#in 7th grade English I started the year in a reading group with other kids

[steampoweredace]

Been learning about that weird way people have been trying to teach kids to read, and

I'm very fucking confused?

Like, yes, taking cues from surrounding text can be useful, mostly to figure out what a new word means, but taking cues from pictures?

The pictures go away

I started 1st grade in 2001. At the start of the year, everyone in my class got given a little drawer with books that were considered appropriate for our reading level, and I started out with completely different books from the rest of my class. My books had chapters and if there were any illustrations, they weren't very common. Other kids ended the year with the same type of book.

If I ran into a new word? I had to do my best to sound it out and figure out what it meant from context. And I remained one of the best readers in my classes 'til I finished high school.

Also, like, some words/names would be kinda hard to illustrate, I think? Pictures are not the best way to figure out what you're reading.

Hell, I still sound out new words/names, especially if it's a long one. I'm unsure how else you'd go around trying to learn things like para-dimethylaminobenzaldehyde (it's a chemical. do not ingest it. you can say it to the tune of the Irish Washerwoman!).

[scarisd3ad]

Found you | rewrite Steve harrington x f!hopper!reader

Decided to post this weeks posts on Saturday and Sunday so expect hp fanfic tomorrow!

Masterlist

Next

"Pulse is gone!"

"Start compression! We're losing her!"

Freshman year 1982

"Hey you alright?" I blinked back awake from my daze. Why was I thinking about it again, why now? Well I knew why now. it was almost the 5 year anniversary of her death. She had been gone for 5 years.

It's weird losing a younger sibling she was most definitely supposed to live longer than me, a long healthy life. She was supposed to grow old with me.

"Y/n?" My best friend Michele asked waving her hand in front of my face. "What?" My brows furrowed together as I cocked my head to the side a bit. "Are you alright?" She asked again. I nodded "yeah of course I'm alright shell" I replied.

I had known Michelle since elementary school her and her family were like my second family. We went to most of elementary school together until my family and I moved to New York for my dads job. But I obviously eventually moved back to hawkins after…well my sister died.

"Mkay, you're going to need to get into groups of two for this assignment so go ahead and figure that out for yourselves." Mrs. Bixton said as she wrote down the details of the assignment up on the bored.

Both Michelle and I looked up at each other almost as if we were reading each others minds.

"Nope, nope, nope, nope!" Most of us looked up at mrs. Bixton brows furrowed as she made her way towards of the back of the room. I looked back to see her walking over to steve harringtons desk. Steve was a sophomore but failed English the year prior causing him to have to retake the entire class. He sat at the back with some of his popular freshman friends talking his little life away, having no care in the world. Even though he would most likely not even graduate if he failed the class again.

"You're not working with Amanda again, Steven" He rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his seat, with his perfectly styled hair. God he looked so gorgeous but somehow totally stuck up at the same time. I had harboured a good long probably life long crush on Steve harrington since the end of middle school I would say. He just looked at me with his perfect chocolate brown eyes, and I was instantly hooked.

"Last time you guys had a group assignment you and Amanda talked through the entire class time. I AM NOT DOING THAT AGAIN!" She said raising her voice which just made him and his friends laugh. "You're gonna go work with y/n, who ever y/n's partner is will work with Amanda."

Michelle groaned as she looked over at me. I sent her an apologetic smile as she lazily got up grabbing her stuff and walking towards the back of the class. I guess this is what you get for being a good 'model' student. I wasn't necessarily a good kid I had my moments of course but I did definitely know how to sit, shut up, and listen while in class.

"Soo.." Steve said as he sat down in Michelle's seat. "Y/n, I'm y/n" Steve definitely had known me Michelle's girlfriend Liv was definitely a well known girl at hawkins high and even middle. They had been friends since they were in 7th grade and I even hung out with them from time to time. "Yeah y/n that's right, um do you think maybe I could come to yours? Tonight maybe?" I nodded as I leaned back in my seat. My dad wouldn't be home till late anyway so the 'No boys rule" would barely even be broken.

"Yeah so I guess we could do some planning I guess" he said with his signature 'pretty boy' smirk on his face as he pushed Michelle's desk towards mine. I nodded as I ripped a paper out of my notebook and began to write our names on it.

Y/n hopper, Steve harrington              9/10/82

"So do the project about how the main conflict between the two main characters impacted the story? That seems easy enough for you huh?" I asked not really trying to sound rude but it definitely did. "What'd you mean by that?" He asked with a chuckled. My cheeks flushed as I laugh "nothing, anyways is that fine with you"

"Yeah sweetheart it's fine" I rolled my eyes, "don't call me sweetheart" I said as I wrote down what we were going to be doing this assignment on. "Awe what's wrong with sweetheart? Huh? What about babe?" He was just teasing me something every teenage boy did if they definitely wanted to get laid or any type of female attention. I rolled my eyes and continued to write. "Oh you're ignoring me now huh?" He laughed, making me in turn giggle a bit.  

-

Once the bell rang I quickly gathered my things "okay so I'll be at your house at, 5:30? Is that alright?" Steve asked as I began to walk towards the door were Michelle stood waiting for me. I nodded not answering verbally as I continued to walk towards Michelle.

"He's coming to your house?" Michelle whispered as we began to walk down the loud hallway. "Yeah how else would we finish our project?" I asked shrugging as we stopped at my locker. I took the lock in my hand and began to put in my code.

2065

"How's you're dad gonna handle it?" Michelle asked as I opened my locker and grabbed my jacket I had stuffed in there earlier. "He's not gonna know" I replied as I shut the locker and put the lock back on. "You're bold as hell y/n. You're dad is literally chief of police." I rolled my eyes, she was saying this as if I haven't spent my whole life with my fathers, I've definitely learned a few tricks to make getting away with things a bit easier.

"Hey shell" Liv said as she walking up to us and grabbing Michelle's hand. "Hey y/n" she said with a smile. Liv had light blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She was also a cheerleader which made her the literal definition of popularity in high school, and she definitely was popular. Michelle pressed a kiss to liv's cheek as she muttered "hey babe" against liv's skin. Living in a small town in the 80s wasn't the best place to be gay. Most people were Christian or just plain old homophobes so they weren't very liked in hawkins community of older folks and parents. Liv was bi so she liked girls and boys while Michelle was a lesbian. I didn't really know what I was, I had only really had crushes on guys well one guy, but I didn't know if that was really all I was attracted to.

"Y/N's gonna hang out with Steve tonight" Michelle said as we walked towards the front of the school. Guys hooted and hollered as Liv walked by she was the 'Steve harrington' to the guys. Popular, well liked, and well everyone wanted her.  "Harrington?" Liv asked her face scrunching up in a confused look. "Yeah harrington isn't that crazy?" Michelle asked. I rolled my eyes "were not hanging out were finishing a project" i said as I pushed open the large metal school door.

I instantly spotted my dad who sat in his police car. My dad always picked me up even when he worked late, he'd leave work for 20 minutes to pick me up so I wouldn't have to walk.

"Bye guys love you!" I said as I began to run towards my dads car. Michelle and Liv both waved goodbye as I began to turn around so I wouldn't get hit by a car. "Hi dad" I said as I opened up the passenger side door and threw my bag onto the floorboard. "Hey kid how was your day?" He asked I shrugged as I got in the car and closed the door. He sighed as he shifted the gears and began to pull out of the parking spot he was parked in. "I'm not getting off till 10:30 tonight, so there's tv dinners in the fridge" dad sighed as he leaned his head back on the head rest. Dad hated working late.

"Don't wait up either" I nodded slightly even though I was definitely going to wait up. I always did even when he said not to. "Nobody over either" I nodded again.

We started down the street toward the cabin trees and houses flying by at how fast he was driving.

When we first moved back to hawkins we moved back into our old house, but quickly after mom, dad, and I moved back they divorced causing my mom to go back up to New York and dad and I to move into a trailer. I guess mom didn't care enough to at least try to take me with her. The trailer just didn't work out so we ended up moving into our cabin which we've been living in for about 3 to 4 years.

Just within a few minutes after he turned down the dirt road that led to our house, we arrived in front of the house. "There's dinner in the fridge,..and lock the doors right when you get inside" I nodded as I grabbed up my bag "I love you y/n I'll call as soon as I get to the station."

I pushed the car door open and slung my backpack over my shoulder as I stepped out. "I love you too dad" i said with a smile as I slammed the door shut. I ran up towards the house my shoes making a clomping noise as I ran up the first few steps up to the porch. I dug the house key out of my pocket and stuck it into the key hole. I twisted the key and pushed the door open before walking into the dark house, I pulled the key out of the door before closing it back and locking the door. I sighed as I heard dads blazer start up again and drive off. I pushed my shoes off of my feet before walking toward my room. I pushed the door open and turned on the light to reveal my twin bed the pink bedding draped over the bed. I dropped my bag onto the floor before falling back onto my bed.

I sighed again as I reluctantly got up from my rather comfortable bed and over towards my desk. I grabbed my backpack by the top loop of the bag and dragging it with me. I sat down and hiked the bag up into my waist, before unzipping the largest compartment, pulling out my math binder, and placing both down on the desk. I zipped my bag up, and placed it back on the ground before opening up my binder and pulling out my math homework.

Right as I closed my binder and pushed it to the side I heard the phone ringing from the kitchen so I quickly got up sprinting to the kitchen. I picked up the phone and held it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey honey just callin' to make sure you're alright" dad said on the other line. I smiled and hummed an "mhm."

"Did you lock the door?" He asked "yep I did" he hummed "good, I've gotta go, I love you."

"I love you too dad" I replied as I hung up the phone.

Somehow ten minutes of me sitting at my desk trying to figure out math problems turned into 30, then into and hour, and then somehow it was 5:30 and Steve harrington was knocking at the front door.

I quickly looked back at the alarm clock that sat at my desk to verify the time. It was 5:25 he was five minutes early. I sighed as I stood up fixing my hair in the mirror that hung about my dresser before sprinting towards the door shouting, "IM COMING!"

I unlocked the 4 locks installed on the door (by my door overprotective father) before opening the door. There stood Steve harrington his hair styled to perfection as he held his backpack in his left hand. I spotted his car parked out next to the large sum of trees. "Hey" he said his lips tipping up into a smile as he leaned against the door frame. "Hi" I said a smile also appeared on my face as my cheeks flushed.

I pushed the door open a bit more with my body as I made room for Steve to walk in. He walked in moving his eyes from side to side examining the house. "Nice place, where are we gonna work?" He asked.

"I..um just my bedroom it's the one opened" I replied as I closed the door and locked it back. Once I turned around he wasn't there anyone. Already in my room. I quickly walked back into my room to see his sat on my bed, his shoes sitting next to my door. "So where should we start?" He asked biting on his lip subconsciously. I shrugged as I sat down in my bed. "Maybe the poster first?" I asked, Steve's lips tipped up into a smirk as his eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips. My cheeks flushed. Then he leaned in pressing his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck playing with the hair at the back of his neck. He pulled away both of us panting a bit. "Do you wa-" I cut him off nodding before pressing my lips back against his.

-

Steve rolled off of me panting, "that was-" he cut himself off with another pant. I turned looking at the alarm clock that sat on my bed side table. It was 8:30 now. I turned back towards Steve who was now laying on his side, his bare body under the comforter. Then the realization hit, wasn't he dating Tammy hughes? Just last week I saw them making out at his locker, they had been dating since the end of last school year. "Wait" I whispered he hummed in response as he wrapped his arm around my waist pulling my bare body closer to him.

"Aren't you dating Tammy?" He chuckled before shaking his head. "M'not dating anyone" I furrowed my eyebrows "but I saw yo-"

"We broke up" he said with a laugh before leaning in for a kiss. He pulled away rather quickly before hiding away in the crook of my neck pressing kisses and sucking at my neck.

I let out small wimpers and moans as he sucked and bit at my neck. My fingers weaved themselves into his hair pulling slightly as he moved down slowly towards my breasts before moving right back up to my lips. He pressed a passion filled kiss to my lips.

Right when I pulled away to catch my breath I heard the phone ringing from the kitchen.

I sighed as I got up quickly grabbing my underwear off of the floor and pulling them on before walking out and picking up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, y/n I'm leaving a bit early so do you want me to bring you anything to eat?" Dad asked.

"Shit" I muttered under my breath. "What was that?"

I felt Steve come up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing kisses to my shoulder blade. "Nothing, nothing. Um I'll just eat what we've got here" i replied. My dad hummed in response "well alright I'll see you in a bit love you."

"Love you too!"

I quickly hung up the phone. "Who was that?" Steve asked as he let go letting me turn towards him. "My dad he's coming home soon you've gotta leave" Steve rolled his eyes a bit before replying with an 'ok."

We both returned to my room getting fully dressed before I walked him to the door. Steve wrapped his arms around my waist pressing a kiss to my lips. "You're so beautiful" he whispered as he peppered kisses on my lips. I giggled as I tried to push him off "you've gotta go my dads gonna be here any minute" I giggled. He sighed "mkay I'll see you tomorrow sweetheart" my cheeks flushed as I pressed one last kiss to Steve's lips. "Yeah tomorrow, now go!" I said pushing him out of the door before locking all the locks so my dad didn't have any reason to be suspicious.

About ten minutes later I heard my dads blazer pull in. I sighed as I stood up over looking my room one last time making sure Steve left nothing. Once I was sure nothing was left I walked out into the living room and fell back onto the old couch sat in front of the tv. I heard each lock unlock before the door opened. Dad sighed as he kicked up his boots and unbuckled his belt. He threw his keys onto the coffee table and draped his work jacket over the couch before sitting down next to me.

"Movie?" He asked and I nodded as a reply.

-

The next day at school I walked in with a jacket on to hide the light purple hickeys lining my shoulders and lower neck. I walked confidently up to where Steve stood with his friends Carol Perkins and Tommy hagan.

"Hey steve!" Steve furrowed his brows as he turned his head from Tommy to me. "Who are you?" I looked at him in confusion there was no way he'd forgotten so quickly. "Wha- y/n we..you came to my house ye-"

"Oh my god!" Carol laughed loudly. Her laugh alone tore out any of the self confidence I had mustered up just to walk up to him. "You hooked up with a freshman?!" Carol laughed. Steve rolled his eyes before scoffing "I don't even fucking know who she is."

That hurt. He tore my heart out and stomped on it right in front of me. Tears welled up in my eyes "who the hell are you I don't know you" Steve said. I quickly walked away blinking back the tears as I heard the roars of laughter emitting from them. "You made her cry oh my god!"

