#im sorry im bad at justifying myself for this kind of ideas??

[arcsin27]

Justifying to myself why the narrative foils are who I think they are using the themes I identified in that other post.

Keep in mind 1. My memory can be hazy 2. Im not the best at criticism, characterization, or theme analysis. I’m kinda just vibin

Maki (P1): Escape - Although it was technically Kandori’s doing, the alternate reality was created by Maki. It was her ideal world, an internal place she could retreat to to escape her bleak life. She represents the idea that running and hiding - to the point of escaping life entirely and wishing to die - is acceptable until the party helps her realize the errors in this way of thinking. I’d bet Kandori could fit this theme too to some degree but I straight up can’t remember :(

Jun (P2IS): Dreams - Jun’s entire character revolves around dreams. This isn’t a bad thing; the main party is very similar in this regard. The main problem comes from his methodology. Instead of believing in obtaining dreams through hard work and dedication, he instead grants them like wishes. The party, especially Maya, teaches him that this cheapens them. Secondary issues include his ability to steal dreams, leaving people as empty husks that fade away without accomplishing anything, and his granting of destructive dreams that are detrimental to those around the dreamer.

Sudou(?) (P2EP): Acceptance - So I’m not really sure about this one… I never really thought about who the antagonist of p2ep is. Doesn’t help that I didn’t understand and don’t remember the plot :|. If I recall, Tatsuya Sudou is a major antagonist because he could not accept his situation. He hated his father and his life, and upon learning of the Other Side, he could not accept his reality either. The party struggles with acceptance as well, but while they learned to cope and move forward, Tatsuya dies still wishing things were different, even if they could never be. I’m assuming Tatsuzou is also a good fit but I deadass cannot remember a thing about him lmao maybe others will have a proper answer for this entry

Ryoji (P3): Death - Yeah yeah Ikutsuki and even Takaya probably fit better but still. I like him more lol. But he still fits regardless. The theme of the game is basically to disregard or overcome death, right? Well Ryoji is death itself. Plus, Makoto is withdrawn and shuts the world out, whereas Ryoji is open and friendly and sees the beauty in life. Then they switch. Makoto wants to hold onto life and defeat death, but Ryoji tells him it is impossible. He becomes inevitability and ignorance while Makoto becomes rebellion and openness. But also, since Ikutsuki and Takaya want to bring about death and blindness to the world they’d also work pretty well. Maybe it’s because they get dealt with quickly that I don’t see them very well in this position? Or because Ryoji is more perfectly tailored to Makoto than the others? Or maybe I just like Ryoji lol

Adachi (P4): Truth - Ngl I didn’t finish this one so I don’t actually know much about Adachi, sorry :( I know he is tailored for Narukami, like Ryoji is for Makoto, so just with that he’s basically confirmed to be the narrative foil in my eyes lmao. From what I’ve heard, and from the wild guesses I’ve made, I’d think that Adachi is the type of foil that’s identical to the other instead of opposite? He is living his true self, and he doesn’t care what others think of this decision. Narukami also chooses to be his true self of course, that’s the point of the game. I’m guessing the difference is that Narukami chose kindness as his truth while Adachi chose hatred? Idk I’ll need help with this one

Akechi (P5): Rebellion - Akechi is the narrative foil. Do I have to explain it? The game beats you over the head with it no matter the version. Chosen to be opposing forces by god, “two sides same coin,” constantly comparing themselves to each other, etc. The tricky thing is how exactly they foil each other. Just a minute ago I was explaining Akechi to someone and out of nowhere I said that his sense of justice serves himself while Ren’s serves others, so there’s that. Wait it’s rebellion shit uh… well same deal, Ren rebels against adults in power to help others while Akechi rebels against adults in power to help himself. It could also be because Ren’s rebellion is meant to fix things and heal society while Akechi’s is meant to destroy and give him vengeance. They’ve both been abused and heals down by adults and society, but while Ren rebels against those who wronged him, Akechi just sort of lashes out and anyone. Plus, Akechi is actually not rebelling for most of the game, but is under the strict control of a said adult in power. Meanwhile Ren is completely free, rebelling against adults instead of being under their thumb. I’d like to note I only have so many options because, like I said, I’m not the best analyzer. Each of them sound accurate to me but idk their characters and the themes well enough to choose one ;-;

[222-justfornow-333]

So if ur looking for help/fem help idk I would definitely limit coquette and other likewise aesthetics as I think they are passing on a lot of toxic and superficial ideas… and I don’t want to mean it in any mean way! I’m just concerned seeing posts that programme us to think certain ways that may not be beneficial for us or others. And the perfectionism and wanting everything to be perfect is I think bad too and I struggled a lot with this and still struggle but it may be my ocd… idk I really really don’t want to sound like I want to be mean or anything… I hope you’ll have a nice day or night or anything..: I think just exchanging views with one another, even if they are very different, and especially then, creates opportunity for a lot of growth and confrontation with our beliefs::: it helps us change:) sorry for this being so long…

If ur still looking for fem energy I would recommend you a book “woman who run with the wolves”, YouTube channel Sara K(her life talks I love them), fka twigs obviously and austra (artist)

♦️👹🫶💕💖❣️🧶🧃

i definitely agree with you on a lot of what youre saying!! its actually very helpful to hear this, as struggling with perfectionism/extremes of that, that don't reflex reality is something i also struggle with (def ocd for me too), thank you for the fem help recommendations!! (I'll add björk to that mix)

idk i'm not really in the mood to justify myself, Im just mucking around like everyone else on here lol

thank you though for reaching out :), i can tell you're a very kind soul (and i dont say that to be generic!)

[13thdoodle]

So I only found your blog like 5 min ago and I am REALLY curious about your unicorn blood au. Like, I understand why phantom would probably chug some unicorn juice (Pariah asked him, he did it to take him on, etc) but why did Fenton do it? Bc this does not have *quite* the same vibe as going into a non-working "portal" to a realm you don't even believe exists and accidently pushing the on button. You have to very specifically *drink* unicorn blood and it's hard to mistake it for anything else.

aksjdnakjsdnsjadk im

idk how to tell you man this was like a crack-turn-serious au?? it starts off as a dumb idea where these two drink the ✨ sparkly forbidden juice ✨ on their own n now end up sharing a body coz they both half alive (coz.. ya know.. half alive + half alive = kinda alive lmao)

and now that i made it serious i actually have 0 idea why they do that??

like on one hand it would be cool if they have reasons behind it, like what you said there), but on the other hand.... wouldn’t it be fcked up if they drink it out of stupid impulse and turns out it has a long lasting impact on them? Phantom specifically because he got at least few centuries to mull this over n i just happen to like making the boi suffer kansdaks

And i mean.. yeah it doesnt have the same vibe on that ground, but it do have the same “impulse decision now made me half dead” kind of way??

but yeah im, i always kinda think danny walking into the portal is moreless out of a dare with sam n tuck, regardless he believes in ghost zone or not, and that impulse costs him. So maybe sth similar here? got dared to chug the sparkly blood because a sip of it making u immortal?? sounds fake, now go try it

as for phantom tho i still cant think of one so akjnsdkas

[miss-kittyy]

🌌 for the ask game?

🌌Twilight - Favourite ship and least favourite ship

I can’t choose just one so I’ll do top three in no particular order

Fernsong x Ivypool: this ship is the one thing standing between Warriors and complete misogyny (/hj). All their canon interactions are 10/10 Fernsong sees the best in Ivypool and rlly admires her and its clear that Ivypool rlly loves being around him even if she’s too prickly to admit it. But I also headcanon Fernsong as autistic, he prefers doing jobs in camp like helping the medicine cats and queens rather than hunting or fighting cause he finds it confusing and/or over stimulating while Ivypool I headcanon as having PTSD so she likes to patrol and hunt but can’t a lot of the time because she gets distressed and paranoid, so Fernsong accompanies her while she does her duties and does grounding exercises with her if needed, so they’re a rlly good team!! I also think Fernsong’s relationship with Lionblaze has a lot of potential regarding his relationship since I can’t imagine Ivypool likes Lionblaze very much given that he was totally on board with keeping her in an abusive situation as a child for the greater good even though he could’ve done it himself because he is literally invisible and defeating the dark forest is the reason why he had super powers in the first place. (Sorry Lionblaze lowkey pisses me off)

Feathertail x Sasha: read A Shadow in Riverclan and look me in the eyes and tell me they were not girlfriends. I love the trope of two individually troubled people finding eachother and loving eachother despite their pain so much and I think they could’ve worked things out if Feathertail didn’t die, she forgave Leapordstar she def would’ve forgave Sasha, also I understand why she was mad at her, even though it wasn’t justified I think it makes sense given Feathertail’s mental state. I also rlly like how you can actually see how their relationship developes, it’s not instant and you can understand WHY they like each other so much. I wish Feathertail hadn’t died, I wouldve traded Brambleclaw POV for Feathertail POV in a HEARTBEAT. I think Sasha might have stayed if Feathertail was still in Riverclan when she returned, after understanding her trauma more I def think Feathertail would have forgave and apologizing to Sasha. Seeing Sasha and Feathertail’s interact with Hawkfrost would have also been very interesting and could have fleshed him out more.

Grasspelt x Briarlight: I got another AU coming up that has to do with them, so I wont give to much away but I love the idea that indivually Grasspelt and Briarlight are both very smart and admirable cats but then when they get within 5 feet of eachother they both become goofy mushy idiots. I know Grasspelt is like a very minor side character so I’ve just given him a personality myself but just let me have this ok I am tired. They’d also make great parents!! I headcanon Grasspelt as autistic and I like to think he infodumps about how incredible Briarlight is- he is completely and unapoligetically in love with her and she thinks he’s a wonderful cat he lights up her life.

Least favourites:

Im not gonna include any of the obvouisly bad ships like firetiger or other shit like that, just assume all the pedophelic and abusive ships are also my least favourite, ok?

Daisy x Spiderleg: why did they feel the need to do Daisy like this?? What was the point??? I get that those types of relationships happen I’ll but I don’t see why you’d include it in the book if it wasn’t going to have any type of meaning beyond Leafpool being mad at Spiderleg. They could have still had that happen and then had Daisy get a mate that treats her right, I just feel bad at her.

Bumblestripe x Dovewing: Bumblestripe is such a pick me and their relationship reminds me a lot of a past friendship of mine that did not end well. Dovewing deserves better Bumblestripe is manipulative as hell and I feel like he takes advantage of Dovewing’s kind nature. I am so glad she left his pathetic ass, I rlly hope he doesn’t get a mate in the future and I am convinced Rosepeta’s crush on him was comp-het or something cause she must have some taste. I understand why Ivypool was for Bumblestripe and Dovewing’s relationship, she was still totally in the wrong and doesn’t deserve to be completely excused but it makes sense given her character, she’s been denied any agency for a rlly long time, Hawkfrost was her best friend and he treated her just as shitty as Bumblestripe treated Dovewing- so she’s less likely to see the red flags as they’ve been normalized to her. Everyone else though?? I have no idea why they told Dovewing to get with Bumblestripe he literally sucks so much. I think it should have just been Ivypool who said that cause it makes me dislike everyone else lmao.

