#im very much in the phase of my life where im starting to understand my parents as human beings and it's been. interesting

[tytoalbatross]

fictional parents. yes i will analyze them in a way that is true to canon and not in the way that mirrors what my relationship to my Own parents is like, currently. surely not

[anonymouscheeses]

more obvious shit I wanted to point out but it's more than last time uhhh pt.2 (spoilers for dad beat dad and maybe welcome to heaven. Maybe?)

I love that Charlie just randomly goes into demon form sometimes like here ehhehehe. Also can I just say I love Charlie so much?? She is my favorite and I love her especially in this episode because it feels like the same optimistic Charlie but she was just put in a bad situation. I relate to her a bit TOO much, almost down to every detail like wow. You'll understand later once I get there. But just wow...

LOOK AT THIS FUNNY LITTLE MAN. SPOODER DUST <3 also. Live [image] reaction. Someone make that into a reaction image 🙏🙏

HONEY!!! NEW MEME TEMPLATE JUST DROPPED. (Aka the one guy going crazy trying to explain the stuff on the board iykyk)

OMG... THAT CANT BE CHARLIE... NOT CHARLIE'S EMO PHASE PLEASE BAHAHAHHAHAHA (also love that Lucifer has kept it all these years, if Charlie knew I think she'd be extremely embarrassed. Vaggie would love it probably xd)

HE IS SO GOOFY I CANT- I LOVE HIM SO MUCH ALREADY!!! NEED.

Broskie got character development and is NICE?!? I LOVE THAT SMMM YALL.... LOOK AT HIM!! I am very delusional yes, but I will take this over ass development(cough. Vaggie's "story" in ep 3. Cough).

Imagine this. *holds your hand carefully to help you calm down while talking to your father you haven't really wanted to talk to.* lesbian type stuff ngl 🤯 (relatable)

Angel looking at the gays while being a gay too. HE'S BEING SO KIND TO CHARLIE UGGHH I CANTTT!!(POS) NODDING HIS HEAD, SMILING TO HER, ALSO TRYING TO HELP CALM HER DOWN. I MAY BE ASS AT SOCIAL CUES BUT I NOTICED THIS ONE!! YAA

*SHE IS STILL HOLDING HER HAND. CHARLIE'S ALSO SWINGING IT AROUND NERVOUSLY. I can never get tired of them and will make art soon just you wait.*

COMMANDER VAGGIE! I love that she acts like this is a camp full of tiny kids and honestly? That's not too far off. Sir pentious is at the ready! (glad he's here more often in the episode, thought he would just get sidelined after his first episode but gladly no!) Angel is just surprised. Husk spilled his drink, ON WHITE FUR NO LESS! Niffty of course is on the floor face first. Charlie is just happy to be there yippee!

What is this?? I have no idea what the hell it is at all. Bro is just peepin- it doesn't look like Alastor, even in demon form. And... I can't think of anyone else who could be this. Anyone have ideas or maybe it's foreshadowing? Maybe it was revealed in the 6th episode I don't know I haven't watched it yet. (I am a freak. I don't binge I give myself a day to watch a single episode. Most of the time uhhh.)

WE LOVE A SHORT KING. I LOVE THAT. I LOVE HIM. THE EVERYTHING. HE IS EVERYTHING. LET ME STRANGLE HIM PLEASE. (Lillith and Lucifer's dynamic is 100% Gomez and Morticia but a little more silly short man)

"OH WOW! AN OLDER MAN WHO GIVES ME FATHERLY CARE!" *STARTS TO FUCKING CRY*

I FEEL YOU CHARLIE WAAAGHHH

Oh and there goes the silly guy again! Atp I'm thinking it may be the gal some people been talking about that they've been hinting since the pilot. I forgot her name but she's said to be the big bad of season 1 or probably 2. Not sure if that's what it's trying to imply but here's my little no-thought idea

Lucifer, no...

LUCIFER NO!! THIS IS SUCH AN ADORABLE RESPONSE TO CHARLIE DATING A WOMAN. (ADOPT ME)

AND THEN THE HUG! I GET IM LOOKING TOO MUCH INTO THIS ONE SILLY SCENE BUT I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH AND WANT THIS SO BAD IN MY LIFE.

Niffty really said, "Yes, I do the cleaning."

Get yourself a taller king who is a short king but compared to you is a tall king

Say what you will, but I genuinely want more dad Alastor, someone make an au before I do plsss and @ me 🙏🙏

alright.. now this is where it starts to be relatable and hurt my heart... yayy.... needing any sort of parent figure that actually cares about you than the actual parent who is rarely there? WOWZA! SAME CHARLIE <3 <3 (SO FAR VERY ACCURATE FROM SOMEONE THAT IS IN THE SAME SITUATION)

Alastor is letting her off kindly, atleast in his way. He may be pissed off she brought a shark gang to the hotel and put it on fire, but they were still close friends. With anyone else he would absolutely either murder them or have severely traumatized the person. She's the exception, although I don't think he'd let it off the hook so easily if there were a next time.

A father-daughter embrace! :,)

(This is gonna be messy asf) He wants to know who she is as a person. He always has, and that's definitely obvious, but from a person inside this, they may not know themselves what the other is thinking. To Charlie it was like he never cared and just wanted an excuse to not see her again, acting like he was truly busy as in the start where he made the rubber duck that breathed fire. Sure. But Charlie saw it as him finding ways to not interact with her again. The only times they talk was when it was related to business stuff or other things of the sort. Let me just say this song... is by far my favorite, including the episode. Sure, it's got problems it's own, but this extremely accurate portrayal of what my own situation with one of my parents just stole my entire soul. Yeah I got a bit of tears about to come out, BUT NOPE! NOT TODAY! I don't ever cry during shows or movies so if I ever get teary-eyed, YOU DID SOMETHING. THAT SOMETHING BEING GOOD. This episode was emotional and connected with me on a deep level that I dont think any film has ever done to me, which is weird because I've been actively trying to find one, any one that does. Then to find it in an indie company from a creator who has achieved the dreams that I myself want to one day? That's fucking amazing.

FORESHADOWING! FROESHADOWING! FORESHADOWING! VAGGIE EX-ANGEL THEORY MUST BE CANON AND IF ITS NOT I WILL TEAR MYSELF LIMB FROM LIMB WITH A CROWBAR. LETS GO TO HEAVENNN!!! TOMORROW! BECAUSE THE DAY I PUBLISH THIS WILL BE TOMORROW(FOR YOU TODAY) BUT TOMORROW FOR YOU ILL POST THE NEXT WHAT I CAUGHT SHENANIGANS AGAIN! SEE YA!

[mushroomjeremy]

I have been holding on to this design for a little while now. Thinking about how best to deliver how I changed the character and if I did enough.

I really want to get to clearing my 'to post' folder out. So I guess its better now than never.

This is Dr. Jair Shimmer a rewrite for SCP 963. Ignore that this is almost the exact same design in my Clight artwork; I liked the design so I kept it.

His main gimmick is that he study cursed object not just 963. He wears many curse object regardless of moral or ethical reasons against it. His office is chalk full of them, enter at your own caution.

SCP 963 isnt to much changed from base one, only thing is the souls in the amulet can be retrieve. Very hard thing to do and Shimmer needs to do that action all on there own and he kinda does not care to do that.

I do want to make more bodies for Shimmer but Im very busy and Im scared to draw women.

Past Keep Reading is just headcanons (do I even call them that at this point?)

The amulet is made of out silver, Red Beryl/Bixbite, and different colored sapphires.

While I am using He/Him in this post, Shimmer is a genderfluid, pansexual, panromantic with any pronouns as long as your not taking the piss out of him

Despite shipping war, Shimmer is with Glass, Clef, and Kondraki. Sometime all at once.

He use to be cautious around cursed objects, but after 963 he started to become reckless knowing he'd always come back after the Foundation found him

963 works a little differently on how is possess someone. All it needed was an initial soul trap and the next person to pick it up will be possessed. If Shimmer kills themselves the curse is kinda broken, he would just be in the amulet and the next person to pick it up is the knew host.

So Able is out of the story.

Shimmer just touched it and became the host.

