#insert jojos battle music

[halscafe]

Your Mate Confronts Your Cruel Vampire Ex (Basically)

[justanordinaryficwriter]

Hello everyone! My name is Izzy, this is a sideblog of blorbosfrommyhead. Here you'll find self insert fanfiction so if that's not your thing I suggest you turn away now. There will be no smut as I'm ace and highly uncomfortable with my fictional others being sexualized. I'll write when the inspiration strikes me so don't expect regular posting.

Characters I'll write for are:

Romantic:

🤚Casim(Aladdin and the king of thieves)

☀️Kars(Jojo's bizarre adventure: Battle Tendency)

💰Lupin(Lupin the third)

⚔Xenk Yendar(Dungeons and dragons:Honor Among Thieves)

🌙Jadeite(Sailor Moon)

🖤Darkling(Grishaverse)

🎲Oogie Boogie(Nightmare before Christmas)

🔥Valtor(Winx Club)

🌟king Magnifico(Wish)

🐶John Wick(John Wick)

🍎Ryuk(Death note)

👨🏻‍💻Izaya Orihara(Durarara)

🌌Starscream(Transformers G1)

💠Gojo Satoru(Jujutsu Kaisen)

🔆Ardeth Bay(Mummy)

🐄Alameda Slim(Home on the range)

Platonic:

💔Jean Pierre Polnareff(Jojo's bizarre adventure: Stardust Crusaders)

🧛‍♂️Alucard(Hellsing)

⚾️Yamcha(Dragon ball series)

Familial:

🥼Nurse Bendy(Moral Orel)

🎪Pomni(The amazing digital circus)

💀Spencer Reid(Criminal minds)

💪🐺🔨 Yuji, Megumi and Nobara(Jujutsu Kaisen)

There will also be reblogs of stuff like writing tips, other people's fics and whatever else catches my attention.

🌙Mari and Jadeite

safeshiptember swap AU prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/727895521231011840?source=share

For dancing and the dreaming-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/728884322206203904/for-dancing-and-the-dreaming?source=share

drabble ask game-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/731354510224752640/or-whichever-you-like?source=share

drabblecember listening to holiday music prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/737213688863457280/eternally-smitten-and-bioexorcizm-drabblecember

JanAUary soulmate AU prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/740386981100568576/eternally-smitten-and-bioexorcizm-janauary-day?source=share

💰Maria and Lupin

safeshiptember fantasy AU prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/727964571479015424?source=share

Alcohol and bandages-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/729706324929150976/patched-up?source=share

Full moon-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/732310078729977856/full-moon?source=share

drabblecember sleeping in prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/736328868030529536/day-10-sleeping-in-the-one?source=share

💔Elizabeth and Polnareff

safeshiptember beach prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/728504179767803904/safeshiptember-day-13-beach-the-one-where-two?source=share

drabblecember decorating prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/735810393473253376/drabblecember-day-3-decorating-the-one-where-two?source=share

Dancing on the blades-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/736842165803761664/dancing-on-the-blades

🤚Anabelle and Casim

safeshiptember moonlight prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/728681005719912448/williameastons-safeshiptember-day-17?source=share

JanAUary Tangled AU prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/740028654159020032/eternally-smitten-and-bioexorcizm-janauary-day?source=share

🖤Ivka and Darkling

Question-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/729065379794747392/waiting-out-a-storm?source=share

Ocean deep-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/731033675025793024/benthic?source=share

🥼Nosy and nurse Bendy

familial September babysitting/childhood prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/729314081764524032/girlyaoiss?source=share

Autumn-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/730128538327465984/autumn?source=share

🧛‍♂️Florence and Alucard

safeshiptember prompt friends-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/729591601533435904/williameastons-safeshiptember-day-tommorow-the?source=share

🎲Inky and Oogie

Bound by darkness-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/730317516924207104/title?source=share

drabble ask game-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/731347449807060992/how-about-for-oogie-raylex?source=share

Halloween-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/732721153829994496/williameaston-safeshiptember-day-27-friends-the?source=share

🔥Thalia and Valtor

Let the flames begin-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/731218712572690433/title?source=share

What haunts us-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/731596812975308800/what-haunts-us?source=share

drabble ask game-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/731622724303208448/for-you-and-valtor?source=share

Adversaries-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/732766470586679296/a-battle?source=share

🎪Marbles and Pomni

Family reunited-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/732029603972038656/family-reunited?source=share

🐶Katie and John

Little dark age-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/732310070964125696/enchant%C3%A9?source=share

🍎Maggie and Ryuk

Hurricane-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/734591848460451840/hurricane

drabblecember cold weather prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/735502227675004928/cold-weather?source=share

JanAUary flowershop/tatoo parlor prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/738409878200221696/eternally-smitten-and-bioexorcizm-janauary-day?source=share

Paint it black-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/742131935604768768/paint-it-black?source=share

☀️Isabel and Kars

I was made for loving you-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/735974251391221760/regrets?source=share

💀Juniper and Spencer

drabblecember movie marathon prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/736573140503871488/eternally-smitten-and-bioexorcizm-drabblecember

👨🏻‍💻Abigail and Izaya

drabblecember being sick prompt-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/736760243789414400/eternally-smitten-and-bioexorcizm-drabblecember

🌌Sarah and Starscream

Home-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/738789853524901888/home?source=share

🌟Estrella and Magnifico

Cost of the crown-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/738849810084495360/cost-of-the-crown-estrella-never-thought-not-even?source=share

🐄Rosie and Slim

Bullseye-https://www.tumblr.com/justanordinaryficwriter/741934506422976512/bullseye?source=share

💗Joanne and Naomi

(masterlist banner by cafekitsune)

[pa-stella]

softly rubbing their nose against the others: a prompt for kuko and jyushi? ❤❤❤

Sorry, anon, this came out shorter than expected and the prompt was just slightly mentioned. I hope you'll like it nonetheless! Title: Memento Fandom: Hypnosis Mic Pairing: Kuuko/Jyushi Prompt: Softly rubbing their nose against the other’s Content: fluff stuff, my favorite Hitoya's pose

“Please, Kuko-san! I want a little keepsake of the beautiful day we had together!”

“Jyushi, you don’t need to beg for something like this.” Kuko raised a single eyebrow and chuckled. “We are talking about purikura…”

The two teammates had spent the entire day around Sakae, window shopping and eating junk food together. After Bad Ass Temple’s loss at the second Division Rap Battle, they both needed some free time to relax and remove any kind of negative energy from them, as Kuko said. The main event of that day would have been a music event near the TV Tower but, since there was still time before that, Jyushi had proposed to stop by a photobooth to take some pictures.

“So you’re cool with it?” He sounded sincerely surprised.

“Yeah, why not? It’s really fun!” Kuko grinned while inserting some coins in the only vacant machine.

Jyushi thanked him a few times as they entered the booth. It was a very basic purikura stall, without props and accessories. Maybe that was the reason why it was still free when they arrived.

“We can show them to Hitoya-san next week during practice…” The visual kei singer suggested. Hitoya had refused to join them for the relaxing day using his job as an excuse, but Kuko knew the man was probably pissed off about his personal defeat against Matenrou’s leader, Jakurai.

“Mh, I think he’ll need more to stop sulking…” The monk sighed.

“What?”

“Nevermind. Shall we start?” 

As minutes passed, the couple kept switching from cute stances to dumb expressions while the automatic camera took their pictures. They even copied one of Hitoya’s iconic poses, pretending to fix an invisible pompadour hairstyle, and agreed to send that pic to him that same evening. 

After one last Jojo pose, they exited the booth and Jyushi started to choose which photos they should keep and decorate. Kuko observed him as he added cat ears to one of their cute portraits. 

When Jyushi perceived the attentive gaze of the other, he blushed a little. “K-Kuko-san, you should add something too…”

“Oh, right… let me see if they have decorations with bats…” He approached the screen, searching for more gloomy stickers.

Jyushi pointed to one in particular and came a little closer to his teammate. “This one, maybe?”

Kuko looked at him, getting distracted once again. He moved without thinking and kissed him on the cheek. Jyushi froze for an instant, but then he turned to smile at the monk. “What are you doing?” He asked while he waited for the pics to be printed.

“Nothing.” Kuko replied with an innocent tone in his voice. He took a glance around them before adding some more coins to the machine.

“Eh? Do you want to take more pictures?”

The monk nodded and showed him a devilish expression. “Yes, but these pictures won’t be for Hitoya-san’s eyes.” 

Jyushi gasped when Kuko grabbed his hand and dragged him back inside the booth. “W-What do you mean?”

Rolling his eyes, the short man pulled him down a little by his gray jacket and they looked at each other’s eyes. “What do you think I mean?” He asked as he started to rub his nose against Jyushi’s. The tender gesture made the teen blush even more.

“But… K-Kuko-san, what if somebody…”

“C’mon, Jyushi. A few kisses, nothing more!” Kuko chuckled and kissed him on the lips. “Didn’t you want a cute memento of this day?”

Jyushi found himself nodding without realizing it.

[lasquadrasfuckhouse]

in a silly goofy mood and here to talk about the highlights of each part of jojo

phantom blood

erina pendleton

it's a fucking retelling of dracula dude

titanic wants what phantom blood has (vampires)

dio is there

honestly i love how speedwagon is the narrator and then the organization founded by him is a constant for the rest of the universe it's like he never stopped being the narrator and i think that's really cool

phantom blood was good you guys just have bad taste

battle tendency

erina is back and this time she's even more terrifying

kars is there

the pillarmen in general tbh

the music absolutely fucks

main character in drag

milf

stardust crusaders

dio is back and even crazier and now also a slut

and all his cronies are there either because he's sexy or because he has money or both

avdol is there

the entire story is basically just 'what happens when a mama boy's mama is threatened'

impeccable group dynamics

the bangles

diamond is unbreakable

ok so picture prince. are u picturing him? now make that an entire artistic concept

the fucking whiplash of a slice of life murder mystery in a weird little town after all the drama and saving-the-world of the previous parts

suddenly an alien who looks like legolas shows up and just becomes friends with the main crew + implied time travel nonsense, both with absolutely no explanation

araki thought 'ok what if.... me, but i was a rude little man' and just plopped in a self-insert twinksona

one of the absolute best parts of the whole series i do not take questions

vento aureo

it's found family with good-hearted gangsters what more could you want

upending an entire underworld that's parasitic to the innocent and remaking it into essentially a force for vigilante justice i LOVE this song

free real estate for all the minor villain fuckers of the world

occasionally makes me hungry

when u come back from spring break and ur not only the don of the mafia but have a nearly incomprehensible supernatural power

stone ocean

jolyne is there

some algae became sentient and now they're a prison lesbian

weather report is also there

anasui is great eye candy

giorno's terrible little brothers

we have collectively become florida man

suddenly everyone is really good at physics????

everything is full of love!!! there is love everywhere!!!!!

dilf

steel ball run

cowboys

in brightly coloured makeup no less

johnny is there

ok so take dio. sexy, sexy dio. but now he's more of a bastard than evil. he's also a dinosaur and also david bowie

we've got a walking spaghetti western who is somehow also a scene queen in the late 1800s

fleetwood mac

jojolion

prince as a concept: revisited

the fruity little sailor outfit hello????

yasuho is there

nobody knows what the fuck is going on. not the audience, not the characters, not araki. no one has known a goddamn thing for the entire decade it was running. and i love that

and of course, the greatest overarching themes: haute couture and flagrant homoeroticism

[finnthewitch]

here's more of my jojo self insert/oc Finn. background is not my work; i yoinked it from the backgrounds in ibisPaint X. in-depth description under the cut

At a Glance

Name: Finn Age: 21 Ethnicity/Nationality: White, American Pronouns: they/them Sexuality: Aro-Ace Eye Color: dark brown Hair Color: dirty blond Occupation: wanderer, traveler, witch, fugitive Stand: Rorthrok Likes: music, wandering, cats, hanging out with their friends, causing mischief, collecting things, talking to ravens, witchcraft, death metal, stormy weather Dislikes: pickles, spicy foods, loud noises, crowds, snobby people, feeling stuck in one place for too long, tomatoes

Appearance

Finn is a young adult with a slender build, standing at about 5'3". They have piercing dark brown eyes and wild messy dirty-blond hair. Most often, their outfit consists of band t-shirts, flannels, baggy black jeans, a dark green oversized parka, and worn hiking boots. They wear a metal ram skull on their belt buckle, and a necklace with the sigil of Baphomet around their neck. Because of their status as a witch, they can often be seen accompanied by ravens and other animals.

