#im at work currently so i dont have time for sources

[thedisablednaturalist]

If you are someone who hates bugs and kills them on sight (except for those that can actually cause considerable harm) please..just..take a second...think before you act. Does that bug need to die? Are you killing it just to feel better?

Yes, phobias are real. I have arachnophobia. And it's taken a long time for me to get to the point I'm at now where i can hold jumping spiders and be sort of near wolf spiders. I still struggle but to be in a field where you're outside a lot, you have to get comfortable with spiders sometimes crawling on you.

The first step is respect. You don't have to like or enjoy bugs. But you need to respect what their role is in the environment. To make it easier, think of animals you DO like and learn about their relationship with bugs. You really like birds? Well guess what a ton of birds eat. Even birds that don't directly eat bugs may eat things that do (ya know the whole food web thing). Bugs also may positively impact their environment through nutrient cycling, eating other, more destructive bugs, eating harmful molds, bacteria, or fungi, pollination, etc.

I used to be skeeved out by a lot of bugs, particularly bug larvae. Guess what I'm studying right now? Invertebrates are so interesting once you get past the initial discomfort.

Many of us believe invertebrates = gross/scary. This needs to stop. Invertebrates are going extinct so fast and because everyone hates them we don't have enough research to even know how many we are losing. Pesticides/herbicides have completely wiped out a significant portion of the invertebrate population, and that's along with other things like pollution, ocean acidification, invasive species, etc.

We are losing spiders. We are losing centipedes. We are losing tiny flies. We are losing worms and beetles and bees and wasps. We are losing butterflies and fireflies. Some invertebrate species only exist in one small pond or cave. Some have never actually been seen and some have only been seen once. And its affecting all of us. Fish are disappearing from streams because there's nothing to eat. Amphibians are disappearing because there's nothing to eat (and bc of chytrid fungus). Bats are disappearing because there's nothing to eat (and bc of white nose syndrome). Pangolins, axolotls, red pandas, armadillos, woodpeckers, monkeys, salamanders, these all have diets that are either partially or only fulfilled by bugs.

I go outside in the summer, and don't even have to use bug spray anymore. I remember getting chased by swarms of nats and mosquitos. Nights glittering with hundreds of fireflies. Now I only worry about mosquitos in the spring by the water. Even then I have maybe 5 bites at most, when before I used to be covered in bites from being outside. Before I was born, windshields used to be COVERED in bugs when you went down the highway.

Please, you don't have to like them, but please make an effort to change your initial reaction. They are earthlings just like us. They don't deserve to die because they aren't cute. We need more funding and research. They are getting wiped out and people think that's a fucking good thing. Stop using bug zappers. Try using bug repellent that doesn't have DEET in it (only use it if absolutely necessary), take the bug out in a cup and piece of paper, use methods other than pesticides to get pests out of your garden. Yes sometimes you need to kill a tick or get the termites or ants out of your house. Sometimes a venomous spider gets in your house and it's not safe to handle them. Sometimes they are killing your plants and you need to get rid of them. But a harmless millipede who's one defense is to literally curl into a little spiral and is completely harmless? Does it really have to die?

[gibbearish]

tells my boyfriend im overwhelmed lately bc ive had 0 alone time for almost a full month now bc we have a friend staying with us until we can get set up in the new house and he goes "oh yeah that sucks im sorry :(( but hey soon ill be working till 10 every night just like (roommate) so whenever we both work youll have most of the day to urself!" i go hide in the closet come out to make a drink and he sits in the kitchen and silently watches me make the drink the entire time

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

second, never first

part one | part two | part three | part four

chris x fem!reader

summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become close friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.

warnings - underage drinking, throwing up, use of y/n, BOYS (no smut… for now lol and yes i am 18) currently not proofread or written with pristine punctuation

word count - 2500+?? (i know its long but i had a bunch of ideas for the beginning)

this is also my first story so pls be kind :) also just wanted to mention that i wouldn’t have the courage to write and post if it werent for other writers on this app so i would just like to tag and thank a few accounts who inspired me to write<3

@lovingmattysposts @flowerxbunnie @strniohoeee @lacysturniolo @strawberrysturniolo @flynnriderishot @stuniolobbg 

~

for as long as i could remember, being the second option was all i knew. just always being the backup, never the go to.

this constant course of events led to my passion of reading and writing, pretty much consuming myself with content or sources that provided me with a sense of belonging, or just putting myself into a different reality.

i always had been drawn to romance. its a un-comforting comfort for me, if that makes sense. i love reading about it and watching movies about it but love just seemed so out of reach. im sure many people feel this way but i just believe there are certain people in the world that just go through life without any sort of romantic experiences. now while that may be true i also think thats just something i made up in my head to comfort myself from the fact that i have never had a single romantic experience, ever. i mean im 17 years old and havent even had my first kiss. hell i havent even held hands with a boy.

that of course all changed during my senior year.

-

“oh my god look at what cody sent me” anna says.

anna is my best friend, though at times she felt like my biggest competition. she is everything im not. constantly talking to boys, what people consider ‘boy pretty’, very out going and popular. the fun one.

i look over at her phone to see a text from one of the many boys shes talked to in the past year “i thought you guys were done?” i say

“yeah were not talking like that anymore but i still talk to him here and there” she says

“i dont know if thats the best idea, i mean if you guys keep talking hes probably going to get the wrong impression”

“your such a buzz kill sometimes” she says slightly annoyed. i stay silent. I might sound like a complete bitch here but when your friend is constantly talking or complaining about guy, a, b and c you eventually get bored and exhausted of hearing about it, I try my hardest to be understanding when she brings up guys, but I’m apparently never supportive enough to her standards. I suppose she wants me to be there and give her advice but what do I have to offer to that conversation?

we were driving through the school parking lot to park in our usual spot next to chris.

chris is, well complicated. ive known him since 7th grade and hated him up until about 3 months ago when senior year started. the friendship started off with him just parking next to my car everyday and him just pestering me all the time but the longer we kept parking together, the more we grew to enjoy our casual conversations.

we both roll down our windows.

“morning” i say waving at him, anna does the same “hey, i wanna skip first block if you guys are down” he says “you know i would never say to to that” anna says “ehh i dont know about today i have a bio project i need to work on and didnt getting the planning sheet so i should probably head in” i say

“alright, anna come on i wanna get mcdonalds” chris says tapping on his passenger seat.

“looks like its just us this morning! y/n me and chris can just go get food and ill bring you back something for lunch” anna says turning to me.

“ill see you guys at lunch” i say grabbing my bag and locking my car doors as anna gets in to chris’ car and they drive off.

if you havent caught the weird passive tone from anna, thats how she was. no matter how much i tried she always had to be the centre of attention . i honestly dont even think she does it on purpose. i love her and she is my best friend but i just find her insufferable at times, its just who she is. chris is a great friend to me but i always caught the vibe that chris liked anna or at least thought she was hot. which is also why i think he treats her with more respect than me.

now when i said we grew to like eachother i left out a slight detail.

even though i hated chris for most of high school for the way he treated me and constantly teased me, i couldnt help myself from starring at him from time to time as he talked or even looking at his hands. not only was he visually pleasing he could be really sweet and the conversations we shared were really meaningful at times. was he attractive, yes. was he a complete asshole to me for years and still hasnt apologized, yes. did i completely fall head over heels for him when he began to show me his nice side, sadly yes.

its so cliche but i fell for my “bully” so to speak. i hated myself for it but what i hated even more was how much i let my feelings for him effect how i saw myself even more as the second option. if it came down to it and me anna and him were the only people in the world he would still fuck anna before he even though about kissing me.

i know that i might only feel this way towards him simply because hes the only male thats shown me any attention at all. though it hasnt always been positive or romantic it was still something that i had never experienced from a male before.

like i said, second option.

-

i finish up my final class and head out to my car and wait for anna who is doing god knows what considering i drive her home everyday after school. while waiting for anna, chris gets into his car and starts it to heat up as it is the beginning of winter. i watch what hes doing through his car window as he scrolls on his phone for a sec and then storms into the backseat of my car, always the backseat.

my head whips around to look at him and he looks annoyed. “why do you look mad” i say. “look at what this bitch said to me” he says leaning up to the middle console shoving his phone in my face and i read texts from a girl hes talking to.

friday 3:14pm

alice: chris i cant keep talking to you

chris: what do you mean

alice: i mean that i cant keep talking to you what were doing is messing with my head and i dont want to be a victim of one of your fuck and dumps

chris: im sure i have many other girls who would kill to be in your position

alice: then go have them i dont want to be apart of your sick and twisted hookups

“ok wow” i say my eyes wide “i didnt even know you were talking to alice”

“well now you do, and im not anymore apparently” he says throwing his arms up as he sinks in to the middle seat. “we have been fucking since the halloween party, remember when i kissed her infront of you?” he says in a duh tone.

ah yes halloween. the night i went home crying after said kiss was shared infront of my face.

“yes i remember” i say blankly.

“we were supposed to hangout tonight but she decided to blow me off, i was ready to get my dick wet but i guess ill just have to be fucking boring alone” he says as i make a disgusted face.

