#in case you need the debrief: I write about the future after the show ends and in that future these two are dating

[hellolulu]

Part 1 | Part 2 | Morning

[jokerscrazybrilliant]

Survive - Chapter 1 - (Captain Rex)

Idk why I'm so nervous to post this lol, but I'm new here, anyhow, I've been re-watching Clone Wars and re-fawning over the incredible Captain Rex, so um, here's the maybe beginning to something? I kind of don't know how to judge my own writing so I hope this isn't totally sucky lol..

ANYHOW CHAPTER 1 !! XD

Also out now:

Chapter 2 · Chapter 3 · Chapter 4

Story on other platforms:

AO3 · Quotev

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sur·vive /sərˈvīv/ verb Continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship. Similar: live · continue · remain · last · persist · endure · persevere · abide · linger · exist · be • continue to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal). • remain alive after the death of (a particular person). • manage to keep going in difficult circumstances.

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Darkness. Everywhere. Not just a lack of light, but the feeling of being lost and directionless, the great darkness that spread endlessly in every direction. And I was alone in it, unable to watch my step, I stumbled over my feet as I ran. Run. Run. RUN.

“MASTER!” The shout tore itself from my throat painfully as I shot up in bed, sweating and in a panic. Breathing heavily, I put a hand to my chest, feeling my heart pounding painfully rapidly. I tried to control my breathing as I blinked away tears, making my way to the refresher, the bright lights of Coruscant’s horizon making their way into the room through the window.

The shower helped calm me down and I got dressed in my tan and brown jedi robes, making my way to the balcony to meditate until sunrise.

Today the council would be informing me of their decision on my future. When I lost my master so close to being ready to take my tests to be knighted, the council was unsure of which path would be best for me. To assign me as a Padawan to a new master or to get me to take the tests early, neither seemed an easy option. I took a deep breath and let my mind quiet as I felt the force flow through and around me. Whatever may come would be for the best, I just had to keep my mind open and accept things as they were.

***

Standing there in front of the council, most of what was said passed around me in a haze. All of the comments on how what had happened was unfortunate, but the force willed it so, the comments on how it would make me a stronger Jedi to learn patience detachment and strength from this particular trial. While this was all true, I wasn’t in a place where I wanted to hear these words. I just wanted to know what their decision was so I could carry on without thinking about what happened.

“-so we believe that it would be best if you served under another Jedi master, not necessarily as his Padawan, but just to gain some more experience before you are ready to take the tests for your knighthood. And you would also be assisting him in leading his battalion and helping him plan strategies for key missions. This is a great opportunity, so I hope that you will make the best of it, and I’m sure you will, we have faith in you Nimra.”

“Thank you Master Windu,” I bowed my head to him respectfully. “Might I ask to which Jedi Master I am being assigned?”

At my question a half smile and a nearly playful twinkle appeared in the Master’s eye. “Anakin Skywalker. He is a very skilled Jedi, and things would certainly never be dull.”

I gave a slight smile in response and bowed once more to the council. “Thank you for the opportunity masters, I will do my best to make you proud.” With that I made my exit, sagging slightly once the door closed behind me.

Master Skywalker, huh? I had met him a few times with my previous master on certain missions, and Master Windu’s comment made perfect sense to me. Things would certainly be interesting, but I was just hoping to keep my head down and get through the next few months with him until I could take my tests.

***

He was late. This was a wonderful start. He was late, and he was arriving in an old trash pile of a ship, one that looked like it was found in a junkyard on an outer-rim moon somewhere. “Nimra!” He called my name joyfully as he made his way down the ramp with a small blue astromech and a young orange skinned Togruta following him.

“Master Skywalker.” I bowed my head respectfully and gave him a small smile.

“I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to your master. He was a great Jedi Master and it’s truly a loss to the republic and the Jedi Order.”

“Thank you, Master.”

“Of course. I’d like you to meet my Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, Snips this is Nimra Sayla.” I bowed my head to the padawan as well and she returned it with a smile. “Nimra will be joining us for a while, and we will be lucky to have her, I’ve fought on the battlefield with her, and she is a force to be reckoned with.”

“You’re too kind, Master.”

“You’re nearly knighted yourself Nim, stop calling me that would ya?” He laughed at my formality, and I gave a small chuckle myself.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Master – Master Diya thought highly of professionalism and formalities.” I kept the smile even though saying my old Master’s name caused a sharp stinging pain in my heart. Anakin put his hand on my shoulder and gave me an understanding smile, which I appreciated immensely.

“Well, we should get going if we’re going to make the rendezvous with the rest of the fleet.” Anakin turned to climb back up the ramp before the astromech gave a series of agitated beeps at the Jedi. “Oh, you’re right, how could I forget. This, is R2-D2.” He laughed as he introduced the droid to me, it beeping appreciatively and spinning it’s head around slightly.

“Hello R2-D2, it’s nice to meet you.” I gave the droid a grin as we all made our way into the ship, me biting my tongue as not to comment on how this junk pile would possibly make the trip through hyperspace.

***

“Home sweet home.” Anakin commented as we made our way into the hangar of his Jedi cruiser we had met up with.

“Welcome back, General.” A clone trooper with the blue paint of the 501st met us as we descended. He was holding his helmet under his left arm, and he had buzzed bleached hair, with no other specific markings unlike many clones who chose to tattoo themselves or get very unique haircuts to set them apart from their comrades. Of course, being someone with the force, I could feel the energy signatures within people rather than just seeing their outsides, and that had always helped keep track of the clones, who while they had the same DNA, each had their own very different and unique personalities. “I see we’ve picked up a new recruit?”

“Thank you, and yes, Captain Rex, meet Nimra Sayla.” Anakin introduced us, gesturing his hands between us before focusing on an information disc R2 was giving him.

“Nice to meet you General.” The Captain gave me a salute.

“Oh, no, not quite. I’m not actually a Jedi Knight yet.” I gave him a slightly sheepish smile.

“Ah, sorry about that Commander.”

“That’s quite alright.”

“You’re not a padawan but also not a knight yet?” Ahsoka inquired from beside me.

“Uh, no, not yet. My master, he died before I could take my tests, so I’m going to complete my remaining trainings here with you until I can take them.” I was acutely aware of the pity entering Ahsoka’s eyes, but thankfully the clone did not show that same emotion, rather just a slight understanding of my situation.

“Sorry to hear that Sir.” Rex said, still standing at attention.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too.” Ahsoka said sweetly.

“It’s really okay, but thank you.”

“Alright, me and Ahsoka have to go prepare a debrief, and discuss how when I say ‘let’s go’, it means ‘let’s go’, and not ‘take your time Ahsoka’.” I chuckled at Anakin’s words.

“But Master, if I hadn’t stayed as long as we needed, we would’ve never gotten the information we needed!” She retorted, pointing at the disc in his hand.

“Yeah yeah, that’s not the point, Snips. Anyway, Rex, can you show Nimra around and to her quarters please?”

“Yes, of course Sir.” The captain saluted again and then turned to me as Anakin and Ahsoka walked away, still bickering.

“Are they always like that?” I asked, small smile still on my face.

“Yes Sir, for the most part.” His response made me turn to look at him in the eyes, serious expression taking over my features.

“I will do whatever it takes, whatever it takes, to get you to stop calling me that.” The moment he recognized my joking, some of his seriousness dissolved, and a small half smile appeared on his face.

“Whatever it takes?” He inquired, arching an eyebrow.

“I will personally make the trip to the end of the galaxy and back, on THAT scrap pile, with an agitated blurrg as my copilot, just to get you to stop calling me ‘sir’.” I pointed at Anakin’s ship behind me, serious expression never cracking even as I gained a full smile from the captain, which made my heart warm slightly.

“Well in that case, Commander.”

“That’s not any better!” I exclaimed, laughing as he grinned at me.

“Shall we begin the tour?” He offered, arm outstretched in the direction we would begin with.

“Yes, Captain.” My grin remained as he began to show me around. This will be interesting indeed.

[crystalessenceswrites]

Heyyy I wanted to submit a f!reader x commander wolffe request. I was wondering if you could do #18 ("Are you wearing my shirt?") and #13 ("Touch yourself for me.") from your smut prompt list (or one or the other or both in one fic ahah srry if its a lot to ask)? Anyways, I love your work thanksss~

Thank you lovely!! Means a lot to hear folks are enjoying my writing!! Two prompts is totally fine and thanks for these two, they worked really well together. I hope you enjoy!

Sorry for the wait on the follower celebration requests all, writers block decided to hit at the worst possible time.

Commander Wolffe x fem!reader Rating: E (18+) Warnings: explicit sexual content, masturbation, fingering, very light d/s tones, praise kink if you squint, Wolffe is a smug ass

Another cycle another credit. Well, that would be the case if any of you were getting paid for fighting in this Maker forsaken war. Instead, you and the rest of the Order traversed the battlefields in the name of peace, surrounded by men born and bred to fight and die for the Republic. The harsh reality of it all was beginning to rub you raw, leaving you with a pounding headache as you stalk away from the bridge. Anger. Frustration. Desperation. Emotions not befitting of a jedi. Emotions that leave you reeling.

It is automatic. Returning to your own quarters does not even cross your mind. You find yourself keying in the code to your commanders’ quarters through muscle memory. The one place in the universe where you can find solace these days with the one person who understands. Your mood drops a little more when you find the small space empty. He had left the debrief on the bridge before you, so you’d assumed he’d be waiting. You’d seen the recognition flash in his golden eye during the meeting, he well knew what kind of mood had settled over you. Hopefully, he wouldn’t leave you alone for too long.

With a sigh you start to shed your layers across the small space. Boots at the foot of his bunk. Plastoid bracers on the desk next to his neatly stacked holopads. Robes over the back of the chair. Clones don’t truly own anything but what Wolffe did have to call his own was always well kept. Armor cleaned and polished after every mission. Blasters maintained at the end of the day. His greys hang perfectly pressed in the closet, just in case. His two extra pairs of blacks folded with an unnatural precision. A precision you promptly destroy when you go digging though his trunk. Even after an industrial wash cycle his shirts still smells like him. If you could not have him right now, his clothes would have to suffice.

The oversized article does soothe some of the raging storm in your head. Climbing into his bunk you try to let the silence lull you into something akin to meditation, a half-hearted attempt to sort through your emotions like they taught you back at the temple. It was so much simpler back then without the future of the galaxy hanging in the balance. Before you considered breaking every rule for him. Maker how your world had flipped upside down since this war started.

Lost in your mind you do not catch the hiss of the door sliding open or the heavy footsteps cross the small room. The deep rumbling voice though, that snaps everything into place.

