#im very inconsistent with this app

[karamazovanon]

i love how your blog simultaneously includes insightful thoughts on the themes of dostoyevskys work and blatant shitposting. this is how the dialogue around classic lit should be

firing warning shots to keep the property values low <- not entirely sure if the warning shots are the shitposts or the opinion pieces but it's working either way

[lazaruspiss]

any horny hal jordan comics to recommend me?

GOD I WISH. unfortunately i am a "rotate my blorbo in the microwave of my minds eye" kind of guygal u know. Yes im a dc fan. No i dont read. We exist. (My reading list is a nightmare. It's an entire spreadsheet.) I wanna read hal's spectre arc bc it seems like its got weird gender and ghost stuff goin on which is soooo 💕💕💕

[osarina]

ᡣ𐭩 KNOW IT'S FOR THE BETTER (ALL I WANTED WAS YOU)

FEATURING: dazai osamu

SUMMARY: he can't stop himself from calling; you can't stop yourself from answering. he never speaks, but he doesn't have to—just knowing he's there is enough to lure you in. that's how it remains for weeks. that is until you mention that you're going on a risky mission and dazai has to to make an equally risky decision to keep you safe.

(wordcount: 3.1k; fem!reader, pm!reader, post-defection, angsty but not awfully so (again, sorry, i swear there's happier ones coming), implied alcoholism, dazai gets a bit jealous, ango cameo)

AUTHOR'S NOTES: OKAYYYYYY this was actually my first pm!reader and pmzai fic, believe it or not, it's been in my notes app for ages. i tried to fix most of the inconsistencies. as always, can be read as a standalone butttt for the people following the pm!reader universe, this comes directly after death by a thousand cuts! i hope you guys enjoy!! im actually rlly excited to finally get this fic out here!

He calls you sometimes.

Well, you don’t know for sure it’s him—he never speaks, if you’re lucky sometimes you can hear soft puffs of air from the other line, and the number is always unknown, but you know in your heart that it’s him. 

The first call came three days after you found him drunk in an alley—seven months after his defection. 

The unknown caller ID popped up on your phone while you were drinking with Chuuya in his apartment, trying to forget all about Dazai Osamu and all of the pain he’s brought you. You answered it irritably and when you got no response from the caller, you promptly told them to fuck off and die if they’re going to waste your time with prank calls. You expected them to hang up right away but they didn’t—in fact, they only hung up when they heard Chuuya shouting for you to get off the phone so he can open another bottle of wine, as if he wasn’t going to anyway. 

The next call came another three days after that. 

You were in a meeting with Mori when the unknown caller popped back up on your phone screen. You excused yourself to answer the phone only because you were desperate for a reason to get out of the meeting—you think that he might’ve somehow sniffed out that you ran into Dazai and if he outright asked you, you didn’t know if you’d be able to lie without him catching you in it. 

Regardless of the reasoning, you were even more pissed off than you were the first time when you heard the silence on the other end, accusing them of fucking with you and demanding to know how they got your number—again, the person didn’t say anything, and you hung up even more irate than you were the first time. 

It takes three more calls for you to put the pieces together—it’s a bit embarrassing how long it took you, but in your defense, you were trying to put Dazai Osamu as far from your mind as possible. Honestly, you weren’t even sure of it when you first guessed his name. It’s a shot in the dark when you answer the unknown caller for the fifth time and whisper, “Dazai?” so very hesitantly. Your confirmation comes in the form of a sharp inhale on the other line before it instantly goes dead. 

He doesn’t call again for two weeks, and when he finally does, it’s in the middle of the night. The buzzing of the phone woke you up, your alarm clock glowing a bright 3:15 am. You don’t even look at the caller—you figure it’s Chuuya, who has yet to return from his mission in Sendai—as you answer with a groggy “what?” 

You get no response besides the sound of a shaky breath on the other end and suddenly you’re wide awake as you realize who exactly called. He doesn’t speak, even as you make yourself sick with anger—he’s conscious and coherent this time, unlike the time you ran into him in the alley, so you take the opportunity to unleash all of the pent up rage and hurt that you’d withheld that night. You cry for the first time since he defected and he stays on the line the whole time, until you eventually exhaust yourself and fall asleep. When you wake up in the morning, he’s hung up, but the call time reads four and a half hours. 

It becomes a weekly occurrence—occasionally biweekly. 

Sometimes, you tell him about your day, rambling on about how you were irritated because Mori made you deal with Ace or complaining about recent territory issues that the Port Mafia has been facing—something that you probably shouldn’t be sharing on an unsecure line with someone who defected from the mafia, but you can never bring yourself to fully care because it’s Dazai. 

Other times, you just lay in bed quietly, exhausted after a full day of work, the phone resting next to your ear as doze off to the comforting sound of his steady breathing. 

You don’t tell anyone. 

If anyone knew you’re keeping in contact with a traitor, you’d be executed. You think that Chuuya might know—the two of you now share the penthouse of the westernmost skyscraper of the five buildings of the Port Mafia’s base and you know he’s smart enough to have put together who you’re talking to late at night. But if he does, he doesn’t say anything, because he too knows what the consequences of your actions would be if it were true.

You let out a soft puff of air as your phone begins buzzing—it’s well past midnight and you’re half asleep, but you roll over and pick up the phone with heavy eyes.

“Hey,” you whisper.

Dazai doesn’t respond, he never does, but you can hear him breathing on the other line, closer to the speaker than he usually is. You can’t help but notice that his breath is heavier than usual too, a bit shakier. 

He’s been drinking, you realize. You figured that he usually drinks on the nights that he calls you, but he never lets himself close enough to the speaker for you to figure out if it’s true. You just hope it’s not as bad as….

“I won’t be able to answer for a while after this,” you say quietly after a few moments, rolling over in bed to shift your face closer to the phone. “Mori assigned me another mission. An infiltration one—first one since you’ve been gone.”

