#im so fucking upset she wanted to LIVE she tried to lie to herself & say at least it might absolve everyones sins of carrying out this

[red-dyed-sarumane]

my friend asked me to put together all the ways oumen & apoptosis are connected as songs today & i love those two so naturally ive been on this since i woke up & after really going thru the lyrics Yet Again i think i FINALLY have my answer about tenshi's song right.

so basically we know the nami no ne no motif from aru sekai shoushitsu being present in a song means whoever in the song is still a "person"/still has their free will & gets to continue into the next loop. standard info. in all the other songs this is mixed into the instrumental, the only times its sung are in shoushitsu of course & in oumen mokushiroku. didnt think much of it when the song first came out bc like yeah thats just whats in series songs. but more & more across various songs, shoushitsu, apoptosis, kanon, oumen itself it talks about sacrifice & implies that sacrifice was a permanent death. oumen as a whole is her not wanting to accept that sacrifice role, she doesn't have a choice in it, but she doesnt want it either, (& apoptosis being it was originally that girl who was supposed to be the sacrifice but she pushed it off on someone else, therefore is the reason tenshi's song goes the way it does in the first place)

so then why does she have the motif if everything else including her herself say that she dies permanently.

i propose to u my newest theory.

the whole song is her wishing she had more time, not wanting to do it, she wants to live. so. since she's specifically singing it. im willing to bet its a last wish of hers. that somehow, someway, she still has enough free will to counteract the act of sacrifice, if she wishes hard enough, if she holds enough of her own desires, then maybe against everything, she'll get to live on into the next loop. basically, not a sign that she Does live, rather, just that she desperately WANTS to

[angstysebfan]

The Past Can Break You - 5

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

AU: Avengers

Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?

A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.

Warning: implied smut, angst is back

--

The next 2 weeks were amazing. Bucky really turned everything around and showed you that he was committed to you. It made you feel so much better. While you felt bad that he now completely avoided Dot, because she is still out of place, you didn’t feel that bad because you knew she was bad news. Whenever she saw you and Bucky together she would scoff and glare at you. It made you uncomfortable.

One day the whole Avengers team was called into a meeting to discuss an upcoming mission. Per Steve and Tony, everyone, except you, were needed. You didn’t like the thought of staying behind with Dot in the compound, but you were a team player, and wouldn’t argue. Bucky on the other hand let Steve have it with both barrels.

“Steve you know the situation with Dot. Can’t someone else stay behind?” he said to Steve.

Steve sighed, “Yes, I know this will be difficult, but everyone else is needed for their skill. Y/N’s skills aren’t needed on this mission. She agreed, so why are you fighting me on this?” Steve argued back.

“Of course Y/N won’t fight this, but I am trying to protect her from Dot. You remember how vicious Dot can be, and I don’t want her to upset Y/N when we just started to get back on track,” Bucky said.

“Look Buck, I get it. I do. But this is how it is. The compound is big enough that Y/N won’t need to be anywhere near Dot. By the way, when are you going to tell her that she needs to start looking for employment and another living situation. She makes everyone uncomfortable. Even Tony is starting to get annoyed at all her questions about FRIDAY, and he loves showing people how smart he is,” Steve asked.

“I-I don’t know. I mean I know I have to do it, especially after what she’s pulled, but I still feel bad for her. I mean she didn’t ask for this to happen, and doesn’t deserve to be thrown out on her ass, but I know it’s the right thing to do. I’ll talk to Y/N about it and see if she has any ideas. Maybe if we help setting her up I will feel better about it,” Bucky said.

“Yea, I know. Let me know if you need help. But we gotta get packed and head to the quinjet. And please don’t worry about Y/N. Your girl is strong, and she knows how Dot is. She will be fine. Besides, we are only gone for like 24 hours, what could happen?” Steve asked.

Bucky didn’t respond and watched as Steve walked out of the meeting room. He ran his hands through his hair, what could happen? He hoped nothing, but he didn’t trust Dot. It’s funny the way she is acting now didn’t bother him when he was in the 40s, but now, because of you, he sees that she is not as great as he thought.

Bucky sighs and heads to your shared room to find you packing his bag for him. He smiles as he walks in, “Hey baby,” he says.

You look up at him and give him a bashful smile, “Figured I would help you out,” you said.

Bucky walks up to you and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his embrace. He looks into your eyes, and all you see is love and admiration in them. He leans in and connects his soft lips with yours. After a moment he deepens the kiss and you feel his tongue on your lower lip. You open you mouth in response, allowing him full access. When the need to breath becomes too great you pull away, panting.

“You’re only going to be gone a day,” you say with a chuckle.

Bucky also laughs, “Will you be ok? Here? With... her?” he asks.

You brush your hand through his soft hair, “Yea. I’ll stay clear of her as much as I can. But I’ll be ok,” you say.

Bucky pecks your lips again. “When I come home, I was wondering if you could help me with something,” he asks.

You look at him with confusion, “Like what?” you ask.

“I think it’s time for Dot to go off on her own, but I don’t want to just kick her out and make her fend for herself. I was thinking you could help me find her a job and a place to live? I would just feel better if I know I wasn’t kicking her out with nowhere to go,” he asks.

You smile and nod, “Sure. I’ll be glad to help. I’ll start while you’re gone,” you say. 

Bucky kisses you one more time, “I’ll be back tomorrow. I love you, Doll,” he says.

“I love you too, Buck.”

--

You have to say you are surprised when you find yourself not running into Dot at all. It’s almost like she doesn’t want to be near you either, which is fine. She has spent most of the last 24 hours in the lab, while you stayed in your room looking up possible jobs and apartment for her. 

You thought it was nice of Bucky to at least help set her up and not throw her to the wolves. It was something you admired about Bucky, his big heart. You both have been texting before the mission, but since then you haven’t heard from him. You hope everything is ok. 

“FRIDAY, any update on the team?” you ask the AI.

“No agent, I’m sorry,” she responds.

You decide to take a nap in hopes that when you wake up your boyfriend will be home. You want your family home safe and sound.

--

You woke up to the sounds of the team in the hallway. You walk out and see Nat and Wanda and hug them hello. You head toward the common room hoping to see the guys, but don’t. You walk back toward the elevator and heard something from Dot’s room.

“Oh Dot, I’ve missed you so much, Doll,” you hear Bucky moan.

You gasp in horror as you continue listening to Dot moan and beg for Bucky to go harder. You can’t help the tears that begin to fall as you hear your boyfriend and his ex having sex.

“So good baby, you’re so good. Taking me so well, you feel amazing. No one is like you, I love you so much,” Bucky moaned.

You’ve heard enough and turn, running back to your shared room. You can’t be near him when he comes in pretending he didn’t just fuck his ex. Your heart is in a million pieces as his voice continues to play in your head. All you hear is her and his moans and his words. He loves her. It will always be her. Maybe you just need to learn to accept that.

--

“Buck, I think you should have told Y/N you got hurt. She is going to be worried about you,” Steve scolded.

“Look, I know my girl. She will be mad at first, but then she will nurse me back to health. I will have to convince her to ride me later, but it will be so worth it,” Bucky says with a smirk as the doctor continues to pull out shards of shrapnel from his side.

“Seriously man? TMI!” Sam complained before leaving Medbay.

Bucky laughed and then hissed as the doctor pulled another shard out. “How much longer? I don’t want Y/N to think I’m dead if she knows we are back,” Bucky asked the doctor.

“One more piece... and....” she pulls the large piece out, “There! Now I will quickly clean and bandage. no stitches cause you will heal fast, but please no sex tonight. You might bleed all over her,” the doctor said with a glare.

Bucky and Steve laugh. “Oh I talked to Y/N about helping me out with Dot and she agreed. I figured it was best to have her involved with that situation from now on,” Bucky says to Steve as the doctor cleans and bandages his side.

“Good idea, less messy that way. I hope everything went well here with the 2 of them,” Steve says.

“I’ll find out,” Bucky says as he puts his shirt on. 

Both men walk to the elevator and head to their floor. They say their goodbyes in the hall as Bucky opens the door to your shared apartment. You aren’t in there, which confuses him, but he figures maybe you went to the kitchen.

When he walks into the bathroom he senses something is wrong. None of your toiletries are there. It was different from when you cleaned, plus his was still there. He walks back out to your room and sees that everything on your nightstand is gone too. Now he starts to panic as he goes to the closet and sees that all your clothes are gone. He tries to not have a panic attack because that will slow him down. He goes to head to the door and sees a piece of paper on the floor:

Bucky,

I guess I’m the stupid one. I’m stupid to think that everything you said to me was true. I was stupid to think that I could compete with your one true love. I was stupid to think that you really loved me. Well I won’t be stupid anymore. No need to lie and say what I heard isn’t true. I hope you and Dot are very happy together in your new apartment, but I’m done. Have a nice life.

Bucky dropped the letter and fell to his knees as tears pool down his cheeks. What the hell happened that you up and left him? You are angry with him, and he doesn’t understand why. He allows himself to cry for a moment before rereading it.

Dot.

--

Chapter 4 / Chapter 6

Oh Dot you dirty bitch! Feedback is appreciated.

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PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I FORGOT ANYONE!

[hansolmates]

a hero’s journey (m)

summary; jungkook and jisoo are the mightiest power couple. however, one drunken confession and that whole facade fades in an instant. you realize that maybe you need to break from your unvaried life for a bit and be the hero of your own love story pairing; jungkook x editor!reader (f) genre/warnings; best friend’s boyfriend au, slice of life, angst with a happy ending because im weak, pining pINING, everyone’s kind of a mess in their own sweet special way, alcohol use, mentions of ze weed, toxic relationships, mean friends, sex—slight dom!kook, food play, fingering, squirting, heavy use of the petname “pretty girl” bc im weak, strength kink, manhandling (oop!) w.c; 22.2k a/n; woof! my first fic for @goldenclosetnetwork​ 23 | jungkook’s birthday project! this goes out to all the closet romantics *ahem me cough* who doesn’t love pining between a cutie koo? a huge thank u for vivi @eerieedits​ for making this bbbBEAUTIFUL fic banner!  

prompt used: “I should’ve known.”

if you like this fic pls consider giving a like n’share🥺💜🥺💜

It’s so easy to ignore the world. 

Maybe it’s a young-adult thing, but it gets difficult fitting into the 9-to-5 and playing to satisfy bosses that don’t entirely understand your work ethic. Maybe it’s out of complacency, or fear. But you prefer to let the world flow around you and when you’re needed, you’ll act. You’ve reached that point in your life where you enjoy the little things, satisfied by an extra hour of overtime tacked onto your paycheck, a new fabric softener, or finding the perfectly squishy yoga mat. 

You’ve finally started feeling comfortable in your shoes, uncaring as to whether you’re single or drowning in college debt, happy to live a relatively stable life. You’re grateful. There’s nothing more than you need than your happiness, and the love of your friends and family. 

Namely, your best friend from college. Jisoo always joked about how you two “won the lottery” as dorm rooms in freshman year were determined by lottery. Pulling numbers 883 and 884, you and Jisoo snagged a corner spot of the dormitory, leaving you two utterly cramped but utterly close as the years went by. Six years later and it’s still the case, the two of you have grown into talented working ladies. While you may not be able to spend time with each other the same way you did in school, you still care for each other. 

So when Jisoo shows up teary with a rumpled dress shirt and her hair waterfalling out of this morning’s bun, you break out the good alcohol and season three of Jane the Virgin for her. 

After the liquid is warm in your cheeks and you’ve fawned enough over Micheal and Rafael’s love triangle, you let Jisoo ramble. 

Jisoo has downed a whole bottle of soju on her own, while you’ve decided to have a tasteful glass of wine. You’d rather be tired wine drunk than wasted on soju. 

“Jungkook and I had a fight,” she warbles, stuffing a handful of popcorn in her mouth, “it was totally stupid.” 

Your eyes flash, picturing Jisoo and Jungkook in quarrel. They’re the epitome of an Instagram-worthy couple, beautiful and deathly charming to a fault. They show nothing but kindness and sweetness to you whenever you third-wheel, not a lick of anger between them when you’re all together.

So a fight is something surprising. Jisoo and Jungkook, J-squared are a power couple. Saying their names next to each other just emits a sort of energy you can only akin to famous small screen couples like Troy and Gabriella or Cory and Topanga. Jisoo’s Instagram is belly full with sweet selfies of them together, the doe-eyed man always looking completely sweet and gentle to the woman in his arms.

You never piqued Jungkook as the type of guy who would pick a “stupid fight.” And you know Jungkook pretty well. 

Maybe a little too well. 

“He surprised me during my lunch break and he caught me talking to Doyoung and he thought I was flirting,” Jisoo is practically eating her sweater, her head falling between her flannel pyjama sleeves. 

“Doyoung, as in your ex Doyoung?” you raise a brow. 

She groans, glaring at you in earnest. “Not you, too! I told him it was ridiculous to get jealous, and then I told him how jealous I get when he’s around girls and I don’t need to tell him that,” she rolls her eyes, twisting her feet petulantly in her fuzzy socks, “but then you know what he says back?” 

You wince, swirling your wine glass, “That you’re crazy?” 

“That I’m crazy, exactly! How did you—” her bloodshot eyes zero in on you, where you’ve tucked yourself in the corner of the couch. You swirl the ruby liquid in your cup, watching the feet web around the cheap crystal, “you think I’m crazy too, don’t you?” 

You swallow your sigh, taking your time to finish your liquid in languid sips. Uneasy, you wish you could just sink through the couch in order to avoid this conversation. Jisoo’s heart is generally in the right direction, but in terms of emotions she has the kind of sensitivity that you prefer to ignore rather than tread. Jungkook is also equally emotional, but in a different way. He wears his heart on his sleeve, preferring to keep things straight as opposed to bottling it up like Jisoo. 

However the theoretic bottle has reached it’s brim and Jisoo’s tipping, fast. 

“I need to tell you something,” Jisoo is swerving, crawling like an infant on wobbly limbs to reach your corner of the couch. You almost stop her, tell her you can continue this conversation in the morning, it’s what you normally do when she drinks into a stupor. But tears are swimming in her glassy caramel eyes and she’s grappling onto your blanket, resting her head in her lap. 

Her glossy russet strands curtain her head, so you don’t see the expression on her face when she says her next words: 

“Jungkook told me he liked you senior year, and I told him you weren’t interested so I’d have a chance.” 

Wow. So that explains everything.

The memories that you’ve tried so hard to brush away, the feelings you’ve tried so hard and continue to try to suppress, are laid out in front of you on a rusted platter. You could laugh, you could fling the rest of the Pinot Grigio down your throat like fresh water on a hot day and call it a night. 

But instead you choke back your tears, and push her off because you’re hurt.  

Deep down you know you would’ve been less upset if she told you the week after Jisoo and Jungkook called it official. If you knew from the beginning, it would’ve been easier on your heart. But it's been over two years since the past, thinking you’ve been needlessly, stupidly, delusional in thinking that you could’ve possibly had a chance with Jungkook.

Because it could’ve been you. And the reason why Jisoo and Jungkook fought today? Now you know it’s because deep down, they know they’re each other’s second choice. 

You can’t even recall a time where Jungkook and Jisoo were together alone before they suddenly started dating, remembering how it used to be you and Jungkook before Jisoo found him one day in your shared apartment, utterly smitten. And now you know you weren’t delusional, because the feelings and the signals you two were exchanging in senior year was real. 

But it doesn’t stop the fact that over two years have passed. Two years of a serious relationship between Jisoo and Jungkook, and two years of you secretly loving him from an arm’s length. 

“You hate me,” Jisoo removes herself from you, voice trembling. The quick, dark part of your mind wants you to snap back of course I hate you. You’ve trusted Jisoo with your life all these years, she was the reason you got through college so gracefully, why you enjoyed the past seven years of your life. 

But the sentiment is stained, and all you can do is deliver a tired smile and stand up. “I don’t hate you,” you say, “I’m just, really overwhelmed. I can’t lie and say that I’m not hurt,” your fingers clutch the fake crystal in your grasp, and for once you’re thankful you’re not strong enough to break it, “but you two love each other now and there’s no point in dwelling in the ‘what-ifs’.” 

Now that you think about it, when was the last time Jisoo treated you like a best friend? You stare at your wine glass, thinking that the only time comfort is provided in this apartment is when Jisoo is upset, never when you’re upset. 

Jisoo bobs her head senselessly, agreeing to every word. It’s pathetic, seeing her on her knees and her eyes glimmering with the hope that you’d forgive her straightaway. She must feel awful. That’s good.  

You sigh, needing to be the bigger person. “You need to call Jungkook and tell him he has nothing to worry about though, after all, you two have history now. As much, if not more than Doyoung.” 

“Right,” she replies, biting her lip. It suddenly feels like you're talking to a wall, carrying a conversation that's long ended.

“As for us,” you have half a mind to slam your glass on the counter, but instead you give it a heavy hand, letting slowly thump to the coffee table, “I don’t think I want to see you two, for a while.” 

“Understandable.” 

“And I don’t want to help you move out anymore,” I just want you gone.  

“Right,” she whispers. The both of you will be completed with your lease in two months, and Jisoo and Jungkook have decided to move into Jungkook’s apartment. As for you, you haven’t decided as to whether you want to go through the whole process of moving out or looking for a new roommate. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so so fucking sorry. I just was insecure as fuck in college and Jungkook was the first person I met in a long time that helped me feel more… like me.”

You want to say that she's right, she’s selfish. Her excuses aren’t palpable anymore. It’s too late. But if you were in Jisoo’s shoes, you’d think this apology is mere crumbs in comparison to your friendship. Why isn't she trying harder? Maybe because she doesn't know any better. After all, you never told her what you felt for him has morphed into love. 

You don’t even have to ask as to whether she’ll tell Jungkook this or not, you now know honesty is not her style. 

Jisoo doesn’t get a goodnight and a drunken kiss on the forehead like she usually does whenever you two have your late night talks. Instead, she seals herself to her own demise as you slam the door to your bedroom, effectively shutting each other out. 

Work is a bitch the following morning. You’re like molasses, rolling out of bed despite the whole world and its mother telling you to go back to sleep. 

Your feet are killing you as you make your walk to work, deciding to wear a pair of red-backed heels so you can stomp your way through your day. 

Your Wusband (Work-Husband) Kim Namjoon matches you step-for-step, eyes glued to his phone as he catches you on the sidewalk. “Woman on a mission,” he comments absentmindedly, eyes glued to his phone as he follows the click of your shoes to your favorite cafe. 

You spare a glance to your right hand-man, eyeing him appreciatively at his dedication to your morning routine. He’s your favorite co-worker, one who keeps you on time to your meetings and keeps you sane when you want to pull your hair out and dig out a coffin in your little cubicle. Namjoon’s long legs always seem to catch up with you during your workweek, whether it’s to get coffee in the morning or to talk shit about the latest gossip in the breakroom. 

The bell of the glass door tinkles in your ears as you enter the café, relatively busy for the morning rush. While you wait in line, Namjoon ticks off your activity list for today. 

“Meeting with Victoria is cancelled this morning,” you groan in relief, your supervisor Victoria always scares the shit out of you even when she’s not doing anything, “and just the usual proofing and whatever we have to do on the third floor today—can I get a large iced Americano with a pump of caramel? Thanks,” Namjoon moves aside so you can throw your order in as well, “and after work could you stop by Vernon’s? He took a sick day today and he has most of the manuscripts for the next issue.” 

“Done and done,” you swipe your card in the dip, tucking your card away in your zippered pouch. “So like, do Americanos taste any good? Like it’s literally watered down espresso how do you pay to drink watered down tar—” 

Jungkook’s at the pick-up counter. Jungkook’s at the pick-up counter swirling stray sugar crystals with his thumb and putting them in his napkin. What an impeccable display of Virgo energy, absentmindedly cleaning things he has no business doing. You scoff to yourself, recalling this morning that Jisoo got off the phone this morning with a stupid smile on her face. From the mirror image that Jungkook is excluding while he’s smiling on his cellphone like a smitten teenager, it seems like they’ve made up. 

Nevertheless the hurt from last night is still fresh in your bones, and you force yourself to look away despite the fact that your morning pick-me-ups are almost done and are sitting tauntingly next to Jungkook’s elbow. Does he really need to learn against the counter like he owns it? Hair slightly damp from the shower, your heart beats a little faster at the fresh image.His biceps are straining against his charcoal lycra long sleeve, which is slightly damp from his morning run. Snap out of it! You are a mature, working woman who does not swoon in the view of bulgy muscles, especially when the man who owns those muscles is taken. Suddenly there’s a call of your name, and two cups and a paper bag are put in front of Jungkook. 

He blinks, and you immediately pale when you see his eyes flit over your name surrounded by your favorite coral pink beverage. You feel struck as his head perks up at the name and he narrowly makes eye-contact—

“The fuck you’re doing,” Namjoon gripes, shoving your guava iced tea and croissant in your chest, “standing there like a moron as if we don’t got shit to do today.” 

“Sorry,” you mumble, pulling at the brown paper bag to tug a piece of croissant between your teeth. The warmth, buttery pastry melts in your tastebuds. Ah, bread. Nothing like a little bit of carb to make you feel better. 

You’re suddenly thankful for Namjoon’s gargantuan torso from effectively blocking you from Jungkook, hauling you out of the coffee shop like a petulant toddler. He doesn’t even give you a chance to catch another secret look at the object of your affections, making sure you’re back in your work game before you enter the building. Even if he doesn’t know it, Kim Namjoon’s always got your back. 

Or in today’s case, breathing down your back. 

Without your third editor and a hard deadline coming up by the end of the week, you and Namjoon are working in tandem throughout your 9-5 to complete drafts for Big Hit Publishings Arts & Media section. Both of you take turns to bring snacks and feed each other, feeling like reading zombies and slaves to your desk as you remind each other to breathe throughout the whole ordeal. 

In complete honesty you don’t totally mind. Namjoon is a great partner-in-crime, and you both love what you do and do a damn good job at it. You call it “Buzzfeed but with Benefits.” 

And at least for today, you could quell the feelings in your chest from last night and this morning. Sure, you’ve always been okay with the pining you’ve had for Jungkook. The feeling comes and goes whenever it pleases, and since yesterday you’ve been okay with just admiring from afar and being their third wheel. 

However, now the feelings are acutely comparable to a third-degree burn with the help of Jisoo playing with fire. 

With a quiet exhale, you concede in your gaming chair (because it’s just so damn comfy to keep in the office.) You’re an adult and not a petty child, and you will not let this piece of information derail you from your calm, stable lifestyle. 

But honestly? Fuck Jisoo. 

“Let’s go, buckaroo,” Namjoon logs off for you, the cinnamon-y smell of his shampoo effectively waking up your senses, “it’s already 5:30. And you said you’d stop by Vern’s to get his drafts.” 

“Right,” you blurt, mindlessly putting away your papers and snack wrappers in your bag. You can’t believe the whole day’s gone already. 

“Maybe you don’t even have to go to his apartment. Just text him or whatever.” 

“Sounds good, thanks Joonie.” 

“And y/n?” Namjoon gives you a look that causes you to force a terse smile, one you give one too many times to higher-ups at work. It isn’t to insult Namjoon by any means, but you guys are partners, the kind that tell way too much but hide just enough to remain close from afar. “Take it easy, will you?” 

“I will,” you concede, stretching your arms, “I’m def overdue for a massage.” 

“You don’t look sick,” you scoff, taking in the casual look your co-editor boasts as he leans casually against the doorway. 

Hansol Vernon Chwe is the epitome of fluffy, decked out in large electric blue sweats and his russet brown hair curling softly above his porcelain skin. Not only is he your co-editor, but also a friend from college. Not to the extent that you were with Jisoo and Jungkook, but you operated in the same publishing club and managed to get partnering internships that made you the co-workers you are today. You see a little bit of that collegiate youth in Vernon right now, as he looks well-rested and fresh faced despite the fact he probably didn’t apply moisturizer or drink enough water today.

“But you kinda do,” he tilts his head, noting the heels that adorn your feet, “you’re wearing your sexy shoes today, that means something’s going on.” 

“Gee, ever the ladies’ man,” you scoff, getting under his arm to invite yourself inside, “all I want is the completed interviews so we can pick out the best parts and draft them. Then I’ll be on my merry way.” 

“Oh c’mon, we’ve been talking nothing but work this whole damn month. What happened to college when we’d talk hours about House Hunters, the safeness of library sex, that little furry thing in Lincoln Hall’s urinal? That was prime conversation.” 

“Vern, I’m just here for the drafts,” you sit at his tiny kitchen table, glaring at his open laptop.  

“You could’ve just emailed me,” he teases, twisting around his chair so he can rest his arms against the back. “But since you’re here, that means you probably wanna spill some tea but you’re too upset to admit it.” 

“If I talk will you stop talking like that?” 

“Yes. Give me the juicy details. Need some juicy juice.” 

“Nevermind, get out of my apartment.” 

“Uh, this is my apartment.” 

“My point still stands,” you make another face at his outfit, “you look like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.”  

Vernon purses his lips, scooting his chair closer to yours. He’s unfazed by your insult, far used to your defenses being higher up than Fort Knox. He looks up at you with his pretty lashes and deceivingly sweet caramel eyes, leaning his head along the backrest. “C’mon, tell me what’s bothering you,” he says in a gentle tone, coaxing you open. 

He always knew how to do it for you, a little bit of sweet talking and that clear open gaze always reduced you to shreds in university. For him, it always took a good meal and some sci-fi movies to get him to talk. That must be why you’ve stayed friends for so long, you two knew how to connect. 

Finally you crack, kicking off your shoes and hoping the sharp end doesn’t land on his cat. You hear Luna meow in protest but she’s got great reflexes. Unbuttoning the first three buttons of your stuffy blazer, you air out your cleavage, not caring about Vernon’s gaze. He’s seen worse. 

“Remember Jeon Jungkook? Majored in graphic design.”

“Ah, yeah. The guy who like, lived at the gym and the dining hall? Haven’t seen him in a minute,” his eyes seem to glaze over the glory days, reminiscing in the simultaneous safetynet and stressor that made up your early twenties, “didn’t you guys hit it off real well? Like I remember you ditched like—three sci-fi nights to study with him. Who even studies at 1AM?” 

“Yeah, we did,” and you can’t help but frown at as you remember the 7-Eleven runs, the utter warmth you felt when he would wipe a stray rice grain off your cheek, and how happy you felt to laugh so much with him it hurt, “but uh. Jisoo got drunk last night, because they had a fight. And she sort of admitted to me that she sabotaged our relationship and told Jungkook I wasn’t interested in him so they could start dating. Two years later and here we are.” 

A pause. And then, “Want a beer?” 

Vernon doesn’t even wait for a response when he gets up, bare feet slapping against the tile as he prepares some drinks and snacks for you. 

“That’s pretty fucked up,” he practically sing-songs among the cacophony of popcorn pop-pop-popping in the microwave. The aroma of buttery kernels is all but a relief, reminding you of movie matinees, “and like, she knew you liked him! It was totally obvious, even if you didn’t spell it out for her.” 

“Yeah,” you practically gushed to Jisoo those past two months, every waking moment with heart-eyes over the talented graphic designer Jeon Jungkook. 

“I can’t believe Jisoo would keep that a secret from you for so long. Like, can you even trust her anymore?” 

“Don’t know, was she even my bestfriend or was I just a good roommate to her?” you ask. Vernon is holding two beers in one hand and a bag of popcorn by the tips of his fingers in the other, careful to not burn himself. Opening the beer for you, you thank him and take a long swig.

“Well, good thing you’re still not in love with him or whatever. That would really suck. Unless—”

The look on your face says it all. You’re practically snotting into your bottle, your face tucked into your chin as you fight hard to stop the tears you’ve been suppressing for the last two years. “Don’t give me your pity,” you garble, turning away from the sad look Vernon gives you as he wraps his arms around you. 

The tears are soft and gentle, flowing freely onto the cotton of Vernon’s arms as you let it out. 

“‘M’not,” he concedes, rubbing his chin into your neck. He really is a lot like Luna, just like his  cat ready to give you affection. “Let’s just, get some take-out and watch Hamilton or something.” 

He lets you wear his matching sweat suit, lime green, as you order Thai food and rap along to Hamilton’s sick beats. Vernon does a better job keeping the flow, but you’re having a good time being his hype man as he parades around the living room like it’s 1776. 

You go home that night around ten o’clock, feeling noticeably lighter and more relaxed. Be that it may you are still wearing the sweatpants and heels ensemble, you feel comforted. 

The apartment is quiet when you walk in, not a single light turned on. You get a slice of the city lights bleeding in from the organza curtains, which allow you to kick off your heels and hobble to where you think the kitchen counter is. 

Today is Jisoo’s day to cook dinner. You can tell she decided to cook today from the faint smell of Japanese curry and a small unwashed plate in the sink. Whenever it was someone’s turn, they usually left an extra bowl or serving in it for the other roommate when they got home. Unsurprisingly, you find no such thing on the counter or in the fridge. 

You’re not upset, but rather decided. If Jisoo is going to let your friendship fade off with no intention of redeeming herself, then you should give her the same amount of energy back. You realize now the apology she gave last night wasn’t for you, but empty words to make her feel better and mend whatever toxicity she’s created in her own relationships. People like Namjoon and Vernon reminded you that you didn’t need to try and earn other people’s friendships. 

It’s disappointing, but the feeling is all but too familiar. 

If you could describe Jisoo as anything, it would be the color pink. Blushing, beautiful, beguiling pink. The way she flushes when Jungkook does an uncalled for grandiose gesture of romance, or when she wears a hot magenta number when she’s hosting a fashion show. Jisoo is the personification of La vie en rose, unbothered and unabashed.  

But now all you see when you think of Jisoo? Nothing but red. 

With that, you go in your room and untack the polaroid of you and Jisoo at the carnival last month, putting it away in your junk drawer to be forgotten. 

“You’re running away.” 

“Am not.” 

“Are too,” that interjection comes from Vernon’s roommate, Jung Hoseok. He’s been watching you two bicker over work for the past hour while he plays GTA5, failing to get a good hard carry because you and Vernon are too busy discussing whatever finishing touches you need on your final draft. 

“No one asked for your opinion, Jung,” you throw over your shoulder. 

“I’m just saying,” Hoseok flicks his wrist and nabs a tank, “you never wanna go home, you eat all our food, and I found your pyjamas in my laundry basket.” 

“You said your basket was the blue one,” you hiss under your breath. 

“The navy blue one,” Vernon chirps unhelpfully, “not the electric blue one.” 

Hoseok hits “save” on his campaign, disconnecting from his PS4 and stretching his lean limbs. “I mean, we could use a third roommate,” Hoseok jokes, getting up from the couch and grabbing a handful of M&Ms from your bowl, “you do make a bomb mac n’cheese.” 

“Appreciated,” you relent when Hoseok presses a kiss to your cheek and tells Vernon he’ll be back late working, leaving you and Vernon alone in their shared apartment. When Hoseok is gone, you stare at the door, tilting your head, “y’know,” you remark, “Hoseok’s a cool guy, why did I never hang out with him in college?” 

“Because he was stoned the majority of senior year and you just didn’t vibe with that crowd.” 

“Oh, yeah.” 

“But, you’re trying to change the subject,” Vernon carefully untacks your hands from your keyboard, knowing that you two have already been done with this month's issue and you’re now just mindlessly re-reading emails. “You’ve been here since Thursday, and now it’s Saturday. And as much as Hoseok and I like having you around so you can wake me up before we go to work, it’d be nice to throw me a bone and let me in on what you’re thinking right now.” 

You frown, noting Vernon’s large hand covering your laptop closed. He isn’t going to remove his hand anytime soon unless you talk. “Jungkook’s helping Jisoo pack up her half of the apartment this weekend and I don’t want to be there,” you say, short and simple. 

“You miss her?” 

“Yeah,” you admit honestly. You hate this version of yourself, unable to even look at Jisoo nowadays despite the fact you’re under the same roof for the remainder of the month. It’s hard to believe that the roommate from six years ago finally got under your skin, cancelling out all the years of friendship because of one silly relationship, “sad she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.” 

“Did you talk about it?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you reply despondently, “if she cared at all she would’ve to apologize again by now.”

Vernon figures, and his neutral expression doesn’t change as he leads you to the couch, brushing away Hoseok’s things so you two can get comfy. You busy yourself with the remote, exiting the PS4 homepage to scroll Netflix. 

“And are you trying to get over him?” 

“I mean, yeah,” you have been, but it’s a little hard when you’ve been contentedly pining. It was easy to keep your feelings bottled up because you originally thought Jisoo and Jungkook were meant to be for each other for the past two years. Now you're still pining but ruefully bitter at Jisoo.

“It’s not fair, y’know. She broke girl code, bros before hoes. Or is it chicks before dicks?” Vernon shakes his head at his lame attempt to get you to smile, which works anyway because Vernon’s silly and his sense of humor always gets you a little loose. “It’s your house too, you shouldn’t feel like you don’t belong there.” 

“Well I was supposed to help her move out this weekend, and I’d prefer it if Jungkook didn’t know what was going on.” 

“What?” your friend furrows his thick brows together, tucking his hands under his knees as he leans into your stubborn expression. “You’re gonna let Jungkook go on with his life not knowing that his relationship is based on a lie. That’s not cool. Even if you’re into him, he’s still your friend.” 

Damn, when did Vernon get so good at giving advice? Truth is Vernon’s always been good at dishing advice, you’ve just been privy to what you wanted to reveal to him. The first year or so being together outside of college was always about work, saving each other’s asses to ensure you two got that promotion and aim higher and higher. Now that goal is out of the way, and what better way to reconnect over some shoddy romance straight out of a Degrassi special? 

“I know,” you hug your knees tight to your chest, “when I’m ready, okay?” 

“Okay,” he agrees, because he’s not a pusher, “do you know the best way to get over someone?” 

“What?” 

“The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone," he emphasizes that point with his hands, sliding one under the other with a wiggle of his thick brows.

You slap him on the shoulder, “Vern, you disgust me.” 

“But it works!” 

“I’m not going on Tinder to find a fuckbuddy.” 

“You don’t have to look on Tinder or Tumble.” 

“Bumble.” 

“Whatever,” and his eyes flicker to his lap, where his pale fingertips turn red as he grips the edge of a throw pillow. "If you really don't wanna find someone, I can help." 

Is Vernon offering himself up? He is offering to fuck your brains out in the hope that you could inevitably fuck out your interest in Jungkook? Your eyes flicker over to Vernon's form on the couch, who's tucked in the couch just as you are. 

It’s true that you find Vernon attractive, and to some extent he definitely finds you attractive as well otherwise he wouldn’t have suggested the idea. It’s just that in college you never viewed him in that kind of light, probably because you were always so caught up in Jungkook. But tonight you can’t seem to ignore the eagerness hidden in Vernon’s carmine gaze, and how shiny and touchable his chocolate locks look under the setting sun. 

“I don’t want our friendship to change,” you reply slowly, furrowing your brows. “I appreciate it, but I don’t know. It sounds like a temporary fix.” 

“Can’t knock it if you don’t try it,” and out of curiosity, you don’t shy away when Vernon leans over to you, squeezing himself between the couch so he can tuck you in his arms. ��I want to help you, but only if you want to.” 

Maybe it’s the frustration you feel with Jisoo, Jungkook’s ignorance, or the fact that you haven’t felt physical pleasure in such a long time, but you soften into Vernon’s hold. He’s relaxed, nothing betraying him as he waits patiently for your answer. You’ve always admired how much he kept up his “cool as a cucumber” demeanor. He isn’t the type of guy to let life pass him by, but he’s the kind of person who walks along life, embracing the ups and downs like old friends. He’s the ocean waves that crest along the shore, pushing and pulling along without a care in the world. 

He’s the textbook opposite of Jeon Jungkook, which is why you give Vernon the okay to lean in and press his lips against yours. 

His kisses are soft, and he takes great care in making sure you’re comfortable with this new step in your relationship. It almost feels as if you’re cutting corners, and you can’t help but feel a little guilty that you revel in the way Vernon’s hands trail under your too-large t-shirt. 

The pleasure you’ve ached for is there, bubbling low in the pit of your belly. It’s hard to get you out of your mind however, because this man isn’t the one you love. His kisses hold no power, only brief reprieve. Your heart doesn’t palpitate and your palms don’t sweat, you’re just languid. 

You’re greedy and selfish, but you remind yourself that it’s okay to allow yourself of these freedoms, even for a little bit. As Vernon finds your sweet spot that has you rolling your hips against his, you find that temporary fix isn’t a bad start at all. 

When you trudge back to your apartment that night after much reluctance, your face is still flushed and you think you smell a little too much like Vernon’s cologne. But the fact that still stands is that you're satiated, and you feel a tiny percent closer to moving on. 

The television is glowing with a terrible reality TV show, angry brides upset over cake layers or whatever. Jungkook and Jisoo have fallen asleep on the couch, surrounded by half-empty boxes. Jungkook has his arm lazily over Jisoo, her petite body fitting perfectly between his chest and the crook of his neck. 

You scoff when you spy Jisoo's bedazzled manicure digging into Jungkook's bicep, as if someone's going to take him away if she doesn't hold tight.

