#im still sad there's only three works for the other fandom for it

[phatburd]

🥫

[wasyago]

Love your art! I was super inspired by your Gillion design specially. He's so squishable (positive).

Do you have a specific process for designing characters? Be it original or reimagining canon designs of fandom

thank you!! :D

hmm, well, i don't remember the last time i properly designed an original character, so nothing on that front. for reimagining designs... i don't have a step by step way i do it, it varies from character to character, but i can point out some of the things i do that might be helpful?

i largely base my designs on the vibes the character gives me: their manner of speech, their actions, their story and personality. and also the world and environment around them if it affects the character. it sounds pretty obvious but like, duh.

im gonna try and explain on gillion's example since its the one you mentioned. he's a himbo, a swimmer and a paladin, so he's gonna be buff or at least a little thicker. he's a triton, so he's short. he's also short for the reason that he is in an unfamiliar for him world and he might feel small in it. he's also short because it makes him look almost child like, connecting it to his trauma and lack of childhood that manifests in his behavior now. gillion is kind or at least trying to be, so his features will be softer and rounder. but sometimes he's chaotic or harsh, so he has some sharp features too. though they're secondary, the softness is still the main focus.

i also really like to think and overthink the designs while drawing. i try to keep everything simpler and less detailed, showing personality with shapes rather than uhh presence(?), but that means that details i do include have a lot of thought behind them.

one of my favorite things is practically. i love to think about what a character would realistically wear in the climate they're in, which clothing would be comfortable for their anatomy and field of work. would certain things get in the way or would they be helpful? how would they style their hair, do they need it tied back or do they not care? would they wear make up, why yes or why not? etc etc etc. i like asking myself questions and answering them in the design.

continuing with the gillion example. he's constantly wet because he's a triton (again, yes), so it would be more comfortable for him to wear a wetsuit. other clothes may stick to him and be uncomfortable, or get stuck on his fins, etc. he doesn't have any piercings, there's no way he would've gotten them in the undersea, and on the surface i don't think there was anything meaningful enough to promt him to get it. plus fin ears. he doesn't have his hair styled in a complicated way because of the coral on his head. doesn't wear a lot of jewelry because he jumps in the water a lot and it'll easily get lost. no belts or flowy bits because they constrict the movement and might get in the way.

and then like. all the personal headcanons and preferences and little bits and things. there's a lot of elements that i draw just because i like how they look. or because that's a comfortable thing for me, or because it's cute or hot or sad or whatever. or because i saw it while looking for inspiration and i really liked it. just bullshitting with the design and making it my own, yknow?

for gillion. gave him a cool long tail and lots of fins everywhere because i like it when inhuman characters are openly and visibly inhuman and have distinct features. and gillion is VERY much not human, part of his personality is being confused about humans. big ol yellow eyes with slits — look cool, also doubles as an inhuman feature, also makes him look curious about the world. small black stripes all over his body — make him look more fishy, plus because there's a lot of them and they're all the same they form a pattern that looks more like a natural anatomical feature and draw less attention. coral that goes around his head and not only the front like a tiara— makes it feel more three dimensional and looks cool in perspective (also i kinda just drew it wrong and never fixed it). coral and fins are pink — adds some much needed color variation and contrast, plus pink is one of the more natural colors which again make him look animalistic and not magical, plus ties in with pretzel. his skin is closer to green than blue — removes blue from the color pallet (especially with his eyes being yellow instead of blue), making the design more coherent and pleasing, allows me to properly introduce reds and purples without it looking like a mess of colors (although it still does sometimes). sharp teeth — fish, cute. yellowish underbelly — supports the yellow for the eyes and makes it stand out less, plus again, animalistic feature. little to no details on the clothing — creates good negative space that lets the eyes rest and focus the attention on everything else. his fringe and hair are floating around and don't follow the laws of physics — personal headcanon that it always looks like he's under water, plus adds roundness to the design because of the waves and curls.

ookay haha sorry didn't mean to write down literally every design decision here-- kind of derailed the post again.

basically yeah, for me designing is like a dialog with myself where i ask and answer questions. also something that wasn't mentioned are references and inspiration. if i don't have a good idea when i start, i usually scroll through my gallery or pinterest for some time to get ideas and figure out the general direction i want to take the design, maybe also find some fun stuff to include, etc.

hopefully this long ramble was at least somewhat helpful or gave you insight on my progress. i wanted to draw some things to also visually explain the design decisions for gill, but i think I'll do it later and in a separate post, and maybe include chip and jay too...

umm good luck 👍👍

[codenamesazanka]

i dropped mha awhile ago bc it was getting a bitttt too copaganda-y for me and you are like one of three mha blogs i still follow i tuned back in again just to find out the ending im so sorry to shigaraki he shouldve at least been allowed to destroy mount fuji rip king he’ll be spitting on heroes from the skys now….. the kinda split reaction between the japanese fans and western fans is interesting to me it kinda feels like fans are reacting to two different stories? or like focused on very different aspects? anyways thanks for what you do keep it up 👍🏻

Thank you for all your follow and love for all these years!!!! <3333 i'm really happy and grateful and I hope i've kept you entertained the whole time!!!!

Yeah, BnHA is very adamant about its Heroes! So! Cool! Worship Them Like Gods! thing. Just when you think it'll be deconstructing the concept of Hero Society, All Might comes back to be fueled by the wishing energy of the world to inject acid into his opponent. Quite a choice. I'm so just in it for the villains. Sorry it didn't work out for you! And sorry you had to come back to Shigaraki ending up like that. 😭😭😭so far. He really should've been allowed to destroy Mt. Fuji.

As for the contrast between the Japanese fandom and the English-speaking fandom... I caution my observations being the whole and objective truth!

I'm much more familiar with Villain Fans Section of the English-speaking fandom; and while we're very loud and vocal, it does seem like the majority opinion is that Heroes are cool, Villains are bad, ending is acceptable. Meanwhile, I'm looking only at japanese tweets through keywords, and they're bound to be more positive because it seems like people avoid tagging their hate; anonymous message boards are freer with their criticism, but there's still never essay-length rants. I'm sure there has bound to be those existing somewhere, but with my mainly surface access into jfandom, I wouldn't know where to look for them.

Plus, there are a few people in jfandom who have the same gripes: why is Endeavor allowed to continue to be a Hero; the heteromorph resolution is majority-oriented and unfair to the minorities; the social issues aspect should've been addressed more; Deku shouldn't have invaded Shigaraki's mind like that, and it's a bit concerning that he seems to have no reaction to the total annihilation of a man in front of him, etc. Not a lot, and, as I said, not as vocal as in English-speaking fandom, but they're there.

However, from my observations, in my opinion I think there are a few key differences:

Shonen Jump is about the protag Heroes. What it is and should be. I think bnha is pointed out to be pretty uniquely sympathetic to its villains?

jfandom are much less lenient towards the Villains. They can love the League, they can criticize Heroes, but they readily acknowledge that the League have done terrible things and should be punished accordingly. Doesn't matter their sad backstories; they still hurt people and they need to pay for that. They're unforgivable. Like, the idea that Tenko killing his family - even if completely by accident, even if manipulated - is a sin no matter what and he should atone for it, is more prominent. (There are also people who will forever know Bakugou as the 'jump off the roof' bully and never forgive him no matter how much development he goes through.)

The concept of 'saving' seems to be more focused on saving the heart, freeing someone from suffering, giving them relief. It does not necessarily mean not killing them, or ever forgiving them, or ever considering them likeable.

the concept of 'the needs of the many outweighs the needs of the few' seems to also be somewhat more significant. of course the few should be accepted and treated right, and they should be accommodated, but it's best to... avoid causing trouble for other (normal) people, let's say. Sometimes, though, the few can't be made to feel accepted, and that's how things are. It's a pity. There are definitely people fighting against this idea, and English-speaking fandom isn't exempt from this either (soooo many 'wow Toga is just a psychopath' takes still existing; and also 'who cares about Muscular' even from the Villain fans), but it's a thing.

Jfandom appears to like it more that Shigaraki sticks to his guns. to the very end, he's stays true to the League; he stands by his choices and actions even if they were under undue influence; and he's a Hero to the Villains. Loyalty and a strong conviction are valued. Seems to be less fretting whether Tenko and Tomura are separate people/identities/persona. (Still a few who think 'Shimura Tenko' will come back.)

and so end result is that overall, Deku did do his job, and admirably at that. He didn't ignore The Crying Child when he could've/should've because Shigaraki was already unforgivable for his actions at Jaku (and before); he saved Shigaraki/Tenko's heart by providing relief, but that doesn't necessarily mean he needed to understand or befriend Shigaraki, or that Shigaraki should be converted (for lack of better word) and saved physically; he's a Hero who stopped a threat and saved the world; and Shigaraki disintegrating is simply just desserts.

But like I said above, it could be that those points aren't specific at all to jfandom. There are certainly a lot of people who think the ending is great and satisfying in the english-speaking fandom (and from what i've seen of machine-translated spanish/french/portuguese/etc tweets, also those fandoms). It's just the critiques are very in your face, and Villain fans are very vocal. I know I certainly am.

Thanks for the ask!!!!!

[monstersinthecosmos]

As a fellow Marius lover, I always find it kind of disheartening how most of the content/fandom talk about him (meta, fic, fanart, etc.) revolves around m/m ships (Marius/Armand in particular but I’d even go as far to include Marius/Daniel here) when, in my opinion, Marius is like the one male character in the VC universe whose relationships with women are far more interesting than his relationships with other men (the only other character might be Lestat but even then it’s pretty 50/50). They’re so monumental and so full of complexities and pain and so much love and they define him and inform his character in ways that I think, his relationships with men simply do not. Interesting/hot under the right circumstances? Sure but like ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THIS MAN??? AND HOW HE RELATES TO WOMEN??? It’s one of the best things Anne ever wrote and I can never get enough of it and it makes me sad how little content there is of it and I feel I can never say this out loud because I would never want to make people feel bad about what they ship (truly not my intention here) but ugh SO MUCH potential there for life changing discourse and meta about Marius and the women he’s loved and lost and have shaped who he is and there’s like… nothing.

Tl;dr the reason I’m sending this ask is because I’m a firm believer that you must be the change you want to see in this world and because YOU get it! And every time you post or write about Marius/Pandora (or Marius/Akasha! Or talk about Marius/Bianca) an angel gets its (black) wings. You are seen, you are loved and appreciated tysm <3

OKAY FIRST OF ALL THIS WAS SUCH A DELIGHT TO GET IN MY INBOX, SECOND IM GOING TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST AND ADMIT I FEEL TOO INCOHERENT TO TACKLE THIS TOPIC HAHA. I don’t feel articulate enough to do it justice. And I don’t say that to be obnoxious and self deprecating but like in all honesty idk how to synthesize it neatly but I think you’re sharing some GREAT IDEAS. 

I have to say this in bullet points because I don’t feel equipped to string this into a cohesive post:

Marius was based on Anne’s husband, and Marius/Pandora was based on their marriage!!!!! And I think it explains a lot about why their relationship feels so fuckin POTENT to me, like it’s so genuine!!!!!!! And like knowing that I think it makes sense why she wrote him so HOT lol. Like she’s just writing thirsty stuff about her husband right? LOL

Also like insofar as there’s a lot of genderfluidity in VC there’s also something vaguely misogynist about it at times. And Anne Rice was a mega feminist and her work had so much womens lib in it!!!!! So I don’t think it’s intended as misogyny at all vs. Anne having conversations about gender and maybe her own relationship to gender. I think enough characters have said vaguely misogynist stuff that it makes me think it’s an Anne Problem vs being Watsonian. (This is also a historical/time period issue and we can discuss another time if and when vampires are supposed to break out of that when they transcend humanity and social constructs even when they’re still saying weird sexist shit at their big ages.) But I say that to say all VC characters are a tad sexist, even if perhaps she was writing with the intention of her own male power fantasy/male superiority/penis envy. AND THAT MAKES MARIUS VERY INTERESTING. 

Cause like really the three main ladies in his life (Akasha, Pandora, Bianca) DO define him so much! And we don’t see him pine for Armand the way he did for any of them! Why!!!

