#in which ava comes back way sooner

[mpliego]

If someone asked me at the end I'd tell them, "Put me back in it" Darlin', I would do it again, If I could hold you for a minute Darlin', I'd go through it again, I would still be surprised I could find you, darlin' In any life

[drghostwrite]

Next Time We’re Driving…

Pairing: Arizona robbins x reader

Summary: Arizona and her wife are world class surgeons, recently they decided to take a vacation but in the process of their flight things take a turn for the worst. Can Arizona overcome her fear and PTSD from the crash? Can they save lives while 30,000 feet in the air?

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You looked up from your phone watching as the flight attendants scurried to make sure everyone was on and closed the doors, you heard one of them start to make the announcement welcoming you all to the flight and explaining emergency plans. You could feel the plane start to move down the runway preparing for take-off, you felt a hand grip your thigh and looked over at your wife.

"Arizona, are you sure you're going to be okay?" you said taking her hand in yours, she squeezed you back, but couldn't take her eyes off the window she was currently staring out.

"I think so just need to get in the air, I need this to be a smooth flight."

"Arizona, look at me..." she ripped her eyes off the window and turned to you, "It'll be okay, I promise, i know it's hard but just take a deep breath." she slowly nodded at you then leaned her head on your shoulder wrapping her other arm around yours, you leaned your head down on hers letting her know you weren't going anywhere. a few moments later the plane started to lift off which can always be a little rocky and you felt she gripped your hand tighter leaning into you, you bent placing a kiss on her forehead realizing that her eyes were squeezed shut. "Breathe baby just breathe."

About an hour later and everything was going smoothly, Arizona had settled back in her seat and after nightmares the night prior she even started to get some sleep, though she still tightly held onto your hand. Perks of flying first class was that she could sleep uninterrupted and she had a little more room, though all hopes were quickly squashed when a flight attendant came up to you.

"Ma'am... I, uh... I saw your shirt." she said motioning to the 1/4 zip that you had on, you had left so early that you just threw on whatever was comfortable, not realizing that it read "Angels Memorial Hospital Trauma dept."

"Yea?"

"Are you a doctor?"

"I'm a trauma surgeon, is everything okay?"

"Can I just have you follow me?"

"Um sure," Arizona shifted when she felt the loss of your hand, you leaned down to whisper that you'd be right back. Before turning to follow the flight attendant.

"It's normal for people to be scared of flying."

"Yea well unfortunately my wife hasn't had the best luck with planes before.

"Oh?"

"She was involved in a crash a few years back, this is her first time back on a flight."

"That's understandable then," she said pushing the dividing curtains aside, guiding you through sections of people, a lot of them watching movies or sleeping, slowly the sections held less passengers, everything seemed pretty still until you stepped into one section at the back of the plane.

Suddenly you understood why she needed you, before you was a young mom, face contorted in pain a flight attendant was squatted down next to her, trying to talk to her while looking extremely worried.

"So this is why we need a doctor..."

"Okay, that's okay," you said nodding to her but quickly you made you way over and squatted down in front of the mom, "Hey mama how're we feeling?"

"I'm not sure, not good."

“That’s okay, sweetheart what’s your name?”

“Ava.”

"Okay Ava, I'm Dr. Y/N Sinclair, just call me Y/N... can you tell me what exactly you're feeling?"

"I um... I started to feel some cramping, thought it was a false alarm but it's been getting worse, and my water broke."

"How long ago did your water break?"

"an hour ago..." spoke the second flight attendant.

“Why didn’t you come get me sooner?”

“We thought we had this handled… we’ve all watched the training video.”

“A training video?” They both nodded. “Okay yea no.”

“But…”

“Look right now I need you to go back to my seat and get my wife, calmly bring her back here and tell her I have it handled.”

“okay.” Said the first attendant before scurrying off, “okay Ava what I’m going to need from you is to try and relax your muscles, I’m gonna need to get your pants off so I can examine you.

“okay.” She said softly, fear plaguing her features.

it wasn’t long after that you had examined her and found that she was extremely close to having her baby and no sooner Arizona came bursting through into the small room.

“Hey what do we have?” She said placing a steady hand on your back, and kneeling down next to you.

“Um can I talk to you?” You said to her motioning your head back through the curtain, she slowly nodded reading your eyes and guided you back the flight attendants rushing to the young girls side.

once you were in the next rows and out of earshot, Arizona spoke up, “so preterm labor?”

“yea and by the looks of it 8-10 weeks early.” You said concerned.

“Is that confirmed?”

“not yet as soon as I saw her I sent for you, Arizona she’s young but you know how labor is and bleeding I’m concerned for that… you know what a nose bleed is like let alone having a baby.”

“True, though even in the best case this could strain the baby with the pressurized cabin.”

“So what’re we thinking we can try to put it off as long as possible but with her water having already broken our hands are tied.”

“Yea, okay so let’s try to prevent it with emergency landing, if worst comes then I’ll walk you through delivery and when baby is born you get mom and I’ll take care of baby.” She said trying to put you at ease, you’d seen to many trauma cases and knew to always fear the worst which you dealt with but usually you were in a state of the art hospital with any supplies you’d need, not 30,000 feet in the air in a flying pressurized death trap.

“okay and if i need more hands, we’ll see if there are any other nurses or doctors on board.” You said nodding to her.

“that’s the plan… we got this, I love you Y/N, it’ll be okay.” She said kissing you before she could say anything else you heard Ava calling your name. you looked at Arizona before turning and running back intothe room.

"Y/N!... Dr. Sinclair!"

"Ava, I'm here what's wrong?"

"It's-It's the baby."

"okay...okay."

"I-I feel like I need to push... Oh god, I feel like I need to push." you looked up at Arizona who was standing over your shoulder, and she nodded down to you.

"Okay Ava, I need you to listen to me... this is my wife Dr. Arizona Robbins she's going to help me, we're going to deliver your baby and then she's going to take care of your baby while I take care of you." she nodded at you, sweat dripping down her features as she strained through another contraction, arizona got behind her coaching her through as you helped her get into postion, pulling on gloves that you had found and pulling some other supplies close.

---time jump---

"Okay Ava one last push... one more and you meet your baby." she grunted one last time letting out a scream, you held her baby in your arms, quickly handing him to Arizona and then focusing back on the young mother in front of you.

2 hours later and you had landed and Mom and baby were en route to the closest hospital.

"Next time we're definitely driving."

"and yet I still feel like chaos tends to find us." you both laughed.

[ksiondzkanexkiii]

MAYBE YOU'RE NOT A BAD PERSON

Found story on wattpad, neobook or tumblr

Next chapter (24)

CHAPTER TWENTY-THIRD

John Price knew that there were many ways to go through grief, he never questioned how Jinx was going through her mourning however, he didn't like the fact that she had become more oppressive which he didn't like. And a lot, but he couldn't chastise her for going through grief he could only stand beside her in the most difficult moments and keep her spirits up.

He understood that she did not want to talk to him about the fire, she was experiencing it all quietly. However, when she did say something to him she was more abrasive than always he had a fear that she had returned to her old habits and her curiosity about the normal world and her desire to change was gone along with Eric and Ava.

He sat at the table, a mug of steaming tea standing in front of him as he stared dully at the sky outside the window. He hadn't entered Jinx's zone, hadn't gone into her room since he'd left his paints and canvas there. Garrick's advice he took to heart saw that it was probably the only way to get the teenager to open up to him without having to speak. But she wouldn't leave the room, and that's where a gigantic problem arose.

He didn't even know if she had drawn anything on the canvas, but he didn't go into her room. Or should he? He asked himself this question every morning, and his worried eyes glanced at the door of the teenager's room every time he left his bedroom. Even books no longer relaxed him, his thoughts kept drifting back to the teenager, who sat locked in her room twenty-four hours a day only coming out when she was hungry, thirsty or needed to take care of herself in the bathroom.

She didn't even wash herself, Price felt as if she had lost her purpose for wanting to socialize. And this bothered him, of course he had seen other soldiers survive the loss of a friend or even family however every time he saw these souls broken by the mortality of having their loved ones taken from them

It was tearing him apart

But he knew he couldn't change it, he regretted that he couldn't show the middle finger to death and laugh death right in the face. As long as death has a face...

He knew when he needed to give someone space to express his emotions and he knew when to approach and support a person in a given crisis situation, but now? He didn't know, at the same time a part of him wanted to help the teenager and the other part of him was screaming in his ear to take the plunge and he began to further socialize the teenager hard, the sooner he finished and social services considered her , "safe" the better for him

Regain peace at home

The tea that stood in front of him had already cooled down, but his fingers were still tapping deafeningly against the porcelain of the mug. His thoughts drifted away and his blue eyes only told how far away he was on the sea of thoughts, but his attention did not escape the fact that the door of the teenage girl's room was opening. He had questions to ask her, although he did not think too much about them, but his head was cluttered with thoughts

He listened to the quiet footsteps of the teenager, who was heading toward the kitchen probably to brew herself another batch of tea, which apparently calmed her down and at the same time make herself something to eat. John swallowed his saliva hard as he tore his gaze away from the window to look at the teenager, who stood like a pillar of salt in the doorway from the kitchen, staring at him.

And she almost felt stupid, she disheveled and unwashed stood before him in dirty clothes the same ones she had four days ago. Her breath could have killed even a rodent. The blue shirt that accentuated her blue eyes, which were now without any sparkle, not even the faintest glint of mischief.

As if someone had erased that glint in the eye

Her skin was paler than usual due to the fact that she didn't get out of the house much, Price let her stay home he didn't want to send her to school when she hadn't gone through mourning yet and not sure how she would behave he feared some kind of fight caused by her not being able to keep her emotions in check. Her red plaid pajama pants covered her legs, which were crossed as if she was holding her urine to keep from peeing in her pants

And him, sitting there in fresh clothes and a freshly trimmed beard those two familiar mutton patches on the side of his cheeks connecting under his mouth and nose. That familiar beard almost made Jinx curse and dream at night, at the same time he was dreaming for her and behind every dream she called a nightmare she could find solace in his arms.

However, by no means will he admit that he needs help, the first rule of the street

No one cares about your feelings

Street rule number two

Don't trust anyone and they will leave you sooner or later anyway.

He sat there dressed in a navy blue short-sleeved shirt that hugged his muscles to show them off even more, he was wearing short shorts. His body glowed with sweat as if he had just returned from a workout

Did he go jogging without her?

They looked at each other quite awkwardly, she began to play with the hem of her shirt as she automatically began to make herself something to eat and put water on for tea. She did this automatically without even noticing how her muscles were tense, her spine was straightened like a taut rope, the air from her lungs escaping so fast that she couldn't keep up with taking in a new portion.

- Jinx? - called out quietly the captain watching her whether she liked it or not, he leaned in gently and crossed his arms on the table. He watched her carefully nothing escaped his watchful eye sometimes he felt like a falcon looking out for its prey, but he didn't want the teenager to feel like she was prey.

In a way she was, but he knew Jinx didn't want to be treated that way. Maybe he hadn't known her long and a few months... Well maybe it had been close to a year or so since he had arrived, he didn't even know when her birthday had been

Why did he think of her birthday now?

He had no clue, however, this question interested and slightly frightened him, because did he miss her birthday?

When the teenager did not respond and still made food he decided to use a louder tone - Jinx - he called out louder gently tilting his head hoping to see her face walker side profile, but nothing of that she stubbornly stood with her back to him. As he watched her a familiar smell of nicotine and smoke hit his nostrils, he now did not have a cigar within reach even in the morning he had not lit a cigar so it was not from him that the smoke stank

- Jinx - he called out even louder he saw the teenage girl's shoulder blades almost join together as she tensed up - Look at me - he commanded her, her hair was greasy and her curls were tousled more than usual even the messy bun at the base of her neck could not mask the fact that her hair was in a deplorable state

She did not obey his command - I told you something - he continued to order and she still ignored him even did not say anything back to him as she had been in the habit for the last few days, he gently sighed giving up trying to order her he adopted a different strategy - I want to help you Jinx and you push me away - he began to speak more calmly watching her

- I don't need your help Price," she almost hissed these words and her voice didn't even resemble a whisper, but it was all softly spoken, "I don't need anyone's help," she added finally looking over her shoulder at him

She sent him a brief meaningful look. She may have said that she didn't need help and pretended to be tough, but deep down she felt lost and alone, that all good things would one day end again, and she didn't want to let him closer to her so that he wouldn't have to die in agony. She brought bad luck and did not want to put this curse on him

So she went back to her cold walls that she had torn down at the time of meeting him, of course she had the desire to socialize especially after she met a group of friends however now that two of her five friends had died she no longer felt the need to socialize.

- Everyone needs help at some point," Price began to say and Jinx merely giggled humorlessly at his words

- Only the weak need help," she muttered under her breath, speaking more to herself than to him. The captain furrowed his eyebrows of course he heard her words he was not old enough not to understand her words

- Even the strongest needs -

- Support? -

- Yes -

- Then push this putty to everyone else and not to me - she growled throwing the knife on the countertop turning on her heel to look at him, the captain raised an eyebrow hearing her tone of voice. He didn't like it - I'm too old to hear it anymore," she added after a moment much quieter than before.

The captain was silent for a while his thoughts drifted away and the roles were reversed now Jinx was looking at his reaction however after a while she turned around to continue making herself food. She wanted to get it over with and hole up in her room again, she didn't realize that the captain was pondering whether Jinx smoked he could still smell the cigarettes.

After a while he moved his chair away from the table where he was sitting, raised his body Jinx did not pay attention to what the captain was doing she was too focused on slicing the cucumber. The captain simply leaned over her pulling his nose hard, it was from her that he smelled cigarettes and now he had confirmation that his nose was not deceiving

- You've been smoking - muttered the captain just above her ear, stated such an obvious fact that Jinx's face dropped, but she still guffawed that she didn't care and that she didn't know what he meant - Jinx. He smells cigarettes - stated again such an obvious fact that Jinx did not know what lie to come up with, she had to think fast

- Something is wrong with your nose," she muttered under her breath, "I didn't smoke and even if I did I don't have anything to smoke with," she sent him a bored look, not at all that when she went to set fire to Eric's hideout on the way she robbed the drunk people she saw along the way, Jinx seemed to have dreamed it however, when she woke up the next morning the guitar was still under the bed and in her pockets she had a lot of wallets and packs of cigarettes sometimes she came across a full pack sometimes a few cigarettes were missing.

- Jinx," growled the captain dangerously, his irritation boiling over, even the tips of his ears turned red as he tried to restrain his anger, "Don't make an idiot of me," he threatened her, standing behind her and looking down at her, an unpleasant cold shiver ran down Jinx's back as she felt his gaze on her.

The same assessing gaze she felt every time she opened the window and lit a new cigarette, she may have been alone in the room at the time however it felt like someone was watching her from the shadows. Somehow she didn't care about it however it wasn't one of the most pleasant, but for the unhealthy nicotine smoke she ignored it. As long as she delivered a new dose of harmful homes

- I'm not making an idiot out of you, I wouldn't even dream of it," she sneered, snorted under her breath without amusement setting cucumbers on the sandwich she had made for herself, she was already about to take the plate with the sandwiches when the captain's hand found itself on her forearm

- You're not going," he muttered, "We'll talk first," he added after a moment, he did not give her room for discussion brazenly snatched the plate with sandwiches from her hands to put them back on the counter and he led her over to the chair where he had been sitting moments earlier, "I don't hear you say the word , "No," he said as he himself sat down at the table opposite her

He leaned forward and crossed his arms again on the table top she sat across from him quite awkwardly, her hands were under the table her nails were effectively finding dry cuticles to pluck. Stupid nervous habit, she must quit it at some point.

- Then what do you want from me? - She sighed looking unhappy that she was put in this situation, she may have been more oppressive and snarky, but sometimes she didn't even have the strength to pretend to be , "strong" and , "brave" anymore if she had to be like that at all

- Talk," the captain raised an eyebrow, "That difficult? - He asked sarcastically at the same time rhetorically, the teenager only rolled her eyes. She raised her hands and rested them on the table top to push off and stand up

- Sit down - ordered her captain and the British accent became even more apparent than usual, this only showed how annoyed he already was. The teenager only looked at him with a raised eyebrow, however, she still stood, but did not make any move, not even a word was spoken - I ask for something - he added after a while John's blue eyes looked at her as if they were about to kill her

If sight could kill

She would be dead by now

- This request and so I will not listen to your request," she smiled innocently, when she finished her sentence, she was about to grab the plate of sandwiches again

- Jinx - Price hit the table with a song, causing the teenager to jump up, if that was the way things were going he was not afraid to use more drastic measures. Of course he wouldn't hurt her, he had no intention of doing so he only intended to scare her - Sit down - he growled again

Jinx pondered for a moment more, she could take a chance and play on his nose still not listening to him. As if she had earplugs in her ears, she looked into his eyes that could kill her with their sharpness she bit the inside of her cheek she was torn between the choice of listening to him and optionally not getting punished

Or

Disobey it and have problems later

When she looked at the door she was considering the two options and the captain knew it well - If you don't listen," he began to say and she tore her gaze away from the door frame to send him a cold look

- If you already want to threaten me come up with something interesting," she shrugged her shoulders as if she didn't care, everything drains out of her so easily. She ignores everything - Something that will encourage me to stay and listen to your boring monologue - she added after a while again sending him an innocent smile and rabbit holes made on her freckled cheeks.