“Mesh’la, are you wearing my shirt?”

You’re not sure why he asks, there’s no denying it when you’re sitting in his bunk in nothing but his shirt and your underthings. Wide-eyed you nod up at him, toying with the hem resting across your thighs.

“Stealing my things now, cyare?”

Well, you would not call it that, “borrowing.”

The corner of his lip quirks up as his gaze stays pinned on you. It was nice to see him in such a good mood. Hopefully it would rub off. “For some reason I don’t believe you,” he chuckles.

You pout, though Wolffe is not fazed in the slightest. Not that a big lip and doe-eyes ever fazed him. He could be as stoic as he needed to be when he was in the mood to tease. And judging by the smirk growing on his lips he was more than in the mood.

“Tell me, cyare, why exactly are you “borrowing” my shirt?” setting down his bucket he pulls a chair up so he’s sitting across from you, eye trained on your curled up figure.

“I missed you.”

He flashes that smirk again, “oh really?”

You nod, watching him grow smug.

“Then why don’t you show me how much you missed me? Touch yourself for me.”

Heat rushes over you at Wolffe’s command. The things this man could do to you with a few words and a look. Biting your lip, one hand drags down your stomach, a small attempt to tease the commander for a moment as you toy with the hem of your panties.

Wolffe grunts and holds out his hand, “give them here.”

With another doe-eyed nod you slide the damp garment off, placing it in his waiting grasp.

“Good girl. Now show me that pretty pussy, cyare.”

Shifting back so you’re leaning against the wall you spread your legs wide, giving Wolffe an unobstructed view of you now sopping slit. His unabashed groan sends shivers down your spine.

“Go on, touch yourself for me.”

He does not have to tell you twice. With one hand you drag your fingers through your folds, coming up to circle your pearl. With the other you paw at your chest through his blacks, twisting and pinching your nipples just like Wolffe liked to do. It does not take long for the coil to build deep in your core. Wolffe’s heated gaze only turns you on that much more. He follows every movement, every gasp that falls from your lips, every touch that has you squirming under your own ministrations. Slipping one finger, then two, into your aching hole has him humming in quiet appreciation. Your head falls back against the wall as you reach so desperately for that spot to relieve the pressure.

“What’s wrong, cyare?” he smirks, leaning forward as if he needs a better vantage to watch you whimper from, “can’t cum?”

No, you can’t. Your fingers have nothing on his thick digits. No matter how you try you cannot seem to fill yourself the way he does. “Please, Wolffe. In need you.”

His grin is downright feral as he stalks towards the bed. With one swift movement the clone has you pinned beneath him; legs spread as he swats your hand away. Without preamble he plunges two fingers as deep as he can reach while his thumb attacks your clit. Everything about his touch is overwhelming and you gladly surrender, mouth dropped open in a silent scream as he brushes up against the spot you’d been so desperate to find.

“Look at you, mesh’la,” he murmurs, lips brushing over the shell of your ear, “so greedy for my fingers. Taking me so deep.”

“Oh fuck, Wolffe!”

His mouth trails hot and heavy down the column of your throat, nipping and kissing the soft skin as he continues to wreck you with his fingers. You’re helpless to do anything but grip onto his shoulder, nails digging into scarred skin as you pant and writhe beneath him.

“Think you can take another, cyare?”

The thought alone has you whimpering for him. “Y-yes.”

“Good girl,” he growls, adding a third digit at your weeping entrance.

The stretch alone sends you straight to the edge, the coil in your belly ready to snap and plumet you into bliss. “Wolffe- I’m gonna-”

“Do it,” he presses all three fingers against the spongy spot inside you with a come-hither motion, finally breaking the damn, “cum all over my fingers, ner jetii.”

White hot pleasure rolls over you in wave after wave as you flutter around his fingers. Wolffe doesn’t pause for a moment, continuing his thrust as you ride out the high. Always relentless in prolonging your pleasure. He does not pull away until you’re boneless and speechless.

“That wouldn’t have anything to do with why you missed me, now would it?”

Smug bastard. Rolling your eyes, you attempt to squirm away from his hold.

“Ah ah-” Wolffe clicks his tongue, refusing to let you escape- “I still gotta show you how much I missed you, cyare.”

[cybernaght]

Guardian rewatch: episode 12

We start the episode in the Snake Tribe territory, which is supposedly still somewhere within the confines of the Dragon City. It is baffling that it took citizens of this place so long to figure out that there are mysterious beings and demi-humans living among them, it truly is.

While the scene is mostly centred around the conflict between Zhu Hong and her tribe, and the ominous warning of the war brewing, it also does a really lovely joy of showcasing, yet again, the fierce loyalty not only she, but Guo Changcheng have to the SID. This boy remains the most precious muffin of a human.

At the SID, Sang Zan is learning to write under a loving watchful eye Wang Zheng. The once fierce and ruthless warlord is now the softest archivist. On a separate note, I am not sure how good of an archivist he might be considering that he is evidently illiterate.

Anyway, it’s heart-warming to see those two happy together. I sure hope nothing terrible happens to them in the future.

Our actual power couple, on the other hand, have done a full reversal into the relationship they had in the beginning; only it’s somehow even worse now. Shen Wei, who properly messed his cover up during the last adventure, has his guard up as he is being questioned in relation to a case. Zhao Yunlan, who grew to see this man as a friend and partner, is no longer amused by secrets, nor intrigued by them. He is now furious at their existence, upset at what he must perceive as lack of trust on Shen Wei’s part.

Shen Wei serves Zhao Yunlan a cup of tea with a side order of avoidance, hoping that by ignoring the subject of himself it will go away.

When in the previous scenes together they were always across the desk from each other, or next to each other, leaning in closely, body language open, there is now a rift between them. It’s awkward; neither of the men want to be here, but their needs are the opposite to each other, and neither of them are willing to back down.

Shen Wei goes on explaining in great detail his connection to the case and to the victim, despite Zhao Yunlan’s attempt to change the subject with a very unsubtle, “your body surely recovered fast”. The latter then proceeds to stubbornly talk about Shen Wei’s archaic ways, which earns him an incredulous “Are you even listening to me?” from the professor. The incredulity is wonderfully misjudged, considering the circumstances.

“I only want to hear you tell the truth”

We rarely see Zhao Yunlan open and vulnerable. I can’t off the top of my head remember him ever being open and vulnerable with anyone who is not Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan operates on false bravado, aggressive charm, weaponised smiles. But with this man, he purposefully lowers his guard. I trust you, he seems to say, and I always have. Why can you not trust me?

Shen Wei gulps.

He then continues talking about the case, which is the last straw for Zhao Yunlan, who explodes, smacking his palm hard on the desk.

Shen Wei startles, looking hurt. I just… don’t understand what he was expecting. Once again, this is a man who, from Shen Wei’s perspective, has unmasked him on the first day they met. This is a man who has been poking and prodding him for weeks. And I get that it is hurtful when someone you care about does not respect your boundaries, I do, but truly honestly hoping that the same someone will just accept the relationship terms that have never even been discussed is a little bit unrealistic, especially when Shen Wei is not divulging anything.

Shen Wei is bad at communicating. Which is, I suppose, not news to anyone.

“It seems that Chief Zhao still hasn’t given up on suspecting me.”

“Not suspicion, but lack of understanding.”

Zhao Yunlan is trying very hard. He is trying to close the rift between them: by pulling the chair over next to Shen Wei’s and settling down on it, by reminding Shen Wei how much they have been through together, by telling the man that he is being perplexing. Shen Wei, on the other hand, has raised his barriers all the way back up, smoothly explaining that he is just a normal man who ends up being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He has got a polite smile playing on his lips, his mask fully in place.

Zhao Yunlan does not even pretend to have believed Shen Wei, he gives up on the conversation with a dejected “Fine, forget it.”

He makes his excuses and pulls his phone out to make a call to Wang Zheng to check up on the rest of the team. Just as that happens, the SID gets attacked by the magical sound waves, and Zhao Yunlan sprints into action.

Shen Wei calls after him, and then asks to come with. Considering they have just spent some very awkward time together, more or less fighting about Shen Wei lying an awful lot, Zhao Yunlan would be well within his moral rights to reject help. He doesn’t, however. Even now, the trust he has in Shen Wei  - in his good intentions, in his friendship - is unwavering.

At the SID offices, Tan Xiao is using his sound device to get past the two ghosts energy beings, and break through the safety measures protecting the Hallows. In other news, apart from being susceptible from curses or poisons slipped through the letter box, the SID HQ also does not have anything that might stop a human from breaking into it. How those people survived for this long is a mystery.

A point of complete diversion from me: I am currency watching a contemporary drama entitled To Dear Myself. It’s about young professionals in Shanghai who get their lives broken in about ten different ways; Zhu Yilong’s the leading man; there will definitely be a lengthy think-piece on it here. But the reason I’m bringing that up here is that it also has Chen Weidong, the actor who plays Tan Xiao, as a contextually neurodivergent rich boyfriend of one of the protagonists.

It’s kind of surreal seeing him here; there’s only been about two years between the filming of those two shows, but he looks so different. Oh, and, he is very  good as well.

Back in the world of Guardian, we see Sang Zan shaking off the sound attack and attempting to stop Tan Xiao. He does not succeed as such, but manages to pull a string which activates the Indiana Jones-style set-up with loaded crossbows. It’s very silly; I kind of love it.

While evading the arrows, Sang Zan flings the Awl up in the air, Zhao Yunlan catches it. How close is the University to SID? He took about five minutes to get here! The chief gets a barrage of premonitions which include Zhu Hong knocked out in the future, as well as in the present, and a little sneak-peak into the Disaster Wedding incident.

He then proceeds to pass out into Shen Wei’s slow motion embrace.

There is nothing wrong with this. This is beautiful.

Shen Wei checks on Yunlan briefly, but Tan Xiao goes on the offensive, which deserves him: a) a shot of dark energy right into his chest, which flings him across the space, b) the meanest of Hei Pao Shi’s death glares. This is the moment Tan Xiao earns an uncharacteristically rough treatment he’s going to get at the end of this episode.

She Wei carefully places unconscious Zhao Yunlan next to the wall, calling out his name. We can only presume that the lab has a second exit, as Tan Xiao manages to get away despite the two men currently being more or less in the doorway.

An indeterminate amount of time passes, and Zhao Yunlan wakes on the sofa, Da Qing in human form miaowing at him, his team and Shen Wei nearby. The team goes into a full debrief mode: Wang Zheng reports that she is generally able to repel sound waves, but was taken by surprise; Da Qing and Lin Jin speculate about the shield being affected by the waves as well, since an apparent Undergrounder managed to get through it.

