#im not in the best place financially at all so im not really able to help so i though id try to spread it a bit

[jestroer]

Was watching Beef’s season 7 pov lately and when Beef and Wels were discussing how fluffy Wels’ bed was i had a very clear image of Wels all snuggled up in there. Knight’s well deserved rest

Also thought it would be fitting to plug Wels’ patreon as his family is having financial problems rn and it would be nice of you to help if you are able!

[4phr0d17e]

.

[celestialtarot11]

What do people underestimate about you when they meet you? 👀💐 PAC reading ☀️

Hi friends 💐☀️ it’s been a minute since I have made a post on here, but I am back! What do people underestimate about you when they meet you? Let me know below if it resonates with you, feel free to comment like and reblog ⬇️☺️

Pile 1: Hi there pile 1’s!☀️🧘‍♀️💐 I feel like people underestimate your intelligence when they meet you. I feel you are the kind of person who observes a lot and doesn’t say much, until its necessary. A lot of people hate on the quiet kids but they’re the most dangerous because they know everything 😂 thats the vibe I’m getting. You’re quick witted, you’re quick with your comebacks and people don’t expect that. People expect you to be quiet, small minded and naive. But then they have a deep conversation with you and all of a sudden its like, “i was wrong to assume that of my pile 1, damn” and it hits them! What you say resonates because its like you get to the root of the matter and pull it out. Like weeds. You pull the truth out and say it. You guys have a powerful throat chakra and it’s something to be proud of! You don’t like illusions, lies and dishonesty. You prefer honesty, openness, and integrity! And lots of people aren’t able to match that so they end up feeling attacked, which was never your intention. Thank you pile 1’s for coming by 💗 I hope this resonated with you!

Pile 2: Hi there pile 2’s! Welcome to your reading 💐🧘‍♀️😻 People underestimate your resilience and bravery. I feel that some people see you as someone who is incapable of fighting, standing up or defending yourself. But you are the opposite! And people don’t expect that. They underestimate your ability to take on a challenge. Especially if you’ve been through a lot in your childhood, I’m feeling like family members perceived you as weak, gullible and naive. But you got up and healed and it took a lot of time, and you are still healing, but here you are setting boundaries and putting your foot down. This is something people do not expect. But then again im hearing “what did you expect? Did you expect me to really sit and take your bullshit?” On point!! You guys are quick, to the point, and do not hesitate in saying no or setting boundaries. For a long time you struggled with speaking up and it still may be a thing, which is understandable, and now you are healing enough to say no. People also may not expect you to be financially well off is something I’m getting. Your efficiency at saving money is something people don’t expect, or your savvy mindset when it comes to making 💰! People underestimate your resilience and your ability to take on a challenge. A true phenix from the ashes 💗 thank you pile 2’s for coming by! I hope this resonated. Please like comment and reblog for the support 💐☀️

Pile 3: Hi there pile 3! 💃🏻 This ones gonna be interesting 😂 in the best way possible! I feel that people underestimate your ability to leave. To say goodbye. To end situations and walk away. And move to a better place than you were before. People think you’ll stay in the mud, but you are the kind of person where if it gets uncomfortable you have no problem taking yourself out the pot. If the situation isn’t working, remove yourself from the equation is what im understanding 😂 love it! You guys don’t hesitate in moving to where you need to be and where your soul calls you, and right away you’ll know if someone is meant for you, or situation. People underestimate your ability to create abundance and move into prosperous places, but you manifest fast-and you move on to where you need to be with little to no issue. I feel like you guys know how to pack it up and make your decision, and the other person is shocked you thought about this without them. And your response is something of “I wasn’t aware I needed you in the first place to make this choice” 😂💗 I love it! You guys really know how you make an entrance and say goodbye 😻 thats the vibe im getting. People underestimate your presence in their life. The absence is felt when you’re really gone. Thank you pile 3’s! Please feel free to like comment and reblog to help this blog grow ☀️💐💃🏻

Thank ya’ll so much for reading 💐💗 it meant a lot to me! Your support is greatly appreciated. Enjoy the Aries full moon 🧘‍♀️

Paid Readings ⬇️💅🏻

[wallterwall]

day 32

if you like my (cybrthrillz) content, please read this

tw for self harm and suicidal ideation

i want to take a break

this is not a victory or a win for anyone. if anything all of the harassment and relentless targeted hate has only made me even more motivated to make this little space ive created a more accepting place, and i will continue to be a voice of support for "weird and contradictory" queer identities because we all deserve to be happy and accepted

but, for a long time ive been putting myself in harms way, generally neglecting my own needs for the sake of other people, because i dont care about what happens to me as long as other people are happy and safe, and right now i dont think i can keep pushing myself like that anymore. im tired

i havent had a s/h problem since middle school but now those urges are resurfacing again when i thought id never have to deal with that again

i havent been able to relax or enjoy any of my time without having dreadful thoughts in the back of my mind

ill probably be changing things going forward too, or maybe things wont be changing at all. i dont know. i just know that i want to try and relax and watch those movies ive been meaning to watch and play more video games without feeling guilty that im not using my time for drawing.

the controversies have wounded me a lot but unfortunately regretevator is still my main hyperfixation so ill have trouble getting myself to draw anything else and i dont think i want to really avoid it. so ill still be drawing, but ill be drawing for myself without really worrying about posting schedules. ill still be active on discord, tumblr, instagram

im not going to kill myself today, nor am i going to in the future. because whether some people want to believe it or not, i know and my friends know that i always try my best to be a considerate and kind, overall good person. i know that i genuinely have positively impacted many people in life. i hope that ill be able to go back to regularly posting soon with a clearer state of mind because your support has genuinely improved my life both emotionally and financially, and i couldnt be more grateful.