I quickly pushed opened the nearest bathroom door and ran to the first stall. Luckily no one was in there so it let me freely sniffle and cry as loud as I wanted. I wiped at my cheeks as I sat my bag down on the ground and sat down on the toilet seat. How could he do this to me? After all he said to me yesterday.

How did I even trust him?! He won, he had won. He got another naive girl to fall for his underhanded tricks. He got another girl to hand over their heart to him so he could destroy it. He humiliated me.

Once I heard the late bell ring I unlocked the stall door and walked out. I wiped my tears as I walked out of the bathroom and down towards the first entrance I saw. I pushed open the large metal doors and walked over to the payphones that sat outside of the school. The door slammed shut as I took one of my backpack straps off pushing the front of the bag towards the front of me. I unzipped the smaller pouch as took out a quarter. I took the phone off of its hook and pushed the quarter into the coin slot.

I punched in the number I’ve learned to memorize by heart from the ripe age of 12 years old. After a few rings the secretary at hawkins police, Flo answered. “Hawkins police this is flo how may I help you?”

“Hey flo” I sniffled as I wiped at my nose “can I speak to my dad?” She hummed “of course sweetheart I’ll send you over.” I could tell she had her signature comforting flo smile gracing her lips even though I couldn’t see it.

After a few seconds my dad picked up the phone. “Hello? Y/n why aren’t you in class?” Dad asked as soon as he picked up. “C-can you pick me up?” I stuttered out as I wiped my eyes. “Wha- y/n what’s..what’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Nothing alright just please come get me” I said tears threatening to spill over and down my cheeks. He sighed “oh..alright fine I’ll be there in 3 minutes” then he hung up. I sighed as I placed the phone back on the hook and sat down on the curb wiping my eyes. Why did I let Steve harrington of all men upset me. He was just a 16 year old boy who would probably have an std in the future if he kept to his reputation.

I wiped at the tears falling down my cheeks as I saw my dad pull up.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as he rolled down the window closest to me. I wiped the last remaining tear before saying “I’m fine, nothing happened” as I stood up getting into the car. “There’s obviously something wrong. Did someone say something?” He asked as he laid his hands ontop of my knee. I shrugged my usual response for questions like this which meant ‘yeah, someone did.’

“Who? I swear I’ll beat the ever loving shit out of them”

“Steve harrington” I whispered. It almost looks as steam was coming out of his ears he was so pissed. “Mother fuck me” he whispered under his breath as he pushed open his car door and stepped out. “Wait! No don’t say anything dad”

He shook his head as he said “I’ll take care of it don’t worry stay in the car.”

The next day steve harrington walked in sporting a brand new shiner on his left eye, and my dad was banned from the school for two months.

Taglist

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[laceyeb]

We are 6 school days into 8th grade English and here are the highlights:

- I taught these kids as 7th graders last year, so I already know them all. Super easy start to the school year.

- I’m approximately 417% more productive with a 2nd period prep compared to the 5th period prep (right after lunch) that I had last year.

- We have a lot of new teachers (as always) and they’re all pretty pleasant to be around. (This was not the case last year.) I’ve talked one of them into joining me in the group I’m in where we talk about supporting LGBTQ kids in schools. Though I didn’t have to talk her into it. She’s very excited!

- Teaching English for the first time has gone well so far. I absolutely do not have enough time in the day to accomplish everything I want/need to do, but we’re getting there.

- I gave my students a writing assignment so I could get a baseline. I told them to write about literally anything they wanted. As long as they could write enough to show me what kind of writer they are, they could write about it. Some examples include: a paragraph about why 1 is the best number, a paragraph about squirrels, a story about Taylor Swift being in love with Abraham Lincoln, a kid writing about how he realized he was gay, and a kid who wrote that his 1st period science class is the worst because “I’m hella tired bro.” It took me 27 years to read all their assignments, but it was a good time.

- I got a plant for my classroom and a girl picked one of the leaves off today and this was the conversation that resulted:

Me: “If you pluck leaves off my plant, I’m going to pluck a hair off your head.”

Other student: “Why are you going to pull out her hair?”

Me: “She plucked my plant!”

Another student: “She did WHAT to your plant?!”

[c4ndyf4gg0t]

I've been struggling for a long time. It's too late to help me, for me to get the mental health help I need. I've needed it for years but I've waited too long, I'm out of time. I grew up kinda similar to Leelah Alcorn, with conservative homophobic parents while being a gay kid, eventually trans. I knew since I was 4 that I was meant to be a boy, I just didn't know exact words for it. (I got in trouble once for telling friends at preschool to stand up and pee, like boys do)

Ten years later I realized there was a word for it, that I was trans. Ever since I was 8, I knew I liked girls. I had a crush by the time I was 10 on one of my best friends. I had made her a bracelet with word charms, together the charms said "I love you, Shine". Her name was Cheyenne, but "Shine" was my nickname for her, as I grew up in Tennessee and ended up with a southern accent. I left the bracelet on the desk she was next to and walked out of the classroom, just to find out some bullies had found it and wouldn't let it go, since the girl had stopped being my friend before that and I wanted to at least let her know I had feelings for her. That was my first time being rejected.

A couple years later in 7th grade at age 12, I came out to a group of friends I had. The majority were fine with me being gay but a few of them hated me for it, and ultimately the friendships ended that year.

When my mom found the notebook where the friends and I wrote notes to each other and I had come out, she came into my room and yelled at me that "it's not Eve and Eve, it's Adam and Eve". So I learned never to come out to her, to stay closeted.

A year later I started Xtian private school and never actually had friends bc they were the popular girls or the homophobic ones.

The next year I got kicked out of school my freshman year for posting on facebook that I was bisexual. All the other kids could post pictures on fb in short shorts or comment on each other's posts and call each other gay, with no consequences.

But the second someone actually turned out to not be straight, suddenly they're not allowed to go to the school anymore.

The principal called me to the office and asked me if I knew why I was in there. I said no. He told me someone who was facebook friends with me, their parent had gotten onto their account and had seen that I wasn't straight, and made it a point to call him late the night before school to tell him.

I was accused of lying bc I didn't know the password to my facebook since my mom had changed it without telling me. The person whose laptop I used, his wife ended up being my English / homeroom teacher my senior year, so I was always suspicious of if she knew what happened when I was 14.

I was told to write a letter to the principal, the school, and the pastor to apologize for "ruining their reputation". I actually ended up just bullshitting the apology letter, writing it without meaning a word, although by that point I didn't care anymore.

I went back the next school day, a Monday, and gave the letter to the principal. He read it, and suspended me until later. I don't remember how many days.

I was suspended the rest of the year. People from the church somehow spread it around that I was kicked out of school for being bisexual, and the ones with kids acted as if I had AIDS and had forbidden their kids from talking to me.

My parents told me they and I had to meet with the church's assistant pastor after that night's service.

We met with him and he accused me of having sex with men and women (grown adults) as a child, and told me I was going to hell, an abomination against God.

My parents rarely let me get online so I didn't have much contact with anyone outside of my immediate family. My stepdad would stand behind me while I was online, reading anything and everything I was looking at, including when I first got onto Tumblr, when I tried looking up trans people bc I knew I was trans. He told my mom I was looking up "nasty" things.

Eventually being homeschooled, I realized I was transgender and went by Toni and then Shawn. I wasn't sure how I chose the name but it seemed to fit me.

The next year I went back to school and met 2 people who were my best friends only bc I would've had no one. They were homophobic and transphobic. Even mocked Day of Silence after I explained it to them.

There was a guy 2 years older than me who turned out to be gay, as well as a girl 1 year younger than me and another guy 2 years younger than me, both extremely homophobic in school towards me, who eventually came out as gay themselves.

The high school only had 1 hallway, with 1 teacher per grade and the kids would switch classes.

During class change, I had to hear 3 guys who knew why I was suspended walk past me and call me homophobic slurs every day. I knew it was towards me bc no one else was outwardly gay, as if I even had a choice. I couldn't tell a teacher what was going on or I would've been suspended from school again just for trying to get help with being called slurs and being treated like I was less than human.

I eventually graduated from the school. Once I graduated, I posted on facebook and came out as transgender. Someone on there saw and outed me to my sister who outed me to my mom. Later on, my mom yelled at me and asked me why I wanted to be an ugly man.

In 2015, I met and dated a guy who would later sexually assault me and 2 years later r word me. Had I stayed with him, I would've been r worded often as he didn't think consent was important. I realized in June 2022 that he had r worded me, but that was 5 years after he did it.

I have a girlfriend right now and I'm struggling to make it through every day bc I just can't deal with every single day. I blame my parents and my siblings. I blame them and I don't care if they deny it. I know that suicide might be my choice but I am not the only guilty one, the only one at fault for what led up to it. I hate staying alive with everything I have to deal with. I shouldn't even be fronting but I don't know what to do.

I know 2017 is my fault and I know I should've been gone when I was 16. I guess this is just me making up for it now.

[dykish-autist]

Every now and then I think about how as a Ninth Grader I completely summed up my history teacher's lesson plan for the Entire Day and completely broke his spirit in less than two minutes.

Dear reader, I don't know How this came to pass but for whatever reason I learned So Much About the Holocaust in middle school. Not to say that kids shouldn't be taught about it, it's important to hold back the horrific conspiracy theories that try to claim it Never Happened in spite of the extensive records kept by the Nazis Themselves-- I'm getting off track, this post isn't about that.

But when I told you I had been Thoroughly Taught about the Holocaust, I mean that by the time I was in my first semester of high school, and my English teacher told us to come up with brief research questions in preparation for reading Eli Weisel's "Night", I was Out Of Questions I hadn't already gotten answered. I sat there with a blank piece of paper for about 5 minutes, before eventually landing on "why the jews, specifically?"

I knew that other minority groups had been persecuted under Nazi rule, from the Romani people to the disabled to queer people to eventually Pretty Much Any Religion, because that's what Fascism Does (Thanks, 7th grade world history), but in the majority of the propaganda I'd seen, The Jews were marketed as The Threat. The big thing dragging Germany down. So I set about my research, as we had Two Full Class Periods to put this project together.

The answer I got to with some surface level googling boiled down to things I'd already heard, but wasn't satisfied with. That Hitler never got into Art School. That he might've had a Jewish grandmother he disliked. None of it answered why the group he scapegoated Had to be the jews, and I had 10 slides to fill, so I had to dig deeper.

I eventually laid out a rough timeline, beginning with Judaism's black sheep status as the first monotheistic religion in its region, to slavery in Egypt, to the Christkiller conspiracy, to the fact that insular jewish communities, particularly with their cleanliness practices in personal hygiene, food preparation, and funerary practices, were not as affected by the devastation of the Black Plague (thanks again, 7th grade world his), to the signing of the Treaty of Versailles at the end of the first world war, the german politicians who did so Happening to be Jewish, and the economic impact of the war reparations, which comfortably filled out my presentation as I capped it off with the scapegoating required to soft pitch fascism. I got my A and then moved on to actual English work for the rest of the semester without incident.

Fast forward to my second semester of my 9th grade year. My American History teacher was a real wad. Not as a teacher or anything, he wasn't too harsh a grader, very dedicated in making sure you got down the notes, but he had the habit of coming in after the fact to make sure his own opinion on the matter was very well known. He was also the kind of teacher that would ask the question he intended to answer and be real smug as he corrected your "wrong" answer. For example, when he taught us about The Great Depression, the kids in my class, when asked, ended up placing blame with the economic policies of Herbert Hoover. He went out of his way to defend Hoover, claiming "he simply believed too much in the free market" and going on to detail the specific economic practices that contributed to the crash. None of my class liked him.

So one fine April Morning, right as we were set to start talking about World War II, he asked us a question. "Why the Jews?" I felt like I'd been given the tools to finally humble this man. I let some of my classmates answer first, giving him the surface level answers I'd found a few months ago. Art school. Grandmother. One kid who'd been paying attention even brought up the Treaty of Versailles. My teacher's smug smile only grew wider, "Well, yes, but there's more to it than that..." As if there was nothing that brought him glee like correcting Children who hadn't yet been taught. He waited for us to run out of answers. He always did. I raised my hand.

"There's actually a longstanding history of antisemitism, basically as old as the religion itself, so Hitler scapegoated the Jews to get the gentile majority on board with his authoritarian policies."

His face fell. I think the man actually Deflated a little. He put away the projector screen, revealing he'd drawn an extended version of the timeline I'd laid out in my powerpoint a few months ago on the whiteboard.

"Well, I guess you can go home. For the rest of you..."

I don't think he ever emotionally recovered.

[astormyjet]

Winter of 2018 - Summer of 2021 TIME FILES WHEN YOU’RE IN YOUR 20s!!!!

OH BOY. It’s been three years (or more) since I updated this. “Time is a weird soup!” to quote a fave. I guess I quit tumblr around the time there was a purge of content and creators and a smack down on a lot of the fandom communities. Tumblr has always been something of a crapshow though so I’ve been more productive with my time than I was in some ways, but I’ve also found other ways to waste my time. *cough twitter/netflix/youtube/MTGArena cough*.

General Life Achievements since 2018 -JLPT N3 GET in 2019! -Blackbelt GET in 2018! -TESOL 120 Hour and BE 50 Hour Cert from online provider GET in 2021 -STUDENT LOAN BANISHED (Thank you grandparents) -Survived Apartment flooding in early 2020. -Mystery anxiety related illness and chronic pain in my left leg from early 2020 - Present. -A mythical 6th and 7th year on the JET Programme. -Started posting on Instagram a lot more about my wanderings around Matsuyama/Uwajima. Mainly old buildings and stray cats. @astormyknight -Surviving so far in Japan with old rona-chan.

2018 was rough. I was given an additional school in the first semester (March to July) as we had someone find a better job. I enjoyed it, but it was a bit of a rough go especially when I was transferred that August after three fantastic years at Tsubaki JHS and ES and only a semester there. I legit went through the five stages of grief - which I think is another reason I stopped blogging. I was given my current base school along with four other schools. Going from 2(3) to 5 schools was a bit of an adjustment. I still feel a bit spread out.

That said, I keep running into teachers and students who were at the Tsubaki’s. The teachers shuffle around every April, so it's always a lottery with which new faces are going to be old friends (or enemies…). A couple of kids moved and transferred into my current schools from Tsubaki too. So I have one kid I can say I've been teaching for 6 out of the 7 years I've been here!

One of the kids who was in JHS 3rd grade when I first got here (in 2015!) hangs out around one of my favorite cafes, so I got chatting with him recently. He's in his second year of nursing school - his class nearly broke me in the first year, it was really a trial by fire with those kids. I was 22 then, and he’s 20 now, so it was interesting chatting to him about that first year of teaching. His younger sister was one of my favorite students too, she was in the group of kids that graduated in the March of 2018, the year group that went through Tsubaki JHS with me - they’re newly minted University students now!

