#im just... so tired. im at work rn and it's a chore to do Anything...

[orcelito]

I realized smth this morning

Ngl, I think this is tied for one of the worst summers of my fucking life lmao, rivaled only by when I was 18 and there was *waves hand* all That trauma

This kind of draining multi-hit wonder is just... yeah. Yeah.

[ilikemicrowaves]

Rant/vent

Summary of how my individual therapy session went because I am sooooo upset rn and it's hard for me to believe my therapist has an actual degree and job. I do not like her at all

My mother keeps making me uncomfortable and coming into my room when I need privacy for therapy.

"Then address that to her so she'll stop."

Addressing anything slightly negative about her never goes well, and I've addressed it multiple times.

"So you can predict the future and know that it's not going to go well?"

No, no one can predict the future, but I've lived with her since birth and know who she is, she does this when confronted about anything by anyone.

"How do you approach her, what does she do?"

I warn her that I'm going to address that makes me uncomfortable and I want to discuss changes with her. Either A) she knows what I'm going to address to her and she immediately shuts me up saying she's going to be the mature and wall away from it or ignore it entirely. B) Once I began saying it she again shuts me up and doesn't let me say any of my points by interrupting me and not listening. And the again claims to be the mature by avoiding the conversation or tells me to leave because and her words "things won't go well for me."

"Well you can't control what she does. What can you do to let her know your uncomfortable?"

By addressing her, but like I explained doesn't work.

"So you should give up after 5 tries is what your saying."

No, im just tired of telling her the same thing over and over again because she should not barge in during therapy which I need privacy for.

"Legally she doesn't have to knock."

That doesn't matter, there are unwritten rules of being a parent, for example knocking and waiting for your child, no, teen, to get the door whike they are in therapy.

"Well parents are allowed to be in the same room during therapy because some kids can't be trusted with a device."

I don't need to be monitored because I can be trusted with the device. If I needed monitored my mother would do that or tell Charlie Health that needs to be done.

"But you should still try."

As I've said before I'm tired of doing it, I haven't given up, I still tell her, but it never works, and your making me uncomfortable by pressuring me.

"Your making me uncomfortable because you are arguing with me and saying anything negative you can about my points."

Okay than let's get past this because it's going no where and we both will not agree with each other.

"Yeah but im right and you are not listening so we are continuing. What else does she do?"

When I don't do a chore, which isn't often, I get told I'm lazy. I explain to her that I'm just unmotivated, practicing therapy skills, and that I can't just make myself do it, that's not how it works. So then I feel worse than I do.

"You should still do your chores if she asks. For example if you don't do the dishes because your unmotivated, that is your fault."

I do not have motivation to do them.

"Still if you do this a lot than she's allowed to be mad." (Basically saying my mother is allowed to put me down for being depressed.)

"I don't do this often. The amount I skip chores does not over weigh the amount I do my chores."

"We all have a responsibility. If called Charlie Health and told them I was unmotivated and that my client would have to wait for a sessions, what would happen?"

Being a therapist and house chores are not the same thing–

"How so, they are both responsibilities and have consequences."

You are a therapist, you can be fired for canceling because you just don't want to have a session. However, if I can't do a chore because of depression I get put down and feel even worse than before. If your fired, you are fired. You might be upset, but someone isn't over your shoulder telling you you're feelings aren't valid.

"They are still similar. You are making me uncomfortable by arguing with me."

Earlier I said we could move on but you still want to push me to address my mom about things that make me uncomfortable so she'll stop while telling me I can't control what she does.

"You're scared of communication, what can you do to fix that."

I am not scared of communication, what makes you think that?

"You don't want to address anything to your mother."

I have, I am not scared to do so, I am just drained of doing it because she never listens and it never goes well.

"You should still do it."

Your confusing me, you say I can't control my mother's actions, but you continuously want me to get her to change her actions.

"I never said you had to communicate."

No, you've been pushing me to confront her

"You have unrealistic expectations for your mother."

How are my expectations unrealistic?

"You don't get to tell mom what to do, you are not her parent."

But there are basic things a parent shouldn't do with their child. Like I said earlier, unwritten rules. Especially invading my privacy while I'm in therapy because what is said in therapy stays in therapy unless the runners of the program need to forward it to my mother.

"That is a request that you can make of mom, that she does not have to follow."

Why are we still on this, can we actually have a therapy session where you help me improve my mental health.

"I am trying to help you but you want to argue."

No, I say what's upsetting me and you turn it into an argument.

"Than what am I supposed to do." (<- you are ethe therapist you should know.)

Instead of pushing me to do something I've already done that hasn't and never will work and making me uncomfortable, help me cope with what's happened to me.

"How can I help if you haven't told me what's happened to you."

(To upset and frustrated to continue because she doesn't know how to do her job and I've already talked to her about the trauma I've endured before.) "Just send me the damn quiz so we can get this over with."

And then at the end she said she would be scheduling a family therapy session because she thinks that if both opposing opinions are in the room things will go perfectly fine and we'll understand each other. She's a therapist, not a reporter, my therapy program decides if there's another session not her. This is why I prefer group therapy, I have multiple opinions that can be discuss from different individuals. She would have lost the biggest argument of her life if she was in my group therapy.

[rabbitenn]

may i get trigger sick/comfort hcs? im sick rn and would love for them to take care of me 🤒 thank you! 🙏

IN THE MEANTIME.

You’ve fallen ill and your boyfriend’s care is more effective than any medicine.

ft. Yaotome Gaku, Kujo Tenn, Tsunashi Ryunosuke x gn! reader.

cw/genre: hurt/comfort, fluff, soft boyfriends.

hey nonnie, i hope you get well soon and that this can comfort you a little, dear <3 take care and rest 🩷 the boys from TRIGGER are here for you, mwah !

♡ YAOTOME GAKU

— Big softie. For all his impressive and seemingly intimidating exterior, he’s an absolute gentleman.

— Even though he thinks you look so adorable all tucked in bed clutching onto the covers, cheeks warm, he doesn’t want to see you sick :( and you bet he’s doing all he can to make it better.

— He would be the type to come straight from work to you, with tasty soba from his mother’s shop and any snack he knows you love.

— “Gaku, I can feed myself.” You insist, unable to avoid the chuckle that escapes your parched lips, even if you’re trembling in a cold sweat.

“You need to rest, darling.” Your lover chuckles, taking your hand in his, as he prompts you to recline against the soft pillows. “Let me take care of you for today.” He utters, wiping warm liquid away from your lips. You swear, he makes your cheeks heat up even more than your fever.

“Fine…” You pout, flustered, as your bleary eyes get lost in his tender expression.

— Did you have house chores to do? Well, you have none anymore, your boyfriend takes care of everything: laundry, the dishes, cooking, or ordering your favorite takeout, you don’t have to worry about anything.

— Gaku somewhat knows how to play guitar, so if you’re really bored or feeling too weak to actually get out of bed and do anything, he’ll play your favorite songs for you.

— Watching him focused like this, black t-shirt leaving his strong arms uncovered, perfectly contrasting against his fair skin, silvery strands gracefully falling over his face… it’s enough for you to fall into sweet dreams when exhaustion finally takes over, a welcome respite from the fitful and restless nights prior.

— If you’re feeling up to it, he’ll watch a movie with you. Even if you insist you guys shouldn’t cuddle so close like this, because “What if you get sick too, Gaku…” You whine, cheeks still flushed from your fever, one of his big sweaters on you, leaving one of your shoulders slightly uncovered.

