#instead of making fun of people for having an identity you dont understand

[oopsallfictives]

Every now and then I see a post that reminds me that most non-kin have an idea of the otherkin community that's defined more by people who made fun of us than by our community itself

If you heard about otherkin through general tumblr osmosis but never made an effort to actually understand us, your mental image of otherkin is mostly likely informed by people who pretended to be otherkin to start drama with the express intent to get people to hate us. It was really common a while back for anti-kin to create blogs posing as otherkin and post absurd, ridiculous, and inflammatory things like "I'm plantkin and keeping houseplants is slavery" or "I'm dragonkin and I ate my mom's jewelry". If you actually knew anything about the community it was fairly easy to figure out that these blogs were trolls, but most of the people on tumblr at the time either didn't know enough to be able to tell, or didn't even consider that they might be fake

And the most upsetting part? It fucking worked. So many people still seem to think that those posts were genuine reflections of what being otherkin means and how we act or talk about our kin identities

[mixelation]

tori: i am not dangerous, i am practically a civilian!!! I dont get in “fights”! OR win fights! i get in *situations* with *violent murderers* and I *survive them(through violent murders)*. I could never fight someone! … but I can *prevent* most people from being physically capable of fighting me! its easy and cheating so its not real strength/capacity for violence. full stop doesn’t count. some people might say neutralizing your enemy is the same as winning the fight. i won’t accept that though because thinking of myself as capable of winning fights would shatter the last clinging pieces of my identity/self concept and I Can’t Lose That :). I am HARMELESS and am only surviving (barely) through cheating with magic reality coding (easy and fun so doesn’t count as effort/skill/strength), the ol’ “Fastest Escalation Wins” strategy (a vital tool for the weak and untrained), and “fake it til ya make it” cons (also easy and fun so doesn’t count.) i am not scary, or powerful?? or god forbid hard to approach??? i am a completely normal standard woman making completely understandable, obvious choices?? I Am Normal. I Am. I am NORMAL.

*random chuunin* : “oh my god she’s one of the deadliest most sadistic ninja alive. she’s friends with extremely powerful ninja which is just more confirmation she’s in that class of power. she gets away with extremely offputting, rude, menacing behavior with people of high station, which further confirms she’s either an asset or too hard to get rid of… cuz she’s so so scary and powerful. i heard she traps people in unbreakable barriers and then kills them slowly (for fun??) after tormenting them for days or forces them to kill themselves to escape her…. she melts people alive. she will boil your eyeballs. she will skin you with her pinky fingernail. she will boil your skin and make you *WISH* she would skin you with her pinky fingernail. she will turn you inside out and not realize you’re still alive, just slowly suffocating/dying in agony, and leave you there to die by yourself. or she realizes and gets frustrated because you are irritating her by having survived so now she has to figure out how to kill you faster because… mercy is good i guess? idk it feels immoral to just leave you like this and she feels (like she should feel) bad for you and she tries a couple other experimental seals but they all just make things worse for you instead of killing you and eventually she remembers she has a knife and then does an extremely slow and sloppy hacking stabbing job trying to hit something vital getting more and more disgruntled with how much effort this is taking because she used an experimental seal instead of something reliable. ”

Tori:

[narwhalandchill]

a bit more serious/negative note on childes characterization and fandom perception, saw a post where the tone upset me quite a bit

i did do a whole vent/rant/cathartic 2.4k words of writeup on this yesterday which like did help clear my thoughts a lot but in hindsight is way too long to just release by itself so i suppose ill just summarize my thinking now

so i would really appreciate it if a certain subset of childe fans reading his character a specific way (the trauma, identity crisis, dark abyss experiences, etc. - you know the one) could stop acting as if its this like. superior canon proven hoyo intended most real and intellectual way to look at his character and interpret his narrative. as opposed to just one reading of the canon material among others. and im sure most people are civil but ive seen this tone enough to just need to get this off my chest rn.

like im not "missing" something or being "tricked" (what?) by childe or the narrative. its not some naive ignorance about this reading being a thing and the ways people argue for it. ive read his lore. p much memorized it rly. and i simply did not find the arguments that compelling or feel that inserting this additional layer of subjective interpretation atop my understanding of the canon text did much to enhance childes narrative potential or characterization for me.

simply put. applying this super strict irl psychology logic (bc yes a real 14 yo going thru some irl version of ajax' backstory would get severe psychological disturbances as p much given. i know what the DSM-V is) to fantasy game characters isnt how i enjoy engaging with childe or any character really.

genshin is a fantasy game and fantasy as a genre has always readily sidestepped things like realistic psychological consequences of various heavy experiences in favor of building a compelling narrative whenever necessary. i dont find arguments relating to irl psychology particularly relevant at all on the subject really. if you enjoy this approach, go on, have fun! but please understand that its an interpretation that people can disagree without being "wrong" or failing some arbitrary reading comprehension test.

like the dismissive tone i see from people who simply cannot comprehend that like no, this take isnt some universal truth of hoyos that every person will glean from reading up on childes lore and appearances if theyre big brain and intellectual enough is just... really fucking rude? and alienating.

im not going to go on a like whole ramble on all the things that i personally see very much as hinting towards childes characterization going quite a different direction than this popular heavy self-doubt, psychological angle would suggest. its my interpretation after all, and could be proven wrong the way any interpretation can. but for now ive read his lore for years and looked into every single tidbit that involves him and so far hoyos writing of him hasnt given me any convinving case for changing my view drastically anytime soon. and id just like to be allowed to exist in this fandom space without being randomly jumpscared by posts alleging im reducing his character to this or that just bc i see his greatest narrative potential elsewhere.

theres enough insane shit and incredibly interesting lore relating to his overall role in the story and the cosmic scale of teyvat as a whole to be invested in already. like taking childes character as depicted to us and how in-game content characterizes him at a relative face value as opposed to seeking an implied internal struggle of sth hidden and repressed is me simply finding that take the most unique, fascinating, horrifying, compelling and exciting way to see him instead. thats what i love about him and his character. like im sorry, in my eyes the dark past corrupting innocence and trauma angle has just been done to death already in media. childe can have something actually different and breaking those tropes is what makes him stand out for me!

anyway. this whole situation is not sth i wanna start flaming ppl for or make into some drama, i try my best to stay on my lane and let ppl live even if i disagree w these sorta takes on childe. and i just wish for that grace to be extended towards myself too.

[beepsalotl]

crying ugh i love these characters so much and i hate the world so much except i dont and i just wish i could have what these characters had and be in a place that isnt like this one

im gonna cry ugh i dont know why i care so much, theyre not even real. but, like, in my head, they are, yknow? as in, they exist in the space i built for rhem as i read the series and learned about them and their world

fun fact, they were the first two characters whose books (each is the continuation of the story from a different third-person-limited perspective) had their names in the title. black hardcover w green embellishments for moonwatcher, a nightwing. white hardcover w blue for winter, an icewing. books six and seven, respectively. all the symbolism was there before you even open the goddamn books. yin and yang. AND YET.

and also they had two different histories and their tribes had a stale feud for thousands of years bc of some asshole jerkface. moon knew nothing about it bc she was raised in the rainforest practically by herself bc her mom had to sneak away from the shitty volcanic island the nightwings lived on to hide from the historic nightmare jerkface. winter knew all about it (or he THOUGHT he did bc he only knew the icewing side) bc he grew up surrounded by heirarchy and laws and rules and structure. moon didn’t grow up with the resentment at all, which allowed her a chance to see the truth.

she had to be self-sufficient. he had structure to lean on, even if it made him narrow-minded and nearly hard-hearted. he had to break through that, and she learned how to have patience. i feel like moon herself is sorely underdeveloped but i take the hints i can get and i feel that she learned how to forgive him by understanding who he was through his thoughts and, after skyfire, remembering that he was different inside than out and was still struggling.

when they were together, he was trying to be better and learn and he was kinder and softer even though he struggled to always be like that, and she was so patient with him.

heartbroken enraged screaming ensues, really.

like the rey and ben situation at the end of tros.