This Thursday morning when I was cycling in to work, a kid who was 2nd year JHS when I left  (so 2nd or 3rd year JHS now) pulled up with their Mum in a van and got their mamachari out of the back to bike to school. The franticness of it all was hilarious. Their Mum legit sat on the horn until I pulled over. I was so happy to run into this kid, even at social distance and both of us late to work/school - because we both remembered each other and as they were going around the corners they were yelling each time they turned and humming the old elementary school directions chant and pelting me with questions about what I’ve been up to.

I've had so many students and schools now, that everything is kind of running into a blur. I remember flashes of kids faces and voices, random memories of in class or out of class shenanigans out of the blue. Also, I now, more than ever, have issues remembering kids' names, but I still know their faces (even with their masks), whose homeroom class they were in, who their friends were and which club they were in. I get random flashbacks to past conversations with them when I see them on the street or we run into each other. I feel bad because the first thing former students ask is ‘Do you remember my name?’ and I always have to be like, ‘Honestly, no, but I remember you did this on x day, x month in x classroom’.

Socially in 2018 -2019 - a few of our friends went home and things shook up a little. Our DnD group changed a bit - one of our players stepped into the role forever DM (THANK YOU RALPH). From memory the newbies were great - some of them just went home at the start of last month and it’s weird not seeing them around (JESS DO YOUR BEST!). I think we only have one or two people left from that rotation. There’s no 6th year ALTs, and only two 5th years.

Aug 2018 - Aug 2019 was the year of Hiura - my mountain school. Dang man, they were so cool. The students of the JHS and the ES combined barely hit 30, so each class was between 3-10 students depending on the grade. It was easier to get to know the kids, their abilities and their goals than it has been for me at other schools. I miss it so bad, being in nature once a week did my country-kid heart so good! The bugs! The frogs! The river! The mountain! The monkeys! The lizards! The dilapidated houses and hidden shrines!!!! The random crabs in the English room...I forgot that there was such a thing as freshwater crabs, and being right next to a river, the invasion wasn’t as out of place as I first thought...  

The area is so picturesque and calming. Every week up there was a small adventure (after getting over my motion sickness from the bus ride up). The kids were constantly pranking either myself or the main English teacher. There was always some new weird bug or lizard in a tank to be educated about. There were chickens on the way to the JHS that used to escape from their cardboard box prisons to run riot on the gardens. There were old people to freak out with my youth and foreignness! The kids also got to do a lot of extra classes, sumiyakai (making charcoal the traditional way), planting and maintaining rice paddies, setting up vegetable gardens, raising fireflies, conserving a special breed of fire lily (only found in this particular mountain valley) and another rare flower, wilderness training ect.

I wish I could have stayed there a lot longer but SOMEONE (read...the BoE) decided that schools had to be shuffled again(thank goodness the dude who has it now was able to keep it from the 2021 shuffle, he's the best fit for the school). I had so many good memories from there, I wish I had been more consistent in writing it down. I do have a bunch of photos and videos from there though, so that's nice. The only thing I don’t miss is the bus trip up and down - not only was it motion sickness, there was a healthy dose of fear each ride as the driver brought us perilously close to the edge of the mountain drop…

2019 - 2020 was interesting. With the school I got given instead of the Hirua’s I was roped into more demonstration lessons which was a lot of pressure because I was also involved quite heavily with the JHS observation and training lessons too. They were somewhat rewarding, the third graders are now super smart 5th graders, but the teachers  who need to embrace the new curriculum and ways of teaching really haven’t taken on anything from the lessons....

Outside of work as well, I was given the chance, thanks to an ALT buddy of mine, to join in with the local festival. It's been one of the biggest highlights of my time here, and I am gutted it’s been cancelled for the last two years, but I understand the reason…. I was able to travel to Okinawa too during that summer for an international Karate seminar with the Dojo I train with. I met the head of the style I currently practice and a bunch of people from around the world. I also got to see Shuri castle before it burned down. So that was a stroke of luck. One of the places I want to go when/if we get out of this pandemic is Okinawa. I want to see more of those Islands so bad. Just before the whole pandemic thing too - I managed to see the Rugby World Cup, a Canada vs NZ match, I even ran into Tana Umanga in Oita city!!!

2019 - 2020 was supposed to be my last year on JET, so I was frantically Job hunting. I went to the Career Fair in Osaka in early Feb/Late January 2020. I applied and got interviewed for a position in Sendai in early Jan 2020. In the end though - the Rona hit. We started hearing whispers of it around the end of 2019, then the cruise boats happened, and then Japan refused to cancel the Olympics...every holiday season there is a new wave of infections, my nurse friends in Tokyo are struggling....my teacher friends in more populous areas of Japan are struggling…

JET couldn't get new ALTs for 2020-2021, I took the extra year when it was eventually offered, as the one job I had managed to get a serious offer for was hesitating because with the rona setting in, things were uncertain. There was a lot of time spent adjusting to the new rules surrounding what we could do in class with the kids as well as textbook change. Schools shut on and off during the spring months. 

I also got a reminder of my mortality mid May with an unrelated illness which is still smacking me around a bit - stress/age, it does things to the human body it has no right to. It's only been in the last three months I’ve been able to exercise like I used to, I’ve put on a bunch of weight I can't shrug off (one part medication, another part diet) My relationship with food needs to change, and I really need a kitchen that allows me for more than one pan meals. I also need to figure out what to do with a left leg that is in constant pain from the knee down and a heart that misses beats when stressed out (mentally and physically…). 

My apartment also got flooded by the guy upstairs at one point, I spent most of late February/early March living in a hotel while my walls and floor got redone - I think this was one of the things that really stressed me out and kicked my anxiety right up a notch, it was right when things were getting REALLY bad with rona-chan in Hokkaido and schools were shutting down here as it was filtering into the prefecture and so Japan closed schools for the first time…

Classes in covid times have been weird. We’ve been wearing facemasks full time since the early stages of the pandemic (March 2020) - so I admit that I get a bit pissed off seeing both Americans and New Zealanders back home bitching about just having to start wearing them full time in public. I have asthma and have been suffering with the things on during the 30*C plus with high 90s humidity summers. Teachers were offered vaccines late July 2021, just days before the Olympics were open - and I finished my two shots in the middle of August. But the overall distribution and take up of the jab has been slow.  As mentioned above, we can't play a lot of the games we used to play with kids in classes anymore, and a lot of the activities outlined in the textbook curriculum need to be adjusted too, so we’ve had to be creative. We use hand sanitizer a lot more too. One of the things I miss the most though, is eating lunch with the kids.

Socially from summer 2020 - now 2021 we played a lot of DnD and board games, both online and in person when we could. There were no new ALTs again for the 2021-2022 JET year, and those of us who were in 6th year were offered a 7th. Four out of six of us took it. As a whole we’re down from a peak of 38 ALTs for Junior High and Elementary school to 22 for now. We hopefully will get a new person at the end of September, and 4 more in November. Which will bring us to 27. This has led to ANOTHER round of school shuffles.

Summer vacation has been weird the last two years. With rona-chan, we haven’t really been able to travel. All the summer festivals (all the Autumn and Winter ones too!) have been cancelled, so the changing of seasons just feels, wrong. I dunno. There is so much we all miss from pre-rona-chan, and so much that doesn’t happen that makes this just feel like one long long unending year of sadness, coldness, raininess, unbearable heat and repeat. I’m tired. Time is going so fast, but so.dang.slow.

I lost my favorite school (AGAIN GDI!!!) and gained the school I taught a semester at in 2019....I had my first day there on Wednesday. Schools actually started back on September 1st so there was some drama as the BoE didn’t communicate fast enough about our school changes. We legit got told on the 27th of August (on a Friday) our schools were changing effective September 1st, but somehow some of our schools found out on the Monday 30th August. In July we were told we would be changing schools at the end of September, so.a lot of ALTs and schools were left short changed, not having opportunities to say goodbye to co-workers or students/having their planning for the semester more or less thrown out the window too. I love my job. I really dislike the way the BoE treats us, the Japanese assistant language teachers and our schools.

The new school I have is used to having an ALT there twice a week, who plans all the lessons and executes them. I’m at three elementary schools. I'm only at each once a week, I want to plan, but being that I miss an entire lesson in between visits, it's going to be difficult to do so. Not impossible, but being that I'm already doing it for two other schools, who are at two different places in the textbook ah…….. From what I have talked to my new supervisor about though, it sounds like the teachers have taken on more of the lesson planning and I'll be able to contribute ideas when I'm there. I just want to and wish I could do more without being confused all the time. (This is all usually done in my second language too, not in English so extra levels of confusion and miscommunication abound).

 I feel like this at my JHS too a lot of the time. I want to contribute more, but even with constant communication with my main in school supervisor (who is a badass and pretty much on the same page about everything with me) I still feel about as useful as tits on a bull. Especially now that classes have been cancelled and or shortened, there's less time to do stuff. Any game or activity I plan is usually cut in favor of making up time in the textbook. When I'm in class, I'm back to being a tape recorder, the fun police and general nuisance.　

Also in the last week...my two of my schools were  shut due to students testing positive for the rona. This is the second time my schools have had a scare in the last 8 months. And by shut, I mean the students were all at home, but the teachers  all had to come into the office. Because why not I guess….. I mean,  the cases increasing is really not unexpected with the amount of people who were travelling over obon and the increase of cases due to the Olympics/Japan being slow on vaccinating/delta being the dominant strain/Japan's leaders doing relatively little except asking shops and restaurants to limit people coming in at one time and closing before 8pm. I know my schools weren't the only one shut either - but still High Schools were having their sports days this week. I kept on seeing groups of kids hanging in the park after, so that was a little bit nerve wracking.

It's just frustrating - we’ve been on half days to “minimize the risk of infection” for kids and teachers, as if only being at school from 8am through to 1pm is going to reduce the risk.  My schools have only just started testing out Microsoft teams and Zoom lesson equipment. Thankfully our school’s run in this time was contained real quick, the family was super good about informing us when they got their results back, and the fact they needed to be tested. The homeroom teacher and the students from the same class were the only ones tested, and they all came back clear, which was nice. But the information came back so SLOW. 

I’m a little irritated because I found out on Wednesday night what was going on, and even if I am vaccinated, I am super worried that I will end up being the covid monkey due to being at different schools three days out of five. I think other than being worried that I will catch it myself and get real sick, my biggest fear is that I will be protected from bad symptoms from the vaccine, but still be able to pass it onto some of my more vulnerable friends and students. The whole thing is a mess.  

Other than Covid and BoE drama, life is good. I’ve had a couple of other big changes - both fantastic and not so great, but yeah.  I have my health (and health insurance!) for now. I have a job, for now. I have a sense of existential dread for the next 12 months, but we’ll see where we end up. Life post JET is going to be way less cushy and I am TERRIFIED. I mean, I have a BA in Eng/Ling and no idea what to do with it…..because I am NOT suited for academia.

TLDR: Love my job. Don’t like the system. What is life? Future scary. 

[kitsutaes]

pluto protector

pairing: taehyung x reader

genre: fluff, coming of age-ish, bffs2lovers!, astrophysicist!reader, & artist!taehyung

word count: 2.6k

rating: pg-13 i guess

warnings: none

a/n: this is inspired by rex orange county’s song pluto projector, a song i love so so much. also this fic is split up into small parts & it focuses more on tae’s and reader’s small but important moments together !! i hope you like it even though it isn’t too heavily edited. p.s. thank you teresa / @sketchguk for looking this over !! you da best !!

summary: you and taehyung have been in the same galaxy, orbiting one another for as long as you could remember. but as time passes, gravity pulls you in closer and closer, ready for the two of you to collide.

Kim Taehyung was your protector. Just at the age of nine, Kim Taehyung held your hand as the two of you ran around the playground, feet hitting the wood chips that spewed around. His disheveled chocolate brown hair bounced around as he ran, eyes bright as he turned around to look at you. He had a goofy smile plastered on his face, exuberant as any nine year old at the park with his best friend should be.

“___! Let’s go on the swirly slide!” Taehyung yells, pointing at the bright red slide ahead. The playground near your neighborhood was huge since it was already part of an already massive park. While the park had its own variety of plants and wildlife, the playground consisted of slides, swings, monkey bars, and corkscrew climbers that allowed you to climb up and slide down like you were going down a fireman’s pole; only round and round instead of sliding straight down.

“Okay, but only if we go on the monkey bars next Tae!” You respond, swinging your arm that held his hand. Your eyes matched his, bright and bubbly. Taehyung nodded as the two of you climbed the blue steps that led to the big red swirly slide.

“You first or me?” Taehyung asks, letting go of you hand to grasp the yellow metal bars on the sides of the red slide. You roll your eyes, seeing his mischievous grin, basically telling you he was he was ready to go first.

“You.”

Sticking out your tongue at him, Taehyung takes off, gravity pulling him down until his sneakers hit the ground. He turns around, motioning for you to slide down.

“C’mon ___!” Taehyung calls from below. His arms are crossed as he waits for you to come down. You nod, your own hands gripping the metal bars Taehyung previously held onto as you’re seated on the bright red plastic. Letting go, you slide down, feeling parts of your hair stick up to the underside of the slide.

Taehyung’s eyes widen as he knows what’s coming next. You’re up and off of the slide, ready to chase him and zap him with your finger charged with static.

“___! Come and get me!” Taehyung giggles running off to the opposite side of the playground to avoid getting shocked. You’re right behind him, but you trip on your own foot, falling onto the wood chips.

Instead of a smile, you’ve got a pout on your face. Eyes turning red, brimming with tears, ready to cry. Taehyung’s looking back at you with a worried expression, heels turning around as he’s running back towards you.

“Tae!” You cry as his arms are helping you up, feet standing upright once again. His hands are gripping onto yours, leading you back to where your parents were.

“It’s okay ___, I’ve got you.”

At the age of twelve, Kim Taehyung was still your protector. Although you ended up with different teachers and classes, the two of you didn’t drift apart like most friends did as they entered middle school. Most kids ended up finding new friends, groups, cliques–forgetting and leaving the friendships they made when they were just a few years younger. But, you and Taehyung weren’t like most kids. The two of you stayed together in gravity’s grasp, never leaving the solar system you shared.

Just like always, after school, Taehyung came over to do homework with you since you shared the same subjects. His green backpack would be plopped onto your carpeted floor right beside yours, colored pencils and papers almost spilling out of them.

“You had to read The Monkey’s Paw too?” You ask turning around in your seat, nose scrunching at the thought of the story Mrs. Tang read to your class today that gave you the chills. It was a story written by W.W. Jacobs that just had to be a part of your English class’s “Poetry and Short Stories” unit and you couldn’t wait for it to be over.

