#imagine how awkward it must be to spend your last remaining time with your humanity with the guy who murdered your fiancé

[otvlanga]

Hc: Miraak has a huge crush on the LDB but doesn’t know how to convey his feelings and is just super awkward with romance in general

okay LOOOONG post time because I love last the dragonborn/first dragonborn shit OKAY. Very long post because god dammit, I ramble too much. This might sound like a toddler wrote it.

Miraak literally hasn’t seen another human being in 4,000 years, he probably loses his shit when the feeling of just being attracted to someone punches him in the face. 

He’s just chilling on a giant book in Apocrypha, dipping his toes in the ink water or something and planing how exactly he’s going to kill the Dragonborn to the very detail. Then they actually arrive in Apocrypha, and the very fibers of their souls are screaming out to each-other like “same hat!”, and it feels like every inch of himself is burning on the inside, while the outside remains blandly mild in the stale humid air of Apocrypha.

But he’s a strong minded man, so he swallows it down and continues on with his edgy monologue. He tells the Dragonborn he must kill them, but he can hardly bare hearing the words come from his own mouth as they’re paralyzed on the ground right in front of him. He can practically taste the power radiating off them, layers and layers of dragon souls woven together and wrapped around their own soul, the very soul he knew the in’s and out’s of despite not knowing a thing about the person that it belonged to. 

And THEN the poor man’s brain is like “oh no they’re hot” and he's dealing with emotions and thoughts that he hasn’t had since before the first era. He can’t even remember the faces of anyone he used to know, or whether or not he liked looking at them. All he knows is that he’s seeing a face that looks so foreign but feels so familiar, and he does like looking at it, and he doesn’t know why he does. All he knows is that the dragon soul inside of him is thrashing within it’s flesh prison, desperate to be as close as possible to it’s only match. 

Dragons by nature, are not empathetic or familial creatures. They can be, as such is the case with Paarthurnax, but it is not an instinct they have embedded in them like mortals do. Miraak is a human, cursed to the same raw feelings as any other would be. Dragon souls vibrate with each other on a level that human souls do not. A dragon can always feel another dragon. 

That sense of automatic familiarity paired with the inherent human desire for love and belonging? Paired together they do not bode well for a man trying to kill the only other living being in the universe who understands him. The only one. Every dov is a piece of Akatosh, all siblings in a special way, but no dragon will ever think, feel, and care the same way humans do. He could never find solace in the company of a dragon. 

Now that their souls have had a glimpse of each other, every moment he spends thinking of killing them sends the dragon inside of him wreathing in agony and distress, something dovah are not accustomed to feeling. Before he realizes it, he’s going out of his way to appear in spectral form in front of them to absorb the souls of their kills. He finds himself speaking to them, lingering for a few moments longer than necessary, invigorated just by the feeling of being near  them in an intangible spectral form.

He tries to convince himself that all these odd things he’s feeling are just his inner dovah aching for the power of absorbing their soul. He tells himself that after he kills them, it will all go away, and he’ll be able to finally tear free from Apocrypha. (hes dumb forgive him its been a while)

He has no need to show off, all he needs is to get the job done and over with as quickly as possible. And yet, he casts Dragon Aspect on himself without even realizing it, dancing around them in combat and stalling, using the Thu’um when he doesn’t even need to. He doesn’t realize that his actions mimic a dragon’s, bringing as much focus on themselves when they want to appear boastful and magnificent, rare moments of civility and friendly indulgence where they bask in each other’s vanity and challenge each other in friendly competition. 

The dragon companions he keeps with him in Apocrypha are very confused as to why he’s technically doing the dragon equivalent of flirting when he’s supposed to be killing them and reaping their power. Humans are so weird amirite?

If the Dragonborn spares him and finds a way to free him from Apocrypha and team up with him, he would not be able to properly address or recognize his feelings for a long time. It’s not until he’s grown accustomed to seeing couples hold each other close in the cold and whisper sweet things to each other, or heard a few sappy love songs/poems from bards that it starts to dawn on him. And when it does, he’s distressed because he remembers next to nothing about what it means to care for someone. Even in his time as a Dragon Priest under Alduin’s rule, he didn’t get to indulge in petty things like love and affection. His role was a full time commitment. Of course he had seen people courting each other outside of just having children, but he had never experienced that himself. 

He’d show his affections in very strange ways, because he isn’t quite sure how to say it, and he’s still in partial denial of it all. It would be borderline annoying and obsessive things, like insisting on healing all of the LDB’s wounds even when they’re perfectly capable of doing it themselves, or needlessly jumping in front of them during battles with dragons because he gets over-protective without realizing it. It gets to the point where the LDB has to pull him aside like ”bro what the fuck is your problem it’s getting exhausting” and then cue the cheesy awkward and dramatic fanfiction love admission trope. 

also do u like, know how INSANE it would be to the rest of Tamriel if TWO Dragonborns of legend teamed up, let alone got married or something? They would probably be two of the most important and powerful people alive. Especially with all the forbidden knowledge Miraak had obtained over the few millennia he spent in Apocrypha. Like, I’m serious. If they defeated Alduin together and saved the world? They would probably be worshiped. They would almost be Talos level of worshiped, eventually. 

also just like imagine if they took power over the Empire. Like, a Dragonborn emperor and Dragonborn (whatever your ldb idenitifes as, empress/emperor/sovereign/etc) and maybe secured a new ‘Dragonborn’ bloodline/heired family. And the LDB would have Odahviing and Parrturnax on their side. Just imagine the power they’d have. 

I’ve been meaning to write a fic about that for a long time actually. I’ll get to it soon I swear.

[pandaluc]

Fated To Be Apart; Together By Heart

Pairing: Zhongli x g!n Reader

Genre: fluff, hurt with no comfort

Warnings: mentions of war, death. slight mention of blood and corpse, grammar and spelling mistakes.

Zhongli was a man of composure, sincerity and wisdom. Yes, he often forgets about mora, but his personality is not all that. In fact, he was a loving man. A reason why you had fallen in love with him. He had so many experiences, and you admire him for that. One of his many experiences is death. He had lost so many loved ones, to the point where whenever he meets someone, he will always tell himself to prepare for their death. Because of his years of living, he got used with deaths... but do you think that such will be applied to everyone? Or maybe he secretly prays to the celestial gods to protect and save a particular someone from death? Will the celestial gods hear him?

You and the traveller were friends ever since the two of you talked to each other in Mondstadt. A reason why you were friends is because the both of you are travellers, seeking the same thing - to know more about this unknown god. Ever since the two of you knew this similarity to each other, you would travel Teyvat together. You both were like duos - you would plan things out while they act these plan out..and well Paimon would be the source of your mental strength, cheering the both of you up if times get rough. Alas, you and the traveller reached Liyue, and met this man named Zhongli. Just a day being with him made you look up to him so much. From his words to his beliefs, you. admired them. Even if he did not have mora with him, some part of you admired him for that since he doesn't pay too much...attention, yes, to prices. He was smart, caring, and gentle. Little did you know that that exact moment, Zhongli had also admired your stories and personality.

Time goes by, and you fell for him even more. As if every minute you spend with him, there is warmth in your heart. Everytime you look at his shining eyes, you end up being in awe.. what a beautiful man, you tell yourself. Though you were careful with being in love with him. From what you knew, he was a mortal while you are a traveller of realities being thousands years old. But alas, it has been made known to you and the traveller that he is an archon, alive for more than 6000 years. You felt better with being in love with him, and thought that maybe that is one of the reasons why you felt some strong connection between the both of you.

After you and the traveller saved Liyue, the traveller had to leave you in order to go to Inazuma - a closed nation that unfortunately, you cannot go in. Though you were sad that you have to leave the traveller in Inazuma, you were happy when you realized you could spend more time with Zhongli alone. And so, the both of you did. Each day, the both of you fell more and more in love with each other to the point where you cannot handle your feelings being hidden anymore. So you confessed. Part of you were scared, but you knew Zhongli was mature enough to not let your friendship fade away if ever he doesn't like, no, love you back.

"Does this mean that we break our friendship now?", Zhongli's words startled and hurt you. "Why..? You don't have to love me back, I am alright with that. But why must our friendship be ruined because of my feelings?", you ask him looking straight at his eye as you do everything you can to not let your tears escape your eyes. "If two people become in love with each other, don't they leave the stage of friendship and proceed to be in a relationship together?", Zhongli replied in a stern yet blushing face. Yoh look at him with shock and jokingly hit his chest. "First off, why must you scare me like that? How rude.. And second, where did you learn how to say these kind of things?". A part of you was upset that he had scared you like that, but you still had a wholesome smile in your face, a result of happiness because he had felt the same way towards you all along. Zhongli simply chuckled, which is quite rare, to your flustered state and proceeded to put one arm on the back of your head, pulling you to a hug while your head relaxes against his chest.

And starting that day, you and Zhongli was in a relationship. At first, it was quite awkward. After all, Zhongli never had been into a relationship or at least, been years since he had been into one again. You're relationship was also private. The both of you did not do pda too much. But behind closed doors, Zhongli loves to hug you and put his head on top of yours, relaxing to your embrace as he forgets all of the cruel things in this world. One day, the traveller came back to Liyue to perhaps bring you in Snezhnaya with them, but you preffered to be selfish for once and declined. You still wanted to know more about the unknown god, but at the same time, you are already contented with the life you have with Zhongli. The traveller understood that and made their way in Snezhnaya, you reminding them that if they need anything, they could ask you for help.

Zhongli was quite surprised with your decision. He did not want to be a distraction to your goals, however, you insisted that it is alright. In which he became secretly happy about. He is, after all, very in love with you. So much that no word can describe the amount of love he has for you. As an archon, he had met a lot of people and lost lots. He was used to it, and often times, he would prepare himself if anyone he meets dies. But you. He knew that he was nowhere near prepared to see you dying, or simply disappearing from his life. He wanted you to stay. And he will do everything to do so. May it be strict contracts or bloody fighting, he will do it just so that you will stay alive. He at first thought that it was pathetic for him to act and think like this all because of one person in his life. All because of you. But instead of burying himself with these thoughts, he simply decided to do everything he can to make you stay. Everyday, he thanks the celestial gods for such a wonderful partner and asks them to protect you with all their might.

But alas, all lovely days come to an end. The traveller's experience in Snezhnaya sadly was very complicated. It caused the fatui to attack Liyue and Mondstadt. It caused Venti and Zhongli regret losing their gnosis because now, all they can rely on is human power and celestial gods' mercy to protect their nations...

A lot of people in Liyue proceeded to hide from the fatui, going through mountains and forests just to survive the war going through. The adeptus, as well as those with visions and the traveller, was doing everything they can to help Liyue. You decided to help as well. Zhongli, at first, was hesitant. He did not want you to fight as your chances of dying will increase. All he wanted to do was for the two of you to run, hide, and if anything happens, simply defend yourselves together. But no. A part of you thinks that if only you had went with the traveller, none of this could've happened. You had a tearful argument with Zhongli, just so that he could allow you to fight while he runs, saving himself from the war. Before leaving him in a cave both of you found and hid in, the last conversation you had with him happened.

"Please..dear. Please stay safe. Please do not die on me. I trust you, but I hope you know that I can never manage to lose you."

"Zhongli, my dear, you know that I cannot just leave Liyue to suffer when I have the power to defend the nation."

"But I cannot afford to lose you. I rarely do these type of things, but I am begging you to go back home harmless and safe."

"We both have lived for thousands of years. We both know that this was bound to happen."

"I do know that such is bound to happen, but I am not prepared to lose you. I never want to lose you. I want the both of us to spend each day in our life together. So please, don't just leave me. Promise me that we will still be with each other, together, even after this war."

"I will try."

You refused to look at him as you two had this conversation. But you know he was crying. You know he was suffering. You knew, however, that you need to help defend Liyue. And so, you bid your last goodbye as you left him miserable.

He waited for you. He remained awake at night, hoping to see you just by the cave entrance. But you never came home. However, he still waited. He wanted to keep his promise to you to stay safe no matter what. A day of waiting, turned into three. Three days of waiting had turned into five. Five days of waiting, turned into a week. He trusted you. He listened to you. He prayed to the celestial gods. But he cannot sit in the cave anymore, simply waiting for you. He went outside with his polearm, and tried to find you.

He went to rivers, lakes, and forests but he cannot find you. After a few days of searching, he finally sees you. Your cold rotting body, dried blood all over you, your eyes and mouth open. It was a sight he imagined might happen but he never wanted to see. He ran to you, cupped your face. Uncontrollably, many tears had fallen from his eyes as his hands shake while holding your dead corpse. He lost you. He was too late. He felt stupid. He should've done more to make you stay. And now, you're dead. The one he loved so so much, is now dead on the ground. He screamed, not caring if there is anyone near by or if there are any fatui members that could hear him and kill him. He found life suddenly useless. He found his heart empty, mind filled with so many regrets and memories of the both of you. He thought to himself why must it end this way? He was mad, sad, disappointed... Even if you were dead, he held your cold hands and hugged you for one last time.

What he did not however was that you were still there. That the celestial gods had listened to the both of you - that the both of you will stay together. However, you are only there beside him as a spirit that he is not able to see. You felt horrible. You tried your very best but you failed. And now, the both of you are covered in tears. One decision. Only one decision of yours was what led the two of you to this.

The war had ended. Lots of people died, including you. Ever since the day you died, you followed Zhongli everywhere as a spirit. You would hug him, kiss him, and hold his hand especially when he cries about your death. You know that he won't feel your affections and hear your words, but you stayed with him just like how you would as a human.

Maybe Zhongli became slightly crazy. Maybe he knew that you were a spirit. Maybe it was just his way of coping. But a lot of times, especially when he is alone, he would pretend that you are still with him. Everytime he cooks food, he pretends to talk to you and tell you about his day. Everytime he eats, he always put on two plates on the table, one for him and one for you. Everytime he sleeps, he leaves a space for you and wears a shirt of yours, and hugs the pillow you used to lay on, and he does not decide on washing anytime soon. Even in times where he would take a walk, he would have one hand open, pretending that you are there to hold it. Some had noticed this habit of Zhongli, especially the traveller and Paimon. They would think that such coping mechanism is unhealthy and will just hurt him more. Some also thinks that it is quite delusional of him to do such things. But they preferred not to tell him these because they knew how important you are to him. They knew how your death affected him so much, and decided to just let him be.

Bonus:

He and Childe are still friends in some way. Childe indeed was a part of the fatui, but was against with the war that happened. In fact, he helped the traveller and tried to save you. It was also because of this war why he had left the fatui and hated it instead. Sometimes, Zhongli and Childe would have a conversation together. Childe would even cook for Zhongli at times. And since he knows how Zhongli copes with his loss, he would make sure that there is an empty chair for you anytime, as well as a plate of food meant for you. You can't help but feel sad and happy at the same time. You were sad to see Zhongli like this, miserable and dead inside. But quite, just quite, happy that he still acknowledges your presence even if he does not know you as a spirit, but knows you as a part of his memory and imagination.

Author's Note:

Felt like writing hurt today so here, I feed you this. Archons know how much grammar and spelling mistakes are in this post, so forgive me for that. I don't know if it is sad enough to make people cry, but I wish it is because that is my goal after all. I love y'all and stay safe, have a good day <3 sorry if this is also ooc, i main zhongli but uhh :D i only know osmanthus wine

[obeiii-mee]

So, I finally finished part 2 for the original ask. I’ve had a bit of trouble with writing the twins because I think this would affect them particularly bad. I hope you enjoy all this angst, cuz I sure as hell didn’t im fucking sobbing alright?

Pt. 1

Enjoy!

————————————-

The Brothers Reacting to MC sacrificing themselves to bring Lilith back, Part 2:

Satan:

-Satan felt like the stupidest demon in DevilDom. He was supposed to be the intellectual, the logical one, the one with more than a few spare brain cells to work with. And yet he never twigged there was anything going on with you. The signs were all there. You had asked him for very specific book recommendations for the past few weeks, about the Celestial Realm and the full power of souls. He even let you borrow some from his own collection without giving it a second thought!

-In hindsight, your goal was very obvious but at the time, he hadn’t even stopped for a second to consider it. It just didn’t seem like something you would be capable of doing. But you did. Of course you did. You were the most driven human he had even met. You managed to live for a full year with seven of the most dangerous demons in hell and make pacts with them no less, so anything is fair game when it comes to you.

-Lucifer and Lilith found him in the library, like usual, reading what seemed to be a very graphic book on different wars that took place in the human realm over the centuries. What can I say, the man wanted to know more human history for your sake. He was one of the few brothers who hadn’t even noticed you were missing and never thought anything was amiss. Sure, he missed your presence but the cynical fourth born isn’t exactly paranoid.

-Now, if it was Lucifer alone that had come to check up on him, Satan would have been very tempted to just ignore him. But obviously he noticed a slightly smaller, less threatening figure next to him and he forced himself to look up from his book. Lowkey hoping it was you because he often complained his brothers got to spend way too much time with you. Satan and Lilith technically never met, face to face. However, I like to think that since Satan was born out of Lucifer’s wrath, he has a small connection with his memories and therefore Lilith. After all, Satan was the only one that never participated in the war or actually fell down as angel.

-He never met her before. Yet he immediately recognised her as she came in. She had every trait you would expect an angel to have. Except she wasn’t an angel anymore of course. She was dead. Or at least supposed to be. Lucifer just stood in the doorway as she approached him. Lilith fidgeted in front of him as she tried to come up with the right words to introduce herself.

-“I’m really happy to actually-“

-She didn’t get to finish because Satan had embraced her almost immediately, almost like he was on auto mode and couldn’t help himself otherwise. She welcome the gesture, glad their first meeting wasn’t as awkward as she had predicted it would be. The eldest brother was watching, slightly in awe because, as far as he knew, the only person he had ever hugged before this was you.

-Of course, the spell had to be broken. Lucifer knew better than to step in and allowed his sister to explain. Satan was going to have a bad reaction nonetheless, but he might become even more aggressive if it was him delivering the news. Lilith never had to deal with this particular brother of hers or any of his fits but somehow, it was like she knew what to do.

- Their sister did her best to explain it to Satan as calmly as possible, as if that would make much of a difference. Satan remained oddly quiet throughout all of it, showing no reaction besides a neutral one. Lucifer found this strange. Yeah, his brother/son was usually the silent type, the sort of demon to think, not speak. But he expected some sort of emotion in there. Anything, really. Anger definitely. Maybe sorrow and misery. But not this.

-Lilith noticed the shaking before even Satan did. His body had just started convulsing on its own as he processed the idea of you laying there, unmoving and cold; dead. He involuntarily clenched his fists and he had to sit down before his legs gave over. Lucifer was still outright confused while Lilith struggled to soothe her brother. He hated feeling like this. All vulnerable and weak, like the skies of hell will fall on him and crush him. He was Satan for fuck’s sake. He was probably considered the most fearful creature in all of existence. He shouldn’t be feeling like this.

-But of course he did. You were always able to do that to him, bringing out that soft side of him he never knew he had. Or at least refused to acknowledge he had. The funny thing was, since you were the one being subjected to that side of his, he didn’t mind. Because you are MC, a literal ball of sunshine. Nothing him and his brothers deserved but you were still willing to spend time with them. The least they could have done was to protect you.

