#in my defense of not remembering he had a dream theming

[shinidamachu]

the importance of "I'll protect you with my life"

For @inukag-week's sacrifice prompt, I thought I'd expand on a topic I have only mentioned before: the "I'll protect you with my life" line and why it matters even more than we give it credit for.

The thing about Inuyasha's character is that he was build — both physically and psychologically — to survive.

Physically, the fact that his own blood can be weaponized into a powerful attack backs up that assumption.

And so does the fact that one of his defining traits is having a defense mechanism that kicks in whenever he's on the verge of certain death with the sole purpose of keeping him alive.

Psychologically, his tough childhood shaped his survival instincts into a reliable and sharpened sense. And this next part is more of a conjecture than anything else, but I believe Izayoi's death plays a huge role here.

It can be assumed that she gave up a lot in order to live her love story and her life choices ultimately resulted in an early death. Inuyasha, being the child born from that love, has no better way of honoring her memory than living. First, for her. Then, to spite those who were against his very existence.

And this — conscious or not — need to live, is deeply intertwined with his desire to belong. Fitting in is the safest way to survive and, at first, he tried to achieve that by becoming a powerful demon.

Then, he went the opposite direction and agreed to turn into human, which only cements that his true wish wasn't to simply become one or the other at all, but to be accepted, so he could live.

That's why he doesn't take threats to his life laying down, especially when unearned. It may not look like, given his reckless way of dealing with things, but in a crooked way, Inuyasha actually values his life.

So much, in fact, that putting other people's lives above his own was a foreign concept that he struggled with at the beginning and had to learn in order to wield Tessaiga.

When Kagome tells Inuyasha she will help him with the sword under the condition he promises to protect her, she obviously never meant that said protection should cost of his life.

She wouldn't dream of it because she knows she's not entitled to it. He doesn't owe her anything. Although, one could make a point that he kind of does.

Kagome is literally the reason he is alive. Through their journey, is a recurring theme that her voice would bring him back from death's grasp every time. She's constantly saving his life. In more ways than one.

And despite Inuyasha's immediate reaction to her request being to mock her and making it clear that he never said he would protect her forever, he was the one to willingly and unpromtly add the "with my life" bit.

Even though protecting Kagome with his life was precisely what he had been doing the entire time — in spite of spending a good chunk of the series thinking his life wasn't his to give away —, to say it out loud makes for an amazing paralel and it shows how much they've grown, both as characters and as a couple.

But more than that: it shows a whole new level of devotion. For the first time ever, Inuyasha is chosing to promise his life to someone for no other reason than the fact that he loves her.

And despite talking about a lifelong commitment, I can't remember a single stance of the story where Inuyasha had acted more free.

No wonder the scene can be interpreted as a proposal.

[back2bluesidex]

Forbidden - KNJ (18+)

Pairing: Professor!Namjoon X Student!Fem reader

Theme: SMUT, PWP, Forbidden relationship au.

Summary: You know it's forbidden but you don't care, not when your professor is more than ready to ruin you.

Word count: 1813

Warnings: professor fucking a student, cumming on her ass, strong language, spanking, slut shaming, Joon hits it from behind, unprotected sex (it's a no no), domish Namjoon.

Minors are NOT welcomed in this blog!!

✨✨✨✨

Forbidden - “Not permitted or allowed” 

There is not a single part of the definition that you don’t understand -- Yet you can't help it.

All of your life you have been an exemplary kid. Be it academics, be it code of conduct, be it discipline, you have always excelled in everything. But you were never nosy about it. You kept yourself humble but quite reserved at the same time. You know well which lines cannot be crossed and which ones can, that too, when you should cross them. 

With a pair of big doe eyes and a heart full of enthusiasm, you stepped into this university. All set to achieve your dream degree. 

However, some of it changed when this one particular person walked into your life. 

“I clearly remember asking everyone to do their own parts even if it’s a group project. Didn’t I?” Kim Namjoon, your physics professor, says with his baritone voice. Hints of anger evident in his expression. 

“Yes, professor.” You and your project partners chant in unison. 

“But I got this feeling that two of you haven’t even written a single word.” Namjoon crosses his hands on his chest as he supports his weight on the table. Your eyes follow his every movement. The way his chest flexes against his tight turtleneck, it's illegal. You inhale sharply trying to shoo away the intrusive thoughts that are starting to cloud your mind. 

“No professor! We did as we were told” one of your partners almost shouts in her defense. You resist the urge of rolling your eyes. You know Namjoon is right, because you were the one to do the entire project. Park Sun Mi was way too busy with her baseball captain boyfriend and Lee Jae Min was way too high to come down and use that one left brain cell to do the project. You had no choice but to do the entire thing alone. You can’t afford to lose points because of your unworthy partners, even if that means giving them the scores they clearly don’t deserve. 

“Is that so? Then you should have no problem in appearing for a test based on the project in my office after your class hours.” their mouths fall open at Namjoon’s suggestion. 

“But professor-” Jaemin starts but Namjoon cuts him off,

“No ifs and buts. Report directly to me after your classes are over. Is that clear?” Namjoon says in a very authoritative tone. There is no room for any objection any more. Neither that you would ever object, you would rather spend an hour or two taking an unnecessary test in his presence than going home and resting. 

“Yes professor.” again you three answer in unison. 

“Leave” your professor orders. You are about to turn your heels when he orders again, “Y/N, I need to talk to you. You two leave.” You catch Sunmi rolling her eyes at you.

Your heart reacts faster than your mind. It starts to beat menacingly in an instant and you don't know how to act normal. You can’t really wrap your head around the fact that you are getting a piece of time to spend alone with the man of your dreams, your guilty pleasure, your forbidden desire, Kim Namjoon. You are so lost in your head that you didn’t even notice that Namjoon has been ogling your exposed legs. However, he soon composes himself and clears his voice to claim your attention.  

“Y/N… I didn’t expect that from you.” His voice is mixed with disappointment and anger, maybe? 

First of all, this is the first time in two semesters’ time, he has called you by your first name only, no suffix or prefix to burden the weight. Secondly, you don’t know why but, him being angry with you sends tingles down your spine. It definitely should not be like this. Had it been any other time, you would have probably sulked or cried your eyes out because you disappointed your mentors but…. This time it’s different. This time it's Namjoon. 

You don’t say anything in your defense. You know Namjoon understood that you did the entire project alone the very moment he read it, when it was supposed to be a “group” project. You are no better than your partners. You were on your way to give them free points for your own selfish needs. So, you hang your head low, avoiding his eyes. 

He marches towards where you are standing and comes to stand right in front of you. 

You curse at the proximity he has chosen to tease you with. 

“sorry, professor” you apologize with your small voice. 

“I think you are intelligent enough to know that your apology will not be enough, Y/N” he breathes out. The anger and disappointment in his voice are now gone, now those are replaced by something akin to darkness. 

“Professor, I-” You are immediately interrupted as Namjoon puts his index finger below your chin and tilts your face up to make you meet his eyes. Another round of shivers run down your spine as you perceive his siren eyes and the looming mischief in them. 

“Don’t you think you deserve some punishment?” Namjoon takes a step towards you as you take a step back. 

“You have been acting like a bad girl lately-” another step.

“-bad girls deserve punishment and I knows how to treat brats like you.” your ass comes into contact with the first row of desks. With blown out pupils you stare at your professor and try to comprehend the meaning behind his words. He, on the other hand, seems to be enjoying the way you are already submitting yourself to him. 

“Profe–” he cuts you off again, 

“Shhh– turn around” he orders and you comply without sparing a second thought. Your morals and rationality have feld through the open window long ago. 

You turn around and stand back-facing him. He places one of his giant hands on your shoulder and lowers your upper body down enough to perk your ass up. Your heart thumps as if it would burst out of your chest any given moment. Anticipation of what might happen in the very next moment, makes you leak. For a moment you think that you are dreaming. There is no way your daydreams are taking the shape of reality, you ain’t that lucky. But the next moment, you are proved wrong, when you feel Namjoon’s rough hands brushing right below your skirt’s hem. He bunches your skirt up and reveals the supple flesh of your perked ass. One of his palms creases down your butt through the thin material of your panty. He hooks two of his fingers on the hem of your underwear and pulls that down in an instant. 

And before you could accept the fact that you are now butt-naked in front of your hot professor, thinking of whom you hit your high every other night, a tight slap lands on your right ass. You yelp, eyes start stinging with tears right away. 

“For working on the entire project alone.” Namjoon groans.  

“Fuck” you curse out loud. 

Another slap lands at the same spot. “For concentrating more on my arms and thighs than the white board.” You gasp for air. 

Another slap. “For wearing these short skirts and driving me crazy.” 

Fuck, did you really drive him crazy? 

The last slap lands on the same spot. “For making me do something so forbidden.” 

You are drooling, both by mouth and cunt, by the end of the spanking session. Namjoon massages the fat of your ass as his other hand travels towards your cunt. He drags his slender fingers through your slit once and then parts your folds to gain access to your clit. You start to breathe heavily but stay still and let him do whatever he pleases. 

“Tell me to stop before I do something wrong, Y/N” his thick voice causes you to leak more. 

“No. don’t stop. I- I have wanted you, professor, for a long time now.” 

“You nasty little slut, do you think it’s okay to fancy your professor like this?” Namjoon says through his gritted teeth. All the while, his fingers probe into your cunt bringing a delicious friction and stretch with them.

“Fuck! So tight!” Namjoon exclaims. The more he discovers your tightness, the more his nails dig into your ass. 

You moan some incoherent curses and those arouse Namjoon even more. 

“You like it, don’t you? You like being corrupted? By the professor you desire? Hmm? A model student like you but so nasty inside?” He says with his husky voice. 

“Yes, professor. For you, only for yo-ah fuck” Your head starts to spin when he scissors his digits and stretch your walls even more. 

“For me? Yeah? Then do you want my cock?” he presses his thumb on your clit. 

“Yes. please.” you choke out, and that’s the confirmation Namjoon needed. He removes his hands from your body once for unbuckling his belt and setting his cock free. Once the deed is done, he slaps his thick meat on your ass. And fuck, you never knew you had so much of juice left inside of you cause you are leaking again. 

“Spread your legs.” he orders and you comply. 

He enters you bit by bit. At first it's just the tip and then he is half inside and then he is balls deep into you. The stretch is dreamy, far better than what you imagined and you want it all. 

“Should I move now?” His considerate voice makes your heart flutter and that’s a territory you don’t want to cross. You nod and he slams his hip into you. 

You arch your back. Namjoon wraps his hand on your waist to keep you in place as he starts thrusting into you mercilessly. 

The desk starts shaking violently but he doesn’t stop, neither do you want him to. You don’t even care if anyone is hearing you two doing things you definitely should not. With a vice-like thrust he hits your g-spot and your cream his cock without any warning. 

“Fuckfuckfuck” namjoon curses as he struggles to keep the pace. You know he is close as well. He pulls out his cock and cums all over your ass. His cum drips down the globe of your ass down your thighs and the scene alone makes him wanna fuck you again. However, he is a man of control. 

He let the beast out once and that should be enough. He knows you are a forbidden fruit and he should not touch you ever again. But the question is, can he contain himself? Especially when you turn around and seal your soft, sweet lips into a tempting kiss while both of you are still naked enough to start fucking again? Especially when you are so willing to be ruined by him and the bad boy in him roars to life. 

✨✨✨✨

[odinsonslut]

4 am

⊹ genre: angst, fluff ending

⊹ pairing: george weasley x reader (implied female)

⊹ themes: slight enemies to lovers, slight friends to lovers???

⊹ summary: following the abrupt ending of your friendship, George, the instigator of the breakup, continues to treat you with carelessness and disregard. You’re pushed to the point of retaliation, leading to a cruel confrontation. George attempts to redeem his character and finally express his feelings.

⊹ warnings: swearing, kind of a heated suggestive make-out, a mean george.

⊹ word count: 2.1k

⊹ a/n: I haven’t written since, like, 2018. PLEASE, please treat me gently. I know I tend to overuse the same phrases within a story. I also suck at writing summaries. I promise there’s more to it than described 🫶🏽🫶🏽

It was 4 am when I jolted awake, still wading off the reminiscent agitation from a dream involving a sinking ship and a niffler from what I could remember. Hermione’s lamp was on its dimmest setting right next to where she had fallen asleep, book in hand, a muggle book I had gifted her since I rarely saw her reading for pleasure since we entered our fifth year. 

I turned her bedside lamp off on my way out, hoping the elves were up preparing breakfast. I’d befriended Winky and often spent time with her over butter cookies in the kitchens when I had trouble sleeping. Her addiction was steadily improving without the burden of her previous master.

I made my way to the common room, contemplating walking all the way down to the kitchens, when I heard a thudding pair of footsteps down the stairs. It was George. It was too late to act like id never looked up; we had already made eye contact. Our usual routine was to avoid an acknowledgement of any form. Things hadn’t been the same since he’d rejected my invite to the yule ball last year, though that wasn’t why our friendship had fallen through.

“He’s got you sneaking out at night now too?” 

I was taken aback. The last time we’d ever spoken was the reluctant exchange of Merry Christmas’ due to Molly’s prodding at the burrow. The ‘he’ George was referring to was the date you ended up with at the ball, Draco, the reason George had cut you off completely that night.

“Tell Angelina she’s welcome to join us when she grows tired of faking it with you.” 

I was furious. Why does he get to decide your friendship is over? Why does he get to be mad about your relationship after rejecting you? Why is the standing of our relationship always dictated by how he feels and what he wants? And why should I continue acting civilly towards him?

I picked a book off the shelf and bumped his shoulder as I passed him, deciding to return to bed. I had lost my appetite.

-

I’d practically sprinted to the great hall for dinner after a two-hour-long class of potions. Since your breakup, being partnered up with Draco for the next year was a little awkward. Keeping the DA a secret and him being on the inquisitorial squad just caused too many issues that couldn’t be resolved on top of the Gryffindor-Slytherin debacle. He was the sweetest boy, and being apart still hadn’t affected how he treated you at all: softly, politely. It was comforting knowing he’d always have a soft spot for you, but getting to the point of friendship would take a little longer.

I sat between Hermione and George, across from Harry, getting subtle looks from my friends. I was tired of walking on eggshells around George, waiting for him to dictate how our interactions go or tailoring my behaviour for his comfort. This was his problem, not mine. 

“Get yourself somewhere else to sit. This seat is spoken for”, he spoke immediately. 

I refused to react defensively. Instead, I picked an eclair off his plate and took a bite. 

Harry avoided looking at us at all, shovelling meat pie into his mouth. Hermione didn’t employ the same faux indifference, staring directly at us. George shifted a bit farther away from me and continued eating, similarly refusing to give me a reaction. 

“Where is Angelina? Last I saw, she was off ‘practising’ with Marcus Finch”, I prodded, refusing to concede

“Your desperation for me is becoming pitiful to witness; it’s pathetic. Keep her name out of your mouth; you’d think it’d be exhausted with what all you spend your time doing with it.” 

You finally got the rise out of him you were looking for, you pushed him to a breaking point, but it wasn’t the satisfying victory you imagined. It hurt.

I kept my gaze downcast, lightly placed the remainder of the unfinished eclair back onto George’s plate and left the hall. I spent the night on a couch in the room of requirement, unwilling to accept Hermione’s comfort quite yet.

-

“What on earth is going on with you two?”  Hermione was lying on my bed beside me, our hands loosely intertwined. She’d spent all Saturday morning with me, avoiding the topic of George completely till now. 

I sighed

I knew it would be an inevitable discussion, but a part of me wished I could avoid it into in-existence. “It was embarrassing, Mione. I think we’re truly done with each other, and I honestly feel okay with the thought of that. I know I pushed him, but hearing those words was jarring. It felt like a completely different person than who I thought was still in there. It’s the lighthearted and slightly sarcastic tone in which he said it that made it hurt. I feel foolish.”

“Nothing you put him through warranted that response, honestly? It sounded more like a projection to me. You were dignified in accepting his rejection, and he cut you off for going with someone else?”

“There is absolutely no sense in trying to decipher why the Weasley boys act the way they do. I’ve still never gotten a sound explanation as to what exactly Ron was on that night, either. I mean, it’s obvious he was jealous but-

“Yeah, jealous he wasn’t Victor’s date for the night”, She cut me off.

“oh my god, whatever happened to the Krum-themed anal plug Fred had custom-made Ron for Christmas third year?”

-

Opening my eyes felt like such an effort; my head felt like pounding out of its skull in an unfamiliar bed in the boys’ dormitory. I recognised the burgundy hand-knitted sweater with a large W embroidered on it. My heart leapt into my throat for a split second. I had worried I’d somehow managed to break into George’s room for a confrontation. 

He had been on my mind a lot lately. It had been about two months since the incident, and since we last spoke, and lately, he and Fred have been all everyone can talk about with the success of their prototypes and antics that seemed to have tightened in frequency the more decrees imposed by Umbridge.

I was rushing to get my things together when he walked in. I paused in place, petrified.

“You were careless last night. I don’t know when you became this person, but you’ve got to stop letting Malfoy ruin you. Muggle narcotics are dangerous.”

Just hearing his voice chastising me yet again pulled at me internally. 

“I’m begging you to stop saying anything to me at all if they’re going to come out like that; I will genuinely beg because I just can’t take this from you anymore, George.”

He looked unamused 

“When did you become so weak? Malfoy broken you down so badly that all you know how to do is make yourself small and beg?”

I’d had just about enough. I threw George against the wall yelling at him to shut the fuck up, haphazardly punching him wherever I could land any, the frustration that had built up for months finally meeting its outlet. Save from shielding his face, George stood there and took it till I was done.

“Draco and I broke up over two months ago. He’s a good friend, he does help me get what I use, but he makes sure I’m safe and alive whenever I’m using” I finally broke the silence, and we sank to sit on the floor across from each other.

“I know, he told me last night. He was carrying you outside the common room, yelling at the fat lady to let him in to put you to bed. He told me you’d broken up and that you remained friends. He also said you were developing a problem and needed me back.”

“I don’t need Malfoy speaking for me, and having you around would actualise my supposed ‘problem’. Why am I in your clothes in your bed?”

“When I opened the door for Malfoy, you asked me to stay with you. You told me you just wanted one night of being us again, so I gave you clothes to change into, put you to bed in my room, and slept on the couch in the common room.”

I stood up to leave without acknowledging his response, relieved nothing else had happened. 

“I don’t know that it’ll change anything for you, but I’ve felt sorry for treating you the way I did for a really long time. I figured you’d finally found peace with the situation and avoided trying to resolve things for that reason. At least, that was the excuse I forced myself to believe. I didn’t realise I was really just afraid of confrontation and rejection. Not generally, just with you. You were right about Angelina, too, apparently, she’s been shacking up with Finch since Christmas,” He continued 

“None of that means anything to me. For as long as you got to decide to do whatever you wanted with my feelings, all I wanted was to get past this. This doesn’t mean anything to me after what you’ve done with the importance I trusted you enough to hold to you. I’m well within my right to decline your apology. And it isn’t even to spite you for your selfish decisions. You were right. I am truly happy without you. You don’t mean anything to me anymore.” I spoke with my back towards him and walked out and back to my dorm immediately after.

-

George had spent the last three weeks trying to earn back a spot in your life as the friend he once was to you. He’d done everything you hoped he would for the longest time, and it felt empowering to ignore his advances and put your pride first. But the more time you reluctantly spent with the old George, the harder it was to stop your previous feelings from resurfacing.

