#instead of just making my own in 10

[eb3yr]

My friend has this shiny eevee superhero character with stretchy powers. I'm sure he would love a drawing of him! If you want to, of course.

Your gum is forfeit for your sins

[transmascissues]

i love you testosterone i love you voice cracks i love you bass notes i love you loud laugh i love you fuzzy mustache i love you whispy patchy beard i love you bushy eyebrows i love you hairy stomach i love you knuckle and hand hair i love you boy smell i love you bottom growth i love you new orgasms i love you big nose i love you square jaw i love you squishy stomach i love you thighs that touch i love you stretch marks i love you acne i love you acne scars i love you body heat i love you appetite i love you mood stability i love you balanced hormone cycle i love you puberty awkwardness i love you uncertainty i love you adjustment i love you transformation i love you change i love you maturation i love you growth i love you freedom i love you euphoria i love you comfort i love you familiarity i love you recognition i love you second chances i love you masculinization i love you embodied manhood i love you testosterone

[deoidesign]

something that makes me sad is when people tell me the healthy communication in my writing is "unrealistic."

like guys this is how me and my partner talk with eachother... I'm writing from personal experience...

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[gideonisms]

I will skimp on anything in the world except getting takeout delivered I could be wearing clothing I've patched 7 different times and 50% of my dishes will be plastic containers I've reused but I WILL spend $25 on curry and rice

[fallout-fucker]

Sole Survivor Headcanon

Kind of OC based but it's also vague (Although Minutemen leaning) so like. If your Sole wasn't a soldier or lawyer. Or anything. Just a skill-less bastard. You might like this. Enjoy.

Sole being trusted by so many factions just for breathing is so funny actually. Like they deadass crawl out of a cave, freshly traumatised, and told they're a General? Because they helped someone? Cool, yeah, sure, uh-huh. That's a great amount of pressure to handle on top of their circumstances.

I like to think that everyone also assumes they're insanely clever. It's not that Sole isn't, per se, but everyone treats them like a genius. A prodigy. People have told Sole they understand why Preston trusted them so much because the Commonwealth 'needs their level of knowledge and intelligence to get better'. To which Sole is always bewildered, because their 'extensive level of knowledge' is just. High school level. Basic science lessons.

They know about evolution and stem cells and stuff. They know how disease and antibodies work. They're praised for changing people's opinions on vaccination when, with the help of Curie, they start a campaign to bring back vaccines. Their goal was to fight the viruses that had been brought back from near extinction from 200+ years of no healthcare system, no scientists and doctors to cure them. A tilt back in the direction of accessible Pre-War healthcare.

Sole knows history. They know what to watch out for, how to spot tension between factions. They know how to avoid more war, lessons learned from textbooks and late nights with post-it notes. They know how to piece together a scale and pin point the tipping point to stop it before shit goes down because they did a project about it on a WW1 assignment. The Great War. The irony is not lost on Sole when they contemplate that name for too long.

They're decent at Maths. Decent enough to make sure the caps and donations to the Minutemen are being put to good use. To make sure the book keeping is up to code and every cap is accounted for, and what it should be put towards. Like trying to bring back vaccines from 200 years ago. Negotiating with Vault 81 to let Curie use the old lab there goes way more smoothly when they've got the caps to make a worthy case for the cause.

Sole knows why people assume their mind is unmatched, though. In a way it is, sort of, they suppose. Since education is rare in the Post-War world, and even then it's not at the level it was Pre-War, Sole just seems smart. Everyone thinks they are.

Sole never knows how to handle it.

Are they complicit for letting people believe they're a genius? Should they keep up the charade so people listen to them? The thought keeps them up at night. Preston laughs at them for it.

MacCready reminds them of the many times they looked like a dumbass in every other circumstance where they lacked knowledge. 210 years of missing out on General Wolrd Stuff will do that to ya. It's not necessarily their fault, but he still likes to drag them for the time they got food poisoning because they didn't realise some of the new plants had to be cooked before consumption.

Every time someone acts in awe of Sole's intelligence, MacCready snickers because he was there in the early days. Sole had hired him to watch their back. Soon enough he became their mentor on how to shoot a gun properly. How to maintain it. What to eat, what not to eat, what to definetly not eat. How to make sure mole rat meat is 100% cooked. How to safely remove as much radiation as possible from water and food when you have only basic supplies. He would never think Sole is stupid. They know a lot compared to most people, but learning how to survive and knowing how to count are very different types of knowledge. No, he'd never think they're stupid. But he definetly humbles them, which Sole is actually happy about. He still affectionately calls them an idiot and reminds them of the time they tripped over their own laces, alerting the radstag they were hunting of their presence. And the food poisoning thing. And the incident with the bucket. And when they almost touched a deadly plant because they thought it would look nice in a vase they found.