Personality

Finn is a mild-mannered and slightly aloof individual, preferring to keep to them self a lot of the time. It takes them a while to warm up to others. However, Finn has shown on numerous occasions to be very kind, generous, and laidback. They have a tendency to act simultaneously like someone much older than them self, and someone much younger. They have the reserve, maturity, and wisdom of someone much older, while retaining the curiosity, playfulness, wonder, and humor of a child. Finn's quiet confidence gives them an air of power, without being overbearing. They don't have to say a word; they show their confidence in the way they carry themself.

Their confidence extends to their love of laughter. Finn laughs very easily, and laughs a lot. They're not afraid to make a fool of themself to make others laugh and feel at ease. They're a total goofball. Their laidback personality, paired with their nonchalance, often makes others feel at ease. They like to encourage and lift up others. When they smile, it's more like a wolf baring its teeth.

A free spirit, Finn is fiercely independent, and values their autonomy and the autonomy of others above all else. Any attempts to violate their autonomy brings forth great anger. Finn is also greatly angered by those who hurt innocents or animals. They are very loyal to their friends.

Due to their gentle and laidback nature, it can be easy to underestimate Finn. But to do so is a mistake. In battle, Finn is ruthless, charging forth with violent, animalistic fury and brutality. They jump into battle with an inhuman snarl, and won't stop their onslaught until the enemy either surrenders or dies.

Finn has a mischievous streak, and loves to rock the boat a bit and knock the high and mighty down a peg. They can often be found poking around abandoned places, trespassing, pranking others, stealing things as a joke, scaring others with their Stand, and doing things to utterly confuse others. Since they're a pagan witch, they often make jokes about using their friends as human sacrifices, and muse about which gods they would go to. They can be quite daring and bold, and do things that make even Josuke and Okuyasu question their sanity.

A person of many hobbies, Finn mostly likes to garden, play music, wander around, collect things, draw, cook, and play video games. Their collections consist of rocks, musical instruments, creepy knick-knacks, plants, weapons such as blades and guns, and books. Their house is surrounded by a massive garden containing any and every flower, herb, fruit, and vegetable you can think of. They also like to make mead, both for their own enjoyment and as offerings to their gods.

Abilities

In addition to wielding a powerful Stand, Finn is well-versed in witchcraft. They can conjure powerful protective wards, are versed in sigils and runes, and can use tarot cards. They have an extensive knowledge of herbs, crystals, and other natural components and their magical correspondences. Finn enchanted a ring that allows them to speak and understand any language, and their Baphomet necklace is enchanted with multiple protection spells. Another ring that they enchanted renders them unnoticeable by others, which allows them to sneak around.

Finn is a master at music. Their house is full of musical instruments, which they can all play, and Finn can sing quite well. They play banjo, accordion, drums, guitar, bass, harmonica, jaw harp, washboard, cello, and fiddle. They're skilled at guttural death growls and screams, and often let those out in the heat of battle. Finn loves to sing and play songs for their friends.

Lore

this is like a summary because the full thing is kinda cringe [skull emoji]

Finn was born in Arizona, and lived with their biological family up until they were 7, when their family was attacked and killed by vampires. They were taken in by two caretakers that turned out to be abusive, so they ran away at the age of 15. They found the Norse faith, and Odin pierced them in the chest with his spear to give them their Stand. Finn lived nomadically around the States for about 5 years, the two caretakers hot on their heels. When the caretakers finally caught up to Finn, Finn killed them with their Stand and snuck onto a boat out of the country.

They arrived in Japan, and wandered the country until they came across Morioh. something in their soul tugged them to this town and they weren't sure why, but they felt that their journey had finally come to its end. They found an abandoned house in the mountains northwest of Morioh and made that their home. They met the Duwang Gang when Okuyasu saw them sleeping up in a tree and thought they were dead. When Okuyasu climbed up and poked them to see if they were alive, Finn awoke, and they talked. Finn explained what they were doing, where they were from, and why they were here. Okuyasu thought Finn was really cool, so he introduced them to the rest of the gang.

"This is Finn. I found them in a tree." - Okuyasu Nijimura

And from then, Finn had found many friends in the bizarre little town of Morioh.

[nijimurakyo]

Please do Kakyoin and Pucci for the ask hcs thingy! (Or Josuke if you don't want to do/have already done one of those two!)

👾 KAKYOIN 🍒

sexuality headcanon: i love self-projecting (plus!!!! i think araki confirmed it idk) so he's bisexual!!!!! :D

gender headcanon: non biney. they've got no binary. insert video game pun here today no gender no nothing

a ship i have with her: ignoring all the other gross fans of it (i am looking AWAY) i rly do think j*takak works in a character foil for each other sorta way, plus it's just funny to me bc I think they fake-date but for real fake

a brotp i have with them: I THINK HIM AND ABDUL GET ALONG LIKE GENUINELY THATS UH *INCOHERENT MUMBLING* FUCKING they often talk abt mythology together and the fact that abdul also had his stand since childhood tells me they'd get along so well (plus that's why he wasn't there for the death 13 arc he'd believe kak plus that baby's a fucking tiyanak) and polnareff too even tho she's so mean to him (bc pol and kaks dynamic reminds me of me and my kuya ^__^)

a notp i have with him: well i don't wanna say any of the ships but y'know. anyone else bc as much as I'm "eh" towards it at least jotaros her age shipping him w anybody else makes me feel so gross

a random headcanon: having met his pinoy relatives (from mom's side) they were convinced hierophant was a dead relative's spirit for a long while guarding him bc pinoy superstition and all, that's why his mom scolds her family for making him think that way bc she hasn't grown out of hierophant. ALSO that's what he discusses with abdul!!!!!

general opinion over them: hugest cc ever oh my GOD the way most people treat him makes me froth at the mouth i only trust certain people about her but he's also another genuinely great character and i feel like even if he could've been used for great potential his final battle with dio wraps up his character nicely so he's played his part well.

🌙 PUCCI ⭐

sexuality headcanon: he's gay. *pointing* fruit (affectionate)

gender headcanon: i like to think of him as a trans man!!!

a ship i have with him: sorry pucci you deserved so much better also i don't ship him w anyone ¯\_( ͠° ͟ʖ °͠ )_/¯

a brotp i have with him: MAN it's gonna sound weird but if he were to get a redemption arc with aus I'd say jolyne, yes it's bc I remember that comic where he says he'll officiate her foo fighters wedding since she can't marry ermes. Yes I'm emotional thinking about him and jotaro too, it's also gonna take a lot of therapy and i don't think they'll ever think of him as great but him and weather...... fuck..

a notp i have with him: EASILY DI///OPUCCI GIRL HELP HE WAS 16 WHEN THEY MET........ i like to think that dios his fucked up roommate and also: pucci being his kids fucked up godfather

a random headcanon: him finding out he could insert random music discs into people to play them like a radio was entirely by accident when he decided to look cool by flinging one at someone like a frisbee only to find out it wasn't a memory or stand disc, he's seen them so much he just mistook it as his stand disc

general opinion over him: hes such a tragic character but also so beautifully written, araki knows to give villains fucked endings but he's one of the few who got a respectful death (choked out by an 11-year old which in comparison, is better than i don't know eternal limbo as a detective, infinite death loop by 15-year old or sent to space never to die EVER), he deserves good things but also he was a priest there had to be some sort of retribution for that (what word was it i forgot)

⚓ JOSUKE 💎

sexuality headcanon: SHES GAY BABEY!!!!!

gender headcanon: trans man who uses she/her!!!! luv the self-projection here

a ship i have with her: COME ON THE JOSUYASU DUOS SO ICONIC THEY LIKE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT!!!!! luv rowdy teenagers in love what can I say :]

a brotp i have with her: listen. listen dude. yukako and her hair buddies and SERIOUSLY when them and okuyasu were having a lunch date during that one episode r*han punches a kid i couldn't stop thinking about their friendship 🥺 also twins au lives in my mind rent-free

a notp i have with her: jos////uhan shippers don't look at me or I'll dropkick you into the nightmare dimension i SWEAR TO GOD YALL DONT KNOW WHAT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOKS LIKE AND IM NOT GONNA POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS REASONS WHY ITS BAD

a random headcanon: she's a gardener ^__^ people think she's the one helping her mom with it but it's the other way around, she's the one who bought the stuff for her and assists in uh. dirt activities!! idk if it's also canon but her mom does know about crazy diamond, she had to tell her dad that josukes ok and to stop worrying

general opinion over her: BABY YOU ARE MY. ANGEEEEEEEEEEEEL!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY best jojo and favorite jojo i *vibrating at the speed of sound * she's so cute and awesome and I love her sm 🥺🥺🥺🥺 the one thing keeping me from wishing j*seph out of existence was her how the fuck the worst jojo produced best jojo i once asked myself, well that's simple it's bc he didn't raise her 😌 girlboss milf tomoko did and that's fucking awesome

[2046]

out of boredom i will now be doing these to track my own cinethoughts as of may 2020

A movie you've seen most times in cinema.

la la land (2016) or shoplifters (2018) from recent memory. i usually don’t rewatch movies in the theater

Your most rewatched movie.

howl’s moving castle (2004)

A movie you quote on a daily basis.

chungking express (1994)

Favorite movie soundtrack.

main theme (the godfather)

he lives in you (the lion king ii)

young & beautiful, bryan ferry ver. (the great gatsby)

run free (spirit: stallion of the cimarron)

the imitation game (the imitation game)

concerning hobbits (the fellowship of the ring)

the wardrobe + the battle (narnia)

the medallion calls + he’s a pirate (potc)

main theme (the shining)

the outside world + outside (perhaps • love)

edelweiss (the sound of music)

main theme (barbie in the 12 dancing princesses)

Top 5 films of your favorite actor and actress.

?? i’ll come back to this

Top 5 performances of your favorite actor and actress.

actress 1: tilda swinton

eva, we need to talk about kevin (2011)

the white witch, narnia (2005)

orlando, orlando (1992)

eve, only lovers left alive (2013)

mason, snowpiercier (2013)

actress 2: keira knightley

elizabeth bennet, pride & prejudice (2005)

elizabeth swann, pirates of the caribbean

joan clarke, the imitation game (2014)

gretta, begin again (2013)

ruth, never let me go (2010)

actor: ?? i’ll come back to this

A movie storyline you wish you had actually lived.

transformers (2007)

only lovers left alive (2013)

nerve (2016)

A movie that reminds you of your mom.

gone with the wind (1939)

A movie that reminds you of your dad.

lord of the rings trilogy

Favorite movies from your childhood.

the sound of music (1965)

narnia: the lion, the witch & the wardrobe (2005)

the mummy (1999)

kung fu hustle (2004)

spirit: stallion of the cimarron (2002)

the lion king (1994)

the lion king ii: simba’s pride (1998)

bridge to terabithia (2007)

dinosaur (2000)

Favorite quote(s).

