#im literally blubbering rn

[llannasvsp]

it’s 3 am and i’m actually sobbing bc of lloyd garmadon-

[cakejerry]

Bts zesty as FUCK like why are you going to a private trip right after filming in the soop together. Why was jimin sobbing blubbering about "we will stay in the dorms together forever, right guys?" while the rest of them exchanged awkward glances. Why did they stay up until 3am having "deep talks" i cannot imagine these people in private talking about anything besides the things they're not allowed to discuss with anyone else. Lips literally vibrating with the need to be honest for once in their lives. I fucking hate our fans, the company is so stupid for making us do this song, x celebrity is ugly as fuck, I finally got a date with y idol, im lowkey nonbinary but i got a job rn so i cant really worry about that, man im so glad im rich, fuck poor people... Etc etc

[feedeepreggobellyluv]

Heres what my fiancee and I ate today (we both got our own stuff no sharing 😏 we split it all pretty evenly)

Morning

4 sausage burritos

4 sausage mcmuffins

4 hashbrowns

3 large Hi-Cs and 1 Large Coke

2 Large Caramel Frappes

Afternoon

2 ft long subway subs

Italian cheese bread with rotisserie chicken extra provolone lettuce pickles onions extra garlic aioli

4 chalupas

2 burritos

4 tacos

2 nacho fries

3 large baja blast fountain drinks

2 packs of cinnabon delights

Evening

2 1lbs burritos (with pork, chicken, steak, spanish rice & refried beans, topped with queso grilled shrimp, pineapple and chorizo)

4 large baskets of chips

2 cups of salsa

2 cups of queso

2 sides of rice

2 sides of beans

6 corona extra

1 friend ice cream sundae with hot fudge and a fried toritlla bowl (serves 4-6)

A F ton of candy

Today was amazing we literally smoked weed and stuffed our faces all day, cuddles scary movies sex its perfection. Shes so swollen that she said she felt like a whale. Also told me if this is what being pregnant feels like then she needs to be fat and pregnant all the time. Shes too nervous about it being so new to this community that she doesnt want to post rn but she said she’d think about it in the future, meanwhile she keeps hinting to me hints and one liners that feeders would keel over for and also is wanting a mistress or other woman for the both of us so Im lowkey hoping that she ends up loving this cause I would explode if I saw another cute girl feeding her (skinny or bbw or ssbbw we like alot of different body types). Lastly she had to take her bra off in the car on the way home cause her stomach was so bloated and her boobs have grew quite a bit recently, she had to pull her yoga pants down to let her fupa and belly plop into her lap I almost came in my pants just watching. Meanwhile I feel like a blimp, just like her I cant stop burping and farting and waddling. What really suprises me is that even though were super stuffed our belly buttons haven’t popped out, her and my navel are so deep you can tell were become lard filled blubber balls

I know this is alot but Im just so excited about how this Halloween went and how our journey is going 😊

[ihatebnha]

hey pretty, I just wanted to tell you that it's not your fics that makes this your blog, it's you!! so don't feel like to be here you have to be "working" or "posting". you're you and I love u for that. really, I love it when you answer asks, you're so polite, gentle and funny, it actually makes us wanna talk to you. but!! if one day this whole thing ever overwhelms you it's okay baby. just wanted to let you know that you alredy give us so much <33 you are amazing in indulging our thoughts, you give us tiktok content and amazing dad headcanons for all the characters!! know you're doing great, you really are active here and we love you 💗❤❤

[virgoisms]

wow what the fuck I love my siblings so much

[evera6234]

Gotham’s Salty WIP: Chapter I

RATING: T (Teen for cursing and stuff, this may change)

SUMMARY: 

Basically, the typical Daminette with a bit of lime and spice. Borderline crack fic bc i cant without humor. 

Marinette Dupain-Cheng goes to Gotham whilst carrying three years worth of emotional baggage, what she does with it, we don't know. Does she lug it around? Probably. Does she kick it off a skyscraper? Not probable, but maybe. Does she use it to drop kick an unsuspecting liar. Most definitely.                ~~~> EDITED BY OLLIETHETURTLE ON AO3

Transferred from AO3. 

Lemme know if ya wanna be tagged

OK. Umm.. First fic on AO3. K. We doin this, and we starting with this god awful piece of trash. Yes. Life. Fuck. 

Things ur signing up for:

Big boi Mari & Chloe Friendship Good Vibes TM

My ass shitting on Adrien bc im a salty bitch (and if u aint about that life, its ok. U can leave bc im not interested in fighting with people. No offence or disrespect to adrien stans but yea)

And Adrien stalker moments

Lila and Alya salt (plz see “im a salty bitch”)

Shitty update schedule, if any. I’m counting on yall to harass me to write.

Marinette & Jason “sibling-esque” relationship bc we all need that

An obscene amount of cursing (as you can already tell)

The class will not be  “Our singular communal brain-cell is fucking dead, help.” levels of dumb, but still “I have the IQ of a wet potato sack” levels of dumb.

Eventual negation of canon bc we live that life

“Espresso with a dash of Depresso” Moments TM

I'm originally an MLB fan. So do what you will with that info.

The good old “Ozmav AU” but with some lime and spice

As slow burn as I can

Mental Health stuff and the repercussions of having multiple identities treated completely differently

And the crown jewel of this entire fic… Auntie Harley and Ivy.

And….. sorry…. Ppl will kinda be OOC but im trying my very best. 

Tbh I have no idea where this going rn but... i mean… it going somewhere (specifically hell) because everything does. Leave ideas plz, don’t kill me. Just bully me. 

So yea. Lemme know what u want and if I want to, I might just squeeze it into the fic (if it fit ofc, im not just gonna add random 50 year time-lapses). I'll try my best ;)))) (<-- my quadruple chin)

~

Chloe’s head hangs heavy on Mari’s shoulder as the pressurised air surrounding them vibrates with the sounds… of well… a plane. Chloe had a tough couple weeks; late night combat practises with the new team (LB, Hornet, Viperion and Ryuuko) has obviously taken a toll on her partner. Both wrapped in a thick velvet blanket that Chloe remembered to pack (thank kwami) sharing a pair of headphones, both were lulled into a peaceful slumber.

Alya laughs as Lila tips her small glass of diet coke (that a flight attendant painstakingly poured for her) on a sleeping Marinette’s side of Chloe’s blanket, effectively waking her up. “Oopsies! Sorry Marinette! You see, the cabin air has really been worsening my arthritis. I didn’t mean it! I swear! Cross my heart!” apologized Lila with fake concern as Alya giggles beside her. 

Marinette, literally seeing Lila’s crossed figures behind her back says “At least Chloe is still sleeping, she needs the rest.” Alya, Lila and her empty cup saunter beck to their seats nearby. 

~

Mari and her class finally land in Gotham’s cold December night. Freshly hushed into a private shuttle, the class are driven to their hotel. It is late: around 3:30 AM. With heavy eyelids the class gazed out the bus’s windows in awe. The merging view of traffic and Christmas lights chase them to their residence. No one really remembers or knows what happened that night. Just the feeling of falling, be it into a white fluffy hotel comforter or into the crisp Gotham air. 

