#im stuck in the perpetual state of “idk if this is what i want but it looks cool ig” idfk LOL

[isjasz]

[Day 264]

This one will be the last one i promise JHASKLDAHAH but light!!!!!!! Idk man LMAOF

[bunnihearted]

🤧🐀🌧️🌊

[amigac0debasic13]

inhaling so heavily so so heavily,, hey guys its me im back. ninjago. This is just a huge rant about me HATING how trauma is handled in this show. ignore this if you do not want to see my HORRORS.

WHY. IS TRAUMA NOT A FUCKING THING IN THIS STUPID ASS SHOW. Im on another rewatch because im FUCKING INSANE but it drives me actually mad that there are so many downright horrific things that happen to these characters that are just NEVER addressed. lets talkabout the fucking first one that caught my eye when I was first watching the show!!! Im basically going from least infuriating to most infuriating, im trying to cut this show some slack but dear god. !!WHY IS COLE OKAY MAN. HE LITERALLY DIEEED. HE TURNED INTO A GHOST. listen Iknow ninjago death means nothing, and im going to talk about that too but he literally could have ceased to exist if he so much as touched water. after he got his body back, why was this never FUCKING mentioned. I think. if I was in a perpetual state of being horrified my existence would amount to nothing and id just stop BEING when I touched some clear shit coming out of my sink id be pretty scarred for life. I loved possession man, but this happened to TWO CHARACTERS. TWOOO. AND THE OTHER CHARACTER IS LLOYD. lets not even MENTION that hes been exploited the moment everyone found out he was a green ninja, and before that a bunch of grown ass people were bullying a CHILD WHO IS ACTUALLY HOMELESS, lets talk about how his fucking body was taken over by Morro while he ALSO worries about his DAD BEING STUCK IN THE FUCKING UNDERWORLD. IM LOSING IT. IM LOSSINGG ITT. On a smaller note, MISAKO ABANDONED LLOYD. KILL HER. I am the hashtag misako hater garmadon deserves better. The show made no attempt for them to bond or try to make amends for what happened when Lloyd was a kid, she barely appears at all really and it just makes me fucking despise her. ALSO MORRO. this kid. reminding you, CHILD, fucking died in a cave. the cave we SAW in the pilot, if i remember right which is FUCKING INSANE>,,?? we SEE HIS SKELETON. THAT IS A CHILDS SKELETON. never mentioned again after episode 8 I don't think. now the MEAT. THE MEATT. whatever the FUCK went on with garmadon after he got resurrected. They actually did cover this a bit with how Lloyd acted around garmadon, but crystalized also sucked ass and really gave us nothing on how Garmadon felt about this. on god im so sick that hes so normal shaped in crystalized too, He was literally growling with every breath in sons of garmadon why is he normal now. Its been years, i get it. also the Garmadon comic. but he SHOULDNT be a normal person whos just an asshole, I want him to be feral okay?? ok??? I am playfully gesturing to Devils Horns by TeuthidaRegina (did i spell that right. idk man. Its a super fucking good fanfic.)

