#image quality be damned i wanted to be funny

[bluggluglfgh]

CURSE OF THE NILE!!!

[istherewifiinhell]

okay one level deeper in indie 80s comics and your just fucked for trying to find info online. but i thought ppl would really like this image

[ID from alt: Back pages advertisement for Jim Lawson's "Bade Biker and Orson" no. 4. A caption box reads: Orson goes underground in: The Demon Car From Hell, Part II. The art is very obscured copy of Gustave Doré illustration of the divine comedy, Virgil and Dante standing over Farinata's tomb. Orson, a cartoon frog looking character, has been physically pasted next to Farinata in the image photocopy. END ID]

Doré's original illustration, sans Orson.

[ID from alt: The illustration in much higher clarity, and fuller range of values. The full bodies and details of all subjects visible along with background details and line work. END ID]

full ad page under the cut

[ID from alt: Same image with logo, and text "no. 4" and "shipping June 1st" END ID]

[soullumii]

can i request video game Joel miller giving his wife a cat for christmas? like i cant see him as a cat person and i imagine the days prior he’s keeping the cat hidden and taking care of it reader is like “are those fucking scratches???” and hes like “um… no lol what are you talking about…” and I thought itd be cute and funny cus hes so eager to make her happy

cat scratch fever | joel miller x f!reader

this is so damn cute. imagining joel with a cat is such a silly and adorable image. i didn't know if u wanted outbreak universe or modern so i kind of just went with my gut LOL... i hope this is okay <3. fluff, modern au, married. tried to keep this short and sweet {1.7k}

“What’s that?” You asked, eyebrows knitted in concern as you gestured to the thin scratches on Joel’s hand with your chopsticks.

The two of you were sitting at the dinner table eating the takeout you had bought from a local Chinese place. Christmas Eve dinner. It’s a tradition. 

Joel hummed, tilting his wrist, his watch blinking in the candlelight. His hand was covered in scratches from the kitten he had been so dutifully hiding from you for the past three days.

Joel had never been much of a cat person, dogs had always seemed to speak to him more. They were wide eyed and ready to do whatever you asked, while cats were much more independent. Feisty. They did what they wanted, when they wanted. 

In a way, they reminded him of you. His fireball of a wife. 

And you loved cats. Always showing Joel videos on your phone of cute cats, tearing up instantly any time the two of you saw a stray on the streets, to which you fed it whatever you had on you. And if you didn’t have anything on you, you’d crouch down, profusely apologizing to it as if that’d be a suitable replacement to a real meal. As if it could understand you.

Joel always carefully tugged you along when you got like that, and gently refused you when you begged to bring it home. 

Not because he was an ass or anything… It’s just…the fleas on that thing! Who knows what diseases it could have? And the expenses…it’s a lot to worry about.

But you’re coming up on seven years together, and the two of you had finally reached a state of economic stability and owned a home together. 

So, when Joel was out in the city one day running errands for a new renovation project under his contracting company, he didn’t refuse the stray kitten that had scrambled after him from seemingly out of nowhere. An orange one, with big green eyes and the pointiest little tail that flopped with each bound of its little legs.

It was damn cute. He’d never seen anything that fucking adorable. Besides you, maybe. 

Joel was not usually very weak to the charms of cats, but this one reminded him of you somehow. The way you’d follow him with an excitement he’d never seen in anyone else before. You loved unconditionally, and while that was a trait Joel often saw in dogs, the little kitten following after him seemed to possess a similar quality without even having known him. 

So he snatched that little sucker up and texted you he’d be home a little bit late so he could take it to the vet for shots and buy some supplies. He’d been keeping it in the guest bedroom that you refused to go into, claiming it was “haunted”, ever since.

And let it be known that it’s incredibly difficult to keep a cat from a very intuitive (nosy) person like yourself. 

Still, he’d been managing pretty well.

“It’s nothin’,” Joel said. “I just scraped myself with a plank of wood at work.” 

It’s a very believable lie. He’d done that plenty of times. Contractor things.

“Those look deep, though. You don’t have splinters do you?” You asked, reaching for his hand to scrutinize it. Shifting right into concerned wife territory.

He threaded your fingers together and titled his head to catch your eyes. “Sweetheart I’m fine, I promise.”

You squeezed his hand. “You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

You gave him a mild smile, returning to your lo mein. “So, I heard some weird sounds today.”

Joel’s pulse spiked. He roughly swallowed down a dumpling. “Yeah?”

You nodded. “It was weird. Like, high pitched and squeaky. Coming from,” you sent a wary glance down the hallway before leaning in close to whisper, “the guest room. I’m telling you it’s haunted.”

Joel bit back a smile. “Baby, it ain’t haunted. But I’ll go check it out tonight for ya. Maybe it was a rat or somethin’.”

“A murderous rat,” you said, seriously. “That murdered the man that lived here before. And his ghost now haunts that room.”

“Honey, we met the man that lived here before us.”

“Doesn’t mean there couldn’t have been another guy living with him that was brutally murdered by the rat.”

“You’ve been watchin’ too much true crime.”

You shrug, taking a bite of lo mein. “You can never watch too much true crime.” 

After dinner, Joel kept his promise and stopped in the guest room to investigate the ‘killer rat’ while you got comfortable in bed. 

“Be safe,” you had whispered soberly to him, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“You are ridiculous, but I love you,” he whispered back.

"I love you, too."

Joel carefully opened the door enough so he could slip in without the kitten escaping, but he didn’t have to worry. The little orange fur ball was curled into a shape reminiscent of a croissant in the middle of the bed, and when Joel entered, its head lifted up, green eyes blinking sleepily up at him.

“Shit, how are you so damn cute?” Joel murmured, settling down on the bed to pet the kitten. His hand practically engulfed the tiny little thing, and he picked it up gently, tucking it in his arms.

“My wife is gonna love you,” he said, kissing its head. It started purring, a loud rumbling sound that for sure could not come out of a kitten. And yet, it was. “I’m pretty sure I love you.”

It nuzzled its little head into the crook of his elbow, and Joel was hooked right then. Any past bad experiences with cats were forgotten. Friendship ended with dogs, cats were his new best friend.

He sprinkled some more food into its bowl, told it to be a bit quieter, and promised he’d be back tomorrow before he found his place in bed next to you again.

You turned to him under the sheets, cheek squished against the pillow as your hand found his bare, hair-dusted chest. “Was it a rat?”

Joel angled his head to press a kiss to your hair. “Didn’t find anythin’. It must’ve been the AC makin' noise.”

You sighed in relief. “Good.”

“You don’t really believe a rat murdered a man there, right?” 

“No. But I still think it’s haunted. It’s just a hunch.”

“I’ll protect you if you end up being right.”

“Well I’m always right, so I’ll be looking forward to seeing you sexily protecting me.”

Not right this time, he thought to himself, and was proud you hadn’t managed to find out about your surprise. 

He chuckled, and leaned down to press a sweet kiss to your lips. “Merry Christmas Eve, darlin’.”

You smiled. “Merry Christmas Eve, Joel.”

—

Joel woke you with soft kisses to the back of your neck, his body wrapped around yours, his hand heavy and warm over your stomach.

You looked over your shoulder at him with sleepy eyes. “Merry Christmas.”

He kissed you gently. “Merry Christmas.”

And then he was out of bed almost in an instant. “Ready to open your present?”

You laid there for a second in stunned silence before a light, disbelieving laugh bubbled out of you. “Jeez, someone’s excited. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get out of bed so fast.”

“I just think I did good this year,” he tapped the doorknob anxiously.

“You do good every year.” You quirked a brow. “What is going on with you? You’ve been so jumpy these past couple of days. Did something happen?”

"Everythin' is just fine,” Joel insisted, coming forward to press his lips to yours again, his hands framing your face. “I’m just nervous about your Christmas present, that’s all.”

