#im just cleaning out my drafts.

[treasureplcnet]

someone on the bodies production team you have to release more layout/bts pictures of charles whiteman's flat please. this is a great start but i need to know him better. particularly if it's got about as much mould as a second year uni house and if he owns as many chairs as it seems LOL

[robertseanleonardthinker]

my take on house's empathy, but i'm autistic and struggle with understanding and perceiving empathy/sympathy/etc so idk if this makes sense

so canonically house has aspd/npd traits (i don't think??? he ever actually got that diagnosis, but that's what nolan said abt him) and bc of that, he has lower empathy. however, i don't think he has no empathy. just less. what empathy he does experience, he struggles to know what to do with it because he's autistic. he doesn't know how to express those feelings. that's why he avoids patients. he doesn't know what the hell to do with that empathy, and he doesn't like that. he doesn't like not knowing what to do, so he avoids empathetic situations in general. that's why he avoids patient interactions

idk if this makes much sense. ppl far more knowledgeable than me r welcome to add their 2 cents :3

[kafus]

ok i've decided i want to infodump about vee and nova a little after all! because uhh not only am i impatient because autism but i also. want to dip my toes into talking about this. just days ago i was still terrified but now i am Tentatively Brave... if i can talk about it here casually like this then i should be able to write a more formal summary later some other time

i've tagged this post appropriately (at least i think i have, feel free to suggest if i should add more) but also a heads up here too before i keep talking that while i'm not going into graphic detail on anything there are STRONG themes of organized sexual abuse of a child, sexual abuse of animals, and grooming! (there are no disturbing visuals in this post, just text)

IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS POST THAT'S OKAY I STILL LOVE U

takes a deep breath alright so the deal with these two. back all the way in 2021, i decided i wanted to make "vent ocs" as in i just wanted some concrete/consistent designs i could use in vent art drawings that weren't a direct reflection of what i envision myself to look like or whatever. i was going through a lot in 2021, in december 2020 i had just gotten my first big repressed memory back and my life was in a whirlwind of change and heavily increased PTSD and DID symptoms, so i was using art a lot as an outlet. in the end i settled on this drawing, based on the design taste i would have had as a young person (god the quality is so old now LOL i've improved a lot but anyway)

i was intending for these two to be just visual designs and nothing more than that but i got attached and actually ended up giving them a whole storyline and everything, which is something i admittedly hadn't done in a long time up to that point so that's cool.

the reason i preface explaining the premise of the storyline with this is because i think it's important to acknowledge that these two are intrinsically tied with my real life and the feelings i experience as a CSA/OA survivor. not because i think someone has to go through awful things to write or draw about them necessarily, but because i am passionate about expressing myself. it's important for me to be seen in some way, to be heard after years of silence. it is not safe for me mentally to share the exact details of my abuse online rn (and please don't ask for them!) but i also don't want these two to be removed from the message that i survived something and this is me making art about that in an abstracted and magical way with a fictional universe that brings me a lot of comfort. i hope this makes sense lol

oh and also with that in mind if you think for even a second any of this is a weird sex thing for me or some shit please stop reading this post and go do something else with your time. this is my trauma expression and i don't need to be compared to the people i was abused by when i was a literal toddler thank you!

AANYWAY so! premise! gonna be point blank with it! vee (not her original name but shh) is born as a normal 100% human girl, aka without the eevee ears and tail. she is groomed from a very young age (like, toddler age) and eventually abducted by her groomers which happen to be members of... well right now it's team rocket because i haven't spent the time to worldbuild a new villainous pokemon organization yet. roll with me here. she is taken to a remote facility out in the middle of fucking nowhere and is never returned to her previous life or family.

Why? well i'm glad you asked! the org is running a bunch of different experiments in this facility and one of them happens to be trying to enable humans reproducing with pokemon. this doubles as both a money thing and a power thing. they seek out a child as the victim of these horrible experiments because children are easily malleable. way easier to control a child than an adult who already has a firm identity/self.

vee is the child they chose. surgery is forcibly done on her to give her working eevee ears and tail, and also like, fuck with her body chemistry and stuff. she's biologically part eevee now. yes this is bullshit pokemon magic science LMAO but she is kept in this facility and chronically sexually abused for a few years by pairing her with various mons and trying to get eggs to happen.

the experiment isn't working though so they hypothesize that giving her a dedicated partner, especially of the same evolutionary line, would help, and they raise nova from birth as an eevee to take on that role. eventually the two of them are paired together. despite the acts they are forced to commit on each other and the abuse they endure, they actually become inseparable very quickly cause like. they don't have anyone else. and also they just genuinely care about each other. additionally at this point nova has evolved into an espeon and has telepathic powers, so him and vee can communicate linguistically with each other, so you know that helps

generally my current focus of this story is in the early years, when vee is 12 and younger, before they start realizing that shit is fucked up and they need to escape (up until that hypothetical point they have been successfully groomed into believing everything happening to them was not abuse/was normal). i have left out a metric fuckton of detail here just to get across the basic premise. i am constantly exploring vee's psyche, nova's psyche, it's like an in depth exploration of the mind of an abused child in horrific circumstances and god it's cathartic. i love these two so fucking much

btw i guess this art has more context now huh haha after i infodumped off the plot to my sister they looked at this art again and was like. OHHH THIS IS EVEN MORE OMINOUS AND HARD TO LOOK AT WITH CONTEXT. AND I WAS LIKE YEAH!!!! YOU SEE THE VISION!!! THE SYMBOLISM!! ETC!!!!

