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fipindustries · 8 months

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got obsessed last night thinking about that "would you go back to being 5 if you had the chance"

the more i thought of it the more issues started piling up.

first of all i wouldnt be able to keep it a secret for long. the sheer shock of meeting my family young again, including dead relatives, would be too strong. also i dont think i could convincingly pretend to act as a five year old. so i would have to tell the truth to my parents.

would they believe me? well i would be able to prove that i have completly unreasonable knowledge for a 5 year old, advanced math, literature, computation, physics, plus knowing english fluently. worst case scenario i can predict 9/11 and eventually they would just kind of have no option but to believe me.

would i be able to get them to buy early stock on shit like google, amazon, youtube, facebook, etc? i dunno, we were a struggling family in argentina back then, i dont think they would have the channels available to do that. also our country was about to be hit by one of its worst economic crises ever so that would also suck a whole lot.

the problem that comes with this is if they tell other people, if the secret comes out id be genuenly terrified id be kidnapped by some agency of some sort and they would try to squeeze me for all my knowledge of the future. same reason i dont think i could contact anyone online about this, there are many people online i would like to have their feed back on my situation but i would worry that a mail or a call or a private message would get intercepted by some NSA like agency (did they even exist in the 90's??? who knows) and is back to the kidnapping. im not internet savvy enough to know of any way to securely send messages online, less of all how to do that in 98.

the other problem is that i would be aware of so many tragedies in my family that i would feel the need to do something about. like how do i break it to my parents that they will get divorced eventually? i know of a distant aunt that will die eventually but i dont remember the exact year so how can i prevent that? do i tell those other relatives that their first attempt at having a child is going to end on a spontanous abortion??? i know of a relative who ended up molesting another relative but it would feel weird to accuse them when they havent done anything yet and it would be a terrible blow to the family and there is a chance they wouldnt believe me. but also i wouldnt be able to hang out with that relative knowing what they will do and it would be massively awkward. and also, how can i look at the relative that got molested on the face if im not going to stop what theyre going to go through? i would be forced to interact with some many people in my family i dont talk to anymore.

do i tell my dad that he will get fired from his job? do i tell my mom what career she is eventually going to pursue? how would she feel about that? would she even go to that career? would i be controlling her life telling her what she is supposed to do?

if i try to re establish friendships with my friends early on the power imbalance would be ridiculous. i already know everything about them. it would be a different friendship if i am the one who pursues it deliberatly and tries to cultivate it on purpose rather than letting it bloom organically. also if i meet them too early on they might be entirely different people, and maybe due to my interference they never grow up to be the people i am familiar with. do i tell that evangelical christian friend that they will eventually become an atheist? do i tell that other "boy" that they will eventually become a girl? do i let that guy know they are gay? holy shit i know of so many of my relatives and friends of my mom that were still on the closet back then.

and on that topic. fuck me, would i have to essentially boy mode for huge portions of my life until i finally start to get some independence. this is the late 90's early 2000's in argentina we are speaking about. i dont think i would get my parents to respect the gender of their 5 year old kid. that would fucking suck balls. shit i probably wouldnt be able to watch porn any more! or masturbate! or be in a serious relationship for at least ten years and even then, again power differentials, i would be so much more mature and adult than any prospective partner with my body's age.

also going to school would be hell, i could probably know how to avoid being bullied this second time around but still i dont think i could avoid being ostracized because i am not going to change who i am just so a bunch of snot nosed little kids dont make fun of me. so that would also suck.

i wouldnt be able to see nothing new on tv, jesus christ. it would all just be shows and episodes i saw before. same in movies. i could probably catch up on some movies from the past i didnt get around to seeing yet. and would probably get to see a bunch of my favourite movies on theatres that i hadnt had the chance to see. but over all it would mean no new media for 25 years. no new games, movies, books, comics, tv shows etc.

also, of course there would be divergences, massive divergences. in fact the more time passes the more things will inevitable change due to my interference and at some point i would be living an entirely new life with no memories to be guided by and that would be terrifying on a whole new level because there would be a chance i end up in a worse place i was at the first time around. i was thinking that i could at least live happy and secure knowing that i was not going to die because i know nothing killed me the first time around but what if actually the first time around i had a bunch of brushes with death i wasnt aware of like a potential car crash or whatever that this time around i do end up in?

there are just far too many downsides honestly to be worth it

#writing

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not-available-for-comment · 1 year

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Do you want to share what kind of things you had in mind are less uncomfortable than people are lead to believe? Im intrigued by your tags but I cant tell if you mean that being read as female is less uncomfortable or doing things is discouraged and marketed as uncomfortable to people treated like women or…?

Oh, sure! I mean, hmmm I feel like my answer is cancellable but hey let’s go for it I don’t have enough other things going on in my life (lie).

So, my growing up is extremely difficult to explain both accurately and briefly, but for the purposes of this discussion let’s put it this way: I grew up very sheltered but that very sheltered environment was sometimes in the context of a broader unsafe environment. Very sheltering family living in an unsafe neighborhood, for example.

This meant that by the time I was in my late teens/early 20s I was in a very weird relationship with caution and breaking the rules. On the one hand, I had the normal young adult desire to experience things outside of my previous realm of knowledge and break away from my parents. On the other hand, I had seen and experienced just enough actual danger and hardship in life to be very very cautious of any actual break with the extremely conservative way I’d been brought up. And I was living at home during college to save money.

So. Almost 20 years ago:

- I am 20

- I am a true love waits conservative Christian celibate virgin complete with promise ring

- I have never dated

- I am vaguely afraid of alcohol for various reasons

- I am vaguely afraid of non-Christians for various reasons

- I am confused by and very awkwardly “hate the sin love the sinner” towards gays (I am not aware of the rest of the lgbtqia spectrum yet)

- I am not exactly afraid of going out at night, but I am afraid of doing so outside the suburbs and without a car

Then

I go to Europe. By myself. (Not entirely literally—it was a program set up by my school. But I didn’t know anyone I went with aside from one girl, and her only as a distant acquaintance.)

I start traveling with new friends (non-Christians!) who don’t live in my town. This means I frequently end up taking the midnight train home, which arrives after the busses have stopped running.

I have to walk through the town at midnight, in the dark.

Everything I��ve heard about being a girl means this is “asking for it”. Unsafe, undefended, unaccompanied. I spend most of my trips quietly praying my mom doesn’t somehow become psychically aware of what I’m doing.

And?

Nothing happens.

I don’t say this to demean or downplay the people who have been assaulted in those circumstances. We know, statistically, those assaults are rare, but they are still real and traumatic.

But for me? Seeing that when I placed myself in a situation I had been assured was teeming with muggers and rapists, and surviving with nothing weirder than a drunk crab-walking home from the bar to show for it? Was a revelation.

Watching French women make out with their boyfriends in the street was a revelation.

Watching my friends moderate the amount they drank and behaving responsibly, with, at worst, a hangover to show for it the next day was a revelation.

Learning that I could just leave when people got drunker than I was comfortable with was a revelation.

Making friends with a bisexual girl who managed to be very patient with my clumsy attempts at proselytizing in spite of being young herself was formative. Making friends with a straight ally who refused to let me trot out the usual “compassionate conservative” talking points when I talked about queer issues was formative.

This has strayed a little from your question

But perhaps not as much as you think. My experience—which granted did involve deploying skills I already knew, like situational awareness and caution with nosy strangers—convinced me that the constant litany of “ways to keep safe” do as much to harm women as the actual dangers of being a woman. The first midnight walk across town was terrifying. The fifth was maybe not as relaxed as I would’ve been in the daytime, but significantly calmer.

I changed the way I walked when I was in Europe. I’ve always been a fast walker, but I developed an easy, confident, purposeful lope that I still love while I was walking home at night or exploring with my friends. Is that walk part of being a woman? I know some people who know me would say no, but to me it is. It’s one of the things I won with my freedom to be an independent person. How comfortable is that?

I often see a subset of women online—young women, yes, but many middle aged women also—who have extremely clear ideas about what is “acceptable” if you’re a woman. How much makeup you can or can’t wear. Where you can go. How confident you can be. How you cut your hair. What sort of places you’ll go to alone. And so often. So, so often. I look at these supposed “rules” that “society” has “agreed on” for womanhood. And I think, “You need to talk to your mother 30% less” or “Dump his ass” or “You need less boring friends”.

