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#im bad at expressed my thought sad
tanicus-caesareth · 5 months
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guarana drama, damage control
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bunnihearted · 3 months
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🌷🕸️
#i've been thinking about this quite a lot on and off for a while#but to try to process it more i just wanna try to vent:#my sexuality is very messy. even inside my head. so scary. so complicated...?? so just thoughts of it are scary#and like there has only ever been one person who like just thinking about sex with has felt like good#not scary or terrifying. not with all of my avpd symptoms woven in (like one is that idk if i could ever have sex w someone#like actually be with them and be able to look them in the eyes and then also keep talking to them afterwards and not just run away and#never see them again. that's just one thing and this isnt abt that so anyway#like yeah just thinking about sex w him feel ok. safe and comfortable. and enjoyable and like i can and want it#which is smth like... with my other crushes before i've fantasized abt having sex w them but it felt bad and scary ://#and like i didnt actually want sex w them...#and with this person that isnt there. it's scary in a way since like im not experienced at all and idk how it feels irl 💀#but not in the way i usually feel abt it!!!!#so this just in my head#plus the fact that like talking and expressing some of my thoughts TO him ... felt good and safe and comfortable#is actually such a gift from him.... and i'll always treasure this (one of many things haha ^^)#bc he made me experience this and that i can feel good and ok and safe about it#i do feel sad that when this was current i was so cautious and shy bc it was so new to me#i was feeling smth real and genuine emotionally w him and i wasnt just saying stuff ... if that makes sense lmao#hmmm... yeah i've never felt good abt it before that w him. so it was so so new. and i couldnt quite get used to it fast#now im getting messy in my thoughts again sksksk#i just feel like this meant so much to me to just have had it#and idk im just so happy to know that these feelings are possible for me .. and i feel thankful for him that he gave me this not so little#thing/feeling/experience#now... the thing is... he is the only one i've felt all of the things with. like attraction/safe/comfortable/taken seriously etc etc.... so#umm what do i do now? 💀#ig either way im glad i know that this exists for me and that im not incapable of it. even if my avpd makes me feel that way#ok.. skurr skurr?#but yeah sexuality is so fkn scary for me idk it just gets too much i wanna cry T-T
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thatgirlwithasquid · 5 months
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disappointed in myself that im whining about antis here but it really does get me a bit when i see them using other characters just as tools to hate certain fans more. cause like, when theyre not even posting in those character’s tags and say they hate seeing us there and to stay away from these characters. like. no. i actively like them and will not be doing that.
its just sometimes so apparent that they dont care about the other character, they just want to take them away from other fans out of some strange spite. and i find that so sad, especially when the character is one that doesnt get that much love at all.
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arcaneyouth · 1 year
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honestly its so disheartening to regularly see shit like kinning or shifting or whatever theyre calling that get so shit on by most people, or to have the meaning change to something more tame and palatable for most people. i believe in that shit in a spiritual/religious kind of way. but unfortunately other people like me can be real fucking annoying about it in an easy to make fun of way so i probably shouldnt express that shit unless i want to be made fun of as well.
like even if they're being cringe about it and even if theyre not doing it for spiritual reasons like me maybe dont? make fun of them? for being cringe? and going "stupid idiot doesn't know its not real"?? yeah i dont think these people should be insisting this is scientific when its very much not but also like hey leave us alone maybe
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I dont think telling disabled people who use AI to make 2D digital art to Go Do Some Other Kind Of Art is helpful or even like halfway decent behavior. I think its really shitty to be like “I understand youre doing this because you physically cannot draw and never will be able to, but have you considered doing something else instead because major corporations are probably going to latch onto this technology to steal jobs from other artists, so clearly the solution is to just stop developing technology instead of Something Else”
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inbabylontheywept · 1 month
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bad dating stories time: the shoe incident
so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.
at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.
he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?
and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.
but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.
i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?
(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)
and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.
i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.
that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.
i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.
anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.
i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.
we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.
he was okay at it.
eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.
soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.
realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:
"i can't get pregnant"
which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.
still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"
and then i was in my car, and i drove away.
if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.
and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.
WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.
we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.
do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.
and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.
then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.
and then they started making out.
i was close enough to hear it.
i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.
so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.
now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.
so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.
about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.
my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.
my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.
they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?
and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.
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get it off your chest , get it off my desk // theodore nott x fem ravenclaw reader
playlist: lavender haze - taylor swift , cruel summer - taylor swift
summary: theodore nott always tormented you , teased you. you never knew why and until now you didnt care , even harboring a small secret crush on him- but when his whole demeanor switches to that of affection and love notes. your confusion and anger becomes overwhelming.
y/n used , ravenclaw reader , fluff , comedy/cringey , bullying , theos annoying , swearing , not proofread
masterlist
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"got your nose in a book again y/n, shakespeare poems? wow a romantic. its sad yknow, no wonder you dont have any friends." theodore nott smirked as he slapped the book in your hands out of them and onto the floor.
"fuck off nott she does have friends , im literally right here." your best friend - lisa turpin - sneered at the boy , throwing him the deadliest of glares.
"ah turpin didnt spot you there. not surprised i didnt spot you considering youre so irrelevant, youre practically see through." theodore looked at her coldly , his foot stomping on your book on the floor to stop you from retrieving it.
"nott , get your foot off my book!" you exclaimed , theo turning to you with a overdramatic shock.
"so she does speak! i thought you were mute or something little y/n" he laughed , all of his friends hollering behind him. it really wasnt that funny.
"we talk practically everyday because all you do is fucking harrass me!" you fumed.
"hey hey hey! dont swear sweetheart , its so unlady like!" he pretended to be offended , his smug smile betraying him.
"fuck off nott and just leave me alone, its been 5 years and im truly wonder when you will LEAVE ME ALONE!!" you emphasised the last few words , screaming at him before grabbing lisas hand and storming down the corridor.
theodore could only stare after your figure with a satisfied smile. it was obvious that theo had never been one to express his feelings well , so when he fully fell head over heals for you in first year - his immediate reaction was to bully you. ridiculous right? all of his friends think so but all of them are too afraid to tell him....well asides from pansy parkinson.
"theodore nott when will you grow a fucking pair and ask the girl out rather than tormenting her!" pansy finally snapped , for the first time in 5 years of theodores pathetic pining , she finally stood up to him and took one for the team.
upon hearing her words , theodores laughing ceased automatically , the group of slytherins behind him falling into a dead silence.
"w-....what?" theodore stuttered quietly , staring at pansy like a deer in headlights.
"you heard me nott , everyone is sick of your little big bad theodore act you put on around that poor girl! its not her fault that you cant comprehend your fucking feelings!"pansys loud shouts making the boy snap out of his daze , unforgiving anger cascading over his once shocked face.
"who the fuck do you think you are parkinson!" theodore shouted back , stepping towards the girl before blaise grabbed his arm harshly.
"yeah you're definitely not going any closer to her." blaise said sternly , squeezing harsh on theos arm , "everyone agrees with pansy mate. shes just a quiet ravenclaw- either leave her alone or man up."
"bullying her isnt doing anything nott but making the girl despise you." lorenzo said angrily before running after you and calling out your name.
this only added fuel to theodores bright flame. you and lorenzo were extremely close and he had no idea why. he hated it. and watching you stop and give lorenzo a soft smile as he wrapped his arm around you , almost made theo throw up.
"theres no point in being jealous mate. that could be you if you were just a bit nicer to her." mattheo said plainly , not very interested in theodores love life but sick of the tensions growing between lorenzo and theo because of said love life.
"youre one to talk you are horrible to all of your little toys!" theodore argued back , glaring at mattheo who only shrugged.
"yeah and im not madly in love with 'my little toys'." mattheo chuckled as theodore clenched his fist tightly.
"so what do you all suggest i do then?! ive tried leaving her alone before but it just meant she paid no attention to me-" theodore was cut off by a sarcastic draco.
"God forbid the girl youve bullied for years pays no attention to you when you finally stop bullying her."
"fuck off malfoy i dont bully her i just...tease her."
"if thats teasing then whats your definition of bullying." mattheo laughed to himself.
"can you all just piss off! help me!" theodore exclaimed in desperation , seeking the advice of his bored friends.