This particular morning, if you could even classify 4 am as the morning, George had snuck into your dorm with Harry’s cloak in hand. You only agreed to leave with him because he promised you a visit to Winky. After devouring an entire gooseberry pie between you, George suggested a walk by the lake. It was tempting, especially after seeing how he interacted with Winky, as normally as he does everyone else, without judgement. But you pushed yourself to decline and returned to the common room together.

You spotted professor Snape on your way up, seemingly aggravated by Peeves, omitting a chuckle from George as he watched Snape flail around, attempting to curse the ghost.

“Who’s there?” He sneered

I immediately lifted my hand to cover George’s mouth as we scooted closer together under the cloak. We kept our eyes locked as we tried to remain still. His eyes dipped to my lips at the same time he lifted my palm off of his. Tangling his left hand into my hair, he used his right to guide my waist back till we hit the wall and kept me in his hold, his lips moving closer to mine with every breath he took

“What’re you doing?” I asked softly enough for just the two of us to hear

He looked into my eyes as he finally connected his lips with mine, our eyes fluttering shut after the initial kiss as we melted into it. He teased my tongue with him as he hoisted me up to his level, wrapping my legs around his waist. The build-up of tension escaped us with every rough feverish kiss. His kisses moved to my neck as he began guiding my hips against his, perfectly lining me up against him. I could barely keep myself composed.

“It’s unfortunate, the 50-point deduction limit per student” My blood ran cold at the sound of Snape’s voice. George immediately dropped me to the ground, where I landed on Harry’s discarded cloak. George squeezed my hand in comfort, signalling he’d take care of things.

He took a breath and stepped toward Snape. “I drugged her, Sir; she’s completely innocent.”

“God, you’re an idiot”, I thumped him on the back of his head.

We sniggered, trailing a few steps behind Snape as we were escorted back to our dormitories, not too fussed about detention every week till the end of the term.

End

✩ I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE ANY OF MY WRITING POSTED ON ANY EXTERNAL WEBSITES ✩

[bronx-bomber87]

Merry Christmas Eve to all who celebrate it :) We’ve reached S5. Which is unreal. It shouldn’t be since I’ve been writing these for 7 plus months now and yet ha. I remember BUZZING for this ep. Then being in shock It actually happened. This entire season felt like a gift from the writers.

The long awaited reward for the slow burn. Although I enjoyed every moment of that slow burn. Was very happy to get to this place I will say. You thought Tim’s brain was broken last ep? It’s about to be obliterated haha Once again some long gifs I’ll make to get it all in. Might be the theme for this season LOL I fit everything in that I could this ep was wall to wall moments. Let’s get going.

5x01 Double Down

We start out on a glorious high. Lucy is dreaming about kissing Tim. Making out really. Not only that but she is grinning like crazy as she does. Sure she’s had dreams like this before about him. No doubt in my mind she’s had naughty dreams about this man. (and vice versa let’s be honest) But now she had something real to dream about. A tangible moment. Didn't take long for that to take root in her subconscious ha.

Also in this dream we get another lovely angle to that kiss. It's like we got two first kisses everyone. It's glorious. They sure started this season off with spoiling us right away. He looks like he’s about to eat her face in this dream version. This is why she’s smiling so much heh I love having both angles. Real and dream version.

I like how the dream version is little spicier. Like this is her dream version of that kiss. How he’s cupping her face in this one. She wanted him to devour her like that. She would’ve been happy to be his meal for the night. Also showing Lucy has it SOO bad for him. Forgetting she has a blah BF at the moment. Chris who? Unfortunately as it gets good a knock startles her awake.

It’s Tamara waking her up. Lucy is legit jarred from her dream. We watch her struggle to come back down to earth. Her messy hair and reaction are too funny. This one of my all time fav Tamara/Lucy moments. She has to give Lucy a hard time about the kiss. Wouldn’t be her if she didn’t. It’s too cute. Lucy goes into mom mode about school. Telling her about Rosalind’s trial shutting the city down. Her normal route will be closed.

Tamara mirroring her going into protective daughter mode. Asking her if she wants her to skip class? I love her always wanting to put Lucy first. She tells her no. She will be ok and no where near Rosalind anyways. She is bound to the station with Tim anyways. Waiting for their OP to jump off. Tamara asking if it’s for the UC thing from the other night? Lucy confirms this.

Tamara’s giving her crap about the kiss. Lucy being defensive saying didn’t mean anything. Oh yes nothing. You weren’t just dreaming about it or anything…Mmhm…Then she says her legendary line. ‘Make out. Stop crime. That totally tracks.' LOL I love her so much. Lucy tells her to go to school. Tamara replies in kind telling her to have fun at work. With her boss. Who she kissed…

We then switch to Tim talking to Angela about said kiss. Now let me say how giddy it makes me he came to Angela about it. Yes she’s his best friend but he didn’t used to be this open with her. She had to pull teeth in 2x11 even when he asked for her help. This is a far more open Tim Bradford than we’ve seen before. He starts this convo then goes into full denial. Babe, you started this and she has great Chenford radar. You weren’t going to fool her. Not in the slightest. I love how she doesn’t let up the entire convo. Smirking this entire time through out it as well.

Asking how much did they practice? LOL Tim telling her it was just a kiss. No big deal. Angela’s reply is epic. ‘Then why are we talking about it?’ Boom. Mic drop. She is iconic in this scene. Sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than anything else. Tim deflecting saying 'What if it wasn’t just a kiss for her?' Really asking 'Do you think she has feelings for me too?' Angela follows up asking if Lucy might have feelings for him? He looks so deflated when he says ‘No..’ Thinking no way Lucy could have feelings for him. Ugh break my heart Tim. When Angela gives me more logic it makes him said.

Telling him she probably saw the kiss as just as a weird work thing then. The defeated way he says ‘Right....’ Angela picks up on it immediately. Hence her next question to him. The way he says ‘No!' to her feelings question. He’s SO defensive. Not telling at all…Do you even believe yourself Timothy? His voice gets all high pitched. Just like Lucy does when she gets nervous about her feelings. He does his spiel about them both being in relationships. Being her boss. etc. Angela crushes it with some more solid logic. ‘All true. Not what I asked.’ God I love her. Also let’s note how deliciously tight Tim’s shirt is in this scene. Didn’t think I would let that slide by did you? Mmm.

We rejoin them in the interrogation room. Tim complaining how greasy his double is. How he hates it LOL Lucy comes in looking like a stunner. Notice Tim agreeing with Aaron’s assessment of how good she looks. She then mentions regretting the choice of thong idea LMAO I love her. Also you are going to be the death of him Lucy Chen haha What are you doing to this man? They received a call earlier and now waiting for a follow up to where to meet.

The phone goes off and Lucy gives the most ‘ in love’ look at him. She couldn’t adore that man standing in front of her more if she tried. Tim answers and Hajek tells them to meet his guys at an air strip. I love the silent communication between them. Always adore that about them. Lucy tries to get them more time saying they can’t just up and leave. How she looks requires lots of suitcases and precision.

Swing and miss sadly. Tells them to meet them there or end up in a coffin. Angela is scrambling because leaving the state is a whole other thing. Aaron saves them by letting them use his private jet for him and Angela to follow in. Lucy says they can follow the flight plan the pilot has to submit. Angela is relaxing a bit and decides to let them proceed. Aaron cracks me up asking about caviar selection such a goob. Says he'll just get an assortment. Ha I love him.

So begins them “pretending” to be a couple. When really it’s just them having no restrictions or boundaries on them. Getting to look, touch, flirt, and be free with one another. Under the guise of UC. It’s glorious really. I felt my brain stopped working multiple times in this episode the first time. Just like Tim. Lucy starts off STRONG explaining why they're late. Pulling Tim to her saying 'Their quickie wasn’t so quick.' Hot damn. (I can see this being a reason for them now a days too hehe)

They’re like magnets instantly drawn to each other. Gah I love it so much. I remember it being so hard to focus. Because they had their arms all wrapped around each other from the word go. The way they are all over each other in this hanger scene. It’s their normal banter but heightened. I’ll never be over her hand resting on his hip. His arms wrapped around her. The easy rhythm they quickly fall into. Almost like being a couple is the most natural thing in the world for them. I mean look at them. They are not struggling to sell this one bit.

The way they’re attached at the hip. Swaying together like they’re in their own world. Which what else is new with them? This is par for the course when they're together. They’re always in their own world when they banter. Only right now they’re allowed to touch and hold each other as much as they want to. And trust me they want to. It felt like I was dreaming as I watched this portion. Truly in a daze. I had to rewind and pay attention to the SL. More than once...

The smiles and the swaying gah they get me. They basically mirror the smiles and swaying from 5x12. Because they’re just as in love right now as they are 11 eps down the road. I love Lucy’s face when they get interrupted LOL It was the biggest scowl. Like excuse me you weren’t invited to this party.

I truly think they nailed this because it was their shot. They thought this was their only chance to be with each other without any restrictions. So they went for it as we can see. We all lapped it up like it was the last bit of water in the desert haha I’m giddy as he tells her to get on the damn plane. It's so cute. Lucy cannot keep her hands off him from the minute they start this. Tim is more than happy to oblige. Gah this is cloud 9 goodness.

The goodies continue on the plane as they head towards Vegas. I don’t know about you but first time I watched this portion I couldn’t focus. I was obsessed with her sitting on his lap basically. Leaning into him. Not only that but the start to Tim’s obsession we all love with her thighs. How he has his hand rests there naturally. Like his hand has found it's new home happily. Lastly their hands. I remember focusing so much on just their hands I missed dialogue. Had to rewind it to hear what was going on LOL

If you weren’t just as distracted by their hands and PDA you’re a lying liar who lies haha Or you don’t ship them. In that case why you reading this review right now? Ha I think they were both nervous about this being out of state. The hands weren’t necessary in the least. I think they were unconsciously grounding each other.

Finding comfort in each other’s touch. Also I think them being this way was incredibly natural for them. Just like everything else has been their entire relationship. Why the slow burn was so necessary. So when we got here it was basically a flawless crossover to this. Touching each other as much as possible and I love it.

Lucy cracks me up trying to get info on their job. Saying right now it's the world’s most boring bachelor party LOL Tim saying this is a job not a party. They finally tell them what their job is since they’re airborne. They ask them if they know who Roman Krupka is? They say nope. Apparently he imports Heroin to the Monarch cartel. Lucy mentions so the competition?

He continues on saying ‘Something like that.' That Roman is paranoid of computers. Doesn’t keep a written record anywhere. That the details of his operation exist in one place. One man called ‘The Brain .’ His name is Leonard Madris. Tim makes the comment isn’t is dangerous for one man to carry all that? They say yes and he’s usually kept under heavy guard. Never leaves the compound.

The reason they’re headed to Vegas is because of him. They’re received a solid tip he will be there this weekend. They find out their plan in this. They’re to take out the guards while he grabs Madris. Then they’re gonna torture the man for every detail. Then they’ll take over the business by doing so. Lucy is so cocky in her reply. I love it. Saying sounds like they should be getting paid more heh. Lyon tells them tough. So charming...

We rejoin them finding out Rosalind has escaped through Lyon. This is one of my fav moments of the episode. The way he immediately grabs her hand. Trying to ground her in this moment. Keeping her close to him so he can show her he’s there. Reassure her that she isn’t alone in hearing this. It’s just instinctual him doing this. Knowing this would be a massive trigger that would throw her off kilter. Trying to keep Lucy there with him. To stop her from losing focus and spiraling out.

Also the way Tim looks up at her. Checking in trying to get her to silently communicate with him. He needs to know she’s ok. Protective Tim is one of my favs. That immediate need to shield and protect her. Rosalind is a huge trauma trigger for her. He wants so badly to help her with this news. Look at how her hand is clutching his shoulder at first. He starts rubbing his thumb on her hand. Trying to get her to unclench. (Wasn't able to fit that one in but he does it.)

Tim being her calm in the raging storm she has going on right now. Her constant in this moment. Which is exactly what she needs. This man is so soft for her I’ll never be over it everyone. Tim isn’t able to get a read on her. She won’t look down at him. So he asks how long till they land? Lyon says 15 minutes. Tim tells them perfect. His cover being the mile high club. It’s his way of getting them a private moment. He needs to check in on her and he can’t do that with them around.

They head back and Lucy goes into full spiral mode. This is why he wanted to do this. She starts to be taken over by her fear and PTSD. Tim sees it taking over her. He tells her to stop in the softest way possible. Lucy takes a deep breath and little stomp but does. Telling her if she is not 100 percent in this it’s going to get her killed. Which ultimately will kill him in the process.

Lucy defends herself and says she’s got this. The news got to her at first but this is their one shot at Madris. That she is fine. I love him being protective and wanting to pull the plug just for her. The beautiful thing is he listens to her on this. Doesn’t bulldoze her and make a decision like he used to. He is trusting her in this moment. Letting her decide for herself ultimately. Which is such growth for him once again I can’t stand it.

He’s so ready to kill this OP if she’s not ok. I love that sfm. Letting her know that there is no shame if she does. He is there if she is ready to pull the ripcord. Tim is about to leave when she stops him. Tim looks so very confused once again. Lucy telling him it needs to look like they hooked up in here. Tim isn’t on the same page as her right now and it shows haha

Here comes that infamous airplane kiss. Has some similar aspects to their first kiss. Except way spicier this time around. Once again Lucy just pounces on Tim. He has to absorb the weight of her throwing her body at him. We watch him once again stumble into their kiss. Taken aback by her forcefulness. Her passion nearly knocking him off his feet. Tim isn't complaining once her lips collide with his though.

It doesn’t take long for him to adjust to it and go with this mini make out session of their's. He is adjusting much faster this time around. It’s all hands at first. His body absorbing the shock of her body slamming into his. Tim wrapping his arms around her anchoring her body to his. Lucy’s hands firmly planted on his face as she leads this kiss at first. Tim’s hands moving up her back fully enveloping her in his arms. Getting so very lost in her once again. Instantly melting into her.

I love how the kiss continues to get deeper. Sexier as well. Hot damn look at them above. Tim is the one chasing her lips as they continue this much spicier kiss. The way he’s leaning into her as they sway together. Two people in perfect tandem with each other. Not missing a beat. They were both so very thirsty in this moment. It’s all over this kiss. Tim running his hands up and down her back as he is savoring her. Lucy hands moving down his face not looking to part from him any time soon either. Tim isn't the only one getting easily lost in this.

Lucy’s hands sliding down his chest once again. This kiss getting deepened much faster this second time around. Their desire for one another is very evident. Tim can't keep his hands off her. Like I said for their kiss in 4x22. If they kept going his hands would end up on her face. He can’t keep them still and as she runs her hands down his chest. He pulls her closer to him not wanting to lose any contact with her. Eliminate any unnecessary space between them.

Her lips are quickly becoming a drug he is getting addicted to. He sure loves her upper lip. Captures it between his as he looks to further this impromptu kiss. *fans self* Look at him in that gif above. Wants her as close to him as possible. I just adore how softly he cups her face wanting to keep this kiss going. Totally forgetting about the mission and the men outside the door. All that matters right now is Lucy and her lips on his.

How Lucy has the self control to pull herself from him I don’t know. Gah it’s the grunt Tim does when she breaks off. *phew lord* That noise is doing things to me. Mmm. He was basically chasing her lips again when she broke off. Chasing that high of kissing her some more. He was very not ready for that to end. Also how glossy his lips look post kiss. She had her damn way with that man haha

He looks so dazed snd confused when she wipes his lips. Her hand shaking as she does this. I know we all joke about how “unnecessary” this kiss was. I think part of it was Lucy seeking comfort from Tim in this moment. The kiss quelling her Rosalind fueled anxiety. She needed to be connected with him for a moment before she could put it behind her or attempt to.

Tim was more than happy to oblige. Poor man has short circuited once again though. Eric once again the master of expressions comes through again. He doesn’t know how to restart. She’s like ok let’s do this and moves leaving Tim stand there in her wake. He is trying to figure out WTF just happened in the last 30 seconds.

We then get this pretty shot of them in the SUV. There is so much being said in the short time span of this shot too. We can see Lucy is still struggling with her PTSD. From the minute she heard the news Lucy has been scaling the walls emotionally. Almost like she’s back in that barrel. All her emotions threatening to drown her. Her lowering the window to get some air on her face. Cool her emotions down.

Looking at the bright lights trying to ground herself. To help her stay in character. Desperate not burn their UC covers. Tim looking over at her so much worry carried in eyes. She can feel his eyes on her and looks back at him. Their silent communication doing all the talking for them. She’s still in a panic but at least she has Tim with her. To keep her grounded and from spiraling out completely.

Tim giving the most space he’s given since this started. Not wanting to physically comfort her right now. Not because either of them want that space. It’s because he isn’t wanting to draw attention to her emotional distress. That would draw questions they can’t have right now. So they share a look and he doesn’t take his eyes off her. I love it so much.

Someone in the casino recognizes Jake. A girl. Which isn’t great. But does give us some protective Lucy which I always love. Finally getting to do that hair take down of her's. The one she threatened Stanton with back in 3x05. I love her taking charge of this moment. Getting this woman to back off. Don’t mess with Lucy Chen ya’ll lol They spot Angela and Aaron across the way after she lets this woman go. Figures this is the time to break off.

Lucy says she wants to gamble. See if they can get lucky three times in one day. Heh I love how he walks with her to them. Wish I could've fit the gif in. His hands on her shoulders from behind as they walk. Totally necessary to walk like this with her LOL I have a feeling this was possibly Eric being a goober steering her towards the table haha But either way I'm a happy girl with it. This was quite the married thing to do though regardless of why. I loved it. Also low key protecting her as they walk toward Angela and Aaron.

They update Angela on everything. Lucy’s first question is about Rosalind. Angela says she got a psycho lawyer to help break her out. We watch Lucy comprehend this. Saying 'Another Caleb....I knew it.' Then says Tamara needs protection. (No mention of Chris BTW) Her other fav human is with her. So no one else to protect from Rosalind. As they talk about this Lucy trying to keep her panic at bay but not doing the best job about it.

Angela picks up on it right away. Asking if Lucy is up for this? That she can pull out if she needs to. I adore Tim answering for her. Backing her and saying she’s solid. The look she gives Tim. My damn heart. He wasn’t gonna pull her till she told him to do so. Until then he supported and trusted her decision. The growth is astronomical in him. You see that written all over Lucy's face. It’s so damn good. You can tell she wanted to touch him as a thank you but stopped herself.

The minute they’re inside the room Lucy turns on the TV. Tim saves her from herself and turns it off. Saying they don’t know anything they don’t. Protective Tim is present through out this episode. Here for it. She is starting to spiral again and sits on the bed. She looks so tired and stressed out. Tim gives her a sweet compliment to cheer her up. He knows how down in the dumps she is about this. Wants to build her up in anyway he can. Saying how she's really good at UC. Just in awe of her once again.

The sweet smile he gives her when he says it too. Be more smitten Timothy I dare you. Lucy asks if he’s ok with her showering first? He says yeah. Then we see her break his brain once again. The door doesn’t close all the way and he gets a sneak peak of her naked back. He stumbles back to the bed trying not to look back at her. Replying 'Yeah... ok.. um fries.' LOL Lucy you have broken this man and I’m dying.

Eric once again crushes it with his facial expressions. Trying not to be turned on and needing a cold shower more than ever. What cracks me up is his sigh as he watches TV. Trying to drown out his dirty thoughts of her in the shower. She comes out saying the water pressure is epic. Wanting to steal the robes and asking if that's stealing? Tim says no it’ll just be charged to the room. She says ‘WE’ should take two then. There’s that married ‘We’ again.

