#im begging and begging for his attention and affection the same way i did with my abusive exes and my mom

[lampiridaes]

HELLO!!! iys me again heheh, id like to request ermm.. tsukasa and minori, with a s/o that RARELY shows affection by physical touch, BUT gets really clingy when theyre half awake or when theyre sick,,, though when they fully regained their consciousness/health,, they get embarrassed about it? thank yew :3!!

♬ now playing: "suddenly clingy"

-> when you've got a partner as aloof and reserved as you, can you really blame them for being so surprised?

★ — chars ; tsukasa , minori

★ — notes ; MWEHEHE HELLO AGAIN LYN (i hope thats ur name and im not misreading anything somehow huhu)!!! another tsukasa and minori req... rlly love writing them so im always grateful :3 DID U KNOW I DREW MINORI FOR MY CLASS PIN THING!?!?! my teacher was nice enough to print it out for everyone hehe... still have yet to receive it bc of break but just a fun little thing that happened!! hope u enjoy <3

★ — warnings ; implied fem!reader for minori (implies that reader also attends miyamasuzaka) , otherwise none!

★ — taglist ; @akitosheart , @mintchocaur (tsukasa!!)

affiliated with @virtualbookstore ★

★ track #1: tenma tsukasa

to put it simply, tsukasa was really surprised! just the night before, you were so calm and reserved, maybe holding his hand a few times. even kissing his cheek once or twice.

... but right now? after you just woke up? you're all over him. literally. he doesn't mind, please don't get him wrong! tsukasa finds it endearing, if anything. it's just...

"tsukasa... love you..."

feeling your entire body cling onto his with such desperation... he wants to question it, but at the same time, it might risk embarrassing you and making you back away again, which isn't what he wants at all!

though the embarrassment was basically inevitable, as 20 minutes or so later, you're back to your usual self, just a little more shy this time.

"oh, goodness... tsukasa, i'm sorry, i didn't-"

"not to worry, [name]! i don't mind it one bit!"

he knows that you don't show a lot of affection normally for a reason. maybe you're too shy, maybe you're uncomfortable with it. as much as he loves it when you do, tsukasa doesn't force you to do anything! sure, he'll ask once or twice every once in a while, but he's very understanding if the answer is no.

... though, if you do it when you're fully awake for the first time... expect him to suddenly get all quiet and freeze up. it's a good thing, no worries.

★ track #2: hanasato minori

minori's way of showing her love for you is mostly words of affirmation or gift giving, so she doesn't mind that you aren't too keen on physical affection!

that doesn't mean anything bad, of course! it's not like she doesn't want to hug you, hold you, or kiss you, it's just that... she's a little shy about it. which means your lack of physical affection works out just fine.

so you can imagine how perplexed she was when you started begging for her attention, holding her hand and asking her to stay with you when you got sick.

"minori, stay a little longer... i'll feel so much better if you're here..."

minori may be an idol now, but hearing compliments from someone she truly holds near and dear to her heart... might give her a heart attack.

... but she also really adores it. after all, it makes her feel loved and special, more so since it's coming from you, of all people.

with all the training and practices she needs to attend to nowadays, minori makes sure to leave cute, handwritten notes or sweet text messages to check up on you! if you're allowed to use your phone when you're sick, that is.

when you finally recover and go back to school, it's absolutely over for the both of you. minori gets flustered easily on her own, but now that you've also lost your cool, getting all red alongside her? it's quite a cute scene from an outsider's perspective.

... the outsiders being the rest of more more jump, of course. as silly and clumsy the two of you can be, you're really the perfect pair for each other.

[bangtaninborderland]

Risk It All (24) - TORN

Genre: Chishiya X fem reader | violence | smut

Warning: this chapter contains smit - fingering, nipple play and some Dom/Sub themes.

A/N: this is the last “happy” chapter it picks up from here leading to the final game, im so excited to have it reverse a little and have Chishiya being the one in a compromised position. It’s time for YN to shine. There’s not much plot to this chapter, but it is essential for moving the story along.

Ch. 23| Masterlist | ch.25

Chishiya had let you stay pressed against his body, only moving you both to the bed at some point, for the duration of your sleep. The sky was still dark when you woke up, head resting against Chishiya's stomach as he sat up reading a book.

“How do you read in the dark?”

He tutted, closing the book. “With my eyes.”

“Will you play with my hair?” You grumbled, still too wrapped up in the embers of sleep to fully understand your own request. You pouted at the long wait, snuggling into him further as his fingers came to brush your hair out of your face.

His movements were awkward, unfamiliar to him as his hand was stiff but still you revelled in it. Enjoying the touch, the affection you’d craved for so long. “You ask too much of me.”

That caught your attention, you snapped your head up, sliding to move away from him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“Stop.” His words were firm, with a hint of dominance to them, you looked at him unmoving. “I didn’t say move, I said you ask too much of me.”

“Oh.” You chewed your lip, confused at what to do next. You figured it would be best not to push it so you settled for laying next to him rather than on him.

“What are you doing?” He asked, voice strained.

“I- will-“ you gestured to your position on the bed, clearly you were lying down. “What do you think.”

“I didn’t tell you to move.” He says again and you slowly catch on, heat rushing to your cheeks as you shift to lay back on him, the same way you were minutes before. “You don’t listen well.”

“I never had to listen to others. Besides you aren’t exactly the most eager to explain.” You snort. “Not all of us operate on a 5 word basis.”

“Wow, you don’t listen and you talk too much.” You can practically hear his eyes rolling.

“Did you just wow me?” You laughed, unable to not think about the irony of someone like Chishiya saying wow. “Say it again.”

“You’re so annoying.” He sighs, pulling you to sit up. “Stop talking.”

“Say wow again and I will. You’re so sassy.” You joked, you saw him clench his jaw at that and for some reason, you could stop pushing. “Come on sassy pants.”

“Do you want me to lock you outside?” He deadpans, his lips in a tight line. “You’re impossible.”

“For someone so scary you sure as hell are afraid of a simpl-“ your words were cut off as he lunged forwards, lips colliding with yours. You fall backwards, the bed softening your fall. His hands instantly find your wrists, pinning them to your sides as he continues to kiss you. You try and fight back against him, not because you want him to stop but because you want control, You try to push your tongue against his, wanting to be the one to lead the kiss but your attempts are futile as he pulls back a little and bites your lip. “Whatever you’re doing, stop it. Stop talking, stop thinking.” He rasped out, and the tone of his voice made your legs go weak, You took a breath nodding.

He finally kisses you again after what feels like an eternity. This time you go plaint under his touch, happily accepting the kisses he divulges to you. Your lungs are begging for oxygen, your throat burning but you don’t push him away, much to your embarrassment you whine a little as he pulls away.

You can’t stop the smile that tugs at your lips as he chuckles, shushing you. “Don’t be a baby.”

“You-“ your head is hazy, a feeling you’d never felt before. You probably wouldn’t voice it aloud but you enjoying Chishiya being that way, being a little controlling. “More.”

He shakes his head, sitting back on the back. “If we do more it will lead to something else.”

“Okay.” You say before really processing what he means.

He raises his eyebrows, tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek. “Stop talking before you think about things. There’s no rush.”

“But I want to.” You protest. Pushing yourself up so you’re sitting cross-legged opposite him. “Do you?”

“Not if you fight for control again.” He shrugs, something about the way he looks unbothered encourages the thrum of excitement underneath your skin.

“I won’t.” You promise, holding out your pinkie. “I swear it.”

“You and your promises. One day they are going to land you in trouble.” He tuts, you lay back, still able to see him even though he’s a little further back.

“Are you going to kiss me or are you just going to sit there?” You teased, reaching a hand out to him. “I’m getting bored.”

“Patience.” He leans down, his frame towering over you. “You’re always too doing things too fast, rushing.” Despite how harsh the words could sound they simply don’t, the smirk on his face only confirms he’s playing with you.

You can feel his breath against your lips as he lowers himself to you, within reach but still far enough that you have to lift your head to kiss him. The second your lips graze his , he pulls back a little further. “Chish-“

“I told you to stop rushing.” He chides, tongue darting out to lick his lips. “What happened to your promise hm?”

“I-I am, I do promise I just want you to kiss me.” You can’t help but pout, he was being mean.

He let out a breathy laugh at that. “Close your eyes.”

You follow through instantly. You feel him move his hand over your hip, trailing the outside of your shirt before resting against your jaw. The touch disappears but you don’t panic as his lips come into contact with yours, this time you let him take the lead, kissing him back softly.

It goes on like that for a minute or so before he presses his body against you. Pulling away from your lips to trail kisses down your jaw to your shoulder. “How do you feel?” He asks, breathless.

You feel dazed as you look at him, you can just about muster a nod. “More?”

“More what?” He asks, his hand gently caressing your face. “Tell me.”

“Want more of you, with you.” You explain, your tongue feeling too heavy to move. “Now.”

He shuffles on the bed and ends up sitting with his back against the headboard. “Come here.”

You crawl over to him, sitting beside him for a second before he pulls you into his lap, leaving you straddling him. “There, much better.” He hymns to himself.

He kisses you again, this time with more force, his hand gripping the back of your neck, his fingers slightly entangled in your hair. “Desperate.”

You didn’t even realise you’d begun to grind down on his thigh, you looked down in embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“Is it making you feel good?” He whispers the question as he ticks a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

You look up at him through your lashes before nodding.

“Then don’t stop.” He shrugs, tensing his thigh underneath you.

You gasped at the light friction and found yourself being pulled back against him. This time his mouth latching onto your neck, you moaned at the suckling on the sensitive skin and you ground down, this time with a purpose. “S’ good.”

You knew he would be leaving a trail of marks along your neck but you didn’t mind, not as you felt your pussy slick up against his thigh. Before you could get too caught up Chishiya flipped you both over. “Tell me what you want.”

“Fingers..” you whined. “Want your fingers.”

“Still demanding.” He scolded, eyebrow cocked. “Is that how you ask?”

“Please?” You pouted at him, just wanting him all over you. “I want to feel you.”

“That’s good.” He smirks before pulling your shorts down, you lift yourself up from the bed just enough to allow him to slip the item off.

He brought his fingers to your mouth and without any prompting you parted your lips, letting the digits slip inside. You coat them in saliva, working your tongue around them. Chishiya watches with hooded eyes before clearing his through. “Enough.”

You instantly let your jaw go slack, his fingers trailing down your body before slipping between the folds of your pussy. You bite your lip stifling a moan.

Chishiya tuts at that. “Let me hear you.”

His fingers slide inside and this time you let out a deep moan, the sound echoing off the walls. “Fuck, faster.”

He doesn’t give you enough time to finish your sentence before thrusting his finger up, curling them around to graze over your gspot. “Such a demanding little thing but when my fingers are inside of you all you can do is whine and curse, adorable.”

“I-wa-want.” You didn’t even know what you were asking for, his free slipped under your shirt, his fingers pinching at your nipples. Pleasure surrounded you, a pressure began building in your stomach. You lazily lifted your shirt over your tits, pulling your bra up with it.

Without a single word from you Chishiya began sucking on the sensitive bud. His thumb brushed over your clit and that was enough to send you tumbling over the edge into the cloud your orgasm brought you. Chishiya kept pumping his fingers into you through it, even as your moans turned into desperate whines. “Such a good girl.”

“T-Thankyou.” You stuttered.

He nodded, smiling at you. “Just take a breath, stay here, I'll get you some water.”

“But I thought you said-“You stumbled over your words, eyes wide as you watched him climb off the bed. on “You don’t want to?” Although it may have been a stupid thought you still felt sad by it, disappointed.

“It’s not that I don’t want to.” He shakes his head as he hovers in the doorway. “We don’t know how this world works and we don’t have condoms. I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of pregnancy being achievable. I’ve got to do a grocery run later so I’ll see what I can find.”

That made sense. “Oh…okay.”

“Relax.” He chuckles, his footsteps quietening as he walks to grab some water. He returns shortly after handing you a small cup. “How do you feel?”

You felt…strange. Not sad but you wanted to be wrapped up in a blanket and , hugged. “Okay.” You lied.

He stood from the bed, walking over to the pile of clean clothes on the shelf handing you both underwear and a pair of his sweatpants. “Get dressed, I’ll read to you.”

