#im in psychology rn and they are not telling me why i would fuck a character who is not fuckable. Sad!

[todayisafridaynight]

If you had to choose between banging Aoki and banging Mine, which would you bang?

oh you're all gonna hate me

[alivingtypo]

I take notes when i watch new episodes so may i introduce my completely sane and succinct thoughts while watching 7x09

911 7x09 ashes, ashes 

wheel of fortune is fun 

Starting ahhhh the medal ceremony

Buck sitting between Tommy and Eddie is insane

I’m so proud of them omg 

Bobby’s proud face

Bobby MEDAL OF VALOUR

oh no Bobby 

Oh no Bobby 

Chim and maddie are so sweet

RAVI MY BOY

Tommy and buck are cute tho 

Oh fuck 

Gerard 

Homophobic cunt 

I love when Maddie interacts with others

Bobby freaking out ahh

Oh no the mayor or whatever councilwoman 

Oh my god I’m going to lose it if she fucks with the Wilson family I’m gonna lose it 

Oh my god talk you out of something RESIGNATION FUCK I WAS RIGHT 

BOBBY RETIRING 

IM FREAKING OUT 

WHO IS GOING TO REPLACE HIM 

if they split up the 118 I’m gonna throw up 

For fucks sake Eddie

A rowboat with your dead wife’s doppelgänger

WHAT WHY YOU SEEM SO FAMILIAR

this is wild 

Eddie pull yourself together she is not your wife or your girlfriend (or your husband) 

She’s really digging right to the core of him 

Amir is back 

Athena stop breaking the law 

Athena and Amir friendship feels right 

Is Bobby gonna kill himself bc I can’t handle that 

Bobby I’m going to cry 

He’s looking at his family 

Why is the music making this so much worse

His last call with the team maybe 

Bobby calling her Mother hen then looking at buck and Eddie 

He’s dading Ravi I’m gonna cry 

He’s having a dad moment with everyone one last time 

“What are you making” Not me you” “you’re the chef tonight”

Buck being the new 118 chef I’m gonna throw up

Bobby stop it 

Buck loved Bobby’s approval 

I’m crying 

Buck is so cute god

Father son moment I’m gonna throw up 

“Here’s to seven more” 

DAD SON DATING TALK MOMENT 

IM GONNA THROW UP 

OH NO 

KIM BUCK IS SEEING KIM

BUCK WATCH OUT 

HES LIKE FUCK 

WHO DID YOU SAY YOU WERE

Would you mind giving these to him for me. Bucks gonna go to Eddie’s and it’s gonna end bad 

DIAZ HOUSE 

HES LIKE WHY IS BUCK HERE 

BACK DOOR LMAO

MIRRORING THE SHANNON AT THE FIREHOUSE SCENE FUCK

EDDIE PLS BE SO FUCKING FOR REAL

they’re gonna argue aren’t they

It’s not like we’re having an affair GURL BE REAL RN 

I’m worried about you SAME 

The Wilson’s and Hans are so sweet

I’m gonna cry I love them 

Oh no fucking councilwoman is meddling isn’t she

We’re halfway through and I’m shaking 

Kim is shocked at least he told her I guess 

But I’m not her (pls let this be the end of it) 

Ok at lease he’s apologising 

Pls tell her you have a girlfriend

I want Marisol to walk in 

Eddie pls go to therapy

I think she was (the love of my life) girl rose coloured glasses 

Unfinished business

Omg he’s gonna say everything to her for closure (and then Marisol can walk in) 

Amir at the grant Nash house

I’m sweating 

Amir and councilwoman team up would end the world

Amir getting very angry Bobby is gonna lose it 

Oh no Bobby and Athena fight 

Getting your affairs in order oh my god no 

Bobby therapy pls 

Bobby baby 

Bobby and Athena are so sweet together

Pls communicate losers

Councilwoman I’m gonna fight you 

If councilwoman swoops in and takes Mara I’m gonna throw up 

She’s gonna ruin everything I’m gonna throw up

This is so fucked up

I’m gonna throw up

This is so fucked 

I’m gonna fight the councilwoman

Eddie oh god is that Marisol 

WHAT THE FUCK 

SHES DRESSED UO AS SHANNON WHAT 

OK SO MAYBE FOR CLOSURE BUT THIS IS FUCKED 

THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE

he’s going for it 

Ok this is fucked but also kinda sweet

If they end up in bed I’m suing 

Go to therapy 

This is fucked 

I want Marisol to walk in 

YESSS 

CHRIS NO 

Bobby’s fucking house 

Pls 

Why is his dad in the kitchen ok dream ok 

Bobby mental break 

NOT THE BOOK 

ALL THE PEIPLE YOU DIDNT SAVE

YOU WERE A CHILD 

do you smell that

Fuck the poor house 

Not the garden that’s where the family all get together 

Athena oh no

Oh no oh no 

It’s gonna end on this isn’t it 

Oh my god 

Why isn’t Athena waking up

Oh my god 

The poor house 

NOOO NOT A HEART ATTSCK

HIS HEART STOPPED FUCK OFF

NO IF THEY KILL BOBBY IM DEAD 

THATS A CRUEL ENDING 

TRAILER 

Athena waking up and no Bobby

On a ventilator 

THIS IS FUCKED

so yeah i obviously have a very very clear mind while watching my weewoo show

[columbiastapshoes]

hello twin peaks fandom. i just finished the og 2 seasons and for the later half of season 2 i put live reactions in my notes app. here are the highlights <3 (lmk if u want the full version it’s so much longer)

‼️spoiler warning‼️ ALSO if you read me saying ‘evil cooper’ i am talking about windom earle. i did not know there would be a literal evil cooper. at the end of the reactions ‘evil cooper #2’ is referring to cooper’s doppelgänger <3 also also!! the double return means it’s a new collection of notes that i wrote down in the same moment if that makes sense? i wanted to do screenshots instead of the actual text but alas i can only upload ten </3

- "psychological evaluation" he already has an autism diagnosis leave bro alone

- ok hang on. if josie dies and harry couldn't protect her. then. parallels with caroline dying and cooper couldn't protect her. Hm :3 (update! david lynch the man that you are.)

- "what is the greatest gift one human being can give to another?" and bobby and i make the same 🤨 face

- weasel. right. yes. i am following this conversation

- sksksksksk save the weasels

- sorry

- im really sorry

- this is the worst possible person to be helping rn. unfortunately he is incredibly smart.

- earle is dale if he used his autism for evil

- i certainly hate you james fwiw!!

- you guys have started over again like 30473938 times stop it

- "please come home with me" "actually you should go" GUYS

- done with y'all where are the queers

- cooper appears from a bush and goes "you never loved her anywayyyyy"

- christ this is rough where are my boys

- MY BOYS??? oh no it's you :/

- haha you're not gonna tell him right

- ohhhh dear :3

- im going to kms :3

- hello bri ish man would you like a bo'ol of wo'uh

- chess? great! sheriff to fbi agent. they kiss. they both win

- "have someone keep an eye on him" CUDDLE WIFH HIM COWARD HE CLEARLY NEEDS YOU. YOU ARE THE FIRST AND ONLY PERSON TO CALM HIM DOWN AND ALLOW HIM TO CRY INSTEAD OF YELL. WHAT THENFUCK DALE COOPER DO U REALIZE HOW MUCH HE LOVES U. sigh

- I DONT CARE ABOUT THE FUCKING WEASELS THIS IS SO FUCKING. RGH

- no way they have roblox dress to impress in twin peaks

- OH NO HE EVIL WHITTLES HES LIFERALLY RVIL COOPER

- i wanna kiss this sad sad man very desperately

- break it with a hammer ??? dumdum

- WOWEEBOB !! !!

- "not all men" ur right pete martell would never

- my boys have not been together as much and it's making me STBERE THEY ARE WITH A HOMOSEXUAL ARM AROUND THE SHOULDER

- oh there's a bomb! ok!

- HARRY HAS A GRANDPA SWEATERRRRR I LOVE HIMMM

- they touched hands they wanna make out sooooo bad

- the bomb can wait you guys are in love

- cooper so preeeeetttyyyyyy :333

- andy i love you very dearly

- i love how harry is so gentle and kind and patient with lucy and then he's like ANDY SHUT THE FUCK UP

- girls night (cooper interrogating audrey donna and shelly)

- wow thats comforting if i was told this i would burst into tears or flames

- i love it when cooper is in front of a whiteboard

- "for instance?" i KNEW thats how u would approach dirty talk u fancy motherfucker

- THEY ARE NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT IN AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION. AUTISM.

- why is bro goth what happened

- evil cooper you need to either do normal foundation or all white WHY ARE HIS TEETH BLAAACK

- bro is NOT siouxsie 😭😭😭

- yeah no shit. is this. news. i knew this before u fbi fuckers did

- URETHRA! ☝️

- you could KISS him? okay evil cooper..

- finished my brownie. crave death

- who is bro talking to

- oh leo hi leo

- it hasn't panned to leo yet i think he's like dead and they'll reveal it in a sec

- oh nom worse than dead ow ow ow ow

- OW OW OW OW OWWWWIEEEEEE

- WHERE DID HE FIND THE TARANTULAS

- dw leo i can take them home. they are my friends

- giggling a lil. about. cooper.

- BY HEAVENS oh my god

- i'm still giggling about cooper but it has turned from "i want him" giggling to "BY HEAVENS!!" giggling

- ok sorry what's the issue i got distracted

- sorry had to rewind two more times BY HEAVENS is taking me out

- i always said this show needed a dance sequence (i never said that)

- jeez u guys suck not u lucy ur eating

- I ALWAYS SAID TWIN PEAKS NEEDED A KICKLINE AND TOP HATS (i never said that)

- closeup on harry's face pls don't i need GRAND THEFT AUTO.

- sorry pete just said grand theft auto.

- can my cats stop beefing i have a show to watch

- WHERE ARE HER DRAPE RUNNERS!!!!

- you don't fucking say things got out of hand Michael.

- most useless side plot i do not care

- CAN MY CATS STOP BEEEEFINGGG

- HOLY SHIT ITS EVIL COOPER TO ME AND EVIL COOPER LITERALLY!!!!!

- how is he not crying and screaming in a fetal position that would be my plan

- why is evil cooper #2 kinda.

- why do i lowkey want evil cooper #2

- TBIS FUCKING KID WITH THE FLASHLIGHT

- bobs camera angle looks like a ring doorbell

thank you!

