#im not going back into the fandom for real i just wanted to draw them

[felicitea-art]

hello animatronic fandom it's been awhile...

[dizzybizz]

hai here is a sketch dump with too many fandoms :) sorry about the ungodly amount of men here i have been going through it and by it i mean gay

ok wait i ran out of tags??? it wont let me tag them all😭😭😭 im gonna have to be sparing with them uhh i guess i will have to ramble under the cut then cus i like rambling in my tags but i cant with this one 😭

(ok im back from the ramble: it is way too long.... proceed forward if you want to see some guy just absolutely talk nonsense for entirely too long)

no cus i swear i have tried tagging more stuff than this before and never hit the limit but whatever

hello i really use this like a fkn blog huh

i just wanted to provide some thoughts on the harper and rosé one first bc its important to me 😌 cus i was thinking abt harper and how in my head and heart of hearts she would be the kid who thought you get pregnant from kissing and i dont think she ever really grew out of that belief. <- this ended up spawning the idea of harper being a sex-repulsed ace and i will die on this hill actually. fight me or die, you die either way actually nvm

this is just a buncha blorbos i dont know what to tell you really. sketch pages like these always end up so weird for me bc for some reason my brain always wants the characters in them to interact in some way. whether that be talking or just reacting to what the other is doing... its something i cant stop with, its so stupid and silly and i hate it and i love it. where else would i see kabru slowly losing his mind with how loud phoenix wright is in court????

I THOUGHT I HAD GOTTEN OFF THE RAILS WITH THAT BUT THEN THE NEXT PAGE HAPPENED. and all i could do was laugh and ask "what the fuck am i drawing??? HOW DID WE GET HERE? WHY IS THISTLE HERE WITH LEOPIKA HELP" LIKE that page started with the big leopika and then i was like "man i miss thistle lemme draw him real quick" but the curse struck and now hes being homophobic so </3

i rlly like how the nic(k) page turned out ... i just have a lot of nicks i like drawing idk.. the lil guy is an oc,,, one day his ref sheet will be finished and itll be awesome but not for now, sorry baby, no can do. im weirdly happy with how the hands turned out for all of them tho?? so thats a W

yotasuke, murai, nick (youll never know which one im referring to. .. jkjk its hoult i love the pose there ehehhe), nic and the entire last page r my favs. i like em all but those rlly get me yknow- the olly too ofc but ive already posted him, dont mind him being here, hes part of the set. AND OVER ALL IVE BEEN HAVING SO FUN WITH SHADING BLACK AND JUST LEAVING SPOTS BLANK ITS SO ?`????

WHY IS THIS SO LONG PLS DONT READ ALL THIS THIS IS STRAIGHT UP EMBARRASSING AGHSDFGSDHJSGD im all like "yeah i dont like talking about myself or whatever" but as soon as i get to my process or blorbos or smth the floodgates fucking break open, not even burst man.

also dont mind how i havent even acknowledged pingas twink pokemon counterpart. hes just here for shits and giggles i dont know the guy like at all, i watched a handful of eps of horizons and that was it RIP

[thighguys]

Please explain the vday video lore im new to the fandom!!!!

oh, sure! this is pretty much one of the biggest phandom controversies ever lmao so. super taboo topic too, people only got comfy even mentioning it within the past few years. tldr it was a private video of phil talking about their relationship that got leaked and caused them to be outed. detailed explanation under the cut bc it's long lol

basically in like 2010 phil recorded a video while dan was away on a family vacation (i think india) talking about how much he loved him and going into a bit of detail on like, their first date, etc etc (references to the manchester eye and avatar 3d come from this video as phil mentioned them kissing for the first time on the eye and also at avatar lol) and in the video phil said it was a Valentine's Day gift for dan as dan wasn't there to celebrate with him. he posted it privately and that was that. ive seen the video once but it was a while ago, mostly i remember a lot of little drawings of fireworks and cherries lmao. which, more lore, but. not for this rant lol

then a year later, 2011, youtube went through a glitch that unprivated everybody's private videos and the video was leaked. dan and phil put out a statement or wtv saying they had recorded it as an april fools prank for their viewers but they scrapped it because they worried people might take it seriously, and asked people to not spread the video around. luckily the phandom was still fairly small at this time and not too many people saw the video so it wasn't a huge deal.

THEN in 2012, it got unprivated again due to Another glitch, and this time (basically right after they'd gotten really popular) people went crazy over it. dan and phil asked people not to share it but it didnt work, and there are a lot of receipts from back then of both of them (but especially dan) getting super defensive about their sexualities. they copyrighted anyone who tried to repost the video and phil was still taking it down up until at least 2018 (i dont know of any vids being taken down later than that but im not sure).

the reason it was a big deal was pretty much just bc of the gigantic breach of privacy lmao. dan and phil were literally outed and people couldn't keep quiet and respectful about it. people got ahold of this private thing and then when dnp got defensive about it, instead of stopping, viewers kept pushing. i think it was a mix of 'wow this video is cute also phan is real' and 'the more upset and defensive dnp get the more it proves that the video isn't a joke' and also a good portion of the phandom was too young to recognize the impact they were making. not to excuse them, but like. they were 12 years old finding out their favorite ship was real and they weren't mature enough to shut up about it.

honestly it's just really sad to think about lmao. they were so young and they went through soooo much bs. it's amazing that theyre still together honestly, atp their relationship is literally unbreakable. there was a whole breakup theory after the video leaked the second time actually, bc they did less joint content for a while there before they launched dnpg. i never read up on that but im sure somebody's got a rundown on the main points if you're interested lol.

im sure somebody has a link to the video if you really want to see it? it's up on youtube somewhere (possibly unlisted) and i know somebody put it on tumblr a while back. i don't know where it is though, you'll have to ask around. i don't personally see any harm in watching it at this point- they're out and grownups now and so are we, so as long as you arent spreading it around or being generally disrespectful lmao i say go wild. not everyone will agree with that tho, like i said it was a reeeally taboo topic for a while and a lot of newer phannies honestly might not even know about it. i wasn't personally there when it happened but i was an 11 year old with internet access in 2017 and i literally took notes on dnp lore deepdives 😭

anyway that's about it! if anyone has other things they think i should add/edit lmk ☺️

[homkamiro]

I LOVE THE TF2 MLP AU SM. it gives me sm nostalgia to when i was a kid and i and everyone in the fandom made pony aus of franchises we liked- im so happy cringe is dead and tradition is alive 🥹

ALSO THE INFECTION AU POST. GOOD SHIT;!;!!!!!!!!!! gore and body horror are inseparable from (hopefully only the mature part of) the mlp fandom and i felt so giddy jumping for joy kicking my feet up seeing that it had a resurgence!! Your post of this au with your tf2 ponies was my introduction to it!!! Nature is healinggggg

That post is BOMB. WE GOT: 1) HEAVYMEDIC ANGST. 2) PYRO & ENGIE ANGST. 3) BOOTS & BOMBS ANGST. 4) DADSPY ANGST. 5) SNIPER ANGST. ITS GIVING💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽 and the way the disease spreads differently for all of them is so creative!!!!!! Engie wants to sever the infected body part but cant cus its on his back and he needs medics help for that (and med is way too far gone to do any operation), and scout doesn't want his wings severed even tho that would save him cus he still wants to fly!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

also soldier misinterpreting the request is so good. And pyro wanting to help but not being allowed to cus they'd try to burn engie. Demo drinking himself to death cus he cant handle seeing his friend in the state that he's in. Sniper disappearing cus he wants to be with his parents during this horrible time even tho they have a strained relationship. Spy wanting his son to live through this so much that he's planning to sever his wings himself. And heavyyyyyy. Heavy breaking his heart everyday still taking care of medic knowing he's going to have to kill the love of his life soon. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Anyways sorry for fuckin. Screaming in your asks and basically just repeating what you wrote sgjdjd. I just really love this au (and especially that comic with scout, medic and engie!!!) and the infection au post made me so nostalgic to the early days of the mlp fandom that the adhd went mental and i had to shout about it lol- feel free to not respond to this! Youre awesome! Keep doing you!!!!!!

