#im just here to collect serotonin and go

[unclefathersantateddy]

I GRADUATED TODAY!!!!!! I WAS PART OF A VERY GRANDIOSE CEREMONY AND IT WAS INCREDIBLE. ALL MY HARD WORK HAS PAID OFF, I OFFICIALLY HAVE A DEGREE. IM A SCIENTIST!!!!! IM GOING YO CRY (vpos) FOR THE FORSEEABLE FUTURE. I DID IT!!!!!!!!

It's not entirely Bob's related but I made this blog to cope with the stress of doing a Bachelor's, this blog only exists as a form of escapism from the super heavy workload I was under. All those times I was convinced I was gonna drop put or fail, I posted vents to here and you all supported me when I couldn't support myself. I am so eternally grateful to every single person that pushed me to draw silly Burger doodles. Every like, reblog, comment etc on my Burger Bool drawings, or Fresh Meat au posts, all of it. Every single one of you has given me serotonin when my brain couldn't make it naturally. Words can't express just how important all of this has been to me and every single one of you that has engaged with me in the last 2 years has been a part of this tremendous life milestone fore.

I'm grateful for you all and I wish I could repay you even a percentage of what you've done for me. You're all incredible and I wish you love, light, and prosperity for the rest of your individual and collective lives. I love YOU!!!!!!!!

[triggerthy2]

click for full image :3

MY UNCLE ACTUALLY GOT THEM FOR ME

trigger rant down here VVV

how? no goddamn clue but he's awesome and I'm so happy. hope I didn't stress him out too much with the very strict time limit he was given in the shop.

had them meet my Sebby plushie too :3 (2nd photo)

BUT HOLYYYY hell he actually managed to grab them for me. The fact I'm getting my Gabriel acrylic stand and bodypillow sometime early 2025 is gonna be a great addition to my growing ULTRAKILL collection. Aaa I was seriously so happy I could cry. Today was decent, honestly! Yeah, I woke up late and spent most of the day making bread and went out for like an hour and a half to hang out with some old friends who were randomly near my house but this was seriously the cherry on top. Yes, I'm tired from today, like most days on break but MAN I've been looking for this huge dose of serotonin. Good lord I hope my uncle knows just how happy I am (sent him a text with a crazy selfie of me with them).

They also came with really nice bags! (I forgot what they're called, the type of bag I mean) I can use one of them to carry my rockclimbing stuff next time I go :))) Also get to show off a cool bag and be reminded of whats waiting for me at home... seriously still amazed that he even got these, THEY SERIOUSLY SOLD OUT IN 3 MINUTES EVERY TIME THEY DROPPED IN THE SHOP?!?!? also gotta shout out my uncle for having no clue what I was into and probably has no idea what ULTRAKILL is but he still delivered. He was also the only family member (despite him not actually being in my family) that i requested the plushies to on my Christmas list because I know he wouldn't judge me if he took a gander in the store (talking about the bodypillows and bootyshorts they sell) and he would also support whatever series im into because he is also into a lot of series of video games and animes and what not. He's seriously awesome.

so sorry if you decided to read all of this, i just needed to express my joy.

[punderdome]

I just want to say I adore your The Fine Print fic <3 You have no idea how much joy and serotonine re-reading this fic gives me and it makes me sad i cant leave kudos on ao3 every single day🥺

Each time I read it I can picture this version of Raphael go-feral to this point he turns into his ascended form If anything threatens Tav's safety (weeeell maybe not another devil, because he needs to secure his place in hells society, but other creatures? im sure he would tear them to pieces)

anywaaaayz thank you agan for this heav..i mean hell-sent fic ❤️

Thank you so much for all the kind words! I really appreciate the compliment and the support.

Don't worry, I haven't stopped writing it! I should be able to get chapter 15 out really soon, the last big part that I still need to write is a smut scene. Raphael definitely loves some marital shenanigans, especially now that he understands that it is fun when your partner is enjoying sex.

Thank you for all the support, and I love seeing everyone here on Tumblr collectively drooling over our fictional devil man!

[gojonanami]

https://www.tumblr.com/gojonanami/757338367766724608/sometimes-i-just-wonder-if-what-im-writing-is-any?source=share

When I tell you my eyebrow twitched FOR. REAL. What's this murderous intent I'm feeling?

*hands you a cup of tea very respectfully* Hi sab, babe, you've been doing EXCELLENT work. I seriously still don't get how you manage to write SUCH LONG FICS and post CONSISTENTLY. We are being fed with SUCH HIGH QUALITY, WELL WRITTEN FIC EVERY WEEK. That's a LOT. And that's why I'm always worried you might be overworking yourself :(

I mean, being your long term reader means i automatically ADORE your writing, but if your own writing style doesn't make you happy anymore it means you MIGHT wanna take a break to get some inspiration? Honestly, whatever fits you best Sab :( {I'm saying this because taking a good break has helped ME with creative blocks in the past!?}

Just please know that we'd all be here, cheering and waiting for you no matter how long it takes (if you do decide to go on a hiatus or so) okay? Give yourself a break, looks like you need it sweetheart ♥️

Yeah? Now that we've settled this 😊....oh! you can have my birdie 🐦 for extra serotonin boost!! *Hands you the birdie and tea carefully*

Take care!! 😙

.

.

.

*turns around* now that Sab is gone....👿

*cracks knuckles* 😈

PROF GETO FANCLUB GIRLIES WHERE Y'ALL AT? Your representative is calling for you 🗣️

Our time has come. Get all them weapons we collected to fight prof geto haters out in the air, looks like we've got ourselves a stupid case here. 🤨

Words won't be enough for this anon, we'll have to throw hands. THIS IS NO DRILL. GET THEM ARMOURS OUT 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥

🤩 anon (you. YES YOU better know you're appreciated or else- 👿🫵)

I love you wifey 🥹💕

thank you bb — I appreciate you so much. I try my best with my work and that’s all I can do :) and I’ve come to terms with that this week.

I’m fine! Honestly that’s why I have taken a break — I know it looks like I haven’t but I honestly haven’t been writing as much as I usually do (I usually write 1K every day, and lately it’s been more like maybe 250 words)

honestly this anon did a good job at targeting the fear I do have of being recycled with my writing and that people would lose interest. but I know it doesn’t matter because I enjoy my work. and that’s what’s important!!

hahaha not the prof geto girlies 😭

love you babe I appreciate you so much 💕🫶

[coolsosha]

HAHA, YOU THOUGHT I WAS DRAWING CARD REDRAW, BUT I WAS DOING GIFS!

THIS IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE CUTEST THINGS I'VE EVER DONE WTF IT'S SO CUTEEE

HERE IS A SONG FOR YOU, AND GO ON AND LOOK AT THIS SHIT

I was bored and made gif with Sosha and Asmo. Then i got addicted and have 10 of them now

im scared of how much serotonin i got from this thing.

-Heyehyehye, Asmuah, wanna have a... uuuh, smol XXS orange orphan?

-...Mandarin? Sorry hun, im busy, you can eat this oneee~

[click for 9 more of those]

-Oooh, Asmo is in the news again! ..heeey, the thing is about me! but why there is no picture of meeee?! I need to make a interview better than this! Sosha supremacyyyyyyyyyyy~~~

-Huh, Sosha definitely needs to practice with making post names...

-Sushi! Close your eyes or you will get shampoo in them!

-But you look so cute- AAAAAAW I HAVE BEEN ATTACKED BY THIS SOAPY AND LIQUIDY THING RIGHT IN MY HEART, THATS IN MY EYES!!!

-Told you~

-Yes! I knew that Jessica will be with Jeremy! They are such a soulmates, don't you think, Sushi?!...Ah, you fell asleep again, aren't you~

-zzzzz......naw......zzzzz

-Aw, so peaceful♡...............................................

..........................Oh wait i still have to do my night skincare routine......fine, you can sleep 10 more minutes and i will get up.

-Draw me like one of your french girls!

-Bonjour, croissant, Marriette, Eiffel tower, Pasta, Mario, Luigi.. wait no, thats italian. Anyway, LESHPUA LETTE PIAIA MIVIVO ZHETE IMEJO PO LE VO PA IJIJO METE ACOLFLAUYA ZUTA MI ZHIZO LETE(poorly sounding Ratatouille song)

-So-

-LET ME COOK.

-Sosha, you can't be in Demon form, Author-Sosha didn't post your backstory yet and you are making a huge spoiler and a plot hole, darling!

-Shut up im a moth(respectfully)

After Princess Asmo was rescued from evil goblin King Beel by a group of brave heroes, Princess was kidnapped again! By the evil demon named Sosha! He trapped princess in his castle and not letting him go! ...but, seems like Princess doesn't mind?

-Damn, how did you even tricked me into posing for this. i look like a hoe!.... in a good way

-i mean, you helped me with designing this collection, so it would be infair to not-put you on front page with your precious Asmo-chan!....how can you possibly be a "hoe in a good way" though?

You will say "Sosha(author), Sosha(oc) is a self insert OC for sure!" NO IT'S NOOOOT, this ass has backstory, and his personality is bigger than mine, so comparing Sosha to me is a pathetic comparison~

Sosha: I will make a comic about Sosha!

Sosha later: I will make a tumblr posts about Sosha!

Sosha now: Probably i will just write his entire lore in one post and will forget about it

Sosha in future: I will just burn him in fire.

[bates--boy]

Peter was going to have to drag himself out of this slump soon.

Boxes had been sitting for weeks in whatever empty corner Peter could shove them in, collecting dust and being gnawed and clawed on by Jack and Rosé. They held the new samples for fabrics and cuts for next season's clothing line, ones that he was going to have to evaluate and give feedback on soon because his Crooked Crowns partners can't keep postponing the launch show; they were either going to move on without him (which sucked even if he was still getting paid) or cancel the show altogether.

He needed to reply to at least one, just one, of the emails that flooded his inbox, to grab at whatever business deal or artist collaboration his agents laid at his feet (but he was sure that many of those doors were closed by now.) He needed to return some phone calls, especially ones from Mike so he wouldn't ride Peter's ass for his many absences. He needed to shit, it was too much!

Peter laid his phone on his chest and pressed his hands into his face, He couldn't do this, this fucking spiraling. He hated how that one day, those damn letters that solidified the torment, cracked him, made it so easy for all of his other ghosts to slip in and make his days dark. The faces won't go away; even now, Peter saw them as he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. Shit was sucking him hollow, leaving him with nothing to put into his music; he felt like a puppet onstage at the very few live shows he hadn't cancelled, empty and stiff and tired; the drafts of his new novel and short stories sat untouched, and his literary agent has since long stopped breathing down his neck about those goddamn deadlines Peter didn't give a shit about.

But worst of all, he missed--

The prodding came sudden, shocking him frozen. But he softened immediately and opened himself up. He could shake from the sweetness and innocence as Sadaf slipped into Peter's mind, her lovely face brightest and most real among those of Lady Celeste, the boy soldier, and Marion. Sadaf was supposed to be napping, judging by the soothing Latvian hymnal music playing somewhere in her room, but here she was, filling Peter's head with things she doesn't know the words for.

Peter's gentle hands. Warm lavender bubble baths. The sweet lilt of Peter's singing voice as they swayed in her favorite rocking chair.

I miss you.

Keeping his eyes closed, Peter lowered his hands and folded his arms over his stomach, taking a shaky breath. He smiled and fed Sadaf

Gurgling coos and toothless smiles. The honeyed scent of milk and the perfume of jasmine soap from being so close to Ashira. Dark, downy hair that was feathery soft on Peter's chin when Peter kissed it.

I miss you, too.

Peter shut her out.

He opened his eyes to watch the ceiling above him as he was sucked hollow once more.

You have to be the shittiest father ever.

Peter would have argued that that was fucking unfair, because wasn't he still getting out of bed to take the kids to their appointments, paying for their tutors and extracurriculars, and even hosting them in his house, and they weren't even his? But that was such a piss-poor argument, and he knew it. He knew that Pakiza and Hasan could feel the distance, the coldness, because Peter was once them an unloving family ago. He couldn't keep doing it to them.

Time to crawl out of this.

First, he was going to need some serotonin. Peter turned to his side and held his phone up to his face. He tapped open Instagram and typed in

little atrocities

Peter still hadn't figured out when or how this new name for his fanbase came to be, but it tickled him when he found it, one of the more popular tags alongside #attrossitty and #attyparty. There were over five thousand new posts since the last ime he had checked -- not exactly Beyoncé levels, but enough to scroll through for an hour or two until he stopped hating himself. One of the very first posts he saw was a fancam reel with a rosy, dreamy filter of him and some K-pop star named Sun-Kist, and it took him an embarassingly long time for Peter to realize that it was a shipping fancam (Peter briefly closed out of the app to make a Note to look this Sun-Kist up and chat him up for a collab). There was fanart of Peter dressed as a drag queen Marie Antoinette from one of his shows. Next was a clip of Peter in the costume, with one of his backup dancers skipping up to him and ripping off the bountiful skirt from his hips.

On and on the posts went, photos and fanart and music covers. He was careful to avoid the hate, of course, but Peter was getting drunk off of it, this outpouring of the adoration, slowly not feeling like the worst person in the entire world.

Peter almost skipped a photoset when he saw that he was specifically tagged in it. Normally, he would be forced to skip posts that he was tagged in to avoid legal messes, but this was neither someone's original song nor someone's costume designs they saw him in, not a request for a brand partnership nor a hate-filled spiel accusing him of "falling off." It was just a selfie of a young woman. A baby, actually, couldn't be older than fifteen, with a heart-shaped face dotted with freckles, a swoop of deep red hair over her hazel eyes, her whole being glowing as she was having the time of her life.

Skimming the caption, Peter let out a soft laugh.

"Finally got the boomer to come to a show! He did not like being out so late, but it was fucking lit! He said he wants to catch another show if there's one before seven, lol. #newlittleatrocityrecruited."