Like there’s that aspect of sexism where women can be infantilized by men who don’t think they’re being unkind and it makes me wonder, especially when the author is a boomer, like where is that line between condescension and respect? I don’t have an answer here, this is too big-brained for me LOL but like he is SO devoted to the women in his life and I just wonder like if he sees them as creatures unlike himself, you know? 

This is headcanon territory but I bet he’s such a fucking sub to Pandora lol and it just thrills me that he spent 2000 years begging Akasha for affection and she ignored him the whole damn time wow. And he continued to simp!

AND ALSO LIKE, I think people DO NOT DISCUSS THIS OFTEN ENOUGH, but did we forget that he chose Armand because he needed a Bianca rebound? He was absolutely TORTURED by his love for Bianca and picked Armand because he didn’t want to kill her oh my god. Oh my god!!! HE KEPT HER LETTER IN HIS POCKET OVER HIS HEART OKAY??? HE DIDN’T WANT TO DRAG HER INTO HIS COLD AND FATAL DOMAIN????? Fuck lol

It’s so fucked up that he didn’t go after Armand but spent like actual fucking millennia trying to find Pandora. HE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE ARMAND WAS AND LEFT HIM THERE LOL BUT PANDORA HAUNTED HIM EVERY NIGHT OF HIS LIFE FOR CENTURIES.

After everything he wound up spending like 200 years with Bianca or something and ?????? CORRECT because Bianca was the fledgling he actually wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But it’s odd, I know I’ve said this 337589235 times, but Marius like. Has an idea of the person he wants to be and he tries SO HARD to live by logic & reason and he just can’t reconcile with the fact that he has EMOTIONS. And so like part of the person he wants to be like, open/empathetic/wise and he begs his lovers/students/fledglings to CHALLENGE HIM when he’s not actually healed enough to be challenged? And to me there’s something kinda like, extra spicy about it when you’re in Rice World and you’re a lil sexist; how much that burns EXTRA when it’s Pandora or Bianca sticking up to you or AKASHA FUCKIN IGNORING YOU. 

Just really incredible that this person who is like the epitome of a patriarch has such fucked up relationships with all the women in his life. And like he underestimates these women, like the way he tries to manipulate Bianca and she leaves him! PANDORA AND AKASHA ARE UNAVAILABLE TO HIM AND BIANCA FUCKIN LEAVES.

akasSHA JUST IGNROING HIM!! JUST STRAIGHT UP FUCKIN IGNORING HIM FOR 2,000 YEARS!!!! HE'S OBSESSED WITH HER!

Anyway Enkil is ignoring him too but he doesn’t give a shit about that guy tbh lol 

Also the amount of space he gives Eudoxia and Zenobia in his book like there’s more here too but tbh it’s midnight and I can’t start unpacking. I just think like, in 2000 years it’s interesting how Eudoxia wound up having such a lasting impact on his life. 

I did just peek at the Eudoxia part and I’m dying, he goes “Her face was small, oval, and as close to perfection as anything I've ever beheld, even though she bore no resemblance to Pandora who was for me perfection itself.” CERTIFIED WIFE GUY.

What kinda mommy issues are we dealing with here? HIS MOTHER WAS A SLAVE THAT DIED IN CHILDBIRTH AND HE INHERITED HER GENES AND LOOKED LIKE HER AND DIDN’T LOOK LIKE HIS FATHER & BROTHERS? AND HE’S SORT OF AN OUTCAST AS A HUMAN LIKE ? THE STIGMA HERE? AND THEN HE SPENDS 2000 YEARS WORSHIPPING HIS NEW MOTHER??? PERHAPS YOU COULD SAY ENSLAVED TO HER? IDK MAN. 

IS THIS ALSO WHY HE WAS SO OBSESSED WITH LOSING PANDORA?

The irony too, and something I think a lot of people miss, is that he DIDN’T WANT TO MARRY PANDORA LOL. He wanted to be betrothed to a child so that he could FUCK OFF and NOT get married because she wasn’t old enough to get married! He fucked off! He went exploring! He said this is not for me! 

AND TO GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND BE MURDERED BY HIS MOTHERS PEOPLE???? IDK. 

I’m not sure how these last two points tie into anything but I just wanted to mention his complicated relationship with Pandora and his own heritage lol. And then Akasha like DELIVERS Pandora to him because she’s like “wow this guy needs somebody lol and I am not emotionally available” — Akasha who was famously a violent genocidal radfem and who would not approve of his relationship with Armand but explicitly allowed him to have Pandora and Bianca. IDK WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN! 

Did Akasha approve of these women because she knew Marius was completely pussywhipped and would worship them and she wanted to see someone mommydom the fuck out of him and she knew that Armand would never be that person? 🫢

And again I want to say like, taking the author into consideration!! Anne Rice had a HORRIFIC relationship with her mom so you see these themes pop up occasionally in her work. DESPITE ALL OF THAT SHE IS STILL A FEMINIST AND WRITES ABOUT MATRILINEAR FAMILIES like The Great Family or the Mayfairs. But thinking about Mothers in Anne Rice Works makes me think a lot about this like, the damage they can do and the voids they can leave even when you’re a feminist and love women! You see a TON of this with Gabrielle and I always think that Lestat & Marius are such similar characters that you can do a lot of extrapolating or backwards engineering to ask questions about them and how they work, since we get SO MUCH Lestat POV in this series to work with and how we can zoom out sometimes and ask like, what is common across her entire body of work and what is more specifically common between Lestat & Marius and WHAT EVEN MORE INTERESTINGLY is a result that they were both based on her husband in their inceptions. 

Like how much of this has to do with Marius’s actual feelings towards men vs women on purpose, or how much was subconscious author bias, how much was simply that Anne Rice based him on her husband and she was THIRSTY, idk. It’s always hard to say in VC because Anne was such an intuitive and self-indulgent author and the stories are so weird!!! So your mileage may vary!

But I agree with you that these are FASCINATING relationships!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I like Marius/Armand too (I recently made a post about how I didn’t “””””ship”””” them but then I spent 2 months working on a M/A fic every day and now I think I’ve corrupted and converted myself LMAO) but yeah like. There’s such a lack of substance between them in the end. He treats Armand like he’s temporary, fucks up and moves on, and it’s such a departure from how DEVOTED he was with all his other partners. 

Wow I didn’t think I had a lot to say, sorry about that. !!! EVERY TIME I BROUGHT A POINT UP I THOUGHT OF 5 MORE POINTS GOSH I COULD TALK ABOUT MARIUS ALL DAY.

[verycharismaticdragon]

...Would it be alright to ask how the sequel to "A Transmigrator and a Time Traveler Walk Into the Bamboo House" that you mentioned in the AN is doing? If not, please ignore this ask, thank you for all of your writings, and have a lovely day!! Otherwise- it's been half a year, and I was curious if you're still working on it, or if you've shifted fandoms/stopped for one of many other valid reasons? Have you had any favorite moments that you looked/are looking forward to sharing? Any sections that you're really pleased with how they turned out?

I love your story so much!! Ahh, I'm just *still* so excited to see how the relationships develop, now that the truth is on the table!! I keep wondering whether or not Binghe will find out about his Shizun's plans to revive himself - with the System dangling the promise/reward of accessing the memory data, Shen Qingqiu might find out about it! But, would he tell Binghe? Would he think it would reassure Binghe, or make him feel like absolute *scum* - Binghe suffering so much due to his death that he turned back *time*, when he wasn't *really* dead!

And! It's only been 3 years, not 5 it took, but - did the System simulate the old reality long enough that he would have awakened?? Would he get access to any simulated memories that occurred between Luo Binghe turning back time, and him giving the System go-ahead to stop running that old world? AAHHHHHHHHHHHH

And, will we get CucumberPlane friendship??? The Binghe-Airplane friendship was *amazing*, so could they be an actual, proper group of friends????

I just keep circling back to imagining how on *Earth* Shen Qingqiu will respond to the truth and all of these revelations, once he's gotten over the initial shock and the immediate need to comfort and reassure Binghe! Once he has a chance to *think*, what knots will this man tie himself into???

...Ah, I love your story and world so much!!! I'd still be incredibly happy and satisfied if just what you've written so far existed - thank you so much for the wonderful, wonderful story!!!!!!!! Please know that it continues to live in my head-rent free, and it likely will for a *long* time to come!!

Have a wonderful day!!

It's still a thing that's happening! Just not... soon lmao. I'm currently re-reading canon slowly and thoroughly, to both sharpen my SQQ voice and to ensure I'm not missing details!

(Yes I'm still in mourning about forgetting that bit from vol.3 about LBH physically pulling SQQ out of bed during disciple days, and unknowingly contradicting it.)

(Also I gotta put it out there that it took me almost 2 years to write Transmigrator Time Traveler. With a year-long break in the middle. So I'm just hoping to write the sequel a lil faster than that.)

As for the scenes, I'm having a lot of fun with the post-realization convo, wherein SQQ is trapped between 'well im straight so im gonna turn him down' and 'cant make binghe sad!!!' (and the undercurrent of not really wanting to turn binghe down. that he refuses to acknowledge.)

Some highlights:

“And if not after three years, then maybe after five, or ten, or twenty years,” Luo Binghe continued, with a hopeful lilt Shen Qingqiu didn’t know how to smack down without feeling like a heartless villain. “If not then, then maybe in a hundred years shizun will consider giving this disciple a chance…” And thus, before Shen Qingqiu could think up a proper reply, he was blasted in the face with this enormous number Luo Binghe seamlessly threw out.

and this (context is that lbh has wheedled a 'well i guess lots of things could happen in 100 years...' out of sqq, and is trying not to be too demanding)

“This disciple has no right to ask for anything else. If shizun…” Luo Binghe, seemingly not aware he was doing so, pulled a face, “if shizun wants to… other people……” Shen Qingqiu swallowed an undignified chortle that threatened to break free. Binghe somehow managed to look both like he was a puppy left out in the rain, and like he had bitten into a particularly sour lemon. Shen Qingqiu truly couldn’t help it; the urge to tease was just too much! “What,” Shen Qingqiu asked mildly, “you aren’t gonna promise to poke out the eyes of any men that dare to look at me? Not even hang any of my exes on the palace gates..?” Luo Binghe startled out of his expression, blinking confusedly before looking up at Shen Qingqiu. “Oh, right, no palace,” Shen Qingqiu ‘remembered’. “And no exes, for my part.” After a moment, Binghe huffed out something between a laugh and an exasperated sigh. “I could get a palace, if shizun wanted one,” he said casually, almost offhandedly, as if that would require about as much effort as picking up dinner from the specific restaurant that was just a little out of the way — sure, some effort, but definitely nothing too daunting. (Binghe really was so effortlessly cool! — Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but note.) “And shizun wouldn’t be happy if I poked someone’s eyes out on his behalf.” If it was anyone else, Shen Qingqiu would take this as a joke: like, oh, that’s the only thing that’s preventing you? But… no matter how sweet his Binghe was… he was still very much the protagonist who conquered the Endless Abyss. “Mn, please don’t do that,” Shen Qingqiu said seriously.

(me, writing this: im like dropping hints that sqq is still fundamentally comfortable with binghe despite being shook by the realization that he was being romanced!)

The first outline for this scene btw was just:

Sqq: sorry we can't be in a romantic relationship Lbh, dramatically: OK but I want to be the most important person in your life >:T Sqq, relieved: oh why didn't you just say so, okay In their thoughts, both: I don't think he understands what 'romantic relationship' means...

---

As for other things:

SQQ will not be learning about the plant body thing for a while yet. I know where I would put it, but I'm as of yet unsure if I'm going to write that instalment. For the sequel, SQQ will not get his memories unlocked until very late into the plot. Watsonian explanation is that he will not have the time to watch like 6 years of memory-TV straight, and if he asks the System to show him something, he has to at least know it happened. Doylist explanation is that he will have enough problems for me to maintain tension level even without him being fucked up about putting Binghe through his fake death :) and so I'd rather save it for a moment where it could be a major tension point of its own.

The System did not simulate the other world for long enough for "SY" to come back there, and even if it did, it would be like. a chatgpt version of SY. Plus the way i described how system's saved memories work, it'd be more like how SQQ experienced SJ's memories in the dream realm, and not as if he had actually lived the events. (And honestly SY living through coming back to find Binghe gone would be too angsty for me. I like things balanced between hurty and comforty.) (But also every time I think about how this au could be used to set up a spare SY!SQQ and I've decided against it, I imagine this:

sorry binggy)

Lastly, the cucumberplane friendship is on the menu, and so is the 1 braincell trio know-the-future club shenanigans ;D

[chanquokka]

Here's A Little Get-To-Know-You Tag Game!