(also youre really good at drawing gore????? Hello teach me pls)

WHAT A BIG FEEDBACK OHMYGODヽ⁠(⁠(⁠◎⁠д⁠◎⁠)⁠)⁠ゝ

Anyway I'm really super puper glad you liked my au!! I was a little hesitant to post it, since AU in AU sounds weird but I'm glad I thought otherwise - cringe culture should be dead!! Mix your hyperfixations it's good for your health!!!

AND AHHHHGGGGGH You noticed so many details thankyouuu🥺💗💗💗The best thing about this AU is that every ship and brotp can work so well in this story. Engie first helping Medic but then ending up being also infected??? Spy checking up on Engie and making him eat since he's too stressed to take a break??? Demo, Heavy and Pyro comforting each other after loosing their friends??? Spy and Scout both raging on Sniper for leaving like a coward??? Or maybe Heavy, as an earth pony, comforts Scout after he just got his wings amputated??? So many possibilities!!

Don't worry, I love when people are noticing all the details and just get,, really invested into my stuff, it really brings me joy and you made my day so much better!!🥺🥺I feel honestly a little insecure, since my pony designs and thoughts may not be the best, but I'm glad that so many people still like my mlp×tf2 stuff!! It's really endearing to know that finally something I like making is also likable to you!

About gore -- I have no idea😭I love gore but it's a pain to draw properly and scary, you'd need practice and references (I mostly use art references since yknow,,,real photos can make me sick)

[ganondoodle]

since seeing a post from a mutual yesterday i was thinking about how grateful i am that i can now, confidently say something like -im taking demise away from nintendo- or -hes MY character now- while knowing that the people following me will understand that thats not actually possible and also i dont mean that literally literally (duh)

bc (while i have mentioned it in the past and im not trying to fish for sympathy with this, the memories ... and trauma really does come back every now and then) there were people once that imagined i said that about a popular character in the fandom i was in when i was a teen and proceeded to try (and nearly succeeding bc i was already struggeling alot with depression, anxiety and undiagnosed autism) to bully me into killing myself; perhaps it wasnt their actual goal, but the shit they did (alot of them were adults too), was absolutely insane, but i've only been able to see that wayyyy after the fact

like even if im remembering wrong and i did word it wrong or weird or in a way that was easily misunderstood, i was a teen, with english not as my first language and it still was some fandom shit that ultimately did not matter and never in any scenario warrented that level of harrassment, i dont even think i ever told my parents bc i thought i had to deal with it alone since i 'caused' it too and since then just ... wanting to forget it ever happened

while i am much, much better now, and slowly learning to manage my mental health struggles too, i do wonder just .. how much of how i am today was shaped by that horrible experience, like the way i overly try to pre-apologize and put doubts on every thought i write out, or the panic i feel when something does go outside my usual range (mostly twitter really ..) was immensely worsened by that .. among stuff i probably dont even realize

funnily enough, i made my account on tumblr to try and flee from all that was happening to me (even if they did stalk me at first .. even here) and hey, im still here :D

i guess what im trying to say is, i am very happy to still be here, i am grateful to be able to be myself, even with its downsides, even with my problems, even if the things i do are passable at best, even if i will never "make it big", even if i am annoying at times, even if i do mistakes still, even if i am .... horribly bad at replying to the awesome people that message me-

there are, at least a few people, who enjoy, or even care, or heck, even think about what i draw and write, which is .. still mind boggling to me and i might never be able to truly believe its all real, there are people who are able to see beyond my flaws, forgive me if i do missstep or overreact, and just be aware that even with everything i share about me, there is lots you dont know that may inform why i feel a certain way about something, but thats okay, i am human, i am here, there are people who enjoy my brainworms, and perhaps even think i, as a person, am nice

i am so grateful for that

some things are good

[candy8448]

Photo (for the one word prompt)

Used a fic idea i had since i basically joined this fandom but never wrote so i got carried away and wrote 1580 words 0.0

This fic idea came to me when playing totk for the first time when it first came out, i took a photo of the old champions photo and put it in the gallery of my new house

Get ready for some fluff! (From me? I know, shocking!)

Send me a one word writing prompt

"And this room, i actually made with you guys in mind... i didn't have space for full beds but those mattresses are a lot comfier than a sleeping roll. Sometimes i even prefered sleeping in here than in my own bedroom," imagining that i was still with you lot, he left out. Wild turned back to the chain as he finished showing them around his new home. Twilight glanced around, noting something,

"Where is the champions photo? I thought of all things you would want to bring, it would be that?"

Wild tried to hide his upset expression, "well, Zelda kept it... and she is the one with all the real memories of them... so its okay"

He tried not to think about losing the champions photo, but he couldnt help but think it was like loosing them all over again. Still, nothing would come from burdening the chain with his emotions.

---------------------

The next day, while Wild was out running errands, Legend burst into their shared room on the top floor, canvas and paints in his arms, dumping them on the table in the center of the room,

"We're painting him a new one."

"What?"

"You saw how sad he looked when he didn't have the champion's photo; we are repainting him a new one"

Warriors grinned at the vet, "wow, didn't know you were soft, collector."

That earned a glare, "You never know when you could lose someone, sometimes you need something to keep their memory alive, like a song, or a picture."

A few of them nodded in agreement.

"Right, who's doing what?" Time said as they all gathered around the table.

Wind's hand shot up first, "ooh, OOH! I can draw! Let me draw it!"

Legend looked at him, "okay, you do the sketch and i do the painting, BUT im gonna check over the sketch before we're done" ever the perfectionist.

Sky nudged Four, "bet we can make a pretty good frame eh?" Four grinned back and nodded, running off to find somewhere he could start.

Roles were assigned to each member: Four and Sky would work on a frame, Wind would sketch and Legend would paint, Warriors would find Flora and ask to borrow the original photo as reference, Time would also go with him to learn more about the champions, and finally, Hyrule and Twilight, having no artistic skill and being the closest to their cook would distract Wild until the painting was finished. It was a good plan, and they began too work.

---------------------

Legend and Wind sat in the top room all day, Wind was getting frustrated at how the sketch was just not looking right, Legend came to pull the pencil away,

"No you do it like this!" He said, rubbing out a piece of the drawing and sketching it on himself. Wind's eyes widened in understanding, and he grabbed the pencil again, fixing up other similar mistakes. Legend noted that the rito happened to look the best and he had to wonder if that was because it was the only race outside of hylians he had a lot of experience with. Wind noticed the same thing. He almost felt the spirit of the rito looking smug as he pridefully gloated on the others, and Wind giggled.