Blossomfall x Ivypool: Blossomfall is mean to her as an apprentice and compares her to Dovepaw which fuels Ivypaw and Dovepaw’s unhealthy relationship, and then the only reason why they become friends is that Blossomfall gets sympathy from Ivypool and that strikes me as p toxic and unhealthy, obv if someone were to make an AU or headcanon where their relationship plays out differently than that’d be totally fine but in canon I just can’t see them doing anything but dragging eachother down- also Blossomfall is mean to Dovewing and Ivypool and Dovewing’s relationship is already strained as hell that would be very counterproductive.

[shifuto]

pls that person w/ the shipping takes makes me spiral every time they talk. they make it a moral thing and let me tell it makes me mentally unwell like unironically it makes me paranoid that im a Bad Person, esp when they start moralizing abt specific ships w/ nothing actually even wrong w/ them. it's rlly damaging to me. like god. god. you dont have to post this but i needed to let it out to someone who seems to Get It.

sorry this got really long X_X

tl;dr: you should try applying the logic people use against shipping or certain shipping dynamics, to fictional violence and question why only one is considered problematic while the other isn't. Sex negativity and a culture that abhors weirdos, while trivializing violent behaviour irl and in fiction, should tell you a lot

I think you should go ahead and preemptively block people. You have nothing to lose and much to gain. I do that all the time and it has made my navigating here much better. Guess the exception for me would be the Zexal fandom, since it's so small. Sometimes I will see wild shit like this and roll my eyes and hope people block me then because I'm one of those freaks in everyone's dnis hahaha

I hope this helps some. Have a nice day and stay weird anon, don't give in, there's others who appreciate you just how you are

here's the things: these are fictional stories with fictional characters that don't really exist. Yeah sure, it could be "a reflection of reality" and like.. what about it? It's still fictional lol

I used to struggle with this a lot myself, and used to be harassed, sui baited and everything back when I was on another fandom, because I draw/write porn of fictional characters. What helped me a lot was getting the logic these people use and apply it in other fictional settings such as.. violence, and question why only one is considered extremely problematic, and the other is not only socially acceptable but normalized. Trivializing violence actually "helps" justify atrocities against certain groups, even more using a Good vs Bad framework: violence is acceptable against "bad" people. Who is "bad" people? High rates of racism, antisemitism, ableism, etc everywhere should give you an idea..

all I hear about in fandom spaces is how things related to fictional sex and fictional relationships are the bane of society and "wouldn't someone think of the children**" and fictional violence is like "well, you can just blacklist tags if you don't want to see that kind of content" hmm.......

it reminds me of some of the drama that went down years ago about how "video games make people more violent***" and that not only is untrue, video games give a way for people with violent tendencies to cope and that's a good thing. Also, no one is watching horror movies and thinking they're itching to kill others, even if they are, they can just keep to themselves and have fun watching gruesome shit like nobody's business. Thinking is not a crime. And liking certain things it's not a reflection of someone's whole character (see: kinksters and how they get shit from literally everyone just because of what they like/what turns them on, and people seem to forget they're a whole human being with a life outside of kink)

a lot of the shit people cry about in here are non-issues where I come from, no one loses their head about it. If someone dislikes something they can do something about it, or they don't and that's fine too. "Right" and "wrong" are relative concepts, there's a lot of room for nuance and fiction is still fiction in the end of the day

considering a lot of folks here are from countries that are nuts with purity culture, sex negativity, and anything not "normal" is considered degeneracy that needs to be purged, it's no wonder you get the most wild takes from people in fandoms. In particular, young people, are very susceptible to accept things as facts and might not have enough maturity or critical thinking skills to process what they absorb. Unfortunately, it spreads because who can argue with that?

[sarcasm] of course incest is horrible, and age gaps are bad, and dysfunctional relationships are toxic and people who write or draw those things are just as guilty of "normalizing" and "romanticizing" it, and they are probably secretly trying to groom children with fanart of some kid's cartoons because they're a predator! People writing noncon fanfiction? Actually rapists in denial! People writing alien character X human character with massive age gaps? Obviously it's a pedophile, same with people who age up characters for porn purposes! People who are into monsters and robots and other stuff? Degens that should be shot! [/sarcasm]

as if it's fictional media causing damage to people and not people themselves.. really makes you think huh? It's easy to just blame the art, and if it doesn't exist, then there will be no more issues, right? As if censorship ever worked as "intended" and not as a tool to control people's thoughts and behaviours

the point of fiction, at least for me, is that there's no limit to what you can do. You can write or draw anything, you can go absolute batshit crazy with your rape bdsm fantasies with age gaps and monsters and shit. It's not real, and that's the fun of it. Authors tend to tag things out of courtesy, so that people can control whether they will see it or not. You can't get that from a published book, so we're spoiled in fandom spaces with content creators being very amazing at that. A lot of people I see complaining seem to be actively looking for that kind of content themselves, or they don't want it to exist near them at all. That's just such a stressful way to live when you can just... block people, blacklist tags, not engage in things that trigger you.. lol

** that's a logical fallacy commonly used to shutdown queer people and sex workers, among others (x) *** broadly, researchers have not found any connection between violent video games and violent behavior (x)

[spookybreadstick]

hi, im new :) Dont worry abt what u write its rly good and ily💗 i came 2 stay and hope ur doing well!

I was hoping if i could get some fluffy™ headcanons or a scenario -whatever ur choice is- with a female reader and L.J? The reader has a strong sense of justice but is extremely compassiomate, wise, quiet/shy and like touch starved🥺🥺👉🏻👈🏻 sorry if im crinGe i need more content of him on this site-- Im not sure what else to add 2 help u w this since i just woke up lolol but yeah thank u sm in advance, i wish u all the best💌💛💋

hello newbie! thank you for stopping by and i’m glad you want to stay! i am doing pretty well (i took down my x-mas decorations today and there are a lot of them bc decorating is fun, so i had mini chocolate santas as a reward lol) i hope you are well, also! and thank you so much for the writing compliment, it means a lot to me!!

🍬 LJ x Reader (compassionate, wise, quiet/shy, touch-starved, strong sense of justice, female) Relationship HCs 🍬

💖💞💖💞💖💞

🍬 LJ thinks you’re the cutest girl in the whole world!!

🍬 He adores your compassionate nature, it makes him feel very happy to have such a caring girlfriend 

🍬 He also likes that you are wise. It makes him feel very proud to have such a smart girlfriend. 

🍬 You will have to step in to keep him out of trouble, and he'll listen to you.

🍬 If you tell him that telling that joke at the dinner table is a bad idea, or that you shouldn't trap a bunch of bees to launch at Jeff's head because he won't find it too funny, then he won't do it. 

🍬 Which is saying something, because LJ usually just does what he wants despite other people's opinions because he thinks his bad jokes/pranks are funny. 

🍬 But also, if you'd like to have some fun with him, you could tell him literally anything in a serious tone and he'd believe it 100%. 

🍬 He trusts whatever you say because you are wise (especially compared to him lol, he's the opposite of wise) 

🍬 If you have a strong sense of justice, that can mean a couple of different things: 

Situation One: You're really into criminal justice and the law. This can be sort of a problem because, you know, LJ's "line of work". But LJ is totally justified in his actions IMO (remember, he 'deals with' those who have hurt children) so hopefully you understand. It's his personal way of dishing out justice, and if you get behind him on that, it'll make him feel even better about what he does. He'll be sure to keep you away from people like Jeff though, who don't dish out justice. 

Situation Two: You're really into justice as in people being fair and treating others well, with those who don't getting what's coming to them in the end (like karma). LJ would love this, as he believes that being nice and making others happy is the key to your own happiness. Again, he would keep you away from Jeff who is kind of believes the opposite.

Situation Three: You're really into social justice (LGBTQ+ rights, equality, racial diversity, etc) which LJ adores about you. You correct him on his outdated language (he was created in the 1800s, and obviously times have changed since then). He would never want to offend anybody, but he often genuinely doesn't know because society has progressed past when people considered certain things appropriate in the 1800s. So if he says something outdated, please gently correct him, he wants to know and he'll refrain from using that word/phrase in the future. LJ also finds social justice topics very interesting, he could listen to you talk about them for hours.

🍬 LJ is easily excited by the small things. 

🍬 "LOOK, LOOK!" 

"What is it, LJ!?" 

"THERE'S A CLOWN ON TV!!!"

 "T-that's it? Why are you shouting then?"

 "He's like me :)" 

🍬 Honestly, he finds joy in little things like that. Seeing a fellow clown on TV. Judging by the way he talks though, you would have thought that something incredible was going on. 

🍬 LJ's also very loud in everything he does. 

🍬 This fool has no concept of "using your indoor voice". 

🍬 He's also extremely outgoing and extroverted, and he loves talking to people about anything and everything. 

🍬 Ah, but you're quiet/shy? 

🍬 That's okay, he'll do the talking for the both of you :) 

🍬 He'll also try to take the spotlight from you if you're uncomfortable with being the center of attention. LJ adores being the center of attention, so it's the opposite of a problem for him. 

🍬 Everyone kind of thinks you make a funny couple; the sweet, quiet girl and the obnoxiously loud clown. 

🍬 But those kinds of pairings can be the best ones. Opposites do attract, after all.

🍬 Also. You're touch-starved? Well.... 

🍬 This is literally what happens. (I made this meme myself because I had a stroke of inspiration lmao) 

🍬 Girl, he was trapped in a BOX for YEARS.

🍬 OF COURSE HE'S TOUCH-STARVED!!

🍬 Also like, he's spent many decades without any romantic partners, so now that he's got a girlfriend he's eager to be all touchy-feely 

🍬 He really likes that you are touch-starved as well, so you won’t mind his abundance of affection. 

🍬 LJ loves to give hugs <3 He gives surprisingly great hugs with his noodle-y arms

🍬 Loves to cuddle as well. Major cuddle-bug. You are small compared to him, (no matter how tall you are, he is taller) so you're like a lil stuffed animal for him to snuggle up to. 

🍬 All in all, LJ loves you and you would make a perfect couple <3 

also, don’t worry about being cringe/self-indulgent! that’s what this blog is for, essentially!