Dazai would know the implications of that, and from the way he inhales sharply at your words, you know he does instantly, even in his drunken state. 

Whenever you were sent on infiltration missions, Dazai was always the one in your ear, making sure that you got in and out safely. You refused to take infiltration missions unless Dazai and his freakish prophetic ability was the one on comms for you because you knew he’d be able to figure out if you’ve been compromised before the enemy have even figured it out for themselves. 

But you had known it was only a matter of time before Mori put you back on them. You’re the best suited in the Port Mafia for them and the recent issues with that gang that’s been moving into the northern wards from Asakusa all but demands interference from the inside lest you guys will be dealing with another major gang war and the city can’t handle that. 

“I’m nervous,” you admit for the first time, voice little over a whisper. “I don’t trust anyone but you to be my eyes and ears. Plus this mafia is... They're very violent. Kawabata leads it. I faced off against him in Osaka before he moved into Tokyo, back when I was still in Kyoto. It's... risky. It's been years but I'm worried he'll recognize me. I don't know why Mori is insisting on me being the one to go in.”

You swear you hear Dazai take in another breath, as if he was about to say something this time, but he doesn’t. Your throat feels swollen and your eyes feel misty, jaw tight. Not for the first time, you miss Dazai. You miss him so desperately that you swear your chest caves in at the thought of him. 

You want to hate him but you know you can’t. You've come to accept that already. But you think you still might like to pretend you can.

You told yourself after you ran into him that night that you’d push him from mind, you’d forget about him. You knew that one day you’d meet him again—you and Dazai Osamu have been entwined since the day you met, fate has a lot left in store for the two of you for things to just so abruptly end—but until that day, you have to focus on what matters. And what matters is the Port Mafia.

But how are you supposed to forget him when he can’t even bring himself to fully leave you behind? You think it’s cruel of him, and you think that you should ignore his calls until he finally gives up, but you can’t bring yourself to because no matter how much you preach about forgetting him, if the choice of keeping contact with him arises, you’ll always choose it.

“I miss you,” you breathe out, voice cracking over your words. “I miss you so much that it hurts, Dazai. i-“

The line goes dead. 

The words on your lips die as soon as you realize he hung up, heart sinking. You sigh as you stare up at the ceiling before curling over onto your side, hoping to at least get a little sleep before your early wake up call for mission prep. 

But it’s a naive hope—you know that you’ll never sleep tonight, not with thoughts of Dazai Osamu racing through your mind. 

Dazai shouldn’t be doing this. 

His knuckles are white as he sits at a row of monitors in a locked down ex-government facility. On each of the screens are different vantage points of the main base of the Scarlet Gang, the mafia that had been run out of the Asakusa ward of Tokyo by the Sun and Steel and is now challenging the Port Mafia. 

Ango is pacing somewhere behind him, expression tight and arms crossed against his chest. Dazai knows that he’s livid over this, but Dazai also does not care because he doesn’t think that Ango has a right to be livid about anything that Dazai does anymore. 

He’s been here for three days already. His knees are tucked to his chest as he sits on the spinning chair, bags heavy beneath his eyes and hair matted and oily after days of sitting in front of the screen without budging an inch. He doesn’t dare take his eyes off the screen—not when your life is on the line, and especially not when he’s not even on a direct comms line with you. All he has is a burner cell and hope that you at least take a look at your phone if he has to send a text.

If this mission is like every other infiltration mission you’ve been sent on, it’ll be another two days before your planned extraction—and if you have the same luck you always do, the mission will go smoothly. But Dazai has a dark feeling in his gut, and he isn’t quite sure if it’s because he has no control over the mission or if something bad really is going to happen, there have already been some suspicious signs and he doesn't trust Mori. Your whole comment about his insistence on you going keeps scratching the back of his head like he's missing something, because there's no way Mori would ever risk losing your ability, especially to Kawabata. The man is always scheming, and Dazai is certain there's one simmering below the facade of this mission but he just can't figure out what. Either way, he knows he can't risk stepping away for even a moment. 

“I thought you were done with this, Dazai.” Ango finally has the nerve to voice what dazai knows he’s been itching to say for three days. “I thought-“

“Maybe you should stop thinking,” Dazai says dryly, his head hurts and sweat is beading beneath his arms. Three days without drinking is affecting him way more than he thought it would, but he can’t afford to be inebriated for this.

“Dazai-“ Ango begins.

“I’m not doing this for the Port Mafia,” Dazai cuts him off, dark eyes dragging across the screen to where he sees you laughing with one of the members of the Scarlet Gang, leaning in close with a teasing smile. 

You’re beautiful. Stunning. He can’t blame the way the man you’re talking to seems to gravitate closer to you, enamored by the sound of your voice and the way your eyes glitter beneath the room’s chandelier, but he still wishes he could put a bullet through his head. 

He hasn’t seen you since the day before he left—well, he doesn’t remember seeing you since then, at least. He has some suspicions regarding the part of his ear that mysteriously went missing the night he woke up in one of your shared safehouses, but this is his first time really seeing you and it makes his chest feel sick and heavy to know you’re so out of reach and by his own doing, nonetheless.

His eyes narrow as he watches the man reach out to brush his fingers against your arm. His lips twist down even more when his gaze tracks down to your lips—this is always his least favorite part of being on comms for your infiltration missions. 

“You won’t be able to oversee all of her infiltration missions anymore, Dazai,” Ango says, voice a bit more gentle and Dazai has a distinct urge to rip out the man’s vocal cords. “Once I get your records clear and you’ve joined up with the Agency, you’re going to have to leave this all behind for good. All of it.”

Dazai doesn’t respond. His lips press together tight as Ango’s words register. He knows that he’s right, that if he wants to honor Odasaku’s final wishes, then he has to leave everything behind—even you—but he can hardly even bear the thought of it. Never seeing you again, never hearing your voice again, he thinks that a life without you is not a life worth living. 