---------------------

"It's really nice you're doing this for him, i wasn't aware that he would feel upset that i kept the photo. I thought he would come and tell me if something was upsetting him," Flora said as they sat around the table in her own house in Hateno village. Warriors and Time had told Wild that they wanted to speak to her and Wild, being unsuspecting at the two 'leaders' of the group wanting to gather information, called Zelda over with the Purah Pad. She had teleported to them with the old Sheika Slate and Warriors couldn't help but gape at the glowing blue antlers and her purple and blue eyes. Zelda then proceded to take them to her house once they told her they wanted to speak to her in private, much to the displeasure of Wild, who wanted her nearby to make sure she was safe, not that anyone could blame him.

Time smiled at her, "well, hiding one's emotions do seem to come with the hero's spirit"

She nodded uncertainly.

Wars drew the girl's attention, "Can you tell us about the champions? Our friends Sky and Four would like to make a frame and were hoping to make it something special."

---------------------

Wild excitedly showed them around Tarrey town and was pulling Twilight and Hyrule along with him. When wild came running back to the house, Twilight first asked to have help with Epona, but because the house stable was already occupied, they had to go to the nearest stable. Hyrule also tagged along, hoping to use up time exploring once Wild's attention would eventually shift from horses to something else. Twilight was currently just following behind them, trying to catch up to the duo and making sure they didn't get hurt.

Wild had decided that it was a good idea to dive off the side of the town and into the water to reach the construction grounds. Twilight tried to stop him but the champion, as slippery as he is, got past him, already with his shirt off and shouting as he went down, followed by a massive splash that almost reached up to them. Twilight sighed and turned around, only to see Hyrule missing from his side. The traveler's laughter joined Wild's own as he knelt on the moving tracks platform and waved at him, Wild waving back as he swam to shore. Twilight sighed harder but smiled, at least his brother seemed in a better mood.

---------------------

Sky hummed to the rythm of Four's hammer hitting metal. The skyloftian had decided to join the smithy in the forge to spend time with him. The carving in his hands would theoretically slot into what four was making, the metal to hold the canvas in place and the wood for the details. Sky used what Warriors and the old man had relayed to them from Flora to create intricate markings which he hoped represented the champions. Four hammered away, joining his humming with his own layer to the tune until he stopped hammering and looked at his work, "how does that look?" He asked, sky stood up, halfing his unfinished piece nearby and comparing the two, looking at the but where the two would slide in together, "it looks great!"

---------------------

Hyrule excitedly dragged Wild to the top room by his arms. When the champion saw everyone in the room he looked confused, waiting for an answer. "We made something for you" Wind said, ushering him to the table.

Wild walked up to the table to see a canvas resting on it, one with a very familiar image. His breath hitched in his throat as he silently.

It was almost identical to the original image, the champions photo, but newer. Everone in the image looked perfect, careful strokes of paint marking out their individual features. Wild sniffled as he inspected the frame. Wood and metal worked into eachother. The metal sides of the frame had the words "champions ballad" indented in his hylian. The wooden sides had carvings, depicting the four regions the champions came from, it also had things which he knew the champions loved from his scattered memories. There were indentations of more things, and Wild wondered where they got this information from. The frame was detailed, he could also see where the wood and metal intertwined with one another. There were no carvings of the divine beasts, Wild noticed suddenly, no marks of duty; just six friends, together and happy.

Wild worlessly looked up at his traveling companions, and only now noticed the river of tears running down his face.

Twilight stepped forwards, offering Wild a tissue, "legend was the one who suggested we do this because we saw how sad you were about not having the original. He and Wind sketched and painted it. Wars and Time got the original image from Flora and learned about the champions for the details on the frame, which Sky and Four both made. Hyrule and I were distracting you so it could be a surprise"

Wild sniffed, happy tears overflowing him, "th-thank you guys, it really means a lot" his voice cracked, "i-um... can we take a new one? With all of us? If you dont mind" he stuttered.

---------------------

Flora held the Purah Pad, looking through the lens. She called out, telling everyone to move around and making sure they were in shot, "Time, move down, yeah like Warriors, you might not be that tall but you are still out of shot" laugheter errupted out of the others, the old man deadpanned before his face returned to his smile. Flora decided to take advantage of everyone's laughing faces, "Ready?" She giggled, borrowing Purah's iconic phrase "Click-" Twilight grinned mischieviously, "-snap!" And pulled everyone in suddenly with his strong arms.

The image was put up next to the champions painting on the top floor where they all slept. Wild took a step back, smiling softly. Everyone had a mixture of shocked and laughing faces, Wild himself, in the middle with a beaming smile and a tear running down his cheek...

Ao3 (oneshot collection)

Ao3 (the fic on its own)

I have notes and headcanons featured in this fic in the end notes of both of the Ao3 versions

Hope you enjoyed! :)

[bogbees]

bunny is like. idk. there's stuff going on and I'm going to try and compose my thoughts ab it.

in Tweek Vs. Craig we get Kenny in home ec learning shit like "i think a trip to Hawaii will really improve our sex life" and being told the likelihood of him marrying a rich man is unlikely, and he's put into shop class for it.

and like. how Kenny ends up traveling to Hawaii with Butters so Butters will be able to chill out — in a way that mirrors the plot of Amok Time, thee sprik episode, the grandaddy of slash fandom.

And how Butters ends up being Kenny's right hand man in the future, both funding the projects and being the only other one who can access the research with voice recognition...

how we just had an episode where Cartman uses Kenny to manipulate Butters into getting what he wants, Butters' Paycheck, all like "Kenny deserves smth nice don't you agree? Do as i say and he'll get smth nice" ab it?? And it's just like "well Butters has always been down to give Kenny money"

the way in Major Boobage Butters is there like "there there buddy" comforting Kenny's brutal withdrawal. the lil drawing Butters made of him and Kenny in Kenny Dies. the way Kenny held Butters hand for most of Going Native.

and the line "I can't believe I had a secret crush on you Princess Kenny!" fr Paladin Butters in The Stick of Truth after Princess Kenny turns bad?? That's real and not smth i dreamed up???

and Mysterion vs. Professor Chaos??? like?????? the whole. hero vs. villain thing????? Mysterion Rises opens with a comic spread of the two fighting even!!

and then there's the Princess Kenny and Marjonne?????? genderqueer bunny??? t4t lesbians?? nonbinary and genderfluid?????? Kenny's interest in boobs ending up being a longing to look like that???

The way Kenny looks like he belongs on a beach in the future???? going back to hawaii?? how he and Butters both have sunglasses on????? how we saw both of their dicks??? no one else had their dicks out, just them??????? how tin foil is crucial to time travel not killing ppl, how professor chaos wears tin foil...

there's just. stuff. stuff i feel absolutely insane to be looking at like this. feels more insane than our schematics of creek that turned out to be canon. batshit crazy ab this

like, Band in China has Butters and Kenny in Stan's death metal band, and while they're trying to make their biopic Butters says this and Kenny looks at him?????? For what purpose animate Kenny's eyes and nothing else besides Butters?¿ He's surely just surprised at how upset Butters got over this, right, yeah, that's all this is, I'm just insane and my bff who got me to watch this show and doesn't care for the fandom aspect going "i remember noticing that when i watched it!" is like. nothing.

im insane looking at the colour of the popsicle. looking at the colour of Butters swim trunks. Butters wears teal, navy and green. Orange??? Orange?????????????

how Catman accuses Stan of inviting Butters but he says he didn't and they all look at Kenny

you need to kill me. Like for real just kill me.

