#im so sad not being allowed to be their friend fr because of them - because im just here waiting for them to let me love them

[puppyeared]

Atla live action 😐

[lovedlovingly]

not to sound dumb but u literally have to want better for yourself in life for life to get better, and this has ZERO to do with what u originally deserve because u already deserve the world. but as long as u hold on so tight to the idea that u don't, bathe in the misery that u convinced yourself is all u should have, you WILL make sure u miss out on good things in life. not all of it, some will still worm their way into your life because it knows its for you. but like stop pushing the good in life away just because you or someone else decided that a false truth of suffering is safer than anything good life has to offer. literally just WANT better for yourself and see what that means for u. there's so many ppl ready to love u, and i bet a part of u is longing to love yourself anew as well, why is the comfort of known suffering better than the terrifying excitement of the multiple doors to the better unknown, why did u choose to keep this pattern as the once u force yourself to be comfortable with.

and if the ppl around u are the ones keeping u in said misery you have to make sure you do whatever u can to get out, whatever they think they're winning from keeping u down you are not! there is love and support around u and waiting for u, you literally just have to stop shaking it off because it feels different to what you're used to. want better for yourself, find out what that means, and try it even if it means just poking one little finger outside of your comfortable self loathing zone

because at least then it means you're trying, your focus has shifted, and you can then start actively choosing how much better life should be for u and how fast - because it's all waiting for u. stop not wanting it for yourself

[localapparently]

i love kimcom so much.. i love them so much..

theyre so..!! honestly if i think about them too much i'll cry.. and I'm rereading a few bits of dark castle to compare the novel and the webtoon and gosh, sleepyc and team's art really allows kimcoms interactions to feel more alive and goofy, silly even,,

epilogue spoilers ahead near the end

and novel's narration are like the gaps to fill in, both sides elevate the story,, i sound like a food critic but like. oh my goodness you read the part where kdj reunites with sys in dark castle after his revival and youre so taken by how sweet and cute it is. and then you read novel and..!!

I wouldn't have been able to run straight here if it wasn't for this feeling. I saw Shin Yoosung crying and thought that parents probably felt like this.

GOODBYEEEE I AM SO DEADDDD LIKE OH MY GOD YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME???

and webtoon chooses to let kdj maintain the same composure he had when he talked to jihye after saving her just moments prior,, and it works because now i read his inner thoughts in novel and I FEEL SO INSANE?!?!?! YOU BITCHHH SAY IT SAY YOU MISS HER?? no wait .. im getting off topic. this is becoming a kdj sys ramble

Honestly even though i call them found family I don't really classify them as a family either, they feel more like a home? at least at the first half of the story.. In an apocalypse where everything feels uncertain and you've lost all your close friends, you'd end up wandering aimlessly, so sticking to a group is moreso a temporary means of survival than friendship of any sort. It's also why kdj is so essential to kimcom as their glue, as the person who gathered them together, he provided them with that temporary party. and having that 'constant' you can return and realign to in that setting is so.. augh...

not to mention that three of the kimcom members are kids and kdj is their form of stability. lgy and sys hug him whenever they see him because he's the first adult that had ever shown them care. jihye is probably shaken from the first scenario but while she clings to yjh and admires him as her master, he probably doesnt do enough to reciprocate her respect or communicate as enthusiastically. now that i think about it, jihye feels kind of lonely, not young enough to get along with the kids particularly closely and not old enough to be buddies with the adults. does she make up for it by being talkative?)

And at this point in the story its evident that theyre not even that close !! singshong's writing style isnt one that elaborates on emotions and descriptive fluff to begin with, but sys is stated to not be so fond of jihye in ch162 because jihye was rude to kdj, they still feel like theyre in their own cliques. sys and lgy stick together as kids of similar ages, jhw and lhs get along normally, hsy is. hsy. lhs for one narrates kimcom as his 'companions' quite early on, but i'm unsure whether that choice is becuase thats just a suitable word for people closer than 'allies' but not close enough to be 'friends'. ultimately its just a buncha people who are trying to survive, and care about the guy that brought them tgt. it doesnt really feel like anything more than that.

and then as you're caught up in kdj's shenanigans, small snippets pass by and they feel a bit warmer yk. like sys and lgy having a coin flip whenever they're uneasy. (sys states that lgy has "done this before", like he's the one that has suggested the past coin flip(s). it feels like its implying that hes initiated this game system just to cheer up sys because shes a lot more transparent about feeling sad that kdj isnt there.) sooyoung of all people, willing to get an outer god contract to save sangah. jihye, hyunsung and seolhwa chilling in the room during proof of stars, and hyunsung was picking his nose like are you fr they are so unserious,.

in jttw arc ch 433, yoosung growing close enough to joonghyuk to not get intimidated by him and (forcefully (forcefully is a strong word but she straight up just puts it on his cheek unprompted and that is so funny of her)) apply seolhwa's ointment, even giggling when he allows her to do it after she brings up doctors orders.

after proof of stars, theres a portion that goes

The party members supported each other. (...) I saw the white lines connecting the empty universe. The stars, that seemed like they would never meet each other, were facing each other.

please know this: i wanted to cry and scream so bad. ive started to spell out kimcoms names rather than address them in their shortforms, that writing inconsistency is how emotional i am right now.

I can't do the justice of listing down every instance where they've grown a little closer, but i'm hoping to remember more on my second reread.

because orv is such a long novel, the way they gradually grow closer also feels realistic.. and by the time you're in the ch400s, its so clear that they wouldn't go anywhere else without each other.. if i start talking about vacation arc i'll just start sitting and staring at a wall again.

"you're explaining how an average found family trope is realised" Youre right!!! youre right!!,, me when the found family is actually found family.. don't shame me like this.. i'm just an emotional person..

Ah and then you get moments where their unity really shines, and they become god pummeling probability festering forces of nature... and its when one guy's life is in jeopardy. even when they weren't all that close yet, its when they save kdj where they feel most strong. and its a bit obvious because its like, common goal makes people group together yknow, but god the adrenaline and relief when they appeared in demon king selection.. the way their names pop up one after another when they vote for jung heewon's skill..

and 1865 !! 1865 was really the epitome of it all!! oh my god they were all so reluctant to return to the hell of the scenarios but they dragged themselves back because of one fucking guy that they loved too much. and i'm rereading 1865 a bit as i write this but the way they all yelled at their sponsors to pick them is so so funny and the whole speedrunning thing really shows their desperation to quickly find him but also feels a bit fun and even exhilirating with how theyd already beaten the game once, and they were going to storm through the whole thing again to reach kim dokja. like a fuckin earthquake. the lines in ch 536

They had to be insane. (...) These people who lost their minds were clearing the scenarios with insane methods.

YEAHHH THATS MY FUCKING KIMCOM WOOOH OH MY GODD THEYRE SO INSANE!!!!

kimcom's bond was strengthened because of their love for kim dokja, kimcom drifted so close because of how much they wanted to save kim dokja. whenever i think about the 'found family' trope between kimcom, it exists because they love kim dokja, and once again i'm reminded of how much that bastard is loved and how he denies that he is anything else but a reader outside the covers of the story.

It's not to say that all of kimcom's bonds were because of him, but it's clear that had it not been for him, they would have dissipated so much quicker.

agh. what was i talking about again..

genuinely i dont know if ive proven anything through this. i just had to talk about it. i havent even talked about the relationship between kdj and each kimcom member but then the post wouldnt end. sys's section would be thousands of words and i would even have a portion for gong pildu and jang hayoung..

i love kimcom. thats it thats the post.

[d1ssenter-be-damned]

*opens trenchcoat to reveal several pamphlets with fic tropes on them* What kind of nicities might you be interested in Tumblr user error-is-bae? `<•##>3

well hello there anonymous tumblr user that im fairly certain is one of two people.

listen man i know everyone and their dog has written a fic where gabriel atones for the errors of his ways by throwing himself into rebuilding lust w minos. but i cannot get the concept out of my head

every interp ive seen thus far has minos be angry, yes, but i dont think hes been angry enough. i want him to break. i want him to tear into gabriel like a rabid fucking beast. i want him to grab him by the throat and throw him to the floor hard enough shards of concrete get lodged in his lungs. i want gabriel to scramble back instinctively because he knows hes no match for a prime soul, especially not without his Light but he's not fast enough and then Minos grabs him again and he can't breathe--

and i want him to just go limp. to accept his fate. and minos just gets angrier because he wants him to fight, he wants to revel in the feeling of his bones crunching and listening to him scream but it's not satisfying if he doesnt fight back and he did not waste away in that god forsaken prison watching everything he'd worked so hard to achieve (peacefully! he never wanted a fight, he wanted to thrive, he tried to reason--) be torn down by his own withered hands only for gabriel to rob him of what little gratification he could receive as if he hadn't already taken everything from him. i want him to roar "why won't you fight me?!" as he lifts gabriel by his collar. he wants to see the spirit that gabriel had before (when they were colleagues, friends even, when they would spend their time debating philosophy and literature and enjoying being together), wants to watch it break under his fists--

(and he thinks of the way gabriel looked down at him so long ago, the divine light of the spear held to his throat shining across his armor, the way he had pleaded for some of that previous kindness to return only to feel as the head pierced his skin and dug its way through his flesh, blood curling down his neck in rivulets and pooling in his mouth as he gasped for any semblance of breath he could take--)

and for just a second he thinks of how things could have been so much different if gabriel had a heart. if he was allowed to rule his kingdom in peace, allowed to let his people prosper and grow and have a second chance. and he looks at gabriel, sad and limp and broken in his grip, but hes not broken like a warrior after a valiant fight or a killer after a spree, hes broken like a fledgling bird with clipped feathers pecking at fingers for its own survival, like a child tucked away in a damp street corner waiting for it to be safe to move again, like the people he had helped build a new life in death.

and on one hand it infuriates him because gabriel is the reason he never got to see his people thrive, never got to see his kingdom grow and live and by all means he should despise him for everything hes done

but at the same time he remembers the gabriel from before the Council, remembers their late nights together, remembers the intelligence and the wit and the charm and the kindness they had Beaten out of him, sees how hopeless and faithless he has become

and sees that he has the chance to be better.

but he has to think about it. so he drops gabriel to the ground and watches as he scuttles back and coughs for breath and looks up at him and can practically feel the confusion and disbelief radiating off of him and if he's honest hes not sure hes making the right decision either. so he turns around and stalks away before he has the chance to change his mind.

anygays. i spent way too long writing this out cus im just obsessed with the concept of them growing closer Slowly because obviously minos can never truly forgive him and gabriel cant ever be rid of that Guilt but i do think there's something there to work from. they just have to put in some effort.

