#if you read that whole thing you probably deserve a cookie or something

[wandixx]

Ghost of fries and Hero of cookies

All work words count: 14 593

Words in this part: 2 224

Summary of whole work: Duke wasn't expecting to wake up from his quick rooftop nap to some meta kid with fries. He also wasn't expecting kid to stay Or Danny asked Dani to stay safe while she was in Gotham. Where would she be safer than under the wing of local hero? And he looked like he needed bad day combo anyway

This part summary: First meeting and training discussions Beta read by @audhumla-sailor though English is second language for both of us, so proceed with this in mind. I also know all of the charaters through fics alone, so probably ooc. Stay catious if it's something you don't like

Duke was running out of fumes to run on. Last few days would be exhausting if it was just vigilante or just civilian stuff but no, he had to have it both. Because of Arkham break out he had been called in three nights in a row, not for a whole patrol but he couldn't exactly sleep it of during the day like others did, especially not in a week when every teacher decided they need to have test or quiz or what not. Naps meant he wasn't as sleep deprived as he could be but he needed far more. But he couldn't because crime in Gotham never sleeps so he had normal patrol to finish and there were about two ours left.

Would something bad happen if he just stopped for a moment and laid on a roof? Ten up to fifteen minutes. It was a slow day too...

Yeah, no, he deserved a moment to rest and if something disastrous was to happen in the meantime he would shame other Bats for not giving him enough time to sleep.

It certainly said something that he found gravel covering this roof to be quite comfortable. He set a timer for ten minutes and let himself close his eyes.

When loud screech of timer jolted him awake, he was suddenly fully aware that he wasn't alone anymore. He sat up a little too quickly.

"Oh, you're awake," white haired girl around Damian's age chimed, sitting cross legged just few feets away from him. She wore something that could only be described as an unholy mix of lab safety hazmat and skintight workout jumpsuit, white and black. When had Gotham gotten a new vigilante? "Good, I just returned from snack hunt," she added, gesturing at a big textile bag lying next to her. Duke didn't have enough brainpower to do anything more than ask.

"What?"

Girl shrugged, take out from BatBurger in her hand.

"You look like you have a bad day if not few days, so I've got you my cousin's bad day combo or at least closest thing I could. BatBurger burger isn't as good as NastyBurger but you certainly have better fries," as she spoke, second take out bag, 1 quart bottle of energy drink, juice bottle of same size and pack of convenience store brownies joined greasy paper bag sealed with a sticker.

"Is your cousin a speedster?" Excuse Duke, it was a totally valid question, he saw with his bare eyes both Wally West and Bart Allen when they visited Manor. Noone else would be able to stomach the amount of food they inhaled during their stays.

"Nah, we're not that fast or that hungry. Though I think I may get closer to speed of sound," So, clearly a meta if white hair and weir aura that let his eyes rest weren't enough indication "My cousin when he has bad few days he often forgets to eat so this combo has to help with there too. But I'll steal your fries of course."

Duke was not going to look gift horse in teeth, so he grabbed one bag and tore it open. There was classic combo with bigger fries and NightWings inside.

"Thank you..." he trailed off, hoping that girl would take a clue and introduce herself but she didn't. She just drowned her fries in ketchup and started munching. She had her own juice.

"My cousin always said that each part of this combo has different purpose," she explained instead, slightly muffled because of fries in her mouth, "This" she gestured towards fast food meal "is to sooth your stomach. This "she tapped energy drink "is to sooth your brain and kick it back online. This "she raised bottle of juice, "is to sooth your taste buds because energy drinks are war crime against them and this "she nudged brownies "is to sooth your heart because Ancients damn it, this day is awful and you deserve it. At least that's what he told me when I had day bad enough to deserve that," she shrugged, licking ketchup of her finger. Suddenly she froze "You aren't allergic, are you?

"No, I'm not," he confessed bewildered.

"Good"

For a long moment they sat in silence, devouring food the little girl brought. Duke distantly wondered if this was how night shift spent their snack breaks. It felt nice.

He was finishing his part of brownies when girl spoke up again.

"Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah" he was a little surprised to realize that it was true. He'll have to note down what she put in this 'bad day combo'. "Thank you"

"Don't mention it," she shrugged with general gesture of dismissal, "You're one of my cousin's favorite heroes because you're vaguely his age and handle Gotham alone during the day and I quote, "she did honest to God air quotes at that" 'As only hero in Amity-' which is a lie by the way, Val is doing great and even if he suddenly got problem with how she feels about his alter ego, he still has Sam and Tuck even if they're usually more of moral support. And I helped when I visited, so no, he isn't only one. Anyway as he said 'As only hero in Amity, my heart goes out for anyone who deals with this type of bullshit so Dani if you absolutely have to prank heroes, leave them out of it, especially Signal, he can't be older than Jazz, he doesn't need any more mess to handle.' All aliens and lanterns are also off limits because he is a space nerd. But you aren't space related so I'm like 80% percent sure he has celebrity crush on you," she slurped more juice, unbothered.

Duke was thankful he wasn't swallowing anything because for sure she would choke. He took split second to consider addressing... this whole situation and choose not to. He was not ready to be anyone's celebrity crush.

"Your name is Danny?" he asked instead.

"Dani" she corrected" with an I"

"Ok. It's nice to meet you Dani-with-an-I," She giggled, nodding her head slightly.

"It's nice to meet you too Signal"

Duke stood up, stretching a little. Dani joined him after hastily putting all the trash in her bag. She was a little higher than expected.

"I have to get back to my patrol"

"Cool," she drifted back a bit, making him realize that she was floating a few inches above the ground. She fixed her bag on her arm.

"Hey, can I hang out a little bit more? My cousin will go green out of jealousy when I tell him," she added with a mischievous smirk but Duke could tell there was more to it. He took a moment to consider it, which apparently made girl nervous "I can be invisible the whole time, like before," she offered, disappearing in the meantime. He could still tell where she was, because of her heat signature and other waves she excluded but for regular people she would be no different than surrounding air.

"Yeah, you can hang around and you don't have to be invisible. Just don't get in my way when I have to actually do some fighting."

She popped back to visible spectrum and pouted like Damian whenever he got benched.

"I can fight, y'know? I stopped mugging on a snack run."

It was ten god damn minutes, how could she get so much food and stop mugging in such a short time?!

Oh, right, superspeed. Still, impressive.

"I haven't seen it-" he started, channeling all Dick-trying-to-wrangle-Damian-into-socially-acceptable-activity energy he could muster "-so I don't know how you fight or even what powers do you have. If we tried to fight together we would trip over each other" It was a bare faced lie, Bat training made sure of that but he knew for fact that if he said anything else, the girl would be mad and probably did her own thing.

Was that what Bruce thought about all of them?

Oh no.

Dani still looked displeased but after a moment of consideration she nodded with a defeated sigh.

Suddenly she straightened like she got struck by lightning and whipped around.

"Wha-"

She just shushed, raising finger to her mouth. Duke did indeed quietened.

"I have enhanced hearing," she whispered "There is a mugging somewhere this way."

"Let's go then," he shot his grapple, waving his other hand at Dani to come with him before he jumped off the roof. He heard the girl giggle as she flew right after him.

"After this you'll show me the coolest gargoyles, okay? Sam asked for photos"

"Okay"

It seemed that the end of this patrol wouldn't be as bad as the start was. Hopefully.

And afterwards he was going to lock himself in his room until sky falls down or he was well rested.

Yeah, that was a good plan.

********

"Hey kid," Signal started, dropping from fire escape to cuff weirdo in clown mask who Dani just fought. He did it deliberately slowly to show her how to do it like he always did. She choose to not be to annoyed at being called kid again and noted to herself to come up with good codename later. All her previous ideas apparently weren't cutting it and she couldn't keep going by Dani because reasons.

"Yes?"

"Who gave you a combat training?" he asked getting up from a crouch and gesturing towards roof. So it's going to be longer talk, okay.

"My cousin," well, Flashes in Central taught her some stuff but it was more rescue and reassure type of deal not punch and kick, Sam tried to get her through basics of psychological warfare in activism, Tucker sweared he would teach her some programming and hacking but never got around to it, Jazz did some emotional training and Val offered to teach her Red Huntress skills when she got back, but yeah, all in all, Danny was the one to show her how to punch people. Even though it was more of 'shit we have to fight, observe maybe, idk' most of the time. She picked some tricks from Vlad too now that she thought about it, not that she planned to give him any credit for it, like, ever. "Why?"

"I have a bone to pick with him," vigilante announced, melting with the shadows. Dani sped as much as she could to beat him to the roof. She was competitive spirit like that.

Unfortunately he was first. She made another note to herself (she was so going to forget them in next five to ten minutes) to train her speed a bit more. She got tips from the guy with the title of The Fastest Man Alive for crying out loud, she shouldn't loose with the person who technically doesn't even have superspeed!

Signal sat cross legged on the gravel and tossed her a healthy granola bar. He kept doing it for some reason.

"I'm sorry to break it to you, but almost everything in your fighting technique is horrible. Your cousin did shitty job as a teacher" he started in warm slightly teasing tone. Dani felt attacked anyway.

"It's not like he has any sort of training either," she started, trying to sound nonchalant, rolling her eyes. "Cut him some slack," She bit a snack in attempt to cover her furry. It had chocolate and raspberries, was quite tasty and she was kinda hungry anyway. She wasn't sure she wanted to know how Signal knew it though "Everything he learned is from the trial and error by crashing through a few walls. Quite hard to care about 'technique'. I at least got his mistakes to learn from so don't you dare to speak about him like that!" alright, she lost it, she can admit it. But, Signal might be cool and Danny may or may not like him (she hoped he didn't, Val was much better option) but Gotham's hero had no right to say anything bad about her template. He didn't know anything. He didn't understand.

Signal looked like he was going to say something so she put her ghostly vocal cords to use and growled.

Don't-harm-family/will-fight/ protect-mine/don't-you-dare

She didn't stop to consider how unlikely it was for him to understand her. She crossed her hands on her chest, glaring.

Turned out, growl was enough of the warning. He carefully picked his next words.

"Sorry, it's not the way I should've phrase it," he started, his mouth doing the thing it did when people were embarrassed with themselves but in an uncomfortable, a bit angry way. He understood his mistake, good. She calmed her glare a bit. "I wasn't aware of you circumstances. If you want, I can show you some tricks, Batman is very throughout with his training"

"No, thank you, I'm good" she was still mad. So mad. And she was not pouting.

"Of course you're good but you can be better, more efficient."

"No." Whatever Signal would propose to her, she wouldn't agree. He said mean things about Danny not even a minute before. She couldn't let him have it on a principle!

"I'll give you a cookie after every training," he pleaded "The homemade, tasty one"

Well, that changed things. A lot of things.

"Yes please!"

He apologized anyway.

********************

Second part

I know democratic winner in poll for now is "publish all at once" and believe me, I respect democracy, especially now that I finally have rights to do things, but Tumblr wouldn't let me. Too long or something. So, it'll be in parts, sorry guys. I'll try to post all of the parts this weekend though (or one each day, I'll see).

Yes, I didn't have a name for this fic until five minutes ago, how did you know? It's quite alright though, I think. If you have better idea I may reconsider

[rin-fukuroi]

Hello! Could I request Dan Heng with an s/o who enjoys cooking and baking for the express (e.g. Himeko always get fancy cakes alongside her coffee, March gets super cute donuts, and even Pom Pom gets rabbit-shaped crackers, etc) but she always makes something extra special for Dan Heng?

Hi!

I was a little late, but I was glad to write this sweet request for you. I may have deviated a little from what you asked for, but I hope you'll like it ( ‾́ ◡ ‾́ )

𝐂𝐮𝐩𝐜𝐚𝐤𝐞! [𝐃𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐠]

Please do not translate or publish my works without my permission.

The originals of my works can be read here

Fandom: Honkai: Star Rail

Pairings: Dan Heng x fem!reader

Warnings: none, just fluff.

Note: English is not my native language, so I apologize if there are errors in the text qq

God, I always feel like I'm so bad at writing fluff, but for some reason I keep doing it. In any case, even in a pool of debauchery and yandere, sometimes there must be something sweet, right? ( ´ ꒳ ` )

As soon as you had a few free hours, the carriages of the Astral Express were filled with the captivating aroma of a wide variety of pastries.

Once you received a pleasant compliment from Himeko, when you couldn't stand the disgusting taste of her coffee anymore and made chocolate cookies for it to save your taste buds a little, when she kindly offered to treat you to it again, you decided that it would be nice to pamper the other Nameless with something delicious. First, a batch of donuts for March 7, then air pancakes for Pom-Pom, and there was not far for a whole cake to thank Mr. Welt after he helped you out on one of the missions.

It's always so nice for you to see your friends' faces stretch into smiles as soon as your sweet pastries touch their tongues. But there was one person you always wanted to do something special for.…

Dan Heng always refused when others suggested that he try something from your cooking. Although it might seem from the outside that he doesn't like sweets or even disdains to eat food cooked by you (it's so hard to understand his real feelings when his face literally doesn't express any emotions), but in fact he just didn't think that he deserved to try something that wasn't prepared for him. No, no, don't think that he is so arrogant that he can only eat what is made especially for him. Rather, it is another manifestation of his modesty, which he hardly ever admits to.

But you never took offense at it, as if you caught the direction of his thoughts. To cook for him separately the same thing that you cook for other passengers on the Atral Express would be quite simple, however… It's Dan Heng.

Probably, the more you tried to hide your feelings towards him, the more your attitude towards Dan Heng looked like you were simply avoiding him. It's so childish, but there's nothing you can do about how you get nervous in his presence, funny stumbling over words or even uttering complete nonsense, making the rest of your friends feel awkward.

And it should have stopped today.

You'll have the courage, you'll do it. You're going to take a step that should put an end to this annoying awkwardness between you.

You've been up all night knowing that none of you have anything to do today, which means you'll have plenty of time to pursue your newfound hobby. What would he like? Cookies, waffles, maybe candy? Tossing and turning in your bed all night, you still haven't come to full agreement with yourself, but what does it even matter? As a kind of artist, inspiration should guide you in the right direction, so you decided.

March 7 and Caelus looked anxiously at your concentrated figure, which has been diligently trying to cook something in the kitchen for several hours, every time they passed by and heard your dissatisfied grumbling, but they collectively decided to just leave you alone with yourself and your creative process.

Batch after batch of failed pastries were sent to the trash (although they could hardly be called unsuccessful, but there is no limit to perfection). You desperately tried to achieve the perfect balance of taste and appearance of your cooking, but failed time after time, until finally you grunted, looking at another result of your hard efforts, deciding that now it seems you are relatively satisfied.

You nervously shift from one foot to the other, standing at the door behind which Dan Heng's room is located. Your heart literally jumps in your chest until you decide to knock, but then you take a deep breath, taking in more air into your lungs, before finally hesitantly hitting your friend's door with your knuckles twice softly.

— Dan Heng, it's me!

— Come in, — you hear a quiet, indifferent voice on the other side and exhale, slowly opening the door.

— Just so you know, «it's me» doesn't give me any information about who's standing behind the door.

You roll your eyes.

— But you recognized my voice, didn't you?

— Lucky for you.

You move closer to Dan Heng, who is sitting on the bed with a book, ignoring his displeased grumbling.

That's all.

An awkward silence hangs between you, and the man finally looks up from his book, looking up at you.

— Did you want something?

��So, you have to say it confidently… Pull yourself together, it's just Dan Heng…»

You take a deep breath again, closing your eyes, as if trying to concentrate before the fight, causing an even greater misunderstanding of what is happening in the sitting man.

— Cupcake! — you abruptly hand to Dan Heng the most perfect cupcake you've got. A cupcake is neatly wrapped with a small piece of parchment, and on top is a cap of mint cream, framed with a sprinkle of yellow tiny moons.

«Oh shit, that's not what I wanted to say at all!»

Dan Heng just stares at the pastry in your hand for a few seconds before looking up at you with a puzzled look.

— A cupcake?

— C-cupcake… — your outstretched hand begins to tremble. — This is… This is for you! I made it for you.

«God, why are you such a fool?»

Dan Heng's turquoise eyes narrow in disbelief before he accepts your gift anyway, carefully leaving it on the shelf above his head.

— Thanks.

— You're not going to eat it? — you pout, twisting the fingers of your hands behind your back.

— Later, — Dan Heng replied shortly before returning back to reading his book.

You wanted to say something hurtful to him before you left, absolutely furious at his stoically indifferent behavior, but you just snort, throwing a short «you're welcome» before leaving his room.

Dan Heng looks up at the door, noticing how it closes after your figure has left his field of vision. The man sighs, putting down the book before taking your gift from the shelf. The cupcake looks literally perfect, and Dan Heng just twirls it in his hand, looking at it from all sides.

— And you really want me to eat this? — the corners of the man's lips lift slightly as he chuckles softly to himself before taking a small bite of dessert.

Although at first glance it might seem that the cupcake is very sweet, there is a slight sourness in it, which balances the taste and doesn't make the sweetness cloying. The cream is so airy that it literally melts on the tongue of Dan Heng, and the little moons of glaze crunch pleasantly in your mouth.

— Delicious…

[fairyhaos]

how seventeen spend a day off with their s/o at home

requested by anon: can you write: how svt spend their free time at home with their s/o? (i imagine lots of cuddles and domestic stuff, but go give us details)

notes: mentions of violence (video games)

masterlist

seungcheol

sleeps. when he knows he has time to lie in on the weekend, he's turning off both of your alarms, closing the curtains tightly and hugging you against him in bed probably until noon of the next day. mostly bc he can't wait to get some (well deserved) rest and also because there's something soso domestic about going to sleep w you in his arms and waking up to your relaxed, sleeping face

jeonghan

is all "we should do something" but can never decide on what to do. it's weird, bc whenever he talks about what he'd do if he ever had a day off, he says that he's going to sleep through it. and then when a day off comes, he wants to Do things. takes so long to decide that he ends up doing nothing, but it's okay bc he had fun making you laugh while deciding what he wanted to do

joshua

asks you what you wanna do and goes along with anything from there. wanna watch a movie? okay baby tell him which one and in fact, let's watch ten. wanna have an entire spa day at home? ooh pls let him join he's always wanted to do one of those. the sweetest and softest actually, gazing at you adoringly the entire time bc he just loves spending time w you so, so much. 

junhui

i don't know many video games, but jun seems like the type to bust out those nintendo games with the hand-held controllers that connect to the tv, or mario kart or something, and you spend the better part of the day yelling at each other while shaking the controls at the screen. pouts so bad if he loses, asks for conciliatory kisses and conciliatory cuddles, or else he's going to be sulking the entire day

hoshi

needs to be entertained every single minute otherwise his head is going to implode. hangs off of you like a koala the entire time, bc he gets so clingy when it's just the two of you, and honestly it's a little adorable to have a soft hoshi squished against your shoulder. watches you play games on your phone, has a nap while hugging you and needs to be woken up in the evening to have dinner

wonwoo

he's gaming on his computer for the entire day actually. you can sit in his bed and watch him, but if you whine for long enough then he'll probably let you sit on his lap provided you don't fidget too much. tries to teach you how to play before you tell him that you'd much rather just watch him. smiles at you during a lull in the game and kisses your forehead before going back to committing acts of violence against pixelated characters

woozi

initially planned to have a lie in w you that morning, but his body is so trained to getting up early that it didn't work. stares at you sleeping for about an hour or so. not in a creepy way, just in a very fond "you're adorable when you're asleep even when you're making small snoring sounds" kind of way. doesn't really do much the entire day, stays in bed w you before you both eventually get up to have some dinner

minghao

puts on music, sits on the sofa, and reads. needs to have you curled up against him tho, and you'll both read your respective books while the music swells around you. lets you do anything you want really, petting your hair when you headbutt his hand, interlacing your fingers with his when you nudge his wrist. smiles at you over his book, eyes soft with love

mingyu

bakes. bakes batches n batches of cookies with you even if you say you're terrible at baking bc "nonsense no one's terrible at baking". almost breaks the stand mixer by nearly dropping it when he's getting it out of the cupboard. pinches your cheeks while his hands are covered in flour. lets you lick the spoon afterwards, ruffling your hair and calling you cute. still with flour on his hands. 

dokyeom

stages impromptu karaoke sessions for the whole day. you don't even need to have a karaoke machine, he'll just put those sing-along videos on the tv and jump around screaming the lyrics with you. sings the entire day, even if you get tired, and eventually ends up serenading you with love songs before abandoning the karaoke to kiss you nice and sweetly, the music muffled in the background. 

seungkwan

idk like mingyu he probably also bakes. wants to be like those aesthetic pinterest girlies w cream and strawberry cakes with pretty piping, and it goes pretty well? he has fun baking w you, and tries to make that dalgona coffee afterwards but gives up after a bit bc his arms started to hurt. but good thing is his cake tasted rlly nice, especially bc it was made with his love for you :D ("kwan that doesn't make sense" "shh yes it does")

vernon

binge watches tv shows and movies with you. you get out all the snacks, pile them up on the coffee table, and then turn on the television and watch countless episodes of american sitcoms or netflix shows or, one time, (almost) the entirety of the mcu. it's a day of laughing at the screen, hansol's arm a warm and comforting weight against yours, eating junk and feeling utterly relaxed with him by your side

chan

days off with chan are probably very spontaneous and could be anything. one time you spent the entire day watching ted talks and tried to perform stand up comedy to each other after a particularly interesting video. another time you played monopoly on the app for three hours straight then had to stop before you threw his phone against the wall in frustration. they're always very relaxed days, but it's fun nevertheless

request guidelines

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[moshpitgamma]

Hii I have a request, so like I wanted to know if you could write a Floyd X Reader where Floyd proposes to the reader but they reject him and that ends up breaking the relationship but Floyd just can't move on from them. That's it, I'm craving some angst lmaoo. btw you can take all the time u need!

