#im just studying like a lot cause my schedule sucks

[anzynai]

Study Break!

Riddle & Ace & Chenya (TWST)

a/n: WOOOO another twst fic done! and its lee riddle!! surprisingly enough, i actually got a lot of lee riddle requests (which i dont blame u nom nom) so im planning to write those requests in the future. still, here i combined two of them so i hope u dont mind! this was actually meant to be posted much sooner but well.. got sidetracked. plus, i wanted to write another fic before i posted this one. (that did not happen) ANYWAY, enjoy!

summary: when ace is forced to study with riddle, he finds that things may not be so bad after-all when a friend of riddle’s comes to visit!

word count: 1.5k

——

“Urghhh..” Ace groaned to himself. “This sucks..” Slouching over his papers, he wanted nothing more than to just go back to his room and sleep for ten years.

See, it was his fault, wasn’t it? That he had to waste three hours of his day on schoolwork instead of doing literally anything else. It’s true that he did get a.. well, less than favorable score on his test, but no! What he blamed himself on was the fact he had accidentally let Riddle see it!

And now, he was here, in the Heartslabyul Lounge, textbooks as far as the eye can see (or really, only covering the table) and Riddle drilling lesson after lesson into his brain. He was sure that if he stayed there a second longer, his brain would quite literally melt.

He hated that Riddle was actually a really good tutor. This wasn’t Ace’s first time getting a tutoring session with the Housewarden, despite the other’s busy schedule. But.. he had to be in the mood to study, you know?

“Do you get it, Ace? This is important,” Riddle asked, causing another groan to pass through the freshman’s lips.

“Yes… but..” He said, knowing full well that he hadn't been listening to Riddle for the past five minutes. “Can’t we just take a small break?”

“Not when you haven’t been listening to me at all. Do you really think you’re deserving of a break?” Riddle narrowed his eyes, his arms crossed. Ace, on the other hand, averted his eyes after getting through his initial shock.

“So you noticed..”

“Of course I did.”

“I just can’t focus! It’s just one test. I’ll do better on the next one.” Ace shrugged, looking out the window. He could be doing other things right now. Should he just.. say he needs to go to the bathroom and just leave? No, it’s Riddle. He would wait until Ace got back and punish him. And no one wanted to be on the receiving end of Riddle’s punishments.

“But you didn’t do well on this one. Tell me, what will you do if this material shows up on the final exam?” Riddle questioned, doubtful.

“Eh..”

“Hehe, playing teacher?” A voice suddenly cut out, startling the two. Ace jerked his head over towards the source to see.. a floating head?!

“Ah! It’s you!” What was his name? Arte… Pinky..? Huh???

“Chenya,” Riddle sighed, then looked up, a glare directed at him, rather than Ace. “Stop using your signature spell to scare others.”

“Hehe.” Chenya winked, then the rest of his body appeared.

“Freaky…” Ace mumbled to himself, still recovering from his heart attack earlier. How did he get in here anyway? When did he get here?

“What are you doing here?” Riddle asked the RSA student.

“Can’t I just visit my friends~?” Chenya put his hands behind his head, casually.

Riddle pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m assuming you’ve already met with Trey then?”

“Nope,” Chenya started, popping the p. “I actually thought I was gonna see you two together. You two used to be like, attached at the hip.”

“We were not.” Riddle looked away.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatcha doing?” He said, half-walking, half-skipping over to the table. Sevens, him and Floyd would get along swimmingly— no pun intended.

“As you can see, I’m tutoring one of my freshmen. He got an unacceptable grade on his last test and I am going to ensure that doesn’t happen again,” Riddle explains, gesturing at the textbooks sprawled about on the table.

“Way to put all my business out there, Housewarden..” Ace muttered under his breath. Riddle pointedly ignored him.

“Looks like he’s been working hard. I heard him ask for a break! Why not give the little freshie one?”

“Little freshie?!” Ace can hardly be grateful for Chenya trying to convince the housewarden to give Ace a break when he’s called that! Still.. a break would be nice.

Riddle looks between the two, a hopeful glint in each of their eyes.

Then, he sighed. “Fine. I will permit silent reading for ten minutes,” He responded, at last, handing him an alchemy textbook.

“Eh?! That’s not a break at all!” Ace exclaimed, before he could help it. He withdrew slightly at the glare that Riddle sent him.

“Yeah. I mean, like, something away from studying. Come on, the Chenya is visiting, do you think I’d wanna watch you two studying?” Chenya whined, throwing his arms out. He seemed very.. mischievous. Clearly, this was not his first rodeo.

“And what do you suggest?” Riddle raised a brow.

“I know!” Chenya declared, like he had been waiting for it, then he set his sights on Ace. Ace startled when Chenya started walking towards him, getting closer and cupping his ear to whisper into it.

Ace lit up while Riddle grimaced. Ace looked at the housewarden, newfound fervor in his demeanor. Ace had a mission and he could tell Riddle was not looking forward to finding out what it was.

“What are you two scheming over there?” Riddle demanded and Chenya shook, like he forgot the other was there. Then, the same fervor was in his eyes.

“Get him!” Chenya shouted, suddenly, as if Ace were a soldier or a knight or… something. Still, Ace obliged, running to pounce Riddle. Riddle didn’t seem to stop him, even though he very well could have, so the freshman could tell that he was curious about where this was going to go.

Then, Ace wiggled his fingers on Riddle’s sides and Chenya joined in, tickling Riddle’s ribs and armpits.

“H-huh?! Unhahand me!”

“No way! You were right, he is ticklish!” Ace exclaimed, almost incredulously.

“Hehe, isn’t he?” Chenya giggled. And that’s when it seemed to click in Riddle’s mind that that’s what they were whispering about. Riddle bit his lip, trying to resist but it was all over before he even began.

“Lehehehet gohoho!” Riddle laughed, an unwilling blush rising to his cheeks. Ignoring all that Riddle was, he looked so.. cute and innocent here.

“Nuh uh! This is how I want to spend my break!” Ace started poking his fingers in between Riddle’s ribs, loudly and obnoxiously singing some classical music, like Riddle was a piano. He knew he would probably die later, but… it was worth it.

When he hit a particular sensitive spot on his ribs, Riddle actually snorted. Yep. Definitely worth it.

Chenya was squeezing Riddle’s thighs, lightly grazing the tops of his knees all the while.

“You twohohoho, stahahap!” Riddle cried, squirming and trying to grab his magic pen from his pocket. That is, until Ace started scratching at Riddle’s waist, grazing his sides just barely, but enough to drive him mad.

“No way! Not when I found out my housewarden is,” Ace started, teasingly. “…this ticklish~” He enunciated his words with a poke to his side, laughing at how Riddle jolted each time.

“Teehee, he is just as ticklish as he was when he was little! So cuteee!” Chenya cooed, his slender fingers exploring Riddle’s tummy and bellybutton.

“Shuhuhut uhuhup!” Riddle screeched, his face bright red and Ace wasn’t really sure whether it was from embarrassment or anger. Maybe both. Maybe this shouldn’t go on much longer, he thought, thinking back about the times Riddle had used his unique magic on him. Riddle was better about it now, but he definitely still had his limits.

“Seems like you’re having fun?” A voice called out of seemingly nowhere. All three heads jerked towards the sound, spotting Trey in the doorway.

“Trehehehey! Mahahahake theheheem stohop!” Riddle giggled, finally giving up on trying to break free as he looked at Trey who chuckled in response.

“Alright, don’t you guys think he’s had enough?” Trey asked, walking closer to them but never actually stopping. Ace looked at his house warden and backed away. Chenya got in a few more pokes in before he stopped, as well, deciding to jog over to Trey.

“Trey! Your best friend is here!” He exclaimed, pointing at himself and winking. A fond smile made its way onto Trey’s face and Ace offhandedly wonders about the history between the three.

It is almost silent for a few moments, save for Riddle exhaling slowly and deeply.

“I hope that made for a sufficient break.” Riddle glared at the two, but especially Ace. Likely for giving into Chenya’s whims, which.. fair, but shouldn’t he be more angry at Chenya who suggested tickling him in the first place?!

“It definitely did, Housewarden!” Ace admitted, pushing any fear of retaliation that he might’ve had, recalling the moments just now. If Riddle hadn’t collared him, he must be safe, right? And well, it’s Riddle. Riddle would never do something so petty like tickle him back.

“Whatever. Let’s just get back to learning. And there will be no breaks until we are finished,” The Housewarden declares, sitting up to pick up one of the textbooks on the table. However, he scooted closer towards Ace, so that they were more diagonal than across.

Ace decided not to think about it too much. That is, until Riddle began poking him in the side every time he lost focus or got an answer wrong.

He supposed that this was what he deserved, so he didn't say anything. At least pokes in the side were all it was…

He shivered at the thought of Riddle finding out about how embarrassingly ticklish he was, but he’ll save that for another day! Now, he just has to get through this tutoring session… Ughhhh…

[logically-asexual]

i have a royalty AU in my head with kinda unsympathetic Remus that i’ve been thinking about for a few nights in a row. it’s a slightly different version from some idea i remember having posted here already.

and it’s that Roman and Remus are twins, Roman is the oldest by minutes so he’s the heir to the throne. everyone is always paying attention to Roman because he is the prince and Remus is constantly overlooked, even by his own family, which makes him super angry.

the two of them grow up with Logan because Logan’s parents are some kind of important people in the royal court or whatever so they have an agreement with the King and Queen that Logan would be educated with the tutors that teach the twins because they’re the best in the kingdom. so Logan practically or maybe actually lives in the castle and since he’s around the same age as Roman and Remus they spend a lot of time together.

they all get along fine but things get worse for Remus when he thinks that Logan prefers Roman over him (which he thinks mostly due to his own insecurity caused by everyone else treating Roman better, not because it’s true). so he gets super possessive over Logan and gets angry at Roman whenever he sees the two of them together. which starts many fights.

Remus also realizes he has a crush on Logan and wants to be with him at all times, but he’s convinced himself that Logan must like Roman instead. maybe Logan doesn’t like either of them romantically or maybe he does idk. all the options open nice opportunities for angst. like if Logan does like Roman but tries to hide it because he knows it’ll only cause trouble with Remus and he’s just yearning in silence for Roman. or Logan likes Remus but is scared of him when he gets angry so he avoids Remus more which makes Remus more angry. or Logan doesn’t like either and he’s put in a very uncomfortable position where he has to insist that he’s telling the truth but Remus won’t believe him.

anyway they grow up and the relationship only gets more tense on all directions. they’re not kids anymore and they can’t just play and ignore their problems. Remus gets sent somewhere else as Duke to look over some piece of land far away so he never sees the others, while Roman is preparing to become King. and Logan finished his studies, being the best of the three, and gets hired in the castle, of course, as an advisor for Roman.

now without the pressure of Remus off Logan and Roman become much closer and maybe they’re just friends or maybe they do develop feelings for each other, both are good. they keep growing up and one day Remus returns for whatever reason idk and he’s more resentful than ever. specially noticing how close the other two are and how happy they look without him.

so Remus picks fights with Roman and insults him constantly and also won’t let Logan have any personal space because Remus always around him, as if trying to keep him under vigilance. which sucks for Logan because he doesn’t know what to do. he doesn’t hate Remus nor is mad at him, he just misses being a child and how they all would get along, he hates that everything is so complicated now.

and ummm also my brain provides that Remus comes back because the King and Queen are looking for partners for Roman and Remus to marry, and having them both marry in the same season might be good for diplomatic relations with the families of the spouses or something. they can come to collective agreements and increase the size of the kingdom all at once.

so Remus interprets this as a fight over Logan’s hand. and maybe it is because Roman (with romantic feelings or platonic) would indeed like to have Logan by his side. but the parents decide to make Logan marry Remus because they do want him in the family but his education is too advanced so he can’t be with Roman, since the King can’t be overshadowed.

and uh more trouble ensues. i don’t know. that’s what i got. it’s 1am but im scheduling this for tomorrow instead lol.

