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shinygoku · 3 years

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gordon gordon gordon gordon

Gordon Gordon Gordon Gordon!!

He's been sneaking into these asks by proxy, so it's finally time for his dedicated session, hehe~

First impression

WUAAAGH what's up with this WEIRD LONG NOT-THOMAS and his FACE?!

Impression now

His face is still pretty weird! But you know what else it is? Part of an Absolute Legend ✨

Like, man, Gordon is such a big presence and interesting character, the entire premise leans heavily on him. I'm inclined to go as far as to say that the Blue Boys of 1, 2 and 4 here are the three most important characters for the franchise (not at all to knock everyone else lmao) and they slot nicely into a Triforce of Courage, Wisdom and Power, and Gordon has Power in spades!

Gordon is The Vain One (not James!). He's legit very strong and the fastest on Sodor (which isn't just being a big fish in a small pond because that island has some crazy cool engines!) but unfortunately he lacks humility. His success seems to have been lodged in his head before the series even begins and this Pride is the source of pretty much every single conflict he's involved in.

But when it isn't his self satisfaction in his actions, it's being smug about being such a grand, magnificent Tender Engine and he is snooty as hell about it. He seems to look at smaller engines [pretty much everyone compared to him lol] as a lesser class, particularly if they're small and cheeky and Tank Engines. This may not be the case exactly, but his way of talking to them and some other things he says are very condescending.

However... as much as a gigantic jerk he is at several points, with Gordon I kinda feel like he plain ass doesn't conceive of his words being out of line. That and having to Unlearn things... he's not innately better than everyone else. He sees things in black and white. There are Useful Engines, and those who should be scrapped. There are Noble Tender Engines and Lesser Tank Engines who exist to do the tedious chores on behalf of the Superior ones. Edward doing shunting is seen as Demeaning and contradicts Gordon’s world view that Tender Engines Don't Stunt™, and he doesn't like that one bit! (Also Edward was crossing the picket line but that wasn't Awdry's concern lmao)

Related is Gordon does seem oddly dense at times, like assuming that Tenders are in of themselves a Status Symbol rather than a large lunchbox of sorts lol, or that Tender Engines like him being too heavy for Branch Lines being because something about Branch Lines are degrading. This might be all Elitist Brainwashing influence. But still, that he just takes these as The Truth means I get to affectionately call him an idiot. And there is no other way to explain how he genuinely believes Bill and Ben were going to murder him if he wasn't missing a few brain bolts in there.

Fortunately, he does eventually start to learn the important lessons.... very gradually, but the Early Gordon is a pretty different beast to Later Gordon, and it's wonderful~

Also, I gotta give credit to him for having some moments of utter brilliance and actual grasp of reality and more complex matters, like culture. (Yeah, I'm rolling with his geniune Opera Knowledge from s6 of all things. It's good!) As much as Awdry himself may have disagreed, Gordon was in the right to want a Station Pilot and the Strike was called for (not bullying Edward for it, but myeah) ...but this leads to my next point: He seems to have a mental block when it comes to Emotions.

Certainly, he's as emotional as the others are, it's not just a scale of Snooty, Arrogant, Condescending, Prideful ....well, it is, but ALSO the more mixed and varied feelings: Shame, Sadness, Fear, Ambivilance, Irritation, Anger, Passion, Amused, Delight and so on. However, Gordon is seemingly unaware of how his words may make the others feel, and even at his cruellest it doesn't look like he's aware he's twisting a knife in. To Gordon, he's being honest, but his verbose manner ends up twisting and wriggling away from any valid point like an overgrown vine that somehow links back to how [Other Engine] is disgracing him, Gordon, by association.

Examples include: Being offended by Henry's new shape (??? Gordon dude he nearly died and this is an improvement, a good thing!), saying that Edward's age and difficulty starting a heavy ass packed load of passengers is grounds to be Retired or even Scrapped, other little insulting things like calling the likes of Thomas and James Little insistently (it seems to vary if he's trying to put them down or actually be affectionate), and many more when in the hands of inept writers who have to wheel out the same Gordon Learns A Lesson Plot every other season.

Like I said in the James post, I also think he kinda poisoned the Red guy with his snooty attitude... but I maintain that I think Gordon was unaware of this. He may know he has Influence, and enjoy that, but he really truly doesn't appear to mean to mould James into a smaller, redder version of himself. He's oblivious and from his own point of view, benevolent. Which is in fact a dangerous combo indeed!

It's... a lot o7;;

Again though, if you're looking at the books and s1-s5 of TVS you can see him grow and change. He does take a while to learn the lessons, but as time goes on he moves 2 steps forward and 1 step back, then eventually less steps back entirely. It's great! And so is Gordon. A big dumb meathead with not entirely uncalled for delusions of granduer. A dramatic so-and-so who is the best engine for his job.

I love this sophisticated jock who grows more kindness~ 💙

Favourite moment

Hm! This isn't as easy to decide lol. We all like Gordon Goes Foreign... but you know what sticks in my mind more?

hOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH

Look, I’m not 100% objective, here! But Ringo’s read of this line is fantastic (and keeps making me expect him to finish saying OOOHH SHIT) and it’s also a well deserved bolt of divine retribution for how rude he was being earlier. (As long as my essay already was, he very much needed the knocking down of some pegs here!)

Idea for a story

While both my fics with him thus far have been variations of Pre-Canon, Full-Arrogance and Snobbish Gordon (and both were a lot of fun!) ...but I cannot bear the same expired horse being beaten more when the story is set waaay later but he’s still up his own ass. Please, PLEASE writers, let him hold what growth he’s managed to gain!

I think it’d be good to accept that he’s gonna be outdated sooner or later, so have him help train another High Speed Engine and take them under his wing. The Christopher Awdry books kinda have something similar with Pip and Emma, but I think a better way of having Gordon be involved would be if he was actively doing some mentoring himself, as well as being a neat parallel with Edward, whose type was once Express only but got outclassed by A1s, and so the same can happen to this big A1 -> A3 lad and he can form a healthy relationship with some bright eyed newbie (and maybe have some self awareness and try to stop their head getting too large, lol).

Unpopular opinion

I know I just said him mentoring would be a cool story idea, but in canon? He is NOT a resident Dad type!! He’s a hotshot young man but he’s also a hot mess. He’s physically large but he’s not got the Energy of someone who dispenses sage advice and a shoulder to cry on. At best, he’s a weird uncle! One who means well but you shouldn’t take his life advice to heart because he’s actually just as, if not more clueless than you!

Favourite relationship

I feel inclined to say Thomas here. Emphatically not because Gordon is ‘old’ and Thomas is ‘young’, but because they’re so damn alike and actually make an excellent, albeit unconventional type of Rivalry.

Both are self important with genuine finesse in their respective talents, both are honest to a fault, both have redeeming qualities to offset their initial abrasiveness, and the first TVS episode is centred on the both of them and sets the tone for the series as a whole. There’s more parallels, of course, but I also wanna point out they’re effectively the mascots of North Western Rail in universe too, and I absolutely love this picture:

I also have immense fondness for the Down the Mine paradigm shift! Thomas gives Gordon grief over the ditch incident and later when it emerges the Fat Controller is gonna send for Gordon to pull him out, Thomas is filled with dread. But Gordon isn’t using the chance to lord over Thomas, he’s actually so amused by Thomas’ mishap and it coming at a time where he’s been significantly humbled, they instead become Comrades and I love it. I eat it up! Paint Pots and Queens isn’t anywhere near as good but I adore the little bit where they’re appealing for the other, equals and watching each other’s back~

But yeah, as Friendly Rivals they both feel very authentic and yet, in a daft way, sweet ;3

Favourite headcanon

He still says “Hurry, hurry, hurry!” when pulling the Express. That’s a HC as I think the show phased it out, but I like it lol. I feel like my essay on him contains most of the headcanon stuff, but it’s all based on what’s shown, baybee!

#this is ttte #TTTE Gordon #ttte talk #Gordon the Big Engine #Thomas the Tank Engine #TTTE Thomas #snuck in a bit in there lol #mentioned Edward a lot as well but not in as much depth #I love me some Blue Engines #TTTE

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wobinofylisse · 3 years

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Gonna ask what your thoughts on Ophion are, so ya can rant about him

Haha, what if I stole your art for this ask @justlarkin ☺ Okay so it’s pretty obvious that I love this big dragon man and his arc as a character is really cool. So quick shout out to old Ophion for being thrown out of the story entirely because they probably don’t know how to write 2 Ophions at once and I kind of get that because having them both fight over you or ending up with one while the other is forced out just feels really wrong. Anyways since Ophion makes me :bighearteyes: this is gonna be essay length. I’ve sort of partitioned off each segment so if you want to jump around that’s fine.

Old Ophion

Young Ophion (personality)

Young Ophion (protagonist)

Date Quest

Ending Thoughts/Rating

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So old Ophion works as an interesting villain. He believes that through conquering the world he’ll be able to bring back his wife and like, considering Olympus and the large amount of people that live their.

That’s fair.

But after existing for eons he’s slowly forgotten his motives and all that remains in his mind is the end goal, no longer even aware of why but he still knows he has to. It’s a drive that’s so strong in his mind he’s willing to hurt others around him and even the reason he plots his coup of the Tycoons.

His memory of his wife has vanished so thoroughly that when the MC appears he doesn’t even recognize his wife’s soul. Something that is always one of the first things a character related to the exiles picks up on, even if only subconsciously.

When he summons young Ophion who literally paralyzes everyone in the room just by existing, his first thought when approaching you isn’t to follow the orders of his elder, something that he strongly believes in. His first thought is to embrace the wife that he’s missed for so long, even choosing to protect her over following his own beliefs of seniority and subsequently seeing just how far his older self has fallen.

It’s interesting to see that even though his sense of duty to claim the world remained, when he was confronted by his wife he neither recognized her or swayed from his duty to save her. It instills a sort of sadness in me that I’m not sure how to put into words.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anyways that’s enough about old Ophion. Let’s talk about the present and how young Ophion is getting along with everyone. When young Ophion arrived in Tokyo (after his initial appearance) personality wise he wasn’t too dissimilar to his older counterpart. He was still relatively cold to others and he still held the general ruling class opinion that most of the tycoons hold. However over time he’s become warmer towards others and learns to let go of grudges. Even to the point that he’s aware of Aizen’s plan from the start in Valentine Jail but instead of putting a stop to it, he sets up a way to end it at any point if need be and let him go through with it. While initially unaware of Aizen’s feelings, after learning them he forgives Aizen and even goes pretty light on his punishment. His growth as a character is thanks to the protagonist and he’s constantly changing to become a better version of himself for them.

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Literally cannot have a long post about Ophion without going into his relationship with the protagonist. At the start he views the protagonist as his wife. Potentially as either her reincarnation or simply a vessel without her memories. Irregardless of the case, he chooses to devote himself heart and soul to them. He neither tries to change them to become more like his wife or even chases after them as he would truly do for his wife. Whether it was something he always knew or something that slowly made it’s way in. He knows that the protagonist isn’t really his wife, that they’re their own individual being separate from her regardless of her soul being present. Ophion while it may become difficult to tell with just how loud he is about his love for his wife. Understands that you are your own person. He understands that you may choose to love someone else but in his heart he truly believes that in the end you will choose him. He’s willing to wait as long as it takes for you to see it. Although he isn’t just going to stand around doing nothing till you decide to fall into his arms. While he won’t stop you from loving another, he will actively make his move. In his valentine quest he buys a section of Roppongi so that he can spell out your name in the lights of the city. It’s an impressive gesture but even so he feels that it not only wasn’t enough but he’s even worried that it wasn’t enough, that you would even make fun of him for it. However this gesture is his attempt to seduce you, not his wife, but you. The successor to her, one that shines so brilliantly he would do anything to prove his love. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since it’s not officially translated I’ll just give a brief summary of his date but for the actual full thing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ2U3dlXnlc Are you gonna post this video every chance you get? Bitch I might! Ophion drives you to a helipad, takes you up into a helicopter, PROPOSES to you, leaps out of the helicopter mid-flight with you in his arms and then takes you home so he can preform his husbandly duties. THIS MAN. OPHION SAYS NO TO PRE-MARITAL SEX! KING SHIT!

Also quick end note here. He’s aware that you won’t live forever and eventually your time together will come to an end. But he will never stop following you and will search for your soul no matter where or what form it may take, just as he has for his late wife.

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Hnnnng How could I go through this entire thing without even mentioning that he’s hot too! He better button up those pants before he learns that I’ve got a serious case of the munchies! This man has shown that he canonically gets more powerful while naked and he is one of few characters that has been shown full frontal nudity in this game that’s rated T. This man’s slussy is OUT AND POPPING

10/10! no 100/10 This man deserves the world and the stars not only in this reality but any that we may find ourselves in. I don’t think they’ll ever be able to create a character that can take his place and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#God I love him so much #Thank you Lark #Ophion #Yearning #long post #ask me #tokyo afterschool summoners #housamo #Slussy #<3

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tuiyla · 3 years

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Sentimental Affection: Hambo, the Shirt, and Objects of Psychic Resonance

Adventure Time and the mundane, aka Daddy, why did you eat my fries?

Ever a show to be full of hidden symbolism and so much more under the surface than its 11-minute runtime would allow, Adventure Time uses seemingly mundane objects like a teddy bear or a T-shirt to convey the monumental importance of character dynamics. This doesn’t only apply to objects but actual parts of one’s self, like Finn’s arm and the interwoven significance of his many swords. And then, there’s Marceline.

Like with many of the show’s more complex aspects, this is especially prevalent in Marceline’s story. How do you stress the sheer volume of having lived for a thousand years? How do you signify the lack of letting go of the past, lack of maturity? You give a girl a teddy bear and have her hold on to it for as long as she can. And it’s not just Hambo that adds unexpected depth to Marceline’s character and her relationship with others. There’s the infamous rock shirt, which we’ll get to, and then there’s the French fries eaten by Hunson Abadeer.