Peter swiped through the photos of the girl dancing, singing along, waving a rose vine-themed scarf that she purchased from his merchandise shop. And there he was, the geezer himself, smiling thinly as he entertained his daughter (granddaughter?) and her stan behavior, his arms crossed as if trying to hold in his warmth in the chilly air. Poor dude, Peter chuckled as noted how the man looked ready to curl up where he sat, exhaustion clouding his eyes.

His brown, crows-feet eyes that tickled the back of Peters' head, that started wiping away the small grin on his face.

"...Wait..."

Peter sat up slowly, his own eyes widening as he stared at the man in the photo. Brown eyes, brown, round eyes, now sagged with age. The tickle in the back of his mind has spread, materializing into prickles eating along his arms, sickness filling his stomach as he painted over the gray on the man's temples and thick mustache with an auburn sheen, plumped the man's sagging cheeks and jawline, smoothing the wrinkles and slimming the shoulders. Back and back the clock went, as Peter sat frozen, a bunny caught in the stare of a snake's brown, sweet, warm eyes --

[oasiscanyon]

if i have to scroll past another ten paragraph essay explaining in explicit detail why a post is funny or linguistically interesting im gonna go absolutely feral

[xamvjay]

Can you maybe do Toji x f!reader riding him? It's fine if not btw :D (I'M 19 BTW)

|Ride me - Toji x afab!reader|

**WARNINGS: contains smut, explicit language, and sexual themes. MINORS DNI although I know yall horny out there reading it**

The picture above is NOT MINE and goes to the rightful credited owner.

All characters mentioned below are NOT MINE and belong to the Original Creator/Author/Illustrator.

This piece is a work of fiction and is pure imagination and is not real and does not involve in the original story/timeline.

Genre: smut, romance

cw: switchTOJI!?, switch afab!READER?!, fem!reader, exhibitionist, voyeurism, PDA, not proofread sorry folks

A/N: first ever req im getting (and i'm thrilled af pls) – thanks anon <3, i'm assuming yall loves dilfs huhhuh. and YES absolutely! AND WHYD THIS TAKE ME 4HRS LMAO IM SO BAD WITH THIS buttt here ya goo and enjoyy ~

wc: 3.3k sheesh -----------------------------------------------------------

‘And I’m done!’ I thought happily, appreciating the way I looked, shown by the reflection. Twirling a bit as I spritz some of the DIOR J'adore Eau De Parfum on myself and sigh happily at myself. Today was a special day. Today was the day when I finally got hold of my boyfriend, Toji who seemed way too busy with the odd job that he never told in detail. We planned a date after struggling to match with our hectic schedule giving no chance and decided that today was the day. Smoothing little unnoticeable wrinkles from my satin, black skater dress I slipped inside my cheetah print full sleeve jacket. A beautiful, plain diamond jewelry settled nicely on the base of my neck which was paired with a pair of simple dangling earrings.  

Combing through my hair that I styled with my utmost effort, I reached out the lip gloss in the shade of power red and swiped another coat on my lip and correcting the smudges and maintaining a gradient look. My eye makeup was rather done simply allowing my bright eyes to be the star of the show. Grabbing the purse that was sitting idly on my bed, I slipped my phone in but not before I checked the time. 6:55 PM – it read. I had a couple of minutes before I head out. Going to the small walk-in closet I turned over to choose what footwear will it be today. ‘I’ll just match with my jacket’ I thought mindlessly and bent over to take the high-block heel. Switching off the lights that were open, I took a glance once more at my well-maintained apartment and decided it was time. Today’s venue happened to be the cinema and it was perfect because I was able to get hold of the tickets for the most anticipated movie in my opinion – Top Gun – Maverick. Locking my apartment, I trotted over to the elevator and entered it while humming away at a random tune. A familiar ding was heard, and the doors slid, either way, revealing the exit/entrance of the building. Greeting a ‘have a good evening’ to the nearby staff I walked over to my car and revved up the engine.

Today Toji had some personal things to deal with so he said he wouldn’t be able to join me on the ride on the way to the cinema and said he would reach there on his way. Shrugging the sadness away as nothing when I heard that since he never broke any promises and always showed up one way or another was reassuring. A podcast played in the background from my open radio as I drove to the cinema. Today the city looked incredible. It could just be my happy mood, or it was always this extraordinary. The city lights blared from all directions, blinding your eyes in a good way. The level of serotonin I got from the view of the bustling people carrying out different activities was really thrilling. A group of musicians cheerfully played their best tunes while the crowd formed praised away. Smiling slightly, I focused on my driving.

Today’s gonna be good.

Parking my car at an empty spot I found I climbed out of my car, making sure I collected my belongings and switched off the engine, and locked the car. Checking the time once again it read 7:22 PM. ‘Oh great, I’m not late.’ I thought and strolled into the cinema and was introduced to a large hall filled with full of movie posters and stations packed with various flavoured popcorns and different soda machines all lined up. This time, the cinema was quite packed compared to other days. Families, couples, friends, and numerous groups of people were scattered around the place. Drifting my eyes from the crowd I performed a slow 360o spin and admired the neon lights that were running across the walls giving it a bit of a club vibe. Whilst spinning I accidentally bumped into someone but not too harshly but rather a soft one. Without looking I apologized several times and was ready to walk away until that person spoke with a hot breath next to the shell of my ear. “God was definitely showing off when He created you huh.” That voice. It was a perfect balance of clear but rough pure masculinity tone. I whipped my head immediately to that person and engulfed him in a big hug. “TOJI!” I squealed in happiness as I looked up, peeking through my lashes while his towering figure looked down on me. “Hey, babe.” There was a soft smirk drawn on his lips while that scar was stretched ever so slightly due to that motion. His black hair was shaggy as usual covering his eyes a bit. I stepped back and looked up and down at his attire. And boy did he look SEXY.

A black full-sleeved dress shirt was worn paired with black slacks. The first couple of buttons were undone from his shirt and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. A hand was tucked inside his dress pant pocket while the other was brushing on his hair. There was a black band ring that sat comfortably on the index finger of his right hand. Flustered slightly at the way his strong muscles were hugged by the black shirt. It was evident he was a built man. Every move he did there was a slight ripple and strain in those carved muscles I’ve witnessed under that shirt. It almost felt like the clothes he wore was just a second layer of skin. Going closer to him I whispered enough for him to hear. “You look really good tonight, a little too good.” I stated humorously giggling in the process and to hold of his free hand and dragged him into the cinema hall #4 where the promotions and advertisements were playing already.

The room was completely dimmed down while there was in built small circular lights on the stairs giving a nice relaxing illuminating glow. I choose the furthest row at the back so we can comfortably have a view of the full screen. There were very few people at that row, only two people were sat at the very far end from our seat. The below row was also empty to an extent as well. sitting in our respectable places I told Toji I was to collect the snacks, but he urged that he would do so. After exchanging few words of who should go, he won and left the room before I could argue anymore. Huffing slightly at his sweet acts, I sat rather graciously and settled my items, so I was relaxed. Few minutes passed and Toji appeared cradling a large popcorn bucket alongside with two cups of cold drinks, one being my favourite and a bag of other snacks hanging off his elbow. Helping to keep the items safely and not creating a mess, he soon joined me, and the movie finally started.

Around sometime in the movie I felt Toji excuse himself to the restroom which I nodded unconsciously since I was so focused on the movie. Few minutes passed and soon I realized he still hadn’t appeared. I decided not to give too much thought too it and opted to hang around for some time before I gave him a call. Few moments passed he came back looking rather disoriented. The light from the large, displayed screen showed how his shirt was more undone. There was a layer of sheen sweat on his Godly built chest. He plopped down on the seat and manspread-ed, occupying the entirety of his seat. He was slightly more slumped against the chair and his right hand was placed lightly on his finger; his expression tells me he’s in some deep thought.

“Babe? You alright? You don’t look too good.” I spoke out with great concern. Lifting my hand, I pressed against his forehead was felt extremely hot. Snatching my hand away I glanced at him with worry. “You are developing a fever!” I quickly got up only to be pulled down immediately with his arm wrapped on my arm. I fell atop him, my chest near his vision. Blushing at the odd position I was in, I wriggled from his grip. “Toji, what’re you doing!?” I exclaimed quietly. “I got this fever because of you.” He spoke lowly. What? I caused his upcoming fever? Impossible. “You’re gonna have to elaborate more on that but do that later when we bring that fever down.” I said sternly, trying my best to break free from his grasp but no luck. Couple of seconds passed and he gave no response but just staggering breathes were heard. “Toji, darling what’s wrong?” I muttered out softly. I brought my hand after gently convincing him that I’m not getting up and caressed his face. “Ever since I laid my eyes on you, I got so fucking hard it was unbearable.”  I gasped at his confession and locked eyes with him. “Darling, you were so focused in your movie I couldn’t disturb you. So, I thought I could take care of it myself.” Poor him. He was dealing with all this all alone without me knowing.

“Babe, you should’ve told me. I could’ve helped you; you know.” I spoke sweetly whilst my hands slid down his chest ever so slowly until it reached the problem. I softly caressed his hard on and kept a fixed stare on his face. “Babe– fuck, please help me…” He gently pleaded. How could I not help him when he laid there in front of me, looking so helpless. How sweet it was of him to not disturb me when watching the movie not knowing I’d drop anything to help him. Grabbing his large rough hands, I led them to run my hair over and hold a makeshift ponytail. I settled on the carpeted ground and unzipped his pants and stared at it. There was a wet patch on the dark, tight boxers he wore that hugged onto his pure thick muscular thighs. Freeing the hard dick from the strains, there it stood proudly. The tip had an angry shade of red – thanks to the light coming from the screen I was able to appreciate his dick properly.

The cockhead was leaking generous amount of pre-cum which dribbled down uncaringly. A thick vein ran underneath the shaft and made its way to the thick, large fat balls. Licking my lips at the delicious sight, I looked up at him once more only to find him looking back at me with such intensity in his green eyes. He bit his lip as he let out a low groan. “Fuck, you look so good down there.” The grip he had on my ponytail was tightened and pushing my face to his hard cock. Preparing my mouth for the abuse I kitty licked the tip and kissed the sides. Sucking the tip like a candy I stuck my tongue out and allowed myself to wrap the tip carelessly. I slipped the cock to entire my hot cavern and the part that didn’t fit I wrapped it with my hands. Pumping with my hands and I bobbed my head up and down I fought back the gag-reflex. I looked at him through my lashes as I kept my cheek hallowed and kissed the tip several times. Spitting the built of drool on the head, I kept pumping his cock and once again swallowed his dick.

“You look so fucking hot right now.” He spoke with a low pitch and letting occasional groans. Thank goodness to the blaring speakers of the movie hall, it masked the erotic sounds we were producing. Suddenly my head was yanked back harshly as he came closer to my face. A finger was stuck in my wet mouth, and I sucked it, swirling my tongue. Toji tightened his jaw when he saw how obedient I was being. A smirk broke out as my eyes land on those pink lips of his that was adorned with that scar. “As much as I’d like to fill your mouth with my cum and have you kept it till the movie’s finished, I think I’ll use that pussy of yours instead.” His voice was rough and hoarse but had a hint of degradation.

His hand motioned towards his thick thighs, and I gulped at the sight. “Get on my lap, now.” He ordered with a gravely tone. Nodding I sat immediately on hard thighs. His right hand that was in my mouth was now removing my panty and was completely removed. Feeling the cool air hit my bare cunt I gripped onto the arm rest wondering what he’ll do. “Don’t make a fucking noise, got it?” He spoke right next to my ear as I nodded. His free hand wrapped around my neck and had a slight tight grip, enough to cut out a bit of oxygen. “Where’s your manners? Hm?” He questioned threateningly. Nervously I answered “Y-yes sir.” A satisfied hum was heard, and my underwear was now a small ball and was near my mouth. Getting the idea, I opened my mouth, and the panty was shoved inside. “Very good.” His voice so husky, his tongue licked my jawline as he brought my back against his hard, chiseled chest.

The finger with the ring was wet presumably from his spit and now made his way to my cunt. His thighs nudged my thighs to open up more. His hands were carrassing my inner thigh as he teased my pussy but not quite relieving any pressure.  All of a sudden, he stopped his actions and moved around a bit, most likely removing something from his pocket. “Open it.” He whispered hotly and gave it to me, which I obeyed and opened the black case. There it was a purple clit vibrator. I gasped at what I opened but that went unnoticed as I had a makeshift gag ball in my mouth. He then took it from me and then placed it on my clit., nestling it and making it fit right. Squirming on his thighs at this foreign object contacting my pussy was kind of exciting.

“Relax darling, it’s just a vibrator.” He reassured and kept it there for some time while he held it. Few minutes later he proceeded to whip out the remote and there he played with the controls going from low to high intensity. Immediately I thrashed a bit at the random, sudden sensation I was dealing with, but Toji was quick to stop my movements and had me attached to his back. His free hand roamed around my torso until he it massaged my covered breasts. He slipped his hands under the dress and then tugged the bra under and kept teasing my tits. He flicked, pinched, rubbed circles and pressed on the hard nubs of mine. He did the same with my other boob switching hands and felt the cold ring tease my hard ass nipples. Moans were escaping my mouth but were muffled by the gag. My hand went to his cock that was right under my pussy, which was rubbing it, making it hard as fuck.

“Shit, if you keep that up, I’ll fuck you right here, right now.” He stated with few light groans releasing into the warm air. I moaned at his words and pushed my hands to have a faster pace. I want him to fuck me right here. Having a hundred or two sitting in the same room, shrouded with darkness with nothing but just the projector as our light. Anyone could catch us. We could get caught. We could deal with the securities but that’s what made my pussy clenching on nothing. I let out some words but were intelligible. “What d’ya say sweetheart? You wanna get fucked right here? Like a dirty slut? Hmm?” He questioned one after another, his tone had a patrionising tone. I nodded as fast as I could and urged his hand from my breast to go to my gushing cunt. A deep chuckled reverberated from his chest. “Well, do it yourself then. Use me while fucking me. C’mon darling ride me.” He spoke lazily as he flipped through the intensities making me groan and break out into tears. The thought just past my head. Riding him in a public place, sitting innocently on my boyfriend’s lap while no one knows what was actually going on. That he was practically rearranging my guts.