ALSO Vinnys apartment is very inaccurate there should be scratch marks on the walls and then they should kiss. ANYWAYS Besides this, Lloyd being mad at Garmadon was really all we got for how *he* was effected by his once loving father now randomly coming back with his ribs exposed and only being able to say like. 3 words. and also him immediately trying to kill Lloyd. I feel like we should have gotten a LOT more man. Now this isn't really a problem with the show (Its a huge problem in crystalized but that's a given) but more a problem with the fandom, so that's why I'm putting it at the end. this does not hold relevancy over garmadon becoming a BEAST. (also garmadon becoming a beast is the best thing that ever happened in this show btw. you all are wrong and he should have been animalistic from the beginning. still nice. but he should have also growled. all the time.) My issue is with how people portray harumi. I already had my Harumi spout in a post I made earlier, but I only mentioned the toxicity of the ship with her and Lloyd a little bit. Let us THINK BACK on how she literally feels nothing for Lloyd at all. He was a stepping stone in getting Garmadon back, and she probably straight up hates him. She pretends to like him to manipulate him into helping her resurrect garmadon ok?? do we understand?? Ive seen actual tags on AO3 that say "no harumi hate here" and I am so done. all the harumi hate. dont FUCKING talk to me if you want to justify the downright horrendous things shes done. That ship is toxic as hell and Lloyd is downright being abused AGAIN for like the FIVE BILLIONTH TIME IN HIS LIFE. I dont care man. shes an abusive bitch. i HATE HER. Crystalized made the worst fucking decision trying to justify her and I genuinely hate whoever thought that was a good and right decision to make. If she comes back in dragons rising i hope she dies AGAIN, but Im honestly rooting for them to ignore crystalized's existence. Now finally, this is the absolute peak of how Ninjago shittily handles trauma. the ICE EMPEROR. Zane was stuck in a fucking hellscape of a realm for like. what was it. EIGHTY YEARS??? he went fucking mad man, he turned into a bloodthirsty tyrant during that time. and when this seasons conflict was fixed with the "power of friendship" the show literally mentions that the ice emperor is STILL INSIDE ZANES NOGGIN. AND WHAT DOTHEY DOO?? THEY MAKE IT INTO A FUCKING JOKE. its honestly almost disgusting to me how they handled it, Zane has DIED BEFORE. that's bad. he should have trauma. BUT Zane LITERALLY HAS A BLOODTHIRSTY KILLER IN HIS FUCKING HEAD. DO NOT JOKE ABOUT THIS SHIT. ACTUALLY. HE SHOULD HAVE SOME RELUCTANCE TO USING HIS POWERS OR SOMETHING, ANYTHING MAN. HE KILLLED AN ENTIRE RACEE. Genuinely this is one of my favorite shows, and I love adding onto the shaky ass plot and making it better, but I cannot DEAL with this. Im going to throw in the shit that happened in the spinjitzu brothers book, because oh my god Wu and Garmadon should be fucked up with all the stuff they have had to deal with for like. 5 thousand years. but its fine. its okay. its the book series. I wont mention it. (that book series is so good please release the final book please) ((I LOVE wu and garmadon they are some of my favorite characters in the ENTIRE series im blinking my eyes at you. please go indepth on those two. also give Wu a dragon form, or an Oni form, or literally anything he IS NOT HUMAN.) Also if anyone tells me im ignoring skybound its because I do not need to say anything about skybound. we all know what happened. we ALLL know what the fuck they did to Nya. and fucking. mister possibly a pedo creep man who does not care about consent. I dont even remember his name thats how bad I hate him .

[italoniponic]

These headcanons go out to that one anon who requested for a part 2 and Cherry

Mc has really good organizational skills as it pays off when ever he has to bail out one of their friends outta trouble

Mcs' scent is a hit topic amongst beastmen as it smells different to everybody but the one thing they all seem to agree on is that it smells like their favourite scent

Mc has learnt how study regardless of the environment they are in so it doesn't matter whether they study at the library or at one of Kalims parties

Mc is considered to be the 8th dorm leader of the NRC and actually cam attend any of the Dorm leader meetings but they don't cuz their always busy

Mc one time showed Malleus how to play Pokémon and so now one of Malleus's new hobbies is to play pokemon(bro has a whole team of dragons)

Mc has learnt how to function with only 3 hours of sleep. This combined with how tired they are of Crowleys tasks makes them sound either bored or perpetually tired

When mc was younger they had a dog named Pluto.

Mc has never once watched or read anything relating to Disney .

Mc despite their status as magicless they are a really good magic tutor which baffles everybody cuz like bro how u gonna be here for only a couple of months but you can coach someone as if you used magic your entire life.

Mc homemade honey is banned at the NRC because students who take it grow stronger quickly but im return it makes them crave it to the point where fistfights have broken out over a single jar of honey

I hope you like these new Hcs i have feel free to ask for more though cuz u have a bunch if scenarios, theories and whole lot more just stuck in my head.

So anyway goodbye Cherry and that one anon i have to sleep now

[more MC hcs here]

Thanks again, my dear <3 You made an anon, my followers and me really happy! then again, feel free to always come back with more hcs anytime you want and when you feel like it. hope you had an good night to sleep~

as always, I chose some favorite hcs to comment on!

I think the scent bit was very interesting. maybe it's bc they're from another world? or just... idk, I liked it. makes me wonder what kinda scent me or Yulia would give to the Savanaclaw trio. I drink a lot of coffee so maybe my breath is in an perpetuate state of cafeine

I wouldn't attend the dorm leaders meetings too. Part bc yeah, Crowley let us busy til the very end, other part bc... not feel like it. they would have to hunt down for Leona and me to come to the meetings they gave up on Malleus we all know

Malleus' pokemon team of dragons <3 how cute!