having him die in the end undermines everything the skywalker legacy stood for and all the development he had and it still breaks my heart bc he proved people can make bad, horrible choices and can survive abuse and break through it and change and be better and be loved. and then he DIED instead of getting his happy ending, which practically is what happened to winter bc the author basically said fuck you go live in the mountains doing work for peace and studying scavengers (which i know is his passion, but….) and your friends will hardly visit or write and they wont tell you the truth about how they defeated the bad guy WITHOUT ANY OF YOUR HELP EVEN THOUGH YOURE MORE THAN CAPABLE and they wont trust you and youll be alone forever.

my list of pairings and characters that i’m unreasonably heartbroken over:

ben and rey, winter and moon, catra and adora, draco and harry, zuko and katara.

catradora got together, ik, but their story still breaks my heart no matter how much hope it also gives me.

anyway, there’s no way for me to end this bc i dont even know what im feeling. it’s been years but winterwatcher’s fate still tears me up inside with the way it dashed my dreams of seeing a character like winter learn to let himself be loved.

i want to learn to let myself be loved, but i dont know how.

these characters are my attempts at finding myself out in the world and seeing if it’s possible. i dont attach my self-worth to them, but it hurts to see them fail to find romantic love where i saw it. idk

— a quick journal entry i wrote in my notes app years ago, as an emotional 16 year old with identity issues and way too much alone time on my hands

[3point14a]

OK SO SOME PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN OUR PUPPET AND ILL TRY TO EXPLAIN MYSELF OVER HERE because 1) I dont think it's a good explanation really :,3 (still working on it) and 2) since we are still working on it (magic system killing us) I don't think i should put it on my art blog or whatever given it may change ToT not how they (the twins) are per se but the explanation of why the hell they r even like that

so yeah! a lot of text under the cut! i don't guarantee any of it makes sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so first of all: Choco you were so right about most of those guesses you did holy shit.

It's both. Pup is trans and identical to Mai and they r both afab, demi-boy he/they, Mai is demigirl she/they, silly as hell. And for the horrible part?? Uh buckle in because this is a lot of us just trying to make ourselves understandable at all

Ok so. Ok so. What the hell are shadows. 

Fhs (Mainly Zero) tells us that shadows are a manifestation of people's negative emotions, the worst sides of them. We really really don't like this, shadows being "things a person is suppressing" 1) because we just don't really like it as a trope?? Like, the demons will get you in the normal people way, you will explode in the normal people way, we don't need magic to make you explain what's wrong with you it will show eventually. (we also think  it takes away some responsibility to the characters, if they act out, bc of their shadow instead of that just being a human quality.) 

And 2)  because Fred being grouped in there just feels bad, we know he's the "exception" and that's why he's special but we don't like it irregardless, it takes away from his personhood to be in that shadow category if theyre going to overall be categorized as smth that “is” someone else's, and therefore we just have to come up with a new magic system!!! easy peasy right?!?!?! (no)

In canon, we really just do not know what's up with mai and pup (puppet) (pup is shorter and they match with 3 letters lmao). Like, Pup just gets into the shadow world??? for no reason??? And they don't even look like a shadow at all? Why is bro still the same, what were they doing there, how did he get there? are they a shadow or not or a secret third thing?? what is going on, someone help. We also thought it'd be fun to make them opposites to fred and freddy. So if those guys are 2 people in 1 body, then Mai and pup are 1 person in 2 bodies (not really) ((kinda?))

Like,,,,what in the world is up with jitter doll?? if you read the lyrics none of it really? makes any sense? it has a bunch of machine imagery and language that doesn't really serve any purpose? Lyrics go on and on about the singer (pup) being sort of a machine, cables and malfunctions and unable to love, and he's also weirdly chill about it ??? Like hes over there saying "I feel like I'm going to blow up and they'll get rid of my body. They'll kill my foul heart" and smiling??? Like incredibly chill about it?? So we smashed our heads trying to give the twins something cool and also make ANY HEADS OR TAILS out of jitter doll.

So.  Machine stuff. Shadows. Something something. Here's what we have right now and what will maybe probably change: Shadows are sort of souls leftovers.

Souls (for now) Have limits? They hold feelings and thoughts and stuff, but when something is too much to handle or when you forget something inconsequential or when you cry or laugh or yell and get rid of excess emotion, that doesn't just disappear. It kinda groups together and becomes a weird invisible thing laying motionless in a corner.

"How do you end up with a shadow?" You are,,,, fundamentally empty. The shadows just by innersia look for some sort of host or vessel or whatever. If your soul has enough space (you don't really feel much or do much or whatever, fundamentally empty) Then they get in there, which doesn't really happen often?? Because most people aren't just empty lmao, sorry Freddy.

Once there the body does some fuckery unconsciously and realizes there are 2 people in here and separates both souls and whatever, like i said, work in progress magic systems are hard and they are killing us. But yeah it doesn't happen often,,, but there is another way shadows start existing,,,,,,,,,,,, and it's by the love put into a craft.

So when you do art, you put "your soul into it" right? Well, when you put passion into a project and pour your everything into it, and when that thing is still somewhat broken, they can take over it! So let's say, haunted painting? Yeah that's a shadow, that painting was made with love and care and yet it remained unfinished because the painter died. But here is where our entire thing will get weirder to explain: Video Games.

Passion project video games, and that good old trope of "The game becomes self aware" but forrealsies. Sometimes you take your silly game with you and it gets possesed?? It's somewhat normal in their society by now. Not fully normal? Like, they still get treated weirdly because "why is that video game character alive" or questioning if they are even alive, dehumanizing stuff and somewhat feared! The inherent human terror of "the creation betraying it's creator" and the "machine uprising" that already gets said in our world, is a lot worse when the machine ACTUALLY becomes sentient. But it tends to follow a certain pattern.

For no rhyme or reason, SOME copies of some games have characters gain conscience, the government in fear of the aforementioned "machine uprising" makes them a body that's as human as possible to keep them from lashing out (whatever that means), they pass off as humans. There are 2 exceptions to this, Pup (the one you care about) and Red (oc)((who invited her))

This isn’t about Red so I’ll refrain from explaining them beyond “didn’t take over a character but over a bunch of glitches”. Pup Didn't take over a game at all! 

Mai and pup are based on the puppet from fnaf right? There's another puppet in fnaf called "security puppet" which we were like "haha their mom" and it snowballed. To have that puppet that was in charge of looking after children, associating the fnaf puppets with tears (tear marks), and the immediate neuron activation of the hit song "its been too long" I was like "she's super protective of her child" and the reason for that protectiveness was insanely warranted.

To put simply, marinette (mai's legal name) ((the og child)) was just sick. Always, forever, just incredibly sick and frail and it hurts to look at because damn that little girl should be jumping on trees and not just in pain at the hospital. Her mom cried over her a lot. All that was on that girl's soul was mostly pain, sorrow, sadness, all of that stuff.

One day! her body had enough!!! and wanted to literally die! It didn't! however, to save "her" her soul sort of split into two and got rid of what was always overflowing (negativity), the puppet has this entire thing of “giving gifts and giving life”, a second chance to live and a gift to be able to not be sick anymore. And so, parts of shadows and parts of her actual soul mixed and mixed and left her just fundamentally wrong. And the phone that she had to call her mom in case of emergencies (or if she felt bad at all) was pretty bare bones and somewhat broken (old), and it only really served as a way to call, it had no games or apps or anything except for some photos of Marinette. Jumpscare, the photo is now alive. 

Anyways Pup gets a body, and first of all that just creeps the hell out of their mom, obviously. New thing just starts existing and looks identical to your child, talks like her but without any real emotion behind it? Her husband left her over keeping Pup because they never really agreed to have TWO children and it was enough with ONE thing that just went in and out of the hospital and burnt money. And yet her child was healthy again after it, and they looked identical, and it’s hard to hold a grudge against someone who has the face of the person you love the most, and it’s also hard to look them in the eyes.

Pup's mom loves him, for sure, she was definitely relieved when he came out as trans and was way more visibly unlike Mai. She couldn't just leave a child that looked just like hers to fend for their luck in another place. It's complicated, with good reason, that woman is stronger than I could ever be.

Pup and Mai both ended up messed up, because that was never meant to happen and because souls and shadows aren’t meant to mix and they lost stuff on the way of splitting (sort of spilled out?) So they both lack a lot of stuff, and also are insanely dependent on each other to function (one in the same).