but right now, its okay to be a little selfish for my sake. and i hope that you all can understand and be patient with me. thanks for stickin around

[vorenado-m]

happy disability pride month! please consider helping me take back my life as a disabled person!

the TL;DR is that for the last 3 months i have had an absolutely soul-sucking miserable minimum wage retail job that, due to the way scheduling works (and the app being broken as fuck) has prevented me from having access to literally any of the life-saving mental health/medical care i need as a disabled person.

my disability is best managed through a combination of medication, therapy, and casework-- not a single one of which i have had since march! :) contextually, up until i got this job, i took three daily medications and had casework once a week and therapy once or sometimes twice a week. these services are offered at an affordable cost to me through a local organization that is threatening to close my case due to lack of participation.

ill make another, more detailed post later with some of the services i can offer for money (i draw! i code! i write!) but until then here is a code you can scan if you have a few dollars to spare:

there are more details beneath the cut (idk about you guys but im kinda nosy so i wrote some more stuff in case anyone else is also nosy) but thats the gist of it. you can also always ask for details. i dont have a therapist right now so it might feel good to say things.

my plan is as follows: i would like to take the month of july more or less "off" from work to get my affairs in order, starting with scheduling appointments for therapy and casework and getting back on my meds. i am actively looking for a job, but i would like the ability to be somewhat picky instead of applying everywhere i think might have me for the sake of having money coming in to pay rent.

for the last two years i have made less than $800/mo and i can survive on roughly $600-$650 a month. my july rent ($550) is paid and my august rent (at least $500) is most likely also squared away, through a combination of some cash i was hoarding, a previous donation, my last expected paychecks from my current job, and my brother generously offering to cover whatever is left over. the extra $100ish is for roughly a months supply of the food that is part of my daily routine that i get cranky without (i have tea every morning, for instance.)

i have a fantastic roommate who is not struggling as much financially who will do everything in her power to make sure i have access to staple foods (rice, eggs, etc) so i really just need to buy the things only i consume (kimchi, milk, etc.) there is a food bank i go to, so i am not worried about food, but i can only go to it once per month. we have a barter system where i trade her the things i dont want from the food bank and she buys me things i will eat; alternatively, i sometimes give her things i get from the food bank (eg meat) that she turns into meals for both of us.

i live independently/"alone" with roommates and do not have support from my family pretty much at all. they have never been particularly useful for emotional support and have openly denied me financial support since i was a teenager. moving in with them/getting help from them/talking to them is not an option.

i have emailed my caseworker at the mental health organization i work with as well as my caseworker with the disability vocational program i work with to help me find a new job that is "back of house" and requires less customer interaction. i did this over the weekend, so i expect to hear back from them sometime this week. in the meantime, i am searching for jobs on my own in places like indeed, jobhat, careerbuilder, etc. as well as checking company websites of places like chain grocery stores to see what is available in my area.

my job pool is a bit limited due to the fact that i cannot drive (due to both my disability and the medication im supposed to be taking for it) but i am very well-versed at taking the bus, which is free. getting to and from work is not a concern for me; it is being able to do the job without being driven to the edge of a mental breakdown that is the problem.

the disability vocational program is my ticket out of poverty! last month i had a follow-up evaluation (i had to call out of work for it, but frankly i was at the end of my rope then too) where they approved my career goals as a web developer and we are in the process of deciding what my next steps are! the program will likely (depending on what route i take) help pay for vocational training, too, but i obviously have to pay rent while in training. which i think i can do if i have a job that doesnt make me want to die.

i have some other things that make my life a bit harder (im mixed race, i am nonbinary + gay, etc) but i would say those things dont really impact my ability to get a job as much as the disability does LOL which is why i did not feature them prominently in this post. like, the reason i cant get a job isnt because people dont want to hire me because i have blue hair and pronouns, its because im obviously disabled.

if you have any other questions, no matter how intrusive you think they might be, feel free to send a DM or an ask, and i will try to answer.

[seeminglydark]

good news! i finally got a job after being unemployed for a few years. it’ll be at least a year or two before i’m able to move out due to trying to pay off my credit card debt but i’m excited that i’ll be able to leave town and get away from unsupportive family. i’m trying to spend as little money as possible on entertainment stuff and i have a massive book collection that i’m excited to read and sell some of it i don’t feel like i need them anymore. you’re comics have been very helpful for me to be able to understand and express myself. it has given me a lot of joy since finding it especially after the loss of my cat a month ago.

any tips for a queer punk trying to escape and start over with no support system?

happy pride month! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

ANON! I'm so proud of you, thats incredible! i am wishing you all the best on your journey forward and out. it sounds to me like you already have a good handle on things, paying down your debt is a great place to start. depending on how much debt you have, (most of my advice is US based I'm afraid, since thats where i grew up as a poor lonely punk so hopefully it can help you, or someone else) you may be able to find a financial counselor or coach, (not adviser!) to help you get rid of some of it immediately. there are ways to 'challenge' things on your credit that have been there for a while, and many times the creditors will either drop it cuz they dont want to deal with paperwork, or reduce it to a much smaller payable sum because to them something is better than nothing. a lot of cities has free nonprofit programs to help with this, and other non profit organizations offer them as well depending on your community. This will also help improve and build your credit score cuz even a punk might need to buy a home or rent an apartment one day.

i know there is an allure to big name cities when you move, i lived in one myself while poor as dirt and it kinda sucked (Austin tx specifically) because it was so expensive. look into where you want to go before moving there, look at cost of living, and public transit, things like that. it looks like youre waiting a while before going, look into job transfers so you might not have to start completely fresh from the bottom.

thrift stores are great but they are getting more expensive by the year, but when youre a poor guy in a new place, dumpster diving might be an option. please dont ever get a mattress from a dumpster ok? bedbugs are a thing and often why those are thrown out, but other things like tables, chairs, shelves etc. check your local papers and neighborhood boards, sometimes hotels and such renovate and when they do they auction furniture off dirt cheap. Thanks Mr Marriott for furnishing my house for like 40 bucks in 2005!

