#im not even safe in my dreams | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

foolsocracy · 25 days

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I can't help but notice you haven't posted any angst in a while and I'm suspicious

whipped this one up just for u anon

#a guy can only post 3 happy artworks before the people get concerned.....#LMAOOO jokes jokes #heres a .. colored sketch?#anyway behold the recurring dream ive given pete where hes ummmmmmmmmmmm inside uncle bens ribcage #i think abt it all the time but ive never actually done anything w it so here we go #blood #gore #not actually i dont think but im straying on the safe side #i messed around w it enough where u cant even see any organs or anything (much)#bones #idk #skeleton #i feel like thats everything maybe #ask to tag #might make a nice finished piece w this who knows #anon #asks #thanks for the ask!#glad to know angst is still my brand #such is life as a noir blog #peter benjamin parker #spiderman noir #spider man noir #spider noir #my art #bOOM thats so many tags #double art night guys who cheered #this and the stupid ass music one LMAOO the range #made this in an hour and a half lets see what i think of it in the morning when i wake up lol

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luck-of-the-drawings · 1 month

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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

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z0mbiefrank · 19 days

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you GUYS i am officially enrolled in my degree i am so unbelievably happy!!!!! i have been fighting for my life to get here. i had to turn down all my uni offers when i was a teen (had to move out independantly bc of domestic violence and disability/health complications). i've always known exactly what i want to do with my life but everything got put on hold whilst i desperately tried to sort my shit out. BUT IM DOING IT NOW!!!!!

#u guys dont even know 😭#i dropped out of school when i was 14/15 #taught myself all my GCSEs at home #tried to go back to school 3 times but had to leave bc of my abuser finding me + disabilities/pain made my attendance scores impossible #taught myself my A levels and GOT INTO MY DREAM UNI #had to TURN DOWN the offer so i could move out alone somewhere safe on my own income where he could not find me #then had to take a few years to sort my shit out because hello what the FUCK was that first 20 years of my life #plus hey ive been AUTISTIC and adhd this whole time ontop of the cptsd and psychosis and whatever the FUCK else #but im here now :))#lets get a fUCKING DEGREE!!!!!!!!!!

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nikothebookdragon · 1 year

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fuck, bears in trees were right. i stayed for tea and you know what? it did do wonders for me. and my friends? they do keep me safe.

#its been a rough few weeks #but today my friend invited me over for tea bc she noticed i hadnt been to lectures in a while #and it was the best hour ive had in a while #i felt so safe and warm and loved with her #id forgotten what that felt like outside me dreams #and then when i got home another friend messaged me asking if i was okay bc she hadnt seen me in a few days #and though i said id just fallen behind a bit and didnt go into mental health details #she said to let her know if theres anything she could do #im so emotional rn #love is inevitable even when you dont believe youre deserving of it #listening to my BiT playlist and crying of everything at once #damn #musicposting #bears in trees #*outside my dreans

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nonbinarygamzee · 18 days

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fuck sorry making a hs post on the hs blog. have always been not very much of a classpect person in terms of like. giving a fuck about the construction and logistics of the classification as a system. but i Have always been really haunted by the more metanarratively intertwined side of its existence, the story archetypes functioning as the nonnegotiable shackle of the whole destiny mythology creation shit. and because i am me i get really really caught up on how these two pillars of existence of their concept get retranslated via fandom. troubles me a little bit how the fandom tends to shoot more towards that ontological classification system that exists to describe/prescribe their placement and traits rather than vice versa, as functionally putting them within those boxes. like blah blah videogamemechanics it Is both but i think its more one than the other! why is a story about narratives being living breathing antagonistic so flocked to by people afraid of considering that narrative as such. have a funny scene where my thoughts on it are accentuated by a gag that actively changes gamzees class in order to further drive home the whole entrapped in a tower shit. in my brainchild

#its clown town #i dont talk abt the brainchild project on here much due to the fact lifes to unstable to be making it or even really blocking it all out #i just do a lot of concept working and analytical web weaving #also tho i just didnt rly feel safe looking at it for a few months there. now im mad again #<- dreams abt just losing interest before i have to make it but kows my allegience to hs think has little to do with interest.#its spite. if u wondered.