~

“Oh! My! Gosh!!!” hears Marinette as Lila on the bus to Wayne Enterprise. “I feel so. At. Home!” In Marinette’s tired ears, there were more exclamation marks. 

“Of course… The only thing that can inhabit Gotham alleyways are cockroaches and villains,” Chloe grumbles beneath her breath, looking out the window.

“What have I ever done to you Chloe?” Lila cries, “I understand why Marinette bullies me, she is a jealous and vile girl. But I thought you, Chloe, want to be a better person, not a bully like that bitch, Marinette!”

“How dare you. How dare you. HOW DARE YOU!” Chloe yells as the recent words loop in her mind, 

“Not gonna call your daddy, huh?” Alya taunts. 

Chloe, with tears in her eyes begins, but is quickly interrupted by Marinette, “No she will not. She doesn’t need to. Chloe grew a lot over the last couple months, I’m so proud of her. She doesn’t need your bitch-ass approval.” Marinette grasps Chloe’s hand which previously wrapped itself around the fabric of Chloe’s heavy caramel winter coat.

“Quiet on the bus!”, A yell came from the front.

“But, Mr. Bus Driver… Marinette is being a…”

“Shut it! Y’all want me to kamikaze this shit into a building? I’m guessing y’all value your lives so shut it!” 

“Ms.Guardian, can I please have a cookie?” Pollen softly asks from the inside of Chloe’s giant white faux leather handbag.

“Shh… Pollen! Now’s not the time!!!” stresses Tikki.

“Please Ms. Guardian!!! I’m so so so hungry. This bag isn’t very warm and it’s taking all my energy to keep warm. A lil blubber wouldn’t hurt…. please!!”.

“Of course Pollen,” quietly respond Mari with a grin, “Here you go.” She pulls out a couple cookies from a Tupperware and hands them to Pollen. “Please share them with Tikki,” whispers Marinette into the bag. 

Marinette and Chloe then hears two tiny “thank you”s followed by the sound that can only be described increasingly aggressive chomping. Both girls giggle quietly.

~

“Welcome to Gotham,” says an unenthusiastic man at the front desk. “Congratulations, you are…” He checks his computer. “On time? Interesting.”

“Yes, we are aware,” grumbles Mrs. Bustier, already done with the man’s attitude.

“Okay so before the tour starts I’m doing to need the student who set-up this field trip to sign a couple forms and stuff. Here ya go.” The man pushed a thicc pile of paper into the teachers hand. 

“Oooh! That would be me sir!” Lila chirped, intercepting the papers before skipping back to her posse of her’s. A few seconds after beginning to fill out paperwork Lila cries “Ouch! My wrist! My arthritis! Can someone help me filling out all these form.” 

“I’ll fill them out, I’m only going to need your signatures,” offered Max.

“Thank you Max, you are so sweet!” Lila complements. 

“Of course, your arthritis was badly affected by the altitude yesterday, you shouldn’t be staining your wrist so early!” Max blushed. 

“Maribug, you gonna to say something?” 

“Nah, just watch. Entertainment without a Netflix membership.”

[choerrypuffs]

lana, you brilliant, genius son of a bitch

i just read the jeno fic, and to say very satisfied is a big understatement

i ltierally cannot wrap my head aroudn the fact that you write so fucking beautifully and YOU WROTE ACTION FOR FUCKS SAKE THATS CRAZY AND YOU WROTE IT SO SMOOTH TOO?!?!

even though i was quite literally lying on my bed for around an hour i felt my ass on the edge of a non existent seat. literally rolled at every conflict, every laugh, every little thing i would just re read it because its too good to just move on you know

AND FUCK DUDE ITS FANFICTION?!?! WHY DO I WANT TO BE A FAN OF A STORY WRITTEN BY A FAN LIKE . i pictured each scene in my head so well?!?! it felt physically like a movie, and a literal book dude im fucking sobbing it was beautiful

AND HTE JAEHYUN PLOT TWIST OH MY LORD WHEN I TELL YOU I PHYSICALLY GASPED AND JUMPED I TELL YOU EVEN MY ROOMMATE COMES IN TO CHECK ON ME

and okay,,,, maybe im a little biased (so very biased uhhh) but when the Poseidon sibling came i jumped up and screamed

pshhh no not becuase donghyuck is my favorite character of the whole series no not becuase im a huge sunflower haha

it was moon. im moon biased. (read: hyuck biased)

besides that, i could really feel the development between jeno and mc it was so smooth i could never

and the way i just . got to my seat like 'ok ccsa, no incoherent keyboard smashing, put in all your thoguhts' but i had to delete half of this ask because it was jsut keyboard smashes but you dont see them LMAOAO

thank you for yet another masterpiece lana!!!!!!

also hi get ready for glitch mode MUAHAHAHA

- ccsa anon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hi ccsa here again i have many thoguths about th efic rn you dont even know

all i want to say is

jeno has main character-itis but the real main characters are the Poseidon siblings !!!! like what a fucking entrance dude !!!!!!! holy fuck wash that bitch away !!!!!! bring us back to safety you strong magnificent beasts!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHH OMFG MY LOVELY CCSA ANON YOU ARE THE SWEETEST EVER WTFFFF 🤧🥰🥺 THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO LEAVE SUCH KIND AND LONG FEEDBACK !!!! 💕💕💕 you’ve literally made my night and i’m especially emotional bc i’m on my period so this response will make zero sense and will just be me blubbering incoherently <33333

OMFG IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT YOU LIKED THE ACTION SCENES 😩 i swore i would never write action again after my atla series bc i had no clue as to what i was doing but i never learn my lesson 💔 i literally was miming the actions like a lunatic at 4am trying to make sure the action scenes made sense LMAO

SKLFSLLW  YOU ARE TOO NICE THANK YOU SO MUCH 💖💖💖 PLSS NO I’M YOUR BIGGEST FAN I ALWAYS TELL CAT AND MOON ABOUT HOW MUCH YOUR MESSAGES ALWAYS MAKE ME HAPPY 🥺🥺🥺

i’m glad the plot twist got you 😌 but wow your roommate is a true friend i’m glad they had your back and made sure you were okay 😤

LMFAOOO FRRRR MOON AND HYUCK ARE SO ICONIC 🤩 we love power siblings <3333 *victoria justice voice* i think we’re ALL moon-biased 🤧

honestly all the side characters stole the show who cares about the main couple anyways 🙄

i’m glad you liked y/n and jeno’s relationship though !!!! e2l is my fav trope of all time so i really wanted to do it justice 🤧

JKDFSKJD NOOOO SEND THE KEYBOARD SMASHES IT’S LIKE HALF OF MY RESPONSE ANYWAYS WE CAN KEYBOARD SMASH TOGETHER 

THANK *YOU* AGAIN FOR SENDING SUCH A WONDERFUL ASK IN ILYSM CCSA ANON

[the118firefam]

no, but i get that there might be a lot of heartfelt reunions in Heaven but IMAGINE the awkward ones :

kelly and the winchesters.

you think for a minute she isn't gonna deck them at least once for trying to get her precious baby boy killed? oh, hell no. and like 99% sure jack's gonna be in the background going "mom, stop! you're embarassing me!" and he's gonna whine like a typical teenager and then she's gonna be like "you listen to me, you try to harm my boy again im gonna kick your ass so hard. you think he's powerful cos he's god? im god's mother." and sam and dean are genuinely scared before she finally pulls them into a hug and thanks them for protecting him

adam and his mom versus john and mary.