When you move out, if you are still struggling financially, you can look into fixed rent apartments, you usually have to get on a list, but there are places out there to help you get on your feet. a REALLY good resource for many things if going to be your local library. librarians are like gods and they know SO MUCH that can help you.

speaking of libraries. you do deserve a little joy, i would think about perhaps getting a electronic reader, did you know that you can rent books and audio books from libraries with one? plus it reduces the bulk of books you may have to move later. i know the vibe is different from getting to touch the pages, but the pleasure of reading is still there. The library is also going to be a great place to meet people and find a circle of support and new friends. many of them have clubs and community activities ranging from book clubs to everything in between, you can even suggest a club yourself that they might consider hosting. don't deprive yourself of happiness, itll be helpful on the days when it gets hard to move forward.

its been a hot minute since i was alone and starting over, and things have changed a lot so im not completely sure all of this is still relevant, library is ALWAYS a good place to start. if my followers have any advice, please feel free to chime in the comments as well! im so proud of you anon, and keep us updated as life goes on. <3

[topaz-witch-tea]

ADKHWBGADWTAHDTAH THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING TO MY QUESTIONADHAHSMDWABDSABDW AHWDN sorry if im getting annoying HAHAAH

I'm curious about what Yanqing was like in his teenage years lol or like how was he as a student? or like any memories with his parents emememememe dbweuew sorry im not good at explaining

eat well

Hello!!!

No need to apologize, I enjoy getting asks! They really make my day!

I'll split them into two with Yanqing as a student and Yanqing as a teenager. I sprinkled in a little mention of his parents since I wasn't sure. Do feel free to send another ask if you want some more or something different!

Yanqing as a student

Yanqing is a great student both in terms of academics and Cloud Knight training.

For Academics, he's incredibly studious partially due to his perfectionist nature but also his parents' expectations. While their expectations are not incredibly high, they were not okay with him just barely passing. As he got older, he did not need to ask his parents for help as often, but if he did, he would usually only ask Dan Feng.

Yanqing excelled in his Cloud Knight and swordsmanship training. Jing Yuan and Jingliu personally took care of training him once he was able to lift a sword. While Jingliu was the stricter of the two, she still spoiled him a lot more than when she was teaching Jing Yuan. It was very obvious from an early age that Yanqing was a prodigy when it came to wielding a sword.

However, he was also expected to learn how to fight with other weapons. While the Cloud Knights have basic training in fighting with a variety of weapons, Yanqing was expected to have an advanced understanding of how to wield a bow and spear, courtesy of Dan Feng and Baiheng. (Thank you to @ladylucina28 for helping me come up with this) Yanqing did not enjoy it and quickly dropped it once his skills were deemed passable.

Yanqing as a teenager

He is still very close to his parents. If he finishes his training early, he would go to their place of work to hang out with them. Partially for the company and partially because they will feed him whatever he wants so he doesn't have to buy it. They also give him money if he begs enough so he has developed no sense of financial responsibility.

His best friends are Tingyun, Qingque, Sushang, and Qingni. He doesn't hang out with Qingni as much once she starts her training though. He also considers Bailu one of his best friends since he'll sneak into her office so she can heal him before Dan Feng finds out about his recent batch of injuries and sends him home with no training for a week.

Yanqing, when he enters his teen years, begins being sent out to the field. While his skill has out-classed his fellow knights for years, Jing Yuan could not bear sending his child out into danger. However, there came a time when it was obvious that if Yanqing was not sent out to the field of his own free will, he would sneak out and put himself in more danger.

Of course, he does have his streaks of hyper-independence which drives his fathers up the wall. He takes on incredibly risky missions and acts without care for his own well-being. He takes his oath as a Cloud Knight to defend the people very seriously, even at the cost of himself.

As he grows older and seeks to carve his own identity, he also starts to grow insecure about his standing compared to those around him. He starts to question himself as to who he is, and what makes him valuable to his family, and it is also when comments of him getting his position through nepotism start to affect him. His self-worth also starts to tank. (sorry for the angst 😅)

This starts to put him at odds with his family who don't really know how to understand it. They all grew up too fast due to the wars and as a result never really were teenagers. There was a point where it felt as if Yanqing was on an island of his own, distant and confused. It also greatly distressed his parents since Yanqing did not want to communicate to them what exactly he was feeling since he felt it would make him ungrateful for all the care they gave him.

They, of course, do overcome it and Yanqing slowly returns to being a lot happier.

I hope you like it!!! Please feel free to send me more asks!!!

[yanderehsr]

Hello! I hope im not late for he event ahaha, please forgive my bad english, its not my first language and congratulations on 1k! :D

My oc is called Atalai,Male, 23

Looks: He is a 7'2 male, with tan skin, long dark brown hair tied in a low pony tail and black eyes. He is muscular, has bull horns and tail and has a a scar running down his cheek and abother crossing his nose bridge.

