#inaudible kazoo

[noodles-n-soba]

An oddly satisfying flick with a touch of glitter and glamour

Scenario: A Xiao x reader fic :) , modern AU~

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Masterlist

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Time flies when you're having fun. Swinging disco lights lighting up the dance floor, bodies collapsing as they shuffled through the crowd, sneaky glances being shared with each other. Lips slightly parted, you made your way through the crowd as a smile formed on your face. "You seem like the type that gets easily bored in a club." You leaned on the bar, looking to your left at the guy who's roughly dyed blue hair hung in front of his face, the back in a small pony tail.. Barely keeping it together.

"..." With a sigh you raised your hand, liking this new challenge that had appeared on your road. When the barista passed the two of you, you quickly raised your hand. "2 beers please~!" Your eyes fell on the handsome boy once more, his shape jawline catching your attention now that you were up close to him, his lashes quite long, lips seemingly soft.. "You look like you've seen better days, eh? I'm (Y/n) by the way." You introduced yourself, the guy looked at your for the first time tonight. "Xiao. I got dragged into here by this acquaintance of mine who probably got dragged along by another bozo." Beers placed in front of your noses, you nodded softly. "Means you haven't been here before I assume? People always go crazy on these floors heh.." Your hands traveled to the neck of the bottle, feeling cold and moisty as droplets raced their way down. Taking a good chug, you placed the bottle back on the bar and gazed at Xiao who observed the alcohol in front of him. "Correct assumption. It isn't something I would voluntarily do, and if only I knew where this person was.. I could leave." He bitterly murmured, however, it was loud enough for you to hear his aggravated statement. "I'm asking myself how you managed to be dragged out here indeed, hearing you talk about a club like this..?" He carefully took a sip of beer, looking back to you. "Well a God may know, but as for how far my consciousness reaches..? I have no idea. I won't set a step on the dance floor, I'll just be drinking a few drinks and if they don't return..  I will be gone." He snarled, another angry gulp. "Awh.. Cmon, I'm sure the night has some great surprises. It would be a pity if you'd leave the moment the highlight occurs." You said, a soft smile on your face with a hint of excitement. Xiao squinted, feeling the beat of the music in his chest as the alcohol slowly scorched his throat. Feeling the humid air hanging around him, he took another sip of his cold beer to relieve his stuffiness, though it didn’t really help him out. "It's mundane.. Purely useless you know. I don’t find it that amusing."

You laughed, placed the empty bottle of beer which you worked back while he was complaining about the club on the bar top and raised your hand once more. "Well, what are you even doing here than? Go get yourself busy with something you really like." Encouraging him to leave, he almost was about to stand up.. But he wasn't really fond of the idea of leaving you all alone in the bar, even though you were used to that.. Of course, he didn't knew that you were a loner on a regular basis.. And you weren't planning on telling him so.

"You're a clingy type, aren't you. And at last, you try chasing people away by saying they shouldn't force themselves to hang around with you." Surprised you looked at him, hand frozen in the air as your 2nd bottle almost dropped back on the bar. "Wh.. What?" Xiao shook his head, giving you a glance that tickled your soul. "Are you sure you're happy staying here in this lousy place?" It almost seemed like he never made that hurtful comment the way he casually moved on, why did he had to start on something so personal..? "Are you pressing on my ability to think about my own life or..?" You replied, your eyes focusing on the way his throat worked back the multiple voracious gulps of beer. He placed the glass back on the bar with a loud thud, staring straight ahead. "I'm mentioning a  'we should leave this place asap, are you in for it'- suggestion." He said, slowly sinking into his hoodie. You blinked surprised, a bit taken aback too.. Did he really..?

"I have to objections, but would you really want to sit around with me.. You don't even know me." You replied, Xiao squinted slightly and stood up from his chair. "You are good at making a comforting enough first expression. Let's leave." With no chill whatsoever he walked to the exit of the club,  you following behind him on a rapid pace.. Beer still in your hand, you paid for it to say the least..? As the two of you reached the side walk, being greeted by the cold breeze of autumn, you shivered for a second. "Do you have a place in mind?" You questioned, he looked around and trying getting a grasp on his surroundings. "Well, if I have to be honest.. I have a perfect place, but I've never been in this area." He honestly admitted, a sparkling smile beamed on your face as you caught up with him while you grabbed your phone out of your pocket. "Well! What street is familiar to you? We can go there.."

"So, you are a person who likes peace and quiet?" Your eyes had befallen on the hovering beauty above your heads, a certain calmness eased your mind and sobered you up. A simple hum escaped his mouth, breathing out through his nose afterwards. "Don't you find pleasure hearing all those muffled cars driving by, the sounds of the city.. The silence this place brings." You looked over to the side, him laying next to you. The lights of the night reflected in his eyes, slowly blinking so he wouldn't miss out anything. "Yes. This is something entirely else.." You agreed, a content smile appearing on your face.