[mysticarts]

Hi, Rambling cause I woke up at 4 am to wrote this idea.:

Lucio and Wick are problematic idiots in love, the pinning is real. They won't take each other srsly sometimes. Aka the bickering between these two. At first Wick gets intimidated at Lucio's when he has his face covered.. And then you got Wick gets flustered at the moment Lucio unmasked his scarf revealing his face. (Wick is now having bi panic not knowing Lucio is also having Bi panic.)

The two are throwing disguised insults towards each other, when they're secretly competing who gets to fluster the other one. (They don't know they were doing this lmao.)

From every insults becoming a playful banter. The slowly built a trust that took a long time. Until they formed a friendship. They still bicker but instead out of bluntness it became a silly game for them.

Wick taking notes on Lucio's interests and hobbies and learning about them, Wick listening to Lucio lecturing him about cooking, while he helps him chopping vegetables. Lucio doing the same like attempting to listen at the siamese ramblings of rocks collection or historical facts, he just looks at Wick's face and cracks a sligth smile.

Lucio slowly seeing Wick's true self, not his known gentlemeness or a fancy businessman. The same goes for Wick upon seeing Lucio being genuine for the first time, Wick feeling happy he has someonenwho doesn't looks at him for being a law-abiding man but himself.

And this is where I am gonna add the pinch salt of angst here cause I'll be honest they won't be officially together at the sequel au. Even if they tried dating they still have a many responsibilities to hold and tons of conflicts to deal with.

They have already enough to their plate that they might think is not the right time to date especially in a society where.. Anytime would have their reputation destroy. It would effect everything if a secret was out, their occupations, status and their friends/family/close ones/etc.

So yeah Lucio and Wick still remains as friends, they can't be inlove because is tragically impossible because of their fates...

(The two would probably have shared their last kiss as a farewell before going back to their own lives. Oof.)

Okay have a good day/Night!

this......this is amazing and sad at the same time.

Because them bickering is like, super adorable in my mind. You bet Carmen and Nia are in the middle, looking at the two, Carmen knows what's going on, so she'll probably tell Nia:

"Nia, what Lucio and Wick are doing is called flirting. Do not disturb them" while slowly walking away with Nia.

Also you bet that Carmen and Nia sew up different types of scarfs for Lucio, just to make sure Wick compliments Lucio at the end of the day. Nia and Carmen are the best wing women, fr

It does make sense that Wick and Lucio don't get together in the sequel au, considering Homosexuals where.....very little to exist and people where greatly discriminating towards them (im guessing, I'm not a history expert, please do not come for me in my sleep)

But in the sequel au, Nia wouldn't allow them not to be together. IF I make Carmen alive still in the sequel au, Carmen would be the one setting up private dates for Wick and Lucio. If Carmen is dead in the sequel au, then it's Nia who's setting up the private dates.

Nia isn't an expert with love, she's a expert in explosives. However thay won't stop her from trying to make the most romantic date ever for the two.

But yeah, I'll say this again, if there was a movie between these two I would eat it up

[cosmical-flowers]

who's your top three favorite characters from enstars and danganronpa? im curious and havent found someone to talk to about danganronpa in a while hehe

mb i have to post this the day after this was asked because THERES A POST LIMIT???? Im so mad. Anyways. Characters!

Danganronpa + Fanganronpa:

1. Yuki Maeda (SDRA2)

I loveeee his character arc. I like the way he decides to cope with only being the Ult. Lucky Student. His growth from that as well is interesting to me! His backstory intrigues me as well. Hes awesome, top 5 blorbo of mine. His character design also looks cool, I like the school boy fit.

2. Kaede Akumatsu (DRV3)

I died in chapter 1, recovered, and died in chapter 6 again. I like her optimism in the game so much. Shes so cool!!! Also her character design is mad cute. Like the pink and the yellow??? YES!!!!!

3. Teruya Otori (DRA + SDRA2)

the games killed me. I did a character analysis for him cause I made a playlist for him and. HES ME FR!!!!!! i like him a normal amount trust. His character arc is cool and I like how he copes with the death of his friends (im sorry if you dont know dra mutual)

Danganronpa Maingames:

1. Kaede Akumatsu

same statement as before: shes awesome.

2. Makoto Naegi

i love my very plain protagonists so much. I like how he just has the Ult. Lucky Student, and while I’ve seen others talk down on themselves because of it (cough cough YUKI MAEDA), he’s like “cool!” And moves on. I like his optimism as well, and him coping with the killing game. Hes cool.

3. Sonia Nevermind

Hey. how do i mention that i never finished sdra. i erm. got to ch1 and stopped. so uh. I like her fit! It’s very cool. I also like her proper behavior (and I remember correctly from the manga, she also likes murder mystery / true crime. I haven’t read the manga in a bit though.) shes neat!

Enstars:

1. Shinobu Sengoku

he is just. !!!!!!! I like him :D I think his character is very interesting to look at tbh, especially after reading Scroll of the Elements and Chuunibyou. The way he decides to cope with loneliness is going like “oh! I think im meant to be a ninja because they’re always alone too!” And I respect that so much. As an only child myself, he’s just. Cool!!!!!!!

(I also struggle with Identifying voices sometimes in songs and if they’re too similar I cant point them out. He has a really identifiable voice so like when I listen to a song im like “THATS HIM!!!!!” And it makes me happy :D)

2. Subaru Akehoshi

The lore… uwagh. I love when really cheery characters are more than that because it’s me fr. Im happy go lucky, Im also sometimes sad!!! I also like Trickstar in general because I like the orthodoxness of the group (is that a word. prob not.) And he is just!!! Silly!!! He should be allowed to do as many antics as he wants. BIGBANG REFLECTION!! that song is so good.

3. Hiiro Amagi

difficult choice tbh. But gets the spot since he was the first one I had a major hyper fixation on. I like how he decided to deal with being in a new environment and what he does. I think of scout white lilies everyday too. Its one of the first ones I read. Anyways, I also like his red hair and how he has an undercut. Its awesome to me.

[sophierequests]

Okay I lied. Here's one more because I can't help myself with these wonderful asks for this event. Bear with me please. <3

🌷 not a ghost but with a little twist

I don't know if this is allowed (but since you said I'm loki in your cym ask, I might as well act like it👀) - I don't write fics but I do give reviews, so I was thinking to link my favourite Sirius Black fic written by a really good friend here. It's worth it I promise.

@bookshelf-dust is worth the hype and I want to talk to you about Sirius Black of course

A masterpiece - here you go

If you're okay with this if course<33

reading + reacting to other writers' fics // love and mandrakes - sirius black

a little twist 👀 i like that

honestly, i don't care whether it's your own fic or not, because just reading other people's work makes me happy <3

live reaction:

i’m already a sucker for a fic that happens during herbology class, you you got me there

i love professor sprout omg

i would be so sad if i killed a plant in her class istg

there he is!! my boy!! always with the theatrical entrance, as he should!! i love him too!!

i would kill to be in professor sprout’s class

i see what you’re trying to do mr. black

now i can’t get the picture of remus piercing a shitfaced siruis in the middle of break while regulus stands there and watches

i’m imagining remus tossing sanitizing cloths at sirius whenever it is time to clean the piercing

wow, you just summarized my entire time at high school when it came to group projects

i love sirius

did i already mention that?

he’s just great

and an ass, but in a good way

teamwork makes the dream work ohooo

simp sirius is the best sirius

queen mention queen mention queen mention-

OMG A LITTLE SHOP OF HORROS REFERENCE IM STFFGHGSDSHJ GOING FERAL

sirius would fucking love a little shop of horrors

(also, the big brain move of using a musical that features

teasing = flirting

CO-PARENTING A MANDRAKE OMFG I AM UNWELL

GENIUS

the mandrake is a child of divorce send tweet

forest green is my favourite colour omg 

REMUS MY FAVOURITE BOY THERE YOU ARE

oh i can already tell everything that relates to remus is going to be my favourite part

early retirement i am crying

remus being overdramatic

he’s just like me fr

we love to see it

bisexual sirius confirmed 

remus is so done with them hjgsdlzg

i love him

help their banter makes my day

wolfstar besties, my heart <3

“look at this fucker” SIRIUS THAT’S YOUR CHILD

friend ;))))

simp sirius part i lost count

remussssss <333

now both are just simping huh

being reading besties with remus is all i want in life

reading with sirius would be so chaotic oh god

attention starved is sirius’ only mood

AHHHHH PLAYING WITH HIS HAIR I AM SGKSGTSSGSLU

oh god i loved it!!

my favourite lines:

She’s been briefed on what his home life is like, too, and who he has to put up with. And since she was a young girl, Pomona has been determined to give everyone a fair chance.

→ i teared up a bit

“I was prohibited,” he says, pressing a scandalized hand to his chest. “Remus did it for me over break, while my brother played nurse.”

“And for the record,” he adds, “Remus was very strict with my cleaning regimen, so I did not get any infections if that’s what you’ve been contemplating.”

→ this is canon

"Feed her, Seymour," you say, and Sirius whips his head towards you.

→ the impact this line had on me is astronomical

“I’ve realized we’re co-parenting a Mandrake,” he starts, “and I feel as though I should at least know a little something about the mother of my child.” You raise your eyebrows at him. “You know, to ensure that they don’t grow up lacking proper guardianship.”

“First, you don’t want to be friends, and now, you want our child to be one of divorce.”

“Sirius, we haven’t even been married.”

He presses his forehead against the stone next to you, and you turn to look at him. “I’m pretty sure there are a good bit of people who’ve been married and know less about each other than we do,” he says. 

→ this whole part had me screaming

“I don’t come to class one day, and you’ve made a new friend? Why couldn’t you have made a new one any other day? I think I need some time off. Maybe even early retirement.” 

“It’s rude to abuse the wounded.” 

→ remus is my baby, i love him

“You say that as if I won’t do it.”

James sits up, but only enough so that he may rearrange himself into a poorly structured child’s pose. “Stop being such fucking tease and do it then, babe.”

→ is this queerness i smell

“See? Look at this fucker. My child.” Sirius gestures dramatically at the potted plant. Remus leans up against one of the tables, only slightly amused, much more out of breath. 

→ a plus parenting sirius

“You whined about me making new friends,” Sirius says, “so that I’d leave you alone, and now you’ve taken it upon yourself to steal said friend from me?” 

→ dkjsksgl

“I want you to play with my hair,” Sirius says.  

→ deceased, dead, i died

final review:

this was so so good omg!! the pining, the flirting, the co-parenting??? i loved everything about this you have no idea. i may not be the biggest marauders stan to ever exist and i’m more of a moony type of person, but i love pads so much <333 he is baby <333 i also have to say that this did not read like a 5k fic, i was genuinely surprised how quickly this was over.

→ to my event post!