"start flirting with her. throw in a love note or two, girls love that mate." blaise said.
"or! how about something oh so simple - start being nice?!" pansy let out with confusion having heard the boys overcomplicate something so simple.
----
so thats exactly what theodore nott did.
the next door you stayed alert as you walked through the corridors to breakfast , preparing for water or frogs to rain down on you at any second.
so when they didnt come down and theodore nott didnt run past you cackling loudly , a small skip was put in your step and a soft smile plastered on your brightening face.
"someone bubbly today!" lorenzo said with a grin as he came up ro walk besides you , an arm wrapping around your shoulder and pulling you in close.
"sure am! im dry! like actually dry!" you grinned happily as lorenzo admired the once in a life time joy that your face held.
"what do you mean - you sound crazy?" lorenzo laughed as you only shrugged with the same smile.
"nott has usually soaked me in water or some kind of spell by now , but im actually fine! the spawn of satan is nowhere to be seen!" you left lorenzos arm to skip through the door of the great hall , the fluffy haired boy laughing behind you.
"hi everyoneee~!" you sang out softly as you sat down on the wooden bench across from lisa , luna and cho , sitting besides padma.
they all stared at you oddly , confusion laying on the furrow of their brows , "are you okay?..." chos thick accent rang out in your ears.
"im absolutely perfect, have you guys noticed anything?" you asked joyfully.
"well it certainly feels like we should have-" luna started softly before you cut her off.
"im dry! and i dont have green hair , or purple eyes and im not crying!" you beamed brightly , hugging padmas side as she hesitantly patted your back , exchanging looks of shock with the other girls.
"thats great y/n - but im confused-" lisa said as you stopped her by grabbing her hand and squeezing it excitedly.
"theodore nott has left me alone!" you shouted with happiness , gaining some judging looks from those around you, not that you cared right.
all of the girls faces relaxed with realisation letting out soft 'ooh!'s and gasps , before grinning just like you.
"this is amazing news , no more nott!" lisa cheered happily as you all laughed.
"this calls for celebration." luna stated softly , reaching into her pocket and pulling out a chocolate bar , "its muggle chocolate harry gave me. no better occasion than now to have it."
you all smiled and thanked the blonde girl as she passed out some chocolate to each out you.
you let yourself release a small sigh of contentment before a small piece of parchment landed on your empty plate.
all of you fell into an eery silence as you stared at the piece of paper , every one of you recognising the cursive writing to be theodore notts.
you gulped harshly as padma gasped , all of you silently processing the dreaded appearance of the note.
slowly and reluctantly , you grabbed the note , unfolding it in your hands.
' Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer’s lease hath all too short a date; Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; And every fair from fair sometime declines, By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm'd; But thy eternal summer shall not fade, Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st; Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade, When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:    So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,    So long lives this, and this gives life to thee. - T.N '
you released the note from your hard clutch as the words sunk in. EW!! EW EW EW. you had never gotten such a feeling of ickyness before. theodore nott has written down a shakespeare sonnet and addressed it to you?!
"i feel sick!" you let out loudly as your friends scrambled to grab the note and read it , padma rubbing your back in comfort having already read it over your shoulder.
"its not that bad y/n its...romantic.." padma said with hesitation.
"romantic?! padma , im going to throw up and ive not even had the luxury of eating my breakfast yet!!" you let out in horror.
cho , luna and lisa across from you put the paper down on the table , exchanging glances and holding back loud laughs.
"i mean...atleast its not a bucket of cold water?" cho tried to reason quietly.
----
ever since the note hit your plate , your day had been consumed by pure terror. your face pale and your eyes dazed as you soullessly walked the halls to your last lesson of the day , potions with the slytherins.
"y/n, it truly isnt so bad , ive never been sent a love note before.." padma tried to reason and leve your disgusted and angered state.
"thats great for you, i really wish i could say the same!" you shivered as you remembered the words on the parchment.
lisa and padma laughed lightly as you bit back your own laughed , standing in front of the potions door with hesitation, "got to face the devil guys, theodore nott."
"the devil that wrote down a sonnet and gave it to you!" lisa teased as your whole face twisted with disgust , shivers running through your body.
"lets get this over with." you sighed as the other two girls nodded sadly and opened the girls, both of them walking over to your usual group of tables.
you went to greet lorenzo, your usual potions partner , and pull out your chair before seeing mattheo riddle sitting in it.
"well hello summer!" he said with a teasing grin.
"my name isnt summer-" you asked with confusion before realising his reference to the sonnet, "shut up riddle and get out of my seat!"
him and lorenzo laughed before mattheo shook his head with a smug smile , "im afraid i cant do that summer , but would you look at that! theres a free seat besides theo!"
your eyes darted around the room , searching for a better alternative , but there wasnt one , the only seat was besides theo and snape could be heard storming down the hallways towards the room. snape would go off if you werent sat down upon is entry , so you simply ran to the seat besides theodore and sat down just in time.
"hi-" theo started happily before being cut off by snapes monotone voice.
"open your textbooks to page 509 , if you dont have your textbook, detention." snape stated simply as mattheo sighed , knowing he didnt have his textbook.
the whole lesson had gone on painfully slow , theodore seeming to get closer to you every minutes , his arm touching yours and his knee brushing yours under the table. you were desperate to leave this room.
so when 50 minutes later snape said how disappointed he is in your class' work and stormed out of the room , you jumped from your chair and began to pack your bag along with everyone else.
your actions were cut short , when a now standing theodore placed a note on your side of the table.
you stared at it in silence , the same cursive words spelling your name and folded parchment as this morning.
".....get this off my desk nott!" you seethed, catching the attention of lots of your remaining classmates.
"why? i wrote it for you so read it." he said , with a light blush , avoiding your eyes by packing his bag.
"either get it off your chest right here , right now - or leave me be! i dont want your stupid love notes!!" you shouted at him , the boys jaw clenching.
he swiftly turned around , so quickly and so close to you that you stumbled a few steps back , "i love you!"
the whole room fell into a deep silence , the tension thick and the harsh stares blinding.
"w.....what?!-" you asked in pure surprise , frozen and feet glued to the ground.
"i love you and i have done for ages , im just shit at showing it! blaise told me girls like love notes and i was stupid enough to believe him!" theodore let out quickly , his nervous state echoing through his rushed words.
"dont blame me-" blaise muttered before being smacked on the arm by a completely invested pansy.
"you...dont joke about stuff like that nott i knew you were horrible but this? this is fucking cruel!" you shouted at him , tears building in your eyes as you grabbed your bag and stormed out.
theodore watched in horror as you walked out , crying silently , he ran out after you abandoning his bag and leaving your fellow potions students in shock.
"that was better than the movies!" mattheo laughed loudly , breaking the silence in the room.
---
"y/n!" theo shouted after you as you stomped through the empty dungeons, desperately trying to escape to the comfort of your dorm.
"y/n!" theo shouted again, both of you beginning to fully sprint down the corridor.
"fuck off nott!" your voice broke as you shouted and ran.
though none of it was worth it as the boy grabbed your hand and pushed you to the wall in the most gentle way possible , using his hands besides your head and his body to cage you.
"let me go!" you screeched ,as the boy simply stared down at you.
"y/n whats wrong-"
"whats wrong?! WHATS WRONG?!" you screamed as he winced , "you bullied me for 5 years and now one sudden day , you love me?! and you think im going to be okay with that! who told you?!"
your last words caught the boy off guard , as he looked up from the floor and gaped at you , confused , "what do you mean who told me?-"
"that i used to have some stupid crush on you - thats why right?!" you seethed with anger as theos jaw dropped to the floor , staring at you.
"you have a crush on me-?"
"had! had a crush on you!" you said bitterly as he broke out into a grin.
"i- i dont know what to say , i had no idea." he said as your face paled.
you had just told theodore that you had a crush on him....definitely just had.
"i-...haha , i was just joking ha ha!" you forced out a fake laugh as he grinned at you , grabbing your face softly.
"im so sorry for everything i ever did to you i just...i just wanted your attention." he said quietly , looking down ashamed.