Tagged by: de wonderfulest ppl @noonaracha @straykidsgallery and @itsstraykids thank you sm!!! (go appreciate their cool point stories!)

Name(s): juni! is what i decided. some friends on this hellsite also call me solar so wtv u prefer. atp i just have a bunch of nicknames bcs i also have a Weird Name, A Weirder (Family) Nickname in real life

Pronouns: he/she/they/it<3 when i say feel free. pls and thank u

Star Sign: libra, right when it starts (and just a day after seungmin's!)

#of Siblings And Fun Facts About Them(if u have any): one (1) younger gremlin brother, and the funnest fact abt them is that he has been a walking directory of telephone no's since he was 4 and now can be relied upon to calculate large numbers inside his head in point seconds. Still hates physics(and most things theory)> by which, he also stores insane and inane amount of stats info (abt all types of things, but mostly sports) inside his head ready to be flourished at a moments notice, which is mildly impressive when ur 6 and debating with college students the scores of a game that happened 15yrs before u were born but not now when ur 17 and ppl are more focused on your test scores rather than ones u know, so</3 also has his birthday on changbin's but he doesnt know abt that

#of Pets: there's a history there. with fishes that my ma deceived me with on my 12th birthday(when i asked for a pet, i imagined smth i could hold) and then liked too much herself that we had them for 5yrs. three times; birds, but my brother kind of freed them while singing a lullaby with only me as an unbelieving witness. a dog (belovedest of em all) my dad picked from street as a puppy and who, then, had to be given away after 3yrs bcs of Stupid Reasons im still mad abt. now i just have street cats showing up at my front door to safekeep their babies on my staircase's isolated nooks till they grow up and vanish and street dogs who believe i have endless supplies of treats and show me sad faces when i dont. i really want a pet</3 but for now im contending with pictures of kitties whose moms operate on strict 'see-dont-touch' policies and sweet sweet strays who like to befriend u too easy.

Fandoms: many, but rn im active mostly in skz and mxtx. id love to be in other stuff i read and watch but since Capitalism hates me dearly,,,

Favorite Color: darker shades of all and any colors(esp blue green and red)!!! can be relied upon immensely to look warm and pretty always

Favorite Song: picking favorites for anything is out of my capabilities. also am just listening to my favorite bollywood playlist a lot these days.

Favorite Author: have a working list of favorite poets that does not end at 1. have not read a book seriously in four years of exam/prep-locking. but even if i did, idt ill be able to pick any favorite bcs, yk. good things in many things. (tldr; its roald dahl) (and ruskin bond who i read when i was 5 and still read when im so tired bcs his stories inspire me to write always)

Hobbies: I dance(perform) sometimes? I write??(←derogatory, dubious) make stuff, mostly poems and stories and tinker with free things i can do, both online or craft. analysis of things with friends is a beloved activity. i liek yoga and stretching (rn in an ongoing war with 3° winter mornings to drag myself out of bed and go to class at 6) cooking when i have time but mostly, always, reading (or! watching) stories, poems and learning abt cool nonfiction things (does crying abt fiction count)

Favorite Holiday: none of the above its the trips and getaways u make for yourself. all my beloved memories are always mostly from when our family makes a trip to someplace my mom insists or there's a non-worrying emergency to go somewhere. just family getting together under some pretense, even tho it is stressful as fuck.

Do You Have Any Partner(s): persuading my best friend atm but sadly she's straight</3(no lmao)

Fun facts about you/anything extra you wanna share!: since im having it rn- coffee doesnt keep me up or sometimes even makes me nod off, a fact i discovered after my 14yr old brain had the brilliant idea to try out the cool, forbidden drink after dinner knowing i wasnt allowed to. this is not fun to my ma but growing up in a sort of restrictive household, im also just weirdly good at sneaking and doing stuff im not supposed to without getting caught. i also do not know how to talk in lesser words. this is an absolute curse, yes i have tried. beware</3

this^ is a mess but thank u i had fun!! lemme tag: @winterfloral @syannie @hyunhomoons @quokki @chogiwow @agibbangs @rainknow @lixence @hyunebear @straykidsgallery @jerirose @ambivartence @hongjoongpresent + anyone who wishes to! apologies if tagged already!

[constelationprize]

📚and✍️ for the fanfic questions!

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

Oh. Several.

I love all of @dayurno's fics, the patron saint of Kevin Day POVs. This is also the place where I admit to not having finished the name of the game yet despite it being one of the fics that convinced me to come back into the fandom, because something about it made me sad and I take. Absurdly long to finish things that make me sad. I also cleaned the 388 open tabs I had on my phone and forgot where exactly I had stopped. But Im going back there!!!! Someday. Also dayurno is so sweet and their blog is just a very fun place to hang out in.

@knickknacksandallthat A Falling Star series was literally the joy of my life the latter half of 2023 and knowing there was going to be a new chapter every friday helped me through some of the harshest weeks in college (and there were. A lot of them). I have reread the last chapter of Darkest Before Dawn many many many times because it is rare that miscommunication angst hits THAT good.

sunset, like survival by @jaywalkers is one of my favorite fics, ever, let alone in this fandom. Baltimore is my favorite part of the trilogy because of the emotional punch it packs and the way this fic takes that and turns it aaaaaall the way up in all three of the POVs is nothing short of masterful. It even makes me like the ending of that arc a little bit. Also the author just finished their other kandreil multichapter fic and it's the first thing on my reading list for my Carnaval break from work because you bet I'm gonna use all the time I can get to savour it.

I have the absolute privilege of betaing @queer-lovebot's fic Good to Go (Going Nowhere Fast) and it's just. So good. It's a WIP and there's two chapters out as of today and I think everyone in the entire world should read it maybe. Go check it out while it's still fresh so you can brag to your friends that you were here first!!!!!! (This is only a slight exaggeration. Fame is a construct but you should read it NOW anyway. Live dangerously go read a WIP).

Edit because I almost forgot: Have you heard the word of our lord and savior The Later Parade? I thought I liked Kevjean before I read this. I was wrong. This fic unlocked potentials of kevjean-loving within me only comparable to an anime villain revealing their final form. Like my bookmark on ao3 says, "this is the greatest thing I have ever read. goodbye".

✍️ What's your ideal writing set up?

At home, on my notebook in my desk, ceiling fan ON, with the biggest cup of passionfruit juice I can find, and wathever ambient noise my brain likes most at the time on repeat. (It can very from any song to rain sounds to those playlists of classical music. I once wrote 50k words to the repeated playlist of Brian David Gilbert's AAAAAAAAAH!BBA. Good times.)

[kasasagi-eye]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

I was actually considering making an author's favs collection several times, but. honestly it'd be so much easier to make "author vaguely dislikes and considers deleting" one as that covers majority of them. Just like Alexander Hamilton, I'll never be satisfied. BUT. I do reread some of my fics, so imma do the five I reread most often because I wrote them to scratch a particular itch of mine, and they still work in that way. So here are My Five Fics I Do Not Hate:

Heavenly Pillar Down (bingjiu): a winner by about five miles! I reread it when Im sad and have yet to find it cringy. A win! don't let them throw me away (liujiu, the whole series) this one is also quite satisfying. I especially enjoy the last installment Three Wishes: the only thing I don't like about it is that im sorta repeating myself because I shamelessly copied the premise of Misalignment here. But I really enjoy jiuyuan interactions here.

I (26m) drank my best friend’s (28f) breast milk: again, jiuyuan! another one I reread this when im down The last one is hard. Probably Pareidolie, a fic I wrote in Czech for a fandom of one (myself). I like how I succeeded in conveying what I wanted with relatively few words (1k-ish), that doesnt happen very often. ghost light's not bad either I guess.

Tagging if you want to play

@veliseraptor @aledono @xpityx @marquisguyun @shorimochi @brawlite

[jakowskis]

Day 15 - Are there any ships you dislike?

alrighty so. there are only rlly four i ‘dislike’, and the first three… it’s more complicated than anything, it’s not entirely utter pure-n-simple disdain. it’s less about the ships themselves (in two of the cases, anyway) and more about how they seem to be perceived by the fandom + how much they dominate everything. other ships exist, guys! the other characters exist! anyway ill try not to be mean but i am gonna be petty, lol

so for starters, yeah, jack x ianto. i have a very specific view of it, that i do enjoy, but the fandom seems to be doing something else entirely and i've developed some resentment despite myself. especially bc it’s overrated as fuck. don’t get me wrong, it’s iconic, as far as being culturally significant gay rep, but if im honest idk how well they hold up in 2024? i thought their relationship in s1 and s2 of the show was lackluster at best. poorly written bread crumbs. and yeah i know it was big for 2006 but im just personally kind of offended that they could show them sucking face but not show the intricacies of why the hell ianto would fall for a guy who shot his girlfriend down?? like, their relationship is inherently dark and angsty to me and im interested in exploring that, bc the show certainly doesn’t (initially) bother to, and a lot of the fan content i see is either fluffy (??????????), or angsty in a Tragique way, or is just kind of… fetishy and whumpy? people slot them into a Specific Kind of Dynamic and it grosses me tf out. so the fandom culture rubs me wrong, and then it’s just… such a bummer to like owen and tosh and gwen in a fandom that only seems to prioritize this one ship. there are 22k fics in the torchwood ao3 tag, and 13k of them are janto. now, all that being said… they do intrigue me and endear me, just a bit. but it took the audios to make me give a fuck about them, which is sad. 

on that same note - i have the same relationship with tosh x owen, but i'm significantly less fond of it, cuz it just plain rubs me wrong. i like them in theory, so i spent months trying to figure out how to make them work and what other people are seeing that they think is so endearing and cute - i just can't find it. owen's treatment of tosh is just about the only thing i can't stand about him. he treats everyone poorly, but most of the rest of the cast defends themself (or even hit back, like ianto and gwen, and thats why i ship them with him! it’s spicy! i love balanced unhealthy dynamics in fiction hfdsjkf i can’t lie) - but tosh just lets him, creating an unhealthy power imbalance where she’s just getting hurt over and over again, and it makes me wanna fucking punch him cuz she does Not deserve that. i want him far away from her lmao. except under certain circumstances, cuz i have written fic about them, and i’ve read like three rlly good ones (and the main link between them is tosh stands up for herself and puts him in his place! i HATE how he walks all over her in canon ughhhhhhhhh). additionally, i do admittedly enjoy the angst of their canon arc. i just think fandom throwing them together and making it cutesy is lazy, uncreative, and an injustice to both characters. i think the SHOW throwing them together was an injustice to both characters, especially tosh’s. they're tragic and compelling, ill give them that, but theyre not sweet, and i don't think they'd be good for each other. 

(also worth noting on a show where everyone has tension w each other, imo barrowman & gareth and naoko & burn pull it off the least convincingly and have little to no chemistry. like every other duo just kind of sparks in some way or another, and neither of those duos do. which SUCKS bc they’re the canon ones. but it’s also heavily poor writing like they were doing the best w what they had. grr. like i still dont know what the fuck ianto likes about jack or what tosh likes about owen 😭 that’s ridiculous!)

the other ship i’m petty about is jack x john hart. i just think it’s far too popular for what it is. idek why that is, do we have a substantial amount of buffy fans in the fandom? don’t get me wrong, i liked john in the show + i liked their relationship as well, but i'll always be annoyed when a minor character gets more attention than the fascinating main ones. 

and lastly i hate john x ianto, because i respect ianto, lmao. i can’t lie, if he was my fav i’d probs ship it HJFKDSHFK i love putting my favs in awful situations. but as is it just grosses me out. get him outta there!! 

tldr: i don’t interact w the john hart side of the fandom, and if a fic is tagged 'jack/ianto tosh/owen gwen/rhys' i probably won’t read it 😷

[trickstarbrave]

20 Questions for Writers

i got tagged by @throughtrialbyfire !!! idk who wants to be tagged though so if you see it. you can do it too :]

ill also answer under a read more

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

24!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

572,669. i have a disease that makes me incapable of shutting up

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i write for TES right now tbh but i've also written for yugioh and fire emblem three houses

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Consequences (fe3h) 1,483 Our Den (fe3h) 1,244 The Secrets We Share to Those We Love (MHA) 946 The World Eater's Eyrie (skyrim) 666 (LMAOOOOO nice) Alduin's Bane (skyrim) 569 (also nice)

5. Do you respond to comments?

god i try to. i love getting comments i just sometimes dont know what to say. i try to stay on top of reading them and responding if i can. if i havent replied to ur comment. i am stupid.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

most of my fics dont have endings tbh. i have either never finished them or they are just nice little one shots. however Siblings (fe3h) with twin byleths where one kills the other was pretty angsty ngl

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhh this is a problem yet again where most of mine are just happy little one shots or are unfinished. but i think To Walk the World with You Again (morrowind) is very happy. it hurts a lot in the beginning but ends with a happy loving reunion :>

8. Do you get hate on fics?

the closest i got was someone saying on Consequences (fe3h) that it shouldnt be tagged as M/M and instead M/F bc byleth was trans but other ppl ripped into them. i havent gotten rly terrible hate since fanfiction.net

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

all the time. i think i am primarily a smut author if im being honest. i just wanna watch my blorbos bone. as for what kind uhhhhh theres multiple kinds????

