#in the song the singer realises that she has loved herself and she has been saving herself just by not giving up

[spicyicymeloncat]

I will never not be losing my mind over the funny hatsune Miku game. Why is the hatsune Miku game so deep actually I’m screaming

[ham1lton]

manifest it!

pairing: logan sargeant × famous singer!reader.

faceclaim: mariah carey.

warnings + summary: nothing. mostly fluff!! logan is a big simp and in his y/n era. he’s kinda real for that.

author's note: i had sm fun with this prompt!! hope u enjoy it <3 also i realised i might have spelt his name wrong at some point but ignore any errors. as i said… we die like men 😘😍.

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liked by taylorswift, logansargeant and 1,937,828 others.

yourusername: miami!! you were incredible!! thank you for letting this gal perform for you. my new album is a part of my heart and i’m so happy to share not only the album but the documentary of the behind the scenes. love you all and i’ll see you soon!! mwah! 🦋.

view all 89,937 comments

user1: BEST VOICE OF THIS GEN!!!

user2: the lyrics on butterfly are making me cry. her pen is LETHAL y’all.

user3: why is logan liking her pics…

-> user4: no seriously 😭 like ariana?? what are you doing here??

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liked by y/nswifey, logansargeant and 170,092 others.

y/nstyle: some of y/n’s formula one outfits!! i’ll link the origins in my bio 🦋💕 which is your favourite?

view all 78,837 comments

user1: oh that carlitos girl was right…

-> user2: our girl is gone….

user6: the first one ate down. one thing about y/n is that she loves herself some sunnies.

user3: no why is no one questioning that logan has been following this account for three years??

-> user4: he’s one of us.

-> user5: for style inspo duh…

-> user3: girl i doubt he wants to dress like y/n… he just wants y/n 😭😭

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liked by kerrywashington, celinedion and 1,928,838 others.

yourusername: winning the grammy was the second best part of the night. the best was having someone dear to me to celebrate it with. sorry my speech ran over @grammys. can you blame a girl? thank you to everyone who supported me with this album. my team, my producers, my band and my incredible backing vocalists. you brought this to life.

and to my supporters. i want to thank you all for being the sweetest people and so incredibly nurturing as i wrote this album. thank you for letting my album last 21 weeks at number one!! i’m still shocked!! i’m gonna sign off now because i have to celebrate but mwah! i’ll see you all soon on the butterfly tour! 🦋💕

view all 108,738 comments

user1: no softlaunch for our girl. she straight out said ‘shoutout to my boyfriend logan.’ she’s so real. we love this for you queen.

user3: BUTTERFLY TOUR!!! im gonna have to fight with logan for the damn tickets now 😒

-> user4: when you’re in a y/n stan competition and your opponent is logan sargeant 😨😨.

user2: y/n dating a delusional fan is so real… that means i have a chance with charles leclerc!!

-> charles_leclerc: no you don’t.

-> user7: unprovoked 😭😭

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liked by landonorris, yourusername and 282,928 others.

logansargeant: happy birthday my love. two years together and a lifetime to come. you’re the girl of my dreams and i’m so glad you chose to spend your life with me. love you butterfly 🦋💕

view all 27,738 comments

landonorris: ain’t no way you’re dating thee y/n….

-> yourusername: believe it bitch 🦋💕.

-> user1: NOT THE BUTTERFLY EMOJI 😭

-> oscarpiastri: i didn’t believe it either but he must have gone to the tom holland school of manifestation.

-> landonorris: logansargeant ME NEXT ME NEXT ME NEXT 🙏🏼 🧘🏽

user2: BEST COUPLE EVER.

user3: all those gifts?? damn… she’s getting spoiled as she should!

user4: favourite song on butterfly?

-> logansargeant: that’s like asking me to choose between my children 😨

-> yourusername: it’s breakdown 🦋💕.

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[onlyangel4]

Are you able to do a lando smau. Where the reader is a singer and she releases a song, dress by Taylor swift, pretty much admitting that’s she’s in love with lando and they’re like childhood friends or something. If you aren’t that’s ok👍🧡

dress. ln4. smau.

lando norris x best friend!reader

a songwriter puts every life experience into their songs, it is no different for you. but putting out a song that is about how you are in love with your best friend might complicate things. especially when you know he is going to hear it.

faceclaim: dylan

y/nfan posted a story

written: y/n just played an unreleased song at her show in birmingham. i will not spoil the song but it is steamy af. sounds like mother might have a man.

ln4updates

liked by user1, user2, user3 and 56,092 others

ln4updates: we are getting lando y/n crumbs this weekend. an interviewer just asked lando what he thinks about y/n's rise to success and he said, "i am so incredibly proud of her, i feel like we have been supporting each other so much throughout the years. she used to come help me set up for karting races and i went to small pub gigs that she performed with. i am so glad that she is finally living her dream like i am."

view all 582 comments

user1: lando y/n admit you are madly in love with each other challenge

user2: he always lights up whenever he talks about her it is the cutest thing ever

user3: i am new to f1 and i had no idea that lando knew y/n and now i am finding out they have known each other since they were ten year old omg

user4: my fav f1 friends

y/ninsta posted a story

written: what do we think? do you guys deserve new music this week?

landonorris replied to your story: you have a new song coming out that you haven't shown me?

y/ninsta: i wanted this one to be a surprise

y/ninsta

liked by landonorris, sabrinacarpenter, gracieabrams and 765,283 others

y/ninsta: i am delighted to tell you that my new song, dress will be yours at midnight. this is a song that i wrote at 2am on a sleepless night. i am incredibly proud of this song and i hope you guys love it as much as i do.

view all 12,739 comments

landonorris: can't wait to give it a listen

comment liked by y/ninsta

sabrinacarpenter: so proud of you

y/ninsta: thank you my love

user5: we all know this is about lando right?

user6: finally someone is saying what i have been thinking

y/nlandofan

liked by user7, user8, user9 and 23,485 others

y/nlandofan: chat are we all thinking the same thing?

view all 176 comments

user7: i fear we might be

user8: it has to be about him

user9: it is her best song yet but she has deffo outed herself for having feelings for lando

f1wags

liked by user10, user11, user12 and 45,983 others

f1wags: singer and childhood friend of lando norris y/n y/ln spotted in the paddock ready for race day. this is the first time she will be spotted with lando after releasing her new song, dress, which fans are speculating is about lando

view all 862 comments

user10: i really hope they are dating

user11: y/n is in the paddock, maybe lando does actually have a chance at winning

user12: mclaren's good luck charm is back

ln4updates

liked by user13, user14, user15 and 168,981 others

ln4updates: holy shit what a grand prix! lando won with a 22 second lead and we have lando y/n confirmed. at the end of the race lando's radio message said, "y/n i know dress is about me, i love you" and then when he got out the car he ran straight over to her giving her a hug before throwing his helmet off and kissing her. my heart is so full i love this couple.

view all 3,495 comments

user13: omg omg omg

user14: war is over

user15: that radio message made me cry

user16: y/n just sobbing into his chest omg

landonorris

liked by y/ninsta, mclaren, oscarpiastri and 1,283,723 others

tagged: y/ninsta

landonorris: stream dress

view all 39,837 comments

y/ninsta: omg that pool party picture is from my 21st birthday

landonorris: that was when i realised i wanted to be more than friends

mclaren: mum and dad

user17: the fact that the official mclaren account is commenting this is so funny to me

user18: the couple we all need

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

TAGLIST SIGN UP SHEET

taglist: @formulaal @formulaonebuff @danielshoe @noooway555 @dilflover44

@peterholland04

@sunshinedaisy21

@nikfigueiredo

@fall-bambi

@mel164

@lando-505

@charllleclerc

@paigem00

@heavy-vettel

@pseudoyo

@simple-soul-searcher

@lyannesworld

@wordesthatics

@toldyouitwasamelodrama

@sltwins

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@gothicwidowsworld

@pear-1206

@scorpiodiosa

@charlesgirl16

@marshmummy

[sterredem]

Obsessed

Oscar Piastri x singer!reader

Face claim Olivia Rodrigo

Warning stalking (online), not proofread, Speling mistakes

Summary y/n is obsessed with her boyfriend’s ex.

A/n We are just gonna say that Lilly’s account is public… so that everything makes sense.

Also this may be more of a Lilly x reader the an Oscar one… it’s also a bit short… and this is probably the only fic you’ll get in a bit

Instagram

120.124 likes

F1.Gossip BREAKING NEWS: Our favourite young couple, Oscar Piastri and Lilly Zneimer has reportedly broken up! After their 4 years and a bit realation the couple found out that they where better of as friends then being together. Many hard are broken after hearing this news, but they claim that they are still friends. We wish them both the best with their careers, and we with them the best in future relationships.

View all 2.234 comments

User1 NOOOOOOOOO😭😭😭😭

User2 I don’t believe in love anymore😭😭

User3 WHYYY?!?!💔

User4 Hearts ♥️ been. Broken 💔 Too. Many. Times ⏳😭😭

User5 MY FAVROUTE COUPLE😭😭😢

User6 Why am I so upset at a couple that I don’t even know😭😭

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Twitter

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Time skip

Twitter

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Real life

Y/n knew she was crazy. It was actually sociopathic what she was doing. She was stalking her boyfriend’s ex girlfriend.

And not stalking stalking. She was not following her in real life… just on social media.

She was just going through the girls instagram photos, looking up everything about her, wanting to know everything that there is about the girl.

Beside that she was also looking at old Twitter threads, shortly after the break up was leaking by a gossip account F1 Twitter went crazy, they loved the couple. They made comments upon comments expressing their hard break at the news, they also still make post dedicated to Lilly and her achievements. And it tore the singer apart.

And she has to admit; lily is perfect.

And that was the worst ever.

Lilly was sweet, good with kids, talented, smart, funny, gorgeous and genuine. And maybe even far better than herself.

She now knew almost everything about her: her star sign, her blood type, her family, hot what school she goes to and on what class she was in. She knows that she slept on her side of Oscar’s bed (which didn’t make her feel good). And other things that Oscar had told her, with them knowing each other and being friends while they were dating and him finding comfort in her after the break up.

And she knows it was crazy; they broke up. They don’t even speak anymore! But still, every time he says her name, Y/n can’t help but think that he mistakes herself for his ex.

So she has to admit, she is jealous.

She always knew she had some kind of a problem, but this?

She thought about Lilly 24/7. If you knew how much she thought about the girl, you’d think she was in love.

And if you’d know how much she looked at her pictures, you’d think that they were best friends.

And that was the moment she realised: she was Obsessed with Lilly Zneimer, her boyfriend’s ex.

And not obsessed in a normal way, she wasn’t just jealous of the amazing girl, no.

She had a had a whole white board dedicated to her: all the things she liked, the things she did, the clothes she white (thanks to the fan accounts), the people she hangs out with, her hobby’s, her go to food places, everything.

She was really going crazy.

Not that Oscar knew, of course he didn’t. If he did he would break up with her for her sociopathic behaviour.

After realising that, she knew there were few things she could do.

So she walked through the house to her music room, she sat down, and begin writing.

She needed to stop with the obsession, and the only way for that was music.

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Instagram

Liked by LillyZneimer and 2.964.624 others

Yourusername SUPRISE! My new song ‘obsessed’ is out now! The music video will be out midnight est!!

Thank you @DanielNigro With working with me on this!

View all 264.275 comments

OscarPiastri Excuse me??

OscarPiastri Why didn’t I know?

Yourusername …suprise…?

SabrinaCarpenter AMAZING (but also…?)

GracieAbrams Another banger!!

Laufey The best song ever!

Conangray Girl, check your msg

User7 HUH??

User8 This ganre swich is INSANE! but I love the rock!