Personality: He's outgoing and very kind, he is mostly friendly but he isn't naive. He is mostly calm and collected but sometimes he is quick to anger and isn't afraid of starting a fight, he likes to help people and doens't like to be fooled or tricked.

Backstory: He grew up as an orphan in Snezhnaya, and would take any job to survive, thanks to this he was able to travel other nations since young until two kind ladies took him in so he became some sort of famer assistant. he started to see them as his big sisters and he loves them a lot, being the two most important people in his life. As he grew older he started to be some type of traveler, doing any work in any nation to pay back his "Big Sisters" since he wants to give them a easier life. He learned how to fight thanks to the multiple robs he had to face at night, he uses a type of claymore that he can divide in two to turn it into dual swords, he does like the thrill of fight and hunt but he doesn't fight or hunt unless necessary.

For the yandere could i have either Zhongli, Lumine, ningguang, or Diluc please? Any of these four is fine :D

Thank you a lot and feel free to ignore if i broke any rules!

Sure, thanks for the request, Hope you'll enjoy😁

Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour, Kidnapping

Diluc: At first he is suspicious of Atalai, just like he is with anyone from Snezhnaya, it will take Diluc some time to trust him, let alone fall for him but when he falls, oh boy he falls hard, Snezhnaya doesn't deserve Atalai, his sisters doesn't deserve him, hell not even Diluc sees himself as worthy, but he sees himself as the only one that can protect him.

Diluc doesn't care how strong Atalai is, in the end he is mortal, and like any mortal he can die, so he needs to be shielded. Diluc isn't afraid of fighting him either if it's to kidnap him, sure Atalai may become a bit... burnt but Diluc doesn't mind.

"Stop being so stubborn, you are safer here then you ever was in Snezhnaya, so stop fighting it and accept that your place is by MY side"

Ningguang: She herself is from humble origins so she fells a bit connected with Atalai concerning that, but what she really falls for is his kindness as cheezy as that sounds, the fact that he can stay kind yet not naive is something she admires and she falls for, she wants him and what she wants, she gets.

Ningguang has an idea how to get him to come willingly with her, she wants to be the one in control of this relationship, at first Ningguang will try to buy him off, she can support his sisters financially, if he really wants whats best for them then he'll accept, if for some reason he refuses, well she isn't above threatening them, she has hired assassins and the second she gives the word they will die, she does all this so she can own Atalai, he is hers, he has no option in this.

"The clock is ticking, tell me your choice before I lose my patience, be mine and I'll make sure no harm comes to them"

[ge]

PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS AU🙏 😌

TEEHEE HEE ANYTHING FOR YOUUU its based on the bl cdrama winter begonia which i highly recommend watching so u can see my vision more clearly since idk how well ill be able to fully encapsulate it...its like the only cdrama ive actually finished and it holds a very dear place in my heart.. its all translated on youtube if ur interested (smile

this au takes place in 1930s shaanxi and follows chung myung, a semi-retired peking opera dan (an opera performer who takes on the roles of women in plays) who was once wildly famous and well known for his talent and passion for the arts in his youth until a tragic "accident" struck him and his former troupe, leaving his troupe to fall out of favour of the public eye and into (physical as well as financial) ruin; and tang bo, a wealthy business man from sichuan who became captivated w peking opera after watching a performance from chung myungs troupe for the first time and ends up making an acquaintanceship w chung myung and becomes the troupes main sponsor and avid supporter, helping them rebuild their huashan house as well as their former prominence and fame...

my au follows the show pretty closely and i was going to keep the political plot kind of vague since i wasnt sure how to touch on it but its a really integral part of the story so im keeping it in, the drama focusing closely on the preservation of the art during the japanese occupation......... not that im ever actually going to write anything for this au but still, it exists in my head and i need to connect the dots so

chung myung, as per always in my canon and aus, is a trans man here and that plays a pretty significant role in his life and lore of this au.. historically, women werent allowed to play in opera so men would take on the female (aka DAN) roles.. chung myung being a trans man playing a dan role is like, for him, a middle finger to the status quo and period typical transphobia he'd face if it were known as well as a spiteful internalized gesture OF 'if only you knew'.. the world would see him as a woman who isnt good enough despite him being the man who is the best.. rubs chin.. im not good w words, this makes way more sense in my head but if u get wat im trying to say then u get it..

they also all have short hair in this au SORRY i know i said i would never give them short hair in any aus i did but it has to be this way for this au, taking place during the chinese republican era where short hairstyles were mandated (this, again, ties into trans chung myung)

cheng fengtai and shang xirui are just so tangchung I CANT EXPLAIN IT YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW.. wealthy businessman whose had everything fed to him on a silver platter his whole life finds himself unhappy & wanting more from life and lonely orphan boy raised in a strict martial arts setting grows up to be the best at his craft but still wants for more.. cheng fengtai and shang xirui are soulmates.. tang bo and chung myung are soulmates.. can i make it anymore obvious..

everyone in rotmhs has an obvious counterpart in this au, like tangchung are the mcs of course but chung myungs troupe are the mt hua disciples/elders, the great sects/families (sans tang family, which is plot relevant) are involved in the opera scene in some way, the magyo are also an opera troupe in this au LOL..

