#instead of creating something new from my imagination ex nihilo

[hal-5000]

my first print in like a year..maybe a little over?

[thesongthesoulsings]

Ex Nihilo Nihil Fit

Summary: Nothing is created from nothing but Aesop and Katherine Sharp do something. A short story about mutual self-giving and its blessing.

Link to the A03

| Part 2 |

Chapter 1: New Life Ahead

My hands ran through his smooth hair, the sun shining softly through the cream-colored curtains illuminating our naked bodies. His head was lying in my lap, while I sat upright; granting my body a change of position, after having lain horizontally for far too long. Aesop was clearly enjoying my ministrations, showing his approval through occasional low groans and kisses his lips pressed against my legs which were acting as his pillow.

His dark eyes were closed; a frown revealing that something was bothering him. I let one of my hands slide down from his neck to his back, humming calmingly.

“What is it that is bothering you?” My question made the frowning cease, signaling that he most likely wasn’t aware he had been frowning in the first place.

His answer came with a dark gruff. “I don’t want our honeymoon to end.”

A smile he did not see came involuntarily over my lips.

“We’ll have to get back, but that does not mean that we won’t have time to us. Think about all the positive changes that are awaiting us – we will be sharing rooms. We will take our usual walks around the Castel grounds, keep our dueling skills up to par, brew some necessary and some experimental potions; we will have our time in front of the fireplace, reading, talking, drinking our favorite blend of tea; we will be able to kiss, touch and look at each other in public without it being frowned upon – all of that without going separate ways at night. Instead, we’ll bathe before lying down in the same bed. Our honeymoon was only the beginning, darling.”

He nuzzled my thigh lazily before opening his eyes, raising his head and propping himself up on his forearms; eyes shining untypically mischievously. “You being the only comfort after having had a tedious day surrounded by unskilled teenagers, will undoubtedly result in having to tie you down.” This time he saw the smile I bestowed upon him.

“Sounds promising to me. You’re just forgetting one thing.” I let the words hang in the air, moving so that my breasts were pressed against his back, my mouth at his ear, and my loins atop his solid buttocks. He followed me with his head until his nose was in line with the curve of his shoulders.

“That is?”

My lips touched his left shoulder, while my hands roamed over his sides. “You’ll sometimes find solace in being tied down.” My womanhood sought delicious friction against his backside, making a growl leave his throat before suddenly taking back the upper hand by pushing me down into the mattress. He looked down at me, his lips slightly pursed in order to hide his arising smirk. He looked at me for a while, his features becoming softer, his eyes assured. “I find solace in knowing you love me, Katherine. Your love is like a lily among thorns. I find solace in the paradise that lies hidden between those elegant pillars of marble which are your legs; marble that somehow is softer, warmer and more inviting than anything I might imagine. I find solace in your kisses, which are sweeter than the purest wine. It is your very own smell that embraces me gifting comfort, your very own voice which calls out to my soul. I don’t tell you enough how much I care for you, sweetheart.”

I had been prepared for playful wrestling, for passionate conquest, or for an amused inquisition, but certainly not for such a poetic confession of dedication. I could not fight the urge to let my hand glide along his bristly jawline, taking in his handsome scared face with my eyes, feeling his fingers brush my lips adoringly. There was no deceitfulness in his eyes, nothing that would render his words lie. Despite not knowing what earned me this affection, I took it willingly and protected it with all I was. I did not kiss his exploring finger, letting him feel every curve and brim of the supple lip he was caressing instead.

When he leaned down there was no question as to where my hands would find hold – they instinctively found their way into his hair once more, pulling his naked person closer. His hairy chest – which I loved beyond words and usually invited me to bury my nose in it – rubbed against my bare one. His lips reached mine, capturing them in a kiss which seemed to have the purpose of conveying the truthfulness of his feelings, leaving me moaning into his mouth. He yearned for me as I yearned for him, there was no doubt. Aesop’s strong hand wrapped around my shoulder, his wedding band reminding me of our commitment. I was completely his and he was mine.

“You show it.” My words were repaid with a kiss to the forehead; his baritone vibrating through me, when the promise left him. “I intend on continuing doing so.”

He lowered his head, and the next thing I felt was his mouth closing around one of my exposed buds. I couldn't control my reaction, could not stop myself from moaning and my back from leaving the bed seeking more of his attention. The arousal was coursing through my body in a tingling fashion, seeking to be enhanced and stilled simultaneously by calling for more. More pressure, more intensity, more Aesop.