He thought that he’d be able to do it, that he’d be able to cut you off just like everyone else, but it only took one drunken night at a bar when he stared at old pictures of you for a bit too long for him to give in to the aching feeling in his chest, the desperate need to at least hear your voice one last time. 

Except one last time turned into another and another; as much as Dazai Osamu likes to pretend to be strong, he’s always been weak at heart for you. From he moment he met you three years earlier during the Dragon’s Head Conflict—sent with Chuuya by Mori to retrieve you after finding out the squad sent to escort you back had been decimated by an ability user—he’s known that he was out of his depth when it comes to you. 

He was already curious to begin with, Mori doesn’t speak highly of anyone but he did speak highly of you, and at first Dazai assumed it was just because you were a girl, and a young one at that. Everyone knows Mori’s gross fascination with them. But when they found you mid-conflict with an ability user, trying to hold your own with only a gun and some rubble as shields to defend yourself from sweltering flames, he realized that maybe there was more that meets the eye to you. 

You’re beautiful—god, he can never stress it enough, words don’t do you justice. Wicked smart. Can talk your way into and out of any situation. Have a bounty on your head high enough to rival his own. From the day he met you, Dazai knew you were everything he’s ever wanted. And yeah, maybe it took him too long to come to terms with that, but it doesn’t make the feelings any less powerful.

Sometimes, when he drinks just a bit too much and he finds himself staring at old pictures of the two of you that he’d taken, he wonders if you would have come with him if he told you what he was doing. He wonders if maybe he hadn’t been a coward, you would be with him right now instead of risking your life on an infiltration mission with some incompetent moron on comms instead of him. He wonders if maybe he would have kissed you on that same bridge he tried to kill himself during that first week he spent drunk and alone. 

He doubts it. In his heart, he’s pretty sure you’d always choose the Mafia over him, but it’s nice to pretend sometimes.

“I don’t care” Dazai finally says, his voice rougher than he intended as he gives Ango a cold look from the corner of his eye. “I won’t let her die on a bullshit mission because some clown is on comms for her.” 

Ango doesn’t get a chance to respond again because Dazai’s eyes are drawn back to the monitors, where a conversation is taking place on the far side of the room. A conversation that has them looking in your direction a bit too often for his liking.

Dazai inhales, rising to his feet, shoulders and arms tensing as his eyes trace the screen, trying to figure out if he should send you a warning. If he’s wrong, it’ll have completely blown your mission and it would put you at risk if Mori or any of the other executives start questioning you as to why you abandoned the mission for no reason.

But if he’s right… 

Dazai is good at many things, and he’s always been quick to be the one on comms with you because he, better than anyone else in the mafia, is good at reading and predicting enemy moves. He always knows in his gut what’s about to happen, you would sometimes joke that it was his real ability, some form of foresight and you would be less joking when you nudge his shoulder and tell him that you’re glad you have his ‘freaky prophetic ability’ otherwise you’d have been dead a long time ago.

Dazai grits his teeth. He feels Ango approaching him from behind but ignores him, mind racing as he tries to calculate the best course of action.

Finally, he takes the burner phone and shoots you a short message: compromised. 

And then he waits. 

The longest and most tense minute of his life passes as he watches you on the screen, waiting to see if you’ll even bother to check your phone. He doesn’t think that he’ll be able to stay in the room if it turns out you are compromised and stuck in enemy territory—he’d feel helpless, unable to do anything but watch and pray to a god he barely believes in that you get out okay. 

Come on, he thinks to himself as one of the men begins making his way in your direction, nails digging into his palms so deeply that blood began to flow from the crescents. Come on, check your phone. 

And then you do. 

He lets out a shaky breath of relief when he sees you pull out your phone, eyes tracing the message on your screen rapidly. A flurry of emotions rocket across your face, and for a moment, Dazai thinks that you’re about to cry.

But then you smile again, leaning in and clasping the man’s hand and leaning in to brush your lips against his cheek before making your way out of the room. He doesn’t dare look away until you’ve slipped out of sight from the cameras littered throughout the building and out of danger. 

Without another word, Dazai turns to leave the old facility.

“Dazai,” Ango calls after him.

Dazai ignores him, snapping the burner phone. You’re safe—that’s all that matters. Now he can go back to drinking himself away and dreaming of what could’ve been. 

Two days later, Mori sends you away on a mission abroad that lasts the next three years. That night was the last time he had any sort of contact with you until you’re finally brought back.

[sydneymykah]

☆☆THE STRUGGLE OF ROUTINE ☆☆

✧─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Some people can just get out of bed and automatically do what they need to do to get the day started. And the same people seem to be the ones we see the most on our screens. "My Morning Routine", "My weekly regimen", "What I eat in a day", and "My Nightly Routine". These people are seemingly put together and perfect like their said routines. But here you are slouched on your undone bed, still in your pajamas, wearing makeup from the day before after waking up after 12 pm. You meaning me, lmao. ☆...

☆The struggle of routine is something we all face regardless of what social media persists to tell us. But I don't really want to talk about how "social media is fake" because that's not even fully true. Some people really do live like this and have very structured routines for their day to day lives, granted it's what pays their bills but that's still technically their routine. But I'm more concerned about talking about how DIFFICULT it is to keep a constant routine. Especially in this weird time we live in.

ミ★I'm a perfectionist. I hate when things don't go the way I want and I tend to want things one way or not at all. But life doesn't live by those rules. Life will throw whatever the hell it wants at you, whenever it feels like it. As an individual you have to learn to work around it all. For me it's an inconsistent work schedule, minor (or major) inconveniences, mood swings, and of course the main culprit is laziness/lack of discipline.