Women: You can wear less makeup. You can wear MORE makeup. Maybe someone will be weird about it. Probably not everyone will. Most people should not care. If most people DO care, hang out with different people. It’s your face. Be yourself. “Society” gives less of a shit about any specific thing than you think, though I am not naive enough to claim you can’t aggregate enough difference to draw extra attention.

Doing the thing is uncomfortable the first time or two because you’re nervous. But it is catastrophic far less often than women are led to believe. I think in rhetoric and in our own minds that initial discomfort gets conflated with actual danger and transgression to a deeply unhealthy degree. I’m not arguing that people make unsafe decisions in highly conservative areas. I am saying that a surprising amount of living comfortably involves pretending you have a right to be somewhere and doing something until you and the people around you believe it. This may involve initial discomfort. In some circumstances that discomfort may escalate to a point you decide it’s not worth it to do the thing or do it in the same way. But if you keep doing the thing and are as kind as you know how to be? A surprising amount of things are possible.

And I wanted to address more than cis women because I think many categories of people are affected. I can’t speak much to the closeted transmasc experience (being perceived as a woman and receiving the same conditioning but for an identity you may not identify with). But I will say, it breaks my heart to see the way trans women encounter the same flurry of rhetoric about appearance and behavior that cis women do, only to an even greater degree.

In some ways (I really hope I’m not overstepping here) but in some ways the bullshit terf rhetoric of being “always able to tell” is better evidence that trans women are women than anything else. Which of us cis women have not been hearing since we were very young that we failed at being a woman in some way? Too skinny, too fat, too loud, too shy, too smart, too dumb, too horny, too frigid. How many of us have wretched memories of a sleepover or birthday party or lunch period where someone tried to pull the womanhood out from under us entirely, purely for social clout?

And yet. And yet! I love being a woman. It’s not better than being another gender, but it’s where I’ve always lived and I like it here. And I want more women, cis, trans, and everything in between, to love it too. Whether that means wearing frilly Lolita fashion or steel toed work boots. Whether that means working at the garage or working closing shift at the library. Whether that means having kids or not. Whether that means getting married or not. Whether that means having tits or not. Whether that means having a cock or not, and whether or not the cock is detachable. I want women to be allowed to be human. Humans who sometimes dare to do dangerous things, not because being reckless is necessary to being a woman but because being alive is a little bit dangerous sometimes. And I want trans women to know that extends to them as well. Not as an expectation that can be failed, but as an invitation to get here in the muck with the rest of us. It’s frustrating being a woman sometimes, but it’s also the goddamn best.

I’ve taken a lot of risks over the years. Some have paid off, some have led to heartbreak, but all have taught me new things. But nearly 20 years after I first screwed up the courage to walk home alone at midnight, I still believe that the actual doing is almost always less uncomfortable than the terrible version of it that lives in your head.

No idea if this is a coherent response to your question but it is at least heartfelt.

#long post #the unbearable gender of being #women and fear

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apilgrimpassingby · 1 year

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hello! i just wanted to say i am so pleased to find your blog😊your views on masculinity are so very refreshing, and i wish there were more blogs like you here.

so i wanted to ask you something!! sorry it’s a bit of a long-winded explanation, i am prone to overexplaining😭

i am sort of unofficially dating this guy—we still have to talk about it, but we do like each other a lot and are just taking it step by step. he’s very artistic, enjoys literature, he’s deep and introspective, and he’s very emotionally intelligent. one thing he has always talked about is how he loves examples of masculine men in fiction that aren’t necessarily athletic, like himself. he is gentle and kind, while still being protective and nurturing, and he takes good care of himself—but sometimes people will call him feminine or girly for his interests, or for actually taking care of his body/having a fashion sense (im pretty sure it is also because he learned to take care of himself this way a lot earlier than other guys in his class, so they were all just kinda like🤨)

i was wondering if you have any suggestions on how i can uplift him and help him feel secure in his masculinity. obviously it is not up to me to make him feel masculine, that’s not what i mean—i was just wondering if there is anything i can do, or avoid doing, to remind him that i don’t think of him as weak or what-have-you, since sometimes i know guys can start to feel that way if they aren’t necessarily athletic or if they don’t enjoy sports, because that is sort of the masculine stereotype—and i would imagine that society definitely makes you feel less masculine if you don’t fit into that.

it’s alright if there isn’t really anything to be said since this might be a bit of a weird question, but it’s something i think about a lot so i decided to just go ahead and ask. i would just hate to add to any of his anxieties or unintentionally cause him to question his masculinity, if that makes sense? i would like to support him in any way i can, whether subtly or directly.

thank you for taking the time to read this if you did, and no pressure to answer it, especially since i sort of just sprung this in your ask box. just know that your blog is appreciated and i am glad that you are here and sharing your thoughts. i hope you are well :)

Here are my attempts to help.

Point to historical/literary examples. Yes, I believe there is an essential "masculine function" that has been more-or-less constant across recorded history and human culture; but the Left is right to say that the form of it has historically been tremendously diverse. Taking care of appearance? The Spartans didn't just braid and oil their hair, their did so in public before their enemies as a show of masculine prowess. Literature? My ideal man, King David, wrote poetry (which the Bible has recorded for us). If you want more examples, message me and I'll happily provide them.

In terms of taking care of his body, it's a part of the relationship - you presumably want him to look good. Do you do it for your woman's happiness? That makes it a chivalrous - and, thus, manly - action.

More generally, step away from modern masculinity and towards historical exemplars. My chosen ones are David (as already said) and the chivalric code of high and late medieval Europe. Many people also look to the men of The Lord of the Rings who are, of course, rooted in the characters of early medieval English and Scandinavian literature.

As for not liking sport, that ties into the above points - a good masculinity is applicable to all men. It's about protecting your wife and children, providing for them, and leading them by word and example. That's what (in my humble opinion) real manliness is. For me, as a Christian (don't know if you're one) the essential masculinity passages are the example of David (1 Samuel 16 to 2 Samuel 23) and Ephesians 5:25-30. Nothing about doing sport or eating steak.

Hope this helps! And don't worry about bothering me, I always like receiving asks in my inbox.

#traditionalism #traditional masculinity #flood my inbox #answered asks

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hertwood · 7 months

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dts s5 e6-8

e6: -having flashbacks of having to defend oscar to my mom for this why does the show try to lean into otmar's perspective so heavily GROSS -nah im full tinhatting i do not remember this whole bit where everyone hypes up oscar in interview before he has his lil chat with mark netflix u slimey lil bitches -oh if i was here when this news broke summer break 2022. i would've been inconsolable. i'm sure it was nuts, ballistic. maybe it was good i wasnt there. idk if i could've handled it akldkfjadslkfjasdkfj -lando saying "i already am (leading the team)" was not that rude it was just the TRUTH sorry -daniel speaking italian is so important actually -"ive been in this sport for 25 years i know what im doing" king that only makes the fumble THAT much more embarrassing COME ON -otmar talking abt how well oscar took all the shit we offered aren't we owed a contract? reminds me of timeshare schemes like actually just u paid for xyz if you dont have a contract in place he doesnt owe u anything maybe do contracts better next time :) -unfortunately zak brown is right!! its a pr disaster is the 5 million worth it!!! and they didnt even get the 5 mil!!! how do lose ur job speedrun masterclass here!! -i do wonder how much netflix inflated daniel's chances for the alpine seat, bc from what i've heard it wasnt really in the conversation. idk i wasnt there but it would make sense for netflix to lean heavily into this narrative -did not realize liam was sitting Right There when pierre was askin abt the gossip aldfjaslkfjaksjdf -the way how in season 1 its like NO DANIEL DON"T LEAVE RED BULL i feel the same way abt pierre going to alpine. like ofc it made perfect sense at the time and you cant fault him for it but like no babygirl its bouta implode PLEASE -rip all the tiktok edits that were muted in the umg purge that paired "good luck to oscar" with "if a man talks shit then i owe him nothing." thank u taylor couldn't have said it better myself -"do you regret anything that's happened?" "um. no :)" U TELL EM BABY

