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Throughout leverage we see multiple different people driving the team/groups. Parker with the "I was taught to run from the cops", Sophie with the "taxi driver in Istanbul (citation needed)", Eliot with "I am getting us there in 5 minutes or less"... So what is your headcanon for how they decide who drives? Does Nate have a specific set of criteria where he picks who drives? Do they argue about who drives?
well, a lot of places they go, they need minimum two vehicles: hardison's van for tech (i think its only got two actual seats, though im sure people have had to sit in the back & get thrown around lol) and at least one car for other people/general driving. hardison tends to drive lucille so thats one down. if eliot's around to drive, he's probably driving the second car. if not, then nate, then sophie, then parker*. when hardison isn't driving lucille, he's probably as likely to drive as nate or sophie. and when tara's there, i doubt she has driving privileges lol.
in s1, i doubt they're carpooling much. like, they'd drive from their homes to the hq to the job themselves, and only go in the same car to do some quick task. later, they treat nate's apartment as home base and are frequently there for very little reason lmao, so thats when they actually have to plan more about who drives. obviously it heavily depends on how many cars are required and who's doing what. but. it seems like it's often nate driving with sophie as passenger, eliot driving himself or with parker as passenger, and hardison driving himself or with parker as passenger.
*detailed explanation of their individual driving under the cut:
parker is a genuinely great getaway driver, so her skills are useful in that type of situation... but i think 99% of the time, when they're not requiring a quick getaway, she is BANNED from driving. sophie even said so somewhere in s3, i dont remember exactly. canonically she can drive perfectly normally too (eg her driving with tara in the s2 finale) to be fair. she just doesnt want to lol. the stuff she has in her own car (both useful items and "decoration") is somewhat disturbing and very confusing. a lot of it is sharp. or a chemical hazard.
sophie drives sometimes but her driving can be... questionable, occasionally (ie big bang job). the (alleged) fact she learnt to drive from a taxi driver in istanbul seems to imply she didn't learnt to drive later than most, when she was traveling a lot? her attitude of "if i'm doing my job right, the mark just turns off the alarm for me" makes me think she'd apply the same logic here and would've done more hitchhiking & public transport than driving when she was first starting out, but over time got herself a car and learnt to drive because its kinda a safety thing in her line of work (need a getaway). all this to say, she can drive and she might have a nice car but its not her priority, you know?
nate drives sophie, some mix of her thinking its chivalrous and him having some ingrained ideas about male gender roles, but also just personal preferences. and a little bit because hes seen some of her questionable driving choices. once they're together, this changes to a more even split. also nate is def a backseat driver (like, regardless of who's driving/their skill level) and has been kicked out of a car at least once.
hardison is also mostly fine to drive or not drive like sophie. he'll bicker with eliot about who drives but mostly that's just an extension of their ongoing bickering saga. every time one of his lucilles gets exploded or whatever, he has a period of mourning and takes a couple weeks before he'll let other people drive the next incarnation of lucille - and to be fair thats usually because one of them was responsible for killing lucille.
eliot doesn't let other people drive his car (unless its absolutely necessary for a con - see: the boost job). he only begrudgingly lets people IN his car because SOMEONE spilled slushie all over it one time and yes he will continue to bring that up a decade later, hardison. i think being around the team has made him become one of those people who has strict rules for being in his car lol - no food/drink, no leaving anything in the car that doesnt have to be there. obviously the team break these rules all the time.
and the definition of what is a "necessity" and can therefore stay in the car is a BIG ongoing debate. some items of interest on the "necessity" list: gift wrapping paper, one (1) shiny thing, a gaming console, chloroform, a neatly packed bag of spare clothes, at least one dress hanging up with a dust cover, 3-5 CDs (which must be individually approved before being added to the car and only one of which can be christmas-related), spare reading glasses, cables that eliot annoyingly can't veto because he doesn't understand that stuff enough to argue, aluminium foil, and a pack of hair ties.
some things that have been BANNED: food & drink, glitter (there was an incident), nail polish (there was more than one incident), most tech stuff ("that's why you have lucille!"), secret money stashes, anything considered priceless by art experts, "surprises", and live animals.
i would love a road trip episode where most/all of them are taking turns driving and are stuck together in a vehicle for ages. also i now have the urge to go through the series and actually chart who drives.
lol thank you very much for the ask and ik the length is crazy but i hope this is a good answer haha.