[earlyspringtranscendence]

corin pushing past his own comfort zone to allow patrick the comfort of touch during a deeply traumatic time for p like literally im so fragile right now i can’t even begin to explain all of what’s going thru my mind. but i will.

like i think the biggest reason this mental image is so important to me is that andrew rowe’s writing with patrick (and mara tbh) has always held so much nuance & tenderness, like here’s this golden retriever type of boy who holds so much love and positivity in his heart, here’s this little nerd who loves the world he lives in & loves his friends so much theyre family (again, same goes for mara who im p sure was the one who said she needed family time while they were discussing blackstone banditry but it could very well have been sera which is still a win for me bc all these characters are so fantastic*) & he would do ANYTHING for coring — remember him being the first person to stand up to magnus for corin ?? remember corin being hit & his first thoughts are thank fuck patrick saw this? cause i dont think he’d have felt that way if it were anyone else, not even mara or sera or even derek or keras (though derek & keras ymmv bc they are still adults in this situation so theyd be far more likely to be able to do anything, but still theres the shame of it which i think would be more pronounced w them than it is w patrick bc he’s just such an unbelievably kind hearted character)

he doesn’t have the same sway over corin’s emotional intelligence as sera does but he still offers guidance by just being so emotionally intelligent himself, and anyway these are all his perfect traits but then not only that he’s also vulnerable (which is still a perfect trait but you get what i mean) and its not the first time he gets to be vulnerable but for the tables to have turned so severely that now its corin who has to be the brave, kindhearted one.... when patrick gets to be fr scared and hurt and young it’s by far one of the best parts of the books that happens outside of the story, because theyre ALL like that, bc in silence of unworthy gods im pretty sure theyre still only 18 (and you can tell the difference btwn an 18yr old who grew up in an awful family, an 18 yr old who grew up practically without a full family/her current family, an 18 yr old who had the best family but other circumstances denied her certain privileges and an 18 yr old whose home life idk jackshit about but i feel like it was probably pretty good bc a) how could u not adore patrick and b) well he came out bright as sunshine so you know, but anyway theres nuances in their maturity and patrick is by far the youngest but theyre ALL young & scared & inexperienced & going through far too much... i mean like read wobm keras is 21 in that im p sure and like ok yes he does go through a whole thing in book 1 fighting gods or whatever (overachiever) but his actual training is a piece of cake in comparison to what these guys go through)

anyway idk where that was going so nvm but its not only corin, it’s keras who .. ok to be honest i havent read more than the first book in 6ss which i need to get to bc i feel like im missing some context lately but keras clearly is in a very bad very stressed out place right now & mara telling him he needs to fucking COOL IT &&&& all of this being done through the medium of touch, which is such a taboo topic in AA because its from corin’s perspective and corin is you know. traumatised to hell and back.

its fucking magnificent. andrew rowe is so fucking good, not just for his worldbuilding but for his characters and his KINDNESS towards them, UGH !

* i was gonna go in depth on that but this is long enough so lemme just say im also loving sheridan this book i mean i loved them before but now that theyre like a more established type of love interest (.. sorta ??) it just makes me giggle bc there is no one for coring to end up with without me adoring the shit out of it. jin? im so down. cecily? i feel like itd be a little sad & they need to build to it but i LOVE cecily so sure !!! sheridan? literally i’d scream itd be so funny and SO good, LUTE ??? i mean. no ones even hinting at that happening but yes 100% yes.

plus i feel like corin has a crush on keras in that ‘thisman is 26 and beautiful & knows so much’ kind of way. anyway. AH !!! 

[f1nalboys]

Peacemaker S1 Ep4 The Choad Less Traveled live watch @tinalbion

-the little screenshot thing of adrian in his prison get up….oh yeah SORRY ok time to play

-i do in fact watch the recaps everytime idk why

-like i’m binging this shit but i still do it

-ugh this is an auggie centered episode i guess 👎

-everyone in the car together :3

-“you’ll fall over all the time and look stupid and everyone will laugh at you”

-peacemaker and vigilante both going to shoot judomaster 😭😭😭

-peacemaker is in trouble 😦

-“i started to feel sorry for it” IFKWKDNKWJD STOPPPP

-“right now this world needs a son of a bitch and you’re the only one i got” stop making me feel bad for christopher smith

-HEJDJEODJD

-ADRIAN WALKING ON HIS FOOT JUST SCREAKINF HES SO FUNNY

-MATTER EATER LAD

-adrian screaming abt walking on his foot and then walking off perfectly fine

-fuck off emilia

-SORRY harcourt is so annoying

-girlboss cunt tho fr

-but leota

-my beloved

-economous trying to make her feel better :,)

-“don’t FUCK with john economous mother fucker!” PERIODDD

-HNNGGH

-adrian without the mask

-“i’ve been meaning to thank you for allowing me to get tortured last night”

-he’s so hurt :((( my poor baby

-him staring at christopher like >:( after saying he’s fine he’s just like me

-“or your dad is a racist whack job” “yeah well your dad left your mom for another dude” “HEY?!” JFWOFNOWNDISJDN adrian ur just like me except my mom left my dad for another girl

-“yeah and they’re deeply in love!” “yeah i doubt it. u know i think he’s just pretending to be gay to get away from you” FUCM OFFFFF

-oof yeah he has no idea his dad got arrested

-oopsie hehe

-adriannnnfjfng

-sorry

-JJFJDJEJD HES TAKING ALL THE MASKS i bet he or someone else (prob adrian or maybe economous) r gonna put the scabies on one by accident 😭

-oooh the suit

-the duck wearing a human costume line PLS

-this episode is my fave so far i think

-he’s so mad at this old man

-“bat man doesn’t kill people” “BECAUSE HES A PUSSY” “he’s a dark creature of the night!” “HES A JACKASS”

-“Jesus! i was just trying to make conversation :(“

-oop.

-he revealed his dads in prison teehee

-HDKWIFNWKND

-murn angrily staring at economous and him going “me?? 😦”

-MURN WHISPERING “fuck. you” TO ECONOMOUSJFKWNXOD

-“i told u those people weren’t best friends material! 😌” HES SO CUNTTY

-aw them becoming besties again :3

-HFNWOFNKS

-ADRIANS REACTION TO CHRISPTOPHER SAYINF HE LOVES HIS DAD

-“oh….. 😀”

-leota 😵‍💫😵‍💫 sorry

-guys judomaster is awake

-not him slipping the stuff off his wrists

-NOOOOOO

-chris called her by her last name :(

-:((((

-his dads abuse being in his file :((

-WAHHHH IM FEELING SO BADDD

-“your dad is NOT a good man! not to the world, and especially not to you” WAHHHH

-:((((((((((( im so sad

-chris walking into a police station w his costume on cmon does this man not have regular clothes

-“i take it ur vigilante” “…..😦no”

-he’s so funny i love love love adrian

-can he and leota be besties :D

-“you’re so not killing it right now :/“ JFJWIDJIWND

-i hate his dad

-can someone kill this man 🗣️🗣️🗣️

-“him i fucking loved, but you? you were just a blob of flesh i felt nothing for” CAN SOMEONE KILL AUGGIE SMITH RIGHT FUCKING NOW????

-him begging his dad to be a good guy and let him do his job :/

-“i’m no rat but the first chance i get i’m spilling everything” “i don’t mean to be a jerk or anything dad but technically that exactly makes u a rat” “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT”

-fuck u auggie smith i hope someone actually kills u in there

-adrian’s hair 😵‍💫 sorry

-“he’s a good man, like you” “you think i’m a good man?” WAHHHHHH

-“i don’t think chris is ever gonna be happy as long as his fathers around” is adrian going to jail so he can kill auggie JTNAOXNWIBD

-chris is just :( so worried :(

-guys. do i like chris? NO. STAY BSCK. INDONT

-“ur gonna be alright” “ha. my dad hates my guts. everyone hates my guts. i’m a choad and not the good kind” “i don’t hate ur guts….and i think ur the good kind of choad” and chris sad smileanD HIS VOICE CRACK WHEN HE SAYS THANKS

-IM PUKING

-THEKFNWINFKE

-“i’ve sustained an injury on my pinky toe 🤓”

-and judomaster is gone

-“oh shit 😀” LFNWONFIE

-not cobra kai

-ECONOMOUS EHEEZINGISNDJWJ

-chris is a good guy bc even tho he’s pissed at economous he’s still gonna help :3

-“rematch motherfucker!!”

-GOD DAYUM

-chris just slamming him around

-“FUCK YOU!” “FUCK YOU” “FUCKER” JFNKWJF

-“you have a weird bubbly shaped body” JFKWOCKSKD

-NOOOO

-THEY SHOT JUDOMASTER

-BUTTERFLIES ARENT WHAT THEY THINK THEY SRD???

-leota shot him shit and

“i’ve never killed a man before 😰” “u still haven’t :3” JFNDJJF

-HES IN JAILLL

-so fucking

-hbbggg

-THE JAWBREAKER SONGGG AND HIMMMM

-fuck me

-fuck u emelia

-“and then it gets easier?” “no not really”

-“everytime i turn around if you is doing something fucked up” no literally murn 😭😭

-“why is everyone ‘fuck you’-ing to me today”

-“ur gullible i call out sick all the time and i’m lying” “i KNOW ur lying i jsut don’t give a fuck” STOP HARCOURT AND ECONOMOUS R BESTIESSSS

-adrian chase 😵‍💫😵‍💫🙏

-my god

-sorry

-i don’t have any thoughts on adrian’s fight scene

-except ‘gnnhghh’

-also he’s so cunty the way he smiled at them and took his glasses off and and and and

-yeah. YEAH. i want him

-chris being worried abt what everyone knows abt his dad :(

-:((((

-“thanks” “that’s it?” “no ur tits look stellar in that shirt and i’m saying that as a compliment, that’s not in a sexist way” STOP FJJWIXJWJD

-STELLAR

-king

-he’s a bong guy as well <3

-and a drinker

-he’s just like me

-NOT HIM GETTING THE BUTTERFLY HIGHHHH

-the way he’s dancing to this song 😭

-adrian still in jail :( HES OUT

-that was easy

-noooo leota ignoring her wife’s phone call :(

-ADRIANNNN

-sorry

-harcourt picked him up

-we she better not fall for him sorry

-“i think i might’ve made things worse” HES SO SAD IM GOING TO DIE SO HARD

-HE JUST WANTED TO MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR HIS BEST FRIEND FUCK OFFFFFFFF

-oh he tortured someone as a little kid :(

-:(((( NOOOO

-that was a great song to put in the background md

-glam tai

-NO I KNEW HE WAS A HUTTERFLY

-I FUCKING KNEWWWW ITTTT

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-damn I AM SO SMART

-literally after last episode when he got blown up and like was on the ground and gave harcourt a thumbs up i was like hm….soemthing is up FUCK

-ok end credits

-“and it’s offensive to me. bc i have a soul. not a duck.” BYE

OK FINAL THOUGHTS OF THIS EPISODE it is easily my fave episode so far!!!! loving the increase in adrian content bc besides me wanting to smash he is such a fun character!!! he’s very clearly neurodivergent coded and i cant wait to see him interact w the rest of the team :3

i am feeling so god damn sad for chris rn :( i hate auggie smith all my homies hate auggie smith 🗣️ i wish adrian had been able to kill him but i think it’ll be more satisfying if chris does it

loving leota per usual, very excited to see the murn butterfly arc HEHE and also harcourt is slowly worming her way into my heart i guess 🙄🙄 her and economous are so fucking funny

[jaegersmoon]

HI so here are the songs I put on the playlist and a little synopsis for why !!

