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#if you’re going to purposefully misinterpret things I post fuck off
gentlemanbutch · 6 months
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bitch I knooooow you are not comparing covid to fucking AIDS! Like there's gotta be some confusion cause ain't no way.
Congratulations for having terrible reading comprehension!
I said both AIDS and COVID fuck up your immune system and that it’s sad to see queer people ignoring it, when my generation constantly talk about how sad it is to not have elderly queer people in our lives because of AIDS.
Wow! What a wild comparison! What a wild thing of me to say. What a wild thing to feel disappointed by the ableism within my own community. Wild. Absolutely wild. 🙄
And there actually ARE a lot of parallels between COVID and AIDS (“parallels” doesn’t mean “it’s the exact same thing,” just to make sure you’re following), from how queer, BIPOC, and low income folks are more impacted, to some of the specific ways it harms your immune system, to how the media is underreporting/downplaying it, but I’m not going to waste my time spelling it out for someone who isn’t engaging in good faith.
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apoapsis · 1 year
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knowing your partner well can potentially make writing together a lot easier. ( repost do not reblog ! )
- Name: pip
- Pronouns:  he / him
- Preference of communication: discord! ask for it anytime! i tend to appear on invis, but that’s just because i am extremely fucking shy, so long as you’re fine with me getting back to your messages at my leisure (usually 8-24 hours, on average), then by all means feel free to ask for it!
- Name of muse(s): Sigma / Siebren, and on rare occasion I will sometimes ghostwrite Moira for specific threads, but I also now have a blog for Symmetra! [laserpimp]
- Experience / How long (MONTHS / YEARS?): 13-14 years, nearly 7 spent in the ow rpc.
- Platforms you’ve used: dA chatrooms (that’s where I learned to Type Fast), facebook, discord, tumblr, and google docs. The latter three are my most-used platforms.
- Best experience: meeting @flashofyellowlights​ 🥺🥺🥺 i was in a super dark place emotionally between 2019-2021 after a death in my immediate family and Buncy was probably my biggest advocate to keep going. me n this blog just simply wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. quite easily my best friend in this entire rpc, no cap.
- RP pet peeves / dealbreakers: 1) because i write a lot of introspective thoughts out for my characters to give my replies more depth, i notice that people often read that and use it to determine my characters’ mood (rather than the actual actions i purposefully insert for their character to react to). 2) a SUPER annoying thing i’ve had people do is, after explaining sieb/sig’s dichotomy to them, they often automatically assume sig is the “evil” one between the two of them..... despite me explaining that BOTH sig and sieb are morally grey, not evil. 3) my only real “dealbreaker” is when people openly demonstrate poor reading comprehension. this isn’t to say you can’t ask for clarification abt my replies, and this most certainly isn’t a knock at people who legitimately need extra help digesting my long ass replies, but considering this is a hobby exclusively based around reading and writing, I just don’t really feel the motivation to write with people who repeatedly misconstrue / misinterpret my replies simply because they just won’t read the entirety and take “creative liberties” with how they interpret my replies.
- Fluff, angst or smut: predominately angst with occasional smut 😂😂 personally i’m not a very big fan of “fluff” just because out of the three, it’s the one that gets the absolute blandest when it’s all someone wants to write with me. if you came here looking for fluff, i’m.... sorry bro 😳
- Plots or memes: primarily, plotting is generally my go-to for first interactions just to really set a scene, but once a “canon” is established between our characters, i’m open for everything. however, you are also free to use memes to break the ice! the only reason i default towards plotting is because i get anxious if i can’t immediately visualize / explain the setting when writing something up. that’s also why i tend to offer to write the starter, so that people don’t feel pressured to plot AND start.
- Long or short replies: the longer, the better!!! despite the fact that i can burn myself out kind of quickly, i will always prefer multipara to ANYTHING else. i didn’t choose the multipara life, the multipara life chose ME.
- Best time to write: i don’t really do anything on a day-to-day basis so i often operate on what i consider “dash hours”, meaning people are usually off work / done with their day at around 4-6pm (PST, my time), and usually post replies / ic posts / hc’s / etc. until about 8-10pm, which is when ppl disappear for the night. if i’m looking for small / quick interactions, that is usually the window i operate in. otherwise? anytime, although i get the most writing done around 1-5am when i don’t have people actively trying to msg me (adhd vibes)
- Are you like your muse(s): as far as the space aesthetic goes, absolutely, although in other regards, not so much! one of my reasons for picking up sigma was exclusively for the fact that he was space-themed, since anything space-related  is my #1 autistic special interest. i’m certainly nothing of an astrophysicist myself but i do apply a lot of the nuanced information i’ve soaked up to sigma and how his abilities work.
TAGGED BY: literally everyone in the rpc by now, i’m always late w/ these LOL
TAGGING: idk who hasn’t done this so just say i @’d you n do it 😠
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carbonated-fenwater · 3 years
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We're officially into week two of hiatus so here's all my Shitty RWBY character headcannons:
Ruby Rose
- before Atlas, she had stupid contact names for everyone in her scroll
- really good at makeup but doesn’t have the patience for it
- “I’ve graduated from Combat Skirts. I wear a Combat Kilt now”
- has in fact practiced her “leader face” in the mirror before
- does morning affirmations that go along the line of “You are The Huntress. You are the baddest, silver eyed bitch in Remnant. Zwei is proud of you. The moon does not care if you cry during your lunch break today so you shouldn’t either.”
Weiss Schnee
- actually hates sweet stuff. Like she had access to all really high quality stuff when she was a kid and as she grew up she kind of grew out of it
- only one on the whole team who takes her coffee black and makes fun of the others for it
- purposefully smacks people in the face with her braid but always plays it off as an accident
- Brokest Rich Bitch in Atlas
- "Hey Weiss, can you spot me?" *riffling through her FAT wallet, "Sorry can't, I'm Atlas broke."
- Is actually blind in her left eye and whenever someone sneaks up on her on that side she will reactively glyph them into the ceiling
Blake Belladonna
- nyan-binary
- playing a game of what weird stuff she can do and convince her friends that "it's a Menagerie thing."
- *wearing her boots in bed* it’s fine we do this all the time at home
- “Hey guys watch how far I can jump and still land on my feet!”
- *stubs her toe on a table* “This is a hate crime”
- she picked that up from Sun btw
- absentmindedly fluffs up her hair when she’s nervous or thinking
- no one has EVER seen her go to the bathroom in her Atlas outfit. They don’t know how she survives
Yang Xiao Long
- desperately needs a haircut and she Knows it but she'd too stubborn to give up the "don't touch my hair" schtick
- uses her semblance to dry her hair because it takes 6 hours otherwise
- her and Jaune hanging out together = “We’re just Blonde Bois doing what blonde bois do”
- everyone learned very fast after reuniting not to ask Yang for a hand
- drinks Kool-aid like a monster
Jaune Arc
- terrified of needles
- when practicing with his semblance in training he would rub his hands together and yell, "CLEAR!"
- hates coffee but started drinking it in Atlas in an attempt to seem more professional and grown up
- plays guitar but plays banjo better
- can also play spoons
- hates shoelaces with a Passion which is why his boots use snap ons
- has had Nora and Yang spin him really fast on office spinny chairs to help him get over his motion sickness
- one of those people who shushes inanimate objects when they make noise. The rest of JNOR has also picked up this habit
Nora Valkyrie
- uses her semblance to shock people
- "If I run and leap at Jaune, he will almost certainly catch me in his arms"
- the friend that you love to hate for being a morning person
- sometimes will just,,,, pick up her teammates and be like “that’s enough for today we’re going back to the room and you’re lying down and drinking some water”
- napping queen. Seriously No One can just clock out and catch a fresh 30 zs just anywhere like she can
- one of those people who doesn’t like coffee, hot chocolate, or tea and Only drinks whole milk
Oscar Pine
- notorious impulse buyer
- Hates soda. He drank it once and thought he was dying
- unironically says shit like "farm fresh baby" and "This would’ve never happened back on the farm" in response to things
- John Mulaney's entire "Zoning Out" bit
- “I was in Ironwood's office, he was reading me the results of the mission. It was important, I listened. And then I zoned out!”
- “Sometimes my wizard- I have this wizard- he'll be like, 'Are you watching the Grimm?' And I'm always like, 'I'm holding onto Yang, and I'm not gonna fall off. But no, I'm thinking about chickens."
- Chicken Fried by Zach Brown Band
- the inside of Oscar’s head constantly sounds like a Letterkenny Cold Open
Lie Ren
-is an excellent cook but bakes like Eugene Lee Yang on Without a Recipe
- has an entire vocabulary of just sounds that only Jaune and Nora fully comprehend
- “Hey Ren, you want some tea?” “Hzzm” “Two sugars or one?” “Hrrm” “You got it buddy.”
- L’oreal, because he’s worth it
- tongue piercing I will not elaborate on why
- instituted a “Team ALPN/JNOR Swear Jar” after he heard Oscar say “fuck” once under Jaune’s supervision
Qrow Branwen
- smells like campfire smoke. Everyone thinks it's a really good cologne but he just smells like that
- gonna do the obvious one: distracted by shiny things
- one of his rings is a fidget ring
- Went through a karaoke phase
- listens to Post Malone and cries sometimes
- has done the gallon challenge
Penny Polendina
- likes to mess with people by carrying around nuts, bolts, and screws and just dropping them behind her
- intentionally misinterprets very basic forms of greeting
- remember that one scene from Lilo and Stich with the record player?
