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cvntluver444 · 1 month

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7 mins in heaven w ellie😇😇😇😇

thank you so much for your request and your support love!! <3

✞ 7 minutes ✞

✿ summary : the request!

✿ warnings : smut minors/men (boys) dni, puss rubbing, dirtyy talk, shy reader, sweet ellie, ellie teaching reader, reader is in closest!!!!!!, mentions of reader in str@ight relationship, almost getting caught!, if i missed any lmk pls!

✿ a/n : thank you for supporting my works as always! this is not my best work bc i used all my creative brain juice on my last fic so i am so sorry! unfortunately, i am headed back to school this weekend so my writing is going to slow down, but i'm not stopping don't worry babies. im hoping to put out 2-3 fics a week still!!!! keep sending in those requests! I have one more to work on, so to the anon who requested it its coming i promise my love!!!!

ALSO i did kind of make this a personal fic im so sorry LMAO basically i just explain how when i finally realized i was gay YAYAYA !!!!!!! but yeah warning again the reader in this is based on me so it is like finding out you're into girls later on kind of thing so if this is something you're not interested in feel free to skip! I hope you like it lucy!!! (idk if that's your real name im just going to call u that teehee) i love you all so much! muah

✿ as always, please remember to keep spreading information on and support Palestine!!

daily click

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

you anxiously played with your fingers as the last of the party guest gathered around the huge circle. your friends and you decided to spend your saturday night at one of your classmates party, resulting in you now dreading your turn in the 'truth or dare' game.

"you okay?" you turn your head to your left as your eyes land on your friend, who clearly could pick up on how nervous you looked.

"yeah i'm fine," you tell her. "just hope i don't have to do anything stupid or embarrassing. she laughs at your comment.

"don't worry, i doubt you'll even get picked. there's a lot of people here and were all drunk so, who cares!'. her shouts fills the room, drawing a couple eyes toward the two of you. you giggle and hide your face, trying to tell her to keep it down. in the midst of shushing her, your eyes graze the room, watching people roll their eyes at her behavior. but your eyes catch someone else's and you freeze.

ellie williams

she sends you a soft smile, a dark look in her eyes. you gulp and look away quickly. god, she was so hot you thought. you hope she couldn't how flustered she made you. you hope no one could. your whole life, you've always had no problems catching boys' attention. you could have a whoever, whenever, but with this luxury came its flaw. you never actually liked the boys you went out with, you just loved being loved, being in a relationship. you never understood why you felt that way, but just continued on normally, not giving yourself a chance to actually explore more about yourself. but when you first met ellie freshmen year, the feelings finally became visible, especially after finding out she was also into girls; however, you were still not sure if she felt the same. This caused you to once again burry your feelings and close yourself up. You were too scared, and way too sober to even try to talk to ellie.

suddenly, a loud voice can be heard yelling throughout the house. "truth or dare starting now in living room," on boy shouted. your palms became sweaty and you prayed that everyone would pick up on your uncomfortableness and just leave you alone. as always though, the world likes to work in funny ways, and you feel a large presence sit next to you and tap you on the shoulder.

"hey," the boy smiles, "cool if i sit here?" you just give me a simple nod of your head and continue your attention elsewhere, your thoughts interrupted once again. "you look good tonight, by the way". you turn back around, and give him a quiet thanks, and before he could respond, everyone around you begins to pick who will go first for the game.

after three or four people went, you began to grow annoyed. the man next to you could not take the hint, and you were the only person here not having a good time.

"alright williams," the room cheers silently, "truth or dare". your attention is now fully on ellie. she stares up at her friend who just picked on her, small smirk on her face as she answers with a confident dare. "hmmm," her friend hums out loud, looking around the room. you swear you see their eyes stop on yours for a second, before they get an idea. "i dare you to do 7 minutes in heaven," they pause and the room is filled with oooo's. your heart drops a bit. "a person of your choosing." now everyone was going crazy. everyone knew ellie was gay, and everyone knew she made every girl gay, so it was a pretty heavy dare.

ellie smiles up at her friend, sage you think their name is, before she slowly starts scanning the room. you quickly look down, hoping that your avoided eye contact would make you more invisible. your only focus now was watching your fidgeting fingers and giving back half asses answers to the man beside you who still will not shut up.

you hear ellie suck in her breathe before she slowly gets up from the ground. all you wanted to do in this moment was sink into the ground, not sure how you were going to handle seeing ellie pick another girl that isn't you and go fuck her in the closet. too deep in your thoughts, you don't hear the air leave your friends lungs as a certain someone stalks towards you. you only know ellie is right in front of you once you see the beat up sneakers sneak right under your vision.

your eyes widen and you cant breathe. there has to be someone behind you right? no, she could not pick you. in fear that you would be disappointed when looking up, you keep your head down, telling yourself that you're just-

your friend next to you quietly says your name, excitement laced in her voice. she was the only one you told, the only one you could trust with something so personal to you, so to say she was absolutely ecstatic to see ellie pick her best friend, well that was an understatement.

after your quick reality check, your line of vision trails from the top of her feet, all the way to her line of vision, where you see hear towering over you, smirk on her face. you felt like you were going to throw up.

"wanna come with me?" she asks you, that little smile never leaving her face. you look around the room, everyone in just as much shock as you. you look back at ellie, and without thinking twice, you nod your head yes.

she grabs her hand out for you to take, and you two make your way into the closet in between the living room and kitchen, but not before ellie yells something along the lines of keep yourselves busy, and don't be pervs. you feel like you're dreaming, you can't believe ellie williams picked you. but suddenly, you're brought back into reality when she closes the closet and turns on her phone flashlight.

"so," she begins, "how's your night been." you now grow extremely insecure at how little you've been talking to her, not knowing exactly what to do next considering you've never been with a girl.

"oh uh," you begin, "it's been okay. what about yours?" stupid stupid stupid.

"pretty good. saw that guy talking to you. you looked uncomfortable so thought i would save you." she gives a light giggle, but your heart drops and you look at her with sad eyes.

"oh uh yeah haha thanks," you attempt to say, sadness clearly laced in your voice. ellie picks up on it.

"are you okay? did he do anything?" she asks you, coming closer, concern reading all over her face. you blush at how much she cares about you.

"no, no, he didn't do anything, just was annoying," you let out a breathy laugh. "i guess i just thought that we were gonna, ya know, since you picked me, um, never mind this is stupid." your cheeks are now red with embarrassment, and ellies face softens at your rambling.

"aw, no sweetie. just because i picked you doesn't mean we have to do anything. i know you're not into girls." she gives you a friendly tap on the shoulder. ouch. your heart has now sank completely, and you slowly go to reach for the closet door handle. ellie looks confused, before she panics and grabs your hand.

"where are you going? it hasnt been 7 minutes yet sweetheart," she asks you.

"i was just gonna go back. kinda boring just doing nothing here." you tell her sadly.

"well, what do you want to do?" she still hasn't caught on? at this point, you feel like you will never get another chance again. with your ego still a little boosted that she chose you, you answer her.

"i wanna kiss you, ellie," you tell her. she freezes in the spot she's in before she slowly relaxes and relief washes over her face.

"i wanna kiss you too." she tells you. you look up at her, hope in your eyes, and she slowly grabs yours chin with her fingers and pulls you towards her. your lips meet and you both slowly start to make out. now you know why it was called 7 minutes in heaven. pleasure rushed through your body, and you instantly melted into the kiss. it was the first time you actually felt something when kissing someone, and in the bliss of this new feeling, you now put your arms around her shoulders.

the kiss deepens and turns more sinful as ellies hands now trail down to your ass and give it a light squeeze. you moan into her mouth and she groans back in response. her hands now start exploring your body, covering every inch of you until they make their way down towards your loose jeans. you quickly pull away, feeling like a complete virgin even though this kind of stuff is nothing new to you.

"woah, hey, you okay? we can stop if you want," ellie tells you, scared that she may have gone too far.

"no ellie its not you, its just," you try to find the right words. "i've never actually been with a girl before." you tell her, shame written all over your features. she lightly grabs your face once more as she gives you another passionate kiss.

"im happy to help you through it, and if you ever want me to stop, you just tell me." she explains, leaving light kisses all over you exposed next and chest. you moan out as you give her your permission to continue. her lips find her way back to yours, taking control of the kiss. in between each breath, she made sure to tell you how beautiful you were, and how much she had been dreaming of this. you return the compliments, gasping when ellie now picks you up and leans you down on the closet floor.

now on top, she puts all her weight on her elbow, as the other one trails down from your chest, then your stomach, to finally the place where you needed her the most. still kissing you, her fingers undo your buttons. once your jeans were shoved down, and your panties moved to the side, ellie breaks the kiss.

you whine from the loss of contact, and she shushes you. "is it ok if i touch you?" she asks you politely.

"yes, ellie. please touch me," you beg her. "want you so bad." her lips suddenly reconnect with yours, and her fingers start rubbing light circles on your clit. you moan as she teases you, never feeling this way with any guy you've ever been with.

"you make the prettiest noises," she tells you, nipping at your lips. "fuck, and you're so wet too." her talking alone brings you even closer to your high, another new feeling.

you feel her fingers now trail down and tease your entrance, making the most sinful sound. she bites her lips, then starts pumping two fingers inside of you.

your eyes now roll to the back of your head and ellie falls to your side, the new position allowing her to finger you even faster. your head leans into her shoulder, and tears brim in your eyes from how good shes making you feel.

"faster, please," you beg, now staring into her eyes. the innocent look on your face causes her pussy the clench.

"yeah baby? you want me to go faster?" she teases you. "ill do anything for you beautiful." that was enough to send you over the edge, and you start to shake and she speeds up her motions.

"els" is all you can get out, but she knows exactly what you're trying to say, telling you to let go and cum all over her fingers.

and you're about to, until you hear yelling outside the closest door, and people are banging on your door, telling you seven minutes has passed.

you and ellie groan, and you're about to scream out of frustration, before ellies low voice cuts you off.

"i want you to get dressed and meet me outside my car, we can finish this at me." she tells you, a loving look on her face. you giggle and give her a quick peck, before jumping up and putting on your clothes.

you two come out of the closet, rushing towards the front door, completely ignoring all your friends and strangers random questions flying your way.

"where are they going?"

"are they holding hands?"

"do you think they did anything?"

"they so fucked."

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✿ a/n: heh, they came out the closet. anyways, like i said, very personalized im sorry i hit my penjamin and im in my feels but i really hope you guys liked it! my requests are still open! love you all so much and don't forget to follow because i post frequently!! <3

#ellie willams x reader #ellie williams #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams tlou #ellie smut #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fanfics #ellie williams x femme #ellie x reader #ellie williams x you #lesbian #lesbians

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drvscarlett · 4 months

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BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM

Alex Albon x Horner!Reader

Summary: Max Verstappen and Sebastian Vettel may be Christian's favorites. But Y/N Horner has her own favorites.

The Tortured Drivers' Department series

A/N: one of my favorite tracks and i hope i could give it justice. let me know what you folks think

Taglist. @tea-bobba @boiohboii @c-losur3 @haikyuen @stelena-klayley @stinkyjax @0710khj @jinimon-tr

I'll tell you something right now you ain't gotta pray for me Me and my wild boy and all of this wild joy

LittleMissY/N what a fun winter break bonding before the 2019 season starts. aren't we cute #GiveYouButterflyWings

PierreGasly the disrespect, my face is cut off after taking so many photos of you!!!

LittleMissY/N sorry not sorry PierreGasly Seb is also upset that you didn't even include him in that photo. LittleMissY/N tell the man to make an ig first.

MaxVerstappen33 why did the rookie get a solo shot before I did???

LittleMissY/N don't be jealous maxie, atleast you're still in the family mantle MaxVerstappen33 you are not slick Y/N tsk, im telling your dad LittleMissY/N respectfully, fuck off!

Alex_Albon it was nice meeting you Y/N!

LittleMissY/N its so good to meet you too alex :))) PierreGasly suspicious behavior!

User3 enjoy your time out there with the boys!

User5 anyone notices how Y/N is literally teasing everyone and then when it comes to alex she seems shy

User7 I smell a crushhhh User9 be for real, maybe its because alex is a rookie and Y/N didn't bond well with him yet.

LittleMissY/N dad took me to work and not bad for a rookie!

ChristianHorner I'm not taking you to work again

LittleMissY/N don't you miss me?? i thought you missed me ChristianHorner not anymore LittleMissY/N too bad, im applying for a job in f1

PierreGasly are you even watching the race??

LittleMissY/N yeah, you missed the points lmao! PierreGasly i hate you

Alex_Albon not a really good start for me but I'll try better next time!

LittleMissY/N dont stress, you have plenty more opportunities to do well! I'll see you next GP? Alex_Albon of course, I mean I'm being paid to drive that car hahaha LittleMissY/N you're funny PierreGasly are you seeing this MaxVerstappen33 MaxVerstappen33 im dying out of laughter LittleMissY/N I'm gonna pay your mechanics to miss out a few screws

User5 she is so pretty!!! how come she is christian's daughter?

User7 I met her during FP1 and girlie is so in love with a driver

User8 i think we know why Y/N is coming around the races.

Alex_Albon happy to get some points for today! My first in my rookie year!

User2 Amazing job today Alex

User3 Alex Albon, you make us all proud!!!

LittleMissY/N GET IN THERE ALEX!!!!! BLOODY AMAZING!!! SUPERB DRIVE!!!

Alex_Albon thanks Y/N, i can hear you shouting from Red Bull to Toro Rosso LittleMissY/N this is amazing news and everyone has to hear it!!!!!

User5 alex and Y/N are so cuteeee!!! Y/N is so excited for Alex's first points

User7 anyone else ships Y/N and Alex??

F1Fans OOF! Albon suffers a big crash during the practice session in Shanghai. Do we think choosing Albon is the right choice for this season?

User1 nasty crash, too bad that he will be missing qualifying.

User2 c'mon be a little more lenient to the guy, shanghai is a difficult track

User3 should be sacked tbh

User4 why are they allowing albon to drive? he isn't that good.

LittleMissY/N oh get over yourself. i bet you can't even drive an f1 car even if you tried. Drivers crash every now and then, Alex Albon is a fantastic driver that's why Toro Rosso got him. This is just a bad weekend for him but I'm sure he will bounce back for the actual race. User7 my surprise when I realize that its actually Y/N Horner defending Alex Albon's honor User8 we love Y/N in this household.

User9 praying for a better race results for Alex

PierreGasly posted a story...

LittleMissY/N replied: HOW DARE YOUUU???? WHO IS THAT RAT???

LittleMissY/N but tbh thats a genuine reaction. imagine starting from p20 and ending up into p10??? LittleMissY/N OH PIERRE QUIT IGNORING ME! LittleMissY/N i hate you so much

Alex_Albon replied: oh no, what happened to her??

PierreGasly your biggest fan has a bit of a teary moments. She is currently filling up my DMs with how much of an amazing driver you are Alex_Albon that's really nice of Y/N

MaxVerstappen33 replied: man Y/N is down bad

PierreGasly i knowwww MaxVerstappen33 christian just walked in to ask if Y/N has a crush on Alex PierreGasly its so obvioussss MaxVerstappen33 well except for alex lol

GeorgeRussell63 with my best mate Alex_Albon !!

LittleMissY/N Well hello there georgie

GeorgeRussell63 hello miss Y/N Horner, what are you doing around here?? LittleMissY/N just saw you tag alex and figured i should say hi to his bestie GeorgeRussell63 im watching you LittleMissY/N ditto :))

Alex_Albon we look good there!