Okay okay ill start off with y/n’s first

Watching Him Fade Away by Ma DeMarco

When you listen to the lyrics ik you might think its about Lucas but ong to me its y/n seeing the alcohol consume her dad right in front of her eyes slowly killing her old dad and the part that says “put him down”  and “the thought of him never being around” is her knowing she’ll never get her old dad back, AND THE PART “even though we barely know each other it still hurt watching him fade away” she doesn’t know him anymore but knowing that it still hurts her 

My Little Love by Adele

Reminds me of y/n and her mother’s relationship with the whole mother and child talking part and how y/n is trying to hold on but really just wants to hug her mother :(

Matilda by Harry Styles

Kinda describes y/n’s past and how she’s always putting on a smile but jean can see right through her act

Bored by Billie Eilish

This one reminds me of her and porco, and her realising how much more she’s worth and how she just wanted him to love her

Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood

SPEAKS FOR ITSELF anyways giving either sad vibes with jean or smut vibes with jean

Favourite Crime by Olivia Rodrigo

This one is just sad bruh literally about the lengths y/n went to, to love Porco and how he didn’t care

Your Power by Billie Eilish

Same as the one I just said really and how he damaged y/n

Mirrorball by Taylor Swift

It’s kinda cute but sad, the whole thing kinda makes me smile thinking about how y/n will shine for jean and how when no one is around but jean that’s when her real self shines through but it’s also how she can change to fit in as she might be doing atm with her new found friend group, but doing that is shattering her and yet she still tries knowing its hurting her because she wants to feel loved IDK JUST LISTEN TO THE LYRICS I PROMISE IT’LL MAKE SENSE

I’m Tired by Labrinth and Zendaya

The song gives me the vibes when y/n finally lets them tears out fully

Kids by Current Joys

UGHHH THIS ONE HAS ME TEARING UPPPPPP its like how y/n had to mature quicker than other kids and her childhood was ripped from her but she has to remember she’s young and she’s allowed to make mistakes

Tired by Beabadobee

Omfg this one omg kind of gives me wholesome but sad vibes of y/n opening up to jean but he just listens and holds her? IDK

Pluto Projector by Rex Orange County

Basically about her and jean and how they’re both trying to just cope with grief “I’ll do the same as you I’ll try and hold it up” omfg

Lovers Rock by TV Girl

AWW LITERALLY JEAN AND Y/N AWWEHEBNUFBUH4RNRHJVEFNF

She by Harry Styles

Hot sexy boss y/n just being sexy n shit

I just finished and IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY ILL PUT JEANS IN A DIFFERENT ONE SORRY

OH MY GOD THIS ?????? I AM LOSING MY MIMD. all of these are so behind perfect. The way you analyzed y/n so amazingly and matches these song’s to a T. Oh my god I literally can’t believe this!!! I’m so amazing fr.

Do you have a code to this playlist? I would love to have it in my library. You are the 🐐 for doing this omg

[tooweirdforyou]

Home » With Ace

A/N : AAAAHH I KNOW IM NOT DOING REQUESTS BUT I CAN’T HELP BUT WORK ON MY OWN IDEAS— T^T

Inspired by the New Years ep. of Fruits Basket! :)) and a little bit by the song, Home.

note : modern! AU, Husband! Ace

Summary : Having encouraged Ace to go home to spend the new year with his family, you spend this special occasion alone, only for a unexpected visitor to come. Idk

-

“Are you positive, [Name]?”

Chuckling a bit at his paranoid persistence, you couldn’t help but smile at him for it. You thought it was cute how much he cared for you.

“Yes, I’m positive. Go spend some time at home with Pops, for the holiday, okay? I’m sure Marco, Thatch and the others miss you.”

Ace pouts as he looks up at the sky, leaning against the stop-sign at the end of the block, the bright moon shining down on him with the lightest snow sprinkling down.

“It’s not too late come with.”

He hums, a softer smile presenting onto his face as he exhales out, the puff of smoke erupting from his lips due to the cold.

You snuggle under your blanket and glance to the picture frame standing on your bedside table. “Tempting, but I’m okay. Go spend it at home with your family, Ace. I’ll see you a couple days after New Years?”

Ace’s soft smile turns a bit bitter and sad as he nods, regardless of you not being able to see it.

“Yeah.. see you after New Years.”

“...”

Unable to hold your smile any longer, you just fidgeted with the brand new ring on your left finger a bit before hearing him again.

“Hey, I love you.”

“Yeah.. I love you... see you.”

With that, you hung up on him and set your phone down, staring blankly in your lap.

Ace, almost sensing the weak and sad tone in your voice, felt his heart break just a little bit as he closed his eyes and brought his phone down dejectedly.

Staring down at his ring wrapped around his finger on his left hand, he glanced at the time on his wrist and sighs once more.

“Time to go.”

-

“Home.. the place where I can go.. to take this off my shoulders.. someone take me home..”

Singing the soft tune, your fingers unknowingly grip the picture frame tighter, every note weaker than the last.

Glossy eyes looked down at the photo, seeing a happy family together. Two parents, their children in front of them and bright smiles plastered across their faces.

And in the back, if you flipped it, marked a date. The date of when you last saw them, before the accident. The accident, that costed their lives.

Tears dripped onto the picture frame in your lap, wetting the glass. Sniffles can be heard from you, as you sat in silence in your bed.

“Someone.. take me.. home.”

-

“Ace! I’m glad you could make it, it’s been a while since you visited!” Thatch grins widely, patting his shoulder once the raven-haired male entered the home.

“Yeah.. how’ve you been?” Ace, still feeling a bit skeptic of leaving you at home all alone, just plasters the best smile he could to his brother.

“Been great! Where’s your partner? You just got married right? Congrats, by the way.”

“.. they didn’t want to impose so they’re at home.”

“Alone?” A new voice questions, and the two men turn to see another fellow brother, with a pineapple yellow and style hair.

“Marco.” Ace nods, greeting and acknowledging him which Marco does the same. “Your significant other is home alone? They don’t have family?”

“Yeah. They died in an accident a few months ago..” Ace mumbles, sliding off his jacket and Marco exchanged a glance with Thatch.

“Spending New Years all alone without family? Not even any friends?” Thatch frowns softly, pulling away from Ace.

Ace pauses to think a bit, his coat halfway off his arms.

“I can’t imagine what the feeling must be like, having to spent New Years all alone.. going through a new year all by yourself, must be a terrible way to start it off.”

Slowly, realization was filling Ace inside, worry and panic slowly seeping in, as he pulled back on his jacket.

“Spending and going through New Years with family every year, just to experience the first one without them?.. must be heartbreaking.”

Scrambling to zip up his coat, Ace nearly tripped as he ran back over to the front door to pull on his shoes, shocking the two other males.

“Ace? Where are you going?”

“I’m going home!”

With that, Ace pulled open the door and slammed it shut behind him as he began to run. Even if his legs have out or he slipped on ice, he didn’t stop running.

Whitebeard, who was listening from behind the corner, smiles softly to himself at the little plan his two boys Thatch and Marco came up with.

“Clever.” Whitebeard comments, revealing himself to the two.

Not surprised, Marco and Thatch simply smiled and turned to their Pops.

“I didn’t think any of us would allow Ace to spend New Years away from his significant other.” Thatch hums, stretching his arms and let them lay behind his head.

“I’m sure you would have gave him a beating if he actually chose to stay here after leaving them at home alone.” Marco adds, crossing his arms as he smiles softly.

Whitebeard chortles as he turns away. “You’re damn right I would. Leave him be. It won’t hurt to have one New Years without him.”

-

Playing the same song on repeat, you were laying down, enjoying the music softly playing in the background and continued to stare at the picture frame above you in your hands.

“Someone take me home... someone take me-“

There was a loud, pounding knock on your door.

Startled, you sat up on your bed and sniffed, wiping any tears that gave yet to dry, and walked over to the door, leaving your room.

The knocking didn’t stop.

“It’s New Year’s Eve....” you mumble to yourself, wondering who the hell was at the door, and finally making it, you pull open the door.

And there he was.

Standing on your porch, right outside your doorway, stood someone you very least expected.

“Ace?”

“Hi..”

Brows furrowed as you watch him standing there, clearly out of breath and covered in the snow that was falling.

“Hi?.. Ace... what are you doing here? I thought you were going home to spend time with—“

Dropping his bag, Ace lunges himself towards you immediately, pressing his lips with yours, cheeks being caressed and cupped by his hands.

Your eyes widen as you stood frozen, still processing what he was doing and what was occurring.

His cold thumbs successfully wiping away at the teardrops that were streaming down your cheeks from your silent crying earlier.

Though his lips were chapped, they weren’t at all cold.

All they gave you was love and warmth, which was more than enough to block out the cold since the door was still wide open.

Soon enough, your arms stretch themselves around his neck desperately, more tears streaming down your wet cheeks as you eagerly kissed him back.

It didn’t take long for Ace to pull away, looking down at your glossy, tear-filled eyes with his lips still centimeters away.

The softest whisper came out as he wiped your tears once more.

“I am home. You are my home.”

And so, he presses his lips against yours once more.

-

A/N : AAAAH I THOUGHT THIS WAS CUTEEEE!

okay but Fr, I know the song didn’t make too much sense..? But. I wrote it and I didn’t wanna change it because I’m lazy.

I hope you enjoyed this!! And I’m SO SORRY requests aren’t coming out- TuT

[remsmoonlight]

— title : glitter in the sky

— word count : 2.3 k words

— pairing : loki x reader

— summary : before putting into place his plan for thor’s coronation, he seeks you out one more time for comfort only you can provide

— warnings : maybe a teeeeeny bit of thor bashing but incredibly minor .. love ‘im fr , bit of sadness

         ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　requested ? nope　/   requests are open  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

an: i got this idea, first from watching the first thor movie because aw, and then moving onto silent hill and that field scene is a whole vibe..... who doesn’t wanna just chill randomly in a field with the sun on your skin with no responsibilities? hell yeah .. anyways this just got away from me in a way ha

Trailing your gaze up to the sky, your eyes marvel at the merging colours as you study them intently, witnessing the blend of hues and tones from a bright blue to a mixture of warm pinks and burnt oranges light up the surrounding area before you knew they would fade into nothing more than a dark blanket who’s only source of light would be the moonlight and the stars that would litter it.