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i dont think i have. i am just boring tbh

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

again not that i know of but if anyone wants to i wouldnt be against it

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

YES the cannibal au for 5ds with my lil bro. i still think abt that au all the time tbh. it was angsty. it was dramatic. it was complicated. it was filled with hard moral dilemmas and gods with non-human morality and a lot of mythology shit. sad we never finished it tbh but life was getting hectic.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

i dont know. rn i think its nerevoryn but trickstarshipping (where i got my url namesake from) still holds a special place in my heart <3)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ghosts of the Past (svsss). i really do like the story and had a bunch of it planned out mentally. qinghua's father was going to disown him when qinghua was going to tell him he was dating mobei and refused to hear qinghua out, there was gonna be drama with qinghua's family too where his dad says he firmly believes qinghua is actually the son of his identical twin brother who had an affair with qinghua's mother (his father was already cheating on his mom and she was wrong to do that, but no he is in fact the child of his bio-dad even being disowned). they then spend a summer vacation living together getting an apartment, go visit his uncle, and qinghua learns to enjoy his creative passions while finishing his degree with mobei and shen yuan's help, etc etc

the ending was going to be at a christmas party where qinghua's father catches a glimpse of qinghua at a company party. his wife (qinghua's former step-mother and the revealed mother of qinghua's half siblings rather than step siblings like qinghua grew up believing) thinks hes here to crash the party only for them to see he's there as mobei's boyfriend. his dad then tries to get in good with mobei who just brushes him off with "ah right, i know you. you're qinghua's uncle (since he refused to believe he is actually qinghua's father and it must be his twin brother he resented for being artistic and sensitive). i didnt think you were that close, why are you bothering me?"

qinghua goes on to be an accountant at the company, pretty high up too, and his father ends up quitting out of embarrassment and mobei being especially hard on him once he takes over for the company. he also continues to write his trashy novel while he and mobei plan to get married.

but tbh. i have morrowind brainworms. idk if i will ever finish it. sucks that one of the few stories i had all planned out with cdrama levels of bullshit i was really looking forward to going ham on i lost my motivation for when my hyperfixation changed.

i also wanna finish alduin's bane. i have a lot planned for that i could also spend an insane amount of time explaining. im hoping that the motivation for that one comes back though rather than me simply saying i probably wont finish it

16. What are your writing strengths?

i dont know 🧍‍♂️ if anyone wants to tell me i would appreciate it. i think it is like. i am primarily a romance author so i like working on dialogue, character interaction, stuff like that. ive also gotten compliments on my world building but idk if thats just my ideas or how i write them into the world.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i feel like i struggle with pacing and motivation. as well as stuff like war tactics and full on battles. again i write mostly romance i dont know why i torture myself with stories about war

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

its very hard. ive seen ppl do it well but i find it difficult to read bc i am stupid. even with notes and flicking back and forth i feel like its a struggle to understand even if the goal was to obfuscate the meaning from the audience as well. usually i just do another language in bold font and make it clear the characters are speaking another language. but honestly do whatever you want forever

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i think it was in fact yugioh. i had ocs and daydreamed up storylines but i dont think i really sat down to write a fic until i was 12-13 and was writing a tendershipping fic in one of my notebooks at school lol

20. Favorite fic you've written?

tie between Alduin's Bane and Moon and Star. i love my long ass TES fics where i just go ham and play around with the world building and mythology. its a lot of fun and i feel like ive gotten to be very creative in the setting and make something unique and fun with the storylines given in both skyrim and morrowind

thanks for the tag <3 this was a lot of fun and thank u for reading if you did

[areweevercameraready]

a little snippet...

A/N: so....i actually have...... maybe 100,000k words unpublished with the boys in human au.,.... and since the human au infodump, i've been wondering if i should post things from the spinoff au. i asked a friend and she suggested i post at least a bit since there Were Folks who enjoyed these characters. im hugging everyone who has been keeping up :') thank you and i love you and you don't know how much this means to me, that people like my work.

i do plan on updating more than beliefs, though as you can probably tell, updates are pretty slow. i've had big weird life changes over the past three or so years, which is kinda sad, since i used to be able to update chivalry literally once a week :'D but thank you all for sticking with me through it!! i'm hoping, once i'm done writing my thesis, i can get back to updating MTB more often. i've had the whole thing plotted in my head for a while and you all deserve to see more of macbeth, along with where he was during like. all of chivalry.

heads up that this is NOT going on AO3 — it's a bit far from the actual fandom space so I'm really hesitant to put it up there. it'll only be here! somewhat related, but i might spruce up this blog layout. the banner image is kind of old/i don't like the anatomy, and same with the icon. and i just took a look at the blog and went "wow the text is smaller than i remember it being..." so that's a sign that it's Too Small! time for a change probably.

Words: 7,615

WARNINGS: descriptions of anxiety disorder, descriptions of past child abuse, suicidal/depressive thoughts, someone's ankle breaks (don't run in heels, kids!), alcohol and drunkenness

if i forgot anything, please let me know! this is only one chapter of a longer thing (i'm still on the fence about posting all of it but frankly, if i do revamp this blog, i straight fuckin might. i don't plan on publishing these novels for market consumption, but i would be happy to know if folks out there enjoyed them :') )

enjoy the snippet! <3

Eric Yuan hadn't considered himself lovable in a long, long time.

The anxiety disorder was just scraping the surface. There was the legal battle he'd gone into against his parents for custody over Gavin. He was so responsible it was irresponsible, sleeping odd hours, sometimes none at all, and living off of the cheapest coffee he could find to keep himself awake. There was the lack of time, the long hours of work to pay for the apartment and his and Gavin's lives, between working at the bar and at the restaurant, trying to pull together something to keep them afloat. He survived off of lunch and, when tips were good, the occasional dinner. 

Gavin had noticed, of course, but he was nice enough to not say anything. Eric tried to be as honest as he could about how sometimes they couldn't get new games or new things, how he would have to stay late at night at work. If Eric was thankful for anything, it was how understanding Gavin was. That kid rolled with as many punches as were thrown and while Eric knew he shouldn't have to, knew that his brother deserved a better upbringing than the shit that their parents and now the world were putting them through, he also recognized that this was the best he could do. 

He tried to hide himself in work, two jobs that provided enough money to keep them going. Honestly, if he’d talked with his managers and budgeted hours differently, he could get by with just the bartending job. But the days without work were spent taking Gavin to school, watching Gavin at home, laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling. He had to have something to bury himself in so he wouldn’t be stuck with his thoughts, the ones that promised danger, contempt, building paranoia and anxiety until he choked on his own breath. Thoughts that promised a kinder world. On the other side.

If he killed himself, Gavin would go right back to their parents, and Eric had to stay alive if only to prevent that. That was….that was the only reason. 

Sometimes, he wondered if Gavin knew, because on nights like that the kid always managed to find his way into Eric's bed. He'd crawl in and snuggle between Eric's arms and tell him he had a nightmare. Eric never knew how honest he was being, but he never turned the offer down.

He had to keep alive. So he did. 

And like, man worked a lot. Often, too much. How the fuck was he supposed to keep up with the world around him if he barely used his social media, didn't watch any of the new content put out in recent years, didn't engage with new platforms. Well, he had a Twitter, but that was just to look at funny memes. Those were his favorite development in recent years. Twitter also helped keep up with the news somewhat, but he didn’t exactly pay attention to that. Also, cat videos, those were important to him. 

Yeah, he was fairly disconnected, but what else was new and what could you do.

Eric Yuan's life flipped when he was opening the bar at 4 p.m. on a Wednesday. He wasn't an owner or manager, but he was a shift lead. The most dependable shift lead, if you asked his manager, and while he often told Eric that he was pretty reliable, it wasn’t as though Eric processed that kind of praise. He did know that he got the most done, and was the most efficient, because he could take that kind of metric comparison. But, like. Most reliable? He didn’t know how true that was. Eric liked to take the opening shifts, helped get home at a reasonable enough hour to see Gavin to sleep and for him to sleep enough to take the lunch shifts at his other job. 

The opening shift consisted of a few things. Making sure dishes were racked for the night, that the trash was all arranged and the bins were out in the alley, that bottles that looked like they were going to go empty had restocks close by. It was slow and quiet, for shift leads, but it was perfect for Eric. He liked to turn on some music and walk around, working efficient and quick enough usually to have a few minutes of quiet before the bartenders started showing up. 

The alley behind his bar was more like a driveway than anything, wide enough just for one car. Most of the time, the neighboring businesses would just put their bins back here during work hours. 

While opening on this day, though, Eric noticed a man running. He'd turned the sharp corner near the bar and hurried partway down the block, panting as if he'd been running a while. Eric actually pulled his own bins back as the man passed him. Then promptly tripped. What idiot runs in heels, anyway?

The man tried to get back up, but a few steps proved his ankle injured enough for him to collapse again. And that's when he looked up, frantically looking around for help, and his eyes locked with Eric's. 

Eric waved, ever so slightly. And, well. He's always been the type to help someone who needed it. He didn't know what the man was running from, but it seemed that time was of the essence. He jogged over and picked the man up easily, making sure he didn't grab the man's dreadlocks accidentally beneath his arm, and hurried him into the bar. At least the dude was pretty light, and he let Eric pick him up, wrapping his arms around Eric’s shoulders. 

The first and only real thing Eric noticed was that he smelt a little floral. Must have been perfume or something. The man wasn’t wearing clothes that Eric would have called casual, especially with the heels. A fall like that must have hurt his ankle.

"Thank you," the man whispered, and Eric noticed how gentle his voice was, how lofty and warm. "Close the door, please, they can't see me."

Eric didn't know who the fuck "They" was, but Eric kicked the door closed on his way in. Just as he did, too, he heard the sound of footsteps at the end of the alley. Eric helped the man hide behind the bar, out of view of the door, and shushed him quietly as a knock sounded on the door. 

He wiped his hands on his apron, stepping back towards the door. He paused before opening it only to prepare his face, so he could open it with the deadliest glare. And there were. People. There. Were many people. Many with cameras. All looking fairly out of breath. 

How did that guy outrun a whole ass crowd? 

The man who had knocked was haggard, taller than Eric but with an obviously lankier build, wheezing as he asked, “Have you seen anyone come up this road?”

He sounded kinda desperate. Eric shook his head slowly, cogs working in his head as he put together a cover story. “No, I’ve just been trying to open up shop. I took the bins out,” he gestured to the trash bins, set alongside the wall. “But I didn’t see anyone then. If someone was out there, they could have run past while I was stocking.”

The man nodded, either willing to accept that lie or too frantic to look too deep into it. Eric watched with sharp eyes as he and the group looked up and down the street. He didn’t think this concerned him, though, and he wanted to check back in on the absolute rando’ he’d just let into the bar. So he nudged the guy’s hand. 

“I think the candy shop over there’s open, around that corner.” Eric pointed to the end of the alley. “If someone ran past, they could have seen them. Other than that though, I don’t have anything, and I’ve gotta get back to opening.”