e7: -i'm sorry but geri seemingly getting boiling water from a tap to make tea is so fucking insane rich person cursed -was originally gonna include this funny shot of christian standing looking out a balcony like sharpay evans in high school musical in my s5 gifset but due to recent events i will not :) -i just think. that including this whole bit abt how much checo loves his family in the same episode as the monaco gp where he allegedly cheated on his wife was a CHOICE. interesting. -lewis's monaco 2022 outfit is one of his best outfits ever. its so iconic 2 me -HI ALEX -so many cinematic parallels to discuss. s1 max putting it in the wall in practice and ruining his race to prove he was faster than daniel. known parallels to brocedes ALLEGEDLY trying to sabotage eachother by crashing in that corner in monaco. hmm hmm hmm. much to think -im sorry the sainz collision is just so goofy. i remember watching the replay of this quali and being bamboozled. befuddled. deeply amused. what a stupid fucking sport -'for fucks sa-........okay this is typical monaco isnt it" MAX GETS IT -i honestly dont mind wet monaco races just bc by nature of the track its on average slower therefore less dangerous. i'll take a wet monaco over a wet spa any damn day -ferrari's double pit fuck up is PEAK embarassing ferrari strats. like to do a bad strat is one thing but to just mess up the strat ur trying to do. peak biblically cursed charles leclerc moment

e8: -god i wish i got more into yukierre. i see the appeal. unfortunately they just dont give me brain worms -many thoughts. um i think focusing on yuki's temper is just. unfair. like sure he should work on it but thats an issue with many young drivers its not a unique failure on his part -i have given thoughts on japan '22 before i'm not rly gonna rehash but i really wish the didn't gloss over it on dts. i think it was an important moment in the sport to have a big conversation abt rain safety. -oh this nyck supercut is gonna be painful knowing where it goes :/ -god remember when ppl thought nyck was gonna lead the team? leave yuki in the dust? even /i/ had him above yuki in my preseason predictions isnt that insane? -"im happy, i'll take that, that you'll miss me at least 2 or 3 minutes" god forgot the most romcom ass shit since sebchals we'll start by holding hands -nando n lance having this crazy crash and now a year later they're fucking on the reg. happy 4 them

#i'm ahead of schedule now on purpose so i dont have to worry abt it when pst starts!#i will likely finish 2moro WOO #she speaks #dtsrewatch

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frostyreturns · 11 months

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Frosty Ruins "Bottoms"

Are you ready for this movie review? Get ready because it starts rough and never stops getting rougher. This is a review I was dreading because it seems to have marketed itself as a cringe fag fest and the first 10 seconds of the movie didn't disappoint, I already hate it and I already have so many complaints. The movie opens on two women discussing "getting puss." You don't know these characters, you know nothing about them not their personalities, their interests their values, not even their names…but you do know about their sex lives. Not only have they prioritized their sex lives over every single other aspect of who they are, making this a degenerate starting point…but it's disorienting from a story standpoint. Why do I care about this character…what do I call this character…give me some setting, some backdrop…anything. Porn starts with more story and less focus on sex than this.

I can tell already this is going to be a constant violater of the classic "show don't tell" advice because the dialogue is atrocious. Lines like "Im in a little suit like the lesbian I am" make you reject the idea that these are even people talking…all I can see is script writers, cameramen, and a director, it does the opposite of making me forget I'm watching a movie…it makes me painfully aware of it and I don't buy it as a genuine human interaction. This is dialogue that can only be the work of a broken illiterate persons imagination or an algorithmic writing program. It's like someone asked chatgpt to write superbad but gay and without any humour or reason. Tell me this doesn't sound like a robot attempting humour... "I bet you could eat food, digest it, let it marinate and poop it out." I'm not making that up or being hyperbolic that is word for word actual dialogue from this awful fucking piece of shit horrorfest of a movie.

Although I will give them credit for one interaction where they acknowledge that some or even all of the bullying and hate they get doesn't come from being gay but from being "ugly and untalented" and show an example of a popular gay dude being widely accepted. But yeah a premise of the movie is that the people are hard to look at on purpose. Finally some acknowledgment that physical appearance plays a much greater role in bullying and acceptance than any minority or special interest status ever did.

One final point in this movies favour is presenting a completely accurate depiction of how cringe and gameless most lesbians are. The moment a woman tries to pickup other women they grow a fedora and a neckbeard and start spilling spaghetti out of their pockets. It's a reluctant point because it also makes the movie incredibly hard to watch for a whole new reason.

I have to talk about the black characters rant early on in the movie, I call her that because again I have no idea who anyone is or what to call them because who they are has taken a massive backseat to who they want to fuck. She goes on this explosive insane rant and there are so many things wrong with it I don't even know where to begin. It comes out of nowhere for one, it makes no sense, she talks about hanging up her vagina…but then her idea of hanging it up is having sex with someone else…I only know it's a guy because I was able to rewind 3 times and listen back to what she was saying. She introduces a character in the dumbest way imagineable. Imagine the first time you get introduced to a character is in a mumbly lightning fast rant about their sex life. If you slow it down and piece it together you learn she's introducing a religious character who is a friend of hers and a closeted homo. See I thought homosexuality was supposed to be two people of the same sex hooking up but she seems to think that because she can't get women and he's closetted it means they would of course be a good default couple.

The rant is also grossly blasphemous and not even just to Christians. I can't explain how bad this is you just have to hear it. "Because he's gay and fearless he's probably going to fuck me without protection, I'm gonna get pregnant, we'll have to join a church and he'll probably be the gay pastor." What the fuck is she talking about, why would a gay man be fucking her…how is she so certain he would fuck her without protection and why is she saying it like she would have no say in the matter? Why would her getting pregnant mean they would have to join a church…why would he then be the pastor of the church? You already established he was gay so why do you have to specify he'd be a gay pastor? None of this makes any sense, every sentence deviates further fom rationality than the last and every line brings with it new unanswered questions. Then it ends with her screaming "the deacons fucking the evangelist" over and over and crying. My headache has a headache. Gay people have to pray people do not watch this movie because "homophobia" will skyrocket if they do.

The movie also has some of the most unbelievable and wooden dialogue I've ever heard in my life. Nobody in the history of planet earth has ever spoken or behaved the way the people in this movie do. It's almost like to make up for the fact that it's a comedy with no jokes or humour at all they try to just exaggerate every interaction and then do it very big with overacting and overreacting. For example a football player is insisting he did nothing wrong by groping an older woman in front of his girlfriend….already a ridiculous caricature of straight men, then he tries to stop her from leaving in her friends car where they gently bump into him with the car and he explodes into hysterics like he's been gievously injured…and the entire football teams comes running to help and fawn over him like he's a gunshot victim. As I write this I figured out what this movie is and why every moment of it feels so cringe and wrong…every interaction is like a fake tumblr story, from the start it had "the whole bus clapped" vibes. Like when the principle summons the main characters to his office by getting on the intercom and announcing to the whole school "can the ugly untalented gays please come to my office." You know the saying it's funny because it's true…it goes the other way…this is not funny because it has no truth in it whatsoever. Every second of this movie is false, every line, every action, every shot…just rings of untruth and fabrication. This movie is the comedy equivalent of a real doll. It has all the same parts all the limbs are where they belong…but they are not real…there's a hollow soullessness to it, a feeling of plastic wrongness.

I said before it's like someone prompted chat gpt but it gets worse and more likely AI written the more you watch. It's like they said to combine superbad and fightclub but make it sound like it was written by tumblr and one of the criteria was that it had to be lesbians and it had to be pure unfiltered cancer.

By the way as of this point in the review I've only watched 9 minutes of this horrific piece of dogshit. This is going to be without a doubt the worst movie I've ever watched every sentence of it pisses me off. Every moment is a new thing to piss you off, this is a weapons grade bad movie…like it was made in a lab to cause frustration and braincunting. Just when you're relieved they stopped arguing over which one of them is faggot #1 and which one is faggot #2 the one asks the other if she "perioded herself." Then there is a completely unexplained "joke" where one of the students claims her vagina is owned by the government and as the viewer you're left with again so many questions…why was that supposed to be a joke? what does it mean? And please can I have at least a ten second break from incoherence and cringe?

