#im kinda stepping back from social media for the time being

[hallofharmony]

omg you're active

don't get used to it/lh

[ladygoth]

Gotta keep this short n quick im sorry needa rush to somewhere

Simon makes her jealous in some kinda way, and she feels jealous at first, but then her insecurities get the best of her and Simon not saying i love you to her sends her to the past.

I don’t know how was this lol but anything angsty would be cooollll love youuu

if you think i've deleted this i havent i was just wondering what would be the proper plot lmao. thank you for this ask

♱⋆♱ ᴡɪᴄᴋᴇᴅ ɢᴀᴍᴇꜱ ♱⋆♱

mdni very 18+ angst, insecure!reader, annoying!ghost, make-up/surprise sex, oral!femreceiving, rough sex and daddy kink

simon ghost riley.

summary - ghost makes you feel insecure about your relationship with him but he makes it up to you in the end.

specifically influenced by the weeknd - wicked games.

You thought that you guys were past this, the petty moments and disputes, but you had an idea that there’d be a time where Ghost would want to mentally stab back, have you jealous with the way you had him jealous, specifically with Mike.

Though did he have to do it when things were getting better between the both of you?

Did he have to flirt in front of you? With a waitress in the restaurant, he took you out in? Between the both of you, you had always imagined Ghost to be the more mature and cultivated individual, but you been aware that life was always full with surprises.

During the drive back to the apartment building, you had been silent, arms crossed and leaning opposite away from him while he tried to lay his hand against your thigh, he did speak about how pretty you looked, how the dress you wore was so appealing on you and he couldn’t wait to take it off you, but your lack of response had him aware that you had been put off.

“Baby?” He called, his tone light but curious and you had wondered if he had pretended to act stupid, to hear from you why you had been upset. “What’s wrong?”

Unresponsive, you had looked down at your knees, worried that if you had uttered a word you’d tremble into tears.

“Doll?” He called, “if you’re upset, I’d like for you to communicate.” He said and nervous, you had licked your lower lips. “Things just started to get good again luvie.”

“Why did you have to flirt with her?” You asked.

“I wasn’t flirting with her, was jus’ being kind,” he shrugged and dissatisfied you had furrowed your eyebrows, your face screwed and cattish. Aware of the malevolent look on your face, he had softly sighed. “She complimented me and I complimented her back, nothing to over-think about.”

Jaw clenched, you had looked through the glass window, focusing on the night lights that his car had driven pass by. “Baby,” he muttered and with a catty spirit you had picked up your phone and scrolled through the endless social media algorithm you had found yourself in. “We need to speak to each other---”

“Well, I don’t want to, just drive back home,” you muttered and defeated Ghost had remained reticent as he resumed driving back to the apartment building. Once the both of you had arrived, you had quickly let yourself out of the vehicle, ignoring his calls, you had entered the building, briefly greeting the receptionist as you had entered the elevator, though Ghost had been quick, catching up after you, which had been unfortunate, for you.

“Don’t be childish about this, love,” he said, his voice rough before pressing the level button both your homes had been in. “You coming home with me? Or is it yours we’re gonna be in.”

Amused, you had briefly looked up at him, it was as if he had taken mission to piss you off. “I want to be on my own.”

“Jesus Christ,” he sighed. “A’right, I’m sorry for complimenting the waitress, happy?” He asked as the elevator doors opened, a ding echoing in the comfortable spaced box. You had stepped out of the elevator, arms crossed as you scurried to your front door, feeling Ghost’s figure shadow after you. “Doll,” he breathed. “I don’t want to go sleep knowing you’re upset with me,” he shared.

“Isn’t it something you’re used to?” You spat as you pushed your key in.

“Not something I want to live through again,” he spoke while following you in. “I’ll sleep in the other room if you want.”

“What I want, is for you to not be here,” you snapped. “But it’s not like you ever listen to me.”

“If I listened to you love, that would lead me to standing out your door the next day because you won’t open it, you would probably change the locks too.”

You clicked your tongue in annoyance, he was somewhat correct. “Okay,” you huffed as you pulled off your coat. “I’ll be going to bed, don’t come into my room.” You said and without countering with a comment, Ghost had sighed before leading himself into the guest room.

♱⋆♱

You weren’t able to sleep, and you hated the fact that you would’ve been able to sleep if Ghost had been beside you, his arms wrapped around your waist, engulfing you with his heat while his chin rests against the top of your head, his light snores lulling you into a deep slumber. Then you’d wake up to him making breakfast, kissing you once you make it to him and he’d do that thing where he squeezes your ass before bringing you into a deep kiss.

You had sighed as you had dragged yourself to the open kitchen, the lamp had still been on and you had checked the time and had noticed it had barely been two hours since you had gone to sleep. and the ambience had been somewhat comforting, thus you had tasked yourself to drink water and to have a little snack before returning to bed, but you couldn’t help be but absorbed and consumed by the endless thoughts that had wheeled in your head.

Were you over-reacting? Were you being insecure, the fact that Ghost had never told you that had loved you had swamped and deluged your security. The two of you were able to make it past the three-month period but you couldn’t help but feel like Ghost would find someone better than you, someone he would tell “I love you,” to.

Maybe it was just as simple as that, Ghost didn’t love you, perhaps he was just infatuated with you, and had found himself to be sexual and erotic whenever he had been around you, and you had deciphered that lust to be, love.

“Couldn’t sleep?” God.

You had jumped, your hand pressed against your chest as you had gasped, he wasn’t wearing his mask, handsome and beautiful as ever he had leaned against the sharp corner of a wall, arms crossed, face still but a bit humoured. With your eyebrows furrowed, you had sat yourself down on one of the island seats, close to the lamp that had dimply illuminated the space.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” You asked.

“Why aren’t you, love?” He countered and with your lips pressed into a thin line, you had adjusted your sight forward. “You’re crying.”

What?

Quickly, you had wiped your tears once you had settled down your glass, aware that he had moved closer to you, sitting himself next to you, “Babydoll,” he muttered and with a short hum, you barely glanced his way. “Should’ve known how much it would’ve affected you.”

“Okay.”

“I care for you a lot, you know that?”

“Yeah.”

You were unsure.

“I was being stupid.”

“Yeah.”

He paused. “You don’t want to talk to me?”

“Yeah.”

“Goodnight then,” he muttered as he left the seat he previously sat on, leaving to the guest room, he took one last look, expecting for a goodnight but there had been nothing said from you.

♱⋆♱

Eyes blurred, you had gently gripped the sheets as you had felt a strong commodity continuously part the hearth between your legs, a light confused moan echoing in your room transforming into strong whiny groan once you understood what had been happening.

“Ghost,” you whimpered, your hand now dug into his short hair, his mouth buried between your cunt as he greedily licked between your skin, the flat texture of his tongue teasing against your pearl repeatedly, playing and sucking with the bud hungrily, he had moaned, standing on his knees as continued to devour your nectar. “Fuck!” You cried out, “fuck you…” you had trembled as your eyes rolled back in pleasure, feeling the warm palm of his hands stroke towards the back of your knees, pushing your leg down to spread your pussy more.

His eyes staring at you, erotic with mischief he had commenced to flick the tip of his tongue against your sex, the lower body of his stiff, as he could feel himself want to cum. “Shit,” he moaned as he humped his covered cock against your bed, “so good princess,” he whined, his moan tight as his load seeped in his clothes, proudly cumming to the taste and scent of your ambrosia, he had now began to selfishly suck on your heat, his ears flooded with the high moans from you, your legs trembling at the approaching orgasm, you had leaned your head back, your sex hot and wet at the sight of your boyfriend’s handsome face go down on you.

Your cries echoing into a brewing shameful cry, your toes curling as your nectar gushed and heaved against his face, Simon, desperate to catch as much of your eject with his mouth, his opening slurping with the effect of your sweet expel as your hand had possessively still been at the top of his head, your eyes blurry with erotic tears once he had pulled away from you, once more, you had noted how he had cummed himself, an arrogant smile laced on your face as you had watched him gravely pull down his pants, aware that he had not worn boxers, the large cock heaved out of his clothes.

Red and angry, you had viewed the fierce veins that had been wrapped around his cock boldly stand out, his length throbbing in desire of your wetness and hearth. “Oh, Babydoll,” he lightly whined, hovering over you before he had kissed you, the tip of his cock shadowing against your wet opening, his lips moving to your jaw before sliding himself inside of you, your insides shifting and spreading due to his size and as kickback your mouth had opened and loudly moaned.

He didn’t take long before adjusting into a quick pace, formed in his favourite position, the mating press, you had felt your sex grip tightly around him once you felt his tip sweep against your cervix, his face focused and lustful he resumed on adjusting his hips backwards and forwards, his veiny cocky kissing the soft walls of your heat that had possessively wrapped around him, had influenced him to push his size deeper into your body, “Fit just for me,” he moaned, “so perfect,” he whined as he continued to buck his hips forward.