I love how the dog Pluto and "never heard of Disney" can actually tie together lol like, MC could just be really into Roman mythology or astronomic stuff (since it's "roman Hades" and an dwarf-planet)

W-why is so NRC to fight over an simple jar of honey???

thanks for coming in again~~ I'm posting this at night (it's 22pm for me here) so, hope you and everyone is reading have good sleeping nights as well <3

[seokjinsonlyone]

i feel like jimin would def be the type to “im so lonely 🥺” his way into some cooch GEISHSI or he would unintentionally do that cuz you know he got those big ole pretty eyes and soft voice???

but idk Jimin is def a different person when he’s tryna make a move on someone like how he was smirking at Chloe and was smirking at that one lady with those fulani scalp braids in like 2018 on that radio show… yea he would do that smirk with his hands in his pocket, jawline all sharp, and his eyes would like be darker and sharper almost.

then you’d be all like “boy stop staring at me 🤭” and it would make him even more cocky seeing u blush so he’d be all like “so I can’t look at you?” HSISHSI in that suggestive tone men do while licking his lips.

needless to say, the night would end in boots knocking and tongue kissin. if he really into ya then he would keep talking to u, check up on u, and have u dripped out in chanel n shit. if not, he would cut it off fast cuz Jimin seem like a lil playa idk.

that’s what I think💯

nah fr bc we all know jimin is not above whining and throwing a tantrum to get what he want nd if he wants u he’s gonna have u simple as that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

like this just remind of i think it was back in 2018 when that one reporter called jimin a demon bc he locked eyes with literally every single person in the room and wouldn’t look away until they did

so like if jimin spots u in a party or sumn the nights going one of two ways if he makes eyes contact with u and you break first he’s gonna make it his mission to cuddle up all nice and sweet to you calling u all kinds of nice names cutie sweetheart honey angel baby whatever soft grazing touches to your arm gently sweeping strands of hair behind your ear just doing any old thing to have you blushing flustered with him

if you don’t break eye contact tho congratulations 🥳 you’ve just started a challenge you cannot win gone is me cutie sexy lovely and ur faced with a straight up menace like he’s gonna be aggressive wit it bedroom eyes ONLY everything he says will have a double meaning he’s gonna show OFF like every alluring thing about him will be made known overtly gonna be licking his lips so you can see how nice and plump and juicy they are running his hands through his hair so you can imagine how healthy and soft and silky it is cracking his neck to draw attention to his jawline he’s gonna stretch just enough that his shirt rides up so you can see his abs and after all that when he sure he’s got you hooked he’s wrapping one arm around your hips and pulling yours to his so you can feel exactly what you’re messing with

either route you choose you’re ending up a whining squirming mess under him thoroughly ran through and bc jimin’s in a perpetual state of sluttiness no matter where you wound up at whether it’s at his place your place or the hotel motel he’s gonna be gone before you wake up he’ll leave his number for you if he wants to see you again and you’ll be stuck with just a memory of the night if he doesn’t nd that’s that on that 🫡

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

tag game!

tagged by @le-trash-prince

Last song listened to

live version of flowers by little simz cause its one of those songs that make me feel like im ascending. like the instrumental has that almost floaty yet deeply emotional vibe that a lot of lowkey/emotional simz songs have, her flow in it just itches my brain right, her lyrics are sooooooooo !!! like they make me want to scream, the singing is great it literally is so perfect and the live trumpet solo bit hits so hard to me god what a song

Fav color

lowkey don't have one but im really feeling like diluted green recently... call it being stuck in a cold snap in january but yeah

Currently Watching

shows i am actively watching:

killing eve (ive been putting off watching season 4 for a few weeks now tho.... i dont want it to end)

just started playboyy the series last night and am losing my mind over it 🫡

rewatching abbott elementary cause i missed gregnine and also needed a good laugh this january

ones ive recently finished but have scenes i feel the need to watch at least weekly

kinnporsche

only friends

shows i am in a perpetual state of rewatching as a source of comfort:

run bts

haikyuu (obviously)

she-ra and the princesses of power

abbott elementary (as stated above)

Last Movie

the new mean girls musical that came out because i wanted to watch renee rapp be pretty and mean for an hour and a half straight

Sweet/Spicy/Savory?

honestly all three? but also im one of those chronically ill ppl that needs like a shit ton of salt every day... but i also think any savory meal that isnt overly salty should be very spicy... but i also love chocolate.. so yeah all three

Relationship Status

complicated 🙃

Current Obsessions

vegaspete fanfiction 🫡

Last Thing You Googled

the schedule for vnl 2024 games cause my ass is trying to get to texas in may to see my girls play in person

i have ommitted the picture option because my camera roll is entirely screenshots of memes and shows im watching... idk what that says about me....