Then in another "that happened" moment the football guy from earlier comes into class…in his full gear…because to whoever made this movie it's just a costume and football players are not people outside of playing football. He then smashes a glass and threatens her with it by mimicking dragging the glass across his throat…and the teachers response is "hey man you couldn't make that analogy with your fist?" And again so many things wrong all at once. Why is the teacher not punishing him for smashing school property and then threatening another student? Why does a teacher not understand the difference between an analogy and a gesture? Again these little details are part of why I'm starting to seriously believe my this shit is all being written by algorithms theory. It's like nobody even bothered to edit the script. It's full of lines that make no sense, jokes that have no setup or no punchline…just the cadence of a joke.

If I go in depth into everything wrong with this movie I'll literally…not figuratively have to examine every single line, because at least for the start of this movie there is not one line that is not absolutely mind numbingly retarded and frustrating. And every line has multiple things wrong with it. Listen to some of this shit…

"How come you can't buck up and learn to protect yourselves without running somebody over."

"You can beat the shit out of each other while you perform the vagina monologues,just stay in your lane until you're munching beaver at weslyan."

By the way those two lines are how the concept of them starting a fight club comes up, it's so abrupt, so out of nowhere and so retardly nonsensical…it doesn't follow at all. The entire premise of the movie hinges on a throwaway line that makes no sense. The only reason they bumped into a guy with their car was he was threatening them and preventing them from leaving because they were offering a ride to his ex girlfriend. They took this to mean we as gay people need to learn self defense…already a leap in logic because nobody was attacking them and certainly not because they were gay. Then they accept their principles notion that they shouldn't use anything to defend themselves with, a retarded idea that nobody even bothered to attempt to explain or defend…and they just accept that they can't or shouldn't use whatever means they have available to defend themselves and instead have to learn hand to hand combat…another stretch. And then decide that the best way to do this is to start a fight club with other gays where they all just beat each other up. And they do this because the principle suggested it for no reason while insulting them. And by the way I'm explaining this all way better and more clearly than the movie does, the movie is just a string of incoherent sentences that form some idea of a patchwork of a plot I'm just trying to make sense of the nonsense. This plot is not the work of an intelligence at all…nevermind a low intelligence.

I really can't finish this movie,this is normally the amount of rage and content I have after a full 2 hour movie but im only at 14 minutes here. It's not even that the writing is so atrocious, the timing, the delivery…the acting is just the worst I've ever seen. I've sat through some horrifically bad movies over the years for these reviews I've sat through countless movies and shows that I grade as F-and yet never once did I say ok I can't watch this anymore…I've always finished it. I've watched woke black sitcoms, Rian Johnson movies, femsploitation reboots and yet this is the first time I've ever had to say no I can't finish this it's too awful. This movie is without a single doubt in my mind the worse movie ever made. It has ruined my grading curve because I need a grade so much lower than an F- and it just doesn't exist. Is Z- minus a thing? If in theory that is 20 grades lower than a fail that's what I give this movie. May God have mercy on us all.

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temikoangie · 2 years

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Tenko being a buddhist and keeping true to these beliefs even when it's not the logical thing is what makes Tenko my fave so while I understand why people w some types of religious trauma would dislike that part and interpret the master as a bad influence, as someone whose religious trauma was getting my religion demonized, seen as toxic and dismissed, it works for me as much better to interpret him as well meaning. I actually think I've seen way more people portraying him as toxic than anything

i wanna quickly preface this right now tht I Am Not a Buddhist Nor do i practice Buddhism so if i ever get something wrong here Please do correct me im entirely open to crticism on that part. ( i realize now i didn't end up going indepth to your religion as i expected but i am Very much open to feedback if desired)

personally if people Do interpret master as a toxic influence Solely because of the religion that he himself raised tenko in, i think theyre!! very horribly wrong ! there is nothing wrong with that at all, tenko's beliefs really do align very similarly. however my main ick with the master that tends to get overlooked is How he essentially treated the whole ''hating men'' thing.

Tenko, canonically told us themselves, that they use their neo-aikido abilities to go out every day & night, to help bring justice. Whether it's helping an elder cross the street, tracking down a thief or even sexual predators on the train !

the 4th dialogue especially concerns me, seeing there wasn't any limit on what situations tenko is essentially sent in to diffuse. and it seems like they've been doing this since they were young! ( at least young enough that it would've seem like they've been doing this for... practically their whole life) Who knows what kind of things tenko was exposed to !! and in the next FTE we pretty much get a confirmation as to why tenko hated men, and it was because their own master reinforced the idea that men shouldn't ever be touched, lest your abilities gets drained out. I get that the master is trying to shape up tenko's moral compass (hence stuff like ''No getting excited about the holidays, dont eat 3 more sweets per day, dont touch men etc etc)

(thisis also the same fte where tenko ''finds out'' that their master is a man and completely freaks out )

i get what the master is trying to do here but like... that's definitely not something you should say to your Very Impressionable Child who's already seen things they probably shouldn't have to experience at their age. there are definitely less.. traumatizing ways of doing this.

Did the master intend to do this maliciously? or did he meant it well and didn't realize the profound effect it would have on his Essentially Foster child ? who freaking knows. the game never really gives us any better hints for either side, but regardless of intention, it's still not a very smart thing to do to this traumatized person with emotional dysregulation .

now going back to the buddhism ppl who insinuate that master is a bad influence on tenko Solely because his religion is stupid and kind of weird! like idk how explain it to you but i don't like the attempts of demonization of other religions that isnt your typical Evangelical Christianity type thing. ppl who think that Is the Reason to interpret master as toxic is ! wrong ! and Should reevaluate why they see master as toxic ! and i am here Personally to tell you that Maybe master shouldve idk. taught him to redirect his energy to something else entirely ! that doesn't involve giving him a freaking savior/caretaker complex! people shouldnt use this as a chance to demonize buddhism!!!

#norse dialogue #all in all master could be interpreted as a malicious or well-meaning presence and we Honestly have no idea which is which #it does irk me that ppl see him as a good guy but it cn be interpreted either way #is master probably the guy to give your children to when they experience emotional dysregulation? probably not #is master wrong for raising tenko with the same religion he himself is raised in? definitely not #Anyways . Hope this is comphrensible part 2. open 2 Discussion as Always #actually im kind of surprised that u see more ppl making master a bad influence more than i do #bc i see people treating tenko like he's gullible for ... being traumatized?#and regard master as a positive influence Or just simply a presence #. i Hope This Looks fine btw like. rereading it now a couple times i realize the weird Tone i Probably set off #IM NOT GONNA ADD MORE TAGS THAN NEEDED BUT LIKE!! I Hope its a decent read regardless i just wanted to point out the One issue i have w Him

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automatismoateo · 5 months

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My atheist dying grandfather with a failing mind was mentally abused by my christian aunt into being saved at the end of his life and Im so so so angry. Is this mental abuse on her part? via /r/atheism

