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#im just. worried someone will walk in and see me on my laptop? even tho im allowed?
megismorallysunny · 1 year
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HIHI
not too much happened, yknow that bb gun i was talking about tho or atleast i think i did, well the school didnt take it seriously just asked him if he had one and that was it, he was lucky to not have it that day. its not like i like being a snitch but my mom was asking about it and she was gonna tell the school about it and listen if anything is against apricot and he doenst know its me, then im all in if there are 1000 apricot haters im one of them if there is 1 im them and if there is 0 im dead.
anyways he keeps bullying melon which kinda sucks for her and he thinks its her who reported. anyways it was wellbeing week so we had to do stupid shit. yay. i absolutely loathe drawing pictures and ofc we just had to do that often. it really sucked. my friend made me move in cspe and then she moved away from me again i was so ready to punch her in the face. i nearly stapled her jumper together but missed.
on tuesday we had a sub for pe so basically no pe, got our test scores from maths scored a 76% twas a little disappointed but every1 got sort of that or lower except for very few. in french it was good and me and diorite somehow got onto the topic of costa and said that on friday we should have a goss sesh and drink the new maple hot chocolate (it was really good) so yeah we planned that out. in graphics our teacher said we would be starting our project which is basically worth 30% of the junior cert (yikes) but that was on wednesday we had graphics. also on wednesday our woodwork teacher came back and he collected the cbas except the sub told us these were all drafts and that we would have more time (spoiler alert we didnt) and our woodwork teacher is not a kind man. mine was pathetic. did i talk about the irish test?? i got on ok wasnt even a test tbh. i think our nurture teacher is avoiding us cuz idk but hes in but just doesnt show up and gets other teachers to sub which is weird..
ALSO on tuesday nearly missed the main event whoopsies, its kinda ironic considering wellbeing week and being healthy and shit for that but this girl in my year was so high that her hands started shaking and her eyes were rolling back, so the school called an ambulance bc (well one of my classmates who sits beside her) said that they thought she was gonna have a seizure. so scary shit, every1 was more worried about the weed pen she had rather than her getting seriously screwed up in the long run.
on wednesday we were supposed to have an irish test but then we got to have a wellbeing walk. i snuck in chocolate crisps or whatever you call them kinda felt like a fat bitch by the end so that was really mental health of me. Lapis (maybe someone i havent introduced but hes in my class) and this other guy got into a fight, idk what about bc no one will tell me but yeah. thursday was BORINGGGG we got hot chocolate but it was like 2 euro like wtf inflation im a student. like we have to pay 2 euro for good hot chocolate but they gave away a whole trolley full of laptops last year and just that day they let students take full ass monitors, computers and keyboards. even a fucking cars cannot park here sign. some dude took a laptop cover HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A LAPTOP. friday in irish turns out the test was a real one and im waffling, im waffling dude, so badly, im straight talking out of my ass. anywayyys i did shit but its me so i tried. on tuesday me and diorite specifically told granite "DO NOT BRING APRICOT, WE ARE SPILLING GOSS, DO NOT BRING HIM"
guess what i hear when i walk in huh, check whatsapp, i do, i see the message and it says granites ditching us for apricot, and then granite says oh no im sorry and then diorite says he invited him to costa. and my mind goes red i go up to granite and i start telling him i do " DID WE NOT TELL YOU NOT TO INVITE HIM HUH??" "yess.." "AND YOU INVITED HIM?? im disappointed im really disappointed in you" anyways we still went costa without him and it was fun until apricot showed up outside granite waved and then apricot and his friends looked at us through the window and then me and diorite buck t out fo there go to penneys catch some bargains and then go to granites house and theres granite, OD, apricot and ODs friend. we say hi but then i have to go ten minutes later. also i changed in the tesco bathrooms and i looked rly fucking hot ok. also me and diorite held an entire conversation in irish so like go me yesss. anyways good morning, day and night.
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kazuyummy · 1 year
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AK anon is here -again- 🙊💛. I really wanna request a matchup with Amahisa but i have never done that before so kinda unsure how to do so but i will give it a go:
1- weak. 2- strong. 3- Insightful. 4- Cool (im not tho🤦‍♀️)
Orange (🍊): I am not very creative like you -🥺- so my ideas are very basic, but something like how he would approach a person like me ? I really can't imagine myself being with somebody like kousei who is so opposite. (personality wise). Ppl around think im cool, strong, independent women, laid back, chill etc .. but really im not like that, and i usually admire ppl who are like that (and like Kousei too). But what ppl see from outside is way different from inside ~~~ but ~~~~~ yeah ~~~~~ god i feel shy idk why 🤦‍♀️🙊🙈💛. Also, thank you for writing for DNA. I really enjoy my time on your blog.
omg no worries! usually in matchups you would give your info and then i would choose who to match you up with - but don't worry, i'd be happy to write one for you and amahisa (plus i can't see you with anyone else now LOLL)!
i think you and AMAHISA KOUSEI would be a perfect match particularly because you're opposites! he's a walking contradiction - whimsical but observant; carefree but invested; nonchalant but hardworking. so i think he'd really appreciate you being a bit of a contradiction yourself! sometimes he's so honest to the point that people can't tell if he's joking or not - so i think he sees your struggle in that area with being misunderstood or seen differently than you might think you act. and even if you don't think you're cool yourself - he certainly would, but not necessarily in the way others might perceive you. i think he'd want to get to know you at a raw, deep level - it might take you a while to be that vulnerable with him and open up, but he's determined to crack that shell and support you. and for someone who may get bored with one thing and move on to the next - he'd find you so interesting that he'd never get tired of you.
bit of drabble / headcanon under the cut! a bit longer than i usually do too ehehe 💕
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❀ FIRST IMPRESSIONS
amahisa kousei is certainly one to say what he means, and you don't exactly understand that at first
his pickup lines aren't suave or clever - he'll literally tell you that you're pretty, smart, beautiful - with such a nonchalant face and then go back to doing his own thing
while you think you're gawking and panicking over what he's saying, you're really just staring at him with a straight face and a slow nod
"amahisa's always trying to get your attention... how are you always so cool about it? isn't he like, a big star on the baseball team?"
your friend taps your shoulder as you leave class, and you mumble back,
"he can't be that good at baseball if he has time to flirt like this all the time..."
your face is burning, but you play it off - sure, he's pretty handsome and charismatic. a bit of a mystery, even - but you do tend to wonder why he focuses on you specifically
it isn't until after you've parted with your friend and walked ten minutes to the bus stop that you realize something very important
you forgot your freaking laptop.
huffing, you start a light jog back but pause when you glance at your watch - there's no way you'll get there and back in time, and the next bus after that is in another half hour
and you definitely needed to grab your next batch of textbooks from home, or you'd miss your next class
"hey! you're pretty fast, you know? practically sprinted out of the classroom!"
when you look up, who else do you nearly run into but amahisa holding your laptop?
you blink once, twice. then you blurt out,
"you're a lot more thoughtful than you let on."
he lets out a full laugh, "and you're a lot less scary than you seem!"
you frown, asking what he means - to which he responds,
"everyone always says how intimidating and strong you are. but you're getting flustered right now, aren't you?"
"i- i- no i'm not! and i don't mean to look scary at all! that's just how people see me for some reason..."
you're feeling self-conscious, even when he gives you an easygoing laugh, and you're certainly thrown off when he ruffles your hair,
"you shouldn't care so much how people see you! except for me maybe, because i see you as pretty interesting."
you roll your eyes, taking the laptop from him, but can't seem to hide a slight smile from his watchful golden eyes
"see you later then, yeah?"
"we'll have to see about that. but i guess i owe you for this - so thanks... amahisa."
"it's kousei," he smiles before waving and taking off
"how am i supposed to talk to him if he doesn't even ask for my number..." you grumble
but when you pull your laptop out next class, a sticky note tumbles from it with his phone number and a "coffee soon?" on it - that boy certainly is full of surprises.
hope you enjoyed, i'm so happy i finally got to write for you and kousei - i love getting asks from you and think the two of you would make such an amazing couple ehe 💕
read completed matchups here 💫
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3-1pool · 2 years
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oh i am so bored....
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blxetsi · 4 years
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Hi! Can I please request modern au hcs for Armin?
tysm for requesting !!
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modern armin arlert dating headcanons
lowercase intended !
college!armin arlert x gn!reader
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- okay so
- i think in a college setting you and armin hit it off really well
- i think you guys wouldve just accidentally kept bumping into each other, whether it be around campus, at some coffee shop, in the library
- it gets so frequent you dont even know if its a coincidence at this point, yet you cant help but hope that you seem him whenever you go out
- after ALWAYS bumping into each other and apologizing before making small talk, armin makes the first move
- mf just says "are you following me ?" to which you reply "are YOU following me ?"
- that night ends in you two exchanging numbers 🤩
- you find out that hes a humanities major, and wants to be a psychologist some day
- you also find out he has a paid internship at a research facility near the university you attend
- hes super sweet but also super humble, so he tries not to keep the subject on himself for very long, just wanting to know more about you
- as you two get closer he gets more touchy (not in a weird way)
- he starts greeting you with hugs now, and likes to have a light grip on your wrist when hes leading you through crowded hallways of the school
- he introduced you to his bestfriends and roommates, mikasa and eren, and they were really accepting !! (they already could tell armin liked you even if he didnt know himself)
- you start developing feelings for him about two months after you exchanged numbers, and you honestly felt really weird
- because this beautiful boy whos so sweet and kind and intelligent is like,, wayyyy out of your league
- armin thinks the exact same thing
- he thinks youre so cool and fun to be around, you always have the best stories to tell and are so welcoming,, its HARD not to fall for someone like you !!
- finally he gets up the courage to ask if you can come to his apartment
- and there he confesses 😳💥‼️
- you sit there shocked for a couple seconds too long because now hes freaking out like "im so sorry i didnt wanna seem creepy i just wanted to tell you how i felt you can leave or i can walk you home- wait you probably wouldnt want that but-"
- you just kind of grab his shoulders and start shaking him. before you tell him you like him too.
- the apples of his cheeks turn pink before he smiles and gives you such a tight hug !!
- hes immediately planning a date with you for when youre both free
- takes you to the local aquarium 🤩 and kisses you in front of the moon jellies (u know those big tanks with the jellyfish that are like glow in the dark ?? and the whole hallway is pitch black except for the lights from the tank ?? yeah ❤️ he kissed you THERE and it was beautiful)
- has chapped lips 😐 sorry i dont make the rules
- has a habit of picking them when hes working or lost in thought
- doesnt mean you stop kissing him tho
- is the kind of guy that will genuinely get worried if you send an "sos" type message. gets out of his own class just to speedwalk (he isnt gonna break the rules and run in the halls 🙄) and come to your class just to see if youre okay
- looks at you like 😐 when you explain you just need him to get you an iced coffee from that shitty coffee place in the cafeteria
- does it anyway even though hes annoyed 😌✨
- will grumble about paying him back for the five dollars he just spent on you while you kiss him over and over again in thanks
- doesnt let you pay him back though smh 🙄
- loves to give back hugs
- will do it while youre working, or while youre doing the dishes
- if youre shorter than him he'll rest his head on your and just smell your hair
- if youre taller than him hes shoving his face inbetween your shoulder blades
- is such a lightweight drunk its not even funny
- none of his friends are tbh 🙄
- the first time you saw him drunk was when eren dragged you guys out to a party their friend was hosting (literally interrupted your cuddle time in armins bed to THROW OFF THE BLANKETS and say "you guys are coming with me 😁👍" and when you two said no he TURNED ON THE LIGHTS and ruined the vibe 😐 fucking asshole)
- anyways you two had to change back into your clothes at 9pm just to go to a shitty party that was gonna get busted by the cops anyways 😔💔
- you couldnt find him through the sea of people, and u got really worried until armin called you
- it was not armin on the other line 😁👍
- he said his name was reiner ?? and he said he was with armin bc he puked while playing beer pong
- the guy tells you where they are and you go to find them. theyre sitting on this couch in a backroom and theres only like,, five people in total there ??
- armin is SOBBING while reiner is trying to get him to drink water
- "reiner you dont get it,,, theyre so beautiful. i cant compete. i dont even think theyd wanna be with me. and you have to see them talk about their major. theyre so smart you dont understand." "okay buddy lets just finish this water okay ?"
- armin is leaning his shoulder on this GIANT of a man just going on about how much he loves you and how amazing he finds you. until you tap his shoulder. and then he realizes youve been listening this entire time. and then he starts crying because he doesnt want you to find him weird. and then you have to explain to him that you two are dating. where he doesnt believe you still.
- eren ends up giving you the keys to his car and saying "ill just call you when i need a ride back" and reiner CARRIES armin to the car 😭😭😭
- hes a real gentleman 😁👍
- that morning armin remembers EVERYTHING and is MORTIFIED
- calls reiner immediately like "did people see me puke ? oh god am i gonna be talked about ?"
- has very vivid dreams and remembers all of them ?? will literally tell you about a dream he had when he was five and WILL NOT forget a detail. its weird
- his family actually doesnt seem like they like you 😳 not because they dont theyre just very,, quiet people...... except for his grandfather
- doesnt even care who you are to armin, will pull you down on the couch with him to tell you about all his research and findings as an archeologist (before he retired)
- if youre ever feeling sad about anything, whether that be stress, family problems, or body image issues, armins taking you to his place 😁👍
- he'll cuddle you and whisper how much he loves you while you two are watching something on his laptop
- has acne scars on his shoulders. dont make fun of him for it pls
- loves getting back scratches though, the tingles make him feel really calm
- if you have like,, makeup brushes and stuff he likes it when you brush his face with them, no product or anything but the tingles he gets from it 🤤
- over time his parents warm up to you quiet a bit, and when his mom shows you baby photos and from him as a kid youre SHOCKED.
- he had this little bob cut from when he was ten to his teens 🥺🥺🥺🥺
- when you two are walking back home or wherever you cant help but go on about how cute he was and how healthy and pretty his hair looked (not that its not healthy or pretty now) and he just giggles before pulling you into his side and kissing your cheek while saying "okay baby, ill grow it out just for you then"
- also loves the petnames baby, angel, and love
- will gladly let you steal his sweaters. has a really nice knit one that his grandma made him before she died. that ones off limits.
- doesnt like to fight, but when he feels like hes in the right he wont hesitate to yell back when youre yelling at him
- just dont yell at him pls, it makes him sad
- it takes him a while (and by a while i mean like 30 minutes at most) before his texting you asking if you guys can talk about it
- its really easy for you two to make up, and immediately hes hugging you and just asking if you wanna do something with him
- also, cuts his own hair ?? and would cut yours if you asked. mikasa vouches for him "yeah he trims my hair all the time. why ?"
- every year on your anniversary hes taking you to the aquarium. and he always kisses you as softly as he did the very first time, in the dark hallway of the moon jellyfish tank ✨
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a/n
THATS ITTT !!! thanks again for requesting !! i hope you all enjoyed. remember asks are open !! u dont have to request headcanons either !!! go crazy friends !!
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free-pool-trash · 4 years
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folklore - isaac lahey {7/?}
Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait I’ve been ridiculously busy the past few weeks 😓BUT!!! As compensation I made this part super long and fluffy with sooooooo much Isaac/reader content (enjoy it while you can because shits gonna be messy from here on out 🤭🙈)
Having said that, I don’t have my laptop right now as I moved houses and my stuff got put into storage so I’m working with the mobile version 😓 sorry in advance if formatting is weird I tried to make it better 😓 also there’s no continue reading button so sorry if this comes up on your dash 😭
Let me know what you think tho I’d really appreciate it 💕
Word count: 5.5k 🙈
Warnings: Fluff 😳, mentions of blood, Derek being a PAIN IN THE ASS, Isaac being the cutest 😌✨, ✨kissing✨, swearing
Masterlist
Tag list (open as always): @makeusfreefromthisfandom om, @cece-lives-here here, @chocolate-raspberries , @belsandthings , @dancing-tacos-23 , @truly-dionysus , @britty443 , @tanyaherondale , @furiouspockettoad , @yunsh-17 17, @random-thoughts-003 , @gloomybrieyxb , @futuristicslimemongerbanana , @linkpk88 , @big-galaxy-chaos , @im-a-stranger-thing , @riaisnotcool (I think u had a username change but idk let me know and I can fix it), @its-evita-here , @pad-foots , @sweetpeabellamyblakedracomalfoy , @bookswillfindyouaway , @what-the-hap-is-fuckening , @awkwardnesshabitat , @pieces-by-me me, @wreny24 , @kerosene-angel (if this is the wrong username I’m sorry it wasn’t working the way I had written it down so I’m assuming I just took it down wrong 😳 it it’s not you let me know and I’ll remove you), @marveloucnco o, @babypink224221 let me know if you’d like to be added <3 (strike through means tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you)
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The days you’d spent in Mystic Falls bled into weeks and soon enough you were being beckoned back to Beacon Hills with a head full of things you hadn’t had a clue about two weeks prior.
There, of course, was the matter of Peter- who was now dead, well technically, he was murdered.
Derek’s first course of action as Beacon Hills’ new alpha was to break the news to you. He’d killed him but due to Scott and Stiles’ constant text updates, you knew it would’ve had to be done sooner or later. But still, you had a feeling that this wouldn’t be the last of him. That small intuitive feeling in the back of your mind told you that you’d see him again soon. You just hoped your next meeting wouldn’t be happening because you ended up buried next to him.
Over the course of your stay with Alaric, who had left you in the care of the Salvatore brothers- Stefan and Damon, you’d honed several new vampiric powers. As it turned out, some of the powers you possessed were completely unfamiliar to the vampires of over a hundred years.
You had super speed, it wasn’t just enhanced as you’d previously thought. As well as that, you’d discovered that you could run circles around both Stefan and Damon Salvatore, who were obviously a lot older and therefore should’ve been a lot faster.
