#in his case though his death was almost 100% his fault and was due to his nasty behavior lol. still *trying* to be good though.

[paintpanic]

i loved your AU resurection and i have a question Marx will appear in your AU??

(a fanart)

Thank you so much for the lovely art! You've captured him beautifully.

Marx isn't *super* relevant in this AU, but he's 100% present.

[cheesecakethots]

the boogeyman - yandere johan (monster) x fem!reader

implied sa, kidnapping, yandere behaviour, others tws in tags.

potentially a part 2 to this, but can also be read as a standalone

writing for johan is hard so it may seem ooc. not 100% sure i like how this turned out but i want to push something out rn lol

kinda based around @stupid-sloot-headcanons own johan thots because i love how they write for him

even as a child you never believed the silly stories your friends and family had told you about monsters lurking in the shadows of bedrooms in the dead of night.

you giggled and snorted at the idea of a boogeyman of all things, a creature that waited to gobble sweet little girls like you up so that you would never be seen again.

it had seemed so unbelievable to you at the time, the mere thought of something stalking and taking you from your small and quaint town. everything about your life felt safe and protected as a child. now, you can’t help but frown at the memories of your complete naivety.

for you have come to learn that monsters, much worse than those that hide under beds and in closets, do exist.

and sometimes, monsters can look as pretty as angels, or at least in johan’s case, they do.

he’s woken you up again. it’s not like it’s really his fault, as your body, even in an unconscious state, seems to sense his gaze on you.

no feeling can compare to the one you have when he so much as looks at you. fear? anger? hate? you don’t know anymore, and you don’t even want to think about the emotions in him when he stares at you with such a blank face, and yet sometimes with such startling expressive eyes.

he seems to do it a lot, considering now there’s nowhere for you to run.

you shiver under the porcelain white duvet without realising it, only to hear him shift from beside you.

your bottom lip trembles when unnervingly cold fingers brush against your cheek.

“ah. did i wake you, my love?”

his voice is light, soft, even. it does nothing to soothe you.

some part of you wishes he would just yell at you, fucking hit you, or do anything than treat you with his horrifying attempts at kindness that serve more to make your bones rattle and knees shake than actually calm your nerves.

at least if he broke his demeanour you would be able to tell what he wants from you, if there’s anything more he can take from you.

the only hints you have are in the occasional bursts of emotion in his eyes. nothing you see in them calms you.

you open your own eyes, and they quickly widen at seeing him leaning over you, a soft smile on his lips.

“shh, don’t cry,” he airily voices, the thumb from the hand on your cheek slowly moving to wipe away tears you hadn’t even felt drop.

you almost flinch, as despite how clean and proper he appears to any outside viewer, you know the truth.

you know that the same hand against your face has aided in the deaths of an unknown number of people. you know that the same voice whispering to you with such gentleness has convinced others to do terrible, terrible things to both themselves and others.

“there’s no need to be afraid. i would never hurt you.”

you know he’s being honest. despite how many tantrums you threw, how many times you tried to escape from the seemingly desolate house he keeps you in, he’s never raised his voice to scare you, or his hand to hit you.

you still can’t calm the shivers to your body, shivers you and he both know are not due to the cool night breeze.

his hands move to your waist, gently grasping at the flesh that’s covered by the silky nightgown he gave you to wear.

slowly, as though approaching a startled deer, he raises his head to press a tender kiss to your forehead.

“i love you very dearly,” he whispers, his own forehead moving to press into your own so he can continue keeping his watchful gaze on you, this time precisely on your terrified eyes.

you do not know why. he never explained whatever fondness he has for you, never took the time to tell you on the night he stole you like a child in the stories of the boogeyman you were once told about, why he didn’t instead just place a bullet in your brain.

eyes clenching shut and head rolling to the side, you raise a pair of shaky hands to press at his chest, not even bothering to push.

he lets out an amused breath of air, probably the closest thing you’ll hear to a genuinely happy laugh.

“you are everything to me. my other half; my better half. the only thing left to keep me whole.”

a hand strays from your waist and slowly crawls beneath the bottom of your nightgown. the cold fingers that brush past your thighs and higher make you simultaneously shiver and freeze.

“allow me to indulge, allow us to become one.”

as his touches grow less innocent and more akin to some sort of gentle depravity, you think again on your childhood self.

you were right; boogeymen and evil in the shadows don’t exist. nothing is going to hide under your bed or in your closet, waiting to grab you and drag you somewhere no one will ever find.

some part of you wishes it had been a boogeyman to gobble you whole. crunch, crunch, crunch.

as now, you’re left with something worse than any inhuman shape lurking within the shadows. you’re left with something that doesn’t need to hide when watching you. something that doesn’t have to stay away as soon as the sun rises. something that is going to keep you alive, no matter if you no longer wish to be.

you’re left with a monster, and that of one you truly cannot escape from.

[alchemania]

Barbara, and Bennett: Toxic Positivity (and how they each exude it)

While it's easy to spot negative toxic behavior, toxic positivity can be harder to recognize and pin down. In this blog, I am going to analyze 2 characters in Genshin and explain just how they show traits of toxic positivity. (I originally was going to include Jean, but I already covered her in an earlier blog so it'd just be redundant)

Barbara Page

Barbara is all smiles and sunshine, trying her best to ensure that everyone is happy. However; she does this to an unhealthy degree and often does not prioritize her emotional wellbeing.

#1: Forcing herself to always be happy.

Barbara's story lines state that she "only allows herself to be depressed for 30 seconds" and that after that, she basically puts on a smile; regardless of what she's actually feeling. She often talks about how good everyone is to her, and I honestly believe that Barbara invalidates her own depression because in her eyes; she has a good life and there's no "reason" for her to be sad, plus if she was sad then everyone else would feel down. She hasn't experienced anything traumatic, so how can she have the right to be depressed? But the thing is, she has: her parents divorced when she was young; and Barbara grew up apart from Jean, leading to a lack of a relationship between the two. While the divorce, based on Jean's story lines, did not seem to have a lot of negativity around it (from what I can tell Simon and Frederica actually split on amiable terms, they just fell out of love with each other), it still affected Barbara in a negative way and no doubt she is hurting from it but she's not acknowledging her pain. All trauma is not the same, this is true. But all trauma IS valid; just because someone is hurting less doesn't mean they're NOT hurting and Barbara needs to understand that her pain is valid and give herself time to process it.

#2: Lack of emotional boundaries

If there's anything that Jean and Barbara have in common besides both being healers, it's that they're absolutely terrible at saying no. In Barbara's hangout, she feels guilty for avoiding Albert and wanting to be left alone despite being emotionally exhausted and even wants to apologise, despite doing nothing wrong. Later on when her fans ask for autographs; she agrees, despite being off the clock and trying to take a break: Aether has to step in personally to get people to go away, and not only that; he has to lie through his teeth in order to do so. If you tell the NPCs the truth ("Barbara is currently on leave, please don't disturb her",) they'll reply "Oh she's on leave? Perfect time to ask for an autograph!" They don't care about her feelings; all they care about is what she can do for them and the worst part is that Barbara lets them treat her like this. It's so bad that the Knights have to constantly step in and rescue her because folks can't get it in their heads that off the clock =/= available; and Barbara feels like if she can help other people that she needs to; to the detriment of her own needs. She seems to think it's selfish to put herself first; but looking out for yourself emotionally is anything but. It's okay to say no, it's okay to tell people you're not available. Just because you're free doesn't mean you're up to engage and there's nothing wrong with that. But like Sister Victoria says herself; Barbara is too nice. She gives and gives and gives and expects nothing in return, and people take advantage of that.

#3: Undermining herself through constant praise of others

In her hangout, she tells you that besides singing and healing, she doesn't have anything worthwhile about her, and then goes on about how amazing you are, Jean as well. Barbara doesn't acknowledge her positive traits, and then when she vents to you she apologizes for doing so, since you were supposed to be hanging out and having fun. She puts a lot of her worth in comparison to what other people can DO, and not actual character. Barbara is a lovely person: she's sweet and kind and loving, but because she doesn't see herself as physically strong or powerful, she doesn't think she's worth a lot.

Bennett

My GOD, Bennett is like the EPITOME of toxic positivity.

1. Allows others to mistreat him and take out their feelings on him because he feels it's his fault they're suffering (essentially, a martyr complex)

Bennett's hangout is a prime example of this where when Royce got angry, Bennett simply let him yell until you step in. Due to his almost perpetual bad luck, he feels that he's responsible for the misfortune of the people around him and since he can't physically do anything about it, he attempts to "atone" by letting himself be emotionally assaulted.

He also puts himself in physical danger to keep other people safe (he figures since he's already unlucky, might as well suffer a little more if it means everybody else is okay, right?), and accepts abandonment as the norm since he's a liability. Bennett does not value his wellbeing whatsoever due to constantly being in danger and he seems to be of the mentality "If I'm going to die, at least let me die protecting everybody" and that immensely upsets me that a KID, who's probably no older than 17, is already considering his mortality.

#2: Not allowing himself to process negative emotion

Just like Barbara, Bennett constantly forces himself to always keep a smile on, only in his case it's more to keep himself from getting overwhelmed about his situation. It's heavily implied in his story that Bennett is afraid that he could die any day (and I don't blame him) and so he lives hard and fast because he feels he doesn't have a lot of time. He's cheated death MULTIPLE times (he almost died as a baby, and he almost died prior to receiving his Vision), and Bennett more than likely feels that one day, he's not going to get lucky enough to escape again; and he'll actually die. His life is an entire string of misfortune and unlike Barbara and her parents divorce, Bennett is aware of this trauma: he simply chooses to take it in stride and forces himself to stay upbeat. Which is just as bad as letting negative emotion completely overwhelm him, it's literally just the other ditch.

Bennett also seems very sad about the fact that his team abandoned him but he doesn't let himself process that either (if you respond angrily to the revelation that his teammates left he'll jump to defend them and insist "they had their reasons"- and that may be true, but that doesn't invalidate the trauma and sadness of being left behind because of something you literally cannot control). Similar to Diluc, Bennett is sort of an Atlas of his own right, but instead of carrying all of Mondstat on his shoulders he's shouldering his emotional wellbeing: he refuses to vent to anyone and bottles everything up because he doesn't want to be a burden; but in doing so he's only hurting himself in the long run.

(Thank God for Razor though it seems like he might be hanging around for the long haul and that makes me immensely happy. I could cry. Please don't let anything bad happen to him and Bennett they deserve friendship)

I'm going to go off the beaten path a bit here but, to all you guys reading this; please remember that:

1. Your trauma is valid, regardless of how "lesser" you think it might be.

2. You are not obligated to give yourself emotionally to other people if you are not up to it. You cannot give what you do not have, and if you're not 100% emotionally wise, you really shouldn't be taking on any more negative energy. It's not selfish to take care of yourself. If people can't respect that then they're not worth your time. Set emotional boundaries and don't budge for anyone. The people who are meant to stay will honor your boundaries.

3. It's okay to be sad! And it's okay to be sad and have no idea why. It doesn't matter if you have a 'good life,' depression doesn't care who you are or where you are on your walk of life and sometimes it hits like a truck. Your sadness is valid and don't be afraid to take the time you need to acknowledge and process your negative emotions.

Please take care of yourselves, friends; and be safe.

Have a good day. 💗

[definitely-not-karen]

My unnecessary and irrelevant reviews about the transformers media I have consumed.

Please let me have this. I was doom scrolling and transformers is my comfort fandom.

G1: I have not watched all of it, I do plan on doing so but I did watch it when I was younger and does invoke nostolgia. I watched it on Teletoon Retro (does that even exist anymore?) ((just googled it, rip teletoon retro)). For some reason I really like the episode The Ultimate Weapon. I am a huge fan of First Aid and it was because of this episode and I have no idea why. Rodimus is the main character of that episode with First Aid just having a very prominent role in the side story of that episode. I really liked the Aerialbots and their storyline with the time traveling and the not knowing if they’re on the right side was really cool. Honestly the animation errors and weird inconsistent story are part of the charm I guess.

RID 2001: another show I’ve only seen tidbits of. I watched this one via random episodes illegally uploaded to YouTube in the early to mid 2010s and now all those videos are taken down. As a lover of camp, this is camp. I love it. Transformers as a concept is pretty camp (which is why I adore it) and I definitely will watch all of this one day. Though Sideburn is cool and all, I do wish he didn’t chase a red sports car every episode. Otherwise he’s one of my favourites cause himbo rights I guess.

Transformers IDW 2005: So... I read the entirety of the idw comics purely because I found out Thundercracker was a screenplay writer and I wanted to read the entire story so I got the complete context of his development from scary fighter jet to an Oscar winner. I was not disappointed, I was met with queer and trans representation of all sorts, a diverse storyline with action filled parts, comedy elements, slice of life, political drama, adventure, horror, and the best road trip through space. Honestly I was not expecting transformers of all things to have queerness represented so casually and quite well in my opinion (though technically they are guilty of bury your gays, I don’t count it cause there was a clear reason for that death) Thundercracker was marked as one of my favourites cause of this series. I did experience a wonderful story because I wanted to see how he got his happy ending. My biggest criticism of idw transformers is that I love their interpretations of characters and sadly I know I’ll probably never get to seen them like that again. But if I want to experience those characters like that, I’ll just re read it I guess.

Transformers Animated: I have watched the entirety of this great show twice and it still love it. Funny characters, a human character that has a purpose, and a fun change to the formula, Transformers Animated has one of my favourite Optimus and made a Bumblebee so lovably loud they had to take away his voice so he wouldn’t become too powerful. Loved all of the characters except the human villains, Headmaster did not age well and I wasn’t in love with Ratchet’s design but his personality more than made up for it. If you want more animated, I love Transformers ReAnimated the void is filled by that series and channel. While I wish it got another season, it’s ending was satisfying enough I guess.

Transformers Prime: Smokescreen is great and was underutilizes -100/10. Just kidding, kind of I really enjoyed Prime. I’ve only watched through it completely once cause when I was a child I did not like the designs since apparently as a child I was a G1 loyalist I guess. Though now Prime has one of my favourite styles that still holds up today. Dramatic story with actual character development, I can over look that the plots a tad slow. I wish Breakdown was utilized more and it also could have benefited from an extra season but the movie wrapped it up much better than animated’s ending. Knockout is an amazing character and I was spoiled while I was watching it that he turns Autobot though I didn’t realize that wasn’t until the literal end of the series. Would’ve like a completely fleshed out Breakdown and Knockout or at least Knockout redemption arc but there’s always fanfiction I guess.

Robots in Disguise 2015: I didn’t hate it? It definitely helped that I watched this before Prime for some reason. I liked the designs, Sideswipe... himbo rights. Biggest flaw is the lack of character growth. I just want nice things for Sideswipe, Strongarm and Fixit. Grimlock was fun, I like Bumblebee trying to be a good leader and Optimus should have stayed dead. The crossover and referenced to Rescue Bots was fun and Blurr and Sideswipe was the rivalry I didn’t know I needed. But the one I really needed was Smokescreen in there too. The ending arc was interesting though not executed the best and Steeljaw did a lot of the heavy lifting for the villain side to a point where they over utilized him and his character suffered as a result. Windblade was not as bad as people online said she was, splitting the group up into two was stupid cause I’m bitter and still don’t want Optimus there. Also long list of underutilization: Denny and Russel Clay, Jazz, all the characters from prime except Optimus and Bee, Jetfire and Jetstorm, More Rescue bots, and many more! Like that girl that’s Russel’s friend that I literally don’t remember because I’m pretty sure the writers forgot about her! Anyways, in retrospect the show probably wasn’t great but I liked it I guess.

Rescue Bots: This show is way better than it needed to be. I actually love the no Decelticons and war. I’m a sucker for slice of life and especially slice of life with a twist. Human villains that were actually interesting, actual character development, continuity (somewhat), great human characters all while being target for children. I’m so happy I watched this show while I was kind of the target age and rewatching it for the third time was great cause some of the science jargon actually made sense to me. Satisfying ending too and honestly it can just appeal to everyone. Love all four of the main rescue bots and constantly wish they made evergreen designs and toys for them so they could at least make cameos in other transformers media. Sometimes it’s nice to have transformers being wholesome I guess.

Rescue Bots Academy: ... I was not the age democratic for this show and I somehow still liked it? Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been gravitating to more wholesome content due to current events but it was actually good? Love all the students, I do miss the old crew and characters like Doc Green and Frankie are under utilized and the Burns family is almost nowhere to be found :(. Once again there’s some actual character development and Hot Shot’s mentor relationship with Heatwave is super sweet. Also actually having positive post war Decepticon and Autobot relationships in this children’s show? Woah. Biggest issue is like RID 2015; the lack of continuity and characters completely disappearing. Perceptor was fun and I was not expecting him to appear. And I love me some microscope dude. It was a good send off for the aligned continuity I guess.

Cyberverse: ending too soon. I was about to be upset that bumblebee didn’t have his voice but he had his voice in his head which was great. Episodes like the velocitron one was really good and it definitely got better with each season and peaked in the Quintesson arc and then rolled to the cancellation date. Thundercracker shouldn’t have been killed off but I’m very biased. Seeing the rebuilding of Cybertron was cool. Windblade and Bumblebee had a fun relationship. I really liked this iteration of Grimlock. Perceptor was super interesting but then they did nothing with him after the Quintesson arc which was a shame and I would have liked to see better relationships between the Autobots and Decepticons after the team up. Also wholesome Whirl was fun. Honestly this needed one more season so bad. I just think it could have been great if it got one. But it’s still good I guess.

War for Cybertron: ...let’s see how I feel after Kingdom comes out but right now, meh. For me my favourite transformers characters usually end up being side characters due to me wishing they had more screen time so in this case, Red Alert is great please show me more of Red Alert. I get what all the people are saying about the voice acting and whatever but I can look past it (though please give us Peter Cullen or let the current VC make his own Optimus voice). But one thing is that all the YouTube reviewers be saying that I completely agree with is that it’s dark. Like lighting wise. I occasionally had trouble making out what was happening because it was dark. Honestly my biggest issue isn’t a fault of the show. I like development of multiple characters to be shown so I can fall in love with a multitude of characters but due to short seasons, it makes sense to focus in completely on one character at a time. Siege in my opinion at least let me see more of the background characters rather than Earthrise but I’d probably like Earthwise more if I was a bigger fan of Optimus. I’m going to watch Kingdom but I’m not expecting to be wowed I guess.