You can tell Tim is antsy af to talk about their kisses. First off let me say how proud of I am of this man. This is the same man who couldn’t have a serious conversation with his current GF to save his life. He is the one to broach this topic with her. Once again making that first move. NEEDING to know if she’s feeling what he is very much feeling. Lucy is the one to bring this courage out in him. To want to talk about this.

He went far outside his comfort zone to get this convo started. Telling her it doesn’t feel like pretend to him. The look on his face as he says this. The hope in his eyes desperately trying to see if she is feeling their connection. Lucy panics and stutters in her reply. To me it’s not because she doesn’t feel the same. He has stunned her into silence. What she is worried about here is losing what they have.

To admit what’s going on between them means she now has something to risk. Something to lose if she does. Her person. The most important person in her life. Tim is far too important to her lose over them trying and possible failing. She is very aware it doesn’t feel like pretend. But isn’t willing to risk that. Ironically in a city like Vegas where one takes such risks. So she crushes Tim with her reply. Saying it’s an intimate act. It’s basic biology. You know a BS answer.

She is deflecting so she doesn’t have to risk losing him. Or confront this at all really. What she doesn’t know is the damage she just inflicted. Tim was already panicky from his convo with Angela about her not having feelings. He suddenly feels very alone in his desire for more. For feeling something. She’s basically rejected him in this moment. He is so sad with her reply.

He gives her one last chance with his ‘So you're saying it’s not a big deal? Doesn’t mean anything?’ She stumbles some more saying ‘Right?’ Wanting him to answer this question for her. She can’t possibly accept he wants her too. So she deflects once again. Tim put himself out there and she shut him down. Their convo is interrupted his cell phone. The looks she shoots his way break my heart. Knowing she’s hurt his feelings. When really she broke his heart a little.

It’s Angela with an update. He tells her he’s alone in the hotel with Lucy. Her ‘Uh oh’ always cracks me up. I love their friendship so very much. Her teasing is primo this season and it makes my heart happy. She is so shipping them and just wants her bestie to be happy. I love it. Telling him not to do anything she wouldn’t. He slams the phone shut and tosses it on bed. LOL

Lucy goes to dry her hair and there is a knock at the door. It’s the girl from earlier saying she knows he’s in there. Tim opens the door and gets hit in the face. They know he’s not Jake. Saying she told them he had a gut last time she saw him. That it was only 3 weeks ago. I mean that sucks for Sava. Means Jake was cheating on her long before 5x18.

He sends Wisco after Lucy and says he says not to kill her yet. Lucy is a BAMF and takes out most of the crew. This part is hilarious about her robe. I’m dying. 'Showed him the whole world just now.' Oh Lucy never change. Tim shakes his head so much I’m cackling. This is the woman you’ve chosen to love Timothy. So exasperated with he right now. I love how she stares down at him lovingly. But you know it’s just basic biology right Lucy?

I love love love him walking her up. That’s last bit of protectiveness being displayed. He doesn't want her to be alone. Tim saying he can’t wait to get out of these clothes. Lucy making a joke she isn’t going to miss that hairstyle. Then Tim is so cute and flirty says he kinda likes hers though. OMG he’s so damn cute. He is such a goner for her oh my word. Lucy’s smile not believing what she’s hearing. Gah this end portion was the death of me. Tim says I guess this is it as they approach her door. Saying they go back to being them tomorrow.

He almost seems sad about that fact. Lucy turning to him and sharing 'Right..everything that happened undercover they’ll leave behind'. No you won’t lol Then Tim does his dorky UC line and regrets it instantly. Scolds himself for that line. Basically saying why are you like this? LOL Cracks me up the way he shakes his head. Like why can't you be more smooth? Oh that's right because you're stupid in love with her and a nervous wreck about it. Funny pre-cursor to his 'Naked time.' line heh.

It’s then Lucy deciding to make a move here. All this talk about going back to being them stoking something inside her. Saying in a sense they’re still UC since they haven’t been debriefed. Tim not catching what she’s throwing down. Just replies 'I guess you’re right.' Lucy is eyeing him like she is ready to have him right then and there. Her ‘Mmhm.’. Trying to give him a hint as she flicks her eyes to the door. It’s then Tim starts to catch her drift. The look on his face when it hits him. Like he can't believe she feels the same way he does.

That there is something there. There is a whole lot of want and excitement in that man's eyes. Lucy has created a loophole of sorts. One where they’re still Jake and Sava. And what do Jake and Sava like to do? Have sex. Lots of hot sex. The amount of bedroom eyes Lucy is throwing at him is insane. The sultry inviting way she says ‘Do you want to come in?’ Tim falling back on his professional boundaries like he has for years. Tells her he shouldn’t…Not that he doesn’t want to. He SHOULDN’T. The song in this scene is solid too BTW. Whoever picks music for this show needs a raise.

Lucy nods and goes to open her front door. Tim looks longingly at her as she does. Lucy gives it one last go. Cranking it up on those sultry bedroom eyes of hers. Basically inviting Tim in to have his way with her. Gah Melissa killing it with the inviting stare. We watch Tim struggle outside her doorway. He has been fighting this instinct for YEARS. I’m sure whenever he had an impure thought he pushed it down. Shoved away any attraction to her. Pushed her away as well. Maintained the professional boundaries he set up years ago. (For the most part.)

Thing is he’s been slow receding those boundaries for years as well. Especially last season when that last bit of his wall collapsed. Slowly letting her into every aspect of his life. To the point that we are now here. Where Lucy is blatantly inviting him in for something very unprofessional. We see Tim have an internal battle with himself. Then basically says ‘F*ck it and comes in. His attraction and his draw to her winning out. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want this. Or hadn’t wanted it in the past before either.

Lucy asks him if he wants a drink? Can she make him one? Tim declining not wanting to waste any time in this precious loophole of theirs. Also didn’t need alcohol to have the courage to do this. He already pushed past that to even enter this apt. Not wanting to dull any senses or touch with alcohol. Wanting to be fully present with her. Lucy looks like was ready to jump his bones right then and there. The sexual tension is palpable. Their UST is off the charts with this entire scene but reaches critical levels once they’re inside.

Lucy understanding why he didn’t want that drink. Love her sweet but nervous smile as she goes to put her stuff down. It's then we see Chris there which ends up ruining everything LOL Just bleeding out on her couch. I love how Tim throws his head back when she see’s Chris is there. I’ll never forget that amount of hilarious memes Eric posted. People putting the funniest shit about him being there. I wish I could find them. They were SO funny. I’ll be honest as frustrated as I was in the moment I was glad they didn’t hook up. The UST was fantastic. Don’t get me wrong good god.

But it’s much better they got together the way they do this season. Way less mess and not worth the angst it would’ve caused for them to cheat on their SO’s. It’s the fact that they almost did that was so damn telling IMO. Phew well hot damn this was a beast to write. But I loved it. This premiere is fantastic from beginning to end. The amount of moments are unreal. Hell of a way to start out a season of non stop gifts. I haven’t watched S5 the number of times I’ve watched 1-4 so this will be fun. Excited to finish out this rewatch with you all as we count down to the S6 premiere. It’s 58 days btw...

~~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

This isn’t something I enjoyed so much as it rubbed me the wrong way. Nolan getting a Golden Ticket. Lucy has accomplished more, done successful UC ops before and after she graduated FTO and is currently going on another UC but sure Nolan who was disgraced and held back gets one. Sure sure…it does for being Juarez in who I love so there is positives.

Tim telling Nolan he needs backup career when picking his assignment. LMFAO I LOVE THIS MAN.

Thank you thank you to this incredible fandom that has embraced these reviews. You all are amazing and I love every single like, comment and reblog I get. ❤️ shall see you all in 5x02 :)

[satansapostle6]

X

Josh Futturman has always had a crush on his beautiful coworker, the sharp, sexy scientist he thought he could only dream of talking to.

Warnings: Mature themes/language. Sexual content.

Part One

Part Two: Sensory Processing

Josh Futturman was actually excited to go to work. This rarely happened, but the prospect of Brynne Johansson made it happen. All day, he had done all of his work as a janitor and Kronish Labs as quickly as possible, hoping to see her by the time he got to her office.

Of course, his closest work friend, Ray, had noticed this upon seeing Josh pass Brynne Johansson’s office as slowly as possible.

“Aw, come on! Not you, too!” Ray exclaimed.

“What?!” Josh said defensively.

“Man… I’ve been trying to woo Dr. Scarlett Johansson with my security guard charm fiancé I started here! I swear, I’ve seen half of the other security guards pretend to hear about ‘situations’ near her office,” he frowned.

“I’m not spying on her!” he promised, going about his work. “And she does kinda resemble Scarlett Johansson…”

Ray just shook his head, leaving him to whatever he was doing. Josh quickly took care of cleaning the floors, anxious to peer into Brynne Johansson’a office. Luckily, she appeared to be in at the moment, peacefully filling out paperwork as she listened to music on her headphones.

Josh remembered the first time he ever came near her office, surprised to see that she was a music person.

“Hey,” Josh spoke up nervously.

Brynne took off her headphones as she looked up, surprised to see him. “Hi,” she said.

“What are you listening to?” he asked her out of curiosity.

“Depeche Mode,” she replied, before her one-track mind kicked in, “What’s going on, did something happen in the lab?” she asked automatically.

“What? Oh. No,” he responded quickly, “Sorry. I just… had something to give you,” he said sheepishly.

The young woman looked up curiously, not understanding.

“I, uh… Got stuff for a couple people around the office. Christmas, you know?” he asked awkwardly.

“Oh. That’s thoughtful of you,” she replied.

“Yeah, it’s just small stuff, you know? I got Ray a gift card for that sandwich place he likes, and I got Kronish one of those candles he likes. Mostly because Dr. Camillo hates that he burns them in the office,” he admitted.

Brynne smiled. “I got him one too.”

“Really?” Josh laughed as she just nodded.

He nervously reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box of chocolates, with a small note attached.

“Anyways. Kronish said you liked these, so I thought I’d wish you an early… whatever you may or may not celebrate,” he concluded.

“Oh, wow. Thank you,” Brynne said kindly. “I appreciate it, a lot. And as for celebrating, you could say Christmas, but I honestly don’t really celebrate apart from doing stuff for other people,” she confessed.

Josh nodded understandingly.

“But thank you, wow, this is perfect,” she told him, opening the note in front of him.

Josh watched her in fear, hoping she wouldn’t think he was weird and hate him.

“‘To Dr. Johansson. Thanks for letting me take out your Redbull cans and chicken Caesar salads. From, Josh’,” she read in amusement. “Wow, my garbage sounds sad.”

“Personally, I think it’s pretty cool garbage,” Josh joked.

“Well. Thanks, Josh,” she remarked. “You can just call me ‘Brynne’, by the way.”

“Right. Brynne. Sorry,” he nodded quickly.

“Thanks again, for the chocolates,” she said softly. “That’ll probably be my lunch.”

Josh stopped for a moment, remembering what Kronish had told him the day before.

“It—It doesn’t have to be!” he offered without thinking.

“Hmm?” she questioned.

“Uh… I was actually just about to head to that Indian place across the street for my break… if you’d rather do that,” he stumbled over his words, praying she wouldn’t think he was creepy.

“Oh. Yeah, that sounds fucking great, actually,” she nodded, looking down at her designer watch. “Ten on the dot. Let’s do it,” she nodded.

“Great,” Josh blurted out, holding in his screams of excitement.

He was shocked she actually said yes, following her as she walked out of the office.

“I haven’t actually gone out for lunch in months,” Brynne sighed as she took off her lab coat.

As the two of them left the building, Josh felt as if his going to lunch with the Dr. Johansson should’ve been illegal. He saw Ray’s suspicious glance at him as they left together. Josh walked out of the building feeling like he had just committed some sort of heist.

“Have you ever been here?” Josh Futturman asked her as they reached the restaurant.

“Yeah, it’s kind of my go-to whenever I leave the office for lunch,” she explained. “Have you?”

“No,” Josh said truthfully, “I’ve actually just been meaning to try it out.”

They entered the restaurant, a couple of the men in the room naturally turning to look at Brynne. Josh felt incredibly out of place, standing next to her in his janitor’s uniform. He silently cursed her perfectly fitted black dress.

“What do you want?” Brynne asked as they approached the cashier.

“What should I get?” he asked her, never actually having had Indian food before.

“Most people tend to get the butter chicken,” she explained, “With the garlic naan.”

“Sounds great,” Josh nodded, turning to the guy at the counter. “I’ll have the butter chicken with the garlic naan. What about you?” he asked her.

“I’m getting the same,” she responded.

“Two of the butter chicken with garlic naan, then, please,” Josh said as he handed over his card.

“Are you sure?” Brynne asked him, surprised.

“Yeah,” he said kindly, “You want anything to drink?”

“Uh, just a Coke,” she told the cashier, “Thanks.”

“Two Cokes, please,” Josh smiled as the guy took his card.

“Thank you,” Brynne said, pleasantly surprised.

“No problem. My treat,” he said nonchalantly, “You haven’t eaten out of the office in a while.”

“True,” she nodded as they sat down at a table with their drinks. “So,” she began, making him nervous.

He panicked, and couldn’t stop staring into her pretty brown eyes. Josh couldn’t think around Brynne Johansson, mostly because being around her heightened and engaged his senses entirely. The perfection of her face, and the beauty of her body, and the distinct smell of her perfume captivated him.

She was like no woman he’d ever met before. She commanded respect from people in a way that explained why she was the head of her department. Something about Brynne made the hair on Josh’s arms stand up, and something told him it really had nothing to with her job title.

And many other male employees at Kronish Labs, including Ray, would’ve said she also made something else stand up.

“What do you do in your free time, Futturman?” Brynne asked as she sipped on her soda.

Josh had no idea how to answer that question. He had no real hobbies; all he really did was wake up, go to work, play video games, and then sleep to do the exact same thing all over again.

“Uh… I don’t know, I like playing video games,” he shrugged nonchalantly, hoping he wasn’t coming off as too pathetic.

“Oh, that’s cool. I wish I could’ve gotten into that sort of thing,” she admitted. “I don’t really do much outside of work.”

“At least you’re a scientist,” Josh provided kindly, “That’s pretty impressive.”

“In a way,” Brynne shrugged nonchalantly.

“What’s that like, in the dating world?” Josh wondered, although simultaneously trying to seduce for himself whether or not she was in a relationship. “I’m sure that’s definitely a talking point.”

“You’d think so, but saying that you work for an STD treatment center isn’t exactly as sexy as you think,” she pointed out.

“Hmm,” Josh nodded, frowning as he realized he wasn’t exactly being flattering.

He figured at least he knew she was probably single. He watched as she thanked the servers for placing their food on the table in front of them. Josh realized that no matter what she did, no matter how simple or mundane it was, Brynne always looked beautiful doing it.

It was something about the way her lips moved when she smiled, and the way her eyes moved in her head. Josh couldn’t quite explain it, but he was taken with her.

“What do you do outside of work?” he asked curiously. “I mean… I know you probably don’t, like, rescue pandas, or anything, but… I don’t know, do you have any interests?” he rephrased.

“Mmm…” she considered the question, her face appealing to look at even as she thought. “I used to do photography,” she told him.

“Oh, that’s so cool,” Josh commented in surprise. “What did you take pictures of?” he asked as he ate.

The food was spicier than he’d expected, but he held in his reactions as best as he could so as not to seem like a child in front of Brynne.

“I picked up photography from my uncle,” she explained. “He was a big car guy; belonged to a car club and everything. I mostly did cars, and motorcycles.”

“That’s awesome,” Josh said in awe, not expecting that from her.

He knew he should’ve realized she was a huge car person. He’d seen her get out of her car in the building’s parking lot before. It was a beautiful classic car, some kind of black Impala or something from the 60’s. It was in perfect condition, and always seemed to shine, not unlike its driver.

“I wish I got into cars,” he confessed. “As a guy, I kinda feel like that’s something I’m supposed to know about.”

“It’s never too late,” Brynne pointed out. “It’s good to know about cars.”

“Your car, it’s that black one I always see in the parking lot, right?” he asked. “The classic car?”

“Yup,” she nodded.

“It’s nice,” he complimented her, “Really nice. What is it?”

“It’s a ‘66 Impala,” she responded. “It was my dad’s.”

“Cool,” he remarked.

He didn’t mean to, but he watched her as she ate. He’d been talking to her for at least ten minutes now, but he still couldn’t get over her; he couldn’t get over the fact that he was actually having a conversation with Dr. Johansson, let alone having an early lunch with her.

Then, she said the worst thing possible.

“Are you staring at me, Futturman?”

Josh froze in disbelief. “I— Uh…”

“It’s okay,” she said coolly, her eyes dark with mischief. “I don’t mind.”

Josh felt himself falling apart as he struggled to explain himself. But ultimately, he realized he couldn’t.

“You make me nervous,” he smiled awkwardly, embarrassed at himself.

“How do you think I became the head of my department at twenty-four?” she raised an eyebrow playfully.

Josh watched her as she just continued on as if everything was perfectly normal, realizing she hardly considered the effect she had.

-

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

[modern-day-bard]

Other Duties As Assigned: A Joel Miller AU Fanfiction

Content Warning: 18+ Minors, do not interact. This story includes mature themes such as drinking, stalking, violence, and explicit smut.

a/n: Hello! Thank you to anyone who has made it this far 💖 I had planned to upload two chapters each time I update the story, but life is getting away from me currently, and I want to make sure I spend enough time editing each chapter before it's posted. Depending on how crazy things get, I might have to start uploading them on separate days. The chapters are always uploaded on ao3 first (it takes less time), and I will get them over here as soon as possible. Thank you again for reading!

Chapter 9: Dodge

Word count: 2.5k

Gwen

I glance at the door to the studio for the third time in under a minute. What possessed me to agree to combat training? Self-defense, Joel had called it. But honestly, unless I’m plucked out of New York and placed on a battlefield, I’m struggling to see when I would need to use the steps Joel is walking me through right now.

“When I said we could do this in the morning, I didn’t think I’d be watching you attack fake opponents at eight a.m.”

Joel stops mid-slowmo punch. “I let you sleep in.”

“Oh, you let me? Thanks, gracious drill sergeant.”

For a moment, I think he smirks, but it vanishes as quickly as it arrived. Dystopian Warzone Training is far too important to waste time on humor.

“Did you absorb everything I just said?”

“Sure.” I don’t even try to make it sound convincing.

I wasn’t lying about what I said last night. The last time I did anything remotely similar to self-defense, I cried until I became such a disturbance to the other students that my mom carried me out. I’m not sure how much of your personality is fully formed at seven-years-old, but this part certainly stuck. Something about the fighting, even if it was rehearsed, really stresses me out. And the majority of what Joel has done so far is just talk while miming a few moves. Talking about what to do if someone approaches me from behind just makes me want to bolt. My mom and I got ice cream when we left, and I keep wanting to leave and do the same thing now, twenty years later. Or maybe I’d start with a croissant instead.

“Miss Russell?” Joel lifts a brow, and I realize that I was off in dream-land.

“What?”

“I was asking what’s one thing you remember from what I’ve told you?”

“Um…trust your instincts…element of surprise…and remember to SING.”

Joel’s brow furrows together. “I never said anything about singing.”

“No, the acronym. Solar plexus, instep, nose, groin.” I put my hands on my hips, hoping he’ll move on.

“You got that from a movie.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. It’s a good movie, but I didn’t say it.”