#leverageposting#leverage#asks#parker leverage#sophie devereaux#nathan ford#alec hardison#eliot spencer#lucille leverage#sophie devereaux leverage#nate ford#wren speaks#leafthi3f#i think another interesting question is 'how many of them have legally acquired a driver's licence?'#bc at the very least i highly doubt parker or sophie did
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What a fucking bizarre listing of characters,
#saltie shush#everytime i do this it is a nightmare bc i like soo many things i dont wanna leave my favorite guys out#top row is always the five guys i have on ultimate rotation atm tho#im not sure what my choices this time say about me
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having a thought about eiffel where, like, despite being desperately alone and seemingly in charge of himself for most of it, his whole life just seems to have been guided by a series of choices-that-are-not-choices in any real sense of the word. be stuck where you are or join the air force out of high school. rot in prison or go to space and help your daughter. allow everyone and everything you love be destroyed by the very people you worked for or sacrifice your memories of everything you’re trying to save. even in plot, things are often just…..happening to him! pushed from one thing to another, no real agency. i think this is why i like the open choice he’s given at the end*: if his emotional ties are gone, if he really wanted, he could be someone else. live a different life. no pain. few regrets. but the hard thing to do is to go and be douglas f. eiffel. and is hard: his life was, well. an awful mess. it’s significant that he doesn’t have to do that, per se, but that it’s an active choice for him to make, should he choose it.
*it’s also interesting to note that on a meta level, that agency is also passed to us, as the audience, at the end. we’ve been through this whole journey with eiffel, and now he’s released from the grip of the narrative, so are we - we’re free to make our choices about what happens now. which ties it all in nicely, i think
#im sure this has been posted about a million times since 2017 but it's still fresh to me Please Bear With Me#i mean of course in my own interpretation i believe he /does/ make that choice to be himself again‚ for better or worse#and to me his intention to ‘set things right’ with (assumedly) kate and anne post memory wipe is significant.#both a hint in the direction he is taking and a huge character moment for someone seemingly allergic to responsibility#i really don’t agree with the take where he’s just ‘gone’. it’s a valid interpretation!#but it just doesn’t sit right with what the story seems to be saying for me. there's thematic consistency to him making that choice#there’s a lot more i could say about this but it’s all still largely incoherent and unformed and it would go on for way too long#i reaaally want to talk about lovelace too but i simply do not have the eloquence to really say what i want to say#w359#spoilers#doug eiffel#’another thought about eiffel’ like that isn’t my life nowadays. lmfao. kill me
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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i understand and appreciate the sentiment behind them but god, as someone in the process of getting an art degree and intending to pursue a career in art, those "don't get a job doing what you love because you'll start to hate it" posts are depressing
#im sure for lots of people monetizing their hobby/passion is not the right choice!!#that's good advice!!#but SOME people are happy with an artistic career?? right??#i know this is not at all the intent but it feels so often like they're telling me 'you should just give up now and get a boring job'#like i wanna do art for a living because there's nothing else i wanna do more!! i care about this!! so i want to do it all the time!!#and i mean who knows i don't know exactly what my plan is after school. having a non artistic day job is still on the table#and i'm aware of what those posts are really trying to say which is to protect your joy#and that will factor into whatever i end up deciding to do#but is it so bad to want to do the thing i love and make other people happy with it and get paid??#stars rambles#vent#i do hope it goes without saying when i vent about a post i saw on my dash but just in case:#if you're my mutual and you reblogged posts like this recently or anything this is not @ you and i am not mad <3
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doctor confirmed that 👉 this guy 👈 got pcos and i just got an implant to at the very least get my whacky periods under control and hopefully get them to stop entirely
#i also have thought about how i was cared for today#i go to a free place that has rotating doctors so i didnt see the same one that told me to get a ultrasound of my ovaries + blood test#previous one was a cis woman and she insisted me having multiple cysts on my ovary (that was double in size to the other one) wasnt enough#(for a pcos diagnosis) so she insisted i redo my blood test on the 2nd day of my period#which i didnt realise at the time is dumb as hell cause my periods are so chaotic im not even sure when they start and when they stop#the doc i saw today was a trans doctor (using iel in french! love to see it) and after i explained my situation was like#well theres no point to check your hormones here since we dont have a point of reference#and your ultrasound shows you have multiple cysts in your ovary so thats pcos#then explained to me what that does to your body & all that its not dangerous per say but its good to monitor and take hormones to help#and i said i was already considering the implant to stop my periods and they said that can be arranged today#told me the other alternatives and the risks associated with the implant but tbh my choice was already made#i mean of course idk how much cisness and transness has anything to do with this#but i had seen another cis doctor about my periods being whack when they started being whack#and he did an ultrasound saw nothing and was like “well nothing wrong with you” and that was the end of it#i definitely felt more comfortable and better cared for in the hands of a peer#(also i had to try three pharmacy to get the implant cause the other ones were out of it#walked way more today than planned but good day regardless!)