Just a few well-placed white lies. The man at the door nodded and motioned the group to leave without another word. Eric let the door slam behind them. 

Well. Then. He exhaled slow, a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, then turned to the bar counter. 

The way the bar was arranged was such that there was a peninsula counter, sticking out of the wall with seats arranged on all sides. On one side, too, was a small stage. Often, they would just play music. Sometimes they had performers, live musicians, and every Thursday was comedy night for local comedians. In June, they have a small drag show every Friday, and in December, they have a run of charity shows. There are still fliers and decorations up from the last one; Eric should take them down while he’s opening. 

The man who he’d snuck in slowly peeks his head around the counter. There was something awfully familiar about him, like Eric had definitely seen this dude before, but he isn’t attuned to the daily gossip. Maybe it was just because the man was pretty as could be, eyes a warm brown that lingered around Eric before darting back at the door. His brows were perfectly shaped. Eric could see a little heart on his cheek, too, and silver decorations in his dreadlocks. Very, very pretty.

The man scan the area, see Eric going around to take the chairs out from where they’ve been stacked in the corner. And he asks, in a voice almost more delicate than Eric could have imagined, “Are they gone?”

“Yeah,” Eric said, setting down the barstools as he went around the bar’s lounge area. “They stalkers or something?”

As soon as Eric said the people chasing him were gone, the man sighed, standing up all the way and cracking his neck. He scooted to the sink behind the counter to wash his hands, which was fair. It wasn’t like the bar ground was the cleanest, even just before opening. 

Someone like this dude, this put together and manicured and astoundingly beautiful, shouldn’t have had to put his hands on the bar’s fuckin’ ground.

“Basically stalkers. Paparazzi,” the man sighed. 

“Paparazzi?” Eric asked, looking back at the man.

Was this dude fucking famous? Eric couldn’t recognize him. Damn, he was that far removed from things, that he couldn’t recognize an entire celebrity.

The man must have realized now that Eric hadn’t known who he was, because his grin turned sheepish as he wiped his hands on a towel. “Yep! I’m, uh. Songbird? That’s my stage name. And my YouTube channel.” 

That name rang, like, literally no bells in Eric’s head. Figures, though. He rarely watched Youtube. 

They stood in relative silence for a few beats before the man tried again. “Cadence? Cadence Beaulieu?” 

“Oh,” Eric said, and it must have been obvious how he didn’t know who the fuck this Cadence dude was, because Cadence laughed a little in his face. 

“You’re cute,” Cadence said, limping out around the bar, holding onto the bar’s side. “I don’t get that much anymore.” 

“Cool.” Eric instinctually hurried over, holding Cadence’s arm and waist as he helped him onto one of the bar’s seats, but his head was reeling from the idea of a famous celebrity calling him cute. Like? That didn’t just happen. Did it? This guy was fucking famous? 

What the fuck was he supposed to say? How do you talk to famous people? Eric helped him settle into the seat before asking, “Do you want water or something?”

“No, I’m good,” Cadence smiled at him.

Eric was going to loose his mind, he got called cute by a famous dude and now he’s looking at the famous dude and realizing how cute the famous guy was. He hadn’t paid attention to that earlier, too preoccupied with getting the guys at the door to leave, but now that he was actually looking at this guy—his anxiety was about to start kicking in, hard, he could tell. What if he made an ass of himself in front of the famous dude? The incredibly pretty famous dude. 

“Cool,” Eric looked down, at the bar, and whistled a little. “If you want, you can, uh, stay here for a bit, until your car comes?”

He figured the famous dude isn’t driving around himself. 

Cadence nodded. “If that’s okay,” he murmured, taking out his phone. “I can stay outta your way, then.”

Slowly, Eric nodded, too. He had to get the extra drinks ready. Finish opening up. And. He couldn’t really. Process? What was happening. He just thought he was helping someone up off the street, having tripped, and….Wait.

“Wait, how’s your ankle?” he tried to swallow his anxiety, looking back at Cadence, who seemed to be idling on his phone. 

Cadence looked back up at him, then at his ankle. He was wearing strappy heels, flowy pants, a tight shirt, and an old oversized jacket, and none of these looked like clothes that were good to be running around in. Especially those heels. Eric didn’t know much about heels but he figured they might be an inch? And that was probably enough to fucking break a leg. Rude to stare, though. So he just. Averted his eyes back to the glasses he was stacking for later.

This guy was so fucking pretty. Eric was holding him earlier. He’d carried him—Eric had deadlift carried a whole ass celebrity. 

“Probably sprained,” Cadence said with a sigh. “When I get home, I can ice it. I don’t think it’s fully broken, though, I could put a little weight on it.”

Now, they had ice in the box. Eric grabbed one of the spare bags for their limes and filled one with ice, part of their protocol for when drunkards would hurt themselves. He wrapped it in one of the clean towels and, once the Grey Goose was restocked, brought it over to Cadence. Who took it. Gratefully. It seemed. 

“Thanks,” Cadence gave him a smile, which like. Eric still didn’t really know how to feel about this. 

“No problem,” he said. “Sorry, uh. For, uh, being quiet. And not knowing who you were.”

Because like, that felt like something he should apologize for, you know? If Cadence is used to people recognizing him on the streets and some level of respect because of it, then maybe Eric treating him like a regular person (maybe even ignoring him, since he’s just sitting in the corner) might be rude? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know the fucking etiquette for talking to famous people, this isn’t a problem he’s ever had!

“It’s okay, no, don’t even worry,” Cadence giggled—that sound, that fucking sound was so soft, what the hell?—and waved his hand dismissively. 

“Okay,” Eric nodded. And he didn’t have much to. Like. Add? 

So he turned around and went back to restocking the bar. And he didn’t say anything about how he could feel Cadence watching him. He didn’t say anything, but he could feel Cadence’s eyes on his back every so often, when he’d look up from his phone. 

Maybe he was tweeting something about him. Eric didn’t know much about social media so if he did get tweeted about, he definitely wasn’t going to be able to find it. Or maybe he was texting his famous friends about the weirdo bartender who’s just ignoring him as he lifts the crates out of the storage room and cracks them open. 

There’s no way this dude would be bullying him over shit like this for no reason, right? 

Regardless, Eric wasn’t about to start a conversation and ask. He just knew that the guy was staring at him. For what felt like an hour. Realistically, only like, half an hour. But for fucking forever, man.

At some point, though, it had to end. After about twenty minutes, Cadence stood up, wobbling a little on his hurt ankle. Eric, who’d been restocking the limes, looked up, then stood up. 

“Your car here?” he asked. 

“Yep,” Cadence smiled a little at him. “When does this place open, anyway?”

“Uh,” Eric frowned, checking the clock on the wall. “In ten.”

Where the fuck are his bartenders, anyway? They’re supposed to get here at around now. Fuckers. 

Cadence nodded, though, noting the time. “Glad this all happened before hours, then. Wouldn’t want it to get too crazy in here for you,” he looked at the clock on the wall, then back at Eric, with a small smile that made Eric’s already quick-beating heart skip a beat thinking of how his eyes creased with gentle happiness. 

“Uh. Yeah,” Eric tried to smile, too, but something told him it looked a little more like a grimace. 

Cadence waved, Eric waved. Then Cadence left. And the door closed behind him.

And that was the that. On that. 

Eric was fairly zoned out for the whole shift. He was mixing drinks on autopilot, not so much as handling customers. Some drunkard got rowdy, Eric wasted no time to tell them to fuck off. His patience was zilch. 

He got home and Gavin’s already put himself to bed, tucked in and in his PJ’s, though Eric heard him get up when he closed the front door. Eric picked him up, tucked him back in again, and kissed him on the head. Poor kid hated being alone late at night, especially when he had to put himself to bed. Eric laid on the bed with him, one foot off to hold himself steady, and made sure Gavin was all the way asleep before he stood up to change his own clothes. 

Only once he was sure Gavin’s not getting out of bed again does he check his phone, too. 

“Cadence Beaulieu” had over four million followers on Twitter, over fifteen million subscribers on Youtube, and an Instagram account that makes Eric blush almost inappropriately. And this is the guy who was. In his bar. Talking to him. Eric picked this man up earlier and didn’t even notice that the heart on his face was made up of three moles. It looked like a tattoo almost, but no, apparently. 

He spent almost too much time binging Cadence’s content before he managed to pass out to the sound of one of his beauty tutorials. Interesting, that this is the guy he met. This is the guy who he picked up, carried into his bar, hid in the corner.

Interesting. 

But not every day is so interesting. So Eric goes back to work and expects nothing to change. He tries to put this rare celebrity encounter behind him. Tries not to think of how much of an idiot he must have been, seeming to just fade into the background and ignore what could have been a real moment had he asked more questions, became something more memorable perhaps. He could have asked Cadence how he was doing, at least. How his day had been. Anything, really. 

Instead, Eric just has the memory of the prettiest man on the planet sitting in the corner of the bar, of his bar. Alone together. A stranger, sure, and maybe Eric understood somewhere that that was part of why the anxiety was so strong? But c’mon. Man was pretty. Nice, too. 

Damn. This is why he’s single, he joked bitterly to himself. Lonely, the joke in his head twisted. He didn’t have the gall to actually talk to anyone, what was he supposed to do.

He had been cleaning out glasses at the bar, late one night. He’d picked up a later shift, after Gavin had already gone to sleep. Usually, Eric liked to be home while the kid slept, but sometimes the scheduling didn’t work out like that and he’d need to pick up extra hours for other bartenders who had to tap out. He was a very strong cover, apparently. And on the spectrum of “thank god that lucky ass thing happened,” this was right below Cadence’s accident. 

About two weeks after Eric meets a whole ass celebrity, two men sit down at the bar during one of the live musical performances. It was Eric’s time working behind the bar, and he saw the one with the eyepatch wave him over. Which, like. Okay, sure, he was getting there. But customer service and you never know how many drinks they’ve had before they walk in at one in the morning and you definitely don’t want to get mad at the dude giving you the tip and maybe this dude’s never been to a bar, who the fuck wears soft cashmere at a bar, and his buddy there was in a bowtie and suspenders like this was some kind of book club and not remarkably past midnight on a Thursday. 

Like, okay, nerds, maybe they’ve just never been to this kinda bar. Sure. Fine.

“What can I get started for you boys,” Eric said, slinging his washcloth over his shoulder on his approach. 

“Two cosmopolitans, please,” the one with the eyepatch said, giving Eric a smile that read polite. 

Eric looked at the one with curly hair and glasses, who nodded in confirmation. “One shot in both? You got any vodka preferences?” he asked, taking out the house vodka and two tumblers. 

Before the eyepatch’ed one could reply, the one with glasses butted in, saying, “One with one shot, a double in the other, please. And if you have Ketel One, that would be grand.”

“A double shot? Marlowe!”

“What, it’s been a good day! I think I deserve a double shot. And you know two shots isn’t enough to do much.” This Marlowe guy sounded pretty cocky, if you were to ask Eric, but no one ever asks the bartender. So he didn’t say anything about it. 

He tuned out of the argument there, as soft as it turned. Much less of an argument, more aggressive flirting, and that was something that was easy for him to zone out of until he set the two cocktails down. “Double shot,” he said, setting the double in front of Marlowe. “And a single. If you boys need anything else, my name’s Eric and I’ll be at the bar all night.” 

“Eric,” the one with the eyepatch smiled, and it was kind of pretty in that controlled, poised way that some models do. “Thank you. If we need anything, I’ll-I’ll call.”

“Thank you, Eric,” Marlowe said, raising his glass and taking a long sip. 

Eric just nodded and went around, checking on others. Earlier, he’d seen some dude try to roofie a girl, and had taken the drink back. She had left with a friend she trusted, and he’d kicked the guy out pretty forcefully, but the moment still left quite the imprint. He was always on edge whenever that happened, hoping to prevent it from happening again. 

He did a few rounds before he ended up in front of Marlowe and his friend again, maybe half an hour later. This friend was on his phone, typing something out, while Marlowe flagged Eric down, with an empty glass before him. 

“Hello, Eric,” Marlowe raised the glass. “Would you be a dime and make me a Long Island Iced Tea?” 

Okay. This dude had to be a heavier drinker, if he was going to be calling out drinks by name. And it wasn’t necessarily Eric’s job to know how much someone could drink, especially strangers. The guy didn’t, like….he didn’t look drunk just yet. You know? So Eric nodded. 