Her freckles were made more visible by the fact that she didn't get out in the sun as often, her skin also faded. The captain swallowed his saliva imperceptibly his fingers tangled against each other causing him to join his hands and press them together so hard that his knuckles turned white, he considered his every word he had to choose wisely so that she would listen to him

- He just wants to talk, I'm not asking for much Jinx," he began to speak in a tedious voice and Jinx looked up at him, standing over the table and critically assessing his every word

- Do you say that to every one of your soldiers? - she asked curiously and the Captain was slightly taken aback by this he expected any question, but not necessarily a question about the army - Because if so - Jinx dragged out her words muttering at the end, she really didn't care, she wanted to hear words that would be given only to her.

Words that only she could hear, she did not want to hear the words spoken to everyone.

 - If you let me finish, you'll see," insisted the captain hiding his annoyance at being interrupted again, he hated being interrupted, he was used to being listened to and not asking unnecessary questions, after all he is a captain, but Jinx was never interested in his military rank for her he was just a crutch that caused the opening of a new path, which was called "normal life for a teenager".

The only thing she was grateful to him for was that he let her go to school even if Annalise annoyed him... and along the way she also annoyed Jinx, but she was grateful to them for giving her the chance to go to school and finally learn to write. Maybe it wasn't easy at first because she didn't know how to write so she copied the movements of her classmates or friends optionally the teacher if he happened to be writing on the board and not dictating into a notebook

She was grateful to the teachers who wrote on the blackboard what they were supposed to transcribe and not dictate, how many times it saved her skin until she finally learned to write reasonably. She didn't know how to write, because what use is it to anyone living on the street?

Living on the street, you worry about whether you will have food for the next day or whether you will die of hypothermia in the winter.

- Well, go ahead, I'm turning into a listener," she mocked, moving her left leg gently backwards with her right hand placed on her chest leaning forward as if she was bowing to him as if he were the highest aristocracy. She sent him a mocking smile at the same time the captain snorted seeing her behavior

- I don't know how you feel," he began to speak calmly, "But he wants to help you," at these words Jinx rolled her eyes, how many times she heard these words until she wanted to vomit when she heard these words, "I can't let you rot in this room, he wants to know what's going on," he said in a stern tone seeing her behavior

He was not blind or stupid, he saw the dangerous glint in her eye as if he was treading on a thin line to fully annoy her - Besides," he pointed his finger at her, a little rudely thought the teenager, "You stink of cigarettes, you pretend that you did not smoke them however, you smell of smoke," he accused her quietly sighing and shaking his head in disappointment

- You could have masked the stench of smoke better is first of all," he began to enumerate even lifting his finger up, after a while he added another finger, "Secondly, you don't leave the room, and when you do you go to the bathroom or the kitchen," he continued to enumerate and Jinx's muscles were getting stiff and ready to run away

She felt like a deer ready to run away - What are you getting at Captain? - she asked quietly, but dangerously, as if she wanted to bark out to him the most vulgar words she could get out of herself - What else do you want to reproach me with? - she almost growled at him and her blood was boiling

- He wants to help, I already said that," he sighed, "But I was waiting for you to give me a signal when to help you however you don't do that," he explained calmly pulling the cup towards him, with the tea he had left on the table earlier, the tea was already icy but still drinkable he took a small sip gently contorting his face as the cold drink invaded the inside of his cheeks

- She doesn't need it," she wanted to continue her statement but the captain raised his hand and silenced her

- Help?  - he mocked - Yes you said it already - he teased her, looking at her briefly and then at the mug of tea he held in his hand, the quiet clink of the clatter of the porcelain against each other cut the momentary silence that had formed between them - If you want to lie, lie to someone else - he looked at her seriously

- But don't lie to me. Remember this - this time it was he who sent her an innocent smile in the shape of a "v" Jinx only twisted her lips in a grimace hearing the words of the captain and seeing his innocent smile - What is bothering you Jinx? - he asked straightforwardly, effectively making Jinx even more eager to leave the kitchen, but her muscles seemingly ready to escape did not even move an inch or a walker a millimeter

- Nothing is bothering me Captain," she muttered and her mixed accent was more audible to the captain, he knew she was lying. The purple bags under her eyes did not match her at the same time it was the sunken eyes that told him the whole story of what the teenager was going through

- Your mouth says something else, your body language says something else and your appearance says something else Jinx," he sighed looking down at her, "You can lie even to yourself thinking everything is fine," he leaned back and when his back met the back of the chair he crossed his arms over his chest

- Fuck," whispered the teenager her arguments were running out, as much as she wanted to end the conversation something told her that this was the last moment she could beg for help. She wondered whether to take advantage of this fact or not, she looked towards the window that was next to them opposite the door that only called her to run away like a frightened deer, she looked at the sky and the birds that flew in the clear sky.

Heaven was supposed to help her make decisions however she still felt she could not choose

- Far from hens," muttered the captain shrugging his shoulders, the teenager had to suppress the urge to giggle, "Let yourself help Jinx, I understand that," he was about to continue his statement when Jinx interrupted him again

- You don't understand shit Price," she growled again and her irritation which moments ago had stopped bubbling like the worst storm in her blood suddenly returned with redoubled force. If ships swam in her veins she was sure that the waves of blood would have sunk every ship of peace she had inside her

- Then enlighten me," he leaned forward again looking at her defiantly, "Since you're already in a position to shout at me then you're in a position to tell me what's bothering you," he said in a quiet but threatening tone, if Jinx had been smaller surely her blood would have frozen and fear would have taken over her helm causing her to flee.

If sight really could kill she would be dead, she repeated over and over in her head, but that was the truth.

Even if she wanted to deny it, she couldn't

Into a big swamp I've gotten myself into, thought the teenager looking around looking for some support in the furniture her mind was working a hundred miles an hour and the answers with which she could answer the captain multiplied so much that she couldn't keep up to judge which ones were perfect to say

- You won't understand anyway," she muttered looking at the sandwiches that were still on the kitchen counter, she had even lost her appetite for them already, "No one ever understands so why do you ask," she asked this time and not the captain, John only sighed heavily

- Don't turn the cat on its head," he threatened her quietly, "You had the urge to shout at me, you did it so let this head of yours finally understand that I'm trying to help, but you won't let me," he continued to say quietly and threateningly until Jinx got goosebumps

- Maybe he does not want your help? - she raised an eyebrow and forced herself to bring out the most innocent voice, she sent him a brief smile - Not always everyone wants help, you are a captain haven't you learned this rule? - she raised her eyebrow looking down at him while standing

- Sit down and talk to me," he commanded her and his tone of voice didn't change Come on, the captain's blue irises expressed more than just worry for her, his eyes showed something more than a cold side, but she couldn't work out what the emotion behind the coldness was.

Jinx swallowed her saliva hard but listened to him slowly sat down on the chair again sitting opposite him. She sat stiffly still ready to run away, blinking frequently and quickly another sign that she was stressed her leg under the table jumped nervously

- How are you feeling? - he asked looking at her it was a question one of a million he wanted to ask her, but he wanted to start gently. Without arguing come on and that goal failed

- Excellent - Sarcasm flowed out of Jinx's mouth as easily as if she was spreading butter on a bread roll, but even that was coming her way reluctantly - That's not what you want to ask right? - She asked raising an eyebrow she wasn't stupid she knew the captain was going to ask something she didn't like, but he wanted to start slow

- What do you want to lead to Captain Price? - She asked wrinkling her eyebrows and leaning forward to get a better look at him, he raised his hand and scratched at his beard gently crooking his arm - Something interests you, but you are afraid to ask - she mocked

- He wants to know if this fire was not your fault," he said seriously, Jinx at first thought he was joking after all why would he ask here? But when she looked at him like that she saw that he was not joking and his question was serious

Small but clearly blue eyes watched her reactions, which were quick and did not hide her surprise at first her eyebrows furrowed just enough for the wrinkles to remain then she raised her eyebrows with a mocking smile, but when she realized she was not joking her face returned to a stony side

Expressionless

Emotionless

- The fire department says there was arson," he explained, speaking quietly so as not to frighten her at the same time she wanted to look serious on the other hand her muscles were tense enough that one wrong word or move and she would run away like a frightened reindeer

- The firefighters found you and the Rodriguez siblings in the kitchen you suffered the least - he continued this time looking at her injuries her left side of her body her arm, abdomen, hand was in a bandage to protect the burns from infection and environmental contamination - Why? -

Jinx was silent at first, she thought it was an unfunny joke or some silly dream. However, it wasn't, and that scared her, of course she had her share of petty crimes like theft or robbery... well that's all she did, but to set fire to her friends' house? And cause their deaths? She would never go to something like that

It was funny to watch how she could not get a word out of herself, how she was speechless - Jinx answer to the question - he spoke as calmly as he could however anxiety was bubbling in his veins, what if it was all true? However, her reaction did not indicate this.

- That what I'm asking?  - She snorted still unable to believe what he was accusing her of - You want to tell me that it was my fault that the fire broke out? - she scoffed, still feeling as if she was dreaming she purposely pinched her arm to see if she was dreaming, but she was awake - You've got to be kidding me - she scoffed

- If so, this is extremely not funny," she indignantly looked at him her mind was darkened by grief at the same time she was annoyed that he accused her of such a thing.

- The fire department says otherwise," he leaned forward as he spoke these words, tilting his head to the side he raised his hand to scratch his beard, "Jinx, sooner or later they will get to who set fire to the Rodriguez house, but he wants to know," she did not let him finish

- Did I do it? - she mocked snorting under her breath, leaning back. She had stopped trusting him, if she ever trusted him at all - No, no, I think I'm asleep - this situation really felt like some kind of absurdity to her, something pulled out of the blue, something that shouldn't be.

- I'm serious Jinx," he almost growled at her feeling her mocking him, mocking him. He watched this as she almost threw herself on the chair like an offended five-year-old child could not find a comfortable position felt uncomfortable and wanted to run away

- And I'm serious that I didn't do it," she replied crossing her arms over her chest pretending that it was all draining out of her

That it doesn't move her

That it's all really about wanting to put her back in juvie

Her eyes widened at this thought, and if in fact this is the point? If in fact the captain doesn't want her here anymore and wants to get rid of her by the way driving her into a bigger corner of guilt. Her face dropped and her eyes darkened more she had no desire or strength to cry in front of the captain come on her mind wanted to cry to get it out of her she couldn't in front of John, her body was still tense to the point that her knuckles had turned white.

She clenched her jaw hard she could almost feel her tooth crumbling and the Captain could hear it, she swallowed her saliva hard, but the lump in her throat did not allow it. Her throat was dry just as her lips almost immediately demanded water

- You want to put me back in the reformatory," she stated matter-of-factly, Price let the air out through his mouth twisted in disbelief this conversation was making him more and more tired. And the teenager's conjecture sounded irrational to him at the same time he could not blame her for thinking so

He shook his head - No, but the fire department and the police are checking the clues," he warned her, "And supposedly you acted suspiciously," he argued and the teenager increasingly did not believe him they wanted to frame her for something she had not done. She had honor she would never burn alive her friends even her enemies

She would never kill a man

Of course coincidences walk on people, in an accident she may have inadvertently caused people could die, but setting fire to someone's house? Even if she was with the cartel, she didn't do it

She only looked at

- I behaved normally," she defended herself almost hissing at him like a snake, "I just sensed that something bad was going to happen," she looked at her hands, which rested on the table top and her fingers intertwined with each other, she had the right feeling. If only she had listened to that voice in her head Eric and Ava would probably be alive

- Who told you that? - She asked curiously tearing her gaze away from her injured hands, since the fire she had acquired the ugly habit of picking at her skin, her fingertips gently bleeding and made tender by the fact that they were not wearing protection and the unruly cuticles protruded just waiting for the teenager's teeth to try to pull them off.

- Mrs. Dorinson," he said truthfully, not missing the fact of how Jinx's hands look, "And you have a problem and he wants to help you," he continued and Jinx only rolled her eyes and groaned in displeasure

- I'm fine," she crossed her arms over her chest with her back hitting the back of the chair

- Your body says otherwise," he repeated himself, "You need help, accept it when someone offers it to you," he interrupted

He was silent for a long while watching her indignation, his face became stony of course he was expressing concern, but he was slowly getting tired of explaining it over and over again and eternally repeating himself

- Because then it will be easier? - She said what he wanted to say again, mocking him she shook her head with a dry and emotionless giggle - Forgive me Captain, but it doesn't work - she replied looking at the window and not at him

- If I let someone in then they leave me," she explained looking out the window at the birds flying by and merrily flying in the cloudless sky, "Then why do you want to? -

- Because it's my job," he defended himself with the same words as always and that and Jinx was getting bored

- Bullshit Captain - She almost shouted at him, leaning forward - We both know that - She said in a quieter almost whisper without taking her eyes off him, she was shaking emotions were bubbling in her just asking for a wrong move that will make her explode

- Say something else - she whispered - Something... that will make me consider your proposal - The captain looked at her quite annoyed, his patience was reaching its zenith and his desire to talk was subsiding. This is not how it was supposed to look - I did nothing, if there was arson by a third party it was not me - She defended herself already spoke normally not an ounce of sarcasm or derision could be found in her words

- I'll trust you on this," he muttered looking at the teenager's hands, "You're in pain," he stated matter-of-factly, the teenager at first didn't know what he meant seeing what she was looking at she hid her hands in the pockets of her pajama pants

- No," she burbled while correcting herself in the chair, she moved quite uncomfortably. The captain only smiled gently under his breath he knew that the teenager did not like to lie when she was sitting, because then she moved awkwardly.

- Be that as it may, but try not to do it again," he muttered looking into her eyes, they caught eye contact once again in this conversation she only swallowed hard

- Because what? - she asked almost with derision, but with curiosity

- Because later you will have calloused and rough fingers," he answered truthfully, but did he have confirmation of this? No. that's what his mother explained to him, so he wanted to pass it on, he always thought the woman was right

She only snorted under her breath while shaking her head - What are you acting like that for? - she raised an eyebrow, she wanted to detect a ruse in him that would herald that he wanted to extract information from her by being nice and caring to her.

She knew the trick and wasn't about to fall for it

- What kind of magic trick is this? - She went on, not paying attention to the fact that the captain's nostrils dilated and irritation began to appear in his eyes - Laswell taught you this or what? - she sent him her familiar smile, with which dimples appeared

- That's no trick Jinx," muttered the captain with a tired expression on his face, "It's called worry," he added after a moment

- How many cigarettes did you smoke? - he asked, but got no answer he could have guessed that he would get no answer only to be doused with urine

Jinx continued her tirade, but the captain was running out of patience and wanted the teenager to finally understand what he wanted to say and convey to her, apparently she was too dumbfounded to understand it

 - Because if so," she interrupted her statement by a loud bang that rang out in the kitchen

- Because I'm worried about you! - shouted the annoyed captain slamming his hands on the table moving away from the table and the chair fell to the ground with sensation, when he rather aggressively got up from it, he was breathing hard as if these efforts cost him all his energy, when he looked at the teenager with a stern look after a while, however, he closed his eyes and rubbed his tired face with a heavy sigh

 - Is it so hard to understand that I'm worried about you? - he added more quietly - And that he doesn't want them to lock you up for something you didn't do, if you didn't actually do it," he mumbled looking at his hands, but the teenager stood there frozen with fear, when he looked at her again he realized that the teenager had turned her back on him and with a quick step began to walk out of the kitchen leaving behind the sandwiches she had been so eager to eat earlier.

