#insert the meme: is that a fucking play about us

[the-archxr]

hi! if you are able to, can i please get a headcanon of our lovely moon boys with a S/O who is a little like steven? the reader is sweet and shy but also chaotic at times and swears/is sarcastic.... a lot. you know? a little mix who is usually sweet though. i haven't seen anything like that, so i would appreciate it. thank you :))

I AM SO SO SORRY THAT THIS IS LATE, I HAVE BEEN SWAMPED WITH SO MUCH LIFE SHIT AND SO MANY ASKS TO GET THROUGH, SO THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT WITH ME.

but yes, here we go.

STEVEN

see the thing that I believe when it comes to Steven, and you kinda explained it perfectly with the personality insert, is that Steven’s not anti-social.

like homeboys shy, and chaotic and all over the fucking place, but he doesn’t want to be by himself. I think he just has a hard time articulating his thoughts to other people without coming across as “too much” or “annoying”.

because steven grant is a sass. king!

I mean when Donna was asking him what he would eat at the steakhouse and he literally deadpans, “idk, Donna. Salad. Bread.” LIKE THE DELIVERY OF THAT LINE IS JUST PURE SASS.

so I think steven being with someone who’s like that—someone who is shy, but won’t hesitate to be sarcastic or make a joke in front of a group of people—is like peak rom-com shit.

like the two of you would just get along so well, because neither of you have to worry about that barrier of “oh no, I need to control myself around other people”.

you would just get each other. I mean that level of understanding is all steven really wants. and the fact that he gets to find that in you? bonus.

MARC

now I think it’s obvious from viewing layla’s character that marc has a type for spit-fires. someone who is their own person, but can keep up with his energy.

but with marc I feel like your vibe would kinda throw him off at first??

like yeah you’re steven’s cute, shy friend (cause at this point y’all haven’t figured it out yet), and that’s fine, there’s nothing else to it.

but one day you’re playing a board game with marc (monopoly, cause no game gets people that riled up other than uno). and on one particular role, where he gets to build hotels on the green spaces, you deadass look him in the eyes and go “when the fuck did you become mr. moneybag?”

and the way in which marc freezes. like instant, automatic shock.

think that meme of the scared hamster: yeah, that’s marc.

but then you’re laughing, giggling all cutesy as you make your next move. and of course you’re laughing at marc’s face because you weren’t serious. you were just joking.

but marc doesn’t know that. and for the longest time marc calls you dr. jekyll because you def scare him.

(but he’s also a little in love with you, so it’s okay)

JAKE

now jake absolutely loves the rougher side of you.

he’s a rougher guy, even rougher than marc so he needs someone who’s a little rough-around-the-edges, too.

and naturally, I feel like jake has the mouth of a sailor (except you don’t know the meaning of any of the words he uses because he only swears in Spanish), so he needs to be with someone who isn’t turned off by swearing.

and so when you’re both driving in his limo, and this motherfucker cuts in front of you guys nearly taking off the bumper, jake goes to scream whatever profanity that’ll first come to mind (because he one thousand percent has severe road rage).

but you cut him to the chase.

and as you sit in the passenger seat, explicitly swearing to yourself at how fucking dumb that guy was, and how you can’t handle this shit today, jake just watches.

because you getting all angry, and then turning to him with the sweetest smile on your face and asking him if he wants to go get milkshakes, is the most amusing thing to him.

and from that moment, whenever he refers to you—whether that’s to others or when he’s just talking to you—he calls you mi fuego.

it’s only until you ask one late night in bed, that he tells you it means “my fire”.

✨the-archxr headcanons✨

[xhdream]

Hey bestie😇 this can be either mtl, or who would prefer with and who without. But, fucking without a condom👀 (not necessarily breeding kink, bc reader can be either on or off birth control etc but just who'd most be into that and who would get turned on by it or be really really into it??) idk if this makes sense lol 🥲

hey, hey <3 i think most if not all of them wouldn’t have any specific preferences, but i do definitely see some members going nuts over the possibility of being inside you without protection, more than others. no pun intended

note: i’m answering this without breeding in mind

༻ mtl to prefer it raw:

most

gunil

jiseok

jooyeon

seungmin

jungsu

junhan

least

gunil & jiseok would go crazy about this, especially if you go on birth control (or not) after you’ve been together for a while and you suddenly ask to do it without a condom. they’d melt at the chance to feel all of you, every single inch and curve without limitations. especially jiseok who loves being as messy as possible. gunil’s adoration comes more from the intimate feeling it gives him; it’s just another reminder that you’re his, you know? hope it makes sense; he can be a little possessive ><

both of them most likely have a thing for cum play which also plays a big part in them being at the top. it’s definitely a big turn on for both of them

jooyeon & seungmin can go either way. they wouldn’t mind the condom at all, they always enjoy themselves to the fullest, and they wouldn’t think of doing it raw if doing it with protection has been your way from the start. i don’t see them necessarily proposing it, but if you happen to suggest it, they would be pretty excited. it would definitely feel like a whole new experience for them, and they’d find themselves thinking about it a lot

jungsu & junhan *insert i’m just happy to be here meme* because these two are the least to have preferences when it comes to this. they’d love it the same with or without, and they’d be pretty neutral about it. actually, i see them preferring to use condoms at the beginning stages of your relationship - no matter if it’s a romantic one or just fwb, - just to be extra safe, but after some time, or after you get in a committed relationship, they’d go with however you prefer

[narcosfandomdiscord]

narcos october prompts

The Narcos Fandom Forever discord server is introducing a month-long challenge, the Narcos October Prompts, which is open to fan creators for both the OG Narcos and Narcos MX TV shows.

Creators of all kinds are encouraged to make all types of fanworks! Fic, art, gifs, vids, and other miscellaneous fanworks are all welcome. 

Each fanwork must be published on the day that corresponds to the prompt. There are two prompts for each day of the month, and you can choose which you prefer.

For example, you can post a fanwork inspired by the Day 7 prompt “Blackout” on October 7. If you create something late, you can publish it on the amnesty day, which is October 30. 

Please use the hashtag #narcoctober to submit your entries, so we can find them and reblog them! 

EDIT: the event is now over. To enjoy the things we've created, peruse masterlist i (days 1-10), masterlist ii (day 11-25), and masterlist iii (day 26-31).

🍰 Prompt List 🍰

October 1 — Day of Firsts

Create a fanwork about a canon character you’ve never written about/used before.

Create a fanwork of an alternate universe you’ve never tried to create before.

October 2 — “Porque No Los Dos?” Day

Create a crossover for the original Narcos show and the Narcos: Mexico show, featuring at least one character for each.

Anything involving polyamory, ex: a fic about somebody who has two or more partners (with their partners’ knowledge and consent, aka not infidelity. That’s a different prompt).

October 3 — Day of Music

Create and post a playlist for fic/wip of yours OR your favorite episode and explain why each song resonates for that fic/wip or episode.

Put your favorite playlist on shuffle and whatever song comes up first, that’s your prompt.

>>> more prompts below the cut

October 4 — Day of Conflict

Anything involving a fistfight or a gunfight.

Quote prompt: “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

October 5 — Day of Visual Art

Visual fanworks: post a screenshot, meme, gif, gifset, video, or other non-fic visual fanwork.

Create a fanwork about a character interacting with a piece of art (e.g. buying decoration for a new home, stealing a piece, hitting on a stranger at a gallery, creating art themselves, etc)

October 6 — Day of International Relations

Write non-English language fic.

Use a random country picker and utilize that country in your work in some way: a character is from that country, a food from that country shows up, there’s international politics, etc. You get two rerolls if you don’t like the first or second country you get. If you get the United States, reroll automatically.

October 7 — Day of Darkness

Make something centered around non-death dark topics (we have a specific death day already). Morally or emotionally dark topics/themes.

One-word prompt: Blackout.

October 8 — Day of Light

A day of pure fluff: anything insanely, unambiguously, self-indulgently, luxuriously enjoyable.

One-word prompt: Sunrise.

October 9 — Day of Gay

Create anything devoted to an LGBTQ+ character. This can be your headcanon, but if you want a canon gay character, Pacho and his boyfriends are canonically gay. Also, one of Pacho’s biker lady criminals is played by a trans actress.

Create anything with a queer and/or trans original character or reader insert.

October 10 — Day of Tough Shit

Write a fic whose exact wordcount is divisible by 500 (500, 1000, 1500, etc).

Make a fanwork in a medium you’ve never used before. If you make GIFs, write something. If you write, draw. Etc. As long as it’s uncharted territory for you!

October 11 — Day of Fun

Create a non-visual, non-fic fanwork: quiz, game, playlist, incorrect quotes.

Create a fanwork with at least one joke in it (that YOU think is funny, fuck everyone else if they don’t think it’s funny lmao).

October 12 — Day of Death

Kill a character who lives in canon.

Create something with a character who is mourning a dying thing rather than a person (their dying relationship, their dying career, their dying city, their dying memories, their dying friendship, their dying dreams, etc etc etc)

October 13 — Day of Life

Create a fanwork in which a character avoids their canonical death.

Create a fanwork about characters having kids (sex to have kids, pregnancy, the birth itself, the kids growing up) or choosing not to have kids. It's a free country (it’s sorta a free country) (it’s sorta kinda a free country) (depends on which country we’re talking about i suppose)

October 14 — Day of Support

Create a review, response, or analysis of a Narcos or Narcos Mexico fic, in the style of an Amazon review or a NYT book review or something like that. Please keep it constructive and positive, no roasts.

Quote prompt: “I got you.”

October 15 — Day of Absolute Filth

Create a smut fanwork that includes three different kinks and/or sex acts (basically you could tag it with at least three tags that are Pure Filth).

Create a fanwork about a character’s moral corruption.

October 16 — Day of Surprises

These prompts were revealed at the start of the day.

Create a fanwork that focuses on dreams, either literal or metaphorical.

Shrimp.

October 17 — Day of Rare Treasures

Create a fanwork about a character that only shows up in one (1) season of the show. the rarer the better honestly

“I laughed and said, Life is easy. What I meant was, Life is easy with you here, and when you leave, it will be hard again.”

October 18 — Day of History

Create a fanwork about characters experiencing, participating in, or witnessing a real life historical event (could have been depicted in canon or not) e.g. moon landing.

Create a fanwork about two exes meeting unexpectedly.

October 19 — Day of Hurt

Create a fanwork about a character so emotionally or physically hurt that they can’t help but start crying even though they don’t want to.

Make a spitework (that is, a fanwork addressing something in canon that pissed you off, whether it was a character or a plot point).

October 20 — Day of Comfort

Create a fanwork about a character getting exactly what they need from someone unexpected.

Create a fanwork inspired by your #1 narcos comfort episode (not necessarily “the best” but rather the episode you rewatch the most often because you love it so much).

October 21 — Day of Women Who Will Step On You For Free

Create a f/f-centric fanwork.

Create a fanwork focused on the character development of a woman from the show.

October 22 — Day of Cross-Fandom Pollination

Create a fanwork that includes at least one Narcos character and at least one character from another fandom.

Create a fanwork with the plot or setting stolen from another fandom (and cite which fandom it is). For example, a daisy jones and the six fic where món is a 60s singer.

October 23 — Day of Threes

Create a fanwork that includes three items you can currently see.

Create a fanwork including three canon characters. extra difficult version: three canon characters that have never met.

October 24 — Day of Monsters

Create a fanwork about a character turning into a supernatural creature.

Quote prompt: “The world isn’t made up of heroes and monsters. Just broken people balancing between the two.”

October 25 — Day of Wow, That Escalated Quickly

Create a fanwork that begins in a canon-compatible place, but ends up going somewhere more dramatic.

Quote prompt: “It’s surprising how much can change in just one hour.”

October 26 — Day of Echoes

Pick a quote from the show that you love and use it as inspiration for your fanwork. Then share what the quote is at the end of your post.

Create a fanwork inspired by any mythological story (Greek, Norse, Aztec, Celtic, etc. get weird with it. Bible counts as mythology, fuck it)

October 27 — People of Color Day

Create a fanwork about an original character or reader character who is explicitly a person of color.

Create a fanwork about a canon character of color (e.g. Truijllo, Enrique, Kiki, Rafa, Azul).

October 28 — Day of Friendship

Create a fanwork inspired by somebody else’s fanwork, or including a cameo of somebody else’s original character (fanvids, fanart, moodboard, etc included — just please ask for permission from the original creator to use inspo before you do it!)

Quote prompt: “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

October 29 — Day of Horror

Create a fanwork inspired by your favorite horror movie.

Prompt: came back wrong.

October 30 — (penultimate day, October 30) Day of Amnesty

Post a fanwork you started for any previous prompt but weren’t able to finish in time.

Quote prompt: “I forgive you.”

October 31 — (final day, October 31) Day of Legacy

Create a sequel or counterpart to a fanwork you posted previously this month.

Quote prompt: “This is [my/your/their] legacy.”

November 1 — Bonus — Day of Celebration

reblog a fanwork that is your favorite creation that you made in the month

[theprogrockbstheorist]

HAPPY 70th BIRTHDAY GEDDY!!!!

(meme credit to u/rtphokie on reddit)

OH, AND WHAT’S THAT?!?! IT’S ALSO THE 49th ANNIVERSARY OF NEIL PEART JOINING RUSH?!?!

In order to celebrate these wondrous occasions, I have compiled 70 reasons why I love Rush (especially Geddy):

70. They don't have any unlistenable albums. I can put on any Rush album and at the very least enjoy it, which is saying a lot!

69. ANDDDD they have 19 studio albums!!! 167 songs!!!

68. Alex's iconic Hall of Fame induction speech.

67. The movie I Love You, Man. The main plot of that is just two guys geeking out about Rush and then going to see them in concert.

66. The Bb5 in "Cygnus X-1 Book 1: The Voyage". For the record, the other famous Bb5 sung by a male singer in rock is the high note in "Bohemian Rhapsody", sung by Roger Taylor.

65. Geddy's range in general. Say what you will about his voice, but he had range.

64. Their pre-concert videos.

63. "Hey baby it's 7:45 and I need to go to bed soon, let's fuck"- In the Mood. The debut album was something else, man.

62. They wrote songs during soundcheck when they were on tour. This includes songs like "Tom Sawyer" and "Chemistry".

61. They went to a Yes concert while recording Caress of Steel, and almost quit making the album. I, for one, am very glad they didn't!

60. The "rap" in "Roll the Bones". Sit back, relax, get busy with the facts...

59. Gene Simmons thought they weren't into women because they didn't want to party with KISS. True story!

58. They listed their baseball positions in the liner notes for Signals.

57. Neil wrote lyrics to a song using only anagrams. The song is called "Anagram (For Mongo)", and is on the album Presto.

56. They thanked themselves in the liner notes for Hemispheres. Listed as Dirk, Lerxst, and Pratt, ofc!

55. They would challenge themselves to write last-minute songs. Results of this experiment include "Hand Over Fist" from Presto, and "Malignant Narcissism" from Snakes and Arrows.

54. The mere existence of "A Passage to Bangkok". I wonder what their thought process was to put a song about smoking weed around the world after a 20-minute long dystopian prog rock epic...

53. "La Villa Strangiato". Just... everything about it.

52. The kimonos. You know the ones!

51. Their nicknames for each other!! (see above)

50. They had the second-longest stable line up in rock music! The only ones with a longer stable line up was ZZ Top.

49. They had a 40-year career! Even longer if you include pre-Neil and their adventures since the R40 tour.

48. The synth era. I unapologetically love 80s Rush, especially Grace Under Pressure and Power Windows.

47. "The Necromancer" basically being self-insert Tolkien fanfic. I wonder who the "three travelers" are supposed to be... OH WAIT!

46. They're giant nerds. All prog bands are, but they are especially nerdy.

45. Hugh Syme's awesome album covers. He did every single one from Caress of Steel onwards, barring the front cover for Snakes and Arrows.

44. The 7/8 section in "Tom Sawyer". That was my first intermediate bass line! Thanks, Geddy!

43. They're Canadian icons. Unironically, they're the first thing that comes to mind when someone mentions "Canada" to me.

42. The horribly cheesy, terrible, but also really funny music video for "Time Stand Still". That song, btw, might be my favorite 80s Rush song, and is probably in my Top 5.

41. The triple-entendre pun of Moving Pictures. They're filming a movie (moving picture) of people moving paintings (moving pictures), while someone is getting moved by the scene (moving...pictures...).

40. They quote the 1812 Overture in the overture for "2112".

39. Geddy taught Les Claypool how to properly play "YYZ".

38. The Permanent Waves era glasses!

37. The opening of "Xanadu".

36. The weird stuff Geddy would have on his side of stage after he stopped using amps. This includes rotisserie chickens, washing machines, dryers, and popcorn machines.

35. "Music by Lee and Lifeson, Lyrics by Peart" on almost every single Rush song.

34. The ending of "Spirit of Radio". OF SALESMEN!!!

33. Their inside jokes. Example: The Bag.

32. They took French classes together, and began announcing their songs in French in Quebec.

31. The progressiveness of Counterparts. What other 40-year old rockstars were talking about healthy relationship boundaries and openly supporting gay people in 1993?

30. Their vaults are practically empty because they scrapped songs that weren't up to their standards. This is why we have no sub-par Rush material!

29. Choosing to end their careers with grace.

28. Ending the last show of their career with "Working Man", the song that got everything started.

27. "Dreamline"--"Learning that we're only immortal / For a limited time".

26. Geddy and Alex inducting Yes into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2017.

25. Then, of course, Geddy playing "Roundabout" with Yes during their induction! (Unfortunately, he did not play his Rickenbacker :( )

24. No decisions were made regarding the band without it being unanimous.

23. "Closer to the Heart". To me, that song is like a musical representation of their friendship, and it always leaves me with a warm, fuzzy feeling after listening to it.

22. Neil's books. Ghost Rider, in particular helped me get through a rough time earlier this year.

21. Geddy's Big Beautiful Book of Bass. I love that thing, and I am looking forward to his memoir in November!!!

20. That incredible Rickenbacker. I know it hasn't been his main bass since the early 80s but...

19. All their other creative projects. Geddy and Alex have a solo album each, Alex is involved with Envy of None rn, and Neil had his blog.

18. All their other stage interactions.

17. "ATTENTION ALL PLANETS OF THE SOLAR FEDERATION! WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL!" -"2112". Just... all of "2112".

16. They got me into prog. I wouldn't have this blog right now if it weren't for Rush.

15. The Lifeson chord. The F#7add11 voicing that you can hear in so many of their songs (it's the opening to "Cygnus X-1 Book II: Hemispheres").

14. Neil's drumming. They call him The Professor for a reason!

13. Geddy's bass playing. And his singing. And playing keys. And... yeah, we would be here all day!

12. The Dinner with Rush video. I make daily references to this that no one notices...

11. "The measure of a life / is a measure of love and respect"- "The Garden". The final song on their final album, and possibly the most amazing closer of all time.

10. Their charity work. IIRC, this includes giving away the aforementioned rotisserie chickens, as well as various fundraisers.

9. Their constant strive to improve themselves. Including Geddy working with a vocal coach, Neil working with Freddie Gruber, and of course, disavowing that Ayn Rand shit.

8. They give me something to strive towards, both as a musician and as a person. If I could make records half as good as Rush, and handle the fame with half the grace that they did, I would consider myself well-accomplished.

7. Neil's lyrics inspired me to get back into writing.

6. They inspired me to become a musician, and to pursue a career in music. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have stayed in choir or picked up bass, and I would've never considered a career in audio technology.

5. Their music helped me bond with my dad.

4. Geddy talking about his family's story of survival during the Holocaust. I think that's really important to talk about.

3. Other Rush fans. Well, okay, some of them like to brag about how many concerts they've been to, or tend to be a little gate-keep, but most of them are really chill people.

2. Their music helped me get through the toughest times in my life. Without getting too personal, I even credit them with saving my life on multiple occasions.

However, what I admire about Rush, above all else...

1. Their friendship with each other.

Once again, happy birthday Geddy! Your music has inspired me in so many ways, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it.

[bitwynn]

I have never watched yugioh but ive gained enough knowledge from pop culture osmosis to bullshit something out so-- SAGAU but the reader is a huge Yugioh/trading card game nerd

Even though the skills theyve learned from playing Yugioh and other such TCGs dont precisely translate, their skills in building a deck is UNMATCHED. And their skill in execution of their deck is also insane.

I remember that when i was watching a Drawfee stream or vid or something, Karina, Drawfees resident anime and Yugioh expert kept talking about these builds and decks of cards that would instantly just one shot literally anyone and everyone and i can see it so much. I imagine that before they get isekaied into genshin, they play a lot of rounds of matches against the cpu and the characters all around but thanks to their deck building, everyone is just decimated to the point that the only time they ever co-op in genshin is to either visit friends, farm for materials, or play Genius

I also imagine that they make just-- these INSANE meme decks that SOMEHOW FUCKING WORK?? Like Pokemon deck where you constantly spawn summons like Oz, Gouba, the fUCKING WATER SHITS FROM OCEANID, and so on.

Ofc, they still play the main game but they have spent... a LITTLE too much time playing Genius.

Okay onto the SAGAU part.

Since the world of Teyvat doesn't take card games and the like as seriously as we do (i mean cmon-- theres been news of certain cards and decks being banned in Magic: The Gathering tournaments and Yugioh tournaments with tons of security for calming down raging dedicated card game players for both events), i feel like its gonna HIT THEM LIKE A BRICK how utterly outclassed they are when they play against them.

Because theyre expecting like "oh, the Overseer/Creator/(insert whatever you wanna call urself here) is inviting me to a simple game of cards! This shall be a pleasant and calm afternoon in the Cat's Tail with them!! :))" but then in reality, you just called them over to see how good the "ai" is and to increase the diversity of your cards so you can make more decks. Meaning, they proceed to systematically destroy each and every character, POSSIBLY EVEN with a deck personalized to beating that characters deck into the ground. Card game culture is different here and there AHAHA

God i imagine that, since apparently Cyno is the best player of TCG, after losing you might just get so many pings of Cyno wanting a rematch. Or like, as your reputation in the game circles grows, he might just sneak into Cat's Tail and sit in on one of your matches to see what hes dealing with. Let me tell you, he is going to be stunned and is probably trying to formulate his deck against whatever deck you had on hand that round. And then he peeks into Cat's Tail again and HAH lol, diff deck for diff person. And he just starts making another fUCKING DECK--

When yall finally face off, its literally just This scene. Cyno still loses by a landslide but you had to get a little serious there.

God when you finally get isekaied, have fun integrating our worlds card game culture into theirs AHAHA-- also Cyno Will Be Asking For Rematches Everyday. Have fun making cringey Yugioh and card game references with him AHAHA

I know jack shit abt Yugioh and i used to play some TCGs but that was a long time ago, so if youre actually much more well versed in the subject-- FEEL FREE TO TAKE MY IDEA AND RUN AHAHAHA

[agustdiv1ne]

here are my thoughts about each song that absolutely nobody asked for but i don't care 🤣

ok GROWING PAINS??? THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN I'M FALLING TO MY KNEES I'M WAILING BC THIS SONG IS EVERYTHING TO ME. i loveee rock music and this is also reminds me a little of what i used to listen to when i was in the deepest trenches of my middle school emo phase (and continue to listen to bc my emo phase never truly left me),, THE GROWL. BEOMGYU FUCKING GROWLED. ME WHEN. ME WHEN. ME WHEN. *INSERT WEREWOLF MEME* i am just. obsessed. absolutely Obsessed. ALSO YEONJUN'S HIGH NOTE????? ACTUALLY FUCK OFF I'M ON THE FLOOR

chasing that feeling is very 80s new wave and it is Everything to me. i could go over everything in the mv but i'm j gonna focus on the song for now. i love the route they took for the tt, it's very like. dreamy? to me?? and laid back and yet it sounds like it would be part of some action movie????? like hero training scene montage and BOOM CHASING THAT FEEEEELINGGG in the background idk...the synths are making me ascend i swear to whatever is above whoever added those synths in the instrumental deserves the best fucking head of their lives. beomgyu opening fairy, bro always makes sure to EAT THAT OPENING BROOO I LOVE HIM. AND THEN TYUN HIGH NOTE WOOOOOOOOO that Healed me...and hyuka's "come and kiss me" YEAH. YEAHHHH. can u tell i'm obsessed w this tt yet???? i need it tattooed onto my ear drums right now

DREAMER MF DREAMERRRR BROOOOOOOOOO i've been waiting for an rnb song like this from them since 20cm i fucking swear. and this just. BLEW ME OUT OF THE WATER,, their falsettos are so mf pretty esp soobin's like his voice was just made for this song bro. i swear. and then we got beomgyu's falsetto too?????? wow. wowowowow. i need more rn. AND THEN YEONJUN BROO CAME IN W THE "LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU" AND I'M DYING. LIKE ACTUALLY DYING PLS DO NOT RESUSCITATE

ahahaha deep down is like. so chill and i loveee the beat omfg. like this is a song that i am going to play when i go on late night car rides, bass boosted n everything bc the beat. the BEAT. i need it injected into my veins immediately,, def not like. my fav off this album but i still enjoyed it ^^

ok happily ever after has me in a chokehold rn. i'm being so serious. it's so fun and catchy it's like a little earworm that i can't get out of my head!!!! it makes me wanna dance and sing and AHHHHH. the beginning "oh ma gawd" that was so cute...def my pick me up song bc it's so cute n fun n i definitely didn't expect to like it as much as i do <3 the power of txt <3333 LIFE IS NOT A FAIRYTALE!!!! also soobin's falsetto got me again i'm ascending yet again my friends...i feel like this song is encapsulated by the ✨️ emoji pls don't ask me to elaborate.

