#im missing a lot of stuff but yeah
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Things I make for myself when insomnia kicks in
Just a chart about what I wanna change up and keep consistent in my art - I mainly wanna draw Raph with a tail because he deserves one, it fits too well. Donnie gets a long tail too because I didn’t realize how dino-like he looks until I gave him one, and now it’s a must for me haha.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#note these are veryyy much for my own art so by all means ignore this completely for your own unless it resonates#these are just my personal headcanons#I’ve been getting more and more fond of the turtles having tails - especially Raph whose design honestly feels more complete with one#I also am now attached to Donnie having a long tail too because 1) he looks cute with one and it really works for him and-#2) I LOVE giving the Brains and Brawn duo more stuff in common#I could write an essay about how many things Brains and Brawns duo has in common in general#but also portal duo as well!!#we already know that Mikey and Leo look a LOT alike#so I think it’s cute when Raph and Donnie have stuff like that in common with each other too#like how canonically Donnie’s sclera are on the yellow side like Raph’s#anyway I’m sorry if this is a random post I am very tired and still have not slept#ALSO yeah i wanted an excuse to doodle April it’s been too long i missed her#I’m excited to finish this comic up to show the OTHER reason I gave Donnie a long tail#I made this in like five minutes because working on my comic was not working out#also Draxum totally has a tail he’s a sheep#I lean away from Mikey and Leo having longer tails mainly because their designs are already so busy#with all the colors and shapes present on them#so to me longer tails kinda takes away a bit#meanwhile Raph and Donnie are more monochrome in comparison so I feel like tails only help them?#I think as well Donnie’s torso/carapace being on the shorter side makes a tail balance him out#(me trying to justify the visual gag im putting into the comic for literally only two panels)#didn’t draw the caseys because I am tiredddd#and they would have just ended up where April is anyway
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North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)
#detroit become human#north wr400#simon pl600#markus rk200#josh pj500#jericho is just... so funny to me as like. how they function (or dont)#like im v glad that i did a Good Job my first run and no one hated me but i also felt like a very distraught parent#in regards to how markus is just able to either hurt them (by suggestions OF THE OTHERS IN THE GROUP)#or help them because hey what the fuck i just dragged simon to safety and now north wants me to kill him#and then simon like oh no north got shot you should leave her BUT ! i saved her and made simon happy#so its like you know what they have to have some animosity but also respect#i feel like i wanna see more of north and simon being buddies ... and i might have to do that myself#but i also apologize if this is ooc for them because i really did only just play through once and got a not good end#i probably missed a lot of lore and stuff so im v sorry if im Messing Them Up#its currently just me liking their designs and vibes and hoping im not ruining other fans lives by being wrong#and i honestly dont know when north would kill simon but hes on her possible victims list#so since both of their victim lists include themselves for suicide it just reminded me of the meme#with im so mad im gonna (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health)#and it was like yeah watch north be like im gonna (well if i cant kill myself because markus said no suicide) murder someone
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some doodles