“Ah, he watches movies. Romcoms, even. Maybe you’re more human than I thought.”

“How am I not—you know what, no. Miss Russell, let’s run through the basics again, okay?”

I give him a non-committal nod. “Fine.”

“Trusting your instincts and using the element of surprise are correct. Just keep in mind your attacker might use those two things on you as well. Someone of your status is likely to be surprised because whoever would be near you would most likely be in an area that you already deem to be safe.”

Geez. Thanks, Joel. Now my palms are sweaty.

“I can teach you how to punch, as I demonstrated before, but maybe we should start with something else. There are maneuvers that catch people a little more off-guard. A punch is effective when administered correctly, but it’s easy to see coming. Plus, someone of your stature–”

“My stature?”

Joel holds up his palms like a white flag. “What I mean is, imagine the person approaching you is my size. It’s a lot for you to defend against. Simply using brute force to take me down won’t be possible. You’ll need to be quick and effective in your attacks.”

Unfortunately, he’s right. I’ve been trying not to look at Joel because I can’t do so without thinking of my friends’ stupid reactions to him the other night. It’s these gym clothes of his. They’re made to mold to men in a way that makes them irritatingly attractive. It’s not the fact that it’s Joel, it can’t be. It’s just a good looking guy being knowledgeable while wearing another dark compression top. It looks…slutty on him. I never understood when people got crushes on their professors, but if they were teaching me something physical…well, anyway, now I get it. Regardless, he’s almost a foot taller than me, and true to bodyguard form, he is built like a method of protection. Sculpted to shield.

Distractingly attractive, and with the combination of how legitimately nervous I am thinking of potential attackers…my system can’t seem to figure out if I’m supposed to be scared or turned on. The thought of that alone sends a pulse of panic down my arms. This man is a nuisance, regardless of how enticing the packaging might be.

“Hitting with an open hand,” Joel flexes his palm, “Reduces the risk of injury. And you can easily attack from a non-confrontational stance, like the one I have now.”

I look at the beast across from me, standing wide-legged, palms up in front of him. “You don’t look non-confrontational.”

“Well, that’s because I’m with you.”

I huff out one, short laugh. “Was that a joke?”

“No,” His tone betrays him. It was totally an attempt at a joke. “Palms up.”

I roll my eyes, mirroring his stance.

“Excellent. From here you can do a heel-palm strike,” Joel slowly brings his hand toward my nose, and I resist pulling away, “An eye strike,” he brings his other hand toward me with his fingers outstretched, “Or a knee strike.” He places his hands on my shoulders, and I jump.

“I’m sorry.” He pulls back immediately.

“It’s fine. I was just expecting your knee. That’s all.”

“I should have warned you that it’s common to use your opponent as leverage to make a strike like that. Why don’t you try those three on me?”

He stands perfectly still.

I toss my braid behind my back, squaring my shoulders, feeling like an idiot. But to give him credit, Joel’s expression is earnest and patient. I feel mean, bringing my heel up to his nose, but I do it anyway.

“Good,” he says, moving out of the way to avoid my mediocre attack. “Now, eye strike.”

I move a little faster this time, and again he moves out of the way, nodding.

Finally, I bring my hands up his shoulders, embarrassed that I have to go on my tippy toes to reach them.

“So, that might not help you with your leverage,” Joel grabs my hands, startling me just a little. He slows his movements, noticing my surprise. “Try putting them here instead,” He places my palms on his chest, and I can feel his steady heart underneath the wall of muscle. “It’s okay to push back a little while you bring your knee up, just keep the majority of the weight on your back leg so you don’t lose your balance.”

He gives me an encouraging nod, and I bring my knee up sharply.

“Hey,” He pulls back, “Close one.” I swear there is a hint of a proud smile on his face now, but it could be from embarrassment. He moves on quickly. “If you’re able, you can also use my arms as leverage,” He moves my hands, much slower this time, to wrap around his forearms. I shift my weight again, trying to ignore how his arms feel against my hands, how strong…

I hike my knee up as fast as I can.

Joel barely gets out of the way in time.

“I’m going to chock that up to you practicing the element of surprise, instead of a very literal attempt to hurt me. Well done.”

“Sorry,” I shake my head, stepping back.

“Let’s move on,” he says, rubbing one set of knuckles with the other hand. “Those are effective if your attacker is coming at you from the front. If they’re trying to surprise you, they may come at you from behind.”

Suddenly I’m thinking of my bed. If I’m facing the windows, my back is toward the door. Some masked figure could creep in at night, and attack before I would even see them. Or if I’m at dinner, and suddenly there’s something threatening pressed against my back, telling me to get up and walk out with them.

A small part of me remembers this from childhood. Some vague memory about the discussion of fighting, or attacking, or opponents, and it makes my heart rate quicken just as it did back then. At least at the time it was acceptable to just sit down on the mat and cry. I can’t remember the last time I cried in front of anyone. And I could never cry in front of Miller. Especially now that I’m irritated with him for…for…I don’t know.

“I’m going to demonstrate coming up behind you, and I’ll show you how to escape. Okay?”

“Okay,” My voice sounds clipped and hollow.

Joel moves to stand behind me and I feel all the muscles in my back tense up. I take a deep breath, trying to loosen up.

It’s just training, Gwen. You’re fine.

“You ready?”

I just nod.

Thankfully, because of the mat, I can hear Joel move the couple of steps it takes to reach me. His warm hands move slowly to cross in front of me, caging me in. This time, it doesn’t startle me. In fact, his warmth is oddly…comforting. Maybe it’s just the fact that I can’t see his distracting face with his too-sincere-eyes. That, and the fact that we’re not currently talking about all these potential threats I’m now facing. Though I suppose the threat has always been here, I just didn’t realize that anyone had taken action toward making good on that threat.

“In this position, you can’t use your arms to defend yourself.” Joel wraps his arms a little tighter around me. His words tickle my ear, and I feel a shiver run down my spine. A sensation I desperately hope goes unnoticed.

“You can headbutt your opponent, though with your height, it might be difficult. I would recommend that you drive your fist into your attacker's groin. But we’ll practice how to hit on a punching bag later.”

I nod again, actually keyed into what he’s saying now.

He releases me, but keeps his hands on my shoulders, indicating not to turn around yet. “The next one I’m going to show you is the chokehold. I won’t apply pressure, I just want to show you how to go through the motions. Is that okay?”

“Mhm,” I wonder if the small circles his thumb is drawing on my right shoulder are on purpose, or just subconscious. I wish I could close my eyes and focus only on how good it feels. In the split second as my eyes flutter shut, I’m overwhelmed by how good he smells. I’m not even sure if he showered this morning. Can a man smell that good naturally?

“Okay so anyone experienced will have one hand on your head,” He places his palm on the top of my hair, “And the other arm will wrap around you here,” He moves his right arm so that my neck rests in the crook of it. As Joel settles in, his wrapped around hand resting on my opposite shoulder, I feel like I should be doing something. Not fighting him off but… turning toward him. Or reaching behind me, grabbing his waist, pulling him closer.

“From here,” his gruff voice sounds even huskier in this stance, “You need to put space between us, so wrap your hands around my arm near your neck and pull. You’ll need less space than you think to get air through.”

I place one hand on his bicep, and one on his forearm, and pull. I don’t want to be noticing the heaviness in my chest, struggling to rise and fall with his arm resting at the top. Or how my breath catches, though he hasn’t applied any pressure, just as he said. All I know is that I’m not thinking of someone breaking into my bedroom anymore. But I’m not picturing myself alone in there, either.

“I’ll tighten just a little so you can use your weight to get away. I promise you’ll still be able to breathe. Alright?”

“Okay,” I sound short-winded, and I’ve barely even moved.

It wasn’t Joel tightening his grip on me that did it, or the feel of his arms, or the gentle way his hand rests on my head despite our position. It was this damn, low, almost inaudible grunt he let out when he pulled me closer. My back being pressed against him by his force alone, the peace it brought me where moments before a spiral had been taking over. I feel myself start to arch my back—

“No,” I say, tapping his arm rapidly with my hand. He releases me instantly, taking several steps back as I whip around to face him, even though I don’t dare look at him directly.

“I’m sorry, Miss Russell. Was it too much?” His voice is apologetic, riddled with concern.

It actually wasn’t enough.

“We don’t have to do the demonstrations if—”

“I’m hungry.” I blurt out.

Joel pauses. “If I made you uncomfortable—”

“Please, I’m not uncomfortable. I forgot to eat.” I laugh a little, hoping he’ll buy it. “I’m gonna go—” I was going to say I’m going to get bagels, but he would be required to come with me. And I need to keep him and his stupid, chiseled chest as far away from me as possible. “I’m gonna go shower.”

“Don’t you need to eat?” He doesn’t look like he’s trying to tease me, even though I know he can tell I’m lying. His big brown eyes are still full of worry.

“Yeah I’ll grab a granola bar or something,” I say as I stride toward the door of the studio, yanking it open. I don’t check to see if he follows me, and even though I assume he will, I make it all the way back on to the elevator and into my foyer without hearing his footsteps. Once inside, I lightly slap my face.

“What are you thinking, Gwen. You can’t stand him.” I whisper, shuddering on my way to the bathroom.

But I know what I was thinking. I was thinking of those concerned eyes, and that natural, musky smell. And how I found myself wishing that Ryan-Brian the other night had hair like Joel’s so I could pull the ends of his waves as we kissed. I was thinking about those broad, broad shoulders. And how, despite other people in my life who claimed to care about my well-being, he had been the only one to tell me the truth about the break-in.

You don’t know his motivations. You don’t know why he’s really here.

The cynic is clawing at the hormonal part of my brain, imploring me to stick to the plan. Get him out of here.

But as that thought floats through my mind, it’s not determination that latches on to it, but fear.

I don’t want him to leave.

Rationally, it must be because of any legitimate threat that could come my way. It’s not because it’s him. I’m just unsatisfied right now. And I know just who to call to remedy that situation and refocus.

So, before I can hear Joel walk through the elevator doors, I turn on the water, and proceed to take the coldest shower I’ve ever had.

Next Chapter

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Masterlist

[hellsingmongrel]

Man, so I'm not normally the biggest fan of Modern AUs, nor am I overly fond of fiction focused on kids, but...last night, my sleeping brain decided to concoct this Trigun (Stampede-flavored) Modern AU that now is living rent free in my damn brain! I want to get it out of my head and into the ether. I don't know if I'm going to do anything long-form with it, and I'm having to translate dream weirdness into more coherent storytelling, but here we go.

So it's modern day Earth, like 2024 or some shit, right? And that's when this version of Earth had just begun fucking around with Plant cloning. It's early enough that the SEEDS project hasn't even left the planet, the scientists haven't yet figured out how to put Plants in bulbs and use them for fuel, none of that! But they've already had Tessla happen, and the boys have already been born. Since they're not in space, even though they had to have found out about their sister, Nai hasn't had a chance to literally nuke humanity from orbit, and I guess Rem has had a chance to try and curtail some of his trauma, so he's...more stable? Ish? Stable enough where he's not actively trying to murder everyone. And the boys are "older," like we see in the flashbacks for the time Vash encountered Nai during the Last Run, so probably around 6 years old but looking 16 or so.

Rem has managed to fudge their paperwork so they've started going to school with human kids, to try and give them a normal childhood. Nai isn't as eager to play ball with the whole "being human" thing as much as Vash is, but Vash has got so many friends, Meryl and Milly and Lina are there and they're like the cutest, most stupidly adorable group of friends, just a bunch of little goofballs, like kids that age are. And the school has a field trip to a theme park (it was Disneyworld in my dream because my school actually did this, but ours was a band trip) and Vash manages to convince Rem to let him go. Vash and Nai and Rem are still paranoid about humans figuring out who they are, so you know, he's told to be extra careful and take care of himself, and Nai gives him one of his blades or something for self defense, just in case something happens. Even though Vash would never, that boy has trauma around knives and trying to defend himself, if you've read Trimax, iykyk. But he takes it anyway, and somehow, he manages to sneak it into the park. Maybe the metal doesn't register on metal detectors or something, who knows.

But he's a kid, and kids are dumb. Especially when they're 16. Especially if those 16 year olds aren't actually 16 and don't have the actual lived experience to know better. So he starts playing with the knife in front of the girls, showing off and just being a silly little guy. And then the knife slips. Bad. We're talking "this is how he probably lost his arm in this AU" bad. Blood everywhere, the girls are panicking and take him to the school chaperones and it's like "HOLY SHIT WTF DUDE, We're taking you to the ER, someone call his mom!"

And he hears that, pictures the doctors finding out he's not human, remembers what happened to Tessla, and panics. Boy does a runner like only Vash can do, and he manages to get away from them, out of the park, and escapes from security. And when parents get involved in trying to find him, the authorities start looking into the incident, and someone in the government overseeing the Plant research is able to recognize the elemental make up of the blade he dropped, and they start having suspicions. So the feds get involved, and it just goes from bad to worse, right?

Meanwhile, loopy from blood loss and panicking and a little sobbing mess because he feels dumb about slipping up and he's afraid he'll never get to go home to his mom and his brother again and is spiraling the way kids do when they panic, he gets lost in the city and ends up stumbling over teenage Wolfwood, who lives on the streets and has a few street kids that he looks after on his own with Livio. They never got to live at the orphanage, but that also means that the Eye (in whatever form it takes in this AU) never got ahold of them, so yeah, shits fucked for them, but it's actually a whole lot better for them than it might have been. And it's Wolfwood without all of the EoM trauma, so you can just imagine what he does when this delirious, bloody, terrified, severely injured kid runs him over in the street, sobbing about being caught by the adults and taken away.

Big Brother Nico do what Big Brother Nico do.

At that point, I ended up waking up, but damn if my brain didn't give me enough details to come up with a dumb AU idea that I kind of love and want to do something with, but I don't know if I have the time or spoons to do so.

Ideas I'd had following this beginning to flesh itself out in my head; Luida and Brad are Plant researchers brought onto the project to help the feds figure out wtf is going on with this whole situation, and when Luida is told to talk to Rem, because she's not giving them anything they can use, the two of them reach a secret accord to bring Vash home safe and sound and cover everything back up nice and squeaky clean the way it should have stayed.

Vash's arm is bad enough that he can't really heal it very well on his own without medical care, Plant healing or no. He's doing better than most kids would, but it still begins to go septic, and it forces Nico and Livio to make the really hard decision to find adults they can trust to bring him to so he can get the care he needs. He still ends up losing his arm, though.

At the end of everything, Melanie ends up taking Nico and Livio and the other kids in, so they still get to have their momma figure, even if she comes in later. Maybe she's the one that they find to help them. Is she maybe someone they've known was mostly safe but was never able to get them to stick around long enough to take care of them? Either way, the boys get Vash to her, and it starts the process of getting him home and the kids finally staying at the orphanage.

Meryl, Milly, and Lina all end up sneaking away when they realize that Vash is in more trouble than the adults are letting on, trying to go find him, since they know him better than anyone other than Rem and Nai. Eventually, they meet up with Nico and Livio while everyone is trying to avoid federal agents.

Obviously it's lovey-dovey Vashwood and Insurance Girlfriends and Polygun-flavored, but in the "these kids are too oblivious to think about sexy things, yet" sort of way, because I really do headcanon that at least Vash is ace, Wolfwood is probably demi, and also I am not writing children getting intimate like that. >8/ But kids having little crushes on each other is adorable and I can't not have Vashwood and Insurance Girlfriends be the eventual outcome, once those idiots all grow up and get their heads screwed on straight.

Also, because Nai hasn't had a chance to murder everyone, Rem's managed to work with him enough that he's very slowly overcoming his trauma and regaining his ability to trust that he's not in permanent danger. He'll probably grow up to be a Plants Rights activist or something, lbh. Or a politician. But he's not going to murder people, so either way, it's a win/win!

Because Nico's been living on the streets with him, Razlo either hasn't had to manifest as strongly for Livio, or hasn't manifested at all. Livio is still the sweet, shy, crybaby teddy bear we see, and maybe Razlo only comes out when the feds start getting closer and almost managing to grab the kids, and because he's been able to bond with Nico and the other kids so well this time, Livio is close enough to them that the thought of them getting hurt or taken away is enough to make him want to protect their little group instead of just Livio.

Wolfwood absolutely grumbles about how alike Vash and Livio are. Both a couple'a crybabies, geez, what the Hell you two??? But he also is very much a teddy bear who gives the best hugs when one of his little band of gremlins is upset, so he probably spends more time in a cuddle pile than anything else, now that there's two of them to lose their shit at the drop of a hat.

Vash was totally the one very sweet boy in a clique of girls that everyone who'd known him realized, when they were adults looking back, that he was very much the sweet gay kid hanging out with the girls because it was safer to be himself around them than it was to be around the other boys. (This isn't meant as a stereotype of gay kids, this is based on actual kids I grew up with. My friend group honest to God adopted them because we were all a bunch of momma bears.)

Vash is also...not trans? Because he's a Plant and Plants don't work the same way humans do, but he's also not what humans would think of as a cis boy. He expresses a masc presentation, but probably the closest equivalent would be an intersexed kid. Nai, too, tbh, though he's probably more of the "I don't give a fuck" opinion when it comes to his own gender identity. He uses he/him because that's what humans think when they see him, but he doesn't care any deeper than that.

[cevansbrat0007]

Cool for the Summer

Summary: What you have with Andy is so much more than just a run-of-the-mill summer fling. And you won't let it be damaged by little things like flies, or a casual dash of outdated ignorance. Andy Barber x Black Reader

Warnings: Light Sexual Themes, Fluff, Cuteness, Light Angst, Protective Andy, Discussions of Race, Racial Ignorance, Racism, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: This one might be a little tough for some, so please heed the warnings. Part of my ongoing Growing Pains Series. Likes, comments, and reblogs appreciated. All mistakes are my own.

___

“Here we go!” You chirp as you weave your way through several already occupied park tables. “There’s the perfect spot just down there, honey. You see it?”

“Uh, yep. Lead the way, baby girl.” Comes the soft rumble of your man’s voice from behind.

“You sure you don’t need help?” The man had insisted on carrying everything himself. “At least let me hold the drinks or something.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

Stubborn man. Of course he wouldn’t. You go to adjust the strap of your white, floral sundress as you make your way over to the table.

“Does my bow still look okay?” You ask, trying to feel whether or not the damn thing was still hanging evenly. You’d already asked him to readjust it twice for you. Not that he had minded, since Andrew Barber was committed to using every excuse in the book to get and keep his hands on you.

“Mmhm.” He replies without missing a beat.

“I can feel you looking at my butt, Big Man.”

“Yep.” He grunts, barely avoiding an accidental collision with another random park goer as he gets lost in the mesmerizing sway of your ass.

“You’re hopeless.” You grumble, not bothering to hide your smile even as you feel your cheeks heat.

“Only when it comes to you.”  

Likewise, handsome.

___

Only when you reach the spot you picked out does Andy finally allow you to help him. Together, you work to get everything settled before taking your seats. He then begins pulling items out of the big, white paper bag.

You stare down at your food as you unwrap it, suspicion clearly written all over your face. After all, just because it looked yummy didn’t mean the damn thing would actually taste good. 

“I can’t believe you’ve lived in Boston all this time without ever actually trying a lobster roll.” Your boyfriend remarks as he removes the wrapper from his lunch, which just so happens to be the same as your own.

“Hush.” You mumble, shooting him a playful glare. Holding the roll up to the light you take a moment to examine the famed New England cuisine. “I already told you. I’ve just got this thing about…mayo.”  