Zhao Yunlan notes that the sound waves ability seems to be doubled, and used for both attack and suggestion. He notes that the powers can be numerous, while grinning conspiratorially at Shen Wei.

Shen Wei quietly despairs. He probably genuinely thought that this conversation was truly over. He takes a few seconds to come to terms with Zhao Yunlan actually teasing him about him maybe being an Undergrounder, before composing himself and stating that compound abilities don’t actually exist.

Da Qing, who doesn’t necessarily pick up what this conversation really is about, but does note that *something* is up with those two, comes to his own conclusions, asking Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan to stop flirting.

Lin Jing comes up up with this.

“Comrades!”

Thank you, Viki subbers, for notifying the audience that the word “Comrade” is also a slang for “gay”.

Lin Jing springs to his feet, saying that he needs a sample test of a human consciousness - presumably to create that clever brain chip of him which would make one immune to the wound wave powers. Zhao Yunlan very theatrically feigns a big scary headache to see whether Shen Wei would volunteer to take the test in his stead to spare him the pain. It’s an underhand move, but it works nonetheless.  

We briefly return to the Snake Tribe, or, more specifically to Zhu Hong’s Fourth Uncle asking whether she is still mad at him, while she is forcibly restrained and bound to a pillar. What is it with this show and binding people to pillars? In reality, the one bound to a pillar is actually Guo Changcheng, which the Fourth Uncle doesn’t pick up on even through Xiao Guo is not actually wearing the clothes Zhu Hong arrived in. Zhu Hong springs the trap, plies her uncle with the same wine, and then goes to regroup with the others, leaving Xiao Guo behind for the time being, because, I guess, it makes more sense for Zhu Hong to be alone when she gets hypnotised later in the episode.

Honestly, it’s easier to not think about too much about this scene, so let’s return to the main characters.

Lin Jing is just finishing the experiment on Shen Wei, who is lying on the lab bed in his undershirt, seemingly asleep. I would assume that Shen Wei has gone into some kind of a meditative trance to try and affect the way his own brain works and emulate the human activity. He does not stir when Zhao Yunlan walks over, and call him.

“Shen Wei? Professor Shen?”

Having received no response, Zhao Yunlan leans in to…

... Count this man’s eye lashes? Admire the effects of his skincare routine?

Oh, no, sorry. Here’s the excuse.

Thank you, Guardian, for this moment.

As Shen Wei wakes up and rises, he lets Zhao Yunlan know in no uncertain terms that he did see through his ruse.

“You don’t have a headache anymore?”

This snaps Yunlan out of gazing at Shen Wei with barely contained lust to pretend that his head indeed still hurts. Considering that Shen Wei does not look concerned, and knowing that Zhao Yunlan’s health and well-being is his number one priority in life, we can conclude that he did know that a headache was just an excuse to get Shen Wei out of his shirt check Shen Wei’s brain activity. Our professor collects his things and leaves with a brief goodbye.

Lin Jing is staring at the readings, checking that the computer has worked properly. Noticing that something is wrong, Zhao Yunlan asks, “Did you see live pornography in his head or something?” Not that I blame his for his mind being the gutter, but also, wow Zhao Yunlan’s mind is in the gutter.

Lin Jing dismisses the idea of mind reading as a whole, and shares his findings that Shen Wei’s consciousness was unwavering, like a dead man’s. Unfortunately for Shen Wei, whatever it was that he did to appear human has not worked well at all.

Zhao Yunlan smirks.

Outside of the SID building, Shen Wei is still frozen in place, contemplating his future actions as he is thumping the Pendant of Pining.

“Should I tell him after all?”

Yes, Shen Wei, you should.

“If I tell him, will that put him in danger?”

I am afraid the the good ship Zhao Yunlan Being In Danger sailed the day Zhao Yunlan became Lord Guardian and Chief of the SID.

(Am I again getting unreasonably frustrated with a fictional character of a show that aired several years ago? You bet I am.)

What follows in the episode is a brief interlude of Zhu Jiu being horrible to Tan Xiao, and making inappropriate comments about him and Zheng Yi. We also learn some of Tan Xiao’s backstory, which expands on his character and explains that the reasons he felt so protective of the little girl was because she reminded him of a sister he once had.

Back to SID offices.

Zhao Yunlan is doodling Shen Wei and the Envoy as he tries to reconcile the two in his mind.

It does sound like he still has doubts that the two are the same person, despite the overwhelming pile of evidence that made him draw to this conclusion in the first place. If anything, it is quite surprising that it took him this long to figure out that the enigmatic mysterious handsome professor and the enigmatic mysterious handsome Envoy are the same person. It is also curious that he seems to think the Envoy is much taller.

Da Qing watches his friend’s mental agony in absolute bewilderment.

Very shortly, they will get a ping for the sound wave energy from somewhere close to Zhu Hong’s home and rush to the scene to find that Zhu Hong has, indeed, been put under mind control, as she attacks Chu Shuzhi.

Here’s another piece of fight choreography for me to tear into.

Okay, good things first. I really like that the actors are doing their own fighting. Jiang Mingyang is generally looking good in combat, and his reactions continue to be on point. Gao Yuer is very flexible, and her kicks are great.

The fight itself however, is another example of the time/money constraints.

The opening punch is… fine. They do lock arms for a split second, which indicates that Zhu Hong properly swung that in rather than stopping the energy, but they are also out of distance, so safety-wise that’s okay-ish, and at full speed it looks alright . But the way Lao Chu is sticking his thumb out and then wraps that around Zhu Hong’s wrist just gave a full body shudder. This is how one gets they thumb dislocated (which I have never done myself, but I hear is very painful) and/or gives their partner a nasty bruise. For anyone out there who needs to hear this, if you ever perform a fight, please tuck your thumbs in line with your fingers and avoid hurting yourself and others. Doing otherwise adds nothing apart from a small but completely avoidable risk of injury.

Then there is this kick-punch-kick combination.

The three moves in isolation are good, but they don’t flow together, at all. I think, and this is pure speculation, that the sweeping punch in the middle was actually meant to follow the previous two moves, then the kick would come next, leading into Chu Shuzhi restraining Zhu Hong. That first kick (which is the same as the third kick, shot from a different angle) just does not belong there as a follow-up to the two punches. I can speculate that it was cut there because it looked cool - which it does - but it also sacrifices any hope this fight had for coherent storytelling.

Then there is a capture and a swivel, very similar to the finishing move used in Zhu Jiu/Sang Zan fight in episode 11. Zhu Hong gets pressed against the tree, and the team shows up to sedate her and bring her back to the headquarters.

Tan Xiao and Zheng Yi watch this scene unfold at a distance, as Zhao Yunlan appears behind them. The SID chief calmly lets Tan Xiao know that he’s been abandoned by Zhu Jiu, and the other man offers no resistance to being captured.

The narrative brings us to the boxing ring, introducing us to it as Zhu Jiu’s energy farm, and then briefly cuts to SID, where Chu Shuzhi realises that they have not retrieved Guo Changcheng. The puppet master springs into action, leaving Lin Jing to wonder since when his friend is so protective of the rookie. If he paid attention, he would have noticed that Chu Shuzhi was protective of the rookie since day one.  

We then move to the interrogation of Tan Xiao, which is happening in the hospital set, with Zheng Yi tucked into the hospital bed, even through it was never established that she would need medical attention, and, considering that she would have no issues walking out of the hospital very shortly, she clearly does not. Here, we see some more flashbacks, detailing Tan Xiao and the girl’s backstory, the abuse she suffered, and the bond the two forged. The young man is admitting to all the crimes he had not committed to protect her, and Zhao Yunlan is honestly moved. He sounds almost regretful when he lets Tan Xiao know that he will still be persecuted for his crimes.

Right on cue, Hei Pao Shi portals in.

Zhao Yunlan greets him with a customary “long time no see”, but the most acknowledgement he receives from Shen Wei is a side-eye which does not even focus on his face.

In fact, the Envoy is doing as much as he can to avoid even turning to Zhao Yunlan. He simply announces his purpose to the room in general and teleports Tan Xiao away. It’s easy to see what he is doing. In Shen Wei’s mind, the less communication he has with Zhao Yunlan as Hei Pao Shi, the better are his chances to separate his two personalities in the eyes of the other man. That said, showing an abrupt and uncharacteristic change of behaviour is the opposite of suspicious.

Even Da Qing notices the change Hei Pao Shi.

“Lao Zhao, what did you do to upset him? You used to do small talk, not anymore?”

Zhao Yunlan smirks, replying that he knows the reason why. He then notices the little girl crying, and goes to comfort her the only way he knows how, with a lollipop. When that does not work, he gestures for Da Qing to leave with him, and returns with a familiar black cat and an adorable “ta-dah”. It’s so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.

As this is going on, Hei Pao Shi is being his glorious over the top avenging self. For one, he is actually floating above Tan Xiao, which I don’t think he ever seen him do before. He then proceeds to throttle the young man, lifting him in the air and throwing him back on the ground.

He does so in order to shake the sound wave equipment out of him, sure, but it is easy to assume that Tan Xiao also brought the Envoy’s wrath onto himself by his misguided attempt to hurt Zhao Yunlan earlier that day. It’s deliciously petty; we know that the best way to earn Shen Wei’s ire is by threatening his companion. And, to be fair, Shen Wei had a bad day: this is as good a way as any to get some of that ancient anger out of his system.

As Hei Pao Shi realises that the man he arrested is a simple human armed with some clever technology, and the real homicidal Undergrounder is the girl he is protecting, so does Zhao Yunlan. Even miles away, even when they are having arguments, their analytical brains still work in sync. And, as plot twists go, this one is neat, albeit not entirely unpredictable.

Unfortunately, realising that the girl is dangerous, brings along a realisation that Zhao Yunlan left his friend in her care. He rushes to the hospital to check on Da Qing, finding the ward empty. If this was Zhu Jiu’s plan all along, it’s a good one: having access to a brainwashed SID member would also spell easy access to the headquarters and the Hallows - which is exactly where Zheng Yi leads Da Qing, taking the Hallows and leaving the Yashou to go into a berserk mode as he imagines or remembers Zhao Yunlan/Kunlun saying “I will abandon you”

Next up, episode 13: The Disaster Wedding.

——

Notes.

Every time Shen Wei lies my brain supplies me with Why You Always Lying song. Every. Single. Time. Which means I sing it a lot around the flat, to my partner’s great chagrin.

Whoooo boy and I thought the Episode 10 recap was the crackiest one I’ve done.