“well i dont know what to te-“ i was cut off by anna coming into the car.

“ok sorry i took so long but i was just getting the details for a party tonight!” she says out of breath. chris sits up at the news, “maybe i will get my dick wet then.” he says smirking and jokingly raising his eyebrows.

“what? alice blew you off already.” anna says turning to chris. i dont bother questioning why anna knew and i didnt because im sure i know answer.

“yep and im scoring tonight.” he says fake punching the air as me and anna giggle.

-

anna and i finished getting ready at her place, her wearing jeans and a hot pink tank top and me in black jeans and a white long sleeve crop top. i stare at myself in the mirror when i hear annas phone go off with a text from chris.

friday 10:27pm

chris: here

“anna! chris is here!” i yell grabbing my phone and my drinks for the night from my bag and start making my way downstairs as i hear her close behind me. i tie up my shoes as i hear her grab her drinks from her fridge and say bye her parents. i wave goodbye to her parents as well and we make our way out to chris’ car.

upon entering were greeted by matt, chris’ brother in the passenger seat.

“hey matt i didnt know you were coming out tonight!” i say smiling at him as loud music blasts from chris’ speakers.

“yeah nicks also going so i just tagged along, plus i need to drive you guys home since chris is drinking tonight.” he says lightly punching chris in the arm. “oh yeah, speaking of nick where is he?” i say. “nicks already there he came with his friends.” i nod in response and sit back starting to chug down one of my drinks. i may be a buzz kill in annas eyes but i knew how to party and loved drinking with my friends.

matt is chris’ triplet brother along with nick. i never really got to know his brothers all that well, i just know that matt has become a lot more comfortable around me and anna as we have started to spend more time with chris.

once we arrive to the party me and anna walk around to see whos there and we meet up with some of our other friends. i can see chris from across the room laughing and talking to nick and matt.

the night goes on and i finish my fourth cooler of the night and head out to the car to grab another. when i step outside the cool air hits me and i instantly regret the 2 shots of tequila i had on top of the fruity coolers i had throughout the night. shivering and rubbing my arms i continue walking to chris’ car to sit down for a sec and when i reach the backseat i see chris’ naked back and steamy windows. i take a step back once i realize whats happening.

i knew he was going to end up fucking someone tonight since thats what he said his plan was but i did not need to fucking see it. hes not mine for the taking obviously, but seeing him constantly with girls just hurt.

i turn around to walk back into the house but suddenly feel sick to my stomach. i hunch over and throw up in the middle of the road. i cough and collapse to my knees continuing to gag as strings of spit come out of my mouth. i hear a car door shut behind me as i try to stand up wiping my mouth. i feel arms grab my waist and pick me up bridal style and thats the last thing i remember before everything went black.

-

i wake up in a car with the same clothes on from the party, still drunk, my hair crispy and the smell of cologne. i look around me and realize its chris’ backseat im laying in but its still pitch black out.

i hear faint voices outside and the door my head is resting on swings open and my head flys back.

“holy shit chris are you trying to kill her” i hear matts voice. “shut up, i didn’t know you put her head there.” chris says as he starts pulling me out of the car.

“chris” i say quietly. “holy shit your awake” he says leaving me to sit up. “yeah i am, what happened. i think i- blacked out.” i say slurring my words.

“well i was in the middle of getting with summer-“ he says getting on his knees to talk to me better “and i just heard gagging outside the car and it was bothering me and i looked outside the car and you were bent over on the middle of the road throwing up. i just grabbed you and told summer to fuck off and put you in the car while i grabbed matt and anna.”

“oh my god” i say as i nod off.

“woah woah stay with us here, chris lets get her inside now” matt says placing my head back up.

“where is anna?” i question.

“we had to drop her home and bring you to our house since she said her parents couldn’t see you like this.”

“of course” i say

classic anna.

“what time is it?” i ask rubbing my eyes.

“2:44am” chris grunts taking me out of the car.

“ok lets get you inside” chris says pulling me up to stand. “you think you can walk inside?” he says still holding me up. “ill try.”

he lets go of me and i slowly make it up to the front of their house but start wobbling once i reach the steps and feel both matt and chris grab either side of me and help me up to the front door. matt holds on to my arm as he uses the house key to get inside and i walk in.

they walk me over to the living room couch and i slump over resting my head on the arm rest of the couch.

“where is she going to sleep?” matt says. “my room obviously.” chris says as i smile to myself.

“come on y/n” he says picking me up again and bringing me to his room to lay on his bed. “im gonna give you clothes to change into since yours are covered in vomit.” he says opening drawers. i nod my head as my eyes close.

he tosses me a big white shirt with some graphic designing on it “can you dress yourself or-“ i cut him off “yea- yeah i got it” i say sitting up right and hiccup.

he turns around so i can change into the shirt. i begin taking my long sleeve off and i get one arm off before i get stuck. “chris, help” i say quietly and he turns around to see me with my arms slouched and my eyes closed. he rushes over “lift up your arms” he says pulling my hands up. i hold them up as he grabs the hem of my shirt and slowly pulls up. i admire chris as he pulls off the shirt completely throwing my shirt across the room all while being careful not to look at me.

he grabs his shirt and places it gently over my head and then threading my arms through the shirt. “wait” he says walking over to his closet, grabbing a pair of his sweatpants and walking over to me with them. i sit there with my eyes closed smiling as i had thought about the scenario of him taking my clothes off many times, just not the me being so drunk i cant dress myself part.

he takes my jeans off and helps me in to his sweatpants still being respectful and not starring at my body. “ill be right back just sit here im going to get you water and an advil.” he say as he walks out of the room. i just sit there, my eyes still closed, still smiling and nod at his sentence.

i lay back down on his bed and wait as i hear him rushing upstairs talking to matt and nick before walking back in to the room sitting down at the end of his bed. “sit snd open up.” i obliged to his words before he places two advils on my tongue.

“im going to fill up your mouth with water so don’t breathe.” he says opening up a water bottle and slowly pouring some in to my mouth while my head tilts upwards slightly. he watches me with concern as i swallow the water.

“please never get drunk like this ever again, you really freaked everyone out kid.” he says. i don’t respond and nod at his words.

kid, the all too familiar nickname chris gave me. it always made me feel weird when he called me this as if he was an authority figure or something.

i lay back down on his bed and close my eyes and quickly drift off to sleep. the last thing i remember from that night is him crawling in to his bed next to me and turning off his light.

“goodnight kid”

-

thank you for reading!!!

[strwyofthesun]

12:58

pairing: leon kennedy x agent!(fem)reader

synopsis: you become leon's informant for a mission while hunnigan is on leave and end up in a relationship with him a while after. all is well until leon goes on a certain mission.

word count: 3k

content: angst, hurt/no comfort, mentions of war, mentions of cheating, drunk leon, mention of bleeding, mentions of death (?)

a/n: there is a severe lack of hurt/no comfort leon fics on here and i plan on fixing that /j maybe there is and im just not looking hard enough but oh well if i can't find one i'll make one. also! this takes place after re:damnation which explains the us and russia war so pls dont be startled by the mention of it.

the rain poured heavily on the cold pavements of the sidewalk you and him once walked together, hand in hand, the both of you thought that maybe this was where you were both meant to be, with each other. atleast, that was you thought. if that were the case, you wouldn’t be under the pouring rain, crying over what you once thought was your forever. the salty tears mixed with the rain as the droplets hit your face. you bit your lip in frustration refusing to believe that this is happening to you, but you always knew, deep down, this was bound to happen.

a few months had gone by and things have finally settled down at the DSO ever since the war between the us and russia. missions have been more manageable and not as large scale as the war and everything else has been rather tame. you’ve been working as an FOS (field operations support) agent for quite some time already to know the ins and outs of how things work. its been a few years serving as agent and an information source to multiple other agents in the DSO but not once have you worked with the man himself, leon kennedy. his informant was ingrid hunnigan, a long time FOS agent. she had worked alongside leon ever since 2004 when he saved ashley graham, the president’s daughter and ever since then they have been working together until now. over time, the two of you have gotten close and have even worked together in some missions. not only were you co-workers, but also good friends outside of work.

you stood outside the office yet you could already hear the clatter and busy sounds of the people working. you opened the door and greeted your fellow co-workers a good morning, except for one person. scanning the room from all its four corners, you couldn't find hunnigan anywhere, not even at her desk. so, you asked a co-worker of yours that sat just a cubicle beside you about her.

“hey, have you seen hunnigan around?”

“oh, she’s on leave i think? i saw a note on her desk, it’s for you, so you can just check that out.”

“ahh, alright thanks.”

you walk up to hunnigan’s desk and hover over her files looking for the note that your co-worker told you about. you murmured to yourself, “here it is…”

“i’m currently on leave for while due to some family issues and they need me back home. it was really urgent, i’m sorry i couldn’t tell you sooner. also, i left my assignment to you so please do me the favor. leon is going on a mission by the time you’re reading this note, someone will get you patched up to his line so don’t worry. i owe you [y/n]. –hunnigan”

“she’s definitely gonna owe me for this…” you muttered curses in your head when you were suddenly interrupted by a tap on the shoulder.