You smiled at that, happy that he cared enough to make sure you were okay. “Thank you.”

“You lied when you said you were okay, Don’t do that again.” He’s firm and you can’t disagree.

You feel slightly disappointed with yourself that you messed up such a good moment.“Sorry.”

He huffs, grabbing your wrist. Forcing you to look at him. “What did you do wrong?”

Your eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“You’re apologising, so you’ve done something wrong. What is it?” He asked, expectantly.

You frown. “Nothing just.. I should have been honest.”

“You should have, you weren’t, next time you will be.” He doesn’t sound angry or upset and you find comfort in that.

“Okay. Next time I will.” You agree, hopefully, he will be just as honest.

The rest of the day passes quickly, Chishiya heats up a tin of soup for you to share before checking your wounds, declaring them okay, and then he sticks to his word- reading to you with you both snuggled underneath the covers.

He was touchy, much more so than usual but you didn’t comment on it, afraid that if you did it would stop. If he wasn’t rubbing your back he was playing with your hair, every now and again he would lean over and place a kiss on the back of your head. You marvelled at the touches, feeling truly safe and content for the first time since this whole thing started.

Soon enough the sun began to set and Chishiya declared he was going to go and find some groceries. You pleaded to go with him but he denied it, although your arm was getting better it wasn’t entirely there and he didn’t want to risk it.

You decided you’d spend the time making dinner, as nice as you could. You found some canned meat and vegetables in the cupboard along with a single bag of noodles. It would all do to put together a simple meal.

You got to work, boiling the water for the noodles, chopping up and frying the tinned meat and heating up the mixed vegetables.

You left it all to sit on the camping stove, wanting to keep it warm for his return.

You were just about to settle down and prepare some board games for you to enjoy after dinner when the door slammed open.

“Yn!” Chishiya pants, falling in the door, the overpacked backpack dropping with a thud.

“What- oh my god!” You scream, rushing over. You fall beside him, eyes wide at the open gash on his abdomen. “What the fuck happened!”

“I was getting food. Someone - fuck.” He hissed hands cupping the wound. “I need you to clean it up and stitch it.”

“I can’t-“Physically you can’t.

“I’ll die if you don’t. I’ll lose too much blood.” He chokes out, his breath shallow.

You took a steadying breath, you could do this. “How, what do I do.”

“Need you to” he bites his lip trying to quieten the sounds of his pain. “Get the first aid and alcohol. I’ll tell you from there.”

You scramble your way to the small cupboard bag that holds the items Chishiya listed. Your hands were trembling so you took a quick, deep breath, steadying yourself.

He had healed you countless times, now you’d do the same for him, the only difference?

You didn’t know how to save a life.

[mgc02]

OK so that whole it's my party fanfic thing with Lucifer x ftm reader x Lilith thing.

Ya I demand a part 2, im dehighdratid of these two.

And also please make a masterlist I beg of thee

Alright, by popular demand and request here it is

It's My Party Part 2

Lucifer x ftm reader x Lilith

Cw: very suggestive especially at the end, maybe slightly ooc Lucifer since part 1 was made before season 1 came out

The party was the last thing on your mind as Lucifer and Lilith competed to make you lose your composure and it was working. You sat at the bar with Lilith while Lucifer being the host was whisked away by one of the guests much to his dismay as Lilith gave him a smug look before turning her attentions on you. "So who do you think is winning my dear" she said leaning in far too close. Her nose was less than inches away and she looked at you lustfully.

"Because I can promise you I'll give you a night to remember" she trailed her fingers delicately over neck before running them through your hair. You turned a hot pink and your face was on fire. There was only two people on this planet who had this affect on you and you were in a relationship with both of them. "Whats the matter? Is it getting hot in here?" She asked you with that seductive voice she was famous for. You became even more flustered that she could feel the heat radiating off of you and you felt yourself tense up. She then place a hand on your inner thigh and you felt yourself immediately become turned on which made you blush redder. "I think I know who's winning?" She grinned down at you. She was so tall. The way she was leaned down to be close to you and turning the subtlest of touches into seeming inappropriate was making you go crazy.

"Don't count on it just yet" Lucifer's voice came behind her. You saw her pout. "I think it's my turn" he said chuckled darkly before grabbing you by the hand and pulling you to the dance floor. He put his hand on your back and his other laced with your fingers. "Don't let her being a succubus fool you" he leaned in whispered into your ear. "There's no one who knows what they're doing better than the devil himself. And if I win I'm going to play you like a fiddle. And I know that's what you want isn't it?" He nipped playfully at your ear before pulling away. You were once again too flustered to speak. Feeling conflicted as well.

They were going to make you choose but they were both making this so hard. Although you were enjoying the attention you wanted both of them. Maybe there was a way. As you danced with the devil who was a pretty suave and skilled dancer, he noticed your mind wandering and he couldn't have that. He spun you around suddenly and dipped you. He looked deeply into your eyes before his lips met yours. The kiss came by surprise but he definitely got your attention now. You sunk into it and ran your fingers through his blonde hair.

Then he pulled you back up and smiled at the redness in your cheeks. His smile faded into annoyance as he looked past you. You weren’t quite sure why until you felt a tap at your shoulder. "May I cut in?" Lilith asked with her voice like honey as you felt her take your hand and swoop you out of Lucifer's arms and into her own. She danced with about the same amount of grace and confidence as Lucifer, and she locked eyes with you the whole time, but she looked deeply relaxed and almost like she believed wholeheartedly like she had already won.

"You know you looked so handsome with your lips on his. But let me show you what a real kiss is" and you expected her to just slam her lips into yours like Lucifer did but she didn't. She began to lean in and kiss up your neck. Each time it sent shivers down your spine and a heat in between your legs. Before she made her way to your mouth. She knew what was she was doing because instead of making it long and passionate she pulled away making you crave more. She grabbed your tie and pulled you as close to her as possible. "A succubus knows how to give you just enough for it not to be enough. I can take control sweetie. I always get what I want." You didn't know how much more of this you could take. Although you were loving every second of it.

But you did have an idea finally. You were surprised you could even get your brain to work right now. Lucifer approaches ready to steal you away again. You speak up "I've made my decision" you tried not to stutter. "I'll tell you both after the party" they looked surprise. They teased. "Look at our big man taking charge" Lilith said. "Yes, well don't think that will stop us from continuing to have some fun with you" Lucifer grinned. They continued till the end of the party to take turns flirting and flustering you and you wished the party would just end sooner. You ached to have them stop playing with you like a toy and actually give you what they promised.

After the party was over you sat on the couch both of them on either side. A hand on each of your knees that felt kind of weak. "So? Who's the lucky winner?" Lucifer beamed. "Well it's obviously me" Lilith boasted. You were with Lilith last when you told them you had a made a decision so it was fair for her to think that. But you were about to turn the tables on both of them.

"Actually... it's a tie" they looked surprised and a bit confused. "You see, you both have a crazy affect on me and I know you know it. So I think you both deserve to win." Their faces turned to almost perfectly matching mischievous smiles. "I think what he's saying is he wants both of us" says Lucifer with a wink. "I guess we'll have to learn to share for tonight." Lilith spoke suggestively.

Lucifer stood up and bowed to her. "Very well malady, let's go upstairs and play with our new prize" and they took you by the arms and led you to the bedroom where they did indeed learn to share. Lucifer may have been the host but it definitely more like it was your party tonight. And you were the one who won the game in the end.

[letters-from-dekarios]

(A letter arrives by way of a Quickling, a tiny fey creature commonly used as messengers in the Feywild)

My darling husband, my guiding wind, first in my heart,

If you ever leave me to deal with my family alone again I will lock you out of your library for a month!

I understand midterms at the academy are nearly upon us but I am certain your assistant could manage long enough for you to join me at this reunion so that I am not left to suffer my mother's attentions alone.

Speaking of, I have included the recipe you wished to ask from her, and I will bring some of the more exotic ingredients home with me when I return.

Further, your absence has utterly devastated Mallory, who has been demanding her "Uncle Gale" no less than 6 times a day. How utterly cruel of you. She has very much wanted to show you her new magic trick, which I assure you is very adorable. No spiders involved this time.

To say nothing of how deeply I miss you, my love. I shall be returning soon, while it has been good to catch up with my brothers and feel the magic of my birthplace, none compares to the magic of our home together.

All my love, Bel'tan'e

P.S., Callista said you asked her for Dawnsea flowers, did you need spell-grade or food-grade petals?

(Bel'tan'e (he/they) is a spring Eladrin druid, born and raised in the Feywild, and currently married to one Professor Dekarios. They have a large family of relatively high status in the Spring Seelie Court, though Bel'tan'e himself is 3rd born and has little influence of their own (not that they want it). The couple regularly travels to the Feywild to see Bel'tan'e's family, who were quite shocked he returned with a human husband after only a few months away from home, but they grew to love Gale eventually, even if he is very odd and human-like)

(did I do this right? First time submission 🫣)

My love, Bel,

Sweetness, you know how much I adore your odd but ever caring family. I wouldn’t miss the journey for the world. Or, perhaps, a good box of chocolates. Kidding! I swear. I am mourning the loss of my visitation with you, thinking of the extravagant time I could be having while instead, I am pouring over my papers.

I do beg of you to not lock me out of my library. I simply would not be able to fare! I may pass away even at the mere thought.

Alas, I truly wish I could be with you. Though, I hope my words bring you comfort and warmth as if I were there beside you. They will have to do, for now. And while I do trust my assistant very much so, these are things one must handle on their own. This time of year at the academy is far from easy, it is best I oversee the work so as to avoid any mistakes. Nonetheless, I do deeply wish to be with you, don’t forget that.

Send my warmest, deepest affection to your mother back. That kindly woman deserves only the best and I will have something soon to show her my thanks, I promise. The same goes for Mallory and all the little ones calling for me. I do owe them a night within the Weave’s embrace once we can journey there together. No doubt that should suffice as an apology for missing this visit. Do tell little Mallory how proud I am of her. Thank the heavens she’s getting better with that, I nearly died the last time she summoned a spider. I still get shivers even thinking about it.

I have found myself rambling! I must save these words for when you return, otherwise this letter may become too thick to send back. Know that I love you deeply, and cannot wait for your return home. I shall have my best apologies lined up for you since you’ve had to endure such joyous fellowship alone.

Forever yours,

𝑮𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒔

text reads: gale dekarios

literally shut up. ‘uncle gale’???? im sobbing and losing my mind over this. i can literally see gale showing up for the first time to meet their family and just ‘hello! i’m gale!’ Exactly how he says it when you first meet him in act 1. and then all the nephews and nieces hanging onto his arms and asking him about being a human and then him showing them the weave… i need to write dad gale now cause this is TOO cute. also you did perfect im obsessed if you can’t tell ~kore

[kaeyx]

I honestly dont think people understand that Asmo is literally the only one from the transfer of Obey Me to Nightbringer that didnt treat MC differently from day 1. (disclaimer, i havent played nightbringer in MONTHS im still on like lesson 14 if that gives you ANY idea on how long its been since ive played) But like...........yes people notice it but i dont think people UNDERSTAND it. Asmodeus was THE ONLY ONE. Solomon is the exception but imagine you build a life with these people, you build relationships with these people, your like romantically involved with at least one of them, your best friends with at least one, youve shared secrets with them, you share a connection with them that NOBODY does, and then you get thrown into the past and ALL of that gets erased, all of the affection, all of the memories, your pacts, all of the time and effort you put into them is basically just.....gone. So imagine how it must feel to have Mammon back to being how he was at the start, or how it must feel to be shut out by Lucifer again (as a lucifer persuer it was so fucking hard to get through to him and to be thrown out and forced to worm my way back into his heart again- EXCUSE ME!? LIKE BITCH I EARNED MY PLACE IN HIS HEART HOW DARE YOU-!? THAT TOOK TIME-! ) Or how it must feel when Satan doesnt look at Mc the same anymore, or how it must feel when Simeon doesnt show the same amount of love he did before, and then being able to have that sense of........liek.....warmth when talking to Asmo because you know that....nothings really changed. Asmo is still YOUR Asmo. Asmo is the ONLY one, out of everyone, who treats Mc like nothing really changed the moment they met in NB. Its like......Solo and Asmo are not only a package deal, but theyre also a sense of familiarity and comfort in the chaos that is being thrown into the past and being told "you'll be happier here" (also i feel like i have a right to be extremely upset with whomever yeeted MC into the past because ITS MY CHOICE ON WHETHER OR NOT ILL BE HAPPY NOT URS WHY TF DO U GET TO DECIDE IF IM HAPPY OR NOT!? WHAT IF I /WANTED/ LUCI TO KILL ME?! HUH!? LIKE. BITHC. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I FIND KINKY OR NAH STFU >:( its my life how dare you try to tell me whatll make me happy- tho im 100% okay with it if it means i can romance Dia and Barbs within the plot instead of just gathering intimicy points- like.....marry me pls dia i beg of u- pls for the love of the gods make me ur husband- on my hands and knees for u ANYWAYS-) I feel like thats something nobody really pays attention to and like.....understands and acknowledges about NB is that like....everyone else changed EXCEPT Asmo- SORRY IF THIS ISNT LIKE A THIRST OR ANYTHING LEO I JUST THIS HAS BEEN ON MY MIND FOR A WHILE AND I WANTED TO SHARE <3