but one thing i wanted desperately to keep in this au was tang bo and his wife/family/child, which is kind of hard to do since there are literally like no fucking women in rotmhs so i have to make ocs... the subplot in the drama of cft (tang bo) "cheating" (in quotations cuz they never actually crossed any lines but it was obvious there was deep unspoken romantic tension there + the wife suspected) on his wife w sxr (chung myung) is so vindicating to me.. closeted gay people cheating on their opposite sex arranged marriages/spouses for someone of the same sex.. its so real.. so freeing.. gay people trapped in straight marriages, especially in the 1930s.. i really adored the nuances in the way it was handled so beautifully in the drama so i HAD to adapt it here.. its such a guilty pleasure of mine weehehehe twirls hair

the drama ends in a bittersweet hopeful kind of way, nothing bad happens to anyone i just want to put that out there..in case ur worried, no buried gays or wateva

umm well im tired so i cant think of anythign else to say but if u love beautiful costumes, drama, heart aching romance.. IF U HAVE ANY SPECIFIC QUESTIONS JUST ASK CUZ IDK WAT ELSE TO SAY..... please watch winter begonia so we can frolic in the flower fields that are my winter begonia tangchung au...... plugging this again since who knows when yall'll see it again.. goo bye.... (chung myung in 'drunken concubine' play costume⬇️⬇️⬇️)

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Extended rant about being poor and disabled under the cut, not really worth reading I just needed to get it out.

Hope everyone’s having a decent day

Listen I’m disabled unemployable massively in debt and have exactly $0 in liquid funds and no sizable assets. Unless you count physical assets. Like I could sell my body I guess. Ugh. Anyway throwback to that one time like an hour ago when I at least had a iPad to use. It was from 2013 so I knew this day would come. Can’t believe it lasted this long. And I know I should be extremely grateful to even have a smartphone, but I cannot use my phone as a computer the way most people do. I cannot hold onto my phone that long. I can’t look at such a tiny screen that long. I can’t crane my neck down for that long. I can hold it up level to my eyes but I can’t hold my arm up that long either. It’s not practical or sustainable. Plus my smart phone won’t last forever. Then what will I do? Without access to the internet? Yeah yeah touch grass nobody had internet for millennia blah blah blah okay but now we do. Now it’s a basic necessity. You need internet to do pretty much anything adults need to do nowadays in order to be an active part of society. I agree it’s fucked up but it’s real. I cannot get to a library. I don’t have friends in walking distance (or any distance for that matter) I have no access to using the internet for more than a couple minutes at a time. Im writing this post in segments over the course of a whole day. I keep coming back to it because I can’t think about anything else. I legitimately don’t know how to remedy this situation.

Not that this is a remedy but I want to inflict suffering onto anyone that’s ever said money only causes problems or doesn’t buy happiness or the best things in life are free or any of that classist bullshit. Two hundred dollars is pocket change to so many people but a little refurbished tablet would change my life right now. I hope every billionaire lives long but suffers endlessly and unfathomably until they die.

Also I hope my dad and his wife are really enjoying their fully refurbished three story three bedroom two bathroom home complete with a sunroom a heated deck/screen porch (yes different from the sunroom) heated floors in every room a garage big enough for their two brand new cars a little Vespa & a whole workshop plus a cute little stone patio with a fucking water feature pond fountain thing that they don’t even see that much what with their practically monthly elaborate getaways and international vacations every year. Fuck I hope they are really fucking enjoying themselves. Meanwhile I have to decide if I want to cut back on food and medicine for a while to save up for a device I can access the internet on.

Anyway. Ignore this I’m just really fucking tired, sooooooo unbelievably fucking tired, of being poor and disabled. Big fucking deal I know I’m so far from the only one. I know I still have so much that some people don’t have. And I’m grateful. But…fucking hell. Poor and healthy would be fine. Poor and disabled but still employable would be fine. Disabled but financially stable would be fine. Disabled with adequate support systems would be fine. My piece of shit grandfather finally fucking off and dying and leaving me something to live on would be cool. I’d kill for any of these. But poor and disabled just feels like someone is beating the fuck out of me and every few minutes they stop for just long enough to help me up and let ms pull myself together and there’s a momentary glimmer of hope until they go right back to beating the fuck out of me. I feel like eventually I won’t be able to get up or pull myself together anymore. I don’t fucking know.

Anyway at least I have a place to stay!! At least I have something to eat!! I can make tea if I want!! My eyesight is going slowly enough that my glasses are still usable!! The fact that I even have glasses in the first place!! The fact that I have any clean water at all, even if it only stays hot for three minutes. I can still take a shower. I have books to read. There a lot of ways in which my body and mind have not yet let me down. Honestly how dare I complain about anything I guess??? I don’t fucking know how I’m supposed to feel

[limeade-l3sbian]

Dunno if it’s okay to sad rant here?

I have two cats, and while getting two wasn’t part of my initial plan, at the time when they were kittens, they were the last of their litter and separating felt wrong to me. I was also in a vastly different financial situation back then so it was not an issue at all. Even though getting two cats weren’t the plan, I can easily say they are both my most consistent boosts of happiness. I love them with all my heart. They have vastly different personalities and quirks and yet they are also both exceedingly funny and charming. Unfortunately one of the sisters have a poorer health than the other. Nothing fatal, thankfully. She simply needs foods and necessities that are more than twice as expensive as the other, to help her with this. With that it’s perfectly manageable and nothing that could endanger her.

My issues comes with my financial situation. It has changed drastically due to a lot of outside forces. And now i’m severely struggling with even just meeting the bills just for living where i am. What was previously more expensive for one cat is now an intense stress factor. I obviously can’t just stop giving her the things she needs. But I also can’t see a future with the way things are going.