“Then you’ll take care of me, won’t you, my love?” He smiles, placing a loving kiss to your forehead, as his arms circle your waist, pulling you onto his lap.

“Of course I would… but that’s not the point here!” You complain, as your boyfriend peppers your face with kisses.

“I’ll be fine, [Y/n].” He assures, caressing your hair. “Besides, I want to spend time with you.”

“You’re too sweet, dear.” You sigh, leaning against his toned chest, too tired to argue any further.

As long as he can hold you in his protective embrace and care for you now, he’s happy. No matter the consequences (even though he can already picture Tenn’s cat-like scowl if he comes down with a fever too).

♡ KUJO TENN

— The instant he gets home and hears coughing, Tenn’s heart drops. He’s spent most of his childhood watching as his brother became prey of a respiratory illness that kept him confined to a hospital bed more often than not.

— Your boyfriend’s first instinct is to run to you, he really is scared that you have something severe, even though his way of showing concern is through stating “You should take better care of yourself.” at first.

— “I’ll be fine, my love.” You tell him, trying for a smile that turns into another fit of coughing. “I just need to take some medicine… I’ll be home tonight after work…”

— A soft yet strong hand grips your arm. “No, you’re not going anywhere, [Y/n].” Tenn orders, firmly. “You’re burning up and that coughing doesn’t sound good.”

— “It’s just a cold, Tenn…” You try to retort, weakly.

— “I said no.” He insists, making you sit on the couch, as he joins you. With tender touches despite his incisive words, your lover gently wraps around your neck the scarf he was wearing. “If you keep pushing yourself like this, you’ll make it worse.” His hands find yours, squeezing them, a plea disguised by his sharp tone.

“But you do just that all the time…” you mumble with a pout.

“That’s besides the point now.” Is his quick reply, as he averts his gaze to the side, cherry blossom pinks creeping to his cheeks.

“You’re so cute.” You chuckle, it ending up in more coughing.

“Rest for now, please, my [Y/n].” Your boyfriend prompts, his hands resting on your shoulders, as he helps you lay down on the sofa, making sure you’re well tucked into a warm blanket.

— Tenn 100% prepares comfort food for you. Whatever it is your favorite meal, he’ll make it: soup, pancakes, waffles, omurice, cookies, you name it. When he and his brother were little, he tried to make pancakes for the latter, so you can be sure he’s doing the same for you (yes, even if he burns himself or gets stains on his favorite clothes, he loves you and cares for you too much).

— You try to convince him to not come close, to no avail, by the way.

“Since you couldn’t take care of yourself, let me stay like this with you, please.” Tenn utters, his forehead against yours, eyes of sunset clouds fluttering closed, moonrise lashes resting against his cheeks, as he stays close to you.

— “But what if you get si-“

“That won’t stop me from giving a perfect performance.”

That and your defeated sigh are the end of the discussion.

— And since he’s staying with you anyway, you just need to tug on his sleeve and stare up cutely at him to get the one thing that always manages to bring you comfort at times like these (aside from the warmth of his presence next to you, that is).

— With a knowing smile, dark crimson eyes gentle, your angel takes your hand in his, his voice singing for you alone. No matter if it was on or off stage; for a huge crowd or just in the intimacy of your shared room, to you, Tenn always shined brighter than the sun.

♡ TSUNASHI RYUNOSUKE

— Panics a little at first. He just can’t stand the thought of you being unwell.

— However, in the same way he does for his teammates when they fight, Ryu knows he has to be strong for you.

— He’s like the gentle sunlight on an early summer evening by the sea, so honestly, he’s one of the best guys out there when it comes to caring for someone else.

— Having grown up with his younger brothers, he’s no newbie at tending to others’ health.

— And just like his two friends, he’s not one to be deterred by your claims of “Ryu, please, I love you, but don’t come too close, I don’t want you to catch it too…”

“Nonsense, my dear.” He tells you, gentleness lacing his tone. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I couldn’t take care of my partner when they need it?” His strong hand reaches up to cradle your cheek, and you can’t help but lean into his comforting touch.

“But you have work… I can’t allow for you to get sick too because of me…” You murmur, lips pouty.

“I’ll take care of the both of us, [Y/n].” Your lover vows, with a kiss to your knuckles.

For all he denies his constructed image of sensual charm, he certainly does make your heart flutter, you think, entranced by the smoothness of his tanned skin, his silky-looking hair making you want to run your fingers through the chestnut hued strands.

— Ryunosuke is amazing at cooking! (malewife fr /lh), so you bet you’re eating like royalty today (he always treats you like royalty, though, he’s the biggest sweetheart ever).

— I can definitely envision him cooking a dish from his hometown in Okinawa, rich in flavor and aroma, comforting, like a sunny childhood memory shared with a loved one.

— He’s shyer than Gaku (yes, Gaku, we know you’re a shy boy too) so he won’t really offer to feed you. It’s so endearing, you think, the way your boyfriend still blushes when you compliment his cooking or show him affection, even if you’ve already been dating for a while.

— He really just wants to see you smile, and help you make your recovery faster and less arduous. Watching dramas or comedies being one of the pastimes Ryu enjoys, you pick one together.

— You huddle on his bed, cozy blankets strewn around as you sit in between his legs. A comforting warmth begins to settle all around you, so different from the suffocating sensation of your feverish state, while you share an indoorsy evening full of soft laughter and tenderness.

[star-on-a-beach]

Okay um. I really don't like doing this, like, ever

But

Tw for vent post, Bc idk, maybe it'll help if I talk about this where it'll be seen and not on a vent blog where I know no one sees it

So it's pretty obvious that pretty much everything right now is in kind of a shit state and I'm really at the end of my line trying to be optimistic about it. Presidential election, rp, guard, college, art, writing, all of this shit, even stuff I'm supposed to enjoy, makes me want to fucking shatter a rock because I don't want to do anything anymore other than scroll through social media on my phone which, I've probably developed an addiction, and of course that makes me feel even fucking worse bc I told myself I'd never get addicted and look at where I am now

So many things I'm unhappy with are really kind of tying back to me and I'm so angry at everything but especially myself now, but theres nothing I feel like I can do about it but try and break it all down I guess?

There's shit going on with color guard and, other than the friends I've made within it and the actual performances, I don't fucking enjoy it anymore because our coach is apparently super fucking shitty and a liar and unfair and argumentative and never sticks with the drill she writes and doesn't give us the resources to put it together correctly, WHEHN SHES LITERALLY OUR COACH AND THATS HER JOB, IVE TRIED SO HARD TO STAY KIND TO HER BUT WITH EVERYONE AROUND ME TALKING SHIT AND TALKING ABOUT WHAT A BAD PERSON SHE IS IM STARTING TO DO IT TOO AND I HATE IT

And then obviously there's the actual schoolwork that needs to get done, I thought I had not one, not two, but 3 FUCKING ESSAYS DUE ON THE 11TH, WHICH WERE ASSIGNED TO US ON WEDNESDAY, AND EACH HAD TO BE 700 WORDS LONG. Granted it doesn't actually have to be like that but teachers are talking about finals now and I'm going to have SO many essays for that and I have a whole debate too. I'm tired and sick of waking up at ridiculously different times for classes and not being able to have a goddamn nap bc I'm either working, procrastinating with the screens addiction again, or I don't have enough time because god knows I can't take power naps for SHIT, and I'm not fucking paying for coffee in this economy