It's a rlly good point! Asmo is generally very nice to MC even when they're a complete stranger, and it's a bit harder to tell when his affection becomes... deeper? More genuine? Idk how to say it, when he starts caring for them as a person instead of just "cute/interesting new person to play with", but he's still being nice even in that first stage. Beel also behaves like this imo, he's very sweet and opens up to MC pretty quickly (especially when compared to like. Lucifer or Satan)

[jesterthebestsir]

To 🎩 anon (you turned off anon and I'm not sure if that was an accident or not),

"Dear jester I loved reading all that you had said, i found it rather interesting and i feel that we have the same way of processing each event, methodically and in order ! The situations are rather chaotic, but sifting through each element has helped me tremendously to sort out everything.

I deeply thank you for sharing all that with me.

Seems i relate to you even more now, i am also very mature for my age (same as you) and have become rather burnt out with my schooling and life just in general. I was in a period of time where I had lost all sense of feeling, as i had spent years and years tied to people and in lots of emotional turmoil. He got me out of a very awful time, showed me what true love and kindness was. Never have i experienced that in my life, nor did i ever want to. But now that i have, i don't ever want to let go. Even though he is turning 20 in 8 days

At first, i was scared. Couldn't tell him about that specific factor of me. Although recently, i did, and i somehow knew that he had already known, yet was still too afraid i'd get left again. Seems like he cant leave me either but i guess thats a little fucked up hahaha im glad you realise the pros and cons with your situation and know that although you're obsessed with her, you know its for the better to be apart. I am yet to learn that hahaah !

I find solace knowing we have had similar experiences, although how unfortunate they are, we will find what works for us and what helps us get better. I hope you dont mind my little rambling haha I love your posts tremendously and i am glad you are doing better!

i guess i should make an anon hmmm :3

-🎩 anon"

TL;DR: Find a way to wean off him

My situation seems to be somewhat different than yours as you're still in contact with him and know much more about him than I do about her, I'm not sure how deep your obsession is with him but I'll give you some things that'll at least help you wean off him:

Highlight his flaws:

For me, my obsession centered around entitlement and objectification; she was only a girl meant to help ME through MY problems and give ME comfort. Any time it seemed like I was doing something for her, it just so happened that my attempt of self-gratification just so happens to benefit her (EX: I want to kidnap you because I don't see you as your person, but something to be owned). The more I took the time to look at how she looked, her misspellings, and her overall demeanor, I stopped seeing her as a concept meant to please me and more as a person, a person I didn't want to date.

Consider your personality:

As I grew up and started to become my own person, I realized that my personality didn't mesh as well with hers; I was easily distracted, easily annoyed, mentally unstable, emotionally dependant, but physically distant, and hypersexual. That didn't go well with how naive, childish, and go with the flow she could be and that didn't sit right with me. What if I yell at her?! What if she's uncomfortable with my advances, how would I react? What if I become too dependant on her?! Would that annoy her?! Write about him:

I didn't write about her too much, but it did help me realize how truly fucked up our one-sided "relationship" was looking back (even just a day later) at my writings that were begging myself to let go of her really made me break those rose colored glasses

Hang out with friends more:

I know it's insanely cliche, but hear me out!

As I hung out with my friend more and talked to her less, I found myself becoming slightly more dependant on them as they were healthier to be around and can keep me from doing stupid stuff like contacting her again.

Indulge in fiction:

Around 2020, I found myself getting deep into a series (that I still love to this day) that kept my attention and slowly took over my brain, almost replacing my affection for her. I found so many characters that acted just like her and a lot of them annoyed me, which I think solidified my first point of only like her as a concept and not a person.

Consider the future:

Ask yourself: a couple years from now, when you're 18 (assuming you're a minor, but if not just imagine yourself older), do you see yourself with him?

Showing him off to your parents?

Doing mundane tasks non-romantic tasks like doing laundry?

What would being with him look like?

Do you want to get married to him? Have kids? Grow old?

How romanized is your future with him? When you look at your future with him do you see an ideal person, an almost god-like being with zero flaws or do you see him?

My answer to half of these questions was,"God no"

Like I said before, I don't know much about your situation; how long you've known him, how long you've talked to him, ect ect. so these might not be helpful, but I, at the very least, want you to distance yourself from him a bit, especially if the age gap is as bad as mine (16/21).

[deakyjoe]

the more i think about the recent chapter of somebody's watching me the more i fall in love with you as a writer and your interpretation of simon. you've managed to find the middleground between Ghost and Simon that feels so true to both versions and you've humanised him in a way that doesn't water down the essence of his character. for a character as multidimensional and layered as he is that is if course no easy task and with each chapter you put out i am in awe of how you tackle his characterisation.

when i first read chapter 10 i was feeling a lot of emotions (another testament of how skilled you are at writing. eliciting strong emotions from a reader is no easy task) and i was so caught up in the "how could he do this? this is so creepy" of it all and tried to convince myself that no, maybe you were wrong, simon wouldn't do this. because as childish as it seems, i didn't want to admit that my current favourite comfort character could do something so violating and creepy. now that the initial shock of it has worn off and i've given it more thought, i think it's right up his alley and more in character than i would have hoped.

to me it seems that simon, with all his inexperience with relationships and love in general, approached the situation in the only way he knew how; as if it were a methodical intelligence operation or whatever the proper military term for it is. he used all available resources to gather information and intercepted the target at the known location then went against his predetermined rules of engagement which landed him in a relationship he may have wanted but didn't really aim for. in my head it seems like Simon failed so he defaulted to Ghost. it by no means excuses any of actions but looking at it from what i think may be his point of view softens the situation a little bit. definitely not enough to forgive him easily though. i can't wait to see him beg for forgiveness.

i didn't intend on ranting for this long tbh but thank you for reading my random 1am rambles about your work. i remember reading it for the first time at like 3am a little under a month ago and feeling so giddy about everything. you've really done a great job and you're probably one of my favourite accounts on tumblr now.

p.s i saw your post earlier about being afraid that you'll lose followers after the series is over and that is so far from the truth! sure we might have found you because of the fic but it was only a means of discovery, not the be all, end all of what you have to offer. we came for simon but stayed for ej! plus who doesn't love pedro pascal i mean he is just so ,,,, dreamy sigh

god i am quite literally physically unable to shut up sometimes im so sorry for how long this is

People who understand the thought process that goes into my writing and my interpretation of Ghost, I am forever in love with you 🫶🫶

Listen, there’s not much more I can add to this that will say anything extra as you’re quite literally spot on. This is EXACTLY the point I was trying to make.

Since the beginning this story has been about combining the two - Ghost and Simon. Because whilst technically they are the same man, they actually differ quite a lot but elements of each can be found in the other.

The idea of chapter 10 and the end of chapter 9 was to leave you thinking “what the fuck”. Because he’s been so kind and attentive as he figures out his affection for Sarge so far. So the sudden shock of being like “he did something terrible, almost unforgivable” is there to make you question him as a character and his motives. He loves Sarge, he really does, but his means of going about that love are wrong. He may believe what he’s doing is right but morally it’s questionable at best.

And you pointing out the fact that he went about the situation as if he were Ghost and used his resources to carry it out methodically is right on the mark. Simon fails him in this area, he doesn’t know what to do. So what’s easiest? Using Ghost to his advantage. And once Ghost gets him what he needs and he succeeds… then he goes back to being Simon. His intentions were pure but his actions were not. He found a way to make emotions become, as you said, an intelligence operation when all he really needed was to say something to Sarge. Anything. A single clue into his interest in her would have worked. But he doesn’t get that.

It will hit him at some point that what he did was bad and then he’ll strive for forgiveness. And it’s only then, when he completely understands, that Sarge will begin to accept his apologies. As they finally have some meaning to them.

Please rant for as long as you’d like. I love reading your insights, especially when they align with my intentions for the story. I’ve re-read this ask about ten times now and have waited to respond to give you a proper reply so I’d have some coherent thoughts put together. Because the amount of utter glee I felt when I first read this left me giddy and reeling.

Being one of your favourite tumblr accounts now is such a high honour and I am delighted to hear such a thing. And knowing that I’ve got people who are going to stick around once Somebody’s Watching Me is finished is wonderful to hear. And Pedro Pascal is very dreamy, love that man to death. But sticking around for EJ? For me? Im flattered!

Don’t ever apologise for not being able to shut up, especially for stuff like this. This brought me such joy when I read it and I loved how detailed it was. Hope you have a lovely day because this ask certainly brightened mine :)

Side note: people who say they didn’t expect the events of chapter 10… the series is named after a song about being paranoid that someone is stalking you for a reason. It’s been there since the beginning. Sure, it has several meanings. But the obvious one was there all along 😏😏

[jinkicake]

😒😒😒yeah scaramouche has breached the top 10 like I can’t keep seeing these edits and tan art of him in so much anguish and then looking hot saying shit like “ that’s okay, because I’ll make you dumber and dumber until the only thing you can scream is my name” HELLO??? This is a targeted attack on ME personally bc all the hot cosplayers are doing scaramouche thirst traps 😭and my poor heart can’t take being torn in two directions 😔 like on one hand he’s so emotionally stunted and mean that my absolute lack of being serious in any situation would catch him off guard. Like yeah your yelling and ranting about how the other harbingers are stupid but if I kiss you until you can’t breathe and say you look hot what then🤨🎤like he can try and be all yandere but once again I’m gon be into it idk what to tell him! Like I’m mean right back to and I’ll alphabetically list out his mommy issues while not even looking up from what I’m doing🙄he’s also feels like the type to silently but súper loudly beg for attention all day “I can’t believe how cold this bed feels right now👀👀👀👀” like the type to grab your hand and drag you places bc he wants to hold your hand but he can’t let anyone see that he needs human affection 💀 I am all here for spoiled brat scara era like you can’t convince me that he wouldn’t in ei’s room like right after snatching up the gnosis ( nothing but respect for MY electro archon🥰) and fuck you on whatever throne she has in there, in every surface possible bet if he had planned this before hand he would have found a way to do it on the ceiling too. Oh and he’s making sure everyone hears it, it’s usually raining and thundering? Yeah it’s dead quiet everyone is nervous they did something to piss the shogun off bc only the wind in the trees is what they can hear. Rip to whoever lives near that tho bc they hear nothing but the most desperate melodic screams coming from there and skin hitting skin like Rest In Peace fr bc for the next 12 hours that’s their life. Ruler of eternity bc that’s how long he’s gunna fuck you😔😔 there is definitely no mistake of what’s happening when they just hear screams of his name. Like he’s such a petty “ lmao if your a clown I’m the ringmaster” type bitch he wouldn’t care she can hear that shit from inside of her shogun puppet. If your lucky the gods might even bestow a vision in you for enduring that💕 who knows could be an electro one💀 as an “im so sorry you can’t walk anymore” but honestly I would let him, he and Venti are in the same spectrum but he’s the opposite he can “heh pathetic” his way into someone’s pants like childe but less straightforward post redemption arc he’s still the same but he’s traveling around teyvat for the perfect places to fuck you in☺️ like oh this little hidden cave in Liyue looks fine Lmao bc Xiao shows up ready to join in but he talks about it like he’s touring houses “ I think this cave would make your voice bounce off the walls nicely” SHUT UP!!!

not top ten.... come on,,,, we are better than this.... I KNOW WE ARE.