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Karen: LMAO every guy I meet reminds me of my big brothers that's so funny except if Paul is already my brother and you're also a brother that's a bit awkward, huh Hot bartender: THATS MOVING REALLY FAST AND I LIKE YOU AS A PERSON BUT - Karen: having my brothers date would be SO WEIRD Hot bartender: Well on the bright side I literally cannot speak more than five words to him so we aren't dating because he's so cute
(Everyone else: that is somehow the most depressing bright side we never want to hear)
#my characters#oops i fell in love#I just think its really funny how i view so many of the cast as either the only child or#somehow still the only child but with twin cousins that he grew up with somewhat like siblings but is older than them#and then THESE TWO LOSERS (beloveds) are definitely younger siblings#there is no way Karen developed her personality without the help of older brothers#there is also a very funny and agonizing thing where she is super single cause she can't view a guy as more than a brother#she meets an asshole and is like wow just getting huge brother vibes from him wtf#and meets the nicest man possible and is like HOW IS HE ALSO LIKE A BROTHER I WILL NEVER LOVE ROMANTICALLY#and she has all of the guy friends and its very clear if they were interested she has long since friendzoned them#but its fine because they all are also convinced that shes exactly what it would be like to have a brother#so its fine its all good no one really agonizes over not romancing her and she just as a found family in everyone#hi my name is salmon and you may recall my feheroes experience where i want to give a certain male all of the siblings#the sibling adopter extraordinaire ? yeah thats basically karen now that i think about it#you know one time at work at my first job there was a girl who had a crush on a guy and we all worked the same shift a lot#and one day she was whining because he was so friendly to me and he looks at the girl straight faced and says#ITS BROS BEFORE HOES aint that right and im like uh huh sure thats exactly right#and later i told him i really wanted to know where she went wrong because i had a crush on him in school until he opened his mouth#and hes like yeah sucks to wanna date me you made the right choice#and i just ..... will never forget that weird guy#he saw me in a hoodie once and goes NO WAY I HAVE THE SAME ONE and then makes sure he brings it in next time we work together to prove it#he was like an annoying younger brother to me and i thought it was very funny that apparently i too am a sibling to him#i might be adopted and i might be biased but i think everyone could use an adopted sibling that they dont live with#thats a special bond ok im just sayin#also sorry its so late tonight i had some uhhhhhh problems haha
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finally went and got my GED diploma a year after i graduated :)))))
#the check in woman was like 'come on you cant leave without saying bye first!' and iwas like nonononono please no#she made me go talk to the woman who single handedly delayed my graduated by 6 months.#who is annoying as fuck and super classist and pro college.#when she asked what i do for work i was like 'an educator' and she was like 'oh so you've used the free college credits to get your early#childhood education?' and i was like 'uhhh no. still just as against college as i was last year. i don't plan to be an educator for long.'#and she goes well what do you want to do (not your fucking business lady. at all.) and then when i said 'anything' bc real people don't hav#the choice of their dream job or nothing. real people have to just take whatever is available to them--esp in our dead town.#and she was like 'oh come on in during the summer! I'm here for summer school! can take a bunch of tests to find out what your dream job is#can figure out what colleges youd like!'#i was just like ''yeahhhhhh. anyway have a good day' and fucking left.#i was actually debating going to college just a month ago. for the first time in my life i was seriously debating college bc it was my#choice and n oone had been pushing college to me for years. and then she starts this bullshit and im even more anti college than i was in#highschool#anti college#college is a scam#not to mention 'come in during the summer to take completely unnecessary summer school after youve graduated with almost a perfect score'#???? seriously how entitled do you think you are to my time?#i have work this summer. i have plans this summer. and even if i didnt i sure as fuck wouldnt spend my time being preached at about how#im wasting my life and dooming myself to poverty bc i dont want to go 6 figures in debt#and lost 4+ years of time i could be earning wages.