[imaginekhaos]

Look Me in the Eyes

NSFW

Pairing: Deku x Reader

Warings: unprotected sex, coercion, semi-public sex, dirty talking

Word Count: 3,911

This is my first time writing a fan fiction for BNHA and I’m really nervous. Any feedback is welcomed and I hope you enjoy. 

This is also really unedited so I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. 

* * * * * * *

Izuku Midoriya was many things. He was smart, determined and very kind. A flirt, however, he was not. You had developed a crush on Midoriya sometime around sophomore year, a few months into transferring to U.A. after your family's big move to Japan. It had started out harmless, a school girl crush with the intent of staying that way. You should have known better the second you met the girls of class 1-A and their giggling ways. Things took a deeper turn one night when you were all hanging out in Momo’s room, laughing, gossiping, and eating way too much junk food for your own good. The topic had naturally ended up on boys, specifically those in class 1-A. One thing lead to another and you eventually confessed your tiny crush on a certain green haired hero-to-be. Oh how you wish it had stopped there that night, but getting a group of girls together always ends up eventful.

“So,” Mina started mischievously from beside you, “who do you think is the most… endowed… of all the boys?”

The question caused many mouths to fall open at the abruptness but pretty soon thoughtful faces coated the entire room.

Mina continued, “I wouldn’t be too surprised if it were Kiri. He’s polite, manly and cute, so if he had a big dick it would just complete the package. No pun intended.”

Laughs rang out along with a few agreements from the other girls. Eyes trailed to your form sitting next to Mina, waiting for you to spill your thoughts. Heat engulfed your face, never expecting to have to answer this question.

“What about you, [Y/N]? Any particular green-haired, freckle-faced person come to mind?” Jiro teased.

“I-I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it before. Seems kinda r-rude, doesn’t it?” Stuttering your way through an explanation, hoping to diffuse the situation and detract attention from yourself.

Jiro rolled her eyes at your lame answer. Uraraka then chose to speak up in a voice barely above a whisper, “I bet he’s big… “ The blush on her cheeks was so dark that is was only outmatched by the one across your cheeks due to the thoughts that were running through your head. The rest of the night was spent laughing and spilling more secrets. It brought you all much closer as not only friends but as a new class of heroes.

Though the night went on as a festive blur, one remark in particular kept repeating in your head the next few days. Thoughts of hard muscle juxtaposed with soft skin and tufts of green hair. Thoughts of hot sweaty bodies intimately colliding. It was all too much! But, it was all in your head. No one knew the kind of lewd scenarios playing out in your mind. Especially Izuku. So, since he wasn’t much of a flirt, you weren’t surprised when he never noticed how bright your cheeks burned when his friendly touches lingered a little longer or how his eyes managed to make you feel so exposed when he studied you during training. Even if he had noticed he had been kind enough not to say something, no matter how bad you sometimes wished he would.

* * * * * * *

The last two years of high school went along without much of a hitch. As a class, you helped dismantle any trouble you came across and under the guidance of professional heros, you all managed to blossom into a promising new generation of heros. But with graduation comes separation. Many of the class broke off to find the region where they would be most helpful. Asui managed to snag a perfect placement on the coast, assisting in storm and water rescue while other students like Kaminari and Iida found agencies that had them doing all kinds of hero work. Even though you never left the area after graduation, you still found the perfect agency for you. It was small in comparison to some of the more well known ones, but they often assisted other agencies when short staffed or needed specialized help, so you couldn’t complain. Plus, all the other heroes were nice and very helpful when it came to learning on the job. It wasn’t until two years into the new job that the first real problem arose.

* * * * * * *

Slamming your fist on your desk you let out an aggravated groan. Tonight was a bust. There had been a new villain terrorizing the area around your agency for a few weeks now. They were strong, fast and impossibly hard to capture, always managing to escape their bonds before the could be truly apprehended. It made you so damn mad and made you feel like an awful hero because you couldn’t capture a single villain. You run your hands across your face and through your hair before rubbing your tired eyes. It had been too long since you had any quality sleep and it was starting to take its toll on you. With a sigh, you decided that the best course of action would be to call for some assistance. You got in contact with a local agency who agreed to send someone to help you with the problem. Thanking them, a huge weight felt lifted off your shoulders knowing that the villain would be caught within the week and you'll finally get some much needed rest.

The next day went forward rather uneventful until the evening. The extra hero was supposed to arrive early in the day for introductions and debriefing, but they had yet to show. Deep frown lines and worried creases overtook your normally cheery face. Why weren’t they here yet? Did they forget? What if they got caught by the villain, got dragged back to their layer and is currently being subjected to foregin tourture methods and no one knows where they are and- A very familiar head of green hair entered your field of vision, successfully ending the panicked mental ramblings. You had to take a second look. Surely they didn’t send him, he was much too busy to help with something this small.

Then your eyes met enrapturing green ones. They were the kind of green that spoke of lush growth in the wake of a forest fire. They were determined, fresh and held a new sense of warning that read: “I have power. I have authority. I will not start a fight, but I will end one” His eyes scanned the agency, noting every face, name and exit strategy he could retain before his eyes were caught on you. I bright smile spread across freckled cheeks, the glint in his eye gone and replaced with pure sugar. His steps quickened in your direction. Your feet were frozen as juvenile feelings came rushing back as fast as your heart was beating.  

Before you knew it, strong arms embraced you, snapping you out of your haze as you gently returned the hug. There were so many questions you wanted to ask, but your tongue was tied in a knot, filling your mouth and preventing any word from escaping.

“[Y/N]! I can’t believe it! It has been so long. How are you?” He spoke in a chipper voice, much too chipper for the feeling running through your body.

“D-Deku…?” you replied

“Yeah! Don’t tell me you already forgot about me, we were so close in school.”

“N-No I didn’t forget, I’m just surprised is all. I didn’t expect them to send their favorite hero to help out down here. Especially considering how low-profile this villain is.” you explained.

His cheeks warmed up at your statement. He rubbed the back of his neck, eyes cast downwards. “Well, I actually volunteered to come help. I saw the request form and your name on it and thought I would lend a hand. I hope that is alright?”

It was your turn to blush as his statement registered in your mind. “Y-Yeah! That’s fine, we need all the help we can get and who better to help us than the future number one?”

His hand retreated into his front pocket, eyes turning slightly cold almost as if you had offended him by bringing up the topic of being the number one hero. He gave a slightly strained smile. “Well I’m here. What can I do to help?”

* * * * * * *

Both your lungs and legs burned as you ran after the villain you had been chasing for weeks. It was finally going to happen, you were going to catch him! Bursting through the warehouse doors the villain had just ran through, your eyes scanned the room for signs of movement. Your heart stopped as you realized there were none. Carefully examining the cargo garage once more, slower as you walked around checking every corner, you found it empty. Heavy footsteps followed after you. Izuku caught up to you, panting from the exertion of chasing the villain. He took a look around the space himself, noticing it was empty.

“[Y/N], how did they get away? What happened? Are you okay?”

A low growl escaped your throat, aggravation flowing hotly through your veins. He had escaped. Again! Think, think, think! Where could he have gone? Was it his quirk that helped him escape so many times?

“[Y/N]! What’re you doing? Aren’t you going to go after him?”

Those eyes. You could still feel their effect on you from earlier and it only intensified because you could feel them on you now.. He just had such an intense way of logging your every move. Don’t get it wrong, it was exactly this kind of awareness that would make him such a successful hero one day, but it made chills run up your spine when you would catch those orbs focused on you. They ensured that any shred of focus you had on the case was dissolved. You weren’t a school-girl anymore, so why were you acting like one? Getting distracted in the middle of a chase was a rookie move and you would be kicking yourself over it for days.

Eye twitching, you whip around to face Deku. “Will you stop asking so many questions? He just escaped like he does every time! I am trying to figure out a plan and I can’t think when you’re looking at me, much less speaking! You are just too distracting and don’t need to be thinking about what you’re making me and my body feel when I’m trying to work!” Huffing, it takes a second for your outburst to register. The angry heat flowing through you immediately turned to cold as all the blood runs from your face.

Those damned green eyes bore into yours with a fire almost as hot as the blush painted across his freckled cheeks. Desire rolled off of Deku in seering waves and you could almost feel it. He took a step forward, breaking you out of your haze. Immediately you began to stutter an excuse for your outburst, “D-deku… I didn’t mean to say that. It was an accident. You weren’t ever supposed to find out!”

He took another step forward and cocked his head to the side, that cold look from earlier clouded his face making him look like a completely different person. “Keeping secrets isn’t any fun, [Y/N]. It isn’t good manners and it hurts people's feelings.” He pouted slightly, “Is that what you wanted? Hm? To hurt my feelings?”

Quickly you shake your head, but still take a step away from him as he continued to walk your direction. “No! I just… I just didn’t want you to know.”

Another step forward. Another step back. “Want me to know what? About your crush on me since high school? Bunny, I already knew. You’re a very bad liar.” Gone was the sweet and caring Izuku you thought you knew. And gone was your escape route you realized as your back hit the cool metal walls of the warehouse. “And not only are you a bad liar, your body is too. I still remember that cute little blush on your face when I would touch you, much like the blush you have now.”

His chest pressed lightly against yours, hot and electrifying. Your body slightly trembled but you weren’t sure if it was from anticipation or from shame of loving his attention. His hands came to rest on the wall by your head, successfully enclosing you two together so all you could focus on was him.

The steady ring of his phone snapped your attention away. Not breaking his eye contact with your face, he grabbed his phone and answered it. After a few nods and yes’s and a few moments of you squirming under his gaze, he hung up and put his phone away.

“They caught him.”

Shock overtook your features, momentarily forgetting the previous predicament. “What? How did they get him? He escaped!”

A smirk crawled onto Midoriya’s lips. “I had a hunch that his quirk dealt with teleportation, specifically short range considering he never leaves this area of Japan. If I were trying to escape, I would lead my enemies to the lowest floor of a building and then teleport to the top, giving me ample time to escape in any direction without leaving a clue. Since most quirks have a drawback, I made a guess that a teleportation quirk would have a cooldown time, limiting the amount of times you could teleport. I then let the local authorities know. They did the rest.”

He seemed so proud of himself. Smug in the fact that he was right. What happened to the sweet and bashful Deku you knew, and what was with that look in his eyes? His scarred hand came up to push your [Y/H/C] locks behind your ears, drawing your attention back to him. His fingers trailed across your cheek bone, down to your jaw before squeezing both cheeks between his fingers making you look at him.

“Now, where were we, bunny? I think you were about to tell me about how you want me to touch you. Right?”