As iconic as the Fry Song has become and as synonymous with the complex Abadeer father-daughter relationship as it is, it seems silly, at first glance, that Marceline would be so upset over that simple transgression. But Adventure Time has a special talent for making the mundane whimsical and significant, so through the context of the full song, through little glimpses here and there, we understand the symbolism of the fries. It’s Hunson’s disregard for Marceline’s feelings, his carelessness, his lack of understanding, that really matters.

Just a teddy in the wreckage of the world

So what about Hambo? Hambo is, for a while, everything to Marceline. Hambo is the one representation of her relationship with Simon that she has left. It’s a remnant from the wreckage of the world, a plushie given to a scared little girl by an equally scared old man. It’s the one thing Simon leaves behind when he abandons Marcy, for her own good, and summons Hunson to take care of her instead. But Hunson eats those fries and so Marceline takes the family axe instead and keeps it as safe as she keeps Hambo.

Hambo stays with Marceline long after she turns into a vampire, ever a symbol of the tragic childhood she lost and yet is stuck in. It’s not a coincidence that she’s implied to tolerate much of Ash’s jerkish behaviour but draws the line when he sells Hambo for a new wand. That’s the only thing of Simon, the real Simon that she has left and it matters more than a boyfriend who doesn’t care about that. Disregard for Hambo is disregard for her. So Marceline keeps moving all across Ooo, both to escape from this new, twisted version of Simon and to find the one thing that proves he wasn’t always like this.

You kept the shirt I gave you?

Let’s take a break from Hambo for a moment. Let’s picture a time long before Finn washed up on the shores of Ooo, before the Candy Kingdom grew into what it is today. Marceline and Bonnibel are friends, maybe more - details depend on whatever nuggets “Obsidian” gives us. For a while, it works, and Marceline gives Bonnie a rock T-shirt. That shirt is so quintessentially Marcy that it becomes a symbol of their relationship when it’s with PB. The two drift apart, though, as Bonnie becomes known as Princess Bubblegum to everyone else and Marceline leaves before she can be left behind. The shirt becomes a sort of inverse of Hambo: a token of love that’s - as Marceline initially thinks - never cared for. Bitter as she might be over this, Marcy leaves it all behind as she left Hunson with the fries. She never really got to grow beyond being that young girl who was left Hambo in the snow.

Except, Finn does come along, eventually, and he brings Bonnie and Marcy together again. It’s intense and Marceline lashes out because, well, sorry she’s such an inconvenience. But in truth, it’s Marceline who tags along to defeat the Door Lord despite having no stakes in the mater, and it’s PB who wants to get her precious possession back. Her treasure is, of course, Marceline’s shirt. The one she always has worn, just in the comfort of her own room or under something else. Not out in the open, one might say, but constantly nonetheless, even long after Marceline was gone from her life. A reminder of what they had as much as Hambo is a reminder of who Simon was to Marcy.

That’s the wonder of “What Was Missing”. It lampshades the potential cheesiness of the message, that being “the real treasure is friendship”, but it is genuine in how it portrays that message beyond what would be expected of a kids’ cartoon. Finn keeps a piece of Bubblegum’s hair, but PB is right there to hang out with whenever they want to. Bonnie keeps Marcy’s shirt because she thinks it’s as close as she’ll get to be around her again, but Marceline tagged along just for the joy of being around them. What these two examples have in common is that both Finn and PB want something more from the relationship with the actual person, something they think is unattainable, so they hold on to the objects instead of reaching out.

I’ll get your kid back, toy

So what about Hambo and Marceline reaching out to Simon? When the Ice King inevitably finds her, again, Marceline is rightfully frustrated and just about ready to pack up and move again. But she’s grown these past few years since Finn entered her life and helped her face her past demons. It breaks her heart but she starts accepting Simon back into her life. They hang out and she insists on calling him Simon, because she never stopped viewing him that way. She knows who he used to be, even if he doesn’t, and she clings onto the representation of that hope, Hambo.

Marceline is already in a much better place by the time “Sky Witch” rolls around than she was at the start of the series. She kind of has Hunson, Simon and Bonnie in her life again. It’s all a bit complicated and unresolved - ”Stakes” isn’t for another two seasons - but she’s on her way. That doesn’t mean she’s gonna let the opportunity to get Hambo back pass by, so she asks for Bonnie’s help. It’s a bit awkward but she spent all this time being angry and feeling like she wasn’t good enough when PB cared enough to at least keep the shirt, so maybe that’s as much hope as Hambo is for Simon. And that’s exactly what “Sky Witch” proves, as Bonnie’s level-headedness helps Marcy navigate Maja’s treacherous turf and gets her Hambo back.

There's only one Hambo

There’s a misconception, a common and understandable one, but a misconception nonetheless when it comes to the shirt and Hambo. When Maja says that Hambo’s psychic resonance is nothing compared to the shirt’s, it’s easy to see the implication being that the shirt is that much more important. Therefore, Marceline is that much more important to PB than Simon is to Marcy. This isn’t entirely inaccurate but I also think that what’s important here is not to put these two objects and therefore the two relationships on the same scale. It implies that we’re comparing the familial type of love between Simon and Marcy to the romantic love between Bonnie and Marcy and that’s just a false and pointless comparison. Instead, the significance once again comes through trademark Adventure Time subtlety.

“What Was Missing” was mainly the Bubbline dynamic from Marcy’s perspective: her hurt, her anger over not knowing why it all ended. The twist with the shirt at the end only hints at PB’s side of things and “Sky Witch” takes it home. From the little moments at the beginning of the episode to the revelation that PB gave up the shirt for Hambo, it’s a full package. It’s in everything, including the scene where Peebs dismisses Hambo’s importance. It’s just a doll, totally replaceable, an insinuation which insults Marcy deeply. Bonnie doesn’t necessarily get why Hambo is so important but, in a way, PB does understand. She understands, because Hambo is to Marceline what the shirt is for her: hope.

When PB gives up the shirt, she gives up the only piece of Marceline she’s had for all these centuries. It wasn’t replaceable, just like Hambo wasn’t, but by giving it up she gives Marceline her most treasured possession, her hope. And you know what else? By giving up this remnant of the past, Bonnie gets Marceline back. “Sky Witch”, then, is the beginning of their new dynamic, as the lesson from the Door Lord finally sinks in. And by equating, in a way, Hambo and the shirt, after we’ve already seen in “I Remember You” and “Simon & Marcy” how monumental that relationship is, this makes Bonnie’s devotion to Marcy clear as day.

Magic, madness, sadness, and all the rest

Hambo becomes something even bigger in “Betty”. The reason why Maja wanted Hambo and then the shirt in the first place is because Adventure Time acknowledges within the logic of its own universe how important the love poured into these objects is. She uses the magic of the shirt and Simon uses the magic of Hambo. Marceline, reluctantly, lets go of Hambo because she just got Simon back, just as PB let go of the shirt and got Marcy back. Nothing is ever that straightforward in the land of Ooo, though, so Hambo brings Betty back but it can’t save Simon. Now Marceline got a taste of the old Simon, had hope, and it lives on in the person they sacrificed Hambo for: Betty.

Betty’s hope is misguided, though. With her time jump to modern day Ooo, a journey of denial and desperation begins that leads her and the whole land down a road of magic and madness. Betty’s shenanigans is its own separate post, really, and all the themes of acceptance, denial and change they represent. What I find fascinating in this context is how, again, in true AT style, the butterfly effect did its magic and the mundane lead into the whimsical and grandiose.

Right there where you left it, lying upside down

Simon gave a little Marcy her teddy doll and Ash carelessly passed it on. Marceline gave Bubblegum a rock shirt, something so quintessentially her that it was the one thing Peebs held onto even after all those years. The shirt was a symbol of their lingering connection and its sacrifice meant the start of a new chapter. The significance of the shirt was enough to get Hambo back, which in turn was powerful enough for Simon to get Betty back. And, eventually, by moving almost literal heaven and hell, Betty brings Simon back. Everything stays, but it still changes.

The shirt is not Marceline. Hambo is not Simon. Objects are not people, nor can we only be with people if we let go of those objects. That isn’t the message the show is going for. And these objects are only catalysts for character arc and dynamics in most cases, anyway. Marceline doesn’t grow up by letting Hambo go, she succeeds in leaving the past behind in “Stakes”. And, if the “Obsidian” trailer is any indication, even that doesn’t mean she’s done with all her demons.

What the intertwined stories of Hambo and the shirt tell us is that complex, emotional stories can be told through simple objects. A teddy doll can signify a thousand years of pain and yet provide hope, while a rock T-shirt can pack some good old-fashioned queer yearning into it. Hambo and the shirt aren’t even monumental parts of Marceline’s, Simon’s and Bubblegum’s stories, even if Adventure Time finds clever ways to use them in the plot. They are just two simple things that represent so much in terms of character development and some of the show’s central dynamics, and that’s damn good storytelling.

#bubbline #adventure time #marceline abadeer #princess bubblegum #obsidian #at #pb #hambo #simon petrikov #my thoughts #missed writing about at

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jay-in-chicago · 3 years

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Know The Risk.

Summary: Jay knows sleeping with his CI is enough to get him fired, but when she’s needed for an job, Jay can’t handle it. Pairing: Jay Halstead x unnamed female character. Characters: Jay, Voight, Olinsky. Warnings: mentions of drug dealing, weapon threat (gun), the suggestion of sexual favours in exchange for work (incredibly brief and not in detail), brief mention of sex (with Jay). Words: 2092 A/N: I’m pretty nervous to be posting this, so I’ll hit post and then go and hide. While I’m not new to writing, I am new to writing for the Chicago world. Apologies if the characterisation isn’t correct, I’m still learning. Not BETA’d because this is my first time here, so all mistakes, errors and typos are completely my own.

This was a request from my patreon account.

Likes, reblogs and feedback makes me squeal with happiness.

______

Jay’s been on edge ever since she stepped out of the car and headed towards the meeting point. He’d personally wired her up as he’d tried to keep his cool. His fingers had worked meticulously, and he’d made sure the camera attached to her blouse button was hidden. They needed to see as well as hear but the thought of her going in there alone made bile rise.

“I thought you wanted to solve this case?” she’d questioned, staring him down as she’d ran her tongue over her teeth as she watched him fretting.

“I do but not at this expense.” He’d whispered back, thankful the mic wasn’t live yet. To the rest of the team, she was simply one of Jay’s informants, nothing more than that. He had a few, mostly men but there were a few women who he could call on for a favour, though she’s the only one who had managed to get under his skin. She’d left such an impression on him that he couldn’t get her off his mind.

“Admit it,” she’d grinned at him, “if you weren’t milking me for information every opportunity you have, you’d be trying to get something else out of me.” He’d held out as long as he possibly could before she’d been invited to his apartment, the two of them finally giving in to what has been building for months. Jay had taken her with such relish, desperate to savour every moment of it not thinking for a moment it would be repeated.

But it had. That first time had unlocked something within the two of them, making them unable to resist one another. They’d find a way to have the conversations at either hers or his, she’d tell him everything he needed to know with each swipe of his tongue. Jay made sure he learnt what she liked as quickly as possible. He didn’t have an ego outside of the bedroom and ensured that it stayed the same inside of it but he couldn’t help it. The more she gave him, the more he wanted to take. The more he needed to take.

She’d have given him the information regardless but the coaxing, slow drawing of it, the way she’d withhold details unless he gave her an orgasm was all part of their foreplay. And for every arrest made, every case closed thanks to her, she was rewarded with even more. When Jay reached out to her about this case, she had the right connections, provided details and information that proved to be vital. She’d managed to worm her way in, met their main suspect a few times and managed to get close to being trusted as an outsider could, enabling her to be able to slip between members without being stopped. Or at least not initially.

Which is why she was the perfect candidate for heading in there tonight. Jay sits with headphones on, eyes barely moving from the screen. He hates every word that comes from her mouth. He knows she’s putting it on, but the seductive tone to it makes his cock stir against his wishes, the words should be making him shrink back against the seat in which he sits. She’s flirting with whoever she needs, their faces show the level of interest in her, the way they lick their lips as they drag their gaze down her body and wipe their thumb over the corner of their mouth as they chuckle and click their tongue.

She slipped through the crowd, searching for the one who they’d shown her the picture of until finally he came into view on the camera. Jay felt his body tense up, watching everything unfold on the screen before him. He’d seen what happened to people who got in his way, they were either in the ground or in the morgue and one wrong thing said, one tone off, one nervous hesitation and he’d know. The last thing Jay wanted was to watch her be taken down in front of his eyes, recorded for evidence and to be used whenever needed. The thought of it turned his stomach, had him biting at his nails with anxiety until he was sitting forward, his eyes widening as Darius played straight into her hand.

Jay knew better than anyone how good she was. She played the part incredibly well, and though he knew how she appeared to others, he was the one who saw her for who she really was. The version playing out on the screen for the team to see right now, that was flawless acting. Olinsky and Voight have exchanged glances at one another, muttered under their breath no doubt not wanting Jay to hear but he has. They comment on the way she held her cool, how convincing she appeared and how if they hadn’t had a conversation with her prior to sending her in there, they’d have believed her act. Pride licks at the edges of the raw anxiety ridden wound that festered with each passing minute.

“So you’re the one I’ve been hearin’ ‘bout?” his voice could be heard over the music, the way he looked at her made Jay’s stomach turn.

“depends what you’ve been hearing.”

His tongue slipped over his lips as he’d opened his legs, his hand resting against his inner thigh, the opposite leg swings open and closed as he watched her. “that you know someone who can take twenty keys and make me a lotta money.”

“That’s enough, we can get her out now, right?” Jay asked, moving the headset from one ear to look at Voight.

“Not yet,” his husky tone remained steady as his eyes stayed fixed on the screen.