Mai is overbearing, just by nature, she can’t feel sadness and she can’t feel most of anything that isn’t happiness, she’s impulsive and easily distracted, she can’t read people feeling bad and she can’t give any other insight than “just get over with it and focus on the good ^^” (inspired by her advice in al reves) because she can’t really do anything aside from that. Every bad thing they have felt either registers as somewhat inconsequential or doesn’t really feel like actual sadness, it’s just an excess of energy that makes them angsty and hyper and stuff. Mai also cannot taste stuff, and also does not feel temperature at all, pup does that for her. Both of them are unable to really feel fear, awesome for them (it’s not).

Pup is sort of nothing, they are not empty but sort of insanely muffled, he feels strongly for nothing and doesn’t have any passions or any desires or any anything, he also cannot feel pain, Mai feels it for him. Calling back to Jitter doll, his chill nature to absolutely deranged stuff and the machine language and fred “having something he could never have” is explained that way. He doesn’t fear stuff, he isn’t angry at stuff, he cannot love people, or not in the way that most or any people describe love at all. He doesn’t understand feelings and he doesn’t understand people and he doesn’t understand himself. And he searches for some sort of answer to what they hell they are. Because both of them are aware they were the same person, both of them are aware that they aren’t anymore, and both of them are aware they don’t really function how people should. 

You might have seen that we draw them with eyepatches (or have started to do that) ((new lore called for new designs lmao)), and that is the greatest indicator of them being connected in a weird way. Marinette had a birthmark on her eye, Mai (as the original body) has it on her covered eye and Pup has it mirrored because haha the photo was mirrored. The eye with the birthmark is actually the eye of the other twin, and when they don’t have it covered they just share thoughts, which obviously gives them both a massive headache, which is why they cover it. "wasn't pup unable to feel pain?" fun fact! headaches are not really actual pain (for the most part), they are pressure and tenderness in the scalp and stuff like that! So they are not free from headaches lmao

Pup wants to feel fulfilled, like an actual whole person, and he has no clue how to achieve that in the slightest. But because they perceive what happened to them as supernatural (how else do you describe that) they both went into ghosts and stuff like that. 

They both walk around and try and find ghosts and ask them stuff, they ask people stuff about local legends and local hauntings to try and get some lead on what they are and how (or even if) they can fix themselves. Pup reads a lot more than Mai and is a bit more obsessive with understanding what is up with them. Because while Mai is also messed up, she at least is still regarded as the child they both were, their mom looks at her in the eyes. Hence my little drawing of him with a bunch of books and torn apart pages. In the stories they’ve seen ghost take over lives (took over marinette’s face), they are uncaring (like pup), and a daughter WAS lost, neither of them are Marinette anymore. 

Pup, by feeling all muddled and devoid of most feelings at all, is still attached to the idea that they could become one again, while Mai, who is unable to be anything but positive, is certain they are different people now and forever. Pup is also attached to not seeing himself as alive (?), as a program (what ppl like him r called) and being technically artificial he thinks of himself as a robot, as something lacking that human spark, hence the entire robot thing in jitter doll, they use that as a way to sort of cope with how wrong they are because otherwise it really just sets in that they are simply unfixable. A robot or a ghost or an android or some spirit, whatever you want, except an actual alive person. 

Also calling back to them both just sort of appearing in Fred and Freddy’s mind in the show and all the weird meddling they do with them both. Like how pup is implied to remember meeting fred in the shadow realm thing cause he says “haha this feels familiar” when freddy asks for their name, or like mai saying “it's easier to notice someone's absence when they are always beside you ^^” and stuff like that. They have some dream insanity at camp.

Camp to us us is the end of the world and an insanely important event, due to close proximity all the people related to shadows sort of start sharing dreams, which is nice for no one, and which definitely sparks those two to be insanely invasive in hopes of discovering something new in their mad chase for any answer at all, Rip Freddy and Fred I’m sorry they are like that (inspired by them being voted as enemies in the series, at least according to the subtitles, i think she says friendemies but that also works irregardless) 

They are just not really good friends to most people, and even worse to Fred and Freddy. They sort of see Fred like a thing, like something they can get answers out of and something they can learn from, they dehumanize him a tad and it’s not done with actual bad intention, they aren’t trying to be bad people or anything, but then again they are just fundamentally wrong, and the absolute worst at feelings. Pup in general already dehumanizes himself so what’s the damage of doing it to someone else?? 

They also make Freddy feel unwanted, they treat him as a gateway to see Fred, and that messes with Freddy because everyone always asks for Fred, like, people like Fred more than him, and he’s just the means to get that. 

HGHGHGHGHG ANyways if anyone got here thank you so much, sorry this is so long and if it answers nothing, like we said, magic system is killing us. However I love them both too much to not draw them even without a set magic system so i couldnt hold back from drawing them </3

Last thing: Did you guys know mai and pup's songs respectively start at the same time in their episodes???????? That's so creepy why would they do that??? t2e7 6:56, then t2e8 6:56. What.

But yeah to anyone or everyone who was curious thank you so so so so much for showing interest :D And I'm very sorry if our answer is not that sufficient lmao, <3 <3 <3

[mistyfarm]

My wishlist & ideas for a hypothetical Rune Factory 2 Special:

- Option to choose between a male or female protagonist in first generation. FEMC’s name can be something lame like Kylie or Kyla or Kira idk LMAO

- All the rivals will therefore become bachelors! Yayyy the barrett girls will finally win

- The non-chosen protagonist will show up in the game as an NPC (think, like, pokemon.) They will stay at the Eagle Inn, their gimmick being some sort of mysterious, wandering vagrant who gives the player the ability to change their name (Basically a combination of Lukas and Ivan from RF1, and Mistress Trupin from RF4.) They are non-marriageable but, if befriended, the player can get a few hints about their past.

- ALTERNATIVELY: They could be the bartender of a hypothetical bar in town? Multiple characters in game are referred to as drinking buddies and there’s a whole event (the flower festival) that’s seen as an opportunity for people to get drunk, so it honestly kind of confused me there was no bar in Alvarna. I know these are E10+ games but honestly if RF1 had a bar there’s no reason RF2 can’t have one as well lol. It could be like the bar in stardew valley too! have everyone gather there on friday nights for easy gift-giving access, it’s perfect

- Additionally, if Kyle is the non-chosen protagonist, he will marry a bachelorette if her intended husband is already married to the player.

- Not really sure how rival heart events would function in RF2’s system but fuck it, any candidate with a rival will have heart events with said rival. For the drama

- We don’t need to lock EVERYTHING behind the second gen wall. At least let us forge weapons or brew medicine in the first gen. Maybe have these be something that the player can unlock if they befriend tanya or natalie? I always make kyle befriend those two so maybe I’m biased LOL

- Alternatively: give the gen 1 player access to a small kitchen, at the very least. Herman is nearly impossible to befriend in the first generation because all of his gifts are cooked dishes and it sucks because if you are ME (insane) you try to befriend everyone in every single playthrough

- Updated gen 2 portraits for most, if not all, of the cast. It’s understandable if older characters like Byron or Gordon look relatively unchanged after the timeskip, but the younger characters should have updated portraits! I think it would be cute if Dorothy’s portrait changed to show her eyes since she’s now a confident nurse, or if Mana and Barrett dressed differently after becoming teachers, or if Roy and Cammy had visibly grown into their awkward teen years. There’s possibilities!!