Taehyung was seated on your bed while you were seated at your desk. Taehyung looks up from his math homework, nodding at you. 

“Yeah, I kinda liked it.” He says, giving you a small shrug as you shudder.

“It was creepy!”

Taehyung laughs at your expression, your face showing that you were totally repulsed that he slightly enjoyed the supernatural short story that was required to be read in every 7th grade class.

“Just a little bit,” he responds as he looks down at his homework, “I bet you’re enjoying science right now though.”

Taehyung was 100% correct, you were loving science this week. This week’s unit was about space and that was something you held close to your heart. There was just something about the universe, galaxies, protostars, and planets that intrigued you to no limit. You wanted to be like Neil deGrasse Tyson and Carl Sagan, exploring the vast universe full of the unknown. Just last year it was announced that Pluto would no longer be considered a planet and just that, broke your heart to pieces; Taehyung was there to witness it. Your love for the little planet was undying, feeling as if it deserved much more appreciation just like Neptune and Jupiter. In your eyes, Pluto was something special.

“Yes, oh my gosh! We get to make a presentation of a planet of our choice, and I’m still picking Pluto. I don’t care what Mr. Peterson says.” You scoff, a determined look gracing your face as you turn back around in your seat.

In that very moment, in Taehyung’s eyes, you were something special.

Graduation had finally fallen upon you. After days of graduation practice, you were finally here; sitting in the risers, that was placed on the fifty-yard line of the football field, clothed in your graduation gown that possessed one of your school’s colors. The night had overtaken the sunny skies, leaving you and your fellow classmates and friends underneath the shining stars as well as the bright stadium lights your school used for all sorts of events.

Your parents were in the stands, most likely with Taehyung’s family, along with other parents and family members of graduating high school seniors with their phones and cameras taking pictures to capture this once in a lifetime moment.

You didn’t graduate a valedictorian or salutatorian, but at least you made it until the end. It may pain some to hear it but grades aren’t everything. Despite getting kids into higher level colleges, grades don’t and can’t define a person, you learned that the hard way. High school’s about learning about yourself and the people you surround yourself with. Are they real friends? Do they talk about you behind your back? To you, it’s about exploration, finding the people who fit you well and help you shine brighter like the stars, and hopefully avoiding space debris that just get in the way.

Taehyung’s seated a few rows above you with only a few people separating the two of you, meaning you’re still able to make faces at each other, winking and scrunching your noses while the ceremony proceeds.

He looks great, handsome even. Dark locks trimmed just for this special event, since his mom made him. His bright eyes are shining even brighter with the reflection of the stadium lights as you peer up to look at him. 

Seeing him like this, you realize how grown up he looks. Despite only being eighteen, the Kim Taehyung sitting a few seats away from you definitely does not look like the Kim Taehyung you met in 3rd grade. That Taehyung you met years ago is still somewhat the same as the Taehyung now, but just older, more mature–not mature, but more. It makes you realize how time flies, because it literally just seemed like yesterday where Taehyung first moved in a couple houses down from yours. Your neighborhood was full of elderly people, so when you found out a kid your age had just moved into town, you were ecstatic. Ecstatic to the point where you bugged your mother to take you to meet your new neighbors.

You smile to yourself as you look away, eyes reaching the stars that you were always fond of. 

This was a moment you hoped you would remember forever.

“I felt like gouging my eyes out.”

Taehyung’s eyes roll at your complaint. You just came out of your physics class with Mr. Garcia’s lecture picking at your brains during the entire hour and a half. You and Jungkook (the only person you knew in that class) walked out looking as if your souls had left your body; even though that was exactly what happened. The two of you part ways with a tired wave as he had another class to attend. 

Taehyung had been waiting for you since his class finished a few minutes before yours. He was nose deep into a book when you find him sitting on a bench just outside your building. His bright blue hair made him easy to spot anywhere. He made you dye his hair before the semester started, insisting on trying a brand new look.

Before the two of you graduated high school, you’d done college applications. You’d gotten into one of your dream colleges, opening the acceptance letter in front of Taehyung and your parents. Taehyung on the other hand, didn’t tell you what college he got into until after the graduation ceremony. It led to you punching his arm while exuding tears of happiness. Now, at the age of 21, you’re spending your time attending classes, studying for exams, while downing cups of coffee during breaks with your best friend.

“Seriously ___, your fault for wanting to be an astrophysics major.” Taehyung scoffs, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as the two of you head off to one of the coffee shops you and Taehyung frequent the most. Fortunately it was close, just a couple blocks away.

Smacking his arm away, you frown. “You say that every single time.”

“I’m just stating facts.” Taehyung shrugs, wrapping an arm around you again, and this time you don’t fight it.

Your own arm wraps around his waist, gripping onto a part of his coat. Taehyung, even though you didn’t want to admit it to anyone else but yourself, made you feel safe. Whenever he’d scoop you up into his arms for a hug, or just had his arm around you as you two walked down the street, it made you feel loved. Knowing that someone cares in this world full of fortunate and unfortunate events, is one of the greatest feelings in this world. 

“I wish I was still in astrology 101 or 102, learning about the stars, black holes, and the Milky Way,” You say, grinning cheekily at the man beside you. “—not the chocolate.”

“I literally wasn’t even going to say that.”

“Liar.” You snort, nudging his side with your elbow. The two of you have reached your destination, ready for caffeine that you’re desperate for. Taehyung’s arm has left your shoulder, a certain warmth departing with him, as he opens the door for you like the gentleman he’s always been.

“What do you want?” He asks as you both reach the cashier and glass display case showing an ever so wonderful variety of pastries to eat with an already amazing cup of coffee.

Peering through the glass you see some newly added goods, alongside the usual but you already have your order in mind.

“I’ll have a macchiato and some madeleines please,” You say to the woman manning the cashier with a soft smile, while taking out your wallet from the small pocket of your backpack. Taehyung’s hand stops you, handing his own credit card to the lady who grins cheekily at the two of you. She was around maybe thirty years old.

“Tae—”

“And I’ll have a hot chocolate please.” Taehyung’s lips are pursed, nodding his head as she repeats your order.

“You guys are a really cute couple by the way,” She smiles, handing Taehyung back his card along with the receipt while you’re left standing there staring at him with wide eyes as he thanks her for the compliment.

At the age of 24, you’d think you would have plenty of things figured out. You don’t.

But at this age, you’ve learned that things really aren’t constant in the world, and that everything’s prone to change. Although somehow, there’s one thing in your life that hasn’t really changed.

“Tae, where are we going?” You whine, head leaning on the car window. Taehyung had just picked you up from work, a long day of work, and all you wanted to do was go home.

You and Taehyung had been dating for awhile now, after he admitted his long time feelings for you when he took you to his studio and painted you your favorite planet in the Milky Way. His feelings for you were returned, having loved him ever since you were kids as well. Now, he spends most of his time at your apartment as if you two shared it; not like he didn’t do that before already. 

“___, you’ve asked me that 5 times already and I told you that it’s a secret.” He says, turning his head towards you for a moment before looking back on the road. You don’t see it, but he’s sporting a small smile on his face. Taehyung’s been waiting to show you this secret of his for quite some time.

Your head isn’t leaning on the window anymore as you recognize where you’re headed to. “Wait, we’re going to your studio?” The road to Taehyung’s art studio is one that isn’t too familiar but isn’t unknown as well.

After a few more minutes of driving and parallel parking (which actually doesn’t take Taehyung long to do it) you’re already standing in his studio, gazing at his works of art.

“Tae, these are incredible.”

While you’re gaping at his paintings, Taehyung’s laughing at your reaction to his creations. This is the first time in a long time you’ve visited his studio, and the first time in a long time that he’s shared his pieces with you. While you’re studying about outer space and the secrets of the universe, Taehyung’s in his studio painting his heart out whenever he wasn’t busy.

Whenever he was in the mood to paint, he’d enter this zone, totally blocking out anything and everything, letting his passion for the arts take over. Sometimes when he’d pick you up to have a cup of coffee or when he’d come over to have dinner at your apartment, he’d have paint marks all over his hands and occasionally his face. 

Like you with your science idols, Taehyung admired plenty of incredible artists who worked with various mediums like, Claude Monet, Keith Haring, and especially Vincent Van Gogh. Taehyung had this affinity for Van Gogh’s artworks that even he couldn’t fully explain why he loved them so much.

“Wait until you see this,” Taehyung says, reaching towards one of the canvases he had stacked and leaning on the side of his wall.

You’re so immersed into some of his other paintings you don’t realize he’s right beside you, ready to reveal one of his latest pieces. Taehyung loved to experiment with different mediums, always trying to find his niche. You noticed even though he painted a variety of things, he loved to paint scenery. You could feel yourself getting absorbed into his creations full of lush greens and calming sunsets, fluffy clouds, and sometimes quite the opposite.

“___,” Taehyung nudges you, poking your cheek to get your attention and it definitely works. You’re turning your head, eyes catching a painting of Pluto that looks exactly like the real deal, as if you’re seeing the planet with your own eyes.

“I love you ___. As much as you love this little planet and as many light years it would take to reach other universes out there.”

[zoppzoop]

3 and 27:))

Hello ma'am! Ily and imy!!!! I hope you're doing good!!

03: Do you regret anything?

Seriously speaking, not getting studying done sooner because of procrastination. And also not having talked to my parents about architecture sooner. I literally started thinking about it seriously day before yesterday after talking to mom and dad. But ehh i just gotta study hared now.

And non-seriously, not taking the chance and going to the stationery with dad to buy stuff lmao

I went with mom and got just one fineliner pen.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Tbh yes and twice. Or maybe thrice? Four times??? idk if one of them was a hearbreak or actually just a prank.

Anyways buckle the fuck up we're in for a story time and this is gonna be a stupid ride

Okay, first the 'prank' (now that i think about it it was definitely not a prank). i was in the 7th grade and this one dude from my class came up to me while i was boarding the bus to go home and handed me a piece of paper. And im here confused as to what the f u c k? The dude was kinda like in the competition for the top rank in class (we were very competetive, there were like 5 of us) so i was just confused. I got in the bus and opened the paper. And it had a bunch of stuffs that i dint bother reading because the first thing my eyes landed on was 'will you be the annabeth to my percy?' And (yes i was a huge pjo fan that the time) i got out of the bus and literally yote the paper in the trash (cruel, yes i know. But listen. The dude used to tease me by literally shipping me with another classmate (thats also another story) and GOD that was so fucking ａｎｎｏｙｉｎｇso yes i was angry. And i legit didnt like any of the people in my class. All of them were just,,,, nah. Sobyea next day he asked me 'so?' And i said ',,,so what??' And he's like 'whats your reply?' And i straight up said 'uh i threw the paper' and he just turned around and left.

And then we became enemies-ish and literally fought hand-to-hand once (i was kicking so hand to foot i guess?) But ye that happened. And then a bunch of more stuff happened and by the time my dad was gonna get a promotional transfer to another place half the class became like one big group of friends and we became pretty good friends in the end.

Now lets talk about the dude who i got shipped with. I got teased for a whole year and like we were all pretty good friends right? So i didnt mind it in the beginning but then it got too overwhelming in the middle and it literally made me hate every single one of them. But then it got subdued and we decided we'll maybe date? And we didnt exactly say that out loud but he used to walk me to my bus (okay so the bus system at my old schoom was like a few buses were inside the campus and a few were outside. His was inside and mine out, so he used to walk me there. And then one day he said lets hold hands (and we did it was cute and we held hands and walked to my bus for like 2-3 days but then had to stop bc people started teasing us, we didnt end it on bitter terms btw. He used to have like taekwondo practice int he last period and we usually had english then so while going to the buses i used to give him my notes for the day.)

And like a few days later we realised that sure this is nice but he was gonna move schools soon and i legit wasnt that interested in relationships at the time so we 'ended' whatever that was. And on his last day when he dropped me off to my bus he asked me if i had a phone so we could keep in touch and i didnt have it so i said no and he was like 'hmm okay, bye take care' and left. And then his best friend stayed behind and jokingly said 'ah you broke his heart'

Yea okay two down two to go.

Third dude was in my bus and in my class and the friend group which was made up of half the class and wow i feel bad about everything w/ everyone now lmao

Anyways this was in 8th grade. So we were pretty good friends because we were in the same bus and class for the past 3 years now and considering my dad's profession thats a long time in the same place (its usually just one year) and ye so we were pretty close. Everyone in the bus used to olay team up games like charades and stuff

(ah shit i remember a fifth one in the colony damn i hate this)

Anyways number three, so we used to talk a lot. I'd gotten instagram by this time for art stuff so we talked there a lot. Like we sent each other memes and he got my weird and cursed meme shit and also got into anime and bts a bit to understand what the fuck i was saying. And he used to get teased because middle schoolers and junior highschoolers are stupid kids in those terms so ye there was a lot of teasibg which i tried to instantly shoot down because i didnt want a 7th grade repeat when there were chances of dad getting transfered soon coz i want good memories of the place y'know? So ye that happened. And i found out last year (in 11th grade and after dad got the transfer (i started 10th grade after the transfer) and apparently he got teased because he did actually like me and me shooting all that stuff down was literally just a rejection itself so that happened.

And number 4 was a similar thing but way more stressy because last year some random dude hit me up on Instagram and im here confused as to what the fuck? Ｗｈｏｍｓｔ？ and he says he's a friend of the first dude, second dude and the fourth dude (all of them are in the same coaching institute and 1,2 and 4 were also in my class in the past right. They were 3 of the 5 who were in the competition for top rank) and he legit says he wants to talk to the girl that two of his friends fought over and i'm like sir WHAT the Actual ＦＵＣＫ. because in the begining they were good friends in class right? And they had some unknown falling out and im like bitch literally WHAT the FUCK. So he brings up proof and shut because i didnt believe him and fuck off he also broght in another classmate who knew and im here losing my mind because the actual fuck you motherfuckers. Anyways apparently since i didnt like 4 back, he had his heart broken so eh. It was literally a 4 year old thing which those idiots were fighting over even now like dude the hell???

