#if you squint lmfao

[godasfarasyoureconcerned]

GOD i love him so fucking much. i absolutely need him to be okay

[sonohban]

i like to ask my mom silly questions and she gives me very nice answers to them :)

[melon-official]

after the verdict

[suitehearttts]

more MCU!Parksborn bc they consume my every waking thought

[bicholsdrarrysideblog]

look at this EXTREMELY self indulgent thing i made

(loosely based on Away Childish Things by Lettered in which Draco briefly works in a potions shop and Is Sad ): )

[syllogical]

Tumblr isn't ready for Kamaria yaoi so have this

[dayurno]

need a kevin day seven evil exes fic asap

keremy scott pilgrim au where jeremy (normal average man with no problems) wants to date the new cutie on his team but keeps getting sidetracked by his seven evil exes trying to have exy matches against him one on one. one of them is his own best friend and that’s a little weird but he did swear to never judge jean for his past so he guesses he’s just going to take the L and fight this one out

[neccara-1]

Hi im back ajdbkslajalkhggh

Bonus pain part only:

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Comte’s Drama CD: Track Three, A Date at the Mercy of an Extraordinarily Bad(?) Adult

And we are back with our third installment of this unhinged recounting translation series, to perhaps the funniest and lowkey horniest track on the whole CD. In this one, Comte takes MC to a boutique to try on dresses and select something for a party/ball later that night. Without further ado, the contents are as follows:

Comte: Come on in. This boutique is my favorite.


There is a large variety of designs, so if you see a dress you like, don’t hesitate to give it a try.

Of course, I’m going to have you wear a lot of the dresses I select, so be prepared for that.

Let’s pick a dress for the ball tonight.

From now on, it’s my pleasure to show off the most beautiful person I know.

The way he makes me so giddy, “to show off the most beautiful person I know” no you!!!!! But also like. Lmfao the way he’s so ready for this, you can just tell this is what he lives for and it’s hilarious.

What’s that? Have you found a design that you like?

I…yes, I’ve decided. I carefully selected about ten gowns because I was worried about it.

Huh? ….I didn’t think it was that many….

Well, let’s leave that discussion aside for now and examine each dress in order.

I love how he’s like “okay what did you pick, let’s compare.” MC presumably has like two and he’s like “oh yeah, here’s ten.” And not only that, the second she’s like “uhhhhh don’t you think that’s too many??” he’s like “ANYWAY--” The way he will deadass evade any questions about excess I’m. Iconic. King Shit. Nobody Doing It Like Him. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I love how the energy of their married life is like: MC: I did not grow up rich Comte: YOU GON LEARN T O D A Y--

I think one of my favorite bits about Comte is how he’s like “I’m so normal” while everyone stares at him in sheer disbelief or incredulity 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

First off, this is an evening dress.

The beaded embroidery that spreads down to the hem is intended to reflect the light that spills from the chandelier overhead when dancing.

It must be breathtakingly beautiful

It’s a sight I’d love to see….Though…there is the trouble that this dress is dazzlingly attractive. (MONSIEUR IS CONFLICTED)

I feel I have made it clear (but I must reiterate) how much I love him being the living embodiment of that meme like:

Comte: Look at MC!!!! Isn’t she the prettiest!!!!! I love my wife so much!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Anyone: Wow I like her too Comte: kill bill sirens no.

I can assure you that this exotic dress would suit you without even needing to see you try it on.

A sash belt with wide cuffs and a high waist…

It’s similar to a traditional Japanese kimono from your homeland, isn’t it?

And then…a pretty floral dress with a soft/fluffy drape.

Ah...I should probably put this dangerous looking black lace dress away. (HE SOUNDS SO TURNED ON AND LOWKEY HOARSE IM)

Ah…the more I look at it, the weaker I get…I can’t choose because I think any of them would look good on you.