[sweetcron]

11-97

hhelllll yEAHHHHH HERE WE GO BABIE!!!!!!! THANKS FOR THE ASK!!!

i probably went too hard on all these but....one of my summer classes just finished and i was like yeahahhHhhahah

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

totally depends where i am and how much time i have, but typically ill have yogurt & something small but sweet so i dont go insane

12. name of your favorite playlist?

god right now my favorite is handle without care, which is just stupid songs im into right now

13. lanyard or key ring?

lanyard, except i always get it caught on shit so typically i just throw my keys in my bag anyway

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

oooo hard one, my initial thought was sour gummy worms, but probably... either that or sour skittles. oh but fuck lemon & black licorice jelly beans together......im excited to have 0 followers & 0 friends tomorrow

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

percy jackson was dope. im trying to come up with another that i even read and frankly cannot

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

honestly i just sit like a fool all the time, but i like to be very reclined and almost horizontal, if im forced to sit more upright i like crosslegged or with my leg(s) pulled up to my chest

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

depends on the season or length of time, recently it’s been my black high top vans, usually it’s my docs. for a long time it was black converse.

18. ideal weather?

i like when it’s a little sunny, kind of overcast, but a little cold, like enough to wear layers but not suffer

19. sleeping position?

on my side, curled up, ideally holding pam(ela indestructable underworld), my adorable stuffed sloth

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

depends on what it is, but I have a planner sort of thing i really like for planning, a sketchbook/painting sort of notebook for more emotional shit and then my twitter that nobody follows and is private for really emotional shit

21. obsession from childhood?

i loved making like..dirt, water, and grass mixtures in an empty gatorade bottle. apparently this is not a common experience.

22. role model?

everyone to an extent, but also nobody. but to pin down a specific person, probably my therapist lol

23. strange habits?

i keep listening to shiny from moana? also i keep wanting to change my hair.

24. favorite crystal?

oh god, i love opal, but i dont know. most are pretty but some are awful. it depends, and id have to look at a million pictures for any resemblance of a legitimate answer

25. first song you remember hearing?

that’s so hard um. i dont remember very early but i do remember hearing crush, crush, crush by paramore and thinking ew crushes are gross even though i had a crush on a dumbass at the time, and welcome to the black parade and crying

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

warm, probably a concert but past that, walking around, going to thrift stores or record shops. 

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

a concert, again but past that going home, or getting a warm drink

28. five songs to describe you?

oh LORD!!!!! this is hard, but i did my best

1. caught in the middle - paramore

2. grow - muna

3. cool for cats - squeeze

4. cut my lip - twenty one pilots

5. tubthumping - chumbawumba

29. best way to bond with you?

share music with me, be vulnerable and share what is going on with you

30. places that you find sacred?

being in trees and being alone listening to music that means a lot to me loudly

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

i have a mustardy yellow shirt that’s got vertical lines that are raised from the shirt, and then a flared leg jumpsuit sort of thing that’s like plaid, with black and white and grey. then docs, and yeah i love that outfit. adore it. even better with a jean jacket with fleece lining.

32. top five favorite vines?

also so hard but after doing this i think im gonna throw up from laughing so hard

1. dancing puppet

2. get outta your mind

3. cat

4. WAY TO GO PAUL

5. krispy kreme

33. most used phrase in your phone?

that’s a great question, probably me asking people what to do with my hair

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

none currently, but always “meat, it’s what’s for dinner”

35. average time you fall asleep?

depends, but usually 10ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

probably some rage meme like brian or whatever

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

depends on what im doing, but usually duffel.

38. lemonade or tea?

arnold palmer babie!! but it depends, usually i’d say tea, i really like lemon ginger (especially pukka but its expensive)

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

i dont know if i’ve had lemon meringue pie, but lemon cake sounds better i think

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

i remembered this and it is entertaining, in middle school (i was...prolly 14? 13?) someone said “someone likes uuuu” to me and i was like. “......k” and they were like..... “it’s a giiiiiiirl” and i again, was like “.......k” and so literally, i fucking spent the rest of the class being like, hm! apparently i dont care. and thats how i realized that idc about gender when it comes to liking someone lol

41. last person you texted?

max, @laetan​. follow him if u dont i love him

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

women’s pant pockets are cursed. jacket pockets enlighten me, especially when there’s one normal and then one like, on top of that pocket but the entrance is horizontal. that’s my favorite.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all? but let’s rank them 

1. jean jacket, my absolute fav, i have like 5 jean jackets and it’s bad. i always want more

2. hoodie, with a jean jacket is even better, but COMFY!!!!

3. leather jacket, look like a badass with one piece of clothing!!

4. bomber jacket, dont have a lot but always make me feel cool

5. cardigan, makes me feel like an old lady, but also really comfy idk. even the worst is amazing

44. favorite scent for soap?

i love lemon, but any fruit is good. or like, vanilla

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi usually....fantasy is usually too much and superhero is usually annoying. unless it’s spiderman. i adore spiderman

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

oversized soft t shirt and like, soft shorts/boxer things

47. favorite type of cheese?