“He just adm-”

“He didn’t admit anything. We need something concrete before we bust in there and mess up the whole thing.”

Jay clenched his jaw, kept listening and waiting impatiently for Darius to say something which could be used. He wasn’t a praying man but sitting there, with the screen having his full attention and her safety fully on his mind? Yeah, Jay was praying.

“listen yeah? Imma let your guy sell 8. See how that shifts. See if I can trust him.” Darius talks slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. What he means by trusting her buying is also seeing if he could trust her too. Jay knows how this works. You tell a small secret, or a lie, see what happens with it. Build it up until you decide if you can trust a person. If she delivers him the money for 8 and keeps the money coming in, she can be trusted with more product. “After that, we’ll look at somethin’ bigger yeah?”

Darius’s gaze drops down her body, takes in the curves of her body, the ones that Jay knows too well. His blood boils but he forces his hand to remain relaxed. If he clenched his hand, showed his emotion which could be taken exactly for what it is, he’d be packing his desk in a box and walked out of the building before the ink had dried on his paperwork.

Come on you son of a bitch, give me one good reason not to land a punch on you the second I get my hands on you.

“Like what?”

“Look at you thinkin’ big.” He runs his tongue back over his lips as he watches her. “I like the way your mind works. How bout that mouth?”

“What about it?”

“Wanna taste somethin’ on mine? You gonna be sellin’ it, don’t you wanna taste first? See how good it is” he asks, the fingers of the hand that rests against his thigh drums over his clothes.

“You’re giving me a freebie?”

“Bitch, ain’t nothing free here.” He scoffs, unable to believe she really asked that. “You want my H? You gotta show me how much you want it.” His hand moves, fingers tracing over his belt, snapping it open in one fluid motion. The explanation clear.

“We go now.” Voight’s voice rings out behind Jay. His headset is snapped away from him within seconds and he’s on his feet, out of the van with the others following.

___

“Jay?” Neither have really said a word since they got back to the precinct. She wanted to, was desperate to fill the silence with mindless chatter like they would usually but the look on his face tells her he’d rather have this than talk. “Jay.” She tries again and only now do his light eyes flicker up to her face. His hands still work, removing her wires, her camera and anything else which could pick the two of them up. Anything which could be used against them. “Are you not going to say anything?”

“I will once my heart leaves my throat.”

“I did ok though, right? You’d use me again.”

“You terrified me half to death, that’s what you did.”

“But did I do ok?”

He sighs, locks his jaw and stares at her as his hands drop to his side, the devices tightly fixed in his fist. “You did and that’s the problem.”

Her brow furrows, “pro-”

“Yes, problem. Do you realise how convincing you were? If we hadn’t come in when we had? He could’ve-”

“but he didn’t.”

“But he could have.”

“I knew the risk when I agreed to do this.” She lifts her face, angles her chin defiantly at him.

“So did I but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about the way he was or how it was playing out.” Turning his back briefly to put the device into the box it came from, he can’t wipe the memory of the camera from his mind.

They’re downstairs, away from security cameras, away from mics; the only two in that area are the ones Jay has just disconnected and put away. Alone, with no footsteps approaching, she steps forward and pulls him into a hug. “I’m fine. You came at exactly the right time. Maybe if you came in minutes after? That could have been a different story. Look at me, he barely touched me.” She says, ignoring the way her head throbs at the memory of how he’d grabbed her hair so tightly she thought he planned to rip clumps from her scalp as he’d dragged her to her feet and held a gun to her temple, using her as a shield. Her heart rate had only just calmed but the intense way that Jay stared at her made it pick up a little more. “I’m ok because of you.”

“But if I hadn’t.” His voice cracks a little and that one sound? That one sound breaks her.

“Hey,” moving his hand, she presses it against her chest, “see, I’m alive because of you and your team. Don’t beat yourself up over what could be. I’m here. Unhurt. And I’d do it again if it meant I could be of use to you.”

“Your information helps enough. I don’t need you almost getting attacked or killed just so we can take someone down. There are other ways.”

“If it wasn’t me in that position Jay, it would have been someone else. Would you have felt better having someone else have that gun pressed against their head just because it wasn’t me? Because I wouldn’t.”

When he says nothing, just continues to stare at her, she nuzzles her nose against his jaw, over his throat before pressing her lips to him, feeling the rough stubble as it grazes against her soft skin. “You’re feeling this because you acted as you should.” she presses more kisses, up the underside of his jaw and finally over the curve of it, her lips dragging towards his lips until he finally moves, dipping his face to meet her lips with his own and kisses her with all the pent up emotion he’d been keeping in, now barely to hold himself back after just a taste of her again.

“We can’t do this here.” He groans, forcing himself to pull away from her. Her eyes are dilating, her chest rises and falls from the rapid breathing. “You know where the spare key is for my place right? I’ll meet you there. You need to go now before I take you into the supply closet and get fired.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure I’m naked.” She says, stepping towards him and pulling his lip between her teeth, nibbling on it just enough to draw a long groan from him before letting it go with a satisfying pop.

#jay halstead imagine #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead fanfic #jay halstead one shot #jay halstead drabble #jay halstead smut #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd fanfic #chicago pd drabble #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd one shot

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aria-chicken-flugget · 4 years

Text

Disney World with The Brothers (+ Undateables)

HCs that no one asked for, i’m just self indulgent ✨

Link To The Brothers post

*Based on Disney World Orlando Resort*

The Undateables

Luke 👼

“Don’t hold my hand i’m not a child!”

Would grab your hand in excitement

“I don’t want to go on that boat ride it’s for babies!”

When no one else could hear, holding his arms behind his back whilst running his foot along the ground, blushing furiously -

“MC... will you take me on the ride, please?”

Cotton candy. Loves it. Would get it all over his fingers and all around his mouth.

Would be unable to hide The Brightest Smile TM when that Disney music plays and he sees the castle in Magic Kingdom

“Want to go on Whinnie the Poo?” “That’s a Baby Ride! >:(“

Goes on and LOVES IT

Has sooo much fun just getting to be a kid, holds nothing back after a little encouragement from you

You and Simeon look like his parents when you sit either side of him on a ride lol

Would be desperate to stay even when the park closes

“:’(“ “Hey, it’s ok! We’ll get to see another park tomorrow!” “:D”

Would hold onto yours and Simeon’s hand, humming the theme to Pirate’s of the Caribbean as you leave

“Did you have fun? I thought you didn’t like boat rides.” “That was a scary boat ride - the pirates were horrible.” Blush - deniaalll lol

Would berate you heavily if you tried to get him any kind of toy

Would take the toy home and never let go

Simeon 😇

“What’s a Mickey Mouse? I’m still new to this”

Always smiling and loves that he’s experiencing this with you and Luke

He LOVES Soarin’ as it feels like home but better, as he’s ‘flying’ with you

Trolls Diavolo into going on It’s a Small World After All and acts Innocent TM

Seems pleased enough, enjoys the experience but it’s made better by the company

Makes sure everyone has their belongings and is drinking plenty of water

“Do you need me to grab that for you, MC? I can hold it whilst you go on the ride with Luke?”

Asks Directions TM. Maps don’t work for this boi lol and he gets easily lost lmao

Wouldn’t purposefully ignore The Mom’s Itinerary but inexplicably keeps wandering off, eventually being found with an apologetic smile on his face

Doesnt understand you have to queue to get on until he gets told for the billionth time

Holds your hand as you both marvel at the fireworks, Luke on his shoulders with icecream

Gets Luke an autograph book and gets it signed by all the characters when Luke’s too proud or nervous to himself

“Yes there he is, Luke. He’d love a photograph. Luke? Luke!” *Luke blushing furiously from behind your arm* “SHUT UP SIMEON”

Looks the cutest when in character photos

Realises just how much fun he had when your on the way back from the park

Solomon 🧙‍♂️

Vlogs with Levi sometimes together sometimes separate, but his is more of a troll vlog

To Lucifer on camera - “WHAT ARE THOSE” “They are my crocs! >:(“

Goes FULL HAM TM with you by his side, it’s absolute chaos this boi does NOT run out of energy or things he wants to do

“I wanna go on Jurrassic Park” “... Solomon that’s at Universal.”

Would sneak you away from the brothers, would be very crafty about it to, no one would suspect a thing until it’s been hours since.

Would take the consequences with a nonchalant smile. Does. Not. Regret. A. Thing.

“Itinerary? What’s that?”

“The only good thing about Animal Kingdom is the Mount Everest ride.”

Claims he’s easy breezy about going/where to go in the parks

Actually has very specific favourites and dislikes

“But you said -“ “Yea but who the hell means it when you decide ‘It’s a Small World’” *eyeroll*

Still goes on the ride, and vlogs a meme out if it

Him and Levi SQUEAL at anything Star Wars

When no one is watching, he intesifies the fireworks with magic, watching you beam with amazement is what makes his day

Will try to sneak in a kiss during the fireworks

Barbatos 🕰

It’s the first time you see him smile, like a genuine smile

Is very quiet and is mostly there because of Diavolo, but rather enjoys the atmosphere

Surprisingly loves water rides

Despite being there because of Diavolo, Diavolo urges Butler Barb to let loose and have fun

He does to a degree but never falters his sense of decorum

Similarly to The Mom TM, would be very prepared. Need a napkin? Check. Anti bac? Check. Map? You got it.

When you decide to ride with him, his facade would falter, glancing around BAFFED

“Are - are you sure you want to ride with me, MC? Or did you mistake me for -“ “... Oh, ok.”

Suppresses the intense blush he feels at the revelation that you did, in fact, intend to ride with him

When he relaxes, may occasionally casually hold your hand, making you double take at his nonchalance

Would indulge himself with viewing the experiences you share in the different timelines in which you still go together

“MC, i’m taking you to dinner. If you’d like of course.”

Would be such a gentlemen and so relaxed at night, out of habit when he’s not with Diavolo, he can just simply be himself.

Will hold your hand as you watch the fireworks at dinner. A smirk on his lips before planting a lingering kiss on your cheek to both startle and excite you

Diavolo 👑

“Disney world?! DISNEY WORLD?! That is the no.1 place for your dreams to come true!”

Sincerely believes that is literal

That Laugh TM with his arms spread wide as he sees the Park entrance

Takes photos everywhere, even infront of a trash can - initially thinking “it’s a part of the experience!”

Gets too excited to follow Lucifer’s Itinerary

“Diavolo! You’re not supposed to climb onto the parade floats!”

Would scoop you up onto his back without warning, a ball of energy as he bounces around the park with you this way

“Wow! What is this delicacy?! It’s delicious!” “That’s just a Mickey shaped napkin, Diavolo...”

Would buy all of the balloons from the vendor, looking like a lunatic

“Where’s he gonna keep all those -“ “Don’t even ask.”

That one person who actually enjoys It’s A Small World After All. Sings along and doesnt stop for the rest of the day

Would wear several sets of Mickey ears at once, not realising or caring that it’s not how they’re meant to be worn

“Oh? Of course we can ride together, MC!”

Would smile that much more brightly as you suck up the enjoyment alongside him like a couple of sponges!

“That - that’s not a ride Diavolo -“ “But we must ride this monorail. It is a part of the experience!”

If he’s feeling comfortable, will wrap a strong arm around your waist, pointing out Tinkerbell to you when he spots her before the start of the fireworks

The link to the first post with The Brothers is above! Will edit both but have them for now and again, I hope these make you smile! ☺️✨

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me shall we date #om! swd #Obey me Luke #Obey Me Simeon #Obey Me Solomon #Obey Me Barbatos #Obey me Diavolo #om! Luke #om! simeon #om! solomon #om! barbatos #om! diavolo #Obey me Brothers #Disney Headcanons

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putschki1969 · 3 years

Photo

Wakana Anime Classic 2020 Stream Archive UPDATE

I would like to preface this post by apologising to everyone who has bought a ticket for Wakana’s live stream concert due to my recommendation and encouragement. I am truly sorry. m(＿＿)m

I obviously wanted as many people as possible to support Wakana but now I feel bad for promoting a shitty service like Live2U. I do not at all regret buying my own ticket because abysmal streaming quality notwhithstanding, it was an amazing live BUT I can no longer ask you to give money to them with a clear conscience. So if you were planning to buy a ticket for the archived video, please don’t.

Judging from all the issues that occurred during the initial registration phase way back in November I was almost certain things wouldn’t go smoothly during the live stream. Their server power is clearly not strong enough to handle this sort of traffic and they may or may not be using a completely wrong platform for their streaming service... Either way, I was hoping they would learn from their mistakes and improve the quality of their service a tiny bit until the live or at the very least make sure to provide a flawless video in the archive. I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt but alas, they turned out to be even more incompetent than I could have ever expected. Not only was the stream itself shitty as hell, they also couldn’t manage to provide a good archived version of the concert. And now they are coming up with a bunch of excuses, going as far as to take down the archived video, claiming to “fix” the issues and “improve” the quality. I am curious to see how they are gonna achieve that and get out of this mess since it would most likely require a full-on restructering of their entire service. We will see...

You know me, I am not a Space Craft hater, I do not enjoy speaking ill of them and I believe it is important to respect them despite their questionable methods. But it has honestly been a while since they have made such a poor decision so I can’t help but feel annoyed. Partnering with Live2U might be one of the most stupid things they have ever done. Obviously the fault still mostly lies with Live2U for advertising a service they cannot actually offer but it was Space Craft’s responsibility to at least make a little background check before partnering with such a shitty company. And now that they have entered this partnership it will be difficult for SC to get out of the deal so it’s up to Live2U to improve their service so they can actually meet their contractual obligations.

Two statements have been released so far: Statement #1 2020/12/22 Currently, difficulties occur during the viewing of the archived footage of “Wakana Anime Classic 2020″ due to the viewing environment. We apologise for the inconvenience but we will be suspending archive viewing for the time-being to fix the issue and let you know once it becomes available again. We apologise once again for any inconvenience caused to our customers.