My atheist dying grandfather with a failing mind was mentally abused by my christian aunt into being ‘saved’ at the end of his life and I’m so so so angry. Is this mental abuse on her part? I 32F live in the Bible Belt USA. My family is mostly passive, non-extreme Christian (united methodist), with only a few extreme believers. 3 of us (my grandfather, now deceased, my uncle, and myself) are atheist. My aunt (mid-60s) is the biggest Christian believer of all and constantly talks about her god and Jesus. She is also a nurse. My grandpa was a lifelong atheist, and we really bonded over being two of the three nonbelievers in the family. He was put on hospice last year, and during that time my aunt was his home care nurse. He died late last year after being under her care for a few weeks (just info here - I do not suspect foul play at all. She took good physical care of him and he died naturally.) 1 hour ago, I learned she used this time with him for her own goals of getting him to believe in god, and succeeded. Today, we had his celebration of life. Very small, very casual. Family only, non-religious. Everyone who spoke (except my aunt) talked about personal memories and his incredible influence and love within our family. No god talk, because we all know that isn’t what he would want nor had anything to do with him. Then my aunt started speaking. She explained how last year, during his last week of life, she encouraged him to pray with her. Talked to him about god and jesus. His mind was dying. He wasn’t himself. So much so that he agreed to be “saved”by her, and they had a ceremony without our knowledge. She also gleefully explained how he became so saved that he started seeing Gabriel the Angel standing next to her on his deathbed. She is so glad he died a Christian and can’t wait to see him in heaven now. I am fucking LIVID! This woman took advantage of her dying father’s failing mind, while she was supposed to be caring for him, and manipulated himinto something he never believed in when he was fully-minded and healthy. She then proceeded to usurp the celebration of life with a speech about god and Heaven and my grandfathers “salvation”, rather than following his wishes for a secular funeral. I am done with her. Forever. I was already low contact bc I’m bi and she was homophobic to me in the past. But fuck her even more now. I genuinely think she mentally abused him at his most vulnerable Moment, and then made his funeral about her abuse. I don’t know what to do. I can’t vent to my family or accuse her of this bc they are also mild believers, and probably can’t perceive this abuse in the same way I do. If I said anything at all, I would ruin the weekend and make it harder for all of us as we grieve together, and I would be the asshol. Just venting here. Not sure what I need from myFellow atheists . Maybe just assurance that my perception that this is abuse is accurate? And I overreacting? Have you experienced this in your family? I dunno, any comments are welcome. This happened less than an hour ago so I’m still pretty raw about it. And I have to spend the whole evening with her now. I’m so pissed at her. Submitted April 27, 2024 at 10:36PM by WonderfulPermit1408 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/TSR7VUk)

#reddit

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the-smiling-grinner · 7 months

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hey uh dont read this 👍 TW vent

okay so basically everything has gone to shit. lets get a lil back story here

so ill be 17 soon (terrifying) and it will be almost 4 years sober of everything and i could not be more miserable. when i was 12 i abused perscription medication during the 2020 lockdown and in the process got into other things (cigs and alchol).

i dont really think that anyone understands how deep it goes. i mean think about it, a 12 yearold already suffering from halucinations, delusions and other things. on two kinds of anti psychotics, drinking, smoking and taking way to many pills. its pretty messed up.

my parents had never been the best but a brain tumour caused my mother to become abusive. i dont remember much of 2020-2021 bc i was either high, drunk, in a psychotic episode or sometimes all three. but i remember some things and the things i do remember are bad. it got so bad that i barely knew what was going on half the time.

safe to say my appearence was less than ideal. i wore a covid face mask constantly. even when you stopped having to at school. and i still wear it. simply bc i know people will make fun of me for it more than they already do if i take it off. as much as i want to stop wearing it, i know i cant.

my hair was dyed black and greasy, my achne was bad and my teeth were messed up. i was over weight, then under weight, then over weight again. i was hidious. evey photo taken of me, i looked through the camera. i had nothing left behind my eyes. i was so close to giving up entirely.

my mother had her brain tumour removed and my life was starting to take shape again. thats when she came in. she was beautiful in every way. i hated her but i loved her all the same. she caused me so much pain but it felt great.

it seemed like a good idea at the time. to date her. but i soon deacovered that she was not like she seemed. in many ways ill not describe. she ripped me appart, absolutly gutted me from the inside. i developed FND (look it up i cant be bothered explaining). my life was starting to go down hill again. i felt sick constantly. my halucinations were terrible and my mental state was even worse. i had sezures and headaches every day.

then we broke up. it was drawn out and long but to leave it all behind was freeing. i felt free for the first time in months. then she back stabbed me. i wont say what happend but this is the reason i can not trust people. my paranoia is through the roof. i constantly think about how everyone is conspiring against me and that they arent really my friends.

anyway. enough about her.

i am lonely and i fear that i will always feel this way. i have friends and a boyfriend yes but they also have friends. my halucinations icolate me. i behave agressively and erratically. nothing as bad as 2021 and 2020 but still bad.

i dont know what to do so i throw myself into school. its all i really do anymore. that and pretend i have friends. i sit at the kitchen bench and speak to no one. i have many friends there. i can act how i want and they like it. i have no one to talk to about this.

i try to talk to God but i feel bad burdening him with it like i am with everyone else. i dont feel good enough for God or any one for that matter.

im nothing like the pretty Christian girls on tiktok who look so pure and sweet. the look so kind. true women of God. i am not. i try to be but it never works out. i look scruffy, my hair is always messed up, i wear weird clothes, im rude, i cuss way too much and im just not a very nice person to be around.

i want to be tho. more than anything i want to be kind. i want to be good enough. and it doesnt even seem like im trying.

i really want cigs and alchaol. to medicate like i did all those years ago but i cant. sinning every day with small things is bad enough but those are worse.

i do my best in school and thats enough. it makes me feel like enough. im good at school. im good at it. im not good at many things but im good in school. i got dux in two subjects last year and finished top 10% of my grade. thats enough right?

every day i feel my sanity slowly slipping away. being replaced by paranoia and horrible halcinatoins. i tell myself that ill never get as bad as i was back then but deep down, i want it. bc this time, people would see it. they would know how bad it is and how my jokes are just a cry for help.

i have been put on more medication as of recently and im scaired. i dont know what it will do to me. will it kill me? will it make me put on weight? who knows. ive already had bulimia i dont need it again.

on top of this, im loosing my best friend. i can see how much they suffer. i can see how bad it is for them. they have made heaps of new friends recently and i am so happy for them but we so rarely talk now. when we do, its great. we used to see eachother every weekend, now we dont. i ask first to hang out and i feel bad, like im forcing them. i dont want to force them.

there was more i could have done for them that night. if it wasnt for those drugs. those fucking drugs. the dugs that i took to take me away from everything. to make me happy. but i wasnt happy. i was insane. i was deranged. surely anyone who looked at me could see it. that night i ripped out 4 teeth. one of them was an adult tooth. a mf adult tooth. i tore out a tooth. i was 13 by then.

i have to make my parents happy and when i dont i feel bad. i want to make my dad happy and go to his house but i hate that house. i want to make my mum happy but it always ends in an argument. i want to make my friends happy but i cant and if they can find friends to make them happy. then thats okay.

i just dont know anymore. everything is so blury. the paranoia is imence. i hate it. anyway. hope no one actually reads this.

there is SO much more but this is all for now

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raincamp · 1 year

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08 05 2023

shall i talk about the dreaded intake appointment from thursday? the one i spent weeks avoiding? the one that's been the catalyst for my intense feelings of grief and rage for the past month?

uneventful, absolutely nothing happened, there was no fucking justifiable reason why i was so adamantly against it, why i made myself go through so much pain just to avoid doing it. my paranoia got the best of me again

the dude's fine and has made no effort to piss me off so far. he graciously took the third-chair in my treatment team, and refers to my primary therapist as if she's the one he's reporting to— because he is— and i really appreciate his recognition of the hierarchy here.

he said something like "i totally understand that you dont want to be here and you're just here to tick a box so you can get back to work with [primary therapist]," after i expressed my disinterest in his treatment plans. like. thank you for acknowledging the fact that i dont want to work with you, at all, and am here against my will.

he does IFS which I didn't know beforehand, i've actually always wanted to try IFS but prioritized DBT because i know that it works for me already. so im excited to try that? surprisingly? or at least just learn more about it. im a therapy nerd what can i say? i could talk about it for hours. i have talked about it for hours before, i have spent entire sessions talking meta about therapy.

idk why but i was kind of paranoid he would try to replace my PT but he hasnt made any effort to do so. i was able to talk about her, and mention superficially how my relationship with her has been a trigger for my cough dependence cough and like, it was kind of weird talking to a therapist about my sessions with another therapist? but he was totally chill with it, didn't say anything like "maybe you two aren't a good fit" (we are though) like the people at the hospital did. it was refreshing to say the least

hes very Christian though, went to my dad's rival Catholic highschool, has mentioned me doing 12 step, im a bit hesitant to trust for these reasons. he mentioned how he thinks addiction is a lack of spiritual completion or whatever, i think thats total absolute bullshit and i'm gonna tell him that the next session that i don't spend 76% of the time dissociating while he talks

hes a lot more personable than im used to, he started the intake by spending 8 minutes self-disclosing information about himself, which was such a weird experience to me. he told me he has a family and children and a wife, i have literally never had a therapist tell me about their home life before unless it was in context of my treatment.