"i dont know if i can forgive you, youve made me miserable for years theodore." his eyes glassed over at your works , "but maybe i could give you a chance to change..."
he beamed with a smile reminiscent to the one you had this morning as he hugged you happily.
"i promise , ill only ever make you smile summer."
you cringed at his use of the nickname and pushed the happy boy off you , "dont get ahead of yourself , im simply giving you a second chance and - dont ever call me summer again."
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propertyofwicked · 6 months
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SECRETS part 3 - LN
lando x fewtrell!reader
no content warnings for this part ! :) (there is more fluff in this part, finally)
p.s i wrote half of this on a train that smelt so bad so if its bad we blame thameslink <3
previous part -> next part
masterlist the playlist
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max decided he’d talk to his sister later, right now, he needed to focus on being there for lando. right now, they were sat in the mclaren garage, qualifiers underway and lando doing so well. even y/n started to believe she was a lucky charm. and indeed, lando now believed she was 100% his lucky charm.
the moment his post-qualifying responsibilities ended, he came bounding over to y/n and max, first taking max into what y/n could only describe as a bro hug, ending when he swiftly moved to embrace her, mumbling a chant of ‘thank yous’ in her ear. he caught max in an awkward stare, prompting him to let go of y/n.
“thank me? what for? that was all you lan,” she said, smiling up at him as she moved her arms to cross over her chest.
“thanks to my lucky charm,” he said to both of them, but smirking at y/n, “im starting 2nd on the grid tomorrow. strong start means a strong race,” he finished, still beaming from ear to ear.
“me and y/n are going out for some food in a bit if you wanna join mate,” max said, smiling back at his friend.
“yeah sounds good. ive got to shower, but i’ll swing by and pick you both up from your hotel at 5?”
“perfect, see you there mate.”
the drive back to the hotel was silent, y/n assumed her brother was tired, her brother was in fact thinking. more specifically, thinking about his sister and where she had been the night before. he tried to stop his mind wandering further and yet, images of his sister and best friend infiltrated his thoughts. max’s brain couldn’t stop dwelling on the way lando embraced his sister, how his hands gripped at her waist, and then he thought back to that night in monaco. the way his best friend stood behind y/n, his hands on her waist, her head rolled back onto his shoulder as they danced to the music. before he knew it, the fear and anger he thought had dissipated months ago, was bubbling back inside of him, his hands gripping the steering wheel to ground him from the feeling.
y/n noticed. of course she did. spending 20 years of your life around someone tends to give you the ability to read their every emotion - and this one was one that y/n was not too familiar with. max usually held his anger and sadness well, so the only times she’d seen this was in his earlier driving career when races didn’t go his way. she hoped so desperately he wasn’t angry with her, after all, nothing had happened, and as far as she was aware, nothing would happen.
by the time 5 o’clock came around, max had returned to his normal self, conversing with y/n normally. that’s a good sign, y/n thought to herself. and now, he was chatting to lando as he drove them to a restaurant outside of the town they were staying in. it was all going so well, max was calm, y/n and lando were friends again and nothing could ruin this moment.
“y/n, why is your lip balm in lando’s centre console?”
shit.
“oh i think it fell out the top of my bag when i climbed in the back,” she said panicked, her eyes quickly darting to lando, who was suddenly very interested in the road ahead. max seemed ok with her answer, humming with a quick nod before continuing his conversation with lando. y/n, however, was filled with a new wave of anxiety. why did she feel like this? she hadn’t even done anything? and yet, her mind was now plagued with guilt.
her hands came together, playing with her fingers and twisting her rings around to calm the anxious thoughts, a trait she’d had since childhood. lando glanced at her in his rear view mirror, seeing her facial expressions - her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth falling into a natural frown. he then spotted her hands. he tried to join her into the conversation, tried to distract her, but soon enough they were parked and walking into the restaurant. max chose to sit opposite his sister, leaving lando and y/n pushed together in the booth.
her foot tapped the floor, shaking her whole leg, as the boys talked, y/n chiming in occasionally.
“mum and dad are coming up tonight for the race tomorrow,” lando said to max, but his hand came to brush the side of y/n’s bouncing leg, his finger drawing small circles on her thigh, “they’re staying in your hotel i think.”
“good thing you did well today then isn’t it,” max replied, laughing slightly, “i can drive them to the track tomorrow morning if they want?”
“i’ll ask, im sure they’ll be glad. dad hates driving before my races, gets to nervous and forgets to indicate,” lando responds, joining max in laughing at the thought of adam norris forgetting how to drive.
“i’m just gonna run to the toilet, do either of you want a drink whilst im up?” max asked, pushing his chair back under the table as he stands. y/n nods, asking for another diet coke whilst lando declines, holding up his half full glass.
the moment max disappears from sight, lando takes y/n's hand in his, brushing his thumb up and down the back, her leg slowing its bouncing.
“what’s wrong?” he asks, quietly, sad eyes coming to meet hers.
“my lip balm lando. i don’t want to know the conclusions max will jump to, and i don’t want to be on the receiving end of his anger.”
“it’ll be fine, i promise. he’s got nothing to be angry about, we’ve done nothing wrong.”
“you didn’t see him earlier. i thought he was going to rip the steering wheel off.”
“we’ve done nothing wrong,” he repeats, “besides, you’re a grown woman who makes her own life decisions. fuck it if he has a problem.” y/n nodded in response. he had a point. she was a strong independent woman, she didn’t need her brothers permission to do anything.
for the rest of the evening, she re-joined conversations, feeling a new sense of confidence in herself that she had been lacking all weekend.
-
race day had approached quickly, y/n found herself sat in lando’s drivers room. max and lando’s parents had gone for a walk to grab some food, leaving the two of them alone. lando was pacing, his pre race nerves grew stronger every minute. quite frankly, y/n was sick of it - she sat back on the sofa, her eyes darting back and forth like the audience at a tennis match as she followed lando’s strides back and forth across the small room.
“lan?” she asked him, but he didn’t stop moving, and barely grunted to acknowledge that she’d spoken.
“lando? can you stop pacing? you’re making me dizzy,” she said with a sigh, and he finally came to a stop, and turned to look at her.
“sorry,” he said, smiling at her, as she stood up and walked towards him.
similar to last night, she took both of his hands in hers, pulling them to rest at the top of her chest. her eyes found his, staring directly into them.
“you nervous?”
“how could you tell?” he said, laughing slightly.
“you don’t need to be, you smashed qualis and you’ll smash this. besides, your lucky charm is here to save the day,” y/n said, adding a grin at the end of her sentence. the room fell into silence as he mulled her words over in his head. she was still looking at him, and he tried not to break the eye contact, but his eyes gradually dropped to look at her lips. she was still smiling at him, trying to calm him down the only way y/n knew how to. and she was still smiling at him when he leant down slightly, closing the gap between them even more.
“can i kiss you?” he asked slowly, as if to test the waters, the tension between them rising more than it ever had.
“i think that would be ok,” she said. he didn’t wait to join their lips together finally, pressing a soft kiss to her lips as his hands dropped from hers to fall and grip her waist softly. y/n’s hands moved to rest on the back of his neck, pulling him in closer, his tongue swiping her lower lip as her mouth parted to deepen the kiss.
he could’ve stayed in that moment forever, and he would’ve if a knock hadn’t interrupted the moment - y/n tensed up at the sound.
“lando are you ready? it’s time to get in the car.”
“uhh, yea. just give me a second,” he said, glancing down, first at y/n, panic leaving her shoulders as she established it wasn’t max, and then down to his fireproofs, readjusting the rest of his suit around his waist.
“we need you now, lando,” the voice said again, staying behind the door.
“we’ll continue this later,” he said pressing another kiss to her lips and her forehead, before walking to the door.
she grabbed her phone, her best friend was the only person she could trust to advise her now.