GOAT CHEESE!!! also sharp cheddar and pepperjack

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

pear. i feel like i’m not talked about a lot but people like me and nobody despises me??

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

i really like “you can start over each day” and “only skeleton bones remain” (FUCKING CLIKKIE)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i feel like ive cried laughing so hard, or almost thrown up, but i dont know why, and that’s almost better

51. current stresses?

just general body things, appointments, school in the fall, graduating, etc

52. favorite font?

it depends on what im doing, but i love my own handwriting, i like times new roman, hate arial with a PASSION!!!!! brawler is nice but doesn’t bold well. handwriting fonts are cool too

53. what is the current state of your hands?

left hand’s nails is in silver glitter and right hand’s nails are blue/purple glitter. perpetual hangnails. still a hint of a scar from cutting my hand on a razor, and remnants of blisters from rowing

54. what did you learn from your first job?

that you can be kind and see change without changing the entire world, and that men are creepy as shit

55. favorite fairy tale?

i dont think i have one? max probably has a good one that i’d love. new ask game send me ur favorite fairy tales and ill read them and review them

56. favorite tradition?

my mom makes me a half birthday cake every year, it’s really cute and idk why it warms my heart

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

fuck dude, umm this is hard and also a lot

1. my extreme self hatred!!

2. my extreme concern for other people’s thoughts, just honestly like dressing and listening to whatever and not really caring, ill always care, just not as bad as i did

3. letting go of things and trying to grow because of pain rather than viewing it as a waste of time

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

uhhhhhghaghhaghdshaghdhsaghadshg i dont know this is hard

1. finding dope ass socks at thrift stores

2. thinking creatively and trying to make something stranger than others like it

3. i can draw p well???? i guess? i designed my tattoo does that count

4. winning contests. i won like, 10 last year? like wtf

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

recently it would be life’s a sham and then ur wow, in reference to life’s a bitch and then you die and also shamwow. so that. or just constantly referring to things as bad boys, like. dishes.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

there’s different kinds? but ummmm i dont know, i dont want to google anime types. can i say like a miyazaki movie and be done with it

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

i dont know, can i do a song? bc i really like I’m alive in spite of me recently, also like this graffiti that i say that said 33 might mason men couldn’t put me back together again

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh boy, i asked my gf for help on some

1. nick miller from new girl

2. peter b. parker from into the spiderverse

3. dean mccoppin from iron giant for some reason

4. emile from ratatouille 

5. a mix of ben and leslie from parks and rec

6. a weird mix of chris and ron from parks and rec

7. rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid

63. five songs that would play in your club?

1. come down by anderson paak

2. send me on my way by rusted root

3. doses and mimosas by cherub

4. replay by iyaz

5. rap snitch knishes by mf doom

64. favorite website from your childhood?

WEBKINZ!!!!!

65. any permanent scars?

yeaaa got a lot, most prominent are on my legs, partially just stretch marks, and then the one on my forehead from when i got stitches

66. favorite flower(s)?

i love carnations, marigolds, roses, but really anything, fuck

67. good luck charms?

i don’t have any, i used to wear a bracelet my gf gave me but it broke. *insert gif of me trying to remember when it broke and if that’s when everything went to shit*

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

centipede jelly bean. worst thing ive ever had. it wouldn’t go away for a day even with eating other things and drinking water and chewing strong gum. horrible

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

i have no idea. truly

70. left or right handed?

i am right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

houndstooth, i really don’t like it for some reason

72. worst subject?

i am oh so bad at writing, it’s really hard for me. but honestly recently every subject is horrible.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

this was mentioned before, but black licorice and lemon. i’ve only had it with jelly beans, so maybe it’s not as good in other formats

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

depends on what it is, if i think a migraine is coming then i take it pretty low, maybe a 4, otherwise i can deal with it up to like a 6 or 7, unless i’m needing to focus

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i dont know when, but i do remember where. i was at a drive through bank in a rental car with my parents and brother in oregon, and i put the tooth in the lid of a plastic water bottle.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

jalepeno potato chips are soooo good but, honestly, tots are the best. mashed potatoes are good too

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

depends on the direction it’s facing and climate, but i’m growing some ivy right now and it’s so pretty and cool. also a christmas cactus that my great great great grandma or something like that started and has been passed down!!!! and a ..... leafy boy

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

absolutely coffee from a gas station, i dont trust sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

my school id because i’m smiling. i look stoned or dead in my id.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

i didn’t entirely know what this meant, so i googled both and went oooooooo to jewel tones so. jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

i say both, i don’t know which i say more frequently because i live where there aren’t ....... lightning bugs. ore fireflies. whichever. lol

82. pc or console?

i dont game much, but i like my psp a lot, or like a joystick sort of sitchhhh

83. writing or drawing?

dRAWING FOR SURE!