So I’ve made the, to many probably, brutal decision to part ways with her. Within the next month or so Im gonna have to find her a new home, a place where I know for sure all her meets can be met without her new owner getting grey hairs over it. Obviously till then i’m still gonna live even more sparingly to meet them too for her. But I feel like such a sack of shit. I love her with all my heart and now I can’t even be her mom anymore. And she’s probably the one that’s most attached to my hip, so my heart is breaking even more both for her and myself. I fear she will have a horribly tough time adjusting to someone else and getting properly attached. She’s a lot more reserved towards strangers than her sister. I just want her to be happy. And I know in the long run I can’t fulfill that anymore, because eventually they will get old and will need much more frequent vet visits besides the yearly check up vaccine and tooth rinse. What if she develops more health issues, ones that are life or death situations? Then it won’t matter that I love her as much as I do, that won’t pay the vet bills. I stress constantly over this thought.

While I can intellectualize my decision to re-home her, I really do feel like I’m committing an immense betrayal.

First, I'm so sorry, anon. Growing up, I had to give up two different pets after we were too poor to take care of them. I know how painful it can be to become so close to a pet just to have to give them up.

But for your guilt, I think you should feel nothing close to a betrayal. The most compassionate thing you can do as an owner is realize when your situation cannot give them the life they need and make that hard decision. Does it hurt like hell? Does it feel like you are ruining their lives? Does it feel like you will never get over it? Oh god, yes. That's the worst part about a hard moment.

But ultimately, the long term of your decision will bear more fruits than keeping her and feeling shame when you cannot feed her or tend to her medical issues. You can absolutely feel sad and bad and everything in between. But just know that being able to realize what is best for something under your care is far stronger than it might feel in the moment. <3

[hausofmingi]

his good girl

pairing: song mingi x stripper reader

tags: stripper au, smut, series

warnings: stripper things (mentions of pole dancing, lap dances, getting tipped), alcohol, implied past sex mentioned, no actual smut (yet)

wc: 760

an: okay so this is my first time writing a series, so lmk if this au strikes your fancy. I am really inspired by movies like hustlers or magic mike for the vibes, but also kind of thinking of y/n as a harley quinn type, minus the crazy. think more the devotion and the obedience part. anyways im really excited for where this will go, because i think its going to be kind of long. Here is the prologue to start tho!!

minors dni!!! 18+ only plz!!!

prologue:

At 20 years old, you decided to move to Korea on your own. You tried college but it just didn’t seem like the place for you. Being a dance major at a state college was really hard and the politics never seemed to work in your favor. This decision didn’t come out of nowhere though, you had been a fan of kpop since you were 14 and had always admired the dancing and the hard work of the idols. But you knew that it wasn’t being an idol that you wanted, to be a backup dancer was the dream. And it felt within your reach, you had a lot of hip hop training under your belt and loved learning all of the dances. 

But it wasn’t that easy. Maybe moving to Korea without a job lined up wasn’t your best move. And doing it alone, also not awesome. You understand now why your mom cut you off financially, because it really brought your life into a completely different trajectory. Who knows if it was because you were American or you weren’t skinny enough or weren’t actually good enough, but you never made it past the first round of eliminations at auditions. You had picked up the language though, so that’s one good part? But the failures and lack of a job brought you to a place of desperation, it brought you to an illegal strip club in Gangnam, catering mostly to the rich. A friend of a friend whose couch you were sleeping on recommended you audition for the place. Yet another audition didn’t seem like something you wanted to do, but the friend said the owner was nice, didn’t try to hit on his dancers, and would hire you if you had any dance experience and an ass. So you went for it.

And that's where you are now, 4 years later, on the pole. And it really isn’t that bad. You were able to get your own place with that friend, Lina, and although its shitty, its yours. You’ve made a name for yourself at the club, being the only American, and the only one with a fat ass a great rack. Tips are amazing, and the sex is even better. The amount of idols cocks that you’ve sat on is too many to count, not to mention the female idols that you’ve fucked. But no one has ever made you feel the way he does. 

Song Mingi. Your most valued customer, and the one who you crave the most. He is also the only one who has yet to give it up to you. He never requests a private room, yet he always comes alone. But every Thursday night, there he is, at the table farthest to the left in the back. It’s like you can sense him when he walks in. Always in a full suit or business casual, as if he came from a meeting rather than a late night dance practice. All he does is lock eyes with you onstage and nod. He knows you will obey. The moment your stage set is over, you are strutting over to his table and giving him the slowest lap dance you can possibly give. He will never touch you unless you guide his hands to you, and then his hands stay on where your hips meet your thighs the rest of the time. When you are done, he tucks $500 into the front of your thigh high stocking or garter. But its the goodbye that makes you crave his touch and acceptance and dominance. Before you get up off his lap, he softly grabs the back of your head and tilts it back. You already know to open your mouth and stick your tongue out. Taking the last sip of his drink, an old fashioned, he tips it into your mouth and tells you to “Drink up, my good girl.” And every time you do. He always swipes his thumb across your bottom lip when you’re done, and then sucks the little bit that was left there into his own mouth. And then, he leaves.

Every Thursday without fail since he first came in about 6 months ago. And every Thursday you leave a wet spot on his lap even though he barely touches you. And every Thursday you anticipate his arrival, putting on your best little panties or your prettiest bra, doing your hair into a little bow in the back, knowing that he probably loves that. 

But this Thursday was different. Because this Thursday, he didn’t come.

[carrickbender]

7

1. I'm sitting here drinking coffee, but I should be doing chores. It's a nice day, bug wants to do stuff later, there's email to catch up on... so yeah, do weeks really end?