In conclusion, I should watch Beast Wars, I’m going to re read the ending of Lost Light again and revel in the melancholic ending I adore and I really like Thundercracker and First Aid. One great thing about transformers and other franchises that have been around for awhile, if you don’t like the current thing, there’s plenty of last media and you probably won’t need to wait too long for the next piece of media you’ll hopefully like.

Please be good idw 2019, I’ve read a bit of you and I have a scrap of hope. Oh please please please be good. Give some characters the Thundercracker treatment.

[makeste]

I really want to know your opinion on this : do you think OFA's secret should be shared with more than just Bakugou? And if so, who? I really love your weekly reactions (you're hilarious) and your metas (you're so articulate!!!!) (´｡• ω •｡`)

first of all, thank you so much! ( ॢ•͈ᴗ•͈ॢ)

as for your question, it’s a bit complicated. my answer is both yes and no. I’ll start with the “no” part, I guess.

so here’s the thing: I absolutely, 100% fully support All Might’s decision to keep OFA secret. I really can’t stress this enough -- this is not something they were keeping hidden for funsies. “the Power Of All Might is something that can be shared and passed on from person to person, and he gave it to a fifteen-year-old boy” is not just something to be spread around lightly; if it got out to the wrong person, it could literally destroy Izuku’s life.

to the villains, he becomes a target, as we’ve already seen. we’re talking about the power of All Might for fuck’s sake. of course he’s a target. it’s the one power that can stand up to even All for One himself. villains would be coming after him pretty much every day of the week. if they don’t know about the “OFA can only be given up willingly” part, they simply try to take the quirk by force. but if they do know about it, that makes it even worse, because that’s when they start getting into methods of coercing him. hostages; torture; you name it. give us OFA or we’ll kill these innocent people. give us OFA or we’ll hurt your family and friends. his mom would have to go into hiding. he would never be safe again.

to the general public, and to agencies like the HPSC, Izuku becomes the subject of heated political controversy, and a potential government pawn. how could All Might do something so irresponsible as entrusting the greatest power in the world into the hands of a quirkless fifteen-year-old?? now the world is left without its Symbol of Peace, and with no one who’s ready to step in and fill those shoes. why didn’t he give OFA to someone with more power, more experience? this is unacceptable. Izuku should give it up to someone else. Hawks, or Best Jeanist, or Endeavor. people are very easily whipped into a frenzy; all it would take is a few viral opinion pieces, and the nation would probably be demanding the government to step in and force Izuku to relinquish it. some citizens might even take it upon themselves to try and capture him if they got desperate enough. even the other pros would probably be pressuring him. as for the HPSC, I wouldn’t put it past them to try and take control/custody of Izuku themselves and claim that it’s a matter of national security or whatnot. they’d have the best of intentions of course. just trying to keep the world safe. but they’re trending much more Hydra than S.H.I.E.L.D. these days, so who knows how badly that could end.

to Izuku’s schoolmates and friends, he becomes one of two things; either the object of mistrust or envy, or else someone to be protected at all costs. for most of them it would be the latter, since they really are good kids. but there’d be some people -- not in his class perhaps, but it’s a big school -- who’d no doubt be echoing the same thoughts as the public at large. he doesn’t deserve it, he’s not strong enough, etc., you get the idea. and if and when the villain attacks and threats -- “give us OFA or else” -- inevitably began to crop up as mentioned, all of the blame would fall down on him. “just give it to someone else who can handle it. why are you so selfish. this isn’t just about you; you’re putting everyone else in danger.”

and for the ones who don’t turn on him, who stay by his side and defend him, there’s still the fact that doing so puts them in danger as well. these kids are heroes. and if you entrust a hero with something that must be protected at all costs, they will protect it. at all costs. which is yet another burden to add to Izuku’s shoulders as now it’s not only his own safety he has to fear for, but that of his friends and loved ones. and if anything happened to them because of him, that’s not something he would ever get over.

so yeah. it’s insanely dangerous. and none of the above is even taking into account that there is a traitor at U.A., and they still don’t know who it is. so given all of that, it’s no wonder All Might insisted that Deku keep it a secret. and then of course Deku went and told Kacchan anyway, which even Kacchan was mad about once he realized the gravity of what he’d been told. but at least Kacchan is someone Deku’s known literally as long as he can remember, and there’s virtually no chance of him being a secret traitor. the same cannot be said for almost anyone else. we all know that they can be trusted, yes. but All Might doesn’t know that. even Aizawa, who is the one other person I’d argue should still have been told, was still a prime suspect in the traitor investigation due to him being one of the few people who could have communicated the information about the class schedule and the training camp’s whereabouts. we know he is not the traitor. we know he would literally die for any one of these kids. but the other characters do not know that for sure, and even Aizawa himself would probably agree that the rational thing under those circumstances would be to trust absolutely no one, with no exceptions. it’s the safest thing to do for Izuku’s sake in a situation where there is relatively little to be gained from telling other people, and potentially everything to lose by doing so. again, we already know there is at least one person in or linked to class 1-A who is not what they seem, who has managed to earn the trust of everyone, and who is connected to the League. that is just not a situation you can afford to fuck around with. “well we really like all these kids a lot and we’ve gotten to know them and we’re pretty sure they’re all on the up and up” is just not good enough when we are literally talking about a matter of life and death for a sixteen-year-old child.

so that’s the “no” part of my answer. I don’t think the secret should be shared. or at least, that would have been my answer before Shigaraki Tomura woke up from his three-month nap and was all “GOD I REALLY WANT ONE FOR ALL”, and Endeavor was all “ONE FOR ALL WHAT IS THAT”, and Izuku was all “HEY MISTER ENDEAVOR SIR, JUST SO YOU KNOW, SHIGARAKI IS AFTER ME”, and Aizawa was all “I don’t know what the fuck is going on here, but I too heard ‘One for All’ on the comm, and have also deduced that for some reason Shigaraki Tomura is targeting my student, because most of the time I’m the one who’s actually holding on to the two brain cells that all of the pro heroes collectively share.”

so now that all of that has gone down, I think the situation has changed enough where, moving forward, at the very least Endeavor and Aizawa will have to be let in on the secret. because if not, they’re probably going to start doing their own investigations into it and could wind up accidentally spilling the beans to EVERYONE. so at the very least they will (and should) know. and this also applies to anyone else who stumbles across this battle before it wraps up, and thus also starts putting the pieces together. I think this will be Shouto and Ochako and Iida, potentially, which I’ll be glad to see happen if that is the case. because even though I firmly believe not telling them earlier was the right call, that doesn’t mean I don’t want them to know about it. they’re his friends, and they’ve earned his trust and care about his wellbeing. I think and hope that they’ll understand why they weren’t told earlier, and I hope they don’t blame Izuku for it at all, because it absolutely is not his fault. he made a promise to All Might, and All Might, as I’ve stated, had very good reasons for keeping this on the DL.

and by the way, it also would not surprise me at all if in spite of all the precautions they’ve taken, the secret actually DOES get revealed to the world at large eventually. at which point I’m almost positive every single thing I mentioned above will come to pass, and Izuku will be in for one hell of a rough ride. the upside though is that at least he’ll have a bigger support network to help him get through it. and also he is a much stronger, smarter, and more capable person than he was even just a year ago, and he’s better equipped to handle it now than he might have been before. it’s much harder to argue “this child should not have been given OFA” when said child is now capable of using 45% power instead of just 5% and/or 100%-but-his-entire-body-gets-destroyed-in-the-process. also harder to argue when said child has since UNLOCKED THE POWER OF SIXQUIRKS which not even All Might managed to do, so suck on that!! of course, that in turn opens the door to suspicion about him being connected to AFO, which is a whole new set of problems. OFA really is just a humongous pain in the ass in a lot of ways lmao.

anyway, so I hope that answers your question! no I don’t think they should have told anyone earlier, but I do think they should come clean to a few people now, since they’ve basically been all but found out anyway. and I will be happy to have those people included in the OFA Scooby Squad moving forward. they’re going to have to get a bigger clubhouse though I guess.

[jjuzoir]

To Date Itaru Chigasaki

Request: “insert here”

A/N: I had to split the request in 2 posts!! due to formatting 🙇‍♀️ so sorry!!

- You two met at a gaming shop!

- You were looking for a gift for your best friend’s younger sister, as much as you liked games yourself- buying one for a 12 year old was another story.

- You were freaking out- you had been in the store for almost an hour searching and nothing would come up.

- You were afraid of not getting a gift at all- that is until you felt a tap from a man in a suit.

- “You look like you’re ten seconds away from crying,” Itaru looked at you, “Need some help?”

- He didn’t know why he’d helped you, you were kind of cute and, unlike with other things, he was a bit more open to helping others when it came to video games.

- “Please,” you turned around, “I need a game for a 12 year old but I just don’t know! I-I don’t want her to think I think she’s a child but she can’t play anything too… you know, grown up or else her parents will kick my ass.” You whine, maybe if things had gone better you’d be embarrassed but embarrassment is simply something you cannot feel right now, you’re against the clock and you’re tired.

- “Hmm, a 12 year old girl… thought about Puppy Crossing?”

- And that’s how you spent the next 30 minutes, discussing a game for the kid with a 20-something year old blue collar.

- By the end you had bought the gift plus a recommendation Itaru had given you based on your short, but surprisingly sweet, interaction.

- The second time you met was, again, at the store but this time it was for you instead of a kid. Thankfully.

- He was wearing another suit, you guessed he really was an office worker; what was he doing here though? What business would guy with such a high paying job, you assumed by his suit and clothes, have in such a small game store in the middle of a gaming street.

- You shrugged it off before returning to browsing, you really shouldn’t judge.

- After a few minutes he noticed you and approached you asking about the game he’d recommended for the girl last time. After gladly informing him about the success the gift had- both of you quickly began talking about the game he’d recommended you.

- After that you two began meeting up in the shop- not on purpose or anything, it just kind of happened.

- In most situations he might’ve been annoyed but for some reason he couldn’t really bring himself to be mad. He enjoyed being able to shamelessly talk about games, online and competitive, pay to win or free to play, with a cute person who didn’t judge him.

- It became a weekly occurrence and you really enjoyed it. Eventually he asked you out on a date, it’d be in an internet cafe near the store, and you said yes.

- You were looking forward to being able to know him better, not in a store or just as friends but maybe… as a possible s/o? You slap your cheeks at the thought, silly [Name], that wouldn’t happen... right?

- That is until he called in sick stating he had grown ill with the flu and you were worried, he sounded like he was in hell based on the phone call. He was coughing, his voice sounded muffled, he kept sneezing too, you were surprised he could even dial with how bad he sounded.

- When you tried to call him his number went straight to voicemail so you did what anyone would do;

- You called in to his home number (which he had given you when he gave you his business card, yes he gave you his business card instead of giving you his phone number like a normal person).

- “Hello, Izumi Tachibana speaking.” Your heart kind of stops when you hear a woman’s voice and you wonder if maybe you’d been a side piece, but thinking back to Itaru and how he acted with you - you doubted it.

- “Izumi? Ah, eh… is a Itaru Chigasaki there?”

- “Itaru? Yes, I can give him a message, who’s calling?”

- “Ah, tell him it’s [Name] from the store, I was just worried about him…”

- “[Name], huh? Wait, you mean you’re [Name] [Last Name]?”

- “Ehh… yes?”

- Turns out Itaru had told his roommate maybe wife maybe kid(?) about you?

- You didn’t know he had roommates, he looked well off so why couldn’t he afford a house? Maybe she was a girlfriend and they were in a open relationship? So many questions…

- You thought you wouldn’t really mind but it turns out your cheeks were now bright red when Izumi explained how Itaru had been talking about you often and promptly invited you to check up on Itaru, who was in fact ill. She also gave you a rundown of the situation, turns out he was part of some acting company and she was the director, so with a lighter heart you decided to take her up on going over to check on him.

- Big mistake.

- You were going to stop by after work, you decided, you’d also go and buy him some soup for his stomach just in case. You arrived at the house and welcomed inside by a smiling Tachibana and a strange bird before you were given a rundown of some rules.

- “Knock first, always knock first. If you hear anything between a grunt or a yes you’re in the clear, if you hear anything like a groan or a curse wait before knocking again. If you happen to hear something falling over or a scream I’ll text you when it’s safe for you to come over again. You seem like a nice person, so please don’t forget any of the rules! Now- go!”

- She quickly pushed you in front of the door and knocked for you before bolting behind the stairs, you received a quick thumbs up before she hid again.

- You were now alone in a dorm room looking for a grown man who had called in sick to a date with you, this wasn’t exactly how you thought your friday evening was going to go. You knock the door and put your ear next to the wood… no grunt, had Izumi explained what a no-grunt meant?

- You look at her general direction where she looks confused but encourages you to go in, so you shrug it off before turning the handle around - you end up falling over when the door is opened by the man of the hour himself.

- “Oi, Izumi- now that this match is over you can come in with the-! Ah… [Name], this is… embarrassing,” Itaru had turned around ready to scold Izumi when instead he came to see you.

- He looked like shit- he really did, not only because he was sick but because his room was a mess. You knew he liked gaming but this… this was too extreme, was this what they called a gap moe?

- “What the hell…?”

- He invites you in quickly- shoving chips and cans left and right before sitting you down on a couch.

- “What are you doing here- ACHOO!”

- You explained how worried you were about him- how he didn’t answer your calls and so you came to visit with soup (you felt the need to highlight the soup).

- He thanked you for the thought before looking around the room awkwardly remarking it’d be best you left- the flu was contagious after all.

- It was an awkward reaction, even for him- something Izumi doesn’t fail to note once you leave, unlike when anyone else would come in; Itaru couldn’t find it in himself to scold you or threaten you with an immediate and painful death.

- You leave the room quickly and wave goodbye- but not before he slips you a note with a bunch of numbers scribbled on.

- When you arrive home that night you finally realise what it said; it was his friend code.

- And that’s how your first date was on a island in ACNH he made for the date. And that’s how he asked you out too.

- Fucking nerd.

- You were crafting some furniture for your island (which he had happily helped you plan out) when he asks you out via chat.

- Your response? You used the shocked and glad reactions, the only valid reaction.

- Dating him includes video game dates; any server based game multiplayer is used to seeing you two doing some cringe couple shit.

- You will have to bathe him, he can go days without taking a bath so get ready to shove him in a tub.

- He’s not very good at being a boyfriend sometimes, he struggles in the emotional aspect. He’ll base himself a lot in dating sims, like it’s kind of cute but it can be scary if he uses the wrong dating sim.

- Will kabedon you for 2 reasons and 2 reasons only; one, he genuinely wants to know if it works like ??? does it really make people swoon is it really that cool ?? and two, it’s been a life long dream of his let him have this.

- Itaru can be both mature and kind of childish, you’ll have to stomach a lot of tantrums when you get in the way of gaming. But he’s also not a kid, he can be surprisingly mature when he wants to.

- He takes the relationship very seriously, most of the time; he genuinely likes you and he tries to leave gaming but he struggles.

- So, you decide to combine two things; you + games. You’ll go visit him often and play games together on his couch.

- He’s so fucking happy when you do that, it’s cute. He doesn’t mind you using his clothes but do not touch his yellow-tiger bomber jacket he only uses when gaming. Do not.

- Itaru will let you play with his hair while he plays games, he lets you use butterfly clips and shit too.

- Just don’t expect him to go out like that he’ll fucking riot.

- “Banri will freak out-“ “Omi bring the camera Itaru has fucking butterfly-clips on, Taichi film this shit- he’s wearing clips! And they’re buttefly ones, funniest shit I’ve seen!”

- Banri 100% teases the fuck out of him when it comes to you but Itaru will come back with some cheesy shit to make him uncomfortable.

- “It’s not my fault we two fell in love-“

- “I swear to fucking god if you go on another rant I’ll destroy you and your whole blood line with my pinky.”

- The dorm is kind of surprised how much more social Itaru can be with you- they’re so used to seeing him shut himself in with games, but now that you two are together he comes out more often to spend time with you.

- He can be kind of cold and emotionally distant but after awhile you learn that that’s just how Itaru works. He’s kind of aloof and awkward and he can come off as rude sometimes? He just be like that you know.

- That both the shut-in gamer and businessman are the same guy and that you… l*ve him for it.

- Play games with him please- just do it.

[saitamaandmanakoblog]

Manako’s PTSD: The Hero Training Test: 2/2

ZombieMan didn’t know why, but she got the distinct impression that the monster was apologizing for something more than her breakdown. Regardless, he wasn’t about to let his coworkers see her like this, so he took an alternate route to Doctors office.

“Oh dear.” She said the moment she saw ZombieMan with an injured monster passed out in his arms. The monster had a death grip on him even though she’s asleep.

“Testing accident ended up triggering some sort of flashback.” ZombieMan explained. “She didn’t recognize me, and asked if her gang is ok.”

She thinks that I was Mikey and asked if Foapy,MooMoo And Vend was ok.

“Strange…” Her brows furrowed before she turned to tend to his injuries. Manako was barely able to tear the monsters from his arms, and when he did, the she whimpered lightly.

“Mmm She seems very attached to who ever is making her feel safe.” “That’s probably because Saitama always has Bright Light in his pouch.”

“I have to inform the other minister about this development.” He sighed. “Call me when she wakes up. If she’s still in the flashback, I should be able to bring her out of it unless Caped Boldi is here.”

“Right. Thank you for the heads up.”

With that, ZombieMan closed the door behind him. Ugh, today was mess up already. He shook his head. He still had to deal with SweetMask. But first, he needed to inform the other Staff of the now obvious PTSD that Manako had. Ask how Saitama deal with her all the time.

He sent off a quick text to his coworkers. Luckily, it was most everyone’s free period, so Silver Fang, Agoni, the Bearded Workers, The Branch Operator, Bespectacled Workers and Console Operator were all in the Staff Room. He’d have to inform Sekingar of the situation later.

“ZombieMan ? What’s wrong, I thought you were observing the heroes?” Sekingar eyes flashed in concern when he noted the dust and blood on his outfit.

“There was an incident. SweetMask disobeyed a direct order and used an attack of lethal force on Manako.” The room stiffened. “She’s fine. Somehow Bright Light managed to dodge the collapsing building , but her leg got hit pretty badly. She’s in the Doctors Office, now. But the attack triggered a flashback. I was only barely able to pull her out of it.”

“A flashback?” Silver Fang asked in concern.

“She was talking about hearing ‘Mobs’ nearby, and her eyes were tracking invisible enemies. Bright Light was so quiet I almost didn’t find her. But she seemed to recognize me as someone else.” His brows knitted together in concern.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Sekingar asked.

“That’s the thing. She called me ‘Mikey’, and only reacted when I called her by her given name.”