LittleMissY/N you look extremely handsome there Alex MaxVerstappen33 simppppp LittleMissY/N im gonna crash your car

User5 another bestfriends making it to formula 1 together

User7 its so funny how Y/N shows up in any tagged photos of alex, miss maam you are whippedt!!!

LittleMissY/N I'm off to crash anyone who crashes him in the next race. Mark my words!!!!!!!! Still a great drive from AA, my favorite driver <3

Alex_Albon thanks so much for the support Y/N. No need to crash to anyone

LittleMissY/N okay but my offer will always stand

PierreGasly you are sooooo down bad

LittleMissY/N I'm going to put you down

User6 is Y/N, Alex's girlfriend.

User7 i think she likes him and alex is so oblivious User9 yeah, Y/N likes alex so much LittleMissY/N shut it.

User11 i just love how supportive she is with alex being a rookie and all

ROOKIE ALBON DEFENDS Y/N HORNER.

In a recent interview, someone made a mistake of putting Y/N Horner in a bad light. Not to worry because Toro Rosso driver, Alex Albon is there to rescue. The whole thing starts with a simple question of what does Y/N contributes to the team to which Albon answers that Y/N is the social media manager. The interviewer made the mistake of commenting how anyone could do that job. This statement seems to anger the rookie as he defends her by listing down her educational achievements and how her role is important to the team. Albon refused to answer any question with that reporter and Christian Horner has placed an indefinite ban for his drivers to speak with the reporter.

LittleMissY/N when he defends you:

PierreGasly i would have hit that reporter's face if i was there

LittleMissY/N awww pierre, i knew you always had a soft spot for me. PierreGasly only we (max, seb, danny, and me) can make fun of you MaxVerstappen33 facts! LittleMissY/N good to know

User4 red bull boys lining up to protect their princess

User5 i swear, aren't they together yet???

GeorgeRussell63 when did i consent being posted as a meme???

LittleMissY/N since you became my new bestieeeee GeorgeRussell63 i also don't recall consenting to that LittleMissY/N its only a matter of time before you accept it.

LittleMissY/N gonna miss you so much pierreeeeeee anw time to transfer to red bull

User4 not the black and white photo

User5 its so weird to swap teammates in the middle of the season

PierreGasly dumbass.

LittleMissY/N I'll continue cheering you on always PierreGasly aren't you the sweetest? LittleMissY/N this is available for a limited time only

Alex_Albon thanks for the welcome again to RB maxverstappen33 LittleMissY/N

PierreGasly hey i gave you my seat, a little thank u would be great Alex_Albon thank you Pierre LittleMissY/N stop fighting alex, he is so kind PierreGasly oh c'mon!!!! MaxVerstappen33 mate, Y/N will always drop us for Alex. Dont forget that LittleMissY/N smartest person as ever Max

Alex_Albon the car is feeling really good for my first race in Red Bull. Good race from p14 to p5!

LittleMissY/N PROUD OF YOU ALEX!!! THAT WAS AN AMAZING DRIVE

User1 i swear Y/N you have notifs on for alex Alex_Albon thank you Y/N!!!

User3 Alex really deserves to be moved up with that RB seat

User4 RB proving themselves to be a big challenge to Mercedes this year

User5 sucks that max dnf this race, just imagine the next race where they can be stronger!!!!

LittleMissY/N i hate corona so much but im facetiming my bestfriend Alex and life seems a little bit better. Stay safe everyone

PierreGasly my beSTfrIend Alex

LittleMissY/N go to hell Pierre PierreGasly lolololollllll whippedt culture

User5 im pretty sure you miss the races as much as we do

LittleMissY/N for real but we have to make sure that its safe to race again

User5 queen Y/N!

User8 i love their little livestream on twitch every now and then. Its the best thing to pass time

User10 love you queen Y/N

LittleMissY/N BACK TO RACING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

Alex_Albon quite excited to support us again?

LittleMissY/N of course, im red bull's biggest fan! MaxVerstappen33 red bull fan or alex albon fan? LittleMissY/N its good for you to know your place luv

User7 ITS RACE WEEKEND!!!

User8 look at them wearing masks, you should all do that too

User9 i cant tell you how much i missed races

F1Fans ICYMI, Checo Perez is getting that second Red Bull seat in 2021.

User1 wow checo??? congrats man!

User2 what about alex???

User3 im pretty sure a certain Horner is not happy with the decision User4 Im actually waiting for her reaction

LittleMissY/N AND THIS IS HOW I WILL FIND OUT????

LittleMissY/N you broke this family apart ChristianHorner LittleMissY/N BUT WHY???? User7 Y/N is just like us for real

User8 good riddance for albon, max needs a better teammate

User10 the only reason why albon has this seat is because Y/N Horner likes him a lot. LittleMissY/N everything that alex does is based on his pure talent. My dad won't even let me into meetings that's why im just as surprised as everyone regarding this decision. and fyi im gonna send this to my lawyers. User9 don't play with Y/N when it comes to alex.

LittleMissY/N Grill the grid episode, the one where I made them cook for my birthday

ChristianHorner happy birthday dear

User1 happy birthday to our queen, i hope lando made something edible for you!

User3 look at Y/N's birthday full of red bull current, former, and reserve drivers

PierreGasly sorry I couldn't make it but happy birthday to my soul sister

MaxVerstappen1 hoping for more birthdays for you Y/N

Schecoperez happy birthday hermana!

CarlosSainz55 Happy birthday little miss Y/N

Alex_Albon Happy birthday Y/N, hope you like your birthday!

LittleMissY/N thanks alex <3 User4 everyone been commenting on her post but she only responded to alex User9 girlie u r so whipped!!!

GeorgeRussell63 I wish you can get a seat next year mate

User5 i know, i think alex is wasting his potential being red bull's reserve driver

User7 right?? checo's chemistry with max is really good and i dont think christian will sacrifice that User8 i just want a decent team for alex

LittleMissY/N Are you cooking something georgie?

GeorgeRussell63 that depends, are you helping? LittleMissY/N for our common friend, absolutely User9 now what does this mean???? User10 anyone wanna tell me what's george and y/n conspiring together???

F1Fans No news about Albon's contract in 2022 and today we have seen Albon talking with Christian. It doesn't seem like its about contract renewal.

User2 anyone wanna bet that Christian is talking to Alex about Y/N

User3 what is going on, where will Alex be in 2022

User4 if alex switches teams then would Y/N switch too?

User5 i mean she already did it with toro rosso and red bull User6 but this is like the same group. What if Albon goes to Mercedes or McLaren, would Y/N join there too?? User7 blood is thicker than water everyone User5 i dont think yall understand how much of a simp Y/N is that she can go anywhere Alex goes.

User9 i just want alex to be in an f1 seat in 2022.

LittleMissY/N new hair, new color!

MaxVerstappen1 booooooooo!!! navy blue supremacy

LittleMissY/N i won't be taking any fashion advice from the man who literally wears only Red Bull merch. MaxVerstappen1 hey once upon a time you were always wearing our team merch especially when its no. 23 LittleMissY/N have fun crashing in the next race.

WilliamsRacing we like the color! Suits you!

User1 what is going onnnnn User2 i think alex is transferring to williams RedBullRacing im watching you

RedBullRacing we miss you queen!

LittleMissY/N aww, miss you!

WilliamsRacing Albon joins Williams for 2022! He will be partnering up with Nicholas Latifi, who retains his seat.

LittleMissY/N LETS GO!!!!!! FINALLY, ALBON BACK IN AN F1 SEAT

User1 Trying to beat Y/N in commenting and liking first, failed.

User3 so this is what george and Y/N is cooking.

User8 goodluck to alex!!!

User7 hoping that this time around, he can stick around for the long run.

Alex_Albon seas the day

User1 OMG BOYFRIEND ALEX????

User3 i think my bestie Y/N is crying somewhere rn

User4 i didn't expect alex has a girlfriend

User5 alex?? what are you doing?? this isn't Y/N

User7 have fun at your vacation alex!!!1

MaxVerstappen1 mate, who is she??

PierreGasly you should have warned us you were softlaunching someone

CarlosSainz55 congrats with the relationship bro!

Alex_Albon exploring the city with her.

User5 she takes so good photos of alex!

User7 queen Y/N its been 36 days since you last commented

User8 i fear girlie is heartbroken User9 i hope Y/N is okay

User10 alex and his girl are so perfect together

MaxVerstappen1 who is she alex??? cmon answer your phone

PierreGasly I swear were not sent by Christian to ask about this new girl of yours

WilliamsRacing pretty girl for a pretty boy!

Alex_Albon indeed <3

LittleMissY/N unbothered queen, so sorry for stabbing you GirlInRed

GirlInRed it hurts kind of little but anything for your therapy

User4 not Y/N fake stabbing someone because of Alex's girl

User6 this is so funny, Y/N

User8 so beautiful! you deserve better

MaxVerstappen1 well you know violence isn't always the answer.

LittleMissY/N oh really coming from you? MaxVerstappen1 cmon, I'll pick you up. Tell me where you are and lets talk LittleMissY/N i don't need to talk, im happy where i am

PierreGasly are you sure you're okay?

LittleMissY/N I have answered you a hundred times, im fine!!!!! PierreGasly Im still getting you ice cream LittleMissY/N awww pierre, you didn't have to

Alex_Albon merry christmas everybody!

MaxVerstappen1 hold up, did i miss a chapter or something???

PierreGasly is this a joke or something???

User4 I thought you have a girlfriend???

User7 all along its Y/N??? IT WAS Y/N ALL ALONG?

User9 lucky lucky lucky

GeorgeRussell63 FINALLY! I have been laughing so much with all the conspiracy online

MaxVerstappen1 you knew and you never even told us??? LandoNorris mate why didn't you even tell me? I thought we are 2019 rookies trio Alex_Albon sorry mates, i just have to keep this a secret a little longer

WilliamsRacing what a happy couple, so can we post your photos now?

RedBullRacing she is still our girl WilliamsRacing i think you should ask her about that

LittleMissY/N thankful for almost a year and a half with you

User4 what??? A YEAR AND A HALF???

User7 this is probably going on ever since Alex has moved to Williams

User8 my romeo and juliet!

ChristianHorner why am i not informed that it has been this long?

LittleMissY/N but daddy i love him :< ChristianHorner no. LittleMissY/N but what if im carrying his baby? ChristianHorner jesus christ, tell me you are kidding. LittleMissY/N i am but see it could be worse. i mean we just hid our relationship and not an entire family. ChristianHorner fine. invite him over and lets talk LittleMissY/N yay!!!

MaxVerstappen1 who knew you could keep a secret for that long???

PierreGasly Im more surprised that she was able to bag alex, are you sure you are perfectly sane Alex_Albon? Alex_Albon well I really really love her LittleMissY/N alex :< you used the love word Alex_Albon i mean you should have been used to it when you hear it everyday from when you wake up and before you fall asleep MaxVerstappen1 YOU TWO MAKE ME SICKKKKKK!!!!! NOT IN MY COMMENT SECTION

User10 folks i think we should apply to Y/N's school of being down bad and manifesting their dream partner

User15 what a lovely couple they are, goals!!!

#the tortured drivers department #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 smau #alex albon x reader #alex albon imagines #alex albon fluff

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amakumos · 8 months

Text

enhypen as f1 fans - headcanons.

SYNOPSIS. enhypen as f1 fans this is literally just it

GENRE. probably just crack

AUTHOR'S NOTE. this is literally just for fun and i love lando norris. lmk what else you would want to add if u like f1 and enha... let me know what types of fans theyd be... not tagging taglist in this cuz its not that serious of a fic

LEE HEESEUNG. ★

favourite team: aston martin

favourite track: spa-francorchamps

favourite driver: fernando alonso / lewis hamilton

heeseung also gives me the vibe that he likes red bull as well! i think he definitely wouldn't be mad if a rb driver won, but would prefer drivers from his favourite team

he's definitely gone to races before. occasionally buys paddock passes.

had the time of his life in the first half of the 2023 season when aston was good... after the upgrades (more like downgrades) he's been going through it...

but i think he'd still have hope.

the kind of guy to quit watching the race if his favourite driver dnfs

buys merch like a crazy person

loves fernando’s tiktok account with a burning passion. probably uses them as reaction memes in the gc

will lose his shit when fernando or lewis retires.

has a soft spot for oscar

bashes his head against the wall when his fav driver has a slow pitstop

the kind of guy to yell at the tv when the result outcome is terrible

"i'm never watching formula 1 again" he says when his fav doesn't make it to the points... and then proceeds to turn the tv back on the next race week

probably has a selfie with his fav driver (and probably cried a little bit after)

uses that video of fernando's celebration dance as a way to get out of awkward conversations

the first guy to like fernando's new tiktoks whenever they r posted

JAY PARK. ★

favourite team: mercedes

favourite track: circuit of the americas

favourite driver: lewis hamilton / sebastian vettel

honestly i feel like everyone in enha loves lewis

lost his shit when seb retired

i think he also likes nico rosberg as well. seems like a brocedes guy (he sheds tears every time someone brings brocedes up tho)

would sacrifice his right lung for another lewis hamilton win

would gladly help seb build his bee hotels in suzuka

paddock passes every time when he goes and watches f1.

probably has selfies with every driver that he likes

hes just a mercedes guy through and through

he's loyal to his team! if ur a mercedes driver, jay loves u AUTOMATICALLY.

probably died a bit on the inside when george and lewis had contact on turn 1 in qatar 2023

not a red bull fan. im sorry

but he sometimes thinks about turning into a red bull fan because life as a red bull fan is much less depressing compared to being a merc fan

misses the merc domination era

probably on f1twt and is famous there

people know him for having selfies w the drivers and always buying paddock passes. he's a rich guy what can i say

another guy who yells at the screen during a race

whenever merc has disappointing strategies he just sighs and thinks: "i could do a better job"

JAKE SIM. ★

favourite team: ferrari

favourite track: monza / monaco

favourite driver: charles leclerc

SOMEBODY SAVE THIS MAN????

he goes through it every single weekend. every weekend he is constantly disappointed by ferrari and at this point he is considering to quit watching f1

only cares about charles. loves that man with his life

he also likes oscar and danny ric as well, because they're australian

you know how every italian man is in love with charles? they post stuff on their story like "met my husband😍" and it's a pic of them and charles? that's jake. he is him

jake reminds me of that one fan who made charles a pizza and gave it to him in person. like that’s lowkey some shit that he would do

picks up on phrases that charles says. mainly "it's like this" ...

prays every single weekend for charles to get good results (he is always disappointed)

wanted to die when he saw charles' slow pit stop at the dutch gp in 2023... they had NO TYRES and jake threw the remote control at the screen

has charles merch. definitely bought the monaco special edition hat. probably buys apm monaco for charles too

he's definitely gone to races before. probably bought paddock once but he will never do that again his wallet was crying

was 100% in the crowd during charles' 2019 monza win. also shed tears during that moment

"BURN THE SF23" is the most tweeted thing on his f1twt account of the 2023 season

argues with sunghoon all the time over f1 because sunghoon is a red bull fan... but secretly they're literally lecstappen

in general jake would sacrifice his entire life for charles leclerc and... he's so real for that