User9 Dare I say that this is about… Lilly

User10 Y/n in her stalking era

User11 Nit Lilly liking this😭😂

User12 The aesthetic😍

User13 Oscar didn’t know??

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Instagram

212.543 likes

Celeberty.Gossip After recent speculations that Y/n Y/l/n’ new song ‘obsessed’ is about Lilli Zneimer (Oscar Piastri’s ex girlfriend) The pair was seen hanging out and shopping together. Is the song about someone else? Is there a sudden new friendship? What is going on?

View all 3.765 comments

User1 OMG?!

User2 the line about them being best friends?

User3 Or about them being in love??

User4 I don’t know what’s going on but I love it!

User5 They look very good (together)

User6 I ship…

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No part 2… open ending!!

[smooth-perceval]

“Make the world go away”

Charles Leclerc x Fem!Reader

Summary: The reader is struggling after going public with Charles- reader has a breakdown when Charles returns home.

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of depression, reader hating herself a lot- a lot of body shaming, death threats, Charles being so sweet, a lot of tears, fluff, my bad writing.

Word count: 2,041

Music: Make the world go away- Duffy.

Key: Y/N (Your name)

A/N: I’ve been feeling a bit off lately- and there was no other song to describe how I felt than the one I have tagged- it’s a cover by Duffy, original singer Timi Yuro if I’m correct <3

THIS WAS RUSHED I HAVE A VERRYYYY GOOD CHARLES SERIES THAT IM STARTING AND IM EGER TO GET THE FORST CHAPTER OUT BY TOMROROW EVENING!!

Enjoy!!

Charles and me went public roughly 3 weeks ago- not officially public, but I mean it’s official in the sense I had been spotted with him during race weekend- and not exactly in a friendly manner, wrapped up with one and another at the back of his garage- stealing sweet kisses and adoring smiles.

I’ve attended races before- been in exact same spot before yet this time we got caught, and well-

My, oh my you should’ve seen the headlines…

-Charles newest trophy,

-Leclerc at it again,

-Leclerc’s mysterious girl.

-The Ferrari driver and the other woman.

The other woman? It’s been a year since his ex and him announced their split- somehow I’m the other woman? I mean give me a break…

Seriously, give me a break- the hate I’ve received for liking a boy was just unreal. Charles was a saint in their eyes- but me? Oh I was the wicked witch of the west, I somehow bewitched this boy into wanting me- it was all my fault!

Overtime the hate as always gets too much, and now I find myself every night finding a new flaw on my once perfect body. A new feature on me I didn’t realise was so disgusting until that one user online commented about it.

I found myself stuck in rotation infront of a mirror I used to once love admiring myself in. The same old mirror that now shows a broken girl, struggling to breathe like I was drowning in a pool of hatred. The world weighing me down sitting like devils on my shoulders, always reminding me that I am not good enough for the world.

Not ever good enough for Charles.

And just like a routine I was stuck in crying myself to sleep every night and ensure Charles that I was fine, “I’m just tired” I was tired truthfully, I was tired of it all, I couldn’t take it anymore- I hated myself for not loving me more, I hated me for not loving Charles more, I hated me for not being perfect for him. I hate me.

I finally urged myself to get in the shower tonight. Not only the fact I needed one- but because Charles was soon to arrive home, and I had to wash off every piece of evidence that I’ve been feeling so lost and alone.

As the night rolled on more, I laid in bed- Charles robe tied tightly around my body hiding the matching black underwear set, hair still wrapped up in a towel. The mirrors were avoided- I knew for a fact I looked terrible, but couldn’t bring myself to confirm it. My eyes were glued to the time on my phone, expecting the guy I need is such desperate times to walk through the door.

Another 10 more minutes and his back to being mine. Sighing to myself I rolled my head to the side the towel coming loose and sprawling across the bed, finally catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and like a trance I found myself sliding off the bed and over to the exact mirror, watching myself like I was hunting me down. The girl in the mirror wasn’t getting away again, she had to be judged.

My damp hair dripped behind me leaving a little trail from the bed to the mirror, some wet strands sticking to my face. With a huff I brushed them back before untying the robe, revealing my semi-naked self, my bra strap sliding down with the robe- and like my hair I brushed it back up with a defeated sigh.

Moving side to side, I observed every crease in my body, every mole, every dent, every scratch. I observed everything- stepping away from the mirror I took in my entire body, it was horrid. What did Charles see in me?

The girls he could have and he chose me- I feel sick looking at myself, I don’t know how he must feel… I hate me. I hate that nobody thinks I’m perfect for him, perfect for their Charles.

Lip quivering, and my cheeks slowly getting wetter by the moment, I slid my hands over my stomach and hips- my skin feeling rough, biting my hands at every movement.

Eating me alive- and with shallow breaths I glanced away from the mirror trying to regain some control over myself. The shallow breaths soon eased, and I finally felt like I could breathe again.

Like I wasn’t suffocating anymore, or that the room wasn’t getting smaller and as soon as I could breathe I looked back at myself once again.

“mon chéri-” (my darling)

Spinning around on the spot- caught in the act I stared at a very confused Charles.

“What are you doing?” A little smile on his face as he stepped in the room, forgetting his suitcase and bags behind him.

“I didn’t hear the door go-” swallowing the lump in my throat I quickly crouch down scrambling to grab Charles robe from the floor.

Charles had moved further into the room crouching down to my height. “And even so you still haven’t welcomed me home.” His smile grew even more teasing as he placed his knee onto the robe holding it down.

“Charles move over-” a fake laugh left me as I tugged away at the robe, more self conscious by the second.

“Where’s my kiss?”

“Two seconds let me just cover up-”

“Do I have to kiss you hm?” Raising his eyebrows he brushed my damp hair over my shoulder.

“Charles move.” Looking up at him with a glare, I pulled hardener at the fabric underneath his knee.

Now furrowing his eyebrows, he lifted his knee watching me, like a lion stalking his prey, eyes glued to me just like I was not long ago in the mirror.

Quickly scrambling away, I pulled the robe over me quickly tying it even more tighter around my waist, abruptly standing up.

“Sorry… I didn’t meant to raise my voice.” Chewing my lip anxiously, looking down at Charles, still knelt on one knee, on the floor beneath me.

“What was that all about?”

“What? Me raising my voice?”

Shaking his head, he now knelt on both knees raising himself up a little, his head at waist line as he looked up at me.

“You practically begged for this robe.”

His face showed no emotion. Truthfully he looked like he was still piecing together what just happened. “I was just getting cold that’s all- come stand up so I can welcome you home-” rubbing my hands through his hair, I slid my hands to either side of his face.

And like in a trance guided him to his feet, him now standing tall above me.

“Welcome home” leaning up onto my tip toes I kissed his lips softly.

Charles lips didn’t move against mine, they was stiff. He was now stiff.

“You’ve been crying.” Closing my eyes, I pulled away from him stepping back.

“No I haven’t long showered Charles.”

“I know what this is.” Nodding his head with surety he stepped closer. Guiding his hands to my hips and pulling me in, both of us now inches apart.

“Take it off.” His hands now found the strings of the robe pulling them loose.

“Charles-”

“I’m not asking Y/N.” With tired eyes, they silently begged me to re-undress. Mine? They filled with tears once again, lip trembling as I tired to hold it all back.

“I’m so sorry Charles…” looking down at his hands watching him intently, them now brushing the robe back off my shoulders and back onto the ground, kicking it aside.

Gulping to myself Charles now moved, looking up quickly wondering where he had gone, I then felt his presence behind me. “Look at you.” He brushed my hair over the other shoulder, now resting his head on the bare one, hands now resting on my hips again.

“Look at you mon chéri.” (My darling)

“I am looking at me…” sighing I tilt my head slightly, the tears making their way down and dripping off my chin.

“Why you crying?” His hand reached around wiping both cheeks and cupping my jaw, bringing my head to tilt his way.

“Because-”

With a delicate kiss to my cheek, he then stared at me through the mirror.

“Use your words Y/N”

With another loud sigh, I finally gave in. Pushing my back closer into his chest, his arms in an instinct manner wrapped securely around me holding me tight.

“I’m not good enough for you Charles.”

“Who said so?”

“Everyone says so-”

“My maman thinks your perfect.” Smiling a little at me his hands started caressing my body.

“I think your perfect.” He placed a gentle kiss to the top of my spine and slowly trailed kisses down it.

“I just want them all to leave me alone…” looking up at the ceiling I bite my lip, to stop more tears, and to suppress any other emotions wanting to escape.

“Who?” While once again knelt on the floor he grabbed my waist softly twirling me on the spot.

“the whole world.” Subconsciously my hands now rested on his shoulders squeezing them tight.

“Make the world go away.”

Smiling sadly up at me, his head placed itself resting against my stomach, arms hugging my legs, like a child.

“Get it off of my shoulders.”

Wrapping my arms protectively around his head I bent slightly trying to lower myself to his level. He was quick to move, now throwing me over his shoulders and moving over to the bed, and ever so softly placing me down. Throwing the towel that was once wrapped around my head somewhere else in the room.

“ma jolie fille” (my pretty girl)

Charles started placing sweet kisses over every inch of my body, whispering sweet nothings between each kiss.

“Do you realise, how absolutely gorgeous you are?” Now hovering above me, one arm supporting him up, the other tracing small circles on my inner thigh. Clouding my thoughts.

“Do you realise, that no matter if you was a worm-” pausing he rolled his eyes with a smile, reciting when I asked him a few weeks ago if he would still be with me if I was a worm.

“You do realise I would still love you with my whole entire heart and soul?”

Leaning down his lips brushed mine, hand now stopped moving- but gripping onto my thigh kneading it slowly.

“I’m not good enough for you Charles…” breathing hitched, not for holding back tears- better yet holding back a moan, Charles had me wrapped around his finger always, and the way his making me forget the such hate I have had, and the emotions I have shed. Made me love him.

“You right.” Like a shot to the chest- I started to close up.

“You more than perfect for me.” Sighing a breath of relief, my arms wrapped around his neck pulling him a little closer.

“Je t'aime Y/N.” (I love you Y/N)

Once again my breathing hitched, and my heart skipped a beat.

“I love your smile, your eyes, your nose, your lips, your ears, your neck, your shoulders, your chest, your stomach, yours legs, your feet, even your toes. I love you.”

Eyes welling up I sighed in a bliss.

“I don’t think I can ever stop the hate mon chéri… I wish I could protect you from the world truthfully. But I make you a promise that for every day I’m breathing I promise to love your heart- and fill it with pure utter happiness and love. Whatever them people are saying are wrong, and even if you looked like your little worm, I will still love that caring heart of yours.” (My darling)

Leaning down to my chest, he kisses just between my breast so gently, like if he didn’t my heart would break.

“je t'aime aussi Charles.” (I love you too Charles) Finally with a genuine smile on my face I rest my head back comfortably into the cushions.

“Now let me show you how much I love you.” Biting down on the middle of my bra he pulled at it teasingly. Causing me to giggle.

“let me welcome you home mon beau garçon.” (My pretty boy)

A/N: Okyyy it was very rushed but like I said I have a Charles x Fem!Reader series coming outttt and I wanna let you all have the first chalter as soon as possible!!!

Masterlist

[corrodedcoffins-blog]

First impressions

main masterlist

older!eddie munson x popstar!reader

note: takes place october 2023

word count: 1 k

Y/N L/N’s voice was a constant in Eddie’s house with his daughter, Isla, being a huge fan. He most likely listened to Y/N’s album more than the singer herself had. And as soon as Y/N L/N had announced her tour Isla had been begging for tickets. And one thing about Eddie is that he would do anything for his little girl, so he patiently waited for when the tickets would go on sale. And when they did, he was busy. Of course.