Speaking was difficult with the way he was squishing your cheeks, “I-I don’t think this is a g-good idea. Let’s just go h-home for the night.”

He sighed, a small amount of disappointment flashing across his face. “Oh honey, that’s not what I wanted to hear. Don’t you want me to touch you?” He leaned forward, lips touching the sensitive shell of you ear, “I know you’ve thought about me doing… things… to you before. I can read it on your pretty little face.”

“T-That was a long time ago. H-How are you so sure I still like you?”

A deep chuckle, “I know you still like me because you’ve been distracted since I walked in the door at your agency. Your thighs have been clenching on and off for hours and you can barely look me in the eyes. Do you need me to go on?” by the end of his explanation Deku’s lips were grazing yours. Half-lidded eyes stared at his mouth, focused on its movements.

With a sudden rush of courage, you pressed your trembling lips to his. Mouths moved together in sync. They molded together like two halves of a whole, sliding and caressing each other in a steamy dance. The tip of his tongue ran across the bottom of your lip as an invitation you gladly accepted. Your tongue gilded against his equally as eager one for a moment before you both broke away for air. A string of saliva connected your lips to his. He pressed his forehead against yours, breathing heavily into your space just as you were breathing in his.

“Bunny, you know I can’t let you leave here without giving you what you want. Legs up.”

You followed his demand, jumping to wrap your legs around his waist and arms around his neck as he pressed you against the wall. His strong hands grasped your upper thighs just under the swell of your ass. He let out a breathy groan as he squeezed your plush legs, obviously aroused by their softness and their strength. Doing a balancing act, he propped you up on the wall with one arm and his knee just long enough to flip your skirt up and move your panties to the side.

As his fingers grazed your hot core, you couldn’t help but let out a gasp. His touch was electrifying. It had been too long since someone had touched you like this and every brush and every touch causes your body to react, pussy clenching in anticipation. Your underwear were unbelievably wet considering how little Deku had actually touched you. Noticing this, a sweet smile spread across Deku’s face reaching all the way to his eyes causing them to crinkle at the corners. It was such a strange expression compared to the lust raging in his eyes. He looked pleased with your reaction and for some reason you felt happy that you could please him.

Suddenly you felt something large and hot rub against your lower lips. Looking down for a brief moment, your eyes widened from the sight. A thick and veiny cock slowly rocked along your glistening folds. When had he even gotten rid of his pants? He was much larger than you had originally assumed, but not comically massive the way most people would assume. The throbbing and prominent veins created a beautiful pathway to the tuft of green hair growing at the base and trailing upwards, disappearing under the top of his hero costume.

Deku chuckled, finding humor in the way you were staring at it and how you were analyzing every inch. His hips still rocked slowly against yours, gently nudging your clit. Just that small amount of friction caused your breath to hitch in your throat and before you knew it, you were already panting. His hand came up to cup your cheek. The pad of his thumb traced gently across your bottom lip and your tongue darted out to capture it in your mouth. Deku hissed lightly through his teeth at the way you softly sucked and nibbled on his digit, your eyes half-lidded with ecstasy. Pressing his forehead against yours he spoke, slightly strained from having held back, “Are you ready, love? I can’t wait any longer. You’ll let me fuck you, right? Oh baby, I promise I’ll be gentle.”

Yore core clenched at his words, soundlessly nodding your head, releasing his thumb. “Please…” You sounded so desperate, so needy. This was a new feeling for you, arousal in its most primal form. All you knew was that you didn’t want him to stop no matter how exposed you both were and no matter how needy you sounded. In this moment, you’d let him do anything to you.

With your confirmation, he slowly began pushing his length into you. A groan left both of your lips at the same time. Inch after inch disappeared inside you and with every movement of his hips came a sound of pleasure from your lips. By the time his pelvis met yours, you were both covered in a thin layer of sweat. HIs from effort and restraint, yours from the heat of arousal.

“Fuuuck… You’re so tight, bunny. So tight for me… I have to move, love. You’re driving me mad…” His hips then withdrew from yours in a smooth and slow motion before pushing back into you a little faster than before.

“I-Izuku!” You called out, voice echoing through the empty warehouse.

“That’s right, moan my name, baby!”

He began to pick up speed, using your position against the wall to push you up and then drop you back down on his cock. He felt so big inside you, filling you up and making sure to hit all the right spots even ones you didn’t know existed. You felt you eyes begin to roll back as he kept pistoning in and out of you at a brutal pace. Hands quickly found the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling on the green strands.  It was all too much for you to handle and you could already feel the knot inside you tightening. Moans after moans were spilling from your mouth, almost incoherent in your lust-filled daze.

Deku could feel you getting tighter as he pounded into your sopping cunt. Your juices coated his cock along with your thighs. He’d never had anyone so aroused by him and he loved every second of it. Sweat dripped off of his brow and ran down his neck before disappearing behind the collar of his shirt. Your arms slipped from his neck and gripped his shoulders hard, nails leaving red crescents on his pale skin even through the fabric of his costume. The knot in your abdomen tightened even more as he rested his head on your shoulder and moaned deeply into your neck. His lips sloppily placed kisses up and down the column of your throat, tongue flicking out to taste your skin. It wasn’t long before his kisses turned to nibbles which turned to bites hard enough to leave bruises. But you weren’t complaining, if anything it only made you more turned on. Your hands threaded through his hair once more as you could feel yourself getting closer. You knew he was getting there too due to how sloppy his thrusts were becoming. He quickly looked up at you.

“You better look me in the eyes when you cum, okay? I want to see just how I make you feel. Show me that pretty face, love.”

You made eye contact with him. It was deep and sensual and way too intimate for you to handle in your current state. You remember how you felt every time you caught his eyes on you in class or training. You remember how they made you feel so exposed to him, and now that you really were exposed, it was like he could see your every want and need and he was determined to be the one to fulfill them. After a few more thrusts of his hips you could feel yourself unraveling. Stars danced in the corners of your vision as you reached your climax, body jerking against his and cunt quivering. He could feel your walls squeezing him, milking his cock and begging for his seed. Just as you were beginning to come down from your high, Deku’s hips stuttered. His hot cum painted your walls as he cursed deeply, filling you to the brim and then some.

Both of you were breathing heavily, still connected and embracing as the euphoric sensation stopped buzzing through your veins. His eyes were still searching yours, glazed over with want. Slowly he slid his softening member from your core and sat you down on your feet. You felt sore but so satisfied. Your thighs quaked from having to support your own weight again and small rivulets of mixed juices ran from your pussy and coated your thighs. You were truly exhausted.

Deku got himself dressed and situated before helping you get everything straightened out. He pulled you to his chest, lips pressing into your forehead quickly before he spoke.

“Let’s get you home, bunny. My place isn’t far from here.”

* * * * * * *

As you left the next morning after a shower and homemade breakfast, along with a promise for a real date soon, you sent a text you Uraraka with a simple message: You were right.

[dragonhrte]

This Moment

Hey, I know I haven’t posted any new writing in a while college is brutal.

This fic is a result of the bnha spring time event that I entered a couple weeks ago hosted/ created by @bnhaclaimedmysoul​. This is my first event ever. 

I wrote this for @bnhawritten​, if you’ve never heard of her I recommend checking her out. She recently hit 500 followers, it was super amazing to see happen!

 Mirio is actually a character that I’m not all that familiar with, I hope that she likes it. Without further ado lets get to it!

If you don’t know already:

(Y/n) is your name

(f/n) is your first name

(l/n) is your last name

Word Count: 1,706

You close your eyes and take a deep steadying breath. The helter skelter that has been your life for the past year and a half or so has been leading up to this moment. The bridal chorus hasn’t started playing yet, but you open your eyes and see your mom and dad approaching you with their arms stretched out encompassing you in a warm embrace. They both take a step back, tears welling up in their eyes as they hold each other in silence. The adoration that you can feel from them is overwhelming and you feel a tear escape the corner of your eye. Before you know it, they’re streaming down your face.

“Ugh!” you quietly exclaim, “I don’t want to cry, they spent so much time on my make up, I don’t want to ruin all their hard work...”

Your parents both look at each other in amusement, your father placing a comforting hand on your shoulder as your mother cups your cheek and swipes her thumb over your teary face.

“Don’t think about that right now. Focus on taking deep breaths and calming down.” your mother says in a soothing tone.

“It’s fine honey, this is a big moment for you.” your dad says as he and your mother move aside so the make up artist can work their magic on you.

They pull out a compact from their pocket showing you their handiwork. You immediately lean your head back to keep from crying again, you look and feel so beautiful, it’s more than what you could’ve imagined. You give a weak, “Thank you” you tilt your head forward again, the dam of emotions quivering under the pressure, but you manage to stave off the tears threatening to spill down your face. The soft sound of the string quartet playing the bridal chorus makes its way to your ears. The thought of the extra expense paying off enters your mind and you shake your head lightly to clear away your intrusive thoughts. Wanting to think of nothing more than this moment, as you push your arm through the space between the elbow of your dad and his body, and you reach out for your mom’s hand. Your dad quickly handing you your bouquet of red roses, to hold in the hand interlaced with his arm, it’s a bit awkward, but doable.

Your father and mother step forward with you in tow as the staff at the venue open the french doors leading out into the fresh, spring air. You take your time as rehearsed, stepping in time to the music, grateful to your parents who are steady beside you. The sky in the gorgeous transition from the reds and oranges of early dusk to the blues and purples of early evening, the sun almost completely below the horizon. The lanterns placed strategically along the sides of the carpet cast a soft glow onto the path. You lift your eyes up and immediately lock eyes with Mirio. A dazzling smile gracing your lips as you look at the man standing before you. His blue eyes sparkling with what can only be described as utter devotion. Your eyes begin to tear up again taking in the sight of your soon to be husband under this beautiful canopy, festooned with flowers and colors.

The group of people surrounding you fall away as you reach the end of the aisle. Your mom gives you one final squeeze while your dad gives Mirio the strong-armed hand shake of approval and silent warning. Your parents step off to the side and the ceremony continues.

The entire time you feel the dam getting put under more and more pressure, especially with the look that Mirio keeps giving you. He pulls out his cue cards from the inside of his suit jacket, and looks up at you. He hasn’t even said a word before the first heart-wrenching sob makes it past your lips. A quick flash of concern and then a reassuring smile is on Mirio’s face as he begins his vows.

“(Y/n), at one point during our relationship we had come to a cross-roads concerning my genuine feelings towards you. Given how your quirk can affect emotions, I was worried that the amount of affection, love, and adoration I was feeling towards you was too intense. There is no doubt in my mind at this moment that these are my true feelings. Though you do have an amazing and powerful quirk, I don’t think it would be able to properly replicate the feelings that I have.”