- breadstick 🥖

[kareofbears]

persona 5 strikers thoughts and feelings

This is going to be a long post. Like, the type of post you’d only really have time to read when you’re trying to sleep but you’re not ready to be unconscious yet so you’re just looking for something to do to spend your time with minimal effort. 

So in 2018, a masterpiece was born into the world: Into the Spider-verse was released and it was amazing—it’s honestly the best spiderman movie we have without a doubt, and it’ll be very far into the future before Spider-verse is beaten as the best spiderman movie. Them’s the facts. Then in 2019, Spider-man: Far From Home was dropped. It’s a great movie! Great characters, great continuation of who these characters are and works fantastic as a continuation of a story. It’s really hard trying to take the torch of a previous movie (or in Marvel’s case, juggling twenty something movies) and come up with a new movie that both works on its own, as well as being the next step in this series of films. Thus, with that idea in mind, I think it’s kind of unfair to judge into the spiderverse and far from home, because these are two movies with two completely different objectives in mind. 

Okay, so this is still a persona 5 strikers post, I promise, but the idea is the same: Persona 5 could basically do whatever it wanted—new story, new characters, new everything, and it’s just plain old awesome. However, Persona 5 strikers did not have that sort of freedom. It was bound to the original game, and it had its own rules and stuff it had to keep intact, characters they had to work with, and on top of that, it had to justify its existence as a sequel (lets pretend money doesnt exist lmfao). 

SO, the big question is: did it do that? Did it justify its existence? 

And my answer: holy fuck did it ever do that

I came into this game knowing the extreme bare minimum. I knew there was someone named Sophia, and i knew there was roadtrip, and i knew there were Personas. That’s my knowledge of it before i played it on the Switch.  I should also clarify like, early on, that i was not expecting anything from this game. At all. I was the world’s biggest cynic of this game—if you scroll down my p5s tag far enough, youll just see me complaining about a game that hasn’t even come out yet. I was fully expecting to have this be a Waifu show, and any male character that isn’t Akira to just be shoved aside like some kind of nerd in a high school hallway, and i have never been more pleased to be wrong. In fact, i actually owe it an apology, because of how fucking rude i was for no reason!!! Because this game deserves everything to be honest. 

Persona 5 strikers is, frankly, insane. Insane in the sense that it got to pull shit off that just would never have existed in the original game, because the original game is scared. It had to be as impressive as possible and garner as much attention as possible. Strikers does not have that problem—every single person who bought that game does not need to be convinced that persona 5 is a good game. They already played it. That means Atlus can just fuck around and have a good time, and man did they have a good time. There’s still scenes that still shock me if i think about it too hard, because i’m used to atlus having to follow this sort of rule set when it comes to persona 5 (or any of the main games im assuming, but i havent played them.) And on top of that, there’s still shit that’s Atlus Trademarked Branded in a good way. The style of story of story telling, and revealing the mystery that is so integral to what p5 is, is still there. 

So, to make this even a little bit comprehensible, i will make a list! 

First of all, What is this game?

In short, this game is an OVA of an anime. It’s bonus side content that has one thing in mind: to showcase these lovable characters more by putting them in fun situations. That’s it, and it is just phenomenal. That was the main point of, i’d say, like forty hours of the game. It’s just fun times with fun characters. 

But to get deeper of what i think is happening, or what they were thinking during the development, is that this is a second opportunity. Persona 5 (as we all know) had a lot of problems, and we were not quiet about those problems. We yelled it all out, made posts, made complaints on every social media platform ever. And Atlus heard all of them, and Strikers is a way to mitigate those mistakes. Aside from being a fun OVA, Strikers also works to be a deeper exploration of these characters—more specifically, the characters that did not receive much in the original game. Creating this sequel is having the ability to redo what they felt (or to be more specific, we felt) in the original game while adding new ones. I will get to that in a second.  

The format of the game 

Absolutely brilliant to throw them on a road trip. P5V already forced us to experience Shibuya for 200+ hours, and im so glad that they didn’t do that again. Going from town to town, making us experience these new places alongside our favorite characters is so good, and it just makes sense. It’s fun, it’s lighthearted, and it’s actually shockingly good. But one thing i do want to talk about early on is the way the story unfolds and the villains that they use, and what they do with it because it’s very interesting. 

So as we explore japan and stuff, we encounter jails, and with those jails comes an antagonist. This antagonist works to be a parallel to one of our characters. That character will find it in their hearts to feel bad for the antagonist, because the antagonist could have been them had the original game not happen. At first I thought all of the thieves were gonna get an antagonist, and i was really hyped for the ryuji one. And then came to hour forty of the game where i realized “yeah that’s not gonna happen. There’s just not enough time.” And i was right, and the game ended. But i am not salty at all, honestly, because the people who got a direct antagonist were: Ann, Yusuke, and Haru. (we wont count zen and sophie). 

Is there a trend??? Yes. these are all characters in the original game that have received the worst treatment by atlus. The three of them are basically cast aside the minute they finished their original arc, and its horrible! BUT that’s why this is the path that atlus chose for them—to give them more depth, and screentime, and a way to show their inner self. That isn’t to say that the ones who aren’t those three (makoto, futaba, mona, akira, ryuji) didn’t get anything. Futaba still has her thing at the end with ichinose, and she was very prevalent and animated during the rest of the game. Mona and Akira have to be a focal points, that’s just the nature of the game. The other two though, I will talk about in depth in a second.  

Makoto

Y’all i poke fun at shumako fans sometimes cause its kind of easy and fun, but i honestly love makoto. In my very first playthrough of p5 (my first ever jrpg game, first persona game, i had no idea what i was doing), i had only maxed out two characters: ryuji and makoto. And i know she had a lot of screentime and love in the original game which is great, but i truly felt like she was dissed in this game. Her only roles were

A driver

Someone to tell them “we don’t have a choice. Let’s keep going and see where this takes us.” (seriously, if you replay this game, you will see how much she does this)

Idk, i just wish she had more to do, especially compared to how much love they gave the other characters. 

But let’s talk about some of the new characters! 

Zenkichi

Damn you atlus. Damn you and your insistence at bringing in cop characters. I was fully on board with hating zenkichi, i was fucking ready for it. I was convinced that there was nothing they could do convince to like zenkichi. I was immune to their copaganda. 

And then i ended up loving him, which makes me sad a little bit. I didn’t realize how desperate i was to have an adult who has a persona. Someone who wants the world to change just as much as they do, while still having that aspect of them that makes them adult. Like??? As someone who is technically an adult, its a breath of fresh air. An adult. Who fights. For justice. Using a persona. And god i love akane so much, and her obsession with the thieves (that scene is probably in my top ten fave scenes of the game). Also what i loved about zenkichi is that he fucking hates the cops!! He hates the system of the cops!! And thats why i actually really started to love him!! Because i thought it was atlus saying that the systematic problem of the police cannot be solved by one person, and zenkichi threw away his badge. I actually cried at that part!! 

But then he became a cop again, and i was just :/ but as a character, i really love him to bits and would love to do a study on him, or at least use him as an outside pov. But! i absolutely love his persona, since im a les miserables fan hehe

Sophia 

she’s probably my favorite new aspect of the game. I was ready to not like her—again, i just suck like that, lmfao—and when i saw her, i was scared that she was just another waifu. I mean, she was very cute after all. But then as the game went on, i thought she was a little too cute. And even further into the game, i finally slapped myself in the face and realized oh my god shes not a waifu. Shes a sister. 

That blew my mind, im ngl to you. A female character that isn’t supposed to be romanced? By jove, what a miracle! 

And she…is an amazing character. Im sorry, i just love her so much. I love her so much that she  probably ranks as my fifth or sixth favorite character which is surprising even to me. Everything about her is delightful and invigorating. She’s funny??? Her comedic timing is amazing, and she has such chemistry with the rest of the team. She’s actually useful to the plot, and while her character design is a little too on the nose for me in terms of cuteness (i mean, good god she’s wearing oversized sweater to show how cute and tiny she is, and her hair has literal hearts in it), she is absolutely lovable. 

But what i actually really wanna gush about for a second is sophia at the last stage of the game. You get the idea, i dont really like to get excited over things, so at this point i figured that there was nothing this game could do to shock me. 

And then sophia had a persona awakening. 

Like. holy fuck did i yell. I didnt realize what was happening until the music had already kicked in. and its just so fucking smart!!! Sophia??? The ai?? With no heart?? gOT A PERSONA???? AWAKENING??? BECAUSE SHE LEARNED WHAT THE HEART IS AND THE PASSION THAT YOU NEED IN ORDER TO GET A PERSONA??? I started crying honestly, because it was just so smart. And looking back on it now, its obvious!! Of course it would lead to this, it only made sense that the culmination of her character arc leads to her getting a persona, nothing else would have been as good. Also, her voice actor is just amazing?? When she was talking to ichinose at the end, i actually got incredibly emotional because of the line reads. Its just so spot on and it really captures the essence of sophia.

Muah. five stars Atlus. You got me. 

Ryuji <3!!!!

Oh man. Oh boy. Okay. so where do i start. 

Yall know i love him. Hes probably my favorite fictional male character of all time, and he is the one i was the absolute most cynical about in this game. I was expecting literally nothing. Nothing. Like. nothing. I thought he was just gonna keep being used as a joke, or a gag, and he’s gonna be super horny all the time for the other girls and it was gonna make me mad and there was gonna be some insane homophobic/queerphobic jokes in every other scene and i know i was being unfair, but i cant help it. 

And then i played the first two hours of the game, and i cried the entire time. Because ryuji has never been better than he is in this game. Its crazy. 

The ryuji in persona 5 strikers is who ryuji should have been/how he should have been treated this entire time. From the actual funny jokes (for example, the gold bar joke + his reaction to it in the beginning of the game), defending his female friends instead of being the one people need to defend from (natsume arc), and the fact that he was the one to be there with morgana and akira in the very beginning of the game. Its such a small thing that they didnt even need to do, but it was such an integral part of the original game for me, that i just was convinced that nothing like this was going to happen. But then it happened. Its just small stuff like that that could have been overlooked but it wasn’t because this game? Persona 5 strikers? Fucking loves ryuji. 

The actual respect they gave this boy is insane and i wasn't ready for it. Like, they gave the shujin trio lunch, they gave the little charm of the katana when they were in natsume’s jail, and, in my opinion this is the second-best thing that they could have given ryuji is sophia. Ryuji and sophia are the pinnacle of a brother & sister bonding relationship in the game that isn’t akira & futaba. And its really prevalent too?? Small stuff from the beginning of the game (pulling her out of a jail, calling her shorty), but then you have the iconic “shut the fuck up” scene, and that scene was so well characterized and written and voice acted, that somehow him saying “fuck” was the least exciting part of that scene to me. Ryuji is an older brother to her, like its undoubtable, and its only further cemented at the end of the game where Ryuji helps out ichinose because he knows how much sophia cares about her. This game. Love ryuji. And i love. This game. 