“That’s… strange.” Agoni conceded.

“She also asked about ‘Foap’, ‘MooMoo’, and Vent’.” ZombieMan looked at Silver Fang and Sekingar, She came back to herself before she passed out, but if anything happens again and I’m not around, I think you two could manage to pull her out of a flashback if Saitama is not around, also maybe King too but he’s outside with the other heroes.”

“That’s actually very concerning, having to have Bright Light call me by her friends name.”Unknown scratched her head.

“Do you two know her outside of Hero Work?” Silver Fang asked.

“Yes, we befriended each other after I helped her down from a tree.”

(Manako was being bullied and got hang by a tree, while Child Emperor ask ZombieMan for help.)

“I think we should all keep a closer eye on her. Any idea what specifically triggered it?” Staff A asked.

“Ah… maybe I can answer that question.” TG said, coming into the room. ZombieMan glanced at the clock—it was already the end of the day. “Before the start of the match Bright Light came up to me and confessed that she had bad reactions to crashes and loud noises. I assumed Bright Light was uncomfortable, and said that she was going to talk to Mike or Saitama at the end of the week about it. She wanted to switch partners, but…”

“But you made her face SweetMask anyways.” Silver Fang pinched the bridge of his nose.

“How irresponsible.” Agoni tutted. “Didn’t you read the Hero’s Handbook?”

“Handbook?” TG questioned, causing the entire room to groan.

“Here.” Zekingar chucked the handbook almost hitting his face. “Certain staffs or Ministers is required to have that memorized before even setting foot in a Hero Training Test Room or some certain kind of Office .” He crossed his arms.

“Page twenty-five talks about what to do when a Hero who’s suspected of having a traumatic experience in the past confesses a possible trigger.” Zekingar stated dryly, sending TG a mild glare of his own. “In short, you excuse a hero from the situation that could re-traumatize them, and inform their homeroom coworkers privately before informing the rest of the staff.”

“In this case, you would’ve given her a different opponent and kept a closer eye on him while she observed SweetMask’s fight.” Silver Fang stepped in. “Immediately after the test, you would’ve informed me or someone else of the situation, before I informed the rest of the staff to prevent re-traumatizing her.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” ZombieMan sighed. “You can apologize to Bright Light later after Miss.Doctor and Saitama have cleared her. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a rebellious brat to discipline.” He paused in the doorway. “Silver Fang , I think you or Zekingar should go see if Bright Light is okay. She’ll probably respond better to you two than anyone else right now.” He sent them meaningful looks and the two smiled.

“I’ll go. The Little monster is growing on me.” Silver Fang grinned, heading out the door, closing it behind him with a soft click.

“I’ll inform King” Silver Fang sighed.

“Thank you.”

Time Skip

ZombieMan sighed as he watched SweetMask leave the office. His punishment was light, in Agoni’s opinion, but there wasn’t much they could do for a 1 S Class Hero. So he’d be on restriction for 3 weeks. Allowed to participate in his concert activities while attending Spas when ever he likes.

He looked up when the door opened. Child Emperor had wanted to speak with Manako regarding the incident, and had Flashy Flash and Silver Fang accompany him up to the office. He was bandaged, and had a light scratches, but looked fine otherwise. He looked a little tired, but that was probably from the stress of the crumbling building while Flashy Flash tried to save both of their lives.

“You feeling better?” ZombieMan asked, and the monster nodded. He didn’t miss the way kid relaxed when he saw Manako sitting there. The boy was unusually attached to Bright Light, and once of his life he couldn’t figure out why.

“Welcome, Child Emperor. Please have a seat.” ZombieMan motioned, and Silver Fang stood to leave.

“A-actually, You three can stay if you want?” Bright Light spoke up, and Flashy Flash sat back down. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t curious. He saw the expression mirrored on the other two heroes’ faces.

“I understand that you had quite the experience today. I wanted to apologize for you getting hurt.” ZombieMan said.

“Oh, that’s not your fault. SweetMask’s always has a strong hate towards Monsters off handedly. “I’d have to be more careful if I’d had new who I was sparing, but that’s my fault for not doing my research.”

ZombieMan stared. This monster is surprisingly mature.

“Either way,” Silver Fang, handing a cup of tea to the monster, who took it gratefully. “I’d like to know what exactly triggered your flashback earlier. To prevent any future setbacks, and to keep you on the right track, you need to inform us of any major trauma in your past.”

“W-wait… you mean I’m not getting kicked out of the Hero Association?” She blinked in shock.

Child Emperor startled. “Of course you aren’t.” He stated. “Bright Light, nine out of ten heroes have PTSD or something similar. It comes with the job. To disqualify a hero hopeful for something you’ll likely get anyways is illogical. But we can help you with it before Saitama picks you up.”

She relaxed substantially, and Flashy Flash wondered if that had been weighing on her this entire time. Was she worried about Saitama getting worried?

“I’m sorry. I just…”

“It’s okay, Bright Light . We’re here to help you.” Silver Fang spoke up, and Bright Light sent him a small gentle smile. There was a tinge of sorrow there, though, and he noticed that Manako’s hands are shaking grasping her outfit, like she’s trying to not feel uncomfortable or Nervous.

“I… Part of it is collapsing buildings that reminds me of collapsing caves sometimes. And the smell of decaying bodies… and unfortunately, the burning smell of used TNT 🧨 and whatever else was in a cave mines happened to smell similar enough to, um… well… a building or loud noises and screams but that barely triggers me sometimes.”

Dead bodies?! Child Emperor stiffened, along with the other heroes. What kind of situation had this Monster been through? As far as he knew, The Monster Association must have mess up Manako a lot…, and also the part that it’s hard to find good information or records indicating anything about Monster Association.

Though it was possible that something had happened during that time where the whole world didn’t know about the monsters existed and then no one bothered to document it due to her being a Monster status in the current society. As much as Silver Fang hated it, some people just didn’t care about the civilians monsters who was not part of the evil Monster Association. Also the part that 3/100 monsters are evil instead of good ones like Manako, good monsters barely exist.

“Mostly, the biggest thing is silent or being alone when I don’t feel safe.” She spoke quietly, and Silver Fang noticed it now. He shifted in his seat. He did that in Hero Meeting, too. The monster was always making some kind of small, quiet noise. “The silence with the following creepy sounds or threatening sound are the worst. They tend to scare me or send me into…”

“Flashbacks.” ZombieMan finished for her.

“Yeah. So you saw that?” She winced.

“Yes. Nobody else did, But you did call me Mikey thought.” Manako flinched lightly.

“I-I’m sorry, sir. I meant no offense.”

“I’m not offended, just curious.”

The look on the Manako’s face told him that she was embarrassed, and ashamed. But her eyes told Silver Fang a different story. Grief, regret, anger, loss. The emotions were overwhelming and Flashy Flash looked away, feeling like he was violating some part of the monster privacy just by reading Manako’s eyes. It’s not a open book 📖 but he did catch a few things from that look.

“Can you explain what kind of experience brought on this trauma?” ZombieMan asked gently.

“I…” The monster looked out of the window beside Child Emperor for a moment, and ZombieMan was briefly afraid that she’d fallen into another flashback. “I lost some humans or Monsters very dear to me. It when the Monsters Associated found out that I was being friends on the enemies side… there was this terrible silence afterwards…” She gently touched her right arm. “I’ll never forget that screams. I had to choose to ditch the plans or continue plan B since she wanted to distract the others, but…” Manakos hand clenched, and ZombieMan knew what had happened. Manako had been forced to choose between two options that were precious to her. Likely, if Manako had stayed and ditch plan B and try to help the other, all of her gang would be dead. This Monster was way too young to have an experience like that. To have to make that kind of choice…

Child Emperor looked ready to cry, and Silver Fang looked heartbroken. Even Flashy Flash looked mildly disturbed, though he quickly masked it before Manako could notice.

At the very least, Bright Light already had what it took to be a Hero/Sidekick , of that ZombieMan was now certain. Not many people could even make that kind of choice. Flashy Flash took a moment to digest this information.

“Thank you for telling us, Bright Light.

Are you getting help for your trauma at least?”

“I was going to go visit them in the end of the week, after the test.”

“Good, you’ll start those meetings tomorrow during your free time, then.” ZombieMan smiled. “Now, on to the topic originally scheduled for today—the Hero Test.” Manako relaxed almost completely.

If Silver Fang hadn’t seen how tense she was a minute ago, he wouldn’t have suspected anything. It was like she flipped a switch. Manako was way too good at hiding trauma. Looked like the staff needed to up their game.

Before he can say anything else someone Knocked the door 🚪.

“Can I come in? I’m here to take my friend home.”

“Yay! Saitama your back!

Manako ran up and jump to hugged 🫂 Saitama in happiness.

“It’s nice to see you again Saitama.” Silver Fang said in relief.

“Bye everyone!”

Saitama put Manako in his pouch and left with a wave 👋.

....

“I wanted to know how did Bright Light got that Smoke Screen Bomb.” ZombieMan said in disappointment.

The End

[jokertrap-ran]

SinoAlice: Guild Co-op Event - The Songful Banquet of Cherry Blossoms Translation

*Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Welcome to my whims. Hameln is fine.

問題デス。春とイエバ！？ Question, question! What does Spring entail?

モチロン！潮干狩りとキャンプですネ！ It’s got to be clamming and camping, of course!

確かに以前の春は潮干狩りデシタが…… アレは春イベントに水着ヲ出せト言われたプランナーが苦シ紛れに考えたモノ。 I know we did clamming last year for the Spring Event, but that was only because the Planner managed to come up with the idea of swimsuits after much turmoil...

言わば産みノ苦しみノ歴史なのデス。 ソレを思い出サセルのは鬼畜の所業デスよ！ In other words, it’s the dark history of how it came to be; one of pain and suffering. Only a demon would make one shudder to remember such a time!

ソンな内情をブチマケラレましても…… Even if that’s how it truly is on the inside...

トニカクやり直しデス。春とイエバ！？ In any case, let’s start from the beginning again. When it’s Spring, it’s-!?

エ、エエ～ット……お花見……とか？ Um, errrr…Flower viewing, perhaps...?

ピンポーン！正解デス！！Bingo! That’s right!!

エッ、本当に！？ソンな正攻法でイイノ！？ Huh? What!? Something as straightforward as that does it!?

ええ。タマにはストレートも必要デス。 Of course. Simple is best, sometimes.

ワ～イ！お花見オ花見、楽しいナ！嬉しいナ！ Yay~! Flower viewing~! We’re going to be flower viewing! Oh, how fun! How exciting!

余興ノ人員も揃えマシタ。 まずはグレーテル、さらにシンデレラ、そしてハーメルンです。 The entertainers have already been gathered. First, we’ll have Gretel, followed by Cinderella and Hameln.

スゴイ！最初から混乱しか予想デキナイ！ That’s amazing! I can foresee the chaos and confusion they’ll bring right from the get-go!

お花見ナンテおかしくなったモン勝ちデスよ。 The one who makes for the most chaotic Flower Viewing wins.

じゃア、この3人ニハ早速余興ヲ──ん？ 誰か来たヨウですが ……コレは……？ Should we get the 3 entertainers started now then? Hmm? There seems to be someone headed this way? ...This is…?

……ナルホド。まあイイでしょう。飛び込み参加モ大歓迎デス！ ゲストを迎えテ楽しくヤリましょう！ I see...Well, that works too. Any last minute participants are welcomed to jump in anytime! Let’s all enjoy ourselves together with the guests!

ソウですネ。トテモ楽しくナリそうデス。 エエ。とても……ネ。 Yes, this looks like it’ll be real fun. Absolutely so, indeed...

━━━━━━━━━━∘◦ ♯ ❀ ♯ ◦∘━━━━━━━━━━━━━

一度だけ。 友達に連れられて、アイドルのライブに 行った事がある。 Once. Just once, did I ever attend an Idol’s concert at the insistence of my friend who dragged me along.

それはまさに、夢の世界だった。 It was a world akin to a dream; something I never thought possible.

━━━━━━━━━━∘◦ ♯ ❀ ♯ ◦∘━━━━━━━━━━━━━

「みんなー！今日は　ハ　ナ　のライブに 来てくれてアリガトウ！ハナにピッタリ のこの場所で、最っ高の歌を聴いていっ てね！」 “Everyone~! Thank you all for coming to     Hana’s     live today! I’ll grace your ears with the best and greatest song out there in this perfect place of mine!”

薄紅の花びらが舞う、酒に似合いの風景 に安如として乱入してきた『ライブラリ  No.1の　ア　イ　ド　ル　』とやらば、 クソが１００回つくようなくッッッッソ ド下手な歌を勝手に歌いだした。 The scenery was well-suited to a cup of sake, the air aflutter with the pink petals of the cherry blossoms. If only the place hadn’t been jacked by the “Library’s No.1    Idol   ” Speaking of, she’s so bad at it that she's about a 100 times shittier than what’s already considered crap; singing shitty songs all on her own accord and wrangling ears everywhere.

 「これは……聞くに堪えませんね……」 “This...I don’t think I can stand listening to this anymore…”

「おい、ナルシスト。あの女を消せ」 “Hey, Narcissist. Erase her.”

「私が手を下す必要ないかと」 “I doubt I’ll even have to do anything, really.”

そういって、ナルシストが指を示した失 では、極度の音痴に我慢の限界を迎えた ナイトメアたちが 怒　り　を募うせていた。 That being said, he pointed his finger at something. A group of nightmares were already     seething     in     anger     at the hellish ear grating they were forced to suffer through; already reaching to the limits of their patience.

━━━━━━━━━━∘◦ ♯ ❀ ♯ ◦∘━━━━━━━━━━━━━

さくら～↑舞う～↓ 景色～↑↑のぉ～↑ The fluttering~↑ dance~↓ of the~↑↑ Sakura in the background~↑

Ｎｏｏｏｏｏｏｏ↑↑ 歌ウノヤメロォ！ NOOOOOOO↑↑ Stop singing!

ロォ↓マンス～↑ 恋のぉ～神～～↑↑ Ro~↓ mance~↑ The god~ of love~~↑↑

耳ガ腐ルゥゥ！助ケテェェ！！ My ears are about to drop off! Someone, save me!!

━━━━━━━━━━∘◦ ♯ ❀ ♯ ◦∘━━━━━━━━━━━━━

「あたしの歌で踊りだしたくなる気持ち は判るけど、暴れるのはダメだぞぅ✰」 “I understand that my singing makes one feel the urge to dance but rampaging? That’s a big no-no✰ ”

ナイトメアの蹴散うした ハナさんとやらば、その場で軽やかに ターンをしてーー Kicking the Nightmare away, she did a light twirl on the spot.

「　ダ　ン　ス　ならこう踊らなきゃ！」 “You’ve got to     dance     like this if you’re going to do it!”

この世のものとは思えぬ醜い歌に合わせ、 心を抉るような　前　衛　的　な踊りを 始めました。 She started to dance     Avant    -    garde    , coupled with the horrid song that was out of this world; one so appalling that it almost felt like someone was gouging my very heart out.

「眩暈がしてきた……」 “I’m actually starting to get dizzy from seeing this…”

艶やかな褐色の肌を持つシンデレラさん の殺意の失わせるほどの醜悪な歌と踊り。 A horrible, ear-grating song and an equally unbeautiful dance. One that actually made the glossy brown-skinned Cinderella lose all the killing intent that she wielded.

これには、さすがの私も辟易です。 That being said, this also repulses me, of course.

しかし、不思議な事に、綺麗な足を持つグレーテルさんだけは 魅　入　ら　れ　 たように歌に聞き入っていたのです…… But the strangest thing was that Gretel, the one with beautiful legs, seemed     utterly     charmed     and     entranced     by the song...

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席なんて、ステージからもの凄く遠い スタンドだったけど。 The seats were so far from the stage itself. Rather than seats, it was actually more like a stand.

そこから観る会場はサイリウムの光に 包まれて、まるで花畑みたいだった。 Watching the stage surrounded by psyllium lights from afar, it bore a resemblance to a flower garden of sorts.

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ステージでアイドルが歌う。 あたしの席から顔なんて見える訳ない んおに、それでも笑顔だとわかる。 The Idol sung atop the stage. I knew that they were smiling, even though I can’t possibly see them from my seat.

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「ねえ兄様。あの歌…… 懐かしくありませんか？ 昔、兄様と二人で過ごした夜の 森で、冷たい月明りの下で聴いた……」 “Hey, brother? Isn’t this song nostalgic…? It’s the same song we heard at night, back in the forest where we lived together. Under the cold, icy moonlight…”

「森の奥から聞こえてきた、歌……」 “The same song that resonated deep within the forest itself…”

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ヤヤヤヤメヤメヤメヤメロメロンー！ SSSST- STO- STOP STOP STOP-!

オカシクナルルルルルルリルレロ！ I’M STARTING TO GO CRRAAAAZY!

わあ！斬新なコールアリガトー！ Wow! Thanks for new cheer!!

ハハハハナハナハ ナヒヒヒヒヒヒヒッ！ HAHAHAHANAHANAHA-- HIIE!!

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アイドルの歌と踊りに合わせて、会場が 揺れる。アイドルはキラキラしていて、 とても可愛くて。それを観るみんなも、 とてもキラキラしていた。 The venue broke out in an uproar in response to the Idol’s song and dance. The idol was shining in the limelight and absolutely adorable. And the audience shone too, as they looked on.

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クソ下手音痴女　ハ　ナ　の歌と踊りは 戦意を失わせた。怒りを抱く事すら 勿体ないろいうか…… Listening and watching the shitty tone-deaf woman     Hana     singing and dance made me lose all the fight in me. Or, more like...It would be a waste to even feel rage at this...

そういうレベルにまで達しているのは、 ある意味芸術と言ってもいいのか もしれない。遠のく意識と視界が、 現実を拒否するように段々と霞んでいく。 It might even be called art, considering just how bad she was. My consciousness slowly faded as my vision grew hazier, as if rejecting reality itself.

「スモークいいわね！もっと焚いて！ 会場をハナ色に染めちゃってー！」

“The smoke’s looking good! Keep it coming! Fill the area with colour―!”

音痴女の声に呼応するように周囲の木々 が揺れた。そこから 黄　色　い　煙　が大量に 吐き出される。 The surrounding trees shook, seemingly responding to the tone-deaf girl’s command. And then, a     yellow     smoke     spewed forth.

「これは……　花　粉　……？」

“Is this…    pollen    …?”

横にいたナルシストがそう呟いたような、 そうでないような……なんだ？頭が……

I feel as if the Narcissist beside me had muttered something like that...or not…? What’s this? My head... 