... i deeply enjoy the scara angsty fanart tho,,,, like i cried during that one specific cutscene of the archon quest and after that all of his angst just hit ten times better kekeke

OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT. him being emotionally stunted and mean MAKES him more appealing?! im sorry that i enjoy a yandere psycho! but youre so right like his desperation for any affection really does dent my yandere!scara agenda bc at the end of the day he will do everything to please you and make you happy bc he never wants you to leave him HAHAHAH like you touch him without warning him and he'll literally turn red in the face and explode,,,, SEE HE IS SO DIFFICULT like i can never pick between cute scara or psycho scara T T

omg this headcannon of archon!scara i- every time you fuck him there would be dangerous thunderstorms LOLLLLLL it's like everyone in inazuma is rolling their eyes and cursing him whenever lightening strikes and thunder claps throughout the air hehehe

0h- i feel like if you got a vision after fucking scara he would pin it to you like a badge of honor.... that would be a physical reminder proving exactly what you are to him.... his toy... his heart... idk- i truly cant decide between making him sappy or mean-

if im fucking scara in a cave and xiao shows up.... that little puppet is getting tossed aside like im kicking his ass out and fucking xiao instead like- THAT is the ONLY option

[face-palming-fox]

i so badly want to not be the bigger person.

ive let people step all over me for my entire life. in earlier years, cos i was naive; in later years cos. i thought it's what i should've been doing. to not cause others distress so i would just take it all upon myself.

until everyone all got a bit too comfy with taking advantage of my kindness and accommodating. and they fucked me up beyond anything i can comprehend now. and im tired of it.

if you can't match or respect what i can give. i really don't want much association with you. because im tired of meeting people 100% of the way to not even get .01% of anything back.

so when this selfish, uncaring ex of mine told me im no longer welcome to live in the apartment i struggled to clean for 10 years by myself for him not ever contributing to housework cos he saw earning money as his only duty, and made me leave my cats with him that i did everything for, feeding, bathing, grooming, medicating, cleaning litter boxes and taking to vet appts and often times paying for those appt unless they were more than i had in my account meanwhile all he wanted to do for them was sometimes cuddle them (because he often ignored them too)

the hurt, bitter side of me wants to message his friend that he now spends all his time with and what has lead to the even further decline of him ever paying attention to me and tell her how much he's affected me over the years. how because he made me take on the 'housewife' role of doing the cooking, cleaning, groceries, pet care AND work a 40/hr a week job that kept putting me in positions that i never wanted to be in and completely overwhelming me for 8 hours a day, five days week..

that im and even more broken and disabled person now bc of partial contribution from him. and that i think he resents the fact that im. so. fucked up i struggle to function on a daily basis for having weird brain episodes of dissociation, confusion, exec dysfunction that makes doing tasks harder, time blindness, unfocused most the day.. etc.

how shitty it is that he did every activity i ever waited on him to make time to do with me but it never happened, with her. how he's never respected or acknowledged my queer identity and even made fun of/misgendered/dead named his trans sister (and for some reason so many people felt safe and comfortable to come out to him, i don't get it) and he would brag about getting strangers her barely knew on the internet for less than a year's pronouns correct.

how he now. is doing some. of the house tasks that i literally had to BEG him to do to help me out just a little bit when we were together so i could finally sit down and relax for a while.

how literally hours. after informing me he no longer wanted me to live with him and made my only choice of residence my parents house who I've been terrified of for two years because they refuse to try and understand my mental illness issues... and also in the two weeks following.. he's asked me three times if ill babysit the cats that as of right now im only allowed to VISIT after I've been a part of their lives for all of their entire lives.. so he can go on vacation to visit her again. that would make 3 vacation trips he would be taking in 3 months.

ive never taken a vacation. ever. we either never had enough money, couldn't get vacation time off at the same time or wouldn't have anyone to watch all of our cats. the only time we planned a trip was for a weekend anime convention (would have been my first ever con and i was planning over a year for it) in 2020 and obviously. that fell through.

and after all of this. after everything he's done. after everything he's put me through. he thinks we're the best of friends right now. when in reality.. i hate his fucking guts. i want to cuss him out so bad. i literally wrote 20 full pages of shit for him when i thought i was going to get my things and my cats and never speak to him again and it was gonna be my final words to him.

because he disgusts me. i so badly want his friends to know. his followers. his discord server. i want them to know that it doesn't even matter the longevity of your time knowing him, it doesn't secure him respecting u and treating u well. it doesn't matter how much you've done or sacrificed for him. if he's not the center of attention and the aunmbject matter for everything topic and conversation, it's not worth his time.

he let his partner struggle for years trying to keep up a household and care for increasingly more animals over 10 years. he refused their identity and continued to misgender them on a daily basis. he ignored every attempt his partner tried to make to spend time with him because he prioritized streaming and hanging out online over his partner. he refused to figure out how to communicate despite many desperate pleas for communication. (he stressed out and pressured his ace partner for years for sex when they didn't want to participate and quite honestly probably for the same reasons of 0 communication and he was more in it for himself than anything).

as interaction started to dwindle between us, the few times we did chat it always had to be him speaking or topics around him: his daily video game adventures, his job, how stressed and tired he was. if i spoke or spoke too long (i had to start cutting everything i said down to size because he would never let me speak) he was quickly trying to get away from me or shut me up.

.. melatonin has gotten to me and i forgot my train of thought. my point is.. he's not treated me well. he wants constant attention and praise for every minor thing he does ut he doesn't wanna give any back. at least in my case. and all i ever did was try and make him happy. try to make his life easier and stress free. while he did the exact opposite for me. and he still wants to take from me after it's now all over.

i don't want to be the nice person anymore. he doesn't deserve that from me after wasting 14 years of my life and causing 2 major identity/relationship meltdowns, constant imposter syndrome, increasing amounts of anxiety and nonstop life disruptions that i never could process and settle bc as soon as i tried to get used to whatever way he caused change, he'd cause more.

fuck him. and fuck cishet men.

[bkghq]

hi hi i saw your requests were open? i was wondering if i could request a scenario where reader remembers how bad she used to be treated in high school by her friends, and she comes across a report she made a long time ago to her teachers about her being bullied online for her looks and being called really vulgar names by boys, but now it’s made her indifferent to expressing emotion and she starts crying when she sees the report, so bakugou comforts her? maybe takes her out to eat? i’m so sorry if this is too much, i’m in my last year of highschool kinda sitting around the sidelines and I remembered how bad it used to be which ruined my whole day😭 have a good day/night :)

ᝰ INCLUDES ⋮ bakugo katsuki x fem! reader

— CONTENT WARNING ⋮ angst w fluff ending, bullying, past trauma, best boyfriend katsuki, use of the endearment 'pretty girl' twice (other than that its pretty much gn)

— BONUS ARYA ⋮ hello luv ! ! m so sry it took me superr long to get to ur request,,,, first n foremost i wna say that i love u so much n im always here for u,,, im so sry u had to go thru something like this, i hope this piece can make ur day a bit better ! ! also my inbox is always open if u wna talk <3

ever since you were three you’ve felt as if you were a fighter, a fighter fighting through the rough reality of being quirkless. it was not only hard mentally but also affected your school life gravelly. from being being bullied to being called vulgar words. you were from the very start a prey for this world full of predators.

however, life seemed to get better when you met your boyfriend pro hero dynamight. even though you were a quirkless nobody as per you, bakugo knew you were special. and at times he didn’t understand how someone as sweet, loving and caring as you could feel as if they were a nobody.

you’re everything and more he could’ve asked in a partner, and listening to things you went through, through-out your school life made him sick. because he knows he made someone else make the same way as people made you feel.

thinking about how he was once the predator preying on someone who he thought was a quirkless nobody.

he has changed though, bakugo katsuki is a changed man and he proves it to you on every occasion he can that he is no more a predator, he is now an alibi to protect people like you, who are bullied for something they can’t control.

and he succeeded in it. you had no longer thoughts about people who bullied you, it was a chapter in life that you had shut closed and you were finally happy in life, so so happy.

however, everyday is an up and down.

one evening while you’re boyfriend was showering you stupidly enough decided to go through some old stuff of yours. and thats when you found it, a hardcopy of the report you’d once written to your homeroom teacher in 11th grade when things had gotten really really bad for you.

your curiosity got the best of you, and even though the small voice in the back of your head begged you— it begged you to not read it, not read through the trauma you’ve faced, something you always wanted to shut down and never open again, you did it anyways.

you skimmed over the format diving straight to the main matter of the report.

i’m writing this letter to you to bring a very important issue to your attention and i’m hoping you can help me. i’m a student in your grade, along with 20 other students. as you may already know i’m quirkless and that has taken a toll on my mental health ever since i was big enough to realise what being quirkless meant. however, i’ve been continuously bullied and harassed by my fellow students. being called stuff like ‘useless’, ’stupid’, quirkless idiot’ and many other words which are extremely harsh. on many occasions my fellow classmates have told me to take my own life because im so ‘useless’.

recently my house address has been leaked by someone and i have experienced my fellow batchmates throwing stones at my window. i feel highly unsafe. it was bearable when it was just verbal abuse but now it’s getting out of hands and i’m quite literally scared for my life—

you clutched the piece of paper tightly, not wanted to read anymore. it was so painful reliving those times. it felt as if you were stuck again, stuck in the constant loop of being bullied and tortured. continuously being told to end your life. 

thinking about it all restricted your breathe, it coming out in pants as tears flowed through your eyes freely.

it hurted so bad, your heart felt so fucking heavy, all these things all this trauma that you, as a 16 year old faced has affected you even when you're a grown up.

opening upto people, talking about your feeling, all of this has made it so hard for you. how indifferent you are just because you didn't have a quirk.

“babe have you seen-“ bakugo said as he came out of the shower with only his sweatpants on, though he stopped mid- sentence when he found you on the edge of bed clutching a paper in your hand and crying.

without wasting another second bakugo rushed to your side, sitting infront of you on the floor on his knees, taking the piece of paper from your hand and placing your small hands in his huge calloused ones.

“wha’s wrong pretty girl?” he asked rubbing his thumb on your palms as worry laced his feature.

sniffling you said, “’s nothin’ Important ‘suki, ’s jus’ my old report i wrote to my homeroom teacher.” bakugo’s hand moved to your face wiping away your tears

“what report sweet girl?” he asked, while his one hand stroked your cheek and the other held your hand.

you looked down, a fresh set of tears forming in your eyes, your lower lip wobbled as you sighed,”’s from back when the bullying….” you looked up at the ceiling still not meeting your boyfriend’s worried gaze,”……’s from back when the bullying got really bad, ’n i know ’s stupid cryin’ over it now but—“

bakugo stood up in a heartbeat and engulfed you in a hug, “’s not stupid baby, don’ beat yourself up, your feelin’s are valid.” he pulled back holding your face in his hands, his thumb stroking your cheek bones, “gosh i hate those fuckers, wish i coulda beat the shit outta each ’n every one of them.” he angrily said, though a softer tone still visible in his voice.

a choked chuckle left your mouth at his words, soon followed by another sniffle,”’s alright i’ve got you now.” you smiled at him hugging his waist and snuggling your neck in his broad chest.

“you w’na go out pretty girl? jus’ you ’n me out on a date? we can go wherever you want?” he whispered in your ear as he hugged you tightly letting you embrace him. bakugo placed a chaste kiss on the top of your head waiting for your answer.

“……even to the cafe you don’t like because there are so many cheesy couples?” you asked face still buried in his chest as you enjoyed the warmth that his body radiated.

“yeah, even that shitty cafe you like so much.” he grumbled, but he knew— he knew that he was more than to take you to that shit ass cafe with the cheesiest couples if it meant that you’d be happy and smiling again.