another thing thats annoying me is lack of admistrative coordination. i was supposed to get emailed an ROI for my PT yesterday (still haven't) and a signed excuse note so that i can actually go to my session with my PT next week, and if I don't get those im fucked. like. i'm actually going to be so mad if his lack of organization prevents me from being able to see her. i am going to stab him.

he also has a lot less boundaries than im used to which i feel like might be a recipe for disaster considering the fact that im borderline. he mentioned in detail how he doesn't like the power imbalance between therapists and clients and how he thinks it should be more like we're on equal ground. he described this visually with his fingers interlacing. and like, i get it, but also, i need that seperation there. i need therapists to recognise that i cannot keep myself from becoming attached, and create that distance between us, and keep those little boundaries stable and reinforced so that i don't get triggered or somehow fuck up the relationship with my symptoms. yk?

like we can have a close therapeutic relationship without making it so that we're on equal ground or enmeshed with each other as per interlacing-finger-visual-description.

the lack of boundaries just worries me. like he just gave me his phone number and was like "text me if you need me" like do you realize that if there ever comes a time that my PT has abandoned me and i need help, you have now opened yourself up to me spam texting and/or splitting on you over the phone? i already abuse my phone coaching privileges and annoy the fuck out of my PT, if there weren't by-the-book boundaries in place with DBT our therapeutic relationship would have gone to shit by now. he also kept me 15 minutes over time even though he had another client after me? if i were that client I would've split on him and left. its giving unprofessionalism.

im definitely going to have to make him set clear boundaries with me, for saving my own dignity.

i dont hate him rn tho i think thats the most important thing

- andrew

#actually bpd #bpd #im not mentally stable #actually mentally ill #borderline #bpd stuff #borderline personality disorder #bpd struggles #mental illness #tumblr diary

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thorraborinn · 3 years

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Hello! I am raised atheist, and i feel like i could never believe in the gods/magic and non-science stuff. But i want to. I really really want to. Do you think it's okay/a good idea to try? Or should i leave it alone lest i lose my worldview? I feel like im at the edge of a cliff and i can choose to go back to the comfortable, or jump into the pit and maybe break my neck. Or maybe find that i land softly and comfortably. Tldr im really confused as to whether i should try to embrace the gods as i want to or just stay in a world where things can be explained.

This disrupts the flow of my answer a bit but I’m gonna give you the most actionable bit first: don’t worry about belief, your first step is starting to work on acquiring “cultural literacy.” That is, keep working on learning about and understanding all the Norse pagany stuff, read the eddas and sagas if that appeals to you, and start to learn how to make decisions and judgments according to the values embedded in them, with or without agreeing with them. Approach both pre-Christian heathenry and modern heathenry (neither of which is really one Thing so to speak anyway) as having their own internal value whether or not you are part of it, just like approaching any culture other than your own. The belief or disbelief is less important than this, you can do it no matter how you fall there, and this is worthwhile if this is one of your interests no matter what. Okay, on with the serious part.

[edit] Oh! And probably the most important thing! If you aren’t already, you shouldn’t feel afraid to interact with heathens and the broader heathen community in general, other than just me, and other than anonymously. As you’ll surely gather from the rest of this post, we’re totally cool with and inviting to people in your position. Like I mention below, there are already heathen atheists (who are quite different from the “Western hegemonic atheists” that I talk shit about), and they’re actually not too hard to find, so maybe running into someone like that would be helpful for you.

This is a very interesting question. I feel a little bit out of my depth on this one, to be honest. I’ll do what I can for you, but I’m not sure whether it will be satisfying. On one hand, going to a self-described animist and polytheist to ask this question feels a bit like you’ve already come down on one side of this, because I don’t think you’d expect me to say “no, don’t do it” (though to be fair, on the other hand, who could you ask such that it would be neutral in this regard?).

I can’t make this decision for you, and frankly and perhaps counterintuitively, I don’t encourage you to make this decision either. The way this question is framed, you seem to be operating under an atheist’s (or a Christian’s, for that matter) conception of what religion and belief are and how we relate to them. Generally, we heathens don’t tell people what to believe. In fact, some of the few beliefs that we do hold in common are that diversity of beliefs is itself good and important, and that personal autonomy of belief is too important to impose beliefs on others. We have hard polytheists, soft polytheists, pantheists, agnostics, atheists, and people who are combinations of these, all participating in the same movement, performing and communicating through our shared culture and symbolic manners of expression, all free to wonder and question and believe as best applies to them. Yes, there are heathen atheists, who practice heathenry not because they believe there are literal beings on the receiving end of veneration but because they think practicing it is good, for whatever reason.

That’s how I started, by the way. I was raised a fundamentalist Christian and when that collapsed I didn’t believe in much of anything. I believed in less than most atheists do. I didn’t believe in myself or in other people. Everything was just subatomic particles and waves, or fields, or whatever, interacting according to the laws of physics, and even our distinct personalities were just illusions, worthless byproducts of the mathematical metabolism of the universe. But then, allowing ourselves to impose that illusion of individuality and personality is of course necessary and beneficial (not to mention a precondition for contemplating that it is an illusion) -- so what about recognizing individuality and personality in things other than humans? If “you” and “I” are just bracketed parts of the grand physical equation and we ascribe personhood to those even while knowing that it’s not really true, then is that really any different from doing the same for the sun and the waves and the wind? Or for war and love and justice? If you’re like me and you need to plug your brain into a philosophical adapter like this one to start engaging in heathenry, I find you stop noticing it after a while.

If you want to embrace the gods then you don’t have to do it because you believe in them, you can do it because you want to. Sometimes what you perceive as an obstacle based in disbelief is actually more of an obstacle of feeling weird about performing belief. When I became heathen I felt uncomfortable speaking out loud to the gods, and because of that discomfort it was important for me to do it. But I also needed to be able to not do it. What I reasoned with myself was that most of the gods probably needed me to speak out loud, even if only at a whisper, in order to hear me. But that Heimdallr, who can hear the grass grow, could hear the firing of neurons in my brain that corresponded to me thinking out language, that would allow silent communication. There are always ways to make it work.

Man, I wish I’d had Eduardo Kohn back then. Kohn’s book How Forests Think is one of the many recent works of anthropology that deal with animism in a way that is basically compatible with scientific rationalism, and in my opinion his is one of the better ones. He basically derives animism from modern Western scientific rationalism, and does so in a way that’s actually uncommonly understandable even to people who aren’t used to reading anthropology. It’s actually not entirely different from the thoughts that brought me out of existential crisis as described in the last paragraph, but much more developed and full of practical examples and descriptions of why this matters.

But, returning to the accusation I leveled at you (perhaps unfairly, given the little that I know about you from the handful of words constituting your ask) in the opening of this reply, of having an atheists or Christian’s response to the idea of belief. Heathenizing (if you will) is not the exchange of one all-encompassing worldview for another, less scientifically accurate one. It’s probably too internally diverse to be able to give a description of what it is, but it isn’t that. Yet, it does require at least some unsettling of the idea that Western scientific naturalism is as universalist or as objective as it purports to be or that it’s entirely individuated from its roots in Protestantism, and question why atheism manages to continually “reinscribe” the assumptions of Christian philosophy even while denying them. This lecture is long, but I highly recommend it -- it even describes the history behind the misinterpretation of other ways of relating to the world, even some political dimensions to it. Strip the audio from it if you have to, the visuals aren’t important, or at least look into Mary-Jane Rubenstein’s written works. Skip to around minute 23 for a bit of a discussion of the interrelatedness of (Western hegemonic) atheism and Western hegemonic ideas about religion, in comparison to something totally different (here, “pantheism”, which isn’t a word I usually use for myself, but the pantheistic pluralism described later in the video isn’t an inaccurate description of me). What Rubenstein describes as the seduction of pantheism or whatever it is, I can’t help but see an affinity between her description and what you seem to possibly be going through.

So returning to what I said here: “Heathenizing ... is not the exchange of one all-encompassing worldview for another.” Maybe part of what it is, is the abandonment of the entire idea of the single all-encompassing worldview, and opting to stay with the undulating, never-finished, dialogue of co-creation. Of course, there’s nothing distinctly “Norse pagan” or “Germanic pagan” or whatever about that, but what gives us that is that we create our identities and perspectives in relation with the people who came before us in Scandinavia and other places where Germanic languages were vernacular, and the gods and spirits that they venerated, but that is an extremely permeable boundary.