With stiff muscles you spare one look at Jungkook, ignoring the pang in your chest as you weave between boxes to turn the TV off. Barely an iota of your feelings have dissipated since your previous tryst with Vernon not an hour ago. Looking at Jungkook brings it all back, unfortunately. You suppose the feelings will pass with time. The soft hum of the television ceases, and you’re bathed in a room that feels dark and empty, despite the apparent life in the room. 

There’s some bleary talk coming from the couch as you walk to your bedroom, and if Jungkook is sleepily mumbling your name in question, you pretend you don’t hear. 

“So, where’s y/n? I thought she was going to help us pack.” 

It’s an innocent enough question, as Jungkook scans the corner of the living room hallway that leads to the bedrooms. You haven’t come out yet. He knows that you love sleeping in on the weekends, but he hopes the smell of fresh food will coax you to the table. His pan is sizzling in protest, telling Jungkook to quit talking and flip the hashbrowns. He's fried up three, in the hopes you’d be up for some crispy potatoes. He knows how much you love potatoes, especially at 2AM when you’re craving fries and a McFlurry combo. 

Instead Jisoo mutters, “You toasted too much bread, you know I don’t eat bread like this,” she’s pulling slice by slice out of the toaster, until there’s a stack of six golden toasts in the middle of the kitchen table. 

A little part of him wishes to quell the precursor to the argument there. It would be so easy for Jungkook to say, “the extras are for me” because he’s trying to gain weight, and that would be that. 

Instead he continues with his unanswered question and replies honestly, “I made extra toast for y/n, babe. She was supposed to help us pack but I haven’t seen her all weekend.” But he’s pretty sure you came home last night, unless that was his imagination. 

Jisoo pulls a carafé of apple juice out of the fridge, pouring the amber liquid into two glass cups. “Ah, she said she had some last minute things to do for work. Y’know, Big Hit always wants a big hit.” 

He chuckles, tilting his head as Jisoo gives him a small smile from the kitchen table. Jisoo is always good at cheesy jokes. “She must love her job, huh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Her articles are really good, too,” the air smells like butter and Italian seasoning, as he places one hash brown on Jisoo’s plate, and two on his. He knows you edit in the Arts & Media section, and loves how you make it a point to include video games and modern graphics when it’s deemed appropriate. “She did a piece on the evolution of RPG and I thought her commentary was really spot-on.” 

He brings breakfast over to the table, while Jisoo places two slices of toast on his plate, one buttered and one with strawberry preserves. Breakfast is a quiet, but peaceful affair. Jungkook takes note of how Jisoo takes extra long to complete her meal, her fork creating ribbons in her little blob of magenta jam. He allows himself to complete his first hashbrown and a slice of toast before asking the difficult question. 

“Are you and y/n okay?” and he also takes note when Jisoo’s ministrations on her jelly stop, as she looks up at him with her big brown eyes. 

“We’re fine,” she insists, “just normal roommate issues, I promise.” 

“Maybe I should text y/n,” Jungkook says, pulling out his phone. “Lemme help you fix this, wouldn’t want you and her in a bad place when you’re about to move out.” 

“Baby, why are you so concerned about y/n?” Jisoo croons while his thumb hovers over your contact, his screen showing a two-year old selfie you two took during a study session early on in your friendship. He can’t remember the last time you two took a picture together out of spite, one without Jisoo. Jisoo’s hand pulls him away from his phone, rubbing small circles between his palm. 

He wants to ask, why aren’t you? But he sees the terseness in Jisoo’s smile, as her eyes fix between the interlocked fingers. He has a feeling he’s hovering somewhere he isn’t allowed to be in. Maybe it really is roommate stuff and it’s none of his business, but he feels a little insulted being left out because you and Jungkook are just as much best friends as you were in college. 

Or are you? 

This question plagues him throughout the day, and when Jungkook packs enough boxes for the weekend and says he needs to go home, Jisoo for once doesn’t argue. Normally Jisoo would cling to him like a koala, murmur simultaneously adorable and dirty things in his ear and lead him to her bedroom to coop up for hours on end. But Jisoo says she’s tired and needs some alone time, which is also fine. 

He doesn’t feel like going home, and instead heads straight to the gym. A couple pumps wouldn’t hurt, and it would clear his head. It’s nearly five in the evening when his body is thrumming with the afterglow of his post-workout, and he decides to take a little cool down in the mall and treat himself to a smoothie. 

It must be kismet when he sees you coming out of the bookstore, looking a little winded but no less professional in your beige blazer set and rose gold iPad. Whenever he hung around your apartment with Jisoo and you’d come home from work, he’d make it a point to acknowledge your plethora of multicolored skirt-suits. He never needs to be professional in his place of work, and admires how much effort you put in. 

“Hey!” he jogs up to you, and he catches the way your shoulders jump at his voice. “We missed you today.”

Your smile curls into something dry, and you twist your spine like rusty hinges to face him. In turn, his smile dims a little, wondering if he’s doing something wrong. Maybe you’re tired? He catches the line of sweat that glistens your baby hairs, and how your hair is done up but has fallen a few centimeters with some pieces falling out. 

“Jungkook,” you exhale, “lifting boxes wasn’t enough of a workout?” 

“You know me,” he replies stiffly, hiking his backpack higher upon his shoulder. Why does this conversation feel so awkward? “So, finishing up work? Sucks you have to work on a Sunday.” 

“Ah, it wasn’t so bad,” you face relaxes a little as you explain your work, “it was children’s day at the bookstore and they were watching Disney movies. I’m writing a piece on how I believe Ratatouille is Pixar’s magnum opus. Interviewed some kids, I wanted an expert opinion.”  

“Ratatouille is the superior film,” he declares with a firm nod, “after all, anyone can cook.” He revels in the small smile he manages to retrieve from you, immediately understanding the inside joke. If he came out of the gym five minutes earlier, he probably would’ve been able to catch you in the bookstore. What a shame, he would’ve loved to see you play around with the kids. 

At the mention of food, the mall manages to silence itself enough for him to catch the grumbling coming from your stomach. He laughs when your cheeks heat. 

“I was on my way to get some smoothies,” he jabs a thumb in the direction of the food court, “wanna catch up and get a bite?” 

“Oh, I don’t know, I have a lot of work to edit,” disappointment pangs in his chest at your easy rejection, but he ignores it, “I kinda wanna save some money too, still not sure if I’m staying in the apartment after Jisoo moves.” 

He doesn’t know what compels him to take your shoulders and wheel you in the direction of the food court, much to your protest and whines. “C’mon, explain to me why Ratatouille is the magnum opus—I need to defend why The Incredibles is superior. I’ll treat you to dinner.” 

“What? I can pay for my own food—” 

“And I can’t treat my best friend to a nice meal once in a while?” 

That has you stopping in your tracks, and Jungkook nearly barrels his chest into your head if not for the grippy soles of his Adidas Ultraboosts. He can’t see your face, but his hands note how your muscles cord tightly between the cotton of your blazer. 

He doesn’t understand why you’re so tense. Was it because he called you his best friend? Well, you are? At one point he felt that way, early on in college. The position just stuck with you. And when Jisoo told him you weren’t interested, he was perfectly fine with the platonic relationship. It was nice to have someone to talk media and video games to, someone not as chaotic as Jimin and someone not as deterred as Yoongi. 

Although, maybe as of late he hasn’t been so much of a friend. It’s no one’s fault, he’s been caught up with work and Jisoo’s move, he hasn’t said so much as a “hey how are you” when you’re around. He can’t blame you. 

Suddenly his mind blanks, the mall fading away as he focuses on how small you look as your eyes dart between the parking lot and the food court. Jisoo and Jungkook have been so caught up on each other lately, that he fears you’re starting to separate yourself.

“Um, this place is good,” you tug him by the elbow and lead him to a fast food joint. 

When he picks up both your orders and comes over to your saved table, you’re talking animatedly on the phone. You’re laughing, looking at Jungkook as if he’s the one intruding and you’re muttering a hushed “sorry” as you continue the tail end of the conversation. 

“Yes, Joonie. Go with section two, I know my shit. I’m your Work Wife for a reason, Umji in PR could never compare,” you’re giggling like you’re five years younger, and Jungkook feels stuck in a timelapse. 

He watches you go, throwing around names and terms that he’s so lost on but so desperate to understand. He knows nothing about your life other than the one that’s tied with Jisoo, which is a damn shame. Since when did he inevitably downgrade you from “best friend” to “his girlfriend’s roommate?” 

“I’m sorry,” you turn your phone over and push it to the side, giving Jungkook a smile as well, albeit weaker, “let’s dig in!” 

To his relief the dinner goes as good as it should be. You have your tray practically overflowing at the seams, all on Jungkook’s dime. It has his heart swelling with pride, he hasn’t seen you eat in a long time. There’s fries spilling out from the corners, and two sandwiches because you couldn’t decide between a chicken sandwich and a burger. 

Food gets you amicable, and he doesn’t mind when he does most of the talking. You’re engrossed in his talk, lettuce hanging out of your mouth as you’re rapt with attention as he recalls a story that happened at work recently with Mingyu. You ask questions in all the right places and he sucks up all your attention like a happy pill, and it feels nice to be able to lead a conversation for once. 

“Jeez, I’m getting the burger sweats,” you giggle to yourself, and his smile brightens at your positive change in attitude. Food always helps. 

When you remove your thick high-collar blazer, that’s when he sees it. 

“Seeing someone?” he asks, eyes flickering curiously towards the violet bruises that bloom across your neck. 

“What–oh,” you have the audacity to look embarrassed, hands clutching your neck like a shield, “no, just a hookup.” 

A messy hookup, too. Unless you had a thing for showing off marks, which doesn’t seem to be the case. “Didn’t peg you for someone who hooks up,” he says more to himself than you, but you catch him on his impulse jab. 

Your eyes narrow and your defenses go up, “I’m trying to get over someone,” you snip back, busying your hands by crushing up your greasy sandwich wrappers. 

“Am I allowed to state my opinion?” 

“Since you asked so politely, no.” 

He sighs, “I just don’t think that’s the best way to get over someone,” heck, Jungkook doesn’t even know who exactly you’re trying to get over. He just knows that you’re far too smart and independent to let yourself resort to such matters. 

“It isn’t, but it’s really the best option as of now,” you reply curtly. 

And his gaze saddens as he sees you fold your blazer over your arm, indicating that your time is up. Jungkook is aware the comment he made is out of line, and it weakens him knowing that you don’t even want to pick a fight with him. He can’t even find it in himself to apologize properly. 

He doesn’t know if he’s more sad that you’re pining over someone unattainable or upset at himself for not knowing you’ve been harboring feelings for someone. If you really think hooking up is your only option, you must be really hung about whoever you’re into as of late. 

“If it’s worth anything,” Jungkook adds, wanting to leave on a high note, “fuck that guy. He clearly doesn’t deserve you.” 

A small, secret smile plays on your lips, “Yeah, I like to believe that.” 

“I’m anxious,” Namjoon’s mantra makes the whole energy in the room wobbly, paired with the fact the two of you are squished between cardboard boxes as Jungkook aimlessly moves things around like a Tetris screen. 

The only time you feel remotely comfortable basking in your home is when Jisoo is gone. Oh-so conveniently is the Big Hit building undergoing maintenance today, so you and Namjoon have decided to work from home in your apartment. Although you thought by now that Jisoo’s boxes would be long gone and tucked away in Jungkook’s place, instead you’re living in an episode of Ed, Edd and Eddy and the cardboard is practically wall-to-wall. You also thought by now that Jungkook would have no reason to show up unannounced anymore, but apparently that’s not the case. 

“I have, anxiety,” Namjoon adjusts his glasses for the nth time this afternoon, brain not fixed enough to focus on the screen of his chrome MacBook, “anxiety, anxiety. I can’t right now. I need my weighted blanket and a pillow.” 

“Namjoon, I can get both of those for you if we just send in this last spread,” you coo gently, as if placating a baby. You make brief eye contact with Jungkook from the other side of the room, his lips quirking in amusement as he stacks a box of clothes by the kitchen. 

“Do you feel my palms? My palms, they’re like a fucking fountain you need to feel them—” your Wusband approaches you like a zombie, leaning over you and tripping over his criss-crossed legs before he topples over you. 

“Blegh, get off of me you sweat giant!” you cry with a good-natured laugh, although the grip of Namjoon’s palms under your shoulders are damp and slimy, “Joon, I can’t get you your blanket if you’re crushing my boobs.” 

Namjoon finally relents, untacking himself to rest his chin on your glass coffee table. “Fine.” 

“Look over the last column and I’ll bring your blanket, okay?” 

Pushing yourself off the ground, you shuffle your way out of the living room through the maze of boxes and into the hallway. It feels like your apartment is less of an apartment and more of a storage space when you’re trapped in-between two lines of boxes, and Jungkook effectively blocking you from entering your room. He was just in the living room but now he’s come from the linen closet, standing between the entrance of your room. 

“Sorry,” he pops his head out from a smaller box, one filled with designer costume jewelry. 

“It’s fine,” you chirp, barely making eye contact as you shuffle over the boxes. 

Your toe drags over the lid of one of the open boxes in an attempt to move diagonally. You nearly crash your face into the hardwood if not for Jungkook’s arm stretching out to catch you. In seconds he manages to catch all your weight in one hand, pulling you to him with your hip pressed against his. Your breath traps itself in your neck. Your subconscious fears that if you speak now, you’ll babble about how attractive it is that he’s able to catch you as easily as grabbing a light sheet of paper. 

“Careful,” his voice rumbles in his throat as he regards you with a wan smile. 

Your “thanks” is barely uttered as you slip into your room, heaving your weighted blanket and a pillow in your arms to let Namjoon borrow. 

The burgundy quilted fabric is hunched over your shoulder, draped around your body so it’s easier for you to carry on your back. You try to eradicate the memory of Jungkook’s arms, lean and strong as he held you to him moments before.

Ugh, you thought messing around with Vernon would stop your silly pining. It seems that it’ll take more than a couple rounds to satiate your curiosity. For such a kind guy, Jungkook seems like a wolf in sheep’s clothing when it comes to the bedroom. 

You can imagine him being so kind in the beginning, coaxing you to wan and bend to his every wish and command. And then when you keen a little too hard at the attention, you bet a switch would flip and he’d grab you—

The blanket flops around your back, and you’re sorely reminded that you’re thirsting over a taken man, yet again.  

Jungkook makes it extremely difficult for him to be hateable. It’s by nature that he’s just so damn likeable. Heck, he’s pretty much packed seventy percent of the things Jisoo should be packing right now. 

Making sure not to trip again, on your feelings and your blanket, you successfully reach a tired Namjoon. You tuck your koala-shaped pillow under your co-editor’s arms, and drape the heavy blanket over him like a cape. He’s giving you a thumbs up and a toothless smile, the previous meltdown overcome as he focuses on finishing the last of today’s work. He’s slipped on some noise-cancelling earphones, presumably filled with generic coffee-house music or rain playlists. 

Wordlessly you go to your nook to prepare some tea. It’s getting late and a warm cup would distract you from the impending deadline. Despite the fact that you and Namjoon are 99% of the way done, his previous freak-out has you on live-wire and you could use a little caffeine. 

Placing three mugs on the counter you call, “Jungkook, tea?” 

“Yes please,” you stiffen when you feel Jungkook magically appear right behind you, his head peering over your shoulder, “with milk and honey.” 

Deciding to give Jungkook the beehive-shaped mug because it’s very on-brand for him, you begin to steep the leaves in your kettle while he spoons the honey. 

“So,” his words are slow as the drip of honey, the amber goo taking its time to descend into his mug as it falls from the dipper. “Is that the guy you’re trying to get over?” 

Jungkook lifts his brows towards Namjoon, who is softcore jamming to his white noise playlist. It’s cute as to how curious Jungkook is about Namjoon. While you try to keep your work life separate, there really isn’t much backstory to your personal life to warrant that kind of divide. 

“Namjoon,” you state aloud, watching Namjoon sing badly to himself, “why, are you gonna beat him up for me?” 

“I can take him,” you can practically hear Jungkook’s chest pop out. 

With a roll of your eyes, you reach to kill the heat off the tea kettle, “No need. He isn’t the guy I’m trying to get over.” 

“Oh, he’s your fuck buddy then?” 

“Shit!” being caught off guard, you grab at the handle of your kettle without a pot holder, burning your fingertips. In seconds Jungkook’s larger hand encases your own, pulling you over to the sink to soak your fingers in cool running water.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Jungkook is chanting like a sinner at church, searching for any sign of pain in your visage, “I shouldn’t have asked while you’re working with a hot stove.” 

You suppress a sigh, relaxing your fingers as Jungkook soothes the burn with his gentle hold, “Shouldn’t have asked in the first place,” you mumble. 

“I know,” he replies, “guess I’m just feeling a little left out. We don’t talk like we used to. I guess I’m getting a little too nosy for my own good, aren’t I?” 

You don’t understand what’s going on with his incessant babbling as of late, but you chalk it up to work stress and Jisoo’s move. Having no answers to his honest reply, you gently untack your red palm from his grip, assuring him that you’re fine. 

Namjoon steps into your kitchenette, being surprisingly careful as he takes your potholder to pour himself a cup of tea. If the tea is oversteeped and bitter he doesn’t say anything, only leans against the counter as he regards you two with slow sips. “You alright?” 

“M’fine,” you reply stubbornly, avoiding Jungkook’s worried stare. 

Namjoon holds out his hand, “Hand.” 

“No—”

“Hand.” 

His deep voice coerces you, and you immediately slap the back of your palm onto Namjoon’s. Your partner brushes his golden hands over the tiny blister that’s forming over your fingertips. “Can’t have my Work Wife outta commission.” 

“Your Work Wife is fine,” you gripe back. 

Your co-worker’s eyes flicker over to Jungkook’s for a brief second, Jungkook regarding him in curiosity as he stares at your connected palms. “I have some aloe in my bag for sunburns,” Namjoon offers helpfully, ignoring the weird glances, “I’ll give it to you in a bit. Also, I’ve overcome my sudden bout of stress and I’m ready to email our progress to Victoria. We’re done for the day.” 

“Awesome, thanks Joonie,” you exhale, relaxing against the sink, “wanna go eat somewhere?” 

“There’s a niche place in Itaewon if you wanna check it out?” Namjoon offers.

Jungkook interjects, “Jisoo ordered pizza if you guys wanna share with us?” 

“Pizza also sounds good—” 

“We don’t wanna interrupt your alone time,” you gracefully cut in, stepping in front of Namjoon despite the fact that he’s easily towering over you. 

Jungkook snorts, “I’ll have enough alone time with her when she moves in, don’t worry. Besides, I ordered three pies because I wanted to try three different flavor combos. I need two additional judges.” 

“Thanks Jungkook but,” you stifle a cry when Namjoon jabs you in the back with his thumb. It’s pressing, digging into the small of your back as if he’s trying to telepathically tell you that you’re being rude, “but… I don’t know if I can eat three slices! Namjoon on the other hand, can probably eat enough to fairly judge.” 

“Great,” Jungkook’s smile is blinding, causing your grin to stiffen as he looks for his phone to shoot Jisoo a quick text that they’re having dinner for four. 

Once Jungkook’s out of earshot, Namjoon tugs you by the sleeve, “The hell was that?” he hisses in your ear, “you look like you’re about to shit and piss your pants at the same time.” 

“I just don’t feel comfortable eating with them,” you cross your arms in defiance. You think back to just a week ago where you and Jisoo reluctantly attempted to eat breakfast together one morning. You provided minimal small talk while Jisoo clinged to her phone, replying to you in non-committal clipped tones. 

“Do I want to know?”

“No.” 

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No!” you retort, “you got me into this mess, you’re gonna stay with me ‘till the end.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, woman,” Namjoon throws his arms out exasperatedly, oolong tea nearly sloshing onto his hand, “just suck it up or I revoke your bragging rights to that snag you got on our spread next Monday.” 

“Not my fault you couldn’t get Kim Taeyeon on the spread,” you smirk. 

“Well I didn’t so happen to stalk the Sephora she frequents for the past two weeks—” 

“I didn’t stalk her I just so happened to need a new Fenty Gloss Bomb every other day—”

“I’m home, Jungkookie!” 

Your face contorts, your playful energy melting to the hardwood as your previous banter with Namjoon evaporates into thin air. Work bags in one hand and three boxes of pizza balancing in the other, Jisoo kicks off her heels somewhere across the door and places the pizza on the dining table. 

Jungkook immediately appears by her side, and you look away and Jisoo plants a heavy kiss on his lips. She cracks open one eye as she notices you and Namjoon hanging by the kitchenette, “Oh,” she mumbles at her audience, “you’re here?” 

Yes, you bimbo. I’m here in my own apartment. 

“I guess you didn’t read my text that they’ll be joining us for dinner,” Jungkook cuts in good-naturedly, “we have way too much pizza anyway. Have a seat, guys.” 

Jungkook navigates the kitchen as easily as your own, and you slump in your chair while Namjoon exchanges pleasantries with Jisoo. She looks impeccable, hair in a tight chignon and a tight navy dress as she converses with your co-editor. 

“I’m starving,” Jungkook announces, making sure to place a slice on Jisoo’s plate. He shuffles through the other boxes, making brief eye contact with you when he decides to put a slice on yours as well, “you like these toppings, right?” 

You regard the greasy, hearty piece of cheese and bread with a curt nod. You feel Jisoo’s eyes laser on your skin, “Yeah, thanks Kook.” 

Namjoon, Jisoo and Jungkook mostly stir up the conversation, you opting to eat as slow as possible to avoid any conversation. It’s easy to blend back and let them take over, as Jisoo loves to talk about her fashion firm and Namjoon is a great listener. 

Jungkook and Namjoon make it a point to direct the conversation to you from time to time, and you let the ball leave your court as soon as it lands. You prefer to keep your responses short and simple, especially when Jisoo is so eager to talk about the new silk drapes she’s installing for Jungkook’s windows.

Your phone buzzes in your lap, and you discreetly look under the table to read the incoming text message. 

vernie bernie: would u like to do the devil’s dance tonight

vernie bernie: or a tickle to my pickle? 

vernie bernie: beatin ya bean? 

You: ohmyGOD 

vernie bernie: or y’know, u could just come ovr and chill. Hobi made some bomb tres leches

You: call. Ill come after dinner

“Are you okay, y/n?” your head bounces up to meet Jungkook’s gaze, “you’ve barely eaten and you haven’t talked much.” 

“Oh you know, she’s just stressed about the upcoming spread,” Namjoon steps in for you, and you send him a discrete, but grateful smile. He’s always impeccable at reading the room, “she’s just nervous about her interview with Kim Taeyeon, but I think you did her interview justice.” 

“No way, the singer Kim Taeyeon?” Jungkook gushes, regarding you with stars in his eyes, “your interviews are always so great, y/n. You ask really good questions. Like that one spread about  Lee Yonghwa’s art gallery? Really cool.” 

You notice the way Jisoo presses her lips together, a thin line as if she’s trying to seal away words that she’ll regret saying. She’s jealous, and you can’t help the blush of pride that fills your veins as you raise a secret brow at her. 

“Right, you got nothing to worry about,” Namjoon squeezes your shoulder encouragingly, as if you’d get his double-meaning. 

“Thanks,” you reply, pushing your plate away and standing up, “I’m actually gonna go head to Vernon’s for a bit, though. He wants to double check his work before we email Victoria.” 

It’s a bald-faced lie, Namjoon sent the files to Victoria right before dinner, but he isn’t going to argue. 

“Okay,” Namjoon thanks Jungkook and Jisoo for the meal, stacking his plate atop yours, “I’ll walk out with you.” 

“It’s only been twenty minutes, though,” you see the slight panic in Jungkook’s gaze as he watches you quickly clean up for you and Namjoon. You can’t quite pin why he’s so concerned, after all he has been acting strange as of late. 

“Yeah, I’m full,” you reply curtly, licking your lips and avoiding his gaze. You already know what he wants to say, that he’s been in your apartment all day and all he’s seen you eat is stale chips and tea, “but we can do this again.” But hopefully not. 

“If you’re coming home late again,” it’s the first time Jisoo has spoken to you directly. You tilt your head to her slowly, watching the plastic smile carefully carved onto her expression. You see the contrived care and concern between her brows, “please try to be quieter next time, the last time you came home late you woke Jungkookie up.” 

Snapping your gaze to Jungkook you plaster on a thick smile, “Sorry Jungkook—” 

“What? No, it’s fine!” he furrows his brows in confusion, finally able to detect the strange tension between the two housemates, “I barely heard you—” 

“Maybe I’ll just stay the night at Vernon’s,” your eyes trail over to the pajama set you immediately switched into when you got home today, “wouldn’t want to disturb you two.” 

“Good,” Jisoo’s tone is saccharine and clipped as she tacks on a, “have fun.” 

It’s laudable, how much Jisoo wants to make a fool out of you but you won’t have it. You revel in the perplexed expression as Jungkook’s gaze darts back and forth between the two of you, wanting to butt in but unsure of how to approach it. Not giving him the time to, you bid the couple a goodnight and make a fast getaway. Heck, you don’t even take your work stuff with you. 

Once you’re out the door, Namjoon wordlessly gives you a hug. You sigh gratefully into his embrace. 

The next time Jungkook sees you, he reads the room before anything. You and Jisoo’s apartment is scarily empty, almost clinical. He’s tried texting you a few times after his failed-not-failed attempt at catching up at the mall and his awkward conversation concerning Namjoon, but you always reply back with vague replies and an unpromised promise of meeting up sometime soon. 

It dulls him to think that you’ve given up on him as a friend. But can you blame him? He needs to keep an appropriate distance for Jisoo, after all, she doesn’t like it when he gets too close to other women unless it’s strictly professional. Usually Jisoo’s jealousy inevitably works itself out and Jungkook doesn’t pose any problems because he has very few girl friends, but for some reason your friendship with him specifically gets Jisoo stiff in the face. Is it because you and Jisoo are so close? Possibly. 

But it doesn’t mean you can’t join the same Valorant server with him at 2AM and accidentally bomb each other, or argue over the magnum opus of each film company. Is that not enough? 

Jisoo’s working overtime, and Jungkook suggested last night that he move the boxes to the front of the door for easy pick-up when the moving truck arrives. Jisoo promises to buy Thai food in return, and with a kiss emoji she leaves him to audit fabric budgets. 

As he glides down to Jisoo’s room he notes that the pictures along the wall have disappeared, and there’s double the amount of boxes in the hallway. It seems that you’re moving out too. To where, he doesn’t know but he hopes it isn’t too far. 

He chides Jisoo remotely when he sees that her room is completely intact, and he makes moves to pack up her things. 

That’s when he finds his letter. Not a love letter to Jisoo, but a love letter to you. Deep in the recesses of Jisoo’s junk drawer, is a faded lavender envelope with a pressed cream colored baby’s breath taped up in plastic. The glue is yellow and old, clearly served its purpose due to the fact that the letter is already opened and the contents rumpled. 

Hey Pretty Girl–

He immediately stuffs the letter back in its holder, stricken at his messy handwriting from two years ago. It feels like he found a time capsule, another version of Jungkook confessing to you. He used to call you Pretty Girl, not enough for you to catch on to his feelings, but enough for you to understand that he did find you attractive. It was early on in your friendship. 

When you first asked him to be study partners for some silly class that had nothing to do with each other’s majors, he gaped like a guppy and pointed to himself. That day he went to class in last night’s clothes and a nest of fluffy strands. “Me?” he felt like absolute trash, and you were probably desperate due to the fact you two were the only seniors in this class, “but you’re a pretty girl… and I’m pretty dumb when it comes to this subject.” 

But instead you scoffed and pulled him from his slumped figure, dragging him to the library, with a wink and a “you’re pretty, too.” Those words have burned in his brain since then, as he wasn’t used to getting such off-handed compliments, especially from intelligent girls that wanted more than one night. 

For whatever reason you continued seeing his dumb self, even after the semester ended and together registered for one more class for spring. 

Whenever you’d go out for ice cream you wouldn’t hesitate to stuff your face and add for extra Oreos and fries, you’d assure Jungkook you’re not normally this much of a slob. 

Jungkook would just smile and offer you a napkin and say, “You’re still a pretty girl.” 

He fell for you gracefully. There was no regret, no walk of shame, no cliché late night party where you or him could’ve instigated it into the physical. It was all by feel. 

However the two of you took your time with your relationship, languidly enjoying the hushed conversations in the library at 2AM, the late night McFlurry runs, the integration of each other’s friends like it was natural. Ergo the lavender love letter. It was a gentle declaration, one he felt pretty confident in. 

So color him stupid when you passed him in class with a happy wave, Jungkook dumbfounded at how well you handled his confession. You weren’t oblivious, you just never read it. 

But now he knows the declaration was for whatever reason, lost in transit. “I should’ve known,” he whispers in the air, the letter crumpling in his grip. Composing himself, he pinches his brows.  

There’s an electronic buzz and a sharp slam of the front door. Judging by the time, you’re home. 

You flop onto your mattress, folding an arm over your head to stop the sun from seeping to your eyes. Vernon’s exhausted you, and you barely got away before he could have any say in it. You need a little space, and some time to think. 

Just as you close the door to your bedroom, it swings open. 

You gape as Jungkook thrusts himself into your bedroom like a deer with horns, looking pale. You follow his gaze, darkened eyes that linger a little too long on your neck again, and you narrow your eyes at him to avert. He looks a little red in the cheeks despite his pallidness, looking like he just got out of bed with messy wavy locks and his signature sweats. Is Jungkook packing for Jisoo again? 

Acutely aware that you smell like sweat and sex, you clutch the blankets closer to your body. “Uh, rude.” 

He looks uncharastically frantic, waving a letter in his hand, “Did you ever read this?” 

“Read what?” you ask, hands reaching out for the envelope. 

“My confession letter,” he blurts, having no shame now that all the gears are running through his head. “I wrote you a letter asking you out, because you said you wanted to collect notes like in Letters to Juliet. But I just found it in Jisoo’s drawer, why would it be there?” 

And all the pent up frustration that never seemed to escape under Vernon’s sheets, the feelings that never seem to subside, all bubble back to the surface. Now that Jungkook knows, there’s no hiding. 

You’re in shock, hands reaching for the letter despite the burn that seeps through your fingertips. Jungkook’s shoulders slump when you do indeed look like it’s your first time seeing this, as if a missing puzzle piece in your timeline has finally been revealed.

“I, I didn’t think you’d write me a letter,” you take the lavender envelope, clutching the letter by your chest like it’s something precious, “that’s so sweet,” you say to yourself.  

It dawns on him, “Wait, you knew about this? I knew something weird was going on.” 

“Only recently,” you frown. 

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” he nearly shouts, causing you to flinch, “no wonder why you were being so weird all this time. How could you let me live the rest of my life knowing this? That my relationship is built on a lie? ” 

“I don’t know,” you suddenly feel very small in your mattress as Jungkook rounds up on you, pulling your desk chair closer to your bed, “because you love Jisoo, of course.” 

“Well obviously that’s not possible,” and while yes a two-year realtionship ending like this is going to hit him hard tonight, he’s focused on you and the fact that you failed to tell him, “somehow I’d find out. Why wait for me to find out on my own?” 

“Because I wanted to protect you!” 

“Protect me,” he scoffs, crossing his arms and sneering at you. It causes you to tense up, feeling the telltale signs of tears bubbling to the surface, “you don’t even want to be friends anymore, y/n. I’ve tried to catch up to you so many times, but you keep leaving me hanging. I know I’ve been a pretty bad friend and I get it if you just feel awkward that I liked you, then that’s a shitty reason.” 

“Have you ever considered that it’s too late to tell you?” you shoot back, sitting up straight, “yes, I admit I should’ve told you earlier and I’m sorry, but it was a lot for me to process to y’know? Jisoo and I haven’t talked properly in weeks!” 

“Oh, so you’ve stopped trying to be friends with Jisoo too, huh? Just like you’re trying to stop being friends with me.” 

“No,” you pinch your brows, “she stopped being friends with me! She doesn’t care about me because she has you,” conflict burns in Jungkook’s gaze, and you only serve to fuel the fire, “she’s tried so hard to not involve me in your relationship.” 

“Just tell me why you’ve really kept this secret instead of saying you want to protect me like a baby—” 

“It’s because I’m in love with you, idiot!” 

You blink and back up against the wall of your bedroom, as if you can’t believe that the words came out of your mouth. 

It’s quiet again. The sour look evaporates from Jungkook’s face as he watches you suppress your sobs on your mattress. The room seems devoid, sucked out of its color as you’ve cleaned up most of your things, the only thing left being some plain grey sheets and a pillow. 

Jungkook’s mind is absolutely reeling, playing back memories from a different point of view. 

“When Jisoo told me she sabotaged our relationship so she could date you, I was so upset and didn’t know what to think,” you manage to place the lavender note on your wooden desk, making sure no tears could mar it. “And I thought I could move on and eventually stay friends with the both of you, but the next day Jisoo put all her attention on you and completely ignored me or any attempt to salvage our friendship. She only told me to forgive herself,” you’re hugging yourself, wrapping the blankets around you like a weak embrace, “so I thought if I cut myself out of the picture and forced myself to move on like I should’ve, everything would’ve been okay.” 

“So, you would’ve rather kept all this pain to yourself?” 

“Yeah,” you give him a teary smile, “because I wanted you to be happy.” 

And with an equally sad smile he murmurs, “But I’m not happy.” 

 Your face falls, and you really look at Jungkook. He’s exhausted as well, slumped in his chair. Has he been trying to grapple along the threads of his relationships, while you’ve been trying to loosen them? 

“What a waste of two years,” he slumps in your chair, letting the pieces click into place, “a relationship built on fake love. I was really trying, y’know. I thought I was going crazy.” 

The three of you have unknowingly been playing a futile game of Cat’s Cradle, a game that no one wins. 

Jungkook looks wistfully out the window, noting the pleasant day that fails to present itself in your tiny room. It feels simultaneously satisfying and bitter when it falls into place, your thoughts finally fitting together for the first time in months. “We could’ve loved each other. For real,” he says, and you silently agree. 

You’re still crying, shaking like a leaf in autumn. Jungkook’s arms hover awkwardly over yours, his warmth palpable despite the fact that he hasn’t touched you yet. With a timid smile you allow consent, and you melt like putty in his arms. 

“Kookie, ‘m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” you murmur into his shoulder, not caring if it hurts when you press your chin into his skin. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” 

It’s been so long to have him close like this, the friend you’ve always wanted but never needed. Since college you’ve always imagined a life without him doing just fine, but that doesn’t mean you want to live without him, roommate’s boyfriend or not. 

“I’m sorry too,” he sighs back, “this sucks right now, but we’ll be alright.” 

The two of you sit in your room until it turns dark and the sky muddles into shades of twilight and egg yolk orange. There’s lulls in the conversation, the two of you filling in the gaps and making sense of the mumbo-jumbo that’s been going on in your consciousness up until this point. Your insantities turn sane, and by the time Jisoo’s making her way back inside with the smell of pad thai, Jungkook is ready. With a squeeze to each other and a press of your lips because you don’t know what to say, you tuck yourself in and pretend to fall asleep. 

“Messy, messy, messy,” Vernon sing-songs, knocking his heels against the wall. 

The both of you are sitting upside-down, butts attached to the wall connecting to his mattress and your feet hanging in the air. Your mint floral organza socks pad against his Pink Floyd poster, while his yellow tube socks are heeling against some old Polaroids from college. There’s no prospect of sex today, not when shit just hit the fan. 

Today you and Vernon are just two old friends and very close co-workers. 

“Tell me about it,” you bemoan, frowning at the beige wall, “this whole week’s just been a whole mess. It’s like, warm tuna salad.”

“Gross,” Vernon grimaces at the apt comparison, “so what happens now?” 

You sit up on your elbows, looking down at Vernon’s peaceful expression, “What do you mean?” 

“Like, are you gonna get together with him?”

You snort, flopping back down on his bed. The blankets fluff around you and you inhale the pine scented sheets. “After all that? No.” 

“But you still love him?” 

It must sound dumb to still love him after all this time. You wouldn’t be surprised if Vernon thought you’re silly to still hold a place in your heart for someone who has fifteen million things on their plate now. After all the physicality and the space Vernon gave you in his home, your feelings haven’t wavered. 

Your companion doesn’t bother waiting for your answer, hearing your answer somewhere in the air as he gets up and throws on his denim jacket. Rolling over your stomach you ask, “Where are you going?” 

“Some friends down in printing want to meet up for drinks,” Vernon messes up his hair, making the waves part in that little coiff that makes his jawline look sharp. “I heard Yerin really wanted me to come, so.” 

You can’t help the little middle school coo that comes from your lips, causing Vernon to giggle and throw a pillow at you. “Yerin’s cute!” you declare, remembering the petite girl in overalls who’s all about pops of yellow and violet, “you're into her?” 

“Nah,” Vernon holds up two hats in his hands, gesturing for you to pick one. “Just figured it was a push in the right direction.” 

Crawling out of his bed you stumble in your oversized t-shirt, tucking a finger under your chin as you decide between the emerald bucket hat and the red Ralph Lauren baseball cap. You pull out both hats from his hands and set it down on his vanity, opting to smooth out the flyaways and ringing your fingers through his soft curls. “And what direction would my free-flowing friend be going today?” you ask aloud, “you look better with your hair out,” you declare firmly, “makes you look like a fluffy CEO.” 