[mbslost]

hi. yes i came back for another yapping session, ironic.

i would like to express some of my feelings towards... some interesting things.

1. The Strade nazi drawing

i talked about his before, i am aware, but later (while reading other opinions as well) i got reminded about EP (Electricpuke for those who dont know him). did we all forgot HOW MANY nazi drawings he made? dont you believe that's an influence as well? if i remember correctly, Gato cut ties with him because of his abusive behaviour (there arent many people talking about this but some user are aware about his actions. sadly i wasnt in the community when that happened)

literally there are people calling Gato a nazi when she doesn't support the ideology. why did no one act the same with EP? different standards? the fact he left (probably) for good? still its not an excuse to call Gato a nazi. also she apologised multiple times. again MULTIPLE TIMES. even in the callout post in twt you can see the fact she IS sorry for drawing that. that she REGRETS it

edit: kay found a ss on tt from the user @/gorturic where Gato said this as well

again, she doesn't support any nazi shit :/

2. The way others silence opinions that they dont like

im not saying you should be forced to agree with it, but when you make a callout account, normally, you let multiple people say their opinions over that thing. you can even show proof when you see someone is wrong. thats how argument work, crazy ik.

i start to see that if you defend Gato or just leave the community because the fandom its on thin ice, you'll be harassed and bullied for your choices. first of all, HOW ABOUT WE LEAVE PEOPLE THAT DONT WANT TO ASSOCIATE WITH BTD/TPOF ANYMORE ALONE. good? literally saw multiple users being harassed by this. its THEIR decision, suck it up. also can we stop SENDING DEATH THREATS???

or the fact that if you do have a point, they'll immediately cancel it with the "oh but its not important". it can be if you have some proofs for their misinformation (just like i proved the variety of poc characters Gato CREATED. didnt talk about Ren since he's another story)

3. Lack of proof for the side allegations.

if people noticed mods harassing people sm, why didnt they talk? why arent there ss of their conversations? we dont even know (most of us) what they even commented about (aside of Pussyspieler drawing). or the twt user that was wronged. that situation was like.. kind of a "im more autistic so you should shut up" (i have to add that i asked people on the spectrum about this and that was their point of view) of course the mod shouldn't have said it like that but.. its more of a misunderstanding really.. that doesnt mean you cant be upset. you absolutely can. everyone can react differently so dont harass them for feeling down or for being frustrated.

also the spanish (or mexican idk) users that just copied and translated @/renhanasgf posts with little to no new information. just the same thing. (although they said something of Gato not sending merch to latin America. probably because of the laws back then or the fact that the transport fee would be high af. im still searching for the reason tho so ill need some time for that one).

4. This fandom is messed up

people when fans of horror porn games are problematic 🤯. i agree that some people are being like extreme with their reactions, but no one is perfect here. just like i approached the situation completely wrong, they did the same. of course, now if you go around and be a racist piece of shit, you shoudl just stay off the internet for a while. luckily more approach the "like the art not the artist" thing.

look. you can always block users that you dont like (just like i do to those who are either into csam,thanks for telling me ab this term anon!, or incest). i know. shocking that people can block others.

after all these fandoms are not for the weak. there may be some safe spaces in it as well but... lets be real... its still going to be problematic. if you cant handle the community or how others act around here, then id suggest for you to not have a close interaction with others. like uhm, just, appreciate the content, not every person around here. just be aware of the users, stau safe okay?

5. Will i stop yapping?

not until i will see an agreement in the fandom. Gato is a human, of course she will do mistakes. especially if she's anxious or tired. having hundreds of people around you its hard and i can imagine it. having supoortive people only to wake up with people hating you. i hope she's safe and that she wont have to go to the hospital again. i pray for her well being, and to others that got spammed with those disgusting comments.

im not saying we should forget about this like.. her poor management and emotional way of responding to things, but is it truly worth it? to force a person to apologise just because they tried to fix things?

i also dont think ill stop because i just feel like im the only one that does talk here (trying to even prove wrong on some things). if others do it as well, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TAG ME I WANNA SEE THEM😭 also because most people are still so confused about EVERYTHING. for some reason this drama its only getting more popular on tt for some reason.. which is a big no no since there are a lot of YOUNG people. i believe this should be talked here, and on twitter. (idk what to say about telegram)

ill stop here since my sickness got me. i will edit it later to add or correct myself but *sighs*

please stay safe and try to view more opinions over this. DONT SPAM OR HARASS ANYONE WHO ONLY WANTED TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS. we'll see on Sunday how things will turn out.

(if i missed something out or said something wrong please correct me)

[resident-gay-bitch]

Hello there, I’m in genuine need of more fandom / online friends so like, if you also want more friends, here’s some info about me and maybe we can be friends? <3

My names Jay, I’ve recently picked it for myself (and then realised I could have possibly had an even cooler name Bo which is the shortened of my middle name and now im cursing myself for not realising it sooner and questioning weather or not to do a switch cause idk if Bo or Jay suits me better?!!). I’m 20 and FtM, and I go by he/they pronouns primarily but I also don’t mind if you use any others :)

I’m also Australian so yeah idk if that’s a selling point or not

Oh and I’m labelled as queer, I guess, but dude sexuality is confusing. I’ve recently been going down the aromantic / asexual spiral of questioning but I’m so unsure of everything I really suck at telling the difference between platonic and romantic feelings. I’m also somewhere in the sapphic spectrum I believe. So if you can relate to this mindfuck in any way that would also be rad.

I write fan fic for the Marauders Fandom (sirius is my everything and I’m also a tall sirius truther) and also Stranger Things but primarily Steddie for that tbh.

I’m also in the Good Omens fandom, as well as a few others more casually and don’t write fic for them :) recently I’ve been starting to watch JJK cause my best friend is really into it

My favorite two movies of all time are Rocky Horror Picture Show and Cars. That probably tells you a lot about me to be honest so do with that as you will :)

My favorite musicians are David Bowie at No. 1 (my lord and saviour), Maya Hawke, Hozier, Radiohead (im not a red flag I promise), Conan (I’m seeing him on fri wtf), ooo and I’ll add SOAD cause I’m really into them this month. But it’s ever changing really and there are too many to choose from, I’d say they’re my most listened to though :) I am chronically listening.

Uh I’m gonna spitball some more facts about me this is kinda hard:

I’m the eldest of 4 kids 💀 one of them is 5 years younger than me 💀💀 the other two are 6 years younger 💀💀💀 (I love them sm the annoying shitstarters)

I love to draw and make art but I suck at anatomy and colour theory it makes me want to rip my hair out (and I wanna be a fan artist so bad)

I’m attempting to learn bass but I also cannot commit to learning the bass (I blame my sibling for keeping it in their wardrobe so I forgoet it exists)

I am 90% sure I’m neurodivergent I just cannot really afford to get that diagnosis rn ya know?!

