#im out for most of the day today
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VOTE PEARL FOR TUMBLR SEXYMAN!!!
#my art#pearlescentmoon#double life smp#mcyt sexyman#mcyt sexyman poll#if you see this pearl im sorry askdjlfafsd#this is like#the most sexy i have ever drawn#ALSO i heckin broke out the ipad for this lmao#i know i wouldnt be able to finish it on my laptop because#im out for most of the day today#which is why its also so rough#uh#i couldnt figure out how to fix the pen pressure on procreate#i also also on the bus ._.#it was fun tho!#also i dont really mind if pearl wins or not#this was kinda an excuse to draw a sexy XD#but man am i invested XD
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jamiazu / ashenviper week day 6: toxic yaoi overblot
SORRY it's very much a rushed mess especially in the lower half jdkslfjksd i was v busy today and trying to hurry to get something done for this before midnight [covers up the clock... i was close enough,,, it's still day 6 in some time zones jkfdlsjfs]
unfortunate that the overblots have so much going on and take me ten billion years to draw otherwise i think id like drawing them more bc they LOOK VERY COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ashenviper week 2024#twisted wonderland#twst#jamiazu#ashenviper#azul ashengrotto#jamil viper#cereal tries to draw#and boy did i try. JFKLDSJFLDSJG#i kinda shot myself in the foot deciding today on the day i STARTED WAY LATER#to be the day that i wanted to try shading in the tones lol#and then. picked the day i was doing stuff with a lot of dark black parts#with no color to balance out the similar tones jkLJFSDKLJFDKLJS#im not exactly good with tonal contrast and UNFORTUNATELY IT'S VERY APPARENT HERE TODAY SORRYYYYYYYYYYYY#whatever it's practice teehee. good enough is GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!#anyway i was gonna draw them looking more evil but i kinda ended up goin the route of like. evil while gay#as in kind of extremely obsessed w/each other in their toxic yaoi state idk#like i think if they overblot at the same time it woulda been over for us boys theyd be too strong#uniting the powers of hypnosis and blackmail and also the fine print. and gay. to take over the school and then probably the world#u probs gotta click full screen squint on this one bc if ucked it up stupid style theres too much dark lol#USUALLY I HAVE THE OPPOSITE PROBLEM I DONT GO DARK ENOUGH#[professor voice] youre kinda stuck in the midtones#well. this time i went mid/dark and forgot the light lol#if i had more time maybe i coulda done some like actual shading to round it out but I DONT WANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT'S LATE#AND IM SLEEEEPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#if drawing overblot details didnt kill me tho i think id like to draw them being overblot together more often lol i enjoy the concept#maybe if i can shorthand it or GO BACK TO MY BELOVED TINY GUYS#i spent the most time on this one of all the other drawings this week#tomorrow i do not anticipate ill spend as long on but#i was considerin the glomas outfits which are ALSO SCARY DETAILS AUGHHGHGH <- it's bc im bad at drawing. LOL
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baby pig at the beach 2 weeks ago. Cherish every moments 💙
#we're going to visit her at the hospital today !!#her condition is stable so we're almost out of the window where she would be showing signs for spinal necrosis (which is fatal)#thats the one that was concerning me the most so im rly relieved its going well#she doesnt rly want to eat tho...theyre thinking it might just be the pain meds making her nauseous but i think she also could be scared#so i hope that us visiting her will affirm we've not abandoned her T_T i wish i could stay with her every day#but yeah everything is looking good all things considered <3#frossworld#pochita
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Day 20: aaauughfgsgxgvnnfgjnd
#rambled in these tags sorry its been a long day#toontown corporate clash#pacesetter#graham ness payser#ok i said in my last post that todays was gonna be another prompt but i do not have the mental energy for that rn#like i stayed up all night even though i knew i had somewhere to be (i tried to sleep it didnt work my sleep cycle was fucked)#then i took a two or something hour nap cus i knew i would be out all day and then i was out and social for EIGHT HOURS#so yeah my brain is pretty fried from that#my shoes were really uncomfortable too and i was standing for most of it so uh oww#im doing alright btw this drawing is more of an exaggerated projection but i think i needed it right now#also fun fact most of the drawings on this account do have sketches made for them. this isn't one of them i wanted it to be a bit more jank#i need to sleep now bye jgsdkajgjk
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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#first pic is an updated/edited ver of smth older to match design changes#and orikan... i know it makes sense for necrontyr to be fully covered up but hes such a petty contrarian that i think it feels right-#for him to throw traditional covered up clothing out of the window after he sees that his generation will not die.#idk. was thinking about it a lot i have more to say but its probably not interesting#orikan the diviner#skitarii#iron hands#oc: pallarex#necrons#i have so much to say abt orikan man... so much to think abt so much to say. i love him. hes so...#also i just finished reading severed and it ruined my whole day i cant focus on anything noone told me it was gay FOR REAL#and its the most touching and heartwrenching love story ive ever read in my life and maybe one of my fav stories ive read full stop#fucking necrons man its too much. theyre so heartbreaking.#i will draw obyron sometime... i wanted to today but i slept all yesterday and a lot of today so im too sleepy to do anything except be sad#(over having read severed)#oc#wh40k#oc: R//mu-15
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no you know what? fuck you *untims your kons*
#is this anything#rimi talks#maybe this is about how most of the tag doesnt deserve kon 😩😩😩😩#but also MAN. today im gonna actually figure out how to start the oneshot rotating in my mind the past few days Or Else !!!!!#i gotta. i gotta!!! tim needs to get beat up so kon can be scary about it :)#we need more fics in the world about ttk being fucking op and im doing my part#lord. my memory is so bad. ''fuck you. *un[x]s your [y]s*'' is how the meme goes right
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.