Eddie, even though he has been out of the limelight for a decade now, he never stopped working in the industry. He now was a producer, and god he loved it, he may have loved it even more than being a recording artist. 

So of course he was working with one of his favourite clients, finishing a song they had been working on for a while now. Working past their set hours of today. 

He had only learned he missed the tickets, completely forgetting it was today, when Isla comes barrelling down the stairs of their New York penthouse.

“Dad! Tickets were today! Did you get us some?” Isla said, hastily, clearing having been waiting hours for her Dad to get home. 

Eddie on the other hand can’t believe he forgot, it’s just been the only thing Isla had been talking about for the last few weeks. He felt awful, he never wanted to disappoint her. So he lied. 

“Of course I did, Sweetie!” What else was he supposed to do? When Isla jumped into his arms in joy, he almost didn’t even feel guilty. Almost, because now he had to think of a way to get himself out of this. 

“Oh, my god! Thank you, Daddy! I have to go tell Jenna!”

As soon as Isla was out of Eddie’s sight, his slime slipped right off his face. He had to jump right into action. Being in the industry helped, but being a legend to the industry helped more. Eddie emailed his team, to try their best to get tickets, spare the cost. When they all came back empty handed, he went onto his next order of business, getting in contact with the woman herself. Now he couldn’t exactly get into contact with her directly, he messaged her team. Which in his opinion was close enough. 

Y/N’s team had responded first thing the next morning, sharing a more than enthusiastic response, saying he and his daughter could even have backstage passes. At that Eddie couldn’t wait to tell Isla, not only would she be going to Y/N’s concert, that would also get to meet her idol.

-

Today was the long awaited day, the day of Y/N’s concert. It wasn’t only Eddie and Isla that were excited for tonight's show, Y/N’s team had told her today that Eddie Munson, a rock legend, and his daughter would be attending her show. Y/N always gets nervous before shows, but knowing that Eddie Munson would be in the crowd and that she would be meeting him after the show, caused an unforeseen amount of worry to form in Y/N’s stomach. 

But as usual all the nervousness and worrying thoughts left as soon as she played the first note of ‘emails i can’t send’ as the concert began.

-

Eddie did not expect to enjoy the concert that much, the music itself wasn’t exactly his style, but it was the presence that Y/N had on stage that captivated him. And it was at this point Eddie realised he had never seen a picture of Y/N before, and god was she gorgeous. She had this beauty that ran deeper than just her looks, her smile redacted warmth and her kindness shown through when she talked to the crowd. 

Eddie naturally felt awkward about his attraction towards her, she was easily 20 years younger than him, his son had a better shot than he did. But that sure as hell didn’t stop the thoughts that came into mind when Y/N sang her more explicit lyrics. 

And with Eddie’s new found attraction towards Y/N, it only made him nervous for their meeting after the show. 

-

Eddie and Isla were currently walking down the hallway they were directed to, with Isla leading the way. And when Y/N came into their view standing at the snack table, drinking a bottle of water, Isla ran up to Y/N not being able to contain her excitement. Eddie in the meantime, having a reaction to seeing Y/N of his own. Eddie froze, his breath caught in his throat.

“Hi! Oh god, I can’t believe I’m meeting you! Can I have a hug?”

“Of course, sweetie. You’re Isla right?” Y/N said, pulling Isla into a tight hug.

“Yes. I can’t believe you know my name.” As Isla was having an existential crisis, Eddie spoke up, finally having the courage.

“Hi, I’m Eddie. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yes, you too! My parents love your music.”

“Oh, that aged me.” Eddie joked back, with no real offence in his voice. Though he did place a hand on his heart to seal the deal.

“No! Please, you’re not that old. You’re what 35- 40” Y/N said, looking into Eddie’s eyes, her cheeks spread in a wide smile.

“Now I know you’re kidding.”

“No, really I’m not. How old are you?”

“46.”

“No!”

“Yes.”

While the two had their little back and forth, Isla recovered from her crisis, and watched the two adults that were clearly both into each other. So of course in true Isla fashion, she did everything she could to make her idol, a possible new step-mom.

“He’s single too.” Isla blurted out, she’s never been good with filters.

“Isla-”

“Is he?”

“Oh- I- I’m not- you’re not-” Eddie stutters, not knowing exactly how to respond to that.

“Well, I’m staying in New York for a couple weeks, you could call me?” Y/N says, having no idea where this new found confidence of hers is coming from. But nonetheless runs with it, grabbing a napkin from the snack table the trio was standing by and writing for number on  it before handing it to Eddie.

“Um, I have to now. It was so lovely meeting you Isla, and it was great meeting you Eddie..”

[jpmarvel90]

PR Relationship

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Word Count: 3110

Relationship: Scarlett x Singer Reader

Summary: Y/n and Scarlett are in love with each other and have a secret relationship that only a select few know about. Things change when Y/n finds out that Scarlett may have her eyes on someone else.

(I do not own the rights to the lyrics, I just think this sounds fits the story perfectly. It’s Secret Love Song by Little Mix.)

Y/N’s POV:

For the last 3 months, I have been dating the beautiful Scarlett Johansson. However, as she hasn’t come out yet, it was a complete secret with only Lizzie Olsen knowing the truth. At first it didn’t bother me at all. It was exciting. The sneaking around was fun and trying to sneak dates and kisses without being caught was exhilarating. But the last couple of weeks have started to get tiring. If ever I stay over, she’s kicking me out at like 5am so I don’t get caught by the paps, we never travel anywhere together and I’ve lost count of the amount of times she’s totally changed her demeanour around me because someone has walked by us.

Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand that Scarlett is scared of coming out. I’ve already done that and it wasn’t easy. I would never push her to do anything she’s uncomfortable with. But it’s starting to hurt, it feels more like she’s hiding me rather than protecting herself. Thing is, I love her and I’m willing to wait for her. Which is the problem, I’m scared this might break me.

So here I am, 4:30 in the morning tiptoeing around her bedroom getting ready to sneak out. I don’t want to wake her, she’s been so busy at work she deserves a good rest. I throw on some sweatpants and a hoody whilst picking up my underwear from the floor after last night’s activities. I leave a gentle kiss on Scarlett’s forehead before slipping out of the house, unheard, into the early morning.

As I’m sat in my car I can feel the exhaustion seeping through my body. I had been spending most nights at Scar’s which meant I was only getting a few hours sleep and it was starting to catch up with me. I’ve got to be at the studio at 8am so I decide there is no point in heading home. Instead I make my way to the beach to watch the sunrise and go for a swim. There’s no better way to start my day. Well other than getting to sleep in my girlfriends arms past 5!

I get to the studio early and I start having all of these thoughts in my head which I start to collate and write down. Lyrics forming as I write. I’ve not felt this inspired for a long time

We keep behind closed doors

Every time I see you, I die a little more

Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls

It'll never be enough

It’s not until I start to pull the lyrics together that I realise how much this whole situation is hurting me. By the end of the day it’s all starting to come together, the quickest that I have ever written a song. My team love it and are already planning for me to sing it on Jimmy Kimmel. I push back though. It’s not fair to Scarlett to hear about my feelings through an interview. But writing the song has helped, I’m feeling better already.

As I get into the car I check my phone. I’ve not spoken with Scarlett all day. That’s not unusual as for us though. But a smile forms on my face when I see a message from her.

Scarlett:

Hey Babe, thanks for this morning. I really needed that sleep. I know you’re in the studio all day so can’t talk. I’m working late but perhaps you could come over tomorrow? Love you xx

Me:

Hey Scar, no problem, you need your sleep! Tomorrow would be great. Love you too xx

The next evening I’m sat on the sofa in Scarlett’s living room her legs draped over mine as we watch TV. She has her laptop resting on her legs finishing up the last bit of work before she’s done for the day. I’m just sat scrolling through my phone when I seeing articles popping up about Scarlett and her new partner. We’d been so careful to not been seen together in more than a friendly capacity. In fact, by the way we act in public you wouldn’t think we were that close as friends.

But then my heart stops, the articles aren’t referring to me but Chris Evans. What the fuck?! I can feel my heart beating faster like it’s going to beat out of my chest. Then I click on one article, “Co-Stars Scarlett Johansson and Chris Evans spotting kissing on a dinner date.” A photo accompanying it. That was yesterday! I sit up with a jolt feeling like I was going to be sick. My God she’s cheating on me and she’s not even trying to hide it!

“Hey what’s wrong Babe, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Scarlett says concerned looking over her laptop to me. I try to speak but I can’t form words. I can see her starting to get worried as she puts her laptop down on the table and goes to put her arm on my back. I’m quick to pull away and just throw my phone in her direction. She looks at the screen and her eyes grow wide.

“Y/N this isn’t what it looks like, I swear. Please..” Running my hands through my hair I stand up not even able to sit next to her. “I mean it looks like you’ve got your tongue down Evans’ throat. Not sure what else it could look like Scarlett!” I say coldly trying so hard not to yell. “Is this why you hid me? Not wanting anyone to know. Am I the dirty little secret to keep until you have Evans?” Pacing round the room I can feel my chest get tighter and my breathing becoming erratic.

“NO! I’m not cheating on you Y/N, I love you!” “THEN WHAT IS THIS!” So much for not shouting. I can feel my heart breaking in two. “Please just let me explain. With the new Avengers movie coming out our teams thought it would be good PR if we got some rumours going about being in a relationship. We had lunch and dinner dates here and there making sure to look like a couple for the paparazzi. I promise you Y/N there is nothing going on.”

I immediately stop my pacing, turning to her in disbelief. “So you can’t tell anyone about me, but you’re happy to go along with a fake relationship for you movie. Great, good to know where I sit in your priorities. Did you even consider telling me, it’s weird but I would have understood? Instead I find out by finding a picture of you kissing!” I can’t stop the tears anymore, but I won’t let her see me sob.

“Y/N please…” Scarlett grabs my hands trying to get me to look at her. “I-I can’t do this anymore.” I whisper pulling my hands away. “Wait, what do you mean? Y/N?” she says in a scared tone. “I’ve spent the last 3 months doing everything you ever asked. I never pushed for you to do anything you were uncomfortable with, even if it was at a detriment to me. I was waiting for you to be happy in yourself that you could share us with the world. I have always put your first. I knew this could break me and it has. I need to put myself first this time as it’s evident you won’t.” Turning my back on her I grab my things and walk towards her door.

I can hear her running up behind me and she grabs my shoulders spinning me around. “No, you can’t go. I’m so sorry Y/N, I love you, please you can’t leave me. Don’t go we can work this out.” Looking in her eyes I can see the pain. Her cheeks are stained with tears. “We don’t need to work anything out Scar, you do. I just hope you find happiness one day without having to hide yourself way.” With that I walk out, my heart tearing from my chest. A part of me just wishing that one day she might be ready for this relationship as a whole.

Scarlett’s POV:

I had really fucked this up. I hadn’t slept for days and had shut myself away, calling in sick to work to avoid seeing anyone. I had never felt pain like this. Y/N was my world. I love her with all my heart. I had always intended to tell the everyone but it just felt too hard and she was so great at giving me time. But this PR relationship with Chris was by far the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. This isn’t me, I don’t intentionally hurt people but it feels like I did with Y/N.

Whilst in my cave of self-pity and depression I hear banging on the door. Dragging myself up I find an angry Lizzie stood there with her Wanda head tilt. Shit that’s terrifying! “What the fuck Scar?!” She huffs pushing herself into my house. “Well hello to you too Lizzie” I half chuckle. “You broke her when all she has ever done is put your first. I warned you that you needed to be honest with yourself or you’ll lose her.” She’s angry but her tone softens when she sees the state I’m in. “Geeze Scar when was the last time you slept?” She said pulling me in for a hug. “I can’t sleep without her.” I whisper tears starting to form in my eyes.