So ye that happened and a whole gc was made and shit was solved and cleared out blah blah freindship rebuilt yadda yadda bullcrap i got so tired by now that i literally am still kinda ignoring everyone rn. (half the reason why i deleted ig was because its distracting and half bc i wanna ignore them all lmao)

Anyways number 5 was in my colony and also in my bus when he used to go to the same school (he shifted to a boarding school later bc some stuff happened w his dad which is a whole another wild thing) and ooh he was also my neighbor! We used to go and play badminton in the clubhouse (literally all the kids of our age group and older used to go there. And after badminton when it was like 7:30 or 8 we used to just sit around in a circle and play truth or dare or red hands or kabbadi or literally anything we could think of. Fun times ngl.) So ye he was on a trip home on a long weekend i think and we ended up cycling around the colony, just us two hanging out. And we were talking and this one girl who he told me was his crush when he was still in school came up and he then told me that that was actually a codename thing he and his friend created and that was their codename for me and he also said he was over it now and i was just there completely shook because i honestly thought he hated me in the middle somewhere lmao. And he said he was just annoyed because another mutual friend of ours in the colony told him that i had a crush on this other guy like one house away from mine (my best friends house was in the middle lmao) (anyways that mutual frined the traitorous mf i truStEd her (actually i'd already confessed to the dude and got turned down i legit wasnt even that invested so it wasnt a big deal. I just wanted to kinda get done with this crush thing once and for all. He turned me down politely. He's a sweet guy he used to be there i the club after i was done with my coaching stuff around 7:30 and then us two played till like 9. It was nice) so ye he told me about his crush on me which lasted a few months??? and that he was over it and i also told him that i'd gotten the rejection from my crush a loooong time ago and he's like huh cool. and ye we kept cycling and talking ab more random stuff till it was time to head home .

ｗｈｅｗ ANYWAYS THERE WAS A LOT TO UNPACK HERE. Anyways- sjdvskdb thanks for the ask this was a wild ride down memory lane. I didnt even remember half the shit till it came down to it.

[fluzzyneko-chan]

Reflecting on My Life

Today on Thursday, April 29th in the year of our lord 2021, I sit here procrastinating from doing my final few assignments by drifting down memory lane and thinking about my life. I am 100% a mess, however, I have come to a conclusion in my evaluation of my life. I have come a long way over the years I have lived in the state I live and I think it is pretty cool. prepare for a sort of essay as I dance over the past years of my life.          

        Elementary school years here were not the best, my mom knows all about how I was beaten up and bullied all of the 4th and 5th grade as well as how teachers never really helped much. I mean I was a weirdo and very ADHD active so I guess I don't 100% blame em but still. My 4th-grade teacher took my special binder I kept doodles in that I drew in class, locked it up in her cabinet, said I could have it back on the last day of the year(which was a long time away), then had a sub the last day of the year who DID NOT have the key, so I never got it back. The folder belonged to my older sister who didn't live with me at the time so it really hurt to not get it back. She also would not help me when I got bullied or when students would steal my things claiming it was there's. My 5th-grade teacher always has me separate from everyone either in the corner or right next to his desk. he would yell at me a lot and threw my notebook at me once and of course rumors followed into middle school twisting it to where classmates said he threw the textbook at me. He said he threw it in my direction and not at me. Sure Mr. Crider, suuuure.         

        Middle school was full of emotional bullying instead of physical and I was still isolated. By this time I was a little brat and I would smack myself upside the head if I could meet my past self. I would backtalk teachers and I am pretty sure I screamed at some before. I also would randomly burst into tears at various times, whether it be in class or at lunch. Eventually, my grades started slipping as a mixture of me just being done with everyone and everything, and I am sure me genuinely struggling. I was a brat and I hate to admit it, but I was a pretty sassy bad kid. I do remember the 7th (or 8th I can't remember) grade English teacher Mrs. Smith though was really nice. Unfortunately, my classmates were not at all nice to her, but I listened in her class. She was one of the teachers I don't think I was rude to. I think I was usually nice to the English, Science, and History teachers for the most part. People tried to group with me in her class because I knew the vocabulary words and understood the material and they wanted to cheat off of me. I didn't let them though because I saw it as my form of revenge. I read books a lot in middle school, because what else was I going to do? I didn't have friends. Mrs.Smith ordered new books for her classroom library because she knew I loved reading books and was one of the only kids to actually read them. I helped her put them up and we talked about me being in honors classes in high school, she is who encouraged me to sign up for honors English when I started high school. I wish I could have done more for her because my classmates made her cry a few times and it ticked me off every time they did because she didn't deserve it. Kids suck. In 8th grade one of the school delinquents defended me from a bully who pushed me up against the wall in history class to hit me before the teacher showed up and again when another kid at my assigned table wouldn't leave me alone and I moved from my table (without permission). She told me not to listen to the bullies and the school pegged me as a delinquent like her..most likely because I wore black sometimes and hung out with her. Even though in the long run she seemed to not be a great person, she was nice to me and helped me with bullies. In the 8th-grade year, I had a couple of friendly classmates but not people I would say were the best bosom buddies with me.       

        High school for me was the best four years of my life. I honestly flourished and became a whole new person in high school, and it was for the best. I finally got to meet new people that weren't the same kids who tormented me for the past five years and I finally got to make close friends. I was a nicer person and with the introduction of friends, had totally changed my outlook on the world. Yeah, I would occasionally have classes with old bullies but it didn't bother me as much. Teachers were nicer to me for once for the most part. The Geometry/Bridge teacher excluded from this. Lady people told me to kill myself in your class and you did nothing but make fun of my lisp when I got my retainer and call me stupid every time I asked questions! I enjoyed my classes and genuinely felt like life was good. Yeah, junior/senior year was stressful as we were preparing for graduation, but I still had a nice time. My honors English teacher from sophomore year, Mr.Parsons, was very relatable and made understanding material fun. I also had him for theatre too. My creative writing teacher Mrs.White was also lovely and I miss her too. I could write a whole other essay-like post on high school teachers and who all inspired me so I'll leave it there. Overall most people say they would never wish to go back to high school/do it over again, and though my time at Central wasn't perfect...I don't regret my time there. I wouldn't mind doing it over again. High school was when I started bettering myself. High school was when I started seeing the good things in the world. high school was when I started seeing myself as actually intelligent. High school was when I finally found the light at the end of the tunnel.  thank you high school for giving me a chance, and thank you teachers for encouraging me and treating me like a person. Yeah, I got in trouble a couple of times for being hyperactive or talking too much, but I never felt devalued or dehumanized.         

        Now I have been in college since the fall of 2016 and have had multiple existential breakdowns, however, looking back at where I started and where I am, I feel accomplished. There were so many points where my life could have taken a dreadful turn. There were many many dark points and lows in my life....but I am here. I overcame each and every hardship and came out as a good person. I owe it to the few middle school teachers who believed in me and gave me hope and I owe it to the high school that finally gave me supportive friends and amazing teachers. I think I am probably about to start rambling and repeating points, plus I should actually finish these assignments up haha. Just one more time, thank you, everyone.

[aidenoes]

Im kinda bored so this is a little story time about a toxic best friend i had for many many years

Tw : s*lf-h*rm, s*icid*l thought, forced coming-out

To make the story easier let's call her Fish.

So... it started in primary school, i had moved out into a new city when i was in 3rd grade. That's when i first met her and we never really talked much. Then came 5th grade when we actually became friends.

And middle school happened and that's when everything went downhill real fast. In 6th grade i was still friend with her and i tried to get along with her other friend who was a bitch at that time, and i was too, so we never got along (even tho she is now my best friend bc we realised how much Fish was toxic lmao). So i had made new friends and she had too but we still made up over time and the other girl wasn't hanging out with us anymore.

Moving on to 7th, there was a new girl that came at the school at the beginning of the school year (who is also my bestfriend, props to her for staying with me all these years) and Fish immediately started talking to her. Eventually we have a group of 5 friends :me, her, our boyfriends and the new girl. The thing is that there was a trend of s*lf-h*rming yourself just to pretend to be depressed and sad, and Fish was one of the people who followed that trend. Me, being an absolute idiot, had no idea of the gravity. Well, i mean, i knew it was bad but my bestfriend was doing it so it's fine right ? No, it was not and i almost gave in to but i was afraid to harm myself so i never did. And that example is just to show how much i copied her, i destroyed my relationship bc i wanted to be like her and my ex-boyfriend was so good to me. Her relationship was like an light switch, you never knew when they were back together or not. We also had a skype group and messenger group of just three people: me, her and the new girl. Me and the new girl would badly roleplay and she would tell me, and only me, that i was cringy and leave the group chat like that. And i had no right to tell her i didn't like something about her, but she could though ? I let it slip anyway. I thought i was really happy, then came the worst year of my school life.

8th grade. At this point, Fish and her boyfriend had broken since he apparently abused her (im not sure since she is prone to lying) but i was still in good terms with him. Well we were not the best of friends but i wouldn't punch him (now i would bc he became such a fucking dick). But Fish started to become distant, as if she didn't want me around anymore but i ignored it thinking it was all in my head. One day, our teacher assigned us new places in class and i was next to her ex-boyfriend. We of course talked in class and laughed together. But out of nowhere, she started doing the sign where you slit your throat with your finger, y'know ? I thought she was doing it for kidding and i was just really confused, it was break after that class anyway so i can ask her wtf that was. She came to me and thought i was plotting against her with her ex-boyfriend and just told me to go fuck myself basically. I waited for my now ex-boyfriend and my friend to come-out of their class and explained to them what happened while containing my tears. They tried to go to her and try to understand wtf went wrong and funfact: nothing went wrong and she was just being a bitch and i later learned she just wanted to move on and discard everything from the past year, including me. But i didn't know that, i thought i broke everything, i thought i broke our group friend, i felt guilty and i felt, alone. My boyfriend that got out of school just before me went to my mom that was there to come pick me up, that i wasnt really well and he went away when i got out. My mom did ask me what was wrong and i told her that i'll explain when we're home. At home i explained everything and broke down in my moms arm, i dont know if i cried out of anger or sadness, but seeing me cry was enough for my mom to hate her with all her guts. I've felt so lonely after that. I had no one to eat lunch with, i had no one to be in group in class with and i had no idea of how to occupy my brain when i had no one to talk to, i read in the morning waiting for the friends i had left, i would draw whenever i had to wait alone and i would eat fast to get out the fastest possible. I also lost everything i was since at that time i was like a sponge of personality and just squeeze out whatever the personality people wanted out of me. I had lost everything and i didn't want to be here anymore, i just wanted to die honestly. And i think i wouldve if i didnt think there was my family and my friends. However, it does not end here ! Bc my dumb ass made so many more mistakes ! Bc one day in our technology class i had to work with her for an assignment and we gradually made up until we became friend again, but i was still wary of her and my s*icidal thoughts were still very present. So i was still very toxic and pushing the people that were there for me away. My boyfriend broke up with me. I didnt know what to do, but looking back this was such a good decision for him and for me. I am so thankful for him to have broke up with me, but at that moment i was a bit hurt but at the same time i saw it coming so i had so time to grief about it. A month later my mom decided to bring me to Mauritius (where she is from) bc she thought i had a hard time no having her around for the first time which is kinda true but not all the truth. I had no wifi and no way of contacting anyone. That was so refreshing ! That's when i started to understand that i had the right to think for myself first and not be a fucking carpet for everyone to walk on. I was not out of the shit but i started to understand how to get out.

9th grade, was my savior. This was the best year of my life with nothing to worry about except an exam at the end. You remember the girl in 6th grade that was a bitch ? Yeah we became close friends during that year bc i realised she was a bitch bc she was badly influenced on in 6th and 5th grade. And the new girl remember her ? That's also the year when we got close, the year where we became best friends, when i learned to be and love myself and the year when i started to stand up for myself. I have some bad daddy issues and i have almost always shared my problems with Fish but i started sharing less toward the end of 8th grade. One day i was complaining that i had to be basically the messenger bird of my parents and she looked at me annoyed and tell me 'why don't you go to the police ?'. Like we didnt ??? Like she thinks that my dad was harassing my mom and we didnt ?? That's basically saying 'don't be' to someone who is sad. And i explained that to her and she was like 'don't complain to me if you're going to flip off like that when im giving you a solution', excuse me bitch... what ? I was hella mad. She came fake apologising like a few weeks later. And one day she came out to me as pansexual, great for her, and i was also questionning my gender and thought i was genderfluid so i came out to her. She was like 'oh ok' and i sent her some memes about genderfluidity and she was like 'stop this is annoying'. So i shut my trap. I also learned that during a school i didnt went she faked some anxiety and was being a bitch bc her friend wouldnt come to a shop with her even so another one was ok with going with her. I eventually started to understand that she was bad for my mental health, so i just started ghosting her bc i just didnt want to talk with her anymore and i didnt know how to confront her. She came up and grabbed and pulled me by my backpack that was full of shit just to ask me why i didnt answer to one of her text. I was so scared i just told her i wasnt feeling well and just told her i needed time. The year went by it was great and i didnt want to be in cold with Fish but i also didnt want to be her friend, i wanted to just be classmates, however when she was told this she understood : 'they want to be friend again'. So she clung with us next year.

10th grade, was last year and was full of drama. And we only had 6 months of school. 10th grade is the first year of highschool and the only year where we don't have an exam. I also had a forced new friend that we're going to call Taz so we don't get mixed up. She was also very clingy and it felt like having a leech stuck to me. And Fish was being very, let's say embarrassing and making us feel uncomfortable. She would make ton of sexual joke and we told her it was making us uncomfortable but she would apologise just to do it again the week later so we just gave up. She also outed me in class, thankfully the class was really noisy and only my bestfriend heard it but this fucking bitch just asked outta nowhere 'so you're still on this whole thing about being genderfluid or what ?' And she wasnt talking low, she was talking loud and clear. I felt so embarras and i hoped that no one else heard it. I answered as very quietly 'no.. i think im genderqueer now' and she just said ok. That's also around when i discovered im bi so i was so glad that i didnt tell her about that. And a few months later there was some shit going around about bullying and Fish was one of the targets. And let's say that our english teacher held up a trial so i opened up my big ass mouth to talk and defend Fish. And guess what, Taz just blurted out that i and my best friend were bullying her. Excuse me ? I defended her ass and when i talked to her about it she told me 'no you didnt, you just yelled at me once in physics'. So bc i yelled at her bc she wouldnt listen to me when we had to work i bullied her ? What a thank ! And when i tried to talk it out with Taz, she fucking ignored me and left. I was enraged. I was crying out of fucking rage and still aced a test in english. At the end i explained everything to my crush while i was walking home with her bc she lived next to my moms restaurant. When i stepped into the restaurant, there was my moms friend, which im kinda close to, and my mom who asked me how was my day i cried out of anger. They comforted me and supported me. At school, one day the assistant director called me and my best friend in his office. And told us that in highschool there are no bullying only misunderstandings (i dont really agree with that but anyway) and asked us our side of the story. We explained that we didnt get along with her anymore and made it very clear that we were uncomfortable with her but she wouldnt take a hint. And we left the office just like that. The assistant director probably told Fish our side and she never went to talk with us bc of covid.