“yeah, yeah i’d love to go with you ‘suki.” you replied pulling away the slightest so you can look into his beautiful crimson eyes that brought you so much warmth.

bakugo nodded his head and gave you the softest smile, a smile only and only for you. 

THNX 4 READING <3 RBS + COMMENTS APPRECIATED ໒꒰ྀི ⁰́꒳⁰̀ ꒱ྀི১

[santhropomorphy]

Hi!! Love your fics!! I hope this isnt an odd question, but I wanted to ask, since you've shipped hobmurphy/dreamling since before the tv series came out and the ship definitely has more attention now than it did before--have you noticed any differences in how the morpheus/hob dynamic was written/viewed by the fandom before the netflix show vs afterwards? anything about the ship that newer fans might overlook? im deathly curious about that evolution and thought it might be worth asking about :)

Aww, thank you for reaching out! I'm so glad you like my fics☺️

👀You wanna know the pre-show dreamling story? Oh boy, am I happy to talk about that! (no seriously, I vent about those dark ages to anybody willing or unwilling to listen)

So I'm not your oldest sandman fan, I read the comics about 2 years ago and started shipping dreamling/hobmurphy at the same time. I read Men of Good Fortune (dreamling's first issue) and left off shipping them like a maniac. Two guys meeting each other every hundred years, the slowly developing affection, the fucking break-up, the reconciliation at the end, I was HOOKED. So I looked on ao3 for fics...

In a 30 year old fandom, there were FOUR (4) dreamling fics. One of them an introspective drabble, and another one barely shippy, just a lead up to desire/dream... And all those fics were dated 2003, 2006 and 2010. On Tumblr? There were about 30 posts under the tag Hob Gadling, 3-4 of them shippy. There was ONE (1) fanart of dream and hob together. One!

As for the dreamling fandom? Nonexistent. I can count on one hand the number of people I could talk to who shipped them, and I raided the fucking internet... I was literally going around 5 different socials like an idiot, begging people to ship them with me! I nagged my beta (bless you, Roonie) to read the comics, so that I could have somebody to yell at about dreamling!

I wish I could tell you the difference between the shippy content now and back then but it would be a chore cause I was literally the only person actively creating said content (plus ThePlatypussPrincess whom I managed to rope into my agenda and nagged into writing a Glorious fic😘). Those few interactions about them I managed to have were all very similar to the dreamling conversations I have these days.

I think a lot of this was a product of the differences in the source material. I picked up on the dreamling ship fast because it was right up my alley with friends to lovers and slow build of trust and affection. But a lot of other people seemed to have missed that potential i guess which still baffles me. Then the bloody show came around and Hob and dream spent 8 whole minutes staring into each other's eyes, saving each other from Constantine and a million other things so glaringly obvious that there was no way for anybody to miss it. And I was left standing there in the corner like... PEOPLE, THE QUEER WAS ALWAYS THERE, IT JUST DIDN'T WHACK YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH A BAGUETTE!!

Okay I can try comparing differences I guess but those are just the result of the show's additions: there was no Hob jealous of Shakespeare and no Teacher!Hob. And dreamling all in all was perceived in 90% as platonic...

Fuck I'm getting depressed, anyway, the way this ship blew up after the show was fucking insane, I'm still recovering from it.

Hope this was coherent enough!

[matchablossomwrites]

Hi, I really like your writing!! Can I request Mikey and Izana (u can add more if u want to) react to them hitting their s/o during an argument and how would they apologize ? Angst with comfort, also gn!reader pls (im craving for angst and fluff rn :DD) U don’t need to if u don’t want to write it ofc :)) I respect ure decision ^^ thanks for ure time ❤️

Hey hey hey! Thank you so much for this request! I had a ton of fun writing it ^^ I hope it's up to par with your expectations. I'm so sorry it took this long. I've had an incredibly busy week with my new job and college, but I did my best! I hope you have a wonderful day/night.

Sano 'Mikey' Manjiro

"y/n I don't want to see you right now. Just leave before you regret staying here any longer" he warned "Leave" The air grew more and more icy with each word that came out of his mouth.

You just wanted to check up on him. He'd been so distant lately and this is how he thanks you? You were so worried. Anger boiled up inside of you as you stared at the man in front of you.

His expression was blank. He was going to snap soon. patience was wearing thin for both parties. He didn't exactly have a good day. Things went terribly wrong today and Baji Keisuke had died a few months prior and he was cycling through the stages of grief. The last thing he needed was for you to show up out of the blue like this and confront him now

But it's not like you knew this. You knew Baji had died and you were still easing through grief yourself. God you missed him, but you were coming to terms with the fact that there was no way to turn back time and save him. Mikey was still coping with this. They were best friends. of course this was something that would affect him way more than it would affect you.

"Huh? Are you really telling me this? Mikey I've been so worried about you and this is the thanks I get? I came here to check up on you and even took the day off to spend it with you. I could've been spending my time in so many other ways but I came to check up on you because I care about you!" you yelled you were angry to the point of yelling. Things were getting more and more tense.

Anger boiled inside of him. it was becoming unbearable. "And guess what? I don't care. I don't care that you took all this time off for me. Absolutely no one asked you to be a tragic hero and try to fix me. I don't need fixing. So, I'll say this one more time because apparently you don't know how to take a hint. Go. away." he hissed as his smile turned into a frown.

"Baji wouldn't have wanted you to push us away, you know. He would have-" you began.

However you weren't able to finish your sentence as you felt a stinging sensation on your cheek.

"Shut up! You don't know what he would've wanted! I don't know! You don't fucking know either! Ok?" he hissed as he narrowed his eyes at you. "You don't understand now and you'll never understand! So don't tell me that he wouldn't want me to act like this or whatever! Got it! Because you will never FUCKING know." he growled as he went to point at you.

Suddenly, he was brought back to reality by the sound of you whimpering as you covered your head, attempting to protect yourself. You were too afraid to say anything else to further upset him. You tried so hard not to cry, but with the stinging paired with fear tears cascaded down your face as you attempted to protect yourself from him. "Please don't hurt me.. I'm sorry" you apologized

"Oh god..." he trembled. "oh god, oh god, oh god. what have I done? y/n I'm so sorry." Mikey's eyes widened as he looked at your shaking form in front of him. He attempted to reach out and hold you, however his sudden movement scared you, causing you to flinch.

It was then that he realized the damage he'd done. Guilt hit him like a semi truck. "baby please don't cry. I'm so sorry I let this happen. I never meant to hurt you." he choked out, voice wavering. At that moment all of his emotions that he had been bottling up came pouring out like a waterfall. all the anger, despair, loneliness, and guilt finally made themselves known.

Seeing him break down in front of you made you realize how much he was truly hurting. "P-Please don't go. I'm so sorry." he whimpered. "I never meant for you to see me like that. I'm a monster god I'm so sorry." he apologized. The more you saw him break down the more you realized how bad he truly felt about this.

So, you resigned even though alarm bells were still softly blaring in your head and allowed yourself to be embraced by him. "Don't leave me... please" he whimpered. At this point you both were crying, though neither of you cared that your jackets were getting wet. you weren't sure what to say.

So, you decided not to say anything and let him calm down as you attempted to calm down yourself. Once you both calmed down, Mikey pulled away to look you in the eyes. "Please don't go... I can't lose you too" he begged as he held your face in his hands. He was trembling, absolutely terrified of what he'd done to you. You were his lifeline. He needed you. "I've got you. I promise I'm not going anywhere. I care about you, Mikey, and it hurts to see you like this." you sighed as you gazed at him with a soft expression.

It was then Mikey broke down again. though not for the same reason. It was because he was so grateful he had someone like you by his side. Someone so forgiving and compassionate. "I love you" he whimpered. "Thank you"

"I love you too"

Izana Kurokawa

Things weren't always like this. You were sure of it. But lately your nights were filled with screaming and harsh words. Despite this it was never anything too bad. Either he'd apologize with a bouquet of red tulips, white orchids, and purple hyacinths or a teddy bear and chocolates

But this... this was too far.

You don't really remember how it happened if you were honest. One moment you were having a peaceful conversation. However the moment you brought up Mikey since you'd recently met him at your school.

That's when the mood got sour. He'd said a few things and you retorted with your own set of phrases. Soon the fight grew personal. things were going too far. Both of you were saying things you really didn't mean, but since you both were in the heat of the moment there was no longer a filter stopping you from saying those harsh words and phrases.

Things peaked when he harshly shoved you against the wall in a fit of rage. You were terrified of him, but you didn't dare let him know that. you tried to shove him away but he slapped you. That's when you have had enough. You packed your things, not saying a word to him. Then, when he was asleep you quietly made your escape.

When he woke up however he was shocked and scared. He looked around the shared apartment. there were no signs of you anywhere. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to figure out his next steps, but his thoughts were preventing him from doing so.

Has he finally done it? Had he finally driven you away to the point of never wanting to see him again? He understood if you did. He knows that what he did wasn't right, but he still wanted to make one final attempt at reconciliation and if it failed, all he could do was accept that.

But where have you gone? He had no absolute clue, however he knew you were good friends with Kakucho, so he dialed up his best friend, praying to whatever cruel god was out there that you were at least still alive and safe.

After a few rings Kakucho picked up. In a panicked state he began explaining what he had done, though Kakucho stopped him. "they don't want to see you right now. Leave them alone." he replied, clearly feeling bad for the other party. "Are they with you?" he asked. "No" he replied. "Are you lying to me?" Izana asked. "no." he sighed. "Where do you think they would go if they had no where else to go, Izana?" Kakucho asked.

Their parents. The answer was glaringly obvious but he was so panicked it didn't even cross his mind. "But, Izana now is not the time. Please. Give it a few days. Imagine how they feel." Kakucho replied. "fine..." he sighed.

The next few days Izana spent thinking of what to say and how to apologize. The more he thought over that night, the more he realized he fucked up. As he sat at a table at a cafe that had been your first date with him, he saw you crossing the road, talking with Kokonoi and Inui who also happened to be your friends.

However the more he looked the more he realized that even though you were smiling it wasn't reaching your eyes. It then dawned how much he had truly hurt you. He then raced towards you, not caring if others were watching.

He didn't give a fuck about how crazy he looked in that moment as he sprinted towards you because he knew that if he prolonged this any longer it would only hurt you even more. "y/N!" he yelled, causing you to jolt, effectively capturing your attention as well as Inui and Kokonoi's as well.

"The hell do you want?" Kokonoi hissed as he protectively put his arm in front of you. "Can't you see they don't want to see you! You slapped them and hurt them and you have the AUDACITY to come out here and follow us!?" "Koko... it's ok. Thank you for caring about my safety" you smiled softly at the taller man while Inui glared at Izana. "Fuck this up and I promise you, you won't be allowed to be even within a continent of them" Inui growled before they walked away, allowing the two fo you your privacy.

The two of you then decided to talk it over at the cafe he'd been sitting at. As the two of you sat down, it was then you finally got a good look at him. There were bags under his eyes, his hair was disheveled, and he was distraught.

"y/n I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better... It wasn't your fault to begin with. This whole mess was my fault and... and it wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. I was out of line. God you must hate me... you can't even look at me in the eyes." he mumbled as he let out a sad chuckle.

He felt his chances growing smaller and smaller with each passing minute. He was sure this was the end. The more he thought about it, the more he should've seen this coming. He was so harsh to you, spewing insult after insult at you, yet you always came back to him every time.

The silence was suffocating him. 'Just end it already' he thought to himself as he gazed up at you. 'I can't take it anymore. It hurts.' "Izana '' You spoke up finally, causing him to jolt as he slowly looked up at you. "I think I finally understand you… you’re scared.” you looked down at your lap. Just where were you going with this? He didn’t know. “You’re scared of being happy because the last time you were happy everything came crashing down like a castle of sand… That’s gotta be the reason you keep hurting me right? That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. But every single time this happens the harder it is for me to trust you. To trust that you even care about me anymore. You always tell me you love me, Izana, but I don’t know if I believe it anymore” you sighed as you began tearing up.

The more you spoke the more he realized how badly he fucked up. “I thought this was real, was this real? Or were you just using me just like everyone else? Were you using me to get happy? It’s getting difficult and I’m not sure how long I can keep doing this… especially after you won’t even allow me to meet new people” you muttered. “y/n… I’m so sorry” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I never realized you felt this way… god you should’ve told me” “You never cared enough to ask” you muttered.

