#im planning a january trip with my friends

[fireflythecinnamonjollyrancher]

saw a poem about watching chaos unfold from the west and the final lime was "im so sorry for my part in it" and I think that finally broke me

It's MY money that I already don't have enough of that's forced out of my pocket that's funding death and torture thousands of miles away. I want that money back!!!! You didn't even ask you just took it and spent it somewhere I don't want it spent!!!! I don't think taxpayer dollars should ever be allowed to fund offensive attacks or the military. I want my money to go to my local libraries, food shelters, to low cost housing, to rescuing animals. But no. It's going to genocide right now and there's nothing I can do except scream and yell and donate what I can

[florida3exclamationpoints]

I'm gonna scream

[bisexual-bat]

chapter one

words: 637

christmas retreat but the snow said no

@equippedtolove @pumpkin-gizzards @zsrntyouil @theprongspotter @iamgayforyourmom1510

@residentdisaster @marylily-my-beloved @sspadfoot @im-just-here4853 @mae-occasionally-reads

@ashes-to-ashesxx @evansecho @im-ur-sleep-paralysis-demon @lonely-linn and anyone else who wants to read <3

“Oh my God, this is going to mess up the whole trip. The reservations are going to be given away. Wha…”

“Lily, honey, I need you to calm down,” stated Pandora.

“Yeah, Lills we could call the hotel and…”

“I TRIED THAT ALREADY THE PHONE LINES ARE DOWN,” Lily cut Marlene off.

                  Lily started pacing in the train car. The train car was forced to stop because of the blizzard. “Lily had been planning this trip since January and the three years the girls saved to afford it. They were going to a ski resort, and the night they were supposed to get there, Lily had made a reservation at a really fancy restaurant.

                  “well Lily I’m sure someone informed the people in the next town that the train isn’t coming in, that should include the resort and the restaurant right?” Dorcas, the voice of reason, says

                  “I suppose that could make sense, but the town is still like 5 hours away! We’re in the middle of nowhere!” Lily exclaimed.

                  “Lils lighten up a little, pls. Have some fun”

                  “Yeah, Mary’s right. So let’s go get some food, do some face masks, and watch Scream. I downloaded it,” said Marlene

Meanwhile with the boys…

“First Reggie and Pads don’t show up then the train gets stopped. Could this day get any wo…”

“DO NOT SAY THAT! You're going to make it worse,” yelled Peter.

“ Yeah, James. That’s like basic movie logic,” said Evan.

“We’re not in a movie, “ said Remus.

“Yet, what if we’re in a horror movie?” questioned Evan

“Yeah next going missing is gonna be Jamie,” said Barty

“Ok everyone needs to calm down. Reg and Pads literally texted you saying that they would meet us at the resort. It’s not like they were kidnapped,” reasoned Remus.

“You say that now Remus,” Evan said ominously.

“I hope you step on a Lego.”

“Woah there Mr. Moony who said friendly fire was allowed?”

“Friendly fire my fist up your ass.”

The two groups headed to the dinner car.  Besides the two groups of five, there was an elderly couple, named Euphemia and Fleamont. You could hear the chef shouting their names in a jolly manner. They seemed like good friends. They got blueberry pie and some hot chocolate.

The girls got a table together. Lily got a crepe with strawberries and Nutella and some hot cocoa, Pandora got a Caesar salad with some hot apple cider, and Mary got a cup of fruit salad, which was very beautifully made, with a bottle of Fanta. Marlene got some cheesy fries with a can of coke and Dorcas got a slice of apple pie with some hot apple cider, miss queen loves her apples.

The boys also got a table after having to push like three tables together.  James got a very special salad and pulled his homemade dressing out of his fanny pack, and he got water. Now on to Remus, he got the biggest slice of chocolate cake you have ever seen with a coffee with like five sugar cubes in it. Peter got a hamburger with nothing on it, the patty and the bun nothing else, and a hot coco. Now Barty got a sandwich with ketchup, mustard, and relish on some white bread with grape Fanta and Evan just ate some of the licorice he brought and got a bottle of root beer.  

“What is happening Siruis?”

“I don’t know Reggie but it should be fine. We’re going to be ok.”

“Put in your phone password,” a rough voice commanded, “and text anyone who would be worried about you. I will check and if you do anything else your brother here is getting shot in the knee.”

The girls went back to their car and started the face mask and watching Scream.

[clownmoontoon]

HELLO AGAIN FRIENDS \OUO/ ive been so sick for the latter half of january (had a cold which then turned into a frighteningly swollen face and throat, a trip to urgent care, and ultimately "infected lymph nodes" ...my body is dramatic 😭 ) it COMPLETELY bonked up my art n writing plans for this month!

PLUS I ENDED UP SPENDING MY BDAY IN BED MOSTLY 😭 (the 24th!!)