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大量の花粉が！これはイケマセン！ A large amount of pollen! This won’t do!!

桜の花粉ッてコンナに飛ばないのデハ？ I thought the pollen from cherry blossoms wasn't this bad?

ライブラリの桜ですカラ。 Well, it’s the Library’s cherry blossoms.

その一言デ説明が済むの、最高デスネ！ Nice! The explanation’s done and settled in a single breath!

こんな事もアロウかと。ハイ！花粉ブロック！ 99.9％花粉を遮断！機能性も抜群デス！ Well, I did think this might happen. So...here! Pollen Block! It’s 99.9% effective!

呼吸も99.9％遮断！死ヘノ片道装備デス！ But that prevents breathing itself by 99.9%! It’s a one way ticket to death itself!

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 ライブが終わったあと、会場から出っていく みんなは、とにかく笑顔だった。 あたしも、もちろんその一人。 Everyone left the venue with a smile on their face once the Live ended. I, of course, included.

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その少女は、歌を歌った。 皆を笑顔にしたいのだと、そう笑った。 それがあまりに純粋で、 あまりに無邪気で。 だから私は、彼女に新しい歌を教えた。 The girl sang, and sang she did. She laughed about wanting to make everyone smile. All so innocent, all so pure. Thus, I taught her a new song.

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アイドルって凄いなって思った。 たった一人で数万人を笑顔にできる、 そんなアイドルに、あたしは憧れた。 I thought that Idols were amazing. Just one person, able to bring smiles to countless others. I admired Idols; they were my admiration.

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その少女の声には力があった。 我らに活動を促す力が。 そうーー 我らの時代を、もう一度取り戻す力が。 That girl’s voice held power. The power to urge us to motion; to act. That’s right―— The power to reclaim our reign once more.

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あたしは小さい頃から病気がちで。 人退院の度に、周りに迷惑をかけていた。 誰かを笑顔にする事より、 誰かを悲しい顔にする事の方が多かった。 I was always sickly ever since I was little. I only inconvenience those around me, whenever I get admitted to the hospital. Rather than making people happy, I made people sad, more often than not.

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「スモーク焚きすぎちゃって道が見えな いわ。誰か道案内してくれないかしら。 これからオーデイションがあるのよね」 “There’s too much smoke; I can’t see the way. Could I perhaps, get someone to lead the way? I’ve got an audition on the way.”

ハナさんは、こちらをじっとみて言いま した。つまり、私達に案内を要求してい るのでしょう。その気配を察したシンデ レラさんは、冷たい声で拒絶しました。 Hana spoke, keeping eye contact with me the entire time. In other words, she’s probably asking us for help. Cinderella coldly refused after having grasped the situation.

「金はあるんの？まあ払われても断るけど」 “Is there money in this? Well, not that I’d take it either even if you offered.”

「そんなぁ……ひどいですぅ……！」 “No way...how mean…!”

ハナさんの泣き声に呼応して、一層花粉 がと飛散します。これは宜しくありません。 More pollen was scattered upon her cries. This isn’t appreciated at all.

「少しくとも、あなたの姿は美しい。 私が　案　内　いたしましょう」 “You’re a beautiful one, at least. Allow me to     lead     the     way.”

「ありがとう！貴方、お名前は？」 “Thanks! What’s your name?”

「ハーメルン、とお呼び下さい」 “Call me Hameln.”

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ハーメルン……メルちゃんね！よろしく！ Hameln…? Mel, then! I’ll be in your care!

メル……？ Mel…?

ところでぇ……メルちゃんは──ハナと手を繋いではくれないの？ By the way...Won’t you join hands with me, Mel?

？こうしてあなたの手を取っていますが── ? But aren’t I already holding onto your ha...nd…?

──テヘッ。 ──Tee-hee.

花粉のせいで見間違えましたね。失礼。醜い。 I’ve blundered due to the pollen in the air. Pardon me, that was unsightly.

ギャアッ！勘違イシタノハソッチナノニー！ Gyaah! You’re the one at fault though!

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こんなあたしでも。アイドルになれば 誰かを笑顔にできるのかな。 知らない人にも、幸せを感じてもらう事ができるのかな。 I wonder if I can bring a smile to someone else’s face too, if someone like me can become an Idol. I wonder if I can make people that I don’t know feel happy too?

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会場いっぱいに咲くサイリウムの光の花 に包まれて、可愛いドレスを着た わたしがステージで歌を歌うーー そんな未来を夢見ながら 桜の木に向かっ歌っていたある日、 頭の中に素敵な歌が流れてきた。 The venue was blooming with Psyllium Flowers of light. Dressed in a cute dress, I sang; and sang I did―— I continued looking on, holding onto that dream for the future. One day, while I was singing to the Cherry Blossom Tree, a beautiful song sounded in my mind

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入院した病室の窓から桜が見える。 その桜の木に向かって、あたしは 歌を歌った。 桜が散る頃には退院して、 オーデイションを受けに行くんだ。 I can see the Cherry Blossoms from the window of my Hospital Room. I sang to the Cherry Blossom Tree and sang I did. When the Cherry Blossoms scatter and I get discharged from here, I’ll go for an Audition.

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少女は夢を抱いていた。 しかし、少女は病も抱えていた。 やがて少女に声は枯れ果てて、 その儚き夢も叶うことなく――

だから、私はその身に命を蕾を宿した。 The girl held onto a dream. However, sickness also had a clutch on her. Eventually, her voice faltered and faded, that fleeting dream of her’s never coming to pass.

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――桜が咲いて、散って。 入院してから何回目かの満開を迎える。 あたし、少しは歌が上手くなったかな？ 早くオーデイションを受けたいな。 ――The Cherry Blossoms bloomed and scattered. I’ve seen many a cycle of it coming into full bloom ever since I was admitted. Have I gotten a little better at singing? I want to hurry and go for an Audition.

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これ以上、あのクソ下手音痴女のせいで 花粉を巻き散うされちゃ堪らない。 仕方なく、私達は手音痴女を案内していた。 しかし―― I can’t stand being showered by more Pollen because of the shitty tone-deaf girl. I suppose we don’t have a choice but to show her the way. But――

（あのブラコン、やけに大人しいな） (That Bro-con is being unsettlingly quiet.)

ハーメルンと手を繋いでご機嫌な音痴女 の後るに歩くグレーテルが、普段よりも 妙に静かで気にかかる。 いつもなら「兄様、兄様」と一人でぶつ くさ言っているはずなのに。 His unusual silence caught my attention, as he walked along behind Hameln, who had joined hands with the joyous looking tone-deaf girl. Usually, he’d be muttering “Brother, brother” all by his lonesome.

「……あ」 “…Oh.”

そのグルーテルが、小さな声を上げた。 That very Gretel made a small sound.

「兄様に……　花　が咲きました……」 “    Flowers     are blooming…on Brother..”

籠の中の『兄様』からは、全く似合わな いファンシーな花が咲いていた。 Fancy unfitting flowers were blooming in the cage where “Brother” was held.

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何やら呻き声も聞こえますね。 I seem to hear something akin to moaning.

そんな事どうでもいい！兄様、兄様！ There’s absolutely no way that’s the case! Brother, brother!

でも意外と似合ってんじゃない？その花。 But don’t you think that suits him surprisingly well? That flower, I mean.

似合って……ああ……兄様、可愛いです…… It suits him…? …Ahh…Brother, you’re so cute…

ねぇ、ドラゴンがいるんですけどぉー。 Hey, there’s a dragon here though―

グウ……ズズッ……鼻ガ詰マッテ…… Ugh…sniff, sniffle…My nose’s all stuffed up…

呻き声はコレでしたか。何とも美しくない…… So this was the cause of all the moaning. It’s not the slightest bit beautiful at all…

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――桜が咲いて、散って。 あと何回、この景色を見られるだろう。 歌おうにも声が出ない。 乾燥した唇が裂けて、血が滲んだ。 ――The Cherry Blossoms bloomed and scattered. I wonder how many more times I must witness this scene? No sound comes out even if I sing. My dry, chapped lips crack as blood oozes out.

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少女の顔は美しい。伸びた四肢も美しい。 そして少女から漂う匂い。 これは――ああ、 今まで花粉で気付きませんでしたね…… The girl had beautiful features. Her limbs were all so beautiful as well. Then came the smell that came along with her. This is―― Ahh, I never noticed due to all the Pollen flying about up till now…

「この腐臭は、美しくない」  “This smell of rot is not beautiful in the least.”

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――桜が咲いて、散って。 今年も、何とか見届けられた。 来年まで頑張ろうね、と 気気遣う看護師の声がする。 ――The Cherry Blossoms bloomed and scattered. I somehow managed to see the petals off again this year. I hear the kind, caring nurse telling me to do my best again next year.

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いつの間にか桜の木の下に来ていました。 そこには、人の形をした植物が、綺麗な 花を咲かせていくつも立っています。 Before I knew it, I was already standing below the Cherry Blossom Tree. There were many human-shaped plants, all with stunning flowers blooming on them.

「兄様。兄様と同じ花ですよ」 “Brother. It’s the same flower as the one blooming on you, Brother.”

花が咲いた兄様と、花の咲かない私。 それがなんだか、とても悲しい。 Brother, who had flowers blooming on him, and me, who did not. That was utterly saddening, in a sense.

「それなら お　揃　い　になってみる？」 “Then how about you try becoming a     pair    ?”

どこからか、歌う声が聞こえてきます。 二人で過ごした、森の奥でも聞いた声。 あの時、兄様は近づくなと言ったけど。 I could hear singing coming from somewhere. A voice that I heard even back in the depths of that forest; back during the time I spent together with Brother. I recall telling whoever that had been to stay away from Brother, back then.

「じゃあ、願いを叶えてあげるね」 “Then, let me grant your wish!”

兄様、私はあなたと一緒がいいのです。 Brother, I want to be the same as you.

「ブラコン！」 “Bro-con!””

誰かが叫んでいるけど、邪魔しないで。 私は今、とても　幸　せ　なのだから―― Someone was yelling. Don’t get in the way; For I’m extremely    happy    right now――

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あいつ、花に寄生されたのか！？ That guy; Is he being parasitized by those flowers!?

花を咲かすグレーテルさんも、また美しい。 Gretel’s beautiful even with flowers blooming on their being.

アンタも、頭に花を咲かせてもらえば？ How about we make one grow on your head too?

それも良いですね。きっと美しいでしょう。 That might not be too bad of an idea. It’ll be a dazzling sight to behold, I’m sure.

嫌味が通じないのか。このナルシスト…… Can’t you tell sarcasm when it’s in front of your face, you narcissist...!?

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――冬なのに、桜が咲いている。 ああ、枝に積もった雪がそう見える んだ。それでもいい。 最期に見られて良かった…… ――The Cherry Blossoms bloomed and scattered. Ahh, so that’s how the branches look like with snow piled on them. This is fine. I’m glad that I managed to see it in the end…

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突然現れた予定外の乱入者。 歌に合わせて撒き散らされる大量の花粉。 しかも思考を惑わすオマケ付き……と くれば、異変の　原　因　は明らかだ。 An intruder had appeared out of the blue; this was not planned. The large amount of Pollen being scattered around along with the song. Along with the added effect of addling your mind… In conclusion, the     root     cause     of this was startlingly apparent.

「どう考えてもアンタだろ？」 “No matter how you think about it, you’re the one behind all this, aren’t you?”

武器を突きつけつろ、ハナは震えた。 Hana trembled as Cinderella pointed her weapon at her.

「ち、違うもん！メルちゃん、助けて！」 “N-No, you’re mistaken! Help me, Mel!”

「残念ながら、あなたからは腐臭がする。 大変醜い臭いです。私に助けられる 価値は、地を這う虫ほどもありません」 “Unfortunately, there’s a rotting smell coming from you. It’s a horribly ugly scent. And I’m not obligated to help anyone or anything who’s worth is equivalent to a worm, crawling on the ground.”

「……っ」 “…Ngh.”

ハーメルンの言葉に息を呑むと、音痴女 は派手に笑い出し―― The tone-deaf girl sucked in a deep breath at Hameln’s words before breaking out into laughter――

「お前ら全員、花人形にしてやる！」 “I’m gonna turn all of you into Flower Dolls!”

義姉と同じくらい、

醜　く　顔を歪めた Her face distorted     uglily    ; it was almost as bad as Gishin’s own.

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みんな、あたしの歌を聴かなかった！だから花人形にしてやったのよ！！ どう？これなら黙って歌を聴くでしょう！？ No one was listening to my song! That’s why I turned them all into Flower Dolls!! How’s that for a change? Now you’ll shut up and listen to my singing, right!?

人形にしなけりゃ聴いてもらえない歌なんて、アンタ才能ないんだよ。 それだけの話だろ？ If no one’ll listen to you unless you turn them into a Doll, doesn’t that just mean that you don’t have the talent for it? That’s all there is to it, no?

なのにアイドルを名乗るとは……ああ醜い。 And still, you dare call yourself an Idol…Ahh, how ugly.

違う……あたしは、アイドルなのおぉ！ No…I’m…I AM an Idol!

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――あたしは、アイドルになりたかった。 満員の会場で、光の花に囲まれて、 楽しそうに歌うアイドル…… だって…… みんあの　笑　顔　が、見たかったから。 病気がちのあたしの周りには、 悲しい顔しかなかったから―― ――I wanted to be an Idol. An Idol, singing happily in a full-house venue, with flowers of light blooming all around… Because… I wanted to see the     smiles     on everyone’s faces. Because there was nothing but sad faces around me, due to my sickly nature――

「生まれ変わったら、今度こそ……」 “Next time, if I’m reborn…”

そう呟いて、少女は光の中に 消　え　去　っ　た　。 The girl murmured her last as she     faded     away     from the light. 

━━━━━━━━━━∘◦ ♯ ❀ ♯ ◦∘━━━━━━━━━━━━━

……結局、この少女も　駄　目　だった。 確か、これで３４人目だ。 それにしても、笑顔を見たいと言いなが ら、自分が見られる事が目的になるとは、 まさに本末転倒…… …That girl was a     no    -    good     either, in the end. I’m certain this makes it the 34th person now. Even so, to think that her goal would be for people to notice her despite how she’s always crowing about how she wanted to see everyone’s smiles… She’s certainly got her priorities wrong.

しかし、これだからこそ人間は面白い。 では、私は次の　苗　床　を 探すとしよう。 But this is precisely what makes humans all so interesting. Well then, I suppose I’ll have to find another     nursery    .

手始めに、少女を殺したあの３人を―― How about those 3 who killed the girl, for starters――

━━━━━━━━━━∘◦ ♯ ❀ ♯ ◦∘━━━━━━━━━━━━━

桜さん。今まであたしの歌を聴いてくれ て、ありがとう。アイドルになる夢は叶 わなかったけど、あなたはあたしの、 たった一人の観客でした。 Dear Cherry Blossom, thank you for listening to my singing. I never fulfilled my dream of becoming an Idol, but you’re my one and only audience I ever had.

━━━━━━━━━━∘◦ ♯ ❀ ♯ ◦∘━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

黒幕はアノ桜の木デシタ。 The mastermind was that Cherry Blossom Tree.

木にヨル支配とは、どこかで聞いたヨウナ。 A tree that rules everything? I feel like I’ve heard about this somewhere…

ソンな物語もドコかにアッタような？ I feel like a story like that exists somewhere out there.

トコロデ、あの桜ハどうシマス？ By the way, what are we going to do with that Cherry Blossom?

アア、ソレならすでに対処済みデス。大事ナ兄様に花ヲ咲かせた木ニ腹を立てタグレーテルが根本カラ桜ヲぶち倒しマシテ。 Ohh, that’s already been dealt with. Gretel was mad that the tree had made flowers bloom on his beloved Brother and chopped it up, roots and all.

エッ……黒幕を……？ Eh…He did that to the Mastermind…?

ソノ倒れた桜を眺めナガラ酒を飲ンでいた シンデレラが、「確か桜の木は、スモーク用のチップとして売れたな？」 と思いツキ、ハーメルンに命令シテ。  And then Cinderella was looking upon the fallen Cherry Blossom whilst sipping  on a cup of Sake pipped up, saying “Come to think of it, Cherry Blossom Wood  can be sold as Smoking Chips, right?” And thus, she ordered Hameln to procure it.

エエ……黒幕がスモーク用……？ Ehh…Using the Mastermind as smoking material…?

ハーメルンは「艶やかな肌の主の言う事なら」 と、ソレは美しく桜の木をカットして。 結果、ライブラリ特製燻製用桜チップとしテ見事に高値で売れマシター！ ハイこれ売上報告書。凄いデスヨ。 “If that’s what the master of glossy skin wishes.” Said Hameln, and he beautifully cut up the Cherry Blossom Tree. As a result, the Library’s Special  Cherry Blossom Smoked Chips are being sold for an astoundingly high price!! Here’s the Sales Report. Amazing, isn’t it!

エエエ……本当ダ。黒幕メッチャ売レてる。 Ehhh…You’re right. The Mastermind’s selling really well.

この売上デ燻製肉でも食べニ行きマセンカ？ How about we use the Sales earnings to go eat some smoked meat?

行クー！人ノお金で食べるオ肉大好き！ Count me in―! I love eating meat when someone else’s paying!

燻製に使うチップはもちろん桜デ…… The wood chips we’re going to use for the smoking will be Cherry Blossom, of course.

∘◦ -————❈ ❀  𝔉𝔦𝔫.   ❀ ❈————- ◦∘

[ratingtheframe]

Enola Holmes, The Devil All the Time and i’m thinking of ending things: Everything I watched in September.

Thank God we are almost at the end of the year. With October just around the corner and 2021 in full view, it seems like the film industry is slowly piecing themselves back together after months of being on a complete hiatus. Cinemas are slowly starting to return back to normal and streaming services are now full to capacity with content.

Netflix in particular has some exciting things to come and the successful release of Harry Bradbeer’s Enola Holmes and Antonio Campos’ The Devil All the Time, has proven that their ability to produce outstanding content hasn’t been stunted at all by COVID-19. Here are the 31 titles I watched this month and for you to add to your watch list. 

Searching (2018) as seen on Netflix

Searching recently came onto Netflix, however the film was actually first released in 2018, screening at Sundance Film Festival. It had a very impressive response and grossed $75 million worldwide and with a budget of only $880,000 it was certainly a success. I rate this film highly, due to the simplicity and execution of it, with a lot of twists and turns in appropriate places. Structurally, the film is flawless and it’s clear a lot of thought had gone into the payoff of the entirety of the film. Certainly an indie filmmaker's dream and a film to watch to learn about the “less is more” rule of screenwriting.