“But you like eggs, don’t you?” Andy leans back, casually lacing his fingers through yours. 

“Of course I do! Or did you forget that I made us eggs Benedict this morning?” You hear him chuckle when you pick up a chunk of lobster with your free hand. But what he doesn’t know is that you’re trying your damnedest not to bring it to your nose and sniff it.

Because that would be rude. Especially since you weren’t alone. Or at home. 

“Oh, I remember, baby girl. I remember you complaining about having to reheat everything after you jumped me in the kitchen.” He shrugs, his beautiful blue eyes dancing with mischief. 

“You are such a freaking liar!” You exclaim, momentarily forgetting to keep your voice down. “You were the one who attacked me while I was trying to whisk together the hollandaise and –”

“I mean, that’s not how I remember it. But in my defense, little love, have you ever seen the way your hips move when you whisk?” He presses a kiss to your joined hands. “Especially when you’re wearing just my shirt and nothing else? Shit should be illegal.” Another kiss, this time with an added nip of teeth.

“Whatever. I told you it wouldn’t reheat well.” You point an accusing finger at him. “You didn’t believe me. And to top it off, now you’ve got me trying this…thing. ” You screw your face up at him, trying to ignore the fact that he finds you amusing.

“Aw, Y/N.” Andy coos. “You’re so cute when you crinkle your little nose like that. Look, if you don’t like the roll, I’ll go back and get you something else. I promise.” And you know he means it. Your man wouldn’t bat an eyelash if you asked him to throw everything away and take you to your favorite Asian bistro right this second. 

Not that you’d ever ask him to do that. It was just nice knowing that you were dating the type of man who wanted you to be comfortable at all times. 

“You don’t have to do that.” You tell him, shrugging dismissively. “I’m sure it’s fine. And if it’s not, I’ll just eat my fries.” 

“Shh, Y/N.” Andy murmurs, his thumb tenderly stroking your knuckles. “Just try it. If you don’t like it, I will go back over to that little seafood shack and get you something else.” His gentle tone brooks no room for argument. “Okay, sweetheart?”

So bossy.

“Okay.” You breathe as a warm breeze ruffles through your curls. Summer would be over soon, which is part of the reason you’d chosen to have your date at this particular park. You wanted to enjoy this beautiful weather while you still had the chance.

“Take a bite for me, baby girl. I'm curious to see what you think.” He encourages, letting go of your hand. It then occurs to you that you were probably going to need them both if you really did plan to eat this thing. 

“It’s just so…big.” You muse as you hold it up, poised to take a bite. “All this meat. I’m not sure if it’s all gonna fit in my mouth.”

“Could’ve sworn you said the same thing about me the first time you – ow!” He hisses before reaching down to grasp at his shin. “Shit!”

“Keep it up and I’ll kick you again, sir.” You tell him as you hold up your small foot, loving the way the sparkly polish catches the sunlight. “Please don’t make me mess up my pedicure. It was expensive.” 

And that wasn’t a lie. You’d decided to treat yourself this month, which meant this shit had to last!

“Keep forgetting just how violent my pretty lady can be sometimes.” Andy mutters, absentmindedly rubbing his abused leg. “Kind of turns me on.” And then he delicately grabs hold of your ankle and safely lowers it back to the ground.  “Should I be concerned about that?” He nibbles on a french fry, dunking it in ketchup.

“Probably.” 

And then you do it. Closing your eyes, you lean down and take a massive bite of your lobster roll. 

Go big or go home.

“Oh. My. God.” You moan before diving in once more, making your man chuckle. 

“Is it good, baby?” You look up at him, noticing the way his engaging blue eyes seem to sparkle back at you. “Eh, you got a little somethin’…” 

Ever the doting lover, he picks up a napkin so that he can sweetly wipe away a small smear of sauce left behind on your cheek. 

“There we go, sweet girl. Much better.” 

He has no idea just how much the gesture makes you melt inside. You honestly weren’t sure what you did to deserve this man.

“Thank you.” You whisper, suddenly feeling shy. “It’s - this is really good, Big Man. I was a little worried but…this shit is delicious.” You keep eating, scooping bits and pieces of sweet lobster meat with your fingers when they occasionally fall out of the buttered roll and onto the wrapper below.

“Aren’t you gonna eat too?” You ask, licking at your thumb. 

Jesus, this stuff was good, but it was also super messy.

“I will.” Andrew is quiet for a moment as a french fry dangles loosely from his fingers. “You have no idea just how beautiful you are, do you?” 

Now that takes you by surprise. Not because you were unaccustomed to hearing him say it, in fact it was just the opposite. Your boyfriend was always dropping sweet compliments like that. But what always seemed to strike you the most time and time again was the fact that he…

He actually meant it. Like, it wasn’t just some line he was committed to using to keep you in his bed.

There’s a soft, warm grin on his lips as he cocks his head to the side – his eyes never leaving yours. 

“Andy…” You break away from his gaze to stare down at your meal. “You’re ridiculous.” 

“I’m being serious.” He continues, popping a perfectly fried piece of potato in his mouth. And then he picks up another.

“I know.” You tell him, taking a cooling sip of your drink. “It’s – you’re nice.”

“I’m going to keep saying it.” Your man tells you, using two thick fingers to lift your chin. “Until you start to believe me.” 

“I do.” You murmur, suddenly feeling like you and Andy are the only two people in the entire park. One of your small hands reaches up to wrap itself around his wrist, your thumb resting over his pulse point. 

“Good. Doesn’t mean I plan on stopping any time soon though.” He winks at you then, before finally taking a bite of his food. “Damn if this isn’t delicious.” He takes one more before getting up to excuse himself to the restroom. 

“Be back in a minute, baby girl. If you finish yours while I’m gone then please feel free to help yourself to mine too. Just don’t go wandering off on me, okay?” You can tell that he’s joking. 

Mostly. 

You could tell that he was still dealing with a little PTSD from that time you ditched him when you'd been out on your first date. While it had certainly been a few months since then, your poor Andy Bear still hadn’t fully recovered.

“You got it, handsome. Promise I won’t move from this spot.”

“Thank you.” He breathes a sigh of relief before striding off in the other direction. 

As you sit there alone, you take a moment to dig into your french fries, alternating between dipping them in ketchup and tarter sauce. Maybe you could convince Andy to share a basket of fried clams with you as well. Ooh! And the crab cakes. 

Not that he would ever let you pay for any of it. The last time you’d tried he’d actually snatched your card and kept it in his wallet for the rest of the night. You knew would get your way eventually, but until then, you would have to keep patiently biding your time. 

“Excuse me. Excuse me, Miss.” The sound of someone’s voice breaks you out of your precious reverie. Turning your head, you spy an elderly woman and someone you assume to be her husband waving at you from a neighboring table. 

“Are you talking to me?” You point at yourself. “Oh, um..hi!”

“Hello, honey.” She smiles, waving politely. “Sorry to bother you.”

“No, you’re not, Eva.” Her companion grunts, keeping his attention focused on the crossword he’s apparently working on. 

“Quiet, Alan. Was that –” She struggles to shift her chair a little closer to your own. “Was that young man your boyfriend? I’m talking about the tall, handsome one who just walked that way.”

“Sure is.” You tell her, feeling unable to control the smile dancing across your face. Not that you would want to anyhow. “He is pretty cute, huh?”

“Oh, he is.” The two of you share a conspiratorial giggle. “How long have you two been together?”

“A few months.”

“So it’s new, then?”

“Very.” You nod, swirling your drink around before taking a gulp.

“Oh, Alan. Alan – it’s new. Aren’t they just so cute?” She snaps her fingers at him a couple of times, trying to get his attention. “Alan!”

“No.” He grunts again, which kind of takes you by surprise. 

“Alan!” His wife gasps, looking almost offended as you feel. “Be nice to the poor girl.”

This man, or Alan as it were, finally turns to you then. His cool, gray eyes boring into your own.  

“Look, sweetheart.” Alan lets out a resigned sigh as he neatly folds up his paper crossword and tucks away his pen. “You’re a very pretty girl. You don’t need someone like me to tell you that. And that guy, your boyfriend? He’s a very good looking guy. You don’t need me to tell you that either.” He pauses for a moment as he coughs into his handkerchief. 

Your chest constricts slightly as what feels like a lead weight slowly sinks to the pit of your stomach. 

“And what you two have may be cool for the summer, or whatever it is you young people say these days, but that’ll be it.”

“And why would that be exactly?” The thing is, you had sneaking suspicion that you already knew where this was heading. But you weren’t quite sure.  

“You’re too different. I haven’t even known you for five minutes, but it’s blatantly obvious that you come from different worlds. And despite what the movies and the media tell you, it never works. Because it’s not meant to.”

Alright. Got it. Coded message received.

“It’s just not natural, the two of you mixing like this. And the sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be. Trust me.” He shakes his finger at you, almost as if he’s playing the part of a dutiful father warning an errant child.

“Well, I’m afraid that I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you, Alan.” As flustered as you were inside, and despite the anger coursing through you, you refused to let him see just how affected you were. “It was nice chatting with you, Eva. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going back to my lunch.”

“Oh!” Eva worried eyes flit between you and her husband. “Now see what you’ve gone and done, Alan? You’ve just upset that nice girl.”  

She was right. But you were more than upset. Underneath it all, you were hurt. 

“Eh, she’s young, she’s smart. She’ll be fine.” He waves away his fussing wife’s words as he stands up, obviously preparing to leave.

And of course, as luck would have it, Andy also picks that exact moment to rejoin you at your little table. 

“Hey, sweet girl. Over here making new friends, I see.” He goes to sit down and then pauses, extending his hand to the older man. “The name’s Andrew.”

“And we were just leaving.” Alan informs him, pointedly ignoring your boyfriend’s polite greeting. “C’mon, Eva.”

You shake your head, desperately hating the fact you were allowing one person’s misguided outlook to ruin such a wonderful day out with an equally wonderful man. But sometimes that was all it took, you know?

“Huh?” Andy pulls back, turning his attention toward you. “Did I miss something or..?” He trails off once he finally gets a good look at your crestfallen face.  

“Baby, what’s wrong?” And with that shift, you know he’s forgotten all about the man standing not even five feet away. 

His focus now is you. You are all that he sees as he moves to crouch down beside you.

“Alan, apolgize!” Eva implores him. At least she actually had the decency to look somewhat distraught about the whole situation. “Please. What you’re doing is – it isn’t very kind. This is a new generation. Maybe things might be different –”

But her husband simply isn’t in the mood to hear it. From her, you'd wager, or anyone else for that matter. 

“Son.” He turns to address the concerned man at your side. “I didn’t mean to upset your pretty friend here, not really. You’re a couple of good looking kids. Didn’t I say that to you before, sweetheart?”

Alan waits briefly pauses long enough for you to respond, but you don’t. Instead you choose to cup Andy’s cheek, trying to concentrate on the soft fullness of his neatly cropped beard.  

“You two are having a summer fling. I get it. I don’t support it, but –”

“Why the hell would either one of us give a fuck about what you do or do not support?” Andy snarls, his hackles raised. 

“I’m just trying to warn you because I’ve been where you are.” Surprised by the younger man’s harsh tone, he returns his attention to you. “Look, your Andrew here is lost in the newness of all of this. You’re beautiful, you’re exotic. He’s enjoying a small taste of the forbidden – I know you know what I’m saying.” Alan uses his folded puzzle to fan himself. “Everyone is always so quick to call things racist these days, but what the hell happened to being honest?”

“Hey, my guy. Unless you missed it, I’m a grown ass man who’s quite capable of making his own fucking decisions.” He scrubs a hand over his jaw as he cracks his neck. “And I’ve decided that I want to spend my day, my time – hell, pretty much my every fucking waking hour if she’ll have me – with this gorgeous woman right here.”

Andy closes the distance between them then, their faces so close that their noses are practically touching. ”So, I’m gonna do you a kindness by letting you know up front that I am definitely the kinda guy who won’t hesitate to hit an old man, especially if you say one more disrespectful thing about my girl.” 

There’s no hiding the fact that he’s seething, but you can also see that what he’s experiencing runs deeper. You suspect that he’s feeling helpless in a way that he never has before. 

“Ask your people, young lady. And I bet they’ll tell you the same -that’s assuming your folks haven’t done so already.” He goes to reach for his wife’s hand. But she’s clearly had enough of the spectacle, so she simply turns and walks away. “I guess that’s one thing the races have in common, wanting to spare our kids any unnecessary pain.” 

“But the thing is, Alan, nobody asked for your fucking opinion in the first place.” You hiss, finding your voice again. “About me or my man.” Your hands are shaking, so you keep them hidden under the table. “So I’m not quite sure why you chose to give it.”  

“I was just –”

“Go chase after your wife, buddy, before I fuck around and lose my shit.” Old man or not, you can tell that Andy is struggling to rein in his temper. 

Finally, Alan does the smartest thing he’s probably done all day. He turns and follows the same path his wife took, calling her name as he does. She doesn’t appear to acknowledge him, not that you felt overly compelled to care anyway. 

Now, you were left to pick of the pieces what remained of your date. But at this point, you weren’t even sure if it was salvageable. Maybe you would just ask him to drop you back home. After you made sure he was okay, of course. He would probably need you to reassure him that everything was okay, and that incidents like this would be few and far between, and –

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Andy asks, his heated blue eyes never leaving the older man’s slowly disappearing form. “He say anything else while I was gone?”

But then again, Andrew Barber also wasn’t like most other guys...

“Y/N...what else did he say when I was gone?” His voice hard as he repeats his question.

“Just…more of the same.” You shrug, picking at the remaining half your lobster roll. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” He responds, his deep voice coming out a little more hoarse than it had only moments before. “I would hope you'd know that by now.”

“I do.” You tell him, wishing you could make yourself get up and go to him. Because you knew you were right. Comfort was the way to go here. Except you were finding it hard to do what you thought might make someone else feel better when you, yourself, were also having a rough time.

“Then why are sitting over there like you don’t?” 

“Why are you standing over there like you don’t need me to hug you?” You counter, standing on unsteady feet. “My jelly legs don’t work so good right now.” 

“I can come to you.” 

“Then come here.” You open your arms to him. Seconds later they’re wrapped securely around his middle, and his are around you too.

“What you and I have – this thing we’re building here – is so much more than some goddamned summer fling, baby girl. You gotta know that.”

“I do.” Because you did. Sometimes things really were that simple. 

“Say something else. Something more.” His voice wavers just a touch, almost as if he’s close to begging.

A small sigh escapes as you try to form the right words. And then decide to go with honesty, the usual best policy.

“I don’t just know it, Andy. It - it’s more than that. I feel it. Right fucking here, honey.” Taking his hand, you place it over his heart. “Right here.” You rasp. “Where it counts.”

“Okay.” Your man clings to you even tighter. “Okay, good.” 

You two stand like that for a moment, both of you holding on to the comfort you were each attempting to give the other.

“I love you.” Andy whispers into your curls as his hand smooths its way up and down your back. “So much. And I hope you know that man is an idiot who–”

“Shh.” You interrupt, pressing a finger to his soft lips. “I love you too. And also, there’s a fly enjoying your lobster roll.”

“What?” He chokes on a surprised laugh. 

“Yep and – ope! Now there’s two.” You confirm, spinning him around so that he can see for himself. “Guess this date’s ruined, huh?” 

You bite your lip before brushing your fingers over his furrowed brow, smoothing out the small wrinkles. 

“Ruined. Right.” Your man sniffs. “On account of the flies. And not the casual cup of racist bullshit we just had tossed in our laps like it was nothing.” 

“Nope." You shrug. “It was definitely the flies, because ignorant assholes like that don’t get to fuck up our days.”

“Is that right?”

“Mmhm. Although, I have to tell you, I’m still a little hungry.” You shoo the flies away before picking up your unwanted food and tossing it in the trash. Have at it bugs. And then go to link an arm through his, gently leading him out of the park. 

“You are?” 

You weren’t, at least not really. But you didn’t want things to end this way. Neither one of you deserved that.

“Uh huh. Know any place where we could get a nice, juicy cheeseburger and maybe a couple slices of pie?” You bat your lashes up at him, wanting him to go along with it.

“I do. As long as we can get it to-go that I can hold you while we eat.” You allow Andy to adjust your positions so that you can snuggle deeper into his side.

While you were pretty sure that it wouldn’t be today, you knew you both would eventually be okay. And you could always try lobster rolls again some other time. Either at this park, or at a different one. The place didn't matter.

But your company...now that did.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, honey.”

END

[jakeysbuttsheeks]

Godfather 1v

Warnings: profanity, age gap , mature themes, mentions of : overdose , drug use , substance use , death of parent , orphaning , other weird shit

Pairings: Jake X fem reader

Masterlist

You woke up in your bed , assuming Jake had carried you to bed last night after you fell asleep on his lap .

You were glad Jake and you had gone back to how it was when you were younger. You remembered particularly when Jake and your dad were barely adults and how much fun you used to have with them. It's a shame it had to end . But hopefully you and Jake could continue to keep it living through.

You took your time getting up , it was Sunday . But the thought of having to go work and your boss giving you a mouthful made you dread ever wanting to wake up tomorrow.

You grab your phone to see if your boss had replied to the text you sent him yesterday saying you couldn't make it to work .

Well fuck.

You slogged down stairs after you read the text your boss sent you , on your way to find Jake .

"what's wrong?" Jake asked as soon as you came down , he was sitting on the loveseat, watching some random show to down his coffee.

"I guess we both had to bear the consequences of having fun yesterday" you as you throw yourself on the couch .

"what do you mean?" Jake sets his coffee down on the short coffee table in front of him .

"I got fired" you sigh .

"the bastard! You're literally a kid! Does he really expect you to slog for him every single !?" Jake immediately got defensive.

"I guess so" you sigh again .

"I'm going to go find another job" you stand off the couch and decide not to waste another day.

"wait-" Jake stopped .

"I remember our manager saying we needed a- what's it called?- social media person- s social media strategist" Jake snapped his fingers when he got the name.

"jake-" you sigh " the whole point of having a job is so that I can pay you back for taking care of me and earn enough to get out of your hair without your help." You say .

"I'm only telling you there's a job for you. I'm not going to be paying you, my manager will do that" he says , searching his pockets for something.

"wait let me just call her" he says as he quickly pulls his phone out of his pocket.

"Jake you don't have to-" you shake your head .

"it's my job to take care of you and make sure you're ready to settle down on your own. Let me do what I'm supposed to" Jake says as he puts his phone to his ear .

You knew you already got the job before the phone call even ended . Ofcourse, Jake had to get his way.

"now you don't need to worry. You can just come to work with me" Jake smiles proudly as he ends the call with his manager. You didn't find it amusing. You didn't enjoy receiving things from people without feeling guilty about it.

"you really shouldn't have" you say , trying to prevent the corners of your mouth from drooping uncontrollably.

"why? It's about time you got into the music industry with your talents" Jake says , knowing this was going to be the start of something bigger . All the guitar lessons Jake had given you was finally going to pay off one day .

You would have more exposure to Jake and his band and understand how the music industry worked .

Growing up with a musically enriched community of people that got together and played tunes every weekend for your whole life did play a huge part in your secret desire to become a rockstar like Jake . But the idea seemed so impossible. You hated being on stage , and hated hearing yourself sing .

Jake had always been your idol and you secretly always wanted to be like him or- be with him? You didn't know . But you loved everything he did and you wished you could do it all with him .