I lifted my hip and used my hand to align his hard leaking cock into my fluttering hole. Going down I felt him practically rip me open. He was so fucking big it hurt deliciously. Once he was fully inside me, barely sat comfortably as I felt his cockhead kiss the opening of my cervix. Looking down there was a bulge formed on my tummy where my uterus would be. “I filled you up so good, didn’t I?” He spoke to himself and tapped on my thighs to start moving. I slid up and down much with all the energy I had. This kept going on for maybe around ten minutes and Toji just sat there, doing nothing, his eyes were on the movie while he mindlessly switched intensities. Letting out a whine and tears of frustration came out as I couldn’t reach the high that was seconds of breaking open but not quite there yet. “What’s wrong baby? Can’t cum? Need my help?” I nodded but he still sat there looking at me deeply. Soon he removed the gag from my mouth. “Use your words.” He spoke with a bored expression while his face rest on his palm whilst his elbow rested on the armrest.

“Y-yes sir, p-please mmmhm I wanna cum so badly.” I pouted as I squirmed once again. His hands than held onto my hip and helped me to move up and down while simultaneously he pistoned his hips inside me deeply and accurately managing to hit that favourite spot of mines. My gummy wet walls wrapped around my cock as I felt my high coming closer. He set the vibrator at a high setting and alongside with him brutally hammering inside me was really pushing it. Groans and moans escaped quietly from both of us and mingled together. The slapping noise was there but thanks to the climatic scene that was playing, the speakers were blaring with all sorts of loud noises. Few more thrusts what caused the tight knot to snap and caused me to squeal out loud. The dress had already fallen back, concealing everything while couple of people below us had turned around, trying to find where the noise had come from. His warm cum painting my walls white as the remote was switched off to stop me from overstimulating. I rolled my hips, grinding and milking the remaining cum of from his shaft and squeezed Toji’s balls. “Fuck, you better keep quiet if you don’t want to get caught.” He snapped while tugging my hair making me fall backwards.

After two or three minutes of cockwarming and him softening up, still semi-hard he removed himself and helped me sit by the near seat. The soaked panty that was held in front of me and Toji, he smirked and assisted me in slipping it back on. “Don’t want that precious cum leaking out now, do we?” He spoke smugly, his vibrant green eyes were clouded with various emotions and one being is lust mixed with affection. It was slightly shroud with his jagged hair that stuck to his forehead due to the sweat. He tucked himself in and got up disposing the waste in the spare bag he brought. He enclosed the vibrator and slipped it back on his pocket. The movie ended alongside, and the lights returned, brightening up the place. As he stood up, totally towering me he leaned down and stole a wet kiss from me, his gorgeous veiny hard hands swiped away presumably the smudged lipstick from my cheeks and chin.

“Get your ass up, I’m not done with you yet.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[bettimbellis]

A Collage (of Yelling)

I saw someone do something like this to advertise their fic- they linked the fic, and then put in a little collage of various comment snippets. I can’t find the post to show off- someone please do let me know if you’ve seen that, I want to credit them. 

Either way, my Hollow Knight post-Black-Egg-Temple fic (linked here) has 209 comment threads on it. I’ve gone through and found some bits. These bits were mostly chosen for entertainment/intrigue value out of context- a lot of my favorite comments didn’t get in. 

Got some good reviews there, I think. Anyone wanna see the collection I have of Discord screenshots from folks yelling at me about this fic?  (Seriously though, thank all of y’all who comment, yell in the tags, whatever- I love it. Really helps keep the writing muse going, too.)

Image descriptions below the cut. 

[Image ID: a collection of bits of text placed on a light green background, in several groups. Text is as follows. 

Excuse me who gave you the right to hit me with this line at seven in the morning”, with an arrow pointing to the left. also it feels like there are many things to be concerned about lmao  God, Hollow is such a poor baby. A lanky wet cat left in the rain. Hollow, that feeling is love, dear, no need to feel so confused about it. Hornet, my sad dumb little spider baby, go to bed. in summary holy shit this is fucked sounds like stressTM can these characters stop being so relatable good Lird *smacks my face* Hornet. Hornet. the fuck HOLY FUCKING SHIT [all caps] It was so soft!!!! And then it became *so goddamn angsty-* *squints harder*  Wet rag is my new favorite character. *thunks my head on a wall* Gosh darn it Oro course you had to have integrity But also OW MY HEART?! SHATTERED?1 POOR BABY HOLLOW IM GONNA CRY Gosh dang. The last chapter was a little lighter, but apparently you were just holding back for this one.  (Chp. 3) I stg this whole chapter made my emotions whip back and forth between “awww :)” and “awwh :(” and “oh. Oh no baby do not think like that”.  Augh. just, augh. / ...except that bit at the end. ...except that last sentence, ‘cause, yeah. / *hides face in hands* this has been exhausting for everyone, apparently. Hollow knight or: when you are so touch starved that your standards for touch that you want are somewhere in the abyss that has spawned you.  Whatever the FUCK happened in the last section is Oh Lord Oh God What The Heeeeeellll Ohhhh My Goood No Waaayyyy... Will be waiting for the next chapter STARING at ao3...

i was so relieved to read this that i accidentally put my phone in airplane mode trying to respond “it is startled out of its pleasant memory-” pLEASANT???? PLEASANT!?! Hollow no. HOLLOW NO- / why does this for some reason almost feel like fluff.  My urge to keysmash at you is strong Just. God. Everything about this is so fucked in so many ways.

Something about this line just makes me want to. Maybe stab the king in the chest. Repeatedly. And then throw them off a bridge. Idk Actually many things about this chapter make me want to stab the king in the chest repeatedly and then throw them off a bridge. Because *holy shit* Hollow, honey, you have so much trauma. OMG ghost, what have you done [stressed emoji] Okay then. Well. Um. That’s a lot to happen.  God it’s such a mess Ah yes, the eldritch nonsense trying to approximate a living creature, my beloved PK you ass. PK you absolute ASS get over here I wanna hit you with something heavy-  oh / im immediately punched in the face okay thank you for that Right off the bat I am mildly excited about this chapter solely because you played with text formatting and that makes my serotonin levels rise. I don’t know why but thank you for that.  CONFUSION SOUP I’M FHDHDJFKFKGH I wanna join the cuddle pile :<<< let me in [holding Hollow gently in both hands] / I will get you all the fresh-dirt-scented soap Fucking superb you funky little vessels. Oh boy! Spiraling!

Oh this chapter hurts ‘specially bad. Because it wasn’t enough to be possessed and neglected and quite literally tortured and driven insane, now we gotta have more medical issues and amnesia-  I fuckign cried at this one, oh my god. Pain is always a tearjerker, but it’s nothing compared to someone who’s been in pain so long finally getting that first big moment of *realizing they’re wanted* and *heard* and *healing*  And I gotta say, (this is gonna sound bad) I really do love Hollow’s victim blaming. Or how it’s written. I love how you write characters in pain <333 “Oh, just a quick chapter to read before bed,” I thought to myself. “I will enjoy it and feel a normal and manageable level of emotions about it.” / ...Thanks for making me all teary in the wee hours, now I’ll never get to sleep! (...I mean this as praise.) Oh. Oh Hollow. So wrapped up in the need to be useful. So incapable still of seeing that their own gut-wrenching familial love might be returned in kind, whether they have some designated purpose for their existence or not.  Yeah. Relieved. / Oh, Hollow... You have already left kudos here :) [three times] / Have I ever been told the definition of insanity?  honestly the body horror was the /least/ disturbing thing in this chapter. not to say! that it was not disturbing - even then, less the horror and more the. context. i want to punch TPK. into a lake. that is on fire.

First comment of my first reread, and MAN. This opening hits just as hard the second time.  Keep in mind Hollow Knight was made by Australian people Hollow 100% deserves a nice date at the palace if they so wish. anyway, I feel very emo about Hollow, all the time.  HOLLOW IS LETTING THEMSELVES HAVE WILL, LET’S GOOOOOO Ghost is doing Fine:tm:, Hornet is doing Fine:tm:, Hollow is *actually* doing pretty well Good news! Hollow is an emotional wreck!  Hornet is doing sooo normal right now (lying).

TLDR; amazing story, glorious update, poor Grimm, I Am Desperate For Shield Lore, someone please tell Ghost it isn’t their fault, the entire gaggle of siblings needs a group hug, I Am Going To Put The Pale King’s Corpse Through A Shredder, and Hornet needs another good cry. 

anyways fuck you for writing this keep it up

[dameferre]

I posted 4,902 times in 2021

336 posts created (7%)

4566 posts reblogged (93%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 13.6 posts.

I added 6,089 tags in 2021

#qew - 4197 posts

#art by artists - 669 posts

#watch this - 231 posts

#elle answers your questions - 214 posts

#atla - 210 posts

#anon - 150 posts

#zukka - 136 posts

#t.t - 98 posts

#black sails - 95 posts

#sokka - 89 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#‘it’s just one of those areas yknow. like there aren’t enough poc living there so all the food sucks’ and she was like ‘mmhmm i getcha.’

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

happy prince phillip is dead day to my mom, who when i showed her a page of ‘prince phillip is a walking corpse’ memes said (after she’d finished laughing) ‘all of those people are going to feel so bad when he actually dies’

290 notes • Posted 2021-04-09 12:41:09 GMT

#4

i know no one asked and im never gonna write it but my comfort fic this week has been one that only exists in my mind, which is... just a collection of zuko and katara moments

zuko coming out to katara, bc she’s got accepting mom vibes, and katara gets to experience the sweet euphoria of hanging out with a dude, who is not related to her, without worrying about him being attracted to her in the slightest

sokka proposes to suki, suki accepts, zuko cannot understand why it feels like his entire world is crumbling around him but katara can, and she and toph distract him for a bit

zuko and katara comforting sokka together after suki breaks off the engagement

zuko giving a speech at katara and aang’s wedding

the slow progression of zuko and sokka best friends to lovers as seen by katara, who at one point sits sokka down and says ‘you’re my brother and i’ll stand by you no matter what, but please for the love of fuck be sure about this before you get zuko involved. dont risk your friendship if you aren’t 100% sure’

zuko telling katara he plans to propose (katara cries)

katara giving a speech at sokka and zuko’s wedding (zuko cries)

just a thousand little moments of the two of them bonding over how ridiculous and wonderful the loves of their lives are

most crucially, katara and zuko doing some diplomatic thing together or whatever and accidentally getting stranded together. and then katara goes into labour. i cannot express how much serotonin i get from the idea of zuko. zuko. helping katara through labour. and by helping i mean letting her squeeze his hand until she breaks a finger (she’ll heal it later) and talking him through delivering the baby. he cries more than she does, and probably passes out. i think i personally deserve this scene

it probably ends with zuko and katara, helping each other through grief after both sokka and aang pass, but im not trying to make myself sad here this is a happy imaginary fic about best friends okay

378 notes • Posted 2021-04-15 22:34:06 GMT

#3

ok this is nonsense so don’t take it too seriously but my friend just reminded me that before the panaderia hit her 2020 mission was to sleep her way through the alphabet (she got to h)

so now i can’t stop thinking about sokka who makes the same resolution one year and asks zuko ahead of time to fill the ‘z’ slot because “who else am i gonna hook up with? some asshole named zach?” and zuko laughs it off at the time but then slowly realises he. might not be entirely opposed to that.

and then hijinks ensue as zuko tries to rush sokka through the rest of the alphabet by way of overly enthusiastic matchmaking and simultaneous aggression towards anyone on earth with a name that starts with ‘z’

385 notes • Posted 2021-01-25 21:21:31 GMT

#2

people of colour, for fucking lifetimes: white supremacists in america are dangerous terrorists and if they go unchecked they will try to bring about the downfall of our democracy

white people, today: wow?? white supremacists?? in america?? are DaNGerOus??? terrorISts??? and they’re trying to bring about the downfall of our democracy???????/????????/??/?//?

592 notes • Posted 2021-01-06 20:37:28 GMT

#1

What You See You Might Not Get (art by the incomparable @sebsketchs)

Five things Zuko learned about Sokka, and one thing Sokka already knew about Zuko.

a zukka star trek au for three days of zukka week 2021 prompts! 5+1, hurt/comfort, and free space day bc it’s about as au as it gets

1267 notes • Posted 2021-03-21 02:49:16 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

you thought u can escape my live reaction you thought wrong haha

Magnus had always been surprised by how easily Alec could forgive people.

like every alec will forgive easily. even imim!alec after traumatizing his problems were like you go on with your life i with mine live love laugh

Clary shoved him gently and then nodded. "You weren't here to give us notes on how to deal with them."

alec's guide on how to deal with the lightwood siblings: bail them out of jail, provide the occasional cuddle, dont ignore brunch

"Hi, honey. I'm home." Alec joked with a smile on his face.

wouldnt it be iconic for magnus to replay "hi home im magnus" back

His boyfriend raised his head from his lap and pouted at him. "I want to talk to you some more."

me collecting pouting alec like crumb cuz of secret reasons magnus was folding here but i absolutely would lmaooo

He showed Magnus the tongue like a child and strolled towards their bedroom.

Magnus laid on the couch and put both his hands behind his head. He waited for a few minutes before he heard footsteps coming toward him and found Alec standing in front of the couch with an even bigger pout on his face.

they are insufferable

Alec was always very loud in bed, always screaming and moaning, letting Magnus know how he felt.

headcanon that magnus like to make alec scream oh wait thats actually canon i refuse otherwise

“You’re allowed to move on if something ever happens to me.” Alec said after an hour of silence.

this is the worst pillow talk ive read in history alec what are you doing also excellent foreshadowing

"Yes. Nothing I can't handle."

top ten moments before disaster

Alec took a deep breath. "Ragnor and everyone told me some things."

top five moments before disaster

Magnus exhaled loudly and threw his hands in the air. "Alec!!!!. Live a little. Stop being so boring."

top three moments before disaster. also i relate to alec cause too many call me boring but like im too bored out to care

Rachel frowned at him. “Magnus is not at the studio.”

its not even disaster its an apocalypse at this point its all crumbling down so bad

“I’m here baby. I’ve been here all this time.” Alec exhaled. “But you—you just don’t see me anymore.”

this sound like break-up talk but also the most dramatic break-up talk ever alec has to turn around to drop the mic hes a chaotic gay

Magnus let out a dry chuckle. "Yeah. It's not like a building fell on you."

if your ex boyfriend hasnt had a building dropped on his head when trying to save your fake fiance, are you really living?