-They couldn’t even do that

-He couldn’t even do that

-Satan is even more retreated now than before, more hostile toward his own brothers and basically everyone else. He will snap at anyone for very minor reasons and lock himself up in the library even more than usual. Anything to get his mind off how much he must have disappointed you. It hurts too much to even hear your name being spoken. God forbid they choose another human to come down there as an exchange student because he will unleash all of his wrath on them on your behalf. How dare some lowly human try to replace you? He’s more prone to fits of anger now too. Long gone is his self control and calmness.

-The one person that understood him was dead. The one person he allowed himself to be close to and genuinely kind to was gone forever. Satan will never get over this. Or the fact that you were smiling so brightly before you died.

Asmo:

-He’s just so sick of it. So so so sick of it. So sick of watching everyone he cares about either die or get taken away from him. If he was a mortal he would have probably gone crazy. Maybe he already reached insanity and just didn’t realise it. After all, everyone has a breaking point, even demons. And once you go beyond that point, your whole world will shatter.

-To him, it seems almost impossible that just that morning he had seen you at breakfast, laughing along with his brothers and overall just being the intriguing, silly human you were. You were right there! Right in front of him, talking to him like it was any other day. And now he has to deal with the unbearable fact that he will never hear your voice again.

-Asmo was out, hanging out at the Fall as usual, when he realised he had missed several, frantic calls from Mammon, who at that point wasn’t aware that you were long dead.

-He brushed him off, initially, thinking his brother was just having another one of his melodramatic moments. So the fifth born went around Majolish, basically buying everything he could get his hands on to ignore the uneasiness creeping up on him. He could feel something bad was happening. He just didn’t know what.

-At this point, he was a bit unsettled which is very unlike him. He is pretty optimistic as a whole so seeing him so startled and on alert was a sort of disturbing sight to see. Lucifer called him after lunch and told him to come home. Normally, Asmo wouldn’t have taken his older brother’s words too seriously but hearing his strained voice on the other side of the phone forced him into action.

-He rushed home, faster then he had ever done before., because let’s be honest, he prefers being outside of the house more often than not. He searched for you everywhere, but you were nowhere to be found. However, he bumped into Lucifer and Lilith in the middle of the upstair’s corridor in his frantic search for you.

-Unlike his brothers, Asmo noticed Lilith immediately, way before he even acknowledged his brother. It was such a shock to him that he thought for sure that he was hallucinating, though things like that never happened to him beforehand. Asmo stopped breathing for what felt like centuries because he didn’t want to raise his expectations, he didn’t to be disappointed if Lilith truly wasn’t there and he was just making her up. He didn’t want to deal with the grief once again.

-However, Lilith remained exactly where she was and flashed him one of her brilliant, warm smiles that he had loved so much back in the Celestial Realm. That he, on more than one occasion, tried to copy because he wanted to have as much in common with Lilith as possible. He wasn’t imagining her and the moment he realised this, he threw himself at her, the worry of his hair being ruined long forgotten and now his only concern was that she would dissipate in thin air.

-Lilith did not yield and embraced her brother, she gave enough hugs today to last her a lifetime but she couldn’t be happier to see her beloved brothers again. It took every ounce of strength on Lilith’a part not to burst into tears from both joy and sorrow.

-Lucifer hated this. He hated having to cut in the happy moment and lay down the bad news. But he had do it. Because no one else would. He was the eldest. He was responsible for everyone. A sadist he may very well be, but it absolutely destroys him to see his brothers suffering from such extreme distress. He told Asmo everything as bluntly as he could, thinking that ripping the bandaid straight off would result in a better outcome.

-It did not.

-Mammon’s reaction to your death was expected, but Asmo’s took both Lilith and Lucifer by surprise. They didn’t expect him to be as emotional as he ended up being and both of them handled it awkwardly because the Avatar of Lust was usually such a confident and admirable creature, it felt weird to see him act in such a way. He fell to his knees in a moment of pure despair and cried enough tears to drown himself in them later. He sobbed for a long time and did not stop immediately, instead going through several stages of weeping, from hiccuping to panting and then back to crying. It was an endless cycle of sadness.

-Lilith half carried half dragged him to his bedroom, while her other brother watched, a bit mesmerised. Asmo usually loved having company and now that his sister was back, he 100% needed it but at the same time, he wished to remain alone for a while. It would be painful but he needed to gather his feelings in one place before he could even put together a conclusion on how he was feeling. So they both left and with the door closed, all the air seemed to suffocate him and drag him into endless despair.

-Asmo received a lot of damage from your death, changing his personality very abruptly. Compared to his brothers, his change in attitude is not so subtle and now he basically hates anything that reminds him of you. He no longer enjoys hanging out or clubbing at the Fall or even go shopping anymore unless it’s necessary because those were things he used to do with you! And now, they seemed so pointless he often wondered what was the point of actually doing it. The only sort of satisfaction he gets is being in your room because if he closes his eyes, just for a moment, he can pretend you’re still there with him, whispering words of comfort to him.

-Yes, he still has one night stands and tries to seduce people left and right but it’s a sort of distraction more than anything else. He doesn’t do it out of need anymore, but out of desperation to get you out of his head. He’s also been sneaking to the Human Realm a lot as of late, as if hoping to randomly bump into you up even though it’s not possible and he knows it. He’s just torturing himself further. Hopeless. Just hopeless.

-You made him feel so much more than just Lust. And now that he had you, even if it was for just a short amount of time, Asmo knew he would never feel that way to anyone ever again. He would never fall in love with anyone ever again.

-He knew the risks of getting attached to a human. He knew how much he would suffer in the end. After all, humans are mortals, they are not destined to live for long. And yet he went and did it anyway because you were too amazing to ignore. You gave him something he never realised he yearned for and you left before he could reciprocate.

The Twins:

-Neither Lilith nor Lucifer was surprised to find the two of them together, relaxing in the attic. It’s common knowledge at this point that the twins have a hard time being separated. And especially more so than before after the whole attic incident, which concluded with them refusing to leave each other’s side. Usually, you were with them too, of course, for good measure. Obviously, they weren’t able to find you anywhere like everyone else. Belphie got tired of searching and just suggested that they go upstairs and that eventually you’ll joking them.

-Lucifer was, understandably, extremely worried at how the twins would react to all of this. Just seeing their adored sister in the same room as them would be more than enough to cause them to malfunction. But if he let them know that you died mere hours ago? And for smuggling Lilith’s soul back into existence no less? It would be chaos. At least with his other brothers, their reactions he could more or less predict. But the twins were slightly different. Especially Belphie. You can never really tell what goes on inside his head.

-Beel noticed his sister before Belphie did. He was so taken aback, he tumbled backwards and off the bed, accidentally dragging his twin with him. It was quite a comical fall actually. Lilith would’ve laughed if it wasn’t for the circumstances. She missed them, of course. Truth is, she missed all of her brothers and their memories back in the Celestial Realm. It always hurt so much to think that she could see them but never really interact with any of them. Except through you since you were heir in a way.

-Beel was a mess, first of all. You can easily imagine the distress he was in at the sight of his little sister. His dead little sister. Dead because of him. It might’ve been centuries since Lilith fell from the heavens and got transformed into a human but he continued to carry that burden with him because how could he not? He should’ve been able to save both Lilith and Belphie even though, logistically speaking, it would’ve been impossible. He saw the despair in her eyes right before she disappeared below the clouds. That image had and will haunt him for the rest of his eternal days.

-He was on his knees before her in a split second, grabbing the hems of her sleeves and sobbing into them as if the whole of DevilDom was about to crash down on all of them. Beel was yelling incoherently, switching between begging for forgiveness and stuttering mid sentence, unable to get the rights words out. The whole mansion was filled with his distraught weeping and he just couldn’t stop.

-His sister knelt down and embraced him, almost awkwardly because of the position they were in, as she began crying as well. Out of exhaustion more than anything. She’s dealt with so many breakdowns in one day that she couldn’t handle holding her emotions in anymore. With the death of her descendant and the sorrow of her brothers, she wished from the bottom of her heart she had just stayed dead because everything would have turned out alright that way.

-Belphie was more cautious. He stood at the back of the room, watching as his sister hugged Beel and sort of held him in a way that would quieten him down. Careful. He casted Lucifer a glance, as if to ask “what the hell is going on?” before once again staring at the ridiculous sight before him. Usually, he wasn’t one to look to his eldest brother for help. There was some dangerous hatred he harboured for him deep in his heart after all. But he was so confused and conflicted, he couldn’t fight the urge to seek guidance from him.

-Lucifer didn’t know how long it had been since he last saw his youngest brother be that openly vulnerable. It felt like an eternity now, to be honest. He was like a rock hard, clamped sea shell since their fall as angels. He walked over to him and placed his hand on Belphie’s shoulder. For the first time in millenniums, his brother didn’t try to swat it away.

-“Lilith is back.”

-That was all he needed. Those three words. As soon as Lucifer finished his sentence, he ran straight into his siblings who were still crying on the floor. He almost bulldozed them over if it wasn’t for Beel’s strength. The youngest landed on top of them, almost starting to cry as well. Beel, seemingly tired himself out so much that he went a bit limp in Lilith’s arms, still gripping onto her for dear life as if she were on the verge of disappearing again.

-“MC is dead.”

-It was a horribly timed moment to drop that bomb in, to be fair. Lucifer tried saying it as casually as he could but he could hear his own voice crack and see his own hands tremble. His mind was focused but his body had betrayed him. The twins were so into the moment, so glad to see their sister after all this time, it was almost like they didn’t hear him. So he repeated the statement, this time in a more composed manner. Belphie immediately reacted. He got off his siblings and straightened his back, glaring at Lucifer in shock from the other side of the room. Beel stayed where he was, but craned his neck to gawk at Lucifer, who was standing solemnly, waiting for the predicted chaos. Lilith closed her eyes and winced.

-Beel was in outright denial which was surprising. He wouldn’t, or rather refused, to accept that you could be dead. I mean, the idea itself was propestrous, right? You’ve almost died once and you managed to outdo death. Or more accurately, your future self did. You could do it again, couldn’t you? Just the image of you laying dead somewhere was enough to send him in panic and another, this time almost silent, meltdown. He seized fistfuls of his hair and pulled, as a method of escaping the pain that came with the thoughts of you and death being correlated in any way. If Lilith’s death wasn’t enough to push him over the edge, this sure as hell was. Could demons go insane? Probably. Beel certainly felt like he was. Even with Lilith there comforting him, he had the impression he couldn’t stand or even look up from the floor.

-Belphie didn’t make a move to aid his brother or help his sister. He stood, teeth gritted and jaw clenched, staring at his oldest brother with an odd gleam in his eyes. For a few moments, he was motionless. Then, he turned on his heel and marched out of the attic, slamming the door behind him so hard that the whole room shook. Lucifer didn’t try to stop him. It would be meaningless anyway. He wouldn’t listen to him. And his sister was still occupied with Beel, who kept mumbling with tears trailing down his cheeks about everything being his fault and not being there when he should have.

-The twins did not even go through the same stages of mourning their brothers did. Beel was dealing with the grief of someone incredibly close to him by eating even more than he normally would, causing his siblings quite a bit of concern. But they couldn’t argue much. He was the epitome of gluttony in the end. Belphie didn’t change much in terms of his daily activities. He slept as much as he could during the day. And at night, he stargazed as he always did. But more bitterly than usual, despising the fact that he wasn’t going to enjoy another starry night with you ever again. He didn’t blame you for dying. He was angry you left and to do something so stupid as bringing Lilith back in return for your lost soul. He was angry you couldn’t be selfish for once and let yourself be happy with them.

-He was angry at Mammon too. He learned he was supposed to be with you earlier that day. He wasn’t. And now the two aren’t speaking. For some reason, he is slightly upset with Lucifer too but that is only because he was the one who delivered the sad news. But most of all, he was very furious with himself. Because he promised that he would never let anything happen to you again after the whole choking incident. He swore on his honour as a demon to protect you and he couldn’t.

-Don’t tell him they’re bringing another exchange student in. He will kill them. He 100% will kill them. He doesn’t want to replace you. And neither does Beel. He would probably eat the new student within a few minutes. But it would take a while until all of that is sorted out. After all, even Diavolo himself is bound to be mourning in his own way. Not like you were meant to know, but you were definitely the favourite child exchange student.

-It wasn’t fair you had to leave. It wasn’t fair that you didn’t even get to say goodbye. It wasn’t fair that the three of you couldn’t spend more time together. Beel won’t be able to ever taste your cooking again and Belphie won’t have anyone to cuddle with in the morning and be generally lazy with. And again, they had even more of a reason to curse their father for ruining the one good thing that’s happened to them since their glory days as angels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-The 7 brothers will continue to grieve your death for the rest of eternity, be assured. Their sister just as much of course. And at some point, the whole of DevilDom had to in a way as the prince himself wasn’t his usual, peppy self. At least Lilith’s presence had a calming effect on them but not one that could compare to the trauma of knowing you were truly gone. They would wait and with time, there will be healing.

-Except time doesn’t heal anyone’s wounds. It just teaches them how to deal with the pain.

——————————————————————-

This took so much longer than planned, Jesus Christ! I guess I was really unhappy with it at some point and gave up, then sort of rewrote it which took a while. And now it’s done! I’m sort of proud on how it turned out. A bit cliche but I feel like it created the right atmosphere. Also, the last quote above is a favourite of mine that I thought would be a good idea to add in.

The twins are joined because I thought it would not only save time but also make more sense since the two are together almost all the time. Hope no one is upset I didn’t do the twins separately, it would’ve taken even longer then!

To add, 1,080 followers???? Wtf, I haven’t even posted anything in a while, thank you so much! You’re all too nice istg.

@doggonudez asked me to tag them in this post, so I hope this actually works lmao.

Al~

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Celestial Realm Was Perfect

(Part of the half-demon series, this fic takes place in the early part of season 2)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 2.5 Part 3 Part 4

This one is REALLY angsty, so be prepared, it’s got a... somewhat happy ending? I can’t exactly write something depressing and not make everyone feel better at the end... I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a while though, so I hope you all enjoy!

((Content warning: mentions of wings being torn off, nothing too visceral))

L!MC: Lucifer’s Kid!MC | M!MC: Mammon’s kid!MC | A!MC: Asmo’s Kid!MC

The Celestial Realm was perfect.

L!MC finally understood exactly why Luke sang its praises so often. The little angel had made it his personal mission to paint the perfect picture of the place to L!MC to convince them that it was just so much better than the Devildom. It seemed that Luke didn’t need to stretch the truth that much, the Celestial Realm was aesthetically perfect.

It was just a visit, mind you. Word had gotten up to the Celestial Realm about the three half demons and just about every high ranking angel was practically falling over themselves to invite the rulers of hell and the children up for a friendly visit. Diavolo of course, accepted immediately.

One would think L!MC was worried about how the angels would react to them, a half human half demon child, but that would be ridiculous. L!MC didn’t worry about dumb trivial things like that, the fact that they stuck close to their father and attempted to hold their head up high like he did was just a coincidence.

Their worries were completely unfounded. The angels made their awkward greetings to Lucifer, who responded coldly and professionally, but all the awkwardness faded once they laid their eyes on L!MC. They doted and cooed at them, asking about school and friends they had made.

It reminded L!MC about all the human family gatherings they had been brought to, the entire experience was complete with cheek pinches and hugs from people they didn’t recognize. It didn’t matter, L!MC basked in the attention.

“You look just like him, but just look at that smile!” Uriel chirped. “Lucifer never gave us a smile that bright.”

“Not even as a little kid?” L!MC asked, Uriel shook his head.

“Nope!” Uriel grinned cheekily. “Legend has it he came into existence scowling about something or other!”

Lucifer sighed and grumbled nearby, turning away from the two angels he and Diavolo were talking to. “Uriel, do you plan on being like Simeon and spending all your time gushing about me as an angel?”

Uriel seemed to shrink back slightly. “N-no... why would I do that?”

L!MC had to withhold a giggle, it seemed Lucifer had the same affect on angels as he did on the lesser demons.

The angels had been nothing but sweet, they doted on A!MC and M!MC in a similar manner. L!MC couldn’t hide their smile as they continued their walk through the Celestial Realm. It seemed Luke was right about another thing, the Celestial Realm’s inhabitants were the perfect hosts.

They imagined how their father must have looked back then, they knew only the bare minimum from the ramblings of Luke and the time Diavolo spent gushing about how gorgeous Lucifer was. Six pure white wings, a halo, celestial armour that shone in the light, making him as bright as a star...

It must have been a truly gorgeous sight to behold.

L!MC imagined how they may have looked... white wings, a halo, pretty flowy clothes, a life in the Celestial Realm. They paused the daydream and laughed softly, it was so bright in the Celestial Realm they would need to be constantly be wearing sunglasses!

Asmo was pulling A!MC around and pointing out all the things he deemed, A!MC looked around with starry eyed wonder.

“Oh! I remember this place! Beel and Belphie ended up falling down those stairs more times than I can count. It’s a miracle they didn’t get hurt!” Asmo then smiled brightly and examined his reflection in the shining marble staircase. “A!MC, don’t we look great? We should make all the staircases in the Devildom shining marble!”

A!MC half nodded as they stared up at the sparkling buildings. “Yeah... marble...”

L!MC tore their gaze away from the pair to see M!MC on Beel’s shoulders, pointing and laughing at the... somewhat awkward shape of one of the spires. “The view up here’s great. Jealous, Belphie?”

Belphie scoffed and shook his head. “Enjoy it while it lasts, kid. I’m up next.”

The group was led into one of the buildings, a really old and absolutely gorgeous parliament building that almost made MC’s jaw drop in sheer awe. Angels milled about inside, casting curious glances at the group as they walked through. Paintings lined the walls with frames almost as magnificent as the paintings themselves. And of course, the floor was just as clean and shiny as all the marble staircases.

The Avatar of Greed had slowed his pace considerably, quieting down and slinking to the back of the group. L!MC, who was in the middle of the group nearly rolled their eyes. Of course Mammon would be sneaking off to try and steal something.

As Mammon disappeared down a hallway with no one but L!MC the wiser, they took it upon themselves to go after him. And to think, when MC first got there he thought he’d have to babysit them...

L!MC snuck away from the group, everyone too preoccupied with their rosy nostalgia to really notice their absence. As they sped through the hallways after Mammon, they noticed the farther they went, the fewer angels there were, and the less grand the building became. It slowly morphed into what a human world’s storage building’s hallway looked like. No gorgeous paintings, no sparkly floor, and the doors that were open contained row upon row of shelves containing files and folders. The files would sometimes float on and off the shelves, moving themselves around and sometimes float out the door and down the hallway.

It wasn’t creepy per say, just a bit odd. L!MC picked up their pace as they caught a flash of white hair disappear into a room as they rounded the corner.

“Mammon!” L!MC hissed, they moved closer to the door. “Mammon! I’m going to tell Lucifer if you steal something and cause a-”

Mammon burst out of the room, his face drained of all colour. Upon seeing L!MC he wordlessly grabbed their hand and pulled them away from the room. L!MC tried to steal a glance inside, but Mammon yanked them forward and shook his head.

“Don’t go in there.” He said, his tone unusually serious.

“Why? What did you see?” L!MC asked as they tried to keep in step with the taller demon.