- feeds the stray cats and dogs in Mantle
- she and her dad will make fun little toys in their free time and give them out to kids. She almost always has a spare teddybear or something for when she’s down in Mantle in case she needs to comfort a kid
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wherevermyway · 4 years
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step out! do what you want (chapter ten)
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pairings: reader/bang chan/han jisung, bang chan/han jisung side pairing: seo changbin/lee minho (referenced) rating: explicit | 18+ warnings (read please!): big fat warning for ambiguous HINTS of suicidal ideation, character deaths, mental instability, post-traumatic stress, profanity, use of firearms, graphic depictions of violence (fist fight, gunfight), blood, lots of smoking this chapter, mentions of sex, mentions of drug use, angst, drug dealer!au/organized crime!au. also, don’t drive this fast on the highway. word count: about 9,300 also on my ao3 here chapter/series navigation
chapter ten: je vois la fin avant le début | i see the end before it starts
recommended tracks: black swan by bts, can’t you see me? by tomorrow x together we go by stray kids, 777 by joji, the end/undead by hollywood undead and zero 9:36, simon says by nct 127, turn back time by wayv, begin by bts, tôt ou tard by eli rose, ew by joji, another day by stray kids. playlist can be found here.
note: I can’t believe this is almost done (thank god). I’m gonna warn you one more time: this story is dark as fuck and, if you thought chapter nine was bad, ten is also bad, and eleven is worse. eleven is going to have really triggering content (very explicitly labelled in several places) in it so please don’t hate me. I’m also turning off taglists for these last two chapters because I’m not comfortable tagging people due to the content.
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disclaimer: any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable, please stop reading now.
side note: for the love of minho’s cats, don’t mix party drugs or drugs with alcohol.
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It would seem that, even though you’re back in the real world, returning to reality is proving to be difficult. Since returning to Christopher’s apartment, you’ve had a couple of panic attacks that you felt made both Christopher and Jisung questioned their relationship with you. Most of the time, things were fine, but there were moments and entire days where they treated you like you were a fragile piece of pottery with a big, neon warning label slapped on it that said “Danger! Will shatter if mishandled!” in fat, ugly, blocky, black characters.
After screaming and crying at your therapist for an hour and a half, you decided that you wanted to be alone and would take an alternative route home, sneaking out the back door so that Christopher didn’t see you as he waited out front in his car. You peeked through the glass front doors, seeing his car parked there, right on time. It was hard to make out details from so far away, but it looked like he was staring at his phone, mindlessly scrolling along.
Perfect.
You smiled to yourself as you turned away from the front door. The last time you were here, you recognized a service entrance towards the back of the building that appeared to be unlocked. Timidly, you make your way towards it and jiggle the handle. The door popped open with ease, and you walked through, quickly bolting through the alleyway and make your way towards the Mojeon bridge in Cheonggyecheon.
The walk to the bridge wasn’t very long, so you took the long way, weaving in and out of various backroads and alleyways. You loved taking in the environment of small shopping stalls and the scurrying of busy folk. What you had enjoyed the most was the ambient noises of the city life around you. It was night and day in comparison to the past five or so months had been like, trapped in the hospital, then trapped in Christopher’s apartment, leaving only to go to your thrice-weekly therapy appointments.
It made sense why you felt so lonely. Christopher had been keeping himself busy, constantly coming to bed not long before the sun came up. You knew he wasn’t purposefully avoiding you or Jisung, but something about it didn’t sit well with you, likely because it felt like he was just avoiding handling the loss of Changbin, now stuck with all of the stress of dealing with the family.
Jisung had to have been feeling it, too. Neither of them were going out on collection runs or handling deals; they had left it to Seungmin and Jeongin, as well as just sending jobs back to the hyung-nim. Jisung would occasionally spend a few late nights in the studio with Christopher, and he would always come back to bed more frustrated than he was before he went to go assist his superior.
There was one night a few weeks ago where you went to lay down early, settling into a book that you weren’t really committed to reading, but what the fuck else did you have to do, cramped up in this apartment? All three of you were tense from being cooped up inside, save for your therapy appointments. Jisung and Christopher were arguing about something, their voices travelling through the open studio door, bouncing around the open living room and kitchen, finally making its way in through the bedroom door.
It was impossible to completely make out what they were arguing about, but you really didn’t care at this point. Everything was all about hierarchy and other bureaucratic nonsense that had been completely upended with Changbin’s death. Jisung came angrily padding into the bedroom, a scowl on his face as he grumbled and flopped down on to the bed face-first. He let out a long, drawn out, frustrated groan into the blanket.
“You gonna be okay, Sungie?” You put your book on the nightstand, adjusting your position so that you’re able to run a calming hand through the younger man’s hair. “Sounded like you two were disagreeing about something again.”
Jisung huffs, then rolls over onto his back. “I'm never gonna be cut out to be a leader, am I?” He turns his head slightly to look up at you. “Chan-hyung has a hard enough time, and I never wanted to do this, but now I don’t have a choice.”
You roll your fingers through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp, and smile at him. “You would be a good leader if you wanted be, but I think this entire situation has been stressful on everyone.”
A scoff leaves Jisung’s lips as he turns to face you full-on. “You’re starting to sound like a therapist.”
“Go figure,” you sarcastically grumble as you roll your eyes.
“You’d be good at it,” Christopher’s voice travels through the doorway, startling both you and Jisung. He walks into the room and worms his way around both of you on the bed. “I’m sorry,” he sighs out, “I’ve been so stressed this week with all of the exchanges of power and sheer amount of work that needs to be done. Jisung,” he sits up on his heels, draping his face over his junior. “I’m sorry if I made it seem like I was mad at you. There’s no excuse for that kind of behaviour and I’m sorry.”
Jisung softly smiles, grabbing Christopher’s face with both of his hands. “You can be a real jerk sometimes,” he croons softly, “but I know you don’t mean it, that you’re not taking it out on me, y’know? It’s been a long, chaotic few months. We’ve all had our moments of panic, and you’re unfairly shouldered with handling the family almost completely by yourself. “
Christopher sighs, turning his head to look at you before he grabs you by the waist and pulls you into an embrace, both of you unceremoniously flopping onto your sides. “How about I ignore all of the stuff with the family tomorrow,” he says, pulling you up against him tightly with one arm, reaching out to Jisung with the other. “We can have a day with just the three of us. Get some bad takeout, watch horrible movies, just kind of have a lazy day around the house?”
“I like that idea,” Jisung excitedly nods, then turns to look at you. “What do you think, bunny?”
You were happy with the idea, but you couldn’t find yourself to share the same level of enthusiasm that Jisung did, like you would in the Before Time, as your therapist coined it. Before, you would have jumped at the thought, with both you and Jisung likely driving Christopher somewhat mad. But now, things were just muted and toned down. Mellowed down, like food you would eat when you had the stomach flu. Everything now just emotionally felt like lukewarm, runny juk, when you were used to explosions of flavour and texture on your emotional palette.
“You okay, baby?” Christopher sits up, turning to look down at you. The expressions on his face and Jisung’s face fall flat with concern and nervousness. “Are you going to that headspace again?”
Suddenly, you come back to your senses. You couldn’t have them worry about you, after all. There was already enough, much more important stuff for them to worry about. Honestly, you were just some woman who got strung along for a wild ride, and now had to deal with something a bit more difficult than a modelling shoot being cancelled. You could handle this.
“I’m fine,” you say with a fake smile plastered on your face. That was one good thing that came naturally to you because of modelling: faking emotions well enough, for a short period of time, faking it so well that anyone would believe you. “I just got distracted with thinking about what we could do.”
Jisung flushes, clearly misinterpreting your intention. “Oh yeah,” he breathes out, “it’s been a while since the three of us…” his voice trails off as he alternates looking at you and Christopher, the blush on his face deepening as he awkwardly shifts around.
The blond-haired man rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Yeah, but,” he sighs, “that’s okay. It’ll happen naturally when we’re ready for it to happen, right?”
Luckily for you that night, the three of you were able to share an intimate moment together for the first time in literal months. It was fine and was fun, albeit muted like everything else lately, nowhere near how chaotic it was at the beginning of your relationship. At least you could get them off of your back for a little while longer.
As you reached the touristy area of Cheonggyecheon (when did you get here?), your phone buzzed twice in your pocket and pulled you from your hazy daydream. Nervously, you pull the phone out of your pocket, giving it a quick glance. Nearly all of the texts on your phone are from Christopher, unsurprisingly. There was nobody else, only Christopher and Jisung. Those were the only people you had now; everyone else either abandoned you, hated you, were outside of Korea, or had died.
16:47 | Running late? Figured you’d be done by now. 16:58 | Where are you? it's been a half hour 17:05 | seriously baby where are you?
His texts start to seem more panicked, his texting habits clearly more frantic.
17:12 | I’m gonna call you again if you dont respond in the next couple minutes 17:14 | ok I am legit worried 17:19 | what are you doing? 17:21 | baby where are you 17:24 | the office told me you already left 17:28 | this is not funny 17:28 | turn your gps back on 17:29 | jisung and i are out in dt seoul looking for you 17:31 | call me as soon as you see this 17:31 | i saw you read these 17:32 | baby please
It’s been over an hour since your appointment ended, and your phone won’t stop buzzing. You jam it back into your hoodie’s pocket and continue to ignore the barrage of calls from Christopher. He clearly got a hold of Jisung, because you’ve also started receiving texts and phone calls from him. A smirk creeps up on your face as you reach the Mojeon bridge. You quietly pace up to the middle of the bridge and poke your head over the railing.
It happens without even thinking. Almost mechanically, you take your phone out of your pocket and drop it down into the stream below you. It was almost ironic, honestly, that this was right above the spot where you got shot during Changbin’s funeral. It was a good area for your phone to die alongside where your sanity did.
You can’t help but cackle at yourself, earning some choice stares from passersby. There was no rhyme or reason to why you were doing this, but it felt good. The rushing water beneath the bridge was oddly calming as you stared at it over the railing. There was always something about the water that helped you feel grounded and calm. With all of this chaos around you, you needed something to stay constant.
As crazy as it sounded, the thought of jumping into the stream and letting it carry you out to the Han river did pass through your brain, but you managed to talk yourself out of it. “No,” you say aloud to yourself, “I couldn’t do that.”
The screeching of tires from the street adjacent to the walkway pulls you out of your thoughts. You turn your head towards the noise and see Christopher jump out of his car, haphazardly parked halfway on the sidewalk. He runs to you, yelling your name a couple of times, a horror-stricken expression on his face.
Your heart is about to explode out of your chest as you see him running at you. Part of your brain is telling you to run, but it would appear that your muscles have forgotten how to operate themselves.