Statement #2 2020/12/23 Archive viewing will continue to be suspended. We apologise for any inconvenience caused to our customers and have decided to extend the streaming period of the archived video. Details will be announced once the archive distribution is resumed again, so please be patient a little while longer.

At least they are offering an extension of the archive period but at this point it doesn’t seem like an adequate compensation considering how badly they have screwed up. They better think of something else to appease their customers. If the bits I saw of the archived video are any indication, a few (essential!) seconds here and there were cut due to Live2U’s bad connection during the stream recording so I fear we will never get those seconds back no matter how hard they try to fix all their issues. *sobs* Thanks to @mach3n for the input. I really hope it is as you say and they actually do have a flawless in-studio recording which they can use for the archive instead of just providing the streamed footage which they had previously done.

Oh well, all we can do now is wait and see what happens. Let’s stay positive and hope they can figure something out. All I want is a high quality video of Wakana’s live which I can download to watch again and again for eternity.

#kalafina #wakana #news #Wakana Anime Classic 2020 #random musings #Live2U sucks ass

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spirit-shroud · 3 years

Note

what are some roles that have been largely changed for cityrune? since you said queen was an influencer now :]

hi ty for asking me im vibrating. havent gotten to talk about this au now for three years and now that chapter 2 is like real and this time i can like........draw occasionally and i have more understanding of nuance...... [grips table] [screams]

this isnt quite what you asked but heres what's everyone from chapter 1 has been Up To with a little bit of context (and under a read more bc it got LENGTHY):

kris - professional stay at home teen (they live w/ asgore n help run the flower shop sometimes. this decision was entirely bc i dont like toriel). was wrongly diagnosed w Sudden Soul Rejection when they were incredibly young and given an experimental transplanted soul as a replacement. it works for them fine, give or take having to see gaster once a month for checkups. but sometimes the soul makes them skittish n decides they're going to sit in front of the pc and play 30 consecutive hours of a certain simulation game and not even let them drown people in the pool. if it were entirely up to them, they'd be like. passing out on the sofa to documentaries about bigfoot. or practicing cool knife tricks to impress their friends at their next tabletop meetup

- EDITED IN: the soul is kind of their friend. they are wearing a hypothetical get along shirt. most of the time, they agree on actions and things to do. tends to refer to themself + their soul as we/us which originally was just something they did in their head but they kept slipping in speech/text n just became a Thing of how they talk. switches to 'I/Me' whenever smth is wrong.

- also edited in: they believe the soul they have is their original soul bc nobody has told them otherwise. whenever theyre like 'oh yeah we think about our soul n view it as a separate entity to us like. all the time. it likes to hurt if we make too many choices it doesn't seem to like and kind of forces us to be a toned down version of what we want to be but thats just how souls are haha' and everyone is like.... 'Hey Kris That's Really Not How It Is.' theyre like. 'huh. gonna ignore that for now' - this was going to be a plot point

toriel - head of H0MEWOR1D (H01)'s department of education; kind of lost her roots as a simple math teacher as she was pushed into a lot of power she didn't even really seek out. divorced asgore over some miscommunications in their relationship; also loosely as a result of grief from asriel's death

asgore - the same. runs a lil flower/gift shop. people come in more to talk with him than to buy flowers most of the time, though

asriel Flowey - he's back in flower form, thanks to the government an accident. causes a lot of technology glitches wherever he goes, and wants revenge. isn't sure how to go about it. asriel "died" around 8 years before the story takes place and kris still misses him and refuses to even THINK about even the IDEA of calling someone their sibling after what happened, just in case it somehow happens a second time

susie - more of the same really. she spends most of her time either at grillby's (she's sort of become his assistant n helps with opening/closing. it just happened) or getting into low-stakes trouble w/ kris

noelle - she's in the city's equivalent of college and shes so tired. shes So Abysmally Tired n got kinda pushed 2 follow in her mom's footsteps. she's rarely around anymore except through text or on monsters & mages (dnd) night. (however.........she will come back w/ a long break n hang out w everyone again)

berdly - tbh i didnt even consider berdly when i made the au initially. idk what he's doing. probably in a similar situation to noelle??? canonically got kicked out of the M&M group due to clashes w/ other players but lurks in their group chat to posts memes sometimes

didnt rly think of any other of kris' classmates (+ their families) after ch1 and probably will continue to not, until chs 3-5 come out and i gotta whip up roles and histories for like. a lotta guys all of a sudden. i also forgot about noelle's parents

sans - runs a convenience store that everyone kind of thinks is a front, but also it has really cheap snacks and the local teens make a point of stopping there after school. so essentially, more of the same papyrus - similar to ut. is a very polite and sweet boy but you'll know when he's coming

grillby - he's back. he runs a bar like back in ut but the cozy vibes and weird-for-a-bar hours keep attracting kids who need parents, so half of his menu is comprised of overly sweet mocktails. usually only frequented by monsters

QC - same as usual. has a "rivalry" with grillbz but, theyre besties and have a book club

mettaton - he's real and he's back. he's similar to how he is back in ut w/ his EX body. likes to hang out at grillby's and talk to unsuspecting fans. has a show for everything

napstablook - similar to how they are in ut. helps mtt with making music sometimes. doesn't leave the house too often, but spends a lot of time posting on undernet

undyne - unfortunately. more of the same. she is a cop in the monster district. i am also upset by this but couldn't think of anything better for her

alphys - a doctor studying under dr. gaster in the hopes she'll one day take over his research. she spends most of her time as a nurse with a bigger title, though, and blocks out the weirdness of her job with anime.

gaster - weird guy. H01's top soul researcher and resident House wannabe. trying to manufacture the ultimate soul that can be controlled with simple internal switches, but so far he's only had 1 (very limited) success with a certain human. monsters just melt, and darkners just sorta......get weird... he's onto Something, though.

ralsei - lonely boy with some very strange hobbies. popular on UnderNet for poetry, baking videos, and general cryptid vibe. is the DM for the monsters & mages group (also seems to think everything is actually very fine in H01 when it is very much not)

lancer - about the same. professional Round Boy. lives w/ rouxls full time. follows susie around like a lost puppy and calls himself her "underling."

rouxls - runs a hotel/casino kind of deal where the objective Bad Guys hang out, and usually ends up doing any of the spade king's paperwork.

spade king - mafia godfather. kind of a dick. don't play cards with him

seam - works with the spade king as his right hand cat more or less because they have for a lot of years and are in that 'sunk cost fallacy' zone. thinks of retiring to a quiet life in the monster section of town like, daily

jevil - used to work with the spade king, but got imprisoned for Crimes. got weird after The Accident (separate from asriel's accident)

temmies (all) - dont really get mentioned except offhandedly but they run the monster space station. so far, are the only monsters who have ever been to space.

as far as chapter 2 goes:

yeah i dont have much so far for characters. in the original version of the au i accidentally made darkners as a whole just kinda..... not great? like all sorts of weird organized crime ties n sort of going out of their way to be A Problem to the city (not even in like. a revolution way. in a working against them but with the same goals kinda way). with the whole context it worked At The Time, bc i just had the spade king to look to as a villain, and also in this au the darkners are just trying to survive a world that ultimately was not built for them (that humans think they own, and monsters sort of... seeing this and wondering what it'll mean for them whichever one wins), but w/ new info abt how the dark world works n more guys to work with i want to kind of. edit the vibe a bit. like yea darkners will ultimately do whatever it takes to take over H01, but maybe in a better way than like. idk. all this. it doesnt have to be peaceful or anything it just has to be more adaptable as we meet more kinds of darkners

however yeah i thought up 'queen as some sort of childless mommy blogger/influencer' and that completely revived all memory i had of this au. she should be on mtt's talkshow. also she sells collectible wine glasses w/ her likeness

spamton is another one of gaster's failed soul experiments, but he hasn't melted yet, and seems............fine? sort of. so he hasn't gotten decommissioned yet. he does want to give you malware tho. hot monster singles in your area n all that

im blanking on the rest of the guys but i hope any of this was comprehensible

#kc takes questions #cityrune au #idk if tumblr still autotags things but if it does i am SORRY

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cosmosrival · 4 years

Note

Rico besides Kama what do you think about the other indian servants?????

AHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS GOING TO GET SOOOO LONG!!!! i have a different view of the indo fam as a whole. i call them the indo fam but i mean the found family trope!!!! theyre like a group of college students sharing a dorm if that makes sense, since their servant selves are obviously different from their initial myths/human vessels!!!

OK SO. RECENTLY, i have an oomf that found books about arjuna that summarize his exploits in the mahabharata(I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO READ IT ALL IM SO SORRY) and also talk about him in a more philosphical manner such as his states of mind during each event etc and i’ve been meaning to read said book because im genuinely interested in arjuna now!!! and i’d like to know more about this indo prince because from what i’ve seen, he is portrayed in a rather bad light(?) in FGO which i find extremely !!!!!!!!!!! and incrdibley !!!!!!! strange !!!!!!! the mahabharata’s conflicts can be put in a mostly grey area where there’s no good nor bad, its not black and white. so seeing arjuna get bashed because of the way his conflict with karna was written is... hm. let’s say that im REALLY starting to understand arjuna fans that dislike seeing him get mischaracterized so much. OTHER THAN THAT, his design is adorable, his travel outfit is my favourite because he deserves to relax and have some fun!!! fgo making him a chuuni is cute and his VAs little moans are cute cute cute!!!!!!!!!!! (mash grabs my shoulder and forces me to sit down) i think that arjuna deserves better and im really happy to see him have fun in his travel costume voicelines. i think we should take arjun on a date!!! he’s a great lover, we’d have the best time!! OH ALSO, kama seeing him as the student council president in their interlude makes me SOOOOOOO HAPPY its unreal, i think it fits him very very well, the seitokaichou who was elected because of everyone’s hopes and recommended by teachers because he’s suuuch a good student but because of that, the pressure to be good is constantly towering over his head and everytime he looks out the window he wishes he could ditch class and skip a day just because he felt like going to the arcade and be a bad student.......just this once........i think hes very very cute...... i want him to cook for me. HAVE YO U READ HIS BOND 4 VOICELINE ?mmmmmggg i want him to get embarrassed everytime i praise him for having such a muscular waistline. AUG

ANEWAYS i also have quite the thoughts about karna, his characterization in the game is linked to arjuna’s and thats fine but i think that forgetting how much of a little sassy bastard he can get was a mistake! did you know that in apocrypha’s german dub on netflix, when jeanne calls his name like “You’re Karna, aren’t you ? The son of the Indian Sun God !” HES LIKE “So ?” AND THAT WAS SOOOO BITCHY OF HIM, i think that karna is a good boy in fgo but the fact that he was such a fighty old man in the mahabharata shouldnt be forgotten and is a charm trait. I MEAN ???? HE THREW HANDS WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD(ARJUN) WHILE BEIN LIKE... THIRTY TWO. WHATS WITH THIS ANNOYING OLD MAN !!!!! knowing these little facts about him made me like him so much more actually !! i think karna being so nice is adorable!! but the little bitchy energy u can find in his voicelines is also very charming!! i think karna looking at me emotionless as i ask him to lend me his notes for the nth time that week and then saying “...Mn.” when i thank him is cute!!! his voiceline towards things he dislikes is interesting to me. karna seeming aloof and mean bc he doesnt know how to communicate but is actually nice underneath...... hey... thats a little delinquentcore........ i wouldnt say yankii but hes like... hes like... u know hes the handsome quiet one of the group of yankiis... u know the one...? hey where are you going

ganesha is also a character im deeply interested in but i havent played CCC so i dont know that many details about jinako herself !! my brain goes HMMMMMM it seems lord ganesha is trans in fgo ! (since kama used to be a male god originally as well!!) ganesha uses all pronouns!!! and ganesha is also special to me because they share similar traits with kama when it comes to their characterization AND mischaracterizations. ganesha isnt JUST jinako. theres a part of a god in the servant mix!!! and jinako HERSELF is actually a pretty sad character imo. the whole otaku/neet thing is obviously a facade and her true wish being that she wants to redo her whole life is also proof of how much she hates what shes become, yet at the same time, she doesnt know what else she could do. but anyways, i prefer looking at servants from a lore POV so i think that ganesha should still be considered a god and be adressed as such!! i like seeing people portray ganesha as jinako but i prefer it when a certain lavish more godly side of them is put forward. a side of jinako that managed to move on a little bit if that makes sense ? that got more serious. and became someone else entierly despite sharing similarities. needless to say their bond with karna makes me happy since he shows them respect as you should towards a god!! its a bit different from their bond in CCC... like they matured somewhat!! anyway ganesha is the one who taught everyone else in the indo fam about video games and technology and i will NEVER shut up.

ashwatthama..... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM %_’(’ç_”’è_ç(è_’”545656455456545453£¨¨µ¨µMµ¨++°=)=)°+ goodness. jesus christ on earth. my love story with him makes me so embarrassed. when he got revealed i instantly fell in love with him despite knowing JACK SHIT ABOUT HIM but since i was the only one in my friend group who was hardcore into fgo at the time, i kept my love for him to myself and just... (looks away)(i drop my wallet full of picturses of him) quietly adored his everything in silence. WELL, ree having an intense crush on yankii type characters isnt new, its been my favourite trope for ages (gyarus go in hand with them!!) and im still very attached to it so thats what made me love him in the first place!!!! BUT THEN. I GOT INTO HIS MAHABHARATAN LORE. And OHHHHHHHHH BABY.......... (im twirling my hair) so theres this 7ft tall war criminal..........<3<33<3(mash leans in and informs me that the convention of geneva didnt exist at the time) SO THERES THIS 7 FTTALL IMMORTALMAN.......<233 gOD he makes me absolutely CRAZY9909840385%£%%£%%µ%µ%µ the love i have for this character is immense and whenever im sad i remember that pako exists and has a tablet and can draw and i suddenly feel so much better. ok im gonna stop horny posting a little bit. but hes my wife. AND WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIS PORTRAYAL IN FGO IS THAT, they actually made him a good boy despite his initial roughness and misdeeds ???!!! HELLO?? ashwatthama wishing for a redemption ark is my favourite thing and his righteousness that was born because of his regrets is a very interesting drivepoint to me !!! hes a gorgeous character and im buying a ticket plane as we speak right now so i can go find him in northern india. i’ll find him. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME !!!!!GET OFF ME !!!