Mammon whirled on them, his eyes wild and sweat beading on his forehead. He stopped suddenly and put his hands on their shoulders. “L!MC, clean the wax out of your ears and listen. You can’t go in there. Nothin’ good’s in there. Got it?”

L!MC hesitated, what was in there that could have spooked him so much? They slowly nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

Mammon let out a deep breath and patted their shoulders. “Good... now we should get back to the others.”

The glare Lucifer gave Mammon did nothing to alter the second-born’s strange behaviour when the two returned to the group.

“And where exactly did you two disappear to?”

Feeling the need to cover for their uncle, L!MC responded with a smooth practiced shrug. “Went off to try and steal something. Don’t worry, he didn’t manage to nab anything. Don’t bother with punishment, either. The state I found him in was punishment enough.”

When L!MC would make a fool out of Mammon to get him out of a punishment, he’d usually scowl at MC and agree with the story, but that time, he only nodded.

“Yeah...”

Not very convinced, Lucifer kept a much closer eye on Mammon for the rest of the tour.

L!MC, A!MC, and M!MC had made plans to meet up with Luke later, but L!MC had forgotten their DDD at the parliament building, so they had to quickly turn back and grab it.

Their DDD was placed on the front desk, evidently some kind soul found it and placed it there for the owner to find. How nice of them.

As L!MC turned to leave, they paused. What exactly scared Mammon so much? They took one step back, then another, and another, and soon they were rushing down the nearly empty hallways.

They reached the door, which was closed, but the lock had remnants of magic being used to open it. L!MC snorted and twisted the doorknob. Of course Mammon would find the first locked door and assume there was treasure inside.

L!MC swung open the door, only to find a completely pitch black room, they had to blink a few times to see if they were seeing things right, a completely dark room... in the Celestial Realm of all places? This couldn’t have been what freaked Mammon out so much, sure he was a little afraid of the dark, but when the dark freaked him out it didn’t make him go completely wooden. If anything it made him louder.

Demons could see in the dark no problem, but even L!MC was having some difficulty. They felt around for a light switch and flicked it on. The room was... completely empty save for a crystal ball in the centre. Ignoring any and all red flags, L!MC walked over and tapped the crystal ball, it’s milky surface remained the same. Sure... this whole thing was kind of creepy but there was nothing to be that afraid of-

L!MC felt their stomach drop as gravity seemed to abandon them and they felt themselves fly upwards after a massive ball of light enveloped them. When they felt their feet touch the ground, they blinked a few times as their vision returned to them. Their breath hitched in their throat as they looked at what stood in front of them.

On a pedestal, encased in glass, was a small pile of shining gold feathers. MC didn’t dare breathe as they stepped closer to view them. They were so completely gorgeous... every slight movement made them twinkle and sparkle, L!MC could only imagine what they might have looked like attached to a pair of wings.

L!MC reached their hand out to touch the glass, completely mesmerized by the beauty of the feathers, they called out to them to hold them, to take them, return them to where they belonged...

The half demon felt their conscious get ripped from their body the moment their fingertips touched the glass.

The angel loved his wings, the whole world knew it. They sparkled and glimmered in the light of the person he held in the highest regard. They made a good pair, the two of them.

In a world where the angel could not keep too many material possessions, he took pride in caring for his wings, they were his most prized possessions, after all. Every time he took to the sky he basked in the admiring glances the other angels gave him. They were truly perfect, even the fact that he was a rampant troublemaker couldn’t stop people from staring in awe at his wings.

As a young angel when they first grew in, he lamented at their upkeep, but as he grew, he learned to love this part of himself. These were his wings. His brothers and sister often compared his to the eldest, he’d always tease that he may have only had two wings, they were still better than all six of the eldest’s. The eldest brother would always scoff and shake his head, a fond smile on his face.

He is glad.

One strike to the base of his skull was all it took. One hit from someone he once called a friend sent him falling from the heavens after the eldest.

He is glad that he was unconscious when his most prized possessions burned.

L!MC snapped their hand back and nearly let out a scream. They shook their head frantically as they stepped back, knocking their elbow into the crystal ball. They felt themselves lurch upwards again.

This time, they were placed in front of a broken bow. The bow itself was silver, intricate gold designs were etched in its surface. Such a beautiful creation should have never seen battle...

Refusing to be tempted by the object, L!MC felt themselves get thrown towards the glass anyway, their palm slammed against the display as their conscious abandoned them for the second time.

He was jealous.

It’s a sin to envy one’s neighbour, but the angel did so anyway.

His brothers and sisters welcomed him home from the war with open arms. Hugs and conversations were exchanged, funny anecdotes and laughter were clear to hear from blocks away. The angel felt loved.

There was no more war to fight. The war with the demons had ended in a stalemate. The army of heaven no longer needed a general.

The angel felt useless.

A burden on the Celestial Realm. That’s what he thought he was. His siblings all had their duties, they did their jobs with a smile, but he had no job to do. No battles to fight in.

He envied their ability to feel needed. Maybe that’s why his elder brothers gave him the bow.

The bow itself was the perfect weapon, but it was never meant to be brought into battle. Each gold design told the story of a battle the angel had emerged victorious from, the battles that the army of heaven wouldn’t have won without him.

The bow not only told the tales of his greatest victories, it told the stories of his time with his siblings. The times he took care of them, listened to them ramble aimlessly about the things they loved and enjoyed. The bow told the stories of how his siblings enjoyed listening to him talk about what he loved dearly.

The angel cherished that bow more than anything else he owned. He put it on a higher pedestal than any of his militaristic achievements. He loved it dearly.

Such a perfect bow should have never seen battle.

One slash broke the bow, the next slash severed one of his wings. 

He fell like the rest of his siblings. His other wing was damaged beyond repair. And the perfect weapon that should have never seen battle...

The bow remains here. It remains here with the fallen angel’s sense of self worth.

Completely unable to hide their grief, L!MC snatched their hand back and suppressed a sob. These feelings were not only their own. They wanted to leave.

Slumping against the crystal ball, a familiar sense of weightlessness carried them to the next room.

The next room, L!MC almost pitched over and vomited at the sight. Wings...

A pair of the most beautiful and colourful wings they had ever seen. They looked like butterfly wings, but no human world butterfly could compare to the wings that stood before L!MC.

Though, there was something marring the beauty of the wings, the base of the wings where one would think they would connect to the angel blessed enough to have been born with, were torn and shredded. The injuries seemed almost recent as the wings sat perfectly preserved, the blood caking the edges seemed to glimmer slightly in the light.

“Don’t make me... don’t make me...” L!MC whispered. No one was there to hear their pleas as their fingers brushed the glass.

The Jewel of the Heavens was vain.

This was not an unusual thing to note, every living thing in all three realms celebrated and adored him for his beauty. It was only natural that he become at least slightly vain.

From his birth to the present day, all he had to do was bat his eyelashes and plead and everyone would fall under his spell. He was an adorable little troublemaker, beloved by all the Celestial Realm.

His wings came in later than the others, he longed to take to the sky like those he called siblings. When his wings appeared, so perfect and beautiful, he soared through the sky like the rest of his family.

They compared in beauty to the second and first born’s wings, but it truly couldn’t be fairly judged. His wings were different, they were unique. It certainly didn’t stop the the friendly jabs and competition the fifth and second born took part in.

It didn’t matter. Everyone adored him and his beautiful, perfect wings.

The wings that allowed him to help teach his younger siblings to fly as well, the wings that allowed him to monitor the humans and their affairs, the wings that allowed him to retain his fitting moniker as jewel of the heavens...

He did not have the luxury of falling with his wings like the eldest. We count it as a blessing that they were severed without damage right here in the Celestial Realm.

Now their beauty can remain without the sin they were attached to marring their perfection.

L!MC didn’t have the energy to weep like their body begged them to do. This wasn’t fair... they shouldn’t have come...

The crystal ball was not finished with them, it sent them onto the next room.

Jewelry. That was what was proudly placed on display in front of them. L!MC didn’t have the energy to fight against the pull of the item as their hand brushed the glass.

He loved his family.

The entire realm knew that. That’s why he guarded the gates so fiercely. He was going to protect his family, no matter what.

The Celestial Realm admired his loyalty. But his loyalty was not to the realm or to our father, but to those he deemed his true family.

The gold that adorned him was meant to symbolize his future as an angel. He would have gone far. A seraphim, maybe even an archangel one day.

He wore the gold with a sense of pride, the gifts he had been given for his love for his family. Even if they didn’t adorn him with all the love they could, he’d protect them all the same.

He loved them dearly.

The angel’s folly came from loving his family and not the realm.

That is why the gold burned his skin. That is why the scars remain today.

The gold burned so painfully he had to stop to tear them off of him. That is the only reason we didn’t lose more people to his rampage, he stopped to tear off the gifts the Celestial Realm had given him.

This is a good thing.

One whose loyalty does not lie with us does not deserve our gifts.

Slumping in front of the display, L!MC got a better look at the jewelry. It was bent in some places. They tiredly chuckled as the tears pricked at their eyes despite themselves.

It seemed the angel didn’t remove them carefully enough.

The next room, was odd. A stuffed doll stared back at them, it didn’t seem to be any particular animal, or a humanoid figure for that matter. Four limbs made of grey fabric, a blank face, and nothing interesting.

L!MC was less disturbed, but their hand moved to the glass anyway.

The doll was something he had found while breaking the rules.

The angel broke the rules flippantly, like most children did. The problem was it was never corrected. His older brothers doted on him and his twin, and it rotted him to the core.

One wouldn’t think that, he was sweet, he was curious, and he was clever. Curiosity is what led him to the human world to find the doll.

He lived for these quick little visits, he loved humans as much as he loved his fellow angels, he brought his dear siblings down to visit as much as possible. His brothers were not as taken with the humans as he was, but his sister loved them just as much.

The doll was the perfect souvenir. The youngest brother loved to rest, but he never shirked his duties. No matter how tired he was, he worked diligently. The doll was his partner in rest.

It truly was a perfect souvenir from a trip that never should have happened.

A doll should not be taken into battle, so it wasn’t. The battle was not won. So the youngest’s doll remains here.

Similar to the doll, the youngest should not have been taken into battle. He was not built for fighting. That is why he fell. His brothers doted on him, which is why his twin took the hits meant for him.

This doll remains here as a warning. Angels are not humans, an angel forgetting that fact leads to despair.

Silent tears rolled down L!MC’s cheeks. They wanted to go home...

They wished for no more rooms. No one heard their wish.

A sword. A dazzling sword with a diamond studded hilt and a wickedly sharp point was what awaited L!MC in the next room. This was a sword anyone would be proud to wield. L!MC’s breath hitched in their throat.

This sword was calling to them. It begged them to take it, it was their’s after all. L!MC felt their own magic flare up in response.

It was their sword.

Their hand touched the glass.

It was their’s... it had to be!

The Morning Star was the most perfect and beautiful of all the angels. He commanded the angels alongside his counterpart.

The sword he carried with him complimented his armour perfectly, and the armour his counterpart wore complimented him as well.

They truly were a perfect pair.

The two were raised together, they learned together, fought together, so it was only fitting that the two be gifted matching swords.

They were the pinnacle of what angels should be. The pair of them watched over the Celestial Realm with pride.

The swords should never have been used against each other.

Sparks flew as the swords clashed against each other, the sounds of the pair fighting was alien to the ears of all the battling angels. The Morning Star was losing.

He may have been losing, but he was a prideful being, and brings of pride did not yield to defeat.

He had been disarmed, the blades of his own sword rested near his neck as he looked up at his opponent.

The pair should not be fighting.

The Morning Star refused to yield. The Morning Star refused to grovel for the forgiveness of the realm. The Morning Star was prepared to die.

He didn’t. The one he had started the war for slammed into his opponent, knocking the sword away from him and levelling her own sword at the Morning Star’s adversary.

She demanded that he not lay a hand her brother. He did not submit to her command. They fought.

The angel would have helped. He would have gotten up to fight as well, but with no weapon and too drained to use magic, what could he do?

His sister’s battle took her farther and farther away, he needed to get to her, he needed to help her. He needed to protect her.

His sister’s opponent fell to the ground. She held the Morning Star’s sword in her hand. He felt a twinge of pride upon seeing her wield it with such ferocity.

The sword was not meant to be wielded by her.

He was just too far away. Too far away to protect her from the arrows that pierced her wings.

She was the first to fall.

He could not let her fall alone. He would protect her.

He would protect her like a brother should.

L!MC knew he couldn’t protect her. Not after she crashed through all three barriers that separated the realms from each other.

They had heard the story once and never wanted to hear it again. The story of their father’s greatest failure.

The half demon giggled as their tears spilled from their eyes. Their earlier daydreams of being an angel were ridiculous... they never would have existed.

No proper angel would ever be with a human. No proper angel would have a half human child.

They would never be an angel, and they didn’t want to be.

And the Celestial Realm didn’t want them to be either.

The crystal ball released them, they were back in the room where they started. A golden feather rested in their palm.

They checked their DDD. Only a minute had passed.

They silently walked out of the room.

L!MC forewent spending time with their friends. They found Mammon alone on a balcony, he rested his elbow on the railing and held his head in his hand. The wind lightly ruffled his hair. He seemed calmer than he did that morning.

He turned to look at L!MC, a smile on his face. “Hey kiddo, why aren’t ya with the others?”

His smile vanished when he saw L!MC’s expression. “Oh kid... tell me ya didn’t-”

L!MC let out a wail and ran into his arms, burying their head in their chest as they sobbed.

“I should have listened...” MC whispered. “I should have listened...”

Mammon said nothing, he only wrapped his arms around them.

L!MC collected themselves, and wiped their tears away. They held out the feather. “This... this is yours... isn’t it?”

Tears welled in Mammon’s eyes as he delicately took the feather. He smiled softly as the tears rolled down his face.

“Y-yeah... it is...” Mammon whispered. “Y-ya should have seen em’ L!MC... they were amazin’...”

“I’m sure they were.” L!MC nodded trying to hold back another wave of tears.

The Celestial Realm was perfect.

L!MC, Mammon, and everyone in the three realms knew that. And perfection had no place for beings like them.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep11 (part 1)

Breaking toxic bonds & accepting healthy ones isn’t a miracle. A bond that started with love could end up chained & toxic, another that started wrong could’ve become the joy of a life time. You can do it. Break the cycle of abuse & stand up for yourself, it is easy yet so difficult, you aren’t alone, tho, loved ones stand nearby cheering. Be kind on yourself, otherwise you’ll throw your life away. Life isn’t just happiness & joy, it’s also sadness & loneliness. Break free from the shackles that held you down. Embrace life & Live.

-Tohru’s “ I’m okay” mask is finally shattered! (the Importance of kyo’s rejection for her development):

This is the last part of tohru’s character development! The last few eps were abt her role in Akito’s redemption & their similarities. she staood up for herself & choose a path away from her mom while keeping her mom’s memory in a healthy manner. No more planning my life according to mom’s wishes, no more talking to mom ‘s picture 24/7. Now, I’ll plan my life & move forward even if it is with the guy mom said she cant forgive. even If it is without him, I’ll move forward. I love him so much, yet I won’t force our bond & let go. So easy yet so difficult!. tohru doesnt know anything abt kyo after her fall. All she remembers is his heart-broken face as he wept beside her. Those tears on his face, she caused them. He cried cuz it is too painful to see her hurt. She was a burden to him! tohru restored to her old coping mechanism of pretending “ i’m Okay” & smiling. She did so numerous times before. Always worked. No one noticed. Except him. Se02, ep7. he urged her to show her true fears. Now, she’s faced with a pain so big she can’t pretend no more. the pain of loosing him. She cried in front of yuki! The smile & chatting abt chores couldn’t conceal the running tears! Yuki’s first time seeing her like that. Se01, ep14, yuki wondered how could tohru smile after her mom’s death. She can’t pretend no more! She’ll have to wear her feelings on her sleeve! cuz it IS ok to do so! She tells kyo to give her a moment to compose herself. She couldn’t lie & pretend like she did with yuki. Here she either run away or just try to compose myself! I LOVE THAT! This way, whenever kyo/tohru fight or have any misunderstanding in the future as a couple, you’ll know tohru won’t just bear it & pretend, “ i;m okay” No! she’ll talk to kyo & express herself! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! It gives her so much strength as a human & I’m happy all the obstacles & set backs in kyo/tohru’s romantic journey has led them to be better ppl little by little to build healthier & more realistic love! 

-The mechanics of writing a compelling slow-burn romance:

1. Igniting the romantic feelings slowly: Slow burns don’t work with love at 1st sight. It must first sparkle naturally, slowly & subtly. Both kyo & tohru repeatedly stated they don’t know exactly when they first fell in love. The author’s decision to create an environment where the two live together is a genius way to start & nurture their romance quietly & subtly. Kyo was tricked to stay in shigure’s house while tohru had to stay cuz she had no home, Natural reasons that force the two to spend days together & get to know each other gradually.

2. Dynamics of their personalities: For slow burns to work, the two characters need to be similar yet opposites! Kyo & tohru are both kind, endearing, innocent, good at chores, independent & hardworking. They both have history with their mothers that is filled with love yet traumas. However, tohru is calm yet prefer maneuvering around subjects, can’t stand up for herself, reads ppl easily, tends to trust ppl easily & disregard herself. Kyo is fierce, strong, tends to distrust ppl, despite ppl loving his spontaneous character, he has hard time figuring out if they’re mocking him or teasing him, very straightforward with his words & actions. The similarities helps them understand each other, however, the differences creates chances to clash & come even closer thro various situation. Ex, se01, ep2, kyo apologizing for hitting her head with the table which created the situation where she needed to confess she always loved the cat zodiac! It is HER gush of emotions that struck kyo. ppl really want my friendship? the cat is loved? Thro those difference they learned to better themselves so they won’t hurt the other, kyo toning down his anger for her, tohru desiring to know him even more as he becomes even more awkward.

3. Creating natural, realistic  & convincing obstacles that prevents them from being together:  This is the most important part! Slow-burn is two characters in love & cant be together despite everyone wanting them to be! if the reason that stops them from uniting is trivial, stupid, one-sided, can easily be solved, then the slow-burn would be a fillery & no one would cheer for it! Takaya-san is a genius!

Kyo can’t be with tohru cuz he thinks (a) he killed her mom! we saw thr flashback, he could’ve saved her & couldn’t save her. It was a split of a second difference & he hates himsef for NOT trying! that split of a second also prevented from thinking of better ways to save her than holding her! it happened to fast, he couldn't think of a better alternative cuz this was his 2nd time loosing someone (b) his mom’s sucide being pinned as his fault created this immense guilt & defeated feeling that “ no matter what, I just cause death & misery! There’s (c) too!, he knew tohru! thinks she deserves the world & cuz he didnt save her mom, he watched tohru talk to a freaking picture for two years! heck! he is the only one who can see thro tohru’s “ i;m okay” mask, so in se01, ep 14 in the grave yard! kyo wasnt the only one who is sad! tohru was too! & kyo could tell! (d) her mom’s death is the reason tohru is accepting shigure’s offer to stay with them rent-free in exchange of doing housework! (e)? he saw her confess crying her heart out abt missing her mom so much that she imitated her dad! so tragicly sad! (f) he saw her die in his nightmare!! how can he accept her love,now? Perfectly orchestrated obstacles! 