☆We've all done it. On a random day of the week you're up way too late reflecting on your life and what you're doing with it. You suddenly feel the hyperactive urge to fix everything about yourself. You want the perfect body before the summer. You want your hair to grow longer faster. You want to get all your life goals written down and planned out dow not the last minute. You want to post a 1 minute video everyday on TikTok at exactly 3 pm EST and post at least 4 pictures to your instagram every other day. So you open the notes app and make an extremely specific, unrealistic, and way too intense routine to follow everyday. You set reminders, add 30 new alarms to your phone, you fill your amazon cart with stuff you believe you'll defiantly use. And after you make yet another playlist of YouTube workout videos you go to bed confident your life is gonna change forever after this...

Now one of two things happen:

You completely throw away the routine the minute you wake up the next day

Or, you do it for a few days but eventually burnout and find yourself back where you were before, now with just more useless junk you have no room for...

ミ★I have personally been both. But we can all empathize with this because if maintaining a routine was easy it wouldn't be such a successful phenomenon online. Out of the millions of views under "my morning routine" posts, many, if not majority, of them are people who wish they can live the way these people do. I think we as people have developed mindsets that are negative first, positive later. Ever since the quarantine we've been used to online overconsumption. The idea that "more is better", and the scare that was the virus has sparked this fear in us that is wasted time. Hence us wanting to build new giant routines in the middle of the night just to eventually abandon it because our minds and bodies don't evolve or develop like that overnight. Most the time the routines are grueling and just makes us feel exhausted over accomplished. When we don't see immediate change a lot people, including myself, give up then and there.

☆Im not here to tell you how to keep a constant routine or how to become more disciplined because all that information is in the palm of your hands. Honestly at the end of the day it's about your mindset. Realizing what is around you and remembering the reality you live in. You want that body? You want that hair growth? You want to post? It's all possible but here's where the issue lies:

ミ★We forget to forgive ourselves and to be patient with ourselves. We fall under the pressure to perform for social media as well. In this digital age we try to make social media real life 24/7 and put real life on the back burner. Everything must be aesthetic or else! Or if you can't keep a constant routine for a week you're a failure! But the reality is no one just wakes up in their perfect aesthetic one day and has this perfect routine down pat the first time. Another thing that we keep doing is what everyone else is doing. Another example of putting the online first before real life. We've forgotten the beauty of growth, and how things develop overtime. It reminds me of how small artists have the potential to blow up overnight. They suddenly have all these eyes on them and then the GP turns on them simply because their exceptions don't match the artist's personal growth. I think we do the same to ourselves. But regardless of what other people, social media or even what you might even say to yourself the best way to find a good routine is get to know yourself, not someone else. And to not go by others expectations. It's good to hold yourself to a high regard and to make ambitious goals. But you should remind yourself that you want this to last and you don't want to burn yourself out trying to perfect your life like it's a speed run.

☆When following creators who makes content like this I advise to follow people you relate to first. Not saying you can't follow those extremely aesthetic ASMR morning/Night routine videos because hell I watch them too. But know that I watch them for simply that. I've come to the point where I can watch that stuff and not feel incompetent or that I'm failing in life but I digress. Don't pay attention to the many trends and what's hot, just look for people who you might see yourself in, or people who have qualities similar to yours. Physically, mentally, ect. Because if you're a black girl who wants to know how to do a specific 4C hairstyle you're not going to the white girl influencers for tutorials are you? For me I watch Jackie Aina. Her and I don't even have the same tastes in certain aspects, specifically clothing and home decor but she reminds me a lot of myself and some of my values. Her content inspires me but doesn't make me feel like I need to reinvent myself overnight. That's not realistic nor healthy. I think subjecting yourself to that will just give you an identity crisis. Her content helps me feel confident and you should follow people like that too.

ミ★My purpose of this post is not "continue to be a slob" (I'm a Taurus stellium and Venusian. Girl we don't do that over 'chere.) it's to remind and to encourage. A reminder that what you see online isn't what real life is 24/7. Doesn't mean it's all fake, it just means that life doesn't just look like one thing. Social media just tends to make our vision a bit tunneled. Yes, some peoples lives surround what they eat in a day, what they do when they get out of bed, and the steps they follow in their nighttime skincare routine. But our attachment and overconsumption to these types of creators constantly fails to remind us that they're still human. Hell even when the human creators tell y'all "hey I'm human" they still aren't treated as such but guess what? They are! So are you. You are still human. Finding a groove that works for you will take time. And many times you will fail. You will probably forget to do something, you won't have the time for certain tasks, or an inconvenience will pop up out of no where that knocks you off course. But if at first you don't succeed, try again. Social media picture perfect propaganda (lol) has made us forget that life happens and that we will essentially always struggle with routine. Some things stick, some things don't. Some routines last a long time, some only stay for a day. We live in an age where everyone's trying to move as fast as they can to keep with the trends, keep up appearances, and to make up for lost time. And as much as I love the thrill of the fast life, how can I expect to see my growth, what I like, what needs changing and how to fall into a good rhythm when I'm too busy trying to keep up.

✧─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Xoxo, Sydney Mykah -☆

[catiruru]

WHAT THE FUCK IT'S BEEN A WHILE-- anyway,, if y'all wanna stay updated with all my artworks you can follow me on twitter (@Catiruru) since I share everything that's happening in my entire life there.