SO all the plans shall be moved to next month and onward and im calling january a practice- 2024 STARTS IN FEB LMAO

ive got so much stuff PLANNED i hope u guys look forward to it! >;o)

[eric-the-bmo]

Blood and Silicon ep19: A Few Stops Before We Go

[Summary: The boys prepare for the road trip to Chicago. Blake has a Moment, while Percy and Leo talk about religion and later fail with impulsivity.] @kentuckycaverats @sanguineasylum @zwoelffarben

CW: Self-harm, brief discussion of suicide (in terms of faking one's death) [yes ik this is a horror game, but im still putting those warnings here] ----

It's around 10:30pm; Blake asks Harrison for an extension of the trip, since Leo might need a while to process and grieve. He bargains for the extension to be a week, since he's had a wild month, and Harrison calls Leo over- Leo, who was busy writing in his notebook for planning what to bring on the trip, walks over, and they ask for his opinion. He agrees it's for the best (though in all honesty, he wouldn't have thought to ask for it by himself). Harrison says Leo's been trying hard; Just get it over with, then have a week to recuperate on the city outskirts. It's not good to linger in Chicago- don't come back there or deal with your mortal family once this is over.

They then discuss the way to fake his death via car crash. ["Well," Leo says. "Considering I have no experience faking my own death, I might need some assistance."] Both Blake and Percy aren't the most experienced with that though (Blake had simply gone missing), and they talk about getting a body double. Leo reveals he's got an eye tattoo on the back of his neck, and it turns out Blake knows some tattoo artists in Chicago (he might also be able to get into contact with someone who can help. Harrison asks if Leo had any issues in life others might know about- Leo admits he had gotten out of a bad relationship and can be kind of impulsive, so they settle on faking a suicide where he drives his car off into the water.

Circling back to the previous topic, Harrison says if they can't figure out how to get a body double in time... he gives them a number to call as a last resort, but if they call it the Camarilla might figure out they're there. Leo's expression changes as he realizes The Camarilla?? Runs his home city???? He takes out a cigarette.

Harrison drives off and Blake and Leo head over to Pauline to update her; she's not going with us, so we exchange goodbyes and "please be safe"s. She tells Leo that faking his death will be for the best, and that she and Blake will be there for him. They part ways; Leo makes a "see you next year" joke.

Blake calls a tired Wes and asks him to get a new phone for him, in the guise of him pretending to need to get a phone for a friend's Christmas gift. Wes agrees. Then Blake breaks his phone due to the whole "Hunters can track us" thing, and calls Nelida on Percy's phone. He tells her, in code, that there's Hunters around and to lay low for a while, stay out of downtown/their territory; she's incredibly confused at first and asks if he can visit later tonight to explain.

["Probably not. I got family to visit up in the warmer area for the holidays; You know how it is." "...What the hell are you talking about."] Blake says they can talk after New Years, and she says he better have a story for him when he gets back. They hang up.

Leo texts his sister that something came up with his plane ticket, so don't worry about picking up from O'Hare, but he'll make it to Christmas dinner. He waits a bit for a response (there isn't one, she's probably asleep), then follows suit in breaking his phone- but it takes him a few tries and he doesn't look cool at all while doing it.

Blake gets his bowie knife back from Leo, and the coterie gets taken back to their places to pack and prepare. Percy pays his rent for January early, packs some things, and thinks about getting another weapon. ["I've got a collapsible hatchet or acollapsible spear you can use," Blake offers. "Oh! That's rather funny, an ancestor of mine used to use spears." Percy says. "I'd be happy to take yours off your hands for a moment."] Leo packs some things as well, notably the presents and his vampire hunting kit- Upon a comment Leo makes about it, Blake is all "stakes don't have to be high-quality, you can also just use a chair-leg" (and Leo is offered by Percy to be taught how to do so). Percy asks if Leo knows how to use a gun- he doesn't, but reasons it'd be useful to learn, so it's agreed to teach him at some point during the roadtrip.

With everyone else taken care of, the coterie is driven to Buck's garage (a touchstone of Blake's) so our resident Gangrel can pack his things. Blake tells the others to not touch anything.

["You can look, you can maybe touch- But you don't take, and you don't leave." "I am not a petty thief, Blake," Percy states, "but of course." Blake looks at Leo- The Malkavian puts his hands in his pockets.]

Blake leaves the garage, puts his bike into a side garage, and heads off into a tunnel system to go back to his haven. -----

With the two other men by themself, Leo asks Percival about the Antediluvians. He learns they're the "apex of each clan," described by an anxious Percy, such as how Caine is the apex of all of them- and Leo, being an atheist, is thrown for a loop & is a bit incredulous over the statement that Cain from The Bible is the first vampire. Percy, in his own way, is all "well hey, we're vampires. Werewolves and warlocks exist. Why not stuff from the bible?" The prayer he did earlier is tied to his belief in Caine; upon Leo asking, he learns Percy was raised Protestant. He also learns Noddism is the study of this origin belief. [Percy: "Some people believe the wildest things [about Noddist lore]." Leo, deadpan: "Yeah, they sure do."]