Thx for reading!!

😦Bruhhh yall is harsh, but ofccc I’ll write it Fa u😭Also yall this hurt me hella bad☹️

Floyd x Reader||It Ends With Us

Warning:Angst ___________________

Silence... was the only thing both of you could hear.

"What" Floyd said standing up, smile faltering in the progress. "I said no" you said trying to push all the feelings down. "I get that we have been together from the beginning, but I just can't do it." You felt BAD, but you just couldn't commit to the feeling of being a wife/husband/spouse. "I'm so sorry Floyd" you said kissing him on the cheek before leaving the very nicely set picnic under the stars. All he could do was watch you're leaving figure with tears streaming down his eyes.

But...That was 20 years ago

"Ummm bro you good?" John asked Floyd as he caught him staring into space at a ring box. "Huh! Oh, yea I'm good just putting the last of my things away." He was finally getting settled into his room in branch's bunker, but paused in his tracks when he reminisced the painful rejection memory of his pass lover. "You sure, because you got some tears pouring out." John said as he went to gently rub his tears away and put his hands on his shoulder. "If there's something wrong, you can tell me bro." He told Floyd before turning to leave.

Floyd didn't want JD to feel guilty on not telling him, so he grabbed his arm and told him the whole reason why he was spaced out crying. Once Floyd finished, he was pulled into a hard hug by JD. "Whoever they are doesn't deserve your love bro and If i see them they won't know what's coming." JD said smiling at his younger brother. "Jd you will not hurt them". Floyd said scolding his brother for trying to hurt you. He tried to get over you, but he just couldn't. But little did floyd know, you were coming back into his life.

Just not to stay..

Floyd and his brothers were headed to Poppy's and Viva's place for a sleepover, but they wanted to stop to get some sweets, so they decided to check out a local bakery. (Yall are little cute bakers because I said so😤) When they walked in, they smelled the sweet scent of freshly baked cookies and delicacies. They all began to order, until it was Floyd's turn. He stopped in the middle of his sentence when he saw those intoxicating e/c eyes staring at him. He felt like he was going to explode and run into their arms, but he knew you probably moved on. He quickly finished his order and went to sit down with his brothers, with a frown on his face.

You on the other hand dreaded every moment of this interaction. You wanted to hug and be with him oh so bad, but it's all gone now. Before you could give a wait time and a total, he shoved a $20 towards you and sped walked to the table with his brothers. Once their orders were ready you called every individual name of the brothers and when it got to Floyd's, you said it filled with such plainness. As if he was just the ok sibling or as if you really didn't care. You didn't mean to, but JD caught on to the tone quickly. Once the boys left, he stopped Floyd in his tracks and asked if he knew you. When Floyd told Jd that you were the one that rejected him. His blood boiled and he stormed right into the cafe to confront you.

Floyd did everything in his power to stop him, but it was too late. He was already yelling at you for making his brother's life miserable and saying how you were the worst s/o ever. After John felt satisfied with his argument, he left still a little hot and proud for causing a scene. Floyd was behind him the whole time terrified on the outburst and was hoping you weren't mad. Before he could get to you, your manager called you to the back. He wanted to wait for you so you both could talk so he sat and waited. It took about 10 minutes before you came back out in your regular clothes, with a little frown on your face. When you were pushing the doors open to leave, a hand caught your arm. "Can we talk." When you looked back to who it was you felt anger. It wasn't directed to him, but to the embarrassing scene his brother caused. "What do you want?" you asked harshly removing your arm from his grasp.

He knew why you were acting like this, so he calmly approached you and said "I'm so sorry about JD. He really didn't mean it." Floyd tried to apologize for his brothers' actions, but what you said next resettled the whole interaction between you two. "I don't care Floyd! He basically proved that whenever we talk or whatever I do, I'm a bad person." you said full of hurt. "I guess we just wasn't meant to be." you said sadly before walking away and leaving him stunned. He never wished you both would end on bad terms again. But like you said....

“I guess we just wasn't meant for each other."

Y’all got me bawling over here☹️

[lover-of-skellies]

Dreams smoochability?

Dream's rating is an 11, and if you wanna read my reasoning for it under the cut, be my guest :P I'm just adding a cut so no one has to scroll past my rambling

1) How dangerous is Dream's mouth? Not dangerous at all. His teeth are flat, and there's nothing jagged or sharp about them. He gets 2 points for that

2) Would Dream bite? Is he aggressive at all? No to both of those. Unless you surprise him and happen to be a total stranger, then no, he wouldn't bite you. I also don't see anything about him as being aggressive either, so there's 2 more points

3) Are there any health hazards to the smoocher? Not that I can think of, unless it's possible to somehow be affected by his positive aura too much in such a short amount of time (which... doesn't feel very likely). That considered, he's perfectly safe, so there's another 2 points

4) Does he have a sympathetic backstory? Yes. I don't even need to debate this one. Yes, he does. There's a lot I could say about Dreamtale and what happened as a whole, and there are things that Dream could've done better as a brother, but overall, his backstory is pretty tragic and does gain a lot of sympathy, so there's 2 more points

5) Does he deserve a smooch? I'm not a big fan of him personally, but he does deal with a lot and he does have a lot riding on his shoulders, pretty much round-the-clock. He protects people and typically seems like a cookie cutter "good guy", but he puts a lot into what he does and he's endured some pretty extreme trauma from the apple incident, so.... yeah, sure, I'll give him 2 points and say he's deserving of a smooch

6) Is Dream cute/cool? Again, I'm not a big fan of Dream himself, but I do like his design and I will admit that his concept is neat. It's not the most eye catching design I've ever seen in a character, but I like it well enough. For this, I'll say he gets 1 point

In total, he gets 11 points. A smooch with him would likely be something quick, just a simple peck if you're trying to surprise him. He'd probably be flustered and confused about it, but I can't see him getting angry and upset, or anything like that. He'd probably ask why you just smooched him, but he wouldn't necessarily tell you to buzz off. He'd just be confused and caught off guard

Edit: For clarification, the 11 rating means that he'd be one of the more smoochable skeletons! There's nothing dangerous or harmful about him, and he's pleasant and well-mannered, so he likely wouldn't express any sort of anger or try to hurt the smoocher over it

[everydayfrimmel]

July 16, 2024

"The L Word (Love and/or Leaking Roofs and/or Late-Night Cable Television)" 2200 words, roommate AU, part 12/?

Frieren’s been ordering things on Yukon again. 

She tends to get that way when she’s bored. Usually, her packages are heavy and rectangular and almost certainly books. Another time, she had ordered madeleine pans, made and eaten six batches of chocolate madeleines in them in two weeks, and then become so tired of them that she never touched it again. (Himmel, never one to waste anything, now makes comically oversized ice cubes in it.)  He wonders what’s in the packages every time he sees one on the front porch. And lately, there have been a lot of them. 

“Snacks,” she tells him. Which—she seems to be eating a different strange candy shipped from overseas every day now—looks to be accurate. 

“You can’t go to the grocery store?” 

Frieren glares at him. “They don’t sell the good stuff at the grocery store.” 

And even when they do, she doesn’t add, she’s much too lazy to go get it.

Frieren goes to the grocery store only under the greatest possible duress. If she didn’t order so much takeout, she might actually be able to afford to live alone. Thus, shipping in chips from Germany or gummies from Taiwan doesn’t really seem like much of a stretch for her. 

“Can I try?” he asks, gesturing to a brightly-colored sleeve of cookies with a label written in Spanish. 

Frieren clutches the sleeve to her chest and gives him a dirty look. 

“So mean,” he says lightly. “You’d think I would deserve something for giving you all this eye candy.” 

“I didn’t ask for any eye candy,” she says. “So I don’t see why I would need to thank you for being good-looking in my presence by giving you food that cost me a fortune.” 

If she’d given him that cookie, he would’ve choked on it. “You think I’m good-looking?” 

“What? You just said yourself that you were.” 

“But you never say that.” 

“Objectively speaking,” Frieren says, then turns back to her cookies and her book and leaves Himmel’s head spinning. 

“Sooooo…what I’m hearing is that you love me.” 

“Nothing I just said could be reasonably interpreted to mean anything of the kind.”  

“Aww, Frieren, you should’ve said so!” 

She glares at him again. “I know you don’t really think that.” 

Then, of course, comes the inevitable crash, the part when he realizes he’s admitted too many of the things he wants to be true and wishes he could disappear but can’t yet because he still has to cover his tracks. 

“Just messin’ with ya,” he says, then swipes a cookie off the top of the sleeve and smiles sweetly. “I’ll buy you a new one.” 

“…you better.” 

He does, that night. A whole case of them, actually, because he’s feeling stupid and repentant and unable to understand why he’s such an unbearable idiot when it comes to Frieren sometimes. Why would he even have said that? 

He is contemplating this, head in his hands, when Frieren knocks on his bedroom door.

“You wanna go see glow-in-the-dark algae?” 

He is on his feet to open the door before he even has time to call himself an idiot for it. 

“Glow-in-the-dark algae, you say?” 

“Bioluminescence.” She’s reading off her phone and turns it around to show him an article. “A kind of algae that lets off a blue glow when it’s disturbed is blooming off the coast.”

His heart leaps, even though it shouldn’t, even though there’s always a catch when it comes to Frieren. “Yeah. I’d love to.” 

“Good,” she says. “’Cause I don’t wanna drive.” 

…there it is, huh. 

“You little freeloader,” he tells her with a lopsided smile, and reaches out to ruffle her hair. “’Course I’ll drive.” 

She brings things to bundle up in: coats, blankets, probably more than she needs. She’s only wearing leggings and a university crew-neck, but she’s brought half her wardrobe to pile on over it if she’s cold, and—he smiles—his coat from the hook by the door. He had been wondering where it was.

“Thanks,” he says, embarrassed to feel as moved as he does. “For getting my coat.” 

“It was hanging by the door, so it wasn’t any extra effort.” 

“Still. Thanks.” 

It amuses him, after another moment, to realize that Frieren has hot chocolate, and that she’s dipping her (he remembers from the order he placed) Colombian cookies in it. She must have been in the mood for an outing, and more prepared than she let on. 

This could be a date.

This could be the kind of thing where she sets her hand on his thigh across the center console, and they take blurry flash photos together where the bioluminescent tide isn’t even visible, and he wraps a scarf around her wind-bitten cheeks and kisses her nose because he notices it’s gotten cold, and he carries her in from the car to a bedroom that is both of theirs. 

Himmel tries not to think too hard about that. 

“Have you ever seen this glowing algae stuff before?” he asks, mostly to distract himself. 

“Once.” 

“With Flamme?” 

“With an oceanography class I took in uni.” 

“Oh, you like the ocean?” 

She shrugs. “It was the least boring biology gen ed they had.” 

“I see.” 

“It was neat.”

“Must’ve made a big impression if even you remembered it,” he comments. 

“Yes, I suppose it did.” 

“Thanks for asking me to come with.” 

“It’s not personal, I just wanted a driver.” 

He says nothing for a moment, but, for once, he’s decided to be bold, and this time he doesn’t think it’s a stupid choice to make. 

“You ever thought it might hurt a little when you tell me things like that?” 

“Hurt?” Frieren asks. “No, why?”

“We’re friends, Frieren,” he says. “Sometimes I wanna believe you want to do things with me just because you, you know…like doing things with me.” 

“It goes without saying that I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t enjoy your company.” 

He sighs. Leave it to Frieren to make even a compliment sound cold. “It’d be nice if you said that sometimes.” 

“Oh. All right.” 

“I know you don’t mean any harm,” he says. “It’s just…hard for me.” 

“Because you’re insecure?” Frieren asks. “You definitely shouldn’t be. Everyone in town-“

“No, Frieren, because I really like you.”

He can say he means that platonically and not be lying, but it feels like a confession nonetheless.

“Why?” 

“What do you mean, why?”

“Why would you like me enough to feel insecure?” Frieren asks. “I’m not a very appealing person.” 

“Frieren…” 

“What? I’m not.”

How strange it is that he hates hearing her say that more than he hates admitting anything even a little bit personal and offering it to a woman who doesn’t handle anything with care. 

“You make me laugh,” he says softly. “You’re so smart I almost can’t believe it.” 

“Why would my intelligence make you-“ 

“You know so many random things,” he goes on, resolutely ignoring her. “I never know what you’re gonna tell me next, and I love that.”

“You…do?” 

“You’re a puzzle,” he tells her. “You make people look for it, but if they’re patient enough, soon they start seeing little hints that you really do care. And that’s…I don’t know, Frieren.” He swallows hard. “I just like you so much.” 

She’s quiet, he embarrassed, and neither looks at the other for a moment.

“Himmel.”

“Yeah?” 

“Do you mean that romantically or platonically?” 

“You had to go for the jugular, didn’t ya?”

“It’s a relevant question. Flamme says you’re in love with me.” She looks at him questioningly. “And you keep making suspicious jokes.” 

She knew enough to be suspicious? 

“Of course I like you as a friend,” he says feebly, then hates himself for a moment for the cowardice of refusing to say what she so clearly already knows. 

“But…but…yeah.” He swallows hard. “It’s both.”

“Hm,” Frieren says, then nothing more. 

It is a long, quiet ride to the beach, and Himmel has never more acutely wished he could teleport himself to the destination and be done with it. Even when they do arrive, Frieren gets out before he can so much as apologize, pulls on a coat and hat, and trots off towards the water. 

So often he feels like he’s chasing something determined not to be caught. It’s the same now, jogging after her with his arms full of blankets. She doesn’t turn when he catches up to her. 

“It’s dimmer than I remembered,” she says, watching the faintly-glowing blue waves roll in with pursed lips. “Maybe this is a smaller bloom.” 

Himmel watches for a moment, feels pathetically grateful that Frieren is speaking to him at all, and says, “I still think it’s pretty neat.” 

Once more, they’re quiet. He notices Frieren digging her hands into her pockets, curling in on herself as if she’s cold, and, though it may be too much, he drapes a blanket around her shoulders and leaves his hands there for a moment to make sure it stays there.

“Thanks, Himmel.”

“’Course.” 

After a moment of quiet, she says, “Himmel?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you mean when you say you love me?” 

His stomach turns. “I didn’t say that.” 

“Or whatever it is you said?” 

“Well, I already told you my reasons.” He tries to sound gentle, but his voice wants to crack. “I’m really sorry, Frieren. I wasn’t gonna say anything.” 

“I’m…I’m not upset, Himmel.” She adds, quietly, “and that would’ve been dumb.” 

“Huh?” 

“Not saying anything. Where is the logic in that?” she asks. “How was I supposed to know how you felt if you didn’t tell me?” 

“You weren’t,” he says. “Supposed to know.” 

“But why? Isn’t it pretty dishonest to hide that from someone you’re living with?” 

“I…I just didn’t want to make you feel pressured.” 

“I wouldn’t,” Frieren says. “It would be helpful to be aware of those things.”

“…oh.” 

“And I’m not the kind of person who would actively think about being in a relationship, so I have to be prompted.” She looks at him searchingly. “I don’t understand why you would just not prompt me.” 

“But you don’t…you wouldn’t…” 

“I don’t know if I would.” 

“You don’t?” 

“I would need to understand what kinds of things you want,” she says. “And to have a frame of reference for what you mean when you say you have feelings for me. To decide if I like the idea.”

He smiles in spite of himself. “You’ve thought about this?” 

“Well, yes, Flamme is very pushy.” 

“You’ve…you’ve considered it?” Himmel could be sick with joy. “Being with me?” 

“Gathering data.” 

“Damn, you’re cold.” 

“I’m not cold.” 

“Kinda stings to be seen as a walking spreadsheet.” 

“You don’t understand what data really is,” she says, pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders. “It isn’t just numbers. Or spreadsheets.” 

“Then what is it?”

“Patterns,” she says. “A way of making things recognizable to us. Data’s how we know what to think about the world.” 

It’s such a Frieren explanation, and yet such a gentle one, so quietly human, that his throat tightens. There really is no coldness at all in this woman. She just doesn’t realize that people don’t see the beautiful things in her head past the curt explanations of them that she gives out loud. 

She probably doesn’t realize that any of the things he loves about her are beautiful at all. 

“What does that make me, then?” Himmel asks. 

“Something I need more data on.” She looks up at him to see if he’s getting it. “I need to see you act on your feelings and make inferences.” 

“And then-“ 

“I’ve never even wanted to date somebody,” she says. “I have no frame of reference.” 

“So?” 

“I would need to build one from the ground up.” 

He smiles, and he thinks he finally gets it. “Can I help?” 

She almost smiles at him. 

“Start by saying what you actually mean.” 

It’ll be days before Himmel begins to unpack what all of this means, but on the drive home, the glow of the headlights seems happier than it ever has. It is less exasperating than endearing when Frieren falls asleep in the passenger’s seat. And when he arrives home, he feels feather-light, ready to do just about anything.

She doesn’t wake even when he parks, even when the automatic porch lights come on, and she doesn’t wake when he opens the passenger door and slips his arms beneath her to lift her out of the car, either. 

If she wants him to be honest—if that is really what Frieren wants—then he’ll be as honest as he can stand to be. Data is easy to provide if all it takes is acting the part of the person he hopes she’ll allow him to be. 

Midway to her upstairs bedroom, Frieren stirs. 

“We’re almost there,” he says. “You can go back to sleep.” 

She curls her hand into the fabric of his sweatshirt instead. 

“Oh,” he murmurs. “All right.” 

“Himmel.”

He could die, hearing her say his name that way. 

“Yeah?” 

“You smell nice.” 

And even when he sets her down, he doesn’t stop smiling for hours into the night. 

Data, huh? 

[jerzwriter]

If it's not late, it's probably not me! Not for all things, but for a whole lot, so it's with my sincere apologies that I post this "Countdown to 2024" on the 9th day of the year!

Now, I'm going to be honest: I started to write this, and the list got huge. HUGE. And while I like to spread the love and be as inclusive as I possibly can, at some point, it began to look like an amalgamation of everything I've read in the year. So, I decided to scale back and follow the rules (gasp!) ... sort of... lol

See, I don't think writer appreciation should be limited to these events. Writer... creator... appreciation is a living, breathing act that should take place year-round. Each time you comment, share, or even leave a little ❤️ on a fic, you're showing your appreciation, gratitude and, honestly, you're serving yourself, because that simple act may be the very thing that tips the scale and makes your favorite say, "You know what, yeah! I'm going to keep doing this."

So, to every single writer in the fandom - thank you. I tried to show you love throughout 2023, and I hope to do more of that in 2024... you all mean so much to me!

But, I'm limiting this to three (and lawd that really was NOT easy) lol

When I closed my eyes and thought of the last year in fics, this is what came to my mind...

One...

@alj4890 - Seriously, I feel she is a writer who deserves so much more love than she gets. And, if y'all were smart, you'd take the time to change that in 2024! I love the passion that she has for every one of her pairings, even though she knows my favorite will always be Tobias x Chris (OH). Whether being light and witty or delving into deep emotion, your fics are always touching and beautifully written. I'm excited whenever I get a tag from you! Some of my favorites in 2023 were Visceral Reaction, Holding On, Nope (I had to give Trystan x Cameron some love, too!) and you know I was just crazy about The Wake. What a great concept! But I wouldn't be mad if you got back to Mixed Signals. Selfishly, I hope 2024 brings you more time to write, but honestly, I just hope it brings you joy!

Two...

2023 will always be the year that I fell in love with Crimes of Passion, and with that, I discovered another corner of our community and the many talented writers within it. I will forever bow to the queen of Crimes fics (yes, you @inlocusmads - there needs not to be a vote; it has been decreed! And New York, June 2014 was one of the first things that came to my mind when recalling this year's fics!) I got to learn about some writers I was not familiar with previously (shout out to @shreyamistry - your Trystan x M!MC Fanfic lives on in my mind, and I'm always hoping for a follow-up!) It gave me the opportunity to see some of my old favorites soar in a different place (hello @storyofmychoices @trappedinfanfiction and @lilyoffandoms - Lily, can we please have more Trystan x Gabriel all day every day??? PLEASE). And it did something I love more than anything: it allowed us all to see new creators step up and share their love and talent with us, and right now, I'm looking at @stars-are-within-me and @moominofthevalley Crimes wouldn't have been as enjoyable without you. @stars-are-within-me, I appreciated you taking the time to give us parts of the story that Pixelberry failed to address. In my opinion, the best was The Favorite Brother, and I may be a little biased, but I loved the beautiful trio of stories you wrote for me in the Secret Santa (Airport, Angel, and Cookies). You're so supportive of everyone, I'm so glad you're a part of our fandom! @moominofthevalley your writing is just beautiful, and I have found myself lost in your Trystan x Emily stories on so many occasions. It's hard to pick a favorite, but Heavy is Her Heart , The Girl With The Glass, and Turpentine stick out in my mind. You are masterful in conveying emotion, and these fics are perfect examples of that.