“Just for you,” you moaned, “I’m just for you,” you cried out, overwhelmed by his size you had brought your nails against his bare back, digging them into his skin, marking his body with your digits---you had frantically pulled your head back, his sac smacking against your ass while the length of his shaft dug deeper than the previous push.

Your lips had trembled. “Daddy!” You cried out, drowned by your pleasure you had been unaware of the bulge print that had stuck out from your stomach, Ghost prideful of his cock fitting in your tight cunt had resumed on abusing the spongy button within your sex with the head of his member, your moans twirling higher every second while the friction had moved your body to move on its own.

“Good girl, you’re such a good girl for me,” he muttered. “So tight and wet,” he said before he had bit his lips, his thrusts angry and hungry, racing for his climax the man had continued to buck his hips forward, “imma fill you up with my cum,” he whined, “belly swollen,” he desperately whispered, “All because of me, such a good girl, my little princess.”

His obsessive comments whispered into your ear, egging you into dishevelled state, a pinch feeling gathering around your sex before your walls continuously throbbed around him. “Cum for me,” he commanded. “Cum for your daddy, show me I’m yours, I can only make you feel this good, only me,” he said and with your eyes almost closed, you had desperately nodded your head, obedient as hot tears trickled down your skin while your hot cum laced around his width.

 “Good girl,” he cooed before kissing you once more, his length digging deeper into your sex as his sac had swelled, frantic to cum inside you the man had continued to push himself, the wetness of both your sexes echoing inside of your room just as he cummed inside of you, his hot load seeping deep inside, coating your walls and cervix with his nectar as he released one tight grunt. “There you go,” he whispered before pulling out of you.

Exhausted you had heavily breathed, eyes almost shut you could feel Ghost swipe his thumb against your lower lip. “Still mad at me?” He asked.

“No,” you replied.

“Good girl.”

a compilation of what i think is ghost's favourite position

pussy eating reference :)) and if it doesnt work use vpn

[themotherofhorses]

im begging you, dark!aemond bodyguard of the president/king’s innocent daughter omggggg

pairing: bodyguard!aemond targaryen x president's daughter!reader

warnings: explicit language. oral sex. loss of virginity (kinda). daddy kink. slight breeding and housewife kink. small mentions of past obsessive tendencies on aemond's part.

notes: hello, long time no write. consider this me using this request like i'm saddling the horse after getting thrown off.

(also ik aemond might not seem AS dark as other times but like pretty pls read between the lines. thank you ☺️)

masterlist

For being the nation’s current president, your father was quite the fucking fool of a man.

He loves you, truly. How could he not? You were the spitting image of your late mother, and the youngest of his children- his sweet little chick that was barely beginning to spread her wings and leave the nest. He would never forgive himself if you ever got hurt due to his elected role as the commander-in-chief and head of state.

That was the main reason why he hired Aemond Targaryen as your personal bodyguard.

The man had a commendable record behind him, despite his young age. Your father was beyond impressed with him when he first interviewed him for the job. Two tours in the U.S. army as a sergeant and sniper before receiving an honorable discharge and a Purple Heart due to an eye injury while seeing combat overseas. According to some of the everyday politicians, he threw himself over his younger nephew during an ambush with enemy fire, and took a massive chunk of bomb shrapnel to the left side of his face; doctors saved him, of course, but his eye was too damaged to save.

They offered him a glass eye and a fully paid scar revision (along with special vet benefits and apparently some hush-hush money as well), but he refused it all. Instead, he accepted the purple heart, crammed a pretty and shiny sapphire into his empty socket, and made sure everyone- military personnel and civilian altogether- looked him in both eyes whenever they addressed him.

The rumors were true- Sergeant Aemond One-Eye was as terrifying as he was deadly.  

Perhaps that was the reason why it did not take very long for him to be buried between your thighs.

You never had a boyfriend before, always too devoted towards your college academic and hobbies, and way too protected and overshadowed by your father. But it was Aemond who stole your first kiss, two months into his new job as your bodyguard. He had been accompanying you on a small shopping trip to the mall, treating it as a sort of bonding experience. When you had mentioned the new lip gloss you were trying out (it was flavored ‘chai latte’), he had asked to taste it.

Okay! you giggled, thinking nothing of it; only for it to be a week later and with his head in between your thighs, eating you out like a starved man.

“Stop it…! Aemond! My daddy might walk in!” You cried, tossing your head back against the pillows as you bit down on your bottom lip to stop the moans from tumbling out. It was all in stupid vain; your bodyguard had you putty in his hands. Anything he wanted, you would happily give him- yourself included. “A-Aemond…!” How could he ever stop? Not when you sounded oh so fucking pretty, so sweet and yummy, his newfound favorite meal served to him on a silver platter, just ready to be completely devoured.

Aemond shook his head. “I don’t give the tiniest shit, babygirl,” he muttered as he sucked on your clit, only pausing every few seconds to kiss your soaked pussy. He had to be soft as well, considering this was a fucking dream come true for him.

The poor bastard remembered all the times he saw you on the television, in those paparazzi photos and the Christmas cards and those gorgeous social media posts of yours. No one would ever understand just how badly he wanted you, and the lengths he went just to have you.

And, well, maybe you should’ve thought first before stepping out in that sinful, short-cut and backless blue dress, the one that made you look perfect for him to knock up, his pretty little housewife. Perfect for him. Made for him. He kept your legs wide open with the tightest grips as he feasted on your cunt, ignoring your desperate (but adorable) attempts to push him away.

“If you can’t handle this, how will you handle my cock?” he tutted. “Poor baby, I’m going to fucking destroy you.”

Everything made your pretty face scrunch up in pleasure, especially when you felt him lick a large stripe up your pussy before he shoved his face in only deeper. You squealed, hiding your face from behind your hands. You could feel his nose, his chin, the heavy pants and low growls and soft kisses he peppered along inner thighs. “And what did I say to call me?” before he gave your ass a hard spank.

You whimpered, already on the verge of sobbing. Fat tears were streaking down your cheekbones. “I-I’m sorry…s-so sorry, daddy!”

Oh but your entire body felt like it was lit on fire- a burning yet tightening sensation nestled deep within your belly. It was so strange. You didn’t know what to make of it. Your head lolled to the side while your back arched up from the bed and your hand found Aemond’s long, whitish-blond hair.

(A common genetic mutation in his family, according to him. Some of the politicians mocked it as the ‘new Habsburg jaw’. You thought it made him look all the godlier.)

His hands soon slid up to your breast, palming and tweaking your nipples between his fingers. Your toes curled as you felt ready to explode at any second. “Daddy!” you mewled, peering down through teary eyes to watch as his face shook side-to-side. His own face held sheer bliss, especially when he brought a finger to trace along your drenched folds. “Daddy…! Daddy! Ah, gods, please!”  

“Yeah, that is right, pretty baby, I’m your new daddy now.”

Your father was none the wiser to the fact that, every night, his youngest daughter’s bodyguard had her in a mating press every night, whispering into her ear that it would not be long until she made him into a real daddy.

It was the least you could do in return, considering he was protecting your life with his.

After boring meetings and countless banquets and your a.m. college classes, Aemond would be quick to shove your panties in your mouth before bending you over the nearest furniture set.

You were his.

All his.

His pretty baby, his sweet little future housewife, the girl whose picture he used to secretly carry in one of the vest pockets during his days in the military.  

One day, your father pulled him aside and offered him a bonus.

“Truth is, son, you’re doing such a fine job at protecting her. I don’t worry as much as I did before you came along. We could not ask for a better bodyguard, Sergeant,” he admitted, patting him on the back. “Would there be anything you’d like in payment? A vacation? A bonus? Some free time with your family? I know you miss your mother very much; my little girl told me.”

But Aemond shook his head, declining everything. “Sir, with all due respect, your daughter feels like my new family now, considering how close we’ve grown in these past several months, and my duty in keeping her safe. I would prefer to remain by her side if you would allow it,” he said, and your father gave him a cheeky grin.

“Should I perhaps be worried, Sergeant?”

“Of course not, Mr. President. I adore your daughter, but only as a brother would his little sister.”

So it was true, it seemed- your father, bless his heart, was quite the fucking fool of a man. It should’ve been no surprise to him at all that seven months down the line from his conversation with your bodyguard, you would be trying to hide a swollen baby bump from everyone's eyes.

And if he really was smart, then he would’ve remembered the reason why the Targaryens were so often compared to the old Habsburgs of Austria.