“If you didn’t get me anything I wouldn’t care, you know?” You said. “I love just being with you. I mean, at long as you at least got me flowers or something.” 

“I got you more than flowers. C’mon.”

“Okay, okay.”

You followed Joel to the living room, and he made you both coffee before setting you down on the couch.

“I’ll be right back.”

Joel nervously made his way to the guest room, grabbing the decorated box he had poked holes in and had set the kitten inside this morning while you were still asleep before he snuck back into bed.

He opened the lid. The kitten stared up at him and mewled. Yup, still alive. Thank god.

Joel reentered the living room with the box. You made grabby hands at him, grinning with amusement as he carefully set it in your lap. 

“This better not be anything too expensive,” you said, reaching for the lid.

Joel shrugged. “Practically got it for nothin’.”

“Well, now I’m concerned.”

“Just open it.”

You rolled your eyes playfully and lifted the lid, and Joel’s entire body flooded with a relieved warmth the moment you registered what was staring back at you, quelling the anxious jitters he had been dealing with the entire night before and into the morning.

Your curious gaze melted into a look of pure shock, your wide eyes immediately starting to swim with tears as a high pitched oh my god, Joel left your lips.

You carefully took the kitten out of the box, holding it tight to you as a sob escaped you. And then you were fully crying fat, wet tears. Panic struck him in the chest, and he hurried to sit down next to you on the couch.

“Do you not like him? We can give him away, please don’t cry, honey-”

“No no! I’m just so happy,” you said through tears and Joel relaxed. “I love him. I can't believe you got me a kitten. I thought you didn’t like cats?”

“This one changed my mind,” he explained, petting the little creature. “His claws are goddamn sharp though.”

You elbowed him. “I knew those scratches looked cat-like.”

“Wouldn’t have been a surprise if I told ya.” 

“Yeah yeah.”

You maneuvered the cat to look him straight in the eyes. He wriggled in your hands. “Did you scratch up daddy’s hand? You’re a little stinker but god you’re so fucking cute!” You squealed, pressing the kitten’s head to your lips to pepper hundreds of kisses on it.

Joel’s hand snaked around your waist. “What’re you gonna name ‘em?”

You didn’t even hesitate, mumbling against his marigold fur. “Pretzel.”

“Pretzel?” Joel huffed in amusement.

“I’ve always wanted to name a cat that,” you defended, holding Pretzel up to fawn over him again. His purr loudly echoed through the living room.

“Alright then. Welcome to the Miller family, Pretzel.”

[groupcritpowerdynamics]

fuck how it would be nice if people would take a moment to actually look at your art instead of just going "Wow! That's not the medium I expected!" then moving on its just so damn beautiful i cant do art for shit but all these concepts youve just put into it so wonderfully idk just please for the love of god dont ever call yourself a bad artist

I don't mind, you can't expect everyone to 'read' every image, u know? Art, much life fiction or poetry, can only meet someone half way. I think if you had a particularly lonely childhood filled with videogames, or you're really into Hito Steyerl and post internet writing, you'll probably connect with it more/ on a more analytical level. But even if someone just sees a cute puppy and has no personal context for it, I'm happy. And the medium thing, well i suppose if it catches them off guard its funny. But chalk pastel really does make a lot of sense when you want to talk about a low quality image, something with noise and grain, you know? I do really appreciate your messages though, thankyou sm! I'm so glad you connect with my work!

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 17/04/2024

Super Wonderful World

Season 2 Featured on: The Voice's Highest Quality Video Game Rips

Ripped by Marrow

(Curious about the abnormal audio embed? Read more here)

It's kind of ridiculous that I've taken this long to actually write something about Marrow that isn't so directly tied to his passing, isn't it? Like, yes, Telling Fish Tales is an absolutely beautiful rip, it is still likely my favorite of all of Marrow's output, don't get me wrong...but there was more to the guy than just his death, you know? The tributes have all been beautiful, to be sure, I love 8​-​bit Fish With Dreams in particular, but I want to discuss Marrow's own rips more as well as those. Because while I might not have known Marrow, and can't claim to know anything about him as a person, I know he was just a genuinely good, sincere, funny ripper, and Super Wonderful World is just a damn fun rip.

I've been wanting to cover something from Super Mario Sunshine on here for a very long time - it has almost as much of a notable presence on the channel as its older brother on the Nintendo 64, particularly in the early days. Super Mario 64's Slider theme is unbeatable, of course, WA-HOO DISCO and its brethren can't be toppled, but there's a case to be made that Super Mario Sunshine's iconic acapella-driven Secret Course theme is a more fun listen in terms of rips. There's just something inherently funny about remixing voice samples, even in an acapella context - there's tons of rips of Secret Course in particular because of this, that all play with those deews and doos to great effect.

Super Wonderful World is no exception to that, and the joke of it is made apparent just a few seconds into your listen, arranging Louis Armstrong's lovely What a Wonderful World with those aforementioned acapella sounds, yet...for some reason, it is still likely the one Secret Course rip that has stuck with me the longest. I'm not even sure if its due to any one reason I can pinpoint other than just "Marrow Magic": maybe its my attachment to What a Wonderful World from hearing it at a young age in the original Madagascar, or maybe its the sheer juxtaposition of such a silly sound being used to play such genuine beautiful jazz...OR maybe its the fucking hilarious visuals on the video that you need to be scrolling up to look at now that I've pointed it out. Spaghet. No matter what it is, it clicks - though I think that second point in particular is where the trick lies. Sort of like A Mambo Moment, a lot like My Dr. Eggman Can't Be This Evil!, the contrast in tone between the two tunes is the kind of thing that you'd only get from SiIvaGunner, or at least the only place where you'd get it done in such a genuine, high-quality way. This isn't just some midiswap, this has every bit and piece from What a Wonderful World, every part of its backing and every additional instrument playing throughout, recreated with such finesse - all to push a bit that, as the rip visuals emphasize, is mostly just meant to be funny.

There's an effort made in Super Wonderful World to make the bit not just funny, but very pleasant and listenable as well, is what I'm getting at. The SiIvaGunner ethos, distilled so perfectly in just one simple rip, distilled into a rip that for me has stayed endlessly replayable since its release, striking that perfect balance of novel and pleasant. And sure, there's a part of me that still wishes to dig further, to know lots more about Marrow than I do, to investigate and snoop about and maybe even find out what the Spaghet image is even about...but its also, in some way, just as pleasant to listen to his tunes in bliss, enjoying his work for what it is, not hung up on wishing I'd known more.

I wasn't Marrow's friend, but what he left behind still means a lot to me. And so, continue to celebrate it I shall - more than a long-gone name to be mentioned in SiIvaGunner event recaps, Marrow was downright fantastic at what he did - and I hope we'll all continue to remember and cherish that about him.

[thesmutalorian]

Yeah  they made the feral predator way too hot. The credits came on and I immediately went to Ao3 like “let’s see what the girlies have to say about thissssss” 🤭 I saw the original predator almost a decade ago and as much as I liked it, never would of guessed I’d be here now 🙂

 the ooman shit kills me, like why do they have these scary ass aliens saying such silly shit I’m gonna die. 

Turns ouuuuut, I actually have more to sayyyyy, but you don’t have to respond: I feel bad bc I don’t have an Ao3 account so I can never comment, but Gorl if I did, id have a whole essay for every chapter, including reaction images 😤. Ik you aren’t currently writing from Ta'Kesh’s POV (which is perfectly fine lol), but I really appreciated how you did so. The predator POV is so fun to read, they’re just so damn cold and pragmatic and just ALIEN yk? (Ta’kesh makes me laugh bc he’s such a lil psycho lol). At least when done right I think. The dynamic you have set up is really interesting, like I love a good slow burn enemies to friends to lovers, but the cultural differences and species hierarchy sets it up for some really fascinating (JUICY) interactions/character development. I was unfortunate enough to come upon your story very early, there aren’t many other fics that hold up to the standard you set! (Have you read The Devil You Know? One of the only other quality fics I’ve found that seems to accurately portray that sort of dynamic- 10/10 recommend). 