OH THE AWKWARDNESS! everyone in a two mile radius can feel the tension radiating and sam and dean will probably be in the background with popcorn ("oh, c'mon cas, let us have this. this is golden!") mary would go straight up to kate and hug her and apologise and both the ladies become good friends pretty quickly. adam, on the other hand, just straight up goes and decks john and walks away bcos fuck him. mary and kate would also leave almost immediately leaving a shocked john and barely-able-to-control-their-laughter sam and dean behind.

castiel and john.

castiel would first go up to mary, hug her and apologise and she'd just shush him and tell him her death wasn't on him. ("i saw what you did castiel. we all did. thank you for saving them– saving him.") and then he would move to john. he'd size him up and so would john and mary would scoff and leave the room. cas would go all s4 on his ass, with his blue steele meets bamf glare and even john winchester would kinda be fucking terrified. he wouldn't even say anything but the rage would literally radiate from cas. then he flies away and john would be very close to passing out because hot damn, he wouldn't wanna piss that angel off

jimmy novak and castiel.

im not even gonna say anything about that cos you can imagine the hilarity that would ensue. and the finally jimmy would break the ice by saying "so, castiel. finally made your move, huh? proud of you." and cas will blush so hard and john who would somehow be in the vicinity would be so confused because castiel, the powerful angel is blushing and that's something he would never have thought would happen.

AND the last one i could think of : DEAN AND CAS.

here's cas who's probably like "oh, i don't have to deal with that rn" and he's drowning himself in work so much that he doesn't even realise that dean's here until he's there. and he just panics so hard cos fuck, he's really not prepared and so every time dean's in the area he goes invisible girl or he whooshes away (jo and charlie LOVE this because c'mon, you know they would) then finally, finally dean corners him and he's left a blubbering mess before dean just pulls him into a hug, calls him an idiot ("cas, you sonofabitch you leave like that ever again im gonna kick your fucking ass. c'mere. dumbass. ofc you had me. you've always had me. clueless idiot.") and then they kiss and in the background you can see charlie smirking and jo giving her money because hey! jo didn't know dean had grown out of his emotionally constipated bs

[wellusetheshadowstoouradvantage]

Can you just write all the answers?

woof okay sure (im assuming you mean this ask):

✨Music ask game hoes✨

1. Most frequently played song rn

hmm i think neverenders by fiatc, Kiss The Ring and Tomorrow’s Money by mcr, and EVOLVE by Shinedown

2. Favorite 2000s era song

Our Lady of Sorrows or Hang ‘Em High 

3. Go-to sad song

World Destroyer (if that counts as sad) and Demolition Lovers

4. Favorite movie soundtrack

doo-doo-doodoo-doo-doo-doodoo-doo-doo-doodoo-doodoodoo!!!  (if the link isn’t working, it’s Pirates of the Caribbean)

5. Number one artist/band you wanna see live

Fronk Oreo and the Fresh Vegetables

6. Artist you’d love to sit down and have a conversation with

Jish Dun aka DJ Spookey Jim

7. Give one controversial music-related opinion

i mean idk I’ve only really heard a couple of Metallica songs but they’re kind of boring? The riffs are just too repetitive and it takes too long to get the point, i tried listening to One and i couldn’t even get past the first minute cause the damn song wouldn’t start. I’ll stick to punk stuff,  thanks.

8. Do you like having physical copies of music?

like cds and stuff? i would love to, not that i actually do, i might try toconvince my mom to let me get Barriers when it comes out

9. Fave 90s era song

I haven’t listened to much but Basket Case is awesome

10. Go-to happy song

Summertime by MCR!!!! its my favortie Danger Days song, which totally contrasts from my favorites of the other albums but it just so darn beautiful. also while we’re on the subject listen to For The Lost And Brave by Ray Toro please it is so beautiful

11. Most played playlist

I don’t really make playlists because my moods are so weird and i can never pinpoint which songs i will want to listen to. I do have a couple playlists that spell out phrases though, like I Lied, AMBULANCE, Miss Me, Give Em Hell, Kid, Addict of the Gallery, and You are my sunshine. (true story)

12. A song that you have a very specific memory attached to- explain

Friend, Please by TØP, kind of self explanatory 

13. Fav 80s era song

does The Tropper (by Iron Maiden) count? its also one of the only songs i know that come from the 80′s so i don’t have much to choose from

14. A song that youd get the lyrics to tattooed on your body

I’ve always wanted “I’ll be your android girl” from F.T.W.W.W just cause its super punk but i’d also get “I am not afraid to keep on living” “Faith is to be awake” “Never let them take the light behind your eyes” “crazy=genius” and “Tatty my king” (100% joking about that last one, dont get any ideas)

15. A good song to blow your car speakers out to

Save Yourself I’ll Hold Them Back or I Am Going To Kil The President of the United Sates of America

16. A song from your childhood

the Agent Emes theme song or every barney song ever

17. Artist with the most angelic voice

Faith Marie or Ray Toro, maybe Aiden Gallagher

18. Fav 70s era song

Anarchy in the UK, i can never get it out of my head

19. A song that reminds you of your best friend

sometimes we all just stand in a cluster and sing I Wanna Be Sedated under our breath

20. Songs you use to fall asleep

.stage 4 fear of trying. by fiatc or Diluted by DeathSpells, depending on  my mood

21. Song you wanna get laid to

haha no

22. A song that’s lyrics are engrained in your mind forever

Fat and Alone, your out on your own, king of blubber, sitting on your throne (im pencey prep trash)

23. A song you cannot stand

In My Blood by shawn mendes, or every shwan mendes song ever. its literally just cliche after cliche, god just kill me now

24. Top 3 most listened to music genre

Punk, Alt Pop, Metal, idk genres are over rated i just listen to whatever appeals to my ears at the moment

25. Songs you’d fight to

the entirety of three cheers for sweet revenge, Say Amen, Smells Like Teen Spirit, and The Shining

wow that was fun, thanks for the ask stevie

[holycalum]

vice (c.h.) part 3!!

summary- (y/n) has another #breakdown but like ACTUALLY this time she goes home just read it 

part 1 part 2 part 4

word count- 3.6k+

a/n- im terrible at summaries i figure if ur reading this far you don’t care you just wanna know what happens ya dig? also i appreciate all the love and support for this fic so much?? because i really thought this would flop but im so happy people are enjoying it. vice is literally my baby rn and i’ve put a lot of effort into it, and to see it pay off is grand ok goodbye. “fuck yeah,” i slurred, holding up my red cup in triumph. “midterms are hashtag over.” i slumped into britt, and she groaned, trying to push me off of her.  