[pumpkinsy0]

What's Going On in Haiti Rn

tldr: barbeque (leader of revolutionary gang, isnt a cannibal btw) says hes trying to liberate Haiti to free the oppressed groups in Haiti from not only the rich ppl who live in Haiti but also from imperialism so Haiti can get better, but moving along from that, theres canals being built in Haiti so Haitians can actually make their own food and won’t rely in others

alright, I’m making this post, not only because I dont see many people talking about it, but also because they just aren't really telling the exact full story and theyre only using what the western media is saying and not really using any haitian sources or anything like that, for this post Im NOT picking sides or anything of the sort, I just want people to be more aware of what's actually going on in haiti

so where all of this gang stuff is going down is in the CAPITAL of Haiti, this isn't going on all across the country, everything really violent is happening in PORT AU PRINCE. As you know, there's this man called Barbecue who is essentially running Port Au Prince with his gang or group or whatever you want to call it, no Barbecue didn't get his name because he's a cannibal or anything like that, he got it because his mom would sell bbq chicken for people in his neighborhood. The cannibal claims that were going all around on social media was spread by alt right twitter users like elon musk and some other famous alt right twitter users.

NOW when it comes to the gangs in Haiti, what Barbecue is trying to do is "liberate this country, once and for all"(in his own words not mines), and he's done that by trying to bring together all the past gangs of Haiti and they've formed this one big group called "Revolutionary Forces of the G9 Family and Allies" or I'll just call them G9, and now they control 80% of Port Au Prince and many civilians themselves who live in poverty and terrible conditions are with them because they just want a life with rights to healthcare, education, and housing, things that are hard to get because of politicians and rich people oppressing them and taking away their resources and forcing them to live with the scraps. Another group of people who's followed him is this group of men he's broke out of jail. In this jail as far as I know, these people were never actually given trials or anything and they as well were forced into terrible living conditions with, lack of food, space, that kinda thing. When it comes to G9 getting the prime minister, Ariel Henry, to step down, the reason why they wanted him to step down (as far as i remember) was because he just pushing the election for a new president back and back each time, and people were/are under the impression that he just wanted to get more power. On top of that Ariel Henry was NEVER SWORN INTO HIS POSITION. Plus, after the Haitian president's assassination in 2021, INSTEAD of working with Haitian civil society groups that were open to give solutions to fix the situation, the US, Canada, France, and other places, put their trust into Ariel Henry, and saw him as the connection to the Haitian public. Henry is not well liked by the public of Haiti and he is now not in Haiti and is in Puerto Rico, essentially exiled from Haiti. Now dont take this as me putting Barbecue in this shining light, he did use to be a police officer, and he has closed off Port Au Prince from the rest of the country and people are finding it hard to get food, water, go to school, and much much more, Im just laying out what's happening and his goal as he says it. If you want more info, watch some interviews Barbeque has done.

When it come to the US intervening or ANY country for that matter intervening is because in the past, forcing interventions in haiti has only led to worse. There was terrible treatment to the citizens and they stole money, their only way of intervening was literally through weapons against innocent civilians. Many haitians do NOT want any country, especially the US coming near them AT ALL because theyre are scared for what theyre going to do to them and their livelihoods, and you can't blame them one bit, the US is quite literally a genocidal empire who only looks out for itself.

ON SOME MORE BRIGHTER NEWS, idk if you heard, but theres this canal thats close to being finished, that will allow Haitian farmers to grow and make their own foods so Haiti wont have to rely on other places of getting stuff like rice!! The canal gets water from the massacre river however, Dominican politicians dont like that and are claiming that the canal will weaken the water supply of the river, despite the DR having like 11 canals using the river and Haiti has 1 (the one being built rn). To slow down the water flow going into the canal, Dominican officals have these pumps that are constantly flowing to take away water from the canal, however the canal is still able to flow a good amount of water into Haiti, to Haitian farmers :)

on top of that, Haitian farmers in another part of Haiti has gotten inspired to take action to make their OWN canal (that has NOTHING to do with the massacre river before yall start) and are currently making their own canal so they can have water so WOOOO🇭🇹🇭🇹🇭🇹🇭🇹

anyways pls share and make sure to listen to Haitian voices and media to understand whats going on, dont use media from the same niggas that assisted a Dominican dictator that committed a Haitian genocide :P

to learn more about whats going on theres this Haitian news source called Haiti Liberte that discusses whats going on in Haiti and they have a documentary on youtube that goes more in depth with Barbeque and his ideas/wants and some Haitian citizens

as for the canals, on tik tok theres this woman whos been at the forefront of it all, discussing whats going on with the canals, giving updates, and shes actually in Haiti, and you can see the canals for yourself, her @ is @bertrhude

[stocious]

bisexual carl thoughts

so listen, we got robbed of some bisexual content in the show with fiona’s exit so me and nosho ( @creepkinginc ) got talking and you know what? bisexual carl. we’re here for it. so we made him a boyfriend. meet ben.

carl brings his first ever actual boyfriend to sunday family dinner and at first the gallaghers are kinda confused because ben looks like a nobody. he has a boring name and a boring look, very average, nothing special about him. carl has had a slew of very interesting women and he’s with this guy? makes zero sense.

until ben opens his mouth. it makes sense then.

they learn he’s a baker and works at a bakery close to the police station and that’s how they met (”cops and dounts, huh?”) but ben had to give his number THREE times before carl got the hint. because why would a guy flirt with him? it took him a minute alright.

but ben also tells them he’s been a park ranger in new mexico where he’s from, a construction worker, for a while he worked with removing snakes and shit from peoples houses, you know, normal ben stuff.

at which the gallaghers tell him the story about carl killing the bald eagle hoping to get a laugh outta the guy

but he looks dissapointed and says he wishes he was there so he could show them how to prepare it properly. which then send him into a story about that time he killed and ate a poisionous snake.

the gallaghers just stare but carl nods and looks like its the most normal thing ever. ben informs them that they have to remember to bury the head should they ever have to do that because you can still step on it and get poisoned.

he then goes on to tell them about other wild animals you can eat. seagulls, snails, bugs, possums. and how to best prepare them.

alright so ian spots his tattoo and asks about it. its a ruler on his forearm and ben just shrugs and tells them he uses it to measure fish he catches sometimes. you never know when you have to measure something. its handy at ikea and when you gotta make sure a hole is deep enough. a hole for what? oh you never know when you need a hole with just the right size.

they keep talking and frank/monica/parents comes up and ben tells them about his survivalist father who dropped him in the woods one time with a swiss army knife and a lighter and he had to find his way back home. by himself. at 12.

(thats also the time he ate the snake. ya boy had to eat)

there’s just this distinct feeling ben could build you a house and do your taxes, but he’s also the typa guy who could tell you the best way to make a body dissapear and how to make a deadly weapon out of a paperclip and a stick. mcgyver style.

eventually it turns into this thing where everybody just waits for him to piggyback of whatever story they tell with a ”that reminds me of that one time…” and they all just KNOW its gonna be something outta the left field. just ben stories.

ian voices his concern about ben being a red flag to mickey but mickey’s like ”firecrotch, you married ME. if we turned out fine im sure ben and carl will be fine too. he’s weird as fuck but i kinda like the dude. good for carl the little pyschopath”

eventually they wanna add him to the gallagher group chat but he doesnt use facebook. or any social media sites. but he does have 17 different apps for hiking trails and apps for identifying plants you can eat or not eat and a compass app and— all the apps but not facebook. sorry.

so yeah, ben looks like he wouldnt make sense with carl but they get it now. he makes total sense with carl.

(i wrote this on my phone and didnt spellcheck so take it for what it is)

[grimreaperschild]

this is my first fic ever and it’s kinda short but any advice + if you wanna see more let me know

warnings: some wednesday level threat maybe ooc wednesday not sure but stalker/infactuated wednesday

not proof read bc im dyslexic and it hurts my brain but i hope you enjoy ❤️

Wednesday trudged into the quad at the start of the semester, she would never admit it but with the new year looming over her she’s slightly exited for what new things she can uncover, there’s chatter of a new student and she hasn’t given it a second thought, even though nevermores resident artist xavier had gifted her a phone she still refused to succumb to such trivial things as gossip, that was of course until she saw you, walking into the quad with slumped shoulders and a shy smile next to the new principle, her eyes lingered on you for far longer than she seemed acceptable cursing herself when you met her eyes confusion evident in your expression though behind it she could see some form of hope, pulling her eyes away from you she tuned into the conversation enid and yoko were having about you vaguely annoyed that her interest was peaked.