I find it absolutely hysterical that he tries to hide his real taste behind all these very subtle and feminine dresses and then he’s like. LOOK AT THIS. COINCIDENTALLY BLACK AND RISQUÉ DRESS. NOW YOU SEE IT NOW YOU DON’T--

Comte just give me the dress I’m yelling 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh that’s right…if I get all of them, I won’t have to choose…! (EXCITE)

Oh, no…haha, I know (IMMEDIATE GIVE UP)

I’m only kidding. (ARE YOU?? I DON’T BELIEVE U SIR)

But since we’re here anyway, do you mind if we look around for a while together?

I don’t know what’s cuter, the fact that he gets so hyped and then sulks immediately, or the fact that he tries to compromise and be there together for a bit longer. I love him!!!!! Mans is trying so hard to dote on her I’m dying

Yes, leave it to me. I’ll make you the best princess in the world.

Well then, let’s go to the fitting room with the dresses we have chosen…Don’t worry if you don’t know how to wear it.

I’ll help you, okay? (DON’T WHISPER I’M FRAGILE)

---

Come now, don’t run away,

At home, you let me tie the ribbons at the back and help you with your necklaces all the time.

Well the setting is a little different, so I suppose it would make sense that you might be a bit more self-conscious.

You’re blushing all the way up to the tips of your ears…you’re so cute.

I’m telling you right now, don’t even think about asking the shop clerk to help you. (EEEEEEYYYYYY YOOOOOOO)

I don’t care who it is, I’m the only one allowed to touch you like this. (SEXY SEXY O//O)

Aight so there are so many things going on here, and the asides barely even cover it all. Fuwa fuwa about the best princess in the world, no u!!!!!!!! My face was in my hands when he said she was cute, he’s so earnestly affectionate!!!!

This. mf. going into the changing room with her. Without hesitation. Sir that is not how any reputable place of business operates!!!!! I laugh even more because he sincerely sounds a bit put out trying to chase her around to let him help her 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Okay but that last bit when he’s telling her only he gets to do that stuff. Bruh. He goes lowkey savage and it’s HOT AF. Sultry and possessive inject that straight into my veins h e l l o--

…Don’t worry. No one knows what’s going on behind the curtain unless you make noise. (THAT’S NOT ALL I’M CONCERNED ABOUT SIR)

Now then…turn around and I’ll help you take off the dress you’re wearing right now. (SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP)

…You are beautiful no matter what you wear, but there’s no match for the breathtaking sight of you with nothing at all on… (STOP BEING HORNY IN PUBLIC)

I won’t do anything...If only you were quiet?

Hm? The sound of footsteps approaching…is that a clerk I hear? [audible footsteps in the background]

I’m so torn because like. There’s the half of me that’s like “go on” and the other half of me that’s like slaps his little pizza hands. Being a Comte stan is just being torn between scolding him and/or enabling him constantly LMFAO

Shh…forget other people noticing me, are you all right?

(STOP LAUGHING WHY IS IT ADORABLE) It can’t be helped. If you’re so worried, I’ll cover your lips for you. Mn…

Well…I think he’s gone…[chuckle] I didn’t mean to kiss you in a place like this.

Hm? You’re such a naughty woman…to look so love drunk with a single kiss.

We can continue this tonight…tonight we’ll have our fill. Do you like the sound of that?

I gotta wonder what MC looked like to make him be like “bro, you good?” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Behold the consequences of your actions, Comte, you keep wooing and charming her and she’s going to be incoherent by the end omllll. But also him finding any excuse to kiss her eyyyyyyyyyyyy (I will forgive his relentless desire for her because it’s sweet and v sexy, gold star ⭐️)

Also why does that last bit lowkey sound more like he’s trying to bargain with himself than her 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 “just be patient Abel. Bide ya time”

----

…Yes, I think this dress looks the best/most attractive on you.

(HIS LAUGHTER SEND HELP THE DELIGHT) I just knew it would look stunning on you.

Ah but I can’t help but pester you a little. Every dress looks so lovely on you.

No, it’s not just flattery…do you mind if I see you in just one more?

I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard a man who loves to play dress up as much as he does, should I be concerned??

Sir you are under arrest for being beyond silly goofy cute LOCK THE DOORS FETCH THE CONSTABLE--

Everyone at home says it's just a deranged aristocratic hobby or that I’m turning you into a dress up doll…

The loveliness and beauty of my lover, I can’t help that there’s no end to my desire to see you shine even more.