#i meant to put the balor one in the previous post but i forgor 😭its in a diff file from the sketch dump i was coloring in so it just didnt#exist in my mind at all. i felt like smth was missing as i was posting it but i couldnt place what hlep#adeline and eiland have been driving me insane lately. expect more of them. probably.#dont minf the last two guys. some concepts for future farms 😋 (pls mind them im crazy abt all my farmers even if they technically dont -#exist yet. pls ask abt them or smth pls im nroaml i can be nroma l i prommy)#fields of mistria#fom balor#sona#im gonna start tagging that i think.#fom eiland#fom adeline#fom elsie#fom farmer#my art#guys can i just say that im so happy that balor is silver n not gold cus otherwise i would have to confront a part of me im not proud of#we shouldnt talk abt it but like yeah jjust know i like his silver and his whole deal#have such a softspot n bias for characters who dont settle anywhere. who never lay down their roots or whatever. who keep their past secret#like oughh hes hitting so many marks#i like hawthorne a lot. hes more developed in my head. and also i like his dead look and hair bows. i have so many ideas abt him man it hur#i promised myself i wouldnt make a new save file til i reached y2 w rory but apperantly errols bday is cursed bc the game has frozen twice#sorry if you read all of these tags. go to my askbox w fom stuff or smth. ask abt my farmers plsplspls pl s jk haha unless. maybe even#gimme drawing reqs for fom in general. ok tyvm ly sorry for yapping. its what i do best
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i truly do find it kinda silly when ppl dont grasp that u cannot act like the narcissistic and self-absorbed behavior thats present in lannisters contradicts deeply rooted and intense self-hatred or low self-esteem. like the former doesnt at all dispute the latter lol it showcases it more than anything honestly
#ppl do it with all three and it was esp present with cersei a lot#we are talking about tywin’s children here#like yeah they have an awful relationship with the self and fail to love themselves#intense obsession with how people perceive u is also a key example of how there is clearly something wrong with your relationship w the sel#like most of the time thats their own voice of loathing in there ingrained by not only their society but tywin’s rearing#like them overdosing on copium is not at all evidence of the contrary#ig its bc they are all pretty psychologically complex but i do believe all of this is hard to miss#i do think this is what grrm excels at#jaime lannister#cersei lannister#tyrion lannister#like writing a realistic character dealing with stuff like this is not gonna be them going just ‘i hate myself i suck so had’ on loop#i dont want to take this the pop psych direction however im not psychiatrist lol
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IT IS TIME. BASTARD FAMILY LINEUP 2023 BABY!!!! WOOO!!
#the hollowridge disaster#oc ref sheet#dragonfang#adam#knife#adriel#dianne#nirven#beial#richard#december#WOOO YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE ALL THESE GUYS SO MUCH i have been working so hard on this for a few days im so excited to have it done#also before you ask yes adris jacket is grey in this because it fits the b/w theme i want for HR but canonically its teal denim still#that has not changed#ALSO ADAM WEIGHT RIGHTS. PUT SOME HEFT ON THAT GUY#no longer a malnourished emo boy. hes still emo though.#and bei melanin rights too#im gonna explode i love these guys so much i need to show this asap on god!!!#if you are new here i hope u like them!! if you are an old fan/follower i hope u love them still!! :DDD i got a lot of stuff planned#hollowridge my fucking beloved of all time how i have missed you so..............................#💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞
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Mks angst - existential crisis. his friends being hurt or taken from him. Being abandoned. Failing. Being seen by others the same way they see swk maybe???
Swk angst - just indescribable physical pain being inflicted on him. Loneliness. Losing Mk
Mei angst - familial. Losing mk. (with the samadhi fire it was having a power she couldn't control ig but that was short-lived:( so) not being strong enough maybe???