y/n pov:

the car ride with my dad to nevermore was silent, as was the goodbye the principle greats me kindly enough and i think maybe this was a mistake, this was supposed to be an adventure but i was proven wrong as we stepped into the quad, the amount of eyes on me making me slightly nervous, zoning out to avoid the lecture on the old space i feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end

snapping my head up i meet the eyes of a girl dressed in black with pigtails, the curiosity of why she has a different uniform out ways the thoughts of how captivating she is, turning and cutting off mr harrow i jester with my head “who’s that, the goth girl” he tilts his head with obvious disdain “y/n it’s not a good idea to get involved with the wrong crowd, that’s wednesday addams and by the looks of it you’ve caught her attention, i feel my condolences are in offer, let’s continue the tour” i nod once taking in the new information stealing one last glance she seems occupied with her group of friends fighting down the disappointment that flashes through me i turn on my heel and follow along the rest of my tour black uniform painted in my mind.

moving in was easy enough and within a few hours my room is looking more mine, being tired i decide to nap knowing i have a long day tomorrow.

wednesdays pov:

i let my feet carry me, overcome with the strange need to know where the new student that i now know is called y/n is dorming, to my utter dismay her dorm is only a few doors down, this is all panning out to be too easy convincing herself that’s the only reason she has interest in you, it’s easy and something to do, heading back to her dorm to fill thing in and have him keep tabs on you came more naturally than expected.

over the next couple of days she manages to secure seats that have a clear view of you in classes, if you notice her impassive stare you don’t let on, she learns that you can control fire from thing, her own research brings up noting but happy pictures of you and your family from years ago on social media, she stands in the shower for half an hour contemplating why instagram doesn’t seem that bad anymore, research online is so much easier than trialing behind you, as fascinated as she is with you, your not that important not yet anyway.

y/n pov:

the past few weeks settling in have been good, i’ve made friends with enid and her boyfriend ajax, the group is a little quirky but it works all the same, joining them for lunch in the quad has become a regular occurrence, so has my seat next to wednesday i’ve embarrassingly tried a few times to engage in conversation with her only to be meet with a steely glance or a roll of her eyes.

enid let’s out a groan as her head hits the table “we’ve only been here for a few weeks and im already struggling with classes, how is that even possible” i let out a low chuckle “comon it’s not that bad plus im sure nes here can help you, right” as i turn to her she’s already glaring at me the use of nickname obviously peaking her intrest “call me that again and i’ll cut your tongue out” turning back to the book she was reading, i give enid a thumbs up “nes is definitely down to tutor you” the sudden movement of wednesday getting up and stomping away makes me jump slightly ignoring the way disappointment rolls off me in waves. “we are going to the lake you should come with” i already know she’s giving me the puppy eyes and i sigh as i look up and my suspicions are confirmed “let me go to my dorm and grab my swim stuff” enid squeals as she jumps clapping in excitement

wednesdays pov:

i watch as she stands in the mirror nose scrunched as she tries on another bikini, eventually picking a dark red set, my eyes scan over her body gulping it in, as she closes her dorm room behind her i turn back to the bathroom im in taking note of what different shampoo she has, finally giving into the mental struggle i turn on my heel determined to get atleast one more glimpse of the colour red

[louisisalarrie]

Hi i wanted to ask something. So many old vet larries like Srslycris and Ssfoc left and came back and said that Harry is an awful person (fame hungry and all) and used Louis. Some of their theories do make sense because it does look like Harry used or misled Louis to have a better career. Also, in 2018 things changed so many vet larries left....I really think because they either knew something we don’t or because they also thought it was going South.....what do you think?

Hi lovely. This turned out deeper with more feelings than I thought! But im a bit cooked wearing a 1d shirt so it was bound to happen, and now here we are. Welcomeeeee to the show!

Many of the vets have left, unfortunately. There are still a solid amount of us left, but tumblr was such a different place back in the day. There’s only so much kind of… non evidence and stunts and hate you can take. This fandom is very toxic at times and we all encouraged each other to take a step back (I did too! But more because life got in the way… but also because it’s easier when you’re not being constantly fed larry content like in the 1d days) to keep our mental health solid and not subject ourselves to all the NEW hate we were/are getting.

Because, as Larries in the 1d days, we got hate from antis, and antis only. It was one fandom, split up between two sides (with the third being neutrals which there weren’t a lot of because you kinda were expected to pick a side).

After the boys started releasing solo music, we didn’t just get hate from antis. We now get hate from solo harries (which there are SO many of), solo Louies, and other solo fans who’ve been here since the 1d days who now just Stan one of the boys. So many larries turned and picked a side because it’s just… easier. Being a larrie these days is no easy thing. The hate and back and forth and lack of evidence is really difficult and well… it’s a lot easier loving the boys from afar, that’s for sure.

But it’s also because tumblr 1d stans are such a smaller community now. Whether you’re a solo, anti, or larrie, there are so much less of us. This platform has been on the down for yeaaaaars (unfortunately), and it’s not what it used to be. It’s just… different now. And Twitter has made a weird comeback but it’s very extreme solos and larries and antis. It’s not a space you can talk about your interests/theories/beliefs without one or the other finding you and just hating on you hardcore. The Tumblr larrie community is fucking wonderful, but Twitter Larries are so different and it’s all just… a different world.

Also, be mindful about our ages at the time. A lot of Larries and 1d fans were similar ages, right in that peak demographic. Around 2018, a lot of us had hit an age where we were really becoming adults and sorting out careers, moving out, having partners… not having time to focus on larry with such little evidence/content coming our way. If 1d were still together? Sure. A lot of us would’ve stayed. But I took a step back in that time too, and I get it 1000000%. Loving an artist and listening to their music, going to concerts occasionally, and buying some merch here and there, is so much easier than running a successful or even a lowkey blog on a (sadly) declining platform. Plus dealing with an influx of fans who don’t care about the lore. Or 1d. It’s just… frustrating when the new kids take their media images as gospel and don’t look into their development as artists and people from the start. No matter how you feel about 1d.

Hell, I find it frustrating. All these new solos who don’t like 1d/don’t care about ot5 make ridiculous claims and start a witch-hunt against the vets (non-larries who are just ot5s/ot4s included). The shit I’ve seen on Twitter in particular is filthy. And a lot of these fans are younger, have a different relationship with social media, and interact in an entirely different way because they haven’t experienced a proper solid fandom and what that means/meant to us (many other fandoms like supernatural, doctor who, Sherlock etc who were also massive on tumblr at the time have dealt with a difference in it too, I’ve noticed). So it’s a lack of fandom dynamic and understanding and experience too (not that this is a bad thing if you’re new to fandoms/the 1d fandom, quite the opposite, you’re always welcome here!!! but an observation of the younger kids who are solos/antis and haven’t been in a fandom before).

That’s not to say that all new fans are of a younger generation, far from it. There are a beautiful amount of larries, one direction, and solo fans who are older and have embraced the fandom life and either support larrie or stay tf out of this shit. And it’s just people leave because they simply are just… growing up. Life gets in the way. Many found it harder to be on a platform where the most influential larry blogs, who have so many receipts and thoughts and theories and stories and followers and love to give, start disappearing. It makes people lose faith.

I cannot express how deep in this fandom was during this time. How incredibly trusting and loving we were of the bigger blogs. How we looked to them as gospel. And it’s bizarre to me now having a lot of followers and getting lovely anons like yourself, because I was the one reaching out to the bigger blogs to talk to and get reassurance and to listen to, back in the day. But the larries who are still here are carrying that torch and we are the ones still fighting, with a beautiful new group of Larries with us.

And don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the Larries who left. It’s tempting at times. It’s easier and it’s just about enjoying the boys and their music for what it is. So don’t feel disheartened. It was a bit of a chain reaction and it comes down to so many variables, but not larry being untrue. People give up. People’s lives get in the way. People remove themselves from hate. People don’t wanna deal with an influx of younger fans (not baby Larries no matter the age, im talking about antis/solos here) who don’t know their lore and come in guns a-blazing, when we’ve watched the boys and larry unfold in real time with our own eyes.

Plus, larries have always (the majority now, too) been the most supportive section of the fandom. Larries are 99% ot5s, or at least ot4s, and with one d going on their “hiatus” and no reunion in sight, it’s super disheartening. Im sure a lot of the other vets can agree with me here. It’s just… not the same as it was (pun intended), but it is what it is (double pun intended).

I think when we start getting larry content again, tumblr and Twitter are gonna go through the roof. A few of the vets who have left, who I still talk to on occasion, are still larries, but aren’t gonna involve themselves again until something larger happens. Until something brings the fire back and makes it (this sounds awful, it’s always worth it) worth fighting again.

Anyway, that’s my take. And the longer larry are forcibly closeted, and the longer 1d distance themselves from each other (which seems to be less in the past two weeks, thank fuck), we aren’t gonna see a resurgence of fans. But I think there will be a lot of big larries coming back and saying “I fucking told you so” when it happens.