He laughs at your silly comparison, and he gently moves your hand away from his hair when you linger a little too close to him. His gaze is solemn as he regards you with a gentle smile, “Keep your distance, I’m tryna get over someone,” he says simply, and your arm falls limp at your sides. 

Your heart thuds in a different direction, your mouth parting but no words coming to the surface. When was the last time you asked about Vernon’s needs, wondered if he was doing alright, making sure you two were on the same page—

“You’re spiraling,” he reads you like a playbook, smoothing down your hair to press a kiss to the crown. Suddenly you feel guilty for not having sparks in your belly, shaming your conscience for not even considering his sacrifices in your self-absorption these past few weeks. “Like I said, I wanted to help you. Stop looking like a kicked puppy, it’s okay to be selfish.” 

With transparent tears the two of you pack up and head to your next destination. Hands ghosting between each other you make your way to the exit of Vernon’s apartment, him to meet up with his friends while you have to unpack your new apartment. With a hug you tell each other you’ll see them on Monday, and as easy as that you go your separate ways.

Hey Pretty Girl—

I kinda wanted to tell you this in person but I know how much you liked Mamma Mia and all those other movies that have grand gestures in writing so I thought hey, might as well shoot my shot on paper. 

Not gonna tell you all the details, because you deserve to hear it in-person. But mayhaps this letter has something to do with how much I like studying with you, watching movies with you, doing absolutely nothing with you and all of that in-between. 

There’s a gift card to our spot attached. Meet me at McDonalds @12 tonight, so I know it’s real 😎

Hopefully yours, Jungkook

P.S. if you haven’t noticed already, I sprayed a little cologne and stole Taehyung’s fancy paper from Muji. That’s how serious I am about you. 

“Joon, we live in a bonsai garden. We’re like giants in a forest.” 

“Can you—can you stop spitting at them? Let them breathe, dammit.” 

“Not my fault they’re so tiny! I literally have to zoom 200% just to get a good look at ‘em.” 

The two of you are huddled in what used to be Namjoon’s balcony, now a sunroom for his succulents and bonsais. Your heart feels pink and swollen with affection as you regard Namjoon with interest, absorbing every bit of information you can as he teaches you how to care for his plants. After all, you’re co-parenting now. 

Having your Wusband co-sign as your roommate for the next year is probably the best decision you have made this year. Everyday is like a breath of fresh air. With Seokjin gone for the year to tour his restaurant franchises, his room is yours for the taking. The two of you are easy going roommates, filling the apartment with color and vigour whether it be in the form of baking sweets or watching Netflix documentaries. 

The only drama you ever have is when you two are having a meltdown over the same work-related issue, as if you two somehow share the same brain cell. It’s significantly less stressful, no need for unnecessary anger when  you have someone as mediating as Namjoon.

After today’s plant lesson, you two go back to the living room to finish up your work for the evening. Another perk of living together is that you can go home at normal work times and continue where you left off with the comfort of your couch and eating a whole pizza pie with no shame. 

Namjoon’s phone pings with a new email from corporate. “We got the new concept for next month’s spread,” he gestures to you with a grandiose wave of his arm, “drumroll please.” 

He pulls up the newsletter from corporate with a flick of his thumb. Your company put out every month’s concept out in an Evite, like every month was a themed party. A stressful, month long work party. In seconds, the page loaded and you’re met with next month’s title bathed in electronic glitter. 

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Class of Youth

The two of you say silent, absorbing the concept like a cookie to milk. It’s a personal spread this month, a real treat for the team to show off their normal non-professional life. A spread that reveals the masters behind the ink and text. Last year’s personal spread was about the staff’s vacation destinations, but this year’s is much more intimate. You can imagine all the ideas that will be thrown around on Monday’s meeting: pinning down shared ideas like Throwback Thursdays, late night munchie runs, drunk stories, and all the crazy college nostalgia that you’ve been trying to avoid as of late. 

But now it’s presented to you in a gold chalice, and while you’re sick of the past you think it’s about time to face it. You’re excited to tackle the dark monster you’ve suppressed since Jungkook and Jisoo’s breakup. 

“Did I ever tell you I was president of my university’s Mock Trial?” 

“No, I always thought you’d be president of the Comparative Literature Club or whatever. But Mock Trial is equally as nerdy.” 

“I’ll have you know Mock Trial got me tons of action,” he winked, “made me very convincing.” 

“Gross,” you sneer, “so that’s what your spread will be about? How the co-editor of the Arts & Entertainment section managed to bag with his skills from Mock Trial?” 

“Nah, I went on a penniless journey with Jin during spring break. Six days around Malta.” 

“That does sound so you,” you sigh, fingers slipping between the cracked screen as you mull over the overly happy Evite, “sounds like a cool story.” 

“I know that look,” Namjoon quips, snatching his phone under his nose, “don’t overthink your spread just yet, it’s still the weekend. Now to more important things, what do you want from Taco Bell?”

And because you can’t refuse the combined efforts of nachos and Namjoon’s dimples, you relent for the night and tack the unmade idea to the next workday. 

Unfortunately the next workday is just as disheartening. Today’s work meeting is the antithesis of icing on the cake. While your college life isn’t anything remarkable, you didn’t think it was a painfully dull time. With every passing moment and every excited co-worker throwing memories back and forth like ping pong balls, the more you felt inferior by competing with their amazing memories. 

“Who can even afford Aruba at twenty-one,” you mutter under your breath, stalking back to your cubicle. 

Filling up a whole spread is daunting to you, the thought of Victoria popping her head in your cubicle to ask what you’ve got for the day is practically eating you from the inside out. Maybe your college life was in actuality, super boring? You have no crazy drug trips to tell, any vacations that gave you a life-changing perspective, or an epic love story. 

“What’cha got there, partner?” 

The third musketeer of your editing team’s caramel eyes peer into your cubicle, causing you to jump in your chair. Vernon wheels around, chair and all to push you into your already cramped space. His gold button up gleams in the sunlight, effectively blinding you. 

“If by something you mean nothing, then yeah I got nothing,” you frown, spinning around your chair. “What are you writing about?” 

A fond smile melts onto your friend’s face, and you can’t help returning a smile that mirrors his own. You two have fallen back into a good place, as far as you know. He’s still easy, simple, sweet Vernon. When you dropped some boxes off in coloring, you heard that Vernon and Yerin have recently started seeing each other. 

“Thought of the idea as soon as the Evite came out. It’s more of a photo spread, but I’m gonna write about my study abroad in NYU,” Vernon ticks a pencil on his forehead, “a self-identity piece talking about how I felt like, not-white around my family n’stuff. And then felt not-Asian at the same time, s’complicated but I think I can make it work.” 

“Deep,” you pat his shoulder caringly, knowing that Big Hit is a good outlet for these kinds of subjects, “alright City Slicker, since you’re so full of ideas then tell me what to write about.” 

Vernon sits up straight, regarding you with narrowed eyes, “Aren’t you gonna write about your little love triangle with Jisoo and Jungkook?” and it seems like he’s already storyboarded the idea in his head, gesturing to the air as if he’s writing down a timeline, “I can see the headline now: How to Steal a Heart,” he’s grinning, nodding fervently as you cross your arms in distaste. 

“Vern, are you suggesting that I exploit Jisoo and Jungkook’s personal lives?” while the journalism business didn’t pride itself on sincerity, it did feel wrong to drag in your personal life to that extent. 

“Babe, you don’t understand. You have the perfect slice of life story. Everyone’s writing about expensive vacations and that one time they got cross-faded and ended up in Busan,” he squeezes your hand, “but your story, it’s relatable. It’s romantic. It’s angsty. It has closure. No one’s gonna be able to relate to an impulse spending on daddy’s money to Aruba. But first loves? Unrequited romance and all that ish? Everyone can speak to that. And you’re a beautiful writer, they’ll eat up that story like honey.” 

“I don’t know, it still doesn’t feel right.” 

“Change up the names, twist the story,” he offers easily, knowing you’d put up a fight, “besides, it’s not like you’re planning on talking to Jisoo or Jungkook ever again,” you open your mouth to retort, but Vernon’s phone beeps to the Star Wars theme song and he’s flying out of his chair. “Shoot, gotta go help Joon upstairs. Just think about it, okay? Good luck!” and he’s kicking his chair out with a brown loafer, leaving you with breathing room in your cubicle. 

Five seconds later Vernon is jogging back, pointing a finger at you, “And if you do choose to write it, you have to add that Jisoo copped your McDonalds gift card. Like, who does that shit? Couldn’t she have just given it to you and say it was from her and not Jungkook? Seriously fucked up.” 

For the next ten or so minutes you mull. Out of all the memorable college events you’ve participated in, the largest one by far is your (now defunct and debatable) friendship with Jisoo, and your (un)requited love for Jungkook. Reluctantly, you must admit Vernon has a sharp idea, busting in like a hero and offering you the most writable piece on a silver platter. 

It doesn’t feel morally right just to start writing, because ultimately you can’t feel comfortable until you get the consent of Jungkook. While you don’t want to touch Jisoo with a ten-meter pole, you do want to start talking to Jungkook again now that the waters have calmed.

Your life has moved gracefully up until this point, and you’d like to start being friends with him again. Decision made, you pull out your phone and make an important call.

“Hey Yoongi,” you say nervously. Min Yoongi is Kim Namjoon’s equivalent, Jungkook’s Wusband and former upperclassmen in college. 

Said man hums noncommittally on the other line, “Whaddya want, it’s been awhile.” 

You stifle a giggle at his apathetic attitude, knowing he’s someone who wastes no time in getting straight to the point. “I just wanna make sure Jungkook’s address is still the same? I know it’s been a couple months, but I need to send him something and I wanna make sure it gets to him ASAP because—”

“Because last time something was sent, your crazy roommate intervened and Jungkook ended up in a two-year half-toxic relationship? Yeah, let’s make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

“Yoongi,” you say slowly, “where are you?” 

“Working in the studio,” he tuts, “Jungkook says hi, by the way.” 

Typical, cat’s out of the bag. With a roll of our eyes you reply, “Thanks for outing me, Yoongi. Talk to you later.” 

“And y/n? Jungkook says he’s waiting.” 

With a stupid smile slapped onto your face, you hang up the phone and pull out your stationary kit from under your desk. You pluck out a vermillion red envelope, a color so bold and begging to be seen, you know it can’t possibly get lost in transit. Feeling a little bit like a high schooler as you pull out a glitter jelly pen, you get to writing. 

Hey Pretty Boy...

Jungkook and Jisoo are no longer together, evidently. 

Their social media runs in different directions, with Jisoo sporting absolute elegance in her work at her family-owned boutique. Her posts are full of shiny outfits and soulless gazes, betraying any pinch of emotion she may have felt over these past few months. Her profile is wiped of any personal posts, all traces of you and Jungkook evaporated from her page. You must admit that she looks good, like a real fashion mogul, but only at the surface level. 

Conversely, Jungkook is thriving. It’s evident. Normally he isn’t the type of guy to post so frequently, his habits being often sporadic and limited to sweaty gym stories. But whenever you scroll, it’s pictures of him smiling. Big bunny teeth broken into a genuine, full-bellied laugh. Cute selfies of him and his co-workers. You notice two familiar co-workers in those posts, Irene and Seulgi, two beautiful women Jisoo always felt intimidated by whenever she ranted to you. You conclude positively that Jungkook doesn’t feel tethered and can hang out with all the friends he wants, female and male alike. Jungkook looks free, and you’re happy for him. 

It’s another Instagram-worthy moment tonight at McDonalds, where you and Jungkook proposed to meet each other at 12AM. 

This time, the letter makes it to its desired destination. You make sure of that because this time you hand-deliver it, slipping under his apartment door knowing he lives alone and no one would be able to access it except him. 

You’re parked in an obscure corner, but you can see that Jungkook is currently having a great time with his co-workers for an after work meal. Yoongi is unbothered on his phone, while Jimin and Seulgi are taking turns throwing fries into each other’s mouth. Jungkook is squished between them, scrunching his nose cutely as he tries not to get in the fray of their fry-war. 

Your phone pings, and you laugh at what pops up on the screen.

Yoongi: come inside, u loser. 

You: can’t ur friend group makes me nervous stop being so dang cute

You: dw i’ll wait, it’s only 11:50

Instead of replying, Yoongi puts his phone down and resumes eating. In turn you pick a playlist, deciding that “summer time high mix✨✨✨” is a theme you need to subscribe to for the rest of the weekend. 

Busying yourself by sending some texts to Namjoon and checking some emails, you relax in your seat as you let your brain turn to sludge for the weekend. You’re tired, eyes glazing over as you watch Yoongi elbow Jungkook harshly, forcing him to look out the foggy window. 

Jungkook’s eyes light up like it’s Christmas Eve, but instead of Christmas lights it's your car’s lowlights. The graphic designer  pays no mind to his friends as they wish him goodbye and goodluck, throwing on his jacket with a wave. 

The night air whizzes by, Jungkook’s floppy black strands bouncing with each step as he bounds to your car. He throws your door open, bringing in the cold air as he regards you as easily as an old friend would. 

“Hi,” he chirps, placing his tattooed palms by the air vent, “c’mon, let’s order.” 

“You know, you could’ve ordered inside and brought it in here.” 

“Yeah but then it would take longer to get to you,” the cheeky grin that Jungkook throws at you is unmistakable, “c’mon, get out the car and let’s switch.” 

“Huh?” 

“You look tired, you didn’t come back from the office again, did you?” 

“I did tonight,” you say, “I just really wanted to get the soft copy of the article done and—” 

“Out, out!” Jungkook clicks your seatbelt off and he’s coming out of the passenger side, opening your car and pulling you out by the hand, “c’mon, I’ll drive.” 

You shake your head, hiding your smile in your hand as you let Jungkook do what he wants. Normally you’d be insulted that anyone suggests they should drive your car but Jungkook would always drive you around, saying he loved long rides. Above all, if you could trust anyone to drive your car, Jungkook is at the top of the list. 

Buckling in, you bite the inside of your cheek as Jungkook easily pulls out of the parking spot one-handed. His jacket is pulled up to his elbows, exposing his veins as he expertly whirls the wheel in the direction of the drive-thru. Since college he’s always looked very attractive driving.  

Doesn’t mean you have to act like you’re still in college. You tamp those feelings down, knowing that your article probably has you feeling stuck in time. 

“—coming along?” 

“Wha?” 

“I said, how’s the spread coming along?” 

“It’s pretty much done, I think. I’ll send you the hard copy when it’s ready,” you tap your fingers against the dashboard, “but are you sure you’re okay with me writing it? I know I’m using a pseudonym and everything for you two but I still feel weird—” 

“It’s fine, I think it’s a good thing,” and you still squirm in your seat when he flashes you a genuine smile, “I mean, it kinda is a funny story and I think it’s good for both of us. Like closure, y’know? Moving on and—hi, can I get two Oreo McFlurrys and a large fry? Thanks!” he pulls out his wallet to scan the total on the e-reader.  “I mean, didn’t it feel good writing it?”

“Yeah,” you replied honestly, relaxing in your seat, “like, college was fun and all, but when Jisoo kinda ruined all that… after awhile I didn’t think it was ruined after all, y’know? I still made amazing friends and ended up where I wanted to be. I want to show the readers that shit happens, and that’s okay. And if things are really meant to be, they’re meant to be.” 

The summer playlist hums in the background as Jungkook pulls up to the pick-up window. He thanks the worker and hands you the tray, and you make quick work to put the fries in the first cup holder for optimal sharing. He doesn’t park at McDonalds, but instead smoothly pulls out of the restaurant into the direction of his apartment. It isn’t a particularly long drive, but you figure it would be easier for Jungkook to go home first if you’re already parked at his complex. 

“What do you mean by that?” Jungkook parks in the driveway of his apartment, taking his McFlurry from your hands. 

“Mean by what?” 

“If things are really meant to be, they’re meant to be.” 

“Well, we’re here now, right?” 

Jungkook pops his spoon in, swallowing vanilla and a silly smile through his coral pink lips, “We’re here now,” he repeats. 

The night air is cool and your conversation is warm. You promise Jungkook that you’ll send him the final copy of your spread as soon as it’s done, and you two eagerly deviate away from the past and focus on the present. 

You can’t help the eagerness that flows between you, as if you’ve never spent time apart like this and it’s only now that you’re reuniting. It must be absence that makes the heart grow fonder, because you swell with affection and you find Jungkook’s presence sweeter than any kind of ice cream. 

Are you dating now? Maybe. You and Jungkook are going on dates, everything without the title. McFlurry runs, marathons of HGTV’s Design on a Dime, having lunch at each other’s respective buildings with the Wusbands. Whether these dates are exclusive or not is unknown, but you figure the question will present yourself one way or another. 

You’re in a good place right now, potential relationship or not. After all, your priorities are simultaneously positive and in order: family, work, friends, and any potential romantic trysts are at the very bottom. You could kiss the cover of this month’s issue (and trust, you have kissed your own copy multiple times) if it is not for the fact that this specific issue is for Jungkook. 

So, romantic trysts and friends have a tendency to flip-flop on your priority list, but only because it’s Jungkook. 

Unsurprisingly, there’s no guilt knowing that you’re dating your former best friend's ex-boyfriend. 

After a much deserved early work day, Namjoon and the crew arrange a hearty happy-hour filled with good food and enough relaxation to last the weekend. With your combined successes, your team felt like they made the best issue yet. At the heart of it, The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Class of Youth became a reckoning of each other’s young life. Despite the love and the growth that occurred from your college years up until this point, you’re glad to close that chapter and move forward. 

You did not tell Jungkook when the issue would come out, so you think it’ll be a fun surprise for him when he sees it magically show up at his apartment. Bending down you move to slip the issue under his door, one hand pushing it under while one hand braces against the frame to steady your balance. 

Just as the shiny cover glides under the door it swings open, and you fall flat on Jungkook’s feet. 

Being the little shit he is, he simply giggles at the blunder, looking at you with excited eyes. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he says. 

“Creepy as hell, Jeon,” you mutter under your breath, brushing the dirt off your aqua pencil skirt. Looking at him from your spot on the floor and his large height, you grimace. “You look like a middle-aged serial killer looking outside your peephole.” 

“Now, we know that’s not true.” he finally offers his hand, easily pulling you up to your feet. You follow him into his kitchen, where he’s cutting up fresh fruit. He throws your issue on the counter, gentle enough so it doesn’t slide off the granite. He gestures to himself with both hands, “me, a dashingly handsome late twenty-something in Nike sweats who can bench-press two of you? Totally not a middle-aged serial killer.” 

“It’s in the eyes,” you chastise, “you look crazy.” 

“Maybe I’m just crazy excited to see you,” he says with a cheeky grin. 

You try your best not to choke on your spit at the cheeseball comment, throwing a blackberry in your mouth. Savoring the burst of tart flavor that fills your mouth, you wait for Jungkook to plate the fruit before meeting him on the couch. He’s holding a prettily arranged plate of berries, bananas, and mango with a huge dollop of whipped cream in the middle. In his other hand is Big Hit’s magazine. 

Throwing your blazer on the couch’s arm you don’t hesitate to cuddle up next to him, eagerly waiting for him to read your spread. 

The cover gazes back at the two of you like a reflection. The entirety of the staff is posed on the cover, made to look like a class photo. Some of you are holding balloons in your respective school colors, many of you grouping up with whoever happened to go to college together. You and Vernon are wearing matching university sweaters with silly grins on your faces. In the middle of the issue is the editor-in-chief, Victoria Song holding a placard that reads: Class of Youth. 

Jungkook spares you a glance from the corner of his eye, your head naturally tucked into his shoulder. With an exaggerated sigh, he fiddles through the glossy pages, “Hmm, which one should I read first?” 

“Of course you’ll read mine first,” you pout. 

“Ah, Namjoon’s looks really fun. Or Vernon’s? New York looks pretty cool,” he flips to a random page, “wait, Yerin’s spread is a Korean cookbook! I definitely want to make some tuna rice...”  

“Jungkook,” you whine, “read mine.” 

“I don’t know,” he taps his finger on his lip, “I mean, I pretty much know your spread because I’m already in it. It would be kind of redundant to read it.” 

“Kook, you’re being mean,” you glower, rubbing your cheek against his soft sweater. He’s just so damn comfy. 

“I’m kidding,” he tugs at your cheek, “where’s the table of contents, first page?”

“I’m on page eighty-three.” 

You speed up the process like an impatient child, leaning over to brush the pages to the desired spread. You even dog-earred it, a habit that drives Jungkook crazy as he immediately fiddles to iron out the crease. 

“Are you gonna read it to me too, mom?” he teases. 

“Okay fine! I’ll be quiet, but don’t take too long.” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

Eyes fluttering, you let Jungkook take his time to absorb your piece. A roommate by any other (rude) name: the lost letter. A cheesy, gimmicky title that Victoria insisted upon that you had no choice but relent to. The rest of the spread thankfully has a very authentic edge to it, your story laced with photos of you and Jungkook, your internship with Vernon, and most importantly, a scan of the lavender letter that got left in the past. 

Jungkook’s not silent through his read-through, either. He laughs at all the right parts, fueling your ego as his smile grows at your favorite lines. While he doesn’t directly engage in conversation, his positive energy is enough for you to make you feel like you’ve done your job right. It’s one thing to write about unknown celebrities and unnamed artists, but for people like Jungkook, the validation is personal. 

“It’s beautiful,” Jungkook says when he’s read it thrice through, running his thumb over a picture of you. “Really organic. Really, real.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he chuckles, having run out of adverbs. “It’s funny, too. I liked your little internal monologue. I wish I knew how you felt back then.” 

“I wish you did, too.” 

You’re quietly munching on a strawberry, looking over a polaroid Jungkook took. It was  sometime in the beginning of senior year, where you’ve fallen asleep on his mattress, drool drying on your mouth. Normally you’d be opposed to having such unflattering, grainy pictures amongst your writing, but it encapsulates the youth you’ve tried so hard to chase away. 

“How do you feel?” Jungkook says, switching out the magazine for the plate of fruit, placing it on his side. 

“Feel great, actually,” you muse, smiling to yourself. By no means are you a hero writing some grand gesture in an entertainment magazine, but you feel like you’ve saved yourself. You’ve savored your youth in four thousand words, cutting out the poison and keeping the moment as sweet as it can be. 

“I’m proud of you,” he reaches to ruffle your hair, and you don’t even get mad when it tousles out of your pinned style. 

Reveling in the attention, you simply close your eyes and feed yourself a handful of blueberries. 

“Love that I make money, but I definitely miss college from time to time,” Jungkook stretches, jostling you out of your comfortable position. “Like I remember Taehyung and I would take turns bringing backpacks to the dining hall so we could stuff fruit in it for later.”

“Yeah, but as much as I loved college I wouldn’t go back,” you nod to yourself, “I’m happy where I am now.” 

“What about when we stayed up for midnight breakfast? The dining hall was filled to the brim with food. Remember when I tried to eat a whole stack of pancakes?” 

“Jungkook…” 

“Or when our classes got cancelled and we went to Lotte World? You ate way too much funnel cake and I had to carry you to the car!” 

“Jungkook—” 

“And that one time we snuck out to the music hall’s rooftop?” words gush out of Jungkook’s mouth like a waterfall, unable to relent, “that’s when I realized I liked you. I liked you so much, I tried to tell you that night but choked—”

“Jungkook!” and he immediately zips up, frowning. You straighten up, on your knees as you reach over to run your hands through his onyx tresses, moving the styled strands to the back of his pierced ears, “Jungkook,” you repeat softly, “I’ve heard all these stories, I was there for most of them. As much as I love the past… can we talk about something else?” you give him a small, tentative smile to show him you’re not mad, but a little uncomfortable at his reminiscing. 

He leans into your touch, pressing your palm against the soft swell of his warm cheek. “Okay,” he agrees, resting one hand on your thigh. 

You’re roped in his gaze, and you have to force yourself to breathe when Jungkook moves closer to you. He hooks a leg behind his back, and another across his lap. A cool breeze kisses your inner thighs when your skirt exposes your cotton underwear. You should be embarrassed but instead you’re fixated, unable to understand what he’s trying to accomplish. 

“Then I’m gonna talk about the future,” Jungkook traps you between the couch, his thumb running hot circles to where your skirt has hiked up. It exposes a slip of the thigh that Jungkook has seen a million times. He’s seen you walking around your apartment in a large shirt, ridden up to your boyshorts. It’s different now, you feel exposed and tingly, thrumming with excitement. “I like you, obviously anticipated news and old news. I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to go on dates with you, re-watch Avatar, grumble when I force you to come to the gym with me,” he bumps noses with you when you scrunch yours, “I wanna be with you. Heck, I’ve even cleared space in my spare room so you’d have closet space for all your fancy designer suits if you ever need it.”

“You cleared space?” you manage to choke out. Visions of a shared apartment roll through your brain. Cooking meals together, having two toothbrushes side by side, and waking up to his face. 

“Of course I did. Do you know how financially attractive you are?” he says lightheartedly, “you’re a sexy working woman and it’s crazy to imagine you’d want to settle for me and my little apartment. But I have to try now because if I don’t, it’ll be too late.” 

“That’s not true,” you retort, “you’re not someone I’d settle for. I want you, and no one else.” 

He chuckles, running a thumb over your cheek. “Then what are we waiting for? Your key’s hiding under the mat.” 

“Jungkook…” on the tip of your tongue lays the words you’re going too fast but it doesn’t make its way to the air. 

“But do you really think it’s too fast?” he reads your face clearly, “these feelings never went anywhere. They were locked away, sure. And I loved her,” he can’t even say the name, not when you’re warm and flush against him, “but I loved our friendship more.”

“I… I don’t know what to say,” you breathe, letting the cogs in your brain roll until sparks develop. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” he concedes, “I just wanted to let you know. Could’ve done the letter thing all over again and let the past repeat itself. I know Namjoon wouldn’t hide a love letter for two years, but if I left another damn letter he’d definitely make a copy and tease me about it.” 

You snort, pressing your forehead to his. You’re practically buried in the couch now, tingly and vibrating with happiness. “And I’m not going to leave you hanging. I do want to say something,” and he looks at you expectantly, licking the leftover berry juice on his lips, nearly making you miss your train of thought, “I like you too,” you say, the other L-word is also applicable, but you feel like that phrase is reserved for another time, “I want to show you off on work vacations, bring you along as my date and show them you’re my muse,” you confess, “I wanna play video games with you ‘till 2AM, and eat ice cream in the comfort of our apartment instead of our cars because we’re too stubborn to admit we don’t wanna go home without each other.” 

Jungkook absolutely preens at the affection, sending you a heart melting smile that has your stomach doing backflips.

“Jungkook, I want to fall in love with you again.” 

Your squeal of surprise is swallowed by Jungkook’s lips, tasting of mangoes and berries as strong hands cup your backside, easily lifting you onto his lap. You plop under his strong thighs, feeling them flex against yours. The both of you are pouring in this kiss, raining with promises and hopes for a future with each other. His taste is concentrated, and you can feel the devotion practically injected in his embrace. 

When he pulls away his lips are cherry-red and shiny, looking up at you through clear coffee eyes. “This isn’t a dream, right?” he looks at you up and down, unable to decipher fact from fiction, “because I distinctly remember two wet dreams that involve you looking like this.” 

Looking down, you heat at the disarray you’re in. Hair wild and parted in different wavelengths, tired of the day’s efforts. Your slightly sheer dress-shirt is rumpled, the lace collar opened with two popped buttons revealing your cleavage, and your skirt is stretched so tight that it’s ruched all the way up your thighs. Sprawled across Jungkook’s lap, you’re dangerously close to something long and hard. 

Emboldened, you clutch at Jungkook’s collar, pulling him closer. 

“Show me what happens in your dream,” you whisper into his ear, barely brushing your clothed core against his crotch, “maybe we can make it come true tonight.” 

You can’t see his face, but you feel something dark and sensual overtake him. The grip on your ass tightens, a delicious pain that has you pressing your breasts against him and nipping on his ear, your tongue darting sensually through the cold silver hoops that dart through his skin. 

Within seconds, he rips you away from his neck and demands, “Open.” 

Dazed, you barely get a centimeter of your mouth open when Jungkook presses something cold and sugary against your lips. Whipped cream. You manage to take a small bite of the tart strawberry that he holds by the viridian stem, rolling the flavor between your mouth as Jungkook paints the leftover whipped cream over your lips. Once he’s satisfied he then creates a white trail that leads to your cleavage. 

Better than any dream, his eyes drink you in like the last glass of water in a desert. Your lips are swollen and parted like a baby kitten, covered in the creamy confection. “So pretty,” he exhales, his hot tongue licking from your cleavage to your lips, swallowing the flavor of you and strawberry juice, “such a pretty girl you are, and all mine.” 

“Yours,” you submit easily, rolling your hips against his. 

At that moment you think you’re meant to fall in love this way. You can’t imagine the shy, fumbly Jungkook and your equally confused self waltzing around a relationship when you barely had your lives together. The two of you still had growing to do. The wait is certainly worth it, because as you feel his arms tighten around you, you’re sure this love will stay strong.

It’s difficult for you to find a rhythm at first, what with Jungkook’s strength and need to be satiated, both of you are sloppy but the friction is nothing less than delicious. Your finger reaches over to swipe at the leftover cream on the plate, and you press your finger to Jungkook’s mouth, and he immediately complies. A dollop of sweet cream leaks out of his lips and your panties dampen further when you feel his tongue lick you clean, imagaining how good it would feel if it was your pussy he was licking. 

Your mouth waters at the feeling of his dick lining up against your core, as sticky as the strawberry juice that clings to your bodies. 

“C-can I make a confession? I—oh, Jungkook…” your mind is all fuzzed up when he snaps his hips against yours, causing you to shamelessly bounce on his length. 

“Yeah?” 

“I… I like it when you use all your strength like that,” his hips slow as your words sink in, but you don’t mind as it gives you time to make a long drag along the entirety of his member. “Everytime you pull me up when I trip, or you come back from a workout, I like it when you carry me around like I weigh nothing.” 

“Do—do you think about it a lot?” he grunts, and you stifle a moan when he does a slow, hard drag against your wet folds. “Tell the truth.” 

“It’s, it’s embarrassing,” you whimper, unable to think straight with the amount of stimuli you’re receiving.  

“Please, baby.” 

“Yes mm—oh! I do,” you try to get the words out as quickly as you can. He stops moving, and you groan in frustration so you just lay it all out on the table. “I, I love it when you hold me in your strong arms. And, ah, uh w-henever you come back from the gym you just look so sexy fresh from the shower. Sometimes I think about how you’re too damn nice for your own good but I bet you’d be so rough in bed.” 

“Really?” and then he’s shoving you onto the couch, air brushing against your bare thighs as your back hits the beige throw pillows. He’s hovering, dark eyes starting from the tip of your toes to your damp lips. “You like it when I manhandle you? Throw you around like a little doll?” 

“All that strength, and for what?” you try to keep your snappy remarks in check, but it’s hard when he’s pressing his straining dick against your thigh, weeping and needy. 

“You’re not gonna be joking about my strength anytime soon, baby,” emblazoned, he easily throws your leg over his shoulder, pushing your panties to the side to let your wetness leak out and onto his fingers, “are you gonna complain or be a good girl?” 

“Yes, I’m ah—” you wince when he inserts a finger, “I’ll be good for you,” 

“My good girl,” he revels in the way you melt under his touch, your previous sarcasm quickly dissolving into a puddle. You always had an inkling that Jungkook would be a sneaky fox in bed, all that muscle hidden behind a kind smile and a penchant for tea with milk and honey. 

Jungkook slips in another finger, stretching you and preparing you for what’s to come. He’s scissoring you at a sensible pace that has you squirming and wanting more. To prevent you from shimmying off the couch he holds you down with his free hand, and you love the way he practically feeds you to the couch, hands dancing over your neck as he shoves you further into the furniture. 

“You look so gorgeous,” he says, causing you to moan and keen at his attention, “you’re such a strong, gorgeous woman. Having you sprawled out like this, ready to do whatever I want to you is so fucking hot.” 

“I’m—I’m only weak for you Jungkook,” you say honestly, tears pricking when he dips another finger. The stretch burns deliciously, and your folds eagerly swallow him up until you’re filled to the brim. Your fingers or toys cannot compare to flesh, and you sigh in relief when you see his inked fingers pick up the pace once more. 

“You’re damn right,” Jungkook husks, and with a grain of love he murmurs in your ear, “I’m only weak for you, too.” 

And that’s when he snaps, thumb rolling against your bud as he slams his other fingers against you, going at a brutal pace. You cry out, not caring whether his neighbors hear as he pulls you back and forth through pleasure and pain. 

“T-too much, Kookie,” you mewl, your hand warbling to find his, “I, ah, ‘m gonna cum!” 

“That’s the plan,” he only goes faster, stretching your band further and further before your desired high is reached. His hand trails up to force your chin straight, looking up at him, “let go for me, baby. Wanna feel your pussy clench around my fingers.” 

In seconds, you gush. It has you in a slight panic, drunk on endorphins as you try to lift your head up but Jungkook’s hand is firmly pressing you on your shoulder as he fingers you efficiently through your high, the wet squelching sounds only increasing with your cries. His lap is drenched in your arousal, along with his chin and lips glistening with your essence. 

He finally releases you when you’re practically shaking, his hands sticky and creamy. You moan when he shamelessly licks them within your view, making sure to wrap his tongue around his ink-stained digits. 

“I,” your mouth is dry when you feel the dampness that hits your bottom, “I’ve never, I don’t remember ever—” 

Your babbles are lost between your throat and Jungkook’s tongue, shoved deep into your mouth. Tasting your arousal has you practically vibrating in your place, as you two rut against each other like hungry bunnies. 

“God, you’re amazing,” he says between pecks, kissing away your face of any tears you may have pricked, “Amazing, adorable, absolutely beautifulIadoreyousoso—” 

“Pleasepleaseplease,” you press your hips up, wiggling for more attention, “please fuck me, Jungkook.” 

You can’t help the witchy, satisfied smile when Jungkook’s eyes darken to a thick coal, “Anything for you,” he murmurs, swinging your legs between his arms as he lifts you like a feather. 

On his lap again, you soon accept that the way you two mesh like puzzle pieces is one of your favorite positions as it gives you both equal space to ravish each other. 

Just when your hand trails to the waistband of his boxer briefs and you’re rolling your thumb over its collected moisture, the moment is shattered when the doorbell rings. You jump in his arms, unprepared for your moment to be interrupted. 

He groans into the crown of your hair, and you soften in his relaxed hold, “I ordered us pizza,” he nearly forgot. 

Perking your head up to look at him you regard him innocently, as if you didn’t release a waterfall on his sweats two seconds ago. “You got us pizza?” 

“I knew you’d be coming over tonight,” he’s pouting into your neck, regretting ever having called the pizza guy if he knew this would happen, “Victoria posted the publish date on Twitter. I just didn’t think,” he gestures vaguely to the mess on his pants, “this would happen.”  

“Damn, and here I thought I was being sneaky,” you chuckle, flicking his ear playfully. 

He gives you an uncharacteristically subby whine, shamelessly upset he has to let you go so fast after he’s given you your first of many highs. Before he weakens further under your beauty, he unceremoniously shoves you off. “Sorry, pretty girl,” you melt at the easy way his pet name rolls off his lips, “can you wait in my room for a bit so I can pay the delivery guy? I don’t want them to see you like this.” 

“But I want to eat pizza,” you declare stubbornly, standing up to button your blouse and pull down your skirt. 

Before you could fasten one button or pull down one centimeter, his hand darts out to snatch your wrist away from your body. It doesn’t hurt much, but it causes your body to heat in more places than one. He’s sexy like this, demanding your attention. “No,” he rumbles definitively, “my room. Now.” 

“Why?” you throw your hands in the air, yelping when he slaps your ass. He makes sure to make it sting, cupping you fully. 

“Because,” he says firmly, “you don’t get to eat until I eat,” you whimper when his hand reaches to cup your sex, panties wet and cold without his warmth as he pushes you in the direction of his bedroom. 

Oh, you can’t wait for both of you to eat tonight. 

some time later.

“Ohmygod the view is beautiful!” Krystal, who works in advertisement, squeals. “No filter needed!” 

“Alright alright, make room Princess,” Namjoon teases. With a bump to Krystal’s tiny hips Namjoon shoves you two across the pavilion, putting his arm around you once he finds the perfect angle, “Umji, can you get a pic of me and my Work Wife? I want this on the Big Hit Instagram!” 

You hold your straw sunhat down from the salty wind, smiling beautifully as Umji takes multiple pictures of you and Namjoon from her Nikon. Another successful year under your notch, ending with a successful work retreat. 

“Namjoon, can I take a picture with my actual wife now?” 

“We’re not married, Jungkook,” you chastise, patting the chest of Namjoon’s floral printed Hawaiian shirt so he can switch. Instantly, Jungkook slides up next to you like a picture perfect stock model piece, and you wrap your arms around his trim waist, “we’re not even engaged.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he pouts, looking over the pavilion and adjusting the both of you so there’s a good amount of you and the resort in the background. The sun may be scathingly hot, but it looks beautiful perched over the crystal clear waters. “Namjoon, you got it easy,” Jungkook says when he hands him your phone, “every angle is our good angle, so you can’t mess it up.” 