miss lakshimi makes me very sad! because every female servant in the indo fam is an already known face. (... would sita count.) and lakshi being a jeanneface is a waste. well, she’s still very pretty and her lore is also quite interesting!! i havent looked into it fully yet but i think she should be kissed on the mouth. her bad luck makes me slip on a banana peel whenevr i get close to her to kiss her and i hit my head on the pavement and pass away-

parvati is on a tough spot for me atm. i genuinely love thinking of her as the way the indian goddess herself is portrayed because thats where the fun lies for me in her character. especially when shes involved with other indian servants, thats a given!! i would like to see parvati grow, suffer and heal. because branding her as an “all-knowing mom” is easy, but every single parent makes mistakes if you follow that logic. also, since shes the sakura servant “thats closest to her initial personality”, she’s got some of the most Repulsive fans ive Ever witnessed in fandom spaces and lets say that im trying to work my way out of this hellhole and find things to like about parvati without the fandom’s influence. needless to say, im going to keep looking into her mythos and her lore by myself at my own pace and keep doing my own thing in my little corner.

rama shouldve been a jock. THE RAMAYANA IS OLDER THAN THE MAHABHARATA, WHY IS.....Hrm well him being summoned as his baby version gives me hope for a future rama alt perhaps??? but i think that he shouldve been a total jock and he shouldve been huge with a huge red lion-like mane for his hair and a teethy grin and big biceps and intense love for his wife. SPEAKING OF SITA, her charm point is her purity but i wish.... that their artist still hadnt drawn them like That, im not a fan of lily servants and i think purity = being young is a bit of an annoying excuse!!! rama and sita looking similar is because of their shared history which is fine but... rolls my eyes............. rama shouldve been 6ft tall and sita shouldve been a milf to match...... anyways i doubt ravana would be added as a servant but i’d love to have a ramayana centric event!! where all indo servants have their own lore centric role to play!!! oh thatd be a dream.... but i have learned to not expect much from a fanservice game so im jus gonna draw my own stuff! (strikes a pose!) (mashu claps!)

#answered #long post #SORRY FOR THE BIG SCROLL.

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leahazel · 3 years

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More about my morally-grey heroines and their messed-up relationships

I wanted to elaborate on this post I wrote about D&F and BFS, but it turns out that adding readmore links to reblogs is a PITA, and I just now that this is gonna turn into a fucking novelette.

So here we go.

Time to go into some detail about this!

Let’s define our terms:

“Decline and Fall” is my 120K+ series of loosely chronological, interconnected short fics, set in a tiny fandom for a visual novel that’s been in alpha development since 2015. For the record, the word count disincludes unfinished drafts, and stories that I’m holding back because they’re based on canon spoilers.

“Blood from Stone“ is my 100K unfinished Skyrim WIP, which began as a response to a kink meme prompt, and is not so much a rarepair as a non-existent one.

Both of these stories centrally feature young female protagonists and their sexual relationship with a much older man. Both heroines are... “grey” to say the least.

Let’s compare our fandoms, shall we?

Skyrim is a juggernaut fandom for a super-popular RPG which is part of a 30-yo franchise. The setting is moderately dark and casually sprinkled with murder cults, cannibalism, secret police death squads, and the prison industrial complex. The player character can be a thief and a murderer and everyone just learns to be okay with it because the only alternative is a fiery apocalypse. They also rob graves for the lulz.

Seven Kingdoms: The Princess Problem is a pinkie-toe-sized fandom for a hybrid RPG and dating sim where attractive young people flirt and date for the purpose of brokering world peace. The setting is one where you can actually broker world peace effectively. The player character can perpetrate a fair amount of proxy violence, but maintaining a good reputation dishonestly is legitimately difficult.

Now, let’s compare our heroines:

Corinne is a 24-year-old bounty hunter who became a folk hero, a soldier, and a cult assassin. She’s living alone and working for a living since she was 18. She’s never been in love, but she’s had multiple sexual and romantic relationships in the past. I deliberately wrote her as being very sexually confident and self-assured. She also has combat training, magical training, her special Dragonborn powers, and an incalculable amount of social clout. By every metric, she’s a powerful character. Though she can talk her way out of a tight spot (all my favorite characters can), she can also fight her way out.

Verity is (at the beginning of D&F) not yet 18 years old. She’s a princess from a very conservative kingdom who was raised to become a barter bride in a diplomatic marriage. The values that were passed to her were duty, tradition, and absolute obedience. Her primary skills are social, charisma, eloquence, and persuasion. Then she was dropped into the deep water of a diplomatic summit and had the weight of future history put on her shoulders, without ever having been taught how to make her own decisions or live with her regret.

To sum up, we have one hyper-competent, confident, and independent badass, universally recognized as powerful and dangerous, and then we have someone who’s basically a deconstruction of a traditional fantasy princess.

Okay, what about the more specific setting within the game world?

BFS is set in Markarth, arguably the most corrupt city in Skyrim, and the site of a localized war, on top of the 2-3 other wars that Skyrim has going on. The city is controlled by the cartel-like Silver-Blood family, and their enemies are swiftly and brutally eliminated. The rule of law is a joke. When the player character arrives at Markarth, they witness a chain or murders and are drawn into a conspiracy that sees them sentenced to life in prison for a crime they didn’t commit. The ruling elite suppress the native underclass by a variety of inventive methods. The roads into the city are controlled by the remnants of a violent but failed uprising, and this uprising is actually the origin story of Skyrim’s entire civil war storyline.

D&F is set in Revaire, explicitly the most violently war-torn of the seven kingdoms. Once the epicenter of a conquering empire, it was a country full of arts and culture, until a bloody coup slaughtered the entire royal line and instituted a new and more brutal regime. The new regime is on shaky grounds and foresighted people predict its imminent fall to rebel forces. So much, so canon. In D&F, I made a point of developing the new royals and their small coterie of supporters, as well as illustrating their constant struggle to conceal how widely reviled they are by the populace, and most of the former nobility. Their apathy to the plight of the common people is underscored in contrast to Verity’s compassion, which is ridiculed as a sentimental feminine affectation.

I’m attracted to certain themes, as you might have noticed.

Now, we get to talk about love interests.

Thongvor Silver-Blood is rather anemically characterized in Skyrim’s canon, so much of the information that I include in BFS is inferred. From his limited number of dialogues in the game, we know that he’s politically ambitious, a Stormcloak supporter, easily angered, and that he has one legitimate friend in the city. Like most Skyrim characters of his age bracket, he served in the Great War. He’s defined by his relationship to his generational cohort. In BFS, he’s def8ined in contrast to his brother. Thonar is comfortable being thought of as a villain. Thongvor still needs to believe that he’s the good guy. And I’m gonna get more into that in later chapters, too.

As a love interest, he’s initially in awe of Corinne, and always genuinely adoring, but more than a little jealous and possessive. BFS is not a story about love redeeming bad men (don’t get me started), but Thongvor shows different sides of his personality to different people, and the side that Corinne gets to see is much nicer than what most people do.

Hyperion Asper is a character of my own devising, whose existence in 7KPP canon is purely implied. We know his children, Jarrod and Gisette, and we knew that he organized a coup to seize the throne. I posit him as a tyrant and unrepentant child-killer (not directly stated in D&F, at least not yet). He’s ruthless and manipulative and his sole purpose is maintaining a sense of personal power. I structured him as the bad example that Jarrod tries -- and fails -- to live up to.

As a love interest... look, he’s a man who’s cheating on his wife with his son’s wife. He seduces Verity and manipulates her, and takes a special delight in pushing her buttons. All his compliments to her are mean-spirited and back-handed. He’s also jealous and possessive... which is especially pathetic, since he’s jealous of his own son, whom Verity doesn’t even like. His rage is a constant implied undercurrent in the narrative.

And the relationship dynamics themselves?

Corinne kisses Thongvor, proposes marriage to him, and then sleeps with him before riding off into mortal danger. She’s fond and affectionate, but she shies away from intense emotions, whether negative or positive. Since they spend most of their time apart, their marriage has been defined by Thongvor yearning like a sailor’s wife, while Corinne ran around doing violence and crime. They only just had their first fight. It will change when they get to spend some more significant time together... but on the whole, their marriage is fairly happy, and the emotional dynamic favors Corinne -- so far. It’s not a pure gender reversal, but that element is definitely dominant.

Hyperion starts seducing Verity on their very first meeting, and relies on a combination of magnetic attraction and Verity’s inexperience in life to keep her coming back, against her better judgment. Their relationship is mutually defined by a combination of attraction and resentment of that attraction. The danger of the situation is an essential element, to the point where it’s hard to imagine their affair would survive without it. It’s a puzzle and a battle, a source of fascination but not of comfort. There’s lust involved, and curiosity, but not a shred of love or even like. The closest thing to genuine affection is when Verity briefly imagines that there could be a version of Hyperion she actually liked, cobbled from his various, hidden good qualities. Any trappings of a genuine relationship are deliberately discordant.

I have tried, more than once, to imagine an alternate universe in which these two could be happy. It can’t be done. they are a study in dysfunction.

So where’s the similarity, with all these differences outlined?

Corinne’s choice to marry into the Silver-Blood family makes her complicit in their rule of the Reach, corrupt and reactionary as it is. Her reluctance to accept being called by their name reflects a reluctance to confront unpleasant truths that’s fundamental to her character. Choosing to be one of them affects and will continue to affect how other people see her, mostly negatively, and mostly without her being aware of it. Being Thongvor’s wife has gained her enemies. The fact that she doesn’t share his more reactionary views is something that they’ve both chosen to elegantly ignore, but the rest of the world won’t be so generous.

Verity’s choice to marry into the Revaire royal family makes her complicit in their violence against the forces rebelling against them, albeit in a more subtle way. Her personal dislike of Jarrod and the fact that their marriage was purely political will not absolve her in anyone’s eyes. Neither will her compassionate and charitable character, which can only be seen as a fig leaf to the Revaire royals’ general brutality. She has lost at least one good friend -- who will never see her the same way, since she chose to throw her lot in with his enemies. She will go down in history as an Asper wife -- but if she’s lucky, not just as that.

Both Corinne and Verity choose to accept some of the violence of the system that they live under, in order to serve their own lofty, long-term goals. Both of them are more image-driven than they care to admit, and though they are genuinely caring and compassionate, they will readily sacrifice compassion in service on their goals. They are queens (or queen-like figures), one-degree-of-separation members of the ruling class, implicated but not directly in control.

And their relationships serve to highlight what they are willing to accept, even though it goes against their conscience.

Is there a conclusion to be drawn here?

Sort of. I want to write about power, compromise and complicity. For whatever reason, it turns out that yw/om relationships are... a really good vehicle for exploring that. I can’t really explain why that is, just yet. I just... have had these thoughts floating, unstructured, in my head for months on end. I needed to get them out on paper, and give them some semblance of order.

I don’t even know why anyone but me would read this, as long and meandering as it is. But having it accessible might be of use to me.

#blood from stone #decline and fall #train wreck verity #i don't know why anyone would read this #it's nearly 2k words #and it has no real conclusion #hazel's d&f/bfs meta spiel

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retphienix · 3 years

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It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

#Retphienix #gaming #video games #gaming liveblog

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blankdblank · 4 years

Text

Cosmic Scheme Pt 3

Katy Perry: 365

…

Waking up next to you in the middle of the week

Never needed anyone to send me off to sleep

And I know I said go slow

But I can't hold back no more

Got a premonition this ain't gonna be a fling

“The slight was not intentional Thorin!”

“She stated none of my clothing makes a difference!” Thorin barked back tossing another of his shirts onto his bed trying to find a different shirt you hadn’t seen yet.

Balin rolled his eyes and sat on the stool at the foot of the bed. He wasn’t meant to lie to the King, but drastic times call for drastic measures. “That is because I overheard her stating to Miss Tauriel that she found you lovely in all you wear.” Silence fell in the closet and half naked Thorin stoically strode into the doorway pursed lipped to watch his cousin add, “It is the person within them she finds appealing.”

Thorin blinked and rumbled, “I should go shirtless?”

Balin, “I did not-,”

But Thorin was already turned to head into his bath to ready his hair, “I shall go shirtless. Our bond was formed in rescuing this peak and I was shirtless then. It is my strength and stature that shall guarantee her acceptance of my courtship brunch.”

Shaking his head Balin shrugged to the ceiling uncertain of how their King could be so wise and fearless a leader and such a buffoon in wooing you all at once. This was going to be the day. The first day of spring and he was going to earn the right to gift you his courting marker to drape around your ever so charming slender wrist if allowed to wander his mind would circle the notion of tracing it with his thumb while cradling your hand after tea or a supper waiting for the dessert.

You make a weekend feel like a year

Baby, you got me changing

24/7, I want you here

I hope you feel the same thing

Today was going to be the day. Although from the moment of your wide eyed good morning trying not to ogle the dark hair patches across the toned and broad King who couldn’t forget the feel of your arms around his shoulders and legs around his waist breathing deeply to remain calm through those memories, his eyes could not be torn from you. Or rather, the onyx wrapped large emerald cut diamond ring on a mithril band settled neatly on your finger for all to see while you tapped your fingers to your pen laying on your parchment waiting to be called to give the report you had on the job of restoring some old murals for the clan trickling back home again slowly by the day now that the weather had cleared.