“[l/n] right?” asked by an unfamiliar face. but based on hunnigan’s note, you knew that this is the someone she was talking about.

“yes that is me, i’m assuming you will get me on mr. kennedy’s line?”

“ah, yes. i see that you have been informed.”

“i don’t know the complete details of the mission so if you would kindly brief me…”

“don’t worry, please follow me.”

you followed them into a room where they explained the information you will be needed as leon’s informant for the mission. in the back of your head, you were nervous. you’ve never worked with leon before and he has made quite the name for himself in the government and is particularly well liked by the president. working with someone with such a high status made you really agitated but you calmed yourself down thinking that this was like every other mission you’ve been on.

a few hours had gone by and you are now in the communications area. you have all the files you needed in one folder, you’ve been briefed on the current situation, and everything seems to be under control.

“mr. kennedy is on the chopper as we speak. you may now call him and let him know all the other details that he will be needing.”

“i’m a bit nervous…”

“there is no need to be nervous, i’m sure hunnigan trusted you enough to know that you will do well in her place.”

“yeah, you’re right…”

“i’ll leave you be now, you got this.”

after the words of encouragement from hunnigan’s colleague, you took a deep breath and pressed the call button to which leon quickly responded. “so, where’s the landing po- oh?” he looked into the screen of his phone and squinted. “you’re not hunnigan…”

“you’re right, i’m not. just a substitute while she’s on leave. i have your landing point marked mr. kennedy.”

“oh is that so? don’t bother with the formalities, just call me leon. and you? how should i call you?”

“[y/n] will do.”

“alright [y/n], pretty name for a pretty girl like yourself.”

leon’s words caught you off guard and you could feel your face heat up. you cleared your throat and looked visibly flustered over the phone over a simple compliment from him. leon saw this and chuckled at the sight of you blushing through the screen.

“thanks… um...”

“so pretty girl, are you gonna inform me now or what?

“oh right, right… refrain from any making unnecessary comments while on the job please.” you said as you tried to regain some some sense into yourself.

“yes mam, whatever you say.” leon said with a grin on his face.

after that mission, you and leon still kept contact even when hunnigan came back from her leave. he would always message you about his day and he’d take you out on dates whenever he had the chance to. but the label was never specified between the two of you. you understood that in his line of work consistency within a relationship was hard to maintain. not only that, but the overthinking that you would have to face almost everyday would eat you up if you were not mentally strong enough to handle it. the thought that maybe leon could be badly hurt in a location you couldn't reach, or even worse, him dying on the job, not even having the chance to say his final goodbyes to his loved ones, friends, you. so you thought that maybe it was for the best.

you were each other’s relief and the more time went by, the stronger your feelings for leon grew. and because of this, you decided to distance yourself from him, in hopes that he would just forget about you so that he could focus on his work. but leon couldn’t forget you. everyday he thought of you, you were the first thing on his mind and the last thing he thinks about before going to sleep. and even in his dreams he saw you. 24/7 you were on his mind. everytime he was on a mission, he always thought of coming back home to you, but you didn’t know that. he never told you how much you have plagued his mind ever since the day he met you and heard your voice through the intercom. he found purpose and reason to live. he didn’t feel like someone who’s at the government’s disposal, a weapon, a mere shell of a person made to execute the living dead. when you had decided to distance yourself from him, leon needed you to know that it was the last thing he wanted.

the repeated ringing of your doorbell echoed in your apartment. you got up from your bed feeling annoyed and rubbed your eyes as it adjust slowly to the bright light of your digital clock. 12:58, who could be ringing your doorbell like a maniac at this hour? slowly, you shuffled to the front of the door and checked the peep hole before opening the door. suddenly, your half-asleep state suddenly vanished and you were completely awoken by the sight of leon outside your door. it had been a few weeks since you had cut contact with him, and you did not expect him to show up infront of your doorstep at that very moment.

once leon heard the sound of the door unlock, he swung it open and immediately threw his arms around you.

“leon, what are you-“

“please, don’t leave me…” he choked out these words as he pulled away from his embrace and you could see his eyes start to well up with tears.

“i have loved you ever since i have laid my eyes on you. and these past few weeks had made me realize how much i've missed you. whether it was a text, a call, time with you, i missed everything about you. i don’t ever want you to think that you’re just someone i waste my time with to get off. you matter so much to me and yes, i’d love to waste my time with you, not for my own pleasure, but because i love you. i love you so much it physically pains me when you’re not around so please… don’t leave me…”

“i’m here right now leon, i’m not leaving you… i promise.”

life after leon’s confession had looked up and the two of you had never been happier. he had moved in with you and every day you share together was a day well-spent. during the mornings, you and leon would always take a stroll down the pavements outside your apartment, hands intertwined, the both of you enjoyed each other’s company for as long as time could allow. for the first few months, as you expected, the overthinking hit you. was he going to come back safely? is he going to survive? when would he back home? anything could happen to him. leon knew this would happen at one point and he never wanted you to worry. so, he would send you sweet messages or even call you when he could but you didn’t want to interrupt him on his missions. that's why sometimes, leon would send messages to hunnigan for her to pass on to you. you could see how much effort leon was putting into the relationship and it made your heart skip a beat everytime you think about it, especially because you felt like you didn’t deserve it. you didn’t deserve any ounce of leon’s love. but leon always told you otherwise. and he would always show you that you deserved every single bit of it.

later on in the relationship, you and leon got to know each other fully. he opened up about his childhood, his traumas, and ada. he reassured you that even though ada was a big part of his life before, you were his now and his future. and you did feel somewhat thankful for ada because you knew that without her, leon would not have survived the raccoon city incident. but it haunted you knowing that she was all he could think about for a big portion of his life. not to mention his relations with her before the us and russian war. knowing that they have been together and that he longed for her return everytime. how could you compare to the woman he had yearned for years on end. every time you would overthink this, leon would always reassure you that if she came back he wouldn’t be phased by her presence because he was inlove with you and only you. atleast, that’s what he said.

leon was off to another mission as per usual, you kissed him and bid him the words you always say before he goes. “be safe always and don’t forget to return to me. i love you leon.” he smiles and would always respond back, “i’ll be safe and i will always return to you. i love you too [y/n].” it was basically a ritual at that point.

a few hours later, your phone buzzed and the screen lit up. it was a text from leon.

my special agent: hey princess, i’ll be sent off soon. can’t wait to finish this so i can get back home to you.

you: alright, take care baby, i love you.

my special agent: i love you more ;)

you were at ease but it didn’t last long when days turned into weeks and you haven’t heard from him. you decided to ask hunnigan during work about leon’s whereabouts.

“hey hunnigan, have you heard from leon?”

“umm, no i haven’t had contact from him in awhile… what’s the matter?”

“he’s been radio silent and i’m getting worried that something happened in his mission.”

“his mission? it was successful. he finished it 3 weeks ago.”

“3 weeks ago? then why hasn’t he let me know?”

“i’m sorry [y/n] but i am not aware of his whereabouts ever since he finished. try asking chris if he knows anything.”

“i will, thank you hunnigan.”

“i hope things are fine...”

“i hope so too…”

you clocked out of your job for the day and dialed chris. as your phone started ringing, you started to drown in your thoughts at what could have possibly happened to leon. what has he been doing these past 3 weeks? where was he staying? is he okay? is he badly injured? worry after worry started filling your head that you suddenly found yourself crying.

“hello? hello?” a voice suddenly spoke up from the phone. you didn’t realize that chris had already picked up the phone.

“[y/n]? are you there?”

you sniffle before responding and cleared your throat, “yes! i’m here um, have you heard from leon by any chance?”

you hear chris heavily sigh over the phone.

“is there something wrong chris? please tell me he’s okay…”

“hes… he’s fine, but he isn’t here with me now. i’ll bring him over there.”

“please do… thank you so much chris.”

“anytime [y/n].”chris dropped the call. “should i tell her…”

night time soon fell and you were outside the apartment building waiting for chris’s car to arrive. you were worried sick and checked your watch every 5 minutes feeling the most anxious you have ever been. there was a pit in your stomach and all you wanted to do was throw up due to the overwhelming thoughts. 12: 58, they’re here.

“chris! leon!” you call out for their names. chris got out of the car carrying a drunk leon to you.

“i’m sorry to bring him to you in this state…”

“it’s okay chris, thanks again.”

“again, anytime [y/n], be strong.”

“be strong?” you thought to yourself. what did chris mean? he passed over leon to you and he fell into your arms. chris drove off before tried talking to leon.

“leon, hey, are you okay?” you asked as you tried to brush off the hair off his face. it revealed a crying leon which surprised you.

“i… i’m so sorry [y/n]…”

“it’s okay baby you’re here now, safe and sound, that’s what matters..”

“no… no!" leon shouted as he pushed you away.

“leon what is wrong? please, tell me!” you begged.

“i saw ada again.”

you stood there, shell-shocked, dreading the following words that leon was gonna utter. you prayed to all the gods out there that it wasn’t what you thought it was.