Thing is, Preston taught them basics of how to shoot and fight before they left Sanctuary. MacCready picked up the workload when he met Sole and realised they'd likely get them both killed if he didn't. Cait showed them hand to hand combat and lockpicking. Everyone at some point taught Sole something. So Sole goes red from embarrassment when being complimented on their mind, because they know they're gonna get an earful from their friends later. Affectionately bullied. You know Deacon has some blackmail level information from the months he followed them. They all sit at Sole's kitchen counter and share stories of Sole's embarrassing misadventures over breakfast. That's just what a family does.

[amber-tortoiseshell]

Something new under the sun - Phoenix

During the cat color tournament, I stumbled into a Russian maine coon breeder's, Natalia Yakhontova (Doma Yahontoff Maine Coons) facebook page (via this messybeast article which got updated since, and know includes phoenix on its own rights), and I found a very interesting, unique new color: phoenix.

The first phoenix cats were born in 2021 august to a black golden tortie mother and a black smoke father, and were believed to be particularly bright goldens.

The parents, Karamel Sanatacun and Ice Cream Dom Sapfiroff

According to the breeder:

в первом помете она дала трёх фениксов,трёх черепах,одного черного золотого кота и одного красного мраморного (In the first litter she [Karamel] gave birth to three phoenixes, three tortoiseshells, one black golden cat and one red blotched cat.)

Obama,a mystery-colored kitten from the first litter, and his siblings.

Along with Karamel, one of the kittens, Obama Iz Doma Yahontoff was tested for several known colors: chocolate and cinnamon, serdolic and amber, and got negative results for all. Obama started to grow up and he looked less and less like a golden cat:

He moved to the Dom Sapfiroff cattery and was paired several different females.

One of Obama's mates, Nicole Kidman of Lionsgate alone and together with Obama. According to the breeders working on the color they are both genetically red (the only difference is the phoenix mutation).

In the last year thanks to Obama the number of phoenix kittens went up quite a bit:

...but there's still too few cats to really understand how this mutation works. There's much too see in future, and I can't wait the learn about it!

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

[lucalicatteart]

A few little sketches of some possible school uniforms for mage schools/learning centers for magic/etc. :0c Though because Nanyevimi is so scattered and disconnected, it'd actually vary much more by region (like not everywhere would have a cultural concept of what a suit jacket or neck tie looks like lol), so it's probably unrealistic for so many of them to follow too many traditional Uniform Conventions from cultures in our world, etc. But, still, fun to mess around with designs, and think about which would be most fun to wear/what school you'd go to just based off the clothing lol~

[bmpmp3]

its important to watch a new movie or read a new book sometimes. largely because 1) its nice to experience all the art this world has to offer but also 2) you might be able to find new scenarios to imagine your OCs in

[vaugarde]

i already knew about roy’s wattrel evolving because people on twitter were comparing it to gliscor’s evolution and claiming it’s the same thing and it’s kinda amusing to me because liiiiike. gliscor didnt really invent the concept of evolving to save your trainer, thats literally a potential reading for charizard’s evolution. when i compare later pokeani moments back to gliscor i hope im implying properly that it’s all mostly just a bit. like im not actually saying dracovish is just like gliscor because it also refused to be recalled in an important battle so it could fight to the end.

that being said gliscor’s evolution was like a million times better than kilowattrel’s lol

[999-roses]

@niteshade925 :

Because sinophobia is now fused with political scapegoating. A very dangerous combination. Now that we are seeing deliberate genocide in Palestine, I do wonder how long it will be before the camps start opening for business again #:)#i mean internment camps were a thing. there is a precedent for this kind of bs.#sorry to op for taking it there#but I do think some things need to be said. before it's too late.

in all seriousness, while I don't want to completely dismiss internment as a future possibility, however, imo there are marked differences between modern-day aapi/sino diaspora landscape and previous forms of yellow peril, which would make a revival of some kind of internment project unlikely, at least on a large and public scale. (of course there's no telling for secret disappearances and/or trussing up the ol' sinophobic trope of spy accusations - which have in recent times prompted some reversal of brain drain at the very least)

between now and then was McCarthyism and widespread systemic project of anticommunism... like literally, the PRC wasn't even established yet when the last japanese internment camps were closed.