I can't even relax how I normally want to because I'm so tired from everything, too. Writing big things for TAOCC or drawing feels like a chore, and then I feel obligated to draw others characters or I want to actually do so but I have no energy for it, and I can't get my art to look how I want it to perspective-wise, no matter how many tutorials I look at, and it never ends up the way I want and I haven't even finished TAOCCTOBER or Memoryquest, both of which I feel shitty for, because then they're both more things that I'm giving up on, and I give up on so much shit so easily unless I'm being pushed over and over and over and over, although rn I really wanna just say to hell with it and kill both of them entirely

And with taocc as a whole, I don't even know where to begin. I mentioned in my earlier post that I'm struggling to be assertive and actually say what I want with RP, which results in me feeling really unsatisfied with it a lot. I feel like people aren't interested in my characters and I need to be the one trying to build the characters' connections by asking questions, which. I love when other characters ask mine questions, because so much would be revealed if PEOPLE JUST ASKED. I know you guys don't mean it in this way but I feel like I'm trying to push all of this out, but I barely get anything back except for maybe one question or comment or smth, but it feels like the characters aren't interested in my characters' pasts, and that means the mods aren't either. Which, is really no fault of yours, whether you are or not, it's my fault because I can't bring myself to get off my high horse and actually say "hey, are you willing to have your characters ask about mine?" because I have the firm mentality of "if they wanted to, they would", and I'm trying to make other characters feel important while also craving mine to feel important, but the moment they do, I wonder if I'm taking the main-character roles too much and I need to even it out so I immediately divert the attention back to yours and feel shitty about it. Once again, this is no one's fault but mine, and this is partially why my relationship with my last rp partner, aka my ex bsf, ended, because I wasn't assertive enough and kept wondering if I was hogging the spotlight any time focus did switch to my characters which just isn't enjoyable for anyone. So I'm angry and terrified that these patterns which are repeating are going to lead to a similar outcome.

It isn't even just that though, I just really hate how I write as a whole rn. I used to be so poetic and good with words but now they read difficult unless I'm writing a great wall of text, and my characters aren't acting the way I want to, partially because I'm trying to morph them to get along more with other characters and diminish their flaws so they're liked by others, but it just takes away from who they were originally and I hate that as well. It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the rp but for fucks sake I expect myself to be a better writer than this.... and I haven't even gotten around to fixing the fucked-up-with-a-side-of-cheddar timelines, which have been NAGGING at my mind for FUCK KNOWS HOW LONG, but once again, I don't even want to do anything anymore and I get mad bc the only things I wanna do are just self indulgent shit and like hell I'm asking for that from anyone (see, that's part of the problem, right there.)

I think the only thing I hate more than not being assertive with rp is the fact that I'm an adult among you all. Yes, being 18 now while the majority of you are minors is a massive fucking deal to me, and I'm realizing why exactly adults generally avoid friendships like this, because I'm constantly worried about being a good example to you all. I have to have the good advice, I have to be available, I have to be good with assertiveness and boundaries, hell part of the reason I try and avoid venting so much is because you all do not fucking need to have that burden. Every time I do something like this post I immediately think "these are kids and I'm an adult, it's kids trying to help an adult who should not be saying this stuff or laying this burden on them", as if I'm some kind of weirdo. I really try my damndest to not be one of those adults who dumps all their problems on adolescents in order to feel better about their own shitty life, I don't want to be the adult who their younger friends are comforting all the time and have that burden on them (yes, I am completely aware this post contradicts that, and yes, I am very ashamed but I feel Im at rock bottom and you guys deserve to know (but don't deserve the burden of it)). I don't feel like the example I want to be to you guys, I'm incredibly dense, and half the time, I feel like an oblivious idiot for the simplest fucking things in rp even when no one says anything that implies any of you guys think that. I get so annoyed as well, and that's another part I especially hate, it's that I get annoyed with the smallest things so damn easily, whether it's someone saying something random in call and breaking silence, or someone talking about a subject after we've moved on, or a rant that's gone on for a really long time. All of those are ridiculous things to be annoyed by, and I'm completely aware of that. I'm not proud of it whatsoever. It might also be the weather, but I'm so, so, so annoyed by so many tiny, insignificant things nowadays that it's ridiculous, and I've snapped on call a few times which I feel horrible about. I'm trying so hard to be a good, strong role model for all of you, because that's what you deserve and I want to be like that for you. But, both here and in real life, my own idiocy and density and emotions make me feel like I'm never going to escape being a dense, emotional, spacy child who keeps trying to catch up. And as an adult, I'm really, really, really upset that I feel like this because once again, you guys are the minors, not me. I'm not saying you guys should feel like that (I really hope not, no one should feel like that), but it feels even worse since I'm trying to be the adult for you guys to look up to, but I'm looking up to all of you instead. And then, even worse, I get jealous. Not of the bad shit you guys go through, but like. Insignificant things. Art styles, friends, activities, actually having your family around. I really hate myself for being jealous of that and always comparing and trying to match it since it's completely hypocritical of me otherwise.

I'm closing up this vent, but tw for some darker themes in the next paragraph

I'm really just kind of sick of life as a whole. I'm done being an adult, to hell with this, just let me be the younger friend again so I don't have to see myself as an old baby. I'm tired of all of this and the dark jokes I make, they're horrible, but they're becoming more common and I think about the content of them a lot. I'm so tired of this shit and feeling like this and I'm mad and ashamed that I'm making this post because of everything I said above. I'm so done with everything. To hell with this country, to hell with my future, to hell with drawing and writing and trying to put stuff out. At the time of writing this I'm crying, because I'm really really missing my dad. I want to hug him and be with him. I want my family overall to be okay. I want to feel happy and content with myself and my life like back in summer. I'm so sorry for having to say all this but it's the truth and, again, this is my last resort for trying to feel better because hell knows I don't have the initiative to make an appointment and talk to a therapist on campus. Ik this will go away later but ffs i don't know if I can wait until later.

Ok, heavy vent part is over

I've said a lot so I'm ending it here. If you choose to ignore this, that's fine. I'd appreciate some kind of acknowlegement, tbh, whether it's a like or a comment or something, or just a kind word (whatever you do, please don't just put *hug* and leave it at that, hugs dont really feel like they have much more meaning at this point). It feels ridiculous to ask you for comfort especially after kinda dumping all of this here for you guys to see but I might as well try ig. Idk, I'm gonna just try and not delete this out of shame.

I hope you all know that I love you guys so, so, so, so much. This community has brought me so much joy and leaving is the last thing I'd ever dream of unless I had to. I hope you guys don't mind me doing this too much. Logically Ik you probably don't but, really, none of what I just vented about is based in logic regardless.

Thank you for reading, whether it was skimming or fully reading it. Kind words are appreciated but obviously not forced and I love you guys so much. Goodnight ❤️

[pileofblanks]

WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEUROTYPICALS GET SHOTS OF DOPAMINE AFTER COMPLETING A TASK OR A CHORE????????????????

Like that's apparently an actual thing????? Fr???? What???????

Whenever im finished doing a chore i dont get like any satisfaction or a positive feeling at all from that, the only 'positive' thing about it is that i go from feeling terrible to feeling neutral at best like. I dont feel any satisfaction or happiness or anything after finishing a task.

Like right now i finally managed to get myself to throw out the trash because it was there in my room for too long and started to rot and smelled really bad. Threw it out. I got no possitive feeling about doing that at all no satisfaction or anything bit at least it doesnt smell bad here anymore.