And for that matter, they should’ve been stronger than you, they should’ve been able to snap you like a twig. They should’ve been able to. But they weren’t. Because not only were you faster, you were stronger too.
While having super speed and super strength was nice, mind compulsion, your most recent discovery, now that was incredible. All you had to do was look into someone’s eyes and they would become completely entranced to do whatever you told them.
Despite being over a hundred years old, neither Stefan nor Damon had ever seen a vampire quite like you.
They’d never seen a vampire who was also an empath, that, apparently, was usually more of a witch thing. Neither of them had ever come across a vampire bite which had a euphoric effect either. But having said all of that… they’d never heard of someone being turned from a wolf bite. Or a vampire who still had a beating heart, for that matter.
Your only real downfalls were that, for one, your blood’s healing capacity didn’t operate at the same speed for you as it did when being used to heal others. You’d put this down to the possibility that maybe your system had just grown too used to it. To be perfectly honest, though, you had no idea.
Secondly, your empathic tendencies were beginning to bring you down, but it wasn’t just that… it was the way in which you’d been instructed, by Damon Salvatore himself, on how to make them stop.
The plane ride home to California dragged on longer than you would’ve liked, the flight was delayed and you were absolutely starving by the time Derek picked you up from the airport. Your parents were still away, they’d travelled to Romania in search of answers to your predicament and they wouldn’t be home until at least next week, so that left Derek on chauffeur and babysitting duty.
“How are you?” He’d only spoken up thirty minutes into the car ride, you let out a sigh from the passenger seat and gave him a tired smile, you could feel the nerves radiating from him. He was afraid you’d be mad at him for killing Peter, and maybe you should’ve been, but again, you had a feeling he’d be back, and besides, spending time with Damon had helped you realise that everything wasn’t so black and white. It finally registered with you that people like Derek and Damon, the dark mysterious bad boys with secret hearts of gold- they sometimes did bad things but with good intentions.
Once you discovered this, you decided amongst yourself that you’d ease up on your not-really-big-brother in the future. Even if it meant you got hurt a little in the process. If hurting you was what he needed to do to learn his lesson then you’d be willing to make that sacrifice.
So you gave him a soft smile and answered, “Hungry.”
Derek let out a chuckle at that, nodding his head towards the backseat, drawing your attention to the three full blood bags laying on the leather seats.
A delighted gasp left your mouth as you snatched the plastic bags into your hands, wasting no time you stuck the attached tube into your mouth and began gulping the first bag down- it was definitely Stiles’ blood you were drinking, you’d gotten so used to the taste of it you were sure you could recognise it anywhere.
Letting out a happy groan you threw your head back against the headrest, “Stiles Stilinski you are a doll.”
Derek chuckled again, glancing at you fondly before his steely eyes returned to the road ahead.
It was only another 30 minutes before you were back in your driveway. “So are you staying here until my parents get back?” You questioned from the porch as Derek got your bags from the trunk of his car, the wolf shook his head with a smile, “Nah, I’ve got some stuff to do at home.”
“Derek, that home isn’t even structurally sound.” You chastised softly. Surely he’d be happier spending time with the family he still had breathing rather than living in the remnants of what used to be his.
Walking up to the porch, Derek placed your case down gently by your feet and moved himself to stand in front of you. A genuine smile painted his lips as he gazed at you, “New rule.” He stated, placing both of his hands on either of your forearms before going on, eyes staring affectionately into your own, “From now on, I will be doing all the worrying about you, alright? Not the other way around.”
With a defeated sigh, you nodded your head. “I’ll try my best.” That had been a lie. Unable to blind you with his unusually sweet sentiment, through the physical contact you could tell he was scheming.
“Good. Now, go get some rest I’ll come check up on you in the morning.” He kissed your forehead and then made his way back to his car, speeding out of your driveway and out of sight before you’d even unlocked the door.
The house was cold and empty when you’d re-entered. A shiver ran up your spine the second your feet stepped past the threshold. Something was very wrong, and unfortunately, you couldn’t tell what exactly it was that was so wrong. The feeling was unnerving, it was dark and it was agonisingly heavy. Like anxiety on steroids, lots of steroids.
Swallowing thickly, you gripped -more like clawed- at your chest. Nails scraping your skin as you attempted to catch a single breath, though it seemed that oxygen was determined to outrun you as you glanced around helplessly.
Almost twenty minutes has passed as you heaved and gasped frantically, overwhelming dread flooded your chest while simultaneously tears flooded your eyes, and still you didn’t have even the slightest idea of what it all meant.
And then it hit you. That panic- it didn’t belong to you.
Within a second you’d risen to your feet, breathing still staggered while you rushed out the front door, your vampire speed being put to good use as within seconds you were where your panic had led you. Night had fallen by now and it was completely dark, not to mention absolutely freezing, the hoodie you had on doing nothing to protect you from the biting cold in the air. The trail of feelings you’d been chasing had led you to Beacon Hills cemetery and before your eyes, there it was, the something that was very wrong.
Derek and Isaac. More specifically, Derek’s teeth buried in Isaac’s arm. You hadn’t even registered what you were doing when you ripped Derek from Isaac and violently threw him across the cemetery, the impact in which the Hale hit the tree all the way at the edge of the graveyard was a testimony to your strength. You hadn’t even used half it.
Without hesitation, you inspected Isaac’s body frantically, eyes lingering on the bloody bite across his right arm. Slowly and mournfully, your eyes met his, which were wide with shock. His heart was beating out of his chest to the point where you couldn’t ignore it.
“What did he do to you?” The question slipped out as a whisper, your anger melted away only to be replaced by dread as Isaac began to speak, “He offered me the bite and I- I said yes.”
“Isaac…” Your gaze drifted to the bite and you weren’t surprised to see it already healed. “I’m sorry.” You heard him mutter from above you, his anxiety pooling in your chest and mixing with his guilt.
Shaking your head softly you pulled him into you, your arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders while his own arms held you tightly against him as you kissed his temple to release him of the intense anxiety plaguing him. “Don’t be sorry. I understand.”
He relaxed against you upon hearing your words, the two weeks you’d been gone made him realise something, he was utterly useless without you, or so he thought. He felt weak. He felt as though if he didn’t have you as emotional support he was defective. Derek had honed in on that and manipulated it to his advantage, convinced Isaac that the bite was what he needed in order to be strong by himself. To keep you safe instead of you protecting him all of the time.
“Was that really necessary?” Derek’s voice broke the moment and you found anger was surging through you once again. You separated from Isaac to face Derek.
At this point, you didn’t care what his intentions had been, you weren’t going to let him away with this.
“I’m going to give you three seconds to explain why you did this.” As Derek moved to speak you ruthlessly cut him off. “Too slow.” And with that the back of your hand met his cheek, again sending him flying, only not as far this time.
His fangs were barred now, as were yours. Both of your eyes glowing, his red ones threatening as he attempted to demonstrate his power. And yet again, you had a revelation.
You couldn’t stop the laugh that fell from your lips, a synacal and sarcastic lilt to it as you towered over Derek’s form on the floor.
“Oh I get it!” You exclaimed, lip held between your teeth in mock disbelief you pressed your palm to your forehead as you spoke, “You thought you’d go around and stalk some kids so you could add to your big bad pack. Right?” He growled at you and attempted to pick himself up, only for you to give a swift, hard kick to his chest, returning his back to the dirt.
“I guess you told him it’d make him stronger? That it’d make all of his problems go away? And what about the Argent’s, huh? Did you tell him that you were manipulating him?” It was then, again in panic, Isaac spoke up to your surprise, in Derek’s defence.
“(Y/n), I promise it isn’t like that! He told me everything, it was my choice I said yes!” You spared him a glance before crouching down to Derek.
“Well did you tell him how you usually treat your pack?” The words were dripping in venom and the guilt that radiated from the man didn’t deter you from moving forward with you verbal attack, your head turning to Isaac, your eyes sparkling with sadness as you locked eyes with him, speaking hoarsely you wondered out loud, “Did he tell you that he’s a liar? That he doesn’t know how to run a pack? That if he doesn’t understand you he’ll leave you in the dust?”
The look on his face spoke volumes as he recalled the state Derek had put you in the weeks previous.
With a final sneer in Derek’s direction you delivered your parting words, “You better treat him better than you continue to treat me or so help me Derek Hale I will tear you to shreds.”
As you angrily stormed away, Isaac stood in confusion for a second before he began to chase after you, leaving Derek on the dirt floor to help himself.
“(Y/n)! (Y/n) please wait!” He shouted as he was just starting to catch up to you. When you felt that you were at a good enough distance away from Derek you finally slowed your pace.
When Isaac finally made it to your side, he was panting slightly, swallowing the lump in his throat he nervously grabbed your hand.
“I’m sorry.” He repeated, his eyes resembling those of a puppy and you could already feel your composure slipping away from you as you looked at him.
It’d been almost three weeks since you’d seen him, three weeks since you’d made out in the school basement and this definitely wasn’t how you were expecting the reunion to go.
“Isaac it isn’t your fault. I’m not mad at you, ok? I get it. I’m just worried, this town isn’t exactly kind on the supernatural.” You reassured him gently, squeezing his hand and giving him a sad smile.
“Don’t worry about me.” Isaac told you and you had to laugh, “Sorry, babe but I will not be taking my eyes off you until this town becomes normal.”
Isaac’s face was then taken over by, what could only be described as, a Cheshire Cat smile, “Did you just call me babe?” His voice was teasing and you felt your face heating up despite your freezing temperature.
Sucking on the inside of your cheek you tried your best to conceal your growing smile, you shrugged innocently, “Yeah. What about it?” The playful lilt in your voice had his smile widening even more as he began to lean down to you, his face getting closer to yours by the second.
His breath fanned across your lips when he spoke next, “I liked it.” With that, his lips pressed to yours cautiously, as if he was still unsure of whether or not it was okay to do so.
His uncertainty melted away when he felt your lips begin to reciprocate his actions and your hands moved to cup his cheeks.
The both of you could agree that this kiss was different than the last one you’d shared a few weeks ago. “Why is it that we only ever kiss when one of us is coming out as a supernatural creature?” Isaac laughed against your lips as you pulled away with a sigh.
“It would be us wouldn’t it.”
After a few minutes of nagging at Isaac you managed to put all the pieces of Derek’s plan together. Isaac himself didn’t actually know all that much, just that he was the first to be turned, but that alone told you everything that you needed to know.
Derek was now an alpha with no pack, so logically, a pack was what he was building and that would have been perfectly understandable- if he hadn’t started with your best friend.
“There’s a full moon coming up, did he tell you what would happen?” You questioned gently, ready to throttle Derek when the boy in front of you shook his head.
Heaving a deep breath you squeezed his hand reassuringly, the initial excitement of being turned had worn off and Isaac was beginning to radiate anxiety once again.
“Don’t worry okay? I’m gonna call Scott, he’ll be able to help you.” Isaac’s eyebrows came together in confusion, “Scott McCall?”
You nodded your head, “He’ll know how to help.” You tried to convince Isaac without spilling Scott’s secret. Not that it was going to stay a secret for too long, but it wasn’t your secret to tell.
Isaac shook his head rapidly, his hands moving to hold your forearms, his panic at your suggestion hitting you like a freight train as he stared into your eyes, a wild look in his own.
“No no no no. You can’t tell anyone. (Y/n) promise me you won’t tell anyone okay? If my dad finds out I’m a werewolf he’ll-“ The words came out almost as fast as you could run and his panic only intensified when his father entered his mind.
Quickly catching on to his looming panic attack as his eyes began to glow yellow you cut him off, “Isaac.”
He didn’t hear you as he kept rambling, claws growing past his nails and digging into your arm, “No he’ll kill me. Oh my god he’s gonna kill me. (Y/n) he’s go-“
Yes, it would’ve been easy to rip your arms from his grasp that was causing you quite a lot of pain as his nails sunk into your skin as his hands held onto you desperately. However, you had a feeling that his hold on your now bloody forearms was the only thing keeping him from spiralling completely out of control.
“Isaac! Look at me!” Your voice was strict but served to make his amber eyes finally settle on yours.
Gently, you finally slipped your arms out of Isaac’s clawed grip, although you were sure it would’ve been less painful to just leave them, his claws dragged down your arms while you lifted them slowly and cautiously until you replaced them with your hands, using your new grasp of the boy to provide him with some peace of mind.
You focused your energy on shifting a sense of relaxation from your own palms to Isaac’s sweaty ones as you spoke, voice soft again, “I’m not going to tell anyone. It’s just you and me, alright? Focus on me, yeah?” Isaac nodded his head, still slightly frantic but calmer than before as he did as you told and simply focused on you, “Take a deep breath.” You instructed, breathing steadily along with him until his eyes returned to their natural blue colour and his claws retracted.
A moment of silence passed with Isaac slumped against you, hands held tightly in his while he steadied his breathing. You placed your lips to his cheek and then again to the bruise forming beneath his right eye, you hadn’t noticed it earlier. You’d almost forgotten it’d been nearly three weeks since you’d been together, he’d probably been though it with his demon of a sperm doner over the time you were away.
“I’ve missed you.” It was Isaac that broke the silence when your lips disconnected from his injured face.
“I missed you too.” You replied simply, there was so much you’d planned on saying to him while you were in Mystic Falls but at the moment, you felt there were more pressing matters to discuss and again, it was Isaac who spoke.
He pulled away slightly to look at you properly, hands still clasping yours, he gave them a squeeze before he started speaking, “This pack that Derek’s building… I’m guessing you’re not in it?”
“I was never asked. But I’ve kind of already got a pack, which you are more than welcome to join.” You responded hopefully, wishing he’d agree but you knew he wouldn’t. As such a fresh beta he’d stay loyal to his alpha, but, you had to ask.
Isaac nodded his head sadly, “Scott McCall?” You let out a small laugh, at how quickly he’d caught on, “Yeah. He’s not exactly an alpha but he’s helped me out a lot, more than Derek has.”
“Derek told me that wolves are stronger as a pack, he didn’t say anything about vampires though.” Isaac went on, a confused lilt in his voice.
“I found out in Mystic Falls that vampires rarely belong to packs and by vampire nature I don’t need one, but Ric figures that it’s in my nature to want one since it’s all I’ve ever known.” You relayed the information to Isaac.
“Then why not, you know, join mine?” His lip was pulled between his teeth and he was looking at you with a hopeful expression.
“Isaac I just told you…” You said pleadingly, you didn’t want to upset him any further but you also couldn’t throw away the pack bond you’d built with Scott and Stiles when you’d first turned. If it was a matter of Isaac’s pack being made up of just Isaac there would’ve been no problems, it was the fact that it wasn’t Isaac’s pack but Derek’s.
Scratching what you’d decided about Derek earlier, you came to a new agreement with yourself: all of hell would freeze over before you even thought of easing up on Derek Hale.
Isaac threw his head back with a groan, “Come on, (N/n)! We are not going to let our love play out like Romeo and Juliet!” The way he spoke was humorous but it was obvious that he wasn’t really joking.
With a sigh you moved your shaking hands, that were now covered in scabbed over cuts as opposed to their previous status of raw and bleeding, to Isaac’s face. Your thumbs moved gently along his cheek bones as you took him in with an encouraging smile on your face as you told him confidently, “I refuse to let us become a modern day Romeo and Juliet, that’s not happening.”
You pulled him closer to you, slipping your arms around his shoulders and doing your best to ignore the butterflies rioting in your stomach when his arms wrapped tentatively around your waist.
You brought your lips to meet his briefly before fixing him with another determined look, “But listen to me, we might be loyal to different packs but I’m on your side, no matter what.”
Isaac nodded his head in understanding, “If it comes down to it, I’m always gonna choose you.” He responded honestly, arms tightening around you to hold you against his chest, his height causing his chin to be tilted downwards so that he could meet your eyes.
“I meant what I said to Derek, by the way.” You informed, Isaac’s eyebrows rose in confusion again, “If he mistreats you I’ll tear him apart.”
“Should I give Scott the same warning?” Isaac asked humorously and you had to shake your head in order to hold back a laugh.
It wasn’t until you’d separated from your embrace with Isaac that you took into account the fact that your body was now shaking with the cold.
“Come on, I’ve gotta call my dad and probably the sheriff and you’re freezing.” Isaac stated, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and leading you back to the cemetery where you noticed his overturned excavator and the dug up grave plot.
You listened with curiosity while Isaac spoke to his father on the phone, trying to explain exactly what had transpired in the last couple of hours since his shift started.
“How the hell does an excavator just flip over, Isaac?” You could hear his fathers anger through the line and Isaac fumbled for a response, “Someone, or something- I don’t know it could’ve been an animal, but it got pushed from the side and tipped over. I fell into the plot I was digging and that was it, I didn’t see the rest.” He explained weakly.
“You still stuck in hole, you idiot?” You watched as Isaac clenched his jaw and motioned to yourself when he was finally looking at you, “No. No, um, (Y/n) just got back from Virgina, she came looking for me and helped me out.”
“She still there?” His father questioned, seemingly cooling off at the mention of your name. You hated how much that man seemed to like you when he should’ve held that affection for his actual son.
“Yeah, she’s with me now.” Isaac confirmed and you offered up a fake cheerful, “Hi, Mr Lahey!”
“Invite her over while I call the sheriff and see about getting this mess cleaned up.” With that, he hung up the phone and Isaac sighed, “You’re starting to look like Mr. Freeze, let’s get you warmed up.” His arm stayed comfortably wrapped around your shoulder and as you reached up to hold his hand that was hanging over your shoulder you stopped dead in your tracks, “Isaac, I can’t go and greet your father looking like this.”
You motioned to your torn and bloodstained hoodie, immediately regretting it when his eyes widened in shock, “Did I… oh god (Y/n) did I do that?”