When the band started exploding and Jake started touring, you'd watch behind the screen while you had to take care of your wasting away father .

But this was a chance . An opportunity to capture your dream . You wanted to earn it and not be handed it though. Jake knew that .

That's why he offered for you to start off as staff , to learn the music industry and perhaps beat it in hopes to share your own music with the world .

You remembered when the times you spent with Jake when he thought you guitar. He cheered you on when you got each thing right . He said you were gifted but you always believed it was all behind the teacher rather than the student.

☆⋆⋅─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────⋆⋅☆

You sat in your room and picked up your guitar that Jake had gifted you . it was lying in it's case in the corner of your room for a while. You plugged it in and smiled, reminiscing all the times you had with the guitar back when you were younger and didn't have to worry about adult things like money.

The first song to decided to play was a song that reminded you of Jake alot , baby I love your way by Peter Frampton. You adjusted the volume and gain so you wouldn't disturb Jake .

You started playing, descending into your own world, imaging you were on stage with the crown yelping for joy when they heard you play , adding on little riffs and licks . You wished you could be like Jake . Such a boon , here to heal all the world with his music.

Jake's ears perked the minute he heard the sound of a guitar that wasn't coming from him . He listened silently but you played so quietly, he could faintly hear your voice along with the guitar.

He couldn't help but creep his way upstairs, hoping to catch more of you playing and singing by yourself .

Your door was not closed fully , exposing a little crack , just enough to give him a good sight of you on your bed with your guitar on your lap .

His jaw dropped as he watched you , mesmerised , watching the way you so blissfully streamed into the song , strumming away while singing your heart out , little did he know , it was him you were thinking of while singing.

He couldn't help the hearts that swelled in his eyes as he watched you . Like he just knew you were meant for him .

He loved how you sounded and how you played guitar , like it was the only sound that could save him .

He loved how your eyes were closed tight , lost in your own word . And how you eyebrows were pinched together and tilted up , letting your emotions take over . He loved everything about watching you play and he wished he could watch you this way forever .

You abruptly stopped and practically jumped out of your skin when you heard a soft thump, you opened your eyes to see Jake by the door , with glassy eyes , his mouth dropped open .

"shit Jake you scared me!" You close your eyes tight for a second to calm yourself.

"that was fucking beautiful y|n-" he spoke like he was at loss for words as he opened the door wider to let himself in .

"you've gotten so good! You deserve to be on a fucking stage!" Jake yelled , walking into your room .

"shut up" you mutter , blushing hard.

"I'm not kidding! Jesus- you sounded so amazing" Jake says and you couldn't help but want to stuff your face in a pillow and scream .

"thank means so much coming from a rockstar" you smile , reminding yourself of who he was.

"don't kid yourself you're right there" Jake says as made himself comfortable on your bed in front of you .

"remember when you struggled to play F because it was a Barre chord and I made you keep trying so you threw a tantrum and said you hated me and said you'll never be like me?" Jake asked and you're eyes widened when you were reminded of something you'd completely forgotten.

"oh my god" you laugh , covering your face in embarrassment to think about how you screamed at him that time. You were in your raging teens.

"look at you now, Bloody spitting image of me" Jake teased and you shake your head.

"I'll still never be like you" you laugh lightly as you put your guitar down .

"you'll be better" Jake says placing his hand in your knee as you move to sit closer to him .

"no one's better than you" you mumble.

"everyone's better than me!" Jake scoffed with a laugh of disbelief.

"not to me they're not" you second.

"aw" Jake teased at your confession with a smug but also shy smile .

"okay you're not THAT great" you lie in embarrassment , rolling your eyes to seem like you're annoyed with him .

"sure. Liar!" he charges at you , tickling your sides because he knew that was where you were most ticklish.

You scream and fell back into your pillows , trying to get rid of him but all you could do was historically laugh in agony and wriggle under his touch .

Another thing you'd forgotten about was how Jake would tickle you everytime you lied as a kid . You dreaded his tickle attacks because he would never stop till you admit you were lying. And given he was much stronger than you , you couldn't fight him .

"Jake stop!" You scream through laughs , almost breaking into tears with the way your stomach contracted with hearty laughter .

"admit it" he teases as he fights your limbs to tickle you nonstop . At this point he was hovered on top of you , his hair falling down and curtaining around his face as he laughed at you menacingly.

"fine! FINE!" You cry out , barely able to breathe with the way you were laughing. He finally ceased and you whined in relief as your laughter died out, your cheeks aching.

Jake was still giggling, looking down at you with his arms propping his upper body over yours.

There was a silent exchange of intense eye contact before he lifted off you , clearing his throat as he sat back down by the foot of your bed . You sat up with his motion , still tired from laughing.

"are you coming with me to work or what?" Jake asks as he stand off your bed .

"now? Today?" You ask .

"yes today. Get your lazy ass up let's go . I'm leaving in 10" Jake says as he heads to your door . He knew fully well you weren't lazy and that you were actually very hardworking but he liked to tease.

He was excited to bring you to work with him for some reason. Excited that you'd be working with him and spending more time with him now . He was excited to have your skill . He was excited to have your company. He was was excited to have you.

NEXT PART

Tags :

@mackalah @mindastreamofcolours @jjwasneverhere @themoreyou-love @gvf23 @sarah-gvf01 @thetroublegetssoloud71 @violetstarcatcher @brookekiszkaa @gvfmarge @mulberrimouse

[alixinwwonderland]

(I had a TMMM-themed dream the other night, and the bit of dialogue in it stuck in my head until it turned into this. Enjoy?)

Despite that rather sweet apology from Sylvio, Midge still looks over her shoulder a little too often when she walks through Riverside Park. So, from time to time, when she wants to be completely and totally assured that a peaceful walk won’t be disrupted by a handsome former lover, she heads down to Washington Square Park instead.

It’s been working great, until today.

At first, Midge doesn’t quite believe what she’s seeing. The man on the bench just a few steps away looks tired, to be sure, but not in the way he looked that awful, awful night at that awful, awful club, with a stool covered in court documents and a set spiraling rapidly out of control. He still looks too thin, but not as frighteningly so. His hair is endearingly rumpled, curls outlined in the midday sun, and his jacket is discarded on the bench beside him, revealed rolled-up, also-rumpled white shirtsleeves — a particular brand of casual, relaxed intimacy that takes her back to a humid stroll on a Miami boardwalk.

But it can’t be him.

She’s read the headlines. She’s heard the gossip. She knows what’s been happening. She saw it firsthand. And besides, even if he were back in the city, what are the odds he’d be out in the middle of the day, sitting on a bench in the very same park where she is?

But they’ve always had an instinct for finding each other, haven’t they? No matter how big the place, the city, or the country, they wind up in the same rooms, as if someone secretly placed magnets beneath their skin so that they’d always be drawn to each other across any distance.

But it can’t be him.

But it is him. Lenny Bruce, back in New York, slouched on a bench in Washington Square Park, and Midge has a decision to make. And yet it’s not really a choice at all, is it?

As Midge approaches, she stops in her tracks as a small, blonde girl, who looks perhaps a year or so younger than Ethan, runs up to Lenny. He looks down from the book he’s reading, says something to her, then smoothes back her ponytail with a smile and sends her back off to where she’s playing with a few other children.

Midge debates turning back now, not wanting to intrude on a part of Lenny’s life that he has clearly worked very hard to keep away from everyone, her included. But she remembers the sheepish pride in his voice when he mentioned his daughter in that long, lonely terminal, and the glisten in his eyes. She realizes, then, what she hadn’t in that moment, having been so focused on her own shame from their last conversation (and so flustered from the way his gaze had flicked up and down her body when she approached, just like it had when he’d peeled a dress from her shoulders and gazed at her in her show corset and garters before following the path of his eyes with nimble, strong hands).

He’d been trying to show her that this was different. That she was different — someone he could talk to his daughter about, not rant defensively about being creatures of the night. And she’d just… brushed it off, tried to reset them to a casual place, without even acknowledging that the ship had sailed. 

Besides, she’s still not convinced he’s real and not a figment of her exhausted imagination.

Faster than her brain can weigh the pros and cons, her feet are carrying her over to stand in front of him. He looks up from his book, and she can see the flicker of surprise cross his face. Before he can open his mouth to say anything, she’s reaching out, brushing her fingers against crisp, wrinkled cotton and feeling the solid warmth of his upper arm beneath it. 

Lenny looks at her hand on his arm, then back at her.

“New form of greeting take hold since I was last here?” he asks.

“Well, you have been gone a while, you might have missed a few trends,” she replies, letting go now that she can be sure.

“You wanna sit?” He picks up his jacket and moves it into his lap. Midge hesitates for only a moment before sitting in the empty spot beside him. She folds her hands on her lap, the better to resist the urge to touch him again.

“So. Back in New York, I see,” she says.

“For a few weeks. I got a couple meetings. Couple of gigs that haven’t been canceled yet.” He shrugs. “Nothing like you, Mrs. Maisel. I see the TV bigwigs have finally picked up on what the rest of us knew years ago.”

“That hiring me could singlehandedly send their entire costuming department into overtime?” she quips. A half-smile plays at Lenny’s lips.

“That. And, that you’re too funny to be away from the spotlight too long.” He smiles for real at her, softly, in that way that Midge has learned over the years seems to be mostly reserved for her. 

“Are we really doing this?” she asks. Lenny’s brow creases.

“Doing what, exactly?”

“This.” She waves her hands. “Small talk. How’s work, what’s new—”

“Who’s got gout?” Lenny offers, smirking behind his hand.

“Stop that.” Midge can’t help the smile that spreads across her own face, but she does her best to stay focused.

“I’ve heard about—”

“Ah, don’t believe everything you read in the papers,” Lenny quips, fumbling for a cigarette and lighting it. He offers Midge one, but she shakes her head. “Besides, you’ve got more important things to worry about.”

“Do I?” Midge asks, and there’s that look on his face again, the one that means she’s touched on something real and that big, beautiful, fast-paced brain of his is whirring like crazy to decide whether or not to brush her off. 

He sighs, running his free hand over his face with a groan.

“Fine. What you are to the NBC costume department, I am to the entire legal industry. Prosecution and defense alike,” he says.

“Not the judges, too?”

“A little out of my price range,” he quips back, but there’s an exhaustion beneath it that worries her, as he takes another drag off his cigarette. “I hate California,” he admits, more quietly. “Too much sun, too warm, everyone is just sunshiney all the time. And the sand gets in your fucking shoes and it never gets out! Never! How the fuck is that possible?”

“Let it all out, honey,” Midge says, bridging the space between them to pat his shoulder sympathetically while stifling a giggle. He looks back up at her with a glare.

“This isn’t funny. I have found sand in places I cannot mention in polite company.”

Midge looks around dramatically.

“I don’t see any polite company here, do you?”

That earns a short, bursting, “ha!” out of Lenny, and a very bad smile.

“My mistake. Only the rabble-rousers and delinquents here,” he replies. Midge realizes she still has her hand resting on his shoulder, but neither of them seem to mind much.

“Seriously, Lenny,” she says, ducking her head to force him to meet her gaze. “What’s really going on? Are things better… or worse… or?”

Lenny takes one more drag off his cigarette before stubbing it out in the ashtray by his side of the bench. He can’t quite meet her eyes.

“Some things are worse,” he admits, thinking of the growing line of court cases with his name involved. “Some things got worse, but… might be getting better.” And that’s a memory he’d rather not share with her: the aches and the sweats and the roiling stomach and the sheer force of will to not seek out the very thing that would bring an end to the misery, but would also make all of that exact same misery be in vain. 

(He would know — he’s been down this path before, and he’s always wound up right back at the starting line eventually).

Midge nods as if she understands. She doesn’t, not deeply, but she cares so much, and he adores her for it.

“And some things… some things are a little better,” he admits. His gaze pings away from his lap, and she follows his gaze to where the little blonde girl is playing, oblivious to anything except the toys and her new playmates. 

“Is that—?”

Lenny grins, and oh the proud papa look suits him, Midge thinks.

“Yeah. Hey, Kit! C’mere!” he calls out. The girl — Kit — looks up and bounds over. Up close, Midge can see the resemblance. She might be fair and blonde, and her eye color is lighter than his, but there’s a spark of lively mischief there that she knows all too well, and a lilt to the way she carries herself that echoes her father’s lanky gait.

“Kitty, I want you to meet my friend. This is Midge,” he says. “Midge, meet Kitty.” 

“Your name is pretty. And so’s your dress,” Kitty says, sticking her hand out to shake. Midge takes it with an amused smile.

“Thank you. It’s short for Miriam. My name, not my dress,” she jokes, and Kitty grins.

“My name is short for something too. Brandy Kathleen,” she declares proudly, and Midge bites back a grin as she sees Lenny squirm out of the corner of her eye.

“I think that’s very pretty too,” is all she says, solemn to this twinkly, wise little girl.

“Do we have to go now?” Kitty asks Lenny, who looks at his watch and grimaces.

“Actually … we do. Uh… where’s your sweater?” Lenny asks, looking around. Kitty points to a spot over where she was playing. “Well then, go get it.”

As Kitty bounds off, Lenny speaks quietly to Midge.

“It’s been a good day,” he says without taking his eyes off Kitty. “Lot of times, the kids aren’t allowed to play with her. They say her daddy says bad things and their parents won’t let them.” He places a humorous emphasis in the sentence, but the smile twisting his lips is far from genuine good humor. Midge’s heart just about cracks open.

“Lenny—” she starts, but Kitty’s reappearance cuts any conversation short. The little girl looks up at Midge.

“Do you want to come over for dinner? Daddy cooks!” she says enthusiastically.

Midge grins.

“Oh, does he?” she asks. “Let me guess … does he wear an apron while he does it?”

Kitty nods, beaming.

“It’s too short for him so it looks silly,” she confides, judgmental in that way only a child can be, and it takes all of Midge’s experience with her own children’s oddities to keep a straight face. “But it’s such a pretty blue.”

Midge looks up to meet Lenny’s gaze.

“A pretty blue, huh?” she says. “So that really is your favorite color, then?” 

Lenny shrugs. “It is now.”

—

Dinner is, well. It’s strange. Not in a bad way, necessarily. Lenny’s apartment in the Village is simple and lived-in. He’s no Zelda in the kitchen, but who is, and frankly, he’s the only man of her acquaintance who can acquit himself around a stove and actually turn out something not just edible, but very tasty. She would have thought the presence of his daughter would make things more awkward, but, it turns out, Kitty is just the ticket to keeping things light and pleasant, smoothing over the lingering tensions with non-stop chatter and questions.

When Kitty is finally sent to her room for the night, Lenny gets up and wanders over to the sink to do the dishes. Wordlessly, Midge gets up, finds a dishtowel, and dries. 

“What is this, Lenny?” she asks softly. “You leave — almost without saying goodbye. You get yourself into an awful mess. You push everyone away who wants to help you. And now… what, you just show up in New York like nothing has happened, like we can go back to sneak attacks and bantering at clubs?”

“Well, the latter might be a little difficult, given my status as persona non grata at so many fine establishments,” Lenny jokes, turning off the water as he hands the final plate to her. Midge sets the plate down, still wet.

“Lenny.”

The smile slides off his face as he turns to look at her, really look at her.

“Okay,” he says, giving her that tiny, tiny nod that means he’s serious. “Okay,” he repeats, sitting back down at the kitchen table and gesturing for her to do the same. “What do you want to know?”

And what doesn’t Midge want to know? She settles on the first thing that comes to mind.

“The last time I saw you … all was very much not well,” she says. Her voice is gentle, but firm, making it clear that there’s no joking out of this corner this time. Lenny ducks his head, nods again.

“I know,” he says, more quietly than Midge has ever heard him. “I never wanted you to…”

“But I did,” she replies. “And now I want to know… I don’t even know what to ask.”

Lenny fiddles with his hands for a moment, twisting the corner of the dish towel that Midge had still been holding when they sat down.

“If I’m clean?” he asks. Midge swallows, then nods. The words sound so harsh, but, she supposes, that’s appropriate for a harsh reality. After a moment, Lenny nods too.

“I am,” he offers. “Have been for… a little while. After… after that, I couldn’t… I wanted to just… disappear. I just wanted…”

“Hey.” Midge covers his hand with hers. “You don’t have to … if you don’t want.”

“No, no. It’s okay. You should… you should hear it. So you can make an… informed decision.”

“Informed decision? About what?” 

Lenny pulls his hand out from under hers and bounds up, picking up the towel to hang up.

“Nothing. I, uh. I think I just…”

“Complete sentences, please,” Midge nudges. 

“I just thought… if you wanted… and I definitely do… I thought…” He looks at her with those big, angst-filled eyes of his. “I thought… maybe I could call. This time. But I definitely misread the—”

And now Midge gets it.

“You didn’t misread,” she says, getting up to stand at eye level, or as close to it as they can get with their height difference. “You didn’t.”

“But I thought you said ... we didn’t do that,” he points out, and Midge winces.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I was just ... i was so embarrassed, Lenny. After Carnegie Hall. I thought ... I thought I could pretend nothing was different, but I was wrong, and I’m sorry. And now...”

She takes a deep breath — if he can do this, so can she.

“I was just confused because you made it sound like there was a decision that needed to be made. And if we’re talking about the same thing… that’s a decision that was made a long time ago.”

Midge Maisel has surprised Lenny time and time again. At this point, he should be surprised at being surprised. And yet, she always manages to catch him off guard with how matter-of-fact she is about caring. Lenny is used to people hiding their hearts, keeping them tucked away because caring is dangerous in this business, caring is what holds you back and gets you hurt. But Midge has always worn her caring like a badge of honor, and there’s something about it that makes him wish he could be that way too — and maybe he can, a little. If it’s her.

He realizes, a moment too late, that he’s gaping at her. She shrugs and smiles, a little self-conscious.

“When a guy gives you advice without laughing at you, bails you out of jail, takes you to a jazz club, offers to be sympathetic, talks you up to a wary crowd, and works for free just to give you one last chance… what’s a girl to do?” she asks gently. 

“You make me sound like some knight in shining armor, Midge,” Lenny mutters bitterly. “Haven’t you learned by now?”

Midge shrugs again.

“Eh. Knights are overrated. I prefer cranks in trench coats.” That earns a laugh, huffing out in a breath as Lenny tilts his head down to meet Midge’s. 

“Fuck, Midge. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” he confesses. “I’m clean now, but I could fall off the wagon at any moment. I got enough court cases to keep the entire state bar of New York — and possibly multiple other states — employed for several months. I’m still living in California—”

“Which you hate. Sun, sand, Mickey Mouse,” Midge quickly points out, and he chuckles again.

“My point is, my life is a mess right now. There is a very, very high likelihood that I have peaked and it is all downhill from here. And you? You’re on your way up.” He snaps his fingers for emphasis. “The world is at your feet, and people are taking notice in the best possible ways. I’m not about to be the schmuck who drags you down. You’ve had enough of that for a lifetime.”

Then, there are cool hands on either side of his face.

“Have you considered the possibility that maybe the reason you’re feeling so weighed down is because you’re trying to carry it all yourself? Sisyphus, wasn’t it?” she asks.

“Without the fabulous hair,” Lenny quips back, echoing the last time he let the door crack open and let Midge see just how much it cost him to be Lenny Bruce. Her lips curve upward just slightly at the corners, and he knows she’s in the same memory he is.

“I don’t know about that, I like your hair,” she teases. She runs one of her hands up to tangle in his curls, and he can’t help letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment as he leans into her touch.