[soscialia]

this is a journal entry sorry :/ i felt like typing and sharing

this year may actually be the year that i take the time and intention to take care of my body, mainly focusing on functionality and mobility, but also including strength training as well. i wont lie there is a little bit of body dissatisfaction, but i am mainly motivated with the desire to not be in pain all the time, and to set myself up in the future to be able to move around more, and to just increase my body awareness in general. working from home im already taking way more time to stretch, study fitness videos by people who actually care about longevity and functionality beyond the usual fitness to look or become a certain way. ive also been eating more and eating cheaper too from home. my main body dissatisfaction lies in my chest, im hoping to have bara tiddies one day lol; this is really the only “superficial” goal I have about fitness. The thing is though, working on developing my chest muscles will also require training like all the other upper body muscle groups too, like the shoulders and back, which is where i often feel a lot of pain; i will always be a side-sleeper and nothing will change that. the pain i feel in my back sometimes reminds me of atla when azula shoots aang in the back with a bolt of lightning, i swear its like a stabbing feeling just under my left scapula and near the spine. all that to says me working towards this goal of bara tiddies will help balance out the muscle groups that i guess are currently working at the detriment of others. also i think its fine to have “superficial” fitness goals, so long as its not achieved through unhealthy or shaming ways. 

i have a history with ocd, anxiety, and depression, and have recently been diagnosed with adhd (stimulant therapy has been life-changing) and since that diagnosis, ive noticed the other symptom/complexes(?) have diminished in severity so much. this was extraneous information to set up me saying that my relationship and process regarding goal-setting has always been very strenuous, taxing, and frustrating my whole life. i have a weird strain of perfectionism too where it prevents me from even trying to attempt things sometimes. i suck at goal-setting and beginning new habits; i think i actually love the prospect of beginning a new habit, the part that fills me with dread is coming up with how to keep up with progress, and i guess the creation of sub-goals, or working out concretely how to achieve the goals. part of this is that my schedule for existing for the past near decade has been so inconsistent for the sake of “adaptability” that any goal i try to set, or even if i figure out a (somewhat) detailed itinerary, my work schedule or school schedule would always work against me; not to mention being in the throes of untreated mental health issues and near-constant interpersonal conflicts. now that i have a normal person big-boy salaried job, and im adjusting fairly well to the 8-5 shift, i have a lot of hope in myself that im going to be able to keep up with my goals, however ill-developed.

this applies to fitness goals, personal development goals, career-oriented goals, AAND most frustrating goals involving my hobbies. as soon as i got hired at my job, i began reading three books (Conflict in Not Abuse by Sarah Schulman (which is incredibly relevant, interesting, and therapeautic to read, although there are blunders throughout, even just within the first three chapters), For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy by Lonnie Barbach, which was published in 1971, and is geared towards women, but the author makes a surprisingly progressive forward by saying anyone could learn something from this book, regardless of gender, and admits her limitations due to lack of research about lesbian relationships. She does a good job summing up the common causes and sources of intimacy issues, although focused around heterosexual relationships, I have resonated with a lot of what she has said thus far. Lastly I started reading Love by Toni Morrison, which is probably going to be the most challenging read, because I am not good at reading fiction. I remember...not a lot from reading Beloved in senior year of high school, but i remember liking the style that Morrison writes in, and it being emotionally taxing to read. I also need to continue the Animorphs series because I really fell off with those back in september.

[lesbianklance]

How are your exams going?

2 down 5 to go

first one went okay idk tbh, second one went spectacularly and now i got the next one on fr which im positive about

thanks for asking🥰

[hornime]

home workout | bokuto koutarou x gn!reader

“i’d let you do- do anything. anything you wan’ to me. i’m yours. all- all,” his voice raised a few octaves as the inside of your thighs brushed past his cockhead, “yours. all yours.”

warnings: 18+, sub!bokuto, jealous!reader (i mean who wouldn’t be when bokuto, your goddamn boyfriend, is perceived by other people the fuck), also lowkey possessive!reader, lotsa licking and sucking, nipple play, some praise (from reader) and some begging, brief mention of dacryphilia, kinda soft at the end

w/c: 1.5k sheesh

a/n: bokuto brainrot has me in literal tears. him being completely clueless to people flirting w him cus he doesn’t recognize romance from anyone but you has me so soft. i luv this man w my whole heart !!!!! ALSO THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE ON THE BAKUGO FIC I JUST ABOUT SHIT MY PANTS WOOWWOWO

you weren’t an idiot. you knew that your boyfriend was attractive in literally every aspect of the word. he was sweet, patient, and kind, and what he lacked in academic smarts was made up tenfold in his emotional maturity and ability to read people. big and beefy, bokuto was all yours and all you wanted to stay trapped within his arms forever. unfortunately, to maintain the figure you adored so much and stay in shape for the volleyball season, he had to leave the four walls of your shared bedroom far more than you liked, having a daily obligation to spend a few hours at the gym.

once again, you weren’t an idiot. the few times that your work schedule and his training schedule aligned, you’d been able to work out together. and despite your knowledge of just how good-looking bokuto was and the fact that other people could perceive him (much to your chagrin) you were shocked at just how much people shamelessly flirted with him. 

cute girls with matching leggings and sports bras practically clung to his biceps, gushing about how strong he was and how he could probably pick them up with just one hand. their incessant giggling, mesmerizing hair twirling, and teasing touches pissed you off to no end, and you’d tug your boyfriend away before their breasts got too close to him for your liking.

something else you noticed was that, no matter how blatantly obvious the girls seemed to be, the guys were somehow worse, flirting through terms you couldn’t even understand. they compared deadlift weights, bicep curls, hip thrusts; you gritted your teeth thinking about whether they’d ever compared cock sizes in the locker room—you wouldn’t put it past those thirsty gym rats. sneaky bastards.

and bokuto, of course, was oblivious to it all. how could you blame him—he was so used to being adored! you knew that, to him, all of their praises paled in comparison to yours, but you couldn’t help but feel jealous. he was all yours—should be all yours—and you hated sharing him with the world.

you woke up saturday morning with a ringing in your ears, hand smacking the nightstand trying to turn off that god-awful alarm noise, bleary eyes barely able to focus on the text notification from your boyfriend.

[5:33 AM] kou: gm babe!!!! i didnt wanna wake u up cus u looked so peaceful! im heading to the gym rn. text me when ur up! love uu

[5:34 AM] kou: should be home around 9!! gym bud wants to show me something so i might be a little late for breakfast.

just to reiterate, you weren’t an idiot. for all the annoying flirting you noticed when you were with bokuto, there was no doubt in your mind that there must be a lot more when he was at the gym alone, which, unluckily for you, was most of the time since he was a freakin’ pro athlete and all.

you couldn’t prevent the pool of envy from swirling in your gut. gym bud? are you serious? who could that be? the girl with the arm tat or the dude with the dreads? no, maybe its that yoga instructor with the ass—

you shook your head, clearing your brain. you’d be here for hours if you went through everyone at that stupid gym that had ever shown interest in bokuto. the clock read 9:53 AM and the green flame in your body only burned brighter. just as you were about to call him and ask where he was, the front door slammed open.

“babe! i’m home!”

you silently put your phone down, teeth still clenching in jealousy. for some reason, hearing his voice only exacerbated the tension in your shoulders. you needed him. now.

“babe?” his voice creeped closer as he tread through the hallway towards the room. “you up?”

you peeked your head out of the doorframe, cheery voice masking your devilish intentions, “kou!"

his eyes brightened as he made eye contact with you and flashed his trademark smile. “hey! what’s u-” he took in the mischievous glint in your eyes “-p?”

you grabbed his burly forearm, yanking him behind you and walking towards him, forcing him to stumble and fall back on the bed. “wait! i’m all gross and sweaty,” he said, “gym showers were broke-”

“i don’t care. take off your shirt.”

“wow, someone’s eager. missed me that much?”

“watch it,” you glared. “i’m not in the mood, kou.”

he gulped at the dominance radiating from your voice, scrambling to take off the t-shirt that stretched between his pecs perfectly. with the fabric off and throw haphazardly to the side, he looked to you expectantly, the epitome of innocence.

your eyes wandered over his sculpted chest, the remnants of a soft sheen of sweat from his workout making it shine in the sunlight pouring through the blinds. your heart stuttered in your chest—he looked like an angel. coupled with the way with his bottom lip was tucked under his front teeth and the wide, anticipating look in his eyes, fuck. you almost smiled how blessed you felt in that moment, to see him in such a raw, alluring position, before a jarring thought caused your lips to twitch back into a frown.

everyone else can see him, too.

your eyes hardened. maybe they can see him all big and strong, you thought, but they’ll never get to see him like this: submissive.

and so fucking sensitive.

within an instant, your lips were latched on the soft spot above his collarbone, causing him to whimper in pleasure. you continued to travel along his throat, slowly working your way to the other side of his neck and crossing back to nibble at his adam’s apple.

you unexpectedly pulled away, drawing a short whine from him, before repositioning yourself so that you were straddling his outstretched legs. slowly, starting from the hem of his shorts, you dragged your tongue between the ridges of his abs, moving up towards his pecs, tasting the saltiness of his sweat and feeling the muscles tense underneath.

“fuck,” he groaned. as your lips puckered around one of his peaked nipples, he uncontrollably jerked his hips up, inadvertently rubbing his sensitive cock between your legs. overwhelmed by the sensation, he moaned. “fuck.”

“you taste good,” you muttered, grazing your teeth over his other nipple. “just wanna taste you all the time. you’d let me, right?”

thoughts muddled by just how good everything felt, he nodded mindlessly. “i’d let you do- do anything. anything you wan’ to me. i’m yours. all- all,” his voice raised a few octaves as the inside of your thighs brushed past his cockhead, “yours. all yours.”

you paused. raising your head from his chest, you made eye contact with him, so intense he almost closed his eyes to shield himself from the blaze burning in your dilated pupils. “why’d you stop,” he begged, “i want more. feels so good and i wan’ mor-”

“say it again,” you demanded. “tell me that you’re mine.”

his eyes, glossed over and prickled with tears precariously close to falling, squeezed tightly as he spoke, unable to control the growing volume of his voice. “’m all yours. always. all yo- yours.” he gasped as you resumed your movements, pinching the sensitive skin around his v-line while fervently leaving sloppy kisses on his chest. 

“good boy.”

he keened at your praise. another light touch to his cock combined with the passage of your mouth had him trembling, and his breath hitched as he cried out in warning, tears now flowing freely over his flushed cheeks. “m’ gonna cum, ‘m gonna, gonna cum.”

“yeah?” you whispered, lips brushing against his strained abs. “go ahead then.”

“fuck!” he whined, blabbering as you sat back and watched in awe of the beauty before you, a big strong man like him reduced to nothing more than a moaning mess. “fuck, fuck—you always make me feel so, s-so go-od, fuck i love you.”

with soaked shorts and an exhausted sigh, he dropped his head back onto the plush comforter of the bed. you flattened your palms on his quivering body, reeling from the aftershocks of his orgasm. he panted, running his fingers through your hair before nudging your face to look at him, staring at you with an expression of pure bliss and adoration. he studied you for a bit before declaring with a soft smile, “you’re the best. so fuckin’ happy that i’m yours.”

driven by affection, he sat up and reached his arms around your waist, snuggling his chin over your shoulder and mashing your chests, yours clothed and his naked, together. “kou wait!” you shrieked. “you’re all sweaty again! it’s gross!”

he chuckled. as if you hadn’t been spoiling him by licking it up just a few minutes ago. “you’re right. i‘m probably sweating more now than i was after my workout.”

at that, your ears perked up. “well maybe you should do home workouts more often then,” you teased.

“you’re right,” he repeated with a grin, “maybe i should.” if it meant more mornings like these, he’d forego the gym in a heartbeat. 

that night, he canceled his gym membership. after all, he reasoned, it’s offseason anyway.

© property of hornime 2021. do not plagiarize any of my writing and do not repost/copy my writing onto any other sites.

[word-addict-lisette]

Dear Lisette,

I am back in you inbox, yay! How was your day? How's life? How's school?

I am really mad because we had this piece of work and it was like "pen down your idea on this statement, 'i can do whatever i want on the internet as long as i don't get caught' and i put down my thoughts which were 'this statement is true, i stand by it and you can do whatever you like as long as you don't get caught and don't own up' and then people were like throwing shade at me and i looked at it. I have 5 comments.

My teachers tried to delete it, my classmates literally lectured me and then she read it out loud and the whole class went looking for that one note i made. In the comments, people are spelling my name in caps. It was my opinion, and oh, look all of them are basically hypocrites. Let me just say, these people make me uncomfortable, they don't talk about exactly nice things or approriate things and they are all commenting ( without names too may i add) like "KAT, THAT'S NOT HOW THINGS WORK!" but with my real name and just arghhh.