A small chuckle comes from the crowd and Mirio continues.

“I am so lucky that we got partnered up for that first case together, and that you accepted my offer to debrief over some coffee. Maybe it’s my quirk but I found my way past your walls and saw the most beautiful person. I am glad that we were able to enjoy all those wonderful moments leading up to this one.”

You feel the ugly cry situation starting, and it is futile to attempt to cover it up, so you just let it happen. You take a couple moments to compose yourself, thankful for the box of tissues your close friend was mindful enough to stash behind the lectern. You grab a fistful, haphazardly dabbing at the corners of your eyes. The nervousness you have been feeling all night has bubbled over into an overwhelming mix of emotions. You finish dabbing at your eyes and then open your moth to speak, but your words get caught in the lump of emotion that has formed in your throat after your beloved said his vows. You clear your throat awkwardly a few times, you breathe in and take the cue cards from your hand holding the bouquet and start to read.

Your voice quivers a bit, but grows steadier, “Mirio, I could go on and on about the amazing person you are and how lucky I am to have you, which isn’t unwarranted, but doesn’t properly capture the essence of our relationship,” you look up at him through your lashes a smile makes its way onto your face, “I will say this though, you always seem to know exactly what I need emotionally, even without me using my quirk. You lift me up when I feel down, even on my darkest days, your sculpted arms probably have something to do with that.”

You emphasize this by caressing his arm, which he playfully flexes under your touch.

You grab the bouquet with both hands, and say the next words unscripted, “While these parts of you are amazing there is something that I’d like to address. I’ve been asked a lot over the past year and a half how I knew ‘you were the one’. The answer is, ‘This Moment’. There is no individual exclusive instance that I ever consciously realized that you were the one, you made that happen with each and every successive moment since we met. Our relationship is built on multitudes of little moments. I am in love with you in each and every one of them. We will continue to grow our new collection of moments as husband and wife, but each will be this moment.”

My close friend clears their throat and says, “We are gathered here today to witness the union of two stars, two individuals that light up the people that they interact with, both at work and in their personal lives, giving a different definition to the term Plus Ultra.”

They turn to us with a wide smile on their face, and say, “Do you Mirio Togata, vow to take this woman, to love and to cherish her in good days and bad?”

“I do.”

“Do you (f/n, l/n) vow to take this man, to love and cherish in his good days and bad?”

“I do.”

“Please present the rings.”

“Mirio reaches into his suit jacket once more and pulls out the two rings, he hand you his own ring, which despite being in his jacket pocket, is cool to the touch. Mirio reaches out for your left hand and you place your hand in his, he slides the ring onto your finger slowly as if trying to memorize every bit of this moment. You in turn stretch out your hand and he places his large hand in your own, you take the ring and slide it up his finger, the gold stark against his skin. You stay like that hand in hand as you hear your close friend say, “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss!”

You stand on your tiptoes wrapping your hands behind his head as his hands slide around your waist, his lips crashing down on your own. The force conflicting with the overall tenderness in the kiss, deep and slow, starting your future of moments together off with a spark of passion.

You wake up with a start, groggy, and disoriented from the vividness of your dream. You move to stretch and catch a glimmer on your left hand, and your right arm brushes up against a familiar body next to you.

The events of the evening after the wedding had gone by in a blur.

After the kiss you had been whisked down the aisle from whence you came into the reception area of the venue. The toasts that were given were heartfelt and emotional, initiating yet another onslaught of crying from you. You had cut into the cake together, and although it might seem childish you opted for your favorite flavor of ice cream instead. The chocolate chip and the crunchy bits that are usually added only to ice cream cake adding that delicious crunch to go with the delectable smoothness of the vanilla ice cream. The night was filled with laughter and fun, a relief after the intense nerves you had to deal with earlier in the evening. Dancing with Mirio, both of you incapable of dancing all that well was a lot of fun. You had a great time dancing and singing with all of your friends, family, and close coworkers, but enough was enough. Eventually you called it quits drained from the numerous crying sessions and running low on energy after interacting with all those people. Yes, more people had shown up than you had originally intended, but that’s what you get when you fall in love with someone who has such a bright personality. Immediately afterwards you both headed to the honeymoon suite at the hotel, you had some assistance getting out of the beautiful, satin, white ball gown and slipped into something more comfortable.

You smile at the recollection of everything that happened last night, your eyes lighting up in delight at welcoming in all the new moments to come, as you snuggle back into the covers.

[controloffandoms]

All By Myself (P.P./SM)

Prompt: For Jordan’s Title Challenge, “All To Myself”, plus “Do you think I liked hurting you?” + “Hurting you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” from THIS Prompt List.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Banner!Reader

Words: 2119

Warnings: swearing? (Idk if I used swear words, but it’s possible...and most likely did happen), abandonment (sort of), slightly depressed reader

Notes: Jordan’s challenge is literally the only thing allowing me to write right now...it’s helping with my writer’s block, so thank you Jordan! As in the previous Peter one shot I did, we are pretending that Tony is still alive because that’s the only ending I accept. :)

After note: Some characters may be a little OOC from what you’ve seen in comics/movies/etc

You sighed as you entered the Avenger’s headquarters. Each day it got harder and harder to show up for training and debriefings and fun get togethers. How could you enjoy spending time with the old members of the team and the new members when you were working against them? Nick Fury had specifically asked you to monitor the members of the Avengers and the junior members and report back to him about any concerns. These concerns could range anywhere from them not being ready to go out in the field to someone possibly working for another agency. You were, essentially, a mole. 

The worst part was keeping it from Peter, your best friend. No matter how many times you told Fury that there were no problems with him, he still wouldn’t let you tell the hyper young adult. You looked at the statues of the fallen Avengers and let another quiet sigh leave your mouth. You didn’t know how much longer you could keep this up. 

You found the gathered members of the team in the debrief room. Quietly taking your seat, you gave your father, Bruce Banner, a small smile. He returned the smile as the remaining members filed into the room. Peter took his seat next to you, flashing a bright smile. You gave him, what you hoped, was a convincing smile back. 

No one really knew why they were here. You had just gotten a message to come to the compound and meet in the debriefing room. Usually the message was sent by Tony Stark, Sam Wilson, or your father but this message hadn’t come from any of them. As Nick Fury entered, you felt yourself tense up. 

“Seems everyone’s here, we can get started,” he stated.

“Director, four members have yet to arrive,” Sam interrupted.

“I purposely didn’t call them to this meeting. If you will give me time to explain what this is all about, I can tell you why they aren’t here.” At the nods of those gathered, he continued. “It has been brought to my attention that there was information leaking about past and future cases that the team has dealt with. It seemed the information was sold to the highest bidder. This information included identities and files on those in the team. Because of the security breach, I entrusted only one other person with this knowledge in order to find the leak or leaks. Over the course of the past seven months, she has been feeding us information, big or small for me to file away and figure out who the possible leaks were. 

“I’m proud to say that because of her information we have found the four leaks. They are being dealt with as we speak. Everyone in this room has been cleared. With you being cleared, we can resume our regular activities including mission briefings and debriefings. Throughout the screening process, I have only given missions to those I thought trustworthy along with someone to watch over them to make sure nothing was leaked from those within the mission team. That is no longer needed.

“For the future, let us do a proper screening of those we decide to bring into the team. I don’t want a repeat of the past events. No more bringing in someone without the proper channels. That being said, we have four missions. Get into teams, pour over the information, get a plan together, and execute the mission.”

_____________________

You ran a hand over your face as you entered the compound after the successful mission. While it had been a successful mission, it had been filled with people shooting at the team, surprise weapons that didn’t look like much but kicked one hell of a punch, and jackasses that just made the job harder. You were tired. The stress filled months prior were catching up to you. 

As you walked into the debriefing room, all talking stopped. You looked up to see everyone staring at you with a mixture of glares and sadness. As the rest of your team piled through the door, they stopped. “Did we miss something,” Peter asked. 

“We thought about what Fury said during the debrief earlier. He had someone here constantly giving information to him, no matter how small it was. Anything we said or did while this person was around was fair game to be mentioned to Fury,” Sam stated.

“He said that they were always put on the mission with the teams to make sure none of the members leaked information, so we went through the records for the past seven months and guess who was involved in some way on all of them,” Wanda stalked closer. 

Your body tensed slightly. Fury had promised you that none of this would fall on you. That you were safe as long as you did as he said. “I can’t believe that you would break our trust like that, kid. Especially mine. I helped raise you, (Y/N),” Tony’s voice held a resentment you had never heard before.

“It wasn’t like I had a say in it. When Nick Fury tells you to do something or else, you tend to do it,” you finally responded. 

“What, you couldn’t tell me? I’m your father,” Bruce’s voice rose as he spoke. 

You looked away from him and responded calmly. “If you had been a leak, you would have gotten word out to everyone what I was doing. I was told I couldn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want to do it. I told him ‘no’ multiple times, but he doesn’t take no for an answer. I’m sorry if you feel betrayed by it.”

“You thought I was a leak,” Peter finally spoke from behind you.

“Of course I didn’t,” you turned to face him. “All I ever told Fury about you was that you weren’t the leak. I only told him good things about you because you don’t do anything wrong.”

“But if I had stepped out of line just once, you would have told him about it?”

“Peter-”

“Wow...I actually thought we were friends.”

“Peter-”

“No, I don’t want to hear it (Y/N). Some of the things I told you, I said them in confidence and you most likely told Fury everything. I can’t trust you after that.”

Before you could respond, he walked out. “I never reported everything to him. After the first three months, I focused in on ten people. Two months after that I had it down to the four that Fury was talking about today.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that we trusted you and you betrayed that trust,” Wanda responded.

“If it wasn’t me, it was bound to be someone else.”

“So you just took one for the team,” Sam scoffed. 

“I did what I had to do,” even to you, your responses sounded dull and bland. You were just so tired...so, so tired. 

“I think that’s all of the answers we needed. Majority voted to relieve you of your place on the team. Take whatever you’ve left here and don’t come back, kid,” Tony sighed.

It took you a second to process what Tony had said. Your mouth opened in a protest, but quickly shut itself at the looks you saw on the faces of the original members’ faces. You nodded and turned, leaving the room and the people in it behind. If they couldn’t see the big picture, there was no use in you arguing with them.

__________________

Four Weeks Later

You took a deep breath and knocked on the door of the apartment. It had been four weeks since you last saw him. Four weeks since he walked out without a proper explanation. Four weeks since you last talked to him. You heard someone behind the door and assumed they were looking through the peephole. “Go away,” it was muffled through the door, but you knew it was Peter. 