Being the honest man he is, Namjoon knows better and doesn’t say anything to that. Instead he shoots down whatever pineapple-flavored concoction is offered to him on a silver platter, and starts shooting. 

“Is this swimsuit new?” Jungkook murmurs into your ear between shots, flicking your little red number by the strap connecting the back, “because I didn’t see this in the luggage.” 

You smile big, pearly whites as Namjoon demands to pop out your butt and work it, pressing your body closer to Jungkook’s. “Tiny enough so I could hide it in my purse,” you reply proudly, voice low for only each other’s ears, “why, surprised?” 

“Definitely not prepared,” his fingers dig deliciously in your bare flesh, “would Victoria fire you if she catches us doing it in the cabana?” 

Amused that your boyfriend now shares your combined awe and fear of your boss, you twist his nipple lightly. He yelps, and from Namjoon’s guaff he’s definitely got that on camera. “We didn’t come to Boracay to fuck in the cabana.��� 

“Then the hotel room?” 

Namjoon hands you back your phone when he considers his job done, letting you and Jungkook have some alone time. You wave your phone in his face, trying to get him to focus on the task at hand. You wanted to post some cute pictures of you and your boyfriend, one to impress the family back home and the Big Hit interns back in Seoul who are absolutely pining for your position. 

“Jungkook, they have the water ski thing where you can flip in the water mid air! Doesn’t that sound fun? Or we can go scuba diving, have Filipino food, or get massages. LIterally, we’re on Big Hit’s dime, and the first thing you want to do is go back to the room?” 

“Yes,” he pouts petulantly, leaning into the hollow of your ear and whispering, “got a chub on.” 

Discreetly so, your hands brush against his navy trunks and you note yes, he’s half hard. “No!” you shake your head definitively, pushing him out of your arms. You’re not letting sex get in the way of your hard-earned vacation, you’re on company dime and you intend to milk every peso of it. “Namjoon, take him away!” 

You blow him a kiss and follow another group who’s decided to go eat, watching your boyfriend get dragged away by Namjoon’s long arms. Krystal, who’s been mildly watching the whole ordeal in-between taking selfies, looks at you in awe, “You got it good, bosslady,” she says, and you happily link arms with her in the direction of the restaurants. 

You and Jungkook definitely have it good. You don’t see him until dinnertime, looking utterly relaxed as he sips on a mango-muddled concoction. He must’ve gotten a couples massage with Namjoon, cute. Splitting up was definitely a good idea, by the time your meal arrives the two of you are practically leaning against each other, telling each other what events you need to do tomorrow and events you think will be fun to do together. 

“Joon,” Jungkook is throwing an arm over your Wusband’s shoulder, mildly tipsy. The image is adorable, as Jungkook long ago previously confessed that he felt a little jealous of Namjoon’s work relationship with you before you were dating. Now, it feels like they’re best friends and you’re third-wheeling. “What do you think about having halo-halo tomorrow? It’s like bingsu but with a bunch of other good stuffs. There’s red bean, mango, ube, ice cream…” 

Just as Jungkook begins his tirade of dessert ingredients, you pull up your phone to check on your social media. You smile back at your profile, seeing your latest Instagram post at the very top of the feed. Not to flex, but the two of you look pretty smokin’ since you’ve been keeping up with Jungkook’s insistence to join him at the gym. Jungkook and you are leaning against the pristine veranda, overlooking the clear blue water and a cloudless sky. The smiles you two sport are genuine and utterly in love. 

You scroll down the comments, most of them filled with sweet messages but one of them has you doing a double take. 

@sooyaaa__: 😒😒😒 knew something was goin on behind my back… good riddance

The smell of Jungkook’s detergent overtakes your nostrils, and you turn to him. He’s stopped talking, now immersed in whatever’s going on in your phone. 

“The nerve of her,” Jungkook scrunches his nose, disgusted at her latest comment. “As if anyone would believe her.” 

“Yeah,” you echo, “I feel bad for her, though. She’s probably lonely.” 

“Her loss, she put this upon herself. Not us.” 

You pout, “I know, but she was my friend at one point.” 

He frowns, putting an arm behind your backrest. It would be easy for him to say yeah, and she was my girlfriend and one-up you, leaving it at that. But now he knows better, and that friendship is a much better value than an ill-fated relationship. “Sorry baby,” it’s not his fault, but he sees your disappointment in putting out hope for an old friend. He gives you a little smooch on your temple, “do you miss her?” 

“The old her, yeah,” you sigh, clicking on her profile, “but now? I can do without her negativity.” 

“Okay,” he takes your phone from your hand, “have you ever blocked a person before?”

“No.”

“Well, today’s the day,” he says it so coolly, you barely have time to think when he clicks the ‘block’ button on Jisoo’s profile, then clicking off his phone to put in his pocket. “No more phone for today,” he proceeds to take your plate that was recently served, taking the time to cut your large vegetables into smaller portions. “Like you said, we shouldn’t waste your vacation time.” 

Your heart swells with butterflies for Jeon Jungkook, who’s meticulously cutting your food and telling you to relax and stop dwelling on the past. He’s right, if Jisoo’s not going to stick around for the future and continue to cause negativity in your life, why not keep the positives in the past while it lasted? 

“You know I love you, right?” 

He ceases cutting, and looks at you to pop a sweet potato in his mouth. “Love me enough to do it in the cabana?” 

He’s still on that? “Jungkook,” you warn, pretending to get up, “forget I said anything. I’m gonna go karaoke with Umji.” 

“Kiddingggg,” he whines, pulling you back down with an outstretched hand, “you know I love you too.” 

“You’re terrible.” 

“Only this way because I’d know you’d totally be into cabana sex if we were vacationing by ourselves.” 

“Yes, but you’re still terrible,” you giggle when Jungkook steals a kiss, just as easy as he’s stolen your heart.  

[nadisabug]

Anything You Want

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x reader

Warnings: reader is kinda depressed, idk she convinces herself that no one (Kei) could like her, so warning for that, no spoilers though, ooc Tsukki, I am so sorry this was a one am fever dream im sor-

Summary: As old childhood friends of Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, it doesn’t make sense why Tsukishima and you fight so much.

A/N: Ahh I’m so sorry I woke up out of a cold sweat to write this whole thing in one sitting at one am im just 💛love💙 him!! Also!!! I hit 150 followers!! So excited!!! I love you all so much!! Thank you!!!!! (ps requests are open pls send some in)

Haikyuu!! Masterlist

"Kiss me Kei!"

"What? Tch, no that's gross."

"But I'm the mommy!"

"So?"

"You're the daddy! You gotta!"

"I don't even wanna play this dumb game."

"It's not dumb! Pleeaaasseee Kei-chan! For me?"

"Fine, come here."

The slap of the ball hitting the gym floor startled me out of my daydream. My eyes snapped up quickly to the game before me. Did we score? It took me a minute to even register what was going on and who I was looking at. I looked to the referee on his stepladder, waiting for him to call the point.

The whistle blew. He raised his arm. Boys in black and orange jerseys shouted. I clapped and cheered.

It all felt so robotic. But then I looked at him. Then the world shifted into slow motion and began to flow more naturally.

He raised his arm to wipe the sweat off of his brow, the movement mesmerizing. Even the jerk of his body when a teammate patted him on the back seemed graceful. Elegant. He pushed his glasses up a bit and glared at the offender. He turned to say-

"Y/n?" Once again I was startled from my thoughts. My head snapped to the right side where Yachi was standing next to me. She had a concerned look on her face. I swallowed, my dry mouth only producing a lump in my throat. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," I responded quickly and looked back to the game. "Just focusing is all." This time I fought not to look at the boy. I didn't want to look at him anyway. I didn't. I didn't.

Finding my eyes drifting back to him, I launched into conversation to pull my mind from him.

"How's the girls team going?"

I was on the girls volleyball team as a first year. I only made the team because I was the only libero and, being honest, I was the best at receiving. I was abnormally short, so I knew I couldn't pull off many other positions.

Well, maybe I could.

I watched as the short, orange haired boy flew across the court and landed an impossible to receive spike. I still wasn't used to that combo no matter how many games I watched. Then again, I only had reflexes, not the raw power that that boy had.

I sighed and tore my eyes from the game to look at Yachi. I slumped onto the railing a plopped my head in my hands. "We need more practice games, honestly. The way we're going we're not going to win our match."

"Don't say that Y/n!" Yachi cried.

I shrugged and looked back at the game. My eyes found blonde hair naturally. "Its true. The girls don't practice enough. I think getting our asses completely handed to us will turn the team around. I just feel bad for the third years who will suffer from it."

Yachi didn't have a response to that. She changed the subject quickly and we chatted until the game ended, the whole time I focused on the freakish number ten instead of the boy I knew deep down in my heart I really wanted to watch.

"Nice net drop, broccoli brain," I smirked and clapped my best friend on the shoulder.

His shoulders slumped and he sighed. "I didn't even mean to do it," he bereaved.

"Fucking who cares?" I snorted. "Got us a fat point and they never saw it coming. Just remember how it felt and do it again."

"Y/n," Yama whined and tried to shake me off.

"Y/n giving you crap again?" A rich voice came from behind me, sending shivers down my spine. "That's rich coming from Pipsqueak."

"Says Mr-cant-block-for-shit," I shot back, turning around so that I could stick my tongue out at him.

"I'd like to see you try to pick up a real serve, not that-"

"Hey, hey, cut it out!" Yama stepped in between us, putting a warning hand on us both. "We're all friends."

I glared at Tsukishima but backed down. I didn't want to upset Yamaguchi. I knew how much he hated it when we fought, seeing as it was his two best friends.

I had known Yama since elementary school, when I saved him from some bullies. One day when we were clearly out matched, Tsukishima saved us in his aloof, roundabout way. From then on we were inseparable.

That is until the second year of middle school when Tsukishima and I started fighting all the time. Despite that, we still hung out together. Who knows why he put up with my constant antagonism, but he always reciprocated and never complained.

We got on the bus soon after the game, headed to the school. I was on the girls bus, them on the boys. When we got back to the school we met up again.

When we came to the usual splitting point, Yama spoke up.

"So I'll walk Y/n home," Yama offered like always. I was about to accept when Tsukishima spoke up.

"Nah, I'll do it." Yama cocked an eyebrow. "It's out of your way, Yamaguchi. She lives closer to me."

We all knew this, but the point had never come up before.

"Okay," Yama said warily. "Are you sure you don't want me to come anyways?"

"Tch, we're fine, I don't need a babysitter." Tsukishima rolled his eyes.

"Okay," Yama shrugged. He took a few steps backwards before he said goodbye and started off in the opposite direction.

Tsukishima wordlessly took off in the direction of our houses, so I followed. I was wondering why he suddenly offered to walk me home, but he offered no clues as to why. He used to walk me home before we always fought, but after that he stopped. This was the first time he walked me home in years.

So we walked in complete silence.

When we reached my house, we stood there awkwardly for a moment, looking at it. I wasn't sure what to say, but before I could figure it out, he spoke.

"Why do you hate me?"

I was startled by both the question and the sudden shattering of silence. I turned to look at Tsukishima. He wasn't looking at me, just straight ahead. I tried to read his facial expression, but like always, it was stone cold.

"I don't?" I answered uneasily.

Tsukishima sighed. "Yes you do, you always act so pissy towards me. You even tense up when I'm near."

"I do not," I frowned. I tried to think if I have ever done anything like that, but I drew blank.

"Yes you do," Tsukishima sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. "We..." He paused. He brought he other hand up and rubbed his eyes, pressing his two fingers into his eye sockets. After a moment he threw his hand down, clearly having made up his mind, and turned to look at me. I felt hot under his intent gaze, his eyes searching mine for an answer I was afraid I didn't have. "We used to be close when we were little. What changed."

It wasn't a question. It was more of a statement. It was like he meant to say something different.

So I said it for him.

"We changed."

He scoffed, his face twisting into his signature cynical look. "Bullshit."

"No, that's the answer. Maybe you're not asking the right question," I shot back, confidence fueled by his venom.

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it soon after. His brows furrowed and his lips pressed together. It was more emotion than he was exhibiting earlier, and for some weird reason, it made something in me happy.

"Why are you so mad at me?" He finally asked, face relaxing a bit. He seemed genuinely curious as to the answer.

His sincerity almost made me explode with anger. How could he not know? He was the most insufferable person in the entire world, what wouldn't I be mad about.

But then again, that was wrong. He never mad me mad with his snide comments and dirty looks. It was all in play and it never really bothered me, ever since we were kids, and he knew that too. So I couldn't lie and say it was his personality because I loved his personality. It was something else. Something I was afraid of admitting.

I grit my teeth. What did it matter if I said it or not? It's not like he'd understand anyway.

Once I made up my mind I met his eyes.

"Because you will never give me what I want."

"And what is that?" His voice was soft, wispy, breathless. Afraid.

Your love.

I couldn't say it. Bile rose in my throat and tears prickled at my eyes. I opened my mouth but quickly shut it. I wouldn't say it. I was too afraid.  My eyes fell to the ground, and with them, all my confidence.

All at once my mind began to barrage me. He will never love you, he could never love someone like you. He-

He laughed.

He fucking laughed.

My mind was thrown to a complete and total standstill by the absurdity of it. I looked back up at him with watery eyes in confusion.

"I thought you were smarter than that," he grinned, one corner of his mouth charmingly quirked upwards. "Than to decide what I think."

"What?" I mumbled nearly incoherently.

"We both know if you ask I'll do anything for you, so quit your crying, Pipsqueak."

I opened my mouth, completely surprised by his confession. He'd do anything for me? That couldn't be right...

But the more I thought about it the more I realized it was true. He had always done everything for me. Whenever I needed him he was there. It was me that started the fighting, all because I let my mind tell me that he could never love me, that he never would.

I met his eyes once again, this time brimming with happiness.

"Kiss me, Kei."

"Fine," he dramatically sighed, hiding a small grin. "Come here."

And he did.

Taglist:

Taglists are open! Shoot me an ask or a dm with what fandom you want to be tagged in and I’ll do it right away! :)

[khaleesiofalicante]

OK I GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT WHICH IS PRETTY OK IG (I did stay up to read the fic-) BOTH MY TESTS WENT LIKE SHIT, I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK IN PROGRAMMING CLASS BECAUSE BY TEACHER IS A LITTLE SHIT WHO KEPT ON YELLING AT ME WHEN I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING AND I SPENT LUNCH ALONE BUT AT LEAST NOW IM ALONE WITH MY LAPTOP SO YAYAYAYYA

first of all, this chapter right here is my comfort chapter from now on. i said what i said. I will be rereading it again and again just because i can. it was PERFECTION

here's me going crazy at 2 am yesterday.

MAGNUS' CHAPTER

LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO

AHHHHHHH IT'S THEIR ANNIVERSARY

SCREAM

oh

alec shaved his beard because it made him look older

RAFAEL WAS SO UPSET AFTER THE MEXICO ATTACK BECAUSE OF ANJALI RIGHT??

magnus and alec are the oblivious parents istg

“Are you decent?” Max yelled. “I don’t want to be traumatized again.”

“Hey! We agreed not to talk about that!” Alec yelled back.

Im not even surprised at this point

“Happy anniversary, bapa!” Rafael kissed him on the cheek and handed him the flowers.

“Where are my flowers?” Alec asked.

Rafael plucked a rose from the bouquet and threw it at Alec. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, son,” Alec mumbled.

IM WHEEZING

DAVID BAKES

“David made it,” Max said shyly. "

Oh,” Alec replied and then shrugged. “Well, the icing could be a little sweeter I think.”

Ever since Max started dating, Alec had become incredibly protective. Alec liked David of course – it was impossible to find someone who didn’t. But that didn’t mean Alec approved.

And it didn’t help that the blond boy was absolutely terrified of Alec.

ALEC STOP TEASING HIM

THE BOY IS ALREADY SCARED

“I don’t know,” Alec analysed the card. “David used too much glitter.”

“Since when do you have a problem with excessive glitter?” Max demanded.

ALEC

“I didn’t use him!” Max huffed. “He was thoroughly compensated for his efforts!”

“Compensated how?” Alec asked.

“Uh,” Max said. “With donuts.”

when i saw donuts i immediately thought of rose and luisa from jtv

iykyk

but should i continue the show? i got tired of jane continuously embarrasing herself

“You expect us to follow rules?” Alec asked in surprise. “In our own home? On our anniversary?”

The warlock boy grinned wickedly before leaning close to Alec.

“You better do it, or I will tell everyone about your secret,” Max whispered.

Alec blinked at that.

the secret...

I DONT LIKE HOW MANY THINGS POPPED INTO MY HEAD

is highschool musical that bad? i havent watched it. should i?

what if i cried

i just wanna hug alec??? but i cant say it'll be ok because it wont

“Is that why you are not attending?” Magnus grinned at his friend. “Or is it because you are terrified of Georgia?”

“That child is the reincarnation of Christopher Lightwood!” Ragnor complained. “I heard she made explosives out of demon ichor! Who makes explosions out of demon ichor?”

RAGNOR IS PROBABLY GETTING FLASHBACKS

THESE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES

how tf do you think we have survived huh??

medicine that's how

vaccines, anti biotics and what not

stop being close-minded and fucking do it

ok i know the risk is great

BUT OTHERWISE THEY ALL DIE

it was different for warlocks. The Shadow World was their universe. The nephilim kept it safe. At one point in their lives, they had learned to coexist with them, out of necessity and out of obligation.

And now here they were – working together in the name of friendship and love.

how things change...

what

say what

the causes are what

ok let's not jump to conclusions

im fucking crying wtf

alec doesnt deserve this shit

all he's done is make the world a better place

hes worked so hard on this

RAZIEL CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

what am i supposed to say to my parents if one of them comes to check on me and im sitting here crying at 2 am

He didn’t want to believe in a reality that would punish Alec. Alec who only wanted to do what is good and right.

Alec was who was losing his hope and strength every passing day. Alec who was struggling. Alec who was turning to desperate measures to cope with all the stress.

please alec

no please

THE ANGELS ARE BITCHES

Because if Magnus found out Raziel was the one causing all this pain for Alec, he would march up to heaven and set the bastard on fire himself.

AND I'LL GO WITH HIM

KNEW THE SPY WAS LIVVY

AWW RAGNOR LIKES SELENA THATS SO SWEET

blue and gold

STOP IT IM CRYING AGAIN

The shadowhunter was a good influence on him. Magnus hoped Alec would see it sooner rather than later.

HUH

HUHU

HUH

omg

GIGI GETTING A SIBLING

“Max isn’t allowed to do a lot of things,” Magnus chuckled. “But he does them anyway.”

thats my boi

GASP

]THE NECKLACE

rafael is growing into the consul voice

they grow up so fast

nope nope he's still the little 5 year old

voice cracking what do you mean he's 20

im glad hes happy with mila. or is he...?

Magnus had deduced as much. Alec lived in his beautifully oblivious world. But Magnus noticed.

He noticed the hickeys. He noticed the late-night visits. He noticed the tense phone calls.

well thank god there's at least one non-oblivious person (alec i love you so much but you are very very oblivious)

“What’s stopping you then?” Magnus asked.

"2554 miles,” Rafael chuckled sadly.

me with all my online friends

probably more miles

Magnus tried to do the math but promptly gave up.

me

But Alec did lie though. Magnus pushed the thought away.

NOT NOW

LET ME LIVE IN PEACEFUL OBLIVION

HUSH

“Except melt it?” Rafael chuckled.

“Yes,” Magnus chuckled back. “As you can see, the bar is extremely low in the Lightwood family.”

AHHIUCCDSKUHDCV

i have no clue what the words describing the outfit are

time to google

OK PRETTY

Fifteen years. Fifteen years of loving and Alec still made his heart stutter.

dont do this to me right now I WILL CRY

“What the hell?” Max exclaimed. “Why are you all dressed up?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s my anniversary,” Alec chuckled.

Max-

Fifteen years. Fifteen years and Magnus still took Alec’s breath away.

HJCSDHJBJDHSGCDYGJVVC JHVDFYMJ

it's not funny MY EYES ARE WATERING

“Bapak is a good looking one in the family,” Rafael pointed out. “You are the chaotic one and I am the smart one.”

“What am I then?” Alec asked dryly. “A sack of potatoes?”

“You’re the sexy one,” Magnus grinned. “A sexy sack of potatoes.”

yes.

Alec grinned back and leaned forward. Magnus put his hands around Alec’s neck and kissed him. He kissed Alec with all the love he had inside his heart.

Just like the first time. Just like the hundredth time. Just like the thousandth time.

Because with Alec, every kiss mattered. Every single one.

muffled sob

“Stop making out, oh my god!” Max groaned.

Magnus sensed a pillow coming their way but Rafael caught it before it hit them.

“Max, stop!” Rafael scolded. “You will wrinkle dad’s suit and ruin bapak’s hair! I spent hours ironing both!”

why is max me when i see people display affection in front of me

ALSO RAFAEL HKUIUIDCSKIHUDFVHJDFVHU

“They are here,” Rafael said. “You two better look exactly the way you did when I left with Max or I will raise hell.”

IM SCREAMING

Selena was wearing a blue crop top with the words “MIND YOUR OWN UTEREUS” written in gold.

i need that top

DAVID'S SHIRT IS THE COLOR OF MAX'S MAGIC

AHH ISABELLE DOESNT KNOW SHE'S PREGNANT YET

The argument of “who gave the best gift” had started when Jace and Izzy had gotten drunk on vodka. It didn’t help that Alec had gotten drunk as well. All three Lightwood siblings had then proceeded to have an argument about who had the best spouse. The whole night had been drunken chaos. Magnus, Clary and Simon had let them have it since the Lightwood siblings had a tendency to carry the world on their shoulders even when nobody asked them. They rarely ever let loose ever since their worlds had plunged into sickness and demon attacks. Especially Alec. So, Magnus had let his husband be that 18-year-old boy again. The boy who got drunk and fought with his siblings and sang songs about Magnus’ pretty eyes.

OH MY GOD THE CHAOS

Georgia considered that. “I’m not allowed to melt it, right?”

“No,” they all replied in chorus.

LET GIGI MELT IT

SELENA IM SO PROUD OF YOU

“Dad,” Max said. “Can you keep a picture of me wearing this necklace in your office?”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“I think it will piss off the boomers,” Max giggled.

“Nice!” Lexi grinned. “A downworlder wearing a shadowhunter heirloom? They will lose their heads. Uncle Alec, you must do it.”

“I will do you one better. I will hang a tapestry,” Alec chuckled.

YASSS I CANT WAIT FOR THE SHADOWHUNTERS TO BE PISSED

AWW THEY DIDNT KNOW THE NECKLACE USED TO BELONG TO MAGNUS

he actually gave to camille first-

Why couldn’t this boy just cause chaos during his travel year like the rest of them? Why did he actually study and do his research as recommended?

why would you NOT study and research during your travel year????

oh shit

well well well

david bby stfu

i love you but pls stop speaking for all our sakes

“Holy shit,” Max said. “It is expensive then!”

“Don’t pawn the ruby!” Rafael warned.

MAX NO-

OH THE STONE COMES FROM EDOM

oh no

pls dont fight

oh so i was wrong about magus confronting him from that snippet

all you need to know is im sobbing right now and grammarly is the only thing making this coherent

dont mind me just

NO I FORGOT ABOUT MAX AND DAVID

GET BACK IN THE ROOM YOU IDIOTS

don't do this to me at 3 am

OK THE DILF PART

thank you for adding light into my life again

(me while editing this: today really isn't my day huh? i just slipped in rainwater outside my balcony because I heard rain and ran there. now my knee and back hurt and I think I sprained (?) my toe-

ANYWAY

wait im gonna go check out the rain and then continue editing this

ok i got bored of the rain)

that made me laugh through my tears

“Objectively good looking?” Jace snorted. “Excuse you, but my parabatai is smoking hot! He is a freaking prize, okay? If we had a magazine for hot shadowhunters, you would be on the cover page. Every single issue.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Alec interrupted. “Magnus, are you happy? Now all my friends have told me I am pretty.”

“I said smoking hot,” Jace corrected.

“We are not being biased,” Clary pointed out. “It is the general consensus, Alec.”

“It’s true,” Lexi said. “So many people have asked me for your number, Uncle Alec. And I would have given it to them if I wasn’t worried about being turned into a marshmallow.”

LEXI DUHDUGHUDFCUHKVDFUIKFDU

“Dad, I don’t know why you are so worried,” Max said in a bored tone. “You’re a told DILF.”

David choked on his champagne and Jace patted him on the back.

“What the hell is a DILF?” Alec demanded.

“Oh, I know this one!” Jace said excitedly. “It means Dashing and Irresistible Looking Father. Max is right, you are a total DILF.”

“Mr. Herondale-” David raised a hand.

“I heard one of the shadowhunters in their travel year calling me a DILF too,” Jace said proudly.

THAT IS NOT WHAT DILF MEANS OH MY GOD

“It’s not a rumour,” Selena spoke up and passed her phone. “There is a group chat at Scholomance just to thirst after you.”

add me to it

ALL THE COMMENTS I CANT BREATHE

“Alec Lightwood can run me over with a Maserati and I would thank him.”

“Give me that,” Izzy grabbed the phone and started giggling. “Petition for Consul Alec Lightwood-Bane to stab me with his mortal sword.”

“Isabelle!” Alec hissed, cheeks flaming. “Stop it!”

“I want one!” Jace grabbed the phone now. “By the Angel!”

“Read it!” the kids yelled in chorus.

“I would gladly let Consul Lightwood-Bane inspect my mortal instruments,” Jace chuckled and threw the phone at David.

David shook his head vehemently and threw it at Max.

“My body is just a hole for Alec Lightwood,” Max read out loud and started laughing so hard that he fell off his chair.

Lexi grabbed the phone and giggled. “I want the Consul to strip off my runes among other things.”

She passed the phone to Gigi, who looked at the phone and look at Alec.

“Uncle Alec,” the girl said. “This person wants you to crush them with your massive archer arms.”

“Give me that,” Rafael grabbed it now. “Aw, this one is a classic, dad. Alec Lightwood turned me gay.”

He threw the phone at Simon, who stared the screen and looked up. “Uh, I don’t think I can read this one out loud in front of the kids.

“Is this the one about the basement?” Selena chuckled and Simon nodded.

WHAT'S THE BASEMENT ONe

TELL ME

AWW GIGI AND LEXI PUTTING MAKEUP ON DAVID AND MAX RECORDING IT

google translator time

oooo Rafael's gonna talk with Mila

Magnus you're such a good father

seriously

“Sometimes things are just sad. So, you need to let yourself be sad.”

YES

SAY IT LOUDER

THEY ARE UNDER THE BED

AHHH MAX AND DAVID

DAVID CALLED HIM MY ANGEL IN FRENCH

Alec and Magnus hiding under the bed and spying on them is just-

Jace had tried to give Max the shovel talk and had gotten a little too emotional.

of course, he did smh I love him so much

“David doesn’t need a shovel talk,” Alec smiled. “He knows what would happen to him if he hurts my son.”

David gulped. “You will throw me into the silent city?”

“I will ask me husband to portal you to hell,” Alec said – Consul Voice. “We have relatives there.”

the beloved relatives yes

“Goodnight,” Jace gave them a salute. “Have fun inspecting Magnus’ mortal instruments.”

JACE

OH SO THE QUESTION WAS ABOUT SMOKING

damn it

oh my god guys he said he'll stop smoking

just lemme have this moment

my boy's lungs will be intact

HIS LUNGS WILL BE OK

“I can’t wait to see all the messages on the chat after that,” Magnus giggled.

Alec looked up. “I’m more than a tall glass of water, Magnus!”

SCREAMING

In his dream, he saw them again. But they weren’t smiling this time.

what

wait

THE PROPHETIC DREAMS

nope nope nope

Nah I don't know what you're talking about

haha

damn, I think I really hurt my back...

OK BUT THE IMMORTALITY ANGST???? WAS SO SO GOOD???? I know it makes me cry but is it bad that I'm always so excited for angst written by you because of HOW GOOD it is????

"When I die I will love you from my grave" I NEED THIS ON MY FOREHEAD OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH

alright I need to get something for my back and my knee (I'm home alone so this will be fun)

OK, I THINK THE NEXT CHP WILL BE ANJALI'S POV I JUST FEEL IT!!! I miss my girl so much I hope she's doing ok. Jaime too...

I'm rereading all of these chapters after chapter 10 because why not. Bye!!

OKAY I AM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BUT I AM ALSO DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

I hope your knee and back feels better soon!

also fuck that teacher yelling something doesn't make people understand it any better ugh dumb piece of shit anyway screw that person.

I hope you get some good rest and recovery from this rollercoaster of a day.

Take care!

[numbaoneflaya]

You can count on me to pull up with a thousand of questions sbdhdh. A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ; A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ; A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ; A9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ;

A3.Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

Shawty got that stockholm syndrome in a way. She is…. Sometimes aware of it, though she wouldn't call it that any more. Maybe at first in the basement she was more aware, but now that she can come and go she thinks its a thing of the past. tries not to dwell on it. Kind of in a “well its literally not that bad its kind of fun its kind of romantic were just quirky <3” way, will get mad if someone insists she has stockholm or that the relationship is fucked. Will get enraged and upset on Vincent's behalf, probably cry and yell at you.

A22. Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

I intended her to be fairly average, maybe kind of cute. It's generally the way she dresses/acts in public that draws attention, not her looks. I tend to make most of my ocs on the average scale besides a select few.

C5. Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

Good question…. Jillys morals are pretty simple- always be kind and nice, murder and hurting other people is bad, and you shouldnt lie. She sticks to those pretty strictly herself despite the situations she gets put in, often to her own detriment. But she doesn't always put a stop to those behaviors from the people she surrounds herself with, so she's sort of accomplice to bad acts of violence just by not snitching. So somewhat situational? She tries not to think about it.

D3. How comfortable are they with the idea of death?

Not comfortable! She hadn't seen a lot of it before her early twenties and was always sort of sheltered. dead fish are flushed down the toilet bcs they go to the ocean to live again, right? Thought cows and such all died of old age peacefully before they were made into burgers until she was like… twelve. 💀Won't kill mice and other critters despite her prey drive bcs she would feel too bad. And this is just for animal death, she's much more uncomfortable with human death. Also a thing she tries to ignore.

F3. Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?

God no. She hates small spaces unless she's hiding in them and tiny homes have no room for all the shit she stashes! No room for zoomies, or climbing on the furniture, or wrestling around on the floor. It would be filled with junk within a week.

A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ;

A18. Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

He's never had much to be jealous of, as he's never really been over involved in romantic relationships. They were usually mutually beneficial and somewhat clinical in nature. Hes also pretty sure of himself and his value as an asset and lover. If he finds someone who peaks his interest and they become an item though, he might get jealous if he catches them flirting with other people. Hell be peeved at first but know flirtation in business has its value, so to make himself feel better might flirt with someone else while they are nearby. Make a game of it, see who wins.

A23. Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

Appearances are crucial to him and spends a lot of time and money making sure he looks his best. He needs to appear above the rabble and impenetrable, dressing well and having immaculate posture and an air of both grace and otherworldliness.

B9. What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Definitely not one to find fart jokes funny. Very rarely laughs genuinely or full heartedly, he keeps all his expressions of emotion close to his chest. Sharp sardonic wit is appealing to him in the right circumstances, even a jab directed at himself can make him chuckle if it's well formed enough. Irony almost always gets him, even if its dark irony or gallows humor. Bit of a hard nut to crack. Would laugh enough that hed have to cover his mouth with his hand if he were to see Felix fall face first into mud, though. More often than not you can tell he finds something amusing by a gleam in his eyes and a slight squint.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

Well he used to have a real moral code :/. Now I mean…. The ends justify the means. By any means necessary. He considers his family's needs first, then the good of the world, then any individual in the world. Has ordered executions of entire families, had babies stolen and sent away, sent armies to certain death knowing full well they would all die, commanded individuals be tortured for information, sacrificed many in what he considers to be a game of chess where he is the player and others are the pawns. He finds senseless violence and savagery to be unforgivable, but if violence has a sense and purpose to employ it, then he will do so.

H2. Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Nirn tends to be a very thoughtful and attentive person in general, just for the wrong reasons lmaoooo. But with a lover? He's going to be utilizing that to show them how much he cares and using his powers for good. Mention you like a certain fabric while shopping one time and then complain your favorite tunic has a wine stain in it several months later, he's going to be taking your measurements for a new one in your preferred material without a moment's notice. Very keen on picking up moods, expressions and tone. Also has a very good memory. He doesn't really think about it but gifts are how he shows his love. Also a great attentive listener.

A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ;

A5. Are they good at handling change in their life?

I would say so, yeah. Shes been used to things constantly changing since she was little and has had little to no control on outside influences. Shes also not one to over think about the past and lament, shes more of a one foot in front of the other, the only time is the present kind of gal. Of course large changes like becoming a warden were a bit more severe, but shes mostly able to think in the present as long as she has immediate problems to deal with.

B9.What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Slapstick is always gonna make her laugh as long as nobody gets seriously hurt, even if its her own ass tripping into a tree. Not a fan of scare pranks, 0/10 recommend trying to scare Thurwen. You will end up with a broken nose at best and an angry elf. Likes puns, but she's the one to groan at them and try and hide the grin spreading across her face. Gallows humor but only if its her in the gallows, otherwise doesn't find it funny at all. If a little kid calls someone a fartcicle she will be tears in the eyes giggling, which is hard when your warden commander and everyone looks toward you to be serious and mature gyshsdhdfsghsd.

C8. Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

She definitely holds herself to moral ideals and is very hard on herself, but has realistic moral expectations for others. She can understand self serving and people only wanting to survive and she will only give people a little bit of shit for it, no one's perfect. But then she expects herself to be perfect and berates herself constantly for not living up to the hero of ferelden warden commander ideals.

D1. How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

Atheist ever since her mom died when she was a kid, but now Shes in a weird mixed state ever since the urn of sacred ashes where shes like. fuck the maker, but Andraste is cool I guess. So respects/believes in the power of Andraste while thinking the maker is a piece of shit and the chantry sucks ass. Even she doesnt know what she really believes, but she did see the ghosts of Andrastes disciples and Shartan, used her ashes as healing salve, killed an old god, etc. So shes been in a weird place recently, crisis of faith/non faith pretty continual.

I5. Are they a good cook?

I mean…. She can cook basics. Shes been feeding herself and the alienage kids since she was old enough to walk so she knows how to get protein and make things edible. Does it taste good? Probably not. She didnt see her first spice till she was 17 years old, but she can skin a rabbit in seven seconds.

LA9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A9. Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

She tries to excuse bad behavior of herself or others a lot, yeah fgdgdsfhdhs. Mostly she doesnt have to make excuses for herself because she can wholeheartedly be like “yeah i fucked up but whatever im sexy and large and awesome and everyone loves me 🙄whatever baby” and when other people fuck up shes pretty sympathetic even though they are not as large nor as sexy. Shes very used to forgiving and excusing herself its totally alien to her when she really fucks up and is suddenly like wait… valkya…. Did bad?? What is this feeling. Shame?? Guilt?? IMPOSSIBLE.

A13. Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

She hates those giant bugs in morrowind and valenwood a whole fucking lot but I wouldnt exactly place it as a phobia. Those huge mosquitoes and haorvers got no respect but she really hates the morrowind bugs ever since they knocked her over and jumped her while she was pants down peeing drunk as hell in the sand :/ never forgave. Never forgot.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

She was raised in a healthy household that tought the basics, prety much “harming others needlessly, stealing, torture, rape, dessecrating the dead, being selfish and not doing right by others, etc etc all basic bad things” are her morals. Her morality is basically treat others how you want to be treated. And if they treat you badly, then have fun beating the shit out of them to show everyone else not to fuck with you. Its a pretty nordic morality in that way. Her morality is also since she was ‘blessed’ with being so large and strong, that she has to also look out for the little guy who cant protect themselves. So If someone treats them how valkya wouldn't want to be treated, then beat the shit out of the person harming them to show them the little guys got backup. Her parents raised her to be a hero and thats p much how she sees herself, which has its benefits and its fuckin problems.

E8. What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets?

Fucking up Dem and Dariens relationship for sure dude :/ valkya always gonna be sulking over that one. She doesnt regret becoming a vestige, even though it would have made her so much happier not to be because it ended up saving so many people and the world. She regrets not spending more time with Naryu, regrets always having other life saving business she had to run off to, regrets not cherishing the time they had together. Regrets not telling Lyris how she feels, either. Regrets not being able to save as many people as she should have, regrets she wasnt stronger in coldharbor and didnt break out herself. But she tries not to think about it <3

G6. Do they have any favorite childhood memories?

When she was seven she once spent two months training to hold her breath underwater, because her cousin always held it longer and won the gold bet. She trained for hours almost drowning in the river until she could comfortably hold it for up to three minutes. During the next holiday when they all got together again the competitions were on and they both went under- her cousin won, holding their breath for four more minutes before they decided to come up. This was the first lesson she learned that shocked her world view- you always need to know your opponents capabilities. (after she lost 26 gold in the bets, her mother later had to inform her that her cousin was an argonian.)