Tohru, unfortunately, in the anime it wasn't that clear due to shortening her backstories & trauma in se03, ep6. But she too couldn’t see herself confessing love to kyo. Tohru is has low self-esteem, always thinks she’s a burden to others, an orphan who just wants her mom, so scared, lonely & sad! we the audience believed the mask! we saw her work her motherly charm yuki, isusuz, kisa & believe her issues are not that deep.  tohru wont cry for herself but shed rivers for others! grief is so ugly it broke her! I cant let go of mom, must keep her always in my heart, such a hard emotions to write & I believe 100% the director couldn’t understand her grief & decided to split ep6 between her, kyo, isuzu & shigure. But Tohru struggling to confess to kyo is no laughing matter. ppl who are grieving find it the hardest to live after the loved ones die. they wont mostly commit suicide, they are alive, but they arent living. they just go thro the motions & live for the sake of those around them but not themselves. Tohru deciding to confess to kyo is her deciding to live for herself.

4. Writing a perfect psychologically & emotionally packed climax: I dont need to explain how perfect kyo’s rejection of tohru in se03 ep9 was. How much we felt for him yet were mad at him. He we were “ ugh! kyo no!!!! I mean I get why you do that , but you idiot no! come back! poor kyo! He was just so sad & broken! OMG he’ll kill himself after finding tohru’s injured body!! he totally would! his nightmare came true! But Tohru reached him! she wanted him to be okay! he wont kill himself but still feels hella guilty! but so utterly in love with her that his instinct upon seeing her come to life after near death is kiss her! Perfect display of psychology & emotions! filled with right, wrong, sad, happy, guilty, innocent! basically so human~ As the audience you MUST have this mixture of feelings of wanting to hug him so bad cuz this boy has been killing himself for years now yet want him to stop & just see that he was a good boy afterall. Tohru is THE best girl & if the audience are cheering for kyo to be with her, kyo really deserves her! The only problem is for kyo to see that now.

5. The Perfect wrap up of all romance: If you make your audience suffer the slow-burn this long, you gotta reward them good! & Takaya-san delivered! Just like how the entire romantic story is realistic, the reunion must be as realistic too! Tohru is hurt by kyo;s words. Facts remain his words were hurtful to her. I love that was addressed! tohru gets to tell her side, too! If you love someone, you are bound to be hurt by them as much as be happy with them. Simply cuz they matter so much to you! you arent one person, but two ppl coming together. Kyo must work hard for this confession. Must run & chase her. Must earn her proper! He gets on his knees, I cant express how important that is! he is way taller than her, Imagine apologizing while she looks way up & he looks down? He gets on his knees & apologize like a man, for every mistake, all while not loathing himself. He aint going back to that deep abyss again. He did wrong by her & he is owning up to his mistakes. Give me one chance. I’m not gonna force you with persistence or guilt you into taking me. Give me ONE chance cuz i deserve it & no more. The choice is yours. She asks to confirm, he shows her, they kiss, they hug, they are rewarded with a blessing from the heavens! One of the most simple yet emotionally fulfilling confessions in anime!

- Hugs over kisses: (And her kiss hugs her & the curse was lifted):

Prince charming kisses the princess & she wakes up~ they live ever after~ except furuba is all abt “ eternal ever after is not true, real life is where the real love is”

Kyo kissed tohru once, she didnt wake up, she didnt even think he loved her back. didnt even remember the kiss.

Kyo hugged tohru once. se01, e024, He initiated it, tohru was all in tears, surprised, happy & so utterly in love. he called her name for the first time ever, for a brief moment, they both connected, they both comforted each other. The rain stopped, he became a man not a monster, she got him back. She got her kyo that she fought for with none other than kyo himself.

kyo hugged her again, se03, ep6. They both initiated it. He made the first move, pulling her just a little closer, she made the second move & hugged him hard, he transformed, it was a moment were they both connected, both so sad & broken, both feeling needy for the other, both desperate for the other, both just living the moment. the result is them coming closer, her wanting him more, him realizing her love, there is no escape. Admit it. she loves you. You can tell.

Kyo hugs her again today. He asks permission. No spur of the moment feeling. But a long lasting permission to be together. To hug. He wants to hear her acceptance of his cursed body. “ is ok to hug you? this body will cause you pain as it wont be able to fulfill your wishes of constant hugs & intimacy”. She responds, permission granted, for love, for hugs, for a life long acceptance of you as a whole. weakness & strength, sadness & happiness. I accept you all in better & worse! we’re invincible. Why? cuz we understand love isnt magic. It is a path for us to walk together~~~ reward curse break!

Every time kyoru are closer it is a hug. The one thing the zodiacs cant do. A hug. They can kiss. But cant hug. comes this Zodiac Ruler girl so lonely, away from ppl, so sad, meets a cat boy who comes to the house she’s living in, a house away from ppl, the boy is drawn to the girl, However, when the boy needed to leave, the girl was able to let go despite loving him, the boy comes again, this time wanting to stay, the girl accepts the boy. They both accept the realistic reality of life. Embrace the obstacles & the achievements, celebrates the weakness above the strength. Both so imperfect. Both so endearingly dumb! that’s why the girl’s hug broke the boy’s curse. The girl’s acceptance of the cat broke all curses.

Side Note:

Kyo’s confession is so kyo! so straightforward, so direct, & so physical. He’s on his knees, holding her hands, looking at her eyes. “ i want to be WITH you. If I’m gona live, I want to to do it with you & no one else! cuz I love you” that’s it. That’s all.  So sincere & so romantic!

it is crazy how different tohru & kyo are now after the confession! she stood confidently & happily & said “dont you know, I love you!” all while teasing him, her giggle is so girlish & cute! my girl is a happy woman in love! long buried the angelic mother image of se02! YES! also, kyo’s happy face is love! Dude! when was the last time he smiled so freely? Did he ever do that? He smiled in se01, ep4 with kazmua, but not like this! T_T. my son is healing~

Kyo’s “ i wont ever feel afraid if you’re with me” is a huge growth from his “ I want to protect her” mindset. Now he realizes it is two-sided mutual desire. She gives him strength as much as he does! <3

I dont like open eye while kissing, but here it is so perfect for tohru in this moment! cuz she spent days thinking kyo rejected her & even ran away as soon as she saw him, now he’s not only confessing, apologizing, admitting she is his life, but also kissing her signaling they’re romantic couple. kissing on lips is so personal, what more evidence she needs? still, her thoughts? “ it’s like a dream?” aww~~~ tohru~~~ my precious girl! she just cant believe all her suffering is over, now? She was just practicing “ i’m okay” smile & now she’s an official girlfriend to the man of her dreams? He just bent da kneeee~ go for it queen!

yuki’s face when tohru cried is exactly what I meant of “ allowing yuki to have strong facial expressions”! XD these types of faces humanize yuki so much into the teenage boy he is! Unfortunately the anime team only sees him as the pretty prince in most times. That’s why fave yuki is when he’s with kakeru. He becomes so un-princly as he should be.

Speaking of yuki, I see you anime team~ postponing his moment into next ep so him & machi wont be overshadowed by the long awaited kyoru!! While this defies the perfection of all cursed zodiacs breaking on the same ep making akito’s breakdown less perfect & poetic, I take it as the anime team admitting they underdeveloped yuchi & decided let’s give them more screen time & not putting them in close distance from any couple. A week later ep is enough with lots of time. I dont mind at all, I’m just saying more time after/while confession is not what i was hoping for~~ sigh~ At least I hope yuki would say sth along the lines” all this time I was looking at you, i realized i love you” to imply he was thinking of her as a lover not his kindness for someone he helped. I just dont want their love to be sudden simply cuz yuki needs happy ending. oh well~ I’m sure whatever it will be, the anime will give it utmost attention.

That sad moment when kagura wasnt allowed a moving image. lol. girl was given a still image that didnt even move with the breeze! T_T

Not gonna lie... the scene with kazuma & kyo was underwhelming. Why the wide shot? I mean you dont need budget for that. Just give me a closeup from the waist up with kyo head buried in kazuma’s chest. Dont need to waste budget on kazuma’s face, either.... do the old trick of hair covering eyes & show me glittery tears~  why the awkward shot of kazma towering in his own house! how tall is this man & why cant he he fix his roof?...lol

Also, shigure, you got scars man... who can hurt shigure? akito? gotta be her. I dont think hatori scratches...lol.. Aya? nah~ too busy with Mine! yup, akito... another steamy night? could be, she’s changed as he wish now. But scratching a face is weird while..um..kissing? a quarrel? but why? I bet she wants him now & we know he wants her....

More on part 2! especially abt the curse’s lore~

[bonjour-rainycity]

Double Heart | Chapter Sixteen ~ Cosima

|previous part|

Pairing: Haldir x OFC

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 3021

Warnings: None

A/n Every chapter, you all make me smile so much <3 Thank you!

Haldir leaves and I let out something halfway between an exhale and a groan.

What. Was. That.

My room, which is a very respectable size, felt like a matchbox as the space between Haldir and I minimized. He went from weeks of keeping a consistent physical barrier between us to ghosting his hands over my arms, my hips, my waist…It’s…new.

And when he held me close, his chest so nearly brushing against my back—

I shake my head against the onslaught of scenarios that run through my mind.

I should not be thinking of him this way.

Haldir is a friend, a guide, an instructor, nothing more.

I let out a deep breath and begin to pace, trying to work off this newfound energy. Haldir and I trained for nearly two hours, I should be exhausted. Instead, I feel wide awake, invigorated, jittery, like I couldn’t possibly go to sleep. I groan, taking my hair out of its bun and letting it fall around me. I stop in my tracks, glancing at the spot where Haldir and I stood so close together just moments ago.

I cannot stay here.

I tear through the open door, turning right and taking the staircase that leads to the first floor. I turn left and, before I know it, I’m standing in front of Alex’s closed door.

I knock.

The door creaks open. “Hey,” he greets, opening it wider to allow me in. “What’s up?”

“I uh,” I purse my lips, having not really thought through my plan. I do need a distraction though, and being out of my room is already helping clear the fog from my brain. My eyes catch a pile of books on his nightstand. “I came to help you research, if that’s okay.”

His face lights up. “Yeah! Yeah, of course. I’ve read those three so far,” he gestures to a small stack by the window, “and there’s nothing helpful in them. Everything else in English is fair game. Is there anything specific you want to look into?”

“Fæs.” I’m surprised that the answer comes to me so easily, but as soon I speak the word, I know it’s true — I do want to learn more.

Alex nods slowly. “Yeah, okay, I think I’ve got a couple books on that here. Let me….” He trails off, spinning in a circle as he searches for a specific volume. “Ah.” He squats down and grabs a book near the foot of his bed, reaching it up to me.

An image of Haldir, crouched on the ground, hand warm against my ankle, staring up at me with such intensity, so much confidence—

Alex stands and I look to the ceiling, trying to will away the image and the feelings that come rushing along with it.

“What makes you want to learn about fæs? Isn’t that an elf thing?”

I purse my lips, stalling until the embarrassment fades enough to look Alex in the eye. “Haldir mentioned that humans have their own version of a fæ — a little weaker, a little different, but generally the same concept.” An idea begins to take form, and I roll with it. “I was wondering if—assuming that our fæs remained unchanged between our homeworld and Arda—well, if we could use it somehow, tap into it and reclaim our memories. If anything were to remember, wouldn’t it be our spirits?”

Alex nods slowly, a grin tugging at the edges of his lips. “That’s actually not a bad idea. Great thinking! Let me know if you find anything.”

He settles into the couch, leaving the bed for me. Gratefully, I cozy up against the pillows. I open the book, skimming the introductory chapter, which is basically just a summary of the core concepts Haldir has already explained to me. When I’m on chapter three, the sky passes firmly into night, and even the plethora of candles Alex has lit aren’t enough to keep my eyes from straining.

I pull my knees to my chest and lean forward, glancing over at my friend. His cheeks — which had been gaunt when we first reunited, now take a healthy shape. His shoulders no longer hold vestiges of tension — they lean relaxed, leisurely, against the back of the couch. Even in the limited light, he squints his eyes and continues to read, seeming intent on soaking up as much knowledge as he can.

I rest my chin on my knees. “I need to ask you something.”

He looks up, his eyebrows drawing together in concern. “Okay?”

“Are you alright?”

He sighs, shifting in his seat. “Cosima…”

“No,” I protest. I don’t care if it’s uncomfortable, he needs to talk about things. He’s been bottling it up since he arrived in this world and it hasn’t done anyone any good. “I mean it.”

Alex groans, shaking his head. “Fine, okay. It’s…strange.” He pauses, but I wait, holding out hope that he’ll continue. He does so, slowly. “I’ve…gotten myself to accept that I’m in a different world, but I can’t wrap my mind around the how. That’s stressful. We don’t have a solid plan to return home, nor do we know if we’ll find one. That’s depressing. And, I have flashes and snippets of memories, but otherwise, I feel like I don’t know who I am.”

My heart breaks. Here my friend is, hurting, lost…

And I’ve left him completely alone.

Alex tilts his head to the side, contemplating. “But I do feel better than when we arrived, or even just from a few days ago. Having things to do, feeling useful and like I have agency for the first time…it’s really good for me. And, well,” he dips his head then raises it again, leveling his eyes on me. “It’s helped me realize something else — that I owe you an apology.”

I blink in surprise. I’ve been the one that has pretty much abandoned and ignored him. I should be apologizing.

“On the road, I said some pretty mean things, and I isolated you from your friends and tried to take control. I didn’t mean for it to be like that. I was…” he sighs, shaking his head, “scared out of my mind. I already felt like I couldn’t do anything to fix the problem, and then on top of that I felt like you had completely given up and it was my job to save us both. And I know now that’s not the case, but for a while…” He trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “You’re just more adaptable than I am, I guess.”

I push myself off the bed, cross the room, and sit next to him on the small couch. Automatically, he throws an arm over my shoulder, the movement so familiar and easy that he must have done it a thousand times before. I lay my head on his shoulder, the bone there pressing against my ear.

I take a deep breath. “If we had really been kidnapped, or injured, or anything more realistic than what actually happened,” he gives a small, tired laugh, the movement shaking his shoulder, “you would’ve been the one to get us out. I know it. Even now, you’re the one putting in all the hard work to get us home. I’m sorry I’ve pretty much left you to handle it alone.”

He squeezes my upper arm gently. “I appreciate it, but I don’t blame you. I get it.” He shrugs again, a measure of sadness creeping into his voice. “It’s not like you remember anyone enough to miss them. If you have people you like here, of course you’d focus on them.”

I feel my lips pull into a guilty frown. “They like you too, you know. You all just need to spend some more time together—”

“Nah,” he shakes his head, pushing a smile onto his face. “It’s okay, honestly — we just don’t click. But I have you, and Baranor and I get along well, and I have this project to work on. It’s enough for me.”

I sigh, resting my head against his chest. I hope that’s true.

{***}

At breakfast, Lavandil and I make plans to meet at her shop. She gives me directions and I hurry up the stairs to my room, changing out of my tunic and leggings and into something a little more fun for my first day of work. I settle on a dark purple gown, one that billows down my arm in puffy gossamer sleeves and has a slight, sparkly train. I’m probably a bit overdressed, but knowing Lavandil’s extravagant wardrobe, I’ll fit in just fine. I bound down the staircase, eager to discover the market and the shop. I turn left, intent on exiting the building.

And crash into the middle of someone’s chest.

Hands grip my upper arms, steadying me as I stumble back. Once I’m righted, I look up, and my mouth falls open.

“Cosima—”

“Haldir—”

Both of us freeze, having spoken at the same time. I purse my lips, waiting for him to go first. He raises an eyebrow, evidently expecting the same of me.

But I can’t make the words happen. His hands on my arms send my mind right back to the tension of last night, to the room that started light and open and turned more intimate than it should as the night went on.

Haldir’s arms fall to his sides. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you turning the corner. Are you alright?”

I nod, my eyes darting from his chest clothed in a cobalt blue tunic up to his eyes. The intensity from last night is gone, now replaced with a noticeable degree of hesitance.

Interesting.

Did he feel something last night, too? Or does he know I did, and now feels awkward around me?

That last thought sends a wave of stress through me. Was I horribly obvious? Have I messed everything up?

“Are you off to Lavandil’s shop,” he inquires, pulling my mind away from these anxiety-inducing thoughts.

“Yes.”

He quirks a smile. “Then I imagine you will be seeing a lot of my brother today. He has a tendency to hang around there.”

“Probably a result of him being in love with the shop-owner,” I quip, voice going high with nerves.

He raises an eyebrow. “Yes, I suppose that would do it.”

We fall into awkward silence.

Haldir clears his throat. “Well, enjoy your day.”

“You too,” I nod, crossing paths with him to exit the building.

Once outside, I take in a gulping breath.

Did I create all that weirdness? Or is he struggling to figure out how to act around me, too? And why?

Things have never been strained or awkward between myself and Haldir. Once he got over his initial suspicion of me, we got along easily. I feel like he understands me better than the others and, if I had to pick a favorite, as Rumil prompted me not so long ago, it would be, without question, the supposedly-stern Marchwarden leading our company. And, based on the amount of time he spends with me of his own accord, I would say he enjoys my presence, too.

So, that begs the question, what could have happened to turn all that ease on its head and replace it with stilted, awkward, unsure interactions? We were fine until last night—

I suck in a breath.

My brain, apparently useless until I looked the issue straight in the eye, starts piecing together instances of my time with Haldir, forming a terrifying and exhilarating picture.

Sleeping between me and the entrance to our camp so I wouldn’t be frightened. Spending hours alone with me lying on a blanket staring up at the stars. The way he panicked and looked after me when I had my migraine. Big things like that and smaller ones, too — the way he teases me, the way he always makes sure I’m cared for, whether that means sharing from his canteen or sending me with food when I’m likely to miss dinner. The way he’s conscious of my fears—heights, orcs, you name it—and provides support without coddling me, enabling me to handle and face them on my own. The way his arms, so gentle yet so secure, held me close, even for just the smallest of moments.

Could we…have feelings for each other?

Could this rapid and strong attachment to an ellon I met mere weeks ago be something other than friendship?

With a sinking feeling in my gut, the momentary rush of excitement falls into something much more sinister. Something that, in any other world would be a wonderful, thrilling feeling—the one I am developing feelings for maybe, potentially, might see me the same way—is here, horrifying.  

Because elves live forever and love only once.

And a human lifespan is dismally short.

Rumil’s face after our conversation yesterday, crestfallen and saddened, comes to my mind.

If my mere friendship with these ellyn will cause them grief when I’m gone, then even entertaining these thoughts about Haldir….

It’s deplorable.

From the heart of the city, the bell chimes. I’m late to meet Lavandil.

I shove down the ache that makes my lips quiver and hurry down the path that will lead me to the market.

The distraction of working with Lavandil will be my lifeline.

I cannot allow my feelings for Haldir progress any further. So, though I’m not sure how effective I’ll be, I swear not to think about him for the rest of the day.

{***}

“What happened last night between you and Haldir?”

Damn.

I made it two hours.

I swallow, trying to seem busy as I hang a tapestry on a display. “What?”