“you’re too drunk,” she yelled over the thumping music. “your flights early tomorrow.”

“don’t care,” i smiled, dancing again. but britt’s word cut through my drunk thoughts moments later, and traveled straight to the gut. i might as well have doubled over because of the sinking feeling in my stomach. i had to go home the next day, and i didn’t want to in the slightest. the remix playing was drowned out as i stopped dancing abruptly, and got stuck in my head. the dark cloud that was rarely over my head anymore came crashing back, and i didn’t have calum to distract me. i had pushed the idea of me leaving college a semester early to kick start my life the back of my head, letting myself get lost in my studies for once, and calum. the second one was really the kicker. i pushed my way through the crowd, suddenly feeling very queasy. i stumbled throughout the unfamiliar house. miraculously i found a bathroom, and practically threw myself into it. i locked the door behind me, and fell to the floor. the cool tile soothed my burning skin, and i felt like i was human again. i crawled over the the toilet, head spinning. 

as i gripped the disgusting bowl and willed myself to throw up, i couldn’t help but let a few tears fall. but that was only the calm before the storm, because soon enough the dark cloud above my head stormed onto me. i cried so hard i gagged, and couldn’t catch my breath. my heart felt shriveled up and small and dead.

i had never been the drunk girl to have a complete meltdown, but i couldn’t stop the emotions from shooting out of every pore in my body. i felt like i was one big sad blob, and i physically couldn’t stop myself from getting drenched in the waters from my dark cloud. 

my crisis was interrupted by a knock at the door, i prayed it was a nice drunk girl that would braid my hair and tell me i’m pretty so i’d stop crying. but when i unlocked the door, calum’s eyes met mine and i cried even harder. i leaned against the cabinets, face in my hands, not wanting calum to see me at all, i wanted to disappear. 

it was funny, in the moments i wanted to be alone with my thoughts the most, calum always seemed to show up. 

“no, no, no,” calum’s words came out frantic, as he kneeled down in front of me and pulled my hands away from my face. the look of panic on his face sent my head spinning. 

“what’s wrong, pretty girl?” his nickname pulled at my heart strings and only made the knot in my stomach grown tighter. 

i couldn’t catch my breath enough to get any words out, so i sat there blubbering like a toddler, looking down, only for calum to tilt my head back up. 

“hey,” he cooed, shutting and locking the bathroom door once again, this time not leaving me alone. he sat against the door, and pulled me to his lap. “let’s just calm down and then we can talk, ok?” he said softly into my hair. i nodded against his leather jacket, trying to take deep breaths. even though i hated being so broken in front of calum, i couldn’t help but cling onto him like my life depended on it. the contact between us grounded me. 

every once in a while a sob would break through my breathing, causing calum to tense up and hold me tighter for a second, before going back to rubbing slow circles on my back. 

once i brought myself back down to earth, i pulled away from his chest, the world around me tilted in all directions. “i don’t wanna go home,” i cried, my words making tears well back up in my eyes. calum’s face was full of guilt as he stared into my bloodshot eyes.

“hey,” he shushed me, wiping under my eyes. he’d need a whole box of tissues to dry my cheeks, “it’s ok, just go slow.” 

“i wanna fall in love, cal.” i admitted, not being able to control the thoughts involuntarily pouring out of my mouth. “i want it all-but i cant have it. they took it from me. i don’t wanna go back.” a lump in my throat sprouted from deep within me, threatening to send me into another crying fit. 

i could see his eyes go glassy, “no,” i begged, “don’t cry.”

“m’ sorry,” he chuckled weakly, reaching up to wipe his own eyes. “going soft, sorry, continue.” another sob wracked through my chest at his state. i leaned my forehead against his chest, letting another cry out. 

“i’m hurting everyone around me,” i said sadly, “i don’t wanna hurt you anymore.” it became crystal clear that everyone was only calum. 

“but it’s so worth it, doll.” he whispered sweetly, smoothing the hairs around my ear. “you’re my sunshine, at the same time. what a contradiction you’ve proven to be.” it almost didn’t make sense. 

i settled against his chest, finally feeling a bit calmer. “an’ i know you’re really drunk right now, so i doubt you’ll remember most of this,” he starts, breath ghosting over my neck. “but, i accidentally let you in and i can feel myself falling for you. and it sucks because you’ll never be mine, fully at least, and you’re one of the only people i’ve let in so close to my heart.”

“stop,” i pleaded, “i don’t wanna know,”

“it’s not a bad thing, pretty girl.” he reassured me, “teaching me that it might be worth it, to let someone in, to enjoy someone’s company beyond sex.”

“i wish it didn’t have to be like this.” i mumbled, feeling very tired. 

“let’s get you home,”

i woke up the next day, to my blaring alarm clock. my head pounded as i flailed my hand around to turn off the terrible noise. it was the day of my flight and i couldn’t have felt any worse. eyes almost glued shut because of how puffy they were, traveled to see i was in the same clothes i was wearing the night prior. i felt like i’d been kicked in the face. clearly i had cried the night before. oh, the night before. 

i remembered almost everything, the crying, calum, more crying. it only made my headache worse. i showered to try and make myself feel less gross, but it only washed away the physical layer of grime. the emotional dirtiness would stay forever. 

i shrugged calum’s shirt over my head, it was dark blue, with maine written in bold white letters. it was probably my favorite shirt on him, so he insisted i have it. it was probably a bad idea to be reminded of calum while i went home, but it made me feel happy, and i could’ve used some light in my life. i pulled on a beanie and my long winter jacket, before grabbing my bags and heading towards the door. my roommates were still passed out from the night before, pillows over both of their heads. 

“bye, guys.” i muttered, before swinging the door open. “jesus, calum.” i breathed, clutching my chest, my heart almost stopping at the sight of him. 

“hey, sunshine.” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. the nickname launched me into the events of the night before and i willed myself not to break. 

“hi,” i breathed, biting the inside of my lip. “thank you, for last night.” 

“anytime,” he replied, “nice shirt.” this time his eyes sparkled a bit, before his face fell. 

“what’s up?” i questioned, not understanding why he was standing outside my dorm at almost eight in the morning. 

“i wanted to say bye to you before you left,” he rocked back and forth on his heels, hands shoved in his pockets. he looked small, and tucked into himself, “feels like i’m losing you.” he mumbled the last part, almost low enough for me to miss it completely.

“please don’t say that,” i shut my eyes, forcing the tears to stay inside of me. he shrugged weakly. 

“i guess this is goodbye,” he smiled at me, brown eyes shining. my stomach sank and i reached towards him and engulfed him in the biggest hug i could muster. i wanted to keep him with me forever. 

“promise me you’ll see me when i get back,” i begged him, clutching onto him for dear life. his tight grasp around my waist indicated he was doing the same.  

“i promise,” his words were muffled by my shoulders, where his perfect face was squished. he pulled away, painfully, almost making me whine at the loss of contact. “goodbye, (y/n).”