#today has just been rough and i dont know why#im really lonely and sad#i tried to write some of my original novel and i hate the result#like i just wrote utter shit today and am feeling down about it#and also one of my best friends isnt talking to me much for a few months and i have no idea why#i think shes busy but she ignores my attempts to reach out a hand#and i miss her so much#im struggling with isolation too#i wfh which is great most of the time but also#idk i wish i saw people every day
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19.12.23, tuesday
0.5h of coding lol
wasn’t having the best day so decided to finally watch the barbie-movie (it’s on hbo rn) bc figured that could cheer me up
but bc the universe loves a good timing, on the grocery store trip after, some dudes came to me like ”which one of us would u fuck?” and that annoyed me way more than it should’ve. Like cmon, it’s 10pm at a grocery store; if you’re not cottage cheese or olive oil get tf out of my face
just a short evening walk bc it was windy and I was annoyed
#also the barbie-movie; it was fine#not my favorite but I didn’t think it’d be bc I don’t rly usually go for that genre#also at this point the hype had got to me so my expectations were very unfair#the set tho; it looked so good#I love how I planned that I’d be a machine now this week so could actually not stress during christmas but it’s looking out to be like one#of the most unproductive days I’ve had all autumn lol#i’m thinking if I should just call it and start the holidays now and just idk catch up on some of the days in between christmas & new years#and I do have 8 days after new years before other courses start#but idk if I do thay I might not rly be able to chill during christmas#like rn I’m thinking if I should bring my laptop with me just in case I could squeeze a couple hours here & there during the few days#which is not the thing to do obviously; like it’s 5 days I can be apart from my laptop for 5 days#but it feels like with the amount of stuff I’ve gotten done I rly couldn’t afford a 5 day break rn#idk I’ll figure it out I won’t bring a laptop just to haunt me#(I’m bad at fully relaxing; there’s always the ’’u could be doing something productive tho’’-voice)#(which I don’t listen but then I just get nothing done and also never rly relax which is good super good)#(can u tell im still annoyed at everything rn lol sorry for the tag rant)#december 2023#2023#today
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regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p
#i've been doing so so bad#and i've had breakdowns frequently this past week#and i dont have friends or family or a partner or even a therapist lmao#so im alone and thus only feeling worse and worse#my mom has been in an unusual bad mood lately so i havent been able to talk to her at all#but today she asked me to go to her to the store bc she wanted me to buy smth#and on the way we watched the snails and she found them cute (she has never appreciated snails before)#and now i instantly feel a bit better and a bit more normal after only 15 min of hanging out with her#it's so easy for ppl who have family or friends or a partner to judge and criticize me#but like.... u have ppl close to u and u know nothing abt what it feels like to be in my position#it's so condescending and lacking of compassion#i dont understand your pov either but at least im not TELLING YOU directly how much i judge you#like ppl judge me so hard for feeling miserable in my loneliness... but it's easy for u to say those things#like u dont feel my despairing loneliness bc u have a fkn partner. u have fkn friends. or a fkn family. easy for u to judge me from up ther#anyway im much better at being alone than most ppl bc im still alive and im enduring the pain every day#other ppl have ppl around them 💀 only others who are all alone can understand how much it hurts#and it wont be fixed by loving yourself or loving to be alone or whatever other bs they use to criticize u ._.#being alone IS harmful to your health. there are studies on it and im not just making that shit up#i AM allowed to feel pain bc i dont have anyone#ugh esp ppl w partners who can receive physical and romantic attention.... when they judge me.....#stfu forever u have no idea how i feel 💀 and u could never know simply by having had a partner at all...#but yeah. it bothers me too bc i NEVER see someone on here and go#damn i hate this sm i gotta let them know by sending them anons or vague post abt them#like i dont get up in their faces and tell them all my judgemental or bitter or hateful thoughts abt them#even this post is only bc other ppl have taken the liberty to without my consent or having asked tell me directly how pathetic i am#how im not allowed to feel alone. how i have a victim mentality so on and so forth#i never tell other ppl things like that. even if i think them (which honestly i rarely do unless they're extremely toxic TO other ppl) i wo#say shit abt it to them.... ??? like why?#when i sometimes see like ppl have friends on here or talk abt their partners i can feel bitter and jealous#bc im surrounded by seeing things i so deeply crave but im not a humanbeing worth of those things
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how are we doing today besties 🥰
#meg talks#took a day off and now i feel guilty about it 🧍♂️#so im trying to get the most out of today from the comfort of my bed <3
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punisher classic fan having a normal one on discord