Leo asks for tips on how to deal with the Camarilla. Percival advises to avoid interaction, and to not buy into any promises they'll try to make. Then Percy asks that if Leo's from Chicago, why didn't he know the Camarilla were there, or even what they are- didn't his sire tell him? Leo doesn't look at him, as always, and says there just wasn't time; He had to leave quickly.

Percy asks if Jeremiah has any affiliations with the Camarilla; Leo doesn't know, & says J might not talk to Percy even if he does manage to find him. The Ventrue says it's fine if Leo is hesitant to speak about his sire- it's fine to be suspicious of others, but don't be too closed off.

["You're never going to get far in this life by yourself." "...Well," Leo shifts his weight. "I'm sure I'll have company somehow."]

With the conversation dying out, Leo digs through his pockets for cigarettes and offers one to Percy. ----

Blake finally gets to his haven, activating one of those wall-mounted singing fish that's up near the entrance- Wes is startled awake from the couch and asks when the fuck Blake got that; about a week ago, Blake responds. He receives a new phone like he requested and fills Wes in on what's going on and what happened tonight as he packs some things- Wes is concerned about the hunters, and Blake implies it's been a while since he's dealt with them and trails off for a moment. Wes also has a fun reaction to finding out the fledgling Blake works with is from Chicago (and Wes says it's nice Blake is helping Leo out with the trip). They both tell each other to stay safe. Wes asks if he needs anything else, so Blake feeds on him a little bit before leaving. He pulls up his hat and hoodie as he leaves.

As Blake heads back through the tunnels, he can't help but think too much about everything going on; things are too similar. He feels almost sick, and leans against the wall with a mind swirling with repetitive memories and thoughts ("He's not here/It doesn't matter"). He activates his fangs and bites into his right arm, hard enough to get a point of aggravated damage. There's a moment of relief; not from the act or sensation of it, but because he did what needed to be done: punishment. He patches it up with a medkit, and makes his way back to the coterie.

---

Meanwhile, Percy is telling Leo that he personally doesn't view Caine as a God like the Church of Caine does. He recounts the story of Zillah to the Malkavian, citing that if Caine was a god, he would have known to not get tricked by the Crone. He belives Caine had this story written to have his childer remember the warnings against embracing for love- which are, as Percy states, that 1) Love withers upon the Embrace, and 2) There is an intrinsic horror in the bond. Leo briefly wonders if there were other loves Caine had, omitted from texts, or if she was the only one. The conversation circles back to Antedilvians as Percy briefly tells Leo a small handful of their supposed names; Saulot and Malkav, for instance. Leo goes back to the Zillah story and asks how Percy chooses to interpret the love withering; Percy states there's an imbalance between humans and Kindred.

["You have to find your own love afterwards." He's fiddling with his ring.]

Blake returns at this point, putting a fake license plate on his car, and leaves a note for Buck. He states he's heading out of town for a bit, so he borrowed some stuff, and he puts the note where he'd be able to see it.

The coterie packs their things into the jeep; Percy gets Kyra's spear as promised, and Leo is surprisingly gifted Kyra's pocket knife. Leo thanks him, but mentions he has no knife experience; he's a bit better with his fists, though, and Percy reveals he was a fairly popular boxer back when he was alive. Leo's a tad impressed. Blake presents Leo with three carved stakes for his hunting kit, and we all get into the car.

We head to a fitness center upon Percy's request, since he's at 3 Hunger, and he asks if anyone would like to come with- he's used to feeding with a pack. Leo offers to keep watch so Blake can stay with the car; he reassures the Gangrel that they can handle it (Percy adds it's a learning experience), and exits the car. Blake pulls Percy to the side before he heads off: ["Now as far as I know, just a heads up: I don't think your types usually hunts in packs."] Percy doesn't say anything about that. ----

Leo goes invisible to follow Percy as the two men eventually get past the front desk and into the gym's locker room; Percy's brought a gym bag as part of his cover. He waits until he finds a guy that matches his preferences (and Leo is impatiently wondering why he hasn't fed yet??)- and he finally finds one. He tells Leo to keep watch, and Leo confirms he heard this by tapping his shoulder. With a bad-ish roll, Percy's future victim sees him head towards his direction. Percy, who gained an extra Hunger along the way, acts as if he's going to open a locker nearby before grabbing him and starting to feed.

Leo soon realizes Percy isn't going to stop, though, and after a few fruitless efforts to get him to stop by tapping his shoulder, he decides the next best course of action is to punch him. Percy whirls around to look at him with frenzied eyes, absolutely more Beast than himself in this moment, and a part of Leo's brain absolutely panics; with a suddenly-awful headache he decks the Ventrue across the head. He does this again and Percy finally pulls away, regains himself, and apologizes for the slight frenzy. He sets his victim down on a bench, calls 911 with the guy's phone, and halfheartedly tosses it next to him. Leo has a million thoughts a minute running through his head over this whole thing, but stays relatively quiet. ["Don't linger on your feelings." Percy's trying to make his hair less disheveled. "You don't have to talk about it to me. Talk about it to Blake if it's going to bother you." Leo makes eye contact, staring daggers at him before looking away. "Let's just get out of here, yeah? We've been in here long enough." He turns invisible to sneak back out again.] ---

Blake is hanging up a call and sees them return: Percy is disheveled, and Leo looks shaken and kinda upset. He's tapping his fingers a lot. Blake asks what happened as the two of them get in the car, and Percy says they can talk while he drives. Blake is Concerned and turns on the car, muttering how he knew he had a bad feeling about letting those two head off, but nooo, no one listens to him.