I disappeared from this app bcs my old tab was full storage and I had to delete tumblr. And im also just so lazy to log in and upload my artworks in multiple apps so-- BUT IM BACK and I IMPROVED YES my artstyle is still very much inconsistent but I really like learning new things so I can't really stop myself from applying everything I Iearn in every artwork which results to my style changing every new artwork,, but hey maybe one day im finally gonna reach that consistent artstyle 🥹

anyway,, here's my VERY recent artwork 😋

One thing's gonna make you recognize my artworks though, my works r always going to be colorful🙂‍↔️🫡

[murdrdocs]

hi... this is awkward, i admire your work very much! i mean really! I'm an anon who has been reading fics on tumblr since like almost 2 years ago and right now i want to write my own fics! (it's my hobby to write and i have so many writing ideas that i want to write down) but I don't know how to really start writing on tumblr... so I'm asking you for help if you don't mind! like what apps do you use for writing before u upload it in tumblr? how do you edit your fics and how do you edit the, what is it called... the picture above your fics... as you can see I am not educated in this LOL.. how do you edit the fonts?.. to make the lines that seperates.. whatever, stuff like that!! if a writer saw this post too, maybe you can also help me!! thank uu 🧡

oh i got u anon (imagine me rubbing my hands together)

for my drabbles/blurbs, i write and edit in tumblr just bc its sm easier for me that way. i do everything on my mac now (sometimes i'll use my phone to write but i always edit on my mac) but sometimes i'll give everything a read on my phone bc i catch errors easier that way.

when i'm writing a full fic, i keep it simple and use google docs. the app doesn't matter i don't think, i just know when copy and pasting into tumblr on docs, if you copy and paste on a computer it'll keep all your formatting (italics and bolds etc) and make it sm easier for you.

when i edit my fics i just read and check for errors, plot inconsistencies, the flow of the story, and just things like that. nothing crazy revolutionary.

for the pictures above my fics i use art that i find on pinterest (im not well versed in art i just look for pics that i think r pretty) and the i crop them. when i crop i legit guess on how thin i like them to be but i never do any bigger than 16:9. however i also used to do the three square pics format, and also just use gifs. this part is totally up to u and it'll deff change over time.

i use one font on tumblr but before the keep reading line i use the cutesy tiny text. to get the tiny text u just highlight ur text and next to the 'B' and 'i' will be a '<s>'. and the for keep reading you place a space between your text blocks and there's a grey icon that has a line, a squiggly, and then another line. thats the keep reading button (very crucial plz add it!)

and tysm!! this is not awkward at all i get lots of questions like this

[jossambird]

Im sorry if this post comes off weird and not very understandable, but I (and a friend) have been forced to live with something horrible and traumatizing (at the hands of someone we called A FRIEND) for the last few days and I am about to burst and need to get this out somewhere where I feel safe.

(TRIGGER WARNING: faked Sui attempt mention below, me being gaslit, lied to, made to feel like I was an idiot and a harasser)

It all started a few days ago by a message from (someone that I called a friend)’s account. Lets call them Wolf.

In the past, during our short friendship, a friend and I discovered that Wolf liked making jokes about Sui. Alot. Everyday, practically. But not only jokes. Once, she faked a Sui attempt, filmed it, and sent it to my friend N. My friend, traumatized, told me in the group chat and we were very pointed in saying that such things were not a laughing matter. Please keep on mind, Wolf is in her late 20’s. An age where you would think people no longer do such things.

Now, back to what happened. It all started a few days ago by a message from Wolf’s account.

Wolf’s account left a lengthly message in the Discord chat we share with N, my friend. The message was by someone we did not know, telling us that Wolf had committed a Sui attempt and was now in the hospital.

We were told by “Jordyn” that she was only telling the people closest to Wolf what happened, and that none of Wolf’s In Real Life friends knew. It was only us, and Wolf’s parents. She told us to stay quiet and to not post on Wolf’s personal instagram, as to not let anyone know.

Why were we being told this? Why did Jordyn “take” Wolf’s phone, go into her Discord account, and decide to send a message in a Discord chat that had had NO ACTIVITY FOR 10+ DAYS?

Something was nagging at me and my friends mind, something felt wrong with what was all being said.

Constantly were inconsistencies popping up in her messages and constantly did something feel OFF. Something didnt feel right.

Why were we, two random people on Wolf’s Discord list, being told all of this? Why were we being told by “Jordyn” that none of Wolf’s In Real Life friends knew, but we, were being told all of this information?

The next day (8 to 10 hours after receiving the first message), still hesitant to believe it all after receiving NO proof or concrete information, I asked what hospital she was being held at, so that I could see about sending flowers. Sure we weren’t close, but it was the least I could do. The answer I received?

“She's gotten a lot of flowers. Like pretty much the whole room is filled with flowers. We might get her a P.O. Box or get her a cash app account set up, so people can donate.”

Once again, why were we being told (without being pushed but still told nonetheless) that we could donate money to a Cashapp that Jordyn was going to make for Wolf’s rehabilitation or that we could send cards to a PO box? But oh sorry, no one’s been told what happened but flowers are everywhere, so much so that we’re tripping over them so send money instead.

Today, after multiple days of being told “updates” that didnt line up with what would happen to a Sui attempt survivor, I had a lengthly conversation with the friend that was living through all of this with me.

I decided to ask if “Jordyn” was comfortable sharing information on what happened. (She had already told my friend everything in Private Dms, so why not tell me, a medical student studying in neurology and psychology, and who is studying on how to help rehabilitate Sui Survivors?)

She said yes, so I asked. I asked, as delicately as I could, on what happened, because the things she had said did NOT line up with what procedures a doctor would normally do.

The answer I received? Wolf’s account leaving the Discord server, and this:

All I did was ask questions (because nothing was lining up and everything felt WRONG in everything this Jordyn/Wolf/whoever person was forcing down our throats on Discord everyday, and I figured I was owed that much since hey, Im being told all of this all of these horrible details in what happened) but I guess I was only allowed to that and only that, and to send money of course.

I (and my friend N) was made out to be a fool, an idiot. I was Gaslit, lied to, and manipulated.

Your name is not Wolf, but that is what you are. You are a Wolf in Sheep’s clothing, and that is what you will remain forever in my mind.

[hella1975]

Hi, I followed you for your fic and I saw you had some posts about having ADHD.

I'm also ADHD, could you tell me about your writing process? I get stuck with things staying in the notes app and they don't really get past that stage.

I'm not sure if it's an interest thing, if the notes fulfill the want so there's no need to put it together. If you have anything thoughts about how to keep up the consistency for fic that'd be appreciated.