He watched her disappear behind the kitchen doorframe, heard her quick footsteps heading towards the room and then the door closing - Fuck Price - he whispered to himself - You fucked up - he stated matter-of-factly and began sipping the cold tea he had made for himself earlier

He will talk to her later

In the evening, when they had both cooled down from their emotions, if he moved after her now he would probably be met with more fire than he is now. And that was not what he wanted

He didn't have the strength for it, not even the desire to stand in front of the bigger fire that the teenager had lit however he knew she needed help. Even if she wouldn't admit it, too many times he had seen recruits call for help with their gestures rather than words.

They were closing in on themselves

They locked themselves in their barracks and didn't come out for days. As far as they could they only went out for training or to use the restroom

They ate and drank less

They often sat in their heads in the land of thoughts

And all these symptoms are now exhibited by a teenager who is more impetuous than a recruit in the army. He sighed heavily and took another big sip of cold tea

[tobeywobey]

this is me asking about your grandberry pirate gillion au :0

YESYAYYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this spawned cuz of a swordfish supercut and also the joke lizzie made abt "you come on this ship you're my crew"

ok SOOO its canon-compliant UP until 53/57, around there ! gilly takes Not Ferin Well a whole lot worse, especially the almost jay betrayal! hes basically the same as he is in canon (atleast to jay and chip) but hes so upset over jay lying to them this whole time even after what theyve been through together. lizzie and caspian roll up on the half a ship and yk yk, gill goes to help and lizzie makes the "hes on my ship, hes on my crew" and. gill just thinks shes serious and hes shocked and then kind of relieved? he didnt know how to confront chip and jay about what happened on block and now he doesnt have to! and so he just. says goodbye to jay and chip and lizzie is like oh shit youre fr? ok welcome aboard. LOL .

jay and chip take this as well as youd expect! theyre obviously very betrayed and upset, and chip is mad at both gill but also Lizzie cuz in his mind she has just taken his best friend away from her :( they go their separate ways after an argument between all of them (mainly gill, lizzie and chip) and jay keeps trying to convince chip to go back, chip keeps trying to sail them forward and is even more deadset on finding arlin now (they drop off ollie way sooner, as soon as they get to zero-- which they leave for after allport)

gill would start to feel guilty but also the training hes doing with caspian and lizzie starts to help him, and hes also coming to terms with being in the oversea and in his mind the grandberry ship is helping him a lot!

anyways a lot of time passes, both ships go on canon-compliant adventures (HOWEVER. grandberry pirates fight off against the navy a lot more than riptide crew does in canon, so gill is also dealing with that .)

since it starts out near ep 50ish, its near ep 100 where they are reunited (in the black sea!) niklaus tempts lizzie (and by proxy the rest of the crew) by saying if they go and help him with what he needs (which is uh. gillion. its the same thing he wants gill to do in canon) that he will bring ava back (he can Totally do that guys.) and then he gets A BIT SILLY and goes to riptide pirate crew (atp theyd have all the normal npcs minus queen cuz that was all gillion's doing) and is like. Do you Want your Fish Guy? Hes somewhere in the black sea. find him for me and ill make sure he comes back to you guys . :D (he can also Totally do that.)

they meet in the black sea, have the same battle they did when they first got there (both albatross and grandberry together) and gill is still the one who saves jay which leads to sillyness ^_^ gill and jay . talk it out and whatnot, chip (once he stops refusing to talk to gill) and gill argue about it and have. surprise. another ice arena moment. theyre so insane.

---also extra notes--- :D

i dont exactly think hed say hes happier on the grandberry ship than with chip n jay i just . think hes definitely less worried about being the main protector? he knows caspian and lizzie can hold their own (not saying jay and chip cant its just .. you know..) and is living with a lot less stress and also has worked through undersea trauma like how he does in canon except with lizzie and caspian so . hes definitely living a better life, and if offered a place back on the riptide crew he wouldnt just abandon lizzie and caspian after all that especially cuz he still has lingering pain from jay betrayal ^_^

has lizzie/ava (past), swordfish QPR (i love them), liz/casp (QPR) (have you heard how caspian talks abt liz?), and uh........ yeah thats it.

also little idea idk where to fit in here . thinking abt gill missing ollie and chip (once theyve made up) being like "the three of us can go back to Zero and see him!" and gill is just like .. "chip this is my family now, im so much happier here than I have been (OUCH.) I can't in good conscious rejoin you as a riptide pirate after i've spent so long with as a grandberry pirate. However I would Like to see ollie." but both ships go and see ollie bc. yeah ^_^. chip is. devastated :(

hes much stronger and also slightly crazier! the navy trying to kill you will do that to you ^_^

i feel like i had something else to say but i forgot it.

[cookiesupplier]

Every Rose Has It's Thorns - Part Nine

pairing: Ricky Olson x ofc (Talia)

warnings/tropes: slow burn, soulmates, strangers to enemies to lovers, betrayal, angst, fluff, smut, language, panic attack.

summary: In a world where soulmates inexplicably receive a tattoo that will match that of their soulmate the moment they turn eighteen years old, being famous and covered in very visible tattoos can make finding your true soulmate a questionable fate. Not that it is any easier for the soulmate in question. Thus is the fate for Ricky and Talia. Sooner or later, however, life is bound to collide, but what will happen when it does?

author’s note: Unbeta, another nice and loonnnng one. Don't keep expecting them lol.

tags: @tearfallpixie @cncohshit @jordynyingling0219 @faceless-mirror @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @witchyweeb34 @black-damask1999 @casangel1986

Please ask if you'd like to be tagged, to this story or in general.

~~

Talia had just spent her whole day off cleaning their apartment from top to bottom, the place was entirely spotless, she wanted to make sure the place was perfect. Ava would be coming home in a matter of days! Two days, she had two days and a bit days she guessed, before she had to pick up Ava from the airport.

Well, maybe.

It had not escaped Talia’s attention that Ava had been avoiding giving her any details about coming home, about how she was getting home, picking her up from the airport and the like. The tour finished nowhere near here, and even the guys in the band needed to travel themselves to get home, which she was more than aware of. She’d been following the rest of the tour, something she hadn’t done in years, she knew she shouldn’t, it wasn’t good, her every time she saw a picture of him she felt like she got a kick in the gut, but Talia told herself she just needed to know Ava was safe, that she was doing okay.

She was.

Calling her this morning she was determined to get details.

“Oy, enough with the avoidance, how am I supposed to pick you up from the airport if I don’t know when you’re going to get in babe? Unless you’re telling me you’d rather Jordan and his awful taste in radio channels to come get you?”

Smirking at the face that Ava made then,

“Argh, no, we’ve had that talk, Jordan can drive me on a cold day in hell.”

Talia snorted,

“Hel is actually pretty cold, God of War, one day you will play it with me, the underworld is where you freeze, I love it, now.. Back to the point Ava, don’t avoid it. Again.”

Raising her eyebrow at her best friend expectantly, she was willing to pull the information from her if she had to, as if she didn’t already know what the other woman was trying to avoid telling her… she just needed to spit it out already, and get it out of the way. Talia had figured it out, and not because Kyle and Jordan had given her the heads up.

“Well, flight details, come on, what are they?” Playing stupid, she needed Ava to cough it up already, tell her what was going on, her hedging right up until the last second wasn’t going to do any of them any good.

“I, they’re here somewhere, let me find them..”

Talia saw the nervous smile on the screen, she’d seen that smile so many times over the years when Ava was worried about something and didn’t know how to handle it so started to freak out. Like the time she’d accidentally broken Kyle bike, or the time that Jordan had been planning a party for Kyle and she’d accidentally let it slip and didn’t know how to tell him too afraid he was going to blow up at her for it. Or the time she accidentally ruined Talia’s favourite shirt in the laundry.. She always seemed like the toughest one of them in so many ways, but that wasn’t always the case. There were always moments. They looked after each other, that was how they functioned, together, they were strong, apart, it was different. They supported each other, simple. Even from across the country, that was how it was going to work, plain and simple, and Talia just needed to remind her of that.

“Ava, come on babe, you can talk to me, what’s going on?”

Her voice quiet, hopefully calming, Ava had been there enough for her, especially this last week and a half, trying to keep her grounded, calling her every day, stopping her from retreating into herself over everything with Rick. She would have, just completely shut down without Ava.. even if calling had felt like a trigger, it had also helped, knowing she’d always have her friend, and Ava wouldn’t just abandon her just because she had her soulmate now and they were connected.

She waited patiently as Ava paused, looking to her through the screen,

“I’m staying with Vinny for a bit longer, I’m going to stay and meet his family.”

Talia’s voice caught, she knew that was always going to be a possibility, but so soon. She’d hoped she’d come home, and they’d make plans for the future for them to met up again.

“His life is so hectic, and he won’t get as much chances to be home with them, for everyone to be home, and it's perfect timing..”

She nodded, of course, of course it was right. They were right, it was perfect timing, Talia couldn’t argue with that, and they were already getting along famously. Ava gushed about Vinny all the time when she called.

Talia could see the hesitation on her face that there was more that was making Ava nervous, and this time she didn’t need to ask, she just knew,

“You want me to come, don’t you?”

The nod of her head was instant, wouldn’t she. Ava would probably ask Jordan and Kyle, but Kyle’s job made leaving to a different state difficult, and she’d already tried to talk Bee into letting Talia have some time off before she’d even left two weeks ago! So fucking cheeky. Talia took in a breath.

The difference between Ava and Talia, was while Talia had gone semi no-contact with her family outside of holidays with the way she was treated over the soulmate issues, Ava parents had died in a car accident when she was a teenager, and lived with foster parents the last few years during high school. It hadn’t been an easy change for her, and Talia, Jordan and Kyle had quickly transitioned from best friend, into her family, plain and simple. Knowing she wanted her to come, Talia got it, it wasn’t going to be easy, but family was family, and she’d do anything for Ava.

“Get to know him? Really get to know him. I know we’ve both seen the streams and the interviews, but you’ve said it yourself, that’s different. He's my soulmate T. I want you to know him.”

Talia nodded quickly, blinking back the moisture in her eyes that she didn’t want to turn into tears for Ava to see, she wasn’t even sad, she swore it, she wasn’t. Honestly she was ecstatic for Ava right now. She was so excited that she wanted her to spend time with Vinny as her family, that she had gotten to that point, two weeks, but two weeks constantly in each other's presence would do that. It was an extreme case. If there was any way to be sure to know someone, this was a way she could have seen some of the best and worst parts of him these two weeks.

“I’ll talk to Bee, I’ll see if I can get the time off you were talking about. You’ll be happy I didn’t make any appointments yet so, if it’s okay, then I’ll be there.”

The shining smile she got from Ava was the perfect response, and those tears that Talia hadn’t wanted to come, stung her eyes even more when she couldn’t hug her so tight because she was stupidly across the country.

“Shit, you just wait until I see you next, I miss your hugs.”

Talia smiled, belaying the tears until the call ended with a round of laughter from Ava at the talk of hugs and the threat of hugging her to death the moment she saw her next. The call didn’t last much longer considering she had to get off the phone to call Bee, she wanted to try and make arrangements quickly if she wanted to get things organized to do this, she didn’t want to leave Ava alone with Vinny and his family, she would be her backup.

~~

They had one last show before they were heading home, one last show tomorrow night and the tour was done. One last show. Rick would love to think that this whole mess could be behind him but hearing Ava be so excited about hearing from Talia that their boss had just confirmed she could have the time off work. He didn’t dare ask for how long, though he hoped there was a time clock on it, that she would leave, that she would leave almost as soon as she arrived. Though, in saying that, Ava was sweet, and caring, and despite the dark reminder of her connection to her that was always there in the back of his mind that he didn’t want to think of, he liked her. She was good for Vin, they were perfect as soulmates, they matched each other well.

Ever since she’d helped him with that panic attack, anxiety attack, whatever it was, it had been easier to be around her, if he made sure to vacate whenever the calls home came up. He did not want to be around when the other one came up.. Even if sometimes it had creeped up in conversation. Like now.

He could feel Chris’ eyes on him when he got up from his seat and walked down the front of the bus and out the doors, glad for once they were stopped, even if it was just for gas and some snacks on the way to the last town, the last venue.. The last stop of the tour for tomorrow night. Stepping out of the bus, damn, sometimes he missed not smoking anymore, what he’d give for one right now.

Leaning his back against the side of the bus, his head hung low as his fingers ran through his hair, with a sigh. At least he was away from Ava’s excitement, not wanting to bring her down from being able to see her best friend again. Damn, when had he gotten to the point that he hadn’t wanted to bring her down when he wanted to do anything no to see her, again.

“Hey, Rick.”

Looking up from the ground, seeing Chris had followed him out of the bus, of course it was Chris, who else.

“Hey.”

The singer moved to stand beside him, leaning back against the bus as well, his arms crossed in front of him, not saying anything at first, just letting Rick stand there in silence. He knew though, he knew that he wanted to say something. That Chris hadn’t come out here for no reason.

“What is it Chris?”

Looking over towards him, Chris glanced down to him, shrugging a little,

“I’ve been where you are, isolating yourself isn’t going to help no matter what you think. You don’t want to hurt the people that are happy so you pull away, so it hurts you more. Ten to one that girl is doing the same thing, not wanting to acknowledge how she's feeling.”

“Chris-”

“Shut the fuck up, and hear me out.”

Chris had been his friend longer than anyone in the band, he’d known Ricky the longest here, he was the one that had convinced him to move across the country so he could join Motionless In White after all, so, Ricky did him the benefit of just that, shutting the fuck up. Waving his hand in front of him, as if to say, go on.

“Look, what happened to me was different, I know, and yet what happened to you, is no fucking better.”

Chris had gone through this more than once, but the worst time was the last time, when he had actually been engaged, planning to get married. But then a woman that claimed to be his soulmate turned up, and while it hadn’t taken much at all to prove she was faking, that she was just a deluded fan, wanting to steal him away from the woman that had him, sadly, it had been enough to make his fiancé question their relationship. Question what might happen if his real soulmate turned up one day with him being in the limelight. Not even two months later, long before they planned to have been married, she had called it off, and left him. Ricky felt for him, he’d loved her, and never claimed to have wanted his soulmate in that way, he loved her, but his fiancé, it seemed, hadn’t accepted that, and that was the painful part Chris had admitted to wondering later, if her soulmate had turned up after they married, would she have left him? Chris hadn’t been in a serious relationship since, and Ricky got that now, he really did.

“That doesn’t make destroying yourself like this healthy. Shutting yourself off is only going to make it worse. I mean,”

Ricky looked up to meet Chris’ eyes,

“She backed off when she saw you with Grace, right?”

Rick tensed he did not like where this was going, his eyes narrowing as he looked to Chris,

“So she claims.”

His voice was tight, according to Ava, none of her friends were with her that night, she’d been there alone and they’d had to pull the story out of her later, she hadn’t wanted to talk about it. According to Ava she’d just wanted to ignore the whole ordeal and move on, so they didn’t have many details.

“If that’s the case, what makes you think that she isn’t in just as much pain as you are right now? Because Rick, Grace might have targeted you, but you weren’t the only one who had your life and soulmate manipulated the way you did.”

Rick groaned loudly and pushed up from the bus, slamming the soul of his boot back against the bus with the kick of a mule, not caring about how much it hurt with the vibration travelling up his leg, he’d be fine, he’d walk it off for a minute, and sit down and rest.

“Fuck stop it! I hear it enough from Vin about her being my soulmate Chris! I don’t need to hear it from you too.. I don’t want a soulmate, she isn’t my soulmate. I am tired, and it fucking hur-”

“Okay okay okay! I’m sorry!”

Chris pushed himself to stand up straight from leaning on the bus quickly, holding his hands out, seeing the angry tears starting to form in Ricky’s eyes at the rant spewing from his mouth. The older man hadn’t realised how much that Vinny had been talking to Rick about this, he probably should have. Vin was likely a bit hopeful for Rick to accept Talia, wanting to make Ava happy. Unfortunately, could also risk tearing it all apart at the same time if he wasn’t careful.

“You know..”

Sighing,

“Rick, okay, you don’t have to have a soulmate, no one does, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. Maybe you should try that. Give her a chance. Hate her a little less..”

Pausing,

“Maybe try to hate yourself a little less while you're at it.”

Ricky stopped pacing along the side of the bus abruptly and his head sharply turned to look at Chris, those stormy blue eyes staring at him,

“I don’t-”

“Like hell you don’t. I know what you’re going through, remember? You hate Talia for, you hate Vinny, you hate Ava, for exposing Grace’s lies, for being happy, well, in the latter two cases maybe.. but most of all you hate yourself, because you know that none of them deserve that kind of hate and yet you can’t help it right now, it’s just sitting there. I spent years in fucking therapy man, I know.”