“Aesop...” My hips were already seeking his, but he took his time, mapping out the body below him with care. His nose, his mouth, his fingers – they seemed to be everywhere and yet not where I would like them to be. My wrangling and sighing did not bother him, he continued – his stubbly cheek rubbing against my stomach. When his tongue touched my navel, I whimpered. “Please...” He followed my pleading, pushing a kiss above my mons pubis before going lower and granting my labia the same soft kiss. He was admiring this body he had spent the last month discovering, making me realize that being the center of his attention was intoxicating.

“It’s unfortunate you cannot see yourself through my eyes, take in your scent like I do, feel your soft skin below rougher hands of your own. You’re utterly captivating.” His words – spoken between my legs which now seemed like a gate opened in invitation – were soft but not lacking in intensity. As if receiving the adoration of a capable and intelligent man such as Aesop would not be arousing enough, it being declared near my center aided his ministrations by vibrating through my core. It came suddenly – the enthusiastic diving in of his face between my thighs. His tongue did not seek out my clitoris but explored my entrance instead. He probed the inside of my labia, danced around my bud with a flattened tongue. My body tensed – I was ready for him to take me, to invade my body with his aroused manhood. I did not care whether I sounded wanton or desperate – I was both for him, after all.

“Please, Aesop, please... take me! Fill me!... Fuck me.” I was so lost in his lovemaking, that I failed to see his facial expression. What I did notice was his groan, his hands gripping my legs possessively, before one of those entered me with two fingers. No longer was I capable of rational thought, becoming a puddle of euphoric emotions which led to my complete submission. It took me great effort to open my eyes, but seeing the intense look on his face was worth it. Gripping his arm, I pulled it nearer – guiding his fingers deeper into me. My moaning became background noise, his fingers moving inside of me the focus of my enthrallment.

My trust in him was the only thing that allowed me to show my vulnerability in such moments; the knowledge that my loss of control was his desire everything I needed to freely fall.

“Let go, love.” His instruction was followed by him covering my clit with his tongue, eager to bring pleasure about without losing its sensual slow pace. It did not take long for him to make me come undone, my body trembling and multiple little mewls escaping me.

He was above me before I managed to come back from the ecstasy inducing climax, gliding over my swollen pearl with the weeping head of his sex; fondling my entrance with it before sliding home. His eyes rolled back, his scarred but handsome face drawn into a mask of painful pleasure. He was helpless with need, burying his face in my neck, shoulders vibrating with the effort of gaining control.

He was seated deeply inside of me, his shuddering breath stimulating my need to comfort him through gifting him pleasure. Thrusting into me, he whimpered my name, stretching me to fill the void he wanted to conquer. His movements were slow but determined, calling a life-giving sweet rhythm into existence. “Oh, my sweet girl.” His deep moaning was reminiscent of dark velvet, his sweat mingling with mine; desperate cries leaving him telling me how much he needed me, how much he needed this.

My hips sought to meet his, to grant him the absence of pain and the abundance of healing intimacy. I kissed his scrubby cheek, pressed my nose against it, while letting him claim my very being. His forehead found mine, breath meeting breath. “I love you.” My declaration opened his lids, making me witness the hazy desire and complete surrender in his dark brown eyes. “I adore you”, he gasped, hitting a saccharine spot inside of me that made me clamp around him; leaving us both catching a breath.

The old game of entering and leaving became faster, my womanhood tightening around his manhood, begging him for release and his seed. His voice, strained with concentration, begged me to touch my breasts, to do what he couldn’t in the position we had chosen. I sought my nipples, trying to follow his advice and haunt down the fulfillment we were trying to seek in each other. When the waves finally clashed upon me, my aching longing dissolving, leaving me quivering and panting, they took him with me. Aesop’s groan went through my body, his nose finding mine. I felt him twitch, pumping his semen into my womb. He held himself above me for a short while, before lying down beside me – arm hiding his eyes. The rising and falling of his chest had me entranced, but I did not want to move before the passageway he had just coated with his essence stopped fluttering.

Thoughts started to slowly maneuver their way back into my mind, implanting questions, answers and wishes. I stayed silent, trying to enjoy the slow floating down from heights. It was Aesop who spoke first, arm still over his eyes. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

I looked at him, asking myself whether he was trying to underline the power I had over him, or wanting to open up about something else. “You make it sound torturous, despite me being quite sure of having done nothing to wound you.” The humor in my voice tucked at the corners of his mouth, teasing a smile out of him.