Score: 10/10

Zodiac (2007) as seen on Netflix

I’ve been avoiding Zodiac on Netflix for a loooong time, and after watching it I wonder why I didn’t check it out sooner. David Fincher’s (Fight Club, Panic Room, the Social Network) thriller based on the case files of the “Zodiac Killer” stars the likes of Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Junior and Jake Gyllenhaal, all of which had amazing on screen chemistry. The dialogue and structure is Aaron Sorkin-esque as you figuratively become one the detectives, unravelling the case as the two and a half hour film delves deeper and deeper. You honestly feel as if you become one of the team whilst watching Zodiac and just for that, it goes down as a praise worthy film with a perfect structure and surprising twist to the end. Zodiac is the thriller of thrillers.

Score: 11/10

I See You (2019) as seen on Netflix

Now a film like I see you has me questioning

Netflix’s

choices a little. The film scores handsomely on

Rotten Tomatoes

, with a metric score of

78%,

which is quite high for a largely gimmicky film. I can’t quite fault the overall concept, however the story itself fell flat by the end. Things just seemed to mount too much to the point that it became overtly inauthentic and questionable. Instead of paying attention to the movie, I found myself picking up all the irregularities such as why a police man would suffocate someone, drive them to their own home and then shoot them in the head. Surely a policeman would just leave her in the woods? On a brighter note,

Judah Lewis’ (Babysitter: Killer Queen)

was quite praiseworthy in his performance, but it wasn’t enough to drag the film out of a hole of confusion.

Score: 2/10

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998) as seen on Netflix

If there is one film that you NEED to watch from this list, it would be Terry Gilliam’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. The crackhead energy in this film is OFF THE CHARTS as Johnny Depp and Benecio Del Toro play two drug addicts exploring Las Vegas. The production design in this is marvellous and really captures the psychedelic world the two men enter every time they’re high. I particularly enjoyed Depp’s narration throughout this; his voice is the most sensual yet hilarious thing to listen to for 2 hours straight. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is HILARIOUS and such a well rounded, off the wall film to watch.

Score: 12/10

I’m thinking of ending things (2020) as seen on Netflix 

Even though I watched i’m thinking of ending things nearly a month ago, I’m still recovering from it. Charlie Kaufman (Adaptation, Being John Malkovich) directs this satisfying yet highly confusing tale based on the Iain Reid book with the same title. Despite it’s perplexing plot, I certainly can’t fault the film’s performances or set design. Jesse Plemons, Jess Buckley, Toni Colette and David Thwelis made a surprisingly good ensemble and the makeup in this film is probably the best I have ever seen. HOWEVER and this is a big however, the waywardness of the story can’t override the success of artistry behind the film. I feel like there’s becoming a trend where films are visually perfect but make zero sense. By sense I mean a clear, concise story, that has character journeys and some sort of resolution at the end, no matter how big or small. I’m thinking of ending things that had just about NONE of these elements, and that doesn’t make it a bad film at all. It’s certainly not a film I’ve seen before and perhaps it raises the questions whether films need to make complete sense in order for them to be good. We can take a look at experimental cinema to delve deeper into that theory, for within this type of cinema, films can still be appreciated even when they are confusing. Perhaps the meaning of i’m thinking of ending things, is more powerful and higher than the average movie goer can understand, but still appreciate.

score: 9/10

Hacksaw Ridge (2016) as seen on Amazon Prime

Again, another film I’ve been avoiding for a loooong time and regret not watching sooner. The film stars Andrew Garfield as a devoted Christian who goes to war to serve his country, but refuses to carry a weapon yet lives to tell the tale. Preacher Desmond T. Doss saved the lives of between 50-100 men on Hacksaw Ridge during the Second World War. He was heavily commended for his service and the film itself earnt 6 Academy Award nominations. It’s a story that was born to be on screen and it’s hard to believe it was all true. Andrew Garfield’s performance was exemplary and he is definitely underrated as a truthful actor.

Score: 10/10

Fear (1996) as seen on Netflix 

I am sucker for a thriller, good OR bad and this one from 1996 was surprisingly decent. Starring Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon in their early days, Fear follows a pair of young lovers whose strong relationship turns into a possessive one, when Witherspoon’s character, Nicole learns the true intentions of her boyfriend. It's a 90s teen flick that isn’t talked about enough and certainly an easy one to get sucked into as a guilty pleasure.

Score: 10/10

Make Up (2019) as seen at the BFI Southbank 

Make Up first screened at the London Film Festival last year and was later released this year. I wanted to catch it at the festival and was glad it made it into cinemas. The eeriness of the british film directed by Claire Oakley, was a slow burnt, intriguing watch, however as artistically visual it was, a satisfying resolution to the film was missed. The payoff of the story was easy to define despite it’s ambiguity, however it wasn’t as hard hitting as it should’ve been, which is common in most indie features. The better ones expose ideas and truths in a punchy way, such as La Haine or Whiplash. The film’s genre was also undefinebale and although the story was interesting, I wouldn't be inclined to come back for more of it. 

Score: 7/10

Zoolander (2001) as seen on Netflix

I’m not a huge comedy fan, however it’s about time I watched Zoolander, for it’s probably one of the most iconic films of the early 2000s. The film follows a model targeted by a fashion brand who wants him to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. Anyone who was anyone in the 00s is in this film, from Naomi Campbell to Lil’ Kim, Paris Hilton, Donald Trump, Lenny Kravitz, Natalie Porter and even David Bowie. How they managed to get these famous faces as well as the actual cast (Owen Wilson, Ben Stiller and Will Ferrell) onto this film is certainly a mastery at casting. As far as comedies go, Zoolander is iconic and a must watch for those who are thoroughly in love with these types of outlandish films. 

Score: 8/10

American Pie (2001) as seen on Netflix 

This is the my first time seeing American Pie and for someone who hates comedies, it thoroughly made me laugh. I definitely had to look past at the amount of misogyny and questionable scenes in this film and just sit back and enjoy it all. I felt that all four leads (Jason Briggs, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Chris Klein and Eddie Kaye Thomas) were well casted as an ensemble and were really down to earth in their performances. They were authentic in being high school boys still figuring themselves out and in the end I found each one to be highly likeable. As a comedy, this is definitely a go to and an iconic film from the early 2000s. 

Score: 9/10

Clemency (2019) as seen on Amazon Prime 

A Sundance Film Festival graduate, Clemency was a deeply moving and well shot film that exposed the shocking reality of prison inmates on death row in the US. The word clemency is essentially a term used to define an act of mercy by the justice system, who at the last minute of a prison’s life can grant “clemency” if they feel worthy of doing so, stopping them from being executed. Factors such as new evidence or a parole grant can influence this decision and this film shows the abrasiveness of such an idea. Imagine being a prisoner moments away from death and because of Clemency, you sit there thinking your life can still be saved. But as this film depicts, this isn’t always the case and the masterful acting of Alfre Woodard puts this grief into context beautifully. Her performance ignited this film and it was easy to see this story got to her on a deeper level, that went beyond serving a character. A seriously good film that is professional, dynamic and heart wrenching.

Score: 10/10

Gladiator (2000) as seen on Netflix

I never saw myself as someone who would like Gladiator, however Ridley Scott’s Oscar winning film thoroughly surprised me in an unexpected way. Moving past the amazing visuals and outstanding production value of this film, the actual story itself was just so damn good. It had an excellent, Hollywood worthy structure that saw a hefty and clear journey of it’s lead, Maximus (Russell Crowe). I was VERY surprised to see Joaquin Phoenix play alongside Russell Crowe, who gave a great performance as a bratty roman emperor. Gladiator was nominated for 12 Academy Awards in 2001, which is unsurprising seeing as it's a pretty much flawless film, with the character’s fierce journey being the main contributor to this. 

Score: 11/10

American Pie 2 (2001) as seen on Netflix 

Now sequels are known to be the downfall of some films, especially as the first films were okay on their own. However, I definitely enjoyed American Pie 2 as much as I enjoyed the first. The performances of all characters seemed to get better with time and it still remained outlandish and hilarious to watch. 

Score: 9/10

3096 days (2013) as seen on Netflix

When you laugh more at a film than you should have, there’s something clearly wrong. This Netflix film based on the true story of the kidnapped Natascha Kampusch was directed by German-American director Sherry Hormann. This is gonna sound whack, but one of the most annoying things about this film was the lighting. It felt as if it was never truly dark in this film and because of that, it distracted from the fear of the situation young Natascha was in. Lighting plays an important role in thrillers and horror films, as the idea of these films is to keep people constantly on edge and the dark is something that does that perfectly. I felt safe when watching this film and although it’s meant to be a biopic, I don’t think it captured Natascha’s situation as best as it could have. Another thing that really let the film down was the dubbing from German to English. This is a pet peeve I have with films, but is understandable seeing as the majority of people are too lazy to follow foreign language subtitles and miss out on some of the best films ever made. Because of this, it forces foreign language films to cater towards an English speaking market so the film becomes more viable. I would’ve respected this film a lot more if it was completely in German and had English subtitles.

Score: 5/10

Cruel Intentions (1999) as seen on Netflix

About a year ago, I saw the Glenn Close and John Malkovich film version of the french novel Dangerous Liaisons and I fell asleep. Maybe it was the film I had seen before it that had made me nod off or the fact I couldn’t understand what the hell was going on. However, Cruel Intentions follows the same story with younger leads; Sarah Michelle Geller, Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon and is set in the modern day. As you can probably tell by now, I am a sucker for a 90s teen movie and Cruel Intentions was all that and more, for the performances and story structure in this film were top notch. Ryan Phillipe is a much underrated actor and heartthrob, playing a jealous and callous Sebastian, the step brother of Sarah Michelle Geller’s character, Kathryn. Both of them were spiteful, abrasive and mean and I LOVED IT. Their non-fuckery was enviable as they cheat and turn the lives of others upside down. Reese Witherspoon was an angel in this film, and I thoroughly appreciated the strength of her character throughout. Cruel Intentions sits highly as a film from the 90s and boasts a hoard of young talent from that era.

Score: 10/10

Wildlife (2018) as seen on Netflix

If you are in love with Paul Dano as much as I am, you’re gonna want to marry him after you find out that he’s also a director. His first feature Wildlife, stars Jake Gyllenhaal and Carey Mulligan as a couple battling the demons in their relationship whilst caring for their young son. I really really REALLY can’t wait to see what Paul Dano directs in the future based off this film. It’s everything I love about a good indie film; well shot, a perfect cast and a touching story. It truly is a beautiful film and one I would recommend to my indie lovers out there.

Score: 10/10

The Perks of Being A Wallflower (2012) as seen on Netflix

My excuse for not having seen The Perks of Being A Wallflower is that I thought it would be yet another predictable high school blunder, with flat dialogue and basic character arcs. And I was half right in that. The first half of the film (mostly exposition) was filled with cringey dialogue and basic high school motifs that set up the film. Some moments were overtly far fetched and it took me a while to fall in love with the main character instead of feeling desperately sorry for him ALL THE TIME. Ezra Miller, Emma Watson and Logan Lerman all together as an ensemble was whack casting that just about worked. However, once we made it through the blizzard of exposition and got to the heart of the story, it truly was a touching and tear jerking movie to watch and for that, it scores highly. “We accept the love we think we deserve” was the ringing message of the film and certainly something I carry around with me daily as I reflect on the unfulling crushes I’ve had in the past.

Score: 9/10

The Devil All the Time (2020) as seen on Netflix

Probably my most favourite film on this list, The Devil All the Time is pure ART. I have a full review uploaded onto my tumblr account so please do check it out to see an in depth review of the Netflix film. All I will say is that it is a must watch film with an unreal cast and story.

https://ratingtheframe.tumblr.com/post/629443058079055872/the-south-of-america-meets-gritty-gothic-horror

Score: 11/10

Way of the Gun (2000) as seen on Amazon Prime 

Ryan Phillipe and Benicio del Toro star side by side in this action packed crime thriller about two guys who kidnap the wrong woman. Simple in it’s log line with the potentiality to be limitless in its telling; ie the basis of every good film. Juliette Lewis (the it girl of the 90s) also stars in the film and really compliments the performances of both leads. Any film that Juliette Lewis is in, is a good film and she is an actor with a very impressive portfolio of work under her belt.

Score: 9/10

Judy and Punch (2019) as seen on Netflix

I’ve been waiting since the end of last year to see Judy and Punch and was thrilled to see it had been put onto Netflix. However, after watching it, that thrill deteriorated and what was left was a disheartened feeling towards this film. It’s a shame to say this, seeing as the story of Judy and Punch is so satiable and fulfilled in its possibilities of telling it. However, probably the biggest problem within this film was its pace; it was too quick of a film. The beginning was organic and smooth, but as it went on it started to become continuously rushed. There were characters I didn’t have time to get to know and actually didn’t even end up knowing their names. There’s a point in the film when Judy is welcomed into an isolated society outside of her home, most of which in that society were women. I would’ve liked to get to know them better and see how they influence Judy’s character and revenge on her husband. The film felt very rushed, which is a shame because everything else; acting, production and story were well aligned.

Score: 6/10

22nd July (2018) as seen on Netflix

I remember the 22nd July 2011 as clear as day but for all the wrong reasons. On this day, 77 people in Norway were killed by a terror attack caused by a right wing, anti-immigrant supporter, Andres Brevik, who was a member of a radical organisation and spent nine years preparing his attack on Oslo and Utøya Island. The most shocking part of this massacre was what happened on Utøya Island, which was the main body of Netflix’s film 22nd July. Viljar Hanssen was a teenager attending a political youth camp on Utøya Island in the summer of 2011. Whilst on the island with his younger brother, a bomb went off in the centre of Oslo, outside a government building, killing 8 people. By the time news of the attack got to Utøya Island, its perpetrator had also arrived, and begun gunning down the kids on the island. 69 people were killed, most of which were under 18. Viljar Hanssen was shot five times, in the head, arm, legs and hand. The attack lost him an eye, several fingers and bullet fragments still remain in his brain. He also lost close friends and the ability to perform in many activities he used to do growing up. His ordeal and that of many on the island, is captured in 22nd July, that from beginning to end, approaches this story with sensitivity and facts. Out of the many events I have heard of that include a massacre of some kind, this attack always sticks out in my mind. The perpetrator was truly merciless in his rage against immigrants coming into Norway and he made sure to express that hatred in such a shocking and profound way. The entire story is one that is so hard to believe and is important in preventing future attacks of this kind.

Score: 11/10

Les Misérables (2019) as seen at Curzon Bloomsbury

Les Misérables was nominated for Best Foreign Language film this year at the Oscars and despite it being thrilling and highly well made, I felt quite disappointed by it. The film was accurate in exposing the many communities now prevalent in France today and it was definitely one of those gritty, Cannes worthy films to sink your teeth into. It's not a bad film at all, it's just one I found hard to relate to and therefore I switched off whilst watching it. In fact, I think Portrait of a Lady on Fire was a better contender as Best Foreign Language film at the Oscars and I was left fuming when I found out it hadn’t been nominated in that category. Les Misérables is a film I’d recommend but found it hard to love it overall.

Score: 9/10

A Cure for Wellness (2016) as seen on Netflix

The logline for Shutter Island (2010) is as follows: Teddy Daniels and Chuck Aule, two US marshals, are sent to an asylum on a remote island in order to investigate the disappearance of a patient, where Teddy uncovers a shocking truth about the place. 

And the logline for A Cure for Wellness is as follows: Lockhart, an executive, is sent to a wellness spa in the Swiss Alps to retrieve his company's CEO. At the centre, he encounters strange activities that make him investigate the illness of the people.

Notice anything? They are literally the same film and it's not just the loglines that share an alikeness. On watching A Cure for Wellness, I noticed how similar it was to Shutter Island, from the location, to the colour grading, costumes and even lighting. Both films are almost identical and I pretty much hate both films anyway. I’ll admit, A Cure for Wellness has a better story and tells it better as well, but if it's just a rip off from Shutter Island, is it all that good? I appreciated the production value of this film yet it was hard to tear it away from Shutter Island’s own production. Overall, I found it quiet gimmicky and too close to Shutter Island for it to have much originality.

Score: 6/10

U want me 2 kill him? (2013) as seen on Netflix 

The only thing that let this film down was the acting. There’s something about solely British productions that rub me the wrong way. Admittedly, their structure is always good and the story is well put together, however the artistic side of these films lacks in parts, from acting to set design. U want me 2 kill him? Is based on a true story which really alleviated the film. I thoroughly enjoyed delving into this story and it was an interesting, engaging plot. However, its production value and acting is what let it down.

Score: 7/10

After (2019) as seen on Netflix

So in short, this wasn’t a good film. The twist was satisfying, however the rest of it was just plain annoying. Any film that uses reality tv type music in its montages pisses me off. It's just such a cringey way of showing emotion on screen and I’d much rather they use music with no lyrics or music that actually conveys the emotion of the scene. The relationship between the leads, Hardin and Tessa (Hero Fiennes-Tiffin and Josephine Langford) was very predictable and the conflict between the two only made up like 5% of the film; 2.5% at the beginning and a further 2.5% at the end. For the rest of the 95% of the film, they were pretty much happy throughout, meaning the story had nowhere to go, besides the fact that Tessa’s mom disapproves of Hardin. But besides that and a shocking revelation..that was about it. No one died, no one was really hurt. Hardin was made out to be more troubled than he actually was (his dad is chancellor of a college for fuck’s sake) and I found myself laughing when I shouldn’t be. As for After We Collided, I can’t wait to tear it apart this month.

Score: 4/10

Miss Juneteenth (2020) as seen at BFI Southbank

Miss Juneteenth is the underdog movie of the month for me. You can read a full, in depth review of it right here:

https://ratingtheframe.tumblr.com/post/630357041253400576/she-my-dream-now-miss-juneteenth-review

Score: 11/10

Monsoon (2020) as seen at BFI Southbank 

Why this film was praised by critics is unknown to me. The number one thing that this film did wrong was not showing ANY conflict on screen whatsoever, the characters merily TALKED about conflict. Conflict and actions based on those conflicts is what moves a story forward, and this film was certainly static. The story follows a man (Henry Golding) and his return to Vietnam as he learns about the war and the life he left behind. But the film shows no war, no deprivation or heartache that many vietnamese people had to go through. It's just filled with empty shots of Vietnam and Henry Golding looking out at the city. Why not just make a documentary about The Vietnam War with Henry Golding presenting it, as that is what this film was virtually. You can’t get away with nice looking shots to produce a praise worthy feature. Maybe I’m getting the wrong jist of the film, but in terms of its telling, I didn’t feel anything at all whilst watching it and if I didn’t feel anything, I wasn’t thinking about anything because it was so mundane.

