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autumnblogs · 3 years

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Companion Piece 1: John’s Poem, Absence, Dads and Final Bosses

So, both days so far, I’ve called attention to the Prose Poetry that Andrew puts into these character introductions. Here’s a friend’s unedited response to my lack of fully-formed ideas.

More after the break.

(Credit to Argon Stratos)

First, I’d like to say that I put a lot of stock in BladeKindEyeWear’s Classpect Theorization, so I think that Argon is on point here when they talk about Breath as Change. Breath is also motivation, and communication - it’s one half of a mediating pair along with Blood.

As a Hero of Breath, one of the strongest influences on John’s life is external motivation. He scrambles all over the place as an agent of chaos, but nearly always serving as an instrument of someone else to accomplish their goals. A little bit like a mailman, John is always receiving orders from someone, and delivering them to someone else. It’s no surprise that in the three years he spends on the Prospitian Battleship, John gets stuck in the emotional doldrums.

I’ll probably form my thoughts more fully on John and the absence of motivation in his life as this reread continues, but Absence itself is a major presence (ha) in John’s life and I think it’s safe to say that the Conductor here is Lord English.

In addition to being the Ultimate Final Boss, Lord English is also a symbol of Dads of all kinds - specific Dads, like Bro Strider, Grandpa Harley, and Dad Egbert, and more generally, the Patriarchy. (I promise I’ll have more to say about Lord English as Dads and the Patriarchy later on)

In any case, it’s not an accident that the very first Boss fight each of the characters faces is against their guardian, and the way John scrambles around his house doing everything there is to do in every room is reminiscent of the way that you or I might scramble around doing every sidequest and dungeon in Skyrim instead of following the Main Quest and going to kill the Black Dragon Whatshisname. Anduin? Arduin? Alduin? It’s one of those.

Each of the Beta Kids in Homestuck has some kind of adversarial relationship with their parental figure, which we can consider something of an abstract if we read Homestuck as Andrew’s thesis about parental relationships. John’s situation, as Rose is quick to point out, is pretty mild compared to even her own, but I think John’s Poem gives us a glimpse into the way that he feels about his own Dad, something which is eventually reproduced on a mass scale in the form of the Ultimate Dad Lord English - John feels distant from his Dad.

I’m a huge fan of Dad Egbert so it’s hard for me to rag on him too much, but he’s a single parent living in capitalist America, and for all of the good things there are about him, like his overwhelmingly supportive posture towards John, I think we can read out of the text that Dad is emotionally unavailable and distant from John. Never to the extent that Bro is toward Dave, but his main form of communicating with John is through cards that he leaves throughout the house, and through gifts of Cake (which John does not like, and which I think I’m probably going to develop as being a symbol of corporate hegemony because of its relationship with Jane Crocker and the Condesce, the latter of whom is a stand-in for megacorporate hegemony over our lives as employer, and as peddler of mass media, the former of whom is a victim of cultural reproduction by the latter. It’s probably significant that all these cakes Dad is baking for his son are cookie-cutter corporate products, whether he makes them with love himself or not.)

There’s some emotional distance between John and his Dad, and he spends a lot of the comic trying to close that distance, literally by spending a significant part of his plotline trying to find his Dad, emotionally by learning more about him and dispelling his notions of who Dad is as a person, replacing them with a more realistic image of who Dad actually is, and metaphorically, by surrounding himself with Dad-imagery, dressing up in disguises that make him look like a Dadly figure, playing dress-up as a business professional, and roleplaying Dadliness by recreating the scene where Nic Cage gives his daughter Casey a stuffed rabbit. Ultimately, John’s search for his Dad doesn’t even end when his Dad is killed by Bec Noir, as his dreams are tormented by phantoms of his expired father, and he finally spends the credits reminiscing forlornly about him.

So we’ll call one of Homestuck’s throughlines John’s Quest for Dad - his Quest to know his Dad, his quest to become his Dad, and maybe his quest to know more about who he is through the quest to know his Dad. I probably just stole a bunch of future content from myself, but y’know? I set up some pins I can bowl over in the future too, so what I have stolen from the future, I have already repaid, like an especially frugal creditee.

I’ll come back later and write another one of these for Rose’s Poem, probably tomorrow. My shift starts soon, and between chats with clients, I’m going to try to knock out another 200 or so pages. At the rate I’m reading, who knows? I should be able to finish this webcomic again in like, a month and a half.

#homestuck #commentary #john egbert #dad egbert #lord english #dads #patriarchy #final boss #bladekindeyewear #argon stratos #companion piece #not liveblogging

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thewebcomicsreview · 4 years

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It’s Homestuck’s birthday, which means another Homestuck 2 update.

Man, trying to have something exciting for Homestuck fans happen on 4/13 has been really slick marketing, because it gets everyone excited and you see an increase in fanart. I couldn’t tell you what, say, Penny Arcade or Gunnerkrigg Court’s anniversaries were, but every Homestuck fan knows the importance of 413 because it’s built into the story itself.

Anyway, here’s Janey, and here’s Jake wearing a shirt that you can either buy now or will be able to buy soon. Marketing.

JANE: Assassinations, open warfare, so-called "revolution," and where has everyone gone? JANE: They've ABANDONED me. They've taken our precious son. And now...

That’s not really true, Jane. Your friends haven’t abandoned you while people try to kill you! Your friends are also actively trying to kill you!

It’s a decent joke, but how the hell are Steven King novels even a thing on this planet? Maybe Rose had some.

DIRK: I'm slurping this shit up like it's a piping hot bowl of udon. DIRK: Itadakimasu.

Homestuck 2′s Dirk is dramatically more of a filthy fucking weeb than Dirk was in the original Homestuck, and that’s a high fucking bar.

JANE: Two can play at the hostage game. That loathsome daughter of theirs should fit the bill nicely. JANE: Then those naughty rebels will cease this unruly tantrum, and do what they are told.

This is another instance of Homestuck 2 sanding down the whole “civil war” thing that I didn’t even think about until they called attention to it. Vrissy is not only a member of the rebellion, her adoptive parents are commanders who the God-Empress of Mankind personally hates, and she just kind of casually went to human high school with her only concern being the dead clown and apparently she is only now in any danger.

Oh, this is cool! A wide panel with two separate dialogs underneath! I had to admit I was kind of hoping for an anniversary [S], but I’m happy with a twist on the standard format. It looks nicer than the x2 updates from Homestuck 1, too.

VRISKA: 8ecause there's no way I'm saying Harry Anderson every time. That's like... 8 whole letters too long. VRISKA: From now on your name is just Harry. HARRY: o... k?

Hm. First Vriska Classic renames the new Vriska to Vrissy, and now Harry Anderson has been demoted to Harry. I sense a pattern, and suspect “Tavros Crocker” will not be called such much longer.

Also, stealing people’s names like that seems very Thief of Light-y, but let’s not get into that just now, even if the last update hinted at a connection between Harry and Heart, which is all about identity. I’m doing this liveblog during my lunch break no time for classpect shit.

VRISKA: If I had to 8et, I'd say you're the thing that pup8ed after a 8ar8aric act of human sexual intercourse 8etween John and some Lalonde or other. HARRY: ok. HARRY: ew.

Hm. Vriska knows Harry’s last name is Egbert, but it’s interesting that she assumes his mom is a Lalonde and not one of the literal planet full of human women, but no one in Homestuck seems to care about the NPC humans so it’s a safe bet. Also I don’t like how hard we’re pushing the line that Harry came out of a person’s vagina and not some slime. I’m suspish.

VRISKA: There WERE no humans on Alternia, okay? There were no humans, and no human "musicals", in my entire UNIVERSE. HARRY: it sounds like a horrible place. ): VRISKA: Yeah, it 8lew so un8elieva8ly hard.

Heh.

But now he's not so sure. Ever since hearing that one of his dad's old friends had turned up, that border between past and present has felt fainter by the minute. And as they talk, he begins to think that Vriska seems so much... fresher. More real. An actual, authentic, bona fide god from another universe. Harry can’t imagine his dad even talking to someone like her, let alone punching her in the face.

One of those file-it-away-for-later moments, but Harry is able to sense that the canon Vriska is “more real” than his dad.

HARRY: right now i'm in my mom's house with my girlfriend, her boyfriend, and another god damn version of my girlfriend, and all of us are probably now on the run from the fucking GOVERNMENT!!!!

Though he also seems to think Vriska Serket and Vrissy Maryam-Lalonde are alternate versions of each other, which is actually not true, both literally and personalityways.

Harry is not even able to mention the thing he was about to mention, because at this exact moment his phone starts ringing.

BECAUSE JELLICLES CAN AND JEEEEEEELLICLES DO JELLICLES DO AND JELLICLES CAN JELLICLES CAN AND JEEEEEELLICLES

HARRY: oh fuck.

I think Harry Egbert has the worst taste of anyone in his family and that’s a high fucking bar

VRISSY: It's Something about the W8y she Looks at him. VRISSY: The Rest of us too. VRISSY: Like we're not even Real. TAVROS: Yes,, this is good, VRISSY: Ever since she showed up, it's 8een o8vious that Nothing Here M8tters to her.

Another, much more obvious reference to the realness attribute of Candyland.

VRISSY: I'm not worried a8out Harry Fucking 8nderson right now! VRISSY: Hell, I'm so Unconcerned that I think I'm going to start just calling him Harry from now on! It'll Save Everyone a lot of Valua8le Time! VRISSY: Listen Tavros, Vriska will get 8ored of Harry in a Heart8eat! VRISSY: That's the whole point!!!!!!!! VRISSY: She shouldn't 8e w8sting her Time on someone like Him! VRISSY: SHE SHOULD BE T8LKING T8 ME!!!!!!!!

That both Vriskas decide separately to demote Harry Anderson to Harry is a funny gag. Also, between this and the start of the conversation where Vrissy was obsessed with how she appeared on social media, someone needs to be the most important person in the room at all times, which is a trait both Vriska’s have in common with each other, and also in a way with Aranea, so there’s perhaps a classpect aspect to this but we don’t have time for that!

JOHN: HELLO SON! JOHN: I AM JOHN: SO JOHN: VERY JOHN: PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!

There it is

JOHN: heh. two vriskas is NOTHING. JOHN: when i was your age i lost count of all the vriskas i had to keep track of. JOHN: it was probably some preposterous number.

I’m pretty sure John never encountered any alternative-timeline Vriskas in Homestuck.

Hey, it’s Rose and Kanaya!

Individually, they each represent immeasurable gains for the rebel faction. The rebellion's stratagems have never had a fiercer bite; their uniforms have never looked so fucking sharp. But it is together, united, that their true strength is made apparent. Their bond, a union of love between troll and human, is not only a foundation for the rebel cause, but an integral symbol of its purpose.

D’aw

ROSE: I don't understand what's going on any more than you do, and I'm sorry. ROSE: I'm sorry!

Rose panicking like this feels....weird?