But anyway, the arrogance, the entitlement, just the cold bluntness makes predator fic so engaging to me. When you take a person with that deeply ingrained of a mindset (that’s another aspect I love, the question of whether or not yautjas are innately “predatory” or if it’s largely due to cultural upbringing) and force them to interact with with someone they deem inferior in a way they never have had to before (and there was only ONE BED heheh) I’m eating that shit up with 2 hands like GOOD SOUP!!😤😤😤

 I appreciate it even more with a quality OC and I like Charlie a lot. I really struggle with reader/you fics bc beyond me just being like “lol I would not do that”, I like having an established character to root for :). She has an interesting past that you’ve managed to portray in an appealing and unostentatious way. Reminds me of Rust cohle from True Detective.  I like that she’s very brave, but not to the point of ridiculousness lol. She has her moments where she’s able to act courageously in order to try to survive, but still gets intimidated/scared (extremely valid) sometimes with the big ass scary aliens. Do you have anyone in mind for how she looks?

Some highlights so far:

Greatly enjoyed ta’kesh’s cringe fail lake venture where Charlie showed his ass up while he fucking stands in the background looking like a drowned ass rat ahahah but watching her Commit Violence like 👀

Idk why but aliens using bidets is so fucking funny to me

Kinda living for ta’kesh being a dork and talking to his cat all the time hehe

let me see what the girlies have to sayyyyy 👏🏼 absolutely the correct response. my friend and I stand by that alien v predator could've been entirely more romantic if they were brave enough but 🤪 no cause literallyyyyy when I read ooman I hear it in a baby voice and I canNOT take it seriously, like bless those authors truly but whoever started the ooman precedent.... I just wanna talk 🧍🏻‍♀️ and girly pop ofc I'm gonna respond you took the time to let me know how you feel and I /love/ interaction okay (I think there's a way to comment anon on ao3 with like a guest account or name or something but maybe I'm wrong idk) but either way you take the time I want to show my appreciation

I stopped his POV just cause I felt like I was backtracking and I'm already so slow (rip sorry) but I really do want to come back to it in the future just to have fun revealing his inner workings (cause sometimes I be writing things and giggling like pookie is such a brat and then I remember y'all can't hear the goofy ass voices in my head and you only know the story I show you) but yes yes their differences are gonna play out in so many ways that I just can't wait for 😇 AND YES IVE READ FRIGGY one of the few I made it all the way through and then had to literally have a whole moment to process that there wasn't a second part 😗😗 sick I tell you, sick,, but I completely understand the not being able to read FPOV or self insert because of the "ummm I would never" --- because that's EXACTLY how I started writing 💀😭 I was chatting w my friend and we were like ok but isn't it kinda weird how fast some of these fmc just like... accept the whole ass murder crab men? also--- how do they survive well in space and from there Charlie was born ahahahHA I was like ok but what if I made it realistic for bits (as realistic as scifi can be) and then asked people to suspend their disbelief for the fun bits like the space pond and the tail n shit 🤭🤭

I have a whole board of art for ta'kesh but I've never really stopped to think about Charlie 🧐🧐

YES DROWNED RAT IS SOOOOO RIGHT mans really does have an ego, which, like rightfully earned? but also... must be checked whenever author feels he needs it (all the time 😇)

the bidet was me being like what is something that isn't necessarily commonplace, but feels bougie enough that an advanced society would have it regularly around.... ah yes.... Bidet.

ta'kesh is a cat girl, confirmed

I promise to bring you more good soup in the future 🍲

[stereax]

whos your favorite player on every team?

Ooh, this is a fun one! Under the cut :) Also not gonna use former Devils, and gonna try to stay away from just naming the most known player on each team... we'll see.

Anaheim Ducks: Lukas Dostal is doing a damn good job tending that net. I'm super excited to see where he goes!

Arizona Coyotes: Of course, our pride king Travis Dermott!

Boston Bruins: Look. I said I was gonna not name the most known players. But you can't expect me not to name a goalie for the Bruins! Impossible! I'm gonna give the edge to Jeremy Swayman.

Buffalo Sabres: Probably Jeff Skinner, honestly. Most cursed man in hockey. Does that make me old?

Calgary Flames: I don't follow the Flames much but I do really like Cody Taylor.

Carolina Hurricanes: Pyotr Kochetkov is, in my opinion, the only Cane with rights.

Chicago Blackhawks: All Star Jason Dickinson just seems like a funny dude. Well, for having to play for Chicago...

Colorado Avalanche: I am forgiving Ross Colton for that really shitty shift against the Devils because he's holding Woody's hand and they're cute. But I'm watching you, mister.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Alexandre Texier. He's French! And played in Switzerland last year! And is suffering!

Dallas Stars: Thomas Harley is carrying half my fantasy teams and he seems like such a fun dude!

Detroit Red Wings: Jake Walman, hitting the griddy, and getting a bobblehead after it.

Edmonton Oilers: I am not immune to Ryan McLeod propaganda. Just look at his smile!

Florida Panthers: Sam Reinhart, the highest-paid Panther, has no goals and one assist in his last six games and his ice time is declining. Where are the Sabres fans who told me how much they would miss him? When I hear of all the positive qualities the team lacked in the past, I think of Reinhart - lol nah that's just the Reino copypasta. Love him!

Los Angeles Kings: Long Distance Girlfriend Kevin Fiala and his hysterical wife!

Minnesota Wild: Mats Zuccarello is very short. This is always fun. Especially because his stick is very long. Also fun.

Montreal Canadiens: Juraj Slafkovsky is not only worryingly homoerotic with every single Slav he meets, he is also trying valiantly to overcome the bust narrative, and he's silly and goofy! What more do you want?

Nashville Predators: Roman Josi. I am not immune to a good-looking Swiss man.

New Jersey Devils: All of them. I'm in a Dougie Hamilton mood right now, though. (Aka, I miss him :'( )

New York Islanders: The Real Sebastian Aho, simply because it's funny there's two of them. Also, this one is prettier.

New York Rangers: There's a fic out there that makes me somewhat like Braden Schneider.

Ottawa Senators: I'm saluting Jacob Bernard-Docker for his services to my fantasy teams.

Philadelphia Flyers: The image of Known USNTDP Member Cam York fielding calls from Zegras on how to take care of his platonic soulmate is truly peak.

Pittsburgh Penguins: The Other Smitty, Reilly Smith. I am predictable. I have a type.

San Jose Sharks: Anthony Duclair! And his many sons on the team.

Seattle Kraken: Kailer Yamamoto. I just like him because he's short, okay? He also seems to have a very fun character, which I admire.

St. Louis Blues: Colton Parayko, for no other reason than it's a very good hockey name.

Tampa Bay Lightning: Brayden Point is another of those players that just eternally carries my fantasy teams.

Toronto Maple Leafs: I think Calle Jarnkrok is eternally underrated. And I'm right.

Vancouver Canucks: Stanley Cup Champion Teddy Blueger. He deserves it.

Vegas Golden Knights: I simply believe that if one does not at least admire Jack Eichel for his dedication to being a bitch and ruining all the narratives, one does not exist to me.

Washington Capitals: They have Dylan Strome from the fics! It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride, everything everything will be just fine, everything everything will be alright alright...

Winnipeg Jets: Nino Niederreiter. God, I hope he finds a home some day. I hope it could be Winnipeg.