Lavandil comes up beside me, using her height to hang the art properly. “Rumil told Orophin who told me that Haldir came back from training with you and seemed quite flustered.”

My body runs hot. “Did he?”

“Mhm,” she nods decisively. “Apparently he returned to the room in a rush, wouldn’t say a thing, and then spent over three hours at the training grounds, sparring quite harshly with some of the guard.”

Even though the tapestry is hung, I pretend to fuss with it, not brave enough to meet Lavandil’s eyes. “Nothing happened. Maybe he just wanted a better workout — I can’t imagine I was much of a challenge.” I try for a joke, and mercifully, she gives me a pity laugh.

Her demeanor softens. “Cosima, you know there’s nothing wrong with having an attraction, or even feelings.”

“Of course there’s something wrong with it,” I shriek, much louder than I meant to. I look at her with wide eyes, surprised by my outburst.

Thankfully, no one is in the shop, and Lavandil only regards me with calm eyes, no judgement in them.

“I’m sorry,” I hurry to apologize, sitting myself in a chair at a nearby table. On top of it sits a beautiful garnet tablecloth — Lavandil’s work. She sits across from me.

“It’s alright,” she smiles kindly, resting her elbows on the table to mirror me. “I had a similar disposition when I realized I loved Orophin.”

“I don’t love him,” I correct quickly.

She puts her hands up in the sign for surrender, though her bottom lip pulls like she’s trying not to make a face.

“I don’t,” I insist, putting effort into keeping my tone non-angry. I lower my voice, worried, perhaps irrationally, that Haldir himself will go waltzing by and hear my dreadful confession. “It’s, at most, an interest, and probably not even that. Likely more of a curiosity.”

“Well, interests are nothing to be ashamed of.” Her tone matches my low volume and carries in it a gentleness I could never hope to emulate.

“Yes, they do!” My voice drops to nearly a whisper. “Lavandil, he is an elf. You know I’m human. The two don’t mix well.”

She huffs. “There’s nothing to say that. An elleth here, Arwen—”

“Is walking into a tragedy,” I cut her off.

Lavandil’s eyes narrow. “Too many people see it that way, and it is getting quite old. Do you know what I see? Two souls in love. Though their futures are bleak and incompatible, their presents are filled with joy and love and the connection that can only come from two fæs who want each other so badly finally bonded. They would still face pain if they ignored their love for each other — so why not give themselves what joy they can?”

“But she will die—”

Now it’s Lavandil’s turn to interrupt. “Arwen is fully grown. She is wise, and I trust that she knows herself well enough to make the choices she has. Her life is ultimately her own. She can spend it how she pleases.”

I press my lips together, head falling to stare at the deep red tablecloth. Despite Lavandil’s conviction, her words do nothing to allay my fears.

The only thing that awaits an elf bonded with a human is grief and death.

Arwen may have made her choice, but so have I made mine.

“Rumil said elves can take centuries to fall in love. Is that true?”

Lavandil pauses, caught off guard with my change in topic. “I-in some cases, yes. More that it could potentially take that long for an elf to admit they are in love. Often, even if they are not ready to accept it, their fæs know. And even then, that is the timeline in the most rare of cases. You know, for Orophin and I it only took a matter of—”

I raise my eyes to her, pleading. “Lavandil.”

She sighs, staring at me like she wishes I had asked her something else. “Fine, yes. Elves fall slower than humans.”

I take in a deep breath, nodding.

Good.

Because if I have only just noticed these feelings, chances are, if Haldir were to follow suit, he is way behind. The instance Lavandil described from last night, the other hints that show he might be feeling something…I can end them now.

I have time to stop this.

I have time to save him.

A/n So, funny thing, @errruvande got pretty close to guessing Cosima’s reaction to realizing her feelings for Haldir, so shout out to Liza!!! Seriously though, love her, love her blog, I’d definitely recommend checking her account out! Thank you all for reading! 

|next part|

|masterlist|

Tolkien tag list: @anangelwhodidntfall @eru-vande 

Haldir tag list: @tolkien-apologist

Double Heart tag list: @lainphotography @themerriweathermage @thophil2941btw @kenobiguacamole @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse @from-patroclus-with-love @boywivlove @ordinarymom1 @my-darling-haldir @sweet-bea-blossom @moony-artnstuff

[lazypeachsoul]

who you really are.- Loki Laufeyson.

chapter one.

Warnings: this fic will include discussions of gender, pronouns, etc. This chapter does not include any warnings.

Word count: 1,6k.

A/N: This is the first chapter to a multi-part fic I created thanks to and idea by @insanitybyanothername. Thans for the inspiration! I hope you like it 🌼 This is more of an introduction to the story so not a lot of Loki x reader action.

Masterlist.

To be added to my taglist use this forms or write me an ask!

The first stages of a relationship can be challenging. A mix of excitement over the newness of the feelings and the awkwardness of trying to learn how to be around eachother created what many called the ‘honeymoon phase’. And everything they talked about seemed to grow exponentially when one of the parties was a god still trying to get used to Earth, or Midgard as he called it.

When you had first met Loki things had been rocky at best. You were another worker of Stark Industries who was tasked with leading the team creating the better and improved gear for the newest avenger, whose identity still hadn’t been disclosed.

It wasn’t until weeks into working with only notes about this mysterious person and their powers that the announcement was made. John Doe as your team had been calling him was none other than the nordic god Loki of Asgard. The uproar that the announcement caused shook the entire company. Tony Stark was offering shelter to the same man who had tried to destroy the world in 2012 and people were not happy.

Even within your team the situation was tense. Some members had quit because they had been personally affected by his actions and others remained just because they were curious about him. And that unfolded in the first try-on session for the gear.

He had appeared followed by Thor and your boss Tony Stark. Introductions were short and Loki didn’t seem to be in the mood for socializing. He remained silent, rolling his eyes and scoffing at the details you tried to explain about the new gear. And the tenth time he seemed to underrate your design you had to intervene.

“Anything wrong?” As much as you tried to keep your voice leveled the tension in it was not that well hidden.

“I am unable to comprehend why I can’t wear my asgardian attire. Thor does and nobody questions it.” He pointed to his blonde companion who seemed to be nervous about his brother's reaction. “I don’t trust midgardians to create something advanced enough for my capabilities.”

“I can assure you your ‘capabilities’ have been taken into account.” You responded through gritted teeth. “And as for the need of the new gear, since you are here on the intergalactic equivalent of parole you have to wear it so that you can be controlled in missions.”

The room grew quiet and the surprise was evident on everybody’s faces. Some of them were probably surprised you would unveil the real reason for the wardrobe change, others were surprised at your boldness when speaking to a god, and one person in the room was surprised at the sparkle he had seen in your eyes when you spoke.

Months after that interaction things seemed to have changed drastically. Loki was adapting as best as he could to his new home, although he would never call it that, and you had become a willing companion on that journey. So willing that it became something beyond platonic, leading you to your current situation.

Loki had arrived back from one of his missions hours ago and you still hadn’t seen him. Normally if he wasn’t too tired he would quickly clean up and visit your lab, spending the rest of the day sulking or complaining about the mission and avoiding the bureaucratic side of the job, reports apparently were too human for him to do.

But you still hadn’t heard a peep from him, making you wonder how bad the mission could have gone. You received Loki’s gear merely an hour after the announcement of his arrival and when checking the damage you didn’t see anything that would show big wounds or injuries, so him being hurt was out of the question.

Maybe Loki just was in one of his moods and waiting would be better. You were wrapping up your work and exiting your lab when you saw a red cape turning the corner of your hallway. Thor. he could help you to understand how Loki might be, they were on the mission together.

Holding your jacket and bag closer to yourself you picked up the pace, trying to keep up with the big strides of the God of thunder. You caught him waiting for the elevator,a situation that even if you had been working for the Avengers for years still felt weirdly normal for a god.

“Hey Thor! How are you? How did the mission go?”

You were sure that his booming voice when greeting you could be heard all around the floor, but it never failed to make you smile. Although you were infinitely closer to Loki, sometimes too close according to the people around you, Thor had become a part of your life. He had told you multiple times how happy he was that you and Loki were ‘pursuing a courtship that he hopes will last eons’ and he had always tried to tell you how grateful he was for how you treated his brother.

“The mission went great, we managed to put the fear of justice in them. They will always remember the Avengers are here to stop their evil plans.” He explained, making the entire mission sound like a fantasy book. “Loki was incredible, he served justice and showed his potential. You should be proud.”

“I am, Thor. Always am.” You admitted with a smile on your face. “Speaking of Loki, have you seen him? He didn’t come to my lab when he arrived.”

Thor looked back to the metal doors of the elevator, fidgeting with his armour. He never usually shied away from conversation so his reaction put you off slightly. Was Loki angry? Or maybe he lashed out and Thor didn’t want to give you a bad impression of his brother?

The elevator finally dinged signaling the arrival of the cabin. He entered quickly before turning and looking at your defeated form.

“Loki was okay, just deep in thought over personal matters.” Seeing you frown at his words, the man quickly tried to mend the situation. “His own personal matters, not yours. Yours as in courtship matters. He’s very serious about the courtship, do not worry about that…”

Seeing Thor tripping over his words would have been really funny if the situation didn’t worry you. From what you had gathered, Loki seemed to be overthinking something personal but not about your relationship. Great, that didn’t make you relax one bit.

“Maybe you could visit him. He went out but he must be back by now, that way your worries could be forgotten.”

“Yeah, maybe i should do that. We both know how Loki gets when he thinks too hard.”

Thor smiled at the comment, making way for you to enter the elevator and finally allowing the doors to close.

The living quarters of the superheroes were strictly out of reach for everybody but them. Workers were only allowed if invited or were needed for whatever reason. You had only been there once, Loki having invited you to wait in the living room while he got ready for one of your dates, truly teenager style. Normally both you and Loki preferred to find comfort outside the limits of the compound, like your apartment. Out of hearing range of super soldiers and trained spies.

When the doors opened to the quarters everything seemed eerily silent. The only other time you had been there the living space had been as noisy as you would imagine a house inhabited by earth’s mightiest heroes might be.

“Almost everybody is resting or training. That’s why there’s so much calm. Loki’s chamber is at the end of that corridor. I think it would be best if you went alone, he has a tradition of pranking me when I get close to his property since we were children.”

“Thank you Thor. I look forward to hearing more about that tradition someday. Relax, you must be exhausted from saving the world.”

He was thanking you back but you had already started walking down the hallway in the direction you had been told. It wasn’t difficult to find his room, it seemed to be separated from the rest of doors and had a much more regal look to it, more than likely his way of making his room more apt for his rank.

You knocked on the solid wood and waited for a response. When you knocked again, with more strength this time, the door moved and opened letting you enter. You knew you probably should have waited for Loki’s answer but seeing as the door wasn’t locked you thought he wouldn’t mind.

Upon entering the room you were in awe of the decoration, the area looked closer to a palace room than the basic compound design. Stepping further into the room you found a big bed, sheets undone and clothes strewn on top. Looking closely you saw what seemed to be a short sleeved dress, but you quickly discarded the idea. It probably was an asgardian tunic of some kind.

You heard movement to your left, finding the door of what would most likely be the bathroom. Loki must have been cleaning up after a rough day. You took a step towards the door ready to knock on it when the door opened unexpectedly, making you and the person at the other side jump upon seeing each other.

Your heart seemed to drop when the figure emerging from the en suite was not your boyfriend but the most attractive woman you had seen in your life wrapped in a towel. After years of learning through movies and tv shows the first thought that came into your mind was that Loki was cheating, but a closer look to the woman and you saw that mischievous spark in her gaze.

“Loki?”

“W-what are you doing here?”

Taglist: @teenwonder @kyli314

[primergon]

imagine sleeping/cuddling with the decepticons !

Megatron: He doesn’t like to sleep with company. Even back in Kaon, he would never let anyone stay in his berth any longer than necessary. You understand old habits are hard to let go, but when he made an exception for you, you can’t help but tear up a little at the sight of him displacing his mass to slid right next to you. The fact that it had been your bed instead of his made you even giddier. He would wrap both arms around you protectively, sometimes it gets so tight to the point where you can’t really move – but into the night his grip would loosen and you’ll adjust your positions. His head would rest above your chest and you’ll have his head cradled between your hands. When the sun rises, the sight of your legs intertwined is almost enough to make him forget that he has duties to attend aboard the Nemesis. Almost.

Soundwave: He’s not picky when it comes to sleeping together, sometimes you’ll sleep right next to his helm or he’ll shrink down to fit into your bed so you can cuddle. You never expected this from him, considering that you took him for the type who hates cuddling. He is a light sleeper, who is almost unmoving in slumber ( he could eerily pass for a corpse ) and most importantly, even in recharge, he keeps his visor. Yet, Soundwave is surprisingly affectionate in his own way. So when into the night you had found that he had retracted his helm to nuzzle his face into your shoulder, you had to keep still to make sure that the moment lasts.

Knockout: Sleeping with Knockout is to say stressful, in a sense that he loves to hog the blanket. Ever since you introduced him to wool blankets, he’s been obsessed. He would always beat you to the human bed you share in his quarters, because apparently once he discovered just how soft human beds are his berth have been mercilessly abandoned. He would already be buried between the pillows, the thrum of his engines signaling that the doctor’s deep in recharge. Yet into the night, he’d unconsciously try to rip the blanket off you, which would always lead to you pressing against one another to keep the fabric on both of you. It’s a playful wrestle that would sometimes wake him, and once he sees your shirt hiking above your midrib – he’d instantly be awake and more than ready to abandon sleep. Breakdown: You would never have to spend another cent on plushies because why buy a life-sized teddy bear when you have Breakdown? Although the metal would fool anyone into thinking that cuddling would be painful, he is surprisingly warm and gentle – and you’re more than happy to see that your limbs would slot perfectly against his from time to time. Cuddling is a must with the gentle giant, and you’d both spend a few minutes under the covers sleepily talking about your day. It was only a matter of time before one of you falls asleep, which would prompt the other to pull the blanket and turn off the lights. Once in awhile, you’ll wake up to find him stroking your hair or kissing your forehead, prompting you to bury yourself deeper under his chin.

Starscream: Against popular belief, Starscream is a wonderful berth-partner. You spend more time bonding during your nightly routines than anywhere else, where Starscream would vent to you about his day as you apply your skincare. At times, the both of you would walk past the sliding doors and decide with a single look that you are both too tired for anything, and you’ll both wordlessly collapse on the bed – atop the sheets with the lights on. However, when you wake in the middle of the night, you’d already be under the covers – with the lights off and his arm resting against your hipbone. He would switch in between being the big and little spoon, depending on his mood – but you don’t mind. He’s surprisingly tame in his sleep, and since you’re with him, he’s less anxious about waking up in the dead of the night to escape Megatron’s wrath or an Autobot attack. But he still remains restless at times, then again you’re always there to rub comforting circles against his wings.

Shockwave: When dating someone with the emotional range of a teaspoon, you didn’t expect much from Shockwave. In fact, you expected nothing at all. He never holds your hand or kisses you unless you ask for it. He never hugs you out of the blue or comfort you when you cry – sometimes you question why you stayed and feel guilty about wanting more from him. Until he invites you to bed for the first time – it wasn’t even suggestive. The two of you lay there, face to face, with a small space between the two of you that stretched for what seemed like miles. The initial awkwardness doesn’t seem to fade, and you nearly resorted to turning around to face the other way. Until he reaches out, ever so slowly, and lays a hand in the empty space. “ I understand you desire a more…emotional approach to our relationship.” It took you a while to realize it was an invitation, and you’d tentatively put your hand there – by morning he’s already gone, but you can still feel the warmth of his fingers cradling yours the entire day.

Dreadwing: Considering that he’s a very old school mech, you expected chivalry to prevent him from sleeping with you until marriage. Yet, he’s open to the idea of sharing a bed with you, if not shy. And you couldn’t help but grin at the sight of him unsure and slightly flustered at the prospect of sharing a bed. In the beginning, he laid on the furthest edge of the bed, acting as if you were a carrier of some contagious disease. Until you beckoned him to come closer, and as the days bled to weeks, the gap between the two of you shrunk, to the point where he has both arms wrapped around you at all times throughout the night. He would sometimes, oddly enough, slide down unconsciously – until his head is resting against your stomach. Or sometimes, he’d be the one to press you against his chest, with your open palm resting above his spark.

Predaking: You once told him that you loved sleeping with his dragon form, and from then on he had let you curl against his tail, secured right next to his jaw protectively. Once he discovered that sleeping that way for too long hurts your body, he had offered to sleep on your bed – alas it broke under the sheer weight of his armor, and you have decided to buy a futon for both of you to sleep on. It was uncomfortable in the beginning, as his claws were too sharp and would sometimes poke you in your sleep. Yet, when winter and the rainy season rolls around, you’d be more than happy to cuddle against your own personal heater. Especially when that heater comes with affectionate nuzzles and kisses. You have to make sure the kisses wouldn’t lead to anything more from time to time, considering that even if his stamina is never-ending, you, on the other hand, have to sleep.

ST3V3: You have a love-hate relationship with sleeping with ST3V3. While you understand he is your boyfriend, he is also your best friend – meaning you can’t expect to fall asleep right away when he’s always making you laugh in the dark. He’s like that one kid during sleepovers who’d make people laugh for no absolute reason and keep them awake until morning. Unless you’re tired, then he’d dramatically carry you to bed before WWE slamming you against the cushions. He’d hold you close, but don’t expect him to not lean into your ear to whisper some outdated meme to annoy you on purpose, you might have to keep a pillow ready at hand to throw at him.

( A/N : forgive me if grammar isn’t perfect or if it doesn’t make that much sense as I too, am writing this as I am sleep deprived, the only difference is that i don’t have a robot bf to cuddle :”( , find me @/primergonn on insta !)

[jessiewritesthings]

Saudade - Pt. II

Prince Zuko x Reader

Hiiiiiiiiii!! I done made myself even sadder and i’m not sorry about it! Thank you all for reading you are all my children and I love you dearly xx

Part I - Part III - Epilogue

The Crystal Catacombs were cool and damp, with the strange green hue almost making you feel queasy. Your hands were extended out in front of Prince Zuko’s face, fingers just inches away from him. They quivered in hesitation, before Zuko, trepidation evident in his gaze, leaned closer to you. His hands reached for yours, softly pulling you closer and placing your palm on his cheek. Your fingers grazed his scar, and you were pleasantly surprised at the warmth that seeped from his skin. It had never occurred to you that Firebenders would be able to keep themselves warm at all times, even though it made perfect sense. Zuko closed his eyes at your touch, and your fingers gently traipsed over the map of his scar, brushing dark strands of hair from his forehead.

No one had ever touched him like this before – gently, delicately, as if he were made of precious porcelain. Only his mother had ever held him so carefully, and the vicious taunts from his father and sister had forced Zuko to grow out of that earlier than he would have liked. It made him feel safe and secure, and as he took a deep breath in he imagined a world where there was no Hundred Year War – no Fire Lord, no Azula, no hunting the Avatar to regain his honour – just the two of you, spending an eternity in soft gazes and caresses.

Smiling softly, you raised your other hand to cup the right side of his face, running your thumb over his cheek. He looked at you now, amber eyes piercing through yours as a surge of breathlessness ran through your body, halting your breath at your lips.