[smalltragedy]

* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending. 

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine. 

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere. 

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster. 

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows. 

[multibug]

i'm out of my head and i know that you're scared (because hearts get broken)

chapters: 19/? (chapter one is a prelude from my love square fluff series and is included) words: 51,441 relationships: adrien agreste/marinette dupain-cheng, alya cesaire/nino lahiffe   tags: Alternate Universe - No Kwamis, Chatting & Messaging, Long-Distance Friendship, Identity Reveal, Slow Burn, Influencers, Aged-Up Character(s), Human Kwamis, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Lila Shakes Things Up summary: ren from ren and stimpy: think its the opposite u furry lookin ass

right chat: Rena, nooo!!

ren from ren and stimpy: rena yes

or, Adrien is a streamer on top of his modeling job, with the help of his long-distance friends Ladybug, Carapace, and Rena Rouge. Shenanigans ensue, and the masks they’ve hidden behind for years begins to break.

“You’re telling me that some bitch—”

Nino sputters out a mildly horrified laugh. “Alya!”

A strand of hair is tucked behind her ear by said snapback-clad boy and she huffs loudly. “What, Nino? It’s not as if I’m wrong. As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, she stole my identity?!”

A strand of hair is tucked behind her ear by said snapback-clad boy and she huffs loudly. “What, Nino? It’s not as if I’m wrong. As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, she stole my identity?!”

“Yeah, we only realized she wasn’t you when the two of you returned from your trip and messaged us,” Adrien supplies helplessly, shifting to tuck a leg under him. 

Alya gives both him and Marinette the stink eye, though Adrien’s sure it’s just a test if he knows her well enough. “How could you ever think someone like that was me?” 

“To be fair, Als,” Marinette starts off, voice gentle as she scooches closer to Adrien to lean against his arm. “We didn’t really get to talk to her. I tried messaging her on Discord and on Twitch, but she kept claiming she was busy anytime I reached out. I figured you were just upset over the breakup originally and needed your space, you know? I didn’t want to push it.” 

The redhead’s harsh exterior fades, and they’re left with a sad one instead. “Yeah, it’s just bizarre that she’d even want my account? Is she that obsessed with sunshine over here?” 

“Hey! Don’t say that.” Adrien’s cheeks flush a deep shade of red, which has Marinette pinching them. He grabs her hands and huffs. “Hey to you too!” 

Marinette’s laughter is contagious. “Hey, what’s up?” 

Alya raises an eyebrow in Marinette’s direction and leans in to whisper into her ear. Whatever Alya says has Marinette’s cheeks burning a bright shade of pink that travels to her neck and parts of her shoulders. She quickly removes her hands from Adrien’s, yet stays tucked against his side.

Both of them blinking over in Adrien’s direction has him believing it had something to do with him. 

“Whatever the case may be,” Adrien begins, flicking his hair out of his eyes. He’s not thinking about those last few seconds. Nope. “We need to be smart about this, Ren—Alya. She has your account right now and has all of our subscribers like putty in her hands.” 

“Adrien’s right. If we go about this the wrong way, they might think we’re lying, and we do not want for that to happen,” Nino chimes in, resting a reassuring hand on Alya’s shoulder as she begins to close in on herself. 

“It’s weird seeing you be reasonable,” Marinette comments idly, her hair splaying out over Adrien’s arm and shoulder. 

Nino hums. “Only when it’s needed.” 

“That’s a good way to live.” 

“Yeah, I try.” Nino flips his non-existent long hair over his shoulder. 

“So what do we do?” Alya’s voice is soft, nowhere near as confident as the girl they know. 

Marinette sends her a reassuring smile. “Max is working on getting the account back as we speak. Going through the conventional means won’t work, but if anyone can do it, it’s Max.”

“He said he’d call once he has the account back, so instead of sitting around all day like plebs, I’ve planned us a little adventure.” Nino’s lips curve into a smirk that excites Adrien. “Get dressed, lads and ladettes. We’ve places to be, things to see!” 

“Do you have any idea what he’s got planned?” Marinette asks both Adrien and Alya as Nino disappears into the guest room to supposedly finish getting ready. 

A light breeze travels in through the screen door of the balcony. It’s chillier than it’s been the last few days, though not nearly as cold as Paris is during this time of year. Birds still flock regularly on Marinette’s balcony, a few residing today with the leftovers of what she’d given them earlier. 

Adrien loves it here. 

(Marinette definitely isn’t the main reason, no. He wouldn’t admit it to himself if he was paid to.) 

“No idea,” Alya replies with a shrug, a far-off look in her eye. “I’m going to go get dressed.” As soon as the look had appeared, it vanished, and she follows Nino to change. 

“We have to keep an eye on her,” Marinette whispers, a bit too close to constitute a reasonable amount of personal space, but Adrien isn’t complaining. “I don’t like seeing her like this.” 

His heart warms at how caring she is. “You’re too nice, Bug. She’ll be okay, but we’ll be there for her if she needs us, okay?” 

He hopes his reassurance is enough to quell her worries. 

It does seem to be enough, and a huge smile breaks out on her face. “Thanks, Adrien. You’re the best.” She leaves him with a quick, slightly wet kiss on the cheek and scurries out of the room with a giggle, much to Adrien’s amusement. 

He raises his eyebrows with a smirk, shaking his head fondly. If that’s how she wants to play, then so be it. 

Game on.

— — — 

PANINI: gamers im taking the ladies out today if you guys want to come, let me know and i’ll dm you the details

Banana head: NINO, YOU IDIOT. I’M NOT A LADY. Who changed my name? I will end you.

chlo: rmbr u rmbr right?

Banana head: Chlo, I swear to all that is holy. Don’t tell that story. 

chlo: how much?

RENegade: is sHE ASKING FOR SEX???

marimba: SEX???????? wheRE?????

chlo: GOD NO I’M A LESBIAN WHAT THE FUCK

Kagami: Lesbian, huh? ;) 

chlo: kagami stfu is2g

Kagami: ;)

chlo: ANYWAYS how much money, adri

Banana head: You want another Louis Vuitton bag, don’t you?

chlo: IT’S THE NEWEST OF THE SEASON AND THEY WON’T LET ME HAVE IT

Banana head: Sigh. I’ll see what I can do. 

chlo: thanks bitch! you’re the bomb bomb dot com bomb diggity someone take away my phone

Alix: hey, @Carapace, what time are you guys going out? rose, juleka and i are about to see a movie but if it’s after that, we can meet up

PANINI: we were gonna head out before the rain hit so in like five minutes

Juls: drat we can just hang out another time then :( have fun guys!!!!

marimba: YOU TOO JULES I LOVE YOU BITCH

Juls: I AIN’T EVER GON STOP LOVING YOU

Alix: BITCH

Banana head: Best meme. 10/10. 

luka: how can you say that when the chicken nuggets meme exists

marimba: I ONLY HAVE 69 CENTS!! GOOD MEME!!!!!! 

luka: see even marinette knows

marimba: haha it has 69 in it haha haha ha 

Banana head: You’re such a child!!!! 

marimba: COMING FROM THE MAN WITH THE NAME BANANA HEAD WHERE’S CHLOE I’LL GET HER THE LOUIS VUITTON BAG IF IT MEANS HER TELLING THE STORY

Banana head: I’M KIDDING. I’M KIDDING!!!!

marimba: that’s what i thought :) 

PANIN(o)I: y’all better be ready we leaving now let’s GO 

RENegade: I’M COMING BITCH CHILLLLL

marimba: wITHOUT ME????

Adrien’s been ready for a bit, but he doesn’t mind waiting. 

He decided on wearing a pair of black jeans instead of shorts, just in case it rains while they’re out, and a black sweater with a thick jean jacket. His hair is a dark brown shade, still lightening at a slow rate, though he doesn’t mind it much at this shade. 

He wouldn’t dye it again to match, but he’ll let it fade as he’s enjoying the brunet life.

Marinette’s bedroom door squeaks open and she appears through the door, dressed and ready to go. 

And wow. No one should look that good, and she pulls it off so easily. 

Her bangs frame her face like curtains, her hair just past shoulder length from being straightened. Her bright blue eyes blink amusedly at him, lips arching into a smile.

The only makeup he spots is on her lips, a lip gloss that makes her lips look super kissable. “Problem, Agreste?” 

Laughter bubbles out of his lips, and he averts his eyes. “None, Dupain-Cheng. Just admiring your beauty, is all.” Lying won’t help his cause, so he might as well be honest. 

She rolls her eyes, hard enough to hurt, yet her cheeks give her away. “Sure, whatever you say!” 

His eyes flash over her attire. While she’s not dressed up by any means, the outfit she chose suits her so well. 

Wait. Is she trying to kill him?

With the impending rain and whether they’ll end up caught in the crossfire, she’s chosen a black baggy sweater, denim jeans with large holes around the knees with fishnet stockings underneath, and black old-skool vans. 

And to top it off, she’s wearing his merch. His Chat Noir sweater that’s completely black, with white lettering in the center that says, “I’m the Chat’s meow”. He hadn’t noticed at first, been too preoccupied with, er, other things—her lips—and he’d lie if he said his face didn’t get slightly hot at seeing her in person in his merch. 

“I thought you only bought the sweatpants, Bug?” He asks offhandedly, eyes averting from her for a second time. 

(He has no idea the nickname brings another bout of red to her cheeks.)

“Shut up or I will take it off right now—” 

“Oh, please d—”

She’s in front of him in a second, her hand firmly covering his mouth with a menacing look in her eyes. “Adrien Agreste, if you continue with that sentence, I will murder you and I won’t tell anyone where I hid your body—”

Adrien bursts out laughing the best he can, and it sounds so bizarre with her hand muffling it. His own hand finds her wrist and wraps around it, gently prying it away from his face. “Bug, please, you’re going to kill me!”

“You’re not wrong about that,” she affirms with her eyes narrowed. She allows him to keep hold of her wrist.

“I was kidding,” he murmurs, eyes locking with hers as he brings her wrist to his lips and presses a light kiss to her skin. With how close she is, he can feel her breath hitch, so he sends her his best smile. “I would never want to make you uncomfortable.” 

Marinette’s head tilts to the side, face softening. Her free hand finds his cheeks and she squeezes them gently. “You’ve never made me uncomfortable before, and you haven’t now. I was kidding as well.” 

His eyes brighten. “Oh, so that means you—”

“You’re absolutely hopeless!” Her forehead drops to his shoulder as she whines loudly. 

“There, there,” he says, hand wrapping around her to pat her back. “You’ll be okay, Bug, don’t worry. I’ve got you.” 

She’s warm, so warm against him that his jacket feels stifling, and he tugs her closer, enjoying—savoring this moment with her. He doesn’t have many days left in Nice, and he wants to cherish every second he can. 

There goes his heart again, pitter-pattering away, following hers like a lost puppy. 

If only she knew.

[artificialqueens]

Girl I Met On The Internet, 5/6 (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

a/n these chapters aren’t really that long but i keep taking forever to get them written and edited lol but anyway i hope ya’ll enjoy!! 

Gigi stayed at Crystal’s house for a while after their kiss. Crystal showed Gigi all of the art that was not yet hanging up on her walls, gave her a house tour, and introduced her to her cat Tic Tac, who Gigi instantly fell in love with. 

Gigi finally had to go when Crystal said her mom was on her way home from work, and would not be happy with Crystal if she found out she had someone over without permission. 

“Are you sure you’ll be fine walking home?” Crystal asked, watching Gigi put her shoes back on from where she was standing in the kitchen.

“Yeah, don’t worry. I live like, two streets down, actually so I’ll be there in like five minutes!” Gigi reassured her.

They hugged goodbye, Crystal walking her out and standing on her front porch until Gigi went out of sight. A few minutes later, Gigi messaged her.

gigi: i’m home and i miss ur cat

crystal: :o only tic tac??? not me??

gigi: yeah <3

crystal: you’re a loser

To Crystal’s disappointment, she didn’t hear from Gigi again until much later. Crystal had been debating getting off TikTok and going to sleep early for once when Gigi finally messaged her back. 

gigi: do u wanna facetime

crystal: YEAH!

Crystal balanced her phone on her history textbook that was still laying on her bed and grabbed Tic Tac, knowing Gigi would love seeing the cat again. 

“Hi!” Gigi waved, gasping when she saw Tic Tac in frame. “Who’s the cutest cat ever?”  

Gigi showed Crystal her room and her closet. Eventually, they both exited the FaceTime app to go on Twitter, but stayed on the call. They made it their mission to annoy the other girls by spamming them with pictures of frogs and other memes they had found funny.

crystal: frog in a hat frog in a hat

nicky: why not sheep? they are the superior animal!

crystal: No <3 but i fuck with you for trying

Jackie: Does this happen often?

nicky: crystal and gigi are always on some bullshit. just ignore them queen

jan!: nicky pls stop trying to steal jackie 

nicky: i simply breathed

“Hey, I think I’m going to bed,” Crystal yawned, “I’m tired. I would’ve been asleep by now if you didn’t want to talk.”

“Wait, before you go, do you maybe want to walk to school together tomorrow?” Gigi asked, coming back onto the app to see Crystal’s face.

Crystal smiled. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

“Great! I’ll message you in the morning. Goodnight, ba- bitch!”

Being so tired, Crystal almost didn’t catch Gigi’s slip up. “Goodnight, Gigi.”

Being just friends was going to be difficult, Crystal decided before finally allowing herself to fall asleep.

-

Walking to school became Gigi and Crystal’s new thing. With Crystal’s mom’s permission, Gigi would join Crystal after school on days she didn’t have practice, often staying for dinner. Crystal’s mom met Gigi a week after they started doing this, and was very skeptical the first time she met Gigi, not expecting Crystal to have befriended a cheerleader, but quickly welcomed her with open arms.

After Gigi had dinner with Crystal and her mom, her and Crystal went back into Crystal’s room to get some homework done. Gigi’s mom requested her to come home after Gigi and Crystal finished Gigi’s algebra homework. They were both pretty bad at math, but Crystal insisted if they worked together they would be able to figure it out, which was debatable at best.  

“I don’t want to go. I’m too comfy,” Gigi complained, not wanting to get up from Crystal’s bed.

“You have to. Sorry.” Crystal replied, making Gigi stick her tongue out at her.

A few moments later, Gigi sat up, remembering that she wanted to ask Crystal something. “Hey, so before I go, I was thinking…”

“You think?” Crystal teased, giggling. Gigi gasped in mock offense, throwing a pillow at her head.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Gigi continued, “I was thinking that we should have lunch together tomorrow. Only talking to you in the halls is not enough.”

“Yeah, of course! Do you want to meet me in the art room then?” Crystal asked, shutting her textbook and turning to face Gigi. 

“No. I’ll come meet you outside your class. What happens next is a surprise.”

Those words replayed in Crystal’s brain for the rest of the night. A conversation that happened in the group chat when Crystal was in the shower got her even more excited.

gigi: guys guess what

jan!: yeah??

gigi: i miss crystal :(

jan!: weren’t you at her house like an hour ago

heidi: hold up WHAT

heidi: miss gigi was WHERE????

jaida: what now

gigi: JAN SHUSH you ruined my reveal!!!

jaida: JAN YOU KNEW THIS??? and didn’t wish to share???

jan!: uh-

heidi: not a reveal DHGJSDH

gigi: i’m gonna ask crystal out and then after that i was gonna send a selfie of us revealing that we are dating AND that we live in the same town and everyone would lose their minds at the superior couple

jaida: now why would you announce that if she’s in here

gigi: SHIT

gigi: everyone spam the chat she doesn’t read up 

jan!: SUPERIOR COUPLE?? HELLO???

jan!: stealing your idea. we aren’t dating yet but look at me and jackie :-) 

nicky: I HEARD JACKIE IM HERE

jaida: nicky why do you hit on everyone who’s not available dgfhfj first gigi, and then you were a crystal stan and now this

nicky: why are you acting like this is a problem jai

Jackie: I find it hilarious. Jan only reserves that side of her when Ariana Grande posts a selfie. I’m chopped liver to her.

jan!: JACKIE THAT’S A LIE DHJBFDKH WHY DO YOU ONLY COME IN HERE TO BULLY ME

Jackie: ;)

gigi: jackie’s using emojis we did it gays

nicky: i am a homewrecker. jaida, find a partner and i will flirt with you too

heidi: nicky literally no one asked

jaida: well damn.. 

jaida: hey heidi you single??

heidi: NOT THISIDHDGKJS

Crystal usually didn’t read up, due to pure laziness and the fact that these girls could send fifty messages a minute if they wanted to. It was too much for Crystal sometimes. This time she decided to read up, and she was glad she did. They didn’t try hard enough to hide anything Gigi said, and Crystal was even more excited for the next day.

-

Crystal got up extra early that morning, putting more effort than she usually would on taming her curly hair and put on a tad bit more makeup than usual. She searched her closet for the perfect outfit, and finally picked out a hot pink jumpsuit with purple flowers on it, with a headband with the same design on it to match. 

She loved what she saw when she finally looked at herself in her full length mirror. Crystal knew this was going to be a good day; she looked good, and Gigi was going to ask her out during lunch. She was so excited.

gigi: im on ur street!

Crystal tried her best to mask her excitement as she walked down the hall and out the front door, not wanting Gigi to know she was aware of her plan.

“You look so cute!” Gigi exclaimed as soon as she saw Crystal.

“Thanks! You do too, we match!” Crystal replied.

Gigi was wearing a pink floral shirt with white shorts, and Crystal thought she looked very nice. Gigi always did, but it didn’t appear that she put in any extra effort, unlike Crystal did.

Crystal didn’t let that upset her, she told herself that the way Gigi dressed probably wouldn’t affect anything Gigi had planned. 

Due to Crystal’s impatience, the morning felt much longer. When the bell signaling that it was lunch finally rang, Crystal couldn’t hide the gigantic grin on her face if she tried. Right outside the doorway stood Gigi, and two other girls who were on the cheerleading squad. Crystal found this odd, but made her way over anyway.

“Hey, you ready?” Gigi asked, giving Crystal a quick hug. “This is Rosy and this is Symone,” Gigi said, motioning to the other girls. “I want you to meet them so we’re all having lunch together!”

Realization hit. There was no date, Crystal was way off. She really hoped her face didn’t show her disappointment. She tried to ignore it, Crystal was curious to meet Symone and Rosy. Gigi had mentioned them briefly before, but they must’ve been close if Gigi was introducing them.

“Just with you guys? Not Dahlia?” 

“Nope, she has a dentist appointment.” Gigi confirmed, and the four of them took off to the cafeteria.

Lunch was surprisingly nice. Rosy and Symone were way nicer than Dahlia ever had been to Crystal. Symone liked to paint, and Rosy loved Harry Styles so there was much for Crystal to discuss with them. Crystal didn’t like them as much as she liked her internet friends, but she couldn’t say they didn’t exceed her expectations. Crystal wondered why Gigi wasn’t always surrounding herself with cheerleaders like Rosy and Symone, who were genuinely nice and positive, but that would be a question for another time. 

Despite lunch going better than expected, Crystal was sad that she was so off about what Gigi had planned. She felt stupid, even though none of what Gigi had said hinted to only inviting Crystal to have lunch with her friends on the squad.

-

On their way to Crystal’s house, Gigi could tell something was off with the green haired girl. She was going to get to the bottom of it. 

“What’s wrong, babe?” Gigi asked once they got in Crystal’s room, both of them sitting on the bed. 

“It’s stupid, don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine,” Crystal lied, busying herself by petting Tic Tac, who had jumped up to join them on the bed.

“It’s not stupid if it’s bothering you.” Gigi pushed, wanting to help.

Crystal took a deep breath, and let it all out. “What are we, Gigi? We said we’d be just friends for now but I thought you were going to take me on a date during lunch today since you told the group chat about your plan but I was wrong!” 

Gigi had to take a moment to process everything. “I was going to try to clear that up by taking you on a date during spring break.” She admitted, making Crystal’s eyes go wide.

“Fuck… I’m sorry, I just-” Crystal mumbled, feeling awful,

“That’s why I wanted you to meet my other friends.” Gigi continued, “I think I’m going to come out to them before spring break.”

Crystal was shocked, “Gigi, spring break is next week. Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah. I need to. I talk to them about you all the time and I think they’re starting to get suspicious.” Gigi blushes.

“Even Dahlia?”

“Yeah, but she’s moving this summer so she’ll be out of her hair soon enough.”

“I think this is the best day ever, honestly.” Crystal giggles, leaning forward to press a kiss to Gigi’s cheek, making her whine.

“No. On the lips.” Gigi pouted. 

“I don’t kiss before the first date, Georgia Rose.” Crystal teases. 

“You’re so stupid!” Gigi huffs, tackling Crystal onto her bed, tickling her sides until she thought Crystal had enough. When Gigi finally stopped, Crystal lied there for a moment, still giggling even though Gigi’s manicured fingers weren’t on her anymore. 

“You’re so mean! I didn’t deserve that.” 

“You’re the one who wouldn’t kiss me!” Gigi whined again, flipping Crystal off.

“Don’t stress. G. Spring break will be here before we know it.”

[nostalthicc]

send your regards | jeff wittek

mobster!jeff x reader

summary: y/n and jeff both find out some pretty unsettling things about their relationship

warnings: cursing, horribly written, hella mistakes, im just not that happy with it 

3k words

y/n didn’t find herself in a relationship very often, so she understood why her friends were so eager to hear about this new guy she had been seeing for about five months. they’ve had to watch y/n come home in the early hours of the morning, new designer items pop into her closet and her mood suddenly shifted from her usual unbothered attitude to a brand new happy woman and hadn’t even heard a peep about who caused all these changes in their friend’s life.

but today was the day, y/n’s small group of friends sat crowded around her bed as she started to tell them about her newfound relationship- if she could even call it that. “we met at sandy’s, the club near the outlet mall. and you know me when i have one, two many drinks. i thought he was gonna kick me out in the morning but ended up making me breakfast and asked for my number.” y/n said, pausing as she noticed the girls were dying to interrupt her story with questions.

“how was it?” 

“what does he look like?”

“what’s his name?”

“eggplant and baby carrot?” 

“does he have a brother?”

y/n’s eyes widen at the abundance of words thrown her way, she knew they were curious but not this much so. “one, that’s for me to know, court. two, he’s really fucking hot, i’ll show you guys a picture in a second, three his name is jeff wittek-”

before she could go any farther, her older friend, nora blurted out: “What?! Jeff?” y/n gave her a questionable look, urging nora to quiet down and explain her sudden outburst. “y/n, no, you have to end things, you can’t get involved with him.” she said frantically. “h-he’s not a good person.”

“what are you talking about?” y/n asked, her eyebrows furrowed. jeff was one of the kindest people she met whenever they were together, she couldn’t imagine a bad bone in his body. what nora was saying didn’t add up, it seems her friend must have been confused and was talking about the wrong jeff. since the first time she met him he had been nothing but nice to y/n and the people around them and every one of jeff’s friends were also highly kind to her. 

“are you stupid, y/n? jeff wittek is the mob boss that haunts this god forsake town. how could you be so clueless and naive?” nora whispered harshly, causing all the girl’s eyes to widen. they’ve never seen nora act this way, she was always chill and down to earth so to see her blowing up as she was, was shocking. 

everyone had their attention focused on nora they completely missed the look of horror on y/n’s face. little pieces of the puzzle were starting to come together, she knew he was hiding something but y/n never thought it would be of this capacity. the late-night or early morning phone calls, they obnoxious amount of weapons hidden throughout his house, jeff’s constant stance of authority with everyone around him, the bloodied clothing he swore were nose bleeds or bar fights, and the never-ending pit of drugs he had handy at all times. it all made sense now, y/n had dismissed it because she wanted jeff to tell her what his secret was when he was ready but now y/n really regrets her idea. why would he not tell her? how many people has he killed? would he ever hurt her? 

“do you know what he does? he kills people, y/n.” she seethed, earning unprovable glares from surrounding customers- not that she cared. nora knew what she had to do  and she was willing to do it at any cost. “you better get away before he kills you as he does with all his little whores!”

“nora!”

y/n had heard enough, she swiftly grabbed her coat and purse and made a beeline for the door despite her friend’s calls. frustration was building deep inside her, why had everything gone to shit in a matter of minutes? y/n slammed her hands down on the steering wheel multiple times before resting her forehead against the cool leather. when her mind drifted to jeff a new emotion emerged, fear. she was scared.  

y/n knew she needed to confront jeff or it would eat at her alive, she wants to hear the words come from his own two lips before she made any rash decisions. meanwhile, nora had escaped the mob of anger girls and was standing behind the cafe with a burner phone pressed to her ear and a cigarette between her lips. 

“hello?” a gruff, agitated voice answer on the other line. 

“do i just have the funniest story for you?” she was met with silence from the man. rolling her eyes she continued. “you assigned me to keep on an eye on y/n after you two called it quits but you’ll never guess who’s bed she crawled into...wittek.” 

the sound of glass shattering course through the speakers, he was angry, very angry. “jeff wittek?! you had one fucking, nora! one job, how did you manage to fuck it up?” 

“it’s not my fault.” nora defended herself, she was not threatened but the anger pouring through the phone and she was not going to be blamed for something she didn’t do. “i was finding out right along with her dumbass friends, apparently y/n’s not one to openly talk about relationships because it’s been going on for three months but guessing from  her reaction when she found out, i don’t think it’ll last much longer.”

“if something happens to her because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut, so be it, i will put a bullet in your head.” 

nora chuckled, blowing out a puff of smoke. “don’t joke around like that i might get excited.” 

⇉⇉⇉

todd met y/n at the front door of jeff’s overly large house, he offered y/n a genuine smile but it quickly fell when she didn’t return the gesture and kept her eyes trained on the floor. ���hey, are you okay?” he asked, reaching to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder but y/n hopped back before he could come into contact with her. todd took her weird demeanor and silence as a sign to go get jeff, he can always cheer her up. 

y/n was terrified to even be in this house, so many awful things must have gone down on this very floor, so much blood. y/n wanted to vomit at the thought. nora’s words continued to fill her brain, how could she have been so clueless? why did she ignore every sign of danger? y/n shook her shook, trying frantically to think of what to say when she heard the footsteps approaching. jeff walked into the entryway with a pair of tan cargo shorts loosely hanging on his hips. he was beautiful, his dark hair and tanned skin, his eyes, his lips, her eyes wandered down to his toned abs. on any other day, y/n would be quick to pounce on the man, she was still urged to greet him with a kiss even after the newfound news.

“s-stop. stay there.” y/n tried her best not to stutter but nothing could have prepared her for this moment, she wished she would have stayed in the car and driven home but her brain never worked when she wanted it to. y/n held her hand up when jeff ignored her wish, taking a few steps back. “please, jeff.”

“baby, what’s wrong? toddy said you seemed upset.” jeff whispered softly, in hopes of not pushing y/n farther over the edge.

“why didn’t you tell me?” a sob fell through the girl’s lips, a sound jeff swore he never wanted to hear as long as he lived. his mind raked with confusion until he noticed the look hidden in her eyes, his girl was scared of him, practically shaking with fear. how had he let this happen? how did she even find out? 

jeff took a slow stride towards her, putting his hands up in defense. “baby, listen to me-”

“stop! don’t lie to me again, i don’t want to hear any more lies! i want the truth jeff!” y/n shouted, her body simultaneously stood a little taller on her toes until she remembers who she was talking to. y/n went into a frenzy apologizing to jeff, while still keeping her distance but he kept coming closer and she knew this was most likely the end for her. “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry, i-i- please don’t hurt me.” 

jeff froze as he watched y/n break down in front of him, he watched in silence as his nightmares came true. “no, no baby.” he reached a hand out to her cheek, whipping away the tears as new ones took their place. “please don’t say that. i couldn’t even imagine laying a finger on your precious body if it wasn’t to worship every inch. i would never hurt you, ever. okay, y/n, do you hear me? now, tell me who told you.”

y/n sniffled, taking deep breaths at their close proximity. “nora did. she said y-you’d kill me once you were done with me.” her limbs felt numb and hollow, this was all too much. jeff cursed under his breath, looking down as he tried to make any type of connection but he had y/n pretty well hidden. 

“i would never hurt you, i could never hurt you. please, please stop saying that, you’re breaking my heart over here,” he said. 

“but you hurt other people.” she whispered, a lump forming in her throat. “how many people have you killed? how many people's lives have you claimed? what’s to stop you from doing the same to me?” y/n rambled on, asking so many questions, too many questions, pumping more worry into her head. 

“because i love you, goddammit.” jeff shouted, running his fingers through his hair, he watched in horror as y/n flinched away from him, snapping her eyes shut tight, awaiting the blow. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i just wish you’d listen to me. i love you, i really do. i wanted to make you my queen, we would lead together. i promise i was going to tell you.”

y/n shook her head. “whatever made you think i’d want to do that?” before jeff could answer she raised her hand to stop him, y/n had heard enough. “i-i need time, this is all too much.” she stood up slowly and started backing away from the man towards the front door, y/n wanted to bolt away but she didn’t know how he would react to that. by the time y/n made it to the door, she looked back a jeff to see todd’s hands on his chest. her heart broke but if he truly did love her jeff would let her think things through. 

“my dear y/n, i knew i’d be hearing from you soon enough.”

for the few days y/n had been with ricky she started to remember why she broke things off with him in the first place. he was obsessive, power-hungry, an asshole and he wasn’t him. ricky wasn’t jeff and as much as y/n wanted to deny it, she missed him greatly. maybe she was realizing she loves him but her mind couldn’t shake the thought of who jeff really was and how he had lied to her for so long. 

“god, y/n, i told you no one could treat you better than i can and you went ahead and got involved with a fucking psychopath.” ricky ranted, lighting another cigarette before turning to y/n, eyeing her carefully. y/n knew what he was waiting for and that’s exactly why she bit her tongue. ricky wanted y/n to defend jeff so he could spit a thousand more reasons why jeff is a horrible person and she was stupid for leaving him in the first place but she was not giving him the satisfaction. y/n was starting to realize calling ricky in the first place was a mistake, he clearly had gotten worse since she left; he took her phone, won't let her leave the house, monitors all her meals, and even controls what she wears. ricky was sick.

“my sweet doll, you naive, pathetic precious being,” ricky brushed his fingers across y/n’s chin, scowling as she pulls away from his touch. he was right where he wanted to be, he not only had y/n in his clutches but he had something he could use to bring jeff down. “how do you think i know so much about wittek?” he asked bitterly, the name burning his tongue as he spoke. 

y/n's eyes widen in realization. “because you're just like him.” y/n spoke, defeat clear in her voice. while running from one leader she ran straight into the arms of another mobster, she now more than ever she could be back at home cuddled up with jeff on the couch not stuck in a prison with her crazy ex-boyfriend. 

“no!” he shouted, slamming his fist on the wall. “i am nothing like him, i’m so much better. jeff wittek wishes he could be like me, lead like me, own what i have.” his eyes cast down to y/n’s frightened face, a wicked smile gracing his features. this wasn’t the same ricky y/n used to know, he changed, became a violent version of himself. before he had always been obsessive and controlling but never once had he been violent towards y/n or anyone for a matter of fact. 

“you’re sick, ricky!” he would have thought she knew to keep her mouth shut but y/n was never one to bite her tongue. it infuriated ricky that she didn’t fear him the way she feared jeff, when y/n first called him to pick her up her voice was trembling with fear. why wasn’t she scared of him too? he was just as horrible as jeff, so he thought. ricky grabbed y/n’s arm, dragging her to the living room towards the stairs when a voice halted all movement in the room. 

“it’s taking everything in me to not rip your throat out with my teeth.” jeff smirked at the ricky while basking in his frightened appearance. when he finally found out where y/n was, he went out of his mind, doing everything he could to formulate a plan to get her back or away from that psycho. it was supposed to go down two days from now but when jeff got a text from nora he knew he couldn’t wait any longer to retrieve his girl. 

ricky’s mouth opened and closed, he became a stuttering mess as he tried to form words. “h-how? what are you doing here?” he asked, his grip tightening. sure, he was scared shitless- he’d never actually seen or been face to face with jeff fucking wittek -but he wasn’t going to back down just yet, everyone had a weakness and ricky seemed to have found jeff’s. 

a chuckle could be heard from the mob boss. “newbie’s, man.” he mumbled, turning to todd who had a fancy-looking gun pointed at the rookie. “they’re always so naive.” 

nora made her appearance next to ricky, shoving a needle in his neck before he could react. he slipped to the floor, the hand constricting y/n falling swiftly to the ground with the rest of his limp body. she yelped, jumping away from nora and ricky’s body. y/n was sure everyone in the room could hear her heartbeat rumbling in her chest, all eyes were on her and all y/n could do was stare blankly at them. 

“y/n, come on.” nora coaxed the girl over to her side with a warm smile and a desperate expression, jeff narrowed his eyes as he watched the scene unfold. he knew nora wasn’t completely loyal to him or the mob but he didn’t think she would try and take y/n away from him after all he’s done for her. 

“no, y/n come to me!” jeff countered, earning a highly confused look from the girl. jeff sucked in a sharp breath when nora lost her patience and wrapped her arm around y/n, moving her into a chokehold and pointed a gun to her head. both of the guys pointed their guns at the hostage and her capture, nora had officially crossed the line of his mercy and she would not be leaving this building alive. but before jeff or todd could do anything y/n nailed nora in the stomach, grabbed her arm and pulled it back causing her to drop the gun she held onto right into y/n’s awaiting hand. not a second later she hit nora in the head with the butt of the gun, knocking her out cold. 

“god, she was annoying.” y/n muttered, dragging her hand along her throat. when she finally turned to face the boys with a smirk matching their confused and perplexed expressions. “i can tell by the look on your face, you knew, didn’t you.” 

“i prayed it wasn’t true. ignored it because i loved you, y/n.” jeff said, balling his fist at his side. even aiming a gun at his girlfriend felt foreign, it felt wrong, like he was betraying her and himself at the same time. “after your performance i didn’t believe the rumors but i guess that was a lapse in my judgment, huh?”

y/n internally flinched at the jeff’s use of ‘loved’, she wished the could have met in another light, where they were free to fall in love and be normal- rather than stuck in the life of mobs and mafias. “loved? god, jeff, you both were my targets but somehow i’m gonna get on this helicopter only eliminating one.” she explained painfully, her life with the boy she cares for so much a mere spec now, the life she built was years gone with the simple wave of a hand.  “i-i love you too and i won’t kill you, not now at least, baby. i’ll send your regards to my father.” 

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

[ambwkpopreads]

Jaehyun Oneshot

Hello! Heres a little oneshot ive been working on. Its not edited or anything so Im sorry for anymistakes.

WARNING: Its a bit smutty. A bit angsty, and a but fluffy

 It's one thing being the new girl during senior year of highschool, but it's another when the most attractive, popular guy tries to befriend you. Everyone hated you. No more like all of the girls hated you, making your life living hell.

   For years they have been trying to catch his attention. Going to all of his sports games, cheering him on. Making him lunches, giving him gifts. They were jealous at the fact that all you did was walk into school on your first day and he was looking your way.

   During your first month, the death glares and evil eyes got worse and worse. Were they really that surprised to see a colored gal in their school. It couldn't be- you've seen others. Plenty of others, yet they gave you the same look.

   You met a girl named Max. A smaller Korean girl with really long hair, tied half up and half down.  She was a bit shy but she saw how much you were struggling, she just had to help you. You didn't know what was whispering around school, you just had some bad luck at the new school.

   “I'm Max.” She smiles down at you. You were sitting at a picnic bench in the school's courtyard. It was lunch time, sitting outside was better than being watched in the cafeteria.

   “Um, hi.” You were in awe, this girl. She looks at you with a smile on her face. Not the look of death itself.

   “Okay, I'm not usually like this, but I feel very very bad for you.” She plops down across from you and she pulls her bag off of her shoulders. She unzips it and takes out a brown bag with her name in Korean on it. Must be her lunch. “Like yes, Jung Jaehyung is mighty fine, but honestly to target a girl, especially when she's new.” She is talking to herself as she unpacks her lunch. Some kimbap rolls, and a small container of radish kimchi. Wow. that sounds better then this beef stew and rice the school gave.

   “Wait, wait. Jung Jaehyun? Who? That star player?” You ask her, confused. She sighs and sets her food down, looking back at you.

   “Jung Jaehyun is the school's star player. He is the school's heartthrob. Every girl wants him, every guy wants to be him. Do you see what I'm getting at?” She questions. You nod understanding.

   “Right, but what does that have to do with me?” But she just shakes her head.

   “Yah! If you weren't so oblivious then maybe you wouldn't be struggling so much.” She bursts. Before you could fight back, she continued. “Jaehyun has taken a liking to you. And every girl around here is jealous. Even the ones with boyfriends. One main reason is because you are new, so no girl originally in this school had a chance, and that upsets everyone. It's funny really.” She laughs a bit. But you don't find this funny at all, in fact you're pissed.

   “Are you serious right now? My senior year is going to shit because some pretty boy thinks i'm cute? What shit.” You didn't even want to eat anymore.