[tiffanylamps]

#‘did i do a good job lee dong sik-ssi?’#'i wasn't paying attention. you gotta do it again' ^ the way these tags INSTANTLY manifested a wild crackfic in my brain, of HJW getting a seedy nightclub undercover assignment and going to LDS for help bc he needs to learn how to kiss, and it's the best and worst moment of LDS's fucking life, goddamn. god. damn.

Okay, so... I LOVE THIS. You have sent my mind into overdrive! You're most certainly welcome in my inbox if this is the quality of content you're providing me!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! 😩

I.... maaay have gotten carried away with this idea. I'm sorry for not stopping myself, but I had to write my thoughts down and share them with you 👀 I wrote this quickly in a blind-excited panic, so it probably reads a little weird. Sorry for any mistakes! 🫣

Note: I fell asleep whilst giving this a once over and still posted anyway. The formatting looks really weird on my phone compared to my laptop. I'll fix that at another time.

"You're doing what?" Dong Sik sputters, completely dumbfounded, now actually on the verge of laughing unapologetically loudly in the silly Inspector Han's face.

Joo Won can tell and seems utterly put out by the fact that Dong Sik would dare laugh at such a statement. "It isn't funny," he grumbles, once again.

"Clearly, you and I have a different sense of humour, because, this is hilarious." Dong Sik chuckles, making himself as comfortable as he can get on Joo Won's overtly and unnecessarily angular sofa. "What was it they have you doing again? A puppet booth-"

"A kissing booth. Stop laughing!" He can't help it, and why should he? The image of the ever-so-serious and gentile Han Joo Won not only standing in but working at a kissing booth, of all things, is the funniest shit Dong Sik has heard since Ji Hoon told him that Ji Hwa sings the latest sappy love songs in the shower.

"It's for the case! I didn't want to do it- my Chief made me! She seems to think that this is the best way of gaining intel on the kidnapper's whereabouts. This is serious Dong Sik, five children have gone missing from Lotte World within the last six weeks. We need information and-"

"-I get all of that but on Valentine's Day? Oh, Joo Won, you're fucked. I don't think you understand how many people you're going to have to kiss. With this gorgeous face of yours," Joo Won only just bats Dong Sik's hand away before it cups his cheek, but his usual hoity-toity up-tightness isn't there. If anything, he seems reluctant to intervene.

But then his ever-sharp eyes do a once over Dong Sik's relaxed frame and the room seems to become a little smaller. Look, Dong Sik isn't that young anymore and he and Joo Won aren't like... Well, they're not... They're not. So, it's none of his business whom Joo Won kisses, or where, or why... He just wished his chest knew this.

"Are you prepared for that?" He asks before he can stop himself. "Kissing, that is. Kissing strangers."

In that moment, Joo Won's ears do a rather lovely thing: they burn a deep shade of red, close to maroon, and Dong Sik would be a liar if he said he didn't find it unspeakably charming. The inspector shakes his head once firmly, with his hands clenched tightly into bone-white fists.

Oh. Dong Sik shouldn't tease.

There is little point in asking why Joo Won would agree to such an ill-suited undercover assignment, they both know exactly what lengths he would go to for a case. Kissing is nothing compared to hell. But they also both know that the Han Joo Won that would willingly go to hell is the same Han Joo Won that still struggles with giving or receiving a hug. So, kissing, and kissing strangers at that, must be a complete nightmare for him.

"Have you been... preparing?"

Dong Sik doesn't know why this question feels like tar inside his mouth, dripping out with as much grace as that awful Marmite shit - Joo Won made him try once - drips out of a jar. He does know. Of course he knows. And Joo Won would too if he happened to look up from where his hands were still firmly clenched against his knees. If he saw just how much Dong Sik dreads his answer - dreads the reality that Joo Won has been kissing other people in order to prepare for kissing... Well, other people - then they'll be in real trouble.

"I've read some articles and they-"

Articles?

"Why would you need to read articles about kissing?"

Joo Won frowns and stares... hard.

It's rare that Dong Sik feels like a complete and utter idiot but this is definitely one of the few occasions. The poor inspector's annoyingly sweet face is just as flushed as his ears and Dong Sik feels a little sick with guilt.

"I've never felt the need to," Joo Won mutters quickly and with little decorum, getting straight to the point. "I've been given plenty of offers but I never saw the point in it."

The point? Gosh, this kid. Dong Sik sometimes forgets that the Joo Won he knows now is still the same Joo Won that sees the world in a multitude of monochrome, with little space for any variation of grey. "Have you ever wanted to, though?"

Joo Won finally looks up, letting his darker-than-a-night-sky eyes dance over Dong Sik's features before resting on one spot in particular. They stay there, past the point of it being misconstrued as an accident. Shit. The airy apartment abruptly feels no bigger than a dusty wardrobe; they suddenly feel too close. Dong Sik's chest hasn't felt this tight in years.

"Are you judging me?" Joo Won asks tight-lipped and full of misplaced shame. It takes everything in Dong Sik not to sigh at the inspector's stupid question. Who was he to judge? Heck, it's been years since he got laid and it's not exactly like he's had a whole lot of experience in that department, either.

"Who said I was?" Dong Sik pats one of Joo Won's hands, savouring the sensation of grazing his fingers over the taut knuckles he finds there. Foolishly, he wishes that something as simple as his touch would soothe them and relieve the stress of the man they belong to.

"But all my research has been no use," the inspector sighs and leans back against the sofa, raking a hand through his hair until it's dishevelled and entirely too nice. It's unfair, really, just how much Dong Sik prefers it this way. He pauses, and Dong Sik wishes he wasn't waiting for Joo Won's next words with bated breaths. "I've always been more of a practical learner."

The inflexion in his tone causes Dong Sik to pause but it's the heaviness of his gaze that renders him almost dead.

Surely not.

"Han Joo Won-"

"-You'd only have to do it once. Only once, I promise. I just need to know what it's like- I can figure out the rest on my own. I just..." his hand finds the back of the sofa, just a fraction off Dong Sik's neck. He leans forward, utterly desperate, determined, diabolically tempting.

He almost looks like a wounded puppy when he says with so much genuine frankness: "Please, Lee Dong Sik."

Dong Sik wished he knew what to do but Joo Won has always had a way of catching him off guard when he least expects it. He really wished he didn't hold such a large and obvious soft spot for this side of Joo Won's personality. But what can he say? He likes his men pathetic.

Really, he should keep him waiting, as it'll be good for the inspector's ego. But why would Dong Sik miss out on an opportunity like this just because he doesn't want to seem too keen?

"Just once?" He asks and ignores how his body sings when Joo Won bolts upright with an unprecedented amount of attention on Dong Sik. Only on Dong Sik.

"You can be honest if it's terrible or tell me to stop whenever you want. We don't even do it for- I just need to crack this case."

The case? Is that what you're telling yourself?

"Okay, Inspector Han. For the case."

He doesn't know what he expected, really. Sure, he's thought up some possibilities over the years he's known Joo Won. But this? Han Joo Won particularly launching himself onto him just a few days before Valentine's Day with the ruse of an undercover kissing assignment? Yeah, ridiculously enough, that should have been one of them. Thankfully, he manages to hold back a nervous laugh and instead focuses on the warmth of Joo Won's mouth.

Because that is Joo Won's mouth on his. A little too firm, a press too hard, but soft, nevertheless.

It's also Joo Won's aftershave he can smell: woody and sweet and insatiable. For a second Dong Sik thinks that this might be it: an innocent peck on the lips between friends. But then Joo Won's delectable figure seems to be rumbling with something not too similar to the roaring desperation he once displayed in Dong Sik's basement.

And with it and because of it, he moves his lips.

It's awkward. The rhythm is disjointed and the angle is a little uncomfortable. But It's Joo Won, so Dong Sik angles his head just so and lets their lips fit into place.