PARK SUNGHOON. ★

favourite team: red bull

favourite track: zandvoort / red bull ring

favourite driver: max verstappen

the only one enjoying the 2023 season

because his favourite driver always wins

the only one in enha whos NEVER disappointed whenever a race happens

yells rlly loud whenever max wins (so basically every race weekend) and the rest of the enha boys just look at him like 😒

probably has like 5 red bull shirts in his closet and sleeps in them

defends max with his life. probably has a twitter account w the user onlyverstappen and you'll see him bashing the shit out of max haters

prob bought a max mini helmet. almost bought the max verstappen christmas sweater (hes a dedicated fan what can i say)

big maxiel fan. would sacrifice everything for a max and daniel pairing again because he thinks they're funny together

likes max bc of his humour as well

watches youtube videos about f1 like "every f1 driver getting mad at nikita mazepin" or like "funny f1 driver radio moments"

the kind of guy to save every max edit into his camera roll (hes in love what can i say)

started drinking red bulls because of his love for the team… he says it’s his way of supporting them

fan of liam lawson too. needs him to get a seat and he does not care with what team. he just needs to see that man in a f1 car ASAP...

has been to f1 races, bought paddock once to go with jay. max won that race and he never shuts up about how he saw max verstappen win with his own two eyes

has the same passion towards f1 as jake except he lives in a constant state of happiness due to red bull's dominance while jake lives in a constant state of depression

KIM SUNOO. ★

favourite team: alphatauri / williams

favourite track: singapore

favourite driver: yuki tsunoda / alex albon

big yuki fan. thinks his radios are funny

he's not too invested in f1 but watches occasionally

loves alex bc of how he's somehow able to drag a williams into the points

he's pretty quiet when he's watching f1 i feel

feels like the kind of guy to just sit on the couch and be like "hmm. good job" or like "oh. maybe next time..."

mainly bc his fav drivers and teams arent fighting for podiums or championships... but he hopes that they'll be able to someday

he's that one rlly lucky fan that could just be walking around in the same city as his fav f1 driver and just bump into them on the street

doesn't hate any team and doesn't hate any driver. he's a pretty chill f1 fan

the ONE time sunoo probably got pissed was when yuki was on his formation lap and his engine broke down... meaning he didn't start

wanted to punch smth because How in the World

probably bought one of yuki's mini helmets bc he thinks its cute. "good room decor" - kim sunoo 2023

probably has a yuki or alex cap but that's as much merch as he'll buy tbh

likes the yuki / daniel combo for alphatauri but also thinks nyck should've been given a bit more time

probably hasn't been to an f1 race in person... if he went i don't think he'd buy paddock unless one of the other members bought it and brought him along

keeps up w f1 news from twitter or from jake bc he never stops talking about how ferrari’s fucking up charles' strategy again

YANG JUNGWON. ★

favourite team: mclaren

favourite track: silverstone

favourite driver: lando norris / oscar piastri

no, i’m not just saying jungwon is a lando enjoyer just because i am (maybe a little bc i’m biased BUT)

they’re both just adorable so what can i say really

depressed at the beginning of the season when the mclaren boys were driving a fucking TRACTOR for a car

landoscar enthusiast. i don’t make the rules… he and jake remind me of landoscar kinda… like jake would be a lando and jungwon would be an oscar

would do anything (I MEAN ANYTHING) for a lando win… me too

mclaren 1-2? YOU BEST BELIEVE HE'S YELLING LIKE A MANIAC

spends money on lando merch (HOODIES!) and prob wears it bc the designs r insanely cool

sits in silence in the corner when it’s a bad race week for his faves… like he’s crazily silent to the point where it’s scary. it's giving eye twitches vibes

gets hyped for race week tho he’s the kinda guy to have every race logged in his calendar

makes maeumi watch f1 with him. unfortunately maeumi is not a mclaren fan much to his disappointment

if you hate lando or oscar he will hate you. defends them with his life and trust and believe me he will win.

is on f1twt, pretty well known on there (he just tweets random shit and gets 1k likes and hes like... Wtf)

attends races whenever he can, prob not paddock cuz he thinks it’s not really worth it bc of how expensive they are

used to mclaren being good now compared to the start of the season so he’s devastated when they’re not top 5

NISHIMURA RIKI. ★

favourite team: mercedes (ferrari later tho...)

favourite track: suzuka

favourite driver: lewis hamilton / yuki tsunoda / kimi raikkonen

lewis fan because he’s the goat, yuki fan bc he thinks he’s funny and bc they’re both japanese, kimi fan because well... hes KIMI

riki’s prob been invested in f1 since he was a kid, definitely the most involved / passionate w motorsports

probably watches other motorsport series too! pretty sure he’s talked about formula e, and i could see him enjoying indycar and motogp

yk how lewis released that collab w fortnite? riki prob bought the skin and plays as lewis in fortnite😭

loves roscoe!!! would want bisco and roscoe to meet tbh

wants lewis to win again SOOOO badly

prob has a picture with yuki and the height difference would be hilarious (yuki is 159cm)

i think he's a big fan of schumacher, senna, prost too, definitely been watching this sport for a WHILE!

in a complete state of SHOCK when it was revealed lewis would be going to ferrari

started learning italian on duolingo after the big announcement

has definitely been to a few f1 races (suzuka, silverstone & singapore are probably the ones he's been to)

a BIG ACCOUNT ON F1TWT

probably gets invited as a guest of his favourite teams n shit it's crazy he's practically an influencer there

would start an f1 podcast for fun and it would go viral

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lilioopdf · 4 months

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mini F2 race predictions

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

this is personal bc ive been staying away from tarot and fortune telling for really really long because it just doesn’t align with who i am anymore but i am also a really curious person and this week has been emotionally taxing so im doing this for FUN and for myself

but anyway these are my mini predictions for the sprint and feature race (F2) except im only looking at one driver (and i won’t tag this post because i really don’t want this to show up anywhere)

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

sprint race: king of wands, 7 of pentacles, the star

not too bad?? its not amazing but it’s not horrible, just average. and i think that with the seven of pentacles there will be lots of information picked up on or gained from this race, which could really help in the feature race the day after. and with the king of wands it makes me wonder if there’s a possibility of him dominating the race, for at least some period of time? or maybe setting the fastest timing for a lap/sector at least once. with the star, i think a lot of useful data could be collected behind the scenes, like really really useful info that wasn’t found previously. the star kinda feels like there will be certain blessings present, and a wish may be made and granted. the seven of pentacles is usually the final step before the hard work pays off.

significant numbers (in this context): 7, 17, 3, 4

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

feature race: 3 of cups, 10 of cups, 6 of pentacles

so so positive i cannot stress this enough— so much celebration, so much fulfilment marking the end of a cycle. maybe some help involved, either given or received. positive, in the way only cool and calm mornings can feel, specifically at 8am, as it slowly gets closer to 10am. idk not much to say but the effort behind this race feels more centred, like there is a smaller group of people being actively involved in this race, and the celebrations may also be mainly for a smaller group of people than usual, but lots of happiness of course. this feels like watching the sunset at a beach, unplanned.

extra: i noticed the devil card pop up but it came with too many cards so i put it back in but it feels like a small warning to not get too egotistical or rude and lose focus on what’s actually important, like safety and relationships, and to not be overly consumed or obsessed by something— like results or incidents on track or the past

significant numbers: 3, 6, 10, 5, 7, 4

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

bottom of deck: wheel of fortune

the wheel of fortune usually symbolises luck, or karma. it usually signifies a change in luck, and i always tell people that this change in luck could be from bad to good luck, or vice versa. it’s not a one directional thing— whatever you’ve been experiencing recently, changes. although in this context it definitely feels more positive given the recent dnfs. card number 10. with 11 under it— whatever is received this weekend is well deserved and long time coming

also wait im adding on to this but maybe tyre management might be significant in these two races, in this specific drivers case

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

anyway i still don’t know if ill watch the races because both F3 and F2 races have been heartbreaking recently but i might, after this reading— i just pray that pepe does really really well and that there are no crashes and that everyone is safe and happy despite their end positions and that it’s a good weekend for all drivers and mechanics and fans and team principals and any and everyone on earth except mean people

okay byebye ill come back to this after both races are complete and update this

- 🪷

#personal #personal tarot #lilioo predicts

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charles-leclerc-official · 4 months

Note

Idk about the rest of you, but for every "it's so over" I always have at least one more "we are so fucking back!" in me

gods you're so fucking real for this. im going to lock in into studying and not watch quali and race but goddamn im going to pray, more like beg to universe for things to go smoothly. I need charles to win but on front im gonna act unbothered until i see the race results. too much duality here ik its complex 😭😭

also, i love your race analysis 🫶🤗

Thank you friend <3

Best of luck on your weekend, may we come out of this on Sunday with good results, amen

#luci answers

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leeeeeeeeey · 2 years

Text

0209

30mins more pa love, makakatulog na din ako. still anxious and kabado sa hatol sakin sa tenet. pero im claiming and manifesting na matatanggap ako. i reallt feel that this is the start of my new beginning. i want to be optimistic for a change. hope youre still sound asleep love. miss na miss na kita. i love you so much

good morning, love. nagising me. drive safely to work. i miss you. i love you

jwu, still sleepy hehehe. u had lunch na? still waiting for the result of the interview. josh invited me to palo bukas sa gcc. i was thinking if i should run na mamaya para makita pa din kita tapos bukas diretso na lang ako sa gcc. tingnan natin. my eyes are still tired i hope makatulog pa ako maya maya

hi, love. u had merienda na? i decided to run, to clear my head. might bring my phone din baka tumawag yung HR while im outside. lapit na ikaw magout, love. lapit na din weekends. i miss you

drive safely, love. grateful to see you today. may laro kasi ako bukas, kaya hindi ako makakatakbo and see you. kaya ngayon ako tumakbo hehehe. still haven't heard from tenet abt the results. and i had peace of mind while walking pauwi. i prayed and cried and gumaan loob ko. mejo bumaba naman yung anxiety ko hehehe i love you. its almost the weekend na din, bubby

hi bubby. start na ng shift ko. may prod na ako, pero ramp pa naman so mababa pa yung quota. tutulungan ko mamaya yung kawork ko sa assessment niya sa tenet din. wala pang balita yung sakin e. pero mukhang magkaiba kami ng focus field. more same day surgery ata assessment niya. sana makapalag kami hehehe. anyway. enjoy the rest of the night, love. advance goodnight. restwell. dream of us. i love you so much. i miss you, sobra

0 notes

ricciardoswife · 2 years

Text

Daniel's Birthday

Endless love masterlist

Liked by danielricciardo, michaelitaliano and 66,432 more

Y/nricciardo It's this guys birthday today so bare with me while I wish him the happiest of birthdays

Happy birthday to the guy who has made me smile since I first sat next to him

Happy birthday to the guy who holds my hair while I puke

Happy birthday to the guy who will make me laugh even when I want to cry

Happy birthday to the most amazing cook

Daniel i hope you have an amazing day because you deserve it your kind hearted an amazing driver, handsome, your the best husband and your going to be an amazing dad to our little bean

Love you xx❤🥰

Danielricciardo love you ❤

Drfann3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL

Danielfann32 praying for a good result at Silverstone this weekend

F1wags33 the baby photo 🥺 no doubt their kid will be just as cute

Danielricciardofann2 happy birthday daniel you make me smile everyday

Authors note

I know I promised next post would be the pregnancy one im hoping to get that up later on today but I couldn't let the day pass by without wishing daniel happy birthday

#daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo fluff #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo fake instagram #daniel ricciardo social media au #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 #endless love universe

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binunus · 4 years

Text

college bf!bin

a/n the duality of this man??? i’m deceased...anyway i did not think this would go this long but uh my hand slipped...happy birthday binnie!

word count: 5k

genre: fluff, smut, (tiny) angst _________________________________________________

ugh yo

bin is so??? infuriatingly hot??? yet cute at the same time

major: exercise science

and because I love mermaid prince/the beginning, he’s been on the swim team since first year college

swam varsity starting his second year

besties with eunwoo, they were roommates their whole college career

alright so bin loves making friends

he’s so playful and talkative once you really get to know him

but his aura?? tbh very intimidating

like he has an rbf and just like he’s so tall, broad shouldered, built, like he just carries himself very strongly that you will get intimidated when you first meet him

very well known in the university

literally has a professional photographed banner of him hanging in the athletic building with the gold medal he won freshman year

a little embarrassed about it

not really, only when the boys (as in literally the other five) tease him

myungjun: woOoOw bin that guy on the banner really looks like you, don’t you think?

rocky: we geeeeet it you’re a star athlete

blah blah blah you know the vibes, they’re endearing

so how do you meet bin?

basically you’re a friend of a friend—you’re eunbi’s (sinb) friend

you’ve only met bin briefly from time to time, but otherwise you never really had any reason to get acquainted with him

your only encounters of him are when he wants to annoy eunbi and she immediately puts him in his place

but then suddenly in the spring semester of your 2nd year, you and him are in the same 8 am

a boring statistics gen ed class that everyone needs to take in order to graduate

you were running a bit late during the first class meeting—you woke up 30 minutes after your alarm and literally rushed out of your apartment—you made it to class with 2 minutes to spare

most of the seats were filled up already, except that one seat in the back left corner by the window next to the one and only moon bin

oh would you look at that

you felt a bit relieved honestly, you didn’t know anyone else in that class so at least you saw a semi-familiar face

he grinned at you when you sat down

“hey y/n”

you were a bit taken back, “you know my name?”

he laughed a little, “yeah of course, you’re one of eunbi’s really good friends, why wouldn’t I know your name?”

before you could respond, the professor started class and ceased your conversation

one thing you realized as the weeks start to go on

you and bin could not give any two fucks about statistics

no offense to stats lovers

every 8 am on mon/wed/fri, neither one of you would pay attention in class

you both enabled each other to not pay attention basically

so when the professor announced the content and date for the first exam

you and bin literally looked at each other with the same expression

you were both fucked

after class was dismissed, instead of the two of you quickly packing your things and fleeing the room immediately, you both lagged a little bit

you: so...do you know anything that’s going to be on the exam?

bin: uh...no? y/n you’re literally right next to me, you know I don’t do jack shit in this class

you: well fuck, how are you gonna study then bin?

bin: I was probably gonna ask my roommate to help me, he passed with a 96 when he took this class

you give him the best puppy dog eyes you could muster up, you lean in and clasp your hands together like you’re praying

“can he help me too...? please?”

bin’s eyes go a lil wide bc you were a bit closer than he was used to and shit was his heart racing rn?

bin: uh...yeah...sure, i’ll text you to come over when we’re gonna study

you beam at him and like in your excitement you give him a hug

“thank you thank you thank you! i literally cannot fail this class. I’ll see you on friday bin!”

with that you grabbed your bag and just left, leaving bin shocked

he’s surprisingly a shy boy okay!

he always thought you were cute from when he first saw you hanging out with eunbi, but ofc he never thought any more of it

until you guys had this class together and he started to think every day, that wow you are really cute

bin texts you the next day

coincidentally, eunbi texts you too

bin: hey this is bin, if you’re free in an hour my roommate’s gonna help me go over the material in ch. 1

eunbi: why did bin ask for your number

you to bin: yes! send me your addy and i’ll be there :)

you to eunbi: we’re in the same stats class lol and we’re gonna study for our exam next week

eunbi: lol moon bin studying? you might wanna bring some wine with you for emergency y/n

you: lol what do you mean by that?

eunbi: binnie hates studying, but good luck!

ahh, eunbi becomes unhinged when it comes to bin

but you know it’s bc they’re that close, they’re literally childhood best friends, more so like siblings

still, studying w him couldn’t be that bad right?

spoiler alert, it went alright

you felt bad showing up to bin’s apartment empty handed so you picked up some coffee before you arrived

you officially meet bin’s roommate, eunwoo, and you’re floored for like 2 minutes bc literally how can a man like him be real?