Not missing a beat you grabbed his hands and made sure you soothed his panic before you got a rerun of earlier.
“It’s not your fault. You’re new to this, okay? Mistakes happen and that’s fine it’s all part of the process. And look!-” You pulled off the hoodie to reveal your now completely healed arms and hands, nothing but dried blood to show that the claw marks were even there in the first place. “‘M all healed up! No harm done.” You reassured him, bringing his lips to yours to further convince him that you were okay and distract him from the guilt you could feel building within him.
Your arms, although no longer cut, were covered in goosebumps as Isaac ran his hands affectionately down the length of them. “It won’t happen again.” He promised and you gave him a shaky smile, teeth beginning to chatter, “Let’s go home?” Isaac nodded his head, nothing short of ripping his own hoodie off before pulling your arms through the sleeves and moving himself in front of you to zip it up.
You watched completely content as he fumbled with the zipper. His curls were falling in front of his eyes and his eyes were squinted in concentration. The quiet, but triumphant, “got it” he let out when he finally finessed the zipper had you grinning like a fool.
When he moved his focus from the zip and back to your face, he smiled bashfully, “What’re you looking at me like that for?”
The sleeves of his hoodie, that was miles too big for you, hung far past your wrists and brushed against the nape of his neck, your fingers finding a place tangled in his hair while you stared at him, grin ever present.
Your other hand was otherwise occupied being placed firmly against Isaac’s chest, enjoying the feeling of his rapidly beating heart, and you didn’t know it entirely. But in that moment it was beating for you and you alone.
Isaac’s hand made itself comfortable holding your waist, the other holding your own against his chest, keeping it in place.
Neither of you needed to say it. You could both feel it. But still, you found yourself uttering the words, “I love you.”
Not half a second had passed before Isaac echoed your declaration, “I love you.”
“I feel like if I kiss you right now I won’t be able to stop but I’m still freezing my ass off so… your place?”
Isaac nodded his head in agreement, “My place.”
*
Upon arrival at the Lahey residence, Mr. Lahey had greeted you with a wide smile and ushered you into the kitchen where he instructed Isaac to make you some tea, to which Isaac had to restrain a grumble as he’d been planning on doing it anyway.
Mr. Lahey was happily chatting away to you when Isaac set down two cups of tea, one in front of his father and one in front of you, his eyes lingering on you with a certain kind of glint before he turned back to the counter to grab his own cup and returning to sit beside you at the table.
Isaac was, in all honesty, losing it. He didn’t even know why. You were just sitting there, wrapped up in his hoodie, nose ever so slightly pink from the cold, talking politely to his father. It was nothing out of the ordinary but he was finding it hard to think about anything other than how his hoodie would look splayed on the floor of his bedroom.
He wasn’t very good at hiding it either, you could feel it as clear as day. Teenage boy hormones mixing with teenage werewolf hormones were causing havoc and it’d be a lie to say it wasn’t having an affect on you.
Trying to return your attention to whatever Mr.Lahey was babbling about you clearing your throat and took a sip of your tea, keeping your expression neutral as Isaac’s hand slipped to your knee under the table. His attempt to pull you into his mess of hormones was obviously successful as you found yourself ready to yell out in frustration when his hand stayed put on your knee for a solid twenty minutes before his father finally rose from the table.
“I’m going to check out the situation at the cemetery, you’re welcome to stay tonight, it’s pretty dangerous out there these days.” Mr. Lahey offered and you smiled innocently at him as he stood in the doorway, “I think I’ll take you up on that. Thank you.” The older man gave you a nod but said no more before walking out the front door.
“What the hell are you doing?” You finally burst when the front door clicked shut, whipping around to face Isaac.
“What?” He asked as if his hand didn’t start sliding further up your leg the second his father left the room.
You groaned, “Don’t ‘what?’ me when you’re about four centimetres from having your hand between my thighs!”
“Sorry.” He immediately retracted his hand, eyes wide as he realised how close his hand was to reaching the top of your thigh, “I, um, I didn’t mean to- I mean, I did mean to but i won’t do it again if you don’t want me to-“
“Isaac.” You cut him off, lip pulled between your teeth, “I want you to.” You declared and he let out a heavy sigh full of relief, “Thank God.” He muttered before he was pulling you up off the chair and right against his chest.
His lips immediately found yours and his hands were gripping your waist like there was no tomorrow.
At this point, the butterflies in your stomach were going absolutely bat shit feral when his lips began to trail past your lips, to your chin, then to the curve of your jaw. It was when his hand slipped deftly up your side to settle against your jaw that you realised just how much you’d been wanting this.
Isaac’s lips fell further to your neck and you couldn’t stop the hum of approval that escaped your mouth at the sensation of his soft lips sucking and licking at your pulse. “It this okay?” He asked in a mutter, the dainty and nervous nature of his voice contrasting greatly with the confidence and ferocity of his actions.
Your hands tugged gently at his hair to get him to meet you clouded eyes, when he looked at you you were sure that his eyes had flashed yellow, his breathing was getting heavy and you had an inkling that his lips on your neck was the most exciting thing that was going to happen between you tonight.
“It’s more than okay.” You told him with a dopey smile, letting out a laugh when he dived back into the crook of your neck, kissing your skin through a smile.
Despite your words your hands moved to his chest to push him away slightly, “But…” you started as Isaac threw his head back with a groan, “I think we should stop, and maybe revisit this after the full moon passes.”
After taking in a steadying breath Isaac nodded in agreement, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” His hand slipped into yours and he intertwined his fingers with yours, he spent a moment just looking at your linked hands with a fond smile and the look of achievement on his face. It was easy to tell, with the help of your empathic powers, that Isaac was proud of himself.
You yourself couldn’t quite pinpoint why he was feeling so prideful in the moment, but he knew. To be truthful he wasn’t just proud of himself, he was downright ecstatic. He’d been nothing more than your best friend since you were both eleven, and now, six years later he finally crossed the threshold from being your best friend to being your- well actually now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure what he is to you now.
A few hours passed before Isaac worked up the courage to ask the question that had formed in his mind after his make out session with you earlier.
The pair of you had since gotten comfortable in his bed, which was nothing particularly new. You laid on your side with your back to the bedroom door, Isaac was behind you, his chin tucked in between your shoulder and your neck with his arms around your torso holding you close to him.
“Can I ask you something?” His voice broke through the silence and you responded with a tired hum, adjusting his arm so you could snuggle closer and tried your best to stop yourself from falling asleep while he murmured softly in your ear.
“What are we?” He kept his eyes trained on the dark room ahead of him, his hand grabbing yours as you readjusted his arm and he absentmindedly began playing with your fingers, the action being successful in calming his nerves.
“What do you want us to be?” You asked sleepily in response, a small smile forming on your face as you heard his heartbeat speeding up.
Isaac let out a nervous breath against your neck and you held back a shudder at the feeling, “I was kind of thinking that all the kissing would make us a couple.” Letting out another sleepy hum, if it was even physically possible, you snuggled deeper into his hold. You sluggishly turned your head to place a light kiss against his cheek, “Then we’re a couple.”
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zmayadw · 4 years
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And the next one as promised :)
CALL OF THE RAVEN
PART 6
The day i got released form hospital finaly came. I was happy about it, taking a breath of fresh air will be a welcoming change after over three weeks in here. Some bruises wer still visable, and my head hurted from time to time, but other then that the doctor gave me a green light. And having too much free time makes your toughts wonder in wrong direction too much. Thinking about Jake was my daily routine, and i hoped once i get out other things will get me occupied. Jessy wanted me to stay with her, but i managed to persuade her that i'd be better of at the motel. She reluclantly agreed, but I argued that i would still be resting most of the time, and promised her we will see eachother every day, wich made her respect my decision a bit more. She called me that moring, telling Dan will come and drive me to the motel, because she was bussy planing a surprise for me. „Oh, Jessy, pleas dont go overboard, it is my first day out, i wont be up for much.“ I protested, but she quickly reasured me its nothing big. Knowing Jessy, i was sceptical about it, but she sounded so happy that i just agreed to whatever she had in plan. I was about done packing, when Doris came bringing me my dischrage papers. She gave them to me, embracing me in a tight hug „You be good now, hun. And remember what i told you before.“ She said, giving me one more of her winks. „Thank you, Doris.“ I replied, handig her a chocholate bombonier i asked Jessy to get me. „For everything.“ I hugged her once more. „No need to thank me, hun.“  „Ahh, Doris, im jelaous, i didnt get a hug from you when i was leaving the hospital.“ It was Dan, being dramatic again. I laughed, as Doris went for the door „Schmacks dont deserve hugs!“ she grinned at him, and left. „She likes me...she just wont admit it.“ Dan said, grining. „So,you ready to leave this shithole?“ „Definatly!“ i said, taking my discharge papers and putting them in my pack. Dan took it from me, and we left the room, taking the elevator down. Stepping outside was so refreshing, i stopped at the exit for a brief moment, wich made Dan turn „You allrigh there?“ „Im good, just appriciate being outside again.“ I smiled. We continued to the car. Dan opened the door for me, putted my stuff on the back seat, and we drove towards motel. I rolled the window down letting the cool morning air blow to my face and through my hair. The drive wouldnt last that long, and Dan informed me that Jessy booked the room for me already and took the rest of my stuff there, and my car also waiting for me at the motels parking. „Dan, whats Jessy planing for me today?“ i asked. „Oh, no,no, im keeping my mouth shut!“ he replied, but i groaned at him pleading „Please, Dan, at least give me a hint. I just got out of hospital, and to be honest, im not up for big fanfaras, but i dont want to dissapoint Jessy either. And lets be honest, its Jessy wer talking about here, nothing is small or meaningless with her.“ He laughed at that „Your right about that! Alright, ill tell you, but if she realize you knew something..“ „Dont worry, i can act being genuinely surprised with no problem.“ I asured him. „Well, its nothing much, rellay. We're taking you for dinner.“ he said. Ok, thats not so bad, i tought, i do have to eat. „And she invited the gang to Aurora this evening, to celebrate your release from hospital.“ Ugh, i hoped that wouldnt happen so soon, that i would at least have a day or so for me before seeing everyone. „Ah, crap, i guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.“ I said, adding „Later would be better, tho.“ „Dont worry, Maya, ill be there to rescue you, AGAIN.“ He grinned at me, and i grinned back „Good, because i just might need some rescuing, again.“
Dan left me at the motel, and i entered the small checkin office. The woman behind the counter was eldery, and she smiled at me „Good morning, miss, what can i do for you?“. „Morning'“ i replied, smiling back „I had a room booked for me by a friend, i guess you know her, Jessica Hawkins?“. She smiled more now „Ah, ofcourse, miss Cole i presume?“ i nooded in agreement. „Yes, Jessica brought all your belongings already. I would just ask for you to fill this, please.“ She handed me that check in paper you get at every motel. I filled it, and she gave me the key.“You're at room 11, its on your right once you leave the office. And i'm Ms. Walter, fell free to ask if you need anything.“ „Thanks, i will.“ I replied, taking the key.
The room looked cozy enough. It had a big bed, with a little nightstand next to it with a lamp on it. There was a midium size table in front of a big window, wich i immidiatly felt greatefull for, since some natural light is what i prefere for my drawing work, and a closet next to it. Across from the bed was a  TV, and a little refrigeratore under it. The bathroom was small, wich is more then enough. I left my stuff on the bed, when i noticed a note on the nightstand. 'The car key is in the nightstand drawer. Get some rest, and see you later! Xoxo' It was from Jessy, and that made me smile. I took the key and went to the car to get the rest of my stuff. The day was nice and sunny, and i tought i souldnt spend the whole day in the motel. I went back to the room, unpacked, grabed some clean clothes and went for a shower. When i got dressed i sat at te table and turned my laptop on. I checked my mails, and some job offers. Its good when you're a freelancer, you can work from anywhere, and I actually felt some work might keep me occupied and not let my mind wonder to Jake.  The tought of him leaving my hospital room  two weeks ago still pained me, but i cant sit here and despair all the time, so i decided to grab my drawing stuff and head exploring. I hoped Jessy wouldt mind me going to town alone, she did promise me a grand tour of it once im out of the hospital. I took my phone and texted her „Hey hey, setteled at the motel. Going for a walk arround, but dont worry, im still looking forward for my tour arround Duskwood with you! xoxo“. She replied soon „Oh, nice, have fun! Just stay out of woods! xD See you for dinner J „. Great, now i could leave without feeling any guilt. I grabbed my backpack and left the motel.
I decidet to walk towards the marketplace, i had plenty of time since it wasnt even noon yet, and Jessy and Dan wont pick me up before 19. I passed a small bakery on my way there, and bought me some food and a bottle of water. The streets leading towards marketplace wer small and narrow, mostly with older buildings and pretty quiet. After some 30-40 minutes of slow walk,  i emerged to the marketplace, and it was comepletly different. The crowd thickened, and the place hummed with life. In the center was a nice funtain, with benches in circle arround it. Few wer occupied with people: one had an eldery couple, just sitting there on the sun and talking, on the other wer two mothers, drinking coffee while kids wer running arround, giggling and enjoying a nice day. I sat on one of the free benches, and took my drawing pad out. The warmth of the sun felt nice, and i began drawing. I can get quite zoomed out of my surroundings when drawing, so when i finaly noticed someone was standing in front of me, i jumped, and my penciles flew all over the floor. I started to stan up from the bench, at the same time that someone started to bend down to help pick them up,our heads coliding. That sent me sitting back on the banch, as both of us groaned from the impact. „Auch.“ I flinched, looking at the person stnding there. It was Jake. „Sorry, i didnt mean to sneak up on you.“ he said, still rubbing his forehead. „No, no, its fine, i was really focused, i didnt see you there.“ I barely managed to say, my voice shakey, clumsely picking my penciles from the floor.He was the last person i expected to run into. I really wasnt ready for this, the knot in my stomach starting to form, as i finaly collected all the penciles and sat back on the bench. I knew we wer gonna run at each other eventualy, but not so soon. He sat next to me, and i could notice by his body language he was a bit nervouse, too. „You look better.“ he said after a moment of silence, giving me a small smile, wich made my heart skip from joy. „Thanks, i feel much better,too.“ I replied, smiling back. He was looking at me so tenderly, and the heat from the sun made me so hot, i had a feeling my cheeks wer red as a lobster. He run his hand through his hair, and all i could think is how much i wanna do that. His look became more serious now, his eyes becoming darker, but that tenderness was still present. „Maya..“ he started „That day at the hospital.. I didnt..I'm sorry..“ but i interupted him. „No need to appologise, Jake, really.“ And he really didnt have to. I continued, before he could say anything else. „Look, its like this: you had every right to act like you did, and even tho it wasnt easy for me to hear you say those stuff, you wer right, in a way.“ He looked me a bit confused. „You wer probably right, I didnt think quite hard about every possible thing that could go wrong, and God knows i had more luck then im willing to admit. But thats just who i am: i act, i go with the flow, i make mistakes. And i appologise when I realize I was wrong, wich I would do to you if you just stayed for a while more. And i mean appologise for not telling you, or anyone about my plan, not for what i did at the end, hence me saying that you wer right in a way.“ I looked at him, he was still calm, not a trace of that anger i saw at the hospital anywhere on his face. That made me relax a bit. „Maya, just let me...“ he started again, but i interputed him once more „Please, Jake, just let me finish, then you can say whatever you wnat.“ He nodded in agreement. „ I know saying 'sorry' at that time seemed so pointless, but you have to know that i really am sorry, Jake, a thousand times sorry. Yet, i still stand by what i said, i would do it all over again, no matter the qonsequences.“ I paused for a moment, before i continued „I really hope you can forgive me. I got so used at having you in my life, and for it to end here and now...“ He looked at me, but i couldnt bring myself to look back at him. I just stared at my hands, not realizing this whole time i was clasping them so tightly. „I hope you wont shut me out of your life comepletly.“ We sat there in silence for what seemed like eternity. I got my courage and looked at him. He was staring in the distance now. „I felt helpless.“ he said, looking back at me now. „It got me...scared.“ he confessed, and i ached to just hug him. I could see this was being hard for him, saying it. „I've had that happen once before in my life, and it didnt end well.“ His eyes became so sad. „I'm not sure im ready to go through it again.“ That knot at my stomach tightened as he said it, but i took a deep breath „I understand. I'v let you down, i know. But i hope with time, you will be able to trust me again..let me be your friend, at least.“ Friend...that word felt so wrong to me. I didnt want to be just his 'friend', i wanted to be more, so much more. But, i guess at the moment i would be happy with anything. He stared at me for a moment, and before he said it, a smile formed at the corner of his lips „One step at the time.“ „Thats all im asking.“ I said, smiling shyly. He sat there in silence for a brief moment before slowely getting up. „You're good, by the way.“ He said, and i looked at him puzzeled, wich made him smile. He had such a sincere and wonderfull smile. „Your drawing, its good.“ He continued, pointing at my drawing pad. „Oh, that, thanks!“ i replied. „I better be good, i doubt i'll get paid otherwise .“ i grinned. He shook his head at me smiling, walking slowely away from the bench „See you arround, Maya.“ „See you, Jake.“ Watching him walk away this time didnt leave me in pain and agony. I felt hope again. Maybe Doris and Jessy weren't talking nonsence, afterall, I tought, not realising i was grinning like crazy.