I did ballet & dance most of my life 🤯🤯 (now I’m a bartender and my old ballet teacher is a regular at the sailing club I work and now I look queer and cunty as hell and every time she sees me she just stares in disbelief and fake smiles it’s hilarious)

I still sleep with my childhood teddy :( I love her she is my one thing I would save in a fire. Her name is charlotte and she’s probably 3 years overdue for a bath but I love her

I’m fucking weird about stars - the shape not the astrology - like I love them. I see them and I get very excited and I draw them everywhere (you can probably tell off all my master lists, they all have stars drawn on the title strips 😭) I just really love them they’re so cute. I almost named myself Star actually

I’m a sagittarius. I don’t know what that means but I know it means a lot of things to people so hopefully it’s good things!

My favorite colour is green but more so earthy and cool greens. I love a good scrumptious yummy green, something mossy something sagey. I have a green wall in my room and it’s very nice to look at.

I lived abroad for a little bit as a teen in Vietnam which was amazing and I’m planning to move somewhere abroad again next year hopefully (seriously get me the hell out of SA)

My biggest dream / goal / career choice for most of my life was to be an actor but now I’m just kinda existing with no real drive or purpose in life. But I might pick acting back up now I’m becoming more comfy with myself and my gender :) my dream role is to play Frank from Rocky.

Uuuuuh that’s all I can think of :)

So yes, I hope I have appealed to your interests in one way or another. And if you’d maybe like to be friends please don’t hesitate to send me a message!

Maybe tell me a cool fact about yourself?

Or if you’re too shy to message first you could just add a random comment here or say something in the tags? I’ll message you! <3

Also if you have anymore questions I am trying to be a bit more of an open book, I love when people dive in with the nitty gritty so if you have strange questions I’ll probably be very excited to answer them lmao

Anyway, I hope you have a lovely day random people in my phone I hope to befriend <333

[mischaswife]

PRETTY LITTLE PSYCHO

yeah. Im that person now

❗TW: Mentions of murder, tourture, Swearing, Most likely insane reader

Pairing: Mischa Bachinski x !Yandre!Reader

Fandom: RIDE THE CYCLONE

Summary: mischa has been seieng this girl for a while, She loves him. Would do anything for him. Anything in the world for him. But maybe her promise gets taken too far....

"id would do anything for you" She would always say to mischa. He thought nothing of it. He only started to worry when the people that seemed to have a intrest in him go missing. He just thought they got sick. But most of them never came back again. He was talking to this girl that had a huge crush on him. His girlfriend spying on them from down the hall. Monetering her. The way she laughed, Touched him, smiled at him. Just enough for her to go crazy. Ahe would walk up to them with a smile on her face. She would kiss mischas cheek. Leaveing a lipstick mark. If that girl didnt stop she would take matters into her own hands, or her own blade. "Hey, you seem really cool, wanna meet up after school" She says to the girl.

"Yeah! Id love too" the girl says, "Great, meet me near football feild" She smiles and walks away. At the end of the day she meets up with the girl. "Whats your name?" She asks, "Margo" Margo says. "Thats so pretty, your face is really pretty" She smiles. Margo smiles back. "thank you",

"it will look real pretty on my wall" She smiles. "wait what-" Margo says then (name) grabs her and puts a towel with chloroform on it over her mouth makeing margo pass out. (Name) Drags margo to her car and lays her down (thows her) in the back seats. She would drive to a abondoned house. (name) drags margo into the bacement and ties her to a chair and waits for margo to wake up.

Margo wakes up, "morning sunshine" She say to her with a mask on her face. "W-Where am i!?" Margo says panicked. "What were your intentions with mischa." She says ro amrgo in a cold tone. "I wanted to date him! Hes so hot and attractive and-" Margo gets cut off my a knife in her gut. "Mine. The boy is mine. Not yours, he only will love me not your ragity ass. Margo." (Name) said to margo as she was sitting in shock then died. She smirks and cleans herself off. She takes off the mask to reval a smile on her face showing she is satisfied with what she has done.

She leaves the building and drives home, Once she gets home she takes a shower. Must have no evidinve on her. None. The next day people are womdering where their little margo went. "I wonder where she went.." Mischa says to his girlfriend, "Yeah, After choir you wanna come over to take your mind off things?" she asks and he nods. After choir practice they walk to her car. little did she remeber Margos white shoe, with her drawing on it, name and that she had been wearing last time anyone saw her was in the passangers seat leg space.

They get into the car and mischa sees it. "What-Is that margos sho-" He starts saying in a shakey tone. (Name) Starts freaking out and knocks him out. She drives to the buiding and dragged him inside, she untied margos dead body and threw it with the other ones. She ties mischa up and puts her mask on and sits infront of him holding her trusty knife waiting. Waiting for him to wake up. Once he wakes up he realises he isnt at her house. Insted a bloody, cold bacement with wepons on the walls and dead bodies of girls and guys that have ever liked him on the floor. "What the fuck is this." He says trieing to get out of the chair hes tied too.

"Dont bother doing that. You I would do anything for you. Looks like you didnt quite belive that fully" she said circuling around the chair. "W-What have you done! You cant just kill the people that find an intrest in me!" He yells. Accent thinkening. "Oh but yes i can. I only do it because i love you, and i dont want anyone! To take that away from me!" She says, at anyone she slits his arm with her blade. He groans, "I love you too much for that to happen" She smiles and kneels down next the the chair and puts a hand on his thigh. "So, you have two options love, either tell people what you saw and i would unfortunately have to kill both of us, Or! Stay with me and tell no one what you saw, and we will live" She says in a happy tone near the end,

"I-I need to tell someone!" He says. She didnt quite like that and slit his cheek. "No you dont." She smiles almost insanely with a slight giggle. "Tell no one." She said and he nodded profusely, "Good. Now let me patch you up! I let my anger get the best of me!" she said takeing her mask off and grabing wipes and baindaids. She patches him up and unties him. "If you tell anyone i swear to god i will stab you untill my knife goes all the way through you body." she says coldly and then holds his hand, "Okay lets go!" she smiles and they leave and go to her house. Guess this is his life now. Stuck with her or she will. Kill. Him.

i hope yall liked this! Toodles!

[kairithemang0]

kai! got a question, could you possibly share more of your headcanons or ideas about characters (any fandom you want :P)? because every time i see one of yours post about stuff like that, i just go 'whoa he makes really good headcanons' i don't really know where im going with this but,,, yea :P (im extremely tired im so sorry lol)

I'm in an Agent Curt Mega mood (bcs I'm drawing him atm and he looks really sad and angsty but I'm also feeling very sad and angsty sooo)

I just love him, I think he's fascinating. Also I'm glad you like my headcanons! I care about them a lot, idk these characters mean something to me at this point, for better or worse

Since I'm feeling sad and angsty I'm gonna make him sad and angsty

So I don't think that he was with anyone after Owen fell. I think he stayed single out of guilt. After he kills Owen the second time he spirals, never able to really keep a relationship. He's miserable. And he's just like that for the rest of his life as he plots to take down Chimera but also having a really shitty work/life balance and now nothing in his life is consistent. With Owen he could hope they'd end up on another mission together, he could hope Owen wasn't going to die. He had something to look forward to that wasn't just a next mission. After Owen dies, for either time, he really just has nothing. He's sad, he's alone, he probably only talks to his mom but even that's rarely and post staircase scene he has Tati and Barb but I don't think either of them will be too helpful in the long run.