“i’m not hungry. i want to see a film. goodbye.” (vivre sa vie)

“ugh! as if!” (clueless)

“love you for 10,000 years” (chungking express)

Top 5 favorite female performances.

audrey hepburn, holly golightly (breakfast at tiffany’s)

alicia silverstone, cher horowitz (clueless)

toni collette, annie graham (hereditary)

mia farrow, rosemary woodhouse (rosemary’s baby)

imperrator furiosa (mad max: fury road)

Top 5 favorite male performances.

benedict cumberbatch, alan turing (the imitation game)

jack nicholson, jack torrance (the shining)

joaquin phoenix, arthur fleck/joker (joker)

judd nelson, john bender (the breakfast club)

hayden christensen, anakin skywalker (revenge of the sith)

Favorite year for movies.

1994

Your favorite movies from [insert year].

2017, the year i had moviepass & the most recent year in which hordes of great movies came out...

baby driver

the florida project

land of mine (limited release in u.s. began 2017)

call me by your name

raw (2017 u.s. release)

loving vincent

it

lady bird

phantom thread

the post

the shape of water

the disaster artist

blade runner 2049

dunkirk

thor: ragnarok

wonder

get out

Favorite [insert actor/actress/director] movies?

director: hirokazu koreeda

nobody knows (2004)

shoplifters (2018)

our little sister (2015)

like father, like son (2013)

List all you've seen from [insert actor/actress/director].

actress: scarlett johansson

lost in translation (2003)

the prestige (2006)

iron man 2 (2010)

the avengers (2012)

under the skin (2013)

don jon (2013)

captain america: the winter soldier (2014)

lucy (2014)

avengers: age of ultron (2015)

hail, caesar! (2016)

the jungle book (2016)

captain america: civil war (2016)

ghost in the shell (2017)

avengers: infinity war (2018)

isle of dogs (2018)

avengers: endgame (2019)

marriage story (2019)

jojo rabbit (2019)

An underrated actor.

callum turner

lee pace

paul bettany

An underrated actress.

gemma chan

rose byrne

rachel weisz

An underrated director.

edgar wright

alex garland

An overrated actor.

christian bale

An overrated actress.

constance wu

An overrated director.

woody allen

A film you wish you had seen on the big screen.

mad max: fury road (2015)

A movie you've seen that you think no one else's here will have heard of?

city of life and death (2009)

perhaps love (2005)

Favorite movie characters.

jack sparrow (pirates of the caribbean)

howl jenkins (howl’s moving castle)

holly golightly (breakfast at tiffany’s)

furiosa (mad max: fury road)

john bender (the breakfast club)

cher horowitz (clueless)

david collins (the guest)

legolas (lord of the rings)

A film that was better than the book.

atonement (2007)

Best remake.

the crazies (2010)

Your first favorite actor.

orlando bloom

Your first favorite actress.

keira knightley

Favorite animated film.

howl’s moving castle (2004)

Your most anticipated films.

dune (2020)

peninsula (2020)

Last movie that disappointed you.

the sound of silence (2019)

your name (2016)

Last movie that surpassed your expectations.

doctor sleep (2019)

Share an unpopular film opinion you have.

disney animation films looked better in 2D

Favorite Oscar win/speech.

allison janney, best supporting actress (i, tonya)

Biggest Oscar snub(s).

taraji p. henson, hidden figures

Who do you think is overdue for another nomination/win?

helena bonham carter

How many movies have you seen (rough estimation)?

800

A movie that made you go 'wtf was that'.

suicide squad (2016)

A film that scarred you.

i am legend (2007)

the hills have eyes (2006)

Most movies watched in a single day.

9. yes it was star wars

A film that always makes you cry.

perhaps love (2005)

la la land (2016)

A film that always makes you laugh.

shaolin soccer (2001)

Movies that you think everyone should watch (not necessarily your favorites).

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (2004)

under the skin (2013)

nobody knows (2004)

shaun of the dead (2004)

A movie that took you a couple of viewings to appreciate.

burning (2018)

A book you want to see adapted to the big screen.

the secret history, donna tartt

pachinko, min jin lee

A book you really, really, really don't want to see made into a film.

house of night series

Favorite child performance.

natalie portman (leon: the professional)

yuya yagira (nobody knows)

Favorite pre-code.

freaks (1932)

Favorite silent film.

safety last! (1923)

the artist (2011)

Favorite coming of age film.

the breakfast club (1985)

Favorite superhero film.

the incredibles (2004)

the dark knight (2008)

Best cinematography.

la la land (2016)

the handmaiden (2016)

chungking express (1994)

we need to talk about kevin (2011)

hereditary (2018)

house of flying daggers (2004)

the lighthouse (2019)

Movies you know you should watch, but can't bring yourself to do it?

vertigo (1958)

requiem for a dream (2000)

citizen cane (1941)

8 ½ (1963)

sunset boulevard (1950)

Favorite genres.

drama

fantasy

psychological

war

Least favorite genres.

romcom

Biggest movie pet peeve.

action scenes with a million cuts per second, shaky camera movement, bad lighting

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer: Season 3 Episode 9: The Last 3 of the Super 9 Revealed (Group C Championships Commentary & Final Guesses)

Hello fellow Masked Singer fans! The time has come for the last group, Group C, to end their journey and to announce the last 3 masks moving onto the Super 9, which is next week on April Fools. 

Disclaimer: There will be spoilers so don’t read if you haven’t caught up on the show. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.

Alright having said that, let’s jump into the recap:

So the mask who got eliminated/revealed was (unfortunately but not surprisingly):

*INSERT DRUMROLL HERE*

THE T-REX 

Ok yup I totally saw this coming and I am kind of relieved that she left and the same thing that happened in Group A with Miss Monster didn’t happen again. Honestly, she is very fun and energetic in terms of performance, where she sang Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny) by The Pussycat Dolls. Honestly, this performance was my favorite of hers, but it just wasn’t as vocally sound as the other 3 contestants. 

So, having said that, I knew all along who she is, ever since the first week (and my past posts prove it so ha, you can’t say I am lying), so she is, as I guessed:

*ANOTHER DRUMROLL PLEASE* 

JOJO SIWA 

Ya, I mean duh, I guessed since she sang the first time on that stage and honestly she killed it and I am so happy for her that she got to do something completely out of her comfort zone and she had fun which is all that matters. Anyways, let’s take a look at why it was so obvious with the clues: 

Her coach said “T-Rex subscribes to the idea...” = subscribing is referring to her over 10 million YouTube subscribers 

Boomerangs on the airplane seat= her most famous song “Boomerang” 

Plate of fries, chips, and mozzarella sticks covered in glitter= loves glitter and has a house full of snacks 

Wax lips sinking into a vase of water with toy cannons= the lip sinking is referring to her hosting Lip Sync Battle Shorties with Nick Cannon hence the toy cannons 

Tee-Tee nickname= referring to her name Jojo 

Lego Clue: her & Will Arnett (guest judge) with the word “poodle” = she attended the world premiere of his movie Lego Batman and was wearing poodle shoes. 

Alright so now that we are done with that, let’s talk about the remaining contestants going into the Super 9 which is apparently what everyone wants to compete for all of a sudden but whatever let’s go: 

1. Rhino 

Performance: He sang “Tracks of my Tears” by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles and wow it was beautiful. He is a great vocalist, I am not going to lie. My mom really likes him. Yeah so having said that, he was a bit tricky to get, but I finally got him last week, and I am sticking with it this week especially thanks to CinemaBlend who kills it in the guessing department. 

Ok so my final guess for the Rhino is still... 

BARRY ZITO 

The clues make a lot of sense if you think about it when it comes to why I think it’s him: 

College Roommate talking about how they learned surfing= went to college in Cali and knows how to surf 

3 quarters taped up and an arrow pointing up= changed his pitch from a top angle to a 3 quarter delivery in 2009 

Planet of Mars= Son’s name is Mars 

Missouri highlighted with a crown on a map of US= wife crowned Ms. Missouri 

Lego clue: Robin and him with the number 1000; he said that they were on the same track= both Barry and Robin are on the soundtrack of the film a thousand words 

2. Night Angel 

Performance: She sang Shout! by Isley Brothers and wow I really enjoyed it. It was more fun and playful than her previous performances which were more emotional and deep. It was a different side of her which was refreshing to watch. Also, wow she got an insane range and she really showed how high she could go with the notes in this performance. She is for sure one of the best vocally. 

Ok, so my final guess for Night Angel is still...

KANDI BURRUSS 

Here’s why based on the clues: 

 Night Angel’s friend said that she was chasing dream in high school so missed her prom but still made time for her graduation even if it conflicted with a big career opportunity= instagram she posted a picture of her in her high school graduation saying that she almost missed a performance with Xscape

Rotary Phone off of the dial= that same year of HS graduation she was working on the Off the Hook album 

Aced Astronomy Quiz with moon related questions= her son is named Ace & she was featured in a song “Legs to the Moon”

Lego Clue: Jenny talks a lot about her on her show= Kandi has been on Jenny’s Sirius XM show multiple times

3. Astronaut 

Performance: He sang a song by one of my favorite artists, Shape of You by Ed Sheeran and I kid you not I was talking to someone about the songs I wanted the different masks to perform and this was one of the songs I wanted him to perform so I freaked! I am psychic y’all. Anyways, I love him. He is legit my favorite in the group and one of my favorites overall. I really hope he makes it super far. Having said that, I legit know who he is and knowing what I know makes me realize why I love him so much since he is someone who I adore listening to his music. 

Last but not least, my guess for Astronaut is still (nothing’s gonna change here)...

HUNTER HAYES 

It is so obvious to me, especially with this new set of clues: 

His “bro pilot” spoke in the clue package saying that he tripped and fell on stage in front of everyone= this has happened to Hunter Hayes

Pair of dice with the numbers adding up to 10= his Guinness world record was performing in 10 cities for 24 hours

Cup of coffee= the guy is obsessed with coffee (man after my own heart, I love coffee too), he always drinks it and is pictured next to a cup a lot on Instagram

Wooden Bridge= Born in BroBridge, Tennessee 

Lego Clue: Him and Nichole with the word “mall”= they celebrated a huge birthday together= 2015 Independence Day Concert performed together at the National Mall in DC (Birthday of the US haha) 

Ok, that’s it guys! Thank you for joining me and I will see you guys next week for the ever so infamous Super Nine. Bye y’all! 

[shewasanamericangirl]

kamen rider OOO review

a young man, having dozed off a night on security guard detail, awakens to find an odd red coin engraved with a bird motif. assuming the coin is payment for his work, he goes to change into his civilian clothes and oh fuck there’s a giant hole in the wall.

after a quick police interview revealing that our hero 1. is thoroughly naive and 2. has an unusual fixation with underwear, he puts his clothes on and goes to spend his “payment” in a vending machine and--whoops, dropped the coin under the machine. fortunately, a very strong (and CUTE) young lady is nearby to help lift up the machine...and nearly drops it when they see the monstrous disembodied arm crawling out from beneath! then the arm, who can talk and has a terrible personality, starts giving underwear boy orders. oh yeah, and i totally forgot to mention the opera rendition of “happy birthday” played over a bunch of weird monsters terrorizing civilians as a snappily dressed executive decorates a birthday cake on his office desk.

welcome to the world of kamen rider OOO! (pronounced “ohs”--like cheeri”os”.)