   “Just cute?” She gives you a big laugh. “It's funny how oblivious you are. I don't understand how you don't see how many times this man had tried to talk to you. Or tried to get your attention. But you just walk away, not fazed at all. Another reason why every girl here hates you. Because they want to be you.” Her words sound crazy as hell. You have never had anyone ever even think you're cute, and now suddenly the most popular boy likes you. No, you wanted to finish your senior year out with no distractions, and the school hating you didn't help your stress levels.

   “That's just fucking stupid.” You yell, sudden memories clouding your brain.

   It's kind of obvious to what he looked like since his sports pictures were everywhere. You noticed him always looking your way, or smiling. Sometimes even waving. But you never paid any attention. You didn't want to wave back and he was actually waving to someone around you. “You like him too?”

   “If I did I wouldn't be sitting here.” She shrugs. “But I will admit, he is one fine piece of-” Her eyes widen at the end of her sentence. Her whole body freezes up as she looks behind you. Then you suddenly felt a presence behind you. You turn around and see Jaehyun himself standing there.

   “Hi, I noticed you weren't eating, and so I wanted to offer my lunch?” He holds it out. Your eyes widen at the dumplings and the Kimbap next to it. There was also a side of Kimchi and sauce.

   “You've got to be shitting me.” You hear Max mumble behind you.

   “You noticed I wasn't eating. You were watching me?” You look over and see him little friend group that he is always sitting at a table just on the other side of the windows dividing the outside from the in. They all quickly look away when they see you looking.

   “Are you playing some game or something?” You question him, his face was really red, and he didn't know what to say. “Every girl in the school hates me because of you. Can't you target someone else?” You let all your frustrations out on him, all the stress you've been feeling lately.

   “What?” He asks, true confusion running across his face.

   “Like you don't know. I don't know if you like me or something, but just stop. I don't want to date someone like you.” You just couldn't stop. Now that you know the reason and he just came and proved it to you, it just pissed you off. You turn away before he could say anything else.

   It was the next week and Max catches up to you.

   “I still can't believe you told him off like that, I would've at least taken the food.” Max keeps going on. She's been telling you forever it feels like how crazy you are.

   “Look, you can keep going on and on, but I don't want a man who is chased by literally every girl. If I get caught up with him, I'll be just like everyone else. Soon fighting for his attention. I'll pass.”

   “You have a point, but-” There's always a but. “Unlike every other girl around here, he is fighting for your attention.”

   Jaehyun never gave up. He always made you lunch, at some point you just gave up on rejecting it and taking it. But then he would be on your ass about wasting so much food. So then you just stopped getting school lunch and eating his.

   There was a point when he wanted to walk you to class. You obviously didn't want him too, but you can't stop him from walking. You complain about the stares you got, the clear shit talk from everyone around you. He just tells you to ignore them, that he gets them all the time.

   You didn't realize that he also did. You got hate from the girls, and he got hate from the guys. Either pure jealousy, or the fact that they wanted to be him.

   You walked into school one Monday. You wouldn't say you were in a good mood. In fact you were highly irritated. Over the weekend, more rumors were made up. “Jaehyun made a bet.” “Jaehyun just wanted to see if he could snag the new girl.” “He knew her from the past, a long lost love or something.”

   You knew not to believe rumors, but seriously if he just stopped, everything would go away.

   You were so not in the mood to deal with him. When you got into school, you realized the first bell already rang, so the hallways were empty. Not to make any more stress for yourself, you were just going to go to the next one.

   You pull your bag closer to yourself and you walk to the library. When you find a small couch closed off a bit from the rest of the library, you do a little happy dance. You sit down and take a deep breath. It feels like this is the first actual silence you've gotten all weekend.

   You had three months left of this bullshit.

   “YN?” His voice comes out of nowhere, breaking your silence. You actually wanted to scream. You wanted to be upset, but you were actually quite happy he was here.

   You've always wanted to think about how good his hugs would be. How warm he would be. You would be lying if you said you hated when he was around. But you could never admit that. Because as soon as you did, he would leave.

   You need him to leave before you get too attached to the idea of him hanging around.

   He walks around to stand in front of you. Your eyes follow him. He was looking at you with a confused and concerned look.

   “What do you want Jaehyun?” You ask. You tried to sound stern, but you just sounded tired.

   “Something is bothering you, so I'm bothered.” He shrugs. He sets his bag down and sits on the floor across from you. You sighed.

   “Why do you do this?” You ask looking over at him.

   “What am I doing?” He asks.

   “Acting like you care? You're always around? You are making my life so much harder that it already was. How hard is it for you to leave me alone?” You felt yourself start to tear up. You didn't want him to leave, you just wanted baggage to go.

   “I told you to ignore them Yn. They won't go away.” He mumbles, ignoring your questions. Or so you thought. He pulls his legs up to his chest a bit. “When you first came here, when I first saw you, it was like I could see everything clearly again. I know what I wanted.” He sighs. “That didn't come out right.” He puts his legs down. “I've seen how your time here has been, I can't stop these people from saying what they want. But I can try and make you feel better. That's why I've been wanting to make you food, I don't want you eating the shitty lunch. I thought maybe small things like that would make your day better.” He was going on, shocking you. “I won't lie, the fact that you didn't like me, just made me like you even more. Everytime I would walk you to class, you would say little things, either to me or just out loud. I don't know, but I realized that you are different then everyone here. You're like a puzzle I want to put together, ya know.”

   Your eyes were huge in the first sentence. You didn't say anything, so he continued getting more and more nervous, he tried his best to show it. He looks at you in the eyes.

   “All the hate you've been getting, has been getting to me to ya know. I don't want all these stupid rumors to make you think any different of me. I want you to have your own impression. If it makes you feel any better. I haven't had a girlfriend since middle school. To focus on sports.” He mumbles the last part.

   Now, out of all your fantasies, you never thought of a confession like this one. You still couldn't get anything out. Say something!

   The bell rings, telling you to start going to your next class. You quickly grab your bag and leave. Leaving Jaehyun sitting there watching you walk away. He clenches his jaw, realizing half of the words he just said.

   “Fuck, now I've definitly scared her off.”

   He left you alone after that. Which you were happy about for the first couple of days. You got to actually breathe, and get your shit together. He was so distracting, but in a good bad way. You were fighting your own feelings at this point. But everytime you give in, you're left in the dust. You didn't want to feel like everyone else either.

   After a couple of more days, you started to get a bit more sad. Because maybe you walking away that day was the worst mistake you could have made. You shouldn't feel the way you did, you wanted this, you wanted him gone. You hated yourself for getting used to him being around. Then again you did technically reject him. So you shouldnt be sad, you should be glad.

   It Friday now, you were making your way to your locker to grab your things for the weekend. Your mom and dad went on a weekend getaway, so that meant that you had to walk home, also meant you had the whole house to yourself.

A whole week with no Jaehyun, it was strange. You didn't even focus on the stares you got anymore, your mind was filled with him, just like everyone else. You were usually the last in the halls, you hated rushing with the crowd. You start walking down the hallway, towards the front door. Suddenly a door on the left opens and out comes Jaehyun. He's looking down at the floor as he's walking. He looks up noticing someone else in the empty hallway.

   It seems like he was just as shocked as you were to see him. But what did you have to say? Nothing. So you keep walking.

   Jaehyun, once again, watches you walk away. He can feel his eye twitch a bit at the similarity of this situation. He walks up behind you and grabs your hand making you stop walking.

   “Are you goi- Can I walk you home?” He fumbles over his words a bit.

   “Sure Jae.” You say without a second thought. He smiles, but then shakes it off. You turn to walk again, but he stops you again.

   “Can we go to my locker first?” he asks. You don't say anything, but nod. He holds his hand out for you to take. You raise your eyebrow at his need for your hand.

   “Please.” He pouts his lip. You sigh and hold his hand, he was quick to lace your fingers together. His smile is big and bright. You quickly look away, feeling your cheeks burn. God his smile was pretty. He takes you to his locker, a little further into the school then yours was. He tries to unlock his locker with one hand. He fails a bit, clearly needing his other hand. You try to pull yours away, but he pulls back, squeezing it a bit. Then all of a sudden, he opened it. He does a little dance, happy that he wasn't struggling anymore. You had to quickly look away.

   Why is it so hard to look at him? Has he always been this pretty?

   You can look but not touch, you remind yourself. As soon as you do, your eyes go to your laced hands. You look back up too see Jaehyun slinging his backpack over one shoulder. He then shuts the locker and looks down at you.

   “Ready?” He asks you softly. When your eyes connected, they were stuck. All you can hear is your heart beating fast, the only thing you could focus on was his bottom lip tucked under his teeth a bit. His black hair was curly a bit, and hanging a little over his eyes. He shakes his head a bit, giving himself a better view, letting his lip go.

   You quickly nod walking forward, pulling him behind since he wouldn't let your hand go.

   The walk took ten minutes. Hand in hand, walking as if you weren't in a rush. Nothing was said, because your mind was filled with a million words.

   Jaehyun was the same. His heart was beating so fast. He has had a rough week. He didn't want to avoid you, but his friends mentioned that giving you space will make the future better for both of you. He thought it made sense. But before this, you were actually opening up to him. You may not have noticed, but now he knows so many little things about you. Like your favorite food, and color. He was getting somewhere, but now you felt cold. You closed the door before he could get a foot in. He could feel it in your hand. It was just hanging there, as he held it tight. There has to be good things coming from this.

   You turn down the final alleyway, making it to the first door you come to. You turn to him wanting to say something. But he beats you to it, holding your hand up and holding it with both of his hands.

   “Before you say anything, I'm sorry.” He breathes out. “I didn't mean to say all of that to you on Monday. I mean I did, but not like that. You were going through something and I just overwhelmed you more.”

   “Jaehyun why do you like me?” You ask him, not sugar coating anything. He frowns a bit, looking down at the ground. He licks his lips.

   “Truthfully, it was when I first saw you. I thought you were so fucking beautiful. Mhm…” He looks up at you. “I really couldn't get you outta my head. Then it got to the point where my heart was beating out of my chest when you came near me. I knew I was in deep when I heard how much I was contributing to making your life hell. It made me sad that you were sad. You didn't have anyone until Max, I tried to reach out but you just brushed me off, expected. I just wanted to show you that I was here for you and no one else.” His eyes bored into yours. His words shocked you to the core. “I'm sorry for not speaking to you all week. Only excuse I have is that I want you to be happy, and I'll do anything to make sure of just that.”

   “Avoiding me for a week doesn't help anything. It doesn't make any sense, how can you just leave so easily if you supposedly like me.” You were getting frustrated. Thankfully there was no one around. “I don't want to give in to you and these stupid feelings I have, just to have you walk away.” Your words made Jaehyun’s heart drop to his ass. He will never listen to his friends again.

   No one says anything for a moment.

   “Feelings?” Jaehyun's voice was soft. Whisper like.

   “I-Just stop being all flirty if you're going to avoid me like you don't know me. My heart can't handle that. I know that I wasn't the nicest to you, but you make me feel so warm and fuzzy-” He cuts off your rambling by raising his hands to your face.

“Please don't get worked up, I promise I won't do that again.” His face was close to yours. His lips grazed yours as he spoke to you. You were trapped between the brick walls and him in front of you. Your body was on fire, your knees felt weak.

You push him away quickly, you take your right hand and beat on the chest of your heart slightly.

“Stop doing that.” You fan yourself. “Being all cute and teasing me like that. I can't take that from you.” You felt out of breath.

Jaehyun looks down at your red burning cheeks. He smiles in awe at you- so fucking cute.

“Either kiss me or don't.” You mumble, not thinking he could hear you. But oh did he. You gave him permission. “Thanks for walking me home.” You could feel his eyes looking down at you. You look back up at him, and pull your hand away. You turn and open the door, before you step in, you look back at him.

“I think-I think it would be best if this is the last time we talk to each other.” You quickly go in and shut the door. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to drown out his voice calling your name. You realized how far deep you are, and you needed it to stop now. You refused to get hurt. Stopping it now, before anything else could happen. It was right.

It was so easy for him to walk away, probably not having a thought about you. All while you couldn't stop thinking of him. This decision might hurt you for a while, but it'll save you in the long run.

Hopefully.

   You go up to your bedroom and call Max on your computer, using facetime. You both talk about how horrible certains classes are. She talks about the recent animes she's been into, telling you to write some down so you can see what she's talking about. You try to laugh along to her ramblings but everything was just off.

“Okay, what happened?” She stops talking about what her dog was eating, and stares at you through her screen, waiting.

“Jaehyun.” You say simply, knowing she wasn't going to stop asking.

“Spill!” She yells, getting excited.

“I-I don't know Max. He pretty much confessed to me twice. And- and I pushed him away.” You blurt, your eyes were already starting to tear up. The fact that Max wasn't saying anything, didn't make anything better. “It's better this way though, I won't get hurt. I refuse to fall for some pretty boy.” You shake your head.

“You are crazy, my friend. You are going to regret this.” She says seriously shaking her head. You were shocked at her words, expecting her to side with you. “Look I'm sorry, but I stand by the truth. I promise you he just got lucky with the look, Jaehyun is the God gifted person. He is one of a kind. There is a reason why he is the school's star student, without him, our school wouldn't have a name.” She rants. The school is pretty small.

   “You need to fix this, I promise you, you will love me forever for convincing you.” She starts again. “You are self sabotaging, and I won't allow it.” She crosses her arms, and nods her head with a pout. Her facial expression makes you smile a tiny bit. You knew she was right, you were literally pushing him away, hurting him in the process of trying not to get hurt. That's not fair. You should at least try.

You really do know how to fuck shit up.

“Now I have to wait until Monday.” You mumble.

“Mhm no you don't. This girl Minji, she's having a party, he usually goes.” She spins around in her chair.

“Absolutely not. Are you kidding me? Everyone hates me.” You instantly shut it down.

“No, she doesn't. She's one of the girls with a boyfriend.”

“Then go with me.”

“EH! NO! I went once, and never again!!” Gosh, she could be so dramatic.

“I think I'm just going to go on a walk or something, take time to think. I can't let this stress me out.”

“You won't be if you just give into your obvious feelings.”

You lay down in your bed, thoughts never stop coming to you. You go through so many emotions as you think about everything. All you wanted is to go back in time. You weren't this type of person, yes you didn't want to hurt, but you also fought back. Deep down you know Jaehyun is an amazing person, but you werent and that was the problem.

You turn your head and take a look at the clock on the side table. It was almost midnight, you might as well sleep at this point.

   The next morning, you make yourself some breakfast and start working on your homework that you had for the weekend. You hated dragging it out and would rather get it done all at once.

   Hours pass when there's a knock on the back door. You frown and look up at the door, Jaehyun's voice pops into your head from him yelling out your name yesterday. You sigh, shaking your head softly wanting the thought to go away. You stand up and walk over to the door. You open the curtain a bit to see who was outside, and too see him there. Your eyes widen and you gasp closing the curtain.

   “Can we talk?” He asks through the door.

   “I'm not even dressed. I'll see you Monday.” You yell through the door. You look down at your pajamas, sweats and a tank top. No bra.

   “Then put some clothes on, I need to talk to you.” His voice was loud enough for you to hear. You sighed, knowing that this was your fucking chance to make the right choice.

   “Well can you wait one second?” You ask.

   “Yes of course,” You hear him laugh a little. You quickly run to your room and put on a sweatshirt. You also brush your hair up and into a ponytail. You washed your face real quick, making sure everything was good. You brush your teeth for the second time this morning.

   You go back and finally open the door. He was still standing there waiting, with a small smile on his face. You were horrified with yourself. He looked so good, with his hair a bit wavy, in an expensive looking knitted sweater. He looked so good out of school uniform. Then there's you, sleeping in on a saturday and looking like a troll while doing homework.

   You let him in, he looks around the room, with his eyes landing on yours as he turns around. You didn't know what to do, say, or where to go. You look down at the table covered in your school work. You walk over to it and start to organize it again.

   “So whats up?” You ask him. Your voice comes out a lot weaker than expected.

   “I refuse to give up-I can't give up.” He speaks softly. The air around you two turned thick. You look up at him, frozen mid paper shuffle. He looks up at you and licks his lips. “I just want to tell you that you don't have to be scared. I promise you that I won't hurt you.” His eyes bore into your. Your cheeks are set ablaze. You look back down, tapping the paper on the table, as if they weren't already neat. So many things you could say back, what to say. His feet walk closer to you. His hand reaches out and he grabs your wrist. He gently takes the papers and tucks them in a book and closes it. He grabs both of your hands, and you couldn't help but to lace your fingers through his. He squeezes your hands with his. He gives you a soft smile.

   Fuck hes so pretty.

   You look down, your whole face now burning.

   He was waiting for you to say something, anything. And you should, he has said so much and you just ran away. But now you can't, you won't.

   “Jaehyun, this is all very foreigne to me. I never was pretty enough to anyone- I was never enough. I'm scared as hell yes, because I've been hurt before, and I refuse to.” No one ever tried this hard.

   “I'm so sorry. You deserve so much, and I want to attempt to give you everything.” One of his hands let go of one of yours, and grabs on to your waist, slowly pulling you closer. You couldn't help but to lean forward and lay your head on his chest softly. You close your eyes and take a deep breath. You wanted to laugh.

   “Jaehyun, you are so good with your words. Practice a lot?” You ask him, teasing. You wonder how many girls he had said this to. But his face confuses you a bit, he looks as if you caught him in the act of something bad. Then he quickly looks away, laughing.

   “Yes actually, all morning.” His words come out soft, they also make your head snap up, looking at him. He then pulls you all the way into his arms. Your eyes roam all over his face. His skin was so perfect, eyes low and dark. His lips, so moist and inviting.

   “You put this ball of light in me, and it keeps growing and growing. Everytime you glance my way, my heart skips a beat. I have goosebumps running down my spine just because you're in my arms. I heard a third time a charm, after this, I'll go if you want me to. But I think that you want this, but you're nervous. I understand, I just need you to understand that I got you baby.” His voice was silky. As he spoke, he got closer and closer. His words ending near your ear. Your eyes roll back a bit as goosebumps prickle your skin.

   What would happen if you kissed him? Would he kiss back? Would he push you away because he didn't want to be kissed?

   Fuck, you really wanted to kiss him. Why the hell not.

   Your right hand raises up to his cheek. Your thumb running over his cheek softly. He stares down at you, letting you do whatever you please. Your hand runs farther, past his ear, deeper into his hair. You pull him closer, and he follows with no hesitation. You don't stop until you feel his lips on yours. It was like a bubble popped and you couldn't stop.

   He pulls away a bit harshly looking down at you. His lips turned red and his hair a bit wild since your hand was all through it.

   Oh no, did you do something wrong?

   He suddenly backs you up a bit. His hands go onto your waist and quickly lifts you and sits you on the counter. You were a bit shook. Did this man just lift you?

   You watch him as he opens your legs a bit and stands between them. He leans in, close to your face.

   “Again.” And he kisses you again. He moans against your lips, sending vibrations from your lips and down. You can tell he tried to take it a bit slow, but you felt as if you had a bit of an advantage. You were positioned higher than him, so you easily laced your fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, making his face look up a bit more. You start to control the kiss, you tongue running across his lips, wanting him to open up. He lets you, easily.

   He has thought about this moment for so long. He dreamed of these lips.    

   As one hand tugs on his hair, the other runs up and around. Damn, why does this feel so good?    You pull away, and you gasp softly for air. His hands grab your waist and he tugs you closer, your crotch lining right up with his. This definitely had you gasping for air. His lips trail down and all over your neck. Sucking and nibbling in different areas. He kept going until he reached a certain spot that made you melt.

   “Jae…” You moan softly into his ear as he marks your skin. He reacts by biting down pretty hard on your neck, but then licking the same area.

   “Can I touch you?” His words were soft, and gentle. But you froze up, and you pulled away. Your body did not want to be away, but your brain wasn't ready to comprehend that. You shake your head, unable to speak because of the previous actions. You shy away, afraid that he would be upset. They always are, then it just makes everything worse. You don't know if you could be rejected by Jaehyun.

   “No, no it's okay.” He grabs your hands in his.

   “I haven't done anything like that Jae, and I clam up everytime someone wants too. I just don't think I'm ready yet.” You mumble looking down at your joint hands. Your heart was beating in your ear. Your nerves were going wild. One of his hands rises, and tilts your head up a little and he kisses you softly on your lips.

   “We don't have to do anything you don't want to.” He smiles at you. He moves a bit, and that's when you notice that he was hard as hell. Then you notice how awkward he was standing, and must be very uncomfortable.

   Now you don't mind touching him…

   “Can I touch you?” You throw his words back at him. His eyes catch yours. You didn't mind doing that, in fact you really wanted to. You wanted to see his face when you made him cum. Your eyes caught him biting his bottom lip. “Is that too much?” You question him, feeling a bit uneasy under his intense stare.

   “Mhm, I go at your pace.” He says deeply. You get down and grab his hand taking him up to your room. You shut your door and take a deep breath. You turn around and put a hand on his chest, wanting to push him down onto your bed. But he grabs your wrist slightly and leans forward. He kisses you softly and gently, he pulls away slowly, and looks down at you.

   “You don't have to do this…” His lips graze yours. One of his hands skim over your cheeks, he looks at you with so much adoration.

“I put you through a lot lately. I want to make up for it.”

“These are enough…” His thumb plays with your bottom lip. You whine a bit, pushing yourself against him.

“Can I touch you now?” You pout, your fingers looping through his belt loop. “I don't wanna pressure you, bu-”

“Please touch me.” He captures your lips in his again. And your hands instantly start roaming everywhere. You lift his shirt up a bit, feeling the ridges on his torso. You groan against his lips. His body was hot, he was hot, everything was hot.

And too good to be true.

You pull away, and push him down onto your bed. He goes to unbutton his pants, but you stop him. You push him some more so that he is now laying down. You lift his shirt a bit, exposing his v-line and more. He leans up a bit, flexing for you. You couldn't help yourself, since he marked you up, it's only fair to do it back. You lean down and attach your lips right above his pants button. His body twitches a bit, not expecting a kiss in that exact area. Your lips send waves of pleasure through his body, and you've barely done anything.

He needed a release so badly, and the fact that you offered, he would've come in his pants right there.

All over his waistline, you leave marks. Big ones too. While doing that, you've managed to unbutton and unzip his pants. They were already pretty low on his waist, making it easy for him to push them down a bit, allowing you to grab him in your hands.

“Hmm.” He moans and you move your hand up and down a bit. He looks directly at you, you make sure you keep eye contact as you go down and give him a couple of kitten licks on the tip.

“Fuck..” He sighs, sounding out of breath. He falls back on the bed, allowing you to proceed.

If a dick could be perfect, it would be his. He was a grower, forsure. One vein running around it, the tip bright red. You wanted to make it shiny with your saliva, you always found pretty cocks to be so aesthetically pleasing.

You started going at it, taking him in as far as you could go. Which in this case, you could take him whole. He reached your max. He was perfect.

You frowned when you realized he was holding back his moans. You let up, stroking him slowly.  

   “Why are you holding in your moan, Jaehyun? I want to hear how good I'm making you feel.” You suck on his tip a couple times, your tongue playing around it.

   “Fuck-I just...I didn't want to be too loud.” His voice laced with moans.

“Don't hold them in, it makes me upset.”  You quickly go back down on him, helping him chase his high. His cries break out and the sudden intenseness. His stomach was feeling tingly.

   “Look at me.” You mumble. He leans up on his elbows and he looks right at you. His face was burning red, and his hair was a mess, from his own hands going through it. He watches you as you take him all the way in. Just the sight of you alone could make him cum.

   His eyes start to roll to the back of his head, his brows frown and his mouth is open wide. He tries to keep his eyes on you. But when you bring a hand up to his ball, he loses it. His hand goes up to your hair and he pushes you down a bit.

   “Fuck, I'm so close, i'm so close. Please… please. I need this, I need you.” He mumbles under his breath as he starts to fuck into your mouth. His words make you moan around him, breaking him.

   “Fuuuuhck.” He falls back on the bed, his body losing control a bit. You don't let up, testing his overstimulation reaction.

   “Holy-holy shit.” His body spazzes a bit. “Keep going and I'll get hard again.” He warns, voice weak. But you let up, knowing your throat was going to be a bit sore. When you swallow everything in your mouth, his body swings up and he kisses you.

   “That-that was amazing.”

“Mhm,” You smile and peck his lips again. You get up and go to your bathroom to quickly run some mouthwash through your mouth. You couldn't help but to wonder what's going to happen next. Was he going to leave? Did he feel awkward now? Were you even as good as he says you are? You look into the mirror, seeing red marks all over your skin. You knew those were going to be darker soon.

You go back to the room, seeing Jaehyun sitting on your bed, looking out the window. You quickly run up to him and push him back. You climb on his lap and put his arms above his head.

“Who allowed you to mark my neck up?” You shake your head down at him, trying to hold back a smile. His surprised face turned into a sly one, he bits his bottom lip and quickly flips you over, so now you were in the exact position, you were just on the bottom. Your hands above your head. With his strength, you could barely move.

“Everytime I see you, I crave you more and more. I can't help but want to just eat you.” He says smiling softly. But his eyes were dark. He leans down and kisses you softly, taking your bottom lip and sucking on it a little. A moan escaped your throat.

“So sweet.” He croaks, before diving down for more of you. You give him as much as you can. You both kiss each other with so much emotion. Showing eachother how much they want this. Saying everything that could never actually be said.

You pull away, everything is hot and tingly again.

“You have to be the strong one and pull away, please.” You capture his lips again, getting your last kiss in. How could you get so turned on from a kiss. He moans against your lips. Letting one of your hands go, he caresses your cheek, pulling away. He hops off and clears his throat. You sit up, in a state of shock. You didn't not expect this today.

“Um, I don't really feel like getting ready for the day. So wanna order some food?” You look up at him. He looks at you with a confused look on his face. “Or if you want to leave, you can do that t-”

“Let's order, I'll pay.” He smiles widely at you.

[dis-easedfairy]

Oink The Stuffed Pig

WARNINGS: Swearing | Mentions of Sex (a dirty joke or two) |

Pairings: Kim Seokjin x Single Dad!Male Reader

Genre: Parent!au, neighbor!au, some angst (just a lil), fluff, humor 

Word Count: 11,838

Summary: Due to complications, M/n moves to a new city with his son. Though struggling, the two grow to like their new lives and new neighborhood, especially Kim Seokjin, their neighbor across the hall who is more than kind. 

A/n: IM ALIVEEEE! I suck at endings so like... my bad. I tried to get this out because I know a few of you were excited for this. Turned out a little more angst than I plan but uh... surprise? Again sorry it took me so long to finish it! 💙☀

I sighed and looked out the window as the train I was in, drove down the tracks. I looked at my watch it was around 7 pm and I knew it was going to be a long night. I looked over to my son, he was happily playing a game on an old phone of mine. I let out a sigh as my eyes trailed down to look at our backpacks on the floor.

I’m sorry we have to go this far.

I leaned forward, opening the side pouch of my backpack to take out my phone. I had muted it days ago and didn’t bother to look at it.

I unlocked it and looked through my messages.

Mom: Okay, just be safe, okay? The both of you.

Dad: remember to secure the new home. it will give everyone a piece of mind

.

Unknown Number: you cant just take him! I said I wanted to work this out!

I rolled my eyes at the last one, deciding just to message my parents since we were more within the city.

M/n to Mom: I found a nice little neighborhood, close to his school and there are some good jobs I can get for the time being, just until I save up a bit. We’ll be safe. Don’t worry too much.

M/n to Dad: I had a security system kit sent with some of our stuff. I’m going to go to the store tomorrow to look for tougher screws for the doors. We have a balcony so I have to figure something out! Safety is my second priority!

“Who are you talking to?” I heard my son’s small voice ask.

I looked over to him, his eyes were big, full of curiosity as he lifted himself up in order to look at the screen. I only smiled.

“Your grandparents.” He gave me a small pout.

“Why the pout?” I asked with a sad chuckle, “…Expecting someone else?” I asked dejectedly.

I swore I saw his eyes twinkle, “Aunt Hyejin!” My heart dropped to my stomach.

I tore my eyes away from his, prepping myself to lie, “Ha… Aunt Hyejin… she…” Oh god, what would be a good lie to tell him?

I glanced back at his perfect brown orbs, stabbing into me for an answer.

“A… Aunt Hyejin is not herself right now. So… I can’t talk to her right now, okay?” I wasn’t lying, but it sure in the hell felt like I was.

I could see the sadness enter his eyes, as well as those same eyes water. My eyes widened as I quickly held my hands up as if he were now holding a weapon to me.

“But why?” He asked, his voice sounding very upset.

“Junseok-ah, it’s complicated. BUT you’re going to make new friends and have your own room!” I tried to sway my son.

“I don’t want new friends I want Aunt Hyejin!” He was now crying, I grimaced.

I looked around the empty train car almost frantically, as to search for something to get my son to stop crying. I let out a heavy sigh.

“Listen, Junseok-ah, stop crying. Some people aren’t going to be in your life for the rest of your life. Some people have their own lives to live, some care dearly about you, and some will care only for themselves. It has nothing to do with your personality or who you are as a person. Aunt Hyejin… I have a feeling she only cares for herself right now. And right now, I have to care about you, and you have to care about yourself right now too.” That probably made no sense to him.

Oddly enough my son only nodded his head, using his sleeve to wipe his tears, I offered him a small smile.

“Don’t worry, I got us a place to stay and you have your own room!” Which I have no Idea how I’m going to pay for it.

“We live near a school you’ll be going too!” Some of your new teachers think I’m irresponsible for moving so late in the year and hate me already.

“I’m getting a new job, so new cool things!” You might not get anything good for your birthday if it's a low-paying job.

“Our new home is in a nice neighborhood with lots of kids so you’ll make friends.” You’re more extroverted than me and the families will more than likely hate me.

“It’s a little far from grandpa and grandma, but this is a better life!” I’m scared.

“…Okay. Can we get something to eat before we go to our new house?” He asked softly.

I nodded, not wiping the smile off my face, “We’ll get whatever you want. Just don’t be sad or scared. Just know that I love you with all my heart. Forever.”

Junseok sniffled a bit and moved closer to wrap his arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him onto my lap to keep him closer. I could feel him relax in my hold as I moved my hand to rub his back.

“We have reached Hoehyeon Station.”

“So how have you settled in?” My friend Jeongguk asked, he was the one who convinced me to move to Seoul.

I could hear my son let out a scream as he ran around with a plushie pig toy and a Spider-Man toy, a throw blanket tied around his neck as a makeshift cape. I soon then heard a bump and something clatter to the floor. I was unpacking a box on the kitchen counter, taking out glasses and plates.

I let out a heavy sigh, “As settled as we can be I gue-,”

“NO! NO! NO! NO!” I could hear my son shout, making me snap into action as I threw everything I was holding down and ran to his voice.

He was in my bedroom, the window open and him half hanging out.

“Junseok! What are you doing!?” I demanded, running over to yank him away from the open window.

“I dropped Oink! I have to get him!” My son protested as I threw him over my shoulder to stop him from squirming out my grip.

“You won’t get anything besides a trip to the hospital hanging out the window like that!” I scolded, sitting him on my bed.

I pulled back to see his tear-filled eyes. I let out a deep sigh, “If I tell a friend of mine to look after you, will you behave while I look for Oink?” I can’t believe I was going to search in an ally for a stuffed pig.

Junseok quickly nodded his head, almost desperate to get his oldest friend back.

“Fineeee.” I groaned, walking back to the kitchen to get my phone.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I grumbled, moving a trash bag out the way as I tried to look for a bright pink stuffed pig.

I let out a growl of frustration, “Where are you, you little bitch?” I grumbled, trying to think of new places to look.

I looked at my watch and sighed, I was in a hoodie and jeans but it was only getting colder as the sun was no longer in the sky. It was close to 11 pm and I didn’t want to spend all night looking for a stuffed animal. My son cherished that stuffed pig since it was his first stuffed animal but was it really worth it?

Yes, it was. My son loved it so I will find it.

I groaned at myself, kicking a trash bag and going back to looking for the lost pig.

I was ready to give up thirty minutes later until I saw pink fuzz that looked familiar. I quickly moved whatever was in the way and yanked the pig up into my view.

“Fuck yesss!” I chuckled in satisfaction as I began to dust off and examine the pig.  

I frowned when I noticed how flat and lumpy it was, it was less to it being dropped out a window, and more about the years of washing, drying and laying on it.  

“Mmm, you need a good stuffing, huh?” I asked the pig, examining it more for rips or stains.

“…Uhhh…” I heard a voice draw out behind me.

I immediately spun around to face the person. A man, he was a little taller than me, wearing a white sweater, dark sweatpants, and white shoes. He had broad shoulders and had the most handsome face I’ve ever been blessed with ever seeing. His eyes were wide as he held onto a trash bag, his eyes dropped to see the flattened stuffed pig and he let out a breath of relief with a chuckle.

“I…” He let out a very unique laugh that tumbled from his rose-colored plush lips, bending over, “I thought… Oh my god…” He tried to speak but only laughter came out.

He looked fairly young but I had no idea how I was supposed to address him, “S-Sir? Is something funny?” I asked, praying he wasn’t some guy who lost his mind and planned to murder me in an ally after I spent an hour and a half looking for a stupid stuffed pig.

He held up one finger as he continued to laugh. I assumed it was to give him a minute so I did.

“You have to understand,” He began, trying to catch his breath, “I just heard your words and saw your back and nothing more!” I saw red begin to bloom in his cheeks.

I tilted my head slightly in confusion. He took my confusion as the go-ahead to explain which he only did in few words, with a smirk.

“Fuck yes? You need a good stuffing?”

It slowly clicked together as heat began to rush to my face and embarrassment washed through me.

“I-I was just talking about a stuffed animal!” I raced to explain, which only made him cackle more.

“Wait! No! I’m not fucking the stuffed animal! That sounded wrong!” The man was now leaning against the building, trying not to fall to the ground from laughing so hard.

“M-My son dropped this out the window, he can’t sleep without it.” I explained nervously.

The man straightened up, trying to gain his composure, “You’re a dad?” He asked breathlessly.

I know I’m ‘too young’.

“Yeah. He’s four… This is an awkward way to meet… We just moved in today.” I gave the man a small smile.

He looked surprised, “Really? Nice to meet you! I’m Kim Seokjin!” He introduced himself happily, moving to shake my hand.

“L/n M/n.” I informed, shaking his hand.

“Welcome to the neighborhood, hopefully, there are no more… misunderstandings.” He joked.

I felt a wave of heat travel to my face again, “I hope not.” I agreed with a nervous giggle.

Seokjin opened his mouth as if he was going to say more but as interrupted by my screeching friend.

“M/N! WHAT IS OUR SON’S FIXATION WITH THE TOILET!? HE TRIED TO FLUSH MY PHONE!” Jeongguk shouted out the window.

Well, that was a nice moment…

I let out a deep sigh, “Sorry, I have to head back up. I’ll talk to you soon, Seokjin?” I questioned.

He nodded, seeming at a lost for words. I frowned a bit. He was so open a few moments ago. I walked past him, giving him a small wave as I began to jog back into the building.

I ran to one of the two elevators and pushed my floor number. Using the time to think of what jobs I could apply to and how to make sure ‘Aunt Hyejin’ didn’t come to visit my son while he was in school.

The ding of the elevator broke me from my thoughts and I went to my apartment door. Before I could dig in my back pocket for my keys, my door flung open to reveal my friend Jeongguk.

“He keeps flushing things in the toilet. You lost a roll of toilet paper. ” My friend informed me, crossing his arms, looking upon me in judgment.

“He’s acting out because he wasn’t very excited about coming here…” I notified, rubbing the back of my neck with the hand that wasn’t gripping the stuffed animal.

Jeongguk sighed. I could hear another ‘ding’ but took it as the elevator I got off of closing it’s doors and going back down.

“I know he’ll like it here, you will too. Did…” Jeongguk looked down, biting his bottom lip as he chose his next words carefully.

“Did Hyejin know where you were going? I don’t think it’s a good idea if she knew where we live.” Jeongguk voiced apprehensively.

“Don’t worry about her. I just told her I was leaving town. She tried to tell Junseok that he could stay at her place if he didn’t want to go.” I stated bitterly.

“Are you fucking with me? She literally doesn’t quit does she!?” Jeongguk scoffed, anger beginning to radiate off of him.

I shook my head, “I was just wondering how we would get him to school without her finding him.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widened, “Do you think she’d go school hunting!?”

“I wouldn’t put it past her.” I grunted bitterly.

Jeongguk let out a frustrated sigh, leaning on the doorframe and pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers. After a few moments, Jeongguk looked up, sadness and sympathy in his eyes. He reached out, grabbing the collar of my hoodie and pulled me into a hug. He wrapped one arm around my waist and his other hand was in the middle of my back. He let out a long exhale as he began to rub my back. I wrapped my arms around him, fully accepting the comfort in my friend’s embrace, even going as far as to bury my face in his shoulder.

“We’ll figure this out together, M/n. I’ll introduce you to some friends of mine, we’ll settle you in, get you a job and support you for as long as you need, okay?” Jeongguk promised.

I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, knowing I wouldn’t do this alone. I was prepared to do it alone, but I knew Jeongguk wouldn’t let me. He was my best friend. I really counted on him and he counted on me.

The comforting resolve was disrupted by the sound of a flushing toilet.