I like the detail of Jade’s pawprint gloves. Also, she seems to have gained a headband as Rose lost hers. Only one hair accessory allowed in this comic, this ain’t no fucking Touhou.

JADE: THEYVE TAKEN YIFFY!!!!!!! D:

Oh thank Christ, no one knows what the fuck Jade is talking about. For a minute there I thought we were about to learn Jade and Dave had a daughter named Yiffy and I was about to walk into the sea.

#Homestuck #Homestuck 2 #Homestuck 2 Liveblog

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chekovs-fuckup · 4 years

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100 Homestuck Headcanons Of Mine

Both Meulin and Nepeta say “hewwo” unironically. They can also replicate the OwO and UwU faces near perfectly.

Roxy loves Five Nights At Freddie’s, Undertale, and Minecraft.

The Striders and Lalondes have a group Minecraft server.

One time Roxy convinced Rose to play Halo with her, Dirk, and Dave. That was when they found out Rose was surprisingly good at it, and Fortnite.

The trolls all love Animal Crossing

Actually, everyone loves Animal Crossing.

The Mayor is the only one who had Raymond. That is because Dave gave him Raymond.

Everyone else wants Raymond.

Vriska stabbed someone for Raymond. She didn’t get Raymond.

The Harley-English-Egbert-Crocker family have a group Minecraft server, and that’s it.

They tend to spend their free time seeing what whacky things they can alchemize.

At one point they managed to alchemize Captain America’s shield. No one is sure how, but it works.

Roxy and Dirk can both eat whole ghost peppers. Rose and Dave both hate spicy food.

Jane doesn’t mind spicy things but prefers sweet stuff instead. John and Jake are fine with a little spice but not as much as Roxy and Dirk. Jade can’t have anything spicy or she will get extremely sick.

Spicy peppers, and peppers in general, are lethal to trolls, due to the capsicum in them. The first time Karkat and Kanaya saw Dirk and Roxy eating peppers they freaked out.

Dirk and Roxy have occasional competitions to see who can eat the most peppers in a minute. It’s hilarious.

Karkat learned the Alternia equivalent of an Earth ukulele before the game. He remembers one song from it and occasionally borrows Jake’s ukulele to play it when he’s sad.

Jake, Jade, Jane, and John have every musical instrument you could name, and some you couldn’t.

Jake can play the ukulele and bagpipes. Jane can play piano and keytar. Alongside bass, Jade can play the trumpet and otamatone. John can play guitar and saxophone.

Dirk can play the otamatone. That’s it.

Roxy keeps requesting that Jade alchemize cats. She has about 30 by now.

Roxy gave Dave a cat. He named him Skittles, and claims it’s completely ironic.

Dirk also has a cat, named Twilight Sparkle

Rose has a cat named Cthulhu.

Jake has a parrot named Indiana Jones

Jade now has a corgi named Thor.

John managed to get Jade to help him alchemize a dragon. It’s name is Fluffernutter.

Jane is a master at anything kitchen-y. Jake and John both burn water. Jade can cook stuff but prefers take out.

Roxy knows how to make grilled cheese and soup really well, and Dirk is good with a grill but that’s it.

Rose makes the best hot chocolate, tea, and coffee. Any drink you want, she can make. She can’t cook anything though.

Alternatively, Kanaya is an excellent cook but thinks that mixing Dr. Pepper, Sprite, and Faygo together is good.

Kanaya has mixed every soda the kids could find together before. Dirk paid John $30 to drink it. John did.

“If you open a banana from the bottom you are a disgrace to the world and we all know you’re a top who can’t find a bottom.”- Rose, Kanaya, Jade, Vriska

“Opening a banana from the bottom lets you have the most banana without eating the weird thing at the end of it”- Dirk, John, Jane, Karkat

“Why bother peeling bananas when you can just eat them whole?”- Jake, Dave, Terezi

One time John used the Mayor’s cuteness to get Jane to bake him a cake. Dave found out and was pissed.

Dave convinced Rose to knit the mayor a sweater.

The mayor loves Doritos. He always gets the last one in the bag.

Kanaya loves mixing different types of one kind of food or drink. She has mixed all the candy in the house, much to the delight of most everyone, has mixed all the soda (it now lives in the back of the fridge for when they play truth or dare) and has mixed all the cereal in the house, much to the irritation of Roxy and Rose.

Dave ate a handful of Kanaya’s cereal mix because Dirk said he wouldn’t.

Has read Twilight: Rose, Roxy

Hasn’t read Twilight: Jade, Jane, John

Doesn’t know what Twilight is: Mayor, Calliope, Karkat, Jake

Hates Twilight: Dave

Vocally anti-twilight but secretly wrote and published a 100k fanfic: Dirk

Can swim: Rose, Roxy, Dirk, Jake, Jade

Can’t swim: John, Calliope, Jane

Hates bodies of water: Dave

Trolls don’t have grey skin, they have grey fur.

Said fur poofs up when the trolls are scared as a defense mechanism, like a cat. But instead of being fluffy, it’s spiky and sharp. Trying to punch a fluffed up troll ends badly.

If you mix Faygo and sopor slime you get the troll equivalent of weed.

Calliope found archery and axe-throwing, and is wonderful at both.

Dave convinced Rose to knit a sweater for the Mayor.

Cereal before milk: Rose, Roxy, Jane

Milk before cereal: Jake, John, Jade

“Just eat the cereal dry, cowards”: Dave, Dirk

Dave had a popular Vine account

Karkat does not understand the term Yeet.

Instead of saying “Yeet” Rose says “defenestrate”

Roxy has a Tumblr account filled with things their group has said.

Kanaya has designed outfits based around pride flags for everyone.

Dave likes Mindless Self Indulgence and My Chemical Romance

Calliope likes Fall Out Boy

John listens to twenty one pilots a lot

Dave also likes cavetown

Kanaya loves girl in red

The beta trolls ancestors can change their size.

The Grand Highblood and the Condesce shifted to a larger size permanently to intimidate other trolls.

Some don’t use it as much, or at all, like the Dolorosa, the Signless, or Neophyte Redglare.

Dualscar uses it to ease travel or to win fights, and will grow to extreme sizes so he can get through the water faster. It’s also ten times easier to sink ships.

The Psiionic couldn’t use the power once he became the Helmsman.

Darkleer uses it to grow smaller, so he can work on the small, delicate parts of his inventions.

Carapacians grow weed as a crop. For them, it’s their main source of food. For humans, it’s weed. It’s poisonous to trolls.

Sea dwellers’ lusii die more frequently (possibly due to the eldritch being at the bottom of the ocean), so they started letting older sea dwellers adopt sea dwellers that aren’t really old enough to survive without a lusus.

How many sweeps a troll is can be equated to human years, but when compared to other blood castes it becomes very skewed. A sweep equals roughly two human years, but different blood castes view this differently. Rust bloods, bronze bloods, and gold bloods all live fairly short lives, so 7 sweeps is roughly half their life span. Lime bloods and jade bloods all view 7 sweeps as being a bit like their early twenties. Teal and cerulean bloods would consider 7 sweeps to be roughly 13 or 14. Cobalt and purple bloods would see 7 sweeps as maybe being 6 or 7. Violet and fuschia bloods live for thousands of years, so legally and when comparing life experience to other fuschia/violet bloods, 7 sweeps is basically a very young toddler. This is just how each caste views age internally, given that they have different lifespans. 7 sweeps is roughly 13 or 14 in human years. This is explained badly but it’s also an alien concept put into English.

Teal and cerulean bloods have the closest lifespan to humans.

Dealing with eldritch beings shortens your lifespan because of the toll it takes on your body. This means that if Rose never reached godtier she would have died earlier than she was supposed to. This also means that if Eridan wasn’t chainsawed in half he probably would have had the lifespan of a purple blood or blueblood.

An ahab crosshairs or whatever can be really deadly in certain situations, but outside of that it’s basically useless.

The one time Dave met Kankri, he decided to put all of Mindless Self Indulgence’s songs on shuffle and play whatever came on first to Kankri. It was ‘Stupid MF’. Kankri flipped his shit and Dave is no longer allowed near him.

Meenah turned it into a game to see who could get the loudest reaction from Kankri by playing an MSI song. So far the winners have been 1. Vriska with ‘Faggot’, 2. Cronus with ‘Bitches’, and 3. Meenah with “Fuck Machine’. Honorable mentions include ‘Get It Up’, ‘Big Poppa’, and ‘Dickface’.

The honorable mentions change constantly

The game is ridiculously easy to win, given that most MSI songs are A) about sex, B) have slurs in them, C) are just really offensive in general, or D) all of the above.

To win the game you record Kankri’s reaction to the song and upload it to a forum on pesterchum.

Kankri is unaware there is a game.

Cronus repeatedly hits on everyone he meets. There are two people who he’s stopped flirting with, though.

The first one is Vriska. The first time he flirted with her she kicked him in the balls. The next time she stabbed him. He stopped trying after that.

The other one is John. He kept comparing Cronus to people from late 20th century movies with greasers in them.

Roxy loves riot grrrl bands.

Roxy, Sollux, John, and Karkat started a coding club. Roxy and Sollux help Karkat and John get better at coding, and also challenge each other to break into more and more ridiculous places.

At one point, using the codes that let Roxy and Dirk talk to Jake and Jane, Roxy and Sollux were able to hack into different government websites in different universes.

This includes the Pentagon, the FBI, and the CIA. They figured out how to get news live from the other universes, so occasionally they invite their friends over and watch a different world panic.

They end up doing internet troll stuff once in the websites. They’ll leave things equating to “aliens from another universe were here” and shit. They’ll make it so every time the website is open the screen turns pink or red and blue.

One time they left a picture of a message in Alternian. When the feds decoded the message, it just said “2ollux and Roxy were here. 2ucker2.”

One time they replaced all the photos of people with badly photoshopped versions of the photos where all the faces had been replaced by either Nic Cage’s face or Danny Devito’s face.

When they aren’t breaking into government websites, Roxy and Sollux will set up firewalls for the other to try and get past.

Aradia and Federico bleached Eridan’s hair while he slept, and cut it short. They also put pink bows on his horns. Just because.

Because Sollux can hear voices of the imminently deceased/is basically half dead, and Aradia has a strong connection to death, they were able to manipulate this so they could communicate telepathically. It takes focus, but they can do it.

Dirk knows Japanese, and can understand Damara. He is the only one who can.

They have inside jokes about everyone they know

Vriska found 5 or 6 doomed versions of herself and brought them back to life. They live in a shared hive and use the fact that they are all various Vriskas to prank people to an extreme. The only one who know whats happening outside of them is Terezi, because A) seer, and B) the one who gave John the list of things to do was brought back as well and told her.

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-04-13

Happy 4/13 upd8! Glimpsed part of the title when I was checking but otherwise blind.

Time to liveblog this quickly and pile into RevScarecrow’s first-readthrough stream of Cascade. It REALLY hurts to see him tortured having to read through long conversations with dyslexia, but at least he gets to draw purer enjoyment out of the huge flashes.