How he found out about SCP 963 abilities is a informant apart of a different GoI stabbed him in the back cause they thought Shimmer was getting to close to figuring out why they were in the Foundation in the first place

Shimmer went to Deer College to get a degree in Magic and Curses

Shimmer can see, read, and understand magic in objects and crystals but he himself is not a wizard/witch/Type Blue/ect.

He's a lot calmer here with a stern voice, though he still tells jokes when he feel in danger. Force of habit.

I wanted to keep this as I think it gives some good worldbuilding to the Foundation daily life. He does facilitate a betting ring for literally anything. You could put a bet on if the kitchen will be destroyed in the next breach or not.

Shimmer likes to see the personnel fight when bets don't go their way.

Where is Shimmer get money to pay back people? Who knows.

Shimmer has yet to see the gravity of immortality. He's in the phase of getting sick of dying but still careless with his bodies and "clones."

Oh yeah the Clones! How the amulet after a month could be taken off and put on another person? Well the Foundation uses that to their benefit instead of killing them. More bodies that can work on higher clearance levels stuff.

Shimmer can take of the amulet before the end of the month and still retain his body.

I also wanted to keep the Personnel Director position. I like him having all the information on the Personnel of the Sites he is place in. It could cause tension between characters if they fine out about Shimmer knowing those things or it could show how much they care about friends with this information. Example for both: Clef

I want to do the rest of the Family as well but its still a wip. But I will say I wanted to explore ableism as a defining problem for the family in its dysfunction

If I remember or figure out anymore I'll come back here maybe.

[a-b-riddle]

Hey, i hope you've had a good day so far/will have a good day. And i hope you get better soon <3

Im sorry if this is considered trauma dumping and if u wanna ignore this, totally understandable ! Im just very very lost and idk what to do so i thought it wouldn't hurt to ask for advice ?

Im about to be 25 y/o in july and ive only had one relationship (circa 2019) that lasted a year and then fizzled out (i found out later that it was bcz i was getting cheated on) and I haven't met anyone or connected with anyone ever since. I moved into a new city too after finishing university and i have no friends or social circle in this new town (i still keep in contact with my friends from my old city but it kinda feels like every relationship i have is slowly dying) and i feel like I'm stuck in this limbo place where no matter how much i try i always feel like life is passing by infront of my eyes and i haven't lived it yet (idk if that makes sense) so i was wondering if you have any advice how get out this mindset ?

Thank you for at least reading this if u did, im sorry if i triggered you or if i burdened you with my feelings, and i wish you all the best ❤️

I met my now fiance a little under four weeks before I turned 25. Before him, I had gotten my heart broken and I was just done with hooking up with someone and expecting more, but that meant not being in the same phase as my friends who still wanted that.

When we started dating I had to come to face the hard reality that not all of my friendships were healthy and not everyone I was friends with were people I should have in my life for more than a season. So I had to sit and take a hard look at my life. Keep these college friends I've had for almost four years... Or start from scratch?

So starting from scratch, I started with one person. My fiance. I liked him. I respected his morals and his ethic. I loved how kind he was to others and always the one to lend a hand. So with him, I made friends with his friends and their girlfriends. Because my fiance was a good person, he often kept the same company.

So with him I found people that I could see having in our lives for more than just a season. Through loss and triumphs. To celebrate and to grieve with.

Now I'm using my fiance just as an example, but you don't need a romantic partner to do this. You can start with one person. And even if it doesn't go beyond that, you still have a person. You still made one new connection with another soul that you wouldn't have done before.

My dad found his own community with his coworkers. My mom found hers with those who have lost a child. My sister found hers in cosplay. My other sister found hers with those who had the same area of study. I found friends through a facebook group that loved the ACOTAR series that lived in my major city. I found one of my closest friends on bumble bff.

Unfortunately, relationships are the hardest things in life we will ever have to work for because it's not just about creating them, but maintaining them, and enriching them with personal experiences to help them grow. We just assume since they had come so easily when we were in tight knit circles like high school and college they come easily.

But as adults, we have to find new ways to engage and that is a scary thing to do when it's not something we've done before. So the first step to stop existing and start living is to connect.

Volunteer. Join clubs. Reach out. Engage. As someone who has a constant fear of being rejected, it is terrifying. But the worst thing anyone can ever say to you is no. The world won't stop. You'll survive it. Buy from it, you move on.

Another recommendation I have is to listen to The Last Lecture.

It is an hour long, but the ending always gets me. Basically lecturers at Carnegie Mellon would give "last lectures." It was the last lecture they would give working in academics at the university. When asked what his Last Lecture would be about Professor Randy Pausch basically said, "funny you should ask. I have pancreatic cancer and have about six months left so this really is my last lecture."

[lottiepumpkinofficial]

Day 8

Chap’s 21, 22, 23

ahh i know we’re only doing a few chapters a day but it feels like were simultaneously going so fast and also taking our time, it’s mad to me that we’re in the 20s now but i usually read up in less than a day

for lottie, someone who couldn’t necessarily afford fancy things when she was younger to get a bursary to rosewood where she would (i assume) be getting very fancy free food available 24/7, and then on top get a job where not only would she be getting paid, but she would also have all travel, clothes and non term time food just arranged for her?? that’s huge- like she essentially would never have to pay for anything essential, and would be able to buy other things she wanted too

“‘when you inevitable have to tell everyone that you’re, in fact, not the princess of Maradova’” let me just cry now thinking about how that happens

“‘we have to promise no more secrets’” that aged badly

it makes me so sad that lottie immediately wants to impress jamie, her self esteem in book 1 in general makes me really sad. especially as someone who really relates to lottie, and since i’ve done a lot of work to improve my self esteem it just breaks my heart when her go to attitude is to impress others as if they’re all inherently better than her

onto part two!

ahhh the insomnia phase. weirdly enough this is one of my favourite parts of all the books. it just seems to capture the everyday life, making it feel really beautiful while showing us it’s not perfect. idk something about it gets me

ellie waking up extra early despite not being a morning person just to keep lottie company is one of the sweetest things she does in these books

oooh a big juicy bit of foreshadowing with claude

i love that lottie has such a childish wonder about her- even with everything that goes on in her life she still gets so excited about things and doesn’t deny her inner child joy (this is also one of the reasons i think she’s neurodivergent, not that this is indicative of a diagnosis, just a common trait)

okay i know we talk about it but we’re all still sleeping on japhael- “like Ellie, this was the first friend outside the Maravish family that Jamie had ever made.” i know friends can be friends, but to compare their friendship, to the very already romantically coded ‘friendship’ of ellie and lottie almost sets it up for us

lottie you should know better than to think jamie doesn’t know everything

‘little princess’ this nickname makes me very emotional every time

hehehe october time, i love autumnal descriptions in books

PUMPKIN BREAD AND WHITE MOCHA omg the library cafe snacks sound the best i have to make this at some point (fun fact if you don’t know me- i love baking, and cinnamon, and autumn and i’m rambling okay don’t ever get me started on autumnal snacks if you want me to be quiet)

nonononono not the ellie saskia crush pls no it’s almost worse to me than chapter 16 i hate it

ani so hates the ellie saskia thing as well, i’m with you ani, keep being a hater

princess and the pea- boom- ani understands lottie so well - she loves a fairytale themed hint

“‘Lottie, why didn’t you tell me?’” how’s the no secrets going for you lottie

ugh i hate that saskia tutors lottie but at the same time i adore it bc i love saskia

actually i wanna ramble about saskia. she’s one of my favourite characters, and i love her so much, but the way she acts at the start of book 1??? flirting with another girl right in front of her girlfriend?? come on. i know they’re having their issues, but her whole thing is she’ll do anything for ani, except clearly not flirt with other girls. maybe im being a bit harsh, she’s only 15, but if you’re old enough to be in a terrorist organisation, you’re old enough to not flirt with other people when you’re in a monogamous relationship

[ambroseandmox]

Hm.

Personal rambling under the cut.

I've been having gender dysphoria again, after several years without it.

I'm talking full blown crisis over not having a dick. It's not as bad as it has been before, but the desperate feeling of being wrong is there.