[Percy finally speaks up. "If Mr Leo isn't going to tell you," He says, "I will for the sake of transparency. My Beast took the better of me; I took a little more tha-" "Ahbupbup- I thought we were gonna talk about it on the road!!" Blake peels out of the parking lot as Don't Fear the Reaper plays from the radio. "Let's make some headway!"]

Notes/Commentary:

WAgh ty Harrison for the extra week for Leo to grieve aaaugh

Leo canonically will Only use emojis if the person he's texting also uses them. His text to his sister had a little christmas tree emoji <3

We packed so much stuff....

LEO WITH GUN LEO WITH GUN HAPPENING SOON! Surely nothing bad will happen because of this. We're gonna get a Leo training montage probably /silly

BLAKE LORE??? CRUMBS OF BLAKE LORE???

I Cannot stress enough how good the tunnel/arm moment was. His player did an AMAZING job describing it all im Obsessed

Percy mispronounces Saulot since he's only ever read it btw, that's such a nice detail

Props to Percy for quoting the Book of Nod?? hello??

Love how Leo had a knife but decided to hit Percy instead. Ultimate Panic Mode said "taking out the knife is too many steps. Punch him" /lh

The locker room scene is also making me Insane btw, yall have no idea. There was also a huge vibe dissonance bc Life is a Highway was playing in the background.

Props to Leo for actively making eye contact, lets go king

This road trip is gonna be TENSE at first lmao, leo continues to go through The Horrors <3

[uyuforu]

https://www.tumblr.com/uyuforu/741652846415593472/wait-so-youre-not-planning-on-doing-anything-with?source=share

I read that post where someone asked about your fs and I am really invested in your story now. Do keep giving us updates!

Lol okay i see now! Before giving updates there are some stuff you should know to understand the situation today:

My FS is actually my TF, so it is not a "normal" connection in a way. It is meant for us to work on ourselves, realize our toxic patterns and be aware, and work on those. Of course being a TF is more than that, but it has helped me a lot on this.

Me and my TF have always been on a chaser-runner energy ever since we first separated. There were some quick moments of union but, there was always one running away from the other. At first, I was running. But ever since we got a huge fight in June 2023 (I was very triggered by his actions), I ran for the last time.

In Summer 2023, I realized how I was wrong in this situation, despite that we were both wrong. But I realized it first, and I started to work on myself. In September 2023, I had this urge to come to see him in his country. So I asked him to meet me in NYC. I didn't tell him that, but the reason for my trip was to see him and talk with him about what happened. I sent him a letter to tell him to contact me if he wanted to meet me there. He contacted me instantly when he received the letter.

But he was very cold and distant, he wanted to talk but he wasn't talkative, it felt weird, and I didn't want to force him into anything. He told me after some days, that he didn't think he could make it to NYC (it's not that far from where he lives compared to my country, and I thought meeting there could be a good thing since we both weren't living in NYC).

So I went to NYC alone (it was still amazing lol), I didn't want to force the conversation. The last words we spoke was when I told him I miss him, and he replied that he misses me too. And that's it!

Now am I abandoning my TF? Nah lol, but im in a phase of detachment right now. Ever since I came back to NYC, I didn't contact him. Because he is running right now. I chased when I was around NYC, and he was running, he was cold, distant, and he refused to meet me there. I was triggered by that at first, it's like a rejection. I got to realize now that it's fine. Im entering in a detachment phase since January. I am meditating a lot, doing shadow work, im focused on my job. It's not like I don't care, it's more me realizing the control I wanted to have on the connection to the divine . I have some message from him from time to time during the day, like I hear random messages. He tells me he misses me from time to time and that he loves me. Also I check on him with Tarot sometimes!

Also in the meantime, I learned a lot of stuff that he never told me before, so it changed a lot of stuff for me. It changed my perspective of the situation. And if he told me most of stuff, I would have been less triggered I think.

Being a runner taught me that chasing is also useless. Im in a phase of surrender right now :)

Also I have one friend around here who gets some message from him and they confirm most of stuff I see with my cards.

That's all for now lol!