Your shoes crunching the dry grass and the sounds of chirping from the various wildlife encompasses you, it takes all of your strength to not allow a large grin to brighten your features.

Despite being so late in the afternoon, time walking on a fine line towards the early evening, the heat from the sun is still so strong, comfortably toasting your skin as a heavy blanket on a cold winter’s night would.

In the distance you’re able to spot the intimidating stature of the aged tree, though it’s intimidating in name only  ⎯  for now it holds only those memories that lay locked deep within your heart. Your situation is a rather unusual one. Many summer afternoons had been spent shielded from the harsh rays of sunlight that shone over everything it could touch, though they hadn’t been spent alone. Rather, they’d been spent with an exceedingly phenomenal man. Can he even be called that? You wonder to yourself, Loki was far from human. Far, far from it.

“ to think I had been of the belief you would not be appearing. “

The suddenness of the voice slicing through the noises of the concealed fields would have shocked you more had it not been so honeyed. Holding the recognisable smoothness that you only associated with Loki.

“ this is the first time I’ve ever been late, thank you very much. “ you answer with an unwavering nerve as you stare at him while amusement floods your expression.

“ and the last, I’m sure? “ an eyebrow raises as he questions you, a warmth brightening his aura against the coolness he exudes normally.

Believing he’s not of Earth had been hard for you to grip, to believe fully, no matter how many tricks he could conjure before your very eyes. Though disappearing right before you, then feeling the whisper of his breath dance on the back of your neck so gracefully had been the confirmation you required. From there on a friendship blossomed into something more, you both becoming more and more involved with the other. Holding such unbelievable secrets were not a common place for you, to have this continues to make you feel like such a special soul.

“ oh, shut up! “

You stroll towards him, closing the distance with an enthusiastic energy that not even the longest of days could wear you down. Nothing in the world makes you feel so secure and guarded than when you finally feel the weight of his arms snake around you to bring you forward into his embrace. For Loki, you are a home away from home. Never do you gaze upon him with untrustful eyes, nor do you view him as beneath you, many negative connotations are attached to his name and you? You simply see him for who he wishes he could be, only ever in your presence does he try not to disappoint you. Back on Asgard that’s all anyone ever expects, so why not play into their prejudices? It has protected him so far, though the thought that perhaps even that has done more harm than good tresspasses into his mind on a rare occasion.

It’s not something he wishes to think about there though. He wants to dedicate his short visit to you entirely. Pushing away the increasingly regular thought it’s just a heartbeat, he is not one to be naive to pretend. Illusions are second nature to him, to forge them as easily to breathe, but to experience them are something that is in his power to prevent. He could allow this one instance to be selfish.

“ might I inquire of your wellbeing since we parted last? “ he requests as fingers entwine with yours to guide you to the slight hollow space within the tree. You drop yourself without any elegance to the ground, he settles behind you with his legs on either side of yours.

You can’t help but marvel at the differences between the two of you, like night and day. However, your differences fit like a puzzle with no inconvenience.

“ life keeps trying to test my patience, same as ever but ⎯ “ you pause, your eyes shining with remembrance of the gift you had brought, of course you knew it’s nothing more than a silly little trinket but you couldn’t help but fall in love with it. “ here, my friend’s been making these pieces for their business and I couldn’t help but think of you. “

Adoration is the only thing that overwhelms him in this moment, it’s a feeling he wants to lock away to relive over and over, for the only time he has never been treated as an afterthought is by his mother. Now? It’s a feeling that hasn’t been forged by a bond born of blood, but one that has arisen naturally. The item in your hand is a small metal band, with designs etched onto its body.

“ it’s only a little thing I know ⎯ “ you begin to babble, the words tumbling before you could even stop them. Your mind losing all control over your language before Loki put a stop to it.

“ I’ll have you know it’s not the physical item itself, but the sentiment behind it I hold dear. “

You want to respond with equally sweet words, but the heavy tone doesn’t go undiscovered by your ears.

“ Loki, what’s wrong? “

“ nothing, why do you ask? “ the God denies, switching the questioning to you.

Turning to face him, your eyes scout all over his features to spot anything that would give you cause to continue on with your concern. It’s light, the ghost of sorrow concealed behind a curtain of confidence and ego, even the most professional of liars can’t hide the truth of that. The hurt cuts too deep for a flimsy pretense of everything being perfect for it to bury those feelings.

“ you’re an amazing liar, but I’m beginning to get the hang of you. Besides, sadness is something difficult to completely hide. “

A heavy breath is released, your fingers from their position on his shoulders feel as if there’s an invisible weight that has almost decreased. You wonder how long he has carried this with him.

“ tell me. “

Every fibre of Loki’s being is fighting to keep his feelings kept away out of sight, to imagine they never manifested themselves into reality, but locked into place by the profound compassion swirling in your eyes he wants to finally divulge everything in his mind that has been plaguing him. Who knew a mortal could have such an enchanting effect he thought humourfully to himself.

“ the deadline for a successor to my father’s throne is approaching. “

“ and you’re worried? “ your brows lower, confusion marking your features as you struggle to understand why that could be so bad?

“ I've veiled many things from you, a fault of mine I understand completely. “ he admits, a sorrowful smile gracing his lips.

“ it’s never too late to share them. It might help you feel better? “

Loki wonders just what it is he has done in his history to be blessed with such an understanding and caring soul as yours, nothing could ease the lasting effects of each and every of his transgressions over his many years of living. How exactly could such radiance and light find the dark Prince of Asgard so easily? Many who lived in his realm would argue that he’s not deserving, instead countering that his brother should be in such a position of happiness.

He simply gazes upon you before speaking, a slender finger raising to tuck a few stray hairs behind your ear.

“ the successor has already been chosen, they always have been. This is a mere formality. “ switching his sight from you to the environment around you both, turning to look upon the steadily darkening sky.

“ so why do it then? “

“ to ensure that the process is seen as fair, despite the favour repeatedly falling to my brother. “

Nodding in understanding, you finally realise why there is a darkness that swirls over his head now he speaks of the topic. Living in the shadow of the golden child is not easy, your heart hurts as you realise that there must be many people who do not see the same man who you see. They see audacity instead of a daringness, to mistake him for an egotistical know it all instead of someone who has a thirst for knowledge and tricks.

“ never did they wish to stop viewing me as a troublesome child, I suppose I never aided in changing that. “

Nothing falls from your lips, knowing no words could do justice for what you need him to know, to feel. Twisting yourself onto your knees, you lean forward and allow your arms to provide him comfort as they surround his neck. One hand raises to rest in the dense raven locks of hair you constantly marvel over, moving ever so softly to trace patterns.

“ I’m sorry. “ you mumble softly, wanting to say more, but you can’t help but resign yourself to being unable to say anything meaningful. Instead, figuring it would be better, first, for him to speak his emotions without looking for any advice.

“ you’ve nothing to apologise for. The pieces will fall as they should. “ he comforts, whining to himself over the absence of your warmth as you withdraw the embrace.

“ Loki, what do you mean by that? “

“ nothing for you to worry yourself over, my dove. “ he shakes his head, as a chuckle that is short accompanies it, contains little genuine amusement to settle you.

“ I’m being serious, what are you talking about? “ your demand is light in touch, though your gaze holds an unrelenting strength as he looks towards you once more.

“ again, nothing that requires your concern. Midgardians, you worry too much. “

“ over things that can get the people we love into trouble, of course. “

His heart pauses in beating as the words seep into his mind, realising exactly what you spoke. Briefly, does he wonder if he misheard you, thought deep down he knows what you spoke.

“ did you ⎯ ? “ an unrecognisable vulnerability crosses his expression as he begins to ask what you had said, to hear it again as if for the first time.

A reddening of you cheeks can be seen, you look down with a sheepish grin. This had not been the way you had imagined using the love word. Of course, over the years of your life many things had not gone to plan, so this was just another instance in a long, long line of events that just got away from you. While you know there is something mutual, you can’t bring yourself to look upon him just yet.

“ you heard me correctly. “

Elation swells within him, even the thought of perhaps you would prefer Thor had you met him first could not creep more than a few feet before being banished from sight and mind, it’s not something he wants to entertain. Especially for what he has in mind to plan for the future. Instead, he allows himself to be engulfed in your love, to experience the last piece of goodness that has been reserved for him, knowing it won’t last.

All you feel from your dropped gaze is your nose being nudged by his, then the weight of his lips on your own. Moving together as if they are fighting to mould into one, fitting together so well. Both of you are left breathless, momentarily caught in the feeling of the other that oxygen is the last thing on your mind.

“ do not trouble yourself over events that have not come to pass yet. Especially on an evening as fine as this. “

The corner of your lips tilt higher as your turn away from him to peer over the surroundings you had briefly forgotten. The burnt colours had long since faded into darkness, the stars being the only light as they can only be likened to being glitter in the night’s sky. A true beauty.

“ I love nights like these, where you can see all of the stars. “

“ you’d be besotted with Asgard’s constellations. “

You’d settled back into the position you were in previously, with arms encompassing you protectively with your back secured firmly to his chest. Loki explains the beauty of Asgard, and how even in the day the stars can still be seen against the shining vividness of the colours of their sky. Quarrelling against the gold hues from both the sun and the palace he knows only as his home.

“ that sounds wonderful. “ you whisper, feeling fatigue sneaking its way to the forefront of your mind.

“ it truly is a beauty to see. “ agreeing with you, resting his head upon yours. Wishing nothing more than to be able to stay there in that moment forever.

“ I wish I could see it. I’m very jealous right now. “

He can feel you becoming increasingly drowsy, flattered that you would even let your guard enough to even allow sleep to touch you. Having you on Asgard would certainly make him a happier person, to have someone who isn’t his mother understand him would be freeing. Though his father would die before he allowed that to happen, a mortal on Asgard.

“ Perhaps one day. “

Loki can’t be sure if you even heard that, but it’s something he wants to entertain. Besides, what is the use of being a master of mischief and tricks if he couldn’t make such a desire come true?

[tutubola-moved-on]

Hi I like music and I kind of go wayyy too deep into the TPN soundtrack and I think it's about time I start throwing my thoughts out there before they spiral too much

Disclaimer!!! This is not a complete analysis at all, just a few thoughts on each of the songs. I'll probably revisit some of them in future parts if I ever do those aha anyways enjoy

(Part 1/?): 63194, Emma's Sorrow, Emma's Determination, 22194, Norman's Lament, The Promise Between Humans and Demons, Jailbreak and Isabella's Lullaby.

