#ill keep on coming back to 3 for a little bit then forgetting about it for another half a year.like sisyphus

[bobzora]

playing the sims sucks because 4 has way less depth than 3 but 3 runs like shit even with performance mods

[theabigailthorn]

Hey I’ve been a fan for a little while now, and I just wanted to say that you’ve been an inspiration for me, a younger transfemme. But I do wanna also ask: what’s it like being a trans woman with her life together? I’m 19 (as of sending), been on hrt for almost 5 months, and have been trans for a year and change. But I’m scared. So, I guess, I wanted to ask: does being trans ever become the norm, my baseline? What’s it like after 2-3 years? And does it get any less confusing or scary?

I think there are a few things going on here.

I don't have my life together as much as it might seem; I just don't show you all the ways it's not. I don't talk publicly about the auditions I don't get, or the things I try and fail at, or the insecurities in my own head that hold me back sometimes, or the handful of decisions I've made that were bad calls and which still keep me up occasionally. I've talked about trauma and mental illness in the past, but I only ever discuss stuff I'm comfortably over - when I'm overwhelmed or in the middle of a crisis I don't post about it. I don't set out to deceive you by presenting myself that way, I just keep my most private stuff private. Everybody has failures and regrets and insecurities: "it's a sign of having lived," as my friend Phoebe told me today. But you see a curated version of me that appears not only more together than the real person, but more together than any real person.

Also, if you're 19 a lot of your life hasn't been in your control until pretty recently and a lot of it still might not be. I'd say it's okay to not feel like you have it all together. You just transitioned, which I think is one of the hardest things a human being can do: you can give yourself credit for that even if you feel like you're not settled into it yet. Congratulations!

As for it becoming the baseline, I mean yeah? Kinda? At least for me. Sometimes I forget. I had a moment today in the gym where I saw a man and I was like "Oh yeah, I used to be one of them, sortof? Weird!" The first year is the hardest, or so they say. I wouldn't say I get less confused or scared now, just scared and confused in different ways. I worry less about getting attacked in the street than I did in my first year, for example. (I'm lucky and privileged in that regard.) But I worry a lot more about other people. I struggle a lot with survivor's guilt, which is something only people who survive get! Anyone who's had a drink with me in the last six months has heard me beat myself up because the night of The Prince premiere in New York was the night of Brianna Taylor's vigil in the UK. That wasn't a deliberate decision - the premiere was booked and paid for months before she was even killed - but I've become a lot more sensitive to those sorts of feelings precisely because I spend less time worrying about myself. I'm more aware now of what my transness means for other people. Like, I made an ironic joke when I came out that I'd become The Transgender Princess of TERF Island, and it's kindof haunted me since - I didn't set out to become "a famous trans person" but it's happened a little bit and it's going to happen a lot more next year. That comes with serious responsibilities and a few mild drawbacks, as well as perks, obviously. So I guess that's a longwinded way of saying I might be a weird person to ask this question because, at least for right now, my transness, my whole self, doesn't just belong to me.

Oh also, some great advice I got from my friends: Paris: "Only change the things that bother you on your good days," and Mattie: "Don't believe anything you think about your life after 9pm."

[ellies-little-thing]

Want you back (e.w.)

*not my images, but i edited them

My masterlist <3

pairing: modern!ellie / fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW; angst; fluf; smut; reader is referred to as she/her; reader has a vagina; cheatting; drinking; use of marijuana; strap!usage reader!receaving; cunilingus; mature content; very explicit; Kind of proofread, English is not my first language.

Author's notes: Hi! i had a blast writing this one! I hope you like it, I really liked writing it! Feedback is always welcome and likes and reblogs are always encouraged! Thank you! Enjoy!

word count: 21.6k

Inspired by this 5SOS song <3

MEN AND MINORS DNI! ( I'll find you, and ill kill you. So... )

You and Ellie broke up a few months ago. You dated for almost half a year before she cheated on you. She was the one who broke up with you though. She had never told you why she had done it. You tried to forget about it but it was really hard. Because of the break up, you haven’t felt like yourself. The depression was kicking in and your friends were starting to get worried about you.

You haven’t really gone out, met other girls or anything for a while, so when your friends drag you to a frat  party, you hesitate if you should go. But when you get to the party. You see her. Ellie. She’s talking to some girl, but then she sees you. She has the girl under her arm as she's drinking. She was wearing her usual go-to outfit, a wife beater with ripped skinny jeans and her black converse with her hair in a half bun.

You try to ignore her and keep talking to your friends. As you turn away from her, you can feel her stare. It’s piercing through you, but you keep ignoring her, that is until she walks over to you and taps on your shoulder. You look back, a bit annoyed, already knowing it is her. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” She asks, but her voice hints more at an order than a question.

You roll your eyes, but go with her into a more private place and with less noise. She leads you away from the party to some random hallway. You don't know why you keep letting yourself into these situations again and again. She waits until you’re both alone before she begins to talk. “Look, it’s been a few months since the breakup and I think we need to talk.” She says as she crosses her arms and looks you straight in the eye.

“About what?” You ask crossing your arms as well, getting uncomfortable from being this close to her again after so long.

“About the breakup.” She says as she walks closer to you. “We were together for so long, I feel like just breaking up was a mistake.” She says as she comes up to you. “I think we need to get back together.” You’re speechless. All this time thinking she hates you, but in reality she misses you. She wanted you back.

“You were the one who cheated, not me.” You say bluntly, looking at her.

A wave of embarrassment washes over her face, as she looks down at the ground.

“I know.” She says as she looks back up at you. “But I miss you, I realized no one else makes me feel like you make me feel.” You could smell the alcohol from her breath.

“I'm tired Ellie.” You say uncrossing your arms and leaning against the wall. Ellie frowns a little and looks at the ground for a few moments. After a bit, she looks right into your eyes. “Please just give me another chance.” She says as she looks desperate and a little heartbroken.

“Why should I?” You ask her, getting angry now.

“Because I love you.” Ellie says as she steps closer to you, so you can feel the warmth of her body. “I made a mistake, okay? But I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Please just give me another chance.” She says as she stands mere inches from you. She smells of her cologne you missed so much, but there is something else. She smells of pot. By the way she slurs her words you realize she's probably high as well.

“You were just now having loads of fun with that girl you were with…” You say crossing your arms again and looking at her annoyed, trying to get some distance between you.

“She’s just a friend.” Ellie says as she looks away from you, feeling a bit embarrassed. “I wasn’t really having fun. I would much rather be here, with you.” She leans in closer to you until you can feel her warm breath on your neck. “Come on…” She says as she looks at you with teary eyes. “We were so good together.” She speaks in a low and raspy tone knowing how it affects you.

You stay still, looking at her with your arms crossed as she speaks. Ellie notices your body language and looks at you with worry. You aren't reacting like you used to. “Please don’t stay angry, just give me another chance.” She repeats. Her voice sounded more pleading and desperate instead of angry. She leans in closer again until she’s practically pressed up against you. She places a gentle hand on the side of your face, as she looks you directly in the eyes. “Please, my sweetheart.” She whispers.

“I'm your sweetheart now?” You ask with a “are you serious” vibe.

“Always have been.” She says as she looks directly into your eyes without blinking. She places her other hand on the back of your head and begins to stroke your hair. She’s practically right on top of you, pressing herself as close to you as possible, so you can feel her body against yours. “Please babe, just give me another chance...” She whispers in your ear.

You melted when she called you ‘babe’, that's what she would always call you before. You can't really get away since she backed you into the wall. “You're drunk Ellie...” You look away from her face trying to hide your blush.

“Just give me another chance...” She repeats, her voice still pleading and desperate as her hands are starting to move, caressing your body. She looks at you, her cheeks are red with embarrassment, her eyes glazed with sadness and longing. “Please, I’ll do anything to make this up to you.” She whispers as she kisses you gently on the cheek and then on your neck. You can feel your body starting to give in to her touch but you try to resist her. You feel her giving you some more kisses as her hands start to go into more intimate areas. She grabs your ass and gives it a good squeeze. You can feel your panties starting to get wet. You forgot how good she could make you feel. As her hand starts going up, under your dress, you realize what she really wants and you stop her.

“Ellie stop.” You say as you feel her kisses on your skin. You missed her and they felt good but she was drunk. She didn't mean anything she had just said. She just wanted to fuck you. Ellie stops kissing you and leans away from you just enough for her lips to be off of you, but she is still close so that she’s pressed up against you. She looks you in the eyes. Her breath heavy from her kissing and you can feel her chest slowly rising and falling. She still looks at you with a pleading look. Just waiting for you to say something. She grabs you by your waist as the other hand still travels under your skirt, looking at your lips. You get away from her grasp. “You don't just get to do that and think I'll come running back into your arms.” You look at her with a bit of anger in your eyes as you pull your dress down. Ellie looks at you as if you just stabbed her right in the heart. She slowly shakes her head at you and sighs. She crosses her arms over her chest and she looks down at the ground. She stays like this for a few seconds before finally speaking. “I understand. I just wanted you back, but I guess I can't make things right.”

“If you weren't drunk every time you tried that, maybe i'd believe you.” You say with a sadness in your voice. Her heart skips a beat when she hears the sadness in your voice. But she doesn’t allow the thought of her hurting and disappointing you to distract her. Because she has to be strong. So she keeps her gaze at the floor and responds: “Yeah, you’re right.” She sighs and lets her eyes travel around the floor, before they rest on her feet for a few seconds. “Good night Ellie, have fun with your date.” You say almost crying as you walk back to your friends. You move through the crowd still thinking about her.

The pain in her stomach grows exponentially as she sees you walk away from her. Without realizing it, she makes a fist as she stands there. She is angry at herself. She stays there for a few seconds, hoping that you’ll come back to her. Hoping that you’ll change your mind and give her another chance, but you never turn around. She just feels her whole world crumble apart. But instead of showing her sadness, she keeps the image of the tough girl she wants to be. She crosses her arms and sighs. “Goodbye.” She whispers.

You hear her but just continue walking. She stays there, trying to compose herself. But the disappointment and sadness from seeing that you didn’t look back is too much for her. She goes into the bathroom and locks the door and she just breaks down emotionally. She starts crying uncontrollably. You decided to go home, as it was getting really late. You say your goodbyes and start leaving the party. Ellie calmed herself down and came out, her mind going into a whirlwind. She was heartbroken and defeated. As you leave, she doesn’t even notice you or anything around her anymore. She just stands there next to the girl she was with again, staring at the void in her mind. She doesn’t speak or move. She just stands there.

You walk home and when you arrive you lay in bed sad, because of Ellie's behavior. As you lay down on your bed, your thoughts take over. You think about everything Ellie said and everything that happened at the party. Your heart hurts as you think about how she reacted.

You feel a mix of many different emotions: sadness, anger, frustration, and a little bit of hope. You can’t shake off the feeling that she’s being sincere when she says that she misses you. That she doesn’t want to be with anyone else, but she always had a new girl under her arm when you saw her. Your heart sinks again when you think about those girls. You don’t know why she always does that. She just acts like nothing happened between you two around other people. She acts like it didn’t mean anything to her. How can she act like this? Like you two never were together? Your thoughts and emotions are a whirlwind. You don’t know what to feel and even though your mind is racing, you feel tired.

She says she misses you but only talks to you when she's drunk or high, or both. The thought of her being drunk and high everytime she wants to talk to you is eating away at you.

She only approaches when she is not sober. She only talks to you when she is not in a sound mind. This realization makes you wonder, ‘Do these encounters have any real meaning?’ You’re in pain because you’re hoping that she actually misses you and these encounters have real meaning. You wish she came to you when she was sober and didn’t only talk to you when she was under the influence. You lie in your bed, trying to relax and trying to sleep. But you can’t shake off the feelings of sadness and disappointment that you still have. You try to keep your mind occupied, you try to tell yourself that you don’t need her, but you can’t hide the fact that your heart still hurts over the whole situation.

A few days later, you’re going about your life, but the thoughts of Ellie are still lingering in your mind. You feel like you can’t forget about her. It’s like something is missing in your life ever since she left. You try to fill that void with other people, but nothing really worked. You still think about her, and your thoughts always lead to sadness and longing. You tried talking to a girl for some time but you didn't really feel a connection. You’ve tried talking to other girls and going out a few times, but you didn’t really feel a connection with any of them either. They’re not like Ellie. They don’t give you that same type of happiness and excitement. They don’t make you feel the way Ellie did. You can’t help but feel disappointed every time you try to find someone new. Ellie always looked happy and content every time you saw her. She was never alone. Always with some random girl or with her friends that were a really bad influence on her. She missed you truly, and was sorry for what she put you through, but she was too proud to talk to you sober. She was too proud to even be seen talking to you altogether.

You are walking to class when you suddenly bump into someone. When you look up, you see Ellie. You’re shocked to see her. You don’t know what to say, so you just stare at her. Ellie is surprised to see you too, she also doesn’t know what to say. Both of you just stare at each other without saying anything, not sure what to do. You look away and continue walking. You don’t know what else to do. You don’t want to talk to her, but you’re also not sure how you would react if she came to talk to you. You can’t stop thinking about her, even though the whole interaction was only a few seconds. You feel disappointed with yourself because you couldn’t even have a conversation with her. You just walked away. Looking at her, only reminds you of the past relationship, a time where you were happy. But that’s all gone now. It hurts too much. She's gone, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can only move on. But even after all this time, it still hurts. Every time you look at her, you remember how much you loved her. And it just hurts so much. She looks at you as you walk away. She watches you from afar with a look of sadness and pain on her face. You can tell she was wishing that you stayed and talked to her. That you gave her hope that things could change. But you didn’t. You walked away from her without even saying a word. She’s left with the pain of knowing that you’re not coming back.

Later that night, you receive a text message from Ellie. You look at it with curiosity, but you also feel afraid about what she could text you about. Maybe she’s texting you to yell at you for not talking to her. Or, maybe she will just tell you that she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. You open the text message, not knowing what to expect. You read the text message from Ellie. “Can I talk to you? Like, right now?”

“Why? About what?” You respond, not really thinking it through.

She sends another text message. “Can you just come over so we can talk?” She seems desperate. She sounds like she’s feeling anxious too.

“Why should i? Just so you can hurt me some more?” You reply a few minutes later.

She replies quickly. She sounds really upset. “Please just come over. I really need to talk to you.”

You sigh and think for another few minutes. The thoughts of her hurting you again are going through your head. The sadness of the whole situation and the disappointment. You don’t want this whole situation to happen again. Yet, you also are filled with curiosity. What does she have to say?

“I'll be there in 30.” You respond, knowing this won’t go well.

About half an hour later, you’re at her house. You’ve been thinking about what she could have to say the whole walk there. She probably just wants to tell you that she wants nothing to do with you. Or something like that. Either way, you’re going to be hearing her say something disappointing again. You knock on the door. You’re a little nervous, but you’re expecting the worst, anyway. After a few seconds of waiting, the door opens. Ellie is standing behind the door staring at you. She hasn’t said a word. She is just staring at you, just like you are staring at her.

You stare at her in the eyes and for a few long seconds, none of you say a word. All you can think in your head is: “Just say something already, just get this over with.” Because you didn’t say anything, she stepped aside to let you come in. At this point you’re really starting to wish that you had just ignored her text. You’re starting to think that this whole thing might be a bigger deal than you thought. You step into her house and look around. Her house was always messy but this was more than messy, it was like a tornado went by. Cans of beer all over the counters, boxes of take out food, clothes everywhere. The silence between you two feels awkward and uncomfortable. You can’t stop thinking that your heart beats faster each time you think about what she wants to talk about.

You stand there waiting for her to say what she wanted to say. Ellie continues to stare at you with a pleading and sad look. For a few seconds, it feels like this moment will last forever. She still hasn’t said anything. She doesn’t explain why she wants to talk to you. But she just continues staring with that pleading look in her eyes. “Why did you want to talk to me?” You finally break the silence, asking this in an annoyed tone.

Ellie swallows and finally speaks: “I wanted to talk to you because…” She hesitates to continue speaking. It feels like she’s having a hard time getting her words out. But she knows she has to say something.

“I don't know why I came…” You whisper. Feeling disappointed in her and in yourself as well. She hears what you say and she looks down at her feet for a few seconds before she finally finds the courage. You watch in fascination as her cheeks get a little red and her body trembles slightly. “I…” She struggles to get her words out. She doesn’t know how to say it. So after a long pause, she suddenly blurts it out: “I miss you.”

“You always say that.” You look at her crossing your arms. She looks back at you with tears in her eyes now, she can barely look at you anymore. “I know, and I’m sorry. But I really missed you.” She sounds like she can’t believe you’re still there. She was so sure that you wouldn’t believe her, that you wouldn’t want anything to do with her anymore. She couldn’t stop wishing that you didn’t come. Because of how disappointed she is in herself. She is disappointed in herself that she hurt someone she genuinely loved.

You look at her and see her eyes are a bit red. She wipes away a few tears from her eyes and continues to look at you. You can see the sadness in her eyes. The sadness of someone who truly missed what you guys had. She can’t believe she threw it all away. She knows that everything she’s feeling, it’s her fault. She shouldn’t hurt people like this and she’s fully aware of it. Her heart hurts, because she knows she needs to do better. You look at the coffee table and at the blunt that she just put out on the ashtray. She looked at you and suddenly remembered that she’s not supposed to be smoking anymore. “It’s been tough on me... I miss you a lot and these cigs... they kinda help me, I guess.” You can hear the sadness in her voice. It’s like she’s asking you to understand. “I cant believe youre high again.” You pinch the bridge of your nose.

Her head jerks back a little and she raises her voice in defense when you accuse her of being high again. “I’m not high!” She says, but the way she says it makes her sound pretty guilty. She doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s not doing a very good job. Her eyes seem slightly hazy and the smell of pot is starting to linger in the air. You pick up your bag and start walking to the front door. You can't even look at her anymore. She watches as you do. She’s almost pleading with her eyes, hoping that you’d stay. She knows that she screwed up big time, and she’s desperate to fix it. She doesn’t know if you’ll forgive her and give her another chance. She’s just wishing that you’ll let her make it up to you. But you don’t stop walking and are about to leave.

You look at her one last time before opening the door. You can tell she wants you to say something. She wants you to turn around, she wants you to stay. But you don’t. You don’t say anything just like last time. You just leave, breaking this girl’s heart. She stares at the door for a few long seconds, hoping that you’ll return. That you wouldn’t leave her like this. But you do end up leaving and she is left alone, broken and hopeless. You close the door and start crying as you walk back home. The moment you close that door, you can feel something inside you break. You’re sad and heartbroken all over again. You cry the whole walk back home. The pain is overwhelming and it feels like your whole world is falling apart again. You don’t even remember crying this much when you two broke up. But that hurt in a different way, like she was tearing your heart out and throwing it away. Now, it feels like it hurts more because she cares about you still. That she really does want to fix what she threw away.

You get home and walk to your bedroom. You fall onto your bed, the thought of her weighing heavily on your mind. You lay down, thinking about everything that’s happened. You can’t stop thinking about how it seemed like she wanted to change, and yet, you gave her no chance. You didn’t take her invitation to fix things. The pain that you’re feeling is overwhelming, and you try not to cry. You hear your phone buzz and look at your screen. It’s a text message from Ellie. You pick it up and read it. “Please come back. We need to talk. I know I messed up and I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I really want to fix this and make up for what I did. Please just give me a chance. I love you.”

“If you did, you wouldn't text me when you're high, again.” You know that she was high, but you keep thinking about the words. “I love you.” You know that she was high, but you could see sadness in her eyes when you were at her place. She actually wanted to make things right. Sure, you’re disappointed in her for being high yet again. But you still feel something in those words, like she actually means what she said.

“If you really want to talk, then you come over. I'm not going there again.” You think about what she says. She wants you to come to her. She doesn’t want to come to you. She’s asking you to put in the effort again. Never her. Maybe she’s too insecure to come and see you because she might be afraid of being rejected. She is afraid that you might turn her away again. Maybe this time she’s trying to show how much she really wants to fix this. Maybe she’s trying to prove that she actually loves you. She replies back with: “Fine, I’ll come to you.” Your heart starts beating faster, not only because she’s coming over, but also because she actually agreed to come to you. The thought is making you anxious and nervous. The thought of actually seeing her again scares you. You’re not sure how things will go, but part of you is hoping that they end well. You are sitting on the couch, anxiously waiting. For the next few seconds every noise you hear makes you jump, thinking it’s her. Your heart beats fast, your stomach is filled with butterflies. You can’t stop checking the time, feeling like every second an eternity.

You hear a knock on the door. Your heart suddenly starts beating even faster. Your body trembles slightly, and your mouth starts to dry. You get up and hesitantly walk over to the door. You twist the handle and open the door slowly. You see Ellie standing there. She’s staring at you with a look of remorse and sadness. You can tell she’s really nervous. You step out of the way and let her in. You walk back over to the couch and sit down, still feeling anxious and nervous. When she closes the door and comes inside, she walks over and sits next to you on the couch. She sits quite close, her arm almost touching yours. You just can't look at her, you just wait for her to talk. The silence between you two feels awkward and uncomfortable. You’re too nervous to look at her, you feel a wave of anxiety wash over you as you wait for her to speak. She’s sitting directly next to you, almost touching your arm with hers, and yet she’s quiet, waiting for you to be the one to start talking.