After Jake left, i just sat there, letting my heart stop beating insanely. I was really happy for how our unexpected meeting went, i tought there really was some hope for us again. Oh man, Jessy will go crazy when i tell her all about it, she will so rub me her ' i told you so's' in the face! That got me laughing out loud, a few passerbys looking at me like i was crazy. And they wer right, i was crazy! Crazy for Jake. Everything about him drow me crazy: his gorgeous eyes, that ruffeled hair, and that beautifull smile. He shoud definatly smile more, i tought, his whole face smiles when he does it. The churchbell chimmed five , and i cursed under my breath. I better head back to the motel, i need another shower for sure. I quickly grabbed my stuff from the bench, deciding to grab coffee before headiding back. My toughts wer still running wild about Jake as i was walking back towards motel, i colided with a man. I almost dropped my coffe, quickly appologizing. „Be carefull there, miss, you never know who you might bump into.“  He said, a bit grim, like he was makeing a threath. I looked at him a bit astonished „Uhm, i will mister, thanks for your advice. And, sorry again!“ I slowly turned and continued my way. Strange guy i tought, but didnt pay any more toughts about it continuing back to the motel.
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mousehole5000 · 4 years
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tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...
okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....
honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)
mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh
“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood
“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!
“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you
okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.
BOOK 4!!!! im scared
“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(
“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad
wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...
“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping
i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......
“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious
i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....
“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!
“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts
“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind
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but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....
“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol
“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad
oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day
“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all
god..... this is just... a sad time....
“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it
white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...
“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;
“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc
“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin
“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!
the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!
“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going
“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry
“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............
“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is
“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child
“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with
“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF
okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now
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mestos · 6 years
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BnS act 9 was perhaps the worst thing ncsoft did to jyansei/cricket and OOF im still feeling it. as if cricket hasn’t cried enough in the whole story (when master hong dies, when hajoon dies, when they see master hong in a flashback, when the old pupils bid them farewell, when ayona dies) this was too much oh my god!!! this was sthe worst
spoiler ramble undercut
alright ill try talk abt the act in chronological order so starting off, 1) why chundoon’s voice so deep lmao. in kr it was such a soft boy’s voice then in NA its like hansen from fgo where they gave him a 40 year old chainsmoker’s voice SLKGJSDKGH 
the other thing i liked tho from the start is the whole premonition thing where it ends with cricket’s death
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me, internally: why is it ALWAYS zaiwei
but anyway i loved how this led up to going into the backstreets of the hao bazaar and beating up some punks, leading up to this golden exchange with yunma fei. i laughed SO HARD
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empress: you were illegally street fighting in hao bazaar? cricket: (sweats) .....sorry empress: that’s cool i did too at one point
YUNMA FEI IS HONESTLY SO COOL. best empress (sorry ms cyg) 
anyway the whole exchange with yunma fei was pretty nice, because she lets you read a letter. cricket’s hesitation was so cute! i can imagine them being rlly flustered, and yunma fei just shaking their head like “dude you saved the continent like twice? why wouldn’t you have authority” sgksjdgh
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so the letter is basically dowager tayhu (her name was ak in kr? idk) passively aggressively asking for HM Hero to show up and yunma fei and cricket both almost agree to decline the invitation...till nuya shows up with news about ryu. then cricket does a complete 180 and is like “sorry. i have to go” which is kinda....omg....i get that u love your kids but its due to these impulsive decisions that lead to disaster!!! its why your efforts are erased in the end!! just decide to decline for once sweetie!!
even yunma fei tries her best to convince you, but you and her both know that there’s no stopping you once you made your mind to go somewhere. but yunma fei’s concern was nice enough, i love the friendship and bond you share with her-- she cares about you a lot, and so do you. other than the fact she is an empress, cricket is gentle with her too
anyway so you go to dasari palace, after a bit of a scuffle with an old captain who worked in the stratus empire, which led to a very pretty map as i posted briefly before. when u arrive at the banquet...everything is super suspicious lmao!! even from just stepping in you can feel that this was so set up to go against you. bns story rule of thumb: someone invites you to someplace, they’ll be after ur life. 
one thing tho is i love how cricket is so caring of their students,, when jinsoyun was feeling sick, they offered to be by her side the entire time and hold her hand..but of course, soyun can’t take the room and runs off. cricket chases after her but is stopped by the guards, and i find their frustration rlly cute sdjkgh
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then you meet the dowager and ryu! ryu, no memories ryu. who wasn’t hanging with ken after all LMFAO anyway he asks to spar with you and cricket is forced to act like this is the first time theyve met and u can feel the pain in their responses
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so sparring with ryu was easy enough. afterwards general hondu wrecks the party, then cricket decides to go rest. but of course, not before seeing their lovely darling daughter soyun! they decide to check up on them and their concern for their wellbeing was sweet (a lot more doting in kr but i digress lmao) 
afterwards, in typical blade and soul fashion, the minute u go into your resting room shit hits the fan and assassins, stratus soldiers, fiends all go after you and your pupils. after a frustrating (i’m a flame gunslinger! i don’t have any mobbing skills for crying outloud!) escort mission you meet choi jina, who i BARELY remembered but you meet her briefly at the start of act 2 and she helps you with the wraithbloom mess
she’s also pretty much jung hado genderbent but we won’t talk about that
with the help of choi jina cricket and fam go into a hidden chamber...a place they’ll be in for a while give or take LMAO. after some discussion, cricket decides “my amnesiac kid can’t be left in this shithole so i have to go back to him” (although in kr, cricket refuses but is eventually persuaded by bunyang) and choi jina and cricket go through....a fucking stealth mission, because after the murder of the minister (which was NOT cricket’s fault--they were just doing their job of eliminating demons) they become a wanted man! 
now, it wouldn’t be so bad if i had a functional laptop but i don’t so, that shit took me an entire hour and a half. i gave up at some point and just walked on the ground rather than roof to roof, because that is the WORST stealth mission in the entire game!! why!!! holy crap!!! i could rant over and over about the stealth mission but ill save that for twitter...
anyway after stealth mission, you knock out ryu, choi jina carries him, and back in the hidden chamber you go. ryu suddenly ~remembers~ all the fun times and tells you dowager tahyu’s planning a war! cricket, not finding it suspicious at all that ‘suddenly son remembers me? wow!’ is like ‘ok ok my boy, take me away, i gotta warn, yunma fei’ then they act like prisoner and shit and it was hilarious with lyn walking sprite cause you can’t walk in front of him HGJKG
ryu catches a spy - one of yunma fei’s - and after cricket writes their letter, they give it to senha and go. then there’s another escort mission! when you’re back with the fam, its a team effort to go to the great dragon pulse. and hell, i wouldve just made ryu do all the fighting cause my computer really hated that whole mission and i barely got through HA
anyway, shortly before the escort mission, bunyang and cricket have a small argument--bunyang is always so worried about their master, and cricket can’t do anything about it; it’s their job to do all these things, they can’t refuse because of the bigger picture. cricket promises to come back safely and they can be a family again, and in general the whole argument is really heartbreaking because HA. guess what happens after the escort mission
before i get to that, yunma fei actually arrives - alone, so no jung hado with her - shortly before shit hits the fan. she plops through the dragon pulse and it leads to some horrifying revelations. she said that cricket’s letter told her to come alone because they are sick and need help, and cricket says they never asked for that? and then its a mess because now yunma fei, talus empress, is alone and it’s all in the dowager’s plan. 
quickly running back to their students with the empress... but they were too late.
ryu betrayed them. and bunyang...
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pays the price.
as if to make matters worse, cricket really was ill, they had been poisoned shortly before and 
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collapses. 
they wake up in prison - goddamn! this is the third time i’ve woken up in jail! as if im not constantly falsely accused of crimes already! and witness an empress-to-empress showdown. yunma fei is really best empress. she sassed dowager tayhu hard LMAO
choi jina arrives and lets you and yunma fei out but cricket’s mind is in shambles because holy fuck!!!! my son just died!!! and unfortunately they cant find the time to mourn because 1) they’re in jail and they are breaking out like fugitives. the next segment is cricket and co. break outta jail to find the rest of their kids. 
when cricket does find them its so OUCH because their kids are obviously traumatized - especially bunah!!!!!!!! the flesh and blood sister of bunyang who just fucking DIED and really ... it was just too much,
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yunma fei tries her best consoling you but obviously cricket can’t think properly. but they don’t have time to be crying, because there’s too much on the line, so they swallow their feelings and keep moving. 
i’ll continue on a second post...
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oppapi-tae-blog · 7 years
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insomnium - 01/??
insomnium: dream, bad dream, vision, wakefulness
demon!yoongi vampire!taehyung
"don't underestimate us darling.. for we are the spawn of satan himself. ."
warnings: eventual smut
   *yoongi and tae will be speaking in latin for this first part ♥
this is for one of my bestest of friends Americus,, ily💕
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"What a pretty sight.." the eyes of the creature skim over my face and body. He speaks in a language I can't understand and calls out a name. His pitch black eyes travel to a figure behind him. "She's all yours. Have your drink."
Another man steps out, just as pale as the other and he smirks. "My pleasure." It comes out, almost hiss-like. He opens his mouth to reveal his fangs and runs his tongue over them.
I stand frozen, too scared to move. I try to open my mouth to speak, but it's almost like my body is no longer under my control. All I can do is stare.
The creature with the fangs comes over to me in the blink of an eye, arm wrapped around my waist, lips against my neck. My heart skips a beat due to fear. "Don't worry darling.. It'll only hurt the first 5 seconds," His voice sent shivers down my spine. "I promise." He smirks and pierces his teeth through my skin.
I wake up to a phone call in a cold sweat. I glance around the room and find myself in the same place I always find myself after that same exact dream.. on the floor, huddled up in a ball-like form. I reach up to my neck to make sure it's okay and I let out a breath of relief when I feel no marks.
The breaths I take are sharp and short-lived. I sit up slowly and grab my phone and answer. I take a deep breath and try to forget the dream.
"What the fuck?" I make a face of disgust and push my bestfriend, Emily, away from me. "What?" Emily laughs. "They're good I swear! Just try it! C'mon Liz, they don't look that bad. They're good brownies!"
"This is what you called me at 3am for? Emily, it looks like actual dog shit, why would you ask me to try this? I thought someone was dying." I shake my head and turn to walk away. "I'm going home, I'm tired."
She called me and told me that there was an emergency and that someone was going to die. Being a good bestfriend that I am, I got out of bed, at 3am to be exact, and came over. If it was any other person, I would've told them to fuck off and deal with it themselves, I'm not in the mood to save lives right now, sorry.
It's not really a problem that she called at 3am, because it wasn't like I was sleeping anyways, just taking a nap. I was fine with that, but what ruined it was her shoving her plate of dog shit in front of my face as soon as I walked in.
"But I need to make sure they actually taste good by tomorrow or my boss will fire me," Emily frowns. "Pleaassee?"
"No, goodbye. Ask your, so handsome boyfriend, Hoseok, to try them, I'm sure he'll lie and say they taste good to make you feel better." I smile and wave goodbye. She waves back, still frowning. "Love you, Emily." I blow a sarcastic kiss that she responds with a flipped finger and many, many "naughty" words, ready to spill out.
"Thanks for nothing!" She yells out and I laugh.
She shuts the door and I walk to my car to go home.
Once I'm in my house, I immediately feel a strange air around me. If I were feeling like my normal self, I would freak out and leave that house and call the Ghostbusters, but for some reason my mind decides to convince me that it's nothing and I go upstairs to get my laptop from my room.
entry #26 To say I'm an asshole is an understatement. Assholes are dirty, smelly, unpleasant, disgusting, and weirdly shaped? I consider myself more like.. a sarcastic-toe. Here's why: I don't take things seriously, which tends to make the sarcastic side to myself come out regularly, (I know when to make a joke and how to be serious when I need to) and toe because.. nobody likes them. They're kinda just there to keep you balanced, but they're ugly. They're also almost always covered by socks and shoes. You don't see them much, but they're there. Get it?
It's weird to compare myself to a toe and I'm pretty sure nobody calls themselves one. Especially a sarcastic one.
Of course, people use it to insult themselves, I do too. Anyone could. But I bet you can't tell me anybody who has described themselves the way I just did with a toe.
Can you?
After I'm done typing I get a text from my friend Jungkook.
up for an early morning ghost hunt? ;)) - 4:07am
wtf jk go to sleep im not abt to get possessed at 4am - 4:08am
thanks tho - 4:08am
u wont get possessed i promise - 4:09am
i have the equipment to save u if u do anyways - 4:09am
no. - 4:10am
:( - 4:10am
Jungkook was always really weird and liked to chase demons down, even after I told them they didn't exist. I told him this up until I started having those dreams. Now, I'm not so sure.
I go onto Youtube to kill time, and watch Degrassi. I grab my headphones and I'm about to put them in until I hear a glass breaking in my kitchen.
I groan and frown. "Rivada, what the FUCK are you doing?"
I wait a couple of seconds until I get a reply.
"I was thirsty!" She yells back.
Rivada is the girl I've lived with for 6 months in this house. She's one of the most understanding, loving, kind person I've ever met. But, she's also extremely dumb and slow. Of course, this doesn't make me love her any less.
I mumble, "Dumbass."
"I can hear you Liz." She walks in and plops herself beside me and takes an earbud.
I blink at her.
"What are you doing? I'm about to watch Degrassi, go back to your room. "
"No, the fuck, you're not my mom or my dad. I'm gonna watch with you." She smiles and puts the earbud in. "Fine. Just don't ask questions or say anything while we watch ,you know I hate that. Also, JK texted me a little while ago."
"He texted me too. He said he was going to go to this ugly ass cemetery and asked if I wanted to go, but I said nah because last time I did something like that with him I almost lost a finger so."
I nod. "He asked me if I wanted to go too, butI just didn't feel like getting possessed tonight."
She laughs. "He wouldn't let you get posses-"
Three obnoxiously loud knocks cut her short and I groan. "It's literally 4am, why is everyone up right now." I get up and go to the door.
"Who is it and what do you want?" I raised my head up to look through the hole thing, but saw nothing.
"Assholes." I turn and start walking back until I hear another knock. "I swear to fucking Gobble if they knock again I'm kicking somones crotch."
I put my hand on the knob and I yell, "Go away."
Again, three knocks. That's it. I yank the door open, yet there's no one. I poke my head out and look both ways. My eyes drift to my drive way and I see two people. I squint to see better.
No, no, no. Fuck this shit. I shut the door and lock everything. I press against the door then I jog over to the living room. "Rivada? Where are you?" I look over to the couch, and she's suddenly not there.
Okay..
I make my way over to the kitchen. Not here either. "Stop. Don't play games with me right now, Rivada it's not funny, you know I get scared easily around this time." I start to freak out when she's not in the kitchen.
I check on all the bathrooms to see if the light is on. The one in my room is on and I go to knock and see if she's in there.
"Rivada? You in there?" No one answers and I let my hand travel to the door knob and I open it. My mirror is broken and the water is on in the sink. My heart rate picks up and I run out of the room to hers.
I'm shaking as I go up to her door and I slam it open.
She's laying over her bed, not breathing. I walk over to her and shake her. No response.
"Haha, so funny, Rivada. You can stop pretending now." I speak half jokingly and half not-so jokingly.
She takes in a sharp, long breath. "Oh thank God you were only kidding." I laugh. "C'mon, we have to go though, there's people outside who I really don't trust."
Her eyes are still closed, but she giggles. "I'm being serious, we NEED to go."
"No.. we stay." Her eyes snap open and they're entirely black.
My breath gets caught in my throat. I push away from her as fast as I can. I glance over at her window that has the perfect view of the driveway and I see no one.
She slowly starts sitting up and I step away. "Liz, you know I wouldn't hurt you, why do you walk away so suddenly?" Her voice and dialect change. She speaks as if she was born thousands of years ago.
My blood runs cold and the color from my body drains.
Her body starts changing in size and it deforms and becomes one of the men I fear most. "Please wake up. Wake up." I tell myself. "Stop. Whoever you are. Leave me alone. I just want to leave." I step back until I find myself pressed against another body.
"Why leave so early darling? We just got here.. why don't you treat us?"
AYYE I FINALLY POSTED IT IM SORRY AMERICUS I LOVE YOU
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sadrien · 7 years
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prince of cats
chapter five: to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss
on ao3 || on ffnet 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 
hey everyone, how was your week!
posting wise, we've passed the halfway point of what i currently have written (i have through ch9 written at the moment). i'll hopefully write most of the rest of the fic in august, just at the moment my productivity writing wise is down because i've been drawing a lot and listening to taz!
enjoy!
From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess      just letting u kno that i hate my boyfriend
From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful      Thats a lie and you know it      Whats he making you do
From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess      >:(      hes making us go out to dinner with his moms
From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful      Oh THIS dinner
From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess      yup
From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful      First of all I talked to Nino about it last time you brought it up and its just a normal dinner      His moms just want to spend time with you two From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess      ur sure From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful      Absolutely      Alya you love Ninos moms      Theyve basically adopted you
From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess      ur right      im just tired      ninos really excited so i was worried im missing something or am gonna be surprised by something
From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful      As far as I can tell its just a normal dinner      No surprises just Nino being Nino      And the answer is to take a nap when you get home from work      Did you not sleep much last night?
From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess      nah i was working on a project      until like 3 cause i hate myself      nino had to drag me to bed
From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful      Thank god for Nino
From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess      yeah he haaated me last night      speaking of cute boys tho
From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful      Alya oh my god
From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess      im sorry uve been friends w adrien for how long now??      3 weeks??? more than a month?? literal years!?!!?!??!?!      u talk about him all the time when r we gonna meet him
From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful      Eventually!!!!!      I promise I just dont want you scaring him away
From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess      nino and i r great we dont scare ppl
From: fashion goddess To: the Most Beautiful      uh huh
From: the Most Beautiful To: fashion goddess      shut up      also get me his last name
✦ ✦ ✦
Marinette puts down her sketch book. “Let’s go to the store.”
Adrien looks up from his laptop in surprise. “What?”