“i… we… im sorry…” leon stumbled on his words.

“you what leon...?"

“i cheated on you…” he said as tears started to roll down his cheek.

“how could you…? after everything you’ve said? after everything we’ve been through? was it all a lie?” you walked up to him fighting back the tears.

“tell me leon! i deserve an explanation! you owe it to me! how could you do this to me?! was i not enough for you?! where did i go wrong? tell me!” you punched him in the chest and gripped it tightly.

“i love you leon… i thought you loved me too?”

“i do love yo-“

“you don’t! you wouldn’t-“ you feel a lump in your throat. “you wouldn’t have done that if you loved me…”

“it was a mistake [y/n], please i’m sorry…”

“leon… stop…”

“i’m sorry… please… forgive me.”

“you said you’d return to me…”

“i did… im here right now, aren’t i?”

“no. you returned to her.”

leon embraced you tightly, clinging onto you but you only stood there. its as if the world you have created for you and him had crashed down right before your eyes. everything you once knew, felt like a lie. all these months, you’ve been living a lie. but what could you have done? how could you, a woman who has been with him for less than a year, compete with the likes of her? the woman who’s saved her countless of times, the first woman he ever loved, the woman who he had waited for almost all his life. your relationship felt too good to be true. you knew, it was too good to be true, you were right, it was to good to be true. you felt like a fool for blindly believing leon’s words. bullshit. you were never his future, you were just a distraction, until she finally came back. the realization stung you and its poison was seeping into your veins destroying you inside out.

“leon, pack your stuff now.”

“don’t do this [y/n], please i’m begging you.”

“don’t make me say it twice, pack it now."

leon looked at you for one last time before letting you go in defeat, walking away from you and into the apartment building. you open your phone and dial chris once more to which he picked up immediately.

“chris, please come back, pick up leon."

“[y/n]- “ before he could even say anything else you dropped the call and the rain began to pour. your knees began to feel weak and you drop down on the cold pavement. your chest feels tighter and tighter, breathing becoming hard and heavy. you clutch tightly onto your chest as you choke back the tears. feeling exhausted and tired, you let it all out, screaming, wailing, and begging any higher force to take away the pain, but it looked like even the gods above couldn’t help you. you were helpless and alone once more. you bit your lip as hard as you can trying to contain yourself. so much so until it started to bleed. but you didn’t care. you didn’t care about anything at all at this point. a part of you wished you could turn back time to when you were happy but you questioned yourself wondering what could’ve been better. reliving all the moments together, even though you knew how it will all end, in pain and suffering, or just never accepting hunnigan’s favor, never making contact with him, never meeting him, never falling in love with him.

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

okay so normally when i make informative posts about current news, i try to always link a source for it (i tend to rely on the guardian) or at least explain the source of it.

but i dont know if the government are planning to publicise this or quietly implement it so im hesitant to give details on where i got this info. im just gonna say it was from someone/s who works in the department of work and pensions, and hope that my prior post history speaks well enough of me for you to trust that this isnt misinformation.

i dont like doing this but i think this information is too important for me not to share it and said info is fucking disgusting.

starting in march, in the uk, if you ask at the job centre for a voucher for a local foodbank, you are going to be turned away.

under the current system, if you go to a job centre that has a food bank referral service, the staff will fill in a slip (theyre advised not to call it a voucher but tomayto tomarto you know?) and refer you to a local charity which will allocate you food according to the slip.

that ends on march 1st. after that, they will just hopefully signpost you to other services that can help you get an emergency food parcel. that will likely involve you having to travel somewhere, potentially on a public transport, costing you more money that you dont have. and that does not guarantee that you will get the food you need either that day or at all.

our government does not care about its citizens, but especially not about us who are poor. they see the working class, the impoverished and the homeless as subhumans. they see us as what new right sociologist and white nationalist libertarian charles murray coined the underclass.

and you know this because of how the current system will be working from now until the end of february because if youre gonna stab someone while theyre bleeding to death, you might as well double tap it, ay?

from now until february 29th, you now must have an interview so that they can be "sure" that you need that food.

bear in mind that this does not cost the government anything. they are not losing money because of this service, if you want to call it that.

and that interview? that could take up to 3 days; its whenever they have a timeslot within 3 days of your asking. you could go in and say "i have no money and i have no food, i havent eaten for days, please help," and they could tell you to come back in three days, and then not even give you that slip of paper anyway.

this could kill someone. yes, it takes longer than three days to starve to death, but if someone is struggling that much to need help acquiring food, theyre gonna have more problems going on. people might choose food over heating and freeze to death; they might decide to eat food thats gone off and end up dying from it because they couldnt call 999 because they didnt have electricity; they might decide to try and injure themselves so bad that they have an extended stay in hospital as a way to get food and die in the process; they might not have eaten in weeks and starve to death.

but hey, if you do pass the interview process, youll get the referral you needed up to three days ago and a discussion about how better to manage your finances, because hey, youve already stabbed the stabbed person two more times, why not twist the fucking knife?

[aroacesetitoff]

Infinight Interns Reference Sheet + Headcanons

Bartholomew Finn

-Vest of Slow Descent-i made it green based off his canon design and then gave it "feathered" hems to allude to its ability

-pre-Draconic Transformation Bart-gave him silver jewelry and the only draconic traits are gold freckles, fangs, and shorter horns

-post-Draconic Transformation Bart-gold jewelry to match with his dad (Simsun), and of course claws and scales and larger horns

-boatswain's call whistle-a reference to the Jebediah + Capt. Marge

-gave him the thigh dagger sheath-cause why not. I think Bart's that character in movies that has a shit ton of knives hidden in the most improbable places

-he's got a 17 string lute, but lets be honest i aint drawing 17 strings. painted a wave design on the body and the soundhole/rosette has a dagger design

-Breath Diagem/lute pick ftw

-scars on his hands (from doing hot boi sailor shit)

-not shown but i think he's got a bunch of tattoos (like "I <3 Mom" for Marge, flowers for Gum Gum, crossed anchors, etc.)

-pupils are slitted like dragons and a very dark shade of blue

Kyborg the Mighty/Kydelius of Everwinter

-Fun Fact: i used to do archery! so some of his gear is based off of stuff I had. But you know cooler

-Canonically his hair pretty loose, and its pretty but my god its gonna get caught up in his bowstring man. braided/tied it back for practicality

-thigh highs. no notes

-gave him an armored version w/ fur because his current design didn't feel like Everwinter-y enough

-its not terribly visible but he has the Belt of Sick Trick so i put a bird on it (vaguely Tony Hawk reference)

-the Longer Bow Krystallina-gave it a snow fall design + red accents

-scars from archery, since this guy shoots barebow

-the left (flesh arm) side is the most armored and unscarred, and the right (metal arm) side is scarred + unprotected (bc u know its metal)

-pupils are really dark shade of red as a reference to the Source Diagem

-metal arm-i took an anatomy class not a robotics one, so the structure is based off human musculature (kinda) and i put the Source Diagem in his shoulder instead of his hand

Gum Gum Galindor

-star boi 🌟

-constellations on the inside of the brim of his hat that Bart sewed for him-(Bart's a sailor, he knows his constellations)

-the flowers (orange @ blue) on his hat represent him & Bart. The orange ones bigger bc u know thats his big bro right there

-the hoodie+pauldron+cross body strap combo is a direct copy of Bart's design bc thats what younger siblings do u know

-made the patches to repair his coat stars bc why not

-Random Axe of Kindness-the cute lil heart does not detract from the fact that its an axe

-timeskip design i went for a gardener vibe bc he works in the Orchidnage now-i think despite having the worst dad of the group, Gum Gum would be a pretty good father figure

-Staff of Flowers-i wanted to reference Dia w/ this one so I tried to have this be the most colorful part

-Bart pierced his ears at one point

-i gave him constellation freckles that showed up post Dia reveal

-he has his manacles yeah but i wanted to design friendship bracelets for the rest of the team

-Mudd's-green thread with pink & white flower beads-the charm is Gumbo

-Bart's-leather cord with blue & gold beads and an anchor charm

-Kyborg's-brown leather cord, green beads, and a red arrow charm

-made his pupils a lighter shade of blue that glows when he uses Wild Magic

-edit: lots of scars, some from fighting, a lit from just tripping and shit. Also a dog bite from that one time

Mudd Bramblecrack

-i love him but it was so hard to come up with a design

-the pink streak keeps moving bc im inconsistent and also bc he has to redye/cut his hair constantly

-the "fur" cloak is the Cloak of the Secluded Garden, and its actually pine leaves & grass

-gave him a very simple tunic w/ a bramble design bc we would try to disguise his noble bg

-i put Mudd in a kilt bc i have free will and also he's Scottish. I dont think he would ever wear one unless for formal occasions tho bc i think they take a while to put on

-Gumbo :) + badger armor -this ones very specifically inspired by Lonna Bowstripe from the Redwall series

-originally had the purple gems on his tunic, made em earrings instead bc thats cooler