Also if my teachers wanted me to say, "no, that isn't the right thing to do," or any other answer that the others provided them with, they shouldn't have asked for my opinion. They should have just forced us all to just type the same thing. The other people all wrote like, "no, its unethical and bad" or "False, no, its bad" and stuff like that, filmsy evidence and elaboration. I HAVE MORALS, i am just saying the truth. I feel like the victim of a hate crime. People don't like me enough already, i am a very intresting person, uh, yeah, we are gonna stop there.

Enjoy the rant i guess? I don't know? I am sorry for loading on you but there's a little extra rant so uh, yeah. im just gonna take this out, one sec.

Ok, so uh my teacher was like, next week, we are making pancakes. Fluffy pancakes. It was changed to pancakes without eggs? and now we have to make it ourselves, at home. Where do i get flour? What do i do with the extra flour? I don't know how to cook at all, my partner who has been extremely controlling and like kinda driving me insane, ( ahem i did the whole coursework) also she uses my friend's name for everything? Like, bestie i was literally helping out and you went all, "Oh you don't want (friend's name) to see you burnt right?". Obviously i don't but if i burnt down my house, she wouldn't be surprised. I BURNT MYSELF LAST YEAR, SHE SAW ME BURN MYSELF. Well, my friend burnt me and then the week after that, she burnt herself.

This happens a lot. Also, the very common questions and statements of, "Are you straight?" , "aren't you and (friend's name) dating?", "you guys would make such a cute couple" , " aren't you bi?" and "i thought the two of you were dating," there is nothing wrong with being bi but i am not attracted to her like that. So, they use her for leverage over me to get me to do what they want and also think im dating her? If we were dating, we would both be homeless. I like my house. This doesn't only happen with her. I once got shipped with my brother. I hugged him and some guy was like, "oh you guys like each other," that was awkward. Can i just add, a lot of people like majority of that community know we are siblings.

I also get shipped with his best friend, thanks to a rumor my brother made up. So, sometimes, i would get like comments like, "oh, you like him" or "(brother's name) told me that you and (brother's best friend) are dating," we are not dating. WE ARE JUST REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. I LIKE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. LEAVE ME ALONE. Also, everytime i have a picture of a guy on my phone or something my cousin just has to tell my brother. THEY ARE STREAMERS. ONE IS OF V FROM BTS SO I CAN TRAMATISE MY FRIEND.

Everytime i cry, someone comes in my room. It is so annoying. LEAVE ME ALONE, I WANT TO CRY. This is why i started reading sad books, listening to sad songs, watching sad movies so i have a reason to cry. There was this once, i wasnt selected to be part of my choir's competition and i was sad about it because i didn't feel good enough. THEY SAID I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. So, i cried but it wasn't enough so i read the saddest book i could find so i had a reason to cry but by that time, my feelings were gone. This is why i get breakdowns when im overwhelmed because of all this. You know how old i am. I have to deal with this and the pressure of always wanting to be perfect. What else can i do? I am not pretty or smart or talented or have friends, i have like 6 friends and nobody ever keeps me company. So, i focus on being perfect. 100%, i deal with not having any attention because my parents didn't pay me any attention just because i was "independent" or something?

Did i mention, i babysit all my siblings? I am the second child. I baby-sit my older brother. I am sleep-deprived because i can't sleep well at night and i constantly worry about everything and i have to take care of all my friends and it is so exhausting. Yet, i can not cry.

Thanks for staying with me through whatever that was. Uh, yeah, i took the quiz and got chaotic academia. That is my aesthetic. I really want one of those fancy skirts they wear like on pintrest and stuff? Like you know what i mean? The academia skirt? Yeah, i don't have one yet.

Question of the day, what is your dream profession or you could answer my other question which is what would you want to look like? Or you could answer both?

Ok, thank you again. i am gonna go study. Love and hugs and just literal joy sent your way!

- Kat, the ultimate dino mom of Leo, Billy Bob, Jessica, Sophie, Jackson, Sarah, Lily, the Micheals and all her other kids. (Jessica, Sophie and Jackson are mailboxes and Lily is a computer, Micheal is my screwdriver and laptop pencil, there are two micheals.)

Dear Kat,

It's really good to see you in my inbox. I'm sorry for replying late, but exams really had occupied my schedule today and I got my Saturday exam tomorrow. This week is going to be stressful and today's day has been pathetic. I had nothing to do except study and write exams. I feel like I haven't really been social recently and That I'm losing touch with people that I used to be close with and basically I'm letting overthinking take over my mind.

That is so sick. Why is someone's genuine opinion bothering them so much? I totally wouldn't be able to tolerate that. They ought to understand that there is a fine line between a fact and an opinion, and what you stated was just an OPINION. they have no right whatsoever to come at you like that. I totally agree... the teachers ought to have not asked for your opinion if all they desired was a particularly specific answer which opposed the statement. one of the reasons I hate the schooling system has to be THIS. people who are putting comments like that ought to realize that what you stated is exactly what they do in real life. They just want to be seen as the good kid here. At least you have the guts enough to speak the truth.

Miss! You don't have to worry about ranting out to me. You can rant to me for days and I'd still listen. Just go on ranting nobody is stopping you.

Ahhh! I've had that happen to me. I really understand how tough that can be. I really really hate being shipped with someone who I am just platonically friends with like you've got no valid proof to believe that we are romantically involved with each other. I've burnt myself plenty of times too. It's not a pleasant experience. Plus I also hate having controlling partners. Cause all they do is boss you around while they are barely doing a thing. It sucks.

Why? Just why? Why does it even matter to them? Who you date and what your sexuality is, is none of their business. I have no idea why people concern themselves with topics that really don't involve them. It's like people are just ready to make gossip out of anything. A person can't have a bestie without not liking them? I don't get what's so difficult to understand about that. I hate it when I'm casually talking to a guy and people start shipping us and start spreading rumors of us being in a romantic relationship. Another thing they do is, if a person likes me, they automatically assume that I like him back when I've barely even ever spoken to that guy. And yes! I like fictional characters! Don't even assume I like any of you fools cause You idiots bully me and ship me with total crackheads... And my standards are good enough for me to not include you guys in my list of *appropriate candidates* which consists of non-existent people.

Similarly, the moment I'm chatting with some guy, or like have a pic with someone on my mobile phone people just assume that fact that I'm crushing on him. Like no! I don't. We are friends... the others are celebrities, Why can't you understand that? I can't imagine how thick their skull must be considering they can't let a small statement like that sink in.

The crying thingy... I feel personally attacked. Nobody lets me do anything in peace, let alone crying. I literally use the washroom in my room and even my sister comes in there just banging on the door asking me to get the heck out of there and go somewhere else, like can't she use the other two washrooms or what? I like listening to sad stuff and reading angst cause somehow or the other it calms me down... it makes me feel at peace cause I know I'm not the only one who feels like crying. I've got a lot of friends, nobody remembers my birthday, I remember all of theirs'. They don't even text me, It's always me who takes the first step. All my friends just want me by their side cause I'm a smartass they want to show off as a trophy and cause I've got much better sarcasm than them. They just want to benefit from me. That's all. GOD, I'm not pretty at all. I look like a random idiot all the time. I look pathetic. And I lack talent... And you! I warned you, miss! You are pretty, beautiful, talented, smart, friendly, caring, kind and THE BEST!!!

I've never been given attention. Never ever. My sister has always stolen the spotlight. And I hate it. Not even my friends acknowledge me, my parents just ehhhhh. No matter how good I score, No matter how good I behave, No matter what. I'm just never good enough. My parents think of me as a rebellious kid. And I don't know what to do about that. All I've ever done is listen to them. My parents never allowed me to go out and play with my friends when I was a kid, they never let me go on overnight trips, and they barely let me spend time with the few friends I have. They never let me go to outings my school friends planned. Despite that, I never complained. I never had good friends because of that, yet I never complained. A lot of kids my age roam around in shopping malls by themselves, have sleepovers, spend money, roam around with tons of makeup on their faces, are in relationships, and even get into illegal shit. I've never done anything Like that. And yet... I'm never the good kid. I'm still the rebel.

I've got to take care of my sister almost every day. Get her to study, study myself, take care of myself while tolerating my grandmother. I really don't like my grandma, she s very fussy and just keeps yelling around the house the moment my dad and mom leave the house. I've got sensory overload because of her voice. And now I sit and have an anxiety attack almost every time she speaks. I've always got to strive for perfection as well. And I too can't sleep well at night just cause all the worries of the world, keep weighing me down.

Chaotic academia sounds good. It's the same aesthetic my sister got when I asked her to take the test! And oooh! Me too! I love those skirts and outfits they show on Pinterest. I'd love to have them someday.

My dream profession has to be that of a writer. Or perhaps even running a library. just something cozy. Ohh! I'd love to have brown hair, and I'd want to be tall just a little shorter than What I am right now. I just reached my father's height yesterday. And more or less, I'd like the rest to stay just as it is. and perhaps a lighter shade of skin tone. What about you though?

My question for you! If you were to be stranded on a beach island for a week. Who would you bring with you and how would you spend your time there. You can include whatever elements of nature you want to include like forests, lakes, and all.

Sending love, warmth, hugs, and whatever I have to spare that you would like to you!!!!

-Love from Lisette

P.S. That's an interesting family you've got, right there!

[mirrorballls]

* liana liberato, cis woman + she/her | you know rory hanna, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, their whole life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to cool by soccer mommy like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that loud pen clicking rapidly in the corner of kahlo’s, collegiate sweatshirt two sizes too big, and constantly waiting for that deep breath of relief: a longing hope that one day, it’ll all settle down thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is august 26th, so they’re a virgo, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

hey team.

admins made poor decision and let me take up two more muses. i want to plot but we all know i’m butt ass slow at getting to those messages so. i’ll probably make a day of that once i finish starters this all makes sense in my little twisted head.

basics.

full name:  aurora catherine hanna. answers exclusively to rory. birthday:  august 26, 1998. big three:  virgo sun. aquarius moon. capricorn rising. sexuality:  bisexual. occupation:  social media manager for the local paper. neighborhood:  lives in her childhood home on orion avenue.

bio.

rory was born the youngest of three and it shows. i’m not saying third child syndrome is real, but if it is, rory has it. her family was seemingly average in every way: the white picket fence, the house on orion avenue, parents happily married, and not many curveballs coming their way. but as the youngest, rory has always been more of a self-starter. from a young age, she was both fiercely independent and constatnly doing whatever it took to get her parents attention: it’s a paradox, but it’s who she was. she burned the candle at both ends, making sure she was taken care of, on the right track, but always looking for a pat on the back about it.

education had always been a priority in the hanna family: both of their parents were teachers and they were sure to instill a sense of how important an education was. and it left marks on them all in a different way. for her brother, it meant pursuing teaching (smiles at austin) and for her, it was turning her education into something competitive, something she was so passionate about getting the absolute most out of, she was willing to go to extreme lengths. she, like many others, will blame it on the aftermath of gifted-and-talented programs, and being made to feel like she had to achieve at this high level or fail, no middle of the road.

and so, school became almost her singular focus. she was naturally clever, smart enough to learn little ways to come up for air, but for the most part, it was always at the forefront of her mind. and for that, she became her mother’s prize jewel. she would beam and laugh and joke with her bookclub friends about how rory would one day be at duke with the best of them. and her third child syndrome just ate that up. she loved the attention and the praise that dedicating herself to school got her, and she’d do anything to keep that high for a while.

so high school kind of sucked. she had her sights set on duke and knew, that to actually be able to go, she’d have to get enough scholarship money to make that feasible. because the more she talked to her mom about school, the more she indulged her desire to see rory succeed, almost as if she was living vicariously through her, school kept getting bigger. because at first it was getting to the top of her class. then it was duke. then it was law school, preferably ivy league. they had it all mapped out, ready for rory to just succeed and make it happen.

but obviously it’s not as easy as just succeeding. for four years, she was stretched thin. she got involved with as many clubs as she could, she took as many ap classes as her bloated schedule would allow. she played it cool around her friends, whenever she was actually able to see her friends, but for the most part, she spent high school holed up in the library or her bedroom studying and working on whatever paper or project would click her along on her way to duke.