It's not how Magnus would ever want their last words to be.

but isnt it funny if alec's dead and in heaven the angels look at him and what his final moments and like thats rough buddy

"Who are you?" Alec asked in his direction, and Magnus stopped breathing.

k-drama lead convenient amnesia serve lets gooooo

Alec's eyes crinkled at the corner, and suddenly the confusion was replaced by a grin—and he started laughing.

or not...little shit alec my beloved

"He can stay with me." His voice rang around the room.

i can hear the audience cheer and clap and collective sigh in the background. im sensing a sitcom. alec the impatient patient and magnus the tired of this bs. they communicate in stares and when they say something hurtful the audience put a censored sound over it

next on survive breaking your ex's heart while you're living with them (first alec, second magnus)

I missed your reactions so much lol. They give me so much serotonin lmao.

“Hi home. I’m Magnus.” PLSSSSS. This is so stupid and soft at the same time lol.

Also yes they are insufferable. And will continue to be so in every timeline.

Alec always was, and always will be a chaotic gay. You’re going to love him in the actual breakup scene lol. + little shit Alec supremacy.

The top ten/five/three moments before disaster made me laugh so hard bro.

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh OIKS ROUTE

a/n: this,,,, is probably the angstiest out of the routes and i seem to only write angst for oikawa and i think its a problem

this is for @what-a-creative-username​ bc oikawa is their favorite seijoh boy so this is for you 🥺

and actually buckle your seatbelts bc this is my longest work and its the biggest mess ever :’) also, this is kinda all over the place soooo

anon:

- May we have an x Oikawa ending to the Manager AU?

- okaayyyy so this is a request for the manager series. please pleASE PLEASEEEEE- make a oikawa ending! 🥺 cuz he’s my favorite and all those times with him in the story feel like more than just friends

OMG IM SORRY BUT MY INNER OIKAWA SIMP THAT I NEVER KNEW WAS EVEN THERE STARTED TO PEAK THROUGH

so basically yea

as seen in a lot of the parts,

oikawa is very,,,, loving towards you

like his entire demeanor was just so different and so,,, authentic,,,, than the ones he shows to other females

maybe it was because you didnt want him in the beginning?

the moment he saw you, he did his first antics and he expected you to turn red and fluster and cutely shy away from him 

yanno the works

yet you gave him a stony stare and denied him

ofc he was hurt and a little offended bc were you rejecting him?

hes never been rejected before and he prides himself for that but you just did and continued to do that

so he made it his mission to make you at least feel something for him

like the period part or his random proclamations of his love for you

he did it all

it didnt matter if it would bite him in the ass later because he was impulsive and he wanted you to show yourself being affected with his charms

because he was the FREAKING OIKAWA TOORU

ong this is like his validation that he is still a ladies man and has a charm that couldnt be resisted by anyone

he constantly told you that he loved you to see a reaction from you and he always was touching you whether it was just the shoulder or your hand

oikawa wanted to see you as his own personal cheerleader and you reacting to his affections would really bring him over the moon

this brings us here in the gym today

‘y/n-chan, do you want to go-’

‘oikawa-san, i dont trust you wanting to go on an innocent outing without any hidden intentions’

the team snickered and he pouted, eyes watering and curling at your side

‘y/n-chan, please? oikawa-san really wants to spend time with you~’

he begged and you finally looked up from the notebook and stared at him

god hes been much more annoying lately but you knew it was his way of letting out his anxiousness and nervousness for the incoming interhigh

so you decided to indulge him just this once and made a deal with him

‘the moment you try anything, even remotely romantic or flirty, i will leave’

you bargained but he gasped

‘what?! then what’s the point of-’

‘so you DO have hidden intentions, oikawa-san?’

you raised your eyebrow causing oikawa to quickly shake his head and detach from you

‘fine. none of that stuff, just hanging out, okay?’

he was still fussy but he accepted it

oikawa had a plan to take you to a cafe that just opened up and take you shopping and basically spoil you because girls like that, right?

they fall for boys who give them everything, right?

nope

so i read a study that surprisingly most girls arent into shopping apparently and they prefer to buy something themselves because apparently they feel indebt and dependent on men if they let them spoil them like that

idk about you but i would let oikawa spoil me tho

his plans were completely crushed when you argued with him for nearly 15 minutes to take half of your tab with the food

‘y/n-chan! i invited you out so i should pay! and boys have to pay!’

he complained, holding the other end of the tab envelope thingy but you pulled it back towards you

‘oikawa-san. you should never listen to societal normalities and instead listen and respect my wishes of paying for my half rather than going by the rules of males paying for females’

im sensing a bit of a bokuto and akaashi typa relationship between you two

oikawa shook his head and slightly stood up to lean over the table, his face approaching yours and you were slightly surprised by the sudden closeness causing you to lean back and be focused on getting away so your grip on the tab loosened

he grinned as he snatched it away from your grasp and quickly placed his card into the slot before running up to the cashier

your mouth was slacked and surprise was still written on your face even when he returned and oikawa held up a peace sign to try and lighten up

but your shock morphed into being upset

‘oikawa-san, listen here. you had-’

but he waved you off with a smile

‘no, you listen here, y/n-chan. oikawa-san loves you therefore he will give you everything in the world and all you have to do is sit there and point at whatever you want because my love will bring it to you~!’

you rolled your eyes

‘please stop being like that, oikawa-san. im not your girlfriend so dont act like my boyfriend’

he lightly scoffed, disguising it with a cough

‘y/n-chan, i dont think you understand. oikawa-san is telling you to be his good little girl and sit down. i dont understand why youre being so stubborn’

he growled softly

wHAT iS hE sAYinG

you shook your head in disbelief and stood up collecting your things making the brunette to also stand up in curiosity

‘y/n-chan? youre leaving already? i wanted to go see other places with you! i wanted to take you shopping!’

you halted and looked up at him through your long eyelashes

‘oikawa-san, i’d rather you save your money and rest your injuries instead’

you reasoned but he raised his hands in front of him to signify his wish for you to stop

‘but i want to be with you, y/n-chan’

he whispered and you blinked

‘i dont want you to spend a single dime for me after this. just you and me, oikawa-san, no money, just us’

he nodded eagerly

‘we can go anywhere you want! just,,, stay with me’

then he found himself in a bookstore with you

it was a quaint hole in the wall bookstore that you both found as you walked down the street and you excitedly dragged him inside, hand still laced together

the rows of shelves that contained different worlds in the pages were your serotonin

he watched you excitedly run to the fiction section and browsed through the different spines for anything special to check out

‘y/n-chan, i’ll go use the bathroom really quickly’

you nodded and oikawa kissed your temple before he left towards the restroom

your eyes flitted across the different titles and you snatched a book of poetry

oikawa hurriedly walked over back to you but he didnt find you at the place you were before

so he continued sifting through the mini hallways of shelves and then he stopped

it was so,,, domestic 

seeing your bright eyes looking down at the book  on your hands and the way your mouth slightly moved with the words

it was such a simple sight yet why did you look so beautiful?

the shimmering eyes that flittered when you came across a sentence you liked 

the soft lips that kinda jutted out making his desire to feel it increase that he would give anything to feel on his own

you were so focused that you didnt notice him moving behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist, only noticing his head resting on your shoulder

‘’come, my darling, it is never too late to begin our love again’’

he mumbled to your ear and you released one hand from the book to grasp his arms that were around your middle

‘you read poetry?’

you whispered and oikawa chuckled

‘of course. a man as romantic as I am ought to be a poet’

he reasoned and you laughed

‘yet you fail to sway me, oikawa-san’

‘no, there is a difference. you dont want my love but i know you want to be loved by me, i can assure you!’

you swiftly placed the book back on its former place and you turned around to swing your arms around his neck

‘hmm,,,, love was never something for me. especially with you boys around’

oikawa looked down to see your shorter height and he caressed your hip

‘i love you, y/n, so let me love you the way you deserve to be’

he whispered not understanding the weight of his words and you looked down to hide the growing blush on your face before burying your face into his sweater-clad chest

‘so not fair oikawa-san’

you mumbled against the fabric but he heard it and he bursted into giggles

‘ehh~~ youre not being the fair one, y/n-chan! youre make it so hard to not fall for you when youre so beautiful~!’

he whines and you rested your chin on him so you could look up at him and your pout made him squeeze you tighter

‘hah?! that doesnt make sense! im nothing but a mess of-!’

you started but was cut off when he kissed your nose and whispered:

‘but what a beautiful mess you are’

okay so i know this is the saddest one out of the routes but ive just been serving fluff so the angst is coming soon!!!!!!

once you both were finished in the bookstore, you suggested going to this hill that allowed you to see the stars clearer

‘hmm, oikawa-san, there’s this place that natsu used to take me to whenever he wanted to see the stars so i think you’d like it’

you mentioned while walking on the sidewalk

oikawa’s hand was clutching yours and you were swinging it back and forth while lightly skipping and kicking the rocks

he watched you, amused, at how child-like you were acting right now but he was also touched, knowing your knowledge of his love for space

‘sure!’

the night sky allowed the stars to light up and you both shared giggles and laughs as the two of you stumbled over your feet with no light except from above

however once you made it to the top of the hill, oikawa pulled you close to him as you huddled on a seated position

‘how’d you know i would like this, y/n-chan?’

he asked and you gave him an obvious look

‘hah? its so obvious! you keep drawing the cancer constellation on your skin and you had an astrology book in your bag that you were also reading in the bus’

your answer brought warmth inside him and he never thought you were so perceptive of him

you noticed every little thing he does and hes,,,, never had someone do that before

except for iwa and his family and team, no one knows of his little ticks and the way he becomes obsessive of a topic once he gets interested in it

you noticed it all

‘that right there, its the big dipper!’

you pointed and he followed the direction of your finger before nodding

‘yep! waaahhh its much prettier seeing it higher up than my roof!’

he exclaimed and your gaze left the constellation towards the boy beside you

‘really,, pretty’

you absentmindedly muttered yet he was sharp and heard you

‘but its different to look at something much more beautiful’

this caused you to quickly go back to looking at the stars so you missed his love-filled eyes

‘i want to name my children by constellations. so that they can keep the oikawa legacy going forever like constellations being at the sky for all eternity. or naming it after the sky! then i can make sure theyre never going away’

he said and you nodded

you kept pointing out different shapes and laughing at his funky claims of what some stars connected to and created

‘oikawa-san, lets go to the star festival later’

you offered and he in turn looked away from you, turning red at the way the small lights illuminated your face and somehow making it more,,,, angelic

so he covered it up with his own teasing 

‘oh? the meeting of the two lovers?’

you dont know why but your cheeks burned at the mention of the ‘L’ word and oikawa noticed, quickly poking fun of your cheeks

‘oh, y/n-chan, dont be so shy!’

you pouted and turned away

‘never mind’

oikawa’s laugh rang throughout the space and he pulled you closer, practically sitting on his lap, while pointing out the stars and him pressing kisses to your cheeks

the intertwining of your fingers combined with the kisses made you feel as if you were floating with how free you felt

and you loved every moment of it

after that outing with your captain, you were conflicted

it wasnt the first time he’s openly said he loved you and his shower of affections have been there since the very beginning

yet how come you were just now feeling,,,,, different??

you were sure you felt an odd feeling inside you when he said your name with no usual suffix and it wasnt just the food that didnt agree with you

whenever his lips came in contact with your skin, it left blazing trails of red that spread out as far as it could

the heartbeat that quickened once he kissed your forehead at your doorstep and the grin you last saw when you closed the door

or the unknown smile that you didnt know you had on until natsu, who was visiting, pointed it out

‘darling, why are you just standing there? and why are you smiling like that? its weird, stop it’

you didnt even have the attitude to scold him and you giggled before twirling and holding his hand

‘oh, natsu~ i want to dance! and sing!’

you shouted, taking him with you and dancing around the living room

tbh natsu was very worried but he remembered you mentioning that you were meeting some guy today and it might be the reason as to why you were acting like this

he was happy

you deserved to be loved as you are and you were finally getting that love

but,,,,,,,,,

it didnt last long

albeit having a lot of fun, oikawa seemed,,,, off to you

it was,,, awkward

maybe it was because you were now aware of some type of growing attraction inside of you or every little thing he does to you could send you into shapeshifting and channeling your inner tomato

forget potato, youre now a tomato

but even his touches and affections were now limited

restricted

like the the next time you both saw each other, you shyly but happily bounded up to him and greeted him good morning

but his eyes widened, taking a step back before laughing awkwardly

‘ah ha ha, hey y/n-chan’

oikawa greeted then side-stepped to enter the gym

god you felt like you were slapped in the face

you remained frozen, staring at the spot he previously occupied and your mind was running quickly

was it because your senses were now heightened that everything made you extra sensitive?

usually, oikawa would squeal at the fact you were even greeting him this morning but he literally just walked away from you

no, you were just,,,,

overreacting

right?

yea, just,,,

overreacting

iwa noticed your downcast expression and he had a feeling it had something to do with oikawa’s off expression

you hurriedly placed your bag down and took out your notebook to start taking notes for their practice

big boy ace went up to you and placed a hand on your arm which caused you to flinch

he immediately backed off, letting go and stepping back

‘wh-hey? y/n? you okay? did something happen?’

he worriedly asked but you shook your head, not even bothering to meet his eyes

‘uh-yea. mhm, perfectly fine’

you lied and he wanted to press further but mattsun and makki called you over to check out their blocks so you ran to them

but he had a feeling you were just taking every opportunity to not answer his questions

while you were pre-occupied with the meme team, iwa marched up to oiks and tugged him around to fully talk to him

oikawa watched your interaction and he knew iwa would immediately start questioning him too

‘oi, what the hell did you do’

there was an underlying tone in his best friend’s voice that he didnt particularly like

oikawa did what he does best and plastered a smile on his face

‘hm? what do you mean, iwa-chan?’