- Have more characters acknowledge your child as their relative if you marry a member of their family. It’s very cute that Max acknowledges this but I want all characters to express it because its very fun for character building

- I think it should be harder for your child to access the dungeons in the 2nd gen. every character is like “dont go into the dungeons!!!” and then you can just turn around and walk in. i want aaron and aria to do some solid snake shit to get into these dungeons. i need to see cardboard boxes. sunglasses and trenchcoats. perhaps even false identities. lets get silly with it (i fully acknowledge this would be a terrible design decision) (i dont care)

- remove the marriage events from the second generation, they feel so arbitrary compared to gen 1! The themes of second gen are family ties and the solidarity the kids build with each other, so i think friendship and story events should be prioritized instead

- Bring social services to Alvarna because honestly your child is so neglected by both of their parents its tragic (this is a joke) (kind of)

[kijosakka]

got possessed and decided i must make a post about noahs character arc in dramaturgy Immediately

ok,, so the gist is friends. this is the Give Noah Friends Arc. he starts with no friends and then he gets some.

and he also gets some character flaws. for fun. dont worry he grows he develops,, umm so noah [in this AU] as a Character is very deeply rooted in two things: his defense/coping mechanisms, and his background in the industry.

to cover: his defense/coping mechanisms. they are. Bad. his primary defense throughout the show is his nonsubstance itself — but beyond that, the way he intentionally makes himself unpalatable. he makes jokes and seemingly mean-spirited quips at peoples expense and that would be innocuous if it wasnt all he was. but he very intentionally doesnt have character beyond that.

its like advanced self isolation (and regular self isolation when he refuses to interact with anyone after he gets eliminated and generally when hes off camera). additionally (to bring in themes from my original two posts) he creates a severe disconnect between noah The Person and noah The Character and it seeps through to his perception of his castmates as well.

^ this ties back into his Industry past, which,,, kinda fucked him up?? its not like its a normal developmental setting and it shows when hes being noah The Person. he doesnt really know who he is in normal settings; hes so firm in his identity within the industry and his role in it, but in Real Life, Teenage settings? clueless. has no idea what hes doing.

his severe disconnect of person and character also affects the way he sets boundaries, which is to say, hes really fucking bad at it. entertainment industries are Sketchy As Hell, and he kept his head afloat by navigating the system and working within it, but never learned to set clear-cut, do-not-cross boundaries in his relationships as a result (smth smth setting those limits were ‘taboo’ within the industry and could limit the work you got or how many people were willing to reach out)

< tacking onto that parentheses thing, hes also wildly unfamiliar with non-transactional relationships (in this way, him and alejandro are very similar). hes grown up seeing these people around him play nice for the strict purpose of give-and-take and has very few examples for things that are not that. he constantly struggles with understanding that he doesnt have to ‘repay’ things or ‘give’ something to be treated fairly.

(also smth to be said about his ‘keep everyone away’ thing where he silently thinks that even beyond the cameras if he tried to form relationships on the show he would be treated poorly/‘trampled on’ because his nonsubstance wouldnt allow him to ‘give back’ in a way that would make those people see him as worth treating fairly.

his castmates are effectively part of the industry now, why wouldnt they treat him like hes always been taught the people in the industry would?)

^ and again, it seeps through to his perceptions. to things like the love triangle, or sierras obsessive behavior towards cody; noah has trouble understanding why people like courtney would be distraught at it, because to him he can only see it in a transactional light (amplified by it being an on-camera relationship eventually turned plot point). similarly, it takes him A While to properly understand codys distress because to him it seems like sierras giving and he should just ‘return something’ to make them even (not really hitting him that he cant ‘return’ feelings like that).

which brings be further into his overarching Arc. you know, the character one. kicked off initially by wanting to unmask alejandro as a patent fake, he gets his development in other areas too --- like finally getting some real-world experiences with kids his age instead of studio execs three decades his seniors.

it gives him proper, real point of reference as to what matters to his peers beyond a clinical sense and observation --- in short, he learns to better understand the castmates around him beyond what the industry exploits them for, and in doing so he develops past his initial stunted-ness.

< and that in turn helps him learn past his slightly (very) fucked up headspace and perception that his childhood environment created.

(and to slot in now, noahs character in the AU is perfect for consistent themes of internal conflict. how he initially builds up relationships, conflict. struggling on whether to keep the act or expose alejandro, conflict. being hyperaware of both the audience and cast perceptions of him, conflict. realizing his battle has become two-sided and alejandro and thus the cast/audience is catching glimpses of his Person, conflict. realizing hes in too deep and now the plot itself demands him from a meta-ish standpoint, conflict. just conflicts all around for this guy.)

now there is the whole... being a person on camera thing. which is in essence what the entire AU and story arc thereof is centered around: noah learns that he can Be a Person and drop the overly sterile self-regulation sometimes. im,, slightly torn on how exactly to cement this kind of shift in behavior,,

< as it makes sense in my head, noah would be more willing to relent his vice-grip on his facade for the sake of achieving his goal (being expose alejandro outright/at least see whats underneath). so therefore, for the story to progress, there would have to be those opportunities, and for it to make sense those opportunities would have to increase as the plot goes on (and, ofc, inline with alejandros own relent on his mask for the sake of going back and forth in some weird bid for who can expose the other and still keep up their own facade)

^ this is kindof what ive 'settled on' to build up the rest of the AU events on (i will have to find some way to slot in those opportunities proper uuuughghgggh) but yet again if Anyone has Any thoughts at all,, hand them over pretty pls pspspspspspsp

[autisticbisexualemaskye]

OH also as u can tell i finished mythic quest. season three was... dissapointing. brad and his gaggle of autistic women were great as always and Sarian was an AMAZING episode, 10/10, no notes, but the season overall? ian was MIA and poppy just... didnt really work without him. dont get me wrong i love her and she has great dynamics with the rest of the cast but overall grimpop was a HUGE missed opportunity and making dana ian 2.0 was a poor choice. dont get me wrong, i was rooting for them to team up in season two, but thats because i thought ian could give her what she wanted, not because shes identical to ian. shes certainly not so up her own ass that she thinks "confidence" and "total disconnect from reality" are the same thing. ian? definitely. rachel? unconsciously. but dana? no fucking way. she never felt like she had a unique place in the grimpop team. minimizing the scenes with her and rachel i would have actually loved to see if it helped give both of them more depth and solo development since their romantic relationship was built up as their main character arcs from the start, but dana just took away from ian and poppy's dynamic and didnt get any development of her own until basically the very end.

now, dont get me wrong, AGAIN, it makes a lot of sense that ian doesnt want to work on poppy's game. hes egotistical and unmotivated and childish and self centred. but they seriously waited until the season fucking finale to work that out? a conflict between the two main characters that has one of them just... absent from the narrative? conflict is the core of poppy and ians relationship but if they don't have any scenes together the conflict becomes BORING. and they had the perfect opportunity to work it out! when hera failed. when the playtesters told her it was technically perfect, but not fun to play. ian makes fun games. ian is really good at making fun games. theyre supposed to be partners. why couldnt he have helped her with this? why couldnt this have been the moment where she realizes that, just like ian, she needs help creating her vision? that even though she can build things and have big ideas, she cant do everything all on her own all the time? instead she and dana throw her vision away to focus on a project she hates and thinks is bad. its total fucking bullshit and a complete waste of an arc.

which, as a side note, i still dont totally understand the difference between hera and playpen. theyre both sandbox games, yes? where the point is to build something yourself, entirely from scratch? so what makes playpen fun and hera not? is playpen more customisable, is it easier to control? is hera too difficult, is it not difficult enough, is it too bare or too micromanaged? this feels like something we couldve gone into instead of just tossing hera out. there are tons of games like that out there already. minecraft, the sims (all FOUR installments, plus simcity), cites:skylines, roblox, all of them extremely popular and extremely fun. why not hera? again, a question the narrative gets out of answering by throwing the game out.

and FINALLY when the grimpop dispute does get solved, their solution is "you be who you are, and ill be who i am, and neither of us changes or improves or alters our dynamic in any way"? what a FUCKING cop out. the previous seasons, so far, have ended with poppy and ian trying to mend their dynamic into something more stable and mutually beneficial, where both people (poppy, mainly, but having it be her game this time SHOULD have been an interesting subversion) feel seen and heard, where neither of them feels subservient. you want to watch the next season to see how they develop and how their dynamic shifts. but in the season 3 finale they just straight up tell you, in the show, that they're done trying to change, and then they abandon their partnership and go back to work at mythic quest. season 3 was such a wasted season in terms of the grimpop dynamic, and neither of them develop any kind of compelling relationship with the other characters either. the closest we get is dana, who, again, is turned into ian 2.0 because apparently they couldnt develop her existing character any further or use the actual ian grimm in any of her scenes with poppy. again, dana and ian have similarities, but shes not ian! and she shouldnt have had to be!

ok. rant done. if u disagree u may write me a strongly worded essay in the comments or we could just have a conversation okie dokie i love u ^_^

[narconfessions]

Not dark per se, but definitely a NPD confession that I dont feel I can share elsewhere.