I've never liked having breasts, and I actually have been trying to get medically cleared for breast reduction surgery for decades, but apparently I need to be skinny to qualify, and losing weight makes the back pain unbearable. For a very long time, I assumed the bad feelings I have about my body were from the combination of being fat (and teased mercilessly for it as a kid) and having seriously big boobs (and even more mercilessly teased for that). I have lived my whole life in huge shirts to try and hide it, but I now think I have far deeper issues than that.

But I also don't want to transition. I want nothing to do with beards or body hair. I usually lean towards wishing I could be androgynous, but that doesn't fit quite right either.

I never had a huge sense of "I can't be female" as a kid. I preferred boy toys a lot of the time, but I still played with dolls as well as cars. I was always a tomboy in that I loved pro wrestling and preferred playing with boys to talking about them and doing makeup with the girls. As I got older, I began to realize that I am definitely on the asexual spectrum, so I thought that was it.

I have, more than once, been mistaken for a guy. And it has always felt bad - shameful. So I don't think I'm fully trans? But I think the shame is more that I have failed to perform femininity adequately, if that makes sense.

I don't know. I'm rambling. There are times where I love having long hair and wearing cute fuzzy purple sweaters with skinny jeans. But there are also times where I want to cut my hair short and bind and wear jeans and combat boots. Just this morning I found myself standing in my kitchen with my arms folded and cursing that I had boobs in the way. When I feel more masculine I even move differently, stand differently, I stand taller and take up more space, but when I feel more feminine, I curl up small when sitting and relax my posture. Is this what it feels like to be genderfluid?

I also have chronic pain so I don't often feel connected to my body. Is that why the gender feels come and go? Would I be more aware of it if I didn't dissociate from the physical quite so much? Or is it truly a once every five year phase? I have no idea.

Is dropping back into a Batfam place - which is a very male-centred thing - a reason why I'm feeling like this now? Or is it because I've started lifting weights (to rehab a shoulder injury) and getting into some fitness stuff making me think more about the physical form? Because I've started looking into breast reduction surgery seriously again (and im willing to pay out of pocket if I have to)?

I don't know if any of this ties together. Most of the time I just feel like a brain in a meat suit and I don't particularly care what it's form is. It's strange to have gender feelings at all, but sometimes they show up, I guess. And like I said, I think the last time I had a dysphoric period was in 2017-2018, and it faded. Since then I've had some periods of feeling feminine, but usually no gender feels at all.

I like feeling like I understand things, so being so unsure about all this is maddening. But I guess I don't need to figure it all out. But I also feel like I can't talk to people in my real life about it until I DO have at least some of it figured out. I'm not out to anyone at all. And I needed a place to get some of this out.

[starfruit-baby]

What is the difference between Leo Manfred and Gavin Reed in your opinion? Like, why do you think Leo is worthy of redemption and not Gavin?

I don't like Gavin, and I didn't like Leo either, but your posts are making me think

in retrospect, i guess 'redeemable' wasnt the right word and im sorry for using it, since technically, as far as canon is concerned, we never see concrete proof he truly sees androids as equals, much less regrets any harm done by his own hands and words. right now i think the word i could use would be "sympathetic", since what we CAN do is walk through his backstory, and connect the dots from his life to his current thinking, even if it doesn't necessarily excuse his actions, far from even. by now im gonna be talking from an utterly biased perspective so its not quite set in stone, im prone to fucking up what is or isnt canon or weighing in personal judgement from My preferences, so just a heads up, but going a little more into it:

like, putting yourself in his shoes, he was a child of a fling, and his rich father although comfortable enough to openly claim him, did not bother to visit him personally until he was a teenager, an already difficult phase for the average person, only to be met with scorn because by this time in his life, he found solace in the wrong crowd and vices. and from this point on trying to get closer to his father is useless because of something so difficult to change in yourself.

and then, once disabled, Carl gets a machine to help him around, which is normal at this point in time. but, as the game makes it seem at least, carls whole behaviour changes gradually, because he talks to markus, and this angry (at least as far as Leo is aware), pessimistic old man is caught smiling, because of this machine. he chats with it. and now, hes walking into his father guiding this thing into his fathers very passion. this, as far as Leo is concerned, common object, a household facility like a toaster, is getting lessoned proudly by his father, who loses all the shine in his eyes once he walks in, goes back to his sarcastic, bitter old tone, and will grow aggressive if you even speak ill of the thing. and, later on, Carl talks about his own son as if he's not there in the room, ordering around his toaster to deal with you as if to not get his hands dirty. dirty with You being in his way. his own blood.

now, again, does this excuse his behavior? nope. even in the belief that Markus is truly an unfeeling object, at the very last moment before Markus is forced to decide between obeying or not, he starts referring towards Markus as something that could be physically hurt, and emotionally provoked. where previously his mockery of Markus felt more about provoking his father, not addressing Markus directly, the time he decides to pick a fight with Markus he's talking TO him. hes speaking as if this theoretically unfeeling being could either fear or be angry at him (which turns out, he can), but its difficult to tell if hes under some sort of influence or not, or if this egging on is still in part more to dash back his frustrations at Carl in a less direct manner. his love for the old man stops him from wanting to lay a hand on him, but he knows with how clear the guy makes it he cares for this android, how he yells, itll still inflict Something to tear this thing apart.

now, i may be wrong here, and im real sorry if i sound like a douche for it, but i dont personally consider too much the actors headcanons as full canon, and Gavins background according to the game is really uh... unclear? i can understand how people get to the conclusion his workplace ambition is what makes him hate androids, hell do Anything to get to the top, but a lot of what people attribute as being the motivation behind it i find kinda... idk, circumstancial? im not saying improbable, but my post was more about how people latched on to him when theres way less explanation and even content to him than Leo does? my last guess is that people plain and simple found him sexier than Leo

from My perspective, the closest we get to a Leo redemption is if Carl dies, and he comes across Markus mourning his father as well. the first time i saw this i thought there would be a fight, that he would scream and yell that it was all Markus' fault, even when he knows it wasnt, how dare this fucking thing even show itself in a cemetary. but he just... looks on. in shock. what he deemed something slightly above a glorified toaster is there, when he shouldnt even be. the fruits of his fathers time invested in this android. in his bonding. this thing that shouldve been dismantled in a junkyard somewhere, completely useless, now overwhelming the news talking about civil rights. and this is where he gets it. this thing understands the concept of grief, its clearly feeling it. Markus looks sad. a cold and calculating machine would understand theres no point in visiting a stone with some decaying corpse underneath it, death is final. wouldnt bother making the time to visit this unremarkable place while its on the brink of raging a war. but it did. the same as he was about to do. fucked up

on an alternate where Carl survives, most of what Leo says goes more towards the favor of his father than mentioning the android. we dont know if he knows anything of what happened with Markus at all, so its hard to draw a conclusion, but the game certainly feeds some hope that after this horrible event they can mend back. he promises to do what he can to get rid of what, as far as he knows, is what truly keeps Carl from loving him. no more ugly addiction. who knows, maybe theres a chance for growth. maybe if he really wants to, Leo could give in to seeing Markus as something equal, if thats what would make his dad not hate him.

and, with Gavin... he either leaves on a corny joke, beats up Connor, or gets beaten up. which i certainly see the appeal of, but definitely doesnt scream "no longer sci-fi racist"/"only mildly, acceptably sci-fi racist" to me, but to each their own

[single-malt-scotch]

regarding thoughts on secret life mechanics

SO there are a lot more mechanics going on this season than i realized bc not all of it was mentioned. ill list out what i know/heard:

the tasks, of course. you complete it and you get: 10 hearts and/or rare items. if you have enough room for the 10 hearts, you dont get items. its like an overflow. if you dont finish your task nothing happens. if you fail the task you lose 10 hearts. you can role for a harder task which gives more hearts (? 20?)

you have 30 hearts for each life. imo better to phrase it as you have 30 hearts for each phase-- green is 1, yellow is 2, red is 3. you cannot regen.

you can gift one heart only one time per session.

you can enchant anything with whatever enchant and whatever level, no limits (but no helmets as always)

i have not watched every pov and only heard this from martyn's so correct me if i explained this one wrong: you can get mob eggs, which allow you to make a spawner out of them?

thats... every one that i know of and boy thats so much more than i thought. for the last one, i saw mumbo get an egg but i just thought it was a one off spawn and a rare item from the secret keeper.

most of my criticism for the Life series comes from mechanics because its what ultimately makes the season feel good. it directs how ppl play and act.

third life was exactly what it needed to be for a first season- simple.