I never get any satisfaction about cleaning my room like ever????

The only possitive thing about it is that it keeps my hands occupied when im listening to a stream or a podcast and dont feel like jist sitting there, i wanna move, hence why i dont mind sweeping the floor all that much as other chores,

But like i dont feel good or anything after im done with the task

No wonder this shit's easier for neurotypicals when you get a shot of dopamine for that

Man this actually explains some things about how i work and why i really dont wanna do some stuff when i dont see that much joy in the activity of doing it

Like rn with studying - im just tired as hell from studying and cant bring myself to do it at all when im alone, but when im with others and im reading it aloud/explaining it to them/ hearing their thoughts about it/just having them around and listening to them talk about whatever while i mark things down or underline it in my notes, it makes the activity so so much more bearable, because i dont get any rewards for it when im doing it alone vs it becoming a lot more engaging with others around

(Plus the fact that others are around makes them be able to hold me accountable and stuff instead of when im alone - noone can hold me accountable so like why cant i do a much more fun and engaging activity)

Do neurotypicals also get a dopamine shot after finishing studying for the day???? Or being finaly done with a chapter or something??? Is that a thing?? Because it kinda isn't for me at all....

Anyway im rambling at this point but the point still stands, i dont get a dopamine boost after completing tasks.

[dogtiber]

.

hello I am having a dog thought overwhelm today and also a general overwhelm woo please feel free to ignore me I am just working out some feelings

I feel like I haven’t been doing much with Tiber lately just because there’s so much going on rn

my to do list is miles long today too and will be for a while until I work my way through everything I need to do

but I feel BadTM about it. partner has been getting frustrated with us lately because it feels like his separation anxiety has backslid a little

(we let him sleep on the couch with us for a few nights because with Things Going On we were too stressed to deal with getting up/his whining, so we just let him stay with us to prevent it altogether. but now he seems more Upset than usual about being put to bed in his crate. it was likely not the smartest move but when we’re both tired and I’m disabled-exhausted and he’s getting-up-at-1am-for-work-several-days-in-a-row-exhausted we were kind of at the end of our rope for a bit)

but I am so sleepy and so tired right now but it is nearly impossible to catch up on the rest I need with Puppy.

we sent him to daycare on Sunday to give us some time to catch up on house work/get him some dog socialization time, but like even then. we spent the whole time cleaning the house, not resting.

we’re managing but I am becoming Increasingly Distressed about it and it is fine and we will get through it but bleegghggrrrgh

I really want to do more reading/research on dog training and esp on separation anxiety (since that’s our biggest problem with him rn) ((but also ADHD brain is getting overwhelmed and is having trouble focusing on that because there’s SO MANY important things we need to work on him right now too. like recall. oh my god his recall training has been going so bad. well like not *bad* but he is not really getting it at all. and I’m starting to feel like I need to change up our approach…but that requires reading and learning about different ones…which brings us back to…)) but because im so TIRED I just don’t have the brainpower to focus on that.

I think I’m extra emotionally distressed because partner and I had a tense upset moment yesterday. I didn’t really take Tiber out after his morning walk because he was asleep most of the day and wasn’t asking, or even eating or drinking much, too busy sleeping (I assume being tired from daycare the previous day) and when partner went to take him out, Tiber I guess couldn’t hold it and peed by the front door while he was getting his gloves on. which. was my fault for sure. I should have taken him out even if he wasn’t indicating he needed to go. but *I* wanted to nap too. so I just slept while Tiber slept and let us keep napping. and partner, after a long day at work, was extra frustrated and upset.

and it’s fine and we talked through the outburst and cleaned up and made up. but I’m on edge a little after it. just RSD kicking in I think. but still emotionally draining.

and the other day, partner asked if I could spend more time on the dog training at home, and worry less about household chores and that he’d take over more of that responsibility instead but I personally just don’t feel like this is going to be an effective solution?

(a lot of this is because our approaches dog training are…different. he just hasn’t had as much time to do training research because his job is busy, and that plus his prior childhood experiences with raising pets was…I would say less than ideal. his parents’ attitudes towards raising animals were/are. uh. questionable at best if not outright bad. (I constantly want to kidnap their cat she is having such a bad time over there.) so him trying to take over Tiber Time to give me a break and some rest time usually ends up with me involved anyway, because I’m trying to gently nudge him from doing things that might be aversive (gentle stuff, he’s not kicking the dog or anything, but I don’t super love his first line approach being to tug firmly away from things he shouldn’t have instead of trying to call or redirect attention first, for example. obviously sometimes just grabbing him is necessary if there’s a danger but like. if it’s a sock on the ground outside or whatever) or from asking Tiber for too much and not really getting the idea of setting him up for success, or trying to pair a cue without Tiber having learned the behavior first. and none of this is the end of the world but like. I don’t want to have to change a cue because it was poisoned or unteach a bad habit or counter condition something he taught. and maybe this is my control issues coming into play but like I also think it’s important to set Tiber up for as much success as possible.)

((but also like. I’m a little frustrated also that he’d rather change around how our household works than to just. sit down and watch the videos/read the articles I send him.))

((I also get frustrated because sometimes the thing I need help with most is just staying with Tiber while I go downstairs to tidy up or take a shower or whatever. but he wants to go up to the loft to game and I don’t begrudge him this because it’s how he unwinds and also spends time with his brother, but when he does I get limited to upstairs with Tiber and can’t get anything done elsewhere.))

it’s been double hard lately because of Tiber’s vomiting and tummy troubles. vet has him on just his kibble and has allowed some plain boiled chicken for treats while we’re working out what’s up, but that means I can’t give as many options for kongs or longer lasting chews or whatever to keep him busy.

so even if I had “more time” to work with the dog, I can’t dog train all day, and I still have to watch him between sessions so he doesn’t puppy chew the house apart. and I can’t distract and occupy him as well right now without access to high value treats and likis and things. (he won’t really work for his kibble unless he’s *really* hungry and I’m not interested in starving him for the sake of some peace.) me doing chores is not really the problem I just need help watching the dog. and also a nap.

also this has reminded me that we’re out of chicken to boil so I need to get more because we have literally no treats for Tiber in this house rn.

and it’s fine and we’ll see how things go for a while first but I desperately need some quality sleep and rest to be able to actually functionally tackle anything right now and that’s just not happening currently. 🙃

and as my to do list gets longer ADHD brain wants to go more and more off the rails.

and I am just feeling dejected and overwhelmed and like I’m not enough.

bleh. I should get breakfast that’s probably where I should start. and then maybe try to grocery delivery some chicken for Tiber? I’d rather go down to the butcher but tbh I think I’m too tired for that long of a walk rn (even if it’s only 5 mins. I tired.)

I need hand holding and someone to start me on tasks man. girl help my executives are dysfunctioning.

[familyvideostevie]

hi !! can i make a request for domestic fluff with our stevie boy. i’m craving it so bad rn, literally anything from like waking up in the morning with him after moving in together to doing household chores with him - i just NEED.

also just a quick like, thank you for putting your time into this blog, i love your writing so much i think you and upsidedownwithsteve are like my top two writers for steve on this app, i cannot get enough. i dabble in writing here and there but my adhd never lets me finish my wip’s but going through and reading both of your blogs always gets me in the writing mood and i’m pretty sure you guys are the reason i’ve improved too if im being honest. anyways sorry for rambling lolz, just wanted to thank you and praise you for your work bc it’s actually amazing and im love with it <333

wow!! you are so kind to say all of those nice things!!!! <3 u r wonderful. i loooooove this idea, too! thank you for your patience <3 i just wanted to get it right, so here is folding laundry w steve! | 1.2k, fluff fluff fluff, fem!reader

Chore days with Steve are maybe your favorite days. The small apartment you're renting takes quite a bit of elbow grease to keep clean, so you tend to split up the responsibilities and tackle it all at once. Today Steve is cleaning the floors and on kitchen duty while you're handling the bathroom, dusting, and the laundry.