Now, im in 11th grade, we do not talk anymore and this feel so much better. Now i'll just drop some bonus drama

She accused me of drowning her when it was her ex-boyfriend that did and made her scared of water, while i was there to support her when she was dealing with her phobia.

And her mom thought that i was a bad influence for her sweet sweet daughter when she was the one to incite me to c*t myself like paper, wow ok.

This is just a personal share and just maybe a way for others to recognise the toxic behaviors of fake friends.

[thegoldenmink]

Okay so, I keep getting reminded of these things (mainly on Tiktok) so I'm just going to compile them here (since I'm not comfortable on camera)

Warning: this is pretty much a vent post of things that I still think about from middle school and high school. Maybe even some Elementary school events. I'll put them under a page break, that way it's completely optional to read them or not

Elementary: Getting called pregnant on the playground because I was fat

Elementary: Getting mocked when I got angry about things

Middle: The popular guys claiming that one of them liked me when I walked by. Guy getting targeted would be outraged and and would instantly sputter his disagreement while his friends laughed. All to mock me for being fat and undesirable (my personality also came into play here)

Middle school: The popular girls practically ignoring that I existed unless they were doing that thing where they try to 'make friends' with you while at the same time being vaguely condescending

Middle School: One of said popular guys made me very uncomfortable and I didn't want him near me. If we were near each other in the lunch line he would try to touch me on the arm etc because he knew it made me uncomfortable. Didn't stop even when I asked, especially not when I got angry about it. Same guy picked up something I dropped and tried to hand it to me, Knowing I was uncomfortable with him, and when snatched it from his hand and moved on to my class he went to the guidance counselor to say something about my behavior as if I was in the wrong

Middle School: Gym class in 7th grade there were 3 boys in 8th grade that continuously tried to bother me. One of them walked up to me and asked, and I quote, "can I eat you out". I avoided them every chance I got but sharing a class made it hard. Once in the volleyball unit the ball went flying across the floor so I went to get it, and one of the three picked it up to hand it to me. But he was red faced from trying not to laugh. Same group, claimed one of them liked me, tried to respond sarcastically with "suuure" but it came out wrong, and I made sure to clarify. But it didn't stop them from laughing like hyenas. Later the one they said liked me left, and when he came back the other two kept asking if I remembered him. As if I liked him or something

Highschool: Freshman year gym class, same guy that his friends claimed I liked him was in a different class. But they were in the balcony gym that day so they could see my class. Someone I knew and was tentative friends with (by proxy of them being friends with my brother) called down to me "I hear you two dated?" With a suggestive tone. Guy was grinning mockingly. I said no and tentative friend shrugged

Highschool: Walking in the hall way and some guy randomly puts his arm around my shoulder. He made a comment but I can't quite remember what it was because it was quiet. I move out of the way and his friends laughed about him getting "curved" with a mocking tone

Highschool: My geometry class. Three other students would make passive aggressive mocking comments to me. Making comments about something smelling, even though nothing did. One time the girl walked up to me and asked about why I wear pants under my dresses. Completely judgemental look when I said I wasn't comfortable without them. She then proceeded to ask if I smelled something, and I shrugged and said "Baby powder, I guess?" Because it did. I assumed it was deodorant someone was wearing. She then immediately started laughing like a hyena. Ever since then I ignored them, even when they spoke directly to me. One time they asked if I was in a relationship, and I was in one long distance at that time, and when I ignored her she made a noise similar to "that's what I thought"

Highschool: My intern class my junior year was with one of the freshman english teachers, because he was my english teacher freshman year. Had a 'chant' they would do every morning. One student that left had his name in it, they replaced it with mine. One of the freshman shared my theater class with me, and she got confused on my middle name because of her classmates in the english class. I didn't think anything of it at first. Then they were talking and it was a smooth transition for me to bring it up. "Yeah I heard you guys think my last name is Newman or something?" They immediately started laughing and I put the pieces together. One of the freshman's last name was Newman. During the 'chant' after my name they would start saying "Newmannn" in a mocking tone. Eventually told the teacher I don't like it, and he must have told them to stop. This didn't stop Newman kid from talking to me in that 'friendly' tone that's really just mocking me. Would continuously do this despite me ignoring him

Highschool: Same kid was in my intern period for senior year too. Would continue to use mocking tone and try to engage with me. One of which was him using the wrong name for me, my name, all in a mocking tone to get my attention. The last thing he said was "honey bun" in that particular incident. I would spend as much of my intern period as possible in the library just to avoid him. My chemistry teacher from year prior found out while I was asking my intern teacher for the current year to please seat him as far away from me as possible. When I told her, he heard as well. She agreed to sit us father away, and chemistry teacher tried to get me to go to the office. Doing so has literally never worked for me before, and I dislike confrontation with a passion. Chemistry teacher took me to student services with him because he convinced me to say something. I said I'd like to speak with person that handles these incidents, but ended up not following through. I ignored him for the rest of the time I was in there until quarantine hit.

I'm sure there's more that just aren't on the top of my head at the moment. And this is only one type of thing that keeps bothering me. Trauma from childhood and incidents that didn't make me feel awful on purpose, but still did nevertheless, are an entirely different topic.

Anyway,, if anyone read this- thank you. Comments are welcome, but not obligatory

[silenthillmutual]

Danganronpa 1 & 2 characters as High School “recommended reading” books I actually read

Makoto Naegi

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee when i read it: 5th grade for fun, 10th grade for English class did i like it? well enough yeah content warnings: thematic & period-typical racism, ableism, and sexism about: Recounts a summer in which Scout and her brother, Jem, watch their lawyer father defend a black man accused of raping a white woman in the south while balancing raising them alone. Other stuff happens, but that’s the most important plot thread.

Sayaka Maizono

Medea by Euripides when i read it: i don’t remember, maybe 9th for drama, 12th for English? did i like it? yep! content warnings: child murder, infidelity, some pretty brutal other character deaths, sexism about: Medea, who has sacrificed everything to be with her husband - even committed treason - has been left by the man so he can move on to woo and wed a princess. And she loses her shit.

Leon Kuwata

The Adventures of Huckelberry Finn by Mark Twain when i read it: 11th grade did i like it? yeah! content warnings: thematic & period-typical racism (use of the n-word), domestic abuse, classism iirc? about: After his abusive dad comes back and demands money under the threat of death, Huck Finn runs away with a fugitive slave down the Mississippi River. Being Mark Twain, it’s a comedy, although Huck’s father is genuinely kind of frightening and his friendship with Jim is kind of heartwarming.

Chihiro Fujisaki

Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley when i read it: 10th grade for fun, 12th grade & freshman year of college for class did i like it? I’ve got mixed feelings; i love the book, hate most peoples’ interpretations of it. content warnings: character death, incest (depending on the version of the novel you read), unethical doctors, neglectful parents about: Thinking he knows better than literally anyone else he’s ever met, Victor Frankenstein decides it’s his birthright to play god. He robs graves to build the perfect body, and then, once he’s successful, flips his shit and refuses to acknowledge any part he played in the creation, wrecking the lives of like everyone he knows.

Mondo Oowada

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton when i read it: like 6th or 7th grade, for fun did i like it? i loved it! content warnings: abuse, thematic classism, character death about: Honestly the most obvious choice to make for Mondo. Ponyboy Curits, a greaser, recounts the last few months of his life in which, after being repeatedly harassed and then nearly killed by gang of rich kids, his friend Johnny stabs one to death. In order to keep Johnny out of prison and Ponyboy out of a boys’ home, the two run away. Considering Ponyboy is also being raised by an older brother, this totally fits Mondo.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

King Lear by William Shakespeare when i read it: twice in college (discliamer: as an english major i had to taken an entire course on shakespeare, so he shows up a lot here between that and having done theatre) did i like it? no content warnings: a surprising amount of gore for a stage play, including a guy getting his eyes gouged out and someone getting beheaded iirc about: The king’s getting up in years, so he’s hoping he can drop the workload off onto his three daughters while remaining the figurehead. His youngest, Cordelia, who he loves best, refuses to kiss his ass by saying that he’ll still have power over her once she’s married, and this pisses him off so he disinherits her. Then her sisters, annoyed with their father and his favoritism, decide that with Cordelia out of the way they can now do basically whatever they want and determine to make his life hell. Since he named them Goneril and Regan, I don’t blame them.

Hifumi Yamada

The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer when i read it: college, but i wanna say i read some of the stories in it for English classes in high school? did i like it? some of the stories i did yeah content warnings: varies from story to story, but i remember unsanitary, drunkenness, and infidelity about: The overarching “plot” as such is that a group of people are making a pilgrimage to Canterbury, and decide that to pass the time they will tell two stories each. Each story is told in-character, and whoever tells the best story has to...buy everybody dinner, or something? I don’t really recall. It’s a comedy, but it’s also unfinished because Chaucer bit off way more than he could chew.

Celes Ludenberg

“The Cask of Amontillado” by Edgar Allan Poe when i read it: 11th grade did i like it? probably, i’m a fan of Poe content warnings: drunkenness, murder about: This one got memetic on tumblr for a while, but essentially this guy decides to get revenge on an old friend of his for some kind of sleight by getting him drunk during Carnival, leading him into the basement, and burying him alive. Poe isn’t one to go soft.

Sakura Oogami

“A Very Old Man With Enormous Wings” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? no content warnings: objectification, something akin to torture about: A family finds an old man with wings lying face-down on the ground and decide to keep him like a pet. People see him and assume he is an animal, and the family decides to start charging admission like their own private sideshow, while onlookers abuse him. One of those extra depressing stories that makes you wonder why the hell you had to read it for class.

Mukuro Ikusaba

The Crucible by Arthur Miller when i read it: the first time, probably in 6th or 7th grade, and then several more times after that for a variety of other classes. it’s a theatre and English class staple.  did i like it? when taken in context, yes. but i’m also fucking sick of reading it. content warnings: infidelity, paranoia bait, period-typical racism & sexism (takes place during the Salem Witch Trials) about: The plot is a witch hunt, in which a girl who had an affair with a married man claims to have been taken over by the spirit of the devil and that all her friends and a variety of other townsfolk have too. It follows the trials as they try to determine who is and is not guilty, who will repent for their sins, and thematically is about puritanical hysteria. It’s about the Red Scare of the 50s, surveillance, the Hollywood Blacklist, propaganda, and tyrannical government. Naturally, teachers fail to provide any context for the play that actually makes it relevant or interesting. Compare to modern day callout/cancel culture. 

Kyouko Kirigiri

12 Angry Men by Reginald Rose when i read it: 10th grade (although i’d already seen the movie) did i like it? yes content warnings: thematic classism & xenophobia about: The jury of a case in which a teenager is accused of murder convene to determine their verdict. All but one man believe him to be guilty. The rest of the play covers his attempts to sway his other jurors into at least casting aside their prejudices to view the case impartially.

Byakuya Togami

The Federalist Papers when i read it: summer before 12th grade for AP Gov. yikes. did i like it? oh god no. i had to have my lawyer dad explain it to me. content warnings: legalese and it’s boring as fuck about: i mean it’s just a bunch of essays to promote ratifying the the constitution. I don’t even remember if we read all of them. that’s how bad my retention of the subject is.

Toko Fukawa

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? kind of? content warnings: bugs, emotional abuse, depression about: A man awakens one day to find he has transformed into a giant cockroach. It’s a metaphor for his depression and what a burden he feels like to his family. If you read anything about Kafka’s life, you’ll understand why he was depressed.

Aoi Asahina

Hamlet by William Shakespeare when i read it: i’ve forgotten when my first time was because i’ve had to read it so constantly. if i had to wager a guess, i’d say middle school, though i’ve read it for fun, for drama class, and for English class. did i like it? yes content warnings: character death, suicidal ideation, incest vibes (depending on your interpretation) about: Hamlet, not over the early death of his father, is enraged that his mother has married his uncle. He’s really bringing everyone else down about it, and then he starts to see his father’s ghost on top of it all. No one’s sure if he’s just mad with grief or if the ghost is for real, but he starts making life for everyone else difficult when he decides to try and expose his uncle as his father’s murderer.

Yasuhiro Hagakure

Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller when i read it: 10th grade i think? did i like it? if i believed in book-burning, this would’ve been the first turned to ash in my trashcan content warnings: infidelity, mediocre white men with narcissism, suicide, not sure what else about: An aging father who thinks he was robbed of success by circumstances refuses to face facts that he is a loser by projecting his failures onto a son that now hates him and thinking real big of himself for a wash-out.

Junko Enoshima

Othello by William Shakespeare when i read it: college did i like it? it’s my favorite Shakepseare play, actually! content warnings: thematic racism/xenophobia/Islamophobia, domestic abuse, character death about: A tragedy centering around the planned downfall of Othello, Moor of Venice. He’s relatively well-respected for his heroics and generally being a pretty cool guy, but for whatever reason, Iago wants to see him suffer. And when I say “for whatever reason” - it’s because Iago never gives a consistent one, but at the end he admits the entire thing has been his orchestration and he’s had no issue exploiting peoples’ bigotry as a means to an end. One popular and pretty text-evident theory is that Iago is in love with Othello. But - causing a ruckus, bringing society to its knees, and torturing a man just for shits n giggles? Getting it all done by sheer power of charisma? That’s all Junko ever does.

Monokuma

1984 by George Orwell when i read it: 10th grade for fun, 12th grade for class did i like it? yes but i don’t recommend it. i like tedious shit. content warnings: paranoia bait, sexual themes, torture, probably other stuff i’m forgetting about: Classic dystopia lit in which the government controls the flow of information to the degree of creating its own language (”newspeak”) to explain the technology used to survey its citizens and distill history-changing propaganda. Especially relevant in an era of “fake news.” Where Big Brother Is Watching comes from. Extremely difficult to get into.

Hajime Hinata

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck  when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? yeah content warnings: ableism, implied domestic abuse, character death, animal death, era-typical sexism (1930s) about: Very desolate and depressing novella about the futility of the American Dream to “make something of yourself”. Two farmhands, Lennie and George, arrive at a California farm seeking employment. They just want to earn enough money to open up a farm of their own - a rabbit farm - and things are all downhill from there. Well-written and one of Steinbeck’s shorter works.

Twogami

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald when i read it: 11th grade did i like it? yes! i loved it. but in the way that you love sleazy tabloid rag stories. content warnings: infidelity, car accidents, character death about: Stupidly rich people in New York in the 1920s being fake as hell. It’s about excess and decadence and the idea of having a rags-to-riches story, and it’s very homoerotic.