You know what else i love? Akiryu. 

Guys. i was fully prepared to starve in terms of akiryu. But theres just. So much of it. I wont get too deep into it, because i think this aspect of the game for me still needs marinate a little bit. Like, what was that last shot when EMMA died and Ryuji walked to approach Akira so they could relish in their victory together?? And the smile from both of them??? What the fuck. That was amazing. Also Joker being saved by Ryuji when he was about to fall from the cliff to save sophia??? WHAT. The LEADER AND HIS RIGHT HAND MAN? WHAT. anyway. If theres anything i want to keep for myself in my own brain, its the akiryu aspect of this game, so i wont talk too much about that part of things (instead, itll probably manifest in fic lmfaooo). 

Sure, there’s tidbits of stuff i dont like that they gave ryuji: sexualizing ann in that one cut scene and making him touch the jails even though it hurts, and i recognize those and frown at them, but for the most part, i am blown away with how they treated him.

Basically, Ryuji has never been better. From the opening of the game with him being the first text message and the one to sling his arm around akira, to the very last cut scene where it was ryuji wordlessly leaving because he’s so confident that they would never be separated for long, this game adores Ryuji and i am so so happy to say that.

The Royal aspect of things

Yeah, i had to talk about this, but itll be a short thing i just wanted to point out. Because the last part of this game...is persona 5 royal. Which is curious. Like taking reality and giving that power to someone else so you dont have to experience suffering anymore? And even like, the final section just looked a lot like the top half of maruki’s palace?? And whats even crazier is that we had a boss fight with sophia, just like how we had a boss fight with sumire? Royal and Strikers have like, the same thesis statement. It’s kind of uncanny.It’s interesting, it’s like atlus came up with these two ideas, and then just decided they liked both of them so much that they just did it twice. I don’t mind though—actually, in terms of how the last Palace/Jails go, i probably like them both about equally. 

Though i did love the final battle in this one more than i did in royal. Splitting into teams?? Thats cool as fuck, and really innovative and i didnt see it coming. It also kicked my ass. A lot. 

Now for the last stretch: the small stuff!

The music — bomb as fuck. In my heart, Daredevil is ranked the same as Rivers. Axe to grind is also amazing, but Daredevil owns me

Akechi — i really debated whether or not to talk about him, but i figured a bullet point should be enough. Im really shocked that he wasnt in this at all. Like not even a name drop. If this is an OVA, and the point of the game is to please the fans, and akechi is arguably the fan favorite character, i was really ready for something. But there was nothing, except for the pancake hallway if that even counts as a reference. Thats it. Thats all i wanted to say about him.

The humour — FUCKING HILARIOUS im convinced that in my fifty hour playtime, five of that is dedicated to me laughing and unable to continue the game 

Akira — so much personality! His lines of dialogue are crazy sometimes (like. Whats up with him saying Ryuji has ‘nice abs’ when they were in bath? Im crazy and even i dont know what the fuck that could mean) 

Battle system — oh my god i almost forgot to talk about this. I love it! I kind of miss the turn based aspect just because i found it very comforting for some reason, but this hack and slash style of gameplay is so invigorating because i do feel like it justifies shit like the baton pass and huge attacks.  This battle system fully encompases how the Phantom Thieves are supposed to fight, you know what i mean?

Anyway, thats my thoughts on strikers. Loved it. Amazing. 9.3/10, wouldve been higher but Konoe’s Jail almost bored me to death. Also im a monster and i didnt do any requests that isn’t a fun one, teehee. As if i play persona 5 for the persona aspect of things.

[ughgclden]

a third one??

i’ve got a pretty relaxed day today, so coming and going with responses is easier, downtime more conducive to spending 10/15 minutes writing you another letter, and i apologise in advance for the length of this one

in regards to my friend, she is really sweet, but we seem to have found ourselves in that dynamic when i never know if she’s being gay (platonic) or being Gay (romantic) and i’m already fairly emotionally stunted. house and i are alike on that front /hj

it was nice to be hugged like that, greeted like that, though, a reminder that it’s possible there are some people who do look for me in crowded rooms, even if it’s more likely than not that i’m not there. (incidentally, consider this and every other letter my way of hugging you)

i think if i had to teach mainly basics i would struggle, since i tend to go quickly and get excited, sometimes forgetting brains work differently than mine when it comes to retaining and learning information. i can see your point about the emotional support teacher though, i think there would be a… certain demographic that would be drawn to me, if you catch my drift /hj

i had an english teacher like that, she once gave me extra points on an essay for referencing dead poets society, and even though i don’t have her anymore, i still put her down as a reference, and email her from time to time anyway, she helped me a ton.

i think bookstore bee would be lovely, and it reminds me of aziraphale, which fits with you quite well. plus the best bookshops always have the pretty ladies behind the counters.

as for the other thing, i don’t want to minimise it by saying “it’s okay,” although that is my first impulse, mainly because objectively, it’s not, and because i know if someone said anything like that to someone i cared about i would. definitely get myself into trouble dealing with the bastard with the audacity to hurt my friends. that and i have the same anger for people like that, with the caveat that they can get away with directing it to me. truthfully, i’m used to it, which isn’t ideal, i admit. growing up, i went to a. forced integrated school, bringing in kids from other districts to raise test scores, and as most things turn out to be, the bussed in “smart” kids were mainly white, and the kids who originally lived in the neighbourhood were all hispanic. so naturally, as a hispanic kid from a different district in the gifted program, both sides hated me. i’ve got more than ample experience and that’s what makes it terrible. but i digress

the highs always comes with the lows, but in the words of ben platt, “when you’re high, i’ll take the lows, you can ebb and i can flow,” and i’ll be here to complement you in any way i can for as long as you’ll let me do so.

presenting is definitely scary, i recently had a debate kid ask me, “what’s the point of speaking if you’re not proving anyone wrong?” when i said i wasn’t in debate, but in speech, the sister program. the truth is, the point is telling your truth, even through other peoples’ words. sometimes we can’t find the words, but have no problem finding the memories that make pieces impactful, and true.

i bet in knitted jumpers with a skirt and docs you look lovely, and like someone remus lupin would be good friends with. i gravitate somewhere between remus and sirius, the two gay sides of me constantly battling that one out, so i end up with some… interesting outfits. cruella de ville is a goal, quite honestly, although i suppose technically shes classified as a villain, but then again, i’m a mentally unwell unstraight individual, so villains hot.

bee, if there’s anything i strive to do, it’s make you feel important, because you are, at the very very least, to me. and thats not silly, because believe me the sentiment is shared, thank you for spending time on me, love. i cant say it enough.

you are important, to reiterate, you are good, and kind, and the world could use more people like you. i only hope those lucky enough to experience your physical presence are sensible enough to know what a privilege they have in knowing you.

all of my love, bee, and a million wishes for a good day, good night, sweet dreams, and restful sleep.

until we meet again,

(likely tomorrow)

yours,

✨

please never apologise for the length of these, star. i'd read a whole novel of anything you say

it should me apologising for how terribly late my response is - i'm never much good at writing when i'm tired, or doing anything when i'm tired really. i'm one of those people who completely shuts down, and i wasn't going to torture you with my drowsy ramblings. im however writing this now with a fresh cup of coffee, so let's hope that helps

not knowing the distinction between gay and Gay is the worst; i can sympathise slightly on that front. when i was still figuring shit out i never knew if i just really loved my friend or really Loved my friend - it was all platonic, i know that now, but it was certainly a time. i think i'd always find myself searching for you in a crowded room - you have the sort of energy that draws people to you

you'd certainly draw in that certain demographic, i know it. although i think being the lgbt kids support teacher would be the largest honour bestowed onto a person, and no one else would suit that more perfectly than you. that's so sweet oh my god - i'm not too sure if my teacher had ever watched it, as sadly she never referenced it :( but she was very much a keating for me

i'm glad you know it's certainly not okay and i'm so fucking sorry that there's some ignorant assholes out there who think their stupid close-minded ideas and thoughts are important and need to be voiced, and they're justified in saying that shit. i truly hope things aren't as bad as they once were and if i could, i'd hurt anyone who's ever said that stuff to you (i can't fight, but i'd give it my best shot)

i totally agree with you- not everything has to be to prove a point, or make someone see something the way you do. sometimes it's just to communicate, to tell tales of love and beauty, to tell your own stories and thoughts. sometimes it's nice to talk just for the sake of it.

i think a mix of remus and sirius is wonderful - i aspire to have the sort of energy that sirius black gives off but alas, i'm more of a remus (or even a peter.. but we don't talk about that..) and yes villains are SO HOT OH MY GOD!!! yes they are bad ppl but they are hot and sexy so they can do as they please <3

we could go back and forth about this all day - but thank you lovely. not only do these make me feel important and loved, but they also let me talk about the smaller things, the little things that sometimes seem irrelevant because the world spins a little too fast to focus on the mundane. but even with you, the mundane is something spectacular.

have a lovely day, i hope it's filled with little bits of magic and wonder and joy. all my love star <33

[tigerdrop]

ahahah thanks everyone........ (flushed) oh my god i hadnt actually thought about the petplay thing with the werewolf thing until like fucking yesterday but i dont know why b/c it just. makes sense. its like chocolate and peanut butter

sorry for infecting u all with diseases. i am a degenerate little fucker and anything that can be twisted into a severely D/S situation activates my fucking almonds. now u must suffer as i do

i dont normally go for AUs b/c i have a really hard time justifying it to myself but i think it would be really funny if one day benrey is just. werewolf. and gordons like "dude what the fuck" and benreys like "haha dude im pupy" and were just gonna pretend that he was a werewolf the entire time but it was never a full moon so gordon just didnt know. played completely straight

like. dying laughing at the idea of gordon being completely fucking confused, like, this doesnt make any sense. what kind of fuckin eldritch entity is just a bog-standard werewolf and benreys just like "yo werewolves can just do that tho." "bullshit. what kind of werewolves can do.....whatever the fuck you did?" "how would you know bro. you ever seen a werewolf before" and gordon is soundly defeated by facts and logic

i uhhh.......god i really cant let myself start thinking too hard about more wacky supernatural AUs just yet but i was rolling around something awhile ago that could be read as ghost AU if u wanted. so

the fuckin bit in part 3 where coomers like "i could climb inside of your suit and wear you like a puppet" had me like. what??? fuck??? you can do that???? and if he can do that, why cant benrey,

> Exactly. Let Benrey wear Gordo like a suit and make him do all the embarrassing stuff he's normally reluctant to do.