‘what the hell do you mean what do i mean? you speak japanese dont you? so tell me what the hell happened during your date because it seems like shit happened and now youre both acting weird’

oikawa flinched at the blunt words but it was the truth

he was acting weird and this caused you to probably act weird too

god hes so dumb

but he,,, was going through stuff right now

it was a situation that he didnt want to involve you in 

and,,, seeing you dancing with natsu with the biggest smile on your face through the window of your house

okay guys dont think this is weird or stalker-ish bc i actually saw this in a kdrama ages ago and i thought it was just so sweet and cute and dont take it the weird and stalker creepy way :(

it certainly brought him pain

this was what he wanted though, right?

he wanted to see a reaction from you with his antics and he wanted to see you flustered and giggling like one of his lovestruck girls

but dear god that was when he became aware of your growing feelings

oikawa even saw it before you did with the way you gave him those longing stares and small smiles and the small squeezes of his hand when he would laugh

initially, he wouldve teased you for it but then he kept quiet

this entire time he knew you, he felt,,, love,,, for you

and by god, he was so scared

he wanted to run away

because he was well aware of his personality and him as a person 

he could make you smile the biggest and the happiest but he was also the type to make you feel the most pain and cause the deepest wounds on your already fragile heart

he didnt want that responsibility and burden

it was too risky

oikawa knew he was a ticking time bomb and he was afraid if you got even just a centimeter closer

you would be the one hit with the blast the most

maybe it was that sight that made him want to distance himself

it was a sight that made him realize that you deserved someone much better and that someone couldn’t be him

the happiness that danced in your eyes and the smile that decorate your beautiful face

can you imagine the irony?

the moment you notice of your growing feelings, the moment he decides to withdraw and pull away

.......

practice was,,, suffocating? 

the team knew of the tension these past few days and you both def were not the same

oikawa has not said he loved you or even pestered you once and as much as the guys hated seeing it, they were getting worried

did you both fight?

what happened?

when oikawa was talking with the coach and you were grabbing something from the storage room, they immediately took this chance to pounce on iwaizumi since he was the closest to the both of you

‘oi, iwaizumi, the hell happened?’

makki asked and the others nodded, wondering the same thing

but they were surprised when he shrugged

‘dont know. stupidkawa refuses to talk and i dont want to bother y/n bc she seems,,, weird about it’

if iwaizumi didnt know, then something serious did happen

you and oikawa continued this weird eggshell walking and you even gave up after trying to ask so many times on what was wrong and only to be answered with,

‘nothing~! y/n-chan should never have to worry her pretty little head about old me~!’

that answer didnt bother you

it was his smile

the genuine smile that you were so happy to receive as it was only for you

now seems gone and replaced with his fake one as if you now became one of his fangirls

what took the cake was his appearance to practice with a girl in his arm

they were both laughing and seemed trapped in their own little bubble to even notice the team’s wide eyes and concerned looks to you

you didnt even notice your teary eyes until mattsun quite literally picked you up and shouted he wanted to help you fill up the water bottles

he placed you outside, sitting on a bench by the gym

you were biting your lip and staring at the ground while he was leaning back and looking at the sky

‘the sky is very pretty today’

he complimented but it wasnt heard by you

you only came back to reality when he nudged you gently and you shot him a crooked smile but he sighed at the look of hurt written all over your face

‘oh, y/n, i am getting increasingly worried for our generation. theres so many sad eyes on happy faces’

he tutted and returned to gazing back up to the clouds

you scrunched your nose and scoffed

‘i dont understand you, mattsun-san’

you mumbled and fiddled with your fingers

mattsukawa issei shook his head and pointed above

‘y/n-chan, our eyes enables us to identify beauty and we have the urge to immediately capture it to remember that we did find something beautiful. yet, we feel hopeless as we cant to put the beauty on paper because we are only given one crayon to draw the sunset’

it felt all muddled

there was no sense in his words and you were sniffed, trying to understand

‘mattsun-san, did you eat any more of those candy makki-san bought from that one guy?’

he bursted into laughter and you couldnt help but quirk your lip at the sound of his joy

‘who knows? taka is my boy and i trust him so if he gave it to me, then,,,, it cant be that bad, right?’

you blanched

‘mattsun-san! im not about to go pick you up from the er again just because makki-san dared you to do something!’

mattsun finally wandered his eyes over to you and he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear

‘thats the thing with you, y/n-chan. youre quick to love others but you lose pieces of yourself in the process. i have no right to tell you who deserves it but please ask yourself, is that sacrifice worth it?’

you knew he wasnt talking about your love for the team

but for the love for a certain setter that didnt go unnoticed by the middle blocker

leave it to mattsun to make you laugh and you were letting out your last giggles as you stepped into the gym

oikawa stopped talking and focused on the two of you, 

more specifically,

you

he watched as you laughed and swatted mattsun’s elbow as he jokingly made fun of your height by resting his arm on top of your head

yes this was what it was supposed to be

you deserved someone who could make you smile and only smile

he doesnt even hesitate but even imagine the tears that would fill those beautiful eyes and he knows it would all be his fault

no

he will stop that from happening way before it would occur

he will do anything to make sure you will never cry because of him so he will distance himself and now, he gives up

it could just be his stress and insecurities talking but he knows right now,

he wants you away from him

oikawa tooru, the boy who could get anyone he wants, couldn’t get the girl he wishes for the most

dear god was it laughable

after practice was finished,

you quietly and quickly packed up the nets and picked up the balls to get yourself out of there

these past few days made you feel so much confusion that it hurts

if there was anything worse than him not talking to you,

it was not knowing why 

that curiosity and desperate need for answers creates wild and self-destructive theories 

did you chew too loudly when you ate?

were you boring and not as fun as the others?

was he angry and humiliated of his pride as a man when you scolded him for paying for you?

has he gotten tired of you now that he knows who you really are?

that last question suddenly created a new set of tears to appear

throughout the day, you were so composed and distracted yourself with the lectures of your teachers and not anything of why this certain brunette was avoiding you

but a single insecure question made that wall crumble and you hurriedly shoved the trolley of balls into the storage room and grabbed your bag before rushing out of there

you sniffled and hurriedly walked home so you could go and cry on your bed in peace

but ofc 

hiroshi natsu exists so ofc he distracted you when you entered the house with a red puffy face

quietly, he led you to the couch and he wordlessly grabbed a tissue box from the coffee table to dab away the tears

you sniffled and clenched your fists to will yourself to stop these dumb salty water drops

‘i cant tell you its going to be okay because i dont want you to cling on to false hope. but i know it hurts. its worse that of all people, oikawa tooru had to be your first ever crush’

he chuckled

you took a shaky breath and wiped your face

‘this was why i shouldnt have liked him. god! all we did was eat dinner and look at the stupid fcking sky! thats it! so why-! why do i suddenly like him?! AM I THAT DESPERATE?!’

you wailed and blew your nose while natsu patted your back

‘i mean,,, to others it sounds like youre easy to sway’

you looked up from the tissue to glare at him but he continued

‘but to me,,,, it sounds like it was just the last push you needed to finally see oikawa tooru in that way’

you nodded, laughing weakly

‘i dont know why im acting like a lunatic like this. hes just a crush anyway so it’ll probably fade in a day or two so bear with me until then, kay?’

but his grim shake of his head gave you no hope

‘rather than fade, it will grow. and i might have to bear with this for the rest of our lives. now you be a bad bitch and sit there and look fine as hell while i go order 10 boxes of pizza and load up teen moms’

the impromptu movie night distracted you a little bit from it all but you still couldn’t help but think about it

GOD WHY WAS NATSU SO DRAMATIC?!

BECAUSE OF THAT IDIOT YOU ARE NOW SITTING IN CLASS, BAGS UNDER YOUR EYES, AND BREAKING YOUR PENCILS IN HALF

all you have to do is make sure you think of oikawa doing something disgusting to make that attraction fade away

oikawa licking his toes

oikawa licking his toes

oikawa licking his toes

oikawa licking his-

‘y/n?’

you snapped out of your daydream when kunimi reached out to you

kindaichi, who came over for lunch, and him were staring at you in concern and they shared a look

‘y/n, something must’ve happened that day with captain’

kunimi started but kindaichi snapped

‘see?! this is why we shouldve never let you go! the first time you go with him and now youre a mess! tell us! did he force himself on you?! did he-?!’

you stopped the onion top boy with a forced smile and a squeeze on the arm

‘o-oikawa-san would never do that, kindaichi. hes better than that’

‘but clearly not because look at you!’

he shouted and you flinched 

kunimi hurriedly knocked him to the floor

‘get ahold of yourself, kindaichi’

he mumbled and you stood up and walked to the bathroom at the west wing that nobody uses so you could freely cry without any suspicion

was it obvious?

was it clear that you have been a mess after a week of being ignored by oikawa?

nah, youre just being a dramatic little shit

youre sticking to your word of quickly forgetting about the whole ordeal

but you definitely cant if your nightmare was happening before your eyes

as you approached the bathroom from the end of the hallway, 

you saw an unknown girl but an all too familiar boy giggling and rushing to get inside the bathroom

and for good measure, oikawa looked around to make sure no one was there but then he saw you

despite the distance between you, he could see your glistening eyes from the sunlight that seeped in from the big windows

he saw the way your hand trembled and your eyes twitched when haruna poked her head out to see why he was still outside

‘oikawa-senpai~~’

she drawled out and reached a manicured nail to his wrist 

your eyes followed her touch and then you and the boy shared eye contact

through the watery eyes, he could clearly make out your silent plead

please dont go to her

please

stay with me

dont go

but he went in anyways

------

that was the moment you forced yourself to not think about him anymore

as if you werent even working your hardest lately, you will work your hardest now

everything between you and him was now strictly professional as practice that day signified the very first day of your moving on stage

you couldnt believe these past 2 weeks has been a real nightmare yet you were slowly waking up from it

there was nothing you could do about it bc oikawa obviously didnt mean anything he said to you and maybe thats what ticked you off the most

you were easily led on

he blindly tugged you along the moment you saw his smile

he definitely thought of you as just as a game and when he finally got tired and bored, he dropped you and went to another

kunimi and kindaichi noticed the coldness of your eyes and the stoic expression on your face and they were genuinely terrified of you so they didnt want to ask any questions

even with packing up, you aggeressively shoved everything in your bag and the blep boy finally gained the courage and nervously tapped his finger on your desk to gain your attention

you swiftly dropped in your pencil case and looked at him

‘what’

he flinched at the cold tone and his eyes showed concern

‘uh-i-are you okay?’

he slowly asked and you visibly clenched your jaw but you nodded anyways

‘never better’

you didnt bother waiting for him to finish packing up and even passed kindaichi by the door as you were walking towards the girl’s locker room to change into your manager outfit

your entrance to the gym made the noise die down and you noticed the third years with glares on and aggressively practicing

‘whats wrong with all of you’

you asked and iwa scoffed before shaking his head and opening his arm

‘cmere. i missed you’

he said and ngl you were a little confused bc this wasnt something iwa usually did but you still stuck to his side

‘why-’

‘he told me what happened’

iwa whispered and you stiffened in his arms

‘w-what?’

iwaizumi flung the boy to his own bedroom wall

he huffed, panting at both the weight of oikawa tooru and the intense anger that burned through his veins

‘you-you are a piece of shit!’

he shouted and he moved to grab oikawa’s collar and lifted him so the brunette could see the fire and disgust present in his olive eyes

‘you think i didnt see what the hell you did? fcking leaving y/n sobbing as you-you-! AGH!’

iwaizumi couldnt even finish his sentence as he was so angry that he harshly sent oikawa flying back down to his floor

oikawa was crying

not from the beating

but from his regrets

god he knew he messed up

he shouldnt have done it

but he did

iwa ran his hands through his hair and angrily sat on his best friend’s bed, eyes shooting daggers at oikawa

‘right now. tell me the truth right fcking now or so help me god’

he hissed 

oikawa tooru shuffled closer to the wall and brought his knees up to his chest

‘im so scared’

he sobbed

‘im so scared, iwa-chan’

his tears were pouring down and he brought a hand to muffle his cries

‘i-i just w-wanted to-to see something out of her. li-like a reaction! because she wasnt like th-the others! but instead i fell in love! me! and she did too!’

he pointed and quickly stood up, pacing and gripping his hair

‘it was all just for fun! she-she knows im like that! yet she still fell in love with me!’

‘how could you tell she-’

‘BECAUSE OF HER EYES!’

even iwa flinched

‘HER EYES SHOWED ME LOVE! HAPPINESS! AN-AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID?! WHEN SHE GOT HOME?! THROUGH HER WINDOW, I SAW HER DANCING! SO HAPPY SHE WAS DRAGGING THAT BASTARD COUSIN OF HERS AROUND! I DID THAT! I CAUSED THAT!’

there was so much confusion in this poor spiky haired boy bc he knew oikawa was in love with their manager so why is he avoiding her now even though she reciprocates those feelings?