but it all paid off. in the end, she got into duke, and was able to check off that box. but she also got into university of north carolina, and they were a lot more generous with the scholarships. she got a full ride, and with ambitions beyond undergrad, it just made sense to go ahead and take it, save her money for the big league law school she would pick out later. plus, she still got the satisfaction of knowing she got in, she had done enough to impress them, so she convinced herself that was all the payoff she needed.

she majored in journalism and political science, always with intentions of it being a solid base for law school. but she always had a preference for her journalism classes. she got really involved in campus publications and, while it wasn’t all consuming like high school extracurriculars had been, it was something she loved. she loved writing, she loved piecing together each week’s issue, she loved exploring her world through that lens, getting to shine a spotlight on the good and the bad in her community. if she had it her way, she’d pursue that full time. but she didn’t think that was possible.

about a year ago, around the time she was working on law school applications, her parents got divorced. it sent shockwaves through her family, rory and her siblings were largely blindsided by the decision, and it brought her to reconsider a lot of things. seeing her mother in this new light, it felt like half of her decisions for the past ten years had been made to please someone she felt like she didn’t even really know.

so, partly out of hedonism and partly out of spite, she decided to defer law school, eventually deciding to all together not go. she was breaking the cycle and doing something for herself for once. she would take her degree and pursue journalism, she would keep living with her dad and largely cut out her mom, she’d become the person she wanted to be and not who she was expected to be.

but living an amazing life out of spite is harder than she expected. she’s working on finding her footing again, but she didn’t expect to be out in the real world so soon. she took the only job the local paper had available, and she’s hoping to work her way up to writing and editing more, but for now, she’s taking what she can get.

personality wise she’s very determined and stubborn when it matters but she’s also always been a little impish. when she took breaks from studying to go out, she wanted it to count, so she’s been known to raise a little hell. just wanted to make sure she didn’t read as fully joyless nerd even though she is like at least a third joyless nerd.

connections.

high school friends!! rory came back to irving on the weekends/in the summer, but she kind of fell out of touch with a lot of her closest friends from high school. i picture her to have been close with a bunch of other smart girls with ambitions, so maybe its just a matter of them all being in town again to get back in the swing of things

summer flings!!! she hasn’t done a lot of dating dating, but she was prone to messing around a little in the summer. maybe ur muse was apart of that! they could be on the same page as her or maybe they wanted something more and it just didn’t pan out.

former rivals!!! maybe if they were in high school at the same time, your muse and rory were rivals. they still be rivals, and your muse has the upper hand since rory gave up on law school, or maybe they’re more on the same page now.

im very bad at thinking of these. but i would love to make plots with you all :)

but im gonna keep this short and sweet because i have Another Intro to write.... ugh

[silvenys]

*gaSps* YOU LIARRRRR

I KNOW IM THINKING AHOUT CHANGING MY GOAL BECAUSE I DONT THINK IM GONNA REACH IT FUCKING SCHOOL GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY GOODREADS GOAL THATS INAPPROPRIATE AND RUDE OF THE SCHOOL SYSTEM TO DO TO ME

OH NO ITS OKAY ITS OKAY a new school would be absolutely horrendous I can see why and I’m sure friends are so confusing cause everyone already knows eachother and how lonely that would feel but at least you have all your cool and amazing online friends like me obviously and what about your other friends like the one that you came out to she seemed really nice, but is it cause she doesn’t go to your school? I guess you just have a lot of friends outside of school still? I’m not sure BUT YOURE GOOD RANT AS MUCH AS YOU NEED I DONT MIND IM ALSO DEPRESSED SO WE CAN BE DEPRESSED TOGETHER FOREVER TORTILLAS !!!!

I hate my school thanks for asking. I love my English class because we have been reading and annotating articles and writing summary’s about them and I enjoy that. Also I’m working on being a better writer so that’s good. I HATE US HISTORY AND I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA FAIL IT THEN NOT GRADUATE ON TIME IM SCARED ITS SO OVERWHELMING TOO and my other classes are horrible but that’s because it’s school and

ALSO A LITTLE RANT HERE schools really think they care about mental health and are like “put your mental health before school” NO BITCH IM GONNA FAIL MY CLASSES IF I DO THAT AND THEY REALLY DONT CARE BUT THEY SAY THEY DO

What do you need my brilliant advice about. My step by step advice by Tina ✨✨✨✨✨

i'm sly. 😎

IKR IR BUGS ME BECAUSE SCHOOLS ALWAYS BE LIKE 'oh read more' BUT DO THEY REALIZE IT TAKES TIME AND ENERGY THAT THEY DONT GIVE US

yeah heh new schools suck BUT YES THATS TRUE I HAVE YOU AND ALL MY AMAZINGLY COOL ONLINE FRIENDS oh idek i think it was just a one time thing because we don't talk anymore HAH NO I DONT i have three out of school friends one i'm not super close with and the other two are ignoring me YES THANK YOU DEPRESSED TORTILLA CLUB WHY THERAPY WHEN

TOGETHER FOREVER ITS RIA AND TINA *jazz hands* DEPRESSED!

oh that sucks :( OOH HEY AT LEAST ENGLISH IS GOOD AND YES WRITER TINA. IM SORRY HISTORY SUCKS IM SORRY THAT YOU FEEL OVERWHELMED AND I CANT SAY MUCH BUT IM HERE TAYLORS HERE AND YOUR GOING TO GRADUATE AND YOURE GOING TO PASS BECAUSE DO YOU WANT ACADEMIC VALIDATION OR NOT NINA but seriously don't burn yourself out are you using a good study schedule the ones that have ratiod break times with the amount of time you studied foe

IKR I KNOW THAT THEY SAY THAT THEY CARE AND MAYBE THEY DO BUT U SONT THINK THWY UNDERSTAND OR AEE WILLING TI HELP BECAUSE

so there's this girl who sits across from me on the bus and i'm planning on leaning over to her and ask if she has game pigeon and if she says yes i'm going to ask her to play since 'i forgot' my earbuds and if she says no i'll just say nvm and stare out my window I WANT TO DO IT BUT IS IT TI AWKWARD HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEONE DID THAT TO YOU LIKE A SHY NEW LONELY KID IDK IDK I DONT WANT TO MAKE HER FEEL OBLIGATED

[oh-katsuki]

currently running on a total of 5 hours of sleep in total in the past 50 hours because finals are completely draining me

anyways im so so so sorry for not being here in a while, ive been studying a lot cause my finals start this week and its the end of the school year and what not

a few hours ago kai was trying to comfort me while i was crying over math equations because i got so mad at a question that i literally couldn't hold in my tears

IM USUALLY SO GOOD AT MATH BUT I LITERALLY CANT FUNCTION AT ALL

yesterday i stayed up binge watching mha so i decided that i needed to study today

i think ive done enough for today so im gonna take tomorrow as another off day

wait hold on im gonna check my finals schedule

what the fuck my finals dont even start until friday

im gonna fucking scream oh my god i literally spent the whole day studying when i didnt have to

im also very sex deprived and kai wont even let me look at his dick because apparently i need to sleep first

am i gonna sleep? yeah 🙄

currently waiting for the melatonin i took to kick in

i cant wait until summer, school's been taking away my opportunities to do anything interesting

a bunch of tiktok kids are on my ass because i said that 14 year old boys shouldn't be saying weird sexual shit and calling random girls mommy

i saw a post that was like "stop playing before i put you in doggy style gripping your hair telling you to shut up and take it"

went on this mfs page and his bio said "14"

bro go do your algebra 1 homework 😕

im getting tired now but ill come back tomorrow

also i hope youre doing okay!

OH ALSO I FORGOT TO SAY IT BUT I SAW THE VIDEO OF YOU DOING THAT DISCORD DANCE AND YOURE SO CUTE WHAT THE HELL

anyways i gtg before i fall asleep and accidentally delete this whole thing

- roadtrip anon <3

awwwwww, im sorry bub, final exams really suck ;( i’m sure you’re gonna do amazing though, esp since you’re working that hard. 

I love how you checked mid message when ur finals were that was kinda cute LMFAO 

also don’t worry bubs! I was actually just wondering today about where you’d gone n what you were up to. 

hopefully you get a good night’s rest so kai (glorious and respectful kai) will give you one single iota of cock. good luck, bae, sleep well <3 

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[frywen-babbles]

Sounds of Silence pt1

A/N: Modern AU with Mitsunari! This is loosely tied to Everything comes with a price, set over a year after it. Unlike before, there won’t be a set release schedule bc this fic isn’t completely finished yet. (I just need some validation and motivation oTL). A big thank you to @dear-mrs-otome for telling me this idea doesn’t completely suck <3

Also spoilers for Mitsunari’s route!

When he opened the door all he could do was stare.

Behind it stood a young woman. And not just any young woman but the one he had seen at the library countless times reading books to kids in sign language. The woman he secretly always hoped he’d see when he went to the library, whose smile he couldn’t stop thinking about.

***

At first, Mitsunari was annoyed by the voices coming somewhere out of sight. Libraries were supposed to be where you could study in peace, he had no idea what could cause such a ruckus.

The sound of laughter guided him to the children’s section of the library, but what he saw wasn’t what he expected.

A young woman was standing in front of a group of kids, a book open in front of her, animatedly reading the book in sign language. The kids were excited, laughing and giggling at the what he assumed were the exciting parts of the story.

Mitsunari felt enamoured, his annoyance long forgotten. He didn’t even realise he had stared until the story was over and all the kids were circling her, trying to talk to her all at once. Her smile brightened her face and she looked so natural and happy amongst the kids Mitsunari felt almost jealous.

Just then, she caught him staring. He felt his face heat up and he turned around sharply, stomping back to the table he had reserved for himself. He planted his face firmly on the book open in front of him.

Gods, that was embarrassing. Who goes around staring random women, when they were supposed to study. Ughh…

*****

He saw her walk towards the children's section from the corner of his eye and somehow his head turned to look after her. She stopped to wait for a boy in his teens to bounce all excited to her a book in his hands. They shared a greeting but Mitsunari couldn't follow the signs they spoke with. It didn't stop him from staring after them when they continued on their way towards the room where he had seen her read to the kids.  

"Hey, are you even listening to me?"

Mitsunari turned to look at Sakon who looked at him a wide smile on his face.

"Or are you too busy staring after women to tutor me?"

"If you have time to lazy around and comment on everything I do, you must be ready for a quiz about all the important battles post-Honno-ji?"

"Ack! No! Don't you have any mercy, we just went through them 30 minutes ago?"

"Then what are you doing fooling around, you incorrigible dimwit. Get back to studying."

"I'm sure no one would have made me work this hard in the Sengoku period..." Sakon mumbled with a sigh.

"What was that?"

"I'm studying!"

When he was finally free of Sakon, he made his way to the children's section. But it was quiet, the children long gone. He was just about to turn around when he noticed a schedule on the wall. She would be back in an hour.

He could wait for that long.

Wait, maybe he shouldn't? Would that be weird? But he really did want to see her read again.  

He didn't see her until he got up to get some coffee from a vending machine. She was sitting on the sofas next to it with the same boy as before, lost in an animated discussion he could only guess the topic off.

A part of him wanted to loiter so he could watch them talk, but the reasonable part of his brain forced him to return to his table.

As soon as he saw her followed by the silver-haired boy he stuffed his things to his bag and stood up to follow her. A group of excited kids were already waiting for her but he stayed behind until everyone had sat down. Then he stepped behind the parents by the door, his eyes following the movements of her hands taking in every sign.

Unlike before, this time when she was finished she kept glancing at the clock and hurried away as soon as possible, almost colliding with him. The silver-haired boy tried to stop her but after some hurried signs let her go. The look on the boys face looked a bit like a lost puppy and for some reason seeing her hurry away like that made Mitsunari feel a bit same.

He was brushing his teeth in the evening when he felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket.

[23:12:45] <<bookshy>> do u evr feel like ur stuck in ur life? [23:12:52] <<bookshy>> like u shld hve accomplishd so much mor in ur life tn u hve?

He stared at the screen for a while before he typed a reply. He didn't know who bookshy was, not really. They had been talking with each other for years, but always with nicknames, always through messages in the internet. It felt more comfortable that way somehow. Knowing there was always a person willing to listen to you without judging.