2. Friday night was fantastic: got off work, listened to my mothers epic complaining while I took the flat tire off of her old suv, lost my phone, took it to town to be fixed only to find my phone on the bumper(IT WENT 10 MILES ON THE BUMPER AT 65+ MPH TO TOWN!!!!! PRAISE ALL THE GODS IT STAYED!!!!), got the tire fixed and back on the car in a very bad spot, went home, buggy got sick and I had to clean up his #2 mess<poor guy>, and I slept on the couch because sleeping is awful in a bed anymore. Great start, huh?

3. My current shame storm is making a hurricane look like a passing shower. No matter what I do, what I accomplish, how hard I try, it's just not enough. It's a stupid thing, and no matter how much I try to do the affirmations, they aren't working. #backtosquareone

4. I have a drs appointment tomorrow, and I'm dreading it. I've gained 5 lbs(or so my messed up scale says), but my pants fit better, so I dunno. Plus, there's the pain in other places thanks to fluid build up. Just another fun thing that's happened since I had bypass surgery. #insulttoinjury

5. I think after a certain age you should be able to trade certain things that still work on your body for things that would be more useful. For example, I'd gladly trade my still working sex drive for the ability to thrive on 3-4 hours a night of sleep. That way I could trade one useless thing for a useful thing. Pardon me for being slightly bitter. Im just over it. To be honest I wish I was working the 60-70 hour a week schedule and going to school like I was before. At least then I wouldn't think about it as much. #thanksihateit

6. My former employer is having a big meeting w/investors and politicians on the 25th, and theres rumours it might start back up. So im sending the HR manager my updated resume, and starting the conversation about a shift supervisor position. To be honest, I'd kill for it, and it would keep me on career trajectory. Fingers crossed.... I love my new job but I can't afford to work there.

7. I'm sorry to be such a negative person but I'm kinda reaching a hard spot in my journey. I have no real time to stop and process because if I did I think it would derail part of the rebuilding process for my life I started a few years ago. Part of that rebuilding process was prioritizing financial security, so even considering all the other stuff has to take a backseat... but how to do it when you're a novice at self care and are trying to reprogram your already f'ed up brain is another thing entirely. Bono wrote it best in the song Cedars of Lebanon: "The worst of us are a long drawn out confession; The best of us are geniuses of compression.You say you're not going to leave the truth alone.I'm here 'cause I don't want to go home".

Thanks for letting me vent. This week will be better... I think. Much love!

[probablynotnothing]

This picture is from a book called "all along you were blooming" by morgan harper nichols.

its almost unbearably hard trying to be a human who is good, careful, smart, forward thinking, and doesnt harm others. i didnt experience pain like this when i was younger. i know now i dont use any substances at all it is also terrifying and frightening to experience emotions i prevented ever experiencing when i was younger. through numbing in many various ways. some of these emotions its not necessary for me to experience but i dont know yet which these are. so coming off the tail end of the season of pointing my anger against myself, i will use the last remains of this guilty desire to harm myself by experimenting with what does and doesnt help me in certain contexts.

It's so difficult to know myself and what works for me to do to feel better in different circumstances, since i relied on drugs, sex and food when younger in a way that I now associate with my downfalls and shame. Yes many things i did to cope and make myself feel better when younger had outcomes not in my best interest, but there was really magic in doing things by consulting my inner desire and enjoyment. i want to do that now and minimize harm (financial, health, relational) while also being compassionate to myself that my brain doesn't experience joy and rewards with the things that "it should" experience rewards with. I dont have patience, i dont like arts and crafts, I like hands on activities and exploring and learning, and thats ok.

I cant problem solve it and know all the answers right now regarding how to think about myself and life. i'm frustrated so many people know who they are and what theyre doing, and that they feel inherently rewarded doing the things that take me massive willpower to force myself to do. i feel betrayed that i don't enjoy doing much and certainly don't seem to enjoy anything "upright" and "productive".

i have so much debt and dont have any financial plans in place. i keep eating out because its the only way i can feel comfort and pleasure lately and i don't have the energy and patience to cook like i used to. i know my unhappiness directly relates to my job, and my job directly relates to my financial constraints. it seems like a self perpetuating cycle. Don't know the way out but im grateful to remember this is a major aspect of my unhappiness and anger, and I'm not just "broken". I'm experiencing appropriate human emotions for a human in my circumstances and history.

I force myself to go to these classes I dread each week because i tell myself if I don't I may be stuck in my exhausting dead end job forever and never get closer to my goals and just keep breaking down my body more with overworking myself in fast paced physical labor jobs. I'm experiencing the discomfort of something new yes- but I am also experiencing the discomfort of incompatibility and disagreement in philosophy (dog training), and a lack of inherent rewards. I'm trying to force myself to behave in a way I think I should to accomplish my goals, but doesnt the path my end goal need to be filled with things i find bearable and rewarding in order to confirm i'm on the path?

I keep on feeling like a ghost. winding up in situations where i dont want to be rude and infringe ("who am i to sidetrack this person's path"). while its important to be able to quietly peacefully depart paths and leave into the night, at some point i do need to also learn how to be honest about confusion, disagreements, etc. because i need compassion for myself, to be willing to take up room and help those who may not want to ask for help or admit they need help, and i need others to help me by giving me opportunities so i can selfishly have a job that is actually compatible with me and my inherent advantages/ strengths and disadvantages/weaknesses.

I need to recognize for myself the difference between sincerely liking someone and being compatible, and the difference of living in "customer service mode" and trying to be likable and peaceable with everyone.

