#im just so exhausted all niceness has left my body

[nedsseveredhead]

We finally got a manager and assistant so i finally was supposed to have my two days off and ive spent this one fully being ill as hell recovering from exhaustion from the past few weeks only to get a call that the assistant who had his tooth pulled two days ago still isnt feeling well enough to come in so i gotta go and cover the shift tomorrow. Im gonna kill him.

[elsfairy]

emi my love, can i request a scream! ellie or abby for halloween? i’m planning on writing one as well but i’d love to see how you’d pull it off. (amazingly ofc🤭)

oh my.... the way you’re trusting me with this..... 😳 me lowkey not knowing if you wanted smut, but we all know im a whore for it. for you, i did my best so i hope this is what you wanted, baby 💗

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ 𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐌𝐘 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄, 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 — a. anderson

Tonight was a cold evening, colder than usual, especially with it being Halloween. You had spent most of your afternoon going into the evening, slowly but perfectly getting together a little candlelight dinner for your girlfriend, Abby. It was your 2 year anniversary and you wanted tonight's dinner to be a lot more special than when it was your one year. Thankfully you hadn’t had kids and their parents knocking on your door, smiling and asking for candy so that gave you even more time to pick out the perfect outfit, find the best makeup looks and finish it off with the sweetest perfume.

There was only one slight problem in the plan you had ready for tonight . . . she was late. In fairness to her, she had to work a long shift tonight so you knew her schedule was going to be a little crazy but you only received the ‘i won’t be able to make it tonight’ text 30 minutes ago. You were defeated, you felt stupid and you were exhausted from spending so much time on your feet, trying to make something perfect for her, for you both, only for it to be ruined because she had to work late. It wasn’t unusual for her to be late, but it was weird because she promised she would be here. She even said she had an extra surprise for you, so why the sudden change?

At first, you were waiting for another text saying she was just kidding and that she would be home soon, but it never came. You had gotten tired of watching the minutes tick by on the clock in the kitchen from where you sat in the living room, and with a defeated sigh, you dropped the napkin you had resting on your lap, onto the table and pushed your chair out to make your way to the bedroom.

Your hand had just reached the door handle of your bedroom when the sound of your phone, the one you left on the dining room table, had started to ring which had you turning around, sprinting to it, hoping and praying that it was Abby and she had somehow managed to get someone to cover her shift to be home with you.

“Hello?” Your voice cheerful.

“What’s your favourite scary movie?” The voice, one you didn’t recognise came from the other side of the phone.

The smile you had on your face dropped, frustration and sadness took over quickly. Rolling your eyes at the stupid question, you continued your way to your bedroom. “I’m not in the mood for your questions” came your snarky, bitter reply. “How’d you even get this number?”

“Oh, c’mon everyone has a favourite scary movie”

“I don’t. I’m really not in the mood for this bullshit”

“Is that why you look so miserable in such a pretty dress?”

The air was suddenly knocked from your lungs, your body turning around abruptly as your eyes were looking everywhere. Confused about how this stranger, who you’ve never met, knows exactly what you’re wearing and just how fuckin’ miserable you look. “I don’t know what sick game you’re playing, but know that my girlfriend is on the way home from work, and i won’t hesitate to call the police. Do you hear me?”

Not wanting to entertain this douche any longer than you already had, you hurriedly hung up the phone, almost throwing it with how frustrated you were with how ruined this night had become for you. All you wanted was a nice night with the woman you loved, eating something you both adore and instead, you had some idiot prank calling you at your worst. It was indeed a shitty night and you wanted nothing more than to take a warm bath and sleep the night away. 

Your body had just reached the end of the bed when the sound of the floorboards beneath you had creaked. The only fucked up floorboard in the apartment that you had been telling Abby for months to try and sort out. It wasn’t your foot that caused it, you always avoided that one out of habit when your girl has been working all day, and tried to avoid waking her up in the early hours of the morning. The hair on the back of your neck stood quickly, and your body on it’s own accord turned just slightly to spot the figure— a tall, broad-shouldered figure standing in your doorway. Face covered with a mask you thought was familiar but couldn’t really name right now, and their head tilted, just watching you.

For some reason you didn’t feel panic, your heart was racing sure, but the longer you both just watched each other, you didn’t feel any need to instantly throw something at your intruder. However, the panic raised in you slightly when the figure took one step forward as you took one back. A subtle yet soft gasp had slipped past your lips when your back gently knocked into the wall, your hand trying to grip something to stop yourself from falling flat on your face. “Careful, wouldn’t want you falling over on me now”

The voice sounded like one you had recognised but it was so muffled by the current mask, it was making it hard for you to understand and put your finger on it. Your heart picked up the pace and started beating a little faster, where the fuck was Abby? Why were you not screaming? Trying to push them away? Something about them seemed so . . . comforting but maybe you were just slightly delusional from the half glass of wine you had.

You hadn’t realized you had zoned out slightly until the feeling of fingers grazing your jaw, pulled you out of your trance, your lips part at realizing just how close they are to you. The feeling of them being so familiar with you still resides in your chest, and it isn’t until you hear that fuckin’ breathless chuckle that your knees buckle.

“Abby?” 

“You really think i would stand you up on our anniversary, baby?”

You simply couldn’t focus on what she was saying because you were too focused on the hand she had groping your tits, somehow already pulling your dress down to get a view of them, her fingers pinching at your already hardened nipples, while her other hand is sliding up your dress, already slipping into your panties. With a groan she leans more into you, pushing you more into the wall, the feeling of your slick covering her fingers. “Jesus Christ, you get so fuckin’ wet. This turn you on that much?”

With the way her fingers were rubbing circles on your clit, spreading your slick over your folds, and how good her hand was on your tit, you couldn’t form one correct sentence, and the only thing that you were letting out was whimpers and whines into her shoulder, nails bluntly digging into her arm. “wanna see you, please? please let me see you Abs” You beg softly, your back arching off the wall when those thick fingers tease your hole.

“Yeah? c’mon then pretty girl, take it off for me”

The second those words came from her mouth, your hands moved quickly, gripping the bottom of the mask, and pulling it off swiftly. Her blonde locks cascade down her shoulders, flyways framing her face, and your heart melted at the sight of her blue eyes looking at you with such a soft look, and a grin making it’s way onto her face. “Knew you were freaky, but not this freaky”

Before you had time to defend yourself or bite back at her words, she slipped her fingers inside your cunt, your walls instantly trapping them and the action caused her to grunt into your neck, while you were gasping out her name softly at the intrusion. The sounds leaving you were driving her crazy, and sending her brain into a frenzy. You always made the prettiest sounds, and she would keep doing everything possible to hear them.

Resting her forehead against yours, the squelching sound your cunt was making rang through her ears loudly and she could feel her own cunt clenching around nothing at how good you felt, how good you sounded, and how pretty you begged “Say my name, baby” She whispered breathlessly against you.

“Abby . . ”

Rubbing your clit with her thumb, you almost felt winded at the extra attention, and Abby was quick to remove her hand from your tits, to wrap her arm around your waist to keep you up, and steady. You had to use all your remaining strength because her touch always did make you fuzzy and light-heade, to cling onto her, while her eyes darted between your pretty lips that parted with such soft moans, and down where she watched her fingers disappear inside your cunt.

Your hand had caught her wrist quickly when her thrusts sped up just slightly, grinding yourself into her touch, your legs fell even weaker when she chuckled in your ear, her fingers still pumping in and out of you at a fast but gentle pace.

“Good, because it’s the only thing you’ll be screaming tonight”

[knightfcll]

nightcap

welt x reader, 1.6k

note: 🤪 im like not even caught up but i love this gilf tew much okay bye. My first reader fic on da blog, blease be nice 2 me <3

content notes: ❗️❗️🔞🔞🔞❗️❗️ explicit smut here, minors do NOT interact!!! Reader is gender neutral, no specific references to pronouns/body type/genitalia for reader, brief oral sex, penetrative sex, reader calls welt “mr yang” a lot 🥴

The Astral Express is quiet. You've finally returned after another long and difficult journey on another strange, new planet. Everyone else has retired to their own rooms for a well deserved rest, but you still wander the halls. Mr. Yang had stayed behind for this assignment and to say that you felt his absence was an understatement.

You had lasted all of five minutes in your own bed before throwing off the covers and deciding to seek him out. Without the exhaustion of adventure weighing him down, he's likely still awake, perhaps poring over a newspaper from your latest excursion. You make sure to bring one back for him if he's not there; he says it's so he can get a better idea of what effect the Stellaron's had on the planet, but you see how quickly he turns to the comic strips. You'll catch him doodling the characters later, sometimes changing their features, doing two and three different sketches that he thinks you won't see.

You're only half right. You find him almost exactly as you'd imagined when you slip into his room, except his brows are furrowed. He's tapping a pencil against the paper.

“Need any help, Mr. Yang?”

He looks at you briefly before returning to his crossword puzzle. "Evening. And yes."

You smile and saunter towards him, crawling onto the bed eagerly. He opens his arms without prompting, allowing you to settle into his lap with your back to his chest. He has most of it filled out already, with only the bottom left grid glaringly empty. Mr. Yang is one of the smartest people, which is why you like to tease him when he has to ask you for help with these things, but he's also the most mature, which accounts for the good natured chuckle you typically get in response.

"What's the clue?"

"Eight letters. 'Hot term for a recent admirer.'"

You make a show of scrunching up your face and delicately take the pencil from him. Your handwriting isn't quite as neat as his, but finds a certain charm in it.

Welt hums appreciatively. "'New flame.' I think you could be right."

You beam. "Bested by the newcomer, Mr. Yang. You'll have to ask me to explain strange things out in the wild next time we leave the Express."

He chuckles. He thinks it's cute when you try to tease him like this; you're all bark and no bite, really. You fold as soon as he gets his hands on you.

Like right now, as his fingers ghost over your thigh. You lean into it as much as you can, but he's so good at holding back. It's the sweet sting of having someone like Welt for a lover: a wealth of experience to keep you satisfied for hours on end, but the patience and precision needed to keep you just on edge until he thinks you're ready.

"Did you need something?" He says it so casually, like he doesn't know your skin is burning underneath him.

You turn your head to look at him. It's there again, that little bit of sharpness in his gaze that seems to go right through you. He's already thinking about all the ways he can unmake you.

"Just you," you say, waiting the precious few moments it takes for the spark to ignite.

Welt kisses you, softly at first. His hands roam over your thighs, just ghosting underneath your sleep shorts. You whine the third time he does it, unable to handle the loss of his touch. He pulls away.

“Patience.”

You pout. He notices everything. “I’m not impatient.”

He humphs in disbelief. “Don’t make a sound until I tell you to.”

Any other night, you might protest his rigidity. Be the brat he likes you to be, until you’re a sobbing mess in hands, begging him to just fuck you and stop teasing. Tonight, however, you’re inclined towards obedience. You hush up and wait the agonizing few moments that he waits, watching for any sign of defiance. Satisfied, he kisses you again, hungrier this time, sliding his tongue over yours. You hold back a moan when he digs his fingers into your thighs.

Welt pushes you down. He trails his lips down your body, over your chest, your sensitive nipples. He halts just below your belly button, kissing the skin lightly while he pulls down your shorts. You shiver once your exposed to the cool air.

Anticipation burns inside you when he pulls your leg up and over his shoulder. He slowly teases your entrance with his tongue, giving it slow, featherlight licks that he soon follows up with a finger.

“Mr. Yang,” you say, unable to resist calling out as he speeds up.

He doesn’t respond, choosing to punish you instead by letting up. He knows it’s agony, feeling his warm breath on you where you need him most.

It’s too much. You give up on obedience and let desperation take hold as you grab at welt’s shoulders and pull him in to kiss you. Your taste lingers on his tongue. “Mr. Yang, please…“

Welt palms at your ass. It’s a nice reminder that he’s far more affected by you than he typically comes off. Although his words are often measured and his tone even, the way he touches you is nothing short of ravenous.

“Tell me what you need, sweetheart.”

You’re on the brink of tears now. Your legs are locked around his hips, his fingers are rubbing and pinching your nipple. He knows, but he likes to make you say it. “Mr. Yang, please, please,”

He doesn’t budge. You reach for the drawstring on his pants yourself, but he grabs your hand and brings it to his mouth instead. “You can speak, can’t you? Use your words.”

You watch as he pulls your finger into his mouth, sucking on it lightly. He’ll keep going, ignoring your pleas while he toys with you long past the rising of the sun. He’s done it before.

You draw a shaky breath.

“Mr. Yang, I need you inside me.”

You wait for his response. He almost looks bored, that half-awake look he gets when he’s quizzing you on the values of each Aeon with hands roaming across your chest.

He kisses your palm. “Keep going.”

“Welt,” his given name falls from your lips, a strained whisper that sets Welt on edge, “please fuck me, I can’t take it anymore, please.“

Welt lets go of your hand. He disentangles himself from you fully, ignoring your desperate whines. You hear his pants fall to the floor and then he’s hovering over you again, sliding a hand under your shoulder.

“Turn around.”

You hear him, but you’re too distracted by the sight of his weeping cock to really pay attention. He sighs and gently lifts you, maneuvering you so you’re on your hands and knees with your back to him.

Tears of relief fall down your face when Welt drapes himself over your back. You feel him lining himself up with your entrance. You shudder when he finally enters you. His grip on your waist tightens. He lets his cock stay sheathed in you for an agonizing moment before he pulls out and starts to set a rhythm. The slow friction stirs something in Welt; he lets go of your waist and covers your hand with his own. He curses above you and moves in closer, his breath warm against the shell of your ear.

“I want to hear you. Please,” Welt gasps. It makes your heart skip.

You call out to him, moaning his name in a quiet voice that gets louder and louder as his thrusts quicken. Your words become more frantic, endless declarations of how much you need him interrupted by broken sobs of pleasure. Welt speaks your name, too, in between ragged breaths and the rapid stuttering of his hips, curses falling from his lips in a constant prayer.

“Mr. Yang,” you say, because you know how his breathing stops when you call him that, just like the first time it did when he had you on your knees in his bedroom, “Mr. Yang, I love you.”

Welt’s final thread of composure snaps. He hooks his arm around your throat and buried his face in your neck. His hips slap against you harder than before, but he still has the presence of mind to reach down and tease you one last time to put you over the edge. Waves of ecstasy roll through as you give one final, strangled shout.

Welt follows soon after, his thrusts becoming increasingly erratic until he buries himself to the hilt and groans deep into your skin. You both slump forward, breathing heavily. He kisses your neck sloppily before finally pulling out with a sigh. He pulls you once to get you to clean up, but you don’t budge, a telltale look of bliss on your face. He gives up and leaves you, returning with clean cloths to wipe you down. You watch him from the corner of your eye as he flips you onto your back and takes care of you.

“Thanks, Welt.”

He smiles softly, but doesn’t look at you, focused on his task. He climbs back into the bed once he’s done, flat on his back. You lean over and rest your head on his chest.

Exhaustion weighs you down suddenly. Even though you left the mission early to see Welt, the trip back to the express hadn’t been easy. It feels like you’ll drift off into sleep as soon as you close your eyes. So you do, but not before reaching up to kiss Welt just under his chin.