The form of assimilation we see today is the project of "diversity & inclusion" - in the American project. In similar hypocrisy as idealizing "free speech" (in which only acceptable speech is tolerated in narrow parameters regardless of factuality), inclusion is predicated on alignment to US American interests. The diaspora (not just Chinese) who openly denounce and make a show of "I left my home country because it was communist which is bad" get platformed in mainstream media. I can't remember the last time I heard of anyone who says "I love my motherland [not the US]" spread in mainstream media (or films propped up and lauded in the west), it's completely unheard of. Films made in China that remotely have a message of national pride get smeared as "propaganda" (laughs in Top Gun & other DoD hollywood), and often do not receive screenings in the US. This is essentially a requirement now in order to assimilate into the predominant US culture. As an Asian diaspora you can opt out of "yellow peril" by denouncing it yourself, thereby aiding in legitimizing "yellow peril" as a real threat to "real Americans" or capitalism or whatever. (This isn't to say it won't bite people in the butt, but by and large, the victims of hate crimes are marginalized folk like elderly or [assumed] sex workers, and not the ones who make a show to be anti-China/pro-USA who are more likely to come from backgrounds of relative privilege.)

the american empire wouldn't need internment camps anymore, in fact it would be detrimental to their optics and mythos (from "land of opportunity" to "melting pot"). over 70 years of effort put into converting would-be sympathizers of communist kinsmen into staunch supporters of liberal democracy - a different type of cage if you ask me - wasted

borrowing from from "Can the Chinese Diaspora Speak?" (recommend checking out the whole article wrt overseas chinese history btw) ::

In an era of renewed Cold War aggression towards China, historicizing the workings of multicultural empire and the strategic inclusion of the Chinese diaspora therein reveals the justifying discourses of U.S. imperialism. ... By the mid–1950s, the State Department and CIA had both identified the overseas Chinese as a strategic target for psychological warfare and anticommunist propaganda. .... Identifying the “critical importance” of overseas Chinese to U.S. Cold War efforts, ethnic Chinese in the United States were mobilized to produce and disseminate testimonials of U.S. exceptionalism to encourage Chinese diasporic allegiance to their host countries and not “Red China.” For instance, the USIA launched a popular Chinese-language magazine called Free World Chinese, which featured success stories of Chinese and other Asians in the United States as evidence of free world liberal exceptionalism. ... In differentiating “friends and enemies,” Cold War Chinese American inclusion was premised on a binary between “model minority” anticommunist allies and “yellow peril” communist sympathizers. While Cold War racial liberalism afforded new opportunities for civil inclusion for Chinese Americans willing to embrace the legitimizing fictions of U.S. imperialism, it also created conditions for state-sanctioned anticommunist repression for those alleged to have the wrong international sympathies.

[marypsue]

Related to that last post -

I have semi-followed jfashion/lolita fashion blogs for pretty much my entire internet career. One of the things that I see really frequently on 'outfit of the day' posts from these blogs is that they'll list the brands where they got an article if it's a Known Brand. Then, at the end of the post, there's an 'everything else offbrand'.

I get why this happens. But I've rotated in my mind for a while now the concept of doing a fashion blog where the outfit info breaks down where every single item comes from, not just the expensive fashion brand items. Because I think there's an unintended impression that comes from these kinds of posts that, if you want a coordinated outfit in a specific style that looks good, you have to spend a lot of money.

You can do that, if that's an option for you! And there are ways to get that Brand Look, if it's the brand you're attached to, without spending Brand Money. Secondhand sales are major in that sphere of fashion, as are (at least in lolita fashion) replicas, which have been controversial but I support on the simple principle that they extend the size range in which certain designs that are never produced above a Large are available in.

But moving outside the circles of jfashion and lolita fashion (and, heck, even including them), I do think there could be value in more people who dress up in cool outfits providing a source for everything they're wearing. Because sometimes an investment item can make an outfit. But more often, I've found, it's everything else you wear with the investment item that really showcases the investment item and creates a look, instead of just...wearing an expensive thing that came from a big name brand.

And I don't think it'd be a bad thing, especially in this age of internet fashion people and conspicuous consumption and kids getting the impression that subculture fashion has to be expensive and brand-name, to remind people how your own personal taste and judgment can be used to create Outfits and Looks without having to spend a lot of money or own any big name brand items, at all.

[girlscience]

trying to figure out the exact line I can ride for clothes to a family function is hell. i just want to wear a suit pleaz. let me wear a tie. i'm begging atp

[cleromancy]

the post thats like "as a bette enjoyer i understand jason likers just making stuff up but dont you want something good dont you want something that delivers" is so goofy like. yeah i fucking do and i want jason to deliver it

[the-busy-ghost]

Ah yes, the dream £10 vintage Laura Ashley skirt (made in Great Britain), in good quality corduroy

The dream skirt that requires a fucking PHD in ironing