Christopher slams into you, causing you to take a couple of steps back as you narrowly avoid being knocked down on to the concrete. His arms wrap around you so tightly, you’re afraid he’s going to pop your lungs. “Oh my god,” he cries out, “oh my god, where the hell have you been?” He puts a hand on the back of your head, gripping your hair, lifting his head to kiss yours with several small pecks, and you can feel his body twitch as he starts to cry.
“A walk,” you manage to quietly squeak out, “I wanted to go for a walk.”
Christopher pulls back, releasing you from his embrace and taking a step backwards. “A walk?” His bloodshot, glossy eyes open wide, his face red as tears streak down his face, and he shakes his head. “Why didn’t you just tell me? I would have -“
“I’m smothered,” you flatly say, not really able to allow yourself to process any emotions. “You and Jisung both have both been treating me like I’m just going to fall apart if you even look at me.” Christopher stares at you in disbelief as the pedestrians around you pointedly avoid getting close.
“Lover’s quarrel?” A hushed whisper travels on the wind.
“Youth always out here with their petty drama,” another whisper follows.
You and Christopher stand there, staring at each other for a while. He eventually runs his hands through his hair, turning to look down the stream as he wipes the tears off of his face. “A walk,” he whispers, repeating back to himself. “Smothered.” He sighs heavily and turns back to you, his brows furrowed in frustration.
“I thought you had been kidnapped, or that you ended up dead somewhere. Do you not understand that there are people out there that want us to suffer or, god forbid, kill us? You were shot right here the last time we were here, for fuck’s sake.” The tears continue to fall down his face as he puts his hands on his hips. “I don’t want you to feel like this anymore. I don’t know how to help you with that, but,” he pauses, dropping his hands from his hips as he takes a step closer to you, “if I could take away all of your pain, I would do it in an instant, even if I had to take it all on myself.” He pulls you into his chest by your hips and wraps his arms around your waist, a bit more gently this time.
“I can’t do this without you. You, me, Jisung: we’ve all gone through so much shit in the past six months and we need each other.” His phone starts ringing, but both of you deliberately ignore it. “Once we’ve dealt with Minho and Hyunjin, Jisung and I are gonna leave the family. I’ve got some connections in Australia that would make it easy for us to move there. Nobody would know us. We can get out of all of this and leave this behind. How does that sound?”
A hint of a smile creeps up on the corner of your face. “It's a good idea, Christopher, but,” you say, staring at a confused police officer standing over Christopher’s car, “you’re about to get a ticket and you might wanna deal with that first.”
“What?” Christopher gasps, pulling away from your embrace as he grabs your wrist and turns to look at the scene unfolding. “Oh, goddammit,” he whines, pulling you along as he walks towards his car. “C’mon, let’s deal with this and go home.”
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The encounter with the police officer is uneventful. Christopher uses his charming charisma to talk his way out of it, even name-dropping some high-level official that he knows. Once the two of you are back in the car, he makes his way to an open parking spot and parks, pulling out his phone. He taps the screen a couple of times, and Jisung’s voice comes through the speakers of the car.
“Did you find her?” Jisung panics over the speaker, sounding as if he was nearly crying. “She isn’t answering my calls or my texts and I’m worried and I haven’t seen anything out here and I -“
“Sungie,” Christopher says, calmly, interrupting Jisung’s panicked word-vomiting, “I’ve got her, it’s okay.”
“I’m so sorry, Sungie,” you say, not really sure if he can even hear you.
“Oh my god, bunny,” he exhales, “are you okay?”
You open your mouth to say something, but Christopher interjects. “She’ll be alright. Go back home, and we can talk about it when we get back. We’ve got some things we all need to discuss.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung says with a deep sigh. “I love you, both of you.”
“We love you too,” Christopher smiles as he says it. He presses a button on the steering wheel, hanging up the call, then turns to you. He embraces your hand with one hand and grabs your chin with the other. “Do I need to take you back to the hospital?”
You shake your head.
“Okay, but if that changes,” he pulls you closer to him, and he rests his forehead against yours, “I need you to tell me. I can’t lose you, too. Promise me that you’ll tell me.”
“I promise,” you speak with feigned confidence. Liar.
“Good,” he tilts your head up with his hand, then gently kisses you on the lips. A repetitive chime comes from the centre console of the car, startling both of you, and Christopher rolls his eyes, letting go of your jaw and reaching out to press another button on his steering wheel. “Jisung, I swear, we’re -“
“Hyung,” Felix’s voice comes through the car’s speakers, cutting Christopher off. “Minho-hyung knows where we are. I don’t know if he’s coming here, but he knows where we are and I know he’s found out about Hyunjin and he is beyond furious.”
“Shit.” Christopher’s expression instantaneously sours and his brows furrow. “Did you call the hyung-nim?”
“Yes, hyung. He’s the one that told me. Can’t spare any extra bodies to protect us, though.”
“Alright,” Christopher tightly grabs his face and runs his thumb against his jawline. “You’ve got enough gear there? I’ll pick up Jisung and bring Seungmin and Jeongin with. We’ll be there in a little over three hours.” He lets go of your hand to grasp the gear shift, shifting out of park and into drive, merging his way into traffic.
“I do.”
“Understood. Call me if he shows up before we get there. I know there’s another group connected to the family that’s somewhere in Daegu that can probably help you out, but it’ll be the nuclear option and I don’t want to do it unless we absolutely have to.” Christopher deeply sighs, looking into the rear view mirror for a moment before focusing back on the road. “Hyung-nim’s already mad enough at us as is, but I’m not losing another brother today.”
“Will do,” Felix says with confidence, then cuts the line.
Christopher has a serious look on his face as he focuses on the traffic. He pushes yet another button on the steering wheel and tells the AI of his car to call Jisung. The trilling of the connecting line fills the car and everything feels tense.
“Hey, baby, what’s up?” Jisung’s voice comes through the speakers.
“We’ve got a problem with Felix and Hyunjin,” Christopher says calmly, but clearly concerned. “Minho knows they’re in Daegu and I’m assuming he’s on the way there.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Yeah,” Christopher grits his teeth and exhales with force. “I’m on the way to pick you up. Call Seungmin or Jeongin. Have them both meet us at the apartment, alright?”
“You got it.”
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“I don’t want her to come with, but,” you hear Jisung whispering to Christopher in the studio as Jeongin and Seungmin grab a few things from the studio and bring them out to the kitchen counter.
“She ran off, Jisung,” Christopher quietly bites back, “I can’t spare any of us to stay out of this just to watch her. You know that Minho is -“
Jeongin interrupts your eavesdropping as he sits down next to you on the couch. “It’s a nice view, isn’t it?” Part of you is upset that you’re socially obligated to socialize now instead of eavesdropping, but at the same time, you didn’t want to know how much you were inconveniencing Jisung and Christopher.
“Yeah,” you honestly agree, turning your head to look out the window. “I’m not sure how Christopher managed to get a property out here, but it’s impressive.”
“It’s been a while since we’ve chatted with each other.” Jeongin turns to look at you, a slight frown tugging at his lips. “Hyung had mentioned you were having a hard time coming to terms with everything. I know we don’t really know each other well, but you can always reach out to either me or Seungmin if you need to talk to someone different for once.”
“It’s true,” Seungmin perks up from the kitchen, walking into the living room and popping a couple of grapes into his mouth before he sits on the chair opposite from you. “We’re more fun than them, anyways.”
You smile at their words, continuing to stare out at the skyline. How was it that they had gone through all of this and came out seemingly alright? Why was it just you that had difficulties coping with everything? Why did you have problems with every little thing lately, but everyone else was doing so much better than you?
Christopher and Jisung come out of the studio, both of them visibly frustrated, but Jisung at least tried to hide it as he walked into the living room. Christopher grumbles something under his breath, darting off through the kitchen and into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
“Hey,” Jisung awkwardly says as the door slams, closing his eyes tightly and sighing. “Are you all ready to go? We’re running a bit behind, so Chan-hyung is a little frustrated.” You knew that was a lie, that Jisung was just trying to keep the peace.
Seungmin lifts his eyebrows and cocks his head towards Jisung. He smirks, almost like he wants to make some sort of comment, but he shakes his head. “Yeah, I think we’re fine.” He turns to look at both you and Jeongin, then looks back to Jisung. “Hyung gonna be alright, or…?”
Jisung rolls his eyes, waving his hand dismissively in the air. “Yeah, you know how he gets. He’s just,” his eyes subconsciously dart to you, then to the floor as he stumbles over his words, “he’s got a lot to deal with right now. You know?”
Jeongin turns to look at you, gently placing his hand on your knee. “Are you ready?” You take a second to catch your breath, then timidly nod your head and he stands up. “Alright. I think we can get out of here.”
A loud clattering comes from Christopher’s room. The four of you exchange panicked glances with each other, and Jisung takes a step toward the bedroom, stopping as the door flies open. Christopher steps out of the room, now wearing a button up shirt and a thin tie, both in black. You notice he has black gloves on as he adjusts his necktie. There’s also an unlit cigarette in between his teeth, which you knew was a bad sign. He doesn’t bother looking at anyone before he grabs his car keys off of the island in the kitchen and making his way to the front door, slipping on a pair of black loafers. “Grab the shit and let’s go.”
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Christopher chain-smokes for nearly the entire way to Daegu. He specifically asked you to sit in the passenger seat next to him, and you believe it’s so he could anxiously hold your hand. For the first forty or so minutes, until you get past Icheon-si, the air is so tense, nobody says anything. The bright LED of the dashboard reflects on Christopher’s face, illuminating the panic he’s trying to suppress as he takes another drag off of his third cigarette.
152km/h. That’s what you see when you turn to look at the big, bold digital letters reflected on the console. It felt much faster than you anticipated, and now you knew why, since the speed limit was 100. “You’re speeding,” you quietly say without thinking.
“Felix needs us,” Christopher says, his voice terse. “I don’t give a fuck about the speed limit. Nobody’s on the road right now.”