Three...

(You see how I cheated here, sort of? lol) I will never be able to look back on 2023 and NOT think of the hijinx of Ethan x Merida, Bryce x Olivia, and Tobias x Casey. They wouldn't have been possible if not for the vision and talent of the incomparable @lilyoffandoms and @storyofmychoices. Sure, "they" were born in the end of 2022, but they grew up in 2023! The way I smile when whenever I see a notification for another story with our babies! I love every single one of their shenanigans, but two that stand out to me were Mystery Unlocked by @storyofmychoices and When Husbands Become Prey by @lilyoffandoms (the way I CACKLED when I saw that title! lol). These six were a highlight of 2023, and I know there is much more to look forward to this year! Love you both, and love our babies!

And four... because I be like that lol

I can't not mention @mydemonsdrivealimo because 2023 was the year of Jensen in my book. And while I loved your works from earlier this year (looking at you Your Love and What I'm Becoming), I have to admit, Halloween owns me... and not jus because of the connection to Noah. lol Your descriptive writing and the way you convey painful emotions are just brilliant.

Thank you to each and every one of you for bringing a smile to our faces or tears to our eyes this year, and thank you for helping the fandom move along! ❤️

@choicesfandomappreciation

[ihni]

Tagged by @ratbastardbilly (a WHILE ago; thank you!)

Note before we start: a few questions below are about ships, and if there's one thing you need to know about me is that I'm not in it for the SHIP, I'm in it for the CHARACTER. And that character is Billy Hargrove.

1.ride or die ship (your otp): Harringrove

2. most annoying ship: Depends on how they're framed, honestly. Any ship can be annoying when done right (or wrong).

3. second favourite ship: Idk, probably like Mungrove or Harringroveson?

4. favourite platonic relationship: I want Billy to have ALL the friends, so put him with just about ANYONE as a friend and I'm a happy gal (Steve, Jonathan, Eddie, Chrissy, Robin, Nancy, Patrick, Tommy, Carol ... just give the guy some friends!)

5. underrated ship: Bob and Benny. Come on, imagine Hop's reaction, it would be glorious.

6. overrated ship: I don't know, because I don't read or look at ships that don't interest me. (But I imagine any that involve Mike Wheeler. Whoever he is shipped with probably deserves better.)

7. one thing i would change in canon: ONE thing only? Okay: Billy lives. But like, I can fill a book with the things I would change in canon.

8. something canon did right: Season 1 in general, Robin's coming-out scene in season 3, most of the soundtrack.

9. a thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: I sometimes doodle? And I sometimes write? And I'm pretty happy about doing both of those things actually. (Also one time I did cookie doodles which was fun and should be a thing)

10. a character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): Mr Clarke. Underrated, knowledgeable, cool Mr Clarke. They should bring him into things. Dude has unknowingly provided them with vital information for several seasons.

11. the character i relate to the most and why: ... probably Mr Clarke, too? No fashion sense, good taste in music, weird special interests, creative/likes fiddling with little creative things that takes time, good at one's job, supportive, happy to explain things and rolling with weird questions, and also happily not involved in any drama.

12. character(-s) i hate the most and why: Neil Hargrove (should have gotten what was coming for him, and luckily he WILL). Brenner (should have died for real that first time around). And I might not hate them, but I dislike several Wheelers (Karen bc of the whole flirting-with-Billy thing, Nancy because of the holier-than-thou attitude, Mike because of his general existence). Am also not too fond of Hopper in season 3. He was an asshole there, and I felt nothing for his supposed "death". Also, since Billy's my favorite, I must admit that I have lost respect for most of the supposed "heroes" of the show since they showed themselves so unwilling to try to save Billy.

13. something i've learned from the fandom: One doesn't have to create stuff to be in fandom. Someone's gotta be the audience, too. (And I'm very good at being the audience, because I love everyone's stuff.)

14. three tags i seek out on ao3: Billy Hargrove, hurt/comfort, Realizations

15. a song i strongly associate with my otp/favourite character: Jaymes Young - I'll be good ... K.Flay - Blood in the cut ... Troye Sivan - Talk me down ... Queen - Good old-fashioned lover boy ... among others ...

Tagging: @weird-an @callieb @cherrydreamer @billyharringson @lazybakerart @missroserose @disdaidal @dragonflylady77

[braveclementine]

Well, That Went Well

Warnings: None

Copyright: I do not own any Twilight characters or locations. I do own Davina Mikelson and Marcel. I also own the backstory for my OC. I do not condone any copying of this.

Davina P.O.V.

Once out of the hospital, Sam took me grocery shopping. I had protested because I felt like I was wasting his time until he pointed out that I could fit more groceries into his truck bed than the carriers on the motorcycle.

"I heard Prom is coming up at your school." Sam said as we moved down the pasta aisle as I looked for plain spaghetti and tomato sauce.

"Ugh." I grumbled. "What a kid thing."

Sam laughed. "You do realize you're at school right?"

"Just for some of the classes I couldn't get on the army base." I muttered. "So I can get my high school diploma."

Sam tossed the pasta into the cart. I glared at him, "I prefer my pasta not broken."

He picked the pasta box up and pinched it between his fingers. I could swear I heard the pasta break in the box.

I seethed, snatching the box away from him, "Sam!"

He laughed.

"Anyways." I muttered, "Mike invited me down to La Push for a beach party."

Sam grinned, "When?"

"Saturday."

"Interesting. I'll be there."

"Don't you dare embarrass me in front of my friends Sammy boy." I threatened.

"I won't if you intern at the La Push hospital instead." Sam blackmailed.

I rolled my eyes. I had a feeling that Sam knew about Carlisle being a vampire.

Yes, I knew. I overheard the last bit of the conversation between Edward and Carlisle. Honestly, I wasn't even surprised. The ice cold skin and the beauty probably was a sign. So what did it mean for Sam's boiling hot skin?

I wasn't even terrified about the idea of being Carlisle's soulmate. Honestly, I was excited that something like that existed for me. And I hated the idea that he thought of himself as a monster. What monster works in a hospital trying to save lives?

But then, of course, that question brought up bad memories so I pushed it aside. After all, I was planning on working in a hospital.

Maybe it was redemption.

But I also didn't deserve someone like Carlisle.

"Davina?"

I jerked my head up, realizing I had drifted off into a daydream. "Sorry. What?"

"Interning at La Push." Sam continued.

I rolled my eyes again and continued walking down the aisle, "I don't know what your problem with the Cullens is Sam. Jasper and Alice are some of my closest friends and Dr. Cullen is a fantastic doctor. I could learn more under him than ten doctors put together!"

Sam gritted his teeth, pushing the cart in silence. "I don't like it."

"No Chris Evans vibes. You're not hot enough to get away with it. Besides, why? Give me one reason Sam that's all I need. One reason." I said, wishing we could get back to jesting and joking with each other. I stalked down the sweet aisle, grabbing chocolate muffins, brownies, cookies, and more.

"He's dangerous."

I snorted so loudly it hurt my throat. "Yes, very dangerous. That's why he saves lives. Don't tell me you're jealous? Me and Dr. Cullen aren't a thing. We don't want to be a thing. He's probably married for Merlin's sake! And even if he wasn't I'm basically a teenager."

"You did not." Sam rolled his eyes.

"Huh?"

"Merlins' sake? Please tell me you did not just say that." Sam said, a grin starting to spread across his face.

I scowled at him. "I happen to like reading Harry Potter. And even more, reading Harry Potter fanfictions, thank you very much."

"Didn't you say you were writing a Harry Potter fanfiction?" Sam asked warily, watching me dump all the sweet treats into the cart. "Also, you're going to get cavities."

I ignored the latter part and said, "yeah, I can't believe you remembered. It's called Elizabeth Kane. I wrote a whole series."

"Of course you did. Doesn't she fall in love with Fred Weasley or something along those lines?" Sam asked, rolling his eyes.

"Maybe." I said slyly. "Or maybe it's Severus Snape- or Cedric Diggory! You'll just have to read it to find out."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I'm not reading it."

"You're a terrible friend."

"So are you."

"Thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment."

"Oh I know."

"Shorty."

"Ugly."

"Damn, don't you have enough sweets?"

"You can never have enough chocolate."

"I have a headache."

"Eat. You'll feel better."

"Do not quote me Harry Potter."

------------------

My internship started the next day and I was bloody nervous. Both Alice and Jasper had talked me up, telling me how their dad was really nice and wouldn't give me a hard time. And being around Jasper was strangely calming whenever I started to worry.

I got dressed in my scrubs at the high school and headed towards the blue pickup truck. Sam had decided he'd be my ride until I got a car of my own. He hated the idea of me possibly getting sick because of flying through the rain on my motorcycle.

"I need to go clothes shopping." I grumbled as I slammed the pickup door shut behind me, settling down into my seat.

"Well hello to you too." Sam said, pulling out of the parking lot slowly.

"Sorry, I just don't have shoes that are work appropriate. I have sneakers, and I have combat boots."

"Wouldn't they prefer you to have sneakers? In case you have to run?"

I snorted, "For one thing, I can run in heels, thank you for asking. And two, no, because I'm not actually doing work. I'm more of a. . . paperwork office person? I mean, I'm observing the doctors and nurses, but my work is more office style. They won't have me working over any real patients."

"They aren't making you wear a skirt though?" Sam questioned.

"It's preferred, but I don't have any skirts. Like I said, I need to go shopping." I mumbled, biting my bottom lip. "I'll have to find a day to go. . . I don't think there are any clothing stores close by though."

"You can always go to Port Angeles." Sam answered. "They have stores there."

"Yeah." I answered, looking out the window.

"And I'll drive you."

"Nonsense." I scoffed. "I'll just make a date with girlfriends or something. Prom is coming up, I'm sure they'll need dresses and stuff."

"Alright, but if you do need a ride, I'm here."

"Thanks Sammy." I murmured as he pulled into the hospital parking lot. He parked, waiting for me to get out.

"You okay?" He questioned, touching my shoulder. I turned to see his brown, almost black eyes filled with concern.

There were so many thoughts running around my head. Most of them were related to the fact that my boss was also my soulmate who was also a vampire. The other part was knowing that the nurses probably weren't going to like me because Dr. Cullen would probably show me some sort of favoritism, partly for being an intern, partly for being his soulmate. And of course, just forgetting all my knowledge as I stared into those lovely gold eyes and acting like a complete idiot.

"Nervous." I replied softly, dropping most of my walls and barriers. "I don't think the nurses are going to like me much. And I. . . I really think I might fall for Dr. Cullen. Which is so stupid, I shouldn't, it's not right but. . . there's something I felt when I looked at him. . . like we had some sort of connection. . . it was hot and I thought my heart would burst. I don't know, that sounds so stupid but it's true. Or maybe everyone feels that." I laughed lightly. "But I'm also afraid of screwing everything up. I'm afraid that I'm going to act like a total dumbass and forget everything that I learned. I don't. . . I don't want to be hurt again."

Sam's angry expression softened when he heard that and he pulled me into a hug. "You're going to be okay. I promise Dav, okay?"

"Thanks." I said, pulling back with a small smile. I kissed his cheek real quick and popped open the pickup truck door. "Say hi to Emily for me, will ya?"

"Of course." Sam said. "What time should I pick you up?"

I hesitated, unsure. "I'll text you."

He nodded and then I slammed the door closed and headed up to the hospital doors. I took a deep breath, took the door handle in hand, and pulled it open.

I was met by a nurse named Courtney who showed me around the hospital- from a standing point of view- before leading me to the second floor, where more of the offices were kept. She showed me first to a small office adjacent to Dr. Cullen's office. We had an adjoining door, but she said it was rarely used and that he might even have his bookcase propped up on the opposite side.

I didn't blame him. I'd put a barrier up between me and any obsessive freaks who didn't know me and only thought I was hot.

The office was small, though I had windows to my back that overlooked the woods of Forks. The table I would work at was thin, but long and spacious with two rather comfortable chairs on either side of it.

There was a counter that was attached to the table, empty besides a vase with blue flowers in it. They looked relatively new and I wondered if Dr. Cullen had done that or if it was just a welcoming thing from the staff.

"Now I will introduce you to Dr. Cullen." Courtney said, leading me out of the office.

He was right next door so I had no chance to ask her what she thought of him. She knocked on the door and waited. There was a calm, though loud 'come in' and she twisted the doorknob, opening the door for me.

Carlisle P.O.V.

I was rather nervous, waiting for Davina's tour to be done so that Courtney would introduce her to me. I'd chosen Courtney as I felt she would be the nicest person for Davina to get along with. The other nurses didn't seem very enthusiastic about her working so close with me.

When they were finally in the other room, I heard Davina murmur her gratitude about the office. Good, I was glad she liked it.

And finally, Courtney knocked on the door and I let them in.

Davina's face was the first thing I saw. She looked expectant and excited while being composed and nervous at the same time. Her features were pleasing to the eye. Her face was diamond shaped, but not extreme. Her eyes were the same colour as her hair, a dark brown almost black. The green streaks had completely faded from her hair but the blue had obviously been redone.

She was already in her nurse scrubs, although they were more refined than the other nurses. She looked beautiful in blue.

Her scent hit hard too and I clenched the desk quickly so as not to attack her. Strange, it had never hit so hard before, not even when I'd been taking care of her. . . Oh right, I had held my breath on purpose around her.

It was bad enough the human girl was my soulmate- I would eventually have to turn her- but now she was my blood singer too. I would be lucky if I didn't kill her.

She smelled amazing. Like peaches, almonds, honey, and lime. It was an unusual scent wrapped together, like an alcoholic drink. I stopped breathing immediately. The scent, most unfortunately, was cut off.

"The new intern, Dr. Cullen." Courtney said rather professionally.

"Thank you Courtney." I said quickly. I could see Davina's eyes drifting between Courtney and I wondered what she was thinking. "I can take care of things from here."

Courtney smiled at Davina and then exited the room, the door clicking behind her softly.

"She's not smitten with you." Davina said almost immediately.

"Hmm?" I asked, taken aback.

Davina had her head tilted to the side just slightly, the light drifting through the windows dancing on her features pleasantly. I made sure I wasn't in the direct light of the sun so that my skin wouldn't sparkle. I would tell her eventually, now wasn't the time.

"The others, they're completely infatuated with you. Losing their minds when they see you. She doesn't." Davina said with a slight frown.

She can read people well then. I would have a hard time hiding things from her. In the beginning anyways.

And then she blinked, "Sorry, that wasn't related to this conversation. I just noticed it, was all."

"You needn't worry." I said, holding up a patient hand. "How do you like the office?"

Her eyes flicked towards the door, which I had uncovered, leaving the bookcase slightly to the side. She grinned and I saw that her teeth were straight and white. Not perfectly white, but white enough. "You uncovered the door?"

If I could've blushed, I would've. "Ah, so you heard about that?"

"You don't think I'll distract you then?" Davina questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"I think you're here more for the job and the learning experience than what other interns might be thinking they could get." I insinuated.

She paused, looking at me with a strange gaze. She looked like she wanted to ask something, but was afraid of the consequences of asking it.

"You can ask me anything, Miss Michaelson."

She tucked her top lip between her teeth before saying, "It's nothing, really. What do you want from me today?"

The question shouldn't have made my heart skip a beat- metaphorically of course- but it did. I quickly recovered within milliseconds and picked up one of the manila folders. "This is mostly testing, seeing what you already know and don't know. Cases, symptoms, patients backgrounds, past diagnosis, past illnesses and whatnot, seeing what you already know and what I'll pick up with your teaching. In there is also a schedule for times you will shadow one of the nurses or myself when taking care of patients. The schedule may vary depending on what you give me for the diagnosis of the fake patients in the same folder."

Davina nodded, taking the folder from my hand. "I'll get started on this right away."

"Miss Michaelson?" I asked as she turned to leave.

"Yes Dr. Cullen?"

I paused, raking in her beauty before noticing my hand in the sun and quickly slid the sparkling appendage under the desk. "It is nothing. Please have it done by next week."

"Don't worry, I will." Davina said seriously, stepping out of the office, and closing the door behind her. I listened to her footsteps walk a short distance and then they entered her office. I could hear the folder being placed down on her desk, the wheels of the chair rolling across the floor.

She let out the tiniest sigh as I heard her sit in the chair. I could hear the folder being slid towards her on the table and it being flipped open quickly.

"Bloody hell Davina." She murmured to herself. "Get your head together."

Automatically, I wished Edward was here so I could know what she was thinking about. It didn't last long though as she started talking to herself.

"Alright, first patient. Muscle pain in the shoulders. Muscle pain in the thighs. Muscles weakness. dark red urine. Well this one is rather easy, it's rhabdomyolysis."

Easy? I had never even heard of a kid her age even knowing that that was a disease. I had clearly underestimated her, it wouldn't happen again.

I barely got any of my own work done, listening in to her voice. I tentatively smelt the air and I could almost taste her scent on my tongue. But it wasn't as bad as when she had been in the room.

"Ugh!" Her voice was a bit louder. If I hadn't been a vampire I probably would've heard it anyways. Her next words however definitely needed vampire hearing to listen to. "Get him out of your head Davina! You can't fall in love with your boss dammit. You are not one of those crazy girls. The job. You're just here for the job dammit."

My heart soared. I felt alive.

Her pencil started to tap impatiently on the desk and she muttered under her breath in frustration. "I know this one! C'mon! Headaches, impaired sensations, muscle weakness and twitching. . . kidney damage. . . emotional changes. Ugh! Get the doc out of your head! MERCURY POISOINING! I TOLD YOU YOU KNEW IT!"

I chuckled under my breath. She truly was a strange girl. She was my girl. My mate. My blood singer. My soulmate.

We both worked late into the night.