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts, i don’t listen to much of either

84. barbie or polly pocket?

can i throw in a third variable of bratz?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

either, but probably mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?

depends on the kind, but i love frosting and cupcakes are fun, so cupcakes.

87. your greatest fear?

that i will lose everyone i love or push them away? eeeee

88. your greatest wish?

to be content and hopefully other people are content alongside me

89. who would you put before everyone else?

honestly my gf, max, and steph. and my mom. yeyeeeee

90. luckiest mistake?

oh god we could go deep or not. probably not. so like, buying pamela, my stuffed sloth

91. boxes or bags?

depends on the situation, but bags are fun, can put patches on them, plastic bags are boring and boxes are useful, help organize or carry lots of things

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

sunlight absolutely, i love it. i then would say lamps are better than fairy lights which are better than overhead lights. fuck overhead lights

93. nicknames?

for me? okay lets GO. delly, delly boi, dell, d, glen, glenjamin, glenny, yenaled. there’s a lot of weird/gross ones that i dont want to share.

94. favorite season?

fall in theory, summer in stability.

95. favorite app on your phone?

wasn’t this already asked? CAUGHTCHA

96. desktop background?

switches between 3 pictures around colorado that my gf took

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

five

98. favorite historical era?

good question, i honestly don’t know. can i say the 80s or 90s? if not like, before racism existed. yeah

[a-memoir-of-me-blog]

control the population. population control. keep them at animal like behaviors. keep them asleep? yeah...no. if it affects the economy of the country you live in...it affects you! <3 but ofc....use the system to your advantage, always. lol. am i katniss

Yeeeooooo. They were on this since 1960s. Under "Subsistence Agriculture" heading. It says "the us and other industrialized countries sought to move farmers "beyond" subsistence into industrialized production as a part of development programs in 1960s"

They fucked knewwwww. They're developing hydroponics and vertical farms and NASA is working on making places on mars for this. And the population control had to come to a halt because too many people being born and not enough food. Bruhhhh

"A return in subsistence agriculture has taken hold in parts of the world where farmers feel production for the global market has not benefitted them either financially or culturally (and it's bad for their health with all the Monsanto shit). For example, indigenous people in the southern Mexican states of Oaxaca, Chiapas, and Guerrero have largely returned to subsistence agriculture. The nation reported in 2010 that Zapatista farmers have "in effect chosen to withdraw from the national economy, some weaning themselves off expensive chemical fertilizers and subsisting on corn they can grow, Harvest and barter""

AND ITS STILL GOOD. because ITS FOR THEIR OWN INTEREST. BUT ITS DIRECT TRADE. NO MEDIUM. BRUHH

Omg. Hunger games is fucking real. "Shifting cultivation....primarily found in tropical and subtropical zones where traditional farmers have to abandon plots of land after the soil become infertile".

BRUHHH. The SHIFT. Who's changing this? Who's making the weather bad?! Who's creating these wars to make all the land of FOOD die?! BRUHHHH. POPULATION FUCKING CONTROL

Texts to my first love:

-I fucking volunteer. The hunger games was a fucking warning

-him: idk babe but go for it. Like i have no idea about how and what a farmer in oaxaca, mexico do and shit and honestly really dont care what they do either.

-you should because this literally affects you in everyway (economics...duhhhh)

-him: how

-your health, your money, your freedom to do X Y Z because you are being fed this shit (like their freedom to be healthy...get food actually worth their dollar...etcetc, whole domino effect). There is war over this stuff bc we need land to live and make food and its all about primary means of survival. Literally everythinggggg

-him: who says the supermarket im going to is sourcing from this guy specifically. (omg...lol). Hun this has nothing to do with me fr. hahaha. Maybe to you cause you find it interesting but i know i dont

-no. It has everything to do with you (bc its economics duhhhh). Like literally the ground you are standing on

-him: no it doesnt. Farming outside of the country has nothing to do with my living location or situation

-not them specifically. But in these commercialized places and big agribusiness, they 1) underpay workers 2) keep them out and cant go to family and support them (with already not even enough money for adequate things) 3) their health is bad (pesticides, etc…) 4) their family will have family issues and the kids will also have issues and educational issues as well and are very vulnerable 5) leads to kids acting out and becoming a burden to not just parents but also the economy that they are within 6) the cycle will continue.