EDIT: Added an important clarification from a friend to the bottom, regarding the tail end of the upd8.

Well here we go. Whose daughter? Candy Vrissy as Rose/Kanaya’s? Or some weirder metaphorical Roxy/RoboRose thing.

> CHAPTER 8. A Daughter Astray

Huh, not where I thought we’d start a chapter named like that. We can’t leave Candy so soon after cutting to it though.

JANE: Assassinations, open warfare, so-called "revolution," and where has everyone gone? JANE: They've ABANDONED me. They've taken our precious son. And now...

Are we going to see some of the beginnings of John’s plan in action, from her perspective?

> (==>)

Steven King novels??? Like an IT joke? Sure, I guess?

DIRK: Itadakimasu.

I mean he would. Especially the Jake-imagined version of him.

JANE: "An eye for an eye." JANE: Once we have rescued our son from their clutches, I'm going to take something of my own; something as valuable to the rebellion as Tavvy is to me. JANE: Two can play at the hostage game. That loathsome daughter of theirs should fit the bill nicely.

Okay. That’s certainly a plan, I guess.

Wow, she really runs everything by the seat of her pants, doesn’t she.

(She seems less murderous than usual now that the spotlight of HS^2 is on her instead of Epilogue darkness, though, all things considered. Walking back some of the negativity of the Epilogues in general. That’s the impression I get anyway.)

> (Kids: Converse.)

Vriska, come on.

--Oh! Oh and there’s:

That middle photo! Harry, Roxy, and Calliope hanging out, yes! Glad to see Candy Roxy and Callie were definitely not as distant as they appeared throughout the Epilogues when we were being convinced everything was going out-of-character as a Meat!Callie-written fanfic instead of what Roxy would plausibly actually do. (Which... it kinda was, so they need to soften the blow by showing not everything was ruined by the way it was written.)

((And there are lots of cats everywhere, but this is outside Harry’s room so it’s all Roxy, no classpect.))

HARRY ANDERSON: so... HARRY ANDERSON: um. vriska? VRISKA: The one and o........ VRISKA: (Ughhhhhhhh) VRISKA: I mean, yeah. That's me!!!!!!!!

It’s hard to get enough of Vriska’s irritation with her reduced relevance.

VRISKA: From now on your name is just Harry. HARRY: o... k?

Dick move, but I have to thank you for shortening his chat handle there.

HARRY: but um, yeah. john and roxy are my parents.

Yeah, deal with that, Vriska. Nice job wooing John. :)

Aaaand then Harry’s Egbert genes kick in and he starts going off on a tangent describing a piece of media he likes with a situation barely mappable onto this one.

HARRY: ok, so have you ever seen the musical calamity jane? HARRY: i guess you probably haven't. HARRY: but so there's this part at the beginning, where the title character comes back from chicago, and she talks to all of the old-timey locals about how bizarre and new-fangled everything was, and VRISKA: Godddddddd it really is like talking to teenage John all over again. VRISKA: No I haven't seen Chastity Jane or whatever the stupid title was. It sounds like a total snooze!!!!!!!!

Calamity Jane and Chastity Jane. Probably means nothing.

VRISKA: And anyway, what are you trying to say? VRISKA: That I sound outd8ed?

HA. Now you’re a boomer! Eat that Vriska.

HARRY: i mean, we've done stage fighting before, but never the real stuff. HARRY: but i bet i could learn. i took kickboxing with my mom for a month and half when i was nine.

Yaaay Roxy-style martial ar-- oh wait only a month and a half, huh?

We’ll have to see if he’s really as inexperienced and kinda-thinking-too-well-of-himself as he looks, or if this is all just a joke setup for when he proves to be pretty combat capable later.

VRISKA: He totally freaked out the first time I told him I killed some8ody. HARRY: haha, that sounds like my dad.

Harry and Vrissy look clearer together by the minute, dynamic-ways.

Freaking out about murder, though; that's definitely something Harry can see his father doing.

Kind of like a fresh breath of relevance, huh? I mean Vriska had to carry a little in with her.

HARRY: i'm not allowed ONE vriska in my bedroom. HARRY: i don't even want to THINK about how much trouble i'll be in if she finds out i had TWO of them up there.

PFFFF.

And Roxy grew up the kind of mom to set those limits, huh? Nice. She’s definitely proving a less lonely and inscrutable mom than she was to Rose. (And Rose had the additional disadvantages of Horrorterror- and Gamzee-induced fear- and certainty-amplification to help drive her to believe her mother hated her, on TOP of all of Mom’s glaring flaws/abuses vis-a-vis drunken responsibility-aversion.)

HARRY: of course i am freaking out vriska! HARRY: i'm freaking out what i think is probably a good amount about this. the fashionable amount of freaking out.

I’m starting to really take a liking to this asshole.

HARRY: he's going to absolutely flip his fucking lid if he ever finds out about this!! HARRY: or worse, it might just make him as miserable as before, and he'll be really disappointed in me, and then he'll just leave again, or... or SOMETHING!!

Auugh. God damnit, Past!John, raising him to believe this. Luckily, Current!John will most likely disabuse him of the notion at least SOMEWHAT by the end of this story.

BECAUSE JELLICLES CAN AND JEEEEEEELLICLES DO JELLICLES DO AND JELLICLES CAN JELLICLES CAN AND JEEEEEELLICLES HARRY: oh fuck.

Why is he hiding the CATS poster in his room, but has a whole ringtone set up with it? Either a global one or a John-specific one?

Is it John-specific because he has to outwardly play it cool about how much he loves and needs his dad, just like Cats?

VRISSY: Check it out, someone's already cospl8ying my fit from tod8y.

Oh nice! Inborn popularity at work.

VRISSY: Good? It's Infuri8ing!!!!!!!! VRISSY: UGH! So many f8ke accounts pretending to 8e me. Stealing my hard-earned Clout. Fakey f8ke F8KES.

Mhmm, why give up any attention? She wouldn’t want to share it.

VRISSY: Damn Right it's import8nt Tavros! Image is a8out as Important as it gets.

(classpect blah blah)

VRISSY: Relax Tavvy. VRISSY: You're starting to Sweat Nervously. You know I H8te it when you Swe8t Nervously. TAVROS: Thank you,, VRISSY: Th8t wasn't a Fucking H8mance Complim8nt, I do genuinely Hate it and not in a Fun Way. TAVROS: Oh,, TAVROS: I'm,, sorry,,,, VRISSY: Ugh. Whatever. VRISSY: I'm just... 8eing a 8itch. Forget about it.

Look how INCREDIBLY much more mature Vrissy is right here than Vriska ever was.

And Vrissy’s understandably a lot more worried than we are about Vriska moving in on Harry. Even though with Vriska’s experience she would hardly be likely to see anything in him to--

Oh. Fuck, what am I saying. Of COURSE Vriska would be tempted to move in if it meant stealing attention from Vrissy. I keep forgetting this is ORIGINAL VRISKA we’re talking about. That’s got to be a conflict at some point, right?

TAVROS: I know you don't like to talk about these kinds of things,, TAVROS: Having said, on previous occasions, stuff like,, TAVROS: "Feelings are for adults and babies, not real people," TAVROS: And i'm not,, necessarily, saying that you have some unaddressed feelings, TAVROS: But,, maybe if we're going to be around her, TAVROS: You should try to be honest, about the feelings, that you don't have,,

Nailed it like a true Tavros.

VRISSY: It's Something about the W8y she Looks at him. VRISSY: The Rest of us too. VRISSY: Like we're not even Real.

That’s right. Making it important that you be extra careful that she doesn’t hurt you, because she’ll undoubtably or neglectfully TRY.

VRISSY: And to 8e Honest, I think I Understand why! VRISSY: Everything Here is so dwee8ish and 8oring!!!!!!!!

A little more complicated than that, Vrissy.

TAVROS: Because you're worried harry anderson thinks she's cooler than you,, TAVROS: Because you're jealous,,,, VRISSY: W8. VRISSY: What? VRISSY: No! VRISSY: Tavros, were you Listening to 8NYTHING I was Just Saying? VRISSY: I'm not worried a8out Harry Fucking 8nderson right now! VRISSY: Hell, I'm so Unconcerned that I think I'm going to start just calling him Harry from now on! It'll Save Everyone a lot of Valua8le Time! VRISSY: Listen Tavros, Vriska will get 8ored of Harry in a Heart8eat! VRISSY: That's the whole point!!!!!!!! VRISSY: She shouldn't 8e w8sting her Time on someone like Him! VRISSY: SHE SHOULD BE T8LKING T8 ME!!!!!!!!

Hm, jealous of the attention Vriska’s giving Harry, not the other way around. Huh!

And here come the Crocker cops...

> (Harry: Pick up.)

Wait, I don’t understand this picture. Who are those two silhouettes outside? Isn’t this Roxy’s house? (Is that Jake facing away on the left? Them being already here would be pretty good reason for alarm.)

HARRY: ok everyone, my dad's calling. HARRY: if he finds out you're here then he will definitely put two and two together, so PLEASE just keep quiet and let me do the talking.

Is John going to play along? That could be fun.

Hm. If Harry hasn’t turned off his phone’s signal, then that could be a way Jane can find and use him to find Vrissy. (Or already have.)

HARRY: er, HARRY: hi dad. VRISKA: HI JOHN!!!!!!!! VRISSY: Hi Mister Eg8ert!!!!!!!!! HARRY: oh god dammit.

THEIR NEED FOR ATTENTION BYPASSES ALL SURVIVAL INSTINCT.

JOHN: HELLO SON! JOHN: I AM JOHN: SO JOHN: VERY JOHN: PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!! HARRY: JOHN: PHEW, that felt good to say. JOHN: or to yell, i guess. heheh. JOHN: sorry about that, harry anderson. JOHN: i just didn't think i'd be seeing your handiwork all over the news quite so soon!

Yeah, John really needs to take a page or two out of his Dad’s playbook right now! Because Harry really fucking doubts that his father is proud of him, and John’s Dad would never have let him come under such a misconception.

JOHN: it looks like you tried to pull one of the biggest pranks i can think of. JOHN: and it backfired! HARRY: y... yeah. JOHN: but that's ok!!! JOHN: it could have happened to the best of us. JOHN: ok, so maybe it wasn't the most original idea. JOHN: and you should probably have steered clear of such a blatant nod to weekend at bernie's without seriously planning some of the logistics in advance.

John, please stop so aggressively framing this in terms of YOUR interests.

JOHN: heh. two vriskas is NOTHING. JOHN: when i was your age i lost count of all the vriskas i had to keep track of. JOHN: it was probably some preposterous number.

¬_¬”

JOHN: now, harry anderson, i know that you and tavros haven't always gotten along. JOHN: but i am going to have to ask you to try and look out for him for the time being.

Harry could really use some reassurance from YOU you know? That you’re working to make sure he’ll be okay through all this?