Rick’s jaw clenched as he thought about it, he didn’t like thinking about the thought that he hated Vin, and strangely Ava, and he.. He’d admit he didn’t even know Talia, but he sure as hell didn’t really want anything to do with her, even if he knew it was going to happen with Ava in Vinny’s life now. Sighing.

“So how much you gonna pay me for this session, this is gold.”

Snorting, Rick couldn’t help laughing slightly at Chris.

“Asshole.”

Still he looked at Chris with a slight smile before Ryan was leaning out of the door of the bus, letting them know they were ready to get going again.

[ckerouac]

So I have to say that after the first two eps of Justified: City Primeval, I love what the inclusion of Willa brings to the story.

She's exactly who she should be - a sheltered middle class white girl who takes joy in being a little shit. Because she's 15 and every 15 year old has the spirit of a little shit. You're pushing against boundaries because that's what you do at that age. I don't know if that's Vivian's natural pitch to her voice or a choice, but I love that they're going with such a high pitch because it really emphasizes that she's a child.

And her being a child is so important to the story and what we get to learn about Raylan because this is the first time in the series that we're getting to see Raylan from the eyes of someone who cares about him but doesn't know him. Yes, he's her father and they very clearly have a relationship from the very first scene in the car (the teasing about texting, the 'we don't have to tell mom' suggested in a way that that's worked before and she's a bit of a daddy's girl, the good natured sulk of a kid that's not uncomfortable with that parent, and the lack of worry of her face when he shoots out the truck tire because she trusts her dad to take care of her). But how many of us actually knew our parents when we were teenagers? We didn’t.

Raylan, for good or for ill, and for reasons justified or not (see what I did there?) has a lot of anger inside him that gets shoved down. We know this. And everyone who we meet in Justified already knows this about him. You have folks who knew him growing up, knows his family situation, or was a direct cause of a lot of that trauma - Arlo, Helen, Boyd, Ava, the Bennets, etc. You have folks who work with him and know the man who shot Tommy Bucks at lunch for reasons justified or not - Art, Rachel, Tim, the Dixie Mafia, the Detroit Mafia, etc. And then you have Winona, who knows him well enough to be married, divorced, and then co-parenting with him. The most outside view we get of him is Loretta, who is also a child but a child who has a wildly different set of experiences than Willa and is not surprised when violence comes to her door.

Which leaves Willa as someone who very obviously loves her father, but the father who is dry humored, stubborn, a little indulgent, etc. Raylan was confronted with his past in Justified and what it did to him, and he's very obviously keeping that from Willa. When they're talking about what route to take home on their road trip, she suggests going through Harlan because 'that's where we come from, right?' And he deflects because he doesn't want to show her that part of him and his history. (This is yet another little point I love that shows that even if Raylan isn't the custodial parent, they still have a great relationship because Willa constantly uses 'we' instead of 'you' and I love that they do that here. And he's going to be blaming himself hard for not getting back to the hotel sooner, which I am here for that guilt).

We get to see Raylan as Willa sees him.

And when Raylan is absolutely beating the shit out of Clement outside the hotel, we are cheering because this asshole threatened Willa, and he needs to stay away, and we want Raylan to defend his daughter, and we want to see that anger slip through, and we want to see it, and we want him to do it, and we want...

And then we turn around and realize that Willa is seeing her father for the first time as the angry man we all already know he is, and that we enjoy him being. And it fucking hurts. Because we have to confront that this is not a good thing we want him to do and to be. Because here is the only person who never saw him as 'the angriest person I've ever met' like Winona says in the pilot, watching him beat a man on a sidewalk in what looks like to her a complete unprovoked situation.

So what happens now? How is her innocence about her dad broken? And how does Raylan deal with the one person who never knew him as that Givens boy from Harlan seeing what he’s willing to do?

I love that we get to see that. I can't wait to get that answered.

[helpfandom]

Yandere Zane Flynt x Platonic! MiniVH! reader HC

@yandere-plague/ Mad Moxxi did this before, and this is a tribute?? If it can be called that, to Yandere Plague / Mad Moxxi.

HC's under cut.

n my head, a mini VH is kind of like Ava, but way better, an apprentice who's main purpose is to make sure no one dies too much. Or to curse out people we don't like, either one.

Mini VH follows Zane around having a blast with him, because he treats everything like it's just either a normal Tuesday, or since he's on retirement, he might as well have fun with it. But! Because Mini VH has fun around him, he tries to keep that going when they talk about going back to Sanctuary 3 or something of the sort, he tries to manipulate and distract you (which works quite easily because Zane is like an endless party) by dragging you along with driving and doing crazy stunts while in a tank or attempting to do something that a 'kid' shouldn't do.

Yandere tendencies may start whenever, although it's hard to see the red flags since it likely started early on; maybe when the two of you met, or when you became an apprentice for him.

As the story progresses and he becomes more of a yandere for Mini VH, it's easier to tell, not because he wants Mini VH to stay at Sanctuary 3, but because he wants Mini VH to CONSTANTLY be near him, he treats his Digi-clone like a real person (even if it is meant as a joke in the franchise) and you expect him to not want you around him all the time??? Blasphemous!!

Before kidnapping: Would probably try to trick (In a playful way) you with his Digi-clone, but not have the scheme end up working, simply because the reader has been around him enough to be able to tell the differences.

After Kidnapping: Would absolutely use Digi-Clones to spy on you. If Mini VH escaped ever, Digi-Clone would be an obstacle because one, it will tell him when [clone] has spotted you, and soon you'll be in his loving [NOT really] arms, since he can switch spots with them quickly.

Before Kidnapping: Asks Mini VH which guns he should keep or sell, for their opinion on how to kill bandits and psychos faster and definitely not because he wants to know more about the type of guns you like so he can gift you them. No definitely not.

After Kidnapping: would do the same with the guns, but since Mini VH is upset with him, (And likely always will be) Mini VH will lie or tell him to keep the wrong ones. He doesn't want to upset his kid so he pretends to throw out the ones you said to, but would keep them anyway.

Before Kidnapping: Constantly be near him, He will always want Mini VH, his little kiddo to be near him. It's not worrying that I [Zane] blew up an entire camp looking for them while they were talking with Marcus! It's totally normal to want to keep your kid- Apprentice safe!

After Kidnapping: Surprisingly, CL4PTR4P has a purpose than the franchise's punching bag. Since CL4PTR4P has been shown to not care about 'Enslaving' (Keeping humans in rooms) humans, he enlists CL4PTR4P to help keep you in his room [The room for the Vault hunters]. He keeps CL4PTR4P doing this with promises of helping him create Veronica. If this is after Baylex is on the ship, he also enlists Baylex into keeping you trapped in his room because Zane uses the fact that he got Baylex out of the situation, surely he can help with this one itty bitty thing; Keeping you trapped.

Fl4k would be a big helper for his Kidnapping phase to happen sooner, rather than later. Because Fl4k doesn't know that Kidnapping is viewed as horrible, he spurs on Zane to keep his kid- Apprentice safe while Zane 'hunts'.

(PRE BAYLEX) If you ever made it out of the room on Sanctuary 3 while Zane is out on a mission, (which would be easy because it's CL4PTR4P.) There isn't anywhere for you to go. Lilith has no reaction OR [if Ava fucked things up at this point and Maya is dead] she is happy to turn a blind eye to Zane's obsession because it means Zane has a reason to come back, and Mini VH can't screw anything up like Ava did. (Thanks Ava. /Sarcasm)

(Post Baylex) You ain't making it out of that room. Ain't no way. Baylex has control of the EINTIRE ship and he keeps that room in lockdown mode when Zane isn't there. The only way you would ever get the chance to escape is if Zane was on Sanctuary 3 and well... Zane is there so unless you got out to see him, (which would be the only acceptable thing) Zane will find you and put you back in the room. The telezapper [Map teleport thing] won't work because you need Zane to do it [because when you were an apprentice, you needed to be around him at all times.] And Ellie's Drop pod won't work because Ellie lost Scooter and ain't losing someone else again just because you're 'uncomfortable' being kidnapped by Zane.

Best chance of escaping is either the common route [Pretending and going along with their delusions] or to exploit the father/kid delusion he has. "But, how am I supposed to learn how to take care of myself, if I'm stuck here on Sanctuary?" The mini VH asks, with full intentions of trying to escape. Because of the Father/Kid delusion he has, it would be easiest to exploit that, and would give you the biggest chance of escaping. If Mini VH can get on the surface of [any planet], they have the highest chance of escaping Zane's clutches. If this version of Zane has all of his Special skills, I highly doubt your chances of staying un-kidnapped are high.

The room is cold, and you are often left bored out of your mind since only the vault hunters can open the vault in their rooms, and since he often leaves for a great period of time... he accidentally isolates you and makes it so you rely on him for companionship. Accidentally, because he didn't realize it would work this way of manipulating you, he just didn't think about how it would affect you.

[stanfordprepped]

Sam Winchester. Born to John and Mary Winchester. May 2nd, 1983. Lawrence, Kansas. At the tender age of 7 months, he got his first taste of demon blood which awakened an array of abilities that would someday develop. He lost his mother that fateful night. Sam was never quite as outgoing as his brother, Dean. He was far more on the shy and reserved side. Always digging for more information. Observing the world and the people around him.

He had a love for books, studying them page by page. Even writing his own little stories every so often. As he got older, the stories made it to the page less and less. Learning that creatures that went bump in the night were not just stories, but things that they had to fight against. Sam had always had an inkling about this, however. Because throughout his younger years he caught fleeting glimpses of what he would someday realize were spirits. One spirit in particular used to appear to him often. Long blonde hair, a white gown, and a voice that soothed him even on the worst of days.

Not until years later when he saw a picture of Mary would the realization come to him that it was her that he had been seeing all those years ago. All went fairly normal as far as a hunters life went until it came time for Sam to graduate high school. That was when John had found out his plans for Stanford and after a heated argument he found himself without a home. There was still some time until the semester started so Sam had to fend for himself during that time, finding shelter and food on a day to day basis. He would occasionally find ways to contact Dean or Bobby, to let them know about his whereabouts until school started up.

The time at Stanford was the first blissful moments Sam had in some time. Only for that to be snuffed out when his father went missing and Jessica was killed. That was when something snapped within him. It was like a dam breaking. Abilities started manifesting within Sam Winchester: telekinesis, visions of the future, sensing spirits and otherworldly beings with ease, and this desire…this hunger he couldn't quite place.

Upon traveling with Dean once more he finds that there are other special children, much like himself who have had recent awakenings in ability. He meets a few of them: Ava and Andy among others. But those two stand out to him the most. But again, the hunt drags him back off but with the promise to reunite one day. Little did he know, that would be happening sooner than he anticipated. Azazel summons them all for a little killing game. To see who the best of the best is. But rather than listen, they all grouped up together and made a run for it. Spending weeks on the run because not only are they running from Azazel, they are running from all the hunters who would surely kill them if they knew what all of them were capable of.

All seemed well until one night, Jake turned on all of them. Stabbing Sam in the back and killing him. The other special children scatter, and Sam is only brought back due to Dean arriving on the scene just in time and making a demon deal. When Sam comes back, there's something a little different about him this time…He seems…darker. More ruthless than he had been before. It was like that first death had woken something within him. His powers remained even after. The visions and powers becoming more intense than they had before his death.

After Dean is taken to hell, Sam is at a loss of what to do. At what path to take. That is when he reunites with Ruby and learns of the way that demon blood can aid his powers. This is how he can be as strong as Dean. This is how he can save people. This is how he can find redemption for being the reason his brother had to die. There were so many options, even if he wasn't too fond of how it would come about.

Post Lilith's death, Sam keeps a small amount of demon blood on hand incase he ever needs it to help boost his powers which continue to grow naturally as well. Letting him exorcise demons with his mind. He decides if people are going to give him the name 'Boy King' then he would make it so. After all, he could change things for beings everywhere if he took charge down below. What better way to say 'screw you' to all of those who told him what he was going to be? So he continues to hone his abilities until that day would come. Or at the very least he would protect the gates and make sure no one else was at the helm.

After multiple possessions by angels, Sam learns that some of the grace from them was absorbed into the cracks of his soul. Which leads to some angelic abilities beginning to form: he can hear and understand enochian, he can teleport with enough concentration but it takes a huge energy toll, wings of course when he summons them, glowing blue eyes when using the grace.

Upon meeting Rowena, Sam studies under her and learns he has a real gift for spellcasting. After spending enough time around her, she is the only one he would be willing to hand over the throne of hell to. So they work together on taking it over.

[lightdragon789]

Other inserts backstory/facts Pt 7

Jackie “Jay” Harlow

Nearly done, just three more to go! But now time to talk about Jay, whose best friend (now boyfriend) is a vampire. I love the vampire series a lot and making Jay has been lots of fun. Sky is adorkable and Ava is a queen!

Onto the backstory!

Jay’s family life has been a bit rocky. As her mom was always dismissive of Jay while her dad was quite dotting to her. She also loves her aunt, uncle and her cousin Peyton. The two being like siblings to each other as they hung out with each other a lot.

However, things went bad when Jay turned 5 years old. Her mother left one day, with the promise she’d get something for Jay at her request. But she never came back, which distraught Jay thinking she did something to make her mom not come back. Her dad did all he could to assure her it wasn’t her fault but it scarred Jay. Leaving her to believe others might leave her too if she wasn’t careful.

Even still, her family always remained by her side to reassure her these thoughts were false. Peyton spent more time with her, helping her go to sleep and playing with her. Her dad got her into child therapy to help out as well and it did help her slightly.

As she got older, those insecurities were still present but she got better at hiding them. As she went to school and started to do new things. She cut her hair shorter and started being tomboyish by wearing more boy clothes. All made her feel more confident and she got through school with some hiccups here and there.

She then had to say goodbye to Peyton as he was moving to a marina in another city. As he had trouble adjusting to being in his family’s workplace without him there. His death hit them all hard and Jay understood and remained strong for him. The two hung out all day, with Peyton reassuring Jay that he’ll always be a call away and that he proud of how far shes come. They hugged when he drove to his new work place and she was very proud if not a little sad.

However, she kept her head up as she prepared for collage. She decided to study to become a lawyer or detective. As she wanted to help others solve cases and defend them in courts. She also took on playing basketball as a fun as she did in high school. During her studies, she’d often get paired with a group and in this group was a guy who Jay got along well with. His name is Skylar who likes to go by Sky and the two did well on assignments. Jay even asking for his help when it came to certain questions she was stuck on.

The two got along well but Sky seemed to keep his distance in the beginning which Jay respected. Not wanting to be overbearing but after sometime the two started talking more even outside of classes. Not really forming a friendship yet.

However, mid way through her third year of college. Her mind started to spiral a bit and her grades suffered because of it. She got back into therapy to help understand why she’s like this. After a few sessions, it was determined that she was getting stressed from college work and might be related to her previous mental problems. In the end, she decided to take a break from college and continue it once her mental state improved.

She still wanted to be of use and applied for job around her area. She also helped her dad by cleaning around the house and cooking while he was at work. While applying she got a call from Sky who questioned her absence from classes. Jay explained her leave and apologizes for not telling him sooner. He tells her not to apologize as he can understand feeling suffocate from all the work. He wishes her luck in her healing journey but asks if he can still keep in contact with her. As he’s enjoyed her company and she agreed, the two becoming friends. She soon got hired at a tavern like bar and she enjoyed the atmosphere. It paid well and she helped her father with bills.

She brought her dad and Sky to the tavern and they also enjoyed the place. Sky even hinting that he should have his graduation party there. The two talked a lot and as years went on, their friendship only grew. Sky soon graduated and after a year and a half Jay went back to college and got her degree. She still got to work at the tavern as well as starting an internship as a lawyer.

But Sky and Jay stayed close friends and hanged out a lot (mostly at night due to Sky’s work schedule.) Around the second year of their friendship, Sky learned about Jay’s abandoned issues from her dad, when he was waiting for her to finish an evening shift at her internship. Thinking she already told him and he explained her backstory with her mother. Which Jay learned about once she got home and they went to hang out. She didn’t mind as it was in the past but she does admit somethings do come back and haunt her. She reassured she was okay now, but she has her days.

Then at around the third year of their relationship that Jay started having feelings for Sky. As she was having a bad episode due to her internship taking a toll but she remained stoic while working at the tavern. No one noticed these changes but Sky did. He decided to go to Jay’s house on a rainy day to check up on her. She tried to brush it off, stating it was just a bad day for her. But he kept insisting since he noticed it going on for longer and was just concerned. After a bit of back and forth it made Jay break down, to which he comforted her. Reassuring her that he wasn’t going anywhere and that friends were there to help one another. Even saying (when Jay mentioned his work schedule and that he should be sleeping) that friends are for ruining each other’s sleep schedules. He stayed with her, watching movies, eating and chatting. Which all helped her feel better and just see Sky in a new light.