 Bowing his head towards the ground, Zuko exhaled, his shaggy hair drooping to cover his face. Your hands, now resting on his folded knees, were clammy, and you couldn’t prevent the occasional twitch of your fingers as you willed yourself to remain calm.

 “I-I don’t understand.” His voice was tight, as if he was being held together by a set of strings neither of you could see. Zuko watched you through wisps of his hair as you bent your head closer to his, foreheads almost touching. Your grip on his knee tightened, giving it a quick squeeze to encourage him.

 “How you can bear to touch it,” he whispered, hoarsely. You pressed your forehead to his now, moving your hands to the back of his head, running your fingers through his thick hair. You felt shattered, unable to fully fathom the pain that Prince Zuko had been through. His lineage and place as Prince of the Fire Nation aside, who would be so cruel, so full of hatred for another, that damage like this could be caused? The way his scar draped across his face, curving from the edge of his nose through to his left ear – it was entirely obvious that this was a deliberate attack, which made it all the worse. As if the culprit had held a ball of fire in their hand and held it to Zuko’s face, ensuring the damage would be a permanent marker, something that would distinguish him forever. A burnt, scarred, Firebender – what sort of message did that send?

 Zuko was allowing his vulnerability to completely fall away with you, allowing you to come inside and open all of his locked doors and inspect all of the cobwebs. His heart was pounding, thick and heavy and in his throat. The feel of your fingers in his hair, on his skin – he knew in that moment that nothing would ever compare, shuddering as your nails lightly scratched his scalp. A soft moan escaped him, and his cheeks roared in red. He could feel your questions, unspoken, but hanging limply in the air. His head still bowed and your fingers still twisting through his hair he attempted to explain the red mark on his skin.

 “I… disrespected someone I shouldn’t have. My punishment was to duel… an Agni Kai.”

 Pulling away, your hands returned to Zuko’s knees. You watched him intently, his hands forming fists on top of yours.

 “I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Everyone knew I wasn’t the best bender. It is punishment, for my betrayal,” he continued. His left hand reached up to gingerly touch the scar, before he flinched and pulled it away. “I can’t even touch it myself.”

 “You must have been so young, Zuko.”

 “Thirteen,” he replied, lips parted as if in disbelief himself.

 “But surely – you’re the Prince of the Fire Nation – your father-”

 “My father gave it to me, as a parting gift,” Zuko said coldly. Momentarily, the warmth of his body disappeared and a wave of cold, harsh air ebbed through you. Rising on to your knees, you wrapped your arms around Zuko’s shoulders and pulled him closer, cradling his head as he slowly allowed himself to return your embrace. He was stiff and awkward, and you wondered when he had last been embraced like this.

 “You are more than what he makes you to be,” you murmured softly. “You are more than a mark on your skin.” Slowly, the warmth that Zuko radiated returned, just as suddenly as it had vanished. Zuko held you tight, flooded with memories of his mother, and how good it felt to receive true care.

_____

 It had been two months since you’d arrived on Capital Island – or rather, you thought it had. You’d been aptly thrown into a new cell, not entirely different from the one you were holed up in on the ship, except this one was attached to the ground and not floating on the open ocean. The cell walls were made of heavy bricks of stone, with iron bars inside – a cage within a cage. Heat seeped through the atmosphere, a constant sweat coating you.

 When you had first arrived, you’d been dragged to the Caldera, along with Iroh, to pay your respects to Fire Lord Ozai as Azula had instructed. Cold, clammy fear ran through you when you were thrown at his feet, once again falling on your wounded leg. The burn itself was healing, albeit slowly – Azula had permitted the use of water for healing only once more whilst onboard, and the constant presence of guards meant you weren’t able to attempt healing it with your own sweat.

 Fire Lord Ozai had merely glanced at you, face shrivelling in disapproval, before moving on to inspect his older brother. Your heart swelled for Iroh when Ozai raised his hands, angry flame flickering in his palm, convinced he was going to do to his brother what he had to his son.

 It seemed as if Ozai was looking for some sort of retaliation from his brother, but Iroh did not give him the satisfaction, instead merely listening as the Fire Lord declared his brother a traitor to the Fire Nation, before ordering the guards to accompany him to Prison Tower.

 “Let him rot.”

 Ozai returned to his seat on the throne, a quick wave of his hand indicating he was finished, before he halted and stood once again.

 “Wait. Bring the girl back. She can heal, you say?” The Fire Lord looked to his children for confirmation. 

“Yes, father. You see how she has prevented further damage to her burns, with only two healing sessions.” Your brows furrowed as Zuko spoke, his voice raspy. It was confusing, and almost painful, to see him stand with his father – one who had caused him so much pain.

“Show the Fire Lord your wounds, water rat,” Azula sneered.

You rose to your feet, delicately peeling off the fabric you’d used to cover your wound.

“Closer.”

Keeping your eyes on the Fire Lord, you shuffled closer as he had commanded. You were in pain, tired and drained, but you’d be damned if you relented now.

“A mark that will be with you forever. How does it feel to be branded?”

A heated wave ran through you – you couldn’t even be sure if it was your own anger at this point, but you swallowed it down anyway as your eyes met with Ozai’s. Like his son, his were also amber – but there was something that seemed off about them – there was anger and greed and hunger, but he lacked any sort of real human depth.  

“I’ll wear this with pride,” you retorted, a scowl slowly forming on your face. Hatred was all you felt. “My people will revere me. They will tell stories about how I stood against your children.”

Ozai’s eyes widened in shock, orange flames flaring from the palms of his hands. From the corner of your eye you could see Azula and Zuko reacting to your statement – Azula more than happy to wrap more flames around your right leg.

“Brave, aren’t you? You dare enter my nation, my palace, my throne room and insult me!? Tell me girl, which scum of the Northern Water Tribe do you belong to? I’ll be sure to send some… parts their way.” Ozai’s hot breath washed over you as you glared up at him. His black hair flared over his shoulders, stepping closer as he gripped onto your forearm.

“Master Pakku is my grandfather. Your great nation burnt my parents alive before I could even speak.”

The Fire Lord considered your words, his menacing glare doing little to frighten you. Behind his father, Zuko glanced to the floor before returning his gaze to you. Azula looked immensely pleased, and you wondered how she planned to make it through life with everyone fearing her – surely something would go wrong, somewhere. 

“Y/n is a master healer and waterbender. I have no doubt she will prove useful in the coming weeks,” Azula urged, looking at her father with a raised eyebrow. Fire Lord Ozai seemed to think his daughter’s words over, releasing his grip on your arm.

“You may be right, daughter. Send her to the Prison Tower with my brother – in the deepest, driest cell you can find. Don’t remove those chains.”

 _____

Just as Princess Azula had suggested, you had been deemed useful for your healing abilities. Talk of your healing sessions while onboard the ship had spread like wildfire, and you were frequently put to work healing a myriad of different Fire Nation citizens – while under close, careful supervision. Your water supply was limited, and even though you were recuperating well, you knew better than to attempt any sort of escape. Besides, even if you were able to fight the guards, there was nowhere to run.

Sighing, you raked your hands over the iron bars of your cell. You’d spent the last few days in the infirmary, healing various superficial wounds. It was tiring work, and the soldiers always liked to taunt you, as if being grateful for your ability to heal their wound was a concept they couldn’t simply comprehend. Guards always flanked you, and your feet were always in chains. When you’d first arrived, someone had shoved a bundle of clothing into your arms, and you’d been pleased that you’d at least be able to change out of your dirty, damaged Water Tribe clothing. When Azula saw you being traipsed from the Prison Tower to the infirmary for a day’s work, her eyes had gleamed maliciously – how better to break you down than turn you into one of them? At least your scar was hidden from view – that was one small mercy.

Light flooded through your cell as the door opened, two guards entering, one holding a hot flame and the other holding a tray, which held a small bowl of rice.

“Dinner, water rat.”

The bowl was sloppily placed on the ground, in front of the iron bars. You leant forward to retrieve it, before a heavy boot was pressed onto your forearm.

“Not so fast. You’ve got some guests, first.”

The guard removed his foot and you pulled your arm back through the bars, folding your knees and resting your palms on top of them.

Princess Azula entered the cell, followed by her two friends. You’d come across them before, back when Azula had been chasing you all across the world in order to capture Aang. You’d been surprised to find that Azula even had friends – though sure she had it within her to force a friendship if she so desired.

“Ah, my favourite guest,” Azula remarked as she cocked an eyebrow, hands on her hips. 

Behind her, the other girls watched you carefully. One had her black hair fashioned to fall down the sides of her face, with two buns on top of her head. She looked awfully severe, her tawny eyes looking straight  through you. The other girl had large, round brown eyes but they were missing the same, cold look you’d seen in Azula and the girl to her left. Raking over the three of them, your fingers tapped in anticipation. 

“As much as I’d love to make some new friends, I’m rather hungry. How can I help you, Princess?”

Azula snorted, hot smoke coming from her nose. 

“Your negative attitude is not becoming, water rat. This is Mai, and Ty Lee.”

Azula gestured to the girls behind her as Ty Lee stepped forward, next to Azula’s side. 

“Hi! It’s so great to meet you officially! We’ve heard so much about your healing abilities - you’re quite the talk of the Caldera you know,” Ty Lee began excitedly, bouncing up onto the balls of her feet. 

Azula rolled her eyes, seemingly unimpressed with Ty Lee’s enthusiasm. Giving Ty Lee a soft smile in return, you returned your gaze to Azula. Mai stood behind her, completely disinterested in you as she picked at her fingernails, flicking the broken pieces away.

“You’re not here to make friends, Ty Lee. Y/n is still a prisoner of the Fire Nation. And, in any case, we’ve come to inform you of an important… event happening in a few week’s time. I’m sure you’ve heard from your little friends about the upcoming eclipse?”

The atmosphere seemed to freeze around you, goose bumps shivering their way across your body. You opened your mouth to speak, but the air felt thick, too heavy, your brain unable to put the right words into your mouth.

“Bingo.”

Resisting the urge to put your face into your hands and scream, wail and howl in frustration, you calmly looked up at Azula, taking a deep breath before you spoke.

“I’d sooner feel your fire one hundred times than fight for the Fire Nation, if that’s what you’ve got in mind.”

Ty Lee’s brows furrowed in concern, Mai watching you from the corner of her eye as Azula laughed.

“Oh, don’t be so silly! No, you’ll be out there. You are aware of your healing abilities, right? You’ll be right where we need you, healing our loyal soldiers. Of course, it’s unlikely we’ll take any damage – we do know they’re coming, after all.”

Triumph bloomed across Azula’s face as she folded her arms, waiting and hoping for a dramatic reaction from you – but you knew better than to rise to the occasion.

“If that’s what you so desire, Princess Azula,” you responded dryly. Inside, your body was raging, and you craved water like you never had before – to even just smell it, would help to quench the anxiety racing through you.

“Oh, not just me, water rat. Prince Zuko thought you would be an excellent asset for us on the day, as did my father. There’s nothing better than a fun day out with friends, after all.”

At the mention of Zuko, Mai’s gaze finally flicked back to Azula. It was apparent that she had no real interest in what Azula had to say, and merely came along to get a good look at you.

“Speaking of Zuko, can we please go. This is boring, and he’s waiting for us in the palace,” Mai exclaimed, voice low and husky. She wasn’t wrong – she looked entirely bored.

“Zuko can wait!” Azula retorted, her voice rising. “It’s important our little pet knows her place in this. Besides, it’s not like your boyfriend even wants to go on our little vacation. Father has his meetings with his advisors, and precious Zuzu just can’t bear to be left out.”

“Gee, I wonder why. The family dynamics so great and all,” you muttered, though your heart did a quick few somersaults in your chest at the new revelation. Not only was the Fire Lord aware of the invasion, but Zuko – Prince Zuko – was out here dating one of his sister’s best friends.

Before you could blink, Azula had thrust a ball of flame in your face, her stare angry and menacing as she bent closer to you through the bars. The flame caught you off-guard, and you tried to shuffle back, getting tangled in your chains.

“If you don’t watch your mouth, water rat, I’ll give you a mark to match the Prince. It’s a shame for you he likes his women unmarked, otherwise you’d make the perfect pair. Both weak.” Just as quickly as she had pulled out the flame, Azula snatched her hand away, extinguishing it. Her eyes were deranged, almost animalistic. Ty Lee had one hand to her chest, and Mai stood with her arms folded, watching you with a careful expression. With a sharp turn and no goodbyes, the trio left your cell, slamming the door as they departed.

The scar on your leg stung, a phantom burn slowly scalding it. Letting out a deep breath, you sighed, running your hands over your leg. Your body shivered as it remembered the pain from Azula’s blue flame and in an effort to calm yourself you closed your eyes, imagining yourself sitting in a pool of spirit water, your energy being restored. Exhaustion seeped through you as you leant forward, finally able to collect the bowl of rice and eat. A small, tired sob escaped you, and for a very real and confronting moment you realised that perhaps, just maybe, Azula was right. Maybe Aang wasn’t supposed to defeat the Fire Lord – maybe he really was dead. You couldn’t confirm anything from your cage. Another short, sudden burst of sobs fell as you curled into a ball on the cell floor.

_____

A soft creak roused you, as a flickering orange hue seeped into your cell. Without even looking, you could tell that someone had brought you water, and the scent alone was enough to entice you, bringing you to the bars on your knees.

A hooded figure knelt in front of you, face shielded from view. The bowl was placed to their left, hands resting on their lap.

“For me?” you asked, throat hoarse from your previous tears.

“I’m… sorry it’s taken so long.”

“S’fine. I can tell you’re hiding,” a smile evident in your voice. “A real-life master of disguise.”

“Admittedly, not my best work.”

You both laughed, a secret little chime tingling through the air. Placing your hands on the bars, your eyes drifted back to the water bowl and you licked your lips without even realising.

“Can I?”

Another chuckle came from the robe, before the bowl was pushed towards you. “Go ahead.”

Without a second thought your palm reached out, pulling the water into your palm. You felt a release of pressure in your body like nothing you’d ever countered before – this was the longest you’d gone without being able to use your bending, and it had felt like you were missing not just one limb, but all of them. Crossing your legs, you straightened your back and pushed the water above your head before opening your palm and letting the water cascade over you like rain drops. A soft breath turned the water to ice, and you revelled in the cooling sensation. With a flick of your wrist, you sent the water to softly drizzle over your robed guest, laughing as they flinched but relented anyway. You continued to focus on the cascade of water, slowly turning into snowflakes as you recalled your last evening at home in Agna Qel’a.

“Why have you brought me this, Zuko?”

Sending a flurry of snowflakes at him, the hood fell back, confirming what you had already known. Zuko’s neck flushed a hot red, his pulse quickening. He wasn’t entirely sure how to answer your question – what exactly had brought him here? Other than that annoying, nagging feeling he’d had since you’d been thrown in here, his interaction with Azula after she’d returned from her own visit to your cell had reinforced the feelings he’d been having all along. Azula had commented on your appearance – bruised, battered and burnt – but the one that struck Zuko the most was wilted.

He’d once picked a magnificent fire lily, a gift for his mother, but distraction in the name of Azula had caused him to forget it, leaving it without water on his nightstand. When he had remembered it, he ran to collect it, hopeful that it would bring a smile to his mother’s face. Of course, it had wilted, and no amount of water was able to bring it back to life. The thought of the same thing happening to you – an absence of water wilting and drying you out for good – was not something that Zuko wanted to consider, and so he had evaded his sister, evaded his girlfriend, in order to deliver a bowl of water to a waterbending prisoner. Smiling to himself, Zuko thought of his Uncle Iroh – it seemed the exact type of thing that he would do if he was in this situation himself.

“I just don’t want you to dry out,” he answered, simply.

 _____

Day of the Black Sun

“You can’t be here,” you urged, hands clasped around the seam of Zuko’s robes.

“Come with me, then.”

Zuko had approached you in the infirmary, wounded soldiers filling the space quickly. The Fire Lord’s plan for the invasion was working, and there was nothing you could do to help. Zuko had his robe on, hood up, shielding himself from view.

“Zuko, please. Azula has threatened me with more than just fire. Just one week ago I was taken down to Harbor City, to heal. Azula has promised me, that if I attempt anything today, they will all be toast.”

Zuko watched you, eyes low and hands in his sleeves.

“Children, and families – innocent people will be harmed if I go with you. And-” You cut yourself short, words almost spilling from your lips. Your hands left Zuko’s robes and went to your chest, feeling your thumping heart.

“And what?” he said, darkly.

Glancing down, you picked at your nails, a sweet sweat coming over you. Spirits, did you want to believe in Zuko, you really did. But how could you be sure?

“Zuko… how can I,” you started, voice shaky. “You’ve hurt me too. How do I know you won’t do it again?”

A violent shudder rippled through Zuko at your words. He wasn’t surprised, though there was some small part of him that had hoped you had been able to see through the layers to the real Zuko that had lain hidden and dormant for years. Placing his hands over yours, he pulled you closer to his chest, foreheads once again touching like they had months ago in the Crystal Catacombs.

“Y/n, I will become the man you deserve,” Zuko murmured, his fingers delicately rippling through your hair.

I will. I will I will I will. 

Closing your eyes, you fumbled through the pockets of your robes before ripping into the seams, pulling out a delicate silver hair clip, adorned with white and blue gems and beads.

“Take this. Give it to Katara. Let the others know I’m okay,” you murmured as you placed the clip in his hands, holding your palms in his.

Gulping, you raised your eyes to look at him. Zuko framed your face with his hands, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips, before he slipped away – away from his father, his sister, his nation, and away from you.    

_____

oddment-niwit-blubber-tweak

eridanuswave

coldlilheart

thirstyforsometea

lammello

whalerus

astroninaaa

[hermannsthumb]

Please do holiday prompt 85 (unexpected apology)!

85. we haven’t been friends for years but we both end up at a mutual friend’s holiday party and you apologize for how things went down between us (which I wasn’t expecting in a million years)

from winter writing prompts here

it’s that time of year again everyone.....ive been so busy with school and zine stuff that im taking a little break to write this today ☺️ set very late 2019, before the Events of 2020

------------------

It occurs to Hermann as he stands amongst a handful of society’s most monied and high-ranking—mulled wine in hand, stiff suit buttoned too-tight around his neck—that he is not only completely out of his element, but residing at a level of desperation that he cringes to even consider. Hermann does not schmooze; Hermann has never had the capacity to schmooze; in all of his previous attempts at schmoozing (typically at the bequest of his father, who would tote Hermann around as a conversation piece at fundraising events), Hermann would come across invariably as disingenuous, uptight, and arrogant, and certainly not someone with whom one would entrust large cheques made out to the PPDC for.

Yes; desperation. To borrow the cliché, desperate times call for desperate measures. To borrow another, war changes man. Robots wage war on monsters from another world, the UN wages war on the jaeger program’s budget, and Hermann must wage war on prospective PPDC donors if he wishes to still be employed by the New Year. He can’t decide which sounds more horrendous, really.

“Would you like more wine, Dr. Gottlieb?” a passing waiter asks Hermann, and Hermann shakes his head.

“No, thank you,” he says. Hermann has always been a maudlin drunk; he doesn’t fancy risking over-drinking tonight, and making an embarrassment of himself by confessing to perfect strangers that his parents never loved him or that he fears he’ll never make a true human connection.