(manga spoilers)

I've done a lil smth smth on Main Theme 2 already and its my favourite song like ever aha this is a cry for help

here you go people

but now anyways fr

63194 (Season 1)

Wouldn't have started with this one cuz I'm still figuring it out but it was the first one that came up when I pressed shuffle

Let's just go straight to the point so we can move on. The first time we hear 63194 is in episode 2, when Norman is talking to Ray about their plan in the forest (or, as I like to call it, "boat scene"). It reaches its climax when Norman starts talking about how he'll use himself to ensure the escape plan will work.

And then it's only used again in episode 8, if I'm not mistaken, after Isabella tells them about Norman's shipment, thus foreshadowing him refusing to escape and using his "death" as a tool to help the others escape.

But alsooo the song is Emma's theme, so there's definitely some sort of meaning other than foreshadowing Norman's shipment. That's for later though cuz I'll have to think more. The beginning does sound a lot like Strauss' Metamorphosen, a piece symbolising how German culture was destroyed during WW2. Not sure what to do with that info for now.

If you'd like a little extra stuff, I also tried connecting the pieces to the Doctrine of Affections, a... thing some Baroque composers wrote that connected music keys to feelings. (I found many sources but I used this one).

63194 is in C Minor, which is described as "innocently sad" (although another source said "sweet but sad") and "lovesick." I think innocence really describes Emma, Ray, and Norman in general, as kids who never did anything wrong but were thrown into the wrong world. Innocently sad would be their conversations in boat scene. They're talking about life or death, it's not something kids should have to deal with.

But again, it's hopeful. Norman wants to create a boat made out of mud---he wants to save everyone---and he really believes it'll work. So although sad, it's also sweet. It's a light at the end of the tunnel, and also just an act of kindness. As for "lovesick," that would just describe Ray and Emma's inevitable longing for Norman after he was gone. Which brings us to...

Emma's Sorrow (エマの悲しみ) (Season 1)

The two times I remember Emma's Sorrow played was 1) When they first talked to Don and Gilda about the house and 2) During the infirmary flashback scene.

The Doctrine of Affections describes E Minor as "grief and longing." In the infirmary flashback scene that obviously not only shows how Norman longs for that time when they didn't know anything and everything was light and happy but also, once again, foreshadows Emma eventually having to grieve him.

Especially because they don't play the staccato part (short quick notes) that's in the original version. Instead, the strings are always present. In staccato, the music gets pretty,,, lowkey? because the instruments can't exactly "show off," whereas the legato (long/connected notes) really shows the true importance and impact each individual instrument has on the song. Considering how the strings (specifically the violins) in the soundtrack could symbolise Norman, it's showing how Norman is not just another guy who's in their group and planning the escape, but an actual friend they'll lose and who'll leave a significant emptiness behind. Not only brain power wise, but just.. you know he's a human being and it's gonna hurt either way.

Not only that, but the harmonies itself in Emma's Sorrow once the strings really do come in are really incomplete. Like, the piano part seems to be all over the place, but it comes together because of the strings. Norman was the one who brought Emma and Ray together, in a way, and isn't Emma and Ray clashing exactly what Shirai wanted when he sent Norman away? Yea...

And Emma's Sorrow is, of course, parallel to:

Emma's Determination (エマの決定) (Season 1)

Yea no I'm still gathering thoughts on that one. The ascending bass contrasting the descending bass in Emma's Sorrow is pretty cool, though. It plays when Don is going off about how he wants to be strong after punching Ray and Norman and it's in F# Minor, so "passionate resentment." Connect both and Don really is ready to change the world. He got slapped with this very very bad reality and naturally he's angry and he's sad and he wants to do anything in his power to save people.

But back to Norman.

(hi future me here. oh my god why am i only talking about norman this was not the route this was originally going to take im so sorry i swear there's more to this post than just norman brain rot 22194 is the last norman one)

22194 (Season 1) and Norman's Lament (ノーマンの嘆き) (Season 2)

22194 is in B Minor, so "patience" and "walking towards fate." That's pretty self explanatory considering how he, and I quote, "chose death." Yea. G Minor would be "uneasiness of the future," and once again, pretty self explanatory (The whole Lambda seizures thing and I'm The Only One Who Can Save The Humans Syndrome. Normy worries too much :/)

Comparing both is pretty fun, too. It's the same melody but in different keys and instruments and thus just give off different feelings. While 22194 is full of instruments and harmonies and is clearly structured, Norman's Lament is just. Empty. It's like it's trying to stay true to 22194, so the Norman from before, but at the end of every musical sentence it just drifts off. You can see parts of 22194 in there, but it's not the same. At all.

There's also no harmony. He wants to do everything himself, and discards all his bonds and friends for that. So sad. Stop him.

All that while 22194 is rich and beautiful and oh my god i love that song so much and it's just showing how Norman was a lot more lively and layered and human when he allowed people to come into his life (the harmonies) and listened to those people instead of just locking himself up and doing everything himself.

So in conclusion cuz I ramble a lot, 22194 is about GF Norman, who hadn't gone through all those things that turned him "evil," who trusted his friends and believed everything had a good, ethic solution. Norman's Lament is about Lambda/post-Lambda Norman, who had gone through a whole lot, and was now in a downwards spiral and had left everything behind to become God or whatever, but was also in denial that he had changed in the first place.

does this make sense no idea i'm typing this while sleep deprived and high on bread and i failed english this quarter

but that aside

The Promise Between Humans and Demons (人間と鬼の約束)(Season 2)

I love this song!!!!!! So much!!!!!!!!! I love the percussion, it's used so well. And I love the way the song builds up and adds more and more instruments until it eventually reaches a climax, like the growing tension between the humans and the demons during the war that snowballed and snowballed and eventually caused both sides to resort to the Promise.

And when the song comes down you can hear a very short "first draft" ish version of Isabella's Lullaby.

It's as if yes, all this mess went down and the demons and humans made this huge promise that completely changed the world and affected an entire society but then far far away from the Seven Walls and the Promise and oblivious of the Ratri Clan and the demons were these two tiny tiny children just singing a song and living happily. And those children---and that song---were the foundation for the entire revolution that ended with the Promise. Wow.

And it's in D Major, D Major is "Triumphant." The song itself sounds triumphant, and yes the Promise was gross but it was a nice little hello kitty band aid over the mess that was the world before it.

What was truly triumphant, though, was the kids' escape, which happened to the same melodic theme, albeit in a different key. Which leads me to...

Prison Break (脱獄) (Season 1)

Oh my God. I love this song.

It symbolises the kids breaking ties with Isabella and how many obstacles were in the way (not only was she their mom; their only mom who had cared for them for their entire lives, but she was also their enemy and did everything she could to prevent them from escaping). The second the brass comes in with the theme (around 0:53) it sounds like it's struggling to play it fully. In this case, Isabella, once the singing parts, would have lost her voice after being outwitted by the children (keep in mind the song starts playing after they've already reached the wall). After all, the song starts with a voice that seems to get more and more desperate before it's overrun by instruments, thus losing its power.

So she's trying to control them and get them back, but they won't let her. They're going to break free. So you have the melodic theme playing with significant breaks, until eventually it all goes silent. Why? Because they escaped. Isabella completely lost contact with them, they're free. And then you get the same melodic theme in The Promise Between Humans and Demons.

But the theme isn't played full. It's not played to the extent that they play it in TPBDAH, instead there's a lot of just "blank space" with no melody above it: that's where the children will write their melody---their story; a story independent from the Promise that shaped their lives thus far.

AGH.

I need a break but I'll be back

Isabella's Lullaby (イサベラの唄)

OK OK Continuing on Isabella I love how Sarah Alainn sings like she's crying. I really recommend this if you want to go deep on Isabella's Lullaby, they pretty much said everything I had to say. I don't go on youtube like ever and that might as well be one of my favourite videos LOL anyways

I also really recommend listening to the no vocal/piano solo version, the harmonies are so beautiful. And the more you listen to it the more you hear, there's always something new. The violins especially oh I love the way Takahiro Obata uses violins. Honourable mention to Nat King Ballade (ナットキングバラード) and Each Thought (それぞれの想い) (idk if thats the english name for it,,,, i've seen it as "Their Own Thoughts" too)

WELL THEN. What a ride. I'll go to sleep now. If anything is incoherent or u just wanna talk then send me askies or a dm smth idk aha i like music but i hate grammar :P

[pinkykitten]

are you bored yet?

synopsis: with uncertainties in life you cant say for certain if you and fred being together is a good thing or bad thing. so many things are running through your mind as you spend watching the sunset with the love of your life, fred weasley. 

pairing: fred weasley x female! reader (i swear im like obsessed w him i need therapy fr) words: 1,503 genre: fluff omg so much, romance, song based, writing challenge, one-shot

a/n: so this is based on the song are you bored yet by wallows. and this is for the writing challenge of @lunalovecroft​. i had so much fun writing this and as u can tell im currently in a fred spiral and its out of control but idc tbh. he is so beautiful and yes he is invading my dreams every night. enjoy yall and hope u like also thnx for liking my recent fred drabble so much it means a lot to me and requests are open! ps i also tried to incorporate the words and meaning of the songs lyrics to the story hope that makes sense. 

The ocean waves crashed against the soft, cool sand. It would simmer and relax, but then the pent up frustration mixed with wind would allow it to meet and kiss the earth. 

The future always scared you. Somedays you looked forward to it and other days just the unknown was filled with anxiety. It was the feeling of not being able to control loss and love, happiness and sadness. You would find yourself some nights thinking about it, almost losing your mind. 

The sun was setting so peacefully and beautifully. It was something so simple yet something so divine and of such importance. You had faith in the sun and space. Yes, everything around you may be changing and things might be going wrong but one thing was for certain was that the sun was going to rise and set every day, when the sun rises that will be your new chance at starting anew. 

It was so peaceful. The smell of sea was so inviting and comforting. What was more comforting was how Fred let your head rest against his chest. The feeling of worn out cotton against your cheek, as you heard his heart beat almost at the same rhythm as yours. It was if you two were in perfect sync. The faint smell of cologne that Fred always used to try to impress you made you feel at home, along with a small smell of something unknown to you but only Fred had that smell. Maybe it was gingers own scent. 

You sighed, relaxing. 

“So, love, what do you think about the muggle world?” Fred asked, wiggling his brows like he was the man.

You looked up at his freckled face, from his chest, giggling, “You know I’ve been here before.”

Fred laid back down and enjoyed the moment with you. But something was eating you up inside. It was starting to bug you that everyone had a someone. Ron to Hermione. Harry to Ginny. You were starting to feel left behind in the crowd. Again with the uncertainty. Everyone was with their soulmate and you felt lonely. 

You didn’t realize Fred was eyeing you this whole time you had this battle in your head. He could tell something was off. “What’s wrong?”

You very much disliked confrontation so you pretended to fall asleep. 

“I saw you were awake Y/N,” Fred sat up. He was patiently, quietly waiting for your answer. 