^ oh, the sexual tension.

plot: there’s two other fictional worlds that OOO has brought to mind for me multiple times. the worldbuilding and unique magical elements of OOO combined with a heaping cupful of absurdity and a pinch of homoeroticism reminded me quite a bit of jojo’s bizarre adventure--crazy and ridiculous stuff happens, but it’s built up in such a way that you generally understand enough of what’s going on that it isn’t too confusing. furthermore, the themes of desire, evolution, beginnings, endings, and nihilism bring to mind the dilemmas at play in the shin megami tensei games--many of the platitudes expressed in OOO could’ve easily been quoted from lucifer...and others from smtiv’s white. you’ll want to learn the truths. you’ll want to see what happens next.

characters: despite what ankh may claim, this show is not about him, as evidenced by the fact that its title is not bird greed ankh. he sure is a Character, though. heisei kamen rider is great at giving its viewers morally iffy or outright bastardy characters so unique and interesting that you wind up cheering for as much as if not more than for the heroes, and ankh is a primo example of this.

i love him, but also fuck that guy.

eiji hino definitely fits into the tradition of himbo tokusatsu protagonists. he’s not a complete dumbass so much as he is a pollyanna. like others in said tradition, he’s endearing, and i believe in him. you learn a lot about him over the course of the story, and how you see him closer to the end may surprise you.

the cast is colorful and fun. hina izumi, the super strong girl from earlier, becomes inexorably entwined in this drama of medals and monsters when her beloved older brother shingo winds up possessed. shintaro gotou, a former police officer, now works on behalf of the mysterious kougami foundation with the aim of fighting evil and protecting the innocent--but isn’t so sure how he’s going to do so. akira date, a roguish bad boy doctor and self-professed slave to desire, takes on a very special job to fulfill his goal of earning 100,000,000 yen. more oddballs can be found in service of the kougami foundation as the story continues...

oh, and the greed. or greeed. i’ve seen it both ways. i believe i’ve said a bunch of times before that i like a toku series with good fucking villains--you learn who they are and what drives them, you get how what they’re doing fulfills those goals, and you see how they relate to those around them beyond the customary shit-talking of the heroes. not only that, but the greed are a novel concept with fascinating aesthetics. i greatly enjoyed learning their secrets.

fights: instrumental to every battle is the abilities OOO has access to, which are determined by the medals he has in his possession--ancient coins which act as the DNA of the greed, and grant OOO different animal-themed powers. he equips the cheetah medal, and he can move at great speeds. he equips the hawk medal, and he can see great distances. naturally, such powerful artifacts are in high demand--OOO and the greed are constantly stealing them from each other, meaning what he’s capable of can vary greatly from episode to episode. only being able to switch out different hands is so 1980.

abilities that change again and again throughout the series make for some awesomely unique fights. mix that up with the various greed and the unique monsters they create using the power of human desire--yummies--and the fights don’t get dull.

visuals: the fact that i started watching kamen rider w with @shylax while still watching OOO made me notice something interesting: OOO appears to be the point that neo-heisei kamen rider became the bright shiny lightshow we see today in zi-o. w, while not visually lacking, still has the sort of drab, overcast quality to it that i’ve also noticed in ryuki and decade. i don’t know the technical terms needed to describe this phenomenon more accurately--just that something changed in 2011, and kamen rider really brightened up.

OOO’s suit forms are colorful and bold. many of the characters are associated with color motifs. cous coussier, the eccentric costume cafe that becomes eiji’s base of operations, is constantly switching up its theme and outfits. and as always, toei provides lots of visually striking sets.

music: the unusual opening theme, “anything goes”, will definitely make an impression; i initially found it weird, but damn, it gets me fired up now. strong inserts and moving incidentals are included too. “anything goes”, along with inserts “time judged all” and “reverse re;birth” have their own music videos, the latter two featuring the characters singing.

if you actually read all that, it should come as no surprise that i had a blast watching kamen rider OOO and highly recommend it. kobayashi knocks it out of the goddamn park once again!

as for my next series...i’m looking at a few possibilities. kamen rider 555 is one, as it’s a series @shylax definitely enjoyed. i’m also curious about other yasuko kobayashi series, seeing as they’ve proven great investments of my time so far. i’ve also grown curious about metal hero after seeing the new space sheriff gavan on kyuranger, though i’m at a loss for where i’d start with it. in the meantime, however, i’m going to watch the OOO movies!

[aftermathdb]

DEATH BATTLE Review: Weiss vs. Misturu

Y’know, I had a gag planned when that required Weiss to be introduced after two other RWBY Characters that I don’t think I can do anymore since Weiss got introduced before them. Maybe I can do a deleted scenes thing later…

Two Ice Queens battle for the true reign over the ice castle!

Weiss′s Preview.

The world of Remnant is full of many things that make it famous. From the vicious creatures of Grimm, to the Huntsman and Huntresses that are sworn to fight them, and many many more. But in this world, you’d be hard pressed to find a person who has never heard of the Schnee family.

And like any famous family, these guys are like royalty. And their princess, is Weiss Schnee.

Like many children born to great families, Weiss’ home life wasn’t that fun. Her father had high expectations for her, and she was set to just run the place… Whenever that happens. But, in defiance to her father’s wishes, she got out and joined Beacon Academy, an illustrious school where everyone can learn how to fight monsters. And once she joined a team, she put the ‘W’ in team RWBY.

But Weiss can’t just get by with money. So like most Hunters (Which is what I’m going to be calling them so that I can save some space), Weiss got herself a weapon, which Boomstick nicknamed Merc-Nasty.

This rapier is nearly three feet in length, and, much like nearly every other weapon in the show, it doubles as a gun (insert “it’s also a gun” joke here)!

Myrtenaster comes equipped with a six-slot Dust chamber. And unlike the dust in our world, the Dust in this world is special. Similar to the materia from Final Fantasy or Crystals from Storm Hawks, these all come with their own stats and effects.

Weiss is a fan of combining water and wind to create Ice Dust

But, if you’re going to fight giant shadow monsters, criminals, and godzilla dragons, you’re  going to need way more than just a stick to fight them with.

Think of Semblances as “X-Men” powers. They’re all unique in their own ways. However, Weiss’ Semblance is a bit different. In the sense that instead of it being unique, it’s actually inherited through her family line. Kinda like the mark of the Joestar (Before you ask, no. No Jojo character is up next. I’m upset about it too).

Weiss’ Semblance lets her do all sorts of crazy stuff. From manipulating gravity, to time dilation, to manipulating dust.

But most impressive of all, is the summons, which lets Weiss act like Yuna from FF X and bring out monsters she’s beaten to fight alongside her.  And the most powerful one of all, would be knight, the Arma Gigas… Which means “Giant Armor” in Latin.

But yeah. Weiss’ family is pretty dysfunctional, and kinda abusive at times. Her Colonel Sanders-looking dad up there cut her out of the family line, leaving her piece of shit brother as the sole heir to the company.

But if there are any physical weaknesses Weiss has, it would probably be her durability.

Aura is finite, and takes time to recharge. Sure, you’re basically invincible when you do have it, but when it’s out, you’re out.  And compared to Best Girl Yang (Fight me), Weiss’ durability isn’t that great. And since using her Semblance also burns aura, she’s more likely to run out sooner rather than later.

But Weiss is pretty tough. She once managed to survive a train crash. Judging by the size of the fragmentation, and applying the appropriate mathematics, the amount of force Weiss withstood comes out to be about…

Not good enough?- Then how about the time she knocked over a giant mech that was designed to fight giant leviathan grimm?

Judging by the size of her partner beside her, Weiss’ output of force should come around to about…

And it’s unlikely that Weiss is doing this using only dust. So, by using the water,  we can get an estimate as to how much energy is being used for this attack.

For those of you wondering, this translates to over 230 tons of TNT!

Forget Dust. Weiss could make a killing on giving people renewable power alone.

Weiss might not be the strongest of her team, but with her newfound family, she’s certainly proven that she is far more than just a name. And she’s out to prove that this life is hers.

Misturu′s Preview.

In the early 2000s, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone in Japan who hasn’t heard of the Kirjio group, a global conglomerate that was involved in nearly every aspect of daily life. .

And just like any other major company like this, they had a family. And this princess, was known as Mitsuru Kirijo

One day, Mitsuru’s Grandfather was experimenting with some sort of mental world called “The Mind Place.” Officially known as “The collective unconscious.” Because companies doing shady business deals is apparently something we should expect. When is news going to break out that Disney does have their founder’s head in a jar?

Anyways, the Mind Place connects every living being’s subconscious mind. Things known as “Shadows” lived there.

These things are basically demons. But if you want to see an inner demon, you find a person’s “Shadow Self.”

Surprise surprise, Grandpa Kirijo decided to try and get to the shadows for himself. But, as per usual, summoning demons never works out… Unless you play an Archfiend Deck in Yu-Gi-Oh, in which case, go nuts.

So, everything kinda went to shit because of it, and not only were the shadows released into the world to attack an unsuspecting populace, this tower thing here:

the Tartarus, arose. It’s basically the citadel between worlds. The earth was changed with a new “Dark Hour.” A period of time where everything freezes at Midnight.

Most people don’t really notice though. Time resumes as normal when it’s over, and almost nobody really notices.

Almost.

Some people can keep moving around in this time. Mitsuru is one of them. since she felt bad about her family’s company screwing everyone over, so she decided to fix it.

And while her rapier skills are certainly good, on account that she’s in the fencing club at her school, a small sword like that isn’t exactly enough to take down a bunch of evil shadows… Wait, hang on. Do both of these franchises have Heartless ripoffs?- Moving on, Mitsuru also has various abilities that she can use.

And on top of all of it, she even got a Stand Persona, named Penthesilea, which later grew into Artemisia.

With Artemisia by her side, Mitsuru has a lot of powerful ice spells that she can call upon in battle. So it’s basically a Stand except they don’t have that rule of “Only a Stand can defeat another Stand” thing going for them… Huh, note to self: Have Jotaro and Mitsuru get into an argument about terminology. Also unlike Stands, Personas can be defeated, but they’ll come back after a short time.

Similar to Stands, Personas also kinda reflect damage back to the user. But since it’s more linked to the personality rather than the soul or fighting spirit, it’s more mental stress if anything else.

Artemesia gives Mitsuru all sorts of awesome stuff. Like ice powers that could give Elsa a run for her money. It also grants Mitsuru enhanced strength, speed, and durability. In addition, it also makes her completely immune to the cold and ice-based attacks. I’d ask “Why the fur coat?” But, as we all know, Everyone needs a fur coat (And it’s a pretty nice coat). She can also sense her surroundings via analytical clairvoyance, which makes sneaking up on her pretty hard.

But, like all great heroes, nobody really does it on their own. Mitsuru created the S.E.E.S, or the “Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad.” A group of Persona users that were basically the Teen Titans, if they had Stands instead of superpowers. And, as an added bonus, it’s an after school club, so bonus extra credit!

And you might be thinking “How would one summon a Persona?” Well, since this franchise wasn’t done ripping off Jojo (I looked it up, Stands and the Stand Arrows were introduced about three years prior to Persona 1), they decided to uh… Use the Evoker… Which… Fair warning…

(I think I’ll take the Stand Arrow instead).

The idea behind the Evoker is that it evokes a strong traumatic experience to awaken a person’s Persona, similar to how Mitsuru’s first experience in summoning hers was also traumatic.

To add to the unsettling nature of this, you don’t just have it shot at you. You aim it at your face, and pull the trigger. DEFINITELY taking the Stand Arrow over that.

Anyways, with all that power, Mitsuru’s pulled off some ridiculous stuff.

Here’s an added bonus: One Persona user that could outrun a bullet fired from a Magnum. So it’s reasonable to say that Mitsuru could do this too.

If that last feat wasn’t impressive enough for you, Personas can move even faster. One of them reacted to and caught an arrow within milliseconds. And since Mitsuru defeated this user and Persona in a fight.

But if you’re looking for a durability feat, then look no further, because Mitsuru once survived an explosion.

This one to be exact.

This is easily the longest series of images I’ve had to upload in a row. And isn’t Boomstick a Poultry Scientist?- Why’d he say “I’m a scientist now.”?