cue bin being a bit jealous bc yeah he knew his roommate’s perfect but like damn did you have to be affected by him too :(

eunwoo’s a good teacher alright? you actually understood the material from him

you: idk what eunbi’s talking about, you’re actually not that bad at studying bin

bin being offended: oh god what did eunbi say about me

eunwoo smirking: maybe it’s because you’re here y/n, bin usually doesn’t focus this much when it’s just me trying to help him

you: ???

bin in his head: i can’t trust anyone huh

before you left his place, you and bin planned to meet up and study one more time before your stats exam

it was just you and bin this time

although you’d never admit it, yes you tried to look good for meeting up with him

yeah he’s a friend?? at least you think you were at that level?? but still, he’s a cute friend and you really didn’t want him to see you looking crusty

you and bin end up studying for a whole 5 hours

granted, half of that time you two were messing around, eating food, trying to procrastinate for as long as you could

bc even though you two had a good handle on the material now—thanks to eunwoo—you both still hated statistics

you knew bin started to get more comfortable with you bc he started teasing you

it made you happy hehe so ofc you started to quip back at him

not at the intensity that he and eunbi do but it’s enough for you :)

he walks you back to your apartment after your study session

wow what a gentleman

bin waving bye at your door with the cutest smile: see you in class y/n :)

mayhaps your stomach did a little somersault

anyways

on the day of your exam you were freaking out

you have test anxiety ah ha ha

you woke up at 5 bc you were paranoid about being late to class

you’re like hastily looking over the notes again when you get to class like are you really prepared omg you’re psyching yourself out hella

bin comes in with 2 cups of iced coffee and he’s like woah are you okay

you: i woke up at 5 bin, idk if i can do this omg

you are like visibly in distress rn and he feels like a pang in his chest

he was gonna mess with you and say like “bet im gonna get a higher grade than you” but he smartly decides against it

instead, he just takes your hand and gives it a little squeeze: y/n, take a deep breath. you’re going to do great, you studied your ass for this and we both know that you got this material down—even eunwoo hyung said you were gonna ace this exam. just trust your instincts, okay? breathe with me.

he was staring at you so intently and genuinely when trying to calm you down

your anxiety yeeted and suddenly you felt shy

you: th...thanks bin...

bin was worried about you while taking the test rip, he kept secretly glancing at you (while also trying not to make it look like he was cheating) just to make sure that you were okay

he walks you to your next class after you both finished your exam

bin: you sure you’re okay? you said you woke up at 5, did you even eat breakfast? let’s get food after your next class.

you were feeling better after the test but like you got so endeared at his fussing

yes you and bin got lunch that day

your exam results were uploaded the next day

you immediately called bin: I GOT A 95

bin: i told you that you would ace it! i got a 90 hehe

you: bin i literally owe you and eunwoo my life, lemme buy you guys food or something

you hear a little bit of bickering over the phone and suddenly you’re talking to eunwoo

eunwoo: i would love some sushi, but since bin can’t eat seafood, why don’t you come watch his swim meet this weekend :)

you: o...h...o-okay yeah i’d love to watch, what time is it? :)

eunwoo: it’s saturday at 10 am

you: okay! i’ll see you there bin

bin already planning on drop kicking eunwoo

cha eunwoo—best wingman™

you basically beg eunbi to go with you to bin’s swim meet

eunbi: i know bin can swim, why do i have to watch him flounder around under water

also eunbi: faster bin! don’t you fucking dare lose!

bin places first this meet

are we shocked? no

okay you mentally prepared yourself for seeing him shirtless, but clearly you didn’t prep enough bc you’re on the cusp of drooling when you’re watching him from the bleachers

and let’s face it, you’re not subtle and eunbi knows everything so she’s literally closing your jaw for you and like messing with you

eunbi: y/n, you’re really sure you like bin? he’s a good guy but c’mon, i think you deserve better

you: since when did i say that i like him ???? and what do you mean ??? i think he checks...all the boxes...for me...

eunbi: maybe it’s bc i’ve known him since when he used to wet his pants so i don’t understand why people are attracted to him, but like...really, you’ve been checking him out since he removed his shirt. even the ref can see that you’re simping over him

you and eunbi meet up with eunwoo and the rest of bin’s friends—that you haven’t met yet but know of

jinjin: oh so you’re the y/n that bin’s been talking about *wink wonk*

baby you’re blushing

even more so when bin comes up to your group

mmm middle parted wet hair, muscle tee and white sweats, towel around his shoulders

he’s so hot ???

you’re all congratulating him blah blah, but like bin keeps glancing at you and all you can do is just smile and like nervous laugh

sanha: y/n! eunbi noona! you should come eat with us to celebrate bin hyung’s win

eunbi glances at you, little smirk on her face: i have plans, but i know y/n’s free! bin you make sure they get home safe after y’alls dinner plans :)

hwang eunbi—best wingwoman™

dinner with the boys was chaotic, you were talking and joking around with them as if you didn’t just meet them today

*you about to get your wallet*

bin, not even able to look at you: it’s okay y/n, i got you this time

cue the boys teasing

astro: kings of making fun of each other

rocky as the group is splitting up: walk y/n home safely hyung :) don’t stay out too late

bin: sorry about them, they’re a bunch of loud idiots...ah haha...

the walk back to your apartment is actually pretty sweet

he didn’t know if you would actually come watch his meet or not but he was excited when he actually saw you

you talk about small random things about yourselves, but it’s not like useless information, you bet that both your subconsciouses are keeping track of whatever y’all are talking about

you give each other a “friendly” hug goodnight...that lasts like a minute or so

and while you’re hugging, bin just can’t help but think that wow you fit so perfectly in his arms

and on the other hand, you’re thinking he feels so warm? so safe? you don’t want to pull away?

but ofc the hug has to end and you’re thanking him for walking you home and he’s like glued to his spot waving goodbye sweetly and waiting for you to go inside so that he knows you’re safely in your apartment before leaving

bin sighing dreamily as he walks back to his and eunwoo’s place

eunwoo waiting on the couch with a glass of water: how was your date ;)

bin: it wasn’t a date, i just walked y/n home

eunwoo: yeah, but you want it to be a date

bin: ...shut up

god why is the pining stage so long

alright everyone knows you and bin like each other

it becomes pretty obvious after the swim meet

you and him fall into this little routine of switching who buys coffee for your 8 am

and then he’d walk you to your next class afterwards

you both still don’t pay attention in stats, sorry

but that means more outside study sessions dates

you come watch his swim meets, whether astro’s there or you’re just watching by yourself

and then you and him get lunch?? early dinner?? right afterwards, it depends on whenever his meet ends

but like??? neither of you have confessed your feelings for each other

even though you both have like a little hint that yeah the feelings are mutual

you and bin are literally like this for 3 months, like damn the semester is almost over

eunbi and eunwoo are tired of your shit, they’re both just like: when the fuck are they getting together? we’re sick of this.

alright so the masterminds literally pay one of eunwoo’s friends from his major to ask you out while you’re studying with bin

let’s do mingyu why not, he was in your korean history class last year

you and bin are in the library, half studying half goofing off per usual

eunwoo, eunbi, and mingyu are at the opposite side of the floor

mingyu: u sure bin won’t clock me for trying to ask out y/n

eunwoo: probably not??

eunbi: just do it please

mingyu giving them both the finger before walking up to your table

“hey y/n...i was wondering if you’d like to get dinner with me...as a date?”

you: o_o huh?

mingyu: i always thought you were cute from when we had class together last year, but i never had the balls to ask you out or anything...you’re not dating anyone, right?

you glance at bin to find that he’s already looking at you with an expression that you don’t really know how to read

you: um...well no I’m not-

bin: actually, we’re dating so y/n can’t go out with you mingyu, sorry.

mingyu’s not even phased, he just gives you a thumbs up and then leaves

you’re confused like literally what is going on—and then you process what bin said and you whip your head to look at him

bin: sorry i said that...i just felt...jealous i guess when mingyu asked you out

you: I wouldn’t have said yes anyway...I sorta like someone else

bin: fuck it, the topic already came up...y/n I’ve liked you for a while now but uh...I don’t know I guess I was scared to tell you because I’m scared of rejection

you just laugh, but not mockingly! more like bin you’re so cute wtf

“bin, why would I reject you when I’ve literally been into you for the past four months?”

it’s safe to say that you and bin officially began dating after that

eunwoo texting in their gc: bin and y/n are finally together

myungjun: fucking finally

bin: how...did u know that eunwoo...?

*eunwoo has left the chat*

alright but bin’s charm?? flirting?? teasing?? sweetness?? up 1000%

bin is touchy y’all, in private his hands are always on you, whether it be sexual or not sexual is up to you

he restrains himself in public ofc, the most he does is put a hand on your waist or hold your hand

eunbi threatens bin early on in your relationship: bin you’re like my brother, but y/n’s one of my dearest friends and if you as much make them cry i will kill you

ofc bin is still eunbi’s punching bag, but when you three are hanging out, he’s dramatic and acts like he’s hurt so he’s like whining to you

sometimes you play along and coo at him like: aww binnie, where does it hurt baby?

other times you’re like: you really think i believe that?? with the size of your biceps??

eunbi: excuse me while i vomit

okay but binnie? bestest sweetest boy

yes he looks all big and intimidating

but he’s soft—especially for you

your nicknames for each other are either “bub” or “baby”

yes will join in making fun of you with the boys, but when you start pouting he’s a goner and will defend you

bin is also a big cuddler, but i mean you’re not complaining hehe

he’s the big spoon, no questions asked

okay but being in bin’s arms is like your favorite place in the world

his frame literally just envelopes you and all you can feel and smell is him and it’s so??? content, you feel at home with him

you feel bad in the morning bc like his arm has to be sore from your weight so you try to like get out of his grasp, but he literally just whines and hugs you tighter

okay but just imagine you and bin napping and his arms are around your waist, his nose is buried in your neck and he wakes up like nuzzling his face in your shoulder like a puppy

im soft

one week you’re staying over at bin’s apartment and then the next week he’s staying over at yours, the cycle goes like that

if you’re one of my ladies with a ~vagíne~, he will buy all your cravings and your tampons/pads, literally anything you want that week, it is yours

doesn’t really get jealous now that you two are official, he knows that you’re his and he’s yours

you two lightly bicker like friends, but you’ve never had a terrible fight before

you were really close to though—or...like you did?? but it was resolved really quick

one of the only problems of bin is that he hates showing weakness and it takes him a whole lot to truly fully 100% be vulnerable with someone even if it’s someone close to him

he pulled a muscle in his arm and it cost him one of his swim meets

he had to go to rehab for like a month and you knew that mentally he’s been off bc of it

you try to ease talking him into telling you about how he’s really feeling but he just kept dodging the subject

one night after one of his rehab sessions, he came back to your place and you’re just like

“hey bubbie, how was rehab? how are you doing?”

and he just snaps at you: stop asking me how I am, y/n, it’s getting really annoying

you’re taken aback, like what the fuck where did that come from?

your eyebrows furrow and you cross your arms bc you are not going to get spoken to like that

“so me worrying about you and wondering how your recovery’s going is annoying? that’s what a partner is supposed to do, moon bin. what’s going on with you?”

bin: you’re being suffocating! it’s the only thing you ask me about nowadays, sometimes I—

oh boy you got mad

you: I ask you because I know you’re not telling me things! I know you’re suffering by yourself and I want to let you know that I’m here for you, I want to help take some of the pain away or at least help you deal with it because I’m your partner! but how can I if you can’t even let me in?? we’re fucking dating moon bin, we’re supposed to go through rough times together. and you call me suffocating...?

bin’s silent and he’s looking at the floor

you sigh, tears are building in your eyes because you’re frustrated and a bit hurt by what he said, and your voice cracks when you speak again: if i’m suffocating you, then you should leave. text me or something when you can breathe again, I don’t know.

there’s a bit of spite in your words, hidden by the pain

bin sees the tears rolling down your cheeks and that’s when he knows he fucked up

he’s never seen you cry before—besides like from a sad movie or something

so like the fact that he made you cry and hurt you with his words? damn he hates himself rn

he immediately wraps his arms around you, and you like try to push him to get away bc why is he hugging you? didn’t he just say that you were suffocating? why is he confusing

bin: baby, I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have taken out my frustrations on you, you’re not suffocating me I promise...you’re right about everything, I should be sharing things with you and telling you how I’m really feeling...I’m sorry.

you don’t say anything and just like sniffle and he picks you up and brings you to your bedroom and then he just lets it all out

he tells you how rehab is hard and like yeah his muscle pain is going away, but he doesn’t know if he can swim as fast as he used to and that scares him

and he tells you that sometimes he’s thought of giving up swimming since his injury, but then he thinks of you and that’s how he’s still going through with rehab

you’re his motivator and comfort but he doesn’t want to show you his weak side bc he hates that part of himself

and at this point, bin starts tearing up and you’re like stroking his hair to try and comfort him

bin: I’m not good at telling my feelings baby...probably why I didn’t tell you I liked you until 4 months later...but I promise I’ll work harder and at least try and tell them to you.

ugh pain

anyway your communication with serious things got better after that encounter

eunbi finding out that you and bin argued and he made you cry and she literally punched his stomach

you: omg eunbi stop

bin: it’s okay...I sorta deserved that

eunbi: why...are you not swearing at me? shit, bin are you okay?

he nods to the girl and just puts an arm around your shoulder: we talked things through, don’t worry. I’m all good now, but I did deserve that punch because I hurt y/n when I promised you I wouldn’t

bin ends up having a full recovery and bam his first swim meet after he got the clear from the PT, he gets first place again

all the boys and you and eunbi were there supporting him

bin was hella nervous before the meet started, but you gave him a little good luck kiss and was like: I believe in you bub, no matter the result, as long as you give it your all and don’t hurt yourself again, you’ll be the winner to me :)

this was actually when the first “i love you” was said

after your little pep talk in the locker room, bin’s just hugging you and holding you for comfort

and he just went out with it

“I love you y/n”

you blush hella hard bc you were not expecting that

obviously you’ve been feeling it like yeah your feelings for bin have grown into love for a while now

you just bury your face in his chest and hug him tighter

“I love you too binnie, now go get em bub.”

he smiles and kisses you and tells you that he’ll see you after the meet is over

you come back to the crowd where the boys and eunbi are and you just have a huge smile on your face, you’re literally glowing

myungjun: please tell me you guys didn’t fuck before his swim meet

speaking of fucking

okay let’s get down and dirty ladies and gents wink wonk mmm grr bark bark

bin is so sexy y’all like i dont need to tell you that

he’s 100% a tease

you have a little muscle kink hehe

which bin very much uses to his advantage

if bin is wearing a sleeveless shirt, you bet he wants to smash that day

will walk around shirtless after a shower or after a workout just to turn you on and then depending on his mood, he might tease you for like an hour or you’ll just get right to it

he’s very proud of his body and the work he put into it and knowing that you get turned on from one look of it?? gives him an ego boost, he loves it

one time at a party, he wore a crop top (mm hello bad idea bin) and you literally went feral

you dragged him inside the nearest bathroom and just started making out

he’s an ass guy

...all of astro are ass guys, it’s just obvious with how much they slap each other’s asses and poke each other’s assholes

okay you know how he’s touchy right? i mentioned that earlier

he always wants you on his lap

even if there’s a space available, nope your seat is his thighs

ofc when the situation allows, like you’re not gonna sit on his lap in class duh

most of the time in public like if you’re hanging out with the boys or something, it’s innocent

but if he wants to be a tease, he’ll literally just tighten his grip on your hips and grind you down onto his cock

subtle, he won’t straight up thrust into you

just enough to get his dick stirring and make you feel the outline of it through your pants

and then he just stops and hugs your waist again?? wtf

his major’s exercise science right? will ask if he can practice on you for anatomy and physiology, but you know after touching you in a couple places, y’all will just end up fucking

likes to bite and mark

very proud seeing the hickeys he leaves on you

you can bite, but you can’t bruise, idk his upper body is exposed a lot bc swimming so you can’t really leave any marks on him unless it’s the off season

foreplay’s cool, but he prefers the main event, he just wants to be in you

as much as he loves doggy, his fav position is the hook

(it’s when your legs are on his shoulders ohoho and it just lets him fuck you in a deeper angle mmm)

also in the hook, he can choke you

if i have a choking kink, you have a choking kink

okay little tangent, choking is so hot?

