So one thing I’ve noticed is that people’s DnD characters may vary but there is usually an underlying thread that they all have in common. This thread is typically related to what that person struggles with the most.
For instance, my betrotheds DnD characters: a bitchy warlock we had to bust out of two different pacts, a sassy barbarian, a reformed drow cultist, and a sunshine fighter cleric.
All these characters were wildly different but at their very core struggle was them grappling with their self worth. My betrothed struggles with their worth a great deal and even with different facets showing their characters all have that too.
Mine all tend to contend with different themes of loneliness and acceptance. Surprise, surprise, the little autistic gremlin yearns to have been met with more love and lasting friendships.
So we’re at breakfast. I am meeting a new friend of my betrotheds for the first time. It’s been twenty minutes since I’ve met this man. I say my theory. He laughs. He starts to describe a few of his characters but specifies that he often has healing aspects. He gives a very broad overview of their character arcs.
I ponder for a moment then said, “Would you like to have my assessment?”
He laughed, “Sure!”
“We’ve just met. It’s gonna get real.”
“Bring it on.”
“I think your struggle is that you feel you must offer something of value or service to people to be worthy of their love.”
His jaw dropped. His fork froze midway to his mouth. A potato fell. He stared into space as this sank in. Quietly he said, “Oh.”
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Buck loves a lot of things with Tommy; his kindness, his deadpan sense of humor, the way he throws himself into his work with equal parts passion and almost reckless abandon. The way he listens to Buck's rants with genuine interest, the way he counters with interesting facts of his own. The way he says Buck's name, almost like it's something precious, something holy. But right now, in this very moment, the one thing he loves the most with Tommy, is the fact that he has a bathtub.
Buck lets out a groan as he sinks into the warm water, his muscles tense and aching from hours of hard work. A hot shower had always been the go-to after a long shift, but this right here, this was something Buck could definitely get used to. He closes his eyes and lets himself relax into it completely, his whole body breathing a sigh of relief and his mind, for once, not racing a mile a minute.
"You know, I'm starting to think you're only with me for my bathtub."
Buck opens his eyes again and lets his head loll to the side as he squints at Tommy, where he's leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest and an amused look on his face.
"I plead the fifth," Buck says with a wink and a smirk, then holds out his hand towards Tommy, asks quietly, "join me?"
Tommy tilts his head in consideration, the corners of his mouth pulling upwards in a soft smile, says, "I'm not sure we'll both fit."
He moves, nonetheless, pushes himself off the doorframe and starts to undress, his movements far from rushed as he removes one layer of clothing at a time. Buck watches him, his eyes following the journey one of his own shirts makes as it's pulled up and over Tommy's head, and then dropped unceremoniously onto the floor. His eyes moves back to Tommy's chest, the dusting of soft hair that covers it, tantalizing in the way it beckons his gaze to follow its trail down, down, down, to where it disappears beneath well-worn denim. Then, Tommy's hands block his view, as deft fingers works first the button and then zipper, before slowly peeling off the material.
Buck swallows, feels that familiar heat pooling low in his belly, just from the sight before him. And god, what a sight it is; Tommy, all long lines of naked skin, a slight flush on his cheeks, as he moves closer until he's standing right beside the bathub. Buck stretches his fingers, the tips of them touching the bare skin just above Tommy's knee. This, he knows, he'll never get used to.
There are a lot of things Buck loves about Tommy. His big heart, yes, but also the way his body feels pressed against Buck's own. The way his muscles shift beneath his skin when he presses Buck up against a wall or into the mattress, the broad expanse of his chest and shoulders and back. The way he, most nights, envelopes Buck wholly, covering him from where his lips press against the nape of his neck all the way down to where he lets Buck tuck his cold toes between his feet. He loves how it makes him feel, how Tommy makes him feel - tethered, secure, safe.
Like now, as he leans back into Tommy's open arms; his back pressed against his chest, his hips and legs bracketed by Tommy's strong thighs and Tommy's equally strong arms holding him securely in place. Buck can't help but let out a sound, then, something caught between a sigh and a moan. Beneath him, he can feel Tommy's heartbeat, a slow and steady thing.
Distantly, Buck thinks he could get used to this, too. Having someone to come home to, that is. He spends most nights at Tommy's, but they haven't really had that particular conversation yet. They probably should, though, because as far as Buck's concerned, there's nowhere else he'd rather be. No one else he'd rather come home to, bathtub or not.
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