While his eyes were fixed on your ring others had noted the gift a moment until the twitch of your brow and poorly withheld squirming in your seat alongside the ever clammier appearance you bore since arriving in this frigid hall four hours prior. Nori broke the silence however barking out halfway through Gloin’s report on the forge repair job he already shared with any within earshot several times throughout the day, “I’m famished. I suppose a day might be called?”

The tone had Thorin huffing and his shirtless self slumping back in his chair still staring at you grumbling, “Until tomorrow.” Blindly finding his ram statuette with his seal on the bottom he tapped to the chunk of wood between it and the table that rattled flat again post bounce while he pocketed the ram. Shakily you stood and with his head cocking slightly he caught a slight tremor to your hand a bit too pale for his liking he attributed to a once pointed out condition sporadically through the month leaving you requiring to snack every few hours or you could become dizzy. The symptoms you had hinted grew worse the longer you went without food yet he never allowed you to elaborate further as dizzy and weak was his limit right there he wished to prevent all together.

As a master of subtlety the King simply stated, “The ring is new.”

Now facing him his stomach dropped seeing you close to the shade of fresh snow bearing darkening circles under your eyes, “Yes,” all the same your weak self still smiled widely at him, “Kuu arrived last night, asked me for my wish. My mother had a ring like this, though the stones and metal was fake, I wished for a real one. Today’s her birthday, I suppose I wanted a piece of her to carry since I can’t visit her grave any more.”

Everyone’s heart had dropped and yet you smiled and shifted around your chair pausing with a grip of he back of it when he asked, “Would you join me for a brunch?”

“No,” you sighed out and his eyes clenched trying not to take this public rejection poorly, “I don’t think, I can-,”

Back your eyes rolled and when your knees buckled the gasp from Nori had Thorin wide eyed and lifting you in his arms not even letting you touch the ground. Straight to the Healing Wing Nori raced to send their best up to you in your apartment Bilbo rushed around in a frenzy to whip up some of the usual tonics for Hobbits that might work to ease your ailment presenting to be a bastardized version of what you might call chicken pox. Far from lethal for one your age, although no less debilitating or inconvenient and with all the Durins who had Hobbit blood already having caught it in their own youths they knew the bothersome time very well. Burning up to the touch but freezing with body aches galore and rashes to go with bouts of peeling skin towards the end of the ordeal. Little could be done but help you to sleep and keep you well fed and watered until it passed granting you time out of bed again under watch until fully symptom free.

I want you to be the one that's on my mind

On my mind, on my mind

I want you to be there on a Monday night

Tuesday night, every night

Are you gonna be the one that's on my mind?

3-6-5, all the time

I want you to be the one to stay

And give me the night and day

“We should ready the first bath, Bunnanunê should be waking soon,” Thorin rumbled out still yet to release your hand he had been cradling on his lap since your examination by the Healers confirming the Pox diagnosis.

Bombur nodded saying, “The cinnamon raison bread should be done baking and cooled by the time Miss Pear wakes.”

Dori, “How could you think of your bread at a time like this?”

Bombur huffed saying, “Miss Pear stated before every year on her Amad’s birth she would bake cinnamon raison bread and take it to her grave for a picnic like they used to have when she was alive. Share all that was missed.”

The sentiment had the men silent, Fili broke that however by saying, “We could round up some more furs, five fur shops in the market won’t have kin to retrieve the goods, all the better for us to keep her warm.”

Thorin nodded and Kili said, “And we should add more clothes, I know her size and we have all witnessed her preference for large shirts to sleep in. I will gather more. Surely she will sweat through all she has within a week.”

Dwalin however broke the lofty mood and earned glares by saying, “I will fetch an urn.”

Thorin growled out, “My Bunnanunê is not dying!”

Dwalin scowled back a moment in his huff and replied, “For her Amad. Yearly she would visit her grave, surely if we offered the Lass an urn she could fill with tokens reminding of moments together it might comfort her in the years to come.”

Gloin huffed out, “If only we had a likeness of Miss Pear’s Amad, I could forge a fine bust to place beside the urn.”

Bilbo’s lips parted and he darted off, “We do,” a few moments later he returned with an old cigar box he opened parting their lips seeing the photographs revealing moments of your years together from her pregnancy all the way to an image of her funeral with you curled up under her coffin crying.

Bofur, “Oh Miss Pear, just as stunning as her Amad.”

Ori, “They are near to identical. Past the crooked nose and mole Miss Pear lacks.”

Dwalin tried not to weep at the image of you as a baby while Oin eyed another of you in the bath he showed to Balin, “Does that not appear to be a ram?” Pointing to the birthmark on the top of your upper thigh near your groin, right where Thorin’s identical mark was placed.

Balin nodded, “Aye, it does.”

From the selection Gloin chose the best to grant him a full side to side guide to her face for the gift and hurried off to get to work in the forges while the Princes rushed off to gather goods and Thorin sat waiting for the deep inhale to signal your waking for the first round of stew and water to keep you well nourished through this before tucking you in to sleep again.

Love it when you come back and can't take it when you leave

Got me fantasizing our initials already

And I wanna just let go

Falling deeper than before

Say that you are ready, lock it up in a heartbeat

To say you missed your mother would be a vast understatement. Every day it seemed to be harder not to prep as you used to for that painful but necessary visit. Both hating and craving it to be near her again. Moonlight however seemed to ghost dust flakes in the air to view across you room and lost to your sinking mood dropping more and more in the past week as pain seemed to radiate through you more and more nearly keeping you in bed all day to keep from moving.

Green eyes from the shadow of the corner across from your bed triggered an urge to sit up. Achingly you did just that and up to the edge of the bed again Kuu, the Great Owl protector walked and came to a stop with his face inching closer to yours. “I can see you have an inkling of a wish, little one.”

On your lap your fingers wrung together, thumb tracing over the same finger your mother’s favorite ring used to sit on her hand. Anxiously you wet your lips and replied, “My mother had a ring, big emerald cut clear stone surrounded by black crystal on a cheap tin band. Said one day she’d get a real one. I wish I had a real one, with a big emerald cut diamond and onyx stones around it on the best metal band possible with a silvery shade instead of gold.” For a moment his eyes scoured yours taking in the memory of the ring you were picturing, blinking at your saying, “Unless, it’s too much?”

Around his beak his cheeks puffed out in a grin and he replied, “Sentiment is never too much, little one.” Lifting up his foot it extended to over your fingers and he stated, “Mithril band, the most enduring metal to offer well beyond value that will fit itself to any finger chosen for it. In place of a diamond one emerald cut stone of Lasgalen, far rarer reflecting starlight when the sun has left the sky, a stone of pure commitment that none but you may wear. Pure Onyx borders that stone darker than any discovered in these lands before with great powers of protection and consolation in times of grief or stress.”

“Thank you,” your eyes dropped to the glowing ring in your palm that you slipped onto your left index finger with a timid grin spreading across your lips. “So very much.”

His head tilted and he drew back straightening up again as if pleased that you had passed some test by the grateful tears in your eyes. “I am fond of you little one. Do not fear the shadows, I rest there ever watchful of those whom I choose.”

“Can I ask a question?” His head cocked again, “I was wondering, what do the foxes do? The ones that were here when I arrived?”

“When approaching my presence those to be tested witness those foxes, the greater their numbers the deeper innocence within. They are guardians of children mainly when not at my bidding.”

“Ah, makes sense. Thank you again.”

“Rest well. I must fly.” With that he turned and strolled back to the shadowy corner and down again you wiggled to stretch out grinning to yourself a few moments admiring your gift. Wiping away the tears that broke free when the aches in your body took hold again. Clenching your eyes shut you tried with all your might to force yourself to sleep, even imagining your mother still here to stroke your hair and sing to you as she used to.

Work was going to be hell if this kept up, and another meeting with the bright eyed King who seemed ever so flippant in your company for how he might consider you ranked in his daily life would not help things at all. You used to feel so light and free in his presence, at least until it seemed all you said or didn’t say was under such scrutiny somehow. Things seemed to be growing more complicated by the day. All the same you didn’t want to feel like this around him, you wanted to be happy and not irritable and wishing to crawl under a rock forever certain to irritate him even more by speaking rashly.

Ooh, ooh ooh ooh

Are you gonna be the one?

Ooh, ooh ooh ooh, ooh

Are you gonna be the one? (Are you gonna be the one?)

I want you to be the one

Days in and out of consciousness followed a strict routine until daily bouts of groggy ramblings from you were noted by those looking in on you to be shared with the hovering King later. Work on the gift came with ample time and effort to perfect each one to be presented to you later. One clay bed for a row of glowing nocturnal succulents that flourish in these dark halls would make a lovely little makeshift garden to settle the highly detailed palm sized bust of your mother into or beside. Most likely for a mantle or spare table along the wall to be set up later with the urn to be filled with whatever you wished.

All of their traditions were filled to the T. String of beads personalized with what details they could muster, a half pound of diamonds to add to the urn as her favorite stone with exactly 48 sapphires to, on the other side, shift to lanterns to light her path to eternal peace. One small jewel hammer and an anvil necklace engraved with the name of her surviving child to bear proudly that will shift to a brick to add to the dwellings of her clan. Bells for Hobbits on strings in elegant detail mixed with paint powder in a small jar and five thimbles hand carved from acorns gathered from Greenwood by the Elves who added personalized coins of pressed wax to add their own sealed promises to protect the child left behind along with pressed petals woven to form shapes of birds or the plants they were taken from.

Damp cloths were dabbed to your forehead only to be motioned away by your hand leading to a hefty helping of arguments from the King who returned again feeling that your forehead was clammy and coated in dried sweat. “That is what the cloths are here for, to keep the sweat from her brow.”

The muddled voice replied, “Well then you sit there through the pouting and swatting that you know is occurring from the young Lass.”

“That is beside the point. I gave you orders to care for my Queen. Now there’s no telling how soaked her clothes are.”

A pair of Dams turned huffing to go and towel bathe the woman no doubt ready to fuss about it. Thorin huffed himself hearing you being helped from your shirt and toweled down. “Water, water, honestly! Can’t go five minutes without water being splashed on me. Always cold, I’m already freezing, just let me sleep.”

Thorin once you were redressed crept into your bedroom hearing you sniffle then whimper out, “It’s so cold,” painfully he watched you curling up in a ball under a thick pile of covers sure to be coated in sweat once again in minutes, “Everything hurts.” Again you sniffled and he came to sit beside you rubbing your back hoping to help lull you to sleep knowing this was the worst part for you and everyone watching after you.

Slowly your eyes broke open hours later and still Thorin sat there rubbing your back, “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Hmm?” His eyes landed on yours hearing your broken murmur while your next round of stew was being wheeled in.

“I could infect you. King shouldn’t be with someone sick like me.”

Thorin smirked humming back, “I have already endured the Pox when I was a child. I cannot catch it again.”

“Did I get anyone sick?”

To himself Thorin chuckled and stated, “All of our Hobbit kin in the mountain have already endured the Pox. No doubt it was one of our reinforcements who passed it onto you. Two of our Lords on the Council had bairns who just recovered from it before their arrival. Both have sent wishes to apologize for this painful time once you have recovered.”

Again you curled up grumbling as your head pressed into the side of his thigh, “Why is it so cold, and painful. Everything hurts…”

Thorin sighed, “I know, and you are burning up actually.”

“No I’m not, and they keep coating me with water,”

“That is sweat, Bunnanunê.” Up he helped you and sat with you while you ate then watched a pair of Dams help stretch you out and rub down your aching muscles once again coating you in creams to help you sleep and relieve the pain. The process that helped to lull you to sleep again.

Daily your focus grew a bit clearer between lingering bouts of pain and to the loud crash of thunder waking you from the storm in your dream of an icy tornado loaded with electric eels chasing you through your old town up you staggered and out into the hall. Through the silent Royal Wing you found yourself at the door of the fire filled King whose contact seemed to help warm you and ease your pain for the moments it lasted. Often in films there was guards galore and you supposed maybe in your haze you had staggered past them, but with his door oddly unlocked you let yourself in and under the cover of the thunder rolling overhead the creak of the door was missed. Straight in and onto the King’s bed you went tugging off your drenched shirt that fell to the floor. Up you climbed behind him finally feeling some warmth with eyes drooping at your body’s move to plop ungracefully onto the bed behind the snoring naked King falling fast asleep at the spending of your last ounce of energy for the walk.

A single gasp lured Thorin from his sleep and broke his eyes open to realize there was a familiar head of curls inches away. Lifting his head he locked eyes on his sister who was glaring at her brother. “Don’t look at me like that! I was alone when I went to bed, this is the first I know of company.” His voice low hoping to not wake you only for his gaze to drop realizing in the stroke of his hand over your just barely sweaty back his arm was draped across that it was bare. “Where is her shirt?”

Dis cleared her throat holding the shirt between her fingers, “This was on the floor.”

“I didn’t take it off. I would never take advantage of my Bunnanunê.”

Dis nodded and lifted his pants she tossed onto the bed behind him, “Dress your lower half or Miss Pear’s reputation shall be scuffed. One or not. You nude and her halfway would not end well should the Healers find her in this state.”

Thorin rumbled taking the pants he eased under the covers ensuring he didn’t disturb you to squirm into the pair then shift again to look over your back admiring the dip in your back and breasts pooled partly out from your sides underneath you. Tearing his eyes from your figure he saw Dis moving closer with a fresh shirt in hand carefully wiggled around your head and arms curled under your pillow and with a gentle lifting hand under your middle from Thorin was easily wiggled down to your hips and flattened over your back. A squirming grumble hinted that your pains were coming back and to that Thorin eased back against your side smoothing his hand once again over your back. “Thank you Dis.”

Rolling her eyes she said, “I will share that your Queen has trouble with storms. Oin has already let it slip on that mark of yours. Barters have been placed.”

“When she wakes I will help her back to her bed.”