LL brought in an active threat, and proper desperation (boogeys were killing and made it hard to trust, more lives with the ability to gift meant getting for more in order to stay alive).

While while DL wasnt at the top of my list after 3L and LL its concept was still simple and they didnt add more to complicate what was already a tough concept to handle-- two players health tied to each other.

limlife is where i started to feel a little off with the mechanics and how it made people play. it was just one new thing (like DL) with just the boogey again, otherwise it was a timer controlling life. its cool but that concept was too complicated imo and even from a technical view it was a bit broken/hard to manage. it was a strong force to make people kill but the consequences of dying got a bit too intense, and the behavior become chaotic to where the killing methods were insanely op. it was imo, hard to follow once the numbers got too low and things were just going back and forth of losing and gaining time.

now we are on SL and i know we are only one episode in so im not hating on it- just observing this series of mechanics... the new mechanics are tasks, giving one heart per person, 30 hearts w no regen, and these spawn egg things (armor enchants are not a mechanic exactly just an adjustment). this is sooooo much stuff!! i was really hoping it would just be 30 no regen hearts and maybe one other thing. because i already feel like the gifting one heart this is kind of pointless? one heart? thats like. nothing. i have little knowledge on this spawn egg stuff but i am trying to understand why its a thing, if its a task thing i think its still kind of unnecessary?? idk.

imo this season should have had one of the things: 30 hearts w no regen (w 3 life phases) or just the tasks (with some kind of tie to lives, but not the former mentioned). honestly the task thing as cool as it is, starts to make this all feel more convoluted when it starts to stack up with more and more. i dont feel like we're focused on the system of limited lives as much and its because the way you gain and lose lives becomes more complicated and in many cases the gaining and losing of hearts is so.... quick? you dont seem to stay on one of those phases for very long before you manage to get back up, there isnt really a limit of saying "nope! you cant have more!" like there was for LL when people who had another life were losing them and eventually ppl had no one to ask for more, and boogey's didnt make you gain more either ya know? Limlife let you gain more time but youd die and lose some, but then go right back and get more, with no limit to it. now, you gain a whole ten hearts which seems like way too much? and you can again just do more tasks to get more hearts without anything stopping you.

the point of this series imo is the intensity of having no way or very limited ways to get more lives and in the end, facing the fact you cannot get out of your red life. 3L kept it simple, LL made sure to stop you at some point, and DL just made it a little different but was basically the same as 3L. i think this is kind of my consensus on whats already making me unsure of this season.

[kiddosaurus]

(hi im so sorry i wanted to just agree with a point you made and then wrote a full rant feel free to ignore me/delete this ask)

I definitely agree about the average age feeling like it's dropping (I also think that's just the Internet as a whole, coming from someone who literally got their first tumblr account at 11. also think it's because kids don't lie about their ages as much anymore, like I was lying until I was at least 15 and still vague about it until I turned 18) and part of me gets a little concerned by it? like yeah, I definitely showed interest in things like agere once I hit puberty age but most of my actual age regressing/dreaming I've only done since I was 16 when I had gotten past the initial wave of that

maybe it's the old age (I'm literally 18 lol) but I do worry when I see super young people in this community about the effects that regressing may have on them and their future development? or at least when I see 13-14 year olds post saying they're looking for cgs like I get so scared some weirdo is going to see it and use it as an opportunity to gain some power over them or gain their trust because the kid is too young to be able to realise what's happening

i hope it's alright for me to respond to this, just lmk if you want me to delete this reply

i feel a lot of what you're saying tbh. i still try to be understanding towards the super young folks, as i myself was super young when i first discovered the agere community, but idk. i was 12 at the time, but my situation was fairly odd compared to most folks (at that point i was already well into puberty, and there were times where i was involuntarily regressing from stress and trauma long before i knew what agere was, and finding the community helped me put a name to my experiences), so even then it's still hard to understand a lot of the youngest people in the community now, as the reasons for them getting into it are VASTLY different than any of my own. im only a couple months short of 18, and it never fails to shock me how old this stuff makes me feel :')

i DEFINITELY agree on the whole thing about worrying over possible issues with development and safety, though. i do feel like there's a (for lack of a better way to describe it) "honeymoon phase" for a lot of young teens discovering something like this that makes them happy and helps them cope, where they put a huge focus on it in a ton of aspects of their life, and that's something they just gotta get outta their system before they start to even things out. however, i definitely worry about development for kids who don't seem to learn how to balance agere with the rest of their life; any coping mechanism (including the healthy ones) can become unhealthy if it takes over your life in ways that cause repeated stress or harm, which seems to be the case for a lot of young folks discovering agere.

the whole cg safety thing is valid too. seeing so many 13-14 year olds giving out tons of personal info to strangers in hopes that they'll find a cg that they've never even talked to always makes me anxious. i don't think there's anything wrong with them wanting someone like that in their lives, and i think there are ways to kind of explore that while still staying safe, but the way people actually go about it is worrying. like... when i was young and discovering agere, at least there were plenty of adults in the community who made an effort to teach younger folks how to stay safe with stuff like this, but that doesn't seem to be as much of a thing anymore since the demographic has shifted to be so young as a whole and there are way more teens than adults. 2017-2018 was a very different time compared to 2023.

im sorry that this reply got so long, this whole thing has just been on my mind and it's nice hearing someone who at least understands part of what im saying

[arthotsglasses]

Admin's Little Simp Diary

So yesterday yk suffering from "post Clavis Simping" phase, I found out about AI that create illustrations from the keywords you type in. My Twitch chat was telling me all about it and I got to use it.

And that moment, I completely lost it. my existence felt so useless, worthless, because some machine now has way better art skill and speed within seconds. Ai produces things that would take me so much time and effort to make. All my hard work to learn the skills, anatomy, perspective, etc, felt so useless. As a freshman college student trying to get a job in the art industry, I've been bombarded within the past few weeks of people telling me to apply to this and that, internships, competitions, projects, sooooo much work. I couldn't do it, I didn't feel good enough, I was devastated. I didn't know how I was gonna overcome this Ai thing and get a job. There is nothing that I can do better compared to the ai. I fell into this depressing moment of questioning my existence.

Chat asked me, if I exist to draw, and at first I said yes. But the more I think about it, I don't. I exist to simp, I genuinely enjoy that feeling of loving 2D anime boys.... and drawing/art is a method of simping where I can contribute to the content and fandom for my enjoyment.

spoilers for Clavis route below lel

Then Clavis came into my mind... he was born to face Chev who is literally a god, genius, gigachad. He can't be beaten in any skillful way. So ofc I can imagine how painful that would be. But, there was something that even Chev couldn't do. To be a decent compassionate human being. The imperfections of Clavis (aka humanity) having to work so hard to reach a certain level, caring for minority, and how he would go to die for some small amount of people, it made me realize that's who we are. We can't always make best decisions for the world, create the most technically correct art to perfection (Chev). But what really matters is what I want to do. idgaf if anyone else can be more dedicated to their 2D mans than me, what matters is the love and connection I feel towards them and how it makes me happy (but that is also really hard for me because my nature is very competitive and I hate it when anyone is better than me). because that's what separates us from Ai (till the day ai gets emotions and free will to destroy us all haha) but then again, I dont care if ai can simp better than me either. Not my problem good for you gl hf.

I love Chev, I think he is such a cool guy and literally good at everything yes. But I dont want to be him. I would rather be Clavis who enjoys life, face his fears, have insecurities, compassion, and selfishness to only give a fuck about his small group of people who he loves. So I'm starting to accept my fears and lack of ability as who I am and understand that that is a beautiful thing. Because I think Clavis as a person is beautiful. The vast scale of ups and downs of emotions I feel are what makes life joyful and appreciated. Plus, I always tend to forget that I don't always have to achieve grand massive world scale goals. Like Clavis, if I am happy, loved by people who I want to be loved by, care for the people who I care, that is enough. I can work at a small game studio just enough to feed myself and some spare change to simp, and Im good. that is enough for me and I think I can manage to do that much in life (because I have crippling anxiety that I will never get a job and starve to death homeless fr).