Izana then got up from his seat across from you before he took you in his arms. He knew the damage he’d done was irreparable, but at least he could try to make it up to you in other ways. “I’m so sorry I made you think I never loved you. God I never meant for that to happen. You’re my home, y/n. I should’ve been more open… I shouldn’t have let my fears take over, I’m sorry. And I know ‘sorry’ isn’t what you want to hear from me right now, but I promise I still love you and I promise I’ll never let this happen again” he choked as he shook his head, truly feeling bad for what he’d done to you. “Izana… please can’t we just go back to how things were when we first fell in love?” you whispered. “I’m sorry… I don’t think that’s possible, but I promise I’ll give you the best possible future.. Just don’t leave. Please” he begged, his voice growing softer towards the end of his sentence.

“Ok… Just know that I’m going to make sure you keep your promise” you smiled, the same smile he’d fallen for when he was child. “I will. Thank you” he smiled.

“You idiot… you broke our promise” you sobbed as you knelt at his grave, holding a bouquet of red tulips and stargazer lilies close to your chest.

A/n: Thank you for your support

[yaomomvs]

TAKE OUR HAND

seijoh x manager!reader

in which aoba johsai vbc just wants you to take their hand, just as the many times they have reached for yours when they needed it

pls i’m sorry i just wrote this for comfort, in having a terrible week and so, i just really need my seijoh boys to comfort me even if it’s just in my head and just so you know, and as i’ve been trying to convince myself, things always get better

tuesday, [15:56 pm]

“nice kill yahaba senpai!” kindaichi congratulates his upperclassman.

his voice makes you react, it scared you. still holding your pen and the notebook you always carry around even on normal practice days, your hand threatens you in the most scary way possible.

fuck no, just... breathe.

you are quick to leave aside the notes, and so, you look around to the boys, who just after the coach’s whistle sounds they are quick to approach your spot.

you take the water bottles as quickly as you can.

“oh y/n-san, i know we are irresistible but you can’t just slack off admiring us!” makki teases you laughing.

“if our dear manager is admiring someone is obviously me” oikawa says, before taking a sip of his bottle, slightly making you blush even more.

“i don’t think she likes idiots who still watch youtube conspiracy videos at 3am”

“iwa!”

“weren’t you the one with a secret obsession for romance manga, iwaizumi?” it’s mattsun time to expose his friend. iwai mi doesn’t hesitate and he runs directly to matsukawa, while kunimi brings out his phone to start recording the chaos in the gym.

you don’t listen.

your head hurts, and then, you once again feel this weird thing in you stomach. you have been feeling like this for the past week, and you try to ignore it . but sometimes, you just want the world to stop.

you can’-

“y/n senpai?” watari calls your name, and you notice his furrowed brows looking at you, worried. you blink and correct your posture. you had just zooned out. “is everything ok?”

“ah yes watari kun!” you force your self to sound relaxed because you feel the sudden gaze of the entire team “i was just thinking in a smart way to insult oikawa, but i’m worried he won’t understand tho”

“hey! you said i was your favorite”

you fake laugh once again assuring everyone that you were just fine. the day goes on, and somehow is becomes more difficult to just stay down not worrying about anything.

and they notice.

you don’t walk home with the guys today. instead you run to the bus not before excusing yourself with an ‘urgent family thing’

“just please don’t let makki eat so much ramen today!” you giggle as you run to the bus “i’m not in the mood to dealing with diarrea!”

“that was a secret between us darling!” the pink haired guy screams cheeks blushing.

and maybe you were just too distracted, but before you face them away some of them notice how quick your smile fades.

“you know guys” yahaba is quick to say “call me crazy but, why did she lie?”

—

wednesday, [10:22 am]

when was the last time you actually enjoyed school? not practice, but school itself. seeing numbers everyday in the board that you don’t understand is frustrating. your throat hurts, there’s has been a not there since the begging of the day.

swallow it, y/n, dammit

you decided to take this class, don’t blame the world, blame yourself. isn’t it supposed to be simple? why isn’t it being simple? is that... 

"Square root of 57 is equal to Xo, miss" 

"alright!" 

it is not like it’s a race, you want to say. why was the teacher obsessed with speed?, it’s unfair. your time is not the same as that of others. 

you drop the pencil and you recline in your chair, why couldn’t you do operations and analysis as fast as they could? you take a look around and the eyes of others look frightening. you see ambition, you see security, you see admiration.

the bell rings and you just want to run, and well in a way you end up doing it. leaving your homeroom, you tell your friends that for today you want to be alone, the halls of aoba johsai are big, for your fortune or misfortune. you go to the vending machine and when your drink falls, the minimum noise makes you startle, lately it’s like that, small noises or actions affect you way too much.

and iwaizumi notices it.

you don’t make a single move, it’s just the cold drink resting on your hands. and before iwaizumi could stop mattsun, he was already putting his hand on your shoulder.

“y/n!”

the orange juice spills and once again fear takes hold of you.

you see them both, you’re not stupid and you know hajime stares at you weirdly, and now mattsun, you hide your fear it a bit worse than yesterday, but you do anyways.

"someday, Matsukawa-san, YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME! and what will you do without me?" you try to say cheerful, wanting to take away the suspicion, for a moment it works.

"flunk history, that leads me to..." 

"no, sweeheart, i won’t give you my homework" 

you walk and both guys follow you, one faster than another, very naive of the situation. "I begin to believe you hate me," says Mattsun, as the three sit on a bench near the school cafeteria casually encountering kunimi who quickly joins you, patting the folds of your skirt as you sit down, you rest on the table and admire his needy expression and as the tantrum of mattsun grows.

minutes go by, your chest pain grows, but somehow you know how to let it go.

 with your hands supporting your face, lunch passes between you and kunimi, you try to talk, you really try. 

but still, your eyes just glow, and kunimi notices how it’s not the glow you always have.

—

thursday [12:03]

your head is spinning, you can feel the cold sweat. will this be the time? why do you feel so small? why can’t you say it?

it’s familiar, you recognize this feeling, an ocean, you’re floating, you know you can swim, but, you’re in the middle of nowhere, you look down. Out of nowhere the intimidating depth of the ocean is beneath you. And then, you sink. You feel like you’re drowning, you feel like you’re fighting the tide, but you just can’t do it.

i just need...

no, it’s not time yet, it’s still training. the boys... you’re the one who should take care of them, you’re the one who has to be be fine. they had no time to lose, they had a goal and for the moment that was the most important thing.

On that bench, your gaze is absent, you know it is so.

and through the window that overlooks your classroom, oikawa notices it too

“y/n...” he mumbled.

of course he’d noticed. at first it was not so clear, but now he remembers.

when kindaichi pinned your dark circles to him, while admiring you by fitting volleyballs in a way not of your own.

makki watches oikawa from your side, you don’t even know the pink-haired guy is there, unaware that he’s sitting next to you. but he notices. he’s been noticing for days that your eyes are threatening to close in the middle of class.

hanamaki catches your attention and instantly that mask you’ve been wearing for weeks appears again.

"hanamaki, i’m fine"

it doesn’t convince them. they both look out the window and nod.

oikawa notices, and god, he wished he had no reason to.

—

friday [14:00 pm]

breathe.

please just... breathe.

you’re fed up. the feeling of guilt and discomfort is still there, can’t you be calm? people don’t need to know, but why do you want to shout it?

the dressing room is alone, the girls from the soccer team are out and it’s your only chance.

the team needs you, hold on a little.

your footsteps are heard in the hallway once again, a symphony you’re tired of listening to.

your chest hurts, your heart is aching, but you just need a little more. hands are shaking, the cold in your body, you need to stop.

you have to make them stop.

but when you walk into the gym, even with your eyes down, all you feel is warm. and it’s because, the boys were standing, aligned begging for you.

no, they beg for your sake.

and everything stops.

one hand from him on your neck, and one hand around your shoulders.

because oikawa, without warning, now has you in his arms.

and then, only then, you break.

tears don’t take long to come out, along with desperate sobs. your legs fail and out of nowhere, you and oikawa are on your knees.

with an alarmed look, the whole club runs towards both, surrounding you as sensibly as possible.

"i’m sorry, i’m sorry I’M SORRY" is heard from you, between hiccups.

“love, listen...” iwaizumi approaches you,somehow he managed to catch up with you, somehow he managed to hold your hand.

"i promise i didn’t want to, but i can’t, i can’t anymore, why can’t i? i try and i try and i keep trying but it’s never enough! IM TIRED OF SEEING SOMETHING AND NOT BEING ABLE TO PROCESS IT LIKE THE OTHERS. I’M TIREDD OF NEVER FULFILLING WHAT I SHOULD”

yahaba’s heart aches, and just as most of the team, is shocked.

your hands, oh your adorable hands, those hands that bandage his in the middle of an important game, he sees them shaking horribly between iwaizumi’s.

“AND I’M SCARED, WHAT IF I LOSE YOU BECAUSE OF THAT BECAUSE OF ME? BECAUSE OF HOW I AM I-“

watari is quick to place your hair gently behind your ear, a kunimi covers you with his jacket.

“I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND I DONT RECOGNIZE MYSELF” you lower your voice, its cracked now “oikawa I don’t recognize myself, I want to be me again" you whisper, and a knot appears in the captain’s throat, and he puts a hand on your cheek "please... just let me be me again" your throat burns, your eyes get redder.

the gym goes silent, your words still echoing in everyone’s head.

“why didn’t you-“

“i just couldn’t” you blame yourself cutting oikawa off “look at us! we are waisting time on me when we should be- i’m the one who has to- im you support not-“

“hey hey, love...” iwaizumi whispers his voice is filled with sweetness, letting you sit correctly and softly rubbing his thumb in your hands “how many times have you been there for us? y/n your hand is always there”

“that’s true” kyotani says, finally saying something, emotions overwhelmed him a lot, but he genuinely wanted to help you.

“there’s something about you, there’s light” kindaichi follows up.

“no matter where, or how bad we are, somehow you always are helping us stand up” mattsun also tries to carefully approach you, he wants nothing more for you to feel safe.

and oikawa’s arms were still around you. he never stopped.

“we have reached your hand so many times, so now it’s time for you to please take ours” oikawa holds you face, and you see the sincerity and kindness behind his brown eyes, it feels like home.

mattsun does a sign asking the coach for a day off, both of them smile tenderly at you and give the green flag. iwa and makki are next to hold you carefully helping you stand up. they help you stop shaking but it’s mad dog the one who wipes your tears away with a tissue watari handled him. still not knowing if he did it the right way. you still feel kunimi’s scent. you still see kindaichi holding your school bag making sure nothing is missing. yahaba is the one bringing you water. and oikawa still refuses to let you go.

all of them feel like home.

“thank you”

and that’s how you know everything is going to feel fine.

because this club was yours and you were theirs.

this was home.

[yunkiwii]

champagne problems

p — younghoon × gn!reader ; g — angst ; tw — alcohol, heartbreak , reader is a mess of a person in general , mentions of reader as a bride once but despite that it's gn ; wc — 1.2k

a/n — im actually nervous about this one? it's a little different from what i'm used to write and i'm not sure if it came out as i imagined it, so bear with me sjxbsjn

inspired by miss taylor's song, champagne problems

The sun reflected on the glass of whiskey in front of you, three cubes of ice floating and dancing around as if mocking you for the misery you were in, memories of him flashing in your head like one of your favourite rom-coms.

You don't even like whiskey. But he did. And bringing the glass to your lips was the closest you were to taste his lips on yours again.

It was like he was in front of you again. Kneeling down with the brightest smile on his face and hands shaking as he took your cold ones in his. He was talking to you, one of his friends was on the side recording it all, but all you could do was beg for him to get up again, your heart beating too fast and too loud that you didn't hear a word he said. You didn't want to hear it. You knew he had been preparing all of this for weeks, maybe even months, because he wanted it to be perfect, for you.