-Bramblecrack signet (?) ring-also the Virtues Diagem. Both this and his earring are purple bc its an ace reference (for me). The ring is definitely an ace reference bc i made it a black metal and put it on his right middle finger (ifykyk)

-pink paw pads + talons-less of a firbolg thing, more of a Moon Druid thing

-eyes are a rlly dark shade of green but glow a brighter shade when Wildshaping

-pupils are a rlly dark shade of purple (Diagem ref) and also horizontal like cows

Okay I think that's everything. If not ill just come back and edit it 🤷. working on the OG Infinights next so stay tuned or whatever

[drdemonprince]

hi devon! love your work so much and also just rly want to take an edible with you and shoot the shit but my actual question is as an autistic person who was taught to orient around other peoples needs how can i re train that laser focus to kind of hone what i need/like/desire? i feel really lost and spend so much time thinking about what other people may like or want i have no idea what i want even at 29

oh my goodness, my entire next book on Autism is all for people like you! I believe that part of unmasking requires that we learn how to disengage from the opinions of others, widen our distress tolerance, get more acclimated to the possibility of change, learn how to initiate the activities we like more, and just generally get more in touch with our bodies and our desires. this is a lot of work but it's all in the realm of skills that can be practiced... which is why i'm currently trying to sell a book that is entirely research, examples, and exercises around these things. i will also be publishing lots of small tastes of this work pretty regularly on my substack in the next few months.

in the meantime, i would encourage you to start reallllly really small, by taking greater notice of what you don't like. and i mean really start out with miniscule declarations of negative feeling. "i dont like this song, can we change the channel on the radio?" "i dont want to eat at the olive garden actually" "im cold, can you turn up the heat or tell me where the blankets are?" "this bar is too loud, i'm going to have to leave." REALLY small stuff. even stuff of that scale probably feels TERRIFYING. start with these things, and ride out the initial discomfort or embarrassment that arises when stating a need or preference.

you'll notice that each of these "no's" is actually getting you closer to figuring out what you want as well. you're saying you dislike something, or that you are uncomfortable -- but you're also practicing articulating a thing that you actively do want, whether that's a blanket, a more comfortable place to spend the evening, or something better to listen to or to watch. it's hard to ask oneself massive existential questions about who you truly are and what you want out of life. but asking yourself if anything small in your immediate environment is uncomfortable is far easier.

the great thing about this method is that you can practice it all the time. any time you're in a new space or situation, just take a moment to ask yourself: what would i change? the goal is to always find something you could advocate or ask for. this flips the masked autistic instinct to never ask for anything until you're in absolute agony completely on its head. you are LOOKING for things to request, LOOKING for sources of mild discomfort to voice -- and youll get better and better at noticing what you like and what you dislike the more that you do this.

with time, you will be able to articulate far greater wants. i dont want to spend my weekend at my grandmother's house. i dont want to live in an apartment with someone who is constantly criticizing me. i want to live by the water. i want a job where i can control the temperature of my workspace at all times. i want dogs. i want to be able to go running in the morning. i want a bathtub. i want to paint and listen to music. i dont want to marry this person. and so on!

this is a massive oversimplification, but there you go. a little bump of the full supply that hopefully will hit bookshelves early 2025 if i play my cards right

[stateswscarlet]

Good morning Scarlet, I hope that you're doing amazing!

First of all, I wanted to thank you for all the amount of time you put in explaining the law to all of us and seeing all those success stories, we all know how good of a blessing you are in our life.

So, I've been working on manifesting my ex back for a few months now, more than a year actually, and it's kinda embarrassing to me. I'm naturally a visualizer and have inner convos, but when envisioning scenarios like us hugging, holding hands, and being together again (what I've always done before knowing the law and being in love with him) it feels too good to be true, even if I have a deep understanding of the law conceptually. I know part of this process involves letting go of attachment to the 3D and recognizing that my outer feelings (anxiety, fear) and thoughts (how will he change his mind, he doesn't love u anymore) don't define my true self (the inner man that is being happy and in a rs with him). However, despite this understanding, I still encounter challenges when I attempt to engage my imagination regarding these scenarios. I often feel unfulfilled or disconnected from the vision of us being together.

Furthermore, I've been feeling doubtful about all that lately. Different sources offer conflicting advice - some suggest focusing on feelings, while others emphasize decision-making. I've even studied materials from authors like Edward and watched Tom Kearin (BSW), and while I understand the concepts intellectually and have applied them before with success, I haven't seen significant movement. The only time I experienced progress was when I wholeheartedly believed in my ex's return, even if I wasn't necessarily thinking from the end (focusing on the 3D aka he is going to come back). However, now, as I try to embody the version of myself with him already, I'm starting to lose faith in the possibility of him changing his mind and coming back. Have you ever experienced a similar struggle or doubt in your manifestation journey?

I feel maybe my issue is linked to the "feeling" that I do not understand, do you have maybe some recommandations in terms of source, or YouTube channel or else ? I feel like I'll never succeed in this specific manifestation while I succeeded in others for instance my job and travels... it was so hard for me too bc for more than a year I was jobless and so focused on that, that one day I decided I am going to get a job no matter what and not thinking from the end and it happened while I didn't focused on how I felt, I wasn't like "I need to feel I'm already employed", so I am lost in all of that ..

thank you so much for the kind words!

“working on manifesting my ex back” im really hoping you only worded it like this for simplicity sake to tell me, but please stop identifying with manifesting (at all) or seeing anything as a process bc there is NO PROCESS. there is no work to be, no point A or point B, and no one is coming “back”.

the reason you feel disconnected is because you’re still dominantly believing the 3D as a fact/seeing it as unchanging/dont understand youre SHIFTING TO A DIFFERENT REALITY/STATE and not changing the current one. figure out which one. in other words, youre being accidentally 3D oriented.

“i havent seen much movement” excuse me? wym movement? eradicate that word from your loa vocabulary please theres no such thing as movement. do you HAVE IT OR NOT?

stop looking for more material. no coach or video or book can change how you feel internally if youre just looking for results and refuse to completely drop the outer man and their reasoning.

your sp isnt changing his mind, you SHIFT TO A STATE where you and them are together. the one in the current 3D is NOT the one youre in a relationship with nor will ever be, you have to fully drop that version of him.

if just deciding you have something fulfills you, then so be it. do whatever you enjoy.

[leolaroot]

not even close to informed or involved w the current republican ao3 staff drama (obviously) but im reminded of that poll that was going around star trek tumblr that asked "do you think a bigot could be a trekkie?" and dozens of people were giving their impassioned takes of how OBVIOUS it is that trek could never be enjoyed by someone whos racist or homophobic or disagrees with Their Personal Beliefs. never minding how star trek is full of bigotry both fantastical and real-world. even the highly praised "progressive" elements like televisions first interracial kiss! (was not actually tvs first interracial kiss) when watched in context its a white man being forced onto a black woman. never mind the wide swaths of openly right wing fans who love the franchise. i like it and im Progressive, so it Must Be Progressive And Revolutionary.

people who identify strongly by their personal perception of their own political beliefs have a knee jerk angry reaction to learning that people with other beliefs enjoy the same things as them. its why certain misogynistic rock fans dedicate their online existence to shitting on babymetal or whatever. its why any tumblrina has ever made a post about liking something in a way that is inherently more clever or thoughtful or deep than any other fan does (bc theyre smarter than Those Fans and not like Those Fans and tbh Those Fans are Not Real Fans)

of course a person can support the republican party while also working for ao3? there are republicans who consider themselves lgbt allies. there are gay republicans. there are gay people who are white supremacists and antisemites and transmisogynists and xenophobes. there are people who masturbate privately to the fantasy of trans bodies qnd its alluring specifically BECAUSE of how publicly they devalue and despise trans lives.

when you learn that you enjoy something thats also enjoyed by bigots, the response shouldnt be to defend yourself, or launch into no-true-scottsman bullshit, or to forcibly distance yourself from those bigots. the appropriate response is to return to the source material and ask yourself why it might attract bigots. ask yourself whether you noticed those themes the first time. (its maybe more obviously true that a fanfiction archive accessible to anyone will have a lot of highly offensive shit, sure, but this is true for any movie, book, or tv show you enjoy.) ask yourself this: if watching a tv show with gay characters ISNT enough to make a person an ally, what am i doing that makes myself at all different from those people?

you will struggle find a fandom or media property or piece of art that is one hundred percent pure and untouched by cruelty or hate. because everything and everyone is the product of the world they come from. make personal judgements and pay attention to the underlying intent and messages of the media yiu internalize and share with others. i dont remember what this post was about. OH YEAH its not even slightly surprising or confusing to anypony who thinks for more than a second that the "my free speech at the expense of anyone's comfort (including the comfort of the people im writing porn about. and yes that includes sexual rpf of child actors)" website would have right wing support. oky bye