“bye, calum.” i breathed, standing on my toes to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “i’ll see you when i get back-when i get home.” it was honest, being with calum felt more like a home than my own childhood house did. 

“i’ll see you then,” he gulped, and he watched me walk away. the entire trip back to my hometown, i spent on the verge of tears and a nervous breakdown.

[11:34 am] me: i can’t do this 

[11:35 am] calum: cant do what sunshine?

[11:35 am] me: my plane just landed. 

[11:36 am] calum: you can get thru this pretty girl

[11:36 am] me: you have way too much faith in me

[11:38 am] calum: (:

calum’s lightheartedness made me feel a bit better as i gathered my luggage painfully quick. near the baggage claim, my parents were waiting eagerly for me.  

“(y/n)!” my mom exclaimed, in a much different tone than she’d had the last time we spoke. it almost made me throw up at how sweet she was acting when the last time she made an effort to talk to me was to try and get me to drop out of school. 

“hey guys,” i plastered on a fake smile, bringing both of my parents in for a hug. “how are you?”

“wonderful, now that you’re back!” my dad said, rubbing my shoulder. “how about we head back to the house and have some lunch, i’m sure you’re starving.”

“i am!” i lied, i wasn’t. not in the slightest, my stomach was twisted and the idea of food made me want to yakk on the spot. my appetite had disappeared the second i turned around to see calum’s pained expression as i walked away. the drive home was tense, calling for awkward small talk and bad jokes. 

when we walked in the front door, i was greeted by a very happy david. my mouth fell open as i was halfway through kicking off my shoes. i felt like my body had been frozen solid. 

“i thought you didn’t get back for another day,” i deadpanned, not being able to hide my emotions. the whole trip was already emotionally heavy, and seeing david so soon only added another layer overbearing feelings. 

“i wanted to surprise you!” david pulled me in for a lingering hug, he was too keen on surprises for my liking. i hugged him back, and our bodies didn’t mold together like calum and i’s did. i felt no fire, i felt no excitement, i felt nothing except for a heavy emptiness settling in my chest. 

my little sister, maya, bounded down the entryway. “(y/n)!” she yelled, and i ripped myself away from david to embrace her. 

“hey, lil’ one.” i said, smiling for real. i pulled away, looking at her. “not so little anymore,” she was taller than i was now, towering over me by a few inches. 

“how’s junior year?”

“rough,” she rolled her eyes, “how’s college.”

“great.” i smiled widely, catching david’s eye, “i love it, you know that.” it was the in small victories. 

“stressful, though!” david cut in,

“a good kind of stress,” i snapped back, turning my eyes back to maya slowly, boxing david out of the conversation. “i’ve met a lot of great people.”

“who’s shirt is that?” she asked suddenly, gripping the dark blue fabric. her eyebrows furrowed together at the sight of the unfamiliar shirt. 

“just a friend’s,” i smiled, my mouth doing dry. maya wiggled her eyebrows at me, and i hit her arm. i wasn’t really lying, calum and i weren’t together, so that left us as friends, although friends weren’t necessarily supposed to act like we did. 

the air that hung around us was dense and suffocating, so i saw myself to the kitchen, where an array of food was laid out in front of my parents, and david’s.  

“hey honey,” david’s mom smiled at me, pulling me in for a hung. she kept an arm wound around my waist as david’s dad caught my attention. 

“how ya’ feelin, kid?” he asked, grinning widely. 

i gave him a gentle smile back, “i’m great,” i breathed, trying to grip onto the last of my sanity that would make my statement at least a little true. we spent the eve of christmas eve making small conversation, settling into the way things had always been, and will always be. 

i ended up sprawled out on my little sisters bed, late that night, face down. everyone had left, and i could finally feel my shoulders relax. 

“so...” maya sat next to me, causing me to roll onto my side. “you seeing anyone?” she mused, poking my shoulder. 

i sighed, “you know i shouldn’t.” i put simply, trying the avoid the thought and conversation. 

“when has that stopped you?” she challenged, “i know you don’t really love david,” she added quietly, looking at me with caring eyes. 

“even if i was...” i started, “it can’t be a good idea, it’ll only hurt more people in the end.”

maya frowned, “you deserve to be happy, (y/n).”

“i know,” i pulled my lips into a straight line, “i can make it work, i still have you.”

“you won’t be fully happy,” she fretted, her tone more upset than it was before. 

“maybe no ones ever fully happy,” i shrugged, “maybe i’ll just be a little less happy, i’ll survive.”

maya chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment, “do you think they’ll make me marry someone i don’t like too?” i sat up, and tucked a piece of her hair behind her hair. she seemed like a little girl again, and it broke my heart. 

“you were always more stubborn than i was,” i whispered, smoothing her hair down, “they can’t hold you down, lil’ one.” she smiled, “goodnight, maya.” the topic became too much to stomach. 

“night, (y/n).” i made my way out of maya’s room, padding down to my old bedroom. it was almost exactly the same, just a bit staler, from the lack of movement. the bed was freshly made, and i climbed into it, feeling drained from the day.

i woke up christmas eve morning, and fell into the bustling nature of the day ahead. i was helping cook and clean and prepare for everyone to come over. that night we’d have cousins and david’s family and david’s cousins over, and we’d all have one big painful night. 

when i was younger, christmas eve couldn’t come quick enough, and maya and i would spend the whole day waiting for the evening. but, as an adult, the festivities proved to be more annoying than joyful and the night rolled around too quick. my late afternoon nap was interrupted by my mother shaking me awake, informing me of the arrival of our relatives. 

i sleepily greeted everyone as they got to the house, stopping for a long conversation with my grandfather. i had never been more grateful for his ability to digress into the longest conversations ever, when i saw david and his family walk through the door. i focused on my grandfather, listening to whatever he was speaking about.

“that’s really interesting,” i said, “tell me more.” i practically begged, and my grandpa almost passed out at the excitement of someone wanting to listen to him. 

“hey, (y/n).” david piped up, his blonde hair was littered with snow flakes from being outside. 

“one second, david. my grandpas just telling me a story-“ i was cut off,

“that’s fine, sweetheart.” my grandpa said, his smile fading a bit. “go on.” i gave him a sad grin, and hugged him briefly before david pulled me towards the living room. 

“i was having a conversation,” i crossed my arms in front of david, pushing him out. 

he rolled his eyes, “i know you hate those conversations,” 

“that one was really immersing me!” i shot back, stomping my foot. he gripped my forearm, pulling me closer, “don’t throw a fit,” he grumbled, running a hand through his hair. 

“whatever,” i brushed it off, knowing i wouldn’t get my way. “what’s up?” “i just wanted to talk to you,” he answered, “i hadn’t seen you since i visited you and we hardly spoke yesterday.”

“m’ just tired,” i rubbed my eyes for effect, 

“we’ve barely spoken on the phone either,” he sneered, his face almost as flushed as his pink shirt. 

“two way street, david.” i said, my face straight and unmoving. 