Score: 5/10

The Riot Club (2014) as seen on Amazon Prime 

I’ve had a strong soft spot for Sam Claflin since he played Finnick in The Hunger Games. My crush on him was further confirmed with The Riot Club a British Production based on Laura Wade’s theatre play Posh that shows the ongoings of Oxford’s Riot Club. The group of ten men are all self entitled posh twats who think their education and parent’s money allows them to act in a horrendous way, with their initiation ceremonies and club rules. Sam Claflin plays Ryan, a 1st year student at Oxford and one of the Riot Club’s newest members. Max Irons plays Miles, another new member of the club, who becomes the focal point of Ryan’s jealousy, causing him to do some unspeakable things in one night out of envy for Miles. The ten men in the film work brilliantly as an ensemble, which is unquestionable seeing as five of them went to Guildhall School of Music and Drama, three went to LAMDA, one studied drama at University and the last went to Bristol Old Vic. All the leads in this film are well trained and it's clear to see that in their performances. A really enjoyable, yet eye opening film that exposes the privilege of some living right in the UK, including Boris Johnson and David Cameron, who were former members of this heinous club.

Score: 10/10

Enola Holmes (2020) as seen on Netflix 

Hmmm...there is a great deal of hype going around for this film and with a 92% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, Enola Holmes is well liked. This is understandable, seeing as Fleabag’s director Harry Bradbeer directed this film for Netflix and the cast includes the likes of Millie Bobbie Brown, Henry Cavill and Sam Claflin. I have never seen Millie Bobbie Brown in anything and yet I don’t think she’s doing anything special for me at this moment in time. As a viewer, I am 100% not into actors talking to the camera, a communication technique that I think should stay in theatre. I get this is a big part of Fleabag however I think Enola Holmes could have done without it. Another movie pet peeve is when the opening of a film explains what the film is about directly, something Enola Holmes did in an artistic, yet blatant way. Audiences aren’t dumb and will catch on with given clues, there’s no need to go through a character’s entire history in the opening of a film. For kids aged between 8 and 12, this film is great and Enola Holmes makes a great hero for many young girls. I don’t fall in this age bracket and therefore I enjoyed it a whole lot less.

Score: 6/10

American Murder: Family Next Door (2020) as seen on Netflix

Netflix is known for producing some of the finest, most eye opening documentaries out there. Despite this one being quite simple using found footage, its impact is certainly something that grew organically throughout the documentary. You can read my full review of American Murder: Family Next Door here:

https://ratingtheframe.tumblr.com/post/630780350645354496/netflix-documentary-delves-into-the-murder-of-a

Score: 10/10

Peppermint (2018) as seen on Netflix

I was thoroughly shocked to discover this film was made 2 years ago. You’d think we’re past a time of creating bad films that actually get released, but I guess we’re not. Peppermint was released in the same year as The Favourite, Blackkklansman and A Star is Born, three courageous films, all of which were showered with awards. Peppermint had two major problems; 1) it was boring and 2) the lead wasn’t orchestrated properly. The mexican drug cartel who murder the protagonist’s (Jennifer Garner) husband and child was almost insulting. Because it felt so inauthentic and gimmicky, I didn’t really understand why the drug cartel in the film was even mexican. Peppermint proves that a good story can turn bad in the wrong hands. The script was quite terrible and surrounding that was the nonsensical, half asked directing which saw Jennifer Garner get way too many injuries to still be alive in the end. The whole thing just had my eyes rolling, as nothing about it was original or provoking at all. In fact, the film didn’t even EXPLAIN how Garner’s character became a bloodthirsty vigilante. It merely showed us her training as a cage fighter. Das it. Nothing else in her character made her into this dominant and highly skilled fighter who takes down an ENTIRE DRUG CARTEL ONE HANDED. It, made, no, sense and sits a good example of how NOT to make a film. Also the only reason why it was called Peppermint was because of peppermint ice cream...yeah I don’t get it either.

Score: 2/10

And that is September, which marks an entire year since I’ve been critiquing movies and in that time, I’ve watched well over 350 films. There’s a lot more to come though, for the London Film Festival commences in October and titles such as Dune and the No Time to Die await a winter release. Stay tuned!

[reflectingchaos]

okay,  I am 100% back on my bullshit of blaming everything that Fëanor does on the weakness of Míriel,  his mother.  don’t like it?  too bad.  she is the shittiest mother in Middle Earth.  so let’s just start the beginning.  there is a small degree of defending her,  and while it’s only a small amount,  it is a fairly major concept.  it goes without saying that Eru is God,  the Ainur are angels,  specifically,  the Vala known as Melkor is meant to represent Satan,  the angel that fell from God’s grace due to wanting to control the wills of others himself instead of free will like God intended for us to have.

the concept which is called Arda Marred is an elvish term for the damage that the world took due to the direct meddling of Melkor.  it started with the discourse in the Music of the Ainur,  but when Arda Marred is mentioned,  it’s usually with the extra damage caused by his direct meddling that they are referring to.  now Tolkien later realized what a mistake he had made in making Míriel go against the entire concept of motherhood by giving up on life the moment her child was born.  this is a deeply,  disgustingly unnatural thing for a mother to abandon their own child.  no mother in her right mind abandons her baby,  because that baby is the reason for the mother’s life now.

so he gave a reason for it,  and that reason is Arda Marred.  the evil,  the corruption of Melkor is so seeped into the land and damaging it so much,  and it effects her and her vitality.  the Marring of Arda and the creatures in the world trying to deal with this evil and corruption is what forms most of the drama of the world.  almost everything that happens is because of the evil that Melkor put into the world.  naturally,  this is by no means an excuse for them anymore than it is for us to be willfully going against God’s command and following the designs of Satan,  but it explains a lot and makes a lot of what Feanor does and thinks make a lot more sense in the context of the world.

so!  we've determined that Míriel’s unnatural abandonment of her only child is a result of Melkor’s evil.  is that okay?  of course not!  she did a lot of damage that inevitably leads to a lot of heartache,  betrayal,  death,  destruction,  hardship,  misery.  and it’s pretty much all her fault.  if there’s ever a point where we blame things on Fëanor,  we also have to blame them first on Míriel,  because she created the situation in which Fëanor lives his life.  and there comes a point (if we follow edits made by Tolkien) where she repents of this,  but of course it’s too late to do anything about it.  and since it’s too late and kind of a pointless detail,  I likely will most likely be ignoring it.

so now we get to the good part,  the part that actually includes and actively effects my character.  now,  if a human mother dies in childbirth,  it’s because something went wrong and it’s typically of no fault of the mother or the child,  it’s just something unfortunate that happened.  but in the case of elves,  the way Tolkien has them designed,  Míriel went after the birth of her child and willfully let her soul,  her fëa,  leave her body and go to the Halls of Mandos.  so where a human child might grow with some guilt over the fact that his birth killed their mother,  Fëanor has it much harder because he would grow with the knowledge that his mother chose to leave him.  she chose to give up on life because it just felt like too much after giving birth to a baby.  now somehow this is because of the darkness of Melkor,  because it’s so unnatural for an elf,  or anyone really,  to want to give up their own life so freely with nothing wrong.

and it doesn’t end there.  to make matters worse,  his father,  Finwë,  was obviously distressed at this,  and he would visit her body in the hopes that she would reawaken.  this is kind of morbid in a way,  and had to have messed with Fëanor psychologically.  her body was preserved so that even though she was dead,  her body didn’t rot away.

now this is random,  but let us deviate just a little bit.  I’m going to get into this in more details later on,  but right now I want to drive home a quick detail for this part of the post.  when Finwë remarried,  his firstborn by his second wife is Fingolfin.  according to our sources,  Fëanor was born YT 1169 and Fingolfin was born YT 1190.  when Elves marry,  they tend to have their first child almost right away due to the marriage being consummated as soon as able.  this means that Finwë likely married Indis twenty years later.  now this is twenty years in Valian years,  which equates to almost two-hundred years,  round about.  so while he is an adult,  I feel this almost makes things more difficult,  although I might get into those details another time.

so back to where we were before.  Fëanor spends his entire youth,  in that case,  with his father grieving his mother.  we can assume  Fëanor would visit his mother with his father,  and this is where things start to shift.  at some point,  Finwë’s visits started to slow down.  at some point,  he realized his wife was not going to come back,  and to his credit,  it sounds like it took a long time.  but waiting until his son was an adult most likely made it more difficult.

but now here’s the thing,  there are certain aspects I’m going to touch on again that come from Christian values.  the main one being that marriage is for life.  now with humans, it’s simple. humans can die, so according to the law of God, if a man or a woman’s spouse dies,  they can then remarry with no spiritual conflict because their first husband or their first wife is now dead, and they are no longer committing adultery by remarrying.  now Tolkien doesn’t talk about this stuff quite like that because I believe he knew better than to force it.  one of Tolkien’s issues with the Narnia book series is that he thought his friend was being too much of a Bible Thumper with it,  and I can see where he’s coming from with that.  and so for that reason,  and also because despite his own faith he was inevitably interested in other cultures and religions,  I feel Tolkien was far more subtle with his influences.  but with a familiarity with Christianity,  I can see aspects that he took.  the main one being that elves married for life and had only one spouse because they do not die like humans do.  instead of dying,  their spirit rests in the Halls of Mandos,  and so by that logic,  Finwë’s wife didn’t really die so much as take her spirit to another location until they could be together again.  so the act of the remarrying,  in Finwë’s case,  had a little more implication than a human remarrying after the death of his wife.

so with that said,  we all know Fëanor famously did not approve of his father’s second marriage.  he likely,  and very rightly,  felt that it was a betrayal against his mother,  whose spirit he knew did reside in the Halls of Mandos even though she had left her physical form behind.  these aren’t just beliefs for those living in Valinor,  these were absolute facts.  so first,  there’s the anger of feeling that his mother was betrayed.  but then there’s also the fact that you take an adult single child and suddenly give him four or five siblings in a row,  he’s probably going to be less than pleased.  for one,  he’s already an adult and one with zero interest in his step-family,  so he’s unlikely to have much,  if any,  interaction with them as children.  and so by the time they reach adulthood,  they would now full-well that Fëanor doesn't like nor desire them.

so,  now we have the situation where if Míriel had just been a little tougher and actually stayed with...  y’know,  her husband and only child instead of selfishly giving up on physical life and just hightailing it out,  then Finwë never would have felt the loneliness and the need to remarry,  and her son would never have had to suffer through the heartache,  disappointment,  betrayal,  and pure misery that his life became.  if Míriel had remained alive,  her son could have done good things,  but instead he was lead to jealousy,  rage,  bitterness,  and this in turn essentially gave way to various dooms and misfortunes for his entire kin for the rest of their lives.

I honestly feel that as happy as he might have been to see her,  that Fëanor would have a hard time forgiving his mother to abandoning him.  Fëanor’s entire life was coloured by her abandonment.  I think it’s poetic justice that she has to weave the stories of the grief she caused.  a mother’s love can do wondrous things if she is there to give it.

[lairofsentinel]

Detailed Info from the TDP Podcast - Episode 5

Startouch elves   Sunfire elves   Tidebound elves

Moonshadow culture ❘༻༺❘ Weeding and courtship  ❘༻༺❘Goshting spell details  Silvergrove Goverment ❘༻༺❘Money  ❘༻༺❘Horn cuffs symbolism

Ethari

Ethari regrets the ghosting spell ❘༻༺❘Ethari is playful

Runaan

Runaan’s feelings while being trapped in the coin ❘༻༺❘Runaan and Ethari’s reaction to Rayla-Callum relationship

Rayla

Transition to live with Runaan and Ethari and her relationship with her parents

Rayla in School  ❘༻༺❘ Rayla’s parents personalities

Different scenarios for characters

Summary list 

They never came with a strong lore concept when they did this stuff. 

Silvergrove and Moonshadows:

Moonshadows live in small communities. 

Silvergrove is not the only Moonshadow community. Maybe the rest are hidden from one another since entering to them it’s needed a particular dancing-key.

Government in Silvergrove is apparently through a Council of different groups via consensus [They don't have a strong idea about this]

Silvergrove is in permanent dusk. It was based on Ashenvale from Wow (I loved Ashenvale so much, always!)

Main values: honor, loyalty, commitment, strictness that comes from valuing a close community.

They work to support each other. They work for the good of the community. (They are communist xD)

Because they are an isolated community, any small betrayal is magnified. It's a double edged sword. Having a community so close, supportive and isolated resents your ability to perform all of yourself  for the good of that community, and sometimes misunderstanding can be understood as big betrayals [Rayla’s case].

Horn cuffs can be extremely meaningful relationship-status gifts between couples but they don’t always mean marriage. 

 “Ethari definitely thinks Runaan has cute horns though. Fact.”

Sunfire: 

Singular authority. Monarchy.

Heavily militarized. 

Too focused in might and demonstration of strength. 

Xadia looks at them as protectors, but also as violent. They are a dual edged sword. 

They patrol the border.

Tidebound:

different in each part of the ocean. 

The concept of the flow allows them to communicate all over the planet through water, rivers and lakes. 

Not too much lore done about them for now. They need to work on it.

There is no Startouch elves society since they are not numerous.

Ghost spell:

Ethari regrets 100% having accepted the ghost spell, but he has no power to reverse it. He can do a quick charm to null it in the moment only.

Rayla’s ghost may be undone, but it needs a collective decision. It’s hard to believe that Ethari would convince the whole village about that.

They never thought if it has been a precedent of this spell being broken before. They think it's a good story to think about. 

Rayla and her parents:

(They are still thinking about this, and there are many versions, and this may change in the future. )

Honor is a key part of Moonshadow culture, so Rayla was sad because their parents were leaving but at the same time it was a huge honour because they were going to be part of an elite force defending the King and the Queen. That's why she was so hurt when she knew her parents had run away, putting aside her sadness and the honour that such duty represented. 

She also found honour in living with Runaan, the leader of the assassins. 

Because Runaan and Ethari were close friends of Rayla's parents, she didn't feel it as a big shock to go to live with them. They had been taking care of her before anyways.

Lian is like the ultimate Bro. A very positive person, who wants his friends to succeed and be happy. 

He is the most friendly elf among the Moonshadows.  And more impulsive. 

Tiadrin is the cold one, the one who does more calculations. 

Rayla as a child

Rayla was feisty.  

In the school she got general education, gardening, weapons, basics to everything and enough to contribute to the community in many ways.

Ecology of Moonshadow forest or history, were not her fave subjects. 

She was good in general subjects but excelled in PE.

She may have friends in her childhood but not many, since she appreciates her lonely time. 

“Fitting in is overrated” for her 

Ethari and Runaan [characters and relationship]

Their wedding involves dancing with a ribbon.

Dating should have a degree of formality since it's the moment where they express their emotions. Exchange of gifts and small favours as mutual hints: Ethari would put extra details in objects to Runaan. Runaan would ask Ethari too many checks on his weapons, more than it's necessary. 

The process is stiff and difficult [especially for Runaan], but once it's surpassed that time, there must be an open discussion about it. 

Runaan struggled a lot more about this.

Runaan is the most moonshadow elf of all moonshadow elves xD. Runaan probably would do the exchange of emotions in the most private way possible.

Runaan doesn’t stop to consider the emotional motivations for anything as his first course of thought. He jumps right to a very strategic and almost militaristic belief in the way people operate. 

Ethari has a playful side, but in episode 3 it is opaque due to the grief. 

Ethari is more clear with his display of emotions and apparently that's something that Rayla learnt from him, so that's why she was so confused about Callum when he did a display of emotions that she thought it was romantic and failed. 

Rayla took her soft heart from Ethari. 

Runaan in the coin.

Runaan certainly has a lot of time to think now. 

He wanted Rayla to succeed deeply, to redeem from the weight of her parent's sin and free her from her shame.

He has a small crisis thinking this is his fault, that he failed. “I did not train her well enough. Ethari was right.” 

He pushed her so much to put her into a position to fix her shame, that he ended up putting her in a position that she could not succeed at all. He regrets this.

He took her to this mission because he wanted her to succeed even if it meant their death, but he wanted to make Rayla to survive. He believed that she being alive was better than everyone dead. 

He feels guilty because he projected on her more what kind of person he wanted her to be, than what she truly is. But also a bit of anger, because he gave her all the opportunities and tools to take them and redeem herself, but she rejected them. However, the guilt will prevail during the introspection. “Maybe it was me who stepped too far.”

Runaan and Ethari relationships with Callum

Ethari will get that Rayla and Callum are a thing without needing too much time. And Ethari would be the one to talk about that with Runaan first, in order to soften his ideas.

Runaan probably will not want to show his emotions about the bad feelings that Callum inspires him but Ethari will sense that Runaan is not taking this well

Callum will live on the edge of “I'm going to die tonight” every time there is a family meeting XD

Ethari and Callum will get along quickly. Callum would do the dad jokes, Ethari would humour him, and Runaan would be completely oblivious to the meanings.

[literalbuzzkill]

Below I'm gonna vent so y'all can ignore that XD

I'm basically making this post as a timestamp/reminder for myself about Covid2020 and what I had to deal with during it (even though it's still a relentlessly ongoing problem, as of Jan2021, yikes)

Below is my personal experience in switching from working everyday as an essential retail worker to now a stay at home unemployed/leave of absense person. Don't feel bad about not reading it, it's long, boring, and I can't really expect anyone to actually be interested because the struggle is real and who wants to be reminded of the grim reality we can't currently escape? XD

[The Start:]

I was still working retail up until a few months ago because most people left. And being short staffed already before covid at my store, things became an even worse unmanageable nightmare because they started to work the remaining staff to death because no one really knew what to do which sucked and everyone was rightfully afraid of what was happening all around them, plus everyone internally was hoping that this would all blow over in a decent amount of time and we could all return to normal and never speak of it again. Considering Covid started around late January/early February in 2019 and today's date (for my future reference) is Jan 4th 2021, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it certainly has not blown over in a decent amount of time like originally hoped for. Oof.

I was a closer but because of covid my job turned into 'every position at the store and everything/anything that you can possibly get done'. All the stuff from morning team, mid shift, and nightshift rolled into one. Cashiering, phone calls, cleaning, ship from store, backroom, covering multiple breaks, and every department on hardlines salesfloor,

(I did everything except for guest services, food service, clothing, and hr)

you name it XD because most people abandoned ship and Yeeted (which I dont blame them for, t'was a big mood) our store did not hire replacements until literally a few months ago. After I left. Nice.