[marcellaasblog]

My maid.

Main masterlist

Summary: You needed the extra money really bad, so your best friend Sidney shows you a way she makes money and how you can too,but this job has a little dirty twist to it.

Warnings for the whole series:angst,smut, fluff,alcohol, smoking,p in v, squirting, daddy kink, digrating kink, pervert Eddie, insecure reader,dom Eddie,shy reader, jealous Eddie.

Author's notes: If their is incorrect spelling Im sorry and I'll definitely edit it later on.

This is inspired by a girl on TikTok thats a topless maid and I was very intrigued by it,so why not make into a fic.

Part 1 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5

Part 2

.

.

.

You and Sidney were in a rush this morning.

She was running all over the place grabbing her costume and other things she may need for today. You try to calm her down but all she was worried about was this Eddie guy and how he was gonna get pissed for being late and she can't lose a costume no matter how annoying they may be.

"Sid calm down." You Tell her as she frantically tries to find her keys she's throwing pillows everywhere she's moving furniture she's opening drawers she's just making a whole mess for herself to clean up later.

"We're my keys? Where are my keys? Where are my keys?" She asked, scattering her whole place around.

"Dude there in your hand." She looks down at her hand as she grunts feeling very annoyed because she just made a mess for no reason.

"Come on, let's go, I'll help you clean up later." You grab her hand as she picks up her duffle bags from the couch.

"We are never going out the day before I have an early shift." You can see Sidney is still tired and exhausted. Was Going to Eddie's place that big of a deal.

"Yeah yeah,I will cry about it later,let's just go before I change my mind."

.

.

.

As you and Sidney walk up to this Eddie guy's house,you curiously look around this new environment. It was a little messy outside, bear bottles and cigarette buds all over the grass and plants In Front of his house.

Sidney, already annoyed by it all not even wanting to do this shift, bangs on Eddie's door looking back at you, giving you that "I don't wanna do this." Type of look.

The door opens and stands a tall man with fluffy brown short hair beauty marks all over his face as he flashes his pearly whites leaning on the door.

"Ahh Sidney my favorite girl, what brings you here?" Was this Eddie you though cause wow he was pretty.

"Move along Steve, where's Eddie?"

I guess that's not Eddie .

"Why didn't he ask for you? Steve said letting you and Sidney into the shared house.

"Uh yeah he did, he made an appointment 2 nights ago for me to come today." Sidney said, putting her bag down on the brown sofa.

Steve takes his eyes off of Sidney as he lets his eyes roam your body as he smirks at you .

"Who's your friend over here?" Steve asked, waving his finger at you.

"Y/n she's my childhood best friend, the one I talk about a lot." Sidney said, making her way into the hall.

"Ah so you're the best friend,well it's great to meet you named Steve". Steve said, shaking your hand.

You smile as you introduce yourself.

"Nice place you go here." You looked up at the ceiling, the walls and decorations; everything was so elegant and neat.

"Thanks, my dad left this house behind before he passed."

" oh shit I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought it up." You looked into his brown eyes.

"No, no, don't feel sorry." Steve said. "He was a douche anyways.

You huffed as you relaxed your shoulders.

A girl with short dirty blonde hair comes out from the back door.she looked sweaty and tired she had on a white muscle shirt and loose plants. You could see she was working outside by how messy her shirt was.

"Is Sidney here?" She asked, trying to catch her breath resting her hands on her knees.

"Yes robin she is getting changed." Steve relayed back with an annoyed tone..

"Cool,cool I'll be back then." Robin raced into the hallway seeing her short hair fly everywhere.

"What was that for?"

"Well, robin has a little crush." Steve huffs. "Who am I kidding? She has a MASSIVE crush on your friend.

Steve leans against the counter top sipping his drink."really Sidney. She has a crush on sidney."

Steve giggles "yeah why do you think we call her for?".

"Well she told me about a guy named Eddie." You looked at Steve confused.

" oh yeah no. She tells Eddie to call Sidney for her because she has too much of a baby to do it herself."

You nod your head at Steve. "Ohh" Steve laughs" yeah oh"

"So Eddie isn't a 30 year old pervert living in his mom's basement?" You had to ask just to be clear.

"God no,more of a 25 year old nerd that still plays dungeons and dragons and wears batman pajamas to bed that he has already outgrown since the 10th grade."

"Hey, don't make fun of my jammies." You heard a voice come from the hallway. You expected a bald short dude but nope you were wrong.. AGAIN.

Eddie was around 5'10, 5'11 you wanna say. He had long brown curly frizzy hair with uncut bangs that almost went over his eyes. He had really nice tattoos with bats on his arm and maybe more you couldn't really tell.

Eddie wanted to run into the hallway like Robin does everytime she sees Sidney. He was nervous. He shouldn't be this is his house too after all but God were you gorgeous. You had on these nice fitted black jeans that shaped your thighs nicely and a red turtleneck on that was a bit baggy but still showed off your curves.

"Hi you are?" You shook Eddie's hand feeling the warmth, smoothness of his palm and the thickness of his finger as they glazed over yours.

"Uhh umm y/n names y/n." You smiled at the boy.

Eddie giggled, noticing you were a big nervous or shy person.

"Well hi uhh, umm y/n, im Eddie." He mocked you.

"It's just y/n." You giggled, whipping your sweaty palms down your jeans.

"Yeah I know.so what brings you to the Munsons, Harrington, Buckley residents?" Eddie asked, patting Steve's shoulder as he walked past him to the kitchen.

"Hey, my name was supposed to be first." Steve pouted

"Oh shut it." You snorted at his and Steve's bickering.

"Anyways what brings you to hear sweetheart?" Eddie looks directly at you without breaking eye contact as he sips his juice. Little weird. Yeah.

"She's with sidney." Steve answered.

"Ohhh so robin wanted two this time, I see " Eddie snarked at Steve hitting his shoulder as Steve bowled his head .

"Oh no I'm not". Before you could finish Sidney came out from the restroom in a maid costume that covers barely anything and rides up her thighs. She has on no shirt or bra letting her boobs hang out freely.Your eyes widened at the state of your friend as you looked at her as she put her bag down on their couch.

"Well I'll get out of your lady's way,but y/n if you need anything just let me know my room is the last one to the right." Steve lets you know as he quickly disappears into the hallway.

You could hear whispers in the hallway as robin is pushed out of the hallway as she nervously leans on the wall almost missing the Wall as she crosses her feet stuffing her hand in her thrift stored pants.

Eddie laughs as he taps your shoulder.

"Have fun and make sure Robin doesn't faint." Her eyes follow up to Robin's flustered red face as she pulls her shirt collar away from her neck.

"Trust me she did it last time after your little friend left so just keep an eye on her Please." Eddie said, winking at you as he headed for the front door.

"I'LL BE HACK STEVE GONNA GO EAT LUNCH WITH WAYNE." Eddie said, taking his keys off the hook as he walked out of the front door in his black and yellow batman pants and blank top.

"I swear he's the one to call for me and never stays. What's the point of cleaning if he isn't gonna watch just like all the other customers?" Sid said as she walked to the kitchen rolling her eyes as she saw the stacked up dishes in the roommate's sink.

"That's what you think." You whispered to yourself.

"What was that?" Sid asked, tying her hair up into a low bun.

"Huh, oh nothing." You make eye contact with a robin biting down on your bottom lip looking back and forth at your best friend and the shy girl as you try to hide your smirk as robin puts her finger to her lips trying to shush you up.

"Well I'm on the couch, show me what you got." You tell sid making your way to the couch as you look back at robin looking down on her feet.

"Robin why don't you come join me will yah?" You pat the couch cushion letting her know to sit down by you as you smirked her way.

"Um, okay. sure." Robin said, fixing her shirt as she looked down at her feet as she sat by you as you grabbed her knee.

"Don't be nervous babe Trust me sid nice just enjoy yeah." You whispered into the girl's ear patting her knee.

She smiled as she moved her hair behind her ear.

"Okay."

.

.

.

Eddie came back 30 minutes later seeing your face buried into your hands as you tried to hide your laughed as you would look at your friend and back at robin who would stare at sidney with a blank stare and mouth dropped open it was like she left her body as she would roam your best friend body.

Eddie snickered as he joined you and Robin on the couch.

"Robin, close your mouth before a fly flies into it."

Robin snapped back into reality as she reached over your back hitting Eddie's shoulder.

"Shut up ass." She whispered through her teeth.

You snorted at Robin as you looked up at your friend as she rolled her eyes tieing up the kitchen trash bag.

"Okay kitchen done y/n your turn." Sidney walks into the kitchen as she grabs her bag, dropping it into your lap.

"Wait what?" Your blood rushes to your head a little nervous that you had to do the same thing the first day.

"Yup get up and go change." She pulled you up from the couch.

"How did you-" Sidney cut you off before you could finish.

"I looked through your clothes and found the size of your dresses and bought you one when we went to the lingerie store."

"Is that why you took forever?"

"Yup. go change and you're welcome." Your best friend smiled as she pats your shoulder as she lets her black hair fall down from her bun she made for the 4th time today.

"But I don't wanna show you know." You motion at your boobs.

"You don't have to, I bought you the full cover up costume."

You were a little relieved but still mad at Sidney for not warning you before.

"Are yall okay with this?" You asked Eddie and robin.

Eddie roams your body as he smirks looking back up at your eyes.

"I'm cool with it. Robin?" Eddie asked, looking at the girl as her eyes were still on your friend.

"Uhhh what? Oh yeah I'm cool with it." She said looking back at your friend.

"Alright then I'll be back."

You entered the hallway heading towards the bathroom not really needing to guess we're it was when there was a big sign outside of the door saying "Bathroom" with a poop emoji on top of the bold letters. You giggle as you enter their bathroom setting down the duffel bag on the toilet top locking the door.

You calmed yourself down, setting down your phone on the top of the toilet as you opened the black duffel wincing as you looked down.

You took out this beautiful full body maid outfit and yes it was a full outfit that won't show your boobs well not your whole boob.

The skirt was a bit short but they came with nice fitted fishnets.

You had a decent body, you were not skinny and all like your friend but you had a nice body , so you hoped these were your size.

Time for tryouts.

.

.

.

"So why the googly eyes Eddie." Robin asked as she shifted towards Eddie patting his knee to get his attention.

"What do you mean?" He asked

"Don't you know what I mean?" Robin nudged him in the shoulder.

Eddie arched his eyebrows as he stared at robin.

"Is it that obvious?" He asked worriedly, playing with the hems of his shirt.

"Yup." Robin said as she popped the p.

"Damnit." Eddie whispered.

"Who's making googly eyes?" Sidney asked as she sat down on the couch crossing her jacket over her chest.

"Eddie to your little friend." Robin blurts out.

Eddie smacks Robin's shoulder giving her the crazy eyes warning her to not say anything else.

Sidney shifted in her seat as she stared at Eddie scoffing at him as she turned her attention towards the tv.

Before Eddie and Robin could react to it they could hear the clock of the door shutting as their eyes made contact with the entrance of the hallway.

Eddie eye's eyes widened as he shifted in his spot and robin wowed as she traced your body with her eyes.sidney stared at you in spite as she got up from her seat heading to the kitchen.

"So how do I look?" You asked shifting in your shoes dropping Sidney duffle bags on the couch.

"You look" Eddie paused. "Wow. I mean you look good I like it." Eddie replied nervously rubbing the back of his neck, chuckling as Robin smirked at him.

"I think you look hot." Robin said, smiling at you as she turned her head towards Sidney that exited the kitchen with her keys and water bottle in her hand. She makes her way towards Eddie putting her hand out.

"My pay." She said

"Why are you leaving so soon?" Robin asked, rubbing her face in panic.

"I did my part so it's time to go." Sidney replies looking towards you.

"Y/n go get changed." You didn't question as you made your way towards the bathroom. You didn't know why the sudden Change in Sydney you thought was going to help you get the job but I guess not."

.

.

.

"Hey y/n?" Eddie asked as he saw you putting on your coat as you were heading towards the door with Sidney.

"Uh yes." You turned to Sidney before turning towards Eddie.

"Maybe next week you can come over we're having a party. It's just gonna be me, Robin, Steve and a couple of our other friends." He asked, messing with the back of his bracelet.

You smiled at Eddie jester " yeah I would like that can sidney come with her pretty much my ride." You laughed looking up at your brunette friend.

"Sure, why not let's go." She said, taking your hand as she made her way out the door.

"IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU." Eddie yelled as the door slammed shut.

"Someone got a little crush."

"Shut up robin."

Steve comes out from his room looking up from the uo from his phone looking at his two friends' confused faces.

"What did I miss?"

.

.

.

Sidney opens the door to her penthouse walking towards the refrigerator taking out a Jamaican me Happy seagram that she regularly drinks to whine down.

"So do I get the job." You asked as you took the bottle from her hand taking a swig of her peach and strawberry flavored drink.

Sidney huffs before answering. She knows you needed a job but she was confixing what to tell you because of the way she felt.

"Yes you have the job."

You jump in enjoyment hugging your Best friend, almost spilling her drink as you grab her face, kiss her cheek, and her forehead in happiness, thanking her for this opportunity.

"Okay okay stop." Sidney giggles, taking your hands off her face.

"Thank you really, you're amazing." Sidney blushed at your compliment.

"You're welcome, my best friend. I'll do anything for you."

You smiled before leaving another kiss on her cheek before getting up from your seat heading to the kitchen to get another drink for you and her.

"By the way. You still wanna go to Eddie's party Saturday or no cause we don't have too."

Sidney really didn't want to. But like she stated she would do anything for you, even if her feelings were getting hurt during the process.

"Fuck it why not." You did your little happy dance in your spot smiling at your best friend. She smiled at your state as her stomach rumbled in jealousy.

Sidney was definitely going to regret saying yes.

Taglist: @eddiesguitarskills @tiklick73 @kpge1218 @danielbrandt

The @ crossed out did not let me tag y'all sorry about that.

[lixisere777]

Drabble 02: Amidst the shadows and rain, there's Jungkook who becomes your sun instead

Wc: 2.7k

Mentions of: ocean water, crying, stress, knives and a bulgar (nothing happens), a bit suggestive, kissing and I think that's it?

Note: I've been working on this for months, it feels nice to finally get it done. I wanted to finish it especially now to comfort us after Jungkook left so aaah >.<. Hope you enjoy!

_________________________________________

The long, hectic week was finally catching up to you. You were exhausted, anxious, irritated and just in need of a warm cuddle session with your lovely boyfriend. One would think you felt relieved at this moment—now that this hectic week has come to an end—, but it felt like you were just destined for worse. Everything was going wrong, nothing went the way you planned it to. Now that it was finally over you expected to be greeted by the feeling of relief, but alas even on your way home, you were not left alone by the grip of misfortune clinging to you. It suddenly started raining and since the bus you wanted to take decided to be a no-show you had to walk home. Without a jacket. Great.

It wasn't raining that hard so you thought it didn't matter, but you arrived home in soaking wet clothes anyway after a car passing by caused a wave of dirty water to splash your way. You could cry. If you didn't turn out sick the next morning, it'd be a miracle. 