“Sure thing. You got any preferences?” he asked, taking the cup back and pulling out a tall glass. 

Now that seemed to be the right question, or at least one the man hadn’t thought of. Marlowe reached up, cupping his chin in thought, and spared a few glances at his friend still typing. Hopefully this wasn’t, like, for the friend. Eric would have to watch for that. But after a bit of time, Marlowe nods. “Yes. Ketel One again for the vodka.” 

“Sure.” They had Ketel One under the vodka cabinet, but people rarely ordered it. It was one of their premium vodka’s and house vodka was Smirnoff. 

“Do you have Patrón for tequila?” 

“Yeah, I’m….pretty sure,” Eric, before he could be made to swallow his words, took a stride to the tequila cabinet and checked. “Yep, I’ve got Patrón for you.” 

“Excellent. I don’t know enough about the other three alcohols to have preferences, but if you could tell me what you put in, I’d love to start learning.”

An….interesting request. But Eric knew the house drinks like the back of his hand (and he might not be able to hold his liquor like the best of them, but he’d still tried all of the standard drinks. For posterity.) so he pulled out the Bacardi first. “This’ the rum. In house, we use Bacardi. Pretty light for a rum, but it does have a better taste than Captain Morgan. A lot better to mix with,” he explained. 

Marlowe had turned himself toward the counter, watching Eric pour in the Bacardi first, then the Ketel One, then the Patrón. Then, he put those three down. The triple sec was all out on the shelf, since they were common enough and the bar stocked a small enough range to have the whole selection out for viewing. Eric pulled down a bottle of Bols to add, then Henrick’s gin from the shelf below. They were running out behind the bar anyways. “Bols is the triple sec,” Eric said as he poured. “It’s really good for mixing with multiple alcohols. Sometimes a drink’ll play nice with other alcohols and sometimes it’ll only play nice with, like. Coke.”

“That makes sense. The consistencies are very different,” Marlowe hummed. 

Sounded like this dude was the analytical type. Which might explain why he had some of his preferences on hand. If you don’t go to bars often, you’re going to be scared of the unknown. Eric was almost proud of the guy for that, if this was him trying new things. 

He just hoped Marlowe wouldn’t throw up in the bathroom or something. That would fuckin’ suck. Always a situation when the patrons didn’t know their own limits.

“Henrick’s is the gin, and it’s just a easy gin to use,” he said with a shrug. “And then we just….”

He pulled out the cola spritzer, topped the glass off with cola, and put the slice of lemon in. And then he slid it over to Marlowe, who took the drink in one hand with a fascinated look. Dude even pushed his glasses up. 

“Interesting. I’m excited to try it,” Marlowe said, glancing back up to Eric with a smile. 

And before Eric could even warn him about how strong of a gut punch it was about to be, Marlowe picked up the glass and took a swig about a third of the cup. “Woah, buddy,” Eric couldn’t stop himself from jumping at that. “You alright?”

“Marlowe, what the fuck are you doing?” dude’s friend finally looked up from his phone to see Marlowe slam the glass down and cough into his arm. 

“Holy shit,” Marlowe said, fixing his glasses with a smile that seemed a little too wide to be sober. “That’s quite strong, but very, very good. Thank you, Eric!” 

His glasses were still crooked. Eric almost leaned forward to fix them, before the guy’s friend got to it first, and that was all for the better. It’s not like Eric knew these people, after all. 

Marlowe took out his phone and Eric took the chance to lean towards his companion. “He asked for a pretty strong drink,” Eric warned. “If you need a hand taking care of him, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve held a dude’s hair back in the bathroom.”

His friend must have been surprised at the suggestion, but it can’t have been an uncommon thing considering how quickly he got over the possibility. “Thank you, that’s very k-very kind. He’s not usually one to drink a lot,” the friend sighed, then nodded to Eric. “Thank you for your service tonight, Eric. My name is Phillip.”

Phillip, alright. “Good to meet you, Phillip,” Eric said, and he went back around the bar to do rounds.

It was another hour and half before the bar closed, though. Eric wasn’t technically the shift lead for closing, but he was on the shift. When it got close enough to three, he turned on Semisonic’s song “Closing Time.” Most of the people had left by then, quick to leave on their rides or to new bars. 

But still sitting at the bar were the two people Eric had pegged as nerds earlier, Marlowe and Phillip. After Marlowe finished the Long Island Iced Tea, Eric had poured a water, but the man still ordered a margarita on top of it. And now it looked like he was paying for it, given how he was literally leaning on Phillip’s shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist. Phillip didn’t look all too pleased, however. 

“David is going to be worried si-worried si-sick when we get home.” Eric could hear Phillip chide Marlowe as he got close.

“It’s-It’s all dandy. I love David,” Marlowe hiccupped into Phillip’s shoulder, then leaned around and pressed his face into the base of his neck. “I love YOU, Prince.”

Phillip tutted, reaching back to run his hand through Marlowe’s curled hair. “I love you-love you too, you idiot.”

Cute. Really gay, and cute. Eric put away the cups he’d just washed and approached the pair, noting how they’d slowly but surely become the last people at the bar. 

“Hey,” he said, waving slightly. “Phillip, right?”

“Mhm. Eric,” Phillip greeted. “Sorry to still be here. I can see you’re closing up.”

“Eh. Marlowe’s falling asleep on you, I get it. Do you two have a ride home?” 

At that, Phillip winced. And Eric could have guessed the follow up, honestly. “Actually, Marlowe was supposed to be the driver,” Phillip confessed, patting Marlowe’s hand. “I think he overshot how much he could drink, though. As per usual.”

“I only had three drinks!” Marlowe interrupted, all too proud of himself for having three drinks that had the alcoholic consistency of a freight train. 

Phillip and Eric both seemed to be on the same page, though, because neither acknowledged him. Save for a few gentle pats from Phillip as Marlowe buried himself more in Phillip’s back. 

“Okay. Do you need to call someone?” Eric asked. 

Phillip rubbed the back of his neck, thinking for a moment before nodding. “Yes. I know someone who’ll be awake who can come help, but….well. Marlowe’s car is still in the parking lot. It has a parking limit in the morning, which will quickly become an issue.”

Fuckin’ city parking. Eric had definitely gotten a ticket or two before, parking his motorcycle in the wrong place. He usually just walked to work, though, since he was two blocks away. So he didn’t have a vehicle to worry about….

A drunk man and a man with a cane could get picked up real easy this late at night by some unfavorable people. Maybe that worry was what made Eric offer. Maybe it was because Phillip and Marlowe had been fairly kind to him throughout the night. It could also have had something to do with how nice Phillip seemed to be taking it now, how calm he was handling the situation. And maybe, too, how Phillip himself didn’t ask. 

There was something nice about being able to offer help, rather than having it asked of him always. 

“If you want, I can drive you home,” Eric suggested. “I’ll catch an Uber back to my house from yours.”

Phillip blinked, and Marlowe giggled. Eric didn’t know what was so funny. He thought it was probably pretty shady to offer. He knew he wouldn’t let just any stranger drive his bike, after all. But he’d gotten to the point where he could do a solid vibe check just by looking and interacting with someone, and these two seemed nice. He could see himself accepting this kind offer, under similar circumstances, from either of them. 

Still, kinda scary to think he’d be driving someone else’s car to their own house. He wouldn’t know where it was, Phillip would have to direct him. But Phillip legally couldn’t drive, not with the one eye gone, and Marlowe definitely couldn’t drive if he tried. Which he shouldn’t. 

“That would be so-so lovely, thank you,” Phillip said. 

Getting clearance to drive some drunk patrons home was a breeze, knowing it was Eric “workaholic glad you’re getting out early” Yuan. Soon enough, he had his arm looped around Marlowe’s waist, helping him up as Phillip led them to the car, which was parked about half a block away. Phillip also used a cane, which would have been a pretty difficult thing to work around if he needed to carry Marlowe himself. All the more reason Eric was glad to help them home. 

They walked up to a nice sedan, likely a newer model judging by the built in navigation. Phillip helped Eric lay Marlowe in the back seat as he mumbled something about a pony, and Phillip himself climbed into the shotgun. The car wasn’t that hard to drive, now that Eric looked around at the controls. Same as any. The break was a little more tense than he was used to, but once he got it onto the road, he could manage. 

Phillip, in shotgun, turned on a jazzy, late night radio station. And directed Eric gently towards their home, probably. Neither of them made conversation much but, to some extent, it didn’t seem like it was necessary. And that was kind of nice, to Eric. He didn’t always like conversing, especially with patrons and folks who didn’t know him. Which accounted for most people. But Phillip’s presence was nice, calming almost, which was rich for a guy who Eric had just met. He was tense, like he usually was, but for a stranger? In this kind of precarious circumstance?

It’s when the drive took them onto a small, two-lane road at the edges of the city and beginnings of the forest that Eric starts to worry. Was Marlowe actually a heavy-weight? Maybe he was pretending to be drunk back there so they could mug him? Take his kindness for granted and leave him in a ditch? He didn’t think he looked like he was worth mugging, but like….maybe. Was that a necessary cane or was it a weapon?

“It’s this-this house here,” Phillip said, pointing to a gravel driveway, and Eric swallowed despite the dryness of his mouth. 

“Sure,” he murmured, pulling onto the gravel. 

As he did, the house’s porch light turned on, front door thrown open as someone else jogged out. Eric stopped, threw the car into park immediately, but Phillip didn’t seem too phased by the newcomer. Instead, he turned to Eric and held out a one hundred dollar bill. “Thank you so much for all your help this evening,” he said with a smile.

Eric looked at the bill, then up at Phillip. He hadn’t really expected to be tipped for this, in all honesty. But it made sense. You know, if he’s going to drive you home, tip him. He’s done over the top enough. But a hundred fucking dollars? This dude just whipped a hundred dollars out on a tip? How loaded were these gay dudes, and then they didn’t have someone to drive them home?

“That’s a hundred dollars,” he said, unthinking. 

He blushed a little, stuttering on words to add on and say he didn’t mean to sound ungrateful, but Phillip just laughed. His laugh was breezy, like leaves in the wind. “Yes, it’s a hundred dollars. I think it’s-it’s warranted, considering you drove me and my idiot home,” Phillip put the bill on Eric’s lap and undid his seatbelt. “It’s a hundred dollars plus something-something extra.”

Eric looked down at the bill, picked it up, and there was. A whole ass phone number written on the side. With the “Phillip & Marlowe” written on the side. 

Before he can ask what the fuck is happening and if he’s been dreaming this whole time, the backseat door opens. “Davy,” Marlowe’s voice is so slurred it’s almost incomprehensible, but the person who’d come out of the house, this “Davy,” unbuckles Marlowe swiftly. 

“Jesus, Marl’, how much did you drink?” Davy grumbles, pulling Marlowe out by his arms. 

Instead of setting him on the ground, though, Davy just wrapped them around his shoulders and then slowly, steadily, lifted Marlowe into his arms. Marlowe let him, swinging his own legs up to make it easier for Davy to catch them. Once he had some semblance of a grip, Marlowe leaned forward and pressed his face against Davy’s, kissing him rough enough for Phillip to laugh at, Eric to stare confusedly at. 

“He gets like this, when he’s-when he’s drunk,” Phillip leaned over to explain, though it does nothing to clear up Eric’s questions. 

At this point? He’s a lot more willing to walk home. Just get out of the car and walk. 

“Alright, y’ sap,” Davy grumbles, pulling Marlowe off of himself and nestling him into more of a hold. 

Eric was still sitting in the driver seat, just watching through the passenger window as Phillip opens his own door and climbs out. Davy leans his head towards Phillip, who pats his shoulder warmly and looks down at Eric. 

All three of them are looking at him now. 

The odd one out. 

And, like, fair. He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing here, either. 

“Uh,” he said. “I can just, uh. I can call myself an Uber now.”

“Who the fuck’re you?” Davy asked, almost at exactly the same time.

Eric put his hands up and slowly climbed out of the car. This Davy person didn’t really look mad—Phillip leaned over, whispering something to him, and Davy nodded along. And Eric didn’t know what the fuck that was about really, but he didn’t feel in the mood to test anything. Not at three in the morning, in someone else’s driveway. He had to get back home. 