like just imagine you and bin are making out, he pushed you against the wall, literally grinding his hips into you, and his hand just comes up and squeezes your throat? that’s so sexy

likes butt stuff oops

i don’t make the rules, he just does

daddy kink, but no power play

will not degrade you (even if you really just want him to call you his dirty slut) bc he really values seeing you as equals

seeing your face when you cum is a must

almost always: you cumming → bin cumming

nothing gets him off more than knowing that he’s making you feel good

after !! care !!

sweetest boy!!

will clean you up with a warm towel after sex

and if you’re one of my ladies, he will always remind you to pee so that you don’t get a UTI

if y’all had a marathon or something, he will draw a bath and carry you to the bathroom and you will bathe together, so soft

always ends sex with an i love you :’)

okay let’s get back to the soft stuff

special thing about swimmer bin: pool dates

sometimes when he’s practicing and it’s just him, he asks you to come to the aquatic center and you two end up splashing around and being cute together

he like knew that you were the one for him some time during senior year

it was the holidays and his parents invited you to spend christmas with their family since your parents were out of the country this break

his parents and sister liked you immediately—which you were so scared about, but bin just knew

you woke up early christmas eve (and bin was out like a rock) so you just went downstairs to brew some coffee or something and you saw that his mom was already starting on making food

naturally, you offered your help and she was like no, you’re a guest y/n, but obviously you started helping

bin comes downstairs like an hour or two later to see you, his mom, and his dad just cooking and listening to christmas music and talking and his heart just like swells??

you: morning binnie :)

his mom: how can you be sleeping when y/n’s here helping us with christmas dinner

his dad: what kind of boyfriend are you, son?

just kidding all jokes

but that’s the moment when he knew

best boyfriend bin ugh

he becomes a legend in the school for swimming

but doesn’t continue after college, he’s all about becoming a physical trainer after graduation

he goes to grad school, while you’re out working in business

bin moves in with you after graduating, it was the obvious next step

you do talk about the future together, but obviously bin’s still in school and you’re both fresh from undergrad so there’s no rush yet to tie the knot

doesn’t stop his or your parents from talking to you two about marriage tho oops

ugh but the domesticity after bin moves in with you? superb

like yeah obviously you both basically lived together anyway when he still roomed with eunwoo just from how much you and him spent at each other’s places

but like your apartment is now both of your place and it’s like your home is finally complete

your apartment becomes the reunion place for the boys and eunbi

at this point everyone knew you and bin were gonna get married eventually

eunwoo and eunbi: we did that ;)

and that’s how you and your college bf!bin live happily ever after uwu

happy birthday binnie moonbob ♥

1-25-21

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imreallyfkinsorry-blog · 5 years

Text

Honestly right now i feel like shit. This was the last thing i ever wanted to happen. Did you really have to block/unfriend me on everything. Do u really not want to be my friend that badly, i was really upset u didnt even message me once over these 4 days like u wudnt even know, but i accepted it because of u and ur situation, i was ok with not talking to u for months if it atleast meant i can still be your friend, i was so happy for you when i saw ur results like u wudnt believe, i almost called you the second i saw, im still sooo proud of you, i was so excited when i heard u reached this morning i wanted to be the first one to hug u and congratulate you but u cudnt even look me in the eye, that really hurt, i mean like really cant i celebrate your achievements with you? Cant i be happy for you? Even after all that i still bought a freakin slice of cheese cake for u just now in massy to surprise you tomorow, but now i saw that im unfriended. Is what im doin really that bad? All the headpats and snacks and stupid jokes, the cup the pens, the kfc, the chinese food, the bestie card the worrying about you, even not messaging you after 4 or on weekends, even when alicia asked about the art supply crap i told her i probably forgot to give u, I really didnt know i was causing u so much pain, those stupid little things made me so happy, like soooo happy at this shit job, i even got super friendly with like everyone in the office so it wudnt be weird when im around you. Like everyone really likes me now like you wudnt believe, everyone just comes up and touches me or makes some joke or pushes me and honestly thats all thanks too you, the fay-cade is serious af, ugh it may sound like im just rambling on but thats because i am just rambling on, this may very well be the last message i send you so im sorry if its long i just have alot to say. I even made a new account since u know im probably blocked. Look tbh i understand y u blocked me and dont want to talk to me outside of work u think this is gonna make ur relationship healthier and perfect and at the end of the day as much as i throw tantrums and bitch about u not messaging me and neglecting me, i still do 100% platonically love you, you are still MY best friend you can block me, unfriend me even pass me straight in the office, nothing is gonna change that,i may not attend your wedding but i want you too know i want you to be happy,i genuinely do, you fucking deserve that, you deserve the best tho i not gonna lie and say ur not an asshole or very immature or that u treat me like shit, but jesus tap dancing christ its those little things that you do that make me soo happy, i just want you to be sooo happy and i want to thank you for being my friend, like really, thank you Lorrie. I can never hate you....

Nvm u made me cry today,i was setting up this cool joke from a tiktok vid i saw and u just ripped me apart, i had to go outside to play it off, now stacy ann thinks i hav corona or some. I was dissapointed in u in that moment but i will never hate you so u can hate me all you want, act agitated with me all you want, act like im bothering you all you want, im still gonna pat ur head, smile with you, bring you snacks and defend you whenever i hear the slightest inkling of someone insulting u. You know what u were being a dick for today im gonna eat your cake now. Btw my friend came to pick me up today thats why i stayed back late then i saw u, were u running from me? Thats kinda freaking depressing and kinda really hurt but still

I DO NOT HATE YOU,

Still i am sooooo fucking proud of you tho, fucking distinctions hoe fucking hell you bad bitch.

Im probably gonna leave JD soon so please please please please dont hate me until then, i cant deal with passing you straight and not talkin to u, we can talk about suppliers and staplers for hours if u want, im just sooo fkin sorry i made u feel like that so please dont hate me, honestly there really is something wrong with me, im trying to work on it.

I started writing this to fkin get everything off my chest and tell you y i hate u but i cant, i really cant.if today or tomorrow something happens to either of us i dont want today to be the way we remember each other.

You're my friend, you always will be, even if everyone is against you, even if its 40 years in the future, even if you never talk to me again, you can always come to me, i will always be there for you, no matter what.

Btw if u think ghosting me is gonna get u away from me buyin you a birthday present then you dont know me atall.

Can you atleast just add me back on facebook, this actually really bothers me, i really like to see the shit u post once in a while, i promise never to message you and i promise not to post anything so u wont have to see me...please.

If not then ok, im still gonna be down but i dont hate you and i am soo sorry i forced you to have to go this far i really really didnt wanna hurt you. Being your friend has made me so goddamn happy these couple months,like every single day was something to look forward too but if i have to sacrifice my happiness in order for you to be happy,as much as ot fucking hurts, then so be it, I can live with that.

Thank you for being my friend, like truly thank you,that meant so much to me even if it was for a short while. Thank you.

Again im sorry and please dont hate me

Lol now finish the cake.

Im so proud of you, u smart muthafker and im lovin the person your becoming, strong, intelligent and beautiful. You deserve to be happy, you earned that right and i hope you get everything you want. Im praying for it, like to indian jesus and the spagetti monster.

Good bye, i may not come tomorrow.

Pawny stays with me until i leave, no kidnapping or chicken protective services😤

Thank you for everything, thank you for being such an amazing friend and for being there for me I really and truly appreciate it...... and please dont not forget me.

Add me back😢

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knifey-shivdarks · 5 years

Text

i’m having them biracial blues and this is 100% a rant about my life written in some weird ass...i dont know man, i got up in my feelings and it’s hardly coherent but

gif credit, cuz i couldn't get it in the actual gif adder thing

i dont think ill ever forget schoolyard taunts about my thick, black body hair. or that my eyes were demonic because if the light didn’t shine just right, they could almost be black. or that my eyebrows were too big and oh they can see a little bit of hair connecting between them. i never forgot when the girls who were supposed to be my friends started calling me broccoli nose because it’s wider than theirs, you see. or when the boy i had a crush on and a boy who’d always been my friend decided that instead of friend, i should be their yard workers or maids or harvesting their food but its funny ha ha cuz that’s what mexicans do! i wont forget that my hair was boring and why is there so much of it? why is it frizzy? “because i dont have that problem!” said the girl with strawberry hair. and the color! black, but just shy of the inkiness that is beautiful.

i won’t forget that my skin was brown or that the little girl i ran into at toys-r-us, excited and chatty because she’s a friend i thought, walked away with her mother berating “you didn’t tell me she was mexican!” as i stand next to my red-haired, light skinned cousin. i wont forget that no one could say my name proper and it was never worth the effort to try and it didn’t matter if they’d known me for years because it was too foreign on their tongue and it didn’t matter. but heaven forbid i didnt properly pronounce theirs because “its not that hard!!!!” it’s only hard when its attached to someone like me, right? even when it comes from europeans just the same, forced onto my people like the blood of theirs in my veins as a result of their violence.

i’ll never forget thinking my abuser of seven years was so beautiful, right to the very end. i wont forget being eight years old and fighting against fear every time i saw her but going all the same because she was all golden hair and ocean eyes and certainly that means shes good. even as she tells me to shave my hands, my stomach, get rid of the nasty hair that makes me look like an ape. even as she tells me my mouth is too big, my lips look like they’ve been stung. i suppose we are taught, then, from youth to see beauty in our aggressors. for how lucky we are, just to be in their presence. i felt that, in some obscure way. desperately and with all of my being i felt that and hoped and prayed and wished that i could be her.

that i could look like her. it was all i wanted, to look like her because maybe then the world would look at me and see something pretty. something worthy of love. beautiful, and good in all the ways i was told - even without words - that i couldnt be. something worthwhile.

i wanted to look like the mom who raised me. the one i wanted to be perfect for even when she never asked me to be, never even implied it. because to her, i already was. she always told me i was beautiful. braided my hair and kissed my cheek and told me all the things i got from my family that lived across the country, some still in mexico, and why it was such a beautiful thing. do you know what it’s like, that the person who sees you as a treasure is the one no one would ever connect you to? to go out with your mom and your two friends, and people are shocked to hear that youre her child and not the blue eyed blondes? even with her brown hair and hazel eyes and no features to share besides, it was more believable that they were her daughters rather than you.

their only similarity being the color of their skin and yet the message is clear even if you can’t articulate it: you couldn’t possibly be from her, someone who belongs to the group that sets the standard for beauty and worthiness.

that wasn’t me, brown skinned and dark haired and with every feature that runs strong in my papa’s family. my tia said it herself, when i was born. “oh julie, im so sorry. she has the family nose” because she knew, too. my beautiful tia who has no need for shame and she knew that my moms whiteness couldn’t protect me because their features showed full force in me, left no place for my mom’s family to show itself.

i wont forget that the world told me from day one that i was less than. i would always be less than. it’s awful funny, that i lost my love of the outdoors when i first heard that it darkened you. no more summer days spent in the pool, fingers pruning but refusing to get out. no more bike rides, gone in the morning and returned by dinner. no more outdoors karaoke or baton twirling in the driveway. the tree i once loved is abandoned and the branches i’d climbed till i couldn’t any longer grow weak and lonely with time, missing the child who’d settle in and fall asleep in its branches. the warmth of the sun was something i deprived myself of for years with only the wishes of lightening my skin, getting rid of just one of the many things that separated me from everything i thought i should be.

but i found that it didn’t matter how pale i became. because, you see, it’s not a lightness that indicates whiteness. its an “i havent seen sunlight in a year” kind, one that doesn’t fool many and never for long. and how could it? my name would betray my heritage even if my features didn’t.

at twenty-eight, i still havent recovered. i havent learned how to live under the sun again. i havent learned to rediscover that kid that would wait for the weekend and the adventures it’d bring, step outside my door and into the sunlight and stay there in the world, under the heat of the sun until it started retreat into the night.

i wont forget that all expectations of me were based around what i looked like, what they saw in my name. how surprising it was, that i might know things. how unexpected it was, that i understood anything. after all, how could i deign to perform better than some of the other girls, the ones that were expected to go places when it was quite clear where most people expected me to end up.

it didn’t take long, for anger to show itself because it was easier to show that than shame, sadness. it’s strange, that at twelve, a black girl calling me a “white bitch” was offensive for the first part rather than the last. white...white....the thing i wanted to be and yet i was angry when she called me that. angry even if i didnt understand why, at the time. but i do now. i understand the fury in my bones at that moment when she pushed me and i swung back, a kid noted for being quiet and well behaved because i couldnt believe that she saw that.

that because i was not darker then my struggle did not matter. that because i did not look like her, then my disadvantage didn’t exist. the one thing id yearned to be a part of felt like a fist to the gut to be sided with because...i wasn’t. it was the first time i realized that maybe there wasn’t a place for me. that i’d be doomed to be too white for all the people who could empathize with my struggles and too brown for all the people who’d been a source of them.

and it only got worse when people would thing, for appearance, that it was better. but its not a compliment to be fifteen and having a guy hit on you because he “likes them spicy” wink-wink, nudge-nudge. it’s not a compliment when someone wants you to be his spicy hot tamale. even when the things that were detriments about me aged into something desirable, it was twisted and tainted and never felt like anything close to acceptance.

and then....and then to get out of all of it, all those moments that tore me down and made me ashamed to be who i am and realize the beauty in my features, in my wide nose and big lips and dark hair all over my body. to learn to love these features that mark me as part of a people with a history so rich and roots so deep into the soil of this continent...to learn these things and fight against all those ideas and people who ever made me feel otherwise and then be told that it is not my place. that it isn’t true, what i said. that i am pale and so that means i am white and i don’t know racism because my mom is white.

it’s a unique thing, to be biracial, and i dont think people talk about that enough. one foot in one history, the other in another. both but not enough for either to accept you. and i know that truth, too. i remember family gatherings with my moms family. i remember feeling always like my brother and i were julie’s little mistakes. oh sure the words were not spoken but in a sea of white people who married white people and had white children...the contrast makes you aware.

aware that you are not a fit. aware that they will love you only if you never bring up your papa, never bring up the aggression against you simply for existing as a product of love and understanding between people from such different worlds. little whispers about your papa that you wont understand for years as your mom shakes her head no, no, he’s a good man because her love has never gone. changed, perhaps, from what it was. but steadfast and true. they criticize him for his drug problem but she tells of a man who always took responsibility for his failings, always admitted his wrongs, never harmed a hair on our heads.

a good man who is sick but a good man nonetheless.

both, but never fully one or the other. and they let you know that, too. even the ones you’d thought all your life were the few that accepted you fully. but then you argue, you fight to defend your people against the new husband of a cousin you loved so much. the anger...the anger feels like a heart about to explode because it isn’t all anger. its fear and sadness and hurt and the anger is what you grasp onto, inflate as you stand shaking to take a breath, get distance before a panic attack has set in. you do that a lot in life.