‘im missing something here, oikawa. youre telling me, she loves you, but youre here regretting that?’

his tone of disbelief made oikawa shut his eyes in frustration

‘DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?! YOU CALL ME A PIECE OF SHIT EVERYDAY AND I KNOW THAT! I FCKING KNOW THAT IM A PIECE OF SHIT AND A FCKING BASTARD!’

he shrieked

thankfully, his family wasnt home currently to see him breakdown

‘SO WHY THE HELL DO I DESERVE A LITERAL ANGEL?! A GODDESS?! A BEAUTIFUL PERSON FOR ME?! A FCKED UP NARCISSIST EGOTISTICAL IDIOT?! AN IDIOT WHO’S TOO PRIDEFUL TO GET THE HELP HE NEEDS?! I COULD HURT HER! I COULD DESTROY HER IN A SINGLE SNAP! THE SCARIEST FACT IS I COULD DO IT WITHOUT THINKING! I COULD SAY THE WORST THINGS TO HER AND IM SO SCARED THAT I WILL HURT HER! I DONT DESERVE HER, IWA! SHE DESERVES SOME-SOMEONE LIKE YOU! AND IT HURTS TO THINK THAT BUT I DONT CARE! A-AND WHAT IF WE GET TOGETHER?! HM?! HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT WOULD TAKE HER TILL SHE FINDS SOMEONE BETTER?! HOW MUCH CAN SHE TAKE OF GOING THROUGH EPISODES OF SOME DEPRESSED, INSECURE, PRIDEFUL ASHOLE LIKE ME?! HOW LONG DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD REALIZE HER SELF-WORTH AND KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SHITTY PERSON I AM?! I CANT-!’

iwaizumi pushed himself up from the bed and rushed to grab his best friend before forcing the brown haired boy to his chest

oikawa tooru was having a panic attack

he heaved and wheezed and loudly let out his cries and iwa made them sit on the floor where he could comfortably cry

‘youre such an idiot, tooru. but she knows that, doesn’t she? she knows who you are, what you are, how you are, your flaws, everything- she knows all that. yet she still fell for you, doesnt that tell you something? for once in your life, consider other people’s feelings before yours. y/n is one hell of a girl and i wont allow you to let her slip past you just like that. i know- we all know- how much of a broken person you are, oikawa, and it hurts us all to know that no matter what we do, we can never fix you. but y/n-gosh, y/n is the only person to even have a chance to do that. and you admitted that youre depressed and you have a problem? well,, get some help for that, oikawa. the first step to be better is by accepting the only person who can accept you for you’

iwaizumi didnt reveal to the other third years of what happened but just said that oikawa did a really terrible thing to you and hes currently repenting for it

however mattsun and makki pretended they didnt hear oikawa regretting it and focused on the fact that the captain even had the NERVE to hurt you

iwa squeezed you tightly and you returned the hug

but he whispered something in your ear

‘everyone makes mistakes, y/n. the only thing we can do is to repent for them’

you pulled away, about to ask him what hes talking about but one look from his eyes made you realize what he was talking about

he mustve known what happened but hes defending him

you clenched your jaw and looked away

‘i destroyed myself for a stupid reason and its one of my regrets. im not going to make the same mistake twice’

you quietly hissed and moved to your station by the bench to begin taking your notes

you noticed that oikawa was late for practice today and although you kinda hate him, you are still a manager first and he was one of your responsibilities

you were about to go to the coach and tell him you’d look for the setter when the gym door slid and in came the devil himself

but there was a large bruise on his cheek and a cut on his lip

your feet moved quicker than the rest of you that you were in front of him in a second

‘what happened to you’

you worriedly asked and oikawa just stared at you

his eyes shook and watered at the sight of you

this was the first time you talked to him without any coldness in your tone and he missed it

he missed hearing you

his silence made you roll your eyes and you roughly grabbed his arm before throwing him on the bench you were sitting on

the team watched, on edge of whats happening, but was put back to practice when you gave them a side-eye

your fingers opened the ointment and your kit to treat the bleeding lip and the swollen side of his face

‘youre the captain. its not wise to fight before practice and be late. youre hindering everyone else’

you coldly scolded and oikawa shrank back

‘it was iwa-chan’

he mumbled and you stopped and quirked an eyebrow

‘what? why did he-’

then you froze

iwa knew

and he beat oikawa up for it

he fought his best friend for it

and iwa didnt look fazed at all

despite being a muscle freak, iwa was very soft and his iron defiency made him prone to bruising

yet why was he so clean

it was like iwa hit oikawa but in turn, the other didnt fight back

no

you must stop

youre overthinking again and youre over analyzing it and youll end up at the place you were before

however

oikawa noticed the dawn of realization on your face and he shakily reached out to touch your hand

‘i,,, didnt. because i deserved it. i-’

he sniffed and you knew he would start crying right now

the last thing he wanted would be to cry in front of the others so you immediately stood up and went to the coach

‘coach, oikawa-san needs treatment that i dont currently have with me. i would need to take him to the infirmary’

he nodded and waved you off so you had the clear

oikawa flinched when you harshly grabbed his arm and pulled him up so he could follow you out the door

it was such an awkward silence between you both but you bit your lip, focusing on the fact that you were just doing this bc he was your obligation

it was like you threw him to one of the cots then you rummaged through the medicine cabinet for an extra cotton ball and a better ointment

‘i fcked up, y/n’

your movements halted and your eyes drifted down, looking at the tiled floor

‘i messed up so bad’

he hoarsely said and you could tell how much pain he was going through by the way he let out a shaky breath

‘oika-’

you made a move to turn around but he stopped you

‘no! dont look at me! just-just dont,,, i cant-i wont be able to say it if i look at you’

he cried and you nodded

oikawa leaned his forehead on his intertwined hands with his eyes on the floor before starting

‘i want to say im sorry. because everything, all of this, it all started as a game to me’

you closed your eyes tightly, tears welling up in your eyes

‘you,,, you didnt bat a single eyelash at me. you didnt try to please me, you didnt chase after me, no, you didnt see me like that. it made me,,, i dont know,,, confused,,, that girls like you even existed. it,,, not gonna lie, ticked me off and i was offended that you brushed me away so easily like i was some,, some bug on your shoulder. so,,, i wanted to see,,, and try,,, if i could make you,,, like me. and i know! i know its messed up but god y/n i swear i didnt want to hurt you. i just,,, i wanted to see if i could ever make you look at me like the way they did but it backfired. i wanted you to chase me but in the end, i ended up chasing after you. i chased and i ran without knowing that you were slowing down for me so i could catch you. that,,, that date made me realize of how,,, how perfect and beautiful you are a-and how unworthy i am to even receive anything from you. i saw how happy you were after that, dancing, twirling that poor idiot around. at first,, it made me so so proud. and so happy that i made you do that. i put those stars from the sky into your eyes and somehow you made them shine much brighter. then,,,, i got scared. i started thinking about,,, about me. and how i am. ive been trying so hard to please other people that ive lost sight of the real me and how terrible i am. and y-you! i just- y/n its so hard for me to explain all this right now- my current mental state, the pain on my face- i cant,,, but at that moment i realized that you,,, you were better off without me. youre so kind, so beautiful, so smart, you could go do so many good things in life. and im just going to hold you back. i didnt want to hurt you so i,,, chose to just cut the string now and,, we wont get hurt later. but,,, i regret it. i regret it so much, y/n. all my life,,, everyone cooed and awed at this child just because of how he looked like and,,, he got used to it. everyone wanted me because i am oikawa tooru but they didnt want the entire oikawa tooru. iwa,,, iwa hit it into my head that,,, you,, were the only one who bothered to even see that side of me’

when he finished, he looked up but gasped at the sight of you standing in front of him

fat tears were rolling down your face and you wore the angriest expression

‘i-,,,i hate you so much, oikawa tooru’

you seethed

your eyebrows were scrunched up together and your nostrils flared as you cried harder and you let out a cry

‘i hate you, i hate you, i hate you’

you chanted and oikawa saw his vision cracking

his world was now falling apart

he did the last thing he would ever do and you were now at your most pained moment

‘youre so selfish, impulsive, and terrible’

you whined and punched his shoulder at each word

‘but i love you so much. i hate you because you made me cry and made me feel so hurt but i still love you. why-why cant you stop playing your games, tooru? stop playing with me now! stop it! stop-!’

you didnt get to say anything else because he grabbed your waist and held you in his arms

it was like you didnt even weigh a thing by the way he lifted you to sit on his lap and he gently led your face to his neck

‘im so sorry’

he repeated constantly while brushing your hair and rubbing your waist

you and oikawa tooru spent an hour sitting on that bed just crying 

after a while, you stopped and resulted to just hiccuping

‘youre selfish, tooru. you listened to yourself and did whatever you wanted rather than talking to me. i hate you but i,,, i love you, oikawa-san. i shouldnt say that but if i dont, im afraid you’ll go ahead and do something stupid again’

he chuckled but he squeezed you tighter

‘i dont,,, want to let you go, y/n-chan. let me be selfish a little longer and love you all to myself’

and by god did he become selfish

it took you a while to get over your defensive and guarded actions from him but you were slowly finding yourself forgiving him

YO IM SORRY BUT I WOULDVE DROPPED HIM LIKE PLEASE WHAT THE HECK Y/N REALLY REALLY LOVES THIS GUY

natsu absolutely despises him still and whenever oikawa even comes over, hes always glaring at him and oikawa would shift uncomfortably but accept it bc he deserved it

‘i didnt realize how badly i hurt you, y/n. i could never imagine you accepting me still. ill spend the rest of my life making it up to you’

he promised and you laughed

you were both lounging on your bedroom floor, mean girls playing in the background, while just staring at the ceiling

you brought your clasped hands up so you could look at it

then a goofy smile settled on your face and you turned to look at him

‘just continue loving me, oikawa-san. thats all i ask for’

then graduation came

of course the boys were all teary but oikawa seemed even more sad and he refused to look at you the whole day

you figured it could just be him being mopey over not seeing you everyday like he was able to before

then you both were walking home and he still hasnt looked at you

the silence was killing you but you just kept a tight grip on his hand and he would smile at you and kiss your hands

it still didnt wash away the odd feeling in your stomach but you would talk to him later after you gave him present

for the weekend, you were able to convince your parents to go on a beach trip at okinawa while you made natsu go over to tokyo and stay with katsuki

oikawa didnt know your family was out so he stood by your door, waiting for you to enter

you both stood there, staring at the floor, not knowing what to say

until you softly grabbed his hand

‘come in. i want,,, to talk’

you mumbled and oikawa’s eyes widened, silently panicking that you possibly found out

it was a secret not even iwaizumi knew so you couldnt have known

right?

you led him up to your room and pushed him down to sit on your bed

FLKDSJFLKDJ WHY AM I DOING THIS WHAT IS HAPPENING SOSOSOSOSOSOSOS

ALSO Y/N IS NOW 17 ON THIS YOU GUYS LIKE BLS SHES ONE OF THE OLDEST IN HER CLASS BC HER BIRTHDAY SITUATION SO SHES BEYOND THE AGE OF CONSENT IN JAPAN, RIGHT?

oikawa was confused and he watched you bite your lip and look off to the side

‘y/n-chan? why are you nervous? you said you wanted to talk?’

he asked

but you unzipped your skirt and let it drop on the floor

‘for graduating,,, and working hard for these years,,, im giving you this’

you finally met his eyes

then he knew

oikawa blanched and he quickly stood up and placed his hands on your shoulder

‘y-y/n! uh-i-are you sure? a-arent you-’

‘accept it, tooru. youre,,, my first love,,, so,,,, ill give you my other first’

KSDLFJSDKFJSDLK OKAY YALL LETS STOP THERE FOR NOW AND GO TO THE TIMESKIP OKAY?

OKAY

-----

oikawa was running in the airport

despite the shouts of civilians he accidentally pushed, he made no sign of stopping and if anything, ran faster till he reached outside

the rush of his sudden trip home was clear as he was only carrying a duffel bag full of clothing he hurriedly stuffed inside 

when he met the orange ninja boy in brazil, he quickly caught up with his underclassman and got drinks to talk about japan the last 2 years of his career

they both got simple beers and some appetizer to share as they reminisced the past

hinata was excitedly talking about the reconciliation of kindaichi and kageyama and how they were still enemies on court but were now friends

‘eh~? tobio-chan making up with kin-chan? what’s next? flying sushi?’

he joked and hinata laughed

‘it was partly of your manager, oikawa-san! she helped them make up!’

the previous smile on oikawa’s face slipped at the mention of you 

‘hmm,,,, she always made the impossible happen’

he mumbled and hinata nodded

‘l/n-chan became close to kageyama through kindaichi and kunimi and she would bring us food and stuff too! but only on times she wasn’t busy’

the ninja said and dipped his chip into the salsa while oikawa stared at the liquid

‘you guys must be special for her to go all the way to karasuno’

then hinata said something that caused the brunette’s ears to fall deaf to the loudness of the bar

‘it wasn’t a problem since coach ukai took care of her son’

oikawa didnt even give hinata another word when he rushed out of that bar after overcoming his shock and straight into his apartment

there were tears that blurred his vision as he shoved in shirts and pants and other necessities for a trip to japan

he argued with the front desk lady to give him a ticket to the earliest flight to japan despite her saying that it was hard to give him a seat when the plane was full

but luck seemed to pity this baby daddy as someone pulled their ticket out and he was able to take it for himself

it was the longest journey of his life and his hour long layover gave him an opportunity to call the only person he thought would even know where you were

iwaizumi

oikawa paced at the waiting lobby with his phone pressed to his ear as he listened to the ringing of his call

he bit his lip in anticipation and ran his fingers through his hair for the upteenth time until finally it was picked up

‘damn you, shittykawa, do you understand what time-’

‘iwaizumi, is y/n still in japan?’

of course his best friend was startled with the question as the setter hasnt asked him any question related to you in a few years

‘wha-how the hell am i supposed to know that? im in california, oikawa’

‘dont lie to me. she still talks to you since youre probably the godfather of my son’

he hissed and iwaizumi was now fully awake and his heartbeat was beating quite quickly 

how did he figure out

‘oi, oikawa, listen to me she-’

‘please! dont!’

he shouted and didnt care if he startled anyone else around him

‘dont lie to me! of all people! you dont lie to me!’