"Lets.. Do this again sometimes. Staring at the sky, finding ourselves." Your comment sounded more philosophical than intended, a short chuckle escaping your mouth when he gave you an odd stare. "I won't say no to that, (Y/n). Thank you."

[lyrqxa]

HELL YES I LOVE WHEN LESHY CONFESSES FIRST BRRRRRR HE IS SO [CENSORED] [INAUDIBLE] [TRUMPET SOUND] [LOUD THUNDERS] [YIPEEEE] [TV STATIC] [BABY CRYING] [GLASS BREAKING] [KAZOO] [AIRHORN] AND EVERYTHING

ur leshycat is so cute does the leshys kitchen nightmare thing happen with them? if so, did aster fall first or did he just casually give him a flower and all?

EHRKLAWJAOPSDUOIE/???? yeah i agree

leshys kitchen nightmare is canon yes. they were probably already somewhat close before it but that's what sealed the deal for sure. aster definitely fell first when they saw this complete failure of a man . like "god he is so pathetic I need him" sort of thing. but leshy falls harder ofc

[ratmonsterz]

I think my music was too loud bc i kept hearing a sound that sounded like a 3rd finger d on the a string of a violin but on a kazoo. don't ask me how I know this, I just DO.

[hellsite-yano]

But how can you tell if a post has a dog whistle? Aren't those supposed to be inaudible to the human ear?

*kazoo

[ghostheadcanons]

Papas + Copia: Saying “I Love You”

@just-here-for-copia​ said:

Okay, I swear I'm not sending a sad ask this time! I know in your HC's about the Papas/Copia wooing their s/o, you had brief mentions of them saying "I love you". Would we be able to get a little bit more in terms of how/ they said "I love you" for the first time?

They say it on their deathbeds to you and you cry really hard. It’s very, very sad.

OKAY, NOT REALLY.

It’s always so wonderful to think of our favorites confessing to us, isn’t it? Especially the grumpy ones....hee....

Let’s get started! 

Papa Nihil:

You had come to see him. 

Papa Nihil always looks forward to your visits (he always enthuses about them to Sister Imperator), so of course he smiles at you when you walk through the doors to his office. “Ah, cara mia! It’s so good to see you. In fact, I believe I have something for--”

“Ah, actually,” you cut him off, walking closer with your hands behind your back. “Before you give me anything, I...I wanted to bring you something!”

He blinks. Normally he has a gift for you every time he sees you. “What’s this?” he murmurs. “You brought me something, cara mia?”

“Close your eyes for me, Papa?” 

He chuckles. “Such a silly thing you are, caramellino...” But he obliges. Something warm and fuzzy is placed in his hands.

“Okay! Open them!” 

Papa Nihil does, and sees the dark red scarf, made from woven yarn. His eyes widen.

“Tada!” You grin. “You’re always giving me presents, so I decided to make you something nice! I remember you complaining about how cold it’s gotten...”

“Cara mia....!” He looks over your fine handiwork. “You...made this, for me?”

“I did!” You lean in slightly, eyes sparkling. “...do you like it?”

“Like it?”

Papa Nihil is known for spoiling his lovers with gifts; he never expects anything in return for them. Yet you had decided--not only to get him a present--but to make him one. You had taken a lot of your personal time to do something nice for him, and you had remembered something he’d said when deciding what to make. 

He was a man who could have anything in the world--foods, jewels, wines...he had enough money to get them with a snap of his fingers. And many gave him these sorts of things as gifts, or offerings to win his favor.

Somehow, this scarf topped them all. 

“I love it.” Now the old man is beaming, slipping on the scarf as neat as you please. “I love it, cara mia.”

Your eyes meet. 

“...I love you,” he whispers. You blink twice, cheeks reddening considerably. 

“P-Papa... I’ve been waiting to hear you say that...”

“Have you? Then let me make it up to you for taking so long.” He pulls your hands into his, and the two of you kiss. 

Papa I: 

Papa I has homemade tea and biscuits ready when you walk into his bedroom. “Ah--there you are, lamb.” 

“I came just as soon as I got your message, Papa.” You nod respectfully. “You wanted to speak to me about something?”

“Indeed I did. Please, sit down. Sit down.” He gestures to the opposite chair, to which you do. He proceeds to pour you a full cup of tea.

“What have you brewed today, Papa?” you prompt him.

“Rose hip and chamomile,” he responds, expression softening. “Your favorite.”