You sat up, kicking your feet against the peak you two were sitting on. The warmness from the sun making you smile just a bit. “I wish we didn’t have to leave. That we could sit here for the rest of our lives.”

Fred chuckled, scooting closer to you and resting his head against your shoulder. Something sparked within you at the contact. You could feel his breath on your neck, feeling the hair stand up on its own. You leaned your head against his and sighed once again. 

“I wish I could sit here with you forever too sweetheart. But unfortunately we’re really not supposed to be here and I bet some muggles would find us and we’d be toast.” Fred kissed your knuckles. 

You distanced yourself away from him, worrying Fred with wide eyes. You couldn’t bear the physical connection you two had and not have something from it. Yes, you and Fred were friends but you were wanting more than that. You yearned for more than that. “There is just so much on my mind,” you said quietly. You can tell you hurt Fred’s feelings but you needed to know what Fred was doing to you. Why did he kiss your hands? Why did he want to be with you daily? You needed support, something stable in your life. 

“Feels like I've known you my whole life I can see right through your lies,” Fred was worried seeing you so distant. 

He was right. He knew you in and out. He knew when you were okay and when you were not. You leaned back, “I like this guy and I’m afraid he doesn’t like me.”

“That’s bonkers! Who wouldn’t like you Y/N?” Fred tried not to grit his teeth at his jealousy. This man was so lucky. 

“I’m afraid Fred. I don’t know if he’ll feel the same way and when we get older will he still feel the same way about me? There is so much to think about. What if something happens to him? I would fall apart, I would be living in fear and paranoia.” You clenched your fists. 

“Wow, you do really love this man?”

You huffed as you looked into Fred’s eyes for a split second, hoping he would get the hint. “I do, I really do.”

Fred was silent. He was playing with his fingers. He usually had always something to say, seeing him like this was odd. 

“If you could tell me how you're feeling,” you held Fred’s hand. 

“I don't know where we're going But I'd like to be by your side,” Fred blurted out. You gasped as you took your hands away and held onto to your skirt, holding in your breath. “I can’t go on living knowing I didn’t at least try to stop you from being with that other guy. I know you love him Y/N but I love you. I can’t do this anymore. Kiss only your cheek when I want to kiss your lips so bad. I can’t make believe that every time you hold my hand I don’t feel a spark. Or when you come to my room every time you have a nightmare. When we cuddle, how I carry you on my back. I can’t make believe that those things don’t affect me. I can’t keep putting this wall between us and making believe we’re not something worth fighting for. Tell you the truth baby, I’m smitten with you. I’m so madly in love with you.”

Your lips trembled as tears fell down your cheeks. Fred couldn’t help himself and also found himself emotional, wiping his tears with his jumper sleeve. Nobody knew what to do. “Why are you crying love?” Fred whispered. 

“Because the man that I was referring to and talking about was you Fred,” you said with tear soaked lips. The wind carried your tears away. “I love you Fred Weasley.”

You both were knew in this territory of love. Love that you would sacrifice everything and risk more. Love that was unconditional. It was awkward the air funnily. 

“So are we more than friends then? Like boyfriend and girlfriend?” Fred was so shy. You both just confessed your loves for each other, nobody knew what to do. You both were just friends for so long. 

“When we get old, will we regret this?” You asked, bashfully. 

“I will never in my whole existence ever regret meeting you and being your love. No matter what tough trials come, I know I will always be by your side.”

“I will forever love you Fred. There is not one person on this world I love more than you. I’m so grateful I was sent to Hogwarts because you’re my favorite person.” You gave a small, genuine smile. “Maybe we'd get through this undefeated Holding on for so long.”

In one swift moment, Fred’s lips came crashing down against yours. It was with such passion and fire. Like Fred was preparing his whole life for this one spectacular moment. His lips moved against your and you couldn’t help but deepen the kiss by running your fingers through his orange locks and pushing him more towards you. You wanted everything he got. 

Fred pushed you back and wrapped his warm hands on the back of your neck. Your hands fell to his collar and you clutched onto it with all your might. You felt you might explode. Fred went from your lips to smothering you in kisses all over your face. You heard his laugh and saw his toothy smile but it was better because his freckled covered cheeks were such a cute pink. He was blushing the whole time. Fred kissed your nose and you and him laughed together, simply in love. He leaned his head against you for one moment and leaned back in his spot on the cliff. 

You were out of breath and stunned. Did that just happen? You were so happy it did. You sat there surprised by the amazing kiss, touching your lips and feeling them sting a little from the contact. It was incredible. The best sensation of your life. 

Fred saw you the whole time, smirking. He coughed to get your attention and your eyes traveled up to see the most amazing view. He was leaning back, his lean neck resting back against his shoulders as his adams apple bobbed. But what got you choked up was his lips were plump and wet from your twos make out session. His skin was flawless with his freckles and his eyes were bright and light from the sunsetting. The sun’s rays hit his face just perfectly to make him look like a prince. Like he came down from heaven. You were so dumbfounded at how a man could look this beautiful and handsome. 

Fred smirked as he bit his lip, winking, wanting to tease you, “I don’t know if you wanna get out of here or maybe go get a bite together as I’m your new boyfriend. I mean 'Cause we could stay at home and watch the sunset But I can't help from asking, Are you bored yet?"

a/n: ive been listening to this song on repeat and know its in my head and i just want to make an edit of fred for this song cuz he is so bf material. thnx for all the love and support stay safe guys and tysm. 

[smalltragedy]

* herman tommeraas, cis man + he/him | you know donovan mercer, right? they’re twenty one, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ice boy by corbin like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 15th, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

looks away as i finally post his intro after being kinda awol fr however long. i love him a lot n hes also bri’s character mercy’s younger brother so u hv to be nice to him. think abt mercy’s life. then think abt ducky. im sry in advance tht his intro’s a little longer ive hd ducky fr like. a year or two n i’ve been playing him a While <3 as always like this if u’d like 2 plot n i’ll try 2 msg u bck bt otherwise im gna just hop right into threads bc obv i need to. change my methods.

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

father ;; the front bottoms / ice boy ;; corbin / lose yourself ;; eminem / my own worst enemy ;; lit / say it ain’t so ;; weezer / maps ;; yeah yeah yeahs / star stopping ;; lil peep / benz truck ;; lil peep / trauma ;; nf / northern downpour ;; panic! at the disco / your graduation ;; modern baseball.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: intp & theorist / phlegmatic.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out). 

pinterest.

biography.

born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)

his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.

implied abuse tw // their father was not kind, or merciful - and ducky was a runt compared to mercy, small and sensitive and kinder than his brother. weak, and filled with softness, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice - but it didn’t. and it never did.

he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed. implied abuse end of tw

he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.

abuse mention // but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be. end of abuse mention

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

abuse mention // anxiety mention // anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

heavy abuse tw // violence tw // it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse. 

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

the mercer brothers have been floating around the north carolina scene for ~5ish years now, trailing after their father who is consistently chasing after their mother with no luck. they’re currently residing in palm motel. can we get a hell yeah?

personality & facts.

he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.

and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.

he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.

it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.

you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.

violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be on him harder. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures at the community college, occasionally, or physics, or whatever peeks the small curiosity inside of him.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs and leaves the rest for mercy. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy.

a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing.

he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.

in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.

drug abuse // has a. complicated relationship with benzos n xanax n a various assortment of painkillers. ironic bc he hates drugs due to. his chosen career n wldnt do most of what they sell, bt yknow. this ws inevitable. hates beer bt forces himself 2 drink it bc toxic masculinity probably man idk.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

violence mention // purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.

wanted plots.

u look good tonight ... ;; wld love a connection in which he is feeling emotionally compromised n maybe kinda hs a thing w someone bt hes like. very unreliable n kinda ghosting bc he is very afraid n it wld b maybe bad fr them to b anything other than hook ups. cld apply to smth very intensive or smth very surface lvl i’ll take thousands.

palms sweaty ... moms spaghetti ... ;; ppl tht ducky just hs fkn brawled. cld b anybody fr any reason. ducky prob lost n he prob lost on purpose bt also ur muse cld maybe kick ducky’s ass? cld b a fake fight cld b a real fight. cld b a npc fight n then ur muse cn patch up ducky? possibilities endless. maybe they hv a nice spaghetti dinner n both of them r both bruised up frm their fight. sometimes fights end in spaghetti dinners. thanks eminnem or whatever.

own worse enemy... ;; ducky needs friends bt hes bad at making friends n sometimes he fks shit up by pushing ppl away n self sabotaging n being a major cunt n sometimes he just ghosts bt hes always very remorseful abt it? this cld b a very like. up n down friendship of any type its just. where do they stand. r they friends. r they enemies. r they lovers? probably not lovers. prob just platonic. but still its the thought tht counts. 

and also ;; literally just like. anything. clients who buy off of him n like. casual friends n casual enemies n casual hookups. ppl hes ghosted. ppl hes embarrassed himself in front of. maybe ur muse tries to get ducky to socialize or maybe ducky is like. u are too much fr me. n ur muse runs off crying. endless possibilities all u hv to do is call this number now. 

[justwritethatdown]

Bechloe Week 2020 – Day3: Drunk Texts 

We were bound to be together

An au where Beca didn't get together with Jesse and that allowed her relationship with Chloe to grow.

or

The way Pitch Perfect 1 should have gone ;)

Set during Beca’s first two years at Barden; everything goes as it should, nothing angsty happens and everyone is happy. Just a sloppy falling-in-love story between two college girls, told through their drunk texts, kind of...

Rating: T

Words Count: 2.5K

Thanks to @viharistenno for being my beta

Read here or on AO3

She took my arm, I don’t know how it happened

 After Hood Night, Beca was lying on her bed; the weird buzzing in her brain caused by alcohol made it hard for her to fall asleep. She wasn’t used to drinking and partying with strangers until late night, but she had to admit it wasn’t the worst thing she’d done. That Jesse seemed nice after all, a little pushy maybe, but Beca knew she needed a push sometimes, maybe she should give him a chance-

Her phone buzzed on the nightstand

CHLOE BEALE: Im so glad that I met you xx

BECA: Yeah, you kinda mentioned that…

Beca bit her bottom lip and a bright smile formed on her face. There was something about Chloe, that didn’t make Beca want to push her away. On the contrary, it was rather a pull, that made Beca want to get closer to her.

She placed the phone on her stomach, letting out a heavy sigh, smile still present on her lips. Beca couldn’t believe she actually auditioned for an acapella singing group, just because a crazy – naked – girl told her to, after crushing her shower and forcing her to sing with her; it was a situation that normally would have made her run for the hills and yet, she went to the audition – and she got in – and to the following party. Beca didn’t even know how that happened, Chloe had dragged her into this whole new world, and she was kinda okay with that.