Pigsy angst - losing his kid. Losing his shop. Being a lazy good for nothing. Being Zhu Bajie
Tang angst - being useless. Being left behind. Being seen as useless by his friends
Sandy angst - becoming violent/blackout rage. Causing harm
#gods i need to write that time travel.Zhu Bajie fic#you ever think about rhe reason why pigsy gets on tangs back a lot for being a freeloader is because he thinks thats the worst possible#thing to be?#hmhm#i gotta say i love how the reincarnated crews issues reflect their past lives it is so much fun#i miss jttw stuff#i dunno im just thinking#monkie kid#im so head empty rn#RAAAAA#just thinking about how to best angst these fools#ig macaque would just be dying he seems p scared of that#anyway yeah these are just notes for myself i wanna write stuff exploring some of this stuff#mei needs more ways to angst her where's the rest of her besides caring for mk and being raaaa fire!!!! friends!!!!!!!#raaaa#i dunno head empty fr good morning i am zzzzzz
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love it when a character that's hard to read intuitively for you has like a dedicated fandom interpreter who can just glance at their blank face in a panel and then give you a 3k word essay on their innermost thoughts & desires & fears and neatly tie it back into the themes & whatnot as if it's the most obvious thing in the world
#im talking about griffith btw#guts i feel i get intuitively - maybe because i have some personality traits in common with him#and we get more about his life concretely told to us in canon. so he is a bit easier to pin down as a character and feel attached to for me#but whenever i was reading the manga i just kept wanting more insight about griffith's actions and feelings#like ok yeah its fun to have mysterious antagonists and suspense /tension etc but its also fun to feel like you deeply understand them too#and i felt like that was a bit missing from him for me in canon#so reading about him in analysis and fics is the most fun for me rn#he always felt kinda half unreal to me- which maybe was the point of him - but i wanted a bit more about his childhood or something?#and wished we had more stuff explicitly from his pov in the story to read or explanation about his transformation or wtv#and now he's so much more closed off to me even than he was in the golden age. i keep waiting for him to explain stuff and he does not#ANYWAYS all this rambling to say some people out there are very good at interpreting him and making his like. insecurities#more obvious to me bc i didnt really get that side of him from canon intuitively well#also im really enjoying reading the first few berserk fics ive read#there may not be a ton of them out there but there is def writing talent in the fandom#i'll share some recs once i'm done sifting through most of what's out there to read#also (not to tie everything back to death note but it IS my home fandom after all)#i feel griffith is obvs the more light-like character here and L maybe a bit guts-like? but unlike berserk in death note#light is the one you get to know best and L is the mysterious / unreal one you don't get a lot of concrete insight into#and in the DN fandom I can read the more mysterious character intuitively but had to warm up to the less mysterious one instead#and the mystery of L makes sense to me and doesnt bug me as much due to like - he HAS to hide a lot about himself or else he will die lol#so some similarities there but also some opposite feels as well#berserk spoilers#p
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i saw a post saying boom was good bc it feels like it could be done with any doctor/companion duo and honestly that was one of the things i felt was wrong with it
#in a show with a title character that could be Literally Anyone and a companion sharing the lead that could be Literally Anyone#i value the little moments that set this duo apart from the rest. ESPECIALLY when it comes to returning writers like rtd/moff#fifteen and ruby felt a little too eleven/twelve and clara adjacent in boom. in both their dialogue and characterization#space babies also landed a little weird at first bc it lifted a bit from end of the world BUT the scenes that fifteen and ruby#had to themselves. like ruby getting covered in snot and fifteen laughing. or fifteen and ruby looking after the Space Babies#or fifteen going out of his way to save the monster bc that monster is the only one of its kind Just Like Him Fr#that stuff is so good and its also something we haven't seen from another nuwho doctor. the vulnerable bleeding-heart empathy#and a dynamic w a companion that is basically 'two troublemakers that just deeply love fun and adventure and getting into trouble together'#oh yeah and also the devil's chord was peak fiction because it touches on fifteen's renewed connection and love for humanity#and marries it to ruby being a musician and how music like any art is the expression of the human soul etc etc#WHAT MAKES A DOCTOR WHO STORY GOOD TO ME IS PARTLY HOW THE PREMISE TIES INTO THE DOCTOR AND COMPANION'S CHARACTERS#IT HAS TO FEEL LIKE IT WAS TAILOR MADE TO THEM. ELSE IT WONT LAND RIGHT TO ME#i hate the take that they should've saved wild blue yonder for a fifteen episode bc#the tension is hinged on how well the doctor/companion know each other. u have a level of it that u can ONLY get#with fourteen and donna who are two halves of a whole soul but have also spent much more time missing the other than knowing them#im not rewatching fifteen's eps rn until a week later when i can watch it w my qpp but#rn i still feel a stronger sense of fifteen and ruby's characters from all the rtd-written eps rather moffat#which like. i get that a lot of that is my personal dislike of moffat's writing style but still#dr who#15 era#dw spoilers
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yumeko..........................................................i gotta catch up on this manga
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#debu to love to ayamachi to!#genuinely really refreshing having a fat woman main character whos like in the middle of a attempted murder mystery story.#ignoring the horrors of her past <3 too busy being a cutie pie who everyone loves#i forgot the english name. my plus size misadventures in love i think? its been a minute#also realized i need to draw more fat characters. im fat myself but i only really know how to like#draw my own fat body type (no hips but a lot of upper stuff going on) without a direct reference orz#(obvs with a direct reference i can draw anyone LOL i miss life model drawing its fun!!) which is a silly roadblock to have#theres so many types of bodies out there. i still need to practice with yumeko here i keep making her cheeks and neck a BIT too small#i will keep at it yumeko. for you. i will capture ur bewitching beauty#but yeah. grabs internalized fatphobia by the throat and throws it out the window. I SHALL PRACTICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#if a bunch of my ocs randomly gain weight in the next few weeks u know why LOL
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I have an unending hatred for those microwave dinners like why are the bbq ones the only ones that taste like anything
"spaghetti and meatballs" oh you mean starch noodles with tomato water and flavorless pieces of meat?