You scoot a bit further away from her, so you two are not so close anymore. She notices that you move away from her, but she doesn’t comment on it. Instead, she just stares at you, waiting for you to say something. Your lack of eye contact is making her feel insecure and nervous. She can feel the walls you built up between you two starting to rebuild higher and higher. The silence gets too much for her and she finally says something: “I’m so sorry for what I did... for hurting you like I did. I was being stupid, and I didn’t realize how much my actions would hurt you.” She sounds really remorseful and like she means every word of what she’s saying. She’s really taking accountability for her actions and seems genuinely sorry.

The fact that she finally took responsibility for her actions and is actually apologizing to you is making you feel really emotional. You can feel the tears forming in your eyes, but you still can’t look at her. She just told you how much she hurt you, but at the same time you’re reminded of how much you still care about her. “You treated me like shit.” You say as you start crying. Ellie looks away from you when you bring up the way she treated you. She knows that she deserves it and that she screwed up. “I know, I know I did. I’m sorry, I really am. I truly didn’t realize how much I hurt you. I was being stupid and selfish.”

“At least you're admitting it…” You say in a disappointed tone. She doesn’t even fight back. She doesn’t even try to justify what she did. She truly is taking responsibility for her actions. She knows she hurt you badly and is taking it all in. She is just hoping that you’ll forgive her eventually. “I know that I screwed up, and this might not mean much coming from me, but I just want to try again. I just want us to try and fix this.”

“I still don't understand why you started treating me that way.” You say with a trembling voice. Ellie looks at you, finally making eye contact, and tries to answer your question. “I guess... I guess the reason I started treating you that way was because I didn’t realize how much I valued our relationship. When I first broke up with you, I thought I wasn’t going to miss you or be hurt, but it hit me way harder than I expected it to. I know you still have every right to be frustrated with me, but I hope you can understand that I didn’t mean to hurt you that badly.”

“But the worst thing was when I found out you were cheating on me. I can't forgive that.” You say, reliving the moment when you found out in your head. Ellie looks away when you bring up the betrayal of the cheating. You can tell she truly feels bad about it. “I know... I know I really screwed up with that. And I get it if you can’t forgive me for that either. I guess... I don’t really want to make excuses, but I was just so lost in the world of partying and going out, that my thoughts weren’t very clear. I didn’t really think about anyone but myself, and I regret that decision more than you can imagine.”

Your tears immediately bring out a look of sadness and guilt from Ellie. As soon as she notices that you’re crying, she grabs your face. She wipes your tears with her thumbs and looks you in the eyes. “Please don’t cry, I’m so sorry. I’ll do anything to make things right between us. Just give me a chance.” You cover your face with your hands and continue to cry. She can’t stand to see you like this. She wipes away your tears again and pulls you into a hug. She holds you tightly, not letting go. “Please, please don’t cry... I know what I did was horrible, and I’m so sorry, but I’ll do anything to make this right. Just please tell me there’s still a chance for us.”

“I don't know, I have to think.” Ellie lets go of you when you say that. She seems like she finally realized the full gravity of her actions and how badly she messed up. She gets quiet, waiting for you to respond to her question. “Please, take your time. I don’t expect you to just forgive me immediately. Just, please let me try to fix this. I really do love you.”

“That's the hard part, because I really cared about you.” You say, still crying. She stares at you for a few seconds without saying anything, letting the silence linger between you two. She wants to say something but is not sure how to say it. Your words are hitting too close to home, and she’s really starting to feel bad and sad about everything that has happened. “I know, I know... I really did treat you terribly, and I never thought about how much you actually cared about me. I was so blinded by my selfishness that I didn’t realize how much I’d hurt you.” You look at her with tear filled eyes. She looks back at you with a look of pure sadness and remorse. She feels terrible for hurting you so badly. The fact that she did so much damage to you is eating her alive. You two are silent for a few moments and she continues to stare at you tearfully, wishing she had the ability to make everything right.

You hug your legs to your chest trying to find some comfort and calm your anxiety. She watches as you hug your legs, realizing that this is how she’s made you feel all this time. She has destroyed and hurt you so deeply and broke your trust. She’s made you feel like you can’t even take comfort in her. She tries to put a hand on your leg and comfort you but you pull your leg away instinctively, rejecting her. She can see by your reaction that you’re truly hurt and devastated. She’s really starting to regret everything. “I need time to think Ellie, can you please leave now?” You ask her, still crying. She stops trying to touch you, realizing that you aren’t ready to forgive her yet. Instead, she nods and looks down at the ground. She’s still feeling so much sadness and regret, but she respects your wishes. “Okay, I understand... I really do. Just... just take your time, and think about it... please.” She stands up and walks over to the door, pulling it open slowly.

You look at her as she walks. She looks back at you, wanting to make one last apology.

“I know you’re angry, and I get it. I really do. Just... just take it easy.” She takes one last look at you and then walks out, closing the door behind her. You start sobbing as soon as she walks out. It’s like everything is crashing down around you. You sit on the couch for a bit and keep sobbing. The pain you’re feeling is unbearable. Like you can’t function without her. Like you need her. You’ve been so hurt and betrayed by her, but that love is still there. You still love her. You decide to go to bed, and after a long day like this one, it’s not too hard to fall asleep. Your body is exhausted physically and mentally, you just want to sleep and pretend like everything is okay. You fall asleep soon after. 

A few days pass, and you still can't seem to get her out of your mind. But you haven’t heard from her at all, and you don’t know what to think. You’ve been feeling depressed and lonely, not being able to stop thinking about her and the whole situation. You were at home after a long day of boring classes. Your phone buzzes in your pocket. And as you notice the vibration, you take it out of your pocket and see who has messaged you. It’s Ellie. “I know it’s only been a few days, but I’ve been thinking about what happened quite a bit. Can I come over and talk to you again?”

You take a few minutes to think about it and eventually decide to say yes. You message her back, saying, “Yes, you can come over, and we can talk.” You were watching TV when Ellie texted you. You start feeling more and more anxious and nervous, and you can’t even focus on the show you’re watching anymore. Your heart is beating faster, and you feel all the feelings from before, coming back in waves.

You hear a knock at your door and your stomach starts to flutter. You can tell that it’s Ellie because of how familiar her knock is. Your heart is beating so fast and you’re starting to feel nervous and anxious again. You get up and walk over to your front door. You can hear your heartbeat in your ear and a wave of butterflies in your stomach. You take a deep breath, open the door, and see her standing there, looking like she’s feeling just as nervous as you.

“Come in.” You say as you get out of the way. She quickly steps inside and looks at you. She looks a bit more relaxed now that she has arrived at your house, but she’s still a bit anxious. You close the door behind her and she looks around the room. She seems eager to talk now that she is here with you.

You walk back over to the couch and sit back down. Her attitude has changed a bit now that she is inside the house and feels more relaxed. She still looks like she has a lot to talk about and she seems excited to have this conversation. You look at her waiting for her to talk. She looks back at you and takes a deep breath. She seems like she’s been preparing for this conversation for a while, and she’s ready to finally get it all out in the open. “I know it’s only been a few days and I said that I was going to give you some time, but I really wanted to come back over as soon as I could. I know that you’re probably still mad and upset, but I just needed to talk to you again. ”You look up at her as she continues.“I wanted to take some time to really think about everything that happened... about everything I did. I just kept blaming everything on external factors, and I never really held myself accountable for what I did. But now, I’m not doing that anymore. I should’ve thought about how much I hurt you, and I should’ve taken into consideration what our relationship meant to you. I’ve been selfish and self-centered. And I’m really going to try and change that.”

You look up at her, taking in her words. She continues to talk, really pouring her heart out. “I also want you to know how truly sorry I am for what I did. I broke your trust, and the fact that you can’t even look me in the eye anymore is just a painful reminder of how much you distrust me now. I really want to fix this, and if it takes time for you to forgive me, I will wait.” You tear up as she talks, She looks at you, noticing that you’re tearing up and she starts to get really nervous. “Please... please don’t cry. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I really do need it. I did so much to hurt you, and I need you to let me back in your life. You’re so important to me, and I need you to know that I will never hurt you again.”

“You better not.” You say looking away from her. She gives you a solemn nod. “I promise I will never hurt you again. I understand that you need time to heal and to trust me, but when you are ready, please let me back in. I’m willing to do anything and everything to make this work again.” You look at her not sure what to say. She looks back at you, not expecting you to say anything back. You’re both feeling a lot of things right now, so she understands that it’s hard to even have any words to reply with. She takes a deep breath and looks at you. "Can I ask you something?" She takes another deep breath before asking the question, trying to prepare herself for your answer. “Can you... can you tell me if you think there's still a chance for us?”

“Maybe, I don't know…” You respond with a trembling voice. You still love her but you don't know if you can do this all over again. Her face immediately lights up with a spark of hope hearing those words. She realizes that you still consider a chance. She smiles and looks away. “That’s all I needed to hear. I just need to know that there’s some sort of chance. I know it might take a lot of time and effort for you to forgive me, and I will take every action necessary to prove to you that I can be trustworthy again.”

Your body relaxes slightly. She notices that your body has relaxed a bit, which makes her feel better. She’s glad that she at least had a slightly more positive impact than she anticipated. She looks back at you and she really starts to feel hope. “I really want this to work. You were always so good to me, too good even, and I took it for granted, but I’ll never take it for granted again, if you give me another chance.” She notices that you still have a sad expression, which makes her feel bad. She wants nothing more than to make you happy, but she knows that this might take some time. So she just keeps talking to you. She hopes that hearing the right words will make you smile and forgive her. “I know I don’t deserve another chance, but please, please I’m begging you to just give me one more. We can take all the time we need, just as long as we end up together again. "

“Let's see what time holds.” You say in a low tone, out of energy. She nods, accepting your answer. It’s not the immediate yes she wanted, but it’s still a good sign. She feels a little bit better inside. “Okay, I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as I need to. I know I screwed up badly, and that it won’t be an easy thing to earn back your trust. But I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

You look away from her and lean back into the couch thinking of everything she has said. After a few minutes you ask her without looking at her, “Wanna watch a movie or something?” You didn't want to talk anymore but you didn't want her to go just yet either. She lights up as soon as you make the movie comment. She hadn’t thought about watching a movie with you or with anyone for a while. “Oh my god, yes. Please, I would love to watch a movie together. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, just relax with you and watch something we both enjoy.”

“Okay then.” You pick up the remote and put something on. She gets a smile on her face as you pick up the remote and turn on the tv. She leans back on the couch and gets comfortable as she watches what you put on. It’s the first time in a while that she’s just been able to relax and do something simple with you. You can't really look at her so you just watch the TV. She notices that you won't look at her, and she wonders why. She tries not to think too hard about it, and she keeps watching the TV as well. She also notices that your mood has lightened a little bit since she walked in. Maybe you’re starting to forgive her or starting to consider giving her another chance. She smiles as she hears you laughing at the movie’s jokes. It makes her feel good to see you look like you are in a better mood, and she also can’t help but smile. She really missed this. Her mood has lightened as well, and she feels less anxious, now that she’s sitting next to you again, in your living room, watching a movie. The movie ends and you guys sit in silence for a little while, just taking in the movie and the atmosphere around you. She eventually breaks the silence by looking over at you and asking: “What did you think?”

“I liked it, had some good jokes.” You smile slightly. Her face lights up when you tell her that you liked it. She agrees, saying that it had good jokes. She then asks, “Do you want to watch another one?”

“You choose this time.” You give her the remote. Your hands briefly touch each others as you pass her the remote. She takes it from you and starts browsing through the available titles. She’s not sure what to pick, but she wants to ensure that you both enjoy this one as well. She decides on a comedy, and she presses the button to start playing. You sit back and try to relax as the movie starts. She sits back as well, trying to relax. She’s not sure if you’re fully relaxed yet, but she wants to make it that way. She watches the film with you, trying to watch it and not thinking too much. Just wanting to enjoy being in this space with you again, even if it’s only as friends. You shift positions into a more comfortable one. She notices that you’ve shifted into a more comfortable position. She also notices that you haven’t really been looking at her at all, and she’s still wondering why. But she doesn’t let her thoughts distract her too much from watching the movie. She tries to focus on enjoying the moment and not over analyzing everything. The movie ends and you look up at her. She notices your eyes on her and she looks right back at you. She can still see that you’re a bit uncomfortable, like you haven’t forgiven her yet. But she doesn’t let it get her too down, and she focuses on the fact that you’re still sitting by her and you haven’t asked her to leave yet.

“It's getting a bit late…” You say looking at your phone. She looks at the time and is surprised that so much time has gone by already. “Oh god, you’re right, it’s kind of late.” She says with a yawn.

“I should go to bed. Talk tomorrow?” You say, as you look slightly in her direction. She nods and smiles. “Yeah, let’s talk tomorrow. You get some rest, and let’s talk things over again tomorrow. Okay?”

“Okay.” You get up from the couch and open the door for her to leave and go home. She gets a small smile on her face and walks to the door. “Okay, thank you for letting me come back over. Hopefully, we can talk again tomorrow.” She stops at the door and looks back at you, waiting for you to let her out. “Good night.” She walks away and she closes the door behind her. She’s glad that you’re still willing to talk, and that you let her come back. For now she’s just going to return home, get ready for bed and try to get some rest. She hopes that she will see you tomorrow. You both get some rest and head to bed. The next morning, she wakes up early and starts getting ready for the day. She hopes that she can talk to you again and make this whole thing a little bit better. She wants nothing more than to put this drama behind you two and get back to the way things used to be.

The next day you go to class as normal. She goes to class as well, and after it’s over she decides she is going to wait for you outside the door so that she can talk to you as soon as you walk out. She hopes that you’re still willing to at least listen to her. You see her standing just by the door, waiting for you to exit. She notices you and waves at you to come over to her so that you two can talk a bit. She’s hoping that you’ll be willing to hear her out again and continue the conversation you had started yesterday. “Hi…” You say shyly. She waves at you and says, “Hi. Is it okay if we talk for a bit?”

“Sure.”, You two start walking. She walks beside you, not expecting you to be too eager. She’s just happy that you let her talk to you. She notices that you still can’t really look her in the eyes. “Can I ask you something first, just before we go?" She takes a deep breath. “Do you think we can still make this work out? Do you think that eventually you will be able to forgive me?"

“I'm not sure, Ellie, I still feel very hurt. But I don't think it is an impossibility.” You say shrugging your shoulders. She nods, feeling a bit relieved but also somewhat disheartened to hear your response. She knows that there is still a chance, but she also knows that it will take a lot of time for you to heal and to trust her again. “I know it will take time. I just needed to know that there is a chance. I know how much I hurt you, and it’s not because I didn’t care. I did care, more than anything else, but I screwed up anyway.”

“Let's not talk about those things now, okay?” You give her a small smile. She smiles back at you and nods in agreement. “All right, we don’t have to talk about those things right now.”

“Could I ask you one more thing, though? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to."

“What is it?” You ask as you walk. “I noticed that you haven’t really looked at me very much recently. Not to sound paranoid or anything, but is it because you’re trying to avoid my eyes? Is it also because of what happened?”

“I'm just not used to being with you now, I guess. It's been a long time.” You say with sincerity but that's not the only reason. She nods and thinks about your response for a moment before replying. ”I’ll try not to read too much into it. It just hurt me a little to not see you at least looking at me occasionally. But I also understand that maybe it’s just strange for you to see me again. We haven’t seen each other for a while after all.” You two walk and sit outside on a bench together. She sits down beside you on the bench and looks at you, waiting for you to say something. “We’re still talking, and that’s a good sign. Can I ask you one more personal question?”

“Yes?” You reply a bit anxious. She gets a little nervous as she realizes how personal the question she’s going to ask really is. “It is kind of weird. It’s something you really don’t have to answer if you don't want to.”

“Okay…” You respond cautiously. She takes another deep breath before asking the question. “Do you still have feelings for me? Or did you completely lose them?”

“i ... “ You got nervous as she asked it. “I think there's still something there…” You say almost in a whisper. She notices that you get a little bit nervous when she asked the question, and in response she puts her hand over yours. “I’m not asking because I want an immediate yes or no answer. If you need more time, then you can have it. I just need to know, please. Do you have any feelings left for me?” You can feel her calloused hands that you have been missing so much these past months. The size difference between your hands compared to hers is quite funny. Yours almost looks like a childs. You look at her hand on yours. “I think there's still something there…” You say quietly, but loud enough for her to hear. You continue to look down at your hands and her tattoo on her right forearm. She smiles slightly and squeezes your hand. “I’m really glad to hear that. I know this will take time, but I really didn’t want you to completely lose all those feelings. You can take all the time you need, but I’m glad we both know that you haven’t given up on us yet." You give her a shy smile. She smiles back at you, relieved. She didn’t want this whole thing to be a lost cause, and knowing that you still have feelings for her, even if they’ve faded a bit, is enough to make her at least feel a little bit better. She leans over close to you in an attempt to lighten the mood. “See? You still have a soft spot for me.”

“Don't get too cocky now.” You say playfully. She laughs slightly in response to your playful comment. 

“Okay okay, I might have assumed too much. But you have to admit, there is still something here between us. You haven’t walked away and you’re still willing to talk to me. That means something.”

“I guess it does.” You look up at her. She glances up at you again, enjoying this little moment between the two of you. “Yeah, it definitely does. I’m glad that I still mean something to you.” You hold her hand back. She feels your hand grasping hers. She enjoys the feeling of your hand in hers, even just for a bit. She then squeezes your hand a little, trying to show you how much she wants to be with you. “Even though we’re not back together, this doesn’t feel so bad either, does it? We’re getting closer every day.”

You lean your head on her shoulder slowly. She feels your head on her shoulder and she feels a rush of affection. She really loves feeling close to you. She puts her arm around you, holding you tightly. It feels so good to have you back where she wants you. “I love that you’re leaning on me. I guess we are getting closer after all.” You close your eyes and just enjoy the moment for a bit. When you close your eyes, she takes this as an opportunity to get even closer. And so, she pulls you a little more towards her, and her arm wraps around your shoulders, pulling you so that your bodies are touching. She still doesn’t want to push it too far, but she really wants to feel closer to you at this moment. You get butterflies as she pulls you closer. She can feel your heartbeat through your body, beating so rapidly and so strongly. She’s so close to you, she can smell your scent and it makes her feel butterflies too. She doesn’t say anything, she just wants to soak this moment in and enjoy being this close to you.

A few weeks later you were hanging out at her place. You have been getting along quite well and she hadn't messed up anything yet. You had gone out together a few times, studied together, hung out like you used to, gone on “dates”' with her, as she liked to call them. She was really putting in the effort this time. You had had a few really great days, with your time together becoming more frequent and more intimate. Just being close to her felt good, like you two used to feel. She had even started to open up a little as well. You had been taking things slow and it was going well. You still felt some pain when you thought of the past. But you can't deny that you want to go a little further with her. You're just a bit scared to make a move. You sit next to her on the couch, cuddling up to her as you watch a movie together.

You hold her hand. She feels your hand taking hers, wrapping around it tightly. She can still feel those butterflies in her stomach from just being with you. She doesn't reply in words, instead just simply squeezing your hand. It feels comforting to have you holding her hand again. You smile a bit not looking at her but at the TV. She notices that you're looking straight ahead, never taking your eyes off the screen. She finds this cute, but she decides to try to distract you just a little. With her other hand she starts to rub the palm of your hand. The rubbing of her thumb starts to lightly stroke your palm a little. You feel the butterflies appearing once more. The slight rubbing of her thumb against the palm of your hand seems to have an effect. You can feel your heart beating a little faster, so you know that those butterflies are definitely there. She smiles a little as she continues to rub your palm, wanting to see if she can make the butterflies keep coming back. She also wants to see how long until you're not able to resist her touch. You lean your head on her shoulder as you watch the movie. She smiles as you lean your head on her shoulder, she has a feeling that you're getting more and more comfortable with her again. She continues to rub your palm with her thumb, wanting to keep those butterflies around for just a little while longer.

You chuckle at the funny scene on the screen. She also lets off a little laugh as the movie scene plays out. As she laughs she continues to rub the palm of your hand a bit, wanting to keep that feeling of butterflies for as long as she can. You hold her hand a little tighter, She feels your squeeze and she smiles a little as a response. She continues to rub her thumb against the palm of your hand. It feels so nice to be so close to you again, she just wants to stay like this. As the movie ends you don't move, and neither does she. You just sit there, with your bodies pressed up next to each other. You can feel the heat coming from her and it just makes you feel so comfortable. She's waiting for you to say something, or to do something. This might be the perfect moment for you to take the next step in your reconciliation. It's all up to you. You nuzzle into her neck a bit more. As you nuzzle into her neck, she smiles and wraps her other arm around you. You can feel the warmth of her body and she feels the warmth of yours as well. It's a very calming and relaxing feeling to be close to her like this again. You're just enjoying having her like this, just the two of you, sitting, nuzzling, and enjoying each others' company.

“I missed this…” You say quietly. She smiles when she hears you say those words. It just makes her feel so happy knowing that you like being this close to her again. “I did miss this as well.” She says quietly, then she pulls you even closer and kisses your neck lightly. She’s waiting to see how you’ll respond to this, hoping that you’ll like it and that it’ll make you happy. You feel a bit caught off guard by the neck kiss. She can feel your body reacting to it and tensing up a bit, and it makes her feel so proud. You had been taking things a little slowly up to this point, but this feels like the next right step. This seems like a natural way for the two of you to have physical intimacy, and she can feel that you’re enjoying it. She pulls you a little bit closer still, wanting to get even closer to you. You look up at her a bit confused.