I might be pushing you too hard at this point. If all this is confusing, that’s fine. In my opinion, it’s better to get comfortable with confusion than to resolve that confusion.

If I’ve stirred up some thoughts and you want to look into some of what I’m talking about here further, try some of these which have been very important for me:

Nordic Animism Channel (link to good example video)

Ana Mariella Bacigalupo, Thunder Shaman: Making History with Mapuche Spirits in Chile and Patagonia

Gloria Anzaldúa, especially Light in the Dark/Luz en lo Oscuro: Rewriting Identity, Spirituality, Reality edited by AnaLouise Keating)

Graham Harvey

Donna Haraway (link to “A Cyborg Manifesto” but see also Staying with the Trouble: Making Kin in the Chthulucene)

Elizabeth A. Povinelli, Geontologies: A Requiem to Late Liberalism

Finally, one last bit of something practical. Surely as a scientifically-minded person, a little experimentation will appeal to you. You can try stuff out while suspending belief just like the scientific method requires objectivity. It’s okay and good to try things out, see how they make you feel, and proceed after reflecting on the evidence.

Please don’t hesitate to send a follow-up ask.

#anon #ask #long post

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gopeachllama · 3 years

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My hopes for the VA tv show

So i got into vampire academy when i was in like grade 8/9 i think? So i would have been in my early teens. It's a book series that is very near-perfect to me, and it is very dear to my heart bc it's been with me for so long. That being said, i will be the first one to admit that there is a serious lack of diverse representation. Like i said before, i got into it almost ten years ago, and back then, even as a poc growing up as a minority, i was aware of this however it wasn't much of an issue for me mainly becuase it wasn't a issue for the people (the non-pocs) around me. Now that va is being developed into a tv series, i think this would be the perfect opportunity to change some things up to include more diverse characters. I've seen that there's already qutie a few people on here dicussing the sexualities of the characters, and they're really great. But this conversation is about race-bending. For anyone that wants to contribute to this post, i'm all up for kind and careful dicussions, it's not my intention to offend anyone, and i'm not trashing the series or it's creator.

Also the points about diversity and race in particular shouldn't be dimissed just because it's a fantasy/paranormal genre. Yes it is a fantasy/paranormal series but it is set in the real modern world, where issues like race and prejudice are relavent! You can't just ignore it. Also im sure that a lot of va stan are like me, in that they got into it at a very young age and now are older and also find these issue important to them, whether they are a poc or not.

Just a warning there will be a lot of spoilers (also random spiderman homecoming spoilers) in this post, so for anyone that hasn't read the books proceed with caution.

So firstly, i want to talk about the characters that won't be changed. Dimitri will obviously be russian. I like the idea that the royal families originating from european countries, so alot of the royals in this series lissa, adrian, victor etc. i think should stay white. It reflects a lot of the real world issues about how the people in 'higher class' western societies are mainly white. this is more personal but i have this weird headcannon that christian is like half-southeast asian (i say south-east asian bc i am also, and i would love more representation of my race (s/o to any of my sri lankan book stans if y'all even exist on here!!)) In the later books there is a focus on the prejudice regarding his relationship with lissa. this is due to the fact that his family is shun from the other royal bc of his parents willingly turning. It was a good plot point, but there was somthing about taking the real world prejudice of interracial relationship and using here between two white characters and framing it as something else that just rubs me off the wrong way (again, i never had these feelings as i was reading it for the first time, it was only until i got older that issues like race a representations became more important to me). This way, they can keep still keep the bit about christian's parents and race-bending christian would have any affect on the overall story. Rose (my baby) she could be made fully persian but if they stick with her being biracial, then i hope when it comes to casting that they find someone that has more persian physical features rather than someone with more eurocentric features.

Now for the main characters I think should be race-bent are eddie, jill and sydeny should be black. For eddie, i first thought that mason should be race-bent but then this would be a major problem in the second book because of the harmful sterotype about black people always being the first (major character) to die (i am STILL taumatised over mason's death and its going to destroy me all over again when i see it with my own two eyes).

Sydney, as far as i know, there's nothing in the books that make is pivitol for her to be white. And while is important to be diverse with race, it's important to be diverse with black characters in itself. Sydney has always been such an interesting character to me. she's analytical and methodical, she's book smart, and she's almost the complete opposite of rose, but doesn't make her any less a compelling character. So much in books, movies and tv shows, black females characters are mainly potrayed as strong, hardass, take-no-prisoners (sometimes even hyper-sexualised) type personalities. So rarely do we see them as with characteristic like sydeny's, so i think it would be really great to show this. Also her relationship with adrian has a lot of the same points with i said about christian's relationship with lissa regarding prejudice.

With Jill, i noticed that in the books, Mead sort of goes out for her way to describe her physical appearance, so that when later it is revealed that she is lissa's half sister, the readers are able to think "oh yeah of course they look really similar" and so it doesn't seem like a telenovella style outrageous plot twist. But for this i want to quickly talk about how in spiderman homecoming, peter's love interest who is black, is revealed to be the daughter of the villan who is white. For me, it was amazing reveal and something i was not expecting at all, but at the same time, its wasn't hard for me to believe because of course birracial people exist. I think it would be really cool to do the same thing here with Jill. It a great way to subvert people's expectations and wouldn't make the plot twist any less unreasonable. Aslo from what i can remember there are no black vampires?? for some reason? that was always kinda weird to me. Also with the three of these character's being black, they can still maintain the storyline of them passing off as siblings when they're in hiding, that is if they ever adapt the bloodlines storyline too.

Whether or not these characters, or any of the characters, will be race-bent, it won't change my experince with the book series. Like I said at the start, vampire academy will always be THAT series for me. The world-building is simple and easy to follow but the plot and characters are so compelling. But this upcoming tv adaptions would be a good oppotuny to address the very few things i (and a lot of other diverse readers) have with it.

#va #vampire academy #richelle mead #julie plec #rose hathaway #dimitri belikov #lissa dragomir #christian ozera #sydney sage #adrian ivashkov #jill mastrano #eddie catile #romitri #sydrian

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butch-bakugo · 3 years

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Hot take: the idea of giving an afab person/woman a pregnancy test before treatment unless they are actively dieing/in need of immediate medical assistance isnt as mysognistic as yall make it sound and theres real medical reasons for it.

Note: i am 100% pro-choice.

Heres a list on why;

1. Depending on injury or needed treatment, a unknown pregnancy may change how that person gose about the healing process. Especially if they want to keep said baby.

2. Being pregnant litterally changes your biology to the point where whole ass medications wont work. The hospital dosent want to put you on useless meds.

3. If they dont know your pregnant and proceed with invasive surgeries that kill the fetus, it can have severe health repercussions on YOU. Just one thing it can give you is sepsis and it can litterally kill you by its self.

4. If you are actively dieing, they do it during treatment.

5. It is incredibly rare that they up and refuse all forms of treatment prior to the pregnancy test results. Medical staff arent going to let you lie on the floor and bleed to death for 15 minutes waiting for the pregnancy test results. If they did than thats less of a mysogny issue and more of a malpractice issue.

6. Unless you are at a severely christian hospital, most doctors will ask prior to the results, if you turn up postive, would you like them to prioritise the child's life, your life or both. If you tell them they might as well perform an abortion, then they will if legal.

7. Like stated earilier, pregnancy changes your biology and can complicate pre-existing conditions in a injury/illness environment. One example is that pregnancy raises blood pressure and if you already have heart disease or diabetes, that rise needs to be accounted for in an emergency setting.

8. Just because you prioritise your health over your fetus's health( seince im noticing 9 out of 10 women/afabs who complain about the pregnancy test prior to care do value their health over the fetus's while zero have actually been doctors themselves. Theres nothing wrong with that, i get it.) dosent mean that every woman/afab person dose. Its their choice who they value more in that situation and their needs and wants should be considered too.

In the end, theres litterally so many reasons someone might want to know they are pregnant prior to medicene and treatment, even if they are in intense pain and even if they wont keep the fetus. A accidental death of fetus can litterally kill you by itself, not to mention the complications it can cause in emergency medical settings and with pre-existing health complications.