A week full of stress had just ended, but you couldn't seem to get rid of every gnawing feeling that it left behind. You just want to take your mind off of things. When you entered the door to your shared apartment, you wanted nothing more than to be greeted by his beautiful face stretched out into that famous bunny smile you loved so much. But of course —since nothing was in your favor—you arrived to the deafening silence of Jungkook's absence. 

You were planning on dumping your soaked body on top of him and ignoring all of your worries, but even that you can’t get. 

With a heavy sigh you peeled off your clothes and put them in the laundry basket, jumping in the shower right after to try to wash away the weight on your shoulders. 

—

You jumped awake at the loud clatter coming from the kitchen. Instead of reacting like a normal human being and hiding, you started yelling with your eyelids still stuck together—the drowsiness refusing to escape you. Grabbing the first thing you could find on the couch you fell asleep on, the huge rainbow-colored hello kitty plushie you were cuddling with, you tried forcing your eyes open. You yelled, "Who's there?” pointing the innocent plushie towards the source of the sound. 

A fit of giggles replaced the sound of the echo your voice left behind, probably mocking your messy bed hair and unusual weapon. You frowned, a pout appearing on your face as you realized your lover was the one to awaken you so rudely from the magical dream you had just a few seconds ago. 

“Do you expect a plushie to protect you from a burglar?”, he approached you after picking up the empty bowl he dropped.

“Well what do you expect me to do when the burglar is in the kitchen, where all the knives are, and my boyfriend isn’t there to protect me?”, the pout never left your face. 

His tattooed hand went through your head to try and smooth down the mess your pillow had created. He didn’t mean to but he got so lost in the look in your eyes and the feeling of your hair against his hand, that he forgot to form a response. You didn’t mention it though, the fond smile on his face and his gentle touch on yours fill your heart with warmth in ways you could never have dreamed of before.

You did however miss the sound of his voice, too soon to your liking, so you spoke up anyway, just to hear him speak. 

“When did you get home, anyway?” This time, your hand was the one to reach towards his body. Your fists bawling around his loose shirt, resisting the urge to hug him. 

“Not too long ago, didn’t wanna wake you”, the sweet sound of his voice reached your ears again. The muscles on your face contract, trying to hide the involuntary smile that tried to betray your unsatisfied yearning for Jungkook's attention

You sigh, giving in and pulling his body close to yours. Your arms wrap tightly around his waist, your head rests on his chest and all negative feelings flood from your body. A sound of relief escaped you. You could cry. But this time it’s because your heart is so full of love, so full of love you were afraid it would burst and lose all the love you’ve stored in there just for him. 

“Are you okay, baby?” His voice faltered with concern. Nonetheless he hugged you back as you felt his arms snake around your neck.

“Just a hectic day—”, your stream of words got interrupted by the single tear falling from your eye, you had to stop talking or you knew you’d burst out in tears. You wanted to tell him so badly, tell him; “who am I kidding, this whole week has been holding me by my throat and I still can’t seem to find a way to loosen its grip.” But you didn’t want to break down in tears in front of him. Not when he was probably having a more challenging week than you could ever handle. Truly, could you ever complain about your life knowing his everyday is way harder?

“Oh no, baby don’t cry.” You were a bit shocked, but how could you be? Jungkook knew you better than you knew yourself. Is it scary that he can recognize the slightest change in your tone and behavior so easily? Maybe. But do you love him all the more for it? Definitely. 

He started swaying you both to the side, knowing how you liked to be cradled. It was an unconscious habit of yours whenever you couldn’t sleep or felt uneasy. Over the years, he had also adopted your silly little habit and now he couldn't hold you without swaying you anymore.

“Hmm, you know what? Tomorrow I have a day off. What if we spend it at the beach?” He sighed, placing his head on top of yours, plans for the day filling his mind already. “We could bring a cloth and sit by the shore an—oh!” His excitement got the best of him as another string of ideas flooded his mind. “And we can bring some snacks and some stuff we could do. We can paint, play lego or play board games. I can think of so many things!” 

You just giggled to yourself, the dried-up tears on your face long forgotten. “I’m all in. I just wanna see the sunset,” you croaked out a response.

“Anything for my baby,” he spoke, kissing your forehead when you finally removed your head from his now slightly damp shirt to look him in the eyes. But you weren’t planning on settling for a simple kiss on the head, so you pouted your lips, non-verbally asking for a proper kiss on the lips. And he complied—with the biggest lovesick smile on his face.

—

The smell of Jungkook's cooking skills flooded your nostrils and your mouth started to water. After the long day you just had, a warm meal is everything else you craved. 

"What are you doing?," his voice was filled with amusement. Since you weren't much of a good cook yourself, you decided that your antics in the kitchen should be entertaining—or distracting—the chef at work. This time that amusement contained sitting so close to him he could barely reach for the spoon to mix the ingredients and your hair almost slipped into the pot he was so desperately trying to steer.

When you decided to sit by the kitchen counter with your laptop, you thought you could continue your schoolwork while being in the detoxing atmosphere that Jungkook provided. But the thought of studying vanished your mind as soon as his sleeves rolled up and his hair got tied into a manbun. 

You tried so hard to stop your teeth from biting down on your bottom lip, but should you even be willing to hide the effect Jungkook has on you? Sure he teases you about it and sure you're a little stubborn, but how can you ignore such a sight. 

“You want to hear a secret?”, you whispered in his ear as his hand reached for your hair, making sure it didn't dip into the food. Yet his heart was beating against his ribcage, what are you planning? 

“I never thought watching you cook for me could get me so turned on,” and as if your comment wasn't wild enough to drive him crazy, you didn't miss the chance to graze your lips against his skin. Not enough to be a kiss, but also not enough to be a mere brush of innocent affection. 

"Fuck–, baby—, you can't say things like that!,” he groaned, aggressively stirring the pot, making you giggle. 

When you didn't say anything and nonchalantly returned to your schoolwork he decided to speak up again. “You're acting like you've never watched me cook before,��� he says in a rather mocking way, but you laugh at that, enjoying the reactions you get out of him. 

“Just because I don’t always show it, doesn’t mean I don't feel it,” you wink at him, shrugging your shoulders like you confessed the most normal thing on earth. 

He couldn’t hold in his smile, his expression of amusement quickly turned into a smirk, remembering all the moments you were extra touchy in the kitchen. He took a mental note to always make you watch him cook from now on.

—

“Baby, did you pack the towels?,” Jungkook asked softly, trying to start up a conversation. The car ride to the beach was awfully quiet. Normally you were very talkative when you were going to the beach, too excited for all the things you would do. It was one of the things you loved most in the world of course, and Jungkook knew that, so he couldn’t help but worry about your silence. 

The pounding in your head however made you unable to think straight. You took an aspirin this morning, hoping to redeem the aches in your body. The last thing you wanted was for Jungkook to notice and spend his day off taking care of you. So you kept it to yourself. You couldn't stay in and sit in your flu, or whatever it decided to be, you needed to get out of your head. 

“Yeah, I put it in my bag,” you sighed as your head came in contact with the cold window of the passenger seat in his car, your shoulders sagging in relief. His hand squeezed your thigh in worry, he knew there was something wrong. 

“Baby, we’re here,” he shook your sleeping body. The ride to the beach wasn't that long, but the never-ending headache made you close your eyes a little too long. 

The sudden excitement that flew through your body at the thought of finally spending a carefree day at the beach got knocked out of you as soon as you looked out of the car window. 

“Are you fucking kidding me,” you almost yelled in annoyance towards the raindrops landing on your face as you got out of the car. You made sure to check the weather report every hour of the day ever since last night and it still managed to rain today. It made you more frustrated than you could imagine. You could cry.

“___, baby...,” he looked at you with pity. Carefully approaching you to avoid you getting even more upset. 

Your teary eyed face faced his sympathetic one. The looks you were exchanging saying it all. You expected him to comfort you, hug you, offer to sit in the backseat instead and rest. But Jungkook always seems to surprise you, even when you know how spontaneous he is. 

“What are you doing?!”, you shrieked as you felt the ground under your feet disappear. Jungkook carried you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and your eyes widened, feeling overly exposed with your ass up in the air.

Like he could sense your discomfort he twisted your body around to carry you bridal style. Your wide eyes gazed into his excited ones. You immediately shook your head when that mischievous glint in his eyes and that childlike smile on his face made you realize what he was planning to do.

Despite your panicked protests he threw caution to the wind and started running towards the beach with you screaming in his arms.

“Jeongguk, if you fucking drop me I will—!,” you yelled at him punching his chest, but he silenced you with a kiss. 

“I won’t,” he reassured you, making you blush.

So you just let him. Let him run into the deserted beach, towards the water, with the biggest smile on your face because Jungkook always knew what to do to make you smile again. He always knew what to do to make you fall deeper in love with him. 

You gasped loudly as Jungkook entered the water—fully clothed. He ran past the shore, his favorite boots getting wet, but he didn't care. He kept running however, so far that his entire lower body had entered the water. He knelt down, you being in his arms getting completely engulfed by the cold water. This way he avoided getting his own upper body wet. You panicked, swimming out of his grip to look at him with an angry expression. But your face didn't match your feelings, or so you thought, the broad smile on your face betraying you.

“Jeongguk! You said you wouldn’t drop me!,” you splashed a bunch of water his way making him duck down to avoid getting his hair wet. 

“I didn’t drop you, I just dipped you in,” he shrugged, making you scoff. Another wave of water was thrown his way, this time he couldn’t dodge it in time, the water hitting him straight in the face. 

“Oh now you're asking for it,” he strides towards you, his arms ready to engulf you and body slam you into the water but you’re too quick.

What was supposed to be a relaxing day at the beach ended up turning into a chaotic water fight. And even though you were sick, the cold water felt rather healing as well as spending time with Jungkook did. You must look like reckless children to onlookers, but you haven’t had this much fun in a while, so you decided to not care. 

—

“You should've told me you weren't feeling well,” you smoothed the frown between his brows out with your thumb, smiling brightly. You were now in the backseat of his car, both of you covered with the towels you brought earlier to lay down on the sand. You were basically sitting on top of him, having persuaded him with the argument that you needed his body warmth to warm up quicker.

“Then I wouldn't have such a fun day… Besides I think I'm feeling better already,” he pouted at you, not believing your words for a second. After getting out of the water you couldn’t stop shivering and what he thought was only natural turned concerning when he found you coughing and sneezing as well.

He held your hands in his, looking into your eyes, feeling guilty for noticing how bad you were feeling earlier. Blaming him was never in your agenda though, he made you feel healthier than you actually were in his presence. 

“You’re not falling asleep on me are you?” he looked down at your slumped figure leaning on him, your full body weight on top of his.

“Uhuh,” you responded, snuggling further into his embrace. He smiled, not minding it one bit if you decided to sleep for hours on end. He’d stay right there, in the back of his car, thinking about all the things he can do later today to make you feel better. Because that’s what Jungkook did best. Love you unconditionally and brighten up your days. 

He planted one final kiss on the top of your head, telling you goodnight, unaware of your lingering wakefulness. You think you might love him a little too much, you could cry.

[miss-anachronism]

I posted something yesterday throwing my hat into the ring of Merlin and Valen relationships, and people seemed to like it! These guys are best buds to me, im glad yall see it too. It inspired me to write a little drabble, so here ya go <3 this is Valen and my (fem) Merlin, so it gets kinda specific at parts lol

…

It’s been a long day.

And as much as Valen wishes it were the easier type of long day: boring and uneventful, where he has to drag himself from task to task; it was quite the opposite. Exhilarating, exhausting, and deadly; now he was sinking into a sofa chair in the Mystical house, nursing a spiked drink and a sprained ankle.

It wasn’t even a mishap- he’d launched the attack perfectly, but that godforsaken golem had grabbed his leg at the last moment and slammed him back down into the ground. Lucius said he was lucky to have avoided a concussion. But what does Lucius know, anyway.

All this to say, the entire ordeal has left him grumpy and secluded. He’s tucked into the library, where the din of the bar can’t touch his slowly receding headache. It’s lovely in here, quiet and serene, fresh air drifting through the large open windows on the south wall. The smell of old books mingles nicely with the outside breeze, stopping just shy of being overwhelming. He would have never thought himself a library person; the one in Holistone was lackluster. But Merlin, as she often did, had flipped his conceptions upside down, and provided Valen one of his favourite spaces in her impressive library.

It’s a little ridiculous to expect privacy and solitude from a house that isn’t your own, especially one housing at least five others, but Valen still finds his every muscle tensing when he hears the library door open and close with a soft click.

He exhales slowly through his teeth, trying not to make his disappointment too obvious. He sends his farewells to his peaceful rest, and a quick prayer that whomever has entered isn’t in a talkative mood. He really doesn’t feel up to playing up the charm.

The soft pattering on the floor and the long exhale that come from behind him, however, chases those fears away. The momentary panic slips from Valen’s body, and he glances to the side, grinning when a green, eerie eye catches his gaze.

Merlin grins back at him, though she looks just as tired as he feels. “Hey, sorry. I know you’re hurt, but it’s winding down out there, and I wanted to do some research before I turn in. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not,” Valen chuckles, “It’s your home.”

“Well, yes, but you’re my guest. And if you want me to shut up and leave you alone, say the word and I’ll be gone, no harm no foul.”

“It’s alright, Merlin,” he confirms, slightly surprised that he doesn’t even need to lie, “your company is appreciated.”

She grins at him and sets her own drink down on the small coffee table, and pulls another chair up. “Thanks, Val. I’ll keep it down, promise.”

She’s true to her word, shuffling through a few eclectically stacked books around the floor of the library before settling with three in hand. She puts the biggest one between them, and opens it up to reveal a collection of beautiful woodcuts, depicting various temples across the globe.

Valen lets out a low whistle and leans in, watching as she flips through a few illustrations, and then spins the book around to show him a full two-page print. It takes him a moment to recognize.

“The Moon Temple?”

Merlin nods, her eyes never leaving the paper. “Back in its heyday. We were talking about it, and Dolly mentioned that I should have an old book of prints in here somewhere. I’m lucky I found it so quickly.”

“How old is this book?”

“Four hundred years, give or take.”

Valen half gasps and half laughs, staring at the book in wonder. He’s shocked Merlin even has the balls to touch the thing, let alone open it.

“I can’t believe you just have ancient scripture lying around.”

“Hey, this is far from ancient,” she teases, glancing up to wrinkle her nose at him.

“You’re right, you’re right. It doesnt hold a candle to the oldest artifact in this room: you.”

Merlin sticks her tongue out at him, and Valen returns in kind, before they both return to the book.

The Moon God had been dead for a thousand years or so before this print was made, so the Temple isn’t exactly in perfect condition. Still, it’s a far cry from the decrepit ruins that it’s in today. Beautiful pillars surrounding the pouring, majestic fountains, each flaw and imperfection dutifully recorded… Valen finds himself being drawn in by the skilled execution of the print itself, scanning over the evenly spaces hatching and intricate detailing in the stonework, the water, the attention to values… it’s a beautiful recreation. Valen can even make out the carvings on the pillars themselves.