We were not getting paid any extra, having to stay late, running around with an unending unfinishable list, having to deal with rude customers and cranky bosses, full 8+hour shifts having to wear a mask (even in the break room, and sometimes missing breaks all together because of the large work load) Another problem, my job did not supply masks, proper cleaning supplies, gloves etc to us until an unacceptable amount of time had passed since the start of the virus. Now I didn't expect them to be stocked and fully prepared immediately, obviously.

It was also pretty frustrating getting reprimanded by customers when supplies were low everywhere and some things necessary for existing safely could not be bought anywhere due to high demand, which was only natural, but some people actually acted like it was our personal fault for the store for being sold out of things like hand sanitizer, masks, gloves, toilet paper, and even accused us for holding it in the back for ourselves (which wasnt the case, customers are top priority at our store so the workers usually got nothing to take home or buy, even if we had pulled it from the truck or stocked it ourselves.)

Aside from the excessive draining from normal retail where we already suffer from Karen's and the often unpleasant general public, the Rona made the daily grind even more intense, as if we already thought it couldn't get any worse.

Straying away from that for a second, personal lives were now also affected greatly. Added on top of this new fear/caution/lifestyle was not being able to see my fiance or his family for months because they are all at very high risk. (Unfortunately I am too, but I really needed the paycheck so I thought I had to keep working until the inevitable, which was not looked forward to, but as long as I was potentially exposed with my job we all had to be apart unless I decided to quit and risk not having enough money to pay my bills or survive.)

(Side note for context: My fiance and I have been very lucky enough to see eachother almost every day for 4 years. Surprisingly we have not gotten sick of eachother yet and kept up with that regularity. And though we are engaged, we dont live together, but we do only live 15 minutes away so we just drive over to eachother everyday. Anyway, point being that going months without seeing him at all killed me internally hardcore. This was before zoom was popular and we were not about to resort to Skype. His parents are older and closer to me than my own family and were not comfortable with any form of in-person visits so we usually just did phone calls.)

And eventually I gave up,

I made it halfway through this pandemic working everyday, not seeing the only people I considered family, and I couldn't do it anymore. It literally didn't feel human.

Not to mention this did not help whatsoever with my pre-existing problems, bad depression, anxiety, ptsd, Self h, etc... it was all just getting way too out of hand with more stress piling up daily and taking too big a toll on me to the point where I couldn't deal with my regular lifestyle anymore. I needed a break and a change to severely turn myself around.

So a few months ago I finally went on leave of absence and it was the hardest thing for me to do but honestly the best thing I did. Because everything was so uncertain and I worried about how helpful unemployment would be towards my bills, if I'd lose my job for being gone too long due to an open ended leave of absense for the sake of my health/safety, and honestly I loved my job and my coworkers, but many of them had already left so at that point it became easier for me to leave.

I'm currently making more on unemployment than my job was paying my bi-weekly and doing leagues better mentally, emotionally, and physically, than before when I thought I could last the whole time working through covid hoping I wouldn't catch it and probably die because my health is not 100% gucci in the first place. I was too stubborn to quit until I got to a breaking point and then realised that putting my health/life on the line when I'm at risk during a pandemic for literally no reason other than feeling bad for my one really kind boss (who ended up leaving for a better job anyway right after I left)

in my brain the whole time I figured "eh if I die then I die" but there was a major upside to saying "you know what, fuck this" and leaving.

I've gotten to take up hobbies and do things that I've wanted to do for like 10 years, I improved my financial situation, bought my dream car(A 2004Crossfire), got engaged to the love of my life, had more time to read, write, learn, create, help my fiance record his first official music video, support smaller businesses, get back in better physical health, regain stability, and a new respect for life, health, friends, family, acts of kindness, and how easy things used to be before covid and how it was unintentionally taken for granted.

Not gonna lie, at first I was pretty mad that people on unemployment made more than essential workers, but I also knew that it wasn't their fault for their personal situations or reasonings for needing it. The problem was mainly that many Companies/jobs could have done more, treated essential workers better, given more help, compensated financially, offered forms of protectionagaint the virus, or done literally anything extra at all to help employees who were struggling or who stay to continue working there during a terrible pandemic, and some companies/jobs have done good things for their workers in response of the outbreak which is awesome.

Workers should absolutely be compensated for their extra efforts, time, and pleasant attitude in this difficult time, and treated better than they are. Some things should 1000% be different but some things in this world are still a work in progress.

And also, for people with health issues that are at risk but working anyway for whatever reason, there shouldn't be any shame felt for taking care of yourself or by the people who have to go on unemployment, those who can't work, lost their jobs, need help or a break, or just can't do it anymore, because it hits hard when you realise that even though your effort is important and you're doing your best, playing an important role in society, you could also be risking your health/life or even possibly someone you live withs, for a company that will replace you pretty easily if you're suddenly gone.

I worked at my store for 4 years, was extremely hard working and did everything and anything I could to stay as long as I could during this, but I realised that I'd rather not risk myself and be treated how I was.

Ultimately, the sad reality is that covid has some people forgetting that humans (whether working or not) are humans too that can die or fail at any time given the current circumstances. Some situations are unavoidable like a pandemic, but we can do our best with whatever reality we meet, whether it's being essential the whole way through like some are able, and knowing your health well enough to be able to judge what's best for you individually for now.

but regardless making sure you're not taking yourself for granted in the process.

I'm lucky enough to not have gotten covid yet, and I hope it stays that way.

If your job isnt doing what it can for you in this time, dont be too stubborn about staying

Its not worth risking yourself for your job honestly, and I really hope peoples jobs do as much as they can for those they employ.

If you aren't working, do something with your time that you'll remember (safe things obviously) and if you are still working keep up the awesome progress, stay safe, and be blessed. ❤

[mycandylovefanatics]

Hello, Im so glad that you are back, I love your headcanons ! I was thinking what would happen if Candy gets unexpectedly pregnant near the end of UL when Castiel has a lot of commitments because of his career and the tour, if you like the idea and have any thoughts for that!

(Did two requests in one since it’s asking for the same thing. THIS TOOK ME A WHILE TO WRITE BECAUSE I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK BUT HOPE YOU ENJOY IT REGARDLESS! Also HUGE thanks to @sisaki-chan for helping a girl out with a few ideas for Cas, she’s such an amazing friend ugh ❤️)

Castiel

Ohhhhh my godddd not to be dramatic but like… this is probably the WORST thing that can happen right now lmao

As I stated in my last headcanons about “Candy having a 2 year old daughter”, the LAST thing Castiel would want or need is a freaking child. He’s got way too much going on and way too big of an opportunity to pass up for a baby. That probably sounds harsh but let’s be real here, do any of us REALLY think that Castiel would be happy about this, at this point in time? If he wasn’t about to go on tour then okay sure we’ll figure it out but now? Yikes.

His reaction to you telling him is not going to be good so don’t expect any “it’s going to be okay,” type of comfort. He’s going to be pissed. Mostly pissed at himself because at some point he MUST have slipped up. Expect him to walk away and not talk to you for a while. “I just, I need to be alone.” Yes this is an asshole move on his part but can you blame him? He won’t answer any of your texts or calls for a few days. He seemed very adamant about using protection during your one night stand, but not every method of protection is 100%, and you’re only human. Mistakes were bound to happen when it came to sex.

He tries to remember when it could have happened. He can’t pinpoint it but he was so SURE that you two were being careful. For a split second, he wants to question if it’s even his or not, because again, how? But he knows that you’d never do that to him, and he might feel just a bit guilty. At this point though he’s willing to grasp onto any possibility that maybe it was a false positive. After his days of brooding, he’ll call you finally. He’s not sure where to start, but he does want to go to the doctor to make sure it’s true. After your appointment does indeed confirm everything, he just sighs and runs an exasperated hand through his hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…”

Discussing your options is definitely going to happen. He will make it very clear to you that he does not want the baby, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to be a complete jerk about it either. He’s a man and he takes responsibility for his actions. He knows that he made this baby with you, so basically whatever decision you make he’s just going to suck it up and deal with it.

Now assuming you want to keep it in this case, he’s not happy about it at all. This might even put a strain on your relationship because he’s just in a bad mood all the time now. He isn’t trying to take it out on you, because again it’s not just your fault. He just doesn’t know how to handle the situation at all. How is he going to tell his band mates? What about the tour? Will he even be able to do that still? Would it be selfish? So many questions. Deep deep down though, he really just wants to do what’s best for you as well. He loves you and he would never just abandon you, but he also wants to follow his dream. Can he do that with you and a baby? I mean the plan was to break up before he left right? And now he feels like crap because what are his band mates going to say if he tells them that they aren’t going to be able to tour anymore because of him? After all of their hard work too, dammit! So this will probably cause them to fall out for a bit. I’m not sure if Castiel is close with his band mates to the point where he’d consider them close friends but I’d still like to think that eventually they’d patch things up? Just not know though, not at all.

Despite him being unhappy about it, he makes an effort. He makes it to every single appointment, he’ll help you when you’re not feeling well, and he TRIES to not be so negative around you because he knows you’re probably just as stressed as he is.

Oh god imagine having to deliver the news to the public though? Rumors have already started going around that the tour has been cancelled, but why? His band mates respect him enough to not give anyone an answer and he appreciates that a lot. But of course, speculation rises. You’re seen in public with him often, going in an out of doctors offices, the baggier than usual clothes you wear, the little bit of weight you seemed to have gained. That belly isn’t going to stop growing so people are going to find out sooner or later, let's be real. So when he does finally decide to announce it, everyone is shook.

He’s still a little bitter about the whole tour bit. He doesn’t resent you or the baby he’s just having a hard time coping with it. He thought about maybe just bringing you and the baby with him, but how would that work? Living mostly on a crowded tour bus, with multiple people AND a baby? Yeah no.

After awhile though, like some months into the pregnancy, he kind of starts to come around a bit more. Maybe when you’re almost due, like 7 or 8 months. He realizes, ‘oh shit I’m going to have a baby soon.’ His attitude towards the pregnancy shifts, a complete 180. It’s slow and subtle at first, but you begin to notice the slight smile he has during your ultrasounds, the way his face lights up when he hears the heartbeat for the hundredth time. And while you guys definitely should have done this already, things were just too stressful and busy to really talk about preparing the nursery for the baby. I’d imagine you’d be in Castiel's apartment for a little while, considering you’re in a dorm. All of the baby’s things have just been piling up in a corner, but then he gets this sudden motivation to just organize everything. You’re gone with Rosa somewhere for a while and by the time you come back literally everything is set up. The bottles are neatly put away, the changing table is set up in the bathroom with the diapers, wipes, powder and rash cream under it. It looks like Castiel's place is a studio apartment, so while the baby doesn’t have its own room, he still makes space for it in his. He clears out an entire corner and then some, and the bassinet is perfectly placed with the canopy draped over it. When you come home, he starts going on and on about everything. “I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend since we found out about the baby, but… I’m going to be there for you and for them because it’s my responsibility and I love you. And even though I haven’t met them yet, I love them too.” When the baby is finally born it’s really such a great time! It’s hard occasionally with your busy schedules, and finding time for each other is difficult. But at the end of the day, his favorite part is coming home to his little family, where he can just breathe and be himself. And he’s so good with them too, it’s crazy! It’s like he can read his baby’s mind sometimes. There will be some flops for sure, like backwards diapers or bottles that aren’t warm enough. But he gets the hang of it eventually. Oh man and when the baby gets a little bigger he’ll buy them a toy guitar it’s so cute. They’re both in the living room with their guitars. The baby is just pressing random buttons trying to imitate their daddy. Castiel applauds them as if they’re actually playing a good song lmao. He’s so proud of his mini me. I like to think he and his band mates would patch things up after a while, so sometimes during studio sessions he’ll bring the baby with him and they absolutely adore your kid! Everyone always wants to hold them, and they’re always buying new toys or bribing them with baby snacks. Ugh so adorable.

Oh yeah did you think he gave up on his dream? Hell no. Give it a couple of years, when the baby is a little older. It’ll be way easier to travel this way, and you guys have your own separate tour bus so that way you aren’t a burden to the others. Eventually you guys will settle down into a house and all, but the road trips and sightseeing with your baby is so much fun! When he’s not performing or rehearsing he spends as much time as possible with you two. And he’s very private about his child so I highly doubt they’d be in the spotlight that much, if at all. There’s like maybe 3 pictures of the baby’s face on the internet, but they’re all on your private page lmao no paparazzi has been successful yet.

Nathaniel

Oh geez more angst with this boy. Can’t we just eat cake made of rainbows and sprinkles and we can all eat and be happy?

Okay so first of all, like Castiel a baby is the LAST thing Nathaniel needs right now. I mean the man is involved with some really shady people who will do really terrible things as proven in the last episode, and by those two douchebags who tried to harass candy and multiple other women. And we know that Nathaniel is scared to death of whoever is in charge, he knows that they’re capable of doing messed up things to people who cross them. So now not only is he putting you at risk by even being with you, now he’s got a freaking CHILD on the way.

When you tell him, he’s shocked into silence. “...What?” He’s got thoughts running a mile a minute through his head. How could he have let this happen? He somehow feels like it’s his fault even though logically it’s not, but he KNOWS he can’t afford to have a baby right now, financially and metaphorically. He makes enough money to support himself as a drug dealer, but it’s not like he plans on being one forever. He’s not going to rely on drug money to take care of you and a baby, it’s just not happening. So now he’s gotta figure out how to find a different source of income so that he can do that. He doesn’t exactly want a baby but he’s not going to let you do this alone. “I’m going to figure something out, I promise.”

He’s done a pretty good job of keeping his relationship with you hidden away from them but people are bound to notice if he’s constantly around you all the time making sure you’re okay. So as much as he hates it, he just can’t be there with you 24/7, especially with them calling him up to do work for them all the time. Expect him to miss some appointments, some classes if you’re taking any and just being alone sometimes in general. He’d love nothing more than to be at home with you making sure you’re feeling okay but he can’t, and he can’t risk anyone trying to follow him to figure out why he’s never around anymore. It sucks but it’s for the best.

On another note though, this does nothing but motivate even more him to get out of the business he’s in. The last thing he’d want is to not be able to be there for you when the baby actually gets here, so he starts taking action a lot sooner than before. And honestly, if he has to sacrifice things for your safety then he will. The last thing he wants is for you to be used as leverage against him or whatever. In this last episode he left town for not only his safety but yours and Ambers as well. So with a baby involved I don’t even think he’d hesitate to leave this time. He won’t communicate with you in any way, he doesn’t want to risk it. But, he sends you money to your bank account whenever he can, and will send baby things through the mail if it’s not too risky. He misses you both dearly even though the little bean isn’t here yet, and I genuinely hope that in a case like this he would be able to come back before the baby is born but who knows? I have no idea how this arc will play out for him.

While he’s away, it’s pretty sad tbh. He’s crying all the time, he feels like complete shit for not being able to be there for you. I lowkey feel like he would keep in touch with Amber but she doesn’t tell you because he asks her not to. She secretly shows him ultrasound pictures and updates him on how you’re doing. She feels bad about it but she feels this strong protectiveness over her niece or nephew, and you too now. She wants so badly to tell you that he’s okay but she can’t. The only thing reassuring you of his existence is the fact that he keeps sending you money. He’s fine, just really freaking sad.

For this sake of this scenario I’m just going to go ahead and say that somehow, miraculously all of this gets fixed and he’s able to come back home. You’d decided to just move into his apartment after he left considering you’d be there all the time anyways. He knows you’re there, Amber told him. He gets back and wastes no time going back to his place. He doesn’t even bother to call you because the thought of seeing you again is the only thing on his mind. He left you and Amber the keys so he’s pounding on the door. It scares you at first and you cautiously look through the peephole. When you see him you swear your entire heart stops. You’re frozen to the spot. You don’t answer for a bit, and he pounds again. “Y-Y/N? Are you here?” It’s not until he says this that you snap back to reality and swing the door open. He doesn’t say anything, you don’t even have time to look at him and take it all in before he’s throwing himself at you. Carefully because now your belly is huge, but still enough force to push you back a bit. You can’t see his face but you know he’s crying because you can feel the tears staining your shoulder, and now you’re crying too. You stay like that for such a long time, just embracing each other and crying. You weren’t even sure if you’d ever see him again so this moment feels unreal.

When he FINALLY takes a step back from you, he grabs your face and kisses you with everything he has, and then he looks at your belly and the reality of it all hits him. Obviously he knew how far along you were but seeing it in person, finally being able to touch your belly and feel the kicks… it’s indescribable. He kneels down and places his hands on either side, a sad looking smile on his face. Of course he’s happy but he’s also sad because FUCK did he miss out. Sure appointments are annoying and shopping for a child can get hectic, but he would take that any day over having to leave you again. “I missed you so so much, I missed you BOTH so much.”

At this point you’re pretty far along in the pregnancy so I wouldn’t doubt it if you went into labor a few weeks after this. As nervous as he is, he won’t even show it. This is a moment he didn’t even think he’d get to have with you so all of his worries get pushed to the back of his mind. His fear used to be not being a good dad because of everything he had going on, but then he had to leave and his fear was not being able to see his baby at all, ever. So everything he worried about in the past doesn’t mean shit to him now, he’s here and that’s all the matters. When the baby finally gets here, it’s like the world around him fades out as soon as he hears that first cry. It’s just you, him and your baby. Having a tiny human in his arms feels like literal heaven to him. Was the situation for having a baby ideal? Of course not. Were you ready for a baby? Of course not. But he would choose this over anything if he had to do it all over again.

Oh god Nathaniel is such a good daddy. He’s so patient with the baby, and he’s as involved as he can be with him working an ACTUAL job and finally being able on school. He does online classes because he hates being away from you guys. When he’s at work he’s constantly sneaking to text you to make sure you’re okay, and he loves getting baby pictures during his breaks. He has slight anxiety when he’s away but he knows that the people he had to deal with will be put away for a long time so he tries to relax. As soon as he’s off he rushes back home to see you two, and just embraces you both in a hug, kissing both of your foreheads. You spend the rest of the evening just being next to each other. Even if you have to do school work, you’re both in the living room on your laptops just enjoying the other’s presence. The baby is probably in their walker running around the house, or falling asleep in their rocker. It’s just an all around peaceful atmosphere even if the baby is getting antsy. Expect visits from auntie Amber often too! It’s really great because she knows how busy you both can get so she’ll usually stay for a few hours to help with the baby so you two can focus on school or getting things done around the apartment. He’s also extremely protective of his family so she’s like the only one who can hold your kid besides Rosa and Alexy, without him glaring at the person and telling them no lmao. And not even just a polite no, he’s just so blunt about it. After what he’s been through he’s just very cautious of who he lets into his life and his family’s life.