We move to the sofa and she takes my hands in hers. “From what I hear, Y/N didn’t get much sleep with you. Staying up til God knows when with you then being kicked out at 5am. Did you not notice how tired she’d been?” I just shake my head in shame. “I’ve screwed up Lizzie and I don’t know how to get her back. I’ve told my team I won’t go ahead with the fake relationship anymore but I know I need to do so much more than that to show her I’m in this for the long run.” I don’t dare even speak that I’m terrified that I’ve lost her forever, in fear that speaking it will make it true.

“Scarlett, you need to decide what scares you the most. Coming out and fearing people will see you differently, or losing Y/N, the woman you are madly in love with, for good. Just don’t take too long in making that decision or it could be too late.” She pulls me into a hug and we lie together on the sofa. “I miss her Lizzie” I sniffle. “Well, she’s performing on Jimmy Kimmel. How about we watch that?” I nod and she grabs the remote switching over to her performance.

Y/N’s Performance:

Jimmy: Performing her latest single, please welcome to the stage, Y/N Y/L/N!

The lights dim with a sole spotlight shining on Y/N who is sat at a piano. She starts to play as the notes ring out through the studio.

We keep behind closed doors

Every time I see you, I die a little more

Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls

It'll never be enough

As you drive me to my house

I can't stop these silent tears from rolling down

You and I both have to hide

On the outside where I can't be yours and you

Can't be mine

But I know this

We got a love that is homeless

Why can't I hold you in the street?

Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't it be like that?

'Cause I'm yours

Why can't I say that I'm in love?

I wanna shout it from the rooftops

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't it be like that?

'Cause I'm yours

It's obvious you're meant for me

Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly

Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep

But I'll never show it on my face

But we know this, we got a love that is homeless

Why can't you hold me in the street?

Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't we be like that?

'Cause I'm yours

Why can't I say that I'm in love?

I wanna shout it from the rooftops

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't we be like that?

'Cause I'm yours

I don't wanna live love this way

I don't wanna hide us away

I wonder if it ever will change

I'm living for that day

Someday

When you hold me in the street

And you kiss me on the dance floor

I wish that we could be like that

Why can't we be like that

'Cause I'm yours, I'm yours

Oh, why can't you hold me in the street?

Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't it be like that?

'Cause I'm yours

Why can't I say that I'm in love?

I wanna shout it from the rooftops

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't we be like that?

'Cause I'm yours

Why can't we be like that

Wish we could be like that

The lights faded as the camera zoomed in close enough to see that Y/N was crying before the stage went dark and the audience erupt in applause.

Scarlett’s POV:

Lizzie and I just sat there in silence. I could hear the pain in her voice and it hurt me to know that it was me that caused it. I was pulled out of my trance by Lizzie squeezing me into a tight hug whispering in my ear. “If this didn’t help you decide then I don’t know what will.” She was right, the only person who I care about is Y/N. I’m not scared anymore. I’m going to win her back.

I’m up all night with Lizzie working a way out that I can come out and show my love for Y/N. An Instagram post didn’t seem like enough and a press release was too impersonal. It needed to be something special, and that’s when Lizzie came up with a risky but perfect plan. I just hope that she could forgive me and we can start out lives together a fresh.

Timeskip

It was a week later and here I am sat in the back of Y/N’s limo. She just doesn’t know it. It’s the night of the Grammy’s and Y/N is up for an award. I’m so proud of her and it’s time to show her that she is my number one priority. Lizzie’s grand plan so far had worked. We spoke with Y/N’s team and I explained the whole situation. Her manager was surprisingly nice about and said that it explained a lot about her behaviour recently. She had agreed to arrange a secret plus one for Y/N. I would wait in her car to surprise to walk down the red carpet with her, as her girlfriend. I just hoped she wouldn’t kick me out on the curb.

My heart rate starts to pick up as I hear her talking as she walk towards the car. God I’ve missed that voice. The car door opens and she gets in letting out a slight sigh as she sits. It takes her a moment before she notices me sat there with a nervous smile on my face and she jumps “Jesus Scar, you scared the shit out of me.” We both let out an awkward chuckle. “What are you doing here?” She asks not quite able to maintain the eye contact. This is it, the moment I win my girl back.

I put my finger under her chin and lift it so she’s looking at me. My God she is breathtakingly beautiful! I then take both of her hands in mine taking a deep breath “Y/N. Since the day I met you, I knew I was going to fall madly in love with you. Every day I spent with you I fell more and more in love. No one has ever made me as happy as you do. I know it’s only been 3 months but I know you are the women I want to spend the rest of my life with. I screwed up, I know I can’t take that back. I was so paralysed with fear about coming out and people’s reaction to it, that I didn’t think about you and our relationship. I just let you carry on making the sacrifices for me. But today that changes. I love you with all my heart and I’m not prepared to lose you again. I am so fucking proud of what you have achieve this last year. You deserve everything you are going to get tonight. And…. If you’ll have me… I want to be there for you every step of the way. No more hiding. I want to walk down that red carpet on your arm as your proud girlfriend. And then I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you.”

There is a long silence as her eyes flicker between my own trying to get a read of me. I hope she can see how sincere I’m being, that I mean every word that I’m saying. “Don’t hurt me again. I don’t think I can survive if you do.” She whispers. The biggest smile appears on my face as I reach up and put my hand to her cheek wiping away the stray tear. “I promise I won’t. Can I kiss you?” I ask. “You never have to ask Scar.” And with that I pull her into a passionate kiss. I have missed her lips connecting with mine. It makes me feel complete. “You look absolutely beautiful Y/N. I’m so glad I get to call you mine.” She laughs and pulls me in for another soft kiss.

As we pull up to the venue Y/N grabs my hand. “Are you sure Scar? I don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret.” I look at her and smile. “The only regret I have is not telling the world how much I love you sooner. Let’s do this.” The fear is gone, I’m only excited now. As the door to the limo opens, I see the start of our new life together.  

[widow-maximov]

Hi, can I request a Nat x fem!reader oneshot where the reader is singing Russian songs she's heard from Natasha's playlist while doing mundane tasks ie paperwork, washing up dishes etc. The reader not knowing a lot of Russian doesn't realise how explicit the songs are just casually sings them in front of the whole avenger's team splitting the group with the members who can speak Russian finding it hilarious and those who can't just thinking it's a good song and Natasha's just sat there with a whole array of mixed emotions but is mostly impressed with how well the reader is singing.

Thanks in advance :)

Russian Songs

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

Warning: The usual tags I don’t really know what other tags would go here, just enjoy :3

Summary: After being moved away from missions and doing everyone's chores. You wanted to be more productive, but was that a good choice?

Word count: 2.7k

A/n: So I couldn't find any explicit songs per say, but I hope this song will work, it's very hard to look for songs in another language, anyway I hope yous enjoy.

My requests are always open so feel more than welcome to pop in a suggestion for the next story :3

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

You were known to be a singer, well that's around the compound of course, you weren't brave enough to sing in front of thousands of people.

You loved singing all your life but your passion for doing good was too strong and it won over your life. If you were honest, not many knew about your singing ability.

It's not like you would be parading around and singing, it was mostly when you were doing mundane tasks, or when no one was around. It was like your little secret you didn't want to share with the group.

Even after dating Natasha for 2 years, she still had no clue you could sing and she was a spy so that was surprising, that was until recently..

During training with your redhead girlfriend, she has been putting light music but most of it was in Russian, meaning you couldn't understand anything.

It almost sounded like a challenge to you, to learn that song by heart and because it was catchy so you wanted sing it properly and just enjoy what it meant.

But that was exactly that, you didn't understand it so you didn't know what you were learning, even though that didn't stop you, you still learnt it- Well some of the words.

Somehow you ended up doing all of the chores in the tower, actually there was a reason, Natasha along with Tony came up with a 'punishment' for you.

Your own girlfriend came up with a punishment for you, it was because you ended up surrounded by hydra men, who had you tied up and ready to transport as way to kidnap you and use you to get out what they wanted for the Avengers.

It wasn't even your fault, Shields information was misleading that you ended up in the wrong section of the building, with tooo many armed men and you knew you didn't have a chance so you were glad when Steve along with Bucky were sent to help.

That's how you ended up doing months of cleaning, instead of missions, meaning you cooked, cleaned like washing up, paperwork of your teammates.

Natasha was nice enough to leave her own paperwork to herself to not over work you but that didn't mean you weren't tired, of course you stopped training with her as a way to show her you were mad at her.

But still the redhead knew, you wouldn't be mad for too long. When she found out that you were near to being kidnapped, she got scared.

The love of her life was in danger and she couldn't even save you. That's what got to her, that was the reason why she agreed to the punishment.

It kept you off the missions for a while, she knew you would be safe at the tower. Even if you were mad at her, giving her a cold shoulder most of the day, she knew you were safe.

Eventually she was going to talk to you, when things cooled off a little. But seeing how tired you were every night made her feel bad. She done this to you, with good intentions.

But maybe you didn't see it like that. Natasha never overthought before, she was there in the moment. But with you, she was afraid of losing you.

She loved you, so the thought of you getting brutally beaten, whilst she was so far away from you was taking a big toll on her. Seeing you clean and do everything else was easy to watch. To know that you were there.

That's what was happening right now. Everyone including you were in the living room. Well you was cleaning with headphones on, as after doing so many chores for months. You eventually got bored and just started to listen to music.

Helped to kill your time a little, whilst learning songs that you wanted to know. Being with the Russian has taught you some words. So whenever you heard a similar word you smiled, humming it silently.

Your back was to the door whilst you were washing up. In that moment the team went silence and your singing was exposed to everyone who had ears. Natasha's brows raised in amusement as she listened to what you were singing.

Everyone turned around to look at you. Half of the team understanding what you were singing and half was looking with confusion.

Tony was first to speak up. "Is she singing a Russian song?" He questioned as she looked over at Natasha.

She simply nodded with a big smile across her lips, she didn't know that her girlfriend was this talented. Thor smirked. "If my girlfriend sung like Y/n, I wouldn't even let her stop. I bet you are the same Natasha."

She would definitely beg you to sing for her many times if she knew that you could. She knew that you would be embarrassed about it but still follow through.

She still kept quiet as she listened carefully to your words. "Я заливаю глаза керосином...Пусть всё горит, пусть всё горит ( I fill my eyes with kerosene. Let it all burn, let it all burn )"

She nearly choked on the song choice that was spilling out of your mouth. Yelena, along with Clint, Thor and Bucky, looked over at Natasha for some sort of explanation. But there was none.

Yelena laughed, as she stared at her sister when you sang the words. "Выхожу на улицу гладить кота. А его переезжает тачка мента (I go outside to pet the cat. And he's being run over by a cop's car.)"

Shaking her head in disapproval. "What have you taught this poor innocent girl."

Natasha frowned. "That wasn't me. I mean I listened to this song whilst we trained but I didn't know she could sing it."

Tony was having the time of his life whilst he nodded his head at your singing. "Whatever it is, I love it. She will sing at the next event I have."

Natasha shook her head, knowing that when you find out what that songs means you'll be embarrassed to even face the team. Bucky smirked as he nodded his head. "I think that song suits you Natasha, maybe next time explain to your girlfriend what she is trying to sing."

You tried to sing the song perfectly but not knowing what it meant you mumbled most of the lyrics. Carol walked in as her jaw opened to hear the song leak out of your mouth.

"Why is everyone laughing? Someone tell her what she is saying." Carol walked over after waving at you with a fake smile.