[ultrableating]

dear tumblr ,,⋋(•◇•)⋌,,

thank you so much for all the support on my top surgery fundraiser, whether it's donating, reblogging or just staying patient with while i boost the link multiple times. which i am going to keep doing! it's no understatement that this is the single biggest positive thing that's happening in my life, and the time i need your help most. so i'm making my voice heard as much as i possibly can to spread the word, and i appreciate all your help with it. it makes me feel loved as a person and not as a bunch of posts on a dashboard, i've been getting pretty isolated because of mental health stuff so even the small connection we have from your act of goodwill is really meaningful to me

i've been ok, mostly putting in work on my masters degree, although some of the 'work' included having a massive breakdown from months of burnout, and i'm currently in the middle of trying to get an extension and rework a large part of my project. mostly this is due to the subject matter of my work having had a lot of loaded cultural and personal themes, which, when being forced to think about nonstop for two years, while also moving in with the family member who is the source of a large part of all the trauma of it, was just too much. taking a stance to axe the project in its current form was hard and made me feel like a quitter but now i feel relief and realize it was an act of self love as well

so i'm trying to recover from that and see a way forward to a project i would like doing, but it's hard when your circumstances have left you this depressed. i'm also trying to become more mindful of the way i use social media because when i'm anxious i fall very easily into the numbness sink of scrolling social media just to avoid thinking... i've stared a daily list of Ten Things That Happened That Day That Didn't Happen On The Internet, although i never get to ten, and i dont think even pre-internet leon would have gotten to ten, but it's good to aim high and take notice even of the little things. maybe to some people this comes naturally but i have to be very deliberate about it. i think this article sums up how im starting to feel about the internet rn

i've cut most personal spending down as much as possible to save up to my top surgery, so i have to find fun things to do that don't cost money. i'm trying to sew because my partner knows a lot about it and can teach me (i'm currently trying to engineer the perfect underwear, weird hobby but it's actually an amazing dysphoria-buster because most store bought underwear that fits my ass is so feminine, to be able to make a piece of something so intimate be so personal is, omg, an act, of, omg, self love). i've also sold off some things to help save for my top surgery and doctor visits, i'm trying to not get rid of anything i will really miss but it's also an enjoyable feeling to imagine the item disappearing as it becoming a permanent part of my history and of my sexy flat boy body (~o_o)~

if i end up having some free time outside of my masters degree, my current dream project is making pixel assets. i think with all the cases of my art getting stolen and used without permission it would actually be really cool to put something together specifically for public use. i miss kaoani and flower banners and stuff. i dont know if i can ever make something so saccharinely cute and tidy but if anything it's a nice space to visit

did you miss me coming to tumblr to make long winded posts about nothing? hopefully when twitter falls we will all be on here reading each others paragraphs, hopefully i'll have more going on in my life and can write even longer ones. here is a nice drawing, and a link to the fundraiser once again :)

https://gofund.me/958124b6

[daybringersol]

if asexuality or aversion to sex comes from trauma, that is absolutely something a therapist and you are supposed to address, that's not queerphobia and equating it to conversion therapy is kinda disgusting and queerphobic itself lmao

That is not what I said in the slightest, to a point where im questioning if youre asking me this in good faith at all. Please actually read and/or reread the words I typed before accusing me of things like this. My initial post was not even worded in a way that was vague enough to be misinterpreted this way.

If you still don’t understand how misguided you are, here is my attempt at putting it more clearly :

Yes, aversion to sex and/or romance and lack of sexual/romantic desires can come from trauma. Therapy can help that, if you find the right therapist. However, from my own experiences, I can tell you that the way a lot of therapists approach this is at best, ineffective, and at worst, downright retraumatizing. If sex and/or romance makes you uncomfortable, being convinced to take part in sexual/romantic acts without you having desires for it or being downright averse to it is a recipe for disaster (for most people). It just puts you into more non-consensual and traumatizing positions. That is what exposure therapy is, and that is what most therapists have tried (and sometimes succeeded) to do to me. Horrible experience, would not recommend to anyone. This approach tries to cure the symptom instead of the issue, and is deeply based in ace/arophobia (seeing “fixing” a lack of attraction as more urgent and important than addressing the source of the issue, the actual trauma).

Also, no. If someone doesn’t feel like fixing their trauma for any reason, nobody should push them to. A therapist can absolutely inform the patient on the benefits of doing so, but trauma work is incredibly hard, very much a long-term thing, and can put the patient in an extremely vulnerable headspace. It’s the mental equivalent of breaking a bone to set it right again. For an abuse victim who just got out of that situation, it is completely understandable for them to want to enjoy their new-found freedom and joy as much as they can, for as long as they want. Pushing them towards trauma work without the right environment, mindset or literally anything else they feel might make this not the right time for it can cause further damage, especially knowing how the current psychiatric institution works.

Asexuality and aromanticism, however, do not come from trauma, or any other neurological differences. It might be affected by it, and people with life experiences similar to aro and/or ace people are welcomed in the community (for exemple, sexual and/or domestic abuse survivors that are sex/romance averse), but it is not caused by it. Most therapy settings are not informed about asexuality, and assume it is a symptom of a underlying issue, that needs to be fixed. The same kind of exposure therapy that I talked about earlier is often used to “cure” aro and/or ace people, putting them those same non-consensual and traumatizing situations. That is conversion therapy, and medical use of coerced corrective rape. These therapists are, often with methods similar to gaslighting (and I use the original meaning of the word here, not the diluted tiktok version of it), convincing people to do sexual and/or romantic acts that they have no desire to do, to fix an issue that doesn’t exist, with the explicit goal of making someone not queer. Please explain to me how that is not conversion therapy.

Other forms of arophobia and acephobia are prevalent in psychiatric institutions as they are today, tho I wouldn’t call most of those conversion therapy. You only need to look at the notes on my post to see what I’m talking about.

I genuinely hope that this is a formative experience for you, and that in the future, you learn to actually read what is written before you send messages like this. Have a good day.

[thatdeadaquarius]

OP your addtion about the Harbinger's reaction? Sent me wheezing to the moon 🤣🤣💀

I dont have any additions to Teyvat language yet (other anons have a more in depth explanations while mine is just shitposts wheEZE--) but I did have an idea for a Genshin AU.

I'm pretty sure everybody has heard about the blue alien people Avatar. Tribal people from another planet. (Also I just stumbled upon the forests of Sumeru while going through Chasm quests. The one that has giant mushrooms).

Imagine Genshin in the Avatar Au. Sumeru can be based on the first movie (It fits cause from what I can explore of Sumeru reminds me of the time I watched Avatar of the first time. Pure awe and wonder..) While the Water nation can be based on the 2nd movie, Hoyoverse hasnt released the name of the Water Country yet so we're just waiting. Mondstadt can be based on the upcoming 3rd (4th or 5th? Idk they had it lined up) movie that involves being high above the clouds. Kind of like the Jade palace or the Floating Abode in the serenitea pot.

Its all I could base for now since the other movies dont have that much info yet to be paired with Genshin's countries.

Bonus idea that randomnly popped into my head:

Still going with this Au but its sagau themed. Creator!Reader arrives to Teyvat and is considered as Eywa

NOW THIS

THIS IS AN ✨️IDEA✨️

I just want u to know i feel b l e s s e d that u put this in MY ask box , when this coulda been a whole post of ur own 💖💖🙏🙏

WARNING: So i havent seen the new movie, just the og Avatar one, and i totally loved that concept about Eywa and how their world works so ill refresh myself but if theres any new lore from the 2nd movie i aint got it yet 💁 srry babs

🎵 FROM THE DAY WE ARRIVED ON THE PLANEETTT

AND STEPPED OUT BLINKING INTO THE SUN

AND THE SUN ROSE HIGH IN A SAPPHIRE SKY

ITS THE CIRRRRCCCLLLEEE OF LIFFFFEEEE 🎵

^ except ur like the life itself bc ur god now

Thats why i put that there

This AU radiates that energy

♤

BRO I TOTALLY FORGOT ABT U MENTIONIMG THE COOL CHASM STUFF AND PICKED THAT GIF ALL ON MY OWN

BC I THOUGHT IF ANYTHING LOOKS LIKE EYWA TREE IN GENSHIN ITS THAT BEAUTIFUL MUSHROOM GOD

ANYWAYS-

So I accidentally posted this too early so keep refreshing or coming back bc if theres no "♡the beloveds♡" im still updating this then LMAO

SRRY GUYS

So anon's a genius and i could listen to u talk about this all day

I fucking love combining world building or lore together

Esp like making one the AU or just the setting like u said with Avatar worlds as settings and same characters-

EEEEEE U ARE EYWA- YESSSSS YESSSSSS I AM YOUR GOD BITCHES!!! SUCK ON MY BIG FAT MAN TIDDIES BITCHES RAHHHHH /REF

♧

So they deffo use "Eywa" as a term for you instead of your name

Honestly, before when u were a mysterious af planet creature thing (lets say u get isekaied there i mean)

Nobody rlly knew if u even could take a mortal form or even thought of that as a concept

I feel like the younger generations immortals and Teyvat's current countries kinda think of you Eywa as more of a passive entity life force thing

Rather than the older immortals and creatures that had seen thru eons or over the course of a couple thousand years

That u were very aware and intelligent

Not that ur energy or aura didnt tell them that alone

◇

So a little deeper into the Teyvat lore here but i dont see anybody else talking about it so I will

Originally, it was the Seven Sovriegns and you, and eventually Phanes and their Four Shades,

And they literally all quickly came to realize u literally made this planet and began to start the first traditions of worshipping you!