Hopefully this isn't too serious of a question, I just have some trouble with wanting to write but not having a purpose for it and I was wondering if that was a brain thing/relatable.

Thank you in advance for any response ☺️ also good luck with your uni stuff~

thank you anon! and dw this isn't too serious at all. i think it's interesting that you ask about keeping consistency bc ironically the biggest tell of my adhd in my writing is my INCONSISTENCY, as you can see with the way updates happen. i wrote 200k words of taob in one year and now i update twice a year on average. i wrote 60k words of tams within a few weeks and now it hasn't been updated since july. and these are just my public projects where i at least have the added pressure of knowing people are waiting for an update, you should see the state of some of my original wips! basically my point here is that my adhd is VERY apparent with my writing habits, but these days i work with it instead of trying to fight it. even before i knew i had adhd, i was aware that my writing came in periods. id go a few weeks churning out insane amounts daily and then dry up for months on end, and each time id enter the 'have i lost it??? will i ever write again???' spiral until low and behold, something would inspire me again and id be back to typing like a madman. i used to seriously fight my dry periods bc of that fear of 'losing' my writing, but that never helped and honestly turning writing into a need instead of a want probably made it worse.

it's one reason - aside the fact it is rude and annoying, i dont want to pretend it isn't or put the blame on me bc that's not what im saying here - that constant demands for fic updates bother me so much, bc people dont realise that the writing style i have now where yes we unfortunately go long times without updates is actually how my writing comes out at its best standard. so yeah! it can be incredibly frustrating and even scary to feel physically unable to write, but if it's something you like and want to do i do truly believe it'll always come back sooner or later, or at least that's my experience :)

[linalavender]

[Spoilers] Chainsaw Man chapter 177: The Statue of Liberty

Hey its been a while, Ive been sucked into the bird apps clutches again despite my wishes. (Sidenote the M key on my keyboard is broken and inconsistant, I try to proofread and correct it but if you see a word that looks like its missing a letter its probably an M somewhere lol sorry)

Anyhoot, Time to talk some theories, more specifically: What the hell is the Devil that the American Government has hid in the Statue of Liberty? And why is it Yorus child?

I cant believe I'm saying this but I think a Fanart Fujimoto did holds the answer.

A number of years ago, Fujimotos deffinetly real not fake sister posted Fujimotos take on Captain America on twitter:

And while I dont quite think Fujimoto is asking to have Disney lawyers at his doorstep anytime soon I think theres some inspiration to be drawn here. Because I think the Devil is something directly tied to both America and its many many wars Justifications: "Freedom"

Guntrotting warloving americans will often joke about "Dispensing freedom" into destabilized countries with a power vacuum and the attrocites American soldiers will commit in the name of "Freedom" is inumerable. Not to talk about all the shit the CIA does behind the scenes. I think its very fair to say the concept of "Freedom" and its american flavor of it can and frankly is a pretty feared idea. And it also ties directly into being a child of war because you would only fear freedom as a concept when its used to justify the attrocities commited to your people, using Bombs, Guns, Tanks, artilery, missiles etc during a "war"

It is also very ironic to have the Embodiment of the fears of Freedom imprisoned in a monument dedicated to the concept.

theres a few things against this though. Why did specifically only NPA members lose their trigger finger and not like, soldiers carrying out these atrocities. How do you make freedom a power that is both reasonable and something you can like stop in the story, Im a little stuped on these questions specifically but hey Fujimoto is a far better writer that me so he can figure it out lol

[thirteenfrogs]

I truly believe you would become one of the best authors on this app if you were more consistent with your work, no doubt you top the rest of those woso blogs any day of the week😂holy fuck I read the fic based on the Lucy dacrus song, it was literally amazzzzzzinnng shame you only have one fic for Leah id love to see you do more for her !!definitely the first time I’ve actually felt feelings reading a fic you made it very realistic with all of the angst, the longing and yearning and then eventually mending the relashionship can’t stress enough how good that was and just how much I enjoyed it!! hope you have a lovely weekend :) xxx

i’m glad you enjoyed ! unfortunately im very inconsistent and the other writers on here are definitely much better and post amazing works frequently but thank you sm lovely !! <3

[kennedyzz]

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NAME :: kennedy / ivan / elias

PRONOUNS :: she / he / they + vey / xey

LINKS :: tiktok , carrd

DESCRIPTION ::

hello!! this blog is gonna be for posting fanart, mostly of danganronpa: despair time. and david chiem. lots of david chiem. i needed a place to post my art anyways.

THINGS TO KNOW ::

i will be constantly busy, and mostly likely focusing on editing more than drawing.

im very new to tumblr, so i may not know how to do some things on this app.

i might post non-art things (like drdt memes) every now and then, so i hope you dont mind that too much.

my art style is probably inconsistent, so expect it to change from one drawing to another.

most of these aren't even going to be finished pieces, and more likely silly doodles since i dont have the time to finish them.

its mostly gonna be doodles of david chiem. i literally cant stop drawing him.

my drawings probably suck lmao

DNI / BOUNDARIES ::

- basic dni

- extreme sexualization / romanticization of me (unless youre close)

- putting me down for my interests

- anti-neo/xenopronouns

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

[devdhxc]

im so lonely and nobody want m3333 :(

i went to the goodwill bins on monday and i bought this shirt that says “my boyfriend is a pain in the neck” its so fukin cuteee and i love it so much and im keeping it for when i finally get a gf one day. for now imma have to rock it cuz its sooo fire but its a v-neck and the neck goes down rly far and i got hella acne on my chest and it doesnt look good. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ACNE AND I AM NOT INSECURE ABOUT MY ACNE but imo it just doesnt look good on me when my acne is the only thing you see. maybe i am insecure about it and thats my way of saying im not idk. im gonna pretend im not cuz im a very confident person and don’t want to be insecure lol. but the most confident people still have insecurities. AT LEAST 1. idk bruh i decided to take an addy at 11:30pm and now its 1:25 and im yapping on tumblr. i am not ashamed of it. and also who cares cuz nobody sees my posts cuz idk how to make my account grow lol. tumblrs one of my favorite apps but idc if i have a bunch of followers on here. im inconsistent with posts and i mostly just use tumblr to help me and give me ideas for song/album covers.