Teruteru Hanamura

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? one of my top faves tbh content warnings: alcoholism & drug usage, thematic classism & racism (ie that’s the point), sexual themes, violence, non-graphic suicide (like literally the last sentence), character deaths about: You know how 1984 is a very pessimistic dystopia about government surveillance? Brave New World is like “what if everything was a utopia because of government interference?” It’s easier to get into than 1984. It’s about a man from the upper echelon of society discovering the dirty secret of how society is able to able to function the way it does, an outsider into his world to shake things up.

Mahiru Koizumi

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen when i read it: i dunno, summer between 9th and 10th grade maybe? did i like it? yes! i loved it. content warnings: there are a couple of guys who are sort of gross but there’s nothing that bad in it about: An upper-middle class family - more the mother than the father - trying to marry off the eldest of their five daughters. It’s largely character-driven and most of the plot focuses on Jane’s relationship with Bingley, Elizabeth’s relationship with Darcy, and the problems witch judging people based on first impressions.

Peko Pekoyama

Call of the Wild by Jack London when i read it: 9th grade did i like it? fuck no content warnings: graphic animal violence. if there’s other stuff i forgot because i fucking hated this book. about: I think it’s something like a dog getting lost in Alaska and has to learn to be a wolf in order to survive? It’s incredibly brutal and is one of those media where just reading it makes you feel cold. 

Hiyoko Saionji

The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? not really content warnings: man i don’t know, but it’s by Tennessee Williams so there’s probably alcoholism, daddy issues, and homophobia about: An overbearing mother embarrasses her son and disabled daughter when an old school friend comes to visit...I’m not sure if there’s more of a plot to it than that. Like most Williams works, it’s largely character-driven.

Ibuki Mioda

If On a Winter’s Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino when i read it: college did i like it? this is one of those rare exceptions in books where i read it, because i remember having a visceral reaction to it, but i can not for the life of me remember a single damn thing about it other than how stupidly difficult it was to read.  content warnings: it’s metaficiton. about: You are the protagonist. I genuinely can’t explain anymore than that.

Mikan Tsumiki

A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams when i read it: 9th grade did i like it? not really, but i’d be willing to reread it content warnings: domestic abuse, rape about: Unstable Blanche DuBois goes to visit her sister, Stella, and meets her appalling husband Stanley. All Tennessee Williams plays seem to have a theme of family tragedy in them, with this being probably the most bleak example. 

Nekomaru Nidai

The Odyssey by Homer when i read it: 9th grade, then again in college for a classics class did i like it? yeah content warnings: your usual classical Greek-variety nonsense, including character death, infidelity, and partying. about: Odysseus attempts to make his way back home after the Trojan War, and has a time of it. Having pissed off Poseidon he’s gotten off-course and gotten lost another ten years, and had a whole slew of other adventures trying to make it back home and save his wife from the harassment she’s been getting since his disappearance.

Gundham Tanaka

The Tempest by William Shakespeare when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? not especially content warnings: thematic colonialism & racism...not sure what else but it’s hard as fuck to read. try reading it out loud & acting along to it. about: I didn’t totally get it but there’s something about a wizard having been banished and now people are coming back to find him for some reason? the people who exiled him & his brother & daughter have crash-landed on his island and now he might get his revenge. Thanks, TVTropes! All I remember is discussing in one class about how The Tempest managed to predict the “finding” of America and how the English would treat the native peoples. It’s a “romance”, which in that day and age meant it was about magic. Influenced some science fiction works like Brave New World (the title of which comes from a line spoken by Miranda). I should probably reread it.

Nagito Komaeda

The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger when i read it: 8th grade for fun did i like it? yeah content warnings: implied pedophilia. i’m sure there’s other stuff but i don’t remember it well enough. about: Perennial troublemaker Holden Caulfield is kicked out of boarding school, and takes a hell of a long time getting home from the place as he complains about his declining mental state, hypocrisy, and loss of innocence. It’s one of those books you either really love or really hate, and has been repeatedly challenged because Holden swears too much and might be bisexual.

Chiaki Nanami

Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw when i read it: 12th grade, i think did i like it? yes content warnings: classism about: A linguistics professor makes a bet with a friend that he can take any lower-class citizen and teach them to speak formal English, well enough to pass them off as aristocracy to other rich people. It’s the plot upon which the musical My Fair Lady is based, although it was intended as a deconstruction of the kind of plot whose trope it now codifies.

Sonia Nevermind

“Lamb to the Slaughter” by Roald Dahl when i read it: 10th grade did i like it? yeah! content warnings: infidelity, character death about: A guy comes home and tells his heavily pregnant wife that he’s been having an affair, and he’s leaving her. She doesn’t take it well. I won’t spoil the rest of it, as it’s a short story, but it’s fun to keep in mind that it’s be the same guy who wrote classics such as Matilda and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Kazuichi Souda

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare when i read it: 8th grade for a book report and then again in....i don’t know. i’ve had to read it a lot. did i like it? sure, it’s got some pretty great insults content warnings: men being douchebags including stalker-y behavior, and a woman falls in love with a man who has a donkey’s head (it doesn’t last) about: Hermia & Lysander are planning to run away to get married because Hermia’s father doesn’t approve of Lysander, and she’s trying to dodge the affections of Demetrius - the man to whom she has been betrothed, because he’s an ass who, among other things, slept with her friend Helena and then ditched her. Which Helena is still hung up on, even though he’s a gross creep. At the same time, a group of actors are trying to get together a play for an upcoming royal wedding, and the King of the Faeries is trying to win back his wife. This all connects because a faerie decides to fuck around.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier when i read it: college, for an independent study did i like it? yeah content warnings: graphic violence, i think some homophobia? about: Kids and staff at a private school take a candy sale way too damn seriously. There’s basically a mafia at the school and some sort of weird popularity contest and hazing going on. 

Akane Owari

“The Most Dangerous Game” by Richard Connell when i read it: 9th grade did i like it? i guess so content warnings: human hunting about: A man finds himself shipwrecked on an island, and is then hunted for sport. No, really.

Monomi

East of Eden by John Steinbeck when i read it: technically i’m in the middle of it right now, but that counts, right? did i like it? so far, i guess i do, but it’s mainly i care character who comes up later. couldn’t give less of a shit about adam trask, full offense content warnings: period-typical sexism & racism (set around the turn of the 20th century and published in 1952), implied pedophilia (that gets incredibly glossed over), ableism about: A combination of heavy-handed religious allegory (Steinbeck really just can’t cool it with the Cain and Abel theme naming) and family tree history. Follows the Trask family through Adam’s childhood, tumultuous relationship with his brother, even worse relationship with his wife, and horrible parenting of his children. The end (which is what the film adaptation covers) is more centered on his son Cal Trask grappling with the idea that he might be evil because of his genetics, or something. I think that’s an argument you could make of Monomi, being related to Monokuma (or at least, how i’m sure she’d feel).

[isobel-thorm]

73 Questions

Tagged by: @returnofthepd3 Tagging: All y’all

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? -10. I’ve got nothing to look forward to in life anymore and that’s finally starting to weigh on me.

Describe yourself in a hashtag? #CorgiMom

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?  I’ll pass. 

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? “Come see the Human Afterthought.” 

What’s one thing people don’t know about you? I mean I’m lonely af and try to get friendship going with lots of people so I’m entirely open and will talk about anything, so nothing. 

What’s your wakeup ritual? Currently roll out of bed at 10am-11am, tune out whatever nonsense my dad is spewing that afternoon, pack more boxes, fruitlessly apply to jobs, and play RDR2.

What’s your favorite time of day? 7PM-1AM. Blessed alone/unbothered time in this house. 

Your go to for having a good laugh? Talking to my college friends and The One That Got Away

Dream country to visit? England

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had? My parents finally caving and letting me get a dog after we lost our first corgi two years prior/they didn’t want to “do all the doghair” again. 

Heels or flats/sneakers? Sneakers but not flats. I’m a toe-walker so flats are a nightmare. I have better luck in heels than flats, and I don’t mind heels, but they just feel too formal for me. 

Who do you want to write your obituary? The One That Got Away. He’ll do me justice and not get too preachy. He’ll have fun with it. 

Style icon? Becca in Pitch Perfect, Carrie Underwood when she/her stylist is pairing stuff with jeans

What are three things you can’t live without? My dog, creativity, art supplies

What’s one ingredient you put in everything? Lemon Pepper

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for? The One That Got Away, my first senior year roommate, and... my three college best friends. No, I won’t narrow it down to three. 

What’s your biggest fear in life? At this point it’s about to come true, so moving away and not being able to find a job/carry on the exact same way I’m going now, so... yeah. 

Window or aisle seat? Window

What’s your current TV obsession? I had to axe Hulu for a bit but when I still had it, it was Prodigal Son, Almost Family, Dollface, and Perfect Harmony (yeah the latter is fairly preachy and bad but it’s charming and funny in its own weird way). That reminds me I need to re-up Hulu. 

Favorite app? Spotify, Choices: Stories You Play

Secret talent? Interior Design, Giving My All to  Some People Who Just Won’t Bother to Do the Same For Me

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life? Digging in my heels when my parents were trying to deter me from going to a college seven hours away. I’m not adventurous and I hate it. 

How would you define yourself in three words? empathetic, creative, A Pleasure to Have in Class

Favourite piece of clothing you own? My college hoodie. It’s mostly black, has my college logo but the neck/pullstrings are modelled after a hockey uniform’s. I’ve only gone without it the last three days during this whole lockdown and I miss it. The print is also crackling so I need to find another close thing to it. 

Must have clothing item everyone should have? Slightly too-big hoodie.

Superpower you would want? Mind reading

What’s inspiring you in life right now? Nothing

Best piece of advice you’ve received? “Stop caving to your parents.” 

Best advice you’d give your teenage self? Same as the last question, cut out [Toxic Ex Best Friend], be more aggressive pursuing The Guy it Turned Out We Both Had a Crush on, also be more aggressive pursuing The One That Got Away.

A book that everyone should read? Austenland by Shannon Hale if romantic comedies and/or Jane Austen is your thing. 

What would you like to be remembered for? Loyalty. 

How do you define beauty? Selflessness, put-togetherness

What do you love most about your body? If eyes count, my eyes. If not, lmao I hate my body, nothing. 

Best way to take a rest/decompress? Mindlessly browse internet, play videogames. 

Favourite place to view art? On here, tbh. Like, I could say the Metropolitan Museum of Art in the city, but... idk everything but the Egyptian Exhbit drains me in that place for some reason. I’m more of a Natural History Museum gal. Gimme the fun taxidermy and that giant whale sculpture in the food court any day. 

If your life were a song, what would it be? Falling Apart - Matt Nathanson 

My Name is Thunder by Jet and The Bloody Beetroots.

If you could master one instrument, what would it be? Baritone. I used to play it and then got snubbed from band in 7th grade and my skill with it tanked to nothing. Picking it up again would be nice. 

If you had a tattoo, where would it be? Well, the plan before the lockdown was to get one in the middle of my inner forearm.

Dolphins or koalas? Dolphins

Best gift you’ve ever received? Our first corgi

Best gift you’ve ever given? When I was in college I made polymer clay ornaments for Christmas for my five housemates. They were all fairly terrible but I had fun and most of them apparently willingly enjoyed getting them/had a good laugh about it. One of them still sends me the photo of his whenever it’s on the tree. 

What’s your favourite board game? Stratego but the version from the 1960s, Battleship from the 1980s.  Yes the years are important, the modern ones are entirely different games and they’re Weird and I don't like ‘em. 

What’s your favourite colour? Peacock blue

Least favourite colour? Yellow

Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds

Drugstore makeup or designer? Drugstore

Blow-dry or air-dry? Air dry. Fuck blow drying, I have too much hair and it puffs out if I blow dry. I call it “Hermione Grangering.”

Pilates or yoga? Neither

Coffee or tea? Both

What’s the weirdest word in the English language? Moist. Why does everybody hate it, idgi. Is it really just a mind in the gutter thing?

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate? Yes. 

Stairs or elevator? Stylistically stairs, general preference: elevator. 

Summer or winter? WINTER!!!! Summer is evil. 

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? Mac and Cheese

A dessert you don’t like? No Dessert.

A skill you’re working on mastering? Digital coloring, figuring out what I want to do with my life without caving to my parents trying to gaslight me because they want me to be something I don’t want to be. 

Best thing to happen to you today? lmao nothing. Since it’s been a rough few hours I’m waiting on The One That Got Away to sense my depression and text me because he’s just got that talent. 

Best compliment you’ve ever received? My high school bus driver ran into me at the grocery store I worked at and introduced me to his partner as “the girl I told you about, the one that if we ever adopt a kid and they don’t end up exactly like her, I’m gonna be disappointed.” Also, because I need to put this one into writing somewhere, when my classmates and I were out on a college trip, our professor/advisor was with us and was a few drinks in, so she gave us all superlatives. I was “the smartest person in this entire group... .... .... but [ I ] had to come out of the closet ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... of smartness.”  Cue everyone, including myself, looking from her, to each other, and then back to me, absolutely not sure how to process that.  It was wild and confusing but because of that it still ranks on one of my best moments in college. And it was arguably a compliment. 

Favourite smell? Vanilla, or baked goods. 

Hugs or kisses? Hugs

If you made a documentary, what would it be about? Documentaries are garbage, I’d do a drama- movie or show. 

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? RDR2 fic, post canon where John meets Albert and tells him A Thing and it killed me. 

Lipstick or lip gloss Lipstick

Sweet or savory? Sweet

Girl crush? Alicia Vikander

How you know you’re in love? Undying loyalty to the person, lots of laughs and smiles. 

Song you can listen to on repeat? Sinner - Andy Grammer

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be? Anybody other than me lmao

What are you most excited about at this time in your life? Again, I’ve got nothing to look forward to in life anymore. So uuuhhhh... maybe having something to look forward to again? But there’s a minimal chance of that. 

[krisdoesart]

Close to the chest - Sanders Sides AU

Logan - part 2

Summary: Logan and Virgil experience their first day at their new school.

Warnings: swearing, sympathetic Deceit, bullying, slightly (?) homophobic jokes, divorce mention

Ships: none

Word count: 1750

August, 2012

Logan

First day at the new school.

Logan Bowman adjusted his tie, looking himself over in the reflection on the inside of the car window. He sat on the right side of the car, behind his older brother, Virgil, who sat in the passenger seat. Their father, D, was driving them to school.

D and Mother had gotten divorced almost 3 months prior. Once divorced, D brought Virgil and Logan up with him to Michigan, where he'd recently purchased a house for them. The house was giant and fancy, much larger of a house than a family of 3 needed. D had already enrolled Virgil and Logan into an expensive private school in the area. Unless you were lucky enough to win an annual raffle for your child to be entered in, it cost a lot of money to get in.