She sees you look up at her and she smiles at you. Her smile seems more genuine than before. She keeps kissing your neck lightly and slowly, not wanting to go too fast, but she knows what you like and where you like to be touched. She wants to make this experience as pleasurable for you as possible. You giggle as the kisses are tickling your neck. She smiles at your giggle, finding it incredibly cute. She likes making you happy, and so she continues the kisses on your neck, still waiting to see if you want more or if you want her to stop. It starts to feel like more than just mere innocent kisses as she continues. She keeps going, wanting to see how far she can take this before you pull back. She doesn’t want to go all the way and take this too far if you're not comfortable, but she wants to get to a point where she can feel confident that you’re as comfortable with this as she is with you.

You start to blush a bit. She notices this new development as you start to blush. She takes this as a positive sign that you’re liking what she’s doing and that’s really what matters to her. She keeps kissing along your neck, and then moves to softly kissing your cheeks and cheek bone. She wants you to feel this intimacy and closeness, and it feels amazing for her as well. You close your eyes as you feel her lips on your skin. She takes note of the fact that you’ve closed your eyes, and this makes her feel amazing. That you’re now so comfortable with her and your intimacy that you’ve closed your eyes for her. It makes her feel more confident, and also more loving and caring. She moves her hands to your shoulders, wanting to pull you in as tightly as possible so that it’s just the two of you sharing this moment together. You hold her as well. You wrap your arms around her as she pulls you in. You two are holding each other, cuddling up tight as you both soak in this intimate moment. She can feel the heat from your body, and it feels so amazing. She’s enjoying this as much as you are. At this point she’s not sure how much further you want this to go, but she’s enjoying every bit of being close to you again, and she’s not in a rush. The two of you stay close together for quite awhile, as she just enjoys this moment with you. It feels nice to be this close, as well as to have this level of intimacy. The two of you are truly starting to connect again, and feel like it’s the beginning of your reconciliation. Although she’s not rushing this, she also is not opposed to taking things a bit further if that’s what you want. She also knows that you probably would want to at some point, by your body language. You give her a quick peck on the cheek and lean back on her shoulder. She smiles as you give her a kiss on the cheek, and as you lean your head on her shoulder again. At this point she’s not sure just how much intimacy you want, but she will allow you to test just where your limits are. She rubs her fingers around your shoulders gently in an attempt to make you feel completely loved and cherished.

“I missed feeling like this…” You say feeling the warmth of her touch. She smiles a little at that. She liked knowing that she was able to make you feel these warm and loving feelings again. “So did I. I’ve missed being this close to you, I’ve missed feeling this kind of intimacy with you.” Her words warm your heart. She knows that the words she’s saying are things you truly want to hear. She keeps giving you words of love and affection, wanting to make you feel even more reassured about the fact that things really are okay between the two of you again. After a bit you sit back up straight, and stretch from the position you had been in, watching the movie. She notices your stretching and decides to sit up as well. She had loved having you so close, but she could see that you were getting a little bit uncomfortable after being in that position for so long. She then looks at you, not sure what to say next or if there’s anything that needs to be said at all. You sit facing her on the couch, not sure what to say. The two of you have been quiet for a bit now, just sitting there on the couch with nothing to say. She feels that this moment might be a little bit awkward, so she decides to break the silence. “So what should we do now?” She asks, deciding to switch back to one of your usual topics of conversation.

“You still have mario kart?” You ask, smiling. She smiles back when you bring up Mario Kart and says, “I do actually. I had it brought over when I was moving to campus. Do you really want to play Mario Kart with me?” She says this in a joking manner, but she’s really not joking. That was something the two of you had done many times together back in your relationship, and she’d love to do it again if you’re up for it. “I'll win, you'll see.” You say looking at her with a smug face. She laughs a little at your cocky attitude, but she also really likes it. She can’t deny that your confidence makes her even more attracted to you, even in this playful way. “Oh yeah? You think you could beat me?” She asks you with a playful grin. “I know I can.” You nudge her slightly. She smiles when you nudge her and replies, “Oh no, you did not just say that. You wanna put your money where your mouth is then? I will own you in Mario Kart.”

“Put the game on then…” You look at her teasingly. She takes that as the challenge that it is, and pulls out the game cartridge, and puts it into the console where she then turns the system on. She then selects multiplayer and gets the set-up ready. “You ready to lose?” She asks you with a playful grin, waiting for you to take the controller and get this going. “Are you ready to get absolutely destroyed?” You reply with a smirk on your face. She laughs at your confidence and replies, “Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure if I were you. Have you seen me play Mario Kart? I can be quite formidable.”

“I think you are forgetting my skills.” You say in a teasing manner. She smirks at your comment, feeling even more confident in her skills than before. “Are you saying that you’ve got more or better skills than I do? Because I highly doubt that.”

“Let's see then.” The race starts. When the race starts she smiles at you. She hits the gas and starts to speed up, and before too long she moves ahead of you in first place. It’s just the first lap, but she’s already off to a strong start. You throw turtles at her and get in the first place yourself. She feels one of the turtle shells hit her as you overtake her, and she ends up falling back to second place. She doesn’t let this slow her down though, and she does what she can to gain back the first spot. She still sees that there’s no way you would be able to maintain this pace, which is giving her hope. She’s not going to lose this just yet. On the last lap you were neck-to-neck. You and her battle this final lap, back and forth as you take the lead, and then she overtakes you. It almost seems like this race is being played at a constant, neck-to-neck position. She’s getting slightly more nervous now, but she doesn’t let that show. She’s determined to win this race. You drive over a speed boost and pass her, winning the race at the last minute. She can’t believe it, she tried so hard only to have you take the win at the last possible second. She feels a little betrayed, even though she knows she should just be happy for you. She doesn’t say anything as you finish ahead of her, just trying to keep her composure and trying to not let her pride and ego get the best of her.

“And now who's the better player?” You look at her teasingly. She smiles at this but can’t help but be annoyed that you’re right about being the better player. “I hate you.” She says half jokingly, but she doesn’t let this take away from the fact that she loves your confidence. “No you don't.” You get a bit closer to her. She gets a bit embarrassed when you get so close, but it still makes her happy. “Maybe not, you are a pretty good player.” She says teasingly, but she can’t deny that you really are a good player indeed.

“Wasn't so hard to admit, was it?” You say in a teasing way, getting closer to her face whilst looking at her. She feels her heart beating faster when you come even closer to her own face, and it makes her blush lightly. “No, I guess it wasn't so hard.” She admits, being fully aware that you are teasing her in a playful way, which she finds to be quite humorous. You continue to look her in the eyes. She can’t help but keep looking into your eyes too, feeling very close and comfortable with you. This was something she very much enjoyed, that intimate, closeness of being face-to-face with you like this. You start feeling the butterflies again as you look at her. Your eyes speak volumes as you look at each other. She feels the connection between you two is growing more and more as you continue to look at her like this. She notices that your heart rate seems to be increasing, as well as how you can’t stop looking at her. This is an incredibly intimate moment, with that mix of nerves due to how fast your heart rate is increasing. She's enjoying this though, seeing you become so affected by her and the closeness between you two. You shake your head and sit back straight looking at the TV. She sees that you’re now sitting straight and looking away. She feels a bit bad that she might’ve been a little bit too close and maybe overwhelmed you. She decides to sit back a bit from you, just so that you’re not feeling like she’s taking it too far too soon. She’s not trying to move too fast, so she backs away just a little.

“Want a rematch?” You look at her with a smile after a few seconds. She laughs when you ask about a rematch, but she’s not opposed to it. “Oh, so if I beat you, will you admit that I’m better?” She says with a laugh, not taking your challenge too seriously.

“I'm going to win again, you'll see.” You had a smirk on your face as you said it. She smiles at your confidence, feeling very amused by you and enjoying this playful side you’re showing. “Oh is that so? Well, let's just see about that then.” She says, ready to beat you during this rematch.

The rematch starts, and you and her are neck to neck the whole way through it once again, each of you taking the lead only for the other one to take the lead from the other again. But before too long, you manage to secure yourself the number one position, pulling ahead by just a little bit and beating her out the race once more. You laugh as you win, looking at her. “How does it feel to lose?” You tease her playfully. She laughs back at this, feeling a little bit frustrated that she’s lost twice in a row now. “Not great, I’ll admit. I had hoped I’d do a little better, but it seems you’ve got me beat.” She admits, still trying to keep her cool.

“I do, don't I?” You get closer to her again. As you get closer to her she feels a more intense feeling of butterflies rushing through her. It’s that same feeling of closeness that she felt a few minutes ago. “Yes, you really do. You’re an extremely good player, I have to admit.” She says, continuing to speak with a bit of humor in her voice.

“I’m the best really…” You say teasingly. She laughs. “Oh, you're the best? That's quite egotistical of you, don't you think?” She says in a bit of a teasing manner as well. You look at her with a teasing look in your eyes. She looks back at you, seeing the look on your eyes. She thinks it’s very cute, and she smiles at the sight. She can’t help but feel that happy with you being so close to her, and that playful look in your eyes, it’s making her feel slightly flustered.

“Oh are you blushing now?” You tease her again. She sees that you noticed her slight blush and feels a bit embarrassed, but she keeps quiet about this. She decides to just play along with you, keeping a teasing tone as well. “Maybe I am blushing a little, but I just can’t help it when I'm this close to you.”

“I'm irresistible, I know.” You look her dead in the eyes with a smile. She feels like her heart is racing as she stares back at you. It honestly doesn’t feel like she can tear her eyes away from yours. She’s feeling that same feeling of butterflies rushing throughout her, but this intense look between you two also adds another layer to this. She can feel herself get a bit more flustered. “See? You can't even answer me anymore.” You hold her chin speaking in a lower voice. The way you are now holding her chin just makes everything even more intense for her. The low voice and the way you’re looking at her makes her feel slightly breathless. She can’t find the words to speak back, as her heart races all that much faster now. You get slightly closer to her, “Cat got your tongue?”

She feels like her heart is going 120 miles per hour as you get ever so close to her. She can’t speak a single word, and can barely breathe even. Your voice is making it hard for her to focus on anything else but you and how close you are right now. She’s just staring back at you, not knowing what to do or say to this. “Maybe I should check if your tongue is still there…” You look at her lips and then at her eyes again. Her eyes widen when she realizes that you may be thinking about kissing her. She gets so flustered when you mention even the possibility of it. It’s like all her thoughts are blocked up whenever she thinks about kissing you. She tries to find her voice again but just can’t think of any reply to this. She feels her face get even hotter and more flushed the more she imagines you kissing her.

You look at her for a few more seconds before kissing her hard and pull your body to hers instantaneously, completely losing yourself in the moment when your lips touched hers. The first second of contact is an indescribable feeling. The next thing she knows, you’re pulling her into you, and she feels all of you pressed up against her while your lips are locking with hers. The sensation is overwhelmingly hot, and there’s nothing she could do to get herself out of this. She was lost in you, and she loves this feeling. You hold her face firmly as you kiss her. She feels the warmth of your lips on hers, and all thought is suddenly completely blocked out, leaving room only for pure emotion. This kiss was hot, and she didn’t want it to end any time soon. She was feeling that intense feeling of pure connection, and she just wanted more of you, she couldn’t get enough of it. As you pull her into you, she also moves her hands to your body, and your bodies become intertwined as you both feel the warmth between you two. You can feel her hands moving up and down, exploring every single inch of your skin.

Lost in the moment you straddle her on the couch, continuing to kiss her like there's no tomorrow. It’s like nothing else mattered at this moment aside from the two of you. The intensity that was rising from inside both of you made every moment a pure, unadulterated experience. She didn’t know anything anymore other than the passion that was exploding all over her. She could feel the heat inside her rising with each kiss, and as you straddled her she couldn’t have cared what anyone or anything thought of this moment that she was so lost in. You hold her hair back as you pull her in for another kiss. There’s something so intoxicating about the way you kiss her, and she can’t get enough of you. There’s nothing else that matters anymore, just you and her. Her face is so hot from the passion of this intense moment between two people who were once separated by so much, but now they couldn’t be any more connected in this moment together.

As the tension builds up you take your top off. Her breath catches at the sight of you pulling it off. Her eyes are completely locked on you, watching every single layer of clothing come off of you. The sight of this is making the heat inside her feel all the more intense. Her mouth waters at the notion of how much closer you two will become. You look at her after taking it off and go back to kissing her. She feels that same intense feeling inside of her again as she watches you take off your top that was between you two. She feels her breath catch again, as it makes the moment even more intense and much hotter. It’s almost as if her body is completely unable to do anything else other than kiss you and feel the overwhelming feelings flooding through her. You start feeling your core heating up as you two make out. You had wanted this for so long and now you just couldn't stop. Your brain could only think of one thing: Ellie. 

You feel her hands on your waist and you get shivers. Her hands continue to move up and down your body, making your entire body shiver. It’s like she has this powerful control over you, and you're entirely being taken over by these intense feelings. She does suddenly get that feeling of wanting to be the one in control. She moves herself onto you and she feels that same sort of control surge through her. She’s now straddling you and leaning down to kiss you again. You look up at her as she takes control. She makes sure to maintain eye contact with you as she holds you with her weight and kisses you passionately. The control really does feel like it's hers now, and she’s taking no chances of losing it again. She’s going to stay in control as long as she can, since it feels that much more fun to be taking the lead. 

You suddenly remember the way you two interacted behind closed doors. Especially in the bedroom. The power dynamic between you two used to be very intense and you loved it. Your heart starts to race as you see her behavior change so drastically. She manages to pick you up from the couch, and she puts you down on her bed, not letting go of your body the entire time. This moment has never felt more intense. Her control is now so much more powerful this way, and she feels so good being the one to be taking charge of the situation. You look up at her after she throws you on the bed. She stares down at you, looking at you very intensely that she has you under her complete control in the bed. Her expression is that of someone who intends to have her way. There was nothing she wouldn’t do to get this moment exactly how she wanted it to be.

She takes off her t-shirt to let her body feel the open air of this moment. Her eyes are still locked on you as she begins to take off your shorts. She does this very slowly and passionately, keeping an intense stare at you the entire time. You look at her not being able to get your eyes off of hers. She seems to be enjoying this power dynamic that the two of you have. She missed having you at her mercy. She’s taking as much time as she wants with you, so she can see every inch of your body. She’s not moving as quickly as she would normally, but she wants this moment to last as long as the two of you want.

At each moment she grew more and more dominant, she was enjoying this feeling very much, knowing that you were completely hers. She enjoyed the feeling of having someone under her complete control so much, she would love to keep it going just a little bit longer. She gets on top of you, pressing herself right between your legs, keeping her weight on top of you. She feels very dominant in this position, feeling that same intense feeling of butterflies inside her from before. She can see how much this is affecting you, and feels a little bit of a rush from this feeling of power. You are feeling very turned on by her. The way you felt before she got on top of you was just the beginning of how much more you would feel. Not only do you feel the dominance of her, but also the intensity of her body pressed up against yours. She was feeling very hot laying on top of you like this, and she enjoyed how much it seemed to be turning you on. The friction on your crotch is starting to make you go insane.

“Fuck…” You mumble out as she looks at you dead in the eyes. The feeling of dominance is very strong when she stares you down. She can see your face grow redder as you begin to mumble, and she knows that the feeling of her weight on you is doing something to you. Her lips meet yours once more, and you feel the same intense feeling that you felt in her eyes when she first kissed you. It’s as if your entire body was just being completely overcome with euphoria and it was the only feeling you could process. She makes out with you very intensely, but after some time passes she gets up from the bed, looking back down at you. “Take your bra off, now.” The way she commands you to take off your bra makes your heartbeat speed up just that much more. She has an extremely commanding personality, and it was clear that she wouldn’t take no for an answer at this moment. You sit up and do as she says. She watches carefully as you do what she had ordered you to do. She can notice the nervous and tense nature of your hands as they begin to slowly take your bra off. Once you were finally done, she stares right at you, with an even more intense focus than before.

She stares down at your bare chest and gets slightly more excited. She loves the sight of your body, and she can’t help but let her gaze linger. It’s like her eyes are locked on your beautiful tits, and she feels such a strong urge to kiss you again. She kisses you passionately, but what’s even more interesting for you is the feeling of her hands on your body. She seems to be roaming all over it, just exploring every inch of your skin. Then one of her hands cups your breast and starts fondling it. You feel these tiny little goosebumps come over your skin as she runs her hands all over you. She keeps her hands moving constantly, running them up along your sides, up and down your thighs, all over your body making every inch of your skin seem to shiver. You let out small moans into the kiss. As she kept kissing you, she noticed that you started letting out small moans each time. This was very intense for her, and she couldn’t help but like the sound of those soft moans coming from you. They were making her go crazy. She places her hand on your thigh and her touch feels so good against your skin. It’s almost like she’s taking over your whole body, leaving no inch untouched.

She looks at you as she moves her hand upwards. She sees that you noticed her touching your thigh, and she moves her hand. Your breath catches as her hand comes higher and higher, you keep waiting for her to stop but she keeps moving up. You look at her, trying to catch your breath. You’re trying to keep yourself from letting out too many sounds, but you can’t help but let out some soft exhales each time she goes higher. You feel the excitement rising within you, feeling every second of this moment and all of the movement of her hand. She finally reached the spot she had wanted and you feel your breath catch in your throat when she does that. She seemed to have noticed your reaction to her and you see that she smirks for a second before continuing what she was doing just now. She starts moving her fingers over the cloth of your panties, still looking at you, biting her lower lip. Her finger movements are so subtle and light that they just feel like small waves washing over that one spot, making you shiver. She can tell this is just exactly where she wants to be, and seeing you bite your lip in anticipation is making the moment so much more exciting. She can feel how aroused you are getting. She feels the intensity of your arousal slowly rising, the wet patch forming on your underwear, and the feeling of this power she had over you is incredibly intoxicating. She liked the feeling of knowing that she could make you feel this way, and she wasn’t planning on letting you go any time soon.

“Fuck…” You let out as she continues to move her fingers. The sound of your voice as you let out these little curses just makes her grin more. It’s very clear that she had hit the right spot, just as she remembered it. She gets overtaken by her feeling of control and orders you to get on your knees in front of her. She completely takes over this moment. “On your knees, now.” Her voice is not soft anymore, but raspy and demanding. Her level of dominance was through the roof, and she couldn’t take it anymore. You were hers again. It’s like she’s taking over your entire mind with her demands. Your thoughts can only really focus on one thing right now as you get on your knees in front of her, waiting to see what she’s going to do next. She sits on the bed manspreading with you right in between her legs. You have no idea what to expect, but she seems to know exactly what she’s going to do. Her legs are completely spread wide, with her sitting on the edge of the bed. Her stare is once again incredibly intense, and you can’t stop but feel excited and a little bit nervous all at once.

You look up at her eyes. Her eyes seem to be almost like she’s looking into your entire soul, and she feels more in control than ever before with your gaze focused entirely at her. She feels such a strong power over you in this moment, and she can’t help but start to let out a small smirk on her lips as she watches you keep looking at her. She holds your chin and looks at you. The way she holds your chin and looks directly into your eyes makes this feeling of intense power even stronger. She seems to be enjoying herself very much with this level of dominance over you. “Are you going to be a good girl for me?” She asks, looking you dead in the eyes, still holding your chin. She looks deep into your eyes as she asks you that question, and you can already feel the pressure that the question itself is placing on you. You can tell she expects you to be a good girl now, so you better not disappoint her. You nod as she waits for your response. She can see how you nod, and that seems to be the answer she was looking for. She smiles wide and says, “Good girl.” She gives you a little kiss on your forehead as a reward for your response, but makes it clear that the expectation of you being a good girl is not going away any time soon. With her thumb brushing against your lips, it seems as though she’s just playing around with you. She seems to be enjoying taking control and playing with you, as it’s making you feel some of the most intense emotions that you’ve ever felt in a while.

“Open up.” She says in a low voice as she puts her thumb into your mouth. The moment her thumb is in your mouth, you feel a sense of euphoria that you would have never thought was possible you would ever feel again. All of the feelings that she’s been giving you up until now feel as though they are being brought to the next level. She had really taken control of this moment, and you could feel her thumb moving inside of your mouth in a way that just made it feel even more incredible than you could have ever expected. Your breath caught in such a way that you couldn’t help but let out some more of those little curses. Your lips wrap around her thumb, and you really let yourself sink into this act. After you sucked on her thumb, she kisses you again, and it feels like all of the intense emotions are just growing even further. You can feel the same kind of sensation as before, and you didn’t imagine it could be possible to have someone take over your entire body like this again.