[1eoness]

hi! could i request something fluffy? maybe leon spoiling reader with some meal, or cuddles? thanks! ❤️

mentioning meals I AM THE REMINDER TO GO GET A SNACK AND REJUVENATE

and yes ofc i love writing fluffy fluffy hehehehe (im kind of uncreative rn so sorry). btw i'm writing this in the same format as the other one but if you want it to be more structured and narrative just uh tell me LOL

content : fluffy leon kennedy x gender neutral!reader (it's written in second person though). pet names lol

synopsis : leon wants to spoil you so he's feeding you and providing you with an army's ware of cuddles >:)

-food is fuel and leon is a fucking engine

-tbh i hc that leon has a big appetite for sweet stuff,,,, i'm sure a big collective of ppl agree bc he's so squishy squishy [what the fuck am i saying idk]

-anyway enough about me gushing on leon.

-YOU. when will you ever take the time to let him spoil you? are you trying to avoid him?:((

-leon is part kidding. he's not mad ofc but sometimes he can't help but get a tiny bit worried about you sometimes.

-see, leon is a firm believer that a person cannot come to their best senses unless their basic/psychological needs are fulfilled. that includes things like eating, or affection—because when your body senses that you're lacking in something, it will use your brain power to signal you that you need to eat or be smothered with affection! hence you can end up feeling burnt out if u dont pay attention to ur love vitals!! >:(

-leon's mindset will always be applied on you because you're his second heart, you're his tough rock and you need to be taken care of!!

-HE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE THINKING "affection? that's absurd people can still learn attentively and work efficiently without having to be coddled >:(" while yes in a sense its true—but sometimes you just don't realize that what you need is some time to be vulnerable and intimate, which can explain why your emotions feel a lot more heightened recently than usual (which he notices by the way). you've been tense for a while, and leon reasons that you can't just 'move on' from being overwhelmed with work stress and whatnot—you have to relieve it! but enough about theory.

-your hunger for food or affection is like a 7th sense to leon to be honest. while it's not an accurate intuition everytime, he's bound to think of you once every like two minutes.

-leon actually has very clear and high critical thinking skills. this means he is able to remember a lot of things about you even if he only notices them or you mention it once: this includes your comfort drink, where you like to be touched, hell maybe even the MBTI of your favorite character. and he ESPECIALLY knows what food you like. pad thai, sushi, oxtail, jerk chicken, cake, boba, YOU NAME IT HE KNOWS IF YOU LOVE IT OR NOT

-so when it actually came to asking you what you wanted, he'd send a text saying he's downtown and asking you 'what would you like, baby?'. he's careful with his words and doesn't say "do you want me to get you something on the way?" because it means he's giving you a choice >:( when the whole point is to spoil you because you deserve it.

-and if you answer with something vague like 'anything' HE DOESN'T MAKE YOU SPEAK FURTHER he'll just buy what he knows u like and keep the rest in the fridge if you dont wanna eat it :3 well that's what they're for, right?

"oh, my sweet.." his voice was quaint at the sight of you. leon tried his best to be silent when he entered the room, not wanting to sound like he was pitying you, but seeing you half-covered with comforters, mildly upset and your mind in a frazzle has his heart dropping a bit. you were probably thinking about so many things: meeting some deadlines, picking up this and that from the store, computing this... but you just couldn't organize your thoughts. but that's why leon was here.

your head moved to swivel his direction. "leon.." you smile at him weakly.

it was cold in the city tonight. leon places a hefty white plastic bag of your favorite on the nearby surface before he sits down in front of you from the edge of your bed. he takes the brief second of studying his lover's face before he pulls you into a comforting and warm hug. he can't help but pat the back of his sweet baby's head down, and you feel his lips barely nuzzle onto your ear as he mutters. "y're so good to me, baby. you know that?" leon reminds you before kissing the side of your head shortly. you tried to reciprocate it by giving him a nimble kiss on his cheek, which he gratefully accepts with an eager beam on his lips.

his hands slide down your arms in a soft stroke as he lets go of you gently. the rustling of the bed's layers being heard as leon moves a bit to reach for the hefty boxes of food, which he opens for you once he gives you take your utensil/s. leon's happy seeing you eat. it's a form of reassurance to him personally witnessing you getting the fill you deserve after a whole few days of being so busy and rushing everywhere. it's a calming sense to him as you both soak in comfortable silence while he watches you eat. he was caring less that it's 2 in the morning and caring more about the way the color on your face slowly vibrates back onto your features. you seem less tired, just by a tad percentage. it makes him smile to himself knowing he was able to take care of you. " 'm finished." you mumbled with a hum, feeling a little full and having to lie down. fullness makes you sleepy (and leon knows that!) so he has a subtle, cheeky little grin as he leans over and collects your legs with one arm, pulling you to make you lie on your back. he crawls over to lie down next to you, once again pulling you close to him while he wraps his arms around you— one patting and planted gently on your back while the other cradles your head close to his heart. just where you belong... "you tired, baby?" leon asked shortly and your little nod sufficed. his cheek gently rests against the side of the crown of your head. his touch is soft, it's sweet as he rubs and scratches down your back gently. he gently scruffles at your scalp with his other hand's fingertips, and the motions will send you to a hopefully revitalizing sleep ♡. he places a kiss on the top of your head, like a ribbon keeping its gift from falling apart :( he knows at this moment maybe you're thinking you don't deserve him. but that's so far from the truth.

[weirdcat1213]

Almost 3am trigun brianrot time! This is long so be prepared

Tldr: it's about my idea of trigun 98 being the body, stampede the mind and trimax the soul

Ok so I was thinking about how TF I'm gonna handle trimax for @vashsscoreboardofpain (follow that is gonna be funny) and then I remembered an idea for a master post I wanted to do. I still want to make it but sadly I'm not at a stable position rn to do so. Maybe one day. But I still wanted to put that idea cuz it's slowly taking more form

Now, when I mean X is Y I mean it in a "this version of trigun has everything yes, but highlights Y the most and I think that's neat." Also it applies for all the characters but tonight I'm gonna focus on vash cuz im a vash enjoyer first and a person second. Yes my favorite character is the main one sue me.

Anyway, let's go

Trigun 98 is the body and vash encapsulates this idea in an interesting way. Plant powers aren't really a thing in this version so he is more like a super human with a fucked up arm. This makes him the closes to humans he's ever gonna be. But even if he doesn't have powers on this one, it was his and knives' bodies the cause that one guy's fear (its 3am I don't remember). He's afraid of how fast they grow and how much they learn. 98 also highlights vash's body being like everyone else's. He gets hurt multiple times, he needs nurses and kind people to look after him. Not only during the eriks episode but also on the episode after he kills legato. He also shows vulnerability by getting so drunk he needs to really focus to aim. He needs food and water. 98 Vash is really the closest one to humanity than the other 2, but only because of his physical attributes. Only because of his body, which bring him trouble most of the time. His vulnerable body is the cause of his misery, but it also allowed him to get close to people

Stampede is the mind cuz yeah, they had a specific mind palace episode (which I loved I ate that shit right up) but also because it does give us an easier access to everyone's mental state. We get to see this vash speedrun so many psychological problems in 12 episodes and is not gonna slow down. We literally get to see the guilt and terrors that plague his mind and how his mental fortitude exists thanks to other people. Also if you notice it, people just diagnose him left and right on stampede. Roberto picks up the ED signs, most characters tell him he has a death wish, nai straight up tells him he's doing good things out of guilt and vash allows himself to think about his contradictions outloud in episode 12 and why does he do the things he does (something that would be a therapy exercise I wanna say). Stampede is the mind cuz everyone is getting retrospective

And finally, trimax is the soul because it has more time to dwell on the characters emotions than any other version will ever give us. Instead of straight up diagnosis, trimax will give us panels to show us how vash feels about a situation. Instead of showing vash hurt from the horrors done to his body, trimax will focus on his pain. On his eyes that refuse to look at his own terrifying body that we can see, but only he can feel. What I mean is trimax is designed to drown us with emotion. The other versions are emotional af too, but trimax has that raw emotion up its sleeve. Trimax does nor dwell on the multiple scars vash has or his many Many mental problems. It shows us how fucked up vash's thoughts are about his body and his sins and we get to say "ohhhh...oh no". Trimaxs emotion is so heavy to bear that the body nor the mind are still present, but in comparison to the soul, they aren't highlighted. People say eyes are the windows of the soul and honestly I feel like you can learn so much of vash just from looking at his eyes. Once you focus on his soul and emotions you just can't let go of the feeling that this man will be drowned by his own emotions. Both positive and negative.

I want to rewrite this one day. Fuck, I'm pretty sure I got the Google doc somewhere. But I also wanted to put that idea out there. Because this doesn't mean one version is better than the other. It means that they all highlight different parts but they all end up in the same conclusion: trigun is about connections and alienation and love and peace

And vash needing therapy. Desperately.

[cannibalslut]

Cannibalism and Kabru? Interesting. I wonder how he would do with such thing, considering that he’s most likely traumatized by seeing people from his home village being devoured by monsters…

Anyways, I wanted to ask this for a while now:

So, what are your ideas for this ship? What is your s/i like? How did she and Kabru meet? What is the dynamic? What role does cannibalism plays? Just, I’m dying to know what is going on.

Fun fact: I myself have been eyeing Kabru before properly watching Dungeon Meshi, suspecting that I might get a crush on him. But then shit happened, and here I am, obsessing over Thistle instead... Kabru is still cool, though. I especially love how the manga shows that him lying to manipulate people has consequences, so now he has to supress his honest emotions and do things he doesn’t want to do. It’s hilarious, I have never seen it done anywhere before.

(By the way, I’ve seen many people joke about being disappointed by Kabru being a man because they though he was a beautiful butch woman. Thoughts on that?)