[borathae]

Chapter 33

WHERE IS HE??? IM IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAIN AND U RUN AWAY NOO

the panic is so visible in the writing even though it isnt said out loud

“Yoongi! Please come out!” *he appears out of nowhere, IM PAN *disappers again

THE PICTURE GOSH

KOOK THANK GOD UR BACK of course he is suspecting us 😭😭but bestie litsen oh yeah i dont need to tell u, u already sniffed us

ok mission find yoongi gosh i feel the nervousness and worry also kook's angry at her too 😭😭

oh no wonder jungkook is not feeling great they left 😭😭fuck i already miss jin and hobi, and now yoongi is also gone AND TAE IS STILL IN DOWN THERE

youre not a burden kook, they wanted better things for you

jungkook and oc sitting on a tree k i s s i n g im sorry i needed to say something to ease myself, this is bad, fuck 😭😭

NOT THE TWILIGHT AGAIN 😭😭its so hilarious

ok looks like things are going to be solved it makes me so angry that you are selfish enough to ruin such a chance for me.” aah

“First of all rude, I am scary” 😾as scary as a kitten

I am pretty sure that I managed to help Yoongi turn his emotions back on. And then when I tried to ask him if I did, he panicked and told me that ‘he cares for nobody’ and then he ran away.” summary of previous chapter

“Maybe our story is like enemies to lovers”, you joke. Jungkook scoffs, “you read too many romance books.” shush lemme rot in my chair/bed ALSO IT IS, i mean they were bickering a lot, but i think the real enemies to lovers is going to be taekook (kook u didnt hear this)

“that’s what I imagine real love to be like.” “Acceptance. Acceptance of their biggest flaws. That’s what real love is.” that was beautiful AND ATTACK TO US

“Yeah”, his lower lip quivered, “like really, really bad”,WE GOT NEWS FOR YOU

You have him and Yoongi too. Jungkook feels so loved right now. GOSH I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH

how is it your fault babe no no dont tell me its going to be, fuck great if I didn’t want this stupid oven then we would still have our house and maybe Cookies would still be alive.” ITS THE OVEN'S FAULT it was probably bad

ou avert your gaze to the moon. It isn’t as big as it was days ago. Time, once again, had passed. It makes you sad, it really does, but sitting here with Jungkook does lessen the burden of it a little bit. The world seems so peaceful up here, with the freshly fallen snow on every tree and the glowing lights of the town in the faraway distance. It is so bright too. The moonlight makes everything glow silver, almost as if it was daytime. this whole thing reminds me of tae and im about to cry i love this para tho. i want to see the moon sitting on a tree too

2 WEEKS?? AND HE STILL HASNT COME BACK shit the loneliness is really unbearable, the vibe of them all together is gone 😭 shit poor tae he is all alone, locked up and ik he isnt even counting days cuz he believes he deserves it 😭 is he hearing her?? i hope he does, at least he would get some comfort from her voice

Apparently the body of a Ripper grows weaker faster than that of a normal vampire. fuck thats so fucked up, forcing it on the vampire and not having an escape from this fate

LORD SPOTIFY JUST PLAYED SUPER TUNA 😭😭 WRONG TIMING

“No, I’m screwed”, he sobs, shaking his head vigorously. maybe jin and hobi will be back before yoongi or maybe yoongi will be back soon

“Taehyung?” he scoffs, “no thanks, I’d rather die.” ha 😃if only u knew haha

why are they soo cutely awkward uwuw babies

Now you are standing by the end of the stairs, just three steps higher than Jungkook. You are fumbling with the handrail, eyes racing over his soft features. Jungkook is grasping the railing tightly, rolling his lower lip between his teeth nervously. You think it is adorable how shy he still becomes sometimes. It gives him that beautiful sparkle in his big eyes. this moment would have been one of their pictures if this was a series

THEY KISSED YIPPEEE YIPEEEE YIPEEE 😻🤩😍💖✨🎇🎆

Is that what his sweetheart back in the days got to experience when he was still human and his body wasn’t controlled by those awful urges to rip every living being into shreds? im gonna cry

FUCK GRAVITY FOR MAKING THEM FALL but also thank you for giving that ✨falling✨moment

Oh if only you knew how much this means to him. Oh if only you knew how many decades he went without kissing in such ways. Oh if only you knew how much he wanted to break into tears at this moment.  😭😭 istg i never wanted to kiss a male character this badly ever

“Please take me right here and now”, he pleads. IM LOSING MY SHIT gracefully??, like freefalling spotify is crazy for playing let me love you ne yo before this *plays it again

“Kook your cheeks”, oh no im getting worried

FUCK THIS IS TOO HOT YALL IM GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD

OH HSIT OH NO NO NO KOOK PLS NOT NOW NO ONE IS HERE TO HELP YOU SWITCH BACK SHIT

WHERE IS HE??? IM IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAIN AND U RUN AWAY NOO

me fr fnadnfas

the panic is so visible in the writing even though it isnt said out loud

gah thank you <333

“Yoongi! Please come out!” *he appears out of nowhere, IM PAN *disappers again

lmaoao Pan is an Pansexual? fajdsjf

KOOK THANK GOD UR BACK of course he is suspecting us 😭😭but bestie litsen oh yeah i dont need to tell u, u already sniffed us

lamoaoa bro really said 👃🏻 you fucked.

ok mission find yoongi gosh i feel the nervousness and worry also kook's angry at her too 😭😭

LIKE why does it hit so much harder when Kook is angry at her?? like please not my pookie wookie kookie :(

oh no wonder jungkook is not feeling great they left 😭😭fuck i already miss jin and hobi, and now yoongi is also gone AND TAE IS STILL IN DOWN THERE

LIKE EVERYTHING IS A MESS AND I'M SAD

youre not a burden kook, they wanted better things for you

YES THIS pleas kookie :((

“Maybe our story is like enemies to lovers”, you joke. Jungkook scoffs, “you read too many romance books.” shush lemme rot in my chair/bed ALSO IT IS, i mean they were bickering a lot, but i think the real enemies to lovers is going to be taekook (kook u didnt hear this)

JFDAJFJ this is not a lie fajdsfja

“that’s what I imagine real love to be like.” “Acceptance. Acceptance of their biggest flaws. That’s what real love is.” that was beautiful AND ATTACK TO US

I ACTUALLY LOVE HIM SO MUCH

“Yeah”, his lower lip quivered, “like really, really bad”,WE GOT NEWS FOR YOU

KOOKIE JUST BE PATIENT YOU WILL KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE :(

You have him and Yoongi too. Jungkook feels so loved right now. GOSH I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH

me totoototototooooo

ou avert your gaze to the moon. It isn’t as big as it was days ago. Time, once again, had passed. It makes you sad, it really does, but sitting here with Jungkook does lessen the burden of it a little bit. The world seems so peaceful up here, with the freshly fallen snow on every tree and the glowing lights of the town in the faraway distance. It is so bright too. The moonlight makes everything glow silver, almost as if it was daytime. this whole thing reminds me of tae and im about to cry i love this para tho. i want to see the moon sitting on a tree too

gosh I miss him too 😭😭😭😭

2 WEEKS?? AND HE STILL HASNT COME BACK shit the loneliness is really unbearable, the vibe of them all together is gone 😭 shit poor tae he is all alone, locked up and ik he isnt even counting days cuz he believes he deserves it 😭 is he hearing her?? i hope he does, at least he would get some comfort from her voice

LIKE THE PAIN IS REAL

Apparently the body of a Ripper grows weaker faster than that of a normal vampire. fuck thats so fucked up, forcing it on the vampire and not having an escape from this fate

I really said "pain is on the menu" when I cooked JJFASDJ

LORD SPOTIFY JUST PLAYED SUPER TUNA 😭😭 WRONG TIMING

lmaoao byeeee

why are they soo cutely awkward uwuw babies

hehehehehh they're so stoooopid

Now you are standing by the end of the stairs, just three steps higher than Jungkook. You are fumbling with the handrail, eyes racing over his soft features. Jungkook is grasping the railing tightly, rolling his lower lip between his teeth nervously. You think it is adorable how shy he still becomes sometimes. It gives him that beautiful sparkle in his big eyes. this moment would have been one of their pictures if this was a series

gah please this is so sweet!!! thaadasdafsafj

THEY KISSED YIPPEEE YIPEEEE YIPEEE 😻🤩😍💖✨🎇🎆

ME FR

Is that what his sweetheart back in the days got to experience when he was still human and his body wasn’t controlled by those awful urges to rip every living being into shreds? im gonna cry

i'll cry with you 😭😭

FUCK GRAVITY FOR MAKING THEM FALL but also thank you for giving that ✨falling✨moment

jsfjds me

Oh if only you knew how much this means to him. Oh if only you knew how many decades he went without kissing in such ways. Oh if only you knew how much he wanted to break into tears at this moment.  😭😭 istg i never wanted to kiss a male character this badly ever

OKAY I LOVE THIS ENERGY??? OMGMGM

“Please take me right here and now”, he pleads. IM LOSING MY SHIT gracefully??, like freefalling spotify is crazy for playing let me love you ne yo before this *plays it again

like no joke. he is actually so fucking hot

“Kook your cheeks”, oh no im getting worried

:-)

FUCK THIS IS TOO HOT YALL IM GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD

:---)

OH HSIT OH NO NO NO KOOK PLS NOT NOW NO ONE IS HERE TO HELP YOU SWITCH BACK SHIT

:---------------)

[ryctone]

TOP 13 OVENBREAK COOKIES I WOULD LIKE TO BE IN KINGDOM (In no particular order);

Number 13 - Captain Ice Cookie

We already go insight that she IS in the CRK universe, so I wouldn't be surprised if she ever becomes playable.

Number 12 - Scorpion Cookie

Since she is a relatively recent character, I dunno if she will even made it in, but I just think she would be an interesting character to have in the cast.

Number 11 - Whipped Cream Cookie

He is one of those classic CROB cookies that I'm surprised aren't in Kingdom yet, like, it would be nice to see him in an event again after not being relevant for YEARS.

Number 10 - Birthday Cake Cookie

Here for nostalgia reason, I have very fond memories of playing with her in CROB when I first got it and I would cry if she ever gets in Kingdom. Will probably mess with the lore of the game tho but I don't care AAHHH-

Number 9 - Walnut and Rougefort Cookie

The obvious choice, they are on the same spot bc come on, you CAN'T have Walnut without Roguefort; ultimate sibling dynamic. Besides, Almond already made it into Ovenbreak and we got to see all of them interact in there, so I just think it would be very cool to see how those interactions translate into Kingdom. (Bonus; Rougefort's voice? *eyes*)

Number 8 - Cookiemals

I love these silly lil creatures and would had loved to see more of them after their debut event- Specially with the whole 'being friends with Wind Archer' thing, but then theres the question; how would they work in a game like Kingdom? Would they had to be separate characters or still be a 3 in 1 deal? If so how would they be coded? I definitely understand if they can't be in Kingdom bc of this, but they are still on my list anyway.

Number 7 - Cyborg Cookie

Like dude, dude hear me out I just think it would be very cool if Devsis gave them a robotic/autotune like voice AND expand on their backstory before becoming a cyborg and not just telling it in the comics asdfghjk.

Number 6 - Chess Choco

In Ovenbreak is LITERALLY revealed they are from the Dark Cacao Kingdom, CROB lore said that kingdom was destroyed but in CRK we know it's fine... So you know- Again, we have the same problem than with the Cookiemals, how would they be coded? But also I feel they are more likely to make it into CRK because of their connection to the Dark Cacao Kingdom.

Number 5 - Rose Cookie

Destroys evil by DANCING, need I say more? Also because she was one of my favorite CROB cookies when I started playing (Still kinda is) so I would love it she was ever to be in CRK. (Bonus; Rose and Raspberry interactions? Hell yes.)

Number 4 - The rest of the dragons

Even if they don't become playable, I would still like to see them in Kingdom as bosses for future story events just like Pitaya did in the Hollyberry update.

Number 3 - Lobster Cookie

We had been robbed and bamboozle from them and that is a crime. Now that Dark Choco left the CoD for good, it would be a great time for Lobster to come back at some point.

Number 2 - Mocha Cookie

Mocha is also here bc again, can't have one without the other! And also because Mocha could be introduced for a CRK Sea Fairy centric event (Something that we also got robbed out of) as a major character.

Number 1 - HERO FCKING COOKIE

You can @ me all you want but I JUST WANT HERO IN KINGDOM OKAY! HERO JUST DESERVES BETTER AND HE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME AND I JUST ASDFGHJKJHGFDHDFKHGKJ-

Thanks for reading! ^^

[lemongingerart]

Chapter 1 - Departure (I)

Fic summary: The second arc of my Armitage Hux x OC fanfic, “chocolate cookies and tarine tea”, in which both need to deal with the mess they got into (and each other, eh eh eh). Involves cookies that won't be eaten and tea that will get spilled. Same goes for certain feelings... they are going to be hungry ant thirsty 😏

You can find the link to AO3 and other chapters on Tumblr in the pinned message on my dash, both for the first and second arc 😊

Rating: Explicit. This is going to be very NSFW. So, Minors, do NOT read or interact. 18+. Family, friends and colleagues, please don’t read this. :’-)

Tags & warnings: TRoS fix-it (kind of), Hux!lives, Hux doesn’t like Kylo, Not a Redemption Arc, maybe a little bit, shameless fem!OC insert (there are cliches but entertaining ones imo), slow emotional burn, medium sexual burn, Enemies to Enemies With Benefits to Lovers, Hux is still a villain don't forget, Virgin Characters, masturbation against the door, pinv, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Awkward Sexual Situations, Past Child Abuse, dubious first kiss, Dom/sub Undertones, Mental Breakdown, Unprotected Sex, wet Hux, that deserves a tag/warning on its own, Minor Character Death

I will add tags as we proceed in the story, please let me know if I forgot one!

Taglist: @mylifeisactuallyamess, @morby and anyone who’d like to join 🥰

A/N:     Hello dear, it's been a while! I wasn’t actually planning on publishing yet (I still need to finish up the header and the last scene) but after attending star wars celebration I am so high on Hux again! As an extra, I'm also uncharacteristically impulsive. This is not going to end well, ah ah ah.

Arc 2 has been written, up till some very *interesting * scenes! The whole thing got out of hand a bit, I already have almost 23k words for part 1 of this arc (part 2 will follow with the same amount, but still working it through) I should be able to more or less update on a regular basis for the next 11 chapters now, since I only need to review them!

Because I know some of you have read arc 1 a good while ago, let me give you this short recap: Hux, Miko and PC just left Utapau Four and are heading to Taris, so they can obtain the coördinates to the Resistance base. Hux has been in a stressful and frustrated mood (at least, more than usual), while Miko is gloomy from trying to deal with her new reality: she might not be able to return to her home for good.

Get ready for a whole whirlwind of (mis)adventures.

Armitage was looking to the everlasting hyperspace clouds, as if he was paying attention to it for the first time in his life. If Miko wanted to start a conversation - which she certainly didn’t - his intense gaze would've stopped her from doing so. She wondered what he was thinking, looking so serious and focussed on the void ahead.

This time however, she mused, the silence didn’t feel loaded and somehow had turned into something comforting. They had an actual plan and could focus on the upcoming mission. Everything was more or less under control. 

Miko felt like she finally had the time to study her companion. From the seat she was in, she noticed he was frowning deeply, and she could guess by that serious stern look on his face, he was thinking about the current bantha poodo he was in. 

She sat back in the co-pilot 's chair while keeping an eye on his side profile. She knew by now he had done some horrible things - based on her father's reaction - although she didn't know the exact details. 

Thinking back to the way he introduced himself to her with so much flair, his previous position within the military must’ve meant everything to him. The First Order was probably the only life he knew. And she doubted one could become a general by playing along nicely, so he probably has done and sacrificed a lot to get in that seat. 

Still, he betrayed all that. For what?

Her mind wandered back to the time he miraculously woke up beneath her, onboard the Steadfast . She really was convinced he was dead at the time. She could remember the shock she felt, when she unceremoniously had fallen down on his limp body. But the memory was blurred by the storm of emotions and adrenaline she went through that moment. 

Did I really somehow… revive him, like he said? How could that be even frigging possible?  

The girl looked at her hands and slowly turned them around, trying to see if something happened if she tensed the muscles in her fingers. 

Of course, it was to no avail, making her wonder if he was just making things up for some obscure reason. But why would he do that? 

Nothing made sense these past days . The chaos, violence, the unexpected get-away, everything was wearing her down.

She slowly looked back to the ex-general and noticed how his jaw was slightly moving. 

Was he grinding his teeth… again ? 

At this moment, she was absolutely positive this man was full of frustrations and looking at the bags under his bloodshot eyes and his pale skin, the stress was eating him slowly but surely. 

She closed her eyes. If she was not going to stop paying attention to him, she was going to start getting worked up as well, and that wouldn’t help them any further. 

After a short pause, Miko felt relatively at ease again and decided to follow Hux’ gaze, so she started staring at the hyperspace clouds as well. They were somehow enchanting, the slight rotation of the ship making the clouds swirl and giving the space outside a dreamy aura. 

Honestly, right now, this all felt like a bad dream. She had always wanted to leave Utapau Four behind, and she used to fantasise about steering her own ship, drifting through hyperspace, from system to system. Seeing the most beautiful parts of the galaxy. Looking for a place with more purpose to land. 

She once wished for adventure, but now, the sting of hastily having to say goodbye to her father, maybe for good, was reminding her that she wasn't living her dream. This was all too real and absolutely not how she wanted to leave her home behind. 

She felt the urge to cry slowly rising from her chest, but she refused to give in to those feelings, especially around that pompous manipulative asshole. She gulped and kept her head down, trying to find tranquillity once again.

Only a few seconds later, she noticed a small but very irritating noise originating from the left. She looked back at Hux, who was now grinding his teeth so loud she could hear it from her seat and it was not helping her current emotional state.

Kriff.

‘Could you please stop doing that?? It’s not good for both your teeth and my headache’, she said, grumbling, only then realising she was again talking before thinking things through. 

This frigging bastard had almost choked me to death, if it wasn’t for PC , she hastily reminded herself, cold sweat appearing on her backside.

But the next thought that entered her worked up mind, were those glassy eyes again. Almost instantly she felt her cheeks go red, betrayed by her own thoughts, so she swiftly diverted her attention to the other side of the shuttle and gulped. She sincerely hoped he wouldn't turn around and see the blush under the dim light.

Unfortunately, Hux decided to redirect his energy from destroying his teeth to destroying any hope for a normal conversation, and he slowly faced her. 

‘Just who do you think you’re talking to?’ he replied with a low voice, giving her a dangerous look, as if she had done something extremely rude. Her body already involuntarily responded to his words and made her turn her attention back to him, momentarily forgetting the blush and trying to process his rude comment.  

Was this the tone he normally used when a subordinate had messed up pretty bad? she absently considered, trying to find a way to explain that this reply was somehow socially acceptable in Worst Order context. 

But, despite trying to negate the brusqueness in what he just said, she could not get rid of the feeling that he was intimidating her, that was for sure. And, combined with the reason she had been blushing before, he was tearing her apart with these most confusing thoughts.

Right now, under his persistent, piercing gaze, she felt like she couldn’t breathe easily, feeling mixed emotions of anger, inadequacy from her part (and for what? He didn't have anything to expect from her), getting slightly terrified and some other burning feeling from her abdomen. One that matched well with her pink cheeks.

She abruptly closed her mouth and looked away with a defying glance. There was no good verbal response she could come up with, especially since she felt like he turned her into a mess so easily. 

This was a conversation she wouldn’t take any further, because it was going to end in the both of them shouting again, and maybe worse. 

The next few seconds, her discomfort only escalated further into distress. Miko felt like she was walking on thin ice, scared to accidentally provoke him. Not that she was convinced there were any actual triggers, but the thought of his hands around her throat tended to do that to her. So, she decided she didn’t want to stay in the same room with him any more and left the cockpit without a word.

Armitage watched Miko’s back when she retreated from the cockpit. He made notice of her posture, which wasn't reflecting her usual defiance. Unlike their other unfortunate encounters, she looked a bit resigned but mainly confused, most likely too emotionally disturbed to be thinking clearly. Her face looked a bit worked up, too.

Thinking back on what he just said to her, he may have been overreacting due to his train of thoughts. She didn't actually say something offensive, although it was much more straightforward than any other conversation he has had in the past years. 

Taking into account that she already looked off, he hoped she wasn’t going to do anything stupid because of his response.

Given her mood though, he opted not to go after her, and wait in the cockpit a little longer. The atmosphere was already loaded enough and he wasn't looking forward to more energy consuming drama or useless fights. 

He automatically turned his attention back to the hyperspace void in front of him and picked up where his thoughts were left, before her intermission. 

The stress started eating at him again. He wasn’t used to having time for anything, and now he sat there, waiting, counting the hours before he was to be delivered to the enemy, at his own suggestion, no less. 

Was he going to be able to break Ren? How much more did he need to give up so he could remove that idiot, who knocked him from his ambitious trajectory? Is it all going to be worth it and what's going to be left of the First Order in the end? Will there be a chance for him to start over and get in charge again?

There had to be, it was the only life he knew. He had been there, only a little five year old boy, when the Order rose from the ashes of the Empire. So many sacrifices, harsh decisions and risks were taken to become what they were. He personally had pushed himself to the limits, over the limits, sometimes to the brink of insanity, to achieve greatness for the First Order. 

His mind wandered further,  thinking back about the choices he made, the career path he chose and pushed himself forward for.  The way he crawled up to the chain of command.

Yes, corruption was within their ranks. He wasn’t clean of those tactics either, but that’s part of the game. He learned those tricks from his father. 

Armitage grimaced at the thought of the latter, and how he made sure the younger Hux understood his teachings. 

There’s no way one could keep his hands clean in achieving leadership. But at least, he knew how the giant war machine worked, something Ren lacked. They all underestimated him, they didn't understand how far he was willing to go and up till now that had always worked in his advantage. 

The empire had shown that a strong hand was imperative to attain peace, but it was too flawed. And with insane emotionally unstable idiots like Ren at the top, the First Order was risking the same end. Something had to be done.

But, after literally leaking the Emperor's message to the resistance and letting high ranked resistance members escape, will he ever be able to seize command? Maybe he did go too far, this time? 

 He didn’t have many allies left. Phasma perished as did Snoke. Lower officers like Mitaka could prove to be loyal to him, given Ren’s outbursts on the personnel. But in high command, he was losing popularity because of Starkiller and the Fulminatrix.

And then there was that huge factor he hadn’t taken into account properly. 

Pryde. 

He knew of the sick prick and his reserve forces, but none of the acting officers of the First Order out in the outer rim were aware of how Pryde had strengthened their numbers so fast. The so-called allegiant-general had become a powerful and influential player. Suddenly, the tables had turned and both Pryde and Ren almost succeeded in removing him from the board of command.

Then came Palpatine 's message, and it was as if it announced Hux's demise. Pryde convinced his loyal allegiant officers that going after the message would bring them significant strategic advantages, while Ren was not open for reason.  Hux was automatically on the other end of the bargain, and thus enemy number one within the Order's upper ranks. 

How convenient for both. 

He felt his palms grow sticky beneath his leather gloves. He could try to come up with alternative tactics, go over the scenarios over and over again, but he already knew in the back of his mind that there was no better option than the way too risky plan he had picked now.

His jaw felt stiff and was starting to hurt from the constant pressure, the sting bringing him back to the present. He sighed deeply and rubbed his nasal bone.

On second thought, getting into some drama or a fight with Miko suddenly feels much more appealing than drowning in these thoughtlines , he scoffed.

A/N: I'm ignoring Sloane for a minute because we don't know what happened to her, same goes for Thrawn. They will have a cameo later on though! I love them too much not to include them 🥰

[hdawg1995]

Hey!

Kinda out of the blue, but I am super curious about your necromancer. Also - the OCs you've posted here are super cool, and I want to know if it's cool for me to draw them 'u'

*breaks down a door and grabs you*

OKAY SO BANE!