I actually Do want to collect "oppression points." I like being part of marginalized groups because it makes me feel special and being the victim in situations makes brain go brr. I dont go so far as faking things to feel oppressed, but I do take pleasure in being plural/disabled/queer/trans/cluster B/autistic/a trauma survivor/etc (which I am) partly because I like feeling special.

(Disclaimer this is not to say that discrimination and hatred based on these things does not affect me negatively. I do experience and struggle with ableism and queerphobia and other things.)

i can't believe my eyes because i genuinely thought no one else felt this way and im so relieved to know im not the only one. this is tough with my severe impulsivity too because sometimes i impulsively come out in situations where i KNOW i'm not safe just because i impulsively want attention and sympathy.

i think the problem with the whole thing surrounding "oppression points" is that most often, it's just a term pulled out by marginalized people who have fallen into the trap of respectability politics, to describe people who don't fit their worldview. for example, autistic people who i've seen shit on autigender people because "IM autistic and IIIII understand gender so why can't you". and just look at the endless cycle of exclusionism within the queer community. it's always that we "just want oppression points to be special" but the whole problem in the first place is that we've made oppression out to be something special in the first place! the online world has placed a hierarchy on who is coolest and most valuable based on how many marginalized identities they have. we've created this idea that being marginalized is "cool". sure, it can be a big part of your identity but i've met so many people online who genuinely believed they were cooler and more interesting than cishets just by virtue of having a different gender modality or sexuality and i've also met so so many cishets and guys whose mental health has genuinely plummetted because they think they are not cool because they have no or very few marginalized identities and it's like. being gay or trans or nd or disabled IS cool, but it's not what MAKES YOU COOL! no one is inherently better than anyone else based on unchangeable aspects of their identity because your morality is based on what you choose and how you act, not just who you are. i'm not saying "aw boohoo white cishets are so oppressed" because that's bullshit, but i do think it's ridiculous how much we've turned marginalization into a competition of cool points. you can have as much pride in your marginalized identity as you want but you are not morally better just by virtue of being an Oppressed Person. so that's why this whole "oppression points" thing has taken off and instead of criticizing the hierarchy of oppression-based worth and value that's contributed to it, people just blame other marginalized people for being the "wrong" kind of queer or nd. there's nothing wrong with liking having multiple marginalizations and enjoying the attention from it, it's just when it becomes, like you said, something that people take as paradigm for peoples value or "coolness" and fake stuff because they think it'll make them cooler, when it's a problem like babe no! you are not a boring person just cuz you're cis or straight or nt or abled or white or whatever you have a personality and a life and a value. if people realized that they had value outside of societal checklists and boxes, then people making fun of other marginalized people for being supposed "fakers wanting oppression points" will die down. (none of this is said to invalidate you it's just my take on the nuance of the whole 'oppression points' thing.)

[hazbinhotelconfessions]

i feel like people getting aggressive over alastor being ace are just the new generation version of ship wars. "i dont like the thing youre depicting with that fictional character, what can i do to make it stop?" the only difference is that now instead of blatant hatefulness, the ship war mindset is dressed up in a veil of virtue signaling righteousness. fandom isnt an ethical obligation to representation and diversity. instead of getting mad that people want to fuck the tumblr sexyman character from a cartoon, people should maybe get mad about the real-life ways that actual aro/ace people experience discrimination. visit your local queer community and speak out against ace inclusionism, vote against or spread awareness about alloistic legislation in your country. alastor isn't real. these issues are.

Yeah I mostly agree, I think that any energy spent towards trying to stop or censor people having fun in fandom spaces is wasted energy, both because it exposes you to content that might make you feel bad and because it’s totally useless. Just block people who you don’t vibe with and have fun!! Me personally, reading alastor shipping fics has led me to discover my own place somewhere on the aroace spectrum, so I guess I’m positively biased towards them haha (but even if this wasn’t the case- they’re fun!!)

At the same time I understand the need to rant about how something might make you feel like your identity isn’t important, such as the encounters people have talked about on here, so I’m happy that my asks can be a place for that. This is a place for voicing everything and anything after all!

[nepepperoni]

dirkjake just is nooooot possible and seeing like cutey feel good dirkjake makes me laugh its like the buzzfeed of homestuck. and more specifically if dirk is the only transgender one like listen. if jake tried to put his face in dirks boobs dirk would probably black out and wake up in a pool of blood. with dirks self policing and identity issues... okay all im saying is hes like one of the first fictional characters i'd think of if someone asked me to name a character most likely to be a transmedicalist/truscum.

anyway they cant work like some people literally cant make it work and theyre not people anyway theyre characters you have to mold them into unrecognizable creatures to reach that ik*maru art endgoal like thats not dirk and jake anymore thats Voltron Legendary Defenders Season 10 or wgatever the fuck. i get it tho we are in a posthomestuck world homestuck posting is done with a weariness and a nostalgia tint to it so its like yea! a ship for 13 year olds who dont understand nuance! i remember that fondly! you shouldnt. you shouldve been hating them with me and my friends on amino. because they all have a forever open invite to the spare bedroom in my home and you dont. instead you post 2 panel comics that have the character depth, understanding, & dramatic tone shift of 2006 direct to video sequel the fox and the hound 2, okay?

try reflecting on what it is that makes james camerons avatar a shallow movie next time you make fun of jake for liking it

[jazzmckay]

i finally finished the fallout show, so here are my thoughts. i will talk about both things i enjoyed and things i didn't enjoy. be aware that i'm one of Those west coast fallout fans so this will be bethesda-critical, although it's never my goal to be a hater or make fans of bethesda games feel bad for enjoying them.

spoilers for not only the show, but most fallout games ive played, which includes: fallout, fallout 2, fallout 3, and fallout: new vegas

lets start with the positive!

things i enjoyed:

the aesthetics: it just plain looks good. it matches the games pretty accurately, it brought the world of fallout to this new medium very well. visually, it definitely looks like fallout, and i thought it had some nice cinematography and shot framing. i like that it was never too dark to see what was going on, i like that it was fairly vibrant even with the unavoidable Brown Wasteland, Metal Grey Vault palettes. the costumes were great. i liked how the people looked realistic for the world they're living in. i would have liked cooper to be more standard ghouly, but after having seen the full show, i'm fine with it. the ghouls have a lot of range, physically, and it does make sense for cooper to be more human-like because he's actively preserving himself, and probably did so pre-war as well. all in all it was visually great

the main characters: lucy is a fantastic main character. i love how shaped she is from living in vault 33 specifically, with her moral compass, view of the world, social uniqueness, and relationship with sex. i adore that she's such a positive person, always wanting to see the best in others and make the best of any situation, but that doesn't mean she can't get hurt and angry, can't fight when she has to. she's fun and badass, i really like her. maximus is just as complex, shaped by the brotherhood instead of the vault--again, moral compass, view of the world etc all coloured by where he's spent most of his life, just in a different way from lucy. more grey, more skewed, more manipulated, in my opinion, even though of course vault 33 was quite manipulated as well. his struggle with identity is awesome. i like how both of them are a little weird, a little socially unhinged, and majorly biased about the world. i enjoyed maximus' struggle and journey with coming into his own. i'll be eager to see that continue in s2. cooper took me almost the ENTIRE season to warm up to. at first he was the kind of character i found interesting, but difficult to like. right from the start, you know he wasn't always like this, and 200 years in the wasteland has understandably changed him, but i was still very "fuck this guy, hes a prick and he annoys me" for most of the show. the final episode finally tipped me over onto the "okay yeah im properly into this character now" side. he's definitely layered, just takes a bit to see more than the outer one that makes him just look like... a major piece of shit. i love a dark character as much as the next guy, but i prefer if it Makes Sense, and i didn't fully get him until the last ep. eager to see how he develops going forward as well. don't have a lot to say about norm, i just really like him. hell yeah fuck shit up, little bro

the side characters: betty and stephanie fascinate me, especially after learning who they really are. moldaver is SO COOL and a milf for real oh my god i'm a little obsessed. thaddeus surprised me with his depth. ma june was really cool and felt sort of quintessential fallout to me. even just the one-off people of the wasteland were really interesting to me. they were real people with a place in this world, no matter how small. (you'll notice i havent mentioned dane, even though being nb myself, a nb character should be a big deal to me. well. i still dont entirely know how i feel about dane, unfortunately)

the vault lore: from start to finish, i was HOOKED on everything to do with the vaults. the concept of 3 vaults being connected and able to trade with each other when necessary was interesting. i liked the concept of vault 33 and how it gave the characters a different culture about relationships and sex. then i enjoyed the suspense of the lie unravelling, of following norm's arc of defying what he'd been raised with to figure everything out. it was very tense and mysterious.