Come to realize it now, this is the reason why I felt Clavis' route so amazing yet painful. It made me uncomfortable but I took steps to reevaluate my world views and what matters most. and at the end of the day, I'm here on earth for a bit, so might as well enjoy it to the fullest. There are qualities of Clavis that makes me love him so much, and I also happen to have some the same qualities. So, why not love myself a bit too? It's gonna be a long journey and this is only a baby step for my self love, but I have some hope. He also said if you haven't given up, if you haven't died, you haven't lost. So, I will continue to try even if I fail, I will apply to those internships, competitions even if I dont win. And one day, I hope I can find someone like how Clavis found MC because oh boy did Clavis look so happy at the end. I believe I can reach that point one day too.

Just remember, answer to everything is to simp.

[parkjayssi]

heyy I'm Luna! My favourite color is Black, purple. Can you tell me about me and my favourite character's future or outcome together? My fav character is Kenma from haikyuu and rindou from tokyo revengers. (Choose any of them) Thank you!

Here's your exchange:

im choosing geto for you, he seems beet for you among them. I think you may meet him when you were going through an upside down phase in your life, too much stress, lack of time and money probelms to the point you won't know who you are. I see lots of paperworks scattered all over the floor. Water tab is on but you are careless. You are tired of keeling balance in your life. But suddenly he would come to you for help. I mean we all know he hates humans and calls them monkey why would he go for you? Well it was for purely work purposes. He wanted you on his team since you were done with humans as much as him he felt like maybe you could understand him. And together you both gained lots of things. Money wasn't a probelm. But there could be some conflict, since he's someone who works thinking about it for too long and you are very impulsive when it comes to some things. He might try to dominate you in some situation and you hate being dominated by someone else. At the end your past life cycle might come back again and it will start all over again. Trying to balance but can't and geto will redo everything from the start. The outcome may hurt you both in the process but it will be worth it.

thank you for joining and the reading! i honestly cannot see myself with geto if he would've been real cus he's quite manipulative, but then again, i love his character hahaha. i still find this as a very interesting take nonetheless so very thankful for your reading. anyways i'll be doing kenma for you (haikyuu! is literally my comfort anime)

YOUR STORY: the dynamic and your fate cards pulled : the empress, 8 of wands, queen of wands (rx)

ooh, seems like you got lucky with kenma because they totally have romantic feelings for you. kenma saw your nurturing qualities and definitely felt that "you're the one" for him. i sense intense attraction from the start, love at first sight, to be precise. also you both could meet at a place like a cafe, i'm seeing cat cafe, but that's probably because kenma resembles a cat. okay, with 8 of wands, you have the same level of energy matching him, falling for him immediately. you both may take the relationship a bit too fast and start dating after like, two dates. i also see both of you finding comfort in each other. soul family perhaps? this could be a holiday romance because i see both of you meeting each other at a time where you both are relaxing and enjoying your vacation. the last card actually suggests you both to take things slow, because one of you just healed from something and need some time to yourself. also, OPEN COMMUNICATION! IS A BIG FACTOR HERE! as long as this problem is addressed and you both are openly communicative with your needs, this may go well for the both of you. hope you liked your reading! please provide me feedback if you can. that helps a lot with increasing the quality of my readings

[alienaiver]

Hi Nohr, I hope I'm not being rude for asking but I read you have ARFID? What is it like for you? I think I may have it but Im afraid of 'self diagnosing' and being judged 😖

hiii sweetheart! ✨ youre not being rude at all, im very open about my issues and stuff, so ill be happy to talk to u about it !! (if u also wanna rant or open up abt ur situation more privately u can go off anon (if ur comfortable) and ill reply privately or thru dm's <3)

and yep, ive had arfid my entire life. its been different things that have been safe foods at different periods of my life !!

im putting the rest under a read more bcos i go into detail of my current restricted diet and stuff, so if that triggers anyone, they wont be forced to see it !! its also just a bit long lmao

rn its Very bad and the only things i can get thru my mouth is crushed corn flakes, gummy bears, a specific ice cream and on/off cucumbers. like ive eaten nothing else since sunday and very little of either. anything else i try makes me gag, nauseous or can even give me meltdowns if forced to eat. im dizzy all the time rn and very frustrated about it 🙂‍↕️ its also sooo embarrassing because like ??? my dude those safe foods are literally candy? and im afraid i seem like i just do it to eat candy but its not and i feel so ashamed 😭

i AM hungry tho; i feel the hunger and the low blood sugar, so i try to eat, get clammy and/or triggered and then thats that. cant try again until ive regulated back to a calm state of mind and feel ready to try again.

i also react strongly to my roomie's food/the smell. i have to go into another room if they eat anything with a strong scent, or sit in the opposite end of the living room. luckily, theyre VERY understanding of it so they dont get offended!!!

as i said im going thru a kind of extreme phase right now, but in my usual day-to-day life theres still tons of food i can eat. when im stressed, have my period, big decisions or other life crisis my food selection instantly limits themselves.

but like normally i have at least 10-12 different safe food meals, besides my 2-3 comfort foods and am usually more willing to try new stuff and comfortable exploring new things.

my current arfid flare-up started during early summer where i started repeating the same three meals (like last year when i lived off of onigiri and ramen) ill go to great lengths to prepare and make the food that is safe but as soon as its unsafe, i dont go thru the trouble anymore; thats usually my first warning sign. i repeat few meals and feel safe eating less and less varieties.

for me its not about calories or weight restrictions; its 100% sensory input. im not afraid of having adverse reactions like allergies, i just physically LOATHE the food in my mouth, it grows as i chew it and it instantly triggers my gag reflex.

theres little else to do about it but go thru it as best as i am able, drink lots of water and then supplement with shakes of fruit and protein powder. usually my arfid is a symptom of distress, which means i have to fix the underlying issue before it goes back to normal.

you should never fear self-diagnosing in any capacity, because the only thing an 'official' diagnosis is important for is a) treatment accessibility and b) inner understanding and comfort in knowing youre not alone. in a lot of countries, assessments like these cost so much with no insurance, so theres no shame in learning and figuring out yourself.

even if you end up not 'qualifying' for an arfid diagnosis, it does nOT take away your issues around food or the validity in your search for solutions !!!!

i wish no one would get judged for any 'quirky' eating habits but i think its something - depending on what youre able to eat - you may need to face daily or weekly. i have a very understanding circle of people around me, and ive been struggling with eating since i was a kid, so many people in my circle are also just. used to it. they worry and in the past theyve tried to force me to eat by taking me to restaurants that didnt have my safe foods to entice me to eat differently which is ALWAYS humiliating (they dont do it anymore). theyve since learned that taking it into consideration is way easier for everyone, and will make for a more positive experience if they want me included in the eating part of anything social.

a way to handle it is to practice how to respond to judgy comments, and figuring out what you want to get out of those. are you interested in educating them about arfid and why it is hard for you? maybe learn and remember some facts or offer some sources to send that they can read, and that youre happy to explain your experiences (if you are). maybe youre just looking to appease the situation and make your eating a non-topic? then shut it down 'nicely' with a smile and a laugh like 'yea, i definitelt am picky ahaha'. it can feel a bit like shooting yourself down choosing that road, but if its people u know you dont want to have the discussion with/will make it uncomfortable or youre just not that interested in opening up to them, you can shut it down like that. for me, practicing a few formulated replies in case anyone comments on it, have made it way less anxiety inducing for me to join in social gatherings and feel less blindsided !! (and if i have to go out to eat somewhere new i check the menu online beforehand!)

my twin has pretty hardcore arfid too and when we were kids, a little worse than me, so in some aspects ive never really been alone with my issues or felt completely ashamed because she was going through the same thing, which in my case, was lucky. i wasnt the odd one out or the weird kid (we were the weird twins tho lmao but we had each other !!!) but im sure finding community in facebook groups or even here (with me or others) can also really help on the shame around being so picky. let me know if you have any more questions or wanna talk about ur experiences, im genuinely genuinely always up for a chat and here for anyone who needs it !!! 🥰🧡

[alternateanonymous]

So.... 06/24/2024

So. This is where I am.