and you hate crying but you sit on the front porch doing it anyways. your mom knows better than to follow but your aunts dont. so they come and they talk and they try to ask whats upsetting because well we were talking politics, people don’t always agree.and you scream, voice breaking “he’s talking about my people!” because how could you have ever identified with whiteness? but you don’t find understanding or comfort. only your favorite aunt, the one you loved for so many years, the one you thought accepted you no matter what, says with just as much passion: “we’re your people!”

and you realize, in your mid-twenties after a lifetime of being mistaken, that the acceptance is only if you throw away a part of yourself. that only if you will forget your mexican half do you matter. that they would prefer to forget you’re not white because how can they possibly love you if you arent?

it’s a lonely thing, too. because your papa is sick and he did not do right by you in the all right ways. and you spend your childhood missing him, wanting to live with him because living with mom is too painful if that’s what it will be like. but it bitters, too. childish ignorance cant last forever and for years you are angry, furious, refusing to see his sickness as that and instead as a choice he made.

he chose to leave you. to stay with a woman who looks like him, to create a child who belongs. one who learns his native language and gets all that you dont. the good and the bad. it....hurts, that the first words your little brother says to you are in a language you cant understand because your father...he lived far away for so long and where else could you learn when your mom can’t speak it, either? he’s three and spanish will be his first language and age will bring anger that this is so when your attempts through your life just never seem to work.

you just cant seem to make the words right. they feel wrong on your tongue and youre sure it’d make anyone who knows the language laugh.

people often dont get why i am offended by being called white. because well, im not, for one. sure, my skin is pale but my features are not those of a white person. to reduce it to that is so offensive when my experience has been lived as a person of color. it’s rare that people assume i’m white. and yea, it makes me mad when they do.

because i haven’t benefited from whiteness. i have never been treated as it. ive noticed people treat me poorly by my name alone, before they’ve even seen me. my MOTHER has noticed this. she kept my fathers name and she’s told me before appointments made at new places, she is often regarded more rudely but when she shows up and they see her whiteness, it changes.

for me, though, the biggest indicator is that other mexicans seem to....know. its a blessing and a curse. its adorable when little mexican kids come up to me, start trying to say something in spanish. it makes me feel this...wanting. to be a part of that culture, to learn more that i havent been able to because im across the world from everyone who was meant to connect me to it. but it hurts, too, because its another realization of my defect.

that i am a part of them, but only partly. and not everyone is so kind. some will see my distance from my heritage as sign enough that im not a part of it at all.

this...really got away from me and honestly, i dont even feel like ive really scratched the surface. this wasn’t meant to be a “poor me” but to be honest.....just because people have it worse than i do, and i KNOW they do, doesn’t make my suffering less significant.

so much in my life i have been told my people of color that i cant say anything and i have no right to it and this and that and whatever because my skin is pale. some try to make me say im white passing if i must engage but you know what...fuck that

if i was white passing, this post wouldn’t exist.

#personal #man this got away fromme aklfhjlakdjfkajh #LEGIT LIKE A RUNAWAY TRAIN #it was borne of a post i was gonna make about something i noticed about my writing and then it segued into me having emotions #look i dont talk about like....this a whole lot #basically cuz ive been shamed into not talking about it lmao #i dont expect this to be read cuz its yanno mostly for me but #its...nice if you do?#idk how to explain this but if you read this post i just wanna say like...thanks for caring enough about what i have to say to read it #that means a lot #i feel like the contents of this would be obvious but lmao #racism cw #abuse cw #uhhh idk what else #i dont think im missing anything

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priismn · 5 years

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hi, friends ! i’m dri (nineteen, she/her, pst), ur local Mess bringing my girl pris ! she’s a new muse, so i hope y’all don’t mind any potential rambling under the cut ! if you’re interested in plotting connections, feel free to im me or catch me on d*scord @ pray for dri’s kneecaps#7258 ! pls bear with me bc my response times are Quite unpredictable ;/

c://priscilla_moon/quick_facts.txt

name: priscilla ‘pris’ moon

age: twenty-one

pronouns: she/her

orientation: bisexual

hometown: mountain view, california

c://priscilla_moon/about.txt

pris grew up in norcal pretty much... all of her life. her family was in the upper-middle class as her mother was an executive for a pharmaceutical company and her father a well-reputed patent attorney.

from the get-go she was set up for success in whatever path she decided to take in life. enrolled in piano lessons at an early age, prep classes that took up far too much of her time on the weekends, her parents brought up their only child with a lot of pride which placed a lot of pressure on her.

at the age of eight, they began enrolling her in figure skating lessons because she watched ice princess and wanted to be just like the main character casey. turns out, she took to the art in such a way, one might have labeled her a prodigy.

her parents saw this as their golden ticket to having the most impressive child out of their circle of friends, athleticism and academia forming a power duo that would be used to boast and place their daughter on a pedestal.

over time, figure skating became an integral part of her life. numerous afternoons and evenings spent at the rink, it was no surprise that a majority of her friend group was composed of fellow skaters.

pris was on her way to participating in competitive figure skating, and when she was 12, her parents began sending her to competitions. particularly during her high school years, she was locally known as an ace on the ice, stacking up several awards as each season progressed.

every now and then, she would question whether or not she actually enjoyed the sport, or just enjoyed the pride her parents felt in their daughter -- it was probably the closest thing she would experience to parental love. she was afraid of what would happen to their dynamic if she suddenly decided to step back.

in the beginning of her senior year of high school, she suffered a knee injury during one of her practices -- a rather ambitious routine sending her to the er. pris was informed that she would no longer be able to skate, at with that, she felt her identity crumbling apart. her dreams of collegiate skating ruined, and the incident served as the catalyst for the turning point of her life.

she drifted apart from her group of friends -- people she essentially grew up with -- because she was no longer present at the rinks, and the sudden disconnect was too much for her. she didn’t want to be the odd one out, and they lowkey envied her and weren’t entirely mad about her injury. snakes.

as she expected, her family life also crumbled as a result of her injury. her father blamed pris for her injury, how she threw all of their hard work away. her mother was more sympathetic to her situation, and several heated arguments and conflicts of interest resulted in a divorce between the two parents. pris stayed with her mom.

when she headed off to college, she made a couple of friends -- selene and leon -- through her math discussion. aside from studying the course material, they also eventually began hanging out and forming a pretty solid trio. were they the best choice of friends she could have made? no, but she’s a lonely girl. let her live!

there was one occasion -- the occasion that pretty much accelerated pris’ downfall -- where selene became spiteful because some dude broke up with her and was trying to get this other girl whom selene was jealous of. so selene proposed a plan to ruin his chances with said girl, involving both pris and leon. pris was assigned to get close with the girl and subliminally tarnish the dude’s reputation. leon was assigned to attempt to intercept and pursue the girl. selene assumed that the chances of success were pretty good because of these two factors. though the result wasn’t what they expected -- the girl ended up falling for pris instead, resulting in a couple of dates before pris broke it off, feeling icky about the situation -- they technically succeeded.

afterward, selene and leon were like ‘wow that was lowkey fun!’ and pris was like ‘yea i guess?’ despite actually feeling icky about it because she’s afraid of leaving them for she has no other friends close enough as they were, really. so she just goes with it. they go on to spend the next couple years occasionally pulling similar stunts that sent a wave of adrenaline through the other two but stressed pris out every time. they, like, paid her to do the ‘dirty work’ a majority of the time. she didn’t care about the money but she took it anyway because friendship, right?

in their fourth year -- closer to the present now -- leon’s dad started dating this new woman and he didn’t like that at All. so they’re like, let’s roll! they send pris to sabotage the relationship, to which she obliges but is freaking out about because of, you know, morals. assigned to fabricate photographic ‘cheating evidence’, they sent her two addresses: the woman’s home and work. it took only one second for her to realize. the woman was her mom. not living at home with her, she had never been informed of this new relationship.

there’s this conflict of interest now, but the pressure gets to her and she tries to go through with it. however, thanks to the technology of find my friends, she gets caught the second trip she makes, the goal being to capture various instances of this ‘cheating’ which was actually just her and her colleague out of context.

her mother confronts her, and pris just begins shutting down. all she wanted was to not be lonely, to feel as if she belonged, to be loved. that’s when the world around her began to pixelate.

#virtualintro #no joke i apologize in advance if im rly rly slow at replying #this week is ..... Stacked

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chocafe · 6 years

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prom — wang ziyi

summary: a lavish prom experience wasn’t exactly what you wanted. all you needed is ziyi to be by your side for this to be considered a perfect night. pairing: boyfriend!ziyi x reader a/n: linong + zhengting + xiaogui + xukun + chengcheng + yanjun + zhangjing + other members to come soon

BEFORE PROM

you and ziyi have been dating for quite a while, so you guys were automatically prom dates without even having to mention it

“are you going to prom?”

“idk are you going?”

“i’ll go if you go”

“okay”

“so are you going????”

unlike the others, there was no need for him to do a giant promposal that causes the whole school to look at you

you were both on the casual side and liked to keep things to yourself

when it came to finding the perfect dress to wear for the night, ziyi decided he wanted to jump along to keep you company

“i’m sorry that you’re here with me. i feel like i’m just dragging you along.”

“why are you apologizing? i want to be here with you. this was my choice after all.”

he always knew how to put you in a good mood just by the choice of his words

even though ziyi was charming, he was no help at all because whenever you tried on a dress and asked for his opinion, he always said “you look beautiful in it.”

“i understand that you’re in love with me, but i need a serious opinion.”

this then resulted in him being in charge of taking photos of you in your dress, so you could send it to your friends and ask for their opinions instead

zhangjing: y/n... that dress isn’t cute at all. i can’t believe ziyi said you looked nice in it

zhangjing: sometimes you just have to drop that boy even if he’s so cute 😩🚫

PROM DAY

to be honest, you and ziyi are sort of inseparable

on school days, he’d come over to your house and study with you until the moon rises (depending on how long he stays, he sometimes has dinner with you and your family)

while on the weekends you two would have a small date at home, go out to explore the city or even hang out with your guys friends together

no matter what, you two were always with one another

if you weren’t able to see ziyi in person then you’d resolve the issue by facetiming him

just like today

let’s imagine you have an iphone #teamiphone

while you were getting ready for prom, you facetimed ziyi as he did the same on the other line

“you know, it’s considered bad luck if we saw each other before the event.” ziyi brought up as you curled your hair

“that only occurs when you’re getting married. remember, we’re going to prom.” you playfully roll your eyes

“then are you going to facetime me on our wedding day too?”

“can i receive a ring first?” you joked around with him

“you know that i can give you one anytime you please.”

you wanted to die because why was ziyi so CHARISMATIC

once you two were done getting ready, you ended your facetime call with him as he left to your house

you were quite surprised to see ziyi drive up to your driveway with expensive car and his handsome self

sometimes you forget how rich this boy is

i don’t know how much cars cost, but let’s just imagine this is a rich ass car that not everyone can afford

since he’s the best boyfriend ever, he always remembers to open and close the car door for you every time

sometimes, he even buckles in your seatbelt for you

it’s super cheesy, but it’s cute, so you don’t really mind

ONE HAND ON THE STEERING WHEEL ONE ON YOUR THIGH SHSKSHSKSK

while arriving at prom and entering the venue, ziyi notices how your dress is dragging on the floor

since your dress was too long for you, he decided to hold the back of your dress, so it doesn’t become dirty by touching the ground

he continues to do this for the rest of the night

just like everyone else, you two join the wide group of students and dance

when a circle forms on dance floor, ziyi is the first person to go in and show off his breakdancing skills

im still pressed over the fact that idol producer didnt show much of how good dancer ziyi is

in the middle of prom, you get warned out from dancing so much

you decided to sit down and ziyi follows you from behind (as usual)

he lets you rest your head on his shoulder

ziyi could be out there dancing, but he chose to be with you instead and watch you fall asleep on him

“you know, you come off as a cold guy to other people, but i’ve always thought of you to be warm and cozy.” you randomly say as you open your eyes, still resting your head on his shoulder

“was that a compliment?” he questions you as he raises an eyebrow

“trust me, that’s more than a compliment. it means that i feel like i’m at home with you and that’s the best it could get.”

without saying more, ziyi brushes the loose pieces of hair out of your face and holds your hand right afterwards

“y/n, i’m madly in love with you.”

it wasn’t your first time hearing that ziyi loved you, so you already knew how he felt about you. although, you still get butterflies whenever he did proclaim it

“you better be.” you giggled, squeezing his hand a tad bit. “i’ll always love you.”

it was true, you’ll always have a particular love for ziyi and he’ll also always have a special place in your heart no matter where the future will take you two

he was your first boyfriend and you were able to learn valueable lessons from him

you prayed that there will be a future for you two and he did the same

“should we go dance now?” you ask while rising up from your position

“let’s stay like this for a little longer.” ziyi grabs a hold of you and lightly pushes your head back onto his shoulder

you beam a smile as you gracefully snuggle into him

AFTER PROM

there was a party happening after prom, but ziyi secretly didn’t want you to attend it

he said, “it’s up to you if you want to go.” because he cares about your viewpoint and wants you to make your own free choices

the reason he didn’t want you to go was because there would be endless supplies of alcohol at the party and he didn’t want you to become intoxicated

all he wants is for you to stay on the safe side

you understood where he was coming from, so you decided to not go to the party

parties like these weren’t your type either

also you had a curfew

your parents wanted you to be home by 12am

with that being said, ziyi wanted to make sure you arrive exactly on time

“why are you driving so fast?”

“your parents want you home, so i need to get you thERE ASAP.”

he’s on good terms with your parents, so he’ll do whatever they say to continue to be on their good side

once you arrive home, ziyi opens your door and you automatically fall into his arms

you grasped his back while he also held you in his arms as he leaves a soft kiss upon your forehead

“i don’t want to leave you.” you quietly say as you dig your head into his chest, carefully listening to his heart beat

“we’re going to see each other on monday, so don’t worry about it.” he reassured you as he ruffled your hair right after

he drags you to your doorway, so you could finally go inside your house. he then proceeds to walk back to his car after he says his final goodbye to you

when your mother opened the door to let you in, she had a disappointed look on her face

“your father and i didn’t mean you really had to come back at 12. i wish you stayed out a little longer.”

your mother knew how fun life was when your in your youth years, so she wanted you to do whatever you wished to pursue

“does this mean, you don’t want me home?” you were slightly confused, but you slyly wanted to make a run for it and run back inside ziyi’s car

“i just wished you rebelled instead of following our rules.”

without responding back to your mother, you suddenly ran back to ziyi’s car and hopped in the front seat to reunite with him

“what are you doing here?” ziyi asked with a shock expression

ziyi usually waits inside his car until you officially enter your house, just so he knows you arrived safely

but this time he didn’t realize the conversation you were just having with your mother

“start driving.” you excitedly say while buckling in your seatbelt

“where to?” his lips curved into a mischievous smile

“anywhere as long as i’m with you.”

#wang ziyi #ziyi #ziyi imagines #ziyi imagine #ziyi scenario #ziyi scenarios #nine percent #nine percent imagine #nine percent imagines #nine percent scenario #nine percent scenarios #idol producer #idol producer imagine #idol producer scenario #wang ziyi imagine #wang ziyi scenario #✎

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slippingintoinsanity · 3 years

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Okay, so the pattern emerges, again. Get closer, show vulnerably, close off, push away, sabotage. I wonder if he has clocked it yet? I know I clocked it long ago in relationships, the ones I wanted to be in (so that would be one and a half so far). Those times I didn’t have enough self awareness to step back and observe, reflect, etc. now I can do that.