(i can't add a read more, i'm so sorry) Austin "Bane" Wyvernjack is one of my D&D characters that i probably will never play again (sadness). He's a death&magic domain cleric/bard (3.5 is awesome you get TWO domains!) and his whole neutral/evil shtick is that the living don't take care of the dead and the dead deserve better than what they get.

he was raised by two very kind retired adventurers after his mother left him on their door step (i always left the why up to my dungeon master but the campaigns never lasted long enough for Bane's past to get a spot light). the town he was raised it wasn't great- there was this priest who did the stereotypical fantasy priest thing and was controlling the whole town with religion and got everyone to turn on Bane.

"But why?" you may ask, and its because this little kid could see and hear ghosts! more importantly- he could see and hear the ghosts in the graveyard behind the church who couldn't move on because the priest fumbled their burial rights.

So Bane, being a good natured kiddo who didn't know why no one else could see the floating people did the burial rights. which pissed off the priest. so obviously the child who can see ghosts was a devil and they should get rid of him. and also tell him that the god he was raised to follow hated him for bonus points.

BUT UH OH! NOW THAT BANE HAD TURNED FROM THE GOD OF THE SUN, LIGHT, LIFE, GUESS HE'LL GO TO THE GODDESS OF DEATH, MAGIC, AND KNOWLEGE!

*insert "KNOWLEGE" meme*

BAne went from good boy to a pain in the Priest's ass as a form of teenage rebellion. this is how he got the nickname "Bane". he prefers that name (and "No one" because of spy antics in another campaign i tried to play him in) because when you follow a goddess of death, magic, and knowledge you KNOW you're gonna do necromancy and thats not liked in most parts of the world. since he adopted his adopted parent's last name he doesn't want anyone or anything going after them because they want to get at the necromancer, you know?

so off Bane goes to be a adventurer. he died *a lot*. in the first campaign i had with him at one point he died 3 times in combat due to the DM getting nothing but 20s against him. when she got the 4th 20 she didn't even say anything she just got up, went next door, bought some cookies and handed them to me. was not fun but it birthed the "Banes dead again" inside joke.

since i figured i would never play him again i started crafting a backstory for him where he gets a girlfriend and they're cute together but jokes on everyone Bane is one of those Bisexuals who thought they were gay and then realized "huh girls are nice too".

He plays the violin and has a ghost that haunts it named Daruk. Daruk was a man who wanted to be a adventurer but died before he could, so now he travels with Bane experiencing the adventure second hand- he also helps Bane some times. when he plays the violin Daruk is in Daruk can cast spells though the music. it has a fire motif and because Bane is a necromancer is GREEN FIRE!

Something Bane says that i always think about and chew on cause every time i do i pull more and more "ah HA!" moments from it is "the living are sheep who will follow any shepherd to the slaughter" because thats how he views the world- a town was easily convinced that a child was evil because they listened to a man who didn't like said child doing a better job than him.

BUT HE IS ALSO LIVING! HE IS VERY MUCH ALIVE! HE IS ALSO A SHEEP FOLLOWING A SHEPHERD TO THE SLAUGHTER!

everyone dies eventually, the sheep eventually are slaughtered. its the shepherd who decides the why and the how- is the shepherd in his phrasing life? death? the gods? YES! ALL THREE! your life choices, your timely or untimely demise, the things you believe in all shepherd you to your end and if that end is pretty or not really ain't up to you. at one point in time Bane felt he was the black sheep of the herd since he... well, was. normally the lone sheep that gets rejected or forgotten by the shepherd is left to the wolves so during that time Bane felt less like a sheep and more like a wolf in sheep's clothing. rather then trying to get in and harm the herd, it was just a huge sense of lack of belonging.

at one point i made Bane a NPC in a game i ran and gave him the ability to enter dreams and cause nightmares legit just ripping off from persona 5 (i even gave him a mask and drew it once.) and now he has this nightmare/pumpkin jack motif and i like to think he thinks its just neat.

None of my bards can sing to save their life. Bane is no different. he can play the violin, dance, and tell a story but sing? the number of times he has screamed in fear or pain (because he died a lot i can not stress that enough that is why i'm never gonna play him again the dice hate him) have ruined whatever vocal cords he has.

i joke that hes my "blue eyed pink haired emo boy" because he is but i never actually make his eyes blue. his eyes are this sickly pale green that glow when he is angry or doing magic (or if it would be spooky because he is dramatic like that and so am i). when he was a NPC i made it lore that the color eyes he has are known as "death's witness" and they're a magic genetic thing. if you see enough death in very specific ways your eyes change to that color and the gene for that color gets passed down to your immediate kin. your kids will have the gene but your grand kids won't (unless your kids happen to have kids with someone else with the gene). Bane has it because blue is a recessive gene and Death's Witness is also recessive, so it overrides the blue.

Bane doesn't have "minions" or "servants", he has friends/companions. i mentioned Daruk but he also has Cuddles the War Pony. CUDDLES' BACKSTORY IS REALLY SAD TW FOR ANIMAL DEATH BUT I LOVE CUDDLES SO GOD DAMN MUCH!

so war ponies are used by smaller races in war. Cuddles loved battle, she was a really good war pony. she got the name because she would cuddle and roll around with her rider(s) after battle to get all that energy out. one day her rider was killed in combat so she stood her ground to defend him. it was a losing fight, but she eventually won. unfortunately *she* was the only one who "one" that battle, so there wasn't anyone to arrive in time to treat her wounds and the enemy wasn't about to get anywhere near a war pony that just killed three men. she cuddled up to her rider and passed away to her injuries on the battle field. in the after life she was very restless- there wasn't a war to fight in the after life, there wasn't a battle or combat to participate in. all she did was run, she couldn't' settle down. Then one day a young necromancer found her bones, still on the battle field, alone. someone had come for her rider but not her. the necromancer felt sorry for the war pony and asked if she wanted to adventure with him. Cuddles was animated almost instantly and promptly tackled the young man, earning her name once more. TW OVER

and then during a campaign Bane got possessed by a demon who turned her into a skeletal nightmare pony. she can talk now! AND CAN FLY!

Right now i'm writing a story where Bane and my other table top characters who will never see the light of day again are living under one roof and there is a surprisingly lack of antics but one of the things about Bane in that story is that he is really happy he isn't constantly dying and has more time for his hobbies like playing the violin and wood carving.

WOW THAT WAS A LOT! Bane is my boi and i love him lots.

also YES! OMG DRAW MY OCS! I HAVE SO MUCH AFFECTION TOWARDS THAT IDEA! THANK YOU! IM GONNA STOP SCREAMING NOW!

[introverted-author]

Questions 11, 12, 16, 20, 23, 26, 29, 31, 38, 39, 42, 45?(sorry if it's too much)

Haha don't worry about it, I'm bored and need something to do :D

11. Which season had the best ending?

I love the ending of S2 with the Snow Ball!! It was nice to see the party and a few of the older kids just enjoying normal life to some degree (plus it was the first time I thought Jopper might be a possibility!!)

I also really love the end of S3 though, even if it makes me sob lol

12. Favourite quote?

I can't really think of any of the top of my head anamskdkmfnt but I think when Nancy and her mother are talking after she gets fired in S3 and Karen tells her that she's a fighter and always has been. Basically that whole discussion is AMAZING!!

16. Favourite deceased character?

Alexie!!! I loved him so much and he did not deserve that ending!! He was so happy at the fair 🥺

20. Favourite emotional moment?

How could I not say Robin's coming out scene?? To see lesbian representation done SO WELL in a show I love was just so validating and made me so happy!! I also love that Steve didn't make a big deal of it and just carried on teasing Robin as he always does. I really hope Robin will come out to some more people next season, especially Nance!!

23. Who has the best hairstyle throughout all the seasons?

Well I would say Nancy, but I really didn't like her hair in S3 😭

So instead I'm gonna say El!! I particularly love her hair in S2 and I was kinda upset when it all got cut off in S4.

26. Favourite icecream flavour?

Cookies and cream, although I also really like vanilla!!

29. Opinion on Jopper?

I LOVE THEM!!! I didn't ship it at first in S2 when I started to sense something was up but when we got to S3 and 4 I was shipping them so hard!!! And I freaked out when they actually finally kissed!!! They better get their date at Enzo's next season...

31. When was the first time you watched Stranger Things and how long have you been an fan?

I started watching it in early March. I had been to hospital the previous night and I was EXHAUSTED and my parents had watched it and my best friend likes it, so I decided to spend the day watching it. Obviously, I loved it haha!!

38. Top five favourite songs in the soundtrack?

Ohmigosh I love 80s music now haha thanks Stranger Things!! My favourites are probably (in no particular order):

1. Running Up That Hill

2. Every Breath You Take

3. Seperate Ways (Worlds Apart)

4. (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight (I did love this song before the show though)

5. California Dreaming

39. Opinion on Billy?

I think Billy's character is really interesting. I hated him at first but came to sympathise with him (although his trauma does not excuse his behaviour). I was quite upset when he died.

42. Opinion on the Wheeler family?

NANCY IS THE BEST AND I WANT HER TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND!!!

All that aside though, I find the dynamic between Karen and Ted really interesting and I also love how Nancy starts to be more open with Karen over time. Holly should be protected at all costs!! And I don't really like Mike, I find his character annoying, but I often like the Mike written in fanfic lol

45. Have you read any of the additional content?

I finished reading Rebel Robin the other day!! I loved it so much, I really saw myself and my journey with my sexuality represented in a way I hadn't seen before. I was laughing a lot cause (beside it being an entertaining book) I had experienced a lot of the same thoughts and confusion as Robin when trying to figure myself out. I'm now waiting to get Runaway Max from the library!!

[bigyikes97]

I got tagged by @bloodsoaked-rainbows, thanks! :D

Your Name: >:)

where in the world are you?: Florida, home of Florida Man, parasites and alligators! And beautiful natural springs but don't tell people shhh

your favorite color: Dark ocean blue

a song that always puts you in a good mood: Cupid by Fifty-Fifty

your favorite flower: Cherry blossoms, for the added effect of showers of petals, picnic-culture, metaphor, and the whole pomp of the thing

it’s a beautiful sunny day and you’re going on a picnic with friends. what snack are you bringing to share?: I’m bringing Nutter Butter cookies because they are at Walgreens and I probably stopped by there en-route after I forgot I had to bring something…

bumblebees or butterflies?: Bumblebees, but like, the big giant fluffy ones that bump into flowers clumsily. I’ve only seen them a few times and always from a distance but I enjoyed them heartily

describe your ideal weather: Windy, it feels exciting!

what are you reading right now?: I’m book bouncing but the last one I delved into was “In Search of Respect” by Philippe Bourgois.  

museum date or nature walk?: Maybe nature walk, although I do enjoy museums. 

it’s movie night in the park and your turn to choose, what are we watching?: We’re watching Resident Evil: Death Island >:) Because the whole park deserves to see competent intelligent female characters center-stage against zombies, sharks, zombie sharks, and zombie + zombie-shark combos. 

and finally, share some sunny words for your friends & followers: Make sure you touch grass every now and then! If you’re not ready to eat cake, don’t go inside a bakery. The longer you dwell on a problem the more overwhelming it will feel, so be sure to take breaks before making big decisions. Talking through a problem out loud helps you work through it. Naming your problem is the first step to overcoming it. If someone believes you can do something, you will be able to rise to the occasion, so be sure to believe in yourself as well!

I'm tagging (with no pressure of course) @ch40s0w1 @a-treatise-on-velociraptors @virgrrr

[insanechayne]

Things to tell Chandler:

~7/28 (12am-6am)

Apparently we have a doorbell somewhere in the ER? I heard it chime but idk who pushed it or where the button is or where the sound came from

My TikTok is kinda boring tonight, not as many fun videos as usual. But I did find one guy that takes suggestions of drinks to carbonate (really awful stuff, like certain types of alcohol or straight up milk) and then he tries them for everyone to see. His reactions are hilarious. Of course he’s from fucking Alabama. Your state is very well represented haha. But I’ve also seen a lot of videos of people dressing up as horror movie villains (like Michael Myers/Ghostface/etc.) and doing silly dances and shit like that, which is just fun

Earlier when Bree was here she was looking for something to show me on her phone and things were quiet for a moment, and through the closed door between us and the nurse’s station we hear Erika just saying “I just want to string profanities!” We busted up laughing so hard. I still don’t know what she was going on about with that

I don’t know if this is actually popular in some way, or if I happened to stumble upon it by being mentally ill, but there’s this specific niche of guys on TikTok (well I actually think it’s only 2 guys, literally) that have been making gay country songs. And I mean very graphic, full of gay sex country songs. But they’re also really good! These guys have a good sound and rhyming ability, so the whole thing is just fucking crazy.

~7/28 (3pm-12am)

Took mom to dinner, we went to this place called Horizon View Restaurant. Food was ok, a bit pricey for the quality. It’s one of those “it’s ok for Moab” type places. Unfortunately that’s most of what’s out here. Nothing is really great or stands out much. Like it’s not bad, it’s just not the standard of quality we’re used to coming from California. But it was still nice to go out for dinner with her. I like being around my mom and talking to her, we have a pretty good relationship despite the issues from my childhood. And I think it helped her to destress a bit, just to be able to go out and talk about all the nonsense and all that. I’ve got leftovers for dinner tonight, and I remembered to bring a cookie from home, so that’s nice. And I bought food for her to take home to my stepdad. She says “oh it’s too much, you didn’t have to buy Robert’s food too, let me send you money” and she just needs to stop 😅 Money will come and go, we only got one life so we may as well enjoy some of it when we can. And of course I had to buy food for Robert, he’s my stepdad and he was busy doing yard work and couldn’t come with us, so he deserves something too. But then we went to get Starbucks and she bought mine there, so it evened out 😂

Work is nice and quiet at the moment. It’s weird though, my doctor is in the ER here. I haven’t actually seen her or gone to her room or whatever, just see her on the board list of all the patients. I hope she’s alright. I’ll talk to her when she goes to leave, I’m sure.

Decided to read an actual book while also working through the short stories book. I think that’ll be manageable, reading one big story and then if I’m bored or tired I can go on to the smaller ones. Hopefully that works out, cause I do want to get through the short stories, but I’m not enjoying it enough to focus solely on them. But the book I grabbed to start was one I just bought when I was in junction, and it’s very highly rated/recommended on TikTok and in the horror community, and I’ve been wanting to read it for a really long time. The plot sounds pretty interesting so I’m very hopeful for it being good. And I think it has pictures, too!

I’m supposed to watch this documentary movie for therapy, something about this one therapist’s theories about mental health or whatever. I keep putting it off, but it’s only like an hour and a half, so I should probably get to it soon. But at the same time one of my favorite shows recently premiered their 5th season, and I’m 3-4 episodes behind, so I wanna get caught up on that too. I technically have plenty of time, but it’s like I just can’t focus these days. I gotta try to get back into all this, maybe just watch stuff little by little. Do 10-15 minutes at a time and then take a break if I have to, or if I feel like I’m drifting while watching. I don’t know.

Urgent Care is pissing me off lately. I think they’ve got some new people down there, maybe people doing training for licenses or whatever, getting experience and all that. And I think that’s great and everything, but half the time they won’t call us before just bringing a patient down to check in with ER. A lot of the time they’re bringing us the most ridiculous shit as it is, things that could definitely be taken care of in UC, so that’s already frustrating for everyone. But lately there’s this one guy who just wheels patients down to me to be checked in and nobody ever calls beforehand or anything, which they’re supposed to do. I know it seems like a small thing, and it kinda is, but the point of them calling let’s me alert my nurses and get a room/chart prepped for the patient while they’re being brought down. And it gives them a feel for what they’re going to be working with, which can dictate what room to put them in or if they’ll need to wait because something more serious is here, stuff like that. This one guy always brings down people who decided not to actually check in to UC, too, which is weird to me. I get maybe someone doesn’t know where to go to get better care, or they’re worried about insurance and copays and all that, but if they decide not to check in to UC and come to ER instead then they can (usually) just walk on over to where we are. Especially if they parked in front, since our lot is in back, and they probably won’t want to walk so far after they get discharged here. I don’t know, it’s not really a big deal, it’s just annoying me lately. Mostly I just want them to call and give me a heads up that someone is coming, regardless of whether or not that person actually checked into UC. But I also don’t want to be rude to this guy who’s trying his best and hasn’t been here very long. He’s always a little nervous/shy trying to give me report on the patient anyway, so I feel bad and want to just be nice. Getting upset with him won’t help the situation for any of us, you know?

Have you ever started a book that you knew immediately you were going to love? A book that felt specifically For You, where so many little details pique your interest and feel like they were written just for you to read them? That’s how I feel about the book I just started. It’s called Hidden Pictures, and yes there are actual pictures in the book! But all these little details are pinging in my brain as I was reading the first chapter, and the author’s style has a very natural and organic feel to it, flows very well. I can’t wait to get deeper into this book, cause so far it reads great.

We got a call from a tour guide saying he was going to bring someone in who wasn’t feeling well in their group, but that she doesn’t speak any English and has a foreign insurance. Not really a big deal overall, but our process for foreign patients is screwed up and nothing is really set in place or fixed. So we’re supposed to charge them after their visit, give them a receipt, and then they call their insurance and the insurance will reimburse them. Which would all be fine and dandy except we still have no way to put charges into the system to see how much they cost, do a total, enter the codes in for billing, or anything else. I don’t even know if that stuff is set up in Meditech yet. We have a “cash drawer” in Meditech that we can open and close and apparently charge things to, or collect money in, but nothing else is set up. So how can I complete this process and get the patient charged and all that if we have nothing set up and no procedures in place? Management keeps saying they’ll fix this and get us a set process, but of course nothing happens. But if we don’t do this shit then I bet you they’ll be like “why wasn’t the patient charged at discharge?” Just frustrating. Most I can do is have the nurses fill out paper charge sheets, which I can then scan and email to my boss who can figure it out with billing. Hopefully that’ll be good enough. I’ll have to mention the fact that there’s no way to put charges in or anything still, too. Ugh.

A lady came in saying she may have been gently bitten or scratched by a bat. Simple procedure, we just check them in for a rabies vaccine basically. But the interesting part of this story is that her husband caught the bat and they put it in a little glass jar and she’s convinced she needs to turn it over to the health department to check it for rabies. Krissy wouldn’t let them bring it into the hospital, for good reason. She kept telling them to let it go outside, but the lady kept saying she wanted to keep it. So her husband just went to put the jar and bat back in their car. Wild times

~7/29 (12am-8am)

So that weird call I got earlier about the foreign patient ended up not coming in, at first. The guy said they’d be getting a ride or an Uber or something but then never showed up. Couple hours later we got an ambulance page for someone who sounded like this patient, but then within like ten minutes dispatch said the ambulance was then cancelled. So we all kind of ignore it for a while, until about 2:30am when we get another page for that same patient, apparently this time they want to come in to the hospital for sure. So they get here and everything is fine, and I can hear the nurses talking about the situation, and apparently there was some kind of miscommunication all those hours earlier with dispatch and EMS, somehow they got the idea that the patient didn’t want to come in before or was going to come in by their own vehicle. So basically this patient was waiting in the lobby of their hotel for hours and hours for this ambulance that obviously never showed up until they decided to call for it again. If that were anyone other than a foreign patient that would be a huge lawsuit against EMS. But since she’s from out of the country I feel like she won’t even think to try to pursue anything, since it’d be a hassle for her. Which is really lucky for them. Just a terrible situation and we all feel awful for this patient having to suffer for so long

It’s crazy, we have no patients admitted on the main floor right now. I don’t know if that’s ever happened before, certainly not while I’ve worked here. I mean it’s great for the community and people not being so severely sick/hurt, but still very odd overall. So you got Med Surg nurses coming over here to talk and hang out (and sometimes jump in to help with patients) because they’re bored. Just got people sitting around doing fuck all over there. I mean truthfully that’s what I do, too, but still at least with my job there’s always the possibility that I’ll have to jump into action and actually do some work. Wild times we’re in here

~7/29 (3pm-12am)

A patient’s visitor had to come in and out a few times, but they were pretty nice, and I have the button now so I didn’t mind. They brought a little doggie in who was super sweet and cute. He held the dog up to the glass at my desk so I could wiggle my fingers under our little slide-through opening, and doggie leaned down to lick my finger 🥰 Anyhow, dude was finally leaving for good and as he was walking by he said he really loved my hair color, which was so nice to hear.