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“well done lando, that’s p2,” lando’s race engineer announced through the radio, cheers erupting in the garage. y/n moved to cisca’s embrace, celebrating his win, after spending the entire race on the edge of their seats. the group, consisting of max, y/n and lando’s parents moved round to where lando’s car would pull in, excited to celebrate his podium with him.
when he was finally free from the cockpit, he moved to push his visor up, eyes darting around the crowd in hopes of spotting a familiar face. he spotted his mum first, and then the girl stood next to her. her smile could outshine the sun, he had thought to himself as he made great strides towards the group. lando reached over the low fencing, grabbing his mum into a tight embrace, her hand rubbing up and down his back supportively. when he stepped back and looked to his right, he saw y/n again. still smiling up at him. he would never get tired of seeing her smile.
his hands moved to her face, holding her jaw, eyes staring into hers. she couldn’t see his smile through his helmet, but she knew he was beaming. her own hands had risen to hold the sides of his helmet. he stared for a second longer before moving to pull her into an embrace tighter than his mums.
“my lucky charm,” he said to her, loud enough for a few people around her to hear.
“go get weighed and finish up. ill see you after,” she said as he pulled back, him nodding at her. just as he turned to celebrate with the rest of the team, she pulled him back.
“oh, and lando - im proud of you.” with that he left.
y/n turned to her side, looking at cisca, who was still smiling, an odd glint to her eyes. she then turned behind her, expecting to see her brother. but he wasn’t there.
“adam? where’s max?” she asked the man who had been stood next to max.
“he, um, he just left. didn’t say anything to me. he just kind of, walked off?” lando’s dad responded, looking as confused as she did.
this was not good. in fact, this was very bad.
★ ☆ ✦ ✧ ✩ ✶
tag list: @harrysdimple05 @scopeiguess @hiireadstuff @landosgirlxoxo @natt9598 @phantomxoxo @val-writes @secretgal66 @ririyulife @littlehoneyfreak @leclercdream
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vivvangel · 8 months
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blue baby | park jongseong.
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synopsis: jay adores his girl a little too much and turns out his dick does too. › pairings & content: idol bf jay x idol reader (doesn't really matter) fluff, and suggestive. ✧ warning: suggestive jokes, cuddling, playful banter, use of nicknames (alot cus im down bad) + mentions of blowjob, love boner !
"i'm completely exhausted, jongie" you say, a small pout on your lips as you get up to go to your dresser to get ready for the day. "you went too harsh on me last night, baby" you shoot a playful glare at jay, who's still laying down, making him chuckle. "couldn't handle myself baby, you're just too perfect, angel" he says softly, stretching, but still not getting up.
"perfect, my ass" you mumble, but it was loud enough for jay to hear. "your ass is perfect, you're right" he says with a smug look, making you scoff. "that's not what i meant jong—" -- "i know, baby, i know," he smiles, a smile that's too pretty to be true — why is he so annoyingly pretty? what allowed him to be? you think as you turn around, hand on your hip. "you're such a bitch for still laying down and not getting your ass here and kissing me".
jay lets out a dramatic fake gasp, "my baby just called me a bitch— i feel blue" he says, acting super heartbroken and sad. "wow, and you're stilllll not getting up", jay laughs softly at this as he lazily gets up and walks towards you, pulling you into his arms as he kisses you, wrapping his arms around your body which earns a satisfactory grin from you. "i love you" he says softly, his eyes full of love -- "i love you more"
"no, i love you more"
"no, me"
"no, me!"
"i love you 1000 times more"
"i love you 10000 times more, jay"
"no, i love you 30000 more, baby"
"jay"
"princess, don't argue about this with me. i love you more"
"nuh huh"
"oh yeah?"
"yeah, i love you more"
"prove it then, baby, enlighten me"
you kiss him as you fell right into jay's trap, he picks you up, making you yelp out, carrying you to the bed again. "jay-" -- "just two more minutes, angel, too cold" he said, pulling the sheets on top of you both. -- "baby?" jay calls you quietly, to which you respond quietly back, murmuring a "yeah?" — "please don't be mad but.." -- "i can't ever be mad at you jongie, what's wrong?"
jay gulps, scanning your expressing, as he pulls you closer to him, snuggling his head against your neck as he warily whispers, "angel, i have a boner.." — he what? you thought you both didn't even do anything that would result in a boner in the slightest. "jay, you literally fucked me dumb yesterday" -- "i know princess, i knoww, i know you're tired but baby,, need you feel you so bad.. can't stop thinking about your pretty pussy and how it always squeezes my cock so desperately.." he whispers, his head basically buried in your neck out of embarrassment. "want me to blow you off, mhm?" you said, and his head perks up immediately — "would you mind, pretty?" -- you give him a small smile, pushing the blanket aside and sitting up,
let's just say you both skipped work that day.
819 notes · View notes
mirrology · 4 months
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I wanted to request Platonic Boothill and child reader!
After finding out about what happened to Boothill’s daughter wanted to request him finding child reading and taking them in as his own kid and caring for them, taking them to little events or fairs 😭
FEEL SO BAD FOR BOOTHILL ☹️ HE LOST HIS HOME, HIS DAUGHTER AND HIS BODY 😭 IM BALLING MY EYES OUT
— Wunderkind .ᐟ ʚɞ
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୨୧ Wunderkind: (noun) a wonder child or child prodigy
Ft. Boothill, gender-neutral reader, platonic. wc: 972
Content: child reader, reader is a sort of 'prize' for an unknown person, the first scene is inspired by mizisua meeting but its platonic, got a little lazy so the rest is headcanons, reader gets surprise adopted, boothill is the best dad ever, he spoils the reader, they both go to fairs and parks often. / a strange man took you in when you were at your lowest. You never knew that you would be at your highest when with him. slight angst but then fluff
Notes: thank you for the request!! i tried my best to incorporate everything that you mentioned. boothill's backstory is so sad and it truly made by tear up, also the IPC sucks.
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Fate hadn't been kind to you, you don't remember how you ended up being a so-called prize for a person you barely knew. You don't remember your parent's face nor remember if you even had any. They dressed you up in the fanciest clothes, ones laced with ruffles and the softest cloth, made sure your hair was always neat and tidy. Yet they never actually cared for you, they only wished to show you off as a trophy as they called you.
When out of all the eyes that watched you, they treated you roughly. Grabbing your head and pushing you down to the ground when you didn't meet their expectations, gripping every inch of your arms and leaving blooming bruises in their wake. All while showing you off to everyone in their premise.
You stared blankly at the street, watching people walk by and cars pass. You sat down in an alley way, leaning against the wall of a shop, just, waiting. You had escaped from that manor, from that wretched place. Although you had no hope that you would be free, sooner or later they would find you and bring you back all to restart that agonizing cycle. Just the thought made you squeamish, it made you disgusted.
Your eyes drooped as you looked at people living normal lives, you oh so desperately wished from someone to take you away from this world. As you were lost in your thoughts a pair of boots stopped in front of you, you snapped out of your daydreaming and slowly tilted your head up. Your eyes met with grey ones, you stared blankly at the man in front of you. He had white and black hair, the two colors clashing like yin and yang, it was pretty. He... looked concerned? The man crouched down on one knee to be at your level, you watched him as he did, not once did you take your eyes off of him.
"Hey, uh, ya' okay, kid?" he questioned, his tone was soft and barely above a whisper as if you would run away at the slightest noise. You blinked in surprise, you hadn't expected to be asked such a thing. Your eyes darted somewhere else that wasn't his face, did he want to help you? You considered saying that you didn't want help, but what would that mean for you?
You would be stuck living a life full of emptiness, unfulfilled by your wrongful choice. You looked back at him. He was still there, patiently awaiting your response. "I'm..." You momentarily stopped, your throat felt dry, you swallowed. "I'm lost and... alone, " you squeaked out. Although this wasn't the entire truth, yet it wasn't a complete lie either.
"Hm.." He hummed as his eyebrows furrowed, a conflicted expression on his face. He then perked up or rather tensed. He noticed a bruise, one which is black and dark purple at the moment, looks like a darker spot beneath your sleeve. He slowly reached out towards your arm, and he looked back at you. "May i?" He asked, his robotic fingertips gracing the edge of your long sleeve. Your eyes widened slightly, but you nodded. You suppose that this man really does want to help you.
He gently grasped your smaller hand in his, it was cold and stiff. Yet it didn't feel like theirs, this one was careful, considerate. The cool material felt nice against your sweaty palms.