“Now, you are going to stay right there like a good girl and I'll be right back.” She says to you as she gets up to go get something, but her final words make you wait right there as she tells you to stay put. You follow her orders the entire time she’s gone, knowing that she’ll have something else in store for you when she arrives back. You keep looking down at the ground as you await her return, still in that same position you were told to stay in. You can’t help but notice this level of dominance she was taking over you, and the way she just made you stay in this position and wait for her was really making you feel something very exciting. She comes back and praises you for not moving as she demanded. The act of staying so perfectly still when you had been told to wait made you feel incredibly good when she praised you for following her orders perfectly. You didn’t expect to be acting so perfectly submissive, but you didn’t mind one bit either. She sits on the bed and says. “Come sit on my lap. Be a good girl for me, yeah?” You immediately feel a rush as she says those words. You follow them like the good girl she demanded you to keep being, and you have no problem with doing what she asks you to do. You sit on her lap and she smiles wide when she sees that you are complying again with her wishes.

She starts lightly touching your body and tracing it with her fingers. Her light touches feel just as incredible as  before as she lightly touches your chest and stomach with her fingers, tracing them all along your body and creating some of the most intense feelings that you’ve ever felt. She seemed to be enjoying herself again, finding every inch of your body and enjoying just how much she could get you to tremble under her grasp. She is loving feeling this dominance over you again. She really missed you. Her fingers now move down to your thighs, tracing around them in circles. You can practically feel the sensation of tingling, moving through your body with each touch of her fingers. You see her staring at you as you sit on her lap, and she continues to move her fingers slowly upwards. She makes it very clear that she’s looking to touch and explore just about every inch of your body. The moment her fingers get to where she wanted, your sopping cunt, you find yourself letting out another of these little curses for just how intense this all was. Her lips curl up into a smile as she sees how much effect her fingers have on you. You felt the most intense sensation when she touched your clit through the wet fabric, and you couldn’t help but let out these little sounds. The way she kept moving her fingers in tiny circles a little faster had you feeling every tiny movement. She made it so that she was really making you have another level of sensation that just made this entire experience even more exciting.

You look at her biting your lower lip. The way you bit your lower lip in reaction to this made the moment for her even more intense. You just looked like such a good girl and she still had so much further to go with you. “I'm going to make you feel good now, okay?” She said in a teasing tone as she slid your panties to the side feeling how wet you really were. Your body responded instantly to these words of hers as you felt a surge of nervousness and excitement all over you. She didn’t have to explain at all what kind of feelings she was referring to, your body already knew. The whole point of this interaction so far had been based on letting her be in control, so when she said that she would make you feel good, you knew that she would.  She can clearly see from your reaction how much these touches mean to you, and she loved it. That smirk of hers seemed to widen even more when she heard your moans of pleasure as she slowly inserted one of her slender fingers inside you slowly.  Because of this new level of excitement that was building between you, she started to feel unstoppable. “Do you like that?” She asks. The moment she asked you this, you found yourself nodding yes instantly. You were already feeling so much from her touches and your body was enjoying every moment of it. So of course you liked it. She starts moving her finger in and out of you a little faster as her other hand holds the back of your head so you continue to look at her. The way she kept going faster had you feel pure ecstasy as she looked you in the eyes so you know who is in charge here. “I'm going to make you feel even better, okay?” She said in a low and raspy tone. Your body responded instantly to these words of hers. Then she inserted another finger into your tight hole and started moving them even faster, curling them inside you. She hit your g spot on the first try. She knew your body too well, and hadn't forgotten one single bit. 

She can clearly see from your reaction how much these touches are affecting you, and she loved it. That smirk of hers seemed to widen even more because of this new level of excitement that was building between you. “Do you like that?” She asked as she kept going faster and harder. You started feeling that familiar knot in your stomach form. The moment she asked you this, you found yourself nodding yes instantly again. You were already feeling so much from her touches and your body was enjoying every moment of it. So of course you loved it. You felt like you were about to cum at any second now. She didn't stop for one second until she heard your moans as you felt your orgasm wash over you. She felt really confident as she made you cum. You couldn’t wait to feel what would come next. She slowly took her fingers from inside you and brought them up into her mouth sucking your juices. She went feral when she tasted you again after so much time. The moment she grabbed at the hem of your underwear, your eyes widened a little because she had really taken it to the next level. Up until now, it had felt somewhat familiar and maybe just a little bit intense, but this was on a whole new level. You felt yourself getting very aroused by her again. This whole time she had been making you feel this intense feeling within you, but you can tell that she wants more. She is going to fuck you until you beg her to stop. There's no going back now.

Her smirk keeps getting wider every time you react to her touch, so this was getting even more exciting for her. She had been enjoying herself the whole time, but it was still a very important thing for her to see how much this was having an impact on you as well. She lays you down on the bed, her hand still touching you as she looks down on you. You can see her looking down at you with that same wide smirk on her face, and you still don’t know how much further this will go yet. “Take them off baby girl.” She orders you to take your last remaining piece of clothing as she watches. She motions to your panties that were completely soaked at this point. You take them off slowly. You are now completely bare. Every time she sees you take your clothes off, she seems to get more and more excited. She had never expected you to show off this level of submission so soon, but she was loving every second of it. She felt this new level of power, and she is taking full advantage of it.

She looks at you with a hungry gaze as she seems to be enjoying this entire situation. Your body is completely exposed to her now, and she’s ready to take full advantage of it. You liked it, and you couldn’t wait to feel what would come next. You look up at her, waiting. She continues to look at your body, admiring it, just enjoying this whole situation way too much. Her eyes seem to be glued to you, and she wasn’t going to break that focus anytime soon. Ellie opens your legs and looks at the mess she just made of you. She feels proud of herself, but she will make you scream her name in no time. She knows it. She still knows what you like and what makes you go crazy. She remembers every touch and every spot that made you beg for her to stop. As she opens up your legs, you can feel the sensation of just how deep her power has reached over you. You are completely exposed, your body is completely bare in front of her, and you are completely in her control.

“Ellie…” You tried to speak up but then suddenly her expression changed into a serious one. “Ellie? You know that's not how you address me.” She looks a bit annoyed waiting for you to call her the same name as when you were still together. “Come on now, you know full well that's not my name…” You look up at her blushing as you remember what she liked to be called. “Do I have to spell it out? Or are you going to be a good girl?” She said in a low and raspy voice, but with a very serious look on her face. You knew how possessive she would get every time you had sex. You finally got the guts to say it out loud, so you take a deep breath and tell her what she wants to hear. “Yes daddy… Sorry daddy…” You look away from her as she gets her smirk back on her face. “Wasn't so hard was it? Good girl.” She said and you felt every hair in your body go up. Your quick apology and change of vocabulary has her smile getting even wider, as you knew she loved being called that, just as much as you liked being treated as such. She was loving this entire situation. She looks back down at you with her gaze, looking you up and down like you were some kind of an object of her own creation. Your body belongs to her now, and she was not going to let you go. She continues to look at you for a moment, before she eventually moves her finger to you. She seems to be considering something, but you can’t exactly tell what it is yet. You wait patiently for her to touch you again. She touches you lightly once again, moving her hand down to your pussy and this time, she seems to be moving her fingers a bit quicker. She seemed to be thinking what to do with you next, and you couldn’t help but feel a rush of adrenaline with this kind of change. She looked at what she had gotten up to get when she told you to get on your knees. You recognized that box. You know what's inside it, and you can't believe this is really happening. 

She notices you looking at the box and smiles as she sees your reaction to it. “You know what that is, don't you baby girl?...” You look up at her and see her eyes are filled with desire. Her pupils blown at the sight of you naked in front of her. “I’m going to use it on you now, and you are going to take it without any complaints, understood?” She said as she held your neck so you would look straight in her eyes. She squeezed it a bit to get an answer out of you. “Yes daddy…” You responded with your brows furrowed, looking at her. She gives you a passionate kiss and then pulls back leaving you wanting more. “Good girl. Don't move while daddy gets things ready, understood?” You nod instantaneously. She smiles at you with a teasing look in her eyes. She goes to her bedside table and takes out some lube from the drawer. She then takes her jeans off, still looking at you making sure you don't move. She's now only in her sports bra and her boxers. You look at her toned body and only get more aroused at the sight of her. She opens the box and takes off her strap. Your eyes widen as she does. She noticed your excitement and a smirk appeared on her face once more. She put it on and walked over to you, with your legs still wide open for her. She opens the lube tube and puts some on her deep purple strap. She always referred to it as her cock, sometimes she wishes it was real, so she could feel how hot and tight you are while she fucks you. She holds the base as she spreads the lube on her cock as she looks you dead in the eyes with a predatory look. “Are you ready for me to stretch your tight little hole?” She asks you as she lines the tip with your entrance. You look up at her and nod. She looks at you with an animalistic expression on her face. You gulp as you wait for her to move. She teases you a bit before actually pushing it in.

“Fuck… I wanted this for so long…” She says as she looks down at your cunt, ready to penetrate you. “Be a good girl and take what I give you, yeah?” She says this as she pushes it inside you slowly, making you let out moans. You weren't used to the size of her strap anymore. It hurt a little bit but it hurt so good though. When she is completely inside you she gives you a quick kiss and as she does that she starts moving her hips, thrusting into you. She loves the sounds you make but she doesn't want her neighbors to complain about it so she covers your mouth. “Shut up you slut.” Your eyes widened as she called  you that name. You can't lie. You loved her dirty talk, and it just made you feel something tingle in your tummy. She started fucking into you a bit faster and she smirked at your expression as she did so. As she thrusts into you she starts losing that smirk and looks at you with predatory eyes. She starts going faster and harder, making you let out tiny sounds as her hand is still over your mouth. She is really enjoying having you like this. Like she wants. You are hers now and she'll use you as she pleases. With her other hand she holds your hips so she can thrust harder into you making you whine every time she enters you. “No making any noise, yeah?” She asks you more like a demand, as she takes her hand off of your mouth. You nod trying not to moan out loud. She smiles mischievously as she sees you struggle to stay quiet. “You know what happens when you don't do as I say, don't you?” She looks at you with a smirk on her face as she watches your facial expressions. “Yes daddy…” You respond trying not to make too much noise. “Good girl, you dont want daddy to punish you, do you?” 

“No daddy, I'll be a good girl for you.” You say as she continues to fuck you relentlessly. She's feeling on top of the world having you under her like that. She missed fucking you. Especially like this. The other girls she was with when you were broken up never got to this level. She'd get tired of them. But you? She could never get tired of you. The fact that it was such a quick response made her look over at you with even more desire, and she had this look of complete control written all over her face. She continued to fuck you, and this time, she started rubbing your clit at the same time and moved her fingers even faster than before. This was her way of making you feel good, and you could already tell that you were going to enjoy yourself. You felt the knot forming again as you looked up at her still trying not to make any noise but some whimpers and little curses still escaped your mouth from time to time. She felt really proud of herself as you were getting closer to your second orgasm of the night. She continued and you couldn't take it anymore. “Can i cum daddy? Please?” You ask with pleading eyes not sure how long you'd be able to hold it in.

“I don't know… Do you think you deserve it? Have you been a good girl?” You look at her, pressing your lips together trying to stay quiet. “Yes daddy, I have.” You tell her as you feel like you're about to burst. She smiles down at you as you speak. “Okay baby girl, cum for me then. Cum all over my cock.” Ellie could swear she could feel your walls clenching around her strap. You finally let go and moan as you orgasm. It was so intense that you couldn’t not make sound. She watched you cum as her strap also hit her clit every time she thrusted. She could cum just from looking at you. “That's it… cum all over daddy's cock…” As you hear her low and raspy voice your tummy feels a bit funny. You could cum just from her talking to you like this.

As you come down from your high, Ellie starts going slower as she kisses you, trying to calm you down. She petted your hair as she called you her good girl over and over in your ear quietly. She stopped and took it out slowly, still looking at you trying to catch your breath. She gave you one more kiss and then got up, when you calmed down. She stood in front of you with her strap still on, covered in your cum. By the way she looked at you, you already knew what she wanted next, but you waited for her to say it. “Get on your knees and suck my cock clean like a good girl.” You can't resist her and her voice when she talks to you like that. You sit up and then get out of the bed. You kneel down in front of her. She looks at you the whole time with a smirk on her face. She lines it up with your mouth holding the base. “Open up…” You look up at her as you open your mouth and start sucking her cock. She swears she can feel your mouth on her. She places her other hand on your head and gently guides you as you suck all your cum off of her.

As you finish you look up at her smiling out of breath. She pets your head as she smiles down at you feeling proud of you. She then gets down to your level and kisses you passionately. “That's my good girl.” She praises you by stroking your face. You forgot how much you loved this, how much you missed her treating you like this. She loved every second but she wasn't done with you just yet.  Ellie holds you by your neck softly at first, You love when she's rough with you and she loves to go rough on you, knowing you can take it. She looks you in the eye as she starts to squeeze your neck slowly. As she does, she bites her lower lip as she tilts her head back slightly, looking down on you, asserting her dominance. “I’m not done with you…” She whispers in your ear. You feel every hair in your body go up. You feel the adrenaline coursing through your veins as she continues. “I’m going to fuck you until you dont know your name anymore. Until I'm satisfied. You are my fuck toy, got it?” She said this in a very demanding and serious voice. She then looked at you with a very serious expression. You gulp and nod, looking up at her. “Good, now… Get on all fours.” She says as she helps you get on top of the bed. You do as she demanded, remembering her punishments from before. You were in deep now, and Ellie was going to have her way with you.

She watches you as you get into position. She loves when you do as she says. She gets right behind you and gives your ass a light smack. She puts on some more lube on her strap before she fucks you.she hold the base as the other hand holds your hip. “Are you going to behave? You still remember what happens when you are a brat right?” She asks as she alines herself with you and slowly pushes it in. “Yes daddy… “ You whimper as you feel her filling you up again. “That's my good girl.” She starts thrusting into you harder and harder each time. You can't help yourself from letting out some curses and moans. As she hears you she starts going faster. Her boxers are soaked by this point. Her cunt is throbbing as she fucks you. Each push bumps into her clit making her feel her own orgasm building up. You are starting to lose strength on your arms, and with each thrust you just get weaker making your arms give out on you as you land on the mattress on your face. Ellie chuckles at the sight.

“Already tired baby girl? That's too bad, I'm not done with you yet.” She says as she starts thrusting into you harder and harder, making you moan louder. She smacks your ass leaving a red mark. “Shut up slut!” She contninues fucking you relentlenslly as you try to stay silent. You whimper each time she enters you, the knot in your stomach coming undone once more. Ellie grunts as she feels the strap bumping into her clit, making her come closer and closer to her orgasm. You cover your mouth when you feel your own orgasm coming so as not to make her angry with the noise. She notices and starts going even harder on you. “Did I tell you you could cum? Hum?” She asks as she slaps your ass once more. “No daddy…” You respond biting the back of your hand, still trying to stay quiet. “Then what do you think you're doing you brat? You cum only when I let you!” She strikes your ass again. “You are going to be punished, but for now im going to fuck your tigh hole until I cum, so shut up, understood?” She continues to go harder on you, making you whimper as you try to hold your orgasm but being unable to. Not long after, Ellie feels her own orgasm wash over her too. You hear her moans and hisses as she does. “Fuck… “ Her legs start trembling. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

You can feel her starting to slow down as she grips the fat of your hips so hard it hurts. She keeps grunting and moaning for a few more seconds before she finally stops fucking you and gets her strap off of you. She gives you a final smack as she stands straight. She takes off her strap and sets it aside to be washed later. When you feel her hand, you collapse on the bed. She looks at you, her eyes sparkling at the mess she made of you. She feels like she's in heaven, having you like this again for her, before her. To use you, to fuck you. She missed you so much. She would often masturbate to the thought of you, calling out your name as she looked at some nudes you had sent her, that she saved only for her own viewing. But she doesn't need to do that anymore, she has you again. All for herself.

You look at her panting, as she takes the strap off. You smile at her slightly, noticing how wet she was. She catches you staring, almost like you were drunk. All red on the face and your eyes half closed from just cumming. “What are you smiling for? I'll make that grin disappear, come here.” She says as she walks towards you. “Get on your knees.” She commands you as you still lay in bed. “Now!” She demands again and you slowly get off the bed and kneel in front of her, still half smiling, almost like you're dazed. She grabs your face and squishes your cheeks. “You think this is funny? You know your punishment right?” You gulp as you remember what she would have you do when you misbehaved. You look up at her with a worried look. “You do know.” She grins as she sees your facial expression change. “But before that, You have something else to do.” She lets go of your face as she gets up. You look up at her, Your eye level now at her hips. “Take them off brat.” She demands and you follow. You take her boxers off slowly looking up at her from time to time. You could see how wet she was. The strings of slick clinging to the fabric as you took them off. “You know what to do now, so be a good girl and clean daddy up.” You nod as you focus on her glistening cunt.  You grab her thighs and take a good long lick up her slit, and you can hear her moan, which makes you smile as you continue. Your tongue moves through her folds, up to her clit, earning you some more sweet moans. You start eating her out. She places her hands on the top of your head and grabs some of your hair as your tongue works on her sensitive clit, her moans louder by the second. You want to make her cum, she would very rarely let you do what you were doing just now. She must have been really touch starved the time you were apart. You continue and move your right hand without her noticing as her eyes were closed. She continued moaning and biting her lip as you brought your hand up to her pussy. You massage her clit with your thumb and she looks down at you. “What do you think you're doing?” She asks with an annoyed expression as she pulls you by the hair to see the smirk on your face. You then move your index and middle finger up and down her folds. and go back to licking her clit. She hisses as she feels your tongue and throws her head back.

You start getting your fingers wet and ready, which wasn't difficult since she was a sopping mess. You easily pushed one finger inside her with how wet she was. You heard her moans getting more high pitched and started moving it inside her. She let you take control for a few minutes. She never gave you control. She really missed you and can't resist your touch now. You insert a second finger and she hisses. You start moving them inside her making her become even more vocal. “Fuck… Just like that… don't stop please…” This was music to your ears. You kept going, moving your fingers faster and curling them to hit her special spot. You knew you found it when she grabbed your hair harder so you continued your movements. Your tongue still taking care of her poor throbbing clit. “Fuck… that’s it… Keep going baby…” Her moans got louder signaling her orgasm was close. You continued until her legs were trembling and she pushed your head away lightly. She was panting as she looked down at you as a smile appeared on her flushed face. You sucked her juices off your fingers looking up at her. You then got up and kissed her gently as you wrapped your arms around her. 

When you two broke the kiss, she held you for a few seconds before you both layed in bed together cuddling for a bit. A smirk started growing on her face. as she whispered in your ear. “Don't think I forgot about your punishment, little girl.” You look at her face, as yours lost its smile and filled with worry and anticipation. She then grabbed you and laid you over her lap, ass up. “You were a bad girl, and bad girls get spankings…” You gasped when she grabbed you so fast to her lap. As she admired your ass, she could see how worked up you got. “Look at this, did making daddy cum, make my baby girl this wet?... Naughty girl.” You blushed in embarrassment. “Look at how cute you look all flustered like this.” Her smirk grew wider as her fingers traveled to your wet folds. As she moved them you started moaning. “Does my baby want something? You'll have to ask very nicely for daddy to consider it…” She says as she looks at your flushed face, whilst still moving her fingers in your wetness. You took a deep breath as you looked at her. “Please make me cum daddy…” Her pupils blew as she heard your words. “Please use your fingers on me…” You begged once more. She continued to get her fingers wet and ready to penetrate you. She occasionally would stimulate your clit for a few seconds. 

“How can I say no when my pretty girl begs me so nicely…” She says as she stuffs two fingers inside you without warning, making you gasp. She chuckles at your reaction and starts pumping her fingers in and out of you with ease. “You practically swallowed my fingers, you really wanted me to fuck you again didn't you?” She chuckles once more at your pathetic state. She inserted a third finger as she watched your hole get stretched by her. Her mouth started watering at the sight. You hissed as you felt her stretch your walls, but you couldn't deny that it felt amazing. “Fuck… look at that…” She then started pumping them in and out inside you again. “I love this daddy…” She smirks and says, “I know you do.” And it only feels like your entire body has felt something almost ethereal. She keeps going at a fast pace, and you feel the sensations growing within you. You feel yourself getting pushed to the absolute extremes, and it’s an overwhelming yet welcoming feeling. She is relentless, she’s finger fucking you so hard that you hear yourself mumbling out some curses without realizing it as the feelings keep intensifying. She was enjoying the feeling of watching you be pushed to your limit, she was enjoying your reactions so much.

She continues the momentum going, moving even quicker and faster than before. You felt even more of the intense feelings moving throughout your entire body, and it felt so much more intense than everything else that she had already done up until this point. She was starting to almost over-stimulate you. You were loving it. Your legs start to tremble as you start moaning louder, you feel that familiar knot in your belly again. She seems to be able to read your body and that you’re reaching a peak. It’s exactly what she is hoping for. For you to cum all over her fingers. You have no idea of just how much further she’s going to take you after this, but she is keeping that as a surprise. You feel your orgasm overcome you completely, not only the feeling but the whole moment as she keeps going. She is pushing your body to the limits and now, you really can’t do anything but succumb to the feeling being given to you. She can't just stop, she loves hearing like this too much. She is going to take you over the edge. Your body is feeling so much that your energy is being sucked right out of you. “Yes baby, that's it… cum for me… cum for daddy…” Her eyes sparkle as she hears the sounds you make. She'll never get tired of the sight of her fingers disappearing inside you.