like. man. benrey just being so fuckin mean to him too like "look at you, lil gay boy, huh? betcha didnt even know you could look like this. since you got that stick in your ass all the time" and really relishing how he can just make gordon take whatever pose he wants, touch him wherever, or even just flat out refuse to until gordon gets over himself and asks him to

latches onto the flimsiest fucking excuse for ghost possession that this series will give me and fucking runs with it

so, like, gordons canonically got this whole sad thing about thinking that nobody really likes him and shit, right? dudes got kind of shitty self esteem. he probably doesnt even think that benreys weird come-ons are like, legit.

well what it we extrapolate that to him having bad self esteem about a lot of things. like, you know, how he looks. men really dont get told very often that they look good, and as a proud MIT bitch, its not much of a stretch to think that hes internalized a lot of the nerd dude belief that hes not, like, a chad, therefore nobodys ever gonna really think that hes attractive. and for the most part gordon seems to be a very socially-conscious guy, so hes not, like, full fledged incel about it, but still

anyway, point being: he doesnt get complimented very much, and he assumes its just a joke at his expense when benrey says shit like "likin the view from back here". so envision with me, if u will, benrey absolutely slutting him the fuck out while hes, and i quote, "wearing him like a puppet", and twisting him into all kinds of filthy positions and making him suck on his fingers and shit like that and basically forcing gordon to acknowledge that, yeah, he is kind of hot, actually.

really just embarrassing the shit out of him and humiliating him by making gordon watch himself do this stuff while benreys forcing him to keep his eyes open and really look at himself. like how could anyone not wanna fuck that, bro? for an MIT bitch, gordon is stupid as fuck (and he should really take offense to that, but, you know, theres all kinds of wires crossed in his head right now and being demeaned like this is doin it for him.)

(honks my clown nose) i really can just come up with infinite ways to humiliate this dude, huh

[araisbored]

Obelisk

That’s the only quirky title I could come up to make this a little bit more interesting.

I’m reviewing my favorite book again. More like making another post about it. Because I seem like the type of person to not shut up about something she truly, truly, deeply love. Though, I won’t really making a review. Because I am in no state to make one of those. I don’t know I just I’m not that qualified to that yet. Though I read millions of books, I still won’t. I re-read my last “review” and it just make me cringe because I can’t understand what I’m saying and there’s a bunch of errors on my sentence. Not that this whole post won’t containing grammar errors, but still. Also, the cringing intensifies when I saw that Jennifer Niven (the author of this book) liked my bizarrely wrong blog entry. Ms. Niven, if by any chance, reading this again, I love your work and I’m sorry for a lot of grammatical errors. Ms. Niven, your work changed my life and help me get through a rough time. Sounds cliché but its the truth. 

To repeat what I typed, I won’t make a review. Yet, I’ll post a very private diary log which where I somehow discuss my opinions about this book. So here it is. 

Trigger warning: Suicide topics, cutting and mental issues might come up on the next following paragraph. And it’s really graphic. Because it is a personal log on my digital diary. Beware. 

May 17, 2019: Theodore’s death, Avengers: End game and GoT discussion.

I never had a proper review of this book. Because lets be real here. Its me and probably won’t matter. Last time or more like last last year, I made a book recommendation/favourites about this book. And I emphasize on that blog post that it’s not a book review. NOT A BOOK REVIEW. At all.

Because:

I am scared of the internet scrutinizing my opinions and views about this book.

It’s about mental health or part of it. So it is really a sensitive topic and I even haven’t figured myself out. So I’m not really sure if  I’m the right person you want to have an opinion regarding with this topic. One thing about me is that you don’t go asking me questions on how you figured your life or how you deal with depression because, oh boy oh boy you’re in a wrong place honey.

Last night I searched Theodore Finch on twitter. Yes, twitter. Because that is where you get the real opinions. Real tea. As well as the stupid ones. And I read one thread or whatever you call it, some sort of a conversation or replies from one girl to another. (I just assumed you’re girl and I’m sorry if you’re not. I am really sorry for misgendering you.) The other girl said that she’s kind of annoyed how everyone around Theodore doesn’t get the signs when it’s literally on their faces. When you come to think of it. Its true. All the signs of Theodore’s disease was there. Bluntly on their faces. It’s kind of fascinating how it’s not noticed by his family and friends or even Violet. But again right now thinking about it, maybe because it happened when this world just slowly noticing or paying attention about mental health. Hold a second, let me search when it was published. Yeah, I'm right its 2015. A year of coming of age for the late Baby Boomers are introduced to depression and when people, mostly teenagers are committing suicide. I would be very harsh on my words because it was just me talking to myself anyways. So yeah, that's also the year where I'm cutting myself and wanted to kill myself. So no wonder Finch’s family have no idea about his mishaps and adventures. So about that discussion, it was already solved. That year was just the year where naïve people are introduced to mental health and issues. Anyways, back to that conversation. The other girl defended the book/author. That the author, Jenifer Niven, was just portraying real life happenings. That these things happens in real life. People really die because of mental health issues. By the way, Finch mental diagnosis wasn’t really mentioned on the book directly. As far as I can remember. That’s why I'm re-reading it again now. But so far zero mentioned of diagnosis or bipolarity(Is that even a word? idc.). Just the mention of him wanting to kill himself, the erotic changes in his moods, lack of appetite and being insomniac. He doesn’t sleep one night or he sleeps then have very bad nightmares after that. It’s pretty obvious but again, let’s refer to the points given above. Oh, oh! Then there’s one time he repainted his bedroom from blood red to blue. If that’s not alarming enough then idk anymore. But yes, 2015. The coming of age and the year where we birthed more stupid late boomers. But, yes. Wild book. A very wild and very BRILLIANT book. It’s the stupid characters or the people in Finch’s life that suck. Which is why I kind of sided to the girl who said that that the author doesn’t really write the characters well. Let’s call her Girl A. And the other girl who defend Niven, Girl B. I’m pretty sure you’re both girls but just in case, I’m gonna apologize again if I'm  misgendering you. Or if you don’t wanna be called a girl. I can’t say or disclose that Girl B was wrong because he clearly have a point too. It happens in real life. People die from depression and I might be one soon.

Just wanna say that It’s a good discourse. Arguments like that are my favorites where both sides are not wrong nor right either, makes you really think. A read. Both the book and that twitter discourse. If you happened to read it, good. But if not sorry I can’t link it for you. 

So for my opinion (oh no, here we go) I agree on both of them , as if its not yet obvious. I guess if it was written in the present days the author could’ve change the characters and made Finch alive. Or checked-in in a mental institution or he’ll be given a medical assistance he really needs. Because the only medical attention he was given was thru his Guidance councilor, Embryo. Which is a good thing, but also I think Finch’s situation needs more professional attention. No offence to all guidance councilors out there. I know you guys try your best. But you know, Niven can make Finch visit a psychiatrist in a clinic/mental institution right? Like violet. I know Finch’s financial state is bad but.. idk there’s something can be done here. But again it was during that time where people are shouting “Depression isn’t real”, stupid people posting tweets and Facebook status on how “Suicide is for the week”; they watch 13 reasons why and decided to skip the whole point of the show and just assumed that “yeah depression is for the weaklings”. It only shows how ignorant people are. They’re the kind of people who standby when you get punch on the face or laugh when people spreads rumors and lies about you. Basically, bystanders. I’m sorry I’m a little snappy. If you haven’t noticed. I don’t know I’m just mad today.

I think the book still holds it. And justify the ending. Though part of me really hate it too. But it kind of made me realized about a lot of things, not just about me but also about how I should interact with other human beings. I hate the ending because it breaks my heart but I guess it was necessary?? Or not. Any how,  It was a good ending. Maybe its just me because I’m a masochist. But I can not think of any other impactful and realistic way on ending it. (Rereading this again and I just need to clear things up. That IM NOT A MURDERER OR A KILLER. I DONT NORMALIZE SUICIDE,  but from a standing point the ending is justified. Its sad but its, again, realistic.) But still, breaks my heart, Theodore is a precious boy. Who deserves nothing but love. And I hope his story was more known by the people so jackasses would know how to treat their family and friends better. 

[This part was cut because I talked about Avengers and GoT ending; Which is very relevant to this topic]

Love,

Ara xx

So yeah, that’s some of my diary entry. Re-reading it makes me realized how funny I am. Jesus I should read more of these. Who knows, I might post it here. If it’s not that personal. I’ll end this here now. I hope wherever you are you’re having a good day.

Ttyl, Ara!

[ahusaka]

hey! this may be a super random question but im curious as to how you plot/outline your wips? im obsessed w into the haze

Thank you so much! Honestly this is gonna be pretty long because I’m self indulgent in worldbuilding so oop.

This isn’t necessarily an outlining technique as it is just for writing in general but be willing to consume other people’s works. You don’t even necessarily have to be a critic or anything but the consumption of different stories really helps a person develop their own tastes (not even just in genre but in the development of prose too) and aligns themselves with whatever themes and messages they want to deliver themselves. Into the Haze evolved and grew because I got to read so many things and adapt them into my own writing. You’ll also know what to avoid when writing too.

Secondly, the big worldbuilding. Now, quick PSA but you absolutely do not have to be elaborate with world building but for me, I’m always been big on it. Worldbuilding is all in the details where the details can be big or small. I’m personally a very big fan on exploring politics/linguistics/war history but a lot of people make their expertise on agriculture, religion, art, and so on. That shit’s hot as hell is all I can say and when you play up to your interests, you get some cool stuff.

I take the angle of politics and see where I can use schools of thought to really dig into it. Societies are just a bunch of dudes walking around and screaming about philosophies of rule and then some other dudes countering it. Those things resonate with me (lmao I’m literally a weirdo I’m sorry) because FOR REAL, you got so much things to go off of with literal schematics of how rulers can be “good” (not morally but they monopolize on things such as charisma or they’re just really good at suppressing debates same thing) or “bad” (fucking those guys who use fear and just make everyone hate them). You have different landscapes of how a “rule” is designated (it doesn’t have to be rooted in feudalism for fantasy!! Make some democracies 2020) and the motivations of which the rulers encompass and how they reflect onto their ruling societies. 

ALSO GEOPOLITICS ARE PRETTY IMPORTANT!!! They tie into trade and economics with neighbouring countries, important for alliances to be made, how war is conducted and executed (An example is how Germany invaded Belgium to get to France in WW1), what resources need to imported or exported, where major hubs are, and etc.

Class order/hierarchy. This is one of the biggest elements I like to talk about. You can go absolutely monkey with this (assuming you’ve laid the structure down of your ruling class to justify this). Class can be dictated by socio-economic structures (nobility = rich, peasantry = poor), religion (only certain people are mandated by god(s)), race (but people clown this too much so I don’t recommend this unless you are personally acquainted with the culture dealt with or like you have sensitivity readers), magic (most common, magic is banned and magic users are oppressed) and so on. Basically power and privilege stems from the historical basis of this class order/hierarchy which befalls the writer to create, connecting to the above political ruling because it’ll directly benefit their interests.