Natasha sighed as she knew it had to be her. She nodded as she stood up, making her way towards you. Wanda rushed in as she heard it as well. Finding it all amusing at how you didn't even know what you were saying. Vision appeared, literally everyone was there. Tuning in on your conversation with the Russian.

Natasha gently tapped your shoulder, you looked over, saw her and went back to listening to the song. She sighed, yeah you were still mad at her.

She got closer, pressed herself against your back, taking the cloth out of your hand and the plate that you were wiping clean. Placing it all down as she spun you round to face her.

For a moment you forgot what you were mad about, this is the closet you two have been since the day you received punishment. Your hands hesitantly fell on her shoulders, whilst she took the headphones out.

"Y/n.. Sweetie.. Stop singing." She tried to say it nicely, but she set you off.

You narrowed your eyes at her. "Not only you ground me in the tower but now you're also telling me what to do."

"You know.. This is my choice if I want to sing or not. You can't tell me what to do." That was sometimes the issue with you. Instead of listening to why she said that. You put up walls and tried to deflect any attack on you.

She sighed as she placed her hand over your mouth, the other sat firmly on your hip. You loved when Natasha was dominant with you, it made her look a lot more sexier but not when you were angry.

"Not because I am trying to control you... But because you don't know what you are singing.." She approached it another way. She had to embarrass you for you to understand what she meant.

You swallowed thick at her words, eyes widen in fear at what your girlfriend was saying. So, she continued. "Have you even tried to look up the translation of the lyrics?"

You shook your head after Natasha took her hand away, this was on the Russian. She should've told you what it meant whilst yous were training. But she was so distracted by you and your body that songs just slipped her mind.

Her eyes darted towards the team, who somehow had popcorn appear in their hands. She narrowed her eyes at Wanda, who simply shrugged as she shoved more popcorn in her mouth.

That's when you got the hint that everyone heard you. Fear set when you looked over. You looked back at the redhead who had a cold expression across her face.

"Let me go. I need to go." You were slightly panicking, you never had anyone listen to you singing, you kept it quite quiet from literally everyone you knew.

Natasha's face softened up as she saw your panic. "Y/n it's okay-"

But you interrupted her. "Let. Me. Go." Your eyes flashes red and she moved away, causing you to storm out. Making the redhead sigh as she leaned back on the counter.

Moving to look at the team who now was looking anywhere but at Natasha. She rolled her eyes at them as she followed you out. It was easy to tell where you had wondered off. I mean she was your girlfriend after all.

As you sat on the balcony edge, looking down at the city. Natasha slowly made her way over to you. "Y/n.." She spoke softly, trying to get your attention so you don't get startled.

You sighed as you heard her, you knew she would follow you out here. "You know the whole point of walking out is not to be followed." You were bitter with right reasons.

It wasn't just the singing, it was the unresolved feelings that you both held. She knew that, she wanted to say something about it all the time but it never left her mouth.

She hummed softly, acknowledging your words. "I followed you out because I care Y/n."

You scoffed, rolling your eyes at her words. "I wonder where those words were, when I was punished for being the victim."

She knew you were right, how was she suppose to explain her feelings to you? It was all difficult but she had to. She took a deep breath. Looking at your side profile as she moved her hand over to yours. Gently taking it and intertwining it together.

"детка, I know you are mad. I would be too but I didn't do it if I didn't feel like it was necessary." Maybe it was the way she worded it, but that only made you more angry.

Your head snapped towards her, almost making her take a step back. "You're making decisions for me? Wasn't you the one who promised me that we would both take decisions as you never wanted me to feel the way you felt in the red room?"

That stung, but you were right. Natasha promised exactly that and she broke that when she decided your own fate. She sighed, feeling how you snatched your hand away.

Jumped off the edge and tried to make your way back inside the building, but Natasha had different plans for you. "I did what I did because I was scared."

Her words made you stop, you were still facing away from her but kept quiet so she could continue. "When I received the information that you were no where to be found. That your weapons along with most of your clothes were left at the scene. I thought I was going to die from how much fear I felt."

You never heard Natasha's voice that unsure. Her tone was always gentle and quiet when she opened up to you. Now you were facing the door as she spoke with an upset tone.

"It felt like the world stopped for a moment. The first thing I wanted to do was to rush over there but Nick stopped me. They knew that if I went everything could go even worse." She explained as her voice broke several times.

"I can't imagine my life without Y/n, how was I suppose to think straight when you were kidnapped. I knew you were scared I couldn't even be there." Tears were streaming down her face.

"I knew the second we found you, in that state of barely any conconse, I knew I needed you safely here. Where I could keep my eye on you."

"I know that I should've spoke to you about all of this, but I couldn't.." Her tone was just above a whisper. Yet you could hear her.

You turned your body around to face her. Tears sitting tightly on the edge of your eyelids as you stared at her. Maybe you didn't think this through.

Maybe you should've spoke to her after everything. You were so busy with trying to get over the traumatic experience that you didn't think how that impacted her.

The woman that you love with your whole heart. You were busy being angry at her for not comforting you when you needed it, when in reality it was both of you that needed each other.

A light sob came out of your mouth as you walked over to Nat. Hugging her tightly and melting almost instantly in the embrace. You missed her and you knew she missed you too.

No words were needed at this moment whilst she held you tightly against her. Like she haven't seen you for a long time.

You both were crying but you pulled yourself together. Pulling away as you looked at her. Sandwiching her face between your hands. "I'm sorry."

Her soft expression melted your heart and to be fair, if the Russian was honest. You were the only one who made her this open about her feelings.

She shook her head slightly with a small smile across her lips. "No, I am sorry."

You sniffled as her hands sat on your hips, holding you against her quite close. You could tell that she was telling the truth. You never had to doubt her from the way her eyes only looked for yours.

"I want to kiss you." Natasha choked out, letting a set of tears slowly roll down her cheek.

You smiled as you pressed your forehead against hers. Closing your eyes as you felt her breath hit your lips ever so gently. "What are you waiting for?"

She didn't need to say anything else, because thats all she wanted to do for the past months of you being angry. She wanted you close and just to feel your warmth against her lips.

She leaned in slowly as her lips brushed against yours. Feeling how soft your lips felt was really testing her. She missed you so much. Everything about you.

Zero thoughts were in both of your minds as all that you were really focused on, was feeling Natasha. Her hands tightly holding you, her lips against yours as you tried to keep your breath steady.

She pulled away just a little bit as she muttered out. "I love you" Before her lips collided with yours before you had the chance to say it back.

A slightly protest moan escape your mouth, you wanted to say it back but Natasha didn't let you. Her hands sliding around your body. Not letting you out of her arms.

The emotions changed quite quickly but could you blame yourself? You missed each other very much and being in her arms was the only place that felt like safety you needed right now.

Your fingers tangled in her hair and thats the only thing that was on your mind. The warmth-ish air breezing past the two of you as your embrace became more intimate.

That's what you loved about being with her. The power that you two can over come anything that stood in your way....

And make out whilst you are at it.

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

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[dxppercxdxver]

Hey! I’m in love with the spytown au you came up with and I’ve had some thoughts that could kind of connect

I’m writing a Hadestown Mashup AU and I got to covering Word To The Wise and His Kiss, The Riot, and I was considering thematically drawing a parallel to When The Chips are Down and Gone, I’m Gone, because narratively they’re similar.

In the song before each of these, both Hades and Eurydice are given choices, for Eurydice, Hades gives her the coins and for Hades, he has to choose to let Orpheus and Eurydice go.

Then in the Fates’ number the Fates then lay it out plainly in the way they want it to end, posing a question “What’re you gonna do when the chips are down/now?” and then telling Eurydice all the reasons she has to leave, making the decision easier for her, and telling Hades that he can’t keep them or simply let them go, and then the Fates dangle a solution in the face of their ‘victim’, for want of a better term, for Hades, it’s let the lovers go, but give them the tools to punish themselves, so his hands are technically clean and for Eurydice, it’s her ticket to the underworld.

Then Eurydice and Hades have solos about their choice before settling on a decision. I’m not sure musically on any similarities between Gone, I’m Gone and His Kiss, The Riot, but stylistically, they’re similar. They’re both quiet solo numbers for the relevant principal characters to sing about what their choice is. HKTR is a lot angrier and more rough and bitter, reflecting Hades’ character better than the mournful GIG, which reflects Eurydice’s reluctance to leave Orpheus. The key thing tying these together is the sense of despair and hopelessness as the singers know they have no choice but to go through with it.

The Fates know what needs to happen and make sure it does every time, they know what to say to Eurydice and Hades to get the right conditions for the Fated tragedy, no matter how many times they sing it.

Now think about this in terms of the Spytown AU, where Owen is both Eurydice and Hades. If we think of it in terms of an actual musical, this could serve phenomenally to highlight that they’re the same person, just stuck in a damn loop.

But if it’s a real event, it just hammers in the despair for Owen, who’s trapped by the Fates and it’s technically his fault, even though he can’t go against them, and then it’s a vicious circle specifically causing the loops as they’re the two main catalysts for the doomed walk. The first, when Owen is Eurydice!Owen, sending him there in the first place, and the second, assuring that the walk happens as intended, causing Curt!Orpheus to realise the cycles and turn, dooming them both to this over and over and over ad nauseam.

-Myth🦋

no all of this is exactly what led to me casting owen as both hades and eurydice

hades is a natural extension of what eurydice’s whole life has been leading to (clinging to everything she can keep her hands on, only to Major Extremes), just as persephone is orpheus’s traits amplified (placing positivity and Herself above the needs of those around her to some degree)

like. Yeah. these songs Are similar. and it’s Bonkers. madam mitchell i owe you my life

[esther-dot]

Hi Esther, I sent you an ask about Byronic hero Jon, and I'm soooo lucky you interpreted the ask the way I sent it, because I know anons can come off the wrong way and I realise it sounds like I'm ranting at you when I'm nodding along with you!!! 😭 Yes I sent you that ask because it's what you were already saying first, and you're completely right grounding it in Mr. Rochester terms and also of course you do have the famous Heathcliff. But I do think GRRM is doing his own thing with it, and to be honest the more I think about it, the more I wonder how it influences Jon's ending (or not). If anything Mr. Rochester's secret wife is more of a Rhaegar thing which Jon has to wrestle with, so I definitely think there's a mix of influences going on.

Although like you say, I think when you don't introduce this literary background you lose a lot about what is being said about Jon and Sansa (and Daenerys). I agree with people who say you need to understand fantasy of that era to really understand the tone of what he's going for, which is why I think GRRM is sometimes mean and sometimes writing one-handed, but I still think that background for Romantic characters is necessary.

It's no indictment on Jon if he has a long, moody face, and that's what I kind of love honestly. I think Rhaegar may have been handsome because he was both the crown prince and a Targaryen, and like Arianne expresses aversions to Targaryen features, it may have been divisive in its own way too, beautiful on the terms of conqueror-conquered. I especially enjoy the idea that Lyanna herself had that unusual wolf beauty to her, but beauty in women isn't a portent of safety after all; beauty is just another way girls and women are controlled, even if it superficially seems beneficial when attractive. So that there's some danger to beauty, and danger in Jon's face (Lyanna's, but maybe a hint of Rhaegar too?) hinting his ancestry but also disguising it through something that can be a comfort (Ned) for Sansa is really interesting to me.

(Continuation of this convo)

No worries, anon! For some reason, tumblr wouldn’t let me save, post, schedule for later, or add that post to my queue when I was writing it! I finally just exited the tab and when I got back on tumblr it would let me post an earlier, automatically saved version, as long as I didn’t try to edit it at all, otherwise I would have chatted more with you, because I had, in the version that wouldn’t post. 😅

I share your frustration with the fandom deciding that Sansa is shallow for being moved by beauty and then turning around and obsessing over poll results about whether or not their fav is pretty. I genuinely don’t care, but they clearly care a lot. 😂 I don’t like talking about the kids that way, I don’t think their appearance has anything to do with why we like them, but it just so happens that Jon and Sansa being very Stark and very Tully (look-wise) matters so here we are. And you’re absolutely right, Sansa has suffered a lot of unwanted attention because she is beautiful, so this isn’t exactly something Sansa fans take delight in.