You succumb to your exhaustion as she stops finally, letting you have a break and letting you breathe and relax from just how intense your orgasm was. She continues going just a little bit to keep your body under her control, but for now, she is allowing you to come down from what you just experienced. “Thank you daddy….” You say, not having the energy to move much. Your words sounded more like a breath than a complete sentence, and she smiles wide again at what you said. She was so happy to have pushed you to your limit, and now, she was letting you rest for a bit. She just keeps lightly touching you, to keep you under her influence still. 

She took her fingers out of you looking at your stretched hole, proud of the state she's left you in. She then started rubbing your bare ass in circles. “Now, your punishment for earlier… How many do you think you deserve, hum?” She asked you as her other hand pulled your hair slightly. “I think 15 would teach you a lesson, don't you think?” She spoke in a serious tone now. She wasn't playing around anymore. She saw your worried face and let out a chuckle. “Pathetic.” She said as she spanked you for the first time, you winced at the pain. “Cry all you want, your spanking is gonna happen anyway.” She spanked you a second time and you let out a louder wince. She continued spanking your ass as she counted each one. Every one harder than the last. By the time there were only 5 left, you were crying, and oh how she loved the sight of you. “Only 5 more, baby girl.” She continued counting, your ass was full on red at this point and started to sting a lot. “14…” You screamed at the pain. “Only one more and your punishment is over, ready?” She lifted her hand high and prepared to hit you the hardest of all the spankings. “15!” She spanked you so hard that you screamed. “There, we’re done baby girl.”

She soothed your sore ass by stroking it gently for a few seconds. She then held you in her arms as she kissed your tears away. “It’s okay pretty girl, it's over now. Daddy is proud of you for taking your punishment so well. Let's not have to do that again, yes?” You looked up at her and nodded as your tears continued flowing. “Yes daddy…” She smiled when she heard your voice. “Good girl.” She held you as she comforted you. “Shhh… It's over now…” She rocked you a bit as you were almost in a fetal position. You stayed cuddling for some time and she covered you both with the sheets. She kissed your forehead, you were really tired, almost falling asleep. “I love you so much. You can't even imagine how much I missed you, my baby girl.” She said quietly as she hugged you tighter, pressing your body on hers. You looked up at her and gave her a gentle kiss.

She lays back beside you holding you close after that experience. The way you leant into her touch just made her feel even more comfortable to get to be this close with you again, and she didn’t seem to have any intention of leaving soon either. She keeps holding you close to her and doesn’t seem to want to let go even with this exhaustion hitting you. All you can really do now is just lay in her arms as she holds you. You let out a quiet noise of contentment, feeling your body finally getting a chance to relax after going through all of that. She continues to stroke your hair and your body, and you still continue to just lay there in her embrace. Her light touches are so comforting. It’s like the fatigue doesn’t even matter to her, she just wants you to keep feeling good and under her control. “Thank you daddy…” You mumble out from her gentle touches. Her touch is very delicate, with each stroke being so light. There wasn’t any rush for you to say more things, since the experience was so overwhelming. You actually enjoyed the spanking a bit, but you didn’t quite know why it felt so good. You just continued to lay right where you were, with her gently touching and stroking you.

You look up with a small smile, and she returns the look. You can tell that she is enjoying this time with you, because she can truly see how much of an impact she is able to make. You never thought that you would be this far gone, but she was enjoying seeing you like this, that she had pushed you so far, and you loved every second. You nuzzle into her embrace for a bit. She wraps her arms around you and pulls you closer to her as you nuzzle into her embrace. She continues her gentle stroking on your body with her fingers, and the warm feeling of satisfaction covers her completely. She liked the feeling of you being in her care, and she liked what she was able to make you feel.  You ended up falling asleep in her arms, succumbing to your exhaustion. Ellie continued to hold you and look at you while you fell asleep. You looked so serene, she would never get tired of your beautiful face. She kissed your forehead one more time and continued to stroke you gently. “I love you so much, I never want to be without you again.” She whispered as not to wake you up. She continued to look at you lovingly until she herself eventually fell asleep too.

You and Ellie were a couple again. You were so happy to have her back in your life. She made all the effort she needed to gain your trust back again. She treated you like a princess. With all the love you deserve. As time passed you started to trust her again, and forgave her past behavior. You loved her and she loved you. That was all that mattered and as long as you had each other, Everything would be okay. She was so grateful for your forgiveness. She stopped smoking and drinking and became the Ellie you fell in love with. Her grades went up and you were so proud of her progress. She would never leave your side again, you are the most important thing in the world for her. She will do anything to never be without you again.

Author's notes: Hi! i had a blast writing this one! I hope you liked it, I really liked writing it! Feedback is always welcome and likes and reblogs are always encouraged! Thank you!

[merovingianprincess]

A Targaryen Marriage - Aegon Targaryen x Reader

sorry this took me so long, I had the worst strep throat and fever of my life and I also just kept putting writing this off. This is my first time writing smut, so oops.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Fire and Blood/House of the Dragon, nor do I claim to. This story is my own and I ask no one to copy my work.

part one | part two

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The 3 days of the voyage on the boat across the waters were uneventful. You mostly slept and read your books rolling your eyes when you had to read about the queen dowager, Alicent Hightower. You were certainly not looking forward to seeing her, let alone having to live with her. But it was part of the deal of you and your brothers being alive; marrying Aegon meant Alicent being your mother-in-law. You made a mental note to be just as pleasant to her as she was to your brothers and you growing up in the Red Keep. You would never forget the 'bastards' she'd whisper under her breath, though you had the Targaryen features that your three deceased brothers did not.

You hadn't seen Aegon much, which didn't bother you, you knew he was most likely busy or resting. You had overheard that the burns he suffered during the war still bothered him, he seemed to keep them well hidden under his clothes as you only recalled seeing slight burn scars on his neck when he came with the maester to visit. It gave you time to grieve a bit more in silence; you had heard your brothers were behaving in their quarters on the boat, so little to worry you.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Come in," you called from your chair with your embroidery of a simple dragon.

The door creaked open revealing a guard, one you recognized from boarding the boat. He partially stepped in, putting his hands behind his back, chest out, "Princess, we are expected to reach the docks of Kings Landing within an hour."

You smiled and nodded, "Ah thank you, sir. Tell me, are you the guard who notified the king that I get a bit seasick?" you asked, putting aside your needle work in the basket next to the chair.

He gave a small nod of his head, "Yes princess, I wanted to ease any suffering and make the journey easier. I know being ill only makes travel feel as if it is dragging by."

You stood up giving a small stretch of your limbs, "Thank you, it has helped tremendously. As you said, us Targaryens are much more accustomed to traveling by our dragons."

He chuckled, "Of course. Is there anything you may need in the meantime? I am sending two guards to retrieve your things so when we depart the boat it will be quick and efficient." He questioned.

"Nothing in the meantime, but I will put everything in my trunks, thank you, sir." you answered, hands smoothing out your dress.

The guard gave a small bow before leaving, closing the door behind him.

The ride in the wheelhouse up to the Red Keep was bumpy at best, you caught a few glimpses outside the window, seeing the different parts of Kings Landing being rebuilt and cleaned up. Aegon was quiet, just the two of you in the wheelhouse. He was offered a horse to ride but he declined explaining his burn scars were bothering him a little and thought horse riding would make him more uncomfortable.

"Are you looking forward to seeing your mother?" you inquired, trying to make conversation.

He pursed his lips, "A bit, but I'm not looking forward to her wanting to control everything and everyone." he answered looking at you, playing with the black, jeweled dagger in his hands.

"Well, hopefully, all will go well," you replied feeling a bit awkward now.

The wheelhouse came to a halt, peeking out the window you saw the outside stairs leading inside to the Red Keep, a small gaggle of people standing waiting to receive their king.

"King Aegon II has returned triumphantly from his victory in Dragonstone." a guard announced as he opened the door and lowered the steps. The applause and cheers from the crowd seemed a bit forced and uncomfortable, making you bite back the laugh you were holding.

Aegon stood from where he was sitting, tucking his dagger into the holster on his hip, and descended the stairs of the wheelhouse. You sat there uncomfortably not knowing what to do. Do you give him his moment? Do you wait to be announced? Do you just go ahead and climb out?

"Thank you all, your support for my cause and right to my throne means much to me and my family. I have brought along with me my bride, Princess Visenya." Aegon announced a cue to you to present yourself.

You stood up and descended the stairs as well, squinting your eyes at the bright sun of midday. You opened your eyes a bit more giving a soft smile at everyone before being coaxed over to Aegon by his outstretched arm. You stood by his side, his hand resting on the small of your back, trying to make you feel a bit more welcome and comfortable. It had been a long time since you were last in Kings Landing. You saw a few nervous and questionable bows and curtsies from the crowd. The only one who did not was Alicent herself.

She stood there stoically in all green, of course, she smiled at the both of you, "Welcome home my son and Visenya, we are eager to have you both walk among the walls of the Keep again." she said, motioning everyone inside.

The crowd headed inside as Aegon, Alicent, and you slowly followed. You didn't know what to say, truthfully, you felt a mix of anger, betrayal, and hurt when you first set eyes upon the dowager queen. The three of you climbed the steps and entered the cool hallway when Alicent stopped Aegon and you, coming to stand in front of you two.

"Visenya, I'm happy for you to join our family," Alicent affirmed, placing her hands on your forearms.

We are already family. You wanted to say, deciding not to say anything but give a reassuring smile, "Yes, I look forward to being back home in the Red Keep," you responded.

"Aegon sent word you two are to be married quickly. I wasn't even aware he had an interest in remarrying until I received his letter." she vacillated, looking between the two of you. She let you go, stepping to Aegon, "Are you sure you want to marry her?" she questioned him, holding his hands in hers.

You felt a surge of humiliation that she questioned that. As if you weren't standing right there. You felt angry to be spoken of and questioned like that. You were every bit of a Targaryen as Aegon was, possibly even more if the rumors of Daemon being your true father were not just rumors.

"Of course, Targareyens are meant to rule alongside one another, mother," he reassured her, you almost snorted at his small slight at her, "I want peace in the realm and prosperity for our house, Visenya and I have both agreed on peace and understanding." he finished.

She gazed up at him, her eyes searching his as if that wasn't a good enough answer. She took in a deep breath and released it letting go of his hands and rubbing hers together with uncertainty. You still stood there awkwardly before you pipped up, "I don't think the realm can continue to take any more battles and scheming from whatever side they are on when they could all be on one side once more, under a single Targaryen banner."

Aegon stood there staring at his mother who looked at him with a mix of curiosity and confusion, "Mother I am king, what I say goes and I will marry Visenya, regardless of your uncertainty," he asserted, brushing a hair out of her face, "We will marry in the Sept here in the Keep before dinner, will you fetch a Septon or shall I send for one?" Aegon queried.

She looked down at her hands and then between the two of you, "I'll find Septon Brenyn for the ceremony as well as the cloaks." she huffed, then gave a curtsey and turned on her heel. She walked down the corridors of the hall before disappearing around a corner.

You turned your head and gazed over at Aegon, he stared down the halls before turning his attention towards you, "I'm sorry about my mother's behavior, she is used to being in control of how things work and I believe it's hard for her to accept that isn't how it is anymore. I thought she learned that when unpredictable things started happening during the war."

You pursed your lips and gave a small nod, "Maybe she thought things would go back to how they once were," you wondered to him.

He gave a small shrug of his shoulders and then turned toward you, "I believe so, I know the people here are so used to me being a good-for-nothing drunk whore but I learned a good king isn't that, and I want to be a good king. I didn't lose all my siblings and two children to be a bad king."

You reached out a hand to his and rubbed the back of it with your thumb, "Well I think admitting your faults and wanting to be better is the first step to being a good king," you reassured.

He enveloped your hand in his and motioned for the two of you to start walking down the halls, no words passed between the two of you. You enjoyed the walk around the keep but irritation crept up in you as you saw symbols of the faith and green tapestries in place of where old Targaryen heraldry used to be. You made a mental note that the Keep would once again be decked out in Targaryen glory. If someone wanted to see symbols of the faith or their own house colors, they would either go to the Sept or decorate their own chambers in that way. You were here to remind them all that the house of the dragon needed to remain strong and remember their history. This was your home now and you wanted to be reminded of it every day.

Eventually, Aegon has to leave you to go see to a few crucial things before your marriage ceremony, leaving you to head to the kitchens in search of a snack; you didn't think getting married on an empty stomach was a good idea, something light would do.

You decided on some grapes, cheese, and honeyed wine. The food on the boat wasn't exactly great. While eating, your thoughts drifted to Vermithor and Silverwing, you had hoped they listened to you and landed in the Kingswood for their new temporary home. You also flagged down a servant and asked them if your younger brothers had settled in well in their rooms. The servant assured you all was well.

You wandered around the keep a bit more before seeing a servant you recognized that helped carry your trunks, "Excuse me, I don't mean to be a bother," you started, catching his attention. He looked at you and gave a small bow.

"Anything you need, princess?" he wondered.

"Yes, I was just wondering where my trunks have been taken? Can you lead me to them?" you asked, not wanting to get married in the dress you wore on the boat.

He nodded and motioned for you to follow him. You trailed after him around the corridors until you realized you were outside the king's chambers. A sudden realization dawned on you, this was really happening, you were really going to marry Aegon.

"Thank you, I'm sorry I am not aware of your name." you thanked.

"Gregory and of course my princess," he answered, leaving you to it.

You turned around nervously and looked at the large wooden doors. Were you supposed to knock? Could you just walk in? You decided to do the latter and carefully pushed open one of the large doors, stepping inside. It was cleaner than you expected any room Aegon occupied to be. Though you suppose that is thanks to servants. You walked through the beautiful solar that was furnished in intricately carved dark wood. The room had a surprisingly dark red accent to it, you silently thanked any gods who were listening that it wasn't green. The curtains by the windows were red and gold, the cushions on the chairs and couches were deep red, and you even saw a few books. Aegon could read? You chuckled at the thought. You made your way through the solar and into the bedroom where you were happy to find your trunks near the wardrobe. You opened the trunk you knew had the dress you were looking for. You pulled out the black dress with red embroidered dragons, and you smiled. You didn't think you'd wear this dress to get married in but you never expected to get married so soon either. You noticed no sign of Aegon physically being in here.

You placed the dress on the large bed and walked over to the washing room and cleaned your face. You decided to take a cloth and quickly wash your groin and underarms. You were nervous. You could start to feel it. If you were going to have sex you wanted to smell nice right? Though would it really matter to Aegon? The veteran whore of the street of silk? You decided to rub on some oils in those areas as well, just to be fresh and ease your peace of mind.

You walked out of the washing room and slightly jumped when you saw Aegon standing near the bed, putting on a belt.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you would be in here at this time," you said, as he looked at you while he fastened his belt.

"Oh I'm sorry, I just got done dealing with some things and decided to come change," he revealed, "I noticed your dress on the bed but didn't know where you went," he said, motioning to the dress.

You let out a breath, "I went to wash my face before I changed I didn't want to get married in my boat dress." you explained.

"You looked pretty in your boat dress," Aegon commented.

You felt yourself blush and a quickening beat of your heart. "Well thank you but I didn't really want to get married in it," you replied, walking over to the dress on the bed.

Aegon sat on the foot of the bed, "There is a changing screen and table behind that corner for you." he pointed around the corner.

You thanked him, grabbing the black dress and walking over to where he pointed, quickly changing.

You came back out after changing to see Aegon standing waiting for you. "Are you ready to get married Visenya?" he questioned with a small grin.

Your heart began to beat quickly again, "I believe so."

He held out his arm for you to take. You approached him, gently wrapping your arm in his. He led you out of the chambers and down the corridors towards the keep's small sept. Your heart beat heavily and loudly, making you nervous Aegon could hear or even feel it. However, he seemed unphased as the doors to the Sept opened for the two of you.

You started feeling hot and clammy as you two reached the septon, Alicent draping the cloaks around both of your shoulders. You turned your head and gazed out to see a few dozen courtiers here to witness your wedding ceremony. You looked back at Aegon whose violet eyes were trained on you, giving you a reassuring smile. You heard the Septon clear his throat, oh, oh this is real.

The septon started saying something that you didn't quite hear as you were so nervous all you could do was stare are either Aegons eyes or his ear. You felt someone lift off the cloak on your shoulders and saw Aegon place the one he was wearing over yours.

"In the sight of the Seven, I hereby seal these two souls binding them as one for eternity. Look upon one another and say the words." the Septon proclaimed.

Aegon and you repeated the words together, "Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger, I am his/hers, he/she is mine, from this day until the end of my days." With that Aegon wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you in for a sweet kiss. You melted in a way, delicately wrapping your arms around his. You pulled apart to hear applause, you gazed around you with a soft smile, seeing your small brothers sitting amongst the courtiers.

You looked back at Aegon, now your husband, and saw him smiling widely at you. You felt the nervous butterfly feeling again. He pulled you in for another quick kiss before leading you out of the Sept and to the great hall to feast.

You could barely eat during the feast, truthfully you only had one hand to use as Aegon held your left hand the entire feast, a few times giving a kiss to the back of your hand. You noticed he drank his favorite Arbor Red, "I didn't know you still drank." you mentioned to him when he was caught gazing at you.

He looked from you to his cup, "Yes, just not the way I used to. Wine will always be one of my great loves." he chuckled. "Well as long as you don't ever throw up on me I guess that is fine." you joked.

Aegon threw back his head with a laugh, "Don't tell my mother I'm telling you this," he said in a whisper, looking to his opposite side where his mother was engaged in conversation with some lord, "One time when I was first getting bad with wine, mother came to scold me over something ridiculous and I tried to warn her I wasn't feeling well and she just wouldn't listen. So even though I gave her fair warning, I threw up all over the bottom of her brand-new dress. She stood there for a moment in shock before she continued to yell at me." Aegon reminisced.

You laughed along with him, wanting more than anything to see a shocked Alicent with vomit on her green dress. The feast continued a bit more, your anxiety about being bedded kept creeping up. You heard a chair scoot back and looked up to see Aegon standing up catching everyone's attention.

"I would like to make a toast," he bellowed to the crowd, picking up his cup, "To my beautiful wife Visenya, she has so selflessly married me, thus ending the war between our house. She is truly wonderful and kind. I look forward to spending the rest of my days with you as my queen." he said looking down at you and raising his cup in unison with everyone else in the hall. You smiled raising your cup as well before you all took a drink.

He motioned for you to stand up, "My bride and I shall retire for the night, I bid you all to enjoy the rest of your evening." he said, garnering some cheers and whistles from the courtiers. You stood and took his hand as he led you down the dais and out of the hall towards your shared bed chamber. You felt your heartbeat quicken again, and your hands start to shake a little.

Aegon placed a hand on the small of your back, "I have kept my promise and there will be no ceremony, just the two of us." he said in your ear, easing some of the anxiety.

Aegon opened the chamber doors, you walked ahead inside, noticing the hearths had been lit and a few candles scattered throughout the solar and bedroom. Aegon followed you in, closing and locking the door behind him. You heard him kick off his boots as you stood in front of the bed, gazing down at the dark red brocade blanket. You kicked off your own shoes nervously, reaching up and taking off your necklace, placing it on a nearby table.

You felt a presence behind you and turned to face Aegon, who smiled down at you. You noticed his violet eyes and then the faded burn scar on the side of his neck.

"I am not going to force you," he said quietly, reaching up and pushing a tendril of hair behind your ear, "but I would like for you to want to." he continued. He pressed a kiss to your cheek and then trailed down to your neck, making you suck in a breath, a new feeling erupting in you. Feeling a want in your cunt. He continued to press soft kisses on your neck, wrapping one arm around your waist pulling you close, and the other hand on the opposite side of your neck. You felt your heartbeat, your skin start to get the tiniest gooseflesh, and the strong pull of desire. You wrapped one arm around his shoulder and brought the other to the back of his head as he continued to kiss your neck and shoulder. "Aegon," you trailed off with a small moan.

"Hmm?" he questioned, placing a few more wet kisses on your neck.

"I want to," you said lowly, trying to ignore that you were still nervous.

You felt him smile as he left a trail of kisses coming back up to your lips, where you found yourself responding to the movements of his mouth, the room started to feel a little bit warmer to you. He began to deepen the kiss, prodding your bottom lip with his tongue, you could taste the recent wine he had. He pulled you closer, the hand around your neck coming down to your waist. You kissed back, letting his mouth take the lead, he started walking you backward until the back of your knees hit the bed. The two of you broke the kiss as you sat on the bed scooching back until your head was on the pillows. Aegon crawled up the bed to where he was hovering over you.

He leaned down once again to kiss you, his hair coming down and tickling your cheek, you reached both arms up and around his waist pulling him down so his body touched yours. He obliged slowly lowering himself, though not allowing his full body weight onto you, using his forearms for support. You felt his hard member, making you curious and yearning. He broke the kiss trailing a few pecks down to your chest where he looked up at you for approval and you gave him a nervous nod, he delicately pulled down the top of your dress to reveal your breasts. His eyes widened and he licked his full pink lips, kissing each breast, giving a few small lips and tiny bites to your nipples. Your breath hitched, the pull of desire at your cunt wanting more. Aegon trailed kisses back up to your neck, taking one hand and slowly massaging a breast, which you quite enjoyed.

Aegon found a spot on your neck that aroused you most and began to suck and bite at it, occasionally using his tongue. A small whimper escaped you and you played with Aegons hair, pushing his head more into your neck. He chuckled, "Do you like that?" he huskily asked, giving it another kiss.