– villain-in-love

so sorry to say… the cannibalism is mostly symbolic…. 😔 it’s like sentiments of “i want to eat you” and sexual biting and like. heavy cannibalism allusion used in smut. that kind of thing. kabru i think wouldnt be able to stomach survival cannibalism much less pleasure cannibalism like hes not that kind of guy. cath is a different story.

speaking of cath shes my s/i. her name is Catherine Entrailé she’s fantasy french (unfortunately, that was just too good a name…) and she’s a vulture beastman (were-vulture?). she can shift between human and vulture forms and was cursed to be this way (like izutsumi). she needs to turn fully into a vulture every so often or suffers consequences, she disappears from the party for a few days at a time and they notice a vulture following them, etc etc…

i havent decided who cursed her shes still a fledgling character. likewise i dont know how cath and kabru met (shes in his party) and suggestions would be appreciated lol. i am thinking of giving her a dead sister or something as backstory.

also, as backstory, she has past trauma from being poisoned, so she has to know EXACTLY whats in her food at all times. she eats carrion because its one flesh with no extra ingredients. this sets up conflict with senshi bc nooo why are you putting extra things in my food are you going to poison me!! so she’s like izutsumi bc they’re both picky eaters. she and izutsumi would either get along like a house on fire Or become lifelong mortal enemies. also there might be an arc there about growing past it because shes a vulture now and can digest many toxins without being harmed.

i think thats probably all i have for her for right now, hopefully i can come up with more stuff soon~ i know her dynamic with kabru, though. the reason why she’s in the dungeon is because she’s a murderhobo actually. she’s like kabru in that she hates monsters, but she hates Literally Everything Else too and thinks all humans should die. if she doesnt kill things in the dungeon she will start doing it on the surface. kabru is worried by and captivated by her weird psychology. they also hook up before he realizes she’s a beastman bc she keeps it well hidden. after he realizes he fucked a girl thats part monster he gets so upset it gives him cramps. i still dont know how to get over this obstacle lol i do not think kabru wants to be shipped with a demihuman. sucks for him bc im doing it anyway hes my little toy 🤍

other assorted thoughts: cath heavily enables kabru’s desires and they have like hungry hands-everywhere can’t-get-enough-of-your-body-sex, laios is the reason why cath became more comfortable telling people she’s a beastman and existing in an state between human and vulture (kabru wants to kill himself so bad rn), tension between rin and kabru and cath happens where rin absolutely despises cath bc kabru wont give her attention but will give cath attention. cath kind of doesnt care about rin too much bc shes aro/polyam like me. if they one sided hatefuck it will go nuclear and tear the party apart.

anyways to the rest of your ask! yes kabru is such an interesting and unique character! i like how hes shown as sympathetic and with good intentions but has some very worrying traits like what is up with his freaky stare when he straight up executes those guys? and when he attacks falin? and also the way his trauma affects him is pretty well done. sometimes he reminds me of light yagami but better lol. he also does take it upon himself who gets to live and die based on a moral framework of “some humans are irredeemable vermin that must be removed” but he’s actually a likeable character and DOES NOT have a god complex. my poor little fucked up guy im gonna use him

i never thought kabru was a butch woman but sometimes i wish he was 😔 though i’ve been doing surprisingly well with the idea of him as a cis man. it pisses me off a little bit that he and cath are m/f and both cis. at least hes bisexual. usually my s/is are lesbian but i cant do that here lol. ALTHOUGH i was thinking genderfluid or crossdresser kabru maybe inspired by ryuko kui’s r63 art (Manipulative Girlfriend kabru you will always be famous) plus this tweet: https://x.com/bedtimecreature/status/1768118459693682865?t=2IniV5ZjNZ9m-fdhHU-Vcg&s=19 idk he just looks really good here man i love him. (i dont hc him as transmasc tho)

this is getting long lol so i think ill end it here. hey i got it in earlier than “in the next week”! thanks for reminding me i had to write this haha

[reiningsoral]

You can talk about Stuff for hours if you'd like, I don't mind

you know sometimes i forget this is the nerd website.

anyway you've given me an excellent excuse to talk about Stuff! disclaimer tho it's past midnight and im very very fucked in the brain rn bc finals r coming up... i kinda just used this as an excuse to word vomit a bunch of unrelated feelings and infodumps into on mildly incoherent post so yeah sorry bout that

mlp theory!!

so in the first episode of the first season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Nightmare Moon is prophesized to be released/freed from her prison (the moon) by the stars. now that at first gets you thinking, "okay, but why would the stars want nightmare moon to be freed? she's evil." and you're right... kind of?

twilight's cutie mark is a sparkle, or rather, a star. see where im going? well now you're thinking "but twilight actively works against nightmare moon!" and you're right! but, i dont think the prophecy was actually about freeing nightmare moon, but about freeing Luna.

luna herself didnt ever want to cause the kind of harm that happened when she was nightmare moon, and she was essentially imprisoned in her own mind via corruption in a weird sort of venom-and-eddie-but-not-really kind of thing

twilight sparkle, the stars, frees Luna from her prison (nightmare moon) which was a state originally brought on by corruption, i think(?)

dhmis!!

dont hug me im scared makes me very nostalgic for a multitude of reasons, but also extremely uncomfortable in a comforting way?

uh if you havent guessed im autistic (undiagnosed but whtv) and this section of my half-past-midnight, feelings-induced, whatever-ness of a post/ask answer is about how dhmis made me feel and why i guess

dhmis makes me think of jack stauber's videos. i think the connection is pretty obvious, i mean, you cant take a look at bumblebees are out and then take a look at dhmis and tell me they arent at all similar.

umm, dhmis's approach to horror is very interesting and unique to itself, its (or was, when it was first introduced) a very new style of horror. it's a psychological nightmare, but even without the even surface-level analysies of the psychological horror, it's still absolutely horrifying. it's uncomfortable, it's gross, and it's generally very unpleasant.

so like,,, why do we watch it?

or i guess, why do i watch it.

all three guys (yellow, red, duck) are trapped in this repeating nightmare of a day, with incompetent people masquerading as teachers who dont know what they're talking about. this, again, very deeply resonates with me, as the kid who had a lot of special interests which coincidentally corresponded to a lot of things we learned in school. i liked a lot of things science related, expecially since my parents are both scientists. i often like, knew more about the topics that were being taught (read: shoved down my throat, incorrectly i might add) to me. i, being the justice seeker i was, would raise my hand to correct the teacher because i needed to make sure that this clearly innocent mistake was corrected so that no one carried misinformation. which is rude, apparently, there's a reason i dont like talking about stuff anymore, thanks middleschool. that bit about yellow guy turning smart for a bit really hit, sorry.

the whole part of the first ever episode about the arranging-leaves-and-sticks-into-one's-favorite-color makes me think about that time in fifth grade. the scene is so hilariously jarring in one way, then it hits you again. "go and collect some leaves and sticks, and arrange them into your favorite colors" is a line that, at first, just makes completely no sense at all, because, how the fuck does one arrange a pretty much monochromatic pallette and arrange it to be in your favorite colors? youre given only a half a second to be confused before the three comply in a different way than the viewer didnt think was the option. they arrange the sticks to spell out thier favorite colors. and then, yeah! that makes sense, so youre satisfied. but the episode punches you in the goddamn face again, by telling yellow he's wrong because "green is not a creative color" which is both very jarring and triggering, and just, infinitely hilarious to me. so how does any of that remind me of fifth grade? it's more autistic childhood stuff, lmao:

when i was in fifth grade, i had teacher who didnt communicate her kind of already nonsensical rules in a way little autistic me could understand, and i didnt ask questions because id been trained to know that asking questions is "giving sass" or fucking, whatever the hell nt adults think it is idk. anyway, this one weekish, at some point, my more rowdy classmates had gotten out of hand using their water bottles and kept spilling water everywhere, so my teacher said that we had to keep our water bottles at her desk at all times. and i was immediately distressed for two reasons: one, it was interrupting a status-quo that had been established (i.e., keeping out water bottles by us, at our feet, every day), and two, i couldnt drink water if Ms. teacher had my bottle. and the way she said it made it extremely easy for an autistic who takes almost everything too literally to misinterpert what she was saying. everyone else got the memo apparently, but i didnt.

id go on more about this but im too tired for an emotional deep dive rn and i wasnt to make an actual post about just dhmis at some point. anyway the point ofthat section was basically i really relate to yellow guy.

the truman show!!

the truman show is a work of absolute fucking genius. i was actually introduced to it via ranboo's generation loss, which is an analogue horror series with a youtube channel with around six(?) vids and a three-part streamed-vod series which was inspired by the truman series i think.

anywaay the inherent horror but comfort in your whole entire life being carefully crafted to be entertainment for thousands upon thousands of people! untapped venting market tbh.

the way that, at the start of the movie, the show is already unraveling, his dad shows up in almost the first scene.

i think the way that the actors subtly break character throughout the show and then try to cover it up in a way that makes sense to their character so that truman doesnt realize they're not real.

but then how the subtlety of the character breaks slowly becomes less and less subtle, and it just... unravels.

um, anyway yeah theres a couple of,,, things that ive been kinda thinking about, mostly incomprehensible because yet again it's past midnight, but i needed to word vomit idk

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HI MAC. FINISHED SEASON ONE OF HANNIBAL. THOUGHTS: AHGHSGHFAHSGDKDFHKJGHKJGD OHGHGGG WILL GRAHAM THERE IS SOMETHING SO WRONG WITH YOU. i am holding him by the scruff of the neck and looking directly into his sad autistic eyes. i love this little guy. he needs severe medical and psychological help. i love him more than anything. dr lecter is so fucking interesting i need to grab him by the neck and strangle him he is such an awful person but such a cool character agh ough agh. he says he's will's friend but then he manipulates him and does all these horrible things and i just!! wanna know why!!!!! if he is your friend why are you hurting him!!!!! or is he actually your friend at all?? do you see him more as something to play with???? someone who thinks in such an interesting way that you wanted to know what lengths you could push him to???? I DON'T KNOW!!!! I WANT TO KNOW SO BADLY!!!!! pls tell me will doesn't die i am so attached to him i am putting him in my pocket and feeding him jellybeans <3 i am going to watch season 2 once my cold is gone because when i feel bad physically i feel bad MENTALLY so i am Not in a good like. headspace?? to watch it rn what with the death and blurring of reality and such but MAN. MANNNNN oh it is so cool i am kicking my feet and giggling i am so excited to watch the rest oghhh it is so fucked up <3 i love fucked up weird murder stories 10/10 amazing show no notes thank u for recommending it 2 me i love it v much :3

NORMAL HANNIBAL EXPERIENCE. OH MY GODDDD im so glad u sre enjoying it so farrrrr <3 its like. beloved piece of media to me but also it fucks me up in the brain. its a good horror reset for me . occasionally im just like. i need to feel weird about blood and gore and death and then i will watch a couple epispdes of hannibal and just sit there like

TAKE YOUR TIME. OF COURSE. dw dw i was the same way watching it for the first time because it gets SO weird and existential sometimes and. tbh the artistic gore kind of got to me in ways i did not expect ??? it can be so overwhelming sometimes and my exact feelings on it are very hard to articulate and i could sit here for hours discussing it and not actually ever get to a point . SO I GET U. it's just the kinda show you gotta take ur time with. and thats totally cool :) I CAN TELL YOU WITH. MINIMAL SPOILERS. will graham doesnt die . absolute mess of a man. u know that post thats like "what a beautiful man . i would love yo see him in a fit of despair" thatd me about will graham. and also covered in blood. and let me tell u this show fucking DELIVERS.