“Dr. Gottlieb?” someone says, incredulously.

Oh, bugger. He’s been found out. Hermann sighs, flattens down his cowlick, and plasters on a fake smile: the time has come for him to, er, lie back and think of the PPDC, so to speak. Hopefully it’ll go fast.

But when Hermann turns, it’s not to find some acquaintance of his father, or a perfect stranger familiar with his work, or even a distant colleague; it’s to find one Newton Geiszler (who Hermann may have considered a colleague, once, but certainly not anymore), dressed in a horrendous eyesore of a gold (gold) suit, nursing a large red cocktail in each hand, and staring at Hermann like he can’t decide if he wants to say something or turn and run. Hermann mirrors his stare. A pin could drop between them, and Hermann reckons, despite the undercurrent of music and chatter, they would be able to hear it.

Hermann is the one to break it. “Newton,” he says. Then he amends, quickly, “Dr. Geiszler. I wasn’t aware…” He coughs. He suddenly wishes he took another mulled wine, and wonders if it’s too late to summon back the waiter. “You are…here.”

“Uh,” Newton says. “Yeah.”

The last time Hermann saw Newton Geiszler, they were standing under an awning outside a Starbucks while a torrential downpour of rain pounded against the sidewalk and soaked their shoes. Hermann was shouting. Newton was shouting, too, and he may have also been crying. They had been asked to leave the building on account of it. That was nearly three years ago. “Er,” Hermann says. “Business? Or pleasure?”

Newton has hardly changed in the almost-three years; his hair remains thick and unruly, his jaw in bad need of a shave, his glasses smudged and slightly crooked. The suit is a bloody eyesore, though. Hermann imagines Newton thought it was festive. “Business.” Newton snorts. “God, you think I’d come here for fun? I haven’t had the money for a new sample in months, it was either this or, I don’t know, sticking mutated fish under microscopes. Kaiju blue poisoning. Been there done that, and not what I need to be doing now, you know? And you can thank your dad for that too, not having any fucking samples to work with, I mean, and his stupid wall—but I guess that’s why you’re here too. I heard they’re talking about pulling the plug on the jaeger program.”

Newton speaks quickly, and with a bewildering tendency to leap between topics like a game of hopscotch, something Hermann had quite forgotten. (They’d only met the once, after all, and Newton disguises it better in writing.) He follows it nonetheless. “Yes, well, they’re still only just rumors,” Hermann says, though he knows (with a certainty) that one more major failing of a jaeger might spell the end of it, “and I certainly hope they stay as such. I take it you’re with the PPDC now, then?”

Newton jerks a thumb towards the waistband of his gold suit, spilling a bit of his cocktail on the floor; Hermann at last notices the PPDC badge clipped to it. Newton’s grin is identical to the one in his photograph. “Hell yeah, dude,” he says. “They finally hired me about a month after we—” The corners of his mouth twitch down, ever so slightly. “—uh, got coffee.”

It had been a long-standing complaint of Newton’s, back when they wrote each other, that the PPDC was perfectly happy to use his research but turned a blind eye whenever he submitted yet another application for their k-science research team. Personality conflicts, Hermann always presumed. He and Newton certainly had plenty. Perhaps Hermann’s not the only one who’s grown desperate—a thought he scolds himself for the unkindness of a moment later. Newton is a brilliant scientist despite his difficulties and their past. “Of course,” Hermann says. “Well, congratulations. I hadn’t heard.”

“Wine?” a passing waiter asks them.

Newton shakes his head. Hermann takes one this time, gratefully.

“It’s been alright,” Newton says. He downs the entirety of the red cocktail in his right hand. “Like I said. Not many samples to work with. They had me stationed over in Vladivostok, but I got leave for the holidays. And for this I guess.”

“I’ve been in Seattle,” Hermann says. “I reckon they’ll be transferring me soon, though I haven’t an idea where.” More rumors, of course.

For a moment he allows himself the brief fantasy of being transferred somewhere with Newton, or perhaps it’s more of a fear than a fantasy—year after year of this sort of insufferable awkwardness? Being forced to work together? It’s something Hermann had longed for in the past, spending every day with his marvelous penpal at his side. It instills a sort of nausea in him now. Newton touches his arm before Hermann has the chance to excuse himself hide in the loo. “Hey, dude, listen,” Newton says. “About us getting coffee. I feel like I owe you an apology.”

Hermann can’t help it; he snorts, though he immediately regrets it. Newton, at least, does not look offended. “Do you?” Hermann says. Two and a half bloody years too late.

“I mean it,” Newton says. He blinks earnestly at Hermann, and squeezes Hermann’s arm. “I screwed it all up that day, and I could’ve—I don’t know, written, or texted, or anything to apologize, but I didn’t. And that was shitty of me. So I’m sorry, I really am. And…yeah. That’s it, I guess.”

It’s the last thing Hermann expected to hear today. It’s the last thing he expected to hear from Newton. The radio silence following that disastrous day at the coffee shop had been awful—and it’d been infuriating, too. Where had they even gone wrong that day? Hermann can’t remember anymore. Probably a fight over something inconsequential. “I see,” Hermann says. “Well. Er. Thank you, Newton. Your apology is...appreciated.”

“Cool,” Newton says.

He stares at Hermann expectantly.

“Oh,” Hermann says. “And I’m sorry, too, I suppose.”

“Cool,” Newton repeats.

He smiles at Hermann, and Hermann is momentarily suffocated by it, and the sudden reemergence of feelings he thought he’d quashed years ago. Newton is still very attractive. Very, very attractive. Hermann’s arm is warm and tingly from where Newton touched him, and he realizes the warmth is spreading up to his neck and cheeks—he’s blushing. “Hey, wanna check out the snack table with me?” Newton says. “I love the rich people food at shit like this. The last one I went to had oysters, which is totally weird. Like, it’s a gala.”

Hermann decides to accept it as the strange peace offering it obviously is meant to be. “Alright,” he says. “Though, I insist you explain your monstrosity of a suit first.”

“It’s classy,” Newton says. “Anyway, you’re one to talk, buddy.”

[sixmapleleafs]

father material // frederik andersen

Notes: This idea popped into my head whilst I was reading Skating lessons by @puckngrind (it’s amazing so go read it if you haven’t already) this might end up having a few parts I’m not sure yet.

Summary: One drunken night leaves you pregnant with no idea who the father is, until he walks into your apartment and introduces himself as a friend of your best friends boyfriend.

You cradled your newborn baby girl in your arms as she settled down, her tiny hand wrapped around your finger as you swayed gently from side to side. Becoming a single mother at age twenty four was not exactly in your plan but as you held your daughter close to your chest you couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, she was perfect.

“Y/n?” Your roommate and best friend called out from the kitchen but quickly lowered her voice when she saw the now sleeping baby in your arms. “Auston and his friends are downstairs, I’m going to go down and let them in” she said as she headed towards the door.

She had been dating Auston Matthews for about four months, after almost five months of just hooking up Auston had finally worked up the courage to ask her out properly and they’d been exclusive ever since. They’d actually met the same night you’d met your baby’s father, but he’d snuck out before you woke up the next morning and you couldn’t even remember his name thanks to the multiple drinks you’d had.

The new couple had been dying to merge their two friend groups but those plans had been put on hold, when you had given birth three weeks ago. You placed your sleeping baby down in the bassinet in your living room so you could watch over her whilst getting to know Auston’s friends. You threw the muslin cloth off your shoulder and quickly fixed your outfit, it was the first time since she had been born that you’d put some effort into your appearance and you actually felt quite good.

The door to your apartment opened a few minutes later and two large men came bounding in, your roommate frantically shushing them from behind making you laugh. “This is y/n”, she said and you walked over to them.

“Hi, I’m Morgan” one of them said and he pulled you into a quick hug, “and this is Willy” he said pointing to the other blonde man.

“Hi” he said and hugged you as well.

“Is this your baby?” Morgan said quietly from where he was already on the other side of the room, leaning over the bassinet that held your sleeping bundle of joy.

“Yeah, she’s just gone down for a nap so she won’t be up for a while” you said as you and Willy joined him.

“She’s so cute” Willy added and you smiled.

“Y/n can you come help me with the food?” Your friend asked from the kitchen and you left the two hockey players staring at your baby to go help her.

“You remember Auston” she said as he placed a quick kiss to her forehead and you nodded.

“Hi Auston, it’s nice to see you again” you said and he hugged you quickly like the others. He pulled away when there was a knock on your front door.

“That must be Freddie” he said. Something about that name rang a bell but you pushed it aside and went to help your friend.

“Hi Fred” she said as the two men walked into your kitchen, you were looking through the fridge but you almost dropped the salad dressing when you heard his voice. “This is y/n” she introduced you.

You turned around and your eyes widened as you took in the man in front of you. It was him. The guy from the bar. Your baby’s father. He was stood in front of you.

“Y/n?” Your roommates voice broke you out of your thoughts.

“Sorry, hi I’m y/n” you said and from the look on his face you could tell he remembered you.

“Freddie” he said and your friend looked between the two of you with a weird expression on her face. Freddie left to go join the other guys and you quickly distracted yourself with the salad before you were cornered by your friend.

“What was that all about? You looked like you’d seen a ghost when you saw him” she said.

“It’s nothing don’t worry” you said your eyes remaining on the salad in front of you.

“Y/n?” She said in the tone she used to make you admit things.

“Ok fine, don’t freak out ok?” She nodded so you continued, “he’s Amelie’s father” you said quietly.

“What the fuck?” She practically screamed and your hand flew to cover her mouth.

“Babe? Everything ok?” Auston said as he came into the kitchen looking kind of panicked.

“Yeah it’s fine, can you bring this to the table please?” She said handing him the salad.

“Um ok” he said retreating back into the living/dining area.

“I thought you didn’t know who he was” she said turning her attention back to you.

“I didn’t, I couldn’t remember his name or what he looked like but when I saw him it all came back to me” you said buring your face in your hands as you leant on the counter.

“So he has no idea?” She said and you nodded. “Are you going to tell him?”

“Of course I am, she’s literally asleep in there right now” you said motioning towards the living room.

“Oh my God, this is crazy” she said and you nodded in agreement.

“Come on, they’re probably wondering what’s taking so long”

You smiled as you entered the living room, glancing over at Amelie quickly to see she was still sleeping soundly with her pacifier in her mouth. You sat down in between Morgan and Willy and Morgan quickly pulled you into a conversation about your life and how you ended up in Toronto. He told you about his career and his girlfriend in Vancouver, Willy joined in when you mentioned your brother in Chicago and the three of you chatted away until you had to get up to go to the bathroom.

Once you were done, you opened the door and walked straight into a hard chest which you quickly learnt belonged to Freddie.

“Sorry” you said stepping back so you could look up at him.

“It’s ok, I was just looking for you actually” he said and you looked at him confused, “I wanted to apologise for leaving that morning, I should’ve left a note or something but I was late to practice and I was hungover and I-“

“I don’t need to hear your excuses Freddie” you said cutting him off.

“I’m not making excuses I promise” he said “I just don’t want things to be awkward between us, especially since we’re probably going to be spending more time together now”.

“It’s ok Freddie really and I actually have something I need to tell you” you began but you were interrupted by small cries coming from your baby in the living room.

“Excuse me” you said finally breaking eye contact and stepping past him to get to your baby.

“I didn’t mean to wake her I swear” Auston said with his hands up in surrender and you laughed as you picked Amelie up.

“It’s ok, she’s due for a feed anyway” you said as you held her close to your chest, she settled almost instantly and you excused yourself to your room so you could feed her without flashing anybody. You locked eyes with Freddie, he was stood frozen in his place with an unreadable expression on his face.

You let out a sigh when you closed the door behind you and sat down on your bed, resting against the headboard. You closed your eyes as she latched on, only opening them when she began to fuss indicating she was done. You burped her quickly and then made your way out to join the others. You sat down in your spot in between Willy and Morgan, both men immediately turning their attention to Amelie in your arms.

“She’s so small” Willy commented from beside you as Amelie gripped his finger with her tiny hand. “How old is she?” He asked.

You looked up and made eye contact with Freddie, his eyes were moving quickly between you and the red headed baby in your arms. “She’ll be three weeks old tomorrow”.

“Can I hold her?” Morgan asked and you nodded, you moved Amelie into his arms once he was in position and she stared up at him with her big blue eyes.

“What’s her name?” Willy asked.

“Amelie Rose” you told him.

“That’s a pretty name” he said, seemingly infactuated with the tiny human being that was resting in his teammates arms.

“Y/n could you help me bring the food out? It’s all ready” your roommate said and you nodded, turning to Morgan as you stood up.

“Are you ok to hold her for a minute?” You asked and he nodded, Willy immediately taking your spot on the couch as both men awwed over the tiny human.

“So are you sure Freddie’s the father?” She asked and you shushed her, peeking your head around the corner to make sure no one heard her.

“He’s the only guy I’ve slept with in the last year so she has to be his” you answered.

“Do you think he knows? I mean he was staring at you both, maybe he’s figured it out” she said and you shook your head.

“I don’t know, maybe. I’m not sure. But I need to tell him tonight” you said and she nodded.

“I’ll get the guys out onto the balcony after dinner so you can talk” she said making you smile, she was always there for you and you were very grateful for her.

“Thank you so much” she pulled you into a hug and muttered a quick “anytime y/n” before she rescued the steaks from the pan.

The guys sat down at the table as your roommate plated up the food. Morgan handed Amelie back to you and you placed her in her bouncy chair so you could eat too. You could feel Freddie’s eyes on you the whole time but he’d quickly shift his gaze whenever you looked up at him.

Just like she said, your roommate dragged the other three guys out onto the balcony once everyone was finished, making up something about how pretty the view was. Freddie had gone to the bathroom so you had a few seconds to compose yourself. Amelie started to fuss behind you and you were quick to get up and comfort her. You knelt beside the bouncy chair and turned it to her favourite setting, she calmed down and you ran your finger over her cheeks as you put the pacifier back in her mouth.

You jumped when Freddie knelt down beside you, his hand steadied you and you offered him a small smile. He let it rest there as you spoke.

“Freddie I have to tell you something” you said and your voice wavered slightly, you could feel the tears prickling at your eyes. What if he didn’t want anything to do with her? Or worse, what if he tried to take her away from you? A million thoughts flooded your mind but you were brought back to reality by his hand that rubbed your back gently.

“Is she mine?” He questioned and you looked back up at him, “I’ve done the math and it all adds up so unless you’ve been with someone else, then it makes sense” he said. His voice was calm and he didn’t sound even a little bit upset.

“I was going to tell you” you interjected, “but I couldn’t remember your name or what you looked like, I just didn’t know how to reach you”.

“It’s ok y/n” he said and sat down properly beside you, you copied his actions and reached your hand over to Amelie which she gripped tightly. “It’s my fault really, like I said I should never have left without waking you up or leaving my number or something. I wanted to stay, I honestly did, but I was running so late” he explained.

“Seriously Freddie it’s ok, you don’t have to explain yourself to me” you said, “and I don’t expect anything from you” he took his eyes off your daughter and gave you a confused look.

“Like money or anything, and you don’t have to be a part of her life if you don’t want to be” you explained and his brows furrowed.

“What makes you think I wouldn’t want to be a part of her life?” he said and now he sounded kind of hurt.

“You’re a hockey player, Freddie. You’re extremely busy and I’m sure having a kid with some random girl you barely remember was not part of the plan. I’m just saying I get it, if you’d rather stick to your current lifestyle”. His face soften at your words and he let out a sigh.

“You’re right. It wasn’t exactly what I had planned but you’re not just some random girl y/n. You might not remember that night but I do, it was amazing and I really liked you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you for weeks, I was going to come back here and ask you out but I figured you wouldn’t want to see me since I left before you woke up” you blushed as he spoke and focused your gaze back at your daughter who was watching the toys bounce above her head.

“That’s really sweet Freddie” you said, “but it’s a big deal being a parent and I don’t want you to feel forced into anything”.

“I want to be here for you y/n, both of you” he said and you smiled when your eyes met his again.

“Ok, we’ll figure something out then” you said and he nodded.

“Can I hold her?”

-

Part two will be up shortly, like I said I got this idea whilst reading Skating lessons by @puckngrind so go check out that fic because it’s amazing.

[lokidrabbles]

Heated Shelter II (Loki x Reader

Part 1). Reader and Loki wake up the following morning; Loki continues to have some doubts.

A/N: Second part to this little oneshot, this time from the Reader’s perspective. Also another, kinda part of my Loki x Reader Winter series? Let’s say yes. A always, gender neutral reader!

Tags: @desparadowrites​  Hope you enjoy! (if anyone would like to be tagged in any particular stories or series, please don’t hesitate to message me!)

Warnings: Slight angst, implied smut

You had woken up, your body already accustomed to awakening at a certain time.  Your eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the soft light from your Christmas tree in your living room. It was morning by the looks of it. A soft blue hue shone from your window; the sun would be rising in a couple of minutes. Soon the memories of that night hit you, and you looked down to find a familiar weight on your lap. Your heart began to pound rapidly at the sight of Loki, still sleeping in the exact same position you had left him. His hands were still placed gently over his chest, which rose up and down in such a smooth manner. His face was peaceful, completely unbothered by the awkward position you both had knocked out together.

You debated whether to wake him up or to let him continue to rest a bit more. Although he hesitated on providing details about why he was in such a state last night, you understood well enough from his non-verbal language. He was exhausted, mentally tired of having to deal with the acculturation of Earth, and of course with dealing with Tony, who was no walk in the park. You wished you could do more for him and hoped at least this tranquil night allowed him to recuperate from whatever difficulties he was experiencing.

But your thighs were killing you. And you needed use the restroom.

How do you wake up an Asgardian? Or Loki for that matter without having a dagger appear at your throat. You felt stupid just shaking him or calling out his name. Surely there’s another way to approach this without placing yourself in danger. Instead, you opted to gently poke his cheek, hoping the odd sensation would slowly push him awake.

“Hey.” You said lowly. No avail. The man continued to remain still, still breathing soothingly. A thought ran through your mind, thinking how it must be a crime somewhere to look this good while sleeping.

You poked again, a bit harsher and cleared your throat.

“Loki. It’s morning. Wake up.”

He grunted a bit this time, obviously annoyed at your finger jabbing his cheek. A bemused look formed upon your face. How far could you possibly take this?

You lowered your head to reach his ear closer with a devious grin.

“Loki! Hurry! Thor’s about to take his pants off!”

Loki jolted awake, eyes wide, and arms and legs spazzing out of control. The intensity of the reaction pushed him off of your lap, sending him crashing onto your floor.

“Oh my god, Loki!” You reached out to him, holding back an uncontrollable laugh. “Are you okay?”

He groaned, pushing himself upwards from the floor and wiping an eye with the palm of his hand. He immediately narrowed his eyes at you, irritation all over his face.

“That is not funny.” He responded, sending you into a fit of giggles. “Aren’t you supposed to be an adult?”

You covered your mouth, doing your best at restraining your humor. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. God you looked like a frightened cat. I swear your hair even puffed up.”

His frown impossibly grew even wider. “If you wanted me to leave, you could have just told me so.”