They kiss at a leisurely pace, letting the other get used to this new sensation. It's peculiar just are real this all is: from the way their mouth seems to fit almost perfectly together, to how Joo Won's hands feel criminally good holding onto the back of his neck like a lifeline, even to how none of it feels peculiar at all.

It should be scary how right it feels to be doing this but Dong Sik can't detect an ounce of fear in his body. Which is just...

He deepens the kiss, not giving a shit if it's a bad idea. He's good at those but painfully, remarkably, unbelievably, what they're doing feels the farthest from a bad idea.

Some people are into this: taking another person's first time. Dong Sik never considered himself to be amongst that group but there's something almost primal in the way he feels to be granted this opportunity. Dong Sik isn't possessive but when Joo Won's overly enthusiastic tongue clumsily swipes against his bottom lip, begging for an invitation, for permission, he can't help but feel the need to protect this boy. Protect him and have him all to himself.

The sensation only grows as their tongue dance together with Dong Sik's guidance. Maddeningly, Joo Won is receptive and eager and paying so much attention. Oh, Dong Sik could get used to this and that is the most damning thing of all.

Joo Won grabs his top and pulls Dong Sik's closer until there's only their apparent wantonness between them. He could pull him onto his lap, Dong Sik thinks clearly, allowing the thought to send a shockwave of electrocuting pinpricks throughout his body. It shouldn't be this good, Joo Won isn't even that skilled, it's far from the best kiss Dong Sik's ever received but... it's Joo Won.

It's Joo Won's mouth he's exploring with each considerate flick and swipe of his tongue, it's Joo Won's body that's becoming as malleable as putty under his hands, it's Joo Won who's kissing him back with just as much eagerness.

It's Joo Won... It's always going to be Joo Won.

Dong Sik isn't taking. How could he be doing something as crass as taking Joo Won's first kiss when Joo Won himself asked for this - inviting Dong Sik over to his place, letting him in as shy as a mouse - because Joo Won wants this. He wants it. He's never wanted to kiss anyone before.

Fuck.

Dong Sik can't stop the moan that passes from his body into Joo Won's. Regrettably, the inspector pulls away. "What's wrong?" Joo Won asks, out of breath and beautifully drowsy.

Of course, he misinterprets even Dong Sik's positive reactions. Aish, what are we going to do with you, Inspector Han?

It really isn't fair how lovely he looks like this: lips impossibly pink and cheeks blotchy beyond decency. He doesn't move far away, keeping their breaths mingled in the little space between them. "Did I do a good job, Lee Dong Sik-ssi?"

Oh, God, he's just so goddamn considerate and sweet, and just so... himself. Fuck you, Inspector Han. How was Dong Sik ever meant to go on with his life as normal now that he knows this side of Joo Won?

His inspector - his kissing partner - is waiting, getting more and more restless, petering out to the point of worried. That won't do. Maybe Dong Sik doesn't have to go back to normal... Maybe he doesn't want to. Maybe he can stay right here, for a little longer.

"I wasn't paying attention," he lies, letting Joo Won feel his fib against his lips. "You're going to have to do it again."

Joo Won doesn't hesitate.

Yeah, they can stay here for a little while longer.

-

I don't know what came over me but here we are 😂😂 I haven't written their dynamic in this way before, so it might not come across the way I intended. But hey ho, it's Shitmas Eve (where I am), so let's live a little.

I hope this was enjoyable and okay for me to write your idea but to also take it in another direction. I just couldn't get over the idea of Joo Won being forced to work a kissing booth as part of an underground assignment 😂😂

Thanks again! TTFN

[professional-jaywalker]

Hey there, woodpecker therian here! Clothes/accessory ideas, please?

Huh well let's see.

So as usual for me, i always recommend masks, not quite a cloth/accessory idea but I'll still take a second for it, like last time i'll mention dragonartist15 if you have the materials to 3d print out and assemble a mask (in France we have free access 3d printer in some places, gotta pay the material but not the machine). They have a woodpecker mask, will come up if you just type their username, Etsy, and woodpecker. For other therian watching, works with other species, especially birds and dinosaurians but there are skulls and non avian creatures too.

If you want a sillier, less realistic mask, there are one of those dumb rubber mask for woodpeckers, apparently, in the pidgeon or horse mask fashion.

Now for the more low key general stuff :

birdlifestore.com seems to be a site for graphic t-shirt based on eco-friendly/conservation messages, and birds. There is one woodpecker t-shirt on here, but will mention for Bird Purpose overall. Not much but hey.

Shovava makes wearable shawls and clothing with a lot of inspiration from birds. I own the saffron wings one, that superficially look like roadrunner wings. There's also a few non bird ones (butterfly, snow leopard, wolf/deer...). They are expensive, but worthwhile and very good quality.

Birdcollective.com is another bird clothing site. A bit expensive, but very cool designs. They have woodpecker patches and a t shirt. (And even some roadrunners :]). They seem mostly based on American fauna, and have a monthly patch subscription if you're into that.

gotta mention effinbirds.com for Funny Swearing Bird t-shirt. Do not worry about the NFT tab on the site. just click on it.

Redbubble has stuff but be warned that you will wade through ton of woody woodpecker stuff. As a roadrunner and beep beep and coyote victim, i feel your pain. Here's a few user with woodpecker and general bird content (mcm653, Steven stanich, lottibrown... You can find it easier through going through Google image honestly)

Bird pins and patches are pretty easy to find usually, since bird watchers aren't rare by any mean.

I'm pretty sure it should be possible to create a "bird tail" to attach to one's hips in the way canine attach theirs. Wouldn't recommend taxidermy or real feathers for "like 99% sure whatever you are it's illegal" reasons but if you have feathers that are in fact not illegal have fun. Otherwise, making a fake in the same way cosplay artist make fake feathers for costumes should work. Honestly just one accurately colored long tail or wing feather as a keychain attached somewhere would look pretty damn cool

But yeah that's about what i have for you.

[orange-chair-of-doom]

I watched all Velma (2023) HBO and it's bad.

Be careful (don't watch it, it's bad, but if you want to try (remember 🏴‍☠️ is the best option) SPOILERS AHEAD [tw images with gore, blood and vomit]:

I watched (with my personal streaming company called Arrr! Yo-oh-oh!) Velma hbo and I found it so unsatisfying.

tldr; show is garbage. Unfunny. Boring. Crass and Gross. The pacing is all over the place, they can't decide what they are (comedy, thriller, satire or sitcom) and it's bad. Dialogues are cringe and are AI generated from tweets around the internet. Characters have no grown, no evolution. They end as they started, also many more miserable than before, because of Velma. The show should be called "Performative Activism: Velma the Series".

This is the summary of the fucking show:

My first problem: Velma character

Like it ends how it started. The protagonist Velma is annoying, infuriating, piece of garbage, the most unsympathetic character I ever saw and I mean I grew up with my big brothers watching Simpons, Futurama and Family Guy, I know that there are character who are born to be hated...

But she is absolutely the worst, no redeeming quality. Even when the fucking show tried to make you feel sympathy for her (they try so damn hard) you just end up hating her even more. Seriously I have no idea how the manage to do that.

My biggest problem: The Pacing

The pacing is all over the place. They try to be funny and they fail, they try to be self aware and it's hideous (and if you don't die of cringe, you want to close the internet tab and never watch it again), I sincerely hope they weren't try to be a commentary of real life, because it's even worse than when they make meta joke.

One moment they are cracking an unfunny and raunchy joke, the other they try to be serious and make you care about the absolute shit show this characters are, the next they are back making a sexual joke or making fun of a cultural stereotype. It doesn't work.

I ended watching the last episodes wishing the killer succeeded and murdered every characters. The killer was right. Kill off every one, go ape shit, please, please, please kill Velma first and then the rest.

And, spoiler, they manage to make me hate even the killer and their fucking motives, because honestly? It was so in character for the show, but so damn boring and frankly unnecessary mean. The whole show is mean and I'm a fool, because I had hope that they could be more deep than just plain hate and mean spirit.