[bfdifan26]

everything i have to say abt every burner character, my interpretations of every one as of rn because i quite literally cant wait for episode 3 so i need to distract myself. disclaimer of sorts, if you couldn’t tell, i see these guys as way more human than probably intended. like i feel as close to them as you would with say your childhood neighbours (DISCLAIMRR i was actually going to do all of them but i ended up not feeling like it. i overestimated myself for once with burner isn’t that crazy. i hope what i ended up writing is good)

-roomy

roomy to me is one of the coolest types of characters like ever. shes been completely isolated for her whole life apart from daddy long legs being close with her, and she seems to be very desperate to please people and to just do whatever is “nice”. she doesn’t necessarily want or dream of anything because she hasn’t seen anything to want. episode 2 was the first exposure to the real world she’d ever gotten. also she really likes kit and spraypaint and was referring to them when she said “all for you two to explore”

-daddy long legs

despite him being the host, i dont actually think he’s the one behind burner. i don’t think he’s the one who teleported them in. and he definitely wasn’t born in the realm! he used to have a normal life in the real world until, thanks to the same being that teleported the contestants, he got sent to the realm without warning one day, and he has been instructed to do the same to other people and make them compete against eachother, for a reason which i havent exactly gotten figured out in my head yet, and hey, maybe he isn’t entirely sure either. anyway personality wise, i think his shyness and how he gets talked over indicates that during his time in the real world, he was seen as the quiet kid, and was shunned whenever he’d try to join in a conversation, and when he got teleported this of course stayed with him, although because of the burner contestants this will slowly begin to fade the more time he spends around them. also yes i do think our cast are the first people this is happening to

-erasey

i love erasey and i am so crazy excited to see what’s going on with them as the series progresses. they used to be completely different as a person, sort of like limey or pilly. they were sent to the realm for a few minutes when they were a kid, even way before daddy long legs was, and from that point dedicated their life to figuring it out. however, during a sort of experiment of theirs that went wrong, they lost an eye and left arm, and were sort of broken by that, it was realised they’d bit off more than they could chew. that was when they became the erasey we know now, laid back and apathetic about most things. not hanger though. erasey loves hanger the way a mad scientist loves their lab rat, but in this case in the non fucked up Im Going To Torture You For Results way. lol

-playdoh

ah playdoh my least favourite one but really that doesn’t mean too much considering i love them all so dearly so i honestly love him too. he has no like psychological reason to be the way he is he’s just. a bitch. like that’s it. he expects everything from everyone around him and for him to do nothing in return for that to be deserved. the realm is his first experience where that is not the case and people are actually opposing him, hence why he’s the most hostile towards rosey and hanger. i like to think hes gonna be changed by the end of the show.

-spraypaint

although i do really like her i dont have much to say except her personality and whole demeanour interests me and i feel like she kinda grew up having to be this dangerous confident figure to even stay afloat for her family n stuff. i do not like the fact that her knife potentially is just laying around on the floor somewhere still

-tissues

oh my goodness this guy. he is my 2nd favourite! i say this about every character but i mean it the most with him when i say i am super excited to see what their whole deal is and what the extent of his powers are and why they seem to know way more than he lets on. i also just really like his personality lol. one of my favourite moments in the show so far is when record said she was warming up for the challenge and tissues thought she meant literally warming up and got all worried that she was sick. them and record remind me of simon and marcy for literally no valid reason

[funkylittledemon]

autism and emotions is so.... well it fucking sucks is what it is. i need my mind to slow down for a second to get all these thoughts down bc i will explode if i dont get them out there (hence why this post - only bee is gonna see this & knows me enough to be worried for more than an hour or so and if i put this where nobody can see it aint actually out there) (wassup bee dw i am okay)

anyway

i say that life is just getting to me rn and it is but thats too vague a statement. current affairs (an impartial term but a useful one here) are getting to me - I'm trying to navigate adulthood while it feels like the life i was promised is being taken away by whatever event you want to pick; global warming, late-stage capitalism, multiple genocides, the list goes on. and I'm one of the lucky ones!! how fucked up is that! so there's that constant stress hanging above my head.

then there's more abstract life: navigating uni and living alone and looking after myself while forming relationships and starting to try carve a path for myself. this one isn't as bad but still can't be ignored and the fact that interpersonal relationships have become so scrutinised through social media doesn't help. no matter the insecurity you have or your own specific factors there will be someone online telling you your worst fears are right - i cant say how many times ive scrolled past a reel saying that i havent had a message back because "he" doesn't care. does the person saying this even know I've seen it, let alone who i am or who "he" is? No!! but the sentiment sticks with you despite only seeing it for 3 seconds before scrolling on, despite logically knowing it can't apply to me because its a catch-all statement to everyone who feels insecure pushed onto us by an algorithm that thinks we want to hear that. social media is feeding into our fears and insecurities and we can't stop it. as an autistic person whos insecure as fuck and who knows they dont understand a lot of societal cues being told by some random person that im right to be insecure really doesn't help - i get the idea of something stuck in my head and bc i know its bs i try get it out which cements it further into my mind and lends it credence.

then there's uni itself - i am now faced with the realisation that everything leading me up to uni and my course has been about me helping other people, often to my own detriment. i chose a counselling course because i was always the therapist friend, the one who everyone else went to for help. and wouldn't you know it I've been burnt out for years and literally don't have it in me to help strangers, or give a shit about their lives. i cared so much and made my entire life about helping other people that i had no idea what i wanted to do. im switching to just psychology now, because it is interesting and i do enjoy it but im kind of lost now i dont have that purpose. it also scares me just how much of my life hadn't been about me at all and im still not sure who i am if im not helping someone. obviously thats the dramatic version but you get the gist. uni's been a wakeup call i wasn't prepared for and theres the work and exams on top of that

christ this is long. okay. what else was there. emotions. god i hate emotions. this is the hard bit. all my emotions are so so big and i am so so small and it feels like they would devour me whole if they could. anxiety is a big one. recently pretty much all ive been feeling is anxiety - a deep anxiety that makes me nauseous pretty much 24/7. last week on friday i had what i call a breakdown. i still dont understand it (which is scary enough - every other breakdown i can disect and point to the cause). i just sarted screaming in the middle of the street and couldn't stop and its making me anxious just typing this up. then there was a day of panic attack after panic attack (lost count after the 4th i think) and then a few days later and some bad decisions (booze. ik i shouldn't have drank but i thought i was ok to drink) i had another breakdown. i dont remember much of this one but it ended in me being locked out and sobbing - security had to let me in and it must've been bad bc the guy gave me a card with hotlines on it. (again, i am okay). i lost my leather jacket that night which both sucks bc i loved that jacket and also the fact that it's gone is a constant reminder of something im ashamed of. after that it was just this constant nauseating anxiety, occasionally spiralling into something more but not significant enough to include. the thing about me and emotions is that my strategy for dealing with them is to ignore and repress them until they're not my problem anymore. which is bad. but idk how to cope with them healthily and when i feel okay i never know if its because i repressed them again or because i genuinely feel okay. being around other people helps but thats probably not a great thing - i hide my emotions from other people to avoid being a burden. not that its always a bad thing that my friends make me feel better its just not a sustainable approach to constantly avoid being alone. i have this constant struggle of feeling emotions so intensely then feeling shame because of how intensely i felt those emotions or how they made me act.

going on from emotions fucking me over and moving on from Life being an issue anxiety is a fucking bitch. all my life I've felt like an outsider and so constantly nervous about everything. it was hell and then in 6th form i made friends who were so so confident and i finally started to relax a little bit more and not feel bad about taking up space. uni was even better! i had flatmates i loved and i was going out doing things I'd never dreamed of and i was making friends!! i barely recognised myself and i loved it!! then the breakdown happened and i was plunged headfirst back into the old cycle of anxiety and going back to that after feeling what life could be like? that was worse than the breakdown. it feels like ive never felt worse and the knowledge that theres no reason for it, that nothing had actually changed other than me and i could still be out there with confidence but i wasn't was such a crushing feeling it felt like i was never gonna feel okay again. dramatic i know but the truth.

im home for easter break now and typing this out has helped and going back to my old stomping grounds has shown me i have still changed and i do still have the confidence even if i couldn't access it for a hot min. I'm still anxious but thats okay. my emotions don't have an all poweful spell over me and anxiety can suck my dick. there's still the fear that I'll go back to uni and it'll all come rushing back however im just gonna see how this break goes. im gonna be alone whether i like it or not while im down here and if i can manage to be okay with that then I'll be fine. and i do have a support system both here and up at university.

[momiamtired]

chapter 2 so they think im cringe. i will never be able to see my friends bc i will be able to leve canada onlt after 4 years bc of this stupid and random biometrics shit and i had only chance of meeting them this summer but now its all pointless bc of a random canada government decision. i want to pee so bad and this stupid american bitch is washing her ass for 2348493 hours with stupid pop childish music in the background gosh. i lost 700 dollars recently idk where or how i genuanly dont know its prob my roommate but im not sure so basically yeah and im reallt sensitive about losing money so yesterday was a fun day to me. my stupid mind is doing some crazy shit and tries to convince me to believe in karma or god idk basically its if i will think that everything will be bad then everything will be good but i should genuanly believe it all will be bad and i just go back n forth with this idea always going on on my minds. i have a couple of different templates of how this world from my mind' perspective works but im too tired to think ab it. ig every time i think that its just what it is its just how wolrd is and nobody is giving me a happy time after all of this is over as my mind always tries to constantly tell me i guess its just too painful for me. i want to believe that i will be happy in a short time. i want too. but every day i wake up and some awful shit happens to me. its awful to be extraverted and i dont have friends here. i hate this fucking bitch PLEASE leve i want to use toilet wtf is wrong with u. pleeeeaseee im all sweaty npw bc of how i want to pee. i noticed that they wash themselves so rarely here. idk why my roommate smells just awful and she is 22 and she never washes herself so at night when i have troubles sleeping i also need to smell her beatiful aromas and im gonna be silent ab her mouth like she never washes her teeth how can u have so many man and smell so awful and be so nasty. anyways i dont reallt know what to do? i lost my motivation to even live( but not to eatt i will never lose it i have ed) i just dont want to do anything to see anything to feel anything i just want to die and be reborn. i dont believe in reincarnation but being able to not feel anything is better than living how i live now. i never cry but i cry here really often. like a couple of times per weak? i never cry literally never. that bc my coping mechanism is trying to find a decision and i will fucking find this decision even if im gonna die but rn there is no decision there is nothing there is just finnish studying than good luck to being lucky for finding a place to live and a job and if u wont find a placce to stay u will have to sleep on a bed with a roommate who washes herself once per weak and stole ur only money. and even now my mind is trying to say to me that i will be fine and the situation will be better! but fuck u it wont be better and i know it because there is no fucking hope left here there is literallt nothing left no fucking move will make it better NOTHING will make it better. im a fucking psychology major wtf is wrong with me. i just cant believe how cruel the life is and how awful it is and how i just couldnt ever think it could get that bad. its just all of my failures they are so random and its not even my fault in any of those! and as i told u my mind again tries justify everything that is happening to me like no just think ab it!! no way it can be this awful right? no way this all could happen to u just like this and without a happy ending! yes it can and yes it happened and im tired of expecting something good to happen to me i just want to die pls why do i have parennts it would be so much easier. i would love to leave this hell and so study to europe but we already spent SO much money on only this first semester so i cant even imagine how can i justify going back home in my head, in front of my relatives. i hate myself