She’s gotten used to weekends with Adrien. He doesn’t expect her to look nice or even all that presentable, and she doesn’t expect him to, they just sit on the couch or in the kitchen and do their own thing. Adrien usually works, because he literally never stops working, and Marinette designs. She forces him to watch her favorite shows with her, even if it means that she has to explain to him who every single character is and the entire plot. In return, he’s managed to get her to watch some of his favorite movies. He randomly shows up throughout the week if he needs something from her kitchen because he always seems to be short something. Marinette is genuinely considering giving him a key to her apartment. Even if it’s just so he can steal from her fridge and cabinets.
“The store.” She pulls her hair up into a messy bun and grabs her purse off the back of her chair.
Adrien stares at her like she’s grown another head.
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want, but if you need anything, you should.” She gestures toward the door.
“What do you need?” he asks, apparently having found his voice.
“Fabric,” she says, ticking things off on her fingers, “some thread, ribbon, watercolor paper, brush markers if they have any, and pizza.”
He laughs and runs his hands through his hair. “I do like pizza.”
Marinette picks up her keys. “So are you coming? Because if you aren’t I should probably kick you out.”
“What?” Adrien asks as he stands. “You don’t trust me?”
“You might steal my Jagged Stone poster,” she says with a shrug of her shoulder.
“Fair enough.” He pulls on his coat. “Show me the way.”
✦ ✦ ✦
Marinette opts to walk to most of the stores. She asks Adrien if he minds and he just shakes his head and pulls his phone out of his pocket, sending a few quick texts as they make their way down the stairs and out of the apartment building.
“Where are we going exactly?” Adrien asks, pulling the door open.
“Fabric store first,” Marinette says, stuffing her phone into her purse.
He raises an eyebrow. “Don’t you have fabric at work?”
“Yes, but you’re missing the point— turn here. I don’t have fabric at home. At work, I do stuff for the head designer and my boss. I have much more creative freedom when I’m at home.”
“Huh.” Adrien flips his phone over in his hand. “Interesting. I know nothing about fashion so…”
Marinette smiles. “I sort of figured.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know much about how any sort of normal jobs work. I’ve got it relatively easy.”
“Working from your apartment and living off of take out?” she asks innocently.
Adrien rolls his eyes. “Yes exactly.”
Marinette elbows him lightly. “You’re very lucky you have me to teach you how to bake.”
It’s a nice day, not too hot and not too cold, without too many people walking around the streets. She finds herself wishing that she had more free time to spend outside, that she still had a balcony like she did when she was growing up. She misses having time to herself, where she could garden and sit outside and sew. It’s too nice to be stuck inside all the time.
Adrien accuses her of taking the long way and she doesn’t defend herself.
She holds the door open for Adrien when they get to the store, letting the far too cold airconditioning billow out onto the sidewalk.
Adrien wanders around in a sort of daze as Marinette pulls out her sketchbook and meticulously looks for the exact shade of blue that she needs.
“You needed ribbon?” Adrien asks, suddenly popping out of nowhere.
Marinette squeaks and jumps back with a start, dropping her sketchbook in surprise.
“Sorry about that,” he says sheepishly before bending over to pick up her sketchbook. He hands it back to her, rubbing the back of his neck. “Didn’t mean to frighten you.”
She takes a few deep breaths before taking the sketchbook from him. “It’s fine, you just surprised me. Easy to do when I’m concentrating.”
“What are you looking for?” Adrien asks, leaning closer, tilting his head to look at the page she has her sketchbook flipped open to.
“A blue,” Marinette murmurs, pointing to a swatch of fabric she stole from work and taped onto the page. “I mean obviously I have a type of fabric in my mind, I’m just really desperate for this shade of blue because—” Well…she doesn’t actually have a reason. She’s just attached. And that’s silly.
Adrien hums to himself. “Okay,” he says after a moment. And then he vanishes into another aisle.  
Marinette stares at the space he was occupying for a long moment before shrugging and moving on. She decides she’ll find the blue later and starts looking for white lining. She pulls a bolt from the shelf, feeling the fabric between her fingers. It’s a little heavier than she would like, but if she can’t find anything else, she can make it work.
Adrien steps out from around the corner. “Would this work?” he asks, holding out a bolt of blue fabric.
Marinette blinks and takes it from him, running her fingers over the satin-like fabric. “This is…this is perfect, actually.”
He shrugs and puts his hands in his pockets. “I have a lot of experience with lots of types of fabrics.” He ignores the confused look Marinette gives him. She has questions, but mostly she’s just glad she doesn’t have to rethink the entire color scheme of this outfit.
Adrien watches over her shoulder as she chooses ribbon and nods as she rambles on about what she’s making. He doesn’t look like he understands what she’s saying to him, but he’s listening and that’s enough.
Marinette estimates how much fabric she needs and Adrien hums to himself as they get the fabric cut and check out.
“What did you think?” Marinette asks as he pushes the door open for her.
Adrien blinks in the bright sunlight and glances down the street before looking back to Marinette. “It was nice,” he says. “Overwhelming, but strangely calming.”
Marinette laughs. “That sounds about right.”
“Where to next?” Adrien asks with a tilt of his head.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Know anything about art?” Marinette asks as she pulls open the door to the art store.
“Hardly,” Adrien says with a crooked smile. “I don’t know anything about most creative things. I know music and that’s kind of where my creative talents end.”
“Music?” Marinette asks. He’s never mentioned anything about music before, though he hasn’t mentioned many hobbies or talents in general.
“Piano,” he specifies. “Took lessons for years, my parents insisted.”
Marinette leads him toward the markers and paints. “So you must be pretty good, huh?”
“Eh.” He shrugs. “Nowhere as good as my father would like me to be, but I’m passable.”
She rolls her eyes. “So that means you’re fantastic.”
“It really doesn’t,” Adrien says with a laugh. “But thanks for your faith in me.”
Marinette studies the brush markers, trying to decide what brand to get and how much money she’s willing to shell out today. Adrien amuses himself by uncapping some of the markers and trying out the testing markers while she Googles reviews on the internet. He’s flipping through an anatomy book when she decides on a set of markers and moves on to paper. She’s running low.
Marinette wanders further down the aisle where the sketchbooks and papers are. She feels someone’s eyes on her, but when she looks up, she sees a worker at the entrance. Marinette picks up a pack of watercolor paper and hums to herself. She still isn’t sure if she likes this paper, but she has very few options she can afford.
Adrien holds up a copic marker. “Why is this seven euros?”
She blinks at him. “Because it is?”
He squints at it. “It’s just a marker?”
“It’s a copic marker,” she says, like that will explain everything. Judging by the expression on his face, it doesn’t help at all. Marinette takes the marker from him and puts it back with the others. “It’s alcohol based and fancy, that’s why it’s expensive.”
Adrien looks at the case of copics in wonder. “Why would you spend so much on a marker?”
“I don’t know,” Marinette says. Adrien raises his eyebrows and she just shrugs. “I don’t usually use them. I don’t need nice markers and I don’t exactly have a lot of money to be spending on things I don’t need.”
“Fair enough,” he murmurs. He narrows his eyes at the copic. “That better be one magical marker if I’m paying seven euros for it.”
Marinette snorts. “Lucky for you, you’re not.”
Adrien gives her a lopsided smile. “Yeah, that’s true. I’m no Picasso. I think the best I can do is a stick figure.”
She elbows him lightly. “I’m sure you draw beautiful stick figures.”
Adrien laughs and for that moment, Marinette’s world gets a little brighter and her heart starts to sing.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Have you ever had pizza here?” Marinette asks as her and Adrien wait in line to order.
“Mostly I just get whatever will deliver,” he admits.
“You don’t leave the apartment much, do you?” she teases.
Adrien rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t usually need to.”
“Do you know what you want or do you just want the same as me?”
“Let’s go with the latter.”
Marinette orders her usual and pays before Adrien can offer, rejecting it when it does come. “My treat,” she says with a smile.
They sit in a booth by the window with their pizza and bags.
“Careful, it’s hot—” Marinette warns, just as Adrien burns his tongue.
“Ahhhh—” He sticks his tongue out and makes a pained expression.
She hides her smile behind her slice, but Adrien catches it and glares at her. She just shrugs. “I tried to warn you.” As she picks up her slice, someone catches her eye.
They’re watching her and Adrien out of the corner of their eye. They make eye contact with her and quickly go back to whatever they were doing on their phone. Adrien hisses in pain, bringing Marinette’s attention back to their table. “That was a mistake.”
Marinette opens her mouth to reply. The strange feeling of someone’s eyes on her passes through her and makes her freeze up and she looks back to the person who was watching them. They’re packing up their things and heading out the door.
“What is it?” Adrien asks.
Marinette shakes her head. “Sorry, I thought I saw someone I knew. I was wrong.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Been there, done that. I’ve walked up to people thinking I knew them before. I did not.” She winces. “It was incredibly embarrassing.”
“I can imagine,” she says, taking a careful bite of her pizza.
Adrien eyes her. “Am I going to burn my face off this time?”
Marinette snorts and lowers her slice. “I think you’re okay now.”
“If I die, my blood is on your hands,” he says seriously.
She rolls her eyes. “Pizza isn’t going to kill you, I promise.”  
✦ ✦ ✦
Adrien trails behind Marinette on the stairs, writing a quick email and carrying one of her bags.
“Come in for a minute?” Marinette asks as she pulls out her keys.
“Hm?” Adrien asks. He glances up from his phone. “Oh! Oh yeah, sure. I left my laptop on your table, anyway.”
She shakes her head as she unlocks her apartment. “You have to have more of your stuff at my apartment than your own.”
“It’s called minimalism,” Adrien says seriously.
Marinette frowns as the door swings open. She glances over her shoulder to Adrien. “I didn’t leave the TV on, did I?”
Adrien shakes his head. “We didn’t have it—”
“Hey!” Alya shouts from the couch.
“—on…” He trails off and hangs back by the door.
Marinette rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry, it’s one of my friends. Trust me, I regret letting her have a key to this place,” she stage whispers. She shuts the door once Adrien has stepped inside after a bit of hesitation. She leaves her bags on the table before joining Alya, and apparently Nino, in front of the TV.
Nino pauses whatever show they’re watching and returns to the Netflix home screen.
Marinette crosses her arms and leans over the back of the couch. “Why are you in my house?”
“Apartment,” Nino corrects lightly.
Adrien snorts from where he’s standing awkwardly in the kitchen. He puts Marinette’s bags down on the counter and closes his laptop before holding it to his chest.
“I’ve got a present,” Alya sings, holding up a box.
Marinette rolls her eyes. “Is this payment for breaking and entering?”
“It’s not breaking if you have the key,” Nino points out. He continues to flip through Netflix. “Can’t argue the entering though.”
Alya smiles brightly at Adrien, but Marinette doesn’t miss the way Alya’s eyes sweep over him, taking in as many details as she can. “Hey, stranger!”
Adrien lifts a hand awkwardly, still hanging back by the door.
Nino leans back and nods at Adrien. “Yo, join the party.”
“I should—” Adrien gestures to the door.
Alya jumps up from the couch and hops of the back. She grabs Marinette’s arm as she breezes by, dragging her over to Adrien.
“Alya,” Marinette hisses, attempting to dig her heels into the ground as Alya pulls her along.
“I’m Alya!” she announces, holding out her hand to Adrien. “Marinette’s best friend.”
Adrien hesitates for a long moment before he shakes Alya’s hand. “Adrien. Marinette’s…” his gaze slides to Marinette before snapping back to Alya. “Her neighbor.”
Marinette tries to keep her blush from burning too brightly.
Alya shakes his hand eagerly. “Great to meet you!”
“Nino!” he shouts from the couch. “But I was working all day and I’m tired so sorry, dude, I’m staying put.”  
“It’s fine,” Adrien promises. “I really should be getting back. Plagg needs to be fed.”
Marinette nods and pulls away from Alya. “Yeah, of course! Let me just— I’ll show you out.” Alya puts the box into Marinette’s hands winks. Marinette gives her a little shove toward the couch as Adrien pulls open the door.
“You didn’t have to show me out,” Adrien insists as Marinette quickly closes the door once they’re in the hallway. She leans against it so Alya can’t look out the peephole. “I’m sure I won’t get lost on the way home.” He gives her a small smile.
“I wanted the chance to apologize for…them.” Marinette waves at the door behind her. “Mostly Alya, but both of them. They can be a lot.”
“They seem nice,” Adrien says, and Marinette still can’t read him well enough to know if he’s being sincere or not. “What did they get you?” He gestures to the box Marinette is awkwardly holding.
“Pastries. They’re from my parents’ bakery,” Marinette says quickly. “Tom and Sabine’s— they’re my parents. That’s me, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, daughter of Tom and Sabine.” She swallows and glances down at her feet. That was a little too much rambling.
“Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” Adrien repeats softly. “You have a beautiful name.” He’s smiling when Marinette looks up at him.
She bites her lip. “Th-thank you. What about you, what’s your last name?”
“Kersey,” Adrien says, the corner of his mouth lifting in a small smirk. “Adrien Kersey.”
“A nice name,” Marinette says, running it over in her mind. Alya will kill her if she forgets it, but Marinette is fairly certain it’s burned into her brain forever.
“Thanks, my parents chose it,” Adrien jokes. “I’m just stuck with it.” He pushes open his door. “You’ll have to take me to your parents’ bakery sometime. I bet it’s great.”
“Sounds good,” Marinette murmurs as Adrien lifts a hand and disappears into his apartment. When the door clicks shut behind him, she sags against her own door and lets out a sigh.
She really doesn’t know how to handle this boy.
Alya and Nino are staring at her when she reenters the apartment. Marinette feels her face burn as she closes and locks the door.
“Not a word,” she says, putting the box from the bakery down on the kitchen counter.
Nino mimes zipping his lips shut.
“No words?” Alya asks. “Are you sure? Because I have so many words.”
“Yeah, he’s hot,” Nino says.
Marinette glares at him. “Thanks for not saying anything.”
“Alright, now that we are saying things,” Alya says, twisting around on the couch, “where were you? You don’t leave the house without us.”
“I leave the house!” Marinette protests.
Nino raises his eyebrows. “To have fun?”
Marinette turns away to put her keys back.
“Oooo,” Alya drawls. “Silent treatment.”
“It wasn’t fun, anyway,” Marinette says. “I had errands to run.”
“That you decided to run with a cute boy,” Alya points out.
“That sounds like fun to me,” Nino muses.
Marinette glances over her shoulder at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be on my side here?”
Alya gives her an offended look. “I’m his girlfriend.”
“I’ve known him longer.”
“Touché, Dupain-Cheng,” she says, narrowing her eyes.
Marinette sighs. “Speaking of last names…”
“You got it!” Alya shouts, jumping up from the couch. Nino tries to shush her, and she grabs a pillow and covers his face with it. “Tell me tell me tell me— I want to Facebook stalk him.”
Nino pulls the pillow away. “Who uses Facebook anymore?”
Alya turns to Marinette with wide eyes. “Is he secretly a wine mom?”
Marinette stares at her for a long moment. “Why are we friends.”
Alya throws the pillow across the room.
Marinette bats it away and says, “If you want Adrien’s last name, maybe you shouldn’t be throwing things at me.”
“She has a point, babe,” Nino agrees.
Alya sticks her tongue out at him before patting the cushion next to her eagerly. “Come on, Mar! I’ve waited a literal month for this.”
“Hm…” Marinette taps a finger against her lips. “Maybe I should keep you waiting.”
“Marinette!”
“Fine!” She drops down between Alya and the arm of the couch. “His last name is Kersey.”
Alya yanks her phone out of her pocket and starts typing rapidly.
Nino leans forward to look Marinette in the eye. “How long do you think she’s going to be at this?”
“A long time,” Marinette admits.
“Wanna see what Disney movies are on Netflix?” he asks, picking the remote back up. “We put some takeout in your fridge for later tonight.”
“Sounds good to me,” Marinette says. “I need to do a lot of nothing before work tomorrow.”
Nino types in Disney and starts scrolling through the results. “Are Zoé and Dorian still arguing about that thing?”
“If you’re talking about that jacket thing from a few weeks ago, they’re over that. If you’re talking about fake leather, they spent like an hour ‘debating’ that on Friday.”
“Fake leather,” Nino says in wonder. “Why were they debating that? I thought this collection was all like…dresses and stuff. Flowy soft things. What does fake leather have to do with that?”
“Nothing.”
Nino stops clicking through movies for a second. “I don’t understand you people.”
Marinette sighs and sinks against the back of the couch, pulling a pillow to her chest. “Neither do I,” she murmurs.