vault lore part 2: historically, i've not been a fan of pre-war society actually being shown. didn't like that they did that in fo4, though part of that could be that i just massively dislike the choices they made for it, including how it locked the player too much into an unchangeable (heterosexual) backstory. i guess i'm not fully against the pre-bomb time being shown as long as it's lore-friendly, and i'm pleasantly surprised that the show was pretty lore-friendly indeed. not entirely. i have some major gripes that i will get into later, but i liked the tension and intrigue of the big corporations doing their gross capitalism shit, and cooper finding out just how fucked up they are. the idea of the vault ownership being split up between different companies and therefore different ideals so "the best ideas of how to continue civilization can win" was interesting! i think it's more grounded to say that most vaults were trying to make something viable for the future, not just fucked up experiments for the sake of it, but the ideas were extreme and many doomed to failure. i wouldn't even say this is a retconn, a lot of the vaults, even the ones that got really messed up, can be viewed as an attempt at making something good, just with amoral methods

how the brotherhood was portrayed: FINALLY bethesda has written the brotherhood in a way more reflective of what they're supposed to be. the brotherhood are not the ultimate heroic knights in shining armour. they're not just a grandstanding military faction. caveat that i don't know the fo4 brotherhood personally, but fo3!brotherhood was so incomprehensible. in fo1, the brotherhood is reclusive and focused on technological / scientific information. they are a force to be reckoned with when convinced to take good action, but they're on the insular side. in fo2, they're a destroyed shadow of what they were, with barely any presence. in fnv they're even more reclusive, entirely xenophobic to anyone outside of the brotherhood and further stuck in their ways. you can help them improve, but there are cult vibes. and the show? i am impressed by how they focused on those cult vibes! the brotherhood doesn't have to be 100% the same every time when there's a lot of geography between chapters and different points in the last 200 have different needs, different goals and enemies, but the brotherhood should, imo, always be a grey area. when lucy asked "this is good right, the brotherhood are the good guys?" and maximus and thaddeus were like....... eh... it's. a complicated organization. THATS THE REAL SHIT. complex. a bit uncomfortable because they're reclusive and teach their people biased ideas of the wasteland. an ideology that makes sense in-verse, but isn't a simple dichotomy of good or bad. some parts of it were uncomfortable for me in a "well thats an odd writing choice" but most of it was uncomfortable in the way the brotherhood is SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable, and i am here for that

the scene where maximus comes clean to lucy and she accepts him, because she's learned how complicated the surface world is, and she has been travelling with him enough to see who he really is

the fnv theme cue when the ncr flag was shown. got me emotional fr

lucy is down to fuck and i LOVE that for her. it's great to see a female main character be so into sex without it being for any reason other than... she thinks sex is good and fun

the lucy/maximus ship. im officially on team "people who say its boring and lacking in chemistry might be not giving the black character the consideration he deserves because of internalized racism" sorry

i can ALSO get behind the lucy/cooper ship, after the last episode. it feels like theyre on somewhat even ground now. i can go for a begrudging allies pair. they should have rough, angry sex and remind each other it doesn't mean anything after and then they both go and pine and/or brood about the people they wish they were with, or wish they were with but in a happier story

the music in general

cx404 my beloved <3

things i did not enjoy:

the biggest issue is, of course, the way the show completely fucked with and/or retconned fallout: new vegas. in my opinion, it was very disrespectful, to the point where it's hard to see it as anything but maliciously intentional for mr. todd 'liar' howard to literally nuke the center of west coast fallout's world. it feels scummy. it feels tone deaf. it feels like a kid stomping on another kids sand castle at the beach because all they understand is destruction and coming out on top. and it also makes NO sense. the show says shady sands was bombed in 2277, which is the year of the first battle of hoover dam, and 4 years before the start of fnv. it renders everything in fnv void. the thing is that shady sands is just one small part of the ncr--in fo1, its a small farming village just getting started and a couple generations later in fo2, it isnt even recognizable as shady sands anymore, its just. The New California Republic. it's huge! it's sprawling! bombing a single city wouldn't have wiped out the ncr--and even the show acknowledges this with vault 4 and moldaver's people--but it's still too significant a calamity that fnv could have happened the way it did proceeding it. you can't just add an event like this and think it'll work when no one in fnv mentions it, when it can't retroactively impact the ncr's future that is already shown. and even though the show does allow that remnants of the ncr have survived, they didn't do it in the way that makes sense, in my opinion. what would make sense is having an entire nation losing its capitol, but the rest being able to continue on. it doesnt make sense for them to become what they did in the show, nor having it be a non-issue during fnv. the ncr could not have had a continued presence in the mojave if that nuke really happened. ive seen pieces of articles and such about how they were careful to follow the timeline and "dont worry, fnv still happened!" but.... they most certainly did not follow the timeline, and what they did utterly fucks up fnv's narrative

the answering of the question "who fired the first bomb". while i enjoyed the backstory, i did not enjoy this question being answered. the point of fallout is not who was right and who was wrong. the point isnt about there being a good side, a bad side, a justification for anything. the point is that nuclear bombs are horrific and what happened to the world is the ultimate tragedy. and it's about communities still being able to rise from the ashes and make something real. it's about people being able to survive and thrive. yes, conflict persists, but the world has not ended, and in west coast fallout, entire cities have grown up from nothing to take on a way of life all on their own, different from the pre-war days, but no longer weighed down by the tragedy, either. east coast fallout is post-apocalypse. west coast fallout is post-post-apocalypse. it's supposed to be post-post-apocalypse, and who dropped the bombs does not matter. the point is that war never changes--but people do. the old world is gone, what happened happened, and society has to move on. answering the question of who dropped the bombs serves no narrative purpose

and if america dropped the bombs on themselves--what does that mean for the rest of the world? of course, we have never known if the rest of the world is still out there continuing as normal, but making the bombs in america an inside job has new implications for china's part in everything. i do wonder if the shift away from the american-chinese conflict is a sensitivity issue. i'm not knowledgeable enough on the topic to speak on it further

robert house's potential/likely character assassination: the best way i could possibly read it is that house was being reticent about his true feelings because it wouldn't have been very tactful to oppose an entire room of capitalism moguls. but his part in planning the bombs is, if taken at face value, utterly opposed to his actual goals as stated in fnv. i want to believe he was just flying under the radar to get information. but it either doesnt make sense, or we dont have the full story yet, because house's intentions were to save new vegas from the bombs, and he wasn't able to save the entire area, which he should have been able to do if in the know, and he also would have been able to get the platinum chip on a better timeline if he was in the know. i'm trying to reserve judgement in case they elaborate on him in s2, but s1!house is.... not fnv!house

needed more pre-existing rad creatures. i'm guessing the bear was supposed to be a yao guai even though they didn't name it, but the gulper was new, and i wouldve liked to see geckos, maybe nightstalkers or cazadors if possible, just... anything properly reminiscent of west coast fallout. based on the final scenes, i'd like to think we'll see deathclaws in s2. please.