SKIPPING STONES. MY ABSOLUTE FAV OFF THIS ALBUM. THERE IS NO COMPETITION I FEAR.....it's very reminiscent of music i'd listen to while growing up esp the songs my dad would share with me...idk why but that connection just makes this song so much more special to me. also sounds kinda like a day6 song and as someone who loves day6 i needed this!! i love the rock influences so fucking much guys i am so obsessed with this song,,,, i need more songs like this immediately. asap. ALSO hyuka's high note. guys. guys. what the fuck. he is such a talented man i cannot rn

as if i could forget about blue spring — when i told u i started crying??? yeah, i started crying right when it started playing. i love them so fucking much u don't understand 😭😭😭 idk why they autotuned my men like that towards the end tho,, but yeah. this will be my official crying song for the foreseeable future 😁

and then. chasing that feeling english version??? hello????? i typically don't enjoy english versions too much but this one is so good omg. i def like the og more but i did enjoy it and it was a nice lil surprise!!!!

i could keep writing more but i will leave it at that. i'm sorry if u read this far u deserve financial compensation for being so strong

[lily-orchard]

Given your dislike of BG3 and preference for the previous games, how would you rework BG3 to be better?

COMBAT

Round Based Combat (Turn based combat playing in real time on a 6 second rhythm)

The cursor will now snap to an enemy's hitbox.

Class Kits have been re-implemented

Mages get access to Horrid Wilting because what even is the fucking point of playing a Mage otherwise?

Larian has been sent to Sunday School to repent for their wicked and sinful fetish for surface effects, explosions and arson.

Boss mechanics are about positioning and reactivity, rather than finding the one button in the room that wins the fight for you

Cantrips are now called Innate Abilities and can be cast within a round independently of regular spells and actions, creating a higher skill ceiling of weaving them between regular spells and attacks.

NON COMBAT GAMEPLAY

Dice rolls have been removed from 80% of dialogue. The game now rolls the relevant skills behind the scenes when dialogue options appear and if you succeed, that skill's dialogue option is available. If you don't have the relevant skill but a party member does, this still works only choosing the dialogue involves asking for their input. Ideally this should only fail if nobody in the party has that skill, or you haven't levelled up at all.

The Dice Roll animation now runs three times faster and most of the drawn out animation of all the bonuses and penalties has been removed.

Thieves will re-roll a perception check every round. If you fail a perception check, put a thief in the party and wait until they finally find it (just like BG1 and 2 does, that's another thing Larian changed for some reason)

Multi-Class characters will have their classes level up independently rather than choosing which class to level each time.

Mind Flayer abilities no longer require inserting more tadpoles. Once the tadpole is inserted, the tadpole levels up as its own unique class with your others as it roots itself into more of your brain. It was always strange that removing the tadpoles is the primary motivation and then it gives you four more and says "put that in your eye."

COMPANIONS

Your first companion is not a complete stranger

Your first full party is not entirely composed of absolute cunts

Companions are no longer acquired as rapidly and are spread out among Act 1 and 2.

Shadowheart is now a Fighter/Cleric. Her Wisdom is increased to 18 and her Strength and Constitution are increased to 16.

Wyll is now a Rogue/Warlock. His Charisma is increased to 18, his Strength to 13 and his Dexterity to 16.

Karlach is now a Berserker. Her Strength has been increased to 18 and her Constitution has been increased to 17.

Jaheira has been returned to a Fighter/Druid. Her Strength and Wisdom have been increased to 18.

Jaheira and Minsc are so old that their equipment is itemized using Second Edition rules and as a result is unusable by the other party members. Fuck you that's funny.

Jim Cummings has been restored as Minsc's voice actor, because the decision to recast the meme character with the meme actor of the week was always a bone-headedly stupid decision.

Companions have a wider array of stories than "abuse victim."

Halsin and Shadowheart are now only romancable by male characters.

Astarion and Minthara are now only romanceable by female characters.

Lae'zel and Gale are no longer romanecable.

Karlach, and Wyll remain bisexual.

Romanced Ascended Astarion will now completely end your relationship, claiming you have outlived your usefulness. Because apparently some people were too busy listening to Niel Newbon doing his best Seth MacFarlane impression to actually get the message.

Shadowheart's story no longer involves Viconia de'Vir.

Gale's story no longer involves him being Mystra's side piece at Level 1

Astarion's personality is no longer a blatant copy of Anomen Delryn

Astarion's story is no longer a blatant copy of Anomen, Keldorn, Aerie, Imoen, Dynaheir and Hexxat.

STORY

The game will now allow you to import old Infinity Engine save files. The only notable effect is that any mention of "Gorion's Ward" in text will now use the Ward's name, pronouns and race from the save file imported.

The Narrator can be disabled.

Origin Characters have been removed. Larian's characters suffer greatly from having to fit into this concept.

Dark Urge has been removed and moved to its own separate series of games called "Baldur's Gate" "Siege of Dragonspear" "Shadows of Amn" and "Throne of Bhaal." They will all be made available on Steam immediately.

Tav has a personal motivation for getting involved in the story, rather than being shepherded through the story by everyone else.

A level 1 character does not start the game on an exploding Michael Bay ship. Seriously Larian, what the fuck?

The Mind Flayer tadpoles are inserted into Tav at the end of Act 1 instead of the prologue as a consequence of getting involved in all this "True Soul" malarkey.

Tav is now the only one infected by the Mind Flayers deliberately. Over the course of Act 2, the others will be infected due to their proximity. Companions now get involved with each other for mutual advantage and companionship instead of "lol same brainworm."

Sarevok Anchev and the Conspicuous Consanguinity Conspiracy has been removed from the game. Like seriously Larian what in the actual fuck?

Bhaal and his children are no longer present in the story. The only mention of any active Bhaalspawn will be a footnote in a journal and only if you imported a save from Throne of Bhaal where Gorion's Ward was a long-lived race that chose to remain Mortal, as that is the only possible way for any Bhaalspawn to still be alive. They still won't be involved in the story owing to being banished from Baldur's Gate during the events of Siege of Dragonspear.

[msperfectsheep-posts]

Ask Meme

I was tagged by @rosencrantzsguildenstern for this ask meme, so why not!

Do you make your bed?

Uhhhh well. Sort of. I definitely make it any time I expect I'm going to have company, but on a weekday when I'm the only one in my dorm room? Nah. I didn't make it when I had a roommate either unless I thought she was going to have company (but she never warned me in advance for that so LMAO)

What's your favorite number?

I'm a lucky 7 kind of gal, but I also really jive with 36 and 81. My factors of 9 <3 <3 <3 If I have to pick one, it's always going to be 7 though

What is your job?

Right now, I work for the US Department of Agriculture! I've worked some other random jobs though, such as a waitress at a high-end retirement home and an assistant at a local hospital

If you could go back to school, would you?

Yes. Absolutely. I would reduce how many classes I take (because haha I am at 22 credit hours right now :')) but I love learning! I don't love all the pomp and circumstance of academia, but I've considered becoming a teacher several times as a career option and I actually have taught in a professional setting before. School's a love of mine that even all the stresses I've put myself through hasn't fully been killed

Can you parallel park?

Yep! My city almost never requires it because it's a newer one and street parking is only really used in our tiny downtown or in neighborhoods, but I can do it!

A job you had that would surprise people?

Uhhhh I think my current job is that, LOL! But even then, once I explain the details of my job, people seem to think it fits me pretty well :)

Do you think aliens are real?

I think that somewhere in space, there's something that could be considered life, but we can't agree if viruses are living, so I doubt that whatever could be "life" in another part of space would fit our current definitions! Evolution is already fucked enough as is, so accidentally going down any path that resembles what happened on Earth feels pretty unlikely to me

Can you drive a manual car?

Yes! I practiced with my grandpa's old car, though I also stalled a few times LOL so I'm not GOOD, but I can do it! With more practice I think I would be fine

What's your guilty pleasure?

I'm not really sure? I'm not really guilty about any of my pleasures because they're all pretty vanilla? In my household it's definitely mayo though. No one in my household likes mayo and I usually have to deal with Bullying of the highest degree if I want to use it when I'm eating with my sister and parents

Tattoos?

Nope! And I don't want to get them either. I have an irrational thing of permanently adding things to my body to the point where I had a surgery to remove a part of my flesh instead of having a tiny metal rod inserted in me. Tattoos are filed under the same "body modification" ick mentally

Favorite Color?

A soft lilac! I also really like the darker, desaturated greens, but purple is my eternal love

Favorite type of music?

Things that lean more into the rock side of things! I like harsher sounds, faster tempos, that sort of thing, but also my music taste is literally all over the place. It really really REALLY is a case-by-case basis but if I had to say anything, most Paramore songs are ones I love

Do you like puzzles?

It depends on the puzzle! I like logic and math puzzles, and mysteries are fun as well, but a jigsaw is something I'll only really do if I'm with friends or exceedingly bored

Any phobias?

Well, there's that body modification one I mentioned earlier! I also have an irrational fear of beetles and an even more irrational fear of specifically dropping a kitchen knife into my foot! Yowch!

Favorite childhood sport?

I didn't really play sports as a kid, but if I had to pick one, probably swimming? My current favorite sport is definitely dancing, though (folk and ballroom!)

Do you talk to yourself?

Yep! I use both the singular and plural first person pronouns "I" and "We" when I talk to myself. Generally, I use "I" when I'm more passively thinking, and "We" when I'm being metacognizant.

What movie(s) do you adore?

Back to the Future (1985) by Robert Zemekis my BELOVED!!!! I cannot recommend it enough, and I made a quote from it my senior quote in high school. I also really love The Sixth Sense (1999) and Tangled (2010)

Coffee or tea?

Tea, as I have yet to ever drink coffee! But when I drink my tea, I like it unsweetened and iced

First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

First thing I remember was, ironically, a teacher! Some things don't change <3

I'm gonna tag @riinsanity @0mega-x @koi0boi @always-a-joyful-note and @yukimomodivorce but anyone can join in!

[nunalastor]

Ask Compilation LET'S GOOO

@onceuponahotel asked:

*closes app for one day*

*opens it before bed*

*sees whatever fuckery is on nunalastor's blog*

This is why I stay on this godforsaken app lol

like a cursed news app

@timeladix asked:

Cursed mod on the left and dickmaster on the right (ik this bc i was there, took the photo myself ofc)

(Basically the energy you each give off in my head lmao)

-🦋

cursed mod and dickmaster are the same person but i can confirm this is two sides of their multiple personalities.

Anonymous asked:

what is by far THE MOST cursed ask you've ever got?

honestly they're all pretty bad. maybe one day we'll go through and pull our top 10 or something for a cursed ask bracket or something (if anyone wants to go through the cursed ask tag and pull some and do it instead, by all means feel free)

Anonymous asked:

1985 type song about Alastor and his refusal to get with the times

'cause he's still pre-occupied with 1935.

Anonymous asked:

Razzle can also turn into a giant dragon (sheep devil thing) and there is a nonzero chance there are dragon fuckers here. Razzle x Alastor has my support!

Anonymous asked:

One divorced dad and one single dad meet and now the dads are dating and their daughters are siblings. Chaos siblings to be exact.

Anonymous asked:

I just feel like the *thump* *squeak* posts have died down too much.

So

*thump*

*squeak*

*thump*

Anonymous asked:

I’m always so worried that I forget to turn the anon on and my friends are going to see this anyway

Rosie asks her husbands if they’re okay with being railed as a way to know if she’s gonna eat them (so far they have all said no and tasted horrible)

*thump* *squeak* *thump*

If you do, just let us know and we'll delete it. But your friends will always know you're into freaky cannibal shit.

@urrandomrand asked:

Hey. I feel sorry for u

Damn they felt so bad they deleted their whole account.

Anonymous asked:

*thump* *squeak* *thump* *squeak*

Anonymous asked:

You think if Lucifer menstrates, Alastor forces him to use a cup so that when he's done with it, Alastor can drink it like fine wine?

I think you should seek help, personally.

Anonymous asked:

Lucifer eats baked potatoes for breakfast because I like projecting onto him and I eat baked potatoes for breakfast.

Anonymous asked:

My entire Tiktok feed is that *alastor is a circus who lets people play in his urine*

The shit i get from your tumblr is way more wholesome

I fucking 💕 this fandom

The circus memes are so much less cursed.

Anonymous asked:

Oh yes, that! Can't fucking post links in anon...

-Alastors Dick

You can add a space between parts of the link I believe. Like, nunalastor. tumblr. com/tagged/alastorsdick

Anonymous asked:

Hiiiiii hope you're doing well and you've getting them eepies accordingly :>

-🦋

Cursed mod said they were gonna go take a nap a while ago but that's usually a fucking lie and they're still up.

Anonymous asked:

Ok on the subject of crackships again

What about mollie x cherri and pentious x arackniss

what about all four together maybe pentious has enough dicks for everyone

@floatingcamel23 asked:

hello mom-

I have zero parental instincts. So, I'm probably more like your mom than you realize.

Anonymous asked:

Shiiit, listen to this without looking at the screen.

Hells Greatest Dad (hazbin hotel) - But i converted it to midi (youtube.com)

Do you hear them singing still?

-Alastors Dick Link. Not even remotely. It sounds like cursed cat alastor stepping on the keys of a piano repeatedly.

Anonymous asked:

do you think that Alastor hides his tail because it's actually a switch and you can turn him off like you would turn off a radio by flipping his tail like a switch?

Anonymous asked:

Alastor car

link

Anonymous asked:

*sexually inserts rubber duck into lucifer's ass and then jumps on him repeatedly*

Anonymous asked:

In response to the dog toy thing-

Vaggie has a stroke of anger because she's basically gained some sort of trauma from hearing it every night. Alastor bursts out laughing. Lucifer turns into a tomato.

Anonymous asked:

Using light mode should be considered a sin

[everlastiingiimmortals]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME : Willow, i also answer to Soleil!

PRONOUNS : she/they

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : d.iscord bc IMs annoy me but i can deal with them, i'm kind of picky about giving out my discord now

NAME OF MUSE(s) : too many to be normal about that's what! good thing i have this roster to make it easier to look at! but the current main ones are of course Jing Yuan and Ratio

BEST EXPERIENCE : oh gosh, i think the best experience i had with my little hyv nook was exploding the dash with jing yuan's "IM GONNA FUCK THE GODS" crack born from a silly mistake LMAO. in general though the best experience i had was an exchange i had with one of my closest friends @overx, which was an ask i sent to them and one i received in response for a deity's altar meme. i cried so much, because it was one of the first times my OC had truly felt... seen. i think about it all the time

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : too many to list, so here's a few!

- pedestals. i want nothing to do with them. don't elevate me or other people to some sort of standard or anything like that, it genuinely sickens me to the point where i now struggle to accept normal compliments (working on it tho).

- writing for the sake of ships. some people really just want to prioritize shipping and writing romance and that's fine! you do you, but i personally cannot do it. if you approach me for a ship without us having established a dynamic for our muses before that i'm also going to feel really weird about it because i can't read the chemistry, particularly if i don't know you too well (this is also why i'm usually slow to propose ships, because i greatly prefer some sort of dynamic to bounce off of either in canon or through rp).

- teeny tiny text, elaborate formatting or oppressive colors. i'm not going to give myself a headache attempting to read someone's stuff, if it's too hard for me to decipher your posts and especially rules because you favor aesthetic over accessibility, i'm hard blocking because we will not mesh.

MUSE PREFERENCES : looking at my muse history i notice that i'm drawn to those of a nurturing type, whether it's gentle and kind or tough love. i also adore playing around with the idea of mortality or the lack there of, and what that looks like for different characters. contrasting philosophies are also incredibly fun for me! it's kind of obvious with just my muses here alone

PLOTS OR MEMES : oh it's plots for me, which is an issue because it strongly limits my ability to freely interact with others. i really really need to practice using memes more but i am Slow with my inbox and easily overwhelmed

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : yes! i love both, short replies especially are so fun when it comes to rapid-fire dash shenanigans, but the depth of a long reply is always fun and delicious

BEST TIME TO WRITE : after my classes or while i'm in transit and have nothing better to do! can't do cars though those are too bumpy

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : looks at all the times i've been called out for doing something ridiculously jing yuan or ratio or [insert muse] coded. yeah i'd say so. maybe more than i should be DGFKJHDHGKHJ

TAGGED BY : @resolutepath (thanks!) TAGGING : @apocryphis @chasersglow @blckswnstm @shengyins @etherealguard and you!

[irrelevantwriter]

What’s D&D?

Pairing: Eddie Munson (Stranger Things) x Female Reader/You

Rating: SFW, Fluff

Warnings: Language, hints of sexual acts (but nothing explicit), intimidating DM Eddie (hubba hubba)

Word Count: 1981

Summary: You thought you could get closer to your crush by joining Hellfire. Turns out, it wasn’t going to be that easy.

A/N: 100% based this off that meme of only joining Hellfire because you think Eddie is hot. Enjoy and share with your friends! Feedback is that good shit.💗

Disclaimer: As always, reader inserts are true reader inserts. If you find any specifics in regards to reader’s appearance, kindly let me know and I will fix that.

Disclaimer: Characters are of age in my fics.

*Check out my other Eddie fics here

*****************************

This was stupid.

So fucking stupid.

Probably one of the stupidest things you’d ever done.

But here you were, fiddling with your notebook as Eddie Munson stared you down from his Dungeon Master’s throne.

It was fucking intimidating. And you almost just gave up and walked out.

But then he smiled. And chuckled. His warm brown eyes swept over you in a way that you’d yearned for over the years. You didn’t think he’d ever noticed you before, which is what brought you here. Pleading your case to join Hellfire. All because you had a crush on him.

“We don’t usually just let people in,” he said with an amused smirk, steepling his fingers.

He was toying with you. An idea that made you both supremely embarrassed and outrageously horny.

“I realize that. I…I just really wanted to learn and I figured coming here would be as good of a place as any?” You tried hard to make sure your voice was steady. It was difficult with his probing stare still focused squarely on you.

He snickered.

You swallowed.

“It’s not really a club for newbies,” he replied, face growing more serious.

You were at least thankful that you’d managed to catch him alone and not with the rest of the club. You didn’t know if you’d be able to withstand the judgment if you had more than one set of eyes on you.

“No, yeah…that makes total sense,” you acquiesced, attempting to cover up your disappointment.

The truth was, you knew nothing about Dungeons & Dragons. Everything that you had learned had been researched over the last two days. When you’d finally decided to talk to Eddie Munson. The only issue was, you didn’t seem to have any interests in common that would inspire a natural conversation. So you’d decided, albeit stupidly, to try and join Hellfire. Somehow thinking it’d be easy.

You were very wrong.

“What do you know? About the game,” he prompted, features softening slightly.

“Uh…,” you trailed off, getting more nervous the longer you were alone with him. “It’s a fantasy role playing game. It involves magic and storytelling.”

You wanted to roll your eyes at yourself. You sounded like you were reading a book report.

Eddie must’ve felt the same because he laughed. A real laugh with his head thrown back and his Adam’s apple bobbing.

You shifted on your feet.

“That’s vague.”

You bit your lip at his remark, feeling about two inches tall. The loud screech of his chair being dragged across the floor made you jump. He stood and walked towards you, all denim and leather.

He stopped only a few feet from you, eyes roaming your face. You licked your lips, struggling to not take a step back. You hugged your binder to your chest, nails digging into the plastic.

You were so stupid.

“What’s your angle, sweetheart?”

The use of a nickname, plus the deeper octave of his voice, made you short circuit. You opened and closed your mouth but no words came.

“Cat got your tongue?”

He looked pleased with himself. Pleased to see you struggle under his watchful eye. You knew going to him wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, but you had no idea he’d be so unforgiving. And it only made your want for him grow.

Damn hormones.

“There’s no angle. I just wanna play,” you all but whispered, barely meeting his eyes.

That wasn’t exactly not true.

He pursed his lips as he took you in. His eyebrow arched, probably recognizing the sexual innuendo in your words but choosing not to comment on it.

“Probation. You get a probation period. You can sit in and watch, but you don’t get to play. And you’re not a member. Yet.”

You smiled as he spoke, ready to throw yourself at his feet. Both for his generosity and your intense need to blow him.

“Th-that works! Great!” You cringed at your enthusiasm. He seemed tickled by it.

“You start today. You can help me set up.” He turned from you and went back to his chair, gathering various figurines from the tabletop.

“Today?”

He sensed the hesitation in your voice. “Today. Unless you don’t really wanna—,”

“No, I do. I just wasn’t expecting it to happen so fast. I wasn’t prepared.”

He laughed. Low and slow. It made you shiver. He straightened and began placing candles all over the room, choosing not to light them just yet.

“Now is as good a time as any. If you’re serious, that is.”

His eyes narrowed in your direction as you silently nodded.

“Great! Let’s get started then, shall we?”

*********************************

The night had been a disaster.

It became painfully aware to everyone that you knew nothing about D&D. You’d tried so hard to make it seem as if you had a general knowledge of the game. That you’d actually done some research. Which you had. But having so many eyes on you, waiting, expecting you to fail, it fucked with you.

Plus, having the object of your feelings sitting next to you was enough to make you anxious.

It was hot in the room. It was stuffy. And you were trying so hard to follow. Eddie would occasionally lean over and ask you a question, and you’d mostly guess on what to do. Sometimes he would explain a concept better. And sometimes he’d check in. Make sure you were okay.

You were not.

You were ready to hightail it out of there and never look back. Surely your crush wasn’t worth all this?

“Sweetheart,”

You paused as you gathered your bag, turning towards Eddie as he broke off from his conversation with a few of the senior members. They eyed you as they walked out, smirks aimed in your direction.

You tried hard to ignore them and made your way over to Eddie. He was leaning against the table’s edge, arms crossed. He looked good. Hair highlighted by the still burning candlelight. His forearms on display for once while his leather jacket sat abandoned behind him. And suddenly, everything you’d been putting yourself through was worth it. Seeing him like that…well it was enough to make all your hesitation dissipate. If just for the moment.

“Look, I’m sorry for wasting your time. I’m an idiot. I should’ve never come here,” you hastily rambled once you’d made it to him. You played with the hem of your shirt, eyes looking everywhere but at him.

“You haven’t got a fucking clue what you’re doing, do you?”

You stilled at his words, catching the glint in his eye as he looked at you.

Hot humiliation filled your insides as you shook your head.

“So, I’ll ask again…what’s your angle?”

You sighed, realizing your little charade had come to an end. He made you too nervous. Too worked up. There was no way you could keep your cool with him mere feet from you, whispering in your ear while he asked about spellcasting or whatever the fuck he’d probed you about earlier.

“I don’t know shit about D&D,” you finally confessed, biting your lip.

“That’s obvious.”

“I just—,” you stopped short, not sure what you were about to say or admit. Once the truth was out there, there was no getting it back. And Eddie may not be so kind about you wasting his time over a highschool girl’s irrelevant crush. For all you knew, he had a girlfriend. Or girls he entertained.

“You just what?” He made you meet his gaze as he pressed you for an answer.

“I like you. And I don’t know...I convinced myself that we had nothing in common so I should try to join Hellfire. But I don’t know anything about D&D. And I wasted everyone’s time. And I feel terrible about that. I really do.”

You weren’t exactly sure when you’d basically started pleading, but you had. Your hands were folded under your chin as you practically poured your heart out to the one person who had the power to hurt you.

A long silence stretched out as he soaked up your rushed confession. You couldn’t read his expression. He didn’t look pissed, but he didn’t exactly look pleased either.

You should’ve kept your mouth shut.

“I’m gonna go,” you finally said after a solid minute had passed. You were humiliated, but you schooled your features into indifference. You turned to go and leave Eddie in his intense moment of contemplation when a hand reached out to stop you.

“Wait,” he finally said, his touch directing you back to the spot in front of him. He was no longer leaning against the table. No longer relaxed with his movements.

You crossed your arms and waited, missing the warmth of his hand once he finally drew it back.

“So let me get this straight…” He licked his lips, eyes staring far off as he recapped what happened moments before. “You like me. You don’t know anything about D&D. And the only reason you came here was because you wanted to have something in common with me. Because you like me. Did I get that right?”

You nodded, feeling incredibly foolish and juvenile hearing your “plan” recited back to you.

Eddie’s unreadable expression shifted. His eyes lit up. His lips pulled back into a genuine smile. His shoulders relaxed. He licked his lips again, only this time he did it with real purpose.

“You’re cute.”

Your nose wrinkled at the compliment. While there was no hint of condescension in his voice, it felt like he was pandering.

“Cute?” You scoffed at the use of such an adjective.

“Pretty? Adorable? Attractive?”

Your attitude tempered as he listed off more adjectives. Adjectives that made you weak in the knees.

“This isn’t funny,” you pouted, nerves once again filling your stomach as you fiddled with the ring on your right hand.  

“It’s not?” he asked in bemusement, obviously taking great joy in torturing you. “Because I think it is.”