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lesbiansforandrew · 7 years
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Ok so @pinkislouder, @loveloveolivia and @teamnouis tagged me in this and i love you all very much ♥️ (I'm doing this on my phone bc obviously my laptop just died rip so sorry if it looks shit) Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag! THE LAST… 
1. Drink: fanta i think, i didnt want to but there was nothing else 2. Phone call: at work probably but thats boring so i think it was floor yesterday 3. Text message: the niall larries gc about elk her drama its hilarious 4. Song you listened to: cold (sak noel remix) - maroon 5 5. Time you cried: Lmao last night, when i had this one hour breakdown. It was ugly HAVE YOU EVER… 
6. Dated someone twice: I have never dated in my LIFE 7. Been cheated on: gonna take the same answer as amber, my friends yes 8. Kissed someone and regretted it: more like not kissing someone and regretting it 9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed: ha, very much 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: enough times for sure LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: 12. soft pink 13. dark green 14. bordeaux red IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 
15. Made new friends: definitely online and outside of the interwebs 16. Fallen out of love: cant say i've ever been in love so, no 17. Laughed until you cried: too many times to count 18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh :) enough times :) 19. Met someone who changed you: i guess, but in a good way 20. Found out who your true friends are: definitely 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yup for sure 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: like 95% 23. Do you have any pets: not anymore :( i have cacti now :) 24. Do you want to change your name: nah i'm the only female cornetto in this family and will stay that way until i die 25. What did you do for your last birthday: basically same story as amber, went to our favorite bar, got free shots from our favorite bartender, got shitfaced, oh and in the morning floor was there and we hung around with my family 26. What time did you wake up: 5:15am bc work rip 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: probably reading fic and telling myself to go the heck to sleep 28. Name something you cannot wait for: to meet @rogueandeskimo and see harry tbh 29. When was the last time you saw your mother: uhhh i think its been 3 weeks already idk 30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Move the fuck out and get myself away from this toxic ass family 31. What are you listening to right now: my neighbours outside, its amusing 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I actually had a crush on a boy named tom when i was like 6/7 didnt work out, LUCKILY 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the fact that my laptop jUST DIED and like lets not go deeper into this 34. Most visited website: Tumblr and twitter, a surprise 35. Elementary: it was good, it was weird but a good kind, very carefree 36. High School: the best and worst time of my life, no exaggeration 37. College/university: college was good, learned a lot about myself very important 38. Hair colour: orange, ginger whatever you wanna call it nowadays 39. Long or short hair: shoulder length 40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes if niall counts 41. What do you like about yourself: Not much atm but i guess i kinda look ok sometimes and i can be funny at the right moment 42. Piercings: nope 43. Blood type: wouldnt know if my life depended on it (ha medical jokes) 44. Nickname: my last name, cornetto, ams, am, ginger, theres more on this list 45. Relationship status: couldnt be more single 46. Zodiac sign: capricorn 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favourite TV show: gilmore girls, grey's anatomy, orphan black, friends, jessica jones 49. Tattoos: none yet 50. Right or left hand: right FIRST… 
51. Surgery: never had one, did break a lot of bones tho so i walked around with a cast every other 6 weeks 52. Piercing: none 54. Sport: Handball, did it for atleast 7/8 years before i quit, still love that sport to bits. Loved swimming also, was very good at it but like never did competitions 55. Vacation: my parents took me somewhere to germany as i remember but i also remember going to disneyland paris bc my aunt and uncle just got married and i was their braidsmaid at the age of 4 i dont remember which one happend first 56. Pair of trainers: probably some vintage ass shoes my mom found, they were red tho i think 57. Eating: my dinner, it was a salad. My brother left me some chocolate tho so i'll probably eat that in a bit bc well i had a salad for dinner what do you expect 58. Drinking: nothing 59. I’m about to: sleep probably 60. Listening to: not sure yet, maybe harrys album maybe mitam maybe my summer playlist 61. Waiting for: good things to finally fucking happen 62. Want: to be in greece right now thank 63. Get married: Maybe one day, if i find the right person 64. Career: all i've been thinking since dropping out is how much i want to have my own b&b somewhere on the countryside in england, beautiful perfect YOUR TYPE… 
65. Hugs or kisses: I havent kissed anyone in ages jesus but i'm also a very big cuddler, no one really knows this about me i guess but i love it so i'm gonna say hugs 66. Lips or eyes: Lips fascinate me IM SORRY I KNOW ITS WEIRD dont ask lets move on 67. Shorter or taller: shorter but i dont mind anyone having the same hight as me, i dont even mind anyone taller but that doesnt happen much anyway 68. Older or younger: i prefer older but doesnt matter much actually 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: this is a stupid question it doesnt fucking matter 71. Sensitive or loud: loud for sure, love what amber said. Give me someone like louis 72. Hook up or relationship: atm i dont care but i'm definitely a relationship person 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker, bc i can be quite hesitant eventho im very adventurous HAVE YOU EVER… 
74. Kissed a stranger?: i .. have not 75. Drank hard liquor?: sure enough 76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: only a couple sunglasses 77. Turned someone down: godsjs enough times 78. Sex on first date: not sure if you can count it a date and we already knew eachother for years but anyway yes 79. Broken someone’s heart: idk probably 80. Had your heart broken: ohhh yeah 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: yes 83. Fallen for a friend: hahahah :) DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 
84. Yourself: I'm trying my friends 85. Miracles: I'm not sure i believe in miracles i do believe that some things happen because thats how they were supposed to be 86. Love at first sight: I dont, as amber said attraction at first sight, yes definitely 87. Santa Claus: Uh duhh, havent you watched his movies?! He's out there 88. Kiss on the first date: how can you not believe in this???? I believe in this the MOST 89. Angels: harry and louis literally exist how the FUCK can you not believe in angels OTHER… 
90. Current best friend’s name: (i HATE US but same as amber AGAIN) i dont call one person my bestfriend anymore, i have a small circle of bestfriends 91. Eye colour: green/greyish i guess 92. Favourite movie: 10 things i hate about you, clueless, the batman trilogy, catws Soooooo this took me longer than i planned, anyway lets tag @hunkyniall @yslsaint @givelarryachonce @actualhumansunshine @nowayoutalongwaydown @iicfhome @celestineal @bananasnouis @loveableirishman @peppyniall @bus1pride i want to get to know y'all, if you dont want to do this trust me i get it dont worry xxx
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(1/#) Hi hon, I know I keep bothering you because I asked before, but I just want to ask someone, anyone. Does he like me? I'll start from the very beginning. We met two years(?) ago, he's a year older but we had the same class-Art. at first, I don't think we ever caught each other's eye. He was just someone, who i shared the same last name with. And at the time, he had this girl he was "seeing" & she's much waaay prettier and smarter. But then later on, my friend, close friend, had saw him.
(2/#) They never actually met, but she asked me who he was and I told him, and she said that he was cute. & then me and my other friends decided “Lets hook them up.” At the time, I ddin’t like him, I didn’t even know him. I didn’t know he had a girl at the time tho. But then, we started talking, like skype groupchats or a skype call once. & at first I was just like “Hey he’s pretty funny & cool.” But the more I began to talk to him, the more I ddin’t realize, that I was slowly falling too.I mean I kept avoiding it, especially after summer bc I felt guilty as hell. Like how did I allow myself to fall for him? But I brushed it aside, thinking it was just a silly crush at the time, and I began to try to get him to hook up with my friend. & we talked a lot in group chats and at school, we sort of talked whenever we saw each other in lunch or in the mornings at the hallways. I later even had him on snapchat. It wasn’t until, half a year later, I realized that I really liked him.Like a lot. & i mean, we talked over snap a few times (we have a streak too) & we talk sometimes at lunch. We always catch each other’s eyes tho. Like a lot in the hallways or during lunch. But I kept my feelings hidden, bc I love my best friend more. But her? She’s always talking to guys. As if she doesn’t like him but at the same time she does?? I don’t get it. I know that he’d go for my friend bc shes way prettier and smarter. But lemme tell you, last month, our grade had a presentation & in this presentation, his grade came to see ours. & like apparently out of me & my friends, he only came to see my presentation. He only came to me & we talked for a while, & he even teased me a lot, by taking my laptop & trying to read my poem while I tried to get it back from him. & then two weeks ago, I think I realized that I am too deep in liking him, bc for the first time, I saw him unexpectedley in the hallway& my heart began to race, like speed up and race. & it all felt new to me& I told u this before, but I asked for some guy’s snapchat that’s in his grade, & like he said he doesnt have it, but then he asked my if i was interested in the other guy. I said no obviously lol. But yesterday, I was walking with a guy friend, and every single time we passed in the hallway, he would playfully tease or shove him for fun. But I realized he sort of only does that when I am with that certain guy friend, & im srry for this longass story lol but I just want someone’s opinion.
Hi Anon! 
Because you wrote a lot (don’t feel bad, I appreciate the background and more information), I am going to write my answer out in points, just to make it easier.
1) This is something simple, but I don’t want you or anyone to feel like they are bothering me with questions - even if they are repeated. This is what I’m here for, so ask away!
2) Please don’t compare yourself to the other girl or your friend and say they are way prettier and smarter than you, so the guy will never choose you. If that’s the only reason people dated each other - well those are shallow people. It’s the personality that is important too, so please don’t put yourself down like that and compare yourself in that way to others. It’s not fair on yourself.
3) You can’t help who you fall for - feelings don’t work that way. We can’t just say whether or not we are going to like someone, so don’t feel guilty. If this is something you feel bad about because your friend may like this guy, then you should talk to her about it and see where she really stands with him. Get her thoughts about the situation. But again, this isn’t something you can’t control and you certainly cannot force yourself to not like someone. If it happens, then it’s natural. Feelings and emotions come and go as they please really. 
4) And this is the important one……whether or not I think he likes you. And quite frankly, I would say that he does have feelings for you. So I’ll break this down too. Taking time to see another person, especially someone you may like is huge. I mean when you are in a relationship, you always want to make sure you make time for your partner and always see them/talk to them. So the fact that he went to see your presentation only, makes me think that he really cares about what you are doing and will take time out of his schedule to see you. As well, the whole teasing bit. So story time: when I was in high school, there was a guy that liked me, and the only reason why I knew was because he always teased me. Like I’m talking pretending to push my binder over the desk, hold my chair in with his foot so I couldn’t pull it out and sit down, that sort of thing. The teasing never stopped - so if he is teasing you, that’s actually a good sign, oddly enough. Usually guys in and around the high school age group show they like someone by teasing them. That’s just what they do for whatever reason. So if he is teasing you like you’ve mentioned, I would take that as a good thing. 
Overall, it really does seem as though this guy is certainly interested and may possibly have feelings for you. And like I said - if you are worried about your friend, I would go talk to her about it first. That way you don’t have to feel guilty about where she stands if you two want to pursue a potential relationship. 
Hopefully this helps, and hopefully it wasn’t too much to read! Stop by again if you want clarifications or just to chat some more. I wish you luck anon!!
~ Sky :)
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swearronchanel · 8 years
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and my commentary continues: series 6, episode 2 (if this is now a thing idk what to title it)
You asked for it, my first class isn’t until noon tomorrow so I can sleep in & so, I complied Also the SAG awards finished at like 10pm so even after doing my night routine it’s still early haha here it goes …
- Oh shit I forgot color - ah I really like the new intro - Penny’s outfit is so cute - “Walk don’t run” stfu Sister Ursula this isn’t elementary school - “Have you lost your marbles bubsy” haha that’s cute - UGH I WANNA FIGHT THIS NUN - LET JULIENNE ARRANGE THE DAMN FLOWERS - This is when sister Ursula presses sister Monica Joan about the bon bons lol - “Unlike your sisters” guessing u don’t think u count - You’re damn right - Sister MJ sly af 😏 wish she was my grandma - Aw penny it’s ok sweetie all will be well - AlRight so where is St Cuthberts, is it closer than the London? Idk just wondering - I don’t care that much tbh - Damn this man gonna go blind how sad - I like knowing what happens when I’m watching bc I can’t take so much I get anxious - But are we not going to mention Patsy’s wig anymore? It’s still ugly, lucky emerald is beautiful anyway - - Ugh my bbys are still so hurt about the thalidomide 💔💔 - IT WAS NOT EITHER OF YOUR FAULTS - YES IT IS A MIRACLE PATRICK, YOU SHOULD’VE MENTIONED IT LAST WEEK but it’s all good - HE’S TOUCHING HER STOMACH AH - AND THEY KISSED Lmaoo I bet this will break Tumblr - UgH SUCH A SWEET MOMENT TO MELT MY COLD HEART - Jk this show has made me such an emotional mess, like I rarely ever used to cry or anything - But it could also be because of university diminishing my sanity - “We should really start telling people” - YEA PLS GIVE US A CUTE SCENE TELLING EVERYONE @ NONNATUS - - Buttt, I’m gonna guess it’s either going to be implied that they told them off screen or they won’t find out till she starts bleeding mid inspection ?? idk I’m just guessing, don’t come at me lmaoo - Patrick’s smirk “he’ll certainly understand” 😂😂 - SHELAGH’S CRINGING FACE I LOVE IT - YOU KNOW IM HERE FOR ALL CRINGEY EXPRESSIONS - Plus that’s my bby - - PHYLLIS SAW PATS AND DELIA - SHE KNOWS & IM GLAD IT WAS HER TO FIRST FIND OUT - - alright so let me be annoying real quick - From that clip from the casebook Valerie is problematic/lowkey racist & no estoy aquí para eso PERO I like her in the moment? - One, her outfit is cute - & B, she gets along well with my shelagh and seems nice.. I’m not gonna forget her comment though lol, so I’m going to stay neutral for now - - Ok the Marsh baby is born next - Lol sorry I love when sister Winifred is being cringey or funny but this was just kinda boring but I know it’ll get better later in the episode - BUT SERIOUSLY I WANNA KNOW SISTER WINIFRED’S REAL NAME - Idk why that was capitalized I don’t feel that strongly but I’m very curious !¡! - - Shelagh being all cute and cheeky giving those vaccinations - Penny is so sweet - - Alright this is so irrelevant but still, Shelagh is outside.. so Why would she throw up in a napkin in her hand? lol, all that open space 😭😂 idk I really hate throwing up and will not let my self throw up. Not even vlad can make me😷 - SHIT THAT EXPLOSION THO - what were they doing exactly? - like a bitch over here a lil confused :/ - MY LIL SUPERHERO SPRINGING TO ACTION YES BBY - shit George’s blind for good now it’s sad - and arthur’s gonna die damn - - look at disheveled Shelagh so damn pretty but I wonder when she got that cut lol - Lmaoo @ Valerie, so she knows the Nonnatuns - - Damn I’m only 17 mins in why do I talk so much shit to myself - Sister MJ sneaking that bread during sister Ursula’s prayer is me 😂 - I swear though if Sister Ursula tries to get rid of Sister MJ I will fight - My eyes roll every time this woman is on my screen - Phyllis chewing angrily is also me - “Travel visas there have been canceled” shit pats it’s too relevant right now - “I’m trifle deaf these days” PHYLLIS U ARE A GEM - Penny wins best dressed patient - - Patrick worrying is precious - SHELAGH TRYING TO HINT WHILE SMILING IS SO FUNNY BUT WHY - Lmao why are they acting like Tim is not literally right there? - Also this boy is 15 why is he not ever with friends - Of course he knew, he’s always around and isn’t dumb at all. He basically grew up around pregnant ladies tbh - “.. Good I don’t want to know any other details” lmao 😂 - I knew he’d be pleased but I lowkey wanted him not to upset or annoyed so he could have a good little story line - It’s not realistic that this 15 year old is so pleasant with his parents all the time - Like I was an angsty fright @ 15 - lol I’m acting like I’m old, I’m going to be 19 & I’m still like that^ with my parents a lot of the time - - Why do British people call bandaids “plasters”? Hm. I just think of plaster of Paris for like walls or whatever it’s used for - “I’m a slow healer” lol Shelagh is so precious - “If the baby’s a girl I’m moving out” I think it’ll be a boy. Actually Idk forget I said that - Don’t be nervous bby, speak up you got this - “That’s my girl” yes Patrick that’s our girl protect her at all freaking cost 😭 - I’ve gotten so far without saying “fuck” I’m proud - - “This is the dark before the dawn, but there is always a dawn” thanks sister I needed that - “I’ve committed a crime"😭😭 - I love sister MJ - also not gonna lie I cried a little the first time watching this - - Some mothers of color in the community centre makes me happy - Who’s the model though? 😏 - Someone find him & tag me - Ugh here comes sister “I ruin everything” - Honestly when is sister Julienne just gonna come out and say “you gotta go”? - No that’s not the way you do things - fuck yea sister J - “We must simply sit it out and wait for Churchill” - I HOPE THATS TRIXIE - BUT also I really want Sister Julienne to be the one who saves the day - Lol yea Babs your wardrobe should step it up but it’s okay - - Shelagh don’t be nervous you’re gonna kill it - Does sister Ursula even do anything? She doesn’t see patients does she? Nah she just makes everyone angry - Get up outta here - Lol I’m so Brooklyn for that - “Mrs Turner you look nice” - UM YES, MY BBY, her new dresses & coats slay - She finally took a break from the damn cardigans & I love it. Not that there’s anything wrong with cardigans but you catch my drift - Nah for real I wanted a fabulous wardrobe for Shelagh bc times are changing & Laura Main is literally gorgeous so she needs pretty outfits & got it I did - so here for it, now we wait for another pair of trousers. lets get it 1962 - this first dress had such jackie kennedy vibes, love it - - “Consequences be DAMMED” YES PATS - Phyllis and Sister J are proud, I really want one of them to press Sister Ursula - Look @ Delia actually being a nurse! - ah penny 💔 - - Shelagh’s so nervous at first but then is like YOU KNOW WHAT ASSHAT JUDGE - “Where is nurse Mount?” , “where she is needed” YES SISTER JULIENNE - love the blue coat Shelagh - “I’m not ill, I’m just tired and angry” same - Don’t cry bby - “Our best is worthless bc it won’t change anything” ugh crush my heart, especially that little hug. I need to hug them all - lol who invited Tom to the hospital - he’s so handsome though so it’s ok - TELL THEM, STAND UP - “We need to fight” yes ! - I was worried penny’s baby wouldn’t live - C'mon Pats be pc - okay patsy opening up, crushes my heart she’s so closed off but I feel - Here comes the wicked bitch of the east [end] - Whoops can I call a fictitious nun a bitch - YES PATS YES DONT TAKE HER SHIT - Aw patsy, you two will okay, I mean look sister Bernadette came back as Shelagh because of letters so you never know - - Shelagh’s baby blue outfit >> - she needs to go out in public more with her hair down and slay everyone’s life - “Not today.” Yes Delia - “You did it Mrs Turner, you made em listen!” - Yes tf she did. I’m so proud - the set makeup artist did a crazy good job with the burns - “We never really out grow our parents, we just think we do” aw I should call my mum and dad - mm maybe later it’s midnight lmao - DELIA SAID I LOVE U - I FEEL LIKE NO IMPORTANT COUPLE on here HAS SAID “I LOVE YOU” to each other ?? - They almost kissed aw - Fred just break the door damn - Reminds me a little of when Jenny left - Aw the Marsh fam - Phyllis you are gold - Phyllis is still learning Spanish, please give her an opportunity to use it! - the only Spanish speaking mother was conchita, wasn’t that the first episode ever? lets get another one - Anyway, this was so sad. - “The pain it costs to love..” PHYLLIS I LOVE You. You deserve everything good - Aw all the other mothers with penny! - Alright Lets hear it Vanessa - Aw Delia Bonus: preview for next week - my other bby Trixie is back !! - hope she loses her shit when she realizes sister Ursula is ruining everything + patsy/sister mary cynthia are gone - My bby Shelagh looks so pretty!💕 - BUT I KNOW NO ONE IS SHUTTING DOWN ANYTHING - I will not have it - Phyllis spilling the ever so obvious and boiling tea, sister Ursula is UNFIT - Pls let Sister Julienne say something crazy to her before she goes - Why is babs crying?? - ugh of course that’s the most of a preview we get - Nothing bad will happen to my bbys I won’t have it. Protect them at all costs or I’ll spontaneously combust - Jk but I might flip my shit or throw my laptop - But for real for Shelagh to miscarry 3 episodes in would be a waste of a storyline - Plus it is a drama, we’ll be shook for a while, then we’ll cry, we’ll laugh & then Vanessa Redgrave says something profound and we go on with the week - The End 🙃🙃 - If you read this far, you’re a champ - I did this for u all
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zmayadw · 3 years
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I totaly neglected my story posting :/ Shame on me!