Anyway, to actually answer your question because sometimes im just really good at going on long tangents, is that im not 100% sure on the theories you are referring to (I had taken a step back at the time) and would be interested to see, but Harry’s solo career and image can definitely make it look like he used Louis. But we know he’s not that kind of person. His managers are godawful and will do anything it takes to get their cash, and that encourages the idea that he’s baiting (whether it be queer or larrie) fans and dropped louis when he went solo and got bigger. Solo louies HATE Harry so much, and solo harries HATE louies so much, and it’s just… yeah. I have no reason to believe Harry did anything out of line of his own choice, and had been groomed and manipulated by those awful gross dudes, into doing what’s “best for his career” which is unfortunately, squashing 1d.

While I still can’t tell you what I do, I can tell you that Harry’s team are very fucking smart. As awful as they are, as much as they pull out every evil trick in the book, they are excellent at publicity and his managers fight for his worth and get him the best deals possible, and have built his image so differently to what we have known him as. He’s always been incredibly marketable, and they’ve taken that on and exploited it exponentially and made a pretty penny. He’s not a bad guy, he didn’t use Louis, and shit just looks very different to what it did back in the day.

Thanks for reading if you got this far through my ramble! Hahaha

[babydolly444]

1/17/23

i went to his classroom again. we talked a lot more than before. i was less awkward, i noticed.

i finally got to talk to him about being a writer. i told him about the ideas i have for two of the books im writing, and i read one of my poems to him.

after i read the poem, he mentioned something about the darkness of it. he asked if i was okay. i replied with a hesitant yes, but he asked again.

i replied with a slightly more hesitant yes, and then he said, “you broke eye contact both times.”

i didn’t say anything. i kinda just gazed at him, realizing how closely he was watching me. how closely he was watching my eyes. reading me fully. i was a bit shocked at this realization. i broke eye contact again.

“three times.”

i looked back at him. even though i couldn’t see myself, i could feel the look on my face. i felt like a little lamb being captured, with the way i couldn’t escape his intense gaze and his meticulous observation of me. but, i didn’t really want to escape it. i enjoy such intensity, especially in an interaction with a man that i want.

he asked again, and i didn’t respond. not because i didn’t want to reply to him, but because i was frozen. he then said how he won’t pry.

the conversation shifted from that to me talking about the themes i like to work with in my work, and being a confessional poet.

i spoke about wanting to branch out from poetry and how i’ve been working on novel writing. he asked me about my ideas, and i shared them with him. he said that he wanted a signed copy as soon as i publish something. i was pleasantly surprised at how definitive he sounded. like my work really mattered to him.

at one point we were talking about how difficult it is in today’s society to step away from social media, due to so much of people’s lives revolving around it.

he mentioned maybe twice how he’s not that much older than me (he’s 10 years older, i’m 18, he’s 28) and i kinda smiled because of how much it felt like he was hinting towards something.

eventually it was 2:10 and i had to leave. i stood up and packed my things. i had hung my coat, scarf, and earmuffs at the side of the classroom, so i walked over there, feeling him watching me.

then, i did something risky. i fumbled with the earmuffs a bit, and made them fall on purpose. i wore a skirt today, but it was still long enough to just barely cover my ass when i bent over. i bent over to pick up the earmuffs, and when i stood up i looked back at him. when i decided to do that thing i did, i don’t know what the hell was going through my head, but it worked. his eyes were on me just before coming up to meet my eyes. the way he looked at me was filled with a primal desire, but at the same time, it was gentle. like he wanted to ravish me, but slowly and with great care.

i put on my coat and scarf, held my earmuffs, and put my bag over my shoulders (i used a messenger bag today).

he began telling me to take care, but he fumbled over his words, before saying what he was going to say. he told me that i’m welcome stop by anytime. i smiled and said bye to him.

i can write more about what we spoke about, but i have a final to study for.

[onmonotonyandotherailments]

How do you deal with the voice in your head? (justified guilt and the like)

This is a question to the dear reader, and for personal research only, also happy pride to those who celebrate it

I don't really know what to do about life anymore, And it sounds so lame to start my first ever post like this, but i've seen all the "It girls" having a diary of some sorts to keep up with their thoughts and to reflect ont hteir daily life. I am not some It girl myself, If there's some list of requirements one must follow, i don't think i quite qualify, and using an aesthetic as a role to follow is probably not the best course of actin when you realize you are struggling.

That's also a big step for me, what's "struggling"? I've used it pretty liberally throughout my life but i don't know what it really encompasses, can i even call it a struggle? When bits just the consequence of my own actions? All struggles are consequences after all, but if the only way to find a faulty party is to look at my reflection i would rather not do it at all.

That's also something i've found about me recently, i don't like blaming people, or i say i do, because i hope they wont point fingers later, when they find out the fault was mine all along.

I keep on going on tangents latey, Back to the point, my life. Ironic sentence i think, Life being the point of discussion when i find life pointless. Not in a suicidal way, but in an avoidment of responsibilities and consequences kinda way. And its not like i havent thought about it, but when youre still living with your parents and your sibling, killing yourself is so much of a hassle for others, more than a big step for myself. So like so many of my attitudes i chose to put it on the list to do in about twenty to ten years or when im living alone.

Its a hopeful list honestly, aside from the /killing myself maybe/. Because as far as im made aware most of these feelings may just leave when i find my own freedom to actually do what i want.

The bad part is, and this is why i needed to do this blog too i think, that i could do most of these things if i just grab hold of the reign of my life and just "Got IT together" as many self motivation posts have pointed out already. The IT its aludding to may be related to these It girls ive written about previously.

Just joking of course, i just need to start studying more, and actually studying and get some part time job, something online even. Its not even that my degree is uninteresting to me, but when its your third time taking a class (and take the third as liberal as you can) and you still have no idea where anything is coming from, you kind of exhaust all other "faults". Its not my teachers as ive had many, its not my current environment, ive done both virtual and on campus classes, the basis ive had were enough for my peers who have already advanced into their actual careers so its me, its my fault.

And fault is so slimy and easy to ignore when its yours, and thats whats sweet about escapism, is that its soo easy and sweet, it fills the brain with that quick and easy dopamine. Love it! But working on your goals and marks on your life? ughhhhhhhhh such a lame-o way on life. Soooo

ive started this blog, mostly to hold myself "accountable" (blegh) and to aestheticize and romanticize life. But im sooo a total shut in, so i have to, in return, start to take care of myself for that outward appeal that they loove to share online. The basis of aesthetics, if you will.

Hopefully this and the deleting all other social media kinda works on favor of this. Hope i didnt come off as a total snob and more like a girl failure. we set the low very low so our highs(returning my overdue books to the library) look like actual progress.

Adding a pretty picture from when we visited our family on the province just to prove im not a Total shut in.

Lots of love, Celine

[toddstool]

Hello

I started looking into radical feminism a little over a year ago while I was rebuilding and repairing the damage to my life caused by men. It gave me a sense of belonging and made me think critically about a lot of things I had always taken for granted. I especially enjoyed how everyone seemed to encourage one another to question everything consistently. It was very good for my outlook and mental health.

Over time, the posts seemed to shift from educational to sensational. Im not saying this was the fault of the posters, I’m just saying what I experienced. It went from primarily discussing nuanced topics with no real answer which i thoroughly enjoyed since it encouraged thought, to primarily posts highlighting the depravity of men. I tried to filter these out as the thought of women being brutalized can cause me distress and panic.

The biggest shift, however, happened when I expressed my opinion on female separatism. I am quite pro and strongly believe that it is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your female loved ones. I did not understand in the slightest how women who claimed to be radical feminists could marry a man while continuing to hold their beliefs and values. I expressed this. I was blocked by a few mutuals and even more radfems I had never even spoken to. I knew upon making a “radblr” account that I would be blocked by half of tumblr but I didnt think it would be by the same people preaching to question everything and have open nuanced discussions. I considered deleting then because the website became almost unusable.

Instead, i found other radfems to follow. I became less likely to express an idea i was unsure of. I started step back from radblr as a place of learning and discussion and viewed it as an anonymous social media website. I was overwhelmed with the amount of posts detailing abuse and femicide. I understand that these events need attention for things to change, but as they were it felt more dirty. Like exploiting their stories for rage bait.

So with little to no traction on posts trying to discuss nuanced feminist topics and an overflow of notes on any silly dumb argument post, I, without intending to, began to seek out more fights. I noticed that I became more prone to showing my ass by replying with what i knew would get the most attention. I am not perfect. I crave attention and community like anyone else. When I became aware of what I was doing, I deleted the tumblr app. I felt weirdly empty and only managed to stay off tumblr for about three days. After that three days I saw the “I love men” post that I showed my whole ass on.

After that interaction was done, I started getting anons asking me how I could use the “dont forget your birth control” line since it was so obviously misogynistic and lesbiphobic. This would have been the ideal type of nuanced discussion i love if that’s what it had been. Is that line misogynistic? Why or why not?