She was fearful Sky wouldn’t like her back, even if he accepted her issues. She had the thought that no one would like her for that side of her. So, she just remained friends with him. After another year, she got herself a small one person house and was proud of herself for finally getting her own house. Her dad was proud of her too, and promised to visit when he could. She got to work in a law office after her internship and was doing well in her cases. She then had someone from her work ask her out on a date and she accepted, as she found them cute and wanted to experience dating.

The two got along but after a month, found out he was cheating on her. Which stung a lot and she took off work for a bit to process it. She visited her dad for a bit and even called Peyton but she still felt alone.

So, she decided to call the one person who would be up at night. That being Sky and the two go to hang out.

Facts

Jay is 25, 5’7 and is Pansexual, Demiromantic and Bi-gender.

Jay is an astrology nerd and loves star gazing and pointing out constellations.

She also loves reptiles, mostly hog nose snakes and Bearded dragons.

Jay loves to mess around with her friends, with light teases and pranks. She knows not to take it too far and apologizes is she does.

Jay still plays basketball at a local park, just when she needs a break or wants to get out.

Like Sky, she likes being called Jay by close friends. But with new people she lets them call her Jackie.

Jay and Peyton are cousins and Jay sees him like a big brother. The two even have their own nicknames for each other. That being Jay-b and Peyt.

Jay is also a big book worm, loving to read as well when she done with work.

Jay always has a shield up emotional when it comes to the topic of her mother and she always brushes it off. But she gets emotional still thinking others will leave her the same way. But her family and now Sky are there to reassure her.

That slightly went away when she learned Sky was a vampire and the two reassured that they’ll always be by each other’s side. Accepting each other flaws and differences alike.

Jay never thought of Sky differently for being a vampire as he was still her friend, the same person she’s known (and had a crush on) for four years. She was very honored that he showed her that side of him to protect her and that he was fighting to have her keep her memories.

She does sometimes wish she was able to protect him back the same he does to her. But she does her best by helping him and assuring him.

That was a lot, but wanted to be sure I got everything! Next on the list is…. Myles!

So stayed tuned for him and I hope you like my gal Jay!

[trickarrows-bishop]

okay so the beginning, when it's piano, beatrice walks into frame, and she looks right at the camera and frowns sadly. it cuts to ava, who's sitting down, her feet in the pool. it goes back to beatrice and she watches her sadly before walking in. she sits close to her—not quite next to, but close to—and crosses her legs, criss-cross applesauce style. there's a moment of silence, both of them just existing near each other, beatrice looking at the water but glancing at her every now and again.

then, ava speaks the beginning lines of the song (ofc the perspectives alternate and sometimes it cuts back to beatrice but that doesnt really matter)

"I never went out swimming directly after lunch I didn't smoke, no, I'd never text and drive I always wore my seatbelt, a life vest, or sunscreen I had plans to stick around and stay alive"

with that last line, it shows ava and beatrice from the back, sitting by the pool, and fades into ava's mom buttoning up baby ava in her coat. ("I'd button up my jacket when the cold wind blew"), then baby ava brushing her teeth and grinning into the mirror, and her mom comes in and ruffles her hair ("I'd brush my teeth at least two times a day"). then, it's ava sitting on the couch, watching the television, when her mom comes in and puts a hand on her cheek from behind ("I never sat too close to the television") which morphs into a different scene with ava's mom holding baby ava's cheek ("To my parents, I would listen and obey")

shows the mom speaking the next few lines, ("Be safe, they said, be good"), and the baby ava turns into s2 ava, short hair, the halo burden, exhaustion and all ("But things don't happen quite the way they should") and older, canon ava hugs her mom, melting into her embrace ("Oh, mama").

the scene dissolves into baby ava pointing at somewhere on the leaflet, grinning up at her mom, who ruffles her hair and puts a hand on her back, leading her to their car ("You know I've tried my best to toe the line/'Cause I thought at first that this universe/Had a reason or a rhyme")

then it shows ava back at the pool, and she speaks the next few lines, growing increasingly frustrated:

"Well you can dot your t's and cross your i's But steady yourself for the big surprise 'Cause sooner or later you realize It's not fair, not fair"

then ava gets in the car ("And boiled down and simplified/All that you can really do"), buckles her seatbelt ("Is buckle in"), and holds her mom's hand ("And hang on for the ride").

<3

FUCKING HELL??? HELLO ???

[chaoticcutiewhirl]

A more propper introduction

If you see my Tumblr hello again, I have some news besides the obvious:

The Emergency Comms have been retired kinda as I got the money I lost in a scam back (not the money that was lost back in June but I reearned it, thank you Ebay). Simply to say though, due to the game Mice Tea, I have found a character who is basically me to the core being the Snake love interest named Sylvia, and with that I realized, similar to the implications of the epilogue of her route, I would likely stay as a Snakegirl if I was in her situation. Because of this I started to have vivid dreams as a sort of anthro snake, a lamia, and after a few days of that, I realized moving my legs caused a similar feeling when you feel a sound in your teeth and after speaking with a few friends i have come to the end that I may be a Lamia Otherkin.

I have done my best with that information but the main aspect is sorta dysphoria involving my legs in the way they exist, before I thought some aspects that line up with the idea were just unachievable transition goals ideas of being a Tiefling but the factors that can't line up with Lamia, which really was one thing, was likely relieving pressure on my feet and in my legs from standing as I often shifted to the balls of my feet in order to feel different, thinking it was possibly an idea of wanting hooves but now I think it may be due to the idea of less pressure and friction put on my lowe half. And with the leg thing I found binding my legs in a blanket while sitting or laying down helps a lot. But I mean do know if synthetic body mods become a thing I am getting myself that Snake tail because omg my brain these past 3 days has been on fire with this.

Beyond that propper introductions:

Name: I am Avarstia Sylvia [Redacted] (I wouldn't give my full name openly but still choosing a new last name as well), but you can call me Ava, Avarstia, Sylvia, or Sylvie.

Pronouns: She/her , Fae/Faer

Species: Physically human but Lamia Otherkin, also a Bat furry on top of all of that

Sexuality/Romanticism: Demisexual, but also under the Lesbian umbrella for my Romantics.

Media Interests: Transformers, Dragonball, She-Ra, Furries, The Owl House, Signalis, Mice Tea, Generally a lot of Indie games, RWBY, Legends of Avantris, D&D, Anything made by IdolMantis, Anything made by 66Sharkteeth aka 66, Anything made by Miranda Mundt, Sonic, Et Cetera (There is a lot)

What do I do?: I am primarily a writer, I am currently writing a Novella series to possibly publish sooner than later as well as writing two different novels with more stories in the works beyond all of that. I also have some Art Comms if anyone wants my sorta meh art style

What kind of Music do I listen too?: (I like answering questions lol) I mainly listen to forms of rock, folk, and generally music with darker vibes such as Shawn James, Shayfer James, Will Wood, Hammerfall, The Dead South, Marah in the Mainsail/Coyote Kidd (My favorite), Miracle of Sound, The Aviators, Crane Wives, Et Cetera (Again I listen to a lot)

Beyond all of that I don't really have much else to add so have an artistic depiction of who I am who I intended to turn into another Fursona lol, this one being a Mojave Sidewinder (But as a Lamia I do not know if I am also a Sidewinder lol

[slaasherslut]

Bell grinned as her friend Ava's contact popped up on her phone screen. The picture set as one of the two of them at Avas New York concert just earlier that year. The two hadn't talked in awhile and had planned this phone call as a way to catch up.

She tapped the green button answering, a big smile on her face. "Ava! My girl!!! It's been too long."

Ava squealed when Bell picked up, she missed her! Ava met the pink haired dancer when "Village Rites" was playing in a bar somewhere in New York (a gig they got due to Wyatt knowing the owner). "Sorry for not calling sooner Bell, things have been absolutely crazy on my end." She went on to explain everything about Wyatt cheating on her and how she left him, which Bell gave her a solid "Good job Ava! I'm so proud of you! Fuck that guy!" Which made Ava giggle.

"I drove around for a while, just sorta figuring things out. I've been living in Louisiana for the past little while now."

"Louisiana? Really Av?" Bell laughed. "That is the last place id expect you to be. I thought next time id see you that you would be living in the big city under the glow of all those big city lights!"

"Yeah well I didn't really expect to stay here either. I was originally going to New Orleans and then maybe heading over to New York, but.." Ava stuttered off. "I met someone and I decided to stay." Bell grinned widely and squealed. "No way! How did you met them!?" Ava went on to tell the story of how she met Lester and all the others in Ambrose. She didn't mention exactly where she was when she met him or where she is now though. She liked Bell but all the murder in town would kind of a be prison sentence if it got out.

"Aww!" Bell cried out, kicking her feet. "That's so cute!!" Ava couldn't help but giggle and blush.

"I met someone too, Av! You would really like him! Hes totally cool and I know you guys would get along with your tastes in music." Bell gushed about the new guy she had met, Wolf. They weren't together but the pink haired girl confessed her strong feelings toward the boy.

"Well ill have to interrogate this guy, make sure hes not your typical New York scum." Ava joked.

"And Ill have to interrogate your new beau!" Bell giggled as a light bulb went off in her head. "When do you plan on coming back here? I miss you!"

Ava pouted. "I'm not sure, things have been a little crazy here. Lester and I have talked about getting away for a little while. Maybe we can drive up your way and see you! Id love for you to meet him!"

"That sounds perfect! Maybe you can meet Wolf too!" The girls both squealed together.

"That's perfect!" Ava shouted. The girls continued to talk for the next few hours or so about what they've been up to. Ava talked about all of her new family and Bell gushed about how excited she was for her upcoming show. They talked like two school girls hogging their parents landlines until Lester came in to let her know what he was almost finished making dinner.

"Bell, I gotta go but ill call you again real soon! Ill let you know if Les and I end up taking that trip and we can come see you."

"Okay, but don't wait too long!"

"I wont! Bye Bells!" They flashed each other little finger hearts before ending the call and Ava raced down to the kitchen to help Lester with the finishing touches on dinner. She wanted to take that trip even more now.

[sanjana-aqua]

UNEXPECTED LOVE CHAPTER 3

Yoongi X Reader

Au, Smut, Romantic

Word count: 4K

Sana woke up when sun rays hit her face. Blinking her eyes few times, she got up while stretching herself. She looked at the side but he was not there. A small smile came on her lips remembering previous night, how gentle and lovely he was with her. She got down from bed, wore her hoddie and went in search of him.

A sweet smell of pancakes made her realize that suga is in kitchen. She made her way only to get an amazing view. Suga was busy in preparing breakfast and sana’s mouth got watery. Not on the aroma of food, but the sight in front of her. Suga was shirtless, his perfect body and toned abs were on display. She leaned on the side wall eyeing him up to down while licking her lips.

Sooner, suga sensed her presence and looked at her. He smirked seeing her checking out.

“Morning” he said making her come to reality. She smiled sweetly to him greeting back.

“Breakfast is almost ready… make yourself comfortable on the dining table…” he said. She came towards him and back-hugged him taking him off guard.

“Sana…”

She cut him off saying “just felt like hugging you… I’ll wait for you in the dining area…”

She softly pecked his shoulder and went from the kitchen. he composed his heart which started beating crazily after sensing her touch.

‘God… please give me strength for what I am going to do…’ he prayed internally and finished making breakfast.

After sometimes, they both were having breakfast but it was all silent. Suga was not saying anything, which sana found a bit weird. To break the silence, she said “breakfast is nice…”

Suga mumbled a small ‘thanks’ and continued eating. Soon, he got a text on his phone. Seeing that, he started to have his food a bit fast.

“hey… eat slow… you will choke…” sana said.

Suga “My client is waiting… I need to go…”

Sana made an ‘oh’ face but internally, she got a bit disturbed. She clearly understood what ‘client’ work he is having and honestly, she did not want him to go. But she was controlling herself as she did not have any right on him, not yet.

Suga “how you will pay?”

Sana came out of her thoughts listening to him. She got confused on what he was asking and said “what?”

Suga gulped down the bite he was having in his mouth and said “I asked how you will pay… cheque or cash?”

Sana was still confused and asked “pay for what suga?”

Suga (in mind) ‘I am sorry sana… but I have to this….’

Seeing him lost, sana shook him a bit and said “suga… pay for what?”

Suga “for the night….”

Sana was stunned hearing this. it seems all her senses went numb; no words came from her mouth and she was looking at him without blinking.

Suga looked at his watch and said “Sana I don’t have time… I have to go also… if you are making cash payment you can give it to me now and if it is cheque… you can ask my agency or your friend ava… make sure to pay today itself…”

Sana was still in shock. Water started forming in her eyes but she controlled herself and said “you slept with me for… for money?”

Suga made a confused face and said “obviously… what else for?”

Sana “you said you left your client for me…”

Suga sipped his coffee and said “yeah… she was old… around 60 and was not even ready to pay me full… I got a better option…” and he winked to her.

Sana controlled herself and got up saying “you will get your money… bye…”

She was about to leave when suga said “wait…”

She stopped on her tracks and he came behind her saying “next time… don’t stalk me please… make a proper booking through my agency…”

Sana turned to him and said “it will not be needed… you will not see me around you suga… bye…”

She immediately left the house and the tears that were fighting to come from his eyes finally rolled down. He did not even bother to wipe them and said “if possible, please forgive me… I really don’t have a choice sana…”

Here, instead of going to her home, sana went towards ava’s house. She started ringing her doorbell continuously.

Ava opened the door and said “what happened sana… why are you ringing bell like this… all okay?”

Sana couldn’t control herself and hugged her while crying. Ava was taken aback by her sudden act and hugged her back. She gently dragged her inside house and closed the door.

She made sana sit on couch and gave her water. Sana gulped it down in a go and ava said “what happened sana?”

Sana looked at ava and said “how much you paid suga for that bachelorette party?”

Ava (confused) “why?”

Sana (yelling a bit) “just tell me… how much…”

Ava “ahmmm… I paid around 3L won…”

Sana wiped her tears harshly and said “give me the account details…. NOW…”

Ava got a bit scared seeing sana this furious. Without asking anything, she gave the account details and sana transferred the money asap and then threw her phone on the next couch.

Sana closed her eyes and rested her back on the couch while taking deep breaths. Ava gently held her shoulder and asked “what happened bub… tell me…”

Sana opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling blankly saying “I gave my virginity to him and he slept with me for money…I still can’t believe this ava…”

Ava understood what might have happened and she said “sana… I know what you are feeling… but I guess it’s his job… and…”

Sana (cutting her) “I don’t want to talk about it ava… I really have had enough betrayal in past two days… I genuinely thought that he did it willingly… I felt him… he felt me… it was magical… but I guess it was only for me…”

Ava “it’s not your fault babe… (caressed her cheek) you go and take rest…”

Sana nodded like a child and went to the guest room.

On the other side, suga saw the message saying money has been transferred to his account. He smiled bitterly to himself thinking ‘well done suga… keep going like this and you will end up being fucked up from all sides… even after genuinely feeling for sana I was not able to keep her with me… such a pathetic me…’

Another message popped on his phone from his agency telling the place and time for meeting the client.

Suga took a deep breath and said “time to go to reality…”

…

…

…

After a week

“Come on sana… till when you’re gonna cage yourself…” Ava said trying to convince sana to go out with her.

Sana “I really don’t feel like going anywhere ava please…”

Ava “no… today you are coming with me… I got a promotion and I want to celebrate with you… please please please… for me….”

She said with such pleading eyes that sana couldn’t resist.

Sana smiled a bit and said while pinching her cheeks “okay… I will come with you…”

“yayyy…thanks sana” she said in excitement and hugged sana…

They both got ready and headed to the club for celebrating ava’s success. Ava was enjoying a lot and sana too started to enjoy a bit forgetting everything. Both of them were dancing on the floor while having their drink.

After a while, sana came from the dance floor to go to washroom. While she was returning from there, she heard a very feeble whimper. She halted her steps and looked here and there, but didn’t see anything.

“Am I hallucinating?” she thought and was about to leave when she heard the same sound, a bit louder than before. She got curious and went in the direction of the sound, which was near VIP room.

“Shall I go or not… but it seems someone is in pain… fuck it…” she said and went towards the particular room from where the whimper and groaning sound was coming. She thought to knock on the door but to her surprise, room was opened. She entered, but it was dark and she could clearly figure out a person sitting on bed and was in pain. She immediately switched on the lights and the scene in front of her shocked her.