Like putting gifts or hand made goods at the base

(Ppl have also gotten a tradition from Morax/Rex Lapis and Guizhong and other adepti to leave birthday letters to offer you, which ties into what i say below⬇️)

Ya know,

Eywa the tree could even be a sort of source to the eyes of Teyvat of what you look like while u were playing the game

Like how Eywa's little jellyfish reach ppl in the forest and shit? I think?

So like i would imagine that whatever u make certain vessels or acolytes do most often, is what they think they should offer u :0

◇

Claymore users give u gemstones and ores

Bow users give u hunted game like fowl, or the treasure from puzzles that required arrows (like those bursting blue balloons?)

Catalysts and Polearms give u all kinda of crazy shit lmao

Bc they can be used for a vareity of things

◇

Bc of ur player status and abilities, people of Teyvat attribute a gain in power or talents or whatnot to you, Eywa

So say u actually physically there now, and u just wake up under the coolest sickest tree youve ever seen in ur life

Omg could u imagine????

Seeing Teyvat irl? But AVATAR WORLD IRL???!!!

You would stand there lookin around like a drunk fuck for like 20 minutes, maybe longer lmao

Its just so ✨️pretty✨️ here

Also the tree itself just feels like, the equivalent to ur bedroom basically but like specifically if it was hella comfy and like just the way u want it (all the decor is up, the floor is clean, u got like hot choco on ur desk, theres a candle burning, etc.)

♤

Oh so since ur like weirdly connected to the land, like u know how theres a voice line abt walking in that glowing aranara part of Sumeru and ur steps light up?

I saw that too in the OG avatar movie

So i feel like u would have a map with ALLLLL the peoples on it and little icons

U can focus on just vision users or bosses or big nature things like Dragonspine

◇

Oh so Eywa can control all animals and whatnot and so u as a mortal person can too

So anytime theres a threat u can deadass just become a pokemon trainer LMAO

Ok but think how badass it would be to just like,

Get the Primo Geovishap or Giant Bird Jadeplume Terror thingy to just leave their territory and wipeout some mfs

(coughunknowngodasomodaycough)

It would be fucking amazing

♧

Unrelated to above bc im just spitting out ideas srry guys

but like

I feel like if u were a lifeforce sort of ancient eldritch god for the entire goddamn continent of Teyvat let alone the whole planet-

You would have to maintain said continent/planet

Like, make sure the Irminsul is growing okay, protect from mfs like Dottore,

Stop diasters if ur Eywa too, esp bc u can hear prayers now, and would hear ppl crying out to help them geez

while the prayers of the many kinda just glob together to form the major "feeling" of the prayer for most creatures,

Vision users, gods, ancient creatures u can get their exact sentences

Basically more magic = better heard to connect with u

◇

Oh u know, i could even see it being even more manual or personal labor bc ur not like a tree connected to ur roots thruout the world technically

Like if volcanoes erupt in Natlan, the archon and gods there help and u r also wanted/needed in person for it to work

U would still be powerful, but yeah like say the tree was u just playing genshin before,

The game automatically regulated diasters and stuff other than what was supposed to happen in game

◇

So kinda bouncing off that I read smwhere that the Na'vi dont actually view Eywa as like omnipotent or omniscient

(like the God™️ from the Christian bible for a example of what your not)

And also! Dont blame/attribute natural diasters, plagues, or other bad stuff on Eywa

So good for you whew 💦

Ur actually supposed to kinda just be the collective lifeforce or Teyvat/world and nature, and a defender and guide of life :0

Which kinda fits with the whole "upgrading characters" thing actually

◇

Okay but I saw somewhere in SAGAU tag someone did another name instead of Creator to spice it up and its "All-Mother"

And interestingly, Eywa in Avatar is also called that and "Great Mother"!!

How fun :0

Also, the reason Eywa still got people with free-will is bc they kinda described the relationship to Eywa being something like a mother or parent

Maybe where name/titles came from ig?

Either way, ppl be calling u all types of nicknames u aint heard before lmao

I mean ur sacred, they dont just say ur name,

Nobody knows ur real name or what u call yourself

Just what they call u

Bc they couldnt communicate with u super well before, (the bday letters were the closest they got verbally, and even then they had to be addressed somewhat to ur first vessel the traveler to get thru/be seen)

Otherwise yeah u operating them lets say before on Earth you rlly felt like an eldritch nature deity 💀

Cause u guide them in battles, strengthen their talents and skills and bodies, and feed them food

If they were in battle like needing healing food, u help them heal by consuming it for them so they dont have to take a snack break in battle and

Let me tell u, these denizens of Teyvat who have to constantly deal with magic and monsters and abyss stuff, so a stroll outside ur house gets u in a fight...

...They are very grateful for that needless to say.

Plus i like to think u make fighting easier on them bc ur "guiding" their bodies

◇

Anyway thats a long winded way to say, help me think of all the names Teyvat's given you lmao:

Eywa

All-Mother / Great Mother

All-Father / Great Father

All-Parent? / Great Parent

Creator

Their Grace

Great Puppeteer

The Puppeteer

Soul of Teyvat

Greatest Soul

☆

She aint long bc im not that creative and this idea has sm potential too😔

I would love to be Eywa sounds fun and powerful af and i dont get expected to be Jesus and they know i dont cause the natural diasters, like that sounds nice

Aight im no genius and this writing feels like im just rambling like a drunk guy sittin on the sidewalk mumbling to myself, i had to stop writing 💀

Like that energy specifically-

So lmk if yall got any other cool titles or names :0

I couldn't think of anymore :/

Also srry about the updating this post and making u check back in if u already read this before i put the taglist

(Me putting the taglist means im done editing/writing this dw if u seein this)

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡my beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[iztea]

hi! I saw your post about critiquing another persons art work and it made me realize i dont like my current drawing process

Mostly because I have shaky hands and don’t really like line art because it takes me too long and i still dont like how it looks so im trying to switch to a more painterly style

Do you have any advice? Particularly on defining 3d forms?

P.S.

(I love your art style! You draw so beautifully and I love how you stylize anatomy and hair particularly)

yeah i feel you, i think everyone starts digital art with a lineart heavy style in mind and then gradually drop it as it is pretty hard to master

i'm not sure i'm the best person to ask about defining 3D forms as i myself struggle with that, but i thing that i noticed is that if you don't have a stable base or foundation to paint over then the process will become exponentially harder. So what i do is i make sure i have a cohesive sketch. Not a clean one, not a pretty one, but one where i am sure where everything goes and one that helps me predict and better visualize how things will end up once i get there. If the sketch is so messy to the point where i can't tell a leg apart or i don't know the general form of the fabric then i'll have a much, much harder time rendering later on.. So i think making sure the "skeleton" of your art is set in place. Again it's not about it looking good or clean it's about knowing what you'll be doing with it in the later stages.

But let's say you do have a clean sketch, or even lineart. I think the easiest way to give form to your subject is by choosing a light source ( it doesn't have to be dramatic, it can just be ambient light ) and then paint shadows in the areas where light can't reach. It depends on your style really, but for me i use a darker (but still saturated) color under the chin, under the eyes, where the bangs/hair meets the face and for the nose area i kinda just make a blob (i don't paint noses that much as you might have noticed bdshj but you know,, check out other artists you like and examine how they handle shading). Just try to think of everything as oversimplified shapes. limbs are cylinders, the torso is like a parallelipiped or a box or a sack of beans or whatever you see fit, the head another box etc... just keep it simple, Less is more

Oh and also, for a painterly style, i suggest avoiding overkilling it with the rendering. Let the brush strokes speak for themselves and keep it vague/ abstract. Our brains are smart and they loove filling in blanks for us if they're given some general information so let the viewer do the hard work, don't explain everything.. this is also a good way to practice developing an artstyle but i'm getting off topic if i wasn't blabbering enough already. A painterly style is imperfect and messy and vague at times and you should let it be that way, don't force perfection onto it as you'll deprive it of humanity these are my two cents on the matter hope it made sense and helped in any way? if not you can always watch yt videos or listen to more qualified people than me

[burningvelvet]

to cope with my post-binge blues from watching black sails, i just finished the treasure island audiobook. it's my first time with any treasure island media - now i have to watch the muppets movie. any way here are my thoughts:

- i knew the character of trelawney had to be based on the romantic era edward john trelawny of byron/shelley fame and I WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sources: WONG, AMY R. “The Poetics of Talk in Robert Louis Stevenson’s ‘Treasure Island.’" A Sandison Robert Louis Stevenson and the Appearance of Modernism

- i know that black sails isn't fully intended to be a perfect prequel or meant to be taken as filling in all of the gaps to treasure island but i'm still going to compare & contrast the two lol

- billy spending his whole life obsessed with flint and having alcohol withdrawal induced hallucinations about him. OMG. and i'm shocked that they just casually dropped that he visited flint in georgia to get the map like did flint request to see him before he died, was it just about the map, or did he want closure about the whole thing, did billy seek flint out, why didn't they kill each other, how the fuck did that whole thing go? i need more information dammit

- saw another post on here talking about how in black sails flint has that speech about the drunk guy named flint asking his grandpa for rum before disappearing into the sea and then in treasure island we find out flints last words were asking a "darby mcgraw" for rum before he died SO IN THE BLACK SAILS UNIVERSE DARBY IS HIS GRANDPA and so im wondering DID FLINT 1.0 EVER EXIST AT ALL OR WAS IT SIMPLY FORESHADOWING ALL ALONG but at the same time it doesnt matter because the black sails creators said the ending is intentionally canonically up to interpretation and black sails canon and treasure island canon dont match up any way but still it gives us so much to think about bc we never canonically find out who the fuck darby is

- the doctor is the funniest character ever and him giving zero shits about billy or silver is hilarious LMAO

- rly enjoy the descriptions of the contents of billy's pockets and chest. i love old shit and that whole nautical aesthetic ugh. im currently wondering about the significance of the five sea shells billy had (jim wonders abt them too) if they were souvenirs from the island or what... but we never find out!!