‘why should i tell you when you were the one who up and ran? huh?’

oikawa fell silent and iwaizumi could hear his sobs through the phone

iwa sat up on his bed, leaning against the wall as he contemplated revealing this secret you begged him to keep since his best friend sounded like he was on the verge of breaking apart

poor oikawa tooru already suffered so much

‘i swear youre going to make me regret this. but y/n is in,,,, tokyo and,,,,, she,,,,,, didnt want you to know about,,,, about everything. well-she did want to tell you but she had her own reasons not to and,,, and its perfectly valid for her to choose whatever she wanted. and yes, i knew and yes, i am his godfather but please, oikawa, whatever you do, dont go to japan, you understand? shes still hurt by it, idiot, and shes angry and you sound angry and-’

but of course,

oikawa didnt listen and he hung up but continued his pacing but this time, tears blurring his vision

the taxi driver noticed his frazzled expression and quickly stopped in front of him

oikawa gratefully hopped in and quickly told the driver the address he forced out of iwaizumi (with great reluctance)

‘this is the last time, understand me, tooru? youve already hurt her so many times and i cant bear to see it all over again so you need to fix it. but you mess this up again, not only will you lose her, you’ll lose me too’

the old man felt sorry for the young lad and stepped on the pedal to get him to his destination in the quickest time 

the apartment building was several stories tall yet the elevator ride felt like a snap when he finally arrived at the floor your apartment was supposedly on

what the real kicker was when he stood outside your door and he hesitated

would you let him in?

would you even want to see him?

would you punch him?

would you cry?

he was so worried but didnt realize that he already pushed the doorbell and a faint shout from inside made his heart jump

‘UNCLE KYOOoooo,,,,,’

the door opened and the boy’s voice went quiet, knowing this wasnt the man he was expecting and he quickly and harshly slammed the door shut to his face

oikawa was stunned

was this the right apartment?

did iwaizumi trick him?

but those thoughts were wiped away when the door opened again and a girl was softly chiding the boy before turning around with a smile to greet the person but then it fell

similar to her son, she slammed the door shut and oikawa panicked

‘y-y/n? h-hey!’

he exclaimed and with a clenched fist, he stood there

you were hyperventilating inside

how did he find you?

why is he here?

does he know?

‘mama? who’s that oji?’

the bright eyes of yozora looked up at you and you blinked, briefly seeing the man behind the door at the face of your son

you sucked in a deep breath before smiling lightly

‘yoyo-kun, can you go play with dino-kun while mama and oji talk?’

yozora blinked back up at you before shrugging and nodding and running off to your shared room

once he was gone, you quickly composed yourself and opened the door again, shocked to see oikawa already half-way down the hallway to the elevator

‘would you like some tea before you go?’

you called out and he stopped, almost giving himself whiplash at how fast he turned his head

it was like his instincts took over when your voice started speaking to him

as if he was 18 again, oikawa found himself trailing after your voice and you nervously led him inside

his eyes were moving really fast as if he wanted to quickly soak it all in before it would disappear

this was where you lived

with your son

who was his son too

there was a picture by the door of you and the little boy from earlier

it was at the planetarium nearby and tooru’s heart bloomed at the sparkle in that child’s eyes

jesus, he was beautiful

‘yozora. thats his name’

you said, noticing him staring at the picture

KDFLJSDKFSD PRINCE NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM BABIESSS!!!

‘night sky’

oikawa whispered

the teapot was still hot and you were able to pour him a cup so you both sat on the dining table where he sat across from you

‘n-nice place’

he stuttered out

you nodded, tracing the rim of your own cup

‘its natsu’s and katsuki’s actually. my parents kicked me out so they offered to let me stay with them’

you reasoned, not meaning to sound cold but it came out as if you were being passive agressive

‘o-oh? ho-how is he-’

‘oikawa-san, what are you doing here?’

he visibly flinched

calling him by his last name stung since you called him ‘tooru’ the whole relationship so returning to his surname is your way of cutting off the whole thing

‘i,,, i found out. a few days ago. from shoyo. he told me their coach looked after yozora and,,, i knew he is,,, mine’

you let out a humorless chuckle

a scoff

then you looked up to meet his gaze, oikawa gulping at the hardness in your eyes

‘what makes you think so? what makes you think that i wasnt angry and spiteful enough to give myself to someone else so they could have what the great oikawa tooru had? what makes you think that i would remain loyal to you despite you just running off to the other side of the fcking world without a word? hm? oikawa-san? what.makes.you.think.so?’

out of guilt, he broke the stare to his own steaming cup of green tea

‘nothing’

you whispered

he shakingly sighed and you could tell he was about to cry

but you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms

‘go ahead and cry, oikawa-san. im used to temper tantrums. i have a son for god’s sake’

‘you would never do that to me, y/n. you promised that you would always love me and only me and i know you take promises to your grave’

he reasoned but it sounded like it was him convincing himself

the dry laugh you let out made him fidget

‘and you promised that you would always talk to me and communicate. yours is a much lighter and easier promise than mine yet you get to break it and i can’t? no, oikawa-san. to me, its like that year never even happened’

you were now just trying to rile him up due to your anger towards him

you shouldve let him walk to the elevator and leave and never come back

but you still invited him in anyways

oikawa snapped his head up

‘you cant say that or mean it, y/n. that boy over there, hes a reminder of me. he looks exactly like me so you cant ever forget what we have’

‘what he had. it was simply the past, years ago, and everything has changed since then. dont you dare try to dig up buried secrets, oikawa’

‘but why did you keep him from me?’

he pleaded, desperate for any answer as to why

‘i had every right. the moment you boarded that plane, he no longer was yours. you left, i stayed, and you cant just come back here and-’

‘mama?’

a small voice from the corner halted your loud voice and you and tooru looked at him

oikawa yozora was exactly like his father

from his loud and obnoxious personality to even the brown hair and brown eyes

KFDSLJFKDS REMEMBER THAT KID FROM OLD UKAI’S VOLLEYBALL CLUB?! THATS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!!

he looked absolutely nothing like you and people even get confused when you say hes your son

um maam i think hes my son since he came out of me

so oikawa was right

yozora was your daily reminder of the mistakes of your youth but he was anything but that as he is the greatest thing to ever happen to you

yozora became your light when you fell into depression after oikawa ran away

sure, your parents absolutely loathed poor child as he is a child of a child

but you kept him because he means the world to you

and the world he holds are in his eyes

‘i,, i heard yelling,,, and,,, thought mama and oji were sad,,, so,,, i bring my,,, star book because,,, it makes me happy,,, and i think,,, mama and oji will,,, be happy too’

he mumbled out and you smiled at him before moving to go to him but oikawa stopped you

his eyes begged you and you glared at him, deciding to withdraw

if he decides to do anything, you could always knee him between the legs

he slowly approached yozo and kneeled down to reach eye-level

‘hello, my name is oikawa tooru’

he softly introduced himself and yozora just stared at him

‘you oikawa too? but i oikawa! mama is he me?!’

yozora shouted and you giggled, running to take him into your arms

‘oh, darling, how curious you are. oji isnt you, baby. he just,,, has the same last name as you. like mama has hers but you have,,, oji’s’

your eyes drifted to oikawa but he remained on the floor, staring at the spot where yozo stood on

you kept his last name

you listened to him from that night at the hill by naming his son after the night sky

my god, you are so,,, 

‘--the book. oji? do you?’

he was brought back to reality when your son was now back on the floor and poking his shoulder

tooru blinked and looked at him

‘huh?’

‘i ask if you want to read my book with me, oji. mama say she happy but you still sad so my book make you happy’

not even an hour of meeting him, oikawa tooru already loves him

the volleyball player nodded and yozora offered a tiny hand to which he accepted

‘this way. mama say to read so she make food. i like food, do you like food, oji? i like food. i like milk bread. mama say papa like it so i like what papa like. i want papa to come home. sit there’

tooru’s heart beat faster every word his child uttered and it even went faster when he saw yozo struggle to get up on the couch

the pair of big hands that brought him on the cushion made him happily sigh then uttered a small ‘thank you’

‘my mama say that my papa give me my book and say to take care of it until he come back. and she say he come back when im a master of space! so i study and read my book every day and know all so papa can hurry home!’

tooru didnt even notice tears falling down his face until yozo blinked up at him with his small hands grasping his cheeks to wipe it off

‘why you cry, oji? no sad! no sad! here! i read my book so you not cry’

he babbled and quickly pried the book open and read out the words on the page, not realizing he was saying most of it wrong

that book was oikawa’s

the book that he read all the time in the bus and now, it was passed on to his son

you leaned against the wall and gasped at the sight of yozo just babbling and oikawa crying

‘yoyo-kun? what did you do to tooru?’

you fussed and sat down next to oikawa

yozo worriedly looked at him and now his own eyes were watering and soon enough, you have 2 boys crying in your living room

GURL IM SORRY BUT I WOULDA KICKED OUT OIKAWA LIKE NOT EVEN OFFER HIM TEA OR ANYTHING IM SORRY IM TIRED AND IDK WHATS GOING ON

‘a-ah, y-yozo! yozo-kun! oji is,,, just,,, uh,, sad because,, because pluto isnt a planet anymore!’

yozo sniffled and he went closer to oikawa

‘me too, oji. yoyo sad too because pluto is just small. other planet are onii-chan and onee-chan but pluto is baby so they not like him’

he rambled and oikawa pulled him closer

‘mama, can we keep oji? nana-san and katsu-san will like him! promise!’

you couldnt even believe what was going on right now

not only did your baby daddy ex-boyfriend suddenly pop up, your son was now wanting to keep him

you made a move to of course deny his request but oikawa opened his mouth first

‘yozora-kun, of course you could keep me. im your papa, after all’

OKAY THAT WAS IT

YOU DID NOT WANT HIM TO SAY THAT TO YOZORA

out of shock, you slapped him across the face

causing yanno what happened

oikawa screamed

a/n: yoooooo SO LIKE THIS IS RIDICULOUS LIKE THIS IS BOOTY IM SORRY BUT THIS IS ALSO IN MY GOING TO EDIT LIST AND I CHOSE THIS OUT OF MY 10 OTHER VERSIONS OF THIS ROUTE AND I MAY OR MAY NOT RELEASE ANOTHER ONE JUST TO MAKE UP FOR IT. but try not to let this flop 🥺 👉👈

ALSO CHI THAT K+Y AND THE T+Y IS ON THE WORKS RN AND IM LIKE HALF WAY DONE SO I MIGHT RELEASE THEM BOTH AT THE SAME TIME

[washymylifeaway]

Haikyuu SakuAtsu fanfic recs: series edition ;)

ALRIGHT LOVES, BUCKLE UP! IM FORCING MYSELF TO FIND MOTIVATION LOL

As I was making that cursed SakuAtsu fanfic rec post (it really is cursed, but it’ll get done eventually cause I do love the SakuAtsu too much, when tho? only god know LOL), I decided that if I’m gonna finish it, imma have to break it up. SO that’s why this is our lovely series edition post LOL. Originally, it WAS writers, tags, series, then single fics BUT I decided to scrap tags and even then I was like it’s too long..... And so, this post materialized LOL (mayhaps writers next? who knows anymore cause I certainly don’t LOL). These are ONLY some of the series that I absolutely adore, and I say some because 1) the tag is literally like 4k fics long and I was on like page 20 something and I have SO many tabs open rn for SakuAtsu, so chances are I missed one or five LOL :’((((( and 2) my ao3 account hasn’t been made yet (should’ve done this a looooooong time ago) and so I don’t have them all saved anywhere :( (these just sound like excuses LMFAO) So these are just the ones I saw and was like OOP I LOVE and then added LOL (and so they’re in no particular order hehe). I also didn’t *** any of them cause they’re all so freakin good and even if you randomly chose one, you will not be disappointed.

As per usual, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for series and each individual fic before reading and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

I would also be more careful cause there are a lot more TW in these fics than other ships!

Terminal Curiosity by favspacetwink, moonlumie (E) // CHECK WARINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES!!! this is one of the BEST series I’ve read for this ship and even though I tend not to read WIP, IT’S WORTH IT! Please read ALL the tags before going into any of the fics in this series because there’s some real spicy stuff that may not be your cup of tea!

your highs and lows by astroeulogy (T,M,E) // this fic made me go on a roller coaster of feels from start to (tentative) finish :))) It’s great and I love it AHHHHH The progression in their relationship is just so ajfkjsf, and I just adore how Atsumu just broke(?) during that first fic and the number of double takes he did, v relatable LOL.

Different Kinds of Dysfunctional by DeathBelle (T,E) // I LOVE the entrance to this fic and how it flowed so well. I think Atsumu is characterized really well throughout this series (I could totally see Atsumu bringing the same thing up over and over again LOL), and his development was done beautifully (You just want to make me say it.,,, Kinda, yeah.). I really freakin love this series so please go ahead and read it don’t be shy hehehe.

we call everything on the ice, "love" by awkwardedgeworth (T) // I LOVE this fic omg,,, it’s in series, but it’s only two fics LOL... Anyway, Notte Stellata is one of my favorite SakuAtsu fics and I have reread it way TOO many times and the fanpage fic IS SO AMAZING (AND FUNNY ASF PLS). I really love ice skating AU’s too so this really made this ‘series’ all the more better <333333

know you better & related stories by theglitterati (T,M,E) // this is definitely one of the best relationship development series I’ve read, I love it so much! It really touches all the bases, and the progression is just SO good. It really is the fic version of the get along shirt, extended edition LOL.

flutterbird (a collection of sakuatsu one-shots) by wordstruck (T,M,E) // this series is such an easy pick up because it’s a bunch of one-shots (esp. if you’re not into smut cause there is some), BUT all of them are def worth a read. Personally, the third one, the sakusa kiyoomi listography, is my favorite (cause imma sucker for Sakusa), but that’s just personal preference hehe :)

Atsumu + Sakusa + The National = ? by isaksara (syailendra) (T,M) // this is another stand alone fic series but with AUs :D I don’t even know like most (ie. all) of the references (LMFAO), but I still read all of them LOL. Again, a personal favorite (without any references LOL) is the second one, famous angels (never come through england), it’s really funny and good and I just love it okay?