Ahem, moving on. Artemisia also once helped out in icing these creepy puppet things:

Now, using the surrounding air and accounting for Nitrogen (As it makes up a good chunk of the air we breathe), we can get some calculations for this feat.

The energy output, after the calculations are done, comes to around…

Okay, forget Weiss supplying people with Power, Mitsuru’s where it’s at. Maybe she could slow down out polar ice caps from melting.

And after ending the Dark Hour and redeeming her family name, Mitsuru continued battling for people everywhere. One shadow at a time.

Not too shabby.

The Battle Itself.

Torrian and Kristina are here for animation, Weiss will be voiced by Kara Eberle and Mitsuru will be voiced by Corey Pettit, music (Winter Sonata) by Therewolf,  and audio by Chris Kokkinos.

So, we just jump right into the middle of the fight. No explanations, no story build-up, no nothing. It’s just like RWBY Volume 4! Ha ha! … Sorry, I, I just, I had to get that in there… God, that was a garbage volume.

So, with swordplay looking to be about even, both sides are basically going to be relying on their other skills for this bout. Y’know, a fencing tournament getting out of hand would have been an interesting story for this fight.

So, a bit of talking later, and the fight just picks up. And it occurs to me that they should have used this as the example fight for why the “FIGHT!” soundbite shouldn’t return. Like, c’mon guys.

Back on the fight, Weiss uses her ice powers to try to give Mitsuru the cold shoulder, but as we’re already aware, that’s not very effective.

And out comes Artemisia, which Weiss manages to parry some of the attacks, and opts to get the hell out of dodge after a quick burst of fire.

The Wasp up there is then sent to fight Mitsuru’s Persona while Weiss opts to fight Mitsuru directly.

But, let’s face it. The Rapier Wasp is a Bug Flying type. So Artemisia takes it down.

And with Weiss distracted, Mitsuru then gives her a kick to the face. That’s the face of someone who was wondering why she was just standing around when there was someone trying to kill you right in front of you.

But Weiss isn’t a fan of being kicked in the face, so she uses her gravity glyphs to make some distance.

And with that distance comes…

The Arma Gigas! Let’s be real, we wanted this fight so that we could see this knight fight Artemisia. After a couple of combos where neither side seems to make any headway, Artemisia then fires some frigid projectiles towards Weiss.

Her Knight, being a gentleman, takes the blow for her.

Weiss charges (with added assistance from her time dilation glyphs) and manages to actually stab Mitsuru.

Unfortunately for her, Mitsuru doesn’t go down that easily. And she uses Artemisia to knock them both down.

Finishing blow in 5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Imperious Queen of Executions indeed.

Verdict + Explanation.

So, to Weiss’ credit, her versatility put up a decent fight. But she was pretty outclassed in other categories aside from speed thanks to time dilation.

But with Mitsuru’s analytical clairvoyance, that speed gap gets a lot smaller. To the point that Mitsuru’s the one that can outpace Weiss. Not that it matters, Artemisia outpaces Weiss a few times over.

Now sure, the time powers seem like an insta-win, right? Well, maybe that would give Weiss a win in some scenarios, but not all of them.

Since Weiss is extra reliant on Ice Dust, and her other Dusts are fairly lacking, Mitsuru didn’t really have to deal with fire at all. Especially since Weiss doesn’t have the best track record with fire (As we’ve seen from that fire geyser from before).

It also doesn’t help that the explosion from earlier is pretty up there in terms of destructive power. Power that isn’t really that low for anything Weiss had to really beat it out.

Using calculation provided by Boomstick (Yes, you read that right), the calculations can be made through the height of the bridge.

This puts the explosive yield to about.

And this is even accounting for the fact that the person setting it off wasn’t even planning on killing Mitsuru too.

Also, remember those big ice structures that each of them made?- Well, comparing them directly, Weiss’ energy output doesn’t come close. Even if one were to cut Mitsuru’s stat in half, on account that she had help for this feat, Weiss falls short. About a hundred times short to be exact.

At the end of the day, Mitsuru had the power, skill, and durability to take Weiss down. Sure Snow White there had versatility, but at the end of it all,

Overall impression.

I heard from a friend of mine (And I  read  it on the Persona Wiki) that Personas can’t really be seen by non-persona users. Whilst this doesn’t really make much of a difference since it was more exciting to see the Arma Gigas directly fighting Artemisia instead of having it flailing around while the Persona just chipped away at it, it would have been nice to have seen this acknowledged.

Also, I kinda had like… Ten jokes that I could have used for my own end quip, but I’ll just post that to my Deviantart account as a list.

Overall, the results are solid, the animation is good, and it feels well-made. Sure, Weiss’ death could have been a bit more brutal (I would have liked to have seen her shattering with the ice), but as far as underwhelming deaths go, this one wasn’t that bad.

6.9/10. It would have been higher, but we didn’t get a “Bites the Dust” reference for Boomstick’s end joke (The song, not the Stand).

Next Time…

MORTAL KOMBAT! DO do do do dodo doot do do doot do doot do do do!

By the Gods I have been wanting to use Johnny Cage for the story. And having another Nintendo rep is always a plus. This… Is gonna be fun!

Is there a fight that you want me to review? - Send an ask/request, and I’ll look into it!

Do you want to read my fanfic based around DEATH BATTLE itself? click here!

Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next time for…

Falcon Punch vs. Nut Punch

[mothmansmilkman]

Big ol Information Sheet About My JJBA Part 5 OC That I Love (AKA I know im the only one who cares about this but i gotta put my self-indulgent shit SOMEWHERE)

TW for weapons, child abuse and endangerment, and other canon-typical Jojo stuff 

Name: Rio (last name unknown)

Stand: White Room

Age: Unknown, but assumed to be 14 (celebrates the day she was discovered after her attempted murder like a birthday)

Height: 5′2″

Favorite Food: Cherry pastries

Favorite Movie: The Little Mermaid

Favorite Band: Nirvana

BACKSTORY

Rio doesn't remember much about her childhood, but she remembers living in a house with a loving mother and father.

Her life was changed one night when she was 4 years old. As her mother layed her in her bed, she told Rio that no matter what she heard downstairs to not scream or go down there.

A terrified Rio heard the sounds of her parents being murdered hours later. As the perpetrator was searching the house, he discovered Rio huddled in her bed. But, instead of killing her along with the rest of her family, he decided to kidnap her.

For years, Rio was kept a slave in that person's house. Only hearing of the outside world through TV, radio, and overhearing conversations between houseguests, she had begun to have fantasies of what the world outside the house must be like.

She would find out on the day she was murdered. In the middle of the night, her kidnapper took Rio to an alley armed with a Stand Arrow. Since a Stand Arrow leaves no visible wound after the act, he assumed that Rio would die and whoever found her body would assume she was a runaway that died from malnutrition or something.

However, Rio awoke hours after having the arrow stabbed into her abdomen. But strangely, the alley she remembered being in had changed into a pink castle. With the small bits of knowledge she had, she just thought to herself "I must be dead. So this must be what heaven looks like..." and went back to sleep. 

Now Here’s Where We Get Self-Insert-y!

I’d like to imagine if Rio would end up in any of the canon Vento Aureo groups, she would be in La Squadra because 

1. I want to see these dudes dealing with a literal child

2. There’s a line in the song White Room��“She was kindness in the hard crowd” and I like when the musical references tie in to the character’s personality. 

At the time of Rio being discovered, I personally headcanon that La Squadra wasn’t fully formed, and the only members being there were Risotto, Sorbet, Gelato, Formaggio, Proscuitto, and Melone. (Illuso, Pesci, and Ghiacchio would be the more recent members) (Sorry if all this is wrong, i havent actually read the manga ;_;)

Anyway, one of the members would be concerned about a pink castle being where a pink castle would not usually be. And they would be more concerned when no one else on the street even payed attention to it, as if it wasn’t there. But, as if the Stand knew someone was there, a door appeared on the castle’s wall. Hesitantly, they opened the door, ready for a battle. 

...instead, they saw a disheveled, malnourished, young girl curled up on the dirty ground. When she opened her eyes and stared up at him, she finally spoke. 

“God? ...how long have I been dead?”

Eventually, the gangster would take Rio to their home and ask for her story. The original plan was to let the child take a bath, have a meal, and then take her to an orphanage. However, certain details made the gangster feel more pity, like how Rio didn’t know enough about her past to remember her own last name or birthday. But, as soon as she described her “death” via a gold arrow, the assassin realized something bigger. 

If someone had access to a Stand Arrow, there was a chance they were part of Passione. It would be dangerous to leave Rio alone. This would eventually (after explaining the situation to Risotto), lead to Rio becoming a resident of the La Squadra safehouse. 

Life With La Squadra

Rio would be hesitant at first to ask La Squadra for anything. Not just because they’re intimidating criminals, but because she was already grateful for everything they had done for her. They saved her life, but also bought her clothes and things a kid would need. They also figured out that she was probably 10 years old. Her only request upon being given permission to live in the safehouse was that she would be taught how to read. 

As time passed, the walls, both mental and physical (White Room’s fault for the physical ones), between Rio and the other members began to fall. She had begun to view every member as a father figure, even referring to them as “Papa [name]”. 

Learning to read also showed the members that Rio was intelligent along with being kind. She had developed a habit of checking out books from the city’s library and copying the text by hand into a notebook as she read it, giving her a copy of her own. While she enjoyed children’s books, she enjoyed non-fiction even more, because it gave her more information about the outside world. 

The other members would actually be happy to take Rio out in public when they weren’t on missions. (Especially Formaggio because hed act like she was his real daughter to try and look like a dilf) It would always be entertaining to go from having an intelligent conversation with a booksmart 10 year old to watching them get excited over ice cream or a big teddy bear. 

Rio’s favorite things to collect would be stuffed animals and warm blankets. Also books, but she copies hers from the library, so she feels no reason to want to buy any. 

Despite being happy and calm most of the time, Rio still has trauma from her past. Certain triggers will suddenly end up with White Room suddenly appearing around Rio, with the memory in question being displayed on the walls for all of the members near her to see. When White Room fades, Rio has usually started crying, and needs a few minutes before she can speak again. 

When Rio eventually started copying medical textbooks, she asked (because no one hid the fact that La Squadra killed people) if they could bring a corpse back so she could dissect a body herself. Sorbet and Gelato would be the only ones to say yes, and actually follow through. 

Rio eventually learns about Christmas. On her first December 25th with the gang, she gives everyone a knife painted in their favorite color. 

Since I headcanon Pesci and Ghiacchio as the youngest of the La Squadra boys, Rio would call them her Big Brothers. 

White Room

The whole time she’s with La Squadra, Rio has been training White Room. Eventually, she learned her stand has 3 abilities:

1. It can create a room.

2. It can manipulate the room. The size, the color, etc. She can even display her own thoughts onto the walls. 

3. If she understands something completely, she can create a copy of it that only exists inside the room. 

Rio realizes she can use her stand for killing was when she was 11. A stranger trying to rob her while she was running an errand alone brought up a fight-or-flight reaction, leading to White Room crushing the attacker as if they were inside a trash compactor. 

When Rio learns that she can copy items that she understands, the first thing she asks is to learn how a gun works. The rest of La Squadra had known she would end up as part of Passione someday, because honestly they couldn’t see her having anywhere else to go, but they were wary of letting her join THEIR part of Passione since there was a very high likelihood of death. However, Rio quickly learned the ins and outs of weapons. She proved herself to be worthy as a member of La Squadra when she completed a mission, killing a man by slitting his throat with a knife created by White Room. At 11 and a half years old (possibly because no one really knows how old she is), she became the youngest official member of Passione at the time (and possibly youngest ever). 