So, here is next part, if anyone is still interested in reading :P
Have a nice evening! :)
Oh, and i guess i should mention, a slight warning - there is a little violence in this part, nothing serious, but still :P
CALL OF THE RAVEN
PART 20
Next morning it was actualy me that awoke first, Jake sleeping soundly. I snuck out fo the bed, tip toeing to the bathroom. I got dressed making as little noise as i could not to wake him. He could use some rest, finaly. I took the car keys sneaking out of the room. This time i will surprise him with coffee and breakfast. Driving to town, i tought of last night, smile coming to my face. Things wer going well, considering all. I parked the car, going for the coffe shop. I bough coffee and some croissants, and as i left the shop someone yelled my name. I turned and smiled „Hello, Phil.“ „Hey there gorgeous, you up early today.“ He said grining. It was early, just pass 7. I found it strange myself when i woke up, considering we came back at the motel late, and, well, all that followed after we did. I was sure i would sleep till late again. I smiled „Well, you know what they say about the early bird.“ „Indeed.“ He smiled back. „Well, good I ran into you, i need to talk to you anyway.“ „Oh, you do?“ i asked curiously. „But that can wait till later.“ He said, glancing at the coffees and croissants i was holding. „Dont want for loverboy to be waiting on you.“ I smiled akwardly. „Anyway, come to the Aurora later if you can, and i'll tell you all about it.“ „Alright, i will.“ I said. Phil chimed cheerfuly „Excellent! See you later then, gorgeous.“ I had no idea what Phil might need of me, but i was curious. Ugh, i groaned inside, Jake wont be too happy when i tell him about this. Hopefully, he figured out by now he has nothing to worry about considering Phil. All tho, i doubted the two of them will ever get allong well. Ah well, you cant have everything.
I parked back at the motel, taking the stuff out of the car and heading for the room. The moment i stepped inside, Jake was all over me. „What the hell, Maya!“ he almost yelled at me. „Well, good morning to you, too.“ I said, looking at him questioningly lovering the things i bought at the desk. „What wer you thinking?“ he asked me. „Uhm, well , coffee and breakfast mostly, but i somehow doubt that is the answer you want.“ „You are right about that.“ He said, frustration rising in his voice. „Was it so hard for you to take your phone with you?“ I winced at it a bit „Considering what almost happened last time i had my phone with me while driving, i would go with yes.“ He sighed „I get that, Maya, but what if something happend to you, how would i be able to find you?“ Crap, he had a point. „I'm sorry, Jake.“ I said. „I didnt think about that, dont be ma...“ I stopped abruptly. „Wait, wait,wait, what did you just say right now?“ „What?“ he asked. „You said 'find' “ I could literally hear the 'tick tick' of wheels in my brain as it hit me. „What did you do with my phone?!“ i asked. He was silent, and i knew i was right. „You are tracking my phone, arent you!?“ i said, squinting my eyes at him. „Fine! Yes, I am tracking your phone!“ he said, throwing his arms up with frustration. „You could have told me!“ He sighed desperatly „I know, but i didnt want to get you bothered with it. You had enough on your mind already.“ „Jake“ i said going to him, putting my hands arround his neck. „You need to tell me stuff like that. Im not mad you did it, its kinda cute.“ I smiled, making him smile back at me. „But“ i started serious „From now on, no more secrets. I want you to promise me you will tell me everything.“ „Alright, i promise.“ „Good.“ I said, giving him a kiss. „Now, can we eat, im actually pretty hungry.“ i chimed cheerfuly. He chuckled at me, taking the bag with croissants. He took one out, turning to me with a raised eyebrow „I can see that. There's this suspiciously looking croissant here thats missing a part.“ „Oops“ i said, taking it from his hand, grinning „Couldn't resist.“
I basicly devoured three croissants, sitting on the bed with my laptop. Jake was behind his laptop at the desk doing 'his stuff'. I took a sip of my coffe „I ran into Phil when in town, by the way.“ He straightend in the chair, turning to me „Oh, yeah?“ „Yes. He wants me to come to Aurora later, he said he wants to talk to me.“ „About what?“ he asked. „Thats what i will find out when i see him.“ „So, you decided already you will go.“ He said, squirming in his chair. „Ofcourse i will go, why wouldnt I?“ i asked. Jake was even more squirmy now, i chuckled inside. „I dont know.“ He siad. I grined „Are you getting jelous again?“ „No, i'm not!“ he replied, quickly turning back to his laptop. „Oh, you soooo are!“ i said laughing. I so liked teasing him. „Shut up.“ He said, throwing the empty croissant bag rolled in a ball at me. „Heeey, its not nice throwing stuff at others, mister.“ I said teasingly. „Stop distracting me then.“ „Fine, fine, be all serious.“ He looked sideways at me, and i stuck my toung to him. „You're impossible.“ He said. „I tought i was amazing.“ He chuckled „I might have gotten ahead of me with saying that.“ „Oy!“ i protested, throwing a pillow at him. He turned to me and crossed his arms at his chest „Mhm, its not fun, beaing teased at, right?“ He grinned. I squinted my eyes at him „Touché.“ He turned back to his laptop. „Ok, joking aside, you are welcome to come with me to Aurora later, if that would make you feel better.“ I told him. He turned back to me „You know what? I just might do that.“ I was surprised. I didnt mind him coming along, just didnt expect him to actualy say yes. „Alright then, its settled.“ Oh boy, this will be fun.
We parked at Aurora, and leaivng the car Jake said to me „I'll join you shortly, there's something i want to do.“ „Umm, alright.“ I said „Can i ask what it is?“ He just grined „You'll see later.“ He sat back in the car and drove off. I was left confused walking towards Aurora. Phil was sitting at the booth when i entered, turning towards me at the sound of doors opening. He smiled at me with his usual grin „Hello, gorgeous.“ „Hey Phil.“ I smiled back, joining him. There was a bunch of papers in front of him. „Hope i didnt catch you at a bad time.“ I asked, him smiling at me „Dont worry, gorgeous, i could use a break anyway, i cant add one plus one anymore staring at all this numbers.“ He got up, ushering me to sit „Want something to drink?“ he asked, adding with a wink „I have a fresh pot of coffee waiting.“ I grinned „You know me so well.“ „Hey, i'm just glad i'm not the only coffee addict around here.“ he said with a grin before leaving. His phone rang as he left, so it took him a while before he came back. „Sorry, gorgeous, business call.“ He said, putting a coffee cup infront of me and sitting down. He leaned in the booth „I was sure that 'loverboy' would come with you.“ „Huh, well you wer right, he will join us soon.“ He laughed „Does he feel that much threatened by me?“ I looked at him, groaning desperatly „Phil..“ „Dont worry, gorgeous, i'll behave.“ He grinned. „As much as possible.“ He added winking at me. „Oh, im sure you will.“ I said, shaking my head at him. I took a sip of coffee „So, what was it that you wanted to talk to me?“ „Ahh, straight to business, right?“ he said to me. „Well, i am curious about it, so, come on, out with it.“ I grinned at him. „Alright, alright“ he said. „I have a business proposition for you.“ „You do?“ i looked surprised at him. „Indeed.“ „Alright, and what is it about?“ i asked. „Well, you do draw and designe, right?“ he asked, and i nodded. „I would like you to do a new design for t-shirts and some other stuff for Aurora.“ I was surprised by it. „You do?“ „Ofcourse.“ He said. „Why look so surprised by it, gorgeous?“ he asked with a smile. „Umm, well, dont get me wrong, I am flattered by it, but i'm sure there is someone better then me for it.“ Phil shook his head at me „Let me tell you something, gorgeous.“ He started, looking serious at me. „When it comes to work, i dont choose lightly.“ I still wasnt convinced. „And, besides, you can thank the 'all mighty internet' here.“ He said grining at me. „ You think i didnt chek up your skills before offering this to you?“ He wasnt wrong, i was good at what i did. „Alright“ i started „I appreciate it, really, but i have to decline.“ Phil looked dissapointed „Why? And dont give me some crap answer, Maya.“ „Well, honestly, i cant accept because i couldnt charge you for it.“ „And why not? Because we're friends?“ he said, and i nodded. „Its business, gorgeous, of course it comes with payement.“ „True, but i just wouldnt feel right doing it, Phil.“ I said desperatly. I added after a moment of silence „I could do it as a favore, tho, that would sound better to me.“ Phil looked at me serious for a moment, before his eyes sparkled and he grinned „Alright, how about this: you do it anyway, but instead of me paying you, i make you a special deal.“ I raised my eyebrow at him „And what special deal that might be?“ He laughed „ Dont worry, gorgeous, its nothing dirty, as you might think.“ He winked, smiling devilishly. I rolled my eyes at him „I havent tought of something like that.“ I said sarcasticly, but it actually did cross my mind. „ Ofcourse you didnt.“ Phil said, rising his eyebrow. „Well, what that special 'deal' is then?“ i asked. He grinned „ You get to drink for free here from now on.“ I laughed „You really will try anything to get me to accept it, arent you?“ „Hey, its a good deal, gorgeous. You have no clue how manny people would gladly take that kind of the offer.“ He said to me winking. „Allright, Phil“ i said after a momet „You convinced me, I'll do it.“ „Excellent!“ he chimed cheerfully, rubbing his hands together. He got up „I
think we need to seal this with a drink!“ I laughed „Ofcourse you do.“ The door of the Aurora opened then, and we both turned to see Jake walking in. He came to the booth, not taking his eyes from Phil, and Phil doing exactly the same. „Perfect timing, loverboy.“ Phil said „We wer just about to celebrat.“ He winked at me, leaving the booth. Jake looked at me, and i saw annoyance in him from Phils behaviour. He growled sitting next to me „Do i still have to behave arround Phil? I havent punched anyone in a long time, but i'm sure i still remember how to do it.“ I shook my head at him „Yes, you still have to behave.“ I grined leaning for a kiss „And, if you ever want to see me naked again, no punching, either!“ He raised his eyebrow at me after we kissed „You are taking away all the fun from me.“
Phil came back settling three glasses and a bottle of whiskey at the table. „So, did she tell you the good news already?“ he asked Jake, filling the glasses up. „No, she didnt.“ Jake replied, turning to me now. I sighed „Phil offered me a job.“ „Did he, now.“ Jake said, turning to look back at Phil. „Ofcourse i did.“ He said and grinned. „Our girl here is quite talented at her work.“ He handed us the glasses, taking his and rising it towards me. „Here's to you, gorgeous.“ I glanced at Jake, him being suprisingly calm to Phils words. He took a sip from his glass, settling it down. Me? I finished mine in one gulp. This calmness of his got me worried. „Whoa, easy there gorgeous.“ Phil said to me chuckling. „Could you stop calling her that?“ Jake said to Phil, his eyes darkening. Phil leaned back in the booth „What? Gorgeous?“ he said, giving Jake a grin „But she is, so why not say it.“ „Oh, for the love of it.“ I said, taking the bottle and filling my glass again. They both continued staring at eachother, completly ignoring me. „Phil“ Jake started, sounding calm but his voice so sinister „I promised Maya i'll behave, and i really dont want to break that promise.“ „Oh, relax loverboy, i'm just messing with you.“ Phil told him back, grining. „But let me just say this to you“ he started, taking the bottle to refill all the glasses, looking smug at Jake. „I know your type, I've seen it manny times before. Eventualy, you will mess up with her. And when you do, i will be right here waiting.“ And that was it - Jakes fist flew to Phils face, sending him sprawling on the floor from the booth. I basicly jumped over the table, glasses spilling all over and on me, making myself stand in front of Jake, as he shot up from his seat to go for Phil again. „Stop it!“ i shouted at him, but he looked so furios at Phil. His eyes wer so dark, and he was breathing so fast. I wasnt sure he even aknowledged I was standing in front of him. He wanted to push through me for Phil, i had to use all my strenght to try and push him back . I never saw him like this before, it got me frighten. „Please, Jake!“ I yelled once more pleadingly. He looked at me. The shock that was shown on my face made him tense, his eyes opening wide. „Shit!“ he said, turning from me, and storming towards the doors. I just stood there, taking a deep breath to calm myself as Jake left Aurora. I turned to Phil „What the fuck, Phil! You just had to do it?“ i yelled at him furiously. Phil just grined at me „Sorry gorgeous, i was just being honest, as always.“ „You just wanted to provoke him!“ „Look, Maya“ Phil started, getting up from the floor. „I meant what i said. He will mess things up eventualy, i can bet you. He will end up hurting you.“ „No, he wont!“ i continued yelling at him „You know nothing about him! And if you hoped provoking him will make me care less for him, you wer wrong!“ I took a few more deep breaths calming myself down once more. „And 'friends' dont wish for other friends to end up miserable.“ I said my voice taking on a sad notch. Phil winced at my words. „Thanks, Phil, thanks a lot.“ I said, turning away from him heading for the doors.