You've hardly seen him -- most of the morning has been you yelling back and forth from different rooms when you sneeze and he says bless you, and singing along to the radio. Every time you pass each other in the hallway Steve pauses to kiss you quick and hard, delighted as if he had no idea you'd be there.

"What're you doing here looking so pretty?" he says. "Unbelievable." In short, your chore days are full of laughter and love. After the bathroom has been scrubbed and the kitchen has been wiped and there's no more dust and Stave has swept and mopped and you've helped him vacuum you find yourself on the floor of your small living room with the basket of fresh, unfolded laundry, just waiting for him.

Okay, this is actually your favorite part: folding the laundry together. Even when Steve does the wash when you're at work or you do it in the middle of the week you both save the folding until you're together. Even if it causes some wrinkles, but who cares -- you just love to sit on the floor and talk while you do it.

"Are you waiting for me?" Steve says, folding the chord of the vacuum and shoving it into the small hall closet.

"'Course I am. But no rush."

"I've been looking forward to this all day, baby. Nothing hotter than pairing up your socks." He grins at you as he fights with the door, giving it a shove that's a little harder than necessary in his need to be on the floor with you.

"Yeah, since you just end up stealing so many of them!" He winks at you and you laugh.

"Shit, I'm so hungry." He plops down on the other side of the basket, the pile of clothes between you as he reaches for a shirt of yours and starts folding. "Cleaning is hard work."

"You say that every time we have chore day, Steve." He smirks and starts to tell you about something Robin did at work this week. Obviously talking to him is great, but you love this routine because you get to just look at him for most of it. Steve looks divine, as always, tired but happy, glowing in the afternoon light of your home. Your chest is a mess of fondness and warmth, your happiness so strong you think it must be shining out of you like sunbeams. Your fingers brush every once in a while and your cheeks heat like it's the first time. Steve wiggles his eyebrows at you whenever he finds a pair of your underwear or a bra, but he folds them tenderly the way you like even as you roll your eyes at him.

It's just laundry, but it's peaceful, it's soft, and it's your life. You're folding clothes that belong to the boy you love in the home you have together. Sometimes it feels like a dream.

"I was serious about being hungry. What do you want for dinner?" Steve asks when you reach the bottom of the basket.

"Well, I don't want us to ruin the spotless kitchen you worked so hard on." You finish off the last pair of socks -- Steve's, with cats on them.

"We could go for a drive and get some burgers. And maybe milkshakes?" He stands and stretches, the soft skin of his stomach and the dark trail of hair exposed. You don't even pretend you aren't staring. He catches you and looks down at himself. "We should probably change first."

He's in mismatched socks and boxers and a t-shirt that's been shrunk and is a little too short for him. You love him so much.

"No, I like you like that."

"Oh, you do, do you? Like me with my belly button out? I see how it is."

"I mean, I look like I got dressed in the dark." Steve reaches down to pull you up, spreading your arms over the laundry basket to look at your outfit. You're in pj pants and a t-shirt that was clearly a gas station buy -- you think Robin bought it and Steve stole it -- and no socks at all. He's looking at you like you're magic.

"Don't even get me started on how you look," he says, his voice deep and gravelly, bright eyes trailing over you. You never feel more beautiful, more wanted, more loved, than when Steve is looking at you.

"Well, good thing we have all these clean clothes," you say, pulling your hands from his to grab a pair of jeans from one of the piles for him. "Put these on. They make your ass look good. Keep the shirt, though." He flushes, flicking his hair back as he takes the Levi's from you.

"My ass always looks good!" He's pouting and you want to kiss him. You just laugh, even though he's right. He snags a pair of jean shorts for you and hands them over before he pulls on his own pants. You shed your bottoms right there in the living room and tug on the clean ones. You can feel his eyes on you the entire time, a gaze you're used to and crave even though as makes you shiver.

"Eyes to yourself, Harrington," you say sternly. "I want a burger and you will not get in my way."

"You sure about that?" He steps around the empty basket and over the piles of folded clothes to slide his palms into your back pockets. "Standing there in a shirt that's probably mine --"

"I think it's Robin's actually, Steve," you interrupt.

"--and taking your pants off in front of me?" he continues over you. "It's like you're trying to seduce me. In my own home!"

"Well, is it working?"

"It's always working, baby." You slide your hands onto his exposed midriff and feel his warm skin, the edges of the scars he no longer hides. Steve leans in to kiss you and you're smiling so wide, unable to contain the happiness. It feels impossible that you're going to spend the rest of your life this happy.

"Food, Steve!" you say against his mouth. He pulls away, a thumb coming to brush against your lower lip.

"Yeah, yeah. There are like, a million dirty things I could say right now, you know?"

"I'm sure there are, baby," you say, patting his cheek. "C'mon." You extract yourself from his hold to put your shoes on, leaving the laundry to be put away for when you're back.

"Hey," Steve says, grabbing his keys and sliding into his sneakers. He just looks at you for a second, face soft and his lips quirked into a small smile. "I love you."

"Hey," you say. "I love you back."

tags: @cheerupbarry @srrybutno @97soroka @sunlitide @gloryofroses19 @carpediem1219 @themarvelousbee @sunshinehollandd @katsukis1wife @imherefortea @spideyboipete @lonelywidow @louderfortheback @actual-mom-steve-harrington @steveharringtonscarkeys @pennyllanne

want to be added to my tag list? send me a message and specify for steve, eddie, or both!

reblog, send feedback, requests open, masterlist here!

[fairybaby777]

hi 😵‍💫 anon here. im going to keep this sweet and short because i would love to dm if you can. i tried to work on self concept for the past two weeks and my manifestations are still not here. i know people say you shouldn’t say “it isn’t here” or you’ve “been trying”, but i haven’t said that for the past two weeks. it’s true, i genuinely haven’t gotten it despite my persistence. i only tried for the void occasionally because i knew i was so dependent on it. for the first week, i was so strong. i stayed in the state of knowing and affirmed for self concept occasionally whenever i doubted. but still nothing. im so lost, confused and scared. my sadness has turned into anger because ive tried every method and technique and anything you could possibly do. I KNOW how to manifest and ive applied it, i HAVENT been on Tumblr a lot for the past two weeks. so what could i possibly be doing wrong? ik you say if you assume you’re doing something wrong then that’s what gonna happen. but i never did in the past two weeks until now. my assumptions about myself and manifesting were amazing and still nothing. what could i possibly be missing? i tried to make it fun and less like a chore, but i can’t keep failing.. i only have a week less. i know you say you can’t fail if you believe you can’t, but i did believe that up until now. this is victim mentality, but it’s true. ive had so many deadlines that ive consistently missed but I CANT miss this one. during the week of my amazing self concept, this actually got worse in my reality. which makes no sense. WHAT DO I DO?? im scared and im tired of constantly fighting and being in this loop for 3 years now. im so so tired, i just need someone to tell me what im doing wrong and i know ITS MY REALITY AND I MAKE THE RULES… but if it was, i would have what ive been trying to manifest for the past three years. ive taken breaks and then worked on self concept and applied the “decide what you want and persist in the new story.” i ignored everything that was contradicting my new story and KNEW it would change. but it HASNT. all my deadlines and failed manifestations are crashing in on me and im so overwhelmed rn.