“Chan-hyung,” Jisung perks up from the back seat, pulling himself up with your seat to be in between you and Christopher, “you should probably slow down a little, at least. 150 is really fast.”
“Not happening.”
“Hyung,” Seungmin chimes in, “I don’t mean to overstep, but Jisung is right. We’re going to be no help if we -“
“Would all of you shut up?” Christopher shouts, letting go of your hand, flicking the end of his cigarette out of his window as he grabs another one from the open pack and the lighter in the cupholder. The speedometer slowly ticks up to 160 km/h, and the numbers change from blueish-white to yellow. “Nobody else is dying today, not if I can help it. We’ve lost too many people already. One person was enough. Changbin was enough.”
He lifts the cigarette to his mouth and his hands tremble as he flicks the black lighter a couple of times before the flame comes to life. The cigarette smoke always smelled terrible at first, until you got used to it about a minute in, but it wasn’t something you were overly fond of. Maybe once all of this was over, you could convince Christopher to stop smoking for good.
His left hand takes the cigarette from his mouth and he leans his elbow against the door, nervously rubbing his fingertips against his forehead. “Fuck,” he whispers under his breath. There’s another awkward silence as you feel Jisung let go of your seat, relaxing back into his spot. Jeongin whispers something that you can’t quite make out, and Christopher holds down a button on his steering wheel. “Call Lee Felix,” he says as the AI chirps at him.
“Calling, please wait.” the AI responds.
175 km/h. The numbers are now orange.
Christopher grips the steering wheel harder and harder the longer it takes for the call to go through. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he grumbles under his breath, eyes nervously darting between the centre console display and the road. “Fucking pick up, Felix.”
180 km/h.
“Yes, hyung?” Felix’s voice fills the car and you breathe a sigh of relief.
“Thank god, you picked up,” Christopher loosens his grip on the steering wheel just a bit, bringing the cigarette to his mouth and taking a drag from it. “Any word yet?”
“Not yet, hyung.”
“Good,” he exhales, and a cloud of smoke leaves his lips and is violently pulled out of the car through the window. “We’re on the way there, just drove past Icheon-si.”
“Icheon-si? Hyung, that’s…” Felix starts to say with a hint of concern in his voice.
“Don’t worry, I’ve been going a bit over the speed limit,” Christopher scoffs, “as it was kindly brought to my attention. Should be in Daegu in about two hours at this pace. Call me immediately if anything changes, understood?”
“Yes, hyung, but -“
“If you’re about to scold me, I highly advise against it.”
190 km/h.
There’s a momentary pause over the line. “Understood, hyung. My apologies for stepping out of line.” Felix’s voice sounds slightly dejected, but it’s barely noticeable.
“See you soon.” Christopher curtly ends the phone call by pressing the button on the steering wheel again.
200 km/h.
The display is bright red and there is a soft ding that brings Christopher’s attention to the dashboard. “Fucking shit,” he says, and the car slows back down as he moves his foot off the gas pedal. “I’ve never gone that fast before. Holy shit.”
You look at him, reaching a hand over to his hair, brushing it back behind his ear. It had gotten shaggier and curlier over the past few months, his dark roots starting to show more and more obviously as time went on, but it didn’t bother you. In fact, part of you was curious to see what his natural hair colour looked like.
“It’s going to be alright,” you softly whisper, rubbing your thumb against Christopher’s temple. He grabs your hand with his right hand and smiles.
“Thanks, baby,” he doesn’t look at you, but you know he genuinely appreciates the little ways you remind him that you care. He pulls your hand down from his face and gives it a quick kiss before he returns it to your lap, only letting go so he can hold the steering wheel when he ashes his cigarette.
145 km/h. That was tolerable.
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It takes maybe an hour and a half to reach the safehouse in Daegu. The building is old, like it had been abandoned a while ago. Siding had started to peel off of the side of the building, making it look dilapidated.
“I recognize that vehicle,” Seungmin says with concern as Christopher parks the car.
“I do, too,” Jisung chimes in, and reaches for his phone. “Nothing. Have you heard from Felix?”
Christopher pulls out his phone, glancing at the screen as he turns the car off. “Shit,” he says, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening his door. “Minho just got here. Let’s go.” The five of you get out of the car, Christopher and Jisung out in front of you, hands on their pistols as Seungmin and Jeongin are on either side of you.
“Stay behind us,” Jeongin whispers as you go up the stairs of the building. “I don’t know if anyone’s told you, but Minho gets violent very quickly. He’s unpredictable; not to mention, he’s got to be exceptionally angry, given the severity of the situation. Both he and Hyunjin are good shots, so try to stay out of the way.”
You approach the top of the stairs, the sounds of shouting coming through the slightly ajar front door. Christopher throws his hand behind him, and everyone stops moving. He cranes his head around the doorframe, then walks in.
“Minho,” he says, as Jisung follows him inside. “You need to step back.” Seungmin and Jeongin follow their superiors inside, and you can’t help but poke your head into the doorway.
“Oh, of course,” Minho turns around at the sound of Christopher’s voice, laughing sarcastically. “Channie has to show up and save the day. What a hero, right? Or is it that maybe you wanted to have a little revenge on Hyunjin for taking away our Changbin?”
The way that Minho spoke made your stomach turn. Something about it made you feel like you were watching a dark psychological thriller film, like you needed to take a shower.
“We decide together,” Christopher calmly says. “Trust me, I understand how angry you are at him, I really do.” Minho takes a couple of steps towards Christopher and his eyes widen, almost like he’s ready to throw a punch at his superior. The three men around Christopher take their pistols and aim them directly at Minho as Christopher tucks his pistol back into its holster and lifts his hands up. “Changbin was my best friend. I’ve known him for almost half my life at this point. Trust me, I get it.”
Christopher turns his head, looking at Hyunjin, who wavers a bit where he stands. “I’d want to make him suffer, too,” he turns back to Minho, “but you know that Changbin wouldn’t want that.”
Minho scoffs, closing his eyes and shaking his head, tilting it down. “Yeah, I know. Changbin was always the level-headed one out of all of us when it came to the family.” He lifts his head back up and a dark expression covers his face. “Changbin isn’t here anymore, though. So, if you and the boys don’t mind,” he turns his head back towards Hyunjin, “I’m gonna get revenge with my fists.” He lifts one of his hands in the air, “Don’t shoot me, though, I’m just gonna beat some sense into him, mano a mano.”
Christopher sighs, turning his head a bit back towards the men behind him, waving his hand dismissively to indicate that the guys should holster their pistols. “Let him,” he simply says, then moves to adjust his necktie. “If it gets bad, we’ll step in.” A part of you didn’t believe that Christopher was being sincere. With how much he cared about Changbin, it was likely he wanted to see Hyunjin suffer, but didn’t want to be the one to deal with it.
“No the fuck you won’t,” Minho snaps as he walks towards Hyunjin. “Pretty boy is mine to deal with.” He grabs the collar of the younger man and shoves him up against the wall. Felix takes a couple of steps around the men, walking over to Christopher and whispering something unintelligible from this far away.
“You know this is your fault,” Hyunjin says with a cocky look on his face. “If you never fell for Changbin after Shanghai, you know we’d be at the top now.”
Minho takes one of his fists and brings it to Hyunjin’s cheek, it slamming against his cheekbone with a thump. “If you hadn’t gotten so goddamn cocky,” he grips the collar of Hyunjin’s shirt again, shoving him into the wall a little firmer, “we wouldn’t have fucked up that deal. The Triads were fucking pissed at you and that’s on you. I wouldn’t have gotten shot if it wasn’t for your shitty fucking bravado.”
Hyunjin scoffs, drawing his head back a bit and colliding it with Minho’s with a heavy thud. Minho lets go of Hyunjin’s collar and grabs his head, moaning out in pain. “Fucking hell,” he grumbles with a slight slur.
“You were such a coward. Still are,” Hyunjin says, grabbing his forehead as he knees Minho in the stomach. “Temporarily left the fucking family because your precious Binnie was so worried about you. You really thought you were just gonna leave, go somewhere and start a happy family?” He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “As if. No one makes it out of here sane or alive.”
Minho growls as he reorients himself upright. He draws his arm back and literally leaps at Hyunjin, his fist colliding against his face again. This time, however, they land on the floor and throw fists back and forth until their faces and knuckles are bloodied. “If you never got involved with that fucking Triad girl,” Minho spits blood down onto Hyunjin’s face in anger, “we would never be here. Changbin would still be alive, the two of us would be out, then you could have had it all. But you went and flew too close to the goddamn sun, you fucking traitor.” Minho pushes himself to his feet and reaches for his pistol.
A chill runs through the air as Hyunjin calmly stands up, drawing his pistol in response. “It’s not my fault,” he says coolly, then turns to glare at you. “If it wasn’t for her,” he nods in your direction, then turns back to Minho, “Changbin wouldn’t have died. All I wanted to do was to give him a little warning shot so Minji and I could get out of there. But, you know your precious Changbin. Always had to be the brave, strong hero.” He squints his eyes and cockily smirks. “You loved that about him and you know that.”
Christopher tenses, sensing the shift in tone, and he grabs his pistol, motioning for you to get back, but it’s clearly too late to intervene.
It happens in an instant, time slowing down like the time that Christopher got shot in front of you. You see Minho’s arms raise up, aiming his pistol at Hyunjin, who responds in kind by aiming his pistol at Minho. However, he’s a bit too slow.
Minho fires his gun once, square into Hyunjin’s shoulder. The younger man shrieks and recoils, but manages to fire a shot into Minho’s stomach before he collides into the ground. The older man falls forward, crashing into the floor like a rag doll. Blood flies everywhere, painting the room and the men in splatters of deep crimson.
Hyunjin weakly coughs a couple of times. “Idiot,” he groggily whispers before his head rolls away from you.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” Minho coughs out, thick blood coming up from his throat. Felix immediately moves towards Minho, but the older man shakes his head once. “Let me fucking die.” The younger man stops in his tracks, nods, then moves to Hyunjin. He pores over the long-haired man, reaching up to his throat, letting out a deep sigh, shaking his head.