I am in a weird place where i am alone. And i am like kinda ok with it, working on it, but the other part im not ok with because im dwelling and thinking of the past and the future. I need to learn to be more in the present.

I am not happy with the person I am. I am kinda dissapointed in myself for a lot of different reasons and I am not in a place where I can find love at all. I am in a dwelling and reflective place. i've needed to write an entry for a while but haven't because i lack the energy and ambition. Same thing with school and working out and the club which makes me sad.

Relating justin: there are a lot of emotions here. I don't think we'd work out, i just have a gut feeling. But i might be down to try if i was more healed but i am not but i could feel myself getting attatched. I was selfish and a little deluded when it came to you and that was at your expense because I just said i wanted to have fun. which was true but not the full truth. The truth is, i am very much not where i want to be and not in a healthy position to even be pursuing any type of relationship even if it's not even on my end. even if someones says they are waiting for me because i do not need that pressure. so, don't wait for me. i would still love to have you in my life as a friend who witnesses my transformation and i would feel like it would be sad to let you go but i understand if it's to akward and difficult for you.

Relating ryu: fuck dude, i know you really like me. but i fucked up, i had "too much fun" and crossed some boundaries I really shouldn't have and i am sorry for that. You don't deserve that and are probably very confused. I need to be more clear.

so basically, here is a life update. Starting with the break of no contact. Didn't talk with him much. talked with him here and there, went on a late night drive with him. Went to anime con with him. It was weird, could tell bro was feeling weird. everything was chill, i started missing him seriously. went on a whole ass walk, Darius came up, made out in my apartment, he met the roomies. Then he professed his love for me and i told him no and bro went all sad boy. i ended up walking around campus for like 3 hours by myself missing stefan and being sad about the darius situation. I ended up blocking him and kevin in a valient effort to move forward and create boundaries. muhsin helped me through that. That went well for about a month and i worked out, other guys told me they were intrested in me. i started getting clloser with freddy. Hung out with freddys in boston and met all his friends, and others. I dropped a whole ass albumn, one that was supposed to be for stefan but they were all bangers and i still wanted to release it but changed them all and then did. by the way. this is all in the same phase era, i don't remeber exactly which came first or what not. hosted ulaunch.

then i went to a car show after pulling an all nighter and driving around in my car. found a really cool spot and sang into the nature. I met abunch of new people, i was a yes gurl that day in my most authentic self. I ended up hanging out alot with the friends I met that day. we got close. i started hanging out with will alot more, did some real date type shit like photoshoots and getting high. p sure bro caught feelings but ended that p quicjly.went to a party with muhsin, amelia and will. Mushin did some fucked up shit and invited stedan there. really dumb. i invited them to my apartment for a party. One of them got close with me and we hung out during that party alone. He got the wrong impression, told me he liked me and i caved for the plot. I told him, no expectations but he said aight. me and that group went to a fire car show. it was fun. That's when shit really got all fucked up. I started talking with another dude about exploring my sexual side, as a purely platonic thing and because I was curious. I created an account where i posted things and got a lot of responses. then I asked him if he wanted to hookup in light of the situation for comfortability purposes, he took it the wrong way and started treating me romantically which made me feel weird but i just brushed it off when i should've addrresed it. It happened and i was super intoxicated and realy didn't want to but said fuck it imma just let it happen because im intoxicated and had a little bit of a panic attack during it. the next week passed, i didn't say anything about the occurence and he didn't either until he called me at 4 in the morning after work telling me his concerns. He felt used and betrayed because I didn't reciporcate any of those feelings or discuss the matter. He told me he didn't want to be friends. I said, i did all i could and said all i could've said. Then he texted me later saying he revokes that statement and wants to be friends. I didn't respond to him. Then that guy that told me he liked me from the party found out. Oh, by the way during all of this i was still hanging out with him and getting super close, same thing with Will, and i was also distancing myself from my previous best friend because of the breakup. Justin asked me about will and i told him. He doesn't know about the site thing. That became a whole thing as he told me Will was back talking me to his friends Shreesh and dominica. I also went to a party with justin. I didn't make out with a girl but said i did. Ya, that was dumb and shitty and i didn't think it had much weight to it but it did end up having weight. it was a whole thing trying to figure that situation out. We kinda did. Me and will hung out a lot less. Me and justin kept hanging out the same amount. Me and justin hooked up because i was super intoxicated and had it in my mind that this is just the way it;s gonna go basically doing it for the plot in a negative and toxic way. I feel like i put myself in a position to be raped, mentally and physically. Also, i hooked up with this other guy named connor. We got stuck in a field and had to be towed. he is hot but he doesn't have the vibes im looking for. also, me justin shreyas and tony all went to worcester for demo ride. it was fucking awesome. also went to a party with the club, jd was playing drums it wsa cool. went to hang with biker group after. Super fun, met a lot of people was super extroverted. Made dp dough in my party fit was fun.

Then my brithday party happened. hung out iwth freddy, julian and justin and syka. Legit one of the best hangouts ever. Brought the club and the biker gang togetyer. Oh, also throughout this period I had some of the best college expereinces with the biker group that i've ever had, so super complex. but brithday happened, i was late to my own birthday and got to wasted and emotional and then justin and ryan almost fought eachother. Both sides didn't like eachother and i was in the middle confused and sad. Also, ryan's gf pulled out of the lease which was a big fuck you and they both lied to me and saxon saying it was cheaper. I didn't trust or like ryan cuz he wanted to hear all of your woes and sorrows but didn't do shit to be there.. I feel like he has no respect for me and verbally talks down on me. But i'm still chill with him. Also, will says a lot of out of pocket and rude things to me about justin and the biker gang like, don't make out with justin, oh was the person that tried to kts from the biker group. anwys, i digress I was then told to talk with everyone about it and to distance myself from justin. Also, told julian about the site. Ended up doing sexy stuff with him too.

Then, I crashed my motorcycle. Almost died. high sided, landed on the other side of the road face down in a pile of blood. went to the hospital. parent's super mad, justin stayed with me the whole time. i got out. went to six flags a few days later, went to a 21 savage and jid concert. went on a boston trip and hiked up a rock mountain. healed, kept gettnig closer with justin but now more in a friend way. Started realized i only wanted him as a friend. hung out with will, went to boston. Had a lot of fun. Hung out with feddy and justin. They got close we went to the zoo and drove around boston. legit had a fire ass day. had them over to the apartment again, went to a brewery and got pulled over. got a massive ticket for like 300 something. went to boston, to see justin like 2 times. paid 40 for parking and then second time got a parking ticket cuz im retarted. paid 90. went to the aquarium with justin. hung out with ryu, went to fan expo. We fake proposed for fun and i kissed him. bro caught feelings. really i shouldn't have done that.

now we are in this phase, started working. now im super reflecting on the fucked shit that happened in the last... what, 3 months. bro and i broke up right before spring break which was in march. like march 17th is when it started. Holy shit bro. my job is being super insecure rn as fuck police details. Im being super reflective. im loving the cyberpunk astehtic. I'm thinking alot about my ex's, myself, watching shows, feeling super lethartic. i want to get out of this mindset but i don't know how. I can't force myself to because then i won't really do it. im lacking who i used to be. how do i change that. 5 crazy changes in the last 3 months is crazy. but yea. so basically. im also thinking about stefan and realzing how much i really did love him. i loved him a lot. the beginning was perfect until it wasn't and idk how long it's going to take for me to get over that. it's so sad. i failed myself and him, and so did he. did i loose the love of my life? no way, no way because the love of my life wouldn't do those things to me. but i lost a very very very imporant person in my life. All i can do is to keep doing better for me, because the love of my life is going to be stefan and more. much more. But i am scared that he was the love of my life and that i am not going to find someone else, and i am also still very unhealed. and if i don't heal myself and be ok then i won't find my love. so i've tried to do other things like like fictional men and etc. ya man, shits crazyyyy. but yea. im scared he was the love of my life because im super unhealed. because im super unhealed i also can't let anyone in to love me or deal with situations properly. i need to learn boundaries and learn how to truly love myself and heal myself through the peace of mind of being confident in me.

wrote this song today.