hi, firstly love u but this is anything but sweet and short but i am going to keep my response to you sweet and short; as much as you say you are living in the end it sounds to me like you’re checking the 3D and in a state of waiting for it to come. the reason it hasnt shown up in your 3D yet is because you’re in the state of waiting & knowing it’s not here yet. i know that’s hard to hear because you feel like you’ve done everything you possibly can but i promise that this law is real and if you were truly living in the end you would have your desire. what i advise you to do is close your eyes and for several minutes just really feel like you have your desire. what does it feel like? how does it feel ? when you open your eyes try to maintain this state of having. that is what living in the end is. just aligning your thoughts with how they’d be if you had your desire already

[monsterenergysimp]

Permanence

corpse husband x fem!reader 

summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you 

warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing

word count: 1.9k

notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)

main blog @itsmysleepover

read part 2 here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.

“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.

On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.

“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.

“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”

Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.  

“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.

“I told you guys I was ruthless!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.

C: hey :)

You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?

Y: Hii! This is sudden

C: was i bothering you?

    shit sorry!

Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn

C: how has your day been

    i dont usually do stuff like this

Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored

C: what were you doing that was so terrible

Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(

C: im sure youll find something to do

You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.

Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo

C: what?

    NO!

You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.

Y: [image] it came out nice!

C: thats  super cool actually

    i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and       youre super talented

Y: Thank you!

For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.

Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch

    [link]

C: ill be watching ;)

What’s that supposed to mean?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.

C: wanna talk?

You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.

Y: Yeah id love to talk

Here goes nothing.

Y: Wanna facetime or something?

     No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call

     I think facetime is just my default lol

You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.

Still no message.

Why am I so fucking stupid?  

Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.

C: sure lets facetime

    xxx-xxx-xxxx

You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.

“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.

“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.

“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”

“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”

“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”

“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”

“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”

“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”

“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”

“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.

“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”

He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”

You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).

“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”

[hauntedtrait]

vent/rant tw

i hate hate hate having gringo roommates, they never think about anyone but themselves, can’t be assed to lift a finger to help someone unless it benefits them in some way, and it drives me nuts

my roommate isnt home much so i dont mind the way chores are distributed rn where i have more/most of them, i work from home anyways and while i am disabled, i just do them whenever i’m able to. but one thing that irks me is SHE KNOWS im disabled, i have a hard time with stairs. she walks her able bodied ass down those stairs every day to go to work. but she never takes out the trash unless i explicitly and specifically ask for it.

it just kinda blows my mind that being courteous and helping people just isn’t second nature to some people? maybe it’s because i’m latino and have always lived in a very communal culture where everyone helps each other out. or maybe its cuz idk, im a decent person. when she first moved in i constantly offered to do things for her -- and still do, to a lesser extent -- ive offered to learn vegetarian recipes to cook for her bc i know she doesnt have time to cook, i used to always ask if she needed anything whenever i got groceries/did errands, like, that’s just instinctual to me. mostly she’s declined my offers (though she has accepted on occasion) but never ever ever reciprocated or offered absolutely anything in return. and yk, i dont usually ask or require anything from anyone when i do things for them. but we barely talk, she doesnt help around the house, she does the bare minimum and then has the gall to complain when something is not to her liking. bitch idk maybe do the dishes for once in ur life. so i got tired of that shit and now i have to like actively stop myself from asking her if she needs/wants anything from the store etc. but good god i wish she’d just AT LEAST TAKE OUT THE DAMN TRASH.

i try not to complain much abt her bc she’s still better than my old roommate who starved my cats, stole shit from me, lied to me, would leave food out to rot, and did a number of other rage inducing shit. but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH 

[leieatsmen]

hi 😵‍💫 anon here. im going to keep this sweet and short because i would love to dm if you can. i tried to work on self concept for the past two weeks and my manifestations are still not here. i know people say you shouldn’t say “it isn’t here” or you’ve “been trying”, but i haven’t said that for the past two weeks. it’s true, i genuinely haven’t gotten it despite my persistence. i only tried for the void occasionally because i knew i was so dependent on it. for the first week, i was so strong. i stayed in the state of knowing and affirmed for self concept occasionally whenever i doubted. but still nothing. im so lost, confused and scared. my sadness has turned into anger because ive tried every method and technique and anything you could possibly do. I KNOW how to manifest and ive applied it, i HAVENT been on Tumblr a lot for the past two weeks. so what could i possibly be doing wrong? ik you say if you assume you’re doing something wrong then that’s what gonna happen. but i never did in the past two weeks until now. my assumptions about myself and manifesting were amazing and still nothing. what could i possibly be missing? i tried to make it fun and less like a chore, but i can’t keep failing.. i only have a week less. i know you say you can’t fail if you believe you can’t, but i did believe that up until now. this is victim mentality, but it’s true. ive had so many deadlines that ive consistently missed but I CANT miss this one. during the week of my amazing self concept, this actually got worse in my reality. which makes no sense. WHAT DO I DO?? im scared and im tired of constantly fighting and being in this loop for 3 years now. im so so tired, i just need someone to tell me what im doing wrong and i know ITS MY REALITY AND I MAKE THE RULES… but if it was, i would have what ive been trying to manifest for the past three years. ive taken breaks and then worked on self concept and applied the “decide what you want and persist in the new story.” i ignored everything that was contradicting my new story and KNEW it would change. but it HASNT. all my deadlines and failed manifestations are crashing in on me and im so overwhelmed rn.

pleaseee message mee i’m more than welcome to talk to you and help you!!

[deadgrantaires]

i think perhaps ritalin IS making me irritable but. i still dont think its just Irritable Juice be sent up to my brain by magic of the pill!! i think its bc when i come down from ritalin at like 3p im sooo sleepy exhausted my whole world slows down. and i cant do anything and i THINK. my anxiety is vaguely there not enough that i notice it and take my meds about it since my sleepy is so overwhelming but i think that must be whats hitting me. to make me so annoyed. bc then im full of anxiety energy vibrating but soo slowed downa nd sleepy. that m bodys totally at war and i cant do anything to calm it bc im too tired to do chore thing and too amped and too much left to do to do relax thing (doesnt help that i still have. suuuuch low interest in ALL my hobbies rn so those are never really "fun"" for me anyway. lol)

trying to figure this out and its frustrating to learn the cons of a new med espeically when ive just. as lwyas jsut CONSTANTLY have a lto going on forever. taking my cat in for her dental rechek up tomorrow and then have to take my car in tuesday and THEN. gonna see my pcp again and do. a ritalin realtalk lol. gah. plus my constant money anxiety is seriosuly fucking me up U_U wanna retail therapy about it but. u see how that doesnt work lol. anyway U_U7

[bats-in-the-snow]

Hi hi Milky Id love to hear about your OCs yes? Backstories or anything I just like listening about characters ly<3

HI OH MY GOD ILY /P

HEHEHEHHE IM GONNA JIST TELL U ABT MY FAVS, TELING U ABT ALL OF THEM WOULD TAKE WAY TOO LONG

tw: drug abuse, death, truama mentions

Jax! Hes a 19 year old who lives with his mother Alice on her farm. She technically works as a marine biologist, leaving for a couple months at time for work. Thankfully, Jax knows how to take care of the animals, and loves doing it, getting his chores done after work each day. Hes dating Gutz and Tabs, two people he met at his job at a percing parlor. He had a run in with a man named Jason, who's awful, and I wont get into him. Hes truamatized from the event, but his mother and partners help him alot. He seems unapproachable and mean at first glance, but hes a kind and loving bat, even if he doesnt look it. Jax still lives at home because of his mother's age and the farm, as well as what happended with alices husband as his siblings. But thats a story for another day.