[lord-explosion-baku]

Opia Night 2

Vampire!Shinsou x reader

Warnings: alcohol mentions, mentions of blood, dumb mc, campy vampire bullshit, swearing

A/N: ahhhhh. okay. so. this was a tough write. I think I got stuck because i started taking myself too seriously and then i just started throwing words out left and right. this is very back and forth, no-goal-reached, bullshit. I mean, getting from point A to point B is r o u g h, bro. Im SO SORRY. I was trying to make this natural and it just AINT. she’s messy today and it’s fine. Gotta just post what we can when we can lmfao. SOO! I’m aware that this chapter isn’t good, but I do hope that you find it entertaining regardless! I promise Night 3 will be better!

(PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION)

Night One

Night Two

You woke up to your phone buzzing next to your head on your pillow. Once, twice, and the third double-vibration made you realize that you were not going to be going back to sleep any time soon. Blinking at your window, you groaned at the flecks of dust that were lit up by the golden remnants of twilight. You’d slept most of your Friday away after slaving away on your school work Monday through Thursday. You tried telling yourself that you deserved the rest, but sleeping through sunlight has become habitual to you when you had nothing else going on. When you woke up from your coma, you would usually sleep some more. Usually.

The phone on your bed was alight with three unread messages, all saying something different, but with the same invitation handed out:

Kirishima(7:02): hey :)

Sero(7:07): you busy?

Kaminari(7:15): babe! partaaay tonite!!!! come over!

Again, you groaned.

The last night you’d spent over at their house was a complete disaster. You totally embarrassed yourself by screaming out of nowhere. Or so it seemed to have come out of nowhere to everyone else who heard you; what you thought you had witnessed went completely unnoticed to everyone at the last party. But to you, it was so vivid.

Purple-haired-couch-kid. Fangs. Blood.

You completely freaked and locked yourself in the bathroom. It took both Kirishima and Sero to coax you out after you battled the idea of calling the cops to their house. When you came out, there was a swarm of kids eyeing you like you were crazy. You asked to see Kodai. She appeared. She was unharmed: no blood, no marks, no recollection of any handsome boy who took a bite out of her wrist. Kamianri’s garage-sale couch had been occupied by no extremely handsome man, and there were no purple-haired people to be seen at the party afterwards.

It wasn’t something you could have imagined unless your drink had been spiked, but you thought you were pretty careful when it came to open containers! And besides, who’d want to spike your drink with hallucinogens. Getting you high could have been a prank or someone thinking they were doing the rest of the party-goers a favor, but to what you could tell, nobody else was seeing shit. So maybe you were crazy. Maybe there was no alluring voice speaking to you in your head, and your psyche had suddenly broken out of the damn blue. In the psychology class you took freshman year, you learned a lot about different mental illnesses that cause hallucinations and paranoia. Maybe you had to get yourself checked out.

Your phone buzzed again.

Kaminari: Kiri is gonna be real bummed if you don’t come :”(

Well, that was on him. You couldn’t really imagine why you would receive such a welcome invitation to another one of their parties after the big fuss you made. After you realized Kodai wasn’t in trouble, you stormed home; you lived close enough, so it was fine to leave your car there. You didn’t speak to anyone about what happened afterwards, so you were sure you’d be snubbed by your friends for at least a little bit. You figured that… if they wanted something else from you, maybe the rule of party fouls would be ignored.

You sighed, knowing that even though Kirishima definitely had a crush on you, he was still your friend and a great guy. You couldn’t think bitterly of him just because he might’ve wanted to kiss you on several occasions when you were just hanging out. You did sleep with him once, back in the day, but you both agreed to just be friends afterward. You were… kinda wild back then and didn’t like the idea of having a boyfriend. Kirishima tried to be understanding, but every now and then, you’d see him look at you with those sad, puppy-dog eyes.

There was a bleep! and you saw that you got a Snapchat notification from Sero. You pursed your lips and opened it to see a video of Kaminari singing your name, pushing Kirishima’s shoulder, and a chorus of several people making gross kissing noises at the two of them. You rolled your eyes and were about to close the video, but something—no, someone—in the background caught your eye.

You replayed the snap. There was singing, gross kissing noises, and him—right at the end of the video. He was only there for the last two seconds of the video, but those mesmerizing indigo eyes leering at the phone camera seemed to grab you by the throat.

You didn’t fucking imagine him. You didn’t fucking imagine him.

Sliding the screen to show the front-facing camera, you grimaced at your face. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and snapped a quick photo with the tag, ‘who is all there rn?’

Kaminari’s reply came instantly. It was another video of people hooting in the kitchen taking shots. Sero was sniffing at a rough-looking pineapple and Kaminari was yelling.

“Who is all here right now?!” Kaminari called and cheers came as a response. Kaminari turned the camera to face his grinning self. Kirishima was in the background checking his hair in the mirror. When he saw that the camera was in him, he flexed his arm, the dork. Then, Kamimari threw his arm around somebody, and pulled him into frame. You actually gasped.

“Why, the whole word is here, babe! Come overrrr!” Kaminari sang at you, but you weren’t paying any attention to him. Purple-haired-couch-kid was side-eyeing your drunken friend, but when he looked into the camera, he appeared to be amused. He wasn’t as dressed up as he was two weeks ago; he just had on a plane black T-shirt with the same ropey necklaces. The camera didn’t do his likeness any justice. The shadows under his eyes seemed to be much darker, and his skin was straight-up pale. Still, his gorgeous lavender eyes had you captivated. He was all you could see.

Purple-haired-guy’s ivory arm wrapped around Kaminari’s shoulder. He grinned, the whites of his teeth gleaming dangerously at the camera, squeezed Kaminari against him, and the video ended. You were too enamored to even thinking of taking a screenshot and you couldn’t replay the snap.

You cursed and covered your eyes with your pillow. You really were planning on sleeping the rest of the night away—maybe put on some cheesy soaps you could snicker at before zonking out. But now, it seemed, you didn’t have any choice but to go to the party. You had to see him.

A shower and a quick trip to the liquor store later and you were showing up to your friends’ rented domain with a six pack in hand. You entered without knocking. They never had the door locked; it was a constant open-invitation to ‘Denki’s Dank Crib’ as Kaminari wished people would call it.

You were immediately slapped in the face with human musk and you were glad to be wearing something more light: a white, chiffon top over your sunflower skirt with yellow, scrappy heels. It wasn’t everyday that you wanted to dress nicely, but as ridiculous as the concept was, if you did see the purple-haired-couch-kid… you wanted to look nice.

“Hey, you! Glad you could make it!” Strong arms pulled you into Kirishima’s hard chest. He smelled like sweat and old spice. He held you for two seconds too long, going so far as to rest his nose on the top of your head, before you pulled away, offering him a friendly smile. “Your conditioner smells nice!”

“Hah… thanks.” You grimaced.

“Oh, I’m sorry! That was really creepy! I’m sorry!” A slow blush bloomed on Kirishima’s cheeks. “I wasn’t trying to be weird. I might’ve had a few drinks already and I just… uh…”

Lending him a saving grace, you lifted the six pack up. “Care for another?”

“D’aww, you didn’t have to grab beer!” Kirishima grabbed the six pack from you. “I do love this stuff though! Thank you!”

“I couldn’t come here empty handed. It’s the least that I can do after what happened last time.” You started walking towards the kitchen, keeping an eye out for the purple guy or Kaminari.

“What happened last time?”

“You know,” you said while Kirishima cracked open a bottle, “when I had a freak out?”

“Freak out?” He offered you the bottle, but you shook your head. “What do you mean?”

You scanned the kitchen and saw only a few kids you didn’t know and Sero messing around with some frothy, yellow liquid in a beat-up blender. Looking to your right, you saw that there was nobody occupying Kaminari’s old loveseat. It wasn’t like you were expecting to see him there with what—Kaminari on his lap?—but it didn’t hurt to check.

“Like when I screamed and locked myself in the bathroom,” you said. “Then I left without saying goodbye.”

Kirishima’s brows crinkled. “I don’t remember you screaming or anything like that. You did leave a little suddenly, and I was bummed for like a minute, but that’s yesterday’s news. You’re here tonight!”

“Kiri, I was standing right next to you when I threw a fit. You don’t remember? You got me out of the bathroom.”

Kirishima shook his head. “Are you sure that was me?”

You were positive. You were definitely leaning on him, talking about how you didn’t need any boys, and Kirishima was warm like he always was when you touched him. You turned to look back at the couch and then you saw that purple guy bite Yui Kodai! Everyone heard you!

“You’re here!”

Sero zoomed towards you with two large cups of something in-hand. He gave you a bright smile and offered you one of the cups. “As soon as I heard you were heading over, I started making these! Piña coladas!”

“Oh…” you took the drink and gazed into the glass. It was yellow and mushy. Thinking back on your original theory—being drugged—you gave him a tight, closed-mouth grin. “What’s in it?”

“Uhh… Pineapple, coconut rum, and ice?” Seeing the unsure look on your face, Sero hastily added, “the pineapple was close to expiring, but I tasted it, and it’s still fine! Promise.”

“Did you even blend it right?” Kirishima asked, peering into your cup. “It looks like it’s breathing.”

“It’s not my fault our blender is janky!” Sero shot back. “I’m not the one who’s always making weird, keto-friendly protein shakes with, like, kale and shit added in every morning like some sort of psychopath.”