“Oh don’t be a baby.” You retorted, standing up at stretching out your sore legs and arms. “It was just a bit of mischievous fun. You like that, don’t you?”

“No, that was simply mean. I’m certain you don’t enjoy being rudely awakened by such a shrill sound.” He remained on your floor, arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeesh. Fine, I’m sorry. Hey look, how about I make us some breakfast and we’ll call it even?” You said, clapping your hands enthusiastically.

He rolled his eyes at your eagerness. “I suppose.”

“Great!”

You began to tip toe around Loki, who apparently made himself quite comfortable on your carpeted floor. Your display of contentment wasn’t for show or to irk at his sardonic nature. You were truly content that he didn’t threaten your life with your little prank, and that he willingly remained here to spend the morning with you. While something tugged at you to cast away any hopes of your relationship with Loki blossoming into something more than ‘work buddies’, you ignored it, selfishly enjoying your present time with him.

Your preoccupied mind however prevented you from noticing Loki’s own mischievous glint. As you tip toed around him, he strategically moved his legs in such a manner which caused your to overstep in the wrong place. The movement was instant, and before you knew it, you were careening forward, landing flat faced onto the floor.

“Ehehehe.”

You pushed yourself against the floor, immediately pressing your palm on your irritated cheek. You turned your head to look at him, shit-grin all over his mug.

“Who’s mean now! Jesus fuck Loki.” You shrieked at him, caressing your cheek. “That fucking hurt.”

He shrugged. “I suppose we are completely even now.”

“I could have broken my nose, what you have done then!” You continued caressing your cheek. It did actually hurt, and little tears began to form at the corner of your eyes.

“Be thankful it was just that. If I wanted to, I could have made it so snakes would appeared in your trousers.”

“Ugh. I think my cheek is swelling up now. I’m gonna need to get an ice pack.” You said as your lifted yourself to stand.

Loki’s grin soon dissipated and he too pushed against the floor to stand up beside you.

“Let me take a look at it.” He said, gripping your wrist and gently tugging your hand away from your cheek.

You complied with him and allowed him to inspect your reddened cheek. You peeked at him, curious about his sudden change in temperament. A second ago he was laughing at your embarrassing fall, albeit well deserved. Now, his eyes scanned all over your face, unknowingly taking in every little detail available. You admitted the tender attention was sickeningly sweet. He released his grip on your wrist, letting it slowly fall back to your side. He placed his hand on your warm cheek, and you felt a satisfying cooling relief.

“Your hand feels really nice there.” You commented, avoiding direct eye contact.

“You’ll have to forgive my ruse. I didn’t think you’d actually take such a hard fall. I should have known better.”

“It’s fine, I kinda deserved it.”

He chuckled slightly, lips remaining apart. “I hurt you and you want to take blame for it. I don’t comprehend you at all.”

“I mean, you didn’t really intent for me to get a broken nose or anything like that right?”

“Of course not. But it’s not just that.”

Your gaze finally met his, his face now stern and serious. “What do you mean?”

“This prior evening,” He began. “You allowed me here, into your home. And yet, I lashed out at you, questioned your every motive, and still you allowed me to persist and remain here for the entirety of the night. Why?”

You were dumbfounded. Loki had never spoken to you with this level of intensity. He got angry, he lashed out, he was sarcastic, but he had never shown you this degree of concern and conviction. Needless to say, you had no imaginable idea on how to respond back to him.

“Because you’re my friend.” It was the best thing you could decipher at the moment.

“No.” He shook his head slowly, now gripping your shoulders. “No, that’s not it. Even what you’d consider acquaintances have certain limits. But you. What are you looking to get out of me?”

This was heading into a very undesirable direction. From what you could interpret, Loki had a skewed perception your friendship. Your relationship with him. A perception involving a system of give and take, and he had assumed you wanted something out of him. Something invalidating.

“You don’t think it’s possible that I just enjoy being with you?” You asked softly, disbelief in your voice. The burning in your cheek persisted slightly.

He didn’t say anything, which you figured he was at a loss for words. His grip remained on your shoulders and his gazed stuck upon yours as well. Perhaps this idea was still very alien to him.

“I’ll be disappointing (y/n). I don’t even know what convoluted part of my mind decided to bring me here.” He looked defeated. This really was a bizarre conversation for him.

“My god Loki. You’re a smart guy. I’m sure you would’ve figured out by now that I have no hidden intentions with you.” You replied. “I screamed in your ear and you tripped me. That’s about as blatant as I see our relationship.”

“I don’t intent to trip you anymore if your body can’t handle it.” He jested.

You reached to grab his hands and slowly pulled them off of your shoulders. “You have to tell me that you understand though. I don’t want you questioning me or my motives with you. You’re important to me and the only person who makes my workplace tolerable.”

He lifted an eyebrow at you, a smirk coming in naturally. “Very bold of you to say.”

“But. Do you understand. Yes?”

Loki lowered himself to bring himself next to your puffy cheek. He tenderly laid a gentle kiss upon it, as if he was literally kissing your injury away with benevolence. His lips felt soft and soothing against your skin, and you swore your pain almost vanished instantly. But mostly because Loki had just kissed your cheek in the most dramatic manner possible.

You hummed approvingly. “You know, it just so happens that it hurts right here as well.” You said coyly, pointing to your forehead.

He couldn’t resist a titter from his part. “Trying to be sly with me human? Don’t take my physicality for granted.”

Your eyes veered off to the side. “Actually, it hurts here as well.” This time you pointed to the curve of your neck. “Honest!”

You were actually joking with that one, but became pleasantly surprised when he wrapped an arm around your waist, bringing your body close to his and allowing him to tongue and suckle at your neck. Shivers ran from your toes all the way at the top of your head as Loki’s wet tongue and lips nipped a your sensitive skin. You moaned pleasingly, allowing it to persist for a brief moment until you pushed him away gently. He leaned onto you, almost seemingly begging for more. “Okay, I may have gotten carried away with that one.” You said nervously, covering your moistened neck.

“Wait.” Loki began, halting you. “Don’t you have a bed?”

Your eyes widened. “I do.”

You grabbed onto Loki’s hand and lead him deep into your bedroom, soon forgetting about breakfast, your probably bruised cheek, and the unmistakable doubt that had been shared earlier. 

---

[carrotcakesweetie]

Please, Sit and Stay for a Awhile...

We have all been a victim of it, but yet we all swear we haven't. We wake up everyday thinking we need some kind of morning routine to be more proactive, we watch makeup tutorials and product reviews, we read over endless forums on skincare and hair care and what are the best products and what celebrity uses them. We go shopping for the latest trends and the serotonin from that new outfit you've gotten lasts only about a day or two. We see pictures of girls in wigs, and we bring them to our hairdressers with unrealistic expectations. We sit in the long drive-thru lines to pay for an expensive cup of coffee, that we could have made in the comfort of our homes.

                * I find myself on the floor of the shower one day, unable to bring myself to stand and allowing the hot water to fully submerge my face. A few moments pass, and finally, I take a gasp of air. My mind riddled with these thoughts, almost constantly. I am a prisoner in my own mind. I have been a prisoner here since I was merely 11 years old. The very first year I knew what it felt like to compare myself to other women. It gets a little stale in this prison I must admit, there are so many women here that it's hard to make my way around. Sometimes I bump into women that change their outfit 7 times a day, and I don't think I've ever seen that one red-headed girl without false eyelashes on a day since she's been here, oh yeah! there is that new girl with beautiful brown eyes that I see pretty often but she doesn't eat much of anything. It's kind of impossible trying to make conversation here, sometimes I can't tell if someone is being friendly, or if they are holding a sharp dagger behind their back. Anyways... as I've stated I have been here for many and many years. The strange thing about this prison is that no matter how much time has gone past it's still the same. Different styles and colors every now and then...but the people remain the same. *

- As I stand wobbly like in the bathroom, I hunch forward over my bathroom vanity and give myself a deep look in the mirror and I ask myself why I am allowing myself to remain imprisoned in these thoughts-

                                                   *So Pause*

                In order to take control of my life again, I needed to state some ground rules

As someone who has always been guilty of maybe bending the rules just a smidge, I knew this would be quiet the challenge. However, it's frankly now or never and no in-between. I have already wasted so much delicate time and for that, it is already difficult to forgive myself. Yet I must set sail.

                                                      Rule #1

      Stop Being So Judgemental: Now whether we consider ourselves to be good people or not, we are all guilty of being judgemental in some way or some form. Being judgemental to me looks like this:

Having a preconceived notion about someone or something that you don't understand or don't know right to be true. However your opinion is upmost absolutely certain, and nothing can change your mind. (Point Blank. The END. PERIOD)

Getting past this is not only crucial for your own mental well being, but it also helps you to forge better relationships with people. You are on your way to becoming a much more compassionate human being. My relationship will be thankful for it. My future relationships will be grateful.

                                                         Rule #2

Not Overreacting or Taking Things Personally: This was/is a HUGE DEAL for me. I am guilty of being a tad bit overdramatic you could say, and I had a difficult time not letting things get to me.

Not taking things as personally has helped me to understand that everyone's situation is different and that just because I might think someone has shown me disrespectful behavior, that shouldn't warrant any emotional response. Let's face it, emotional reactions are not that pleasant. It makes things uncomfortable and sometimes awkward. Overreacting at the moment can lead to regret in the future. Though I may be freaking out on the inside, I have found it much more functional to remain calm and unbothered. Though sometimes, this can lead me to seem a little dissociative, I have found it to bring a lot more zen into my life.

                                                          Rule #3

  NO MORE BEAUTY GUROS: This rule is very special and unique to me. This was the most difficult thing for me to swallow. I have made it a personal goal this year, to completely feel comfortable without makeup and in my own skin. Makeup has been nothing but a crutch for me since I was a teenager. My relationship with it is very toxic. This is not unique to me, but like many women, I have never considered myself to be beautiful without it. Whenevenever I started my minimalist journey, the hardest thing for me to part with, was my makeup. Now I am glad to say I am down to one small makeup bag and I'm looking to keep knocking it down.

     Remember this: I am not talking down about the artistry of makeup. I understand many women use it as an art form. I have just been riddled with acne for almost all of my teen and adult life and turned to cosmetics for confidence.

I feel like letting this go will be my biggest challenge to overcome in life (which is rather sad to admit), but even downsizing and progressing to a more natural look,  has honestly done wonders for me. I save SO SO much money, by not frequenting cosmetic stores and I feel SO much better about myself when I'm not burying myself in makeup and skincare tutorials before bed every night, searching for answers I'd never find. It's scary how much I was consumed with always wanting to look a certain way. The truth is, no amount of makeup would ever make me feel complete.

& ALSO MY HAIR-  After graduating beauty school, I thought for sure that I'd like to "FIXUP" my hair all of the time. I used to be very insecure about my hair texture and I often wore it short for that reason.

                 Now You'd be lucky to see my hair brushed, and Honestly, I love it.

                          A little chaos never hurt anybody, but only a little ;)

                                                          Rule #4

GOODBYE FAST FASHION, HELLOW SLOW FASHION: Good quality items Ladies!

Whenever I shop, I like to make sure I know exactly what I'm looking for. I want to make sure my clothes last, they fit well, and they are good for my skin and the environment! I used to ALWAYS look for a bargain deal. The truth is, you're spending less money now to have to replace it with more money in the near future. I like to make sure whatever it is that I buy will be timeless. This means it will never not be in style and I will always have clothes to wear for many, many years to come.

The truth is, that your clothes, your body, and your hair are the least most interesting things about you. Unless fashion is YOUR LIFE don't let it have yours.

                                                    Rule #5

  QUALITY LIFE AND QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS: We all know the famous quote "life is short"

We are always making inspiration boards, Saying "I WISH" way too often, and sometimes even "MAYBE ANOTHER TIME".

Will there be another time? One of the most common things people tend to say on their deathbeds is that they wish they would have spent more time with someone they loved. I don't want to be that person.

I think that sometimes we are so focused on the number of people in our lives, versus the quality of the relationships you already have. How many people in your phone can you call and talk to and trust them to have your best interest in mind? Ok, now how many people do you have stored in your phone?

                             YES, I DECLUTTER MY LIFE IN PEOPLE TOO.

Not everyone is going to add value to your life, and not everyone has your best interest in mind. Whenever you have fewer things bothering you and surrounding you...you start wanting more out of life and turn to the people you are closest to.

These are some of the biggest rules that have helped me with my growth and truthfully finding myself as a woman. I feel like having a simpler approach to life, is the very key to happiness. We as humans like to over complicate things, but who needs the added pressure.  If you always imagined yourself frolicking in a field of daisies on a stormy day, and coming home to a candlelit home in the middle of nowhere. Wearing long and comfortable dresses, and making homemade bread all day. Then you do it! (Maybe that's just me, but I embrace my childlike dreams) Only you are in control of the world you live in. Don't feel pressured to live everyone else's. <3

To whomever is reading this, I hope you at least can take this on with you. Learn to love the way you look (and I mean really look), learn to love both the child and the woman within you, learn to love other women and encourage them to find their true selves, and learn to not pass judgment and hopefully you will inspire someone else to do the same...we are all in search of a quality life.

                                                                     Let us escape this prison together,

                                                                                        Carrot Cake Sweetie

[imaginesforyourfandom]

Jealous? - Christen Press Imagine

(Y/N) POV

“Are you even listening?” I turned towards Alex who was glaring at me. I looked back over to where Christen was talking with Pinoe and then back at Alex.

“Nope.” She rolled her eyes earning a laugh from me.

“I am trying to tell you about this stupid interview.”

“I know and I am sorry, but have you seen Christen?” I defended earning a head shake from the forward next to me.

“You have plenty of time later to stare at your girlfriend. I need you to pay attention right now. This is important.”

“Why can’t you just tell Christen? She’ll be there too. I listen to her more than you.”

“You listen to her more than you listen to anyone else.” Kelley commented as I nodded my head.

“As she should.” I turned and grinned when the forward in question came and took a seat next to me. She kissed my cheek as I rested an arm on the back of her chair.

“Okay listen about this interview…” I tuned Alex out as I took a moment to run my eyes over Christens face. I couldn’t believe how beautiful this one human being was. I don’t know what I did to have such a wonderful person as my own, but I was never letting go.

“I swear to god I am going to punch you.” I turned back towards Alex who was still glaring at me.

“What?”

“I’ll let her know.” Christen said with a laugh as Alex rolled her eyes at me again.

The rest of the day was spent with me attached to Christens side. Whenever she is around there is no one else that can hold my attention. I continue to be mesmerized by her presence and I have yet to hear any complaints about the attention she gets from me so…

“Okay I need you to focus.” She said as I tried to lean in and kiss her again. “No. Pay attention. This is important.”

“What?” I asked as she smiled at me.

“This interviewer is notorious for twisting things around. You just need to be nice and careful with your wording.”

“I’m always careful.” I commented as she nodded her head.

“I know but you need to be extra careful.”

“Okay. I will.” I said as she nodded her head. I leaned in to kiss her as she smiled. She didn’t stop me this time as we spent the next few minutes just enjoying each other’s company.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

It wasn’t long before we had to go to do our interviews together. We were spending a little bit of media day together which was nice. I didn’t usually get to do media with her. It was usually Alex and I paired up, but this was much better. The whole day seemed to drag before we finally got to the last interview, which is the one I had been warned about multiple times.

“Hi, I am Estelle Tate and you’re watching Off the Field. I am joined today by two stars of the US Women’s Soccer Team, (Y/N) (Y/LN) and Christen Press. Welcome Ladies!”

“Thanks for having us.” I said with a bright smile. She started out by asking us about the upcoming games and the Olympics next year. I got a little annoyed at the fact that she was mainly talking to me, but I remained as friendly as I could be. Christen is much more well-spoken than me so usually she is the one that does all the talking.

“Well, that is all the time we have for today. Thank you again for joining us!” I smiled and nodded my head.

“Yeah thanks for having us.” I shot a look towards Christen who seemed very sarcastic. She wasn’t usually like that as the camera was turned off. I immediately moved to take my mic off as one of their assistants came over to help.

“(Y/N) you did great! I think my audience is going to love you” I smiled at her as she came in for a hug.

“Oh” I hugged her back before letting go. “I had a great time”

“Yeah I would love to interview you again sometime. I help with this blog that spotlights different athletes. Here’s my number. You should give me a call.” I took the card from her and thanked her again before turning to walk away.

“You okay?” Christen turned towards me with a frown as I shot her a look of concern.

She shrugged her shoulders as we left the studio. She didn’t speak to me the entire way back from the hotel. I felt awkward with her just sitting there not looking or speaking to me. Once we got back to the hotel, she immediately left me in the car as she headed inside. I frowned getting out and heading into the building. I found Alex, Kelley, and Pinoe in the lobby as I made my way towards them.

“Hey guys.” I said sitting down as they all smiled at me.

“Hey. Why do you look so confused? You look like that one time Christen tried to explain politics to you…”

“In my defense, the political system is confusing.” I said as they all laughed at me. “I think Christen is mad at me, but I don’t know why…”

“Did you say something stupid?”

“I don’t think so.” I said running back through everything we had done and what I’ve said and coming up with nothing.

“Maybe you should try this thing called talking to figure it out.” Alex said giving me a look.

“Because I totally didn’t think of that.” I responded sarcastically earning a small smile from the forward.

I stood up and headed up towards my shared room with Christen trying to figure out what I was going to say to the girl. When I entered the room, christen was sat on the bed scrolling through her phone. She looked up at me as I gave her a smile. She then looked back down at her phone without acknowledging me further. I frowned as I stood for a moment before walking towards the bed and sitting down.

“So, this is usually the time when you tell me whatever I did, and I apologize…” I said as she sighed putting her phone down. She must have noticed my pout because she put her hands on her face before looking at me.

“You didn’t do anything.”

“You say that…but you also seem very upset with me and I don’t like that.”

“(Y/N)”

“Christen” We stared at each other for a moment before I looked away and took a deep breath. “I don’t like being like this with you.”

“I know. It’s really not your fault.”

“If you could just tell me…”

“I was jealous.” She cut me off abruptly as I stopped and stared at her.

“Jealous?” I gave her a confused look as she nodded her head. “Over what?”

“Estelle Tate. She was flirting with you the entire time.” I thought back to the interview and tried to recall a moment she had been flirting with me.

“She was?” I asked as Christen rolled her eyes standing up.

“It’s fine. I know its not your fault.”

“No, I really don’t…are you sure?” I stood so we were standing in front of each other as she gave me an annoyed look.

“Yeah it was blatantly obvious…how could you not notice?”

“Well, you’re the only person I notice…” Her face seemed to soften a little at my statement. She took a step closer to me grabbing my face and giving me a kiss. I leaned into her wrapping my arms around her to hold her close to me.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled against my lips as I smiled just a little.

“You have nothing to be sorry about…”

“I shouldn’t have been jealous. I know you love me, and you wouldn’t do anything like that. I just don’t want to lose you.”

“You will never lose me. Christen…you’re the only person I will ever love. You blow me away and I feel like I can never get enough of you. No one will ever compare to you. I have no reason to notice anyone else because I have the best thing ever right here.”

“I love you so much.” She wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me closer and giving me a kiss. I smiled reciprocating immediately.

“I love you too.”

The End.