“I’m glad my embarrassment entertains you.”

“Hey, hey, whoa…,” he’d stopped you from leaving again, this time settling his ringed hands on your shoulders. He held your gaze, giving you nowhere to escape to. “It’s funny because you could’ve just told me from the beginning. Instead of trying to…I don’t know, impress me,” he laughed, making you smile.

“I would’ve told you, and then what? You laugh?” you threw back, ignoring the way he inched closer to you.

“No. I would never.”

You ignored the need to remind him that he’d been laughing at you all evening.

“I just—,” he paused, face growing serious as he removed his hands from your shoulders and shrugged. “I’ve never had anyone openly admit they have a crush on me. Especially someone like you.”

“Someone like me?”

“Beautiful. Smart. A bit of a manipulator.”

You gasped at his words, but the crack of a smile made you hold your tongue.

“So let’s do this the right way then, hm?”

You furrowed your brows in confusion. Eddie reached for your hands and held them in his, his face soft and vulnerable as he gazed at you.

“Will you accompany me to a dinner of cheap burgers and fries?”

You laughed at his proposal, wanting to pull your hands away in a sudden bout of bashfulness. But he wouldn’t let you. He wouldn’t let you shy away from him.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” you answered with a teasing smile.

He grinned and squeezed your hands before releasing you. He grabbed his jacket and pulled his car keys from his pocket.

“Let’s go, sweetheart.”

He started to head for the door and you scrambled for your things, realizing he was leaving some of his D&D props behind.

“Now?”

He held the door open as you passed, a charming smirk aimed right at you as he winked. “Now’s as good a time as any.”

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Danger Force Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 1

Episode 4: Villains' Night (SMUT)

Season 1 Masterlist

Click for vibes

*Just a lil smutlet to start us off. I know it's short, like 1500 words, but I've been trying to be a bit more concise. Like, do people want to read 30,000-word chapters? Probably not, so I'm economising. And I'm like exhausted. I am genuinely so tired, but I want to get this out so you guys can enjoy it. 

First, we have this meme I saw on Tumblr and edited to fit our doofus and sweet girl cos this is so them-coded:

SECOND! I was messing about with ChatGPT, and when I asked it to try writing some DF fanfics, it instead summarised the show and well...let's just say AI doesn't watch Nickelodeon. 

I love this summary. I vote that we change the show so Schwoz has laser hands. 

Anywho--smut is starting. Don't read if you're anti-filth or young. I will not be held responsible for anything. Soy inocente. 

He really was a sight for sore eyes. 

Ray Manchester was hot. No questions. End of story. He was God-like: made from chiselled muscle, supple, golden skin, and gorgeously floppy hair with a face made by angels. In uniform, out of uniform, tight t-shirt or no tight t-shirt, he was handsome, and the world knew it. He knew it. But there was only one person who he truly loved to hear it from. 

He closed his eyes and groaned, hips snapping to bury himself deeper, floof falling into his vision with each punch of effort. His nose scrunched, lips pursed, eyebrows rumpled together, biceps bulging near his ears; he looked good like that. More than good. Really fucking hot as a shimmery sheen stuck to his wrinkled forehead, gasps falling from his mouth with each...heavenly...movement. 

And if he was in heaven, there had to be an angel. And there was. 

She was perfect--but when wasn't she? She cried out for him so sweetly, pressing her palms to his clammy chest and abs, rolling her hips into his; he couldn't ask for more, yet he did. Begged, even. She was sweating too, warmed by the close heat of the room and the mid-morning sun streaking through windows. Another morning where they'd lost themselves in the moment. 

How long had they been at it? Two hours? Three? Maybe even four? He'd lost count, merely remembering that he'd woken up to his sweet girl staring at him--admiring, as she excused. She looked so pretty, snuggled up in his embrace, kissing along his neck before he could rub the sleep from his eyes. He knew he wanted her, but he didn't know how much. 

Once wasn't enough. They had a break after the second. Now, they just had to fuck once more. He didn't care if it was a school day, if someone had already knocked on their door once, or if it was quickly approaching lunchtime - his wife was beautiful in the yellow light, and he was insatiable. 

"Fuck, doofus!" And so was she. 

(y/n) smirked as she panted rapidly, exhausted without leaving her bed, but that was okay. Her legs could ache, her arms could feel like jelly, and her pussy could throb, but she wasn't stopping. Not for the world. Not when she had a God beneath her, bound and broken from her swivelling hips. 

Ray was so hot - a sight for sore eyes, especially when he submitted to her like this. Experience had told him that giving her a little confidence and room to experiment got him off quicker and harder than anything else, so he relented his dominance and penchant for rough play and gave her some space. 

His arms were slung over his head, wrists tied to the headboard with a red tie stolen from his closet when he was resting from fucking her through the mattress. She looped the material around him before he could protest, and seeing her straddle his abs was more than worth it. (y/n) loved looking down and seeing her husband smirking back at her, his thick torso laid before her like a goddamn feast as she guided him to her cunt. 

Everything was slower this time from lack of energy, but no less passionate. She rode him like a queen, swirling her pelvis, skin slapping skin as she left red crescents on his chest with her nails. She was glad to take the third round, giving him time to lie back and enjoy himself as his previous releases made everything slick and easy, smeared down her thighs and his. 

"So good for me, doof..."

"Feel so good, precious girl." They gasped together, sharing a breathless brush of a kiss when the heroine bent in half to reach his lips. Hot air passed over her lips as Ray fought to hold her hips, make her move faster, squeeze her tits--anything. He wanted to feel his wife fully; was that a crime? 

But she pulled away, grinding against his lap, enjoying how his cock rubbed against her walls. She wanted to enjoy the final moments of their lovemaking, fingertips exploring every ridge of his abdomen and pecs as he whined underneath her. He rarely allowed her such luxuries, letting her suck and nip on his neck and collarbones, clenching when he moaned at her sharp teeth digging in. 

"Being so good for me, Ray..." she moaned, hunching over and smooching his shoulders as he growled, aching to hold her. 

"Yeah? 'M good for you, sweet girl?" He replied softly, hating how well she tied the knot, but her praise softened the frustration. As much as he wanted to hold her, have her spread underneath him, and do it his way, this was perfect. He lived to please her, and gaining her praise was deeply satisfying, seeing how she smiled softly upon taking in his toned, tanned body. 

He was gorgeous, sighing, groaning, moaning, succumbing to his fate, knowing he existed for her. 

"Mm-hmm. Earned this for being such a good boy last week..." she grinned, gently stroking his abs to calm him down when she flashed back to those traumatic events. 

Miriam and Percy were gone, and so was Ray's beloved hair. Instead of the chocolate floof, all (y/n) had to stroke and admire was his gleaming bald head, which felt weird under her lips when she kissed his head affectionately. Understandably, he was distraught, hiding in her embrace. No one could see his baldness, but thankfully, a salve from Schwoz quickly saw the floof growing again. 

She breathed a sigh of relief - she needed something to pull when he was fucking her through the mattress. 

"And sucking me off the next day wasn't my reward?" Ray grinned, bucking his hips into hers as he recalled how brilliantly sweet she was that night. Following the world's longest nap, he sobbed after glancing in the mirror; she rubbed his back and assured him it was fine. She loved him with hair or without, and he didn't complain when she got down on her knees to prove it. 

God, that was a good night, sagging against the wall in the Man's Nest while she slurped and choked on his cock. It was a little weird to look up and see him with a buzz cut, but she could just close her eyes and let him use her - a cocksleeve for his enjoyment. And he didn't worry about it all night, bruising her body with his sheer passion, leaving them exhausted again but utterly satisfied. 

"I could stop if you don't want this..." (y/n) teased, body thrumming with hazy, soul-shattering pleasure. Planting her hands on his stomach, she doubled her efforts, slamming her cunt on his throbbing cock when Ray's gaze darkened. 

If he could, his hands would be on her hips, throwing her underneath him, keeping his precious wife where she belonged. Her pussy was his second home, his second favourite girl, and she took him so well. How could she even hint at stopping? 

"Don't you fucking dare."

"Love you, doofus," the heroine giggled as she kneaded her chest, giving her husband a show as she rolled her nipples between her forefinger and thumb. His half-lidded eyes watched with hungry, wanting to take her tits in his hands and mouth--to love her properly. But he relented, an agonisingly warm softness blooming in his heart when she spoke those words so reverently, honest and true. 

"Pretty girl...fuck, I love you more than anything," the hero promised, tugging at his restraints, desperate to take her in his arms and fuck her properly. He wanted to love her, feel her, and push himself in as deep as he'd go until he was permanently one with her- until it took. 

That damn tie was too tight, making (y/n) giggle as she leaned down again to kiss him, hips writhing and bucking together to chase a nearing high. It would be intense and soul-shattering, but they needed it, burning with love, lust, and longing as her lips clumsily trailed across his cheek. She lightly bit his jaw, breathing hotly into his ear, sucking on his earlobe before whispering...

"Cum with me."

He wasn't one to refuse his wife, swearing he'd pull the stars from the sky if she desired them. But this was easy, squeezing his fists together as they stilled and groaned. He filled her easily, pumping endless ropes into her awaiting pussy as (y/n) screamed, wondering which number that one was. Maybe three or four - thoroughly fucked by her doofus as she collapsed onto his chest. 

Everything was hot. The room. Their bodies. The man she married. She didn't dare move, scared of pulling away and spilling the precious cum coating her walls, so she nuzzled into his damp skin, kissing his chest. Ray was equally fucked, wrung-out and smug when he rolled his hips, fucking himself deeper, and pulled another gasp from her lips. 

They never cared about the world in those quiet moments after, connected on more than a physical level. It was a man and his wife, a woman and her husband, and no one else. Nothing else mattered, not even when the door creaked open, and a fuzzy little head poked around the corner. 

"The kids are waiting downstairs. When you're ready. After the smoochy-smoochy...so...hurry up!"

Poor Schwoz. He'd been waiting over an hour to approach them, straying closer to their door, only to hear such unholy noises escaping through the cracks. He backed away and came back, backed away and came--an endless cycle of trying to say that Danger Force was waiting downstairs, but he was terrified. 

Seeing his boss hazy-eyed and tied to his bed was one thing: arms slung above his head with a band of red silk keeping him still. Hearing one of his oldest friends shriek and seeing her pull a wrinkled sheet up to her chest was another. But, almost certainly, he'd never recovered, nor would he ever be able to wash the imprinted image from behind his eyes. 

Schwoz was mortified. (y/n) was horrified. But Ray? He was fucking delighted. 

*And we're safe again. Enjoy the rest of the chapter! I actually really like this episode (especially since DF as a whole is a bit shit :)

"We are so late!" (y/n) hissed as she and Ray raced to the school, barely rubbing the sleep from their eyes. It was true; they were so late, oversleeping and rolling around the sheets until the sun was high and well past mid-morning. Well, not that the doofus cared, strolling behind his beloved wife with a dorky grin. 

He was happy--annoyingly pleased with himself for discombobulating such a perfect and precious girl. Her Miss Danger uniform was haphazardly thrown on, slightly rumpled and creased from their sprint to the tube. At the same time, he casually buttoned his tunic and zipped up his pants, leaning over her when they paused to go downstairs. 

For someone who'd done nothing but keep her in his bed all morning, he was surprisingly touchy, wrapping his arms around her, smooching her neck as (y/n) flicked through a file - everything the kids needed to learn today. She wanted to focus on some minor, simple missions that didn't involve fire, explosions, or death, but that wasn't easy when her husband wriggled into her arms like a needy child. 

"Doofus, I'm trying to read!"

"Can't a man love his wife?" Ray cooed, arms draped over her shoulders as she tried to shuffle along the corridor, which was much more difficult with the man-baby weighing her down. 

He pawed at her tummy and arms, hoping to hold her tight and retain her warmth and happiness away from the world--and that wasn't easy with a cup of coffee in his hand. He needed the caffeine after such a...rigorous start, although he was confident that his precious girl would end up drinking most of it. 

As much as he...vaguely liked the children, they could be so annoying, and that morning, like every other morning, he wanted her all to himself. Was that so bad? They never got a day off together and only recovered from last week's exhausting mission. Those little demons were knocking on his door again, banging on about learning. It was so overrated...

"The man has been doing that all morning," (y/n) sighed, subconsciously leaning into his affections since his lips felt so ticklish on her neck... Despite everything, she loved the attention, taking the hand off her hip to intertwine their fingers as they walked along. 

"And I love you, my pretty wife..." He smiled, hunched over in what must've been an awkward position to walk since his chin was resting on her shoulder. They stopped, hovering in the closet as the kids' voices grew louder on the other side of the wall. It made the adults freeze, instinctively pulling away from what Schwoz would call the "smoochy-smoochy". 

God, he was still embarrassed, walking around with red cheeks and wide eyes, avoiding the couple like the plague once they shouted back to him and left their bedroom. No one knew where he was now, making (y/n) and Ray wary of where the fuzzy weirdo would pop up next, which made the hero grumpy. If it weren't for him, they might have gotten that day in bed...

"I know, Raymond..." she replied softly, petting his head when he hugged her close, wanting the quiet, solitary moment to last forever. "I love you too."

"...You don't think they'll miss us for another half hour, do you?"

"Yes. Definitely. And if you come near me again, doofus, I won't be able to walk." He pushed his luck, drifting his touch down her back toward her butt, only for his wife to stop him. 

As much as she liked the thought of that...she was tired. Aching. Slightly sore. It was nothing her super-regeneration couldn't handle. Still, they had things to do, so no matter how much Raymond pouted, she stood fast, chastely pecking his cheek when his fingers narrowly escaped skimming her ass. He'd have her beneath him all day if it were up to him, and that was more of a vacation thing, not a mid-week, school day thing. 

"You know how to flatter a man, sweet girl," Ray grumbled, sighing but squishing her cheeks together as he captured her lips. True to his word and her request, he refrained from turning it dirty, humming appreciatively at her taste before pulling away to straighten her pretty uniform. Had he told her how gorgeous she looked that day?

"Mm-hmm. I know how to flatter you. Come on..." she giggled, taking his hand as her ears warmed under his soft, gooey-eyed stare, guiding him to the door. 

With the file perched open in her hand, they entered the room, smiling brightly as they faced the bored, dejected children. At last, the teachers had arrived - a mere three hours late - and they headed for the lectern, acting like everything was perfectly normal, even as four sets of eyes scrutinised their every move. 

They were scattered around the room, Mika fiddling with something, Chapa dozing at her desk, wearing a cowboy hat, Miles eating a snack, and Bose working through a box of doughnuts. They'd run out of things to do whilst waiting for the adults, having heard nothing more from Schwoz, save that they were busy and on their way. Whatever busy meant. 

"All right, simmer down, everybody! Let's cut the chatter!" Ray told the kids firmly as he took the thick file from his wife's hand and dumped it on the podium, ready to read what juicy crimes they had today. He wanted to command the room and avoid awkward questions, but he only worsened things like usual. 

"No one was talking..." Mika replied flatly, wondering what the guy was talking about--except for being high and mighty like normal. She looked up from the blaster she'd been inspecting and eyed the couple suspiciously, wondering why (y/n) looked so tired after a relatively quiet night. Few emergencies, no criminals, very little to do - what had they been doing?

"Yeah, man. No chatter to cut," her brother agreed, smirking slightly when (y/n) nudged her doofus, pouting and begging for a sip--or rather, gulp--of his coffee. And like the soft idiot he was, Ray gave it to her, acting like her thirst annoyed him, yet he brought the cup to her lips. What a simp...

"Hey, (y/n/n)...You get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning? Your hair's all weird..."

"Oh, she got out of bed this morning, only it was Ray's side!" Chapa hissed snidely to Miles, earning a few giggles around the room as they knew something of the truth. It didn't take a genius to work something out, and they gagged and groaned at the thought of their teachers doing snuggly, cuddly things in bed. 

Their chuckles and rude toilet humour comments made the woman glare, dryly raising an eyebrow over her stolen coffee while subtly patting her hair. Perhaps it was a little frizzy, ruffled from being Ray's pillow princess, and the hero wouldn't have any slander. If those jokers really wanted to know, he liked seeing her like that...she looked so very naturally beautiful. 

"Well..." he said sharply, speaking above whatever they found so funny when (y/n) returned a trickle of coffee. "I kinda had my heart set on telling you guys to cut the chatter, so... Can we come in again? And, maybe, hear some chatter?"

"I didn't realise we were here to meet your needs..." Miles retorted, slowly chewing his jammy doughnut and swirling the liquid in his polystyrene cup. He matched the man's glare, knowing he was fond of his wife, being the simp he was, but they were just poking fun... It wasn't their fault they'd landed themselves in a real-life rom-com. 

"Well, guess what? You are," Ray told him, equally biting as (y/n) clung to his beefy arm. His uniform made him look so handsome; how did he look so...put-together?

"Then, we can do that!"

"Great. We'll come in again. Let's go, doofus!" She smiled at them before ushering her stubborn lover out of the room. As he sipped whatever coffee she left him, disappearing into the closet, the kids erupted into forced, vociferous chatter, talking loudly across the room as if they were more interested in their dealings than schoolwork. 

Behind the door, the couple waited a few seconds, counting ten seconds specifically as Ray swept his wife into a breath-taking kiss. His free arm curled around her waist as he held the file close to his chest, although he'd rather it was her. Still, (y/n) stepped closer until their navels touched, seemingly starving for that bubblegum mint until they had to pull apart. 

In another beat, they reentered the room, following a smooth rhythm as if they hadn't shared a secret tryst behind the wood, falling into the racket without another word. Although, maybe one final fleeting glance at each other. 

"All right, calm down, everybody!"

"Let's cut the chatter!" (y/n) shouted with her doofus, unaware of his game's point. Still, he seemed satisfied now, sauntering back to the lectern with the faux exhaustion of an overworked teacher. But the kids didn't stop, suddenly lost in their conversations. They weren't mindless rabbles anymore but excited chats about whatever teens talk about. 

"Hey! The doofus said to cut the chatter!" She told the kids, feeling her husband press himself against her back as he smiled gently. She was so hot when she took charge, commanding the classroom with such wit and intelligence...he was in awe. 

"All right, M-D. What ya got for us today, Cap?" Bose asked, placing his feet on the desk as the children took their seats, simmering down to politely play attention like good students. 

"What we got is a big, steamin' bowl a' crime chowder. So, grab your spoons--let's eat!" Ray grinned, particularly proud of his metaphor, especially when his sweet girl giggled and gave him one of her pretty smiles. He was such a dork, slamming the thick file down so he could read out the crimes; only Mika had been busy...

"I digitised all those papers for you and uploaded them to the smartboard," she told them as her friends barked like excited dogs, earning a pleasant grin from (y/n) when she turned and noticed all the information on the screen. Whilst it made their lesson plan redundant, she supposed it was easier, knowing everyone could see the details rather than them reading it out. 

"Aw, thanks, Mika!"

"Oh, well...what am I supposed to do with these?" The hero asked with a pout, holding the stack up since the papers were now useless. He turned to his beloved wife, seeking her judgement since she was usually so wise in these situations, even if the solution was obvious - he just wanted an excuse to gaze into her eyes. 

"Recycle them, doofus?" (y/n) suggested, removing a speck of non-existent dust from his uniform, fingertips trailing down his chest as she smirked. Ray broke into a huge grin, taking her hand in his and kissing her knuckles as he chuckled--like something was funny. 

It made her frown, wondering what amused him so much when she was just trying to be helpful. He didn't like seeing such an ugly expression on her face, making him smooch harder, but he couldn't help it - such a silly suggestion.

"Absolutely not, darlin'! You're so cute..." 

"Throw them away?" Bose proposed, still reclining as the man cooed over his wife. He liked that idea much more, lighting up the room with his pearly grin since that made much more sense. Just throwing them in the trash would require less effort, and everyone knew recycling was a myth.

"Better! 'Scuse me, sweet girl..."

"What?!" The heroine gasped, frowning deeply as her husband scooched past and dumped the stack of papers into the regular trash can, utterly ignoring the waste paper basket beside it. They fell with a hollow thump, much like (y/n)'s heart, as she sighed and shook her head, spotting Mika's similar reaction - those girls lived in a world of goldfish. 

"Burn 'em?" And it only got worse with Chapa's suggestion, egging Ray on because who didn't like fire? 

"Best!" Ignoring his wife's facepalm, he grinned as he pulled the laser remote from his belt and zapped the documents. Instantly, they burst into flames, the warmth and glow spreading through the room, bouncing off the walls rather cosily, and the girls supposed it could've been nice if it didn't fill the place with an ashy, burning smell. 

"Seriously, doofus?" (y/n) sighed, watching the flames lick the air as Mika helpfully went to fetch her a fire extinguisher. The man perched himself on a small cabinet, taking her into his arms as he set her on his knee and pecked her cheek affectionately. 

His grin was infectious, pulling at her lips as she stood between his parted knees, mirthfully shaking her head. He was an idiot, but he was her idiot, looking too damn handsome for his own good as the kids admired the flaming spectacle. 

"Recycle them! You're so funny, sweet girl... I'm so glad I married you," Ray murmured, gaze flickering to her lips before finding them. They smiled into it, feeling the ghosts of their wedding rings on their fingers, where they would be under their gloves if they weren't in uniform. 

Meanwhile, Mika found that fire extinguisher, unlocking the plastic housing on top as she brought it over to (y/n). Even if it broke apart their clinch, the blaze needed putting out, so she abruptly separated from her husband with an awkward cough. 

Despite often losing herself around Ray, acting like a schoolgirl crushing on the hottest guy on the football team, she tried to refrain from jumping him whenever the kids were around, even if she wasn't always successful. So, as he plucked a pencil from behind his ear and bizarrely dropped it into the flames, she chastely pecked his forehead one last time before turning to her little helper. 

"Okay, crime time..." Ray announced, clapping his hands and getting on with teaching once he lost his wife's warmth - the fire was no match. Mika returned to her seat once (y/n) had the extinguisher, watching as the man began his so-called lesson while she blasted the fire with the white smoke, smothering the flames. 

"Somebody stole a garden gnome off some old lady's front yard..."

"Oh, come on, doof. We can do better than that..." (y/n) commented as she breezily hobbled past, thinking they were above dealing with petty crimes like teenage misdemeanours. They had to leave something for the cops to pick over. 

"Let's see...somebody hit Scary Gary in the head with a garden gnome--Oh. Actually, those two might be related," Ray hummed, seeing some connection, but it still wasn't spicy enough to be worth their time, practically sending the kids off to sleep on their desks. 

One quick squeeze later, (y/n) extinguished the fire, making a mental note to find a replacement trash can later since that one was all melted and smoky. She walked back to where they stored the thing, noticing how her husband's eyes slid down her spine when she brushed past him, obviously lingering where her skirt met her thighs. 

"Get to the good crimes!" Chapa suddenly barked, snapping Ray out of his daydream of soft skin and thick flesh, remembering that he was teaching. Thank God for the podium...

"Okay, gimme a sec, gimme a sec..." Ray muttered sheepishly as (y/n) returned to his side, flicking through dozens of petty offences, some more tedious than others. "Somebody stole all the books from the Swellview Library. Pfffft!"

"STOLE BOOKS FROM THE LIBRARY?!" Honestly, the couple didn't think it was such a big deal, heads jerking up in alarm when Mika abruptly pushed her chair back and slammed her palms on her desk, glaring menacingly. 

If looks could kill, whoever made the mistake of nicking those books would be dead, even though they thought the kids wouldn't care. After all, kids don't read these days... But she wasn't the only one; terse looks penetrated the smartboard from all of them, including the kids they assumed wouldn't care. Mika, bless her, was a little nerdy compared to someone like Chapa...

"Someone's gonna fry tonight!" But even she was furious, looking slightly ridiculous in her black Stetson, fists sparking with scarlet electricity because she apparently cared about the library. Although, (y/n) would bet she'd never stepped in it once. 

"Are you guys serious?" She asked, exchanging a confused glance with her husband when he paused over the next crime. It was almost laughable, swearing they were pulling their legs - Captain Man didn't read unless it was with his head in his sweet girl's lap as she dictated one of her romance novels whilst playing with his hair. 

"Of course we are!"

"Libraries are a treasure trove of infinite knowledge!" The Macklin Twins replied in wonder-filled voices, more enchanted by a simple library than anyone would've ever thought. Mika was understandable, and Miles and Bose were perhaps a little far-fetched but interested in books, but Chapa? That was a surprise. 

"And adventure!" Bose couldn't help but add, grinning cheekily as he mystically waved his hands. He wasn't bright, but there was a book for everyone - and he loved the picture ones. 

"What?" Ray scoffed, glancing at all of them, but he didn't see anything to suggest a prank or elaborate joke. 

"Stealing books from the library is not just a crime against one person," Mika explained, looking at the adults like it was apparent, a weird, determined grimace on her face. She wasn't just thinking about glorifying crimes; she saw the bigger picture, and so did her brother. 

"It's a crime against the whole community!"

"And it will not stand!" Chapa bellowed, ripping the cowboy hat from her hand and slamming it down on her desk in a rage. By then, all the kids were on their feet, staring at their teachers, who still couldn't quite believe it. Were these the same kids who begged them to take them on incredible, exciting missions? The ones who were so eager for danger they caused a city-wide crime high?