JOHN: your uncle jake and i... well, i'll explain later. JOHN: let's just say that gamzee isn't the only family member jane is losing today. HARRY: dad... if you wanted me to KILL tavros, you only had to ask. TAVROS: (Um,,,) HARRY: couldn't resist.

What? Moved for custody in the divorce?

I feel like the divorce is SOMEHOW involved in whatever John is referring to here. Even though the Epilogues say that Jane initiated it. Maybe we’ll find out later that in the cut from then to now, Jane apologized a bit and didn’t go through with it, but he still had the papers to finalize it, or? No, that doesn’t quite add up with what Jake was afraid of before... hm.

> (==>)

Oh, the paparazzi. THAT’S a problem.

JOHN: the word "fuck" was invented for moments like this.

Nothing to comment on, just had to quote it.

JOHN: some guidelines that any budding prankster or newly fledged fugitive should know. JOHN: don't panic, JOHN: don't make a scene, JOHN: and whatever you do... JOHN: don't get caught!!

This is a reference to something, right?

> (High above the clouds...)

Jesus, that’s a visual. Hi, probably-the-only-source-of-happiness-between-Kanaya-and-Rose-we-might-have-onscreen-up-until-the-very-end. (Are those cat chairs, or just headrests with lil horns?)

As the world seethes with the acid sting of war, they have stood steadfast and resolute; when hope has seemed at its most distant, they have shone as a beacon of possibility.

Further cementing Hope’s ties to possibility, then.

Individually, they each represent immeasurable gains for the rebel faction. The rebellion's stratagems have never had a fiercer bite; their uniforms have never looked so fucking sharp.

Why you gotta do Kanaya like that, narrative?

> (==>)

Full glow? Kanaya must be nervous.

(I don’t think this short hair on Rose quite does the justice that short hair on her should. I suppose it’s punk to match her clothes, though. Still, I feel like short hair should look SO GOOD on Rose and the style chosen just doesn’t here.)

ROSE: I just wish I had answers!! My useless powers aren't being any help, and what's worse, ROSE: I can't see ANYTHING useful on this stupid news channel!!

I can imagine that a Seer of Light might find it harder to operate in a realm long void of most of its relevance, not to mention whatever measure of strength she gave up to concede herself into the “specific” and not ult-self manifest... but there are two Thieves of Light involved here and no Void players, beyond this being at Roxy’s house. Are they really stealing that much visibility from the situation to not blaze like beacons in Rose’s vision?

ALFONZ: excuse me mA'Ams

I don’t know how to feel about this troll’s name or quirk.

Kanaya’s ending every sentence with a shout pole, by the way.

> (==>)

ALFONZ: the reconnAissAnce teAm is bAck eArly, mA'Ams ALFONZ: the ship docked A few moments Ago ROSE: And the scouting party??? ALFONZ: i expect she's Zipping her wAy up here now, mA'Am

Karkat and Meenah? That’s just a singular “she”-- ah fuck it’s Jade isn’t it. The Jade here who had Dave ditch her suddenly to become a robot and abscond without telling her. That’s why there was so much talk about Jade in the background today, dammit. Please still be generally not despairing???

> (==>)

What is that bulky suit????? Is it seven layers of sweaters? Was she scouting the arctic??

> (==>)

Angry camo?

> (==>)

KANAYA: Jade It Is Okay JADE: its........ JADE: *sniffle* KANAYA: Please Take Your Time JADE: we dont HAVE any time!!! JADE: its too late!!!!!! JADE: janes forces were just too fast... KANAYA: Oh No ROSE: You don't mean... JADE: theyve taken her

Jade, you aren’t talking about Vrissy. Who the fuck ARE you talking about? Is this gonna be a punchline again?

> (==>)

JADE: THEYVE TAKEN YIFFY!!!!!!! D:

Okay, I’m hoping for the best but there’s precedent that this is Jade in full fucking despair mode right now. Having named pets like that and being this concerned about them.

Then again, if Dave and Jade had a pet they WOULD name it that wouldn’t they.

> (==>)

Sigh.

Well, let’s hope it’s mostly sunshine and rainbows on Jade’s front, unlike what it looks like?

That can be a caption for HS^2 going into the next two thirds of 2020 like this. “Let’s hope it’s mostly sunshine and rainbows.” Catch y’all another time.

EDIT: Oh fucking MAN, it might not be a pet after all. Quoting Discord:

[REDACTED] Today at 5:20 PM there’s a reason Rose knows but Kanaya wouldn’t possibly and look back at the chapter title BlastYoBoots Today at 5:21 PM I'll... correct that possibility. Did NOT realize it could have been a pet name for Dave instead of a pet. wait, what? no, they'd never have named a daughter that, Dave is NOT that cruel. (unless it could be nickname-shortened to that, that's just enough plausible deniability for Dave to hide behind.) [REDACTED] Today at 5:22 PM If it were a pet name for Dave, why would they use she/her in reference to him? JANE: Two can play at the hostage game. That loathsome daughter of theirs should fit the bill nicely. BlastYoBoots Today at 5:22 PM oh, and you're implying that the surrogate daughter thing happened with Jade and Rose-- [REDACTED] Today at 5:22 PM yes BlastYoBoots Today at 5:22 PM OH, and that they meant like, not Vrissy? [REDACTED] Today at 5:23 PM perhaps BlastYoBoots Today at 5:23 PM Why would Rose NOT tell Kanaya about her then? or is Kanaya just not interested in keeping up to date? [REDACTED] Today at 5:23 PM unless the yiffy ruse is a distaction BlastYoBoots Today at 5:23 PM it would be a pretty spectacular thing to spring on us though, a child the epilogues didn't mention, so...

SO, this could be a cheeky pet name for their daughter, who we’ve never met and Jane just legitimately planned to kidnap in front of us. Making Davebot’s abandonment of this timeline all the more dickish, essential as it might be. On the upside, new interesting HS^2-original characters that have nothing explicitly to do with the epilogues! (Beyond Jade hinting at how a surrogate child would be conceived possibly!) Plus another reason for Jade to steel herself and buck up about Dave not being there, to take care of her daughter, possibly. On the downside... Robo!Dave is going to be a little infuriating. Maybe to make him a little more palatable to miss if he goes down doing anything dramatic.

((EDIT2: "ROSE: Where is John? KANAYA: Where Is Dave" --ah FUCK, I missed that line. So if Kanaya's asking that, Dave probably only just vanished... I really was hoping she wouldn't have to deal with that onscreen.))

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #bladekindeyewear #blastyoboots

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m39 · 4 years

Text

Beyond Canonical Extravaganza - YEAR 1: Chapter 13

You are covered in blood and bruises. That’s, fortunately, not your blood. There are bodies of CabalCo cultists everywhere. Good thing you hid a shotgun under your desk. Still, you are shocked by how did you manage to beat them in your alcoholic state hours ago. There were around ten cultists in this house. Most of them went elsewhere to fight Liquid Bogan.

…

You really should have come out with the original name for your ghost roommate.

Hey! Bogan! Yer alright?!

In the background

LB: Y̵i̶s̵.

Good, they didn’t even scratch him. We’ll have to get rid of the bodies and buy more ammunition. Alcohol? That’s a secondary task on the shopping list.

…

I feel like I forgot about something…

…

Oh yeah… The Candy cesspool. -_-

youtube

Like the previous chapter, this is nothing but a filler. In fact, I can consider the entire cesspool that is Candy timeline as a filler because there is nothing important happening that could affect Homestuck^2 as a whole! This chapter is just Ruby going rampage on Gamzee’s funeral with yet another reminder of the Cyan Wahman Bad message. Top it all with purple prose in narration that we all love and done.

Here’s a question: Do the writers think that we are all mentally challenged? We don’t need to be reminded that Neo-Batterwitch is a villain every single fucking time an update that happens in Candy Cesspool drops! Not to mention how much Neo-Batterwitch sucks and how much bland she is. I honestly believe that I would pull a better, villainous Jane Crocker out of my ass than whatever this bullshit the writers shit upon.

We still, to this day, don’t know what Brain Ghost Dirk’s endgame is! He has basically become a useless ornament, throwing snarky commentary. We don’t even know if he’s a part of Doc Strider, an unrelated entity on his own, or something else.

People are saying that the purpose of the Candy timeline is for Omegas to end up in the Meat timeline by using Sburb. If that’s true then I’m blinder than a bat because the only time I saw the indication of it was with the colored pins in Harry’s house and the backgrounds behind Omegas (minus Ruby) before Vaska went apeshit on Harry’s neighborhood. And that was after reading someone pointing it out.

...

I think I’ll need to have a closer look on that thing in the future.

Is there at least anything good to talk about? Well, first of all, this church looks pretty dope:

I like how Ruby went wild at the funeral, courtesy of Jake releasing her. I also like this expression of her:

Perfectly speaks what I think about the Candy Cesspool as a whole.

I really wish to say more but the content was so small and so unneeded that it’s impossible. What I’ve written, as in, what you saw and the length of it, is just pure, fucking luck, based on stuff I was thinking before reading this chapter and it’s (I think) actually over a half of stuff I wrote. The fact that I still have to break through another three updates of this timeline makes we want to do... I don’t know, something resembling what Angry Video Game Nerd says in his moments of anger.

Now if you excuse me, I have bodies to dispose. I think they just started rotting.

See you next time.

Bye.

#homestuck #homestuck 2 #homestuck candy #chapter 13 #review #Beyond Canonical Extravaganza #Jake English #brain ghost dirk #ruby harlonde #jane crocker

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homestuckcontroversyin2020 · 4 years

Text

My Opinions on The Epilogues

So I expect that this isn’t going to go over too well, whether it be because I get absolutely zero attention on this post, or for the fact that I’m literally typing up what is probably a hate post that’ll spark up some, “Oh fuck you.” comments. Either way, I don’t really care about the possible hate to be garnered or anything. I’m here to state my opinion on this, and opinions can’t kill anyone when you’re as weak at arguing as I myself am. Now, this isn’t a fucking logical article, I’m not taking time with comprehensive research and making sure I fact check every little detail because that would involve reading Homestuck for and eighth time and re-reading the Epilogues so I have the biggest refresher in the world. I’m not doing that, so take my sub-par rambles.

Preface over, let’s get into the meat.

My original thought when I heard that the Epilogues came out was initially an eye roll big enough to be like when Hulk smashed Loki in the ground. An arch of, “What the fuck, Hussie.” In other words? I didn’t want to read them. I spent the first few days in agony, complaining about how Homestuck was probably just becoming a money grab, and hearing from other people about the content that came out.

It.. wasn’t as bad as I expected when I jumped into it. People made a bigger deal about them than I thought was even insanely possible. Let me get this out of the way. I don’t hate the Epilogues. Do I think they were poorly done? Yes. Do I think that the writing was subpar? Absolutely. Do I think that fourteen year olds in their bedroom typing away at shitty fanfiction or roleplaying smut on MxRP/MSPARP have a better grasp on the characterization of each individual character than the people who took over and wrote the Epilogues? 10000%. Still, I thought they were a clever addition to alternate timelines. I had heard from a source they were meant to be a satirical take on fanfiction, and was a mocking poke at the Homestuck community... until Beyond Canon came out.