Disclaiming, i am not a doctor in any fashion but what ive stated is not incorrect medical information. Its quite easy to find sources for these things.

Im just tired of " my treatment was delayed due to some stupid pointless pregnancy test and thats mysogny" arguement when thats not common, when its standard health procedures and its not mysogny. They litterally just dont want you to die from sepsis and they litterally dont know if you'd want to keep the fetus should you actually be pregnant.

They arent putting baby first, they litterally just dont want you die and want to give you a choice.

#levi speaks #yes there is times where mysogny is ever present in the medical field #ive experienced it and im in no way denying it #i just think this take is medically and socially ignorant #like yeah np you value ur care over potenial fetuses care but not all people due and they shoulsnt suffer at your expence #espcially when your not suffering #its ridiculous #anyway its standard practice so you dont die #think critically

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springfieldblues · 4 years

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my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t

warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would

id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO

but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)

first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.

the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.

anyway on to lisanardo da vinky its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.

i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)

oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:

"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"

SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.

this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)

alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway

it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop

we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.

"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"

some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known

so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.

"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."

leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)

so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.

"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."

that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)

and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?

(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)

so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things. also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.

anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes) then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.

(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)

in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:

barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?” skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.” barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”

skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!

(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)

nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!

so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:

“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”

which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide

and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1

toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.

and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.

i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink

toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!

next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.

this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:

“What about our student loans?” “Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”

(god if only)

so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.

“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.” “France?” “No, he hates France.”

apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.

“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”

and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)

we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.

here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:

King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:

and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:

not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!

the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it

the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one

the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.

moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!” mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!” bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”

OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him

el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh

lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad

anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.

“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”

so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:

“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”

this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on

frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.

and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok

interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking

diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON

frida paints her feelings.

this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.

“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”

its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:

rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh

“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…” “That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”

“B-b-but he’s a communist!” “Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”

rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.

now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:

"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."

so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.

diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:

this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.

right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc

the end

ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE

#if you read all of this bless you #the imageless gdocs version of this is 8 pages long #hope you...enjoy?!?! these art history fun facts?!?!#dont let me do something like this again but also let me know if i should do something like this again #i was really only motivated to do this because im already passionate about the subject so idk if i could do it otherwise #anyway. this took me all day yesterday because the power kept going out #but im finally done #bye

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tobacconist · 3 years

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ill put it here since its hard to have a proper discussion through replies

@solomonjones

God’s will is mysterious, and we as humans cannot know it. i dont pretend to, but i can aspire to atleast attempt to understand it. regardless of your religion; either you believe: God ordains all events throughout history as part of his greater unknowable plan, and that it is He who causes the rise and fall of nations, peoples, ideologies, etc or, you believe: when good things happen to you God is blessing you but when good things happen to your enemies it is satan who blesses them. if that is the case, you do not worship the One True God. you worship an imposter deity who presumes to call itself “θεός”, or “Бог” or “ الله ”; who is caught in deep rivalry with all the other pretenders to the throne of God Almighty.

this is what the story of the old testament is fundamentally about. even though the israelites were God’s chosen people, they were continually overtaken and oppressed by pagans. as it is written, the LORD hardened the pharaohs heart. in my opinion, it is impossible to understand the wider context of the bible (old and new testament) without understanding it in relation to pagan history and mythology (and in relation to the modern world) they didnt include, say, the odyssy in the holy canon of course because the pagan peoples being converted already knew these stories intimately. they did include the scriptures of the jews however (even though they were in many ways just as spiritually flawed as the pagans) because people were less familiar with them and the scriptures of the jews are very important to understanding the significance of the life of Jesus Christ (as he fulfilled prophecies of both the pagans and the jews)

when i say i have deep respect for the orthodox churches, please understand that i am being completely earnest. but i see it for what it is, an imperial religion of temporal power, like any other. this is going to sound quite harsh, and im writing this from an antagonistic perpective because, i presume, as someone who is quite devout; you do not need to be convinced of the deep need for religion in the world (now more than ever) that said... throughout history, kings and theologians have torn the Body of Christ, the church herself, into pieces. like DOGS they have torn the body of christ to pieces! like some horribly blasphemous tug of war. catholics pulling the head and protestants pulling the legs. baptists pulling out the intestines, the orthodox snarling and territorially guarding the heart, and the gnostics scooping up the spilled brains. and yet they are all convinced they know best, that they are the ones with grace, that they are the only true pure and correct church. this is what i mean about spiritual pride, and everyone knows it. especially when their actions and morals are in so many ways clearly at odds with what Christ actually taught. the only reason atheism exists is because of centuries of corrupt religious leaders; you can blame no one else for this godless world.

you claim the tsar held grace by his ceremonial anointment; but God hears the cry of the oppressed. thousands dead for your cause seems very reasonable compared to thousands dead for your enemies cause. but God gave people a rational mind, and although we are all misguided, he gave us wisdom enough to (eventually) see through deceit - whos author is the devil. it took centuries, but he taught us the ignorance of idolatry. the foolishness of worshipping kings. many more centuries it took until we abolished slavery. when the LORD let loose his hand and upturned the entire order of civilisation; throwing the chess pieces everywhere. fortuna’s wheel made such a global revolution; scarcely ever seen before. the nobility of the world, once so proud, learned through the bitterest chastisement the desserts of one who believes he can do no wrong. i cannot question the judgement of the LORD, but i do wish history had been different. less bloodshed, less mess; but God knows best.

on the topic of miracles, you can believe whatever you like, my friend. jesus said blessed are those who believe what they cannot see; but in my opinion you are as naive as one who believes hindu swamis can manifest gold rings out of thin air. all religions are guilty of this chicanery, but the spell only holds as long as people still want to believe. God gave us the power of reason, and His essence is truth. a great spiritual mystery; that (atleast for the past hundred years) Gods chosen people have been the atheists who knew him not! contemplate it! deny it if you want! there is great wisdom to be found there. not that they are blameless. the very opposite. i do not deny the horrors of communism which i assume you as an orthodox christian will know intimately well; but communist movements (and growing secularisation in general) cannot be thought surprising when one considers history. but has not the LORD advanced their science? has He not given them the power to perform many miraculous (and diabolic) deeds? babylon, rome, and america all play their part in His great plan. Blessed are the Naive, for they will not be punished as severely as those who should have known better. you can bring up some (rather weak) scientific validation of miraculous events to prove that God is on your side, but every single religion does this. and if you look at who is actually out there curing the blind, deaf and lame, who is it?

do you feel a deep spiritual calling in your heart which demands your soul to cleave unto the orthodox church? good. listen to it. that is God talking to you. that is God telling you what role you must play here in your lifetime. in some peoples hearts, that voice tells them to cleave to islam, or to buddhism, or to fucking wicca some people it tells them to ardently support nothing but science and secularism and to reject any fairytale from the past that they cannot prove. to some it tells them not to worry about any complicated theological or scientific shit that they would never understand anyway; and instead to simply follow what they know and try to be a good person by whatever ethical system they follow.

to some of us, it says we must always, always strive to be wise. that it is our sacred duty to solve every great paradox and to unveil every mystery that while the rest of the world argues in the dark, we must take our small spark of light and study deeply what we see within its radiance; and combine our little lights whenever we can. that we will be punished for our failings, as we will never be truly wise. no man can be omniscient. we will be punished for everything that we know, and for everything that we dont know, and that we must accept this. for being lukewarm and middling, for being passionate and taking a side. but we must do it anyway. that it is our duty. because ignorance is a condition which feels disgusting. that voice, it tells me that this is the task, the monumental task that all mankind undertook when we chose to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, when we had been warned not to; to become like gods. and God himself, the LORD almighty said to us: okay. but you will die. you will die thousands of times. thousands upon thousands, upon thousands of times. and each time, you will become just a little bit wiser until maybe, just maybe, you will become like i. my “only begotten son” who will reign with me in paradise when you finally realise what a profound responsibility it is to be God.

#pardon this is rather long and rambling #but this is my thoughts as best as i can convey them #fuck i spent like 3 hours writing this; i hope you actually read it lol #earnestly; i await your response

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