Minho lazily rolls onto his back, staring up to the ceiling. “I know you never would have wanted me to get revenge,” he scoffs, more blood coming up and spilling down his cheek, “but you knew me better than that. You were always the, ah,” he coughs a couple of times, “always the wiser one out of the two of us. I might have been older, but you were smarter.” He closes his eyes and lets out a shaky sigh. “I love you so much. You made me so much better. Sorry, baby. Hope you’re there on the other side. Heh. Hope there’s an other…”
A creaky groan comes from Minho, and that’s the last noise he makes. The room falls silent and nobody moves for a while. A few tears fall down your face. Minho may have been flighty and impossible to understand sometimes, but he showed you nothing but compassion and kindness when he first met you.
“Hi, I’m Lee Minho,” the memory of his introduction replays in your head. “Changbin’s probably talked about me by now.” You remember the way he softly smiled as he offered a slight bow to you. The way he looked at Changbin while he was half-drunk and high off of ecstasy, the way he whined at Changbin and pulled him into an embrace when he was half-asleep the next day. “Cuddle me and make it better.” There was no way he was truly a bad person, not by all of his interactions with you. He just loved Changbin and didn’t know how to appropriately act about it at times.
Your knees painfully collided into the ground and you just started sobbing. Sure, Minho had moments where he was absolutely insane, but the memories you had with him physically hurt as they passed through your head.
Daegu. You were in Daegu. You probably weren’t far away from where he and Changbin were for the Colourful Daegu Festival a long time ago. How happy they must have been when they were tripping on acid and listening to music. God, how much they must have loved each other. All of the happy memories they had, only to end in pain and misery and literal fucking death.
“Don’t let Channie intimidate you,” you remember him telling you the day that Christopher came home from the hospital, not long before Changbin brought him home. You were both on the couch, aimlessly talking about life as Jisung took a nap in the bedroom.
“What do you mean?” You had asked, turning to look at Minho.
“He’s a little intense sometimes,” he continued, folding his hands together and bringing them to the back of his head. “but he cares. Once he gets close to someone, he gets protective and it’s endearing. It’s usually just a bit intense at the beginning. I mean, you saw how he got when he found out you and Sungie had been together, but he cares. and just doesn’t know how to show it sometimes.”
You cocked your head to the side and mumbled in agreement.
“I remember when he found out that Changbin and I were dating. Wow,” Minho sighed as he rolled his head up to look at the ceiling. “Man, was he pissed. He yelled and yelled and totally reamed me. ‘First, you get shot for him,’ he said to me, ‘now you’re in love with him? With my best friend?’” Minho smiled at the memory. “That’s how I knew he really cared about Binnie. He wasn’t mad at me, he was just protective of his best friend.”
“Huh,” you mumbled out, then leaned back up against the couch, staring up at the ceiling with Minho.
“He gave me his blessing eventually,” Minho continued, “but he told me that if I ever broke Binnie’s heart, he’d break my kneecaps in two and make sure nobody found me at the bottom of the ocean.”
Your eyes widened and you turned to look at Minho in terror.
Minho tilted his head towards you and smiled. “Real charmer, ain’t he? Very endearing type. He falls fast. Probably loves you already, just doesn’t know how to say it. Be ready for it to come completely out of the blue.”
You run your hands through your hair, rocking back and forth as you sob so hard that your throat started to ache. Someone takes a few steps towards you, then bends down, pulling you into their arms. “It’s okay,” Jisung’s voice whispers in your ear, “it’s gonna be okay, bunny, I promise.”
Liar. Everyone was a fucking liar.
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“I’ll take care of this,” Felix quietly says to Christopher as you and Jisung sit on the middle of the staircase. “Don’t worry about it, hyung.”
“You sure?” Christopher flatly questions, his voice devoid of emotion. “I can call the hyung-nim and -“
“Hyung,” Felix presses. “Do you know how many bodies I’ve dealt with over the years? All the time in nursing school? It’s fine. It’s just another part of the job. Besides, the hyung-nim is still pretty miffed at us. Can’t imagine how happy he’s gonna be to hear that two more of us are gone.”
Christopher sighs, and you hear them slap each other on the back. “Thanks, Felix.”
“Not by blood,” Felix starts.
“By the code.” Christopher finishes their pact with a deep sigh. “I want you to come back up to Seoul when you’re, ah,” his breath hitches as he speaks, “when you’re done. Alright?”
“Understood, hyung.” Felix says. “You’re buying the drinks, though.”
Christopher lets out a strained chuckle as he comes down the stairs. “Yeah, yeah.” He slowly approaches you, sitting down on the stairs behind you and Jisung. “I’m sorry you both had to see this. I’m sorry this went so badly so fast.”
“Chan,” Jisung turns his head over his shoulder, looking up to Christopher. “Are you going to be alright driving back to Seoul tonight? There’s the other safehouse, or I can drive down to Busan; it’s only an hour or so from here.”
“No,” Christopher says, probably shaking his head like he did when he pretended he wasn’t bothered by something. “I don’t mind. Just gotta stop somewhere, get an energy drink and another pack of cigarettes and we’ll be fine.”
You lift your head up from your hands, staring off into the horizon as the sun starts to come up. It felt like you had been here for an eternity. A burning, gnawing sensation burned in your stomach as you mentally pictured Minho laying on the floor, blood spilling down his face. A cold sweat broke out over your skin and your body started to tingle everywhere.
Oh, shit.
You were going to be sick. You bolt up to your feet, running down the last couple stairs and prop yourself up against the railing as you spill the contents of your stomach on the pavement, painting the ground in a disgusting shade of green.
“Ah, baby,” Christopher whines, coming up behind you as he rubs his hand on your back, pulling your hair back in a loose fist with his other hand. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”
Liar. Everyone was fucking lying again.
Footsteps trail up the staircase, disappearing into the building as you hear Jisung say something to Felix. Your stomach retches again and searing acid comes up and splatters onto the ground, causing you to cough in a panic as it felt like your throat was closing. The cycle repeats itself a couple of times, and by the time you’re almost sure you’re done being sick, Jisung is on the other side of you, rubbing your lower back and handing you a cold bottle of water.
“It’s okay,” he lies, because everyone’s lying. Nothing was going to be fine. Nothing would ever be fine ever again. “When you can, take a drink of this. We can take as much time as you need.”
You snatch the bottle out of his hand with disgust, standing upright and breaking the seal of the bottle, taking a swig of its contents. The pH of stomach acid fluctuated between 1.5 and 3.5, you randomly remember from your university days. Water was neutral at 7. The way the water burned going down your throat made it feel like it was at a pH of 1.
Everything felt like battery acid. The way the stomach acid burned as it came up, the way the water felt as it went down, the way that everyone was lying to you, the way that life seemed to absolutely abhor your guts - literally and metaphorically. Even though you knew that Christopher and Jisung were doing their best at just trying to console you, their hands felt like battery acid burning into your back.
You sighed as you tilted your head up to look at the sky. The sun was coming up, but there was still a deep shade of violet far off in the distance, white spots spattered against the technicolour backdrop. A single red spot in the distance caught your eye. Huh. Wasn’t that supposed to be Mars if you saw a red star?
A red star. A red spot.
Wait a second.
Oh shit.
“Don’t we need to go to a convenience store?” You say, turning to Christopher, trying to sound as calm as possible as you do some mental calculations.
“Yeah, how come?” He responds, tilting his head in confusion.
“I’ll grab the stuff for you. I wanna grab a snack and some things to drink for the ride home.” You lie, a fake smile plastered on your face. “It’ll let you and the guys talk about family stuff for a minute without me, you know? Not like I can run away if you’re right in front of the store, right?”
Christopher’s face falls into a frown and he shakes his head. “I guess that’s fine. Jisung’s going with you, though.”
Shit.
“Chan,” Jisung says with a scoff, “I’ll just wait outside. She’ll be fine.”
Christopher glares at Jisung, then turns away, rolling his hands in the air. “Fine, fine,” he sighs, walking towards the car, “if she runs, you’re going after her.”
Jeongin gets off from the trunk of the car, shoving Seungmin’s shoulder and startling the poor man. Must’ve been nodding off. “C’mon, Seungmin,” he quietly says, “looks like we’re getting ready to go.”
“Is something wrong?” Jisung says as he steps in front of you, calculatedly avoiding your artistic addiction to the pavement. “Something doesn’t seem right.”
“It’s just a lot to process,” it’s a half-truth, really, “figured you guys could use a minute to yourselves and I could use a minute to myself.
“You’re not gonna run, are you?” Jisung sounds concerned as he tilts your chin up to look you in the eyes.
“I’m not, I promise.” For once today, you were telling the entire truth.
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Jisung doesn’t really pay attention to you as you wander around inside the convenience store. You grab a couple of snack foods off the shelf, not really thinking or caring about what you grabbed, too busy focusing on the real reason you were there. You walk around the store until you reach the more household-like items. Nervously, you roll your eyes up, checking to see if Jisung was still staring off into space.
Luckily, he still wasn’t paying attention. You eye a box, snatching it off of the shelf, then spin on your heel and grab a few drinks from the cooler behind you. As you walk up to the counter, you ask the clerk for whatever stupid brand of cigarettes that Christopher smoked, trying to hide the box from Jisung’s line of vision.
The clerk eyes you with judgement and shakes her head. She rings up all of the items, saving the box for last, but you grab it from her before she can place it in the bag and you shove it in the pocket of your hoodie. She cocks her head in confusion, then decides it must be too early to really question anything. “₩21,050.” You pull out a few bills from your pocket and slip them to her. She hands you some change then asks, “need the washroom?”
You turn to look at Jisung, who’s staring at you now. “Y-yeah,” you stutter out, “lemme just give this stuff to my boyfriend real quick.”
“First door in the back, to your left. Good luck.” The clerk scoffs, then goes back to her coffee.
You take a couple steps to the door, opening it and passing the bag off to Jisung. “Gonna use the washroom, be back in a second.” He opens his mouth to say something, but follows you into the store.