So here we are now with an 18 year old who’s spent their time on this planet obsessing over Homestuck since before they could read cuss words without feeling embarrassed telling you about how they’re pissed off with some small things that are of no value.

I’m an Alpha Kid Stan(TM) so everything that happened to my sweet babies has made me want to blow my brains out over the walls. Let’s go down the line.

Jane, sweetheart? Who hurt you? Now, I’ll be honest, I rushed through the Epilogues in my, ‘fuck I don’t want to read this but I feel like I need to in order to satiate my burning curiosity.’ mode. Jane’s whole... situation seems really fucked up to me. The color of her text in the EPs is another thing that pissed me off beyond belief, and I’m not sure why. The consistency between comic and canon was draining on my nerves. Jane, in Homestuck, is a whiny teen, but in no way do I look at her and see racist Hitler. Also, what the fuck was up with the clown thing? Why did she have an obsession with fucking Jake? Sure, she was into him before, but wasn’t part of her character arch getting over the buck toothed bangaroo? I thought so. I also thought that Jane was, you know, just a normal girl living her best life. She sure complained, but who doesn’t?? The Jane we’re given in the Epilogues seems to lack the internal dilemmas that the dear, sweet Crocker we’ve grown fond of does. There’s barely a hit of self hate, she doesn’t blow up, and sure we could possibly count this to her being older, but, what? She didn’t seem to be pissed off about the entire existence of trolls in Homestuck. Sure, her time with them was minimal and she didn’t really get all the shit through, but she fought side by side with Kanaya, even. I just don’t see it at all.

Jake. Oh boy. This is a big one. In either case, Jake’s whole thing really bothers me. He doesn’t seem like Jake. He seems like a watered down version of himself that doesn’t even make fucking sense? He’s an aloof dork, but he’s not horrendously stupid, there’s no reason to make him an alcoholic, and why the fuck is he an attention seeking slut? Yes, yes. We could blame this all on Dirk but really, what were the authors thinking? They had complete control over what happens in this and they turn Jake into something he’s not. He had other drives and passions than living out his life as the sexy action movie woman we all need in our lives. Jake’s smart to his own degree, stubborn, and kind of a flirt! He’s not insanely oblivious, either. For instance, I recall a specific moment where he insinuates that Jane was having a wet dream about him in Homestuck. I’m not going to find the quote, but I know it’s there. Jake spent time working on the robot rabbit for John with Jade and outright refused help from some outside sources. Jake is smart! He’s got an extensive vocabulary! He’s just a nerd, and he’s more than an uwu gay boy for Mr. Triangles.

Roxy, oh no. This is where I expect to get the most heat. Roxy is a beloved character. The light of my life and the best of the kids, in my opinion. (I’m an avid Dirk Stan, but Roxy has won my heart truly and thoroughly.) I don’t like the whole trans/non-binary thing. Not because I’m transphobic or anything, because I’m absolutely not. It’s because it feels like it just doesn’t fit with her as a character?? Roxy grew up in isolation in a place without humans, you really think she’s going to have an outright conceptualized view on gender roles and norms? Basic fucking psychology would tell you otherwise. This is something that her brain would have trained her to do based on a societal view. I may not have paid a huge ass amount of attention in psychology, but gender is a thing that’s completely up in the air and taught to us. Roxy didn’t have that. You could argue and say that her house has something of the sort that’d lead her to feel that way, or perhaps she’s learned this all off the internet, but her clothes scream femme and she had to make them herself, is all I’m saying. Again, whatever, go off, make Roxy trans. It’s not a huge deal, but that isn’t the only problem I have. Roxy as a character seems to have just lost her spark. There’s little outright love and enjoyment and adoration for her friends that there is in Homestuck. She’s not your hype go get them loving girl. Again, maybe you could blame this on the fact that they’re all older, but getting older isn’t going to drastically impede your previous personality and make you an entirely different person. They essentially turned Roxy into a watered down version of Dave, but trans. It’s like they couldn’t make Dave trans so they just made a new Dave. It’s annoying to me, and that’s my biggest problem. I love Roxy. I don’t care for Epilogue Roxy. If they had done it right, if they had used specific things from Homestuck, if Homestuck itself keyed in on this or ANYTHING, fine. But Roxy was old enough to question her identity, most people do around 16, and she could have had the opportunity to start representing this already. I mean, who was stopping her? Then the baby stuff. Huh? What? Why? Doesn’t make sense, pass. Her bffsy, brother, and person that cared about her most off and yeets himself from the top of the nearest belltower and all she can think about is copulating with John??? Alright, fam.

Onto Dirk. Y’know what? I don’t have many huge problems with Dirk. I found his personality in Meat really funny, I found the death in Candy absolutely soul crushing. Dirk is a good character. I don’t think they did his personality well, but I don’t think they did any of the characters well. Maybe John. Maybe. Dirk really just sounded like a child who wasn’t getting what he wanted, and it was amusing to say the least. He sounded horrible from the way people talked about him before I read it, but I really just found his overzealous ego entertaining. I found the fact that they made him still totally desperate for Jake kind of annoying though. Dirk broke of their relationship. Dirk was the one who took a moment to realize it wasn’t healthy for either of them, and getting what you want isn’t good. Taking over the narrative and making your ex nearly jizz himself in public is hilarious and all, but also, what??

Alright. Alphas. Let’s move onto Betas.

I skipped a lot of it, not going to lie. Rather than breaking it down for each character like I did with the Alphas, I’m just going to ramble and see where the wind takes. me.

I don’t ship Davekat. I don’t see it working in a romantic aspect. I see them being bros, and it felt really forced in both sides of the story. The homoerotic tension could maybe be smelled for a mile away, but lets not forget something very important. Dave has shown interest in women. Dave was interested in Terezi, he called Roxy and Jane hot, he totally fucking jizzed his jeans for Jade. The fact that so many characters in the Epilogues were exclaiming that Dave was gay, and Dave himself leaning towards the sentiment, didn’t seem to really match up. Dave’s not just pretending to like chicks either, he’s definitely interested in them to the point of being genuinely flustered and embarrassed (I.E The Hot Mom conversation.) So, I don’t really enjoy that. I think the economy shit is cute, his alternate counterpart seemed to have a good hand for business according to the spiel that was made about him, I liked it.

Rose? Didn’t pay a lot of attention to her. The drug abuse shit really pissed me off. Rose in general really pissed me off in the Epilogues.

John is a can of worms. His characterization was done well, but I guess I just don’t see the point in the two timeline deals. Also, why did he have sex with Terezi? Why was he so much of a baby when the rest of the people around him apparently seemed to mature? Who knows. I sure as hell don’t.

And... then there’s Jade. Poor, sweet Jade. She’s been done dirty almost as much as Jake has, if not worse. She has a dick for one. Yikes. She’s extremely sexually driven, which isn’t something I can see for canon Jade who just wants to hang out and vibe. She’s also so fucking insistent with the “uwu lets date Dave and Karkat” shit that it drives me up a fucking wall. Jade, you should know better! You dated an alternate version of Dave! You dated the OG motherfucker fresh timeline bitch who lost everyone, and sure he was depressed, but I think if I remember correctly you know about all of this???? Hmmmmm!!!! Big questions. It almost leads one to believe she’d know better than to enter into a relationship like this with Dave since it could be emotionally unfulfilling. :))))

Anyways, this entire thing is a can of fucking worms and I don’t suspect I’m going to use this account often aside from shitposting, so have this one uneducated article and if you made it through it and agree, disagree, or what have you, don’t be an ass in the replies? I get it, I’m opinionated and should probably shut my mouth, but it’s the internet and I don’t really care at this point.

#homestuck #epilogues #opinions #spoilers #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #dave strider #jade harley #rose lalonde #john egbert #jake english #jane crocker #rambles #controversy #trans roxy #hs epilogue

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earthseaborealis · 4 years

Text

New Traditions and Worlds

My @homestuckss gift for @dykeiatrist ! I used “Davekat,” “Jane,” and “Hurt/Comfort” (with a bit of DirkJake) to create a cute little holiday fic! Hope you enjoy it :D Have a wonderful holiday season!!

Also on ao3 (@detective_in_space if the link doesn’t work!)

“Twas the week before Christmas,” Dave started before pausing, “Yo Rox, what’s somethin’ that rhymes with Christmas?”

“Ass? Wait, no, no that doesn’t work… Christmas…” Roxy muttered, “Okay so, like, the only thing I’ve got is Christmas, but you absolutely cannot rhyme ‘Christmas’ with ‘Christmas,’ right?”

“You’re definitely right,” Dave sighed as he scratched out the words in his notebook, “Dude, like absolutely nothin’ rhymes with Christmas words.”

Roxy moved over and rested their hand on his shoulder, “Karkat will appreciate the thought at least. Hey, there are other things than Christmas raps, like festive interpretive dances! Or Festive slam poetry?”

“Well, duh, it’s Karkat we’re talkin’ bout,” Dave laughed, but in his defense, it was true. Karkat would yell and insist that he hated Dave’s most ‘ironic’ gifts, but there was a certain fondness in his tone. Like it was just a whole elaborate game. The edges of Karkat’s eyes would wrinkle as his lips curled into a small grin. A small chuckle would escape, which Dave would obviously point out, and in response, Karkat would punch him (before wrapping him in a hug). Oh god, that was the best…

“Hey sleeping beauty,” Roxy interrupted, as they lightly hit the side of Dave’s head, “Did ya invite me over here just to fall asleep?”

“Nah dawg, I was just thinkin’ about the usual,” Dave brushed their hand aside.

“So,” Roxy drawled, “Karkat?” Roxy wiggled their eyebrows at Dave.

“No,” Dave exclaimed, “Fuck, I mean, no. Hey, do ya know any, like, traditions that people do for Christmas and all that jazz.” Now that was a smooth change of topics.

“Smooth like a baby’s bottom,” Roxy laughed, “But, nah. I didn’t even know Christmas was like a real thing… thought it was an urban myth or something.” Oh, right. Roxy lived in some highly-futuristic society that was enslaved by a fish bitch, but there was none of that oppressive dictatorship on Earth C. Trolls, Carpacians, Humans, and well, any other species were free to chill by the fire and enjoy whatever holiday they wanted. Now that, was what sweet, sweet democracy was about (preach Obama).

“Lit, lovin’ that we’re both oblivious of any cultural traditions… hey, you think one of the Crocker-Harley-English… berts... would know more about this? I’m feelin’ like they’d be all up in that shit,” Dave said, “Oh fuck, I’m so smart. That’s like totally their thing.”

After quickly picking up all his stuff and saying goodbye to Roxy, Dave picked up his phone and dialed Jane Crocker, the holiday expert, on his way home. Wait, oh fuck, what if she was busy? It’s not like he usually talked to her, so was it out of the question? Oh no, maybe he should’ve just texted John...