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resisting the urge to go through the entire Alice in Borderland canon again just to write essay-length character analysis of the Arisu + Chishiya + Niragi dynamic
#i do not. have the time. im still saying im gonna write my own novel sometime and i should really get on that. HOWEVER.#there is something There that I can't quite put my finger on and it bothers me#yeah they're the same? but also not? Arisu's dad also fucks him over; worse in the manga than in the adap#and sure he's selfobsessed the way niragi and chishiya are. but he does not go to their lengths of (self?) destruction and im sure there's#SOMETHING im missing there. i'm just not sure WHAT. is it about choice?#is it about the way our circumstances influence but ultimately don't define us? then what the fuck is the point of Usagi#coming in to save him when the others never got that courtesy im. im not sure what my brain is trying to yell at me#looking at my blog you'd think this thing is the only show i watch but its very much not theyre just. stuck in my brain. goddamn#maybe ill just do Manga Them ive been saying i'll reread anyway
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Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...
They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.
I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...
If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.
#clover speaks#clover vents#its ok they said just do whats best for you they said#and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me#and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass#it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap#its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice#they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards#even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me#its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder#i get the look aways and the silence#they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to#i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE#FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON#IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS#i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what#im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose#as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot#fuck allistic people man#im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe...#im never safe i will never be safe#im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it#no matter what i do or how much i try to express it#i feel things i love people im not a robot#this hurts so much...#sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any#i dont want or need any more allistic judgement
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The funny thing about playing BG3 right after its release is like. Usually with RPGs I obsessively look up the dialogue for every interaction to make sure I choose the Right Thing but since this game just came out those kinds of guides just... don't exist yet. Like sure I can look up general walkthroughs for different quests, but there's not any articles detailing the approval/disapproval rating for every character on each individual dialogue option like there is for, say Dragon Age, so I'm having to actually fuck around and find out for once
#rambling#my urge to research all the dialogue choices before picking anything is bc of the autism im sure#when you live a life where its very difficult for you to know the right thing to say and you often get misinterpreted#its nice to have a break in a fantasy world where you can know exactly how youll be interpreted and be confident you chose Correctly#if these resources already existed for baldurs gate i would 100% be doing the same thing rn#(even tried a few times with no luck lol)#but since they dont... im actually like. playing the rpg as an rpg for once. and im having FUN with it too#figuring out my characters voice from the perspective of what they would say instead of the outcome i want them to get#making choices with the same knowledge they have about the situation instead of acting as some sort of omnipotent puppeteer#its funny that its taken me this long to just. play a game normally ahdjsksk. and really im doing it against my will. but i like it!#this is also the first time ive actually played something right after it came out#usually i end up waiting like months or years after the hype dies down before i get into it bc i just keep putting it off#playing a new game as it comes out without like a librarys worth of wiki articles to reference is an entirely new experience for me lol#who knew it could be fun?#(AN: the answer is Everyone Who Is Normal)
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VENTING IN TAGZ
#I made a new friend guys#she follows this acc actually#so hi#yk who u r#but anyway#I hope to be best friends with this person#and I want to be able#to be myself and say the things on my mind#without the fear of losing her like#Ive done many times before#because I always mess up#but I lost a friend of 4 years because I had apparently made them miserable#with all my stupid problems and#ig I just made bad choices#and now I realize I'm a danger to myself and others#when I'm very mentally unstable#and I'm not sure what to do anymore#guys#me#nobody will read this but#if u see this#new friend#to the question you asked me last night#that you told me to be honest about#the answer is no#And I'm very far from it#but I just cant admit that to you because im so scared to lose u#even tho we just now started talking#I care about you deeply#and I love u a lot
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I believe that IF Silver IS a descendent of Sonic/Shadow/Amy/anyone else, he's a descendent via adoption because the only Sonic character that I accept having kids is Vanilla.