The problem is, you have traits so similar to mine. It’s like some crazy joke or a test?! Idk. Anyway, it’s like in you, I see the less self aware version of me. It’s like a delayed reflection of me. It makes me so curious about you. Connected to you. Idk. Is it toxic? Fuck knows.

This weekend you fucked up. More than once and last weekend. OUR communication was shit but you had me triggered with your attitude way before and I was past the point of reasonable or logical communication but I was able to control myself somewhat. Might have said I’m fucking sick of your mind games and some other shit but I wasn’t full on evil. I would’ve been in the past.

With the help of him I was ok… ping pong. 😑 Razor blade at my wrist, he calls me. Calms me, soothes me, says everything exactly right.

I wish I could talk to YOU like I talk to him. I love you but he knows what to say to me, how to calm me, he’s talked me down from cutting myself more times than I can remember. I try to bring you in. You ask me to tell you things but then you came even handle the conversation. So I withdraw. Does that mean you don’t care????

But. You, you are stuck in your head right now. I wish I could help you but I’m in the middle of this crazy intense therapy. I can’t help you too. I’m hanging on to life, barely at times.

I don’t want him. I wanted you. I don’t know if it’s possible. You’ll drag me backwards, probably and I’ll drag you deeper into your darkness as a result. You’ll have guilt if I self harm or attempt.

How hard to make a decision to walk away. The strength it will take to loose another person. It seems unbearable, just the thought.

We are attached to each other. From experience I know it’s the early stages of attachment. I have done more work. I feel like I should be responsible and walk away now. Make it stop wiser for us both.

…but the question is can I?! And if I can - you won’t let go that easily.

Why?!

Te dua shume zemra ime 😢😔

💔💔💔💔

If it wasn’t for my abusers, then my life might be liveable. Maybe we’d have met and be able to help you. I wish I could. I see your pain. I recognise the reactions, the defences, the trust issues, the fear, the misplaced anger. I see everything in your eyes my love.

I pray that we can do this somehow. I pray that both of our intentions are good.

I’m so fucking mad at you rn but still I love you.

#bpd thoughts #actually bpd #bpd relationships #living with bpd #surviving narcissism #recovery #borderline things #bpd fp

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shytiff · 4 years

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Mar 2021 Wins

1 - Work againn except the medical record ran out. So we went back at 12 am. Relaxeddd at home. Fasted today (still got 2 fasting debts to go). Meeting with dr dafsah dr bayushi and dr debby at 20:30. I embarrassed myself lmao,,, and what you can say as "asal bunyi". Let the overthinking and fear begin. I actually woke up 3 times during the night, lmaoo is it anxiety? Never happened to me before.

2 - we need to take care of administrations to get more medical record so we did. Wasted almost half of the day but we finally managed. Immediately fell asleep at home lmao

3 - the usual day in harkit. Asked more medical records. Planned to go to cp to see slip ons but the tj i wanted to ride went straight to kalideres so like the sane person i am of course i went back home. Timing is very222 great sometimes in life. Zoom meeting with the ever so kind dr eva. Mahmud and dela joined the assistant gang

4 - magang. Met dr eva in pediatric icu. late late evening lunch was kungpao chicken sec bowl (which i exclaimed as sweet. And then my friend said kungpao is supposed to taste like that. Huh). I was picked up after maghrib. Laid down in bed, playing my phone until 22ish and i fell asleep. Damn i shouldve slept earlier yknow

5 - magang. Ate spicy salmon onigiri from lawson for lunch. Went to btkv basecamp with mahmud since RM was a bit crowded. Not even 10 mins in, and we excused ourselves because misuh2 btkv near the computer on our table. Went to nonama in le meridien after magang with ara ness gen cal hanin amal alya. The sushi was so so (too much rice). Yay for lots of sashimi. Salmon kushiage was tasty. Salmon aburi cheesy stuff was tasty. Soba so so. Takoyaki explodes in your mouth. While waiting for mom, saw live piano performance in the lobby. Shes playing alone. I hope she knows someone out there appreciates it *oddly melancholic*

6 - slept in. Felt good. Hurriedly showered and got ready bcs i thot it was getting a bit late and turns out i arrived in halte kalideres 9:11 am lmao. Breakfast slash lunch was penyetan cok ayam. The sambal was not THAT spicy but my tongue has weakened now. Picked up some data in RM. Went to central park with my heavy ass bag to search for slip ons. Didnt find one yet. Went to kkv for the first time. Went back home and its heavy rain on the tj but dry in kalideres. Snacked on fitz cookies (its basically vegan tuffis) on the bus since i felt hungryyy. Juan bought chicken satay and when i arrived theyre all eating but i didnt feel like eating with them lmao (its been a while since i last did) so i just went upstairs, finished that fitz cookies, fell asleep in my mukena (after maghrib) and skipping isya :(

7 - didnt feel like doing anything when i woke up, but forced myself to open laptop for nemo. Played a bit of keyboard. Ate last nights satay. Rly was in a rut until i managed to shower (i last showered yesterday morning,,,) and felt a bit better. Even did night skin care and mask (which i didnt do lately)

8 - magang as usual while listening to curhat babu. I was still feeling "off" even though i was outside already. Felt a bit more normal after i had lawson's ice arabica gayo covfefe. Lunch was spicy sec bowl with extra chicken. Coffee's effect is amazing im just blown away. Like im not tired. I feel normal. I dont feel like immediately going to bed when i arrive at the house. Read and finished starving anonymous before bed. Its... A lot to take in. Especially before bed lmaoo

9 - mencret2 in the morning and i blame it on spicy sec bowl. my pace in magang is so slow why :( lunch is carbonara spaghetti from Barilla (29k with discount). It does make you feel full, and it is creamy. But the beef bacon is so few 😐 it will be more delish if it has more bacon. Picked up by mom after maghrib today. At 19:30 ish my stomach hurtedddd bcs of rising acid.its been a while since it happened. Thankfully mom bought tan ek tjoan and brownies. The ache dissipated after i finished my bread. Its so cold in the car tfff or is it my poor metabolism

10 - magang til after isya since tomorrow is a holiday. powered by lawson’s arabica gayo after lunch (good habit’s minimal-taste fried rice lol). while on the way back, kapjagiii ukmppd result announcement. alhamdulillah i passed. congratulated by some. slept late seeing people’s social media update.

11 - woke up late. didnt feel hungry, so i ate at 13:00 ish (tuna, peanut-chocolate sandwich). slept after eating. ghosted mahmuda calling me regarding after zuhur liqo. didnt pick up atikah’s calls. cant seem to talk lmao. rly rly tried to do dr dafsah’s excel this day, but cant seem to start my day. i was like “i’ll take a shower” but i didnt. “i’ll start the excel at 20:00″ i didnt. i just slept. and woke. and slept. dreamed about going to dufan with clara but we bailed since there was no promo. i practically didnt no anything today lol

12 - finally showered (that was supposedly done yesterday lmao). my pink flats broke down. i was the only one who come lmao. did dr dafsah’s excel and finished at 10. went to TA and tried popolamama’s ayce. tried chicken arabiatta (very tomato-ey taste, not a fan), pepperoni, bolognese and banana caramel with vanilla ice cream. Managed to eat 4 small pizza out of 9 flavor choices. While eating i remembered i came to celebrate passing ukmppd. so in my mind i pat myself in the back and said (not out loud) congrats for passing ukmppd. it felt bittersweet, but a nice validation. tried to search for slip ons again but didnt find one. bought a black top in uniqlo. started reading here you are

13 - lazed and lazed and jhs friends wanted to meet up but i cant even muster the courage to shower lmao. after zuhur was the meet up time but i slept at 12. lets go. come on. out. suddenly i have to build up a will to socialize just like with running. and i managed. left the house at 13:30-ish. went to ali kopi dm and got thai tea. slowly warming up my social battery. and then things felt a bit better. and we moved to flavola (got the somay). and talked we did, until suddenly its near isya. and then i had to go back bcs mom was being restrictive as usual. if it werent for that i would stay longer w atikah and pupuy. felt energized afterwards, read more of here you are and slept at 00:00 ish

14 - woke up, played some keyboard. im not prepared for another monday. Mangago is down. Unboxed my knockoff airpods that arrived couple of days ago. The sound and function was ok. Showered near the end of zuhur.

15 - magang as usual. Got out of my gloomy (felt a bit better) after going out. Lunch was ayam pedas lawson with added fried chicken. Also bought arabica gayo. Went back home before maghrib. Why must i be here while my dad talk about whatever before sholat maghrib. I hate it here. Ara and redita stayed over bcs theyre 'supposedly' going to rsut to pick up samples. Except it was cancelled and in the morning they went back to rscm,,,

16 - its only morning but i yapped abt worrying in our future to poor ekal who just sat there lmaoo. I told him how i realized im easily bored. Tried K-Chop for lunch, bought kimchi bokkeumbap, pajeon and kimchi jeon. The fried rice tasted like fried rice but with a hint of kimchi. Kimchi jeon was good and refreshing. the pajeon was basically egg with added ingredients. But it did make me feel full. Suddenly felt like singing life goes on with the keyboard.

17 - tried fitfut for lunch. Got mushroom chicken steak and katsu wrap. Their katsu is,,, simply put, tasteless. Like those HEALTHY healthy foods. The (small) chicken steak was ok. The mushroom sauce tasted good. Zoom call with dr dafsah at 12 am. More work i guess,,,

18 - fasted today. Still got 1 debt to go. Sahur was indomie, banana and protein shake. Did not feel hungry in magang but i kinda felt lightheaded. And then i cant take it anymore and went home at 2 pm. Arrived after ashar. Theres PLENTY of time to do stuff, right? Nope. I just laid in bed playing my phone til maghrib (iftar was chicken noodle) and continued until i fell asleep. My dream was absurd lmaoooo

19 - had custom salad hut for lunch. felt suuuper fult. bought pop cookies since it was the last day of grabfood’s 50% promo. was picked up after isya by mom. we talked with the resident who’s doing his thesis stuff and it turns out he’s from the same shs as mahmuda lmao. he bought kopsus and donat kampung for us, how kinddd :”) i said “mantap ni kakak kelasnya mahmud” and he said “kamu kan adek kelas saya juga”. kind seniors. i hope they have great careers and be successful and im learning to be kind from kind people. i dont know, im just easily touched by simple gestures lmaoo. first time trying tuku’s coffee. it’s smooth and creamy (like the milk and coffee unites (?)) and it doesnt separate when you leave it. its milky but has a strong coffee taste. Slept at 11 pm-ish, playing my phone

20 - lazed. saw long covid webinar. ate mom’s salmon mentai, pop cookies matcha cream cheese and dark chocolate. the dark chocolate one, especially a bit cold, taste soooo good wtf. concentrated sugar and chocolate at its finest. played some keyboard. saw youtube vids about the genius jacob collier. lent my byu phone number so ara could use it to catfish in coffee and bagel lol. bought sbux green tea and caramel macchiato 1 L for 100k + delivery fee and my bro said it tasted good

21 - tried pop cookies red velvet this time. Its super sweet yall and i thought martabak orins was the epitome of d40 bolus. did pamela reif 10 mins calorie burn that wont kill you. except i got doms WITHIN the day of work out. also attempted sun salutation and my leg is so damn stiff. did some work on sunday!!! wow!!!! (after wasting 2 weekends) finished skimming air gear lol. it still made me feel glorious.

22 - volunteered to help vaccination at rptra planet senen w akis els yud kind. Finished at about 13:30. We got chicken noodle, nasi padang and mcd lol. Went to senen bus station. Prayed there. Called mahmud and turns out theres no new medical record so i went straight home. Ate the mcd and lazed in bed

23 - vaccine volunteer again, this time in sd 01 kramat, w regen nagit red adita. Observation table again. Except its twice the amount of pt compared to yesterday. Nebeng redita to gang IX and walked to nessa's place. Went to GI and we watched violet evergarden (tif gen ness kris indah ara). The ac in the screenX cgv theater wasnt even on. Picked up by mom at 20:30 ish so i hurried down. The movie was hilarious w indah's commentary

24 - sooo sleepy and lazy but finally went to harkit. Waiting for pak oji to get medicak records, i shopped at sociolla lol. Bought eyebrow pencil, eyeshadow palette, blush since i dont have those (i only have cheap 3 color mizzu eyeshadow). Did some work. Met kiki in RM. "planned" to do the rest of magang work at home and arrivd back at 3-ish pm but we all know thats a lie. Lazed. Maghrib. Bought sbux 1L to have some caffeine through the green tea. Sinau airway class by dr zeta (focused thanks to the caffeine). Had some "awake time" left and did not feel sleepy til 10:30ish pm but i had to sleep since i got 1 more fasting to go 2mrw. No progress on magang work aaaaa

25 - had indomie, boiled egg, banana and protein powder for sahur. magang. emir took a while to pick me up even though i already told him the time im arriving and i ended up ordering grab lmao and he showed up right before the grab. liqo w kak kartika and mahmud while sipping caramel macchiato. did some translation (job by dr triya)

26 - picked up pld medal, gown and buavita (lol) at salemba and then went to harkit. met kiki again. lunch was k-chop. quite good and fulfilling. waiting for mom to pick me up before maghrib. Was lazying around at night and it turns out clara came w kefas. She called but dumb ass me had my phone on silent. She surprised me and came all the wayyy with a little tayo cake and a line friends pillow. I was awkward w kefas bcs im awkward w new people :):):) she went back and then i cried afterwards in my room. Fianti sent me a wish before midnight (somehow havent fell asleep) and then i close my eyes and go to the dream world

27 - had mie goreng for breakfast. fell asleep again. woke to silvi and racheel calling me and as usual my phone was not ringing. there’s racil silvi devi reza outside the door lmao. they (including atikah) surprised me with gift (a bag). i asked them to come with me to gi since im gonna eat w regen. we tried yakiniku like and the meat was juicy and yum, better then kintan. racil dkk ate marugame udon just below. wanted to get banban but it was so crowded. went back by grab. racil and atikah stayed over. talked until like 12 am. forced myself to pray isya.

28 - talked for hours like we usually do, tried some makeup bcs i need to practice for pld lol. tarik tiga to their place bcs i needed to borrow pld clothes lol. rearranged my room and i was sweating. i should’ve drank macchiato and did some work but i cant bring myself to so i just sleep. hangovers post feeling normal are never the best feeling

29 - woke up super late. cant bring myself to go to harkit. i feel like shit. sick and tired of feeling sick and tired ((quoting jhene aiko)). mustered some will to shower. rode my on bike pretending im going to harkit except im going to mcd. got big breakfast and lemon tea. went to flavola, ordered kopsus coklat and indomie + telor. Went back home after isya.

30 - Binge watching sean and kaycee’s vids lol it all began with their leave the door open dance :). went to harkit by TJ after the redcap was unaccessible at 09:30ish. lunch was truffle belly chicken mushroom (somehow there’s 50% disc). Took some needed data and went back home at 14:20. did (new) translation for dr Triya. finally drank homemade matcha latte after a while.

31 - originally intended to go to flavola after zuhur, but i just cant muster the strength. did dr triya’s translation work. didnt do any ecmocard today. felt like shit. ate the tayo small cake from clara. quite good and not too heavy. gladi kotor pld today. did green screen using mukena lol. fell asleep. skipped isya and the next morning’s subuh :( basically i ended march feeling like utter shit lol

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survivor-iceland · 5 years

Text

Ep. 5 - “i want to see a live reaction to this in the reunion chat” - Maynor

Stephen

Ahahaha by the grace of the inactivity gods im still here. This is my karma for suffering through the preseason of Erinsborough. Now, I may not have actually gone home, but who knows I had an gut feeling and those are usually right.