"Okay, please tell us there's some sick turn coming," Ray said tentatively, barely able to focus on how his wife squished his bicep because he hated libraries. So dull and tacky. He preferred to defer those calls to his underlings, hopefully, the police, but they didn't laugh, call their bluffs, or shout sike! Their glares were steely and resolute, nails digging into palms at the thought of whichever scumbag stooped to stealing books. 

"Only thing comin' is vengeance."

"And adventure!" At least Bose was cute, still caught up in his musings on adventure - a stark contrast to his friends' harshness. 

"Because we love the library!" Miles insisted, almost teary-eyed at the thought of losing such a precious building. It was ridiculous to see him get so emotional, rowdily banging his fists in protest, and (y/n) saw that they were getting nowhere. She wasn't thrilled about it either, except maybe she'd pick up another cheesy novel, so she fluttered her eyelashes at her lover, knowing he'd need convincing. 

"Well, doofus, the crime's already in our shopping cart. Let's just hit checkout," she sighed, pointing at the screen in what was supposed to be a fun, quirky way to get the kids engaged in choosing their missions. She thought it was cute, giving Ray her brightest smile, squeezing his huge arm, even if he returned a bored, joyless face. 

"God, sweetheart, we're surrounded by nerds..." he groaned, but how could he refuse her when she looked so pretty? Glancing back down at his PearPad, he hit the library crime tab, pulling open a page about the brief information they'd received, and it still didn't sound fun. "All right, give me a second to read the details..."

"Okay, let's see... Okay, look! They didn't steal all the books. They left like ten copies of that one," the man pointed out when he saw the crime scene photo - a quick snapshot of one of the shelves, which still had a few novels propped up in the middle. He didn't see the fuss until one of the kids looked closer...

"Hey, what book is that?" Miles asked, squinting at the screen because he swore he'd seen it before. It looked so familiar, and it wasn't until Ray zoomed in that they all realised something tragic. Hilarious, but tragic--well, it was if you were its author. 

"It is...Oh. My. God." Sitting there on the shelf, much to Ray's bitter disappointment, were ten copies of his book. His autobiography. Dozens of pages about his favourite subject. Himself. Thousands of words about Captain Man's life, hopes, and dreams, how he became a superhero, what he did in his free time, how he scored a beauty like Miss Danger, and it was all there for the citizens of Swellview to read. Because some philistine left it behind--probably on purpose. 

All the colour drained from his face before a deep scrape poured back in, and he slammed the tablet on the lectern as his wife and students bit back chuckles. It was a bit funny - the irony of it all - but (y/n) tried not to show it, instantly smushing herself into his back as the hero stared at the humiliating insult, jaw clenched and eyes hard. 

"Is that you on the cover?" Chapa asked, even though it was unmistakably Captain Man. He had the mask and everything, looking all smug with a stupidly long title since he could never stop bragging. Yeah, it was definitely his book. 

"Yes."

"And they left it there?" Mika asked, too, trying to remain sympathetic and kind, but it was hard. The situation was funny, not that anyone could tell Ray that. 

"Yes."

"All ten copies, doof?" (y/n) cringed, stroking his back to try and be comforting, but it didn't really help. Nothing could soften the blow of being so deeply insulted by some two-bit criminal, and Ray wasn't the type of man to take such abuse lying down. All he could do was stare at the floor and try not to cry in front of the kids, knowing they were already amused - they'd never let him forget the day a bad guy made him sob. 

"Yes."

"They literally stole every book in the library except yours?" Miles sniggered, rubbing salt in the hero's wound. He was intentionally mean, seeing the irony more than he did. Still, it burned Ray's soul, making him want to bury his face in his wife's neck or hide under their bedsheets until a millennia had passed. Anything to avoid the shame. 

"Someone's gonna fry tonight!" Ray snarled, his face screwed up in anguish and fury. No one, save his pretty girl, knew how hard he'd worked on that damn book - and literacy wasn't his strongest suit - angering him enough to make him want to squish something small. So, he did. 

His fist came down on the plate of doughnuts from Miles and Bose's little picnic earlier, finding the squelch of the pastry under his hand deliciously satisfying. The brutal blow made it look like a pancake, squeezing the jammy filling out like some kind of sugary cannon, and unfortunately, Bose was its target. 

A sticky, red blob hit him in the neck as Chapa cheered, ecstatic about gaining permission to electrify some no-good hooligans. Yet, she quickly frowned when her friend stumbled back. The jelly trickled down his uniform, clinging to his skin, but (y/n) barely reached for a tissue when the colour drained from his face--like he'd taken a fatal jam bullet to the torso. 

"I'm hit!" He groaned before collapsing, playing every bit the wounded soldier as Chapa looked down on him in disgust, wondering what all the fuss was about. 

"Relax, it's just--"

"This is the end for old Bosey..." the boy sniffled breathlessly like the wind had been knocked out of him, even as Mika and Miles gathered around his near-corpse, trying to soothe his grievances. "Confession time! I'm the one that stole that garden gnome."

"Well, Holmes, another case solved," (y/n) joked, smiling up at her husband with a dorky grin as Bose relaxed against the floor, going all floppy like he'd breathed his last. 

Ray giggled with her, nuzzling their noses until he found her honeyed lips - an entirely inappropriate reaction for such a sombre moment - if the kid had croaked it. No matter how long he kept his eyes closed or how much his tongue lolled out of his mouth, he wasn't fooling anyone. Certainly not Chapa, who watched in utter disdain. 

"Dude, you're fine. That's jelly," she retorted dryly, and miraculously, Bose's hand, stiff with rigor mortis, curled up to his neck to dab at the sticky substance. He licked his fingertips, lips twitching upwards when the pleasant sweetness caressed his tastebuds, and Bose decided death wasn't on his list so soon--not when the jam tasted so good. 

"So it is! Raspberry, if I'm not mistaken!" He grinned, looking as vacant as ever as they all sighed. 

Still, he wasn't as weird as the trash can, sitting quietly and innocently while it spontaneously bursting into flames without much warning. The fire came out of nowhere, spooking the group since (y/n) had definitely doused it with the gas. Weird - what kind of gag was that?

"Uh-oh! Hot can!" Ray remarked as he watched the bin smoulder, forcing his beloved wife to retrieve the extinguisher with a long, tired groan. 

"That thing does not want to stay out!"

"This wouldn't have happened if you'd just recycled like a normal person, doofus," (y/n) grumbled as she lugged the metal cylinder across the room, fully intending on emptying the damn thing if it meant the fire would be put out. And, of course, as she worked, the others laughed, thinking it was hilarious that their trash can defied physics or whatever--since they didn't have to work to stop the place from burning down. 

"We also wouldn't be laughing, darlin', so I mean..." Ray replied sassily, cackling with his fellow hyenas as the woman paused before the blaze, pondering her next move. 

With one hand on her hip, she narrowed her eyes at her husband, knowing he wouldn't find it funny for long when she played her trump card. Her sharp glare made the children shrink back a little, more scared of her than they were of the idiot in the red and blue spandex, dampening their spirits as Ray batted his eyelashes. 

He was an idiot, but at least he was a pretty idiot. An adorable idiot, worthy of an empty threat, as (y/n) smirked and jutted her hip out, never leaving his eye. 

"You'll be laughing tonight while sleeping on the couch."

"No, sweet girl!" Now, that gave them something to laugh about. 

~The Man's Nest~

Upstairs, the team had assembled to track down their prey now that they'd caught the scent. 

They were looking for a scumbag who wasn't below stealing books from children, old people, and every other vulnerable person in the city, but that didn't really narrow it down. Who knows what lowlifes were lurking in the shadows? 

The kids didn't really want to find out, looking to their teachers for guidance as they loitered around the room--or, in Bose and Miles' case, stretched together on the floor, foot-to-foot to really pull those lower back muscles. Luckily, though, whoever this jerk was, he'd made the mistake of forcing Captain Man's hand, making the man his enemy, and God, the guy was angry. 

Not even (y/n) could soothe his temper, quietly observing his pissed-off pacing around the room as he imagined he would beat the crook's ass one hundred ways. No one messed with his book and got away with it, no one made him look like a fool, and no one, not even some smart Alec little bastard, stole all the romance novels before his precious wife got to read them all. 

What would she do in the bath if she didn't have a book?

"All right! Who's ready to break some teeth?" He growled as he twirled a rope-like weapon in his hand, threatening to whack someone's eye out if he wasn't careful. 

"Always!" Chapa replied immediately, squirming eagerly on the couch because that sounded like her type of fun, and it wasn't often she was allowed to truly release some anger on the criminals, no matter how scummy they were. Something about morals--whatever (y/n) thought they were. 

"Ready in a bit!"

"Just gotta do a little stretching first!" Miles and Bose added, still in their shared teddy bear pose as they leaned forwards and backwards, enjoyed how their spines cracked and relaxed with each gentle stretch. Still, it made their teacher impatient, sticking out his bottom lip and practically stamping his foot as they remained on the floor instead of following orders. 

"But I want to break teeth now!"

"We don't even know whose teeth to break yet," Mika argued from her seat at the mini-supercomputer, flicking between PearPads as she researched who it could be. Still, there were a lot of bad guys in Swellview. It could've been any of them, and she didn't know where to start. 

On the other hand, Ray was particularly smug, stomping over to her with his arm roughly thrown around (y/n) 's neck, presenting her to the girl with a proud smirk--and not just because he got to marry her and she didn't. 

"Wrong! I just uploaded a list of the most likely suspects. Tell her, sweet girl!"

"Um, Mika, if you'd just..." (y/n) smiled awkwardly as her doofus nudged her encouragingly, if a little impatiently. As he crowded her, seeking affection, the girl humoured her, tapping the screens a little until she found the list the mad had made. 

It was long--really long, and not very specific, including names ranging from the big baddies like The Toddler and Doctor Minyak to those not even worth their time like Jeff or Mr Nice Guy. Hell, even Chapa was there for some reason, much to the heroine's frustration. This was why she didn't let her husband write the shopping list--he'd come home with God knows what. 

"Doofus, this is literally every criminal in Swellview." She frowned, squinting at the list and gulping at the thought of roaming the city to find them all. Surely, the books were above The Toddler's usual crime habits. Yet, Ray just looked pleased with himself, squeezing her in his embrace since he knew how much she loved his updated uniform and how much bigger it made him feel. 

"Yeah! Plus, a couple of people I just don't like."

"They're scattered all over town! It's going to take us ages to get through them all," she added, giving him a sceptical glance, but he just shrugged. 

"Well, we better get going. We got a long night ahead of us, and I want to be back here, watching a movie on the couch with my wife by two. Hope you're wearing your teeth-breaking pants!" The hero growled, taking his pretty girl by the hand and turning toward the door, hoping to burn through the list so they could enjoy a quiet night together—fat chance. 

"One of those dots is me!" Chapa called out, standing up when she read her name on the screen. Her face contorted in anger and offence, knowing that her boss had counted her amongst the scum - robbers, criminals, those he didn't like. But honestly, Ray wasn't ashamed, not even when (y/n) quirked her eyebrow at him in a mini-glare. 

"Well, where were you last night? Huh?" He asked accusingly, snarling at the girl as he doubled back and marched up to her. "Out stealing every book in Swellview except mine?!"

"Calm down, doofus..." (y/n) soothed him, wincing slightly when his relatively calm tone turned cruel and sharp. She knew he was upset, but she wouldn't let him be nasty, noticing how a pang of hurt passed Chapa's face, utterly disgusted at such an accusation. 

"I don't steal books! I'm not a monster!" She bit back, folding her arms and staring at him from the couch. He wasn't a harsh man by any means - his wife would vouch for his deeply ingrained kindness - but his tendency for rudeness genuinely wounded the girl. Did people really see her as someone who'd stoop so low?

"We'll see..." the man muttered, admitting defeat for now as he turned his back on her, petting his wife's head like she were a cat. They slunk away, Ray content to let his lover fuss over him since she was so good at distracting him, and that allowed the kids to think with interruption. 

"I got a better way to find the criminal," Mika said, eyeing the couple as her friend pecked her husband's nose, bringing a sickly saccharine smile to his face - so adorable, it was almost disgusting. 

"Better than spending six to eight days walking all over town, collecting criminal teeth to get that sweet, sweet coin from the Tooth Fairy until we randomly happen upon some random criminal that admits to stealing the books? I'd like to hear it!"

"You've got to stop watching those True Crime shows, Ray..." The heroine shook her head, knowing he was getting carried away again and letting his inner child run rampant. Still, Mika brushed over it--in the right while he was in the wrong as always. 

"Well, you know that place, The Beatin' Dungeon?" She questioned smugly, and the couple instantly had flashbacks to happier times. 

It was months ago, making (y/n) smile at the thought of her last family reunion and how her then fiancé--which was so weird to think about--nearly worried himself sick without her in his arms. It was so bad that he needed a pick-me-up, growing bored with his day-in, day-out fights against the same-old criminals, so he signed up to fight some loser. He never thought he'd find common ground with The Toddler, but it was almost magical - Henry Hart's work, of course. 

Just thinking about the kid made their smiles sour, and the woman made a mental note to try and call the kid whenever she had a free minute--just to see how her babies were doing. God, she missed them, sharing a brief, teary glance with her soulmate, and she knew he was thinking the same. Happy times...

"I barely know where I am right now..." Bose replied honestly, not jokingly, bringing them back to reality, and four new kids needed guidance. They had a job and quickly moved on from memory lane as the boys stopped stretching and got on their feet. 

"The Beatin' Dungeon is this place where villains and heroes get together to fight each other for fun," (y/n) explained, leaving out the bits where her doofus failed to secure a decent opponent despite being Captain Man. It wasn't her style, a little crude and brutish to brawl for fun, but others thought differently...

"Sweat! When do we go?" Chapa asked excitedly, hopping off the couch with an eager readiness to start breaking faces; a fight club was precisely her idea of fun. 

"Tomorrow night. It's Villains Only Night," Mika replied, giving the girl a confident smirk after researching the supercomputer, unlike Ray, who was all action and had no brains in her eyes. Yet, the man wasn't entirely clueless, rolling his eyes and scoffing when he heard her glorious master plan. 

"So?"

"So, we get Schwoz to make up some bad guys costumes..." Miles supposed, seeing what his sister had planned, although they'd need to find the genius in whatever hole he crawled into. He was still strangely mortified for some reason...

"We head down The Beatin' Dungeon..."

"And adopt a rescue dog that we bring home and say, in a way, he rescued us!" Bose finished, happily concluding his friends' scheme, although he'd gotten a little lost. They all looked at him with tired, if slightly bemused, expressions, wondering how they could be angry at those dimples, even if he were such hard work. Still, though, (y/n) perked up at the news of a puppy...

"So close..."

"Was he?" Miles murmured to Chapa as they both cringed, clueless about what went through that boy's head. Surely, it had to be filled with cotton wool; grimacing at his simpleness as Mika awkwardly carried on. 

"Or...we hang out and see if any criminals are bragging about stealing books from the library," the girl suggested, glancing at Ray and (y/n) for permission, and whilst the man looked slightly bitter for not thinking of something so clever, his sweet girl grinned and nodded. 

"Sounds good to me!" The woman exclaimed as Miles and Chapa agreed, keen to go somewhere dark and dangerous--to mingle amongst the criminal throngs and intercept their enemy in his den. They loved the thrill of it, especially if it meant wearing a weird costume. 

"Hold up, wait a minute, let me put some Captain in it!" But Ray had other ideas, sticking his cheesy grin in the mix, even if it made the kids' faces fall. 

"I don't know what that means..."

"Me neither." Mika and Chapa remarked dryly, giving the hero a confused look as he swaggered like a testosterone-fulled peacock. Instead, they looked at (y/n), hoping she'd translate whatever he was saying since she spent every waking minute with him--loved him, even his...more annoying parts. 

"He thinks he has an idea..." she told them, hovering by her husband and squishing his beefy arm, curling around her waist and bringing her flush against him. Something about him looked extra handsome from that angle - perhaps extra tall, broad, or rugged, looking down at her gently before giving the kids a stern gaze. 

"Also, about that puppy..." She fluttered her eyelashes and raked a palm down his chiselled chest, using all her tricks to try and persuade him that Bose might be onto something there. She'd always been a sucker for cute puppies, even though they were perfectly content with Colin the rabbit. 

"We're not getting a dog, sweet girl," Ray told her firmly but kindly, following up with a sweet kiss on her pouting, honeyed lips. He wanted to give her the world, but that sounded like hell, cleaning up after another animal with all the younglings crawling all over their home. It broke his heart to say no, but (y/n) didn't take it personally, satisfied with the kiss for now, even when he pulled away. 

"Aw..."

"It means..." Ray said to Danger Force as he tried to move on, stumbling slightly when his wife reached onto his tiptoes and planted a clumsy smooch on the stretched expanse of his neck. He gulped, shivering at the ticklish sensation as Chapa and the boys grimaced, with only Mika thinking their affection was mildly romantic as the heroine pulled away with a besotted expression. 

"It means it's up to me to point out that nobody ever goes to Villains Only Night. Check out their Fakebook page," he told them, tapping on the PearPads before finding a sad, lonely social media account with little to no followers or traffic. It was just saddos on bar stools, drinking their sorrows away as they waited for something fun to happen, not that it ever did. 

And was that The Lawn Ranger Ray saw? God, seeing that weirdo again sent shivers down his spine from the mere thought of his loser aura. 

"I thought of that, and I have a solution!" But Mika had it covered, grinning at the sceptical hero as his arms shook around his sweet girl with smug laughter. There was no way...

"Pfft! A better solution than spending six to eight days walking all over town, collecting criminal--"

"Yes, doofus! We're not going through that again," (y/n) interrupted, clamping her palm over his mouth so he couldn't repeat his rant. His lips pursed against her, pecking her sensitive skin, making her giggle, but at least he shut up, going limp and soft in her arms because who was he to talk back to his beloved wife?

"We just have to offer something else that everyone loves," Mika said like it was simple, and even Ray couldn't agree with that. 

"Like face painting!" And for once, Bose was helpful, and no one could say they saw something wrong with the lighthearted, childish, and harmless. Even villains loved the face painting, so the girl quickly typed it into the Fakebook page, advertising the new activity for all to see. Meanwhile, Chapa and Miles rambled about their favourite designs, something about cute squiggles on their eyes and cheeks. 

"Wait a minute--that's not gonna work!" Ray remarked as he embraced his wife, but the replies flooded in when Mika sent the post. Dozens of criminals, villains, and general scumbags instantly commented their support, pledging they'd attend Villains Only Night for the face painting - the most brilliant idea yet. 

"It seems like it's working, doof..." (y/n) whispered to her lover, giving him a soft smile since he'd been proven wrong - his worst nightmare. Still, he wasn't a sore loser...too much. 

"Fine! But where are you gonna find somebody to paint faces, huh? For free!?" He asked, sneering at Mika since he didn't want to fork out for such a simple mission, not when he could spend that money on something much more deserving, like his wife. 

But Miles had other ideas. Getting to his feet, the boy threw his head back, inhaling deeply before he released an ear-shattering bellow--loud enough to make everyone jump, and the walls felt like they were shaking. 

"SCHWOZZZZZ!" He screeched to the heavens, and low and behold, the fuzzy little coconut appeared. He'd been hiding in an alcove in the ceiling, strapped snuggly in a harness so he could read Ray's beloved book in peace without any more incidents. God, it was still burned into his eyelids, a faint blush dusted over his cheeks as he descended from whichever nook or cranny he'd been avoiding his boss in. 

"Yes?"

"AHH!" Everyone jumped, yelping when he dropped down out of nowhere like a goddamn bat, making (y/n) cower into her doofus' arms as he frowned. So, that's where the little weirdo had hurried off, licking his wounds because he couldn't knock. 

"Can you paint faces?" Miles asked calmly, despite how rapidly his heart pounded. 

"Yes." Schwoz nodded - one of his many hidden skills, although he wasn't sure why the boy wanted to know. He'd had enough shenanigans for one day. 

"For free?" Mika questioned further, smiling brightly at the genius, even though she wasn't sure why he wouldn't look in her direction. He wouldn't even glance toward Ray and (y/n), knowing he'd turn a deep red if he made eye contact, so he stared straight ahead, at one of the kids, or at the propped-open novel in his hand. 

"Yes."

"We need you to go to The Beatin' Dungeon tomorrow night," Chapa instructed him, and the guy readily agreed, hoping to get back to his book. It wasn't like he had much else to do. God knows he didn't fancy wandering the Man's Nest halls again after what happened a few hours earlier, so he nodded casually. Sometimes, it was just nice to be part of something, and painting faces sounded fun. 

"Ho-kay!" He smiled before tapping a remote control in his pocket and rising into the rocky crannies above their heads to read in peace. It was like he couldn't wait to leave...and why did he look so pink?

"You gotta make us some bad guy costumes, Schwozie!--Please!" (y/n) added, calling after him despite how awkward it made her feel. Ray had no shame, smirking at how shy his nosy handyman was when he openly nuzzled his wife's hair, but at least she had the decency to use her manners. If he was embarrassed, she was mortified, remembering how he must've gotten the full show for ten seconds before they realised what was happening. It made her face feel like lava...

"Ho-kay..." his meek response shouted back, burying his burning nose into the pages of Ray's early career before those horrifically vivid memories returned. 

"And you gotta let us adopt a dog!" Bose shouted, nudging (y/n) as she giggled and nodded enthusiastically, much to her husband's exasperation. Two against one was hardly fair...

"No-kay!" 

"Fine! But if I steal another garden gnome to fill the void inside me, it's your fault!" The boy snapped harshly before whipping around and storming out of the Nest--throwing an utter tantrum, much to his friends' confusion. 

Well, at least Schwoz was on his side, even if he'd spent the morning burning bed sheets and scrubbing the walls, floors, tables, and chairs. Who knows what had been defiled? He certainly didn't want to think about it. 

~The next day~

Sometime later, Schowz had forgotten about his blushes. Of course, he'd never forget the embarrassment, avoiding eye contact as he dashed around the room, but he had a job. He couldn't prepare their covert mission if his eyes were on the floor, so he soon jumped to it, fiddling with God knows what as the kids ran riot around the room. 

They were bored, numbingly so, almost bored to tears by the time he was nearly ready, prodding and poking (y/n) as she patiently waited for their disguises to be finished. Schwoz's unique gumballs took time, but finally, they were ready, making Miles bound up to Bose as the long-haired boy relaxed in the chair near his mini locker. 

"Bose! Get over here! Schwoz is giving us our bad guy costumes!"

"Swet! We bad guys now?" He asked, quickly standing up and following his friend as he tossed his headphones into Chapa's chair since he didn't need them anymore. 

The girls gathered around, too, having sat around the couch table, nattering about this and that--mainly gossiping about what Ray was like behind closed doors. Even the surly girl couldn't help but lean in close when Mika asked if he was a sweetheart. However, she regretted her choice when the heroine gushed about her ever-loving husband and all the beautiful things he did for her - supposedly. 

"No, we're still good. We just need to look all mean and evil," (y/n) explained, petting the boy as he smiled pleasantly, looking slightly confused. As if they'd ever stoop so low...the thought of all those dark and angsty clothes and rude attitudes made her nose wrinkle. 

"So, we can go undercover to Villains Only Night at the Beatin' Dungeon..."

"And find whoever stole those books from the library," Mika and Chapa explained, even though they'd run through this fifty times. It was like he never learned or didn't listen, or perhaps he was just a bit slow. 

"Okay, cool! I just came up with a great bad guy persona for myself..." Bose noted as Schwoz slowly came over with a tray of five glowing gumballs, all coded with whatever outfit he'd assigned for them. It had taken him hours to perfect his craft; the kid's suggestion was late and awkward. "I want to be...Bad Bose!"

"That's definitely bad, but not in the way you're thinking," Mika retorted, trying to spare his feelings, even as they chuckled at the terrible name. It made him happy - Schwoz, on the other hand...

"Oh, I'm not thinking at all. That's my secret..."

"It took me all night to make these bad guy gumballs, so the rule is you get what you get, and you don't get upset," the genius told them, barely glancing at the woman, but he stared at the children. They were more likely to complain since (y/n) didn't have a single argumentative bone in her body, not after he'd seen more of it than he ever wanted to. 

Danger Force argued otherwise, building up their expectations for their big night, and their costumes had to be good. If Schwoz had given them something awful, he'd hear about it. 

"No frowny-making, no head-shaking, no bellyaching, no offence-taking. You just chew and blow, and off you go!" He said curtly, hoping to get some peace and quiet whilst they were out - a chance to get the trauma he'd witnessed out of his head. He strolled along the lineup, handing each superhero a gumball with their assigned persona, and they all peered at the funky candy suspiciously. Would they really be satisfied with what he'd chosen? 

There was only one way to find out: swallowing the gumball and chewing quickly before blowing their bubbles. Much like when they transformed into their super-suits, the costumes materialised them, ranging from creepy to cool to downright weird. Everything was dark, sharp, and dangerous, with thick makeup and crazy wigs shielding their identities whilst giving that criminal aesthetic. They definitely looked like criminals - it was almost scary. 

"Nice..."

"What have you done to me?!"

"Love this!"