#and my heaters replaced. also#spent the whole day outside this is my first time today on my laptop HELLO WORLD!!!!!#anyway. i dont even entirely believe in this. im sure you can read post 2000 comics and get good stuff out of it#i did! myself! i read max/post-max era comics and got good stuff out of them!#and also this is fueled by my.............. annoying habit of getting overly defensive over current favs#but yk. point stands. sort of#'frank is simply a horrible person' YEAH IN MOST WAYS BUT YOURE SAYING IT WRONGGGG#YOU JUST DONT GET IT
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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ok not to say i am necessarily ... writing again. (bc i do seem to still be surprising myself with how badly i dont want to write -- or more accurately, how absolutely meh i feel about it) but! i did pick up my docs for the sex intermediary fic to read through again and it was surprisingly enjoyable to sift through the down draft and go "oh wow okay, after guardian bingo i can do this a lot more effectively now" and scribble down a bunch more worldbuilding thoughts
#once again i cannot believe my crack turned serious pwp fic is going to be the fic ive done the most worldbuilding for in my entire life lol#slooooooooooooooooowly circling the idea of writing and prodding at it every so often#i feel weirdly unbalanced without having it there as a thing in the background that's always available to turn to#but also whew. between 520 day and guardian bingo and haiji day i did slightly Too Much Writing in the last 6mo#i was hoping i'd be back in a week or two but apparently not#thats ok im so patient and well-behaved !!!!#today i so bravely sat down to write during my lunch break and then realized i was doing this only out of habit#and determined i didnt actually want to write and then went and watched anime instead#its just! weird and kind of disorienting to do this so much for such a long period of time and then — suddenly not#hidey talks fic
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I'm being so serious rn if I ever talk about doing another fringe festival run in the next like 3 years at least send me to fucking therapy. It is a cry for help. This is bad for me.
#im over halfway at least. but fucking christ.#ive barely seen anyone i care about for weeks. im hardly sleeping. im in knee braces and im still in pain.#13 hours a day of people yelling at me. the busiest ive ever seen public transport. eating the most random sporadic shit.#no hobbies. very few friends or family. crying twice a day. i still havent been paid. binding!! binding 7am til midnight!!!! daily!!!!!#my whole body hurts im physically mentally emotionally exhausted im desperately lonely im not doing the things that make me feel fulfilled#when my loved ones are free im either working or passed out in pain and exhaustion#the boss is enabling all sorts of bullshit yet again#im not able to be a person anyone i care about deserves to know#and that makes me not want to know me either#that is at least when i have enough fractions of a spoon left to feel anything at all except upset or numb#i NEED this all to be over#my next free day is my sisters 21st birthday next month my fucking baby sister is turning 21 and i dont know what to get her#i dont have a brain im not being!! a person worth knowing!!!!#my gran fucking fell the other day she's hurt ive not visited her in ages bc of work and finance i want to see my wee gran i want#to buy her ice cream and tell her i love her#i had to clean up an old guy who smashed his face on the pavement today and im just putting That trauma off til at least mid September#my BEST FRIEND gets MARRIED next week#and i can barely think about it because im on empty#im on below empty#they deserve so much better from me#im out. im not doing this again. not like this.
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WAHHH good morning fwiends n’ happy sunday !! ( ྀི◞ ⸝⸝ ◟) & happy september 1st !! dis means dat spooky season is upon us !! what a wonderful time of tha year !! <3
i hope everyone has tha most wonderfulest day today, remember dat you are important n’ loved !! MWUUUAH !! <3 🍯
#ehe !! ouh what a wonderful season dat is comin’ closer !! ^_^#m’ favowite time of year <3 da rain… da cold weather… da gloomy sky !! kyaaa 🥺#m’ sho excited for tha leaves to be falling !! n’ halloween !! i will try to celebrate truly dis year !! >//<#m’ trying to figure out m’ costume n’ i think im going as hori from horimiya !! ( fank yous nia for da help !! i wuv you my pwecious :3 )#m’ special day is comin’ up soon enough too !! wont be postin’ or sayin tha date but !!#i fink m’ gonna get a kiri n’ kou cake for it !! 🥹#and !! speakin’ of kou !! IT IS HIS BIRTHDAY MONTH !! >//<#ouh ouh !! i cant wait to make his special day tha most wonderful of them all !! :3#i already have tha birthday commi for him !!#ive been silent about kou for a bit but its because m’ planning mwuehe !! ^_^#dont fink i forgot about my most pwecious bokuto !! nunu !! neva eva !! :p#i have work a lot for the next upcomin’ weeks but !! i wont let dat stop me !! :>#n’ how special it is dat i got kou’s birthday off work !! i can gush about him awlll day !! prepare for tha never ending gushiness !! >.<#plannin’ on responding to askies n’ posting more !! popping by some mooties ask boxies too !! 🥹 i missed all of yous !! <3#oki i will wrap dis yap up !! have tha bestest day today fwiends !!#I WUV YOU ALL !! MWUAH MWUAH !! <3 🍓#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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