Gah this guy just seems so lonely to me. I don't know, he doesn't seem like the type of guy to just have friends

I feel like I'm digging too deep into how much Curt cared about their relationship. I think pre fall he'd be with other guys because he didn't feel as if his relationship with Owen was really that real. Sure, Owen was one of the few who understood his experience, but I don't think he realized until after the fall how much Owen actually meant to him. This is probably what really started his downward spiral. He lost the most important person to him, someone he had taken for granted for years and then killed him (or thought he did). I don't know if someone can really come back from that, even after Curt goes back to spying he still needs Owen, he has flashbacks to him, telling him, whispering in his ear. Owen's haunting him in the worst way possible and the worst part is that Owen is alive and not only that now he hates Curt.

Post fall I don't think Curt ever recovers. I think that after killing your lover twice you can't come back from that. Again, the man probably died alone. Probably alcohol poisoning, if I had to guess.

Sorry this one is really sad

[killjoynest]

🌎 OPERATION HOT CHIMP

For TOO LONG the DD fandom has been in shambles, ppl arguing spreading misinfo, straying from the original concept etc. Remember when we were supposed to make Nananana the most viewed video on Youtube, yea that didnt pan out did it.

Well I believe i have a solution....🤯🤯

July 26 is going to be a WORLD WIDE DANGER DAYS BLAST. We're going to post fics, hcs, art, cosplays, vids etc to show ppl that were back with a force. 💥🙌

Im setting some ground rules for this content and all DD content going forward. ive thought about them for a while and i think theyre fair. new rules for OPERATION HOT CHIMP are as follows,

🦍 No sayin you wanna fuck Tommy chow/lo mein, witch or that clown guy

🦍 Vayas not going to fuck you either so just let that one rest

🦍 OCs are fine but no more crossovers. i dont think sherlocks gonn show up in the zones to say "hmmmm i have a mystery for...............PARTY POISON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

🦍 OC names can only have 2 words, noone cares how many dracks Toxic Orgy Bomb Shit Chromatic Biscuits Pie has killed

🦍 Tbh OC names should be more original in general, theyve all got named like Titty Detonator, for exmaple mines called Ricky Bobby (my fav will ferell movie), its laid back, funny movie reference etc also hes a racecar driver like the real Ricky bobby

🦍 Dr. Death Defyings real name is not "Steve." Its charles

🦍 Power Pup is made from DOG FOOD not "grinded up exterminators"

🦍 No more sayin Kobra kid is 🇬🇧british. Tbh the royals probably died in the wars, and thats a huge part of the "Being british package"

🦍 If you write/draw stuff about the four you HAVE to include the girl. "i dont like her shes boring" idc, the girl is the center of dd, she keeps fun ghoul from doin stupid stuff like sticking his dick in the mailbox and yellin "FORGIVE THIS BITCH"

Rn ppl outside the dd fandom make fun of us, sayin "haha its the wierd sewer of the mcrmy."

Thats bc they see the DD fandom as 💥💥💣🤮🙄🙄😑😐💣 But with OPERATION HOT CHIMP, i know we can turn it into 💿💃🍡🦍👈⛽🍆🤯🛴💰🗿

Call it CODENAME GORILLA when your around non-DD ppl (normies). We're going to blow their minds with the biggest blast the MCRmy has ever seen🤯🤯 July 26, write it down 📝

No this is not a joke....someone needs to straighten things up around here....might as well be me🤌

As Ricky Bobby said shake....and BAKE🤛

that post was NOT an invitation to send this to me 😭😭😭 proud witchfucker wednesday poster... you want me to abandon british kobra kid? my beloved mutuals british kobra kid? you want me to stop misinfo posting oh this is so sick and twisted

[chipper-asks]

Hi! I've been following you for a good while now and have always rly admired the community you've build, and, your art itself, obviously, it's always very cozy in here. May be a strange question, but as a relatively popular artist on the interned, are there any tips you could share on how to engage and sustain an audience? maybe you know some recourses for artist to get their art seen? I've been an artist posting online for roughly 10 yrs and pretty much failed at accumulating any sort of prominent presence. I don't feel bad about it really, it's not why I do art per say, but these are pretty rough times and unfortunately other means of art monetization grow thinner with stupid updates & algorithms forcing anyone who can't afford payed adds or subscriptions out of business. I kinda have to make use of social media, even if it's not my element in the slightest. Feel free not to answer if you feel like it. Thanks in advance! Also big thanks for your shouts of my art overall, I really appreciate your support!

So I've had a post in my drafts for who knows how long detailing how to build and curate your audience online. But I haven't found a good way to go about posting it because I didn't want it to come off as tooting my own horn xD

BUT YOU HAVE ENABLED ME SO HERE WE GO!!!

(im going to generalize, you may already be doing some of these things but I think its good info for anyone who wants to build an online presence)

1. Engaging your audience

A: First, you have to think of the platform you're sharing your art on and what people use it for. Not even tumblr, but the internet as a whole. It is a place where people form communities and share information. It's also one of the most popular ways to mentally escape; from school, boredom, to the horrors of real life.

So if you want people to find you, make a space where they can escape/feel community.

This means: No callout posting, no venting, no doom posting, no politics, no guilt posting, no anything that would make you unfollow someone else if you were having a bad day.

It's okay to have an occasional vent or political post cause we're human, but trauma dumping is something thats very hard for someone else to read and honestly should you be putting that kind of information online, the internet is a place of community but it also isnt safe.

B: The Value of Fandoms

It's time for some metrics, featuring my own follower count.

I've been on tumblr for 9 years and I have been making an effort to grow my base as a way of getting money as a freelancer (like you) so I started doing this allll the way back in highschool. I can remember each milestone and which fandom I got them in

1,000 I got when I was posting stuff for Undertale

2,000 I got when I was posting stuff for The Property of Hate

there was a big break between these milestones where I was just drawing ocs and object heads and stuff, but nothing I was hyperfixated on

5,000 I got from Hollow Knight

but then something really unexpected happened.

In late 2021 and early 2022 I decided cringe was a worthless social construct and decided to fully indulge in my enjoyment of doodling dragons.

I juuust inched past 5,000 when 2022 started. I Ended Up With 12,000 as 2022 ended. That's more than double. As of posting this I am at 13,600 and its only February.

So how did that happen? I could tout along and say that it was simply luck and I wasn't really making an effort anyway but that's a big fuckin lie, i've been "selling out" this whole time (it's not fucking selling out to post in fandom. You like a thing? You go to the thing's community and post about the thing)

Posting in a fandom is essentially like, now bear with me, advertising for your blog. Fandom is where the eyes are and where the traffic goes. Big tags like #artistsontumblr #tumblrart #art are used OFTEN but they're too general and often people look for things that are specific. Fandoms like Hollow Knight, BNHA, Mob Psycho, The Owl House, etc are currently popping off and have a lot of traffic.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you need to join a popular fandom to post your work in to get followers, it just means that if you're into a show or a media, post it on your main art blog and don't make side blogs. Keep it all together

Why?