We do get the different takes on Targ looks! For Rhaegar, I thought the emphasis was on his music as the thing that made people swoon? Martin has a thing with singers / someone singing a song seducing people that repeatedly pops up and that is the one thing we know about Lyanna’s feelings—his singing moved her. That’s a connection to Jon who reacts in a similar way to Ygritte’s singing.

I wasn’t even thinking about the secret wife thing being a connection between Rochester and Rhaegar, but bigamy was a popular trope in gothic lit and the sensationalist victorian lit that followed, so I definitely think that’s worth noting. As is the whole, family estate being destroyed in a fire, and of course, “madness.” That all would make me think the references are more about Rhaegar and Targaryen ancestry, less about projecting into Jon’s future, but depending on which spec you buy into, Jon could be in love with Sansa and forced into a relationship with Dany or potentially married to Sansa and still facing pressure from Dany to enter into a sexual relationship. If Martin wants to go dark, it’s possible the gothic “two wives” trope and the Targaryen two wives idea manifest in Jon’s own life with a twist. I still don’t see how the space for Jon and Dany to have much interaction so I’m not too fussed about it, but I certainly think it’s possible Dany sees Jon as an answer to her desire for someone to trust. 😬 Generally though, I don’t look at literary references as being a sure fire way of dictating how the story will go, but I think it’s fun to see how writers are knowingly or unknowingly influenced by certain things. I don’t know that Martin said “gothic lit has family estates burning -> I’m gonna send Summerhall up in flames” but nonetheless, there’s a reason why that would pop into his mind.

Thanks for the followup message, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on this!

[elfinbloodbag]

Here is an over-long bio for Ára, giving her history and personality mainly from before the beginning of BG3. I'll likely make small tweaks to this to improve how it reads, but for now I'm putting it out there because otherwise I'm likely to just keep adjusting for a millennia.

Full name: Áradíhena Vilyaló 

Name meaning: Áradíhena: forgiveness of the dawn, or merciful dawn – Vilyaló: of the air 

Pronouns: She/Her 

Race: High Elf – Sun Elf 

Age: 126 

Orientation: Bisexual 

Theme song: God Turn Me Into a Flower – Weyes Blood 

Playlist: Coming 

Class: Fighter / Bard 

Subclass: Battle Master / College of Lore 

Origin: Noble 

Alignment: Chaotic Good  

Ability overview: Áradíhena is a talented musician and singer, specialising in stringed instruments and having a strong preference for the lyre – through her learnings as a bard she has specialised in support and healing based abilities, as her family felt this was most fitting for a noble lady and would allow her to support a future husband. Her talent with a sword came much later in life, and was learnt very much through real-world experience. At this point in her journey she prefers to use a greatsword and other greatweapons. 

Other abilities: Áradíhena is an expert in animal handling and husbandry, as well as having some skill in painting and sketching. Survival skills were largely self-taught, but she has enough experience making her way outdoors at this stage to be proficient.  

Personality: 

Áradíhena is grappling a very deep-seated belief, and fear, that her only value is to make other people happy, and also that she can never do so and therefore will never be deserving of love. She is insecure, deceptive on an instinctual level, and, without realising it, has anger and resentment that is almost boiling over, as anger isn’t something she was ever permitted to feel for most of her life. She has a lot of strength when it comes to standing up for other people, and she has a particular fondness for those who have been mistreated by people more powerful than them, but, at least at the beginning of her journey, she has very little strength for herself. 

Her desire to please others has often led to her squashing parts of herself, the ones that she sees as negative – particularly her anger, and sadness. Anything that might make those around her uncomfortable is brushed away and ignored. That doesn’t stop it seeping through though, and means that when she is not in control of a situation, or feels that someone is going to break her shell, she can be vindictive and spiteful, but always masks it with pretty words. 

She is warm and kind to everyone, but this manifests in two ways, depending on whether it is genuine. The performance, which she has lived in most of her life and which she displays to people she doesn’t know or trust, and people who have power over her, and the reality, which through her journey she begins to reclaim.  

The performance is dignified and demure. The picture of grace befitting of a noble lady. This is what she was taught to be.  

When the mask slips and she comes into her own, after she has learnt her new friends will not abandon her for showing her feelings, she is lively, she can be fierce, she is extremely loyal and protective, she snorts when she giggles and gesticulates more than is “proper”. 

Ára is enormously compassionate, fiercely self-reliant, passionate, and holds herself to her own high standards, and will lie to ensure other people continue to see her this way. What she really needs, although she can’t admit it, is to be shown that it is safe for her to show negative emotions, and that she can be known in that way and still be loved. 

Likes: Sunrise and sunset, especially when there is frost or dew on the grass. The scent of fresh bread. Animals, especially cats. Decadence and lavishness (in clothes, décor, food, everything). Singing and dancing – she adores all music. Praise. Effective deception and one-upmanship (on her part).  

Dislikes: What she believes to be wrongful, or mainly cruel, use of power. People who don’t think before they speak. Lack of opinion (though she is very careful when expressing her own, and so is a hypocrite in this regard). Quietness, as she feels (or has learnt) it is her job to keep a conversation sustained. 

Fears: Losing control, feeling powerless, and being told she has done wrong, or not done well. Small places and confinement, especially in the dark. Most of all she fears not being enough for anyone. 

Quirks: As she becomes comfortable in a situation you can almost see her expand and fill her space in the world, using her arms and hands as she speaks, sometimes even pacing if she is thinking deeply about what she’s saying. It’s not uncommon to hear her humming in her sleep. 

Mental health:  Áradíhena has quite frequent nightmares about being found by her husband or her parents, and being choked to death. She often wakes up short of breath, gasping and wild eyed. Her self-esteem is also enormously low, having never really learnt to value herself, but also learning from experience that she is not enough to be valued by those who should be closest to her. She is also extremely claustrophobic, and even small things like struggling to get out of her clothes can cause her to panic. 

Favourite food: Sweet cheese tarts, especially served with berries 

Favourite drink: Crisp and light sparkling pink or white wines 

Favourite flower: Double Peonies and baby’s breath 

Height: 5’7”/173 cm 

Skin: Surprisingly pink skin – ever so slightly cool toned or at least it appears to be next to her hair, just edging beyond the usual skin colour range for a high elf, but nothing surprising when looking at the full spectrum that exists in Faerûn. 

Hair: Her hair is a warm toned pink/peach colour, and it reaches the base of her spine. It’s inclined to waves and curls at the bottom, where the weight of it hasn’t pulled the waves out. She often adds some intricate plaits at the crown of her head and above her ears. She says this is to keep her hair out of her eyes, and that’s partly true, but she also thinks it looks pretty, and is a reminder of the decadence of her former life – one of the few aspects she misses. 

Eyes: Her right eye is a dusty rose colour, striating from almost red to almost coral, but primarily a desaturated pink. Her left eye is a very light almost green colour, due to a past injury and subsequent infection that significantly weakened the muscles, so her iris is permanently thinned. 

Other: Áradíhena is quite heavily freckled and has moles all over, but especially over her nose and cheeks, and shoulders where she most catches the sun. She has several notable scars. One is large and jagged, running from her left shoulder up her neck and onto her cheek – this is an angry pink colour and was the result of a fight with her sorcerer father as a child. This injury resulted in the in her pale left eye. The other is a few thin lines across her neck, much paler as it healed a lot better, which was left when her husband attempted to strangle her with a necklace. 

Colour scheme: Pinks, peaches, soft oranges, lilacs, and rich reds – all the colours of sunrise! She prefers gold to silver. 

Fashion sense: Áradíhena resists retaining much from her old life, but her fondness of beautiful clothing is one thing she has kept. She loves intricacy – embroidery, beadwork, slashed sleeves and unnecessarily layered clothing. Velvets, silks, and satins will always have a place in her heart. 

She does dress reasonably practically – nothing that restricts her movement, and when it comes to armour she will take what she can get, but she likes to find small ways to customise her clothing. 

If she had her choice, she would regularly be able to wear gowns and robes, favouring low neck-lines and clothes that fall off the shoulder. She also very rarely wears necklaces, due to the strangulation incident. Where armour must come up to her neck, she makes sure there are no loose straps that someone could grab, and it’s not uncommon for her to become panicked if it is taking her too long to remove. 

Family: 

Baroness Finnaelah - mother - alive | relationship: estranged   As a child Áradíhena loved and admired her mother, but as she grew older the relationship became primarily cordial. Finnaelah would have said they were close, and had a good relationship, but that was because Áradíhena hid her resentment, and behaved as was expected of her – which was mostly cordially, great displays of affection were not proper. 

Baron Apeníthir - father - alive | relationship: estranged  Similarly to her relationship with her mother, as a child Áradíhena loved her father very much. But she was wilful, and one day wanting to continue her riding lessons rather than go inside to meet the boy who would later become her husband, her father lashed out, casting much stronger magic than was necessary for reprimanding a child. From then on her relationship with him was strained, but she never spoke back or showed her fear again.  

Viscount Fândûren - husband - alive | relationship: estranged  Áradíhena’s husband held her to an extremely high standard, expecting her to be the perfect wife on his arm. Always pleasant and agreeable. She expected her marriage to be potentially a little cold at first, though it had been arranged for close to 40 years, but she also thought it would be a place where she could, carefully, express herself, after having to bite her tongue for years with her family. This turned out to be completely incorrect, and she was never quite able to please him. She stayed in her marriage for almost 40 years, from when she was 50, to 88, but fled the night of the attempted strangulation. They are still legally married, but she does not consider him her husband. He has made efforts to find her and bring her home, as her family’s support in his business has waned, but she hasn’t had to try hard to evade him, and the rest of her family. 

Background: 

Ára was born in her family’s estate just north of Baldur’s Gate, and grew up between their house in the city, and that estate and its grounds. The Vilyaló estate is a large manor with a span of grounds and land, including some farm smallholdings and woodland where her father often hunted. This was her favourite place, where she was able to find a little freedom and as a child frequently escaped her lessons to the kitchens to play with the staff, who treated her kindly despite the way her parents treated them, and the stables, where the horses and the barn cats allowed her to curl up with them in a way her parents never would. Their house in the city was equally grand, but necessarily smaller than the manor house, and had much less opportunity for her to hide. 

When she was young, it would have been very easy for an outsider to believe that she grew up in a loving household, and in a manner of speaking she did. Her parents were truly, deeply, in love, adoring of each other, and they doted on her as well. But more as one dotes on a pet, or on a particularly useful employee. As a child she didn’t know the difference, and as much as a child can she tried to be good and proper and earn their approval.  

She strove to be the perfect daughter, learning everything she must to one day be a strategically important man’s perfect wife. She paid very close attention to her lessons in music and singing, in dancing, in history, etiquette, horsemanship, painting, managing a household – all her lessons. And she learnt her own lessons in addition: how to bat her eyes and smile just right so whoever she spoke to felt like the only person in the room; how to add the right amount of sincerity and hint of a sparkle to her voice to disguise disagreement; even how to assess her parents response to her white lies about why she was late and adjust accordingly. But of course, perfection is unattainable, and she was never quite able to satisfy them. 