We could’ve been so good

Instead you hurt so bad

And now im wondering, if you;re still loving, or  was i the last love that you had 

I think of the memories,

 that we both shared

Filled with exactly what i wanted and all i wished for, but those good time can’t be spared 

Because i think of the torture, the horror, the pain 

I think of the future and the way I couldn't stay 

I think of the failed pursuit of love where I tried so hard, and so did you

We could’ve been so good

Instead you hurt so bad

And now im wondering, if you;re still loving, or  was i the last love that you had 

And i’m sad because now i was just another stepping stone 

For a broken boy to get to his goal

Of working to fix himself for his one true love 

And now i can’t get the sadness out of my mind

Of all the wasted efforts, emotions, and time 

Because now im here, and all i can say is so…..

And I tried to pick myself up from the ground

Found someone who was right and could hold me down

But because of the past, i wasn’t able to allow 

And im screaming inside cuz theres no way out 

We could’ve been so good

Instead you hurt so bad

And now im wondering, if you;re still loving, or  was i the last love that you had.

so yea mags. you got this. take this time of reflection. its ok. after this period of reflection. use it to slowly boost yourself to become the person you want to be. you want to be reia. be her, it's ok. yea, i have 3 sides. reia, vali and mags. lol, it's cringey don't judge. I have made Neo the love of my life right now lol. it's ok to have fun with thinking about love, just don't dwell on it to much. you are also deeply connected with the sun, eternal sunshine baby. you got this. keep reflecting, it's ok. Know that you have the energy in you somewhere. it's just harder to access right now. so accommodate to that and adapt. you got it maggie

[ithisatanytime]

Wicca Phase Springs Eternal - “Now That It's Dark” (Official Audio)

 i just want to say that its also the timing, for fear of appearing literally schizophrenic i dont document everytime i see them making moves specifically based on what ive literally JUST figured out for myself and shared publicly the night before. i dont think that the television is talking to me specifically, or that my cat is possessed by the ghost of st paul and hes commanding i kill taylor swift, i merely have seen numerous numerous very specific examples where i will offer up some idea or some take that i have literally NEVER seen anyone type nor heard anyone mutter before, and within hours or the following morning, threads dealing with that very specific thing. i have been harrassed online, but more, i have been harrassed in real life, only once that i NOTICED, but they made it so i had to notice because they realized that i dont pay attention. the way they harrassed me was direct, 2 strangers on the same day the fourth of july of this year, if i described the events of what happened it would sound like nothing, but if you had been there with me hidding perhaps in a bush i swear to you that youd believe everything i said in that instance because of what you saw. 

 im pretty sure i already mentioned what happened but i will briefly go over it, but understand i know this will sound mundane and there are other possible explanations that seem way more likely to you because i will not be able to properly express the nonverbal communication and full details. but in short, a jonah hill looking motherfucker was riding his bike in my direction on a sidewalk on my way to the beach, behind me about 20 yards so a bit of a distance was a group of young teenagers about 13 years old four to six in all. as he pass me, with his shirt open standing on his pedals as he rode past, he looked to me and said calmly “im on drugs im on probation, they cant do shit.” which he then repeated. i have been yelled at by crazy people many times, i spent 6 months in new york city, this shouldnt have made me feel as uneasy as it did, but it did. you have a sense usually, at least i do, of when someone coming towards you is crazy, or messed up on drugs, its not USUALLY a surprise when it happens you are tensed up waiting for it. i was immediately worried about the kids walking behind me, i turned around and started walking back towards the teens and saw him ride past them. when i got to them i asked if that man had said anything to them and they replied that he had not (this is highly unusual they were young attractive women with one very small young boy, the man didnt strike me as gay, i thought for sure if he yelled at me those kids were next makes no sense) i told them what he said to me, we laughed about it and moved on, occasionally while i was at the beach one of the kids would shout “im on drugs, im on probation, they cant do shit” and we would laugh. it made me really uneasy in a way no other public encounter had, not fearful but perplexed it just didnt fit in with everything else i knew about the world i had inhabit ted for 33 years. on my way home from the beach, a much more directly threatening encounter happened. this is the same day mind you, i am standing alone at an intersection, the road is clear, this is a small rural town, a young black man who sort of resembled xavier wulf but a bit skinnier a slightly more gracile bone structure, slow rolled around the corner, i mean hes practically stopped, and his window is down, his face is practically out his window at me and hes smiling as wide as he can in a cringy unsebtling low budget horror movie way, and nodding at me, his music is turned down, im not dressed out of the ordinary just waiting for my light, this is what i mean though, you will have to take my word that im not exaggeratting this and you must imagine it exactly as ive described it, if anything im under selling it. all i could do was smile and nod back mirroring him in a daze trying to make sense of what was happening right in the moment. he was so close i could have take a step forward and brushed his cheek as he slowly crept by. if you were there, you would have came to the same conclusion i did after a few minutes of walking home and pondering, but instead i must rely on peoples words.

 i am not taking pictures of license plates, or claiming a particular red car is following me, hell they might be! i literally would never know it, i am not paying attention. its possible these two encounters on the same day were not meant to be threatening, though independantly of one another, they on their own, each felt threatening to me, i wasnt scared, what i mean to say is i got the sense the message both these young men were sending was meant to convey a threat, each on their own, never felt that way about an encounter before, and both on the same day.

[myescapediary]

Month Update:

Ok so update about JZ, we don't speak at all anymore. I was cool w J and hung out couple times and spoke daily, even ft at times. He came on our “anniversary” and got me a spooky basket, that let me say I fell in love with because it was so thoughtful. Okay so fast foward to halloweekend, I was supposed to hang with Mel her cousins, libi and tagged J along. The night didn’t go as planned, me libi and J ended up in jersey city. However, the boys were nearby and ended up tagging along with us. J got mad af and we argued and every since, shit changed.. Ok, we moved past that after we spoke and we were cool but he was very distant.

On Nov 11th, towards the night he called me on ft and started to tell me about some girl he met and been talking to. Mind you, he will always pl=rank me to get a reaction out of me. So there goes me not believing him fully, he's talking about her and just describing her and stuff, as he's speaking I honestly don't know how to feel, i'm in disbelief. He then tells me that she knows about me and how that no matter what he wants me to be apart of his life and that she understands that which is very fucking unrealistic like cmon now. Anyways, i'm like yeah sure bcs like I said i still didn't believe him. Towards the end of the call he tells me how he's going out and he's going to be with her so he will talk to me the following day and i didn't care much bcs I was going out too. 

Mind you, I don't even want to go out but im like let me go to clear my mind and not overthink at home. I'm out with Alexis and his boys, drinking and trying to avoid my sadness. It's almost time to leave, I check my socials and I see him post her on his snapchat and instagram... people are texting me and showing me at that point i start crying in the fucking bar like a dumb bitch so I tell alexis we had to go. I'm hysterically crying as we walk to the car and i'm just in disbelieve and in so much pain and anger. So I text him a paragraph on how we cant be friends and he automatically calls me and is texting me to pick up. 

The following day, i decide to say that one of my friends sent that message to not show I care and we move past it, but mind you im hurt af and crying all day lmao! So whatever, he's very distant and I seen him post a snap obv him out w her at bdubs and so I text him how I felt and expressed all my thoughts. The conversations turns into an argument ofc, we then talk on the phone the following day and agree to be friends.. we continue to text. 

It's now friday the 18th,  and I wanted to see him so we make plans to out that night to ashford, he picks me up and i saw him texting leo lmao. Did phase me so it killed my mood so i was quite as we drove there, you can feel the tension and the awkwardness between us. He's on his phone more than usual when were out and it bothered me and all i was thinking was her. So he then keeps looking at me and it's making me mad and I wanted to just cry and tell him i want to get back with him when i really don't but i can't stand the fact he's willing to try with someone else. So, I then ask him for us to go home, we get to the car and I asked him where does she think hes at and he laughs and said tbh she thinks i'm out with Carlos, that made me so angry and upset i laughed turned to the window and started to hold my tears. He then asks me why im acting like that and why are we talking about her when we were supposed to just enjoy the night together but I just can't. So I started telling him off to leave me alone and that us friends is not a good ide and he then gets upset and starts arguing with me but i'm not even saying anything i'm just mad and still in disbelief. I then get home and i'm just crying ofc. I text him and tell him that i'm sorry the night ended the way it did but I just can't. He still avoid the no longer friends part and tells me i won't happen again and i told him to not worry about it and that i don't want to know about her and that that's it. He then texts me today, nov 20th acting like everything is ok and asking how i'm feelin, he then takes hours to reply, i replied 6:42pm and it's now 9:41pm and no response.. I am lost of words,. 