“No, wound me you did not. It’s the intensity of feelings you revive in me. Sometimes they seem peaceful like a warming fire at a beach, while they threaten to consume me at other times, nearly blinding me to everything else. I’ve loved you longer than I courted you, yet am I waiting for the intensity to cease.”

My smile turned bitter. “I don’t want it to cease, not much. I’m not running away from reality, and as such not falling for the lies some like to believe – the intensity will cease to some degree. I just doubt that I will ever be capable of looking at you without feeling drawn to you, and I do not wish for you to lose that yearning you feel for me either.”

He lowered his arm; thoughtful eyes taking in my disheveled and silently pleading self. Propping himself up on his side, he faced me, gaze softly tracing my features.

“I do not think me capable of breaking the pull you have on me, nor is it my intent. I cherish that you of all people, decided to bind yourself to a crippled grumpy old man such as myself.”

I could not halt the eye rolling, having heard his self-deprecating words far too often by now.

“For someone usually so confident and capable, you certainly have no awareness regarding the effect you have on the fairer sex. Aesop, I am no fool and I do not lack taste. If I chose you, it is because I think you capable in many aspects. I had many suitors, but none of them caught me off guard as you did. However irrational it might be to some, I came to the conclusion that we were meant to come together. I will not have you question your worth, especially not since I’m so flawed that I truly do not deserve to be placed on a pedestal.”

His clever strong veiny hand caught my chin; eyes suddenly hard as steel.

“I do not place you on a pedestal, Katherine. You are an extraordinary witch and woman, and I doubt anyone who crosses your path will question it. It does not mean that I do not recognize your shortcomings, I do, but it means that I am willing to live with those, because they do not clash with mine. We both have our blemishes, but they pale in comparison to what we are willing to offer one another.” His words flowed like a dark steady river, and as silky as his voice was, it was still intertwined with the same steel – the same sincerity – his gaze held.

Loosening his hold on my chin, once he felt certain I had taken in his words, he kissed my lips as if he wanted to place a bandage on a cut.

“We should eat out before returning to the Castel tonight”, he changed the topic. I closed my eyes, soothed by his assurance. “We should.”

[learnbywords]

The Bold | Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind

It’s a bold move for Yuval Noah Harari to write a synopsis of all sapiens history. He starts with a timeline of all history, even before humans existed. I would’ve liked to highlight some of those events, but how do you choose important events reaching back to 13,800,000,000 years ago? The timeline begins at the Big Bang, the point at which the Newtonian laws of physics makes its first steps. I knew the age of the universe before reading this book, but it’s still awe-inspiring when I consider it. Homo Sapiens is the scientific term for our own species (I’m assuming only Homo Sapiens are reading this), but the author points out that human refers to all species under the genus Homo. Other human species are Homo Erectus, Homo Neanderthalensis, and Homo Australopithecus. Harari focuses on the only species that aren’t extinct, Homo Sapiens.

This isn’t a book summary. I’d want people to try to read it on their own. I feel that doing a summary would stifle that goal. This post is just about the thoughts that this book inspired.

Creatio ex nihilo:

There’s this Latin phrase we have in Christian circles: Creatio ex nihilo. It means creation out of nothing. It refers to God creating the universe out of void. The idea gets ridiculed a lot, but I think there’s something to it.

The book talks a lot about language. It points out that Homo Sapiens became dominant on earth because of complex language. Many animals have a simple language: apes have calls to warn others of predators, ants use chemicals to direct others to food, and birds sing to find mates during spring. But our complex language allows us to do more; we can share imaginations together. People around the world can unite around common ideas like religion, human rights, nations, and even sports teams. I’d have a hard time having a productive friendship with someone on the other side of the world, but we can work towards a goal if we share a common idea.

I brought up Creatio ex nihilo because, like the Christian God, humans use language to create. God speaks the universe into existence. He says, “Let there be light,” and there is. Of course, humans create things like religion, economics, and psychology with language, but I think we also create things within ourselves. There’s an old memory that shows itself in my mind often. My mom is driving us to a Burger King to pick up food. We order and wait in the car. She tells me to go inside to get the food once it’s prepared. I do just that, bring the food back into the car, and crumble into tears. She asks me what’s wrong, but I can only express myself through raw emotion. It’s not that I didn’t know why, but I had no words for it.