But thats not what happened. What did happen was mutuals calling me names and blocking me. Radfems talking about how they always suspected I was lesbiphobic. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I realized that, at least for that account, everything I enjoyed about radblr was all but lost and everything I hated about the fandom/tra account I had was there. At this point I am just trying to stay off social media entirely, but it has become obvious that I am addicted to it. Pretty evident since I’m even typing this huh?

I may come back. I may not. Idk rn. We’ll see but for right now, I just wanted to tell someone why I deleted. I thought about making a post but that would be kinda dumb right? Haha.

I’d love to find a new place to discuss and philosophize but I dont think social media is the place to do it. Its not whats rewarded here.

Good luck and happy discussion, critical thought, and feminism!

-the blog formerly known as @lookupmedicalmisogyny

*for context: a while ago i made a post asking what happened to lookupmedicalmisogyny and she found it and sent me this anon :)*

not 100% sure if I should or shouldn't post this but hey it's whateva.

i totally agree that a lot of radblrs most popular posts nowadays are ragebait/sensational type posts that feel heavily focused on women's suffering or arguing with others on here, rather than educating or respectful discussions between our community. i don't really mind as I just scroll past stuff like that if I know it'll emotionally stress me out or if I find it uninteresting. these past 2 years anyway I've just used radblr to have fun with my mutuals/keep up with them and have a configurated feed to scroll made up from like-minded and or funny women. of course this works for me because I already got to experience and read well written and thought out posts when i was first getting into radical feminism. i mean one should read theory from genuine essays and books, but you can't disagree that quite a lot of girls and young women are first being introduced to radical feminism from social media ("properly" ig opposed to just thinking about it themselves). i think what a lot of women need are irl communities, and they replace that with online communities, because in person can be scary or difficult to do.

anyway kinda off topic there. i didn't see the post that you're talking about, so I'm not sure about any lesbophobic allegations. im not sure how "don't forget to take your birth control" could be considered lesbophobic according to a radblr prospective so idk 🤔 i do miss your educational posts. i remember them bringing topics to light that I had never known about when i was first getting away from liberal/capitalistic "feminism" that i was indoctrinated into as a kid. perhaps you could have one blog for writing serious/important posts for the feminist community and another more personal one that's for fun and to talk about mutuals. while I don't think online community is exactly the best, I wouldn't entirely discredit it. after all it allows us to connect with women all over the world and learn about their experiences! that's pretty awesome. and i can imagine men don't like the idea of women learning about our historical and worldwide oppression, connecting with women everywhere, and understanding intersectional feminism lol. i guess to sum it up as long as you have in person community that's involved with your local government and helping women near you, then i think online stuff is fine and actually a positive thing as well.

do what u feel is best for yourself! social media can be extremely damaging nowadays so take it easy and I hope everything gets better :·)

[pop-punklouis]

re: your anon from yesterday bc im lazy and havent updated my dash, that's why folklore felt so refreshing to me (as a middle school swiftie who lost interest when she went pop and was pulled back in by folklore). by that point she was 4 years into her relationship w joe and started expanding past just writing about public facing stories into creating new worlds and stories to write about. paired w the new genre and much more poetic lyricism (especially compared to lover) it was a breath of fresh air. in the last year or so it's like you said, tired. it's felt like we're moving backwards, we're back to taylor swift's newest relationship and all speculation about that and the last boy she dated being the main thing both we (the culture, in news articles and social media posts) and she (in songwriting) are writing about as if we're back in 2010, or 2012, or 2014, or on and on and on. as if no one learned or grew in these 10 years

i would agree. i, personally, believe there are layers to taylor swift's resurgence in popularity (to the insane extent it is now) and how it got a head start due to folklore. besides it being an album that kinda dropped in the perfect moment where we were all at home and resonated with music like folklore during the pandemic.... and besides it being a pleasant surprise to see taylor step outside of the comfort we all know her music to be with an album that is, largely, considered an indie/folk project.... it was in the songwriting, for me, that ultimately brought me around.

and, during that time i had, had a tumultous relationship with her as a celebrity and as an artist. the rollercoaster i had felt since 1989 with her image and music was fascinating when i look back at it, and Lover is the record that brought be tentatively back into enjoying taylor swift. yet, folklore is the album that sucked me in entirely. and it was because there wasn't any nonsense revolving around the release or the lyricism of the project. it was so detached from her life that you could actually focus on the music and her songwriting without being distracted by easter eggs or references to relationships/controversial songs/lyrics that would be broadcast in the headlines. i felt at ease listening to it and creating my own world and own interpretations out of this universe she spun around both evermore and folklore.

so, i do think that is such an important observation to see as her popularity skyrockets how she is digressing (imo) in her sound and lyricism. almost devolving into what she was beforehand, making pop music which is fun to listen to but really doesn't grip you or keep you coming back around because the lyrical content isn't as rich. i remember when folklore came out, i was on a podcast with a few writers that used to write for the same music publication as me, and we discussed all of this. and the one who wasn't as big of a swift fan previously, really enjoyed folklore because of the difference in pace and her songwriting. then, just last year a group of us in the same publication had a roundtable just to discuss all things taylor swift (from both those who enjoy her and those who don't see the hype), and the conversations touched a lot on this dynamic with her songwriting and the differing of opinions of her since like reputation to folklore to now the second era of overexposure of her with the eras tour and the disappointment a lot of people felt with midnights etc. so!!!

all in all, i agree. i think everything she/her team is doing now feels so dated? like we've been here in this loop before, and i do hope tortured poets surprises us all and makes me shut up, but idk all signs are pointing to the same marketing and sound she did at 21 and 24 and 27. it doesn't feel new. not to quote the girlie herself but i feel like ive seen this movie before and i didn't like the ending lmfao

[neurotic--erotic]

rambling about stuff and things (hi again)

hi, it's neo!!! long time no see, i missed it here :D this is gonna be a long text post and i'm just going to be talking a lot and reflecting on this whole blog. it's just a lot of personal feelings and life and other boring stuff. not sure if it's going to reach anyone and it probably won't be interesting, i've just been feeling very sentimental recently and wanted to talk about shit.

i know i've kind of just abandoned this blog and im really sorry. everything on this blog is representative of a period of my life that i look back on with nothing but fondness and joy, and im genuinely kind of sad it has passed.

i think when i started this blog i must have been 15 or 16, im 18 now and im in college :D i haven't updated here since my junior year i believe, but i have logged in occasionally since then, whenever i remember to, and it really warms my heart to see people continuing to find my stuff buried in the recesses of 2021-22 - if a little guilty as well for not being around as much but really i'm just very grateful. i've always been really socially inhibited and afraid to insert myself into online circles. this silly little blog was honestly a step forward for me because i always keep my hyperfixations to myself for the most part. i never really engaged with this community on a deep level besides putting my silly posts out into the ether, but it was still a very new thing for me to make myself seen, especially to share things that i made, and it meant so much to me to receive such positive feedback on it once i did.

sometimes i really hate my hyperfixation style. i fall so hard in love with something, i center my whole life around it, it basically becomes a part of my identity, but all of a sudden it no longer brings me that same rapturous joy. it gets kind of awkward when i've centered my entire blog around one thing, i've made myself known for being solely dedicated to that thing, and i just don't know what to do once i lose interest. it's hard for me to fake that passion, but i have no idea how to shift gears at that point, so i just kind of disappear. i more recently made a new blog and this same pattern kinda happened again with a more recent media hyperfixation. i don't know what it is about that piece of media, because a few months ago i was completely enraptured in it but at this point it feels so strangely far away that the thought of it almost repulses me somehow? i can't figure out why i fell so hard out of love with it, but i guess that's not the point. i was just thinking about that because it's so different from my experience with this blog.

i still love will wood, probably always will, i still consider ww/wwatt to be my favorite artist of all time if not just really high up there. i don't believe any other singular artist has had so much of an impact on me, and i'm so grateful for everything. that's another reason why it's kinda sad that i don't have the same amount of hyperfixation energy about ww; back then i fully understood how masterful and special this music is and the amount of passion i had for it, to fully immersing myself and to understanding everything about it that i loved so much, reflected the level of awe and excitement i thought it deserved. part of me thinks the right way to experience and appreciate music should be just like that, at least for me, and i wish i had that much passion about things more often. this might just be my special interest bias but i think music-related hyperfixation is so amazing, because so much goes into music as an art form that deserves to be appreciated to the fullest extent. my expressions of love most often tended to center around lyrics and lyrical analysis, as i think you can see on this blog, but i was also passionate about things like the musical composition, instrumentation, and behind the scenes stuff, just absolutely everything that went into it. i've always loved music, but this hyperfixation really taught me to like, LOVE music for the first time. i really look at music in a whole different way because of ww. i have so much appreciation for musical artists and the art of creating music.