"I look so angsty..." There were mixed responses, with Chapa and Bose loving their new looks, while (y/n), Chapa, and Miles weren't so impressed. They walked the path of righteousness, and looking so evil wasn't their style, especially when the boy's outfit looked so...kooky. Like some kind of psycho hillbilly, Miles looked ridiculous in a bright red shirt and overalls with a silly little brown cowboy hat and, worse, a long, frizzy, coarse beard, which was so long it went down to his knees like a hairy waterfall. 

"You are Weird Beard...because your beard is weeeeeeeeird," Schwoz giggled to himself, tugging on Miles' thick, glued-on facial hair, much to the boy's annoyance, especially when he heard the mockery. It tickled his face and pulled on his skin, not to mention how it caught between his legs and nearly made him trip, so indeed, he could've come up with something better than that. 

"Dah-dah-dah--what did I say?" But he couldn't complain when Schwoz shook his finger in his face, angered by how he threw his head back and groaned loudly. 

"I mean, I love it," Miles replied dryly, looking less than in love with his costume, but what could he do? He'd just have to look like some hick in his country-style clothes and ignore how much he hated the weird, irritating beard. 

"Good!" Schwoz smiled before moving on to Mika, who looked particularly frantic with her hideously malicious-looking costume. 

(y/n) had never seen her in something so dark and creepy, what with her all-black, all-denim jeans and jacket covered in strategically placed barbed wire. It wrapped around her legs and looped around her waist before crossing her chest in an intricately dangerous design that would scratch anyone who came too close. It even snaked into her hair - a tall, crazy wig that stretched to the ceiling, thanks to three cans of hairspray. 

Her makeup consisted of smoky eyeshadow, black lipstick, and delicately painted tattoos, spooking everyone who saw her, including herself, and she freaked at the thought of being so...mean. 

"Why is mine so scary?!" She asked Schwoz in a panicked voice, feeling miles away from her usual bright, cheery, approachable attire. 

"Because you're a villain--The Mangler!" He told her like it was obvious, having said that they needed to look scary, so he made her look terrifying. Honestly, some people were so ungrateful...

"I know, but does it have to be this scary? What if I was something like...The Pretty Bad Pony?! Or just...The Pretty Pony?--" She rambled, praying for something pink, glittery, and girlish, but Schwoz ignored her. He brushed past without another word, leaving her disguise as it was since she was meant to look devilish, not like a My Little Pony. 

"You're The Mangler! This is your mangling stick..." he told her firmly before passing over a disgusting-looking lump of wood. It was like a snatched plank of wood, so splintery and rotten that he needed to wrap a bandage around the end to protect her soft little hands. That and the other end was riddled with rusty nails and more barbed wire, which would undoubtedly give anyone tetanus if they were scratched or pierced by the macabre shards of metal. 

"Is this dried blood?" Mika gulped as she inspected her signature weapon, only to feel the sticky, smelly substance smeared on her fingertips, and she knew blood when she saw it. Where and what had he been doing with it?

"Yes, it will dry eventually." The thought could make her vomit, but he quickly smiled at Chapa, who didn't look too different in her terrifying clothing. 

"You are El Stabador..." he explained, gesturing to her black jacket and breeches, which looked like an emo matador costume with brassy buttons and smart, patent leather shoes. But there were metal spikes on her shoulders, half a demonic skull face painted on her face, and her hair had been styled and sprayed into a spiky quiff. So, coupled with her usual terrifying scowl, she looked terrifying, much to her delight since everyone always insisted on looking so cute and cuddly. 

"¡Claro que sí! Y mi destino es--" She grinned, calling upon her inner Latina since these were the clothes of her ancestors, not that Schwoz gave two shits. He quickly looked at Bose, who had to be the strangest out of the kids, wearing something that could've only come from the genius' diseased imagination. 

"And you are a Yerban Santa Claus, who takes to us from kids, then punches them," he described to the overjoyed boy, who loved his freaky getup. 

He got to wear a thick, furry suit that made him look like half-man, half-bear, except for his wild, bushy wig, which protruded two curled horns. His face looked hideous, changed into a horrifying snarl, thanks to thick white face paint, arched eyebrows, and a prosthetic nose. No one could ever see through the disguise, and he even freaked (y/n) out a little bit as she hovered beside him. 

"I can do that. Do I get a bloody stick?" 

"Yes!" Mika nodded quickly, instantly offering him her mangling stick before it made her sick, and it nearly took off Bose's fake nose as she waved it under his chin. 

"Watch where you wave that thing, guys..." (y/n) remarked as she jumped back, scared to take a nail to the eye as Bose twirled it through the air like a magic wand; only she'd need more than witchcraft to patch up whatever damage that thing did. Her costume was cute yet creepy, a subtle order from Ray since he didn't want his sweet girl to be too far out of her comfort zone, so Schowz had gone down a classic horror movie route. 

"(y/n), tonight, you will be Doll Face..." Schwoz told her without meeting her eye, a faint blush dusted on his cheeks as (y/n) clutched a morbidly gory teddy bear dotted with blood and gouged slightly to look extra scary. It was like something from a slasher film, and she felt like another person as her palms sweated in her black gloves. 

But that was her whole aesthetic as a frighteningly creepy little girl, clad in her gothic, lolita dress, knee-high mesh stockings, heeled boots, and a black wig, plaited into two braids that hung beside her drawn, gaunt face. Her lips were painted a deep red, and there was a teardrop and a heart stained on her skin for a toy-like effect, completing her possessed dolly appearance. 

"Hopefully, never again..." she muttered as she smoothed out the imaginary wrinkles in her skirt, ignoring how Schowz skedaddled away before he could look at her too much, cheeks flaming with mortification. God, he needed to get over himself; what did he think married couples did when they had a few hours to themselves?

"Okay, time to head to The Beatin' Dungeon..."

"Hang on, we're missing our resident doofus." (y/n) stopped everyone before the genius could shove them out of the door because, as much as everyone thought he was an idiot, she knew his strength and experience would be invaluable as they entered enemy territory. And, speaking of the devil...

A loud, shrill, cawing sound came from the hallway across the room, seeming like a bird with a sore throat was trapped behind the steel door. Of course, it was just Ray, who was over the moon with how ridiculous and bizarre his specially designed disguise was. 

He'd made it himself, but that didn't come as a surprise as the door slowly ascended to reveal his...bird costume. Like some kind of feathered Batman, he had a thick, dark hood over his head, which cast a shadow over his masked face since he didn't want to risk anyone recognising him. His nose was made to look like a hooked beak, matching the long, greyish-black feathers stitched onto his sleeves to give him a bird-like appearance. Well, a bird wearing a brown waistcoat and slacks, that is. 

"Oh...I forgot about Ray," Schwoz grumbled as the man dramatically revealed himself, much to (y/n)'s, even though she didn't like how creepy everyone looked. She skipped over to him, throwing her arms around his shoulders, uncaring of his need for dramatic flare since it had been a whole hour since they'd rolled out of bed, and that was the last she saw him. 

But, as much as she wanted to embrace him, hold him close, and kiss him, Ray was a little too into his new role. 

"Ray no longer exists. He's been re-hatched...as Hawkfist!" He growled in a throaty voice, looking effortlessly cool and mysterious with his makeup and hood, but his name, attitude, and vibe...they were tragic. And (y/n) pouted as he boldly stood before her, brushing away her arms when she went for a hug so that he could pose and scowl like some wronged vigilante with a tragic backstory. 

"Doofus!" She complained, looking petulant in her childlike attire as she stamped her booted foot and crossed her arms to the backtrack of his shrill caw-caw! He was so busy trying to convince everyone that his outfit was cool that he didn't think twice about his beloved wife, not even as she pursed her lips and frowned, scuffing her heel against the ground. 

"Hatched? So...you were once an egg?" Miles questioned flatly as the children stood there with Schwoz, unimpressed and unresponsive, save that they felt a little sorry for (y/n) as she pouted, jilted and lonely. 

"I guess," Ray replied, having not really thought anything through except he wanted to be mysterious and foreboding. 

"And if you're re-hatched...that means you hatched twice?" Chapa added with a slight smirk when she realised how stupid his character was and how he stumbled when they pointed it out. There was no arguing with him, but God, he was so easy to wind up. 

"If that's what I said, then yes," the hero sniffed, trying to stay calm under pressure, but they kept going. 

"Do hawks even have fists?" Mika asked, folding her arms as she ridiculed him without mercy--anything to make him antsy since he upset her friend when all she wanted was a little affection. Perhaps that was petty, but that outfit was awful, clearly something from his mind and not Schwoz's.

"This one does."

"So, who were your parents?" Bose furthered, prompting the hero to become properly annoyed with their incessant questioning when he really didn't know the answer. 

"I don't know! A hawk and a fist--why don't you guys shut up?!" He growled defensively, hands still clenched by his face, although he didn't feel as epic now. If anything, he regretted his costume choice, wishing he'd gone with something that made more sense, but it was too late - the mockery didn't stop. 

"Because we have a lot of questions about...this," Miles retorted, vaguely gesturing to all of him--the entire weird ensemble. 

"There's no time. To The Beatin' Dungeon! Caw-caw!" Ray declared, desperate to avoid the awkward situation as he clawed the air and shrieked that awful shriek. 

It was loud enough to deafen everyone as he flapped toward his sweet girl, suddenly overcome with the need to hold her in his arms after an hour apart. He'd had his moment of glory, and now, he focused on her, beak-like face turning into a smile as he went to embrace her and find those honeyed lips. Yet, to his surprise and almost disgust, when his hands found her hips, she pushed them away and stubbornly stuck her nose in the air. It was a shock to all who watched, not just the baffled hero. 

"Sweet girl? I wanna kiss..." he mumbled, leaning in again with hooded eyes and a voracious hunger, but (y/n) was in the mood to play. Even if it was slightly childish, she wanted to teach him a lesson for leaving her hanging, no matter how much she craved his lips against hers. 

"Sorry, Hawkfist, but I only kiss my husband," she replied firmly, but there was a hint of teasing behind her tone. His face fell in disappointment and confusion, which slightly tugged on her heartstrings, but she stood fast, even when those big, warm hands rubbed her hips suggestively. 

"But that's me...we got married." Ray pouted, hugging his beloved wife closer as he reflected on his life's best, most precious day. He waited years to make her his, so to be denied what his heart truly desired was devastating. 

"You said Ray no longer exists. I suppose that makes me a widow, right?"

"Never." His reply was instantaneous and absolute, his grip tightening on her skin as his brow furrowed. He'd never leave her, and he wrinkled his nose at how she so obviously teased him, looping her arms around his shoulders and grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Of course, their wedding rings would still sparkle if they wore them under their costumes, and he hated how everyone poked fun at his choice. 

"I'll kiss my doofus," (y/n) declared, withholding her lips when he tried to lean in again by using her fingers as a barrier. He kissed her palm instead, making her tummy tingle, and the children rolled their eyes at how disgustingly affectionate they were. She was adamant that she'd kiss the man she married, her beloved Ray, especially when he did that silly voice. 

"That's me."

"He doesn't speak like that. Do you need a lozenge or something?" She retorted upon hearing his husky, Hawkfist tone, thinking it sounded like he had a sore throat, even if the slight possessive note made her gulp. She loved whenever those baritone notes of his hit her ears, how he teased her, and how he whispered such loving words, none of which was the same if he kept playing the role. 

"I want a kiss, sweet girl..." the hero demanded sternly, now craving her honey more than ever, although it still eluded him that he'd unknowingly ignored her first advances. He wasn't a patient man, but (y/n)? She had all the time in the world. 

"And I want my husband, so I guess we're at a stalemate."

"Guess so..." He shrugged, settling for a mere peck on the forehead when she flat-out refused, giving a steadfastly stubborn and challenging look as he gazed down at her. Still, he noticed how her eyes fluttered shut when his lips met her skin, and that was enough to tell him of her love and how this was just a game. Perhaps it would make everything sweeter in the end, but nothing was more precious than her...

"You'll want one soon, though, pretty girl. Caw-caw!" With one final shrill - since he couldn't get what he wanted most - Ray took off with a slight pout, skipping and flapping his wings as he headed to the door. It was pretty comical to watch, given that he was a grown man prancing around like a child. Yet, when he ran toward the mountainside without slowing down, it was painfully obvious what the doofus planned to do. 

"Wait, Ray, you can't fly, you big doofus!" His beloved wife cried after him, and it delayed him a little. She was the only one he'd ever wait for, but even so, in his pouty, doofy state, Ray didn't have his thinking hat on. 

"Ray can't--but Hawkfist can! Caw-caw!" He growled determinedly, keen to show them his costume's brilliance, but it couldn't work miracles. For all his talents and prowess, not even Captain Man could sport wings and fly, not even to impress his sweet girl. 

"Raymond! That's the mountain! Don't be a doofus all your li--oh my god!" She yelled, yet it was too late. Ray was too far gone, leaping through the doors without a second thought for safety or his friends' advice. No, it was a great idea...until his indestructible, if squishy, body took the first blow on the steep, craggy rock face. 

The first cries of pain reached their ears, and it was more than (y/n) could bear, forcing herself to hide her face in Schwoz's shoulder. 

Damn, their embarrassment; she hated the thought of her doofus rolling down the mountain like a bouncy ball, no matter his indestructibility. He smelled like engine oil and paint - like every handyman she'd ever met - and it was oddly comforting, especially when he kindly wrapped a friendly arm around her shoulders. Chapa found it hilarious, struggling to smother her giggles in front of her friend, but (y/n) only heard her lover and his anguished cries. 

Remind her never to withhold his kisses again, although she'd definitely kiss his boo-boos better. Anything for her doofus. 

~The Beatin' Dungeon~

This place never changes...

(y/n) thought to herself as she immersed herself in the dark, dirty, dangerous converted warehouse that was The Beatin' Dungeon. It had everything a villain could want: spare rooms for evil rendezvouses, a grungy, rundown bar, plenty of fighting gear, and enough space for criminal misdeeds. 

They could whisper and plot anything in the shadows without worrying about the cops infiltrating the premises. No one got past the guards at the front door, who scrupulously turned away anyone they deemed a goody-two-shoes. No superheroes would pass the threshold on their watch, allowing their villainous colleagues to gather in their swarms on the inside. That is, if six supers didn't sneak in...

God, she remembered everything about The Beatin' Dungeon as she stuck to Ray's--or Hawkfist--side, dodging every mean, ugly mug that glared her way when they navigated through the swathes of people. She barely liked parties as it was, but this was way beyond her depth - pretending to be evil, enjoying it even, but he commanded their chitchat effortlessly. 

Ray was a natural, probing and interrogating every asshole who dared to get in his path as the children followed his lead. With a hand on the small of his wife's back, the hooded hero and Doll Face mingled politely, trying to dig deeper whilst keeping an eye on Danger Force. There were three very simple rules: don't hit the bar, don't get caught, and don't die. (y/n) didn't think that was much to ask as she briefly hugged each kid and sent them off, stressing to her doofus that it was like sending lambs to the slaughter--into the lion's den. 

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I don't think this is a good idea. I mean, look, that woman's looking at Chapa funny--I should go over there and knock her out--You know what? I'mma knock her out--"

"Sweet girl..." A calm, reassuring voice broke the heroine out of her ramble, and she glanced up to see her husband giving her a warm gaze. It didn't look right with his sharp makeup and dark hood, but those crystal blue eyes looked the same, looking at her with so much love as he called out and stroked his hand up and down her lower back. 

"Everything's fine. Just stay cool...and don't use our real names."

"Right, sorry...but are you sure? El Stabador--" (y/n) bit her lip, trying not to let the place's stench throw her guts up, but her worry sorted that. The girl stood next to a particularly cruel-looking woman near some barstools, much further away than Miles across the room or Bose, who hovered near his teachers. Boy, she didn't look happy when Chapa accidentally nudged her elbow, thus slipping some of her drink. 

"She's fine, darlin'. If any of the kids can handle themselves, it's her," Ray told her with a chuckle, noticing how the girl didn't even look bothered, giving the villainess such an intense glare that she looked away all sheepish. 

He knew he wasn't supposed to be too affectionate in public like this; after all, no one knew Hawkfist and Doll Face were married, and he didn't want any connections made, just in case. But it was damn tricky pretending to not be in love with her, especially when she worried in that pretty little head of hers. It was in her nature, yet even he couldn't help but keep four eyes on each child in a hole such as this, peering over a buffet table as his wards chatted with the scum he fought to keep behind bars. 

"True..." The woman nodded, pinching a tortilla chip from the table to nibble on as Ray and Bose exchanged a subtle glance to check in on each other. 

They nodded slightly, not wanting to get caught knowing the other, but Villains Only Night had been a dud. No one was particularly interesting, and there was only so much face-painting the man could sit through. 

"You guys look weird!" (y/n) hissed when they nodded slightly too much, looking too manic, even for a villain's gathering. 

"Stop it!" Ray ordered Bose sharply, ignoring the weird kid by storming off with his beloved wife in tow. he was too stupid to cause too much damage, and knowing Bose, he'd blow their cover, so they sought refuge in another corner, passing Chapa on their way. 

There were a few familiar faces here and there, some they'd faced in the past, but primarily the criminals they'd fought with Kid Danger when they last visited. None would be glad to learn that Captain Man and Miss Danger had brought their little protégés to the party, not when they clearly weren't invited, so they kept their eyes low and pretended to flirt like enamoured strangers. 

"Hello? Hi! Can I have everyone's attention, please?" A loud yet pleasant voice yelled above the room's buzz, belonging to a smiling man standing on a stool. He looked nice enough, beaming at his villainous friends in a bloodstained white apron and cap, looking almost friendly, but (y/n) knew better. 

He was The Butcher, and for all his niceties, he held some dark, disturbing secrets. 

"For those of you that don't know, I am The Butcher, and I just want to give everybody a big thank you for attending Villains Only Night!" He announced to rapturous applause, although someone was a little trigger-happy. No sooner than he'd finished speaking, a fire-propelled axe whizzed past his face, narrowly missing his nose as a fresh-faced yet utterly psychotic girl giggled. 

"Whoa! Simmer down there, Betty Blades!"

"I throw rocket blades!" She grinned like it was something to brag about, her sinister, crazy-eyed expression making (y/n) snuggle closer to Ray's side. That toothy snarl made her shiver...and they were supposed to be friends with these people. 

"And we love you for it!"

"I don't..." she muttered under her breath, only heard by her husband as he squeezed her hip and brushed his lips briefly against her temple. Still, glancing around the room, she couldn't see anyone else disagreeing; the villains loved her little blade-throwing trick. Now that she could look properly, no one looked like a book thief. This would be challenging...

"But tonight is about our evil community coming together to say, hey! We're bad people, but we're still people," The Butcher added warmly, much to his counterparts' delight. They'd toast to that, cheering and clapping his words with reverent enthusiasm, and the incognito heroes mimicked them quickly, no matter how much they disagreed. 

"And we must give a big thank you to our free evil face-painter!" Everyone glanced off to the side, where Schwoz stood by a tall chair in his dastardly disguise in a shady, quiet little corner. 

He had a client in the seat, creating a masterpiece on his face without anyone suspecting his true identity; no one would know Captain Man's handy was under that chocolate bubble afro and eyepatch - even the kids failed to recognise him with that beard and those flared jeans, too. He was supposed to look like some painter, not that they'd ever heard of him, but he looked happy at the villains' applause. 

"Now, what I want everyone to do is to talk to three villains you haven't talked to before because an evil stranger is just an evil friend you haven't met yet! So, go out there, be on your worst behaviour, and have fun! But not too much fun, okay?"

It made Ray sick, sneering at all the happy crooks around him. He spent all his adult life trying to lock these scumbags up, and here he was, frolicking amongst them as they made buddies over beers. He was almost glad when that Betty Blades girl nearly took off The Butcher's head again, slicing the air with another deadly, flying blade. He didn't care; if anything, she made his job easier, but of course, the morons laughed it off like it was nothing. 

"Betty!..." Someone kill him. This was excruciating.

~

And it didn't get any easier. Following the crowd, the heroes and Danger Force split up to mingle amongst the gathering, making friends and glad-handing with people they'd typically punch in the face. It was difficult, but they managed by gritting their teeth and getting on with it, telling themselves they needed intell to find the book thief. 

Ray stuck with his sweet girl, not wanting to leave her alone for a moment in such a dirty and dank place, so she accompanied him to meet several minor and emerging villains, most of whom weren't much of a threat. It was challenging for them for a different reason - no kissing. Apparently, it wasn't dignified or wicked, so, much to the man's disappointment, there was a strict hand-on-small-of-back policy in force, and he was lucky. 

Soon, the couple found themselves talking to two familiar faces, who, according to their sticky name tags, were Lizard Boy and Lizard Girl, twins who thought the best aesthetic was to look like two reptilian freaks. They were peculiar characters dressed to look almost identical with their green, scaly skin, flickering tongues, catlike eyes, smooth heads, and odd mannerisms. They were creepy the last time, and (y/n) still hated shaking hands with the slimy individuals. 

"No, no, I love the name Hawkfist..." Lizard Boy said awkwardly as he and his sister chatted with the new villains in town, flicking their tongues through their drinks. There was something familiar about them, but he pushed it to the back of his mind as they went through the usual formal introductions. 

"'Preciate that..." Ray replied gruffly, hand never straying from Danger Force's waist as Chapa loitered near them. She was only there because they wanted to keep an eye on her. Still, she supposed watching Ray struggle with his disguise was entertainment enough, smirking as everyone they met gave wobbly smiles upon hearing the terrible name. 

"But do hawks have...fists?" Lizard Girl asked, proving El Stabador's point as (y/n) cringed into her punch. That had to sting...

"Yes!" 

"I told you no one would get it," Chapa told her teacher knowingly as he threw his hands up into the air in frustration, fed up with telling every asshole he came across that it made sense. His pretty girl tried To comfort him, bless her, hugging his arm a little too closely to be considered anything less than a girlfriend. Yet, the twins didn't notice, thinking it was sweet to see young, evil love, even if that Danger Force was more sweet than sour. 

"I told you to shut up!" The hero yelled after the girl as she sauntered off to go and find her friends--or at least someone more interesting than a guy in a fucking bird suit. She didn't look back as she walked away, leaving (y/n) to babysit her husband and exchange small talk in an even more awkward situation, the Lizards looking anywhere but their new acquaintances. 

"What about Nighthawk?" Lizard Boy suggested - anything to move the conversation on now that creepy little girl had left. 

"Look, you don't think there's a day goes by that I don't regret naming myself Hawkfist?" Ray replied harshly, wishing he'd never bothered and stayed home, where he could be in bed, snuggled up with his precious wife if it wasn't for those goody-two-shoes kids and their big ideas about libraries. But the suggestions kept coming...

"Or maybe Hawk-ules?"

"Oooh, 'cause you're a hawk, but you're strong!" The reptilian twins said excitedly, flexing their arms as Ray pondered the suggestion. It sounded much more inventive and cool than he'd imagined, and although he'd introduced himself as Hawkfist all night, he changed his mind in the blink of an eye. 

"Okay, love that...New name! I'm Hawkules now! New name! Hawkules! That's me..." 

"Oh, doofus..." (y/n) sighed under her breath as she watched him scribble the new persona on a fresh sticky label in his chicken-scratch handwriting once anyone nearby had heard his announcement. Hearing his shrill screech as he slapped it onto his breast to replace the old one made her cringe even harder, flashing the villains a nervous smile to try and smooth things over. 

"He does this a lot..."

"Oh, it's fine!" Lizard Girl smiled at the cute villainess, sensing she had great potential lurking behind that innocent schoolgirl-like smile. She was probably utterly heinous beneath that goody-goody exterior if her creepy costume was anything to go by. 

"You two are so cute together! How long have you been dating?" 

"I beg your pardon?" The question caught (y/n) off-guard, forcing her eyes to snap to the crinkled ones belonging to the other woman, who meant no harm.

"You and your boyfriend... He is your boyfriend, right? Or...are you single?" She and her brother were genuinely curious, but this was dangerous territory, straying too close to reality for comfort. Neither hero missed how the Lizard Boy looked Doll Face up and down, a slight smirk to his grin, and it didn't take a genius to work out what he was angling at, much to Ray's fury. 

Still, she couldn't stand there and say nothing. That would make her look weird, yet it was precisely what she did, her face a picture of terror as the Lizard twins kept smiling. 

"She's my girlfriend! Definitely my girlfriend. My girlfriend...right...babe?" Ray exclaimed gruffly as he thankfully stepped in to save his wife's embarrassment, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close as he grinned. Another move from Captain Subtle, but it got that scaly bastard to back off, pecking her cheek for good measure, even though his pet name didn't seem right. 

He never called her babe, not once, not ever. It was too simple and common, and his sweet girl was more than just some high school boy's babe. She was more than that, so he called her things infinitely more precious, but they couldn't know that. This was Doll Face, girlfriend of Hawkfist--or Hawkules--not (y/n) Manchester, his wife. 

"Huh? I...I mean, sure, honey, we're boyfriend and girlfriend. We've been dating for ages," the woman agreed hastily once her brain processed the confusing sentence because he made it sound like he wasn't even talking to her. She hated that - babe - but her smile stayed bright and pleasant as she hugged her gory teddy bear. 

"So cute! How did you meet? It's not easy to find love when you're wreaking havoc..."