[23:13:05] <<ManjuDreamer>> Are you feeling like that right now? [23:13:07] <<bookshy>> ya [23:13:11] <<bookshy>> i dunno wht ill do w/ my life [23:13:19] <<bookshy>> i thght id do so mch more u know? [23:13:22] <<bookshy>> and now i jst feel liek im stuck nd see no way out [23:13:23] <<bookshy>> is ths my life now? [23:14:50] <<bookshy>> evry1 says i shld b happy w/ wht i hve [23:14:59] <<bookshy>> i hve so much im feeling ungrateful whn i feel like ths [24:15:46] <<ManjuDreamer>> You still have plenty of time to accomplish your dreams. It's not for others to decide when you can be happy. [23:16:02] <<bookshy>> guess ur rite

He heard a knock on the bathroom door and quickly finished brushing his teeth. When he opened the door Hideyoshi was standing behind it already in his pyjamas.

"I thought you'd never come out," he commented with a yawn and pushed past him to the bathroom.

"Good night," Mitsunari wished to the closed door before he retreated back to his room.

[23:18:30] <<bookshy>> how was ur day [23:18:49] <<bookshy>> i saw the prettiest person today like hot damn [23:19:13] <<ManjuDreamer>> I saw an interesting person today too, I wish I get to see them again. Other than that, it was mostly my student being an idiot, so nothing new. [23:19:53] <<ManjuDreamer>> I tried to do some research on a paper I'm writing, but it didn't progress much. I was just about to go to bed so I have energy to study more tomorrow. [23:19:56] <<bookshy>> srry to keep u up [23:19:57] <<bookshy>> night! [23:20:10] <<ManjuDreamer>> Night.

***

Mitsunari tossed the wig from his head frustrated, running his hand over his face. He glanced at the mirror of the bathroom, at the perfectly drawn eyeliner, the perfect shade of blush, the perfectly applied foundation. The perfect set of lies, painted on his face.

[13:33:14] <<ManjuDreamer>> I went to see my mother.

He hesitated a bit before he sent the message. It didn't take long for his phone to bling with a reply.

[13:34:29] <<bookshy>> how did it go? [13:34:48] <<ManjuDreamer>> As well as you would expect. [13:34:51] <<bookshy>> u wanna t alk about it?

His fingers ghosted over the screen of his phone before he put it down and looked at the mirror again. He reached for the makeup removal wipes from his bag and scrubbed furiously at his skin until the last remains of the makeup were gone.

[13:36:18] <<ManjuDreamer>> She's there but I feel like I'm losing her. [13:37:01] <<ManjuDreamer>> Every time I visit she seems further and further away. [13:37:15]<<ManjuDreamer>> Sometimes I wonder if the mother I used to know is there at all.

He started to type his next message, but stopped, gripping his phone tight in his hand.

[13:38:34] <<ManjuDreamer>> She's my mother, but it's so hard. [13:38:42] <<ManjuDreamer>> I don't know what to do.

He glanced at the mirror to make sure his eyes weren't red before he pulled his shirt over his head and replaced it with one from his bag.

[13:38:47] <<bookshy>> ur doing plenty already [13:38:49] <<bookshy>> u dont have to push urself so hard [13:38:50] <<bookshy>> im sure shed understand [13:38:59] <<ManjuDreamer>> But I'm all she has. [13:39:02] <<bookshy>> i know [13:39:06] <<bookshy>> but u hhave 2 thnk abt urself frst [13:39:15] <<bookshy>> if u feel its too much u can keep a brek. ur not prfect. u dnt have 2 b [13:39:50] <<bookshy>> im alws hr 2 tlk if u need me [13:40:20] <<ManjuDreamer>> Thank you. It means a lot.

He put his phone on the side of the sink and wiggled out of his skirt. He really should buy a new one next time he got paid for tutoring. The zipper didn't work properly anymore and the hem was starting to fray. He kicked the flats from his feet and looked at the kneehigh socks on his feet. They wouldn't be visible under his pants anyway so he let them be and took his pants and shoes from his bag before showing the skirt and shirt in their place. He considered showing the wig in after them but realised making the wig presentable after that would be too much of a hassle. So he gently combed the wig with his fingers to sort out biggest tangles and folded it neatly in a mesh bag. Flats into a plastic bag, then into the bag.

Like countless times before.

He got dressed and made one final glance at the mirror before he put the bag on his shoulder and stepped out of the bathroom.

"Oh, Mitsunari! Here to see your mother?" a nurse greeted him when he tried to slip past the nurses' office without being noticed. What a nosy bunch of quidnuncs insistent of mothering him.

“Yes. I was just leaving.” He replied with a stiff bow.

“Come and have some tea with us! How did the test go you told me last time?” Another nurse poked her head from the office. Mitsunari resisted the urge to roll his eyes and offered another bow.

“I believe it went well. I still haven’t received the results.”

Half an hour later he was still stuck at the nurses' office surrounded by what felt like a flock of mother hens, all determined to squeeze every bit of information out of him they could. He was just getting up from his chair when a voice behind him froze him on the spot.

"Did my darling Saki leave already? She was just here... Such a dutiful daughter, coming to see her mother so often..."

His knuckles turned white as he squeezed the edge of the table, his head down. He wanted to turn around. He wanted to see his mother as himself. He wanted... needed to see if she'd recognise him this time.

"We saw her leave a while ago, Mrs Ishida. She's such a nice girl."

He heard a nurse walk his mother away and the sighs of relief from the remaining nurses.

"Are you alright, Mitsunari? You know we'll listen to you if you need to talk. Or we can help you find someone-"

"I need to go now. Goodbye," Mitsunari interrupted the nurse who had put her hand on his shoulder to calm him. He got up in such haste his chair fell to the floor with a rattle, but he just offered a quick bow before he fled the office.

He didn't stop until he arrived at the bus stop. There he sank on the bench, burying his face on his hands.

He took the bus to the library, staring idly out of the window.

[14:36:09] <<bookshy>> did u make it home [14:36:35] <<ManjuDreamer>> No. I'm heading to the library. The nurses got me again. [14:36:37] <<bookshy>> lol how did u mnage 2 escpe [18:36:56] <<ManjuDreamer>> Mother came to the office. [14:37:09] <<bookshy>> oh no [14:37:10] <<bookshy>> im so sorry [14:37:21] <<bookshy>> how r u feeling rn? [14:38:29] <<ManjuDreamer>> I don't know. I'll try to find some reading to distract myself with.

At the library, he searched for materials for his upcoming paper but when he sat down and tried to read, the words didn't make any sense.

When he had read the same page several times over and still remembered absolutely nothing he was interrupted from his reading by a book shoved on top of the one he was just reading.

"Can't you see I'm-!" the sharp words died on his lips when he saw the same woman who had read to the kids in front of him. She tapped on the note on top of the book and he looked down to read it.

'This is the book I was reading. You seemed interested'

She handed him a second book, a note on top of it too.

'I'll read this next'

When she shifted her weight from one foot to another clearly uncomfortable, he realised he was staring. He offered her a curt nod as a thank you and she bowed at him a small relieved smile on her lips. She seemed to hesitate before she signed something but he had to shake his head.

There was a slight shift on her smile, on her posture, and she took a step back.

'I'm sorry' she mouthed and offered him a bow before she all but fled, leaving him to sit alone, feeling like an idiot.

[16:19:20] <<ManjuDreamer>> I think I just made a complete fool out of myself. [16:29:59] <<bookshy>> lol rly? [16:30:00] <<bookshy>> wht did u do? [16:30:02] <<bookshy>> i thght fool wasnt in ur dicktionary [16:31:18] <<ManjuDreamer>> And for that terrible joke, I tell you nothing. [16:31:47] <<bookshy>> noooo hw wll i evr know how embarassng u can be if u don tell me? [16:32:32] <<ManjuDreamer>> You'll survive.

***

"She's not here today."

Mitsunari was startled from his thoughts by a familiar voice behind him. He turned around, vaguely aware of the frown his irritation had brought on his face.

"Who?" he asked as if he didn't know exactly who was the 'she' in question.

"I got this for you, I'm sure it holds some useful information." Mr Otani handed him a flyer for the children's activities in the local libraries. Mitsunari stared at the flyer blankly before he looked at Mr Otani, letting his irritation show.

"And what am I supposed to do with this?"

Mr Otani just smiled and pushed a book towards him as well.

"I'm sure you'll find this useful as well. Come find me if you need anything else."

Before he had time to protest Mr Otani left him with a wave, a wide smile on his face. He considered running or yelling after him, but changed his mind when he looked at the book in his hand.

'Sign language for beginners'

He tucked the children's program leaflet securely at the back of his calendar and checked the book out.

Something about the sign language intrigued him. She looked so graceful when signing. And so comfortable and she seemed genuinely love reading to the children.

At first, he thought he’d look up a few signs. Just in case some of the children needed help in the library. Just so he could talk to her. No, he meant the kids. So he could talk to the kids. But few turned into a few hundred. A few thousand. He was so lost.

***

[loveisbraveandwild]

same anon - where is abroad for you? I totally get it. I've been forced to go abroad before for a long period of time and it's always just a churning in my stomach feeling. it'd be different if it were with friends or something, but I hate going with my parents. it's a lot of stress

im going to germany!!! im not being forced hahaha i was actually extremely excited!!! ive wanted to study abroad since i discovered it was a thing and ive never been to germany and like i love traveling and ive never ever shyed away from change. idk its like so dumb but im really stressed about lover release my first week living w a new host family and having to like wake up and idk im just like ahhh but its also extremely important to me that im awake and listening to it but i have orientation all day thursday and friday so the timing just sucks. i also just like desperately wanna stay in the same time zone as all my friends and i miss nashville and its dumb but yeah those r my feelings i just worry cause its so hard to talk to friends now cause we’re all on different schedules but different time zones is something ive never had to deal w so we shall see

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

okay, y’all, i’ve gotta back on my tl;dr bullshit soapbox about something:

so, the other day, i was just mindlessly scrolling through my corporate & capitalist hellscape facebook™️ (i.e. LinkedIn) and came across this totally trite mostly bullshit meme that was shared by some corporate executive search man (whose name i decided to crop out bc eh):

so i obviously agree with the last three points on this list, bc god yes my life would’ve been a bit better if I didn’t get all my dialogue about mental health only from teen mags and horrible portrayals in teen tv shows (and also this hellsite). and hell yeah everyone, and I mean EVERYONE needs to learn that failure is okay many situations (like failing a class in uni or school) bc everyone fails at something sometimes. and dealing with failure is HARD. and time management is something that I’m pretty sure everyone lies to fuckin hell about on their resume, bc lots of people really suck at it, myself included. so yeah. that needs to be taught. and i also agree with the “how to manage your health” point. bc thats becoming ever more prevalent and important with career burn out etc.

but entrepreneurship? people management? conflict resolution? creativity? how to manage money? public speaking? like y’all. three of those ARE taught/learned in school, who the fuck wrote this meme? 

for anyone who actually paid attention in maths class, (which is probably very few people outside of the top performing classes), there WAS A WHOLE FUCKING UNIT that focuses on financial maths (in australia anyway). I ignored this unit as well as maths in general at school, bc I generally hated maths and was convinced that I was somehow never going to get a job. but i remember the gist of the overall topic and its subtopics. one subtopic teaches you how to calculate your wages in various contexts (overtime, double-time and a half, holiday payments, im pretty sure maternity leave pay was jammed in somewhere? idk if other countries would have double time & a 1/2 like australia though). another subtopic teaches you how to calculate interest on bank loans and credit rates on credit cards. a third subtopic teaches you how to calculate savings (obvs in terms of discounts in shops)....im sure there was a bit about budgeting in there somewhere? im pretty sure there were some questions were about tax payments somewhere as a subtopic enrichment exercise? but you get my gist. are these not money management skills? in some sense? like if i could find one of my old maths textbooks or old maths books i’d give an example of a question, to make my point stronger. but the problem, like i said before, is that a load of people (myself included) just zone out in maths in high school and stop trying with it. they forget what they’ve learnt, and just remember how much they hated algebra and how they’ll never use it again. maths was one hell of a fucking strong bitch, guys. but maybe i’m wrong.