Suga was sitting on bed in his boxers only and was having bruises almost everywhere on his body. Seeing him like this, sana got hell worried and started going towards him.

As soon as the lights turned on, suga closed his eyes tightly. Soon, he felt a soft touch on his shoulder but he flinched a bit.

“it’s me…” a familiar voice came and suga turned his head towards the voice. His eyes got widened and words got stuck in his throat seeing sana standing there with concern all over her face.

She sat beside him scanning him from up to down. There was a bruise on his forehead and sides of lips, marks on his back and upper body which seemed like a belt mark. Her eyes got a bit teary seeing rope marks on his wrist and feet.

Before she could say anything, suga said “what are you doing here?”

Sana controlled her emotions and got up from bed. Looking around, she saw his clothes scattered on the floor. She gently wiped her tears and started collecting his clothes.

“I asked something sana…” suga said but she forwarded his clothes to him saying “wear it…”

He looked at her but didn’t take the clothes.

“Wear it or I will make you wear…” she said.

He signed and took his clothes. Wearing his tee and pants, he said “care to answer my question…”

She completely ignored the question and held his arm. Putting it across her shoulder, she made him stand while holding his waist for support.

“Without saying or doing anything, come with me…” she ordered. He wanted to stop her but seeing her glare, he gulped and nodded slightly.

Sana carefully took him to her car and made him sit on the passenger seat. In the meantime, she texted ava that she is having an urgent work and she told her parents that she is having sleepover at ava’s place.

She came to driving seat and made suga wear seatbelt, making sure seatbelt is not too tight to touch his bruises. She started driving and suga was looking at her with his doe eyes.

“thanks…” he said to which she slightly nodded. The whole ride was silent which was a bit awkward for both of them but none of them dared to speak anything.

Upon reaching his home, she got down first and went across to open door for him. She removed his seatbelt and took his arms when he said “I can walk sana…”

She glared him and asked “really?”

Suga was not able to say anything and looked down. Sana shook her head slightly and helped him to reach his apartment. She made him sit on bed and asked “where is the first aid kit…”

Suga “in the cupboard… first shelf…”

She nodded and went to get it. Suga’s eyes were stuck on her… even if he wanted, he can’t deny that he is liking her care for him and he wanted only her at this moment. A small smile crept on his lips seeing her worried for him.

Sana got the first aid kit and sat next to him saying “remove your tee and pants…”

His eyes widened a bit and he said hesitantly “w..what…”

Sana rolled her eyes and said “as if I have not seen anything before… remove it…”

He smirked slightly and removed his clothes. Seeing his bruises, her eyes again became teary and she gently touched his shoulder saying “who did this…”

Suga smiled bitterly and said “it’s not a big deal…”

Sana (a bit high tone) “not a big deal… you have bruises all over your body… your hands and legs were tied… and you are saying its not a big deal…”

Suga “yes… because I am an escort… its common for us…”

She dipped the cotton in antiseptic and slowly applied on his wounds on chest saying “more than that… you are a human…”

Suga hissed in pain and she blew on his wound to ease it. Along with the warmth, he felt a tingly sensation when her breath hit his skin. He was controlling himself to the core but right now, he needed her hug. He made a fist to control himself from touching her and she noted that.

“It’ll be fine…” she assured him while treating his wrist.

“I heard about Stefan’s accident…” suga said

Sana “I don’t want to talk about it… besides karma hit him… and he is in coma…”

Suga “you okay…”

She hummed and treated his legs. After that, she sat behind him and saw bruises on his back. Not being able to control more, she started shedding tears while treating him.

Here, suga saw her from the mirror and his heart clenched seeing her crying like this. A drop of tear fell on his back and he immediately turned to face her. She sensed his move and looked down, not able to meet his eyes.

He gently cupped her cheeks saying “look at me…” to which she shook her head.

“please” he pleaded and she looked at him. Their eyes met and time seemed to stop for them. They were looking deeply at each other. Unknowingly, her hand went towards his lips and she caressed the bruise there.

“You don’t deserve this suga… why you are doing this?” she asked

“I wish I could tell you sana… but…” he signed

Sana took a deep breath and said “I don’t know what it is that you are hiding… but if you feel like you can give your pain to me…”

Suga was stunned for a second at her words and said “what do you mean sana…”

She came close to him and pecked his lips slightly saying “give me your pain suga… you have been through a lot…”

“I… I… can’t sana…” he said understanding her words…

Careful enough not to hurt his wounds, she hugged him saying “you can… use me to release your pain…” she herself doesn’t know why she was saying like this but she wanted to do this for him…

He hugged her back and said “why?”

She kissed on the bruise on his shoulder saying “coz you need it…”

Suga (still controlling) “I can’t use you sana…”

She broke the hug and looked at him saying “then treat me as your client… and I am doing it willingly…”

“sana…” suga said but she cut him off by gently pressing her lips on him.

He was stuck in his thoughts… his mind and heart were saying different things… his mind was asking him to break the kiss but his heart wanted her badly. Finally, the heart won, he jerked his thoughts and hugged her tightly while kissing her. He needed her this time… badly…

While kissing her, he started unzipping her dress while softly caressing her back. She let out a moan feeling the sensation and he took a chance to enter his tongue inside her mouth. He started exploring and tasting her while removing her dress and she was a moaning mess. Today, she wanted him to dominate her… to release all his stress and tension on her…

Breaking the kiss, sana cupped his cheek saying “today consider me your slave… do whatever you want to me suga… I won’t stop you…”

Suga held her hand which was on his cheek and kissed it saying “why…”

Sana smiled and said “because you need it…”

No sooner she said that, he pulled her in a passionate kiss and removed her dress completely. Breaking the kiss, he eyed her from up to down which made her blush. He slowly placed his palm on her face and caressed it, making her close her eyes. His hand travelled down slowly, from her face to throat, between her cleavage, her belly button and then her wet clit.

She moaned feeling his soft touches and he asked “I can really consider you as my slave…”

She nodded on this while her eyes were still closed. They both were on their knees on bed. He came close and touched her nipples from her tongue, which made shivers run in her body. He took one of her breasts in mouth while sucking it hard and his other hand was playing with her clit. He came near her ears and whispered “lie down…”

She obeyed him like an obedient kid and laid on bed. Suga also laid but in a way that his mouth was near her clit and his member was pointing towards her. She looked at him as if she understood what he wants and held his member asking “shall I?”

He nodded and she took his member in hand, removing the foreskin and she grazed her finger over his sensitive skin. He moaned and touched her wet clit. Both of them felt a shot of pleasure from the touch and suga said “take it in mouth and make me cum… and as long as you will give me blow job… I will eat you out…”

She nodded and started taking him slowly in mouth. Gently sucking and licking him all over, she grazed her saliva all over. A moan escaped her when she felt his tongue on her already wet clit. She breathed her moan on his member and he felt pleasure running all over. This thing, both eating out each other at same time, was such a turn on and pleasurable experience for both of them.

Sana couldn’t control herself as he was increasing his pace. She held the bedsheet tightly and also increased the pace. Both of them were competing on who will make whom cum first. But suga was fast, his tongue was rolling all over her clit and then he inserted his finger inside…

“oh my fucking god…” she screamed on his member and came on his tongue. She was panting heavily while his cock was still in her mouth. Her deep and fast breaths were hitting his member that were giving him pleasure shots.

“deep throat sana…” he said while moaning and she understood the assignment. She made herself steady and started taking him more in, his dick head touching her throat. The skin contact made him flinch a bit and he groaned loudly. Sana knew she hit the pleasure point and she started fucking her throat with his dick. Now being able to control himself, he inserted his two fingers in her vagina. She let out a shriek and at the same time, suga came in her mouth.

“you know I can taste you how many times you cum…” she said while kissing his member. Both of them got up and he said “you are amazing sana…”

She flipped her hair a bit and said “thanks..”

Suga giggled seeing that and she got lost in his smile. Cupping his face gently, she said “your smile is really precious…”

He kissed her hand and said “you want to try a new position…”

She touched his member and said “why not… (whispering) master…”

Suga smirked hearing this and said “am I your master…”

She smiled back and said “yes… for tonight…”

Suga came close to her ears and said “then make your master hard again… hard enough to wreck you completely…”

Sana gripped his member, which was soft and said “as per your order…”

Just her touch made him moan and his member became a bit warm. She made him sit while his head was resting on bed headboard and spread his legs wide. She leaned in and kissed him while gently stroking and massaging his member. Suga closed his eyes feeling her kiss and the massage… damn that was sending him to heavens.

She trailed her kiss down his throat turning him on more. Her teasing, kisses and massage made him hard again and he said while panting “ride me…”

Sana smirked in satisfaction seeing him hard again and she said “for sure… master…”

She came and sat on his lap. Keeping her hand on the headboard on the sides of his head, she was trying to adjust herself.

Suga gently held her hand and said “keep it on my shoulder…”

Sana (worried) “but you have a bruise there… it will pain…”

Suga kept her hand on his shoulder and said “you treated it… it will not pain…”

Sana smiled and nodded. Making sure she is not touching any of his wound, she adjusted herself and suga held her hips, keeping the pressure. His member directly went inside her within a stroke and hit directly her g-spot…

“ohh fuckkk…” she shrieked and hugged him a bit tightly. He hissed a bit but let it go as the pleasure he was getting was way more to ignore the pain.

“you okay…” he asked to which she nodded. When she felt she adjusted, she slowly started riding him, slow enough to make him feel the pleasure and at an angle that was constantly touching her g spot. Suga started sucking her breasts while she was riding him, which made pleasure up for her more and she increased the pace… both got lost in each other and that night went way long for them…

…

…

…

Morning 5am

Sana got up, actually she didn’t sleep whole night. She was stroking his hair and thinking ‘who ever did that to you will have to pay suga… I won’t let this slide….’

Her phone vibrated as it was on silent mode. She got up without disturbing his sleep and attended the call. As the call ended, a creepy smile came on her face. She turned to look at him sleeping peacefully.

She came towards him and gently caressed his face whispering “just wait and watch suga… your life is going to take a turn…”

She gathered her belongings and left from there.

11 am

Suga came to his agency as everyone was called today. An incident took place last night. Without anyone’s knowledge, the agency was handed to someone else and the new owner was coming today. Everyone was busy in preparation while suga’s mind was somewhere else.

When he got up in the morning, he did not find sana beside him. He was about to search for her but got a note on the side table which read…

No need to search for me suga… I went in early morning… I hope you are feeling better and I transferred the money in your account… please treat your wound once again after showering… bye

Suga felt guilt rush in him after seeing that she transferred the money… but he himself created such boundary between them. In his thoughts, he didn’t even notice that the new owner came and also went to the cabin.

He was lost in his thoughts when one of his co-worker came towards him and said “suga… the owner is calling you…”

Suga came out from his thoughts and said a bit confused “why… why me…”

Co-worker “you are the highest paid escort here… I guess that’s why the owner wants to meet you… go… she hates people who are lazy…”

“so the owner is a lady…” he mumbled to himself and made his way to her cabin. He knocked slightly before entering.

“come in…” A voice came and he entered in the cabin…

“You called me mam…” he said while looking at the figure which was back-facing him holding a file.

“Min yoongi… so that’s your real name…” the lady turned while saying this…

Shocked, surprise, confusion… all came on suga’s face at once seeing the person and he could only say

“SANA…”

…

…

…

[how-to-do-it-better]

The Ideal Penis: Part 1

No matter your size, you can make it work for you.

By Dancing Sprite. World Data.info, Risia Skye, & nh play guy. Listen to the Podcast at How-to Sex.

We’re taking plenty of time for this issue, because it has a lot of myths, yet it impacts much of how we interact.

In the same way that busty women often carry themselves in a confident aura, and often intimidate other women, Some men have a confidence that is tied to their ‘package’. Men who don’t have super-sized packages, sometimes feel a significant lack of confidence.

Never mind that longer, thicker men are usually denied uncomfortable intercourse from many women. And they are almost always deprived of alternative sex act like fellatio and anal penetration.

Some men are also adverse to the attention they draw for their larger physiology; just as some women don’t like being stereotyped for having big tits.

How does your equipment compare to others? Find out!

Dancing Sprite provides some historic statistics, so our further conversations will be based on a proper perspective.

Few questions seem to occupy men as much as the size of their dicks. Is it too short? Will my girl think I’m a bad lover or even laugh at me because it’s shorter than others she’s had? Is it long enough to reach every nook and cranny of her pussy and stimulate each and every nerve ending? How does my dick compare to others? Is it longer? Shorter? Average?

Questions upon questions. Especially avid readers of porn stories, who regularly come across  tales of 10", 12", or even 15" cocks, often can’t help comparing these specimens to their own equipment and, not surprisingly, find their own dicks to be much smaller than the ones they read about. The question that has to come up sooner or later is: who’s the freak, the guy in the story with the 12" monster or me with my 5" dick? How long is the average human penis, anyway?

Despite widespread interest in this question, however, there are surprisingly few scientific studies which could give us a definitive answer. Instead, as always, when solid information is scarce, rumors and speculations run rampant. Even basic facts become the subject of heated arguments among locker room buddies and many men are more confused than ever. Most obvious is the fact that, according to leading sexologists, almost 80 percent of all men secretly believe that their dick is shorter than average.

While the optimum penis size will probably always remain subject to debate, at least the average size doesn’t have to be.

Kinsey Institute Weighs In

The first extensive study of penis sizes was undertaken by the Alfred C. Kinsey Institute for Sex Research in the mid-1940s and found the average penis to be 6.2" long. This study, which is still kind of an authority on the subject, had one flaw, however: participants in the study were never actually measured; they were given stamped postcards on which they marked the length of their erect penises, then mailed the results back to the institute. This procedure was often criticized for its lack of supervision of the participants and the possibility of distortions due to inaccurate measurements or downright cheating. It’s called ‘self-reporting’ and is widely discredited for clinical research protocols.

After the Kinsey report, several other studies on the same subject followed, conducted among others by the University of California in San Francisco and the Lifestyles Condom Company. These studies came to slightly different results, but all found the average penis length to be somewhere about 10 shorter than Kinsey; between 5.1" and 5.9".

As is the case with most objects in nature, the distribution of penis lengths follows a bell curve. The line peaks just under 6" and falls to both sides; the farther away you get from the statistical average, the less frequent a certain length occurs. In fact, about 90 percent of all penises are between 5" and 7" long.

The longest penis ever described in medical literature, a 14" specimen, was mentioned in a book by Dr. David Reuben, but since he didn’t give a source and the measurement could not be independently verified, scientists tend to disregard that report. The longest medically verified penis is not far behind, however; in the early 20th century, Dr. Robert Dickinson came across a 13 point 5" penis, which still holds the record. Other studies found various penises between 9" and 12", but organs of this length are in fact quite rare.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, the smallest fully functional penises documented in medical literature measure around point 5" in length. While many people might balk at the description of a half-inch dick as “fully functional,” in this context it means being able to get erect and have an ejaculation(somehow).

Your Turn To survey.

In case you’ve never measured your own dick and are wondering how to do it correctly, it’s easy: first you need to get an erection, then you stand upright and hold your penis at a 90 degree angle from your pelvic bone, i.e. parallel to the floor. Now place a ruler on top of it, press it lightly against your pelvic bone, and read the number off the ruler where the tip is. Don’t cheat!

Now, before you decide to throw a party because your dick is longer than average after all, or jump off a bridge because it really is shorter, here’s the result of another study:

Most women don’t care!

About 80 percent of the women who were interviewed expressed no preference for penis size; they said that what a man is able to do with it is the important thing, not its size. And while some women do indeed prefer long dicks, the majority of the remaining 20 percent said they didn’t like large penises because they hurt.

There you have it, guys. Don’t worry about its size, just use it and have fun!

WorldData.info recently conducted a global ‘self-reporting’ survey.

They found no association between age or body mass.

No other topic on this website has been asked for more often than the average size of male genitalia. This international comparison now gives some basic data about the mean sizes per country.

Over all countries, the average size of a penis is about 5.35". The longest ones are 6.93" long on average and carried by men in Ecuador. The average length in Cambodia is only 3.95", which is about 6.1 percent of the body height.

Among Caucasians, the nations of Georgia, France, Netherlands, and Canada were all slightly longer than 6”, while most Asian and Middle Eastern nations fell short of 5”.

The USA, Russia, Japan, India, & the British men all approached 5 point 5 inches.

Clearly, Southeast Asian men were have the smallest average cocks; in the 4” range.