- and what the fuck was up with those black spots I NEED ANSWERS! It worked on Billy but not Silver?

- having grown up on PotC i'm very enthused at the references (the song, the rum, "dead mens chest," etc)

- wish we saw more of jims mom, she was lowkey a badass for a moment there telling everyone off and willing to face the wrath of the pirates with her son lol

- love how the men just take jim on for his valour and then decide to make him a cabinboy and the mom just gets a replacement son to help her around the house lmaoooo i wonder if that was a common thing for single women to do though?

- long john silver has a sort of jekyll/hyde personality (btw the author stevenson also wrote jekyll/hyde for those of you who dont know!) - also why the fuck did they leave him to his own devices toward the end and not have a gun on him 24/7 like? i was also shocked that he didnt run off with all the gold only some of it. most chaotic character ever

- my biggest questions are why did black sails take out the alcoholism and the sea shanties? but importantly the alcholism - if they were going for gritty, as they were? flint and billy's alcoholism is integral to their characters (defines their characters actually) in the book as contrasted by silvers moderation & thats rly interesting. and the lack of singing is just boring - pirates rly did have sea shanties - however i can understand for time constraints per episode and whatnot them taking out the singing for practicality - but the alcoholism again is integral to those characters as well as being historically accurate and realistic & would have added a lot imo

EDIT: immediately after posting this i realized that since there are a few years between the treasure burial and flint's supposed death in georgia, he could have become a drunk in that time if we're creating a black sails to treasure island timeline, and billy wouldn't have become a drunk til later on since black sails is set roughly 20 yrs before treasure island.

HOWEVER - by the talks of it in treasure island, and all the pirates referring to flint as a drunk etc., it would still seem that flint was always that way when they knew him, prone to drinking... but at the same time i guess you could say all the characters are jollier than in black sails as indicated by their singing and their more stereotypical piratey ways.

however i still think the alcoholism & addiction theme would have added an extra layer to everything especially after flints sad drunk scene with eleanor. also in toby stephens deep fathoms interview he said flint is essentially like an addict when it comes to his delusion & desires. anyway i digress

transcript here, audio is on youtube: https://www.justsaypodcast.com/blog/2018/12/18/transcript-interview-with-toby-stephens-of-black-sails

[pokemon-ash-aus]

Peach do you have any fun speculative biology trivia knowledge stuff about Paradox Pokemon you wanna share? They're like, so bizarre and wasn't sure if you had any interesting thoughts theories ect!

Peach: So glad you asked, now sit down shut up and let m talk your ear off.

Peach: The biology of some of these pokemon make little to no sense, Iron Hands for example, is a purely metallic body that is powered by electricty. Makes sense right? WRONG!

Peach: In order for something of that calibur to work it would need a consistent charging- even electric types to this day, myself included, need time to regenerate electricty to our bodies demanded standard. Some of us eat some batteries, others bathe in electricity, and a few of us share electricty amongat ourselves to create a positive charge

Peach: But that's not the case for these guys! They consume more electricty than any other pokemon ever could, theyre entire being is powered by it. They're moves need a source of energy in order to create certain things. Its easy to create a being capable of a Water gun or a thunderbolt, but the amount of energy needed to pull that off must be extreme

Peach: How do they refill on that energy? They dont escape Area Zero, and sure- batteries are a possibility but what happens wgen they run out?

Peach: I can argue that they use Solar energy to consume and create energy but then why can they consume food like we can? Does that mean that they compost ingredients to create energy without waste? How does that take into effect fire tyoe moves that can burn faster.

Peach: Logistically speaking, they expend so much more energy than they can consume at our current understanding. How can they be living pokemon but not at the same essence? Something isnt ringing right.

Peach: Im also curious on the past pokemon as well. A lot of them have secondary typings that help rather than hinder. That one- uhhh- The Misdrevious looking fuck- is a good example!

Peach: A Ghost/Fairy typing that has an access to a plethora of moves. Clearly, they didnt go extinct and simply just evolved overtime to be the Mismagius and Misdreavus we see today. But- why did that typing go away?

Peach: Realistically- lets look at this. Ghost types have certain weaknesses, primarily Ghost and Dark types. Resistant completely again fighting and normal and only semi resistant to Bug and Poison.

Peach: With the fairy typing, suddenly, they are only weak against Ghost and Steel- an even weakness across the board, but their Resistance suddenly changes completely against Normal, Dragon and fighting and then only minorly against Ghost. Poison suddenly being normal damage due too the fairy typing but that's okay.

Peach: We can argue that the typings back then reacted differently to the ones now but if that's the case- why don't we see that change?

Peach: a lot of them have an added benefit with that second typing that was suddenly removed as they evolved. The only one i truly understand is Slitherwing- changing fighting into flying as they grew wings. And the dragon looking fuck that shed the dark type to avoid the stronger hits of a Fairy.

Peach: I just hate them so much >:(

[raytm]

this is just me reposting my OC details with some edits so that i can then link it in my docs lmao.

do you know how hard it is to fabricate an OC without feeling like you're attaching them too acutely to the main story / giving them main character syndrome. anyway, here's ki's basic lore. it's very much altered from when i first designed him, so the art is very much based on his initial conceptualisation and was commissioned by me through a friend ( i dont have the artists twitter but i will do my utmost to source it for credit sake ) i'll also add a face claim i once had of him which does depict him more in his time on the xianzhou. < i did a bit of adjusting, thank u 2 saint >

It is said that when a foxian kit reaches for one of three objects a path will be granted to them and for him, it was the sword. with a proclivity for close quarters combat and expertise in swords play it was inevitable that when the advent of war came to the xianzhou and with that, the third abundance war, that he would rise to meet the military’s call to arms. by this time he was a prominent swordsman, with skills that hindered the abundance’s troops. however, when the rainbow arbiter struck down the armies and the perpetuated bloodshed came to its conclusion he was tallied amongst those fallen. he does not recall vividly the days of conflict, if anything they are amorphous hauntings of a life before and suffused with suffering. he died on the battlefield and alongside did his identity. Ki cannot say precisely who spared his life on that calamitous field of death and fire but he awoke, facilitated for healing, the consensus came to between the almost fatally wounded foxian and the benefactor was that in exchange for his life, he would pledge his to the benefactor. with his memories nothing but an incessant pang of  reminiscence for a blade he once wielded, he accepted the masked strangers offer and thus, their pact was sealed. the foxian works at a tavern, often utilized by the masked fools as a place of revelry. as the barkeep Ki is an affable, compassionate man who accommodates those who find themselves at the tavern, drawn into a mystical, if not perilous world of mirthful carousing. there is little left of the once ambitious, exuberant youth who had wielded his blade for the sake of his homeland. he has had contact consistently with his benefactor, a masked man, whose face was never revealed to him, both in the tavern and in the outside world, he knows himself to be an asset to that man and continues to operate under the understanding that he owes this person his life. any semblance of the life he once led comes back to him only in abstract dreams, a face, or a blade, or an inundation of surging crimson blood and agony. He believes, truthfully, that the life he follows now is more peaceful and holds no intention of his own to return to his homelands. for the sake of gathering intel, keeping tabs on the operations of specific, influential individuals and those who fall to inebriation to elevate their spirits, he was allocated to work in penacony, as a bartender in the entertainment district of the dreamscape. He’s made quite a name for himself as one who is both eloquent and talented at mixing a delicious cocktail or two. Ki, currently, maintains the facade of an employee while also furtively supplying information to his benefactor. Ki does have a mask, but has only been known to wear it to particularly intense revelries. ( https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/hzYAAOSwEZ1gWJ1t/s-l1600.jpg 

his original name is lì yǔ xián and im still navigating the timeline but considering the war on year 8072 of the Star Calendar and the current timeline is at ??? idk that ki has been with / affiliated with / part of the masked fool for atleast the greater part of a few decades > a century idk where we're falling rn but he's bit with them for a hot minute.