Rio prefers to work with her father figures on missions rather than work alone. Her strategy is to secure the perimeter of the area with White Room, so the target can’t escape and no one else can enter. Then, she waits with a sniper rifle. She wants to have her papas and brothers backs, and act as support in their battles. It makes her feel like she’s returning the support they always gave her. 

How Rio Would End Up In The Events of Vento Aureo

Rio would be 12 years old when Sorbet and Gelato die. As the picture frames were being opened, she would recognize a body part as something she saw in a medical book. 

The realization that it was her Papa Sorbet’s body would click in her mind, but she’d refuse to believe it. As the members of the team place the frames in order, they all start to regret letting Rio be in the same room. 

She later gets the news of Gelato’s death. 

Rio openly weeps at the funeral. This was the first time her heart ever truly felt broken, since she wasn’t old enough when her real parents died to really remember them. It takes Rio a while to start acting like her old self again. Like the rest of La Squadra, she never forgives the Boss for this. Despite feeling anger when Risotto told the gang to just “Forget about Sorbet and Gelato”, she understood that any act of revenge that wasn’t thoroughly planned out would make her or worse, more of her papas and brothers to suffer the same fate. 

AU Where Bucci Gang and La Squadra Team Up Because That’s What I Wish Would’ve Happened (Also i just dont want to write Rio dying like they do in canon)

Seriously tho if Giorno or maybe buccellati would've gone on the shopping trip this au probably wouldve happened

Rio would be 14 at the time Giorno happened and the events of Vento Aureo took place. 

Rio would love having people closer to her age around. I imagine she'd become friends with Narancia and Fugo (because Narancia can have fun and can give her the childhood fun she never had, and Fugo because finally someone with brain cells). I imagine she’d see one of their study sessions one day and just join. 

Tbh Trish and Rio need each other. They need other girls in their lives.

Rio is okay with Mista, but likes Sex Pistols more. Buccellati wishes it wasnt too late for him to adopt her

If the boat scene would still happen in this AU, I think Rio would go with Fugo. It's not that she's scared of fighting the Boss, it's because La Squadra doesn't know if they can handle her dying at such a young age. They tell Fugo that if he's leaving, to take Rio with him in order to track down any possible living relatives (or anyone who could possibly know Rio's true identity)

Before they leave, Rio tells the group to find her again when they come back. She had faith that with their numbers and combined abilities, the 2 gangs could take down whatever was in their path. Sadly, when Giorno reaches out after the events of VA, only a few survived.

Rio would, of course, end up joining Passione again like in Purple Haze Feedback. This last image is a design of an older Rio (maybe age 16-18)

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 97 Rundown

Stone Ocean: We actually get Ermes and Jolyene together pretty quickly with a little field trip to make a search party for escaped inmates which honestly just seems more trouble than it’s worth. Like you’re not offering the inmates any reward for finding the escapees so there’s no point in them actually turning them in, feels like if they’re only going to use five inmates to make a search party you should just use five guards instead and then you wouldn’t even have to use the assumedly expensive exploding wristband named after a song (which is weird, for once the dub keeps the Like a Virgin reference) idk how that works, that doesn’t seem like something that should exist at this time period but then again we had Cyborg Nazis in Part 2 so technology in Jojo is weird. Jolyene did the ‘draw a fly you saw on Dio’s back from Egypt” thing that Joestars sometimes do and saw Whitesnake had a stash of Stand discs in a specific storehouse on the grounds that happens to be where the search party’s going. Before they can get there though the guard they’re with is attacked and they realize they have an extra person, I’mma bet it’s the person that’s on the series promo art cover, but she blows up so that’s… complicated. Jolyene and Ermes fight the underwater plankton thing which I’m relatively certain was stolen from the Plankton’s Family episode of Spongebob and these two really got the hang of ‘anything weird is definitely a Stand’ after like a Stand Battle and a half each way faster than the Stardust Crusaders did since Part 3 was ignoring all warning signs all over the place. Jolyene does some cool shit with unraveling her body (*insert Tokyo Ghoul music here*) and they fuck up the plankton but are still none the wiser about who the Stand user is… I’mma still go with the exploded girl because yeah, at this point we know so this is much less effective.

Inuyasha: More filler, but this time around a solo adventure with Kagome and Kikyo so it’s a neat sort of dynamic. I feel like filler overstates Kagome’s dislike of Kikyo quite a bit like this episode treat Kagome saving Kikyo from a cave that eats priestesses like some big heroic selfless thing when, yeah Kagome’s super awkward around Kikyo but she’d probably still want her to NOT DIE. Like she still wants her to not die here but they kind of treat it like because Inuyasha would be sad rather than Kagome valuing Kikyo’s life, though Kikyo doesn’t value her own being a soul-sucking zombie and all which does create some neat tension for Kikyo to be more self-sacrificing in this exchange. Otherwise it does a neat job of showing Kagome’s badass Queen side where she’s just not going to take Kikyo’s fatalist talk lying down and is gonna keep trying no matter what which is nice to see since sometimes filler makes Kagome more passive. Kikyo and Kagome work together and defeat the demon that’s also a cave somehow and have an interesting little moment where as soon as Kikyo’s back to full power she tries to go back to being a cold bitch but after their little adventure they have an honest talk for the first time and Kikyo acknowledges Kagome as someone strong and special to Inuyasha and it’s nice. Kikyo filler tends to be more quiet and reflective and that’s always an interesting little wrinkle.

Yu Yu Hakusho: So this one’s kind of another in-between fight, we get the buildup for the semifinals complete with a new announcer and a whole new fucking stadium. For some reason as a kid I had it in my head that they only moved stadiums because they basically destroyed the old one with all the fights but apparently this was just the plan all along to move the last three matches into an HR Geiger building. Yusuke and Genkai have a heart to heart about Genkai passing on her powers and ending her usefulness as a fighter and potentially her life, she tells Yusuke he’ll have to kill her to get stronger and Yusuke’s actually grown to like Genkai so he thinks it over for a bit before having the balls to say he’s just gonna wing it against Toguro with a 99.99% chance he’ll be killed instantly. Genkai agrees to do the test on him because she needed someone who would at least entertain murdering her but not actually try it because they can’t be a pussy but they also can’t be someone that will just murder whoever they want to gain power and I think that’s a nice touch. She gives him the test which is basically that scene in One Piece where Zoro takes all of Luffy’s pain and is screaming in agony for hours except I don’t think Yusuke’s gonna say nothing happened after this. The Semifinals start and surprise Team Urameshi is down two fighters, I’ll have to go back and check but I think the first round was the only one where all of their fighters actually fought, like multiple people have been pulling double duty for every fight and still have been kicking ass, like that first fight where they actually had everyone was already like three to one so Yusuke’s team is kind of dominating this tournament even without getting kneecapped before every fight. Further illustrating that point Hiei does a classic ‘sword guy vs muscle guy’ fight and fucking murders the dude from Ultimate Muscle in two seconds. It’s really weird how some demons are like these complex masterminds with a million attacks and some are ‘my name is Mr. Stab and I stab a lot” and they still make it this far, like to be fair every team that the guys that face Yusuke’s team next fact always seem like they suck extra hard to build up the next enemy team but the quality check on the tournament is really strange.

Fate Extra: It’s up to the next video game level which means more bathing exposition with Nero, this time with Rin in the background. (I swear there’s like one shot that shows Rin’s in the bath and then the rest are just zooming in on Nero’s tits, idk what this anime has against Rin fanservice but it’s just all Nero all the time which is fine but still). The enemies this time are Robin Hood and The End from MGS3 which they’re both sneaky snipers so they ambush Nero and Hakumo in the middle of Nero giving him the small part of her backstory that he gets for being a level two friend. They do the whole ‘Servant reveals their basic attacks and has an inconclusive battle to set up the next one’ thing all Fate serieses do before they’re saved by a little girl that I only recognize from one of the high level Craft Essences in FGO. Apparently Little Girl (I can’t remember her name and I’m not looking it up) is a Master that lost her Servant and now is basically a gravetender for all the Masters The End has killed with his old man sniper skills and/or chased them down to the previous level Aka Shinji’s Party Town. We get more shots of Nero with her tits out because she has to have 50% of her screentime being naked, and then little girl tells Hakumo that time is fucked, the video game world is fucked and we’re in Futurama times because it’s the year 3000 or some shit and humanity’s extinct and the only bits left are playing SAO on the moon… I mean I kinda assumed that, like you don’t set up a death game on the moon if everything’s going good on Earth, at the very least I assumed we wouldn’t be seeing any of Earth in this series but apparently humanity’s reached Attack on Titan levels of low population which is bad considering the giant death rings in the sky that want to end the game and fuck up the ten or so humans remaining.

Bakemonogatari: Another pretty good episode on the books here, basically this whole episode is Araragi going over to Suruga’s house (which her room is a literal swimming pool of books for some reason) to go “Hey you know that whole you turning into a gorilla and beating the shit out of me on the train tracks? The fuck was that about?” So Suruga tells him about the backstory we already knew about with her and Hitagi except elaborates that it was more than just a senpai thing, it was an actual full blown lesbian crush and she only backed down when Hitagi threatened her because she’s that much of a simp and didn’t want to go against her wishes even if her wish was to leave her the fuck alone and let her suffer in silence. Basically what I said about her last time where she’s jealous of Araragi for being the one to save Hitagi when she couldn’t, though Hitagi thinks she successfully scared her off so their relationship is kind of in limbo right now. Then she gets possessed by this Monkey’s Paw apparition that isn’t really a Monkey’s Paw but close enough and grants her yandere wishes by transforming her into a Gorilla at night to get rid of anyone in her way of being with Hitagi, though without Suruga’s knowledge as she just goes into a trance. Obviously this is bad so Araragi and Suruga go and book it to Oshino’s to get her de-monkeyed. I really kind of like Suruga and Araragi’s dynamic because she just derails any sort of logic with her lewd nonsense and she’s such an early 2000s internet girl because she’s a super yaoi fangirl and unironically uses the terms seme and uke in public (which is kind of odd given she’s a self-professed lesbian but separation of reality and fiction and all that I guess) and is just down to fuck Araragi if he lets her have Hitagi (which again is weird for a lesbian but she’s pretty goal-oriented so she’s just a strange duck overall) they go back and forth with some fanservice nonsense for a while before getting to Oshino and he tells them how it’s not a monkey’s paw but it basically works the same way because Suruga’s sold her soul to a demon for three wishes, so… oops, I guess.

Sailor Moon Crystal: We start this one off with Luna going “Hey those Sailor Guardian type guys we saw are really suspicious and also Haruka and Michiru that look almost exactly like them are also suspicious” with no sense of irony, like they’re back to back frames on the slideshow and Usagi of all people is the only one who thinks to ask Haruka if he’s a Sailor Guardian and admittedly they do really try to sell the idea that he’s a guy so he can’t be which may have confused some people at first originally but the way the marketing pushes them and just pop culture osmosis I don’t think it’s fooling anyone nowadays, still we do get a nice shot of Haruka in an open dress shirt like we’re not just an inch away from seeing titty so they are trying to throw some curveballs. Also turns out Hotaru the girl Chibi-Usa was into last time is the daughter of the obviously evil scientist dude that runs the academy that’s training Evil Slutty Winx Club girls and is doing obviously evil things that have almost certainly caused Hotaru’s condition with her magical anxiety attacks and shit. We get a little filler bit where it turns out it was Rei’s birthday so everyone goes up to the mountains where she’s doing her super saiyan training and throws her a party. Turns out she was really here to spy on the Mugen Academy mountain trip that was randomly going on five feet from a cabin she has access to, so they do that, Haruka Judo Throws Makoto which basically makes her Worf at this point for how strong she’s supposed to be to get tossed that easily (though to be fair they specify Haruka’s a bit caught off-guard by her skill and she doesn’t know Judo) and they really sell Haruka being a guy because he gives a standard shonen protagonist line of “you gotta be strong to protect yo shit” and stuff. They ambush the Mugen teacher doing the satanic campfire ritual to have people offer their souls to their leader whose name is a combination of titles and numbers so idk where the fuck this guy gets off. Makoto and Rei fight her for a bit but she fire fists them before Sailor Moon does her Sailor Moon thing and Neo Moon Kamehamehas her into oblivion. I feel like if this was a shonen you’d get like one of those and then the next bad guy it just wouldn’t work on because of power scaling but Sailor Moon tends to have her upgraded moon beam just completely nuke all the henchmen for the arc which I guess validates the power progression more but like why do we even have other Sailor Guardians at this point, it’s a weird balance of at least it’s not power crept right away but also there’s legit no reason to not just do that at the start of every fight. Anyway Sailor Uranus pops in to jump from trees long enough to be noticed before running away for no reason and Sailor Moon manages to corner her and they… uhh kiss, sure why not. Like at this point I think we’re supposed to ‘know’ Haruka is Sailor Uranus but I’m never sure what level of intelligence this show assumes we have but Usagi’s definitely concerned about kissing someone other than her seemingly college-aged boyfriend that just has his own penthouse that her parents never seem to mind her and her mini0me staying that night at constantly.