The average cock lengthens 50% when transitioning from a warm dry flaccid state, to a rigid & fully erect state.

A little frank talk about the (un)importance of size

And now let’s talk a while about how a woman deals with a man’s phallus, and what she needs.

What Can A Woman Handle?

By Risia Skye

Myth: Secretly, women all really want an enormously endowed man and only pretend not to; so as not to hurt men’s feelings. Men, how many times have you heard women say that it doesn’t matter; and how many of other times have you heard comedians make jokes about what a lie this is? Which do you believe, or do you not know what to think anymore? Women, surely you’ve noticed that men seem to worry a great deal about the size of their cocks, right? In all likelihood, you’ve even measured at least one hard-on for a partner who was “just curious.” Ever wonder what causes that anxiety? Well, no wonder they’re confused and even scared about how their equipment “measures up”; with all the mixed messages out there, it’s a wonder men aren’t more obsessed with the size question. It’s tough enough to get naked in front of another person and open one’s self to body judgement, let alone taking that risk when you can’t even tell what’s attractive to the opposite sex, much less whether or not you fit the bill.

Reality: Penis size doesn’t (really) matter. The truth is that there’s no simple, always true for all women, standard answer as to what’s the best size, for a variety of reasons. Pussies are differently sized, for one thing, and are thus optimally stimulated by different sizes and shapes of cock. Also, there’s a great deal of truth to the old adage that “it’s not the size of the wave, but the motion of the ocean.” While among ourselves, most women will admit that penis size does have some impact on sexual satisfaction, there’s a lot of wrong ideas (especially among men) about what that really means. For one thing, while most men seem to focus their size-anxieties on it, most women don’t really care about length; the average vagina is only 4 to 5 inches deep, and the average erection is slightly over five inches, so that all works out just fine the majority of the time. Circumference, on the other hand, can seriously affect the experience of intercourse. Women, by and large, enjoy the sensation of fullness that can only come from girth; it’s the flip side to men’s enjoyment of a tight, clenching pussy.

And, even if a man has limited endowment; in both length and girth; he can be a skilled and fully satisfying sexual partner for most women. A smaller than average erection doesn’t equate to a bad lover because attentive foreplay and technical proficiency go a long way; rather than sweat the issue or do silly things like buy products which claim to increase size, you’d be better off accepting your body and learning to make optimal use of the equipment you were dealt by the hand of Fate. In fact, regardless of penis size, every man has the potential to be a good lover; and the best way to start is by taking the focus off of genital measurements and redirecting it toward a much broader idea of eroticism and sex appeal. Learning to use the whole body and mind during the sexual experience, rather than relying upon erection size as the barometer of sexual prowess, makes for a much better lover.

Corollary myth: a big cock makes for a good lover. First, I’m not denying that some women really are size queens; they truly do prefer, or even insist upon, sexual partners with larger (sometimes significantly so) than average organs. Let’s address the size-focused minority first and get it out of the way: there are three principle groups of female size queens and size-fantasists. Some see it as exotic, often associating cock size with race or some other way in which the ideal partner is different from the woman; much the same way a man might eroticize Asian women based on stereotypical images of the submissive “Lotus Flower” or the sexually voracious bitch-goddess known as the “Dragon Lady.” For this group of women, penis size is often occupying the place of the real turn-on because the implications of the fantasy are uncomfortable; for example, given U.S. cultural history, what does it mean for a white woman to fantasize about being fucked senseless by a big, well-muscled and hugely endowed black man? And who wants to think about history, racist stereotypes, and cultural role reversal taboos when they’re trying to get off anyway? Other women actually like a plus-sized erection because it’s tougher to have satisfying sex with than average-sized equipment; think of it as a scaled down version of the attraction to Mt. Everest.

Corollary reality: a larger than average penis can actually make sex much more difficult, frustrating, and even painful. And some women actually sexually desire oversized phalluses because the sexual experience might be difficult due to size. Particularly for women who consider themselves skilled and experienced in bed, taking pride in this image of themselves, encountering a particularly daunting erection is a challenge to their self-image that cannot go unanswered, and having “been there and done that” will add another notch to their accumulation of diverse sexual experiences. Also, sexual masochism is more prevalent among women than men, which means that some women actually desire to be penetrated by uncomfortably or even painfully large phalluses; while heterosexual men are the least likely to understand this, because they’re statistically the least likely to find pleasure in masochism.

Even if a particular woman really and truly only wants to have sex with jumbo-sized members, a big erection doesn’t automatically equate to a good sexual experience. Much like the prettiest girl in high school tended to get away with being a bitch to everyone else, well-endowed men often seem to consider the size of their package a license for laziness in bed, treating it as the reincarnation of cavemen’s clubs; as though women will simply fall at their feet in a swoon of sexual frenzy from the mere sight of the thing. Having a big one means a whole lot more to men than it does to most women, and it does absolutely nothing to make a man better in bed; in fact, a man with a truly large penis who lacks skill is often actively worse than an average sized man of the same skill because a large erection is difficult to manipulate, a challenge to perform oral sex on, and hurts to fuck if it’s done badly.

Global Cock Research and commentary

Finally, we’ll finish part 1 of this topic with a man’s insights and research.

Size Ain’t Everything, and I can Prove It.

How much of an issue is a man’s size?

By nh play guy

I’m a 45 year old, married man who, I’m reluctant to admit, has cheated many times over the years. Of all the women I’ve been with; and the number is probably close to two dozen; I’ve never once been the “biggest” guy they’d ever been with. Usually I wasn’t as big as the guy they were currently with. Yep, that’s right, most of these women were married; or at least in a relationship with someone else; someone who was well endowed.

Maybe I should describe my “self” before I go too far. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I’m not an under-endowed guy with 3 or 4 inches. Actually, if the statistics I keep hearing are correct; that the average size is between 5 and 6 inches; then I’m on the high end of average or perhaps slightly larger. That said, every woman I’ve been with was used to a bigger guy. Excluding the unusual instance of simply not being compatible, every one of them preferred sex with me over sex with the larger man she was accustomed to.

When pressed, they admitted it wasn’t that the other guy was too big; most of them usually did like the size (or at least didn’t object to it). No, it was more the sex itself that wasn’t what it could be for them.

My own opinion is that these men are at least somewhat aware that they’re comparatively well-endowed and they think that’s enough. They simply don’t try to please the woman because they think that the sheer size will “impress” them and please them.

I, on the other hand, do try to please my partner. Yes, of course there are times when I’m selfish, but that’s the exception. As a rule, I get the most pleasure from the knowledge that my partner was well and thoroughly pleased.

So anyway, based on my experience, I’m convinced that size isn’t that much of an issue. It’s probably important to at least have “enough”; whatever that might be; but beyond that, it’s just a bonus.

What I had a tricky time understanding was, if I’m average size (statistic-wise), how is it that all these women think I’m small? In all seriousness, I was becoming depressed over it. I started wondering if the statistics were false; made up in order to buoy the fragile male ego.

I tried every way I could think of to get to the truth about size. I consulted web sites, articles, reference books; I even asked a few of my female friends about their size preference. Everything seemed to reinforce the 5 to 6 inch average.

It seems to me that there are three likely reasons for these women to consider me small.

The first Possibility

As mentioned above, is that average size is really bigger than I think, and I really am actually small. Now, I really did do my best to find the truth and can tell you without influence of ego that I’m satisfied that’s not the case.

So that leaves a second  possibility.

As alluded to earlier, perhaps these larger endowed men are just selfish and lazy lovers. After all, none of these women were with me because they were dissatisfied with another average or smaller guy. No, they were all used to being with bigger men. So maybe that’s the answer; bigger guys are just lazy lovers. I guess that’s possible. But I can’t believe that’s true of all of them. Sure, maybe some, but all? I have a hard time accepting that.

So that brings us to the third possibility.

Maybe these women who are fortunate enough to attract well-hung men also just happen to be women who enjoy sexual variety.

If we explore that a little deeper, we’ll most likely find that these women are extremely sexual creatures. They probably exude confidence and sexuality. If that’s true, it may stand to reason that only a man who knows he’s well-endowed would have the necessary confidence (and therefore, courage) to actually approach these women. With few exceptions, women will select a man from among those who openly show an interest. Women don’t usually make the first move.

Okay, so here’s what we have: a woman who’s very sexy and perhaps a little intimidating. Only the most confident of men will make an advance on her. The reason these men are so sexually confident in the first place is (speculatively) because they’re well endowed. Therefore, the only men these women are ever with are well hung men.

But there’s good news. Remember above I said these women like sexual variety? So you and I have a chance. As long as we’re not assholes, and the woman in question (not knowing what’s in our pants) finds us otherwise attractive, we just have to have the balls to approach them.

Once we’ve gotten our chance though; and this is important guys; don’t fuck up. Remember, we’re not the big luxury-liner that doesn’t even have to try in order to be impressive. No, we’re more like “the little engine that could”. We keep trying and doing whatever it takes to please her.

Don’t forget, odds are, she’s always had bigger guys, so she may be surprised when she sees you (most likely she won’t embarrass you though, so don’t get all uptight). So you have to impress her with your attentiveness and; dare I say it; confidence (not arrogance; that’s for those other guys with the big dicks; you know, the guys who’s women you’re screwing because they are arrogant).

Now that we’ve got that straightened out, I’d like to talk about the other side of this; because you may not be aware of it, but this whole thing is a giant double-standard. “What do you mean?” You ask.

Here we are, a bunch of average guys, whining about how life’s not fair. “I’d have a better chance with the ladies and I’d be a lot happier and all would be right with the world; if only I had a bigger dick.” For crying out loud, quit your belly-aching.

What about all the women who you never even consider because they don’t match you idea of perfection? Most of these women are lovely and sexy in their own right. Unfortunately, it requires someone who’s not narrow-minded to see it.

Maybe they have a little more meat on their bones than you like (don’t knock it, you probably don’t know what you’re missing). Maybe they’re a little older (trust me; definitely don’t knock that). Maybe they simply suffer from the curse of being average (sound familiar?). I’ve been with several women; some from each of those “categories”; and let me tell you: they will rock your world if you just give them a chance.

Think about this: do you know the other dirty little secret to this double-standard? You know how the guys with the big dicks are arrogant and selfish (some of them)? Well guess what these beautiful, sexy, ideal-looking love goddesses are like (some of them).

It works both ways guys.

By nh play guy

Our next episode will include insights from a hyper-active swinger named Evangelina, whose had many many men, yet her own husband measures a bit shorter than average.

To be continued in Part 2

By Dancing Sprite, RisiaSkye, nh play guy, & WorldData.info

[thathusenfulhu]

namaste from sawasdee cafe

i am salivating, yes this most vulgar form of excitement, at the prospect of impending nutrition: dining at the new thai place the next day. it took me ages to get their name right - sawasdee cafe. first, i had to remember swastika, but unfortunately for a long while, that was all i remembered. 'you wanna know what's good there?' sampaafulhu asks. 'no, i wanna go in blind.' 'you dont even want to see some photos?' 'blind i said. BLIND!' so when the day and time come, i empty a half a cannister of nike extreme on my person and wait for my avas ride. sampaafulhu is getting a bike, too, because it was taking way too long to book an avas for both of us. 'might as well call themselves LAS ride,' i say 'what's that smell?' asks sampaafulhu. 'nike.' anyhow, my ride goes past the cafe twice before finally parking a few feet away. 'it's much too small to get noticed,' says the rider. or is it driver?   'at least we're here.' i tell him. inside, sampaafulhu's friend nadheemadhi is seated by her. 'where were you?' asks nadheemadhi. i don't think i've ever seen her face do anything but smile. it must get tiring at SOME point, right? and without waiting for an answer, they immediately start talking business. both nadheemadhi and sampaafulhu do important stuff, like, REALLY important stuff. that's all i can say here. and it takes me a moment to register the spread on the table. raw pieces of chicken and beef rest on a huge plate while another plays host to prawns, octopus and calamari. in the middle of our table - which is the only proper table here with seating for maybe six max - is this cooker which a lovely thai woman is coating with butter. 'what's going on? what's this?' 'this is thai bbq' replies the woman. 'we're gonna eat ALL of this?' i ask 'you think it's too much?' responds nadheemadhi. 'it's really barely enough. i finished one of these with a friend of mine.' oh man. the woman is grilling up the meat on the hot plate now. 'do the hostesses do this for their customers back in thailand?' 'no, but i don't want some man eating half-cooked food and complaining and having our restaurant shut down.' she says and the other women snigger. 'what's your name?' 'my name?' the hostess goes into shock. 'why do you want my name?' 'just curious.' 'aisha.' the women laugh knowingly. 'but you're thai!' i exclaim. 'my mother married a maldivian.' now the lady prepares soup in the centre of the cooker and soon she gives us permission to eat. 'my GOD is this good!' i declare. 'how did it go with the dentist?' nadheemadhi asks sampaafulhu. 'you know, i was afraid i wouldn't be able to come,' she replies. 'oh really?' 'there was this thing, the dentist thought it might be something.' 'wow, i had no idea,' says nadheemadhi sympathetically. 'i went back to them yesterday though and they said it was ok.' 'oh thank god.' 'i was almost looking forward to it being cancer. because then it's settled, right? i can just do whatever i want and die.' 'yeah, i know,' nadheemadhi grins. 'i'm ready to die here and now too, it's not like we're gonna go too far from here, right? this is it.' 'i'm loving this,' i tell them and they pretend like they don't hear me. 'yeah, i was actually thinking though that i didn't want to die because of my nieces,' continues sampaafulhu. 'they'd be so sad.' 'oh they have to learn that whatever they love is going to be taken from them.' laughs nadheemadhi. 'the sooner they learn that the better.' sampaafulhu snorts. 'you know,' i begin. 'they JUST cured a bunch of people with rectal cancer.' 'what's that? cancer for assholes?' says sampaafulhu and nadheema chuckles. 'they cured every single one of them. with pills!' 'great. i can keep on smoking then.' 'oh look, i've something to show you.' nadheemadhi says to me. 'what is it?' 'you know ablo shahid got married again, right?' 'no?' 'ok, so he married this woman. want to see her?' 'is she someone important?' 'just have a look.' she shows me her photo and my GOD it's the spitting image of a younger ablo shahid! in a buruga! 'FUCKING HELL!' 'something wrong?' it's aisha. 'everything's fine. we're coming again.' and i mean it. better watch your step sala thomas you freak of nature.

[arvinsescape]

Too busy.

A/N: I am so sorry this took a while to get out, but here it is! I hope you all enjoy, it is based off a request that @tomhollandlol sent me and I hope you also enjoy and thanks again for your patience. I did change a couple of things but stuck to the basic concept, I hope you don’t mind 💕

Request: Angst one shot, they have 2 kids together, different scenarios, he never pays attention and does something else and is always too busy.

Warnings: Bit of swearing, mentions of sex.

W/C: 4.2K

This last six months had been the hardest she’d ever had to go through, in her entire six years of marriage to Tom, this had been the hardest. Having two kids on top of that didn’t make it any easier, she felt alone, more alone than she had in her life, she was bringing up two children, seemingly on her own. Their eldest was almost four and their youngest was nine months old and teething, which meant she cried a lot.

Tom had been there for most of their journey, he shared the work load and it made life easier but this last six months haven’t ben the case. He became busier, he had two projects going at once and whilst she would happily make allowances for his career it was becoming too much for her. She hated the assumption that things should be easy because she was a stay-at-home mum but that was far from the truth. The children were so young that they needed her constant and undivided attention.

She was struggling to give two children her undivided attention and recently she’s become run down, completely running of fumes. She lives her life in a constant state of tired, she barely does a thing for herself, hell even a shower seemed like a hard task half of the time and Tom? Well half of the time she wasn’t a hundred per cent sure exactly what it was he was doing. She wondered how he hadn’t noticed, how he hadn’t seen the tiredness she constantly displayed.

Half of the mums at school had noticed, she saw it in their looks of pity when she arrived with her son, looking run down and disheveled because she couldn’t make herself look presentable. She didn’t have the time because either her baby would need something or her four-year-old which left no time for herself in a morning.

“Tom?” She shouted as she bounced Ava on her hip.

“Yeah?” He shouted back from where ever he was in the house.

“Can I get your help please?”

“Y/N, I’m busy.”

“You’re always busy.” She muttered to herself as she gave up and tried to soothe Ava on her own whilst making Noah’s lunch.

**

“Tom, I’ve just cleaned there.” She spoke, almost in disbelief as she watched her husband place his golf clubs in the middle of the hall.