“I trust you,” he lies, otherwise he wouldn’t be following you, “but you know that Chan would kill me if I didn’t follow you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” you tuck one of your hands into your front pocket and open the door. “I get it, just give me a minute.” You slip through the door as Jisung stares at you in confusion.
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06:32. You make a mental note of the digital display as you get back into the car and slide your seatbelt on.
“You look a little pale, baby,” Christopher says as he rubs his finger on your face. “I know today has been a lot, but are you alright? You sure you wanna go back to Seoul today?”
“I’m fine,” you lie, swallowing down some of your panic. Subconsciously, your eyes dart to the clock again. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day. Long month. Long year.”
Jisung sighs from the back seat. “You can say that again.”
Christopher leans in to kiss your cheek, then unwraps the plastic from the pack of cigarettes in his hand. He pulls one out of the package, lifting it to his lips as he rolls down the window. “Everyone ready?”
Nobody really says anything, so Christopher shrugs his shoulders, lighting his cigarette before shifting the car into drive and making his way through the streets of Daegu. He takes in a long drag from his cigarette and lets out a sigh.
06:34.
“What a fucking year,” he says, not really expecting anyone to respond. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do if something else happens to us. I just wanna get out of the family, you know?”
Jeongin chimes in, “Yeah, I think I’m about ready to call it quits, too. Maybe go back to school and get a degree in something. Be a productive member of society instead of whatever this is.”
Seungmin laughs. “I feel you on that. Kkangpae isn’t really a marketable skill on a resume, is it? Imagine how that interview would go. Yeah, I have some good business skills, sir, but you don’t wanna know how I learned them. I can tell you how much a single dose of molly will go for on the street, though. Did I get the job? When do I start?”
The guys laugh, but you offer a polite smirk as your keep your eyes trained on the clock. 06:36. Why was it that when you wanted time to pass faster, it always seemed to go slower? Why was life so paradoxically cruel sometimes?
“Chan-hyung and I are pretty good at music,” Jisung perks up, “maybe we could become some idols or something? I’ve got the face for it.”
Christopher snorts and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, like that would ever happen. I don’t want that kind of life, sounds too busy. Besides,” he looks over at you, then back to the road, “I don’t think they’d take too kindly to the fact that I’m already dating not only one, but two, people. Really wouldn’t like the fact that one of them is another dude.”
06:38.
“Good point,” Jisung says, probably rolling his eyes. “Life is a cruel mistress, isn’t it?”
“I just don’t get it,” Seungmin says, “like, why is it anyone else’s business what people do in the space of their own homes? If it doesn’t hurt anyone, who cares?”
Jeongin scoffs. “You’re just saying that because you don’t want people to find out about your collection of -“
“Shut up!” Seungmin pleads with a whine, cutting off the younger man. “Why the hell do we live with each other again?”
06:40. Good enough.
You tilt your head to the side, pulling out the piece of plastic, pretending you’re looking at a piece of string. Your face falls when you eyes see a bright pink cross staring back at you, as if it were another way for life to slap you in the face.
“You alright?” Jisung’s voice startles you as you jam your hand back into your pocket.
“Y-yeah,” you sputter, “just thinking about how life really is cruel sometimes, you know?”
You were pregnant and you were definitely not okay with the idea of that.
“It’ll be okay, though,” you say as you stare out the window.
Everyone’s fucking lying.
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a/n: surprise! i literally cried writing this chapter too. chapter eleven is probably about halfway done as i post this, so hopefully you won’t need to wait too long for it. just a heads up, there will be triggering content in the last chapter, and it will be clearly labelled. the epilogue, step out! see you in the next life will briefly cover part of the ending of chapter eleven if you’re curious but don’t want to read it. thanks for sticking around for this wild ride. can’t wait to see you next chapter.
edit: mano a mano means hand to hand, not man to man btw. just found that out lol.
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vierafication · 4 years
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Last night around 4 am, I reblogged a certain post about "villainous rp" and added my own two cents to what had been discussed within it- mostly just venting about behavior I'd seen in the past. I didn't think much of it until I saw the next day it had been reblogged, and reblogged again, and again, by some folks who seemed pretty unhappy about what I'd said. I was told I needed to get a life, that I clearly can't separate IC and OOC, that maybe I shouldn't be writing at all. That hurt. I was irritated, then, feeling like I'd had words shoved in my mouth, like I was being purposefully misinterpreted. I typed up a clarification post explaining my previous points and pressed send, but it was seemingly ignored.
I talked with @damankjol about it later. He's the best, if you didn't know. And he rp's villains! I don't think he's a sociopath! He's very empathic and honest and understanding and cool, and he helped me realize that people weren't just angry at me, they were genuinely hurt by what I'd written. I went back and reread what I posted, as well as the responses, with a more critical eye. And... yeah. What I typed up wasn't clean, organized, or coordinated. I was venting and the tone that came off was irritated and rude. While not my intention, what I wrote sounded pretty fucking disrespectful and downright mean. And, frankly, my intentions don't matter, anyway, since I wasn't able to convey them properly. I just put some angry bullshit up on tumblr way too late at night, and I didn't expect anybody to even look at it, let alone reblog it- but I should have. Tumblr is a public platform and I should have approached my post the same way I'd approach any other one during the normal hours of the day. Thinking critically is always key, but audience is too- a vent post is a vent post, but I should have thought before I vented about a topic other people were sensitive to, and properly indicate specifics instead of vague generalizations. So, yes, I really wanted to apologize to anyone who that post hurt. I’m genuinely sorry. I should not have generalized like that. It wasn't even my intention in the first place. I was disrespectful and now that I think about it, incredibly hypocritical to boot. So yeah. I really am sorry. I respect @damankjol and @miqojak a lot as writers, and it would never be my intention to tear them down. Or anybody else, for that matter- rp only works when you rp with others, after all.
Once again, I'm sorry, and I hope you won't hate me for eternity or anything. Storytime and critical analysis under the cut.
One of my first, and worst, experiences in the ffxiv rp community was a good couple years ago. I was describing my character to a “friend,” and that character happened to be Lionnet Blodoint, my Ishgardian chirurgeon. Lionnet was not a good person by a long shot, to begin with, and from his time serving during the Dragonsong War, he’d developed quite a bit of PTSD relating to any and all things draconic. He hated dragons. He didn’t even like Au Ra. “Wow,” said the so-called friend at the time. “Your character is a nazi.”
“What? No!” I exclaimed. I tried to explain that he was NOT a nazi, he was just a traditionalist Ishgardian who hated dragons because they had been, at one point in time, absolutely hell-bent on destroying his home and everything he knew. I thought it was a pretty reasonable character trait to hate, or at least fear, dragons after serving in the Dragonsong War. The core of how I’d planned to develop him would be overcoming or at least coming to terms with his trauma, and no longer seeing it in every dragon or Au Ra he met. “No,” they said. “Your character is terribly written. They’re awful and nobody would ever want to rp with them. They’re boring because they’re so full of negative traits. They’re racist and thus, a nazi. And you are just as bad, because you’re defending them! You’re a nazi too!”
So yeah, they are NOT my friend anymore. But that whole convo really stuck with me, and I was afraid to bring out Lio afterwards- it took me another year before I actually began to use him in rp. And he turned out wonderful! His story became one of my favorite rp character stories of all time, and he had great relationship development and a happy ending. He’s still around, canonically, but I have a different main toon now.
So it shocks me that what that person told me about Lio is more or less the same as what I wrote in that post. I’m honestly dumbfounded at how I could just casually type that up and post it, when it draws so many parallels to the way I was bullied back then. So yeah. Huge hypocrisy right there. I swore to never act like that. And to an extent, I suppose I have. But that post I made was pretty fucking close- just directed at a vaguely generalized audience instead of a singular person and character. Maybe that’s actually worse. And I am sorry. I guess because it wasn’t directed at anyone but the void (even the op’s url doesn’t exist anymore), I just didn’t think about it. Which sounds like a lame-ass excuse, but... it’s true. I just wasn’t thinking. I was just venting. It’s really fucking with me that I could’ve hurt somebody so much completely unintentionally, to be honest.
So, what did I say- or, to be more clear, what was I attempting to say? What was my intention, and what wasn’t? I’m going to go over that now, more for my benefit than anyone else’s. Please note that I am not trying to make excuses or shove any blame elsewhere. I am just trying to clarify what I meant and address the issues that made my post so negative, for my own sake.
To begin, I’m gonna link this post by @lilac-memorials. It goes into detail about the trouble with “villain” discourse, and addresses a number of issues from a much more unbiased standpoint, far more eloquently than I could. Also, it seems to reference (the worse) parts of my posts at some points, or maybe I’m just paranoid. Regardless, it’s a much better post than the trainwreck that was the original one, and I agree with every bit of it. It also addresses the difference between a “villain” and an “antagonist,” which is something I attempted to go into but failed miserably.
Anyhoo. My post began with this paragraph:
Seriously. I do not trust anyone who refers to themselves as a “villain” rper. A character can take an antagonistic role in another character’s story arc, that’s fine, that works. It goes back to the “everyone is the hero of their own story” sorta thing. But playing a villain, only as a villain… what’s the point in that? It’s just someone roleplaying as an evil asshole that expects to be treated as stronger than other characters, expects to be feared. It reads like some twisted power fantasy. It doesn’t sound fun and it sure isn’t fun for the people rping with you. Like dude, calm down.
To begin with, yes, I am indeed a little distrustful of people who label their characters first and foremost as villains, before anything else. I am more suspicious of engaging in rp with them than I am with other types of characters, because I have seen some pretty crappy villains out and about and I just don’t wanna deal with that. Next, I go on to try to draw the line between a villain and an antagonist, and how I am much less suspicious of “antagonistic” characters than straight-up “villain” characters. “But playing a villain, only as a villain... what’s the point in that?” I ask. Very rudely. Insinuating that their is no point whatsoever in playing a villain. Which I didn’t intend to. But honestly, I don’t know how else that would’ve translated- I don’t know what I was thinking. I go on to describe this “villain” as somebody who is an evil asshole with a power fantasy, and how it ruins fun for anybody. Which can be read very easily as saying “all villains are like this.” No, they are not! I was describing the bad type of villain rper. The rper who “plays a villain, only as a villain,” and not as a character. Do you get what I mean now? The controlling, toxic, power-hungry rper that plays a villain as an outlet to be further controlling, toxic, and power-hungry, moreso than they ever could in reality. We all know that type of person exists. We’ve met them, somewhere. Sometimes they aren’t playing the villain at all, anyway. They’re playing the hero, or somebody else entirely. But here, I am just venting about that type of person. They are what my post is about. The key line should’ve been “playing a villain, only as a villain,” but it was shoved into a passive-aggressive question addressing self-worth instead of a proper sentence describing the difference between a well-written villain and a badly-written villain. And thus the post begins as if it had been rudely addressed to all villain rpers everywhere, labeling them as the evil asshole with a power fantasy, instead.