The phone picked up, “Hello, Jane Crocker speaking?”

“Oh… oh! Hey Jane, it’s Dave… ya know… Dirk’s cooler bro,” Dave started. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket and kicked a stray pebble on the sidewalk. Yes, he could be floating around, but exercise was important.

“Well, howdy there Dave. It’s been a while since we’ve talked, hasn’t it,” she chuckled, “Anyways, did you need anything?”

“So, like, Rox and I were talkin’ about Christmas and stuff… and well, we’re both dumb and have no idea what people actually do for it, so I thought you might be the expert on the subject? Because it totally seems like it’d be up your ally,” Dave rambled on.

“Well golly, I’m flattered. It’s been a while since I’ve actually celebrated the holiday, but of course, I’ll help you! Before the game, my father and I had so much fun celebrating… let’s see… Well, I’m sure you already know this, but we’d go out to a farm together and pick out a tree. I’d always search for the fattest tree, and my father would help me cut it down. And then we’d go get Hot Cocoa and pick out ornaments together, and well, oh sorry, I’ve gotten a bit off-topic, haven’t I,” Jane apologized.

“No, no! You’re literally the best… lemme just get a piece of paper to write this on,” Dave fumbled around his captchalogue, and pulled out an old notebook (of course, with Obama on the cover). “Okay cool, I got one, hit me with all that sweet, sweet info.”

“Alright… let’s see, what else… oh, well after we decorated the tree, we’d make and frost sugar cookies and cakes together. Oh! Karkat and you are welcome to come over together sometime and make cookies with me if you’d like,” Jane offered. Hell yeah, she was a literal legend. Roxy and Dirk had the best friends.

“Yeah, dog, we’d love to! I’ll hit you up with a date once Karkat checks the calendar. You know him and… schedulin’,” Dave said as he continued to write down Jane’s suggestions.

Jane chuckled, “Sounds good… and one more thing… My father and I would always put cheesy Christmas music on. That was the best… we’d make absolute fools out of ourselves, but it was so much fun. Literally, we’d just dance around and belt the lyrics… those we’re the days,” Jane’s voice started to crack… fuck… had Dave made her cry? “Sorry…” she continued, “I don’t mean to be so emotional. Oh lord, I’m sorry. I… I hope I helped you a bit, and just, feel free to come over whenever for cookies…”

“Fuck, no,” Dave searched his brain… what would Karkat say… “Sorry for bringin’ up those memories. I know it sucks and all. I’ll give you some time and just hit you up later.”

“Yes, that’d be great… see you later then,” Jane said as she hung up.

Well, shit, Dave had already made one person cry and it was only 11 a.m. Maybe Christmas was just an emotional time and stuff. Jane was cool, though, so he hoped that she was okay. Plus, she gave him some kickass advice, and he was so ready to get his holiday spirit on.

The rest of the walk to his place was boring. Dave tried to come up with some more sick raps for his Christmas album, featuring the new and improved version of “Jingle Bells.” The air was crisp and way too cold for Dave’s Texan roots (he blamed John for the freezing wind), so he was thankful when he finally reached the door.

“Yo, Karkat, I’m home, and I come with words of wisdom from the one and only Jane Crocker herself,” Dave announced as he closed the door behind him. He attempted to throw his coat and hang it up, but it fell clumsily to the floor. He shrugged it off and continued through the cozy lil’ condo, finding his way into the kitchen, where he found Karkat doing a load of laundry. Yes, the washing machine and dryer were in the kitchen… it was only the most ironic, British mom location for them. Dave, being the coolest man to ever exist, ran up to Karkat and hugged him from behind.

“Jesus fucking shit Dave! Are you trying to give me a blood pusher attack?” Karkat screeched as he jumped like fifty feet in the air (okay maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but it basically happened).

“Nah dude, you wouldn’t dare be all anime protagonist on me and faint. Like, imagine me runnin’ to cradle you in my arms while you murmur ‘I’m goin’ to have to kawaii the shit out of your desu.’ Literally, imagine that” Dave rambled.

Karkat groaned at this, “Stop spending time with Dirk. You’re turning into a shitty weeb Karkat said as he pushed Dave away.

“I can’t help it… it’s who I am,” Dave clutched yo his chest and fell to the ground, pulling the other boy down with him. Karkat’s words. The worst weapon of all.

“I’m going to go live with Kanaya and Rose,” Karkat grumbled, falling to the ground as dramatically as possible (making sure to land on Dave with as much force as possible).

“Like you’d do that,” Dave scoffed, “She’s worse than me. Plus, is you did, we couldn’t be all romantic and celebrate human holidays together. C’mon dude, we gotta act like a high school couple. Get all up in each other’s space and kiss under the mistletoe. Oh, speakin’ of that! I talked to Jane, who is literally the best, and she was like ‘oh Dave! Check out this super lit tradition I did back on the o.g. Earth. Like, you get to cut down a tree and decorate with the most ironic ornaments.’”

“Sound detrimental to the environment and a waste of time. What’s the point of celebrating a fucking tree,” Karkat asked.

“Dude, it’s a pine tree, which is superior to all other trees. Besides, it’s about family and friends. I mean, I never celebrated Christmas with Bro, but you can’t just diss Karen like that,” Dave said, using his best white mom voice.

“Fine whatever. I’ll celebrate your dumb human holiday, but I call picking out the decorations,” Karkat bargained as he stood up and dusted off his pants (getting rid of Dave’s germs).

“Hell yeah, deal! Get your coat on, we’re gonna get a tree and bring it in our house,” Dave exclaimed, quickly getting off the ground.

The boys quickly got ready and we’re out the door, hopping into their car. Dave has gotten it because well, basically of all Karkat and his friends could fly. He has listened to Karkat’s complaining enough and invested in an older, used minivan. And man, did he love the thing. Hey, maybe he’d become a car person after the holidays were over.

Dave was about to drive to the nearest park with a saw, but Karkat demanded that he call and ask Jane first. Jane recommended a small farm in the middle of nowhere, and with the use of a GPS, they eventually found their way there (after a few hours of trial and error).

“Jane said that fat trees were better, but honestly, I’m lovin’ this tall ass one right here. I mean look at it. It’s taller than the Empire State Buildin’… wait, is that still a thing? Like an Earth C Empire State Buildin’?” In Dave’s defense, it was a totally valid question. Like, did Earth C have the same seven wonders of the world? Who knew.

“Shut the fuck up. We’re here for a tree, not imperialism,” Karkat groaned, “And besides, our house isn’t big enough for that.”

“But Karkat, the economy,” Dave whined, “But like, what about this tiny one… it reminds me of you, short stacks.”

Karkat shoved him, “And the other reminds me of your flat ass.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment… since you're lookin’ at my ass and all,” Dave pulled down his Stiller shades and winked.

“Shut up, you fucking twink. Let’s just celebrate your weird human holidays and get the tree,” Karkat grumbled as he attempted to pick up the tree.

Dave doubled over laughing as he watched the 5’3 troll struggle, but once Karkat shot him an angry glare, he rushed over to aid him (with his huge muscles, of course). “Nice, I can feel it pokin’ me through my mittens. Ten out of ten would recommend.”

After endless trial and error, the pair managed to carry the tree to the register and on top of their car, a red minivan that Dave had picked out.

“So,” Karkat started, “We just put a tree in our block and decorate it? And then some creepy old man flies around the world and gives presents to children by putting them under the tree?” His eyebrows furrowed as he attempted to understand human traditions.

“Dude, I can’t even explain it. Humans can come up with some weird shit when they put their minds to it,” Dave laughed. The rest of the car ride consisted of Karkat rambling about trollian traditions. Their hands managed to find one another and rest comfortably on the center console (Dave, of course, kept one hand on the steering wheel at all times… hey, safety is important).

Their next stop was the local hardware store. It was owned by a sweet, older Carpacian. In all honesty, she reminded Dave of the Mayor… a kindred spirit whose goal in life was to just lead and help make others happy. She made the place seem like the opposite of a place to buy tools. The place was decorated with festive garlands and cheery music rang through the air. Dave waved at her as the pair walked towards the Christmas section.

“So,” Dave drawled, “What kind of ornaments are we lookin’ for? Personally, I wanna find a dick shaped one… for the memories of cockscotch. Bless that game.”

“This is a family store, dick-muncher! And we’re getting triple-f ornaments! Family fucking friendly!” Karkat screeched, marching ahead (but not before grabbing Dave’s hand and pulling him along).

“Fine, fine, I get it… gotta make our house grub friendly, for when John comes over,” Dave snickered as they walked the ornaments aisle. Who knew there were so many different variations in fucking decorations? You had some for your Karens, poor college students, newlyweds, too many to count. Karkat busied himself with the… glass ball? Well, whatever that kind of ornament was called.

“These are nice,” Karkat noted, showing Dave a set of jade glass baubles (haha, like Kanaya).

“But like, dude, they’re so borin’,” Dave whined, “We gotta spruce this tree up… get it? Spruce is a kind of tree.” Dave chuckled at his own dad joke. Shit, he was hilarious.

“Hey, I’m just trying to make this actually look nice. We’ll get other colors too, and “spruce” it up, as you say,” Karkat said as he went back to check out the boring ornaments. Dave, on the other hand, went to look at the children’s ornaments on the other side of the aisle. Most of them were new pop culture things that Dave didn’t recognize (God was he growing old). However, there were a few that grabbed his attention, and obviously, he was gonna have to show these to Karkat.

“Yo, dawg. Check out these cool little fuckers. They’ll make our tree look mads cool,” Dave opened his hands to reveal a bunch of little crab ornaments. They were cute and not boring glass balls. Plus, crabs were like Karkat’s thing… he’d definitely appreciate them.

“Crustaceans? Don’t you just know the way to my blood pusher,” Karkat rolled his eyes, “Just put them in the basket before I change my mind.”

Dave threw his fist in the air and gave Karkat a side hug, “Hell yeah, you won’t regret this. We gonna get so festive up in this joint. All the moms will be beggin’ to check out the coolest tree in the neighborhood, which if ya didn’t catch on, will be ours.”

“You got me. I’m only doing this to make Carol jealous. She fucking deserves it,” Karkat chuckled. Yes, Dave knew he was doing swell when he made Karkat laugh. If only he could give himself a, well earned, golden star.

“Dude yes, I fuckin’ hate Carol. C’mon, let’s get more lights. We gotta make this flashy and blow a fuse, speakin’ of which… do you know how to fix a broken fuse? Because I do not wanna call Dirk over to fix it for us. He’ll be like ‘Dave, I’m just tryin’ to celebrate the holidays with my darlin’ boyfriend… have I mentioned Jake’s ass? Damn, lemme just rant about that and never actually fix your broken utilities.’ Can you imagine the pain, Karkat,” Dave lamented? He loved his brother, don’t get him wrong, but he did not want to mess with Dirk this close to the holiday season.