“you know i love you, (y/n).” david sighed, reaching out for my hand. it was cold and uninviting, unlike calum’s warm embrace. “i just get busy, and distracted. i could use something to pull me out of it.”

“i get busy too,” i stated, my hand stiff in his, and i wondered if this was his idea of love. 

“with that major...” he muttered under his breath, and i almost didn’t hear him. “i just want us to be on good terms.”

“we are.” as good as we could get, it wasn’t saying much, but it was something. he smiled. 

“good.” and then i walked away, excusing myself to the restroom. i stood in front of the mirror, hands gripping the sink so hard my knuckles went white. i let myself breath for a second, feeling i’d lose control if i didn’t. i pulled my phone out quickly, typing a text to calum. 

[7:27 pm] me: merry christmas eve

[7:30 pm] calum: merry christmas to you, pretty girl

[7:30 pm] calum: how are you?

[7:31 pm] me: surviving 

“(y/n)?” a knock cut through my trance and i jumped, going to open the door. 

“hi,” i caught my breath, looking at my mom. 

“dinners ready,” she stated, “you alright?”

“yes.” i nodded, following her to the dining room. david took a seat next to me, uncomfortably gripping my thigh throughout the night. his touch wasn’t reassuring or nice, it was repulsive and empty. 

after dinner, we all sat in the living room, gathered around the tree, giving our cousins gifts and opening them early. it was a family tradition to open gifts from extended family christmas eve, and david’s family had intertwined with ours, making it like a huge pre-christmas. once all the little cousins finished opening toys and sharing with one another we all started to fall into our own conversations. 

“i actually have one more gift,” david’s voice bellowed, it was loud and dripping with confidence. 

oh no. 

“it’s for (y/n),” he said, shifting his weight to one of his knees. 

oh no. 

“(y/n),” he started, grabbing both of my hands and the attention of everyone around us. i felt maya’s eyes shoot to mine, wide and worried. i felt sick to my stomach, “i love you, you know that.” my whole body was lit aflame and not in any desirable way, i felt too hot and crowded and my tongue felt like heavy sandpaper in my mouth. 

i couldn’t do anything but sit there, mouth hung open, heart pumping wildly. i watched his mouth move but i didn’t hear any noise come out, my ears rung loudly.

“will you marry me?” i didn’t answer, i couldn’t answer. 

“of course she will!” my mother shrilled loudly, clutching her chest. 

my eyes were dull with loss, the sharp edges of my memories with calum slicing at my heart as he slid the ring on my finger. i felt like i didn’t have myself anymore, or even know who i was. i didn’t know. i didn’t care. 

david pulled me in for a hug, as our family clapped loudly around us. it was all real and i couldn’t stop it. 

i looked calm, up until i finally shut my bedroom door behind me. all at once my tears flowed out, the dark cloud above my head had once again stormed on me, leaving me soaked to the core. i dragged myself to my bed, not bothering to change out of the clothes i’d wore that night. i felt hopeless as sobs ran through my body, shaking every part of me. my room was miserable and cold, and the only sound piercing the silence was my occasional cries i couldn’t keep quiet. 

i cried for me, i cried for my future kids, i cried for calum.

calum

. i wanted to tell him, i wanted to hear his voice and i wanted him to tell me it was going to be ok, but it wasn’t and not even he could change that. but i longed to feel him, and the brightness he elicited by only giving me a look. my heart ached as i fell asleep, my future dragging me closer and closer.

a/n: ok drama lmk what ya think even if its me being stupid and spelling something wrong but feedback is appreciated! thank u for reading!! part 4 should be up tomorrow or in the next couple of days. ALSO im gonna fosho gonna write more after this is done so if you have an requests pls message me i would love 2 write what yall want ok goodbye love u 

tags: (lmk if u wanna be added for part 4/any other shit i write) @rexorangecouny

[ohliv-art]

i just came off a 9 month facebook hiatus and reposted a bunch of stuff sayin how fucked up the situation is in Charlottesville VA and got blasted by like 3 racist sexist trump supporting fuckbois i went to high school with and just jfc.

my anxiety levels have been so good here lately and today they’re sky high. I do not enjoy debating. I do not enjoy arguing. I am peaceful. I am conciliatory. I HAVE MY FUCKING LIMITS OKAY. YOU GONNA ACT LIKE A DUMBASS LITTLE WHITE BOY BITCH IMA WHOOP YOUR ASS

Swear to god the first one mansplains fuckin novels to me, the second one i shit you not dismissed everything i had to say and basically called me over emotional (that may be a little true), sexist (wtf im a woman), bigoted (no), and close minded (just no). CLOSE MINDED TO WHAT, BITCH? NAZISM? and the third one who ive know since elementary school and who’s always been a problem child and who terrifyingly enough is in the military said i have no idea what im talking about and i shouldn’t blame Trump. ???

gggguuuuuhhhhhh I dont like to fight. I dont. I’m way too soft for that shit and i am genuinely shaken. I am literally shaking rn. I am actually afraid of these people bc I know they are highly unstable with guns and bad attitudes. BUT ILL BE DAMNED IF I LET THESES MOTHER FUCKERS JUSTIFY THIS BULLSHIT! FIGHT ME, COCKBITES! i mean please dont fight me BUT IF YOURE GONNA START SOME SHIT WITH ME YOU BETTER BELIEVE IM GONNA FINISH IT ILL KICK YOUR ASS i really am a blubbering goddamn pansy BUT ILL GIVE YOU HELL NONETHELESS

[thefangirllanguage]

im literally a blubbering mess rn i repeat myself alot but that was incredibly

[latenightbotanist]

I have feelings about the ode to joy and im going to dump them on you

At the time i am writing this part i have suffered through twenty two (22) hours of “ode to joy” repeated in my brains so you are gonna suffer with me now. Srsly, ask @madgronkish i kinda lost it around noon.. Anyways. First thought when i heard it was literally" theyre not going to fucking reunite them to THAT SONG??!?!“ Whilst i was wrong about sherlock driving the car…they still did that. Thanks mofftiss.

Ok now down to business. First off, DISCLAIMER, i am in no way qualified to do this? I dont know much about music and have like half an experience at writing meta? so..sorry in advance, maybe just look at this as inspiration and well..gay feelings bc i have enough of those to go around rn.

I will also tag some lovely people who actually know how to do this whole meta thing, and who knows, maybe one of you actually reads this mess and makes somethin out of it? Possibly? Idk, i dont blame you if you dont, really. @quietlyprim @loudest-subtext-in-tv @joolabee @hudders-and-hiddles @love-in-mind-palace @teapotsubtext @beejohnlocked @kinklock @marcelock @gaytectives @ormondsacker @culverton

So.. for all of you who dont know, ode to joy (originally “freude, schöner götterfunken”) is part of beethoven’s 9th symphony, it is the first ever symphony to incorporate voices, the lyrics mostly come from schillers “Ode an die Freude” and the melody itself has been the european anthem since 1972 (1985 if you insist on EU).