“Knocking was really only a formality. I can break down the door if that’s what you want me to do,” you responded. You had to talk to him...had to explain to him. These past weeks had been killing you.

You couldn’t hear anything happening behind the door. You held your breath as you hoped he would at least let you explain better than you had previously before trying to kick you out. Slowly, the door opened and Peter’s frame filled the gap. His arms crossed and he leaned against the door jam. “You have two minutes.”

You nodded. “Should we go inside so that not just anyone can hear this?” He moved slightly to let you in. You moved to sit on the couch and he followed, standing in front of you. “You remember when I did that stupid thing ten months ago where my identity almost got out along with some high priority SHIELD secrets? And we thought that Fury hadn’t found out? Well, he knew about it. Two months later, when he came to me the first time about reporting in on everyone on the team, I told him no. I didn’t stay to hear any more of his speech. 

“He followed up a couple of days later and did his whole pitch again. This time he mentioned that I owed him because he let a lot of my mistakes slide in the past. Again, I turned him down. A week later, he comes back when it was just me in the lab. He says everything he did the last session and adds in details of my huge stupidity those few months before. He says that if that got out, I wouldn’t work with the team anymore. I was going to tell him to go to hell, but then he mentioned how much of a danger these leaks were to you and the team. He went into detail about it saying that you could get captured or killed, that because of all of the secrets getting out, no one would be safe. He told me that I could help prevent that. He told me that none of it would fall back on me. Told me he would take the heat.”

You paused for a second to gage Peter’s reaction. His mouth was turned into a frown and he was avoiding looking directly at you. “After those first few months, I kept telling him that you weren’t the leak. I kept asking if I could tell you. The reason I gave him was that it would go by faster if two people were looking for the leaks, but the real reason is because I hated not telling you everything. He told me that I had to keep it all to myself. Said if I didn’t, I’d hurt everyone I cared about because the leaks would probably hear about it. I’m sorry Peter.” 

It was silent while you let everything sink in. You found yourself wringing your hands anxiously. Peter turned away from you and walked over to the kitchen, shaking his head. “So you just followed his orders blindly? When have you ever blindly followed orders? When given orders you’re more like Mr. Stark, you take them into consideration and then do your own thing. What hurt the most was the fact that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me. You know that I wouldn’t tell anyone else,” he growled out. 

“Do you think I liked lying to you? Do you think I like hurting you? Lying to and hurting you were the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I never meant for you to find out the way you did...I care about you Peter. I wanted to tell you myself...I was planning on telling everyone after the leaks were taken care of,” you took a shaky breath, “I’m sorry.”

“I am too.” He was silent as he placed his hands on the counter, leaning on it. He tapped his fingers on the counter before looking at you directly for the first time since you’d shown up. “That’s a lot of information to take in. I need to think about it a while. I think it would be best if you left, I’m expecting some of the team over soon.”

You held his gaze before looking away, keeping your tears at bay as you nodded. Slowly, you stood up and walked to the door. “I hope that even if you don’t forgive me for everything, we could maybe start over later on. I understand things will never be completely the same...but I would hate to lose you forever.”

You opened the door and walked out, not looking back as your tears started to fall. It was official, at least for now, you were all by yourself.

Marvel Fam

@marvelite1998

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

Reposted from the Award Winning* Thimbleweed Park Dev Blog. *Awards TBD.

During last week's Thimbleweed Park podcast, I asked Gary and David what scares them the most about the project. I find this a useful exercise to do with the team to see what they are worried about. The answer always changes as the project progresses and new worries come and go.

The common theme from the three of us was the amount of work there is to do. It's daunting. But as I've said several times on this blog, that's normal. I've never not been daunted by the amount of work facing me on any game I've done. If you're not daunted by the amount of work, there's probably something wrong and you need to be pushing harder. Be daunted and push yourself right up to the point of being overwhelmed.

During the podcast I mentioned my concern about money and seeing the bank account go down each month. This was somehow turned into "we're running out of money", which is far from the truth. I am worried about money, anyone running a project should be.

The thing is: I worry about things so they don't become problems, and worrying about money is one of those things. If we didn't worry about money everyday, we would run out of money. It sneaks up on you.

Seeing $500,000 in your bank account can make you cocky. It can seem like an endless supply of cash and more money than most people (including me) have ever seen in their bank account. But you have to treat that $500,000 like it's $5,000 or even $500. Every dollar matters.

It's why I like to have a budget.

It is one of the advantages of having a publisher, they will poke your budget full of holes and challenge your assumptions. The downside is, they will also push your budget down and it's not uncommon for developers to then fake the budget so they get the deal (which their studio is often dependent on to stay alive). It's not malicious, they (and I have done this as well) just convince themselves they can make it for less, and that's often not true.

I want to know where every dollar is being spent from here until the end of the project. You start putting line items into the budget and you instantly see your money starting vanish. A few line items later and you're out of money. It's sobering and a necessary process. It really makes you appreciate spending anything.

We had budgets back at Lucasfilm, but we were very isolated from the gory ramifications of those numbers. I could make a budget and if I went over by 20%, I might get a stern talking to, but it's not like people weren't going to be paid. When you're running your own company and project with your own money and you run out, people don't get paid and they don't like that. In the real world, they stop working.

I do a first pass budget before I start designing. I often know how much money I have and I want to see how many people and how long I have before that money is gone. If I know I have 15 months and can afford 5 people, then that helps me in scoping the design. If I have 24 months and can have 100 people, that's another scope.

Once I've done the preliminary budget, we'll start designing and then enter pre-production, all the while, adjusting the budget as I know more.  When pre-production is done, we can look at the amount of work and do a final budget based on the schedule. Budget and Schedule are two different things that feed into and help refine each other. You can't do one without the other, but they aren't the same thing.

A schedule lists everything you have to make and who is going to make it and when. A budget takes all those people and how much they cost and tells you what the project is going to cost.

Below is the current budget for Thimbleweed Park.  It's what I like to call a living budget. You'll notice that the first monthly column is October, not the beginning of the project. Money spent is "water under the bridge" and is only relevant for historical and educational reasons. What I want to focus my attention on is how much we have and how much we need to spend going forward.

Anyone who has a real background in accounting is probably having spasm right now. There are much better ways to do this, but I'm not an accountant and neither are most indie devs. This is a much simplified way of budgeting and it works for me.

Each month I look at what we spend versus what we expect to spend then make any adjustments to future costs. I then remove the current month column, look at the projected total and the bank balance. If there is more in the bank then we're projected to spend, then we're OK, back to programming and designing.

Let's go through the budget.

First up are the people. Gary and I are working for peanuts (honey roasted). Neither of us can afford to work for free for 18 months and we're making about a quarter of what we could get with "real jobs" but we do need to eat and pay rent.

Everyone else is working below what they could get, but I do think it's important to pay people. I don't feel getting people to work for free ever works out and usually ends badly (and friendships) or you "get what you pay for." The reality is that when someone works for you for free, you aren't their top priority. They may say you are, they may want you to be, but you rarely are and you end up dealing with missed deadlines and hastily done work.

It's important to have team members that can work as professionals and you pay people that are professionals. You should respect people's time and talent and pay them for their work. It's what the Kickstarter money was for after all.

Everyone is budgeted in at 5 days a week and 8 hours a day as we're trying to keep normal hours. I have no doubt these hours will go up towards the end of the project, but I try to never budget crunch time, it's a dangerous precedent. It's a cost we will have to manage down the road, either by hiring someone new, spending for extra time, shifting resources or cutting content. There is enough slop built into the rest of the budget to cover some of this, but I never want ink to paper, because then crunch becomes real.

We do have two additional artists budgeted and yet to be hired. We don't know if we'll need both of them, but I've budgeted them just in case. We might need help with animation and there are also a lot of close-ups (telephones, control panels, bulletin boards, etc) and ancillary screens that aren't on Mark's schedule right now.

There is a line item for an additional writer. We made the decision to go with full Monkey Island style dialogs and I don't feel confident I can get all those done with everything else I need to be doing (like budgeting).

Testers, testers, testers. One of the most important and often forgotten roles in a game. It's money well spent because not testing will cost you down the road in emergency patches, dissatisfied players and crappy review scores. The original budget had 3 testers, but I added a 4th when we added the Xbox. I over budgeted for testing and it's an area that will probably come in under budget (ass, prepare to be bitten).

It's important to distinguish between testing and beta testing as they serve very different functions. The paid testers on a project are there to (primarily) find and help squash bugs. This is a paid role because it's grueling work and, quite frankly, not a lot of people are really good at it. Testers don't just "play the game". They are "testing" the game and that often involves countless hours of playing the same 5 minutes over and over, trying to get an elusive bug to appear. Testers need to write clear and concise bug reports and endlessly regress bugs to make sure they are fixed. It's a hard job. Good testers are worth every penny.

Beta testing is different. Beta testers (an unpaid role) are still finding bugs, but what you're really looking for are big picture issues, like puzzle complexity, game flow and story clarity. You want beta testers to "play" the game like normal players will and get feedback (mostly through silently watching, analytics and debriefs). You want to turn 50 beta testers loose and see where they go and what they do.

Next we come to Music and SFX. Musicians usually charge by the minute, so if you're going to have 15 minutes of unique music and they charge $1000 a minute (not uncommon), then your budget is $15,000. That $1,000/minute includes a lot of exploration and revisions and mixing. If you're saying "Hey, I'll do your music for free" you need to ask yourself if you're willing to spend weeks exploring different styles and tracks while getting constant feedback, then spend months composing it all, then additional months of making little revisions and changes, then producing 3, 4 or 5 flawless mixes. It's a lot of work and all the while, you have to hit deadline after deadline. And this is all for a relatively low budget game.

Next up on our journey through budget land is Translations, Voice Recording and Mobile. I'm kind of rolling the dice on these. I don't have a good idea what these will cost so I've padded the hell out of them and I expect this is where a lot of the slop will come from to fill other leaks. I got bids for voice acting and translation then added 30%. I have no idea on iOS and Android. I just chose a big number. This is where the voodoo of budgeting really plays out. If we had a producer, they would be spending more time nailing these numbers down. I've added enough extra that I feel comfortable.

On to Events. This is for stuff like PAX, Indiecade, E3 and other events we might want to show the game at. All this is really marketing and PR. It's also where we will pull extra money from if we get in trouble down the road. Not showing the game will screw its long term hopes, but not finishing the game is worse. Plus, it's a number we can scale up and down as needed and it's far enough down the road that we'll have better idea of how we're really doing.