“It’s not crazy to be looking after my body. In fact, you could learn something from me!” Kirishima poked Sero in the ribs. “Skinny.”

“I’m not skinny,” Sero argued, flinching away. He lifted up his shirt to reveal his tight, well-kept abdomen. “I’m lean.” Sero smirked when he caught you staring.

“Alright, well, our girl only deserves the best service, and this ain’t it, chief.” Kirishima reaches to take the atrocity out of your hand, but seeing Sero’s dejected face, you pulled away.

“This is fine,” you promised warily. Beside yourself, you took a sip of Sero’s sloshy creation. You got a big chunk of pineapple in your mouth and chewed the rum out. The parts that weren’t chunks were all watery, like you were drinking straight rum. You forced yourself to smile. “It… tastes good at least.”

Sero was ecstatic. “Lovin’ your look, by the way. Yellow heels look good on you.”

Kirishima rolled his eyes and placed a hand on your back. “C’mon, you don’t have to be nice to him. Lemme make you something good in the kitchen.”

“Oh, wait, Sero. I wanted to apologize to you too!”

Sero raised a brow. “Apologize?”

“Yeah...” You turned your head from Sero to Kirishima, hoping for any sign of recognition. “For freaking out. Screaming. Locking myself in the bathroom. All those good things.”

“Oh,” Sero said. “Yeah, well, you’re forgiven.”

“So you remember!” You beamed.

Sero’s hand went to the back of his neck. “To be honest, I don’t remember a lot about the last party. I think Denki broke a table—“

“You helped him break the table,” Kirishima interjected.

“—aaand someone stole my good bong? That’s it. I’m sorry you had a bad time, though. Hopefully you’ll have more fun tonight! Kaminari bought a karaoke set. It’s got all the shitty songs they’re playing on the radio right now.”

“Where is Denki,” you asked, looking around. Damn it, if nobody remembered you screaming, at least you could count on Kaminari possibly getting the name of the kid who he had his arms around in that video he sent you.

“Off somewhere being a dumbass.” Sero waved his hand absently at the crowd of kids in the living room. “You wanna smoke? I just got a new bong and it hits pretty smoothly. Or maybe you wanna try karaoke? Though you would probably wanna get a couple drinks in before that, huh?”

“Ah, maybe later. I just gotta find Denki.”

“Why?” Kirishima asked suspiciously.

“I just gotta ask him something…” you pulled out your phone and dialed his number. It rang three times before getting to his raunchy voicemail. You scoffed.

“He could be up in his room,” Kirishima suggested.

“With a chick?” Asked Sero, amused. You made a face and Sero quickly corrected himself, saying, “I mean… with a nice lady?”

“Who’s to say.” You took a sip of Sero’s special beverage. It was gross, but you were here, and probably getting a little annoyed. You came out, so you might as well try to enjoy yourself.

“I’m sure he’ll come down eventually. If he really is with a girl, he’ll be down soon, and he’ll be hungry,” said Kirishima. “Hey, I’m gonna be ordering a pizza. Any topping preference? I was gonna get a few and wanted to make sure—oh, hey!! Bakugou!”

Your eyes followed Kirishima’s to see some grouchy-looking blonde kid coming in from the front door. You took advantage of both Sero and Kirishima greeting the guy with high-fives and fist-bumps, and made your way into the dining room where kids were playing a drinking game on a broken table.

You chatted a bit with a few kids you hadn’t met before, a girl whose name you forgot from the biology class you took last semester, and some guy who was so drunk you couldn’t comprehend a single mumble that rolled off his tongue. Nobody seemed to know where Kaminari was. Nobody seemed to have seen any boy with purple hair and an angelic face...

You scooted past three boys who were playing some stupid slapping game and into the living room. You sat down on the couch and checked in on your phone messages. It’s been two hours since Kaminari last texted you to come over. You thought about shooting him a text now, but—

‘Do you realize that all of the air in the room goes out when you walk in?’

You choked on air, as embarrassing as that was, and looked up, expecting to see someone who spoke to you. Nobody was paying you any mind for Kaminari's shitty couch, but you knew you heard that titillating voice, and it wasn’t because you were crazy.

‘Such a pretty little thing to be left all alone at a party. Did you lose your fan club?’

“Actually, I chose to sit here by myself,” you said aloud, minding the few people who actually turned to see you talking to yourself. You shrunk back into the couch and pretended to be taking a video of yourself.

‘Well, I’m sure. It’s a comfortable couch, afterall—better when shared.’

Oh, so this voice was a dirty, little thot. You clicked your tongue and texted Kaminari. ‘Hey, I’m here. Where are you?’

Kaminari(11:02): side yard.

Hopping up, you headed for the sliding patio door.

‘Eager to see your babe, babe?’

“Oh, shut up!” You hissed while walking outside and a girl watching a beer pong game frowned at you. You weren’t sure, you thought that you could hear a chuckle in the very far back-end of your head.

Kaminari was in the side yard, thank god. He was leaning against the house, staring absently at the side gate. He was alone, not on his phone or anything to keep him busy. He was just standing there.

“Hey, Kami!”

Kaminari barely turned his head towards you when he said, “hey...”

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you! What are you doing hiding away in the side yard?”

“‘m just chillin’. Waitin’ for my friend…”

“A friend?” You asked. “Kaminari, are you okay?”

“Of course,” Kaminari said, still staring at the side gate. “I’ve never been better… it’s a nice night…”

You stepped out in front of him. Kaminari didn’t meet your gaze; his yellow eyes were hazy and blank. You waved your hand in front of his face and he didn’t even react.

“Kami…”

“It’s a real nice night,” he repeated dreamily. “I‘m waiting for a friend...”

“What friend, Kami? Who are you waiting for?”

“Uhh… Dunno. He just left…”

“What does he look like?” You asked, growing impatient. Kaminari wasn’t the brightest, but he was never really this slow. There was something wrong with him.

“Hmmm… like the moon…”

“Denki.”

“...”

“I saw you near a kid with purple hair and a lot of jewelry in some of the snaps you sent, Kaminari. Do you know where I might be able to find him? He was at the last party too.”

“Yeah... That’s my friend…”

Thank god, thank god someone else knew who the hell you were talking about. “Do you know where he went?”

“To get a snack…” At that, Kaminari cracked a grin.

Fangs and blood flashed in your mind. You clenched your teeth together. If you remembered correctly, perhaps purple-haired-couch-kid’s idea of a snack wasn’t suitable for this party. You grabbed his wrist. “C’mon, let's go back inside. You need some water.”

But when you turned back to your house, you bumped right into what felt like a brick wall. But it wasn’t a brick wall. This barrier was a person whose ivory skin practically glowed an eerie white under the moonlight. This barrier was a person whose indigo eyes scanned you like a marauder finding his treasure. This barrier was a person whose flushed lips tugged up into a smirk when you shrieked.

Your stomach sank when he laughed at you after you leapt back and against Kaminari’s chest. Kaminari placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, as if he was trying to be reassuring, but his touch was too light and vacant to do much to calm you.

Goosebumps crawled up your skin when you took in couch-kid’s sudden appearance. You were mad at yourself for thinking that even though he was frightening in the dark, his sharp jawline was practically begging to be nibbled on.

Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with you?! You couldn’t be thinking about hooking up with strangers that bite while Denki was high and everyone else was forgetting shit! You shook your head and scowled.

“Sorry about that… didn’t mean to scare you.” Your heart did a little jump at hearing his voice for the first time. At least, you were pretty sure this was the first time you’d heard it. It did sound oddly familiar, but you couldn’t quite place it.  

Couch-kid held out his hand. For a second, you thought he was going to shake your hand, but then you saw that he was holding a wrapped cereal bar. Froot Loops. “Here you go, Denki.”

Kaminari’s arm snaked through the opening between your arm and waist to grab the treat. Your body nearly vibrated from being only just a couple inches away from Couch-kid’s finger tips. His arms were nice—white and long, but strong, with a few prominent veins running up them. Did he drink weird, keto-friendly protein shakes with kale and shit added in them like Kirishima? Why did you care?

“Oh man, thanks Shinsou. I was starting to get dizzy,” Kaminari said, unwrapping the sweet treat. You heard him crunching from behind you, and you don’t know why, but you were suddenly very irritated with his presence. You shouldn’t have been. There was obviously something going on with him and you should’ve been wanting to help him out, but then, you really wanted to be alone with Couch-kid. The thought just made you more agitated.

“Not a problem,” Couch-kid—Shinsou—purred. He didn’t look at Kaminari when he spoke; he was eyeing you.

“Shinsou,” you said, pulling at the hem of your skirt. Did he remember you? Did he think you were dumb for staring at him without saying anything for so long back at the last party?

“That’s me.” Shinsou grinned. This time, he took your hand, rather than offering his, and kissed the back of your wrist. You honestly would have swooned if you didn’t see him do the exact same thing to Yui Kodai just a short while ago. Still, his cool lips making contact with your skin made tiny electric currents shoot up from your arm, to your neck. You shuddered. “I don’t think we’ve officially met. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“The, uh… pleasure’s all mine?” That was what they said in the movies, right? Cheesy soaps, whomst? What a weird thing to say, anyways. Even still, as silly as that old-time greeting was, he could’ve easily said something as ridiculous as, ‘charmed, I’m sure,’ and you still wouldn’t have been able to muster out a bark of laughter like you would with literally anywhere else.

“Denki, didn’t you say you wanted to go sing some karaoke?” Shinsou asked, his eyes still on you.

“I did say that,” Kaminari said, taking another bite out of his cereal bar. “Karaoke sounds nice…” And without any ceremony, he started walking. Sliding past you, he made his way down the side of the house. Just like that?! He was going to leave you with a stranger?

You called, “wait! Kaminari... are you really okay? You were acting a little funky just a minute ago.”

“Mmm, yeah, I’m fine. I just really wanted cereal.” Kaminari wiggled the now empty bar wrapper in the air. “But Shinsou took very good care of me…” That faraway look returned to his eyes when he said, “I’ll catch you later, babe.” With that, he was gone, leaving you alone with a guy who simultaneously made the hair on the back of your neck stand up and your heart melt with a quirk of his brow.

Shinsou’s eyes scanned over you, up from where your hand was bunched up in your skirt, to your torso, your collar bones, your lips, then back down to your neck. Unease settled over you when his eyes finally met yours and you had to quickly look away. You wished that  you were anywhere else in the world. You also wished you could think of something, anything, to say to him, but asking about Kodai seemed to be so wrong to you, at the moment, and the last time either of you had interacted, you were about to hop into his lap!