Jeongguk let out an irritated growl. Jeongguk yanked away to turn to look into the apartment.

“WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE TOILET!?” Jeon demanded, grabbing my arm and dragging me into the apartment with him.

I made a wild grab to close the door behind us, trying to fight Jeongguk’s tight grip. I pushed the door closed and Jeongguk let me go, deeming me as the reason he couldn’t move fast enough to scold my son. I only chuckled, moving to the kitchen to throw the stuffed animal in the washing machine.

“YAH! NO SON OF MINE WILL FLUSH IRON MAN DOWN THE TOILET!” I rolled my eyes at Jeongguk’s words.

I could hear my son whine a response as I set the washer to quick wash. I heard footsteps and turned to see Jeongguk holding an armful of toys.

“Uncle Gukkie!” My son whined, trailing after him.

“No! You can’t have these back until you learn how to treat them right.” Jeongguk huffed, dropping the toys in an empty box and swiftly picking it up so Junseok couldn’t snag a toy back.

“Why all his toys?” I chortled.

They both looked over at me, my son with pleading eyes and my friend with the eyes of determination.

“Because our son needs to know what ‘stop’ and ‘don’t do that’ means.” He asserted.

“Stop calling him ‘our son’, people will get the wrong idea.” I giggled, moving to get the detergent.

“No! I’m helping you raise this brat, so he’s my son too!” I shrugged my shoulders. Fair enough.

“Any ideas for dinner?” I asked, starting the washer.

“Daddd!” Junseok whined in complaint of me not defending his toys.

I just knew Jeongguk made up his mind and I mostly agreed with him.

“We’ll order take out for now. Tomorrow we’ll have a better plan, we might be a little too busy for a sit-down meal though.” Jeongguk smiled, happy I wasn’t fighting him.

I nodded in understanding, “We’ll have to get some kind of ‘we are new to the neighborhood, don’t mind the screaming’ gift.”

“I think we’ll be fi-” Junseok cut Jeongguk off by jumping up and grabbing the edge of the box.

Junseok yanked down, causing the box to rip and toys spill out.

“JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!? I said you don’t get these back until you learn how to treat them!!” Jeongguk began and ‘our son’ began to argue back.

“I’m thinking baked goods.” I sighed.

“Jeongguk, you…” I growled, holding one end of the entertainment center as Jeongguk held the other.

“You what!? Finish your sentence!” Jeongguk challenged, stopping in the middle of the entrance.

“You soggy piece of toast! Stop pushing me! You’re making me lose balance!” I snapped.

“You’re so fucking slow!” He clapped back.

“You’re so fucking impatient!” Thus the best friend bicker began.

Soon it wasn’t even about the stupid entertainment center, it wasn’t anything too harmful, just us venting out the stress of the day, per usual. We even set down the entertainment center to argue better.

“NO ONE EVEN LIKES THAT RAMEN SO WHY WAS THAT ONE ON SALE?”

“MAYBE BECAUSE NO ONE GOT IT SO IT WAS GOING TO EXPIRE!”

“THAT MUST HAVE BEEN IT!” After a few minutes of this, we finally drew some breath.

“Okay, now we can get back to work.” Jeongguk exhaled.

I have a quick glance around, “Uh… where is Junseok?” I asked blankly.

Jeongguk quickly spun around to face the living room, “He WAS on the couch!??”

Jeongguk and I slowly met eyes as the realization dawned on us. My best friend and I jumped into action.

“CALL THE POLICE!” Jeongguk shouted as he ran at the door.

As soon as the door opened I could see the door across the hall slightly ajar. This led me to think that my son got curious as to what the door was because he’s never lived in an apartment before.

I tried to grab onto my best friend’s shirt to stop him but he was already out the door and down the hall to the stairs before I could say anything. I heard him shove the door open to the stairway and take off. I sighed, wishing he would’ve saved me the effort of having to call him.

I hesitantly closed my apartment door and made my way to the door across the hall. I lightly pushed open the door, caution pulsing through my veins. I could hear bad playing of a guitar flood the nice-lit, comfy apartment.

“Don’t go too hard on the strings or they will break.” I heard a familiar male voice softly instruct.

The air smelled like muffins and I could hear the sound of a tv. I entered the apartment as quiet as I could, taking off my shoes and taking a deep breath. I raised my hand up and tapped my knuckles on the wall beside me.

“Come in!” A cheerful voice chimed, making the place seem even more inviting.

I stepped forward out the entryway to round the corner. My son was sitting on the floor, holding a guitar WAY too big for his body. His tongue was sticking out, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to focus on the cords he was strumming.

The man I met in the ally, Seokjin, was sitting on the chair with the stuffed pig on his lap. The pig was plushier than before. I assumed Seokjin restuffed the animal since he had a sewing needle in hand, mid-tug of the thread. Seokjin’s eyes seemed to widen at my arrival.

“I’m sorry if he interrupted your afternoon. He was on the couch one moment then he was gone the next.” I apologized, bowing my head in remorse.

“That’s okay! He hasn’t caused me any trouble.” Seokjin assured me.

I lifted my head up, “Really!? He’s been bratty since we arrived.” I was dismayed. My son listened to a complete stranger more than me!?

Seokjin’s plush lips pulled into a smile, “Yes. Your son has been well behaved!” Seokjin grabbed the scissors and snipped off the extra thread from the pig. Seokjin stood up, a new aura around him that was ignored by my son as Seokjin seemed to strut up to me.

“If you feel that bad about interrupting my afternoon, you can treat me to a better one this week?” Seokjin implied, his eyes whirling with confidence.

I almost choked on air. Did my attractive neighbor just ask me out?

“I… Well…” I was at a loss for words.

Seokjin’s small smile turned into a bigger one, almost cocky, “How about tomorrow? Here. At six.” He tempted, one of his hands moving up to fix my shirt. I’m pretty sure he could feel my heart going faster than it’s ever gone before.

Seokjin’s eyes playfully cast up, awaiting my response.

“So what did you tell him?” Jeongguk asked, getting himself a glass of lemonade and leaning against the kitchen island I was currently sitting at. Head in my hands as my body burned with humiliation. Junseok was on the couch, too emersed in his game to understand how badly I ruined myself.

“I shouted ‘I’m gay’ and ran out.” I grumbled.

Lemonade shot out from Jeongguk’s nose, spraying out onto the countertop. My eyes widened and I jumped up to get him some paper towels, grabbing a few myself to catch the liquid that threatened to ruin the floor. Jeongguk grabbed the paper towels and held them up to his face as he began to cough and sputter. I swore I heard slight chuckling in the distress.

“I-I don’t… I don’t think that line works in THIS scenario…” Jeongguk coughed as he moved his cup to the sink, having no desire to have lemonade again any time soon.

“I panicked!” I tried to defend myself.

“Do you want to go on a date with him?” He inquired.

I threw my hands up, “I don’t know! I hardly even know the guy!”

My best friend rolled his eyes, “Well, you won’t know him anytime soon with you shouting ‘I’m gay’ while running out his apartment like he was asking you if you knew his lord and savior Jesus Christ.” Jeongguk smirked.

“I didn’t say ‘I’m gay’ while running out! I said it then ran out. Get your shit straight, Jeon.” I dropped back down to my seat with a pout. I leaned forward, dropping my head so my face was against the cold countertop, groaning in defeat and embarrassment.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Jeon tried to refrain from smiling, but was failing horribly, “I shouldn’t tease you about this. Maybe go over, see if the offer stands and if he was serious. He came on a little strong. You never know, he might be as freaked out as you.”

My head lifted up and my eyes filled with hope. “Will it be that easy? You think so?” I asked in ease.

“No. He definitely thinks you’re weird and probably has another date set up in your spot. When you get there tomorrow, you’ll be interrupting his date.”

There were a few moments of silence as my expression fell and his lifted.

“I hope that lemonade burned your nose.” I muttered, laying my head back on the island.

"But Uncle Jeonnnn." My son whined from the kitchen island the next day, after a busy morning.

"No. I said we'd get ice cream AFTER you put away all your toys." Jeongguk asserted, lightly kicking the large box of toys that had been taped up from being ripped.

I only shook my head as I loaded the fridge with groceries.

"But I already cleaned my room, helped dad in the kitchen and helped you!" My son bargained.

"He has been helping a lot today, Jeon," I informed with a small smile.

Jeongguk's head snapped to face me, betrayal written in his eyes, "Who's side are you on!?"

I let out a sigh. I had two toddlers now.

"I'm not picking a side. Junseok, he said after you put your toys away. But Jeongguk, you can't discredit the work he's put in today without being a brat or complaining once. " I resolved.

My best friend pouted, deep in thought. He then turned to my son.

"How about we get junk food and play video games for an hour as your reward?" Jeon suggested, making my son's eyes light up.

"Good, because I don't want to go back on my word. You only get ice cream when you put away your toys. Go get ready." Jeon chuckled.

My son jumped up and rushed to his room quickly as if Jeon would change his mind in under thirty seconds. Jeongguk stood next to me to open the fridge for a bottle of soda.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? I know you said you wanted to help, but I don't want you to be doing all this because you feel obligated to." I frowned.

Jeongguk raised his eyebrow and swallowed, "M/n? I'm only taking him to the convenience store and back?"

"That's not it, " I rolled my eyes, "You've helped me mostly unpack, arrange the apartment and even took a week off from work to get us settled in. You've given a lot in the past few days."

It was then my best friend's turn to roll his eyes, "Seriously? Friends help friends move. And BEST friends arrange your fucking apartment for you because you don't have your shit together. If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't show up. You and your son deserve some happiness right now, so if I have to call another customer service line to help me set up a shelf, I fucking will."

I smiled at how much determination filled his eyes. "You didn't have the right tool, like a dumbass," I recalled, trying not to cackle.

"The manual said I didn't need a hammer!" He snapped.

"Your voice got a little offended there. Did I hit a nerve?" I teased.

"Know what? Fuck you, " Jeongguk stated dramatically as he put down his soda and began to stride out the kitchen, "I'm leaving you! I'm going to stay with my parents and I'm taking our son with me!" He ranted as he walked into the hall.

I chuckled, shaking my head as I moved back to stock up the kitchen. After I loaded the pantry I looked around for the box with the plates. I walked more into the living room to examine the stacked boxes by the door but didn't find any more boxes for the kitchen. I frowned.

"Hey, Jeongguk?" I called rotating boxes, hoping I read them wrong.

"Yes?" He called back from my room.

"Do you know where the last box for the kitchen is?"

"Check the hall! There are a few boxes out there that just got delivered!" In the hall!?

I shook my head in judgment and walked to the front door and out into the hall. Sure enough, to the left of my door were two stacks of boxes, four boxes high. I jogged back into the apartment to get my box cutter off the kitchen counter and ran back out to get to work on opening the last kitchen box that conveniently sat on the top of the first stack.

After I cut the tape open, I retract the blade in the box cutter and shoved it in my front hoodie pocket for easy access. I opened the box and took out a plate to examine it for any damages.

I could hear Jeongguk and my son talking as they entered the living room, then the entryway to pull on their shoes.

"Off to get junk?" I asked, checking other plates.

"Yes! He even dressed himself." My eyes widened at my best friend's words, making me spin around to face my mismatched son.

He had on red pants, a white T-shirt, green converse, a pink hat, and a yellow zip-up hoodie.

"...Junseok...Why?" I wasn't disappointed or judging, just confused.

Junseok shrugged, "It's comfortable."

"I mean, at least that's what matters." I gave him a warm smile.

Jeongguk reached in his back pocket, "He's adorable, I should take a picture." Jeon froze.

"Fuck! I forgot my phone. Wait here, Seok." Jeon gave my son two quick pats on the head and dashed inside.

My son and I gave each other and look then shifted our gazes to the apartment to give my best friend a judgemental look he couldn't see. Once Jeongguk came back, he took my son's hand and gave us both a big bunny smile.

"We're off!" He announced, puffing out his chest.

"To see the wizard?" I teased.

"Off what?" My son questioned.

Jeongguk deflated, "Let's just go." He grumbled as I held back a chuckle.

"Bye, Dad!" Junseok happily waved and began to drag my best friend down the hall.

"I'll grab you the usual!" Jeon quickly told me as my son dragged him to the elevators.

I giggled, shaking my head. I turned back to the boxes and lifted up the kitchen one. I took the box into the kitchen, setting it down on the island and made my way back out to the hall. I grabbed the top box on the second stack, turning it to get a better look at what I had written on the side of it.

As I was checking I could hear footsteps behind me. I smirked, figuring it was my friend forgetting something, "Forgot your wallet now, Jeon?" I teased, turning around.

I was met with someone who wasn't Jeongguk.

Seokjin was looking down at the floor. It looked like he had been biting at his lips and his hands were shoved in his pocket.

"Hello, M/n..." His voice was awkward and I didn't expect it from the man who was so confident and straightforward yesterday.

"Seokjin! Hi! How is your day so far?" I asked just as awkwardly.

There were a few moments of uncomfortable silence. Seokjin let out a groan of frustration as he pulled his hands out his pockets and lifted his gaze.

"I wanted to apologize!" He stated, his chest seeming to puff up.

I pressed my lips together in an effort to not smile, "Apologize for what?"

"I came on too strong yesterday." -Seokjin looked down at the floor again- "You had barely met me and I thought if I made an impression, you'd be as interested as me. I talked to my friend about it and he called me a dumbass. I understand why though. You and your boyfriend seem to be happy together and have a son an-" I raised one finger up as I let out a small giggle of disbelief.

I knew it was rude to interrupt but I just had to.

"Y-You... You think Jeongguk and I are boyfriends?" I held back laughter.

His eyes widened slightly, seeming even more embarrassed, "Are you not??"

"Jeongguk is my best friend, he has a habit of calling my son 'our son' because he's been around him since birth and helped me a lot with raising him. I feel nothing but platonic feelings for Jeongguk and he feels the same. We're like brothers." I explained, a smile on my face.

So Seokjin was a softie. I should've guessed.

"I... I could've sworn... Well, that makes sense!" Seokjin threw his hands up and groaned, turning around so his back was to me and put his face in his hands.

"Seokjin? If the offer still stands I would love to go on a date with you. I just don't know if I can do it tonight." I smirked, feeling bolder now that I knew he was as awkward as me.

"I'll admit you DID make an impression. You made me so flustered I told you I was gay and ran." I added light-heartedly.

I heard Seokjin let out a small laugh and saw his shoulders shake a bit.

I pressed my lips together, thinking of how to make this situation less awkward.

“Would you like to have a drink with me? I’m kinda tired and need a break.” I smiled.

Seokjin nodded, only moving when I began to walk into my apartment.

“Woww!” He exclaimed in awe.

“What is it?” I asked, spinning around, full of fear.

“Your apartment looks so clean!” I let out a breath of relief.

I thought he found something bad. Like my son leaving a half-eaten sandwich on the floor or even Jeongguk forgetting my underwear on the couch because he insisted that he do laundry today.

Glad it wasn’t anything bad, I strolled to the kitchen to serve us glasses of lemonade. Seokjin looked around a bit before making his way into the kitchen.

“So, who’s your friend with the blunt advice?” I giggled, lifting my glass to my lips.

Seokjin smiled, “Yoongi. He goes back and forth between staying at my apartment and our friend Hoseok’s apartment. The day I did that was the day he was at Hoseok’s. He said I was like a toddler who he couldn’t leave alone.”

“Jeongguk says the same thing. He teased me endlessly for what I did,” I chuckled.

“Well, now we’re having a conversation like adults.”

“More like teenagers, because we’re having lemonade awkwardly.”

“Adults awkwardly drink lemonade too!” I laughed, only shaking my head.

“How old are you anyway? I want to say you’re my hyung, but the way you act contradicts that.” Seokjin pressed his hand to his chest in fake offense.

“I’m 26!”  

“So you’re a goofy hyung.”

“And you’re a rude dongsaeng!” Now it was my turn to be offended.

“How so!?”

“You should’ve asked my age when we met!”

“Well, I’m sorry I was distracted!”

“I know I’m handsome but please have manners!” My face pretty much heated up the whole room.

“It’s because Jeongguk shouted out the window! Then the second time you cornered me!” I defended my honor as best as I could.

“Ahh, I knew my handsome face affected you.” He smiled playfully, shifting his hand to blow me a kiss.

“…I will kick you out of my apartment.”

Seokjin let out a laugh, “Why?”

“Because you’re backing me into a corner!”

“If it makes you feel any better, I think you’re handsome too.”

“…Where is Yoongi-hyung when you need him.”

“Yah! Why do you automatically call him hyung and not me!?”

“Because I learned my lesson!”

“Why didn’t you learn it before me!?”

“…I’m sorry, Hyung. I’ll do better next time.”

Seokjin smiled bigger, “Ah,” He clutched his chest, his face scrunching a bit like he was touched and proud, “what a respectful young man I’m raising you to be.”

“…I’m kicking you out.”

Over the next few days, Seokjin and I would wave to each other and sometimes he would knock at my door just to hang out. Jeongguk and Junseok seemed to really like him. It wasn’t long before I gave him my number so he could just text me when he would come over so I could just leave the door unlocked and so we could talk more.

If he wasn’t complimenting himself or me over text he would be giving me horribly good dad jokes.

I settled in easily and got a job working at Jeongguk’s ‘assistant’ since he worked as a camera operator. I was supposed to be as qualified as him, but what ends up happening is him teaching me how to work the camera and then him judging me when I fuck up. I am getting better, and I’m happy to have my best friend working with me.

After work is usually when Seokjin invites himself over. Since Jungkook and I are mostly attached to the hip, we pick up Junseok and all go home to my apartment together, so we make a ton of noise.

I needed to clean my apartment and go shopping one day, so Seokjin agreed to watch Junseok. I thought he would mind at first but he said he ‘would be honored to teach this young man his ways’ if I just promised that I would feed him dinner too… I wasn’t sure if I should’ve left him with Seokjin…

I had Seokjin stay at my now clean apartment while he watched Junseok since it would be easier. It was just Seokjin and Junseok since Jungkook had to go back to his own apartment to clean up.

I looked at the two bags of chips, one was ‘original’, meaning salt and a ton of grease and other one was octopus flavored. Since I haven’t tried the octopus flavored chip, I figured ‘what the hell’ and dropped them both in my basket.

“Old habits never die huh?” I heard making me freeze.

Please don’t be her.

I spun around and felt my blood boil, “Hyejin, what the actual fuck are you doing here?”

She gave me an awkward smile, “It’s nice to see you too.”

“Drop the crap, what do you want.”

“You just leaving was cruel. He’s my son too.” I narrowed my eyes at her, fighting every urge not to explode in a semi-busy store.

“You wanted nothing to do with him because it inconvenienced your ‘perfect life’. So you can fuck off with that. You literally delivered him, then handed him to me and never even visited until a few months ago. ”

“Because I regretted my decision.”

“Because the party was over. The people who ‘knew you better than me’ decided you were expendable.”

She sighed, “Stop being so mean!”

“Stop pretending like you came to this decision yourself and like you actually give a fuck.”

“What makes you think that I don’t!?”

“What’s the name of Junseok’s pig?”

There was silence. I sighed at her look of panic. Maybe I was too harsh, but I didn’t want MY son to be hurt by an unreliable person who only cared about themselves.

“Listen,” I began, looking down at my hands, trying to think over my words, “We used to have something and I didn’t plan on having a son so soon. You basically took matters into your own hands and forced this on the both of us. You had him, then handed him to me and never even looked his direction. I moved here to start over with him. So he wouldn’t hear stories of his mother at least for now. You left us both. You can see where I’m coming from can’t you?”

I looked up at the end of my rant to see her fuming.

I guess she couldn’t see where I was coming from.

“You can’t just pick up and start over without me! I’m his mother!”

“A mother doesn’t give her child up for partying and people who don’t care about anyone or anything.”

“Stop bringing my friends into this! It’s YOUR fault!”

I let out an annoyed sigh. This was going nowhere.

“You’re obviously not mature yet. Please leave me and MY son alone. I would consider you visiting my son if you grew up a little bit because you obviously haven’t learned anything. He starts school soon, and if I see or hear of you stalking him there or waiting at the fucking gates, so help me I will get every lawyer I can get my hands on to MAKE you stay away. So I’m politely telling you to go fuck yourself.” I grabbed another bag of chips and began to push past her.

“You can’t take my son from me!” She yelled as I walked away.

“I didn’t! You handed him over!” I called back, trying to walk away in fucking style.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Hyejin on the elevator ride up to my apartment.

Maybe I WAS too harsh.

Or maybe she was too stubborn to take a fucking hint.

I kept wondering if there was a compromise we could come to or if something was wrong with my logic.

I was afraid she’d get bored like before then leave again. Play nice for a few weeks then leave.

I didn’t want someone like that in my son’s life but she was right, she was his mother and she had rights.

What if I DID have to involve the law?

What if they decided that I shouldn’t get my son?

What if it all went downhill because I was too stubborn to just let her see him??

What if I DID let her see him and she took him from me??

I was so stuck in my thoughts that I didn’t notice that I got out the elevator and shoved open my front door.

I didn’t snap out of it until I heard a male scream. My head snapped up to see Seokjin leap from the couch and frantically look around for something to defend himself. After finding nothing he, for some reason, settled on Oink who was laying on the couch, cocking his arm back like he was going to throw it at me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa it's just me!" I held my hands up in front of me- "Put. The. Pig. Down!"

"You don't just walk into a man's home!" Seokjin scolded, shaking the pink stuffed pig at me in a demonstration of dominance.

“It’s MY apartment!”

“It was MY territory before you entered!”

“Like hell it is! I pay the bills!”

“I babysit and grace this place with my looks! Now tell me who REALLY provides for this family!”

As much as I tried to fight it, that made me smile. Despite me being too stressed and worked up to focus when I walked in, Seokjin made it all melt away in a matter of moments.

It was like 10 tons was lifted from my shoulders.

I sighed, letting my body relax, “You, Seokjin.” I smiled tiredly as I walked over to him.

He looked a little shocked at my words, still holding his guard up as I threw my arms around him to pull him into a thankful hug.

“You provide for this family more than you know.” I spoke, letting the silence hang in the air.

Then too much silence. It was only a few seconds of silence but it seemed like minutes. I was considering apologizing and pulling away, but I felt Jin wrap his arms around my waist and pull me closer.

It was now peaceful, comfortable, and reassuring silence.

It wasn’t like a hug with Jeongukk. Though it was filled with love and comfort, it felt like that but so much more.

I could feel my emotions pool in my chest and threaten to spill out. All from a simple hug.

“…I’m lost.” I admitted, hiding my face into his well-built shoulder.

Seokjin let out a small sigh, his arms tightening around me, “I’ll always be here to guide you.” He seemed to promise in a soft tone.

Maybe I could be willing to let Seokjin into my life more than I already had.

It really wouldn’t be so bad to let Seokjin be the person he wanted to be to me… Would it?

“So…about that date.” I began.

“Remember not to put the glass pitcher in the front of the fridge!” I called to Jeongguk as he was sat on the floor with my son.

I could hear their loud game continue, letting me know that they were far from listening. Their bowls of noodles sat behind them on the coffee table, untouched as they numbed themselves to the gaming world,

“Yah! Eat your food!” I snapped, making Jeongguk roll his eyes with an annoyed groan.

“Fine, MOM. We’ll eat.” He sassed, tapping my son’s side to get him to turn to the table.

I could hear a soft knock on the door that made me rush over to it. I pulled open my door, ready to tell Jin to just come in because I needed to wait for my socks to get out the drawer but my jaw dropped at the sight of him.

Black leather jacket, black shirt, dark jeans, and dark boots. A beautiful earring dangled from one of his ears, giving just the right amount of flash to draw attention.

I couldn’t help but stare in awe of the man I happened to snatch up by chance. I was taken by surprise by the outfit. He usually went for a more softer look. So my dumbass was wearing an oversized sweater and jeans to match his soft look but now that wasn’t happening.

Seokjin began to smirk at my obvious staring but just like that, it was over. The moment ruined with a noodle flying across the room, sauce splattering a bit on his face and my son cackling like the tyrant he was growing up to be.

My eyes widened and I quickly ran to get paper towels as Jeongguk began to scold my son about wasting noodles.

I made a mental note to scold my son for not only wasting noodles but ruining a perfectly good leather jacket.

“Sorry, Hyung! I should’ve warned you not to wear anything nice.” I let out a small awkward laugh.

“After all I’ve done to save Oink and THIS is how I’m treated!?” Seokjin mocked offense, a smile blessing his face, making me let out a breath of relief.

Seokjin the ran over to my son to ‘tackle’ him to the floor and wiggle his finger’s against my son’s side, causing my son to squeal with laughter. Jeongguk quickly picked a side as he jumped on Seokjin’s back to annoy him, causing Seokjin to yell at Jeongguk, but not causing him to stop tickling my son.

I smiled as warmth spread throughout my chest. Despite Seokjin’s attire, he was too soft for his own good and I loved that about him. He didn’t prod at my personal life, he didn’t push his boundaries, or judge how young I was with a son. Or even judge my relationship with Jeongguk. He just took it as it was and didn’t try to change it, he just wanted to be involved. He wanted to know me. He wanted to be a part of my life and take care of us.

“Yah! You’re ruining my date!” I complained, causing Jeongguk to blow into Seokjin’s ear as a form of rebellion.

“Stop giving foreplay!” I snapped at Jeongguk, causing his eyes to widen and for him to freeze in place.

Seokjin used Jeongguk’s pause to his advantage, grabbing Jeongguk to have him on his back so Seokjin could tickle him relentlessly too. Jeongguk let out a loud laugh as he tried to squirm out of Seokjin’s grasp.

“M/N! GET YOUR BOYFRIEND!”

“I don’t know, man. The way you were teasing him makes me think he’s YOUR boyfriend…”

“LESS SHIT TALK, MORE HELP!”

The date was not what I expected, but in a good way. Seokjin said he had a reservation somewhere and I thought it was a restaurant but after a few minutes of walking, he bought two bags of chips and some drinks as we casually strolled, which was gradually making my sanity decrease.

“So… Is this the date?” I asked as Seokjin’s eyes were trained on looking in his bag for the perfect chip.

“Would it be terrible if it was?” He asked, not bothering to look up.

“Not really, I just don’t really understand why we took an hour train ride to walk around.”

Seokjin only smirked. A moment of silence.

“So what do you think of koalas?” He tested.

“WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING!?”

Seokjin let out a laugh and kept walking. I glared at the back of his head, wondering if it would be too cruel to trip him.

Words can never explain how much I felt like a child as I hastily pulled off my shoes and put them away. I practically vibrated with excitement as Seokjin led me into the empty place.

A trampoline park.

No one else but us and staff.  

I was frozen in place, taken by surprise at just how huge this place was, “How did you manage to do this!? Are you rich or something!?” I gasped, “Am I your sugar baby now?” I asked as Seokjin un-glued me from my spot by pulling me by the hand.

“As much as I want you to think I’m perfect, my friend Taehyung works here. He offered the night to us.” He explained, stepping on the boarders of the trampolines on the floor so he could walk easily.

“…Are all your friends cool?” I asked, causing Seokjin to stop in his tracks and whip his head around to face me.

“Yah! Why do you want to know? I’m the coolest out of them! I’m the only 10!” I pressed my lips together in attempts to not burst out laughing.

Seokjin shook his head, “Let’s play a game! There are a few balls around, I go on one side and you go on the other, it hits the wall behind me, you get a point, I hit it behind you, you get a point.”

I could feel my competitive spirit spur in my chest, “Oh you’re fucking on!” I smirked, playfully pushing him to the side and rushing to get to the other side of the room.

“WHY DID YOU PUSH ME!?”

“PLAY THE GAME HYUNG!”

Seokjin decided to set a timer, 20 minutes, whoever got the most points in those 20 minutes was the winner. The loser had to buy dinner and the tickets back home. A few minutes into the game and I was only pulling 2 points ahead.

Seokjin was more athletic then I gave him credit for. Soon it got way too hot in the sweater I decided to wear. I was so used to playing these kinds of games with Jeongguk that I didn’t question it when I yanked off my sweater and threw it to the side to quickly get back into the game before Seokjin attempted to score.

However, that didn’t happen. Seokjin was walking with the ball, eyes too focused on me to the point where he stepped wrong between two trampolines, causing him to slip and the brightly colored borders to go directly into his groin. My hand flew up to my mouth as I heard the wind get knocked out of him painfully. I could feel second-hand pain in my stomach as he fell to the side, his hands cupping the now extremely sensitive area, his eyes watered.

“Holy shit! Hyung!? Are you okay!?” I asked, trying to run over but ended up losing my balance. Which ended in me doing a useless belly flop in his direction.

Seokjin let out a pain-filled chuckle, “Stop being cute I’m dying!”

“I’m sorry, Hyung!” I apologized quickly, getting up as fast as I could and stepping on the border so I wouldn’t lose balance again.

Before I could race to him Seokjin’s words stopped me, “YAH! Put on your shirt first!!”

I nodded rapidly and rushed over to grab my sweater, yanking it on and turning to sprint to Jin. Which made my impatient ass slip.

Again.

I let out a frustrated groan as I belly-flopped again.

“Oh just fucking forget it!” Seokjin murmured breathlessly, rolling onto his back.  

“How about I just walk?” I suggested.

“That would be best considering this place is a death trap.”

I stood again, moving to walk carefully on the borders until I got to Seokjin. I kneeled down beside him, petting his head in attempts to comfort him.

“…Thank you.” He muttered, staring at the ceiling, looking like he was questioning every choice he’s ever made.

“…This means I win right?”

“Gloat all you want but I’m never bringing you here ever again and I’m telling Taehyung that he tried to kill me.”

“…No one had you staring.” I tried to hold back the laughter that was bubbling in my chest.

“SO NOW IT’S MY FAULT THAT YOU GOT NAKED IN FRONT OF ME!?” Seokjin suddenly popped off.

“I just took off my shirt. It was too hot.” I defended.

“TOO HOT IS RIGHT! YOU CHEATED! YOU KNEW THAT WOULD MAKE ME FLUSTERED! I WANT A REMATCH WHEN I CAN FEEL MY LEFT LEG AGAIN!” Seokjin ranted.

I giggled, “Hyung, just admit that you like my body and you lost.”

“I didn’t lose! You cheated! How would you feel if I took off my shirt during a game?”

“I would like it very much.” I teased.

I could see color bloom in Seokjin’s cheeks and ears.

I could feel adoration fill my chest, “You’re so cute.”

“I’m a 26-year-old man. I’m not cute.”

“If I get you dinner can I call you cute?”

“You get me dinner and I charge you for getting to have a meal with me.”

“You called me cute, this isn’t fair.”

“Don’t talk back to your hyung.”

“…My hyung just broke his balls…”

“And it demands respect!”

I half expected Seokjin to take me to a cafe or something, but instead, he was arguing on the phone as I‌ grabbed chips out of a vending machine.

“I set up that reservation three hours ago!”‌ My eyebrows shot up.

“How the fuck did you even do that in the first place??”‌ Seokjin pressed his hand to the phone as if to completely keep the person on the other line from hearing.

“Someone canceled and I booked it.”‌ He responded in a hushed tone.

The other person seemed to say something because Seokjin quickly removed his hand and snapped, “They DID cancel!”‌

I only shook my head as I looked around. There were a few small restaurants. One looked like it had some good looking noodles. Another one had shrimp wrapped in something that I first thought was noodles. It was more like a batter of sorts, it was all dipped in the deep fryer. I was more curious about what the hell that dough was than hungry for it.

I‌ did see one stall that stood out though. An older woman was making knife-cut noodles. She didn’t have many people since there was a constant battle of everyone one-upping each other.

I turned to Seokjin, who was still arguing with this person who wasn’t budging. I grabbed his hand and began to pull him towards the stall. He was too focused on bickering that he just let me drag him along. I pushed down on his shoulders to make him sit then turned to the surprised woman.

“Two bowls please!”‌ I‌ eagerly asked.

“Would you like chicken or pork in your bowl?”‌ She asked, mirroring my smile.

I frowned a bit looking over at Seokjin, still arguing. I wasn’t really sure what he would prefer.

“One bowl of each? He’s a little stubborn.”‌ I chuckled awkwardly.

She only nodded in understanding as she began to cook the noodles. I was excited, getting chopsticks and looking over the add-in options.

“Hyung, she has soybean paste!”‌ I exclaimed.

I didn’t hear a break in his stupid dispute.

“WHY TELL ME THERE WAS A CANCELLATION IF THERE WASNT!? THEY CALLED TO CANCEL THEY CAN'T JUST TAKE IT BACK!”

I let out a huff. Well at least I know he’s passionate about what he believes in.

I reached up and grabbed his phone, ignoring his appalled face as I ended the call.

“Yah!‌ I was winning! That was rude!” He scolded me.

“You weren’t winning!‌ You were arguing with a wall! Pay attention to me.”‌ I grumbled, moving to shove his phone in my pocket.

“Hey! Give me my phone!”‌ He tried to lunge for it but I held my arm out to just keep it out his reach.

“We came out to have a nice time!”‌ I whined.

“We are having a nice time!”‌

“You arguing about a table is not a nice time!”‌

Seokjin was about to retaliate but was cut off by the woman setting the bowls in front of us.

“Thank you!”‌ I smiled at her, successfully pocketing the phone.

“Pork or chicken?”‌ I asked, handing him chopsticks.

Seokjin wordlessly grabbed the chopsticks from me and slid the bowl with chicken closer to himself. A pout rested on his rose lips.

I‌ groaned, “Hyung, the reservation wasn’t THAT important to argue for twenty minutes.”‌

More silence.

I let out a sigh and pulled the pork bowl closer, mixing the noodles and beginning to eat. I looked over to the add-in options and got the hot pepper paste. I put a decent sized dab in my bowl and offered it to Seokjin, who just took it in more muteness. I only rolled my eyes and went back to eating. Who knew an argument could mean so much to him.

After about half a bowl of noodles, he finally spoke.

“I‌ wanted tonight to be perfect.”‌

I raised an eyebrow at him. He was only staring at his noodles in defeat.

“And it is so far… except for you arguing for twenty minutes then ignoring me for ten.”

Seokjin turned to me, sadness in his eyes, “But you finally said yes!‌”

His words slowly sunk in as he continued, “I didn’t get a lot of time to set this up, but I still wanted to blow you away.”‌ Oh great now I felt like a dick for not planning the date at a later time.

“I said yes because I wanted to know you more, not what you could offer me. I understand you want it to be perfect but I honestly feel more comfortable eating noodles at a stall than in a fancy restaurant that I have to get glares every time I laugh too loud. This IS perfect, Hyung.”‌

Seokjin looked back down at his bowl, “…If I would’ve known you were this cheap I would’ve had a picnic at the park.”‌ He grumbled.

“CAN WE!?”‌

Seokjin shook his head at me, a disapproving look on his face.

"I make a KILLER lemonade!"‌ I added with a proud smile.

I‌ saw Seokjin try to hold back a smile, "We'll have a picnic date next time."‌ He confirmed, lifting up a bundle of noodles.

We heard a clatter to the side of us. We whipped our heads to look towards the woman. She had dropped a spoon and looked a little... surprised?

"Ma'am, are you okay?"‌ I asked softly.

Seokjin only frowned, "Yes, we're on a date. I've even seen him without a shirt and I liked it."‌

My head snapped over to look at Seokjin, "Hyung!"

"We're planning on going home together,"‌ Seokjin added to my horror.

"OKAY!THANKYOUSOMUCHFORTHEMEALWE'REGOINGTOGONOW!" I yelled in one breath, frantically trying to pull my wallet out of my pocket.

"He even has a son so we don't need to adopt. We're going to raise a CHILD. TWO MEN."

"HYUNGSTOPTALKING!" I slammed the money on the table, just knowing I gave more money than was needed.

My face was way too hot and my brain was far too scattered to deal with what Seokjin just did.

I grabbed his hand and began to try to yank him away. It was useless. The man didn't budge.

"I'm going to use the belt tonight because he made me lose an argument."‌

World.

Just open up and take me now.

It wasn't just the woman who was staring now, it was others around the small market as well. I‌ wanted to melt into the floor.

“Hyung…”‌I‌ whispered, “If we leave now I’ll buy you cake.”

The ride and stroll home was by far my favorite part of the date. Even though I had to buy Seokjin a pretty expensive slice of cake –I’ve never seen someone shove a whole slice of strawberry cake in their mouth– we still talked the whole way home. Embarrassing stories of our childhoods, who our friends were and everything in between. It was amazing until the dreaded topic was brought up.

“What about Junseok? Does he talk to his mother?”‌

Fuck.

I looked down at my feet as we walked, thinking over my works. I tried to figure out how I was going to tell this story without being biased or have Seokjin thing badly of Hyejin.

Seokjin must have thought I didn’t want to tell him, “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too sore of a subject…”‌ He added, a little disappointed.

“It’s not that!”‌ I‌ quickly said, looking up as fast as I spoke.

I let out an awkward laugh from my outburst, “It’s just that I‌ don’t know how to really tell the story in a neutral or fair way. I only know one side of the story so it’s a little complicated.”‌

Seokjin let out a sigh. He reached over to grab my hand and dragged me over to some stairs close by. He sat down and patted beside him, “This sounds like it will take a while, so start from the beginning. We have the time.”‌

I looked down at him, shaking my head, “You just want to torture my best friend.”‌

“Looking after that well-behaved, future child of mine, is not torture.”‌ I raised an eyebrow.