"Yes," you whispered, slightly embarrassed.

"Good, I was hoping you would," he said across your mouth, diving in for another kiss. Your hands reached down and grabbed at his shirt, wanting to lift it up and feel his chest. He sat up and looked down at you, "Visenya, I have burn scars still." he said insecurely.

You nodded your head, "I don't mind." you responded, rubbing his thigh in reassurance. He looked from your eyes to the bed and took in a breath closing his eyes.

"Aegon you don't ha-" you started before you saw him start to take off his shirt. He did in fact have many pink burn scars, some looked textured others did not. The scars didn't disgust you, if anything you felt sad he endured such pain and still does. He flung his shirt off the bed and looked back at you, making his way back to your mouth. You reached a hand and delicately touched his broad shoulders, something you found very attractive about him. You noticed his arms also had some muscular definition as well. You put your hands on both sides of his face kissing him deeply, bending one knee, and rubbing the side of his leg with it, hinting you wanted more.

He broke the kiss, pulling at your dress. You started to feel insecure as well, but lifted your hips and then your upper body to help aid him take it off. You laid back down as Aegon threw the dress to the side as well, before turning his eyes back at you, taking a hand and moving some of your silver hair off your chest.

"Visenya, you are a goddess." he complimented, his violet eyes taking in your body. You blushed, brushing one of his hairs out of his face.

He shuffled off his pants, kicking them off the bed, revealing his large, hard cock. That's supposed to go inside of me? He trailed his fingers delicately across your legs, making you feel that want and a desire in your cunt. You slowly spread your legs and allowed Aegon to settle himself in between.

"This will make it easier, alright?" he said, looking up at you. You nodded not knowing what he was about to do.

He took his index finger and slowly trailed it up the slit of your cunt, you saw his finger glisten slightly from your wetness. He did it a few more times before spreading your cunts lips and doing it again making you arch your back and breath heavy. He flicked his eyes from your cunt to meet your eyes and grinned, "You have a pretty cunt, darling."

You smiled and felt yourself become more aroused by that comment. He slowly brought his finger down and gently eased it inside your cunt, it didn't hurt, just a foreign feeling. He pumped it in and out a few more times, gathering more of your wetness until he added a second finger, only a slight pressure this time. He pumped them in and out of your cunt as you watched his face take his own pleasure in it. You noticed the burn marks on his thighs as well, though not as bad as the ones on his chest and arms.

Then Aegon took his fingers out of your cunt and brought them to his mouth, while making eye contact with you, he inserted his fingers and sucked them giving another grin. "You taste wonderful as well," he said, making you breathe hard. You looked from his face to his cock and back again.

He lined himself up with the entrance of your cunt, "This will hurt for a few seconds, but then it will feel good." he assured you. He slowly pushed his way into it, his face scrunching up in pleasure and letting out a groan.

You silently gasped, hands reaching up and wrapping around Aegon's muscular forearms. You felt a stinging stretching feeling, squeezing your eyes shut and whimpering. "Ow, Aegon," you whispered to him.

But he was right, he stayed still for a few seconds until the pain went away. "You can move now," you let him know, opening up your eyes, and seeing him above you.

He slowly started to move forwards and backward in you, groaning in pleasure, allowing you to adjust. He reached an arm down and pulled one of your legs to wrap around his waist, you did the same with the other leg. It felt better this way too.

He began to pick up the pace, going deeper into you, as you felt how full you felt with him inside of you, each thrust hitting a spot deep in your cunt that felt incredible. Thrust. Pleasure. Thrust. Pleasure. He continued with his quick thrusts, groaning and praising you, "Visenya, fuck you're so good."

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders bringing him down on top of you, as he continued to thrust and hit your spot in pleasure. It was euphoric, you wanted to feel this good every second of every day. "Aegon, Aegon yes, oh yes." you moaned out.

He continued to thrust fast and deep into you, you felt tears begin to form in your eyes as he was making you feel so good. You felt a tear fall down your cheek, Aegon slowed his thrusts, "Are you okay?" he asked.

You nodded your head, "You make me feel so good." you whimpered out, causing him to go back to his pace groaning.

"Aegon please don't stop, please don't stop, oh my gods please," you begged as he continued hitting your spot, shocks and jolts of pleasure with each thrust.

You began to feel warm and your muscles clenching, holding onto to something, well in this case Aegons cock, your thighs tightening around Aegons hips, heels digging into his ass. He moaned your name and breathed heavily into your ear, thrusting and getting sloppy. "Please Aegon, don't st-" and you felt the most euphoric wave of pleasure, causing you to arch your back and clench your walls around Aegons cock, who was still thrusting in and out. You closed your eyes as you rolled your head back, hands squeezing around Aegon's shoulders. It took you a second to feel Aegon do the same, his loud moaning as he too experienced the euphoria, spilling his cum inside of you, slowing down his thrusts. Eventually, he came to a stop as you both tried to catch your breaths, before looking at each other and sharing a kiss.

He pulled out of you gently, and you felt his cum slowly start to dribble out of you. He rolled off of you and the bed, walked to the washing room, and came back with two damp towels. He cleaned himself off with one before moving to you and cleaning you up as well with the other. He threw both towels toward the heap of clothes on the floor, crawling up beside you in bed and laying down.

You turned on your side and rested your head on Aegon's slightly sweaty chest, though you didn't mind. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head. You both drifted off to sleep in your bed satisfied and exhausted.

[kingshovelbug]

Hello! I hope this is not a weird question, but how do you deal with ADHD and buying/having vegetables? Because I swear every single batch I bought goes moldy because I keep forgetting about it! >^<

dont worry its not! i really really struggled to eat fresh food for awhile because i would forget about it. and then feel awful because i was wasting money. it actually took until recently for me to find a system that works for me to beef up my veggie consumption lol

so i would say the biggest things that helped are where they are in the fridge, what vegetables i buy, loosely planning out meals and knowing how to throw shit together sea fairing cook style

1) my vegetables arent in the crisper drawer where theyre “supposed to be” they are in plain sight on the first shelf and i look at them anytime i open the fridge. tbh im not sure that crisper drawers do what they say that they do since theres like a whole veggie section on this shelf and they keep fine lol. sort of in line with this is that i keep the produce in the bags they come in so that i can also read the word of what the vegetable actually is and see it visual of it

2) it might be limiting depending on what vegetables you like but i only buy regularly buy veggies that last. my usual stock are different varieties of peppers, onions, cabbage, potatoes (im counting as a vegetable), and carrots. leafy greens and soft veggies like mushrooms, squash, and cucumbers go bad really fast especially if you cut into them

3) you dont need to do it every day or even every week but if im craving something specific that does go bad quickly then ill do a loose meal plan for that week to make sure that i use it up. so say im craving spinach and mushrooms. after i get back from the store ill write on the fridge a list of things i need to make to use them up like a spinach feta omelette, wilted spinach as a side for something and mushroom stir fry

4) this takes a little bit of practice but even if you do everything right stuff can still go bad. but if you have recipes that work for almost everything vegetable then as stuff looks like it could be turning you can cook it before it actually gets gross. like roasting vegetables in the oven with olive oil, salt and pepper as a side to some protein. or a quick stir fry. those are easy oh shit this needs made now meals

theres also frozen or canned veggies but i dont like the texture of those. i know some people do though so thats worth a try!

[lowkeyrobin]

Hiii im a chronically ill and disabled person and I was wondering if you could do a Ranboo x gender neutral reader that’s having a doctors appointment (list of things they would do for comfort when reader is fearful of being there?) :3

hi!!! and yes of course I could!! hope you enjoy! sorry if anything seems a little inaccurate bc I took some stuff I already know and used it for this and stuff but everyone's different lmao

RANBOO ; minor nosocomephobia

summary ; you take ranboo to the doctors with you for some moral support

warnings ; language, talk about hospitals/illness, nail biting and nervous scratching

genre ; fluff

word count ; 578

masterlist

he notices you fidgeting around as you're making your way up the elevator, picking at your nails, scratching your wrists, frequently running a hand through your hair, etcetera

they silently rub your shoulder and give you a little comforting nod as you travel down to the office where the nurses were directing you

you guys have to wait like a fucking hour after the nurse checks your blood pressure and does some basic procedures and whatnot

meanwhile they eventually reach into their enormous pockets and pull out a little fidget toy for you

"you better stop picking at your nails before I smack you. slash lighthearted"

he ensures that while he blabbers on about dumb shit, that you at least smile or giggle

he understands that you're nervous and with the long amount of waiting, it doesn't make it any better, delaying it more just makes you more anxious

if your focus strays away from the fidget toy he brought for you, he's got three more don't even worry bro

while the doctor is asking you questions, you keep looking over at them like they're gonna speak for you because you don't know how to answer some of the questions

at one point you have no idea what the doctor meant because the words got jumbled in your head from the anxiety

ranboo quickly answered for you in a heartbeat and apologized, considering they saw you silent trying to think

while the doctor has you do some physical tests to make sure your heart is running at a "you-normal" pace, he's hyping you up

if you have to do a 6 minute walk to track the way your lungs and heart pump blood and give you air to breathe, he's at one end of the hallway quietly shouting compliments and getting you through it with a little less embarrassment

the doctor is confused but supportive of him doing this for you considering they always knew you seemed very anxious around the the hospital and you seemed a little less scared about it

whatever to get you talking a little more could really go the extra mile, they're happy that you found a good way to do that as well, especially with it being a person

if for any reason they need to stick tubes on you or take ultrasounds around your body, he'll let you squeeze his hand all that you need to

they promise you your favorite fast food/takeout afterwards that way you'll try and get through it a little smoother

if you need him outside the room to talk to your doctor, he leaves in a heartbeat, he'll never disrespect your privacy, don't worry

he took pictures of all your medication bottles before leaving since he knew you'd forget to

you guys both messily botch the names while trying to pronounce them and you and the doctor all get a laugh out of it

he writes down everything the doctor says/recommends for you

they talk with the doctor in private for a bit and stuff while you're signing papers and shit

the sigh of relief once you leave 😭 ran literally looks down at you with a "yeah?"

on the way back down to the parking garage you're still fidgeting with the little tangle they'd given you because obviously going to the doctors because you're chronically ill isn't the funnest thing ever

gives you a big hug once you get to the car

"see? you're so brave and awesome"

"well, thanks for coming with me"

[toporecall]

Chapter 3. Held Captive By The Ribbon 'Round My Neck

ok so like...don't kill me but there is a bit of mildly unhinged tamlin smut in this so sorry but its important to character development!!

AO3 or read under the cut

Prev chapters: [1] [2]

Chapter Summary: Feyre fantasizes about a certain High Lord, has an enlightening encounter with Tamlin, and tries to gain some power

Don’t let them change you, Feyre. In this world, you need to be your own weapon. Don’t ever forget that and don’t ever let them take your power.

Rhys’s words echoed in her head all the rest of the evening and through dinner. 

There was a silent agreement that no further negotiations would take place until the following day. Dinner was tense but cordial enough and eventually everyone began to retire to their rooms. Most people were staying at Spring Court overnight so negotiations could continue in the morning. It was an odd feeling, knowing how much power rested under one roof—at once comforting and frightening. It left Feyre feeling ill eat ease as she readied herself for bed. 

It was a warm night and she had her windows open. The room was only lit by the nearly full moon and a light breeze billowed the curtains every few minutes. Feyre washed herself and put on a sleeveless white nightdress that came to just above her knees. The top was made of lace, just opaque enough to hide what was beneath. It was one of the few pieces of clothing she’d been given here that she really enjoyed wearing—the tease of scandal hidden by the soft swirls of lace was enticing to her.

She laid on top of the sheets and let the warm breeze from the window wash over her skin as she stared out at the night sky lost in her own thoughts. The night sky was, of course, reminiscent of a certain male she was trying intently to keep out of her thoughts. She was no fool—she had recognized that feeling of anticipation building within her earlier. She knew she couldn’t even begin to entertain the idea of a dalliance with anyone, let alone another High Lord.

But it was impossible not to think about the way he looked at her, the way it seemed like he was one of the only people who really saw her. The way that every time she looked in his direction at the dinner table that evening, he seemed to already be looking her way as well.

Feyre’s hands began to drift—one sliding over the satiny fabric of her nightdress gathered between her legs, the other over her breasts, creating delicious friction with the lace over her sensitive nipples. She could indulge in just a little fantasy, right? It’s not as if anyone would ever know. And if she rubbed in just the right way she wouldn’t even need to go under her clothes…

Feyre heard the unmistakeable sound of a footstep outside of her room just in time to pull her hands back to her sides before the door opened. Tamlin walked in, shutting and locking the door behind him and Feyre hoped desperately that the moonlight was dim enough he wouldn’t be able to see her flushed skin.

“Tamlin,” she spoke softly, trying to steady her voice, “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Can’t a male pay his soon-to-be wife a visit?”

He pulled his shirt off and his muscled chest reflected the soft light of the moon. He began unbuckling his belt.

“Of course. I just thought with the guests here—”

“I’m not shy.” He climbed on the bed and over her, already hardening against her core as he buried his face against her neck. And suddenly, Feyre understood that his coming in here had very little to do with sex. Or, rather, had very little to do with desire. This was a reclaiming of power. A reminder of her position, of what was expected of her. She had toed the line today—at the meeting, in Tamiln’s office, in the archery game—and this was a reminder of what she was really here to do: to be a High Lord’s wife. 

Tamlin kissed a line down her throat, his hand running up her thigh to graze across her center.

“Wet for me already?” he murmured against the skin of her chest. 

“Mhmm,” she hummed. Maybe it was lucky she’d been touching herself just before he came in here.

 He pulled her panties off and pushed her nightdress up her waist. “Always ready for me. I love that about you.” 

He let his hard cock slide against her center, looking down at her with his green eyes. Feyre whimpered each time he slid himself up and brushed her clit. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy sex with Tamiln. She had, after all, fallen for him enough to agree to marry him. It was just that once they were engaged and the rush of a new relationship had worn off, he seemed to settle into something perfunctory. There was a distinct lack of presence that left her always wanting something more.

Tamlin leaned down and kissed her, capturing her lower lip between his teeth.

“You want this?” he asked, still teasing her entrance. Feyre nodded. He pushed into her and she whined at the sudden stretch. “That’s right.”

His teeth were at her collarbone then and he didn’t give her any time to adjust before setting a bruising rhythm. Feyre was breathless. The feeling of being filled did satisfy something primal within her but she kept feeling her thoughts drift and was becoming increasingly unable to keep herself from the awareness that somewhere in that building Rhys was in his bed, maybe thinking about her, maybe touching himself thinking about the things he wanted to—

Stop. Nope. Not going there.

Feyre slipped a hand between them, putting pressure on her clit as Tamlin fucked her. He seemed to like that, groaning against her skin. He pulled back slightly and slid a hand over her lower abdomen, pressing down in a way that made Feyre able to feel him deep inside of her. She whined and he laughed low under his breath.

“Soon we’ll be married,” he said, continuing to press down as he fucked her, “and I’ll fill you up the way I really want to. Put a baby in here so everyone who sees you knows you’re mine.”

Feyre moaned despite herself. She was very much not ready for that part of her life but something about the primal possessiveness of his speech soothed her in a strange way.

Tamlin’s thrusts became more erratic. He pulled out and moved his hand before finishing where he’d just been pressing on her. 

There was little ceremony after. He got her a towel to clean herself up, gave her a quick kiss goodnight, and went off to his own room, leaving Feyre alone once again. She hadn’t finished but the idea of touching herself now seemed less appealing. 

Power. She was learning that’s what it all came down to in this world—power.

Feyre didn’t want to be powerless. She didn’t want to be just a pretty bride filled with children. She wanted to do something, to protect her people. 

Suddenly, Beron’s voice floated through her mind: Surely a girl like you is smart enough to understand where her power lies.

And Feyre knew what she needed to do.

She did nothing more to prepare than to wash up again and tidy her hair before slipping out of her room and tiptoeing through the halls, going as far as holding her breath as she passed Tamlin and Lucien’s doors.

Maybe power didn’t look like what she thought when she’d arrived here but she wouldn’t be powerless. She’d spent her whole life in Spring Court and she’d be damned if she didn’t do all she could to help them. 

It was the middle of the night and the house was deserted, even of servants. She walked as softly and silently as possible to the other wing of the house where the guests slept. She’d caught a glimpse of Ianthe’s notes earlier that day and knew where each High Lord was sleeping.

Knew exactly where she could find Beron.

She climbed the stairs and turned down the hall where both the Winter Court and Autumn Court’s rooms were. Last door on the left. That’s where she would find Beron.

Her heart was hammering so loudly in her chest she was almost surprised it wasn’t echoing off the marble floors. She passed the first door, the second, the third, and finally stopped with her hand on the knob of the fourth and final door. The marble was cool under her bare feet but she felt uncomfortably hot, even in just her nightdress.

She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly through pursed lips to try to steady her nerves.

She’d open the door in three…two…

“Feyre,” a voice whispered from her left. 

It took all her willpower not to screech as she let go of the knob and jumped back from the door. She instinctively threw a hand over her mouth to silence her surprise. 

Rhysand stood in front of her, still fully dressed in his usual dark, well tailored clothing. Even in the dark hallway, his violet eyes seemed to shine. Feyre had no idea how he’d snuck up on her in the silence of the sleeping house. She hadn’t heard a single thing. Maybe the beating of her own heart had drowned out his steps.

She was struggling to catch her breath after that shock.

“I know what you’re doing,” he whispered.

“Then you also know why I’m doing it,” she whispered back. She didn’t bother questioning how he knew what she was doing. He seemed to know a lot of things he shouldn’t.

He eyed her carefully and she wasn’t sure if she imagined the heat in his gaze as he clocked her state of undress. Feyre felt goosebumps crawl across her skin and hoped it was too dark for him to notice. 

“There are other ways to help the people of Spring.”

“You said it yourself—I need to be my own weapon.”

He looked like he wanted to argue her point but was also wary of waking someone. “This was not what I meant,” he hissed.

Feyre took a bold step toward him, leaving only inches between their toes. Somewhere in the back of her mind she marveled at how much her life had changed. She’d gone from hearing rumors and stories of the Lord of Nightmares to standing toe to toe with him in her nightclothes.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t do the same for your people,” she said.

He did look her in the eyes. For a few long moments they stared each other down. His jaw clenched and unclenched until he finally sighed exasperatedly and looked at the ceiling instead.

“Just…be careful, Feyre. You’re playing a dangerous game.” He lifted a hand like he might reach out and touch her but then thought better of it, letting it drop back by his side. He looked at her for another long moment before turning and walking off silently toward his own room in another hall.

“I know,” Feyre whispered, so quietly she was almost sure he wouldn’t be able to hear her. 

She took a few moments to breathe and to steady her nerves before turning back to the door. Her hand rested on the cool metal of the knob. She could feel her pulse in her fingers, making the knob feel like a living thing beneath her hand.

She tried to get up the nerve to start her countdown again. Three, two, one and she’d go in and get it done. The people of Spring would have a place to go in the likely event they needed one. One night and she could potentially save thousands of people. 

Three, two, one. So simple.

“Fuck,” she cursed under her breath, letting go of the knob. “Fuck.”

She turned and went back to her own room. She couldn’t do it. Something about her interaction with Rhys had gotten under her skin. She threw herself onto her bed and pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes. 

So close. She’d been so close to getting up the nerve to go through with it.

She turned on her side, shunning the moon and stars behind her. She tried her hardest to let her thoughts drift and to fall asleep but to no avail. She spent the rest of the night tossing and turning in her bed until the sun started to rise and the morning light broke over the horizon.

--------------

taglist (let me know if you'd like to be added/removed!): @the-lonelybarricade @popjunkie42 @magic-and-ships @starfall-spirit @soopsiedaisies

[the-s1lly-corner]

Flirting with Ragatha

gonna write this then imma take a break because someone hit me with the "the bits in your thighs are going to ache for no reason" spell + i need to make breakfast </3 i think i might make some posts and que them since i got a lot of art wips i need to get finished and im kind of struggling between bouncing doing art and writing... on one hand que posts will let me have that unbroken focus on my art since i wont have to worry about juggling blogs... but on the other hand writing helps my brain... hmmm... and i also run the risk of forgetting to put something in the masterlist... i think i might try it just for today, after i stretch my legs and eat ill write up a post or two and schedule it to come out in a few hours

i think she would like classic romantic gestures such as being given roses or sweets...

i guess titling these posts as flirting isnt accurate since its generally just what gets them flustered rather than pick up lines and verbal flirting.. unless its the same thing.. shrugs

keeps a vase in her room specifically for the flowers you give her, if this is a real world au she keeps the vase in a main living area instead!

hold her hand while you guys walk, swing it a little. something that small is going to get her all soft and gooey, shes going to have this little smile on her face the entire time you guys are walking around

cringes a little at those dumb and cheesy pick up lines but theres still a love for them in there inside her, juuuust barely behind her thinned mouth and squinted eyes after you drop the most cringe line you can muster

i think she would have a secret love for those silly/funny/cheesy celebration cards, so give her those if you want to brighten her day

i like to think she keeps all the cards youve given her, too... handmade or otherwise!

speaking of handmade, gift giving is a big thing for her so throw that into the mix if you wanna melt her heart.. you get bonus points if you made it yourself

you make pick up lines inspired by her sewing and crafting stuff, shes gonna roll her eyes but her smile says it all

oh shes definitely the type to blush hard

like to her ears and neck hard, shes going to be completely pink all over but only when you do it/do something that REALLY gets her

thinks

oh she would definitely shoot some lines back

you guys wont go back and forth like other characters do with their own partner, but shes definitely returning the energy

[lumi-klovstad-games]

Hey, 343. We call "expanded universes" that for a reason.