- uyu

[potpiehead]

new years stuff

- doing zero sugar stating sometime in January - not a permanent thing, just 1 months as an experiment

- in terms of working out I want to focus more on running and stretching ^^ since my back is fucked up and weight lifting is questionable rn

- engage in my hobbies more, like sewing, cooking, baking, and jewelry at the expense of the time I spend on Instagram and tumblr

- irt to cooking and baking specifically I was thinking of doing something where I plan on trying like 4 new recipes per month as a way of teaching myself more skills. Im out of the stage of beginner cooking where I literally don't know how to do anything and I'm more at the point where I have basic knowledge of how to do things but my actual skills need honing

- try to register for college algebra and maybe another jewelry class. I want to take stonesetting or the jewelry drawing class or the 3d design

- read more ^^ I have a small list of books I want to read and I just bought one today

- plan more trips. One of my coworkers invited me to go on a not yet planned road trip with him and I want to do more solo travelling because I'm having fun so far. and more trips with my friends of course

- maybe try to get more sleep but that's kind of the sacrifice I make for everything else lol

[ocean-anchored]

Continued still.. December 3, 2023

Monday night I went to the Knights & flames game with Shane, he got really great tickets & I got to wear my jersey. It was a nice evening, he was good & I had asked him before not to ask me if Im ok at any point to trigger my emotional mess. Chrystal was gone the week so I was going into okotoks everyday to cover. Tuesday I originally didn't have plans but then Connor asked to hang out after work. Went for Taco tuesday which was nice then back to his place. I ended up staying the night, I felt like he wanted me to stay but idk, I still can't get a read on him. Part of me just thinks we're kind of doing the same thing to each other. I mean I know i'm not really going out of my way to ask him or make plans but his texting just sucks that I can't read if he wants to or not. Like its hard to keep any convo up over text & maybe he's just like that, I understand his work is a lot so keeping that up is tough, but then after we talked about how I might not be doing a roadtrip in January it died off & he didn't reply so whatever. I mean he has asked to hang out so I assume, & he does ask me to stay so maybe? But to what benefit? Idk. I do enjoy his company though. Wednesday I went for dinner with Ed & Mariana a founder of ours from Mexico city. Ill have to write another time on how I had planned to do a road trip down to the states or mexico for a few weeks but I dont think it's going to work out in January so I'll talk about it later for now. Went to Charbar which was really great, nice environment & cool, really great food. Thursday I finally had a night to myself, I was pretty tired from the week & had a lot this weekend so I chilled & gamed for a bit, took it easy. Friday had lunch with Ed, again I might talk about that later but I'm still really blessed to be working with him. Friday night was my ugly christmas sweater games night which I think turned out really well! 9 people including me, jeremiah brought his friend Dan, steven, amanda, shane who came 2 hours late... that was another whole other story of annoyance & triggering for me, Kamber, amber & naythan. It was fun, started around 6/6:30 & everyone stayed till like midnight so it was a lot of fun. Saturday I chilled for day, Marc forgot about our facetime which sucks but whatever. Was supposed to go to anneriekes to decorate the tree but didn't want to be around that environment again which I think I forgot to mention anyways that I went for dinner two weeks ago & it was just a lot to take in & I'm tired of talking about Steve. Anyway I went to amber & naythans instead with nova, nova did so good with Rue, it was honestly so sweet watching nova play again & be so gentle with her, made me so happy. We played catan & had a really great night. Amber also got me the exit game advent calendar that were all in a challenge together, like 4 of us couples minus mine of course & that's super fun so far, proud that I've solved the first two alone with no hints! Anyways, love those people so much. Today, sunday, went to 8:30am service which was so good again. I really love this church I think & want to stay in it. Its so lively & actually makes me want to lean into God when I leave & "sets my heart on fire" again feeling. Went to brunch with Daniel at Diner Deluxe which was great again, he's a good guy. Hes really smart & very... aware. Its a breath of fresh air & its really nice to be able to talk to someone emotionally on the same page especially about relationships & the struggles. Then mom surprised me at being at my house after so we could go for a walk & we had some good conversation. Then went to a movie with steven & amanda which was good so im finally relaxing now winding down for bed. This week will be busy again & the weekend but then it get's quiet which I think Im finally looking forward too.

[presidentkamala]

Ok 2022 wrap up. First the good:

* killed it at work and on schedule for a huge jump in salary in january 2023

* finally let go of the worst years of my life by *gasp* leaning in2 and committing to my present self???

*moved to a banging new apartment WITH kitchen island

*volunteered for midterm campaigns

*went to chicago, cincinnati, honolulu and st. louis

*READ like 80% more this year than last year (the bar was the like 2 books i picked at and didnt finish last year but still improvement)

*more consistent with skincare routine

*hit 50k in my one savings acct in accordance w financial goals

THE BAD:

*didnt learn a new language, instrument, to code, pottery, or anything. Was grinding at work and not much else

*health took a backseat: too much doordash no fitness plan or even much activity

*didnt make any new friends

*stagnated in other areas. No volunteering for causes i care abt or even at community garden. mUST CHANGE THIS IN 2023

*struggled to stay consistent with much of anything. Scatterbrained for most of the year

THE UGLY:

*lost all muscle tone due to nothing other than lack of care

*no motivation. No real direction. No real sense or vision of the future i want and am working towards. No effort in the places where it counted

*phone and screen addiction. BIG TIME. losing hrs to this that i should be using to get out there and meet ppl and actually improve my quality of life LOL.

*deep-seated suspicion that im not well-liked at work bore out late this year. Not super pleased since that's been my main focus. Probably connected to this other stuff.