Then it's on to the really exciting part of the budget: Legal, Accounting, Software, and the always important Misc. Assuming we don't get sued, these are fairly predictable and fixed expenses, but don't forget them.

And finally, the Kickstarter physical rewards. We have a fixed budget that was based on our final Kickstarter pledge numbers. It's probably around 25% too high, but that gives us some flexibility to make a better boxed copy or use the money elsewhere on the project. Or, we might have estimated wrong.

At the bottom is a total. I look at that each month and look at the bank balance. So far, we're fine. But that's because I worry.

One thing that is not on this spreadsheet is the money that is currently coming in from Humble Bundle and new backers. It's not significant, but it's not inconsequential either. I choose the leave it off the budget calculations because it provides this small margin of error.

We are planning on some new stretch goals in the next few months, and those are also not in the budget because if we don't make the goals, they won't become expenses. If we do, then all the numbers will be adjusted to account for the new work.

It's also possible that we'll move resources around, spend less on an artist and add a programmer. Budgets are living documents.

One thing to note, and I'm sure it will raise some eyebrows, is the monthly burn rate. That's a lot of money to spend each month. No one line item is very large, but they add up and can catch you by surprise. This is a pretty barebones project (but not scrappy) and it still costs $20K-$30K a month. It why when I look at other Kickstarters asking for very little money and they have a three page long team list, I get skeptical.

I hope this was informative. There are a lot of ways to do budgeting and I'm sure there are better ways, but this has always worked for me.

Please be respectful that we're sharing a lot of information with you, not only to be transparent, but also to educate and inform. This is how games are made, they take time, cost money and it's a very messy process.

- Ron Gilbert

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

Reposted from the Award Winning* Thimbleweed Park Dev Blog. *Awards TBD.

During last week's Thimbleweed Park podcast, I asked Gary and David what scares them the most about the project. I find this a useful exercise to do with the team to see what they are worried about. The answer always changes as the project progresses and new worries come and go.

The common theme from the three of us was the amount of work there is to do. It's daunting. But as I've said several times on this blog, that's normal. I've never not been daunted by the amount of work facing me on any game I've done. If you're not daunted by the amount of work, there's probably something wrong and you need to be pushing harder. Be daunted and push yourself right up to the point of being overwhelmed.

During the podcast I mentioned my concern about money and seeing the bank account go down each month. This was somehow turned into "we're running out of money", which is far from the truth. I am worried about money, anyone running a project should be.

The thing is: I worry about things so they don't become problems, and worrying about money is one of those things. If we didn't worry about money everyday, we would run out of money. It sneaks up on you.

Seeing $500,000 in your bank account can make you cocky. It can seem like an endless supply of cash and more money than most people (including me) have ever seen in their bank account. But you have to treat that $500,000 like it's $5,000 or even $500. Every dollar matters.

It's why I like to have a budget.

It is one of the advantages of having a publisher, they will poke your budget full of holes and challenge your assumptions. The downside is, they will also push your budget down and it's not uncommon for developers to then fake the budget so they get the deal (which their studio is often dependent on to stay alive). It's not malicious, they (and I have done this as well) just convince themselves they can make it for less, and that's often not true.

I want to know where every dollar is being spent from here until the end of the project. You start putting line items into the budget and you instantly see your money starting vanish. A few line items later and you're out of money. It's sobering and a necessary process. It really makes you appreciate spending anything.

We had budgets back at Lucasfilm, but we were very isolated from the gory ramifications of those numbers. I could make a budget and if I went over by 20%, I might get a stern talking to, but it's not like people weren't going to be paid. When you're running your own company and project with your own money and you run out, people don't get paid and they don't like that. In the real world, they stop working.

I do a first pass budget before I start designing. I often know how much money I have and I want to see how many people and how long I have before that money is gone. If I know I have 15 months and can afford 5 people, then that helps me in scoping the design. If I have 24 months and can have 100 people, that's another scope.

Once I've done the preliminary budget, we'll start designing and then enter pre-production, all the while, adjusting the budget as I know more.  When pre-production is done, we can look at the amount of work and do a final budget based on the schedule. Budget and Schedule are two different things that feed into and help refine each other. You can't do one without the other, but they aren't the same thing.

A schedule lists everything you have to make and who is going to make it and when. A budget takes all those people and how much they cost and tells you what the project is going to cost.

Below is the current budget for Thimbleweed Park.  It's what I like to call a living budget. You'll notice that the first monthly column is October, not the beginning of the project. Money spent is "water under the bridge" and is only relevant for historical and educational reasons. What I want to focus my attention on is how much we have and how much we need to spend going forward.

Anyone who has a real background in accounting is probably having spasm right now. There are much better ways to do this, but I'm not an accountant and neither are most indie devs. This is a much simplified way of budgeting and it works for me.

Each month I look at what we spend versus what we expect to spend then make any adjustments to future costs. I then remove the current month column, look at the projected total and the bank balance. If there is more in the bank then we're projected to spend, then we're OK, back to programming and designing.

Let's go through the budget.

First up are the people. Gary and I are working for peanuts (honey roasted). Neither of us can afford to work for free for 18 months and we're making about a quarter of what we could get with "real jobs" but we do need to eat and pay rent.

Everyone else is working below what they could get, but I do think it's important to pay people. I don't feel getting people to work for free ever works out and usually ends badly (and friendships) or you "get what you pay for." The reality is that when someone works for you for free, you aren't their top priority. They may say you are, they may want you to be, but you rarely are and you end up dealing with missed deadlines and hastily done work.

It's important to have team members that can work as professionals and you pay people that are professionals. You should respect people's time and talent and pay them for their work. It's what the Kickstarter money was for after all.

Everyone is budgeted in at 5 days a week and 8 hours a day as we're trying to keep normal hours. I have no doubt these hours will go up towards the end of the project, but I try to never budget crunch time, it's a dangerous precedent. It's a cost we will have to manage down the road, either by hiring someone new, spending for extra time, shifting resources or cutting content. There is enough slop built into the rest of the budget to cover some of this, but I never want ink to paper, because then crunch becomes real.

We do have two additional artists budgeted and yet to be hired. We don't know if we'll need both of them, but I've budgeted them just in case. We might need help with animation and there are also a lot of close-ups (telephones, control panels, bulletin boards, etc) and ancillary screens that aren't on Mark's schedule right now.

There is a line item for an additional writer. We made the decision to go with full Monkey Island style dialogs and I don't feel confident I can get all those done with everything else I need to be doing (like budgeting).

Testers, testers, testers. One of the most important and often forgotten roles in a game. It's money well spent because not testing will cost you down the road in emergency patches, dissatisfied players and crappy review scores. The original budget had 3 testers, but I added a 4th when we added the Xbox. I over budgeted for testing and it's an area that will probably come in under budget (ass, prepare to be bitten).

It's important to distinguish between testing and beta testing as they serve very different functions. The paid testers on a project are there to (primarily) find and help squash bugs. This is a paid role because it's grueling work and, quite frankly, not a lot of people are really good at it. Testers don't just "play the game". They are "testing" the game and that often involves countless hours of playing the same 5 minutes over and over, trying to get an elusive bug to appear. Testers need to write clear and concise bug reports and endlessly regress bugs to make sure they are fixed. It's a hard job. Good testers are worth every penny.

Beta testing is different. Beta testers (an unpaid role) are still finding bugs, but what you're really looking for are big picture issues, like puzzle complexity, game flow and story clarity. You want beta testers to "play" the game like normal players will and get feedback (mostly through silently watching, analytics and debriefs). You want to turn 50 beta testers loose and see where they go and what they do.

Next we come to Music and SFX. Musicians usually charge by the minute, so if you're going to have 15 minutes of unique music and they charge $1000 a minute (not uncommon), then your budget is $15,000. That $1,000/minute includes a lot of exploration and revisions and mixing. If you're saying "Hey, I'll do your music for free" you need to ask yourself if you're willing to spend weeks exploring different styles and tracks while getting constant feedback, then spend months composing it all, then additional months of making little revisions and changes, then producing 3, 4 or 5 flawless mixes. It's a lot of work and all the while, you have to hit deadline after deadline. And this is all for a relatively low budget game.

Next up on our journey through budget land is Translations, Voice Recording and Mobile. I'm kind of rolling the dice on these. I don't have a good idea what these will cost so I've padded the hell out of them and I expect this is where a lot of the slop will come from to fill other leaks. I got bids for voice acting and translation then added 30%. I have no idea on iOS and Android. I just chose a big number. This is where the voodoo of budgeting really plays out. If we had a producer, they would be spending more time nailing these numbers down. I've added enough extra that I feel comfortable.

On to Events. This is for stuff like PAX, Indiecade, E3 and other events we might want to show the game at. All this is really marketing and PR. It's also where we will pull extra money from if we get in trouble down the road. Not showing the game will screw its long term hopes, but not finishing the game is worse. Plus, it's a number we can scale up and down as needed and it's far enough down the road that we'll have better idea of how we're really doing.

Then it's on to the really exciting part of the budget: Legal, Accounting, Software, and the always important Misc. Assuming we don't get sued, these are fairly predictable and fixed expenses, but don't forget them.

And finally, the Kickstarter physical rewards. We have a fixed budget that was based on our final Kickstarter pledge numbers. It's probably around 25% too high, but that gives us some flexibility to make a better boxed copy or use the money elsewhere on the project. Or, we might have estimated wrong.

At the bottom is a total. I look at that each month and look at the bank balance. So far, we're fine. But that's because I worry.

One thing that is not on this spreadsheet is the money that is currently coming in from Humble Bundle and new backers. It's not significant, but it's not inconsequential either. I choose the leave it off the budget calculations because it provides this small margin of error.

We are planning on some new stretch goals in the next few months, and those are also not in the budget because if we don't make the goals, they won't become expenses. If we do, then all the numbers will be adjusted to account for the new work.

It's also possible that we'll move resources around, spend less on an artist and add a programmer. Budgets are living documents.

One thing to note, and I'm sure it will raise some eyebrows, is the monthly burn rate. That's a lot of money to spend each month. No one line item is very large, but they add up and can catch you by surprise. This is a pretty barebones project (but not scrappy) and it still costs $20K-$30K a month. It why when I look at other Kickstarters asking for very little money and they have a three page long team list, I get skeptical.

I hope this was informative. There are a lot of ways to do budgeting and I'm sure there are better ways, but this has always worked for me.

Please be respectful that we're sharing a lot of information with you, not only to be transparent, but also to educate and inform. This is how games are made, they take time, cost money and it's a very messy process.

- Ron Gilbert