They say hate is the real thing that unify humans and, unfortunately, they are right, this is the case, they proved this with the Velma show, with the response of the public. People bond easily when they hate the same thing. Probably this the reason I wanted to be proven wrong, why I search so desperately a bit of people bonding on friendship, in a show born from hate and generally hated. What a fucking fool I am.

But alas my foolish dreams, the show is a mess. There is no evolution, things happen, people exist and never grow up. Everything happen and then it's forgotten, it would be cool in a sit-com, but here it's a serial, you need to make me feel a story. They tried to be too many genres at once and nothing works out.

They try to be a thriller and almost succeeded. The mistery at one point was the only thing I cared for. The characters could die and burn all, honestly. I just wanted to see what the hell was happening with the killer and their motives. But it all crush and burn, because the killer is just the same as all the other characters unfunny, uncanny, mean spirit.

And so I ask if the only thing that differentiate between the big bad of the season and Velma is that one (intentionally) killed more people than the other, what the actual fuck was the message? For who am I supposed to root for? The garbage or the stinker garbage?

They try to be a sitcom and it's fucking awful because the characters are so damn unlikable you don't want to watch what they are doing, you don't care about them, and if you are a little bitch like me, you just wish they fail and never show up on the screen. Also it doesn't work, because again they frame the story as a serial, so you don't have a real end at the end of the episode and the classic sitcom reset of the next episode (so that the characters un-progress and static personality make sense), you frame Velma as a long sitcom season, but it doesn't work. A single episode sitcom is not supposed to go on for ten episodes like Velma did. Also it's not funny, like at all. I can think of three (3!) funny jokes in ten episode of twenty minutes each and one of them was physical comedy in which (thank god!) they didn't talk.

They try parody (?) or satirical parody (?) I don't even know what they were supposedly trying to do. It was satirical? It was actual comedy? It was so unclear I didn't understand. I watched ten episodes and I still don't know if the "jokes" were actual satire of how people on twitter talk or if it were actual joke and the direct meaning was that. Frankly I'm too scared of knowing the answer now.

The whole thing was a mess.

The commedy (?)

Somebody tell the writers that when you write a character being mean to another and try to make it funny, the audience need to hate the character who is the bottom of the joke for some reasons.

Like Sophie. If you present a woman and her only fault is existing, marrying the protagonist's father (which he's also an asshole), having a baby and not being the perfect wife/girlfriend/nurturing woman, it's not a right reason to hate her and her baby and using them as punch ball for half season. It's not funny, you just watch in horror thinking you wish every one in the show die and burn.

Or having a character, Gigi, and her only reason of existing is being the alternative love interest of Norville, is not good. Just to be discarded as an used toy in the last two episodes with no explanation and no characterization (and I mean it, I didn't even recognized her because the only time she talks in the last two episodes is repeating somebody else) after you make me see her as a strong, independent, likable (and for this show is huge, I'm not exaggerating when saying nobody is likable) character. Are you fucking kidding me? Like that she never was a protagonist. For fuck sake, this show is not even coherent with itself. This is the last time we see her:

Edit: My bad writers made Gigi so fucking unnecessary I forgot there was another one appearance in the last episode. She is just a plot device, she has no soul. She defend Norville and say that Velma is a terrible friend and person. She is right, but how she said it was not really a character speaking, but a writer desperately trying to move the plot forward since we have 15 minutes left and multiple loose plot string and still no mystery solution in hand. This actually another way they try to mix teen drama and thriller and doesn't work at all.

(This is were my confusion as if this is satire or actual comedy exacerbate to stellar levels, because performative activism is such a twitter thing, but at the same time the whole show is performative activism with witty lines, it's like an AI writer modelled the whole reading only tweets. So I have no idea, was it to make you see the hypocrisy of the whole performative activism or am I using to much brain power and it's just a stupid and empty show? Logically I would say it's the second one, but I have this stupid hope to wish the best from people.)

The dialogue

Don't make me start with the dialogue. They don't seems real, they are just people on the internet with a maximum character for posts. Unfunny, mean spirit, no deep at all.

I am so fucking tired man.

The show ended as it started. Full circle.

Velma

Velma didn't change. She is a piece of garbage. She succeeded to have back is mum at the expenses of the happiness of ALL the people around her. She made so much apologizes and yet she never changed, never learn, they were all fake apology so the could get over it and help her to move the plot forward. I'm not exaggerating. Everyone is sad and miserable except her. Was it supposed to be a happy or satisfying ending? Because I have bad news for the fucking writers. She has her mum, she fucking lock her father, the woman he love and a new born baby half sister outside the house, framing it as a joke and not a fucking abusive action.

The summary of Velma's character:

She prefer being happy at the expensis of everyone else's and the weird thing is that the show doesn't frame it as negative, toxic and abusive, but as joke???

Norville

He is miserable, he lost his girlfriend (the only healthy relationship she could dream to have), his house is half demolished because of Velma, he cannot sleep because he feels guilty after killing a person because she was about to kill Velma and his dad just says: "Have you tried marjuana?" Cementing the sensation the fucking writers do not know how to write emotional scenes, healthy relationship and about mental health in general without ridicoulzing every subject to an unfunny level.

Daphne

Daphne is back as she was fighting to auto-regulate but this time a little bit healthier exercising fight with her mums. She has a toxic relationship with Velma (I have no fucking clue if they are still together romantically or not, I'm inclined to think they have broke up, because fucking Velma says the wrong name when confessing to her after the mystery is solved. I hope Daphne run the far away from any kind of relationship with Velma, bc she is a toxic, manipulative, piece of trash. Daphne deserves way better), still has no real friends because the popular girls are awful, Gigi has lost her characterization along the way of becoming not an accessory for Norville to have. So yes, that's the end of her character. Isn't been a strong and female character not enough to be a good written character?

Fred

Fred lost his mum, he's stupid and the punch ball. He had a evolution (with feminism and social activism) and than an involution in the last two episodes (he forgot everything, why? I have no idea, I think the writers just are bad at keeping tab of they own characters characterization, also this is part of the sitcom quirk tabula rasa after the episode ends, here does not work at all). His father is a moron and hates him, like a lot, like abusively lot (but here in this world it's just funny). He gets a van with should be the mistery machine, but it's just another nostalgic trope to be ridiculed and mistreated, because it funny? You get it? You get it? It's funny making fun of memorabilia from the original show. And even after all this somehow he is the one who is most grew??? How the fuck is possible? How? You understand my frustration?

Gigi is just a background character. Just like that. She has no more lines in the last episode. She just quietly disappear. I'm angry and relived because that was awful, but at least now the writers cannot make me hate her or ruin her beautiful character arc.

Velma's mum (Diya) should run while she can, because her daughter is awful human being. But in the ends she just laugh with her daughter at his ex-husband, his pattern and their new born baby lock outside the house. I'm not

Velma's dad with all his faults, because he's the same as Velma, like she has all his bad habits and jerkness, should also run and start a new family away from Velma.

That's it this is how it ends. She's screaming: "Happy Dance!"

I hoped they could get better, become similar to the franchise we all love, being a mystery gang with a very rocky start, but now I just hope they never ever get together and that next season will flop even harder than this one, burn and crash.

The fucking end.

Don't watch it. It's not worth it.