Omg. yes it does. This is what makes people sick and what makes land die and what makes food not available and waste water and we all have a war on this…

-him: where in the us do you see this (omgg….third world america. Ppl dying. Ppl getting kicked out of their homes. Its everywhere. It may not directly impact you, but damn, does it indirectly impact you…)

-if you havent noticed, the places war torn and having terrible health and are poor and having issues with their land and bad weather is all perpetuated by monsanto. These countries were the og agriculture that had an abundance of arable land and crops and now they are dying because of food greed. And its so funny bc we are killing the land we are fighting for and we are gonna end up with nothingggg. Bruh. we get our food out there (and that affects food prices and availability). Thats why VERTICAL FARMING and HYDROPONICS and INHABITING mars for that. Because we are literally running out of food for people and water and its all our fault and they cant even go to school because they have to pay for all of this and its just to survive. Like….what happened to having the pursuit of happiness, when all they are doing is just trying to survive, not die on the streets, etc….and its all bc the system and the greed. The greedy white man.

-him: this is on a country to country basis case. Their shitty living situation, education and all this is due to their gov neglect (yeah...neglecting them from being protected from americas corporate greed and their scam…) not US being the sole cause of this. But honestly i dont really for it to be frank. Im worried about actual shit in my life that im dealing with and not a mexican farmer in god knows where and his issues

-you NEED to care for this.omg. This literally causes ALL conflicts because of power issues and if you stand neutral, you chose the side of the oppressor. Power is fighting over needs of resources to survive, right? And people will rob them and hide them because greed and the need to hold power because they are threatened lololol. The powerful one will always want more and more and more (but if you become more than human and dont fall into your condition...then you will give it away. Go make more and more and improve it….) but then they realize they have too much and then will make someone exchange it for a fake ass inflated price with no intrinsic value that wont keep them alive (aka….money and material things) and bruh. Food and water is fucking PRICELESS. We will literally kill for that because it KEEPS US ALIVE. And if they keep killing and also contaminating it, then 1) we will all be bloody af 2) we will have water..but its all contaminated and 3) we will have too much of nothing….and even if things werent contaminated, the balance would be off. We would 1) have too much to consume and it will go to waste, we will be too hype and start having kids at an alarming rate and the baby boom will happen all over again...this literally involve you 100% and the only way i can see this cycle to stop is get out of it. Be more self reliant and community based.

-him: no it doesnt babe...like what 100% involves me is my living situation, work situation that im getting together (he’s moving out to ny for me :’D), school. Like shit that actually is right now affecting my life and i can actually manage and make a change in and not this.

-and really care for your neighbor

-that because the system set it up for you (thats why you need to know how to use it to your best ability and get out) and just continue it on and on and on and keep you working more, keep you held back, keep taxing you more, etcetc….thats like having the farmer work for all the food but doesnt get shittttt for his labor and only people they work under will reap the profits and the food (that they prob dont even want to eat themselves) that goes out to the market and they just keep them doing the sammmeeee thing day in and day out. Farmers dont even get to reap the benefits of their hard labor.

And yes. Take care of yourself now, definitely. But remember to always know the system and take it to your advantage and use it to better yourself. Thats what the system does, it is a literal test. And then you can do more global and huge scale things. Thats what everyone will do. Go thru the struggle of being in the system, find the benefits that are hidden and the keys to get out and milk it so hard and then you can work on what you want to work on for yourself and for others. Because you will only get what you give...do what you wanna do for yourself and others to continue this life and legacy that you have. Thats the give. U gotta give it all and give in to this wholly. And use it to your advantage and all the tools and your own mind and imagination and creation and then before you know it, youre creating your world around you and you dont even realize it...but yes. U give your effort and work for someone and/or something and use their benefit from it and their references (but never get stuck in that!!) and the experience that also happens along the way. Build on your foundation as you go thru it all. Get the good, defend from the bad. Attract the good. Make them want to go to you, and it only works with genuine and care. Thats literally what school and work is for and life. But always remember there is a bigger takeway from this than just the time you are going to sacrifice. Just a lot of people dont know what to take out of it and just study and get good grades and they dont know why they are doing it….or worse, they just start to work and get money and thats it….we are more than money and numbers...we are more than a made up value and we are more than just being in this infinite “time” of “things”. We’re timeless….