Next is: Anyway hot take but maybe the reason people kept trying to “redeem” and “change” OP’s character is because their character is boring af!
Yeahhhh, that one’s just mean. And, given the first paragraph, easily able to seen as an attack saying that if you are a villain rper, your character is boring af. They’re not! The op’s post is a little much, to be honest, and I guess I thought I was feeling spicy at 4 am. Now I think I must’ve just been being mean. Aurelia explains what’s wrong with the initial post here, though, instead of trying and failing to poke fun at it in that special pseudo-mean tumblr way like I did.
Lastly, Like, honestly! Play a character as a foil to another, play to fucked up ideas about morality, play an antagonist arc to a protagonist character, play a character who makes bad decisions. But don’t play a “villain.” Don’t play a character whose core personality traits are simply being cruel/evil. Don’t play a character whose sole focus is to kill npcs, be scary, and lord over other players’ characters. Don’t play a character who never develops or changes, and doesn’t facilitate change in other characters. Just don’t be an asshole edgelord. Don’t be flat and one dimensional. Don’t use rp to live out your fucked up power fantasy. Get therapy instead.
Honestly, I think this is the most clear part of my entire post, and also the worst, at the end there. I just am listing off behaviors that this figurative “bad villain rper” exhibits, and what offsets them. Play a villain that’s complex, had depth, nuance! I’m saying don’t play the “villain,” and then listing off what this specific hypothetical villain is. The opposite of deep and nuanced. The “bad villain rper” type the whole post is a vent about.
Then comes the dreaded “ Don’t use rp to live out your fucked up power fantasy. Get therapy instead. “ The villainous power fantasy. No, I do not think everyone who rp’s villains is like this. Yes, I believe there are people like this, who are INCREDIBLY few and far between, and if they solely use rp as an outlet to harass others both ICly and OOCly, that is bad! And maybe they should get help! And even, then, that was only half-serious! But therapy is a serious subject and I should have known better, and done better. Did all of that come off as intended? Hell no! Instead, it was the final nail in the coffin.
So! That’s what I was trying to say. Badly-written villains are a pain. If I had written up a post like I am now, with this long-ass thing, actually trying to be eloquent and clear. Not 4 am word vomit. This 4 am word vomit instead has gotten me to be read and interpreted as:
-being completely unable to separate character and player to the point where i think every villain’s player is a Real Life Bad Person and/or needs mental help
-saying all villains are boring because they’re not heroes, and thus are incapable of being complex and nuanced
-saying people who play dark/antagonistic characters are, in general, living out their fucked up power fantasy through them
-thinking that villainous characters are incredibly boring and just plain terrible
No! None of that is what I think! Absolutely none! I’m not going to go in and refute each of those claims, because, like I said, I’m not trying to make excuses here. But I WILL end this thing with what I do think of villainous characters and their players:
They’re fucking great, okay? A good story is made a gazillion times better by having a good villain in it, be the story a book, a movie, or an rp scenario. Well-written villain rpers are a TREASURE, and need to be appreciated! It is often harder to find rp with antagonistic toons, to begin with, and their players may find themselves getting shit on more often than others, which should absolutely not be the case. Characters that are complex and deep and nuanced are great no matter what their alignment is.
There ARE some pretty shitty villain rpers out there, too. And, in my own personal experience, they tend to be much more obnoxious than shitty hero rpers. A badly written hero will ruin a villain’s rp. A badly written villain may well try to ruin everybody around them’s rp.
Badly written villains suck. They’re the worst. And they make things worse for those that dedicate a lot of time and effort to crafting complex and cleverly written, compelling villains! Badly written villains are something I can and will complain about, just as well-written villains are something that I can and will praise. But I’ll try not to complain or vent on this platform anymore, to start.
And I do NOT blend IC and OOC. That’s the rper’s taboo! I will critique others who do it, though, which ironically is what I was sort of trying to do- complain about those specific villain players who do that. But anyway. If you’ve read this far, good for you! This has been way too long.
And. Please. If I do say or do something that hurts you in the future, regardless of what type of post it is, talk to me! Tell me what’s up! Thank you!
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chrliekclly · 6 years
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do you think charlei and dee had sex because they mistook their genuine platonic bonding as attraction? (serious question, steming from thatlesbian dee post). I never thought of it that way, and I'm interested to hear that side !
YES that’s actully smthn i lose my sht abt !! iv blown up ppls mssgs with this kinda talk like, im a mess. ok lemme type right nd lemme type A Lot Again Anyways cz thos 2 giv me Way too many feelings (im spposd to b working on a final rn christ…)
okay…i scrolled back up after finishing nd turns out i went…literally insane…aka Much too far…so i need to under-the-cut it. mobile…viewers…i’m rly so sorry. swipe hard to leap ahead…hell im sorry fr computer viewers too. my theme is rough.
to start, my HCs surrounding chardee are rooted in charlie being on the ace spectrum and dee being gay (or like @ least bi, but imo all the men stuff is straight up compulsory heterosexuality).
i will always cling tight to the deleted scene wherein charlie says he thinks sex is gross and will genuinely get sick when he thinks about it unless he thinks about it with one specific woman. i know he shows sexual interest a decent amount of times throughout the show and has canonically had sex (on camera too, yeesh) but i see each time as very out of the blue moments (coming onto dee @ multiple points while worked up, agreeing to bang tatiana cuz she says to, that kinda thing) or relating to his long standing and delusional obsession with the waitress. in that vein, he’s also canonically enjoyed sex, and I don’t try and blind-eye any of it, because ace doesn’t always mean sex can’t be enjoyed in the moment. charlie definitely has a libido, and bodies be bodies. hell, sex-repulsed can sometimes even flip 180 in the right conditions. shit is one fun spectrum i’ll tell you that…but either way, to start with him, i think him going forward with banging dee was very much a misjudgment of what feelings are and being extremely caught up in a moment where he felt real, genuine, closeness with someone else who he was having a damn good time making terrible poetry with.
as for dee, i, first of all, just agree with everything in that post. in the context of chardee, as much as i will lose my mind in tags about how hard i ride or die the ship, it’s mostly my obsession with their dynamic. i don’t think chardee is meant to be endgame. i absolutely 100% believe that dee, too, is misinterpreting her feelings. i think part of it is her consistent comp het, and the other is she’s never been close with someone the way she has been with charlie, and she doesn’t know what she’s meant to do with it. i think she was similarly caught up in a moment in which she showed her own vulnerability, opening herself up to someone who could easily just ridicule her as she’s used to (”right now? i’m scared”), and she receives support from him instead (”you’re not gunna bomb, you’re gunna do great”). we’ve seen how much dee craves validation, thats her entire thing. i’m not shocked she dropped her pants in this moment lmao. she probably felt her damn heart flutter cuz she got told by someone who she at least somewhat trusts that she really is good, even if she doesn’t think so. the only rational explanation for the feeling associated with that person is that he’s The One right? pretty big leap
just…basically i dont think either of them know what a relationship is.
charlie’s lived nearly his entire life deluding himself into thinking that, 1. he and the waitress have a relationship that is anything other than creepy, and 2. that the warped-ass mess of an image he’s created in his brain for what he and the waitress are to each other is what love is. he thinks he’s making progress in getting close to her when the only thing she’s Ever done pre-s12 is ask him to leave her the fuck alone. he’s never even attempted to look past the waitress before, and the only time he shows interest in other people it’s purely his libido talking. he doesn’t pursue romance, and the one time we’ve seen him do so he was using her to get to, who else?, the damn waitress. 
dee’s lived her entire life having to prove herself to every single person she interacts with, and its familiar to her to getting ahead by using men, usually as sexual objects. i’m hesitant to bring this up on a post wherein i speak on dee’s sexuality because i don’t want to link this trait to it in any way as if its related, but to be fair, dee is as much a serial rapist as dennis is in that regard. the gang are shitty people, we know that. she will get men drunk to have sex with them, or pressure them into it, or trick them into it. she’s not having sex with these men for pleasure, she’s literally doing it for power. it’s absolutely fucked up, but so is she.
when she Is romantically involved, she’s shown to leap headfirst into those relationships and blow them out of proportion on 0 grounds for it. she buys a promise ring for a guy who didn’t think they were dating, it’s implied she’s going to actually go ahead with the brad fisher marriage thing after the episode ends, she gloats about how important she is to a stripper who was literally shame-crying during sex (also? she says “we BOTH wept,” and she can say that’s because it was that good, but i really doubt it). i mean the woman GAGS when talking to men she’s “nervous” around, something she takes as meaning she’s attracted to them? lmao uh???
at this point i’ve probably repeated myself over and over, my brain is on backwards and my train of thought went off the rails years ago. but i’m still gunna retype an old set of tags i found:
i hc that neither of them end up together but they do go through a relationship-ish phase, but dee’s gay and charlie’s okay with that (and always ace in my mind) because they finally move on from their own irrational drives to adhere to what they think is expected of them. i dont think either of them have any idea what a relationship is meant to be and they pathetically grasp at each other because they’re kind-ish to one another and that feels safe for once. chardee may be my main ship but i purposefully backtrack on myself because i know they’re two people who barely know love and have found each other, both as underdogs in their environments, and feel an electrifying Something that they Cant Name wen theyre together, and that something just so happens to be friendship and they don’t realize it cuz they’re doofuses who’ve led really unfortunate lives where friendship and hatred are always intermingling.