Dis smirked saying, “I will check on her morning stew. Steal your cuddling while you can. I will be back in ten minutes.” Strolling out of the room with your old shirt in hand to add with the rest yet to be washed.

For his hopes of keeping his wording a secret the proverbial cat was out of the bag and in a slip into your apartment from the hall after a stolen stroll one of your Healers whispered something about tending to the future Queen again confusing you on who this soon to be Queen might be and how long you might have been out of it to miss Thorin getting married. Though the reveal of the crescent rolls made just for the future Queen with special jams on your cart had your eyes narrowing a moment on your first breakfast not containing stew. To test if you were truly on the mend yet or if your Pox would take a sharp turn and spike up again like the rare cases they hoped to miss allowing you some well deserved relief after three weeks of pure misery.

Somehow you had been engaged in your delirium, or at least publicly teased to be at how much attention Thorin has no doubt been doting upon you. Breakfast wasn’t close to what this was in reality, more like your pre breakfast breakfast. Once you had eaten and were left to your own whims you did just that, grabbing a tunic you had been detailing for the King to repay him and marched your minorly sore self straight for the King’s apartment. Right in you went and strode right for his closet making Balin smirk noting your determination for something that had you here while he was trying to get Thorin up in time for an early meeting.

Under his covers Thorin growled out, “Let me sleep!”

Balin replied, “The second arrival of Lords from Orcarni will be in a few hours. We must ready for their greeting.”

Thorin growled through a deep exhale that halted to the pants falling onto his back and your saying, “Get up and put your pants on grumpy.”

His head popped out from under his covers seeing you walking back to his closet, “Why are you out of bed?”

“I had to deliver a gift, there’s a shirt there too.”

Thorin turned over and Balin smirked at his instant bend to your will, though in inspecting the grey shirt his fingers trailed the embroidered hems with brows furrowing, “Where did you find this? The detailing is green.”

“I made it. You are running out of time get dressed. I am picking your boots.”

“Why would you make me a shirt? Especially one in these colors.” he said sitting up still naked in bed with the clothes on his lap.

“For one I wasn’t aware of your distaste for grey and green, and two my future husband should love to flaunt my gifts shamelessly.”

That had Thorin seeing red and Balin turning his head to hide his nearness to laughing at the rapid turn of Thorin to tug on his pants and walk to the closet, “Husband? Who is this intended?! Why am I just hearing of this now?! Where have you been hiding the little harlot inside this peak you have grown so fond of to shower with your hand made gifts?! How long have you been keeping this attachment to yourself?! I am the King-!”

“Here is a vest to go with your new shirt.” You said tossing it over his arm planted on the doorframe then turned to pick his belt and socks to go with the boots you left at his feet.

“You are avoiding my questions!” he said turning around following your path under his arm back to the bed to hand him his shirt. “Who is this harlot you have deemed to be a suitable intended?!”

Rolling your eyes you grabbed his pillow that flew from your head to hit him in the face he lowered as you said, “I don’t know! Why don’t you ask the future Queen of yours that you specially set aside crescent rolls and special jams for her breakfast that somehow found its way onto my food trolley?”

Balin chortled as Thorin stammered, “I, have no notion how you have heard that.”

“The Dams charged with feeding me said they were told by you explicitly it was meant for your future Queen alone. Then I find it on my cart, so put your shirt on and finish dressing to get to your meeting so you might be back at a reasonable time to explain how we ended up engaged while I was in my delirious haze.”

“I will have a word with your attendants.”

“You will put your shirt on and flaunt it, no telling if by the end of the week word will be we have wed secretly. Now be a good little harlot and get dressed.”

“Did you just call me a harlot?” he said turning his head to follow you on your way to bringing his boots from the closet doorway to the bed he was standing beside.

Balin said, “Actually Thorin, you called yourself a harlot.”

Thorin gave him a pointed gaze and then almost flinched at your fingers combing a knot from his hair you had untied the braid it was tied back in. “Unless you are heading down shirtless again, then I insist you wear it tomorrow.”

Just about melting from the severely intimate gesture of fixing his hair he found his arms already in the sleeves of the shirt he pulled on over his head stating before he could stop himself, “Oh I am putting it on. Not because you said so but because I am half naked and I am late with no time to browse my shirt supply, not because you told me to.”

Balin rolled his eyes starting your path to help him straighten the shirt he found surprisingly comfortable and perfectly tailored to his taste even if it was in the wrong colors. Next his arms eased back into his vest with Balin securing his belt after while you passed him his socks to add and boots after. “Enjoy your day, I’m heading back to bed.”

Your words halted his path and his hand found your arm tenderly, “How is your pain today?”

Exhaling deeply you replied, “Six, and a half.”

“That is not good.” He rumbled back walking with you on your way to the door.

“Has to go away eventually so I can get back to work.”

The pair of them replied, “Take as long as you need. There is no rushing your recovery.”

Balin, “It has been known to push too hard at this phase could do more damage than good on the invalid’s health.”

“Invalid?” You asked making him pat your arm.

“To bed, rest.” Balin replied.

Thorin added, “Tonight if your stomach is still settled the Company is throwing a supper together in honor of your looming recovery.”

Poking him in the belly he grinned as you said mid turn, “Go be a King now.”

He truly did love your gift and he did flaunt it shamelessly and kept an ear out for your progress through your next few meals until you were changed into a comfy set of jeans and a blouse you could easily sleep in if you were drained through the meal of your energy. Subtle strokes of your thumb to the ring on your finger several of the Dams tending to you complimented greatly on its elegant design surely proving the great taste your mother had in jewelry. All through the meal however everyone seemed to be up to something and in the midst of the change from dinner to dessert your tears came out hugging each of them tightly for the gifts they had assembled and helped to set up in your apartment on a table by the wall then led you back to enjoy dessert.

Eventually you had been carried off to bed again falling asleep in the musical hour after that to be tucked in. Slowly you were recovering and finding yourself a home and family here who cherished you. Silently stealing a moment once he ensured you were covered up Thorin sat down and from his pocket eased out a courting bangle with gem formed runes all around it he would explain in the morning assuming once again you would rush in on his getting ready possibly granting him the chance to request aiding in readying your hair in return for fixing his the other day.

His mind still forming the contract he would present to you after your awe inspiring discussion about prenuptial agreements. Finally a bridge between your courting cultures he could adore every moment of negotiating to perfection working out not just promises for the future of your courtship and terms to grant you any needed security and trust that he would honor every one of them to the smallest detail. With this he would win over your confidence in him as a husband after having proven to be a devoted caretaker. Back to his desk however littered with scraps of drafted ideas for terms he went sitting down refocusing on his latest idea. Though to his shock in return for his gift once it was explained you waited the day out feeling the braid he had fixed into your hair smoothing across your back as you wrote up a contract of your own.

Right in the middle of his last meeting his eyes turned to the door at your stroll in to plop a stack of parchment in front of him then stroll out again without a word. Impatiently he got to the end of the meeting and hurried to grab the stack while the Council left the King and his relatives to inspect the stack. Each page of the stunningly perfect prenup contract was gone over and as fast as he could Thorin hurried upstairs with his witnesses in tow to have it signed and sealed so that by morning everyone would know that a wedding was to be planned within the year.

It could be heard echoing through the mountain, inquiries on what steps they had not been aware of being crossed. “What was the final gift?”

“She wrote him a contract.”

Gasps always followed surely paired with heart eyes in “A contract?!”

The added statement of, “A whole twenty pages!” Nearly had Dwarves swooning left and right for the impossibly romantic gesture from their future Queen to their King.

That announcement however would come after a discussion on ceremony details with you. Breakfast was set out on the table, a full spread to welcome you back to eating regularly and while he had his back turned you reached for your juice saying, “And here I expected a crown incorporated around a bowl or porridge or something.”

However once he came back to the table he hummed back, “Now that would just be foolish, porridge in a crown.” Setting down a platter with the crown he had designed and crafted for you with a half a melon containing a fruit arrangement inside of it.

@himoverflowers, @theincaprincess, @aspiringtranslator, @sweeticedtea, @ggbbhehe4455, @thegreyberet, @patanghill17, @jesgisborne, @curvestrology, @alishlieb, @jogregor, @armitageadoration, @fizzyxcustard, @here2have-fun, @lilith15000, @marvels-ghost, @catthefearless, @imjusthereforthereads, @c-s-stars, @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore, @mariannetora, @shesakillerkween

Hobbit/LotR – @abiwim, @jotink78, @pastelhexmaniac

x Thorin – @evyiione, @deepestfirefun, @queenoferebor

#thorin x reader oc #Hobbit #lotr #Request #Sick fic #Soulmate

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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 4 years

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(1/2) hi there! so, i don't really consider myself a "new" christian- i've felt drawn to god since i was young- but i only started reading the bible about a week ago. i set a goal for myself of reading 20 chapters a day so that i will have read the entire bible in ~2 months, which was very manageable initially because april break was still in progress when i started. however, now that i have schoolwork to do, i'm finding that i just don't have enough time in the day to read that many chapters.

(2/2) i don't want to disregard my goal, but if i force myself to read too much each day, i fear that i won't be able to retain or appreciate much of what i read. i'm not sure what to do. should i lessen my ambitions at the cost of taking longer to read it overall, or somehow muscle through 20 chapters a day at the cost of not fully understanding them? sorry this isn't relevant to lgbt matters- i'm just always comforted by your advice and wasn't sure where else to turn. thank you for your time!

______

Ah, don’t be sorry! If I could talk about the Bible all day every day, I’d be thrilled! (I’m autistic and scripture is my mainstay special interest haha)

This gets super long so tl;dr: I vote for revising your goal and reading less per day. You don’t wanna get burned out, and you want to be able to retain what you read and have the chance to really mull it over!

It means a lot to me that folks like you come to me for suggestions; I’m by no means an expert but golly do I love the Bible, and I’ve been reading it since childhood -- first picture book & abridged versions, then the “real deal” starting in ninth grade, and these days I often translate passages from the original Greek and Hebrew. So I’m always joyful to share what I’ve learned about reading the Bible, particularly in ways that combine the spiritual and the scholarly.

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I super admire your dedication to reading the entire Bible; most Christians never do so and while it’s by no means a prerequisite to being Christian, I find that actually reading it all can be a great help in many ways:

First, it means that no one can tell you what’s in the Bible without you being able to bring your point of view to the discussion, because you’ve read it too. You don’t have to just accept what others say about it, ya know?

Secondly, there really is deep richness in the Bible; the Holy Spirit will breathe through the pages as you read and enliven your heart. You’ll learn more about what it means to be in relationship with God, with yourself, with other humans, and with all Creation.

Finally, only in reading the entirety of the Bible to you come to see the overarching themes of scripture, the fullest glimpse of the God it reveals. The separate fragments and books of the Bible are distinct from one another in many ways, written by many authors with differing opinions and understandings of God; but once you’ve read them all it is possible to trace the path of the Divine across them all.

Hopefully, you’ll grow more comfortable with things like contradiction and doubt. You’ll learn how to scoop up glimmers of the Divine even in Bible stories that make you shake with anger or scratch your head nonplussed. You’ll learn that being faithful doesn’t = having all the answers, but instead is about a willingness to engage in dialogue with God and with others, to constantly learn and question and grow.

All that being said, 20 chapters is a lot to get through in a day!! Whew!! I do recommend reconsidering your goal. It was a valiant one and I’m impressed you were able to do it for a time, but it’s totally okay to re-plan things. I used to be really, like, averse to the idea of revising goals; I felt like a failure or like I was weak or something if I had to change them? So if that’s what you’re feeling, do what you can to let that feeling go. There is no shame or weakness in realizing that your current plan isn’t working for you. The true shame is in refusing to change your ways when everything is pointing to a need for change!

Decrease your goal to something more manageable, so that you don’t start dreading your scripture reading and get burnt out. You don’t want to resent the time you reserve for reading! You want to be open to the Spirit’s wisdom as you read.

Honestly, if your goal were to become as general as “read at least one chapter each day,” or even “read at least one paragraph each day,” that would be totally fine! There may be days when you get more done, but even a little passage of scripture is full of richness. And you’ll be showing your dedication and learning spiritual discipline in making time for even a little passage in a busy day.

Yes, you’ll be reading for a lot longer; but there is no rush. Reading the whole Bible isn’t just about cramming all its contents into your brain; it’s also about letting the words seep into your heart. That takes years, lifetimes even.

Still, I understand the desire to have the whole Bible in your head. So the rest of this post is going to try to balance the “scholarly knowledge” of the Bible that you logically want to get into your brain as soon as possible with the spiritual wisdom and impact of the Bible, which is cultivated over a lifetime.

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The spiritual side of Bible reading

I’m gonna share a passage from Sister Macrina Wiederkehr’s book A Tree Full of Angels about Bible reading, because she describes the richness held in the tiniest crumb of scripture and the wisdom in taking it a little at a time better than I can.

Let’s start with her explanation of the spiritual discipline called “Lectio Divina,” reading the Bible in an embodied way that enriches our understandings of God’s presence in all Creation:

“Here is a way to harvest the Word of God.

The monastic tradition to which I belong has always stressed the value of seeking intimate communion through persistent dwelling with and in the Word of God. We call this form of prayer Lectio Divina (Divine Reading). Lectio Divina is far more than what we ordinarily understand as spiritual reading. It is reading...with the eye of God, under the eye of God. It is reading with the desire to be totally transformed by the Word of God, rather than just to acquire facts about God.

The incarnational aspect of Christianity reminds us that all of life is full of God. God is in all. Lectio Divina, then, is a way of reading God in everything. ...

In the tradition of our desert fathers and mothers...the emphasis was on the reading of the Scriptures. This was the Word of God par excellence. The discple was encouraged to hover over the word of God in the Scriptures as the Spirit once hovered over the birthing world. ...The one who is immersed in the Word of God in the Scriptures is eventually able to read God in all things. ...