If you want to see the show with a commenter who makes everything more bearable I have to suggest this amazing youtuber:

Brittney Reacts

P.S. Don't harass anyone who likes it, do not harass the writer, do not harass Mindy Kaling. Just because this show is garbage you do not have to be the same

[alwayscraftynight]

Was gonna put a response to your art concepts in the replies but it didn’t fit so I’ll just put here

1. YESYESYESYESYES. So pumped that you’re planning about making a comic about Jacob’s past. Seeing your interpretation of what he was like before canon, and how he eventually became the person he was in Yesterday’s Lie would be sick. Also I really like his outfit, it’s nice to see him out of the ol’ blue jeans and brown coat

2. I’ve never been one to involve Jacob in romance or romantic interests because the stuff doesn’t really interest me, but this is really fucking funny. I’m just imaging after Camila constrains Jacob in the cage he’s both going “Augh those damn alien bastards, they’ll rue the day they crossed me!” and “why was that hot why was that hot why was that hot”. Also as a side note, very appreciative of how you drew Jacob in a mellowed state. That’s how I often imagine him because it’s how he acts in my fic, and it is very starkly contrasted with how he acts in both the show and fanworks. So it’s nice to see a high quality drawing of him like that that isn’t a shitty sketch I made in the corner of my school notebook.

3. I’m not a subscriber to the belief that Jacob is a descendant from the Whittebanes, but this looks neat. I’m assuming this is gonna play some role in that Jacob and Phillip team up comic, where one or both of them connect the dots and realize that they’re related.

All in all, very cool stuff

Welcome back! I've been planning the Jacob backstory comic for a good while, it feels good to get some of those ideas out onto a screen. It's a topic that especially interests me since there's a lot of room for interpretation, like what even was this guy like before he went off the deep end? Im glad you liked the outfit, it brought me joy since he looks like such a dork DJRKDMMD. In terms of Jacob and Philip being related, I'm not sure if they'll figure it out in the AU yet, I kinda just wanted to give Caleb a wife before he ran away with Evelyn and I thought it'd be a neat opportunity lol. All in all Masha's probably more closely related to the Wittebanes than Jacob is realistically. It could be subject to change, I'm pretty much going off of what's been in my head for this project and stuff has already changed quite a bit. Also I just thought that Jacob having a thing for Camila would be funny lol. I have to put that man in weird predicaments for my own amusement.

Anyway I'm glad you like the stuff👍 See ya.

[stolenrocket218]

uhhh more Control art i guess. i wanted to post a drawing of how i imagine Theodore Ash, Jr. to look. as per the usual because Tumblr likes to destroy image quality, tap for better quality.

he's a bit scruffy, as you tend to be when you spend all of your time within a cave!

and here's a silly comic i drew as well that's one part me coming up with The Funny and two parts me struggling to draw hair.

dialogue is written out below if you can't read it

Panel 1: You know, I really like my job. Nothing about it I'd change!

Panel 2: Ted! Get me that damned report!

Panel 3: There is one thing I'd change.

[lawain-dimensional-heroes]

imma vent a lil about Pokemon Scarlet and Violet even though I don’t own a switch nor do I plan to buy it if I do get one someday, so Imma just put it under a keep reading tab in case people don’t want to see people talk about the game, even if it’s not story related or not related to the Pokemon themselves even though.

Gamefreak...How the FUCK are you, a wealthy ass gaming company still have shitty animation to this day? 

I could forgive the trees from sword and shield because while yes it is shitty, I can see y’all are somewhat trying to make a working game, but god from what I’m seeing from the game from what can be seen on twitter make me realize how unfinished the game is.

From the player character who I honestly feel doesn’t have any personality in terms of design, to the bug where the legendary mount isn’t visible (which ngl, it’s kinda funny seeing the bug, but a bug is still a bug), to what I consider to be the thing that shows that this game is going to be a hella rushed game (and that’s saying something as someone who saw the early trailers of Sonic Frontier): The god damn sandwich eating animation.

Like seriously! How can the player’s model’s EYEBROWS look like it’s not parented to the model itself? Like seriously-- it’s floating by what? I saw pictures of it even clipping through the player’s hat.

Speaking of the eating part-- are we seriously going to believe that the player sliding to the center and basically taking a bite out of nothing whilst the image of the sandwich in the background is quality enough?

Yes, I’m being nitpicky here, but compared to Sword and Shield’s animations for the player this is just outright looking like it’s made by a soulless company.

[millimononym]

(click image for better quality cuz tumblr always kills it)

so i hit an art block and just wanted to try drawing something. So i tried to somewhat stylize a shadows player and then decided to draw sinedd to fill the space after (and with accurate height difference because i think it's funny/cute).

I actually like the sketch of the shadows player and it was easy to do but Sinedd was harder,mostly because he's human and humans are harder to stylize than the GF aliens in my opinion. You can also see he's stiffer rather than having a pose cuz of it. Though it actually worked out in the end cuz it looks like he's trying to look serious/intimidating which i imagine is kind of hard to do when you're that tiny compared to your teammate 💀

Also idk if anyone noticed but i put Sinedd in an ACTUAL shadows jersey cuz the show just painted over his Snowkids one...cmon man was it THAT hard to give the guy a v-neck black shirt with 4 damn stripes on it? 😭

[unearthlytwilight]

so... 20E complete!

spoilers: he was hit and also did not crit. this run is surprising and not always in a good way

Liveblogged thoughts (long, lots of swears and images, one video) below:

Huh. I guess Nils just gave Ninian a power-up. Sure, that can happen.

cute that she has Ninis' Grace equipped. I remember getting that back aaaaall the way back in 7x.

also, remember that that chapter boss was so scared of failing those assassins that he took poison after he died? feel like that might be relevant soon

Eliwood really letting her help because he wants her to feel better. what a guy

hot damn, a Restore staff! also the lady getting mad that it's the middle of the night is funny

I forgot there were wyvern riders this map. the poison was annoying

the enemy monks suck. not sure if that's just light magic being bad or enemy quality but :/. also I forgot this game had enemy monks. Black Fang enemy monks at that! that's relevant to a magic system lore tidbit

Ninian got a level! didn't catch a screengrab but it was all the stats she can get I think so. yay

Fiora also got a level! at least she's getting strength (Florina callout post)

FUCK Oleg moves. he missed though so it's fine

stole his Hero Crest. maybe take some dodging lessons here, Eliwood, I have it on good authority Canas loves teaching

I know it's just because of the blinking but. the smug in this image. Eliwood clowning on Hector will never not be funny. friendship goals

oh look it's Eliwood acting out of noblesse oblige rather than simple niceness again. it's almost like it's an integral part of his character

*item get sound* Isadora get! because the game apparently thinks I need 5 cavaliers. I do not

not gonna use you, Isadora, but you make some good points. also you're pretty

still really like [Mark]'s integration into the story. they're a presence and acknowledged but they're not the focus. unlike some more recent games *cough Fates and Engage cough*

not a lot to say here. just good power of friendship stuff

man, I understand that you're trying to to be nice but... your father literally died in your arms very recently. please stop apologizing it's uncomfortable

yeah! power of friendship. it's executed pretty well here.

this plot decision is... confusing. the main villain sits around twiddling his thumbs while the Black Fang plotline happens. we already know his motives, but he doesn't get to act on them for quite some time because reasons. on the other hand, it's nice to see an FE dad actually accomplish something with his death

...I'll go into how this is handled later. suffice to say I have issues with it but not the usual ones.

a miniboss squad, you say? fun times! anyway, off she goes to do crimes

this becomes 20 times funnier when you consider later revelations about Sonia. that's all I'll say for now.

and so Limstella valiantly journeys offscreen to murder important people. iirc they aren't relevant for a while so. that's happening

next time: stat snapshots! 21E has lots of plot, so while that's happening you all can look at what horrors level-up RNG has wrought on the blorbos

[catnipcatastrophe]

Homestuck reread Act 1 Part 2 (Pages 27-51)

< -= PREVIOUS

In the last part of the reread. We got introduced to two Characters. John Egbert And TG. We left off at John about to look out his window. This time John gets to finally Look out His window, Hurrah.

> John: Look out window.

You see the view of your yard from your window.

Hanging from the tree is your TIRE SWING. In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL.