The bruise spread from halfway up your arm down to almost your wrist, a deep purple-black bruise that stood out from the lighter colors of your clothes. It looks like it was recently made and very painful. The man looked stunned, as if this wasn't a normal occurrence. Well, you guess it wasn't for anyone else other than you. "Yer gonna need medical care, bud." He swiftly picked you up in his arms, holding you softly as if you would break in an instant.
You jumped slightly; you weren't used to being picked up nor touched in a way that wasn't aggressive for that matter. He led your arms to wrap around his neck, "Hold on, bud." He grinned at you, showing off his shark-like teeth. You stared in awe at your savior, being helped felt... nice. No one had ever been at your Beck and call, only ever "helped" when they wanted.
Tears sprung up into your eyes. You closed them tightly, not wanting to be seen in such a vulnerable state. "Thank you..." You whispered as you burried you head into the junction of his neck. He smiled and stroked the back of your head.
"Uhm.." You hummed out "What's your name mister?" Your head turned to look at him as your cheek was pressed against his shoulder blade. "Boothill, don't forget it." He chuckled and started walking to the nearest hospital.
You nodded, taking his words into account.
You wouldn't forget your savior.
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Boothill is the best dad confirmed, he gets you whatever you want, whether it be food, toys, clothes or accessories. He gets it for you.
He's always patting your head or ruffling your hair; you don't mind thought. It's actually very comforting.
CONSTANTLY tells dad jokes and it makes it funnier when he tries cursing but it gets covered up by his synthesia beacon.
The both of you go out often to parks to play. He definitely pushes you on the swings, and helping you go as high as you can. And when he sees your big smile as you reach the bar, he knows he did a good job.
He brought you penacony once (when he was actually let in) and you had the time of your life.
It was very bright but new and exciting.
You got to eat new things that you've never seen before, such as cotton candy
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ferrstappen · 1 year
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max the extra wag l Max Verstappen
a/n: this is so bad im sorry but it just came to my mind! I hope to post the second part of the Lando break up series tomorrow, hopefully after he gets on the podium!!!!
pairing: Max Verstappen x female reader
genre: fluff
FIND THE REST OF MAX THE WAG SERIES HERE
summary: you can't keep up with all the drama outside the track, but your boyfriend keeps you updated.
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It's not like you didn't check social media or that your algorithm didn't show you edits of your boyfriend driving, trauma dumping, looking cute and hot as always, but after a couple of weeks being exploited as an intern, you didn't really have the time to keep up with the usual gossip from Max's work.
Monaco GP, 2023
It was great to be home. The best of the Monaco Grand Prix was that you could sleep on your own bed, you and Max could walk back home hand in hand, stopping to buy things you may need: sweets to fill your purse to binge while sitting on the garage, the special herbal blend Max liked to have before going to bed, condoms because the last box was almost empty.
Adored and precious routine. almost.
You had to admit Monaco made you a little more nervous, not only because of the narrow streets, but a lot of important, well-known people were all over the place, and Max was the center of it all. Even after years of relationship, you still felt nervous when he looked at your with glowing eyes.
This is my girlfriend, (y/n). She has this great internship because she's the best of her class. I'm sure you've met before.
When all that was over, you chatted a bit with known photographers from the paddock, and right when you were speaking to one of them, you noticed the special white and red look of Charles Leclerc, walking hand in hand with a girl.
It didn't catch your attention immediately, but when you were back home, comfortably sitting on your bed reading an article for work while Max viewed the photographs of the day, the image sneaked in your thoughts.
"You didn't tell me about Charles and Charlotte!" you released the statement a bit harsher than expected, Max's eyebrows furrowing.
"Tell you what?" Max was confused and his face showed it, it was funny.
"Charles Leclerc? Charlotte Siné? Sounds familiar?" you said playfully rolling your eyes.
"I know who they are, schat, but I don't know the thing I was supposed to tell you about? They broke up months ago, they even announced it on instagram, although it was completely unnecessary if you ask me," The last sentence painted a smile on your face, recognizing the change of the tone of his voice, posture and facial expressions, he was ready to gossip.
"But I saw them walking together today! They were walking towards the Ferrari garage, they were holding hands and everything!"
Right in that moment, you observed how his expression changed before realizing a chuckle, his loud and gorgeous laugh that instantly made your insides flutter because it came from his stomach, his lungs; the purest laugh, your favorite.
"She is his new girlfriend, babe," Max told you and your jaw dropped. "Checo said the same thing to me and Daniel when they walked in together for the first time, Checo was sure it was Charlotte until Charles introduced us before the press conference," Now he was in full gossip mode: sitting straighter, phone left behind, blue eyes open wide.
"I'm speechless," you told him, repeating what you saw in the morning over and over again, but your feelings suddenly deviated from surprise to betrayal, playfully hitting Max's thigh. "Honey, why didn't you tell me that sooner?!"
Barcelona GP, 2023
Today you entered the paddock alone, coming straight from the hotel room after landing just an hour ago. You were sad to miss Friday, but your boss said it was vital for you to be in the office on Friday, insisting the meetings couldn't be held on Zoom.
You knew it was because he's a Mercedes fan and hoped Max would be distracted without having you there.
As if. your presence wasn't very vital during the weekend and you were well aware of it.
Admiring the amount of fans cheering for their favorite drivers, a sea of red Ferrari merchandising and flags, you walked by the Ferrari garage to greet Carlos, letting him know you (and Max) were cheering for him to get P2.
P1 belonged to your boyfriend, always.
Quickly scanning the drivers lounge you noticed the Sainz family, very close to each other, Carlos Sainz Sr. listening to everything the engineers were saying about his son's strategy and car.
But something was missing, and it was easy to notice because every friend and family of Carlos was there.
With that idea roaming, you reached your destination, grabbing a sugar free Red Bull before finding your boyfriend with his suit hanging from his hips, tightly hugging him from his waist while carefully extending your neck to meet his lips.
Max was required to stay longer on the track, Christian letting him know they added a meeting to discuss strategy because of the changing wether.
This left you with almost an hour to kill; your head resting on his thighs as he carefully juggling.
"Max, have you heard anything from the party last week? after the gp?" this got Max's attention, already knowing you had a piece of information.
"I know Lando almost hooked up with a girl from Latin America, from Chile I think? but nothing happened because his brother was staying on his flat. Charles and... ex girlfriend 2.0? made it official. Checo didn't go anywhere because last year still haunts him..." Max was mentally remembering every piece of information he'd heard during the week. "Oh, and I think Carlos was with a girl that wasn't his girlfriend? Christian said they didn't do anything, but Max Fewtrell said they left together,"
"Interesting because you know who's not in the Ferrari garage? at his home race? Isa," You told Max, which caused him to drop the colorful balls he was juggling.
"No! So it's true? he cheated?" He whisper shouted.
"Maybe they've been broken up for some time, now that I think about it I haven't seen her since testing?"
Neither Max nor you heard when someone walked in, calling for Max. Because now Max's head was resting on your legs as your fingers caressed his hair, his hands moving around as he came up with a possible theory, tying loose ends and trying to remember anything he'd heard.
The subject was forgotten once you arrived to the hotel room; lights off, eyes almost closing, but Max gasped when he remembered something Alonso mentioned during a press conference, apparently after hearing Lance talking with Esteban.
"Lance said Esteban and his girlfriend are over, do you think it's true?" Max asked you, and this brought up another thing.
"Did you hear anything about Lance cheating or whatever at his sister's wedding?" now you asked him, bodies coming closer to each other.
Now sleep was long forgotten and the only important thing was the gossipy whispers, the loud giggle leaving Max's lips when something sounded too ridiculous, and the security of knowing you'd never be the subject of those rumors.
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healmyhrt · 7 months
Text
⌗ motion picture soundtrack, m. sturniolo
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matt x fem!reader
summary: matt attempts to help while you’re going through a depressive episode.
disclaimers!: depression, self-harm, drug use (marijuana), established relationship, use of y/n
a/n: this was requested:)
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i laid across the comforter, limbs spread out, with the lights all off. sitting in the dark made me feel safe for some reason. i liked the dark. i found comfort in darkness.
but sometimes the darkness can become the root to my problems.
i was diagnosed with depression when i was only 14 years old. since then, it’s gotten worse, but every now and then it gets better. and it got better when i met matt.
but now im getting bad again.
and i always get bad again.
i was high out of my mind, and getting lost in my thoughts the more the weed kicked in. i always used marijuana to cope with my problems, i know i shouldn’t, but i do.
even trying to stand up was a mistake. my body wouldn’t allow it. as soon as i raised my feet, my body sunk back into the mattress. i would have preferred to drown in the mattress, dying from suffocation.
red wine and sleeping pills
help me get back to your arms
light peers into the room as the door creaks open.
but i don’t move an inch. the weed made my body feel as light as a feather, and like it told me not to move at all or else i would ruin it.