He began to quiet down and, with a nervous chuckle, he reached for the back pocket of his jeans. It seemed to take forever for him to take out the little black velvet box, the one he had safely kept in his drawer after your second year anniversary. You were a couple months after the 5th one now. He had waited three years for you. His mother trusted her ring to him for all those years, believing you would be the one wearing it next. You too believed it once. You had seen the ring on accident before, about a year prior to this day. It was the perfect ring, simple and yet full of beautiful details that made it unique. You even tried it on, smiling dumbly at the thought of your boyfriend proposing to you. However, you knew it wasn’t the right time just yet, and you sat down with him that night to talk. It ended with both of you crying, embraced in each other with the promises of taking things slow and to always be true to one another.

As he spoke, the conversation and promises from that night replayed in your head. You loved him, that you did for sure. And yet, you still couldn’t do this. You thought you could, but seeing him in front of you, proclaiming his love and affection towards you, promising to never leave your side, your certainty faltered.

You whispered for him to stop this. “Do not do it in front of all these people”, you said.

His sister was ready to pop the champagne bottle, you could see her holding it with her life in the corner of your eye. Everyone was quiet, expectantly waiting.

"Younghoon…"

"(Y/N), it's okay. I'm ready now. We're ready." The way he caressed the back of your hand almost made you believe him. You should be ready, life wouldn’t be much different from what it was at the time, except for the fact that you would be legally connected as well. To you, that was too much pressure, it was frightening, suffocating even, to think that if you ever wanted out you’d have to go through lawsuits and paperwork. Not that you think you would want that, not with him. You loved him and he loved you. But he dreamed of this, of you in a white dress, him in a black suit and all of your friends surrounding you to celebrate the love you had been sharing for five years, and all you wanted was him the way he was at the time and for things to stay as they were. It was stable and it felt safe. You never wanted the attention, you never dreamt of walking down the aisle with hundreds of eyes on you, and you thought you could change for him, the same way he did and waited for you.

"I- Don't do this, I beg you." Your grip loosened and his tightened. "I'm not ready, Younghoon. I'm not ready." The words slipped out faster than your brain could process, the bittersweetness of your confession burning in your throat. You heard a pop and shattering glass, and you could swear it was the sound of his heart breaking.

You left him there, broken and confused as you dropped his hand once more, this time to never pick up again, and you ran away.

“Pour me another, please.” You swore you hated the taste of it, you used to tell him that all the time. But here you were, sitting at the bar, already going for your third drink, beating yourself up for letting go of the best thing that has ever happened to you.

It’s been eight years now. You’ve held yourself together for the most part, even when he’d call you late in the night or show up at your new apartment, wasted and crying, begging for you to go back to him, to tell him what he did wrong and promising he would do better next time. Even then, you had held yourself together.

“You did everything right, Younghoon.” You would tell him over and over again, “I’m just not ready for it. I think I might never be.”

“I will wait forever, (Y/N). I will wait forever, I promise. Just give me another chance.” He’d get down on his knees again, wrapping his arms around your legs as he sniffled with his forehead resting against your hip.

“You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve to wait for someone like me, you have to let me go. You will find someone better, someone who deserves your kindness, someone who treats you better and never drops your hand like I did. You will find someone new, someone who wants the same things as you,” You caress his hair softly, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall down and stumbling over your words, “someone with who you’ll have the most wonderful kids, someone that can give you the life you’ve dreamed of. You know I’m not that someone, don’t you?” Younghoon sniffles one more time, shaking his head in denial. You take his hands from around your legs, forcing him to set you free and, holding them tightly, you lie to him one last time, “I don’t love you anymore. You gotta let me go.”

After that he never called or showed up at your door. You barely ever saw him again, and for that you thought you had moved on.

You saw him today though. You were leaving the grocery store when he walked right past you without sparing a glance, too focused on the girl that walked next to him with her arm enlaced in his to even notice the fruits rolling down the street after you dropped your bag. You wouldn’t have recognised him either if it weren’t for the familiar scent of his cologne, one that had tricked you into looking back a few times before, but this time it was really him. And he seemed happy. He is happy. He moved on. He did exactly what you told him to do, so why did you feel weak on your knees and sick in your stomach? And why did you just throw out your 5 year sober chip just to get reminded of how his lips tasted?

© yunkiwii 2021, all rights reserved. please do not repost or translate

taglist ↝ @bobateastay @su-lix @icedcoffeesunwoo @moonieric @wooyoungsbae @hwarora @taeyongslilkitty @wooyoung-a @stealanity @en-boyz

·˚ fill this form to be added to the permanent taglist, send an ask/dm to be removed ♡

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

It annoys me when people complain about Julian and call him “whiny “. The person that John hurt the most throughout his whole life is his own son! I feel like this gets glossed over because he was more attentive to Sean “At least he was a good father to one of his children”. John failed Julian massively. Having Sean should’ve motivated him to try harder with Julian but I feel like it demotivated him because he realised how much of Julian’s life he missed and that made him feel bad about himself. Even in May’s book she says that John would’ve avoided Julian for the rest of his life to avoid feeling bad about himself & the choices he made with his life. And even when he got his visa he was happy to fly to other countries but not the country containing his son! I mean c’mon that’s very shitty and inexcusable. People can’t relate to John’s callous treatment of Julian so it’s downplayed and undermined by the excuse of “Oh well, John was better with Sean”. I know John appeared more motivated towards the end but doesn’t absolve him of the damage and pain he already caused to his son.

I try to understand John’s neglect of Julian from his perspective - I don’t want to excuse or justify it, but I still want to know what was going through his head to make him treat Julian the way he did - but I just can’t really understand it in the same way I feel like I can empathise with a lot of John’s other flaws. Like I feel like I can understand Johns mistreatment of certain people, or his mood swings, or his anger etc. But when it comes to Julian I struggle to understand him, and I just think its such a shame that Julian never got the closure he deserved with John. But I guess a few things to keep in mind when discussing this are:

1. Alfs abandonment

That Johns father, Alfred, abandoned him at such a young age, this might have affected John in such a way that made connecting with children a real challenge. Of course, he ideally still would’ve made an effort to connect with Julian more - but I guess that this was 1963, and he was someone who at this point had had absolutely no therapy. John’s own father I think was placed in an orphanage around the age of 5, so this neglect and abandonment appeared to be a bit of a cycle within the Lennon family-tree. Alf didn’t develop the neurones to be able to connect with his son the way a father ideally should be able to, and therefore John had trouble forming these connections too.

A real tragic story regarding this disconnect is one that ive heard Paul tell a few times (see this interview at 6:24 to hear him tell it). He essentially compares his ability to just naturally connect with children, to John’s inability to do the same; Paul grew up in a household where children and babies alike were around all the time - and in addition to this, there seemed to have been a lot more affection involved in his early environment compared to Johns. So when Paul was able to pal around at ease with Julian, John asked “How do you do that?” - and its unfortunately just not something you can just learn. I think John did want to be able to relate to Julian, and a part of him wanted to be a real dad - but I guess he just lacked the initiative to do so, as well as not having the needed facilities provided for him to be able to function as “good” parent (< or in other words, that man needed alottttttttt of therapy omg—)

2. Aunt Mimi’s coldness

I think by now its sort of been established that im not Mimi’s no. 1 fan - I don’t hate her, and I think she genuinely loved John, but ive been pretty critical of what I perceive her parenting style to be like. One aspect of this parenting style is that I think she was cold and deprecating towards John, which I presume took a toll on his relationships in such a way that made him susceptible to cynicism and even bitter contempt towards those he loved most.

“She never hit him: her worst punishment was to ignore him…When she did, he’d plead, ‘Don’t ‘nore me, Mimi!’” - I think that this type of parenting style could have effected the way John relates to Julian, perhaps making him feel it was okay to abandon him, maybe as a result of some unrecognised childhood angst or revenge.

Theres also a story where I think John said something to Julian a long the lines of, “I hate your laugh!”. Like, Jules was just some four year old living his life and then John, his own father, had this massive fucking mood swing. I feel bad for Julian cause my parents were like this (had random fucking mood swings and said some pretty contemptuous things) so I can empathise with him. At the same time though, I feel like I can understand John getting these mood swings (although, I don’t think that showing that kind of contempt towards a child is at all acceptable, and assuming that this sort of thing was a regular occurrence, I would say he was emotionally abusive towards Julian. Maybe John got these mood swings from Mimi (check this post for more on that).

3. Yoko’s influence and isolation

I think we first have to take into account here that John had a history of neglecting and failing Julian, and from what im aware of, he only started making contact with him again during his ‘Lost Weekend’ after being encouraged to do so by May Pang. So I don’t think we can make Yoko take all the blame for Johns neglect of Julian (and certainly not his emotional abuse towards Julian). But I think we have to also account for the fact that Julian has stated Yoko would refuse to put him through when he would ring his dad. And I just don’t know how much John had to do with that - as in, I don’t if John knew Yoko was isolating him to the extent that she did, or if he was unaware that she was rejecting several important and significant figures in his life.

For what its worth, Julia Baird wrote in her memoir of John urging (or really, begging) her to go to Cynthias house and ask Julian to phone him, because he hadn’t been able to get through to Julian, and he was trying to construct a better relationship with him around this time (this was before Sean was born, like you said, he seemed to lose motivation with Julian after Sean was born). I don’t know why Julian wasn’t taking his calls around this time - John seemed to think it had something to do with Cynthia, perhaps it was an autonomous decision made by Julian, perhaps it was entirely just a misunderstanding; I don’t know.

When it comes to Yoko, im conflicted - to some extent, I think John was being manipulated by her, and she was clearly isolating (even abusing) him - but also, he’s a grown man, and so he had to take the initiative for his own life. So I don’t know, but id say she is still partly responsible for spoiling Johns relationship with Julian.

~ ~ ~

At the end of the day, all I can really say is that John was just a classic case of parents needing therapy before they start, y’know, parenting - but it was 1963, and thats just not something most people underwent back then, especially people with more complex and unrecognised traumas, as well as mental illnesses that, whilst prevalent, may not have been so apparent. To clarify that point, I think John could function well-enough in his day to day life to be able to get by, because I don’t think his traits of mental illness tended to disrupt his life to such a degree that he could not function (at least not in 1963, though in later years, id argue more so they did; but even still, I don’t think John tended to struggle with mania or psychosis etc.) But I think he was still dealing with mental illness in a way that wrecked almost all meaningful relationships for him, as well as made feeling love and functioning as an emotionally stable and consistent person, a real hardship and challenge for him. And this inability to feel loved and cared for etc. made being a parent, quite simply, impractical. He needed therapy, and its a shame he died before ever receiving real therapy because it would’ve been interesting to see how John might have come to terms with really acknowledging his failures as a parent, and because Julian might have gotten some real closure with his dad.

All in all, I think Phillip Larkin said it best

[youngbeezer]

hi!! can I please request something?

going to a lake house, maybe friends to lovers with bowen byram?

thank you! 💗.

A/N: HI IM SO SORRY THIS LITERALLY TOOK 4 EVER!!! i was having such bad writer's block with also zero motivation, but i eventually put a little something together and i hope whoever requested this first off actually sees this bc seriously its been a good month of this sitting in my inbox but also i hope you like it :)

Word Count: 2940

Warning(s): kinda angsty in beginning, curse words, ends fluffy !!!

masterlist || join my taglist

These next few days is either going to turn out to be the best week of the summer, or the most awkward week of the summer...

I’m currently stuck in a car surrounded by couples on our way to a lake house in Colorado. Somehow I ended up being lumped into this chaotic group of professional hockey players and their drop-dead gorgeous significant others.

About a year ago at my local salon, I just so happened to be seated right next to a woman named Grace, who I immediately hit it off with. We became fast friends and are now basically inseparable at this point. Her boyfriend just so happens to play hockey for the Colorado Avalanche, Cale Makar. Now I have also grown quite close with Cale as well, since I am always at their shared apartment for Grace. At this point Cale is basically third wheeling us, instead of it being the other way around. Therefore I was also always invited to team parties and get-togethers, which prompted more friendships with most of the guys on the team and their respective partners.

Someone I have surprisingly grown super close with is Bowen Byram. As soon as Cale introduced us two, his blue eyes and raspy voice immediately drew me in. Straight away we bonded over common interests and that night we talked for almost three hours. After that, we were thick as thieves. So thick that recently I have come to the realization that I have caught major feelings for him along the way.