Thank you…I’m glad you at least understand/don’t feel put upon.

Oh dear, it’s about time for the carriage to pick us up. Since we’ve tried a few things on, I think we should start heading over to the ball.

…But before that, I must offer you one piece of advice.

…Don’t show the defenseless face that I see now in front of any other man. (SO SERIOUS HEART FLUTTERY VISION GROWING DIM)

Understand? …Yes, that’s a very good answer.

Well then, let’s go, my princess.

Honestly I do feel that--while it’s hilarious and somewhat fair the mansion men rib him about dressing her up--Comte does have positive intentions regarding the whole endeavor. It was recently brought to my attention by a friend (I can take little to no credit for this idea) that part of being lovers with someone is sharing what you have. Now this obviously doesn’t mean an exacting 50/50 type of thing, rather that part of showing proper care and affiliation can involve gifts/money depending on the situation.

In the case of Comte who is a man of considerable wealth and social standing, it would potentially appear negligent if MC were to appear at a ball with a dress she’s worn before. Part of being a responsible spouse in his context, then, would be to provide her with nothing less than the most stunning jewelry and top class new dresses. While I don’t necessarily think he’s interested in his/their image in a vain way or even all that obsessed with what others think, I do think he’s concerned about being a good husband and lover. And by extension, he wants MC to enjoy nice clothing and accessories and be able to present herself at his side with confident pride.

Another dimension that’s important to consider, I think, is the fact of his upbringing. It is very likely that in his household growing up, that might have been what he was taught. I won’t spoil the next Drama CD track, but there is evidence to believe he has a number of preconceived notions about what it means to be an adequate partner to someone. Granted I don’t think he’s incapable of seeing things any other way, but I think those lessons from when he was a kid do color his perception. He was likely taught that, as a person of status, he had to be exquisitely mannered, exceptionally talented in some form of the arts, a captivating dancer, a sharp and witty conversationalist, and many more expectations that he had no choice but to meet. And most importantly, he had to be able to convey that to and lead the woman he chose for himself. We have already explored the fact that pureblood vampires are a bit extreme and inhumane in their beliefs about many things. Given how weirdly obsessed they are with breeding more of them, it really wouldn’t surprise me if they have absolute ideas about gender roles.

It almost seems like for him to feel worthy of a relationship, he feels the need to meet those expectations. On some level, it’s like he forgets MC is just happy to be beside him; she’s not necessarily all that interested in him fitting the cookie cutter perfect aristocrat spouse. And in truth, I find that whenever she reminds him of what truly matters at the core, it always seems to give him a jolt. Not that he had considered it irrelevant, but that he gets so caught up in his instinctive/learned behavior that it’s a soothing reminder that he’s more than enough to be loved as he is. I think its particularly fascinating because it really doesn’t feel superficial or naive as much as it does a product of his habits/lifestyle. Yes it allows him to stay informed and busy (beating the bad thoughts away with a broom, mood) but he also loses that depth of connection that he yearns for. (Which he also fears, of course, because of everyone he’s lost. Man Comte tough break being allergic to your own feelings fr, spamming F in the chat--)

And God like. I know I’ve said it before but. The way this man does possessiveness/jealousy????? Unmatched. Enormously attractive. Yessir I wasn’t particularly interested in looking at anyone else, but wow does it set me on fire to be reminded sternly 👀

All right well that’s it for track three, on to the next!

[oha-yuu]

Imagine Rollo ascending the Bell Tower like any usual school day, to carry out his regular tasks, and on one of those days it's like he encounters a rare spawn event and Malleus is there, talking to the gargoyles.

Giving 0 heed to self-preservation, Rollo shooes Malleus away like he does the bell tower birds the first couple of times he visits, but then eventually he gets used to him being there and ignores his presence.

Sometimes Malleus brings Yuu or one of his guards with him. Yuu he doesn't mind, but Sebek Zigvolt is loud, and Silver keeps falling asleep in inconvenient places while Rollo is trying to clean.