sometimes there were bouts of confusing / weird writing. episode 6 in particular had me a bit "what the fuck is going on and why are certain characters acting like this????". the scene where maximus reveals himself to thaddeus was also lackluster in my opinion. i think it should have been drawn out at least a bit. maximus trying to explain, thaddeus being conflicted--not just an immediate flip. it's hard to believe maximus would injure thaddeus THAT badly without trying something else first. whiplash for real. maximus was a little weird in vault 4 and i genuinely don't know what vibe they were going for. at first i thought he'd been drugged and the people there were going to experiment on him. (also how did cooper NOT SEE the "test subjects" over the door when he was doing the vault-tec ad? i dont remember if the name plate was shown in the commercial itself but i sure hope not or, uhhh... people would have known something bad was up). it was just a bit ??? for me, that whole damn episode. what was with the ncr remnants acting Like That? i don't get it and it was never addressed again? am i just supposed to believe that a couple decades or whatever separated from the ncr society has turned them into a cult? what association do they even have with moldaver anymore? its all so weird and unexplained. and if moldaver opposed vault-tec, how did she end up in cryo with them? i guess she didn't actively walk away from it? maybe im missing something here

on that note, the portrayal of the ncr: moldaver and her people end up being ncr but they were played the whole time like raiders. only for the end of the show to have moldaver's settlement be totally normal people just living their lives. what the hell? and the vault 4 people, again, were unsettling and confusing, i don't understand what i'm supposed to take away from this. i suppose the point is that time has changed both groups, and moldaver's been pushed to extremes, but the framing was just.... weird and iffy for me. it's a far cry from the ncr i'm used to

final thoughts:

i did overall enjoy the show, but i suppose, as they say about games like fo4, "it was a good show, but it wasn't a good fallout show". i was pleasantly surprised in a lot of ways, but the fact remains that bethesda misses, or disregards, the whole point of fallout. often they go directly against the original message of fallout. most modern fallout just isn't what it was when it started or what it is when created by people who were there at the beginning. it's painful being a west coast fan specifically, sometimes, because todd is always finding new ways to massacre my boy. but if i pretend this isn't canon and that it has no bearing on one of my favourite games, if i look at it just as it is instead of something that hinges with a bunch of other stories... it was surprisingly enjoyable. i just have to turn off the part of my brain that wants to fight mr howard in the dennys parking lot at 4am

[homophyte]

okay im going to be vulnerable and admit though ive owned house of leaves for a few months i was spurred to start reading it the other day after watching that video on myhouse.wad . no one make fun of me. that being said.

im not necessarily going though it super in depth and more just trying to unravel some stuff for funsies with some various help from old forums and what strikes me as sometimes glaringly missing from discussions on the book is the way it relates to women. like the fact that the house itself is treated as though it has a female identity will get talked about but theres not rlly discussions about the ramifications of that--how will and holloways posturing--named as explicitly about 'male dominance'--is essentially a fight over who gets to get the girl. wills early venture into the house is literally likened to karen kissing wax, like theyre BOTH infidelities, and thats not nearly the first time karen herself treats the situation like the house is her romantic rival or at least rival for wills attention (im not far enough in to have too solid a grasp on the implications of the name delial--but lets just say i have a suspicion?).

anyway whats maybe even more interesting than that is the way its kinda ALL about gender--its men who keep entering the house desperate to know what its about, its men driven to write about it and uncover its secret knowledge, and it drives them fucking crazy. like...you can read that--VERY EASILY--as men 'discovering' the ""hidden"" interiority of women, like, the very idea that women are complex people with their own ideas and emotions and inner worlds. the fact that the house has a secret inside is huge fucking news and just about every man in the novel reacts to it as such, but the reactions from women are like...not that. idk im not done with it by any means but the similarity between the conversations between karen & wax at the end ch VII and johnny & thumper at the end of VIII really apparent. when thumper is listening to johnny, seeking to understand him, being really invested and interested and not reacting with annoyance or disdain or boredom like he expects, it genuinely really knocks him out to the point he nearly cries--and then he bottles it up, writes it off, even when she echoes karens exact words flirting with wax he doesnt register it.

the text displays a consciousness around gendered expectations here, particularly bc thumper is a sex worker, that she cant be expected to intellectually engage w it, but she can and does...and then johnny doenst know what to DO about it, how to engage w a real moment of understanding between the sexes or whatever so he very consciously falls back on gender expectations for men and refuses to feel that connection, severing the tie he inadvertently built w her and consigning the moment to unknowable blackness. the void is invented by people determined to treat it as foreign--which often means treating it as hostile (holloways gun, johnnys suspicions when thumper didnt call him back).

that she ends with the comment 'you just need to get out of the house' is like...almost laughably on the nose especially w the way chauvanist culture has proliferated on the internet. like in the book too, dont get me wrong, its just so startlingly accurate to whats going on it seems like she really must UNDERSTAND in a way johnny fails to capture in his narration but still comes through due to her being kinda fucking great--sorry i REALLY like thumper in this actually she may be my favorite. its sort of difficult for me to look at the line and divorce it in my head from the phenomenon of the incel--read a certain way, you have johnny ranting and raving about how he just cant ever figure out what the collective 'woman' is thinking and all this time hes spent driving himself crazy about it, and thumper listening and understanding and very sympathetically and honestly saying 'that wouldnt be a big deal if you interacted w women instead of holing up inside trying to theorize about it.'

i dont necessarily think its a mistake that johnny is the kind of person he is, a partying womanizer or whatever, bc sex becomes his only interaction w women (his failure to talk abt the book w kyrie in favor or fucking her) just as entering the house becomes wills only interaction w it (or at least he rages when he cant have that interaction, he values it above others). the book is pretty clear about both of these acting as forms of penetration. as johnny gets more invested in the text he interacts more and more w the women zampano used as interpreters and comes more and more into contact w women and less and less able to deny their interiority.

the reaction from men that women are people is simple and plain disbelief, followed by disconnected, invasive, rigorous study, study that is likened to war, to surgery, to expedition--anything but understanding. its kind of baffling idk maybe im just not looking in the right place to see people talking about it but this sorta feels like...the point. hell even earlier in ch VII on page 91 you get will and holloway excitedly talking about calling the press about their huge discovery that no one will believe...and then just, karen, living her life, treated like an enigma. i literally have this written in my notes as "men discover women have internality; their wives decline to comment"

[lostandfem]

Hey I dont think jumping from a cult to another one will be helpful to you. You should check deeper into a more broad generalisation of life experiences instead of making your whole life about your gender again. Radical feminism isn't helpful because it doesn't take women accountable for the shit they do to other women too. Blaming males all day long won't work or do shit because we have to solve our own issues between females to live better lives. Sure men can be awful. But so are women. Radfems are also full of shit and attack peoples physical flaws at the second they have the occasion to. They don't really understand that women come in different shapes and ethnicities. Shit like "oh look at her body hair/facial hair" for exemple will come on the table all the time. Or while trying to make fun of transwomen they'll insult women that are less GC too because they don't give a shit anymore. So be careful with "communities"... Those women aren't full on accepting. That's my two cents. Good luck with everything, life's hard and so is finding respectable people... Or real lesbian women and sane bisexual women. But never give up. You'll find your way.

yknow, i appreciate youre trying to be helpful, but i trust myself here, and i dont really appreciate the patronizing attitude. im not some helpless, lost puppy

its interesting youre talking about making gender my whole life again tho. its not something id expect someone to acknowledge. most people dont want to acknowledge that thats what its like in the trans community. but this isnt making gender my whole life again. acknowledging misogyny and sexism isnt obsessing about an identity. these are judgement calls about peoples lived experiences as well as my own. and yeah, absolutely both men and women can be awful as individuals, but thats an entirely different issue from recognizing how women are treated as a sex because of their reproductive capabilities. that capability is a resource people want to take control of (if you support abortion rights then thats the cause youre addressing for an example of how thats a real issue that needs to be discussed). if you recognize that, you recognize that theres an imbalance between what sex holds power. were not “blaming males”, were recognizing who holds the power in the situations we are disadvantaged in. you have to find a source to a problem *somewhere*. women doing bad things to other women doesnt mean that power imbalance doesnt exist. and looking inward to address an outward disadvantage doesnt make any sense. if we examine ourselves enough, will the pay gap close, for example? is it womens fault theres a pay gap to begin with?

also idk where youre getting your information about what radfems think about other women, but do you think theyd even tolerate me here if they only wanted a certain type of body? my tits are gone and im hairy from testosterone. if they were anti-body diversity, why am i accepted anyway? why are they accepting any detrans woman? ive seen these women come in every shape and ethnicity, and praise women of every size and ethnicity (from thirsting to beautiful photography).

if you want to look into it, check out @ laetitiaky on instagram. shes a black woman who describes sex-based oppression from her own experiences, essentially (also makes p cool art). if you want to see examples of radfems of colour the blogs @oneblackbraid and @rad-by-nature are two off the top of my head (hopefully im not mistaken rip). im sure if you scroll enough youll find them talking about radical feminism in relation to racial issues.

anyway thanks for the advice, but i didnt ask to be helped. i hope you find your way, too

[andro-dino]

furries have been on my brain so here are some shogun steel characters and what i think their species would be and why 1. Zyro is a black jaguar!! you are right axel he is pretty kitty but i feel like his backstory and personality fit a wildcat more. i like to imagine he dyes his fur orange to help him stand out cause he blends in with the dark so well haha

2. Maru is a hamster!! this one is mostly based on vibes teehee. she's just a little guy. pick her up and hold her in your palm 💞💞💞 i could also see her being a bear cub tbh, but i just like the image of her stuffing her face and her cheeks get all large as a hamster hehe.