#AND THEN I END UP EATING MICROWAVE CHICKEN TENDERS FOR THE MILLIONS TIME IN A ROW#I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO COOK. WHY DID THE ENTIRE KITCHEN HAVE TO NEED AN EMERGENCY REMODEL. WHY ARE WE SO OVERBOOKED THAT ITS NOT DONE YET.#IVE HAD NO KITCHEN SINCE APRIL FOOLS DAY. THATS 6 MONTHS. HALF A YEAR WITH NO KITCHEN. HALF A YEAR WITH FLAVORLESS MICROWAVE FOOD#LIKE YEAH ID PROBABLY STILL END UP EATING A LOT OF MICROWAVED STUFF CAUSE OF LIKE. DEPRESSION AND ALL THAT BUT I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE CHOICE!#AND WHEN I USED TO HAVE A KITCHEN I COULD ALSO ASK OME OF MY SISTERS TO COOK FOR ME BC ONE OF THEM ACTUALLY ENJOYS DOING THAT FOR PEOPLE#AND THE OTHER ONE IS JUST NICE TO ME WHEN SHE KNOWS IM TIRED. GOD I LOVE MY SISTERS. GOD I HATE HAVING NO KITCHEN.#AND I KNOW ITS NOT GONNA BE FIXED WITHIN THIS YEAR. AS MUCH AD MY DAD SAYS HES GONNA TRY TO I KNOW WE'RE GONNA KEEP BEING OVERBOOKED#AND EVEN WORSE! THE KITCHEN ISN'T THE ONLY ROOM MISSING! HALF THE HOUSE IS STORAGE RN FOR ALL THE STUFF THAT WAS KEPT IN THE KITCHEN!#PLUS THE ELECTRICAL IS BEING REDONE SO THERES LIKE MAYBE 3 WORKING OUTLETS IN THE WHOLE DAMN HOUSE. NONE OF WHICH ARE IN MY ROOM#hhhhhh anyways yeah sorry for the random rant i should probably put my ooc tag#ohio breaks the 4th wall#but ohio would probably also not like microwave dinners#rant
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I spent the last couple of days with my best friend that I've known for 13 years - he's always trated me like his little sister and to me he's basically my brother
I love him to bits
We went to an old castle together today and we were heckling the ghost in the 'haunted room' and he kept touching everything that had a No Touching sign on it asdfhjkljgdkl
When we're together there's only one braincell between us
It was kinda refreshing to take a break from the internet for the weekend tbh - but I'm happy to be back !