War is another thing I write a lot and want to say a lot of people don’t really write about the devastating effects of war. Once writers write a war they’re like “well the good guys won and everything was peaceful!” If only. The aftermath of war efforts is very gruesome and involves everyone just kind of traumatized, an influx of refugees of war, poverty, destruction of the environment, and in some cases, causes uprisings or the very least, protests if the war efforts continue. I’d really like people to consider those factors when war is central to their plot because it seems to be glorified a lot.

Culture is a big thing I also focus on and culture is basically the catch all for the cool stuff humans decide to make when things are relatively chill (or not chill in the aftermath). Usually culture is an export that can be shared and you’ll see influences in other countries if they’re relatively close together or if they’ve had a history of being invaded/occupied. ALSO SUBCULTURES EXIST SO!!!!!! Consider if your world is a melting pot, if there’s a dominant culture, if cultures co-exist, and you know so on. Culture can find itself in pretty much everywhere but the biggest would be the following:

- art

- theatre (ok but the coolest thing I’ve learned about Vietnamese theatre is their water puppets??)

- food

- language * (which I’ll mostly talk about)

- the dominant religion

- architecture 

- clothing (ESPECIALLY the fabrics used)

- weapons 

- stories (whether they tell them by mouth or writing them down, how they decide to enact these stories, etc)

Language is my biggest interest too because it’s really complex and not many people focus on it. It has ties in class hierarchy (people speaking in higher class tongue, the different dialects indicating class / schooling disparities) and the development of language can have roots in cultural shifts due to occupation of other countries and so on. Like the creation of language is so amazing honestly and if anyone needs resources hmu.

Magic systems have their own line of being categorized with rules and classified as hard and soft but I don’t necessarily limit myself to thinking about those and rather, think about the basis of their existence in relationship of them being culturally significant to the society. Basically, I construct a history of magic before I go into the details. My favourite way of constructing a magic system is by relating it to science (it’s what makes chemistry bearable sad emoji). But it really depends on how I want to write my story because, like I said, I find regulations on magic and laws on magic interesting and relating it back to the idea of political power. But culture (ESPECIALLY RELIGION) is important consideration and I would implore writers to think about the way magic is utilized (as a tool, as a weapon, as both, as a shortcut, etc) and how it relates before you really digest the nitty gritty of magic because you can do so much with it.

This is a vomit word post I’m so sorry but yes this is the general mess going on in my head when writing my wips. I was so tempted to go into characters but that would be a GARBAGE fest. In conclusion, read too much books and scream.

[sapphic-scylla]

Im sorry to all of my followers if all of my posts recently have been somewhat diary oriented or a little too real, but there is so much going on in my life and not enough people to vent this to. So here we are. Keep in mind, abusers favorite ploy and tactic is to make you 100% certain that their actions are entirely your fault. That you MADE them do the terrible things they do to you. And this isn’t just the physical things. It’s also emotional abuse.

As a point of reference, my dad and his side of the family is a group of silently terrible human beings. You look at them from an outside perspective and they look normal, but when you know them for 26 years like I have, you start to recognize that shit ain’t right here.

I had no idea how bad it was until I lived with them while I was attending college. I never finished college if that gives some insight. My grandparents are old-fashioned to the Nth degree and their kids i.e. my dad and uncle and aunts have picked up a lot of their ideals.

The reason I left college is because I am ADHD and it is hard to hold down a job and keep up with classes plus take early morning musical theatre and keep up a social life while maintaining good grades and keeping myself somewhat sane. Granted, they were paying for my college and it was a lot, so obviously that’s not something to take lightly. I’m very grateful in that respect and I made mistakes and there are things I could have done better and I could have planned ahead better. That being said, my grandparents were not poor. In fact, they were extremely well off and lived in a much richer part of the town I was living in and had TONS of nice stuff so even after all of that, the unnecessarily drastic actions lead to the shit I’m still dealing with now that I didn’t realize wasn’t normal until several years later.

My grades reached a certain low because I was struggling to keep up with everything I was doing at the time. I was paying for a car and it’s upkeep as well as auxiliary needs like school materials and books and such, so I was trying to work extra shifts to help me manage while also paying for school trips and having spending money for a social life. ADHD makes it hard to pay any kind of attention in any class that doesn’t actively get my attention, making learning extremely hard. Finally, when I said I was working myself too hard and needed to breathe, my grandparents didn’t accept it. So they said, if you aren’t going to school, you can’t live here. They kicked me out on the spot, and I lived in my car, practically homeless, for the next six months. Their justification? “If you had just kept up your grades and kept going to school, we would not have had to kick you out.”

Don’t, for a second, think that abusers, especially people in higher end careers who have PhD’s and think they know everything, won’t try to justify their shitty actions and when they do, they will deceive and word it in such a way that the entire time, you will think you are in the wrong for forcing their hand. I lived for the next two years thinking I was to blame for losing a place to live because I couldn’t live up to their expectations. I’ve lived my life past 5th grade thinking I was stupid because I struggled where the rest of my family constantly succeeded and my entire family gave me emotional flak every step of the way constantly blaming me and making me think I was a complete and utter disappointment while ingraining terrible habits and actions into my brain and leaving me with a crippling self-esteem issue that I’m still trying to fix in therapy to this day instead of getting me the help I needed back then and maybe putting me in a better place.

Don’t let your abusers win. Know the difference between their fault and yours. Distance yourself when you get a chance.

[fairy-made]

I dont think I ever said anything about this, but when I replayed the skyrim romance mod after it got an update a while back, it seemed like someone read my random comments about it and like....actually tweaked the mod?? which is really cool imo. putting this under a cut since I think the mod still generally has a bad rep, even though it seems like theyre working on that in some capacity. I didnt really even know what the drama was about in the first place.

literally everything I talked about that could be fixed within a reasonable amount of time was fixed. back then (~3-4 yrs ago) I was a little more tolerant of the “bad boy, borderline abusive” type and while the character himself seems to be intentionally pushy, it seems to be a bit better. if I remember correctly, I think they cut the rapey bits and just worked around it so that bishop was still a brat about your player not wanting to have sex, but not a scary horny nutcase. theres a big difference between “youre gonna have sex with me one of these days wench!!” and “ugh, fine, be like that!” its def not A+, but it is an improvement that still suits the character. I obviously wasnt too bothered with the earlier version back then (had some stuff I was going through), but now I can see the concern, and to me its less cringey. Id have to replay it again to see how I feel exactly, but Im sure its better at least.

they re-did the whole interaction with cael so instead of him talking about how he could give you orgasms like youve never seen, hes cautious of you yet still kind of flirty. a real sweetie. I mean, I like the new bit, but he could also let me know hes dtf a little bit. lmao thats just me though. 

the one thing I did not like too much was that they added animations for the sex scenes, and that you had no choice but to sit through them (unless you said no to sex altogether). since I literally set the camera so that I could not see the sex anims, I did get to hear bishops VA during the scenes and Imma just say.......... you should hear them. even if its just the once. lmao. I read that theyre gonna cut out the sex mod dependencies so that you can just have fade to black scenes, and I am for that 1000000%. 

now I just hope it gets ported it to the special edition, because it seems waaay too hard and time consuming to do it myself. I tried to start but the list of tasks was just too long to justify working on when I have homework and other stuff to do.

outside all that, I can see why there was such a bad vibe surrounding the mod at first. it all made sense when I read about the drama on reddit, but the harshness  was a bit... much?? from what I read, the creator made some bad choices and eventually acknowledged/fixed them. her reasoning and intentions for making them could be questionable, but people are human, idk what else to say. Im just... not grabbing a pitchfork over this and I fail to see any reason to continue that now lmao. she obviously still wants to hold everything together for the mod and do things better so... Im not gonna hold a grudge even if she made bad choices. she ultimately canceled the kickstarter, and this is all ultimately over a mod. a skyrim mod. you either wanna play and support it or you dont because of very valid reasons. its up to you. but either way it just will never be that serious.

I honestly got the impression that she might be a bad person from stuff I read until I got the chance to read about everything, and then I was like wow.. she fucked up, but the worst thing she did was undone the same day it happened so...like... yall couldve just went on about your lives and left this woman alone. 

anyway, long talk. it seems like the mods at a standstill, since it hasnt been ported to the SE yet and I dont think the creator herself has made any announcements about actual updates coming soon. but I actually hope things stay positive for the mod. 

(also psa, this is for my followers/mutuals if there interested in talking about it. Ive tagged this for the sole purpose of being able to be filtered by those who dont want to hear anything about it.)

Update: so I downloaded the beta for the SE. it wasnt working for me as the dialogue would seem to break anytime after I used racemenu. I literally cant play skyrim without changing my hair, and the person in charge of the beta said to try playing it on a no-rush new game so... I kind of gave up. I had started over twice after already sinking 4-8 hours into those 2 new games, specifically for the mod, and I just didnt feel like doing it again.

Replaying the bits that I could, I will say it is... kind of cheesy. Doesnt bother me much though. I used to write bad fanfiction, so its not the worst. Its just not impervious to being... cheesy at times. Idk how to put it lol. Maybe you could say its tropey? Like something youd read in a romance novel with those dramatic traditional cover illustrations. Not bad. Just, if you hate that kinda thing, you might not be into it. Im not very critical because the alternative is like. 1 other mod? So I just dont mind.

Outside of that I kind of have no idea what my complete opinion is on it now. I intended to find out, but gave up due to modding issues. I was a little younger when I first played it, so I may have different opinions on it now. As I mentioned before my opinion of sex and certain character traits used to be different, and its changed a lot since then. Its still kind of changing even now. I still go “yeah... that was the trauma” about stuff I used to think was not so bad.

To be honest I didnt even remember having an opinion of it as cheesy a few years ago, but now after replaying for the 3rd time Im like... from what little Ive seen so far, its some pretty sharp cheddar lol. So if it is a lot worse than you felt you were led to believe from reading this, Im sorry, and you can inbox me about it. Especially since I may not ever even play the newest version.

[frankenby]

Okay, I’ve been playing Pokémon Shield recently so consider this FE3H/Pokemon game crossover idea I had for a moment.

Characters:

As of right now, I’m only going to put who I think would be gym leaders/Elite Four people. I may or may not have given every student (and some other characters) pokémon teams with four pokémon each, except if people don’t care about this then I’m not going to do much more with it except for my own personal enjoyment.

Elite Four

Sothis: Champion I think it’s pretty obvious why she’d be the champion. They’re very respected and powerful, but she’s still given the opportunity to be elusive and mysterious.