creativity? excuse me? have people forgotten about art classes? drama classes? english classes? music classes? need i go on? okay don’t get me wrong, most of these classes did focus a lot on memorising quotes or facts about people (artists/writers/poets/composers/dramatists etc) or specific  periods/movements in art or theatre or literature for example.... but the amazing sculptures/paintings etc people created in art for their final projects in year 12, or even in year 10 were works of their imagination. the scripts people write in drama or maybe english (if you had a fun teacher who did a screenwriting unit, for example) are creative asf. especially in year 12 when they do their major projects, where they may produce a monologue or a short movie, and then there’s a group piece. drama students might even make their own costumes for these performances. LIKE AIN’T THAT A LOT OF CREATIVITY RIGHT THERE Y’ALL????? and english. lowly old english. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING TOPIC ON CREATIVE WRITING FOR FUCKS SAKE. the original music people might create for their final projects too in year 12? does that not count as creativity? like yes, i know a lot of these things do still have to meet bs assessment criteria (especially in catholic schools, where the main things are you don’t offend the catholic education office and jesus/god lmao) to be considered worthy of a mark for your year 12 exams. but FUCK. HOW THE FUCK AREN’T ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS COUNTED TOWARDS BEING CREATIVE???????? like fuck your corporate creative ideation or w/e bullshit, Callum. drama and english even lend themselves to improvisation in some instances, like public speaking, which is examined further, below.

next, we move on to public speaking. this shit is basically taught from the first goddamn day of “show & tell” in kindy/kindergarten, and this fucker has the gall to say that it’s not fucking taught in schools? someone call in miley cyrus/hannah montana to throw the fuck down in this motherfucking hoedown BC THIS STUPID-ASS MEME-FUCKER HAS NERVE. i hated public speaking. absolutely hated it. even though it was ironically one of the places i ended up excelling in in english classes. even when i fucked up in my english speeches with like “oh, fuck.... said nelson mandela,  i’ve seem to’ve lost my palm card. wait, shit! there it is... excuse me while i pull it out of my ass. whoops, sorry miss” *bats eyes and finger guns at my year 9 english teacher who has her head in her hands and is done with my shit, while the class laughs at my gaffe* i’d still end up with like 73% or like 26/30. it was baffling. but for people who weren’t the class clown/smart alec like i was from years 7-10 (and like i actually wasn’t once i moved schools).... public speaking is like the leading cause of anxiety, right? like by the time i got to doing speeches/presentations at uni i was having panic attacks... the thought of presenting to my classes made me fucking sick with fear and anxiety. nearly every subject i did at uni (even when i tried to avoid subs with public speaking assessments) and throughout school had some type of presentation/speech whatever you want to call it project/activity in it. even fucking SPORT/PDHPE at school and even philosophy at uni. and these fuckers are saying its not taught in schools. FUCK  OFF. like yeah, i get that they actually mean it in the professional sense.... where people can give the sappy bs motivational speeches or an insightful ted-talk worthy 20-minute presentation... or a great sales pitch. but like??? save that for mike “my dad phoned in to EY and i have a job waiting for me after uni” mcfuck in a business major or law degree? or for clubs like toastmasters? fuck. ok enough of the skills we learn in school. let’s move onto the businesslike-sounding ones of “people management”, “conflict management” and fucking “entrepreneurship”. like. what the fuck? okay in some sense people management and conflict management could potentially be used in managing friendships and relationships in your personal life. but like. i can feel the business underpinnings and i dont like it lmao. like why do you want fully functioning adults straight out of school, franklin? and there’s extra credit conflict management subjects at uni??? or at least my home uni had it... and i never did them bc they were intensive courses during summer break lol. but the one that pissed me off the most was entrepreneurship. LIKE ARE KIDS NOT FUCKING ALLOWED TO BE KIDS NOW????? well  apparently: “NO! YOU MUST ALWAYS THINK OF MONEY MAKING WAYS TO BE RICH! YOU MUST BE ENTREPRENEURIAL!!!!!! YOU MUST GENERATE BUSINESS IDEAS FROM THE TIME YOU CAN FUCKIN’ WALK!!!!! AND SPEAK!!! CHILDHOOD AND BEING A TEENAGER DON’T EXIST WORKER BEE!!!! CAPITALISM FOR ALL!!!! WORKER BEES!!! CAPITALISM IS YOUR FRIEND!!! OWN A BUSINESS BY THE TIME YOU’RE 8 YEARS OLD!” like it’s insidious asf. and it doesn’t acknowledge that most entrepreneurs are already privileged people anyway, who usually have some type of money to start off their venture (or that’s what it feels like anyway). and yeah throw all the “THIS BOY IS AN ENTREPRENEUR AT 18!!! 18!!!???? BY STARTING HIS OWN BUSINESS AT 12!!!! WHAT A CHAMP! 😁🙃” clickbait news stories at me, but i don’t fucking care. the concept and perceived over-importance and almost preaching mindset of entrepreneurship is slowly becoming insidious and toxic asf. call me paranoid. but that’s what it feels like.

but with those last three topics, i want to make a point that school curriculum’s (in australia at least, and probably worldwide) are so jam-packed already with sport (which is pointless and shitty), geography (ok how to read maps is important, but i never bothered to learned to do it properly), history, science, english etc etc etc..... that like.... where the actual fuck are the gonna jam the above bs (people management”, “conflict management” and entrepreneurship) into the curriculum???? and also teachers are already over-worked enough as it is, they don’t need another load of shitty subjects pushed onto them. and they sure asf don’t earn enough (especially in the states) to have this bs pushed into their subject schedules either. keep them at uni, where they should be. or just in the workplace/in the general public where they belong. and if people suggest that you could probably push these subjects into the year 11/12 business studies programs or elective commerce courses in years 9/10, save your goddamn breath. like i remember looking at business studies hsc papers in years 11/12 to see what they did.... and it was pretty chock-a-block anyway. and my experience of my year 9 commerce was horrible, to say the least. let kids be kids, for fucks sake. they shouldn’t have to be fully functioning adults in the workplace, by the end of high school, for fucks sake. AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS NOT AN ESSENTIAL SKILL????!!!! FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT, WILHELM. anyway. that’s my rant over about how i hate how corporate people are trying to be #relatablewiththeyouth🙃 with their shitty versions of “10 things i wish we learned in school” memes.... and failing.... without realising that this is why millennials are suspicious and cynical about meme usage by corporate people/corporations.

[purplesurveys]

394

Do you use public transport regularly? I would if it were safer, more efficient, and less crowded. But it’s none of these things, so I resort to driving my own car. Who do you usually say hello or good morning first? My girlfriend. Do you usually have time for breakfast in the morning? What do you have? Not this sem, because my classes start at 8:30/9 so I usually go straight to the bathroom for a quick shower and off to the car. I never have time to pick up breakfast, unless my dad is home and packs me food. He usually makes me eggs and hotdogs. Have you ever had to work while there was a film crew at your work place? I’ve never had a job but yeah, they recently shot a movie in my school. Caused a lot of traffic that day but tbh I can’t be mad, the movie’s supposed to be really good (although I haven’t seen it so shame on me). Have you ever gotten an ailment just before you were going on holiday? Ugh I never get sick, my immune system doesn’t have a lot of stories to tell.

What’s your favourite colour of carnation? Light pink. When’s the last time you got to leave work earlier than scheduled? Not work, buuuut my communication research prof always dismisses us early for some reason. Last week he let us go 45 minutes before our scheduled dismissal. Do you play any “getting to know you” type of games with a friend on FB? No, that sounds very 2009. Are the roads basically rock solid frozen slush where you live right now? No snow where I’m from. Do you/have you worked a job where you could bring leftover food home from? Is there a winter break/half term coming along in your part of the world? No, we don’t get seasonal breaks like that except for summer and that doesn’t come around until May. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? My dog used to, but he’s gotten old and doesn’t really have the energy to go down the steps anymore haha. Still, he’s the first thing I see up the stairs when I get home. Have you had any assignments to finish lately? Yep, I did one before I drove home tonight. How about any long-running group assignments? I finished one last night but my groupmates were shit and I didn’t feel good about that homework at all. Do you have group chats with your friends that make you laugh? Yes, we have one for our friend group. Do you sing or whistle while you work? Sometimes, but it doesn’t last long because 1) I sing terribly, and 2) whistling is loud. Would you ever like a professional kitchen’s dishwasher at home? I’m fine with manually washing dishes tbh. Any exciting or fun plans for the weekend? Not this weekend. I do have to go to a volleyball game that’s required for my PR class, though. Not that I find it exciting. How about for this evening? I just got back home from a laidback date with Gab, so. We had cheap dinner and a study date at a coffee shop. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Hahaha, I don’t play video games. This is Gab’s question to answer. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? I don’t think so, no. What do you like in your omelet? We don’t usually make omelets at home, so when we’re staying at a place that makes omelets (usually a breakfast buffet at a hotel), I ask them to put everything that they have available–cheese, mushrooms, tomatoes, bell peppers, whatever else they offer. Do you do anything physically taxing that makes your limbs or back sore? Yeah, I have a shoulder bag that worsens my scoliosis when I have to wear it, cos it only puts a lot of pressure and weight on one side of my body. Does a cat ever randomly jump on your desk and blocks your screen? Does said cat like to climb on your shoulder and kneads your arm? Was today surprisingly sunny where you live, too? It was just sunny, it’s never a surprise. Did you encounter many happy people today? Did it make you happy? Surprisingly no. My org’s hangout space is empty on Tuesdays. I guess people’s schedules are packed on that day. The only people I saw were Laurice, Jane, Jo, Jum, and Kate, and they all were okay, but I wouldn’t call them happy. Has anyone put their freezing cold hands on your body today? Uhhhh nope haha. Has anyone tickled you mercilessly today? No, I would’ve kicked them in the face. Has anyone hugged or kissed you today? Yes, Gabie gave me both :) Aaahahhhhhhh I love her so so so much. When do you normally come on Bzoink? Mmm once a week, cos that’s the only amount of time I get to take surveys these days. Have you had to change clothes more than twice today? Nope, just one constant outfit for today. What’s something that makes you feel confident? Gab giving me boosts. I trust anything she says, so if she says I can do this or I can finish that, I usually will. Do you have any presentations you have to give in the near future? Nah, I don’t think so. Have you ever had a shrove bun? (Look it up, they’re really good!) NO BUT THEY LOOK REALLY GOOD I WANT ONE NOW??????? Do you have time for regular coffee/tea breaks throughout the day? I can’t take coffee anymore dude haaah. I recently ~resigned from coffee, cos I realized that whenever I drink coffee now, I feel more sick than energized to finish work, and I always end up having chest pains now unlike before. I denied it for a long time and kept drinking coffee (and getting sick after) until I finally sucked it up last week. Haven’t had any since. Do your lips or hands go really dry in cold weather? Not really. Do you have any wine or rum in your fridge? Yes. Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder when you got that old? Hahahaha yeah I look in the mirror but I don’t necessarily ask myself that. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. I get spurts of enthusiasm here and there, but they always die down quickly. Just three weeks ago I went back to studying Korean but I stopped after two days lol. Are you good at word games and anagrams? Yesssssss I love those. UBWHAECNI ^Give me the longest word you can make out of those letters Beach, china, whine, bench, bunch, cabin. Do you encounter eccentric looking people on a daily basis? In UP? Of course. I love it. Has a song been playing in your head today? What was it? imagine by Ariana Grande. Is there anything at the movie theaters right now that you’d like to see? Alone/Together, but I heard that the trailer is way better than the film itself. I’d see the movie but only if it were someone’s treat haha. Do you have free tickets for anything that need to be used soon? Nah. Do you have candy in your cupboards? We don’t keep candy in the cupboards, but yeah we have some lying around the house. Are you itching to do something else now? Eat, because I suddenly got hungry. Can you hear snoring from somewhere right now? Nope. Has the sun gone down by now? Yes, hours ago. It’s 11:36 in the evening.

[limitededitionsanderssidesblog]

Speech Impediment - Chapter 6

Ships: Logicality, pining prinxiety, platonic dlamp

Summary: From one birthday to another, it’s now December and Virgil’s birthday is coming up. Roman, desperate to finally win Virgil’s hand, asks Dexter to help him plan the perfect gift. On top of helping his friends, finals are coming up and Dexter is getting lost in his studies. Stress builds up, and a phone call awaits him.

AO3 - Here

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5  Chapter 7

Creative writing, English Literature, Calculus, Biology, Anatomy; finals were in three days, seventy-two hours. Five classes, five tests, two hours each, ten total hours of testing. He has approximately thirty hours to study given all accountable variables. 

Over the past few days Dexter had practically lived in the library. Between tutoring lessons with Logan, where he and the rest of the gang would study together, and independent study, Dexter only ever left to go to class, eat, and sleep. His bodily fluids were practically composed entirely of caffeine at this point. This was his very first final as a college freshman, he needed to prove that it wasn’t a mistake to come here.