“Future child of yours?”‌

“Just sit down and spill.”‌

I sighed, and plopped down next to him, this was going to be hard explaining this to someone who didn’t know Hyejin.

“I used to have two best friends. Jeongguk, and Hyejin. Hyejin was a girl and she kinda stuck around us,” I‌ began, trying to keep my eyes dead ahead so I wouldn’t have to look into his eyes. I‌ was almost afraid he would judge me.

“Jeongguk was in sports and had two other friends, Jimin and Taehyung. So sometimes Jeongguk and I couldn’t hang out. I‌ wasn’t mad about it, I mean I‌ didn’t expect him to not have other friends. But Hyejin made it seem like it was like he committed treason,”‌ I‌ scoffed at the ridiculousness, “She kept saying ‘if he’s having fun so should we’.”‌ I‌ mocked her stupid voice.

I could see Seokjin press his lips together to hold back laughter. I‌ sighed and began to rub my hands on my thighs nervously.

“I‌ was an art student. I‌ was trying to keep my grades above average and I didn’t care about having fun. But Hyejin kept going on and on and I knew that she wouldn’t stop until I gave in and went with her at least once. So I did. ” I‌ could feel my heart speed up at the thought of finishing the stupid story that seemed to affect me years later.

“Jimin had told me once that Hyejin was giving me heart eyes. I‌ told him she was our childhood friend, so he was wrong. Jeongguk and I talked about how she seemed to be the most unconvinced when I‌ came out, but I was too idiotic to think she would just let it go.”‌ I could feel anger begin to build and sting the back of my eyes.

“So sure enough, I‌ got black-out drunk and wandered upstairs. I just wanted to pass out and have someone drag me home in the morning. I‌ remember diving onto the bed and texting Jeongguk. I‌ remember Hyejin coming into the room and asking if I was plastered. I‌ remember saying something stupid like ‘I’m not plaster, I’m a person.’. I‌ remember her flipping me over and complaining about taking me home. I just remember her hovering over me. I‌ thought she was just going to complain more and take me home like a decent fucking human being would.”‌I nearly growled.

Seokjin scooted closer to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me close but said nothing, allowing me to continue.

“The last thing I‌ remember was her stupid fucking face hovering over me. I‌ woke up next to her. Being the idiot I was, I‌ woke her up and told her we would keep it a secret. I‌ dumbly thought she was as wasted as me and we just happened to hook up. We didn’t talk about it and I told her that if she brought it up, we wouldn’t be friends anymore.”‌ Even the summarized version made my blood boil.

“A few weeks later, she called in sick to school. When Jeongguk and I called in to check up on her, we were yelled at by her mom. Well… I‌ was yelled at by her mom. I‌ was called a low-life player and a bunch of other stupid shit. When I asked her what the hell her problem was, she told me Hyejin was pregnant.”‌

“I had to explain to Jeongguk what happened. Of course, Jeongguk was pissed. My family wasn’t very stable financially. But Hyejin’s family was. I had to explain to my parents. They weren’t as hard on me as they could’ve been, but they were disappointed. Jeongguk was the first to say she did it on purpose.”

“I believe him.”‌ Seokjin’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“I‌ do too. I tried to get a job, I‌ mean I was going to have a kid. So I stopped taking school as seriously. I figured if I‌ passed just above the bar it would be enough for art school. Hyejin kept telling me that being a parent was a full-time thing. She wasn’t going to let me go to art school. I told her that I WAS going. There were plenty of fathers in college! I‌ tried damn hard to get above the bar while working. It’s was 8 months of hell with Hyejin. Jeongguk would invite me to hang out with him and his friends, only for Hyejin to somehow find us and tell off Jimin like he was trying to steal me away. I‌ told her to cut it out, only for her to tell me I was hers until the baby was born. Jeong–”‌

“Bitch.”‌ I choked on air.

Seokjin patted my back as I coughed and sputtered, “Are you okay!?”‌ He questioned, worry written all over his face. My choking turned into laughter as I leaned onto Seokjin’s lap.

“What!? I’m sorry, but that’s crazy stalker level bitchery!”‌ He defended, only causing me to laugh more. Literal tears.

I felt Seokjin’s fingers comb through my hair as he let out small laughs of his own, waiting for me to calm down.

It wasn’t so bad in Seokjin’s lap. It was warm and comforting. Just what I needed for the finale of the horror story. My laughter died down. He didn’t stop playing with my hair as my breath evened out.

“Jeongguk was going to move here. But he stayed until Junseok was born.” I‌ said softly.

I rubbed my face more against his thigh, “That was nice of him.”‌Seokjin’s voice was feather-light.

“She left us.”‌ I‌ stated.

Seokjin’s fingers froze.

“Her parents were insisting I should marry her. My parents would fight back. A few weeks before Junseok was born, her parents put us in an apartment to live together. My mother hated it. It was pretty high-end. A few days before Junseok was born, Hyejin and I got into a fight about us getting married. I wasn’t going to do it. I would support her and my child. I‌ would make sure he grew up right, but I wasn’t going to trap myself in a loveless marriage. So when Junseok was born. She ignored me almost the whole time. Only waking up to feed him then going back to bed. Jimin, Taehyung, and Jeongguk were more excited to see him than she was. It was no surprise that as soon as she was able to walk around, she packed her things, handed me Junseok and left everything to me.”‌

I felt wet hit my cheek.

After a moment of confusion, I looked up at Seokjin. His eyes were red, tears beginning to streak down his cheeks.

I‌ quickly sat up to cup his face, “Why are you crying?”‌ I asked, trying to wipe away as many tears as I would.

“He’s such a great son. Why wouldn’t she just give him a chance?‌!” I’ve never seen him so hurt and angry.

I let out a sigh, “She came back last year. She tried to act like nothing happened. She just kept coming over and saying I was the problem for not giving her a chance. He knows her as his aunt, which creeps me out. So I moved so she would leave us alone. She just knows I’m in Seoul.”‌ I sagged my shoulders and dropped my hands to his thighs.

“Well she can suck my ass he’s my son now.”‌

“WHY IS EVERYONE TRYING TO CLAIM MY SON??” I‌ demanded.

Seokjin chuckled, “I’m telling you, he’s a great boy. You did perfect.”‌ His voice was soft and comforting.

He placed his hand in my hair to ruffle it, “You and your son are perfect for me.”‌

He’s face was still blotched red. His eyes shined with the light and his nose was as red as his ears. He was beautiful. It hurt to see him cry, but I couldn’t help the fondness that built in my chest.

“You’re perfect for us too.”‌ I‌ whispered.

His eyes turned into crescents as his smile grew.

“You’re even handsome when you cry.”‌ I‌ smirked.

“Yah!”‌ The switch flipped.

Seokjin drew back to smack the back of my head, “I’m starting to think you only want me around for my looks!”‌

“That’s not true!” I rubbed the back of my head with a pout, “I keep you around because you cook and make dad jokes.”‌

“…Do you appreciate them?”‌

“Very much so.”‌

“…Then I will continue to stay.”‌

Seokjin and I walked into the apartment building hand-in-hand. I would occasionally swing our hands, being the idiot I‌ was. Seokjin had a thing for winking at people who stared, which I had to scold him for.

Upon exiting the elevator, Seokjin turned to me, “How about I hang out at your apar-”‌

A‌ loud shriek cut Seokjin off. Making us both jump and look down the hall.

“JUNSEOK GIVE ME THE BASKET OF TOWELS!!!”‌ I could hear Jeongguk’s muffled yelling from in the apartment.

“SECRET AGENT SEOK WILL USE THEM TO ESCAPE THE EVIL VILLAIN!”‌

“YOU USE THEM TO CLIMB OUT THE WINDOW AND I WILL GRAB SCIS- STOP TYING THEM TOGETHER YOUR FATHER WILL KILL ME!”‌

I let out a deep sigh, turning to Seokjin, “You still sure he’s a good son?”‌

Seokjin gave me a big smile, “He’s tormenting Jeongguk. He’s the best son.”‌

I‌ could hear Junseok scream.

“SCREAM ALL YOU WANT! YOU CAN’T GO OUT THE WINDOW!!!”‌

Seokjin let out a sigh of his own, his hand tightened around mine, “Let’s go handle our son, shall we?”‌

[amelialincoln]

Hey, could you write a story where the sisters (Maggie & Mer) care for Amelia when she struggles with early pregnancy symptoms while Link is at work? Then when Link finally comes back from work, he feels super bad for Amelia having to deal with the symptoms without him around? Thank you! I look forward to your fics daily!!!

Angel Boy

“Should I call Link?” Maggie bit the inside of her cheek.

“Don’t call Link,” Amelia groaned in response, her body convulsing over the toilet. She flushed it away shakily and leaned her sweaty forehead against the bathroom wall.

“You’ve been at that for half an hour,” Meredith called from the kitchen.

“Well if you hadn’t decided to make bacon for breakfast—” the thought sent Amelia’s face back into the ceramic bowl. Meredith entered the bathroom, ignoring Maggie’s concerned expression.

“Amelia it’s not my fault that the kids wanted their breakfast to consist of your new food aversion. Yesterday it was tomato soup, the day before it was scrambled eggs. How are we supposed to know what to make and what not to?”

“Don’t remind me.” Amelia gagged at the idea of eggs.

“Amelia, you really should have something to eat.” Maggie patted her back sympathetically.

“Stop talking about food!” Amelia snapped without meaning to. Maggie took a step back. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Maggie sighed.

“Saltine crackers,” Meredith shrugged, her voice lacking empathy. “Helped me when I was pregnant with Ellis and I didn’t have any hot boyfriends to coddle me back to health.”

“Don’t talk to me about enduring pregnancy without the father of your baby,” she answered, glaring at Meredith. “It just wasn’t this bad last time.” Which was a lie.

“Mom, Bailey just threw his piece of bacon at me,” Zola wailed from the kitchen. Amelia heaved.

Once the kids finally headed out to meet the bus and the rest of breakfast had been put away, Amelia made her way out of the bathroom. She sat down at the dining room table and placed her pounding head in her hands.

“I’ll call Bailey,” Meredith said as she placed the orange juice back in the fridge.

“What, why?” Amelia yawned.

“You’re not going into work today.” Amelia tried to protest but Meredith cut her off. “Look, you’re malnourished and exhausted and if you really want to keep your pregnancy a secret, throwing up in the OR isn’t the move. Also do you really want Link so see you walking around like that?” Amelia shook her head.

“She’s right, Amelia, you look pale and tired.”

“Thanks guys,” Amelia mumbled, accepting a glass of water from Maggie.

“I’m just saying that a neurosurgeon looking sick and exhausted isn’t very reassuring to patients,” Maggie added defensively.

“I guess so.” She took a gulp of water.

“Hey Bailey, it’s Grey,” Meredith took a step out of the kitchen.

“We aren’t scheduled today anyways.” Maggie gave her a sympathetic smile. “We can have a sister’s day.”

“I guess.”

“Try not to look so disappointed,” Maggie laughed. Amelia motioned to the trash bin and Maggie handed it to her just in time.

“Thanks.” She took a sip of her water, swirled it around in her mouth and spat it into the bin as well. Meredith reentered the room tossing Amelia a packet of saltines.

“Eat them. I know it sounds crazy but having an empty stomach is making it worse.” Amelia sighed, tearing open the package and devouring one of the crackers. It was dry and tasteless but Meredith was right about having something in her system making her feel better. “Better?” Amelia nodded.

“So what should we do on sister’s day?” Maggie asked excitedly.

Meredith raised her eyebrows. “Sister’s day? When did I sign up for this?”

“You didn’t,” Maggie huffed. “But it’s a thing now. Right Amelia?”

“I think I just want to sleep all day.” As a rush of exhaustion hit her hard. “I need to go lie down.”

“Perfect, you can do it on the couch. We can watch a movie.” Maggie clapped her hands together. “I’ll make popcorn.”

“Don’t make popcorn,” Amelia groaned.

“...I’ll get lots of crackers.” Maggie corrected herself, both her sister’s lack of enthusiasm not managing to burst her bubble.

They were half way through this stupid romcom that Maggie had chosen when Amelia fell asleep, close to fifteen saltine wrappers circled around her. Maggie turned down the volume and ran her hands through Amelia’s tangled hair.

“He seems nice,” Maggie said over the quiet hum of the tv.

“Who?” Meredith answered, her eyes on her phone rather than the movie.

“Link.”

Meredith laughed, looking up from her phone. “I mean yeah.”

“I just don’t understand her sometimes,” Maggie motioned to Amelia. “Like all that time with Owen and then suddenly Link comes along and bam, baby.”

Meredith bit her lip. “Well I don’t think it was planned.”

“I guess,” Maggie shrugged, eyeing Amelia as she began to stir. “I just don’t want her to get hurt.” Amelia’s eyes fluttered open and she placed a palm on her forehead. “You okay?”

“Just dizzy,” she answered, trying to shake off her daze. “God I feel like crap though.” She reached for her glass on the table beside her and winced.

“What’s wrong?” Meredith asked.

“Nothing, just kind of crampy,” Amelia confessed. “I’m sorry I feel like a shit show right now just unloading all this on you guys.”

Meredith ignored her comment. “Is it that of the ordinary?” Amelia was surprised to see her concern.

“No...I don’t think so.” Meredith’s face was starting to concern her. She cursed as a burning pain lit up her lower back and abdomen.

“Amelia!” Maggie reached out to her as Amelia buckled over in pain.

“That’s not normal,” Amelia held back tears as she took a deep shaky breath. “Mer,” she whimpered.

“Let’s get you upstairs.” Meredith nodded, helping Amelia stagger to her feet. She turned to Maggie. “Call Link.”

“Should I call the hospital?” Meredith shook her head.

The blood came about a half hour later. Amelia refused to mention it so all three stayed silent about what was occurring. Amelia forced them both out of the bathroom and locked the door. Meredith left first, knowing that she’d wanted space when it had happened to her but Maggie stayed put at the door, trying to ignore the awful sobs coming from inside the room. Link arrived twenty minutes after that.

“Where is she?” He asked frantically, his eyes searching the living room.

“Bathroom, upstairs,” Meredith barely had time to finish before he was sprinting up the stairs. After a bit of coaxing, Amelia opened the door.

“I’m so sorry.” Her face was contorted in pain.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He took her small frame into his chest and tried to suppress his feelings of grief. “Should we go to the hospital?” Amelia shook her head.

“Not right now,” she pleaded. Link nodded, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. She flinched at his touch and he dropped his hand.

“Babe,” he sighed.

“I’m sorry, I can’t—” her breathing started to quicken and she turned away from him as another stream of tears filled her eyes.

“Breathe, Amelia.”

“I can’t,” she responded, her eyes full of panic.

“Oh, babe. Come here.” Link pulled her into his chest, once again and breathed deeply until she stopped shaking. “It’s okay. I’m so sorry, I should’ve been here. This is all my fault.”

“This is not your fault. I never wanted to do this again and now here I am. I told myself I wouldn’t get attached and now...” she trailed off into a fit of sobs.

“I know,” Link sighed. “Me too.”

“I’m so sorry,” Amelia couldn’t bare the disappointment in his eyes. “I should’ve known from the beginning.”

“Amelia, there’s no way you could’ve—”

“No, this world is against me ever having children and I should’ve fucking known.” She shook her head madly. Link didn’t know what to say and instead just pulled her tighter into his arms.

“It’s okay, we can try again?” He offered. “This happens to tons of women, Meredith included, my mom had two before they had me—”

“No.”

“No?”

“I don’t want to have a baby. I don’t want to ever be pregnant again.” The pain in her eyes took his breath away. “I’m sorry, if that’s something you want but I can’t.”

Link shook his head. “Amelia, I don’t care. I mean obviously I care,” he bit his lip, trying to hold back tears of his own. “You’re everything to me. I don’t need a baby to fill some sort of empty void in my life.”

“Are you sure?” Amelia asked, knowing she’d been promised the same thing once before.

“Of course I’m sure.” He pressed a lingering kiss on her forehead. “Now let’s get into the shower.” She nodded and he tried to avoid the sight of her blood stained pants as he removed her clothing and rubbed soapy water on her until her tears dried up and he’d pushed the idea of ever being a father out of his mind.

i was in a bad mood today which kind of explains how that took auch a turn (im not comparing my bad mood to a miscarriage, i just usually write sad stuff when I’m upset) i’m sorry if this put anyone reading into a bad mood as well! i just feel like miscarriages are so common and no one ever talks about them because there’s this awful stigma that it’s the mother’s fault when it rarely ever is. my heart goes out to all the women who have gone through something like this at least once in their lifetime<3

[theprisonofself222]

it really be your own damn self

you toxic b****. Tryna be aware of the words I write down and say out loud so that I’m not manifesting the same negative energy I’m critiquing in myself......but god DAMN, I fucked up. Blocked the blessing of eons. She is everything. Like fuck fuckkk I was so cowardly!!! am so cowardly??? So let’s start from the beginning shall we....I meet a beautiful woman on HER and she invites me out with her friends. we immediately hit it off....too well. im in an “open relationship.” lol that was a fucking joke because I barely even wanted to be with him. toxic af unhealthy af....thought it was all him and haha here we are now and i got a whole new pair of googles and these shits are wretched. stepping on my neck. i deserveeee ittttttt wow. not even in some self deprecating kind of way or maybe? im in this state rn......where its like, im feeling i was toxic....i made the person im in love with feel convenient, used, disrespected......all for some fun? flirting? excitement? to be wanted by some dude just for the night? @ me yoooo what??? like dont get me wrong, me, I know you really thought these dudes were wholesome. one of them is your best friend!!! but ur girlfriend, ur partner saw something with her impeccable intuition....and she tried to tell you. what did you do?? you dismissed her. you shut her down. you invalidated her feelings. you resorted to manipulation to protect yourself from your own reckoning. and now here tf it is. and she’s heartbroken. jesus fuckckkk she really is and im in this state of utter disappointment and acceptance? not of losing her, god i haven’t gone there yet. or i’d be sobbing....and that feeling in my stomach all day. that reckoning. this whole that is both expanding and contracting, filled with hot nothingness. a void where all my shame and guilt and sense of victimhood swirl. and i let that shit prevent me from hearing her. i let my fucking discomfort speak for me. my fear. nah. i deadass handed those fools the mic. I’m a fucking fooooool for all of this. how do i know this, feel this, accept this, and still have any morsel of hope that she would want to be with me??? what have i done to show her i deserve her? I want her? I love her like I say I do? what is wrongggg with me? really how could I have been so dense? sleep walking through my own life? lying about my desires to the person I love. this woman........from the moment I met her I was linked to her inextricably. i did not want that shit....i was not ready. when my ex would ask me how i felt about her....i lied too. and i thought he was the toxic one. he knew i didnt really want to be with him. we were both toxic people who found each other. And then I meet her....and I’m trying to do right by my ex by her....I feel so pulled to her, it felt so right and so needed, but then I’m shamed when i go back...I felt like he and i were on the same page, i felt even pressured, but then it was how could you??? how could you still???? yet the truth was i didnt feel for him how we both wanted to feel for each other. for the person we are with. and now i have to ask myself some hard fucking questions. do i want her like i say i do? do i love her like i say i do? am i in love with her like i say i am? How can i prove it to myself? How can i prove it to her? Is it about proof? is it about knowing? I feel like I know but my actions were a fucking MESS. it reminds me of my ex realtionship. it reminds me of childhood. my mom telling me that i put my friends first and that im so selfish and that i lie about things. it hurts that she’s right...and yet it also feels like a gift. I felt like she was so against me. she thought I was so wrong and so evil for loving my friends and wanting to spend time with them. that was my reality. she didnt understand me and she didnt want to and she never would. and now here i am......seeing that im still the same scared little girl. so scared of how people can be upset with me. how people can not like the things that I do. this fear still whispers in my ear that I’m protecting myself by rejecting their expression like their feelings are battery acid. it will eat my flesh if I let you say how you feel!!! Why, little me? why, me? Why is it that you cause the harm to the people you love most? It’s like you know that they are real, that their love is so real and worthy, you can’t possibly accept you can be worthy? that you can do what they do? love like they do? speak like they do? who’s they? cold, unfeeling, evil, insensitive, inconsiderate, selfish. a hard shell. my feeling body left on the couch. this monster left in her absence. this sad, lonely, hurt monster. so resentful and angry of herself...

Veronica. the love of my life. she’s right about me. every harsh word she uttered held so much truth and power. it cut right through me, I still haven’t felt the gashes fully....it’s like I’ve known the whole time I’m doing wrong and yet I couldnt stop myself....i fucking convinced myself SHE was toxic!! oh my goddd ew. fuck. fuckckck. what is that??? trauma? i have to love myself, im all i have, so I need to get the fuck real with myself. who am i? what do I want? why do I feel I deserve veronica? VERONICA. 

She is like a unicorn. the essence of pure love. i have never met anyone as open and welcoming and charismatic as she is. talking to her is like talking to your mom, your best friends, and yourself. and you’ve just met her. she’s absolutely gorgeous. her eyes are warm honey brown spirals of life, her freckles are so yum, her laugh...omg her laugh and the way her nose crinkles up, and the sound that the back of her throat makes, that beautiful giggle. i melt. her hair, a curly and powerful fro. her body....her VOICE...her ears.....her nose....there’s not one thing about her I don’t like. god I’m an idiUHT. her energy is like a breath of air after taking off these stupid ass masks that are protecting us from covid. like water from the fountain after playing tag for an hour in the park. refreshing, giving, invigorating, and empowering. and so. fucking. loving. she scares the shit out of me. how can someone be so loving like that? my problem is I don’t ever feel like I can do that. THAT’S my problem. not that i CAN’T love like that or that I dont already. that i fucking tell myself all the time that I can’t. I told myself I couldn’t like Veronica cuz she liked me too much and I was a scared punk. and yet I wanted her closer. because as much as I wasn’t ready to treat her how she deserved and give her the relationship i knew she wanted, i still wanted her around. and so she’s right. I took took took took took and gave nothing. I hurt her. I had sex with G as soon as i ask to be in an open relationship. after telling her G and M left. and B. all of them. why the FUCK did i do that???? she’s right.....i used her. I love her so much and I know I loved her then too. So why the fuck did I do that? How could I fuck this up for her, for me, for us so badly? i had so many opportunities to step to the plate....why????

im fucking scared that i will never be satisfied. that i will be an unsatisfied little b**** like M. veronica is so fucking right, man, about everything. her intuition is amazing why would i ever think I had a fucking leg to stand on about her intuition and perspective when I WONT EVEN LET MYSELF FEEL?!!?!!? 

even feeling IN LOVE with someone scares me so much i think id lash out like a fucking animal in a zoo. wait jk i dont think i already did. I lashed out every time she tried to talk to me. god she is so wonderful and I’ve been realizing and I’ve felt so unworthy. I’ve been feeling so shitty in our relationship recently and this is why. because i needed to see this shit. i needed this reckoning. and im so fucking sorry to myself that I didn’t see her. hear her. feel her. that I chose emptiness and frivolousness with these people who really dont give a fuck about me, my growth, my well being....for what??? cuz i wanted to be open? so i wouldnt be exclusive? so i could have experiences? with people who have shown me in so many ways that im second fiddle? and i make VERONICA feel that way??? i transfer that energy to veronica not only in my actions and words but in my fucking BODY BECAUSE I LET THESE FUCKING DICKS INTO MY PUSSY INSTEAD OF GOING WITHIN?!!!??? bruh. 

i wanted my cake and i wanted to eat it too. that sayings been really hitting lately and this is why. this shit has been a LONG time coming. I really hope she can forgive me....i also know that’s not where my energy needs to be. hoping and looking outward. i wanted to text her so badly to say i love you and good night....she dont want to see that shit. think about her, dummy!! stop thinking about yourself. having a traumatic childhood, and having experiences where adults in your life who should have made space for you were not able to provide and care for you in the ways you desperately needed...this is not a detriment!! unless you lie. unless you cheat yourself. unless you are so ashamed of who you are, deep down to your core you would rather disconnect and play a farce of yourself than to look. feeling your whole life like you couldn’t express anyone to anything was so fucking hard for you. you didnt even let yourself feel how hard because then youd have to change it. you convinced youself this is who you are. you don’t need to talk. why do people do that? always wanting to share and express? why do people need to know everything? tell them what they want to hear, what they should hear, tell them the right thing. or tell them nothing at all. you didnt know better. you really didnt. but you’re not a kid anymore. and everyone in your life is here to teach you. you will not die without their approval, and you will not live because of it. they are not your parents and they never will be. dont try and make them your parents. don’t try and make them your parents. don’t recreate your trauma. don’t project your fears and shame onto the woman you love. don’t do that, sophie. that’s not right. veronica is once in a universe. i will never meet anyone like her. i will not lose her. I want to figure my shit out more than anything. because i really wanted to be a defeatist and live as a defeatist shooting myself in the foot with veronica before we can even begin. and god i really pray i have another chance with her one day....that I haven’t lost her. because I dont want to take anything from her ever again. i want to give her the world. i sound corny af but I WANT TO GIVE HER THE WORLD. i want to create life with her. I want to spend the rest of my days with her. I want to be the wind beneath her wings dead fucking ass cuz thats what the fuck she’s always been for me. her love is unlike any other and i am a humbled student....a humbled student who fucking FLUNKED. and i could never give up. i just know that. i know we will be together...however it will look that is up to veronica....i held onto control so hard in this relationship and i steered us into a fucking iceberg. dummy!!!!! i dont know really where to end this cuz this is just the beginning so yeah....time to get my shit together and talk to these people about how i fucked up and opened the doors to let them infiltrate and disrespect our relationship. like an idiUHT. i will make it right. 

****

and all this about some fucking SEX. meanwhile i have all this fucking sexual trauma i need to heal. and who has gifted me the most healing experiences of my life? veronica. and the rest of these people that i put on some disgusting little pedestal (jesus wow i cant believe i defended these people over veronica to veronica like really where the fuck was i at??? who tf was talking, sis....) meanwhile they really didn’t give a fuck about me. and me??? why wasn’t i talking to them about how i felt about veronica? about my other relationships. god i fucked up so so so so so bad. that was so fucked up. damn, sophie, seriously shit that was wrong. that was so so wrong. you lied to yourself. that’s what’s breaking my heart, you lied to yourself the whole time, then you lied to veronica, and lied to yourself some more. and YOU asked to be with her. YOU wanted to take that next step. you were filling voids, and veronica was too real for you. you should have never brought her closer when you were so confused and cowardly and falling for some insecure ass people. it’s me: i’m insecure ass people, and i found people to validate and reflect myself. you really thought they were better than you. you hate to admit that or even let yourself type it right now, but you did. you thought that they had something you didn’t. that they could fill something in you. why the fuck?? when veronica was there the whole time??? when she is EVERYTHING and more. emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, energetically, sexually....our sex is fucking incredible. she makes me cum so many times i lose count. i lose control of myself in a way that is so frighteningly beautiful...i burst into tears, i feel like im shattering into glass and she’s cradling my pieces, somehow managing to soften them into smooth pebbles. sex with any of the people in my past, especially M, G, and B is fucking pathetic compared to sex with veronica, and I was too pathetic to see that. truly pathetic in the full sense of the word, i pitied myself and victimized myself spiritually and didnt even allow myself to really feel the weight of my actions. apathetic too. a molotov cocktail waiting to blow up in my face, but first in Veronica’s. regret would be too easy. If i deserved it i would change my actions. but this is a gift. to be able to see what the fuck is right in front of me. what an unappreciative, cowardly doofus i’ve been. i made the love of my life feel like she is unimportant and unloved.....why do i find it so hard to prioritize the people in my life who are fucking amazing? I have to get back to this cuz i need to sleep.....so much to reflect on, so much to let flow through me, so much to prove, so much to lose. 

[darisu-chan]

Okay, but what about a Fruits Basket AU where Rukia lives with Urahara (as Shigure), Ichigo (as Kyo) and Uryuu (as Yuki)? Like, I just wanna fangirl with that idea

…

DUDE

Ihalf-heartedly thought about a Fruits Basket AU, and then you come here withthis idea.

Holyfucking shit.

Okay

Here wego

1. So, when Rukia lost her sister, Hisana,she stayed with her brother-in-law, Byakuya. However, he had to do somerenovations. Awkwardly, and so that Byakuya wouldn’t waste money on her, Rukiatold him she’d be okay living with a friend. Being, well, typical Byakuya, heaccepted without another question. Rukia totally lied. She didn’t have any friends and nowhere to go, soshe had the fantastic plan of living in a tent. You know how that goes.

2. Oneday, as she’s strolling in the forest where she lives, she finds a houseapparently in the middle of nowhere. She notices that there are ornaments ofthe 12 Chinese zodiac animals outside, so she stops to admire them. There, she meetsa blond man who owns the house. They talk about the ornaments, and theirconversation continues until Rukia asks why there isn’t a cat figure. The manasks him why she cares about the cat, and Rukia tells him that when she wasyoung, her sister used to tell her the story of the zodiacs, and that shewished she was of the year of the cat. The man looks at her intensely.

3. Suddenly, Uryuu, the most popular kid in school,arrives. It turns out that the man called Urahara and Uryuu are cousins. Beforeshe has time to think about it, Rukia ends up walking to school with Uryuu,which proves to be a big ass problem, since most of the girl population isin love with him (It’s what he deserves). They all start bullying Rukia abouther coming to school with Prince Uryuu. In this AU Rukia has no friends, soArisa and Saki don’t come to rescue her (though I kinda headcanon Rangiku andNemu taking these roles). Instead, Rukia tells the girls that nothing happened betweenUryuu and her, that they’re just classmates. They, very passive-aggressively,threaten her, but Rukia braves the storm. She believes she won’t come intocontact with Uryuu again. That’s a lie.

4. Rukia finds Uyruu in the locker room after schoolis over, and he walks with her. They talk about the zodiacs, and Rukia mentionsthe cat. Uryuu gets visibly upset and calls cats idiots. Rukia is surprised butcan’t say anything more when she has to get to her part-time work. Beforeleaving, Uryuu tells her she looks pale and that she should rest.

5. Rukia believes Uryuu is weird, but, ultimately,feels like she kinda understands him. Even though he’s popular, he’s lonelylike she is. Anyway, when walking home, she finds Urahara and Uryuu in theforest. She tells them she lives there, which they find weird since the wholeland is owned by their clan. Rukia explains her story, about how she had tolive in a tent due to Byakuya’s house being renovated. Urahara totally messes withher, which causes both Uryuu and Rukia to yell at him lol. Eventually, Uraharahears something and says a cliff has collapsed. They go to investigate, and yeah,the freaking cliff collapsed on top of Rukia’s tent. She has a melt downbecause the only picture she has of her sister is inside. Before starting todig up, she faints due to having a fever. Urahara takes her back to his house,and Uryuu stays behind, digging up her stuff. Back at his house, Urahara asksRukia why the photo is important to her. She says that the day Hisana died, shedidn’t say goodbye. That Hisana had been hiding her illness for some time, andthat Rukia never noticed. Rukia blames herself for going to school withoutgoing to see Hisana. They had fought over something silly during dinner, and soshe left the following day without even seeing Hisana. Rukia regrets fightingwith Hisana, because nothing should have mattered as much as her sister, whohad raised her after their parents had passed away.

6. Uryuu hears Rukia’s story. He feels like an idiot.He had never noticed his classmate had lived such a painful life. Uryuu decidedto live with Urahara instead of the main house, to escape his father’sexpectations, as well as the Clan. But believes that if he had truly wanted toleave, he would’ve lived in a tent much like Rukia. This conversation givesUrahara the idea that only Rukia can change the lives of the whole clan.

7. Next day, Urahara and Uryuu urge Rukia to live withthem. In exchange for living there without paying rent, Rukia will have to cookand clean for them, because the fuckers suck at doing this. Seriously, thehouse is a mess. “How can you be two grown men and don’t know how to cook basicmeals and clean?!” “Well, you see Kuchiki-san, a man such as myself doesn’thave the time to─” “You’re hopeless”

8. Sadly, before Rukia can move into her own room, aguy with obnoxious orange hair comes crashing down the freaking celling just tofight Uryuu. “You damn rat, come fight me!” “You’re gonna lose, stupid cat!”“NANDATO?!” Fed up with the juvenile and one-sided fight, Rukia tries to stopthem by pulling the orange haired guy, which is a big mistake, because the dudeturns into a cat right there and then. Urahara arrives at that exact moment andtries to stop himself from laughing, while Uryuu sighs. Rukia flips out andturns to ask Urahara and Uryuu what the hell is happening, when she trips andfalls on top of them. They turn into a dog and a rat respectively, and Rukiabelieves she finally lost it. They start speaking, and Rukia freaks even more.Urahara, as a dog, explains her that their clan is cursed by the zodiacs. Whenhugged by a member of the opposite gender, they transform into animals.Thankfully the transformation doesn’t last long, however, the downside is thatwhen they become humans again, they’re completely naked. *Cue transformationand Rukia screaming because she almost saw them bare*

9. The orange haired guy is named Ichigo, and he’sUryuu’s and Urahara’s cousin. Apparently he disappeared for four months totrain in the mountains, and fight bears. Rukia doesn’t know what tothink about him at first. He’s rude and loud and he hates Uryuu for whateverreason. She starts guessing it’s probably because in the story, the rat tricksthe cat, and that’s why the cat doesn’t belong in the zodiac. As for Ichigo, herightfully believes letting a girl live with them will carry even moreproblems, especially since she knows their secret.

10. Urahara talks with the clan’s head, Aizen, and helets Rukia continue living with them, which means her memory won’t be erased.He also makes Ichigo join the same school Rukia and Uryuu go to, which pisseshim off. It turns out Ichigo is a very shy person, yet he makes friends easily.This upsets Uryuu, who, even if popular, has no true friends. Rukia, then,discovers that their rivalry goes both ways, and that both are jealous of eachother. They’re idiots, as Rukia will later tell them, because the two are greatin their own way.

11. So Rukia continues living with the three, gettingto know them. Uryuu learned martial arts later than Ichigo, but he is stillbest at them. He prefers sewing, though. He’s very good at fashioning clothes,blankets and even stuffed animals. He makes a blue dress for Rukia to thank herfor everything she does for them. Meanwhile, Ichigo loves martial arts becausethey give him the strength to protect the people important to him. He teachesRukia some moves so she can protect herself, as she walks to the house byherself after her shift at part-time job is over. Uryuu and Ichigo actuallytake turns accompanying Rukia home. She hates the attention but when she’s withthem it’s the only time the two get along.

12. Over time, Rukia gets closer to them. She tries tosooth their worries by giving the same type of advice her sister used to giveher. She makes it clear both are worthy just as they are. If they want toimprove, it should be to become better people and not to please others. She isnothing but kind to them, and they are kind to her in return. Soon, they’reclose enough that it feels as if they had been friends their whole lives.

13. When the renovations are over, Byakuya calls Rukiato come back home. She doesn’t want to go with him, but she knows that she can’tstay with Urahara, Uryuu and Ichigo forever. So she goes but she’s miserable,because living with Byakuya involves living with his relatives, who all hateher as she doesn’t come from a rich and prestigious family. They somehow findout she was living with the guys all along, and call her a slut and ask her ifshe had been sleeping with them. Before she can’t react, Byakuya slaps theperson who insulted her, and tells them he won’t let them insult Rukia in hishouse. Then Rukia breaks down and says that’s the first time since Hisana’sdeath that Byakuya has looked her in the eye. Byakuya tries to comfort her andasks her if she feels comfortable living with him. She admits she wants to goback to living with Urahara, Uryuu and Ichigo.

14. Meanwhile, Uryuu and Ichigo feel like a part ofthem died when Rukia left. Urahara gives them her address, and they both rushout to find the house. Uryuu gets lost and it’s up to Ichigo to find the house.Though they fight the whole time, they feel that they are in the same boat asboth miss her. They eventually find Byakuya’s house just in time to listen howByakuya’s relatives insult her. The two get enraged because how dare they hatesomeone as amazing and kind as Rukia! But before they can act, they witness howByakuya defends her and asks her if she’s happy living with him. When they hearRukia confess she wants to go back, both go inside the house and tell Rukia she’salways welcomed to come back. Rukia nods with a watery smile.

15. As Uryuu collects her stuff, Ichigo takes Rukiaout of the house and scolds her for just living. If she had asked from thestart, they would have told her she could stay as long as she wanted. Rukiasays she didn’t mean to impose. Ichigo calls her an idiot and tells her she’llnever impose on them or be seen as a nuance. That he doesn’t see her as that.Then Uryuu returns and tells her he feels the same. She’s part of the familyalready, more than their own relatives have ever been. Rukia agrees to continueliving with them for as long as they will have her, and together they returnhome.

Obviously, there’s much more that can go on, but I don’twant to spoil others who might want to watch Fruits Basket.

This was so much fun! And I’m sorry I took so long. Atfirst I was going to write a few sentences but I decided this ask deserved muchmore! I love Fruits Basket and Bleach very much. Maybe later on I’ll actuallywrite the AU. But who knows.

Thanks again for the ask!