i’ve never brought it up here, but i often imagine a timeline of their relationship, because i enjoy the idea of them figuring themselves out through each other, just because they are genuinely amazing (platonically) together, and they get into some of my favorite shit. the thought of late night talks and confessions about their worries and confusion about their feelings while lying in bed, just close because they feel comfortable that way, realizing they can keep loving each other and not force it to mean something it doesn’t, the relief that comes with that, a final kiss that really doesn’t mean anything but thank you, not losing what they had but rather gaining a whole new kind of intimacy, and still getting into absolutely ridiculous situations. maybe dee realizes shes, ironically, found herself with a crush on the waitress and it cracks charlie up. he doesnt mind. he’s finally learned that if he Is going to be with someone it should definitely be with someone who makes him feel at Least half as comfortable as the way being around dee does, and knowing he doesn’t have to make himself look for that, but when he knows he will know. plus, he cant imagine dee pulling that one off. but maybe one day she does. dees gentler around the edges, and she gets butterflies when talking to women, but she never gags. charlie’s a terrible wingman but he keeps convincing dee to let him try. she brings a girl home for the first time and charlie all but backflips in an empty pool that day. they’re still shithats but they’re learning to let that go. people can get better. AA would probably help.
iv gone too far goodbye
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meanderfall · 7 years
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I haven't seen many people talk about it, but Temple was right, the Reds & Blues *do* treat Caboose with kid gloves. They see him as stupid and sometimes annoying, but ultimately harmless and sweet and childlike (most of the fans do too, as did the last two writers). Alpha was really the only person who ever treated him like an adult (he still found him annoying, but tbh I think a lot of that was just bluster), who acknowledged that he was capable and *dangerous*. Maybe Tex did too, but [1/3]
[2/3] they didn't have many on screen interactions.And at first Wash did, but after Alpha died no one did. Which I think wasactually on purpose in regards to Epsilon? Because even though Epsilonacknowledges Caboose's strength at the end of Season 10, he still treatsCaboose like the others do. Whereas Alpha was *always* aware of how destructiveCaboose could and would be, to the point where he'd hide behind him in diceysituations because he didn't want to get caught in Caboose's crossfire.
[3/3] I also thinkit's a little interesting that Temple was supposed to analogous to Alpha(although how tf did the Director know that Alpha would be enough like Templeto make the stalemate work again? Also the stalemate only really worked in thefirst place because Temple and Biff were friends so?? But I digress!), and hadalso been the only one since Alpha died to acknowledge that Caboose was anadult, and even though he was cruel about it he still treated Caboose like hedid everyone else.
Hello, Anon! It was so nice to see this in my inbox omg, and I’m sorry this took so long, life has been hectic and stressful! Not to mention, I wanted to take the time to ponder about this, and lol I’m definitely going to be rambling a lot woops.
You’re absolutely right, anon. We, the fans, and the writers and even the BGC tend to baby Caboose a lot. Mostly, at least in my case, because he tends to exude innocence and naivety and you just wanna protect him as much as possible from the real world. But just because he does seem innocent and naive, it doesn’t mean he’s a kid. Alpha was probably the one who treated him the most as an equal, though that’s probably mostly because he’s an asshole to everyone. (Though maybe not?? Remember that RVB 360 video with Church doing the Dad Knee to Junior and talking to him?? Maybe he does know the difference between how to treat a kid and an adult. Won’t stop him from complaining about the kid around said kid though lol.)
I’m not going to lie, anon, these asks gave me some kind of existential crisis as I tried to figure out what exactly is the difference between a kid and an adult, besides ages, and how we’re supposed to treat them, (because it seemed like part the argument that you were implying about how Caboose is an adult and doesn’t need to be treated like a child was that he’s dangerous, and that didn’t sit well with me tbh so here I am over-analyzing a simple ask yet again lmao im sorry if i was wrong or misinterpreted).
Anyway, I’m pretty sure the difference has do with cognitive development. Kids’ thought processes are pretty simple, and this is especially clear from their idea of morality. I’ve heard my younger siblings exclaim so many times that something was unfair, and y’know sometimes they were right, but other times they weren’t taking into consideration other circumstances that made it so the situation was fair. Not to mention, that they’re selfish, through no fault of their own. So far, in their minds, they can’t really manage to consider other people’s point of view, and unless they’re taught differently and actually make the effort, that won’t change. And that’s where the difference between how adults are supposed to treat kids and other adults comes in. Adults, esp their guardians, are supposed to help them grow. They are there to encourage more complex thought processes and and help them walk through the logic if necessary. And they are there to offer advice bc adults have so much more life experience then kids do.
Caboose isn’t really like a kid at all. A lot of people might mistake the things he says as him being simple-minded but really, he just sees things differently from others and processes it differently. And that of course, seems weird and probably child-like to the others because by now they’re so used to how ‘normal’ adult minds work. And like, there are so many examples of posts on this site of adults or teenagers being surprised or caught off-guard by something a kid said or did, so I guess when the BGC encountered Caboose and had that happen to them, they kind of went Caboose = child.
Not to mention, Caboose is easily one of the most caring and empathetic characters on the show??? He loves his friends so much, esp Church, and would do anything for them. (Good examples of Caboose having complex thought processes and empathy: his speech to Tucker in s12 about how he shouldn’t be mad at Church, that episode of s14 ‘Caboose’s Guide to Making Friends’ or whatever it was called, s8 in general when he kept wanting to help Epsilon esp the end of s8. ‘But they’ll die!’ he says. He is completely aware of the possible consequences of what’s happening. He isn’t dumb.)
Anyway, back to the rest of the asks! About them treating Caboose with kid’s gloves.... I waffle between saying you’re absolutely right and going “Weeeellll....”. Because Temple says that right before he reveals that Church really is truly dead and Tucker is trying to stop him from saying it. And you’re right. Caboose shouldn’t have that hidden from him. He’s fully capable of hearing the truth and starting to process the grief. But the thing is, isn’t that what he was already doing in the beginning of s15? Before Temple sent them that corrupted message and gave him hope again? (Not to mention, in the grand scheme of things it probably isn’t that weird to thing Church could’ve honestly come back, he’s died and come back so many times.) And, as a friend, wouldn’t you want to do anything to protect your friend from getting hurt or from grief? Especially when the news is coming from your enemy? Of course Tucker wanted to stop Temple from revealing the truth like that. And it kind of happened in a tense moment. And Tucker hadn’t really been at his best emotionally all season (which believe me, I’m kind of displeased with :/    s15 Tucker is not my Tucker.) (The Blood Gulch Chronicles was probably the best in terms of Tucker treating Caboose like an equal. They definitely had sibling bond there, annoying each other and trying to get Dad’s Church’s attention XD)
I think Wash is pretty good about Caboose though. I still remember that s11 speech when he validated Caboose’s feelings of loss and asked for forgiveness for not being a better leader when he really needed him. I’d probably need to re-watch the seasons for myself in order to really confirm if they treat him like a child constantly that can’t comprehend what’s happening. It’s hard to tell for sure, because the writers kind of fuck that up from time to time, making Caboose seem dumber and the others reacting more harshly to it. Though where do we draw the line of them baby-ing him and caring for him? Like when Sarge let’s Caboose push the button in s3 and calls him a ‘litle rascal’ (i think?), is Sarge treating him like a kid there or just engaging in his enthusiasm? Or in s7 and s8 whenever they leave Caboose behind out of the fights, are they doing it to stop him from accidentally hurting others or because they genuinely think he’d be useless in the fight? Whenever they decide not to explain something to him, are they doing it because they think it’s a waste of time to explain something Caboose won’t understand anyway? (Personally, whenever Caboose misunderstands what someone explained to him, I think it has to do with a lack of concentration than just not being able to comprehend what they’re telling him. He probably has a tendency to drift. And he can concentrate when it’s important, so I think he’s okay) There are probably more examples, but I can’t think of more, I really do need to do a rewatch goddamn.
One last thing! About how Temple is analogous to Church and the stalemate. Correct me if I’m wrong (and I might seriously be, I watched s15 with friends, so I probably missed a good quarter of information), but isn’t the similarities between the two groups completely coincidental? Because Alpha wasn’t implanted and put into Blood Gulch until after Project Freelancer was destroyed, and Temple and the others were in an simulation outpost while Freelancer was still running, evidenced by Carolina and Tex showing up. And I don’t think it would be too hard for them to purposefully create a stalemate? The Counselor probably evaluated them and interviewed them, and learnt that Temple and Bif were friends, and just created the teams in such a way that they would either more or less take charge of their respective teams or be too lazy to fight, creating a stalemate between the two. Also I’m pretty sure Florida created the Blood Gulch teams on his own??? so it really is a coincidence. A freak-ish one for sure, and obviously kind of contrived because it was for plot, but it isn’t that bad.
Also, totally jumping off that one tiny thing you said about how Temple and Alpha were the ones to treat Caboose like an adult. First, I’m about 99% sure the reason why that’s the case if because they’re both huge assholes omg nothing will stop them from treating you like a dumbass. And, this is totally a more personal thought process that I’m just shoving at you, even though me and my friend spent most of our watch saying things like “Alpha would never do that!”, looking back on it, I think Alpha would. Keep in mind, Alpha was an AI created by Leonard Church. A man that when his wife died and he had been powerless to stop it, started torturing his own mind in the hope’s of one day creating an AI of his wife, and performing psychological experiments with the people under his command, who he is supposed to guide and train, and on his own daughter. If there had been a clear cause for what had happened, like in the case of Bif’s death, he probably would’ve gone absolutely insane in his quest for vengeance, like Temple did. And Alpha would’ve done the same, at least, probably before he had been tortured and fragmented. Afterwards, he didn’t really have much emotions or energy to bother with vengeance plots.
Anyway, thank you for coming to my inbox! I hope you enjoyed this read through lmao, though it’s probably filled with stuff you already know and understand! Also looking back on it, I realize I’m all over the place about whether the BGC treat Caboose like a kid woops. I might do a rewatch just for this lol.
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