~7/30 (12am-9am)

Idk what all is going on with dispatch right now. Sometimes it’s hilarious to hear what they’re saying over the radios, though, since our police scanner picks everything up. So here’s a snippet I heard while scrolling TikTok earlier: Person A “Ohhh don’t say that out loud.” Person B “we’re all just trying to be more like you, sir.” Person C “L O L” (like they literally said it like ‘ell oh ell’ I’m not kidding)

I’m quite tired, and in my sleepy state I had a rather hilarious vision come to me. I don’t know what the future holds, but should I ever get married (whether to Bree or someone else) then obviously you’re gonna be one of my bridesmaids. We can think of a different title for the position, but I’m still absolutely going to put you in a dress like my other girls. Just for the actual ceremony, and just for the joke of it. It’s something I used to talk about doing with a different male friend of mine years and years ago (he’s gay, and we’re no longer friends, but he always rebutted by saying he’d make me wear a tux to be his groomsman, and I always agreed). So I got an image of you in a lovely satin, emerald green dress, strapless because that’s funnier, maybe some ruffle at the hemline? Holding a lovely bouquet of flowers, of course. Can you imagine? Ohh gave me a good laugh, so I hope it made you laugh too 😋

~7/30 (6pm-12am)

Since Bree and I became official I decided to just bite the bullet and tell dad right away so that I could get it over with. He took it better than I expected, actually. No yelling or screaming or anything like that. Of course I still got a bit of a lecture about it being a sin and how he’s going to pray for me everyday and shit like that. I think he took it personal in some way, saying stuff like “it makes me feel like I didn’t raise you right”, as if being gay is so horrendous, like I’m a murderer or something 🙄 but the whole thing only took about 15 minutes, he was quiet and calm, and then it was over. We agreed to just not talk about it, which is fine by me cause I really don’t care what he thinks anyway. But of course he says that he had a feeling and kind of knew anyway when she’d been over the other day (when we did the day trip to Cortez, she came inside briefly to meet/pet Jess). So if he wants to think he’s so special and observant and knew about us already then whatever, I’ll let him have that. I’m just glad it’s done with and I don’t have to keep worrying about it anymore 😮‍💨

We watched Venom 2: Let There Be Carnage, and that was pretty fun. The Venom movies have kind of a cheesy feel to them, very easy to watch and you don’t have to focus super intently, so even though I was kinda tired I was still able to enjoy it. I do love those big, ridiculous CGI fights, like in Deadpool 2 when Juggernaut fights Colossus, or pretty much everything in Transformers movies ha. So if you haven’t watched the Venom movies I’d definitely recommend them, they’re very fun 😊

~7/31 (7am-12am)

Woke up off and on through the night, couldn’t seem to get very comfortable, and damn cramps in my calf kept waking me up. I woke up for a little while around 7am, moved to the big recliner, took about an hour to fall asleep again, then I was mostly out around noon. Somehow I’m still a little tired 😅 but I’ve got a full day to just do nothing and relax by myself and not even leave the house, so I’m very pleased with that

I saw that the theatre in Moab now has Haunted Mansion, and they’re still playing the Barbie movie. So depending on showtimes this weekend, I asked Bree on a double movie date on Saturday, hopefully that’ll all work out nicely. I also asked my mom about having Bree over for dinner sometime, have my stepdad cook for us. She said it would be a nice idea so we’ll talk to Robert about that this week and see when we can plan something out 😊

Since we became official yesterday, Bree and I were talking about family’s reactions, cause I wanted to let her know about telling my dad. Her family is certainly much more supportive, and I’ve already met her parents since things just worked out that way with the Cortez trip and everything, and they’re both super sweet. So she said they were happy for us, and that her mom was like “I knew it!” 😂 And she said her grandma wants to meet me, so I’ll have to come over for dinner at her house sometime (Bree lives with her grandma and is a part-time caretaker, like how I am for my dad), which is why I then thought about having Bree over to mom and stepdad’s. But the response from almost everyone has been very positive and congratulatory, which is kind of a relief to me.

Bree already said yes to the movie date idea, that was quick 😂 I’ll have to wait for the theatre to post showtimes for Saturday, but the plan so far is to go see Barbie and Haunted Mansion, then go out for dinner after the movies. One of us will pay for movies and popcorn/snacks, the other will pay for dinner, and it all works out great ☺️ this’ll be a fun day, I’m super excited for those movies, but it’ll also be the longest date we’ve been able to have so far and really spend more time with each other, since most often we only have an hour or two because of our schedules. So I’ll write up an update for you after that takes place haha

I have a screenshot to go along with this, cause I think it’s cute, but Bree and I made matching posts on Facebook to announce our relationship 💖 I’ll send the pic at some other point in time, but didn’t want to forget to tell you about it

Going back to the date for a minute, cause I’m a bit excited about it, to say the least. I’ve been thinking about it all day, planning things out (I’m very Type A and need to plan everything down to the last detail basically). I’ve already got my outfit decided on, and a makeup look to go with it. I know I don’t need to like dress up or anything, and she doesn’t either, but it’s like… I kinda wanna impress her a little bit, you know? I know that’s probably kind of silly, since we’re already together and everything, but still. Plus then if we decide to take pictures together I’ll look good for them 😅😂

This whole relationship thing is a little crazy to me, really. I’m still kind of wrapping my head around all of it and trying to get it to set in. I’m just so awestruck all the time, thinking to myself “I have a girlfriend”, and it’s so brand new and it makes me feel tingly when I do think about it. And just how easy it’s been and everything, how we fell into it so naturally, and we both are pretty in tune with each other and are on the same level of intensity about things. I have to keep reminding myself that she likes me, and she already has seen me at times where I wasn’t at my best (like coming to work in pajamas, no makeup, hair up, tired as shit, basically how I am at least once or twice in my workweek anyway ha), and that never changed her perception of me. I still get stuck sometimes, thinking to myself that she can do better and things like that, you know how my anxiety can get. But I’ve found it a lot easier to pull myself away from those thoughts with her, since she did like me for a long time before I got the courage up to ask her out. And even that I can’t believe. Someone liked me? When they saw all the weird, not great parts of me? When I wasn’t wearing makeup or trying to look my best? Someone *still* likes me?? Someone wants to be with me despite all of that?? That’s what’s crazy to me. That’s what I can’t wrap my head around sometimes and I have to keep trying to get it to set in. And her and I have talked about some of this, not necessarily to this level, but I did explain to her that I get really bad anxiety and need a lot of reassurance, that I’ll probably ask her sometimes about still wanting to be with me, etc., and she’s ok with all of that. She has similar issues, and we both know I’m very overbearing in telling someone how much I care about them, so it won’t exactly be hard for me to shower her with kind words and assurances and all of that. It’s funny, when we were just friends I used to say that “we have the same ADHD, and we’re the same type of gay.” Should have taken that as a sigh to ask her sooner, huh? 😅

Sorry for babbling so much about this relationship stuff. I’m sure by this point in reading this huge thing you’re already annoyed. And I can almost guarantee it will get worse as the days go on (six days is a very long time, especially when I’ve not got much of a life and too much time to think). But thanks for giving me the push I needed to actually ask her out, cause it worked out really well for me. I appreciate all your support. You’re a damn good ally 🏳️‍🌈

Onto some not great news, my mom got fired. I don’t know what all led up to it today, but I do what’s been happening this whole time and frankly it just sounds like a lot of discrimination against her. I hope she contacts a lawyer because I’m sure she’d have a good case that she could proceed with. Just hope things work out for her soon, I know she’s been applying to lots of jobs recently anyway cause she was feeling this was going to happen a while ago. So I just hope it works out for the better. There’s not much else I can do, really. I don’t think I could even pitch in for bills, or at least not much anyway, since I still have to pay for my own house and bills and food, etc., and sometimes the budget is kinda tight as it is (not like I’m getting a bunch of overtime every week in normal circumstances). But I’ll talk to her about it when I see her Wednesday, see if there’s a way I can help at all.

~8/1 (12am-1am)

I hope you’re having a wonderful time on vacation. It’s definitely hard not talking to you, since I have less to occupy my time. I have to keep reminding myself not to constantly refresh my tumblr waiting for a message from you 😅 got so used to it, it’s just a habit now, so I’m trying to break out of that for a while. Miss you a bunch already. But as long as you’re having fun and getting to rest and have a break, that’s what’s most important 🙂 can’t wait to hear about everything when you get back, I’m counting the days haha

Dad finally decided to re-watch the Saw movies with me, so we watched the first two today (or technically yesterday, I guess by this time). Hadn’t seen the first one in so long I’d kinda forgotten a lot of the little details, so it was cool to experience it again. I remembered a lot more of the second one, but it was still fun to watch again and relive it a bit. Dad and I were reminiscing about the first time we watched them when I was a kid (since the first Saw came out in 2004, and I was about 9-10 depending on what month we actually ended up watching it). Growing up we always bonded best over horror movies, because it was special getting to see them as a kid when nobody else you knew was allowed to watch that stuff, and if we were watching a horror movie I knew I wasn’t in trouble for anything and we weren’t going to fight, we’d just get snacks and enjoy the bloodshed. I recently came to that revelation in a therapy session a couple months back, that those memories and rare good times are a big part of what contributes to my love of horror and why it’s so special to me. Idk maybe I mentioned that before, I can’t remember. But in any case, watching the Saw movies again gives me those good memories and happy feelings. Which I guess is kinda weird when you consider how much gore there is in them. It is what it is now 🤷🏼‍♀️ and I know they’re not your thing, I’m not saying any of this to try to prod you into watching them. Just sharing the happy stuff, you know

But speaking of Saw, on that first day Bree and I were together when we were driving back from Cortez we were talking about horror and stuff, and I was talking about how much I love Saw, and she said she’s never seen any of them either. I was telling her how excited I was for the new one and she said “so you’re saying I have to catch up on all the others before we go see the new one together, right?” Which was so adorable/sweet, in my opinion. And gory stuff doesn’t bother her at all, so I think she’ll be fine watching them. So yeah I’m pretty sure I can get her to watch them with me soon, too. And frankly I’ll marathon Saw any damn day of the week, won’t ever say no to watching those movies (I really am sick in the head huh? 😂). But this I’m mentioning because I thought it was cute the way she talked about catching up, and insinuating that we’d go see the new one on a date. She’s wonderful 😊

~8/1 (6am-12am)

Didn’t sleep super great, again. I got to cuddle Jess for a while, which was nice, but I woke up pretty stiff/sore. Moved to the recliner but couldn’t really fall back to sleep, mostly just rest my eyes and stretched out there for about an hour and a half. I did have this very silly dream at some point though. You finally said you’d be ok exchanging phone numbers so we could just like text and stuff, and you said “I’ll give you one day to send me as many stupid TikToks as you want, but only one day and then we gotta limit it” so I just went fucking wild 😂 I swear I must have sent you like 150, which you were kind enough to watch and react to all of them. I think it took you like two hours to get through them all, but you did it. So that was just funny

Had my therapy session this morning, which went pretty well. I’m learning to be more positive and have good changes and growth, so he thinks I’m doing great overall. We’re finding that I’m really internalizing the lessons and tools we discuss in therapy, and using them to make changes to my life overall so that I’m living happier and healthier, whereas other patients have some trouble with that and need to focus to get those lessons to become more natural for them. I was doing it without even realizing it, so that’s great news. Sometimes I don’t recognize the positive changes I’ve made until we hold up the mirror for me to see, but at least they’re there. Next week we’re going to do a trauma intensive session where we really go through one traumatic event (in this case we’ll be discussing my homelessness) and work through that. It’s blocked out for 2 hours, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m kinda excited, really, cause I’ll finally get to purge so much of this shit stuck inside from going through all that.

Aside from just therapy I’ve had a rather full day (for me, anyway). I also had a different doctor’s appointment, then had to go to the post office and pharmacy. And at the post office they gave me the wrong package and I didn’t realize it at first, so once I caught that I had to go back in to get the right package instead. Finally home, it’s about 1pm now, and I’m just completely exhausted. Idk why but I feel so wiped out, and my eyes are so tired. I’m gonna try to take a nap in a bit, I think.

I hope you’re out doing a bunch of fun stuff, or maybe just getting to relax for a while since you need some rest, too. Ugh I miss you terribly. Is it Sunday yet? 😅

I took my nap and now I feel much better and more rested. I had some leftover chili cheese fries from the place we went to for lunch, which was even good cold 😋 and dad and I are planning to watch Saw 3 soon. Just gonna try to run through the whole series before the new one comes out, because I know he’s going to want to try to see it in theatres with me if he’s able. Have to see if he loses enough weight to be able to go to a theatre and handle walking around, stuff like that. But he did actually start his diet again recently, so hopefully he’ll stick to it and get healthier here little by little. I’m trying to be as supportive as I can with buying better food and such, so you know. Anyway, I digress, not gonna go on and on 

Speaking of Saw, I got my purse today! I haven’t opened the box yet, so I’ll write up another little update once I do, but at least I got the package and don’t have to keep tracking it all the time now. I’m super excited to switch everything into it now

Also found that if I word things in a certain way with my dad he’s much more receptive/supportive about things (at least as much as he can be). So if I just say something like “Bree and I are planning to go see these movies on Saturday, so I probably won’t be home until Sunday morning”, he won’t get upset about it and will just say “that’s good, you deserve to have fun.” It kind of bridges the gap between us now. We both know Bree is my girlfriend, but not saying it that way makes it easier for him to accept, I think. It’s not a perfect situation, and I don’t know that I’ll ever really get acceptance from him on this, but right now it’s progress and the best I can hope for. Some years ago it would have been a huge fight, and he would have kept prodding at me and bringing it up to yell at me and try to make me breakup with her, so I guess I can be thankful that he’s made enough strides in personal growth that it doesn’t have to be like that. I still do feel a little weird/nervous even mentioning her name, simply because the knowledge of the relationship is out there, and I worry it’ll trigger something and make him huff or say something rude. But so far that hasn’t happen, so I’m trying to let it go.

Oh this reminds me, swinging back to my therapy for a moment, my therapist was at first kinda shocked to hear about Bree. He was like “what? When did this happen? Who’s Bree?” And I had to laugh. I went through the whole thing, and I know I’ve mentioned her before but not like a ton since I’m always talking about myself, of course, so I guess he forgot her name in combination with how many other friends I’ve mentioned before. I had to explain how things just kind of fell together, because he was surprised I’d never mentioned these types of romantic feelings towards her or going on dates or anything. I had to keep being like “it just happened, bro, like a week ago” 😂 but in any case he thinks that is awesome, and a great positive change in my life and something to be proud of for stepping up and asking her out myself, which is really nice to hear

I was thinking about you a bit today (though when am I not, really? 😅), just in like wondering what you’re up to on vacation and stuff like that. I’ve got a vision of my head of you smiling and being happy, and that makes me smile to think of 🙂

I finally opened the package for my new purse and it looks amazing! I’ll send pics later on (when you’re back around here), but I’m really so happy with this purchase. It’s a lot bigger than I expected, since a lot of these novelty bags can be pretty small and barely hold anything inside. But this one has a decently large holding area, with a side pouch inside. I think I might even be able to still fit a book inside along with all my other things. I’ll have to try that tomorrow when I move everything else into it. Can’t wait to walk into work with this creepy ass purse, freak out the nurses 😂

Also got around to washing my hair. I know it’s kinda gross to wait so long, but I wanted to go a full week to let the color really set into my roots and let my natural oils come back into my scalp, since bleaching is pretty harsh. So far there’s been minimal leaking of the color during washing, and it still looks pretty vibrant even after using shampoo and conditioner and all that. The stylist I went to did a great job, I’ll probably go back to her the next time I want to do a color, too. I’m thinking maybe bright purple in November? For my birthday haha

~8/2 (12am-2:30am)

I’m super awake all of a sudden. I thought my warm shower would relax me, since I was doing all my nice skincare and stuff, but it seems to have done the opposite 😬 ah well, I suppose I can stay up a bit since I don’t have any specific time I need to go back to mom’s house, really. As long as I’ve got enough time to pack lunch before work I’m good. But I’ve been finding it so hard to sleep lately, so who knows what’ll happen, regardless of how I try to plan things out. Maybe I should try to go to mom’s early, that way I have time to talk to her about what happened with work and see if I can make her feel a little better or something 😕

Definitely not looking forward to work tomorrow, but then when am I ever? And I like my job, really. I’m just still kinda worn out in general, I think. I was doing so much on my mini vacation that I didn’t really have much time to rest at all. Would have been nice to have had a full day in the hotel, just ordering pizza or other takeout, watchinf something silly on tv, reading, all that good stuff. I’ll have to try to plan for that next time I get to do something like that. Work won’t be so bad, I guess. Only 3 days cause this is my short week, and then Saturday I’ll get to watch movies and have dinner with Bree, and I’m very excited for that, so I’ve got something to look forward to 😊 I’m gonna try to finish this book I’m on, too. I’ve got 3 days, should be fine to finish it out, especially since I am enjoying it. Oh and I should try to get caught up on one of my shows that started again recently… already putting too much on myself, and then I’ll end up doing nothing, so I should stop now and just breathe 😅

Sorry for babbling so much here, and in general. I know none of this stuff is really all that important, some of it’s probably kinda boring/annoying to you by now. It is pretty hard for me not to get to talk to you, so this is the easiest way for me to kind of fill that void. Though maybe expecting you to read all this isn’t really fair of me… but I know I’d forget so much of this if I just wanted to talk to you when you got back, especially with so much to catch up on and wanting to hear all about your trip and everything. And it would definitely be shitty if I were just spamming you all day while you’re off trying to have fun. But I still kinda feel like this big long message is a bit of a burden on you to try to read and respond to (not that I expect you to respond to every little thing, or even most of this, since a lot of this is just me talking or telling you a silly story). The thing is, I know you *will* read it. You’re the only person I can really trust to read everything I send to you, no matter what, which really means a lot to me. You always make me feel heard and appreciated and respected. I hope I do the same for you. And I think maybe because I know I can count on you for that, that’s why I feel a little guilty about doing this. Ah I don’t know. Just stuck in my feelings again, you know me. I’ve come too far now to stop or try to delete all this or anything, so I guess you’ll just have to deal with it 🤷🏼‍♀️

But also, I wanna say thanks for always making time for me. Even when you were super busy cleaning and getting everything ready before the vacation, you still took the time to talk to me every day when you could, and I can’t even really put into words how much that matters to me. Yeah I miss you, yeah I wish I could talk to you more often overall, but the weight of those actions overshadows the other stuff. I really am just glad to be a part of your life every day, and have you in mine. Wish I could hug you for real, but guess this’ll have to do 🫂

Idk why I’m all mushy right now. Though I guess this is how I usually am anyway, so not like you aren’t used to me. But still. I’ve been a little overwhelmed with emotions lately, dealing with a lot of stuff swirling around in my head and all that. I won’t get into it, I know you don’t want to hear about this, just saying it’s contributing to my being a little sweeter right now 😅 you do deserve to hear this stuff, though. You’re my best friend for a reason. You really are such a wonderful person, and I care very much for you.

Alright I’ll stop all that for now before I say something we’ll both regret ha

I’m trying this new sleep mask thing, not one of those ones that goes over your eyes but like a cream mask (skincare thing), it’s meant to be an overnight moisturizer. You apply a thin layer, rub into your skin, let it dry, leave it on all night, then rinse face in warm water in the morning. So it’s all dry and everything by now, and it’s already left my skin pretty soft and smooth. Some parts of my face can get pretty dry, but this makes everything feel evened out, which I really like. And it smells pretty cause it’s lavender and chamomile 😌

I am kinda hungry though, but I don’t have anything to snack on. I wish I had more chips and salsa, but I finished those off yesterday. I don’t really want to get out of bed, but I’m still gonna complain about wanting a snack 😂

~8/2 (1:30pm-6pm)

Ugh I’m so tired. I’ve barely slept at all. Didn’t get to bed until 2:30am, woke up at 7:30am, then was very in and out until about 11:30am. I tried laying around a bit, but it hasn’t worked, and my eyes just want to close. But I have to start getting ready to go to mom’s soon, and then also get ready for work and all that. I want to do some nice makeup today, but I’m also so tired I kinda wanna be lazy about that, so I’m in a debate with myself for it. I’ll probably end up doing it anyway, since I want to be able to use all that stuff I just bought as often as I can. But maybe I’ll do a really simple look today. Like just face stuff (foundation, contour/highlight, blush) and some quick eyeliner and mascara. Eh in any case I’ll take some pics to show you later on

I still have to switch everything to the new bag, too. Didn’t do it last night because I was being lazy, so now I’ll have to do it right before I leave. I guess that’s not so bad, shouldn’t take too long anyway.

I was having some weird dreams about being on Price is Right, probably cause I was hearing my dad watching it in the other room. In the dream I was part of the show, but more in the background? So not like a model presenting stuff directly. But there were these giant water tanks with fake coral on the stage now, behind all the games (or I guess the tanks were stable and the games got moved around in front of them) and me and two other people were hired to be “mermaids” in the tank, I guess to make the games exciting and look fun with the new setup. In real life there are shops where you can buy silicone mermaid tails that you can wear in pools and such, so in the dream we had those special tails to use for swimming in the tank. I remember mine being really colorful but I can’t remember the actual colors now, of course 😅 so basically I spent this dream swimming around a nice tank, waving at contestants and shit. Such a dumb dream, thought it might give you a little laugh

Got to my mom’s house around 3:45pm, so I got to talk to her for a bit. She told me the whole story about what happened with her getting fired, and she’s already contacted a lawyer, which is good. I feel bad, but there’s not much I can do aside from be encouraging/comforting/supportive. Things will work out as they’re meant to, I suppose.