“I can, actually. Remember what happened the week before Jake’s birthday? Dirk is batshit crazy, but he gets it from you,” Karkat smirked as Dave feigned an offended expression, “Now, can we stop talking about his love life and actually pick out some decorations?”

The pair still had one more destination before they could go home and relax, maybe even decorate the tree… but knowing themselves, they’d probably wait until Christmas Eve to put the new lights and ornaments up.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so glad you two could make it,” Jane said as she opened the door, “I’ve already got everything out, so all we have to do is bake and decorate cookies… and perhaps eat a bit of dough.” She ushered the two inside.

“Hell yeah, you’re the best Janey,” Dave said as the pair put away their coats and walked to the kitchen with Jane. Everything was so clean, especially when compared to their house. Karkat would always fuss about his habits, but Dave felt a sort of comfort in the messiness. So what if there were shirts thrown on the floor and an unorganized stack of papers on the kitchen table. It built… character.

“I’ve never had what you humans call ‘cookies,’ but thank you for having us,” Karkat added.

“Oh please, it’s no problem. I love baking, and I especially love helping people get into the holiday spirit,” Jane said. The trio fell into a simple routine once Jane showed them the recipe, helping the two boys when need be. Dave filled the silence by rambling under his breath about whatever he deemed important, while Karkat concentrated on making his cookies perfect.

“Hey look,” Dave exclaimed while holding up one of his doughy creations, “It’s a Karkat angel! A Kar-Angel… a Karkat Van-Angel!” His cookies were shaped into gingerbread men with nubby horns and an uncharacteristic smile.

“And I made a Dave-Cookie… oh wait, it’s just a blob of dough, my fucking bad,” Karkat retorted, going back to rolling out his dough.

It was a long process, but after a few hours, the boys had successfully made their first batch of Christmas sugar cookies. A few of the cookies weren’t burnt on the edges, but they were delicious nonetheless. Jane demanded that the pair take home their creations, as she didn’t have enough room in her cabinets for more holiday desserts.

“Goodness, thank you so much for coming over and making sugar cookies! I haven’t had this much fun since… well, it’s been a while. Feel free to come by and help me whenever you all would like,” Jane chirped.

“Of course, Janey,” Dave replied, “You best bet we’ll be back for some more goodies! Gotta get my housewife on. I can’t be accidentally poisoning Karkat with some undercooked cake.”

“You’ve poisoned me with every meal of your’s, except the Kraft Mac and Cheese, but only because Roxy helped you,” Karkat spat.

“Oh well, we certainly can’t have that. I’ll be seeing you both again soon then. Have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year!”

It was dark by the time they were home. Karkat and Dave both felt the sleepiness enter the body, as they kept yawning. It was too late to decorate the tree, so it was leaned against a corner. The pair immediately plopped down onto the couch and put on a holiday classic, Tim Allen’s “The Santa Clause,” which Dave argued was the best Christmas movie known to mankind, trollkind, and carpaciankind alike.

“Y’know, I never imagined that I would celebrate Christmas. Like, dude, that shit was mads uncool,” Dave said out of the blue, interrupting the beautiful sound of Tim Allen interacting with CGI reindeers and kidnapped children.

Karkat groaned, “Well, me either, yet here I am, celebrating a dumb holiday for dumb human grubs.” He was just trying to enjoy this wonderful holiday film, but with Dave, silence didn’t last long. In a way, it provided comfort to the pair. He knew that Dave absolutely hated the silence, as it reminded him of his Bro. For Karkat, Dave’s endless rambling allowed him to take his mind off of his worries. It was an odd relationship, one that had taken years to achieve, but here they were… they had made it, yet Karkat knew there were still shaky moments for the two of them. Like now, for example. The pair both would jump around certain barriers, trying desperately to aid one another, while still attempting to not dig too deep.

Dave rested his head upon Karkat’s thighs and snuggled into the pile of blankets, reminding him of their time on the meteor, “Y’know, I wouldn’t have this whole thing any other way. ‘M glad my first Christmas is with you, instead of Bro.” His words are slurred together and slightly muffled, and Karkat can’t help the stupid ass blush that creeps onto his face at the sound of them.

“Fuck that guy,” Karkat spits. After a moment, he starts again, this time with a gentler tone, “And it’s nice to have you here too, no matter how fucking dumb your endless rants may be.”

Dave could almost hear Dirk whispering “Tsundere” in his ear as he chuckled, “Awe, love you too, KitKat.” He sits back up, nearly smacking the top of his head into Karkat’s jaw. He looks away for a second, briefly hesitating, then leans in, closing the distance between the pair. It’s just a brief peck, but it leaves the two of them speechless. Dave looks at Karkat through his shades. A light brush coated his cheeks and his lips curled into a small grin.

Karkat pulls Dave into his side and looks towards the corner of the living room, where their small, fat tree is leaning against the wall. It was empty and in desperate need of attention (aka Crustacean ornaments). Filled with a sudden burst of energy, he paused the movie and stood up, pulling Dave with him, “Get off your lazy ass and get fucking festive. We have a tree to decorate.”

#hsss2019 #homestuckss #dykeiatrist #homestuck #pesterquest #hiveswap #karkat vantas #dave strider #davekat #jane crocker

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pesterloglog · 6 months

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Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 5815-5819

GG: Is everything ok?

TG: yeah he just wanted to make sure i dont hate him like yall do which you dont even

GG: I... see.

TG: so im just talking to him a bit to help him not feel bad

TG: sorry

GG: That's ok.

GG: You were saying?

TG: i was gonna say why i finally quit drinkin

TG: i mean if you want to know

GG: Yes.

GG: Actually, once you did stop, it made me finally realize it was a problem for you for a long time.

GG: And I didn't say anything at the time, but it made me wonder if I wasn't doing the right thing before.

GG: By failing to point out you might have a problem? Or just going along with it and participating in lively banter any time you clearly had too much to drink?

GG: Was I just being a bad friend?

TG: nah it wasnt your responsibility to fix my shit

TG: and anyway i think i made it hard for anyone to come at me like it was a real problem

TG: i was always joking around so much and havin a good time like kind of overzealously so

TG: that i probably just made people feel like a shitty wet blanket for even mentioning it

GG: How long do you think it's been a problem?

TG: i dont know its hard to say exactly when i started getting real carried away

TG: just at some point i discovered a load of my moms centurys old booze in the house

TG: and i didnt have much to relate to her by except her books

TG: so i felt like drinking was a way to be more like her

TG: or be closer to her kinda

TG: and there was nobody around except the silly chess people

TG: who in a way just made me feel more alone

TG: cause they reminded me i was only one of two humans left and the other was an ocean away

TG: so little by little

TG: i got out of hand

TG: and one of the only things i had to look forward to was the idea that the game was supposed to be able to bring my mom back

TG: assuming i even decided to help the batterwitch out by playing at all

GG: But it turned out you couldn't bring her back. At least not the way you thought.

GG: So what was it that made you finally decide to give it up?

TG: well

TG: thats pretty much what it was

TG: when i first went to lopan i saw my sprite there

TG: so i got out my bottle of momslime and was all ready for the bestest most poignant reunion ever

TG: and thats when the juggalo struck

TG: and i just knew the witch had fucked me over AGAIN

TG: cause what other hag is insane enough to get juggalos to do her dirty biz nigh exclusively???

TG: NO HAGS BUT HER

TG: and i was so pissed and so distraught about that goddamn clown squandering my sprite

TG: so i got crazy drunk and felt the super sorriest for myself i ever did

TG: but little did i know there would be a lovely silver lining to the debacle

GG: Dear, sweet, precious Fefeta!

TG: :3

TG: she became a great friend

TG: and whats more was she told me not to worry

TG: that my mom would be comin anyway and all i had to do was wait a while

TG: and i believed her cause she knew stuff + was THA BEST

TG: so thats when i decided to clean up my act

TG: i didnt want her to meet a sloppy embarrassing mess of a daughter

TG: even if she did like to drink at some point it was kind of a childish idea that doing so myself would make me closer to her or help us bond or whatever

TG: anyway i think i might of overestimated her drinkin habits

TG: she sure didnt look like no drunk

TG: oh!

TG: jane did i mention

TG: i saw her in a dream today!

GG: No!

TG: shes real young tho

TG: like our age

TG: and she looks so pretty and happy

TG: not like a girl w booze challenges

TG: i think her fav color must be orange just like dirk

TG: she was wearin the same sunny orange nighty deal i caught a glimpse of her in v briefly another time

TG: and oh...

TG: she also called me mom?

GG: Huh?

TG: huh is right

TG: u know im really not sure if shes actually my mom

TG: but i do know were totes genetically related somehow

TG: i just think theres more to it than we know

GG: I guess we'll find out!

GG: Whoa...

GG: The whole place was shaking for a moment there.

TG: wut

#homestuck #jane crocker #roxy lalonde #homestuck act 6 #page 5815 #page 5816 #page 5817 #page 5818 #page 5819 #homestuck act 6 act 5 #homestuck act 6 act 5 act 1 x2

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abundantchewtoys · 4 years

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Homestuck Candy p28-32 re: Vriska (Vriska)

Oh, while talking to Blaperile I understand I was wrong about the amount of time having past.

It's still 10 years since John talked with Terezi, aka 15 years since Harry Anderson was born.

So John is about... 39 now, I believe. Wow.

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Page 28

Ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahah

Okay so a) Bad move, Karkat, starting a war on Harry Anderson's birthday :P Then again, things tend to happen on people's birthday all the time, Homestuck just makes a habit out of it being protagonists' birthdays.

but b) B) 8)!!!!!!

Ohhhhh boy.

Actual, alive Vriska is IN DA HOUSE.

Though, still mortally wounded, so we'll just have to see how that turns out.

But, uh....

John says he sees a younger version of her all the time.

But Vriska Lalonde is nearing sixteen, so she's not really THAT much younger any way.

It's written in the stars now that Vriska (Vriska) and Vriska (also Vriska) are going to meet up now.

Vriska doesn't acknowledge John's aged at all, she just wants to go back to seeing what happened in the Meat timeline.

Dang though.

Seems no human ghosts have fallen AT ALL since the start of this event. Does that mean they ALL double-died at the hands, I mean breath, of Lord English?

Not sure if Vriska will want to have any part with what's happening here. She craves RELEV8NCE, and that isn't something to be found here. But everyone that has fallen off the relevance wagon ends up on Earth C.

Though I still suspect she's going to be brought before Karkat and Meenah.

Still, if VRISKA survived... It's starting to be a dead given that Davepeta and LE are in coming. D:

Random thought: does this mean that Alt Calliope's black hole opens up portals to Earth C to "protect" itself, in a twisted version of the Battlefield connecting to the universe that spawns the session?

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Page 29

qsdfkqlsdflmkqsdfjqsdmlkdfqslkmddfjlkqsfsqlkjsdlk HE'S COMING. HE'S COMING.