"Oh, yeah, totally..." (y/n) nodded, tensing when her new friend placed a cold, slimy hand on her bare forearm. Still, she ignored it to focus on creating her false narrative - her and Hawkfist's love story in another life. 

"We met...on the job."

"Oh, really?" Lizard Boy blinked in surprise, still feeling disappointed that the cutie was a taken girl. Still, he could deal with it, not wanting to get on the wrong side of the temperamental man before him. Yet, it was rare for villains to date so openly, given the dangers that came with the job, and it wasn't like their personas made them approachable people. 

"Yes! I was robbing a bank and in strolls this lil' beauty. She put the money in the bag and stole my keys before driving away in my car...Took my heart with her." Ray sighed wistfully as he finished his elaborate recollection, so impressive and detailed that even (y/n) believed him a bit, snuggling into his side a little more as the villains melted and cooed. 

But it wasn't like he had to pretend; his sweet girl made it so easy for him to love her that he didn't need to fake his adoration. It came straight from his heart, so he only needed a few white lies. 

"Wow... that's so...romantic."

"Isn't it?" (y/n) exclaimed through gritted teeth, thinking her doofus sounded so effortlessly enamoured that it was almost stupid--almost unbelievable. Villains didn't get happily ever afters, at least not in her books, so she had to make it more realistic, smirking at her so-called boyfriend as she thickened the plot. 

"Too bad Captain Man stopped me in my getaway car. I would've never gone back if that...little spandex bastard hadn't foiled my plans." 

Ray's eyebrows twitched into a frown as she openly sullied his good name, but he had to remember this was all make-believe. It cast his mind back to the day they first met when he didn't make an excellent first impression, and he felt lucky to press his lips to hers in a much-needed kiss. 

Meanwhile, the twins hissed and growled as a sour taste settled on their forked tongues at the mention of that man, having met him on one occasion during a brief ceasefire. He was so full of himself. That, and he made every villain's life miserable with Miss Danger constantly on his back - did those two ever take a day off?

"Captain Man! God, I hate him."

"Me too." They grimaced together, breaking the happy couple out of their smooch because Ray couldn't bear that. It was one thing to joke around, but he hated any slander of his beloved alter ego. Did those two even know how hard he worked with Miss Danger by his side?

"Same here. He's just so...dumb and silly. What a doofus, am I right?" (y/n) agreed hesitantly, not wanting to offend her husband. Still, she couldn't swear her allegiance to Captain Man out in the open. They'd tear her limb from limb, and even as she tried to insult him, a stubborn little grin fought its way onto her face, which she worked to try and make sinister. 

"Yeah!"

"Hey, uh, I know we all hate Captain Man, but you guys read his book? It's a pretty great read..." Ray probed sneakily, much to his wife's exasperation. Of all the places to try and pitch that goddamn novel, this had to be the worst, among dozens of criminals who'd never look at anything affiliated with the hero, let alone read it. 

"That dummy wrote a book?" The reptilian guy frowned before laughing cruelly, deepening Ray's hatred as he met his icy gaze. First, he flirted with his wife, and now, this? This asshole was crossing the line. 

"Some say it's a real page-turner," (y/n) commented vaguely as she tried not to gush about the hero or condemn him to spare everyone's feelings. But you could practically cut the tension with a knife, making her shiver as she squeezed her bear tighter and peered at the Lizards from behind her braids. 

"I can't remember the title..." the girl muttered, having never read the book since it was beneath her, but she remembered it from somewhere. And God, it was so sucky to everyone who sadly bought it from the bookstore...well, everyone except Ray. 

"Uh, yeah, it's something like, uh...Man, I Feel Like A Hero, colon, One Captain Man's Journey Of Self-Discovery, parenthesis, A Captain Man-isfesto, asterisk, The True Story Of The Boy Who Became Captain Man, end parenthesis, exclamation point....or something like that."

"That's oddly specific," (y/n) retorted sarcastically as Ray finished his uncanny recollection of the hero's book - so damn detailed that he nailed it down to the punctuation. It was hardly a smooth move, and the heroine could see the surprise on the criminals' faces until they recovered and politely smiled. Luckily, they got away with the small outburst, but Ray didn't half push it. 

"Oh, yeah! We read it in our evil book club. No one made it through chapter one!" Lizard Girl giggled with her brother as Ray watched with a flat, unimpressed expression, utterly disenchanted with their disrespectful mockery as his poor girl had to cringe and bear it. 

"I think you mean Cap-ter one," he replied tersely, but that made them howl more. 

"Oh, that's right! He called the chapters Cap-ters!" (y/n) subtly comforted her husband as the villains giggled to each other, exchanging insults about the hero, not knowing he was glaring at them like his eyes could burn holes in their heads. She squeezed and rubbed her hands against his bicep, hoping he'd see sense and let them have their fun; after all, they were the ones who'd probably put them in jail one day.

"That's so stupid!" 

But Ray couldn't think like that, not when he'd spent too many nights writing that book, burning the candle at both ends when he should've been going to bed with her. He poured his blood, sweat, and tears into it and refused to let them smear all his hard work. So, rather childishly, he slapped the plastic cups out of their hands, glaring at them before his sweet girl's elbow. 

"You're stupid! Caw-caw!" He hissed, to which the Lizards raised their fingers in an elegant, if weird, pose, and the couple turned away, dragging (y/n) 's bear behind her. He'd rather speak to anyone but them, heading toward Schwoz's face-painting corner, only the hero came face-to-face with someone he'd rather forget. 

"Hey there!" Much to Ray's annoyance, a chubby, overly chummy man greeted them. He couldn't help but roll his eyes and groan upon seeing that thatch of grassy hair, leafy green waistcoat, and a t-shirt bursting at the seams since it was pulled tightly over his bulging tummy. The Lawn Ranger: some loser who matched with Captain Man on some superhero-villain dating app, only to be a total catfish. 

He was the bane of Ray's existence, and even though he wouldn't recognise him as Hawkules, he didn't want to deal with him. 

"Doofus, that was rude..." (y/n) noted as Ray tugged her to the bar, hearing Mika on her way past a small group of chattering villains. Like the good girl she was, she was probing about the book thief, casually asking around about anyone who might know their identity, but her doofus wasn't so keen. 

"I don't like him, sweet girl..." he said with a huff, barely watching Mika's excellent work as he placed his hands on her hips and bent down to kiss her gently. She hummed against his lips appreciatively, enjoying his peppermint-bubblegum taste as she cupped his face and pulled her doofus closer. 

No one around them offered any argument, knowing that a few more frisky miscreants were getting it on in the shadowy corners. Ray got her all to himself for a moment, hugging his beloved wife to his chest while his wandering hands explored her curves. He missed her after being so cruelly denied earlier, pecking her lips a few times before pulling away. 

"He's annoying, granted..." the heroine muttered into his mouth, slightly breathless as they rubbed noses and panted. "But you're above being mean, Raymond."

"Don't you mean Hawkules, Doll Face?"

"You're my doofus, doofus. And I don't like being mean or evil. Feels...wrong." She pulled away, wrinkling her nose in mild disgust because hearing him call her that felt wrong. 

She imagined the creepy villainess schwoz had invented for her was rude and malicious, leagues away from Miss Danger so no one would recognise her. And he wasn't the masked birdman he pretended to be; instead, he was the man who kissed her with such affection and reverence like she was a China doll, not some sinister plaything. 

And Ray agreed, smiling as his touch circled her lower back, dangerously dipping to squeeze her butt through the flouncy material of her gothic dress if she didn't immediately bring it back to her waist. With warm and flushed cheeks, they kissed again until the man's lips bore her lipstick, standing them scarlet so (y/n) had to rub his mouth, laughing at the smudged mess, not that he cared. 

"That's because you're too sweet for this villain shit," Ray told her firmly with a squeeze of her hips. "Don't change, darlin'. I love my wife exactly the way she is."

"I love you too..." (y/n) grinned, heart fluttering upon seeing his smile, and she sorely wanted to say, fuck everything, let's go home. What were they doing? Revealing their true, loving, married selves for all these villains to see; they could be at home right now, cuddled up in their pyjamas and matching rings, but no. They had to kiss out in the open, and who knows who was watching?

"Ugh, can you guys get a room?" A disgusted voice came from behind the couple, forcing them to break apart to see a disgruntled girl glaring at them - mainly Ray since he was the ringleader. 

Chapa looked positively nauseated as she joined them, looking more terrifying than usual in her El Stabador costume, and witnessing their revolting love and PDA didn't help. Her lips were curled up in revulsion, arms crossed tightly across her chest, and her hip jutted out as she sneered, daring Ray to make one clever comment about how he should be able to love his wife openly--or some such bullshit. Seeing him eating (y/n) 's face made her want to puke, and she was poised to remind them of their mission. 

"We were minding our own business until you came along..." Ray replied arrogantly, keeping his sweet girl in his embrace while returning Chapa's glare with aching only cold eyes. 

"Look, I'm pretty sure you won't find the book thief at the back of her throat!" She hissed, heating her friend's face further as she thought about how far Ray went - perhaps too far to be considered decent in public. God, those hands made him like an octopus...touching everywhere. 

"There's no harm in trying!" He bit back, creating a furious tirade of back-and-forth biting comments between them since Ray didn't feel accountable to anyone, nor did Chapa. 

"We have a job to do!"

"She's my wife! I'll kiss her if I wa--"

"Both of you, shhhhhhh!" (y/n) suddenly hushed them, pressing a hand over Ray's mouth before shaking the girl's shoulder. They quickly quietened down, albeit with furrowed brows, as the heroine turned in her husband's arms and stared at something - or someone - in the crowd around them. And, for some reason, she wouldn't stop staring, craning her neck to peer over shoulders through gaps and over heads until she could hone in on a particular conversation. 

"Huh? Sweet girl? I'm trying to---" Ray muttered, sad to lose her attention. He tried to spin her back around, convinced that whatever had enthralled her was nothing compared to his kisses. And whilst that might have been true, this was important enough to whack his chest and silence him again lightly. 

"Shhhh! Listen!" She ordered him insistently, pointing weakly to the group where Mika was chatting with some lower-league criminals. None of them were fascinating, neither infamous nor notorious, so the heroes didn't recognise them, barely sparing them a glance until one began bragging about his exploits. 

"...She was just wondering who stole all those books from The Swellview Library."

"Oh, yeah. That was me!" A pasty, nerdy-looking guy boasted, earning chuckles from his listeners, save for Mika. He didn't look like much, hardly the stuff of nightmares in his faux leather jacket, thin-framed glasses, and a pink and grey, splotchy scarf. If anything, he looked like a feather could knock him down, but Ray had seen all villains in his time. But it was rare to find one so cocky at such a young age. 

"I mean, I didn't take all the books. I left Captain Man's stupid one behind!" The nerdy villain, or Steven to his friends, laughed, much to Ray's fury, as he and (y/n) watched silently from the sidelines. Chapa couldn't help but giggle a little - a death wish - still thinking it was hilarious, although the hero's glare soon sobered her up. 

But this was dangerous for Mika, who found herself surrounded by crooks who wouldn't think twice about hurting her if they thought she'd betrayed them. She was more than an arm's length away from her teachers. Help might come too late, yet she'd asked too many questions...

"So, why'd you wanna know?"

"Oh, I just wanted to shake your hand! Because it's such a really good crime to steal books that are already free," the girl congratulated Steven through gritted teeth, squeezing his hand a little too tightly as she violently shook it - nearly knocking the glasses off his face. It took all her strength to smile sweetly, pretending his blatant disrespect and vandalism didn't bother her. 

"I mean, how do you even read all those books?"

"Oh, I don't read any of them," Steven revealed with a mischievous grin, unwittingly torturing the books-smart girl even more. It was more than her job's worth to grin and bear it, although he had to be the biggest jerk she'd ever met. 

"Oh, you don't even read them?! What do you do with all those free books you steal?" She asked hoarsely, peeking behind Steven to see Ray (y/n) and Chapa waiting with bated breath for a chance to step in. She was reassured that they were so close, but the woman fidgeted, counting at least three villains between her and the kid, including Betty and her rocket blades. 

'Oh, I burn some..." the lowlife listed, each terrible misdeed another blow to the girl's heart. What a selfish bas--

"I shred some..." It was like sacrilege, ebbing away at Mika's resilience as she glared at Book Thievin' Steven. She couldn't help it, wanting to punch him or at least shout to the rooftops about how he was the lowest of the low, the scum of the earth, the dirt underneath her boots - literally the loser in school who peaked in fifth grade. But by some miracle, she held her, fists clenched and shoulders shaking as the guy rambled on, bragging about his exploits like they were something to be proud of. 

"Super!"

"But most of the time, I just tear out the pages one by one and use them to wipe my--" Nope, she couldn't take it. That was the last straw. The one that broke the camel's back. The final fuse to Mika's temper. In a fit of fury, she lurched forward and super-screamed with all her might, creating a sonic wave strong enough to blast the speccy-four-eyed freak off his feet. 

He flew across the room, legs kicking in the air, until he perched on a ledge above the main floor, winded, startled and pale as he stared at The Mangler. Or whoever she claimed to be because villain attacking villain? That was not on at Villains Only Night. Mika gulped as she realised her mistake, staring at Steven wide-eyed as he clutched his sore torso before locking eyes with her friends across the room. Not good...

"Face. I was gonna say my face!" He grumbled, frowning at the girl, but she had more significant problems as those who'd witnessed her superpower - every villain in the room - swarmed around her. 

"It's ShoutOut!" The Lawn Ranger cried. Even he, with his mushroom-addled brain, could see through her disguise after pairing her painted face with that superpower, sending shockwaves of murmurs through the evil crowd. 

"Who?"

"She's not a villain. She's in Danger Force!" Everything happened so quickly, and in a flash, Mika faced the expertly sharpened edge of The Butcher's meat cleaver. His expression twisted into a snarl as she tried to remain cool and composed, but a bead of sweat ran down her forehead when she gulped, knowing there was little use in denying it. 

All the girl could do was stay calm and pray for her friends to save her, gaze flickering to them around the room to see their anxious, staunch faces. Well, some of them were helpful and brave; others, not so much. 

"I'm out of here! Byeeeeee!" Schwoz whimpered, pulling a grapple gun from his belt and using it to leap to safety in the rafters. Panic really does expose a man's cowardice, but in fairness, there was little he could do - especially with that eyepatch. He wasn't a fighter nor a great negotiator, so it was best to return to the Man's Nest and leave the work to the professionals. 

Still, the backup would've been nice, and Mika would rather have a friend to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with her as the small army of criminals and evildoers closed in. Brandishing their weapons, they stuck their ugly mugs close to hers, intimidating her from all sides as they wondered how best to deal with her. Her hands instinctively curled around her throat to protect it, nervously swallowing when she saw all the knives, blasters, and other devices designed to end a person's life in the blink of an eye. 

After all, only an idiot would wander into The Beatin' Dungeon during their night...

"We have to do something--we have to do something now!" (y/n) worriedly whispered to Ray and Chapa. Thankfully, no one heard her panic as the villains bickered about how to make ShoutOut pay for her insolence. She fought her heart's desire to march over there and take down any asshole who dared to touch a hair on her precious baby's head. It was reckless and stupid, almost doomed to fail, but she refused to let anyone hurt the girl. 

She'd never lost a kid on her watch, and she didn't intend to start now, a sentiment shared by Ray as his warm hands laid across her shoulders, squeezing gently as he tried to formulate a plan. He'd never show it, but losing one of them would devastate him, not that he'd let anything happen to Mika. 

"Everything will be fine, darlin'. Look, she's okay..." the man reassured her kindly, watching as the villains manhandled the kid to stand facing the wall while deciding what to do with her. He despised how roughly they treated her, practically shoving her through the brickwork. Still, Mika didn't struggle, pressing her blazing cheek to the chilly wall as her captors argued. 

"For now! I swear if Betty Blades starts to get stabby, one of those rocket blades is going right up her a--"

"Relax, (y/n/n)! We can't blow our cover," Chapa told her calmly, motioning for the heroine to stay low and blend in. They'd be no help if they were also suspected, but she got it. She'd rain hell in furious bolts of lightning should they hurt her friend. 

"We just need to think! Besides, it's not like they know what to do with her..." She was right, turning to glance around the rowdy group as they threw psychotic and downright cruel ideas at The Butcher, none of which fitted the crime, but they were satisfying. 

Boiling, garrotting, gouging, purging, disembowelling; all were beastly enough to make (y/n) wanna puke, but no one could make up their mind. Each criminal thought they were better than the other, nearly brawling amongst themselves until their mild-mannered yet menacing leader spoke up. 

"Okay, okay! Now, we've all got lots of evil ideas about what to do with this member of Danger Force that snuck into Villains Only Night," The Butcher yelled above the racket as Miles and Bose tiptoed over to their teachers, looking to Ray and (y/n) for guidance. There wasn't much room for manoeuvring amongst this lot, and even The Lawn Ranger, with all his loserness, wanted in on the action. Sort of. 

"Let's throw grass in her face!" He suggested after courteously raising his hand, only to receive a harmony of groans and eye-rolls. Maybe if she had hay fever, but...

"No, Lawn Ranger! We're not going to--"

"Let's throw grass on her shoulders!" He exclaimed, and even when they turned him down again with exasperated sighs, he didn't stop. The grass was his thing, which was what made him the crappiest villain in Swellview. "Let's throw grass on her head!"

"Okay, it can't be grass every time, buddy," Steven told him gently, not that it soothed the leafy man-baby. Even as he placed a friendly hand on his grass-covered arm, The Lawn Ranger pouted and shook him off, desperate to show his prowess. 

"It comes from the Earth, man, it's good!"

"You know what they should do is get a bunch of battery acid and some steak knives..." Chapa proposed quietly as she, Bose, Miles, Ray, and (y/n) stood at the back of the crowd, pondering their next move as they bickered. That grassy freak bought them some time, but the girl couldn't help but think about what she'd do if she switched to the dark side. 

"Stop!" Miles scolded her, nudging her ribs before he had to her anymore of her idea to melt his sister to death or whatever she had planned. "Honestly, we're not trying to come up with ways to hurt her!"

"We need to save her! What are we gonna do?!" Bose worriedly asked, seeing no way through the horde of angry villains. Yet, Ray, being his usual cocksure self, didn't shrink before a challenge. Oh no, he thrived under pressure, flashing them his signature smirk before his handsome features melted into what was quickly becoming recognisably Hawkfist's scowl. 

"Relax. Hawkfist has a plan."

"Doofus, didn't you change your name to Hawkules? Amongst other things?" (y/n) frowned, barely keeping up with her husband's frequent name changes after she stopped kissing him and focused on Mika instead. He changed his character like a girl changes clothes, ending up with half a dozen sticky labels stuck to his vest. Some were scribbled out until he settled on his latest fancy. 

"Oh, yeah. I changed it again. I'm now The Talon-ted Mr Hawkley." He grinned at her, thinking himself oh-so-clever as he dove past her and wrenched a soft, doughy snack from Miles' palm. He could've swiped one from the dessert table, but that wasn't cool for someone in a Birdman costume. So, he took the doughnut, shrieked and flapped off, but not before smooching (y/n) 's cheek loudly, much to the children's displeasure. 

"Caw-caw!"

"I do not feel comfortable about this plan..." Miles sighed as they watched the hero boldly approach the squabbling villains without backup, forethought, or weapon. They had no idea what he'd planned--if he'd planned anything at all, but they couldn't make a scene, not when he shoved his way through the throng. 

"Oh, Ra--I mean, Hawk-Whatever--don't be a doofus all your life!" B (y/n) called after him, tiptoeing closer to the other villains with the kids tentatively covering her back. 

They couldn't help but get closer, wanting to see the man's big plan, although their better instincts told them to run and hide because it would be a disaster. What was the doughnut for? 

"Quiet! Quiet!" The Butcher shouted, acting as crowd control, not that it worked. The villains kept yelling louder and louder, inching forward as they bayed for ShoutOut's blood - just a little drop for good measure, which they only saw as fair payment. 

But Ray was fearless, elbowing the miscreants out of his way since he'd faced things far grander, far scarier, and far weirder than they were. He wouldn't call any of them truly great villains, hardly Doctor Minyak, The Toddler, or Frankini. Still, they had strength in their numbers, not that it bothered him. He had a pretty lady watching his every move. He didn't have room to slip up. 

"All right, everybody--let's cut the chatter!" He bellowed, and surprisingly, what didn't work on a classroom of tweens beautifully commanded a warehouse full of creeps and crooks. The villains fell silent, vastly boosting his ego as he smirked and preened, making his wife roll her eyes. 

"Nice..." he added huskily, unknowingly causing (y/n) to flutter in her tummy when a minuscule smile tweaked his lips. So damn handsome, even in that ridiculous outfit. 

"All right, The Talon-ted Mr Hawkley will deal with this girl."

"Who's that, Hawkfist?" The Lizard Girl asked, mirroring the confused expressions around the rooms upon hearing the new name. He'd changed it so many times that no one could keep up with whoever he was now, still caught up on his first - and most memorable - nickname. 

"Me!" Ray replied gruffly, utterly fed up with those two reptilian weirdos and how they always seemed to hang around him like an unwanted bad smell. 

"I thought you were Hawkules--"

"Ugh, moving on! I'm gonna scratch this girl, and she will bleed!" The hero sneered, brandishing the sharp talons stitched into his gloves and prompting panic and terror in Mika as the villains cheered. The children glanced at (y/n) worriedly, concerned at the mention of blood. But she couldn't help them, looking just as antsy at her husband's risky plan as everyone else while the girl shivered. 

"Okay, ShoutOut. Get ready to feel my talon punch!" 

"Shouldn't your talons be on your feet?" The Lizard Girl butted in again, being pedantic when Ray was trying to be cool. He turned to her with a vicious snarl, rolling his eyes at every little interruption. 

"Oh my God, whatever! Just let me do this--shut up! Caw-caw!" With no more rude interruptions, he spun and gently raked his fingers down Mika's back. 

It felt more like a massage than a relentless attack, nails slightly digging into her skin. Still, not to the point of pain, but to any onlooker, it appeared like he was cruelly clawing at her body. The villains cheered and egged him on, and Mika quickly followed Ray's lead, pretending he was hurting her as he growled and moved his talons faster. 

"Oh, no! I'm being scratched, yeah!"

"Get her, Hawkules!" The Lawn Ranger shouted, much to Ray's displeasure, as he briefly paused his so-called assault to give him an icy look. God, he hated that guy. 

"That's three names ago. Try to keep up!" He snarled before returning to his work, ignorant of the loser's attempt at an apology. Still, Mika played her role very well, faking her cries of pain and pretending to curl into the wall to shield herself as much as possible. It was brutal to watch, and the criminals loved it, roaring and applauding Hawk-guy's work, even as Danger Force loitered on the sidelines. 

"I'm definitely bleeding!" She gasped as Ray snuck his stolen doughnut under his jacket's wing, squishing the sweet pastry over her costume until the red jelly filling was smeared across her back. He took inspiration from Bose's stupidity, and when she collapsed from the agony, it really looked like he'd torn her skin to ribbons - scarlet dribbles everywhere. 

"Oh, but I am so very defeated!" The girl remarked flatly as she weakly lay on the floor with Hawkfist looming over her. His fingers were covered in jelly, all sticky and dripping in a morbid sight, which was a bit confusing for the throngs of evildoers around them. No matter how much their feathered friend hyped up his dirty hands and defeated foe, they'd never known one of Captain Man's protégés to go down so quickly. 

Still, if he could make a swift exit, no one need know any different...

"Okay, then, I'm just gonna take her back to my lair and feed her to my baby birds," Ray growled to the villains, bending down to grab Mika and drag her home. The kids didn't want to know who the baby birds were, but they waited patiently, eager to leave, when Betty Blades piped up, a suspicious snarl on her lips. 

"Wait a second!"

"What?" Ray asked nervously, having no choice but to let Mika lay there as the psychotic brunette marched up to him and swiped her bony finger through the red mess coating his fingers. 

Everyone grimaced when she brought the apparent blood to her lips. Still, Betty frowned when the strangely sweet and oddly delicious flavour hit her tongue. It wasn't metallic or gross but tart and sugary, crinkling her eyebrows at the deception. 

"It tastes sweet..." she remarked, much to her comrades' confusion. 

"Of course it does! The taste of victory is always sweet!" The hero remarked with a voice full of confidence, acting as if her discovery didn't phase him at all. He played it off well, but one glance at his sweet girl through the crowd and (y/n) saw the panic behind his eyes, knowing that his big plan was slowly unravelling. 

"Yeah, but that's just jelly."

"What?" He scoffed, acting innocent and dumb as the villains around them laughed slightly, thinking it was some big prank. But Betty narrowed her eyes at him, sensing something was wrong with that perfect smile - perhaps too perfect for a supervillain. 

"Raspberry, if I'm not mistaken."

"The Talon-ted Mr Hawkley must've used that doughnut!" The Butcher pointed out with a sinister smirk, causing everyone to gasp as they saw the squashed, empty pastry on the floor next to ShoutOut's limp body. They glared at Ray, not knowing whether to deem him an intruder or a phoney. Still, either way, the man was stuck between a rock and a hard place - very much in no position to convince them otherwise. 

"No, I didn't!"

"But you did, though. Right before you fake-scratched her."