Finally, you mustered, “do you know if he smoked anything? He really wasn’t acting like his usual self. I’m worried something might be wrong…”

“Not to my knowledge. He might’ve had a couple drinks though,” Shinsou said. There was another long pause, and you fought your brain to come up up a normal conversational topic, but Shinsou beat you to to the punch. “Is he your boyfriend?”  

“What? No!” You still couldn’t look him in the eye as you answered. You hoped that it was dark enough to be able to hide your flushing face. “He’s really just a friend.”

“He calls you ‘babe’, though.”

“Yeah, well, if you put a skirt on, I’m sure he���d call you babe too.” You shrugged. “He’s just a flirt.”

“You weren’t wearing a skirt at that last party,” Shinsou mused, which gave you a little rush. He remembered you. “And he still called you babe.”

You pressed your lips together to keep from smiling, but your humor rang out in your voice when you asked, “are you interested in him or something? Because I can go get him back for you, if you want. I’m pretty sure he dated a guy our sophomore year.”

Shinsou clicked his tongue, amused. “It’s not him I’m interested in. Not really my type.”

“Right, right,” you laughed, gaining more confidence. “Well, I haven’t seen Kodai here tonight, but I think I have her number saved. Would you like me to give her a ring? It’s the least I can do for you taking care of my poor, dumb not-boyfriend while I was away.”

You reached inside your purse to grab your phone. You really would have called her, but before you could even touch your phone, Shinsou’s fingers were wrapped around your wrist. You almost yelped. Shinsou’s fingers were much cooler than his lips were and it surprised you.

“I knew you were jealous,” he remarked darkly. Immediately, you yanked your arm free, but that only prompted him to grab your wrist from a newer angle. You narrowed in on him, ready to bite—he was someone you didn’t know grabbing you, so obviously you had every right to—but as soon as you gazed into his eyes, you were lost.

His pupils were abyssal; so dark that they appeared white. Looking at him, your body felt cool—numb almost. Beyond any control, your body relaxed which made you lose your tight grip of Sero’s shitty piña colada. You didn’t even care about the cold, sloshy mess splattering over your heels.

Shinsou backed you into the wall, his stare intense, his lips parted and amused. He planted his free hand on your arm and took his time running it up to your shoulder, your neck. The tips of his fingers lightly danced across your jugular, the pad of his thumb slowly running up and down the pulsing vein. He scrutinized you dangerously, daring you to move, to run, to scream for help. Not knowing whether you were scared or aroused, you let him touch you, though ‘let’ didn’t seem like the appropriate word. It was like you had no other choice. He wanted to study you, so he would, and you would not object. So naturally, when Shinsou slid his hand to the nape of your neck, you turned to grant him access to what you knew what he really wanted.

He first pressed his nose up against your skin and inhaled deeply. You shivered as he groaned, “I’ve been waiting for you for too damn long. My sanguine.”

When Shinsou’s lips pressed against your flesh, you melted. Every nerve-ending in your body set aflame; you were no closer to fleeing the scene than you were indulging in the sweet sensation that his kiss had to offer. His cool tongue traveled up your neck, sending waves of jubilant shivers down your spine. His fingers hooked around your shoulder as he deepened the kiss. You felt a tingling sensation warming up between your legs that was only a tiny bit eased when he lodged his knee between you. His hand slid down your back where he pulled you on to him more comfortably; held up by his thigh, his arm, and nothing more.

“Nhhh-“ you tried to object, like you should, like you knew you wanted to, but a carnal urge pulled at the strings of your willpower. Whether he kissed you, or killed you, you wouldn’t be able to deny him his satisfaction. You would give him, Shinsou, a stranger, anything he wanted at any given moment.

But when you heard your name called from inside, the spell was broken.  

You tensed. Shinsou’s lips froze against your skin. You felt his hands tighten around you protectively, possessively, and you knew you were in deep shit.

“Kiri,” you whispered despite wanting nothing more than to say another man’s name. Kirishima was looking for you and yet, here you were, in his side yard, with another boy. Perhaps you hadn’t changed as much as you originally thought you had.

“Don’t-!” Shinsou hissed when you tried to pull away. There was urgency in his voice, something unexpected from him. His eyes were desperate and hungry. Terrifying. It felt good knowing that he wanted to keep you, and that thought was more frightening than what you thought was his original intentions. Fingers slid their way to your waist, and Shinsou bowed his head, dipping in to kiss your lips, but before he could, your hand fell on his face.

It wasn’t a slap, no. You literally put your entire ass palm on his face to save yourself from a kiss you actually wanted.

“O-oh god!” You stuttered out. Beyond any responsible control, you shoved his head back. “I’m sorry!”

Finally freed, you bolted a good five feet away from him, back towards the house. Your assaulter gazed at you with surprise, sleepy eyes rounded in a sort of sincere, pitiful way, but you couldn’t let his dejection get to you. You swallowed harshly as you backed away from him and the wall, going against every fiber in your body telling you to stay put, to stay at his side, to let him satiate any and all needs that he had.

The thing is, you would have. Despite not being able to bark out the half-dozen questions you had for him (why do you bite people? Why can’t anybody remember you? Why do I think I can hear your voice in my head? Why the sudden smooches? What the fuck?) you would have stayed with him there, had you not heard your name called a second time.

“Leaving so soon?” Shinsou asked, gaining some composure, though as lax as he tried to make himself seem, there was an imperative note in his tone. “Don’t want to let your fan club down, I guess.” His voice was a shrug. “And here I thought you were going around asking about me.”

That was so excruciatingly embarrassing; being caught showing interest. Did he know how many people you spoke to? You wished you could wither up and blow away right then and there.

You glanced through the glass door to see Kirishima holding his phone up to your ear. A second later, your phone started buzzing. You ignored it.

“I guess I just wanted to know who you were, is all,” you said, a perfectly normal response. That was you: calm, cool, and collected—totally not willing to makeout with extremely hot strangers out of nowhere. “I haven’t seen you around before that last party…” which would be a perfectly fine segue into asking him why he bit Yui Kodai, if only you could will your body to ask!

“So you’re satisfied?”

“Uh-huh!” Not at all. Not at all. But that didn’t stop you from turning back towards the house.

‘Liar.’

Your body went cold. The voice rang too clearly to have been said aloud, but it was definitely his. In. Your. Head.

“What did you say?” You asked, turning back, trying to keep your tone steady. You didn’t know why, but you thought it would be bad if he heard your voice crack or squeak.

“I asked if you were satisfied. We barely got to converse and yet, you’re skittering away after making such a fuss about finding me. Why is that?”

“I’m not skittering away and—hey!” You put your hands on your hips. “You called me a liar just now, didn’t you?”

Shinsou placed his hands in his hips, mocking you. “I said no such thing!”

“Well, no, maybe you didn’t say it with your mouth…”

“What else would I have said it with? My hips?” He smirked. “Are you sure it wasn’t your own conscience calling you out?”

You scoffed. You couldn’t believe he was teasing you!” And what about your conscience?! Do you just go around attacking people’s necks out of nowhere like that as a hobby?!”

“Interesting choice of words,” he chuckled. “No, I wouldn’t say attacking people is a hobby, but more of a necessity. And I don’t usually go for the neck, either. I save that intimacy for victims who are a little more willing…”

‘Really, I wouldn’t want a single drop of you to run down your arms, anyways.’

“Willing?!” You started, incredulous. You pointed a shaking finger at him and continued with, “you really have a thing or two to learn about cons-!”

“Hey!” Kirishima was sliding the door to patio open. “I was looking for you! The pizza’s almost gone, but I saved you a couple slices.” He looked at you and registered the expression on your face. His eyes narrowed as he approached you. “Who are you talking to?”

But when Kirishima looked down the side yard, there was nobody there—just the slushy remains of your piña colada. He bent down to pick the cup up to see you shaken, wordless. “What happened?”

You could only shake your head. Because you didn’t know what happened—you didn’t know anything! Shinsou was there and now he wasn’t, and the more you tried to say anything on the matter, the more the words got stuck at the back of your throat.

“Hey,” Kirishima said, full of concern. He grabbed both of your trembling hands and wound his fingers through yours. That was intimate. Something sweet. Something that was supposed to be reassuring. What in the hell was supposed to be intimate about a guy you barely met narrowing in on your neck like that.

You sighed and allowed your head to fall against Kirishima’s chest. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close while that angry blonde kid, Bakugou, appeared at the doorway, munching on a slice of pizza (probably the last one.) He took one look at you, rolled his eyes, and walked away. Kirishima asked you what happened once more. You said, “I’d just really like to get home.”

“Let me walk with you,” Kirishima whispered. That would be pulling him away from his own party, but he didn’t seem to care about that. The world really needed more Kirishimas.

“Okay.”

Making your way through the house, you saw Kaminari in the living room slurring the lyrics to a lame song, Sero cheering him on while simultaneously recording every word, and Bakugou glaring out the front window. Kirishima quickly told Sero where the two of you were headed which made Sero form a tight line with his mouth. After seeing the stricken expression on your face, Sero seemed to ease up a bit.

Kirishima held your hand while he walked with you. He tried to make light conversation, attempting to get your mind off of whatever happened when you were alone in his side yard, but you couldn’t entertain him with idle chit chat. The entire walk home, you thought you felt somebody’s watchful gaze on you.