“y/n?” matt makes it clear that it’s him. he walks over to the bed, and hands me a water bottle. “you need to drink something.” i push his hand away, and realizing how much energy it took out of me.
i ignore him, and he gets up, walking over to the lamp. “you can’t be like this forever.” he turns it on. the world that was black and empty is now filled with light.
but im still lost in my thoughts.
cheap sex and sad films
help me get where I belong
“i started a bath for you. come on.” he gently picks me up, and i feel nothing in my bones, my muscles, nothing at all.
once we reach the bathroom, matt sits me on the toilet seat, and starts undressing me. “arms.” he forms a small smile.
i try to lift my arms, but not even they could be moved. matt pulls my huge t-shirt over my head, carefully, and off of my arms.
he places his hands on the waistband of my underwear. “can i?” he raises an eyebrow. i nod as much as i can.
he slides them down my legs, and im seated on the toilet seat butt ass naked. matt picks me up effortlessly again, and gently places me in the bath water.
once im situated, he kneels next to the tub, and grabs a loofa. matt starts on my shoulders, and works his way down my arms. he turns my forearm toward him, and stops.
all he saw were scars.
I think you’re crazy, maybe
I think you’re crazy, maybe
matt sets the loofa down in the water, gently grabbing my arm. his warm fingers against my skin felt like spiders crawling all over me. he takes a closer look at them, some of them healed, some fresh.
“stop.” i mumble, using all of my energy to pull my arm away. looking up at matt, his eyes watering. “y/n, what is that?”
it felt like i was talking to my mother all over again. how she reacted when she found out i harmed myself. it was terrible, i never wanted to see her cry like that again. let alone matt.
“im sorry.”
matt holds his face in his hands. my eyes start to water, and i look at him. “matt, please don’t send me away.”
he immediately looks up, with a confused expression. “send you away?” i look at the water. “i don’t wanna go there again.”
matt’s face softens, and he leans closer to the tub. “y/n, who sent you away?” even talking about this makes me think of it. and i start crying uncontrollably. my thoughts are a parasite in my brain.
stop sending letters
letters always get burned
matt softly hugs me, and his arms around me help me remember feeling. feeling like i should have been.
its not like the movies
they fed us on little white lies
matt helps me back into bed, and i feel safer, now in warmers clothes. i lay my head onto the pillow, and stare at the ceiling, laughing. i could not stop laughing.
and then it stopped.
now all of the world was gray. and grayer. and even grayer. then it was black. pitch black.
matt lays down beside me, and i turn toward him. seeing his face made me feel some sort of comfort.
like i had been living in grayscale and matt was the first thing id ever seen in color.
i think you’re crazy, maybe
i think you’re crazy, maybe
matt leans in closer to me. “y/n, can i ask you a serious question?” i nod my head slowly. but my head pounded with every movement i made.
“are you okay, seriously?”
i wanted to sink into the pillow, letting matt never have to see my face again. and me not having to answer that question ever again.
i stared at him in silence.
my eyes started to water again, and i bit my bottom lip, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to leave my eyes. and matt just hugged me.
i will see you in the next life.
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whitemancumslut · 1 year
Text
THE START OF HS4…
tw: mentions of vomiting, language, me being delusional
yourinstagram
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liked by annetwist, gemmastyles, and 7.600.099 others
yourinstagram my precious baby boy,
i promise to love you forever.
harrystyles So in love.❤️
↳ yourinstagram I love you
gemmastyles So beautiful🤍
↳ yourinstagram ❤️❤️
annetwist Gorgeous!!
↳ yourinstagram Thank you❤️❤️
florencepugh Gorgeous Mama!!
ynfan so fucking cute:(
harryfan i’m emotional right now. no one speak to me
~seven months later~
harrystyles
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harrystyles The Beginning. April 24th.
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yourinstagram My darling man❤️
annetwist ❤️❤️❤️
lizzobeeating OMG!❤️
harryfan1 OMFGGGGG WHAT .
harryfan2 THE COVER IM CRYING SO HARD
harryfan3 NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY
harryfan4 A dadrry album. i’m so unwell i cant.
↳ harryfan5 YES. THE TEARS IN MY EYES. AN ALBUM ON HARRY’S LIFE AS A PARENT/HUSBAND IM GOING TO THROW UP
harrystyles
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harrystyles ‘August’ out March 8th.
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yourinstagram i love you
harryfan HE NAMED THE SONG AUGUST?? IM IN A PUDDLE OF TEARS STOP IT RN
harryfan2 HYPERVENTILATING
gemmestyles ❤️
harryfan3 NO NO STOPPP. A SONG ABOUT AUGUST NAMED AUGUST IM NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THIS
harryfan4 AWW OMFG
gemmastyles
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gemmastyles ‘August’ is out now❤️
harrystyles ❤️
yourinstagram Auntie Gemmy❤️
annetwist ❤️
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harrysupdates
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harrysupdates Photos featured in the ‘August’ music video!
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harryfan1 they’re the perfect family :(
harryfan2 dadrry is real. i still can’t wrap my head around this
ynfan1 many tears would shed
↳ harryfan3 a tear dropped before the video started.
harryfan4 he’s gotten so big😭😭😭
↳ ynfan2 WE LITERALLY WATCHED HIM GROW😕😕
harrystyles
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harrystyles My new album The Beginning is Out now!
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yourinstagram I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU
harryfan1 FUCK YEAH
harryfan2 OHMYGOSHHHH
ynfan1 OH MY GODDJJDHEJW
harryfan3 IM SCREAMING IM ALREADY CRYING
harryfan4 IM SO UNWEELLLL
ynfan2 im emotional
yourinstagram
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yourinstagram THE BEGINNING IS OUT NOW. @harrystyles i love you i love you i love you. not enough words in the world to express how much i love u and how thankful i am for u.🤍
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harrystyles Youre my muse x
↳ harryfan1 I CANT RN
↳ ynfan1 i aspire to be like y’all
harryfan2 im so unwell rn .
harryfan3 i’m crying
ynfan2 MY PARENTS
harryfan
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harryfan me after listening to The Beginning:
HARRY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I KNEW I WAS GOING TO CRY BUT NOT ACTUALLY SOAKING MY PILLOW???
BEAUTIFUL BOY???? IM SOBBING WHATTT. QUEEN OF MY HEART.. HE LOVES Y/N SO BAD I CANT BREATHE.
WONDERLAND??? I CANT DO THIS.
DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON TRYING. HES LITERALLY PROMISING AND SWEARING ON HIS LIFE THAT HE’LL BE THE BEST FATHER HE CAN BE IM ON MY KNEES I CANT!!!
CLOSURE??? ACTUALLY WHAT THE HELL
NEW YEAR’S DAY??? IM CRYING SO SO HARD NEW YEAR’s DAY IS DEF MY FAV
THE END?? THE END HAD ME HYPERVENTILATING AND WHEEZING. THE RECORDS OF Y/N’S VOICE AND LAUGHTER. THE RECORDING OF HER REPEATING THE WORDS “IM PREGNANT, WE’RE HAVING A BABY.” AND THE CRY’s AND NOISES OF THE BABY??? IM SO SAD THIS IS NOT OKAY
@HARRYSTYLES IM NOT OKAY.