#his boyfriend recently moved to Sweden so I think he's been a bit down about missing him#we genuinely act like 12 year olds whenever we go anywhere together so it was fun to just. have fun - let all my worries go!#haven't laughed that hard in ages#he doesnt drive and Im not confident at driving so trying to meet up makes us rely on trains#so we dont see each other all that often#we've been on a lot of adventures lmao#and all of them usually end up in me crying with laughter at some point#he's the first one I told about being ace#and he made me feel so normal about it#but yeah anyway - thats where Ive been if anyone wondered why Ive been so absent#not that I think anyone would have noticed tbh lmaoooo#pie says stuff
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redownloaded an old art program
#specifically its tayasui memopad…#sketches was like borderline unusable last i redownloaded it#which was like.. oct last year#maybe its gotten better but i dont feel like bothering with it anymore haha#memopad i never used much aside from little scribble doodles (id make a scribble and try to turn it into something)#but its changed a lot since i last used it.. which was like four years ago so i cant be too surprised i guess XD#its still pretty jank but in a more manageable way . i missed rhe sketches brushes theyre very lovely#sorry for all the rambling haha#ive been feeling really shitty lately and have barely been able to draw it feels like#a lot of what i have made ive had to really.. force myself to get out. and i havent been as satisfied with it as id like to br#this is kind of janky still but i like it and i had fun making it#everytime i draw these two its exactly the same cuz i have to remind myself what their designs even were everytime >_<‘’#hopefully i do some more stuff today. its already getting late but im feeling a little better#getting back into the swing of things or whatever#i thought someone on af was ghosting me or whatever but turns out they were just . busy. ( <- figures i need to stop assuming haha) and#they also made this amazing revenge im absolutely in love with its so cute#really made my day =)#scribbles#furry tag#good god i write way too much in these#sorry#anyways#queueing this to post again (its the 14th as im writing this) i feel like that worked alright for me last time#im kinda making this post impulsively i am. constantly going back nd forth on whether i even like posting my art nowadays#oh well#yeah queue i wanna know#mother series#<- i forgot to tag that . for blog organization mostly these r just#nothing burger npcs barely anyone cares abt (nintens sisters lol)
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🧸♡ ⋆｡˚
#it actually does make such a huge difference omg im like ... feels like i got thrown into the floor lost my breath#having someone i like so much to talk to abt things#and share stuff and details abt not only my days but their days too#and talking abt like books that we read or shows/movies we saw and etc etc#sending pics. sending voice messages. all of that#that was so amazing wth???#it sounds like such a mundane thing but it changed my enire baseline. it wasnt a littel thing to me#i didnt share as much as i wanted to because it takes me longer to settle into smth like this#or any kind of connection/correspondence/bond/rapport#im slow bc im so scared of ppl. scared of trusting. scared of opening up. rejection rejection all of that#yeah.. takes me a lot longer than the average person to settle into smth like this#avpd is its own special hell...#i miss it a lot and i wish there hadnt been all the other circumstances so i could've actually relaxed into it#and come out of my shell completely. which i was almost there. now that mental block is gone but it's too late....#i take too long... it is impossible to be patient with me. i really hate everything abt my brain#my desire overtook my fear and it was quicker than it ever has but not enough.. :(#i miss it sm and it made me feel so so much lust for life..#but it's gone now and i can really feel the loss of it#i wouldve done anything i could to save it. or nurture it. or whatever. but it was a sacred treasure to /me/.#it doesnt matter if i try to put out the flames in a burning house if the house is gone and there are actually only the flames left#and since to me it is so special. and like. the fact that this even happened is crazy to me stuff like this feelings and connection never#happen to me. it's like.. special to talk to someone u like & have an established rapport with on a regular basis#and tell them stuff and rant abt like a book or whatever. ask them details abt their life bc u know them and enjoy knowing them#i cant just transfer all of this to someone else. i dont feel like yapping abt the book im reading into the void or someone i barely know#i just dont know... i need that sm and it was so amazing w someone i like sm. & it makes me sad i takes me too long to get fully comfortable#bc of this time were it was the most intense and long lasting for me but also im in love lmao. but other times too...#i take too long and why would someone wanna wait like actually a year (which is how long it often takes me to pass a certain barrier)#im not special. im nothing that great. it is easy to find someone else who is x1000 better than me and wont take an eternity to warm up#i just feel so sad bc i try so hard and then all of my effort just goes down the drain and then i have to do it again if i meet someone#then they'll leave me behind too and get tired of me and not like what they see and then im back at square 1 again