*loss of basic intellectual curiosity. In complete survival mode for the first 8 months of the year. Self is almost unrecognizable in many ways.

THE RESOLUTIONS:

I've spent the month of december devoting myself to prepping for the big three resolutions that i feel will have the biggest impact on my immediate health and wellbeing. I did a recipe plan for every day of december and gave myself a zero doordash/restaurant rule but no other real restrictions on what recipes i make and that's gone super well in terms of re-integrating cooking regularly back into my life and even enjoying it! I think in february im going to start paying more attention to making sure im incorporating the plate method to ensure im getting the right proportion of protein veg and carbs into my diet but for now its all about finding recipes that taste good and that i can sustainably replicate etc. I've been doing a lot to make sure im brushing my teeth and doing my skincare routine at least every morning so im going to start bumping up my evening care in January as well. I also downloaded the none2run app to get me up to a 5k which at least lays out the calendar of what i need to do and im on week 2?? I think of the beginner exercises before starting the runs in earnest. I've deep cleaned my apartment and kitchen and have been regularly washing my clothes and doing the dishes instead of letting it all pile up. All of these changes in routine have been gradual over the last 5 weeks or so but its already paying dividends and i love the idea of prepping for resolutions and planning them out so i don't lose track as the year progresses:

*Journal at least once a week (minimum 52 entries by this time next year)

*Develop nourishing recipes you actually enjoy and can replicate. Limit restaurants to once a week (non-holiday) or 3 times a week (with holidays)

*complete none2run 5k.

*sign back up for barre classes at least once a week (non-travel)

*on work travel, complete youtube pilates vid at least twice a week

*this is the year to tackle skin texture and pores. Set up derm appt in January

*complete liftoff program for beginner weightlifting beginning in June.

*volunteer for minimum 2 hrs each week. For anything.

*volunteer for dems at least once this year.

*SEE A FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST

*take one extra-curricular class

*check in quarterly on goals

*take one international trip

2023: We are being specific and intentional!!!!!

[imovyn]

ok here’s how 2023 is gonna go bc i’m trying to look forward to the future and all that

january: find out if i made it into the college im wanting to go to! if not i have a backup

february: my uncle is getting married? maybe? anyway giant party in la w family

march: finish my ib/ap art portfolio! art trip to chicago w my fellow art students!!!

april: idk whatever we’re doing for spring break usually go to a neighboring state

may: graduate high school! cry about it a lot probably. go on a road trip w my best friends!! to like moab or smthn

june: my last girls camp! maybe annual trip to oregon sometime during the summer?

july: trip to japan w my family!! my first time out the us!

august: maybe going on a camping trip w some of the other teenagers in my neighborhood? start college and move out! planning on majoring in illustration w minor in animation

september: crushing weight of adulthood probably

october: turn 19! sounds like a fake age but ok

november: find a gf pls

december: return home for the holidays (lol i’m prob gonna be home almost every weekend i’m not going far) and realize i don’t live w my parents anymore. cry some more

[iamthekarmapolice]

ok so there’s a weird friend situation im in that i wouldn’t mind getting some advice on

i have a friend from school that i used to be very close to. we stayed in touch through college even though we had drifted apart by then. ive always enjoyed spending time with her, but she has a lot more friends than i do, and since we’re not that close anymore, im not really a priority

she’s been working abroad for the past few years so i only see her when she’s in town. we tried to meet up in January this year, but it just never seemed to work out, and it felt like was always cancelling if we ever managed to make plans. i got pretty annoyed and felt like i was making all the effort to keep our friendship going, so i basically stopped trying to make it happened

she’s in town again and this time she reached out to me first. but again when it comes to finding a time to meet up, i feel like im making all the compromises again. im free most weekends, but she’s always had plans. she’s leaving this weekend, so i said i could do lunch early this week, since i can get away from work at the time. she said she would let me know what day works for her, and then just hasn’t texted. I really can only do lunch on Monday, Tuesday and, at a stretch Thursday, but it’s already Monday, so lunch is out

If she flakes out on tomorrow, should I tell her that I can do Thursday? I could make the time, but it feels again like I’m the one doing all the adjusting, and I hate that feeling, and this would be the third time this trip that she flaked. But on the other hand, if i don’t am I just letting my pride and ego get in the way of a friendship? Really don’t know what to do

[aj-theteenagecondition]

the teenage condition-chapter 1

(none of this is proof-read, read or do not idc)

ive got this nervous feeling about starting something new. i haven't felt really anomymous and simultaneosly been interacting online in forever, not since i was too young to reasonably be a functioning part or a contributer to the internet. before i was old enough to have my own accounts with my own name and age and personality, i still snooped and lurked around the web, but i wouldn't dare post something. i felt guilty, afraid, that oh god oh no, someone (my mom probably) would find that i watched unreasonable amounts of youtube when i said i was asleep, or read copious amounts fanfiction for a fandom mostly written about by 12 year olds and therefore, was quite shit. but im just writing, because my brain feels like it has to, and writing on paper can get a bit slow, and im terrible at keeping a good accurate journal (for fear that someone i know will read it and finally see me or understand something critical and embarrasing about me). i was going to start an angsty teen journal in a black moleskin notebook, but i felt guilty that i had too many notebooks i gave up on halfway through.