Macrina then brings up Guigo II, a monk from the 1100s who came up with four phases or degrees of the Lectio: reading, meditation, prayer, contemplation.

It sounds to me like you’re currently most focused on the “reading” phase, since you’re busying yourself with getting through the whole Bible as soon as you can. That is totally cool!

Guigo II described the reading phase as putting food in the mouth, while “meditation chews it, digs for the treasure. Prayer extracts the flavor and helps us get to know the treasure. Contemplation embraces and welcomes the thirsty soul.”

I know that there are days when I just can’t seem to get my spirit into the latter three phases of the Lectio; I can only manage the reading phase. So I read, with the faith that by absorbing the content of Bible pages into my brain, there will come a time when I chew on that content, digest it, find the treasure in it. Thus I don’t think it’s a bad thing to read the Bible primarily in that “info-gathering” mode -- the more scholarly mode -- but when you’re ready and able to wade in deeper, do so! That might be every day for you, especially if you don’t spend all your time and energy on cramming in as many passages as possible; or it might be something you don’t really get to until you’ve read whole books of the Bible. I’m not saying there’s one right way to do all this -- just stuff to consider!

But I will emphasize the “meditation” phase Macrina describes next, because I think it might help you decide that yes, you do need to cut down on just how much of the Bible you read daily. Here’s what she says about how much of the Bible she reads in one sitting:

“Read until your heart is touched. When your heart is touched, stop reading. After all, if God comes in the first verse, why go on to the second? A touched heart means God has, in some way, come. God has entered that heart. Begin your meditation.

Meditation is a process in which you struggle with the Word of God that has entered your heart. If this Word wants to be a guest in your heart, go forth to meet it. Welcome it in and try to understand it. Walk with it. Wrestle with it. Ask it questions. Tell it stories about yourself. Allow it to nourish you. Receive its blessing. To do this you must sink your heart into it as you would sink your teeth into food. You must chew it with your heart.

... You may ask if there is ever a day when my heart is not touched. Yes, there are many. On some days each psalm or gospel passage is like the parched earth. There is nothing moist or life-giving to be found in the words I read. I see this barrenness as a message from God also. ...God also speaks in silence and darkness. So when nothing comes, when darkness prevails, then too, I lay my Bible down. My word is silent darkness. I carry the dryness, the emptiness, the silent darkness with me through the day. It is only in darkness that one can see the stars. I have seen too many stars to let the darkness overwhelm me. Even though You are silent, still I will trust You.”

So, yeah. That’s Macrina’s instruction for reading the Bible -- it leans very heavily onto the spiritual side of Bible reading. But the scholarly side is important too, especially for your first go-around! Let’s get into that.

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The scholarly side of Bible reading

People who have to read part or all of the Bible for school know that Macrina’s method of reading only “till your heart is touched” is pretty, but not pragmatic. There were times when I’d be assigned all of Exodus, or all of John, or all of Paul’s letters to read within a few days or a week in seminary -- so I wasn’t that focused on getting spiritual fulfillment out of the words then! I just had to cram that info into my brain so my teacher would know I did the homework!

I feel like your first Bible read-through is probably going to lean more heavily on the scholarly side than the spiritual, because if the stories aren’t already in your head, getting them in there is your primary goal.

As you read I cannot recommend enough the use of footnotes or commentaries or other resources to help you make sense of what you are reading. Especially when you come to the more problematic or culturally-complex parts of the Bible. You’re not the first to have questions and confusion and distress about things in scripture; so let others who’ve been in your shoes and done research help you out! By finding trusty resources, you’re leaning on a whole community, just as Christians are called to do.

I’ve got a post here with recommendations for Bibles with good footnotes, for online Bible resources, etc.

One of the resources listed in that post is the Bible Project’s YouTube series that offers a short video for each book of the Bible. It might be cool for you to watch through all of those in the coming month, so that you can get those “main ideas” and Bible stories into your head now, even while your reading of the actual Bible slows down. Those videos can be like a “sneak peak” for what’s in store as you continue to read through scripture.

If you prefer text to video, you could also consider getting a “family Bible” / “children’s Bible” to read through! I recommend the DK Illustrated Family Bible, because it has wonderful historical notes and images, and it quotes from the Bible verbatim rather than paraphrasing it in kid-friendly language. Reading through that Bible could totally be done in 2 months, no sweat, unlike getting through the whole Bible. And then you’ll have the main stories and themes in your head asap, while not letting your Bible reading overwhelm you or burn you out.

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To wrap up, here are a couple other resources you might find useful as you continue your reading:

A webpage I made discussing a framework for scripture that takes it seriously and affirms LGBTQ+ persons; concepts like divine inspiration, “cherry-picking,” and the rule of love are also discussed

A post addressing misogynistic passages of the Bible; oh and another post on sexism in the Bible

A post addressing the potential for antisemitism when reading the Bible through a Christian lens

And in my Rachel Held Evans tag you’ll find quotes from her wonderful book Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again, which is such a helpful little book for those wanting a crash-course in things like cultural context, divine inspiration vs. human authors, and grappling with violence in the Bible.

I hope that something in this post helps you out, anon! And best of luck to you as you continue your journey through scripture!

#bible tag #lectio divina #reading and studying the Bible #new to christianity #< i hope you don't mind me tagging this with that tag just because this might be pertinent #to those who are new to christianity #Anonymous #macrina wiederkehr #long post #essays #resources #exploring and discerning

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butterflydm · 5 years

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The Untamed Rewatch (ep 1)

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Oh, yes, I was very correct about this all hitting me a lot harder after I’d seen the whole show. I am also watching it on viki.com this time and the subtitled translations are already a lot better than the ones on the tencent youtube channel. They flow much more naturally as lines of dialogue (there’s a new set of translated videos popping up, too, that I might check out on my… third viewing… that will probably happen after this one… I really like this story y’all).

Things that stood out to me on this viewing (note: I am going to be spoiling the rest of the story as well when talking about things, including the twists):

Okay, so in the drama, when Wei WuXian is brought back to life, it seems like he definitely does look like himself again from the start —he specifically questions Mo XuanYu’s cousin to see if the Mo family would recognize him and learns that they haven’t seen him without mask or heavy makeup since he left home for a while at thirteen. What I infer from the conversations is that their looks were similar enough that when Mo XuanYu called Wei WuXian’s spirit into his body and the magic reshaped it, his general shape didn’t change enough to be noticeable, plus the family didn’t really look at him much in any case. And Wei WuXian worries that the “Lans of Gusu” might know enough about how he looks to recognize him, even if they aren’t “him”. I mean, obviously the doylist/meta reason is that they hired Xiao Zhan for a reason and they’re gonna have him play the part, but yeah, thinking about it is interesting.

Wei WuXian playing wangxian on the piece of grass: fucked me up so much more now. This show does such an excellent job with this entire romance. The whole way they set up Wei WuXian both wanting and not wanting to see Lan WangJi again is a lovely representation of their push-pull dynamic in the drama as a whole.

Which brings me to how much I love that song. The wangxian love theme is absolutely beautiful, enough that even when they play it like ten times in one of the later episodes, I’m still like “aaaah, so pretty! <3”. The first time we hear it is when Wei Ying has the flashback to Lan Zhan in his Gusu robes when he’s talking to Lan SiZhui and it’s so subtle there but it starts building up the mood of their romance, piece by piece. And WWX is so overcome by the memory that he literally sinks down and sits on his heels.

I also really love Lan Zhan’s theme song, as well. Lan Zhan’s introduction is… a lot. I love that we don’t see his face until it’s WWX seeing his face again, too. And he’s just this floating ethereal being and WWX stares for a long while, transfixed… and then makes fun of the way he’s dressed, with a fond smile. There’s such a good job there of putting in a sense of familiarity and history with how Wei Ying reacts to seeing Lan Zhan again.

The set-up of the sixteen years ago, seeing that moment, and then when we come back to it 30+ episodes later as we see both that there was so much we didn’t know but also that the show didn’t at all ‘cheat’ about the emotions of the scene — the backstory information we get complicates the picture of that day that we start with but doesn’t undermine it.

Wei WuXian also comes back in a much better emotional place? Given the way resentful energy is presented in the drama as a corrupting force, I wonder if part of that is attributable to getting a ‘new start’ in Mo XuanYu’s body — his own original body had been put through so much physical trauma in addition to the emotional trauma. The removal of his golden core. Being thrown down into the burial mounds. Then years of resentful energy being held inside his body and built up over time. Even just getting a chance to wipe that out and start again in a body that hasn’t been through that trauma might be helpful. This fey, trickster Wei WuXian is reminiscent of how we meet him in the flashback.

Though, in the drama (as I understand it, his death happens differently in the novel), another element might be that we did see him reach a moment of peace right before he died — he saved Lan Zhan’s life. He was already able to break out of the stranglehold of his grief and pain long enough to do that before he died, so his mind already started the healing process (but then he died, so it was short-circuited — sort of? Wei Ying does make it clear he was aware of being dead and he even knows how long he’s been dead without anyone telling him). I’m not sure how much of that applies to the novel’s version of WWX, but that’s what I got out of the drama’s version.

I really love Wei Ying’s casual displays of power. Snapping his fingers to freeze Mo XuanYu’s cousin in place… it just comes so naturally to him. He just has this very spontaneous-feel to when he uses magic (is it still called cultivation in this context?) that makes it just part of who he is and it’s very charming.

We see the hints of Nie HuaiSang’s hand behind everything — he paid the storyteller to talk about the YiLing Patriarch for three solid days, probably to influence the timing of Mo XuanYu’s ritual. He makes sure he stays there to see the initial results through — which he does again in the final act of the story. I have much genuine love for Nie HuaiSang tbh. He gets his revenge thoroughly but doesn’t go incredibly overboard the way most of the revenge-based characters do in the series (though he is ruthless about it). He knows his own strengths and weaknesses — he’s not a fighter, but he knows where he can find one. He doesn’t have overweening ambition beyond what he can handle. If his big brother had never been murdered, I get the sense he would have happily stayed a decorative baby brother all his life.

The Lan juniors are the cutest lil beans in creation. I love the contrast between them, because we see that Lan SiZhui is much more polite and formal than Lan JingYi, but he’s also incredibly compassionate and his heart is very much present on his face at all times. He’s respectful but openly kind. The moments when his memory is getting tickled by the way Wei Ying is behaving is also… it means so much after having seeing the drama all the way through once. And I love Lan JingYi for many reasons, but also because I think his (tbh kind of straight-up bratty) attitude implies that the Cloud Recesses have calmed the fuck down a bit about their strictness in the past decade-plus. And he finds Wei Ying’s dramatics amusing for the most part, which is cute.

Lan SiZhui recognizing wangxian — I suspect he’s remembering Wei Ying playing it rather than it being a post-death memory of LWJ playing it, since Lan JingYi doesn’t remember it at all. And because if Lan WangJi played it for anyone after Wei Ying died, then I’m not sure he would have been so certain from the start that the person playing it had to be Wei Ying. Meanwhile, Wei Ying isn’t aware of the full emotional importance of the song to Lan Zhan, and he seems to play it a couple of times as a soothing action (self-soothing here, and then to calm down Wen Ning’s corpse in episode 2)? Likely because it reminds him of being cared for by someone (in this case, of course, Lan Zhan). Wei Ying keeps precious hold of things like this and is very sentimental from what we see, and it makes sense that he associates this song with affection in the same way that he associates lotus root and sparerib soup with affection.

I am… honestly not at all surprised that people (even apart from the Lans) are using all the cool shit that Wei WuXian created even while most of the cultivation world still condemns him. That was the way they behaved when he was alive, too. They wanted his cool shit but judged him for making it.

Wei WuXian standing up for Lan SiZhui and the rest of the juniors when Madame Mo is yelling at them: he’s such a natural defender, tbh (which, of course, ends up being a big part of why he and Jiang Cheng end up at odds because WWX doesn’t limit his caretaking nature to his family but extends it to literally anyone who needs it no matter the cost). He’s nurturing in a careless/teasing way at times but he’s also very protective. And that impulse to jump in to help other people is such a big moral thing that he shares with Lan Zhan.

Okay, so, thoughts on grief as presented in the drama: Lan WangJi is well-known and beloved by the young Lan disciples. His reputation is back to being spotless, because it’s been over a decade since he did anything wrong. so, I don’t think he was publicly still grieving, though I will note that the Lan junior disciples seem relatively open to the idea that the YiLing Patriarch was probably not the worst person ever and it wouldn’t suck if he really weren’t dead after all, kind of reminiscent of MianMian’s daughter talking about how the YiLing Patriarch only goes after bad people (Lan JingYi honestly sounds hilariously excited about the idea that the YiLing Patriarch might still be alive, tbh - what have you been telling these children, Lan Zhan? lol).

So while I don’t get the impression LWJ spent most of those years openly pining, I’m sure the subject of WWX has come up, as he’s still a popular monster-in-the-night for a lot of people, and LWJ probably did defend his memory, in his own quiet but solid way. But I also get the impression overall that LWJ put his deep grief for Wei Ying in the same box as his deep grief over his mother, and he did his duty.

Then, he realizes Wei Ying might be alive and everything changes. I love that they both instinctively think of each other by their given names, too. Even when Wei Ying isn’t sure whether or not he wants to see Lan Zhan, that’s still how he thinks of him first — as Lan Zhan. And Lan Zhan just stares at the sword while it’s giving off those black smoke trails, transfixed, and when he first wonders if Wei Ying is alive and there, it’s just... Peak Romance, y’all. Peak Romance.

It does crack me up that the second Wei Ying gets the chance, he dresses himself in his own colors of black & red and doesn’t stick with Mo XuanYu’s colors. The only effort he puts into his ‘undercover’ disguise is the mask. He deserves a “I don’t think you even tried at all” star tbh.

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#mdzs meta #the untamed | chen qing ling #wangxian #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian | wei ying #lan wangji | lan zhan #long post #text post #cql rewatch

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