She’s a little overbearing on the support of my relationship though, like she’s getting weird about certain things. Like I told her about me and Bree going out on Saturday and she says “I don’t mind if you bring her over, but you guys can’t be alone in your room together.” What, am I 12?? Not that we’re at that stage yet in the first place, but geez she doesn’t have to act like that either way. And then she says “I just don’t want other people enjoying sex in my house if I’m not able to partake anymore” (cause after her hysterectomy it’s too painful for her to do anything, I know I mentioned that before). I don’t know what to do about her 🤦🏼‍♀️ she’s still more accepting and everything than my dad, so I gotta put up with her, but still she’s bugging me a little bit

I did end up doing my makeup, so I’ll save some pics to send later on. I’m not so tired anymore, so that’s something. I packed up a lunch for work, but I’ll probably go grab something quick from McDonald’s before I go in, cause I’m hungry but too tired to make anything else.

Oh yeah, my mom asked if I had told you about Bree yet, basically insinuating that you might be jealous for some reason. I was like “who do you think encouraged me to ask her out?” which surprised her enough to shut her up. I slipped and told her I liked you one time, now I’ll never hear the end of it 😬

Bree texted me earlier and said people are talking about us at work. Of course the word’s gotten out already, since gossip spreads quick in the hospital. But it’s no big deal since we made it public and everything, so let ‘em talk. Someone told Bree congrats though, which is cute 😂

I did end up getting McDonald’s for a snack. I always order a Diet Coke, right. But at the window the girl’s said it was just Coke, so I politely said it was supposed to be Diet. She took it back and said she’d change it, gave me a new drink, it ends up being Coke anyway 🙄 it’s not a huge deal to have a regular coke here and there, I just really don’t care much for it. So I’m blaming you for this 😋

I wonder if we’re getting a storm coming through. I’m sitting in the McDonald’s parking lot and all of a sudden we got hit with these huge gusts of strong winds, and it stayed windy for about 5 minutes or so. It’s calmed down now, but still that was kinda weird

Almost time for me to go into work, sigh. And knowing I won’t get to talk to you at all just makes my work day that much more boring. At least when I’m obsessively checking tumblr for your messages it makes the time pass quicker 😅 I’m just joking around though, really. I’m sure it’ll be a good day

~8/2 (6pm-12am)

Figure I’ll break this up a bit today, since it was getting to be a long block of text up there before.

As I was walking in I could hear really loud thunder, and the wind picked up again. The sky is all gray and dark, too, I love it 😊 I just saw some lighting and it started to rain a few minutes ago, hopefully the rain will drive everyone away ha

Prudence is covering some shifts now that McKenna is gone. And it’s great that she’s helping out and everything, but at the same time she’s not really used to the way ER works, so there’s a lot I have to check up on to make sure they don’t need to be cleaned up. So far just a few things not done, like labeling the incoming faxes, but that’s really not a big deal. And I know she was frazzled from working something she doesn’t know well, but she said they had 6 patients today and that that was a lot… but I digress

I’m a little annoyed though cause the chair I’d been using has been moved. Tess brought it back here specifically for me, and it had been fine for a while, so there’s no reason it shouldn’t still be here. So now I gotta email Tess and see about getting it back, and hopefully I can get a bit comfortable in this other chairs and not wreck my back today ☹️

Idk why but I’m like burning up today. Maybe I just haven’t had enough time to sit and let my body regulate, cause I’ve had to do some paperwork and stuff already at work here. Or maybe it’s the pound of makeup on my face 😂 in any case, I feel muggy and it’s gross. I’m gonna drink some water and see if that helps.

I hope it’s not too hot where you are right now. Though I suppose if you stayed anywhere in the south then it’s bound to be hot no matter what 🤔 but I hate being hot and sweaty on vacation, cause then I’m just uncomfortable and cranky the whole time, so I hope you’re not going through that kind of thing right now cause that would not be fun. Or maybe you’ve been indoors a lot, and then it wouldn’t really matter how hot it is outside if you’re in nice AC 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m just babbling away cause I’m bored, you know how it goes. Not much to do right now aside from waiting for Bree to come see me after her shift ends. I’ve got half a mind to jokingly ask her if she wants to kiss in the rain 😅 but I don’t want to make her too uncomfortable since we are at work still

Georgia’s birthday is coming up on 8/5, but I’m hearing that there’s already cake somewhere around the ER 👀 I’m gonna have to go hunt it down and have a little piece soon

The whole quitting smoking thing has been going pretty well, for the most part. It’s harder when I’m driving or about to go to work, cause that’s when I’d smoke most often, so that’s when I feel the cravings a bit more. Or if I see someone smoking (like on tv or a movie or whatever; for example, there’s some minor smoking scenes in Saw and that made me want one pretty bad) then I tend to want a cigarette moreso since it’s a visual association. But otherwise it’s not awful. I don’t have too hard of a time pushing those thoughts away and distracting myself from the cravings and such. It is still a bit difficult trying to remove it from my psyche in the sense of it being like such a huge part of my personality and things like that, but I think I’m doing ok with that right now.

Idk what’s going on but I heard Krissy say “I’m sorry, I got seduced by the cottage cheese!” So that’s fun out of context

Speaking of, I don’t know how Krissy is still here. She never seems to have a day off, this one. At this point we should just dedicate one of the rooms to her so she can rest when her shift is done 😂

I was taking care of some things I needed to handle for college coming up at the end of this month, and my student loans don’t cover the full amount of my tuition for this semester. I’m thinking I may need to drop 1-2 classes of the 4 I’m enrolled in, which would make my academic journey take longer, but could be more affordable. Cause how am I gonna come up with $1700 by the 16th?? That’s how much is left over after my loans pay out. My mom suggested looking into payment plans or trying to get a student loan with my bank, so I guess I’ll look into all that this weekend. Just sucks, the way things were estimated when I was first applying/enrolling seemed like the loan would be just enough to cover everything, maybe a couple hundred bucks I’d have to throw in. I suppose if I do have to give up some classes I can put off like Nutrition and Balancing Work and Family, since I wasn’t super excited for those anyway, and they were mostly credit courses to take off some prerequisites for my eventual majors. Not like I can’t just take them some other time. As long as I can keep creative writing and Geology I think I’ll be happy with that, because then I’m still making progress towards what I want to do for my Bachelor’s eventually (well, sort of anyway; Geology isn’t really part of Health Science, but is still a science, so I’m counting it). Ugh I should have been born into generational wealth. Fucking poor parents that I’m stuck with 🙄

Bree came to spend time with me, of course. We had a nice time just hanging out together. We always end up laughing and telling each other silly stories. And we try not to be too PDA at work, for obvious reasons, but we keep the door between me and the nurses closed when she’s here, and try to talk a little quieter, so we held hands for a minute when she’d first come by, and before she left I got a full on hug and it felt so wonderful. Not just the human contact, but the closeness to my partner and the love in the hug. I got some butterflies just from that 🥰 and she knows about my need to confirm things a bunch of times and all that, so she actively talked about our Saturday plans with that positive confirmation, and said she was super excited to go out that day, which really made me feel special. I have a lot of trouble with feeling like I’m bothering people or being too pushy or overbearing or whatever, especially when I have to ask them about confirming plans, and I always have that question of “do they really want to spend time with me” in the back of my head, but she always makes it so clear that she wants to be with me and spend time with me and all of that, and it really just fills my heart with so much joy.

Ah sorry for babbling about Bree again. I’m just having a moment over here 😅 haven’t been in a relationship in so long, and the last person I was with wasn’t all that great during the relationship anyway, so I’m not used to kind treatment. It short circuits me a little bit, because there’s also that part of me that feels like I don’t deserve to be treated so nicely. But I’m starting to work through that little by little. Anyhow, I can’t say it won’t happen again, because we both know that it will. Obviously I’ll be giving you every detail of what happens Saturday, too 😂 but I’ll try to keep it on a minimum until then haha

~8/3 (12am-6am)

Tim’s working this week, and Krissy was only doing a half shift tonight so she left at midnight. She’s finally getting like 5 days off, poor thing has been working a crazy schedule for weeks now. But anyway, the ER is empty and Dr Reay is in the Doc Box, so it’s just me and Tim in here. He’s at his desk at the nurse’s station, but it’s directly behind me, so every so often we’ll just kinda yell something to each other 😂 mostly just hanging around and doing our own thing though, and it’s very comfortable

We were also hearing that search and rescue got called out for someone on a river around here. Idk who was out doing river activities after midnight, but of course they were gonna get swept away 🙄 but search and rescue found them, which is good, and hopefully they’re ok and won’t need to come around here

I think my TikTok gave up on my algorithm cause at this point it’s all just masked dudes 😅 not that I’m really complaining about that or anything, just saying it’s kinda funny that I broke TikTok and turned my page into this. I did discuss these videos with Bree, and she doesn’t mind me watching them still. Which maybe I mentioned that before, I can’t remember now. But it’s nice that she doesn’t care, cause I don’t know how I’d get it to reset at this point 😳

And I’ll say what I’m always saying: I miss you so much. Work really is harder to get through without getting to talk to you, or even just message you with the knowledge that you’ll see my message the next day and I’ll get to talk to you later on. I’m just so bored and have very little to occupy my time. TikTok is fun but it can get boring after a while, too. And I have my book but I tend to get distracted while reading lately. My mind is always wandering and it goes places I don’t always want it to go, so that’s not great. And I have trouble just sitting and watching something. I have to move my hands and fidget in some way, so I end up going on my phone and then missing parts of the plot. So I’m just having a blah kind of time in general. And I’m also jealous cause you don’t have to work this week, and I wish I didn’t have to work because I’d definitely like some more time to rest/relax right now. I’m pretty sleepy right now, honestly. Hopefully that’ll make me sleep better when I get back home, but still. I knew not getting to talk to you would be difficult for me, but damn this is starting to hurt 😅 that means you’re stuck with me forever then, now you’re definitely not allowed to ever leave me or not be friends with me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ok in all seriousness though, I know the way I’m talking makes it sound like it’s all about me. But I honestly am happy that you’re off having a good time and getting a vacation and all that. You really did need a break, can’t think of anyone more deserving of some time away than you. I just like to talk, and typing this up helps fill my time and keep me occupied/awake. And I guess I’m a little worried that you won’t come back on here or talk to me anymore now that you haven’t had to put up with me for a while. I feel like I pressure you in some way to talk to me every day when you are here, or like it’s becoming an obligation you have to fulfill. I’m always worried that I’m being annoying or overbearing or whatever else I’m being, since I don’t know how to shut my damn mouth. I’m not trying to put words in your mouth or saying that you actually feel that way, I just always have it in the back of my head that at some point you could feel that way, if that makes sense.

Bleh ok enough of this serious nonsense for now. Im not trying to bring the mood down or anything. I know you’re not gonna want to read all this moody crap after a nice vacation, so I’m trying to limit all this. Just get stuck on those 3am thoughts, you know? But we’re moving on.

Tim offered to make us some coffee in a bit here, so that’s nice of him. I don’t know how to use the fancy coffee machines in the break room anyway, since they’re like espresso makers or some shit. Do you think it’s a good idea to have a double shot at 3am? Maybe if I dilute it with enough cream and sugar it’ll be fine 🤔

Tim showed me how to use all the fancy coffee machines, they’re actually not as complicated as I thought they’d be, they just look a little intimidating at first. I don’t really drink coffee very much, but nice to have the option. But Tim found one of Caitlin’s old mugs in the cupboard and of course I’m having to use hers 😂 but we both kinda got to gripe about her, so that was fun. Tim is super nice though, he won’t outright say anything mean about anyone, which is a lovely quality in a person. Anyhow, I did use up a bunch of cream and sugar but the coffee tastes pretty good. A little bitter, but not terrible. And caffeine really doesn’t affect me very much, so I’ll still be able to sleep when I get home. Also they found that person on the river and they’re fine, don’t need medical attention or anything, just need to get somewhere dry. I’m glad that all worked out for the best.

I found some of the good chairs floating around in front of the nurse’s station (and I usually never have to walk around there, so I wonder if they were there all day and I just didn’t see them). So thankfully I’ve got one now, but it’s 4am and my back is already half wrecked. At least I’ve got some relief for the moment

Tim and I got to chat for about an hour, just full on sitting and talking to each other. Which we don’t do super often for some reason. I think we just got so comfortable with each other that we don’t really need to have long conversations often. But he’s nice to talk to cause we do get along really well, especially when it’s just us two around here. After that he had to do stocking in some of the rooms, and I had to do my paperwork. But as he’s stocking one of the big trauma rooms in front of our areas he calls me over telling me to help him count all the outlets in that room. Turns out one of the new trauma rooms has 52 outlets, and the other has 48. For what purpose?? We’re such a small hospital, I don’t think we even have enough machines to plug into those outlets all at one time. And there’s no reason a patient would need that many things at once anyway, so it’s grossly unnecessary. We were laughing about it because we have all these outlets but no bathroom on this new side of the ER. The things that get overlooked in planning, you know? Just wild

~8/3 (4pm-12am)

Woke up with my back basically in shards. That chair I had to use most of last night really did a number on me. And Tess had texted me to ask if we could meet up when I got to work later, so I guess she’s going to come talk to me around 6pm or so when I clock in. I don’t know what she wants, and I usually get along with Tess very well, but I have a feeling that she’s going to bring up what happened with my mom, and I don’t really want to discuss that with someone in management. But we’ll just have to see what happens. Maybe she just wants to see my hair, since she’s one of the only people who hasn’t seen it yet after giving me the ok for it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Bree texted me some cute little drawings/comics of cows, so that was very pleasant to wake up to 🥰

This morning mom told me she had leftover spaghetti in the fridge, so I’ll get to have that before I go to work, which is awesome. I’ve been craving spaghetti anyway so that works out great 😋

Just had the spaghetti and it was really good. Kinda wish there was more cause I’m still a bit hungry 😅

I had to upload on ibuprofen when I woke up, since my back was hurting so bad. And I took an extra Prednisone. I’ve been able to rest in my chair here for a little bit (still at mom’s house) so I feel a bit better now, hopefully it gets better as the night goes on.

I was dreaming about Bree and I going out on Saturday, and I woke up all sad that I still had to wait a couple days to be able to do that 😂

I also got to cuddle Ty for a bit. He gave me some kisses on my nose. He doesn’t really like to be held/cuddled so much anymore with how sick and grumpy he is all the time, but sometimes he likes when I pick him up and cradle him for a few minutes. My mom gets a little jealous though cause he doesn’t really let her do that anymore ha

Pre-season football apparently starts today, which I just found out when I woke up. But the preseason game that’s on tonight has teams I don’t care about, so guess I still won’t be watching it. Unless Erika wants me to bring it up at work so that all of us can wander in and watch while dealing with patients and such. I’ve done that for her before. I just hope I get to see my Seahawks play this season, I didn’t really get to see many of their games last year, or many games in general. So I’m gonna try to stay more on top of it this year if I can. Last year we were so busy around the hospital that even when I could pull up games it was hard to keep up since we’d get so many patients and have to run around doing things. But this year we’ve been oddly slower for several weeks, and if it keeps trending this way then I should be fine to watch most of the games that play during my work week (like Thursday night football).

Tess did come around for a while. We talked very briefly about what happened with my mom. I tried to keep it kinda shut down, just saying we don’t really talk about work much at home and that she’s just trying to move on, stuff like that. But Tess wanted to assure me that my job is secure and nothing is going to happen to me or my stepdad, so that’s something. We also discussed some new processes for the clerks to handle, most of which is just redundant. If our cash box stays at $200 and doesn’t get opened or used or anything during the course of a shift, what’s the point of filling out and turning in a stupid little slip just to say nothing changed? Seems pointless unless we actually do have something change, like taking a payment from a patient or needing to take out money from the box for a cab or whatever, and then those things have other specific forms to fill out anyway, so it just seems like a lot of hullabaloo to me. But I’ll do it anyway, because I’m supposed to 😬

At least talking to Tess took up about an hour, so only 11 more to go now. Tim is working this week, so I can talk to him if I get bored. And Brandi is back, too, and since things were getting better between us last time she was here I might try to start up a conversation about books or something when we’re a bit calmer. I’m pretty sure there’s still cake in the breakroom, too, so maybe I’ll grab a piece later on. So far seems like just a normal day, which I guess is better than an abnormal day 🤷🏼‍♀️

I wonder what you’re up to right now 🤔 I know you’ll tell me later, but I’m still trying to figure out where you went, so my mind is coming up with random images trying to piece it together. Idk why but I kinda have an image of you next to some kind of famous statue, flexing as you lean against it, something like that. Would love to see you in some kind of silly hat. I’m not sure why that’s what came to me just now, but I think it’d be funny to see this big tough guy in like Mickey Mouse ears or something 😂 well wherever you are I hope you’re staying hydrated, wearing sunscreen, all the good stuff. Maybe next time you’ll take a vacation out here in Utah, hmm? 😉 just messing with you. I’d love to get to hang out with you someday, of course, but I don’t know that you’d like it much out here. It’s kinda boring unless you really love hiking/camping/outdoor shit. The only fun you’d really have out here would be getting to see me, but then I’m even more annoying in real life and you’d probably be sick of me after ten minutes 😅 but still, maybe one day I’ll get to see you for real 😊

Ugh just had a patient’s husband come in, saying he was here to pick up his wife. So frankly he should have just waited in the lobby the five minutes it would have taken for her to come out since she was already discharged. But he asked if he could just come back to the room to see her and walk her out, and that’s all fine, so I let him in and show him what room she’s in. And then he gets all huffy, saying like “what kind of hospital is this? You don’t keep track of your patients?” I explained that we recently renamed a lot of the rooms due to construction, so I confirmed which room it was and said that the nurses told me which room she was assigned to. He’s still all upset, “well, she’s not in there. And she was discharged so she shouldn’t be anywhere else.” And then she walks out of the bathroom and comes over to him 🙄 but do I get an apology? Do I get an acknowledgement that we were doing everything right and she was simply using the restroom before leaving? No, of course not. He and his wife just leave, and he still seems to be in a pissy mood. Almost seemed like he was angry with his wife for being in the ER at all, but that’s not my business. I hate these kinds of assholes, so quick to blame us for nothing, but never admitting they’re wrong 😡

Bree came by to see me, but only very briefly cause she was tired. Apparently they were pretty busy in the lab today. So she just gave me a hug and said she was gonna dip out pretty quick. I was definitely a little 🥺 but I understand that she needs time to rest and everything, too. And she said she’ll bring tea over tomorrow to spend time with me at work, so that’s nice. We quickly discussed plans for date night Saturday, about like when we wanted to get dinner around the movies’ schedules, got that all settled. I’m so excited, I get tingly little butterflies just thinking about the upcoming date haha. But the only problem with Bree not staying to hang out with me is that now I have even more time to try to occupy on my own, but not much to do. I am trying to finish this book in the next two days, though, so maybe with this extra time I can get a bit farther in. We shall see

We’ve got a suicidal patient, so the social workers from 4 Corners have to be here, which would be fine if they didn’t have to use my office for things 😬 but since I have an extra computer and more space compared to the nurse’s station or anywhere else at least one of the social workers has to be here in my cubby. So I can’t close the door to eat or watch my shows privately. But at this point I don’t really care so much. I’m too hungry to wait until they’re gone, and I’ve got my show playing very quietly with subtitles on so I don’t bother anyone. Still kinda sucks though, cause I hate not having my own space. But at least that patient is getting help, which is much more important

The show I was watching had some sexual content in it, not like nudity or anything, but talking about getting fucked and such. And with everyone around I thought hmm maybe that’s a bit inappropriate for the work place. So I turned it off, then went through the channels on Hulu to see that Saw 2 was playing, and I put that on instead. Because somehow the gore and death seems more appropriate than talking about sex 😂 and I proceeded to eat my cup of noodle ramen while watching someone try to make a decision about whether or not to cut out their own eye to survive. I think maybe there is something wrong with me after all 🤷🏼‍♀️

~8/4 (12am-7am)

Been a rather boring night. Only had 2 patients all day, thankfully. We do like it quiet around here. I was on TikTok for a bit, but it got boring after a while. Still kind of neglecting my reading, but I did try to get through more of the book. I managed alright, decent enough progress, but my mind wandered away again, so I got stuck in a daydream for a good 15 minutes or so. But earlier I got to sit around talking with Brandi and Tim, which was actually pretty nice, and passed quite a bit of time. And I did get some cake earlier, which was pretty good. The chocolate cake was all gone, of course, so I had a small piece of the yellow cake with vanilla buttercream, and I liked it quite a bit. It was a nice treat. I guess Georgia won’t be here until next weekend, which is why they had all the cake and everything done the other day. I’m gonna see if I can get her a card to give her next week.

I’m pretty tired now, like my eyes just want to close on me. But I know the second I get home I’ll be wide awake, go figure. I’m gonna try to go to bed a bit earlier, but we’ll see how that goes

I know I’m getting repetitive by now, but I’m really missing you pretty badly at the moment. It’s like you’re haunting me, since I’m still thinking about you a lot. Who knew I’d get so used to the constant contact. I kinda feel like I’m withering away over here, just waiting for you to come back. Which sounds really dumb, I know 😅

I say I’m trying not to push it or be overly gushy or whatever and then here I am almost every other paragraph saying how much I miss you and can’t wait to talk to you again. At least you know I care about you, so that’s something right? 🤷🏼‍♀️ But I swear the days feel longer and the hours go slower when I don’t get to talk to you every day. It became such a habit that having it taken away is like having someone put me on a manual reset. Like I’ve just got this ache in my chest.