its raining like the worlds ending where i live, which is to be expected in january. i hate winter. i understand that people love the snow and rain and wearing their earmuffs and cute outfits, and ice skating, and skiing and snowboarding, etc etc. but my room is cold and my feet are cold and my hands are cold and my school is flooding and waking up in the dark makes me want to die. im not really looking forward to getting life back on a schedule and going back to school. i go to a good school, i have plenty of friends, ive never fallen too behind. things are fine. but also: things are suffocating. so many people who i've known for literally my entire life. and my same friends talking about surface level topics. sometimes i wonder if we really know eachother at all. and other times i love them so much that everyone around us pales in comparison. lately (for the last year) i've felt like i need a closer friendship, i need an outlet, i need a confidant, and even though i have known them for like 10 years, i don't feel like i've ever had that. i dont think i've ever had that with anyone at all. probably a bit of me problem.

i was on a long trip with my family over winter break and started having quite bad anxiety. to get through it, of course a good distraction would do me some good. and what better distraction than reading one of the most famous fanfics that the internet seems to have been absolutely raving about: All The Young Dudes. i finished it this morning. ok actually this afternoon. mostly what i would like to say is: fucking ouch guys. i didnt actually have that much of an interest in the fandom (definetly not planning on reading anything else about it or interacting or writing), to be honest i wanted to see what all the fuss was about. now that i've actually read it all those "anything for our moony" audios on tiktok from like over a year or two ago really pack a punch. my thoughts: the beginning was very slow, but that definetley made the rest of it more impactful; sirius and remus's relationship is actually pretty toxic, but it was delightful to read; i struggled to get through any chapter after they left school, i predicted that it was going to hurt and boy howdy did it. i get it a little but also so much of it was so sad and so much of it was all unprocessed trauma and unresolved conversation and arguments, which sort of pissed me off.

not to say that it wasnt beautiful and also helpful. things i was reminded about myself through reading atyd: my friends dont know to much about like the vulnerable parts of me but its probably because I AM bad at communicating and being open; i do not like unresolved convos and arguments (my parents fight fr); i am probs trans, and have accepted that but not really bc if i had i would have processed it and actually made a move in some direction after mentally having proposed this idea to myself like 3 years ago with the irrisputable evidence of feeling gay for men; i avoid dealing with my problems; and of course i really love a story about buddies being pals.

also i cried a lot reading it

[nipplering]

Any ideas for fun things to do with friends this January? Thank you so much, hope you are well and wishing you a wonderful start to 2023! <3

thank you :0) sending blessings and yes go to a blues/jazz bar and dance with old couples In pinstriped suits thats what me and my friends r doing. Or a speakeasy. or make artt do a photoshoot or cook a beautiful brunch im planning an aquarium trip also. Antique stores drive down weird highways find snowy forests and bunkers and take pictures <33 

[overthinkingbabe]

i hope your mom thinks of me, she always said she loved me and took me in as her own. does she know you destroyed my clothes? one of the only shirts i had from my dad was covered in glitter inside and out and i haven’t been able to get it off. i have you both blocked down, it is sad to think i had to but i didn’t want you to be able to reach me anywhere. i even had your mom on doulingo and had to remove her. i had to remove your whole family from my phone, from my instagram, from any place i knew they could see because i didn’t want you to see. you don’t deserve to see into my life anymore. you don’t deserve to know how much i obsessed with you after the break up. you started dating your bestfriend after and expected me to be okay? you came to an event you didn’t even have a ticket for and spent how much on outfits just to spite me? you deserve so much in life but nothing in mine. i wasted enough of my life staying with you and not letting myself grow. since we broke up i am duel enrolled now, i have made closer bonds with majority of my friends, i have read close to 10 books, i have stopped biting my nails, i now relate to all my favorite songs, i have had a few alcoholic drinks, i am planning a trip to california with my friends a week before my birthday, i am now driving weekly and hopefully will be getting my license soon, im on season 2 of shameless. things that stayed the same, i still love strawberries and hope they always remind you of me, i haven’t dyed my hair yet, my favorite color is still blue, i am auditioning for the musical, i still wish the best for you, i wish you never treated me the way you did. the most important thing that has changed is how much self respect i have. i would let myself never grow in life because i so badly wanted us to be growing together. i wasn’t going to get a job because of you, i wouldn’t even try to go the college i wanted to go to because it wasn’t close to you, i have respect to start knowing how i want to be treated. you taught me how to stick to what i believe, how to communication, and most importantly how to love because everyone knows i loved you more then you ever thought. i don’t think you will ever let yourself be loved the way you want to be loved, i know the person you are with right now isn’t, they wouldn’t do half the shit i did for you. when you didn’t leave your house i didn’t either so that we could be together. i stopped my life so ours could be together and i will never do that for a someone again. thank you for teaching me.