“I remember something of the sort,” he can’t resist saying, and he opens his eyes just in time to see a pretty flush color her cheeks at a different sort of memory.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Midge says, drawing back just an inch or two but not letting go. “I let you in. I stop running from being scared I’ll ruin everything good in my life by being too much. And in return, you let me in. As much or as little as you can manage. Long-distance phone calls, if that’s what you want. Business cards for lawyers, if that’s as much as you’ll allow. Help with moving, if that’s what you decide. But you give me a little bit of the load. I’m strong enough to take it, now.”

He should say no. He should kiss her forehead and thank her politely and send her on her way and then crawl out of her life again. But there’s a piece of him that thinks (that knows) she’s right, logically — things don’t feel so heavy when someone else is carrying a little of the weight.

So instead, he leans down, slowly, so she has plenty of time to change her mind. But she doesn’t, and his lips settle on hers. And it feels… right. It feels like something he’d like to experience over and over, night after night, until years of arrests or years of drug use or just the general human condition catch up to him.

“Yes,” he says, and the smile he gets against his lips in return feels like more trouble than the law ever gave him, and he cannot wait.

[hahahahawk]

That Storming Book

(Way of Kings re-read)

Dalinar paraphrases “journey before destination” in this chapter when talking to Sadeas, and there are themes of “life before death” elsewhere in their conversation. Dalinar admits to getting the “journey before destination”-type quote from the in-world Way of Kings.

Reading that passage right now, it occurs to me to check if Nohadon was a Radiant.

Yes, I remember the huge jump he makes in one of the visions, but I honestly interpreted that as dream logic, not him being a surgebinder. Most of the notes on the wiki about Nohadon’s abilities reference extra-text resources, not books in the canon. I’m happy to believe that he was a Bondsmith, even if it makes it more annoying that Dalinar never truly got to meet him.

While I don’t think Nohadon is much like Bumi (from avatar:tla), they do have the jumping-from-great-heights in common, plus being treated as super wise and admirable by their respective media. Even if they’re not cut from the same cloth, they definitely would get along well.

—

Haven’t had much to say about the last few chapters. I have something in my drafts about feeling like Sigzil is more a piece of distinctly carved furniture than a character in this book. Despite reading on the wiki about everything he does in the Rosharan books, I’m gonna double down on that take (for now).

Sigzil has a lot to say and adds a lot of contextual information, but while he tells us about Roshar (and a little about himself), he doesn’t take actions that are specific to himself and also move the story forward.

Even at this point in WoK, Rlain is more of a ~character~ than Sigzil. Rlain is (obviously) different than the rest of Bridge Four, but he also presents an ongoing conflict for Kaladin. Sigzil mostly retreats into the background chorus of the bridge crew.

Teft has an arc through future books, Dabbid has a future arc, Rock has an arc. Lopen grows his arm back, but I’m not sure that counts.

But for the most part Skar, Sigzil, Drehy, Hobber, and Leyten are interchangeable background characters to me. I know they have their own characteristics and backstories, but I struggle to remember any of them taking any plot-relevant actions that only that individual with their specific background and personality would take.

And that’s honestly fine! Books can only (comfortably) handle so many distinct characters. Like a fictional equivalent to the Dunbar number.

This is all a long winded defense of why I didn’t recognize Nomad as Sigzil.

And I even have face blindness in the books I read.

[honeydukesheroine]

Update: HP ⚡️ Re-Read Challenge

Philosopher's Stone

So I actually finished Philosopher's Stone on Sept 1st! But forgot to post my notes.

I imagined making these notes more readable (for anyone remotely interested), but honestly ... laziness wins. So decipher these how you will! 😂

If you want me to dive into any of the bullet points, send me an ask and I'll be happy to have an excuse to take a break from writing explore them more!

Ch 1

- Family relationships with uncles and aunts and children. How people drift apart with styles of life and partner

⁃ Shows how the predjudice comes out in the durlseys and Harry probably rejecting all of that to be as different as possible

⁃ How dumbledore must’ve been feeling when he dropped off Harry. Guilt? That there was something he could’ve done. “When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here” - is he looking for commiseration?

⁃ Is he really gone? “It certainly seems so, we have much to be thankful for” then a distraction…

⁃ You flatter me, had powers I’ll never have

⁃ Dumbledore gave a sniff

⁃ What dumbledore means by growing up away from all that, for the sake of humility? “Until he’s ready to take it” …. Hmmm

⁃ Where was dumbledore ? With snape?

⁃ “Good luck Harry” feels heavily loaded

Ch 2

⁃ Harry told to never ask questions

⁃ Joy to experience new things

⁃ How he can keep his sense of humor, sarcastic and honest observational deadpan

⁃ First signs are Defensive magic!!

⁃ "First friend" - he asks about the snakes roots and is empathetic. Observant and questions and curious

⁃ seems to have a relationship with himself, not self conscious or insecure. Sarcastic and eager to know more. Curious but not allowed to ask questions. Purely himself and unapologetic. Lonely, but knows who is to blame

Ch 3

⁃ almost playing with Dursley's and teasing them

⁃ Harry gets furious and angry from the righteousness of not having what belongs to him. Having something for his own. He’s been waiting and dreaming for this moment when someone would save him and know EXACTLY where he is.

⁃ Headcanon: that they never cleaned out all of Dudley’s junk. That the room was where they put discarded items and Harry fit right in. Everything in his way and crushing in around him

⁃ Dudley must’ve thought making fun of Harry had been a game

⁃ Vernon no doubt was physical with the boys and not afraid to hit them around the head and perpetrated this behavior with Dudley

⁃ He’s obviously unhappy with them, but not in a way that has degraded him completely. Abused, yes but resilience.

Ch 4

⁃ first info he gives Harry is about his parents and how he looks like them, connecting to them

⁃ What is it about Hargrid, being the one to bring Harry into the wizarding world and the symbolism of carrying him to the final face off with Voldemort. Why hagrid? A gentle giant who has love and comfort all over him

⁃ The key to questions he’d been asking all his life, now the first person to come along that can give him information about his parents and why mysteries things happen to him

⁃ Dudley’s like to control Harry

⁃ Petunia girl, been holding that in for 10 years have you?

⁃ Echo of the cold cruel laugh, could be a sign of horcrux “remembering?”

⁃ The real beef with dursleys coming after they can’t control him anymore and son was magicattacked. Fear response driving their concerns plus jealousy?

Ch 5

⁃ probably Harry’s first time in true London!

⁃ Such amazing and efficient world building. The details and specifics of characters that make them multi dimensional and human

⁃ Judge of character I forgot Malfoy was the first student he had met!

⁃ In that moment after Malfoy interaction he felt the sting of being discriminated against for something he couldn’t control

⁃ First time that Harry felt self conscious and glum

⁃ Keeps a sense of him being an eleven year old boy, trying to buy all this fancy stuff

⁃ Theme of similarities between Harry and Voldemort (HBP)

⁃ She could’ve picked any other name for the barkeep. But decided on Tom just before introducing quirrel

⁃ Self questioning at the end of the chapter with the “everyone think I’m special” reminding me of his insistence in the 5th book that everything is reactionary during the first DA meeting. A confusion about his life and what he means to the wizarding world. They will always see him as the famous Harry but he wants people to see him at his level and understand the struggle. He’s introduced to the world as a hero and they expect things from him. His relationship to self and fame throughout the books!

Ch 6

⁃ aunt petunia must’ve known how to get to the platform

⁃ The weasleys!!

⁃ Love Ginny for saying “the boy with manners, yep he’s the one”

⁃ “Oh, him, I mean yes I am"

⁃ Ron’s nerves on the first day, having a lot to live up to with funny brothers and prefect Percy

⁃ Scabbers. Toss him out the window

⁃ Love the bonding session with Ron and Harry. Voicing their concerns and connecting over low means and very different fears going into hogwarts, having to live up to expectations. Cute

⁃ Ron feels like he has a lot to share with Harry- information while Harry shares pasty

⁃ Wonder if Hermione got to choose for the hat too. She said that Gryffindor would be best because dumbledore was in it “but Ravenclaw wouldn’t be too bad”

⁃ You’ve got dirt on your nose, by the way. Did you know?

⁃ Neville losing Trevor had a lot of references on the page. Hermione helping him was interesting too, but even she would’ve rathered been with Harry and Ron?

Ch7

⁃ the meal is the most British dishes ever

⁃ “The dursleys had never exactly starved Harry, but he’d never been allowed to eat as much as he liked”

⁃ Hermione and Percy talking, always wanted to explore that parallel

⁃ Harry’s dream at the end? Is this the horcrux trying to control Harry into slytherin, making it easier for the piece of Voldemort to take control?

Ch 8

⁃ “wish mcgonagall favored us”

⁃ Hermione desperate to prove and please and perform. Pleasing authorities and wanting to emulate them to prove her worth

⁃ Teacher leaving a bunch of 12 year olds unattended

⁃ Neville has so much screen time compared to rest of series

⁃ Love the idea of motor memory helping him here for flying. That the work he did with his parents restored itself when he defended Neville’s. The happiness is almost a memory of his parents buried

⁃ Ron and Hermione bickering and Harry “shut up the both of you!”

⁃ Neville was there for the first outing

⁃ “Harry thought she was probably right but wasn’t going to tell her that”

⁃ Neville bungled their cover by crashing into armor. Like to think that Neville needed the chance to develop on his own without feeling like a Peter pettigrew

Ch11

⁃ Hermione freezing in the moment of distress

⁃ Respect for Hermione for covering for them and lying to a teacher to show her priorities. It’s a shift for her to look to authority instead to honor the sacrifice the boys made for her.

⁃ Her fear realized, being criticized by a teacher

⁃ From that moment they liked her. She found that fitting in with them was more worth than following the rules?

Ch 11

⁃ Hermione’s change of heart with authority. Her starting to trust her own know how over the intentions of other is a big step

Ch 12

⁃ Hermione is determined to uncover flames and snape

⁃ Purpose and mystery

⁃ Ron didn’t get a letter on his sweater?!?

⁃ So many beautiful parallels but this has to be my favorite chapter

⁃ The ghostly and ethereal way he interacts with family. He’s so close to them but far the terrible ache mixed with joy to experience them

⁃ First time we’re seeing moody and brooding Harry

⁃ Their first close up interaction

⁃ Dwell on dreams and forget to live

Ch 13

⁃ Neville so present in this book and they’re kind to him but must not trust him enough

Ch 15

⁃ we’ve got no proof!!

⁃ The quicker he leaves the forest the better they know or get “have we not read what is to come in the movements of the planets?"

Ch16

⁃ in years to come Harry would never quite remember...

⁃ Harry thinking like a detective and realizing hagrid was set up

⁃ Role of their chess pieces!!!!

⁃ Ron’s chess is strategy and fireside and knowing sacrifices have to be made

⁃ How did dumbledore know to get the stone when he did? What rumors stirred that caused it. Did Voldemort know Harry would be coming back that year? Yeah probably...

[mako-neexu]

A/N: woke up earlier to a DA VINCI CE THIS SEPTEMBER AND DUG THROUGH MY HELL HOLE OF TUMBLR DRAFTS JUST TO FINISH THIS SINCE I MADE THIS DURING PAPERMOON BUT I NEVER GOT TO FINISH. I LOVE YOU DA VINCI 

-

growth | gudao and someone precious to him (its not tagged as ship but it could be interpreted that way too. either way is fine.)

He wakes up in a familiar room.  A room he knew well and frequently visited back in those days of peace.

Ritsuka blinks a few times to see if his surroundings were real. But the ground he stood on and the inventions and objects before him seemed to be as real as it gets.

Of course, it was merely a dream, but seeing it once more tugged at his heartstrings more than he could have imagined.

He smiles.

A soft laugh catches his attention, “Why are you smiling Fujimaru-kun?”

He turns to the source, and could not help but rub the back of his neck and laugh as well, “Well, I was just remembering how I completely spilled an energy drink on my bed when Fou tried to settle on my lap last time. Because I got lazy in changing the sheets, I slept with the stain on, which caused everyone to get mad me. Well, not all- but y’know...”

Da Vinci clicks her tongue, setting her cup of steaming coffee on the side. “Even now, you still have that bad habit of bringing drinks near your bed.”

He approached her while she picked up a small ornithopter, caressing its tail with eyes holding some affection... and nostalgia. “I guess so, Da Vinci-chan.”

Ritsuka swallows. His eyes catching sight of the floor before biting his lower lip, and sighed, “How...How are you, by the way?”

His heart was loud in his ears. Each thump was as if something clogged his throat.

Damn. Why is he feeling this way now? 

Her amused scoff was mixed with feigned hurt relieved him more than he could admit, “Same old, same old~ At least my back no longer hurts from hunching over my inventions back in those days. Now, I just have to worry about my back getting hurt from how beautiful my form is!” 

And her smile was wide, ever so similar to the Mona Lisa the painter created, yet so different that she had a charm separate from that artwork alone.

...He missed her.

“Anyways," She gave a dismissing wave before making her way towards him. "I like your mystic code! Did she make it for you?"

Da Vinci leaned close to observe the matching uniform he had with Kadoc. Well, almost. The theme was similar anyways. 

Though it was made only within a week, the care put into it was obvious from the way there were some parts that were hand embroidered, along with hidden pockets strategically put so no obvious lump could be seen.

Besides that, Ritsuka knew what caught Da Vinci's attention the most was Chaldea's symbol attached at the center of his chest.

Ritsuka laughed a little, rubbing his nape once more, "Mini-you and Miss Crane really packed every spell here. Habenyan proposed a sketch of the design. Not to mention, the self-defense mechanisms they put if I were out cold and unable to fight. Haha..."

That soft, proud smile of hers made his heart ache terribly.

Da Vinci was beautiful and confident just like always.

She laughed, throwing her head back in pride, "Fufu! We inventors and artists want nothing but the best for our creations and users!" 

As she reached towards his shoulders to brush the nonexistent lint off, he noticed how there was someone sitting on one of the tables and chairs behind Da Vinci, but he couldn't see who it was.

Their surroundings outside of Da Vinci was blurry, though he clearly recognized it as the old workshop from Chaldea, it was as if the space itself was doing its best to hold up.

"And would you look at that! You're seriously taller than me now! Unforgivingly handsome too! What the heck!?"

Her expression of gawking made him laugh.

"It's called a growth spurt, Da Vinci-chan." He rolled his eyes in half jest, his bangs falling over to one of his eyes. The inventor smiled brushing it behind his ear, but then-

She flicked his nose, which caused him to squawk in surprise, “Even though you’ve matured, you’re still the dork that loves giant mecha and sweets in the morning.”

“So is one of those the things you’re going to give me?” Ritsuka quirked one side of his lip. Even if he was trying to play it cool, deep down, he was a little embarrassed knowing she still remembered that he always snuck in some extra sweets from Emiya’s kitchen in his pocket. He doesn’t do it anymore, but the fact that she still remembered both made him happy yet flustered.

Da Vinci crossed her arms, “What, you caught up on that? Also, nope, it’s none of those! Why don’t you try and guess?” 

With a smirk, he thought long and hard for a moment... actually, a little too long, but then she gave up, “Fine, fine- now, come over here.”

“Wha-”

There was a tug on his sleeves, which caused the Master to stumble forward a little but nevertheless regained his balance.

Something warm pressed against his forehead. Arms wrapped around his frame which dwarfed her own.

.

Ritsuka then realized what it is.

.

“...It’s been tough, huh?” Her quiet voice made it difficult to look at her in the eyes when she pulled away.

All he could manage was a nod.

Her sigh combined with her soothing caresses on his back made him swallow, his chest felt so heavy, a pang was starting to make itself known, “We don’t know when the ‘end’ is but I’m sure there is one. I know there is one. But whether you choose to run away or fight is up to you. No one will begrudge you if you choose the former. What we only want is for you to be happy, Ritsuka.”

That lump in his chest only grew.

A Da Vinci slowly pulled away, she tried to smile, only to have it come out sadly.

“Still, it only felt like yesterday that we were just the same height. You’d also come to my workshop late at night for advice, on how to deal with some Servants you weren’t sure how to talk to.”

...Those times made the young man smile over the bittersweet nostalgia of sharing tea, sitting on a stool while she leaned against the counter and hummed. It may have been artificial, but the golden light that sometimes bathed Da Vinci’s workshop always gave the area a warm reception to anyone who entered.

Aside from the Doctor’s room, the place felt so close like home. Especially when it was decorated and truly loved like a workshop from Italy.

“I remember devising a lot of your mystic codes as well, young man.” Opening her glasses and pushing it up to the bridge of her nose, she glanced into the direction of a certain wooden table holding countless sheets of rough drafts and sketches. “If I could, I’d have included the information and gave it to my successor... but, ah well, sorry for the time constraints! If I knew about what would happen sooner, I’d have packed the info as well to the Border~★“

Her signature wink has Ritsuka chuckling softly, “You’d constantly ask me for feedback on it too. Especially for the Atlas uniform’s spells.”

Those times had been fun. Wearing her inventions, testing them out, and even if it had flaws, the bugs were minor, otherwise...

“But, you know...” Ritsuka paused, now glancing at his gloved hand bearing the command spells, his arm covered in a new mystic code developed by his friends. He can’t deny that he was always happy to receive one every now and then from them, and yet...

His soft blue eyes met the inventor’s own.

“...No one can beat your mystic codes, Da Vinci.”

He appreciated the current ones, but the old mystic codes he had, using uniforms from mage schools and awesome suits, were still the best for any and every situation he came across.

“You’re going to say they’re old and full of creases by now, but you made them, you know? Everything you gave to me, I’ve made sure they’re still taken care of to this day. Because even now, they’ve never failed to protect me from harm.”

...The love she poured into each and all of her inventions were something he’s experienced himself. From her more serious projects to the more silly ones... she wasn’t one to hold back.

Because that is who Leonardo Da Vinci is, one of the people who’s helped him at the beginning, even when he was just... some guy who’s secretly a little scared and confused from all that’s happening.

To the side, he sees her swallow, her expression unreadable behind the glint of her glasses. Even if couldn’t see, he as some sort of inkling. He just hoped he didn’t hurt her feelings accidentally...But the rustle of clothing is what catches his attention, she moves before him, raising her hand to cup his cheek.

Behind the silver frames of her glasses lies the beautiful yet hopeful gaze of the Mona Lisa, Leonardo’s smile ever beautiful like her soul.

“I’m glad. I’m really...glad.” She said, voice almost a whisper, as if something fragile would shatter if it was any louder, “If those could still protect you for a little while longer-help you for as long as you’re still on this journey-then I couldn’t be anymore happier.”

Breath caught on his throat, his gaze lowers while he tries to match her happy smile.

“It truly is a little surreal,” The inventor quietly laughed, strangely soft, “You’re all grown up now. Even for a heart wrenching moment like this... you’re not crying anymore.”

Fujimaru slowly hugged her, feeling her warmth, smelling like home. Back at the observatory atop a snowy mountain. Back to those times where it was just the four of them enjoying a quiet moment beneath an orange kotatsu.

“You smiled at that time, right?” She smiled even as blood red spilled past her lips, even as gold began to gather at her feet, her determination to protect him and Mash had never wavered for even a second. From the beginning, down to her last moments, he always saw a smile.

What Da Vinci deserved wasn’t partings of sadness, rather, a round of applause for someone as great as her. A certain someone would agree with his words.

Tears... He felt that it didn’t suit the occasion. For this warm, happy dream where he was able to meet her again and share another moment with one of people he’s cherished the most. Whether this was real or not, he was going to be honest before her no matter what.