“I can just….” Eric gestured to the road again, taking a few steps back. 

Davy shook his head. “No fuckin’ way, dude,” he was much more abrasive than the other two, and something in the sturdiness of his tone got Eric to shut up. “I’ll drive you.”

On literally any other day, Eric would probably have started running right then and there. His palms were sweaty still, from gripping the steering wheel tighter than ever and from the mounting panic of driving someone else’s car to a house he didn’t know. In a car with a bunch of strangers. 

But, to be frank, Eric was just starting to believe this wasn’t real. 

He was probably just tired. He didn’t usually work shifts this late, and this was a whirlwind of a night already, and he’d already swallowed whatever panic arose earlier, which usually left him without the energy to worry about semi-tense situations. It was a kinda numb feeling. Besides, what was the worst that could happen? He dies and Gavin goes back with their parents? Bit too late in the night for Eric to care about something as trivial as dying. 

So he nodded slowly to Davy’s suggestion. “That would be nice,” he said. 

Davy grinned. He lifted Marlowe a little and said, “I’ll put this one to bed and come back out, ‘ight?” 

Eric just nodded again, which must have been good enough for Davy, because he just turned around and marched himself back into the house. Phillip stayed outside, though, leaning on his cane with both of his hands. Eric shuffled around the car, now feeling a little more awkward, and Phillip gave him a small shrug as if to say he sympathized.

“I’m sure this is-this is strange,” Phillip added on. 

It sure as fuck was. But Eric was like, almost too out of it to properly acknowledge that. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “This’ gonna be one hell of a dream to wake up from.”

Phillip chuckled at that one, laugh light like air. He leaned over and rested a hand on Eric’s shoulder—Eric flinched, hands reaching up into a defensive stance, and Phillip pulled back quick. 

It was. A little out of his comfort zone. 

Just a little. He didn’t like people touching him, especially people he didn’t know, because for the longest time he’d been used to sudden motions as a threat. And while he used to take it, Eric had long since trained himself to fight over flight. So it did take self-control to not just deck this dude.

He turned back around to Phillip, shoulders hiked enough for his neck to stiffen just a bit, and he tried to lower his own hands. They were shaking, much to his chagrin, so he stuffed them into the pockets of his jeans. 

“Sorry,” he fumbled over his words. “Sorry, I, uh. I’m kinda...it’s late, and I don’t really like, uh. People touching me.”

“No need to apologize, that-that was on me,” Phillip responded. “No need at all. I should-I should have known better, but I’m ti-I guess I’m tired my-myself. I’m very sorry for touching.”

Eric smoothed himself out slowly, as best he could, and Phillip rested himself against the side of the car. He glanced over, watching Phillip as the man looked up at the tree line. In the moonlight, Eric could see him smile, ever so slightly. He looked weirdly regal, with how prim he was, even after being at a dive bar for three hours. His hair was still brushed to the side like it’d been gelled, though Eric had seen him run his hand through it a few times. And although it was dark, he could still make out the freckles that dotted Phillip’s face, like stars in their own right.

He turned away, looking at his feet, and hoped Phillip didn’t feel too badly. It wasn’t his fault Eric was a nervous fuckin’ wreck. But he didn’t say anything. Getting a little too tired to hold proper conversation.

They both look up as the front door opens and closes again, as that Davy guy jogs out. He’d changed out of his clothes into other pajama looking clothes, or maybe he’d just thrown on a jacket. 

“Alright, nerd’s been sung a lullaby and is all tucked into bed.” He clapped his hands, rubbing them together slowly. “You gonna be able to get yourself in bed okay, Princey?”

“Oh, I’ll be okay. Just-Just sad my favorite artist won’t be there to kiss me goodnight,” Phillip said, and Eric did a double take at how flippantly the flirt was doled out.

Wasn’t Phillip dating that Marlowe guy? Eric glanced between Davy and Phillip as Davy scoffed and grabbed Phillip by the shoulder of his sweater, yanking him close and kissing him for a second. Were they like, all dating? Was that what was happening here? 

Eric was more confused than anything else. He knew of polyamory. He’d just never seen it. Then again, he didn’t know about a lot in the queer community. Once, one of the queens who came in for drag night called him “gnc as hell” and he had to get an explanation from one of the girls sitting at the bar. Polyamory, though, was a new kind of fear for him. That was just more people to disappoint. 

He looked back at the car and climbed into the passenger seat while Davy pulled back from Phillip and mussed up his hair. Eric very intentionally ignored eye contact while Davy climbed into the driver’s seat and rolled down Eric’s window, though he did wave at Phillip while Davy pulled away.

“Drive safely, David!” Phillip called out, waving a hand. 

“Be back in a sec, baby!” David must have been his name proper, because he blew Phillip a kiss through the window and then rolled it back up. 

Eric just kept sitting. Quietly. He almost wanted to pull his knees up, but this was someone else’s car and he didn’t really want to put his shoes on the leather seats. He put his hands on his knees, though, and tensed his knuckles a little. 

Whereas the ride to the house was quiet in a calm manner, Eric felt a lot more tense now. He didn’t know this David. And this David dude seemed a lot less poised than Phillip or Marlowe, given how he just turned off the radio and mumbled music lyrics, off-key and without any actual tune. And Eric could recognize that only because, at some point, David was singing some Shinedown song he knew. “State of My Head?” Probably. 

Would David be mad? If this was a polyamory situation, would it be like encroaching on territory to have driven Phillip and Marlowe home? Eric didn’t know. He didn’t want it to seem like that; he just didn’t want them to have to call an Uber and get a ticket. Shit was expensive. 

At the first red light off the one-lane road, David glanced at him, and Eric caught the sight of a birthmark near his neck. It looked faded but it was still a recognizable shade of red. Eric looked away almost immediately, so David wouldn’t notice him staring. He must not have been too successful, though, because David chose that moment to start a conversation.

[neutrallyobsessed]

I challenge you to make a tier list of your opinion on Ace Attorney ships >;)

Challenge accepted motherfucker >;))))

i did like 5 different lists cause not all them where complete enough to my tastes and then i found this MASSIVE tier list (with a lot of crack xdd) so i was able to do it, fortunally the nrmy week gave me some time to work on this and EVEN THEN some kinda obvious ones were missing so i had to edit them in from the other tierlists, plus stuff i made up lol

also, for it not be too long and mark very clearly my Heterosexual Bias, the list was divided in two, so let's start: (spoilers for investigations cause shih-na doest appear as shih-na)

The OTP category is very self-explanitory, so the second place is all other ships that i like and ship too just not as hard since i have OTPs for the characters already~~

Ohters I like and Im listening have varying degrees of crack but im still considering as potential ships to like seriously

the canon ships acting as a neutral divider, they are canon, you can't complain about that (or you can im just a tumblr post you can do what you want forever). if they arent higher is cause they are not as interesting or funny as the above ships, i still love them very much

then theres the absolute crack that i find amusing but couldnt take to ship it seriously and then ships that are either boring: too tame, lack spice, feel like avoiding being problematic was the priority instead of they'd be cute togheter; or ships that feel a bit too cruel for comfort and i percieve as no longer fun, but sad

this tier list didnt have ema/nahyuta but did have poly ships that included the three so there we go, the only het ships i dont like (2)

finally, the only gay ships i consider to be neat, silly funny friends-to-lovers not overly popular, very cool and epic

And now, the interesting one:

Rangu referenced and teased by canon joke ship goes first of course!

for real tho, there's friends to lovers OR rarepairs OR lawyer x assistant ships, being my go-to in het ships they'd rank higher here

Evil People In Love! What else can I say? When 2 people are down bad for each other and down for destroying everyone and everything whether for revenge or the lulz cause they're bad and they're doing it togheter it's just beautiful~!

anything crack or toxic in a funny way goes next

incest as a neutral divider since being gay is super normal thus uninteresting but adding the taboo incest spice that will NEVER be approved by society IRL will make me a bit more interested but like you know- neutrally

any boring crack or toxic in a unfunny way goes next

and finally we reach my real (yet still neutral) beef with the ace attorney shipping fandom, being the popular ships that get talked about ad nauseum and if you wanna talk about any other ship you get ignored at best or harrassed at worst. Overrated could be the perfect way to describe this ships as they're so oftenly rated over other ships when they're SO LAME AND BLAND AND BRING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. i am not criticizing originality, you know im unoriginal as well, but other fandoms have this something called ✨VARIETY✨ that EVEN IF the boring bland m/m ship still is number one ship of everyone and their grandmas, it'll still be in a relative equal number of fans and content (or directly opposite where Super Popular Ship has like 100 fans producing stuff and literally anything else has like <5, so you only have to block 1 or maybe 2 Super Popular Ships and then is smooth sailing full of variety~)

tl;dr they're annOyedTPs actually they're not bad, they are meh plus the over exposure can really grind someone's gears, second place being not AS popular thus annoying but still pretty much talked about and liked by many people as they are second places to ships in the normie zone

and finally finally what i actually dislike, shipping canonically het married characters with same-sex characters (and not in the funny way)(specially the gay best friend in love with their straight friend, my absolute belothed) or any flavor of enemies-to-lovers, whether it's a tame rivals-to-lovers or a legit hero x villian (stockholm syndrome can be fine but it depends on how its presented....or if it's... y'know funny) or same-age shipping where the characters maturity levels are SO DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT idk it feels kinda icky :////

In any case, i'm still answering asks for particular ships if y'all want a more in depth opinion ^w^

[daisymondays]

I hope this isn't an annoying question but I really wanted to ask if "All missing things" will be continued. I dont want this to sound like a "whens an update?" because im not trying to ask that, but if its discontinued or not.

Your writing is just an inspiration and amazing. I couldn't stop reading.

Again I hope im not bothering or anything <3

This isn't an annoying question, and the fact i have more than I can count others in my inbox has been bothering me for a while -- only on a guilt front because I haven't known how to respond and i don't want people to think they're being annoying by asking

I wrote All Missing Things at the tail end of 2017 and it took me 4 months to write. The fact that I wrote 100,000 words and thought that 4 months is a long time to do that in is absolutely wild to me... like what a time!!!!

The reason I've never wanted to answer the question of is there is a sequel is because for the last few years, the answer has felt very clearly to me as a no. I burnt myself out of the Harry Potter fandom with a hyper fixation that my life near enough depended on at the time, but now I don't need. I don't live to write anymore, and while that is possibly the best thing to ever happen to me... It still makes me sad? And it's weird to miss being unhappy because I miss one of the outcomes of being unhappy. Sometimes I really miss the way I used to write. And I say I want to put in a new writing routine, but the truth is I must not that much, or it isn't a priority enough that I sacrifice my job, or cooking or sleep or time with my loved ones for. So occasionally I write or edit, working away on the original fiction story that I've been working on for three years, but it doesn't consume me in the way it used to. I'm not missing enough of myself to let it.

This is all to say, that I don't want to say there's no sequel because I at the time I loved the story I told and I love that people still read it!! People still read things I wrote 6 years ago as a depressed university student and it brings them joy like it did me!! And just thinking about that makes me want to get back into it, to write fanfiction and a sequel to All Missing Things.

Writing fanfiction is so fun for that community, for the encouragement and the comments, and the other people revelling in characters that you love too!! I don't get that editing my own original story by myself. And sometimes the memory of people online liking my writing is what keeps me going with a story that I don't know if anyone will ever read.

I don't want to say there's no sequel because part of me hopes maybe one day I will want to write it. It'll bring me joy again to write these stories, and they won't take up my whole life but they'll be another part of it.

This is a very long answer that you may never read as I can't remember how long ago I received this exact ask. But I was thinking all these things, and I checked my AO3 inbox for the first time in a while and saw a wave of fresh comments and new readers on all of my HP stories, and it made me want to say something even if this answer is more of a non answer.