It also hurt for those of us who actually LIKED Fireteam Osiris and saw potential in the characters. Halo 5 sets up a neat "Brothers in Arms" relationship between Chief and Locke like Chief had with Arbiter in 3, maybe even a little bit of Master & Apprentice, with Locke standing to learn a lot in the days and battles to come from the much older and more experienced Master Chief. But then the next game comes and... wait where is everyone? 343 wants me to buy more books?! A lot of fans already had to buy half a library's worth just to grock Halo 5, and here's 343 repeating that mistake again!

The Halo games really have just become a means by which 343 plugs the Halo novels. "There's a book that explains that" is the constant refrain I hear these days. No. I WANT THE GAMES TO EXPLAIN IT. The games are the only thing literally EVERY Halo fan buys. EXPLAIN IT IN THE GAMES.

I will give the audio logs in Infinite SOME credit for answering SOME questions I had, but mostly it was used to introduce irrelevant subplots that actually WOULD be better as a novel. Escharum doing his damnedest to keep the ragtag and ill-fitting family that are the Banished together with the disappearance of his protege Atriox, a warrior who was like a son to him, knowing full well he doesn't have Atriox's charisma and he can't maintain the cult of personality Atriox cultivated at the core of the Banished in the same way? Or a fireteam of Spartans, feeling lost and surviving without any real support, realizing that they'll likely die one way or another, deciding to risk it all on a single desperate all-or-nothing Hail Mary attempt at cutting the head off the snake, only to fail, with their only monument being their broken bodies, and their armor that Chief has to scavenge for gear with little if any knowledge of what happened to his comrades? These are plots TAILOR MADE for a spin-off novel. But instead a HUGE CHUNK of the total audio logs gets devoted to this kind of stuff, instead of explaining where Blue and Osiris are, if they survived, and setting up a reunion in a later story — you know, something actually relevant to Master Chief's story that connects with the plot players are already familiar with.

I get that 343 wants the Halo Universe to feel like this big connected thing while keeping the "mysterious" feel of the original trilogy, but for 343 that takes the form of locking players out of the loop: deny the players critical information necessary to understanding characters or the plot (even if the players can operate without that information) and then demand they cough up $8-15 a pop to gain access to that information (or just wait until Halopedia editors inevitably do). What they keep forgetting is that the original trilogy told players everything they needed to know as the game naturally progressed. The Bungie novels were interesting and sundry, but nothing they related was essential — not even The Fall of Reach (often considered the most important book in the expanded universe) was necessary to understand anything in the games proper. And then, when Bungie actually made a GAME about Reach, they made a point to showcase a separate cast of characters on a different part of the planet, playing a different role in the battle, with an entirely different team dynamic, all for the express purpose of keeping it so that the book wasn't essential to understanding what was going on. That's the secret that 343 just doesn't get: keep the books interesting, but keep them at arm's length — the GAME should tell the players everything they need to know.

More than game mechanics or graphics, if 343 can learn to tell stories in the games the way Bungie did, and learn to keep the books away from the games, then that alone will MASSIVELY improve Halo's appeal and bring back much of what was lost.

[sgt-morgan]

Mine all mine. 🌙🦋

Joel Miller x OC

Summary: late night ramblings.

Warnings: angst, pure unadulterated angst. Death of a character. Illusion to illness or cancer. The unnamed OC is AFAB and female identifying.

A/N: This is so fucking sad. It’s depressing. Do not be mad at me if you read it and are sad, I cried while writing it. I was listening to Mitski and Neil Young and I accidentally made this. I’m so sorry. Read at your own risk. I’ve been going through it so I needed this outlet.

Joel senses it before it happens. He knows all her little tricks and tells. Hell, he should, after about four years of sleeping next to her every night. Her every tick is tattooed on his brain, he can practically read her every movement behind his eyelids. She shifts a bit, and curls up on his chest and then he can feel the weight of her eyes on him, her chin digging into his chest. She’s staring at his face, and here any moment now, she’d run her fingertips down the bridge of his nose, over his lips, down his cheek, then she’d rest her hand on the side of his neck. She can’t sleep, or she won’t, doesn’t matter, if she wants him awake, he’ll be awake.

She traces her favorite path with ease, and he sighs into the calm feeling of sweet contact. Her little sweet, familiar, touches as she debates whether or not to bother him. She, of course, is not a bother, but she wouldn’t believe it. So he just waits as she plucks up the courage to start speaking. He gets impatient though, always wanting more of her, as much of her as he can get, so he decides to cave.

“Baby, can I help you?” He cracks an eye open to see her staring up at him with tired yet adoring eyes and he grins.

“No, I just love you.” She shakes her head and keeps staring. He stares right back, wanting to keep every bit of her he can locked away in his heart. He’s been trying to do that more, he knows he needs it he guesses, he still thinks there are pieces of her his memory will never properly replicate. He hopes he’s wrong.

“Ok,” he nods, running a hand up and down her back in a soothing motion. “You’re still awake?” It’s a rhetorical question, he knows she’s awake obviously, he just hasn’t picked up on the why yet.

“Yeah,” she nods, gently rubbing her cheek on his chest and inhaling his scent. “I’m tired, but I’m not sleepy.”

Joel peeks at the alarm clock to see its 11:50. Not terrible, it’s not 3 am, he figures she’s probably in pain, so she’s not sleeping well. He forgets the clock, it doesn’t matter, he’d never sleep again if he thought she needed him.

“Ok,” he nods again, pressing a kiss to her hair. “ whatcha thinking about?” He runs a hand through her hair and scratches the base of her scalp. If she could purr he thinks, she’d be as content as a cat, she loves when he plays with her hair, always has.

“When we get married, I wanna do it on the beach.” She mumbles, lightly biting his arm before kissing him in the same spot. “I wanna go out of the way of a lot of people so people who I’m obligated to invite won’t come to my destination wedding.” She starts running a finger up and down his face again and he just nods and listens to her start talking about everything and nothing. “I also think it would be really funny to make Ellie and Sarah the flower girl and ring barer. I want my sister to officiate, and I think that we should make my brother an usher, just to piss him off. June can be the made of honor. Also? I don’t wanna wear shoes under the dress. I just think they’re uncomfortable.” He hums in approval.

“Yeah, that way I can wear boots and it won’t seem weird.” He nods.

“Exactly,” she shifts again, laying flat in his arm next to him and stares up at the ceiling, silent for a moment. “I think pink would look really ugly on me, so we can’t use that as the wedding color.”

“Yeah, we should do green, looks good on you.” Joel nods.

“Yeah, sold,” she nods. “Harvest moon by Neil young is out first dance.” She says, wrapping an arm around Joel’s again from this new position on her back. He turns his face over to look at her, her eyes are a puffy purple color, and her lips are cracked. A cough wrenches from her chest, and he doesn’t say anything, just watches her. Soaks up the tone of her voice and the color of her eyes, even though they’re bloodshot and exhausted.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll make Bill play it on the piano. He’s got the talent.” He nods, listening to her breath rattle in her chest. He breathes in the smell of her, it’s muffled by sweat and sickness, but he wants it imprinted in his skin and on his brain.

“We should do a bonfire instead of an actual afterparty or reception or whatever.” Her breathes keep getting shallower and shallower, her words are slurring. He can feel the tears press behind his eyes, but he won’t acknowledge them, and he damn sure won’t let her see them. “Couple coolers of beer and someone’s car radio. That kinda thing.”

“I like it, casual but fun.” He nods, pulling her closer and burying his nose in her hair.

“Do you think she’ll like me?” She wonders, the words are getting spacey and unintelligible, but he doesn’t mind, he knows what she’s asking.

“Oh sure, she’s gonna love you.” Joel nods, running a hand up and down her arm. Then everything is quiet and he just lays there, soaking her in, he wants to scream for Ellie, but she saw her this morning, Ellie already knows everything she needs to hear from her, so he decides to be selfish, wants her to relax into this. Her eyes drift around seeing things he can’t, but god does he wish he could.

“My sister, she looks so much like my mom now.” She mumbles. “And my brother is tall, I didn’t think he would be tall.” She laughs. “My mom always fussed with his clothes, I wonder if she’s gonna fuss with mine, think my dress is gonna fit?”

“Course, it’s gonna be great, you’re gonna be the prettiest bride out there.” He nods, letting a tear soak into his pillow. He pulls her that much closer, trying to memorize the press of her against his skin.

“Oh wow, my June is so pretty.” She says breathless. “She doesn’t look a thing like her daddy thank god, she’s gonna love you.” She laughs, but it’s a wet,rattling thing. It hurts his chest. “I bet she and Sarah are gonna be best friends.” There’s that silence again, he lets her think. He would t dare interrupt whatever she’s seeing right now. Then she gasps.

“She’s got your eyes.” She says with such conviction, and he looses his last bits of restraint. He knows who she’s talking about. “Joel, she’s beautiful. You were right, she’s sweet.” Joel can’t help the sobs that wrack his body now, but he knows she doesn’t notice them, he wouldn’t be crying if he thought she could. She turns to him suddenly, and it would be startling if her eyes weren’t so radiant and happy.

“Oh hey there cowboy, I love you.” she grins as if meeting him that first time all over again and he beams at her and mouths it back through his tears. “What’s a girl gotta do to get a kiss?” She teases and he can’t help but grin.

“All you ever have to to is ask.” He sniffles and kisses her with every ounce of love he can find in his body. He breathes every last piece of his soul he has left in him into that kiss. It’s a wretched thing, torn up and sad, but it’s her’s. He wants her to have it, to take it with her. She’ll know what to do with the pieces, she’ll mend it and give it back when he sees her again. When he pulls back her eyes are closed, she looks peaceful, he won’t try and wake her. He’ll spare himself the false hope. He doesn’t want to disturb her anyway.

“You just get ready up there, you hear?” He whispers, tucking her hair behind her ears. “You get all dressed up, and you practice your dancing. I’ll see you on the beach. I’ll wear my boots, and my tie for you ok? You just stand at the end of the aisle and look pretty. I’ll see you as soon as I get there.” He looks miserably at the window where the breeze floats into the room, casting moonlight over the sill. A little butterfly is on the sill, he smiles when he sees it.

“Thanks for coming to get her Sarah.” He huffs a laugh and lays there holding her a while longer. It’s the last chance he’ll get after all.

When morning breaks, Tommy finds Joel sitting under the tree behind his house. He’s got her jacket across his lap and her locket curled in his fist. The dirt is piled up neatly and a little wooden cross is on top of it, her name neatly carved into it as well as a little moon. Tommy knew this was coming. Knew it from the moment Joel came barreling out of the doctors after you inexplicably collapsed on a patrol. It was awful, watching her suffer like that. It nearly killed them all, but she was a trooper. Through all of the pain, and sickness, and loss of function, she stood strong. She smiled and laughed and reminded them all they would be ok. Hell, she was so damn cheerful throughout the whole thing he almost believed they would be. He didn’t believe it now.

“She had to go get ready, we’re getting married yah know?” Joel sniffs and raises to dust himself off. He pats Tommy on the shoulder. Tommy knew about this, the planned wedding in the spring. She talked about it when she felt her worst, planning a wedding that would never happen, but if it made her smile they would plan her a wedding on mars. It was whatever got them through it, that was the rule, whatever made the day go by.

Tommy doesn’t know what to say, what to do to make it better, so he doesn’t say anything. He just sheds a tear and nods, patting his brother on the back. “I put the stuff that’s useable in a box on the porch, get em to who needs em. That’s what she wanted. Hope you don’t mind me keeping this though.” He runs his hands over the fabric of her coat and shakes his head.

“Of course not Joel, that’s fine. Keep whatever you want. I’ll take- um.” Tommy clears his throat and sniffs. “I’ll take the box to Maria.”

Joel nods. “I’ll uh, I’ll just go give this to Ellie.” He runs a thumb over the locket he’s holding. “She’s got her other jacket.” Tommy nods and his eyes are suddenly drawn to a set of rings on a new chain around Joel’s neck.

“She told me to hold onto em till the wedding. Says she would loose them.” Joel sniffs. “I’ll just. I’ll just go see Ellie.” Tommy hopes Ellie doesn’t give him a hard time, they may not be on speaking terms, but she is their only level ground. They don’t fight when she’s involved. He hopes that the kid lets him back in, he looks bitterly at the grave and presses and hand to his lips. Joel whistles a tune as he walks away, and Tommy’s eyes press closed when he recognizes it. He can’t help the bitter sob that wracks through him, heartbroken once again for his big brother, unable to fathom how one person can keep loosing so much and still keep going. Still, Joel’s tune wraps around him like a hug. It’s their song.

“Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you

On this harvest moon.”

[bearsinpotatosacks]

If anyone wanted to know the ideas I have for the Bear, here's the list so far

Current WIP: Richie, after everything failing and falling apart in s3, after how tired he is, and how he thinks he's alone, spirals. Syd's leaving, the Bear gets a bad review, Jimmy pulls the funding and it's looking like they’re going to close. He can't take losing everything again, he can't take being the one to put everyone back together again.

So one night, he writes everyone letters and tries to end his own life. He ends up calling the paramedics and we see the immediate aftermath of Tiff getting the call as she's next of kin, her telling Frank, telling Eva and telling the staff of the Bear. The staff trying to visit but Richie only letting Nat in as she knew the most about how tired he was and how alone he felt. Very angsty, also abstract at the moment as I'm writing particular scenes but am finding it hard to connect them

A follow on from this is: The Bear closes and most people move to the new restaurant, or the Bear reforms as something new. Richie and Jess start dating. She unlocks a hidden side to Richie that even he didn't really think about, his more submissive side that likes someone else taking control, likes just doing what he's told and getting praise, likes things getting rough because he trusts her. He gets a massive bruise on his neck when they go a little further than usual and everyone’s concerned. He ends up embarrassingly having to tell people he's a kinky bitch

A more fleshed out idea: Richie and Syd are closing up when he spots someone about to break in. He hides Syd in the walk in and faces the intruders who hit him around a bit, try to rob the place, then smack his head against the bar when he tells them there's no cash on the premises (something tells me people pay beforehand when booking or they're card only). He tries to fight them when they get distracted but ends up being shot and they run away with his phone. Syd's been messaging Carmy, who rushes back to find Richie unconscious and Syd in the walk in. Richie goes loopy with blood loss as they try to stop the bleeding and keep him awake, awakening Carmy to their secret relationship. They get him to hospital, he has surgery, and there’s a lot of talking done while they wait for him to get out.

And a new one from today: Syd returns to the Bear after realising that Shapiro's offer is good on paper, Carmy becomes a hands off boss to let himself heal. Syd and Richie start dating, 2 years later they go to the James Beard Award Ceremony as they were nominated, she forgets her birth control snd ends up pregnant. A few fics follow her realising she wants the baby, them telling her dad, Nat, Carmy and Tiff, them telling the crew at the Bear when it's getting hard to hide as her chef blouse thing doesn't fit anymore, her and Richie arguing over names, her having an induced labour and c-section that goes wrong and ends up with her needing an emergency hysterectomy, people visiting after the birth, and the baby's christening

Then some more brief ones

Richie gets ill and people look after him, wrote about this here

Richie’s parents visit the Bear, wrote this post about it pre-season 3 so there's some adjustments but it's mostly the same

A follow on from the fic I posted where Syd tells Carmy about the offer, starts having a panic attack, Richie calms her down then has a massive argument with Carmy where he reveals a lot of personal shit that he's never gone into from the last months of Mickey’s life to Carmy showing up at the Bear

Richie gets Syd over to help him batch cook and they fuck about it

Syd helps cater Eva’s birthday party and has to dress up as a princess so comes in as Tiana, Richie's wearing some fake alligator suit as the alligator from the Princess and the Frog

[smallestapplin]

I think it would be cute if a newbie pokemon researcher was trying to put a Pokemon that belongs on Mount silver back into it's natural habitat after they were stolen by poachers/learn about Pokemon on mount silver without disturbing them and like...ended up nearly dying from the cold trying to protect said/a Pokemon bc the cold is evil and I hate it

And Red stumbles upon this poor idiot, and notices that they're not:

1) trying to prove themselves

2) trying to find him

3) being a general overly proud dick about things

So decides to bring them up back to his cave home so they can study more pokemon (nicely and unobtrusively to the Pokemon's lives) instead of just dropping them at the bottom like he usually does with any idiot that climbs his mountain

Local mountain idiot gets a visitor but this person is be completely unconcerned about his existence (aside from studying his ice type traits) and he's living for being practically ignored

:D!!! Baby bro! It’s nice to have you here!!

First time writing in third person! So I hope I didn’t mess that up lol.

-

-

Red has never been so dumbfounded in his life.

Staring at the person with the same blank expression, but he couldn’t help but think they must be dense.

They come to Mt.Silver ill prepared, it’s obvious to Red this person has never been up a mountain like this before.

Yet as he gets closer to their fallen and shaking form, he sees what they are holding.

A Larvitar? The poor thing looks rough, but is hanging onto you for dear life.

Red looks to the sky, the blizzard won’t be letting up anytime soon. He silently sighs, he can’t exactly just leave you here.

He pauses in front of them, their eyes locking with his.

Yet they don’t move, they don’t say anything, only holding the Pokémon closer.

Do they not want to battle him? Is that not what they came up here?

He knows the Pokémon lives in the caves around here, so what are they doing?

He can’t just leave them here to die.

With a muted grunt he lets out his Charizard, letting the fire type carry them and the smaller Pokémon.

Looking at them, they seemed so weak, too weak to speak.

By the time they awake, they are in a warm den, surrounded by a Charizard and Snorlax keeping them extra warm, while the Larvitar sleeps on their lap.

Red offers them some soup he made. He watches their face morph into one of confusion, looking around, as if trying to find something.

“Thank you.”

They take his soup carefully as he nods.

Red finds the den much too warm, but he doesn’t know what this person wants, or even why they are up here.

Yet they sit in silence.

They seem a little antsy, but Red doesn’t seem to care.

Even after they were finished eating, they sit there anxiously.

“Um…thank you again, sir.”

Red nods and waved his hand, it was no problem.

“Actually I uh, I came up here to return this Larvitar to its home, and maybe study some Pokémon that live up here too.”

He eyes them suspiciously.

They haven’t done anything, haven’t challenged him, haven’t sassed him like that one brat, and have been polite.

What’s the harm in letting them stay a bit? Or at least visit?

When he signed this at them, he was expecting them to ask for paper.

But they grew excited.

“Really? Thank you! I know I’ve said that a bit now, but really!”

For the first week he kept an eye on them, making sure they don’t hurt any Pokémon, or get hurt themselves.

But they watch from a distance.

Half the time Red forgets they are there.

But when he catches them, it’s like they are studying him too.

He guesses it is weird, he is on a mountain top in casual clothes.

You’re probably trying to figure it out.

He silently snorts to himself.

This person is a strange one.

But he can’t help but find their company amusing.

Especially since you don’t realize what he’s frozen.

You’re a good kid.

You don’t question when his den is much colder than it should be, you only cuddle with his fire type more.

[eviltiddyprodnz]

Queen Charlotte : A Bridgerton Story Review

SPOILERS !!!! watch out bae <333

honestly, ngl I watched this show only because of the chemistry in the teaser. like the wall scene encouraged me to watch it. Bridgerton is always a little hit and miss for me in a I could not finish season 1 for the life of me but watched the next one like 8 times.

It felt a little too fast paced and people began pissing me off from episode 1 but I reminded myself it was a historical show. Although her brother just signing her away and then saying 'shut up, it's already done' made me so mad ??? like let her react ??? even further down the episodes even when he's concerned, he's like oops sorry, already done now like bitch ??? 😭😭😭 so just #uselesss and annoying !!! I am sorry his little burst @ her got me because she didn't even have time to react !!!