Rhea: Headmaster of Trainer School (Explained in plot) and Elite Four Member She’s not as powerful as the champion, but she is still quite powerful. I’m thinking she’d specialize in psychic pokémon or dragon pokémon.

Lambert: Elite Four Member Dimitri will be well-known and respected, considering how powerful his father is. He will also have a lot to live up to. I’m leaning towards making Lambert specialize in ice type pokémon because Faerghus=cold and cold=ice.

Patricia: Elite Four Member Again, having your mother be on the Elite Four will make you well-known. Also, it’s plot important. I feel like she’d specialize in fire type pokémon because... you know. Flame Emperor.

Reigan: Elite Four Member Claude’s grandpa doesn’t have a name, so I feel like he’d go by his last name. Again again, being on the Elite Four will mean that Reigan’d grandson is well-known. I kind of feel like he’d be an electric type gym leader because... I don’t know. Yellow?

Gym Leaders

So I would make the nobles gym leaders, but also there are too many nobles and not enough gym leaders. Here’s what I have so far. My reasoning may be garbage (as you can probably tell from the section about the Elite Four)

Rodrigue: Ice Type Gym Leader I will say it again. Faerghus=cold, cold=ice. I just feel like Rodrigue should be a gym leader.

Holst Gonriel: Fire Type Gym Leader Holst was a General in the Alliance and was respected for that, so it makes sense that he’d be a gym leader. Why fire? I don’t know, but I’ve connected dots that aren’t actually connected in anyway to justify myself for this long, so... He probably has pink hair, pink=light red red=hot hot=fire

Seteth: Psychic Type Gym Leader Okay, I swear I had a reason for making him a psychic type gym leader and not a dragon type one, but I can’t remember it. Please just trust me. Or don’t. Please feel free to argue with me, actually. Also, Flayn would most definitely be like Wally and want to be a trainer, but Seteth would be like, “No. it is too dangerous, but you may have this Togepi.” Then Byleth would beat him and he’d be like, “Having my ass kicked by this child has made me rethink my view point. You may be a pokémon trainer now, Flayn.” And yes, Flayn is referred to as his daughter in this.

Miklan: Rock Type Gym Leader I don’t know. I don’t know why I want him to be one. I don’t know why rocks. Just rocks. “Not bad for your kind. A bunch of rocks.”

Cornelia: Ghost Type Gym Leader Tell me this woman wouldn’t have a Mismagius and/or a Hattrene. It just fits.

Jeralt: Steel Type Gym Leader I originally had this as Gilbert, but I feel like it would make more sense for it to be Jeralt. I guess maybe the reason for him sending Byleth to school/them moving would be so he could be a gym leader. Also, steel makes sense because he was a knight, I guess?

Ladislava: Flying Type Gym Leader I love her, okay? So I put her in here. What are you gonna do about it? Ground me? You can’t. Speaking of ground, I was going to make her a ground type gym leader, but it makes more sense for her to be a flying type because she’s got a wyvern, so flying type.

Judith: Fighting Type Gym Leader Again, I love her. It just makes sense to me for her to be here. Why fighting? She is the hero of Daphnel. She’s good at fighting.

Plot:

I came up with this at midnight when 1/6th of my brain cell was functioning. It’s probably got things in it that don’t fit the lore/are just not good and I’m sorry. :( If you want to add ideas onto anything I’ve put on here, please do. Feedback would make me very happy. Also, I have no idea what I’m using this plot for, it just exists because I made it and I wanted to share it.

What if there was an optional school for those interested in trainers? I’m actually pretty sure something similar exists but I could be wrong. Prior to their journey, they could receive a starter Pokémon and be taught how to strategize. Byleth and Jeralt could move to the nearby village a few months after the school year begins, but Jeralt could convince the headmaster—Rhea—to let Byleth join. Byleth could recieve their starter Pokémon I don’t know what the starters would be and battle against someone maybe Jeritza or Catherine or Shamir idk as a sort of entrance exam.

Upon passing, Byleth could be allowed to join one of the Three Houses. I’ve been considering naming the houses after the legendary dogs, the legendary birds, or the lake guardians.

(The paragraphs in italics are just talking about the potential names for the houses, so you can skip it if you don’t care about that.)

So I feel like Entei, Raikou, and Suicune could definitely work, but I’m not entirely sure how I feel about naming them something like, “The Entei House.” You could, of course, use their titles, but that would be something like, “The Volcano Pokemon House” and im not sure about that either. Still, I know Arceus is rumored to have played a part in these Pokémon becoming legendaries, and Arceus is going to play a part in the plot.

Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres could also work, but again, the names would be weird. “The Articuno House” Or “The Ice Bird House.” I just feel like those are weird, however I do like that the types for each House are different.

Then there’s Uxie, Azelf, and Mesprit. Their colors match pretty well, and the titles of these Pokémon could definitely relate two the House leaders. Uxie is the knowledge Pokémon and it is also yellow. Claude’s color scheme is yellow, and he’s very witty. Azelf is the willpower Pokémon and it is also blue. Dimitri’s color scheme is blue and Dimitri often has to restrain his impulses and strength. Mesprit is the emotion Pokémon and it is also pink, which is pretty close to red and it has red gems. Edelgard’s color scheme is red. The only issue with this is that Edelgard isn’t any more emotional than other characters, or at least that is what I feel. If anyone has anything to add regarding this, please feel free to say so! (Especially if I’m wrong about my Pokémon lore.)

The house Byleth picks would determine who their rival is (it’s the house leader) and who they would interact with more often. (Trainers sometimes travel in groups, so it wouldn’t be uncommon for them to see all of their old classmates hanging out.)

Again, the plot of the story was created by me at 12:00 am after reading a few bulbapedia articles on Pokémon stuff so that I could find the correct Pokémon to use.

So Sothis is the champion. Not many people have the opportunity to face her, and she’s very secretive. No one knows how long she’s been the champion, either. So I wanted her to have befriended a legendary Pokémon, but I also wanted her to be immortal (or at least I wanted her to have lived for a long time.) So, I decided to have her befriend Jirachi, the Pokémon that grants wishes. She became the Pokémon champion, but as she got older she wished that she could keep living and defend her spot as champion until someone defeated her in battle. Her wish was granted, and at some point she had children, Rhea and Seteth. I’m not incorporating her other children and I’m keeping their names, too. The Elite Four are the only people who really speak to Sothis, along with her son and granddaughter. They are obviously suspicious of why she looks so young and how she’s been there so long, so Sothis tells them the truth. When Rhea finds out, she is determined to protect her, knowing that being defeated in battle will mean she will die. Patricia, however, wants this power for herself. She secretly forms and becomes the leader of a team called Team Flame wow so creative I know who’s goal is to obtain the azure flute, capture Arceus, then use it to defeat Sothis, as Patricia is unable to defeat on her own. Cornelia, Ladislava, and Jeritza will also be members of Team Flame. Once Byleth defeats/captures Arceus, Sothis will ask Patricia if she really wants to be immortal and watch as all of her loved ones leave her behind. Patricia is remorseful, and Sothis asks her to return to the Elite Four. Once Byleth defeats Sothis, she peacefully fades away and Jirachi also departs.

That’s all I have for right now, but I would love for there to be an open discussion about FE3H/Pokémon because I love both and they are all that’s on my mind right now.

[creacherkeeper]

@astrophysiciann asked for some tips on a specific writing thing and i got kind of carried away because OH BOY DO I HAVE TIPS so it’s getting its own post 

i have taken a buttload of writing classes, got accepted onto the creative writing track at the best writing school in the US, ran a writing blog, finished an english degree, read writing books ...

do you know what has taught me more about writing than anything else?

WRITING THINGS AND PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW IM WRITING IT

im serious. nothing is going to teach you how to write except writing. want to write a good novel? WRITE A LOT OF NOVELS. HOWEVER, i have picked up on things over the years that i am very frustrated dont really get taught in writing classes. writing classes are a bunch of “here go write this and i’ll give you a grade” but like. there ARE things you can do to be a better writer

vary sentence length. absolutely important. a lot of one length is going to start to sound boring to the readers internal voice. if you cant do this naturally, take note of how many words are in each sentence as youre writing. each paragraph should have a little variety, and your paragraphs should have different numbers of sentences in them. if youre writing an action scene, trend towards shorter sentences. in my writing i tend to do a lot of “medium length. long length. long length. very short”

finish on the important information. put the important word at the end of the sentence. it keeps the reader engaged because they want to know WHATS happening and why its important. leave it for the end (this is especially true for comedy) 

adverbs aren’t bad but they really are easy to overuse. ask yourself each time “is there a better way to phrase this, and if not, does the adverb really add meaning to the sentence”. sometimes it absolutely does and thats great! a lot of times you can go without them. warning: taking the -ly off an adverb and just using the base word is valid! but your reader might interpret the speaker as uneducated and masculine, because that’s who typically does that verbally! (aka i took a linguistics & gender class and found out that i talk like an uneducated man!) 

are you starting a bunch of sentences with the same word? that sounds repetitive. major problem of mine. challenge yourself not to use the same sentence starter in each paragraph, or start the paragraphs with the same word. vary it! its harder than it looks, but you can practice

try to pepper in repetition with motifs! in my last fic i used the phrases “in the early days” and “as was mentioned” a few times each. it just helps the reader feel like they’re reading a cohesive work. one of my FAVORITE literary things is when a line comes back and means something different with repeated uses. LITERATURE!

rhythm is important. read your writing out loud and pay attention to how the sentence flows. things i use a lot to establish a beat: anaphora (repeated phrases: he thought blank1. he thought blank2. he thought blank3), syndeton (using multiple conjunctions: blank and blank and blank), and asyndeton (no conjunctions: blank, blank, blank.)

dialogue tags are your friend. the reader should know who’s speaking. when we go a long time with no dialogue tags it’s easy to get confused. HOWEVER. some tips. “said” is your friend. said becomes invisible. they’re going to see their name and that’s it and that’s fine. if you use something else, it should be justified. ‘“i love you,” he said’ is neutral. ‘“i love you,” he growled’ VERY DIFFERENT. if youre using a different tag, it should be because it adds meaning to the sentence. NO WORD WASTED! 

vary sentence structure. this includes dialogue! 

“blank” he said 

“blank” she said 

“blank” he said 

no!! boring! 

“blank” he said 

she did blank. “blank” 

“blank,” he started. he did blank. “blank” 

much more visually and audibly interesting! also - use actions with your dialogue! people move when they talk. a scratch on the neck might mean someone is embarrassed. your character might be nervous and fidgety. let people have body language!! and let them interact with their environment! 