There’s a little blurb of writing at the bottom of the page, in a language Valen can’t identify. He reaches out to tap at it, stopping just shy of actually touching the book.

“Can you read this?”

Merlin hums in assent. Instead of flipping the book back around to face herself, she stands and moves over to Valen’s side of the table, kneeling next to his chair.

“It’s not much. ‘The Moon Temple, for the greatness and majesty of Nakalig the many-faced…. Cast a moonstone into the divine spring… a chance for divine lunar enlightenment…’ yeah, we know all this already.”

“It’s still interesting,” Valen contests, watching as Merlins finger drifts over the words. “You’ll have to teach me how to read this.”

Merlin scrunches her nose again. “The language is pretty dead, Val. I think you’ll only find Celestials who speak it fluently, nowadays.”

“So? If it’s spoken by Celestials, I’m sure it’s gorgeous. And mysterious. All the more reason to learn it.”

Merlin scoffs. “If you received a love letter written in the old, dead language, would you actually go on a real life date with the sender?”

“A date? I’d bed them on the spot,” Valen jokes, and Merlin throws her head back and cackles.

“Gross, ugh.” She sneers, giggling. Valen grins.

“Thousands of years old, and you still have the humour of a teenager.”

“Shut up,” she huffs, lightly punching him in the shoulder, only for her eye to immediately widen in concern.

“Ah, shit, that didn’t hurt did it? You’re hurt, I shouldn’t be jostling you around.”

“Merlin, babe, do you really think you can push me around?”

“You underestimate me! I could totally beat you up.”

“Mhmm,” Valen chuckles, taking another sip of his drink. Merlin gives him a wry smile.

“Seriously, though, you okay?”

Valen pauses a moment, taking stock of himself. Yes, his ankle still aches, but the spinning pain in his head has thankfully receded. The exhaustion still runs deep in his bones, however; he thinks if Merlin asked him to stand up, he’s simply collapse.

“I’m alright, all things considered,” he settles on, “but tired. Exhausted.”

“Hey, bright idea here! Maybe you should go to bed!”

“A genius, you are.”

“They don’t call me Merlin for nothin’.”

He chuckles. “It’s nice here. I don’t get much time to relax. And the sun’s only just setting,” he waves a hand towards the window, bathed in pinks and oranges, “let me have an hour, at least.”

“Fine,” Merlin conceded, resting her head on the arm of his chair. Dutifully, Valen proceeds to use her head as an armrest. She huffs in amusement.

They stay like that for a few minutes, Merlin lazily flipping through the book, pausing every time Valen leans closer to inspect a print. Eventually, she complains about her neck, and Valen lets up to allow her a slightly more comfortable position.

“I don’t know how to teach languages,” Merlin says suddenly, startling Valen out of his concentration, “but I think, with Hammie’s help, I could teach you a couple phrases and see where it goes from there?”

Valen blinks in surprise. “You don’t have to do that, Merlin.”

She shrugs. “I want to. Gives me something to do. If you want to, of course.”

Valen pauses, thinks it over, takes another long sip of his drink.

“…sure. We’ll see where it goes.”

Merlin nods, and flips the book closed.

“but if I’m a bullshit student, you can’t be mad at me.”

“I’ll never believe you are,” Merlin sniffs, scooping the book up and standing with a grunt. “Deep down, you’re a nerd like the rest of us, Mr. Playboy Solitaire.”

[nellynello]

Prompt: Song- 'Do it for Her'; Steven Universe

TW: blood, violence, swearing

Word count: 2.6k

Royalty

Training gets difficult every day...

Right foot, left foot, clash, now step back, right foot left fo- clash!

I fall to the ground, my heart beating in my throat. I struggling to breathe from this new training routine. My opponent not making it any easier; as well with not being a magic user and all.

Running my hand through my hair and sighing through my nose, sweat continues to fall down my forehead onto my neck, and finally dripping down my shirt. I look up at the beaming sun in defeat, blinding my vision from my true opponent.

Each puff of oxygen results in my recovery from exhaustion. I can't do this anymore. Giving up would be so nice... But just think about the life you'll have after this war, fighting for this kingdom.

Fighting with your heart for the heart.

Take me back to the easier days...

"Get up"

A break from reality, I look up. Hovering my hand over my eyes to see what was before me.

Long black hair, symmetrical face, perfect body. Any girl would want to be that beautiful, strong and talented. A bit unfair yuno. To be born into a wealthy family and have flawless genetics as well. My dream is Alexia's reality.

Looking down, avoiding eye contact from embarrassment with the loss of the training match, I look down with all sorts of negative emotions.

"Pathetic"

I squint my eyes now irritated. Taking a deep breath, I pull myself up in a crouching position and pick up my fallen sword in the process.

But I come to a halt when I feel pressure on my shoulder; a foot. More of a boot, but non the less. A dirty boot. filthy and muddy from the ground. I am not the ground. What does she see me as, someone beneath her because I lost? Treating me like the earth beneath everyone. Acting as if she's the Queen of the Heart Kingdom, the Queen of fighting everyone weaker than her. Dishearting the hearts of soldiers instead of encouraging their dreams to fight for their king

My eyes widened in a mix of bewilderment and overwhelming emotions. I struggled to maintain the boiling rage inside me, clenching my jaw shut with all my might. I tried not to do something rash that I would regret, knowing the consequences of my actions could be severe.

I track my eyes over to the shoe and follow their leg up to her face.

A shit-eating grin plasters over her face, proud of what she's doing.

" Admit your defeat and perhaps I'll give you a hand up."

I stay silent. My pride overruling her ridiculous offer

"Come on, say it. Say it!"

Pressure seeps more into my shoulder, she's trying to push me to the ground. What a bitch.

By now everyone who was training has now become invested in the sudden commotion, forming a circle around us. Fuck sake.

As if my defiance enraged her, she forcefully grabbed me, using all her might to subdue me. I was thrown down with both of her strengths, completely powerless as her force crushed me. My resistance was futile, her strength was superior.

Colliding my head with the ground my vision blurs. I bring a hand to my head to find a substance, a liquid that's colour resembles the king himself. Red, red blood. Rouge. The pain starts to now engulf my head. I goan in immense pain, struggling to stay awake from the extreme blow.

"Fuck..." Whimpering in pain.

"Im almost impressed with you staying awake so long"

She steps forward, and each placement of her foot dominates the training ground.

I feel like crying from the amount of pain I am in right now. Feeling the blood drip down my face, now having to focus on the freshly opened wound. But am abruptly stopped due to another force pulling my hair up. I look up and wince from the pain endearing the extraordinary amount of torture.

The crowd around us gasps. Why has no one stopped her?

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Truly pathetic. But again I'm almost impressed you haven't fainted yet."

I look away

"Look at me when I'm talking to you."

I stubbornly refuse to budge. A moment too late, I notice her other hand move up before it slaps me across the face with a sharp sting. The punishment for my refusal and stubbornness, I quickly learn, is a painful slap to my face. I feel the shock of the sting and try to hold back my frustration at this mistreatment.

“Eat shit”

Bloodied and bruised she lets go of my hair and fall to the ground.

"Tsk no wonder your parents abandoned you, can't even live up to the (L/N)'s nam–"

I lunged towards her in a blind rage and slammed her to the ground. Blinded with rage. I saw nothing but red, consumed by a fury I couldn't control. Fists up, I rained strike after strike into her face, ruining her once-beautiful features. And with ferocity, I grab her hair, pulling her back up and whacking her head down with more force, feeling a rush of satisfaction as I saw her ruined face.

My breathing was heavy and ragged as I continue to pummel her, my heart still pounding in my chest. I felt no regret, no sadness, it was as if my mind was detached from my body and all I saw was her face, battered and broken. I knew at that moment that I had gone too far, but it was as if the anger took over and refused to stop.

I was finally pulled off of her by someone with enough bravery and common sense. I tried to resist, struggling against the hands that tried to restrain me, but I had done too much harm and they were strong enough to wrestle me away. But even then, all I could focus on was her, her battered face and the blood that kept spilling out. My mind was filled with guilt, but also the thought of how she deserved it for hurting so many people with brute strength and arrogance.

"No, I'm not done! Let me finish her off."

"That's enough! (Y/N) you need to stop immediately!

"NO! I'm not letting her talk about me and my family issues."

I try crawling back to the fallen soldier but fail from being restrained.

"Let go of me!"

"(Y/N) I beg you, you have to stop!"

My efforts were futile, being met with failure again. Like my whole life. I break down and feel a tear run down my face while I stare down at the ground as if I've lost everything.

I can't do this anymore, I say id do it for her; the late Queen, but... can I do it for him also. The current king.

I look up at my surroundings, my instructor kneeling in front of me.

"Lady Nello"

Shocked by her being here.

"What are you doing here....?"

"I was the one who stopped you. You don't know how strong you are, I almost lost my grip."

"What..."

Looking at her dumbfounded, my eyes trace back to the ground with overwhelming embarrassment. More tears flood my vision, becoming more unbearable by the second.

"I'm so sor–"

I now feel a warm contact wrapping around me, and I realized it was someone hugging me. The shock and confusion that hit me took me by surprise, and it suddenly dawned on me how far I had let myself go. I hadn't realized how much this anger had consumed me. For a moment, I felt comfort in the warmth of the hug, wanting to bury my head into this person's shoulder and never leave.

"It's okay... I should have been here sooner, I'm the one who should be sorry..."

Stroking my hair to soothe my mind.

"No, but–"

"(Y/N)"

She says sternly.

Third person

Finally, (Y/N) head drops into Lady Nello’s shoulder in defeat, experiencing a large amount of fatigue and pain.

Blood, sweat, and tears covered both soldiers, and (Y/N) could hardly bear to look at what she had done. After a few moments, the person on the ground began picking themselves up, now standing as they removed the blood from their nose. Alexia staggered towards the two people that were embracing, their eyes fixed on them and then the sword still in their grasp.

"This is not over yet."

She lifts her sword upwards to strike (Y/N) in the head.

First-person

I look up to see what was in front of me; causing the last dose of adrenaline to pump through my veins. I manage to push Lady Nello to the side and myself in the other direction, just about missing the murderous swing.

I took in a few deep breaths, trying to steady my nerves and regain my strength. I mustered up my strength to stand on wobbly feet. One step at a time, I managed to rise to my feet, still breathing a little heavily from all the emotions that rushed through me.

We stare, battered and bruised. Time seemed to slow down as we had an intense staring contest with one another, our eyes locked unblinking. I could feel my pulse pounding in my head, and I knew I had to show no signs of weakness. The outcome of this battle of just our eyes and our minds would be decided in the coming moments.

"(Y/N)! No, it's over! Come on, be the better person and leave it be."

I don't look back, considering whether to listen to my mentor.

Pride overtaking me, I continued to make eye contact, but I cautiously stepped backwards toward Lady Nello. This battle had to be won and I knew I couldn't let my guard down, not yet.

"Tsk such a disappointment."

It was all too much and I couldn't take it anymore. My mind was broken from pain and tiredness and I was no longer in control. I let loose all my thoughts and emotions, my whole world crashing down around me and leaving me in a dizzying fog.

"Seriously what is your problem, why are you so interested in my family issues."

"Y/N!"

Nello tries to stop me again.

"No I'm not going to stop, I'm sorry. All the stuff you've been spreading rumours about is absolute bollocks and you know it, you thought I wouldn't hear what your saying? Calling me a mistake and I shouldn't have been born because of my failures within my family business. Why does my life interest you so much? Huh... Why can't you get it through your thick head that everything doesn't involve you and my problem aren't yours to speak about?

I know I'm weaker than you, but I know damn well I might be worth something to someone being a non-magic user. Picking on the weak to make yourself deem strong makes you as pathetic as you say I am. So don't you dare think for a moment that you can continue doing this to me or ANYONE ELSE!"

Silence. Pure utter silence.

Despite the chaos, everything and everyone had gone quiet. All I could hear was my breathing, deep and shallow breaths. In and out, in and out, calming myself down.

Making everything became so clear, all my senses were heightened and it was almost overwhelming. I could hear everything, and the sound that stood out the most was you. There was an air of anticipation and uncertainty that I knew I could not ignore.

The once-deafening silence was broken by the rhythmic sound of clapping, and my heart started to pound with anticipation of who it was.

"Grarvo! Grarvo! Such a wonderful speech. So..... Inspiring...what do you think King of Diamonds."

"Could of had less profanities. But yes, I agree. Very profound."

Shooting my head to the voices. My senses now left my body instantly seeing who it was.

Straightened back, wide shoulders, with stoic faces. Both kings stood in front of Alexia, Lady Nello and I.

Whispers are heard amount the crowd around us. 'Both kings are here?!', 'The heart and diamond are here together, that's unusual.'

They both stood with formality and elegance. Well-kept red and black hair, their clothes not a speck of dust date to lay upon them and their eyes say it all; curiosity, but also disappointment with the scene in front of them.

"Lady Nello, as the supervisor of this training ground, care to specify what happened?"

The King of Diamonds asks with confidence.

"Your majesty, my deepest apologies. This was my entire fault, I shouldn't have paired these two together and I wasn't supervising this when it played out."

"But–"

I'm suddenly stopped by the intense glare Lady Nello gives me. Pure frustration and as if to say 'Don't say anything.'

Shutting my mouth and taking a big gulp immediately, I trace my head down towards the ground thinking about what the outcomes will be. What will happen to Lady Nello? She's done everything for me! She's helped me with my family issues, helped me train and learn how to fight and learn how to act in difficult situations. To then repay her with a possible demotion...

My foot begins to tap uncontrollably out of anxiety. But I force myself to look up to see what is happening. Deep black pupils seemed to pierce into my skull as if I was in the depths of the abyss and my brain was about to implode on itself from the mounting tension. It was difficult for me to think and breathe normally, every moment felt like a struggle. The atmosphere was too much and I felt was only a matter of time before I passed out from the intensity of the situation.

With my throat tight and my heart racing, the fear paralysed me in its grip. I stared at the royal and study him with an intense unease as the nervousness took over my body. All the while, the royal stared back at me with an air of authority.

His hair was a deep red that swirled perfectly. To perfect. His skin looked so clear and smooth like it belonged on a painting instead of an actual person. He was so pretty, it almost felt unnatural. So part of me was being drawn to him in the wrong way, as he's a king.

The king! A king for heaven's sake, and I was just a lowly soldier who was supposed to be loyal to him! Why was I thinking about him in that way? I felt the heat on my face as I cursed myself for the thoughts that were passing through me.

This isn't appropriate for the situation for fuck sake (Y/N)...

"Very well, due to the severity of this incident, your punishment will be discussed at further notice."

"What! No–"

"And!... if anything like this happens again consequences will be immediate and without mercy. And this goes to all of you. If anyone dares to cause a commotion like these two did today, you will be punished as equally as them."  The king of hearts finishes after interrupting me.

Feeling embarrassed, I take a look at Alexia. It looks like she wants to kill me. I ignore her out of irritation and now focus on the heart king coming towards me.