Ok so lets have a quick look at the lyrics(and i really mean quick, these are my notes from this morning, not exactly coherent but enough to get a general idea of my feelings about this, we’ll get into more detail later) i also put both the english and german version bc i felt at some points things got lost in translation, but honestly i dont know what to do about that so yeah, if you speak german, good for you, if not and by the end if this youre not bored to death and still have questions dont hesitate to ask i will awkwardly but gladly try to elaborate (this applies not only to lyrics btw)

O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!


Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen,


und freudenvollere.

/

Oh friends, not these sounds!


Let us instead strike up more pleasing


and more joyful ones!

(Literally lets have happier stories, also the score.. yes lets get the johnlock theme back,please)

Freude!
Freude! / Joy!
Joy!

Freude, schöner Götterfunken


Tochter aus Elysium,


Wir betreten feuertrunken,


Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!


Deine Zauber binden wieder


Was die Mode streng geteilt;


Alle Menschen werden Brüder,


Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

/ Joy, beautiful spark of divinity,


Daughter from Elysium, 

 
We enter, burning with fervour,             (Cant set the heart on fire if its

 
heavenly being, your sanctuary!              already burning w/ love, yall)


Your magic brings together 


what custom has sternly divided.               (Gayyyy!!!!!)


All men shall become brothers,           (Secret brothers,reunion…)


wherever your gentle wings hover.      

(Idk, mrs hudson is an angel?)

/

Wem der große Wurf gelungen,


Eines Freundes Freund zu sein;

 
Wer ein holdes Weib errungen,


Mische seinen Jubel ein!


Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele


Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund

!
Und wer’s nie gekonnt, der stehle


Weinend sich aus diesem Bund!

/

Whoever has been lucky enough.         (Luckiest man in the world,


to become a friend to a friend,                 my only friend, … ) 

 Whoever has found a beloved wife,


let him join our songs of praise!               (Uh….how bout no?)


Yes, and anyone who can call one soul


his own on this earth!                                       (My john…..)


Any who cannot,

let them slink away
from this gathering in tears!   (Mary crying,then disappearing)

/

Freude trinken alle Wesen


An den Brüsten der Natur;


Alle Guten, alle Bösen


Folgen ihrer Rosenspur

.
Küsse gab sie uns und Reben,


Einen Freund, geprüft im Tod;*

(Like.. sherlock died and
 came back for john what more proof??)

 Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben,

 
Und der Cherub steht vor Gott. 

Every creature drinks in joy


at nature’s breast;


Good and Bad alike


follow her trail of roses.                  (Good and bad, rosie, hmmmm)


She gives us kisses and wine,


a true friend, even in death;              (Or only in death?hey mary)


Even the worm was given desire,     (Mycroft? Nah,probs moriarty)


and the cherub stands before God.    (Sherlock, my lil cherub)

/

Froh, wie seine Sonnen fliegen

Durch des Himmels prächt'gen Plan,

 (Plans…ominous)


Laufet, Brüder, eure Bahn,

 
Freudig, wie ein Held zum Siegen.

Gladly, just as His suns hurtle


through the glorious universe,


So you, brothers, should run your course,             (the way it was always


joyfully, like a conquering hero.                                  meant to be…..) 

/

Seid umschlungen, Millionen!


Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt!


Brüder, über’m Sternenzelt


Muß ein lieber Vater wohnen.


Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen?


Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt?


Such’ ihn über’m Sternenzelt!


Über Sternen muß er wohnen.

/

Be embraced, you millions!


This kiss is for the whole world!             (,!!???? Like???????Yes pls)


Brothers, above the canopy of stars


must dwell a loving father.                                (Or two? Hey dads)


Do you bow down before Him, you millions?


Do you sense your Creator, o world?


Seek Him above the canopy of stars!


He must dwell beyond the stars.

Well that was……….. kinda gay. Yeah yeah i know its just a queer reading no i dont believe it was intended to be gay by either beethoven or schiller (or was it?? Irdk) but. in the context of the show. which is rather what were looking at. Pretty damn gay, right?

Ok lets have a look at my absolute favourite lines first:

Your magic brings together/what custom has sternly divided.

Well… i think we can all agree that society has, quite sternly indeed, divided holmes and watson, romantically. Homosexuality just simply wasnt a custom, or at least very frowned upon, mildly speaking. It is rather magical to watch this wrong being righted though, i should think. More specifically in bbc sherlock, the divide has come through a custom of not speaking to each other, and guess what?? Yeah hudders is friggin done with that bs these two are talking now!

And then…

Be embraced, you millions!/This kiss is for the whole world!

*shrieking* do i? Do i really need to talk about this? I think not. This just…. yeah. I mean really….. I would like to add at this point that, at least to my ears, embraced sounds like a rather tame option of translation. “Umschlungen”, to me personally conveys a certain vigour, almost as if the embrace might… idk.. come as a surprise to some extend? Take the air from some peoples lungs? Yeah dunno what that could be about……

If you still need more i guess i could just blubber some more about it all but tbh what is structure? so yeah, here we go, feel free to leave anytime i mean its already pretty gay and hurts my heart i wont blame you if you think 

•WE ARE NOW ENTERING THE REALM OF JOY… yep thats happening things are getting happy, please, god, let them actually. And this joy that we will feel when John and Sherlock ( finally) get together will mend all the wrong thats been done to those two, and us Holmes fans, during all these years of being kept apart by society and norms and customs, homophobia and heteronormativity. Were entering a sanctuary, we are literally save here!

•General message of schiller’s ode to joy is literally that HUMAN CONNECTIONS ARE THE CROWN OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE like wow yes thank you it is as if human connections were the stuff that…completes you as a human being. Say what? 

•Not only is this true for johnlock but also for our entire community, were bound together by the joy of this show, our joy will mend what heteronormativty destroyed, the joy of their kiss will unite us, we will embrace it and the joyfull gayness will embrace us! 

 •The fact that its literally such a groundbreaking piece of music. There have been symphonies over and over but this is new, this is different, he incorporated voices. Groundbreaking,earthshattering… u get it. Seriously if anyone who has even a slither of a clue about music wants to educate me on what the inclusion of voices could stand for please im begging enlighten me my brains too fried im already struggling to get this done(as you might be able to tell. I am so sorry)

 And now, onto some more shit i stumbled upon in the original poem that, sadly, didnt make it into the song but: 

•Have patience for a better world to come, god(mofftiss) is good and will give you what you deserve

•Forget hatred and revenge, forgive your (arch)enemy who shall not have to cry or be rueful (ahem mary. Also possibly mycroft to some extent who knows whats gonna happen) 

•Bravery even in agony,help where innocence is weeping (hi john) 

•Something about oaths and telling the truth to your friends as well as enemies and how lies will bring everything down…… 

•Narrowing the circle, making oaths with wine and staying faithful(keep believing!!) 

•Salvation from tyranns, hope to the dying, mercy in council, forgiving of sins and ENDING HELL well ok then yes to all! 