AS FOR LARGER PROJECTS

i personally LOVE using the three act structure! if you’re not familiar, it goes like this:

ACT 1 

beginning (this is life in the BEFORE THE PLOT times)

INCITING INCIDENT (the plot is happening now! CALL TO ACTION)

door 1 (also called a “door of no return”. this is what pushes us into act 2 - what is this event that means the protagonist can never mentally or physically go back to how things were before?)

ACT 2 

midpoint (this should be the characters LOWEST POINT. they might not succeed!! how terrifying & engaging!) 

rising action! (stuffs afoot! the plot is gaining speed!) 

door 2 (oh no! they can never go back again!) 

ACT 3 

climax! (everything is coming to fruition!! everything has been leading to this!) 

falling action (this is our new world order) 

there are variations on this, but this is the basic gist. if you’re struggling with the middle of your book, which a lot of writers do, think of the midpoint. think of your protagonist. what’s the worst thing that could happen to them? whats something they would never want? how are all their plans going to fail? 

another thing you can do with your midpoint, or just your characters in general, is this: 

what is one thing they would never do, and how are you going to justify making them do it? 

this pretty much guarantees you a dynamic character, which i think is a trap beginning novelists (like myself, back in the day) can fall in to. your character needs to change--sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. if your character would swear up and down they’d never do one thing, OR if the reader THOUGHT they would never do one thing, what would that be? why are they now going to have to do it? 

another tip for big projects - figure out what kind of writer you are. do you write for the big stuff or the small stuff? 

some people are like “oh! i can’t wait for this big plot twist in act 2!” great! write everything to lead up to that plot twist 

i personally am more of a “oh i want to include this one specific line of dialogue/this one emotional beat/this one piece of imagery somewhere but x y and z would have to happen in order to make it make sense” and then i write in x y and z! 

basically, what are you EXCITED about in your story? write only for that 

another thing is wasted space. you might think writing four scenes of worldbuilding is a good idea, but aside for those worldbuilding nerd junkies out there, it probably isnt. every scene should move along the plot or develop your character. preferably both at the same time! i know everyone loves to be like “WE WERE ROBBED” about cut scenes, but like. a lot of the time those scenes were cut because they weren’t moving things along, and it was RIGHT for those scenes to be cut. sorry guys. pacing and development is important 

as far as motivation goes, find a HYPE MAN. or, even better, someone who is going to critically engage with your work. some people dont like to share their work until a full draft is written, but i need feedback as i go. find someone who’s going to tell you what they liked about it and what doesnt make sense in draft 1. these people are very important. too much criticism can kill a novel in the early stages. you need HYPE and a plot hole finder 

okay!! it’s getting late and i have work in the morning so that is all my Hot Takes for now thank you for listening 

[jayyrayy90]

I'm so angry and disappointed. I'm so frustrated with my own self too bc no matter how hard I try I can't even force myself to hate you. I have numerous reasons to hate u but I can't. I guess I'll never be able to.

What's so fucked up to me is how you can just erase me like I'm nobody to you. How you can flip a switch in your brain and I've suddenly become your enemy. How you so easily can make so many promises to me, how you can look me right in my eyes and lie to my face so easily, and how you act like you've done absolutely nothing to me or act as if the things you done were something insignificant and dumb and I'm just being overdramatic about them. Like the shit you did shouldn't matter just bc of shit i did 5 years ago or simply bc u hated me so those things were justified.

To this very day you have no respect for me and treat me as if i meant absolutely nothing to u. I don't think you will ever understand how bad that hurts me Jasmine. You, of all people in this entire world, broke me down piece by tiny piece until there was nothing left of me. You drained me of my last bit of sanity, hope for love, and I will never let another human being get close to me again as long as I'm here on this earth. You took all of that away from me so effortlessly, carelessly, and easily. I never meant anything to you and I wish like hell I knew exactly what made u hate me so much that you'd even consider doing the things you've done to me.

In some sick and cruel way, I believe u got some kind of enjoyment out of watching me fall apart. You enjoyed knowing you could go do whatever you want and come back to me whenever you got ready bc like a dummy I'd always be there waiting. I was so stupid and foolish to even think any of your promises were sincere. What made me look even dumber was the fact that I believed you and in you. I had faith in you. I was so gullible and blinded to believe that the person you used to be was still somewhere inside of you. That loving, honest, sincere, faithful, and LOYAL person u used to be had been dead and gone years ago and you kept showing/proving that to me. Yet i kept fighting to bring her back. I kept praying, hoping, and wishing that someday I'd get my baby lovey bear back. I failed to even try and believe the things you were so effortlessly trying to tell me with your actions. You've been trying to tell me that you didn't love me anymore for so many years. I was trying so hard to be/say/do everything you wanted just to make you love me. I pushed the things you were doing to me so far in the back of my mind that i allowed myself to become blinded. I just kept telling myself that you were lost and didn't know what u were doing at the time, every time I would think about the things you did.

Truth is, you knew exactly what you were doing. You knew exactly what risks u were taking. U knew exactly what u were jeopardizing. You knew. Yet you still did it anyway. You didn't care and still don't about what happens to me or my life. You have no idea the amount of pain that causes me. Its honestly like I'm loving the shadow of a person who never existed.

The way you left me, I would've never left you like that, even if i did hate you. All those years we spent together and you just leave me like that knowing I was broke. I would've never in a million years plus some, NEVER left you like that. I would've bet my entire life that you wouldn't have ever done that to me.

When you came back in my life, the one thing you would always say was, "The way I left you last time was fucked up and I know it. I got my karma. I'd never leave you like that again." Something similar to that anyway. But guess what, you left me even worse than you did the first time Jasmine. And u don't even care. How can you not even care?!! I have no words to even describe the pain. Words couldn't even come close..

In the beginning i wasn't much of the person I should have been. I had issues and addictions. I wasnt really worth your time. I put you through hell and for that I will forever be sorry. If im being honest you terrified me, no one had ever saw me the way you did. No one had ever wanted me the way you did. No one had ever made me feel the way you did. I had walls that had always kept me safe and kept me braced from the world but you... you somehow made them fall over time with your undying love for me, even when i was awful. You saw me through the worst times of my life. If not for you i wouldnt be here today. you saved me.

To me, we had a beautiful bond and an amazing love. You were everything i ever wanted and i couldn't believe you were mine. Maybe looking back that is where the trouble started...I had such guilt for who i was and how i treated you at the start and i felt so lucky to have you that i started to compromise on the things that were fundamental to me. I started to give way more then i received and i started to let you think things were okay that honestly weren't. I let you start to walk all over me and looking back maybe if i had stood up for myself then, instead of just feeling like i owed it to you for sticking with me then maybe things would be different today..

I stood by you, i did any and everything for you. I let you take out your anger on me. I would pretend to sleep until i knew you were asleep so i could just make sure you were okay. I was watching you hurt in a way i couldnt fix. I didnt know how to help, so i decided to just be everything and anything you needed. I put my entire life aside and made you my priority, my world. I dont regret it, you needed me and i was there without question.

This is where it started to go downwhill, you were changing into someone i didnt even recognize and the worst part is you couldn't even help it. Our life had become one full of fights and make ups only to fight again shortly after. You were pushing me away and i didnt know why. I dont even think you knew why, so i took all the hateful words, the poor treatment, the lack of time invested and the lack of love being shown and made it into excuses for you because of what you were dealing with. Looking back i dont think this helped you the way i thought it did. It taught you that i was always going to take it. I was going to let you walk all over me and i was going to apologize when i didnt do anything wrong simply to avoid a fight. It didnt help, you left me in such an agonizing way. i was shattered, my entire life had just fallen apart and i was lost. You were my world and you were just gone!!

I was your friend. I was your family. I was your lover. You are a person that could have been any number of things to me. Heartbreak plays no favorites when it chooses people in life to let you down. I really always had faith in you. I trusted you and the promises that you made to me. I believed in your aspirations and disregarded your ambiguity. I let you in, against my best wishes. I relentlessly defended you. I saw the beautiful parts of who you were. I made plans with you and kept them in my head like a guaranteed magnificent destination.  I loved you. I gave you all that I had and now I am left feeling empty and cheated. But do you know what the strangest and most unbelievably frustrating part of all of this is? I forgive you.

Your betrayal shook my foundation. Not just the foundation of us, but the foundation of everything I thought. All that I believed about love was up in the air. I wasn’t sure about anything. It wasn’t just about you. I was now questioning everything.

The truth is, you didn't really love me. Maybe you loved the idea of me. Maybe you loved having me around because I would have done anything for you, but if you really loved me, you wouldn't have destroyed me the way you did. That's not love.

I loved you so much that I lost sight in everything else, especially myself.  I glued myself to you so tightly because I was so terrified of losing you. Lets be honest though, you were never really mine to lose, were you?

You always treated me so coldly, and I couldn't ever understand why when all I ever did was love you. Sometimes the harsh words you used still stay inside of my head.

I was never good enough, or at least that is how you would treat me. I was always wrong, I was the crazy one after the break up, it was never you. It was always me. You were poison to my heart, and I wanted so badly to save you, but I couldn't. You destroyed me mentally and emotionally to the point where I can’t even feel emotions anymore. To the point where I am literally completely numb to feeling anything or having real true emotions towards anyone or anything.

When I met you, I knew. I knew in some way, shape, or form, you would hold incredible significance to my life. I knew you were going to be a constant. I knew you would change me.

Yes, we had our disagreements, but we always made our way back to each other. I always felt you in my heart, there was nothing you could do to make me that upset for long. I already needed you. I knew, the second I held you close to me, I knew, that this was it for me. You were it. All I wanted, and all I would ever need.

You have issues, my love. Internal struggles with yourself, external issues with your family and others around you ­and it weighs you down. I never have held that against you. But the struggles you faced made it impossible for you to love me the way you wanted to, the way I needed you to. Still, I held on, praying you would stay with me, praying you would get better. Through all the fights, the petty disagreements, and the abuse, I stayed. Why?

I loved you blindly of course. I loved you without restrictions, and without caution. I loved you wildly. In my head, I knew you could be better. I wanted to see that happen for you. I wanted to help you get to where you should be. I believed in you. I loved you so deeply, I would have, and did do, anything on Earth for you.

The truth is, you are not who I once loved. That person is gone. That person took some of the deepest parts of myself with them. I will always love them.

Had you tried for me, love, had you tried for you, we would have been in love forever. But you didn’t, and sitting around waiting for you only made things harder on me. I’ve accepted the fact that the you I once knew is gone.

I didn’t want to move on from you. I hoped in the deepest cell of my heart that you would come back and sweep me up and make things better. But eventually, I chose to move on. I chose to heal myself. I chose to fix what you shattered. It didn’t come easily, and nearly everyday is a struggle… but I have to. You are the love of my life, but you are long gone now...