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mrpsychokiller · 2 months

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me and my (also trans) brother have been coming up with plans for us both move to together to another (bigger, far away) city next year for college, since our parents really want us to go to college, and my mom seemed fine with the plan as long as we could get in to study. and god. i wish i could have someone to pray to because just thinking about it. both me and my brother escaping our stupid parents, this stupid town, living together and helping each other, us both already out to each other. i don't even know what college id go to or what i want to study or where the hell are we going i just want it to happen so, so bad. i have no idea how doable that is but i want to transition so so much. i want to step foot in our new apartment after we move and immediately get my first T shot. god i just want to change my life. i want to change it so much it makes me sick

#🧃#hi cant sleep again. ill need to be up in like 4 hours for a psychiatrist appointment so #i dont even care about college i dont even have anything i particularly want to study i dont even know if id manage living on my own #and of course i have no idea if this whole plan can work since so far we're just dreaming #but god. god god god it'd be everything i ever wanted #im holding into this like its the single thought keeping me afloat #me safe. my brother safe. away from our family. away from our town. taking care of each other. independent for once #i need it so much

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kaelthas-dickrider · 3 months

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yall im getting at least 200k inheritance

#i feel bad even posting about it but its just so wild #ok like one my RAPIST dad fucking DIED #i am SAFE for LIFE #I LITERALLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO FLEE TO THE HIGH HEAVENS ABOVE #two like this is a life changing amount of money AND I COULD GET MORE..........#i have given up on all of my dreams like i have accepted that as an adult your childhood dreams in some form have to die #but i have always dreamed of having a home of my own and i can have all my pets and plants ect ect #like it was a longterm “dream” like you dont think youre actually gonna get there #but its actually coming and i feel like im going up a rollercoaster like it physically makes me feel nauseous lmao #i feel like i cant even talk about it cus it sounds like a brag #its just all so wild idk how im supposed to feel #am i happy am i sad am i angry am i numb am i regretful am i remorseless #dunno man

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lvminisciel · 20 days

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🤗🤗

ive just spent the last 6hrs goin thru every piece of media from 'the phantom of the opera' and all i can say is

WHY IS IT LIKE THATTT

why's the ending like that??? be it the one from broadway theatre dated back in 1988, or the musical in 1986, the movie from 2004, even in the original novel by Leroux himself, none of them ends with a closure of the phantom's acceptance..

i hvnt watch the 1925 silent film version tho; but so far i think i like the og novel version best

personally i spite the 2004 version so much as in tht one, christine clearly stated tht she's afraid of the phantom (as uttered in the song 'Twisted Every Way') while it's never been told that way in the novel/broadway/other versions

on the og novel tho, despite christine still married raoul in the end, he still returned to bury the phantom during his passing, the last thing phantom had asked before they parted. she fulfilled her promise, and put the ring(?) he gave her to be buried w/ him.. truly the best ending of all version me thinks

overall i loved the parallels of night & daylight imagery. of heaven & hell, beast & beauty. also the part where she said 'he sings inside my mind'? imo it can be interpreted in many ways

#the whole media was a blast but i think the phantom deserves more closure #like what happened!! to those pain & suffering!! that years of longing & yearning human compassion!!#all that just to be resolved with one kiss???#then he bow down and cried?? weep even??#then what?? what about all his life works?? what his wishes and dreams of normal life??#do we not get that issue resolved; or at least the phantom goin thru acceptance or forgo the path of spite??#did the moment christine kissed him he jst accept the fact that. that myb love & compassion aren't meant for him??#DO YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE IT ENDED LIKE THAT???#THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT COMBACK HERE YA AUTHORRRRR #I WANNA KNOW WHAT'S INSIDE THE PHANTOM'S MIND AFTER THT FINAL SCENE RRRAAAAAAAHHHH #I NEED MOREEEEEEEEE #*sobs* malmal im sorry.. for thinking of putting u thru all ths...#.... yknow what imma jst alter the story in my fic #😈😈 dw malmal ur in safe hands #miè fic refs #miè rambles