Durararax2: This time around we get Akane’s backstory and it’s basically ten minutes of “Oh Honey, No.” because she doesn’t learn her family is a Yakuza gang until she gets a smartphone and can google it and then immediately runs into the Catfishing King Izaya Orihara, like he loves doing this shit to random runaway girls so when a yakuza heiress falls into his lap you know he’s gotta be enjoying himself. So he convinces her to run away from home and attack Shizuo with a taser because this poor little girl just has the worst luck in the world, like she just wants everyone to be happy but finds out her whole life is a lie and people she thought liked her are really just scared of her and when she finally finds people that seem to like her it’s fucking Izaya and his henchwoman. Shinra brings up to the Yakuza guys that Shizuo definitely wouldn’t have murdered their guys this cleanly and they basically already know that but they still have to find him. Masaomi calls Izaya and is like “the fuck dude you catfished Mikado using my name” and Izaya’s like “Yeah that’s what I do and also you have no proof I did that hilarious thing I totally did” but also makes a good point that instead of calling Mikado to warn him that it wasn’t him, he calls Izaya, his supposed enemy to chew him out for it, meaning Masaomi really is avoiding Mikado for some reason. Izaya confirms they’re basically fucking with Mikado because he’s a pure soul and therefore ripe for corruption, the kind of sacrificial lamb they want to start a war by destroying inside and out. Aoba finds Celty’s threads and wants to track her down meanwhile Celty’s turning her horse into hilarious things to try and keep Akane calm while she guards her and Anri and Mikado end up running off in different directions znd the Russian hitmen split up to follow them and keep tabs on Celty. Varona also muses that Mikado may be another strange party like Celty but that’s something a lot of people say about him and aside from potentially being lowkey psycho we haven’t seen much of that yet.

[johnadamsbignaturals]

an explanation

okay, so a lot of people have been messaging me about the seussical posts i’ve been making, about how i think the cat in the hat is a trickster god and whatnot, but rest assured that i am NOT EXAGGERATING HOW FUCKED UP THIS MUSICAL IS.

for those of you who’ve never heard of Seussical the Musical, it’s basically a mash-up of famous Dr. Seuss stories, which sound harmless enough, right? at least, that’s what i thought when i performed the Jr version a about 5 years ago at my camp. About two months ago, I got some of the songs stuck in my head and decided to look it up, and finally read the original script.

(this has some... well a lot of spoilers, so i guess if you plan on somehow seeing it then you might just want to skip this post)

Let’s just start off with the Whos. Most American children have read Horton Hears a Who at some point, and we’re all familiar with their precarious fate of the Whos’ tiny planet, floating aimlessly on a speck of dust, leaving them vulnerable to crashing, drowning, and any other kind of atrocity that could happen to a minuscule world. However, the Seussical writers decided to add on having the Whos fight the Butter Battle (from the Butter Battle Book, a Cold-War era Seuss story about mutually-assured destruction)

Now, let’s go onto the Cat in the Hat character. HOoooOOOoOOOOo fuckin boy. This guy. This fucker. No words can explain how much I’d like to sock him in the nose.

So, basically, the show starts off with a Boy finding that iconic red and white striped hat on the stage and then thinking Cat into existence. Cat acts as a narrator (as well as inserting himself as certain minor roles), and the Boy had been co-narrating with him until after the Who song, when Cat shoves him into the story, making him Jojo, the mayor’s son.

So now it’s established that the Boy, Cat’s creator, has no power over him, and this is where Cat starts manipulating things. Skip forward a couple scenes, and the planet of Who is in mortal peril. Vlad Vladikoff has just dropped them from mid air and they’re falling to the ground, a hundred miles down. Now, by this point in the show, Jojo and Horton, the main character of the entire show, have met and become friends, so Horton’s is particularly mortified by this. Then, this fucker, this fucking cat jumps on stage, freezes time, and starts singing to a cheerful tune about how lucky the audience is to not be a Who. 

So that happens. Now Horton has to search through thousands upon thousands of clovers to find the Whos, and after a certain amount of time he becomes hopeless. Enter: Mayzie LaBird, who’s sick and tired of having to sit on her egg, and begs Horton to take her place so she can rest for an hour or two. Horton, poor sweet naive Horton, agrees, and Mayzie of course fucks off to Palm Beach, leaving Horton to sit his ass on that egg for nearly a year, through the fall, winter, and spring, and because of this he is unable to continue looking for the Whos.

Suddenly, a group of hunters appear! They surround Horton, and while Gertrude McFuzz (a bird who’s romantically interested in Horton), is nearby, she can’t do anything but watch, because the tail she had grown to impress Horton was now too heavy to fly with. At this terrifying moment, our local trickster cat decides it’s time for a reprise of “How Lucky You Are’, only this time he decides to let the characters themselves sing it, their expressions going from petrified to jolly as they’re unfrozen.

And that’s a wrap for Act 1!

Act two begins with a lovely recount of what’s currently happening in the plot (i.e. everything has gone horribly wrong for everybody)

The hunters capture Horton and ship him overseas where his is auctioned and sold as a circus animal. Horton happens to bump into Mayzie, who refuses to take back the egg. Horton, helpless and heartbroken, reflects on his adventure in the intro to what is honestly the saddest bloody song I’ve ever heard (Solla Sollew).

I mean, just look at these lyrics:

Now it’s time to check back in on Jojo, who had been sent by his parents to military school in hopes to keep his wild Thinks under control. Now that the Whos had lost Horton’s protection, they are without a doubt going to war, and the young cadets at General Genghis Kahn Schmitz’s military academy have been training nonstop for battle. 

.................................

...Jojo blows himself up on a minefield.

Except, wait! He’s not actually dead! He’s just trapped in a horrific seussian nightmare realm filled with creatures called the Hunches. He calls out to Horton, begging for help, to no avail.

And, oh? What’s this? You guessed it- the Cat is the one running the nightmare realm! What a fucking surprise!

I don’t want to get too spoilery (and also I hate typing), so let’s just say that Jojo makes it out of the Nightmare Realm™ by taking control of his Thinks, and finds his way home. Horton is reunited with his clover and the Whos when Gertrude finds him (she had plucked the feathers out of her tail), and everything is wrapping up to be a happy ending when, wouldn’t ya know, THE FUCKING CAT POPS UP GOING “Oh, how touching! but this story’s far from over.” (Jojo also manages to break character for a few seconds be the Boy again and says “Oh, yes it is too! Get me down from this clover!”, which I think is interesting). 

The jungle creatures from the beginning of the play, who had ridiculed Horton for believing that the Whos were real, jump on stage and kidnap Horton, bringing him back to the jungle to be put on trial. 

So, umm???? There was honestly no need for that???? Were they just trying to prove a point or something?????????? I have no idea. 

In any case, let’s skip forward about a scene and a half to the actual ending. Things have wrapped up nicely, with a solution to everyone’s problems. There’s a big dance number, and everything’s a-okay. Then....

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2017 Part 1: woke up late

This time I prepared so I could get to the procrastinating right with the first post! Yay! Let’s get this show on the road.

See also:

• spring anime 2017 part 2: girlfriendship is magic

• spring anime 2017 part 3: comfy and easy to wear

• spring anime 2017 bonus round: things you already knew were good

Alice to Zouroku

So get this, a pretty girl with psychic superweapon powers escapes from a lab she’s been in her whole life and now has to adapt to the real world with the help of a guy she stumbles upon, all while being chased by her superweapon former friends. But in a shocking twist, this is actually better than Elfen Lied! Not being written by someone as brutally incompetent as Lynn Okamoto is a start, but the real change here is that our heroine is less murder machine and more genuinely cute, and more importantly the guy she ends up with is not a harem ringleader dorklord, but a grumpy elderly florist. Yeah, we’re skipping the recent trend of dadfeel anime and diving headfirst into granddad feels (I don’t know if aging otaku are quite old enough to fully self-insert yet, but the same principle applies). It’s a low hanging fruit, but that’s what makes it work; a deliberate, contemplative pace and delightfully whimsical music by TO-MAS also help. So far, so good, were it not for the fact that this is only one aspect of the show. Of course a show like this would have an action half as well, and that one’s pretty garbage. Not only is it directed with zero impact or excitement, it also relies on horrible CG a lot - I really don’t want to be reminded of Hand Shakers this quickly again, thank you very much. Plus, it runs with a Alice in Wonderland metaphor, which is baby’s first literary reference and doesn’t bode well about the intellectual ambitions of the project. So we have one half that’s admittedly effective, but also very predictable and which desperately needs to go somewhere to pay off. The other half just plain sucks and has little chance to improve. I think I’ll give this one a few more chances to sort out its priorities, but it’s definitely not a sure thing.

Busou Shoujo Machiavellianism

A cocky guy walks into a school full of pretty girls with weapons who have managed to sissify all the dudes by forcing them to crossdress. He then proceeds to troll them with his rugged charm. You know, it’s really not that easy to offend me but damn this show is trying. Apart from bottom-tier harem crap setup, this show also looks like ass and is tremendously boring; a few well done action cuts do not in fact excuse “fights” that mostly consist of exposition about special attacks, or terminally uninspired direction. Macchiavellism is the worst of shounen fightmens crossed with the worst of harem LNs, plus some of the worst jokes bad anime comedy can come up with. It’s not even audacious enough in its badness to boggle the mind; I could watch this if I was interested in adding another 1/10 to my MAL, but that’s about all I can appreciate about it.

Frame Arms Girl

Speaking of unholy combinations, here’s Gundam Build Fighters x Rozen Maiden x Strike Witches: A girl stumbles into a sentient mecha musume model kit that spends its time explaining the technical details of model building to her and attracts other model kits that want to fight. It’s an ad for model kits, what do you expect. There’s no characters, the plot is utterly uninteresting, the action’s bad, it looks subpar to bad, and the only high point is how brazenly it reads to you from the manual.

Gin no Guardian

Here’s your latest Chinese webcomic adaptation from your friends at Haoliners Animation League (Shanghai) Inc., whose output has been asymptotically approaching the quality level of a bad Japanese cartoon for years now: Closer than ever, but still not quite there. Maybe they should stop picking bad webcomics with incomprehensible nonsense plots as source material, just sayin’. So this is about a dude who beats up CG zombies in the spirit world but the actual story is how he got there? Or something? It manages to look barely alright and even has some visually striking design work, but its half-length run time prevents it from forming any semblance of coherence and I’m not about to ask for further clarification.