The wall scene comes and I'm practically ready to jump but then to me it felt like the show was going 80 kms/min I was like woah woah woah, why is he saying all the right things... this is just moving too fast. (i want to gloat about being right about being suspicious but the way all i knew i was it felt shady, still had no idea what was coming fr 😭)

they were so cute and tender :'(((( ! like this is what the show kept doing to me till we got George POV. I kept on thinking we were just skipping conversations or moving too fast or just going at it because chemistry !!! but one thing about me, i'll see a romance show through and i'm kinda glad.

the show moves too quickly in the first 3 episodes for me, especially if you're binging it like me. a part of me is glad like yes babe! keep kissing each other (their chemistry is insane!) but the other part is like ??? you're not even going to talk about things. like initially i was even mad that he got to decide when they saw each other and got to be with her with a small ass apology. (the pov episode does so much for us as an audience but my girl was #robbed of many explanations)

they look great together!!! like even when she heard his outburst from the door and thought that he married her and is miserable. you could see both of them really liked each other which is why you keep waiting for an explanation, although i was wondering since they dropped each other's hands QUICKLY post coronation did the king not find it weird that she suddenly is angry ??? maybe i'll catch things on a rewatch. like he's ready and has moved in with her !!! but is not curious that she's visibly angry ???

i also will use this post to say everytime someone is not there in the morning after scenes with their partner, a part of me dies !!! unless they have gone to bring you food, you better be cuddling mate !

i for some reason called Brimsley and Renoylds little romance, i just felt vibes and yet I yelped happily when they started making out while wondering what is wrong with the king lmaooo. #real and also the actual power couple of the show! their interactions made the show worthwhile and i love how both of them were ready to risk all sorts of conduct because of how much they cared for these bozos. trust me their hands slowly touching each other had me waiting breathless because for a second i thought they were about to break up 😭 i wanted to see them grow old together

back to the king and queen shenanigans, honestly i thought that the king had just grown forgetful or just had old people problems in the og show so i was actually surprised when he ran out of the house looking for Venus.

episode 4 is we get George's pov and honestly for a bit my stubborn ass was still not ready to hear explanations till I saw him crumble into his mom's arms and it broke my heart. :( (i do not know what the illness is so i am not going to assume or probably read other posts and learn but it feels like anxiety is always a trigger for it and i felt like leaping in like a protective mother everytime someone put him in that situation)

the actor is so good with tender eyes, like the way he looked at her made me wipe out all of the memories of the earlier 3 episodes and go awwww you love her. that doctor was shady from the jump and just kept on getting worse, like the way i wanted to actually k!ll him. like he actually seemed to be enjoying the torture he was doling out on this poor man... with the obsessive need to tame him like WHEN I CATCH YOU ! (nasty ass loser, like when he spoke about taming the wolf i just knew he was not okay...) practically used the shaving routine as a way to threaten the king! loserrrr

i love that her calling that small dog a deformed bunny is what makes the king laugh (which is a relief to see post doc torture) and is what brings him out of this, and he's like fuck this shit! i'm seeing my wife. both the actors are so gorgeous...

also i am a sucker !!! for POVS and this one came with explanations so i was even a bigger sucker

Renoylds just placing a hand on the king's shoulder did more than what the dumbass doc's aggressive slaps or methods could do...

one night with the queen, one dance with the queen and the king was like i'm all healed up he's just like me !!! he was so in love lmao

then he has the episode and the queen handles it well, but he wakes up alone

the queen was fully right for asking questions but once again like the first heard the conversation through the doors, instead of even slight miscommunication, we get no communication. btw, she's pregnant too (which starts the venus panic in the first place) , blessings ! she actually begins to show a full bump and btw this is where i think the timeline fully goes helter skelter for me because did he just leave her for months and worse did he get TORTURED FOR MONTHS???

my girl is about to leave and a lot happens and i'm running out of word limit so i'll save that for another post but a chat with lady danbury #mygirl pushes the queen into the king's place and she rescues him. I NEEDED THAT BAD like you do not understand for a second i was convinced that the doctor would break him and the queen and the king would never even be able to say i love you, like i thought he'd somehow freeze in that moment right there (it is stupid but like i was actually afraid)

she saves him, they tell each other they love her and like i'm ready to go to war for them atp, they are so tender in the way they hug and you can see relief in his eyes, in her eyes and you let go of a breath you didn't know you were holding.

i love how she lets him heal but more in how she takes care of him when she can feel panic rise and his hands shake and how he calms listening to his voice ( take that nasty violent ass doctor)

the way they lied under the bed and he was afraid he would never be fully there for her and understood if she wanted to leave and she said fuch that! i love you and you're just george, just george to me <3

anyway, i feel a wave of sleep coming because i intelligently watched this at 2 am and it is 6 now but the last two episodes were me just awwing at the screen watching him trust her and himself and be happy with her. i'm so happy he got to share that with her

the children, lady danbury and violet thing I'll get onto later

the scene where the king's mom tells the queen that he's happy because of her is so sweet because it is reminiscent of the dance scene where she also realised he was happy happy.

i love how he swoops his arms around her !!! he's happy and safe <333

also this is where the timeline shakes me up because my girl is already pregnant??? AGAIN??? i feel like he helped her deliver their first baby in the same episode LMAOOOO

anyway text limit warning but yeah i liked it

[littleracha]

Me + Cg!minnie on our way to the bug convention to "look" at all the pretty bugs! Totally noy....gonna come home with new pets, nope. No way.

-🌿

Ahhhhh! So cute! Daddy Seungmin made sure he was extra prepared for today. He knew how excited you were and he wasn't going to ruin it by forgetting something.

You had been extra down recently between work and all your other responsibilities, claiming there was no time to be small when Seungmin questioned it. So when he heard about a local bug show coming through town he knew exactly what to do. He bought tickets in secret and waited a whole 3 days before he told you. When he came in to wake you up on your day off, you were more than annoyed. You tried to turn around and go back to sleep but Seungmin caught your attention.

"But little bug, I have a surprise for you," he said in a soft and fake sad tone. You turned around in an instant and he saw the way your eyes sparkled with hints of regression. So close, he just had to keep going. "Surprise?" your voice was slightly slurred from either slipping or sleep, he wasn't sure.

"Little spider, I can just keep the surprise for myself if you'd like, you can go to sleep, and ill go to the fun place" you pounced on him now. No way was he going somewhere fun without you! Seungmin grabbed the tickets out of his pocket and handed them to you. "Can you read that for me buggy?"

'BUG SHOW' was written in big font on the front of the tickets. That was all you needed to read before you were fully regressed. You looked up at Minnie with childlike wonder and then bolted to get ready.

"Daddy! Hurry up, I don't want to miss the buggies!" you yelled out of excitement. Min came up behind you and gently got down on your level. "I know you are excited sweetie, but let's remember our manners okay?"

The car ride was filled with excited bounces and a smitten Seungmin. He loved seeing you like this. Finally, you weren't dealing with all the stress that came with your life, you can just enjoy the little things. He wished he could have it like this forever. You could just be his sweet little one having all the fun in the world and he would carry the weight of everything else.

Finally, you arrive at the bug show and Seungmin feels a little dumb for not putting on the child safety locks. In a flash of a second, you were out the door and running towards the building. He somehow managed to keep up with you and grab you before you got too far. He held you up and spoke in a loving but stern tone.

"We do not run away from Daddy, you hear me little one? You are going to hold my hand the whole time while we are here. If you want to go somewhere or do something just tell Daddy. If you run off one more time we will have to go home, got it?" You nodded your head and with a quick kiss on your cheek, he put you down.

You two walked through the bug show and at every new exhibit you had to explain all the facts you knew. Seungmin came prepared for the bugs you didn't know much about. He packed your 'buggy book' as he called it, which was filled with all sorts of facts. Some others even listened in on your fact-sharing speeches.

After some lunch and a bit of ice cream, you and Minnie began to head to the last exhibit. This was the part Seungmin worried about. He was going to have to tell you this was the last stop, then home. He could already see your teary eyes in his mind. He loved being you CG but hated when he had to end all the fun. Lost in his thoughts he didn't see you wander to a tank with pretty colors. The woman who owned the booth was speaking to you.

"Daddy look! This one is you" You pointed to the bug in the enclosure. The name on the tag said 'Rhyothemis Fuliginosa aka Butterfly Dragon'. The bug had a beautiful set of green, blue, and yellow iridescent wings. But when the lighting changed they turned deep blue and black. You looked at it with pure fascination…and then you saw the for sale sign. Seungmin would have sworn that was the biggest he had ever seen your eyes before. Maybe one bug wouldn't hurt. If it meant fewer tears on the way home then he would be more than willing to get you this little bug friend.

So how you ended with a butterfly dragon, a giant cockroach, a tarantula, and a goliath beetle; Minnie will never know. But to see the look on your face as you both drove home was priceless.

[pugwitharug]

For headcanons, M6 with an MC who still has red Plauge sympthoms ? 👀

Ooooooooh I've seen this floating around, me likey. Also I think you mean they still have the symptoms but aren't sick, so I'm gonna write that

GN Reader, who knows when this takes place tbh, it's probably not too long after the main game and they probably had it the whole time, spoilers for Asra's, Julian's, and Lucio's route

🔮Asra Alnazar🔮

Oh he feels like shit about it

When he brought you back, he sacrificed so much to see you again, and when you opened your eyes and the sclera was the telltale red of the plague, the remaining half of his heart drops

You don't even know. You're so innocent in those first few weeks. You don't know anything about yourself, about what happened, and you don't understand why people give you a wide berth when you go with him to the market, and he can't even tell you

However, he just has to deal with it

Some of the other symptoms seem to be similar to fever, like looking pale and always being hot, so people always think you're sick but really you just look like that lol

The red veins look cool tho so you've got that going for you

Back to always being hot, he makes sure that you have lots of water on you, gets you fans on his travels, carries an umbrella with him, and makes sure you wear light and flowy clothing so that you're not passing out in the middle of the market

If you're uncomfortable with how you look because of the symptoms, he'll definitely get you clothes or other articles to cover them up. Gotta make sure you're fashionable

One of his ways of showing love is giving gifts, and he wants to make sure you're comfortable with something you can't control

👑Nadia Satrinava👑

She had to witness the Plague essentially wipe out her city, all while the people who were supposed to help sat by the wayside and let it all happen. Needless to say she's a little bit angry at the whole Plague

Not at you of course! Just at the fact that you're still tainted by it when it was thought to be gone

Once you explain that you only look like you have the Plague and have a few minor symptoms but you're not actually sick, she does feel a little better

She probably....*sighs* she might have to avoid letting you be with her in public for a while. It's a lose-lose situation, you're gonna get weird looks and people's respect for her is gonna drop and nothing's gonna get done

But once that's over with she's showing you off honey (only as much as you're comfortable with of course)

Prakra is in the north I believe and it's hotter there, so she has plenty of experience with heat. She helps keep your fever down when it flares up and, like Asra, gets you gorgeous fans and parasols and flowy clothing to help keep you comfortable

She utilizes her ice cold glare at anyone who wants to be rude to you >:3

She'll also make sure no one bothers you if you feel like crap and you don't wanna get out of bed, except for the doctor to make you feel better

No matter what you look like, she will always love you, and she will make sure everyone knows this

⚰️Julian Devorak⚰️

Twinsies! (angsty)

Okay, but really, his first approach is the doctorly one. He's checking you all over, trying to figure out how far along your illness is and how long he has until you've left him...

Again.

(assuming he knows you before you died at least)

He's stumped when all the results come out negative for the Plague. After constant reassurance, he has nothing to do but accept that this is just some strange magic stuff that's out of his league.

Tracing your red veins...........while you sleep.........or while he thinks you're asleep....................nnnnnnngh

This man has poor circulation so he sticks his hands under your shirt to warm them up. And also to mess with you and laugh when you scream lol

He also stands over you and flares out his big dumb (affectionate) jacket when you forget an umbrella and it's hot out. Kids keep mistaking him for a vampire tho and they run away and he always feels so bad

He might still be looking for a cure during the night when you're asleep. Even though he knows the Plague is over and Lucio is dead/dead adjacent, it still hurts his heart a little to see you like this

He wants to fix you, even if it drives him to death......again

🐻Muriel of the Kohkuri🐻

He wasn't super affected by the Plague itself, more just by Lucio's existence, so he's not super affected by you having symptoms

And the animals aren't gonna care, and it's not like anyone who doesn't know of your condition is gonna come over, so he just lets it be

If any of the symptoms do start bothering you he of course will help. He knows herbal medicine so he can help bring a fever down or deal with aches and bad coughs

Healing kisses from Inanna!! :3

He tries to keep you from doing very strenuous work sometimes, like lifting a bunch of logs for the fireplace, and if you're really stubborn about it he'll just carry you instead. Mountain man will use his mountain arms

He'll gently stroke your head if you're having a hard time sleeping.....getting up to get you water if need be.....telling you stories to try and lull you to sleep........listen to you cry if that's causing you problems.................somft

On the rare occasions you do have to go into town, he'll swallow his apprehension to follow you and give death glares to anyone who wants to try and make a comment

Loaning you his cloak :3 loving and protecting you dearly :3 :3 :3

🐱Portia Devorak🐱

She has no connection to the Plague so it doesn't affect her at all! She just thinks you look sick as hell!

Like......literally! Are you okay?

You have to explain to her what's going on but after that it's all good

Pepi loooooooves how warm you are. She always wants to snuggle with you during the winter. Then again I think Portia is also pretty warm so she's a little jealous lol

Sunhat and parasols to keep you cool! It's also fashionable in the summer >:3

She probably makes vampire jokes about you ngl (only if you're comfortable with it tho)

S............skin..........skinnydip...........skinny-dipping............*falls into hole*

If you're ever feeling bad about how you look she is there to lift you up 110%. No one's gonna feel bad about their appearance on her watch!

Also tracing your veins. Yes

She says they look like plant roots :3

You're always comfortable with her, no matter what. She is the comfy QUEEN!

🐩Lucio Morgasson🐩

Twinsies! (happy)

Okay obviously he's not entirely happy about you looking like you have the Plague cuz that reminds him of all the horrible shit he's done

But damn if you two don't look good together

He'll give you makeup tips on how to show off your red eyes and really make them the centerpiece of your outfit

And he'll give you glamorous outfits that compliment your skin tone and red veins

People might think you're siblings if you match well enough

He's also showing you off to everyone in the classic Lucio style, but it might be a bit much. If it is he'll send everyone out of the castle...classic Lucio style

If you're more of an introvert he'll try to keep the parties small, and he actually will! He loves to party but he also loves to respect your boundaries!

There will be moments, of course, when he has an existential crisis and starts spiraling downhill with flashbacks of being a ghost and the fire and the beetles and the red flooding his vision and the cold, cold forest and the way the snow crunches under his feet and the horrible sounds of--

Take his hand. Kiss the back of it. Listen to him. It's alright. Breathe. You're here. You forgive him

Or maybe you don't idk

Either way he always wants to show you off no matter what and let everyone know how much he loves you

[heartofstanding]

150-word meme

It's been over four years since I've done one of these and my creativity has been on fire lately (lots of ideas, not much writing, alas) so I figured it was time to bring this back and since we've now got the ability to option to add polls, I added a poll option.

Behind the cut is a list of current WIP projects (with excerpts). You can vote for one fic in the poll at the bottom and/or send me an ask with at least one number (you can send more than one number if you want) and I will write 150 words in the equivalent fic.

1. The Birth (Henry and baby Hal, modern AU).

‘Hal?’ Henry said. ‘Our baby,’ Mary said, looking a little hurt. ‘I thought we were going to call him Harry?’ he said. ‘He looked more like a Hal than a Harry to me,’ Mary said as if that solved everything. Henry didn’t know how that worked. Their son looked like a gremlin, not like a Harry or a Hal or like anything that should have a name that wasn’t Uglik the Wailing One.

2. this single knife in my heart (Hal’s perspective of his dagger incident/’but it is my knife and my heart too’)

‘Do you have any idea what you will say to him?’ ‘Well, I won’t make the mistake of asking him to abdicate, if that’s what you mean.’ Beaufort coloured dully and bent over his plate. ‘I thought it was the best thing to do – you know he hadn’t been well for years. I did not realise how poorly he would take it, how could I? It was the same logic he himself used with Richard. He was unfit as king, he could not carry on – why not give the throne away and enjoy one’s final years without the troubles? It was reasonable, wasn’t it?’ ‘The unreasonable part was saying any of that to my father’s face.’

3. untitled sodomy fic (Hal finds out Courtenay is gay)

‘Beaufort says you are a sodomite,’ he said. ‘It is a clerical vice, Hal.’ ‘It’s still a sin.’ ‘What, a vice a sin? I never knew that,’ said Courtenay. ‘I thought all vices were virtues. Indeed, in acting on my vice, I might have performed many a good deed for others and so be said to be virtuous…’

4. the wellspring (Joan of Kent/The Black Prince proposal)

‘Come out with me tomorrow,’ he says. ‘What?’ ‘We could go riding,’ he says. ‘Pass through the forest and the fields, go up to the moors. Or else have a hunt.’ She drinks deeply from her cup. She thinks, this is madness. She thinks, it would be good to leave the silent, still walls behind her and go through the world, breathe the free air. ‘It’s raining.’ ‘It’ll clear.’

5. she’s not coming home tonight (Philippa leaves England)

‘Will you tell me,’ Philippa said, ‘about our mother?’ Harry was silent for a long moment, his face still. ‘Why do you want to know?’ She bit her lip. ‘No one talks about her or when they do, they just say she was lovely as if that means anything.’

6. some rift, a hollow (Henry meets his son again after Bradmore's cure)

Henry thinks: O God, I am ill. I will die and Harry will be king and everyone will see his face. The longer he lies there and nothing changes, he understands it is only the relief of seeing Harry alive and well that has made him collapse. Then, he thinks: my son is here! My son will be well again! My son lives! I will keep my children safe. I will love Harry better. I will be a good man! I will learn mercy and forgiveness, I will take the penance the Almighty gives me meekly, whatever form it takes. I will go barefoot to Jerusalem to give thanks! Then, Richard’s voice: will you? You promise and promise and promise and then forget or find excuses. Do you forget I have the measure of your soul? You will do none of these things.

7. night's sister (Philippa of England gets visited by her sister's ghost)

It’s one of those strange kind of nights where Philippa’s skin prickles and she cannot lie peaceably in bed. After the winter solstice, day is fleeting and night stretches on seemingly forever. They go to bed early and wake late but in the midst of night, Philippa wakes and cannot go back to sleep. Her body feels heavy and strange, her hands slipping over it. At seventeen, she is almost a woman; she has carelessly shucked off the body she left England with and found herself in a different one, one with breasts and a body that wants some days and bleeds others.  At seventeen, she is as old as Blanche was when she died. She still feels too young to lie beneath her husband or to grow a child within her body, though Blanche, at seventeen, had done both and died with a second child half-grown within her belly. Philippa rolls over in her bed.

8. the silver blessing (Blanche's birth)

Mary takes her penance as meekly as a lamb and when her confessor leaves her, she moves, standing up and striding towards the window. Her fingers curl into fists, she straightens them and smooths out her skirts. He said, it is a mother’s duty to render up her child so that they may be all they can be. Think of the Virgin, giving up her Son to the Lord’s will. But the Virgin was special, chosen for God to carry her Son and give him, and she had borne what no mother should be made to bear and grieved most sorrowfully, even though she was specially chosen. Mary, at least, does not have to bear the Virgin’s sorrows. Not truly. She is giving her eldest son up but only to her own mother to raise for a time. Six months, perhaps, a year at most. And throughout that time, she will visit her mother and her mother will visit her. It will be bearable. It will be good for Harry too. He will have time on his own, Maman will help him grow in confidence and learning. But Mary will still miss him.

9. should've come with a warning (modern AU, set in a "everybody lives" fix-it verse. In the aftermath of her relationship with Louis Pfalz, Blanche has lunch with Joan of Kent.)

‘Is there anything you’d like to do?’ said Mum. ‘We don’t have to go to Richard’s for lunch, I can text him with an excuse.’ ‘Like what?’ ‘Traffic’s bad, we got away late—’ ‘He’d only invite us for afternoon tea.’ Mum’s lips pressed together. ‘We don’t have to accept.’ ‘He’ll just think I’m “damaged” then,’ Blanche said.

10. in the time of storms (Eleanor Cobham and no-good, very-bad year of 1441)

The little bottles tinkled as she ran her fingers over them. She hadn’t used them in so long. There hadn’t seemed to be much point. As Margery had told her, as delicately as possible, she was getting rather too old for there much hope left. As Southwell had told her, there was little they could do but hope that God, in His infinite mercy, would take pity on her. But why should she hope? She had done everything she could to carry a child but God’s infinite mercy had never let her birth more than blood and moles. She would tell Bolingbroke to take them away. He would look at her with his pale eyes that always seemed too compassionate, too knowing, and know she had given up. If had someone had come looking through this box, what had they hoped to find? Some foolish, superstitious child who sought love-charms or gossip? A chance to claim they had been brave enough to go through the witch’s box of spells, perhaps to take one and use it as a trophy – if that was the case, it was a weakness. They should be gotten rid of.

11. the king is dead (Eleanor Cobham and the death of Henry V)

‘Will you not go to him, your grace?’ Eleanor said. Jacqueline looked at her strangely. ‘The Duke of Gloucester?’ Eleanor said. Jacqueline shook her head. ‘No. I cannot go. I need to think, to speak with my people and take counsel. Prepare. Make plans. I cannot go.’ She paused for a moment, her mouth twisting and hands wringing the cloth of her dress. ‘You go,’ she said.

12. The Bargain (Eleanor's POV of 'some hope', documenting one pregnancy and miscarriage)

Also God said to the woman, I shall multiply thy wretchednesses and thy conceivings; in sorrow thou shalt bear thy children; and thou shalt be under the power of thine husband, and he shall be lord of thee. O God, if only it was true. If she had to go through this, there must be some reward, some reason. Her eyes streamed. It was not enough listening to Hume extol the duties of a loyal, patient wife or the promise that God’s will was done and done alone or his scolding that one must not put the Lord to the test. But there had to be some hope, didn’t there? There had to be some reason. She was allowed to be impatient; she was getting older and her prayers to both St. Anne and St. Margaret had thus yielded nothing.

You can send me an ask with one or more numbers (anon is on) and/or vote in the poll below! You can totally do both, too.