The touched look on your face makes his heart flutter. “....thank you, Papa. Ahem. What did you want to tell me?”

“Ah, yes.” He finishes pouring his own cup of tea before clearing his throat. “I’ve been meaning to speak to you about something...personal.”

“Yes?” You sip at your cup, eyes never leaving him. He can see you drinking in his words along with his tea. 

“My child, I am not one for mincing words, so I am just going to say it.” Papa I takes a deep breath. “I have feelings for you.”

You choke on the tea, sputtering slightly and making a bit of a mess. Papa passes you a napkin, patting you on the back. “Are you alright?”

“I’m--I’m fine,” you wheeze, coughing a bit. “What...what was that?”

“I have feelings for you,” he repeats. “I have never met someone I have felt so in tune with, spiritually and mentally. And I would be honored if you would join my side in my worship of the Olde One. ...if you do not feel the same way, I completely understand,” he adds, his face falling a bit. “And I won’t bring it up aga-”

You cut him off with a kiss. You’re leaning across the table and pressing your lips against his, gentle and sweet. Papa I is taken aback by you being so forward, but he doesn’t mind one bit.

After all, it’s just one of the many things he loves about you. 

Papa II: 

He is not happy with you. 

“I can’t believe you,” he growls. “Going out in the rain like that, without even a coat? What were you thinking?”

You sniffle in reply from your bed, blowing your nose. “You...you needed the ingredients by the end of the night....full moon....had to hurry..”

“I could have waited another month!” snaps Papa II. “Or sent the ghouls out to get them. Why would you do something so foolish, getting yourself sick like this? You had me w--you had my ghouls worried to death!”

You hadn’t noticed his slip-up. Thank Satan. 

You’re avoiding his eyes like a scolded child. “...you’re...always doing such nice things for me...”

As you sink further into your pillows and blanket, you trail off. Papa II raises an eyebrow, leaning in a bit. “Yes?”

“...wanted...wanted to help you, for once.” Your eyes slide closed. “Wanted to make you smile.”

Your answer knocks him off-guard. “...you what?”

“You’re so handsome when you smile...hee....like a king, all regal and stuff...”

You let out a weak giggle, one that turns into coughing before long. He sighs; you were obviously addled by the fever you’d caught. 

He turns his back on you. “Sleep. I’ll send you up something to eat in a little while.”

“Stay with me?”

Your words are quiet. Weak. Pleading. 

“....you’re lucky I love you, caro.” he murmurs, so quietly it’s almost inaudible.

“Huh....?” You open one eye, staring blearily up at him. “You...you gotta speak up, Papa...can’t hear so great....”

“I said you’re lucky I have the night off.” Turning back to face you, Papa II sits at your bedside. 

And even after you’ve drifted off to sleep, he’s still there with you. 

Papa III:

“Figlio di puttana!”

The youngest Emeritus brother slammed his fist into the dressing room table, knocking off all of the bottles and brushes there. He was furious--Sister Imperator had spent the evening arguing with him, and to make things worse, his brother wasn’t there for him to vent about it. 

And, he was more than a little drunk.

“Papa...?”

He whirls around to face the door. Oh, no--now you were poking your head in, looking Concerned for him. The look makes him even angrier; the last thing he needs right now is anybody’s pity. 

“Go away. Leave me alone!” he snarls. 

You don’t heed him. Instead, you come into the room, closing the door behind you. “Papa, tell me what happened.”

“I said get out!” He attempts to shove you back out the way you came. But his feet get tangled, and he ends up hitting the ground hard. 

“Papa--!” you gasp. 

“Fuck...cazzo...” he mutters. As he stares up at the ceiling, the full reality of his situation dawns on him. His hair is a mess, his makeup is smeared to hell and back, he’s so drunk he can barely remember his name, and one of the people he likes the most has seen him at his lowest. 

He bursts into tears. 

“It’s not enough,” he hiccups. “I’m not enough. Fucking....can’t do anything right....Imperator, that bitch...with her standards...can’t preach right, can’t walk right, can’t talk right...” He jabs a thumb to his chest. “I’m supposed to be Papa. If I can’t be Papa...then who in the hell am I?” He closes his eyes, tears rolling freely. 

“You’re Dante.”

His eyes fly open at the use of his first name. You’re kneeling beside him, your tone and expression kind. “You like cheesy horror movies and playing kazoo. You have a wild and wonderful imagination. And you always have a joke ready if you see your friends sad.”

You smile. “You’re Dante Emeritus, and you’re my closest friend.”

He’s speechless. 

You help sit him up, dabbing away the smeared skull makeup with plenty of kleenax. It’s when you move to help him to his feet that he blurts it out. “I love you.” 