I was sensitive to the way that my mom spoke to me. Her words felt harsh and took me by surprise. I was fine right before this event. I was comfortable and doing my own thing, and my mom’s words punched me right in the gut. It hurt me. She didn’t mean for it to, but it did.

Language defogged that memory and made it refined and new. Words helped me to categorize, reason, and discern to create a memory that I could understand so that it’s no longer baggage on me. When God speaks, he creates material worlds. When we speak, we create worlds within our own conscience. That childhood memory became a bit more real to me when I used language to explain it. Creatio ex nihilo.

Admitting Ignorance:

Have you ever thought about what maps looked like before anyone had travelled across the world? They were actually… full! Before the 1500s, not one person had made a trip across earth, but people still thought they knew what all the earth looked like. The direct surroundings were drawn well, but if any navigator used these world maps for long-distance travel, they’d get lost faster than Gen Z’ers would without GPS. One of the most insightful things Harari points out is that the scientific revolution was sparked by an admission of ignorance about the universe. Humans said, “we don’t know everything,” and accepted that they could be proven wrong. That admission swung open the door to knowing more.

Welcoming our blindness led to unbelievable leaps in humanity. If a peasant living in 1000 AD time-travelled 500 years into the future to 1500 AD, he’d feel the world is still familiar. If he jumped ahead another 500 years to 2000 AD, he might have a heart-attack from seeing metal boxes on wheels, moving lights on a hand-held rectangle, and how needlessly fancy brunch and coffee are. Here are some more examples Harari uses to put our world into perspective of the not-so-distant past:

A single battleship today could eradicate all the navies of the world during Columbus’ time.

A small flash drive could hold all the scriptures in every medieval library.

A large bank contains more money than the wealth of all premodern kingdoms put together.

We’ve come a long a way only because we recognized how behind we were. We’ve got to know that we’re dumb to get smarter. I’m sure we could all use a healthy dose of honesty by admitting we don’t know the world as well as we think we do.

How to View Sin

This section might get more flak than the previous ones, but it connects with the Admitting Ignorance theme. People discovered that human knowledge was limited. With that discovery came a yearning to learn of what we didn’t know. If we have an incomplete map, wouldn’t you want to adventure to complete it? The thought reminds me of the Zelda: Breath of the Wild. You start the game with this map:

You eventually want to get to this:

(The red outline marks that map that you start with).

There’s a desire to dive into the unknown parts of the map. However, the real world is not as black and white as Zelda’s world. Instead of harming goblins and Ganon, people often harmed each other in the process of exploration. Imperialism and conquest. These aren’t fun words today. They’re sin in today’s world (which is right to a certain extent). But the results of these sins aren’t all bad.

The Indus Valley civilization is one of the earliest human civilizations that we know of. Evidence tells us that it existed from about 3300 BC to 1300 BC (a whopping 2000 years!) and was located around northwestern India and eastern Pakistan. The remnants of these people were first discovered around the 1920s. Will anyone debate that this isn’t a wonderful discovery? Is it not a good thing that we know more about human history from this ancient culture? Of course, it’s good! The thing is no one cared much for the Indus Valley ruins until British rule came to India. None of the Indian rulers or sultans of ages past had records of what the Indus Valley civilization was. The people who lived there would pass by the relics regularly but pay them no mind. It was a Brit who took an interest in Indian history and started the Archaeological Survey of India. That led to the research and preservation of the Indus Valley civilization artifacts. In this case, imperialism and conquest partook in the unearthing and conservation of this extinct culture.

Is there right and wrong? I’m certain the world would be worse if there weren’t, but life is complicated. Right and wrong must be clear and defined. At the same time, individual humans aren’t clear and defined. Bad actions can lead to good things, and good actions can lead to bad things. I’m sure we can all think of a bad experience that made us stronger people. Sin is always bad. People are always a combination of good and bad. I don’t think we should accept the bad actions people do. However, I do think we should try to understand why people do them and what results from them.

Conclusion – 2021

I started working on this essay way before the end of 2020, and I started reading Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind waaaaay before that. I didn’t intend on writing this at the end of the year, but here we are. All in all, this book made the world seem bigger and my own time feel shorter. For me, that means taking on a humbler position going into 2021. What does it mean for you?