Stepping outside i wanted to scream in frustration. Like i didnt have enough happening in my life already. Jake was nervously pacing back and forth next to the car, stopping as he saw me. He walked towards me. „I'm sorry, i'm so, so sorry!“ he said to me. „I shouldnt have let him provoke me.“ He started pacing nervously again in fron of me. „Jake, it's fine.“ I said, but he didnt hear me. „He's just so annoying, i just couldnt control myself anymore!“ „Jake, it's alright.“ I tried again, but he just continued. „And talking to you like that? He has no right! Who does he think he is?“ „Jake!“ i yelled at him, making him stop and look at me. „It's fine.“ I said again, finaly having his attention. „It is?“ he asked, looking surprised. „Yes. He did kinda deserve it.“ I told him. „I tought you would be furious.“ he said to me, still surprised. „Oh, i am.“ I started „I'm not a fan of this things happeneing, just to make it clear to you. And to be honest, i should have forseen something like this happening, i shouldnt have let you come with me, so im furios at myself, too“ i said. My face got all serious then „You got me worried there for a moment.“ He looked at me, worry creeping to his face. „You didnt get scared of me, Maya..did you?“ he asked, his voice insecure a bit. „No, Jake, i didnt.“ I said „But i was scared I wont be able to stop you.“ He took a deep breath. „Maya, because of you, is why i stopped.“ I smiled at him, embracing him in a hug, leaning my head on his chest „I told you i will be your 'helping hand'.„ „Yes, you did.“ He smiled. „And I am sorry I did this.“ „Dont worry about it.“ I said, looking back at him, grinning „ I would have punched him myself if he continued like that, either way.“ Jake laughed at it „I can totally picture you do it.“ „I know, right!?“ i exclimed cheerfully, and he leaned to me for a kiss. As the kiss ended i asked „Can we go now, please, i just want to leave here.“ He smiled at me, hugging me with one hand, and we started walking back to the car. „You and me, both.“ Jake unlocked the car, and i went to the other side to get in. I opened the doors, and tensed. I sat in, turning to Jake, fear creeping at me. „Jake, are you going somewhere?“ He turned to me, confused „What are you talking about?“ I glanced at the back seat, a black traveling bag there. He chuckled at me „Relax, Maya, its just some clean clothes i took.“ .“ I sighed relieved, for a moment there i thought the worst. He looked at me raising his eyebrow „I am mostly with you at the motel, and i doubt any of your shirts would fit me.“ „Oh i dont know, i think that pink lace tank top of mine would fit you perfectly.“ I said teasingly. He laughed, shaking his head at me „Pink is definitely NOT my color.“
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racealle · 6 years
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Til We Meet Again
It was my special day... with my special someone... my friends and family are all here... smiling happilly for me...     I've been dreaming of this day... walking down the aisle...  a bouquet of flowers in my hand... looking at the man waitng for me in the altar...   He was my best friend... She was my best friend... He was my savior... She was my partner...   Its the song I made just from him... singing it right now feels surreal..   I asked her to sing... Hoping it to be the first but not the last.. -------- Time Check : 2:02pm My head perk up with the sound of the door opening hoping to see the person i was supposed to meet.  We were supposed to meet at 1:00pm, today is Saturday, its not even traffic... Where the hell is he?    *looks at the reader* Oh Hi! I was waiting for someone, which happens to be late AGAIN. *reader: ahem who are you??* Ooppss sorry I kinda forgot to introduce myself :) Hi! *waves* my name is Catherine, 23 years old. Occupation: freelance model, instrumentalist, singer, and teacher :) Yip! that's me :) No Boyfriend SInce Birth... I'm still young and... boys kinda makes my head hurts, like this one im waiting rignt now.. so in the relationship aspect.. i think im good. :) thanks but no thanks.  hmm but you know what, I've been inlove like seriously inlove.. its the same man from fifteen years ago... the same boy who became my savior.... "Kitty!" a man's voice can be heard in the entire cafe.  Oh man! how embarassing! It's him, the guy I am talking about. Meet Steven, my prankster of a friend, a lunatic but my most trusted friend. :)   It quite funny to remember how we met 15 years ago...   Flashback *15 years ago* I was in my 3rd grade in Elementary, I used to be a chubby little girl, the same reason why most of my classmates often picked me to be bullied. One day, I was happily muching on my big candy while walking down the streets to school. I heard someone calling my name.   "kitty kitty little kitty hahahaha!  I looked back and saw my bullies. Way to go aiming to have a very nice day.    "What do you want Mark? I asked them grumpily.  "Give us you food, you pig!" They shouted at me. "I dont want to, Its mine. Why don't you tell your parents to prepare something for you?" *Smirking* "You don't want too? Hold her guys, let's get her lunch box! "No! Please stop! I shouted back, but to  no avail, they're still trying to get my lunch then I started crying.  "STOP what you're doing! Mr. Officer arrest them! The kids ran as fast as they could while i was left crying on my own. I didn't notice the person standing in front of me. "Stop crying now, here take this its smaller than the one you had earlier but its delicious, its actually my favorite"   I looked up at the person speaking, there I saw a boy smiling while peeling of a candy.  He hand it over to me and said "Here try this, its really good." When he noticed me staring at the candy in my hand, he nudge me and said. "Eat up!"  "Thank you." I started tasting the candy he gave me. "Hmm.. its good indeed." I said to him.  "See?! I told you so.. my name is Steven, starting today, we're friends, okay?" Don't worry those kids wont bother you anymore, I will protect you, promise!  "Okay! We're friends! Thank you once again! Starting that day, I found myself a friend, my most precious friend. :)     Present Day That's how we started our friendship and until now, we're still together.  "Kitty!"  "Speaking of the devil, here comes the trouble maker." "Kitty Friend!" He shouted again. "Argh! Do you enjoy shouting my name that much? Now the entire cafe knows my name." I said playfully.  *dear readers, meet my friend and long time lovelife (he doesn't know thay btw) Steven Salazar.*  "I missed you Kitty my friend!" he said while hugging me tightly.  ("Damn this man, dont be like that man, I've been trying to hold myself back from kissing you moron!"  silently grumbling myself.) "kitty, do you have a fever, your face kind red. What happened, I can hear your heartbeat and its really fast."  ("Really damn this guy, does he want me dead? Arghh and you my dear heart, you want to come out of my chest? arghh!!! Calm down!") "I'm fine, Im just startled because of you, you moron! We've seen each other last week, You called me as if we haven't each other in ages. hahaha" (He finally broke the hug and went to sit in front of me. He's still smiling widely while doing that flower pose, he's cheeks becoming more evident, he's looking so cute. I think I falling too hard again. Dont be like that.) (I stopped myself from writing and carefully removed my eyeglasses *clears my throat*)  "What happened to you? You seemed so happy. Did you win in the lottery?" Yah! share with me your prize! You let me wait here for an hour, I deserve a share of your winning!" (As if he didn't heard me, he's still smiling like an idiot he is.) *hitting him at the back of his neck* "Uy! You look like a a creep! What's with you? Are you in heaven?" "Ouch! That hurts Cath! and Yes, I'm in heaven and I've seen an angel."  "Wow, you're crazy." I went back to what I am doing. "Catherine" (I was surprised when he called me by my full name, he rarely use my fullname unless he will tell me something important. I put aside my files and looked at him properly this time) "Why?"  "I want you to meet someone." "If its another guys you want to set me up with, No thanks. You know what will I say." I said while rolling my eyes at him. "Idiot!, When will you have a boyfriend then? Anyway, Its not a guy. Its an angel. My angel."  "Angel? Who..."  (I wasn't able to finish what I am about to say when i notice a woman approached our table) "My dear friend, Kitty Cat, meet my Lisa, my GIRLFRIEND. Lisa this is Catherine, my BEST FRIEND." ------------------------------- (I was left speechless... Girlfriend, he said GIRLFRIEND) *waves in front of my face* "Hey dude, are you alright?" "Oh, girlfriend? Wow you had a girlfriend? I didn't know and i thought we're bestfriends?" (I told him jokingly but damn my heart feels like it dying.) "Yes, buddy, we've been together for quite long already but we need to keep it a secret because of her family, but now we're telling everyone about us. and I want you to be the first one to know." He said while still smiling happily holding his girlfriend beside him." "It's nice to finally meet you Cath, Steven has been telling me a lot of stories about you." (I looked at the girl while smiling, I hope they wouldn't notice how I truly feel. You're strong Cath, You can do this" "Its nice to meet you, Lisa. You're really beautiful. What kind of stories does this idiot told you? Come and sit with us." (I smiled and reached her for a hug. She was really beautiful and kind, I'm glad my idiot of a friend found her. It's nice to see them smiling at eacch other lovingly, but why do i feel like this? Damn, my aches while looking at them. tsk I've been cursing in my head too many times today.) (I reminded myslef of my role in this situation. I am the guy's bestfriend. I need to be happy for them. Forget your pain. I am nothing but the GUY"S BESTFRIEND.) (The couple informed both of their families of their relationship, they we're really surprised :) some of Steven's family said that they thought the two of us would be together because we were always together since 3rd grade. They didn't know tho how i feel tho...) --------------------------------- A month had passed, I'm stil the guy's best friend. but unlike before, now we rarely get to meet often. Well in my defense, I've been really busy, an offer from a Fashion Company sent me a letter for the France fashion event. I was reluctant to accept the offer at first, but after sometime, i realized maybe God is giving me this blessing to help me as well to forget and move on. Its a 1 year contract, maybe by the time I came back I already have a boyfriend to introduce to my family. Just maybe. :) That's why I've been really busy too.  I purposely didn't inform my family and my friends, specially Steven about my plans. I flew to France without informing everybody.  ______________________________________ Welcome to France!!! When I landed I called my family of what happened to not worry them so much. They were very mad at first. But i explained to them my purpose and supported me. During the 1st month, Steven and I were constantly updating each other through chats. He even told me, "Why did you have to leave like that? I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. You're cruel, you know that? When you get back i want to have my presents. got that Kitty?"  But then after sometime, we lost contact with each other, I've been busy maybe he is too. After our rehearsals, I always go straight to my laptop to see if he sent me a message but nothing. Instead of message, what i saw in my TL are photos of hin and Lisa, they look so happy. I didn't notice how my eyes are filled with tears, tears rolling down on my cheeks while looking at those beutiful photos of Lisa and Steven.  It continued for the rest of my stay in France. I just glad that we are busy with the Fashion Shows. When I got home, I continued torturing myself, browsing my TL then I saw this qoute. "I'd rather live the consequences of the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done." It was like a wake up call for me. I'd rather suffer on my own than destroying my friends' relationship. I don't want to be selfish and beside they are happy. He is happy. I don't want himt o loose his happiness. That night, I cried myself to sleep, I didn't notice the creaking of my door. I felt a weight on my bed and someone hugging me. It was my friend Rose. I cried harder this time.  "Cath, its better to tell him, he might be with someone right now but atleast it will help to be free from what you are feeling. If you don't you might end up regretting not figthing for your love. We'll be in the Philippines by next week, grab the chance and confess your feelings to him. If he won't accept you so be it, atleast you let out what you truly feel." That night longer sobs and tears were my answer...  --------------------------------------------------------- Philippine Airport... *rings* "Mom, We just landed here in Ph, don't bother fethcing me anymore, Papa might be tired already, I just go home on my own. and its already late. Don't wait for me okay?" (When I arrived in front of our house, I stopped for a while and look at the surroundings, its still the same, my home.) I quitely opened the house, lol i still found the spare key under the rag, better tell Papa to hide it somewhere else.  "WELCOME HOME CATH!"  I was startled by their loud cheers, i thought everyone is asleep already. but here they are, my family, my friends and the most precious person in my live right now... STEVEN. I was enveloped in a tight hug by my family. Then someone took me in his arms and hugged my tightly.   "I missed you a lot, my best friend? how have you been?  (I allowed myself to melt in his hug, this will be the last time i promised to my self,) "I'm fine Steven, France has been good to me for the past year, I missed you too" I replied and hug him even tighter. "How is Lisa by the way?"  (There i saw the glint in his eyes again, the same time i heard my heart shuttering into million pieces once again. He smiled widely) "Let's meet tomorrow, same time, same place. I will tell you something important."  "Oh Sure, I need to tell you something too. See you tommorow then?" "Yes, my friend, you need to rest now. its a long flight. We'll see each other tommorrow okay?"  (He hugged me again my kissed my forehead." "Goodnight." (Yeah tommorrow, I'll tell you...  I LOVE YOU.)       ------------------------
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I tell him in plain language I haven't eaten and have no money for food. He offers to loan me money and that I can come over. But it's -2 and all my cold weather wear is garbage from the 5 min I spent just going to the store. He says he has to charge his phone. I'm like OK but u can also do it on your laptop. "yeah but then I'd have to find my wallet". I gave a huge exaggerated laugh because who the fuck responds to someone asking to eat like 5hat? He thinks my reply is weird. I tell him I assume he's joking so I'm laughing otherwise I'm just depressed. He replies, "do you need money now?"
SO GCDFHJFFDXDJKCFYBVXSSJKCF
DO I NEED TO EAT TODAY? DO I? GYESS NOT BECAYSE I WOYLDNT WANT TO BORHER YOU TO FIND YOUR FUCKING WALLET.
the only mature non combative response I had was no response because I'm not even dignifying such a stupid fucking question with a response. Fuck you man. Just fuck you. I'd get more respect sucking dick for 40$. Quicker too.
And I'm trying soooooooo hard and it's just nothing. I'm doing nothing but expending the absolute most amount of effort I currently have before becoming sooo exhausted and frustrated that I'm becoming impulsively violent - much like traits I had very young that I worked to control. Like my day consists of waking up and being brought home. I smoke weed, find a podcast or video or movie to listen to but barely pay attention and try to bring myself to do anything. Like changing my clothes from yesterday. Going out to get food (which if I do is my entire morning and I'm done after). Lately I want soooo badly to get back into my shit. I used to be productive. Like I lost alllllllllllllllllllllllll drive for anything. I cannot fathom going to a job. My whole disposition says I want to die every moment I'm awake. I watched this doc about this crazy lady who starved to death in an abandoned house on an occupied street like ppl walked by the house she had neighbors but she like actively chose to just starve and die. And everyone's so confused like oh the neighbors were there she could've gotten food but no. I get this lady. I am this lady right now. I am in an abandoned house that is my body and my neighbors can see I'm here but they don't care if anyone is home. They wouldn't feed me.
In some ways I was like oh no. This lady is me. But she was delusional. Like she made ppl up. I haven't ever. But I am becoming like my mother more and more but I guess I empathize more. This lady was so depressed like she really wanted to die all the time and she was miserable and couldn't keep friends and I get it now. I got it before but now I really get it because there's no choice anymore. At some point you like... You're standing on the edge of the abyss and then u let go and from that point on its just free falling out of control. You can't stop it once it's hit full momentum. And I'm screaming cuz I did the drugs. And I can do them again so I can placebo effectvmyself for 2 weeks and crash again. I am existing solely for the purpose of a few other ppl right now. Like I can't die right here because my roommate has to find it and he's the last person I want to find dead me. Like if a stranger could spot a body that is me, that'd be good. Or like a dog finds me first. I want to go in a forest. I want my body to refuel the earth and I want animals to tear me apart like when the Indians let vultures eat their dead. I'm dead you know. People have too much control. I'm used to no control and I embrace the lack of control one has in death despite society trying sooo hard. And I'm still there you know cuz I want to control when I die. I wan5 to choose and death is not about choice. And it's hard to die. Killing yourself takes like extreme effort. I cannot selfishly take my cats with me tho I want to. I want to die with my cat in my arms, the only thing that ever really loved me besides my dad. I just want to go far far out where it's no coming back. Like even if I last minute didn't want to I want to be so far out in the woods I can5 make it back in such condition so I just die because wanting to live is the moment of weakness. This is not a moment. I am not in a decade long moment. I am suffering and I hurt and the "system" is a fools game. Like it took 100 yrs to accept certain medications and procedures as fucked up because it takes society 100 yrs to figure anything out and like I guess my hope is that because we're evolving technology so fast maybe in 5 years they will know how to fix depression. They will look in my brain and s3e the suffering and fix it. And I'll flick a switch and my memories will be neutral in feeling, not ptsd.
It's not even ptsd anymore. No, it's not JUST ptsd anymore. It's the starting long term effects of poverty. It's like.. My own mental issues maturing with me as I'm getting older and it's not easier at all?
Like I tried to do my shop and realized its so half assed and like I can't be this age and present this level of effort. I can do better I just chose not to but I spend effort doing it half assed still. I took apart 80% of my jewelry and have yet to go back to it because why. And that's sad. Like I have to be careful now to maintain what I do have or I may not care enough to do it again. I have alllllllllllllllllllllllll the time in the world to do something. Anything. Any. Thing. And I've listened to 350 episodes of last podcast, know deeply a 38 yr old man I never met who plays video games online, watched anything deemed good on Netflix, am totally up to date on s3veral news websites and podcasts and I smoke like 400$ worth of weed a month.
I don't even want to know me.
But like.. I don't pretend I just don't talk. I talk to others, share commentary occasionally but I just don't talk about anything. I especially don't talk about how depressed I am because it just bothers ppl and creates both positive and negative opinions none of which are helpful to the illness.
So im very very secluded. And I used to use isolated but that's negative. That's saying I'm forced into it. I'm forcing it. I'm not. I actively choose it now so I am secluded and extremely private.
I'm still trying though? Like I don't even know why. Today I signed up for usertesting sites because I already do contract tests for consumer reviews so maybe I'll make some money but at the same time I feel like its another dead end. Just go work at McDonald's.
Art wise, there is so much I could do to revamp my shop. All new, well made jewelry. I need all new photos including ones of my art with close ups and stuff. I want to "graduate" my art skills a bit. Like really make nice well cut paper with borders for matting and start to sign my work and like all of this means higher quality so a higher price. I can do fucking better. And honestly I'm not doing anything else right now. My mind is completely disabled and to consider working is laughable now. I know I'm not going to so I can stop being anxious about it. Fuck em. I've been doing a depression project for charity cuz that's what I did earlier this year too but this one is more personal. I have 3/5 of what I wanted for my goal but at the same time what I made is so.. Average. It's not great at all. It's just iok and does the job and I tried my best but maybe I didn't? The fact 3/5 have all turned out with fairly major issues makes me feel less inclined to continue and the whole thing pointless cuz why give something to the homeless that sucks. So u can feel good?
I don't want therapy or medication. I deeply hate society and most of humanity. I used to be OK with it and I wanted to be apart of it but I was so shit on by so many people that I can't do it anymore. It's not worth it. 30 years of shit for like 30 y3ars of average? Cool.
Still trying tho. Still asked for money for food and I'll go hungry today but I'll havevmoney tomorrow I guess. That's life. Me and the 45 ppl on main St homeless. Somedays you eat Somedays you don't. He will probably realize at some point he made a mistake - hopefully. Because if I have to chase him for it, I'm probably going to hang out by myself tomorrow too.
I'm now worried I have no good winter clothes and my boots have holes in them. I'm already in super debt. I have to get a new jacket and boots before it snows. I could've gotten an extra 10 if I braved the cold for 25 min tonight but I'm just so tired I don't care enough. I can't talk to anyone about this. Then I'm just poor and a burden cuz I have no job and spend money on weed. And I did. I put myself far into debt just for weed. I'm now working on this plan that since I've quit smoking I must be up some money so I'll slowly build funds back up by not smoking and not spending crazy. Which even now sounds bullshit. But I'm trying the testing thing as well. If I get my shop up before Xmas rush. These are reasons to try but I'm only trying because d3pression put me in debt. If I wasn't this sad I wouldn't spend this money. I wouldntvlive like this.
Honestly until I get this money I don't even have funds for the bus to get my birth control. At the same time tho I was willing to sit all of this out and wait but I have like 7 days to be paid and I can't go 7 days without eating at all.
I spent myblast 3$ on cat food and honestly just this run down alone describes how insane I am. Like there's no way it's OK for me to be on my own to this degree. No sound psychologist would say yes 100% clearly functioning on their own in need of no assistance. If someone described this to me in my moments of sound mind I would be like this bitch is dead in atleast 5 years. Prob less. Meds aren't enough. Therapy is not enough. And I don't deserve to be in a psych ward because my capacity for reasoning and logic is fully there and it's unfair to have success in q team monitored to be released into the same conditions you know.
What am I doing when my father's gone? This because no one recognized that in a Co dependent relationship there are two people who are d3oendent not just one and instead of really assessing the situation people chose to think I was lazy and living off my father (even tho I was not) ignoring severe depression and suicidal t3ndencies. Thanks.
I am the abandoned house.
Today I was trying to get ready to leave when he said he still wanted to smoke from my bong and ohh where do I have to go that's so important. And it's not just him. It's anyone who knows myclife. They d3cided my time has less value because someone who's not them d3cided to pay me money in exchange for menial tasks. Since I don't have that my time is meaningless and they can not show up to qppts or show up late or leave late or make me wait X amount of time cuz I have all the time in the world. They work u know. But I no longer care. For the people who know me I'm no longer accepting this and just going about my lif3 without them. For those who don't, I'm no longer going to share anything about my life with anyone. I'm just as valuable as you. My time is equally of worth. Fuck you for ever thinking different.
Just remember - anyone else alive, not your problem.
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