At the tender age of 14, Áradíhena was finally to meet her betrothed, Fândûren, 17 at the time. This partnership between the two very wealthy families would be one of note, going a long way to repair ancient wounds from the Weeping War Ára had fled to the stables, fearing the reprimands of being disobedient less than the disapproving looks and deliberate distance from her parents when she missed a note, failed to curtsey low enough, or made another misstep in front of her new fiancé.

When her father came to fetch her she begged and pleaded and cried that she didn’t want to be married, even if she did have years, in a way she had not done since before she was able to speak. He made to drag her inside, grabbing her by the shoulder and intending to give her a shock of lightning, but in his anger at this first brazen display of anger and upset from his daughter used more power than needed. 

When she was 50 the two were married, and she moved into Fândûren’s home in the city. Finally, she would be able to experience that great closeness, that great love, that she saw in her parents, for herself. She had anticipated some initial awkwardness and coldness, but she knew what marriage looked like, or so she thought, but the coldness endured.

Again, she tried for many years to be the perfect wife. She accompanied him on various engagements into the city, helped him to charm the patriars who made up parliament. She had used her skills as a bard to lull him into sleep, and mend torn muscles after hard sparring matches. It was his great ambition to raise his already respected family’s estimations and carve out a place for himself amongst those who led the city. She saw the great warmth he offered to them, and the care he took with the women he brought back to their home – who he made no effort to hide from her – and once again was left to try desperately to earn that affection for herself. 

In the year of 1455 DR, after 39 years of marriage, he discovered one of her regular visits into the house’s kitchens. She had been taking some of her jewels to give to a kitchen maid, who had very recently had a child, and subsequently the father had disappeared. Ára had planned to gift a few necklaces she didn’t often wear to the woman, with the hope that she could sell some and comfortably raise the child alone, and maybe be able to keep one for herself, just to have something nice. But Fândûren arrived home early and caught her there. He had smiled viciously, backhanded the maid and dragged Áradíhena out by her hair. Once out of the kitchen, he snatched one of the necklaces from her hands, and ever-so-softly placed it around her neck, fastening it tightly. He had told her she looked lovely, before twisting it tight and choking her. When it broke from the pressure, gasping for breath with eyes feeling like they were about to pop, she fled. It was the first time since their wedding night her had touched her without the eyes of his peers demanding it. 

For the next 37 years until she was taken by the Mindflayers she had lived in the woodland outside of Baldur’s Gate. She had left all her belongings, her jewels, her dresses, her beloved lyre, so she eked out a living for the first few years, using what little she knew of the lands to survive. Gradually she claimed back one piece of herself: her voice, and she became known for it. It was not uncommon for travellers to hear ethereal song from deep in the forest. Some passed by not paying it any mind. others, often women or children, sought it out either in need of help themselves or hoping to help the owner of the voice. Still more, sometimes vagrants, sometimes drunken soldiers or guards, sought the lone voice for more nefarious means.  

Ára never found out what those more nefarious means were. When she saw them leer at her, or brush their hand over their weapon, they were as good as dead. Her first kill had been a messy, bloody struggle on the ground, where she sustained almost as many wounds as her attacker, but she had taken a thumb to his eye and claimed victory. Now she had his weapon, and she taught herself to use it. The stories of her helping lost children back to their families, or offering men and women without a home a meal to share, never spread. But the news of the monster in the woods killing “innocents” certainly did. And so, she became The Siren. 

Áradíhena’s signature scent has top notes of champagne and peony, middle notes of white peach and hazelnut, and base notes of whipped cream, vanilla, and cedar. She wears this religiously, and if she is unable to find this scent she will scour shops for scents with similar notes that she can combine. 

Áradíhena was born just a few minutes before sunrise - after her mother had laboured for almost three days - pink skinned and with a light dusting of downy coral hair on her head. As the sun crested over the rooftops of Baldur’s Gate, the light caught her hair which seemed to glow like the light – her mother laughed that she looked like the sun herself, and her father thanked the new day for bringing an end to his wife’s long labour – hence the name Áradíhena. 

She longs to return to the three houses she had hoped to call home, to see those few beloved servants who would still be alive, perhaps to liberate them. But the fear of seeing her parents and husband have always kept her away. 

Ára is extremely dexterous and takes to skills requiring intricate movement with her hands very well, such as card tricks and knife skills, thanks to her many years learning to play every instrument under the sun. 

She has some hoarding tendencies – she is very neat and tidy, but is also always on the edge of feeling that she may have to flee and fend for herself again, and so she likes to keep what she needs with her, and is always adding useful items to her pack when she finds them. 

[is-she-suffering]

29/04/2000 - KERRANG! MAGAZINE “New York Doll”

New York Doll

According to Courtney Love, Katie Jane Garside is the original Riot Grrl. According to her detractors, she’s a new age nutter with volatile tendencies. As her band prepares to storm the Big Apple, one thing’s certain - the QUEEN ADREENA frontwoman isn’t about to change for anyone…

“WE’RE ON a planet in the middle of infinity.” Katie Jane Garside observes, not unreasonably. “Nobody really knows what the hell is going on, but as long as I’m properly chewing on life, I’m okay. Happiness or sadness isn’t the point to me. That’s why it’s good to come to a place like New York. It keeps you right on the edge of creation. To realise your mortality is great.” Katie Jane is in New York with her band Queen Adreena to their first US gigs. The slender vocalist has certainly been chewing on life in the few hours since she arrived. Last night her performance mesmerised a 100-strong audience at Brownie’s club, after which the band moved on to a trendy, hole-in-the-wall bar in a rundown part of the city where a drunken Katie made such an arse of herself that she was put in a cab and sent back to her hotel by her bandmates. “I have no dignity today.” she croaks over a lunch of coffee and water in the Big Apple’s chic Paramount hotel. “I shredded it last night. When I’m drunk, to repress any of my urges seems like a crime against God. I can become quite dangerous to myself.”

IF YOU believe Courtney Love, Katie Jane Garside was the original Riot Grrl. In the early ‘90s, she fronted Daisy Chainsaw, whose screechy, punky rock was an innovation to Courtney and others. But there were problems. Because she didn’t write any of the songs, Garside left frustrated in Daisy Chainsaw. “I was unable to articulate myself,” she sighs. “It became a bottleneck of violence. I took it out on myself to a dangerous degree. That’s why I left. My silent witness, the one up there that sits by my right ear, just told me to out.” Spooked by the music business, she headed for the solitude of the Lake District where she stayed, along, for several months. “I went away to find what was at the bottom of the well,” she explains solemnly. “I had to be very quiet and far away from everything in order to hear something that wanted to speak to me. I just walked up and down mountains. That’s all I did. Walk and write and scream into the wind. It was very magical. When you subtract from your life, it creates an altered state just as drugs do by adding something. I was able to lost myself. On good days it was divine. I write from that place. It’s a personal mythology. It’s very real.”

She toys with the fake flower in her hair and gazing down at her feet. Momentarily, she’s lost. “Where am I going?” she questions herself. “Let me see…” A long pause. This happens often when Katie Jane Garside is grappling with a big idea like art or creation. She strives hard to be understood.

When she returned to London from the Lakes, Katie put a new group together with former Daisy Chainsaw guitarist Crispin Gray, plus drummer Billy Freedom, and tall, cross-dressing bassist Orson Wajih. Named Queen Adreena after a premonition of Katie’s, they have produced the most startling rock debut of the year in 'Taxidermy’, a record full of volatile emotions and uncommon beauty. “Music is the only thing that’s been consistent in my life,” Katie explains. “It’s been my sanctity, my lullaby that’s kept me same.”

KATIE JANE has never been like the other girls. As an army child, her adolescence was disrupted each time her father was posted to a new country. Always the new kid at school, Katie remembers: “I was very angry about something and I didn’t know what it was. I don’t think I was great to know.” Between 12 and 15 Katie’s family lived mostly on a boat in the Canary Islands and in the Caribbean. Now 31, her closest friend is her younger sister Mel, a singer-songwriter who also lives in London. “I don’t really know many people,” Katie shrugs. “I know my sister and usually about one other person at any given time. We’re very connected. In fact Mel and I are almost the same person.”

Katie feels the same way about the late Anais Nin, author of some of the most celebrated erotic writing of the 20th Century, although Katie prefers Nin’s journals to her erotica. “I love her,” Katie smiles. “Something strange happened to me when I read her. I met myself. You don’t often meet yourself. It gave me a lot of comfort. Her stuff is so timeless. Her diaries are extraordinary. She was really alive every minute of her life.”

DESCRIBED BY The Guardian as “a complicated heroine”, Katie Jane Garside is an unusual rock star. She gave up drugs, she says, because they got her into too much trouble. “I’m too open,” she confesses. “They’d finish me off.” In the past, Katie Jane has been written off as a nutter, but while many of the things she says will read like so much kooky new age nonsense in the pages of a rock magazine, when she speaks of the power of nature and her desire to be alone with it, there is a fire and a genuine belief in her clear eyes. “I’m very happy on my own,” she says.

“That makes it difficult to have any relationship with any sense of permanence, but it doesn’t make it difficult for me, it makes it difficult for them. It does make me sad, but I can’t be any other way. "My religion is nature. I’m at the mercy of it, and when I feel my best is when I feel most insignificant, when I become a grain of sand, nothing. That’s my religion. Everything is temporary. There is an omnipotence. I felt that in the most real way possible.” People hate me for saying things like that, but if you truly lose yourself there’s nothing that anyone can do to you. As soon as I see a no-go sign, I have to go there. “I’ve woken up and been God,” she says. “It was a long night when everything collapsed, and it wasn’t drug-induced. There is real magic. It’s something that manifests very visibly.”

ALL OF a sudden, Katie looks up. She has a story to tell. She thinks it probably won’t make sense if the story is printed, but she tells it in the hope that somebody will understand. “I was in a very difficult period of my life,” she reveals. “I was more frightened that I’ve ever been. I was walking on Hampstead Heath and I was singing to myself, and I looked up and saw a bird which I felt was looking right at me. "Then as I crossed over a bridge, this flock of birds descended on me. I was cloaked in it. I was crying and crying and this man was staring at me through this haze of birds. "This really happened,” she exclaims. “The God experience. I’m part of creation. I wasn’t born and I don’t die. I’m here forever. And in that moment the universe rushed to me and enveloped me and let me know that I’m not alone.”

[catcartwright]

Here is Cat, my new girl who is still figuring shit out

The Highlights:

Cat is a Cartwright sibling, she was adopted age 6 and been part of the family since then. She currently works as the manager at her mom's restaurant but dreams of being a singer. She's recently started an instagram and a tiktok and is gradually getting a following. She has a 6 year old little girl called Isla.

The Full Story:

Catalina was born Catalina Lopez, in fact she didn't belong Catalina Cartwright until she was 6. Her mother was still basically a child herself when she gave birth, and she never really managed to provide a stable upbringing for Catalina. They stayed on various people's couches and Catalina never came first, her mother's own problems took precedent. The system didn't really know of her existence until she started school, moreso because it was free childcare for her mother. However when she started school her teachers noticed things and made the relevant calls.

She spent four months in a foster placement before she landed with the Cartwrights. It took Cat a long time to acclimatise to the mere idea of a family. She'd never had anyone care for her, never had anyone who looked out for her, and she'd also never had to share. She was only six but she was fiercely independent, used to having to do everything for herself. Eventually though she realised how good it felt to be safe and protected, to be a part of something. Family became one of her favourite things, and she treasured it more than anything else. She wasn't exactly a typical Cartwright, but their differences somehow just made their family stronger.

Catalina didn't exactly thrive in school, English was her second language but she barely knew much of that or Spanish in the early days. She lacked a lot of the pre-school skills and that made everything else harder as she went on. She worked hard and she had a lot of family and external support to bridge the gap but she was never to be a scholar.