Dexter shook his head, ridding his mind of those thoughts, and brought his attention back to the paperwork before him. He was currently working on his anatomy study guide. Looking at the time on his cellphone he saw that it was past eight, the library would be closing in half an hour.

With a heavy sigh, Dexter closed his textbook, placed his work back in his bag, and got up to leave. There were only three other students still there besides himself, all looking wiped out from their studies as well.

The sun had surrendered to the moon long ago, leaving the world around him cold and dark, snow falling sleepily down to the earth from the heavens in a chilled kiss. Yep, that was overly descriptive, he must be a writer. The breeze nipped at his heels as he walked back to his dorm. A student was here or there, but most all were gone from the campus.

A fifteen minute walk brought him back to the tall, brick building. Once inside, Dexter shook off the snow that had accumulated on him. Dexter nodded to the dorm manager as he went by, heading up the flights to his room. He planned to simply shower, snack, then go to sleep, but once he saw Roman on his doorstep he knew that wouldn’t be the case.

Hearing footsteps, Roman looked up hopefully, then stood when he saw who it was. 

“Dex! ‘Bout time you got here. What the heck were you doing making me wait so long?”

“Huh? What don’t you mean?”

“I sent you a text dude!”

“Yes you did, I-” Sure enough the text was there, or rather several texts were.

Roman: Hey Dex meet me at you’re room in an hour Roman: im here Roman: Hellooooo? Roman: dude what the duck? where you at? Roman: **fuck autocorrect

“Resent me, I didn’t have my phone on silent.” Dexter apologized, scooting to the door to unlock it. “Why did you call Patton?”

“He’s staying at Lo’s tonight.” Roman replied simply, following Dexter in and making himself at home, just as they always did. Dexter had long since given up on trying to stop the others from taking his food from the mini fridge. Still, it stung to watch Roman take his favorite lemon yogurt.

“Oh.” Dexter said quietly, trying not to think to hard about what that meant. “So what don’t you want?”

Thus a flip was switched. Roman lost his confident composure, no longer sitting tall, instead he curled in on himself and awkward ate yogurt in a lame attempt to hide his blush. If Dexter had to take an educated guess, it probably had something to do with Virgil.

“Well uh- Virgil’s birthday is uh- in a few days and I’d like to um, I’d like t-to ask him o-out. Could you help me?”

Seeing Roman stutter and blush like a high school boy was the cutest thing ever. Only seeing Virge do the same would be better, and Dexter planned for that to happen.

“Well of course not.” Dexter told him, “But why me? Wouldn’t it be better to ask someone without experience? Logan and Patton wouldn’t be better.”

“Are you kidding? Logan may have been the one to ask Patton out, but he sucks at romance, and Patton... well he isn’t exactly helpful when it comes to wooing someone. Besides, I saw how amazing you are at gift giving from the heart, and you’re the second most creative here outside Virgil and I.”

“If you mean creative by not writing gory horror and suspense then sure.” Deceit mumbled under his breath as he looked through his messy desk for a blank sheet of paper and a pencil. Finding one he began to write a list of every idea he could think of and a list of what they’d need for each one. Once complete he handed it over to Roman for him to chose what to do.

He read through it carefully, mulling over the pros and cons of each suggestion. It was a good few minutes before he looked up with his final decision.

“Number four.” He said with a grin.

Four. The scavenger hunt. Roman and Dexter would have to work together to take Virgil on a hunt, having clues leading him to the undecided final destination.

“So where aren’t you going to have him meet you?”

Roman smiled warmly, as if he was reliving the sweetest memory he ever made. Perhaps it was.

“Where we first met.”

Dexter bolted from his classes to the parking lot where he’d be meeting Roman to help him shop for materials. Careful not to slip as he went. If they were fast, he’d be able to make it in time for tutoring.

Shopping took longer than thought due to traffic caused by an accident on the road. Stupid black ice. Now they were both running late for tutoring session with Logan. When they had gotten there, Patton and Virgil were already at work, asking Logan questions for different subjects he could help with. They sat down and began to work to, saying nothing of their plans while Virgil was there.

Dexter wasn’t able to get as much done during tutoring because of their lack of time, but now he had to go help Roman with the planning and getting Logan and Patton to help them, without the emo present.

By the time he got back to the library after the planning session he had a little over and hour to study before it closes.  

When he had finally arrived at his dorm after all that it was nearing ten o’clock. Dexter had to stop at a nearby fast food place to grab an unhealthy dinner since the dorm kitchen was closed. This time Patton was there in their dorm, already preparing for bed. Exhausted, Dexter decided to skip dinner, putting his take out in the fridge and crawling into bed as well.

This went on over the next few days, back and forth between his studies, school, and assisting Roman. Now Dexter had to include helping Roman with his already overflowing workload. He was falling behind, which was cutting into his sleep schedule, which was messing with his productivity. He was happy to help Roman, but he wished he had asked him before finals week.

Even with all the stress, he had managed to make it work. He had just finished his last day of finals, and was rewarding himself with a nap. Other than his occasional spacing out, interruptive thoughts, and tired brain, Dexter thinks he did alright. Definitely didn’t fail any of them, but definitely didn’t ace them either. Ah puns, Patton’s rubbing off on him, Logan wouldn’t be pleased. 

After tomorrow he’d finally be able to relax and hibernate until the next semester.

At eleven am the next day, Logan delivered the note to send Virgil on the hunt. According to his text in the group chat, it took a while for Virgil agree to going on this hunt.

The first clue was in Patton and Dexter’s dorm, specifically the fridge he always raided for soda. A little doodle of a fridge and lemonade ginger ale led him there. Once he arrive, Patton was there to give him the next clue.

The second was at the coffee shop where Dexter first told them about his writing. Hinted at by the drawing of a coffee cup, a notebook, and a snake. When he arrived, Dexter was sitting in the booth, a cup off coffee and a note for Virgil.

The third clue was a picture of a ticket booth and a theater. With an annoyed groan, Virgil left to go after the next clue. Once he was gone Dexter left to help with the final step.

The fourth clue was a giant red, paper sign taped over the ticket booth sign on the side of the school theater. On the giant sign were the words: Go Where We First Met - R, accompanied with the drawings of a desk and a chair, and musical notes. Virgil smiled when he saw those words, because he knew that this was such a Roman kind of thing to do for his twentieth birthday.

He knew exactly where to go next from there. Heading the building right next to the theater, Virgil walked up to the floor where the drama room was. When he entered, he was slightly disappointed to find it empty. But in the center of the room was a lone laptop with a CD right next to it and a note that said “Play Me”.

Doing as the note said, he played the video and on came the song they had met to. American Idiot. As the song played on, bold letters came on the screen, detailing their story, as if he didn’t already now it.

They had met during Virgil’s audition to play in the band for the American Idiot Musical. The theater was busy that day, so auditions were held in the Drama room. 

Roman had been there to pick up the materials he had forgotten after class.

And that’s where he saw him.

Virgil hadn’t noticed him watching, too entranced in the song. But he did notice when a buffoon tripped over a chair and interrupted his audition.

Virgil chuckled when he read those words, remembering when that happened. He had sworn that he’d failed the audition because of a clumsy stranger. And a little more than pissed.

Virgil Black got the part and was sent to rehearsal four days a week. It was there that he got to know Roman Sanchez. 

What started as a silly rivalry soon turned to an awkward friendship. Which then turned to the friendship of a lifetime.

But as time went on, and the two entered into their second year of college, Roman’s feelings began to change. He wanted something more.

Virgil’s breath got caught in his throat. His heart began to beat faster. 

But Virgil seemed content with what they had and denied any attempts by Roman.

Roman could have given up and move on, but he wanted this to much to do so.

And I still do.

Will you go out with me, Virgil?

Virgil was in tears as he heard the song fade away, leaving him in silence, staring at a blank screen.

“Will you?” Roman’s voice sounded behind him.

Virgil whipped around to see Roman walking in from the teacher’s office. Having been hiding there the entire time until his cue. Virgil breathed heavily as he hastily rubbed at his eyes, trying to hide the fact that he had been crying.

“Couldn’t you have asked me like a normal person?” He bit back harshly, but Roman new he was simply embarrassed. 

“Would you have said yes?” He asked him, walking over slowly.

“Yes!” He shouted, still hiding his face in his hands, unable to stop the tears. “Princey I thought you were just kidding this entire time, I knew that you had a long history of dating guys so I thought you weren’t being serious.”

“That was back in high school.” He told him softly, kneeling down to his height, gently taking Virgil’s hands from his face. “I’ve never been more serious about anyone.” Virgil looked up at him slowly, eyes puffy and red. Roman thought it was absolutely adorable. “Virgil Black, will you go out with me?”

“Of course, stupid.” He said back, another round of tears falling, but he wasn’t the only one, as Roman began to cry as well. 

Dexter watched from the doorway, the rest in tow with him. They all silently cheered for their two friends, happy that their dumb tension was finally relieved.

“It’s about time.” Logan stated, leaning against the hallway wall, not needing to spy on them to know what happened.

“This was a really good idea, Dee.” Patton said to him gratefully, tears were also in his eyes as he watched from the doorway.

“Nope, I’m not glad they-” suddenly the buzzing of his cell in his back pocket stopped that train of thought. Good thing Dexter had made sure they put all of their phones on vibrate as to not disturb the new couple. 

Pulling out his phone he felt his hand go limp once he saw the Caller ID. The device fell from his fingers in what felt like slow motion. The sound of the crash alerted everyone around them. Pat and Lo were there first to ask him what was wrong, Roman and Virgil following a second after, their moment now forgotten.

They all asked what was the matter, concern washing over them as he didn’t say anything. However, they all went silent once they heard the fake sweet voice of his mother leaving a message on his phone.

“Hello Dexter, It’s your mother. I called to let you know that your Father, sister, and I will be visiting your campus before the start of the next to talk with all your professors. And of course to see you, haha. Please prepare for our arrival. Also, don’t trouble yourself with visiting us for Christmas, were sure you’d like to enjoy your break by yourself as you do with everything else. See you soon.”

The line went dead, the buzzing the only sound being made. The others looked to each other in confusion and concern. Dexter still said nothing. Picking up his phone he walked away, ignoring the calls directed at him from his friends.

Dexter didn’t mean to interrupt the moment or kill the mood, but he had to leave. He could allow his negativity to affect the rest of them.

His parents were always skeptical of him becoming a writer and tried to discourage him from doing so. It wasn’t because they weren’t sure he’d be successful, even they could see his talent for it, but rather because they were scared of his mind’s creation. His parents have always been frightened of the things he enjoyed, of the things he’d imagine, of him. They were worried that his writing would influence others to be like him, that they’d no longer be able to keep his existence in the dark.

But when Dexter came here, it was because he convinced them that he’d only use his skills to write non-fiction. He’d lied about it, but it was the only way to gain their support. However, if he failed a single class, or if they got a word from his professors about his writing, they’d take him out of school and he’d be forced to work in his dad’s shop.

In the back, stacking and unloading, hidden from the world so that no one could see the monster they had brought into the world.

.

.

Gosh I once again was getting emotional over my own freaking story. Love Prinxiety. 

Y’all are going to be meeting Dexter’s parents soon, to be warned, they’re cynical assholes.

Tag List:

@noneed4thistbh @romanasanders @fuckingemoace @bunny222 @sea-blue-child @astraastro @helloitstimetofight @blue-wolfbane @applecannibal @ryuity @anxiouslyfred @i-identify-as-a-mango @shadowjag @scorching-scotch @cyberpunkjinx

[warmau]

{Friends-to-Lovers!AU} Minhyun

another edited commission, but it was nice to write something long for w1′s vocal visual hehe~ 

to be honest, you blame jaehwan for all the madness that occurs at the beginning of the new fall semester

because if he hadn’t been so enthusiastic in all his damn ambitions, maybe minhyun would have decided that a bake sale was more fitting or a can drive,,,,,

but no - jaehwan had slammed his hand down against the desk during the charity club meeting and loudly exclaimed “let’s go big! or go home! A FULL BLOWN CARNIVAL!”

unfortunately, jonghyun had beamed at the idea

dongho,,,,slightly more wary finally shrugged and caved in and minki was already talking about themes, banners, colorful pretty lights!!!!!!

the rest of the members all chimed and buzzed in agreement and excitement - college was always dull and depressing a carnival was sure to spark interest

only minhyun, the ever voice of reason, bit back his lip and chewed in thought

you, who had been sitting across from him wanted to ask if he was thinking the same thing you were - how expensive would this be? how much work? could they do it-

but before you could, jaehwan wrapped an arm around the seniors neck and grinned

“c’mon,,,,,,,,,,,,,you’re the new leader of the club,,,,,,imagine how good this is going to look when you graduate!!!!”

you hadn’t noticed the breathe you sucked in,,,,,,

that was right - this was minhyun’s last year in college. after this,,,,,he was off to actual med school and you,,,,,,,

his junior,,,,,,,,,wouldn’t see him as much again

minhyun’s eyes, always a docile and calming brown brightened up and you knew - he was convinced

jaehwan grinned, ear to ear in his usual way and shook minhyun’s shoulders in glee

“WE’RE GOING TO PUT ON A CARNIVAL!”