But before I could say a word, my conscience falters and I feel myself buffer and wonder why the king now has multiple heads. Dizziness engulfs my brain and I begin to pass out.

Then my head hit the ground...

BAM!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

There will be part two more related to the prompt :)

Spelling and punctuation are shit :D

[toinfinitywinning]

this is get to know you time. the cringy name game at every camp in the world you do with toilet paper. enough.

Conversations and thoughts resembling the same level of random and incongruence of my Apple Music library. like Josh Groban is to Eminem: Mercy Me. a lot about everything that’s not a hashtag bc it just needs more attention.

Let the first (post) be first:

Hi. I’ve never done this before (like a seriously grown up blog on purpose. Just when just followed sad somewhat desperate poetry with a random live-laugh-love meme in there somewhere.) and Pitch Perfect.

BUT.

For 2 years I’ve had Long-Haul COVID. It’s a different kind of lonely

Thanks so much, amirite? —Gen-Z apologies if I didn’t use that jumbled acronym-word correctly.

It’s hard to keep up.

See? What am I talking about now and how did I get there…

Due to a very common symptom of LHC…

Again—hard to keep up. It’s there. Tho

And I have a lot of quirk so it’s possible I think you’ll “get” but are just nice not to tell me

BUT.

It’s already gone. Train left the Station yesterday.

Slipped on a penny.

Not Good. not even funny.

Teens with the gorgeous graffiti have to Go elsewhere. I’ve always been jealous of that kind talent.

Whole lot better than something else shiny thrown on the track and it’s derailed. There’s at least some innocence in a paint can.

WOW.

I have major attention and Brain Fog hurdles to conquer or shortly bypass. You might not be able to tell b/c of how My writing jumps around so infrequently.

Not true but still easier.

Mostly innocent and playful.

Sadly the attention part is this many years young.

Writing comes naturally. As it always has, strangely...

And why is healing so exhausting? Writing is therapeutic but My body says—can you not?

i know im not the only one asking that!

As if I have time for that too.

find a community of people suffering just as similarly and gain strength, tips and tricks.

Just, speak-screen edit my writing for me. Maybe a clarification fact-✔.

Just not wherever Tr*mp gets his.

Could be Truth Social. Monthly fee tho will cost you your Red Hat.

MYGAbad

Speaking I struggle with processing w/e skills I must have held onto.

BUT.

Since 2 years is quite. some. time.—I’ve shared many struggles and victories.

Like a Bell curve. Or a punk Domino falling then lining them up takes longer just to go down again in half the time. Repeat.

It’s very likely I Will try to talk about many things at once.

I really can’t help that. LOL.

Jury’s still out but I get most of my writing and miscellaneous musings from mom.

Dad can write the best, longest, and precious prayers and notes.

Almost delicately but like you KNOW he’s giving you a hug.

A Good mix tape’s paper Version.

Enter Run on sentences. Truly a stream by now.

Although my brain muscle is weak I’ve been encouraged by several people to Start a blog. Someday I’ll include the past 2 years of w/e pics are on other SocMed.

I can’t think of anything worse.

Yea, okay LOL.

Judgment free. Occasionally… like normal doses then have to work through that.

Mostly that’s because I knew nothing about anything before I opened My computer and started sharing My thoughts under zero context ridden or form at all.

More likely as well to offend and piss someone off. Well done you’re now one less friend popular. There’s an App for that tho-tracking people Who don’t like you.

Not sure where I’ll land with this. It may not land you either.

Because like a lot of us. Sometimes you don’t get to talk actually. No Room.

I like routine; that’s out. So it gets dull.

I’ve learned I hadn’t yet given myself the space to see all of things I can do sitting down.

But. By “given” I mean to say that perhaps I didn’t know it was there.

One Good thing I’ve gathered from this Hell.

Hell fresh by the Day! Never frozen.

So at that time and in this case of my life; sitting is fine.

Some of it isn’t too bad. The writing. You will find questionable punctuation. Run on sentences that I was running.

Relevance at all.

All around Confusion…altho connect the dots could have been seen as practice.

Or annoying even. I’d have no words.

I truly don’t set out to be funny. I could never do stand-up or improv. Or act.

Humor forced just takes and receives too much energy that might come off insincere.

Nothing on command.

Like Matt Perry’s brilliant improv wit it just doesn’t hit the same.

B/c it was scripted.

A syllabus for it Imagine.

The horn to jump off the swim block.

It’s when Life feels more scripted a lot of people close up.

That’s because you’re not in charge anymore. I’ve lost the Power.

Don’t prefer caring about whether someone likes me like I used to.

I believe you can snooze me for 30 days or say ‘I’m done w/ her’ and send Me to the cyberarchives.

Okay. Okay.

So—90% of the time I’m witty and sarcastic with a bit of cynicism, discomfort (for you), and pettifogging.

I write primarily about the questions of intersectionality.

How do things fit.

Let’s Fit it.

Until I figured out physics and calculus and basic math were behind a career in architecture and the classes I would have to take, I enjoyed taking things apart to make something else.

Not always pretty.

Could be Good what I took apart was the best thing we can’t see.

Like I’m writing questions but with wisdom not meaning to do that either,

A lot of people don’t like that. You do you! Baby.

I don’t mean to be at all harsh or hurtful. I try not to say that anything vainly.

I say it b/c a lot of what I’m writing is all of every piece of stream of consciousness tallied.

And it was a synapse connecting another.

Maybe that’s the creative part? The other side of My Brain is telling Me to ✔ on the other side so I’m like…crickets.

What I write is stream of consciousness, brutally honest and to some might be lightly offensive. In College writing this Way would’ve absolutely driven Me crazy.

Then life steps in and bonks u on the head with a newspaper but 15 years later returns the favor with an iPhone.

Or too blunt. And comes across as harsh. And that’s mostly because if I don’t have an emoji to match my real-life broken ღ I’m breaking up with you.

Self reflection: impulsive

I used to journal so much growing up.

When did I lose that innocence?

We can’t talk about folding paper into cranes and witchcraft finger fortune games anymore?

No more MASH?

Huh, maybe you weren’t born this Way. Ur Parents just drew circles nearest each other or your apple stem twist broke too soon and you want a partner whose name starts with P.

Very often I overshare. If you’re reading this this is not brand new information. No ability to say things simply. Think I’ve already. That can put me really vulnerable to more bitcoin hacks.

And then you need to figure out what bitcoin is. And whether Mario can collect coins as well in place of the hackers.

I’d say ask Tom Brady b/c of his investments but since retirement he’s been pretty deflated.

Mean people that mean to hurt.

First of all I feel sorry for you. Not in a poor you tho.

People Who hurt on purpose don’t often have any Way to vent or get a rise other than evoke feelings in and deflect toward a schoolmate.

Skip back to the part I tried talking about vulnerability. It truly is the invisible cloak and no one can see you but nothing makes sense still and you’ve only fixed what’s on the outside. Now you’re peeved AND cloaked.

At this conjunction junction next I’d suggest try shopping at Target opposed to Abercrombie then.

Feet in the water right above bankruptcy to see how things could be different only what…if?

Good ♧ seriously.

So there’s more grace given when you fall. When it’s not your month Day or even year!

Nobody is there for you!!

And My cloak is getting rained on.

Maybe gathering strength from falling will come a common sense with a 6th one but with seriously meaningful things I’ve learned and less hard knock’s Life for us.

The hard Way.

The bottom’s still there and it actually stinks stinks. Discouraging b/c there are two sides to the bottom of the cave full of stalagTITES and mites.

All the up’s and down’s. Right there. And the COVID-19 bat OMG!

You know you may not be able to fall any further further but once you’re up again you’re wondering whether you should get some cement to close that thing off.

Choose to live! But welcome to the real world—it sucks—ur gonna Love it.

Almost 4got. In the cave you dont always have to wait for Jesus to be resurrected if that metaphor comforts you but if change comes and it requires a whole new worm can of Life we already can’t handle that gets us outta the dank I don’t think we need to ask permission to the rights of that Bible passage.

BUT.

Until YOU are ready for change...

Forget it. At least you meant well. Someone can guide that horse to water but it stays pretty hydrated, so he says he’s Good. Promise. The only talking animal and it was Me Who got to hear it. More importantly, who’s gonna ☊? Care? There’s a country song finding out Who your Friends are. A lot stay lost and it’s not helpful all our Friends aren’t the same.

Missing a Good chance to find out if you’re in a similar predicament and that not always a bad thing.

At times I have literally had to be lifted off the floor.

I don’t do this at all for pity. As you read, My Pride is the biggest obstacle to let Go.

When you do?

The hard way through this.

I am angry and irritable for bouts. Sometimes I’m silly and invite karma punishments.

Go all Brimstone and every type fire and the Old Testament has nothing New-thinking and no one new to add to it. SMH. Nail a list on the wooden church door reading it is nearing endgame. Or, Just open your hotel drawer and tear out the back half.

So change then— If it were Me and it has been just not an actual hole I’d be outta there due to the spiders and crickets alone. Jiminy’s Cool.

If u can’t change and just stay a novice bunny hill—fine! Stay there. Build some confidence through experience.

And isn’t that another thing? Something specific motivates the fire under your (cuckoo!) and before you’d see the dark without any End of the tunnel and more importantly with the light aspect. All the sudden you care b/c what? It applies to you of course be selfish. Fascinating yet humbling.

Then there’s the ‘Why Me’ (?) phase? Not fully pitiful but just pretentious enough to resume the trailblaze. Bad attitude with a healthy dose of are we there yet and trying to Balance whether someone is saying …’they get it; you always feel bad’ so…KY Basketball banter? Ashamed accompanies too bc thing is a few times I did kind of scoff at phrases like I always feel bad. Like, here’s 2 Extra strength Tylenol.Alright, Ok, come test for Covid 1/29/22. It shouldn’t take going through something to empathize with or change but you could’ve listened for longer with a clear mind. Just cannot wrap your head around it and I think sometimes that’s okay. What’s next I’ll try so hard.

+ It’s 12:01am of 1/29/24 (so last night), you still can’t do math and/or struggle to add or subtract 12 so aren’t entirely sure its your sophomore year orientation, and you already surrender to what you didn’t want to get up for in the first place. Kind of silly u set the alarm! B/c Pain, confusion, Discomfort and a Deep loneliness that has very little to do with people awaits. That whole scenario is a disaster but look who’s standing and GOT. UP. period. 15 years ago that’s where I’d be. Just defeated.

THAT. Is enough some days. I say that to you struggling to believe the same but know Deep down.

Year 2 longhaul and youre wondering why there are anniversaries at all given about half are always sad or tragic. Evoking the worst on what could be the best. Might be something To think 2 minutes ago you’d ended your prayer to have a better Day. Of anything is true about everything happens for a reason I’d say having to chooose how to respond given you have the privilege at all to that just means were normal. B/c ill be honest I would not

I’m angry. WHAT is so complicated about your lack of Faith or belief prayer must go into an encrypted iCloud even the FBI can’t retrieve or interpret. Never had a chance! But I’ll add that it’s worth noting prayer doesn’t deal with its existence in transaction currencies..

Feel less Pain but feel more with it or stronger now. Or, just plain ‘ol numb. Similar to Addiction I suppose people get so used to being healthy one Way or another they don’t even notice better OR worse and no one is getting married.

Truth is.

Yea.

I’m in Hell, but I’m not on a ventilator. I’m not without relentless Support.

I still can smile but laugh just a bit before it hurts.

Something is always worse.

SomeONE is doing worse.

Somewhere and definitely rn.

I never knew I’d be dealing greed of perspective for this Long.

Something you’ll never find out about that changed your life’s trajectory where an explanation would have only confused things.

Then we still have the chance to be astonished and then genuine bc of that. Thankful. Expectant. With Faith somehow. Maybe carrying someone else’s Hope for a while might burden you less for a short time.

You dont need to see eye struggle and suffering. You dont need examples. You just know. There’s a fleeting peace u might not see again for 2 days but in knowing it’s not just you with the same bs going on.

Like here. Here is someone who needs support but in a different Way but how unique it could be to trade just for a bit. It’s not leg day this time remember u agreed a temp trade.

We don’t have to know everything. Most of the time I don’t give God the time to keep up w/ Me let alone do anything miraculous before I just hang up.

Although My Life was headed in a completely renewed direction in so many ways of recovery—

I got sick. Not because it was meant to be.

Because COVID. Possibly a rabid bat. Cracked vile or petri-dish

Everything does not happen for a reason and ppl dont like hearing that bc its an easy out. Says time might go on but this thorn wont ever heal. How do we respond? that’s the most authentic and a strength yes or no wand.

I hate cliché. Thing is tho…I think we all hate it b/c it doesn’t hold us accountable. Eh it’s fine.

Unfortunately we wouldn’t have the pretty, surprise, one of the Walk to Remember walks. All up to the of healing and forgiveness individual to each of us.

If for Me that means ive healed all I can and I’m counting on research to help Me out some more maybe I just keep going. Trust Me nothing is forgotten but you do know now that at least you were strong and capable enough to figure all that at all. And—I can do that. Some days aren’t that kind.

Maybe it becomes a goal we never anticipated but ✔ your resilience at the ticket line and saddle up, honey.this donkey only holds ____ lbs. let some things Go. That thing will still only walk in a circle but you’ve evenly distributed your baggage.

The feeling of pure joy. Which btw does still require a thesaurus b/c it is NOT the same as joy. Like a preventative Med to an acute one.

Then feel Accomplishment.

Not knowing what’s next but trying to be prepared.

It’s a surprise party we never RSVP’d and don’t regret it.

And it’s a Good thing u got outbid for that yacht.

Hell, tho, you won’t be forgotten but pushing helps the donkey move faster for now that is acceptable.

Unshun. Reshun. (This will make sense if you Watch the Office)

Flee fly. Be gone. Thankfully we hope to come out more resilient after the rip and tear and often not fully repaired sewing lessons.

But perhaps the biggest trait I’ve had to work on is My Pride. I want to do it.

I’ll give myself 3 strikes. 4 balls.

Then I walk to First.

Please do not get Me a gift.

I Love you and that was so sweet.

Would I be as generous?

Do u work, yea. It’s just one really hurts more and being tough isn’t tough at all if it’s not helping the worst hurt.

Those are sitting down, timeout thoughts.

The compression socks need to breathe.

But once the Pride slides over, let go, I get to know how it feels to very tangibly be taken care of and watched over.

Patience. The other side of a rant.

Later on that.

My main goal is to learn. Connect. Be called out if something comes off really tasteless.

Laugh at things that don’t have anything to do with being chronically sick. Laugh about what Medicine u had to administer and royally failed.

Sometimes all coupled with a handicap car-tag. No crutches either b/c I don’t like hearing I Will get better. It is a nice statement but it is impossible to be sure. Ive struggled with that b/c I know everyone believes that and means well I’ve just taken prior sick Gentry’s generalization and multiplied.

I am not making light. I think part of me is using the sarcasm as a coping mechanism.

Praise God there is something that does help the pain or at least distract from that Pain just not the one in your legs.

A codependency just a bit less severe. Embarrassing. Reason for judgment. Too easy.

If you can believe it—-I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.