of course, a part of it was the parasociality as well, i've always thought it was important to be honest with myself about that aspect of musical hyperfixation and to be careful to handle it appropriately and respectfully. i relate it to musical hyperfixation in specific because for me a considerable amount of hyperfixating on music extends past the music itself and ends up including the artist. ww's music was utterly fascinating and i became fascinated by the mind and talent that created it. that's another way it's changed the way i look at music; artists are so often just as interesting as their art, often because of the way their ideas, values, experiences, and character translate into artistic expressions that seem so much grander in scale than just one person. i wanted to better understand the music because a big part of why it appealed to me was that i felt that it understood me. i think it's that i felt such a personal connection to the ideas being expressed and the way they were expressed, i wanted to be able to express myself similarly but i couldn't, so i settled for gathering an encyclopedic wealth of knowledge about every aspect that shaped the music into the form it was presented to me, and that included understanding the artist. i developed this fascination with the way that any piece of art that anyone creates is inherently affected by the person that makes it, the time and place they make it, the mindset of the person and the experiences that shaped their mindset. even unconsciously or abstractly, when we make art we answer to an internal need to say something or give something form. i have a very analytical brain and i feel i often need to fit things together like puzzle pieces so that they make logical sense in my brain, but that logical approach was a way i used to bring myself closer to the music.

i really did (obviously still do) have so much respect for will wood, i regarded him as extremely talented in so many ways that i wished i could be, and i felt deeply thankful that he exists and that he put his art into the world. (all of these r still true of course.) every time i made something to post on here or infodumped about his music or something, i was expressing my gratitude towards him but directed it elsewhere. i think i was interested and fascinated by him as a person but above all else i was grateful. and it was weird to feel that amount of gratefulness towards a human being that i had never met and did not know i exist. i mean i'd had short-term parasocial fixations on people before, including specific musical artists, but probably the reason my ww fixation lasted so long and had such an impact on me was because of the amount of connection i felt to the music, like it 'saved me' in a way (cliche i know), and like it was destiny that i found it.

i guess i'll talk about that too. i think i must have discovered will wood and the tapeworms in 2019 (i remember it was my freshman year of high school), when spotify randomly showed me self-ish as a recommended album. i'd never heard of it in my life. i listened to it for the album art alone, and whenever i tell this story i need to stress how rare that is for me to do. i've never been the type to jump into an album i've never heard anything about or to be instantly fascinated by an artist. again, if i had a stronger belief in the concept of destiny, i'd point to this instance, but although i say so in a generally playful way, i really can't express how happy i am that this happened. i became obsessed with the album. i found it during a transitionary period of my life that was chaotic and often very stressful, and i fell back very heavily on all sorts of music, among which i came to consider self-ish part of this heavy rotation.

from there i eventually listened to everything is a lot, probably around 2020, and the normal album later that year. i really cant remember precisely when it transformed from a favorite artist to an all-consuming hyperfixation, but it was definitely within The Timeframe. you know the one the 2020 one. i got more and more into analyzing his songs and concurrently started watching interviews and stuff and becoming fixated on his public persona as well. there was a good period of time i would talk about it nonstop, and i started this blog in the middle of that, which is definitely very evident. late 2020 through 2022 were the golden years so to speak, but especially 2021.

i shared his music with my dad. we bonded over it a lot. it was really meaningful to me because i don't typically share my interests with him, and there have been occasions where he has been unreceptive or critical of them, but often we connect over music. i was so happy that he understood how fascinating i considered it and engaged with me in conversation about it. i have such fond memories relating to this, especially when we were on car rides together and we'd end up blasting the song with five names on full volume (ow, but fun lol).

in november 2021 my dad and i got to see ww in concert. he was offering like a vip front row q&a thing for that concert and my dad got those for us, i still cant believe that it makes me so happy thinking about it. took some really awkward pictures standing like 2 feet away from will and looking like i was about to explode, got a cd signed, cried during most of the performance, ended up getting a migraine from the spotlights and having to go outside for some of it, and it was the best fucking night of my life. i'll never forget how kind he was as well, because i was so nervous and awkward and lowkey panicking the whole time, i hope it didn't make him uncomfortable but he was so respectful and sweet and it meant so much to me. it was such a great experience. will is such a great person and i love my dad so much.

i guess after in case i make it i ended up moving on to other things, but in all honesty by that point i had lost a little bit of the passion already. i was still hyperfixated but at certain points i felt like i was faking it a little just because i didn't want to lose the happiness it'd given me for years at that point. again that's kind of just the cyclical nature of my fixated interests, at a certain point the adrenaline hit sadly starts to wear off. but i think because of this waning hyperfixation i experienced the album slightly differently than the previous few. for starters, i cried a lot. i think i wasn't so hyperfocused on analyzing the lyrics and dissecting every element, which was also largely because of how intimately emotional that album is, and instead i experienced it in a very sentimental and emotional way for the most part. i've been revisiting it a lot lately, it really has a special place in my heart. maybe it's the transition i've made as i've entered college that drew me back to the bittersweetness of ww's indefinite signing off in the form of solo music; in opposition to the chaos and passion that led me to this point, i've found myself in a place where it's often lonesome, reflective, and internal. i sometimes feel like i don't have as much time to be swept up in the world outside of myself, because i've just been trying to find my own place in the world. i think a lot about the future and what kind of person i am going to become. at times i feel like i've been distracted from the value of the things around me and out of touch with myself. i don't know. it's something of a comfort album, but it puts me in a very sensitive mood.

anyway, yeah. all this to say that i'm not hyperfixated on will wood anymore but he, his music, and all the memories i have attached to them will always have a very special place in my heart. i know i was never a big part of this fan community but i really can't express how much fun i had being here. again, i don't know who will see this and i'm sorry i stopped checking in, but i'm just so happy i existed in this space for a little while.

actually, i found a little something in my drafts that i never ended up publishing so.. maybe.. maybe content? :] maybe? just a little thing because like making graphics and posting song lyrics was so much fun and i just don't have the motivation to anymore and i miss doing it </3

i feel like i've said this a million times but thank you. like if ur seeing this ur so cool, even if you didn't read any of this and just scrolled to the bottom i'm so happy you're here. i guess we'll see what the future holds for this blog, which is to say i have no idea if i'll ever get around to posting anything and if i do i'm not really sure what it would be. besides the one draft that i want to see if i can finish up for funsies so i hope i can post that at least!!!

alright i can't believe i sat down for like 4 hrs and banged this whole thing out i'm in such a silly goofy mood rn. thank you for the last time. love you

[bootwtdoes]

Meet the mods! These are all of our twitter, tumblr, instagram and redbubble moderators! Learn about Sol by Reading below!!

Name and pronouns: Sol she/they/it/moss

Main Social Media (Go follow them!): https://twitter.com/lopaak

When and why did you join bootwt? Uh ohh so first thing is,,,im not apart of bootwt,,but im close to it!! i was into mcyt then i stepped away from it and now the community im probably the closest as of now are bootwt and the fnaf community!! but i definitely wouldnt say im apart of bootwt, i dont watch their streams (tho i watched genloss i loved it)

Why did you decide to join the Bootwtdoes Charity Event? I originally joined back when there were discussions about racism in bootwt and thorin proposed to make a charity event and since i was close to bootwt and wanted to participate in something good like this i joined!! kinda as soon as thorin made the tweet lol i remember. i had a great experience the first time, so i reapplied for the 2nd bootwtdoes event! i really wanna participate in uniting a community in a goal to do good stuff in the world and community-based charities are such a cool thing for that

What is your favorite Ranboo moment? Well it's hard to say. i have a lot of ranboo moments i absolutely love, but if i had to state some, id say definitely white noise with sneeg, all the really fun and heartwarming streams and moments with aimsey and guqqie, bc i remember being really sappy seeing them being so happy together and it filled my heart alot, and probably the purple goodnight pic that day was really fun

What is your favorite bootwt inside joke? ,,,,So honestly. idk since im not in bootwt,,, i guess as of right now id say the black ⬛ box from genloss, it's silly but also reminds me of how great genloss was, so id say that but yea im not deep into bootwt,,,,,

A big thanks to her and all of our helpers/mods! Without all of them we would not be able to do this!!