im done yappin, thanks to no one for reading cuz nobody’s gonna read this shit but i guess thank you to tumblr for being such a nice app and letting me yap. luv u tumblr<3

[gglitchshit]

Gliaster: 👁️👻💥😨🌙🕷️🌹🌌📣mouse trap👑🎵🎡🔫📎💧❤️💌 SORRY ITS TOO MUCH feel free to skip questions if u want im just 👉👈

FINALLY....AFTER ALMOST A YEAR... I have answered this. 😎<333

I wrote this all up in a note app so I guess that's why the text size is inconsistent, sorry for that! >_< (edit: I figured it out and fixed it yayyy)

-

👁️ EYE - what colour are their eyes? do people notice their eyes? is there anything special about them (shows emotion easily, literally magical…)?

Golden! And since their eyes are big, so people do notice them easily (but I guess that's also because asura heads are also usually big)... Also! They glow in the dark. 😏 It starts as soon as dawn/dusk/any slight darkening... (realistically they just reflect light but hhhh glowy eyes pog)

👻 GHOST - do they believe in ghosts? what are their “ghostly experiences”, if any?

They do! I mean yeah since ghosts exist in Tyria They did see some even when they were traveling the world, but the number of ghost sightings greatly increased in Elona (*coughs* The Desolation). They usually don't care/bother though so they don't have any experiences to speak of.

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

Hmm maybe grief? Like... they can deal with it but pretty badly as they haven't learned to mourn properly since they never had the "chance".

😨 FEARFUL - when scared, do they go into “flight” or “fight”?

Fight! 💥 They're ready to throw hands at the slightest spook anytime.

🌙 MOON - what is your oc’s greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

Hmmm I guess at the core of them, "be the wisest necromancer of all time" is the one. They almost straight up died for it once (days of starving in the prisons of Gandara just so they could learn necromancy from Joko), so yeah they're willing to go pretty far. 😈

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

They're terrified of any kind/amount of memory loss. While some people may fear being forgotten, Gliaster fears forgetting.

Mundane fears, mostly...sand sharks! More specifically, getting jumpscared and eaten by a sand shark.

🌹 ROSE - do they like valentines day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?

They don't really care for it; they love their beloved every 365 day of the year!  Plus, they prefer surprises; affection and gifts are best when they're unexpected and not "ohh I bought you this because it's x day."

And yes to both! Gliaster is (Rick Astley voice) no stranger to love and has been on both end of confessions.

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

My inspiration was my love for Joko and Elona, which kickstarted breaking Gliaster out of the shackles of being the Commander and turned them into my 100% "original" character! But I remember the very first thing I decided about them was their gender.❤️ I looked at asura and went wow I want what they have. I instantly knew Gliaster would have none of any gender.

📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?

Even though it sounds nice and appealing, their voice is quite high-pitched, which is something they're insecure about (and the older they get the more insecure they get as well). I do not have a spoken voice claim, only sung one, but it is Aneela Mirza! Some might know her from the 90's europop duo Toy-Box, lol.

Here's an example video I made btw hehehe

🪤 MOUSE TRAP - what will always lure them into certain danger? a loved one in danger? a promise of something they are always searching for?

Oh yes, a loved one in danger for sure... But also some source of knowledge that is thought to be very valuable. They try to think rationally and be careful if a suspicion of a bait ever happens (knowing well they're not-so-liked in some areas) but god do their emotions and curiosity get the better of them sometimes...

👑 CROWN - what does your oc want to be remembered as? why?

Definitely the books they write post-Joko, which is something no one really has done before (especially not from Gliaster's POV, who knew Joko intimately for 10 years)

They also want to be remembered for their necromancer skills, because it's something they've honed all their life.

🎵 MUSIC NOTE - what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?

N/A for the first part of the question, but yee I have few songs like that!

"Whenever Wherever" by Shakira is their theme song (like the lyrics "Lucky that I love a foreign land for / the lucky fact of your existence" is sooooo perfect)

"Dancing with the Dead" by Powerwolf is pog as well (The whole thing just inspires me to really turn them into the next expansion villain lmao)

And any song that comes from their voiceclaim! (especially non-english songs)

🎡 FERRIS WHEEL - are they someone who wants to kiss at the top of the ferris wheel?

Not particularly want, but if it happened, they wouldn't mind... 😏 (They're not really a fan of cheesy stuff like that anyway)

🔫 PISTOL - do they trust people easily? how easily will they turn their back to someone? have they been backstabbed before? will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

Nope! They turn their back hardly, and if they do so, their back will be covered. They're prepared for everything because they believe that anything they have done (for example, treason and murder :^)) could also be done to them. And yes as mentioned, they would betray someone (and did before) but only by their own decision and not an outside control.

📎 PAPERCLIP - a random fact.

They're polyamorous!

(Not a fun fact to you personally hehe but might be for people who read this. 👀 :3c)

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon

They usually cope with bad stuff with overworking themself.❤️ Also when Joko dies they just fall ill/sick from the initial depression/grief . :^)

❤️ RED HEART - their love language(s)?

Quality time and touch. <3

💌 LOVE LETTER - do they like love letters? what kind of messages do they leave for their partner?

They find the concept of long, heartfelt letters too cheesy but they do like leaving short notes around for Joko to find. Stuff like "I went to check on the Bonestrand people, will be back soon, don't miss me too much <3" Tyrian post-it shenanigans LMAO

[bald-jpg]

Hello!!!

i just joined today, was wanting to kinda introduce myself? i used to use twitter until i came across some.. (how do i put this) *unlikely people*. they wern't too welcoming. joined tumblr cause it seemed like the polar opposite to twitter. seemed more.. friendly.