Your face goes a little red. “You’re drunk. Come on--let’s get you cleaned up.”

“I love you. More than anything,” he insists, as you lead him out of the dressing room to get him to the bathroom. 

He will not remember his confession the next morning. But he will remember that you were there for him when he needed someone with him. At some point in the future, he will make a grand, romantic gesture and confess his feelings to you that way. But he won’t quite understand just why you’re smiling so wide the whole time. 

Cardinal Copia:

(Continuing from Copia’s part, here!)

His heart is hammering wildly in his chest. One minute to the arranged meeting time, and then you would finally see the man behind the pen. 

And you would reject him. He’s sure of it

Cardinal Copia is hidden slightly out of sight--you would be able to hear him speak, but not see him. It was his final line of defense. 

Footsteps! That had to be you. He peeks out from his hiding place and immediately recoils. It is you. And you’re looking more beautiful than ever. Had he underdressed? He looks down at his red cossack. Oh, Lucifer, had he overdressed?!

Your voice pulls him out of his thoughts. “Hello?”

“Gah--!” Copia pulls back even further into his hiding spot. You hadn’t gotten a good look at him, thank Satan, but now you knew for sure he was there. 

“...’Cyrano?’ Is that you?” you prompt his pen-name, leaning in, but he holds up a gloved hand.

“Not any closer,” he chokes out. “Please. I. Give me a minute...” 

You oblige him, waiting patiently for him to catch his breath. 

“I....got your letter,” you say quietly. “With the meeting time. Are you alright?”

“No. I am not alright.” Copia stares up at the ceiling, feeling his heart sink. “Because I am not worthy of your time.”

“If you weren’t worthy, then I would not be here.” You cross your arms. “...will you come out, at least? The entire point of meeting was to finally see one another, face to face.”

He says nothing.

“It’s hardly fair, don’t you think?” you add. “You know everything about who I am, and yet I know next to nothing about you. Please. Show me your face.”

Slowly, ready to bolt at any second, Copia comes into the light. 

Your eyes widen. “....Your Eminence?”

“I really must be going--”

“Wait! Don’t go. Your last letter moved me to tears, Copia. May I call you Copia?”

He blinks, looking over at you. You had not reacted in revulsion...in fact, you were staring at him in awe. “...you may.”

“I never would have imagined that you were so talented,” you say breathlessly, smiling at him. “You’re so good with words, has anyone ever told you that? Sheer poetry.”

You weren’t laughing at him. The Cardinal watches you carefully, not quite able to find the right words. How ironic, for a man who could write such wonderful letters. 

“I saved them all, you know. Every single one.” You’re walking closer. “I like to read them before I go to sleep at night.”

“...do you really?” is all Copia can say. You nod, smiling wider. 

“They make me feel at ease. I...I know this is forward of me...but I can’t keep this hidden any longer. I love you, Cardinal Copia. And I want nothing more than to spend my days with you. Even if you can only confess in your letters, then I will confess here, in conversation.”

It’s everything he’s ever wanted.

You stand there with your arms outstretched. “....will you accept me?”

Copia is hugging you close to him before you can even finish the sentence. 

“I love you, too, topolino.”

[hipster-summer-daisies-aesthetic]

"The Girl who Grew as Small as Kazoo"

“Death to the Stars” She wrote on the bathroom wall while eating glitter just because aesthetic.

“Who is she?” He thought while peering into the girl’s restroom.

“Why does she do the things she does?” He said out loud without realizing.

      She peers back at him covered in glitter, flowers and vomit. She was beautiful he thought to himself. Her eyes grew dark, her mouth grew wider, her legs longer right before him.

“What was going on?” He thought.

     He looks down for he thinks he may be witnessing something he should not be. She moves closer to him. He glances back up at her. Her head has grown larger, darker and somehow greener? He was becoming alarmed for this was not normal. He offers to help her in some way, but she just starts to scream at first it was inaudible. But then It became softer and easier to understand for she was shouting “Pita Bread, Monkey Hair and a Golf Ball!”

    He was now lost, lost in her words, lost her eyes and lost in her soul. He loved her. She grew even larger and greener. He thought was she “the Hulk”? Then it happened she shrunk down to the size of a kazoo and flew straight through the ceiling breaking a small hole just big enough for him to peek though and see her disappear into the sky.

   That day was the last time he seen her. He never spoke of her to anyone else ever. He is now married with five kids and a small dog. But he still often thinks of her, the girl who turned as small as a kazoo and flew into the sky. The girl he loved..

- via Danny Gerthbrek’s most recent bestseller, “Baby Jean, the Sun still Loves You..”

(co-written by Gake Yonkermyersmyth best known for his book, “A Poet but not to Poetey”)