 No honestly theres a lot and im horrifically underqualified and have a headache so i’ll stop now. If you actually read this whole mess of a thing.. thank you. Bless your soul. I’ll make you an origami elephant or something

[lesoleilxjulien]

hotel room, tokyo.

oK ;3; fsnfjsdfnjs i hope you you have a nice trip back home tomorrow then! you really have to travel a lot for your job omg o3o i can see that being nice bc different environments and such!! o3o bUT YO. she's pushing his buttons and he's just "dONT TOUCH ME" like im shaken. i forgot how awful marie can be. JuLIEN MY SON THOUGH OHMYGOD. i can finally spoil that one of the few pictures seen in the dispatch post are them holding hands. and ofc the going in hotel. so there is one thing julien can cri over. IM SO HURT.

OUO thank you! It's nice to go home but lol it's a little perk. I told Beth I was like IM SORRY I DONT FLY THIS MUCH FOR WORK THEY JUST NEED HELP I AM SORRY FOR HIATUS AFTER HIATUS. Also ugh Marie. Julien will legit cry ok. Like he's so sad when dax is all drunk and "hahhh yeah he went home with this pretty little thing. don't be surprised if he looks exhausted in the morning, she was hot af." And Jules is just /strained smile "....o-oh. good to know. goodnight." and he's just in the hotel hallway in pajamas getting a drink from the vending machine ok, he was not expecting this. he just goes back to his room and curls up and cries bc /wow ok maybe I was looking too much into it and he actually doesn't like me in that way lol what did I expect why am I crying in bed/ and tbh had he been drinking he probably would have pulled a Jerome and called Jerome's phone and left drunken voicemails of him crying and blubbering something incoherent

BUT RIIP NNOOO oHMYGOD im SO IN PAIN. but at the same time. all those realizations. Like why IS he crying over the fact that Jerome with a girl. Like. WHY. if they were /just/ very close friends it wouldn't be like this. and omg. pulling a jerome. if he would still be at maries hotel he would feel his phone buzzing in his backpocket. if its during his cab ride back he cant seem to answer the phone, his vocal cords not letting him, nor does his mind. omg he'd listen to it probably the second he wakes up from his broken sleep because of his alarm he didn't turn off. He'd see the many missed calls and left voicemails. He'd swallow loudly and listen quickly becAUSE WHY DID JULIEN CALL HIM? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO HIM? DID MARIE JUST KEEP HIM AWAY FROM HIM? and he'd hear him crying. marie hatred intensifies because he couldn't be there for julien omg and jerome just rushes out of his hotelroom to juliens. he asks idols walking around were he is and then insert them seeing each other wow

TBH. He's devastated at Jerome leaving with a girl but also upset at the fact that he's so hurt over it bc WHY SHOULD HE BE HURT HE SHOULD BE HAPPY JEROME FOUND SOMEONE. And Julien would have great technique when pulling a Jerome ok. He cries into the phone and Jerome's inbox is full and Julien's battery is dead and he fell asleep but woke up a little hungover with puffy eyes. He would instead just clean himself up and throw on his glasses and blame his allergies and sinuses ("Julien it's autumn there are no plants out" "I said it's allergies >>") but he'd prob be holed up in his room until he needs to be at the stadium. Jerome would probably find him as he's opening the door to put the room service tray outside and it's just them looking like shit but looking at each other and Julien just "...." /sniffles and straightens out while looking at Jerome "what's up?" And he's trying so hard to act like he's unbothered, like he didn't just bawl into his cellphone a few hours ago

ohmYGOD. It's such a confusing time because Julien doesn't have his feelings sorted out as clearly as Jerome has. (which only grew after that night let me tell u) and these feelings hit him and omg. bUT the blowing up of Jerome's phone. You don't knOW. how far his heart is up his throat because of the notifications on his phone screen. and ugh. He'd be so panicked. He could almost faint. All this added pressure to his brain wow. But when they see each other, and Jerome is just stood there staring at him, noticing the puffy eyes, the sniffles, staring straight through the façade, before a snap, a switch goes off in his mind that makes him drag the other back inside of his hotelroom, a total disregard of asking for permission and the door isn't even closed yet Jerome is holding his arm maybe a bit too tightly, standing close as he talks "Are you okay? Why did you call me? Did something happen? Tell me." and he'd say that in a string of words without a breath being taken, looking at him so intensely that wOW. He's in a weird place in his mind rn so he's all on edge and that also means on edge with emotional things and CARE INTENSIFIES.

TBH Julien's feelings are all just a gray puddle. He can't even begin to sift through all his emotions he just knows that he needs Jerome in his life. His eyes would go wide, a tiny gasp escaping as Jerome pulls him back inside with the door shutting behind them. Julien would look up at him, tears starting to well up in his eyes a little but he blinks them away and clears his throat. He can't hold Jerome's gaze rn, bc he will prob end up crying again. "Nothing happened. Just got drunk and lonely. Happens all the time." And he'd he'd move to wiggle his arm out of Jerome's grasp, gaze to his feet while clutching his arm. "I'm sorry if I bothered you last night with my calls, I guess you really were busy." mumbling softly. "But you don't have anything to worry about." It's so out of character for him because he's usually the type to just address things and be blunt about it to clear the air but things are always different when it comes to Jerome.

I'm in pAIN. The fact that he isn't telling him directly what is going on is very reminiscent, only with the roles reversed and Jerome gets a taste of how Julien felt when he couldn't admit he was falling in love with him. And Jerome is scared, the string of voicemails left on his phone having him in a panic. There is tension in his jaw again, but not in the way it had been when he was eye to eye with his ex. It's in the way of biting back emotions, seeing his eyes turn teary before his gaze left him. "You don't just cry without a reason when you're drunk and lonely." He says, voice just above a whisper as he looks at him with such a caring look that Julien misses when he looked away. "I should know." Admitting this, he searches for his eyes as he counters Juliens attempts to escape his hold by taking a hold of his other arm as well. "Tell me." He demands but there is a wavering in his voice, allowing his voice to grow softer and a bit more desperate. "Tell me please, I already regretted this night, don't make me regret it more." And he says that without thought, "Tell me why you called. Tell me why you cried." Julien looks at him then, whether its due to himself or due to Jerome cupping his chin and tilting his gaze up. "Tell me why you needed me." oh wow i wanted pain anyways

TBH it's actually their positions in reverse and it's literally the same reason too I'm crying. And Julien hates that Jerome is trying to reason with him about it. "Well I was drunk and alone so I felt lonely," he'd counter. Julien would bite on his lip, blinking to keep his tears from falling even more, and his gaze would fall on the way Jerome's hands grip onto his arms. He just needs a little coaxing to finally let his thoughts escape but he's still stubborn and he shakes his head when Jerome first asks him to tell him. He shakes his head again when Jerome asks him to tell him why he called and cried. And finally the third time Jerome asks him and Julien can turn away his resolve finally crumbles, tears starting to fall and "I was upset that you left with her!" he'd reply, covering his face to try and wipe his eyes "dax told me you went home with her and you didn't pick up and I-" and he'd stop bc he's starting to shake and sob and "I was upset, okay? Is that the answer you were looking for? The answer you wanted?" And ok yeah pain it just hit me heaves