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harryfan3 NO BECAUSE I SWEAR WONDERLAND IS ABOUT HOW HE’S HOPING HE CAN GIVE AUGUST A LIFE WHERE HE LIVES IN WONDERLAND AND DOESNT GET BLOCKED IN FAME LIKE HIS FATHER
↳ harryfan4 NO NO NO DONT
harryfan5 Beautiful boy killed me. Had to take a large break before listening to the rest of the album.
harryfan6 TRYING. #1. IM IN TEARS THINKING ABOUT HIM IN TEARS ON THE FACT HE THOUGHT HE’LL BE A TERRIBLE FATHER.
harryfan7 i cried my whole way through
harrysupdates
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harrysupdates “Stargazing is based off a night spent with my wife, Y/n.” Styles takes a deep breath before smiling widely as he says, “I specifically remember the weather of that night. Very warm and slight windy. It was just around when we found out she was pregnant with our son. We were in the backyard just staring at the sky, catching every other star. Stargazing,” The man chuckles as he remembers the moment with his beloved wife, Y/n L/n-Styles. “I remember we just laid there for hours talking about how we ended up where we did.” Harry in the trailer of his Zane Lowe interview.
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harryfan HES SO IN LOVE
harryfan2 Shes so lucky😭😭😭
harryfan3 imagine doing this with Harry :((
yourinstagram stories
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luv4fushi · 1 year
Text
jujutsu kaisen bf headcanons
jjk - gojo satoru, nanami kento, fushiguro megumi, itadori yuji, inumaki toge
content: just some of my delusions <3 fem!reader
warnings: word dump, other than that nothing else hehe
i started this account to write oneshots but they’re all like. 7k words…. and MORE. so now im posting this because i’ve been writing two different stories for 3 days now.
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gojo satoru
he’s such a menace. he looovessss being all gross in public to annoy people.
he doesn’t tell you when he’s upset and overcompensates to hide it (but you can always tell)
he likes when you play with his hair and when you tell him good things about himself. being the strongest means he’s used to having a lot of responsibility (everyone relies on him). he likes it when you tell him he’s doing a good job and that he can rely on you, too.
he doesn’t get jealous easily (he pretends he does, but it never actually bothers him) because he knows he’s the best and he’s confident in your love. he’ll pretend to be all pouty and sad but at the scene of the crime he finds it SO FUNNY. “babe… you did NOT have to reject him like that.”
he’s rich (duh) so he randomly comes home with the most EXTRAVAGANT GIFTS. you’ll be like “wtf???” and he’d just stand there with the hugest grin on his face and be like “i thought of you!!”
he pulls the “don’t you love me?” card WAY TOO OFTEN. it works every time.
he hates when you cry. he thinks he’s bad at comforting people so he’ll be all nervous and afraid that you’ll hate him, but he’s actually good at it. he pulls you into his arms and lets you nuzzle into his neck. “i’m right here. i’ve got you, baby.” AHHHH
nanami kento
he’s so daddy material. not even in a sexual way. he’s just very responsible and reliable. he’s the kind of bf where you don’t have worry about planning trips and events because he handles it. he’s the bf you’d trust with your passport.
he loves to get massages from you and home cooked meals.
he likes upbeat, bubbly people because he’s relatively calm. he likes to watch you do cute things with a fond smile on his face. when you force him to participate in things, he’ll only grin and let you have your way with him.
he overthinks EVERYTHING. he knows he’s a workaholic so he’ll say things like, “i’m so sorry i’m late. i didn’t want to be caught up at work, but things just happened to be that way today.” and if you pretend to be upset he’ll be at your feet. “i’m sorry, love. i swear i love coming home to see you and spend time with you. don’t be upset, hm?”
HE’S SO … he makes you feel protected. he’s very stern with others, but around you he’s a lot more soft and flexible. “you don’t need to force yourself. i can do it for you, baby.” HEHEH he’s so lovely i love him
he’s very attentive. he never makes you feel like he’s not listening to you. he will quite literally drop whatever he’s doing to listen to you.
fushiguro megumi
he’s so SHY!!! he blushes really easily too. you have to initiate most of the touching and talking at the beginning of your relationship with him.
he actually doesn’t mind pda. he feels kind of prideful that he’s able to call you his. he LOVES holding your hand and he does that little thing where he’ll squeeze it when he knows you’re nervous.
everybody makes fun of him for being super soft with you. at first, he’s not really good with expressing his emotions, but give it three months and he’s the cheesiest bf ever. he loves using pet names in private with you.
he’s on the quieter side so he’s able to observe you REALLY well. got a new haircut? “did you cut your hair? it looks nice.” wearing some new jewelry? “it’s pretty. you should’ve told me, i would’ve bought you some more.” always cold? “i wore another sweater because i knew you’d be cold.” got your nails done? “why didn’t you choose the color i picked?” he’s SO thoughtful.
he’s such a cuddler. loves being held. loves holding you. literally would rather spend all day in bed with you than do anything else. he’s so AGH !! “why don’t you just sleep here tonight? i don’t want you to go.”
itadori yuji
he is SHAMELESS omg. he loves to talk about you and brag about you to anyone that will listen. “my girlfriend can do that, too!” + “my girlfriend says that i can’t do that, sorry.” + “my girlfriend doesn’t like things like that…” + “my girlfriend thinks these are cute!” + “my girlfriend is so pretty.”
he adores you so much he’s so cute about it. he literally dies when he’s without you. he’s SUPER clingy and doesn’t even try to hide it. everyone else thinks it’s soooo annoying but he doesn’t care.
he loves receiving forehead kisses, but because he’s literally like … curse offspring (LOL) he’s taller than you so he has to bend down while you tiptoe to kiss him. he also loves to pinch your cheeks at random times.
he’s a lot more buff than you think he is (cue the scene where he’s sprinting while carrying nobara) so hugging him is literally like hugging a huge bear.
he gives you a kiss EVERY TIME HE SEES YOU. he gets so sad when you refuse one. “what do you mean ‘not right now’? i don’t see the problem. i literally your boyfriend :(“
inumaki toge
he’s also a menace but not as much as gojo. he’s SO PLAYFUL and you always pretend to be annoyed but he knows you aren’t.
he’ll pull up and randomly give you food. that’s his love language. he loves feeding you. he’ll literally pull you on to the seat next to him and give you food if you say you haven’t eaten.
he LOVES giving you his sweaters. once he hands them to you, prepare to never give them back because he smells really good. you always smell like him to everyone else (that’s his goal)
he makes those super corny playlists that spell out a sentence. but he also makes playlists with music he knows you like to listen to. he’ll name them really funny things like “me and bae’s locked-in playlist”
he’s so witty. he makes you laugh so hard and then he pretends like your laughter doesn’t make him swell with pride. he LOVES to pepper you with kisses to hear you giggle.
he’s super cheesy and hilarious over text. he uses every pet name imaginable. “baby can you come wake me up in an hour?” + “angel i need u to give me back one sweater. just one.” + “princess ur being unreasonable … AN OVERNIGHT TRIP? i’m gonna jump.”
that’s all hehehe i love jjk boys sm
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munivrse · 11 months
Note
Hiiii. I love your works so so much!!
could you possibly do something for bada x idol reader who’s like- the totally opposite of her? Like super feminine and kind of short, very dramatic and expressive (aka has no chill lol)
Maybe how each of them handle jealousy differently- where reader gets all clingy and pouty and would straight up barge in and wrap her arms around bada from behind or sit on Bada’s lap. And everyone that sees is like “aw they’re such good friends” “industry besties” but they’re literally girlfriends lol
bada x idol reader with no chill 😭😭
bada choreographs for you alot as a solo artist
and you guys get along really well
... and she accompanies you to your events
she'll be in the dressing room watching you perform on music shows
shes behind the cameras when you're invited to variety shows
she shows up to red carpets with you, always making sure to match with you
her hand sits on your lower back as she guides you through the carpet
and when its time for you guys to walk down the steps, she walks first and holds her hand out at the bottom for you to grab for support
she accompanies you to your flights abroad
there are pictures on dispatch of you two linking pinkies that everyone thinks is so cute bc they just think
"i want a friendship like theirs 😭😭"
LIKE GIRL
anyway
you're referred to as the black cat and golden retriever friends
you're alot shorter than bada (which isn't hard given the fact she's nearly 5'10)
you're very feminine presenting
and very... very energetic
which tires bada out
but she loves you for that
your company lets you interact freely with other idols/celebrities so fans and media have gotten used to you being spotted with alot of different people so
naturally catching bada lee following you everywhere was the norm for them
theres a video of bada dancing to takeout (im gonna reference this fucking video every chance i get)
and when she gets down to the floor you jump in front of the camera shielding the viewers from her 😭😭
your arms are spread out and you're literally going
"DONT LOOK- DONT LOOK AT HER PLEASE-"
theres panic on your face
and everyone is just laughing but you're being so fr 😭😭😭😭😭
once bada is done she gets up and kisses you on the cheek which everyone excuses for the reasoning of friendship!