Gutz! He was born in a litter, and is the runt of the pack, making him much smaller then normal. Animals heights and body types are very different from their human ane hybrid counterparts, making it known some can be as towering as a giant, or a small as a cat standing on its hind paws. Hes only close with two of his brothers, Milo and Oliver, not having a great connection with his mother, father, the rest of his litter, or the recent litter of babies his mother gave birth to. Hes easy to ignore, with his height and quietness - unless hes with Jax or Tabs. Once hes with them, hes loud and unapologetic for it, always laughing and joking, and is just very nice to be around, if you can appreciate his humor and Tumblr references. He lives in a small apartment, but manages to live comfortably. He works at the same piercing parlor as Jax, that being how they met.

Tabs! Hes a chill, but very strange hybrid. He makes a living by working at the same tattoo parlor as Jax, and singing for money on the weekends. Hes lving out a van given to him by an old family friend when he heard about his situation before he died. He lives in it, his parents having died when he was 14, their old house now rotting away. They were drug addicts, and his father shot his mother and then himself in an acid induced rage. But, Tabs has managed to make an living for himself, and is happy despite his dead parents. Hes charasmatic and easy to get along with, kind, but blunt with his words. Hes loving and affectionate, always there when you need a good hug. He's been offered a home with Jax and his mother, but hes always refused, even if they don't know why.

heres some drawings of these three! theyre way more complicated and i have more ocs, but im lazy heheheh (sorry tabs is just a doodle, im too tired to do a finished one rn, buy i will eventually heehee) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ABT THEM i love them all sm (also the moodboard is old but i rlly like it so)

[kvgehiras]

waaaa i'm sure whatever you have typed up is great!! if you ever decide to post it, i'll look forward to it ♡

cough cough SO UM,,, ik this is oddly specific but i hope you don't mind aha .. a character of your choice with someone who has some important exams coming up soon, maybe?? i've like ... procrastinated like all of my work and slept through the entire few weeks before,, so i'm currently on the brink of eternal sleep (my fault, wholly, really) i don't mind who, just pick your favourite/s!!

thank you in advance!! qwq

hello again anon!! THANK U AAAA i might post it after the current event ends bcs im busy grinding lately lol but i will post it soon so i hope u like it ehe ;; as for ur schedule PLS SLEEP !!!! i do know the feeling off not doing any of ur work nd just resting but sometimes it's ok anon! studying when ur not feeling like it will only feel like a chore nd u probably wont be able to retain any of it. so study when u want to, bcs while exams r important, so r u hehe <3 anyways here r the charas!! wrote a lil scenario for mika, leo, nd rei!! hope u like it <3

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

KAGEHIRA MIKA

• mika overworks himself alot, mainly bcs he just wants to prove, to himself and others, that he is worthy of being a part of valkyrie

• but he still likes being a lil spoon when yall r cuddling (o˘◡˘o)

• while he is a powerful artist when hes on stage, he just melts when hes in ur arms yk!!!!

• so he doesnt mind it when lately u seem to be slacking off a bit more than usual bcs he gets more cuddles from u !!!!! #mika1stwin

• but when u suddenly stop out of nowhere nd even refuse to come out of ur room at times bcs uve procrastinated ur work too much nd if u do not finish going through ur material then ur doomed to fail nd oh lord-

• "(y/n)?"

• u look up at ur bf nd hes standing beside u- w his stuff in his hands.....?

• "ah ya see.....ya've been lookin' a lil stressed lately so i thought abt.....helpin' u like this! idk what is troublin' ya, but im here to always listen! :D"

• u break into a grin, one mika had missed so much, nd grab his cheeks to plant a kiss on his cheek

• nd still keeping ur hands where they are, u pull away to look at his bright red face

• "thank u mika... ill always be here for u too, ok?"

• nd he quickly nods, scared to meet ur eyes, esp bcs of the close proximity of ur faces rn

• what a lil baby

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

TSUKINAGA LEO

• leo is honestly the last person u want to see when ur trying to finish learning ur material,,,that too in a rush

• like!!!!! u love him u rlly do but this bitch will start doodling abt his inspiration nd all nd ur brain just cant focus yk

• that, nd also that if u dont give him Any attention At All he will literally wither away nd basically refuse to sleep nd WILL stare at u till u give him kissies (nd he alrdy doesnt sleep enough........ sigh)

• so when he wakes up in the middle of the night (the one night u managed to somehow get him to bed) nd doesnt see u in the room a part of him panics

• he quickly calls out for u nd when he hears u respond from the study room, he opens the door to see u slowly turn around from ur chair, tired, shoulders slumped over

• immediately rushing over, leo tightly wraps u in a hug, a hand running through ur hair

• "(Y/N)!!!!!!!!! WHERE WERE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT THE ALIENS KIDNAPPED U!!!!?!!???!!!!!!! DONT LEAVE ME AGAINNNNNN ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

• "leo it's 2 am.......nd also i didn't leave u, u know? im right here!"

• the exhaustion was very evident in ur voice, so much so that leo pulled away only to squint his eyes at u nd go "r u not ok? u sound tired ...... gasp r u DYING????????? NOOOOO U CANT DIE UR MY INSPIRATION!!!!!!!!"

• "leo thats v sweet nd while yes i Am dying im not leaving u it's ok"

• leo smiles, which turns into a grin, nd then he suddenly gasps again nd oh lord what idea is it this time

• "(y/n)!!!!! how abt i sleep here????????"

• ".....huh?"

• "YEA!!!!!! didn't u leave that room so u wouldn't disturb me?????? but im lonely so......ill just sleep on ur lap then, ok? ok! good nightttt!!!!!!!!"

• nd then he places his head on ur lap, the other half on his body relying on the chair he was previously sitting on for support

• while he isnt wrong abt the disturbance part.....he does look content here.......nd he does feel lonely so ......

• mayb u just gotta learn today what u can wing everything at this point...... it's gonna be ok . probably....?

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

SAKUMA REI

• unlike the other two, rei wouldn't even have to guess that ur not doing ok, he would just Know

• nd what does he do to help? flirt w u nd get u to let him teach u obv!

• he Knows it's not rlly teaching, nd so do u, but what can u do when he looks at u w those puppy eyes of his, nd says that he'll do anything nd everything in his power to always help u

• so when he does take in whatever u have to study he..... he realises he's Also bad at this

• good job rei rlly helps out a ton!