January 23, 2024

[2024light]

so, first things first

⭐ new year's resolutions ⭐

I've set quite a few this year and I'm planning on sticking to them

🌱 keep consistent but minimal skincare

🌿 manage stress through exams

(I'm sitting my highers this year which is the 2nd highest qualification you get in high school in Scotland

🌳 save up money

(me and my friends are planning a trip after highschool and I need to save for it)

🌱 spend more dedicated time in nature

🌳 read two books per month

🌿 study something outside of school (philosophy)

🌱 stay on top of laundry

(I find that laundry is a big cause of stress in my life because it makes my room so messy)

🌿 no drinks with artificial sugar or colours for January

im not sure if I'll stick to all of these but I assure you I'll try my best xxx

yours sincerely

ac

[dorefasolsido]

5.

what is the one thing you remember most about January of last year? 

I wasn’t doing particularly great in January last year mentally, so not much really stands out. Maybe just that I went to my first live basketball game around that time because I felt I desperately needed a change of pace.

you look at the clock and it’s 11:11, do you wish?

Sometimes lol, but it’s more common to do that here at 22:22 or 00:00.

how do you think you will look 3 years from now?

Three years from now I’ll be almost 30 so I’d rather not think about that time lol. Buuut I doubt all that much will change. Maybe a new hair colour by that time?

once you graduate (if you haven’t already) are you leaving your hometown?

I did leave my hometown, though I frequently go back to visit my family and etc. But yes, not planning to go back to live there.

what is your dream job?

Writer/translator, which is what I’m doing anyway. But I think my genuine dream job is becoming a fiction writer, and I’m not quite there yet. I am happy that I’m in my dream field though.

what would be number one on your bucket list?

Hmm, probably visiting Japan just one time in my life.

how old do you think you’ll be when you make your will?

No clue, tbh. I’ve never actually given that much thought.

you get a text message. who do you hope it is?

I guess depends on who I feel like talking to at a given moment? Just not my editors, please :)))

are there any songs that you hear that just make you wanna dance?

I like dancing, so yes, plenty. I’m not good at it tho, but it’s fun.

do you get any of your songs from limewire?

No, and idk if I was too young for that or if it just wasn’t a thing here, but I only later found out it’s a universal millennial experience lol.

what’s the oddest thing you are wearing right now?

Not wearing anything particularly odd.

you and your best friend get in a fight. why do you think that is?

Most likely because I suck at communication sometimes, and the things I say may come out too blunt or not the way I want them to. I’ve been working on that, but being tactful is a skill that doesn’t come entirely naturally.

do you use the word “basically” a lot?

Probably, yeah.

do you use proper grammar or use IM talk?

Depends on the context; I try to use proper grammar as much as possible but I think abbreviations and internet slang is pretty fun too.

what is your biggest annoyance at the time?

Hmm, my friends and I are planning a trip together, but organizing everything is a nightmare because we’re all very indecisive. That in itself is something I can deal with, but the fact that no one ever properly communicates in the group chat is driving me crazy.

you see the person you fell hardest for. what do you do?

Nothing much, I’ve last interacted with that person for real 10 years ago, and I have no particular feelings for them. I’d say hi because we still know each other, maybe make small talk if we were in such a setting where that’s necessary, and that’s it.

have/are you depressed?

No, but I experience ups and downs like everyone.

did you grow up in the united states?

Nope

are you dreading tomorrow?

Not really, but I do have to do a presentation for my German class and I despise presentations.

do you call anybody ‘baby’?

Nah.

if your school had a winter formal on new years, would you go?

Never had those

where is the fanciest place you have ever visited?

I actually have no idea, not much of a person for fancy places

who is the one person you can completely be yourself around?

Maybe my sister? But to be honest, I don’t think there’s anyone I can be 100% myself around.

are your pop-ups blocked on your computer?

Yes

do you wear earrings on a normal basis?

Yes, I have the ones I’ve worn since I was very young; those are my lucky earrings and I never go anywhere without them.

how old were you when you realized that life goes on?

I can’t really think of a specific age or event

are your parent’s night owls or morning birds?

Definitely morning birds.

do you like to sing?

Yes, but I’m not good at that either lol

are there some songs that you will never understand the lyrics to?

Probably.

do you own a lot of picture frames?

Nope.

who is your favorite author?

Kafka and lately Sayaka Murata.

how many pillows are on your bed?

Just one

how is your hair right now?

In a ponytail because it needs a wash soon.

is your phone fully charged?

Nope, like half charged.

what’s your favorite thing about the holidays?

Food, meeting up family and some relatives I haven’t seen in a while, the general holiday spirit.

are you still in school?

Nope

how many days/months until your next birthday?

A little less than 4 months, omg

what is your favorite type of cake?

Anything with chocolate.

how many rings do you wear on a day-to-day basis?

None.

when will you next laugh until you cry?

Idk but just yesterday I was laughing so much reading some comments with my sister that I not only nearly cried, but nearly died of suffocation. I was in genuine pain lol