So, this is the actual purpose Calliope was looking forward to, for what's been like, 11 years or whatever?: to protect this world from Lord English.

This is the ACTUAL final battle!!! WHO'D HAVE THUNK THIS WOULD HAPPEN IN THE CANDY PATH.

<joke>How does she expect to await him, when he's ALREADY HERE.</joke>

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Page 30

HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

So.

Yeah, Dad Crocker WAS still alive, just a non-entity. Jane appointed him Chief Of Staff??? Why??? The man just loves cakes and capers. She's really so ignorant on things.

But it figures, that he'd go out in a blaze. Goddamn hero right there.

Reminds me of Jake jumping in front of Jane in the Game Over timeline, too.

But if it's true, dang. What a gruesome faith.

And this is the final straw that breaks Jane. She's in full on empress-mode now.

Didn't think Gamzee'd actually try to appeal to her better nature here, though. He honestly seemed like a big bad vizier corrupting her and her family.

But he made an unexpectedly honest impression on me, here. Just goes to figure that it'd take desperation for me to believe him. I mean, he still filled in his "redemption" all wrong of course. But if he really has nightmares, like the trolls used to have courtesy of Glb'golyb... And he doesn't want to use soporifics anymore to suppress them... Then yeah, yeah I can actually finally understand why'd try to find a good substitute.

Still, breast milk? Enormously gross. Though I suppose it's that Alternian influence, via Equius he was engrained with the idea that musclebeasts' and other dairy excretions have special properties. Ughh.

I can only hope Jake has a better chance of being his best now. Then again, when they first hooked up he hadn't. Maybe - just maybe - all these years passed have made him a bit more likely to stand up.

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Page 31

Oh god, hahahahahahahahahah ahaahahahahhahahgna ahahhaha.

This just here. Perfection.

Vriska, stripped of her relevance and dignity.

So offput by her fate, so determined to change it. It's the karmic fate she deserved, actually, being relegated to obscurity. I mean, she'll probably find a way out - might not be able to take it, though.

This is very cathartic to John, though. Venting at Vriska, another alive person from beyond canon.

ALSO, I had thought of the metaphor of the event horizon too! Nothing that happens on Earth C matters, so everything that ends up on Earth C is irrelevant by its very nature!

Man oh man, the battle is starting in earnest. I do wonder what the first real casuality in the circle of people we know, after Dirk and Dad, is going to be, though.

Also, just. Motherfucking Gamzee. Hahah, it's true Vriska's in for some redemption, but he's the last person that anyone would want to hear it from.

The next convo between them could be GLORIOUS. Depending on how valid all his points end up being.

Also, Vriska becoming (Vriska)? *chef's kiss* Magnificent.

---

Page 32

Well.

You CAN'T keep down the clown, it's been proven once again.

Though. Ugh. Gamzee is disgusting. Too bad that for trolls, that's a lecherous attribute in the black quadrant.

What would Game Over Terezi have to say about this though.

Poor (Vriska), the effects of being outside canon are already taking hold on her.

Yes, John, best to look away.

Still, it was funny to imagine John rating all the kicks and punches she threw at Gamzee, naming them after moves handed out by Jake, and received by him as well, during his shows.

---

Chances are, this is the last page we’ll read for the coming time. Well, if we had wanted to end it on a high point, we should’ve not read that last page. :P

#homestuck #homestuck candy #reaction #homestuck epilogues #liveblogging homestuck #john egbert #vriska serket #dead-jade #alt calliope #(vriska) (serket)#gamzee makara #jane crocker #dad crocker #jake english

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crouton-knight · 5 years

Link

Chapters: 7/? Fandom: Homestuck Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, John Egbert/Roxy Lalonde, John Egbert & Karkat Vantas, John Egbert & Jake English, Kanaya Maryam & Karkat Vantas Characters: Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, John Egbert, Roxy Lalonde, Jane Crocker, Dirk Strider, Jake English Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Slavery, Master/Slave, Kingdomstuck, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Alternate Universe - No Game, Trolls (Homestuck), Worldbuilding, Alternate Universe - Derse/Prospit Royalty, Derse and Prospit, Fictional Religion & Theology, Explicit Language, Language Barrier, Language Kink, Accents, Camp Nanowrimo, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Explicit Sexual Content, Sexual Slavery, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Non-Human Genitalia, Threats of Violence, Mild Gore, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Gore, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Stockholm Syndrome, Isolation, Nightmares, Poisoning, Manipulation, Emotional Manipulation, Necromancy, Partial Mind Control, Magical Charisma, Prophetic Dreams, Dubious Ethics Summary:

Prospit has conquered Derse and its noble houses.

Dirk Strider, King of Derse, gives himself to the Emperor of Prospit as a plaything, hoping to save the few people he calls family.

Dave Strider, second to the throne, is given to a Prospitian General he can't bring himself to hate, and even he doesn't understand why.

Roxy Lalonde, royal alchemist, finds her craft and her skill in the employ of the Emperor's younger brother, working for him in a bid for freedom.

Rose Lalonde, royal seer, finds an unlikely ally in a Prospitian noblewoman, trading secrets of the future for something that could be love.

Interconnected stories of appearances kept, expectations faced, and people broken and remade.

(Camp NaNoWrimo July 2019 entry)

Camp NaNo is almost over but we are still waaaaay beyond any actual smut. I’ll mark it as finished if I reach 30k words by the end of the month, and probably try to finish the actual story around NaNoWriMo proper. Wish me luck!

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autumnblogs · 3 years

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Day 53: Homosuck

https://homestuck.com/story/6244

Caliborn’s work is a parody of Homestuck, the very webcomic which he inhabits. On another note, just as happened nearly 200 pages ago, the Comic has again suffered a hostile takeover by another narrator.

I wonder what the point of this is other than to call attention to the existence of a narrator? It certainly helps us to get a better sense for what is specific to the tone of Andrew’s narration. In the case of Caliborn, it should be immediately apparent that he is a hostile narrator; he doesn’t have the best interest of his charges in mind.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/6247

The general rule with God Tier powers seems to be that they allow Gods to either interact with their environment umediated by gaming abstractions, or give them some level of heightened awareness of the narrative layer.

https://homestuck.com/story/6252

You, Me, and Him, are all the Same Guy. The Author, the Audience, and the Narrator are One.

https://homestuck.com/story/6257

While Caliborn is generally conceived of as being an asshole fan, I’ve always kind of gotten the impression that he’s a manifestation of Andrew’s internal critic. Like, is this what Andrew thinks of himself? A lame self-indulgent fraud who makes his job look way easier than it is?

A guy who just likes to fuck with people? Perhaps.

https://homestuck.com/story/6265

We see this immediately after John has reached into the Juju and come unmoored from Canon, and while John isn’t literally dead, due to the fact that he has been alienated from one of the few experiences that is pretty much universal - subordination to fate - couldn’t we describe John’s condition as a kind of Death and Rebirth? Hmm.

John is Dead; Long live John.

https://homestuck.com/story/6266

So Caliborn is in charge of the narrative now; and not for no reason. Even though we’re going to get the Supercartridge expansion shortly, here’s what we should expect - what Caliborn narrates here will be parallel to what happens in the actual story.

The reality is that, Caliborn’s narration, and his will to dominate everything has been manifest in canon all along, predetermining the material and immaterial conditions that governs the lives of the characters. Everything from the patriarchy, to the haemospectrum - within the narrative of Homestuck, that’s all Caliborn’s doing, directly or indirectly. He may not be the originator of it - it could be, like a Juju, just this thing comprised of arbitrary rules with no comprehensible origin - but he is the prime mover of hegemony and hierarchy in the universe.

https://homestuck.com/story/6278

Time for some more horrible glitches.

I believe that the glitches in the session, and the hostile takeover by an evil narrator correspond to the emotional condition of the protagonists - their despair is metaphysically intertwined with the collapse of the conditions of the reality that they inhabit.

Just as Terezi’s decision to go kill Vriska, and Rose’s decision to go kill Jack Noir correspond to the deterioration of Homestuck act the end of Act 5, the complete misery of everyone involved with the resumed session here midway through Act 6 causes the narrative itself to have a dissociative episode.

Everyone is too sad and angry, and as such, cannot currently be conveyed in a less shitty fashion.

https://homestuck.com/story/6293

So, here’s something interesting.

When Jade dies, she dies a Just death. Squashed underneath her own house like the Wicked Witch of the West.

What are we to gather from this? I think what we are to gather is that, while she is certainly being manipulated by her Imperious Condescension, we should take from her behavior that Jade is doing what she wants to do. She is considered to be basically responsible for her actions by her author.

We already know that Jade has anger issues, loves to be in control, and has doggy urges. I think in the same way that Crocker-Tier Jane helps to reveal a lot of the issues that Jane has buried deep down, Grimbark Jade helps us to see that all is not well in Waffleville with Jade.

https://homestuck.com/story/6302

Yet another little detail I missed on my previous readthroughs; Dave hasn’t said much explicitly in Act 6 but the fact that he has confronted how he really feels about Bro is manifest - the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff graffiti he drew in his bedroom in his sleep is now visible while he’s awake too.

https://homestuck.com/story/6313

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Dave doesn’t have an insincere bone in his body. He is, as Nepeta might put it, a guy who likes to play games.

https://homestuck.com/story/6314

Poor guy’s reaction to his own emotions is one of guilt and shame - he literally cringes when John appears from nowhere and catches him in his little outburst.

https://homestuck.com/story/6323

I wonder exactly what is making Dave have such an emotional reaction to encountering Caledfwlch again. Like, is it just Sburb-trauma? Is it really a Karkatian outburst? Is his specific ire directed at his quest related to his rejection of his Bro’s worldview? I think any or all of those things could be true, but I don’t have an opinion formed yet.

https://homestuck.com/story/6327

Two things.

I think it’s fascinating that, in spite of her enjoyment of nasty clowns, the Condesce’s emissaries do actually express a way with words in terms of conveying her desires. Maybe this is the classy sophistication that Dirk talks about.

Also, attacking Karkat’s failure to breed a healthy frog is really the lowest blow possible. She’s the only one he confided that in.

https://homestuck.com/story/6349

Rose is completely awash. She has been since her Mom died, of course, with the exception of some brief moments of absolutely necessary sobriety. But she hasn’t had a clue what she’s supposed to do with herself ever since her Mom died, and it’s absolutely destroying her.

https://homestuck.com/story/6382

Think we’ll pause here for the evening.

As always, it is a pleasure to be your guide through this human emotion called Homestuck.

I beat Manus, Father of the Abyss for the first time in Dark Souls today, at least the “Right” way. You can cheese him by shooting him with huge arrows from outside of his boss arena, but I’m pretty stoked about it. Oh yeah, in case I haven’t mentioned (and I think I probably have), aside from the fact that I am a Homestuck aficionado, my more impressive credential is that I have, in fact, beaten Dark Souls.

Anyway, enough of that horseshit. See you tomorrow, Same Cam Time, Same Cam Channel.

#liveblogging #commentary

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