[the-100th-witch]

Update #? 12/15/23

Hello i've hit a wall lol

I have like an outline of a plan for the next year but I just can't get to that part where you plan out actionable steps to achieve the goals. Like i get to the "study anatomy" part but then I blank. Right now i got:

2024:

Study fundamentals each month for a certain amount of time each day and track improvement/progress after each month

Then Jan: Form, Feb: Line, etc etc

But then I get stuck on like WHAT to do. Just practice? I want to practice in a way where the information sticks. Maybe I should make a specific sketchbook full of notes also? like the practice sketch page and then a note page if needed? I use to know how to do this type of shit but it's been years since ive studied art like this (looking back I really do think I was depressed which stopped me from actively working on my art but I was so busy with school and work and life overall to really noticed plus feeling like I didn't deserve to be depressed? idk but im fixing it now lol)

but even though I hit a wall i feel like im getting SOME progress down. It's just frustrating bc I'll sit there and go "ok NOW WHAT" ugh. This is just one part of it (I got a Career portion and this is the hobby portion etc)

I'm house/pet sitting right now (thurs-sun) so I'm hoping to get some of this shit figured out while I chill out with this dog and cat.

Touching grass has continued to be going well but I do miss just bullshitting on tumblr lol but this has been good for my productivity and mental health so I mean something is happening.

Anyways, byeee I guess Im doing an update each week lmao but it's been helping me kinda keep up momentum with my "social media break" other than just being on tumblr/twitter for hours on end bc i dont know what to do with myself (save me year plan and to do list ToT) I'm mostly doing this for myself anyways lmaoo

ok byyyeeee~

[topconfessions]

im kinda a newbie when it comes to these stuff but regarding jennie’s yacht thing, why would she accept being sold by her company AND only get a small % of it? like id get if she got the whole 2 million (i doubt she needs it too at this point she’s making sm more from other gigs) but to get p1mped while also being this powerful and famous? if she did it for yk connections or an opportunity id understand but money? esp as a nepo baby dont think shed sign up for that.

Honey.

You have a lot to learn.

I understand your point but you are sorely mistaken if you think being a celebrity and peaking i.e finally becoming established with so many deals & noterity expels a celebrity from mistreatment. Did we not learn from TLC, the biggest selling contemporary girl group before destiny child's who got fucked over contractually and were just as broke as a regular person despite just getting off a tour and winning grammys? All they had were company planted gifts and styling that they were billed for like Korean idols and had to announce being scammed at the grammys publicly. It's not related to sex but this example sheds light on how celebrity life is NOT what they show you and tell you at all. It just isn't.

did we forget that one Korean male group like 5-6 years ago who were beaten and abused under their agency?

Did we forget boys over flowers major scandal where that actress was practically pass around to get SA'D severely and had nothing despite being on the biggest show of that decade?

there are so many celebrity names I could drop and even models who have sold out selling pussy to make ends meet.

This all speculation with Jenny i.e allegedly. You don't know what she would sign up for just like I don't. That lifestyle they are living is not a regular societal lifestyle like ours. Power dynamics are severely imbalanced especially over there .

She's not jun jihyun or Lee hyori not even hyuna so why wouldn't she be given a small fraction of it? some of the tea the anon spilled to some degree does seem implausible but I do believe she may have been exposed to or brought into something unsavory. No offense but from how you're explaining it, I can tell you are a newbie. Thats okay. We all get into the scene as newbies.

When you see celebs these days on yachts and mega sail yachts or boat parties, do you genuinely think they are hanging out and vacationing? Cause if you do? The discussion is already over. Jennie is extremely blessed to be young in the new advanced tech era and where social media unites us all for her to have such access to everything she has and I'm happy she's doing the damn thing and it's a win in general but subjectively speaking, I truly don't believe in my opinion one can rise to this magnitude at her talent level and media train alone surpassing others who should have rightfully been there without something underlying there. I'm willing to be fair and say she is where she is cause she's benefitting off the times today cause Korean music was isolated and sparingly promoted here. Korean industry is now on par with America but just a few steps behind.

Anyways, I still remember that random rumor YG shut down with a quickness (which is abnormal for them and him) saying he was having a sexual relationship with Jennie. Then the same rumor was said for Teddy. The media is vicious and can make up crap out of nowhere for sure but sometimes not all of this rumors just come out of nowhere and do stem from some real behavior, even if someone saw something and exaggerated it to the internet.

Remember that.

I don't ever remember a back to back rumor like that floating around about a girl group member and an agency head like that since Yang Sun Huk (It's been so long, I forgot his name but the former owner who wore the hat during BB and 2NE1 days) dated and married one of his girl group members which well is truth.

That's all. You have to tell me this cause you find it illogical and farfetched, not because you're a fan and you don't want to phantom that for her. Again, minus the fact she speaks English well and YG promotes them / books them gigs into over time, you've got to ask yourself why her of all people especially out of everyone in BP landed the idol gig with the weeknd and has opportunities no other idol has gotten to that magnitude? Lisa has great gigs and so does Rose but look closely..m

[cryptidunknown]

so recently i’ve been kinda having a bad time with my mental health and with christmas break right around the corner i think i’m gonna use this break time to work on my mental health and self care a bit.

there’s a lot of things i need to work on, but the reason i’m here is because one of my biggest problems is social media addiction. specifically tiktok.

i spend most of my day every day hopping from one app to the next, just opening them and scrolling for a bit and not finding anything satisfying and hopping to the next app. i don’t even post on any sites but tumblr, but i have tumblr, tiktok, twitter, facebook, pinterest, reddit, discord, youtube, and snapchat all on my phone and i check all of them several times a day. i don’t even talk to people on discord or snapchat, i just open it compulsively to check the notifications tab (even though i have push notifications on and i rarely get notifs since i don’t actually talk to people) i won’t even watch anything when i open youtube half the time. i don’t tweet and i don’t interact with anyone on facebook. i spend 2-3 hours every day scrolling tiktok and getting nothing out of it. it’s all just escapism and compulsion and, i believe, a genuine addiction. and i think the first step to fixing my mental health issues is to put an end to it.

i’ve tried to stop this before and it hasn’t worked. it doesn’t matter how many times i delete apps or put time limits, i’ll either just find something else to doomscroll or i’ll ignore the time limit entirely.

so this time i'm trying a different tactic. im going to post on here every day (or every other day) to share how much time ive spent on social media that day. I'm hoping this will hold me accountable and give me an actual reason/incentive to spend less time scrolling.

here's the goals/game plan:

no snapchat or discord unless im actually responding to a notification or messaging someone. im leaving them on my phone because i actually do want to use them to make more friends, but im no longer allowed to just open them without reason.

same for youtube, im gonna turn on notifs for my favorite channels so i know im not missing anything and im not allowed to open it unless i actually plan on watching something. same idea with reddit but i might just delete that because the only thing i actually do on there is read r/nosleep

twitter and facebook i actually use to get news and stuff, so im still allowed to check those but i am going to start being conscious of how many times i open them every day

im not deleting tiktok yet because i have a friend or two and my mom who sends me things on there and i like sending things to them. i think for now im gonna just impose a 1-hour time limit on tiktok. this hasnt worked before but i hope it will now since im reporting back to yall. im also required to actually check my dms and the following page when i use it instead of just endlessly scrolling the fyp

tumblr is always allowed because i get actual enjoyment out of it, but i am going to start being more conscious of how many times i open it every day. also am going to make an effort to use it on desktop rather than the app bc i have WAY less problems with scrolling when im on desktop (this goes for all social medias tbh)

a03, my kindle app, podcasts, music, and pretty much anything that involves actually reading or otherwise engaging my brain is always allowed

i think a lot of the reason i turn to social media in the first place is out of boredom and my brain craving easy stimulation. so i think the only way ill be able to successfully avoid compulsively opening social media is to replace it with a less brain-rotting, but still reasonably easy to digest stimulation. I have a couple different ideas for this. ive found that a03 can make a good substitute for that constant stream of content that i crave, and while it may not be the best way to spend hours of my day, binge-reading fanfiction is still better than endlessly scrolling tiktok. so for now at least, a03 is one of my... coping mechanisms is the word i guess. i also picked up the first Heroes of Olympus book from the library and plan to read it over thanksgiving break this week, because it should be easy enough to digest that i dont get bored every few pages and try to open my phone like i do whenever i try to read a book nowdays. my long-term goal is to be able to read properly again, but for now i think a03 and middle grade fiction is a good start. ive also never read HoO and im really excited about it lol. ive also got a knitting project im working on, a podcast im binging (TMA), a few shows i want to catch up on, and games i want to play. im listing these out because they are all easy, digestible forms of entertainment that i can turn to instead of scrolling and get actual enjoyment out of. i know most of them are still just consuming content but right now im just trying to find things to replace endlessly scrolling social media and the things i listed are all things i Actually Enjoy.

this post has gotten very long and sporadic but hopefully i can look back on this post when i need a reminder of how badly doomscrolling and social media addiction affects me and why i need to quit.

im gonna attempt to give a daily update on how much time i spent on social media that day. all posts about this will be tagged as just "#cryptid stops scrolling" in case you wanna block that

and here’s my screen time from last week just to give y’all an idea of where we’re at