honestly part of the reason im not a fan of the ideas of silver being a descendant of other characters we already know is because i just dont see why its necessary for them to be related ..? idk i just dont think anything that could be gained from him being shadows kid or sonics descendant or whatever is worth losing part of whats already compelling about silver and also making things super confusing. plus none of the pairings of already existing characters people have suggested as silvers bio parents make any sense, usually because its impossible from a timeline perspective but also because theyre always picking characters who would NOT have kids either in general or with the specific people theyre being paired with
#i also just kinda have a hard time imagining most sonic characters who arent already parents (so. most of them) wanting to be parents#it just does not feel right to me#i guess part of it could be an age thing . being a parent is an Adult thing and most sonic characters are not adults#so imagining them doings things that only adults do by in universe standards just feels strange and foreign to me#even though these scenarios would obviously take place a couple decades into the future#but also even when specifically thinking about it through the lens of ''would this character want to be a parent when theyre older''#the answer is usually no or idk#because there are a lot of characters where it just doesnt feel like it fits them?#sonic and rouge are a couple characters i can name off the top of my head who i know for sure would not have kids.#shadow im not so sure about either. yet he is the most common choice for silvers bio parent. pain#thing about shadow and silver is i think a timeline where shadow is actually around to meet little silver and is like#a mentor/older brother/guardian figure of sorts does kinda have potential to be interesting but i dont really want that to be made canon#but shadow straight up being his dad? idk man. not really into that. shadow being his biological dad? ABSOLUTELY not into that .#people having the present version of shadow whos a teenager barely older than silver being a dad to him?? weird as hell. no#asks#also part of what bugs me about the shadow as silvers dad stuff is people pretending its anything more than a baseless headcanon#like im not saying all headcanons have to have proof behind them but people act like the shadow as silvers dad thing#is an actual plausible theory that could be true and has tons of evidence? when it really doesnt ??#i feel the need to specify that im not trying to police what people do or aynthing just sharing my opinions
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someone was recommending an app for android and i asked if there was an ios equivalent and got the whole “apple sucks, just get an android” like…….buddy where am i getting this new phone from? are YOU gonna buy it for me? i’ve had one phone in my life that wasn’t second hand and that was my first flip phone. if my current phone died right now, i just wouldn’t have a phone until someone i know got a new one and was nice enough to give me their old one. are you expecting me to just turn down their offers until someone just gives me an android?