3. Shinobu is an axolotl!! it's literally cause of his antenna hair i gotta be honest with you lol. but besides that i just feel like the colors of axolotls suit him and it's fuel for your mexican hcs cause axolotls are native to mexico 👀 (ive also imagined in this universe where instead of breaking his bones in canon he loses limbs and has to be in the hospital so he can safely regenerate them akdsjfasdfk)

4. the Unabara brothers are sea otters!! i mentioned before that kite's hair being urchin shaped reminds me of how sea otters eat urchins so i found it fitting. plus it fits with the aquatic theme they have going on. in japanese mythology otters were tricksters like kitsune and tanuki and that fits eight to a T. otters also hold hands to stay together in the water and that's soooo unabara-coded <333

5. Ren is a hunting dog, most likely a spaniel. not too certain on the specific breed yet but i like the brittany spaniel!! she just has that dog energy and i feel like her being a hunting dog can represent her rivalries with other bladers, like taka and genjuro (ik she barely has any in canon but let me dream okay 😔)

6. Taka is a leopard or spiny gecko!! dont really have a proper explanation for this one it's mostly just vibes as well, but i feel like you could compare him being a small lizard that easily "sticks" to people and is very loyal to sakyo, who in a way is like a direct opposite to him.

7. speaking of, Sakyo is a maned wolf/dragon hybrid!!! you mentioning sakyo as a maned wolf lit a lightbulb in my head how does it feel to be so right. i feel like you can really dive into his identity as a descendant of the dragon clan with him visibly being half-dragon too yk. just in general it fits his supposedly menacing aura yet when you get to know him he's just silly and kind of a loser lmao. him and zyro's rivalry is so perfect too cause jaguars are the maned wolf's biggest predator! (plus imagining victoria as a really tall maned wolf 😳 like heeeey girl /j)

8. Kira is a wolfdog!! specifically a high content wolfdog (he has more wolf dna than dog). i chose wolfdog specifically because him being part dog really emphasizes his upbringing in dna to me, and how he still genuinely yearns for connection and a home. i like to think he just calls himself a wolf and ignores his dog heritage cause he doesnt want to seem weak or subservient, and eventually he learns to be proud of his dog attributes

i have more specifically for the rest of the dna bladers but i think ive written enough. hope you enjoy axel!!!!

AWAAAAAUUUUUUUU CHRIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSS IM CRYING REAL TEARS OVER THESE 😭💞💞💞💞💞

I’m too tired to be able to put all my thoughts abt these into full sentences but

AWAAUGGG. HAMPSTER. MARU. SO TRUE‼️‼️‼️

axolotl Shinobu losing full limbs and needing time to regenerate is so big brained you don’t understand (also fun fact I was briefly nicknamed axelotl so I have a connection with them that makes me particularly happy abt this one :] )

SEA OTTER UNABARASSSSSS 😭😭😭😭💞💞‼️‼️‼️ the little guys ever

DOGGIRL REN SO TRUE‼️‼️‼️ also her rivalries with taka and genjuro are very real and true TO ME I think about them soooo much

gecko taka forever 🫶 AND SAKYO OURGH!!!! lowkey kinda wanna draw his dragon maned wolf hybrid fursona (and also you are so right about maned wolf Victoria 😳)

ALSO. KIRA SAYING HES JUST A WOLF FIRST BUT ACCEPTING HIS DOG SIDE TOO LATER ON OURGH ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME /POS

[wyattjohnston]

key take aways from the feedback i was given about the exchanges. i've responded to a few of the responses that were left :)

you can still leave feedback (even if you didn't participate, i'd be interested in why!)

i got a lot of love, too, which is nice. i don't do this to be praised or anything else but i also do love to know when people are having fun with it

What changes (if any) would you like to see?

Maybe like one or two people who are not writing in the fic exchange could act as "beta" and be there to bounce off ideas, help find gifs, give feed back on things that people are writing. Someone that we can talk to without fear of them telling the person we are writing for what the idea is/ worrying they are the person writing for "me". If that makes sense.

this is an excellent idea--i just don't know if it's feasible because most of the people who would act as a beta reader are usually signed up for the exchange

so! i absolutely cannot enforce a blanket ban on asking for help from another writer in the exchange and i wouldn't want to. the only thing you're 'ruining' at that point, is that you aren't writing for the person you've asked to beta. we had 43 people sign up this time around, that doesn't narrow it down too much.

if you do have a beta who is writing in the exchange, just be courteous and don't ask them anything about their fic, and do not put them in the awkward position of having to decline if you offer to beta theirs. also maybe don't put the name of the person you're writing for in the doc/doc title so you're not totally spoiling who the fic is for :)

i'm also around if you need help! it obviously would be impossible for me to help 40 people with brainstorming and editing, but i try to do what i can!

i could maybe add a new question like “would you be down to help someone else with fic ideas/being a beta?” and then if someone told me they needed some help, i could put some feelers out as to who would be best suited. i just don’t know if it would be a question a lot/enough people would agree to just because like i said up top, the people who would beta are usually already knee deep in their own fic

(not verbatim) a couple of suggestions to add a question about what the Main Character’s gender identity should be

will absolutely do this. i usually see people ask the question as an anon for reader insert preference so had taken for granted that that was happening <3

Maybe include a time zone in the deadline

i dont put a time zone with the deadline mostly because it makes it more confusing. if i were to do that i would make it Australian Eastern Time, like the sign ups, and i guarantee that fics will roll in towards midnight of the writers timezones anyway. all in all, the final date is purposely left without a time specific deadline because it gives people an extra day almost. i'll make it clearer that it's literally just midnight of whatever time zone the writer exists in

tbh even the sign up time isn't super hard and fast, as long as i haven't started matching yet then i'm not opposed to opening the form for a last minute entry

Do you have any other feedback?

If anything, maybe a mock-up of "starter questions" to send your match in case people are new and/or don't know quite what to say. That might be helpful.

i'll come up with some questions before the next one and put it in the matches have gone out post. if you've got suggestions, let me know. there’s no fool proof system to it. some people ask lots of questions, some ask very few. some people give super in depth answers and others prefer to let their writer run free

I like having the two-ish months to be able to write instead of a very fast and stressful turn around time

good news! two months is here to stay. giving the halfway and then 1 week follow ups seems to be the key to making sure people don't forget that they've signed up

What were the factors in you not signing up?

timing, re holidays & commitments

absolutely understand, it's not a great time of year with holidays and exams for a lot of people

nervous to sign up

please don't be! i know it's not as easy as that, but if it's something anyone wants to talk about (ever! now, in march, when sign ups open for the summer one), i want to talk to you!

if i see a new person has signed up and i haven't read their fics before, i don't go scrutinising their masterlist and i am never ever going to tell anyone that they're not good enough, or haven't written enough fics, or whatever, to sign up.

i want people to have fun with these and try something new (whether that's signing up in the first place or being adventurous with what they write)

I wasn't sure if I could commit to getting the story completed.

100% understand, writing to a deadline isn't for everyone! if you want to. if it's something you want to have a chat about, hit me up :)

What do you like most about the exchange?

i loved hearing that people enjoyed stepping out of their comfort zones and trying something new! and i also love hearing that people found new writers, my goal is to help make the community a little more *together*