when bada was invited to compete on swf 2 you were really excited for her!!!!
and then she decided to grind in front of other women which made you... less excited!!!
you're always on set with them and when the behind the scenes clips start rolling out
after the battle with redy where bada just towers over her...the cameras cut and immediately you're storming up to her
and everyone just thinks its so cute like you're looking up and complaining to her and she's looking down at you, not giving a fuck about what you're saying... she's just glad to be there 😭
you're pouting afterwards so bada just grabs your hand and leads you to where her team is, sits down, and pulls you on top of her.
and then all is well with the world!
one time she taught a class with j.rick
and it required them to simply make eye contact
girl you would've thought the world was ending
bada finishes her dance with j.rick and you're just in the corner sulking
YOU JUST LOOK SO SAD
and people are starting to notice and the last thing bada needs is for your idol image to be ruined
so she just goes to the corner and stands directly in front of you, shielding you from the others
so your arms wrap around her and you lean your head on her back
and then her hands grip yours and she sways side to side
so cute
omg and she does the thing where her thumb caresses your hand
got lost in the sauce there for a second my bad
but when bada gets jealous uh its like alot less cute
more hot 😍
you're an mc for an end of year awards show and you have a duet stage for your partner
bada choreographs it for you
but its kind of sensual and it requires your partner to have their hands on you alot
(think the first half of this)
and bada kicks herself for being too good at this damn job
but she's so harsh on your partner 😭
she's monitoring you both in the mirror
"turn your foot more there."
"you're stiff during this part."
"people praise your dance skills but you're making me second guess their judgement."
LIKE DAMN
and when you get a break you pull bada off to the side
"???"
she doesnt even look at you
"what."
"you are harrassing that man. leave him alone."
she turns to you and bends down to reach your height
her eyes narrow
"why are you defending him"
"🤨 girl what"
"he can't do a simple step sequence. he shouldn't even be up there with you. and he's scared to grab you which is unprofessional."
you scoff,
"maybe he's scared to grab me because everytime he does, you clench your fist 😭😭"
and bada pulls away embarrassed
"oh."
she ponders for a moment
"yeah i guess that could be it."
anyway some extras
she buys you matching couple jewelry
she dresses you in her clothes when you go to the airport
she offers you her jacket when you sit in a dress/skirt
dispatch tried to expose you two once because bada was dropping you off at your company and kissed your cheeks and forehead before you left
like the headline was literally "solo artist y/n and her choreographer spotted kissing?"
and the description reads,
"bada lee drops y/n off at her company and is seen kissing y/n multiple times. an anonymous source claims theyve been dating for over a year, just months after y/n debuted [insert photos]
and all the comments on the article are like
"omg yall are always trying to stir the pot. THEYRE FRIENDS!"
"dispatch is always at the crime scene. mind your business!!!"
"they've literally been this close since before she debuted, its not that serious."
BUT THEN ON TWT PEOPLE ARE LIKE
"y/n and bada confirmed everyone cheer!!"
meanwhile you and bada are cuddled up in bed, giggling at your companys response of
"our artists private life is not the concern of the company."
long live idol reader + bada lee
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opal-owl-flight · 4 months
Note
Quick lore question, did marie considering the idea of replacing 4 play into the insecurities she has later?
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Absolutely.
I wanna preface this by saying one thing: Young 4 was a COMPLETELY different person before she got recruited by Marie. And Marie...responds to her accordingly.
Long read abt Hero2 events below!! Its. A lil messy sorry qisjke these are my notes
Young 4? A bitch.
Everything she ever wanted was given to her. Moved out of the highlands with an ego the size of a planet (and also bc she felt suffocated there), thinking she can make it in the big city.
...she struggled to make it alone. She had moved out bc her family was suffocating her with love, but now theyre not here, so now she feels homesick and underappreciated.
All that is expressed by her harsh, bitchy attitude. Shes gonna be mean bc no one has seen her for who she is. She'll show them!!
She finds her way around like this, and discovers that shes just as good at turf war here and at home. In fact, shes *so* good that she got the status of a rising star!
It aaalll just gets into her head. Shes "proven everyone wrong" now. Shes got the superiority complex and can back it up.
Marie...
...saw this. She was looking for a new agent to help find the missing zapfish. The second 4 heard this from her, she flexed her arms and...
"Look no further, your hero is RIGHT HERE!"
Marie at first adored the spunkiness of this new agent. Uuuntil 4 started thinking that shes better than her.
"Watch out, Agent Four!"
"You watch YOURSELF, grandma! Think Im a damn idiot to not see that coming? WAHA!"
Marie rolled up her sleeves after several stages full of her ignoring orders or sassing her out of nowhere.
Is that how shes gonna be? Fine.
When 4 finally trips and falls, hard, on a particularly difficult level, Marie pulls her to the side to fix her up and give her a lecture that tore her fucking ego to shreds.
She says something so fucking harsh like "That attitude will make SURE that you die sad and alone. I wonder how anyone puts up with you."
4s too hurt by her own failure to say anything back.
The reality of war finally gives her a reality check. Each victory is earned. its her life on the line. And the world.
She regains her spunk after saving the world.
------
Silly 4. She gets the job done but it takes a LOT of pushing in the mid-stages. Its like she got legitimately bored after the initial super easy ones, and thought the entire campaign a joke.
She went back to her turfing life topside between stages. And she takes a WHILE to come back to her missions -- usually late!! And then before she even goes in she just HAS to yak Marie's face off with what she was doing up there.
"Youre late."
"You shouldve SEEN ME, Marie!! I was carrying that Rainmaker round! I was-"
"Pray tell, Agent Four. How will you keep participating in turf with the Zapfish gone?"
"Whaat? Cmon. Nothing seems to be changing! Theres still power through the city!"
"The backup supply wont last forever, you know."
"Yeah yeah. Okay. Im here now. Wheres the next kettle?"
This attitude is from her high school days, clearly. She breezes by everything so fast that she can afford to do things last minute. It affects even this.
That, alongside her talking smack back to Marie, is what makes her snap at 4. Its what makes 4 stick to the mission fully starting late area 4 and area 5. (This is also around the time 4s life was threatened. God help me in those stupid platforming stages)
Post Hero2, 4 more or less does what 3 does. Shes the "replacement" til 3 comes back. (That cant be good for her confidence.)
At the same time, she has to deal with Callie and Marie talking out what the fuck Callie did with Octaria. "THEY SQUIDNAPPED GRAMPS!!!" and all. Why help them??? They get into squabbles where 4 was the unfortunate witness to. And peacemaker. It does NOT help that Callie for a while kept putting the glasses back on!!!
4 wishes so bad she had help of any sort. She feels 3 might be able to do something but what does she know?? Shes never met em!! She just imagines what the missing agent would do in that situation.
Callie...was also the person she got close to. Shes fun (unlike the stuck up Marie), shes empathic, she opened 4s eyes to the Octarian plight. It made her acceptance of 8 later much smoother.
Im not saying shes not close to Marie either, I bet they healed their relationship around this year too. Marie's sorry she tore 4s ego the way she did (even if deserved...). Marie's much more supportive of what 4s doing topside. Shes expressing her pride in the agent she found much more openly. (She brags abt her to Callie at times.)
The three of them heal together in that time. 4 sees them as older sisters Im p sure. Theyre both giving her tips for turfing and -- Marie even helps her with homework, HAH
And...while I say that 4 and Marie are in better terms, there are still days where Marie blows up on her. Lesser extent than before, but shes *worried* for her agent! (Its a similar plight 3 has.) In those times, its Callie who has her back. ("Hey! Its not like shes not trying!!" Callie understands how it is, and she also knows Marie best -- shes the one who makes 4 understand where Marie is coming from.)
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