Better For Us Both by abrandnewheart (M) // (this was CP from my angst fic rec post LOL tho it is slightly edited cause istg my writing style changes every post LOL) THE MUG FIC. There is a sequel and when I saw it, it took me another week to read it cause I was like,,, am I ready to have my heart break again? No LOL. But the sequel is actually not as angst (but there’s still angst), so if you want to be like semi-broken or whatever, just read the sequel LOL (also it’s Sakusa POV HEHE). It’s so sad and it made me physically hurt every time someone even mentioned mugs afterwards (LOL why am I so dramatic but it’s the truth :///). Go ahead and hurt with me. You should read it even if you don’t like angst because you know what they say, no pain no gain :’)

parallax error: angle of inclination by min_mintobe (T) // okay so technically this ‘isn’t a series’, but it is two fic that are related, and what is that if not A SERIES :DDDDD Anyway, I really love this fic enough that I would find loopholes in my own dang post to recommend it LOL. I really love the service ace bet between Sakusa and Atsumu (I do think it is a superior headcannon (it’s hc right?)) but I also love what’s left unsaid by both in each other’s POVs hehe. If you want to go straight to Sakusa’s POV (cause their different POVs of the same fic), here it is parallax error: line of sight. You can read either first, but I recommend you read both eventually :)

to make any other mistake by honeymilktea (rosevtea) (T) // I, myself, am a very big fan of college Haikyuu (tho idk if it seems like that LOL), and this fic is very much up my alley hehe. I really like the idea that they are both TA’s and that Atsumu would totally bribe Sakusa into fake dating him as well as Sakusa wearing his brightest outfits to spite Atsumu.

How Do You Know? by awkwardedgeworth (T) // these fics are both so funny omg. The google search histories, the trial and error, and just everything in these two fics gives me so much dopamine LOL. There’s one POV for both end of the ship, though their tragedies are slightly different.

the human disaster chronicles by firtree (G,T) // is this another Atsumu gay panic fic? Yes, yes it is and I have absolutely no shame in recommending it hehe. I realllllllly like this fic and Atsumu having a break down cause Sakusa didn’t follow his routine? It is the move. Anyway, pls read this series cause like the title suggests, it really is a disaster (but at least there’s love right? LOL).

I Love You (Though it's Inadvisable) by Anubis_2701 (T) // okay the series itself is a wip (as in only one fic for now LOL), but the fic is so good, I couldn’t leave it off :))))) First, I do love a good soulmate AU and although I’m not a big fan on the body switching AUs, THIS one was SO good!!! It gets really cheesy and fluff at the end, but the beginning of this fic was just so immaculate, that we’re gonna ignore how much the ending made me want to stick my head into a hole (cause it was so FLUFF OMG).

The Germaphobe and the Asshole by metaandpotatoes (T,E) // so this series is also actually a WIP, but it’s okay I only read the first and the last one anyway cause they’re basically stand alone’s LOL. This series focuses a lot on Sakusa’s mysophobia, so if you’re not a fan of the hc, you should prolly pass hehe. TBH, my favorite is the third one, Avoidance Behavior, but that’s mainly cause I really like SunaOsa and I love the brother bond in it!

you are the cause of my euphoria by SugarHighs (T) // ajsfljksadhjkdfk is my first thoughts while reading this series cause ATSUMU WOULD. He would start posting thirst trap pics (which really reminded me of Wonho) in order to prove he was the most good looking member of MSBY. Tho, we do love the clowning of one Sakusa Kiyoomi, as done in the third fic (PLEASE NUMBER 17 AND Cheezel). Even if you can’t get yourself to read the other fics, read the third one, 5 Ways To Tell If The Person You're Dating Is The One, for the free serotonin boost plsplspls.

'basis' - noun. the underlying foundation for an idea or process. by auvelli (T) // like I said, college AU is a great AU, love it. This one, I do love indeed. We do stan having microwaves and mini fridges hehe. I support the ramen endeavors but oatmeal is gross, I said what I said. Anyway, I love the tags in the second fic, so even if you don’t end up reading it, read the tags,,,, they’re funny okay?

and i press you to the pages of my heart by volchitsae (T) // I LOVE THIS ONE, teehee again the college AU makes another appearance LOL. I REALLY love this writer, and this one is so funny but cute at the same time. It’s another two POV fic, but you’ll want to read this one in order hehe. Again, the ending is so FLUFF, that my head wanted to take a visit to the underground BUT ITS OKAY.

affection and acid reflux by volchitsae (T) // so the first fic is ~angst~ but IT GETS BETTER OKAY, happy endings. HAPPY ENDINGS. Anyway, there’s some really cute Sakusa in this one (esp. when he talks to the boy at the village LOVE HIM) and a healthy amount of angst as well. I really like this fic and guess what it is? Say it with me, COLLEGE AU LOL.

how big the hourglass, how deep the sand by volchitsae (E) // did I just recommend the same writer three times in a row? Yup and I think that says something LOL (tbh I like some of their stand alone fics more tho LMFAO but that doesn’t mean these series are bad nononono not at ALL (this sounded sarcastic but that was not the intention LOL)). This one is ~magical~ (v literally) and has some kinky stuff (holy water ftw) in it, so tread carefully :) I would make sure to read the tags before each one because it gets kinda steamy LOL.

^^ if I had to choose between these three, I liked and i press you to the pages of my heart the most just cause the plot was my type LOL. But they’re all good hehe.

a study on you(th) and reverie by sieges (G,T) // this series is such a sad series :( The first two are the only SakuAtsu but the third one is an angst Osamu one so there’s that LOL (and ofc the fourth one is KuniYama (is that their ship name idk)) But the first one is a moving on fic (which I liked) and the second is like basically a fake break up (which I liked more LOL) and both have some nice shares of angst and fluff so choose your battles wisely (or just read both LOL).

Burden of Blame by DeathBelle (E) // CHECK WARINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES!!! ah yes, the mafia fic LOL. I REALLY LOVE THIS FIC. I felt so bad for Atsumu the entire fic and yes it is, ATSUMU BEST BOY time. Did I really just recommend this series AGAIN for the THIRD TIME in THREE SEPARATE POSTS? Apparently LMFAO I didn’t even know TBH LOL. I just really like this one,,,,,, okay? But pls Atsumu just here for the ride man cause he BEST BOY. Anyway, if you want to see my other comments of this fic that I forgot I did links here :D (links and here are two separate links to two separate posts LOL).

OKAY so that’s most of the series that I saw and was like gotta put this here LOL. And do you see how long this is (I know I’m missing so many series I like istg when I find them later imma cry or just make another post LOL).... Can you imagine how long my actual fic fic one is LOL (i’m not kidding tho it’s so long I might just do fics with their actual summaries instead of adding my invalid, piss poor reviews :/). Ugh the more I think about it, the more I lose motivation to finish LMFAO, so imma go be no thoughts head empty, but I hope you enjoyed reading these series! I love SakuAtsu SO much, so there’s lots more to come (is that good or bad idek). I know I was kinda lazy on the warnings (my bad), so I hope you all were attentive and made sure to check before reading! Also if there are any errors, send me a message/ask! PLS, they’re v embarrassing LOL. (Also tell me if I forget to cap my I’s bc I do that sometimes and I can’t tell cause of the font LMFAO.) The way my posts get slightly more chaotic every time I post LOL.

[darke15]

Okay okay theres just a crazy amount of stuff and info at this point i need to make sure i got everything (important) right and im on the same page

‼️‼️SPOILER WARNING ‼️‼️

‼️ LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU'Re NOT CAUGHT UP WITH BSA SPOILER WARNING ‼️

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

- aerocell: spies into everything you want. Aftermath destroyed it in ch5, but still novak and wraith (and ace?) got their hands on one.

- from ghosties pov of the ambush we knew that everyone was dead but maybe not, cause they're all thinking wraith=danny // from the ambush flashback we have rn we only see ghost bejng taken by ws, not even ollie whos later.. ehm ☠?

- while alpha team is terminated and ghost is "dia", duke and boone come brielfy across ace

- in the months of novaks care, we know that the first thing he wanted was the super soldier serum formula (cause ghostie was a bad bad bi and destroyed his bunker in colombia where he had done some progress?) ; he did try to make ghostie his little soldier, but she escapes nonetheless

- ghost is found, aftermath is slowly but surely growing

- averngers shenanigans and ghost working for shield as a mechanic // ca:ws oh no novak is still alive, oh hello there bucky // bucky stays with ghost and move out to new eden// sokovia happens // bucky and ghost fight - bucky goes to europe - ghost back in aftermath// avengers and aftermath meet // little ace easteregg in berlin // first look on wraith being unstable bc of faulty serum in chile //

- vienna happens - bucky stays with aftermath (?days) and then goes with the avengers// red room shenanigans// look at that, we have novak and wraith in hk after 2 months//

- "you're the last functioning sample of his work" talk + novak "he's still (bucky) a weapon we can wield against her"// HK blood sample + wraith isnt brainwashed (frick) but put in cryo (at least got one right)

We have seen a lot from wraith and novak working together, but very little of them working with ace and that... the Unknown of that (other than everythingelse ).. scares me.

Also the evil gang having access to every server thx to aerocell (i dont remember how they got that) AND having access into tony's network(from prague?).. thats a whole giant mess right there too.

Im so excited to see how all this is going to play out: thank you for the serotonin, darke ❤

Hello there! Let's get into this !!!

🛑 spoilers below if you're not caught up 🛑

- AEROCELL :

A precursor to Project Insight (CA:TWS). Originally made to track the US Army's movements and emergency protocols, it could be easily weaponized in the wrong hands. It was created by the US Government and, as we learn in Season 1 of The Soldier and The Spy, the Ace of Spades had a hand in its creation. In CH5, Aerocell's terminal is destroyed but not before Commander Weston transferred its data and handed it over to the proper authorities.

The Commander also found evidence of the Ace of Spades' involvement in the project when the piece of the terminal was collected (TS&TS S1E3, The Agent) and given to Boone to analyze.

The Aerocell Project eventually turned into SHIELD's Project Insight and was weaponized before being taken down by Cap, Natasha, Sam, and Ghost.

- THE AMBUSH :

From what y'all know about the Ambush™️, everyone on Alpha One was killed except for her and Ollie (who was later killed by Novak) we'll get more into what exactly happened in a Flashback chapter that's coming up so I'm not gonna get into the details here....

- while alpha team is terminated and ghost is "dia", duke and boone come brielfy across ace

Yup

- in the months of novaks care, we know that the first thing he wanted was the super soldier serum formula (cause ghostie was a bad bad bi and destroyed his bunker in colombia where he had done some progress?) ; he did try to make ghostie his little soldier, but she escapes nonetheless

Again, yesssssss.

After destroying the bunker in Columbia, all of Novak's research was also destroyed. However, Ghost did get a look at his research and therefore somewhere in the back of her head, she knew his formula.

Which is what he wanted and what he killed ollie over.

- ghost is found, aftermath is slowly but surely growing

yes

- averngers shenanigans and ghost working for shield as a mechanic // ca:ws oh no novak is still alive, oh hello there bucky // bucky stays with ghost and move out to new eden// sokovia happens // bucky and ghost fight - bucky goes to europe - ghost back in aftermath// avengers and aftermath meet // little ace easteregg in berlin // first look on wraith being unstable bc of faulty serum in chile //

✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️

- vienna happens - bucky stays with aftermath (?days) and then goes with the avengers// red room shenanigans// look at that, we have novak and wraith in hk after 2 months//

✔️ Bucky was with Boone on the Alliance for 3 weeks before he's transferred to the Avengers and The Red Room begins ✔️

- "you're the last functioning sample of his work" talk + novak "he's still (bucky) a weapon we can wield against her"// HK blood sample + wraith isnt brainwashed (frick) but put in cryo (at least got one right)

Yup yup yup

Also the evil gang having access to every server thx to aerocell (i dont remember how they got that) AND having access into tony's network(from prague?).. thats a whole giant mess right there too.

We have seen a lot from wraith and novak working together, but very little of them working with ace and that... the Unknown of that (other than everythingelse ).. scares me.

Don't worry Ace is on his way into the fold

Wraith made some fun little modifications so that it tracks programs and how they work instead of people

Im so excited to see how all this is going to play out: thank you for the serotonin, darke ❤

Thank you so much 🥰🥰 I'm so glad you like it and I was able to make you a little bit happy 🖤🖤🖤

And don't forget to check out the Timeline I haven't updated it in a bit but it has most of the important bits in there 🖤🖤🖤

[bangtanger]

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of 

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 

❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

[snickerdoodlles]

Everytime you and @jemmo have a conversation about bad buddy in comments/reblogs, my serotonin levels peak. Is there some easy way to find them without going through each post, or could one of you possibly make a master post of them 👉👈

Also wanted to say that I'm unreasonably excited for the assassin AU and i hope you're planning on writing even more for it now that you've posted it on ao3 ❤️❤️❤️

omg thank you?? our convos are so feral lol, but im glad you're enjoying them!!

i'll see what i can do to collect posts and i'll definitely add a section to my bbs masterpost the next time i update it. but i actually don't remember all the post convos jemmo and i have had so far?? 🤔 i tried looking thru my bbs tag yesterday but there's um. A Lot in that tag, plus sometimes i forget to reblog the posts i mostly reply to whoops

off the top of my head, there's:

yesterday's post of Pat crushing melons with thighs

this ask about PranKorn friendship & Pran messing with Korn

this post about "come here" (check replies) (this is the post that inspired come here.)

this post about Pran & his hard drive use (check replies)

and this meta ramble about the ep7 cut off confession

i could've sworn we had more, goodness knows how much fun we had making each other cry before eventually bouncing to DMs, but I'm totally forgetting what else we talked about in posts ajkfd

@jemmo can u think of anything i missed? and/or call for help to the masses if there was some post between the two of us that you remember & liked 💦💦

im sorry this is all i have so far nonny, my mind is like a sieve 😂😭 but i will link what i can find in that main masterpost for ease of navigation 👍

(also aajkf THANK U, im glad you're enjoying assassin AU!!! yet another thing inspired by a convo with jemmo, which is just going to become my new tagline at this rate 😂😂 i do have plans to update it hopefully soon, there's just uhm. A Lot of WIPs going atm, and my inspo for assassin AU comes in waves > <;; )