Sometimes Malleus sees that Rollo has had a rough day. If Malleus is being petty, he casually slips the words "Bell of Salvation" and "sins" into a conversation with Rollo, as a small jab to his ego. But when the future heir of Briar Valley is feeling particularly merciful, he reminds Rollo that they, his companions, are here to listen.

Rollo isn't sure if Malleus is including himself in that, and he doesn't want to know. To him, when Malleus is in the Bell Tower, he's just another thing made of stone, for all he cares. At least, that's what he tells himself.

[essektheylyss]

New fun language learning activities: read Wikipedia pages for philosophical and political theories in your target language, just for kicks.

[suchaspookyginger]

i may have a New Favorite

[dreamofbecoming]

wait but the more i think about it the more buffy and steve are the same person??

-thrust into monster hunting at 16 and subsequently loses popular status ✅

-nerdy lesbian platonic soulmate ✅

-fashion icon with incredible hair and flawless lipgloss (you can’t kill demons if you ain’t cute) ✅

-jock whose only friends are nerds and pretends to be annoyed about it ✅

-forced to step in as the leader/responsible adult of the monster hunting squad before they were ready following the death of one parental figure and another moving away ✅

-in love with a vampire ✅

i’ve connected the two dots y’all

[lesbiansanemi]

Finally finished revolutionary girl utena. Very underwhelming I must say

[general-kalani]

A drabbled fic for @withthedoubleg because I can't get this scene out of my HEAD- (they didn't ask for it but I'm giving it to them shhh)

Warnings: Fire, arson (in a sense), death, emotionally scarring Joseph, blood, manipulation, swearing, depression, other stuff I probably missed (lmk so I can put it here!)

Ship: None

Prompt: None

"Is this your triumph?"

Long ago, he wouldn't have hesitated. He would've exclaimed from the mountainside "yes! This is my greatest triumph, look at this Eden God has provided for my people!"

But now, on his knees with palms raised to the sky as his hands had fallen on top of his legs, stared from the cliff down to the fires of New Eden. He couldn't say it now. Homes destroyed and burned, he had no idea where his Judge has gone or whether they were dead too.

His flock was surely all gone now too. Dead. All because his son was jealous.

Envious that he had allowed an outsider to taste the fruit of Eden.

His son wasn't saved either. None of the Seed family was and now he was the last...

Their only fault was that they were related to him one way or another and now he had to carry the burden of their deaths upon his shoulders. He was responsible, he led them to their demise.

But it certainly didn't help that the Voice was finally silent. God had abandoned him long ago he finally saw it. The Voice was nothing more than a fabrication of his own mind made so long ago when he was weak and vulnerable to be able to deal with trauma from when he was a child.

But it also didn't help that Randall, that sick demon bastard, had brought them to their demise. John was the first to be influenced by that twisted fuck before he'd taken Randall back. Fearful for Jacob and Faith...

And they were gone too, despite his attempts to protect them. Despite everything he'd done to take care of them.

And now Ethan, his poor son. It had been years since he'd seen Randall yet he looked no different, especially when he'd caught the man speaking to his son when he was just a boy.

Despite everything he tried, despite all he attempted to keep his son safe and away from Randall...

He gaze moved to the tree of Eden. Once something that saved his flock, now a mockery as he had put a flame to it with Ethan's body beside it.

Maybe he too will be consumed by the flames. A reprieve that God wouldn't give to him.

The man who caused so much trouble for him, for his family, moved to stand in front of him. A smile on his face.

And all Joseph could do was stare. The face of a devil that he now only saw solace in. God had abandoned him, but there was one constant in his life and even now, even when he had won wouldn't leave.

"... Save me from this nightmare. Please."

And those hands of Randall's moved to his cheeks. A mockery of their first meeting. He knew there was no warmth within this man or his actions.

And yet he felt comforted in the hold all the same.

[kuroosdarling]

It's occurred to me that I haven't showered you with affection in like a day so lets change that shall we <3333

i love u .. SO MUCH !!! taking ur hand and twirling around with u rn <3 then imma put a flower in your hair bc a pretty lady needs a pretty flower in her hair ^_^ WAAAHHH SMOOCHING U !!!