"And un-stuck her from the wall," The Lizard Twins hissed, folding their arms coldly as Ray struggled to think of a witty, believable comeback--and his sidekicks were no help. They couldn't get to him even if they wanted to, and honestly, a twinge of fear settled into his gut. 

"Are you even a real villain, bro?" Some guy in the crowd asked, which was a bit rich, given that Ray didn't even recognise him. He could say the same in return, even if it was suicidal. 

"What does this say? Huh?" He replied curtly, pointing to one of the many sticky labels on his chest. Yet, because he didn't look where he was pointing and had so many name changes, he accidentally chose an old one that didn't last very long since it was a bit...lame. 

"I have no idea."

"You kept scratching out your villain names and giving yourself new ones."

"Does one of them say, Hawklate Milk?" Betty Blades asked with a slight, mocking smirk, and the man quickly covered the unfortunate label, licking his finger and rubbing it to try and remove the ink. 

"Maybe..."

"That's dumber than Captain Man's book!" The same nobody from earlier remarked, and that was his last straw. Ray couldn't handle any slander toward his books if Mika couldn't cope with pointless crimes. It infuriated him more than their constant interruptions or snarky comments, making him stamp his foot like a child and jerk his arms. He'd show them who the losers were, aching for genuine respect since that stupid bird suit obviously didn't command any. 

"All right--that's it! Where's my damn gum?" He shouted in annoyance as he plodded off around a corner, patting down his pockets to find where he'd carefully hidden his gum. They all brought some, just in case, even if it was risky in case one of the villains found them, and (y/n) didn't miss a beat when she saw her doofus disappear into the shadows. 

Placing a hand over her well-hidden tube, feeling it through the lace of her dress, she turned to Chapa. While her husband was more than capable of kicking dozens of villains' butts, she didn't fancy him taking on every asshole The Beatin' Dungeon had to offer, so, lowering her voice, she whispered to the girl as she tiptoed away. 

"Keep them busy. We'll be right back..."

"What?! What are we supposed to do?!" Chapa whispered harshly, nervously glancing around, praying no one heard their snappy conversation. Luckily, the delinquents in the room were too distracted to truly pay attention, allowing the heroine to weave her way to wherever Ray disappeared cautiously. 

But the kids didn't want her to leave, suddenly feeling much smaller and weaker without the mighty Miss Danger. Yet, she didn't stop, throwing them a bright smile as she slipped past some pink-haired weirdo. 

"Just get Mika to safety! We'll handle the rest!" (y/n) grinned, not looking back as she disappeared into the crowd, leaving Bose clueless and Miles and Chapa very disgruntled. 

"Oh, you make it sound so easy!" Ignoring them, she crept past the oblivious villains toward Ray's hiding place, hoping they wouldn't do anything too reckless while transforming. As she slipped into the nook, she could hear The Butcher bellowing more incoherent orders. Still, she didn't bother deciphering them when she spotted a very angry doofus muttering himself, patting down his tunic with too much aggression. 

"Doofus?"

"Sweet girl..." The man turned around upon hearing those dulcet tones, the tension and fury melting from his body when he saw his beloved wife standing there. Her face was so pure and innocent, so it wasn't his fault when a sudden urge to sweep her into a spontaneous kiss swept over him. 

He gathered her in his arms, holding her shoulders tightly as (y/n) gasped, allowing his tongue to slip into her mouth in what was interrupted by that sparky brat before. A sigh mingled between them as her arms slid around his neck, pulling their navels together until every inch of their bodies touched. It was hot and passionate and undoubtedly the wrong time and wrong place, but neither cared, forgetting their mission, friends in a second of love and lust. 

But it didn't last. As much as her head was spinning, her heart was burning, and her tummy was fluttering, (y/n) snapped to her senses when she felt his fingertips creeping under her skirt - a little too eager to say they weren't at home. There were dozens of villains just a few feet away - his composure and boldness surprised her. 

She abruptly pulled away from her lover at the peak of his assault, grasping the wrist hiding between her thighs and staring up at him with darkened eyes and swollen lips. Had it really been that long since they had a moment to themselves?

"What's taking you so long?!" She panted before suddenly realising how tightly she gripped his arm and jacket. Ray smirked at her dishevelled state, having quietly known that his sweet girl would follow when he walked off, although he hadn't planned on losing control like that. It was her fault for being too damn hot. 

"I can't find my gum!" Ray replied smoothly, holding her waist when she released his wandering hand. It was true; he'd been trying to find the damn thing when she walked in, and he swore that it was gone--vanished--stolen--God knows what. He couldn't find it; only (y/n) knew better. 

"You mean this gum?" She cocked an eyebrow as she waggled a glowing tube under his nose - the same gum she'd felt when her hand slipped down to his butt when they were kissing. He'd shoved it deep in his back pocket, which wasn't particularly safe, making him smile sheepishly as he took it with red cheeks. 

"Oh, yeah..." The hero nodded, taking the glowing gum as she shook her head and smiled. Such a doofus...but even if he was embarrassed, he couldn't help the rush of affection in his chest when she tenderly kissed his neck to hide her amused expression. 

"Have I told you how beautiful you look today?"

"Several times."

"Well, it's true," Ray remarked, grabbing her chin and tilting it up so he could see her eyes when she bashfully looked down with hot ears. 

He bent down again, capturing her lips much more gently this time, moving slowly until her mouth opened, allowing his tongue to slip in again. Seconds or hours passed - neither knew how long - until they were breathless and grinning like idiots, feeling like their dark yet cosy corner had gone from frigid to unbearably scorching. God knows what was happening in the main room, a thought that slipped through (y/n) 's mind as her beloved doofus grasped and squished her ass in his large palm. 

"Ray?" She asked quietly, weak and throaty as their lips brushed together again before he found her neck, forcing her head to tilt back. What was her point again? Everything went out of her mind as he suckled and nipped on her skin, pushing his face closer when he hummed against her throat. 

"Hmmm?"

"Those villains insulted your book. Aren't you gonna punch them?" His lips froze over a fleeting mark, not even bothering to darken it into staying for a few more seconds. 

Suddenly, Ray remembered his purpose, hands momentarily squeezing her flesh a little too hard as his muscles remembered their strength, and his brain recalled why he was so fucking mad in the first place. Right before this temptress walked in, he was hell-bent on revenge... And he still wanted to show those losers that he was superior. 

"God, yes..." the man growled, pulling away to stare darkly into her pretty eyes, smirking in satisfaction when she shuddered at the sight of him. There she went again, seducing him without even realising it. 

"One more kiss, though..." (y/n) was helpless to stop him, not that she wanted to. 

She pulled him in by his collar until their noses brushed under that stupid hood of his, drinking down his taste as he rocked against her body. Everything would make later that night so much sweeter, going deeper and deeper until their lungs burned and begged for mercy, although Ray swore he could survive on her honey-like taste alone. 

"Okay...come on. You've had your fun," the heroine told him firmly, physically having to rip herself away from his unbearably hot body; otherwise, she would've let him have his way right there in the corridor. Pressing his gum tube into his palm, she fumbled to bring hers out of the only place she could've stored in a dress with no pockets - the built-in bra. 

"Don't even..." she told her husband sternly as her fingers dipped past the neck and pulled the warm glass cylinder out from between her boob. She wasn't stupid, knowing that Ray's eyes were glued to her cleavage, aching like a virgin teenager for even the tiniest glimpse of her bare flesh - like he hadn't seen it all before.

"Fun? Well, that was mildly entertaining, darlin', but I'll show you a good time when we get home," he rumbled gruffly, popping a gumball with a flushed face when she caught him staring. It wasn't his fault; she was just too hot, and he was such a her man, utterly in love with all of her features, some finer than others. 

"Don't you always?" The woman threw the flirtatious comment over her shoulder with the candy she popped into her mouth, chewing slowly as they laughed. A warm hand took hers as Ray mimicked her movement, turning the gum all sticky and squishy before they blew their bubbles and transformed into their costumes. 

It felt good to be Captain Man and Miss Danger again, grinning and checking each other out since their uniforms were infinitely better-looking than those angsty disguises. She was beautiful, and he was handsome, looking like the perfect pair as he brushed her hair behind her ear and pecked her lips one last time.

"God, I love you..."

"I know..." And (y/n) grinned the whole way out of the room. 

Of course, they couldn't sneak out the way they'd come in; any observant villain would put two and two together and surmise that Hawkfist was Captain Man, etcetera. So, they took the long way, routing around the back of the warehouse until they could approach from the other side of the room. They had the element of surprise on their side, Ray going first with his sweet girl hot on his heels as the sound of angry voices grew louder. 

It was a tremendous racket like a thunderstorm in a tin can, and when the heroes peeked out from the door they tiptoed through, they could see Chapa and Bose looming over The Butcher. He lay on the floor, unconscious, after the girl was forced to defend herself with her superpower because Bose couldn't keep his mouth shut. Miles and Mika were nowhere to be seen - hopefully safely back at the Man's Nest like the heroine instructed. 

"It's Volt!" The Lizard Girl hissed, pointing directly at Chapa as she took an uncharacteristically timid step back. She didn't know what to do now that she'd revealed her true identity, feeling like a million eyes were staring back at her and Bose - but they weren't alone. 

"All right, you jerks!" Ray chose his moment wisely, jumping into action with his beloved wife before anyone could harm a single hair on his sidekicks' heads. He stormed over to the group of baffled villains, all of whom were utterly stunned to see the snarling hero in their lair - with Miss Danger looking equally pissed. 

"Anyone wanna make fun of my book now?" They were the wrong people to ask, boldly throwing insults about his sloppy plotline, poor spelling, and awful pacing as (y/n) quickly checked over the children, cupping their cheeks before pushing them behind her back. 

They'd done beautifully, but now it was time to let her and Ray fight, and boy, he was mad about the brazen mockery of his treasured novel. Glancing at each other, the couple rolled their eyes and sighed, knowing that some things never changed, but at least they could get revenge for a genuinely terrible evening. 

"I hate you all," Ray sighed as some randomer pressed play on the stereo system, anticipating an epic brawl. 

The villains felt pretty confident, sizing up the admittedly bulky hero and his pretty, if puny, wife, and decided they were no match for them. They were hideously outnumbered, even if they cracked their knuckles and stretched their backs, calmly waiting for the oncoming storm--well, they could have it. Anything to avenge their fallen comrade and find justice for invading their territory. 

"Get 'em!" Betty Blades screeched, and that was when all hell broke loose. 

A tall man flung himself at Ray first, easily a couple of inches taller than the hero. Still, he repelled him quickly with a swift punch across the jaw before elbowing him in the throat. As he fell to the floor, a blonde, cruel-looking woman snuck up on the hero with all the agility and feline wickedness of a cat, moving to pounce and dig her claws into him if it wasn't for (y/n) anticipating her move. 

She saw the attack in her mind, moving perfectly in time as her eyes shimmered like pearls, allowing her to grab the bitch by her shoulders before she could lay a hand on her doofus. Curling an arm around her neck, she held her still long enough for Ray to boot her in the stomach, a pained groan leaving the villainess as she crumpled to the floor, clutching her abdomen. 

Another swathe of villains approached, teaming up three against two as the couple backed up toward the bar until their elbows brushed, trying to keep all eyes on their foes. Suddenly, a thick, rusty, iron chain wrapped around Ray's neck from behind, causing (y/n) to gasp and break focus for a split second to glance upwards and see an evil man sneering at the struggling hero from a concrete ledge. 

"Captain Man!" She cried, feeling her heart lurch when her husband scrambled for oxygen, even though she knew he'd be fine. That's when the three cornering them made them move, storming forward while the man was weak. 

They targeted Miss Danger, who recognised one as the guy who fought Henry once - Kyle or something - so she knew he meant business. She blocked one of his punches, holding his fist in her hand before uppercutting his chin with the other, sending him stumbling backwards. But she couldn't take on three at once, not when the men had arms as thick as her thighs and infinite strength. Hence, as she dodged a few more blows from a guy in a red jacket, Ray ignored the stinging agony around his throat and kicked out at anyone who dared lay a finger on her.  

He snarled at those who hurt her, growling lowly at how they pathetically tried to keep him from her side. Finding a break in the waves of attackers, he lurched forward, pulling the villain above him down against the concrete so his face was in range for a damn good pummeling. A swift punch to the nose rendered him out like a light, loosening his grip on the chain so the hero could steal it and breathe freely again. 

"You okay, sweet girl?" Ray asked breathlessly, catching her in a brief, free moment as chaos reigned around them. Bose was unconscious for some reason, and Chapa was terrorising Betty Blades with her lightning, but still, the doofus looked at her like all was right in the world. And if she was okay, then everything was. 

"Never better--doofus!" The woman grunted, her smiling vanishing when the guy who swung the first punch returned for round two. This time, he aimed for her, throwing his body weight into the blow as (y/n) ducked, giving her husband space to block his arms with brute raw strength. 

Before they knew it, the blonde was backing, stunning (y/n) with some fancy flips as she cartwheeled and twisted her way across the floor--what was wrong with walking? She didn't have time to help Ray as he took a swipe to the cheek, slumping winded against a barrel before taking on Kyle one-on-one. 

For someone so high and mighty, he went down with a single punch as Miss Danger cat-slapped the woman with the back of her hand, smirking satisfactorily when she sharply kicked her shin with the metal toe of her heeled boot. That was for trying to hurt her husband. In the blink of an eye, the couple found themselves back-to-back in a circle of villains, taking on whoever stepped into the ring. Others watched from the sidelines, egging their friends on. 

One guy in a red jacket swung at (y/n), only to receive a straight left to the nose as Ray punched Kyle in the gut, wondering why Henry had struggled so much with him before. A swift kick in the face and he flew into the buffet table, sending cheese puffs and plastic cups everywhere as he cried for his mama. 

Meanwhile, his pretty girl smirked at the catty lady, expertly ducking and weaving every time she tried to claw out her eyes, predicting every swipe with seconds to spare until she caught her arm on the final blow. It was too easy to shove her off her balance, watching with a giggle as the acrobatic woman fell face-first into a cardboard box with her legs kicking in the air. 

But there was no time to get cocky; out of nowhere, some lunatic charged at Ray, rugby-tackling him with his arms locked around the hero's waist as they tumbled through a wooden door, making even the most hardened, desensitised villains wince. Some fled for their lives, too weak or cowardly to take on the fearless crimefighters, and (y/n) noticed how The Lizard Twins were among the fleeing monsters. Whilst she was sad to miss the chance to fight them, she scoffed in amusement - some bad guys they were. 

Some were smarter than others, though, knowing when to leave a party, and Book Thievin' Steven was no exception. He knew when he was beaten, seeing how the heroes effortlessly tipped the scales until the crowd thinned, leaving only the roughest, toughest of villains fighting. And he was neither of those things, more like a delicate flower than a bloodthirsty fighter, so he turned to run...only to run into Volt's arms. 

"Oh, no!" She smirked, and with Bose's help, they twisted his hands behind his back, taking him as their prisoner since he was the thief they'd come to apprehend. He didn't put up much of a fight, whining like a little bitch as the children meanly slapped his wrists in handcuffs, barking orders to be silent or else. 

He should've counted himself lucky, given that the people he'd been bragging to all night had to face Captain Man and Miss Danger. The couple showed no mercy; when Ray tossed his attacker through the remaining splinters of the door, (y/n) was there to meet him with her flying fist. 

There were barely any villains left standing, only the stubborn with wobbly legs and bruised faces still fighting. When one got to his feet, all the hero had to breeze past him and flick him on the nose to knock him out, more intent on reaching his sweet girl than bothering with a loser who didn't know when to give up. 

"Boo!" He grinned when he saw her sneak up on The Lawn Ranger, shouting into his ear so the leafy weirdo practically jumped out of his skin when he realised how close the heroine was. He'd spent the entire fight cowering behind the bar, all too happy to let someone else be his shield, but now he was out of options - except one. 

"MOMMY, COME HELP ME!" The so-called criminal screeched, glancing from the woman with her hands on her hips to her hulking husband, who threateningly flexed his biceps as he stomped toward him. 

Ray wasn't interested in The Lawn Ranger, not even sparing him a glance as he ran for the exit with a wet patch on the front of his pants. No, he wanted the asshole on the kedge, who, despite all his friends falling like dominoes, remained on the high ground, knowing he had the advantage over the heroes if he stayed there. 

While (y/n) picked off the stragglers on the floor, Ray bunny-hopped over the bar, risking everything and clambering up to where the villain waited with bared teeth. Hunched over with a thick metal pipe in his grip as a makeshift weapon, the man held his nerve until he had the fearsome Captain Man towering over him, and all he had to do was bellow to make the guy pee himself. 

Shrieking like a terrified child, the metal pipe clattered on the floor concrete as the villain took the intelligent option and dove through a boarded-up window. He'd rather have a broken arm than any of the wounds the hero would inflict, leaving Ray gloating and smiling victoriously until he turned around to grin at his beloved wife. And what he saw made his vision fade to red. 

In the time Ray had climbed up to the rafters, (y/n) had battled a handful of weakened villains. None were exceptionally challenging, running away when they knew they were beaten or collapsing when she swiftly overpowered them. But one guy was annoyingly tough--too stubborn to go down without a fight. 

She'd punched him. That didn't work. She'd kicked him. He didn't even flinch. She even tried kneeing him in the groin, but apparently, he had balls of steel. He had, too; only those with some severe nerve had the guts to wrap their hairy hands around Miss Danger's throat. It all happened quickly; one minute, she held her own, blocking all of his rapid jabs, and the next, one hand came out of nowhere. It squeezed her airways too tightly to be comfortable. 

She gasped, but no sound came out, nails scratching at his wrist as her tummy fizzled and popped with nerves, eyes sliding in her doofus' direction. Fighting for air, she kicked out at the man, weakly tapping his shins as her toes brushed the ground, threatening to lift her off her feet entirely when Ray finally noticed. 

If there was one line a villain shouldn't cross, it was this one; they could hurt him all they wanted, but Miss Danger? She was off limits, so this asshole had to pay. 

With his jaw clenched and teeth gnashing, Ray glanced around at his surroundings, knowing he had to get down there--and fast. He didn't want to risk the bastard spotting him, so he quickly set his sights on a chain by his elbow, unhooking it from a post before giving it a few tugs to check its strength. 

As (y/n)'s eyes rolled back, he took his chance, swinging like Tarzan until his stretched leg collided with the guy's face. His body contorted and flipped from the sheer impact, separating him from the gasping heroine as he crumpled at her feet, setting her free. Her fingers rubbed at her sore throat, blinking back tears as Ray gracefully landed and glared at the knocked-out man, secretly wishing no one was looking so he could rain down a little more pain. 

"Keep your dirty hands off my wife..." he snarled to deaf ears, panting as heavily as (y/n) as he stomped and loomed over the limp body. One second, he was all rage and testosterone, making the onlooking woman gulp as he stood there with his chest heaving and fists clenched. But the next, he turned to her, all doe-eyed and smiling, lightly stepping over and taking her into his arms like she was made of glass. 

"Sweet girl, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Captain. Thank you for saving me..." (y/n) replied breathlessly, placing her palms against his chest as she looked up at him through her eyelashes, smiling sweetly. His hands tightened on her waist, humming throatily as he kissed her lips, slightly chapped from the fight, but he didn't mind. 

"You can thank me later tonight," he whispered in her ear, lightly nibbling her earlobe as she breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed into his embrace, leaning her forehead on his shoulder. 

As if by magic, his hands glided over her back, soothing any soreness or ache from the battle, turning her into putty until she'd do anything he said, practically purring as he nuzzled her hair. She was safe; that was all Ray could think of, letting his anger melt away because he couldn't feel anything but love when he held her, swearing he'd found heaven when--

"Captain Man! Miss Danger! We got him."

"We got the book thief!" Two chirpy voices interrupted their bliss just when Ray was about to taste that sweet, sweet honey again. Annoyingly, (y/n) pulled away with warm cheeks, shy to see Chapa and Bose standing across the room, watching every moment as they held Book Thievin' Steven by his arms, preventing him from escaping. Those little...it was like they didn't want him to love his wife.

"Guys! Great job!" The heroine praised them, clapping her hands and nudging her doofus to at least smile as she noticed his irritated grimace from the corner of her eye. He was such a grumpy pants, moody because he didn't get a kissy--as if she wouldn't smother him with them when they got home. 

But Ray begrudgingly conceded, offering the beaming kids a brief, proud smile as Steven groaned, wishing he was anywhere but the same room as the lovey-dovey couple. While Miss Danger was hot, it made him want to puke when he saw her...canoodling with Captain Man, turning that old stickler into a lovesick puppy - a bigger moron than ever. Of all the people to capture him, it had to be them - the gratingly in-love it-couple of the city. 

"Now, let's see who he really is!" Bose exclaimed before roughly grabbing the criminal's chin, yanking and tugging his skin like his skin would peel away like a mask, revealing another man underneath. But this wasn't some slapstick cartoon, making Steven wince and yelp as the boy pinched his cheeks, much to his friends' amusement. 

"Ahh! OW! My face!"

"BrainStorm, buddy...there's no mask," Ray told him gently, an arm wrapped around his wife's waist as she giggled. She couldn't say the thief didn't deserve it. 

"Okay, so, what do we do with him?" The boy asked innocently, releasing Steven's cheeks with a disappointed pout as the man struggled against their hold. Still, the question made everyone stop and think, imagining plenty of suitable punishments, some stronger than others. Of course, Chapa and her vividly diseased imagination came up with the best ones. 

"I have ideas..." She grinned at her teachers, waggling her eyebrows suggestively as her captive gulped. He wasn't stupid; he knew Volt was the least reasonable of the younglings Captain Man had recently taken under his wing. But surely, they wouldn't let him suffer, would they?

Would they?

~

Oh, they would. 

Out of everything Steven had imagined for their cruel torture, this had to be the worst. He could've been hung, drawn, and quartered, but Miss Danger didn't like the mess. They could've ripped out his fingernails and mailed them to his mother, but ShoutOut thought that was too morbid. They could've banished him to the North Pole, but Volt said that was too babyish. 

They bounced ideas around like a beach ball until the fiery-tempered girl suggested something utterly brilliant--borderline evil for those goody-goody lot. He begged them not to do it, pleading, praying, screaming he'd do anything else. They could brandish him a thief for all to see, and he swore never to steal again on pain of death. But no, his sobs fell on deaf ears. 

Book Thievin' Steven needed to be taught a good, hard lesson, Chapa told her friends as she fastened a thick, corded restraint around his chest, having already bound his hands behind his back. After fleeing The Beatin' Dungeon, Danger Force, Miss Danger, and Captain Man brought the man back to the Man's Nest, sitting him on a chair in the middle of the room as the wicked girl cooked up their revenge.

It was simple, really; she'd had Schwoz prepare most of it, setting up a TV near the villain as it played a cosy recording of a crackling log fire since they didn't have one of their own. Across from that, Ray was all tucked up and relaxing in a ratty, worn armchair. It looked disgusting but was deliciously comfortable with its aged cushions and leather upholstery. He wasn't allowed to change out of his uniform, sitting by Steven and the fake fire with the pièce de résistance in his hand, waiting for the torture to commence. 

"Please, don't..." Steven sniffled as Volt ensured his bonds were pulled tight and secure, ignoring the tears in his eyes as Ray flicked through a copy of Man! I Feel Like A Hero!

Oh, yeah. She went there. If there was one thing villains hated, it was Ray's book - the thing that put fear in their hearts more than death, destruction, or torture. This was worse than hell but a win-win situation for the hero. He waited patiently for his sweet girl to appear after she'd slipped away to change into something more comfortable, eager to snuggle up with him as he read to her like they did in bed every night. 

That was where Chapa's secret weapon hid. 

"I'll do anything!"

"Settle down, buddy. You're gonna be here for thirty-two Cap-ters, an epilogue, an alt ending, and a whole section at the end where I teach you whole to draw a cartoon version of me," Ray told Steven with an excited grin, having turned to page one. There was a lot more to get through, striking terror in the thief's chest as he turned to Chapa in one last bid for mercy - he couldn't bear the thought of listening to the hero droning on and on and on...

"No, no, no, no, please! Please! Please!" He sobbed, not that the girl cared. Rolling her eyes, she turned her back on him, smiling briefly at (y/n) as she entered the room in her pyjamas before returning to where the other kids sat at the couch table. 

"Steven, my guy, there's no use in trying. Just sit there and take it like man," the woman advised him as she sauntered up to her doofus, looking utterly adorable in her silky pee-jays, save for the mask still stuck to her face. It was Miss Danger at the end of her day, looping around the armchair to smile at her husband, who finally tore his eyes away from his beloved book to see something far more precious. 

"Hey, doofus...did I miss anything?"

"Nope, you're just in time, sweet girl, and you're even wearing my favourite shorts..." Ray cooed in a sickeningly sweet voice, giving her a knowing look before uncrossing his legs to welcome her into his embrace, tapping his thigh with his free hand. After such a long day, he wanted his wife as close as possible, especially when her legs went on and on and on for days in those booty shorts. 

"Why don't you take a seat right here?"

"Whatever you want, sweetheart," she giggled, eagerly placing herself on his knee and leaning back into his chest. Her legs draped over the arm of the chair as her hand hovered behind his head to play with the tufts of his hair, wriggling in his embrace to get comfy. 