uh yeah if you read this far thank you and i just wanna say i've been building up the courage to talk about these two for GENUINELY two years, it has been over 2 full years since that initial drawing, and i am nervous and jittery posting this but i do not want to die without having shared my work with the world and i'm willing to take the risks to get my voice out there. so you reading it is very much appreciated ur like my first step into being more confident as a survivor lol

oh and fwiw despite these guys being so correlated with my trauma it's not offensive to make headcanons or ask me questions about them or compliment darker art of them however you want, in fact i love that shit!! please i've been holding these guys back for two years i have so much to say that hasn't been said. as much as i am nervous i am EXCITED

[pokeberry5]

PLS what is the story/lore behind the tim insomnia art piece (w/ him holding the bloody batarang) the angst looks SO GOOD

ngl it's been a while so my memory of the concept behind insomnia is spotty, but for more artsy pieces like this it's less about the lore or specific situation and more about the visuals/feeling to me? so it's more that i have a scene come to me and i build that out (<- me trying to explain that i dont have elaborate lore lol)

so the context i came up with to justify the scene is tim being overwhelmed/semi-dissociating, caught up in the problems he's been running from as tim drake using robin an escape, unable to deal with them, and trying not to think about the fact that half of those problems are caused by the fact that he's robin, that he has a secret identity, and that he's going through it in ways he can't explain to people not in the know -> hence, tim clutching the batarang both as something to ground him and as something that's hurting him

i had also recently read silverwhittlingknife's post about tim as a watcher, especially when he's first introduced—the set of panels where tim is just a set of eyes definitely informed some of this ("some" being the panel with the giant eyes lol) (pls read swk's meta their stuff is always so cool)

i think? i also pulled the aesthetic of the bloody batarang from an old scrapped piece i never posted bc i didnt like how it turned out (it's like. from when i first started drawing tim) so some of that is there

this was like. one of my first attempts at more comic-style dramatic lighting and yeah damn i've come a long way. again! i dont know what's happening here, i just wanted to draw tim bleeding, clutching a batarang, and under some dramatic lighting

(this is also. beyond what you asked but: i think this shows how much my design for tim has changed since my initial conception of him--he had much straighter/longer features that have really softened up, which i think you can see most in the nose. and no moles!)

[whump-queen]

found this in my drafts is this anything

[a-wondering-thought]

Do you ever just read a post about something in life, maybe about a small beauty or kind strangers or someone expressing their feelings about their love for life or a million others and just think like "woah, you captured the beauty of that thing perfectly, you put this enchanted feeling i get when thinking about this into words" yeah.. because i'll love those posts forever

[osomuppetsan]

[elegyofthemoon]

me: idk i just feel like aris doesn't really need a backstory. he can just be a dude who is just very touched by peoples stories who come by his office, living through others, etc.

brain: youre literally just making st//ahl fire e//mblem. you do realize that right

me: :D ah.

[theygotlost]

still the funniest thing to say to your boss/work bestie after he tearfully comes out to you

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Uuuuuugh so my laptop broke bad a few days ago (the charger literally snapped off inside my computer) and that was the way I got a lot of stuff done on Tumblr, like filling the queue and writing longer posts, plus thats the best way I get fic writing done too... It's killing my productivity man 😭😭😭

[mrpenguinpants]

Hey, that one person. You didn't see shit. I didn't post a thing. We keep this between the two of us you hear me

[espers-n-espurrs]

im convinced that some of the “punks” on here arent real punks and are just assholes hiding behind the punk stereotype without knowing what it actually means to be punk

like some of you lot call yourselves punk but your just being stereotypical shithead posers

anyways what it means to be punk is to not be a dick to your community, genuinely being kind to others, fighting against social norms and The Man, coming together as a community, and a whole lot of other stuff that doesnt involve being a dick

and im not saying a punk cant be a little mean im just saying that mean should not be your entire personality

i literally grew up in punk central lads and have seen all forms of punks !! this is not the way !!

[izzy-b-hands]

There's a man vomiting loudly outside (potentially in our parking lot, but I'm deeply in an overstimulated autism thing rn and i simply cannot be arsed to get up and check)

I would normally, but there's already a man out there interrogating him and like. I'm sure he's well-intentioned, but I lost my shit at his opener of 'Hey buddy, you having a good day?'

He's being violently sick in public; i think you can assume he's not enjoying this day.

[trixibebe]

oc x canon ~ I love you - I love you too