Her talents lied in the arts. She was a keen dancer and a talented singer and not too bad when it came to drawing. She signed herself up for the school musical and joined the cheer team when it came to High School. In the classroom she was a shell of herself, never confident in her answers or her decisions, but when she got to perform, it was like she was a whole different person.

After High School she worked as a dance teacher for a few years before decided to persue her dreams. She'd saved up a bit whilst teaching and living at home so she headed to Los Angeles, because that's where singer/songwriters went to make it big. There though she didn't find her dreams, but she did find love. It was the whirlwind kind of love, they were only in their mid twenties and nothing mattered except each other. It was a few years of great song inspiration but very little attempt to make anything of it, she was too wrapped up in her idea of 'happy'. Then it all came crashing down when Cat discovered that she was pregnant.

He disappeared, wanting nothing to do with her or the baby and so Cat was left alone in LA with absolutely no-one to depend on. There was really only one option so Cat packed her bags and moved back to Providence, turning up at her parents doorstep. Of course they sprung into action and supported her through everything.

She stayed at her parents for the year, they helped with the pregnancy and then the first few months once the baby was here, but then Cat knew that she wanted to stand on her own two feet. She got the two fo them a small rented place and got a job at a local restaurant as a waitress, her siblings and parents always on hand for babysitting

Now Cat works as a manager at her mom's restaurant, a job that she is proud to have earned. Now she has a 6 year old and she's unbCatevably proud of the person that her daughter has become. It's begun to hit her that her daughter is now the same age that she was when she landed with the Cartwrights. Her one goal is to give Isla the childhood that she never had, and so far so good. Somewhere along the way though she lost track of her own goals, and she's started to realise that if she wants to be a good rolemodel to her daughter, she has to show her to stick with what you love. Catalina has recently started a Tik Tok and an Instagram and is beginning to put her music out there.

[jagi11]

"Kashika" Appreciation Post

Something weird happened lately.

As some of you might know, I'm a Project Sekai player. And lately, VBS got a new event song, called "Kashika", or "Suspended Animation". It made a great impression on me and I think it's my new fav VBS event song. Like, it was very delicate, but had so much power at the same time! And as an MMD creator, I love this MV animation-wise - I think it really shows how creative the team has gotten over time. Like, words can't describe how much I love the Sekai version.

But then, the official version got released.

I've never been so speechless.

There is a difference between Sekai versions and official versions. When you have a Sekai version, you interpret the song through the characters. Basically, you can't fully appreciate ID Smile without knowing Mizuki's relationship issues and how they can't find a way to both stay true to themselves and live a good social life. You can't fully appreciate Bug without knowing that Mafuyu is constantly controlled by her mother, who's made her the emotionless and suffering being she is, and this is the "administraitor" she's singing about. And, just like that, your interpretation of Kashika relies on your knowledge of Akito's story.

The official - or "producer" - versions don't obey such rules. They're fully independent from their side of being "character songs". And that lets you perceive them differently.

What I like is that when both Ryo Haruka and Miku sing, it doesn't feel like they're just singing. It's not an MV for a song. It's a story. A story about loneliness, but wanting to live. And the music video also encapsulates it, to an unbelievable extent for a commissioned song.

Now, for lack of better terms, I'm gonna call the characters Rabbit Girl and Lizard Boy (I don't know if they have official names). They do seem to care for one another, but they both have problems that made them drift apart from each other. Lizard Boy seemed not to pay enough attention to the Rabbit Girl, and she didn't want to confront him about it, distancing herself instead. Lizard Boy has his ears covered, and Rabbit Girl doesn't open her eyes, except for when she casts the boy away. I think this is intentional, as it presents both of them as being unable to notice certain things, mainly about each other.

At this point I have to point out that I love is that the song is a duet of the producer and the Vocaloid. This isn't like the VBS cover. The characters do voice their feelings, through the singers, yet they don't have any, let's say, "tag" attached. I think this makes the song much stronger in meaning, as it can speak to anyone.

At this point in the video, the symbolism of the heart is very much present in the story that's being told. Both the characters seem to have a half of a heart-shaped gem. And this gem shows that they're incomplete without each other. In a similar way, I want to believe that all the other gems represent all the other people in those characters' life, mainly the ghost-like figures. Some of the gems are broken, some are pearl-like. All of them are important, all of them are formed into notes of a song. And yet one person sticks out. It's those two for each other, yet they drifted apart.

They both want to go back to each other. And when it happens, you really do feel the sheer power power of this song.

It's pitch black. The Rabbit Girl is at her lowest point. And at that moment, she realises that she made a mistake. That the reason for her rage was that she felt left out. And that she longs for connections with others. And so, she reaches out, letting the light shine through, opening herself to the Lizard Boy, literally, as he is let to go inside the giant body that the girl resides in.

The beat is there, they keep screaming, the chorus of so many people sings. I checked the wiki, there are 16 people singing at once, including VBS voice actors, various producers and Kagamine Len for God's sake. You can feel the sheer willpower of the Lizard Boy as he jumps in to see the girl.

And then, they connect, hug each other, and form a heart, an anatomically correct heart for the body to have.

They have been designed in such a way so that when they hug, they form the shape of a human heart. Which is not a cartoonish heart that's the symbol of love, not the one that was present throughout the whole video. It's a realistic one, one that gives life to the body.

The whole song was about loneliness. And about desire to live, even when you feel like you shouldn't. About wanting to move your heart.

They connected, and they made the heart beat.

So, you can say, connections make you truly live.

I'm a very pathetic human being, I tend to cry a lot.

Jagi's song appreciations series: [Magical Girl and Chocolate] [I’m Glad You’re Evil Too] [Kashika] [Bug]

[iammightsadyall]

To all the fanfiction writers out there, who like to write fanfics with a modern au or a social media au or a famous au or others like these, I would like to show you one of my favourite comfort movies, DJ Cinderella (2019).

This is the movie, it's on Netflix, it's Brazilian (it's originally called Cinderella Pop, but internationally it's called DJ Cinderella) and it's so good. It's the story of Cíntia Dorella, a 17 year old girl who's parents are divorced and she lives with her mom, aunt and her aunt's boyfriend. Her dad cheated on her mom with an awful woman who has 2 twin daughters around Cintías age and they hate her. They all go to the same school and their is this world famous live song singer that everyone, including her step sisters, love, besides Cíntia. Her aunt's boyfriend, Rafa is a DJ and he helps Cíntia work on her DJ skills because she wants to university to become a professional, her dad does not support her in this career path. Cíntia has dj-ed before and earned herself the name DJ Cinderella for her names similarity to the fairytale princesses. She gets an opportunity to replace her aunt's boyfriend for a DJ job and she takes it but when she gets there she finds out that her aunt's boyfriend unknowingly signed her up for a job at her step sisters birthday party. The world famous singer has also been hired to sing at the party. When Cíntia arrives she realises that if she wants to do the job she'll have to be disguised so she wears a mask. Shes doing her set when suddenly a guy starts talking to her about one of the songs she's playing, and she says that the song isn't her favourite and she doesn't believe in love after what happened with her parents,she tells him her name is DJ Cinderella, the guy reveals himself to be the famous singer and he like Cíntia a lot, but Cíntia's step mother threatens her that if she tells the singer who she (Cíntia) is, she'll tell Cíntia's dad about her DJ-ing. So when the singer, who's name is Freddy Prince btw wild name, asks for her to come on stage, using her stage name, and she doesn't come. After the show when he's getting ready to leave he finds one of her shoes and becomes determined to find her. He asks the internet for her to come meet him but Cíntia's dad has found out about her budding career and has taken her from her aunt's house to live with him and grounds her, she can't go see him. Their is a whole lot more of the story that I don't want to spoil but it's so good and the highly suggest it. It's funny, dramatic, their is quite a few hot people in it and I believe that it is the perfect blueprint for a Cinderella/Famous au fanfic. So watch the movie if you think that my description sounds interesting and if you want to add your fandom ship you think this would be great with and if you want tell an author you know, or heck write it yourself, about this movie so that I can finally see this movie get the attention it deserves. Sorry for the long ass post, I desperately want to see fanfics about this movie. If you do write about this movie, please tell me

[existentialmagazine]

Review: Faith Zapata’s tender new indie-folk single ‘wallet picture song’ begins with smitten love and ends retelling heartbreak at its rawest

Loved by many for her diaristic writing style, the indie folk singer-songwriter Faith Zapata has found herself continually capturing audiences with her tendencies to share what others would keep close. Reminiscent of artists like Lizzy McAlpine and Phoebe Bridgers, Faith continues along the same path with intimate feeling releases and even more personal narratives, connecting herself with a world filled with others’ looking to relate.

Her newest single ‘wallet picture song’ is expressed by Faith as the product of friendship and collaborative efforts across various distances, stemming deeply from her own heart-wrenching experiences while other folks lend their instrumental talents to enable such an emotional takeaway through sound too. At first it’s simply close to the heart, softly unfolding through Faith’s staple acoustic guitar strums, fuzzy and warm while completely fragile and tentative all at once. Her careful vocals float through the gentle atmosphere, lightly carrying into higher notes while her paired-back performance limits the power in her lines, a tender delivery of words that ache as they retell a love now wilted and left in the past: ‘he keeps a picture of me in his wallet, there’s a word for how I feel but I don’t know what to call it.’

Continuing to develop in sincerity with the additions of viola and violin by Emma Bieniewicz, the verse of ‘wallet picture song’ remains private and stripped-down but all the more haunting in its growing developments. From the drawn-out strings, an aching melancholia seeps between the acoustic tones, wistfully reflecting on both the beginning and the end of a relationship. With lines carrying multifaceted meanings, Faith sings ‘how do I know if I have really found the one?’ , at first a line filled with love and yet later a devastating loss to bear. It’s even more agonising to hear as Faith reveals that the first verse and chorus were written at the height of what they had, originally intended to unfold with a brighter, more upbeat strumming pattern that of course lost its spark in the same way as their love did too. This contrast continues into the chorus of course, as the sound hauntingly lingers with a padding of hazy backing vocals, gorgeous strings and lighter guitar, closed out by the line: ‘I’d never felt real love before ‘til I met you.’

From this point onwards, the track shifts in its lyrical retellings, maintaining the same sombre sound but suiting Faith’s words much more understandably. From the admission that ‘he keeps the secrets from me in his pocket, and there’s something I should say, but I’m not ready to call it’, it’s clear that things progressively sunk, at first a fairytale romance but later realising the rose-tinted visions had left her blinded to the lack of trust that had been brewing. It’s still hard to let go of a lover even through these blows though, with Faith’s lack of readiness something we’ve all surely related to at least once, hanging on to something that’s long expired because we cannot face the reality of cutting it loose. Plentiful questions fill her mind as she now asks ‘how could I have been so blind to it, how could I have been so dumb?, blaming herself when in reality it is human to trust and expect the best from someone that supposedly loves us. Filled with the pain and rawness of this entire unexpected breakup, Faith’s lines are some of the most authentic we’ve ever heard, written so clearly amidst her lowest point and resonating with so many for covering it so true-to-reality.

As the chorus shifts to reveal ‘I’ve never grieved the way I did, when I left you’, Faith completely changes the narrative of ‘wallet picture song’ from start to finish, a journey of love and loss quite literally in real time. It’s hard to hear and yet the hurt is what makes it even more moving, offering a familiar tale for anyone finding themselves in the same spot, clinging onto Faith’s words as you pull yourself out of it too. Give it a listen here to really understand what it is this gorgeous single has to offer, as it truly is much more than just a song, embodying parts of herself for everyone to clearly see and understand.

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

Photo Credits: Unknown

// This coverage was supported and created via Musosoup, #SustainableCurator.