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archirdarchernar · 1 month

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#vent #tw vent #i feel like im going to explode #i cant bring myself to do anything so all this energy is just gathering and building up and i feel like im seconds away from exploding #i want human connection so fucking bad but im so fucked up no one would want to compromise a relationship with me #immersed myself in fiction so much i keep dreaming of having relationships that ill never have because most other people just Dont Work That #Way #all my relationships feel so shallow now #ig thats my fault #for never presenting the real version of myself. showing others caricatures and exaggerations of my character so i can be more likeable #ill never feel safe enough around anyone to drop the act. and even if i do ill feel too guilty to stop #ive doomed myself theres no fixing me #theres no motivation to do anything anymore i can barely get myself to lift a finger #hey why didnt anyone tell me just sitting up would be so hard. why didnt anyone tell me just drawing a few strokes would take most of my #energy #if anyone ripped my heart out right now id thank them for putting me out of my misery #theres nothing here. might as well also become nothing #this feeling is awful id prefer being hurt instead #i cant make it go away #someone please just kill me #arc 3am logs

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magicstormfrostfire · 5 months

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#rain always makes me feel happy and calm and safe #thunderstorms even moreso.#i really wish it was raining right now.#antidepressants are supposed to make you not feel bad #instead im feeling everything and idk what to do with it #my therapist told me that I would start feeling more on them so im not surprised #but i just dream of good things. very good things.#and then wake up and reality is bad #I wish I didnt have to wake up #i miss the dreams i keep having of warm spaces and soft touches and homecooked food #the gentle monotony of being in a safe space with others #the warm pinks and browns and hardwood and swirling soups of sensory #the feeling of things ive never had #of people that have no faces but have loving embraces #the serenity of being with a lover that never has a shape but has everything i want #and then i wake up #and its all gone

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mothslimes · 1 month

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said it before i say it again. maybe it's less internalized misogyny and more "girls who look and act like this literally bullied me from kindergarten to 12th grade and beyond" so no i would rather not talk to girls who treat female beauty standards as the holy law

#mik talks #if you think criticizing female beauty standards and those who impose them on others = criticizing all women then you might be the sexist #like im so fucking tired of feminism being all about the poor stereotypically beautiful women wearing pink skirts who are soo forced into i #hey what about the girls on the playground who were their perpetual fucking victims in their pursuit of gaining mild power #those who coulkd never even dream of fitting the mold because they werent white or straight or skinny or cis or whatever the fuck #like even the fucking barbie movie is about some beauty standard white blond skinny feminine woman being sad about sexism #this is what many terfs dont understand lul. for some feminity is a cage they dont even fit into #they have no fucking safe area of just performing their societal role #if i see one more 'fixed' 'pick me' comic where they make the author kiss the girl thats based on their bullies i will kill something #yeah blablabla the plastics in mean girls are actually victims yaaalll.... its so sad theyre the real victims......#when will yall accept that stereotypically beautiful (especially white) women still hold power. and are often bullies.#my mom is being harassed at her workspace by her exclusively female colleagues but u tell me again how female spaces are so wholesome #and oh tell me more about the perfect female commune and the matriarchy. god you guys make me sick #oh you felt forced into performing feminity and your friendships seemed a little fake? i was called slurs in 6th grade #they stole my stuff. destroyed my things. hit me. cyberbullied me. but oh you had it so bad #to be clear this is not to say these women hold the same power as men but yeah lets not infantilize girls who CHOSE to put others down #nerdy girls who make fun of popular girls being shallow were never the problem :skull: but you all called them misogynists for being pissed #for being bullied....and wanting to feel some mild sense of superiority in their lower social role

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feralthembo · 7 months

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I had a nightmare my dad was hunting me for sport and i was in some kind of simulation but i "woke up" near the end and it turned lucid and im so fucking glad thats a thing i can do again bc god fucking damnit im tired of this.

#im REALLY good at lucid dreaming if i can even get the vaguest vibes of that im dreaming #godddd i was in my old neighborhood #my friends yard at the bottom of the V hill #that was always my safe space bc his mom took N O shit #she once let me play farmville on her pc for hours bc i ran away

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shewantsitall · 1 year

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It's angst on a new level tbh