Once they'd moved in, Logan had decided that he was going to change himself. He began dressing and speaking in a more formal matter than one would expect from an 11 year old boy. He kept himself and his living space neat at all times. He stopped expressing much emotion. He turned his focus more to himself than towards everyone else and what they felt. As D had told him, it wasn't Logan's job to make other people happy. Logan was the only person he needed to worry about.

Logan glanced down towards his outfit. Black polo, blue jeans, a matching blue tie. He'd chosen his glasses with black frames for his first day. The school website had said there was no uniform or strict dress code, although students were encouraged to wear dressier clothes than, say, a T-shirt and sweats.

Virgil had paid very little attention to the suggestion. He wore a black hoodie over a gray shirt and black jeans. His black sneakers had purple laces. D had done his very best to convince Virgil to change into something nicer, but Virgil had ignored him. Virgil often disregarded D nowadays. Logan assumed he was still upset about the divorce.

D stopped the car at the curb in front of the school. Virgil opened his door and stepped out, waiting for his brother. Logan grabbed his and Virgil's bags from the other back seat and exited the car. D drove away before they could say goodbye.

Virgil took his bag. "Ready, Lo?"

Logan looked at him. Virgil looked incredibly anxious about the new setting. "I am ready to go inside. Are you?"

Virgil nodded stiffly. "Yep," he said quickly.

Logan's expression softened slightly. "Just remember to breathe. First days are always the hardest. You just need to make it through the day. You can do it, Virge."

Virgil nodded again, more genuinely this time. He took a deep breath, and the two walked up to the school.

According to their schedules, the 8th grade wing was on the second floor. Virgil waved to Logan nervously before heading up the stairs. Logan continued to the right towards the 6th grade wing.

The morning started out okay. The school required each student to take up a language, so Logan had chosen Spanish as it was supposedly a straightforward and easy language to learn. He had Spanish 1 during first hour, which was spent discussing the year's syllabus. At the end they learned a couple basic words and phrases like Hello, Goodbye, and My Name Is.

Logan's second class was study hall, which took place in the library. Seeing as he hadn't received any homework to work on, Logan used his library card given to him during advisory to check out several books to read.

Once his study hall was over, Logan had science. Once again, the class was spent going over the class syllabus. Everyone was asked to introduce themselves and say something about themselves, which no one seemed eager to do. Logan wondered briefly why these exercises existed, since nobody enjoyed them or remembered anything anyone said.

Lunch was worse.

Logan deliberately arrived near the end of the group in order to avoid doing the wrong thing or accidentally sitting in someone's spot. First Lunch included 6th, 7th and 8th graders, so the first thing Logan did was look for Virgil.

Near the back of the dining hall sat a small group of open tables. Virgil sat at one of them, keeping his head down. He looked really distressed. When he saw Logan approach, he appeared visibly relieved.

Logan sat down with a vaguely serious expression on his face. "Hello, Virgil. How has your morning been?"

Virgil tugged on one of his sleeves, a nervous habit of his. "This place sucks. Everyone's looking down on me. They're judging me. They hate me. I don't even know what I fucking did but they hate me—"

"Virgil! Calm down." Logan saw the tears in his eyes that were threatening to pour out. He kept tissues in his bag. He pulled them out and handed one to Virgil. "I can assure you that no one hates you. They'd have no reason to hate you."

Virgil clutched the tissue but didn't wipe his eyes. He took a few deep, shaking breaths, palms pressed against the table, before he regained his composure. He wiped his eyes before Logan took the tissue and brought it to the garbage. After sitting back down, Logan asked in a more gentle tone, "Are you alright, Virgil?"

"I don't- I don't know, Lo." He took a few more shaking breaths.

"It appears that we are allowed to get our lunch at any point during First Lunch. Would you like to get food?"

"Not hungry," Virgil replied. "You go ahead, I'm just gonna wait here."

Logan nodded and got up to get in line. On his way there, a boy who was most likely in 8th grade but looked like he should've been in 10th stuck his foot out to trip Logan, but he hopped around it. He'd dealt with enough bullies to know how not to fall for things like that.

"Hey, Four Eyes, you think you're better than me or something?" The boy stood up in his seat.

Logan ignored him and got in line for lunch.

Suddenly his shoulder was being whipped around. The kid, a head taller than Logan, was standing in his face. "Hey, dumbass, I asked you a question. You think you're better than me or something?"

Logan just stared at him with the same serious, bored expression on his face. He tried to shrug out from under the boy's grip on his shoulder to no effect.

"Answer me, ya little shit!"

"Just chill out, Remus," someone called from behind him. The boy (Remus?) turned around.

"Butt out, Ro."

"No, seriously. You're holding up the lunch line!"

The other boy (Ro?) pointed to the kids waiting behind Remus. Logan managed to pull out of Remus's grasp and turn around to see that the lunch line had moved forward significantly while Logan had been preoccupied.

"Fine," Remus snarled, whacking Logan in the back of the head for reasons unknown to him before stalking back to his table. Logan readjusted his glasses and glared after him for a second before moving ahead and getting his lunch.

Virgil freaked when Logan got back. "What the hell was that?!" he cried, looking frantically between Logan and Remus's table across the dining hall. "Why'd he pick you out like that?!"

Logan simply sighed and set down his tray. "That is called a bully. I don't know if you've noticed them before, but I am forced to deal with them quite often. That is one of the reasons why I didn't enjoy leaving our old dwelling– bullies always ensue. There's nothing I can do about them."

"God, Lo, I've never seen you actually get picked on like that. I got really scared for a second there." Virgil tugged on his sleeves some more.

"Virgil, take deep breaths. I am alright. There is no sense in worrying about me. The event is over." Logan started eating his lunch, Chicken Alfredo with a side salad. The food was better than the food at the previous school had been.

"Hey, Four Eyes!" Logan sighed as he watched Remus approach their table. He stopped behind Virgil. "Who's this Emo Nightmare? Your boyfriend?"

Homophobia. How charming. "He's my brother—" Logan started, but Virgil cut him off.

"Hey, how about you just go shove it up your ass. Oh wait, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Logan heard a couple "ooooh's" from the tables around him.

"Oh boy, you're just asking to get your nose broken, punk." Remus's smirk had melted into a snarl.

Virgil stood up. Remus was still a couple inches taller than he was. "Do it. My father would ruin you and your family. Do it, I dare you."

Remus glared. "Watch your back, ass hat. I'm coming for you." And with that he turned around and walked away.

"What a moron," Virgil muttered, sitting back down.

"You should not have gotten involved, Virgil. He's just going to pick on both of us now."

"Good. It'd give me a reason to rat him out to D. He'd ruin that guy's whole family in a day."

Logan furrowed his brow but didn't say anything. The two spent the rest of their lunch period in silence.

Social studies, Math, English, Phy Ed. The rest of the day went by in a blur. Logan excited the school building at 3:06, 6 minutes after seventh hour had ended, and began looking for D's car.

Once insider the car in his seat behind Virgil, D asked them both, "How was your first day?"

Virgil grunted. "Definitely coulda gone better. I just wanna go home."

D frowned down at him as he pulled out onto the street. "Is it a bad school? I paid quite a bit for you two to get in."

"It's the people, not the school," Virgil clarified, looking out the window. "Everyone at that school is an ass."

"Do not use that kind of language, Virgil," D scolded. "Are you being bullied?"

"No," Logan and Virgil replied at once. D glanced back at Logan in the mirror before looking back down at the road.

"If you're being bullied, I wouldn't hesitate to take action against whoever's bugging you, you know," D reminded them both.

"I am almost certain that Virgil scared the boy away," Logan said. "There's no need for intervention."

D nodded. "Just let me know. No one messes with a Bowman."

[thechildoflightning]

No pressure to answer this ask bc it's an uncomfy subject but was there something like a 'school' in the cult virgil was in? Being in there for so long when he was so young mustve made him a bit behind in terms of learning curves and all that. I know school was probably the least of his worries during his time there and once he got out but I cant help but be curious on how he got back into the education system?? I couldnt even imagine tbh

There was no real “school” as there weren’t nearly enough kids for one, nor did they really care. On the other hand, they did have “teachings” which were generally those of a cult mindset which included a lot of manipulation to believing certain things and ideals. Because of this, Virgil definitely kept up with things like reading, writing, and such. He didn’t learn any math and the science he was taught was from a cultist point of view so it had large areas missing from his education. History- besides the cults own- was also not taught, nor were any mainstream holidays celebrated. He also learned Latin, because a cult isn’t a cult without an education in Latin. (My poor attempt at a joke, pls ignore).

So pretty much, leaving the cult Virgil is age 13- the equivalent of late 7th grade. At this time he has about a 3rd grade level in math, a science level that doesn’t exist and is missing huge gaps, and a 7th grade reading and writing level. He also has a bunch of random history stuff with huge pieces missing that also can’t really be tracked.

This became way way longer than I thought it would so I added a break.

After getting out of the cult, Virgil lives at home for a while, but pretty soon after he has his first suicide attempt and lands himself in an inpatient facility which eventually sends him to a long term treatment center focused on helping teens with PTSD (often times child trafficking, abuse, kidnapping, etc).

He spends about two/three months there before transferring to a different and more generalized long term treatment center.

For the first few months there its pretty much only focused on his immediate recovery and how to help him. Once he starts to improve, but isn’t anywhere near ready to go home (around 3-4 months in) they start adding school and getting him back to a level that will (hopefully) allow him to be enrolled in school once he leaves. Most kids are in school where he is, but Virgil’s an outlier case where it’s more trying to catch him up to get him closer to a base level for his age. When he does leave the facility he’s still behind in math and history, but pretty much caught up in science. English and writing were never really an issue. Is he amazing at them? No. But he is competent enough for it not be a focus.

He goes straight into eighth grade year with classes at the lowest academic standard to still be considered eighth grade year. He has tons of accommodations on his side to help him, including tutoring, extra time, and being able to retake tests.. The good news is that eighth grade doesn’t really matter, the point is just to prepare him for high school which will matter if he decides he wants to graduate and/or go to college. That next summer is a continuation of helping him catch up.

After is high school. With pretty much all this in place, Virgil does okay. Okay meaning not great and there’s still a lot of stuff he’s struggling with, but he does pass freshmen year. Mostly low grades, with an outlier B+ in English that he is very proud about. The rest of high school follows in a similar way, and some of his grades do pick up. He generally does good in his English and History courses, does okay in math, and does just well enough in science to pass. He gets out of foreign language classes by passing some Latin tests- the only useful school tool the cult provided him with. He passes high school with a gpa that’s good enough to go to a made up college in Florida. (Common misconception- you don’t need a 3.8-4.0+ gpa to go to college. Average grades are totally fine for so many schools. Community colleges are also a great choice if you are struggling with grades).

Basically, Virgil, like many of is, is a smart kid who can learn. The problem is that many places don’t provide proper accommodations/assistance to people and they slip through the cracks and get labelled as “problem children” or “stupid” or “dumb”. (ie. Logan, who to many people’s surprise had a horrible gpa. And many detentions). The only reason Virgil doesn’t slip through is because his issues are so freaking prominent and his dad is Really Good.

Virgil in college takes a summer credit or two ever year to help lower his course load during the school year. He also does eventually get his master, which he takes more time with than most. Plus, his college is really good with providing support to help him through rougher times, especially his sophomore year around The Trial.

Also, to clarify, Virgil was held back a year. Though I’m not sure it was held back more as restarting school a year late? I dunno. He is a year behind the majority of his age group.

Unrelated to literal schooling- being in a cult has also set Virgil behind in emotional learning- which is especially vital for young children. The main thing that helps with this is when he was sent away to long term treatment. But it can really go a lot of ways, sometimes he seems much more emotionally mature because of the things he’s been through but in other ways he is still very behind. This is one of the big reasons he still has lots of trouble predicting his own panic attacks and trauma spirals. (Which is one of Trixie’s big jobs). He also has a lot of issues around authority figures because he was taught to act very different than most children around them (plus- huge trauma around authority figures).

This ended up being so long omg but hopefully it was what you were looking for.

[lovetianaheffernanblog-blog]

English 001B

Tiana Heffernan

Mr. Goldweber

HW 3

25 April 2019

Reflection

When I was a kid in elementary school first learning English in school, I remember not fully comprehending and understanding the simple fundamentals. The basic rules like: adding apostrophes, using commas, and learning conjunctions, are just the few things that were hard to pick up at a young age. I can recall that I just went along with whatever the teacher was teaching the whole class, as if I was going through the motions. I should also keep in mind that I was shy and scared raising my hand in front of the class. Unfortunately this didn't help me improve my skill in  english and affect how I write as a writer as of today.

As time went by to about middle school, the most I can remember was reading assigned books throughout the year and having a test of selected chapters. Many students including myself, felt like the main motivation to actually read was because our grade literally depended on it and it made us read. Around that 7th and 8th grade level, I feel like only way for a students to read was to assign reading books that the teacher selected for the class to read together. This definitely limited our freedom and choice to discover books that interest us. Imagine reading a book that bores you, it’s like pulling teeth! If we were to choose our own book to read, I’m absolutely confident that we would appreciate reading more.

Next mildstone of learning English is in high school- teachers once again assigned class readings. I wish I knew why teachers thought that making students to read a book instead of them selecting a book that interested them was a good idea. Not only I feel like it wasn’t interesting to me, to read a book I had to read, but it limited my interest to me find my own taste in English.

Last semester in the fall I took English 001A and I felt like this course was more beneficial than the previous years I have had English. My experience taking this class opened my eyes to see where was I really at as a writer. Going over the short reading in “Elements of Argument,” helped me pick different authors styles like: tone, figurative language, diction, claims, and so much other styles I learned to notice. I also enjoyed reviewing the specific structure of writing like conjunctions, prepositions, and interjections. The little details of style of writing is such a huge affect as a whole. When I did my homework and the essays that was assigned, I became more aware to use more styles in my writing. Moreover, the lectures during class were definitely helpful for me to understand the material more in depth.

Finally, trainsionting to my second semester from English 001B prepared me for the similar skills I learned the previous semester. We started off the beginning of the first two weeks focusing on shakespeare, and we watched and read “A Midsummer Night's Dream”. The last time I actually read shakespeare was my freshman year of high school, being able to go over his work again really fun and amusing his unique style of writing. Not only did we reference to “Elements of Argument”, but also “The Well-Crafted Sentence” was used throughout the class. Using these two book was beneficial for me to look into writing skill and learning how to use different tools of English. I feel like we did more in class activities working with the book, “The Well-Crafted Sentence” and it helped us brainstorm in groups and still comprehend the objectives.