[inbarfink]

Ace Attorney Defendants Rated from least to most cooperative and helpful to their own goddam attorney.

Matt Engarde: Look, no amount of like... eating-the-evidence or protecting the real killer’s gonna top actually BEING the real killer and kidnapping Maya to blackmail Phoenix into defending him. You just can’t top Literal Murderer as far as Bad Defendants go.

Zak Gramarye: But you know what comes as a close second? HIDING CASE-CRITICAL DECISIVE EDIVENCE FROM HIS OWN ATTORNEY FOR NO GOOD REASON, DISAPPEARING IN THE MIDDLE OF COURT, LEAVING HIS FUCKING EIGHT YEAR OLD ALL ALONE FOR HIS LAWYER TO RAISE THAT PROBABLY COUNTS AS UNCOOPERATIVE RIGHT

Machi Tobaye: KNOWS A LOT MORE ABOUT THE CASE THEN HE WAS TELLING??? LIKE I THINK ALL OF THE CASE WOULD HAVE BEEN SOLVED IF ONLY HE WAS HONEST WITH HIS DEFENSE TEAM????  Some of this was understandable because he was under fear of a Death Sentence, but.......... He really could have just told Apollo and Trucy he can see and speak a little English right from the get-go, at the very least.

Wocky Kitaki: Barely had the time of day to talk with his Attorney and so there was a LOT Apollo didn’t knew about the case and Wocky knew. Abrasive and mean to his defense team and was actually TRYING to get himself found guilty for a good chunk of the case, also trying to defend the Culprit. Pretty classic Bad AA Defendant.

Phoenix Wright: Gave false testimony, repeatedly almost incriminated himself, tried to protect the culprit, ATE THE EVIDENCE! He came around at the end, but I’m sorry Phoenix, Mia was a great lawyer and you didn’t deserve her /:

Larry Butz: Can’t shut up and so accidentally almost falsely incriminated himself. Argues with his attorney. Assumes that being Phoenix’s friend means he’s just gonna do his lawyering for free?????

Phoenix Wright Again: THAT’S RIGHT I’M COUNTING HOBONICK AND FEENIE SEPARATELY BECAUSE THEIR BAD-DEFENDANTNESS IS SO RADICALLY DIFFERENT IT’S WEIRD TO COUNT IT AS THE SAME THING. Anyway....... incredibly uncooperative and secretive in court, didn’t disclose like...................... ANYTHING to his attorney beforehand, MADE APOLLO PRESENT FALSIFIED EVIDENCE IN COURT. Yeah, he was also a HUGE help in court and basically led the trial (which is the main thing giving him an edge over Larry and Feenie), but still......... Why is every time Phoenix is a Defendant for someone else he is so BAD about this??!!!!

Terry Fawles: SOMEONE GIVE MIA FEY A GOOD DEFENDANT PLEASE. It’s hard to say how at fault he is for, like, incrimanting behaviour considering his mental state... But he DID work to try and protect the culprit... and he’s a creep for ““falling in love”“” with a 14-year-old girl when he was 20 and I know it’s not related to his helpfulness but it made me wanna rate him lower. 

Sister Iris: Knew a LOT more about the case that she wasn’t telling. Like...... the majority of the case would’ve been solved if she told Miles or Phoenix everything that she knew. Defending the culprit, I guess it’s noble considering the situation, but it’s hard for me to get behind it.

Lana Skye: I know that she was blackmailled over her sister accidently-killing-a-guy, but.... she DID have all of the information about the real culprit and (most of) what happened but kept shut about it for most of the trial. And also kept trying to confess and to dismiss Phoenix as her lawyer. Like, if there wasn’t the blackmail thing here as a defense she’d be way higher on the list............

Ahlbi Ur'gaid: Another Really Sucky Defendant with understandable reasons to Suck. Like, he’s a goddam kid indocrinated on Evil Anti-Lawyer Propoganda, it’s no wonder he’s so hostile and uncooperative to Phoenix. But..... yeah, that does make him a little of a pain in the ass until he comes around. 

Ron DeLite: Hard to say, really. On the one hand, he DID actually committ one of the crimes he was on trial for - but on the OTHER hand, he did actually try to confess to it - but on the OTHER OTHER hand that technically counts as not cooperating with your defense but on the OTHER OTHER OTHER HAND, Phoenix was the one not cooperating with him trying to prove him innocent of Grand Larceny but on the OTHER OTHER OTHER OTHER hand he was doing a terrible job of communicating just what the hell is going on. 

Vera Misham: A bit... quiet when it comes to one-on-one in the Detention Center, but considering her emotional state, she was fairly cooperative in court! It’s kinda hard to say since she spent so much of this case in the hospital.......

Solomon Starbuck: Not only repeatedly gave false testimoany to try hide the truth about his own space anxiety, but tried to flee court once he got called out on it. Thankfully, he’s not as competent as Zak, also thankfully, he gives up the bullcrap once we get to Day 2 of the investigation. 

Bucky Whet: Drunk, uncooperative, rude to his own Lawyer! I guess he kinda comes through with a Save by the end, though.

Ora Shipley: You know that you’re a Sucky Defendant when the ORCA ranks better than you.

Damian Tenma: Repeatedly tried to confess to a murder he didn’t commit, spent half of the case pretending to be a possessed........ He did to protect his daughter, which is admirable, but yeah that was kind of a headache for Apollo and Athena.

Will Powers: He’s a nice guy and gives some helpful information, but......... he also tried to hide the fact that Dee Vasquez and Sal Manella were in the studio that day for the sake of the ‘Bigwigs’ and that’s kinda sucky. Sorry, Will. 

Miles Edgeworth: He confessed to a murder he didn’t committ in court, but in his defense............. he did BELIEVE he was actually guilty so I guess it evens out.

Dhurke Sahdmadhi: On the one hand, he’s a huge help in Court as a Co-Counsel and he brought us the piece of evidence that turned the case around (the abillity To Do a Channeling with Apollo’s Biodad), but he also hid the GREATEST ALIBI in the world from us (being dead) and that Amara is Fucking Alive. He’s a defendant of extremes I guess. 

Max Galactica: I know he’s annoying and kind of a creep but we’re not rating likable witnesses we’re raiting helpful witnesses and I don’t think Max actually like... lied or mislead or hid information or accidently incriminated himself in court?

Ellen Wyatt: Look............ It’s not her fault she was gaslit into believing that she time-travelled.... that shit was Fucked Up and she did the best she could.

Juniper Woods: Juniper Woods Did Nothing Wrong.

Maggey Byrde: Helpful tutorial lady for her anmensia-stricken lawyer, even volenteers to punch him in the face to restore his memories. A bit more belligerent in “Recipe” due to having been found Guilty already, and that’s kinda understandable. Only really loses points for not recognizing that Furio Tigre isn’t Phoenix.

Trucy Wright: Cooperative and honest. 100% understands having to break Magician Secrecy Rules for the sake of getting her a Not Guilty (unlike SOME magicians I could mention)

Maya Fey: Not counting the stunt she pulled in “Bridge to the Turnabout” cause she wasn’t technically the Defendant - Maya has always been VERY cooperative. 100% honest about what happened, gives helpful tutorials in “Turnabout Sisters”, offers to break Phoenix out of prison. If only all defendants could be so delightful.

Athena Cykes: It’s hard to get more helpful to the defense than literally being a part of the defense team.

[paradife-loft]

the-mirador

replied to your post

“more mdzs novel bloggin. - explicit exposition that Jin Guangshan had...”

i think the discussion in the second paragraph is why i preferred the frame job in the show, because i didn't sense any sort of shift in /how/ he was controlling Wen Ning at any point, such that /he/ would believe that he lost control? (like tbh the way the scene was shot made it seem weird to me that he didn't immediately assume something fishy was going on). so it's disappointing to me that given what you've described, there's not a significant difference in terms of what he's actually doing that would make "losing control" more credible. i will say that i tentatively prefer the "framed" version, because i don't feel like i have a good enough sense of how the magic system works to understand why he fumbled, such that it would feel to me like more of a consequence of the general system of magic being used rather than the specific technique/intent, if that makes sense? and while i would like a more morally gray WWX, i'd prefer that to be about him committing /intentional/ acts of violence than taking on something he couldn't quite control. but that's just my preference.

woooo, awake/not at work/generally capable of replying to this now! I definitely feel what you’re saying here, and I think this plus some other discussion I’ve seen today about adaptational differences is all going to inform the, sort of free-association ramble below. so:

the point about the magic system! it occupies a weird space for me because in either medium, the magic is really only sketched out briefly, through implications a lot of the time, and in drips and pieces throughout the whole story - but also I’m the sort of person who compulsively and in many instances subconsciously tries to assemble the pieces of magic in a story into a comprehensive whole, filling in gaps in much more detail than an original canon gives us? so while I absolutely can be (and had been) automatically tossing up all manner of hypotheses that made sense to me for how WWX could have lost control of his powers, I find it frustrating for the text itself not to provide an account of what specifically happened in Wen Ning’s case, when the setup of that scene in particular makes me want a more detailed explanation of what went wrong to go from “WN fighting a hundred ranged combatants” to “WN now in melee, punching through a dude’s chest”. did he finish off the 100 archers and come down to help WWX, picking any target at random? did Jin Zixuan showing up emit a “delicious high-cultivation life energy, come and get it!” signal to any fierce corpses around that would prompt him to ditch the lowbie archers for a more interesting target? had WWX been keeping a part of his mind focused on an order to WN to control who he was attacking, and the destruction of his gift for Jin Ling fucked up his emotional control and focus such that his argument with JZX got mixed into the “orders for who Wen Ning should murder” channel? there’s implications that this latter is how we’re supposed to read it, but because throughout the scene there’s not... actually any narration of orders being given to Wen Ning in any format at all, it’s still very much a “who knows?!” situation.

and for that matter - the combination of logistics and lackluster explanatory narration that kills that scene, feels even more striking when compared to the very next instance of WWX losing control, in the battle at Nightless City. first, we have a context that makes what’s going on a lot more obvious and plausible, in addition to imo some stronger narration of what is actually happening for Wei Wuxian’s internal perspective. like: he’s pretty clearly unleashing a whole bunch of corpses, directing them to kill anyone on this battlefield except the Jiang sect disciples. he’s explicitly said to be in a volatile emotional state, furious and then terrified once Jiang Yanli shows up; and his panic is destroying the control he’s able to exert over the corpses. JYL is one of many potential targets to a large number of corpses in the exact same area (not a single corpse up until now on a different part of the battlefield). WWX specifically issues an order to the corpse coming after JYL, which is ignored; and later, when he exerts great effort to steady his mind, he’s able to make them obey him again and stop killing.

I think a part of the trouble I have with using “Wei Wuxian loses control of his cultivation abilities and kills people he didn’t want to” as a part of his moral greyness, is that perhaps ironically, I haven’t really gotten the impression in the novel that him losing control of those abilities was something likely that he should have weighed more heavily in his decisions to continually use demonic cultivation in the first place. and this might be a failure on the part of my memory, but - I felt like I got the sense that his control over himself and the spirits he commanded was much more volatile and likely to blow up in his face during the drama, not the novel. and since the ethical value of a loss of control is about whether it’s something foreseeable and possible to take precautions against, rather than whether it happens at all - the two versions feel almost mismatched to me.

(if you want “morally grey due to intentional acts of violence committed,” though, what seems like a real shame to me is actually the difference in the scene a bit after Qiongqi Path, where WWX finds the bunch of low-level cultivators being assholes about the Wens and goes to town on them. the drama version of this scene is kind of ambiguous about what’s actually happening to these people, but in the novel, WWX actually does a lot of curb-stomp \-battle grievous bodily harm to this batch of nobodies - breaks some legs, kicks out a guy’s teeth, etc. - just as a directionless expression of his rage. it’s good.)

....I think ultimately where I’m settling, as far as what my “bits of multiple versions mashed together personal canon” comes out to, is having the Qiongqi Path incident be a framing, but the Nightless City scene not be? keeping both incidents as pure loss of control on WWX’s part feels a bit like it blunts the impact of what’s going on with his mental state once he thinks WQ & WN have been killed - is the recapitulation of his major trauma more or less equivalent to the (admittedly shitty) way he’s treated when ambushed by JZX? and besides that, the specific outcome of the Nightless City incident, Yanli getting hurt, just seems more likely to happen as a result of a loss of control compared to the specific dead-Jin-Zixuan outcome of Qiongqi Path. (since there are also plenty of other ways in which Qiongqi Path is a setup, adding in yet another layer of that doesn’t feel quite so... exonerating, as making the additional deaths at Nightless City not WWX’s fault does? at least that’s my opinion.) so doing a little bit of each version I think ultimately... preserves the level of competence WWX is always shown as having with his abilities - a competence that only breaks down under a truly extraordinary circumstance - while also not wiping him morally spotless in the department of being too reckless and uncaring, and thus getting innocents/his loved ones hurt in the process.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

ASM v5 #31/832 Thoughts

Another fantastic issue!

I don’t have too much to say on this one pretty much because it’s simply an expansion of the last issue.

Spencer does a mostly great job of replicating ASM #121 with shockingly accurate dialogue albeit it’s not 100% the same (nor are the shots where the dialogue is spoken). However whilst last time I proposed No. Prizing this away as the fault of memories the fact that so many very specific lines (like the percentage of Norman’s stock) are ripped directly from the comic make me think that Spencer altered the dialogue intentionally, possibly to reflect memories altering.

Norman’s character is explored incredibly well, Spencer clearly ‘gets’ him although one slight cause for concern MIGHT be the idea that Norman’s grudge against Peter being nonsensical since he didn’t know him very well. If Spencer is writing that from the POV of Kindred then that’s fine but if he is using Kindred as a metatextual mouthpiece it’s not because Norman’s grudge is fairly easy to understand. Spider-Man spoiled his schemes, beat him, gave him amnesia, turned him into a weaker man (in his own eyes) and betrayed his son. And that’s just the Silver Age!

Everything else though is 100% on point in regards to Norman and Peter’s drive to defeat him. Like how Gwen’s death is a perennial victory for Norman.

To be honest the ONLY thing that was genuinely off in the story was Spencer’s assertion that Peter subconsciously allowed the symbiote to bond with him because it could make him stronger and thus hopefully avert further acts of evil by Norman.

There are a few problems with this.

For starters Norman was believed dead at the time. Second of all Peter didn’t know the symbiote could make him stronger and indeed as originally presented it didn’t. The idea of the symbiote enhancing it’s host’s strength was innovated after it separated from Peter and in fact is mostly implied to be able to do that at all BECAUSE it bonded with Peter and was thus able to replicate his powers.

Now we must talk about Kindred.

This issue really, really points the finger at Harry.

The idea of Kindred being Norman’s legacy alone would do that but the fact that the flashback scene in question is premeditated on Harry also pushes hard for that theory.

BUT...I have doubts.

The most obvious thing to point out is, presuming all the clues are playing fair and there isn’t a red herring among them, how does the Kingpin or Black Cat scenes from Trivia Night and The Heist fit with Harry?

In fairness you can do some mental gymnastics to make both work.

Harry had aspirations of becoming the ruler of the criminal underworld back in Spec #189 as a fulfilment of his father’s ambitions. Thus making Kingpin bow to him could be argued to fit Harry from a certain point of view. Additionally Harry and Kingpin were both members Century Club (a kind of upper class hangout for rich and powerful men) as seen in ASM #249-250. In those issues Kingpin actually helped Spider-Man fight the Hobgoblin who was attempting to blackmail Harry, Jameson and various other members of the club. I don’t know how that would result in Harry wanting Kingpin to bend the knee but it’s something to consider. Finally Kingpin tried to kill Norman in PPSM #95 (an underrated classic frankly) which again from a certain POV could prompt Harry to make Kingpin bend the knee either out of a sense of warped honour to Norman or to prove to himself he’s better than the man who almost did his father in and is thus better than his father at the end of the day.

As for Felicia, that’s more tricky. The only thing I can think of is that she was briefly part of Peter’s circle of friends back when she was dating Flash and thus Harry might consider her a friend or a friendly acquaintance undeserving of suffering due to Peter.

That all being said, Kingpin and Black Cat are not even the things that make me cast doubt upon Harry. It’s the flashbacks in this issue.

If we presume Kindred to be an established character in some way shape or form then we have to presume it was someone present at the flashbacks in this and the last issue. Harry would fit the bill with the EXCEPTIONS of the scenes featuring Peter alone and the scene outside Osborn’s home between Gwen, MJ and Peter. Harry wasn’t within earshot of those scenes so how could it be Harry.

The only way to make those clues fit is to argue that the flashbacks aren’t strictly speaking from any one character’s point of view. That is to say the comic is showing us one big flashback sequence but Peter and Kindred are simultaneously remembering it independently, thus the scenes absent of Harry are Peter’s memories, the scenes absent of Peter are Harry’s memories and the scenes where in theory both could remember them are both of their memories.

Even if you buy that though the really, really big reason this issue cast doubt upon Harry was that I felt that it was simply way too on the nose and obvious if that was the case. Like if Kindred is talking directly to Norman Osborn and saying he hates him, and he made him into this and Norman says Kindred is his legacy whom he is proud of that spells out for you it’s Harry and therefore it’s TOO obvious!

Unless of course Spencer is relying upon us dismissing Harry because he is still alive.

Anyway, the last thing I will say is that I like that Spencer is setting up Norman’s return to normal sooner rather than later. Thank God!

In case you couldn’t tell I highly recommend this issue.

P.S. Spidey gave one of the all time great beat downs of his career in this issue. I dunno how much sense it makes given how regular Carnage is too much for him and this is Carnage multiplying the Goblin’s power level but whatever it was cool. Maybe Kindred was affecting his power level or this symbiote not being the real Carnage symbiote means it doesn’t multiply your strength to the same degree.

P.P.S. Although I know I shouldn’t i liked that Ottley altered Gwen’s look in this comic book. The cliche is to depict Gwen wearing the outfit she died in. In fact in 90% of every comic Gwen (or her clones) appeared in post-ASM #122, whether it was a vision, a flashback or anything else she always wore that green coat and the rest of the clothes she died in. 

Ironically Ottley is flashing back to the actual story she died and she DOESN’T look like that, even her hairstyle is different. And oddly enough that’s refreshing.