I thought i'd write down all the things i like, such as: anime, videogames, art, music, animation, game development(?), i dont like anime that consists of harems, loli's that are 123876128736213~years old, or sauna/shower scenes of said people, or just fan service in general. i find them disgusting, im just not that kind of person.

i like sadbox games like Garrys Mod and FPS shooters like TF2, im not really into open world RPG's or MMO's cause im easily overwhelmed. if i could draw i would, my motor controls are trash though and i'm VERY inconsistent.

i make music, i use the free version of serato studio, i have no money :( i use to make stick animations using that one app on mobile, i was kinda good. i'd make video games if i could, i cant really wrap my head around the whole "coding" thing.

some music i've made, took me ages to make it:

[girlwithspiralnotebooks]

july 15th - 1:38am

i had originally tried to write my feelings out on the last subject section of an old five-subject notebook i had been using to study japanese. however, it felt wrong to etch sad words onto something i had worked so hard on. my inconsistent handwriting and wavering wrist also demotivated me from continuing, along with the tears that rapidly kept falling down my face.

if i cry on my keyboard-- which i wont, because i am laid down on my bed like a school girl with my laptop a good distance away from my wet eyes-- i can just wipe the tears away. if those tears fell on my notebook, the blobs will pick the ink up off the page and ruin a beautiful attempt at being poetically sad. maybe the tear marks would've enhanced it? i guess it depends on who you ask.

i think im going through a break up. somethings wrong in my relationship, and i think it might be me. however, its not all me, and my girlfriend is taking advantage of that. i think she is making my faults appear grander, and anytime she makes a mistake, its simply something i've conjured in my head. i don't understand. i do not think we are happy.

we get sad and cry and argue and i try to end things but within the same night everything goes back to normal and we are together again. i do not understand. tonight seems to be the first night it won't be that way any longer, but honestly, im not too sure. we are very attached to one another. we always end up back together. if we do, i probably won't write here ever again. if we stay apart, i will be here often. something about this time feels different. i feel like today shifted something.

i never understood tumblr. i had an account when i was younger but i never understood how to work it. im not sure what drove me to open my laptop and open a tumblr account and write all my feelings down here.

i think its because there exists the possibility i will be heard. i never feel heard with my girlfriend. as opposed to notion or my notes app, at least one day there exists the chance someone will run into this and peek through my mind and see what im thinking. maybe they'd just keep scrolling by. i dont mind though. why would you care? still, though. maybe you're listening. are you listening? i wish she listened to me.

[twistedyapping]

my relationship with tumblr

i feel like i should do a yapping session bc i havent in a while and this topic keeps popping up in my brain so im gonna take u thru a journey of what my relationship with tumblr has been like for the last. Eons.

to start, right now i fucking love tumblr so much- i have genuinely never enjoyed posting on an app more and like don't get me wrong im sure this one has its issues, as does every social media app, but this one to me is at least the most tolerable.

my relationship with ig is mid at best, i like it but it's kinda lame and posting on it???? Bro i post like MAYBE once a year at best.

my relationship with twitter is pure hate and also non-existent bc i got so sick and tired of it that i caved and uninstalled it like a month or so ago and haven't wanted to go back on it since.

my relationship with tiktok is also mid at best, posting is closer to a chore tbh even though i dont do it regularly at all- i also get stressed trying to keep up with reach and stuff so i kinda just dont 😵‍💫

my relationship with facebook is non-existent.

my relationship with pinterest??? God bless that app but i dont post on it- i just go there for editing content and silly content, that's it.

This app tho??? God bless. I barely even scroll on it- i mostly come here to post, which makes it the only one of it's kind on my phone (90% posting, 10% scrolling)

but when i do scroll on it, it's so refreshing- i just see pretty space pics and stuff bc that's what i wanna see. i dont see argument after argument or cancellable offense after cancellable offence like on twitter, i dont see lame stupid stuff that im not interested in like on ig, and i dont get over/understimulated out of my mind like on tiktok.

However! This was not always the case for me with tumblr. in fact, it used to be quite the opposite!!!!

i used to hate tumblr with every fiber of my being- if i ever came to it, it was out of desperation. desperation for silly content (which funnily enough is kinda what drove me back to it after all these years)

it was overcomplicated, i hated the vibe of everything i saw, i hated how public it felt, etc- But ofc this was way back when i had a horrifically foggy head on my shoulders and barely knew who i was so 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

it felt claustrophobic for me back then, like literally somehow- and now it feels very comfy and i love the idea of just sitting down and writing a post on astrology or posting my image edits or even my fallout photography or sumn-

it just feels like the perfect place for me somehow- Like i can write abt whatever, write abt astrology, post photography, post edits, look at space stuff, whatever!!! it makes me feel more like an artist bc it gives me a space to do everything i wanna do

and omg dont even get me STARTED on the customization for each blog u can have BROOOOOOOOOO that's literally my favorite part- i fucking LOVE changing my whole blog's vibe down to the FONT dude it genuinely makes me so happy 😭😭😭😭😭

and who knows!!!! i might even end up with another blog at some point for like writing short stories or something bc i do love doing that- definitely wouldn't fit in with this yapping blog tho But another blog means another one to customize!!!! Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

and my posts on here- well not so much on this blog tbh i think i havent found the right tags yet But on my other 2, my posts actually do pretty well, especially the astrology one- and it's such a switch from ig's shitty algorithm and tiktok's inconsistency-

this one is actually like. Kind of consistent. and it makes me feel like im doing something right by posting here tbh and probably even if my posts did ass, i would still make them- bc like. It's fun. 😮‍💨

anyway ya that's abt it- i wanted to do a yapping session before bed yknow- this one's a little shorter than most But that's ok 🥳🥳

- 🌙 -