“I’ll move them in a bit.” He shrugged. “I need to read over some stuff.” He said as he wandered down the hall and into his office. She couldn’t help herself as she flipped him off on his way, thankful he couldn’t see.

**

“Tom? Is there any chance you can take Noah to school tomorrow? I need to take Ava to an appointment and I don’t wanna be late again.”

“I can’t darling, I’m busy.” He answered, eyes on his laptop.

“Tom, please? I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.” She tried and Tom looked up at her.

“Y/N/N, I am really busy right now. Just take Noah into school earlier and then you won’t be late.” He said and she looked at him in disbelief.

“Right, yeah, okay.” She huffed and left his office, shutting the door with enough force to let him know she was upset with him.

**

“Daddy! Look what I did.” Noah screamed as he made his way through the door.

“I’ll have a look in a bit my love, I’m busy at the moment.” Tom answered and their son huffed in response.

**

“Daddy!” Noah shouted as he ran into his father’s open arms. “Can we go for ice-cream?” He asked excitedly.

“Ask mummy, I have some work to do.” Tom said and Noah visibly deflated.

“She already said no, she’s too tired.” Noah mocked his mother’s voice.

“Well I expect she is tired.” Tom said, they never bad mouthed each other in front of the children. It wasn’t something either of them did.

“Why? She doesn’t work.” Noah folded his arms over his chest and Tom looked at him in a scalding manner.

“That’s not nice. Your mummy works really hard to make sure everything and everyone is okay. Don’t talk about her like that.”

“But she doesn’t do anything. She looks after us, my friends mummy works and she’s fine. Everyone at school has said it, she has nothing to be tired about, that’s what my friend’s mummy’s say.” Noah huffed, he had a bit of a temper streak. Tom’s heart plummeted, where people really shit talking his wife? To the point his son had become subject to it.

“That’s enough now Noah.” Tom said as he set his son down.

“Whatever. You’re always too busy and mummy’s always too tired. You’re both boring.” He snapped before running into his bedroom and slamming the door. This made Tom’s heart shatter, they were both trying to do the right thing. Tom really contemplated his life choices and in hind sight he wished he’d done something sooner, especially with the conversation he was about to have that evening.

**

“Tom, you are never here.” She exclaimed, a small comment having sparked an argument that had her struggling to keep her voice down.

“I’m busy. Look in a couple of months I’ll be here.” He said and she huffed folding her arms over her chest.

“You’re always busy Tom. I can’t remember the last time you put us first.”

“I’m doing this so I can take some more time off, Y/N, I don’t wanna be that guy but I earn the money, I can’t just stop working.” He snapped and she felt her anger rise in response.

“That’s bullshit,” she hissed out and he was taken aback by her tone. “You were in some of the biggest movies going a few years back. We are not struggling for money, that is some bullshit excuse for the fact that you’re not around.” She hissed, voice laced in nothing but venom.

“Look, I have a week off starting tomorrow, I don’t need to be anywhere and I won’t have any responsibilities, I can help.” He offered and she sighed, anger leaving her with nothing but defeat.

“I hope so.” She shrugged and Tom looked at her carefully.

“What do you mean?” He asked, there was something in her tone that scared him.

“I mean,” she sighed. “I can’t keep doing this, I’m tired and I need more from you.” She didn’t sound angry just tired and Tom felt his heart drop.

“Meaning?” He asked tentatively.

“Meaning, I can’t carry on doing this and next time it’s going to be a very different conversation. A conversation about us that I really don’t want to have but it’s come to that.” She sighed out before turning on her heel and leaving Tom with his thoughts. His heart shattered, had he really been so neglectful?

Tom was free for a week, which helped slightly because their son was always itching to spend time with his father. She thought this would mean that she got a little respite after their conversation the previous night but that’s not how it panned out.

“Y/N?” Her husbands voice echoed through the halls and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at his tone. She shouted back her location within the house and few seconds later he appeared. “I need you to look after Noah.” He said, their son hot on his heels, she furrowed her brows.

“Why?” She couldn’t help but asked and Tom gave her a sympathetic look.

“I need to get some of this work done and as much as I love him he’s distracting me.” Tom spoke and she couldn’t help but huff, it was always something.

“I thought you were off this week?” She couldn’t help but ask, tone clipped and she instantly regretted using it in front of Noah.

“I was but then my agent emailed this morning and I now have a load of work to do.” He said, there was a sadness laced in his tone but she didn’t care. She passed him feeling bad about it, she needed him to put them first and recently he hasn’t.

“Fine, whatever.” She grumbled out a response and Tom felt awful, he could see how tired she was, he wouldn’t deny that. But these two projects were taking over and he felt just as tired trying to keep up. To anyone else looking in they would have said the couple needed to sit down and have a chat but of course relationships are more complex than that and the couple were still waiting to have said chat.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” Tom spoke and she sighed.

“It’s whatever Tom. He has some schoolwork he should be doing anyway.” She said, tone defeated and Tom sighed before nodding and making his way back into his office. He wanted to say something but he was afraid to start an argument in front of the children, the two had agreed that their arguments would be kept private, the children didn’t need to know about them.

She spent the afternoon trying to split herself between helping Noah with his math’s work and Ava with her teething. Noah was a bright child when it came to English and Art but Math’s? He was no good at and required a lot of help. She found herself growing frustrated the more she went through the work, she felt guilty but she was so tired she couldn’t help it.

“No, Noah. I’ve shown you this now. Come on, you need to work with me.” She said and instantly regretted the words.

“Mummy, I am trying but I don’t get it.” Noah said back as Ava burst into another flood of tears. She jumped up from her seat, Noah making a noise of annoyance at her actions. She scooped Ava into her arms and rocked her, it was making no difference, the ache in the child’s gum causing ample discomfort.

“Ava come on, shh, it’s okay. Calm down.” She said as she hastily scanned the living room in search of her teething ring. Her eyes landing on the object and she hastily picked it up before handing it to her daughter. She placed the ring in her mouth and instantly her screams calmed to small cries. Once she was settled enough, Y/N placed her back in her high chair and proceeded to help Noah.

She was tired by the end of the evening, her only job being left was to put Noah to bed and he just wouldn’t settle either. He wasn’t great at bed times, he was an alert child who found it hard to switch off for the day.

“Mummy, can we please have another story?” He asked and she felt herself deflate, all she wanted was to have a bath and go to bed.

“But sweetheart, I’ve already read two.” She tried to reason and Noah threw his book onto the floor which made her sigh out as she retrieved it.

“Please mummy? I’m not even tired, can’t I just play with my toys?” He asked, arms folded across his chest and she wasn’t prepared for what was to come next, signs of his temper tantrum approaching and fast.

“No sweetheart, you have school tomorrow.” She sighed out and she watched as her sons face turned into a rather sour expression.

“So? I’m not tired. How can I sleep if I’m not tired? You’re supposed to read to me.” He said and she sighed.

“Baby, mummy’s tired herself okay.” She said, she really didn’t have it in her to stay awake much longer.

“Then get daddy to read to me.” He huffed and she nodded before standing up and making her way into her husbands office, a soft knock pulling him from his work.

“Come in.” Tom’s voice spoke, eyes still trained on his emails.

“Tom? Can you read to Noah please?” She asked, hopefulness lacing her voice, her husbands eyes finding her tired ones. There was something about the way she looked tonight, the way she looked like she was struggling to keep herself stood that reality hit the man hard.

“Of course baby.” Tom said as he stood and he didn’t miss the flash of shock grace his wife’s face. He felt immensely guilty, he hadn’t been there for past six months and he could see what that was doing to her. “Have you eaten?” Tom asked and she shrugged.

“Bits but I’m not hungry.” She said as she rubbed at her red and tired eyes. Tom felt like an utter dick, he’d taken on too much and left his wife to pick up the pieces.

“You should eat.” Tom said and she shrugged.

“I just want to go to bed Tom.” She whispered out and he nodded in response before making his way over to her and kissing her forehead before pulling her into a hug.

“Then go sleep love. I’ve got Noah.” He spoke and she felt relieved, completely and utterly relieved, she didn’t even want the bath anymore, that could wait until tomorrow. She didn’t miss the excitement in her sons voice as Tom made his way into his room and she smiled before practically face planting the bed and falling asleep.

**

It was eight o clock in the morning when she woke, she felt sluggish as she grabbed for her phone and looked at the time. Heart beat picking up far too quickly for her bodies tired state.

“Shit.” She exclaimed as she rushed out of bed and into Noah’s room, only to find the bed empty. “Noah?” She shouted as she ran down the stairs, her mind was racing, she was running late. How had she slept for so many hours? And how had it gone interrupted?

“In here mummy.” Noah shouted back as she raced into the living room.

“I’m sorry, I’m up, I just need to get changed and then we can set off for school.” She rambled as ran into the kitchen to sort out his breakfast.

“Darling, slow down.” She heard Tom’s voice and she spun around to look at her husband, he had bags under his eyes and his hair was a slight mess. How could he still look so good? She wished she could look as good as he did, even tired.

“What?” She looked around the kitchen, evidence that Noah had already had his breakfast. His school bag filled with the books for the day and his packed lunch.

“I’m gonna take him in. Go and chill out.” He spoke as he pulled her into his chest and kissed the top of her head.

“Thank you.” She sighed and Tom nodded.

“I’ll take Ava and then you can get some rest if you need it, I’ll be back soon. I’ll do the shopping, should be an hour or so.” Tom spoke and her heart soared at his words.

“Did Ava sleep through?” She asked, realizing she’d not been woken up by her crying last night.

“Yeah, a few times. I slept in there, wanted you to catch up on some sleep.” He admitted and she could have cried with the happiness the revelation brought her. “We need to talk when I get home.” He spoke and she nodded. “Okay, well I’ll see you in an hour.” He said and she nodded before kissing her son good bye and making him promise to behave.

**

An hour and a half later and she’d had a relaxing bath, one that she was more than thankful and ready for. She’d even managed to have a hot cup of tea, a stark difference to the cold ones she was used to. She’d even managed to read a chapter of her new book, she still felt like she could sleep for a while but overall relaxed and content.

“Hey.” Tom said as he leant against the doorway to their bedroom. She placed her book down and looked at him.

“Hey,” she said somewhat awkwardly, she wasn’t sure how this conversation was about to go.

“I’ve just put Ava down, will probably give us a good hour or so.” He spoke and she nodded. “So,” he sighed. “We should talk.” He continued and she nodded again, words not being able to find her, she needed to know how he feeling, what he was going to say first.

“I’m sorry, I want you to know that. I’ve been so wrapped up in what I’ve been doing that I haven’t noticed what I was doing to you. I’m so used to you being the one who has everything together, who know exactly what to do that I thought you didn’t need my help as much as you do.” He started and she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out before he beat her to it.

“I know that’s not an excuse, it’s poor on my behalf and I’m sorry. You and the children, you mean everything to me. All I want in life is for you guys to get everything you want and need and I’m sorry that I’ve been the way that I have, there are no excuses.” He said and she felt her heart lift, the two could fix this, fix what has been happened. “But I need something from you.” He spoke and she furrowed her brows as she waited for him to continue.

“I need you to be honest, I need you to tell me what it’s been like to be you. I don’t want you to spare my feelings, I want you to let it all out. I’m listening now, darling, I need to know what this has done to you, how I can make it right.” He said and she nodded slightly before sitting up in bed properly, her back against the head board as she carefully played with her wedding ring. Tom sat carefully on the edge of the bed, he needed to hear what she was about to say.

“Tom, you’ve just not been here.” She started with her biggest problem. “Even when you are in the house it’s like you just expect me to do everything. You expect your clothes to be washed, dried and ironed, you expect your dinner on the table and I never used to mind. You would always say thank you but recently you haven’t and it made me wonder whether or not you just expect it of me, that it’s my job.” She started and Tom kept quiet, he wanted her to continue.

“Tom, you used to be so attentive.” She said as she reached over and took his hand in her own. “You always used to be here, know when I needed help without having to ask. I don’t mind doing all of those things for you, I really don’t but when you don’t get a thanks it feels a little like you’re being used.” She continued and his heart shattered, he would never intentionally use her, he loved her, loved his family.

“That brings me onto the kids, Tom they need so much attention. They want me to split myself in two half of the time and I can’t, it’s impossible. They both need so much from me and given Ava teething I don’t even get a full night’s sleep. I am constantly trying to run off energy that I just don’t have. It wasn’t so bad when Noah was a baby, we took shifts, you helped. Recently though Tom, it’s been me that gets up and tends to her, me that sacrifices sleep.”

“I know that might sound selfish but when you have a partner, a husband who’s supposed to help with all that it gets tiresome. I found myself getting so angry with you, I wanted to be you, I wanted to bury my head in paperwork and think of nothing else. There were days when I honestly wanted nothing to do with you, I didn’t want to be around you because everything little thing you did angered me.”

“I’ve been so tired, my mind is never where it should be. I’m always doing stupid things because I’m so tired. I never feel like I get anything back from you. I’m too tired to have an evening to myself when they have gone to sleep, I just want to sleep myself. I’m always running around after them, something you barely do anymore, sure you play with them but when was the last time you had to deal with one of Noah’s meltdowns?”

“I get that you have a lot on, I get that two projects keep you busy and if we didn’t have kids it wouldn’t affect me as much but we do and it does. I need you to be there for me Tom, I can’t keep doing this alone, I can’t.” She ended her rant and Tom felt awful, he was so angry with himself, she didn’t even sound angry anymore. She sounded like she’d accepted it and she was just tired with the situation, somehow he wishes she was screaming at him right now.

“I’m sorry princess. There are no words, no excuses for what I’ve done. I’m sorry I made you feel like that, it was never my intention. You mean the world to me, you and the kids. Things are gonna change, I promise.” Tom said, he knew now that actions spoke louder than words, it wasn’t what she wanted him to say it was what she wanted him to do.

“On top of all of that Tom, I can’t remember the last time we did anything as a couple. Most of the time I’m asleep when you get to bed, I can’t remember the last time we touched each other, it’s just draining. It all adds up.”

“I know darling. I promise things are gonna change. Why don’t you pick a film and I’ll be back in a minute?” He said and she nodded as she flicked the TV on and got herself comfortable in bed. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a day in bed. Tom returned almost ten minutes later and she wondered where he had gotten to.

“Where did you end up?” She asked as he made his way into the bedroom, two bottles of water in hand.

“Well, I grabbed these, I made sure Ava was still okay and the baby monitor is working properly and I had to send a couple of emails.” He admitted and her heart dropped, after everything she’d just said? He took in her expression as he placed the water down and jumped into bed with her. “Not like that darling, I’ve passed one of my projects onto Harrison and Harry, they’re gonna finish it up.” He said and she relaxed. “I promised things will change and they will.”

**

“Daddy!” Noah shouted as he ran to his father, who was there at the school gate to pick him up, Y/N right there next to him. It had been a while since they both picked him up. Ava was a little more settled today which made things a little easier.

“How was school?” Tom asked enthusiastically and then almost cried when he realised how long it had been since he asked that question.

“Amazing!” Noah gushed as he looked at his mother. “Mummy, you look so pretty.” He spoke and she laughed.

“She always looks pretty.” Tom defended her and Noah nodded.

“Yeah, but she looks extra pretty today.” Noah said. It had been a while since she was able to put effort into her appearance and she felt better for doing it. Even if it was only a nicely picked out outfit and tamed hair. “Can we go for ice cream?”

“You my boy have an obsession.” Tom laughed as he poked his son playfully. “But yeah, I think that’ll be a good idea.” Tom said as he looked to his wife who nodded in response. She didn’t miss the looks of jealousy thrown her way when they saw her with Tom.

“So what did you do this afternoon?” Noah asked his parents as he was being strapped into the back of the car.

“We watched a film.” Tom stated, it was an absolute lie, they’d gotten half an hour into the film before Tom had his head between his wife’s legs. It had been a while since they’d done anything like that and when they both realised that fact. When they both realised how long it had truly been since they’d done anything, they spent most of the afternoon catching up with each other’s bodies. In between tending to their baby of course, they both felt energized after their endeavors between the sheets.

“Was it good?”

“Absolutely amazing.” Y/N answered as Tom slipped into the driver’s seat, she took his hand in hers as she held it in her lap.

“Can we watch another film when we get home?” Noah asked excitedly.

“Sure, how about we go and spend the afternoon doing something fun and then we can go out for tea, go home and watch a film?” Tom suggested and Noah fist bumped the air.

“Yes! Does this mean you two aren’t going to be boring now?” Noah asked and Y/N and Tom found themselves laughing.

“Yes, this means we aren’t going to be boring anymore.”