Because 5% of those fandom people stick around for YOUR STUFF and those 5% of people are the best goddamn people in the world. You want those 5% to see EVERYTHING you do and THEY'RE the ones who will recommend you to THEIR friends and do outreach on your behalf because they like YOU and not YOUR STUFF.

i fuckin love those guys

So as you hop from fandom to fandom, you're going to lose some people but that's fine. Everyone curates their experience online and if you head off in a direction they don't like then they can deal with it. The rest come along for the ride cause 1: they either really like your stuff or 2: are into the new thing you're getting into.

SO ANYWAY

posting in fandoms under one name is GOOD because it puts everyone in the same bucket that will see your stuff and there's a chance that a few will stick just for your stuff. It is not cheap, its how you reach out to people to help cheer up their day and escape from things stressing them out.

C: What should you post?

So this is something that isn't an exact science but if you're looking to increase your follower count, this is something you can keep in mind.

Because this is the internet and the digital word of escaping from stress, people flock to things that are

1: Familiar 2: Funny 3: Relatable

So i've already been over fandoms and that's something that goes into the Familiar category. Familiar can also mean generalized but still popular concepts, like werewolves, dragons, vampires, apocalyptic scenarios, etc.

The more you trail into something niche, like marine biology, the seelie/unseelie courts, object heads, etc, the less traffic you'll find. There are communities centered around these but they're not massive like certain fandoms.

Which is how you end up with artists who spend hours upon hours on every piece only getting like 14 - 32 notes per piece. It's not lack of people caring or lack of interest, its the fact that these artists haven't "advertised" their blogs in fandom. Those people who end up caring about more personal posts are those 5% you find from fandom spaces. Their Familiar from that fandom begins to include your artwork as Familiar and thus they're more likely to share it.

Funny is simple. Tumblr is a platform of shitposts and memes. Do you have a favorite character in a fandom? Shitpost them. 2 birds with one stone, Familiar and Funny. I can't teach you how to be funny, but if you see something that makes you laugh online, pause and try to find out why and see if you can replicate it. (You wont get it in one go)

Relate-ability is also simple. If someone finds something they can easily associate with they will eagerly tag #mood #me or @ one of their friends in the post.

What doesn't get people following just by itself is your skill.

This sounds really fucking depressing but hear me out.

Your skill in art is a multiplier. It can take those three categories from above and BOOST IT to fantastic new heights. People love things that are from their fandoms that are funny and relate-able. People go FERAL for shit that is from their fandoms that are funny, relate-able AND COOL AS FUCK. If art represented x5 in an equation and you have nothing else, you get 0. If you include any of those three other things and then x5, you get something grand.

2. Sustaining your Audience.

If you want to set up your blog as a platform to eventually gain freelance income from, you need to make it yours and not your audience's.

This is key to prevent burnout and feeling obligation to create for thousands of featureless faces and losing sight of what made you enjoy art in the first place.

It is REALLY EASY to fall into that pit, especially as you grow your audience. When you have a small audience, it's easier to interact one on one with someone. Engagement is exciting when you have a small audience! People? Interested in your work!! Fuck yeah!!

But as you reach those milestones, the vibe begins to change. More and more people demand your attention. People who are new don't see you as an artist they knew from another fandom, they see you as a content creator and that is the worst goddamn stone wheel to get stuck around your neck.

You can still respond to requests and answer silly questions, but now you have to keep in mind that if you draw this little dragon for someone, three other people are going to ask for their own little dragons. And that's fine because you love dragons and they asked so nicely. You make those dragons but now there's seven people asking for their own dragons and you actually want to work on something other than dragons-- but you made those dragon doodles for those other people so wouldn't it be hypocritical to say no-

It becomes a spiral.

So to prevent that situation from happening, you need to respect your boundaries as an artist and what you will do and what you will draw the line at. If someone doesn't like you for that, they can unfollow.

In terms of posting regularly to sustain your audience, i've found that it helps but ultimately doesn't matter.

(this is a tumblr centric view, i cannot say the same for other platforms)

The way tumblr works resembles a massive recycling facility. You will see shit on your dash from 7 years ago but you dont mind, its how this place works.

It doesn't matter how often you post. You won't lose priority on people's dashboards if you don't make your daily art post. What matters is that you just make the post.

Each post you make is like sending out a bucket of chum into the grand ocean of tumblr. The more buckets of chum you have, the more likely you are to attract fish. The more you post the larger your radius is. The more variety you make in spreading out to different fandoms the wider your range is. And these spots of chum don't go away! They're permanent brown spots in a big blue wasteland and fish will stumble across it and then try to find the source.

Basically, you can disappear for an entire month and then suddenly return out of nowhere and shove 57 posts into a week and then disappear again and people will show up and stick around.

THis post is getting really long and there are probably some things im missing but my hadns are getting achy and i think that's my call to stop :p

if you have anymore questions tho im very willing to answer 👍

[sunnynoki]

We don’t talk a lot - We haven’t talked in probably about a year or so now, since I left the fandom space we met in. I’ve changed usernames since then - I went by Wheat on discord. Sorry I’ve been so distant. I never knew how to talk to you since it’s been a while.

Even still, I want to tell you that you were important to me, and still are. I wish we could talk more. I want to talk about your new interests. What are you into these days? I’ve been getting into some older games these days, but I’ve been missing pokemon a bit. I want to get back into it. Do you still draw Sky? I never asked you about them with as much detail as I wanted to. I was always worried about being too intrusive, but I regret that now. Your OCs are really imaginative. I know you’re into tensura now, right? Season 3 is coming out soon. I’m excited for that.

I want to get to know you again. I don’t know what happened with whatever you left behind, and I don’t know if this is a weird message to send, but you’re important to me and I want to let you know that you are. I wouldn’t be who I am if you weren’t there in the beginning. Thank you for being you.

i dont know how to talk either. every sentence i say either feels fake or self centered, selfish. and dont worry about being distant; it happens, especially when interests change. i dont blame you.

youre important to me too. i wish we could talk more. im not into much right now. i just feel empty. i gave up su/bmas, after everything. it was too much, not knowing who i could trust not to fucking ship them, or think its ok in any circumstance. yet sometimes i still crawl back to the tag, despite blocking it a while ago. i dont touch anything though, just look. it doesnt bring me joy anymore. i think im finally letting it go. i dont know how i feel about po/kemon yet. its kinda just. there. maybe im just feeling particularly apathetic right now.

i don't really draw anything right now. i dont know if i can go back. it was my only hobby, yet my therapist said that it wasnt enough, even when i was at my lowest. well, at the time. ive set a new low score at this point. i dont want to draw. i don't know what id draw. i dont think i can. my computer is kinda a no mans land at this point. i don't really touch it anymore. im glad you liked sky though. i never understood why she garnered so much attention. i could never write a good enough character for her. she was a mary sue in that way, with no real character flaws, let alone the... everything else. either way, like i said, im glad you liked her regardless. it means a lot. the attention i got because of her made me really happy.

like i said, im not really into anything right now, but i guess tensura would be regarded as an "interest." im... looking forward to season 3. i read one of the light novels thats going to be adapted a month or two back though, so i guess its gonna be a moment before i get to "new" content.