For now I truly don’t know how. Pain can leave, anything traumatic can be worked on. You’ve got your scars.

I actually really think a scar is just unique as a snowflake or fingerprint. Telling so many stories. B/c a scar does mean something has healed. And it never forgets at one time it was painful. I’d prefer to see what I accomplish but I see wonder and beauty in them.

Things get pretty deep, complicated and downright pitifully sad. Vulnerable. Frighteningly true and relevant.

So I take what Good I can get in that day and pray those with LHC (Long-Haul COVID-19)

Be released.

However. On the flip tail’s side.

I’m 35 years aware there are some people who just don’t like me.

Until recently I wouldn’t have meant ‘sorry not sorry.’

I do now. To a respectable extent.

Reader discretion is advised. I promise I never set out to hurt anyone.

definitely not on purpose.

Because. Idgaf. Not bars being held. Que sera, sera.

complete transparency and seriously tho this doesn't mean i dont care. i wear my heart on my sleeve like a ding-dong ready to get hurt.

call it a diversion. we were on a break.

i just might take all of whatever hits wrong and turn that in to whatever ounce of assurance I can with the openness and to the best capability to learn new things and grow with compassion.

And back to writing—may already be just engrained but I don’t ever have a thesis, 3 supporting ideas or a better word then a conclusion.

You might find yourself confused. Reading it again prob won’t help.

Some will be really bad. Ugly. Waste of time. it was at least therapeutic for me.

Already is.

Even more might not make sense.

Read at your own risk, basically.

I have confidence but not really. Just enough not to care to change.

But I think about it. Because I’m wrong a lot.

challenge me. ill try to get through the fog.

But a lot of things have changed. in ways i might not even know Beauty in the Mess.

To sum up the above (sorry, there won’t be another summary after this disclaimer’s commercial intermission.)

I want to be as positive as possible.

Be in control of what I can. Ask for help for what I cannot.

I’m so ready to get My Life back. Trust Me and trust anyone Who tells your theyre in constant pain.

Really embarrassing I used to kind of scoff and be empathetic.

Funny how youre so sure of things.

Until it happens to you.

Suddenly it’s back to the drawing board and humility.

I wear my ღ on my sleeve. My greatest superpower and kryptonite.

What you read is as close to what you get as possible.

Balance can be unfair.

Please know that I care. I try harder than I ever had before. There are things I didn’t even Imagine could happen to someone when sick.

In all the ways I want to come out of this even better than what I envy I was entering into when I got sick.

There will be a WIDE range of thoughts similar to how i write. Mostly Sports and public figures and the politics I can comprehend.

B/c I know there’s someone out there who’s homeless because of this diagnosis. Or was deadly. Fired.

Divorced.

Ive become a bit of a nerd. Childish in some ways b/c you have to be creative…to be creative.

How do I even Start philosophizing that? So I don’t.

So I try My best to be the best I can. Inspire. Elicit laughter and new ways of thinking.

Questions.

Really tho? I just wanna be me.

thank you so sincerly to anything fromn a meme to a gift to a hug a prayer a smile, company, vibes if they can travel

but most of all

for holding hope when ive not been strong enough to.

For better or worse

for loving me.

making me feel heard.

idk what tomorrow holds but if its the same as today ill know at least i can make it and i am still beyond blessed and cared for and loved unconditionally.

even if forever.

wanna feel free, free.

to be me unabandoned.

changed for the better without knowing it.

some people dont have that option.

or even less the resource or safety to write about it.

Lastly mostly—I’m thankful for Insurance and the ability and privilege to work from home. And. Still have a job in general.

A Family and Family reserves holding me.

gentry.gonna.gents/g3

next. and if you made it this far, bless you.

thank you.

you mean more than you know to me. to anyone miscellaneous thanks as well and to my family and extended family and friends and job and insurance.

im in better shape than a lot. perspective sucks in the throes. selfish not selfish but my gosh turn the lights off. each journey is sooo different, but idk find the goodness and inspiration inbtw. There will be a rainbow soon enough, I wont make the bold claim and promise you one tho,

semi lastly and vulnerably, we've all been hurt. all going through something.

I say this every time something really bad happens. Ya know the ‘this is even worse,’ talk.

This one holds every candle.

Funny not funny none are the same and you’re never fully prepared.

and no one knows what it is you’re dealing.

give grace when I can’t sometimes.

cliché’s be damned lets just golden rule it b/c that one’s hard to do too but it sounds cute and Idont see a periodic table saying A! U! Be nice and welcoming.

I know I’ve forgotten something.

So I’ll fight.

But I still get to complain.

Feeling so entitled to this ill.

Sincerely,

Gentry

no ps you're welcome

[kpopscruggles]

im back midterms fucked me good 🏳️‍🌈

ANYWAYS i keep thinking of anton baby daddy like idk why like he has the build, the personality, the money like EVERYTHING especially that pic of his build like

imagining a foster father anton cause his brother left his child when he left the world and that child is rlly messy like spoiled, annoying, disruptive so you call their father which so happens to be anton

anton came in stressed: messy hair, deep eyebags, soft tired eyes and not even coming in with a proper clothes and just putting on a compression shirt that hugged his body nicely

"you seem very tired mr. lee, juggling work and taking care of your child as a first time single dad must be really exhausting hm" you said flirtatiously to him with a hint of concern

anton was very shy but one thing that wasn't was his bulge. "listen, you're really hot and i cant do this i need to focus on work we could have a date later but yk" anton rambled trying to keep his composure

"sir anton, its my number one priority to care for my students and if i have to relieve the stress of their fine ass dad then who am i to say no" you whisper to his ear "also i dont mind us being more after this"

"theres an empty room next door, be careful not to wake up the children"

turns out with how big he is he had to keep your mouth shut to not wake them up

Midterms ate my shit.

———

Stop he’d be fighting his soul away bruh, he tried so hard to compose himself that it physically exhausts him more. When he gives in tho…😮‍💨

He’s ruining you and there’s nothing else to say ab it. He’s taking all of that stress out on you every single time!

[pidgemotoiii]

Silly Billy

Scotty x reader: Banana episode(if u couldn't find it)

An: Hey yall uhm college is kinda tough. I'm writing this literally at the end of my spring break. Most likely this is gonna be followed by the Riri one-shot that I was gonna do for valentines day (muddo) or Hot for Shuri pt. 3 so I can finish that off. I need to stop writing these long ass plots. Motivation is so not it lmao, I want to write these longer stories but I think my cap is 4k and smut is such a challenge. Anyways make sure you take screen breaks. Also I really enjoy the comments and reblogs, I'm just trying to be more interactive with people on here. I hope you enjoy the fic!

Fic blurb: Poor Scotty she only knows one way to love. In abundance-

Warnings: Stalking lots of stalking, light smut (i'm tryin i'm tryin), swearing, Mentions of criminal activity, Reader is ambivalent to most of Scotty's activities.

Word count: 4.3k

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was six p.m. on a Monday night. The cream-colored walls of the apartment added tension to a mood that sorely didn’t need it. An older woman in a bed lies down in a pale blue night dress. Her daughter presumably- finishes getting dressed. She fixes her hair and kisses her mother on the forehead. She tugs on the girl’s hand and fixes her face to say something. The thought she has on her mind is making her uneasy. 

“Viv, don’t be daft with her ok- just ask her out and be nice, and if she says no, move on don't get all silly this time. Promise.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, Phoebe! Where's that iced macchiato for Dean?” You strained your voice. The Saturday afternoon- summer heat was getting to you. Your work shirt and apron hug your body tight, and you thank the above for deodorant because the AC in the coffee shop was not doing you any favors. “Phoebe-” 

“That iced macchiato. I got you- I got you” Phoebe swerved around you and rang the bell, “Dean! Iced macchiato with two pumps of vanilla!” 

“You didn’t have to say two pumps-” Dean told your co-worker, marginally displeased. 

He adds a ‘thank you’ and goes to sit in the corner. He sits and stares at the glass door- like he's waiting on someone. A dark skin girl walks into view, she has on a plaid shirt with a green overcoat. How she survived in this heat was a mystery to you. Her hair is permed and styled with a bang in the front. Her head whips around looking for her friend until her eyes lock onto yours. Her eyes are wide, seemingly trying to memorize your face and features in five seconds. 

"Scotty!" Dean shouted- breaking the intense connection you two had. You peered over in the direction he was waving. His presence was demanding her attention, once ‘Scotty’ realized how long she was staring her face froze and her color drained. She pivoted in Dean’s direction and swiftly shuffled away toward him. 

You decided to play this game a little longer. You came from behind the counter to stock the shelves. You grabbed the box and a step ladder, and you muttered ‘excuse me’ and left your lips as you passed them. You unpacked the box and started putting stuff away, catching a bit of their conversation. 

“So- I found a way to get that four hundred quid” Dean sipped on his drink attempting to engage Scotty in conversation. While Scotty was busy drooling over how great you look in your apron; and how great it would be to feel under that apron, her mind wandered. 

She would be exhausted, coming back from a job that ran way too late and a client that ran his mouth way too much. She would round the corner and that same little black apron would be tied around your waist. You would be bent over the counter, and a sliver of fabric would be wound taught over a very gleaming gem. Obviously, it was Scotty’s gift from last year’s valentines day. Jazz would be crooning through your shared apartment. You would turn around slowly and ask her something awfully important. 

“Scotty?”

“Yes?”

“Yvonne still sends you letters?” Scotty does not take this well- you could see how her face morphed into a scowl. 

“Dean! Can you stop talking about her please?” Scotty begged Dean; her eyes began to water a little. You wondered why she had such an adverse reaction to that name. You felt a bit of pity in your stomach for the cute girl but were irked at the thought of someone treating her so badly. Your quick lapse of sympathy was proving to be your demise- you could feel the overpriced reusable cups falling out of your hand. 

“What the fuck!” Dean’s drink splatters on himself and Scotty. The clang being so egregiously loud sends you into a state of panic. 

“Fuck! I’m so sorry!” You profusely apologized and ran to get napkins. After you found some, you race over to their table to clean up some of the spills. During your furious cleaning, you didn’t hear Scotty muttering under her breath. Terrified at the

“Can I make you a free drink or something-” 

 “I think you’ve done enough- thank you.”

“Dean-” Scotty’s tiny voice paled in comparison to Dean’s irritation. Dean snatched the napkin from your hand and evenly split it with Scotty- he handed it to her gently. As you walk away Scotty grabs your hand and brings you down closer to her face.

“I’m sorry, he isn’t usually like this-” Scotty reassured you. You knew she meant well but the only thing you wanted to do was get out. Scotty tugged on your hand again, not letting you go to do your job. 

“No- I’m serious he just hasn't gotten laid in a while-” she whispers through an awkward smile and giggles. You are bewildered at the very arrogant man and his weird date- that your face starts to betray your friend at all-time service worker training.  

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable, didn’t I.” Scotty’s face drooped and she quickly dropped your hand. She looked pitiful- you had to say something.

“No, it’s ok I’m not that uncomfortable I’ve heard and been in worse.” That did not make her feel better- she was about to sob again. All that ran through her mind was all the different ways that people made her uncomfortable and how she was now in the same category.

“What have you bloody done now?! Scotts let’s go.” Dean got up and kissed his teeth and gave a look to Scotty. She gives you a final quiet sorry and they leave not without Scotty putting up a fuss with Dean to give you an apology.

 You let out a sigh- your daze was interrupted by Phoebe. 

“Wow- I’ve seen you fuck shit up but now you fucked shit right up” she gave her unneeded commentary. She made it up by giving you the rag so you could clean up the mess. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mondays are the worst- you already took shit from asshole customers but today marks that day you’re sticking up for yourself. You thank heaven for your break in between Saturday’s mess. A very long and hot shower was taken to prepare yourself for Monday’s madness. An angry letter from your landlord is looking very promising in your future. Making breakfast is your next plan of action- you made a tuna melt and lock up.

You make your commute to the bus stop when you realized that the buses weren’t running today because of maintenance.  You remember they were talking about striking a week ago- you kissed your teeth and debated going to work today. 

You already passed that insurance place that might as well be a money laundering scheme. ‘They’re already stationed from Manchester to Hampshire they might as well be’ sounds off in your mind. They call excessively about an ‘alpha package’ and the only reason why is because your mum and dad signed up and put you under an emergency contact. 

Lately, the calls have been more frequent and stranger- you start to recall one-

You were rudely interrupted from your Sunday nap- dazed and confused you slide over to your bedside table.

“Hello?”  you asked tentatively. 

A light breath hitches, echoing crackly through the cheap phone.  

“Look- I don’t want the stupid alpha package. Stop fucking calling oh my god!” you slam the phone on the receiver ending it. You feel a pang of slight guilt, but you remember where it got you last time.

‘What the fuck is that’ a piercing noise startles you- prompting you to take a peek around the wall. There- in the parking lot is a person besides a green van. They hunch over looking at what you assume could be a phone that they smashed onto the gravel. Their baseball cap matches the color of the van-

‘Fuck-’ they see you- they see you. The decision was made to go to work, and you take off in a sprint. It was better to go to a crowded area than to lead the person to your house. 

you hear the engine starting- “Fuck!”  you can’t tell if it’s as loud as you think or if it’s just your heart beating out of your ears. Your mild sprint turns into a breakneck speed-

------------------------------------------------------

By the time you reach work it’s a quarter past nine- The door handle acts as your crutch as you hunch over trying to catch your breath. You see your reflection in the glass, your hair is frizzed and sweat lines your brow.

“Jesus, you look terrible- what the hell happened.” Your designated favorite, Maggy- she does her work, and you do yours it’s a lovely partnership.

“Thanks- why the hell are you here- you’re not on shift today.” You walk over to wash your hands and put on your apron. 

“Boss asked If I could come in today, said he’d pay me overtime at double.” A sigh left your lips. “No but what happened to you?”

“I think I saw someone getting rid of evidence.” She looked at you puzzled and slowly brought her fingers to her lips.

“No- I did not smoke a blunt.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” 

“Positive?”

“Maggy- Im being serious.”

“We’ll talk about it later. Next in line, please!” You take a breath and recalibrate yourself to do your job. “Hi can take your order this morning.” The day keeps getting better- why is she here again? She was just embarrassed as you that day why couldn’t she have gone to another location- there’s one, two streets down.  

“I-I’m sorry, we were doing work on t-this building and they sent me to get them some coffee.”

“I get it you didn’t wanna walk far.”

“Y-yeah.”

She proceeded to tell you her order. You whipped it up in ten minutes and tapped on the bell. “Order for Scotty!” Her head popped and she sprinted over to the counter.

“I don’t see a macchiato?” you joked trying to lighten the mood and ease her nerves. 

“o-Oh he said he didn’t want anything.” The more she spoke the more her voice quieted. 

“You know you didn’t have to apologize again.”

“But I wanted to!“ as her voice climbed an octave, you made an ‘awe’ sound. Scotty pushed her chocolate croissant to you. 

“i-I want you to have it. If I told you when I was ordering, you would’ve said no. That’s if you’re not allergic to chocolate or gluten or- “her speech picked up speed. You think of your cold, soggy, and unappetizing tuna melt as you took the croissant from her hands; your stomach grumbled in awe. 