It confused Beca; for the first time her instinct didn’t tell her to push this person away, it told her to get to know her better, to become her friend, but most of all Beca wanted Chloe to like her, she wanted to impress her. She checked her phone to see if Chloe had texted her anything else, but there were no new messages, so she let out another sigh – a disappointed one this time – and put the phone away.

Maybe Chloe was still with shower guy, they seemed to be pretty close at the party. Her stomach twisted and Beca huffed again; the way Chloe had grabbed her arms and how close she got to her while talking, gave her some vibes, for a moment she’d thought that the redhead was flirting with her – a thought she wasn’t completely opposed to – but then she saw her with that guy while she was busy talking to Jesse, and kicked herself for being so delusional, she was well aware they were having sex in the sowers, they were obviously together.

Beca shook her head and rolled her eyes to herself, turning to her side to try to sleep.

  I felt it in my chest as she looked at me

  CHLOE: Admit you had fun tonight! :P

Beca was a bit more tipsy than usual – okay, let’s say she was drunk – but it wasn’t her fault; Amy arrived there with the clear internet of getting the brunette drunk that night. She dumbly smiled at her phone and almost gave in, but then she remembered their bet.

“I don’t know why I let you drag me to this stupid party” she spat out when they arrived at the ΣΒΘ frat house.

“Come on, I bet you’re going to have fun” cheered Chloe making Beca roll her eyes.

“I doubt it” stated the brunette.

“We’re here bitches!” screamed Amy going straight for the alcohol table, followed by Stacie.

When her head started to spin, Beca realized that maybe she’d let Amy fix her one drink too much, but she didn’t care, not when Chloe was leaning in so close to whisper things in her ear – shout actually, to be heard over the loud music – and had one arm wrapped around Beca’s shoulders; the weight of Chloe on her felt amazing and the way Chloe looked at her made her heart do funny things in her chest.

Beca definitely blamed it on the alcohol, but deep inside she knew it was the same feeling she had the first time they met at the activities fair; that smile Chloe gave her and those blue eyes, so deep that Beca felt like she was drowning in them, knocked all the air out of her lungs and she felt her heart racing.

Even if she did run away that time, Beca just couldn’t stop thinking about her, until that girl jumped in her shower, making Beca incredibly frustrated and embarrassed. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t help but looking – more than once – at the girl’s naked body and her mind wandered without her permission. Chloe was undeniably beautiful, and her confidence made her even hotter.

Beca should have known then that she was gone, but – always oblivious to her own feelings – it took her several weeks of parties and rehearsals to know that she had, in fact, fallen head over hills for the redhead.

Suddenly Beca felt Chloe stepping away from her and saw the girl launching herself into Tom’s arms. The brunette found herself downing the remains of her drink and accepting a new one from Amy. The rest of the night is still a blur, she vaguely remembered Jesse helping her through her dorm room door and saying good night, at which she believed she grunted before the guy closed the door behind him.

Beca frowned at the memory and looked back at her phone; there was a new message on the screen

CHLOE: you disappeared tho. Stacie said you left w Jesse :(

BEC: yoy wr wit Tom

CHLOE: I told you I was going to say hi and when I came back you were gone >.<

BEC: are u tofether?

CHLOE: No, I’m alone

BEC: no I mwan ar you datingm

BEC: ?

Chloe started typing and deleting and Beca started to freak out; she’d known this girl for less than a year, she saw her with Tom from day one, she had no right whatsoever to be upset about them dating, even if Chloe had been sending her mixed signals from the start and was annoyingly touchy and loving and not-so-unintentionally made Beca’s head spin more than alcohol did

CHLOE: No, he’s not my boyfriend. We used to be fwb but I ended it a while ago because I started to like someone… :)<3

  Just keep your eyes on me

 The following day Beca felt like shit; her head hurt, and she felt nauseous, that’s why she was immensely grateful to Chloe for dragging her to that stupid party the night before their special rehearsal’s session.

“Remind me to kill you when this is over” she lamented when Chloe greeted her with her usual bright smile – the girl clearly didn’t drink as much as Beca did the night before – and a quick hug

“Can’t wait” winked the redhead, making Beca’s blood boil in her veins.

Chloe really looked amazing that morning and was clearly making an effort to be noticed by the brunette; she managed to make even that idiotic hostess choreography look beautiful. It wasn’t just the dancing, Beca found every movement Chloe made incredibly sexy, maybe because of that half confession she had made the night before, or maybe because Beca knew Chloe was doing it on purpose; she knew it because Chloe basically never dropped her eye contact with Beca, almost like she was trying to cast a spell on her, and maybe she did.

“You’re on a mission today huh?” Beca hushed to her during a break

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” answered Chloe wearing a shit eating grin

“Well, better for me then, I’m enjoying the show” she shot back without thinking too much about it and regretting it right away, but the fire it lit in Chloe’s eyes told her she’d said just the right thing.

“What’s with all this eye fucking?” suddenly spat out Amy, making the room giggle. Except for Beca who became bright red, and Aubrey who cleared her throat glaring at Chloe, who innocently smiled biting her lip.

“Did you finally hook up or something?” asked Stacie in amusement

“Can we focus on the damn choreography?” asked Aubrey grinding her teeth.

  Deep in her eyes, I think I see the future

 Beca’s plan was simple: to go to college for one year, convince her dad that she tried and have him send her to Los Angeles the following year to finally start working towards her dream of producing music. However, something along the way went incredibly wrong, or rather incredibly right, and now all she wanted was to stay there with those nerds who somehow became her family.

The look on Chloe’s face when they won the finals made Beca realize that her future wasn’t in LA, her future was right there with those girls, with Chloe. In that moment Beca felt like she belonged there; she saw her next few years at Barden, with the Bellas, and in the hug they shared, Beca felt that Chloe would be part of her life forever.

The girls celebrated in the Bellas’ sorority house and they all, even Aubrey, got incredibly wasted. Most of the girls had already moved there from their dorms and wouldn’t have to go anywhere after their party.

During the night Chloe made sure to let Beca know, more than once, how sad she was that the brunette had decided to really leave for Los Angeles in the end, instead of moving in with her, and she never left her side the whole night. They drank together and laughed and danced, and they almost kissed, but Chloe pulled away last minute confusing Beca. When Beca asked her why, Chloe mumbled with watery eyes “you’re leaving, what’s the point?”, but immediately cleared her throat and dragged Beca to dance with the others. In her inebriated state, the music and Chloe’s body moving rhythmically against hers, were enough to distract Beca from that statement. Only later, walking back to her dorm, it carved its way back into her mind.

BEC ♡: I not gng to LA  

CHLO: ???

BEC ♡: im stang heee

Chloe’s reply was a string of emojis Beca was too drunk to interpret followed by

CHLO: yoy styng w the bellassssss

BEC ♡: im staying fr you

CHLO: were gnna be cocaptnsss!!!

  This woman is my destiny

 Beca’s second year at Barden started out completely differently from her first one; she was living in a sorority house along with eight other girls and was co-captain of the acapella group she led to victory the year before.

Her relationship with Chloe evolved in a strange way; they acted like a married couple now, but they never crossed the line, both too scared of ruining what they had. With Aubrey gone, the Bellas were their responsibility and Beca knew that was what mattered the most to Chloe, so she chose to focus on their acapella group. For Chloe, not because she was scared of fucking things up, obviously.

Their mutual pinning was clear to all their friends; some of them – Amy – teased them  about it, while others desperately tried to help them figure it out.

One night, during one of their let’s-get-drunk-because-why-not nights, they were playing truth or dare

“Beca” started Stacie “truth or dare?” she asked with a wicked smile, making Beca sweat

“Truth…” tentatively answered the brunette

“Do you have more than platonic feelings for anyone in this room?” asked Stacie raising an eyebrow. Chloe held her breath at that and Beca was the only one to miss it, too occupied freaking out

“Dare” blurted out Beca “dare, I meant dare!” Beca’s heart started beating dangerously fast, hoping that Stacie would have let her change her reply, but the girl’s eyes twinkled and Beca knew she’d fallen right into her trap.

“I dare you… to kiss the girl you have the biggest toner in the world for and release us all from this ridiculous sexual tension you two generate” commanded the tall girl rolling her eyes.

Beca felt all the air leave her lungs. Everything was silent around her and all she could hear was the uneven beating of her heart. She swallowed hard looking at Chloe to see what her reaction had been and the girl’s hesitant smile calmed Beca a little.

Beca wasn’t one to back down from a challenge and the alcohol in her system only made her more competitive, but most of all, there was nothing in the world she wanted more than to finally kiss Chloe, so she crossed the circle they were sitting in to reach the redhead on the other side of it. Chloe was biting her bottom lip in anticipation and Beca could see in her eyes that the girl wanted to kiss her just as much as she did.

Beca gently rested her palm on Chloe’s cheek. They didn’t speak, but they didn’t need words to communicate; their eyes were saying all they needed to say. They expressed how much they both wanted to do this, but only if the other was okay with that, and that it was going to be okay. They completely forgot they weren’t alone.

Beca leaned in and kissed her, Chloe wrapped her arms around Beca’s neck and pulled her closer, letting out a sigh that made Beca’s heart flutter. They stayed there, kneeling in the middle of the living room, kissing slowly and deeply, their lips moved together as if they were dancing. Beca wasn’t sure who deepened the kiss, but as soon as their tongues touched, a million fireworks went off in her brain, covering the sound of their friends whooping and clapping and wolf whistling – Amy – and making her forget her own name.

Beca couldn’t have enough of Chloe’s lips. When the kiss ended and Chloe tried to move away, Beca desperately chased her mouth and started kissing her again, gaining a chuckle from the redhead. The two girls were only separated by Amy accidently bathing them in tequila while waving a bottle in the air, shouting that they had to drink to that.

After two – or was it three? – Bhloe drinks, as Amy had named them, Beca was still snuggled up next to Chloe. They shared some quick kisses during the rest of the night and when they decided to go wrap it up, Beca really wasn’t ready to sleep. All she wanted to do was kiss Chloe all night long and the morning after, and for the rest of her life. When Chloe pulled her in for another kiss, she was happy to welcome Chloe’s tongue in her mouth again

“Good night, baby” whispered Chloe against her lips before leaving.

Beca was lying awake in her bed; she could still feel the ghost of Chloe’s lips lingering on hers. She took her phone and started typing.

BEC ♡: I lied at trth o dre I dont have a tner for you

CHLO: Bec…

*CHLO IS TYPING*

BEC ♡: Im crazy abt yoy! youre my destiny

BEC ♡: you’re

CHLO: you jst gve me a heartattack yoi asshole1

BEC ♡: srry xD

CHLO: wnna cme here to sleep w me?

BEC ♡: we r drnk…

CHLO:  I jut wanna slp

BEC ♡: Any wll tease th shit out of us

CHLO: I don’t care

CHLO: I miss u

Beca didn’t really use much her bed in the Bellas’ house.