i dont know if theres anyone to get to know anymore. i was already in a depressive episode before this disaster, now i dont know if theres any going back, if theres any way to recover. it isnt a weird message to send, and its appreciated that you care for me but. im not sure if i can trust anyone again. im not sure if i can even trust myself. even in the aftermath, the people i thought i could trust either no longer talk to me or still interact with those who hurt me. i guess its selfish to ask them to cut off those friends too. but ive always been selfish. self centered. egotistical.

regardless, im glad i had some positive impact despite my mess of a personality. thank you for your words

[kaseyskat]

i've been making my name in the dndads fandom as the shenanigans king but i have to inform yall that im very much a hurt/comfort writer and i love angst and i went through the entire henry oak tag on ao3 and decided there was Not Enough henry angst fics so here is uhhh something? that i might continue in a longer form on ao3 someday

~

the second the blade touches henry’s back, things go wrong. 

there is a fog over lark’s mind. he doesn’t feel real anymore, even as sparrow – sweet, kind sparrow, who had chosen lark as he promised he’d do even though there is uncertainty in his eyes – sets up the scene, gives lark his opening. they had discussed this only briefly, but between the message spell lingering in his head and the anger burning beneath his skin, he knew that even without sparrow’s approval, he had to do this. 

it wouldn’t hurt. it was a small blade, a knife taken from the kitchen, just big enough to draw blood. release the doodler, a voice whispers in his head as he guides the knife to his father’s back, the mockery of an embrace haunting him and taunting him even despite the fury that fuels his actions. this is your destiny. 

he apologizes. of course he does; somewhere in the back of his head buried deep, deep down, he knows that this isn’t what he wants. however, unlike sparrow, lark is not built for compassion or love, and he feels nothing except for an unbridled sense of relief when he is allowed to bury the small knife between his father’s shoulders, mesmerized by the tear in henry’s clothing, the drops of blood that pool around the wound. 

and this is where things go wrong. 

sparrow, for all that he loves his brother, also carries a deep devotion to their father that lark will never reciprocate, and he frowns at the scene, at lark, before his eyes roll into the back of his head and he convulses with static, heaving. the same static burns in lark’s stomach, and he represses the feeling until he’s pulled away, satisfied with his work. 

the blade, however, does not stop moving. 

lark’s chest heaves with the effort of restraining himself, even as sparrow collapses to his knees. it burns– but all lark can do is stare as the knife rips down henry’s back, seeking the staticky curse that lives in him, carving a bright, bloody trail. 

henry wheezes. when lark finally steps away to kneel at his brother’s side, he can see what sparrow had first seen before the curse had overtaken him; the pain in their father’s eyes, even with the love, that stupid, unconditional love, filtering in over it. 

and then he, too, convulses, static pouring out of him like a fountain. he did it, lark realizes, and the relief washes over him again; finally, things can change. i’ve won. 

it is all lark has the chance to feel before the static overtakes him, and his vision blacks out. 

(in his unconscious state, he misses the way darryl carries him and sparrow both to their bedrooms, safe from the carnage lark has brought to them. 

in his unconscious state, he is unaware of the way his father's life drains out onto the floor, overtaken by black sludge and static as the knife carved a place for itself in his heart.

he cannot hear his mother crying, nor the way his father whispers to her: mi amor, mi vida, it will be alright. a placative lie; henry has always been the best at placative lies. 

he knows his father's friends, and he knows that they must try and save him- to no avail, because the afflicted wounds are fueled by magic, and it is too late, it is far too late.

as lark dreams of a darkened sun, his father dies in his mother's arms, and the doodler finally emerges.) 

[restinpeacesensei]

[this is a personal post. if you would like to talk about your own experience, please make your own post instead of replying to this one. thank you! i'd also prefer not to be analyzed or given advice, but, validation is welcome ;;]

this fandom WAS my youth... and akoya was the love of my youth....

when people talk about the wild things they did in their teens and 20s, the highs and lows, i relate to it, even though i never did any of it (and was never interested in any of it) "in reality".... the internet was how i found connection and felt like i was really living

the emotional high of reading responses to my personal art and feeling loved for the first time... the crushing lows of sharing something deeply personal to be met with silence or comments that felt violating, that felt like a kind of heartbreak over and over (although i fully understand i was never owed a response and that was the risk i took)... the nights and months i spent crying and didn't know how to make it stop, it felt like it wouldn't stop... and yet when the love came, it was a love i never knew in any other way and kept me chasing the highs over and over...

i want to talk, sometimes, about how it was hard for me... it was very hard and yet, i was choosing this. and it was a privilege i was able to do it, that i had the free time to devote my life to a fictional character (and it still is). i know that. and im grateful that ive been able to do what i wanted. im more grateful than anything else. but it was also very difficult because this was my only way of living in the world, to throw my deepest feelings out in front of strangers.

the walk-of-shame feeling every time i posted something slightly suggestive and came back to check the responses the next day, the feeling of being raw and exposed and all the eyes on me as i went through everything in front of everybody, feeling everyone looking and everyone laughing and being able to imagine too well what they'd say, the sense of being watched at all times that made me ill and yet i had to, i had to share because in some way it made me feel alive, like i was living the experiences i drew... it made me feel like i was living in the world...

i used to stay up very late, making my art (ive said this before but i was doing it full-time, often working 8-12 hours at a time).. then in the daytime i'd find out the response and fall asleep in the sun... i feel nostalgic for those afternoons now, sleeping in the sun... i don't miss the schedule, im much healthier now... but those moments when my feelings were heard and returned and all the hours i put into making something were worthwhile, and i'd crawl into the sunlit bed and fall asleep in relief, are dear to my heart now.

i would check messages and then go lie in bed by the window and reread them over and over... my bed was by a window then, and the sun would come in warm, and the relief of feeling seen and heard would wash over me and i would fall asleep, just thinking about the messages... reliving them in my head over and over...

...the feelings i had for akoya, i never felt for a real person, and it couldn't really work with a real person, because it only worked if he could be whatever i wanted, because i expressed myself through him and wanted to be with him at the same time... but what i felt was real... by drawing him, i felt like i was close to him... and also like i was able to exist in the world myself...

i couldn't say how i felt or even recognize it for nearly seven years, because i was afraid people would say things that made me uncomfortable, afraid of being teased, afraid people would push it too far, and it felt like the only way to avoid that was to not have the feelings, so i couldn't... i projected on him so much that i could almost convince myself that was all i wanted. i was afraid, also, that if i said it, i'd be separated from him... because i couldn't be him and want to be with him at the same time... but ultimately i had to accept it because i couldn't hold it back anymore...

...i hated myself so much, in the beginning, for loving him. for pouring all my energy into him, when i thought he would be mean to me, and probably hurt me... when i was supposed to be doing other things, "important" things, things that mattered in the "real" world, but never made me feel as alive as this. i kept trying to get away, desperately trying to get all my thoughts and feelings out so they would leave me alone and my life would go back to what i thought it was supposed to be... i felt like i had no control over it, this was all i wanted anymore. it felt like falling, it felt like weakness, it felt like shame.

but we became something else, didn't we? we made each other something different from how we started.

and if you asked me... if he asked me to, would i still go to his side... i still will feel my heart pulling me back, i still would want to be with him

i still will think about him, but i won't say it, if you ask me was i ever in love .......