When i survived when i was younger, and got out of homelessness, could i have accomplished it in ways that didnt involve gritting my teeth and forcing myself to "stick with the program"?

it feel like an overwhelming disaster to examine and sort through how my unhappiness relates to practical matters of the present or past memories, but its worth it for me to try to find my peace adn happiness, and try to get to the life i want to live, even when it feels impossible.

[aphmaurewrite]

Gene Scarletta [Rewrite Overview]

back to back characters im nervous/excited about posting wowie.

yall are very quickly gonna be able to fuckin pinpoint my favorite characters its not even funny LMAO

-He/Him [Cis]

-28 [March 29th]

-Indigenous Mexican

-Mixed [Witch/Human]

-Pansexual

The first child between his parents, Gene’s the only one between him and his brother to really properly remember his father, who left the growing family when both Gene and Dante were small. Despite how devastated he was, Gene took up the “man of the house” role, trying his best to help his mother raise his younger brother. Growing up in poverty with a single mother who worked two jobs, Gene felt trapped by the responsibilities that fell onto him, having to “grow up quickly” and mature faster than his peers, becoming more like a parent than an older brother to Dante.

As soon as he was old enough, Gene began working, trying his best to help his mother with the bills in the house. Because of all the stresses at home and his need to work, Gene would only make it into his junior year of high school before dropping out, having fallen too far behind. Dropping out caused a massive blow up between him and his mother, and while they would eventually move on from it, Gene felt burned and unwanted in his own home. This, alongside the resentment that had building up throughout the years, would culminate in Gene lashing out at others his age, making it difficult for him to make friends as well. Despite his stresses, Gene still managed to land himself into a more parental role once again with two underclassmen while he was still in high school - Zenix Anderson, a freshman, neurodivergent foster kid who was being bounced around from home to home, and Sasha Petrov, a sophomore who lived on her own after being kicked out her home. After dropping out, he continued to push the both of them to finish high school and to not end up like he did, and was basically the only adult in their corner providing for them both literally and figuratively.

Gene moved out at nineteen, not wanting to be a financial burden on his mother after Dante’s son, Dmitri, was born, alongside wanting to focus most of his attention on taking care of Zenix and Sasha so that they could focus on school instead of worrying about a place to stay. Sasha would officially move in during the summer between her junior and senior year, and Zenix would following halfway through his junior year. After the two of them officially graduated, the trio stuck together, with Gene eventually getting a job offer in Phoenix Drop that he’d take. It was through this job that he’d bump into a very closed off Zane, and while at first he was rather prickly, the two would eventually come to be good friends. Through their friendship, Gene learned about Zane’s financial situation - barely meeting ends meet - and as Sasha and Zenix were moving out on their together, Gene and Zane decided to move into together. 

Zane encouraged Gene to take a massive risk and quit his current job and take on a position as a DJ at a local dance club, and eventually he’d be offered his dream job - as the resident DJ and overall music coordinator for an exclusive nightclub nicknamed “The Underground.” Within just a few months, Zenix and Sasha would follow Gene’s footsteps, with Sasha being hired on as a bartender and Zenix as a watchdog. Despite now making enough to live on his own, Gene and Zane are still living together, as while financially they’re doing fine, both of their pasts seem to be knocking on their door. Not to mention, they haven’t quite worked out their rather... complicated relationship. 

[decompose1]

re: your post abt bottom surgery, that is super true and i agree, but bottom surgery (at least for trans women, and im talking abt a full vaginoplasty) requires like a full year of recovery, meaning they couldnt work for a year at least. there may be services to help fund the surgery itself but ive never seen anything abt helping trans ppl after the surgery, do you know of any resources like that? /nm /gen my wife has wanted bottom surgery for a while but it kind of seems like shes conceded that it wont really be possible :[ (also srry for the random anon i was gonna just reply to the post cuz we're mutuals but i got anxious)

Recovery is probably the WORST part of the financial burden and that's the bit i'm currently working out! I'm really lucky that i currently don't pay rent which is a funny thing to feel lucky about, i'm borderline homeless, but my game plan has been to get all the government benefits i can (like food stamps!) so i have some help, and file an extended leave form with work! Your work is required to let you take extended leave for a medical procedure without risk of job loss, legally.

Aside from that, it's gonna be TOUGH, but the plan is a lot of budgeting and asking for help. Any trans surgery- but especially bottom surgery- is a very "YOU WILL NEED TO ASK FOR HELP" thing, i'm afraid. Make a game plan for people who you know can help bring you food and medicine, who might be able to help you physically or with rides to the appointments, and preferably, if at all possible, people who could help you pay for food or rent. If this isn't possible, i would DEFINITELY check around to see if your city has any trans/queer centers/orgs. These sorts of places often have community funds, or can help get you in touch with fundraisers and/or help boost yours. THESE ARE VERY VALUABLE RESOURCES, SO DON'T BE AFRAID TO TALK TO THEM! Queer organizations in my area have helped so much with putting me in contact with people who could help me so i seriously recommend it. You WILL need to rely on friends and community a little (and family if possible, but i know that's not one i'm leaning on, so i don't assume everyone else can.). It sucks to feel like a mooch, but remember that when you're recovering from a big surgery like this, it's your turn to be one. You'll need help!

Fundraising and budgeting ahead of time is ALSO a massive help! I know it can suck loads and not everyone can be publicly out in their city, but i would recommend, if you can, sharing your fundraiser to LOCAL pages. You're more likely to get help from people in your direct community than strangers online (though you might also wanna share it to them too, for as wide of a net as you can!)

BEST OF LUCK, I'M WISHING YOU THE BEST! i'm sorry if this wasn't all that helpful :')