It has only been a few weeks since I have come to this realization and it has already started to affect our relationship. I definitely started to ignore Bowen a little bit when I first figured out my feelings because I was scared he would somehow find out or I would just end up blurting it out at some point. And the last thing I want is for my silly feelings to ruin such a great friendship.

Thus why this week can either turn out to be the best or the worst.

I’ve decided that at some point during this trip I need to confess my feelings for Bowen. He’s also seemed to notice the shift in my attitude towards him. I have become more closed off and not as touchy as we used to be. Bowen and I are both very touchy/feely types of people. So what seemed like just some harmless cuddling and play wrestling with each other, to me did very little to quell down my feelings.

For example, this morning when we were packing up the cars for the trip a group of us are taking to Tyson Jost’s lakehouse, Bowen went to wrap his arms around my middle from the back and I subconsciously flinched away at his touch. I know he definitely noticed my mood shift from the defiant pout that was resting on his face. After that I did what I do best, and ran away to the other car that was driving up and basically begged Nate to switch seats with me.

Which now leads to my current thoughts. The entire car ride up I have been contemplating on ways I could tell him, but each scenario just ended up with him telling me that he doesn’t feel the same, and our friendship essentially being over. Obviously I was just overthinking just a little, but I’ve never been stuck in a situation like this before-- and now we are going to be stuck in a lake house together for an entire week, so I am going to be forced to face this situation whether I want to or not.

“Yo. Earth to y/n?” Tyson draws, trying to gain my attention. I snap out of my thoughts as soon as I hear my name, and bring my gaze to the rearview mirror to meet Tyson’s questioning look. “We’re here.” He announces.

Susanna, Mikko’s girlfriend, adds on, “You alright? You seemed kind of out of it the entire car ride.”

I shake my head to try and clear my thoughts and notice that we are indeed here at the lake house we will be staying at for the next week. I clear my dried up throat before croaking out a weak, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just don’t like long car rides.”

Both of them nod, content with my answer and exit the car to join Mikko in unloading all of the luggage from the trunk. I take a few more moments to fully get my head together after dealing with all my jumbled thoughts throughout the entire three hour car ride.

Jumping out of the car, the first thing I see is Bowen letting out a yawn and stretching out. As his arms raise over his head, some of his shirt rises up with it and immediately my eyes are drawn to the small portion of skin and v-line that is in front of me. Bowen then notices my presence and makes eye contact with me, giving me one of his adorable little smiles. I advert my gaze as quickly as I can so my obvious ogling isn’t as obvious and go to finally retrieve my luggage.

Yeah this was gonna be a long week.

…

After everyone got pretty much all settled into their rooms, we all ended up coming back together to sit around the firepit to chat and enjoy some drinks. For this trip that Tyson orchestrated there are in total ten people staying in the house. Me, Tyson, obviously since it’s his house; Bowen, Cale, Grace, Alex Newhook, Mikko and his girlfriend Susanna, and lastly Nate and his supposed new girl who will be joining us later on in the week.

Apparently a group of the guys and their partners have been taking trips together at the end of the hockey season for a while now, and since growing closer with the team this year, I graciously got an invite.

Since it was getting later and a little bit more chilly, I grabbed a random sweatshirt that I saw already laying around in the living room before making my way outside to join everyone by the firepit. Getting closer I noticed that the only seat available just so happened to be next to Bowen.

Cale and Grace give each other a not so inconspicuous knowing look when they see me approaching. As soon as I sit down, a question is being thrown at me.

“Whose sweatshirt is that y/n?” Cale brings everyone's attention to me with a growing smirk on his face.

“I don’t know, I just found it in the living room.” I give Cale a questioning glare, trying to figure what his endgame is right now.

“It’s mine.” I hear that same raspy voice that I love and know so well. I feel my face start heating up at the idea of wearing Bowen’s sweatshirt. Am I wearing his name on my back right now, and I just didn’t even think to check earlier?

“Oh, uh. Sorry, I can give it back to you, if you want it.” I stumble out, now feeling awkward and a little embarrassed about how flustered I am getting over a simple sweatshirt.

Bowen gives me a little smile before replying back, “Nah, it’s fine. It looks better on you anyway.”

I clear my throat and stumble out an awkward ‘thanks’ at Bowen and then turn my attention to Grace right next to me so I don’t embarrass myself even more. What I don’t see though is the way Bowen's face immediately falls when I turn my back on him.

…

Around midnight is when everyone started to make their way back inside the house to start getting ready for bed. I was mindlessly scrolling through my social media, so I didn’t notice that mostly everyone had already gone inside.

“Y/n.” I look up at the mention of my name to notice that Bowen and I are the only ones left outside.

Also noticing the intense gaze I am receiving from Bowen, I quickly gather my things and stumble out, “Oh my gosh I didn’t notice everyone left already. I should head inside as well.”

Bowen is quicker though because he grabs ahold of my wrist, halting me in place before I make my very obvious escape.

“Hold on, please. Can you please talk to me?” Bowen pleads out.

“What do you mean? We’ve been talking all night.” I countered, trying one last time to get out of this conversation.

“We’ve been talking as a group all night yeah, but you couldn’t even make eye contact with me. You know what I mean. What’s been going on? Did I do something?” Bowen frowned.

At that moment I felt so guilty. I’ve been so focused on trying to ignore my feelings that I have developed that I ended up pushing my best friend away and hurting him in the process. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. I knew I would eventually have to have this talk with Bowen during this week, but I just didn’t expect it to be on the very first night.

“Okay. Yeah, let’s talk.”

I lead the way down to the dock overlooking the lake and sit down to dangle my feet into the water. I know for a fact that Grace and Cale realized that we both haven’t come in behind them, so they are most likely snooping by the backdoor wondering what we are doing.

Bowen joins me, after slipping his shoes off and dangling his feet in as well.

“What’s been going on y/n?” Bowen asks again.

“I-I think I’m in love with you.” I blurt out. I can feel my heartbeat pounding in my ears as I await any type of response from Bowen. Taking a peek over at him, I see the pure shock on his face. Probably wasn’t the best idea to start off the conversation with that.

Taking his silence as a bad sign, I start spewing out whatever I can to try and calm the anxiety coursing through my veins. “I-I think I have known for a while and I just tried to ignore it, I guess. But then I realized that I was just pushing you away, an-and I never wanted to do that. Our friendship means that absolute world to me, and I would hate myself if anything I did, or-or my stupid feelings jeaporized that.” At some point during my little rant, a few tears escaped. I turn my head away as I try to hold back on a full on sob breaking loose.

“You think?” He eventually breaks the silence.

Confusedly, I turned my head back around and let out a strangled, “Huh?” I see the corners of Bowen’s mouth start curving up into a tiny smile, confusing me even more.

“You said, you think you’re in love with me.” He pointed out.

My eyebrows raise in question and I give him a little shrug, prompting him to elaborate more.

“Well… I’m pretty damn sure I’m in love with you.” Bowen softly declared.

My breath catches in my throat and my mouth turns as dry as the Sahara Desert. Those were definitely not the words I was expecting to come out of his mouth. He chuckles at my surprised face and scooches a little closer to my body to wipe a stray tear on my cheek.

“Are you serious?” I whisper out.

“Of course.” He whispered just as softly back to me as his head inched closer to mine.

My heart pounds in my chest as Bowen’s hand comes up to cradle my cheek. All of our pent up feelings and emotions that we both have been too afraid to admit all come crashing together as our lips finally meet. He kissed me gently, almost carefully, but after all this time gentleness was not what I wanted right now. Bowen let out a low groan as I pulled him flush against my body, my fists bunching up the collar of his shirt.

Before this could go any further, we both pull away breathlessly, basking in what truly just happened-- just now realizing how much our relationship is about to change.

“Fuck.” Bowen breathed out, running his hands over his face. “If I knew that was what it was like to kiss you I would’ve blurted out my feelings the day I met you.”

My ears perk up at his last few words and it seems like he also realizes what he just admitted, as his cheeks immediately turn a rosy color.

“You’ve liked me for that long?” I bashfully question.

Bowen runs his fingers through his hair and blows out a breath of air before answering, “Yeah, I-I mean… yeah I have.” He stumbles out, awkwardly letting out a laugh.

I lean my head on his shoulder and connect our hands, feeling super content and never wanting this moment to end. We take a moment to just sit on the dock-- with our feet hanging in the water, hands intertwined; and bask in the feeling of finally letting our feelings out into the open.

“You know everyone in that house is going to have a field day when they find out.” Bowen mumbles against my shoulder, before leaving a lingering kiss on the exposed skin.

“Oh I wouldn’t be surprised if they all had a bet going or something.” I chimed. I raise my head that had previously been resting on Bowen’s shoulder back up to look at him, and see that he is already smiling at me. “What?” I drawled, feeling my cheeks heating up under his gaze.

“You wanna sleep in my bed tonight?” He asked hesitantly.

My cheeks now feel on fire as I ponder on how I want to go about this. I raise my eyebrows up at him in question as I ponder out, “Do you want me in your bed tonight?”

Bowen gives me an almost incredulous look as he voiced, “Of course I want you in my bed.”

I just give him a simple nod and push my body up in a standing position, reaching out my hand to prompt Bowen to join me. “Okay, let’s go.”

Bowen immediately shoots up from his sitting position, clinging onto my hand as we make our way back up the yard to the sliding glass doors of the lake house. Just as I predicted earlier, Cale and Grace were totally snooping. Actually, the entire house was snooping. Everyone was gathered in the kitchen trying to act casual as we walked in, but as soon as they noticed our conjoined hands, all hell broke loose.

“I fucking knew it!”

“Aw you guys look so cute.”

“Bout time.”

“Ha! Nate, you owe me fifty bucks.”

I looked over at Bowen with an unimpressed look, “Told you they probably had a bet going on.” Meanwhile Bowen has an incredulous look coating his face watching his friends freak out over his newfound relationship. Instead of questioning our oddball friends, Bowen just simply shakes his head, letting out a little chuckle.

“Alright I’m heading up, I can’t deal with these idiots right now.” Bowen gives me a quick peck on the lips before announcing his departure for the night. Most of the others also start making their way up to their respective rooms for bed, the guys putting on a show of making kissy noises and making a few chirps as they follow Bowen up the stairs.

Grace joins me by the counter, making a show of wiggling her eyebrows at me. I’m smiling like an idiot as Cale also joins us, chuckling at my lovesick expression.

“You’re welcome.” Cale smirked.

I scrunch my face up in confusion as I question him back, “For what?”

“For introducing you two, duh.” Cale teased. Grace smacks him on the arm with a tut, making a show of rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. “Alright, seriously I am happy for you guys though.” He eventually relents.

My cheeks heat up from the attention but also from the thought of Bowen and I’s new relationship. Grace grabs me by the shoulders and starts pushing me in the direction of the staircase.

“Obviously I’m happy for you too. All I’ve wanted is the best for you and I think Bowen is just that. And with that being said, go get your mans!” She sends me off with a quick smack on my ass. I giggle the whole way up the stairs on the way into Bowen’s [now our] room feeling extremely giddy and content.

When I enter the room, all the lights except for the bathroom are already off, and it looks like Bowen is already settled into bed. So, I quickly do my night time routine and change into my pajamas before making my way over to the bed I will now be sharing for the week.

Bowen is awaiting me with his arms wide open, which I happily cuddle into the second I am under the covers. He buries his head into my neck, leaving featherlight kisses here and there.

“I love you.” Bowen mumbles into my neck. I card my fingers through his hair and kiss the top of his head as I mumble back those same words, in complete awe over how fast my life has changed in one night. We both knew that we would eventually be together, it just took a little time and a trip to Tyson Jost’s lakehouse for us to figure it out. This week will definitely be one for the books.

Taglist: @barzysandmarnersbitch @handwrittenheroes @hockeyplayerstories @barzy-xoxo @gnemgn @joelsfarabees

Tagging some mutuals as well so this doesnt flop,,,

@2manytabsopen @bb-nhlqueen7 @frederikanderson @simon-edvinsson @coltonndach @carepriceisgoodathockey @lovereadinghockeyy @pettypeteys @kentjohnsons @joekellys @mattybenierss