#im just venting my frustrations with the ending

[sincerehimbo]

hello, i truly hate “venting” or whtv but im seriously stuck and on the verge of giving up

i haven’t shifted yet, i’ve been “trying” to do so using LOA by assuming that im already in my dr

but whenever I wake up in my cr i get so demotivated and i just can’t seem to convince myself that im in my dr and that i have the ability to shift

do you have any tips on how to fix this?

(i think my problem might be my mindset but i dont know how to fix it)

im just so desperate to go to my dr

it’s certainly your mindset. i was in a similar position and it was BAD!! but what i did was simply realize “man, maybe everything will work out on the end?” and i woke up one day after a “failed attempt” without feeling any frustration.

i recommend taking a step back or taking a break for like a day or however you feel needed!! maybe you js need to sit with your thoughts? go over why you feel so frustrated after waking up in your cr? maybe try another method ( they aren’t needed but it’s pretty fun )?

shifting should be fun, not a chore. spice stuff up!! do flips, do something silly, make a new bizarre script, do something that YOU enjoy to motivate you. bc you are already in your dr, just push. you aren’t struck, more confused? no one can be stuck my guy, js take a step back, rethink, breathe, and say “one more time!” I WANNA HEAR YOU SAY 🎤🎤🎤

“ONE MORE TIME!”

[grimalkinmessor]

Light's end has always bothered me for multiple reasons (the biggest of which is it not actually being his fault that he lost therefore robbing me of a greater poetic justice but you can't win 'em all), but I think one nobody really talks about is that,,,Light wasn't afraid to die.

Well—he WAS, at the beginning, but part of the reason I'm so obsessed with his relationship with Ryuk is because Ryuk's existence was a constant threat to Light's life. And yet Light never once seemed afraid of him, or tried to cozy up to him, or even attempted manipulate Ryuk into doing things for him. Sure, he bribed him sometimes into going along with his plans, but he was friends with Ryuk. Or—as close to friends as I assume a Light Yagami and a Shinigami can get.

But before Light meets Ryuk, he 100% believes that he's going to die. His frenzy those first few days can be attributed not to any moral righteousness, but to a desperate sort of resignation. Light thinks that he's sold his soul after killing those first two men, so instead of destroying the Death Note, he immediately sets out to make as big of an impact as possible. He wants to go out with a bang! He wants to be remembered! Light is afraid of death in those first days—but he also comes to terms with it somewhere between killing Otoharada and Ryuk showing up. He was ready to go with Ryuk quietly if he was there to take his life or his soul.

But then—he learns that he's not going to die.

The face of a boy excited and relieved.

Light learns that there are no consequences to using the Death Note.

THIS is when he starts getting cocky, when he starts to actually convince himself of all that moral stuff he spouts.

But he's still not afraid of death.

Oh he's afraid of being caught, for sure, and after L humiliated him on live television, he might've even been afraid of execution. Because he'd seen firsthand just how quickly L could turn the tables on him, how he could make Kira look foolish. And Light definitely does not want to be remembered as foolish.

I don't think Light was afraid of actually DYING though, because when Ryuk says "You know I could just kill you", Light laughs. Literally laughing in the face of death. Light KNOWS that Ryuk will eventually kill him, but as long as he goes down the way he wants—on HIS terms—it's fine. Ryuk claiming that he'd be the one to finally end Light might've even been a relief, considering how Light's mind works. A god can only be killed by another god, etc. etc. 'Killed By A Real-life Shinigami' sounds metal as FUCK. Top-tier way to die if you're as much of a gloryhound as Light.

And one thing that irks me is that—the five year gap kind of,,,,takes that, from Light. Light spends so long on top of the world with no real challenge that by the time that Near and Mello show up, he's far more arrogant than he was when he was up against L. Light is, once more, afraid of death. He's lost that tolerance he built up in those pivotal first few days, and he goes out, not in a blaze of glory like he wanted, but clawing and pleading to live like a dog.

Light lost his recklessness, his impatience, his acceptance of the inevitable because he believed that he could now change the inevitable—all somewhere in that five year time skip.

This makes him less likely to get caught, yes, but it also takes away that—that teenage dauntlessness that he had at the beginning. Pre-skip Light feared L and L alone. Only the idea of being caught by someone who could truly tear him down frightened him. Not even death compared.

And I suppose that Light's spiralling at the end is a sort of poetic justice in this case?? But it's not the one I wanted.

I wanted Light's recklessness to blow up in his face. I wanted his carefully curated plans ruined by his own impatient hand. I wanted him to go down much as he probably first intended—in a blaze of glory. I wanted his fall to be explosive and terrifying to the audience. A moral of the story that shoots you right in the chest and really makes you think.

Instead he was reduced to just,,,,another criminal, begging for his life.

Which, yes, I suppose, is also a message in and of itself (all evil figures throughout history have only ever been human, have only ever been men that bleed red at the end of the day, and nothing they've ever done or said will change that), but I also find that....exceedingly boring.

[boyywithluv]

.

[natjennie]

sorry i havent been very active lately I've been having a real shit couple days idk why

[nicky-jr]

shoutout gothcleats shippers o7

[dandyshucks]

blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl

[faggotslime]

having a burnout meltdown at work haha

[mechawolfie]

i dont like when all the fears of the day ball into one big Ball Of Sad at night. not fun.

[annabylers]

Not to be sappy on main but Alexa what are you supposed to do when the boy you've been deeply madly crazily in love with for 3+ years starts giving hints(or maybe im just looking too much into it) that he maybe probably likes you too??????

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.

I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃

[theghostofwilburtheworm]

digital drawing has become very annoying for me lately aa

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

shout out to thomas from ghosts for yoinking me out of a panic attack before it could really get going

[coffee-bat]

hi not to vent again but you ever been so overwhelmingly injured that you actually feel like crying

[kilibaggins]

// tw: self hate and suicidal thoughts ig? idk intrusive and bad thoughts brought up but not described

[cookiescr]

I urge you all to mute my vent tag because i am annoying

[ovisiphorus]

I’m in so much physical and mental pain. Did not have a good year this year.

Things won’t be improving in the near future, either.

IDK what to do, honestly.