Alright, have I made enough of a fool of myself for one day? Man, I sound ridiculous, don’t I? I’m sorry. I’ll try to stop now. I just get so emotional all the time and have so much to say. Why’d I have to get stuck with this overly talkative gene? Why can’t I be mysterious and secretive? Nah, I gotta communicate too much, make everyone uncomfortable 😬

You’re just a wonderful person and I value your presence in my life. I think I took it for granted a little bit, always having you around, and I didn’t realize how much I rely on our connection to get me through the day until it was gone for this little while here.

You’re gonna come back to all this and wonder what the hell’s wrong with me, I just know it 😮‍💨

~8/4 (8am)

Extra little tidbit here. I was planning to go to bed early because I really was tired when I got home, but then of course mom and I started talking and hanging out like we always do. Somehow things took a serious turn, something got triggered in my mind, and we both end up crying and holding hands and all this shit, talking about our traumas and whatnot. Which neither of us expected this morning, but I know with her losing her job she’s probably got a lot of emotional issues pent up, and I’ve always got bullshit building up in my head, so I guess we just needed to cry together. We both feel fine now, for the most part

Before the crying, we did talk about relationships and things like that. We talked about Bree and how I’m feeling in the relationship so far, my thoughts about how it’s progressing, all that stuff. And my mom truly is fully supportive of this relationship, so it’s very easy to talk to her about everything in my head. But she then says to me “make sure you clean your car before you go out, that way if you two want to make out later it won’t be gross” so you know I just can’t escape these things 🤦🏼‍♀️

~8/4 (4pm-12am)

Woke up almost feeling like I didn’t sleep at all, even though I know I did because I still remember having some dreams (don’t remember what they were now, but still). I feel a bit better now cause I’ve been moving around and everything. But I’m planning to try and rest my eyes a bit at work tonight anyway, since I won’t be able to sleep much tomorrow before date night. We’ll see how it all works out

I got a hilarious video of my mom singing Slipknot. I don’t know if videos can send, but I definitely wanna try to find a way to show it to you because it’s hilarious 😂 so remind me about that later

Speaking of my mom, she already got another job. Not even a week later and she’s already moving on. She’s gonna be teaching first grade at the local elementary school, which is great because she loves teaching and didn’t want to try to go back into health care. It’s a bit of a pay cut, but they won’t have to leave Moab or commute or anything like that. I don’t envy her having to deal with all those kids, though 😅 and she’s still gonna find an attorney to deal with all the shit that happened at the hospital, which I keep prodding her about to make sure she actually does it.

I cleaned out my car, sort of. I wasn’t able to get like every single bit of trash in the backseat, cause I’d have to move my jumper cables and other things back there, and my back was already starting to hurt from bending and leaning in, so I had to stop after a while. But it looks better than before cause a lot of the big trash items are out now, and it’s a bit clearer overall. I should go try to get it vacuumed or something, since there’s crumbs and stuff everywhere in the front, but I know I won’t have time tomorrow, so it’ll have to just be ok. I don’t think Bree will care or say anything, but still, I feel kinda bad about it. At the very least it’ll smell nice, since I have my scent clip on, and I’ll spray some Febreeze on the seats before I leave tomorrow, so that’s one thing. And I’m still happy with the progress I made on it overall, since I am more limited in what I’m able to do anyway 😊 and Robert helped me put on my new steering wheel cover, which is covered in rhinestones and very pretty, so that’ll be distracting tomorrow, too haha

Last night some guy on here sent me a chat, and I responded, and then they blocked me. So like what was even the point of sending me a message in the first place? Coulda left me alone completely and saved us all a hassle 🙄

Don’t know yet what the day will hold, since at the moment I’m typing this up before work. But lately we’ve only had like 2-3 patients and then nothing all night, plenty of time to just hang out and relax and do nothing. I’m really hoping it stays that way again, since I am not in the mood to be doing shit today. I wanna enjoy my pizza and some shows and TikTok and read and close my eyes for like an hour. Just gotta get through this shift and then I can start my weekend. 4 days off, since this is my short week, and I don’t have much to do on Sunday or Monday aside from help dad with some social security/disability paperwork stuff, so I’ll actually get to just rest for a while. And of course I’ve been talking a lot about how excited I am for date night tomorrow, so that’ll be a great start to the weekend 🥰 and Tuesday I have that intense therapy session, which I’m actually pretty excited for because I just wanna get this shit out of me, you know? But I think now I’m just repeating myself again, since I have nothing else to really talk about yet. So sorry if this has been annoying 😅

Welp, I’m at work now, so far nothing going on. But it’s only like 6:45 so the night is young. Bree said she’s still coming by to hang with me for a while, so I’m getting pizza for both of us 😊 and I’m just listening to Dr Scherer and the nurses talk about bad doctors/nurses who used to work here. They’re all reminiscing and laughing, and while I’m not really part of it (and kinda don’t feel comfortable trying to jump in since I haven’t been here as long as them) it’s still fun to hear about all the old drama haha

We did have one patient come in just now from Urgent Care, but that’s not such a big deal. And since they already got his info in the system I have very little left to do for him, which is nice.

I’m definitely going to try to finish that book tonight. I want to be able to grab a new one this weekend when I’m at my house, and I don’t think I’ll have much time to read tomorrow since Bree and I will be out for a long time, so guess it’s gotta be today haha. I suppose I could try to finish it Sunday, if I have to, but still the goal will be to do it tonight. But let’s see if that actually happens 🤞🏻

Hope you’re having fun doing whatever you’re doing. I’ve been thinking about you (obviously), mostly just to hope you’re enjoying yourself and having a good time. I’m still wishing for a picture of you smiling and looking happy for once, so I hope you didn’t forget to take one 😂 and while I feel bad that your vacation time is almost up and you’ll have to come back to reality soon (cause that always sucks), I am also soooo excited to get to talk to you again soon. I’m damn near counting the minutes 😅

~8/5 (12am-7am)

I’m writing this up after midnight, so figured I’d just break it up a bit so it wouldn’t end up being such a long block of text.

Bree came over to hang with me at work around 8:30pm. I had the pizza and everything ready for us, so that we wouldn’t have to bother with ordering later on. Thankfully not much has been going on today aside from a few things here and there, so we had a long time to just keep the door closed and spend time together. It was really sweet, she brought over her whole traditional Chinese tea set so we could basically have a tea party together 🥹 I have some pics of the tea setup I can send later on. But she showed me how to properly steep the tea, and the traditional practices of brewing and “washing” the tea before drinking, and it was really cool. I also love tea and things like that, so it was awesome to be able to share it together. And those teas can get a lot of steeping out of them. We were using small porcelain cups that don’t hold much tea, since it was more of a tasting type thing than actually like sitting with a whole mug to drink, so we must have had like 20 little cups worth between the two teas we were trying. Both were very good, and very different in flavor, I really enjoyed both of them. Then after we had pizza and watched Bob’s Burgers for a while. She just left a little bit ago, we’re both gonna end up on TikTok for a while ha.

But just the fact that she wanted to have tea with me, so she packed up her whole set and brought everything over to the hospital to set it up and share it with me… I can’t describe at all how special that makes me feel. I can’t believe someone would go to that kind of trouble just for me. And it’s not even trouble to her, since she wants to do it, but still. I’m gonna be a little awestruck for a while 😅

We both have the same kind of like passion and intensity about things, too. In a sense it’s like we’re all in, you know? But it’s just sweet cause I’m the type that loves to take pics and share those memories, and she is too, so when I wanted to take a picture to commemorate our tea time she didn’t even hesitate to say yes. So I have some silly pics of her and I smiling and holding up our tea cups that I shared around. Just one more thing I appreciate, being able to enjoy taking pics and posting them and share my life and happiness, knowing she wants to do the same thing.

She also brought us some little fancy chocolates! She stopped off at a candy store before coming over just so we could have a sweet treat with tea time. So thoughtful I could cry 😭

I don’t think I’ve been this happy… maybe ever, to be honest. And as much as I truly love men (let’s be real, y’all are so damn hot), every day I start to feel more and more like “I’m so happy I’m not with a man.” And it’s nothing against men in general or anything like that. I’m not one of those people that hates men or thinks men are awful or whatever. Idk how to describe it. It’s just like… a guy would never think to bring me a tea party, you know? That kind of thing. Plus Bree is androgynous enough that if she wore a mask for me it would probably translate decently enough to work up my kink 🤔 not the point, just something I was thinking about before 😂

Anyway I’ll try to stop babbling now, sorry. Just been a really great night so far, couldn’t wait to share all the details with you 😅 and tomorrow we have the bigger date so you’ll be hearing all about that, too. I know I won’t be able to keep it on a minimum, so I’ll just apologize in advance.

I did manage to finish my book. Took me about 2 solid hours, I think? Or maybe an hour and a half. In any case, I had a nice block of time to just sit and read it all through, and it was pretty good. I really enjoyed the story and I felt it was decently unique. Which is really nice since I was looking forward to it for a long time, and I’d heard a bunch about it on TikTok and stuff, so I’m glad it was a good one in the end.

I don’t know why, but I’m all keyed up right now. Feel like my heart is really pumping and I kinda just want to move around for a minute. And that’s not great, since I really need to try to sleep right away when I get home (it’s like 5:50am right now, almost off shift), since I have to get up at 1pm to get ready for date night. But the good news is that Bree’s house is only about ten minutes from my mom’s, and it’s a straight shot down one road until I turn onto her street, so it’ll be quick and easy to find. I’m definitely gonna be wound up with nervous energy as soon as I wake up, though. Hopefully I can get my makeup on properly, since when I get these feelings I tend to get a little shaky too 😅

Oh but I dug around in some bags in the closet at my mom’s house and ended up finding my little bottle of my favorite perfume. It’s Romance by Ralph Lauren, I’ve loved this scent for so many years, but it’s super expensive and so I’ve not really gotten to wear it much at all. Dad had bought me a small bottle for Christmas in like 2020 (when I first started my lab job and was getting paid exorbitant amounts of money and the hotel we moved into on a more stable basis was dirt cheap to try to get business in because of covid), and even that was about $60, so I wear it very sparingly. I’ve still got roughly half the bottle left, and only need a tiny bit since it’s a strong scent and lasts for quite a while. Plus now that I’m not smoking anymore nothing will mask the scent of the perfume itself. So I’m definitely gonna wear it today for the date.

It’s absolutely killing me not to talk to you. Look at all this nonsense I’ve had pent up to tell you, and how much I’m still going on 😅 ugh I need feedback and encouragement and support and for you to remind me not to be so nervous with Bree since she already likes me and I have nothing to prove (and yeah clearly I can tell myself that, but it just doesn’t sink as well if it’s not you saying it). Guess I gotta wing it on my own for the date tonight huh? 😬 But I suppose I’ve been doing fine this whole time, so that’s something. Ah I just miss you, I can’t not say it. Hurry up and get back on here already 😮‍💨

Well, writing all my silly little thoughts like this is at least somewhat helpful. Sorry you gotta read it all, but I did warn you about that beforehand 🤷🏼‍♀️

Anywho, I remember some months back I’d told you a little story about how I tried to say goodnight to the nurses as I was leaving one morning and not a single one even looked at me, and it was upsetting. Well even progress has been made in those respects, because today before I left I said goodbye to the nurses at the station (who all happened to be crowded right near the doorway between our area anyway, I think there were like 4 of them there) and instantly Tim stopped talking to them to acknowledge me and say goodnight, which made some of the other nurses do the same thing. Good guy Timmy to the rescue. He’s such a wonderful person to work with and have around, and he treats everyone so kindly. I’m always happy when I get to work with him, and that’s partially for reasons like this. It made me flashback to that moment a couple months ago and kinda smile and feel better to see these small changes. And maybe it’s just because it was Tim, or because they were right next to me and couldn’t reasonably say they didn’t hear me, or whatever other reason. But it was nice all the same.

And I just realized I forgot to take the call sheets down to Med Surg. Even though I still don’t know what they need them for since they don’t use them to call anyone in an actual emergency anyway, that’s the ER clerk’s job. But whatever, I hope Dani doesn’t give me any fuss about it later 🤦🏼‍♀️ ah well can’t do anything about it now anyway. And Dani’s been a lot easier to deal with lately too, much more personable and friendly towards me, so she probably won’t say anything about it. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻

Have you ever known Vitamin D caps to like fuse together? I got a bottle of the gel cap type pills from Walmart, the nephrologist said I need to up my intake to keep my levels up since I have trouble with Vitamin D depletion and that’s not good for the kidneys. I opened them up today since I finished my old bottle yesterday, and I swear all the fucking pills are completely fused together. It’s like the gel is melted to each other or something. Maybe because of the heat? Or maybe that’s normal for these types of pills? It’s fucking weird though. I had to literally stab at the blob with the end of a makeup brush to try and carve one off the top to take with my morning meds. Don’t know what all to do about that.

~8/5 (1pm)

Just woke up to get ready for the date. Fuck man I’m so jittery right now, even though I’m also still a little bit tired. But the moving around and the nervous energy are definitely keeping me awake, so that’s something. Trying to just breathe and take things one step at a time, but I’m so like overly excited that it’s like my spine is tingling 😅 ah I wish you were here for all this in real time, I know you’d be able to calm me down ha. And it’s not even like a big thing, just a couple movies and dinner, normal stuff right? I see her all the time, and was even with her last night, so it’s not like we’ve had absence or distance in trying to build things up. So why am I so shaky?? Ugh this is so new to me. My ex and I would usually just go to bars. I think he had me over to his apartment like one time, and he was over at my mom’s old place one time. We’d either go to bars or hang out in his car, and at the time that was like the pinnacle of dating to me. I was so stupid back then (I’m still stupid now too, but differently). This whole thing with Bree feels so completely different from everything I’ve ever done, I don’t know how to deal with it I guess.

In any case, you’ll hear all the details here later on. But if I take too much time writing this I’ll be late, so toodles for now! 😊

~8/5 (10pm)

Ughhhhh I wish you were here right now my guy. I have so much shit I wanna tell you and it’s gonna take a minute to type everything out and I want you to get hyped up with me 🥺 but I’ll just have to write this up and wait for you to read it to get excited I suppose

Just got back a little bit ago from date night. I would have typed this up sooner, but I had to do my grocery pickup order, which took a minute. Anyway, we had a wonderful time. I met her grandma, and she was very sweet to me. She liked me right away and made jokes and such, so we had a pleasant first meeting. I wanted to see Bree’s cat, but he was hiding for a while cause he’d hurt his paw earlier and was a little wary since I was a new person. Only stayed there for about 15 minutes at first so Bree could finish getting ready before we left.

It was so cute, the first thing Bree said when she opened the door was that my makeup looked so pretty, and the first thing I said was that she looked adorable in the black dress she was wearing. I didn’t know how she might decide to dress for the day, with her being non-binary she has a wide range of styling. So today was a more femme day. She had a black dress and these big jewelry pieces (necklace, earrings, ring) that all matched cause they were like this vintage turquoise stuff. You’ll see when I send pics later. And she did some makeup too, but not nearly as much as me 😅

We went to see Barbie first. Got us some popcorn and sodas, but it was too much popcorn for either of us so she ended up saving the rest for her grandma, which was fine with me because then at least someone was eating it. And we both really liked the movie. It did go a little hard on the feminism angle, but it was enjoyable either way. I ended up crying by the end. Bree was surprised, quietly asking if I was ok, and I had to explain to her that I literally cry over everything, especially if it shows things about the beauty of the human condition and feelings and community, all that good stuff. She put her hand on my leg and I held her arm and we just kinda cuddled together while the movie wrapped up and I sobbed 😂 but it was a cute moment

Went to dinner at this restaurant called The Spoke. She said it would be best to park across the street and walk over, since there’s minimal parking nearby the actual restaurant and it’s easier that way. And she had me hold her arm the whole way there and back (which is perfect since she’s a bit taller than me) 🥰 food was good, I had a pasta dish I liked. It had sliced fresh cherry tomatoes, which I’ve never liked before but decided to try now since it’s been years, and they were actually really good! So maybe I kinda like fresh tomatoes now 🤷🏼‍♀️ but we also got some Oreo shakes for dessert, which was nice 😋

But right as we were finishing up, thankfully had already paid and everything, the power went out for the whole city. At first we thought maybe it was just the one block/street/whatever; but then some updates on Facebook were saying it was a downed power line and took out all of Moab, and it could be like 3 hours to fix it. So no way were we gonna be able to see Haunted Mansion like we’d planned, which kinda was a bummer cause I really want to see that movie. But with the power out she said she had to stop back home real quick to check on her grandma and make sure the portable oxygen tank was set up for her, so we did that. Oddly enough their house had power when we pulled up. Then we just hung around there for a bit to give her grandma some company and let us get to know each other more. Her grandma seemed very happy to have company over, and we got along well. We were sitting at their kitchen table and on the wall nearby her grandma has this big shelved collection of adorable salt and pepper shakers in all different shapes and such, like cows and pumpkins, so we talked about that a bit. And Bree’s cat finally came out to investigate, and then he absolutely adored me. Guess I must have pet him in all the right spots cause he kept coming up to rub against my legs and my hand, have me scratch his little chin and belly. He was so soft and fat and cute, I loved him instantly haha

We were trying to decide what else to do, since it was still pretty early. Settled on taking a little drive around, so we got back in my car and started driving straight down the one road nearby. She was telling me about how to get to some of the hiking trails and other places in the canyons by taking different little turn offs, then suggested driving down by the lake. I’ve never been to any lake before, so that sounded fun, and she told me how to get around to Ken’s Lake. It was pretty full up from some rainfall we’d had recently, and the water looked so beautiful. We got there a little before sunset. Both of us were in sandals and had some leg exposed, so we decided to go walk/stand in the water a little ways down the shoreline. The water was so nice, like a little cool but easy to get used to, felt amazing on the skin. I had the strongest urge to swim, but just wouldn’t have been able to with my outfit and no preparation or anything. So instead I suggested we do a lake date since we’re getting to the end of summer, and she was really excited for that. Figured we’ll try to do it in another two weeks when I have Saturday off again. Gonna do it as an all-afternoon/evening kind of thing, that way we can enjoy the cool water in the hot weather. And we decided to plan it as a picnic! That way we can just hang out all day and not have to worry about food or anything else. I’m really looking forward to it cause I love swimming, and getting to swim in the lake for the first time ever will be awesome. Plus I just get to spend the day with Bree ☺️

Anyway, moving on from my sidetracked babbling, we moved over to where there are this big, mostly flat rocks around the shoreline (they help mark out the parking area on one side) and sat on some of the rocks to watch the sunset over the water. I got some nice pics of that, too.

Earlier she had offered me some lip balm and I teasingly was like “you could kiss it onto me”, not necessarily trying to get her to do it in that moment but rather just saying that I’m open to kisses and things like that. But since we’re both such awkward dorks and there’s been the “are we gonna kiss yet?” tension for a while I decided to just ask about it outright. I didn’t know if maybe she’d be uncomfortable with it since she is Ace, and I wasn’t sure how kissing fell on that spectrum for her. But we talked it out and she said she likes kissing and has just been nervous about it this whole time, wanting it to happen organically but also needing consent and wanting to make sure I’m ok with it too. Amazing how we were both so anxious about something so simple haha

But it was getting dark and I was kinda tired so I was like uhhhh I should go home soon 😅 I felt bad cause it’s not like I didn’t want to spend more time with her, but I really was getting worn out, especially with not having must rest beforehand. So I drove her home, we parked in her driveway to chat for a minute before she went in.

And finally, finally she kissed me! Right before she got out of the car, we were saying goodnight, and she leaned over and we had a nice kiss 😚🥰 it was quick, which is fine. I was joking around, “see now that the first one’s out of the way it’ll be less awkward! Wasn’t that easy?” And we both laughed.

Funny enough the song on my Spotify that was playing in the car when we kissed was Die For You by Starset, which is kind of a romantic song but more intense? I sent it to her to joke about it and she thought it was funny.

So yeah it was a very good night. The whole lake thing was unexpected, but ended up being a lot of fun, and gave way to another good date idea for us, so I’m glad it went that way instead. And we’re thinking of just going to see Haunted Mansion on Tuesday, and I’ll just come down a day earlier, since her work schedule matches mine this week (Wednesday-Saturday, she’s helping cover some people or whatever so we on a similar wavelength). So I’ll probably get to see her the whole workweek too.

Ahh I’m so happy man, like I feel giddy 😍

Well, that’s about enough babbling for now, since it’s the end of the night anyway. I better fuckin hear from you asap tomorrow so we can share in all this joy together 😂

I hope you enjoyed your vacation and had a great time. I hope you got to relax and you feel rested, since you’ve been run down for too damn long. I can’t wait to talk to you and hear all about everything and see all the pictures. I know you’ll read through this soon enough, and then we can talk about all my nonsense too 😋

Hurry up and get on here, please