And like the genius that she is, she was quick to notice his implications, the words unsaid between the both of them.

Returning his hug, Da Vinci’s laughter was a little muffled, dwarfed as she is in the hold. And before Ritsuka closed his eyes, knowing that the end of the dream was near, he’d smiled into a certain someone’s direction, seeing now the unmistakable green and white accents of the clothing the man wore.

And just like the times they all said goodbye, Ritsuka was happy to see their smiles once more.

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s4 ep20: Vis a Vis

The only thing I remembered from this episode was Tom's garage holoprogram with the vintage car, and I feel like that's probably my brain protecting me by blocking out everything that sucked in this episode. This ep was so stupid, and not in a good way.

(Content warning for discussion of sexual assault beneath the cut, yet again! Was it 'disrespect female characters month' on the show or something??)

Every character on Voyager got at least one really good episode to themselves, except for Tom. For some reason all of his were awful, and I don't know why. He's a great character, he'd had a strong character arc throughout the show, he was always quietly wonderful in the background of other characters stories, but then they seemed to go blank whenever they tried to make an episode about him, and we're left with crap like this.

I don't recognize the name of the writer, so I'm guessing it was a script submitted by someone who hadn't seen the show since season one, when they were trying so hard (and failing spectacularly) to make Tom a bad boy. The Tom Paris we see in this ep is not the guy we've gotten to know over the last four years- instead of a self sacrificing, eager to help out goober who's ride or die for everyone on that ship, we have a selfish, rude, obnoxious jerk- and that's before the alien body-swapping even starts! I honestly thought the alien had already stolen his body during that scene in the mess hall where he freaks out and gets paranoid and yells at B'Elanna for no reason- what the hell was that?? Where did this weird random 'Tom is suddenly unhappy on Voyager out of the blue, for no reason' stuff come from?? We already did that way back in season 2- and that was fake. By that point, Tom was already 100% commited to Voyager, and only pretended to not be for the sake of a mission. The last time Tom actually got defensive and snappy toward people he loved, it was because he was distraught to be reminded of his life before Voyager, because he's so much happier there than anywhere else. To just ignore that a few episodes later makes no sense. Tom literally has everything he ever wanted for the first time in his life- he's doing his dream job, surrounded by people who love him and believe in him, he has the hottest girlfriend in the galaxy, and he's far away from his dad and Starfleet and all the mistakes of his past that almost ruined his life, and yet we're supposed to believe that he's somehow bored and dissatisfied and wants something better?? Than his life on Voyager?? Like what?? How could anyone on Voyager be starved for excitement when they deal with constant life and death situations every other day?? (Probably too much excitement for most of the crew's comfort tbh.) Feels like some real toxic masculinity to assume that any man who's finally settled in life must actually feel pinned down and constrained by having responsibilties to other people.

I'm supposing they did the whole 'Tom is unhappy here' storyline so he could learn a little 'there's no place like home' lesson at the end. But if that's the story you want to tell, why pick a character who's happy where he is, and already knows that?? If you have to totally twist a character around to fit them into the mold you want, just so they have to do something to get back to the point they were already at- that's bad writing, plain and simple. Pick another character that you don't have to twist around for it, or do a different story.

There wasn't anything clever or insightful, or even funny in this one. It just doesn't work. They didn't even use the body swapping as a device to explore another theme, it was just a straight-up body snatcher trope with no new twist or new insight. It just ended up feeling gross to watch, because the audience knows it isn't really Tom, it's a bad guy with bad intentions, and so we're just watching a bad guy lie to and manipulate characters we love the whole time, and it's extremely unpleasant. Especially with B'Elanna, there was just no way she wouldn't have seen through him, and even if she didn't, she wouldn't have tolerated that behavior from Tom either. She'd have thrown him out of her quarters after that bullshit in the mess hall, she'd never have been moved by the imposter's lame ass attempt at an apology, and she would have punched him in the nose after grabbing her in the transporter room scene. That scene makes me so angry I want to scream. You honestly think B'Elanna fucking Torres is gonna tolerate any man raising a hand to her?? Really?! She knows how to fight, she's not gonna sit there like a passive victim, she'd be angry and fight back. And she'd tell the Captain, because that clearly isn't Tom, and even if it was, assaulting a fellow officer is very much not allowed in Starfleet, and he should absolutely be disciplined for it. Making B'Elanna into some passive victim in this story just makes my blood boil. I'm not even Klingon, and I'm ready to punch a guy in the nose over all this, so just imagine what B'Elanna would do!

Compare this episode to the Next Generation episode 'Allegiance', and you can immediately see the inferiority of this one. The body swapping there was just one element in a larger story, and they didn't reveal to us who the imposter was or what they wanted til the end, so it built dramatic tension as the crew realized what was going on. The way they did it here, with everyone saying to Tom "what's going on with you?? You're not acting like yourself!" BEFORE getting body swapped, and then totally believing in the imposter version, is just like. what?? It makes no sense! (Why did they even accept such a weak script in the first place? I don't know!) Screwing over Tom by making him suddenly act like an asshole for no reason, and screwing over all the other characters by making them so stupid that they can't even figure out it's not really him just doesn't make for great television. (Like B'Elanna wouldn't figure out she was being kissed by a totally different person?? Really?? And it was extremely creepy that it fades out to a different scene after that- please don't leave room to imply that B'Elanna could have gotten raped by the imposter. Especially with his creepy 'give my regards to B'Elanna' line to Tom later on, it just gives off really gross implications, and it's so fucking misogynist to use a female character as a prop for male characters to use or fight over, as though what actually happens to women is somehow less important than how men feel about it. I personally believe that it couldn't have happened, because for one thing, there's absolutely no way in hell B'Elanna wouldn't have figured out it wasn't Tom in that situation, but I hate that they put the ambiguity in there at all.)

And why wouldn't B'Elanna be just as interested in helping repair the alien guy's engines as Tom? Um, hello?! She's an engineer!!! She would jump at the chance to tinker around with a new type of warp engine! Just as much, if not more, than Tom would! These two both love ships so much, they should be bonding over that! What is this weird treatment of Tom & B'Elanna's relationship as though 20th century gender roles still exist?? The whole point of Star Trek is to break down those sterotypes, yet we've still got the show acting like 'oh of course girlfriends don't understand about guy things like fixing enigines!' REALLY?! When said girlfriend is literally A FREAKING ENGINEER!?! WHEN HER ENTIRE JOB IS FIXING ENGINES?!? I just can't with the depths of dude-bro-y-ness in Star Trek writers rooms sometimes!!

It was kind of fun when Janeway was body swapped and got to be evil for a scene, and I really think they missed an opportunity in not writing the bodyswap story for Janeway, since Kate plays it so deliciously. (Of course, they missed an opportunity by not writing a good story in general here, so whatever.)

And then, when they finally catch the imposter, they handwave away the ending with a captain's log saying 'The Doctor found a way to return everyone to their bodies'. How?! That's kind of a big deal! But everything else in this episode points to this guy just being a bad writer, so I guess we shouldn't expect anything from him. There's just so many plotholes and inconsistencies everywhere- if imposter guy (Steth? I think that was his name?) literally steals people's bodies, like physically swaps minds with them, then why was he reverting back to his previous host bodies form?? If he can't permanently take their forms, that would seem to imply he isn't actually stealing their bodies, but mimicking them somehow. And if he can't maintain his stolen forms indefinitely, how come the people he swapped with don't revert back to their original bodies after a certain amount of time too?? It just doesn't make any sense. (Also, how did fake Tom get into B'Elanna's quarters?? Real Tom might know the security code to her door, but this guy sure doesn't- and if he broke in, how would security not be alerted?? Plot holes, plot holes everywhere!)

All of this is so egregiously bad that I can't even enjoy the final scene, which actually would have been adorable if it had capped off a less terrible episode. Tom invites B'Elanna to his garage holoprogram and apologizes for spending more time there than with her, and they make out in the car. Which is cute if they had had a little tiff, but considering he'd yelled at her for no reason, and then she'd been just about assaulted by someone who she thought was him at the time, I just don't feel like this is an appropriate way to address the shit she'd been put through. This script treats B'Elanna like a prop with no feelings, makes Tom out to be an asshole, screws over both characters, fucks up their whole relationship, then glosses over it like it was no big deal. It makes me so damn angry. I need brain bleach to forget this whole episode exists again.

Tl;dr: A story that uses the body-swap trope in an almost voyeuristic way that's extremely unpleasant to watch. It messes with established characterization to the point that Tom seems like he's already been taken over by an alien before it even happens. Just plain bad all around.

[pistatsia]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@ciunasboinin thanks for tagging! This was such a fun to write 1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

27 works.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

197,001

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Blue Lock!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Birds and wings (kaisagi) (1965)

Kaleidoscope (kainessagi) (973)

dreams (noego supremacy) (737)

sun compression my beloved (kaisagi) (450)

pyrrhic victory (kaisagi) (367) and (for representation of some clear kainess) Flower Crown (351)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do! Sometimes it can take a long time because most of the time between university, work, language courses, immigrant problems, care for my flat and pets I'm partially dead, but I'll always answer. Though sometimes when I'm too tired I ignore really short ones (from five or so words) because I don't know what can I answer for that.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

pyrrhic victory (kaisagi). I still feel sorry for Isagi when I think about it. It's kinda OOC because of the circumstances I build there, but I still think that that's a quite possible acting for Isagi in that situation. He's just seventeen, after all.

As for kainess, then directly it's house of cards, and indirectly float: major spoiler below, skip italics block if you plan to read 'float'.

Because while Ness believes that "rules" (Ness is useful = Kaiser is not leaving him) which he and Kaiser have will grant him control… actually they mean nothing. The whole scene with spirits (when Kaiser brags about them foolishly thinking that he'll follow long-gone rules about human and gods) along with the loneliness theme is a huge metaphor for that. Kaiser will destroy everything on his path if he'd want to, just of pure boredom, and no rules will ever stop him. And, of course, one day this "everything" will include Ness.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

"sigh" probably Birds and Wings. I'm still occasionally thinking about orphaning it, but I won't do it since my friend will behead me in instant if I'll do that haha In my defense at that time it still wasn't clear how bad are kainess problems - they looked like two silly plushes, so Kaiser is much softer there, and Ness is in his mentally-stable era. Like, Kaiser still uses Isagi a bit, but also helps him a lot of course. This is explained by the injury that put his career under the threat and after which Kaiser is kind of reevaluating his life a bit, but of course now I realise it doesn't work that way with him haha. It's pure romance, basically. I still feel my teeth getting rotten when I think about the epilogue. As you may see, I don't really like it.

Through this was the fic because of which I've met one of the best persons in my life, so of course I'm also quite grateful to it!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

From myself lol Through I've never got anything bad from my commenters, everyone is always so sweet and nice.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I try to avoid it as much as I can haha. Don't like to write it. Through actually there's a lot of feelings and relationship aspects which can be shown through the sex, so it's kind of sad - I'd liked to be better with that. If I write then I try to finish it as fast as possible haha so usually they're rated M and have a really non-graphic smut. Sometimes that really affects atmosphere of the writing (in bad way), so for example I think it's visible in charity project (kaisagi), which just can't be written without a smut scene

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope, and not that I want to - maybe I did when I was younger, but I almost don't remember that time. Though I've mentioned Esperion from Ao Ashi in Birds and Wings!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, at least I don't know about that.

12. What's the longest you've ever spent working on one fic? And the shortest?

Longest - it's really hard to tell, since there are a lot of fics which I write quite fast but I think for months about the idea, settings and thoughts I want to show. Maybe it was Pilgrims (kainessagi), took so long for both research and writing. I've rewritten it multiple times, and at some point I had 12k words in my cut-out document and 2k in final one.

Shortest - I don't know, probably cyclicity (kainess) or summer in your eyes (tabiori). I wrote both of them in span of 3-4 hours. But again, it also involved a lot of thinking before haha

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, never. This may be interesting but it involves too high level of trust and organization between writers to do that

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Oikage once and forever.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have so much of them. I think "electrical dreams" for academic rivals kaisagi without existence of Blue Lock - I've been thinking about it since March or April. Isagi gets in German university in the last attempt to continue playing football, and Kaiser have lost both football and Ness because of his own overconfidence. They meet, but for both of them this moment is almost the worst in which they could have. Also there are awesome background tabiori. But it includes so much smut (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) And drama haha I've started it multiple times, but it just doesn't sounds right. Not sure if I'd be able to write it the way I want.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Oh… Not a good question to answer for me with all of my self-esteem issues haha But if I'd say about myself, most of all I love how I'm determining the central theme of the work and then build the whole story around it. I have few works where I allowed myself to be silly or simply writing angst of course haha, but mostly I take this part of writing really seriously, especially in the long works. The central point of my writings usually is absolute acceptance, and when I write it this way I really start to feel some hope towards myself as well.

For example, Kurana (Snuffy & Lorenzo if they met a few times before) is about how you never may know how your impulse act of kindness towards less-fortunate can affect one's life. How you can give someone hope and will to live by simply being a human. Birds and Wings are about how a single person, who finally believes in you can change your life in an instant, and how much of hope and self-esteem this can grant. How all of us are becoming better near the person who trusts us. And Pilgrims are about total acceptance of yourself, including all the bad and good and gray parts. That in the world so huge sooner or later of course you'll meet someone who'll understand you as no one else does, even if their experience is slightly different. That even in a world where you're alone one day you won't be.

Also my planning skills! I always write a plan before starting a long work, even with small one sometimes. Sometimes it changes in the process of writing, of course, but it's still nice to have a base like that. And I also write down there parts of dialog or small acts which I want to add. This can take weeks or months sometimes, but in result works becomes better than it may have been and much fuller.

And maybe the fact that I can force myself to write even if I don't want too or too tired, because else I won't write a single word in months :D

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh, I can rumble a lot about it haha. Sorry if it sounds kind of pathetic. But in short, I think it's either a weak English or the fact that in the end there's almost nothing which can be said about my works. I see that works with the same or lesser amount of kudos get 2-3 times more comments, and of course I'm jealous a bit of it because of my perfectionism, but most of all I'd just like to know why my works don't create similar wish to share the thoughts which appeared throughout the reading. What do they lack, what should I improve - I'd like to know that to become better. Maybe I'd like for a beta reader to read and criticize some of my works so I'd know where to dig, but again this requires a high level of trust.

I also think that characterization variety is my weak point - I'd say I have canon-like understandings of them, of course, which is shown for example in charity project or sacrifice (kainess), but I write a lot about same characters. And it will quickly get boring if I'd explore them from the same side. So my works often have entirely different characterizations, which especially visible with my kainess fics.

And the fact that I'm always trying to jump over my head in everything, and sometimes this badly affects the resulting work.

Also probably the fact that I don't read now as much as I did when I was younger, and of course this limits me in my writings. But usually I'm too tired to process normal literature. Through nevertheless I've almost finished Hesse's Steppenwolf and "The Orange Balloon Dog" of Don Thompson (through it's about art). Hope I'd had more time at the break between semesters.

I'm also almost unable to write something short just for fun (because I want to ✨show✨ something, but usually I don't have much to lol), and this really limits me. I have ~120 ideas in my drafts, but I would never write them because I know they will turn out too empty for my taste, and I'll dislike it the way I dislike some of my both posted and unposted works. Also it's hard for me to write works with more than 30k words, since I'm too laconic and can't make myself to add more scenes when I criticize myself that its 'unneeded' - even if it's purpose is to show development of characters relationships. The fact that I prefer to finish work first and only then publish it chapter by chapter because I'll afraid than else I would abandon it and disappoint someone just adds to it. Too short for maxi fics, too long for drabbles, the drama of my life.

But in the end of the day my main reader is me, and most of time I'm satisfied with my works! Of course there's a directions in which I want to evolve, but still the way I write now is the style I've always adored in other's authors works while I grew.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I know only two languages aside of the English (and basics of Czech and French which I've almost forgotten), and they can't be used in bllk fics. Once I tried to add something like that in German (when my friend who knows it a bit helped me) to Kaleidoscope, but this was a mistake haha

Through I know plenty of programming languages 🫡 One day I'll write Sae analyzing his famous statistics data in R and it will be the end for y'all.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh, I don't remember, this was so long ago. Probably Once Upon a Time or BSD.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

sun compression for sure - it gives me so much hope when I think about it. Love this feeling of soft calm wind filled with the sun after the storm - the feeling of serenity, if you get me. The feeling of recovering and starting a new life, leaving all the bad behind, finally looking into the future with hope. Still can't believe I've written something this beautiful. And I really love setting of Baden and kaisagi which I've written there.

[belovedgamers]

asks for you on your birthday! any combination of [ 🍄, ❄️, 🦋, 🪲] :D?

Hiii I answered this and it didn't save and I was devastatedddd and needed time to recover lmao. Anyway, take two :D

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

While running her experiments, Lizzie definitely forgot an appointment or two with Joel, but it all evens out because sometimes he forgets about the day it is because of his sculpting or building or--

This continues to today. There are things they definitely hold very dear and try to schedule around, but most of the time if Lizzie is like "we booked an ocean tour around evening and it's FULL of rich people sorry", Joel's reply is something like "ooooh, more time to work out the floor's tiling". They lead very chaotic and busy lives <3

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

I really want to read a fic exploring what Mythland's citizens were going through during the corruption arc, and how many likely left their homes behind. Could be a single family or even just a person, or many, really. I'd be especially interested in seeing these runaways flee to the Cod Empire (Mythland is vast, for some Helianthia would be too far, and Pearl has her own relationship with the demon that may not be super comforting to run towards). How do you choose to run to your enemy? Why should they take you? Where do you go? Is there already an established Mythic diaspora there? There probably should be! And how do these cultures connect or clash? What prejudices do they all have to unlearn?

As to for who'd write it, peradi or prolix, who each wrote one of my favorite Star Wars fics (have you heard and things we know by heart, both about storm troopers rebelling). Neither of them writes for mcyt though, which means I'll have to roll up my sleeves and figure out some more geography. Heh.

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

I had a completely different thing here, but it got sent into the aether, so a new topic it is.

A while ago I saw a post with someone very disappointed/frustrated with George R. R. Martin's response to "what's the solar system that causes superseasons?" The response was "it's magic". The poster said you need to have an idea of why your planet works the way it works in mechanical terms, not something that handwaves and dismisses it.

I've been thinking about that lately, with Empires. Do I agree with the poster? I'm not sure. This isn't a defense of Martin, I dislike the guy, but I do think if you're reading a fantasy series with prophecies and dragons and curses and sorcerers... you do have to, at some point, accept "it's magic" for an answer?

The way I see it in Empires, where there are dragons and prophecies and curses and wizards, monsters and gods and immortals, I think of magic as a force that affects the environment, sometimes in unquantifiable ways. If you're one of the people who loves playing around with the idea presented in the end poem that the universe loves you, and I am, then that's another alive force to consider. I would even say that relying on magic is useful when translating game mechanics into a world, and then you can figure out who has access to what kind of magic or how these spell castings differ.

But maybe I am alone in this? I don't know. I'm a "politics, language, textiles and food" kinda guy. If I'm asked to figure out a solar system or complex biological underground networks, I will start weeping.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

This will only make sense to you, or I hope it does. 53 words! Look at me go.

Umbra’s hands were warm. The memory is a punishment, these days. She used to reach out to him, his rough cheek held by her rougher palm, and smile. No, not smile, relax. She didn’t smile much, towards the end. A lot of details have faded, but not that one. He remembers that one.

It's no longer my birthday! Writer's truth or dare!