“yes, but all the proceeds are going to the children’s hospital - we are a charity club after all.”

jaehwan nodded at the notion, but almost immediately jumped into the group conversation about plans

dongho, minki, and jonghyun gravitated that way too

and soon it was just you and minhyun

“is this a bad idea?”

minhyun’s voice made you look up at him, his side profile coming into your view as he stared at the group

you cherished the sight a bit more, the daunting idea of his graduation on your mind even though you still had this whole year ahead of you

“it’s a little,,,,,,,,,crazy but,,,,,,”

minhyun turns finally, gaze settled on you

“but it could raise a lot of money for the hospital, and that’s why you joined this club right? to help out the kids?”

minhyun hummed a “yes” before smiling and,,,,,,,,god did it make your heart beat just a millisecond faster

reaching out, he ruffled the top of your hair

“you always know what to say, thank you.”

he got up, shifting his way into the center of the blabbering group

while you sat there and watched,,,,,,minhyun’s words still making the skin on your face turn softly hot

to put it simply, you and minhyun had become friends through minki

originally you had planned to join the fashion club, headed by minki at the time

unfortunately you and another person were the only two to show up to the first meeting and minki was devastated, the second week - it was only you and him

it was still fun, talking with minki about the latest runways over coffee and gushing over art exhibits around the city

but at some point - it was less a club, and more or less just friends hanging out

and on one afternoon, you had met up with minki to go see a mini reveal show at a small designers studio when you realized there was another person with him

upon first seeing him, minhyun had seemed almost unreal - with a skin so smooth and untroubled, eyes of earthy velvet brown, and a smile that pulled his slightly curved lips into a mischievous and almost beckoning smile

you found yourself nearly speechless when minki introduced him with a casual wave, minhyun reaching out to shake your hand

when he’d asked your name, you barely managed to stutter it out

but as the show went on, minki being as lissome as ever as he spoke to random people and other designers

you and minhyun grew closer, both quiet and reserved unlike ren

he had told you he was pre-med, hoping to become a dermatology doctor at some point. you both liked similar books and found minki’s undying energy amusing. you also both valued organization - both in fashion and in your daily lives

so it wasn’t hard to get close

the only thing that you felt barred you two was the fact that minhyun had,,,,,,,,,,a face like that

a face that you didn’t think belonged sitting the crowd beside you

but up there, on stage, with all the other models

when everything was over, minki had half a dozen invitations to afterparties

all of which he said he could refuse and go to dinner with you and minhyun instead

but minhyun shook his head and told minki to go have fun, something almost paternal in the way he addressed him

you were expecting to part ways, but minhyun grew up mannered

you two got something to eat somewhere inexpensive and kept talking, at some point that night minhyun had said “you seem like my kind of person, those are hard to find”

you weren’t sure if minhyun remembered that, it was a while ago when you were still a freshman, but you did

and in a weird sense it had made you feel proud,,,,,because minhyun was popular - by no means was he ever lonely or lacking attention, but he was,,,,,,,selective with the people he brought in close

you were one of them,,,,,,,,it had happened to naturally but so fast that at some point you didn’t notice but you weren’t only friends with minhyun

you were friends with his inner circle, dongho, minki and jonghyun all welcoming you with kindness

and ok,,,,,so what that it made you feel special,,,,,,,,,

classmates and campus students alike clamoured to be at the attention of one of these four boys - but it was like you had been chosen

sometimes you’d daydream a bit about it,,,,,how it happened,,,,,,what was next

and embarrassingly, that would include bits and pieces of this idealistic future,,,,,,,with minhyun

minhyun whose handsome face glowed when you came around, his hands tracing the skin of your cheek, lips parting “my kind of person”,,,,,,the feeling like feathered wings of his mouth grazing yours -

but then you’d snap from it, pulled into reality

like now, when november was half over and the carnival was scheduled for the upcoming weekend

and even though the weather was chilly, the hype of it was undeniable on campus - everyone wanted to go

to eat at food stalls, play games, and unwind from the dawning of finals

all for a good cause, to help the children’s hospital minhyun was so passionate about and that you, in turn, had become passionate about too

but even though your initial fears about this being crazy had come to light, volunteers and club members all breaking their backs to get their parts done

there was one thing that irked at you the most

and it was,,,,,,,,the job minhyun had assigned to you

“you’re so visually observant - i think you’d be great at making the opening banner. something eye catching and beautiful, but that still tells people why we’re doing this carnival.”

the compliments had made you feel weak in the knees for a moment, but then minhyun moved his head and pointed to jonghyun

“you can help them right?”

that weakness in your knees was abruptly changed to a sort of heaviness,,,,,,,you don’t know why or what made you think minhyun would pick to work on a task with you

when he had so much to oversee, so much to check up on

but,,,,,,a small tiny sliver of your heart had harbored hope

that you and minhyun would be together, hands and clothes stained in paint - laughing together in the sunlight of an open classroom, excited for the carnival

excited,,,,,,,,,together

but jonghyun nodded and minhyun was off to go assign other roles

your eyes avoid jonghyuns when he comes over to plan with you, they don’t necessarily look for minhyun but for some reason you’re even more closed off than usual

jonghyun doesn’t seem to mind or notice, he’s too busy trying to figure out your tiny budget

and now, after its been a couple of weeks working together with jonghyun you two are nearly finished

and you know minhyun is going to be coming in to check up on it

for a bit, you consider letting jonghyun handle it alone - he can explain it to minhyun why the banner is this color why they choose the clipart of the children and the balloons

you just,,,,,for some odd reason,,,,,don’t want to be around minhyun for this

it’s kind of childish - to be hurt ,,,,,, but you are

and you are because this whole time, as you toiled alongside jonghyun to paint and cut and decorate

you could catch minhyun bustling around

the people around him, the pretty other pre-med students and the starstruck volunteers with nice smiles and affectionate touches to minhyun’s shoulder

at one point you were sure you saw him hand his phone over to one of them,,,,,,smile in the way you thought he only smiled when he was around the people he genuinely cared about  his bestfriends - the people,,,,,,he loved

and yes, he was working hard and sweating over this charity carnival night and day, but he was also surrounded by opportunities to meet people more personally

tell them,,,,,,,,they were his kind of people,,,,,,,,

everything had just been bubbling inside you, settling finally at the surface when you stood there

jonghyun beside you with a proud smile, minhyun looking over the banner carefully

“it’s great, do you think you two can hang it up about an hour before the carnival starts?”

jonghyun gives a kind “of course!”

minhyun’s eyes turn to you, but your own bolt to the floor

“can you be there too?”

with your hands folded across your chest, the large sleeves of your cardigan basically enveloping your frame

you shake your head, “im not going to the carnival. i have to study for a final that day, sorry.”

you ,,,,,,,,, aren’t sure why you say what you say

it’s all of those feelings at the surface that come spilling out of you to the shock of both jonghyun and minhyun

you know jonghyun is just going to say ‘oh but you put some much work into this!’ and minhyun is going to ask, simply ‘why?’

so you give a sort of timid bow and leave, hurrying out into the cold of the approaching winter

and you don’t expect to be followed - and you’re not

instead, your phone buzzes in your back pocket, but you don’t check it

from minhyun: is something wrong? please please please tell me

on the day of the carnival, you wander across your nearly abandoned dorm

everyone is there, you’re sure of it. bundled in scarves and hats but laughing amidst the cold, enjoying the games and the food, couples trying to win prizes for one and another and even professors coming out to show support

but you just walk the dorm, lost in your mind as you try to figure out what to eat for breakfast

the common kitchen is empty of course, and you put on morning coffee. everything seems like it’s in slow motion

that’s why you don’t react when you hear someone come in, not until you hear their voice

and the morning grogginess makes it hard for you to tell who it is

“minhyun is worried sick, let’s get you dressed and go to the carnival.”

you see minki, a look of desperation you’re not used to seeing is scrawled over his features and you just shake your head

“breakfast,,,,,,,,,,,,and final-”

“everyone has finals, but everyone is at the carnival. go get dressed and eat breakfast there, your favorite place is catering one of the stalls.”

you know it’s a bribe, but you also know that going to the carnival means seeing minhyun and,,,,,,,,

having to explain why you did what you did, said what you did

and you don’t want to, you don’t want to lie to him and the truth stings worse - “oh why didn’t you pick to work with me? you’re graduating and we won’t see each other a lot - but you’re fine hanging around others - doing work with them - i wanted memories with you,,,,,”

but minki is unmoved as you try to think of something to say, he pulls you by the wrist back to your room where he has you haphazardly throw on a coat and you find yourself following behind him

“thanks for bringing them.”

minhyun is in front of you now, at the opening of the carnival - you and jonghyun’s banner overhead

you blink at him as minki waves goodbye, but look away when he meets your gaze

“what’s going on?”

words are hard to process without your breakfast, with the cold whipping your cheeks

“why did you send minki,,,,,,,,,,,”

you start, slowly and then feel something turn in the pit of your stomach - it’s not hunger

“you couldnt,,,,,,,,,come yourself?”

minhyun’s face down casts, a shadow of something makes its way over his features and you feel guilty

obviously he had to be running this carnival,,,,,god why can’t you think before you speak,,,,,you really need to eat something and wake up

but then minhyun reaches out and you feel something settle on your shoulders

you touch it, the fabric is soft - it’s minhyun’s coat that he’s shrugged off

“you’re quivering. why did minki pull you out here in your pajamas,,,,,”

you open your mouth to protest, you also have your jacket on - but it’s true the extra layer stops the cold from coming in much better

but now,,,,minhyun in just a turtleneck looks like he might freeze

but somehow he doesn’t seem phased at all, instead his eyes are searching yours and he looks like he’s thought long and hard about what he’s about to say

“this is my last year, after this med school is going to,,,,,,,,,,,is going to take me away from here. away from you and i -”

the sounds of the carnival die away, the words ‘away from you’ ring like uninterrupted white noise in your mind

minhyun pauses but then breathes and it’s so cold you can see it

“and i don’t want that. i don’t want that all, but i only have a limited amount of time to enjoy your company everyday, to see you everyday and im sick and tired of wasting it. i don’t know what i did or what happened but i,,,,,,need you.”

you can’t help but be pulled into minhyun’s eyes this time around

“i need you so don’t run away from me like that anymore, please. be by my side while time allows it.”

his words make sense, you know what he’s saying but what ,,,,,,,,, but what does it mean

minhyun is not oblivious and although he knows that other people flirt their way up to him, surround him in a cloud of suggestive atmospheres

he has never ever wavered - it’s been you and it has been you since you met

his hand comes up, slightly chilled from the lack of layers and you want to say something back but all you can say is

“you’re cold,,,,,,,”

opening your arms, minhyun pulls you toward him

and suddenly it makes sense, what he said and what it means

his head buries itself in your neck and his lips graze the warm skin and tremble

“be next to me,,,,,,,,be mine,,,,,,”

the sound of the carnival comes back, everyone too distracted to see you and him clutching onto each other

“ok,,,,,” you answer and it’s just a sleepy whisper, but it makes minhyun hold you tighter and when he pulls back just enough to kiss you

it as sweet and light as you remember it in your daydreams

your emotions conflate in your heart - fireworks of adrenaline, calm waves of relief, and small fires of embarrassment for the sudden pda

but it’s worth it when he pulls back and he’s not just minhyun, your friend anymore

he’s something more,,,,,,and you’re more to him

one of the many perks of having friends turn to lovers is they seem to know you,,,,,better than anyone else