“Thank you, Scotty, that’s very thoughtful.” She smiles and giggles in delight. You tell her that if she stays any longer with you their coffee is going to go cold (and that she’s holding up the line but you do that gently). She shuffles out the door with a skip in her step and a high-pitched ‘bye!’ 

“You made her day.“ 

You paused in between a bite of your croissant. “Stop it-“ 

“It’s true! I think she has a little crush.” You rolled your eyes.   

“Whatever, I’ll let you enjoy your gift. I guess you’ll tell be about your run-in with a brigand some other time.” Your answer was the same as the last. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scotty had become a regular at your job. For the past three weeks, she orders about four coffees and a chocolate croissant for you. You two have developed a sort of kinship- she’s so dedicated it’s endearing if you had to say so. She pops up on your breaks sometimes and eats lunch with you. 

 On occasions when you have the evening shift Scotty waits with you as you close up. Normally You two talk about your work but she decides to open up to you today. 

“Sooo you work in construction?”

“yeah-” Scotty’s getting better at answering you, she even looks you in the eye when you two conversate. 

“That sounds interesting where’s the site?”

“We’re just fixing up this flat for rent.” She tells you the location. You gasp-

“That’s just right across from me!”  

“Really?” If she wasn’t giving you one hundred percent of her attention to you before it’s at a hundred a fifty now. 

“Yeah! It’s so funny I can’t even imagine you lifting a hammer.”

“I even do electrical work.”

“You’re just so handy.” Scotty giggles as she beams with pride as you compliment her skill set. “Think I could get your number so I could call you if I need something fixed.”

You guess telling her telling you about her work is as deep as it’s going to get for now. Scotty gives you an erratic nod, and you two exchange phone numbers; Scotty’s through stuttered and broken words. Her alarm goes off signaling she has to get back to work.

“i-I can stay like I do on Saturdays, it’s fine my boss doesn’t mind, I swear.” She says urgently to you. You grab her hand and clasp it in yours. Her palm is rough, numerous healed scrapes and blisters cover it. 

“No, Scotty you have to back to work and so do I.” You two do this song and dance on almost every occasion though today felt very different. Her eyes start to water and she lowers her head. You steel yourself in order for both of you not to lose your jobs. “Scotty- Scotty look at me” she raises her head to look at you “We’re not going to war- I’ll see you tomorrow.” You end with a chuckle. Scotty seems placated by your laugh and reassurance and musters up a sentence.

“Can I call you, when I get home.” You let out a loud cackle and swiftly give her a kiss on the cheek. Scotty lets out a tiny whimper- “Just text me before, I don’t want to be asleep-“  

“Am I going to be disturbing you?-  

“Scotty! Go!” you practically shove her out the breakroom door and through the front door. She leaves you with a giant wave. 

You sigh in relief. That was one of the longest shifts you have ever had. You blame it on your anticipation for your call with Scotty tonight. The moment you hear the click of the locked door, you race home. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reaching home and shutting your door. You go to your shower, scalding water as always. You don’t know why but you really like this girl. It doesn’t help that she looks at you like you hung all the stars in the sky. You run your hands down your neck to your nipples. They start to peak from the stimulation. You move your hand down to your pussy, but nothing really felt as good as those calloused hands against yours. The best thing is to towel off and do your skincare routine. 

You stare from the bed at your open window longingly. You check your phone 0 message- calling her first seems like a great idea but selfishly you want her to make the first move. The vibrator in your drawer is tempting- your pants are already off. Scotty’s call you bang your head against the headboard.  

The clock strikes eight and you toss and turn in your bed. Your restlessness leads to dragging your feet toward the AC panel. ‘Not working of course-‘ at least you have a reason to call- ‘No- No’ you don’t let your mind wander to the person haunting your dreams. It’s ridiculous what three weeks of nonstop affection, gifts, and heavy stares do to a person. You decide you need some fresh air, and the siren song of the cool breeze is taunting you. 

Your feet drag against the hardwood flooring towards the window. You open the window- ‘Fuck’. The car, the car it’s outside you shut the window and the curtains. ‘The fucking car it’s outside.’ Your legs are locked to the floor and your heart feels like it’s lurching out of your chest. ‘They’re gonna kill me- they’re gonna kill me.’ You feel like hell, nearly falling your way to the floor and crawling to your bed. Your heart won’t stop- it’s not supposed to stop but in this case, you would love it to slow down. You should’ve called your parents last week, they haven’t heard your voice in a while ‘Now they might not hear your voice at all.’

Bzzt! Bzzt! Your phone- oh my god- Scotty! You are so happy about Scotty’s resistance to instructions right now. You creep towards it making as little noise as possible. 

“Hey! It’s Scotty! Sorry about-“her voice booms through the speaker of the phone. Her nervousness is conveyed through her high-pitched voice. 

“Scotty- Scotty shh-“ 

“w-What happened?” she quieted down. 

“Someone-“ your throat starts choking up, and tears stream down your face. Every inhale you take tastes and smells of salts.

“Who?” 

your breath stutters- “Someone is outside my flat-“

“Who?”

“I don’t know who-“ you steady your speech to make a coherent sentence. “There was like someone dumping e-evidence, I think. I saw them smash a phone on the ground by a van- I don’t know but I think they’re criminals.

“Why do you think that?” Why is she dismissing you like this? Why is her voice so eerily calm. How is she thinking this is helping you?

“Because it’s the same fucking van is outside my fucking flat- what aren’t you fucking getting.” You sniffle loudly as you cradle the phone to your face.

“What color is it?” What-

“Fuck! Why do you- it’s green, the van is green, it’s outside-!”

“I’ll be there.” 

“Scotty?! Scotty no- stay there please!” your scathing whispers were only met with the dial tone. 

Scotty

Call the police

Call the police!

Don’t come to the flat please!

                            Read at 9:00pm 

What the fuck is wrong with her? 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No but, what the fuck is wrong with Scotty. How does she keep getting herself into these situations? She knows it ended fairly well for her- why jinx that? She is infatuated with you but now knows that love should be a slow process- taking the time to get to know one another. 

The kiss you gave her today, she skipped-tripped and almost slipped on her way back to work. Which she never lied to you about or so she tells herself. She is a handyman but on the weekdays, she works at your favorite company. If you only knew the days, she would watch you from the maintenance van hoping to get a glimpse of you. Not really the first time she used her job to get leverage onto you. It wasn’t her fault that your parents signed up- she was doing her job trying to recruit a new customer. 

All those calls- Scotty, and her coworkers were amazed at every day- how she wore her red cap and the giggle before she took it off. Especially that Sunday one, she knew she shouldn’t have done it but when she heard your groggy hello, it was all worth it. She would’ve saved it- a wave of happiness rippled through ought her body broken by your loud swearing. As usual, a giggle left her mouth after the cap left her head- though her joyous moment was ruined when it wasn’t her work phone but her cell. 

She pondered for weeks on what to do. She prayed you never checked the caller id-but, the suspense weighed on her chest. So, one day on a particular Monday morning she decided to nip it in the bud. Destroying her phone- it was dramatic but so is Scotty.

Through destroying her phone she felt that she could start anew, court you the right way. Buy you treats, spend time, and learn more about you. But that kiss, your kiss- your lips were so soft, so different than when Dean would give her a kiss on the cheek. Scotty wanted to know more, feel more, and be more. Which is why she’s petrified and struggling to find a way to park this van and get to your flat by eleven. She told herself it was going to be quick, you two would be on the phone for an hour and she’d go home right after. 

There is a reason that people say old habits die hard.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A loud knock at your door echoes through your apartment. You check to see if your cutlass is still under your bed-

“It’s Scotty-“ she said cautiously knowing you were in a heightened state. You paced over to your door. 

“Nobody’s out there with you?”

“Nobody.” You unlocked the door. Scotty’s hair was matted to her forehead from sweat, and she was shaking and out of breath. She stepped into your apartment, collapsed onto you, and buried her head in your neck. You felt her tears wet your neck, and her arms nearly crushed you from the strength of her hug. Hugging her back was mandatory- it felt so relieving to know that she was ok, the feeling was mutual. 

You were compelled to kiss her face, and she answered by pecking your neck gently. This was forbidden territory for her, she was tense but almost losing you gave her more than a bit of confidence. Scotty trailed her kisses down your neck and into your bosom. Nuzzling and nipping ever so softly, you let out a moan. Your nipples start to peek out from under your shirt, and she further squeezes you into her. Running her hands down your back and into your sleep shirt, her cold hands snap you from your trance.

You coo her name into her ear. “No- no I don’t want to let you go.” She pleads with you. “You don’t have to I just want to check for the van.”

 “I didn’t see it when I came up.” You stood your ground and her arms finally let you go as you clasp her hand. You two walk over to the window, lo and behold Scotty was right it was gone. It was safe, you were safe, just one thing. 

You take Scotty’s hand and trail it up your chest cupping it over your breast- her palm recoils from your touch. “I thought you didn’t want to let me go?” “I don’t!” she answers as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “i-I wanted to ask you out first. When we got on the phone but uhm I’m not blaming you for any of this, the van and you were crying-” You bring her palm up to her lips to quiet her.

“Scotty, I want to go on a date with you.” Her eyes light up and her mouth crinkles at the sides from how hard she’s smiling. “Just one request though, can you stay the night? Please?” Scotty starts hyperventilating again, she wants to say yes but you have a feeling that something important is stopping her. 

“I can but-” there it is “I would have to leave, and I don’t want you to think I was ditching you or something. My mother is at home by herself and I have to take care of her but I don’t want to leave you alone, at least for tonight.” Your heart melted at her confession; she was finally opening up to you. It was also divided, her mother at home by herself when Scotty had rushed to your flat, you shook your head. 

“Does that mean no?”

“No, it means if you’re gonna stay, you need to take a shower. I have spare clothes.” Her attitude perks up again, and you start to see your regular Scotty again. She practically skips off to shower and when she emerges; she flops down next to you on the bed. You make a come here gesture with your fingers and Scotty happily rolls towards you, wet hair soaks your pillowcase. 

“You were quick.”

“I wanted to be done before you went to sleep.” Again, she says it like these are concrete facts. If she only knew the indirect charmer she was. 

“Somehow, I don’t feel like sleeping.” Scotty twitches slightly but stays silent. “You don’t wanna say anything now?” She turns her head away from you, and you turn it back towards you. You tuck your head underneath her chin, and your nose nuzzles her throat. 

“Still Nothing?” Her neck gets warmer, you feel the heat radiate onto your face. Her actions are catching up to her and nearly fucking you in the kitchen standing up is the least. Scotty called your name.

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.” Scotty crashed her lips into yours. This is what it came to, a complete delight. Your lips felt even better on hers and tasted like chocolate, just like Scotty dreamed of. She slipped her tongue into your mouth and her hands snuck underneath your shirt massaging your nipples. Scotty’s calloused hands provided a level of friction that could not be replaced. She climbed on top of you, putting her weight on your forearms, caging you in between your arms.  

You spread your legs for her, and she took the hint and slotted her hips in between yours. She subsequently peels your shirt off your body. Her mouth trails down your chest and begins to suckle. Your breath hitches as Scotty looks up from your breast. She analyzes you and decides that her favorite part of your face is your mouth. She loves kissing it, the way she nipped it, and a whine escaped your lips. 

Your favorite part of her face is her eyes, they’re glossed over with hunger. For you and you only- “unh Scotty- lower please.”, she nodded and got to work. 

[breeeliss]

#LockedTombtober Day 4: First

a/n: bc it’s less depressing to say that ianthe was harrow’s second kiss lol

//

day 4: first 

//

they’re lying in harrow’s bed fully clothed, still drenched in saltwater, when harrow asks probably the most ridiculous question gideon has ever heard leave her lips. “were your magazines entirely pornographic?” 

the delivery is so clinical that gideon is almost sure harrow asked her to confirm a footnote in some godforsaken bone witchery textbook, or whatever it was that harrow studied all day. it’s only because harrow is violently pressing her nails into the meats of her palms that gideon knows she heard correctly and allowed the silence to fester into some pretty spectacular awkwardness. 

gideon grasps for anything to say in response and unfortunately has to remain satisfied with, “i mean, like...y-yeah? mostly?” 

it’s because of the terrible secrets they now shouldered together -- the inability to let the other out of their sight, the need to fill the silence with noise no matter how inane or ridiculous -- that harrow forces the conversation forward. “what do you mean by mostly?” 

“...i mean, i don’t know. sometimes there’s some plot.” 

harrow raises an eyebrow, and gideon swears she’s taking the piss out of her. “porn with plot? fascinating.” 

“you asked!” gideon squirms. “there’s a lead up. you know, warming up the furnace before sticking your hands straight on it. setting the mood. establishing the vibe. getting the--”

“i quite get the point, griddle.” 

“oh shut up, you were the one who asked. why are you even asking?” 

harrow simply shrugs, scratching at the flaking white paint on her forehead. “...you kissed me.” 

it’s said in a whisper, and it takes gideon a moment to remember that...oh...yes, she did indeed. gideon’s body didn't take much instruction from her brain while they were in the pool. gideon only knew that harrow looked wretched begging for her to be punished for every hateful word that ever left her lips, and gideon unthinkingly showed her compassion instead. 

“you looked like you needed it,” she replies. “you were shivering and crying, that’s a normal reason to give someone a kiss.” 

harrow rolls over onto her side, and her hand falls on the mattress in between them. “is there a lot of shivering and crying in the magazines?” 

“no...at least not that kind. and there’s a lot more than kissing.” gideon shakes her head. “why are you asking, nonagesimus, this is super random.” 

the exhaustion from the day rolls over harrow in waves, and she doesn’t have the energy to snap back with anything other than the truth. “i was surprised, is all. your magazines always sounded rather torrid. but what you did was...nice.” 

gideon frowned. “i'm getting the sense you think i'm only capable of being a total horny asshole.” 

“well...not anymore.” 

gideon rolls over as well to watch harrow’s eyes refuse to make contact with hers. harrow doesn’t allow herself to possess anything resembling hesitation or weakness, and yet gideon thinks this is the first time she’s seen her nervous. “it’s not all ripped bodices and sex. like i said, sometimes there’s nice stuff that comes before it. cute stuff.” 

“like forehead kisses?” 

gideon takes a moment to truly think back. “actually...no. not really. i guess it just felt like the right thing to do, that’s all. if you hated it, you could’ve told me.: 

“no,” harrow says hurriedly. “i...i enjoyed it. it was my first one.” 

there’ve been too many sad discoveries about harrow this evening, and gideon feels a sickening pang after hearing one more. she thinks of harrow’s parents, the geriatric nuns forcing her into prayer, and gideon’s fists making her noses bloody all through their childhood. it hadn’t occurred to her that something as simple as a kiss hadn’t been present in all of that. 

“mine too. it’s not like there were many opportunities. kind of figured in some weird fucked up way you’d be my first. just statistically, you know.” 

harrow actually huffs out a weak laugh at the sorry excuse for a joke. “im sure there are more lifted skirts and popped buttons with the kisses you’ve read.” 