There was no better spot in The Nest, in her opinion, tucking her face into the crook of his neck and placing a kiss there as Ray grinned, finally at peace now that he had her where he wanted. He put the book between them, resting it in her lap as he found his place again, murmuring some incoherent sweet nothings as Steven looked on in horror. 

Aw, hell, no, he couldn't watch this. 

"First! The introduction, written by me," Ray gloated, turning his chin slightly to find his wife's lips as she rolled her eyes. She knew this would be just one big boast battle for him, already knowing the life and secrets of the mighty hero, but she didn't mind. Nowadays, it was a luxury to spend so much quiet time with him, humming appreciatively against his lips to create a disgustingly unmistakable smacking sound. 

"NOOOOOO! You can't expect me to sit here with these two...lovebirds! I'm gonna throw up!" Steven wailed, screwing up his face when he saw the couple locking lips--practically eating each other's faces. Where was Captain Man putting his hands?! They slid from her ribs to her waist and even curled around to cup her butt, pulling Miss Danger further onto his lap as he...groaned. Oh, God...

"Hot chocolate just tastes better after you catch a bad guy," Chapa sighed as she ignored the wails across the room. 

The book was bad enough, but the real torture lay in forcing Steven to endure the couple's handsy, undying love and affection. They lived through it every day, seeing kisses, pinches, pats, and advances that scared their poor, pure minds. If they had to see it, so did he - a just punishment for such a heinous crime, and everybody won except for Steven. 

"Everything does," Bose agreed, sipping his rich, sweet drink before taking a bit bite of the styrofoam cup. It was a wonder that he was still alive, making his friends wince in shame and confusion as he happily munched on the bland, chewy plastic like it was tasty - did he think it was food?

"Honey, don't..."

"Just let him..." Chapa sighed as Mika tried to warn the boy otherwise. Still, she knew it was useless - practically survival of the fittest by now. So, she reached for the thermos pitcher in the middle of the table as Miles eyed it hungrily since he apparently wasn't allowed any for the most trivial reasons. 

"Can I get a little hot chocolate?" He asked the girl politely, only to receive a curt look as she stood up and took the thermos away. 

"Did you catch a bad guy?"

"I saved ShoutOut," he replied as Mika smiled brightly, thinking that such a noble deed deserved a reward, given that it was arguably the other half of a hero's job. Stop a bad guy and save someone - wasn't that the job description?

"So, you caught a good guy?" Chapa hummed pedantically, toying with her friend for the sake of being difficult - mainly because the smoochy-smoochy sounds from that armchair were grating her nerves. 

"Okay, that's not fair," Mika told her, acting as the voice of reason like always, but Chapa didn't listen. She merely sipped her hot chocolate and stiffened her upper lip, wanting the sweet, chocolatey goodness all to herself after nearly getting hounded by a group of vicious villains. 

"Tastes pretty fair to me..." she sniffed, causing her friends to argue about how mean she could be sometimes. 

(y/n) had said it once, but they'd say it again; if she wanted to have friends, she needed to be friendly, although none of it got through to her. The rowdy conversation soon broke the tranquillity of the Man's Nest, forcing the happy couple by the fire to stop kissing - even the notion - and sigh. How were they meant to subtly tease each other--or torture Steven if they couldn't hear themselves think?

"Hey, let's cut the chatter back there!" Ray yelled to them, his cheek smushed against (y/n)'s forehead as the room fell silent, much to his satisfaction. He'd finally perfected that line, settling into his comfy chair with his wife in his arms as he turned to the book's first words - the children's prompt to get up and leave.  

And so, it began. 

"Cap-ter one--The Beginning," he read aloud, ignoring the thief's sobs as the kids quickly scattered, not wanting to hear another line of that drivel or witness how their friend kissed up his neck. 

"It all just kinda Captain'ed... My father was an irresponsible scientist, and it was Bring Your Kid To Work Day."

"Heh, I got that joke there, doofus," (y/n) giggled, utterly bored of hearing her husband's founding story for the billionth time, but she loved the little pun. He was so dorky and adorable, giving her that doofy grin as she stroked his cheeks, thankful she couldn't see Steven behind her. She could hear his whimpers and groans, but it spurred her with her open affection, knowing that this was supposed to be a punishment, and when in Rome...

"You liked it, sweet girl? Well, there's plenty more where that came from..." Ray grinned, leaning down to kiss her again, laying it on thick for their guest as he turned his nose up at the tongue action. 

"Oh my God, can't you guys go do that in your own room?!" He shrieked in a panicked voice, legs flailing when Miss Danger freely rolled her body against her lover's, whispering something filthy in his ear as her hand trailed down his chest. Thank God Chapa was dozing far away on the couch with a cowboy hat covering her ears... It made him blush just picturing it. 

"We already did," (y/n) replied over her shoulder, making her and Ray giggle like children as Steven audibly gagged. He'd wondered where they'd snuck off to when they first arrived at this hell hole. Still, now he had sick images in his mind, and now that he thought about it, the heroine's pyjamas were crumpled when she walked in...

"Twice." Oh, God, kill him now. Hell hath no fury like a doofus hath love for his sweet girl.

[super-hero-confessions]

The Marvels was good, it does not deserve to flop. However Marvel brought this situation upon themselves by pushing politics too hard–I'm not talking about this movie specifically, I'm referring to other movies where they would virtue signal a lot with social causes, social justice, human rights, and then never deliver in the actual movie, pitting fans against each other. Like the whole "Valkyrie will find her Queen in Love and Thunder" *insert the "so that was a fucking lie" meme*. Sure there was a hint of ValCarol here in The Marvels but for me that was too little too late. I am within the LGBT community and it's gross that they're using my fucking rights to promote a movie.

Superhero movies should be apolitical. With this I'm not saying they can't make a villain be fascist, of course they can, and they should. I'm talking about the message superhero movies have been pushing without actually pushing it. Virtue signaling with zero substance. We're going backwards. Take a look at the real world–why do you think pathetic fucks like Andrew Tate had such a big audience of little kids and teenage guys? Because the loudest feminists started claiming that "men bad" and while an adult man should know that this does not mean "all men", a boy or teenage guy does not know this, they take it at face value. Then they cling to sick fucks like him because they're the only ones telling young boys that they aren't terrible. I'm not defending him, personally I hope Tate bites it because he's gross, I'm saying he takes advantage of how unwelcome the far left makes them feel just for being AMAB. "Well it sounds like some people are just tired of being told how shitty they are". Yup, you figured it out. People are tired of being told how shitty they are, constantly, all the time, for everything they do, and I don't mean taking away human rights I mean going to KFC and have vegans go on about why you are the worst. You are the ones doing this. You are the ones making people feel like they're never enough. You are the ones pushing people away from the political left and they turn to the right, where they are welcomed with open arms. And I fucking despise the right. They want to take rights away and they are disgusting for that. That's why the left needs to fucking stop giving them wings by pushing people in their direction, by constantly playing the victim and telling people, including minorities, how to think.

Now a fun, entertaining movie starring three women is flopping and while far right incels aren't blameless, neither are you.

[xthescarletbitch]

nsfw alphabet || dani rojas

18+, minors do NOT interact

cw: f!reader, smut, strap-on use, f!receiving, [implied] reader!giving, exhibitionism, spanking, power play, rough sex

word count: 2000+

author’s note: i have read this over and over to a point where i’m tired of looking at it. i apologise in advance for any mistakes or inconsistency, i tried my best! these responses were easier in my head (lmao). i hope you enjoy. ♡

✦ A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

when duty does not call, dani’s aftercare includes reminding you how much she adores and appreciates you. lots of little kisses and praises like “you did so good”. she will also constantly ask if you’re okay while cleaning everything up. you can expect her to ignore every call that comes through during this time because all of her focus is on you. you feel like getting a bite to eat? of course. you want to cuddle for a bit? even better.

✦ B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

you would both answer this the same: her thighs. she absolutely adores it when you’re seated atop them, whether it’s just as a seat or as a ride (it’s your favourite because of the latter). she also has no preference of where you face as each position brings its own benefits. when facing her, she can kiss all over your neck and face! when facing away, she is able to see her favourite body part of yours, your ass, move as you pick up speed. it allows her the chance to smack it however she pleases and to grip your hips harder to thrust up into you. she also enjoys massaging your breasts with one hand and pulling you back against her with the other.

✦ C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

it doesn’t matter what brought you here, but after your release, dani is immediately there to scarf it down. she makes sure to get every last drop out of you, even if it means spending the rest of the day there (as if that’s a bad thing). sometimes you can’t help but feel a little shy about it, especially when she’s done fingering you and makes a show of licking it all off her fingers and your thighs.

✦ D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

dani yearns to fuck you right on el presidente’s desk in torre del león. something about sticking it to the man (or in her girlfriend) gives her a rush of adrenaline. being in a position like that would surely give her the surge of power and control that she desires.

✦ E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

she has had a few flings here and there. she is not the most inexperienced person in the world, but also not the most experienced. one thing is for sure, and it’s that she knows how to read your body. she is a dedicated and thorough lover.

✦ F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

any position where you both are close to each other, skin to skin. she loves the contact and intimacy that it brings. she especially loves taking you from behind, but bringing you up so that your back is fully against her chest. she loves to rub her hands all over your front as she pounds into you; a tactic she uses just because she likes to touch you and also because it keeps her stable with her exertion.

✦ G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

sometimes she will be too focused on pleasuring you that she is so serious, but it’s not rare for her to be goofy either. even though she wouldn’t outright degrade you, she enjoys teasing you and chuckling at your reactions. *insert spongebob mocking meme* “woooow, i barely touched you and you’re already this we-” before you jokingly smack her. it’s also an ego boost when she can turn off your laughter instantly by having you moan out instead.

✦ H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

dani could care less about personal hygiene. she is not very well groomed down there because she doesn’t really care much about it. on that note, she has no preferences for her partner either. you’re still a full-course meal either way.

✦ I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

she can be very romantic during the deed. she is huge on cuddling and kissing while fucking. she wants to feel all of you against her, and vice versa. she always has to be touching all over you. she is certainly passionate in her lust.

✦ J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

it’s rare for her to find the time and means to masturbate, but that doesn’t mean she won’t do it. especially if she’s away from you for an extended period of time, she’ll pleasure herself while imagining the two of you and your deeds.

✦ K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

she enjoys power play and being the dominant figure in the bedroom. additionally, she loves to spank you, especially when she can watch your ass jiggle in time with her thrusts into you. considering her dirty secret, she doesn’t mind a little exhibitionism. anybody who would ever walk in would know that you’re dani’s and dani’s only.

✦ L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

if you’re both horny and there’s a flat surface, horizontal or vertical, you’re doing it there. if she had to pick a favourite place, she would choose the workbench. it’s perfect because she can have you sit there and look pretty while she does her thing. she can eat you out in this position, she can finger you, and she can even pound into you as she’d like with her superior angling. she also likes the way that the workbench will slam against the wall (there may have been one or two times where you made an obvious marking to the workbench or wall itself). she can’t necessarily do that much against a wall, but she’ll still manage to use it to her advantage. after all, a good guerrilla masters their environment.

✦ M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

dani has a dirty mind, okay. you could be fighting a soldado, grunt, and she’d be turned on. you could bend over to grab some scrap and she’d be turned on. it’s not hard to get her going at all. however, one of the biggest things you could do that would turn her on is to take charge. not necessarily in the bedroom, but by doing things like leading some bandidos on a mission. god, she thinks you’re so hot when you get into command mode. sure, she likes to be the dominant one in the bedroom, but seeing you like this just motivates her more.

✦ N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

no sharing. ever. she would also never dare to degrade or hurt you. even if it wouldn’t be in a bad manner, she still can’t bring herself to do it. she has lost so much and tries her best to remain kind, even in the bedroom. she is a big softie (let’s go with soft dom). <3

actually, that doesn’t include spanking. have i mentioned that she loves that?

✦ O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

dani loves to give. one of her favourite things to do is eat you out. she loves how your nails dig into her skin as it only invigorates her more. of course, she does enjoy receiving too! but when it comes down to limited time, she does not mind taking up all of it to enjoy you like a buffet.

✦ P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

dani is all about being quick and rough. she usually doesn’t have a lot of time to spare, so she wants to make it count. if she’s using the strap, she is doing quick and deep strokes. she’ll grip your hips as she draws the strap all the way out, only to slam it back into you over and over (rip to your insides).

✦ Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

it seems like all dani does is run around and do errands. she hardly has time to spare in order to properly plow you. that said, she loves quickies. you are both almost always game, so any moment that she has to spare is dedicated to absolutely devouring you. her favourite? you pressed against a wall as she crouches down and eats you out.

✦ R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

it depends on context. as mentioned before, she fantasises about taking you in one of the most guarded places in yara. that is not where her fantasies stop, but her ultimate goal is to keep you safe. thankfully, she is fully aware of the risks that come with taking you in fnd territory and will usually avoid it if she can. however, it’s not past her to pounce on you as soon as the vicinity is clear.

✦ S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

thanks to being ex-military, and contributing to her being one of the best guerrillas, dani has high stamina. she could go on for as long as time permits if she were able. however, due to time constraints, dani is often dedicating her efforts to quality over quantity. she wants to make your limited time count before the next mission occurs.

✦ T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

oh, she definitely does. if nothing else, she has an emerald green strap that brings out her eyes. it’s quite a sight to behold when you watch dani sheath it inside of you. and when she notices you watching? her pace will quicken and her strokes will become even more unforgiving.

if you would like to read more about dani and her legendary strap, my friend @mrsdanirojas is the one who coined this toy hc. read her fic here (you will not regret it)! ♡

✦ U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

as mentioned before, dani is known to tease. she knows the effect she has on your body and uses it against you (lovingly and jokingly of course, not at all derogatory). she will have you soaked and tease you for it. don’t worry. her teasing is always followed by an “apology”.

she’ll wait to hear a giggle from you before she buries her face in-between your legs and has you gasping from the sudden stimulation.

✦ V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

dani is a grunter. we’ve heard how many times she has grunted in frustration! it’s incredibly hot, both in bed and on the field. she grunts as she pounds into you, as you deepen a kiss and move your hand down to her core, and/or while she’s enjoying the full-course meal that is you.

✦ W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

i feel like dani is incredibly sensitive. you could touch her once and she will turn completely feral, wanting more. and she is easily turned on, so it’s not hard to get her going. any little touch and she’s ready to throw you onto the nearest surface and plow you into next week.

✦ X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

✦ Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

incredibly high. this poor woman gets sexually frustrated way too easily. i mentioned before how sensitive she is, which means she can usually cum from just giving pleasure. both your release and hers motivates her to keep going, and she most certainly does not stop at once. or twice.

✦ Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

dani barely sleeps as it is. instead of being the type to sleep afterwards, she prefers to cuddle instead. she does not end your rendezvous there. one of her favourite things to do (and she hopes to build upon this after la revolución) is to set up a picnic under the stars. maybe she’ll take a little snooze after cuddling up with you and watching the night sky, but that’s contingent on you falling asleep first (preferably on her).

[newtonsheffield]

Okay now I'm obsessed with uni f*ckboi Anthony 😏 Kate would probably chew him out for going to all her games to just oogle her in a short skirt. And Anthony would be like "you're more than welcome to come oogle me at my swim meets and polo matches 😌". Which Kate does go to and is annoyed at how turned on she is by his biceps, thighs and everything else. He also picks arguments with her in their shared classes and she hates it because he's supposed to be a dumb privileged jock but he's actually smart and she also secretly loves arguing with him. Basically poor Kate is just constantly getting worked up by him😆

Anonymous asked:

do u have a little more of uni fuckboy anthony x tennis player kate? *insert meme of robin hood in disguise asking for pennies*

Oh Uni fuckboi Anthony. You stupid little Twat.

I feel like this Anthony is a rower. Because of course he is. He plays Polo in the off season and he's a fucking Oxford blue. And of course it means he's fucking shredded, and he loves to show it off. Loves to lift the edge of his fucking Tom Ford Polo shirt and dab at his forehead, or his chin after he's fallen to his knees in front of her like an absolute animal and Kate knows she shouldn't but something about the fact that she's soaking into his shirt makes her want to tug his lips back up to hers.

And Of course, when her family's visiting Anthony just can't leave her alone. Barrelling up to her like an over excited puppy, scattering everything in his wake, gasping excitedly.

"Sharma! Is this your family?!"

And Kate nearly groans, "Yep, My Mum and Sister, now get lost."

"Katie! Don't be rude." Mary scolds lightly before turning to Anthony, checking him over like a person might check over a car.

"I'm not being rude, he's Anthony. He's awful. Go!"

But Anthony stays put, introducing himself with a charming smile, "Mrs Sharma, It's lovely to meet you, I'm Anthony Bridgerton." Then he turns to Edwina, his eyes flicking between her and Kate. "You must look like your Dad. You don't look like your Mum, Kate."

And Kate can't help but sigh, "Anthony, what the fuck? Are you broken? You can't just say that!"

But Mary seems to find the whole thing charming, "Well it would be a little difficult for us to look alike, I'm Katie's step Mum, sweetheart."

A savage little thrill shoots through Kate at the look of horror on his face, "Oh my god, Mrs Sharma, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, I was just teasing."

"Anthony, it's fine."

Something a little awkward swells in the air for a moment before Anthony clears his throat turning back towards Kate,

"Um, Kate, I actually came over here because Um- next weekend it's the boat race and I just- I wondered if you were going to watch?"

There's something awkward in the air, and Kate can feel Mary and Edwina's eyes fixed between them, between her and a boy wearing a fucking polo outfit, hit helmet still tucked under his arm.

"Oh um- I don't- I don't know, Anthony." Her cheeks are burning, eyes flicking around awkwardly between Anthony, Mary and Edwina, and Anthony's friend Simon who appears to be watching them very closely from a distance, mouthing something that looked awfully like Come on mate

For a millisecond Anthony's face falls before he covers it with a smirk, "Um well, You should, because we're gonna wipe the floor with Cambridge this year, and when we do, I'm having a party at my parents house."

"Well, it's in London this year, so... I don't know." Kate has no idea what's happening, why he's doing this at all. This isn't what they do. What they do is scream at one another before they collide as soon as they're alone, hands gripping and tugging and tearing at clothes until she's screaming for entirely different reasons.

"Okay, well, maybe just think about it. It'll be fun, and um- yeah. I'll see you around!" And as quickly as he arrived, he's sprinted off.

"He seems nice." Edwina hums a little pointedly, still staring curiously after Anthony.

Mary is as well, humming, "Well, that was very sweet."

"Sweet? What about that was sweet? He's an idiot."

"He's a twenty year old boy, they're all idiots." Mary sighs, "But he likes you. You should go to his party."

"I don't- Anthony doesn't like me." Kate snaps awfully, trying to fight the feeling rising in her stomach, "I don't even think he has feelings."

But a week later she finds herself on a train to London. It'll be a good chance to see Mary and Edwina again, she tells herself. And pick up some books from her room. That's all.

She definitely doesn't take extra care getting ready to go to the boat race, because they'll be thousands of people on the banks of the Thames, he's not even going to see her.

Except he does. As the boat's lowered into the water, dressed in dark blue lycra, sunglasses perched on the top of his head, his muscles flexing as he stretches, and his eyes light up as he scrambles over to her.

"Kate! You came!"

"I came."

"That your girl, Bridgerton?!" Someone from Cambridge heckles and she sees the tips of his ears turn red as he calls back.

"Fuck off, Dorset!" and then he's smiling at her, and it's warm and he's ignoring his teammates trying to call him back for the start of the race. "I'm really glad you're here, Kate."

And she doesn't know what to say, because the feelings that have been tugging at her for a while are bubbling to the surface, and it's far too dangerous.

"I have to go, but um- I'll message you the address for my party. You're coming right?"

"Oh- Um- Maybe!"

But he shakes his head, walking backwards, posing like a greek Statue as his eyes sparkle for a moment, "I'll see you there!"

And against her better judgement, she goes to celebrate his victory. Trying not to groan at the music already pounding at the windows of the house that looks old enough to be a museum when she arrives, peering curiously inside.

"Kate!" Anthony appears out of nowhere, fighting through the crowd as though he'd been lying in wait for her. "I didn't see you after the race."

"Sorry, I had to go. Congratulations though!"

"It's cool, you're here now." He's smiling so warmly at her, wrapping his arm tightly around her shoulders, tugging her against his chest as he leads her through the crowd, "Can I get you a drink?"

"Ah yeah, anything's fine."

and she expects him to let go when they get wherever they're going, but he doesn't. He stays roots behind her, his arm slung comfortably over her left shoulder, tucked under the other. And he stays that way the entire night, playing beer pong against his brother one handed, whispering jokes in her ear, his eyes locked on her all night.

"You are really beautiful." Anthony says softly as they sway together to the music, his flirty remark sending her heart fluttering stupidly, "Like, so beautiful it makes my chest feel tight."

Kate rolls her eyes, "If that's you trying to get me into bed, I think we're kind of past that."

"It's not, I just- I don't think I've ever told you before, and it's true."

And when she wakes up in his childhood bedroom the next morning, her stomach swooping at the way Anthony's holding her against his body, smiling in his sleep. Happy and adorable and soft. Kate knows she's let this go too far. Because this is a game for him. And it's not for her anymore.

[kai-kurono]

Imagine Kylar...

!!! This is GN! Kylar x GN! PC!!!

Mix of Fluff, Smut, Angst, and shit posting

Imagine you and Kylar watched a horror movie and it really scared you. You try sleeping at night, but you feel like your being watched. You pass it off as Paranoia from watching the movie. Turns out Kylar was watching  you through the window

Imagine Kylar catching a cold. They still attend school and they still stay in the park/arcade after school and they still stalk you, Just so they can still see you, which only makes it worse. There is no way they are getting over that cold without resting. You notice that Kylar has a cold and you tell them off for not resting. Kylar acts like they will rest, but you find them watching you from your window. You spot them and right before they run away, you grab them and make them lie down on your bed as you quickly make some soup in the loft. 

Imagine Kylar shaking as they hold your hand after you’ve been missing for over two weeks. They are just so happy that they can still see you again

Imagine You finally meet their parents. Kylar’s parents invite you to celebrate holidays and they treat you very kind, You feel like you are part of a family. Sure, Kylar’s Parents do have the same creepy personality, but you are already use to Kylar so you got use to them 

Imagine  Kylar is playing a video game/reading a book/watching a show and is talking about how they ship two of the characters together because of [insert cute reason here], and then you says 'that sounds like you and me right there'

Imagine You and Kylar are stranded on a raft in the middle of the lake. Little did you know, this was their plan and they have a solution ready

Imagine You are decorating your room with seasonal decorations with Kylar, Bailey shows up and starts telling you to take them down. Bailey sees Kylar staring at them and it kinda creeps them up. Bailey then says “You can um...keep it. Just make sure nobody else puts any up” and leaves.

Imagine exchanging sexy and silly selfies with Kylar

Imagine  Kylar taking you out for Valentine's Day to cheer them you after your original plans with someone else fell through. As Kylar tries their best to make You happy and succeeds after only a few attempts, You realizes they would have rather been with Kylar anyways

Imagine you went in an accident and now you have an injury that makes it hard for you to use your hands. Now you have Kylar helping you with everyday activities that involves you using your hands, This includes helping you undress. Little did you know that Kylar is holding themselves back from touching you right then and there

Imagine  You start to hog all the blankets and Kylar gets cold so they cling tightly to You for warmth

Imagine Kylar shows you their favorite memes (or video games) to you. They get so happy when they see that you start smiling and laughing

Imagine You are wrapping a blanket around Kylar when they are sitting on the couch and watching a show 

Imagine You and Kylar holding hands because there's a crowd but not letting go when they get out of it

Imagine Kylar is at the pet store with you. You see them in awe near when playing with the puppies and kittens. You smile at the sight because it’s kinda cute. Kylar starts saying how cute they are and how they want to hug one forever. Then they look to see you and quickly adds “You are way cuter and I would want to hold you way more than all the cute kitten and puppies in the world!”

Imagine You are teaching Kylar how to kiss, and Kylar ends up kissing you really quick, nervously asks 'Like that?' and leaves you silent and flustered for a moment

Imagine Kylar and you are about to kiss when instead you two accidentally hit foreheads really hard and have matching bruises

Imagine Kylar asking you, “want me to fuck you? Hard or soft? Fast or slow? Tell me—I will do whatever you ask of me” while they are on top  you

Imagine that You and Kylar lived together. You comes home one day and hears loud moaning coming from their bedroom, recognizing Kylar’s voice. You assumes, to your horror, that Kylar is cheating on you, and you rush to the bedroom and open the door. Instead of seeing a cheating partner, You actually walks in on Kylar masturbating/using sex toys while moaning out Your name.

Imagine you and Kylar start living together in an apartment. While laying in bed, the two of them can't help but overhear their upstairs neighbors going at it rather loudly. You turn to Kylar after a while, and asks, “You wanna fuck louder than them to establish dominance?”

Imagine You sneak up behind Kylar, only to realize that Kylar was intending on some self-pleasure. Not allowing this opportunity to slip past, You offer up all of your help, whether Kylar wants it or not, is not important

Imagine Kylar fucking you so hard and so good that you can’t even get a full word out, only moans and half-uttered curses