TLDR: I don't know if I'll ever write a sequel to All Missing Things and I am sorry about that. I miss the girl I was when I wrote that story, but not enough to ever become her again

[foxcort]

thank you so much for tagging me @highlordofkrypton 💚🤗

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 10, although one of them is a drabble collection of 5 drabbles

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 15,991 (i write very very slowly ;-;)

3. What fandoms do you write for? for now just ACOTAR, although eventually i do want to write for dragon age, bg3 and ATLA (azulaang my love <33)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

comforter (feylin, feyssian, neslin, nezriel, rhysta)

wildfire (eris-centric)

a bond of thorns (feylin)

spring memories (feylin)

shapeshifter (neslin)

5. Do you respond to comments? yes! if i haven’t recently its because i haven’t really been on ao3 for a while, but i do take the time to reply to comments and i love doing it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? oh that would be spring memories, which was also the first fic i’d ever written for the fandom.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? happiest imo it would be a prick of the thorn because its canon-divergent acomaf where feyre breaks the bond/bargain with rhysand three months into the timeline which is the happiest thing i can think could happen to her in canon lol.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i do! but its unpublished as of yet because im still sort of practicing. the kind of smut? i tend to go for more flowery, less explicit details but only because im not as well versed. eventually I’ll publish something (i think i have a few half-finished kinktober wips that’ll see the light of day this year)

9. Do you write crossovers? i don’t but i would love to! the closest i got was an ASOIAF au because it was so fun translating the ACOTAR characters and courts into houses and families in ASOIAF. i kinda wish i powered through the ToG series because feyre x dorian and feyre x aedion intrigues me!

10. Have you ever had a fic translated? i haven’t, but i think it would be pretty awesome to have one of my fics translated.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no, but i’ve seen others do it and i think this would be fun!

12. What is your all-time favorite ship? oo a tie between the movie version of howl/sophie (i haven’t read the books yet!) and solas/lavellan (angsty ships are superior idc idc)

13. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? my howl’s moving castle feylin au. the thing is i have everything planned out, even sequels for rhysta and elucien but the task seems so incredibly daunting i haven’t been able to write anything past the first chapter ;-;

14. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue, it comes to me easier and quicker than everything in between and i like to think im better than average at it

plotting/planning, i know where my story wants to go and i know how to fill the path there with interesting and meaningful scenes

15. What are your writing weaknesses?  

actually writing, sometimes i overplan and because i’ve got a bullet point list detailing every scene i’ve exhausted the fic too much to actually write it

characterization, unless i’ve freshly read something (canon) right before writing my fic i struggle with presenting that unique voice for the characters i write, i know canon shouldn’t matter as much as im making it matter, but it still bothers me when a character doesn’t read as close as i can get them to canon

16. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i don’t come across this often so im pretty neutral on it.

17. First fandom you wrote for? pirates of the carribean, it was an oc x norrington fic because i had the biggest crush on him when i was younger

18. Favorite fic you’ve written? im gonna say its a tie between spring memories, because i made myself really sad writing that one and wildfire, because it was one of the first times i tried writing a character centric piece and i loved the way it turned out.

NO PRESSURE TAGS: @bittermuire, @lady-nestas and anyone else who wants to do it! 💚

[frogiverse]

as i have gotten older... now the ripe old age of 24 and 11 years into running this blog (jesus), i have started to feel what i call Real!Nostalgia, a newer, far more bitter version of the general 'aw man i miss the past' emotion I now call Baby!Nostalgia

im rereading homestuck, which is fun and smth i have done at least two other times? maybe three? this is either my 4th or 5th read i forget which. could be 6th for all i know, im a forgetful bitch and i go back to this text a lot.

but damn i really really really miss 2011-2013 homestuck shenanigans. im sure that is drenched in the sticky saccharine coating of being 13 years old and reveling in the agency being a fresh of the presses teenager brings. but fuck, dude. i really miss it. i miss always having art to look forward to, i miss the collective enjoyment of something. i miss cosplay and rp (though i personally did none of the former and only a little of the latter). i miss the thrill of an update, of engaging with a work in progress. but i also miss good weird art. I miss what the internet used to offer.

and obviously i am reaching for something that will never exist again, and probably an enjoyment of media i will not be able to replicate due to the fact that i am not 13 years old anymore. it is easy to love something with your whole heart when you are 13, i think that, in fact, is the peak age for loving something so deeply.

i wish the homestuck fandom didnt implode like four separate fucking times. i wish community was still a part of fandom? if that makes sense? i haven't made a New internet friend in years. that's sad! i used to make new internet friends all the time!

perhaps i am romanticizing it all. but i loved the internet so much. i loved you all!!!! so much!!!

so i suppose its getting late so yadda yadda i love you, i am glad i exist.

[jaskiersvalley]

I just reached the bottom of your writings and felt the need to say that i appreciate you. You’re really cool and im happy I stumbled upon you.

You are far far too sweet. This has been sat in my inbox for so long because I don't think anyone has called me cool before and I wanted to bask in that. I really appreciate you too and I'm really happy you stumbled upon my blog. So I hope you're still in the fandom and enjoy this little bit of odd zombie AU.

CW: Zombies, apocalypse, Resdent Evil/Last of Us inspired AU.

Last Hope

Nobody expected the Continent to turn to shit. War had been on the horizon, Nilfgaard was advancing but not once did anyone expect them to have been experimenting with creating superior soldiers to fight for them. Allegedly the idea had been to harvest some of the Continent's monsters' attributes and imbue them into soldiers, creating a new class of warriors. It hadn't worked. But what Nilfgaard did manage to create was a virus like no other before. It turned humans and animals into mindless, violent creatures whose sole purpose was to feed, preferably on human flesh. The virus spread like no other, bringing the whole Continent to its knees.

Pockets of survivors remained, walled up in thick stone keeps. Kaer Morhen was one such sanctuary. Witchers, it turned out, weren't immune to the virus. Letho had watched Serrit and Auckes succumb to it, had put them down before setting light to where they'd been trying to stay safe and he set off to find somewhere, anywhere, that would accept him. The cold didn't impact much on the undead, they still moved just as deadly fast, unencumbered by things like fatigue, hunger or frostbite. Still, he made it up to the keep and was welcomed in. It was probably the most full Kaer Morhen had been in a long time. There were witchers, sorceresses, humans, dwarves, vampires and who knew what else, all coexisting and trying to make the best of their lives.

"I heard rumours," Letho said over dinner. "There's someone immune to this whole wretched thing down South."

"And I heard a rumour that taking a shit over the parapets cures piles," Lambert shot back with a snort. Being cooped up with so many people didn't exactly suit him, even when Aiden was there along with Eskel too.

Yennefer sat up straighter. "I've heard that rumour too. Sent word out that if it's true, we're probably best placed to try and find what makes the person so special. Maybe derive a cure from them."

Not long after, Gaetan arrived with Guxart. And with some news.

"There's a man and a girl travelling North. Allegedly with the hope of a cure."

The others exchanged looks, not wanting to believe rumours. Hope was a dangerous thing, but they could all use a dose of it. Things had been bleak to say the least.

Guxart picked up the story. "There's a lot of people gunning for them. So far they've evaded being captured, left quite a bloody trail too. We saw what remained of a tavern. Allegedly the group living there had been luring in weary travellers with the promise of safety, only to throw them into a fighting ring." Unfortunately such stories weren't unusual, humans had the most disdainful ideas of entertainment at times. Guxart pressed on, "If it was those two then I hope they're not headed here. They left no survivors, cleared out the place of humans and undead alike. It was a massacre."

There was nothing to do but wait. A week passed, then another. The hope they'd felt at the mention of a possible path to a cure dwindled and turned into bitter disappointment at the backs of their minds. It was almost three weeks later that there was a commotion on the path to the old keep. The undead who lurked in the trees were snarling and howling as two figures broke into a sprint on the last stretch of the path, pursued by quite a hoard of hungry zombies.

"Get the gate!" Vesemir bellowed and it was a mad dash to open the gates while armed. They weren't quick enough and a scuffle broke out as the two travellers were up against the gates, the undead descending upon them. A sharp scream went up from what sounded like a young girl. The gate opened and Eskel reached out, pulling her in first before Lambert gruffly yanked her protector in too. The others pushed to slam the gates shut, bolting it once more.

"Cahir! Are you okay?" The girl ignored them all in favour of checking over her guardian, wisps of blonde hair sticking to her sweaty face.

"I'm fine." A gruff answer and the so called Cahir looked up at them with an exhausted, hollow gaze. "This is Kaer Morhen, right? We were told this is where we had to come. She's Ciri, I'm Cahir."

Vesemir stepped forward with a brisk nod. "Welcome. Let's get you settled. From what I hear, you had quite the journey."

Yennefer ushered Ciri away and the others trailed after her, curious to see what someone immune to the virus looked like, acted like. The left Eskel to lead Cahir to a room of his own.

"Nilfgaard's quite a way," he said by way of conversation, ignoring the way Cahir rubbed his wrist under his cloak.

"Vicovaro is even further." The answer was a little prim and offended. "I'm not Nilfgaardian."

"My apologies. If you want to clean up, we have a communal bath in the lower levels. You're welcome to join us."

The offer seemed to go ignored as Cahir simply flopped on the bed and closed his eyes without even kicking off his worn boots. Eskel couldn't begrudge him, such a journey was long and tiring even before the world went to shit. To then have to cross the Continent while chased by who knew how many people wanting his precious charge and the unending masses of undead no doubt made the whole thing exhausting.

Dinner was bubbling away in a large cauldron over a fire and the chores for the day were done. It was quite common for most of the residents of Kaer Morhen to settle in the baths, one of the few remaining luxuries left for them. To everyone's surprise Cahir bumbled in a little while later, still sleep rumpled but without his cloak. It left his ragged and torn shirt in full view, including where one sleeve had been ripped off at the elbow. On his lower arm was a freshly applied bandage with blood that had seeped through in an all too telling pattern. Cries of alarm went up as they spotted the bite.

"You've been bitten!"

"How could you endanger us like this?"

"You idiot!"

It was a cacophony as various witchers jumped out of the baths, reaching for their swords and heedless of their nudity. There was a very real danger in their midst that needed to be taken care of. Cahir held up his hands in a placating manner, surrendering without a fight.

"If I may?" He pulled his shirt over his head and the others tried to make sense of what they were seeing. His body was littered with scars from bites. Some were healed, others still scabbed over. When the trousers slid down, Cahir's legs were no different.

"What the-?" Lambert scowled.

It was the exact moment Yennefer arrived, Ciri in tow. She gave Cahir a once over. "It would seem we made some assumptions. Cahir, when you're rested and fed, I'd like to take a sample of your blood and hair please."

Next to her, Ciri giggled and tucked a strand of hair out of her face. She walked up to Cahir and took his bandaged arm in hand, inspecting his handiwork.

"You're getting better at this," she announced. "Hopefully it's the last one you've taken for me or anyone else though."

Her words were followed by an eerie silence in the baths as the others mulled over everything.

"So-" Eskel rubbed the back of his neck with a small frown, "-is Ciri your daughter?"

A bright laugh bubbled out of Ciri at that. "If only I was so lucky. I was his escort and bodyguard. Our pursuers often assumed that me being so young looking meant I was the immune one and Cahir was protecting me. That deception worked well for us."

Guxart cleared his throat. "We saw a tavern that was a fighting ring."

Both Ciri's and Cahir's faces darkened at that. It was Cahir who answered.

"We survived. But barely." His hand rubbed over his shoulder where a large chunk had been torn out, leaving a visible dent. "Had to lay low and recover for a while after that. Ciri injured her throat."

"And you got a bitch of a fever. You're the worst patient ever, always fidgeting and poking. It's a miracle only that bite got infected so bad."

Cahir stuck his tongue out at Ciri and she poked him in the stomach. In turn Cahir ruffled her hair and danced away. Taking it as a challenge, she dashed after him and gave him a shove that sent him flying, landing with a big splash in one of the baths. Spluttering and laughing, he surfaced.

"Oh you little bitch!" He playfully splashed water in her direction but Ciri let out a scream and the water froze mid arc before dropping into a sad little puddle on the ground.

The others stared at her in awe and horror. She grinned at them with a shrug. "You didn't really think they'd send some random, helpless girl as a bodyguard, did you?"

A hand landed on Ciri's shoulder as Yennefer smiled down at her. "You and I have a lot to discuss. How would you feel about learning how to control your powers even better?"

For the first time since the news that there might be a solution to the virus, hope trickled back into the lives of the residents of Kaer Morhen. It wasn't going to be an overnight solution, they knew it wasn't going to be easy. But they were one small step closer to a safer, happier life and that was more than enough for them after years of despair.