Oushitsu Kyoushi Haine

In a vaguely 18th century Germanic kingdom, a grown ass man with the body of a ten year old and a snarky disposition is hired to become the tutor of an instaharem of fabulous princes. I really don’t get who this is for; obviously the harem is straight out of a PSP otome dating sim, but it’s lacking the obvious self-insert dimwitted main girl, and no, it isn’t gay romance either. Even though it’s a comedy, that aspect does not seem to be played for outright parody. The source material is running in GFantasy, a shounen title (but not one as specifically elementary schooler-focused as Jump, it also carries fujo favorites such as Black Butler). Dubious provenance aside, Haine is moderately funny if nothing else, mainly due to the deadpan reactions of the main character to these ridiculous dreamboats. It just also drags more than a little, with long conversations that aren’t very entertaining all the time. It’s watchable compared to a lot of the stuff out this season, but I remain unconvinced.

Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records

After Macchiavellism already obliterated the battle harem bingo, here’s our next winner. The setup’s more or less the same and in some respects it’s even more formulaic (the school is actually a magic school for magic people, princesses, duels, &c), but Akashic Record is not quite as odious simply by focusing on being a comedy first and foremost and pulling that off at least on a technical level - it has good visual execution and comedic timing. The question is just how much credit you want to give it for that when the jokes themselves still suck, and that’s of course ignoring the entire setup being Light Novel as all fuck. Kinda seems familiar actually, because this is not entirely unlike to what KonoSuba did to the isekai genre, and people keep trying to tell me that that was totally great. Well, go watch this one then, motherfuckers.

Sagrada Reset

But there’s always the other kind of light novel, the one where high schoolers talk about life, people and the world. Think Bakemonogatari or OreGairu. Sagrada Reset wants a slice of that pie and starts by stealing the magical realism conceit from classic™ visual novel Wind ~A Breath of Heart~: There’s a remote town in Japan where everyone has superpowers, but if they leave the town they instantly forget about it. Oops, i guess I just spoiled Wind’s midgame, but I have to since Sagrada Reset puts this stuff right upfront because it has to discuss technicalities (at length) to make its plot work. Yeah, that’s how I like my magical realism, thoroughly explained and conceived by people who should write wikis, not fiction. There’s a girl who can reset time, but only once per arbitrary period of time and also including herself, which means she only finds out she already did it once it doesn’t work again. So that’s pretty useless, except there’s a guy whose superpower is having his memory unaffected by this. They have to work together to solve... some problems, I suppose. This whole idea seems to have potential in a JoJo subplot sort of way, but it’s completely sunk by the way the thing is written, since apparently the writer has never met a human being in his life. It’s entirely made of these pseudo-deep highschool stoner philosophy conversations presented in a lifeless inflection by people who stand around like robots on battery saver mode. This seems to be intentional (at least the term “robot” is thrown around a couple of times, which is certainly ominous), but it also makes for an excruciating and interminable watching experience.

Sakura Quest

Since Sakura Quest was announced, I have been gleefully throwing water on the hype of people who expected this to be the next Shirobako. After all, how likely is it for lightning to strike twice, especially considering Mizushima is not in the director’s seat? Surely it was all just wishful thinking, I want a S2 of Shirobako as much as everyone but I just don’t trust anime. Well consider me fucking told, since apparently among the parties wishing for more Shirobako is P.A. Works, and unlike the anitwitterati they can make it happen. The actual brand name seems to be reserved for a Mizushima project, but I would have no trouble believing that Sakura Quest is a spinoff about Aoi’s sister in the boonies; Shirobako Sunshine, if you will. The initial setup is mirrored here; Yoshino is not a young professional starting her dream job, but a young professional unable to score a dream job (or any job) so she settles for a random one she’s very skeptical of, but will undoubtedly learn to love. Apart from that, well, it’s Shirobako: The positive tone, the large cast of likeable oddballs, the relatable writing about post-highschool problems, and it even looks completely identical. I’ll still be realistic about it: Shirobako isn’t great for what its ideas were, but for how thoroughly it delivered in the long run, and this is by no means guaranteed to also happen with Sakura Reset Quest. For an episode 1 though, it’s like a dream come true, and P.A. are setting themselves up for seasonal double domination with this and Uchouten Kazoku S2.

Souryo to Majiwaru Shikiyoku no Yoru ni

Enough gushing, here’s 5 minutes of porn. Okay, it’s josei porn so there may still be gushing involved if you know what I mean, nyuk nyuk. Er, sorry about that. Sooooo there’s a sexually frustrated woman who meets her school crush who’s now a priest, and then they fuck. With a staff made up mostly of (non-josei, but hey) hentai OVA veterans, there is really only one way this could go. I appreciate the brazenness as usual, but I really don’t know how much steamy harlequin romance tailored to TV broadcast standards I want to watch.

Tsugumomo

I’ve seen some warnings about Tsugumomo based on its source material which is a manga with 1. a very high level of art quality and 2. content that has been described as “makes To-Love Ru Darkness look family friendly”. This may explain why it has not been licensed. It doesn’t explain why this first episode is fairly tame though; sure, it’s very much an ecchi comedy, but you get those from time to time and Tsugumomo is not any more raunchy than what I’m used to seeing (and it accomplishes this even without obvious BD-advert censoring). That incidentally also removes any reason to watch it: The plot is as basic “guy gets magical girlfriend for purposes of fights and/or walking in on her naked in the bath” from 15 years ago as they come, and it’s suspiciously well animated, but not well enough for that to be a selling point. Maybe it will get real skeevy eventually, I won’t be around to find out.

Warau Salesman NEW

Warau Salesman starts strong with ultra cool, Saul Bass-inspired opening credits, but that’s about all it has to offer. It’s based on a “black comedy” manga from the 60s by one of the Doraemon authors, and oh boy can you tell. Not only are the character designs 60s-tastic (so at least the Osomatsu-san fujos can schlick to something while they wait for the S2 of that), but so are the sensibilities: The titular salesman goes around tempting frustrated office workers with doing something moderately irresponsible, such as drinking in your lunch break or spending above your means, and then ruins their life when they actually do it. It’s like Twilight Zone written by your HR department. In the 60s. This stuff would have been outdated even in 1989, when it was animated for the first time – hence the “NEW”. I don’t know, it just seems mean-spirited, obvious and pointless, and most importantly I put the “black comedy” in quotes because in addition to not being very black, it’s not funny in any way, and unlike regular anime comedy I can’t even see what’s supposed to be funny. 

[funkaliciousfrog]

I’ve finished Symphogear! I have a lot of thoughts and mixed feelings and it all ended up pretty long so it’s under the cut. Spoilers for the whole series ofc.

The more stuff I watch, the more I think that maybe straight-up action just isn’t for me. I can still appreciate a good fight scene, and some of my all-time faves are battle shonen like Jojo and Hunter x Hunter. Even so, whenever there’s an extended stretch of straight-up fighting, like a tournament arc or a 3+ episode long boss fight, my eyes tend to kind of glaze over. Action alone is just kinda boring, to keep my interest there’s gotta be something else going on like character development, or clever strategies, or humor, or really anything. 

I think that disdain for pure action is the main reason why I didn’t get as much out of Symphogear as other people seem to have. It's main draws are really 1) hype 2) cool over the top fights and 3) the music (I’ll get to that later), and all the other parts of the show are the bare minimum necessary to keep it from falling apart. This especially showed in seasons 2-4, where the bulk of the episodes followed the same structure: the enemies to show up in the middle and start attacking something, the heroes show up to stop them and we get a ~cool fight~, and then one of the parties retreats. There’s still plot and character progression, but it’s sprinkled in around and in the fights. It’s a very 90s Sailor Moon filler episode vibe for me... which is a little concerning considering that Symphogear has 13 episodes per season and Sailor Moon has 50. 

Some people clearly enjoy these episodes for their cool fights, but they wore on me after a while. It even took me out of the show a bit by reminding me that it owes its existence largely to character song CD sales. By the second season we’ve got 6 main characters who all need at least one new song every season, and only 13 episodes to get them all in. So, it felt like a lot of these fights were just there to get in the obligatory character song of the week so they can slap it on the CD. 

The first season seems to be universally agreed to be the roughest, with dated animation, lots of edge, and bad writing. But, I actually enjoyed it the most. The messy plot and excessive amount of blood and explosions contributed to the show’s wacky over the top tone, even if in a so-bad-it’s-good way at times. Personally I don’t go out of my way to hunt for plot holes, and I can deal with some nonsense if it makes it more fun. And so, I had more fun on season 1′s wacky wild ride than with the more polished but also more formulaic later seasons. 

Another thing I liked more about season 1 was the extra focus on a smaller cast of main characters. Like I mentioned earlier, by season 2 we’ve got 6 characters. So, each one only gets a few of dedicated scenes each, which isn’t really enough time for an actual character arc. And then after Maria’s group joins the heroes in season 3, our 6 main characters have to split time even further with the villains. It doesn’t help that I didn’t care much about most of the villains, with the exceptions of Dr. Ver (although mostly on a meme level since he’s just Sugita set loose in the booth) and the Illuminati (I’m a bit biased there as a Shouta fan but I did genuinely like them). There’s just not time to give meaningful attention to allllll those characters in 13 episodes.

But, in season 1 the main cast is smaller and the final villain only shows up near the end. So, we’re pretty much dealing with just Hibiki, Tsubasa, and Chris (and Miku ig). They all get enough time for a decent character arc, be it Hibiki finding her reason to fight, Tsubasa moving on from Kanade’s death, or Chris learning to play nice with others. As mentioned the writing isn’t the best, for instance even I have to agree that Miku getting angry at Hibiki for hiding literal classified military intel from her was pretty stupid. But, I still enjoyed the main trio’s arcs a lot and they got me more attached to them than any of the characters introduced in later seasons. 

Although I’ve been complaining about the later seasons quite a bit, I do agree with everyone who has commented on how well the writers managed to pick up old plot threads and bits of lore and incorporate them into the current story. They even managed to make Fine’s crazy rant about being in love with God that came out of nowhere at the end of season 1 kinda make sense in XV, which is really quite a feat. 

Now of course I have to talk about the music! My favorite OPs remain the two I already knew before watching the show, Synchrogazer (LISTEN TO MY SONG!) and Metanoia (LIIIIIIIVE!). None of the other OPs or EDs really stuck out to me, but admittedly I have a bad habit of skipping them if I don’t like them immediately. I do plan on eventually going back and giving them another listen to see if any of them grow on me. 

To be honest most of the insert songs didn’t stick with me either. They were all fine enough and worked well in the context of the show, but over time it all starts blending together and they’re just not really something I’d listen to on my own time. The exception would be Tsubasa’s songs, since I always love a mix of pop/rock and traditional Japanese music, and Nana is in her element sounding great. For me no other insert song ever managed to top her first song, Zettou Ame no Habakiri. But I also liked the lyrics for Chris’s songs cause they were funny, Tsubasa and Kanade’s duet from the very first episode, and both of Carol’s songs. 

Speaking of Carol’s songs, Minase Inori really surprised me there. I had checked out some of her own music before, but none of it was really my thing so I kind of forgot about her even though she was clearly a pretty good singer. But, she sounds even better singing in a more dramatic and aggressive style as Carol. Just listen to her performance at the Symphogear live! I think it would be cool if she got a chance to show off those chops and sing some more aggressive songs in her solo career. King Records has done the same transition from cutesy upbeat jpop to hard rock/jpop before with Nana... just saying... (tho like I said I’ve only listened to a few of Minase’s songs, so maybe she does go hardcore at some point idk)

And to wrap things up... that very last scene was kind of BS. What is this vague Legend of Korra nonsense, just admit it! Hibiki and Miku are IN LOVE!!!

[sorayahigashikata]

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