Right I'll make a note of how to be a proper gentleman for later so i can do the exact opposite of that.

And there beside your driveway is the mailbox.

And theres the mailbox.

> John: Examine mailbox.

Oooohhhh he's got the reflection of outside in his glasses thats pretty neat.

The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped up!

What the hell is that thing called anyway. You do not have time for these semantics. The red flippy-lever thing means you have new mail. And that means the beta might be here!

I don't know if thats true or not I've never experienced that kind of mailbox. The only Mailbox experience i've had is the one in the neighborhood where everyones mail goes and sometimes packages when the packages aren't delivered to the door.

> John: Go outside and check mailbox.

You are about to hurry down stairs when you hear a car pull into the driveway. It looks like your DAD has returned from the grocery store.

Oh great. He is beating you to the mail.

> John: Forget it. Check mail later.

Wow that sounds very defeated. He just gave up instantly. Looks like he doesn't really want to interact with his Dad either.

If you go down stairs to get it, he will likely monopolize hours of your time. You decide to chill out up here for a while until the dust settles.

Ah. He just wants to play games with his friends. Understandable.

Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room. Stuck, if you will, in a sense which possibly borders on the titular.

Haha. He's stuck. In room. Roomstuck.

And now your chum is pestering you again. The clockwork of friendship turns ceaselessly, operating the swing-lever dealies of harassment in perpetuity!

Whatever. The dude can just hold his damn horses.

Whoa John does Not have the patience for this.

> John: Examine games on CD rack.

Finally something to interact with that's not text. Also its just links to other places.

You've put countless manhours into this assortment of quality titles.

> John: Read COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT.

You decide to consult with the Colonel's bottomless wisdom. Good grief this thing is huge. It could kill a cat if you dropped it.

This bit is really fucking funny rereading it. How many people got caught off guard when friggilish/jaspers fucking died from book.

But to really dig into this hefty book, you will have to captchalogue it. You are not sure you are ready to logjam your other ARTIFACTS beneath it just yet.

Is logjam a word?

It is.

> John: Captchalogue fake arms again.

What did you just say?? You don't want to clog up your...

Oh, Jesus. In a momentary lapse of concentration, you accidentally captchalogue the arms again.

ARMS OBTAINED

> John: Set Pesterchum status to "bully".

You don't think the situation is quite dire enough to go all the way to "RANCOROUS", but you still feel the PESTERCHUM client should reflect your mood change in some way.

"BULLY" will have to do. You guess.

This unsurprisingly does nothing whatsoever.

I have two sides: :D and D:<

Oh, right, you forgot your chum is still pestering you.

> John: Answer chum.

[not showing the image with the page this time its just the computer again but with TG saying something different also wow that textbox is small]

TG back with the tutorials for John. Also TT gets a mention here.

Don't think i didn't notice John joking about being attracted to TG, TG saying thanks and then John instantly backpedaling with the "jk haha" i WILL be remembering this for later.

> John: Combine fake arms with cake.

That. uhhhhhhhh. sure? I guess????????

You stick the FAKE ARMS in the CAKE on your bed.

This definitely makes the CAKE at least 300% more hilarious. You're sure COLONEL SASSACRE would know the precise index of elevated hilarity.

Who is Sassacre anyway is he a real person I never checked that

Looked it up I don't think he's real.

> John: Allocate hammer to strife specibus.

Oh look at all of those Abstratuses there are.

why the fuck is there a fireextkind. How is that a weapon?

You check the back of your STRIFE SPECIBUS for the KIND ABSTRATUS you have in mind for it.

> John: Select "HAMMER".

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS has been ALLOCATED with the HAMMERKIND ABSTRATUS.

The HAMMER has been moved from your CAPTCHALOGUE DECK to your STRIFE DECK.

Aw yeah here we go he has the weapon.

> John: Report progress to TG.

It will be very relevant.

> John: Captchalogue Colonel's big book.

Now that you've got some space in your SYLLADEX to work with, you figure you might as well start squandering it immediately.

Ordinarily this ridiculous book would be way too heavy to carry around in any practical way. You guess maybe this is one respect in which the cards present some convenience.

How Long has captchaloguing existed in the homestuck cannon anyways. At what point did someone find out how to do this. Like holy fucking shit if this was real this would be incredible and useful and probably expensive.

> John: Examine GameBro Magazine.

> John: Read article.

NGL that guy kinda looks like Logan Paul. Or Jake Paul. probaly one of the two the only thing i really know about them is that there was a controversy at one point.

> John: Captchalogue GameBro.

It might come in handy if you ever need something that burns easily.

Just a hunch but I don't think John likes GameBro.

> John: Captchalogue magician's hat.

You expend your final card on the MAGICIAN'S HAT.

> John: Get funny glasses too.

We can't forget about the funny glasses how else will I know when to laugh.

You don't have a free card in your SYLLADEX!

However, you are able to MERGE the BEAGLE PUSS with the MAGICIAN'S HAT to create a CLEVER DISGUISE.

It's called a Beagle Puss?

Okay then.

> John: Wear disguise to fool dad.

Holy shit it's Zoosmell Pooplord.

John? Who is this "John" you speak of? You are quite certain there has never been, nor ever will be...

Keeping note of this one for later. Which is to say Act 5 Act 2 later. Which is a really long ways away. Yeah, this is a really shitty disguise. While you are wearing the items, they remain on the card, but it is temporarily removed from the deck, thus freeing up the cards beneath it.

That sounds very helpful.

Oh and the cursor is here again for the third time unless i forgot one.

> John: Leave room.

Oh It's a poster of Zoosmell Pooplord. And a Harlequin.

You exit into the HALLWAY.

On one wall hangs a picture of a fella who sure knows how to have a laugh, a man after your own heart. You always thought he looked a lot like Michael Cera. But your DAD swears on the many HALLOWED TOMBS of Egypt that it is not. You're not sure about that though.

That would be because it's Zoosmell Pooplord, and not Michael Cera.

On the other wall is one of your DAD'S stupid clowns. Or HARLEQUINS, as he is quick to correct anyone who would venture such brazen assumption.

> John: Go downstairs.

The accursed odor of fresh baking wafts into your newfound nostrils. Something is brewing in the KITCHEN. It must be the connivings of your arch nemesis, BETTY CROCKER, and the rich, buttery aroma of her plot stinks to high heaven.

Little did he know how right he was.

This mission is going to be more difficult than you imagined.

> John: Admire harlequins.

You check out the shelves of FANCIFUL HARLEQUINS.

Look at this fucking garbage. You hate this stuff. Funny is funny, but your DAD sure can be a real cornball.

Sometimes at night you pray for burglars.

Holy shit i forgot how much he fucking despises those things.

> John: Examine fireplace.

A bright orange flame flickers in the FIREPLACE. It doesn't matter that it's April and not terribly chilly outside. In a home, a FIREPLACE needs a fire, because that's what FIREPLACE is for. A fire BELONGS in a FIREPLACE, dammit, cata(ptcha)gorically, at all times, without exception.

As domestic myth of unaccountable origin holds, a home borrows the spirit of the flame for as long as it makes a guest of it, much as the moon takes liberty with the sun's rays.

"The moon's an arrant thief, and her pale fire she snatches from the sun." -Mark Twain

You are almost certain Mark Twain said that.

Mark Twain did say that I would know I was there.

> John: Toss GameBro into fire.

It doesn't burn as quickly as you hoped.

Each GAMEBRO MAGAZINE is guaranteed to be printed on 40% recycled asbestos. For big ups to Mother Earth, yo.

And there goes GameBro. Goodbye Gamebro you will not be missed.

> John: Fondly regard cremation.

I don't think He's going to regard it very fondly.

And thats another 30 images and 51 total pages down. Hurrah.

Tune in next time for when John regards the cremation of GameBro.

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