“you’d be surprised actually. like i said. it’s not all ripped bodices.” 

“what are they like then?” 

gideon’s breath catches, and harrow’s fingers stretch carefully, slowly, softly across the comforter until just the tips of their index fingers are touching. and god, they could die tomorrow. they really could honestly be stewing in their final hours at the fuck off edge of the universe in a house that was trying to kill them. there was so much poison that gideon could spew, so much revenge she could dish out, and so much cruelty she could finally force harrow to suffer through. and harrow would accept it without hesitation. but the look in harrow’s eyes clenches around gideon’s heart, and it’s the saddest, prettiest thing gideon has ever seen in her short, awful life. 

her other hand comes up to trace the tear tracks left in harrow’s face paint. “close your eyes.” 

harrow obliges, breath hitching and fingers clenching against gideon’s. but gideon has sworn to keep harrow safe and protected until she can no longer pick up her sword, and this is fealty she can be proud of. 

when their lips meet, gideon decides she’s glad that harrow was her first, and she’ll die content if harrow ends up being her last. 

[honeyblve]

i had a huge milestone happen yesterday in my health journey and i wanted to vent and document it for myself, kind of like a journal entry, because this is the end of a chapter and beginning of another for me. its kind of a selfish post that nobody else will probably care about but i think it will be nice to have to look back on. im not sure if adding trigger warnings to this post is needed but im going to add them just incase anyone takes the time to read this if you do read this i appreciate it sm.

tw: injury, mistreatment from doctors, mental health issues, su*cide

for the past year ive been dealing with a serious back injury that has wreaked havoc on my life. i had to quit my job and was basically bed ridden for months. its effected my mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing in such a horrible and traumatic way. i've seen numerous doctors and tried multiple types of possible solutions with no resolve in my pain, been rejected by a doctor for surgery due to my body type (dont even get me started on that bs. it was fully a him problem and not a me problem), and essentially lost all quality of life. at one point i was so exhausted and overstimulated from all the pain that i didnt see any point in living if the rest of my life was going to be consumed with an unimaginable and unbearable amount of pain. i spent many nights crying myself to sleep, feeling very isolated and alone, taking insane amounts of medicine for a small amount of relief, unable to rest due to pain, and missed out on some very important moments in my life and others around me lives as well. i graduated college earlier this year after 5 years of working full time, going to college full time, and dealing with health issues on top of it and was unable to walk across the stage and celebrate my hard work all because of this injury. i bottled up a lot of the stress and sadness i was experiencing because i didnt want to add another thing on to the list of problems to figure out for myself or my family. which in turn caused me to start having major issues with anxiety and depression. a year in my life that was meant for growth, transition, and finding my footing as a proper adult was completely overtaken. to say it was a hard year is such an understatement but truly the only way i can really put it.

yesterday, i saw a new specialist and was finally approved for surgery after being turned down by another specialist back in september ‘22. a surgery that takes 45 minutes and will almost instantly relieve any pain im experiencing. a surgery that i was told would usually be suggested 6 weeks into experiencing symptoms a year and two months after i started experiencing symptoms. for the first time i was shown my mri results that i had done 9 months ago and explained just how severe the injury in my back is. my jaw was on the floor at how horrible it was. i could finally understand what was happening inside my body. it helped my brain justify everything that ive been experiencing and proved to myself that i wasnt crazy. when i was asked if i wanted to move forward with the surgery it was the first time that i felt like i wasnt just being observed and passed along for someone else to make the decision for me. i finally felt like i was given the opportunity to speak for myself and make a decision for my own body. i wasnt seen based only on my outer appearance or a number on a scale. i was seen as a human being who is experiencing pain 24/7 for over 400 days and needed help. finally my advocacy for myself worked and a doctor is on my side. when he left the room i immediately started sobbing and felt like i could breathe for the first time in what felt like forever.

looking back i think in many ways this year was meant for internal growth. there were a lot of things i had to learn about myself and begin to change. either through therapy or by opening up to family and friends. so even though it was not necessarily growth in the literal world, i grew up a lot within myself. for some reason in all of my circumstances i always feel the need to learn something. maybe its just blind optimism. whatever it is though it helps me put one foot in front of the other. what i learned through all of this is valuing myself and knowing my self worth. i learned how to advocate for myself and not take no for an answer. i learned how strong i am in multiple areas of my life. but i also learned how to accept help and know that i cant do everything by myself. and that doesnt mean that i'm weak.

if anyone reads this i hope that you know its so important to learn to advocate for your wellbeing and dont allow anyone to mistreat you, use you, or demand that you meet their expectations before being treated as a human being. its okay to take a step back and take care of yourself. and when it comes to doctors and medicine, trust. your. body. it knows when something is wrong. doctors are just people and sometimes dont know wtf theyre talking about. they are not all-knowing deities. they dont live in your body. not agreeing with them is not against the law. it is okay to seek out care from someone else. and if you feel stuck with someone who is not listening to you or who doesnt see you as a human being, there are doctors out there that truly love what they do and want to help you. they dont see you as a statistic or a box to check off on a long list of things to do for the day. they truly want to see you thrive and be healthy. sometimes it just takes a little work to find them.

anyways this was much longer than i expected it to be. if you read this far down i am so grateful that you took some time to read this post. it means a lot. and if future me reads this, i hope i've continued to learn how to value myself in all circumstances and not take any of lifes bs.

[trappedbeautyunleashed]

I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore and I’m scared I’ll never find her… I’ve been in such a bad mental space that I can’t even explain it, it’s so exhausting just to wake up and go through the days motions but I'm used to it, and how bad it is, and how often it's so bad that it rings like a bell inside of me, drowning out everything around me. The truth is that I get frustrated with myself about it again and again but i can’t fix it ….I take meds but I’m still like this still? Again? It's not that I feel weak, precisely. It's just this sense almost like - I've already been pushing against this Demon for years now, shouldn't I have gained more ground? I get frustrated because I'm sick of picking up the loose ends and I get frustrated because it's always this same shit, same problem - I lose myself in a matter of months and spiral out of control, lose touch with friends and loved ones. I stop taking care of myself and therapy gets harder to the point I want to avoid it and I let everything around me wilt and shrivel and fall off.somehow I start both sleeping too much and not enough. I get panic-attacks just from simple tasks …just the other day I was having one and literally bawling in my car in the parking lot of DG pulling my hair out and hurting my ribs from sobbing so hard - and later, when I'm better, I'm embarrassed because how could I let it get that far?!?It feels like I already have done this so many times. Isn't there a way out of it? Isn't there a point where I've just... finally won? that it never happens again, that I just get to be done? maybe this is weakness that I often feel but comes to a point where I am used to it so I forget exactly how hard it gets. Do you even know how many times I’ve laid in bed, exhausted, blank and numb and try to drown out the thoughts with music as I lay there crying out to God- I can't anymore. I just can't. Im not even really upset just broken and lost…”It's okay” I hear but in that moment all I feel is that I’ve been here long enough. so much of my life was beautiful until the darkness took over .... I'm just... done. Do you know how many times I wake up and I say -I can't and put my feet on the floor and said I can't, I don't want to and literally forced myself to get up and take a shower, feed and dress my kid but it’s just to much work to make my own so I just don’t won’t eat that day. I put a nice playlist on and try to dance it out but I really can't and it sucks because then the thoughts start suffocating me there is no end to this and I go to my appointment and I called a friend just to get no answer,I made myself coffee even if everything tasted like ashes and decided that I really should wait for the new album from that artist I love and i thought I can't, it's not worth it and then I washed my hands and dye my hair,drank more water and wrote some gibberish,signed up for some fancy Mom group that I’ll never really attend because by the time it comes around my mind and body say I just can't, i try to fight back like I’m at war…I can't, I won't do this again, and I paid my rent but haven’t vacuumed or sweapt all week but still made myself eat something fresh and healthy even if it meant overdrawing my account on a stupid bag of carrots just because they looked delicious and do you know how often I closed my eyes and thought this is it I really fucking can't anymore seriously something has to give and I have nothing left that this “illness” can take but then I force my eyes closed till I finally drift to sleep and morning comes and I wake up and realize I survived another day anyway.

#keepgoing #mystoryisntoveryet #mentalhealthisreal #dontsufferinsilence

[not-my-circuss]

Anyway idk I've been listening to the Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté and trying to put it within my emotional perspective and learning about your own psychology is equally exhilarating and exhausting.

Because its like "oh! That makes so much sense now, why I act this way" and then you're faced with the work its going to take to deprogram yourself in an effort to be healthy.

Like its nice knowing that my addiction to my previous relationship was because I was seeking that distant detachment I got from being left to eat at the dinner table while my parents fought in the other room- that losing that relationship destroyed me so fucking much not just because I loved this person so much but because it triggered the trauma of the divorce.

I tried so hard to "fix", or as I saw it, help this person to be better, and if they got better it would prove that he loved me and I was worthy of love and caring for, in the way that my father has never been able to get better or "prove" that he loves me enough.

And I know all these things and then I still get sad because I really did love that person and they gave me some really good memories (but mostly trauma) and it just makes me sad sometimes. We were kids that entered adulthood together and it feels lonely without him sometimes.

But I love the new memories im making and i feel like I'm making progress, there's just a lot of weeds to get through. I dont want to be sad and fucked up forever, I want to be happy and stable and be able to give so much more than what my body and mind (and wallet) allow me to give now.

Healing is complicated and layered and I feel so stimulated thinking about these psychological studies, or Taoist philosophies, or the themes I want to incorporate into the story I want to write. Im excited about being excited about these things I think because I've felt so indifferent and hollow for so long, this feels like a light at the end of a shitty tunnel.

Anyway, idk, if anyone even reads to the end of this, read the Myth of Normal, and congrats on learning a little more about my psyche I guess? Have a good night I love you ♡

[cantalooprat]

Pheromone Deficiency Report

What I Liked

has everything that one could want from a dogblood plot: shitty families, contract marriage, lies, vehicle accident leading to memory loss, wife-chasing---it's so nice, like a checklist getting fulfilled one at a time

gu jinyi is rly super pitiful 💀💀💀 like damn the guy is v mentally strong for what he's gone through. his family is shit enough to not care abt him n even wanted to sell him as a wife to a middle-aged man known to abuse his bed partners, he had a hereditary genetic disease that weakened his body so much that he had to resign from the military dept at school, fell into a love so passionate at his weakest point but then his partner left him, then he waited for said partner which lowered his chance for survival when undergoing the surgery, then when he got married it wasn't even for love but for his own protection, then his marriage partner died and he had to fend off for himself and his partner's child, then got picked up in a contract marriage orchestrated by the partner who left him and had wanted him back. like. he went through so much shit. and he was so so tired but he still tried his best.

tbh i was rly sad hearing him talk abt his past w "fu chen". how he loved him so much that all he wanted was to spend the rest of his ordinary days with him in a peaceful life. how he knew fu chen was going to leave him behind and yet he still waited for him. how he wanted to see fu chen before he went for surgery but the one he waited for never came. how this left such a large shadow over him that he thought he couldn't ever love anymore, because it would be unfair for his partner that he was so hung up over the lover who abandoned him, that he had exhausted all his love all those years ago. how he compared himself to a domesticated animal who could leave his home for good but would probably never belong to another for the rest of his life. the whole thing just broke my heart god authornim gu jinyi is so pitiful

xie huaizhou/"fu chen" deserves it all lmao serves him right to get pheromone deficiency disorder and to have missed gu jinyi all those years. like he wasn't the worst gong considering his circumstances and how gentle he was after the contract marriage but also?? shit??? idk i just thought gu jinyi's life is just way too sad.

i had emotional whiplash from "hnnnghgh xie huaizhou is so gentle and sweet towards gu jinyi, gu jinyi pls fall in love" to "holy shit i knew u were fu chen but hell!!!! do some wife-chasing!!!!! gu jinyi my poor sweet shou!!!!!!"

the side ship of albert/taotao was so bittersweet too. im glad they got their own happy ending bc they v v deserve it

i was very willingly emotionally manipulated by this dogblood novel and i loved every second of it

What I Disliked

not enough mention of the kid tbh i thought he would have a bigger role other than this poor little guy who kept getting dragged around cluelessly

not quite dislike but. ngl i wanted xie huaizhou to grovel more

Notes

songzicha novels r good bc theyre bitesized

i was actually reading transmigrated into the violent boss's little mermaid but the tl wasn't finished then i was craving omegaverse lmao

some plot points kind of reminded me of the missing piece but i feel like it's more of an aspect of the dogblood tropes they were going with

read fully via mtl w minor edits

[maliciousmalfeasance]

i don't get to walk very much lately

not because im short on time, or lovely places to go- but because my body has been playing a nasty trick on me- or maybe my body is the trick- it all feels like one big, terrible drawn out joke that stopped being funny before it even left the lips of whoever's been telling it over and over for the last 2 years.

Worse yet- I keep falling for it. (ha ha, get it? Because I fall over...) I keep entertaining the idea that it's better now! I'm seeing slight improvements so who knows maybe soon I can pack the shower chair away and never look at it again and I can walk down to the lake and sit there like I did- a week- years ago- eons away from now. It's silly. I see my partner witnessing it, each time. The wind up, the expectation and maybe- even the actual merciful plateau for a while. Enough energy to garden and clean and get a start on the mountain of "when im doing better" tasks that keeps growing and looming in my periphery. And then- I hit the wall again. My body knocks me out and drags me aching and cursing back to bed. I've no idea how long I'll be back at square one.

I haven't been able to go for walks often- is what I'm saying. Which is what has made the few times I have been able to go for walks, so magical. I've been really into moss! Strange fixation to have when there are many more pressing and beautiful things to snatch my attention but I find I keep my eyes down a lot as a general habit (better keep an eye on these feet- you never know where they're going) and I find an inordinate amount of comfort in little tufts of green tucked into the darkest, dankest crevices of suburbia and bush land.

Same goes for lichen, fungi, and just life in general. I've been keeping fish and plants and- maintaining little islands of life is excellent enrichment in my enclosure, I gotta say. I love the reminder that life persists even when I feel so cut off and vulnerable and sick. I love my snails and shrimp and fish. I get disproportionately sad when I can't manage to work on my gardening and fish-keeping projects. Watching shows and movies is still a fun thing to do with others but when I'm by myself it's really lost its lustre. I can't help but associate watching tv with being exhausted and barely functioning at this point because when I'm too tired and unwell to think coherently, I watch something to try and keep myself occupied and awake.

Anyways all this to say- I want to document my walks some more, and my outings in general. With film wherever possible, because this way I can surround myself with images of outside and hope when I'm in this rut again next. Because something tells me this rut is going to remain a frequent stop in my life- might as well make it a nice little rut to get stuck in. My body is forcing a lot of rest on me at the moment. That is what it is. Better not to turn the rest into torture by sucking all the joy out.

I hope your life has opportunities for rest, too. And life! I recommend keeping plants-if you need plant advice I'm no expert but I can try my best. If you can't keep plants alive consider yourself a plant and keep yourself well watered and make sure you get some sun on your leaves and soil on your soles (souls? you heathens.) occasionally.