-him: thats all i wanna do. Use life experience, corporate experience, life experience all to my full advantage and be able to flourish to my beneift and with that give back fruit of my labor to you, my family, and our family one day. That is an attainable goal i can handle and accomplish

-me: yessss babe. Alwayssss remember to give back to the people around you and your neighbors and your community because theyre the ones who will remember you and care for you and come together for you because they know youre a good person who only helped them. Theyre youre team. Were all on each others team. Lol lorde is woke. I love her pure heroine album

And also be hellllaaaa aware and careful in the corporate world because they can definitely corrupt your mind and the government and the public. Dont become a spawn. Dont let them let you get lost in their sauce and keep you blind from YOUR real goal. They will try to enslave you with their money and their false power giving. So direct a lot of your energy into direct beneficial things. Like thats why im like “why dont corporations/unis/communities, give like not just education stipends, but like stipends that keep their health up” ex google. I think theyre a pretty sustainable and socially and environmentally friendly and conscious company and keep their employees healthy and top notch and best ability to work and not just give them insurance and healthcare (because why take care of it and spend mad money on it when it can be prevented….and with prevention, it is less and you get more out of it…). Like they let them get rest when they need to so they can be more productive and to their best ability and also keep them autonomous so they dont get burnout  and they get a share of their stock so they directly see the benefits going straight to them thanks to their hard work and commitment. And if it doesnt give that, invest money into like...things that keep not just your health up but also the planets. So you can stay away from bad health and then given “meds” to “fix” a “problem” they want you to think you have. And thats why i urge you to stop drinking and smoking all the time.

[w0rrying]

word vomit 2

today, and just the past few days have been exhasting. like, do you ever get stuck in what seems like this perpetual state where the same things and feelings im experiencing are the same as the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that even.. like I physically feel like a pile of shit because i finally got a job, but I hated it; had an anxiety attack a few days ago, and haven't been back since.. is it really worth putting myself through all of that just for a host job ? thankfully ive had 4 serving job interviews in the past 4 days and I just want to land one sooo bad. My brother and his girlfriend i feel think of me as this mooch lazy college kid who's getting by off their things, but I promise that's not at all as it seems... Maybe my mom was right.. I've been thinking of maybe getting a cheap apartment with jax anf his girlfriend because we all get along so easily but fuck that situation is on a whole nother level.. a whole nother galaxy even. Today my ex told me that his girlfriend could possibly be pregnant.. and honestly i think this news shocked me more than it did him. Life is changing so quickly, and the thought of my ex haivng a kid with a girl that didn't even date him longer than I did, and she's 5 years older than the both of us.. like idk. regardless of all the shit jax has put me through in the past, he is just one of those few select people i would literaly do anything for, whether it benefited me or hurt me in the end. I would drop anything just to go help this one individual and it's like, fuck. It'd crazy how time changes things, because if you would've asked me a few months ago when I was literally tearing myself down, drowning in the tears i wept for this person, you'd wonder why I'd even give him the time of the day.. and I still ask myself tht. i hang out with him everyday, and he talks to me about her. how can someone be so unsure about the perosn they're with and not even try to fix it? god im getting stressed over shit that's not even directly affecting me.. yet at least

my life is a bottle of confusion and tonight just kind of made it worse. we do certain things in life for others, at least i try to do, all the time. Some, granted, do those types of things more than others. But i believe I play a great contribution to the well being of people around me. But there comes to a point where you have to take a break from constantly thinking an putting others before you, and just do you. And for me to do this, I had to end a relationship. Quite frankly, it was a short relationship. but that really doesn't matter. what matters and bothers me out of everything, is when you tell someone you need to do something for yourself. for your literally mental self, and they still seem to find a way to flip it back on them, and make themselves feel guilty which in turns makes me feel guilty. which i get is your anxieety, but i have that to.. an life is shit and sometimes we hurt people along the way, but sometimes the hurt isn't intentional. it wasn't for this case. and while this person meant a lot, and obviously still does. sometimes people do things, and while it may've been an irrational reaction to something, nevertheless does it change the fact that you thought and said those things about me. When in a million years i would never jump to such rash concluions or say such spiteful things. I am not one to hold grudges, but sometimes people go too far. and sure,youy may not have meant it, but sweety you said it. and you can't take back harsh accusations like that. at leas not easily, with me.

so maybe certain people who you initiallly thought would be there for the long run turned out to be there for a quarter of the mile. and yeah it sucks, both sides sucks.

but idk, maybe you were just a sstranger afterall,who only took interest into finding the things out about me that they thought they could fix or were intersting. because talking about shit tonight, you don't know me. maybe I never knew you. and if you're reading this, which I guartnee you will be... this is not an attack like you did to me. I'm not jumping to conclusions. I've picked up on these things and quite frankly theyre easy to tell. ive said sorry,you;ve said it too. but sorry can only repair so much... and the fact that you talked to your ex that you "hated" about us??

the space you seemed to be giving me was helping because im trying to find myself. but you claiming to be "checking up on me" is not the sane as going through mutiple of my social medias, seeing one picture, and accusing me of shit that if you relly knew me, you'd kno I never do.. so with all of that, honestly, good ridiance. because i just dont think at 19 i can handle and be putting myself throgh this. not again, not another relationship. i cant.