TAGS FOR EVERYTHING (CLOSED): @ayeputita @yandere-inamorata @dee-madwriter @unboundbnha @rizamendoza808, @lemonlordleah-shinzawa-kitten @rubycubix@smbody-stole-mycar-radio @zellllyyyy@sarcastictextstuck@kpanime @captain-sin-allmight-queen @psionicsnow@wickedlewicked @ghost-of-todoroki @kattariapenn@im-an-adult-sometimes @bnhya @local-senpai@eggpienutbuttercroissant@usernamekate94 @reyvenclaww @hi-ho-and-hello

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh... we have absolutely FAILED ppl with ea/ting disor.ders so fucking unimaginably bad, especially the visibly underweight ones. and we are still failing them to this day by avoiding valuable education out of discomfort and demonization. its genuinely appalling sometimes, to see just how Dangerously ignorant ppl are about this shit. bros listen 2 me rn. you are not a doctor, and you are Not going cure an ed with your almost laughably ignorant and malicious ‘reverse psychology’ bit where you call someone an ugly skeleton knocking on deaths door whos body needs to be banned from instagram forever, because you’re just ‘so scared theyre gonna die’ or w/e so you can legit pretend they dont exist, holy fucking Shit dude. that shame-and-shun tactic is so unbelievably dangerous. like, if you knew Anything REAL abt these disorders or frankly any mental health issues and cared enough to apply that then you would understand how thats just... pure cruelty. im sorry to be blunt but yeah this isnt a joke, it needs to be said that you are easily going to KILL SOMEONE with that kind of unfiltered uneducated IGNORANCE. it is inexcusably selfish, harmful, and ableist behavior, we have to stop this already.

imo there’s a Lot to be said about the toxicity spiral thats become the pro recovery movement and how much it rejects and speaks over the people its Supposed to support, becoming more about ‘anti symptoms’ than pro anything, but if you are gonna understand Anything new today at least learn this;;; hating yourself at unhealthy is Never ever going to be the key to loving yourself at healthy. being ashamed of yourself FOR being unhealthy, will NOT make you healthier, it’ll make you worse every time. im not tryna be mean but honestly how the actual FUCK do yalls brains work, it is SO wildly damaging to let yourself perpetuate this type of mindset, and then still claim pro recovery or w/e like recovery doesnt have to start at unhealthy??? like itll just happen overnight??? like that’ll help??? like if ppl catch you displaying symptoms of the disorder you LITERALLY HAVE, you arent allowed to talk abt it in any form without intense open negativity towards it and yourself, so ppl know ur definitely totally against it tho and not enabling urself, bc if you dont talk abt ur shame and embarrassment for it that means you arent recovering and need a mob after you??? thats how you think people are gonna get better????

ffs dont try to viciously shame yourself out of bad habits and treat your disorders like taboo, respect and love yourself wholly, the good and the bad, if you want to form better habits!!! ppl NEED to be encouraged to love themselves at unhealthy if they ever want to improve. you are not going to accidentally make them worse by not constantly shaming all their ‘flaws’, they are not MADE of ‘flaws’. by showing support for the mentally ill, you are not fucking supporting their ‘symptoms’, you are a supporting THE FUCKING PERSON EXPERIENCING THEM. and you DESPERATELY NEED TO DO THAT!! there is MORE TO THEM than their symptoms! there are things to COMPLIMENT them on besides their body! its gotten to this point that like. ppl are actually Afraid of just being nice to ppl with eds. they dont even wanna treat them like Humans outside of their disorder, all they see is a disorder. everyone is just SO afraid of ‘enabling’ them by not being vocally against their symptoms that they avoid them like the plague and dont even try to build them up, which is what they fucking need more than anything dude!! 

ppl think refusing to ever let an underweight person feel pretty or love their body where they are at is what they need and will force them to recover, or they think giving them goals like ‘you’ll be so much happier with a bigger body’ and ‘keep going one day you wont look so sick’ is at all different than their own internal dialogue, when the Truth (that people need to fucking know by now!), is that shame with mental health is incredibly dangerous, eds are diverse but theyre most often rooted in starvation as a form of self harm from an unwavering self hatred and feeling of failure or lack of control, one they already have deeply ingrained and will usually feel at Any Size, which is why so many feel unsatisfied and keep going and going till they die. the answer to this problem isnt gonna be inflicting more fucking self hate or pressure. thats gasoline on a fire. you cannot just try and. UNO REVERSE CARD THE ~RULES~ OF THEIR FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER and expect RECOVERY... oh my god dude, please, id laugh out loud if this wasnt so malicious.

listen, if you wanna help, like actually Care about Helping the way you claim the root of your attitude is, you need to make that person feel like they can love themselves, not try to make them ‘realize’ how ‘bad’ they are and how uncomfortable and scared they make you and how Not Allowed their behavior is, bc 1. body dysmorphia is a delusion,,, denial is a common association with addictive/self destructive behaviors,,,, you are going about it wrong if thats the first thing you try to accomplish, and 2. whether you like it or not ‘bad’ is gonna be your first checkpoint! who would be motivated to get better when all you’re doing is giving them an already failing grade and pushing them back??? 

you’re all just... so paralyzed by ignorant fear every time you interact with someone with an ed bc you are so fucking detached from it as a concept, but you wont LEARN how to BEHAVE AROUND THESE PPL! LIKE! and then you claim you act this way ‘because you care'. ok then why do you feel like you dont have to listen or learn??? why dont you see these tactics as needlessly cruel when its explained??? bc oh you cant ‘’’’’trust’’’’ ppl with eds to tell You how to help Them, right??? they’re probably lying, you know better than them ofc. smhhh, every other mental illness community gets to speak for themselves to the ppl without their experiences and therefore the ability to hurt them, sure, but not the sneaky ed people, they created pr.0/a.na/, (the ONLY existing space for encouraging mentally ill ppl in self destructive behaviors, obviously), so they dont know what they need, they have to be Told by Normal people bc their irrational brains are Just Too Broken. (/s)............ like.............?? it is Sooo fuckin prejudiced and disgusting tbh. we gotta do better than this. 

eds are almost completely left out of communities for mental health these days. its seriously so disappointing. if you ACTUALLY ‘care’, then ok you need to swallow your pride and do better, you need to Listen and not let your personal discomforts (genuine triggers excluded!) with their appearance or behaviors get in the way of how humanized and committed your decent treatment of their disorder is. tbr, sometimes you arent just ‘concerned’ about a person, sometimes how you go about your feelings is rooted in your inner urge to validate your own discomforts with them, which means it might end up more about you than about them, which hurts them. i mean for the love of god, these ppl are not ‘irresponsible’ for existing around others with their ~unhealthy bodies~, they are not a walking trigger and cant be treated like one, they arent contagious, they will not benefit mentally from hearing you say you think they should be physically banned from posting selfies or w/e, that isolation WONT prevent eds from ~~~spreading~~~ and will severely harm the person in question, you are not making a heroic decision to try and bully them away to ‘save’ others from ever being around them or save them from being around an “enabling” (supportive recovery/not shameful) community. you are not ‘fixing’ them by making them hate their underweight bodies. you’re LITERALLY just ignorant and prejudiced and ableist, your ideas are actually Very harmful, you are not a savior, you are making it worse, plain and simple. Please just start doing better already, its kind of a life or death situation here

[ziracona]

hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!

[offtopicoverload]

Sooo about that exchange you told me...

One time i was going to my first piano lesson after a while, and i was really excited but you know really nervous. When I go to meet the teacher, we go into a seperate room to practice and see if i want to continue with them. So i sit down on the stool and they start asking me questions about my knowledge on piano, and tells me to show how i play. So remember how i said i am really nervous, well he he... they sit down next to me and play something easy for me to repeat and me being the nervous and anxious mess i am, i totally don't realize their feet on the pedal and i accidentally🙃 k i c k 🙃them. They say, it's okay don't worry, just play what i did. So once again i try and start to play but this time my hands are shaking so i am not able to play very well and i get really frustrated cuz i don't want them thinking i am bad at playing. But of course, i fuck up evenmore so they try to show me by placing their hands on top of mine but can you guess what i did? 🙃🙃🙃 i p u s h their hands away as a reflex 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 by the time i finished the lesson, i was an apologising mess and a red tomato🙃🙃🙃 conclusion i don't think i will be having any lessons on anything, ever again..... yeah, so any galaxy thoughts from your beautiful brain??

(i am so sorry this is so long, if you don't want to answer i would totally understand)

i fucking FEEL YOU ON THAT. im the freeze-up-when-anxious type, but i know exactly what you mean and it’s so awkward asdjhfsdfjk

but dont stop trying to learn, especially things you enjoy, those are so important

as for the galaxy thought, im so bad at broad questions, so im just gonna ramble under the cut lmfao, and if ya wanna correct me or ask something specific, i promise ill get to it sooner this time lol

- im playing the nanny affair right now and its the most confusing thing. im ace and have this weird, dark curiosity towards allos, so ive read some shit, but i can only ever explain my thoughts as 👁👄👁

like what IS THIS???? WHY??? IS THIS REAL???? IS THIS A THING???? THE FUCK????? so. confused.

- ANYWAY i started another fic last night, this time for the freshman and idk why im finally getting around to the idea, but i guess i am

- ive also decided that clover 100% made fun of rocco and his ukulele and his wonder wall singing mercilessly, and i love her for it

- rosie’s really good at wearing heels and hope buys her pairs and then steals them. they also make her giant cuz shes already 5′11″, so she just towers over everyone ajhfksj

- ooh should i list heights? fuck it why not this my blog and bullshit i can do whatever LMAO

violet’s 6′2″ and absolutely not allowed to wear heels, hazel’s 5′5″ but lies and says shes 5′6″, runaways mc is a shorty at 5′2″, daisy’s actually 5′6″, ivys 5′8″ and always wears heels, lilacs 5′7″ and doesn't care at all that shes kinda tall, willows 5′7″ and shes juuuust too short compared to elisa, sage is only 5′6″ but she has tall energy, dahlias 5′4″ and adores it, ash is mega shorty at 5′0″, olives 5′9″ and digs towering over chelsea, clover is 5′2″ but has like 5′6″ vibes, rowans 5′4″ but somehow looks shorter, briars 5′8″ and either very inconspicuous or very intimidating, oakley’s 6′ and the one always getting thing from the top shelf, rue’s 5′9″ but with shorter energy, rylens 5′5.5″ and yes that .5 is important cuz auroras only 5′5″, izzys 5′3″ and it just kinda... fits

- i started reading the stanford encyclopedia of psychology page on happiness yesterday cuz thats where im at rn, but then i got distracted and dont remember anything and i dont know what this is, so im sorry ashdkjf, ill happily answer something more specific instead of this collection of random thoughts as i avoid working

[fairycosmos]

shdhd i’m autistic right,,, and my hyperfixation rn is amberlynn reid but i can’t stand her personality. i really can’t win. just need to tell someone about this cause i’m losing my mind

oh man i fell down that rabbit hole like 2 years ago and i’m still there 😅😅 it’s really astounding especially through a psychological lens. im always checking in to see what concerning or manipulative shit she’s doing now. honestly feel like starting youtube was the worst thing she could’ve done for herself in terms of her health and i dont know why anyone would exploit their well being for money like that. it’s so sad and fucking frustrating. cant imagine having that much £££ and not using it to get the therapy/medical attention she so obviously needs. but i definitely feel you, she annoys the fuck out of me and i still spend hours watching her (with adblock on lmfao), giving myself a head ache....so if you need someone to discuss some thots with i’ll be here !! unfortunately i don’t have personal experience with hyperfixations, i’m more of a compulsions gal, so i cant really advise you on how to stop engaging with them, if there’s even a way.....but if anyone could help this anon out, please let me know 💖