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Lan Zhan every single time he gets the chance:
Lan Zhan when Jiang Yanli has to die:
//Error 404: character not found// Therefore, the events:
#dont tell me that he’s faraway and stuff and couldnt reach wei ying#bro. lan zhan literally flies miles just to block the attacks for wei ying#also sorry if you think im making fun of yanli’s death#because im not#im calling out to the directors because yanli’s death was poorly done#instead of just dashing straight to yanli jc and wwx literally had the time to shout at each other first#and lan zhan was there#they angled the camera to him while showing that yanli was in danger#i mean i know yanli’s not his responsibility#but#we’ve seen how protective he was of wei ying already so it’s weird that he missed that one#wei ying was everyone’s target so lan zhan shudve kept an eye on him A LOT MORE#so yeah#for the plot#lan zhan wasnt there.#the untamed#cql#wei wuxian#wei ying#lan wangji#lan zhan#jiang yanli
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I think the frustrating thing about Spotify recommendations is sometimes it really does introduce me to lots of cool Indie Bands that I really vibe with and allow me to try some new stuff and sometimes it keeps telling me that I need to Listen to Mother Mother (I have not listened to Mother Mother ever and at this point I never will because it is a pride thing.)
Or a random unfunny tiktok joke song from 3 years ago/ a viral YouTube song from over a decade ago.
#simon says#will probably delete this later#but yeah my recommendations are all mother mother and my spotify weekly is a mix between sweet ass new bands and unfunny bad joke songs#my spotify weekly has Cherry Bomb by the Runaways which is a good recommendation and then the Creative Song from don't hug me im scared#which is a bad recommendation to be clear#i know I have a couple of odd songs from things like shows or cartoon bumpers in my playlist (i got whats new scooby doo on there)#but that doesn't mean that I need to be recommended fuckin Death By Glamour??#like there's no videogame soundtracks in my playlist why the fuck is that there#If I wanna listen to Undertale music I would just listen to the vinyls I own!!#anyways this is just a vent against spotify#my weekly seems to have a LOT more indie stuff so imma check it out real fast#i want to discover more music because I do eventually want to just swap to mp3s and an mp3 player instead of spotify#that is one thing I like about Spotify the most is that it helps me find more bands that I like#but I could probably find stuff via looking up youtube playlists as well#so it's not worth paying for anymore#I asked for an mp3 player for Christmas so hopefully I get one and I can just start using that instead#i miss my mp3 these last 7 years without it have sucked I miss my designated music device#anyways dont have to worry about going ad free if you just have the digital files on your computer and put them directly in a player#😎👍
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i see all of you have a lot of opinions tonight about many niche things. however i spent most of the day outside and i am too tired now to moderate all your opinions and inform you which ones are right. so you'll have to retire them all for now, to be brought before my throne another night
#this is a joke#however the being outside part is true#i spent all day out and about trying to recover from the agony of my horrible morning#i think i get my camera tomorrow and if i dont im killing everyone and everything#i need to pack... i leave for grandma's funeral in like uhhh 3 days and im not emotionally or also logistically prepared#and i need to consider what cute outfits i will wear to visit ms-crow-prince#haha cute outfits#i will probably bring my standard jock/running casual + lots of jewelry fare#but anyways yeah ummm learnt some family stuff from y aunt and idk gotta prepare my brain to be around my mom for a few days#she is trying to get me last-minute to play piano for the funeral and i already said no to singing#bro leave me alone i just want to sit with my family while we mourn grandma i dont want to be a part of all the rest of it#and had to have some serious conversations today and that was emotionally a lot#and idk. it was just a BAD DAY!!!!#disappointment of missing pakidge BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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