• anyways to make up for it, nd also stick w his promise to help u, he tells u to go through the material, nd explain it to him! he heard somewhere that it works bcs it forces u to rlly understand the concept instead of memorising it nd u think it should work

• but oh god how is it supposed to work when rei keeps looking at u w stars in his eyes, nd his hand suddenly grabs urs nd he circles his thumb on the back of ur hand nd IS HE FLIRTING IN THE MIDDLE OF A STUDY SESSION

• rei playfully quirks an eyebrow when he sees u get flustered nd just . lay ur head on the table w sigh nd just whine

• "REIIIIIIIII I HAVE TO STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

• he chuckles bcs he does realise what hes doing to u nd honestly he loves ur reactions so he keeps doing it

• "fufufu.....sorry love, i'll be quiet now. go on, do ur thing." (liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur too flirty for a study session!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

• tip : never keep him in the same room as u when u have work to do . keeps flirting . too much distraction .

• ratings : 200/10 . the additional 200 points is bcs hes too cute to say no....... god he rlly has u wrapped around his finger huh

[lawofassumptionpraiser]

hi 😵‍💫 anon here. im going to keep this sweet and short because i would love to dm if you can. i tried to work on self concept for the past two weeks and my manifestations are still not here. i know people say you shouldn’t say “it isn’t here” or you’ve “been trying”, but i haven’t said that for the past two weeks. it’s true, i genuinely haven’t gotten it despite my persistence. i only tried for the void occasionally because i knew i was so dependent on it. for the first week, i was so strong. i stayed in the state of knowing and affirmed for self concept occasionally whenever i doubted. but still nothing. im so lost, confused and scared. my sadness has turned into anger because ive tried every method and technique and anything you could possibly do. I KNOW how to manifest and ive applied it, i HAVENT been on Tumblr a lot for the past two weeks. so what could i possibly be doing wrong? ik you say if you assume you’re doing something wrong then that’s what gonna happen. but i never did in the past two weeks until now. my assumptions about myself and manifesting were amazing and still nothing. what could i possibly be missing? i tried to make it fun and less like a chore, but i can’t keep failing.. i only have a week less. i know you say you can’t fail if you believe you can’t, but i did believe that up until now. this is victim mentality, but it’s true. ive had so many deadlines that ive consistently missed but I CANT miss this one. during the week of my amazing self concept, this actually got worse in my reality. which makes no sense. WHAT DO I DO?? im scared and im tired of constantly fighting and being in this loop for 3 years now. im so so tired, i just need someone to tell me what im doing wrong and i know ITS MY REALITY AND I MAKE THE RULES… but if it was, i would have what ive been trying to manifest for the past three years. ive taken breaks and then worked on self concept and applied the “decide what you want and persist in the new story.” i ignored everything that was contradicting my new story and KNEW it would change. but it HASNT. all my deadlines and failed manifestations are crashing in on me and im so overwhelmed rn.

awh hi baby, you can send me a dm and i’ll try to help you as good as i can<3

[heesulovebot]

wowow than-q dawy bb @itoldsunset​ for the tag! i love doing these 🥺🥺🥺(also ur right rina did deserve a grammy nom but they h8 woc wbk😤)

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? black.

2. Name a food you never eat. i mean i pretty much eat all kinds of food but there’s a lot of things i don’t eat often. if i’m being really picky i’d say i never eat soups but i literally love pho and seaweed soup so idk 🤷‍♀️ 3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? too coooold 🥶 4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? crying @ work. 5. What’s your favorite candy bar? kit-kat and aero bars were my shit as a kid but i also love any chocolate bar with hazelnuts.

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? uhhhh does figure skating count? 7. What is the last thing you said out loud? i yelled to myself in my room because i work remotely & work was being a lil bitch today.

8. What is your favourite ice cream? mint choco chip or the chocolate covered almond vanilla häagen-dazs 👌🏼 9. What was the last thing you had to drink? water. 10. Do you like your wallet? actually no!!! my fave wallet broke years ago but i was still using it even though it didn’t zip up and i was always dropping coins. and then my brother got me an expensive wallet when i moved back to van but it’s literally so ugly and i only use it because i h8 being wasteful 😤😩 11. What is the last thing you ate? cereal for lunch. i was lazy :((( 12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no. i haven’t really left my house at all much the last few months, only for grocery shopping. 13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? again, figure skating? 14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? i always ask for the cheddar or salt and vinegar seasoning. 15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? the gc on kakao.

16. Ever been camping? like a handful of times in my life. as expected, i do not do well in the outdoors lol. 17. Do you take vitamins? i mean i should probably be taking them :((( she deficient lmao. 18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? nope. 19. Do you have a tan? she pale af rn because of quarantine 😔 20. Do you prefer chinese or pizza? omg....... this is....... the hardest thing i’ve ever had to answer dkjfnkdjnfdk 21. Do you drink your soda through a straw? only if i’m given one. 22. What color socks do you usually wear? black. 23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? when i do drive, yeah. i’m scared of going too fast 😩 24. What terrifies you? this is too deep, fam. 25. Look to your left, what do you see? my empty cereal bowl from lunch lol.

26. What chore do you hate most? floors!!! i’m weird i hate the simple tasks like i LOVE bleaching shit i will bleach my life away. 27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? not as triggering as the british accent lmaooo australians r turnt. 28. What’s your favorite soda? i’m gonna sound so bougie but those italian san pellegrino sodas the aranciata (orange) is a classic but the aranciata rossa (blood orange) is soooooo goOd. 29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? if i’m in a car i like to avoid ppl lol. 30. What’s your favorite number? i don’t have one.  31. Who’s the last person you talked to? my roommate when i came out of my room for lunch.

32. Favorite meat? like i love beef but go absolutely fERAL for a good pork belly (@dawy a woman of taste) 33. Last song you listened to? my wife’s new song (meg thee stallion - body)

34. Last book you read? i’m bi i don’t read 💩 35. Favorite day of the week? at the moment? none lmao. 36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? no. 37. How do you like your coffee? i don’t 😌 38. Favorite pair of shoes? i have these like white/green reebok aztreks and they’re srsly so comfy i wear them with everything. 39. Time you normally get up? i wake up at 8 for work. on the other two days i’m at school, i try to wake up early but that never happens and i always miss my first lecture and wake up at 1 lmao 😗✌🏼 40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets because i can’t wake up early but also i prefer night time to morning. 41. How many blankets on your bed? gotta have my sheet, my comforter, and since it’s winter i pulled out the ethnic blanket for extra toasty~  42. Describe your kitchen plates. random. they’re my roommate’s. 43. Describe your kitchen at the moment. there is absolutely NO counter space but also that’s probably because we have 2 rice cookers & i wouldn’t change it for anything RICE IS LYFE✌🏼  

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? i’m basic so my go-to is gin and tonic. with lemon AND lime 😩👌🏼 45. Do you play cards? not like poker or anything but i play a mean speed and go fish lmao. 46. What color is your car? lol 47. Can you change a tire? wtf lol no don’t @ me i don’t have my full license yet u don’t need to drive in the city when the train is so much faster!!! 48. Your favorite state or province? west coast best coast 🤪 49. Favorite job you’ve had? tawan’s trophy wife. kidding. that’s not a job i do it for free ayeee 😌💅 uhhhhhh i literally h8 capitalism so UHM my inner socialist is telling me none but i miss my comrades co-workers at my old starbs job 😔✊🏼

tagging!🌈💕✨: jay @metawin, ayesha @gremlinmetawin, cass @wavelovespang, doreen @gunsatthaphan, rae @zaintseeme, dez @thehuns-bubble-tea, emily @seekingstarlightinthecity, cata @gigiesarocha, sam @khaotungthanawat, orthy @teepakornaekaranwong & anyone else who wants to can tag me!! (im starting to forget everyone’s @s because y’all change too damn much— nvm that i literally just changed mine lmao)