#i don’t get annoyed about it too often but my current phone is possibly the worst phone i’ve ever had#so like. i’m not just sitting here thinking hard about what phone to get next. i will take what i can get.#same with laptops. i haven’t had one in nearly two years and if someone offered me a mac i’d take it in an instant#no matter how much i’d prefer windows#like maybe consider that your phone-shopping experiences aren’t universal. i’d you don’t know an ios equivalent just say that#personal#sorry i’ve just had so many people criticise my phone recently with the whole tone of ‘get a new one’ and it’s getting to me#i’ve started just straight-up asking if they’ll buy me one to try to get the point across#but on this topic. hey does anyone have a phone or laptop they’re willing to give away 🙃#kinda annoyed at my sister who said the other week that she might get a new phone and could give me her old one#and a few days later i asked what kinda timeframe that would be and she got mad at me for being pushy about it#like ‘i was just considering it you can’t just expect it’ like wtf i was just asking. if it’s not gonna be soon just say it’s not soon yeesh#idk im just getting overwhelmed and annoyed at people being so presumptive and also demanding of what i should do#my phone has about 4gb of space i can actually use so i have to spend half my time swapping which apps i have installed#and i don’t have a laptop so it’s literally my only portable device of that kind#DO YOU THINK THIS IS A CHOICE THAT I HAVE MADE?#like can you think for maybe 2 seconds about why someone might have a phone that sucks#‘why dont you just—‘ MONEY. the answer is MONEY. why tf do you think i ‘dont just’#anyway. tips are enabled and i’m pretty sure my pypl is ashtonlove
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#my thing is always gonna be this#how are you upset with me because im trying to have a boundary???#how are you upset with ME that YOURE ALWAYS OVERSTEPPING MY BOUNDARIES#like yes i babysitter im a babysitter but you cant expect me to babysit just cause you need a babysitter!?? like what??!#“oh we needed to go to another church and the kids didnt wanna go” okay?? so you just dropped them off without saying anything to me??!#you didnt even ask if i could you just assumed i would cause im home??? like i dont deserve a moment???#like im not a parent#i dont have any kids and i definitely dont fucking plan on it so why tf do i feel like a single mother in my day to day??#why do i never have any free time to myself why is my free time volunteered to making sure children are supervised??!#“well since you decided this im just gonna come get the kids” yeah im within my fucking right so why are you phrasing it like im wrong#god ive never been this frustrated that im fucking crying like can i have some fuckinf breathing space AWAY from other ppls kids#blymi rants#update:: my sister did in fact come and get them#and told the kids “yall cant stay home cause auntie doesnt feel like watching yall”#definitely feels like shes putting the blame on me cool cool cool#just peachy.#love that for me lets make it MY fault whatever#god i really cannot catch a fucking break#and trust and believe im gonna have to hear some stupid ass better than thou speech about how i need to help out my sister#“because shes a student a mother AND working” as if any of those choices are my fucking concern yep wonderful#especially for a sister. that while i love her. feels entitled to peoples help because shes “going through so much”#and now i cant even fucking relax or draw or write because im so fucking pissed#which is why i wanted the afternoon to myself ANYWAYS so no matter what the fucking days a goddamn bust for me regardless
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I think one of the biggest things I want to break the cycle of if I'm ever able to have kids is religion tbh. like growing up my parents didn't really give me a choice of which religion I wanted to be a part of, if any, and when I expressed interest in studying religions from other cultures as a hobby they got freaked out and made me promise I'd "be careful not to fall away from the True Real Church" or whatever and like. idk I feel like a kid should be allowed to choose for themselves !? because religion is a big personal thing and so I think the reason it never clicked with me was because it was always something I was forced to do and believe. and idk if I ever have a kid I would want them to be able to explore the world around them and decide what they believe on their own, and have my support no matter what they choose
#re lrb#i mean there's also. the weird cult side of mormonism that also weirded me the fuck out from a young age#i remember distinctly this one time i had some concerns about how the church essentially brainwashes people and brought it up to my mom#and her answer was something like ''well yes that's true it wouldnt be good but in this case its the true church so its fine :)''#like. ma'am that was exactly the wrong thing to say to a kid who was an avid reader + already knew what mob mentality + blind following was#and idk. my parents have always said that ive always been someone to Question things. authority and rules and systems and all that#and theyve always warned me that it could get me in trouble if im not careful (which im sure it could)#but the way they always meant it was trouble with the church#and tbh im glad i grew up questioning all the things i was taught because i managed to get the hell outta dodge#and idk. i have a lot of trauma and baggage surrounding religion because of how i was raised practically in a cult#but if i ever have a kid i'd want them to be able to choose what they believe or if they dont believe at all#idk. i just wish i had a choice thst my family truly supported me in and so i want that for any kids i have.#anyway this is a long tag ramble but idk. i just got thinking.#winter speaks#personal#tw mormonism#tw religion
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