Stephen

*laughing about surviving* Jay: Music Videos! *stops laughing*

Dylan C

me: [volunteers to edit for this challenge] me: [regrets this 5 min later]

John

ok i have a LOT of tea that needs spilled so sit back, relax, and enjoy this feature presentation:

-first things first, cormac. why couldn’t you have just voted. i would have one more ally and stephen would be out. so thanks.

-second, zoe told me about her advantage and how she has connections to the other side so that we should have a group of 5 at the merge. so that’s mind blowing. i’m just like in shock because in a way, cormac getting pulled allowed me to be zoe’s number 1. and that’s amazing. we stan.

-third, sierra is driving me insane. constant overdrive from her, and she’s starting to cross the divide between helpful and micromanaging. she can micromanage herself out of the game for all i care.

-fourth, timmy is ADORABLE. i’m definitely trying to get a cross tribal alliance with him bc wow. he cute. like really. he’s cute.

Keith John

Well if episodes are named here, This title of this episode would be "How you get screwed When tribal council gets Cancelled."

From being in a safe position last night to waking up and realizing that I am screwed in this game.

First of all, THANK YOU CORMAC for going out at the worst time possible. Last night my name was thrown out by Stephen. So obviously people entertained the idea.I do feel that I would have stayed but Cormac's evac has changed alot.

I had a planned final three with Cormac and Zoe, with Cormac gone. I'm down one alliance member.

Stephen is still in the game. And I know he is targeting me.

Maynor never spoke to me about the vote much. Inspite of me approaching him before tribal to see if he wanted to work together

John. who said he would have my back and would tell me if anyone would throw my name out. Never told me about Stephen's plan. I am sure he knew about it.

Sierra and I haven't bonded much personally. A little my fault there.

And Lastly Zoe. I know for now she definitely has my back. And I have hers but it feels like my game is extremely dependent on her. I feel alot of people want to work with her. And how long will she want to work with me? That I don't know.

Honourary mention: JAY thanks for throwing a challenge that I would suck at the most. I hate being on camera, Hate singing unless I wanna punish someone.

Raffy

Cormac being gone kind of relieves me since he has been giving me bad vibes ever since day 1 of this game. Now that's just one more person that I do not talk to out of the way. I figure that merge is happening at 11 because Jay said there was a twist which can only mean that it is merge or that someone is coming back into the game. Maybe both. I'm just going to focus on winning this challenge for my tribe by providing the lip sync of my life. This shit is about to be so FIRE.

Raffy

I think I am fully in crackhead behavior. I just messaged 6 people at the same time trying to have conversations with them. This one world has made a mess of me, and I do not like it. Also, I am pretty much giving up on the idol because I don't want to go through the effort of hunting for it. So, instead, I'll just pray that it isn't used against me.

Maynor

Well. Now im not sure if Stephen vote was true or not but i have to rely on that my allies were gunna be with me. Its sad seeing cormac go since he was someone i connected with. But im glad it was done before tribal and not after tribal. Im hoping we could win immunity this round since im still feeling a little nervousish.

Maynor

Catch me voting out John for calling Timmy cute.

Omg. Like i want to see a live reaction to this in the reunion chat. Them finding out we are dating. 😂😂

Raffy

I kind of put my neck out there in this challenge by suggesting the song. While I am not editing the video, I did make the song suggestion which is almost as important. Perhaps this could lead to my downfall. Furthermore, I talked to Dylan and they said that only themselves, Ellie, Justin, and I submitted videos which means we are missing Timmy's and Joseph's. Plus, editing takes a long time, so Dylan might not even use their videos if they are late. I just hope what people managed to film is enough. I've never won a music video challenge, and I am hoping this game can change that. I'm not that confident though.

Raffy

I think I have made some strong connections in this tribe and the other. The people who I have talked about staying strong and working together include Justin, John, Dylan, Ellie, Timmy, and Keith. This seems like a diverse group of people that I can fall back on if one ends up turning their back on me. I always have to have back-up allies, otherwise I am liable to get voted out early in merge which I suspect is soon. I just want to establish myself in another alliance, but that seems hard in this game. I don't know who would be in that new alliance, but it would be some combination of the people I mentioned and others who I get good vibes from. Let's pray for me!

John

if rupaul was judging this music video challenge, she’d be telling us to sashay away. we are literally on the level of valentina with her mask on bad.

Ellie

Let’s hope that this damn video comes togather

Stephen

We’re losing this challenge. Theres only about 4/5 of us in the video, a lot of the video is from the original music video and the rest is... ok, but not great. Dylan CI wanna say we have a better video but I'm gonna be the most biased on the tribe since I edited the damned thing for about four hours. I had to sacrifice some synchronicity a little bit towards the beginning to get Ellie in for the 10 seconds for the extra points. I had originally trimmed her clip to what I could match up the best, but then I double checked the post lol. Hope the judges don't care too much there.

Dylan C

I'm not even gonna go feral. I'm just gonna lay face down on my kitchen floor for a while.

Stephen

I.... okay, im not complaining. But yeah judges thanks but the fuck?

Dylan C

I'm like, actually upset right now? Like not so much that we lost, but that I spent all that time editing, when I've been worried about getting all my homework done this weekend but I volunteered to edit and wasn't about to back out cos that'd be shitty!!, only to lose by 20 motherfucking points. And also? I worked with what my tribe gave me bitch!!! Raffy was the only one who recorded the whole song, Justin did like half, Ellie and Joseph only gave me short clips, and Timmy was sick so he didn't film anything? I just wasted my entire afternoon and evening on this when I have real life shit I should've taken care of, but I made a commitment to my tribe, and for what? Tribal that's going to be happening while I'm at one of my Thanksgiving events! Granted, that was going to occur regardless upon losing since I'll be busy both Thanksgiving and the day after. But fucking still. Kinda just wanna ghost the world atm.

John

i’m kinda torn that we won. on one hand, we’re safe. on the other hand, i wanted to vote out stephen. so like, i’m feeling mixed emotions. these people will be dangerous to take to the merge. i hope it’s not next.

Dylan C

Kinda funny how I was so zazzed to be strategic at the start of this but I really haven’t been since. Strategy? I don’t know her. Also I’ve been ass about socializing one on one with ppl on the other tribe so I have a feeling that’ll bite me in mine.

Sierra

By some miracle, we’re safe! I’m so glad that we don’t have to vote anyone out right now... especially because I don’t have my vote right now. Maybe I can make it to the merge and hide for the first vote there without having to vote.

Joseph Collins

I am confusion. Dylan did such a good job editing. Our tribe and group is such a great mix of personalities and stories. And they came together to blend and make an amazing video. I actually got emotional watching it. I was very surprised to find out we lost. And now, we have to vote someone off our tribe. I hate it so much. I feel like it’s gonna be Timmy. He was absent in the time-crunch immunity challenge. Even Justin showed up and showed out which I thought was awesome. I like Timmy. And I feel like this is a hard vote for others so now I have to go be cutthroat Jo

Justin

Alright, so another tribal for us. I feel better than last time, but I'm still not 100% confident I won't be targeted again. Before the results for the challenge came in though, Raffy approached me and started talking to me some more about working together which makes me feel better keeping him around. Especially since I realized that he talks to me more than Ellie, so honestly I want her out now cuz whenever I talk about working together she leaves me on read. So, in conclusion I don't want you in the game lol. At least Raffy talks to me and says he wants to work with me, even if it might be fake. I told Joseph that I would like Ellie out, but he says Timmy cuz he doesn't talk to him and he feels Ellie could be our shield. I don't want him to go yet because I feel like he would vote with me, but I'm not jeopardizing my game to save him since he barely talks to me too. Although Joseph makes a good point that Ellie can make a good shield, I feel like we have other shields to hide behind in Raffy and Dylan. Plus, I feel like she has more connections than Timmy could get if he keeps playing the way he is.

Maynor

Im so happy that we were able to pull of the win in immunity. Im making it to the final 11. I really want to make it far in this game. I am really hoping Timmy stays alive. Like i know its bias cuz we are together. But we normally dont play the game together. Im just hoping we can make it far together this time. Plus ❤️ Jay. It would be amazing if i won this game. Me winning my first and last game would be pretty awesome. So im going to try my hardest.

Timmy

So apparently Justin is going around saying my name. Does this idiot not realize that I’m the reason he stayed last tribal we went to. Like seriously, and apparently he’s telling everyone the same thing that he’ll be with them always. And he calls me inactive, like sorry you message me at 9am when I’m walking into work and j can’t answer you until like 5pm when I get out. He better leave this tribal. I wish it was happening tonight just to also move things forward.

Dylan C

Me? Lying by omission to Ellie? It’s more likely than you’d think. Justin gave me her name earlier, and I tried to talk him out of it. He made a comment about keeping it between us. Now Ellie’s told me that Justin through her name out. “Between us.” Sure, Jan. And hey, I never mentioned it to Ellie or Raffy in our alliance chat (which exists as of last night). So I did keep it between us unlike him. Didn’t mention it because he had a decent point about Ellie’s strong social game, but now isn’t the time to try to get her out, IMO. Especially since I’ve just allied with her. Granted, I’ve turned on allies shortly after making alliances before but that’s not happening in this game. No way. So, I just acted like I didn’t know when Ellie told me and I’ll keep on that. That’s how I’ve been doing a lot: acting like some information people has given me is new to me (usually with Joseph tbh) when it isn’t new at all. Just kinda agree, maybe say I was already thinking about that, but not imply that I’d been Discussing it, depending on how I’m talking to.

Ellie

So Justin is scrambling like HARDCORE, He threw Timmy’s name out and hen my name out right after saying that we were tight, and he’s so paranoid and it’s driving all of us crazy. Like we have until tomorrow night, chill out. And Jospeh really wants Timmy out but I’m like IF WE TAKE JUSTIN TO MERGE HE WILL FLIP WITHIN FIVE MINUTES!! Timmy might not be the most active but at least he’s fucking loyal. Raffy, Timmy, and I want Justin out so badly. Dylan is trying to listen before making a concrete decision, and Joseph and Justin want Timmy out. Justin even wants me out apparently.

RaffyA lot happened today, so I am going to break it down. Last night, Timmy, Ellie, and I (Just Go With It) discussed the vote early. Timmy suggested that we might want to get rid of Joseph or Dylan since he thought he would be able to sway Justin, since he considers Justin a close ally to him. That's when we all compared notes that Justin had claimed his apparent closeness to everyone on the tribe. This immediately put him on my radar as it could be a sign a double-crosser later down the road. As was not going to push anything since tribal was two days away, however I did talk with Ellie a little bit and she seemed down to vote Justin since she had a close relationship with Joseph and Dylan. While this was happening, Dylan created the Hypothetical Alliance with Ellie and I. This is great news since that means Ellie and I have control over two other votes (Timmy and Dylan) based solely on votes. In this way, whoever I wanted gone would go. Justin messaged me early in the morning asking about the vote. He heavily suggested that we vote for Timmy because he is inactive and bad at challenges, but those are the things that I want in an ally going into a merge. Besides that, Justin was asking incessant, paranoia-filled questions regarding the vote and would not let up. It is safe to say that he doesn't get that he's being incredibly messy and scramble-y when he doesn't have to be. The vote isn't until tomorrow, yet he's acting like it's in thirty minutes! The King of Crack right here! Anyways, so I told Ellie and then she was experiencing the same thing, so we then told Timmy. Timmy instantly wanted him gone which meant what I wanted from the beginning was going to happen. Furthermore, I learned from Ellie that Justin does not trust me and that he thinks I am vague and noncommittal. Not only that, apparently Ellie heard him say her name from someone. This dude is incredibly dangerous for my alliance! So, I was determined to see him go and to get everyone to go after him. Joseph was a tough nut to crack. He was very adamant today about voting out Timmy and keeping Justin. Apparently, Ellie got through to him, but I do not know how well that worked out for her. I have a feeling that Justin also said that he was tight with Joseph to the latter as he did with everyone. And Joseph thinks it is serious which means they'll be a powerful duo going into merge. I have to keep my eye on Joseph and make sure he doesn't slip from my grasp. Other than that, I managed to get Dylan on board with the vote as they thought Justin's paranoia and overall messiness was also a danger going into merge. Finally, Zoe approached me today asking who I felt good with. I knew she was sniffing for an alliance so I said Ellie, Dylan, and Timmy. She suggested that, since a merge was coming soon, that we create an alliance with Dylan, Timmy, and John making us a strong 5. I immediately agreed of course. A strong alliance helps me navigate the merge more comfortably and easily. Plus, in that alliance, I have Dylan and Timmy to have a majority over the decisions. So, if it came down to us 5, I would be good. Not only that, but this means that Dylan and Timmy will vote together in this tribal along with Ellie and I, ensuring that Justin goes to EoE. This is all working out for me. I do not know whether to tell Ellie about this alliance eventually, but I am planning on keeping it pretty tight-lipped for the most part. What doesn't kill her makes her stronger. And that's what you missed on Glee Johndamn. who knew i’d align myself with the perfect ride or die. she has an advantage and NOW she has an idol?! she is STACKED, and now i gotta protect her at all costs.

Maynor

Ive been talking to Keith a lot more now but heard from Timmy that people have been saying that he has been doing that with everyone so idk what to think of our bonding. Like i would like to think he would be on my side but who knows. We been talking about pokemon cards and the funko pops that i have. Its been fun. Im really glad talking to him more.

Keith John

Due to thanksgiving. Tribal was moved a day ahead and everyone was busy celebrating. So things have been slow.

I decided to take the opportunity to complete the fox portion of the idol hunt. which turned out to nothing, As Zoe already informed me and Cormac that she got the advantage. after informing her I told her I will give the other path on the idol hunt a try. didn't want to go behind her back and do it. especially we are expecting a swap. this is my first time playing so I'm not sure that its a sure swap or another twist.

Also finally I messaged Timmy again. After he didn't reply to me the first time. which was like 10 days ago. I know since I felt that I wasn't in the best position possible during the last tribal. I should have made an attempt before to talk to him as I need people, any people who want to work with me. But since I have had previous instances when I worked abroad, when people immediately snubbed or ignored me or changed their attitudes towards me when they found out that I am a Pakistani. N for a moment I felt like Timmy had decided that he didn't want to work with me. And me being a Pakistani was the reason. Which I guess is stupid on my part, I saw he added other people from the game to his skype. But didn't even reply to me. So When Zoe brought up the possibility of working with him. I decided to approach him again. This time he did reply. he seems nice but reserved. hopefully, we swap on the same tribe since we might have mutual friends who want to work together. But I would also like to make a genuine friendship with him and whether that becomes an alliance or not. that's to be seen.

OK Signing off for the night.

Timmy

People are quiet today in PMs but i hope that’s since we talked about tribal yesterday. Justin better be going bc he’s a snake ass bitch and I can’t deal with that shit.

Zoe

I got an idol, folks!!!!!!

I'm incredibly surprised at the rest of the tribe's laziness, considering I now have an advantage and an idol. The downside of the idol is that I have lost my vote next tribal, so now I really have to have trust in my tribe members and alliances cross tribal to keep me going through the twist, unknown as of five minutes before tribal. I predict a swap, but (not) knowing Jay makes me doubt that as well.

I'm still really sad about Cormac, but it's my game, not his game. As long as I can still count on my other connections, I'll just have to go on strong and know that it wasn't his time.

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