Nov 20th, 2022

9;41pm 

[blues824]

This idea came to my head so im requesting this if you don't mind, but like what if mc was a demon and had a evil cycle since in welcome to demon school iruma the demons there have it changing their personality 180

Used the Wiki again cuz I’ve never even heard of this anime before. It looks awesome, though. Also, with the use of ‘mc’ in the request, imma guess it was a request for Obey Me! and I will be doing the Dateables because I love them :) If I got the request wrong, feel free to submit another request. It is my only exception to my Requests Closed Rule.

Diavolo

First off, he is curious about the differences between you and him. You are a different type of demon than what you usually see in the Devildom, so he wants to know all about you. He’s read you student file front to back but it doesn’t tell him nearly enough.

Cue inviting you over as much as he can so he can so he can know more about you. He will walk with you through the gardens to talk to you and ask you questions. Hell, he’d invite you over for dinner every night if he could. But, he understands that you are in the dinner rotation at HoL.

Now, the work at RAD is hard. He’s not going to lie, it’s very difficult. Especially the History and Math courses. However, he doesn’t seem to notice how it seems to be taking a toll on your mental health. If he does, he just writes it off as something else.

So, imagine his surprise when you can’t take it anymore and you snap. You start behaving differently, losing your usual kind and selfless disposition. Diavolo tries to get you under control, but it proves useless. Eventually, he got the brothers, Barbatos, and the Exchange Students to help set up a trap.

Since a lot of your stress also comes from the Residents of the House of Lamentation, the plan was for you to chase Mammon. When it worked, you were in a cage that had a pillow and a blanket. You started screaming at them to let you out, and the young Lord was about to give in when he was pulled away by the others.

The next day, Diavolo walked to the room that held your cage, and gently woke you up. You seemed to have recovered a bit, and he let out a tiny sigh of relief. He opened the door, hugged you, and told you to tell him if you are pushed to that breaking point again.

You then tell him that you had a safeword that could break you out of your Wicked Phase. He felt honored that you trusted him with something so important, so he made sure that he stored it deep into his memory. 

Barbatos

He probably would have read your student bio and every file he could reach on you so that he could gain a deeper understanding about you. He asked for your permission before reading it, and wouldn’t read it if you told him no.

The one file you told him ‘no’ contained some crucial information. You thought he didn’t need to know considering you weren’t stressed at the point he asked about it. You would come to regret that decision later. 

Your stress levels were at an all-time high. You had homework, as well as balancing your social life, getting the brothers out of trouble from Lucifer, helping out at the Castle, your regular chores… it was just getting to be way too much for one demon.

You eventually snapped and started having the guts to tell people ‘no’. Like when Mammon decided he was going to hide in your room, you outed him right to Lucifer. When Leviathan tried to gaslight you into hanging out with you, you told him bluntly that you wouldn’t fall for his usual trick and told him you were busy.

It was getting out of hand when you called Diavolo ignorant for trying to make light of a heavy situation. That’s when the butler knew there was something wrong. You got along with everyone… Why were you suddenly acting like this?

Going against your words and his better judgment, he read the file. He discovered that you went through Evil Cycles, where you would act sadistically and could possibly become violent. He read on and on, and it held your safeword. He rushed out of the room to the HoL, hoping that you didn’t murder one of the Brothers yet.

When he arrived, he saw that you were very close to either killing or being killed by Lucifer. He noticed that Mammon had a black eye that he tried to hide under his glasses. There was a verbal altercation happening between you and the (unfortunately much stronger) eldest demon brother.

He yelled out your safeword and you immediately snapped out of it. You turned and saw Barbatos had a file in his hand. He apologized for going against what you said, but he was concerned that you could have been sick or you could have been poisoned or something like that. You told him that it was fine and then you turned and apologized for the physical injuries, but not for their hurt egos.

Simeon

He gets to know you during your visits to Purgatory Hall. Luke has come to actually like your company, much like he does Barbatos’. You spend a lot of time baking treats and learning recipes from each other. 

You tell him why you are different from most demons in the Devildom. You tell him about how you got here from your dimension and what it was like back where you’re from (not that it was too much different seeing as it had different ‘areas’, much like the Devildom). You even tell him about your evil cycle and your safeword.

One day, you find yourself over-exerted. Whenever you try to relax, someone has a problem that you need to deal with for peace to be restored. Plus, whenever you weren’t doing that, you were either doing your mountains of homework or your chores. Free time? Don’t know her.

As a result, you reach your breaking point. After Mammon told you that you wouldn’t be as great as him, you slapped him and called him a self-entitled jerk. You then went off on Beelzebub (who was just standing there) for eating the food that you had spent hours making for yourself. You shoved Asmo off of you when he went in for a squeeze, hard enough that he was pushed to the ground.

When it reached Simeon’s ears that you seemingly went haywire out of nowhere, he knew there was more to the story. You had even told him about how your stress had been building upon itself to new heights, it was just that no one beside him bothered to actually see what was in front of their eyes. He remembered the word that could snap you out of it and rushed to HoL.

When he got there, he saw the damage you’d already dealt: not much on the physical level, but bruised pride was definitely present. You were currently yelling at Satan, provoking him and making him angry as well. However, upon further inspection, the anger he was feeling was more out of emotional hurt rather than the they-have-the-audacity-to-yell-at-me anger.

He said the safeword in the loudest and clearest voice he could muster, and that made you immediately stop yelling. You looked around and saw everyone with shocked looks on their faces (aside from Satan, who was trying to calm himself down). You apologized profusely to those who stood hurt.

He was glad no one was seriously hurt, but he was concerned about you. From then on, he vows that he would never let you get to that stage of stress or exhaustion. He would invite you over to Purgatory Hall so that you could have some moments of peace and quiet. 

Solomon

He would also get to know more about you through your visits at Purgatory Hall, as well as being able to travel through dimensions via magic. He has visited your dimension before and therefore knows a lot about you.

However, he has never witnessed an Evil Cycle. When you tell him about it one day, he asks a bunch of questions while taking notes in case something happens. Mans prolly has a notebook dedicated to things from your dimension.

After a while, it just gets to be too much. You get to the point where you can’t take 5 minutes away from everything without 1) someone needing help, 2) feeling the anxiety that something remains undone, 3) finding yourself taking on extra chores to fill up any extra time.

Obviously, with all that you are doing to yourself as well as the tasks given to you from the brothers, the other exchange students, and the residents of the Castle, you snap at someone. That someone just so happened to be Lucifer.

You told him no after he asked you to go shopping for food for HoL. You told him that he had already given you too many tasks and that you had your own to do as well. He did the whole lecture about how “you were now a Resident in the house and as such you would do as he asked” when you used the pact to make him shut up, sit down, and listen for once. You went off on him and the other brothers weren’t safe from your wrath either. The rage in your eyes rivaled Satan’s, and that scared even him.

After one of them texted him, Simeon, Barbatos, and Diavolo an SOS message, they all arrived as quickly as they could. They looked around and saw that Lucifer had a handprint on his face, most likely the result of you slapping him. The others didn’t look better either, Belphie even had a black eye.

Solomon used his magic to keep you trapped within an invisible box so that you couldn’t go anywhere. They searched for anything that could help you when he remembered that he had a whole notebook dedicated to you and your dimension. After he whipped it out of thin air, he flipped through the pages and saw the page he had on Evil Cycles.

He said the safeword that you mentioned in a clear tone and you seemingly snapped out of whatever was going on. You looked around and saw the brothers in their current state. Like the baddie you are, you didn’t apologize and told them that you just got the guts to teach them how they treated you and gave them what they deserved: bruised faces and egos.